#was 'ugh i hate that gothic stuff'
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starrypawz · 8 months ago
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So here's a tip if someone shows you their art and an achievement related to said art and it's not a type of art you personally enjoy you DON'T INSULT THE ART
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ophelialoveshandsomemen · 9 months ago
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Say what you will about Van Helsing 2004; hate it, love it, be indifferent, But the All-Hallow's masquerade ball went sooooo hard and it had zero right to do so! It's a fun, campy, monster mash movie with wonderfully dated ( and expensive) cgi and non-stop action meant to be a popcorn flick one takes out to watch around spooky season. And it has this* chef's kiss* GORGEOUS 6 minute sequence plopped arbitrarily in the second act, which unexpectedly surpasses nearly every other ball in the last 30+ years of film( notable exception being the Cinderella 2015 ball) for literally no reason other than to be dramatic af.
Like feast your eyes on this Gothic masterpiece!!! Who doesn't want to immediately live in this picture?!??
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They used those candles with oil in them so that they would have real candles, real string orchestra( I believe), probably around 100 real life extras( something which is tragically absent in modern film), said extras are all in beautiful fully decked-out costumes( which are in luxuriously dark colours, but nearly no fully black, another thing you cannot say for much modern cinema), REAL CIRQUE DU SOLEIL PERFORMERS for all the acrobatics!!!! Hell, instead of filming in a sound stage, where they could control the reverb and the acoustics and the size of the set and the bloody lighting ( they apparently had a heck of a time emulating the firelight for this sequence) and the temperature( it's very cold in stone churches!) better, they filmed in a Baroque church in Prague! As I said, peak dramatic splendour, jfc...
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Think about that a second...They filmed a vampire masquerade in a Baroque Catholic Church( St. Nicholas' in Lesser Town, if you were curious) with amazing over-the-top acoustics and marble statues and real, tiled floors and marble pillars and a choir loft which they very much utilized, covered the pipe organ and the altar with a grand brocade curtain so it wouldn't be so obviously a, you know, a church! And there's a gold gilt elevated and canopied pulpit into which they put two vampire kiddies for, again, the sake of being dramatic.
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And the costumes! They remind me of the 25th anniversary Phantom of the Opera Masquerade costumes. Same quality, like they're old, well-cared-for costumes pulled out of a warehouse, instead of fast industry churn-outs. With lots of trim and colour and masks and lace and feathers and..just...ugh.. they are all perfect! Just look at all the head pieces on the ladies and the hats on all the gentleman ( save Dracula of course) and the powdered wigs on the musicians. ANNNNDD! The dresses are historically correct!!!!!! It's the 80's bustle era! Nobody does the 80's bustle era in film anymore and it's a bummer. Oh and one other thing! Anna's ( and other women's) hair, at least here in the ball, is also historically accurate because it's all pinned up! None of those fucken modern beachwaves at a ball! Everybody's got updo's!
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Gah, I swear, Dracula in his gold cloak really does things to me in this scene!
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By the way, the acrobatics are bonkers in here for just background stuff!! Especially the random guys on unicycles and the dude playing the violin whilst standing on a ball...Like....WHAT?
Anyways, all this to say, that this masquerade ball feels sooo real and tangible and because of that it blows every other film out of the water, and no, I will not change my mind!!!!!
Here's a few more gifs, bcuz, why the hell not, this scene is sexy as fuu*ck?
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Alright I need to go to bed now.
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poe-the-crow · 28 days ago
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"Ugh. I am outta of here."
[Welcome, mod Sino here! I loved Poe the minute I saw them, so here we are! Very excited to get this all rolling, I have always wanted to do one of these!
Let me just get this outta the way first and foremost: Poe's (and my) pronouns are they/them as confirmed by MOB. I will not take any purposeful misgendering of either Poe or myself, and I will block you if you keep doing so. Sorry, that's just how it goes. I am happy to correct any accidental stuff as well, as we all start somewhere. But be warned.
This will mainly be focused on my personal headcanons that I will flesh out after I get this blog up and running as well as mob given info. Until then, ask Poe some stuff! They will be your stereotypical sarcastic, grouchy dramatic teenager, the most cynical of the cynical.
Poe will talk in purple text like this, and mod talk will be in these lovely brackets. Poe is a minor, mod is an adult so no funny business.
Thanks a bunch and let the Poe cult grow.]
Headcanons:
Poe is an aspiring poet, often using difficult words and dropping in references. As such, not afraid to speak their mind on topics such as the bleakness of reality.
Poe has an emo music playlist and often can be seen carrying a Walkerman
Poe can fly and always break it down on the dance floor. What else do you think they do in the dark all the time?
Poe likes watching old cartoons, they miss the good old days.
Contrary to popular belief, Poe is not a complete shut-in. They will leave in the house in the middle of the day when dragged along by friends. If this is the case, they wear a Gothic veil and carry a large black umbrella to protect from the rays... everything fades to black, just how they like it.
______________________________________________
"Great. People..."
[It will be fine, Poe! Lighten up.]
Rules: No NSFW, no harassment, no sending hate towards me or anyone period.
Oh, and follow all of these other smiling/nightmare critter rp peeps. They are infinitely cooler than me, and deserve a follow!
Dogday - @that-sunny-pup & @dogday-shines-bright
Kickin' - @the-cool-chicken
Bubba - @bubbathe-bubbaphant
Hoppy - @hoppyhopscotch1
Bobby - @lil-miss-bearhug
Picky: @picky-and-corrupted-picky
Catnap - @acat-foryournap & @catnaplovesnaptime
Baba - @baba-chops-emo-sheep
Simon - @simon-the-dragon
Allister - @allister-the-procrastigator
Maggie: @chocosharksnack
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theteasetwrites · 1 year ago
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The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon | S1E1 Thoughts
Okay I am gonna list all my positive and negative thoughts regarding each episode (I know no one asked but I feel like this is the only thing I am somewhat “qualified” to talk about ad nauseam on here).
⚠️ SPOILERS AHEAD ⚠️ do not read below the cut unless you’re okay with spoilers
Positive Thoughts
Norman’s acting is so good like?? Listen we all know he’s not Laurence Olivier and he doesn’t claim to be but goddamnit he nails the subtleties of Daryl’s expressions and conveys his emotions really well I think! I’m very impressed
Daryl hot
Obviously the cinematography, setting, and aesthetics are really cool. It’s both gritty but pretty!! I love the gothic architecture and how OLD everything looks, which is only exacerbated by the apocalyptic feel
Everyone in the cast is so good in terms of acting (well, I mean… Laurent is certainly there but he’s a child so we’ll be lenient)
Daryl hot
The walkers are great as usual. I love the burners. Really interesting! I’m kind of wondering if the “experiments” the people on the ship refer to relate to the burners? Maybe they’re making them like that idk.
I love the religious imagery. We have had cults and stuff in TWDU before but I don’t think we’ve had this Catholic vibe going on. I’m a sucker for anything nun related because I have a weird infatuation with them, so I’m all for it.
DARYL BATHTUB SCENE??? They put that in for the girls and the gays and we are LIVING for it
Daryl hot
Daryl is so reminiscent of early seasons TWD era with his witty lines and snark remarks. I feel like we don’t get to see this side of Daryl very often anymore, but now that he has his own show and is THE main character, we get to see those sides that have been neglected again. I also love how much he sort of scoffs at the nuns and their religion. Atheist Daryl we love to see it
It’s cool seeing people in France dealing with the same things our characters have dealt with since the beginning. It’s interesting to see these new parts of the world in this universe for sure
Daryl hot
I honestly just love thinking about how when Daryl gets home he is gonna have such a crazy ass story to tell everyone! It’s gonna be so cute to see him telling all the kids about how heroic he is and ugh yessss
Daryl deserves his own show. He deserves to be THE main character. People who said he can’t lead a show? Nah. Reconsider
I also love that Daryl MIGHT potentially save the world. Cool asf. And if anyone from the original series should save the world, I think it’s him.
Daryl hot
Negative Thoughts:
Okay. I have some very petty/subjective critiques. I realize a lot of you guys probably disagree with me but that’s okay! Don’t read my negative thoughts if you aren’t prepared to be annoyed with me lol. Once again, a lot of these are super petty/nitpicky
First thing that bothers me is that Daryl says he is from the Commonwealth. No. He is from Alexandria, thank you very much. Well, at least he should be. He should’ve been living at Alexandria imo but the finale didn’t really make it explicitly clear where he was living in that year time jump. Basically I just hate the Commonwealth because I have zero attachment to it and it’s just a stupid ass place that I wanna forget about
Daryl seeing Carol in his haze 🙄 … just annoys me solely because Carol annoys me. They could’ve just shown Judith because that would’ve made more sense to me. But don’t get me started, I don’t even want Carol in season 2. Anyway.
Laurent isn’t terrible but he’s kind of annoying in that “I’m so smart I know everything” way. Just very annoying smart kid at school who everyone hated vibes. Plus I just don’t think it’s realistic that he would be THAT smart just from being raised in a convent of nuns
I also fail to understand what they’re doing with Laurent. Is he just some kid that the nuns think is the messiah or is he ACTUALLY the messiah? Like are they gonna throw in a whole other supernatural religious element? Because Laurent conveniently knows Judith’s line from the finale “you deserve a happy ending too.” Right down to the letter. I find it cheesy as hell because I’m so tired of these blatant in your face parallels that are trying to be clever, which always involve children too like we get it children are basically the duck tape of TWDU. Don’t know what to do for this plot? Throw some kids in there!
Neither Positive nor Negative Thoughts:
I don’t trust the nuns. I think they’re gonna use Daryl to get what they want and they don’t really care about getting him home. Worse, I think it could be possible that Isabelle won’t let him get home. She already tried to keep him from using the radio. I’m not saying I hate her character or anything (I actually like her so far… as long as she stays friendly and not… overly friendly), I just think she’s way too invested in this “messiah” stuff to actually care about Daryl so I fear she will take advantage of him. We shall see.
Ok, those are pretty much all of my thoughts!
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deathnguts · 3 months ago
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I agree with you but I also see Tiffany and Chucky as Bartylue variants. Who do you see in the scary movie franchise as Bartylus, besides Billy and Stu!
I’m gonna be so real and honest with you, the Tiffany and Chucky post was originally Bartylus but then I was like ‘no, no one’s gonna see it and they’re all gonna say rosekiller 😔’ so you definitely get it like no else anon
As for other other couple besides Billy and Stu (because I will fight until I die that that’s Bartylus and not just rosekiller, Barty is too Stu coded for it not to be), I don’t really watch anything but horror movies so I could definitely name a few! (Though I watch a lot of cheesy slashers that don’t really have a lot of characters so this is really just a fight to remember anything I’ve seen that has romance in it lmao)
Number one, and kind of not related to brief but still important to me, I can definitely see Barty as Harry Warden from My Bloody Valentine (the og or the remake honestly, the only time both were good) ((also an underrated fave of mine <3)) With how (spoilers) the killer actually isn’t Harry and is just one of the mc’s who got like a Harry Warden DID alter and started killing people and then forgot he did and was just as panicked as everyone else is very him post imperio to me. ‘Harry’ doesn’t really have a love interest in the movie, but the mc pretending to be him is in a love triangle with the final girl and another guy so you could view that as like the Bartylus vs Jegulus thing everyone enjoys so much (but Bartylus sadly loses at the end if you view it that way because they do not kiss 😔😔)
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And for an actual couple I have to bring up the older couple from Dolls as an even more niche pick. That movie’s about a little girl and her family who hates her and a few other people staying at an old couple’s house for the night because of a storm and their house is filled with hundreds of dolls that are (surprise) alive and start killing people but they spare the little girl and this other guy that was helping her because of like the power of your inner child or whatever and the older couple are pretty much all the dolls’ parents and the movie ends with the little girl genuinely loving the dolls and the couple a lot and wanting to see them again soon and the couple smiles at her and tells her she’s always welcome and like fucking tell me that isn’t Bartylus when they’re older cmon now!!
