#wanna be first in line for me shitposts and that’s all I want from this website

[samwisefamgee]

Been planning on deleting for ages now but some big blog messaged me over something pathetic recently and I refuse to let them think they have anything to do with this page’s death

[vaaaaaiolet]

You take it upon yourself to spice up your husband's work lunches at Rebecca's encouragement, and Leon nearly dies in the process. Is Hello Kitty really a killer? Leon, for one, is convinced she's up to no good.

f / m, you're married to older leon!, crack treated seriously, fluff, slice of life, the dso is just one big happy family because i said so, bento boxes and happy ending but maybe not for chris (i still love my peanut buster king)

word count: 1.4k // read on ao3

a/n: inspired by rrcherrypie's hello kitty bento box video that i watched religiously as a kid. this entire fic is a shitpost tbh LMAO this is my government mandated apology for a story where no one goes anywhere <3 go check it out if you haven't yet!

Ever since his cop days, Leon’s learned that you can’t trust anyone whose hands aren’t in plain sight and well, Hello Kitty’s emblazoned face staring up at him from the kitchen counter doesn’t exactly have hands. Or arms.

Leon scrunches his nose at her and opts to wrap his own arms around your waist instead.

“Doll.”

“Hm?” 

Leon lines the side of your neck with kisses as carrot coins and cucumber slices fall serenely away at your knife. 

“Whatcha doin’?” he prods.

You neatly sweep the vegetables into the Hello Kitty bento box and give your attention-hungry husband a kiss to tide him over, but it’s not quite enough to satiate. Octopus sausages stare back at him with pointy sesame seed eyes, and Leon grows more unsettled by the minute.

He’s done playing nice; gives your hip a pinch. “Come on, you’re killing me here. What’s with all the arts and crafts?”

“Now, before you say anything,” your voice is soft and placating and giving him all the more reason to worry, "‘Becca came by to visit me the other day and said she really liked what I made you for lunch last week.”

“So this is for her?” Leon breathes a sigh of relief. He was starting to thin-

“No, this is for you, silly!”

And you laugh like it’s funny.

“I thought I should start putting in some more effort into your food. You’re away for work so often, and I don’t get to make you nice things as much as I want to.”

Leon chokes a little and looks back down at Hello Kitty’s gleaming metal face. “This is…what I’m taking to work?”

Your face falls. “What, you don’t like it?”

“No, doll, it looks delicious but…you really didn’t have to go all out. Your sandwiches are just fine. I don’t wanna give you the trouble, y’know?” 

“No trouble at all, baby,” you practically sing the words as you twirl to add your knife to a precarious tower of dishes in the sink, “you just say the word, and I can make you bento boxes every week.”

Every week?

You cup a soapy palm to Leon’s cheek as his gaze descends into a thousand-yard stare to rival Hello Kitty’s. “I think your friends might even be excited about your lunch now!”

Oh, absolutely. Chris was going to have a field day.

Chris completely loses his shit as predicted.

“Oh, Leon, it’s adorable,” Rebecca chimes in hopefully as Chris coughs into his fist, “you should have seen how excited she was when I gave her the box!”

The frustrated ceramic click of Leon’s teeth is somehow audible over Chris’ uncivilized howling. “So this was your idea?”

She gives him a sheepish chuckle.

“Rebecca, I thought we were friends,” he pleads as he picks up his metal fork. The team hovers over Leon’s shoulders like vultures to eye what his wife’s made him for lunch. 

To your credit, it’s a mealtime Michelangelo. There are Sanrio-themed rice balls of both the brown and white variety, vegetables neatly cut and festooned with animal picks, a beautifully folded omelet, and the ever omniscient octopus sausages. Hello Kitty’s metal face guards the entire hoard like a gargoyle. It’s enough to make Leon lose his lunch, but he’d have to have some first to cough it up.

He gives the octopus a tentative poke.

“Seriously, Leon, just man up and eat the damn thing.” Jill takes no nonsense as usual, plucking a carrot from the bed of lettuce and tossing it into her mouth. “Chris is just salty he’s having his fifth protein shake lunch of the week.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

It’s never quiet with those two around, but Rebecca gives him an encouraging smile as he gives the octopus a chew. It’s not bad, really. It’s just something about eating something with ey-

Rapid alarm beeps in the main compound snap the team’s attention away from the bento box affair and towards the map in the middle. Rebecca shoots off in her rolling chair to pull up what’s alerting the alarm system, and Hunnigan’s business voice projects into Leon’s earpiece.

“I hope you’ve had a satisfying lunch.” 

He wonders if Hunnigan ever eats as he shoves his bento box into the breast pocket of his leather jacket. 

She, however, is unconcerned. “You’re going to need the energy for the incident we’ve just gotten wind of downtown.”

The situation was supposed to be minor. There were rumors of King Tut’s Curse swirling amongst the museum staff after a rare shipment of Egyptian artifacts, but nobody had taken anything seriously until a janitor walked into the storage room and came back out more dead than alive. Things escalated after the infected janitor wandered into the World War II exhibit and bit the cleaning team there. The staff was horrified, the media was unhelpfully broadcasting the entire thing on live TV, and the DSO had blessedly quieted the whole thing down on that end before directing the case to Leon’s team as a classic T-virus takedown operation.

Easy as pie. Except the undead cleaning crew had gotten ahold of loaded World War II guns, you know, for historical accuracy. 

It’s a cinch for the most part to evacuate the visitors from the museum. Leon ushers terrified middle schoolers out of the exhibits as fast as he can while the rest of his team rounds up the infected, and it’s a routine sweep. He just feels bad for the kiddos.

“But what about the gift sho- AHH!! ” Leon whirls around to see an Infected point a knife bayonet into a terrified sixth-grader’s face. The zombie’s finger pulls back the trigger almost cinematically, and Leon’s not stupid. He’s going to be too late.

The gun fires.

It fires a round directly into his left shoulder as he shoves the kid to safety.

Leon collapses on the ground after shooting the zombie’s head to bits, but his shoulder aches something fierce. Oh God, not again, this time he hasn’t even got Ada to patch him up. He gingerly presses two fingers to the wound and pulls them away to inspect the warm spill of blood, but surprisingly, his fingers come away clean. 

Jill comes running up as he stumbles to his feet. The last of the Infected have been wiped out, she explains frantically, pulling out a roll of gauze, and everything’s secure, but suddenly she stops to peer at his spotless bullet wound.

So it’s not just him. There was definitely a shot, and his shoulder definitely hurts like a bitch. 

But where was the bullet?

You’re chewing your nails down to the quick when Leon walks into the living room later that evening. The quiet shuffle of his shoes falling onto the stand prompts you to smother in him a warm, bakery-scented hug and take him by surprise, but he squeezes you back as much as his shoulder allows.

