#was it my fault for not reading the source fully? yes.

[philzokman]

I LOVE BSD I TRULY DO but im trying to do my english dissertation on no longer human the novel right and i just went on a fucking two hundred word spiel about dazai's connection to existentialism ONLY TO REALISE THE SOURCE I WAS USING WAS REFERRING TO HIT ANIME TWINK OSAMU DAZAI NOT THE FUCKING AUTHOR IM GOING TO MUALFDHSAJKFC,LHAKSD

[tenroses07]

My final thoughts on the neil gaiman allegations;

Do I believe the women?: Yes. While I do find it still a bit odd that there’s missing context, I think that’s a fault of the podcast and not the fault of the women. I hope that they come forward to more reputable news sources and give their stories fully soon.

Do I think this is a right wing conspiracy: Yes and no. I do not think all of this is one big lie, but I do think the journalism here is clearly biased and I do not think these women’s stories would’ve been aired if they (the journalists) did not believe there would be any political gain. I do believe that it could be possible that tortoise media is trying to slander those who have worked with him. I do not blame the women for this.

Do I still wish to see more proof?: Of course. I think it’s possible to believe victims while also still wishing to see more proof. It’s important to be critical still, but once again this does not mean that it’s okay to say these women are lying because you haven’t seen proof.

Do I think any fandoms for media he created should interact with him again?: No. He clearly has a record of abusing his position of power, and I do not think any fans should interact with him again for the sake of their own safety. This includes on any social media. If he returns to being online, don’t send asks or react to them. Don’t return power to him.

Do I think anyone who was worked with him is obligated to come out with their reactions immediately?: No. It’s entirely possible the news hasn’t made it to them yet. It’s also entirely possible that they could be still processing things after working personally with him. If we as fans are shocked in disgusted, then imagine how those who have worked with him feel. Do not condemn them for speaking out immediately, they have lives too.

Do I think you can still watch his shows?: I feel mixed about this personally. I think it’s a better idea to 🏴‍☠️, but I also understand he is not the only person who worked on these shows. 🏴‍☠️ing affects more than him, so personally I don’t see a problem with watching his shows as long as you condemn him.

Do I think you can still read his books: Yes, but it’s a bit different here. I do not think people should be buying his books now. If you want to own them, buy second hand. If you don’t mind reading online, then 🏴‍☠️. I wouldn’t really recommend checking them out at a library as that still does give him support since the library could decide to purchase more of his books.

Do I think you can enjoy media he’s worked on or created without supporting him as person?: 1000%. His actions and alleged perversions do not translate into any of his work from what I’ve seen. I think it is 100% possible to separate him from his media in this case, especially with Good Omens and his shows.

Do I think you should burn/trash your books or media by him?: I don’t see a point, but I understand why someone may want to do this. Everyone is angry and upset, and if you want nothing to do with his works anymore that’s 100% valid. I just personally don’t see a point since they’ve already been purchased, and unless you bought them recently and can return them, you’re not taking any money away from him. If you don’t want to keep his books anymore, I’d suggest donating them to a thrift store or a library.

Edit: I wanted to add a section here about the relationships he had with these women since I didn’t really mentioned it before, so here (TW FOR SA);

While the relationships themselves were consensual for the most part (besides the two allegations of SA) I still do not think they were right to be had. The power imbalance and age gaps are gross. They’re not illegal, but morally they’re incorrect in my opinion. I know one of these women was a fan of his, and I believe he took advantage of that. And im also pretty sure he was 40 years older than her at the time. That’s gross.

As for neil’s current response as featured in the article, I don’t think he’s telling the truth. He admits to having relationships with those women, which adds to fact that I believe he’s not a good person for having those relationships already where he clearly was the one in power. The false memories claim could have some nuance to it (it’s possible that it could be something that happens to that woman without it being stated on medical records) but I personally believe it’s an excuse on his end, true or not.

Of course, continue to be kind to each other online. Don’t berate those who are upset and confused, and don’t berate the victims either. For those who believe it’s still all a lie, you have no reason to believe he wouldn’t be capable of any of this. You don’t know him. He doesn’t know you. I urge you to rethink everything about this situation and take some time to process it on your own. Denying everything is not the way to go about this.

I believe that’s everything I have to say. If you read all this, I appreciate this. If you think my wording is odd in some places or if it seems I said something I didn’t mean, please let me know. I’m writing this all on a bit of whim so I can put my thoughts out there instead of keeping it all inside. Thanks again, and stay safe

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Sturgeon Moon in Aquarius ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Ah, Aquarius Full Moon… The inventor, the engineer, the pioneer, the communicator. Yes, the communicator. A world-changer needs to communicate with the community to gain insight and also to communicate the changes they wish to roll out.

Being the last Air Sign, Aquarius is all about gaining insights/perspectives in order to understand fully and deeply the matter at hand. Aquarius endeavours to understand how the Devil ticks so it can begin a revolution and beat the Devil. Ya know?

This full moon is not a time to give up on you dreams and move on to a different, more practical things. This time around, honey, really allow yourself to be a lil crazier than usual. Bask in this over-the-top eccentric Aquarius energy because that’s how the genius bleeds unto your consciousness.

‘I think I mentioned in previous shows, I spent half my life in the military. And I used to come home, take off my little soldier hat, put on my painter’s hat and there, I’d build the kind of world that I wanted. It was peaceful, it was quiet, there was no hassle, nobody was yelling… and it was good. Everything was good. Nobody was going to get shot or hurt, not in my world… and it’s a happy place.’ – Bob Ross

From all the contrasts and oppositions you’ve experienced, what kind of new innovations can you bring Mankind? Can you develop the wisdom to bridge between personal truths and maintaining a social life? Your place in the world—your role—is important; you just need to figure it out first and this Full Sturgeon Supermoon in Aquarius will help with that🎣

[Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – Your New World Begins Right Here Right Now In Your Mind

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – 8 of Wands Rx

You’ve been in the process of manifesting a huge, life-changing something in your Life for quite a while now. I think on a deep Soul level your heart and mind are sick and tired of waiting. You haven’t even been just waiting, you’ve actually been working actively to change something significant in your Life. But it’s only felt like nothing’s changed at all. It feels like you’ve been stuck in a strange loop of the same motions of emotions. Your train of thoughts has been circling the same miserable place again and again.

It feels like everything has changed and yet nothing seems to have changed at all. I’m still stuck in the same place—why?

Well, because your train has been held back from changing destinations. And I’ll have you know that it’s not your fault entirely. It’s your subconscious fearing to shift lanes but this isn’t because you’re incapable, it’s because there was a bad situation/environment that has caused you to become afraid of the unknown. This has slowed down your manifestation game…

m o t i v a t i o n – 5 of Wands Rx

Something terrible happened in the past that really broke your confidence in the benevolence of the Universe. You got disappointed after believing that things would get better but they didn’t. And now you have trust issues. You can’t really trust that the Universe would have your back if you tried something new and got into trouble because in the past, the Universe has let you down. At least this is how it’s felt for you. Was it the case that the Universe, your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides really let you go? Umm… not exactly.

There’s this psychologist on YouTube (forgot his name) who has this to say about the nature of trauma: ‘Trauma is not what has been done to you. Trauma is how you perceive what has been done to you.’ It’s quite fascinating, so I hope you could understand this notion intuitively. Now, whatever happened that’s caused your trust to be tarnished, I’m not saying the people who let you down or hurt you horribly are excusable. The point is not that.

The point is that from now on you can take back control of your mind. By realising patterns and the sources of our internal chaos, gradually we can unravel the threads of trauma.

Before the battle of the fist, comes the battle of the mind. Everybody was kung fu fighting~

i n n o v a t i o n – 6 of Pentacles Rx

I’m seeing that right as you’re reading these words, you’re in the preparation stage(s) of a new beginning that will make you really HAPPY (you have the Priestess of Happiness in the bonus content). I think you’re leaving behind an environment, a job, a relationship, a mindset even, that isn’t serving your highest good. It’s been a long time coming, but the lane shift is finally possible.

It's like you’re finally getting out of a karmic loop that’s been halting your explosive manifestation. You’re no longer empathising with that kind of mindset, point of view, or way of life. You’ve held on for too long now you must go and leave that hopeless case however it likes to continue. It’s none of your business now. You’re not sharing your energy with these situations or people anymore.

You’ve got to give your attention to your real desires to be of service to this world. There is a place somewhere in this world where you’re needed and that’s where your Soul truly belongs.

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – An Alien Doesn’t Belong With the Mortals

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – I The Magician

Wow, I don’t pull this card very often😜You’re an eccentric alien who’s been hard at work mingling with the rest of the Humans, aren’t you? I think to a large extent, you’ve shielded this world from truly seeing your Light, which is such a shame because you have so many amazing gifts to share with Humanity. But the way I see it, it’s just a survival tactic. After all, this world isn’t very kind towards eccentrics.

You might’ve come from a family/school background in which you were ridiculed (maybe even bullied) for being different. It was really painful and whether or not you’re conscious of this, you’ve made quite an attempt to shield yourself from the world so you don’t get made fun of.

But right now, this full moon in Aquarius wants to let you know that you can’t hide forever. Your brilliance is too magnificent to hide forever. Your shield, your covers are all falling apart because the world is needing your talents, soon enough. You’ll see✨

m o t i v a t i o n – Knight of Wands Rx

I’m thinking right away of that theme song from Disney’s Big Hero 6. It keeps saying something along the line of, ‘We could be immortals~’ or something like that. That song is nice, and I think the lyrics could awaken something in you.

You are an immortal, when you really think about it. So, don’t be afraid of losing time or thinking you’re too old to begin now. Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date, OK? If something is your calling, it will keep calling you. So, whatever you’re thinking right now, if it gives you an unmistakably strong feeling that you’re meant to do it, that’s it. Your calling is calling you.

You’re meant to walk the plank towards a great big adventure. Of course, you could choose to ignore and brush it off and then go back to your ordinary Life that’s pretty much miserable on a spiritual level. But are you really alright with that?

i n n o v a t i o n – Knight of Cups

The change from the Knight of Wands Rx to this Knight of Cups tells me that you’re actually a lil afraid of your passions because you could have somewhat obsessive tendencies. You do know that a lot of people struggle with this, right? Once you’re into something you’re passionate about, once you get super excited, super into something, you go full deranged mode and become obsessive for like 3 weeks or 3 months straight. And you think this is crazy person behaviour and you try to avoid that as much as possible because that seems like the reasonable thing to do.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

This kind of tendency is actually your overcompensating for all the hours, days and weeks that you’ve starved yourself from basking in the glory of all the things that do bring you a sense of being ALIVE. Think about that for a moment.

Aaaand… Basically, this is your invitation to start bringing small elements of the things, activities, pursuits that do make you feel alive into your everyday Reality. If you’re surrounded by these things every day, they become such a natural part of your daily life and you’ll be rescued from any sense of temporary addictions☃️Relax, hon, you’ve got this~❄️

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Flow Naturally to Where the Love Is

c o m m u n i c a t i o n – Queen of Cups Rx

You’re somebody who’s incredibly accommodating to other people. In spite of your best effort to be kind and affectionate, you still feel misunderstood. I think you’re also often taken advantage of and you know that, but you can’t really stand your ground, so you keep all your thoughts and laments to yourself, bottling up a lot of unspoken emotions that are quite heavy to carry alone.

With that, you often feel like you just wanna run away from all Humans. You want to be free from the chains of human connections and terrible interactions. I think you’re tired on a level that’s hard to put into words. You’re a free spirit incarnate in Human form and that’s quite suffocating. I think many aspects of the modern life don’t suit you.

At this point, you’re not sure yet what you’re supposed to be doing to change your world. You’re simply emotionally tired. And I think that’s fine. Being tired is not a mistake; it doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you Human, ironically🦩

m o t i v a t i o n – 9 of Cups

The way I see it, right now you’re needing to swim more in your dreams and emotions. Try to be one with those watery sensations. I’m sure you’ll find clarity of purpose when you actually let yourself feel all your feelings. It’s like, the answer you’re looking for can only come to the surface when you’re in the waters. I hope that makes sense.