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Ugh and then I couldn’t just not mention Eyes Without A Face, because oml Christianne is beyond regulus coded. Her father is a surgeon who gets her into a car accident that ruins her face so he kidnaps girls to surgically remove their faces and try to give her a new one but he had to frame her death for it so they could get away with the murders and stuff, but she has no hope at all that the surgeries will work and says multiple times she’s terrified of herself and just wants to die. Also she has a fiancé that thinks she’s dead that she calls to just hear his voice because if she spoke over the line he’d know she was alive, so she literally just stays silent on the line until he hangs up. Until one day she whispers his name literally once and he recognizes her immediately and goes to the police proclaiming she’s alive and TELL ME THATS NOT THEM BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOURE LYING.
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And this one’s not a movie but the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Gothic Horror Musical is one of my favorite musicals ever and I would be willing ti argue that Barty could be seen as both Jekyll (brilliant scientist that’s seen as a delusional, sinful visionary) and Hyde (genuinely off putting and creepy man who lives for only what he desires and doesn’t know shame but does know vindication) AND I could further argue that Regulus could be seen as both Emma (Jekyll’s fiancé who’s father is the judge that ruled his research inhumane and didn’t allow him a human test subject for it, which she she feels awful about since she knows how much it matter to her soon to be husband, also there’s a whole song about the town’s opinion on their marriage and pretty much everyone agrees that Emma marrying a doctor like Jekyll rather than an heir is naive and shameful on her part, probably how the pureblood society would view Bartylus tbh) and Lucy (the hooker that Hyde is attracted to and seeks out almost immediately upon gaining control of the body he shares with Hyde, she has a whole song about how she views men as a past time and pretty much a snack to hold her over in life and that feels akin to how regulus views people to me) so I think it’s perfect because like two halves that aren’t supposed to match, yet both halves love each other?? Just say you’re meant to be and just say you’re Bartylus at that point.
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And while we’re on the subject of horror but not movies because I got off track, let’s stay off track and let me bring up Victor Frankenstein and Robert Walton. I’m convinced they’re the og toxic yaoi. And they’re Bartylus because: do I have to explain how regulus is Frankenstein? (They’re frail Victorian boys with practically delusional ideals for the work that they’ve admired their whole lives and then threw themselves into only ti discover they were misinformed and then send themselves into their own demise trying to prove their original ideals through an impossible mission, also they’re dramatically tortured poets who are gay as hell) and then Barty as Walton, I will defend to you now. Walton is a an explorer, he’s a free spirit who wants to find something new and above that he just wants to be out there searching. He’s implied to be wealthy yet doesn’t have a family besides his sister which is strange for the time, meaning he actively chose a different life style that most higher class people look down upon. Tell me that’s not Barty in that setting. And then you bring in when Walton meets Frankenstein and he practically falls in love at first sight? He’s tending to this complete stranger just to hear him speak, then gushes to his sister about how he’s tragically beautiful and he speaks so eloquently and he wishes he could just soothe all his problems and take that suffering from him but in the end there’s nothing he can do and Frankenstein dies cold no matter how hard Walton tried to warm him (just like canon compliant Bartylus with their school years and then regulus dying at seventeen)
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And speaking of Barty paralleling sailors, let’s talk Sweeney Todd. Saying Mrs. Lovette and Todd are Bartylus is wrong because Todd doesn’t loved her back and unrequited bartylus is tired. Yknow what isn’t tired? Fairytale, angst with a happy ending, sweet, non toxic Bartylus! And yknow which couple has that? Joanna and Anthony! Joanna as regulus (the locked away beauty with a ghostly aura of tragedy practically bred into their flesh) and Anthony as Barty (another sailor who takes one look at their soulmate and their breath is taken away, only Anthony succeeds in saving Joanna and they make it out alive this time.)
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And I can only fit one more picture so let’s come out of left field and throw in a horror game. Resident Evil: Village, you love to see it in the year 2024. Karl Heisenberg and Donna Beneviento are my favorite characters from the game because Donna’s mechanics are the best and Karl’s voice actor is awesome but here’s why they’re Bartylus (also I should mention that I don’t subscribe to idea that they’re siblings obviously, they were just kidnapped by the same cult which is not the same thing like some people seem to think??) so Regulus is Donna because come on, creepy doll maker in the hills/woods that wears all black and shrouds their face behind a veil and has extreme,h concerning experimental horrors in the basement of their creepy cottage? That’s literally him, what are you talking about. And then Karl as Barty makes sense to me because they’re both vulgar and brash, but incredibly intelligent and forward thinking in their schemes and also a core part of both their characters is disobeying their father/‘mother.’ And as for why they’re Bartylus since they don’t even talk in canon, I ship Donna and Karl anyway and their fics on ao3 read very bartylus to me.
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And yeah that’s it because I’m out of photos. Thank you so much for this ask, it was really thoughtful and cool to explore! I hope your satisfied with the outcome of your question lol
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definitely-not-lying · 30 days ago
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Opinions on everyone from the 78th class? :3
Mukuro Ikusaba:
I don’t really have an opinion on her... Never understood her actions, y'know? But I love her Ultimate! Being the Ultimate Soldier sounds so cool—just imagine what I could do with someone like that in my plans! Nishishi~
Sayaka Maizono:
She’s always so cheerful and supportive! Ugh, it’s almost too much! But her music? Totally awesome. Perfect for plotting my evil schemes! I went to one of her concerts once, and it was amazing! Can’t believe I actually liked it. :)
Leon Kuwata:
He’s pretty amusing! So impulsive and carefree—like, does he even think before he acts? I doubt it. I wonder if he’ll ever actually become the Ultimate Musician he dreams of... but hey, a guy can dream, right?
Chihiro Fujisaki:
She’s too pure to dislike! Honestly, she’s like a little cinnamon roll. And her programming skills? Way better than I expected. She’s so sweet, I bet she doesn’t have a single enemy! How boring~
Mondo Owada:
I gotta admit, he’s cool. Good leader and all, but not as cool as me! He’s got skills on that motorbike, and I can respect that confidence. But he’s a little too... predictable for my taste!
Kiyotaka Ishimaru:
I don’t hate him, but he’s sooooo boring. Like, come on, live a little! Doesn’t he know how fun it is to break the rules every now and then? But he seems like a good guy, I guess. If you like the boring types, anyway.
Hifumi Yamada:
No. Just no. He’s a creepy weirdo to me! I don’t even wanna imagine the kind of fan fiction he writes... Gross. And honestly, maybe he should think about eating a little less. Just saying!
Celestia Ludenberg:
Now she’s interesting! Manipulative, deceptive, totally my kinda person! She’s kinda like me but with a gothic twist. I mean, her whole vibe is cool, but I think I’m still a little more... entertaining. :>
Sakura Ogami:
Eh, I don’t really have much to say about her... She’s kinda boring, but at least she’s got that whole loyalty and justice thing going on. I guess I respect that, in a way.
Kyoko Kirigiri:
The detective, huh? She’s always on my case! So annoying! She’s smart, sure, but she could chill out a bit. I mean, what’s wrong with a little harmless crime? Nishishi~ :3
Makoto Naegi:
I don’t get how he’s so optimistic all the time! It’s almost gross, like, how can anyone be that nice? But I gotta admit, he’s kinda like a sunshine cinnamon roll, all soft and kind. Bleh, too likable!
Junko Enoshima:
Now she knows how to stir up some chaos! But she’s a little too obsessed with despair for my taste... Like, come on, there’s more to life than just despair! But her Ultimate definitely fits her!
Aoi Asahina:
The swimmer girl, right? She’s super talented! And I really wanna know how she eats so many doughnuts and stays so fast. I could use that secret! :D
Byakuya Togami:
The Ultimate Affluent Prodigy? More like the Ultimate Bigmouth! He’s so full of himself, it’s almost impressive. But I gotta give it to him—confidence is important. I mean, just look at me!
Toko Fukawa:
I’m kinda neutral on her. She writes some pretty good stuff, but she’s way too shy! She should really talk to people more... She’s probably super lonely. Kinda feel bad for her, but not really. Heh.
Genocide Jack:
Her over-the-top personality is hilarious! She loves chaos and violence—what’s not to like? She’s a murderer, sure, but I don’t take her as a real threat. Unless she decides to come after me... then we’ll talk. :|
Yasuhiro Hagakure:
He’s so simple-minded, it’s almost sad. And what’s with that whole 30% prediction accuracy thing? That’s basically just guessing! I could probably do better flipping a coin! :^
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pinkacademic · 1 year ago
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Actually Studying Literature
The bit we’d all rather avoid… or maybe that’s a me thing. But here’re the methods I suggest for actually learning about literature! As you guys know, you need to break things down in the way that works best for you, study in whatever way makes the information stay in your own brain. Here’s just a few ways that you can improve your understanding of literature specifically.
Using Other Forms of Media to Learn the Story. Audiobooks are your friend, podcasts are your friend, and any film or TV adaptation can be useful if you’re struggling with the book, but make sure to check reviews and make sure the majority agree that it is faitful, and/or learn any flaws that there are or changes.
Discuss. Oh, my GOD, discuss. A freind of mine could not figure out a particular detail of Dracula, not from reading it, not from the lecturer, not until I explained “mate, you know it’s Mina’s notes, right?” And then they loved it. I’m not going to explain in detail, but the point is, ask more than just your teacher/tutor/whatever if you have any questions.
Practise Tests. But not in the way you think. Yes, you should do normal practise essays and practise exams, but I also reccomend doing a chaotic version that helps you just get your main points into your brain, then it’ll be easier to do the practise tests.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Is Jonathan Harker a Sexist by pinkacademic
Intro: fuckin. this bitch does not drink respect women juice. man fuckin… my wife in the kitchen, my wife is weak, all day, every day, then he sexualises dracula’s girlfriends in the middle too?? bitch?
point one: fuckin… idk, this man thinks women can only do care stuff eg women in the kitchen, the nuns who look after him, mina caring for him
context interlude: the victorians hated women!
point two: women are for sexy- the brides- but also sexy is bad and for whores and my wife is good bc she’s not a whore
counter point: jonny does in fact love mina a whole lot and trusts her!
point three: look at mina being so susceptable to dracula, jonny thinks she’s so weak, ugh women are so weak.
context interlude: gothic novels think women can’t walk without fainting!
conclusion: therefore jonathan harker hates women, actually
This is stupid, but I know what all my basic points are! And I can learn this along with my actual facts and figures, instead of trying to store an entire essay in my brain! Now, of course, you will need to learn the facts and figures, such as key dates and what have you, BUT, the combination of the basic structure plus a handful of facts will give you a basis to work from without trying to store everything.
Ok, let me know if you want anything else! It occurs to me that I don’t have literary methods anywhere- so bonus post on literature on its way!
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vanhelsingapologist · 1 year ago
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I am more than a little obsessed with how you draw Victor Vallakovich, I cannot lie, and also pardon finding your blog and then spamming notifications a lil bit, but dang I love your art and the designs for CoS characters you’ve done are just *chef kiss.*
Our DM did Victor from a completely different angle (like very different) from RAW, so I’m always curious about the Victors done a little closer to original, and the design you gave him, oh wow, I love him, I lowkey wanna adopt him a little bit not going to lie. But yeah I just needed to state as such and ramble! How’s his tenure as burgomeister (apparently?) going? 👀
This is so kind! Thank you! Spam all you like, it has no negative effect on me. Also, I love talking character analysis from our games, so if you wanted, I’d be more than happy to provide you with how we interpreted him, if you’re cool reading it!