You sniffle into his leather-clad chest. “I’m so sorry, baby, I just- I saw the news before they stopped the broadcast and I can’t believe they sent you to deal with the riot!”

So that’s what Hunnigan fed the press this time. Practical as always.

“I can’t believe I made you go to work with that stupid lunch,” you carry on, gasping as you spot the bandage peeking through his jacket, “you didn’t like it and you could have died, I’m never-”

“I’m alright, no biggie.” Leon kisses the top of your head, taking you by the arms and sitting you down next to him on the couch. You furiously wipe a tear off your face.

“It’s not alright, I’m never making you anything you don’t like ever again. That bento box is bad juju. I’m telling Rebecca never to buy anything from that shop from now on.”

Okay, so you finally admit the box is creepy. Leon bites back a laugh. 

“Woah, doll, not so fast. You think it’s the box’s fault I got hurt?”

“What else would it be? Today’s the first time you take it to work, and then you get shot on a regular patrol.” You frown as he pulls the Hello Kitty bento out from inside his jacket. “You brought that thing home?”

He chuckles. “Take a look at it. I’ve got you to thank for saving my life.”

You squint at the tin and realize with a startle that a bullet round is lodged smack dab in the middle of Hello Kitty’s yellow nose. Like a goddamn bullseye.

The lunchbox had taken the brunt of the hit, leaving Leon unscathed.

“Incredible.” you breathe out. 

And he’s inclined to agree.

“So, doll,” Leon grins, “got any leftovers for tomorrow? Chris is a really big fan of the octopus things.”

psst, find more of my work here!

comments and reblogs are very much appreciated <3 take care and i love you!

[gakucchis]

my story about ♡being cyber bullied by the love live fandom even though i didn’t do anything♡

this has nothing to do with obey me and i doubt anyone will read this but.. who wants to know the story about how the whole love live fandom in 2017 was bullying and harassing me?? alright alright calm down everybody if you wanna know sooo badly

my account name for ig back then was dagashimanga/honokasmanjuu. i really just wanted an account to share my love live obsession with and shitpost.

if you were around back then, you remember the most famous love live confessions account on ig and all the DRAMA it came with. like so so much went down there it was hilarious. anyway, i was friends with one of the admins, her user was christmas.eli.

she was like one of my first internet friends. i live in germany and she lived in france, so sometimes we’d talk like the whole night. we were super close.

until… KAYLEE happened.

now, if you were around back then… you know who tf that is!! it was a (presumably) 10-13 year old girl who would have tons of accounts (talking 20+), all very girly and feminine, super pink, etc. she would either wanna be your friend or hate you to death, and often times when you wouldn’t become her friend or wouldn’t do the right thing, she’d hate you, stalk you, harass you, everything. blocking her didn’t work.

so, one day, i was her victim. idk how it started, but something set her off. she harassed me, texted me, created an account called honokasmanjuuu and copied my posts word for word lmao

a few days later, i took a nap and woke up to see my ig BLOWING up. what the hell happened? well, kaylee fabricated a screenshot of the worst thing you could do in the love live fandom: scam someone of their sif account. she sent it to the love live confessions account for awareness, and guess who approved and posted it? my dear christmas.eli!

my account was full of people telling me how horrible i am, how i deserve to die, etc. people found my private, real life account, commenting there, using my pictures and spreading them (mind you i was 14), telling me how ugly i am, how ugly my art is, even photoshopping me on a pig lmao

i texted christmas.eli and told her it was fake and asked her why she would do this to me instead of talking to me first. she absolutely hated me and told me to block her. my irl best friend (to this das mwuah) even tried explaining it to her but she didn’t want to hear any of it. the bullying got so bad, i deactivated any accounts i had ��� it was full on cyber bullying. i couldn’t listen or watch anything love live related because it was so traumatizing at the time.

i created new accounts, where one girl even texted me, and after talking to her she trusted me and felt sorry for me, before also turning on me and telling the confessions account my new user. i quickly deleted the account and started anew, without anyone except my irl friends and like 2-3 mutuals.

funny thing though: my new account actually grew quite a bit, and one day, christmas.eli followed me even. nobody knew who i really was because i kept private information at bay and started using an internet name (which, to this day!!, is ria ♡). and… i actually became her friend again, acting like i was someone else lmao.

she was close with two other girls, all three had big accounts, and one day the other two girls posted a screenshot of my account because i said something along the lines of most men only using male sa victims to minimize female sa victim awareness (which is true!). they called me a sexist who doesn’t care about male sa which is just as bad.. girl where did i say that….. anyway, i was only bullied for a day so ig it’s okay!

if you’ve read this far, wow, congrats. if you know me from back then (dagashimanga, honokasmanjuu, gakucchis and now gakuwucchis (you can follow me, but not very active)) let me know! also let me know if you bullied me too, no hard feelings unless you’re one of the three girls. because then i wish you hell on earth!

[starheirxero]

TSAMS AUs and Designs masterpost

My Lord Eclipse AU, aka "Centiclipse" and "Sunvant"

This AU is, at its core, entirely self-indulgent. I like a character that is scary and tall and has a lot of arms and could kill me. So, naturally, I made Lord Eclipse a little freak and put him into a, like, 50-100 ft long centipede body.

There's no exact story line either, I have a very loose set-up and it can go in any direction at any time as long as I feel like it'd be cool! The only thing I can say for sure is that there is a slow, multi-year long process of Eclipse being loved by all his followers to Eclipse becoming such a shut-in that people doubt if he's even still alive.

You can find the post that started it all here, and everything related to Centiclipse here and everything related to Sunvant here!

It Runs Deeper, aka "no one dies and everyone gets better" AU

OKAY SO LIKE. I don't wanna say too much because this AU does, in fact, have a set story and HOPEFULLY will become a full fanfic someday, but the biggest detail rn is that the canon MOSTLY derails after Eclipse gets the star for the first time. There's changes before that too, since no one dies, but thats where it REALLY changes.

What I will ideally achieve with this story is that I splay every character's heart and soul and brain on the ground for everyone to see and they all have to confront hard and painful truths about themselves and the people around them. Whether they like it or not.

They are my beloveds and I think about them forever <3

Evil Lumini AU

Does this count? I want it to count. Evil Lunar AU except the astral bodies are accounted for and this leads to Lunara and Gemini having constant gayass fights because unfortunately that's the kinda dynamic I love.

The first post me and my mutual made where we tossed around ideas for it is here and pretty much everything else related to it is probably going to be under #evil lunar x gemini. They're fucked up and its wonderful to me ok?

