#washed and brushed my hair for the first time in weeks... thankfully i didnt let it get too bad but hnghghhh

[blissfali]

hghgh

[freerebelmentality]

Take me to church pt5

Word Count: 2,189

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You and David go to the coffee shop. He orders the drinks. You see the guys drive by and look to David as he comes back with the coffees. Chibs sees you with Hale and couldnt be more jealous.

You woke up the next day, only to realize it wasnt your room. You looked over to the other side of the bed and saw David laying there. You got up slowly and got dressed really quickly. Once you had everything is when you walked out of his apartment, walked a couple blocks away from his place and took out your phone to call someone for a ride.

You didnt know who to call, you didnt want to call Chibs not after you left with David. You decided to call Juice to pick you up, well you hoped that he would pick up his phone and if he wouldnt then you would call Tig. Thankfully Juice answers his phone.

“Juice: Hello?

You: Its me y/n

Juice: You ok? Whats wrong?

You: Uh would you be able to pick me up? Nothing is wrong, its just to far to walk home

Juice: Yeah sure. Where are you?

You: Im near by the ice cream shop

Juice: Do I wanna know where you have been?

You: No

Juice: I’ll be right there

You: How bad did I screw up?

Juice: Is there something?

You: No, just a moment of weakness”

Juice ended the call as he rolls on his back, a croweater is beside him and he gets out of bed to get dressed and pick you up. He walks by Chibs dorm and his door is closed as he hears noises coming out of there.

“All in good time brother” Juice says as he continues to walk down the hall and out of the club house to his bike.

You sat on the foot steps and waited for Juice, the fresh air is what you needed since you are beginning to feel sick. You dont remember anything after David asked if you wanted to go over to his place for drinks in celebrations of your accomplishments. Well had one to many drinks and dont remember anything after that. All you know is waking up in his bed and sneaking away.

You finally hear the bike pulling up the street, you are about to walk up but dizziness and nausea started to combine. You leaned over while the contents from the night before was all over the side walk. Juice turned off his bike and helped you with your hair.

“That much to drink huh?” He asks once you have settled from the dry heaves

“Yeah, yuck my mouth is just gross” You say while Juice pulls out a pack of gum

“Thanks” You tell him as he helps you sit back down once more to get a handle of things before driving you home.

“You and Hale?” Is all he asks

“Like I said, it was a moment of weakness” You tell him once more as he gives you a puzzled expression

“We dated throughout high school and the day after graduation we broke up. It was mutually decided” You tell him how it all started

“And now?” He asks in hope you will give him the right answer.

“Now, nothing. I dont want to start anything with him. Its just seeing him for the first time in over ten years has gotten me all caught up again” You tell him honestly

“You and Chibs?” He asks while looking to the ground

“I am falling for him Juice. Im falling for him hard and I dont know how to tell him. Or Im scared to tell him because Im afraid he might feel differently and the rejection alone” You honestly tell him as you have your head in your hands.

“Before you do anything with Chibs, you need to sort yourself out and get things clear with Hale. Im only saying this because you look conflicted and he is my brother. I dont want him getting hurt if all the signals are mixed” He says as he gets up and gives you a hand to your feet.

You accept his help and nod in agreement.

“I’ll take you home. C’mon” He says as he leads the way to his bike and he hops on while he hands you a helmet.

“Before we drive off. Uh if anything, I would never hurt Chibs and yes I will get things straight with David. I could never hurt Chibs like that. Last night was a mistake and I knew better but like I said. It was a moment of weakness, reliving the past but realize it was complete foolish” You tell him before he starts the bike.

You accept the helmet and hop on as well. He starts his bike and begins to drive to your parents house. Luckily they dont stir from their deep slumber. Juice walks you to the door, before you walk into the house, you turn to him.

“Thanks for listening and giving me advice. I needed to hear it” You tell him as you kiss his cheek. He smiles at the gesture and walks back to his bike and you head inside to go back to bed.

As you lay in bed, you begin to think about cutting all ties with David and how you were going to tell him. You didnt want to start anything with him again and wanted something with Chibs. For the past couple of months you have only wanted Chibs and you needed to get David out of the way once and for all. You are only set on Chibs. You are going to make Filip Telford yours. Your Filip. Your Chibs.

** You decided to work at the club house, the studio was getting a little quiet and for some reason Chibs wasnt coming around anymore, well you knew why but thought he would just brush it off since he didnt have feelings for you anyway. As you are sitting in the kitchen, doing a few edits of the pictures Juice has taken and listening to music.

You’re listening to ‘Take me to church by Hozier’  you couldnt help yourself with singing and the music just whisked you away.

