#waka!sin

[sweetbunpura]

If we want angsty, return home with Sebeks half sin. Their full fae.

OOF.

They even got the Zigvolt family scales too, which makes Sebek even more pissed. He's angry at even the mere idea that they would return to flaunt what they have and he doesn't. While, Lilia, Silver, and even Malleus himself are welcoming Yuu with open arms. Sebek is glaring at them nonstop.

Sebek sib!Yuu: Sebek-

Sebek: Cease your begging! I don't want to hear it!

Yuu, getting angry: I'm trying to talk to you! I'm back home and this is how you act?! Aren't you happy to see me?

Sebek: No. Now do me a favor and return to that other world, far away from me and Waka-sama.

[suguru-getos]

Genshin men x Arguments & how they make up for it

Characters included: Diluc, Ayato, Kaveh.

Diluc Ragnvindr:

The Monstadt Wine tycoon, usually does not indulge in arguments at all. All he wants is to share common view points. Until sometimes, his rage takes over. You have been trying to go to Liyue, he wants to accompany you but he isn’t getting the time. Today was the day your persistence broke his patience. “I don’t know, I still want to go.” You managed to retort, burning venom of annoyance laced in your tone. “I said, you can’t go alone,” Diluc gritted, walking towards you and glaring, “Do you not understand or do you really? Really like to annoy me with your nuisance?” He spat back, making sure his points were sent clear cross, cut throat, unmatched with his usually tender behavior.

You were taken aback, the threatening tone of his voice followed by the retort shocked you. You knew Diluc made you feel safe, made you feel loved, feel heard. Eyes trickled with fresh tears, you stepped back from him. Not ready to see him the same at the moment. “I’m sorry,” was all you managed to utter with your voice breaking apart.

Diluc was shocked, it felt like dying, like something in his throat was clogging his very breathing. The way your chest heaved. The way your lips trembled. “Angel- please,” Diluc’s voice turned soft, scared to break you. A stark contrast from his earlier tone. “I didn’t mean to lash out on you,” Diluc’s guilt also started pouring from his eyes. He is the Dark Knight hero of Monstadt. He doesn’t want to be a villain for his own lover.

“Listen, I will cancel everything, all impending tasks & we will depart for Liyue this very moment,” Diluc managed to mumble, not daring to look into your eyes. Your silence was deafening, your efforts to keep your sniffles down was breaking him like glass. “Angel, I’m so, so sorry,” Diluc went down on his knees, leaning his head against your pelvis. “Please, don’t cry on me like this,”

Ayato Kamisato:

Arguments with Ayato were few and quite far-fetched. It was mostly due to his absence in important scenarios where he is required. The slave to the Shogun, not your husband; is what you’d see him as, on certain days.

“You really think things will work like this Ayato?” You held his wrist, stopping him from leaving the shared bedroom when you brought up yet another plan of him & you spending a few days off. “It will not fucking melt you into nothing if you live a day for us for fuck’s sake!” Your irritation and rage was listened to softly, as Ayato cleared his throat. “Maybe you don’t understand the importance of all this, or maybe I am not that important to you after all,” you mumbled to yourself, doubts flooding your head when your hand glided away from his.

That was when Ayato snapped, boiling hot rage like steam, a contrast to his gentle hydro vision poured down on you, uncaring how it would burn your heart up. “Maybe it is you who should understand that ALL I do and partake in is for the sake and protection of my family, or do you lack the simplistic wits it takes to fathom this?” His voice rose, for the first time ever towards you. The uncanny resemblance of him against one of his retainers flooded your memories up. You don’t want to see him like this.

Silence enveloped the next moment, not a word uttered by you. Ayato was also, silent. The realization of his tone daunting inside him like a violent drum, vibrating against his core. Staggering his breaths.

“We should talk later, Waka,” you mumbled, not wanting to use his first name. It felt like sin. Like you didn’t deserve it.

“No— y/n, I suggest- we talk now,” Ayato felt miserable, eyes changing from vicious to pleading.

“No— I plead, we should talk now,” Ayato mumbled softly, looking down. “You don’t deserve to be on the other side of my anger ever, neither do you deserve to listen to my harshness,” If guild could embody a living being, it was Ayato.

“I am sorry, I sincerely apologize for my tone. You- you are my princess,” Ayato mumbled, taking a deep sigh. “Please, forgive me for it love,”

Kaveh:

Kaveh, the ever so chirpy, wonderful Kaveh. The man you are glad to call yours, the man who understands you, reads you like an open book, gives you the best bear hugs. The same man was fuming with rage, not his usual cranky, sarcastic & witty self. He was angry.

“Didn’t we talk about this? How many times do you fucking want me to repeat y/n?” Kaveh roared, watching you quiver under his otherwise larger stature. He specifically told you not to follow up the Ermites gang which was trying to work in the Ksharewar. You, being you, just couldn’t stop yourself.

“And I— I told you, Kaveh. We have- I mean, I think they might have ulterior motives,” you managed to speak properly. It was the Akademiya Headquarters and Kaveh, despite being your significant other, pretty much controlled the Ksharewar & hence, was your super senior authoritative boss.

Kaveh hated when you winced & got uncomfortable like this, hated to see you flinch and him being the reason about it. His eyes scanned your form, how your nails were scratching your fingerpads in nervousness, how you bit your lower lip, thumbs scratching your index finger’s nail. Anymore and you would have red scratch marks.

Kaveh was silent, he cared for your safety. Which meant, he wanted you to be & feel safe. Never would he become the reason for your anxieties after all. “I think we need a break,” Kaveh mumbled softly. Your eyes shot up, looking at him with tears filled to the brim, threatening to escape. “You— you don’t want me?” Your voice broke, “Because of something like this?”

“NO! No— no sweetie you misunderstood me,” Kaveh immediately got up from his chair, stormed towards you and wrapped you in a hug. “I meant we need a break from this, how about a walk outside? You clearly don’t seem okay right now & I’m sorry for not putting my words better for you,” he leaned in, kissing your forehead.

“If you forgive me faster, I will accompany you with the Ermite investigation, okay?”

[kafkaoftherubble]

时鞭自我弊不轻，永宽他人宜为重

//The Intrigue Of Tokinaga Sachiyuki

In the first essay, I speculated about Ahu’az, Furuya Rin (a.k.a. Yako), and Chapter 58.

This one, meanwhile, is a character analysis of Tokinaga. It is the second of my After God essay series. Beware; it's a long read.

You don’t always get one of your favorite characters gone through my Lyndisian treatment, @orange-peel-candy, so I hope this has been a good way for you to pass the time.

Oh, you’re curious about what the Chinese title says?

“Always punishing himself for his profound sins; always forgiving others and prioritizing their virtues.”

It’s my crappy attempt at making a 对联, “duilian poetry.”

There are rules in making one. The same number of characters are used in both lines to form a couplet. There have to be counterpoints in tonal pattern between two lines, such that if they “counter” each other. Words from both lines have to be within the same category, and the meaning of the first line must correspond to the second line's meaning.

I did break one rule though: the first line’s last character has to be of an “oblique” tone while the second line’s last character has to be of a “leveled” tone. In my duilian title, the opposite is true.

There’s also just how lacking in beauty my poetry is. Not much can be done about my genuine absence of literary competency, I’m afraid!

Yes. You might also have noticed it. The first character of both lines makes up the word “时永/ 時永,” which is... “Tokinaga.”

---------------------------------------

Super Good Guy; Very Moral

The first time I read this manga, the one thing that stood out a lot to me, especially against the backdrop of After God’s society and every other character in this series—is how unambiguously moral Tokinaga is.

This is how Nayuu described the Bio-Tech department:

Chapter 4

Not even a minute passed and we got this scene:

Chapter 4

Tokinaga stood out a lot because he was the only one who opposed the unethical treatment of  “a child,” even though such a thing was standard of his colleagues. These people were known for being unscrupulous, yet Tokinaga was calling people out like he was a YouTuber dropping some bombs about his fellow creators.

There are many, many moments like these. In a world full of characters with grey morality, he stood out like a sore thumb just on the virtue of his unyielding, monkish self-discipline.

Chapter 4. Dude was seriously against this when no one else commented on it.

Chapter 9

One might, because of this, pass him over as uninteresting (at least, before the reveal of who he is). He’s straight-laced! He’s nice! He’s the good guy. He will do what’s ethically right; there’s no ambivalence. And yet, I’ve always found his strange fixation with ethics fascinating.

Yes, there’s a personal angle to this—a very close acquaintance (to my chagrin) is incredibly interested in ethics and often ponders about them, even if that situation or thought experiment is pragmatically insignificant. Another dear friend of mine also adheres to ethical principles with the same level of monkish discipline. In both cases, there are deeper reasons for their fixations.