Misc

My Eclipse in a time loop AU that you will only ever hear me talk about in passing through blorbocore reblogs and this post because my mutual asked me.

My silly little Lord Lunar design that is just extremely blatantly Ranni from Elden Ring's outfit slapped onto a different blorbo.

Plus, this old Lord Lunar + Servant Eclipse design I used for a silly Centiclipse shitpost.

And thats all for now I think. good day o7

[confusedwriter404]

Regarding some accusations I have seen and the fact that there are some people on the internet who have no sense of approaching in a passive aggressive way, I figured I should state some rules in delivering criticism since I myself run 2 (not including this one since this was originally created to be a shitposting blog) ask + roleplaying blogs.

Now I would like everyone to know that I have never received such criticisms yet, I just want to give everyone a heads-up, just in case I see some accusations in the middle of an episode I'm having (not beach episode, sadly) which can worsen my situation as it is.

1. Please greet in a respectful manner. Though, you may be conflicted about how I portray and/or create my characters for some reason whatsoever, it is still nice to try and approach in a gentle way. Some people do not take well with a sudden confrontation and have a flight response, causing your criticism to be deleted and ignored. I am one of those people, sadly enough, thanks to social anxiety and possible manifestations of autism. I am able to listen once my brain doesn't interpret you as a threat. I could do it on my own but, again, my brain and instinct makes me think otherwise.

2. Make sure you have a clear understanding of why you are criticizing any creation I have. Every character I have created is always treated like a genuine person and has a piece of myself embedded on them. Every single detail has been researched in order for there to be no offense in a community I am trying to portray. For example, Asmo is an SA survivor (see Silver And Sapphire for further details), and how he survives with that fact has been researched online. I have read every single experience of multiple people who have survived SA and how they turned out as a person now in order to make Asmo feel like a real person, making the viewers feel empathetic for him. Whatever traits my characters have has been researched, so if you see an error with the way I portray such traits, please inform me. If what you are confronting me about isn't a genuine reason for you to send a criticism, it will be deleted and ignored.

3. Do NOT assume my character is something absolutely false. If you say something like "Oh, but Connor is a child!" (he's 18-19. he barely had a childhood because of hunters.) "Asmo is a femboy!" (it's the way he presents himself as a person. also, no.) "You said Lucifer was AroAce but why does he keep acting like he loves Heather?" (ever heard of platonic love? do you love your friends so much you wanna make sure they're okay without feeling like you're romantically in love with them?) or something along those lines, please PLEASE try and see how I portray them again and try to understand it from my point of view. Any comparisons with any stereotypical portrayal or a character in media will not be taken as a criticism. People can be fluid and act differently from each other.

4. NEVER try and be insensitive to feelings. I've seen this happen with one critic and they had completely disregarded a creator's feelings with using "YAYY!!" during an argument and honestly, it can make the creator and the witnesses feel conflicted. I understand you are excited and that you are finally glad that the other party understands why you did the confrontation in the first place but for the love of all that's good, act professional. Confrontations are done in a professional manner, so if I see any critics being insensitive to how serious the situation is in the matter, I will block you and disregard your criticism no questions asked.

That's all for now. Please feel free to ask any questions regarding this post or even request some more rules.

You may reblog this post in order for your own followers to know you also have rules like these. Thank you for your time.

[monitionem]

The light coming from the relic flickered in the eyes of Apple, stunning them. They froze up just as Zachariah grabbed onto the front of their cape. The High Priest yanking them forwards towards him, the crazed look on his face terrifying the poor Lord. Being met with a situation such as this, they had no idea what to do. "Listen to me!" The man spoke, his voice raising in volume as his voice cracked and he hissed out with venom laced into his tone. "You dare pass up on the power I could have given you, that we could have had? What do you think a lowly Lord such as yourself could possibly aim with the lack ambition that would inevitably be your doom?! What is peace without the presence of disaster to balance out your foolishness!"

Apple stood, unable to move an inch from the priest's grasp, though they were much stronger. The fear of harming him was greater, their hand shaking. There was too much happening, with the lack of presence from Gael, they had no idea what to do. But rather than falling to their knees, they instead kept their balance. Listening to him, instead of blocking his words out. "Do you not understand? I chased you thinking that your running was not of your own cowardice, but it appears I have thought too highly of you. Thinking this was part of an elaborate plan!" Truly, Apple didn't wish for things to escalate to such an extent. Their running from the High Priest from village to village was a vain attempt to escape the clutches of what otherwise would be an unhappy commitment, a bond between two separate people with a thin line of rope, easily cut. One that their own people would plead for the freedom of not their land, but their Lord. "The people who rever to you, the rumors that has spread across the oceans to even reach not only my noble brothers and fathers, but to me as well? I thought the Lord of Iganvi was a man of power, A Lady of great mind and prowess, but to my shock they turn out to be a child from the lands of nowhere, stumbling aimlessly with the guidance of my blind kin?"

Each word was like a dagger chipping away at their heart. Their fists tighten into balls, one hand reaching for their sword, but their heart and mind scream that they must not harm despite their instincts crying for them to protect themselves. Their eyes burned with tears. Why? What right do they have to oblige to answering the hateful insults this man would give to him? When all he spoke was the truth? Yet, a spark of determination within them would yell otherwise, that they would learn from this. Learn from being pained by him.

When they gathered themselves, they saw in the corner of their eyes, blonde hair swaying with each swift movement, Gael. Their eyes turning wider when a flash of light shone the moment he unsheathed his blade, raising the sharp metal to strike at his own brother. At that moment, that would be the first time the young Lord would feel the unforgiving clutches of guilt. ____ (Some random interaction that I wanted to write, idk if I want to actually write down my entire remake down and post it to Ao3, but I do wanna show more content of them instead of just shitposts lmao) Again, really bad english sobb

[eris-rose]

How Delaying the Instrumentals in Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" Makes the Song Even Better

And now for something completely different.

I'm not exactly a Swiftie, but I have a passing respect for Taylor Swift as an artist. I generally enjoy when her songs come on during a dance or on the radio. However, I really like "Blank Space" specifically, and it's the only one of her songs I actually have on my playlist. I love the cold-sounding yet beautiful production, the evocative lyrics, and Taylor's outfits in the music video.

However, yesterday when I was mindlessly browsing YouTube, I came across the Grammy-winning masterpiece "Blank Space - Taylor Swift but the instrumentals is 15 seconds delayed" by YouTuber "who are they?" This deceptively simple shitpost accidentally turned a solid 9/10 song for me into a 10/10, and I encourage you all to listen to it now:

In this version of Blank Space, the song becomes more disturbing and stands out more due to the unconventional structure of the music. The simple editing choice to delay the instrumentals by 15 seconds changes the tone of multiple parts of the song in very interesting ways.