Spoilers, as always, for our campaign.
Design
My DM has our Victor in his early 20’s. They wanted to play Victor as someone who was a victim of his dad’s abuse, and they thought that the trope of shutting one’s child away in their home for ‘protection’ would hit our party harder if he was a young adult. It became more controlling. So when designing him, it was important that he maintained a gaunt, haunted look. Almost Tim Burton-y. I combined Victorian, Traditional Slavic, and modern gothic influences to really hit Victor’s style. If you like the chains on his belt but want a younger look at him, @tantaliax has an INCREDIBLE design that utilizes a lot of these influences too.
As for the hair, our Vallakoviches canonically have vitiligo, passed down through Vargas. If I ever drew Victor from the back, his neck would have some. I think he also has some local vitiligo on his chest. I wanted Victor to have a couple streaks to set him apart from Vargas, but not too much
As for his tenure as Burgomaster…
Now that Vargas is good and dead, Victor’s a bit distracted by the power, enforcing odd laws and taking long, brooding walks in the dark that are probably illegal to interrupt him on, but he really has no idea what he’s doing. He sees it as a temporary distraction before he fucks off and leaves Barovia forever.
He likes to do the fun stuff. The being mean, the soirées, the gothifying his ancestral home, the BANNING OF THE FESTIVALS. But he hates the administration, which is funny because he’s actually pretty good at it. And he won’t give speeches. No speeches.
He repurposed the reformation center into a school and when people were like “weren’t people tortured there?” Victor was like “UGH I would’ve loved to learn in a place where people were tortured.” No one really knows what to do with that, but Victor spearheading the Barovian public education platform was whiplash inducing.
For the most part? He lets Emilia do most of it. She’s like, his shadow government while he acts as the face. He happily miserably sits in his attic and experiments or paints when we aren’t plucking him up and companion-izing him.
The main problem? Lady Wachter. He has her under house arrest for riot reasons, but “his” hesitance to decisively end anything has let her cult run amok. People in Vallaki are starting to say he’s too young, weak, and scared to do anything, which is once again garnering support to her.
I think Strahd’s also going to start tempting him with more power or the ability to leave to get him off the party’s side. Vallaki is super Pro-Party right now, and if Wachter’s second bid falls flat, I think Strahd will get that foothold in.
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cheolhub · 1 year ago
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SAR HI! so i finally managed to finish mexican gothic and dang that was one hella weird book 😭 like ???
im gonna rate this 2.5/3 out of 5 because it just wasn't my cup of tea. it was really slow and like took ages to get the the point and actual plot. i felt they were repeating alot and it just got dragged alot which i hate, i dislike slow paced stuff ugh. and it doesn't pick up until the middle which is kinda annoying bc i was just reading and reading having no idea what's going on or what's supposed to be happening lol. i didnt like most of the characters either and i just skim read the half the book i could not take it anymore 😭 but like when everything was finally revealed like wth it was weird and idk what i expected honestly 😭😭 but yeah i didn't enjoy mexcian gothic so much.
JAJD IM SORRY I WENT ON A WHOLE REVIEW AND RANT ABT IT 😭 anyway i need a cute read after this now
how's the twisted series read going?
DONT APOLOGIZE, I ENCOURAGE UR RANTS. BUT that’s so disappointing 🙁 i hate that sm, im sorry u didn’t like it!! i hate the slow books :/ (unless it’s slowburn romance 🤭) thats kinda how i felt with this book i read called milk fed?? it was just droning on and on and i just wanted it to end,,, and i was so excited to read it bc the topics in the book seemed like important ones to explore but the main character was annoying, the plot build up was annoying, the entire thing was just… so bad.
IF U NEED A CUTE READ, read forget me not by julie soto 🥰(sunshine wedding planner x grumpy florist + enemies to lovers + second chance) i recommend this book to everybody bc it’s my fav romance ive read this year,,, or maybe try love and other words by christina lauren since fall time is coming up (childhood friends to lovers + second chance….fair warning, this one made me cry) BUT OBVIOUSLY U DONT HAVE TO READ THESE, im just throwing out suggestions 🫣
AND ok, i’m about to go on a rant so im so sorry for how long this is about to be.
so like,,, tell me why i finished both the first and second book… i think i already told u abt the first book?? about how i gave it 2.7 stars bc i fucking hated the plot and the third act and the ending … but skye…. THE SECOND ONE… OH MY FUCKING GOD. I KNOW IT’S CRINGE AND PREDICTABLE AND NOT REALLY THAT GOOD, but this book had me kicking my feet and giggling over EVERYTHING… the slow burn… was so good… OMFG i literally hate that i loved it sm like cant keep succumbing to booktok. but yeah, ngl i was blushing the entire time T-T it was sooo long tho. the slowburn was slow as fuck, like i dont think it started picking up till halfway through the book ?? but i think i just discovered that i REALLY like the forbidden romance trope 🫡
so i was telling my coworker and all my friends on goodreads that i needed to take a break from the series bc i felt like i was losing brain cells, but…
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so here i am, 40% done with twisted hate. i am not the biggest e2l fan but ,,,, i kinda like this. i dont think it’ll be as good as the second one… but i will keep you updated 🫡 i’ll probably be done with the entire series by this weekend 😭 so sick…
OKAY SORRY FOR THIS CFFHDGHJ
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snakegills · 1 month ago
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your mind amazes me i need your top book recommendations. any amount u could throw 5 books or 20 books at me right now id probably find time for all of them
Ah thank you so much! Here's a quick list of books i mostly read this year absolutely love in no particular order for you! Under the readmore bcs it's quite a bit
- repo virtual by Corey j white
One of the best books I've read all year. A cyberpunk sort of story that follows a few different characters, the first one being a repo man in a virtual game that the entire world plays. More stuff goes down and we are introduced to an amazing cast of characters. Honestly just a beautiful read and I super recommend it for anyone.
- The first 4 halo books (fall of reach, the flood, first strike, ghosts of onyx) genuinely they are incredible for many reasons but I personally love the description of battles. You do not need to have played the games beforehand BTW! In fact it's a much better book without having played the games
- the locked tomb series
Genuinely very good. I avoided reading them for a while, but they are actually as good as people say! The author very much has the vibes of a fanfic author but in a good way yknow? Also women are treated like actual characters. Love that.
- even though I knew the end by c.l polk:
Set in the 30s? Or so? Kind of a detective thing with angels and demons and a woman trying to solve a string of murders to save her soul. A Short read (4hr audiobook) but it honestly got me to finally understand the appeal of noir and detective stuff
- challenger deep by Neal Shusterman
This book is about a teenager dealing with his sudden development of schizophrenia and how it changes his life. Its based on the authors son and the personal experience makes this book incredibly heartfelt and compelling. Also the fact that Neal shusterman has written books I've loved since I was 10 helps
- some desperate glory by Emily tesh
Very interesting read from the pov of a very brainwashed girl in a cult made of the last remaining humans still fighting the war on aliens that destroyed earth. It really sucks you in with the world building and plot! I really love the main character she's the solid snake of lesbians and I need her like carnally.
Interview with the vampire + the vampire lestat by Anne rice
If you like vampires and are okay with things getting a little dark (the concept of a vampire child and everything that comes with it. And incest in the second book) these books are really good! The language she uses is incredible and very Gothic. I tried to read the third book and super hated it but it's not like it was bad I guess
- Carmilla by sheridan le fanu
One of the first vampire novels to be published in Europe! A very interesting read, especially if you have had a life long love of vampire stories. Definitely recommend it over Dracula.
- song of achilles
A great read if you're into Greek legends, especially Achilles and Patroclus. Read it in high-school and it's stuck with me ever since. One of the most compelling love stories of the human race in my eyes.
- Wolf in white van by John darnielle
So im a huge fan of the mountain goats so of course I read all of John's books BUT this one? This one is the best. The way the story is told is just inspirational. He truly writes books that are the journey not the destination. I highly recommend this particular book, but his other works (Devil House and Universal Harvester) are good too. If you are gonna read all three save wolf in white van for the last, it is the best.
- this is how you lose the time war by amel el-mohtar
Everything you've heard about this book is wrong. It is better than what you've heard. Ignore all the Trigun fans that say this book is vashwood it is BETTER than that. A love story between two woman that transcends time and space and just ugh... ugh. Its good.
-in the mountains of madness by hp Lovecraft
If you read only one thing by Lovecraft make it this one. Its his best work. Reads almost like a tale you'd tell around a campfire. )If you liked this one and want to read more i personally recommend the case of Charles dexter ward)
And finally I'm leaving off with a few rapid fire suggestions
- enders game by orson scott card (only enders game do not read anymore you will hate the rest)
- I have no mouth and I must scream, harlan Ellison compilation works
- mister b gone by Clive baker
- jurassic park
-1984 + animal farm
- do androids dream of eletric sheep?
- we have always lived in a castle
- camp damascus by Chuck tingle
- cats cradle by Kurt vonnegut
- the outsiders
- lord of the flies
Anyway I love to read and I've read A Lot of books so if you want a better description of Amy of these or to talk about them I'm always down.
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shriveledupflies · 2 years ago
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February 4 - 1:41 AM
it is finally like the weekend. i'm happy, like genuinely this week has been kinda annoying. it's kinda like if someone vomited in ur mouth, forced u to swallow it, then regurgitate it and swallow it all back down yet again. i have to carry around a FUCKING EGG THE COMING WEEK, UGH! i swear to god, im just gonna swallow the bitch, like i hate kids so i don't know why i took a class where i have to like LEARN ABOUT KIDS. it's so annoying and not southern gothic, not ethelcore. it's genuinely the most boring shit ever. sure, there are like a few things to look forward to, i guess, like... lunch, i guess. i'm a fat bitch so that's expected of me. besides that, i really have nothing to fucking do at that school but like stare at my phone or a wall. it's excruciating. it doesn't help that like everyone is either bland or like worlds away from anywhere i go. like, i get stuck with the ugly people and the hot but boring people and it's so annoying. i just want to like have a hot friend group! one where like we can listen to ethel cain and be super hot and sexy and stuff, but like no one gives me a chance. it's not my fault i'm scary, i am sleep deprived most of the time and don't even want to be here! just because i'll ask you what the fuck u are looking at if you stare at me for more than a milisecond doesn't mean i don't want friends!!!!
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agustids · 4 years ago
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A collection of BTS fanfics that I liked (u know the ❤ button), possibly some are re-read, since 2017. I hope you don’t mind that I like hurting my feelings most of the time with angst stories lol. my back hurts so much after compiling these fics ugh 
Warnings: some fics listed below contains smut (+18), better read the description of the story before proceeding. 
Will only update this masterpost every now and then. I will also set up a post with the stories I read in ao3 soon.