‘My lover's got humour

he's the giggle at a funeral

Knows everybody's disapproval

I should've worshipped him sooner

If the heavens ever did speak

he's the last true mouthpiece

Every Sunday's getting more bleak

A fresh poison each week

"We were born sick," you heard them say it

My church offers no absolutes

he tells me, "Worship in the bedroom."

The only heaven I'll be sent to

Is when I'm alone with you

I was born sick

But I love it

Command me to be well

Aaay. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

If I'm a pagan of the good times

My lover's the sunlight

To keep the God on my side

he demands a sacrifice

Drain the whole sea

Get something shiny

Something meaty for the main course

That's a fine-looking high horse

What you got in the stable?

We've a lot of starving faithful

That looks tasty

That looks plenty

This is hungry work

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife

Offer me my deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life

No Masters or Kings

When the Ritual begins

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin

In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene

Only then I am human

Only then I am clean

Ooh oh. Amen. Amen. Amen.

Take me to church

I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies

I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife

Offer me that deathless death

Good God, let me give you my life’

You couldnt help yourself as you sang out loud and didnt think you would be that loud but everyone in the club house heard you.

The guys in church looked to each other and wondered who would be singing so beautifully. Until Clay realized it was you who was singing your heart away. He had a wide smile on his face and he looks to Jax and he couldnt wipe off the smile from his as well.

Chibs was amazed on how beautifully you sang, to him you sounded like an angel from the heavens.

The song couldnt be more perfect for the situation they are in. Once Clay dropped the gavel is when everyone came out of the room.

Once you finished the song is when you kept humming out the lyrics and even changed a few of them. Well more like you changed ‘she’ to he and the ‘her’ to him. Juice noticed it right away and immediately new right away who you were referring to.

“That was amazing baby girl” Dad says leaning against the door frame

“You scared me” You shook and turned to the door.

“Sorry, didnt mean to scare you” He says while lifting his hands in surrender

“Nice set of wind pipes y/n, how come you never sing for us at our parties?” Tig asks getting himself a cup of coffee

“Because no body ever asks” You retort back with a side smile

“What are you working on?” Jax asks coming into the kitchen and sitting across from you.

“I’m editing a few pictures that Juice took” You reply continuing with your work

“Why dont ye werk at your studio?” Chibs asks taking a sip from his beer

“Its to quiet, I got used of the company from others but never come around anymore” You reply while leaning back into your chair and crossing your arms across your chest looking to Chibs.

“I thought you were getting cozy with Hale again?” Jax asks and you can sense that Chibs is getting agitated hearing his name.

“Ever since you told me you caught him and that bitch of an agent in his office. I told him fuck that noise and bounced out” You tell him while everyone else is surprised David would do something like that when it came to being on the job.

“You just peaced out on him?” Jax says while chuckling

“Just fuck that noise and peace right the fuck out?” Tig says while motioning with his hands to the door.

You laugh while everyone else laughs, including Chibs and you missed his laugh along with his smile. You missed everything about him.

“Good girl” Chibs says while taking the last gulp of his beer and walks past you to throw his bottle away.

As he passes you is when you caught the scent of beer and that made you feel nauseous. You got up right away, pushed everyone out of the way and ran to the bathroom. You flushed the toilet and saw that there is mouth wash. You rinsed out your mouth, washed your hands and walked out the door.

“Are you alright?” Jax asks as you enter the bar area

“I am now” You simply reply while he checks your temperature

“You should head home. I’ll drive you” He says while you try to protest but he is already out the door.

You were about to walk back to the kitchen but Chibs already had your laptop in the bag.

“Are ye sure ye are alright?” He asks as he held your bag and standing right in front of you.

“Not lately” You simply answer as you take the bag from him and begin to walk away.

You walk into the parking lot and see mom talking to Jax. You knew he told her because she is walking in your direction. You met her half way.

“Are you ok baby?” She asks feeling your forehead

“Now I am but you know Jax, being the protective big brother” You tell him as you give her a small smile.

Thats when you see Chibs walking out of the club house and walks towards you and your mom.

“I’ll come check on ya later, got a few things to handle first” He says as he kisses the top of your head.

He walks away and mom looks to you with a smile on her face. You look to Jax who doesnt look too happy about the sudden move.

“Is there something going on between you and Chibs?” She asks as you walk away from her.

“I’ll tell you about it later” You tell her and walk to Jax. He gives you a helmet and you hop on. He drives out of the parking lot and to the house.

Once he pulls into the drive way and you begin to walk to the front door while he follows behind you. You walk into the kitchen and set your bag on top of the table.

[midnightsdarkangel]

I don’t want to die.