Even before the reveal of Tokinaga’s other identity, this quality of him was already grounds for curiosity. With the benefit of hindsight, I’ll even argue that the mangaka has been teasing us about the full scope of his character with little psychological breadcrumbs.

There is a startling lack of flexibility in Tokinaga’s frame of ethics.

Tokinaga seemed dangerously close to holding a black-and-white morality. But there’s more to it.  

He’s perfectly capable of allocating leeway to most people whose ethics and morals are less than exemplary. After all, the department he cooperates with—due to Waka—is deadass staffed with moral-is-optional weirdos. Their amorality doesn’t make him see them as less, though. He values every single one of them—their safety sent him into a self-sacrificial panic, while their lost lives crushed him straight into depression.

It seems to me that, in Tokinaga’s mind, the only person who should adhere to this black-and-white morality is himself. He needs to be. He has to be.

-----

“Apologize! Apologize! Apologize!”

Chapter 33 is one of my favorite chapters in the manga so far. It’s raw as fuck and a great character study—and it features a very intriguing facet of Tokinaga’s psychology.

Now, dude had just experienced a heart-wrenching betrayal from a dear friend. Losing control of his emotions was only expected of anyone. But he had a very peculiar fixation. Despite the weight of Orokapi’s crimes (including the many people he had murdered as the Snake God), Tokinaga was hyper-focus on only two things: the injustice Orokapi had done to him—and the act of apology.

Previously, he spelled out why he didn’t believe Orokapi could apologize: “You can’t apologize, feel remorse, have a change of heart, or comprehend sadness.” And yet, subsequently, “apologize to me” was what he fixated on. He discarded the commands from his superior and colleague and went berserk in his personal demand for that apology:

Why is an apology somehow enough to forgive the things Orokapi has done? Lives were lost. Damages were done. Orokapi, as Tokinaga’s mentor had said, doesn’t live by human ethics and acts like an animal. And even Tokinaga himself had called Orokapi’s capacity for remorse into question.

So why the fixation with apology? Because, I’d argue, to Tokinaga, it’s the “right” ritual to do. Tokinaga’s stringent, black-and-white ethics demand a ritual.

It demands something that needs to be performed after crossing ethical wrongs, even if it no longer makes sense. Here, an apology is a ritual of absolution, even if it’s technically useless after all that had happened.

Tokinaga clings to it. Why?

Could it be because it’s a ritual Tokinaga himself undertakes?

As you continue the chapter, you might notice—with the benefit of hindsight—that the things Tokinaga was screaming almost sounded like things he would say to himself.

At some point, it could seem like he was projecting himself onto Orokapi—who, by being such a dear friend to him, who learned to be an ethical human from him—was like an extension of himself.

“Don’t run away, dumbass.” “Doesn’t it suck being scolded right now?” “Who would want to be friends with someone like that?”

—all of these could apply to Orokapi, but they can also be applied to Tokinaga himself. For example, Allula called him out on one specific accusation Tokinaga leveled at Orokapi: running away.

Chapter 55

-------

Quite the Literal Hate Boner

We later know one(there are plenty) of the biggest reasons Tokinaga hates himself: he gets aroused and hard from nothing but violence and hate. The more vile and violent, the harder his hormones run. And all this happens contrary to what his higher-ordered thinking believes and thinks.

Chapter 54

Side note: remember how Tokinaga shouted at Orokapi with “Doesn’t it suck being scolded right now?”  Yet, here, he was admitting to his body getting hard from being insulted. The one that felt pained when being scolded was his mind. The part of Tokinaga he believes is him, “the ethical, pure one.” The one he’s constantly reinforcing and tormenting, over and over, as his fitful penance.

Now, contrary to what Tokinaga believed, this isn’t as black-and-white as his thought process made it out to be. You can also just accept that this is who you are, and mitigate what you don’t like reasonably. You’re living in a crappy nigh-post-apocalyptic society with a bunch of amoral people who regularly skirt the edge of ethics, goddamn it. You’re hardly the only one with questionable morality.

In fact, it’s fine. You never act out on these desires. You don’t harbor the thought of wanting to kickstart a violent rampage to pleasure yourself. Tokinaga’s (literal) hate boner can even be safely relegated to the realm of kinks. There are plenty of doms who will happily take him as their cute puppy-dog sub.

But Tokinaga cannot accept it. He is determined to maintain his sense of purity. Even in the face of his sexual desire. Or the decisions he had made using his time-loop powers to ensure his “perfect death.”

He wants to believe he is “clean.” And that he can keep himself that way.

If you were a certain kind of person with a similar thought process as Tokinaga, you might go to punishing lengths to hold onto this quixotic sense of purity, while simultaneously tormented by the anxiety of it slipping away from you.

You might, perhaps, cling to every ritual of purification you can to scrub yourself clean of this constant onslaught of contamination. Apology is one of them. Eviscerating yourself and other forms of mental flagellation is another.

He even mentioned the latter. He described how much his heart ached and trembled at the sight of brutality while his body went ahead and got excited. And then, hinting at punishment, he admitted to torturing his mind with intense mental castigation every night.

Chapter 54

This matches the experience of my aforementioned friend and acquaintance—who, last I checked, are not godkillers who can turn back time (aww man).

Nonetheless, they suffer from a specific mental disorder that I find to be an interesting comparison to Tokinaga’s psychology.

---

Tokinaga Sachiyuki:  An Allegory of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Chapter 50

Hey! If you’re like my acquaintance, who freezes up at OCD mentions sometimes, take care when reading this part!

Now, I’m not too terribly interested in headcanons. The mangaka has made no such proclamation, either, and so my personal principles come into play. I won’t claim he definitely has OCD.

What I would like to put forward, though, is that Tokinaga’s psychology mirrors much of a person suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder. What he has isn’t an exact match to the real-world experience because, again, he’s a fictional character who can loop time and might be a dragon (oops, did I just drop a teaser for my next essay? Hmmmmmm).

---

“This isn’t what I want! This isn’t who I am!”

What separates OCD and Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder is that thoughts and compulsions in the former are egodystonic, while the latter is egosyntonic [1][2].

Egosyntonic: thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that are perceived by the self to be in harmony with their self-image, as well as their goals and needs. “There is nothing maladjusted with my behavior; this is  who I ‘really’ am.”

Egodystonic: thoughts, behaviors, desires, compulsions etc. that go against one’s perception of their self-image, “who they are,” and are dissonant to the needs and the goals of the ego. “There is something seriously fucked-up with my thoughts/behaviors.”

Chapter 55

Tokinaga exhibits egodystonic agony in droves. His sexual desire insults the self-image he holds about himself—the “Tokinaga” who’s disgusted by carnage, unforgivingly repulsed by brutality, as well as terrified of the frequency of such violence occurring in life. He hated all of it with his soul, and yet his penis is getting so fucking hard by seeing it.

---

Intrusive Thoughts and The Behaviors/Rituals To Fight Them

His sexual desire, as well as any thoughts of him being possibly unethical or immoral, are his version of intrusive thoughts. They aren’t just “negative thoughts” he can swat away without them corroding his sense of self. They are his obsessions[3][4]. He had managed to keep them at bay for the first bulk of the story—unless, of course, you notice his compulsive adherence to ethics and his overall behavior from Chapter 30 onward. The façade cracked as the story progressed to Orokapi’s betrayal; it dealt a blow to his mental stability. In Chapter 55, Allula even wonders if Tokinaga is suffering from a mental decline.

All of these distressing obsessions compelled Tokinaga to follow a very stringent set of ethics—which he mostly applies only to himself. To me, his rigid ritual of an apology is as good an allegorical insight as any. His nightly mental castigation, where he fervently visualizes himself dying with all the sins of the world on his shoulder, is an even wider window to such a psyche.

What sets him as a great allegory of OCD while distinguishing himself from OCPD is that he’s not doing this because he believes he’s a good, sinless person.

He’s doing it because he believes he’s the worst.

So shitty, in fact, that he thinks being killed by Allula—whose abuses would put him through the most excruciating, pleasureless pain while his body experiences blissful, painless pleasure—is the only fitting end he deserves and therefore works toward that goal. Before he gets there, though, he’d have to endure his many intrusive obsessions... and hopefully, along the way, eradicate the embodiments of violence the masses had called “gods.”

-----

Conclusion

Chapter 20. This expression tells you a lot about what Orokapi genuinely sees in his friend. One of my favorite faces yet.