Feel free to suggest me stories that are not in this list <3 
Personal favorites (✬)
Kim Namjoon (k.nj)
➞ Letting Go (ft. p.jm) @bangtan-babe | angst, fluff
Min Yoongi (m.yg)
➞ Carousel ✬ @yoonia | angst, smut, suspense, arranged marriage!au  ➞ Wildest Moments @joonbird | angst, smut ➞ The Tenth Floor (ft. k.th) @notsoguiltykpop | fluff, humor, some angst ➞ Slytherin to my Heart @bangtan-insfired | angst, fluff, hogwarts!au ➞ Lesson Learned @chyubs | fluff  ➞ La Douleur Exquise @cinnaminsvga | fluff, angst, smut, incubus!yoongi ➞ The Wicked Witch @jimlingss | angst, fluff, drama, soap opera!au ➞ 2 am @sunshinejoon | angst ➞ Pipe dreams @chinesesuga | angst, fluff, smut (eventually) ➞ The Crown (ft. j.jk)  @sopewriters | angst ➞ Garden in my heart @army-author | fluff, bad boy!yoongi ➞ I want to be the one you write your love songs about @jiminandlemonade | angst, fluff ➞ Blackthorne Manor ✬ @kpopfanfictrash | gothic romance!au, mystery ➞ Signed in Black @yoon-kooks |  soulmate!au, bad boy!au, fluff, eventually smut ➞ Cool cats (and dogs, too) @gukyi | dad!au ➞ Inheritance @jincherie | hybrid!au ➞ Somebody Else ✬ @jjkthclub | angst, infidelity ➞ Internet Friends  ✬ @etherealino | social media!au, fluff ➞ The Devil Herself @jiminiethot | demon!oc, explicit smut  ➞ Sugar pie, honey bunch! @bangtaninink | sugar daddy!au ➞ Cut me open part 1, part 2 @hayjeon | smut, married, surgeon!au ➞ Camouflage @fairyscribbles | zombie!au ➞ interlude; dream, reality @dat-town | fluff, slice of life ➞ Lethal @analovegirl | explicit smut, fluff ➞ Piano notes @exi-dentally | school!au ➞ Late Bloomer @tayegi | werewolf!au, smut ➞ 72 miles   ✬  @namjoonchronicles | heavy angst, slight fluff   ➞ Black & White @akinnie75 | romance, fluff, slight angst, slow burn ➞ All I want for Christmas @hayjeon | single dad and ceo!yoongi ➞ Bunny Blues (ft. j.jk, k.nj) @httpjeon | hybrid!reader, angst, fluff, future smut ➞ Leave me @itsamejin | cheating, toxic relationship!au, angst ➞ Away from Me ✬  @personasintro | fluff, angst, smut, divorce!au ➞ Droplets @bts-timestories | historical, arranged marriage!au, yandere themes ➞ Goodbye @itsamejin | angst ➞ Heartstring Melodies (ft.j.jk) ✬ @whitesparrows97 | soulmates!au, angst ➞ I feel you in my heart (ft. j.jk)  ✬ @purpletaecup | drama, angst, romance, second chance ➞ Divorce @xjamlessparkx | angst
Park Jimin (p.jm)
➞ Blazing Arrows (ft. j.jk) @kingminie | fluff, angst, future smut, supernatural!au ➞ You are Really Perfect (pt 1), I was afraid to lose you (pt 2) @justtextmeoppa | slight angst, fluff in the end ➞ Neighbour @moonlitjiminn | fluff, romance ➞ The Arrangement @kpoptart216 | angst, arranged marriage!au ➞ I’ll never be her  ✬  @anon-luv | angst, romance  ➞ Chained to you @addicktjimin | tiny angst, fuck boi!jimin ➞ Taste the party (ft. j.jk) @winetae | smut, idol!au ➞ Temporary Bliss  @jjkthclub | angst ➞ Park Jimin @chulobangtan | angst ➞ Over Again @yoonia | pianist!au, artist reader!au, angst, slight smut ➞ A Serpent’s Flower, Sowing a Sapling (sequel)  ✬  | hogwarts professors !au, smut, married   ➞ Better @jeonggukookies | bestfriend!jimin, fluff/slow burn angst ➞ Come Home to me, Darling ✬ @roses-ruby |  cheating!au, angst, smut , fluff  ➞ Opposites Attract @kpopfanfictrash | hogwarts!au, smut ➞ Bloom ✬ @jamaisjoons | hanahaki!au, angst, smut ➞ Charity @inkjam-moon | royalty!au, fluff, light angst, smut ➞  A Sensitivity to Ephemera @akinnie75 | fluff, tragic, slow burn, romance
Kim Taehyung (k.th)
➞ Rent-a-Boyfriend™ @jimlingss | fluff ➞ Strawberry Shortcake (ft. j.jk) @btsinned | smut, angst, fluff, strawberry farmer!taehyung ➞ Pulse  @rohobi | angst, smut, medical!au ➞ Begin Again (ft. m.yg) @writtenyoongi | single parent!au, fluff, angst, sprinkle of smut ➞ Sweetpea (ft. j.jk) @nitaescence | explicit smut, ddlg!au ➞ Silver and blue series @untaemedqueen | werewolf!au ➞ Remember This ✬ @yoohtae | weddingplanners!au, angst
Jeon Jungkook (j.jk)
➞ Baby, My Baby  @pjimims | angst, fluff, parents!au ➞ Flirt (ft. k.th)  @slyscenarios | angst, smut, fuckboy!jk ➞ The Lost Memories  @gujoonim | angst, romance ➞ Daddy Issues  @euphorianyx | smut, fluff, angst ➞ A Story that we paint  @thedefinitionofbts | college!au, future, scifi, slight fluff and angst ➞ The Truth about Forever  @thedefinitionofbts | romance, implied smut, angst, slice of life ➞ Surrender  @infiresjimin | angst, smut ➞ You’ll be okay  @bangtan-babe | angst, fluff ➞ It ain’t me  @inferno-loop | social media!au  ➞ Cherry (ft. k.th)  @esqeon | angst, friends to lovers!au ➞ Attention  @btees | fluff, angst, some smut, college!au ➞ Kalopsia  @erosjeon | fluff, smut, hybrid!jungkook ➞ Hurricane  @planetjeon | angst   ➞ Ice Queen  ✬  @kookmejeon | social media!au   ➞ DNA @btssavedmylifeblr | dystopian smut, future, angst ➞ Lust and Limerence @btsfanficss | angst, fluff, harry potter!au ➞ New Rules ✬  @tayegi | angst, smut, fratboy!jungkook   ➞ The Boy Who Left @gujoonim | angst, ceo!au  ➞ 3:00 AM @oceanjoon | angst, cheating ➞ Image, Bad Boy @kittentaegu |  bad boy!au, angst, fluff, smut ➞ About Time (ft. p.jm) ✬  @yoonia | time leap!au, soulmate!au ➞ Dear Jungkook @fatrainbowmermaidunicorn | angst ➞ Comfort Inn Ending @joonbird | angst, smut ➞ Ego  @suga-kookiemonster | smut ➞ Witch Hazel @yoon-kooks |  fanfic writer!jungkook, idol!reader, college!au, angst, fluff ➞ All in my head @fatrainbowmermaidunicorn | angst w/ happy ending ➞ Mistake (pt 1), Obsessed (pt 2) @whipped-for-kpop-fics | smut, noona kink ➞ Time to let go @mywrittings | angst, bestfriend!au  ➞ Piano Tiles @bobagukk |  angst, fluff, smut; chaebol!jungkook, pianist!y/n ➞ Four Letters (ft. m.yg) ✬ @littlemisskookie | angst, smut, fwb!jungkook, icequeen!reader ➞ Winter Court series (ft. k.th)  ✬ @koyamuses | angst, slowburn, fantasy, romance ➞ Park’s Paradise of Muggle Merchandise @kittae | hogwarts!AU, drabble, ravenclaw!jungkook ➞ Holy hell @arcadeguk | greek mythology!au  ➞ For Science ✬ @boymeetsweevil | nerd!jungkook, smut, angst ➞ Hidden under the covers @yoon-ing | college!au ➞ Puzzle @kimvvantae | smut, angst, comedy, fwb!jungkook ➞ Strike Three ✬ @avveh | explicit smut ➞ Different Paths @taehyungiejiminie95 | angst, ex-bf!jungkook ➞ Fierce and Delicate (pt 1), Felicity (pt 2) ✬  @mintseesaw | smut, angst, fluff, husband!jungkook ➞ The Morning After ✬ @jungkookiebus | smut, fluff   ➞ Secret Slut @jeonsweetpea | smut, ceo!reader, personal assistant!jungkook ➞ Long lost ✬  @gukyi | childhood friends!au, celebrity!au   ➞ Moving On @taeguboi | angst ➞ Low Expectations @vin-taege | angst, eventual smut, l2e2l ➞ Netflix and Chill @badbhye | smut ➞ Rigor Mortis ✬ @readyplayerhobi | smut, angst, horror, fluff, police officer!jungkook   ➞ The Lionheart’s Oath ✬  @sugaxjpg | angst, fluff, smut, fantasy, knight!jungkook   ➞ Freesia @eleventoes | childhood friends to lovers!au, semi-bad boy!jk, fluff ➞ The Turing Test @fortunexkookie | android!au, fluff, explicit smut, angst ➞ Mr and Miss Perfect @kookscript |  hogwarts!au, fluff, angst-ish ➞ Lonely Heart , part 2 @scenarioslovers | married!au, infidelity, angst ➞ (y)our name @jjkpls | fluff, angst, smut ➞ Speak Now @bbangtan-ddaeng | angst, cheating ➞ Navy @jjkfire | childhoodfriend!AU, idol!AU ➞ Vaunt @yminie | explicit smut, frat boy!jungkook ➞ Take a Chance @crystaljins | hanahaki!au ➞ Moirai @taeken-my-heart | soulmates!au, angst, e2l ➞ Blindfold @themfchase | explicit smut, college!au ➞ Bam! you got scammed! @dovechim | explicit smut ➞ Tooth and Claw @johobi | explicit smut, werewolf!au ➞ Full Stop @1oserjk | divorce!au, angst ➞ Blizzard, part 2 ✬  @curly-bangtan | romance, smut, dosmetic!au ➞ Growing Pains @rkiverse | fluff, angst, quarterback!jungkook ➞ Monster @btssmutgalore | frat boy!jungkook, explicit smut ➞ Bandslam @ironicarmy | band!au, smut, e2l ➞ Young God @njssi | smut, nonidol!au, brother’s best friend!au ➞ Falling into you @kookingtae | college!au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd!jk  ➞ Rough Edges @kjhmyg | badboy!jungkook, explicit smut ➞ On my mind @angelguk | fluff, smut, domestic!au ➞ Worst of You @oureuphoria | fluff, angst, comedy, police officer!jungkook ➞ Bunny Troubles @appreciatethefoolishness |  fluff, future smut, hybrid!jungkook ➞ Rattled series ✬ @gukslut | singledad!jungkook, angst, smut, romance ➞ He won’t know @jgukmilk | cheating!au, smut, slight, angst ➞ Number Neighbor @sevenforeverbulletproof | social media!au ➞ One year, my love ✬ @hayjeon | historical!au, fluff, angst, smut ➞ You belong with me @joonscroll | angst, fluff ➞ Chasing pavements ✬ @guklvr | dad!jungkook, f2l, angst, unrequited feelings au, sad stuff, future smut ➞ To tame a god ✬ @jeonstudios | fantasy, werewolf!au ➞ Broken Dreams @ddaenysus | soulmate!au, angst, unrequited love ➞ Through the night @nightbts |  fluff, angst, idol! au, friends to lovers!au ➞ Effortlessly @gyukult | fluff, smut, romance ➞ Crybaby @lavishedinjimin | explicit smut, somewhat a ddlg!au ➞ Still with you @ddaengqyu | angst, fluff, idol!au ➞ Rebound (ft. k.th) @btssaysstudy | angst ➞ I want a baby @codenameskye | angst ➞ Somewhere only we know ✬ @userseok | hybrid!au, angst ➞ Aphrodite in war @jungblue | comedy, angst, eventual smut ➞ Easy @itsamejin | angst, fluff, fuck boi!jungkook ➞ Tell me no lies @jeongi |  ceo!jungkook, angst, smut, minimal fluff ➞ After I left you @latetaektalk |  exes! AU, fake dating! AU, enemies to lovers-ish! AU, unrequited feelings-ish! AU, angst, fluff ➞ Fine Line @voidswan-main | fuck boi!jungkook ➞ Heart of the Storm @ladyartemesia | fluff, smut, hint of angst ➞ Come back to me ✬ @bonnyskies | angst, sexual themes, idol!au, marriage!au, parents!au ➞ Good Girl @bonny-kookoo | mild ddlg!au, smut, fluff, little angst ➞ Love to hate you @latetaektalk | angst, fluff, sexual themes, fake dating!au ➞ Lonely hearts club @dovechim | e2l, smut ➞ Tiger lily @v-hope |  fluff, slight angst, smut, college!au ➞ Alpha Jeon @pbandjk | werewolf!au ➞ Claws of carnality @jjungkooksthighs | smut, werewolf!au ➞ Your eyes tell ✬ @njkbangtan | soulmates!au, angst ➞ All over you @zibermuda |  smut, e2l, nerd!jk ➞ I hate you, I love you @jungblue | angst, smut ➞ Hand in the Kookie jar @mama-m0chi | bbf / baby daddy!jungkook, smut ➞ Zoom Call @1kook | fluff, slice of life, smut ➞ The dark prince @jkeuphoriadreamland | yandere, royalty!au, smut, angst ➞ Stolen dances ✬ @taeyohonic | bestfriend!jungkook, my bestfriend’s wedding ➞ Ego killer @zibermuda | smut, e2l, fuck boi!jk  ➞ From home @gyukult | fakedating!au, fluff, angst, e2l, smut ➞ Confident @h0neypjm | smut, fluff, angst, college au, fuck boi!jungkook ➞ Dire @whatifyoulivelikethat | smut, werewolf!au ➞ Please love me ✬ @ahundredtimesover | angst, arranged marriage!au, smut ➞ Evolution of a lover’s heart @jeonstudios | fluff, angst, fuck boi!jungkook ➞ Decalcomania ✬ @koyalov | angst, fluff, idol!au ➞ Almost home ✬ @angelguk | dad!jungkook, angst ➞ Delivery boy @pbandjk | angst, fluff, smut, becoming parents!au ➞ Magic Shop @njkbangtan | childhood best friends to lovers, drama, angst, fluff, slow burn ➞ [Your] love’s the only hoax I believe in @sparklingchim | angst, smut, fuck boi!jungkook ➞ Stem major!koo x cold senior!y/n ✬ @jiminrings | bullet fic, fluff, angst ➞ Spellbound to be @rosaetae |  vampire!jungkook, fantasy!au, soulmate!au, angst ➞ Lost Stars @rookiegukie | fluff, angst, roommates!au, e2l ➞ Lovefool @citrustan | angst, smut, fluff ➞ An ode to a broken heart @smoochkooks | unrequited love, heavy angst, eventually smut ➞ Anemoia @vantaenims | futuristic!au, fluff, mystery ➞ Once upon a bracelet @ladyartemesia | fantasy, soulmates!au, e2l ➞ The fact is @bangtanreadingcorner | romance ➞ Deus ex machina ✬ @readyplayerhobi | angst, android!jungkook ➞ Aquarium @whatifyoulivelikethat | heavy angst, cheating, non-idol!au ➞ The alchemy of amor @army-author | fluff, fantasy!au, e2l ➞ Drown for you ✬ @jeonstudios | merman/siren!jungkook, angst, fluff, smut ➞ Granite glow ✬ @namjoonchronicles | slice of life, videographer jungkook au, marriage au, angst, fluff ➞ Orange Tulips @kainks | soulmate!au, reincarnation!au, fluff, angst, light smut ➞ Cotton Candy @velocitae | fluff, slight angst, slight smut, werewolf!jungkook ➞ Strings  @minsuxga | soulmates!au, angst
➞ Hotbot @httpjeon | angst, fluff, smut
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gnocchighoul · 4 years ago
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Operation Hot Potato
Summary: 
“See? She’s just a baby~” you coo, gently wiggling the kitten in his face.
Lucifer grimaces. Takes another, larger step back. “If a baby is what you want, I’d rather give you one myself.”
(You bring home a kitten and try to hide her from Lucifer. Unfortunately for you, nothing gets past the House of Lamentation’s resident pet-hater.)
Word Count: 3.6k
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You found a kitten.
Well—kind of. It’s debatable.
You think it’s a kitten. She certainly looks like one—fluffy little thing with snow-white fur, blue eyes, a poofy little triangular head, and the most perfectly pink toe beans you’ve ever had the pleasure of squishing. 
The reason why you’re so hesitant to call her a kitten? 
She breathes fire. Hiccups fireballs. Sneezes flaming hot streams of… well, flames.
You learned that firsthand ten minutes ago, when you nearly got your eyebrows singed off by a particularly dangerous sneeze. All you wanted to do was give her a smooch on her wittle pink nose, you weren’t expecting to get blasted in the face with an orangey-red inferno.
But you know what? It doesn’t matter if she’s a little strange. You’ve sworn your everlasting love to your newfound daughter—your secret daughter that the demon brothers can absolutely not know about under any circumstances whatsoever, because you just know that Lucifer will make you put her back in the wild where you found her.
Your fire-sneezing, bouncing baby girl wouldn’t last another day out in the harsh wilderness (aka the dumpster that you retrieved her from). In the forty-seven minutes that you’ve had her, she’s grown accustomed to belly scratches, sleeping in your bed, and gnawing on only the finest tortilla chips in the Devildom. 
Her name is Tater Tot.
She sticks out like a sore white thumb among your colorful assortment of pillows. Not that she cares. She’s living it up in the lap of luxury. Tater Tot stretches—turns around with every paw in the air, proudly showing off her rotund little baby belly, and mrrps at you.
Its the cutest thing you've ever fucking seen. You just wanna SQUEEZE her. Ugh, who would've guessed that a little trash fire baby would steal your heart so quickly?
And it’s not like you broke the rules and brought home a pet on purpose. Tater Tot had chosen you. By choosing to rummage around in that specific dumpster that you just so happened to walk past on your way home from RAD, Tater Tot had effectively decided that you were to be her new caretaker. 
It’s fate. Kismet. You’ve wanted a pet for so long—dog, cat, dragon, gremlin, doesn’t matter. You’ve spent hours upon hours bitching and moaning to anyone that’ll listen about how badly you’ve wanted a pet to smother with your love. Nobody has been able to escape your woe. Everyone—the brothers, the angels, Solomon, and even your good buddy Diavolo (somehow, Barbatos has managed to evade you) have all been forced to listen to your lamenting about the pet-shaped hole in your heart. 
But finally—finally—your prayers have been answered.
With a fire breathing kitten. 
Oh yeah. Kismet.
You’re fairly certain that Tater Tot has never lived in a house. She had been perfectly content to snuggle up in your school uniform like some kind of tiny, pouch dwelling, heat seeking creature, until you had snuck into your bedroom and closed the door behind you. 
The second you set her on the floor, it was like a switch flipped. Tater Tot had shown off her unnatural strength by flinging her little puffball body around the room like a possessed tumbleweed, spastically crashing around the room and knocking over furniture and keepsakes alike.
You had finally cornered her under your bed and sat peacefully nearby, humming quietly to calm her. It didn’t take long for you to coax her out with snacks—she liked the chips, but passionately disliked the gummy worms—and within twenty minutes you had Tater Tot lounging with you on the bed, rubbing her soft little cheeks into your palm for rubs and scritches. 
You need to come up with a plan to hide your beloved child ASAP. It’s only a matter of time until either Lucifer hauls you off to his room or one of the brothers decides to camp out in yours for the night, and if word gets back to Lucifer that you’re harboring a fugitive animal… Well, favoritism or not, it won’t end pretty.
Though perhaps there is one person who can help you with this little secret.
Satan. The cat-loving fourth brother. 
Man oh man, he’s going to be thrilled with sweet little Tater Tot. You have to be careful though—you reckon that there is a 96% chance that he’ll try to steal her away from you. Trying to juggle custody battles and harboring your secret daughter from Lucifer all at the same time sounds like such a pain.
But… That would still be better than having to put Tater Tot back on the streets.
With the threat of big-meanie-Lucifer looming over you like a particularly gothic and pet-hating phantom, you come to a final decision. You’re just going to have to pull on your big girl pants and accept the soul crushing truth of the situation.
Satan is your only hope. 
But how are you going to sneak your daughter all the way over to his room?
You look around your own room for something, anything that can hide your beloved dumpster pet and—ohohoho.
 ~
“Darling?” 
You freeze midstep.
Busted.
“What’s up, Lucifer?” You try so hard to keep your voice calm and normal. So hard. 
Judging by the way Lucifer looks at you, you’ve failed. And you were so close. Satan’s bedroom is literally right there! Only a few yards away! If only you’d just had ten more seconds to yourself in the dark hallway... Alas, the warden your beloved Lucifer aka the resident pet hater stands between you and the dusty salvation that is Satan’s library of a bedroom.
You shuffle your feet a bit nervously. Readjust your grip on the cardboard box. A bit warily, Lucifer eyes it.
“What’s in the box?”
You panic. “What box?” 
Fuck.
Lucifer cracks a smile, though it doesn’t meet his gaze. He gestures to the cardboard box that you are currently holding near to your chest like some sort of ugly, cubic liferaft. 
“Oh!” You laugh. It’s too high pitched. Suspicious. “This box? It’s just some books for Satan, it’s nothing—”
The box sneezes.
Your mouth snaps shut and you thank all the fucking stars in heaven that this sneeze didn’t flambé you.
Lucifer’s eyes narrow accusingly. Tone icy and sharp, he says, “Books? Is that so?” 
Fuck fuck fuck fuck—
You wilt a bit under the intensity of his gaze. “They’re… cursed books? Yeah, so cursed and dangerous and only Satan knows how to nullify the evilness of these books so I’m gonna just slip past you—”
Lucifer takes a step to the left, planting himself firmly in your path and effectively thwarting your desperate grand escape. A single blade of moonlight cuts through the curtains and slices through the shadows, Lucifer now caught in the spotlight and—oh that fucker did that on purpose. Ugh, what a drama queen.
Red eyes practically glowing in the dark, he nods menacingly at the box. “Go on then. Open it.” 
“I dunno, I really shouldn’t because of the curses and—”
Clearly not in the mood to entertain your scheming-slash-rambling, Lucifer takes matters into his own hands. Before you can twist away, one of his hands darts out to knock the lid off of the box and—
Books. It’s filled with books.
He frowns. Lifts one up and—nope, there’s just more books underneath. “...What?” 
“Happy? Now if you don’t mind I really should get—”
“Let me help you with that.”
Your reflexes aren't fast enough. Before you can leap back or Sparta kick him away, Lucifer plucks the box right out of your arms… and reveals a squirming lump beneath your sweater, right inbetween your breasts. The box hits the floor. Lucifer stares at your newly acquired mass with a very particular sort of horror that you’ve never seen before. 
You panic. Again.
“...I grew a new boob. I think the Devildom air is toxic or something, but it’s okay! The more the merrier, right? We can still—gET YOUR HANDS OFF MY TIDDIES—”
Lucifer presses one hand to your lower back, trapping you, and yanks down your zipper, revealing the purrito that is wrapped kind-of-securely to your chest with a scarf. He recoils backwards, looking equal parts horrified and peeved off.