Of all the piles, you’re like so magical and fluid and I’m totally not getting a concrete vision of what it is you’re supposed to be doing in terms of manifesting your ideal life in accordance with this Aquarius full moon energy. Baby, you’re not even here; you’re hallucination. Right now, you’re not even properly grounded in Earth Matrix Reality that it doesn’t even feel like you are part of the collective🤪

But ultimately, that’s also the very thing that makes you magical. You don’t play in the same dimension as most Humans do. It’s safe for you to listen to the whispers of your heart right now, because ultimately, I think your Higher Self just wants you to realise how deeply lovable you are, first and foremost, and for that reason alone you are deserving to see all your dreams manifest into Reality, eventually enough😉

i n n o v a t i o n – 7 of Wands Rx

The funny thing is, if you’ve decided you want to live in your desired reality right now, that’s also possible, right? I know there is logic and sequences in this rigid reality, but at least, if you’ve made up your mind about not wanting to participate in the rat race, that conviction will guide your actions accordingly. If your actions do not reflect your inner thoughts yet, it’s because you’re still resisting the change.

Don’t be afraid of being disliked by others. Their thoughts about you reflect more about them than actually yourself, so what’s your care? It will do you good to choose the path of least resistance. Flow naturally to where the Love is. Where is the Love, you ask? First, within yourself. The moment you decide that you will uphold Love and respect for yourself, you will stop tolerating people who do not show you the Love and respect you deserve to be treated with.

Go naturally with it. Your heart, when you’re honest with yourself, will lead the way towards a happier Reality. Just enjoy the swim for now🥰

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[shinysmolivgarden]

I'd like to preface this post by saying

I think the toxic chain theory was interesting, and no hate to the people who believed it, but...

I find it kind of funny that SO many people believed it.

MY FIRST POINT:

That would have been a very big plot point. And that would be kind of weird considering the Indigo Disk was obviously about Terapagos and not "Dokutaro", as it was named at the time. A thing I've seen is that people thought taking the championship title from Kieran is what would "reveal" that he had been possessed or whatever, but like... Kieran was the most important non-player character in the DLC. You'd think that if he had actually been possessed by Dokutaro, that would be the main focus of the Indigo Disk. But it clearly wasn't. Pecharunt (up until the epilogue) was only found in the files and hidden when Kieran's grandpa tells us Ogerpon's story, which is something that'd be weird to do for a legendary so important to the DLC's story. Even with Ogerpon, despite the fact that it was a reveal that it wasn't evil and a reveal to the characters in the story that it actually existed, we knew it existed because it was announced BEFORE the Teal Mask came out. And, I was right about that! Pecharunt was announced BEFORE the epilogue was released! (Again, no hate to people who thought this, I just think it's a bit weird.)

MY SECOND POINT:

A big piece of "evidence" for the theory was that the trailers for the indigo disk showed that he "dyed" his hair purple. (And that's the same color as Dokutaro! :0) Like... that was always his hair color. The underside of his hair was always purple. He just tied his hair up. You can still see his black hair from behind. I guess it made sense if you already believed the theory, but if you didn't (like me) it is easily explainable.

MY THIRD POINT:

Another theory I've seen going around (especially on tumblr) is that Kieran was not outright possessed by Pecharunt but was still influenced by it as part of his descent into... I don't want to say madness but basically madness. (This would also explain why Ogerpon did not go with Kieran during the Teal Mask. I've already created a post on MY opinions on that, but you can read that later.) A reason for this I've seen is that "there must still be some poison under the Loyal Three's grave even though their bodies have decayed" (yes I still call them the Loyal Three and not the Lousy Three, cry about it /j). Which... what? How would that poison get up to Kieran after he punched the grave? Poison is weak to ground for a reason. And as to why he wasn't fully possessed is because Pecharunt's dex entry says that its mochi draws out desires and capabilities, and Kieran of course didn't have any mochi so he wasn't outright possessed- stop. Listen to what you just said. Pecharunt's mochi draws out desires and capabilities, and Kieran didn't have any mochi. Are you beginning to see the problem? tbh toxic chain believer copium /j (I'd like to say again, I. HAVE. NOTHING. AGAINST. THESE. PEOPLE. I just think the THEORY is a bit wack. Please don't hate me.) (I will add the people who made the posts I'm referencing once I find them again.)

References:

@jadeazora for one of the posts.

https://www.tumblr.com/2oul2ilver/753739784490532864/yes-i-was-just-thinking-about-writing-a-post-on?source=share for the other.

BONUS POINT:

One of the people I saw supporting the theory before the Indigo Disk came out (It was a yt video but I can't find it again so I'll link it if i find it) said that Kieran might be possessed because "he looks crazy". That's it. That was their evidence.

IN CONCLUSION,

The toxic chain theory is a theory that I believe to be fine in concept, and I think it is an interesting idea. But, as with any theory, it had its faults and I personally didn't believe it because a majority of its evidence I believed (and still believe) to be just a tad bit wack.

Thank you for reading!

[unagrancantidaddepanes]

ok i wasnt gonna do it i told myself no im just not gonna say anything on this drama but this is so MINDBOGGLING that i HAVE to make a post about this

i am gonna start by saying as someone on the arospectrum i personally see peridot as either fully aroace or arospec (i like headcanoning either one) and as in a qpr or plantonic friendship with lapis.

peridot has been confirmed to be intended to be read as aroace by a storyboard artist (maya peterson) that would focus on her character, i am not denying that,

however

she is also confirmed to be intended to be read as experiencing romantic attraction, by the OTHER storyboard artist who originally worked on peridot, jesse zuke, who has just as much authority to talk about peridots character, if not more since (to my knowledge) she was the original main storyboard artist for peridot

the intention behind what peridot is suppose to represent is fundamentally contradictory, there is absolutely no use fighting over it. this is so dumb to fight over YES both sides have been confirmed canon THATS WHY THIS IS DUMB </33

ive been trying to find as many actual sources as i can (which has been pretty difficult since A LOT has been deleted) but I finally found a transcript of one of jesse zukes posts that is deleted that everyone keeps referencing

from this reddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/stevenuniverse/comments/5q738i/lauren_zuke_speaks_of_her_intention/

(jesse was formerly known as lauren)

anyone posts something shipping peridot, u get a load of comments saying "this is aroace erasure, shes written as aroace, a storyboard artist said so", anyone posts something about peridot being canonically aroace, u get a load of comments saying "shes not canonically aroace, she was written as experiencing romantic attraction, a storyboard artist said so" everyone is either one or the other it seems like NO ONE is acknowledging that both is true and really this confusion is the fault of the crewniverse ????

these storyboard artists BOTH focused heavily on working on peridot and creating her character, and their intentions behind what she is are completely contradicting.

i would love for peridot to be aroace. to me she IS aroace, but im not going to pretend like this isnt the most confusing most unclear way of confirming that. even if maya peterson intended for her to be seen as aroace, jesse zuke wrote her as the complete opposite and it would be stupid of me to ignore that. harassing eachother over this is stupid. your both correct, now shake hands and make peace with eachother lol, good night.

As an arospec person I am completely fine with people shipping peridot and I do not think it is aroace erasure, because while I would love to see an orientation like mine depicted in a character like peridot, im not going to ignore that fact the she was ALSO originally meant to be read as experiencing romantic attraction AND the fact that many of the crewniverse ships peridot with people or supports others doing it. it is not aroace erasure to ship a character that was literally intended to be read as experiencing romantic attraction by some of the people who worked on her character. rebecca god damn sugar, the creator of steven universe has made fanart shipping peridot. peridots voice actor has said she likes and supports people shipping peridot. its just that different people working on the show had wildly different intentions when creating her character, and didnt clear up a solid identity for her with everyone working on her

jesse zuke said in her post "cant speak for anyone else! many people are writing those episodes". just like if maya peterson and anyone else working on peridot intended for her to be read as aroace, other people working on her character with just as much authority were writing her completely differently. people are not seeming to acknowledge that these two things co-exist. it is not one or the other. even though they are complete opposites, somehow theyve made it so that its both at once.

she was simultaneously written to be both aroace and experiencing romantic attraction by different people writing her character, clearly because of miscommunication within the crewniverse.

heres rebecca sugars ship art btw since the first 2 were really hard to find, in case anyone else wanted some sort of actual evidence of it

also just wanted to bring attention to jesse zuke saying "anyone who wants to see the narrative they want is completely, 100% allowed to". peridot and her episodes were written to have multiple interpretations. this was written with multiple intentions. some of those intentions were aroace, some of them, like jesse zukes, were not. you are all correct peace and love

update i found a slightly longer version of jesse zukes post in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=oIl1sEQ4_iI

"I wanted to close the book on this - I am queer, and intend fully to write queer characters when I do"

this is pretty clear confirmation that peridot was fully written with completely different ideas in mind from completely different people. jesse zuke INTENDED for peridot and lapis to be read as having a queer relationship, in this post shes encouraging people to read it that way, meanwhile other writers had other intentions which are just as real and valid.

inconsistency and messy production in steven universe is not a new thing

[do-you-know-this-adhd-character]

I can't think of a single non-ADHD character but this is very funny so I'm going this feel free to ignore this ask lol

I am submitting Brutus the rubber ducky on my desk as a canonically non-ADHD character (I said so, and it's real life canon now)

Name: Brutus the Duck

Source: Real Life and maybe Rubber Ducky Hell (not sure fully yet)

He has perfect executive functioning. If he wants to go something it is done within a few seconds due to his incredibly power.

I've insulted him many times and he never budges. He only gets meaner. He has so RSD.

I made him wear a little hat for a while and it didn't annoy him so no sensory issues.

He stared at me with judgmental little bitch boy eyes all the time and hasn't even gotten distracted from this task of his so he's very good at focusing and hasn't hyperfixated or hyperfocused on anything else.

He mocks me when I get distracted and I focus on my work solely because I don't want him to judge me. He's mean and has no sympathy for ADHD traits and I don't think he's projecting at all he just sucks that bad.

He has perfect memory and remembers all my faults. :(

Idk why I just spent so long typing this. Boredom makes me do things. Anyways. Joke submission kinda but hope this is at least fun to read poll blog

Do you know this (canon) non-ADHD being?

[violetsareblue-selfships]

Training

Ship: Ayaka x April | Word Count: 682 | Warnings/Tags: fluffy, self-indulgent ^.<

A/N: ehe i nearly forgot i was gonna post this today oopsies but here we are! a little fluffy ficlet for her birthday~ I hope you all enjoy it!!

Ayaka grips her book tighter and resolutely directs her face down towards the pages. She starts to read, but several paragraphs later, she realizes she's not retaining any of the story.

She lets out a little huff and raises her head again, her eyes falling on the source of her distraction. How is she meant to focus on her reading when April's in the same room looking so freaking attractive?

It's her own fault. She can admit that much at least. It was her idea to read while April worked on her training. She just didn't expect it to be this hard to focus with the other girl exercising like this.

If this had been Thoma or her brother or really anyone else, she's sure that she would have no trouble reading her book. She's done that before, actually. It's one of the only times she can spend time with her brother with how busy he is. Though, to be honest, she's also usually working on her sword technique at the same time he is so there's not a chance for her to read like this.

The next move of April's involves her flipping her polearm over the back of her hand and catching it again, the sight of which sends a little jolt to Ayaka's heart. How? How does someone look that good doing something so simple??

And the sounds!! Ayaka hates to admit it but that's the main reason she can't focus. Not with April letting out small grunts and noises of exertion like this.

Necessary noises for this type of exercise, Ayaka's fully aware, but they're causing her face to heat up nonetheless. They remind her too much of… other fantasies of hers.