Again, lemme reiterate: there is no canonical word on Tokinaga being a sufferer of OCD. I mean, if he were to perform compulsive behaviors, such as skin-peeling or hair-pulling, it might become more canonically implicative.

What I’m going off from here is his actions and psyche so far, as well as the empirical recognition—by my friend and acquaintance—of his experience. To me, OCD has become a fascinating and fitting framework for understanding some of the complexities of this character.

It speaks to the strength of After God’s character writing when Tokinaga turns out to be a great allegorical presentation for OCD in media.

Side note: I’m personally a big fan of writing about atypical experiences in an organic, humanizing way however possible, because it helps readers understand the experience without too much focus on “therapy speaks” and the rules in the DSM-V. Yes, I say this as someone who studies cognitive science, is familiar with that manual, and advocates more rigor and replicability in the fields of psychology.

In case the length of this essay did not show it clearly enough: I adore Tokinaga. As of now, I sincerely believe him when he says he’s genuinely a good person... because, as I witnessed from my friend, it takes a certain kind of good person to be able to get this tormented in the first place. More importantly, Tokinaga may have clung to a stringent sense of morality out of compulsion, but it still makes him a good person in action.

If you feel similarly to him—OCD or not—remember that one’s mind could often distort one’s vice into virtue, and virtue into vice.

Maybe you’re moral because you’re compelled to do so to battle your intrusive thoughts, and so it feels less “authentic" than being "genuinely moral."

But I disagree. As is the spirit of Buddhist Philosophy (which I personally adhere to; also lowkey study), I think you’re already pragmatically good, and through those actions, you already position yourself in an advantageous spot for moral progress. And that will always be a cause for optimism.

Thank you for reading my ramble—despite the length! I hope you've enjoyed it.

----

Citations:

“Egosyntonic and egodystonic” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egosyntonic_and_egodystonic

“Obsessive–compulsive personality disorder. In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_personality_disorder

“Obsessive-compulsive disorder” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive%E2%80%93compulsive_disorder

“Intrusive thought.” In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrusive_thought

[blues824]

Could I request Ace, Leona, Sebek, and Jamil with an s/o who's like the Egyptian god of war, deserts, storms, disorder, violence, and chaos, Set?

Egyptian mythology is just as (if not more) confusing than Greek and Roman mythology, but I’ve always loved learning about it.

Gender-neutral reader. Animal head on Set is a helmet instead here.

TW: Toxic relationship… kinda???

Ace Trappola

You both are chaotic bad, to say the least, and a headache for Riddle.

The only difference is that you have much more power than he does

Also, you have an animal helmet in the shape of an unspecified animal that you couldn’t even explain

You also wear a lot more gold in your dorm uniform than he did, as it was a symbol of you being a deity

Ace was your first experience in a healthy relationship

However, whenever you both fight, you create a huge storm in anger, and Grim has to rush over to Heartslabyul and beg the first year to apologize

In the same way that you protected Ra from Apophis, you protect your oh-so-lovely boyfriend from trouble

The only thing that you didn’t do was help him during Riddle’s overblot, as you were thriving in the chaos and disorder of it all

Leona Kingscholar

The only time I can see you both getting along is when you helped him and Ruggie sabotage the competition

After all, you are a bringer of chaos, and seeing the other teams lose their shit amused you

If we are going back to the beginning, you used your helmet to keep your anonymity 

You stepped on his tail that day, and when he yelled at you, you summoned your staff and demanded he bow to you

That started a rivalry between the two of you, as you both were cast aside for the king’s son to be the heir

The difference is that you can’t be the ruler of the gods, and Leona can’t be the king of a measly kingdom

Anyways, the only time where you both can actually be perceived as a couple is when you both are seen cuddling with each other and taking a nap instead of attending class

You did not help during his overblot, as you called it payback

Jamil Viper

Could you possibly not make it so hot in the dorm?

All the people are struggling with the heat, especially when Kalim was forcing everyone into the extra practice time

You could see right through his bullshit, and because of years fighting with your nephew, you were able to escape Scarabia rather easily

However, you did not help the Scarabia dorm. It’s their canon event.

Also, you knew what would happen if you didn’t interfere, and you loved the possible chaos in the upcoming days.

When he overblots, however, you could see that the Octavinelle trio and Kalim did not deserve this, so you used your powers to fight

One infirmary visit after Jamil passed out was enough to get you and him talking about how you knew what he was going through 

After all, you both have had to step out of the spotlight because someone close to you was present (even though you killed that someone, his wife resurrected him)

Sebek Zigvolt

Totally didn’t freak out about how it was so disrespectful to be more powerful than the great Waka-sama

Even though it was out of your control as you couldn’t choose who your parents were

Sebek was a stickler for the rules, meaning he was your complete opposite, and he absolutely loathed it

You were overly confident, but he made it a point to point out that you couldn’t even inherit the throne without Horus getting in your way, thus you could never equate to His Royal Highness.

That really got on your nerves, so you once caused a storm to reign over Diasomnia, and Sebek spent hours repenting for his sins because he thought Malleus was angry

Everyone laughed because they could tell that the storm clouds were not of the prince’s doing, but rather yours

The angry crocodile then goes to you, questioning your audacity, and you’re just standing there like ‘I killed my own brother and this is what gets you mad?’

As to why you would date this man, nobody knows, but it’s very funny because you both go head-to-head very often

[matchagyudon]

Charisma, Hitoriboushi (A Solitary Tribute Death) - Iori Motohashi English Lyrics Translation

TL Notes:

奉死 (houshi) is kind of a pun of 奉仕 (houshi) which is service. 奉死 (houshi) isn’t really a common combination, but 奉(hou) does have a meaning to “dedicate” which is what Iori is very well known for. He alone (独り, hitori) dedicates his body, and therefore eventually his death to whomever. 奉 in this case is an auxiliary that shows tribute to something. His death (死, shi) is a tribute to those he works himself to death for.

The “humble” pleasure in the sense of kairaku(快楽) is pleasure from freedom of earthly desires.

回峰行/kaihōgyō: thousand-day walk through the mountains from Hieizan to the old Imperial Palace in Kyoto (ascetic practice of the Tendai sect).

澪標/miotsukushi is a play on words (wow this is happening quite a lot here!) of 身を尽くし/mi wo tsukushi. A Heian-era classic Japanese poem (waka) by Prince Moriyoshi goes: “Miserable, now, it is all the same, channel-markers at Naniwa-- even if it costs my life, I will see you again!” (Translation by Dr Joshua Mostow) < That link goes more in-depth between the two. 

I took a bit of liberty with 記憶の花/kioku no hana. Instead of saying “memory flower/flower of memory” I chose to put “forget-me-nots” as the flower most commonly associated with memory.

Also-- I just wanted to point out that the way they "officially" read "houshi" is "boushi" that's why the transliterated title is "Hitoriboushi" but he clearly says it as "houshi" as a reference to the word for service.

The voice calling me to humble pleasure consumed my brain With no way to shake it off, I return to you

Yielding myself to writhe in pleasant submission Controlling my own desires, aah, it drives me crazy

Chores, serving meals, massages Thousand-day pilgrimage, human sacrifice If anyone tries to steal those from me I’d sooner kill them

From the bone, all the way down to the marrow To the softly falling blossoms I would give up my life And it would come to an end… I would serve, serve, and serve-- until my dying breath This solitary tribute death

My favorite collar shackles me As a sign of my vow, if you would please let me be I cannot help but to be your slave For it is my purpose in life

If you wish for it (let me seek it) Tase me, blaze me, dunk me in an ice bath too My body (remembers it) This sinful love, passionately engraved

Please order me around! Come on! (I’ll bring you food) Do you need an organ donor? (Thank you) I’ll take on burdens from an alternate dimension right away Right now

From the bone, all the way down to the marrow To the softly falling blossoms I didn’t choose to be like this This is just how I live

Oneday… I will fall In the end, I’d like to be by your side Bloom, bloom, blooming bountifully I will become your “forget-me-nots”

And if I could be reborn again I would serve you once more Your esteemed orders Please give me more and more

A Solitary Tribute Death (google.com)

[hanafubukki]