Time for Plan B.
93% sure that you can still recover from this situation that is rapidly soaring downhill, you stuff your hands into your pockets and then throw them outwards, flinging fistfuls of rainbow confetti into the air. “Surpriiiise! You’re a daddy! Say hello to our daughter.”
“No.”
“Her name is Tater Tot. Personally, I think she takes after you.”
The Tater in question shimmies out of her silky prison and tumbles nose first into your palms. You hold her right up to Lucifer’s face, grinning like a goddamn sociopath when he takes an alarmed step backwards. Little puffball paws desperately try to swipe at his nose. Lucifer looks downright offended by the assault of pink toe beans.
“See? She’s just a baby~” you coo, gently wiggling the noodle-limp kitten in his face.
Lucifer grimaces. Takes another, larger step back. “If a baby is what you want, I’d rather give you one myself.”
“As fun as that sounds, we have a perfectly good one right here!” 
“That thing is not a baby. Where did you find it?” 
There’s a concerned little scrunch in his brow that you wanna smooth over with your thumb, but when you try to close the distance between you two, he moves further out of reach. Frowning, you hug Tater Tot to your chest. She snuggles her face into the crook of your neck and purrs like the smallest biodiesel engine in all of the realms.
“I found her in a dumpster!” you say, perhaps a bit too proudly. 
Lucifer’s eyes widen. “In the city?”
“Why is that so shocking? Does the Devildom not have stray cats?” 
“That’s not a cat.” 
“Well yeah I kinda figured, what with the whole fire breathing thing and all, but—”
“It’s a chimera.” 
You stare at Lucifer. Try to gauge how serious he’s being. Tater Tot nibbles on your thumb with little needle-like teeth. 
Surely he’s joking. 
“...Like the lion-goat-lizard thing? That chimera?” 
Lucifer nods. 
Like you’re in some twisted version of the Lion King, you hold Tater Tot up in the beam of moonlight that Mr. Doom and Gloom had previously been occupying. Examine her totally normal kitten-features. The distinct lack of goat hooves. Miss Tater licks her nose. A Chimera? Her?
Surely he’s fucking with you.
But… it would explain the whole fire-breathing thing. Kind of. You’re not fully convinced he’s lying, but the truth doesn’t make much more sense.
But if she is a chimera… that’s so badass.
If Lucifer thinks for one second that Tater Tot being a nightmarish Hell creature is going to scare you into giving her up, then he is sorely mistaken. (You did choose to date him, after all. You're an expert at loving on Hellish beings.) At the end of the day, whether Tater is a chimera or a cat or whatever the hell else, you’ve already bonded with each other. She’s your baby and you are not going to let him get rid of her. 
If he gets Cerberus, then you get your funky little Tater Tot, dammit.
Lucifer watches this journey of emotions play out on your face. His eyes narrow. He says your name slowly, strained—a thinly veiled warning in his voice.
The grin that overtakes your face can only be described as evil. 
“We’re keeping her.”
“Absolutely not.” 
 ~
“You can’t be serious.” 
From the depths of your blanket fort, your hand emerges to flip Lucifer off. He scowls. 
“This blanket fort is only for Tater Tot and me.”
“Then perhaps you should relocate to your bed.” Lucifer growls.
You snuggle further into the black sheets cocooning you. With impressive speed, you had raced back to Lucifer’s room and stripped every piece of fabric from his bed in record time. From there, it was simply a matter of combining the dark sheets with a bunch of pillows and voila. You had created your very own anti-Lucifer fortress, right in the middle of his bed. 
Tater Tot army-crawls across your thigh and worms her way into the sheets, vanishing like a ninja.
"What?" You peek at Lucifer through a small opening in the fabric. “But then you would just ignore me and Tater Tot.” 
“Yes, exactly. I’m glad that we’re on the same page.”
“No! We’re not on the same page at all,” you scowl. “I’m not moving until you bond with her.” 
“Then I suppose you’ll be stuck there forever.” 
“Maybe I will!”
You can’t see him right now, but you know in the depths of your heart that Lucifer is rolling his eyes at you. 
Which, y’know. Fair. You are being a little bit ridiculous. But what choice do you have? The confetti didn't work and Lucifer needs to form an everlasting bond with Tater Tot. He needs to experience how lovely and precious and wonderful your little baby is, so that he won’t make you put her back in the dumpster where you found her.
You have one last tactic. It is by far the absolute worst. 
Talking to him. Like some kind of functioning, responsible adult, because apparently that's what you're supposed to do in a healthy relationship. Blegh. 
While you agonize over stooping to this final resort, Lucifer climbs into the bed without a word and settles himself in like he owns the place. Which he does. But that’s beside the point. 
One of your arms emerges from the blanket shield to poke at his pajama clad thigh. He doesn’t react. So naturally, you poke him again. And again. And again, until finally he sighs, “What?”
You squirm your way out of the stuffy blankets, gulping down air once you're free—sweet baby Jesus, fresh air has never felt so good—and Tater Tot flies out after you, rocketing across the mattress at the speed of light and tumbling around like a little white pom pom. While she does her own thing, you worm your way into Lucifer’s side so that you’re halfway on top of his chest. He huffs and lays there like a board, refusing to hug you, so you grab his arm and wrap it around your shoulders yourself.
Here goes nothing. 
“Why are you so against having a pet?” you ask, dancing the pads of your fingers over his chest.
Lucifer cracks one eye open. “The first and last time I allowed pets in the house, Satan brought home 48 cats. In one hour.” 
...You really should have seen that one coming.
“Oh. Well, I mean… Is that reallyyy a bad thing—ow! You jerk, I was just kidding.” You pout. “You didn’t have to pinch my butt that hard.” 
Lucifer snickers and pats your butt consolingly. “Mmm, no, I didn’t. But I wanted to.”
Briefly, you consider headbutting him right in the chin. But alas, that wouldn’t solve anything, so you settle for pressing a kiss to his collarbone, then reach a hand up to play with his hair, just how he likes. It’s not very ~vengeful~ buuut it’s bound to put him in a better mood. 
You trace cutesy little heart shapes on his right pec. “You know what I want?”
Lucifer closes his eyes—lets his head fall back onto the mattress. “We’re not keeping her.” 
You snuggle into his chest with a happy little hum. “Yes we are.”
“...Just for the night. Tomorrow you're putting her back where you found her."
 ~
You wake up in agony. 
It feels like you’ve had a lung ripped out and replaced with serrated knives. Or shark teeth. Each breath drags oh so painfully at your—just kidding. 
You wake up well rested and tangled in the bedsheets, your head hanging off the side of the mattress. You’re a little hazy-brained and your skull feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, but that’s probably because of all the blood rushing to your head. When you roll over and haul yourself back up onto the bed, a noise escapes you that is definitely not fit for polite company.
The murky depths of slumber threaten to take you again, so you pat around the bed with your hand, looking for your favorite demon-slash-body pillow. You pat. And keep patting. Where the hell is Lucifer?
You crack one bleary eye open, trying to find Lucifer and—
Where the hell is Tater Tot?
Your heart jolts in your chest as you realize a few things all at once.
One: Lucifer is missing. 
Two: Tater Tot is missing.
Three: You slept through breakfast, but that’s less important. 
You’re off like a shot, wrestling yourself out of the sheets and flinging them to the floor, then stumbling across the room to get to the door before your brain can even fully wake up. It’s fine, you don’t need 100% brainpower, you just need to find your baby. 
You’ve barely taken four steps into the hallway when you slam nose first into Mammon. He catches you, saving your face from becoming acquainted with the floor, and you grab him by the leathery lapels of his jacket. 
“Where’s Lucifer?!” you hiss.
Mammon desperately tries to squirm out of your feral grip. You shake him like a polaroid picture.
“Geez, knock it off would ya?! He’s in his office, what the hell is up with you? Wh—HEY! I’M NOT DONE TALKIN’ TO YA!”
Whatever the Weenie has to say to you is less important than finding your child, so as soon as you acquire Lucifer’s location, you haul ass to Lucifer’s study.
 ~
In a raging fury that could rival Satan’s existence, you fling open the door, ready to tear Lucifer a new one for not even letting you say goodbye to your beloved kitten and—
And your heart melts into a warm, gooey puddle. 
Lucifer is sitting at his desk. Tater Tot is draped across his shoulders.
Lucifer glares at you, but there's no real bite in his gaze. “Keep it down, Phobos is sleeping.”
You blink stupidly, your brain racing at a thousand miles an hour to catch up with whatever the hell you’re currently feeling that has you all mushy and moon-eyed. “Phobos? What the hell? That’s not her name at all.” 
“My love, we are not naming our daughter after potatoes. Her name is now Phobos. She and I came to a mutual agreement that it is far more fitting of a name for a creature of her pedigree.”
...You’re so torn. On one hand, you want to argue that Tater Tot is a lovely name for your dumpster kitten-chimera-thing, but on the other hand… he called her ‘our daughter’. As in your guys’s daughter. This can only mean one thing, and you clutch at your heart when you realize what’s happening.
They bonded.
It damn well might bring a tear to your eyes.
You make your way over to Lucifer, shove aside the papers on his desk, and perch your happy ass right on the hardwood.
With a bone deep sigh, Lucifer leans back in his chair. “Why do you always do that? My lap is available, you know.”
Tater Tot wakes up and lifts her heavy little sleep-addled head to meep at you.
You grin—hook your ankles around the armrests of his chair and pull him closer. “So… does this mean we’re keeping Tater Tot?” 
“... Yes, we’re keeping Phobos. But that’s it, no more pets.”
“Okay, wait. Hear me out. What about a dog?”
“Absolutely not.”
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Lucifer plucks another white hair from his RAD uniform and holds it up to the moonlight, scowling at the offensive thing. Why in all the realms did you have to find a white cat? The damned thing has only lived with you lot for two days and yet somehow its hair has already gotten over every article of black clothing in his wardrobe. It’s infuriating.
His gaze wanders across the courtyard to where you’re sitting pretty on Beel’s shoulders, clawing at his face with your fingertips and screaming in terror at how high up you are. He grins. 
He can put up with the shedding fur, so long as he gets to see how your eyes shine like the stars when you see Phobos.
Still though. Why couldn’t you find a black kitten? 
“Lucifer! There you are!” 
Lucifer flicks the cat hair—lets the breeze catch it and float it away. Before he can even get a proper greeting in, Diavolo is pulling him in for a bone crushing hug.
“You’re here a bit later than usual. How’s life with the new kitten treating you?” Diavolo asks.
Lucifer steps out of the hug and eyes Diavolo warily. “Just fine, thank yo—wait. How do you know about the cat?”
Diavolo blinks innocently. “Surely you told me about her, didn’t you?” 
No, he definitely did not—oh no. 
Lucifer stares, slack jawed and horrified, because in that moment, he realizes something that he refuses to accept.
No.
No. It can’t be.
Diavolo would never do that to him. He would ne—oh fuck, he absolutely did.
Diavolo planted the cat. He knew that you would find her in that dumpster and take her home.
Lucifer has never known a betrayal quite like this. Diavolo says something about heading off to his office, but he doesn’t hear him over the rushing in his ears.
“Diavolo.” 
The demon prince in question pauses in his escape to look back at Lucifer. “Yes, Lucifer?”
“Why did you have to pick a white cat?”
And oh, Diavolo laughs. A full belly laugh that quite honestly kills Lucifer. Just a little bit.