First, the beginning of the song is now a cappella. Instead of starting off with the cold music production like the original, the song laser-focuses on Taylor's excellent lyrics and performance immediately, immediately throwing the listener into the narrative of the song. Then, when the instrumentals finally come in on the "love's a game, wanna play" line, they make more of an impact and kick the song into high gear.

Then, for a while, the song mostly sounds the same. One thing you notice when watching this video is that each verse of Blank Space is around 15 seconds long, so the song stays on beat even when the timing of the instrumentals coming is altered.

Then, after the first chorus is done, the song changes. Instead of the music cutting out on "I'll write your name," the instrumentals keep going. The gap between verses feels hypnotic, as the music continues its crescendo and keeps you drawn in. Then when Taylor starts singing again, the music keeps building until it climaxes on "for a month." This might seem like an odd choice (well, "choice"), but I like it because it's the first time Blank!Taylor actually starts to mess with her lover's head. For the whole song up to this point, Taylor has worn her toxicity on her sleeve, but has played it as alluring and attractive. However, when she sings "be that girl for a month," the music cutting out almost makes it feel like an accusation, like she's saying her lover is a womanizer. This is Blank!Taylor gaslighting him, because she is obviously the one who's treating her lovers like objects (a...man-izer?) in this situation. Then, when the old beat from the beginning of the song comes back on "wait, the worst is yet to come," it becomes even more of a turning point in the song's tone than it was originally. Then, the song sounds normal again for a little while until we get the best part of this version of Blank Space: the bridge.

Now, the lyric "boys only want love if it's torture" takes place in a climax of the instrumentation, as opposed to the music cutting out like in the original song. This is the part in the narrative where Blank!Taylor's mask finally slides all the way off. It's no longer "she's crazy, and that's hot," it's "oh fuck, she's just crazy." However, in this version of Blank Space, the instrumentation in the bridge feels like it's drowning you. Her mask is off, but her lover is still trapped, still a target of her sadism. The contrast between the beautiful music and singing and the ugliness of what she's actually saying makes for a very disquieting experience.

Now, the music cuts out on the post-chorus instead of the bridge. I don't really have a specific reason for why this is good, I just like the way it sounds.

And finally, at the end of the song, the music continues after Taylor is done singing. Again, it's hypnotic and satisfying to listen to. However, at the end, something odd happens. In the original song, the music cuts out on the very last line of the song. However, now that Taylor has finished her singing early, Blank Space is missing that last note, and ends very abruptly.

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the end of this version of the song is "I need to listen to this song again right the fuck now."

This is a music trick I like to call the "Kanaria effect" (there's probably an actual name for it but I'm using references to musicians I already know). Kanaria is a Vocaloid producer and one of my favorite music artists, and he does the same thing in many of his songs, such as his most popular one, "KING."

Both KING and this version of Blank Space abruptly end their instrumentation after the lyrics are complete. While the actual narrative of the songs have been completed, the music ending in this way leaves the listener hanging and makes them want to listen to it again. Kanaria's music is really addicting because of this (it was pretty much the only thing I listened to for a month or so). I don't think every song would be improved by ending their music abruptly, but in the case of "Blank Space," it fits the disquieting atmosphere of the song very well. It's like Blank!Taylor swift is messing with your head too.

Anyways, that's the end of my weird little rant. Please tell me I'm not insane and other people notice this stuff too.

[heavencasteel420]

I was feeling a bit stuck on my main WIPs, so for fun I wrote a couple of lines/paragraphs for each of my other story ideas (the proper ones where I have a general sense of the story's shape, not the shitpost ideas like "Chrissy turns into a car?"). Here are the ones for my Dysfunctional/Dark/Super-Dark story ideas--they are generally grodier so proceed with caution):

Dysfunctional

Chiaroscuro (teen noir story)

Although he'd already known her peripherally, as Will's friend's older sister, Jonathan had learned plenty of new things about editor-in-chief Nancy Wheeler since he'd started taking photographs for the school paper. She was ambitious, always fighting to include articles that weren't just summaries of various basketball games and dances. She wouldn't back down from a fight, as a contingent of the PTA had learned when they'd pitched a fit over an anti-nukes editiorial. She'd make her displeasure known if one of the staff turned in late or sloppy work, a trait that had earned the dislike of the sillier girls and the guys who resented that she'd gotten the position in the first place. She preferred nonfiction to fiction, drank medically concerning amounts of Tab, and always asked after Mom and Will.

But, for the purposes of this conversation, two facts were particularly important: that she didn't gossip, and that she'd almost certainly had sex.

How Well I Remember (Jonathan/Jason, post-S1)

If it were just a crazy mom and her not-missing-anymore kid, Jason would round up a bunch of the guys to help fix up the house, but he can't exactly do that when Tommy Hagan, a junior, runs his mouth about psycho-perv Jonathan Byers every time Steve Harrington turns his back. Besides, Jason wouldn't want to embarrass him by bringing people from the same school to see his messed-up house and weird family. Most important, though, charity vaunteth not itself. It's better--more Christian--for Jason to do the right thing without an audience.

The Sin Eater's Prom Date (Jonathan/Chrissy, context is that Jonathan's the one who got taken to the UD in S1 and it made his weird reputation even weirder)

"You could ask Mrs. Sullivan to let you switch lab partners," Jason says. "No one would blame you." Chrissy pulls her imagination away from Jonathan's long, nimble fingers, meticulously dissecting the formaldehyde frog while she took notes. She has to admit that Jason's right. Mrs. Sullivan might protest, but only because making other arrangements for Jonathan could require dealing with him directly. Although she never says anything, her foundation-caked face goes all tight whenever she looks at him. "What if no one wants to switch?" she asks, fiddling with the drawstring of her jacket. "I'd feel awful." "There are probably some burnouts who wouldn't mind," he assures her. Before Chrissy can point out that there aren't many burnouts because it's an honors class, he frowns. "Mrs. Sullivan probably picked you because you're too nice. It's not appropriate."

Silver Threads and Golden Needles (garbage fire Stoncy, post-S1, alcohol mention)

In the dead week between Christmas and New Year's, Steve shows up on his doorstep with a bottle of vodka. It's been three weeks since he and Nancy got back together (a development that Jonathan noted with dismay but no real surprise) and almost two months since the last time he came knocking. He's quieter this time and, thank God, because it's ten-thirty and Mom and Will are both asleep. "You wanna go for a ride?" Steve asks. Jonathan weighs the possibility that Steve has decided to murder him (or, at least, arrange a less-fair rematch of their alley fight) against the awkwardness of having the do-you-want-to-kill-me conversation. "Okay," he says with a shrug. "Let me grab my jacket."