It was one day after club activities that Silver spoke up. They were walking home when he breached the topic of his fellow knight's relationship. He's sure to let him know he doesn't want to intrude where he's not welcome, but he's concerned about how his end of the breakup is going. Sebek insists that he's fine but Silver lets him know that he, Malleus, and Lilia have noticed he's been off ever since. It quickly dissolves to Sebek thinking Silver is insinuating that he isn't taking as good care of Malleus post-breakup, not listening to Silver's attempts to correct him. He is temporarily blinded by his usual stubbornness and doubles down that he should have never listened to Malleus and Lilia about courting. Although he did it for his liege, it would have been in his liege's better interest had he outright refused. He should have known better than to let something distract him from the duty he has sworn his life to. For a few days he avoids you completely. He sees you in his peripheral? He moves so he doesn't see you. You're sharing PE? He's juggling the task of keeping track of where you are just so he can stay as far away as possible. At lunch? He stares directly at the floor so that he can't see which line you're standing in. He later laments in his room, sitting on his bed with his hands on his head, that all his efforts to avoid you as to not be distracted has actually made him pay more attention to you, such as the day in PE when you injured yourself and he made a mental note to avoid the nurse's office (but his mind couldn't help but nagg at him, asking if your injury was being treated properly). It had also made him aware of how his heartbeat would quicken when he did think of/tried to avoid you. He was aware now that the more he tried to pull away, the more he wanted to find you and... pull you into his arms? Hold you in his grasp as you just felt each other, or sit in a cozy chair together and read, or have you feed him snacks as you study together, or feel your hands run through his hair either to slick it back for the day or relax it for the night, or sit together in the botanical garden as he tells you about what he and Malleus had been up to lately while you doodled out those very stories for him to keep in a secret album in his room, or share a broom together in PE where he can feel your arms around his waist as you hold on to him, or help you move furniture in ramshackle to inconspicuously show off how much stronger than a regular human he is, or perhaps he may even be able to spend the night and experience falling asleep with your warmth and comforting presence beside him, or-

His eyes glanced up to the portrait of Malleus on his wall. Oh lord Malleus, forgive him for his sins...he releases a sigh as he stands up, solemnly resolved.

Such an unworthy retainer, he was, to dare knock on his liege's door in order to seek council for his own personal shortcomings. Malleus was at first concerned, especially given the serious yet troubled expression Sebek was making as he looked anywhere but at Malleus himself and that he had trouble speaking of why he came to talk. He waited for Sebek to speak his mind, but it wasn't happening. Sebek didn't know what to say- what was troubled over exactly? The subject was of course you, but...."Waka-sama...I...I do not feel myself and I don't know why. I do not want it to impact my duties as your loyal knight, but I- I have not encountered something like this before, thus I do not know how to fix it."

Malleus made a sound of surprise, his eyes widening before his expression reverting to normal, "Is that so? Well, I am glad you came to me. I will do my best to help you sort out your problem. Let's start with the source. Do you know what is causing it?" Sebek's face turns red and he's reluctant to answer, but he mustn't keep his lord waiting. "...___." Malleus feels a hint of giddiness in his stomach at his answer. He sees what this is about now.

(Skip because I cannot write figuring out feelings 😔)

(Continued next ask)

-Fake Date Sebek Anon

(Fake Date Sebek Anonie’s fic: part 1 and part 2)

Hello Fake Date Sebek Anonie 🌷💞🌺

SILVER Speaking up lets goooo and then Sebek just becomes even more in denial, Sebek noooo 😭

Sebek becoming more enamored??? Wanting to hug you and cuddle you and spend time with you??

THEN DO IT?!?! You stubborn one!!

“Oh lord malleus forgive him for his sins” had me laughing 🤣🤣

The fact he went to Malleus for advice!!! That’s adorable!!! You know it would have taken him everything and he must have been really stumped to go to malleus.

Because of course lord malleus would know wouldn’t he??

The way malleus is so giddy about it has me laughing 🤣🤣

What better way to keep mc close than marrying them to a retainer 😂😂

Ohhh I can imagine deuce and ace and grim not letting Sebek get away from hurting mc either.

Poor sebek, this is due to your stubbornness. 🫡

[notiddygxthgf]

here yall i made this tik tok i thought you would enjoy 😭😭😭 waka girlies wya!!!

(stalling to make up for the fact that ive been MIA for a month w party monster)

taglist bc why not: @midtwenties-angst, @sleepysnk, @enneadec, @noaabean, @galactict3a, @em1e, @drakensdarling, @wakashawty, @satanlovesusall666, @sin-and-punishment, @mztoman, @sanzuicide, @bontensbabygirl, @strawberrychrome, @scaraphobia, @bertholdts--butt

[omegaremix]

Summer 2021 Mixtape.

DMX ft. Griselda: “Hood Blues”

Mount Westmore: “Step Child”

Sal Dulu ft. Fly Anakin: “Zumo”

Prodigy ft. Knxwledge: “The Good Fight”

Ho99o9: “Prey Or Pray”

Pete Rosenberg ft. Method Man & Raekwon & Willie The Kid: “Next Chamber”

Cypress Hill: “Band Of Gypsies”

Nickelus F & Ohbliv:“Might As Well”

L’il Ugly Mane: “Addict”

B0nds: “Misty Dawn”

Benny The Butcher ft. Freddie Gibbs: “One Way Flight”

Conway The Machine ft. El Camino: “Forever Droppin’ Tears”

Dabrye ft. Clear Soul Forces: “Sysfo Ridin’”

Obnox: “Concrete Rose” (Stoneflower RMX)

Flatbush Zombies: “Dirty Elevator Music”

Bronze Nazareth & Recognize Ali: “Season Of The Seven”

Termanology & Shortfyuz: “T2”

JPEGMAFIA: “Baby I’m Bleeding”

Kyron: “Who Shot Rudy”

clipping.:“Say The Name”

Nnamdi Ogbonnaya: “Gimme Gimme”

Snowy ft. Jason Williamson: “Effed”

Dark Time Sunshine:“The Rite Kids”

Ho99o9: “Pray Or Prey”

Lungs ft. Olasegun: “Bowcasters”

Tyler The Creator: “Wilshire”

DMX ft. Jay Z & Nas: “Bath Salts”

Dabrye: “Nova”

Heavy Joker: “Rainy Day”

Freeway: “Abahambi”

Arena: Scrichell Cat

Asiko: “Lagos City”

Terry Callier: “You Don’t Care”

Joe Thomas: “Mr. Mumbles”

Steve Gray: “The Double Take”

Creative Funk: “Funk Power”

Sonny Fortune: “Come In Out Of The Rain”

Donald Byrd: “I Feel Like Loving You Today”

Breath Of Life: “Keep In Touch”

Michael Soward: “Standing On The Top”

Sengerema (Kagunga) S.D.A. Choir: “Simba Wa Yuda”

Awa Paulo: “Mido Yirima”

William Onyeabor: “Atomic Bomb”

Francis Bebey: “Di Saegi”

SK Kakraba (Lobi): “Darifu”

Charles A. Chepwonky: “Kas Imam O Pilista”

Hallo Dawe: “Neighbors”

Alhaja Queen Salawa Abeni & Her Waka Moderniser: “Mo Ti Goke”

Mahmoud Guinia: سَاسْتْ دِيمَانْيُو

Na Hawa Doumbia: “Abayetidu Ma”

Awalom Gebremariam: “Desdes”

Awa Paulo: ”Djara Wilam”

Knocked Loose: “Damned Earth”

Incendiary: “Silence Is A Sentence”

Body Count: “The Hate Is Real”

Sworn Enemy: “Integrity Defines Strength”

Harm’s Way: “Call My Name”

Knocked Loose: “D.T.A.H.”

Sanction: “sixhundredandthirtyone”

City Of Industry: “Your Rope, Europe”

Hangman: “Worthless”

False Maria: “L.A. Sucks”

Pleasure Corps: “Death And Love Can Both Be Bought”

Moonbeam Terror: “Revenant”

Valentina Artaud / Monochromatic: “Rigor Romance”

Lana Del Rabies: “The Ides Of March”

Chelsea Wolfe & Emma Ruth Rundle: “Anhedonia”

Sharon Van Etten & Angel Olsen: “Like I Used To”

Nicole Dollanganger: “Chapel”

Mrs. Piss: “Knelt”

Guerilla Toss: “Eraser Stargazer Forever”

cumgirl8: “Waffles”

Conditioner Disco Group: “(Don’t Gotta’) Raise A Family”

Child’s Pose: “L’il Snitch”

Buzzcocks, The: “Everybody’s Happy Nowadays”

Captain Sensible: “Wot”

Hum: “Desert Rambler”

Neurosis: “Takeanase”

Pill: “Sin Compromiso”

Tapes: “Tape V” + “Old Pan Sound”

[dark-mnjiro]

unholy :: tokyo revengers oneshot

author’s note: so - it’s finally here. my three some collab piece for @/sweetbbyshion collab. time to remove another notch off the wip list so I can add another!

warnings: sano shinichiro x afab!reader x imaushi wakasa, nsfw, smut, reader is identified as female (they/them pronouns used), threesome, explicit sexual content, explicit language, slut shaming, name calling, hair pulling, spanking, choking, blowjob, throat fucking/face fucking, edging (m!receiving), unprotected sex, breeding, meandom!waka, switch!shin, throat bulge, throat fucking, swallowing, overestimation, reader is mentioned exotic dancer, casual/hookup relationship with wakasa mentioned, smoking mention

collab: sunday spitroast by @sweetbbyshion

“F-fuck.”