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reyofsunlight666 · 3 years ago
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aesthetics vs plot: a rant
(For reference: the books I have in mind as I write this are Moïra Fowley-Doyle's The Accident Season, Deirdre Sullivan's Savage Her Reply and Sarah Maria Griffin's Spare and Found Parts, the latter of which I'm currently reading) This year I've been intentionally trying to seek out and read Irish SFF. Most SFF I usually read is American, and I want to get a sense of what's going on this side of the Atlantic. In practice, this has meant reading mostly YA, as there's very few adult SFF writers in Ireland. And boy howdy, have I noticed some bullshit. *cracks knuckles*
All three of the novels I namechecked above are incredibly high-concept. Mysterious gothic phenomena happening year after year to a Family With Secrets? Yes, please. Retelling of a famous Celtic myth from the perspective of the evil stepmother? Sign me up! Steampunk gender-swapped Frankenstein in post-apocalyptic Dublin? Oh, hell yes. And all three of them are incredibly disappointing. The Accident Season's mystery plot descends into incoherence. Savage Her Reply promises a morally grey woman with power and then promptly skates over how she got that power. Spare and Found Parts has tons of cool worldbuilding details, absolutely zero of which impact the protagonist's life beyond mild inconvenience. In a post-apocalyptic world. All these issues have in common what I've noticed is a wider trend in YA as a whole: aesthetics over substance. What does it matter whether your protagonist is actually memorable or interesting? She's a brown queer woman! What does it matter whether your plot has distinct narrative beats created by protagonist agency causing organic consequences? Look at this Steampunk Desk Porn (TM)! What does it matter whether you make your settings meaningful by including them in meaningful plot points? Look at these escaped zoo animals in Phoenix Park, and watch as the protagonists fucking cycle by them with no consequences! (Okay, I'll admit I've got especially strong hate for Spare and Found Parts. That's because it's fresh in my mind, but the others have issues like this as well.) Look. I definitely have more artistic goals in common with these people than not. But if you include fantastic elements, they ain't just a pretty backdrop. If you treat them like that, they become forgettable, a series of widgets to put together instead of becoming Other and Alive. You have to make them matter.
For contrast, look at Welcome to Night Vale - a work that on the surface has much more hodgepodge worldbuilding. But Night Vale feels much more vivid and alive because it makes the worldbuilding integral to plot, character and place. Citizens of Night Vale are regularly inconvenienced, maimed and murdered by the Weird Thing Of The Week. Things like Carlos heading to the desert otherworld or the army of little people under the bowling alley trigger major character developments for the main cast.
Another crucial thing about WTNV and building a weird aesthetic is that it doesn't go all weird, all the time. There might be mysterious hooded creatures, but they sit in Starbucks. There might be pictures of an almighty Glow Cloud, but they get posted on social media. The show has a basis in ordinary life from which the weirdness can grow.
These books have no such restraint. In The Accident Season, the titular accident season and the old house where the climax happens was more than enough for magical realism. But the author had to go with all quirk, all the time. A rural Irish town and an isolated family needed to be kept ordinary apart from the weird stuff. But no, there had to be an incredibly quirky best friend and an incredibly quirky secret...gathering...thing in the school and an incredibly quirky Halloween party and...ugh. Instead of the actual cool plot & setpieces standing out, they ended up as one more exhausting attempt for the author to convince you how special she was. I wonder how much this is connected to norms of fandom and fanfic writing. I hate to say that, because I love fanfic. But underdeveloped original characters, lush settings that have about as much interactivity as a Pinterest board and little to no grasp of plot feel very internet- and fandom-influenced as flaws. And modern YA, with its interest in diversity, romance and left-wing political standpoints, is heavily influenced by fanfic, even when it's not being written by fanfic authors.
I hate this stuff precisely because of how much I love diverse characters and interesting genre literature and SFF set in Ireland. I want these things to be good because I want more of them - as a reader and a writer. I want to read this stuff. I want to write it, publish it & know that I'm not either getting tarred with the same aesthetic brush as this crowd or having my flaws swept under the rug in the name of ~social justice~ or ~the YA book community~ or some equally gooey concept. And whenever the aesthetic YA/diversity bubble bursts? I still want to get published, and I won't be able to if my aesthetic goals can be brushed off as poorly executed fads.
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servin-up-surveys · 2 years ago
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survey #008
“if there’s a god, why did he let the devil do his work on me?”
Are you currently mad at anyone? Nah, not actively. Do you like drawing on cement with chalk? I loved drawing with chalk as a kid. I mean I probably still would, but my fat ass and inadequately-muscled legs are NOT letting me get on the ground if I want back up, haha. When was the last time you went tanning? I've never deliberately tried to tan because I hate the feeling of heat literally cooking me. Do you like the smell of fresh cut grass? No. Have you ever worked at a party store? No. Are you creative? I think I am and have been told I am. Do you know how to play poker? Haha, it's funny, I did at a certain age as a kid, but now remember nothing as an adult. Do you always wear your seatbelt? Yes, always. Do you sing in the shower? No. Showers are fucking torture for me because of my legs so I get in and get the fuck out as fast as possible, I'm not concentrating on anything else. Have you ever been called a slut/whore/something along those lines? Only playfully by friends, never seriously. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly/didn't even know? Yes. Do you do drugs? No. Where do you want to get married? I have a few ideas. The absolute dream wedding would be in some sort of beautiful gothic building, like an old mansion, in the ballroom. I'll tell you right the fuck now I couldn't even dream of affording a venue like that though, so a more realistic option would be in some autumn woods, maybe by water or even a waterfall. Have you ever made yourself throw up? So, uh... I have tried. At my last job, when I was in the restroom having a panic attack and crying, I stuck my finger down my throat trying to force myself to vomit to give myself an extra reason to go home. And let me add how fucking TERRIFIED I am of the sensation of vomitting, if that helps give you an idea of how severely I was panicking. It didn't work. Honestly I probably would've kept trying if my co-worker hadn't come into the restroom making sure I was okay. Approximately two hours of fucking disaster. Have you ever fallen in love with a really good friend of yours? Haha yeah, I'm dating him rn. Do you own a blacklight? Not to my knowledge. Do you like fruit better than vegetables? Oh, absolutely. Have you ever been expelled from school? No. Do you believe you've met your soulmate or one of them? I don't believe in the concept of "soulmates." When did you last have grape juice? Literally the worst flavor of juice, ugh. I tried some back in March at the hospital because I really didn't want water, but I took one fuckin sip and got some water lmao. Have you learned anything today? Yeah honestly, but I don't wanna write an essay about it. Do you like the smell of coconut? Sure. It's not a favorite or anything, but it still smells fine. Do you prefer longer or short socks? Oh god, I used to be ALL over ankle socks, not feeling the sock stop there drives me FUCK-ING insane, like I can't wear them. I like socks that are at a normal length, really. Not terribly high, not very low. Do you like to leave your window open at night or do you use a fan? I have two fans that are always on in my room. If you find a spider in your home, do you set it free or kill it? I actually haven't been in this position in a very, very long time, considering these days I would want to catch it and let it out. How many pets have you had in your lifetime? I literally couldn't count, especially when we had a cat problem growing up. Do you sunburn easily? Ludicrously easily. What did you get into trouble for as a kid? Mostly for reasons related to being on the computer too much, fighting with my younger sister, and uhhh... idk. I was a good kid. What's something good that has happened here recently? Uh... idk. Like, there's stuff ig, but nothing remarkable. Who did you last say "I love you" to? My boyfriend. When did you last feel beautiful? Ugh I never do. ^ tries his hardest to assure me I am, but I just honest to god don't see what he does. Are you currently frustrated over something? Yeah. I just don't feel like getting into it. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yes. Do you enjoy going to yard sales or garage sales? It's not something we really *do*, but Mom and I both do like looking at random and obscure stuff. Do you like gummy bears? I do, gummy candy is the best. Do you ever get room service when staying in hotels? We barely ever, ever stay in hotels, but any time we have, we haven't gotten room service, to my memory. Who knows you better than anyone else? My mom. Sara. Have you ever caught a fish? Many, growing up going fishing all the time with Dad. Can you honeslty say you love the last person you kissed? I can very very confidently say I'm in love with him. What does your last text mesage say? I don't feel like checking, but I think it was Dad sending me a picture from the plane he'd just boarded to go to Michigan (or Ohio?) to see family. What does the last person you kissed name start with? "D," though I don't call him by this name. How many people have you kissed in the last 5 months? One. When did you last have sex? Still never lmao we just haven't gotten to that point yet for multiple reasons I'm not gonna elaborate on. Like we're perfectly comfortable doing it, there are just a number of reasons why we haven't. When did you lose your virginity? ^ Does anyone call you baby? Girt, sometimes. It's not a regular, and I prefer it that way. What do you currently hear? "Armee der Tristen" by Rammstein. It's never going to end y'all Who was your first love? Jason, my high school boyfriend. What would you do if your doctor told you, you were pregnant? Well, given what I just said a few moments ago, I'd tell them they physically couldn't have the right person because I don't believe in immaculate conception. Do you still watch MTV? "Still?" I never did to begin with. Does the person you like know you like them? I make it pretty obvious. If you're dating someone how long have you been together? 10 months. What’s the longest relationship you have ever been in? 3 1/2 years. Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion? Yes, and I promise you do too. It's not rare. People just don't talk about it because of the stigma. Have you ever kissed in the rain? Yeah. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? He literally spent the night a couple days ago. He's done it in the past too. I've never stayed at his place yet, though. Do you have a bad reputation? I wouldn't know, go ask people I associate with. Have you ever gone through a bad breakup? *performs Sign of the Cross* Has anyone ever used a cheesy pickup line on you? Idk, maybe. Would you ever want a statue made of you? Uh, ew. Has anyone ever called you dumb? Probably at some point. If we're including myself, then yeah that's like, daily. Do you have any cats? We have one. <3 Sometimes I want one more, but more often I'm content with just Roman, especially considering he would get out-of-this-fuckin'-world jealous. Have you broken anyone's heart? I don't know. Jason chopped me off and out of his life like a gangrenous limb, completely and entirely ceasing contact that I really don't have any way of knowing exactly how the breakup affected him. Tyler ACTED like I broke his heart after two fucking weeks when I can absolutely assure you I did not. He just had insane attachment problems. God I'm glad I said "fuck this, I'm out" when I did. What’s the craziest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? I've only ever heard one, which was basically that Jason and I magically had a baby over one summer. It was started by his ex, who had a grudge against me even BEFORE we dated, and she clearly did not think this shit through considering I was very slim in high school and clearly NOT pregnant at any point. Anyway, I'm friends with this person now. Things sure do change, haha. What’s the coolest name you’ve ever heard someone have? Ohhhh let's see... Well, I did have a friend named Journee (like "Journey") which I always thought was a beautiful, brilliant name for a person just going through and experiencing life. I am sadly 90% sure though she committed suicide because of something very serious she was dealing with at way too young of an age. No one should go through what she did, but never mind a child. She confided in me a lot, and during our last few messages, she was saying some concerning things and then just disappeared, permanently. What’s your least favorite genre of music and why? Rap, probably. I just don't like what is typically sung about and just the whole style of it. There are rap songs I love, but in general it's just not for me. What did you last complain about? I actually don't know. Did you ever like nursery rhymes as a child? What was your favorite? I did. I remember liking "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" as well as that "This Little Piggy" one, whatever its proper name is, because it involved Mom tickling me. What do you usually purchase at gas stations? (aside from gas of course) If I get anything, it's likely to be a certain flavor of Mountain Dew, and then I'll sometimes get a sort of candy. Do you drink regular or diet soda? Only regular. The artificial sweetener in diet sodas gives me a headache, but diet is also just gross imo. What’s one of your favorite artists/bands, and least favorite song from them? All right let's go with Ozzy. There are a few of his songs I'm just sorta "meh" about, but if I remember it correctly, I believe I wasn't into "Diary of a Madman" at all. Have you ever seen them live? Bitch I would cry lmao. I would LOVE to see Ozzy, especially with it being so clear he's in his twilight years with all the health issues he's been fighting. Seeing Ozzy live would without a goddamn doubt be a very strong highlight of my life. Mom and I actually WERE planning on seeing him, all the way in Charlotte, but then that tour had to be cancelled due to the arrival of health problems. Can't say I know if he's planning another, but I would think so with a new album in the future. Do you consider graffiti to be true art or just messy? I mean, it can be both. Depends on where it's at, the content itself, everything. What last overwhelmed you? In a recent survey I mentioned that I don't know what really qualifies as sensory overload, but dear god I think I experienced it at Girt's place when Mom and I went there for an early 4th celebration. SO many people were talking about different things and I was trying to be aware and listen to everyone, but it just wasn't possible. I was so overstimulated with all the noise that I literally didn't even process what my mom was eventually saying directly to me; like I just stared at her blankly and had to come back to just me and her to understand anything. What did you last watch on TV? Girt and I were watching a Five Nights at Freddy's: Security Breach speedrun via YouTube on the TV the other night. We were curious because of the insane amount of glitches in that game how fast you could really do it. Do you know anyone who keeps a Christmas tree up year round? I mean I might, but not that I know of. What’s the strangest video you’ve ever seen? Oh brother, who knows, I've been on the Internet too long. Though I will say I actually haven't seen like... *any* of the notoriously gross and/or shocking videos because I cherish my eyes. They suck, but I cherish them lmao. Have you ever received a present that made you cry? Oh jeez, that's easy to do. Do you know of any haunted buildings in your town? No. I know of a location with false origins that portray it as haunted, but it's just literally not true. What’s the most random song on your playlist that people wouldn’t expect? HAHA at Girt's place, Mom was VERY surprised to learn Brittney Spears is on my iPod lmaooo. When did you last receive a business card from somebody? I haven't the slightest idea. Would you try that Flaming Hot Mountain Dew? ... I do wanna try it... lmaooo. I love both so I mean... leave me alone, haha. When it was first revealed, all the reactions made me feel horrible about myself, ahaha. Do you own any adult coloring books? Yeah, somewhere. What did you last draw or write down? Uh, probably my signature. Have you ever played pinball on a machine or just online? I've played it on machines before. Have you ever had a bad sunburn? I once had sunburn so bad it was actually sun poisoning. It was fucking excruciating.