Summary: Haruka didn't care if he lived or died at first, but when Takane came into the picture, he couldn't help but suffocate.

(i read some of the translated book of over the dimension and my heart hurts. tbh i have this headcanon haruka really has little to no self care with his mental being unless Takane is there. Pls save these children)

When I was young, I was told that I was going to die.

Normally when you’re told news like this, the first thing you do is cry. You fear and you grieve over the life you wouldn't live. When my mother had died, I was numb as my father told me the same thing would happen. He was void of all emotions, just a blank stare as if to state the facts and nothing more. I'm not sure if I had cried as a child, I just remember feeling suffocated.

From then on, I just didn't care.

.

The suffocating feeling never went away as I got older. If anything, I was able to press it down in the depths of my mind. It led me to lead a very careless life- or, well, what little I have of my life. It never really bothered me when I collapsed and woke up in the same white room, with the same bed and the same blurred faces of nurses. If anything, I welcomed it as a daily routine in my life that I had grown accustomed to.  No one cared either, if anything we had all become desensitized to the notion of my predicted death so there really was no reason to worry.

Everyone but Takane.

"You idiot , you’re bleeding! Quickly, put your hand under the sink!"

It was one afternoon when all the students had gone home that Takane had rushed over me in a panic.

I stared baffled as Takane grabbed my wrist rather forcefully and dragged me to the bathroom to clean up. I had managed to get cut by a shard of glass in science class when I dropped my glass beaker, shattering all over the floor. Takane told me to leave it while she got a mop, but I just crouched down and swept the glass with my hand, collecting the fragments to throw in the bin as I managed to get a cut from a rather large piece. Blood had dripped from my palm into the bin when I let go.

I wasn't really aware of Takane at first as she panicked as I just stared at the blood drip from my hand. It felt oddly soothing to see that there was proof that I was still alive in this moment.   It wasn't until she had grabbed me by the shoulders did I snap out of my state to look at her. Her eyebrows were pinched in a angry yet concerning gaze as her lips gave off a small pout that I couldn’t help but smile.

"Sorry, it was quicker that way,"

I spoke carelessly as we arrived to the girls bathroom, thankfully it was after school and no one really bothered to hang around after an hour had passed. It was the only place she could take me. She thrust my hand in the sink and turned the water on. The cold water made contact with my cut, letting water and blood blend to sink down the drain. I could hear her sigh in the background as she leaned on one of the sinks herself and brushed the hair from her face, her eyes were careful in watching me from the corner of my gaze as I gently washed the blood until it was no longer leaking out of my hand and was a mere cut.

"You need to be more careful..."

Her voice had become soft, yet still stubborn as if she was afraid to break her cruel streak in case anyone else had seen as she turned to face me, coming up close to my side to grab my hand gently to inspect the wound.

"It shouldn’t be too bad, I’ll tell teacher when he comes back if we have anything to bandage that up."

I wasn’t really sure how to react to her concern over my wellbeing. I had expected her to call me an idiot for cutting myself and tell me to wash up, but here she was, she had personally made sure to see that I was ok. It felt...odd. As if the suffocating feeling was rising in the back of my throat momentarily;

"You don’t need to worry that much Takane,"

I muttered gently as I turned the tap off and dried my hand with the tissue she handed over, not really caring if I rubbed it on my cut. When I turned to face her after crumpling the tissue and throwing it in the bin, I froze. She wasn’t angry, but instead had a look of concern had washed over her. It seemed as if she had something she wanted to say as she flexed her hands, clenching it and opening it. She bit her lip as if what she was going to tell me could turn the atmosphere grim, and in all honesty I was expecting it.

"...Why do you not care about yourself?"

"You mean this cut? I told you it’s not that much of a big deal-"

"No, not just the cut, Haruka, I’m talking about you! H-how you can collapse at any second and yet you don't care, you push yourself to your limit and yet to you it’s nothing. How can you not care about yourself, what if you..."

She doesn't dare say the next word, but I know what she wants to say as I smile sadly, finishing her sentence;

"Die, right?"

Takane just nods looking down as I sigh smiling softly. My hand gently rubbed her hair as she looks up to me with that worried but pouty gaze. I prepare to tell her I don't really care, that this was normal for me and I knew I was safe, just to ease her thoughts but my words don't come out. My mouth is open but I can’t speak. Why can’t I speak..? My hand tenses for a moment as I just stare at her to try and figure out what's stopping me. I tell everyone countless times of my predicament and how normal it was for me.

But Takane isn’t just 'anyone'.

The suffocation rises higher.

My hand sinks back down from her head as she sighs and looks away.

"Come on, I’m sure the teacher’s worried."