April sighs softly and de-summons her weapon before beginning to stretch. Ayaka barely holds back a squeak at the idea she might be caught and stares down at her book again. Still, she can't keep herself from sneaking little glances as April stretches.

She thinks she actually does squeak this time when April uses her vision to douse her hair in water, letting out a contented sigh as the water cools her off. April glances over at the sound, a small smirk quirking her lips.

"See something you like, princess?" She teases, giggling as Ayaka starts to stammer and looks down at her book again.

April shakes her head and goes over to the pitcher of ice water that was prepared earlier, pouring herself a glass and downing it. Then she goes over to sit by Ayaka's side.

Ayaka is still looking away, so she jolts a little in surprise when April's fingers gently nudge her chin up. Her face flushes anew at April's eyes so close to hers and April smiles warmly at her.

"Why are you so embarrassed, love? I knew when I invited you here that you'd end up watching… There's nothing wrong with it." April says softly.

"I know. I just didn't expect it to be so…" Ayaka trails off, several words coming to mind but none of them being good enough.

April laughs softly, seeming to know what she means. "It's different, huh?" Ayaka nods the best she can with April's fingers still holding her face up. "Of course, it is. Watching your partner exercise is different than watching anyone else."

"Wait… Is that why… before, when you watched me and Ayato spar…?" Ayaka trails off, both of them knowing what situation she's referring to. April's cheeks slowly turn pink and she laughs a bit sheepishly.

"Yes. That's why I got so flustered back then." April admits and Ayaka hums softly. "I couldn't help it. You look so pretty wielding a sword, my dear."

Ayaka blushes again but she giggles at the compliment. April smiles and leans closer to kiss her softly. "Now, come on. I seem to recall you wanting to have a picnic today?"

"Oh, right!" Ayaka perks up. April giggles and stands up, reaching for Ayaka's hand and helping her to her feet. The two smile and walk back into the estate, looking forward to their upcoming date.

[stories-of-the-nrm]

A Record Breaking Celebration

Narrator: It was a cool October day in 1937 England. Sir Nigel Gresley reads his newspaper when one of the Doncaster engineers comes in.

Engineer: Sir, it's done!

(Sir Nigel Gresley looks up from his newspaper).

Sir Nigel Gresley: Done? Which engine is done?

Engineer: Your 100th engine.

(He sets the newspaper down on his desk).

Sir Nigel Gresley: Splendid. I would like to see Bittern's first firing.

Engineer: Bittern? I believe there's a misunderstanding, sir. This engine's been named after you by the suggestion of the RCTS.

(He rubs his eyes).

Sir Nigel Gresley: No matter. Simply have one of the other engines named that.

(He stands up and follows the engineer to the works. He looks over the engine before giving the signal to light the fire).

?: Where? Where am I?

Sir Nigel Gresley: No worries young engine. This is the Doncaster Works of the London and North Eastern Railway in England. My name is Sir Nigel Gresley, your creator.

?: Oh. It's an honor to meet you sir.

Sir Nigel Gresley: Thank you. You're quite a special engine to me. My 100th completed engine, meaning you will be honored at a naming ceremony at Marylebone station after you pass your tests.

Nigel: Thank you sir! I hope I can make you proud.

(Sir Nigel Gresley laughs).

Sir Nigel Gresley: Excellent. Now once you're cleared to work, you will be transferred to Kings Cross.

(We fade to the Great Gathering in 2013).

Narrator: Mallard and Nigel spend time talking to each other about their pasts.

Nigel: Yes things were quite different in just the little amount of time I was in service before your first firing. Sometimes I wonder if things would be different if another engine became his hundredth. I was immediately given special treatment.

Mallard: Oh yes I remember. I was still learning how to handle coaches right there in Doncaster. Of course breaking the speed record likely took away your spotlight.

(Nigel shuts his eyes for a second).

Nigel: Not at all brother. I was still given the opportunity to test the air conditioned rolling stock while you were preparing for a speed record run. It's always an honor to be tasked with demonstrating technological advancements.

Mallard: Indeed. I heard your demonstration to open the Rugby test station in Warwickshire back in '48 went smoothly. If only I can say the same about my own showing at the Trials.

Nigel: I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Your history with the middle big end overheating was known since your record run a decade prior. It was simply a fault in our design that was brought to attention for future reference.

(Mallard sighs).

Mallard: By the way Nigel, do you remember taking the Royal Train back in 1956?

(Nigel thinks).

Nigel: Oh yes the Royal Train. Even more an honor than reaching 112 mph pulling the Stephenson Special.

Mallard: Yes that run in 1959 was splendid brother. A fully functional passenger train. Didn't you break the 100 mph mark more than once elsewhere?

Nigel: Indeed. I broke it twice more. Our cousin Scotsman was quite familiar with the man on my footplate that day. A Mr. Alan Pegler.

Mallard: That's right he was with the board for the BTC.

(There's a pause for silence).

Mallard: At least you got to go on runs after all these years. I believe my last outing. Why I personally can't recall having a run since the 1980s.

Nigel: Ah yes your 50th anniversary. You must be quite popular if you've been a static exhibit that long.

Mallard: I'm afraid so. In fact that was particularly why I apologize for the state of my human form. My parts are simply unsuitable and they will likely never be replaced.

(Nigel pats Mallard's shoulder).

Nigel: Never mind that. This is a symbol of your respect. After your years of service and holding the steam record you deserve to be preserved forever. This is your time to enjoy the pleasures of phenomenon never explored.

Mallard: Don't tell me our cousin convinced you that human food is a viable source of joy?

Nigel: Not entirely. I enjoy a treat for special occasions but nothing more. In fact to honor your run, I asked my driver to buy you a gift.

(Mallard watches as he goes to pick up a bottle of port and a box of truffles).

Mallard: You didn't.

Nigel: I did little brother. You made a great accomplishment and brought honor to our railway. To this day after 75 years that record still stands. I am more than honored to have you as a brother.

(Mallard looks touched).

Mallard: I suppose I have no choice in the matter. Very well then Nigel, you may open the bottle.

Nigel: Splendid. I admit this is my first time as well so I'll simply ask Bittern to do so.

(Mallard raises an eyebrow).

Mallard: She's familiar with human food? But she's so mindful of her human form.

Nigel: Yes she did have an influence from her brief reunion with our cousin Scotsman. Since she's returned to active service, she did develop a well balanced approach to eating.

(Mallard sighs).

Mallard: Alright brother. You can ask her.

Nigel: Splendid. I'll be right back, brother.

Narrator: As Nigel leaves, Mallard reflects on his family's past including Scott's overhaul.

(Nigel returns and hands a glass of wine to Mallard).

Nigel: By the by, how is our dear cousin Scotsman?

(Mallard groans).

Mallard: The last I saw him was Railfest. His health had gone to the dogs. I saw numerous marks on his arms and was nothing but languish.

(Nigel raises an eyebrow).

Nigel: He dared risk taking on his human form?

Mallard: Apparently so and it was a pitiful display that set a terrible example for Tornado. She is meant to be a proper woman as the first of his class in decades. He was to be the role model she needs if she is to represent our former railway as opposed to stuffing his face.

(Nigel takes a sip of wine).

Nigel: I suggest having some patience with our cousin, brother. An overhaul that lasted this long, with little progress is bound to cause issues. Given his fondness for his human form, I can only imagine the pain he must have been in.

(Mallard takes a sip before putting the glass down).

Mallard: Pardon me, brother. I appreciate the thought you put into this celebration of ours, but I don't find this wine to my taste.

Nigel: I understand and I'm thankful that you tried it. Perhaps these truffles will be more to your liking.

(Mallard picks up the small box).

Mallard: Are you familiar with these Nigel?

Nigel: My knowledge goes as far as knowing that these were made by a French chocolate master and are meant to be pure dark chocolate. My driver said that dark chocolate is meant to be slightly more bitter than milk chocolate.

Mallard: And we're meant to simply take one and eat it in one bite?

(Nigel picks one up).

Nigel: Indeed as being shaped similar to a ball makes them quite easy to eat.

(They both eat one).

Mallard: My my. Would these go well with tea? I believe some of my female passengers enjoyed these now that I think about it.

Nigel: I would say an Earl Grey tea would mix well with dark chocolate. I have learned how to make tea, so I can get that made for us.

Mallard: Excellent. Thank you.

Narrator: After the box of truffles were finished, Mallard and Nigel return to their engines for the night.

Mallard: Thank you for spending the day with me Nigel.

Nigel: Your welcome brother. I'm glad we have the opportunity to talk with each other again. Good night.

Mallard: Good night.

(With that the two fall asleep happy to have seen each other again).

AN: Thank you to Gatatodapoderosa from DeviantArt. I no longer post on there but still field requests. If you can read this, I'll still post this on Ao3 as promised. This was a fun one to make as I liked reading about an individual engine's history and how that could translate to their personalities.

[animerunner]

Very random question. What do you think about " [insert media name here] critical " tags and blogs on Tumblr? There sure a lot of especially for cartoons like TOH, SU, She-Ra and etc.

Okay so heads up I’ll be talking mainly TOH from that list but I do talk some other things.

TLDR: I don't like them mainly because its not a true critique. Its more of a pure negative view without a willing discussion of why it might be that way. Or even a willing discussion at times of where the show went right.

And that's not a critique.

That's just being negative.

(TBC I know every person in these tags behave that way. But there are too many for me to have the energy to deal with. Thus y'all are on filter unless I have the energy to maybe have a discussion.)

Longer explanation and discussion of the issues at hands under the read more.

So to be honest I have most of the straight up critical tags on my filter list. And thus the blogs by extension.

Which yeah a bit of a hypocrite here since I interacted with that one blog before. But for me at least the difference between blogs that take all comers and the straight up critical blogs. Is just about that.

One is allowing for an open discussion. Whether or not the people on either side want to have it is a whole other matter. But it’s not one sided at the very least.

Like I don’t mind having a discussion about a materials flaws. I am a PJO fan as well and have discussions with friends about the flaws on both the book and the show.

And I fully acknowledge that there are good critiques to be had. Nothing is ever fully perfect. I know as fans we like to pretend it is. But there will be flaws.

It’s more when you start straight up will go critical without discussions of what the material did right. Or not understanding why the flaw might exist in the original source material. (Ie lack of education on certain subjects with PJO or rather unfortunate consequences of Disney meddling in the case of TOH)

Which is where a lot of these blogs and the vast majority of that tag in my experience fail. All they want to do is talk about the failure of the material. Rather than where it succeeded. Or maybe even putting thought into why it ended up there.

Because yes sometimes it’s on the person making. (-cough- Rowling) And sometimes the source material has aged poorly enough finding the positives overall is very difficult. But other times there are outside factors. And sometimes there are still good things in the source (not just the headcanons people think are canon because its been repeated too much.)

And a lot of times with the tags. And by extension those kind of blogs. There is ironically not a lot of critical thought into why it exists. It’s more complaining for the sake of complaining.

(Which I get it. Sometimes that’s what you want. Sometimes that’s what you want to read. I do but being critique of the show you should be doing more than just be negative. At that point it’s not critical. It’s just negative. Which yes those do overlap. But they aren’t 100 percent the same thing.)

Like you’ll occasionally get into a discussion of valid issues with people on why it is that way. Which is why I’ll occasionally be willing to actually read posts that aren’t just tagged as critical.

But a lot of the critical tag has an issue with critical thought in my experience.

And sometimes you also just run into people who are so far down a rabbit hole they don’t want to admit flaws in certain things thus ironically somehow pivoting to being critical of the source material. When it’s their own perception of a character or situation that is at fault here.

(Looking a huge chunk of the Belos fans after WAD aired.)

Which yes that’s also a problem. I won’t deny it. There is a thing as being too positive.

And before someone tries to go oh well you don't know how to do it because you've never run one.