The Teeth of the Hydra upon You (Nancy/Chrissy, AU S2 where Jonathan moved to Maine, alcohol and vomiting)

Suddenly Steve is gone, and in his place is a pink-cheeked, strawberry blonde angel. "You look like Holly Hobby," Nancy informs her woozily. "My sister's name is Holly." Then she retches, and the angel guides her over to the toilets and smooths her hair back while he pukes. Her hands are cool and soft on Nancy's skin.

Dark

I Need Noise (Billy/Jonathan, S2 albeit with slightly different timeline just for logistical purposes, tw for Billy being gross and sexist and fatphobic below)

Billy's been in Hawkins for a couple of weeks, and he's so fucking bored. He knows exactly which girls are going to put out and, of those girls, he knows who's going to be content with screwing and who's angling to be his girlfriend. The pussy pool is shallow whether or not he's willing to publicly hold hands in exchange for a regular fuck, and he can see himself drifting into some depressing situation with Misty Carpenter, the one girl he's managed to finger so far. She's already maneuvered him into taking her to KFC once--not that she needs it, with her porky thighs--so a part of him thinks he might as well give up and focus his efforts on getting her to blow him. Another part of him, though, is almost glad that Neil made him play chauffeur for Max tonight. He'd rather be hanging out in the arcade parking lot, smoking a cigarette while the ungrateful bitch keeps him waiting, than have to make nice with Misty's friends at some dumb hick party at the quarry.

Catch Me When You Can (Eddie/Jonathan, sad AU--kind of a Tonight, Tonight redux/remix--where no one finds out about the UD, Will appears to be dead, Joyce has a mental breakdown and is institutionalized, Lonnie returns to Hawkins to stay with Jonathan, and Jonathan copes with the situation by abusing black-market painkillers that he buys from Eddie and also hooking up with Eddie--the context is a near-fatal, mostly accidental overdose):

For once, Eddie feels lucky to be poor. If he or Wayne had anything of value, Lonnie Byers would take them for all they were worth. Instead, he shows up at the trailer and reams Wayne out while Eddie hides in his bedroom and pretends not to be home. Wayne is mild, even gracious. He doesn't call Lonnie a hypocrite or a shitty excuse for a father, like Eddie longs to do. Instead, he agrees that Lonnie has every reason to be upset. He expresses his regrets (in a non-specific way that won't give Lonnie ammunitions) and asks after Jonathan. Eventually, Lonnie runs out of steam and sighs. "I should press charges," he says. "Hawkins PD is already gunning for your boy. He needs to watch his step." "Thank you," Wayne says, as though Lonnie has provided him with new and valuable information. He lets a few seconds pass before adding, "Probably easier for your boy, too, the sooner this all gets settled." If Lonnie hears this as a threat--if he understands that Wayne really means it'll be easier on Lonnie--his voice doesn't show it. "Yeah," he says. "Jesus. What a mess."

Super-Dark

Everybody Loves Me But You (post-S1 AU where Steve becomes more evil instead of reforming, tw for his gross/violent thoughts)

After the fight, Steve makes two promises to himself. First, that he'll never take Nancy Wheeler back, not even if she falls on her knees and begs him to let her make it up to him. Second, that he'll smash Byers's head into the concrete if he ever catches him creeping around his backyard again. These promises turn out to be easy to keep. Nancy doesn't even look at him at school on Monday, let alone plead with him for a second chance. And, no matter how often Steve checks the woods behind his house, armed with a Louisville Slugger, Byers never shows. He's glad, of course. Despite the fantasy he's built up in his head, he knows that rejecting Nancy, however publicly, would leave him feeling flat. No matter how many people saw her name on the theater marquee, it can't undo the image of Byers embracing her on her bed. Steve's always going to be the idiot who worried about her while she was out humiliating him. And of course he doesn't want Byers anywhere near him.

In the Night, but There's No One (this one's such a bummer that I'm not even getting into it)

"Look, you've told me a lot about Nancy, and she sounds great," Argyle says. His big hand comes to rest between Jonathan's shoulder blades, an island of warmth in a sea of cold dread. "But I don't actually know her. You're my best friend, man. I'm on your side." You wouldn't be, if you knew, Jonathan thinks, although the truth is that he has no reference for what anyone would think. He can't speak, anyway, around the block of ice in his throat. "I just don't get when it would've happened," Argyle continues. "No offense, dude, but you don't really hang out with anyone but me."

[grimzeyblogs]

i feel personally attacked by a game where you have sex with cans [lighthearted]

[hua-fei-hua]

be my friend. join the council jury that screens my shitposts.

[whereintheworldisspencerreid]

crazy lines from random things

i’ve had this list sitting in my notes for quite a while so i decided to finally share it

“i wanna solve the world, i think i need your help. she texts me. how you gone trust somebody when you don’t trust yourself.” Donald Glover, Life: The Biggest Troll

“God may judge you, but his sins outnumber your own.” tumblr user afabbaeddel

“I am a monument to all your sins.” Halo

“‘I’ll do whatever you want.’ ‘Then perish.’” Obama Hewwo RP

“Violence for violence is the rule of beast.” Obama from someone’s dream

“To become God is the loneliest achievement of them all.” Obama from Tumblr user twofingerswiskey’s mom’s dream

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.” Fallout New Vegas RPG

“If the world choses to become my enemy, I will fight just like I always have.” Shadow the Hedgehog

“I will face God and walk backwards into hell.” Twitter user @drill

“All knowledge is based on that which we cannot prove. Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?” Mickey Mouse comic edit

“Do you think Gods stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created?” Spykids 

“What is better, to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?” Skyrim, Paarthurnax

“Pick a god and pray.” Fredrick, Fire Emblem Awakening

“Tonight you spoke with the devil, the devil looked like you.” Shitpost on Tumblr

“You cant kill me in a way that matters.” Tumblr user Personable

“One day you’ll decompose and I’ll be there to watch it happen.” Tumblr user turning-tested

“All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.” Blade Runner 

“You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature.” Tumblr user Lucentgallivanter

“When my prayers to God were met with indifference I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance.” Lin Manuel Miranda, Hamilton

“We used to say “I love you” now we only think that shit.” Donald Glover, Outside

“Barack Obama is scared of me! Because I don't swallow knowledge and I spit it for free.” Dean Pelton, Community

“Only bear your teeth if you’re willing to get blood on them.” Obama from Tumblr user atlantis-is-burning’s dream

“sometimes a cigar is just a smoke and a story is just a story” stephen king, 11/22/63

“i hosted parties and starved my body like i’d be saved by a perfect kiss.” you’re on your own, kid, taylor swift