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sodalitefully · 4 years ago
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Enter freely and of your own will [GNR, Sluff AU]
I know, I know, I've written vampire AUs before… Several times.  But I had to write something about what a nerd Slash is for vampire fiction!  Mostly inspired by interviews Slash gave after gnr covered Sympathy For The Devil for Interview With A Vampire (so any digs at the movie adaptation are based on Slash’s opinion, not mine – I’ve never seen it!).  Occasional mentions of blood and stuff, but not particularly graphic.  This fic is expanding on an AU I originally drew here.
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In my mind, it all played out like the plot of a paranormal romance novel.  I’ve gotten familiar with those lately, thanks to the collection hidden in the bottom shelves of Slash’s library, buried below the gothic horror classics, the crime thrillers, and about a mountain of nonfiction.  Hell, I could probably write my own!  “Tall blonde unexpectedly falls for rock and roll bad boy with a dark secret,” yeah, the readers would eat that up.  Of course, our love story didn’t really start when the unsuspecting protagonist moved to a new city, or when the leather-clad love interest showed off his supernatural shredding skills.  No, I’d say it started a couple years later, when I found out Slash’s other deep, dark, embarrassing secret.   
It wasn’t a dark and stormy night… but it was a movie night at my place, a tradition for Slash and I.  Whenever we needed a break from the so-called rockstar lifestyle, we’d get together for a night in, smoke some pot and put on a movie. Slash laid back on my couch while I dug through a cabinet packed with VHS tapes and listed off a few options: 
“Let’s see, we have Jurassic Park, Alien, Interview With a Vampire – Uh, sorry, I guess that would be weird huh?”  Slash made a sour face. 
“Ugh.  I hate that movie, it’s such a bad adaptation. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, seriously?” 
“Wait,” I dropped The Empire Strikes Back and Blazing Saddles onto the growing heap of tapes and sat back on my heels to look at Slash in surprise. "You’ve seen it before?” 
“Uh…” Vampires may not be able to blush but I'd known Slash long enough to tell when he’s flustered.   
“And you’ve read the book?” 
“… Yes?”  I laughed, Slash ducked and hid his face, obviously feeling self-conscious, but I didn’t mean to laugh at him.  It was just… 
I’d assumed that a real-life vampire would roll their eyes at the cliche, over-romanticized movie interpretations of their kind.  Instead, I learned of Slash’s (nearly) indiscriminate love for all things vampire, anything from Carmilla to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  He was a sucker (hah, get it?) for dripping fangs, swishing capes, even those crazy accents, ever since he was a kid.  And I can’t lie, it was pretty endearing.  I wasn’t in love with him yet, but the more he told me about his obsession, the more warm and tingly I felt, charmed by how genuine he was – Hell, I barely even teased him about it!  Somehow, that conversation felt even more personal than finding out he was a damn vampire.  I was really touched that he felt comfortable sharing his interests with me, that he trusted me with his softer, nerdier, more romantic side.   
I resisted the temptation to press for more details that night, but a month or so later, I caught him in the act!  I remember waking up in the afternoon after crashing at his place so late it was early the night before.  I wandered around his big, spooky house until I found Slash curled up in one of his fancy antique armchairs, his legs dangling over the armrest and a paperback book cradled in his lap.  I couldn’t make out the curlicued script on the cover, but from the captivated look on his face it was a favorite – his eyes were bright as they darted across the page, and his lips curled into a warm, gentle smile. 
I couldn’t stand to disturb him, so I snuck off before he noticed me in the doorway, and headed down the hall to the room he’d transformed into a tiny library – The man had a library in his house; between that and the subtly gothic decor it was hard to believe I never noticed that Slash was playing up the vampire aesthetic, consciously or not!  Anyway, I poked around until I found where he hid his collection of vampire lit, and snatched a few that were, shall we say, not quite as acclaimed as Dracula or even The Vampire Chronicles.  I don’t remember the titles, but there were a couple paperback romances and a horror novel with a badass-looking dude on the cover. 
I had to see what all the fuss was about, you know?  Yeah, this kind of thing wasn’t exactly up my alley, but Slash usually had good taste, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to check it out.  Plus, if it was important to Slash, I wanted to know about it!  And not just the well-known classics either; I wanted the guilty pleasures, I wanted to see what it was that could make Slash smile like that when no one was watching. 
I’ll be honest, it wasn’t bad.  I wasn’t a big reader at the time, but I raced through the horror novel in just two days, and trust me, I barely slept the night in between!  The trashy romance was more enjoyable than I would ever admit; even with all the cliches and melodrama there was something compelling about unraveling the tangled web of forbidden love in a world full of the supernatural. 
At this point, I was very cautiously beginning to entertain the idea that I might see Slash as more than just a buddy and a bandmate.  As friends, were were closer than ever, hardly spent a day apart, and I was beginning to notice things that I hadn’t noticed before.  Things like the way he always smiled at my lame jokes, the way he leaned on my shoulder when he was pretending to be drunk, the way he tossed his hair on stage… And I couldn’t help wondering whether Slash identified more with the heroine or the love interest.  Did he want to be the cool, mysterious vampire lover, or the unsuspecting protagonist who gets drawn into an alluring new world? 
I got my answer a couple months later, in town again after a leg on the road. It was a steaming hot summer day back in L.A., and Slash was dozing on his couch. This wasn’t unusual in and of itself, Slash’s sleep schedule had been fucked for as long as I'd known him. No, what made this instance significant was that I was also on the couch, reclined with my feet over the armrest and Slash draped across my chest. Tales From The Crypt played at a murmur on a brand-new TV set, but I wasn’t paying any attention. 
See, at this point I’d recently learned that, when Slash focused hard enough, he could hear a living person’s blood pulsing in their veins and detect changes in body temperature.  And that had me wondering: Could he tell that my heart beat faster when he leaned against me on stage?  Could he tell that my ears got warm every time he turned a smile my way? 
Could he tell how much I was affected by his weight on top of me?   
He was like a huge cat in my lap, relaxed from head to toe.  If you paid attention, you could tell that he was breathing more slowly that an ordinary human should be and his bare skin was slightly cool.  Other than that he looked completely normal… Except for his teeth.  His mouth was slightly open, allowing his pointed, knife-sharp teeth to scrape against his lower lip. 
To Slash’s chagrin, they weren't gleaming white, perfectly straight fangs; instead they more closely resembled a shark’s jaw, crowded with small flesh-tearing blades.  It was rare to see them exposed, Slash was careful to limit himself to tight-lipped smiles and mumbled dialogue whenever his secret was at risk. Even in private he was self-conscious about it, and I considered myself lucky when he grinned openly in my presence. 
“Hey, Slash?”   
“…Hmm?” Languidly, he shifted until he was looking up at me.  Midafternoon sun leaked through the blinds brightly enough for me to make out a hint of red in his eyes, the other (un)dead giveaway that was usually obscured by his sedately lidded gaze.   
"You know how you said the other day that you have really strong senses? Well... I was wondering what other, uh, non-human traits you have. How true are the myths about vampires, really?” 
“Well… Hm.  My eyes are pretty sensitive to daylight.  And technically I’m nocturnal.  But I don’t have fangs, I don’t really look like a vampire and I don’t have superpowers.” I swear to god, he pouted a little.  "All things considered I didn’t really get any of the cool stuff." 
“No super-strength?  Or mind reading? Can you shapeshift into a bat?” 
“Don’t you think I’d tell you if I could turn into a bat?  At least I don’t have any of those stupid weaknesses, I can be in the sun and eat garlic and whatever.” He paused ponderously. “…You know, I might be immortal, I was around a long time before Tony and Ola took me in.  Guess I’ll find out in a few decades.” 
“That would be pretty cool.” 
“Yeah, maybe." 
“So... do you enthrall your victims?” I prodded, in a spooky, menacing voice belied by my goofy grin. 
Slash snorted a laugh and shook his head at my antics. “No, I can’t do that either.  Well, I don’t know, do you feel enthralled?” 
I laughed awkwardly and counted my blessings when Slash didn't notice that my unspoken answer was an empathetic Yes. 
Slash chuckled with me, then sighed.  “Fuck, I wish vampires like that were real, though…” he confessed softly. 
“Like what?” 
“You know, badass, seductive, awesome powers…” He waved a hand toward a pinup poster on the wall with a corset and fangs, then let his head fall back to my chest.  He mumbled into my shirt, “Is it really so much to ask for a sexy vampire to come and sweep me off my feet?” 
“Slash, I hate to tell you this, but…” I couldn’t make it through the sentence with a straight face. 
He swatted my bicep – pretty hard too, was he sure he didn’t have super-strength? “Fuck you, Duff, you know what I mean." 
And, yeah, dreaming of being wooed by a beautiful, badass, intelligent and darkly mysterious vampire?  Who appeared in my life and changed it forever, who blew me away with his capability and his passion?  Who could captivate me with just a look? 
Yeah. Believe me, I could relate.
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Happy Halloween! 
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