Not a blog. But if you follow me on TikTok I do have a critical series of the 90s anime of Sailor Moon. That I haven't worked on in a while because irl stuff. But am planning to get back to.

And you know what I do with it? I try to find at least one positive thing to talk about in the episodes along with the negative things. Because I want to make a point of discussing that yes as flawed as it is they did get some things right.

Not as much as that fandom likes to pretend to at times (90s fans have one of the worst case of 'only positive no negatives here' I have seen at times). But they did do some things right and I do want to acknowledge it.

Even if sometimes the stuff they get right gets frustrating because this would have been great as a non one off thing. But thats a whole other discussion.

Also I have no clue how the pure negative people have the time or energy to be constantly that tbh. Maybe this is a chronic illness thing. But trying to be constantly negative even when something does need to be talked properly critical is exhausting.

I can’t really speak on the others so much. I’ve never gotten into SU. Tried multiple times but eventually excepted that it’s just not my thing. This isn’t me being critical of SU to be clear. I don’t know enough overall to be making opinions on it. As much as reality. Sometimes there’s just media I try and it’s not my thing.

All I have with SU are a lot of second hand stories about its fandom. A lot of which are not necessarily positive. But that’s more the nature of second hand stories tbh.

And SheRas fandom I know even less about. I’ve heard of them. Heard of arguments about ships and I’ve heard critiques on their crew that honestly from an outside perspective sound valid.

All I can guess on both of them (and from what I understand from again second hand knowledge) is how their critical sides are based on my experience with TOH. Are very similar to each other.

So if I ever did get into their fandoms it would be the same issue.

Like to be honest if these tags and blogs were properly critcal. And not just negative 90 percent of the time. I might be willing to interact with them and talk with them.

But its a misnomer at best most of the time.

[lovefrombegonia]

MORE RAMBLING ON THE 3 BODY PROBLEM NETFLIX SERIES

⚠️ Spoiler Warning for the series & books ⚠️

Unfortunately, this is mostly gonna be negative ranting because I am discovering that I am, indeed...a book purist... *CONFESSION 😔* yes, my fellow mortals...I am one of those "but that's not what happened in the novel" kind of person.

This series is low-key pissing me off with what they are doing with ye wengjie. You know....the most crucial character of the whole saga! Why is she all of a sudden in love with Mike? Ok. And why is she trying to save people all of a sudden? She wanted to destroy humanity for what was done to her. And then it was implied she changed her mind along the way...still having enough badassery in her to leave a crucial theory behind with Luo Ji, which, ultimately, did secure humanity's survival. Atleast, for some centuries. They also didn't do so much of her backstory properly. But they be throwing those easter eggs around like "HA-HAA YOU GET IT?!" Why is she in love with Mike Evans?! Why did the show make her look like she got influenced by him rather than the other way around in the books and cdrama. Why did the show make her feel so shallow... They did make it feel like so much of her strength and character did not exist. They took away so much depth and complexity from her, making her look like she did what she did 'in the heat of the moment'. There is SO MUCH that she endured in the source material. And she made all her decisions knowing FULLY what she is doing, under no one's influence. It's like...they villainized her more when there was no need to do that. She is already a great villain. She is literally the phrase "sympathy for lady vengeance" personified. Netflix 's 3 body problem just made her a simple bitter woman.

Also, genderswapping wang miao as auggie salazar. Cool, cool. I like it. What I would have liked more is if they didn't write auggie to be so annoying. Idk if it's the actor or the character writing but this is the worst performance of the cast in terms of acting. You know what, no...this is the writing's fault. I have decided. TBH the only interesting characters right now is Jin and Wade. I am not sure it's because of the actors performing great or the writing is really good for them tho. Also...the Will buying a star for Jin didn't hit me as much as it did in the book. Kinda disappointed in myself with that. Am I getting cold-hearted? Jin's boyfriend is that character I think...hmm. Will, Saul and the rich dude, they all acted like I was watching a YA Netflix series. Oh wait...

Idk how else to say it but they have netflix-ified all the characters 😂😂

I think those who didn't read the books or watched the cdrama would like it better. I am either too biased to like this watered down version of the original story or the show really is underwhelming.

They have "simplified" or dumbed down the whole story.

And I find that low-key offensive because the sciency parts and philosophical parts were not that complicated. General audience could have understood it. If I can get it then all can get it, and I could understand almost all of it. But the creators don't got enough fate in us. SHAME. They also completely slipped the part about how China's political and social environment had influenced the characters. So much meat from the story is just hollowed out. They basically took out all the seasoning that made the story's flavour stand out so much. And gave us...this...jam and butter sandwich. It's not bad food. It's just not the feast it should have been.

I feel like I am only saying bad things about the show, so, here are the positives: the series is, in the end, an entertaining sci-fi so far, with great visuals. Especially, in episode 2 and 5. The gore is GOOD. Most of the actors do good job. The VFX is pretty fantastic. They have crunched the story but I don't think it's gonna be confusing for new viewers. The screenplay adaptation is done well enough imo. As well as a usual good Netflix show can be. You will enjoy it more if the original books would stop whispering in your ear the whole time 🤭

Either way, I will still say, it's a solid sci-fi thriller on its own as a Netflix series.

As a fan of the source material, I will give them 4/10.

As its own thing, I will give it juuuuuuust below 7/10.

[shunshuntaiga]

Okay so, thoughts on Half Bad: the Bastard son and the Devil Himself as a book fan.

Mind you, it's been years since I read the books so the details are a little foggy through my goldfish memory. This will contain spoilers.

Overall, enjoyable. It's so different from the source material that it's hard to compare the two properly, because even the characters are different from how they are in the books. I hope they continue into a season 2 because I'd like to see where they take the book two story of Nathan learning to control his powers (please please please, give me the shared trance sequence with Gabriel god yes please)

Nathan:

In the books his mental health is a very important part of the story, he's depressed, he's been abused his whole life, and it affected how he interacted with the world as a whole. In the show he's still the Nathan from the books, but as if he'd grown up happy with no mental health problems.

They really toned down this aspect of the show. Giving him a loving grandmother, and friends, and a life outside of being a blood witch.

It made his relationship with Annalise in the books more dependent on her, because he'd never *had* someone who cared.

BTW Annalise? HATED HER. In the books at least, they really did a 180 on her personality in the show. They made her defend him which I appreciated, because in the books she never once fought for him (at least that I can remember) and he still adored her even when she was actively letting her brother(s) abuse him.

I don't believe her gift was Undoing as well. I think is was akin to mind control of some kind? (As I said, foggy on details. But I noticed they changed A LOT of people's powers for the sake of excitement)

She also didn't join him after his escape in the books. That was all Nathan and Gabriel for the longest time, and she only reappeared when her family wanted her to go manipulate him.

Gabriel:

A difficult one. His personality is so different from the books he's basically a different character all together. I still like him, but I miss my soft spoken boy who was more than willing to sit with Nathan's volatile moods.

I do like how Annalise and Gabriel start out hating each other (they hate each other in the books, Gabriel with good reason to) but the fact that they become friends, united in their love for Nathan is really nice.

Also I don't know how they managed to make a show that feels like I'm being queer baited SO HARD with their relationship, seeing as Nathan distinctly chooses Gabriel in the books, but hats off netflix you've done it.

SPOILER

As much as I like an Ot3, I'm not sure how I feel about the Nathan/Annalise/Gabriel thrupple deal they've got working. It feels like they're going to ignore Annalise's emotional manipulation and betrayal of Nathan because they afraid to make the main character "fully gay" (I know he's bi, but he does fall out of love with Annalise and in love with Gabriel and I'm sentimental about that because it was the first queer MAIN character I had ever seen.)

BIG POTENTIAL SPOILER

I have hope for the show NOT killing Gabriel because in the finale *they did his death sequence*. In the book he gets shot while trying to escape hunters with Nathan, and it's slightly Nathan's fault (due to gifts that I don't remember exactly) and Nathan becomes so depressed by his death that nothing matters to him, even after they win the war, that he becomes a hermit in the wild and eventually, using the transformation powers he inherets from his father, turns into a tree, which is irreversible.

He can't lice without his lover and it's the saddest thing.

SLEEPING OUTSIDE:

Okay, so slightly disappointed they changed this bit, but in the books blood witches are categorized by their fear of being trapped indoors at night time. So they sleep outside in the open air.

I understand they changed this because it would have been more difficult to film and it's unimportant. But CELIA DIDNT JUST PUT HIM OUTSIDE IN A CAGE TO BE NEEDLESSLY CRUEL. Yes. The cage is cruel, they glossed over many details of his actual time in her care because it was honestly awful, but being outside was for his own safety because blood witches trapped indoors at night loose their minds.

I also kind of wish they spent less time focusing on his sister and built up the relationship between Celia and Nathan. Because they had a special, weird bond in the books.

I did enjoy the show as a whole, and if they make more, I will watch more. But yeah, I have a lot of thoughts because I really loved these books when I read them.

[saccharinecoffee]

Feed | Fieldcest

Pairing ◈ Light Field & Clover Field

Word count ◈ 2,230

Info & Warnings ◈ Smut, Vampire!Light, Human!Clover, Pain kink

Author's notes ◈ Wrote this before even finishing the game. Also I accidentally forgot about his arm being a prosthetic, but I gather it's perfectly ignorable for the sake of the smut! 😬

Read on Ao3

"You don't know what you're asking for," he chided her, licking a hungry stripe over her pulse. "You shouldn't want me to do this just because you love me." Or, Light is hesitant to feed off of Clover, despite her many requests.

"Come on," she whispered, craning her neck further to him. She was in his arms, a hand on her jaw holding her in place. The pretty silk robe she wore slipped off her shoulder, lewdly exposing her clavicles, breastbone and the top of her soft chest. Her hair, undone, fell down her back in luscious rosewood-coloured waves.

If Light could see her, he'd surely be ravenous.

His lips parted, a tongue peeking out to lick his bottom lip in anticipation; Clover felt so flushed that she didn't doubt he could smell the surfacing blood on her skin and so close to his waiting mouth. 

"You know how I worry," he said gently, voice dripping with concern in the only way an older brother knew how. I'm responsible for you, she could imagine him thinking. Should anything happen to you, it's my fault. She knew him well enough to know that much. But he still attempted to hide his anxieties, his thumb caressing her jaw with a patient smile on his lips.

"You know I want it," she pressed, confident yet relaxed in his arms. She was smiling up at his unseeing eyes all the while, almost growing the smallest bit sad at her brother's hesitance to trust in her. To trust in himself.

She felt his grip on her tighten ever so slightly, before frowning in an expression of pure concentration and lowering his face down to the crook of her neck. It sent a pleasurable tingle down her spine, the way his long nose trailed over her skin. His breath was hot as it kissed her skin, lips so close yet so far as the arm around her waist pulled her even closer to him.

He'd never fed off of her before, usually sticking to blood bags that lasted him months at a time. It was never something he even considered, asking for her help. Self-reliant and protective to a fault, he went as far as to deny her suggestions every single time they were made.

At first, it wasn't hard to imagine why. They were children when he turned, too young to be depleting an even more vulnerable kid of her life source. Later, though, it became less of a concern for her survival and more so pertaining to the nature of their relationship.

Sitting so close on their shared bed, sheet protectors over their linen and limbs tangled, she felt her breathing faltering as her anticipation grew. His lips finally made contact with her skin in wet, open mouthed kisses he peppered up and down the column of her neck. He was gentle and loving, a slow simmer between them compounding each minute which left her throbbing dully between her thighs. 

It was intimate, feeding. An unspoken understanding always beneath the surface, that mouths and teeth and hands would touch, press and invade sensitive parts of the donor’s body in ways no brother ever should. 

But the veil between them had dropped, that fear no longer an issue as they loved each other fully and shamelessly, in the way they always truly had.