“living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts. give me back my girlhood it was mine first.” would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, taylor swift

“so i watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep and i feel you forget me like i used to feel you breath.” last kiss, taylor swift

[girlbossdean]

tag time <3

hii besties i was tagged by rain @queerstudiesnatural and rye @believerinsamwinchester

rules: answer these questions and tag some blogs you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

name: alexa

star sign: scorpio babyyy (also gemini rising and sagittarius moon)

height: 5'3 / 1.63 m

time: 19:30

birthday: Nov 11th put it in your calendar besties i expect attention <3

favourite bands/artists: i am horrible at choosing favorites but taylor swift, abba, lil nas x, maisie peters, dua lipa, marina, halsey, megan thee stallion, madeline juno, olivia rodrigo, and conan gray to name a few

last movie: the hannah montana movie, my friend was feeling nostalgic and it was very fun

last show: watched heartstopper again last night for embarrassing reasons and it still slaps on the second rewatch

when did i create this blog: late summer 2015 so like a year after creating my main

what i post: i’m a tagger and cheerleader first but a shitposter and sometimes poet second

last thing i googled: “stacey’s mom” because i wanted to know when it came out since i couldn’t believe my mom didn’t know it

other blogs: my main is @eyeslikelaserpointers, my taylor swift blog is @illicit-gay-affairs and other blogs i may or may not have will remain a mystery

do i get asks?: sometimes and they’re mostly little love notes from my wife or iconic images from tali and i’m very grateful for both <3 i’m generally always happy to be talked to by anyone

following: i follow 550 blogs

average hours of sleep: it used to be between 7 and 8 but now it’s closer to 6 and it shows tbh

instruments: i used to play the recorder as a kid if that counts

what im wearing: grey sweatpants and a tshirt from high school with my name on it, also cute pink socks

dream job: i’ve always kind of wanted to be a secretary or someone’s assistant but i’m more likely to end up a lawyer or judge in which case i’d like to do employment law and help protect workers’ rights

dream trip: not much of a traveller tbh cause it’s very stressful but i definitely wanna go back to London for closure (and generally go to England to visit my wife <3) and i want to travel to the US and Canada again to see my family and some friends

nationality: uptight bread enthusiast who’s always on time you do the math

favourite songs: yeah no i physically can’t do that, best i can do is current most listened to on spotify: family line by conan gray, veuve by paula hartmann, paracetamol by gregor hägele and buzzkill by baby queen

last book i’ve read: i recently finished the girls i’ve been by tess sharpe and now i’m reading lolita but if we’re talking fanfic i just reread according to all known laws of life by sobsicles which is always a delight

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: every fictional universe would probaby stress me out but maybe like one of the barbie fairytail movies or the good place........honestly tho take me to supernatural world i can deal with anything if i get to hug cas and tell him he’s loved

tagging my wife and some other beloved mutuals, sorry if you’re already been tagged, and of course there’s no pressure to do this <3 god knows i almost never do tag games i’m being tagged in and i immediately forget who i’ve tagged

@mrcowboydeanwinchester  @goatiel @emeraldcas @faithdeans @seffersonjtarship @destielgaysex @knifelesbianjo @roublardise @migraineurdean @justafictionlover @castiellesbian @eileenguy @mishasfingers

love you all <333

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

ok not to be too vulgar on main because i'm literally just shitposting to make myself laugh since i missed shouting into the tumblr void every night but like

there is nothing funnier to me than like, the fact shadow the hedeghog has the rawest most powerful ace energy i've every fucking experience like he is so fundamentally asexual that i want to scream BUT THATS NOT THE FUNNY PART BECAUSE YEAH IT'S LAUGHABLY EMPOWERING BC REP BUT ALSO JUST FACE VALUE HILARIOUS

no no, the funny part is that infinite can acknowledge that fucking radiant ace supremacy and is like "damn that's some mad pipe to be laid and i wanna be right there" like not in the sexualizing ace ppl way the dog wouldn't do that and as an ace dog lover i gotta halt that bad idea there. just the fact that he is so drawn to the most cardboard vanilla ass ace you can get like the closest shadow gets to experiencing anything close to a positive emotion is chewing some coffee beans. like, shadow isn't just ace because ace people can be flavourful, shadow is just so fucking boring on a domestic day-to-day scale. he just like, what? sits there? reads a book maybe?? stares out a window?!? eats some coffee??? THAT'S HIS PEAK?!?!?

like shadow is so fucking stale in comparison to the hedonistic dog so infinite is there fucking salivating like "holy fucking shit he's so extra and complex and fantastic and incomprehensible i want to beat the shit out of him and then make out or something but like in a villainous way in the rain or like get choked against a wall or thrown into it again oh my god i bet he thinks about the first time we met as much as i do like HE CHUCKED ME INTO A WALL AND THEN TOWERED OVER ME AND DELIVERED THAT RAW ASS TRAUMA INDUCING LINE IN JUST ONE SENTENCE WHEN I NEED ENTIRE SCRIPTED AND REHEARSED MONOLOGUES fuck look at him now sitting there pretending not to notice me watching him as he reads his book in a window seat like some dark academia uncredited Pinterest user moodboard motherfucker"

... meanwhile shadow has forgotten to blink for the past 57 minutes and can't even recall what year it is, let alone when he first met infinite, and tbh he sorta forgot how infinite ended up in his life as a roommate but shadow doesn't bother questioning it. shadow's head is empty 99% of the time and the other 1% is when he accidentally regains self awareness and is slammed with overwhelming bouts of trauma before he forgets it all again and chews the same piece of gum for 13 days.

and the whole time... infinite thinks he's some hyperaware enigma with a carefully constructed anti-hero persona and is frothing at the goddamn mouth with rage and internalized frustrations about what feelings shadow evokes in him because this dog can't tell if he wants to smash shadow's face into an open flame or make prolonged intense eye contact pulled right from the red and blue notebook yaoi and then swap spit

[liyawritesss]

Class 1-A Boys and How They Like To Cuddle

Okay LOOK HERE-

@todorkihoe made a shitpost abt touch starved Todoroki and im like *aggressive inhale* creative juices are FLOWING

It would be right for me to do JUST Shouto tho plus I forgot to do Iida last time and feel HORRIBLE so its gonna be as many Class 1-A boys I can think for!!

Warnings: some cursing maybe, fem! black/poc!reader and a bunch of f l u f f

BAKUGO KATSUKI

Angry pomeranian boy will probably want to cuddle when he's burnt himself out

You'll be hanging with your friend group and Katsuki will text you something along the lines of "come to my room" and at first your like what the hell whats wrong?

So you excuse yourself and head to his room and you find that Katsuki's on his bed, looking like he had a really intense training session because of the little scratches and bandaids here and there. Plus he's not yelling at you.