I stare at her as she leaves the room leaving the door prompt open for me. I don't move at first, I'm not really sure what happened as I grip my throat slowly, the sweat drips from my face as my heart races.

For that one moment in my life. I was afraid to die.

--

1 a.m.

I couldn't sleep.

If anything I just kept replaying her gaze at me over and over. How fragile she looked as if I would crumble at any second. I hated it, it made me uncomfortable. No one had ever given me such a look, no one had cared if i did reckless actions and normally i didn't care when others fretted over me. Yet Takane was able to stun me. In all honesty she had that affect...She was like a hurricane, no matter who you were you would be thrown into her world. I had fallen for her spell, i was thrown into the heart of the hurricane and i loved it. I loved seeing her for myself, every little subtle actions of her emotions. To anyone else it'd look as if she was angry all the time, but i saw every detail she wanted to show me. When she was flustered her eyes would dart away, if she was happy she liked to kick her legs back and forth and hum a tune. When she was sad…

It killed me.

I never wanted to see her sad and yet, it was I who made her look that way.

' How can you not care about yourself?'

Hah... I let out a weak chuckle as i covered my hand over my eyes, her words replaying over and over in my thoughts like a broken record. She had got me. And yet i wished i never felt this way. In my scattered thoughts i had wished the cut i had over my eyes would open again and blood to just pour, to cover my body in a lake of it and let myself sink until there was nothing left of me in a blood red ocean of my own mistakes.

I'd never forgive myself.

--

And of course a few months later i died.

Not the way i had expected..but i was certainly dead. My body had collapsed one day. Takane, poor thing. She was wearing her headphones staring at the paper in front of her with such a cute expression. How i wish i wasnt there to break her heart. My breathing had became fast and shallow like it normally had done with any attack i faced. However i didn't take it as casually as i did.

I felt myself suffocate.

My heart had began to race as i looked over to her, my pupils shrinking as i reached out in hopes to grab her attention but my hand froze. I couldn't. I couldn't do that to her, i didn't want to see her worry over me. This was fear wasn't it? How ironic…

Tears fell from my face as I smiled weakly.

I wished she didnt worry too much…

--

I love Takane Enomoto.

Took me a while- no...maybe i knew from the very beginning she was something special to me. It was just a shame i was too late.

After i had died i was given an offer...one i foolishly refused. I was hooked up to thousand upoun thousand of wires connecting to my arm, pouring lifeless energy into my core as the world around me was pure white. I wish i could say home sweet home seeing as this wouldn't had been any diffrent to what i experienced normally, but without her around i just felt miserable.

I had a tv infront of my bed, i had to shuffle myself up against the banister to watch, my eyes are weary and dull. Supposedly i was awoken as another person. Konoha. It felt funny watching a character i created in my own spare time begin to live my life out. Maybe this is what i wanted in the end, someone else to take my place- someone who was stronger than i was. Innocent to their own cruel predicament.

For a few weeks it was nothing but background noise to me as i preferred to sleep instead. It wasn't my life anymore, it was his and it just felt wrong looking into it as if i was there.

Well...until I heard her voice again.

"Ah wait Master! Done leave me with-darn.."

My head whipped up so fast i found myself clutching my sheets.

It was her voice.

Takane.

She was live- she was actually alive how did she-

"Ah...Hello Ene.."

Ah...I sunk back down in my pillow but my heart was still racing. It was her...but...she was different. She was in a phone Konoha had clung onto as he plugged her into a socket to charge the batteries. She had a different smile i wasn't aware of. She looked so happy...A spark of joy i thought id never see in my life time. She did pout and have that look of irritation to her but it overall was lighter- playful. I leant forward as i felt my head spin;

Did she remember me?

My hand reached out as i felt the wires tug on my skin, pulling me back.

I didn't want to live at first, this should had been my wish come true but not until Takane had came along did that wish change. If Takane was alive and happy then i was...But there was, smiling with the others i failed to recognise. Of course Konoha was there also but...i wasn't. A weak smile painted my lips as i felt my body tremble. Did she cry over my death...was she happier in a world without me?

No wonder she looked so bright...i wasn't there to drag her down anymore, she was finally opening out of her shell like i had always wished her to. So why...why was i crying..?

"Takane..."

I dont want to be left behind...

I want to smile with her..

"I love you."

--

"Huh..? Konoha?" Ene was snapped out of her thoughts when she had felt tears tap at her screen as she looked up baffled. Everyone in the room had noticed this when she had spoken up as they all looked to Konoha who just stared at her baffled and confused.

"Why are you crying?" Ene asks softly as Konoha touches his face ever so gently as if he could shatter in one touch if not careful.

"Im not sure...i just feel really sad."

Such sad lives we live..