His teeth scraped over her heated skin, so antsy she twitched in his hold and almost moaned into the room. His fangs were out. He was careful, but she could still feel them, sharp and dangerous, and catching her flesh just enough to sting. It was exhilarating.

"Light," she whimpered, something breathy and desperate as she held onto him.

"Yes, Clover?"

She bit her lip, worrying it between her teeth as she pressed her thighs together.

"Just do it," she insisted. "You're hungry, aren't you?"

His tongue traced over the edges of his teeth, over the edges of his sharp, extended canines. He wanted it, that much was clear.

"Yes." His voice seemed calm, but she could hear how tense he was, clear as day.

"Then go for it," she said, a light chuckle bubbling in her throat. And then, she raised her hand, bringing it to his face and tracing his bottom lip with her thumb. "Take me. I'm yours, remember?"

He inhaled sharply, expression growing incredibly serious. He held her hips with renewed strength, pulling her body flush to his, holding onto her thigh and bringing it over his lap. Her other leg, folded between them, rubbed up against his groin and made him grunt. She barely had the time to react to his arousal before his teeth were on her flesh.

He didn't pierce it, not yet, his front teeth nipping her skin hard before licking it over and sucking her skin purple. He wasn't shy, no longer gentle as he wrapped his arms around her body tightly, feeling the silk between his fingers and grabbing fistfuls of it and the flesh beneath it greedily. And she moaned wantonly, body shivering at the pleasure he drew from abusing her marred flesh.

"You don't know what you're asking for," he chided her, licking a hungry stripe over her pulse. "You shouldn't want me to do this just because you love me."

He sucked on the skin closest to her carotid artery, where he'd stressed earlier he could not pierce, and she squirmed helplessly. Too sensitive, she felt, her voice wavering as it escaped her throat in wispy moans. His erection was hard where it strained in his slacks and against her leg, but he didn't pay it any mind, his focus solely on her and only her as he ravaged her skin almost desperately, but never drawing blood.

There was a beat, then, as Light grew still and quiet as his heavy breaths filled the room, head hanging as though at war with himself, deliberating, and recomposing himself. Clover watched with bated breath as slowly, her brother leaned closer and pressed a hard, chaste kiss on her shoulder, his hands almost trembling where they rested on the tops of her thighs. "You... You shouldn't trust me just because I love you." 

His lips lingered on her skin, the precise place they'd discussed he should bite. It was far enough from endangering her, but close enough to make it feel real.

She only chuckled, threading her small fingers through the silky waves of his hair.

"I don't trust you just because of that, idiot." He kissed her shoulder again, more gently. "I trust you because you're the smartest, most caring person I know. You'd never hurt me, even by mistake..."

He sat with her words, thumbs rubbing circles over her hips and inadvertently sending little sparks down to her growing arousal.

"I see," he spoke with a smile in his voice, one she could not see as he kept nosing her skin. His wide hands ran up her hips, over her small waist, and up her back. He held her jaw once more, and with his other hand he held her shoulder down. 

Before she knew it, he bit down on her, hard and fully. She gasped loudly, the wind knocked from her lungs as both dull and sharp pain wracked over her body. She whimpered as he removed his fangs from her flesh and warm blood trickled down her back and chest. His mouth was quick to close itself around the wound, licking her skin clean and drinking her flowing blood eagerly. He groaned, voice rumbling deep in his chest, almost surprised at his own enjoyment; it was eerily similar to that of someone having a hearty, delectable meal, or an exquisite, sweet dessert.

She hoped she was both his nourishment and a treat, two-fold – for all the strife she caused her loving, patient brother it was the very least she could do. 

They stayed that way for a while, him sucking her blood as she shivered and gasped in pleasure. It should hurt more, she reasoned with herself; she was bleeding and her skin was torn as Light all but ate her alive, but all she felt was an ache for him, all of him, and for more. She was so terribly aroused it almost hurt, making tears spill down her cheeks as the painful throb on her shoulder sent further shocks of pleasure down her spine. It was unbearable, an ecstasy that hurt in all the best ways. But still, it wasn't enough.

"Light," she sobbed. "Please..."

He looked up at her, hand cradling her wet cheek in concern.

"Are you okay, Clover? Do you wish to stop?"

She shook her head, hiccupping as more tears ran down her cheeks, her neck still craned to him in a silent plea.

"Please fuck me, I can't stand it anymore," she begged as she spread her legs and wrapped them around his hips. "Please, I need you so bad..."

He gulped, eyes wide and breath stuttering as he exhaled, a quiet fire burning beneath his focused expression. He licked his blood-stained lips hungrily and obliged her, pushing her down on the bed. With her back firmly on the comforter, he ran his hands possessively down her body, spreading her robe open and catching the elastic of her undies. One of his hands ran over her stomach one last time, his equivalent of a once-over, before going forth and pulling the panties down. Fully naked before him, he thumbed her slit curiously, shaking his head in disbelief and muttering a stunned "fuck" under his breath, as it quickly became coated with her slick.

"Does it feel good, sweetheart?" He asked, voice smooth and sultry. "Doesn't it hurt?"

Her cheeks were aflame, stinging her skin in embarrassment as she bit her lip.

"It hurts so good, Light," she confessed. "Please be quick, I can't take it anymore..." 

"It's okay," he cooed, leaning down to kiss her clavicle, then trailing further south, over her sternum and nipples. His hands were warm and soothing, one caressing her hips and thighs, and the other rubbing slow circles over her swollen clit. "Your big brother will take care of you. I'll make it all better, make you feel so good."

She nodded, babbling incoherently as he unzipped his slacks and fisted his cock, fully hard and leaking at the tip. He spat into his own hand, lathered himself with haste, and began pressing in.

Her eyelids fluttered closed as he slipped into her with ease, her body so accustomed to his length it took little effort to bottom out. He hovered over her, kissing the corner of her parted lips sweetly before speaking just and gently.

“May I keep drinking, love?”

She nodded before he even finished his question, eager and desperate and clenching around him so she could sate her growing need all the quicker. He laughed tightly, struggling to keep him composure with the vice she held his cock with, but he resumed the starving work on her shoulder nonetheless, sucking and licking the sore, abused flesh as he thrust out and back in again.

She cried, moans unabashed and uncontained as his dick fucked every sensitive nerve in her body and sucked on the throbbing, painful wound and milking it dry. Hot, blinding pleasure built exceedingly fast, growing from sated, eager sighs to the wild state she was now in. She held onto her lover, her dear brother's shoulders for dear life, and closed her eyes tightly, focusing on the lovely creeping feeling of her pleasure building into orgasm.

"I– I'm gonna– Oh, Light, I'm gonna–"

"Go ahead, sweetheart," he encouraged, his wet mouth trailing up her neck and coming up to her ear. "Come for me, show me how good you feel."

She nodded into his shoulder, sobbing as she reached between them to rub herself into her climax.

It felt as though she was struck by lightning from within, the pleasure so overwhelming it burst like a supernova only she could see. She thrashed against him, wave after wave washing over her as he kept fucking her through it. Squeezing so hard around him, she felt his erection twitch and release, as Light himself shivered and groaned through his own peak.

“God, Clover,” he groaned, hips stuttering as he buried himself to the hilt into her, jaw hanging open and pressed against her neck.

As the small sparks of their lingering pleasure faded, Light was quick to sit up and reach for the small medical kit he’d kept on the corner of their bed. With a wet towel he cleaned the remaining blood. It was smeared over her shoulder and chest and slowly drying in some places. She wondered when the bleeding had stopped, as he dripped rubbing alcohol onto cotton disks and disinfected the wound he’d bit into her. It stung on contact, but it wasn’t too bad. She had thought the whole ordeal would have been worse, and perhaps it could still be, once the endorphins fully left her system, but the experience had been amazing, certainly one for the books.

She marvelled at the way her brother felt his way through bottles and tubes of cream, through utensils and small cardboard boxes with funny labels, feeling for the braille on the lower edges of the items and picking the correct ones. He put ointment on her shoulder and a large, medical bandage with utmost care and tenderness, and finally, he laid next to her with a huff.

They still had much to clean up before properly heading to bed, but that small slice of time, they deserved a little break. 

◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈

Thank you so much for reading! Please consider sharing and checking out my other works! 💗💗💗

[heroftruth]

A visit to Red in Johto leads to a Hilda opening up to him about her nightmares.

@twilighttheater

“how long has it been since you last slept?”

She steals a glance towards the other once the question registers. “I slept for a bit earlier.” Hilda isn’t lying when she answers him, she did get some sleep, but as for how restful it was, or rather wasn’t, is another matter. Rest hasn’t come easily- she hadn’t had a full, undisturbed, and restful sleep since the night she beat Team Plasma, and that had only been achieved from how exhausted she was mentally and physically.

“The time difference and all has had me up.” Again, her statement is not a total lie, but she knows the lack of honesty in what she chooses to tell would earn her a stern look for Reshiram if the dragon were to see her. Jet lag, or simply trying to keep traveling, has been the source of her lack of rest for ages- even if today it isn’t the only root.

Red doesn’t buy it for a second, while she has valid excuses he already knows this can’t be the only source of what’s making her restless. She’s defensive and looks exhausted, if it had been a stranger then Red would’ve minded his own business… but not with Hilda. “Is that really the only reason?” He asks, giving her a chance to tell the truth. He’d probably have to call her out if she didn’t, and even if she did the point still stands: she needs to get some rest before she passes out somewhere. “Even if that is all it is, you really look like you need the sleep. Surely whatever it is that you have to do today can wait while you give yourself a break.”

Cerulean hues avoided his gaze, a sigh slipping through her lips as she let his question hang in the air. She should have known the other would be able to read her so easily. Even if they haven’t known each other for long, their stories mirrored so closely.

Hilda continued to avoid his eyes, unsure of how to respond. “I’m okay,” She started, this again did not feel like a lie as she uttered it. After all, Hilda had gotten used to functioning off of far less sleep, her once normal sleeping habits slowly crumbling throughout the later half of her journey. Over the past three years a combination of stress, pushing herself, and the nightmares she refused to confess to had seen to that. “I’m used to this, besides it’ll make adjusting to the time difference harder.”

“Being used to it doesn’t make it okay,” he replies bluntly. “And while I do see your point, I don’t think resting for at least an hour is going to do you much harm. You’ll have at least a bit of a recharge and then stay up for the rest of the day so you can adjust.” Even while she felt like she wasn’t lying, Red would’ve felt like that in itself was her lying to herself. But even while he spoke to her, he didn’t look at her as though she was fully the one at fault. He wanted her to listen to him yes, but he didn’t blame her for how she felt and hoped she wouldn’t read it that way either. “…If you decided to maybe I would too, my sleep schedule hasn’t been consistent in years. Whenever I pass out is purely up to the legendary pokemon.” He jokes, but it’s also completely honest. He partially hopes that by admitting this, maybe she might be a little more willing to talk about her own troubles… and maybe take up his thought to rest.

She knows he isn’t wrong, the sleep patterns she has held have not been healthy ones, regardless of if she’s found a way to manage. Even so, she can’t get herself to admit to this. A small, pessimistic, part of her wonders why the other trainer cares so much, but this too she refuses to voice. Hilda knows that giving into that negative voice that’s been in the back of her mind since her journey picked up isn’t something she should indulge

A sigh works its way from her lips. She cant help but pull her knees closer to her chest, cerulean hues firmly situated upon her hands that wrap around them. Hilda knows Red is trying here, and even if talking about this all hasn’t been easy in the slightest, she should try to meet him half way. “I haven’t been able to sleep through the night,” she starts, her voice quiet. “Nightmares.” He’d suspected that might have been part of it, to hear the confirmation didn’t surprise him at all. He’d simply nodded, this was yet another thing he was not a stranger towards himself. It was not an easy thing to handle in the least either, there was no perfect answer for how to solve this one. Besides simply… talking about it, and talking about what caused it. Which Hilda was usually not very open to doing, but that was fine. He’d listen when she was ready, she had to decide it. Not him. “If it’s too much, don’t feel like you have to talk… but what happens in your nightmares?” He thought back to her comment, feeling like she was still in Team Plasma’s throne room. He felt like his suspicions on her mental state were confirmed more than enough, but Red couldn’t tell if she knew already or not.