You head to the side of his bed and try to see if he's awake or not, and you get startled when he grumbles something you don't quite here

You ask him to repeat he mumbles "get in bed, dumbass"

You wanna punch him for calling you a dumbass but you don't because he actually looks peaceful? Like not mad or stressed or anything, and he seemed to just want your presence...

So you oblige, slipping into the blankets and having him pull you close into his chest, the mixed smell of caramel and his body wash reaching your nose.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, his arms enveloping your shoulders and bringing you closer to his chest

His hand buries itself into your hair while he presses a kiss to your forehead that he WILL threaten you not to talk about in the morning

Him just tired and want his teddy bear in his arms after a long day of training.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

Broccoli boy wants to be big spoon 🥺

Like one day you come over his house, you talk with his mom for a bit before Izuku drags you to his room

And even though its what you'd think an All Might fanboy's room would look like, its surprisingly cozy as well

Soon the weather changed from bright and sunny to raining and dreary

You and Izuku's energy slowly drained as the dreary weather continued.

Youre on his bed, snuggled up in his blanket and watching something on your phone or scrolling through social media

Izuku comes in from helping his mom with something and just has the urge to cuddle you

He asks you what're you doing while crawling into bed behind you, slipping under the blanket you were snuggling with

You start to babble on what you're watching or what you see on your socials while Izuku's arms wrap around you from behind, nuzzling into your hair which smells so so sooo nice.

In a few minute your realize he's not really listening anymore, he's just fallen asleep and he's just too cute

You fall asleep shortly after because of the comforting pitter patter of rain and soft thundering sounds from outside

Inko takes a picture of you two cuz she's so happy her baby boy got him someone who makes him happy she might even use it as blackmail

IIDA TENYA

Iida is definitely one of those people thats like "no handholding !! You'll get pregnant !!"

You'd probably have to beg him for cuddles lets be honest

On the occasion you two DO find the opportunity to cuddle, it'll probably be after an intense study session

Of course he's not tired, but you just fried your brain trying to remember math formulas

Tenya sees this, and suggests a light snack since you both had been studying for a while

He leaves to go get some snacks and you drag yourself to his bed, needing to feel a plush mattress under you and not hard wooden chair

Your curl up in his blanket, into a little ball

Tenya comes back with snacks and drinks to find you curled on his bed and its the most adorable sight ever

He realizes that maybe he worked you a bit to hard, and you deserve a little nap before heading home

His heart goes "you should hug her, she'll like it" but his mind says "no! boundaries"

Eventually his heart wins and he crawls into bed next to you, sitting up and leaning on his headboard.

You curl up into his side, and he rests his hand on your shoulder, rubbing figures into it

This isn't invading boundaries right? He thinks this is okay

Most probably gonna read a book or something while you take your nap

And when you wake up, you apologize profusely, but Tenya says its okay.

"Boundaries were respected! So no harm done."

Tenya drinks his respect women juice diligently.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

Every time I think of touch starved shouto Endeavor comes up and I just want to strangle the smug piece of shit for ruining Todo's childhood

Because let's be honest, Shouto can, would, and does and a hard time understanding affection, especially when its physical

You'll do simple things like hold his hand or peck his cheek and he's like "is that a thing? Should I do that too?"

Probs feels bad that he can't really show his love the way others do, and you'll have to tell him that everyone shows love differently, and thats okay.

He's over your house because it's the weekend and neither of you have anything planned.

You're both on your bed, Shouto admiring your room while you're maybe on your phone or reading something

Then shouto asks "do you want to cuddle, love?"

You have to ask him to repeat what he said because what that came out of no where

He repeats himself, a bit hesitant

"Couples do that right? I want to try it."

Okay now you HAVE to oblige

At first its kind of awkward, he tries to find a position you're both comfortable with but it doesn't seem to be working out

Then you just kind of guide his head to lay on your chest and he wraps his arms around your waist and its like heaven for him

He can hear your heart beat and feel you close to him, while you're still doing what you're doing on your phone or with your book

Your hand strokes his hair and massages his scalp and Shouto can't even fight the sleep thats taking over him.

In 5 minutes he asleep, and you can't help but smile because fuck he's so adorable, and so at peace

You take pictures because they last longer

After that, will always ask you for cuddles in that position, nothing else will satisfy the boy now

But you always oblige, because you know it really does help him

KIRISHIMA EIJIRO

Cuddles with kiri are so soft and playful

You'd probably be in his dorm room, you're entertaining yourself while he's on the game

You try to mess with him because he's cute when he's irritated

You poke him, tickle him, nudge him, anything to annoy him

Kiri's just like "you want attention? Bet"

Tosses the controller away most definitely upsetting denki and sero and pulls you onto his lap caging you in his arms

"Eiji lemme gooo!"

"I thought you wanted my attention babe? Now you got all of it!"

Eventually you stop struggling cuz you can't do anything stuck in his arms

So you just relax Into him in your straddling position that's oddly pretty comfy with him

You nuzzle into his neck and wrap your arms around his torso and the dorkiest smile plasters his face cuz look, his baby's cuddling him

Has to try and keep his voice under control when he gets back on the game

So now everytime you come over he holds you like that while he plays the game, balancing game time and his precious girlfriend

KAMINARI DENKI

I dont know why but I feel like Denki would want to be little spoon

Like just imagine the baby loosing a game with Kirishima and Sero and Bakugo and the angry pomeranian is being especially mean today

And you over hear it and see that Denki's really disappointed in himself so you offer cuddlss

And his eyes just light up and he's like "yes pls!!"

He lays in bed with you and you wrap your arms around him from behind, placing kisses on his cheek and hair and back of his neck

Surprisingly he doesn't short circuit??

He just kinda like hums and relaxes cuz you give the best kisses

And he needs them cuz Bakugo mean 😢😢😢

You always offer him cuddles after losing a game and remind him that he's always a winner in your book

Gives the dorkiest smile, says thank you all the time

Would probably fall asleep on you but you don't mind, at least he's not short curcuiting.

SHINSOU HITOSHI

I HEADCANON HITOSHI AS A THIGH MAN

He just loves him some thighs and he loves your the absolute most

Theyre so plump and soft, they make him want to sleep on them

So yall are in your dorm room

Its night time and Shinsou just can't fall asleep for the life of him.

Its fucking 2am why is he up

You just so happened to not have fallen asleep yet so he asks if he can hang with you for a bit.