Panting, Shinichiro’s dark gaze fell on the sinful sight in front of him. His hips bucked forward, earning a desperate whine from you as you felt his cock move further into your mouth. His hand tangled in your hair before gripping your tresses, tugging you further down his length. Your tearful gaze met him as another whine vibrated against his cock. You could tell he was almost spent… You managed to pull away, gulping air before your eyes darkened. 

“Not yet,” you told him. 

A shaky breath fell from Shinichiro’s lips as his fingers moved through his damp hair. “Y-You can’t just-!”

Shushing him, your hands moved back to his erection, stroking him as your tongue moved from the base to his leaky top. Shinichiro practically winced at the stimulation as he tried to keep his hips from bucking. It felt as though this edging had been going on for hours.

“They’re great, right?”

Shinichiro felt his face burn as he opened one eye to catch his best friend standing behind you. “Waka… what the fuck?”

“What?” he drawled. “You can’t hog one of my booty calls all to yourself.” He paused for a moment before playfully smacking your ass. “On your knees, princess.”

A giggle bubbled from your throat as you sat up on your knees before playfully wiggling your bottom for him. The metal from his belt unclasped before you heard his pants hitting the floor. 

“That’s it,” he teased. “Pay attention to my friend, princess.”

It was hard to recall when the lines between being Wakasa’s favorite exotic dancer and booty call at two am began to blur. You were far from his only “one”, but you had to admit - you did enjoy all the attention you received. Especially when Wakasa would offer your body up to his closest friends. Shinichiro, being your newfound favorite… 

Your tongue ran along the tip of Shinichiro’s erection, earning a groan to rumble from his chest. “Shin,” you cooed. “You sound so pretty. Do you like this?”

His face flushed once again as you took his length into your mouth again. “Y-yes,” he managed to say in between pants. 

Moaning, you swirl your tongue around his girth before feeling Wakasa's hardened length begin to push into your dripping core thanks to the constant edging of Wakasa’s innocent friend. You could tell by how flustered he was, he didn’t get around much (not only that but Wakasa had told you the horror stories of Shinichiro’s constant rejections).

“Look up,” Wakasa ordered as his hand gathered your hair into his grip before tugging your hair back. “Show him those pretty eyes - it’ll help him cum.”

A whine escaped your throat, causing another groan to escape from Shinichiro. You looked up at him, tears forming in the corner of your eyes. His breathing was becoming erratic before shyly looked back at you. His hips stuttered for a moment before thrusting further into your throat, earning a gag. You steadied your hands against his hips as Wakasa began to thrust into you. 

“That’s it,” Wakasa grunted as his pace quickened. “Fucking look at what a slutty girl we got Shin. Fuck… she clenches every time you fucking moan.”

You managed to whine, embarrassed by Wakasa's words as you continued to look up at Shinichiro, wishing he would stop holding back. 

“Oh come on man,” Wakasa groaned. “Fuck their face already. They’re begging you. Look at’em!”

He was right.

It was hard to admit with Shinichiro’s cock in your mouth, but Wakasa knew your body better than anyone. And he could tell, you wanted Shinichiro. A strangled whine tumbled from your throat as your grip on Shinichiro’s hips tightened. You were begging, almost pleading now. While you knew Shinichiro was fairly inexperienced with sex. But, you knew from personal experience with men that a bit of edging seemed to flip a switch in their brain, but you just hadn’t reached that peak yet. It seemed Wakasa had other plans to move things along a bit faster.

“Fuck.”

It wasn’t Wakasa’s voice. 

Shinichiro grabbed Wakasa’s hand, tossing it away earning a chuckle from his best friend as his thrusts into you quickened again. Instead, Shinichiro’s hand found its place tangled in your locks again before forcing you to look up at him. Your body shuddered from the delicious mix of pain and pleasure from his sudden dominant energy. He pushed his cock further into your mouth before his other hand moved to your throat, encircling just enough as he pushed his length just enough to feel it under his grip. 

“Right there,” Shinichiro growled. “Can you feel me right there?”

A desperate cry of pleasure vibrated against his cock before he pulled out just enough before unleashed a mind-numbing pace.

“About fucking time you joined in, dumbass,” Wakasa countered before slapping your ass again. The tip of Wakasa’s cock began to hit your g-spot causing the tears in the corner of your eyes to start falling down your cheeks while Shinichiro's pace quickened. 

Twirling your tongue around Shinichiro’s cock, your eyes rolled back while pleasure began to wash over your body. You were nearing your breaking point as Wakasa struck your ass again, sensing your walls clenching around him. 

“What a dirty slut you are,” he growled. “Gonna cum all over my cock already? You like my friend shoving his cock down your throat huh? Fucking slut. Fucking tell’em Shin. Tell’em what a slut they are.”

Shinichiro's breathing at this point was erratic as his gaze never broke away from yours this entire time. His climax was coming closer - he knew he couldn’t hold out much longer. He thought, why did you have to be so cute? 

“Fuck baby,” he groaned in between pants. “I’m so close… I-I-”

Wakasa bucked into you harder. “Spit it out!”

Shinichiro shot his friend a frustrated glare before his gaze softened when he returned his attention to you. “I’m going to cum in your mouth,” he managed to finally say. “Don’t swallow until I say.”

Your eyes widened as you felt heat creeping up the back of your neck. But you couldn’t stop yourself from nodding, wanting anything more than to make him happy. Shinichiro’s hips stuttered again before he grunted and shot his cum into your mouth. Whining, you forced yourself not to swallow until he let you.

“…nnngh-show me…”

Your mouth fell open as Shinichiro took in the lewd sight of his cum pooled on your tongue. 

“Swallow…”

Immediately, you followed his order before your body finally succumbed to the growing pleasure inside of you. The coil snapped in your gut before you cried out as pleasure washed over your body. 

“Fuck!” Wakasa growled as he felt you clench around him again from your orgasm. His hips slammed into you one last time before releasing inside you with a grunt. Overwhelmed with exhaustion, you collapsed onto the floor, panting.

Wakasa smirked as he watched his seed start to leak out of you before glancing up at Shinichiro. “Want to go again?” He asked. “This time I’ll let you fuck’em.”

“…let’s give them a break first.”

Wakasa scoffed. “Fucking fine. You’re no fun.”

He rolled his eyes. “Dumbass. They’re almost passed out.”

“Oh please,” he snorted. “I’ve fucked them right to-”

“I get it jackass.”

Wakasa merely smirked before picking you up and laying you on the couch and throwing a blanket over your body to rest. He glanced at his friend over his shoulder. “Wanna go for a smoke then?”

“Fuck yes.”

[evelynstarshine]

Dr Cassandra Joseph led the Otago study that unexpectedly revealed that tomboyism can be associated with trauma.

‘Tomboyism’ is often fondly celebrated by society as an accepted form of gender nonconformity but is not commonly associated with trauma.

However, that is the unexpected finding from a new University of Otago, Ōtākou Whakaihu Waka study published in the Journal of Gender Studies.

When Otago PhD graduate Cassandra Joseph set out to interview tomboys from a range of cultures about their experiences growing up, neither she nor the study participants anticipated the trauma and distress they had sometimes faced would feature strongly in their conversations.

“The media often paints tomboyism to be a carefree experience, with tomboys being heralded as ‘rebels’,” she says.

“Nobody associates tomboys with trauma.”

Dr Joseph interviewed 11 assigned-female-at-birth (AFAB) tomboys aged between ages 24 – 42 of various ethnicities and a range of gender identities from Aotearoa New Zealand, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands, Singapore and the United States.

As interviews progressed, it became clear that for study participants there was often a sense of unhealed trauma that came with discussing past or present tomboyism.

Some identified as tomboys as a form of self-preservation, while others were labelled with the term and experienced bullying or ostracisation.

One participant from Singapore described how in secondary school, male students would pull her skirt and say she looked ‘like a boy’, and the bullying became so bad she took up taekwondo to feel safe.

Another participant spoke of adopting a tomboy persona because her religious upbringing had taught her that within the church, women were deemed sinful by being desirable to men.

When she was 10 years old, two men attempted to assault her. By appearing as a tomboy, she felt she would be less desirable to men and therefore safer.