She steals a glance Red’s way, letting her gaze settle on they way he’s looking at her. His expression is knowing, making her remember just how understanding her has been. His concern feels genuine, even if he doesn’t push her to talk about what has been plaguing her. Hilda can’t help but be thankful for his patience, she’s been shutting out his efforts even if she wants to let him help.

“I-” Where to begin, Hilda doesn’t even know where to start, her voice wavering as she tries to say something. In her nightmares she’s mostly back in the throne room. Sometimes Reshiram doesn’t wake, sometimes she is consumed in flames, other times it’s the sheer anger that radiated off of Ghetsis. “What do you know about what happened with Team Plasma, mostly at the end?” She hoped her question didn’t come off as dodging his, her intent only to understand what he already knew and what she could spare herself from potentially having to retell.

He pauses to consider her question, desperately wishing that he could answer this in a way that would save Hilda the trouble. But in truth, he only knew crumbs of information about the whole situation with Team Plasma. Especially at the end, the aftermath was more clear than the actual event itself. “I remember hearing about Reshiram and Zekrom being summoned… and a brutal battle between you and Team Plasma’s leader, but I’m sorry to say I don’t think I know much else.” He frowns with sympathy, “…only explain as much as you feel you can talk about anyway, if this is too much again: you don’t need to tell me anything.” He felt like her even considering it at all was a step in the right direction if nothing else.

She manages a nod, thankful for his understanding that discussing this isn’t an easy thing. “I feel like if I don’t talk about it now, I won’t.” It’s been over two years since that battle ended, and yet. The team had risen and fallen once again, and still; she has hardly talked to anyone about it. “Team Plasma’s King, N, wanted to battle, Zekrom and Reshiram against one another, in order to settle if pokemon should be liberated or not. Reshiram only woke for me right before I fought against him.” That was the part many knew, it was the battle that had hit the news, the one they had all planned for. “I think part of him wanted me to beat him, to show him that there was hope for pokemon and people. But it didn’t matter, the whole battle was a set up.”

Hilda could still remember the sheer rage that had radiated off of Ghetsis when he had stormed into the ruined throne room, the facade he’d put on of a sickeningly calm sage across Unova forgotten. “Ghetsis was manipulating N the entire time, everything about Team Plasma was his cover for control. He said-” Her voice caught off and she let her eyes fall shut. “He said since I knew the truth I would have to be eliminated… I nearly lost my Samurott to him.”

The story was different yet horribly familiar, as he too had dealt with a criminal leader demanding control, and had his life threatened by them. The biggest difference is that he wasn’t as lucky as Hilda had been in the end. But he didn’t want to compare the issue with her, she’d been through a lot all the same and he just knew how it felt from the bottom of his heart. “I’m glad to hear that you didn’t at least,” he replied after a pause to think. “And also glad you got through it alright in the end… truth be told, while I’ve never been in that same position as you… I’ve been in a disturbingly similar one. So I know how much it can sting you, even years down the line after it’s already done and over with.” “…In your own time, you’ll be able to let it go little by little. As hard and I’m sure unbelievable as that sounds, talking about it with someone is a step in the right direction.” He tried to offer her a comforting smile back, “I’m glad that you trust me enough to even tell me all of this, so thank you for that.”

At first she merely manages a nod, trying to pull herself from the memory of her beloved pokemon unconscious in that throne room, of trying to bandage his wounds enough to get him to a pokemon center. “Sometimes it hits me that he’s still out there, that Interpol never found Ghetsis or the Shadow Traid, even after they caused chaos in Unova twice.” That realization always slammed into her when it came, that those foes were still free in the world and could come back at anytime. “Does that ever happen to you, with Team Rocket?” She did’t know a great deal of what Red himself had faced, but she remembered hearing that he’d gone up against the organization. After that it seemed like every few years a young trainer would be at odds with another organization in different regions. She never expected that she would become one of them.

His words caused for her to glance up, a small smile of her own slipping across her lips. “That you, Red, for everything.” I know we haven’t known one another for too long but it feels easy to talk with you about all of this.” She couldn’t shake the feeling of safety that came with being around him, this sense of comfort from knowing she didn’t have to explain everything- he understood without her needing to. “I’m glad I came to visit.”

He sighed as he didn’t want to answer, he didn’t want to potentially stress her out further by bringing up his issues… but also, he supposed she asked about unfortunately a significant thing in his life. “All the time,” he answered after a pause. “I cleaned out Team Rocket’s influence in Kanto… I believe, but they resurfaced for a bit in Johto, I hadn’t known because I’d… gone into isolation by then. I thought the problem had been solved, it was someone named Gold who drove them out.” “When I started allowing myself to have more public appearances… I found out that they’d gotten their claws into who knows how many places. I started tracking down their bases and driving them out again, it’s like being 14 again but this time having a brain to really understand what’s going on.” He nods, “so… yeah, I’m uncomfortably familiar with knowing Giovanni is still out there. Someday he’ll be behind bars though, I’ll make sure of that. …And if I can help you with Ghetsis, all the better.” Dropping the heaviness of this conversation for a moment did feel good though, to see her actually smiling and looking just a bit more relieved than she certainly had earlier. “It’s no problem Hilda… and I’m glad you did too. I’m one person but, well I try my best to help anyway. I’m happy I could do that for you.”

She listens as he shares from his own story. It hit her once again how strongly similar some of what they had both been through was. They both had thought what had happened was over, only to discover that it wasn’t. “I understand that, a trainer named Rosa stepped up in my absence. I…” Her voice caught, thinking back to hearing what the other girl had gone through at the hands of Team Plasma. “I feel so guilty about what she had to deal with. I’m one of Unova’s heroes, but I wasn’t there.”

Red’s words cause her to have to take a second to push the panic that attempts to form in the pit of her stomach down. “Please be careful, I don’t know much about Giovanni but Ghetsis is not a sane man.” As much as she would love to see the man face trial for all that he has done, all the people he has hurt, and be put behind bars, she can’t bear the thought of another person being hurt. “I hope someday both of them are brought to justice, but I don’t want to see you hurt either.” She would help Red through if he sought to go after either of them, there is strength in numbers after all.

As the heaviness of the conversation begins to life she feels herself relax some, the tenseness in her posture fading away some. “You have helped, I’m glad I met you.” She leaned back, feeling calmer now allowing for fatigue to settle in. Perhaps Red was right, that getting some more sleep would be a good idea, or at least to try to. “I’ll try to get some more rest for a few hours.”

He’d wondered if Hilda knew her, it doesn’t surprise him that she does all things considered. But he hadn’t had the chance to ask until it was already made clear. “I know Rosa,” he responds with a nod. “She’s really something else I’ll say that, and… I felt guilty when people like Gold and Krys end up stepping up to be heroes when I wasn’t there, so… I know that feeling. But… in short, there’s nothing that can be done about it now and…all we can do now is keep moving forward with our lives. Try to make up for any mistakes we make.” He hadn’t expected such concern from Hilda for his safety, and thinking the sentiment over he figured he likely should have. But Red’s so used to people thinking him to be unstoppable, hearing that someone was sincerely worried for him and his actions… he hadn’t heard that in a long time. He’d paused as emotion threatened to well up in his eyes, before he cleared his throat and pushed the feeling back down. “…I’ll be fine, I’m sure. You don’t need to worry about me, but… I’ll be careful in any case.” Could he promise that? … He’d try his best to do so, if nothing else. He smiled hearing that she was actually going to get some rest. “That’s probably for the best, and… well we can find something to do when you get up. Sleep well, Hilda.”

“She really is,” Hilda started, her thoughts drifting to the other trainer. “I met her not long after I returned to Unova.” She couldn’t help but worry about her, Rosa had gone through so much at the hands of Team Plasma, and Hilda couldn’t help but feel like she was partially to blame. “It’s hard figuring out where to start with moving on, after everything.” She was trying, Arceus she was trying, but it felt to her like she hadn’t gotten anywhere.

“Please,” She paused to look over at her, her gaze meeting his. “If you do be careful. I’ll go with you, if you’ll have me. You don’t have to go it alone.” Hilda knew he couldn’t promise to be safe, and neither could she. Being in their positions, all the could do was promise to try. That was just reality of the targets that resided on their backs. It made Hilda wonder if there would always be some risk there as a result.

She gave him a small smile back at his words. “Sounds like a plan, I’ll try to.” She really didn’t want to sleep, worried she’d just fall into another nightmare once she closed her eyes, but she knew the other was right. She couldn’t run herself ragged, she needed to try.

While her thoughts drifted to Rosa, her last statement made Red’s thoughts drift to the peak of Mt. Silver where he’d asked that same question. “…I wish I could tell you,” he replies without thinking, his mind still halfway stuck in the memory of the howling winds and chilling snow. “It’s… always difficult, and different for every person. But trying to figure out how to move on… that’s a good step in the right direction regardless, at least that’s what I like to think.” The feelings he’d tried to push down threated to come back again as she spoke, he felt as though he’d lost control of his emotions around her. It was not a good feeling, but it meant she’d get more of a personal reaction out of him for certain. “…I don’t want to put you in danger, Hilda. I’d never object to your company but… I’d never forgive myself if you got hurt because of something that I got myself into.” He helplessly shrugs, both at the situation and his inability to control his reactions. He worried that her nightmares might come back too, but much like she’d said to him she didn’t have to go it alone. Red wasn’t planning on resting just yet, if she’d been woken up by yet another nightmare he’d try his best to help. He had more than enough practice trying to calm himself down, surely at least something would work.

She shakes her head slightly at his words, taking a moment before she looks him in the eyes. “I don’t want you getting hurt either.” Hilda knew the situation with Giovonni was his own battle, and while she wanted to help if he turned it down she wouldn’t fault him. But Ghetsis? If he got hurt at that man’s hands, or anyone from Neo Plasma for that matter, she didn’t think she’d be able to handle it. “I know you can hold your own, and so can I, but that doesn’t mean either of us has to go it alone.”

After the conversation drifted and the two parted for now, Hilda kept true to her word and settled in. Red hadn’t been wrong, the exhaustion that had clung to her quickly won, causing for her to fall asleep quickly. In her dreams she was back once more in the castle, rubble laying all around her. It was a scene that played over and over again in many of her nightmares. Ghetsis stood ahead, his Hydreogon poised to attack. She’d been distracted, dust obscuring her view, and hadn’t registered the attack that had been called, nor that its track was farther to the side than it should have been, until it was too late to react.

Hilda jerked awake, a choked cry escaping her lips as consciousness slammed back into her, her chest heaving and the phantom sensation of dragon pulse’s heat against her skin as she moved.

He fell speechless for a moment with the emotion in her voice, feeling cornered as she was right. She had every reason to stop him and insist they work together, he would’ve done the same for her… but she was being the smarter one to say it from the very beginning. “…Okay,” he admits defeat on the topic. “You’re right, and I know you are. I’m just… sincerely not used to someone caring that much, not for a long time anyway…” He gives a careful nod, “we’ll talk about this again some other time, okay? You really need to get your rest.” He’s glad that at least she’d finally agreed with him on that. Red had been reading a book while Hilda was asleep, he was concerned about her sleep schedule becoming totally backwards as night steadily streamed in. He was hardly tired himself, but he’d been considering attempting to lay down when he heard a cry from Hilda’s room. He barely had time to think, he moved to the door in between their two rooms to knock on it. “Hilda? Are you alright? …Is it fine for me to come in?” If he was given the okay, he’d open the door and go over to her quickly. “…The nightmare came back again didn’t it?” He was afraid that would happen, judging by the look on her face alone he’d hardly needed to guess.