You make him that sleepy time tea you drink when you have trouble falling asleep and he admits he's a bit drowsy now

Without warning he grabs your legs and uses your thighs as his pillow

Well, more like your thighs and your tummy, since the way you're laying down has your legs bent a bit

Shinsou's like "wow this feels really nice" and you start to play with his hair, and he's sent to heaven

Homeboys out like a light in no time

This happens like once a week honey, get used to it

He could just mind control you to do it but he hates using it on you, because he wants the actions and emotions to be real and authentic

So the fact that you do love him cuddling you like this makes his heart melt

Please send more comfort to this boy.

Whew, now that thats out of my system

Please leave a like, a comment, reblog to your friends and don't be shy to send a request!!

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[dreamcatcherrs]

been loving the writing you’ve been posting! i’ve been nonstop thinking about cuddly sapnap🧍‍♀️he would wanna be little spoon so bad that mf... would it be possible to write about sapnap being a cuddly mf? love ur writing so much ❤️❤️❤️ ur doing great!!

thank you! <33 and yesss cuddly sapnap for the win! he’s soooo clingy I swear to god. hope you like this!

cuddle bug - sapnap

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: cuddly!sapnap x reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: nick is feeling especially touchy today, and just wants your sweet love and attention after having not seen you for a while.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.269

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: nothing but fluff🥴

song recommendation: lover - taylor swift

your eyes scanned the page for about the fifth time now, growing tired from the bright screen-light shining onto you from your laptop. you rubbed the sleep away from your eyes, knowing that you couldn’t take a break before you were sure that every sentence was exactly how you wanted it to be.

you let a sigh fall from your lips, moving your laptop off your lap to stretch your body out. you moved your head to rest on your pillow again, grabbing your computer yet again to scan through the many pages you’d written for an essay.

over the span of fifteen minutes, you managed to find a few spelling errors, correcting them as you slowly lost your will to continue on. you messed with the laces coming out from your hoodie, twirling them around your finger as you zoned out

“I’m done!”

you eyes shot up from your computer to the doorframe, stopping your fingers movements. nick had appeared from his bedroom - something you hadn't seen all day. he smiled tiredly at you, and reached back to scratch the back of his head. you smiled back, feeling a small weight lift off your shoulders just from seeing him.

he was already streaming when you had come over, and since he had his face cam on and your relationship was still not out yet, you had placed yourself on his comfy couch. that was three hours ago.

“yay!” you exclaimed, smiling at him for a moment before returning to your schoolwork. no matter how much you wanted to be with him right now, things had to be done.

nick tilted his head to the side, frowning slightly. it was obvious that something else had your complete attention (other than him!). after not having seen you for a while, he really just wanted to spend some time with you.

he approached you, taking a seat beside you when he got to the couch and rested his chin on your shoulder. he peeked at what you were doing, and once realising what you were so focused on, he understood why you were so caught up in it. he knew you had to perfect everything to the point where it was just too perfect, even though you didn't have to.

you turned your head to him, smiling sweetly as his eyes met yours. he placed his hand on your cheek, thumb brushing over your cheekbone lovingly. “y/n. cuddles. now.”

you laughed at that, rolling your eyes playfully. he gripped your hand in his before you could move it towards the keyboard, holding it to his chest.

“I have to finish this first, baby.”

you kissed his cheek softly, before focusing your eyes on the computer again. nick hated how hard you could be on yourself sometimes. he wished you could realise that people need breaks when focusing on something for long periods of time. and that included you too, of course.

you gave an attempt at untangling your fingers with his, but failed miserably when he just squeezed your hand harder. “that can wait.”

he closed your laptop, removing it from your lap and onto the coffee table before you had the chance to stop him. “wh- hey!” you reached out for it, but his grip on your arm stopped you from any further movements.

he moved over you and spread your legs out using his knees. he lay himself slowly on top of you, legs between yours, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his head in your chest.

you sighed lightly, laying your head back on the pillow. you only needed to check a few more lines. that’s all you needed! yet your body was so tired and missed the warmth of another body… and oh god you just wanted to cuddle up with your boyfriend.

“nickkk…”

he hummed against you, moving his head so his chin was resting on your chest. you looked into his eyes, giving him the puppy eyes and lacing your hands together in a praying motion.

“pleeease can we just wait five minutes? I’m almost done, I swear!” you crossed your fingers, desperation lingering in your eyes. you sent him a toothy smile while he observed you with a raised eyebrow. he thought it over for a bit, before coming to a conclusion.

“no.”

your face dropped again and you pouted slightly at him. “whyyy?” you whined, sinking farther into the couch.

he sighed. “y/n. you and I both know that you won't just spend five minutes on that stupid thing. besides, would you really rather be doing homework than cuddle with your boyfriend who you, may I add, haven't seen all day?”

you groaned, covering your face with your hands, you knew he was right, of course. you’d give anything to not have to write anymore of that stupid essay and just cuddle up with him. you had missed him a lot…

he moved up from his place on your body, face now hovering over your covered one. a gentle smile pulled spread out on his face, hands moving yours away from your face.

“so?” he asked, waiting for an answer. you looked at the small glimmer of love in his eyes, hypnotised by the way they could so easily make your heart melt and send your whole body into a frenzy of tingles.

“no…”

he smiled wider at your words.

“that’s what I thought.”

all at once he got up, pulling you with him by your hands. you stumbled into his chest, his arms wrapping tightly around your body to keep you there. you smiled as well, closing your eyes for once in what felt like way too long. you let your hands rest on his shoulder blades, feeling the warmth of him radiating through his hoodie.

“you’re so cute,” he mumbled into your hair, hugging you even closer to him. your foot stumbled into his, moving you forwards more than you should. it moved him with you and he giggled lowly, the action adding to what he’d just told you. “c’mon, I want cuddles.”

he pulled away slightly, placing a kiss on your forehead. your cheeks heated up at the action, looking away from him with a smile. he grabbed your hand and excitedly lead you to the bedroom.

“is someone a little clingy today?” you asked teasingly, biting your lip as you lay down next to him on his bed.

“shut up.” the response went by without any cracks of his voice, but the shy smile on his face didn't pass you by. it only made you smile more. he moved close to you, laying his head on your collarbone, nose poking the crook of your neck.

you used that same arm he was slightly laying on to lightly play with his hair, twirling the strands around your finger as you pathed your way around his brown locks. he sighed pleasantly, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull himself closer to you.

with your other hand you reached for the covers, pulling them over you so the cold from outside couldn't reach you. nick planted a few kisses on your neck, almost so light that you could barely even feel them - just a tingling feeling left behind.

“thank you,” you mumbled against his hair, drawing small circles onto the palm of his hand with your other one. “I really needed this.” he caught onto your hand, holding it in his with a slight squeeze.

“me too, baby.”

you smiled down at him, before letting your eyes close, cuddling into the sweet embrace of your lover.

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