A transgender study participant noted the male privilege and increased sense of personal safety he experienced when he became male-passing - a sense of ‘brute strength’ that other participants also identified helped them feel safe.

The study suggests that in such cases, tomboyism has been used as a kind of self-preservation from “the leering eyes of the patriarchy”.

“While this is not the case for all tomboys, it is rather telling that AFAB people have to navigate gender norms to embody gender traits that make them feel safe,” Dr Joseph says.

For many of the participants, once they reached puberty they felt expected to conform to feminine conventions. Many struggled to reconcile their inherent tomboy nature and the expectations of society, resulting in a feeling of ‘gender melancholia’.

“To grow up feeling a sense of freedom that aligns with one’s tomboy identity only to have that stripped away during puberty and post-puberty is a trauma that has been previously unrecognised when it comes to the tomboy narrative,” Dr Joseph says.

She hopes the study might encourage the public to think critically about gender and to realise that the socially imposed binary of masculine/ feminine is more fluid than people might think.

“We also have a responsibility of care towards anyone who challenges our preconceived notions of gender.”

While the concept of tomboyism itself originated in the 16th century and was first used to describe unruly boys, over the years the term tomboy has “shapeshifted” and is bound to do so again in future, Dr Joseph says.

“There is a growing vocabulary around gender-nonconformity, and tomboyism has historically served as a stepping stone into more contemporary discussions on gender and sexuality.

“I think the concept of tomboyism will continue to remain a starting platform in the discussion of gender nonconformity, even if the term ‘tomboy’ isn’t as actively used in some contexts.”

source article

[stxrmylxve]

My worderful moots

@kelin-is-writing 💜 (dabi’s crush)

@daddys-little-boi-toy 💞 (the best fic finder)

@tenjikusstuff 🏃‍♀️ (the name says it all 💀)

@microvan ❤️ (my long gone bestie)

@shelly-ya 💓 (the best scenario writter wtf)

@sleepysnk 🫶 (my theme buddy)

@sin-and-punishment 💛 (far too underrated writer)

@wakashawty 🐉 (waka waka)

wanna be one? hop into my dms 🤸‍♂️

[beefbloodcinnamonrolls]

How Final Fantasy X left me with so many emotions.

This is my first time playing a Final Fantasy game.

AHHH HA-HA

Tidus's antics either left me stunned or amused. Like whining about food in the underwater ruins then nearly choking to death on the food Rikku gives him. Launching the Blitzball into the sea, and kicking that one kid's into the plains along the highroad. Play fighting with Waka while Yuna was making her case to the Ronso, whatever the hell was happening in the background of one of the temples and just so much more. Nice character. Very Himbo.

HA-HA

Fell in love with the soundtrack after hearing the Besaid theme.

HA-HA

First time crying was when Waka was telling Tidus how much he reminded him of Chappu and then receiving Brotherhood.

HA-HA

I laughed when Tidus told the priest at the temple he didn't give a damn about their traditions and wanted to help Yuna.

HA-HA

Valefor is best girl. She killed Anima and the stone defender before Mt. Gagazet. She was the last one I sacrificed.

HA-HA

I was surprised to see chocobos powering the S. S. Liki. I also liked running in circles with the kids before their mom scolded them. The Jecht shot took what, 50 tries?

HA-HA

Felt a little heartbroken after failing to save Kilika. At least I got to save that one kid on the docks.

HA-HA

Got to the woods and "Calm Before the Storm" hit me like a ton of bricks after not hearing it for years.

HA-HA

Not fair how the boys start the race before you can move.

HA-HA

Damn the Luca Goers.

HA-HA

Ifrit is best demon dog/boar thing. He killed Spherimorph after it got stuck on fire spells. Loved how he carried Yuna on his shoulder.

HA-HA

Luca was fun to explore, especially when I got to annoy the reporter lady.

HA-HA

I believe in the Aurochs, even if I never won a game or scored a goal. Blitzball unfortunately combines the two things I'm bad at, sports and math.

HA-HA

As soon as I saw Seymour I thought, "villain".

HA-HA

I kept wondering when O'aka XXIII was going to pay me back the 400 gil I loaned him. Apparently he just gave the money to a random Al Bhed woman. Regardless, I was overjoyed to see him freed from jail and cried when he told the story of his sister.

HA-HA

I enjoyed walking through town with Yuna on her and Tidus's first date.

HA-HA

What do you mean 5,000 gil for one cutscene???

HA-HA

I cheered on as Kimahri punched Yenke and Biran.

HA-HA

I felt so disappointed in myself for letting Waka and the little fan section down.

HA-HA

Sure hope I don't have to fight that big demon thing Seymour just called up.

HA-HA

Achieving victory on the highroad with Tidus lying dead on the ground.

HA-HA

Guilt consumed me as I watched the chocobo feather flutter to the ground after getting pushed off the cliff by the Eater.

HA-HA

I decided to name my chocobo, Henry.

HA-HA

The Dark Magus Sisters kicked my ass and all I could do was watch.

HA-HA

I didn't know I was ordering a death sentence on Gatta or Luzzu, I just wanted to give Gatta sensible advice. At least Lulu got to hear the truth and Waka got a good swing in before Luzzu got sliced in half.

HA-HA

I forgot I had Yuna's Nulshock ability so Sinspawn Gui was probably a lot harder than it had to be. I forgot I had most of my abilities a lot of the time so I just kept relying on Haste.

HA-HA

When I first heard "Wandering Flame" I felt this immense sorrow and sense of failure. The Crusaders fought so hard only for it to all amount to nothing. Wondered what anyone could do to beat Sin. Hearing Gatta scream and breakdown hit me hard.

HA-HA

Ixion is best electric unicorn. Once I remembered his element was lightning the Thunder Plains were much easier.

HA-HA

Why can't I pet the little lemurs bouncing around Djose Temple, Square??? They were begging to be picked up!

HA-HA

I went back around the map before the final battle and those two guards who pretend to arrest you are probably my favorite NPCs. Along with O'aka of course.

HA-HA

Yuna's little bedhead incident got a laugh out of me. It was nice to see the party joyful for once. This was the point when I started to get invested in them.

HA-HA

I really wanted to see the Moonflow at night.

HA-HA

Yuna's shoopuf story was adorable.

HA-HA

I hated Tromell, especially the way he yanked Yuna around.

HA-HA

Going back to Guadosalam I felt bad for the Guado, especially when the Blitzball player apologized on behalf of them all. I enjoyed Tromell's suffering though.

HA-HA

I was against Seymour's marriage proposal from the start.

HA-HA

I cried three times at the Farplane. First with Waka talking to Chappu while Lulu looked on. Then with Yuna talking to her parents and asking Tidus about his. And finally with the parents who were visiting their son after Operation Mi'ihen.

HA-HA

Now that I think about it the concept of the Farplane is kinda messed up.

HA-HA

I was very tempted to choose the third option when Lulu warned Tidus not to fall for Yuna.

HA-HA

I HATE love the Thunder Plains. Between getting ambushed every five seconds and the lightning strikes I haven't been this frustrated with a game since the sliding walls in the Spirit Temple in OOT.

HA-HA

Guess who didn't swing back to Besaid for the Jecht sphere.

HA-HA

I did cry when Auron told Tidus that Jecht does indeed love him. Was nice to see Jecht's changes throughout the story because of Braska's and Auron's influences.

HA-HA

I almost died to that damn Crawler. Luckily Lulu was able to finish it off with Thundara fury before its big beam.

HA-HA

I laughed when Kimahri flipped the snowmobile over.

HA-HA

That temple lady saved all of Spira when she went through Yuna's luggage because Seymour was rushing her around.

HA-HA

I also laughed when Kimahri shoved the priest outta the way. Well deserved.

HA-HA

Perhaps the battle would've gone a lot smoother if I remembered Rikku could steal the guards potions.

HA-HA

Shiva is best ice lady. So she died to Anima, she at least got her revenge against Seymour during the final battle when he got stuck on Blizzaga.

HA-HA

First surprise was seeing O'aka warping. Second surprise was having to actually run from the guards.

HA-HA

Stupid goddamn Yeti bitch from the lowest depths of Hell.

HA-HA

I cried when Kimahri said Rikku should be Rikku at the bottom of Lake Macalania.

HA-HA

I cried when Tidus was talking to Sin. His voice was so tender it felt like the most heartfelt conversation he and Jecht ever had.

HA-HA

Wandering through the desert and picking up those potions, I began thinking the Al Bhed weren't so bad after all.

HA-HA

Poor Kimahri...

HA-HA

Goddamn, son of a bitch Cactuars. At least I got to kill one before the end.