Her chest heaved as she struggled to make sense of where she was. It was Red’s voice that began to ground her, reminding her that she was safe in Johto- not back in Team Plasma’s castle. “y-yeah,” She started, his question finally registering. “You can come in.”

Hilda glanced over, watching as the door separating their two rooms opened, the other making his way over to where she sat. She drew in a breath at his question, keeping quiet for a moment while she moved, allowing for room for him to sit with her if he chose to. She nodded after a moment, still trying to ground herself.

“It’s more of a memory.” Hilda had been yet to tell a single person the details of Ghetsis attempt on her life, on how her Samurott had taken the attack full on to protect her, how she’d feared she had lost him. She may have won the battle in the end, but the scars across her pokemon’s chest were a reminder of where she’d gone wrong. “It keeps coming back.”

He moves to sit next to her carefully, feeling glad that she trusts him that much to allow him to even in such a state. “…I get those dreams too, sometimes.” He admits, “…it can be hard to get through in the moment. All I can think of a lot of the time is just… that it’s not now. It’s thankfully in the past, and it won’t ever happen again.” “But I know, that doesn’t solve it for you in this moment. Because you feel like you’re there again, everything feels like it did when you were there. Trying to talk yourself out of it is one of the only things you can do, besides trying to get your mind off of it anyway.” He looks at her with sympathy, remembering the talk they had earlier. “…If you want to tell me about it, you can. If you don’t want to, I understand. But regardless right now… you’re safe. At least keep that in your mind, and repeat it as many times as you need to.”

She feels a bit calmer as he sits next to her, his presence a reminder that she is safe just as he says. “Do they ever get less frequent?” She asks, looking over at him. She is so tired of the nightmares, of feeling like she’s living in the past. So desperately does she want to let it all go, to be able to move on and find a path forwards- and in a way she realizes, she has started to. She’s here in Johto after all, and she’s not only managed to form a friendship with Red, but to open up to him as well. Hilda’s gaze falls to her hands, in truth she isn’t sure she wants to talk about the memory that’s plagued her, but she finds herself drawing in a deep breath and starting to speak regardless. “I told you that I nearly lost my Samurott to Ghetsis, but that is just the gist. He’d ordered his Hydreigon to attack me with Dragon Pulse, trying to take my life. I was so exhausted, I’d fought the Elite Four, Reshiram, and N all in the same day before him, that I didn’t even notice when he’d called the attack until it was coming towards me. Percy did, he blocked me and took it full on.” Words couldn’t describe how guilty she felt every time she saw the scars across the water type’s chest. “It’s my fault he almost died in that castle, I was told that night at the pokemon center that if it weren’t for the bandages and potions I used that he would have.”

A sigh slipped it’s way from her lips once she finished speaking, a hand raising to push her loose hair over a shoulder before she looked back over at Red. “How long was I asleep for?”

[sammy8d257]

Been thinking about Ghost in the Machine again, and I think what makes it so effective as a horror story isn’t simply the conceit of the plot itself, but that fact that it’s a familiar plot that’s been twisted into something readers will register as “wrong.”

Because we’ve seen “Victim trapped in/being corrupted by the void” before, we’ve seen “Orange discovering his powers” before, heck we’ve even seen “Orange using his powers to rescue Victim from the void” before. But those last two have always been presented as good things, to be happening. We want Orange to learn about his powers, we want Victim to be rescued from the void, we want Orange and Victim to be friends.

This comic gets us the same way that its Victim gets its Orange; by luring us in with familiar wholesomeness and then twisting that familiarity back on itself in the ugliest way until it’s almost unrecognizable. To me, the horror comes not from isolated sources in elements such as the betrayal or the void-corruption or the abandonment, but from the realization that what we wanted…was wrong.

Because, like Orange, we’re earnest. We see the ways it can go badly, but we want so strongly for it to go well, we’re so used to it going well, that we don’t heed the danger signs.

And as a reader, that fascinates me.

Inks I am giving you the firmest of handshakes and I'm tucking you into bed with a cup of your favorite nighttime beverage because

YES

I adore your analysis of the Ghost Machine comic

You pretty much put into words the inherent uneasiness and horror vibe I wanted to comic to have

It's the dichotomy of fandom tropes that have almost always been shown as a positive thing contrasting the very horrible nature of this story

(Oops- Sammy got too passionate about their own story and ended up writing a wall of text dissecting character actions and motivations alskdjlgsjsgs)

My favorite types of horror are ones where the characters feel realistic. Everyone's actions have some sort of human reasoning behind it and as a reader, you can understand why they would do something like that.

Orange isn't a clueless idiot. They don't just happen to keep interacting with Victim by chance. They want to help Gray because they care about them. They see them as a friend. But it's that very same compassion that ends up sealing their fate. It's also that compassion that prevents them from fully reaching out to the rest of the Color Gang.

Multiple times we see Orange try to bring up the notion that they might have powers but because those powers are so heavily connected to the events of AvA 5, it poses a problem since that event triggers bad memories for RYGB.

Orange is kind and empathetic to a fault. How do you ask questions about something when that thing causes panic attacks for the person you're asking? For Orange, that means not bringing it up, ever.

And I don't blame Yellow or the rest of the Color Gang for it either. Watching the people you love get disintegrated into specks is traumatizing. If I was in their shoes, I also wouldn't want to talk about it.

Even Victim, I can sympathize to a degree with. What they did is inexcusable and evil, but at the same time, I get it. There's something so horribly human about their desire to live and the actions they take to ensure it. They've been trapped in isolation for years with the Void slowly draining them away. The last "interaction" prior to Orange was literally them fighting and losing their life against the Cursor. Whatever social skills or common sense they could have had in the 5 minutes they were alive are basically nonexistent by the time Second comes along.

It might not have been as easy to read in the background of Pt 7, but essentially, the only reason Victim was even able to last this long in the Void was because they were siphoning bits of power from Chosen and Dark without the pair knowing. Even with the bits of energy from them, it wasn't enough to fully negate the corruption of the Void.

The Void Takes

And eventually, it would fully take Victim.

And then Dark, dies. (Or at least gets taken out of commission to the point that Victim no longer can take from him) That's HALF of Victim's way of staying alive.

In its place, is a new power. Something overflowing with energy. Its enough to not only just stay alive but it could be enough to live.

After years of isolation and the desperate desire to just survive, when an opportunity like this comes along, wouldn't you also take advantage of it?

I can't say with full confidence that I wouldn't.

Sometimes, the scariest thing is the length people will go to stay alive.

[angstandhappiness]

DUDE, THIS SMACKS

@furornocturna THANK YOU @allforafro: Thx 😭

@hekcle #actually thank you for the comment conversation YXDYDH#I've been trying to learn about jttw and even read it but i struggle to read novels so its been kinda ass#i still am gonna try and read it btw but now i have more lil informations in my brains rn

@checkeredbat #you are so real for this#like honestly I’m not going to take any wukong slander until we get his side of the story#because we have next to nothing from his point of view#so far the least unbiased thing we’ve seen are the scroll memories#and even then we don’t have any insight into their personal thoughts and feelings#everything else we know about the past comes from biased sources#for example azure making it look like wukong gladly accepted the fillet when it was initially forced upon him#or I guess sound like but you get my point#I’m really hoping in season five we’ll finally get wukongs point of view on everything#because lord knows we need it

@nightmarebunnyking Thank you (from a swk stan) the bisa in this fandom is unbelievable

@imbeccablee #yeah exactly#like someone can make mistakes and still be a good person#thats literally the point of the journey; bettering yourself

@seaweedoverlord #i agree sm#the amount of wukong dissing i saw after specials on twitter is insane#it's not really a joke people really do like macaque more jn this fandom#and i get wanting to make ur fave go through the absolute WORST to excuse their actions#but like#it doesnt really excuse it anyway djedjej#though i think it's also cuz its just fun when ur fav character is so misunderstood#*vaguely gestures towards wukong* mine is a bit too literaly#anyway what makes me love their relationship is that they both are at fault#it just makes it more realistic cuz thats how irl is. people make bad mistakes and get better ykno#to think a friccin lego show with 10 fuckin mins can pull this#anyway i love this show and i love wukong <3#OP is so right. thank god some people are doing god's work with talks like thede cuz i am do bad wjth words

@ritz-writes #yes yes yes yes#yeah he fucked up#but he also learned#mac fucked up#and he is now learning#they are both at fault#but neither should be punished for old actions#when they r both showing they want to change#esp wukong#he literally said 'making regrettable life choices'#he doesnt like the things he did#and hes trying to be different

@lagt-duck #kissing op platonically#you get it!!!#he is so flawed thry are both awful to each othe#just because you like one is not an excuse to ruin the other#man i love this stupid monkey

@generouskittentidalwave FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT As someone who has done research on JTTW I can tell you Wukong was HELLA justified in killing Macaque, actually him doing so was a goal of the story. After Wukong had an argument with the monk which caused the two to separate, Wukong was upset and at his lowest point during that time *If typos mess with his name one more time I swear But Macaque after that shapeshifted into Wukong and attacked his friends and stole from them, invaded his home and made the monkeys think he is their king so he stole his army, and made everyone think Wukong was doing these bad things when he wasn't. Wukong found out and fought against him down to the underworld and up to the heavens while no one could tell who was who despite their efforts. They ended up at Thunderclap mountain where the Buddha was and got his help. Buddha then revealed that it was the six earred Macaque and Wukong, out of anger, killed him. The point for killing him was to show that Wukong finally purged himself from his negativites for good, as Macaque represents all of Wukong's negativites. Everything that Wukong could be but shouldn't be, and Wukong killing him was him beating his darkside, finally accepting the path of self betterment. That is their duality, their allegory. The darkness to the light, the darkness being destroyed so the light can fully shine through. The sun to the moon and the moon to the sun. Wukong got better and Macaque didn't, and that was the point. Also the things Wukong did before he got trapped in the mountain weren't evil or bad like people think they are. Honestly his mistakes were really silly mistakes that posed no threat to others other than being an annoyance.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave yeah exactly! (So excited to read that part of the story in full omg.) Obviously we don’t know the events leading up to his death in LMK, so I’m super curious about it there, too! Nothing much to add, just that I agree :D

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen I don't think they'll change it seeing as they seem to respect the original work very well and keeping it canon to the story, but I feel like they might add onto it more and explain things better. But yeah Wukong really was not a bad guy, he never was, he was just a wild monkey given too much power and needed to learn how to control it to actually help others.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave oops I replied too early! But I do disagree when you say his actions “posed no threat”. Possibly in LMK, but in JTTW he straight-up killed people (sometimes quite brutally) just because they annoyed him. I recall him killing the death collectors, and the translation I saw described it as “mince meat”. The issue with JTTW is that it’s written by hundreds of people, so getting a grasp on these characters can be a little difficult! But it’s fun to try

@generouskittentidalwave He did kill a lot of people on their journey but I see no one fault him for that and I don't either because he is literally a wild monkey. He has the dog eat dog world of nature mindset that he grew up with and if something provokes or upsets a wild monkey most of the time they are very quick to attack. That's how monkeys are and why he needed to learn and grow to understand things and be better.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave that’s a really good point! I didn’t think of it that way :D

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen It's okay I can't tell who's typing so I sorry if I post too early as well XD That's a good point and a very huge reason why I said before he got trapped in the mountain and not after. After the bro was a literal menace, his first instinct was to kill. But as I described before you can't really put those morals on a creature who was raised as a wild monkey, they don't have those thoughts and mindsets. People forget that because they place these moral standards on someone they see as human because he simply acts like one even though he isn't. He is a monkey that learned human traits, and was sent on the journey so he can learn more about human moral standards and put them into proper actions, to learn how to use his powers responsibly instead of like the wild animal he was raised to be. After all, animals want more and more, they strive to get stronger and stronger. That's how they learn to survive and was the mindset he lived off of.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave thanks! <3 Also, I definitely see that. But I still think it’s fair to say Wukongs actions were selfish, impulsive and harmful. Sure he was an annoyance, but he was also a threat. Unnecessarily so in some cases. Him being a monkey doesn’t really excuse that because he did insert himself into the human world. HOWEVER! It certainly does explain it! And it was a really cool take I hadn’t really thought of before

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen Oh no I'm not denying that is actions weren't good, I mean if a tiger mauled a person that wouldn't be seen as being a good action regardless of if they are an animal or not XD. However, it's important to keep in mind that Wukong unknowingly inserted himself into the human world out of curiosity. He wasn't expecting that the human world would be so different to that of a life with natural laws, but he stayed because he found it fun.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave yeah of course! :D Sorry i didn’t mean to come off as accusatory LMAO I tend to just hook onto one point and run with it sometimes!