HA-HA

I don't know what Rikku got stuck on, but Tidus had to roam the desert by himself with this strange noise in the background.

HA-HA

Uncle Cid's funny. I will permanently have "Ye haw! Here We Go!" and "The final showdown with Sin-" burned into my memory.

HA-HA

Guess who didn't explore the other rooms in Home before the door shut.

HA-HA

The thing that hit me the most during the big reveal was how sorry Not Valefor looked when Tidus asked her why.

HA-HA

The fight against Evrae was pretty fun, too bad the armor I bought barely helped. Thank goodness for Al Bhed potions.

HA-HA

Yes, the cutscene of storming Bevelle is cool, but boy was it a nerve wracking experience with no save spheres. Stupid flamethrowers, stupid robots. Auron was the only one I had left and he was nearly finished. Luckily his armor break ability was enough to destroy the final robot. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

HA-HA

I smiled when Kimahri helped Tidus open the door.

HA-HA

Bahamut is best dragon boy. I was in awe of his strength down in Via Purifico and he took the heat most of the time. I liked the way Yuna stood timidly behind him and the way he looked down on her.

HA-HA

I chuckled when Auron commented: "I hate this place".

HA-HA

Despite the whole betrayal thing, I was glad to see Isaaru and his brothers upon returning to Bevelle. Out of the gate Bahamut nuked Not Ifrit with his overdrive and pretty much handled the whole fight until Shiva took over for Not Bahamut.

HA-HA

Good thing I read a YouTube comment about using Phoenix Downs on Evrae Altana.

HA-HA

Is it wrong that I just spammed the Aeons against Seymour?

HA-HA

Water boy and dancing girl big dork couple.

HA-HA

They really just photoshopped the Grand Canyon into the background of the Calm Lands didn't they?

HA-HA

Someone's slipping those chocobos sips of red wine because they're veering off course like tipsy ostriches.

HA-HA

Did you know you can learn Lulu's level three spells before Zanarkand? Spares Tidus from having to get his head repeatedly bashed by the stone guardian.

HA-HA

Yojimbo is the best cheapskate. I slipped him 600,000 gil in order to kill Sin and onwards he cheated me out of Zanmato. At least Yuna petting his dog is cute and the fact that it followed him to the grave is sweet.

HA-HA

Maybe getting pissed when Yenke and Biran called Kimahri hornless is what got me through the fight. Along with high potions and the music.

HA-HA

I cried at Braska's final message for Yuna. Gotta love supportive dads.

HA-HA

Which's more twisted? Mt. Gagazet or Valak Mountain?

HA-HA

Fuck Seymour Flux. Worse than Yunalesca. Did you know if you keep using the Aeons you can restart Tidus's and Yuna's turns? First Strike is a miracle worker.

HA-HA

That janky frame rate on the waterfall made me feel nostalgic for PS2 era graphics.

HA-HA

BIG CHUCHU!

HA-HA

The trials in the caves were fun.

HA-HA

The Sanctuary Keeper was a tough battle until I realized casting Reflect on it stops it from healing.

HA-HA

I straight up bawled during Yuna's goodbye message to the party. First with her and Rikku hugging and when I realized they are cousins. Second thanking Auron for bringing Kimahri into her life. Third was learning that Kimahri hugged her after Braska's death and her begging him not to leave after delivering her to Besaid and saying she likes his horn. Fourth was telling Waka and Lulu they're her big brother and sister and reminiscing about their childhood in Besaid. Finally thanking Tidus for letting her experience her first love.

HA-HA

The background music staying on in Zanarkand gave me this feeling of determination along with watching the pyreflies float about and thinking of the Fayth in the wall. I wanted to avenge them.

HA-HA

I cried over young Auron begging Braska not to go through with destroying Sin.

HA-HA

Hopping around the Spectral Keeper was fun along with the Tetris puzzles.

HA-HA

Yunalesca wasn't as hard as I was expecting her to be. I did die the first time because I removed Zombie. Yuna's Holy was largely responsible for finishing her off along with Shiva. I sure as hell wasn't sticking around for Dark Bahamut.

HA-HA

Ya know, Sin is kinda cute when you look at it from the front.

HA-HA

I smiled when Cid hid his crying. Yuna must've really looked like her mother at that point. Rikku was really impressed with Waka for apologizing for his racism against the Al-Bhed.

HA-HA

I stuck with Tidus, Auron, and Yuna for the final battles. Just felt personal that way.

HA-HA

The City of Dying Dreams gave me similar vibes to Agniratha.

HA-HA

I take back all my hard feelings against the Thunder Plains, the goddamn Nucleus is the 9th Circle of Hell compared.

HA-HA

Jecht's battle was truly amazing. "Otherworld" got my heart pumping and I was on edge the whole time. One scary moment was when Jecht nearly nuked the party, but thankfully I had saved my one and only Mega Elixir. Yuna was the one responsible for defeating Jecht with Holy. They really needed the HD graphics for one frame of Tidus crying over Jecht.

HA-HA

Up until the moment I had to choose who to sacrifice I was in complete denial over the Aeons' ultimate fate. It was a bittersweet feeling in the end. I was happy they were getting to rest, but heartbroken that they were leaving Yuna.

HA-HA

I expected to cry during the final cutscenes, but Auron's "death" hit me the hardest. I kinda forgot he wasn't alive to begin with.

HA!!!!

Final Thoughts:

I had zero expectations for what this game would be like. What I certainly wasn't expecting was it to become one of my favorite games of all time. Those five star reviews were right: it was an emotional journey. Bracing myself for a divisive X2. All and all I'm glad I chose it as my first Final Fantasy. Can't wait to see what else the series has to offer.

I'm going to try VIII next. I'll stumble my way through it but I'll probably have a good time regardless. I hear it's flawed but I like a good underdog and besides, I love XB2, if you wanna know what my tolerance for goofy stuff is.

[suguru-getos]

Kinktober day 12:

Cockwarming w/ Ayato Kamisato

You were tired, it had been weeks since you and Ayato could have what is called intimacy. All you could see was him buried in papers, occasionally asking you to join him for lunch. For dinner….

After he was free from his daily tasks as the commissoner to resume to bed, he already found you slumped and in solemn slumber. There was a lack of time, lack of perspective. You needed that in your relationship. How did you choose to get that? Simple, by being a pain in his ass.

You haven’t been talking to him since a week. Immature; but you were tired of upholding the maturity that you no longer wanted. You were tired of doing the duties of the Commissioner’s wife diligently. Today was the last straw.

“I suggest we can have dinner? Maybe… lunch even. I just want us to talk, my dear love” Ayato cooed, to which you scoffed and rolled your eyes. “Sorry, Waka sama. I am not interested in the slightest. I would rather have dinner with Thoma. He is far more interesting and can make a real conversation,”

Ayato knew you didn’t mean it, you knew you didn’t mean it. Even so, his brows furrowed as he walked towards you predatorily, your reflexes forcing you to take steps back until your back was collided to the nearest wall.

“Well then, as the Waka-sama, I order your presence in my cabin in an hour,” with that… he walked away.

You didn’t know why you were blazing hot with adrenaline. You couldn’t deny him after all. And here you were now.

One order turned to another, into another, into another.

Your back was snug against his clothed chest, skirt folded neatly on the side of Ayato’s table, cunt throbbing in need stuffed full of his girthy cock. Ayato made sure to watch you strip your lower garments, sarcastically degrade you into folding them like you should and keeping them in their proper place, and then watching you slip his member inside your needy sex.

You have tried to move three times, in total. Ayato was not having it, slapping your pussy with his gloved hand while not batting and eye to your form, writing a letter to the Tenryou commission for an event. Your moans and whines were paid no heed, your anxiety was quenched because he did ask you to close the door.

“Do not be loud, what if your dearest Thoma hears your sinful moans because your sex can’t have enough of me,” he cooed softly, stretching your pussy lips and kissing the nape of your neck.

“Yato— please, move” you’re losing your mind, panting and quivering around him, being stretched apart so good, being plush against him, feeling his scent comfort you, soothe you.

“I will,” Ayato knew you were approaching your limit, any more sternness from him would now make you feel bad. He knew the difference between making you feel small and making you feel bad.

“You’re doing so well, just let me finish this up, and I will reward you, okay?” He kissed your cheek, while you nodded, leaning your head against his shoulder and relaxing.

“Good girl,”

[feliciadraws]

Nightmare

Okami - Waka/Mei

Angst...just...angst; may or may not be a companion piece to my 'Fear' piece from this year's Spookami (ya know, this thing)

Also shoutout to my partner-in-cringe and fellow angst enjoyer @bamboorocket because we do be enjoying that angst

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Straight through her... The unclean claws of those foul, wretched beasts...they just...tore straight through her...