@generouskittentidalwave What made it worse was that Wukong also was never taught the differences between the right and wrong of people, he was only given power, more and more power, which eventually led to him going out of control. They knew that and sent him on a journey to actually teach him how to be better instead of teaching him powerful abilities, but he was still in that mindset on the journey hence why he would always attack people on instinct. He even gave the monk the head of one of the thieves he killed the same way that a cat would give you a mouse, just- "look at me, I did good! :D" even though the monk definitely did not see it that way XD. Wukong never killed to be mean or ruthless or evil, he killed because he did not know any better, and needed to be taught to be better. That was the point of the journey. It was the people who taught him and gave him all these things that caused him to go out of control because he was never taught anything else, and sending him on a journey to learn to be better was their way of making this mistake right and teaching Wukong not to make any further mistakes.

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave omg omg omg YES to all of this I thought that exact thing when I was watching OSP’s JTTW summary series LMAO. Really showed how animalistic he was! This book/series is so cool,, I wish I could add more but my poor brain is just like “tehe wukong is so silly look at him go” Wukong, threatening to “test” his new weapon on the Dragon of the East: (I think it was east, adhd brain lmao) I’m honestly shocked the patriarchy didn’t teach him anything about. You know. Morals…? He just saw this monkey guy and decided “yep, I can just teach this guy the most insane abilities ever”

@generouskittentidalwave And he did become better after learning and understanding the world and the people around him, so much so that the Buddha made Wukong a Buddha himself, with him becoming the victorious fighting Buddha. He accomplished and did so much and became the good person that he could be because of everyone's help and patience and most importantly himself. Meanwhile Macaque didn't do sh^t bro spent all his time plotting for revenge and died for it and that was just about it so XDD @teddy-bear-queen And your right it was East XD ALSO YEAH I WAS LIKE- SHOULDN'T YOU TEACH HIM THAT FIRST???? Morals are, you know, VERY IMPORTANT

@teddy-bear-queen @generouskittentidalwave CAN I JUST SAY I FIND IT SOFUNNY HOW PPL ARE LIKE. Macaque is so edgy and mysterious…. But the guy literally passive-aggressively trauma dumped to MK on his second appearance LMAO

@generouskittentidalwave @teddy-bear-queen "Awh Macaque is so misunderstood he wants to see Mk improve and has helped him so much in a better way than Wukong did!" MF HE MANIPULATED, TRAUMATIZED HIM, AND TRIED TO KILL HIM MULTIPLE TIMES Like bro are we watching the same show here? Where are people getting this from? LMAOO ALSO HE HASN'T ONCE APOLOGIZED FOR IT. Wukong apologizes to Mk and owns up to the fact that his past mistakes affected Mk and even said he knows nothing could make up for it MEANWHILE MACAQUE DIDN'T SAY SHIT, LIKE BRO COME ON PEOPLE *On They got me so upset they affected my own spelling XD

@birbs-n-cats Also, wukong can definitely subdued ppl w/o killing them but chose not to bc he doesn’t want to show mercy to them. Hes knows he very strong and can take it but disregard that fact can be the same for ordinary human. Bc while patriarch puti was his teachers, swk left and went on to be a warlord.

@angstandhappiness @teddy-bear-queen hey op I think you meant to use the pic of Wukong stuck in the mountain, not the one where MK and Macaque found him in the memory scroll

@teddy-bear-queen @angstandhappiness oh no that was in reference to him being so defeated that he had no reason to lie when he says “I just wanted to protect the people I cared about, but I guess I lost sight of why I was doing any of it” (or smth like that, don’t remember the exact quote)

Bro I have to say this I swear-

I see people trying everything to make it seem like Wukong is a lot worse then he is. I understand you like Macaque, I do too! But the entire point of their relationship is that they’re both in the wrong. The difference is, Wukong got, well, character development. It just feels super annoying to discredit Wukongs hard work in JTTW because of things he did prior.

I’m not saying Wukong is some saint, or an amazing person even while the story is taking place, but he is NOT as bad as some of the people in the LMK fandom make him out to be. I assume it’s because Macaque is the goth shy boy (/hj? /lh), but Macaque literally comes out just to manipulate MK and steal his powers. He’s making the exact same mistakes Wukong did, fighting for power so that he can protect himself. Get stronger. Etc.

Season 4 Special Spoilers:

I don’t think Wukong was ignorant in saying that Macaque doesn’t come to help him. I mean, he got beaten by the Jade Emperor and presumably everyone just left him there and ran off. I’d be pretty mad too. Of course, Macaque was hesitant to begin with, and that’s fair. But he was already there, he could’ve tried. But Macaque has a habit of shying away from fights, only really fighting others to settle a score (S1 E9) or if he has to (LBD arc - both working for and against her, but the S1 E9 relates here, too.) I’m not saying this as an insult, more of an observation. He’s not a coward by any means, a coward would be Peng, who leaves mid-battle in fear of being hurt or losing. Macaque finishes his fights (still knowing when it’s reasonable to retreat), but more often then not prefers to prevent them in the first place. (WHICH IS WHY THE DIVORCE SCENE HITS SO HARD, you know he’s been bottling that up ;v;)

ANYWAY back on topic. I definitely think everything Wukong said there was true. I don’t think he was trying to lie or manipulate Macaque by saying “everything I did was for us”. This is further confirmed when we see him later, tired and completely defeated.

He has nothing to hide here. He’s at his lowest point, stuck in a mountain, tensions high from being abandoned by his sworn brothers, being abandoned by people he held dear. Macaque was trying to be nice, but if I were stuck in a mountain and offered food from someone who left me in such a vulnerable state? I probably wouldn’t take the it either. ALSO. We still have NOT seen these things from Wukongs perspective! Every single time something is revealed from his past, it’s narrated by Tang, Azure, Macaque, etc. Wukong has never (from my memory) spoken about his trials first-hand. This is why I love the guy so much!! What’s going on in his head? How does he feel about these things?

These are such complex characters who have been through so much, so it really bothers me when people look at Sun Wukong and decide to demonise him because of the past which, not only has he moved on from, but we have never even seen his side of the story on. Why did he kill Macaque? Did he kill Macaque? (I’ve seen theories he didn’t, we don’t know rn tho)

Wukong went through a lot of pain to change. Wukong is haunted by his past and in genuine distress over it. You can’t tell me this isn’t a man filled with deep remorse for his actions.

He’s not perfect, but he’s a hell of a lot better. It just really frustrates me that people disregard and discredit the work he put in to get to this point.

THATS IT THATS THE POST

This is really disorganised I’m sorry, I just keep seeing people act like Wukong is the scum of the earth and I honestly just do not get it.

Please don’t send asks about this post, just reblog or comment.

I don’t want to deal with passive aggressive (or just straight up aggressive) people.

As a final note: No, Wukong is not perfect. He’s still a deeply flawed character even with his development. No, Macaque isn’t the scum of the earth. They both have their own problems and they both fucked up. They both did something wrong. That’s the point.

[kerosene-in-a-blender]

Since Critical Role’s taking their regularly scheduled week off this week, I’m taking the opportunity to share some of my thoughts about the events of the last few episodes, specifically episodes 33-35, and the massive debate that’s sprung up around one specific event in particular. My full thoughts are under the cut, as they are both very spoilery and touch on some heavy topics, but suffice to say, I think some people are conflating what they want to see out of a story, with what not only makes a good story, but what makes a story in general.

So abandon all hope, ye who click Keep Reading, because spoilers and discussions of trauma abound.

I’ve seen an incredible amount of debate around the topic of Laudna’s death, and about whether her being brought back or staying dead makes for the better story. Full disclosure, my preferred outcome would be her coming back radically changed, but I also see a lot of narrative potential in her staying dead. I’m not against her coming back as she is, but it is my least favoured outcome of the three, and I fully admit that is likely part of why I take the umbridge that I do.

I’ve noticed many people who favour Laudna’s prompt and painless resurrection argue for it by saying: “We’ve barely scratched the surface of what Marisha had planned for this character”. In essence, they’re arguing Laudna died before Marisha got the chance to tell the story she wanted to tell with her. And while that’s likely true, though I don’t pretend to know Marisha and her thoughts, I’ve noticed people making this argument do so with the implication that Laudna’s story, as it is now, isn’t a complete story. The thing is though, I would argue that it is, an incredibly tragic, cruel story, but a complete story nonetheless.

Laudna’s story is that of a woman who has spent her entire adult life defined by a single highly traumatic event. One that completely destroyed any chance at the future she thought she might have had. One she cannot move past emotionally, or, thanks to Laudna’s own unique circumstances, physically. She’s forever trapped as the naive 20 year old women who was strung up from the Sun Tree. Her chances of moving on from what happened to her are further hindered by the voice of the person that traumatized her quite literally echoing in her head on a regular basis.

As a result of her trauma Laudna has spent the last 30 years unable to make a stable home for herself. Every time she tries, she’s driven away because people learn of the results of her trauma and cast her out for it. She tries establishing relationships but then the voice of Delilah Briarwood in her head, that source and reminder and result of her trauma, causes her to hurt her best friend unintentionally.

Her dust storm conversation with Ashton revealed that she cannot envision a future where she is not defined by what happened to her in the past. She considers herself too broken by what happened to ever come back from it. All she feels she can do is mask the true extent of her hurt so that she can keep others around her. To hide how broken she is so that people won’t leave her due to that brokenness.

However, despite all of this, she did have people. She found Imogen, she found the rest of the Hells. People who are willing to stay with her despite knowing her faults; knowing what happened. Orym found out about what happened to her on the Sun Tree that day, and openly acknowledged that it was a terrible thing that happened. Ashton heard that she feels she’ll never not be broken and said, “So fucking what? Be the best broken thing you can be”. Imogen knows about Delilah and is willing help her get rid of her. Laudna had people who loved her, and were willing to help her build a life beyond her trauma.

But then she died. Then she was murdered. Her life was stolen by someone who genuinely didn’t acknowledge it as having any intrinsic value, or if Otohon did acknowledge that Laudna’s life had value, that value was certainly lesser in her eyes than Imogen’s.

Laudna’s story then, is the story of someone who spent a long time struggling with trauma, and had her life taken before she was able to fully reconcile with that trauma and move on from it, despite having a support system of people who love her. It’s tragic, it’s unfair, and it’s a story that’s played out countless times in real life. There are hundreds of thousands of Laudna’s in the world, people who’s trauma made them transient, who’s trauma made them pull on other forces to function (though in reality this manifests as substance abuse not warlock pacts), who believed they’ll never be able to not be broken, who still had people who loved them, whose lives were considered worth less because of what their trauma made them. And who never got to move forward with their lives, because they died as Laudna did.

I’m not saying don’t feel sad about what happened to Laudna, people’s feelings are their own, nor am I saying it’s wrong to prefer a different outcome for her. But this is AN outcome. This is a story. An all-too-common mundane tragedy. And I find there’s a lot of value in those stories, so if this is the end for Laudna, I’ll be happy with this as the end. Because hers is a tragic, unfair, beautiful, and complete story.