How could he have let this happen...how could he have stood by, anchored to where he stood as if with chains, chains weighted with his sins...how could he have just...watched...watched as Mei was slashed to pieces by those twisted creatures, her fragile body left eviscerated, blood pouring from the horrific gashes carved across her delicate flesh...she was so delicate...so helpless...she didn't even stand a chance against those beasts...and he couldn't, no, didn't even come to her aid... Waka's heart came to a standstill as his innards wrenched with the horror of the sight, only freed from his paralysis as he dashed forward to catch her as her bleeding, broken body slowly collapsed to the ground, the air and time itself around him thickening to a murky viscosity as this very nightmare played out in slow, hazy motion. He fell to his knees, distraught as she fell limply into his hands... Blood...there was...so much...blood...it was everywhere, pouring from every open inch of her body...flesh ripped open, the taint of decay left from their unclean talons already eating into her wounds...

"Wa...ka...I'm...I'm sor-..." Mei weakly whispered as she raised a bloodied hand to Waka's cheek, sounding almost as if she were attempting to apologise...apologise for what? For his sins? For the blood on his hands? For dying at the hands of one of the very demons that he had allowed into this world? For being doomed by the lingering aftershock of his own doings?

"No...no, Mei...ma cherie...this was..." Waka tried to remain strong for his love, tried to comfort her as he cradled her tenderly as she lay dying in his arms, holding the tiny hand that weakly graced his cheek, feeling as the life, the spirit, slowly, achingly, slipped from her body...

Her chest fell as a single final breath escaped her lungs, the arm that had held the last of her strength went lifeless, the light disappeared from her eyes like the dying flame of a burnt out candle...she was...

"Mei...ma...cherie? Non...non non non non non...no...Mei...no..." Waka loosened his hand as Mei's bloodied arm fell limply to the ground, her dead, lifeless body resting in his arms as his heart begun to crack, shattering into a million pieces as the cruel reality was laid before him, hitting him like a brutal sledgehammer.

Mei...she was dead...she really was dead...and yet... "No...no, Mei...stay with me...Mei...no...s'il-te-plait reste avec moi..." his voice begun to wobble as his heart broke in his chest, the sheer agony that permeated every fibre of his being reverting him to his mother tongue in his devastation. "S'il-te-plait reste avec moi..." he whispered with vain, futile desperation as the heartbreak that rose from his core collected in his eyes as tears begun to streak down his face, mixing with the blood, Mei's blood, that had been smeared on his cheek. Waka shuddered with horror as he looked down...he saw Mei's blood smeared all over him, spread across his kimono, across his sleeves...on his hands...her blood, her innocent blood, was on his hands. Now...now he couldn't even speak...all he could do was kneel in heartbroken horror as his love lay dead in his arms, her blood shed by reason of his own foolishness...

"Mei...ma cherie...de-...desole..." he tearfully whispered as he lowered his face to hers, the tears dripping from his eyes and onto her bloodied face as he wept, cupping her cheek in his hand while her residual warmth still lingered in her now lifeless flesh.

As he wept and mourned, he could only reel as the phantoms that swam in his mind crawled from their hiding places in the depths of his soul to remind him of the reason as Mei joined the ranks of the many, many souls doomed to their cold, stony graves by his hand, the blood that stained his footsteps wherever he dared to tread...

His mother, his people...

The Celestials, Amaterasu, Himiko...

All of them...dead...all of their blood staining his hands...and now Mei had joined them.

He swore he would protect her, even if he had to give his life, and yet she still paid the price that should have been his to pay…maybe…this was inevitable. He was a prophet, his eyes could see through the very veil of time and glimpse events yet to come, maybe he had foreseen it and denied his vision for fear of losing the girl he so dearly loved.

Maybe…maybe he really did carry a curse upon his shoulders, that everyone and everything he loved was destined to die…

As he raised his eyes to the heavens in his anguish, the voices of those same phantoms whispered darkness to his soul, moaning and crying to him... "It wasn't the demons...you brought them here...you brought them to her. It was you, Waka...YOU KILLED HER." "YOU...KILLED...HER..."

"Waka...Waka...Waka..." an ethereal voice called out amidst the swirling torment of his nightmare, like a sword of light slicing through winding tendrils of dark, and as his eyes shot open, as if like a flash of lightning burning away the storm clouds swirling in the skies of his consciousness, the hellscape of his nightmare had all but disappeared; he was back in their bedroom, and there she was.

"Waka...you were having a nightmare again, weren't you...?"

There she was...sweet, beautiful, darling Mei...her perfect skin free from any sort of mutilation, her eyes, those beautifully dark eyes, as dark as wells of ink yet bright with life and the light of the lamp by the futon, open and earnest...there were few times he was so happy to see her beautiful face than after such horrific nightmares.

His gaze softened, melting like frost with the warm touch of spring, upon seeing her face, his eyes relaxing as his ragged breaths steadied with her touch as she brushed her delicate fingers over his cheek, right where her hand had been in the nightmare he had just awoken from. That dainty hand, free from blood or cuts or any sort of demonic taint…the relief he felt cast a haze of warmth over the dimly lit room as he tenderly turned to her, gently resting a hand to her own cheek in a bittersweet, perhaps superficial reassurance.

"Oh..." Waka replied with an outwardly pleasant sigh of utter relief as he formed a smile on his face, leaning in to plant a kiss on her cheek, as per the norm, "you shouldn't worry yourself, ma cherie...just lay yourself back down, get some more sleep…” Phantom fingers hooked their way around his heartstrings upon seeing the worried look in her eyes as they lay back down, the poignant melody played ringing through his head as she curled herself up on his chest...

He looked to her, so...so small and...fragile in his scarred arms as he held her… He looked to the ceiling, and asked himself...how? How would he tell her? Would he even tell her? The girl who took the weeping cracks in his broken heart and sealed them with gold, the girl who finally silenced the tormented screams of a thousand doomed souls wailing and weeping in his head... How would he tell her that the nightmares she helped soothe were macabre portraits painted by the bloodied brush of his sins, the guilt that had left poisoned hooks in soul for over two centuries...the horrifying portraits of her bloody demise?

[glaive-guisarme]

A much-needed word in Toki Pona

Toki Pona does not have a word for happiness, which feels like an oversight. Yes, certainly, one can say "pilin pona," but I would argue that "pona," as a feeling, is better translated as contentment, a low-key positivity, as distinct from joy. Along these lines, there's no word for laughter; one can certainly say "kalama pi pilin pona" but that's wordy, and again, I'd be inclined to interpret it as a contented sigh.

To that end, I am proposing a nimi sin, a new word to fill this lexical gap:

waka

As a verb: to laugh, to smile, to otherwise express joy.

As a noun: happiness; a smile or laughter. Alternately, a thing which makes one joyful, e.g.: a joke.

As an adjective: Amusing, unserious (overlapping somewhat with, but distinct from, nasa).

As an adverb: Joyfully, with great verve and intensity as with a sudden laugh.

Sitelen pona: As below: two semicircles nested inside one another, with a smaller full circle above. The sitelen is related to uta, with the additional curve within suggesting its relationship to pona. The additional circle above disambiguates it visually.

Etymology: From the Ursine "wocka," laughter. Derived from the Modern Vaudevillian and popularized by comedian soweli Fasi, who frequently urged his audience to laugh uproariously.

"o waka waka!"

[mariaceciliacamozzi]

Amore e poesia

Nel Paese del Sol levante, l'amore è tutt'ora pervaso dall'effimero e dalla vulnerabilità della vita. Infatti, nella cultura giapponese, sin dall'antichità non esistevano parole corrispondenti ad "amore", in senso sentimentale.

Nella tradizione giapponese chi si ama non ha l'abitudine di esternare il proprio affetto in modo così aperto, come è invece consuetudine in Europa.

Quando gli amanti, un po' timidi o riservati di carattere, si comunicano il proprio sentimento lo fanno in modi più sottili, per esempio scambiandosi poesie "waka", componimenti che seguono raffinate tecniche letterarie.

Natsume Sōseki (1867-1916), il romanziere nipponico più importante dell'epoca moderna dopo Murasaki Shikibu, che studiò letteratura inglese un paio d'anni a Londra, scrisse anche una trattazione su come tradurre "I love you" nella sua lingua madre e formulò una traduzione piuttosto originale, che poteva essere resa con "la Luna è bella, vero?". Questa particolare traduzione risuona ancora oggi nei cuori dei giapponesi, dato che se ne fa spesso uso nei social media.