#wade and logan are now getting used to such jump scares

[mischievous-thunder]

Wade, reading an article: It says that they've found one of the scariest haunted houses just a few miles from here.

Logan: Those who say that haunted houses are scary probably never had their kids standing right next to their bed and quietly watching them sleep at 3 a.m.

[darnell-la]

can we get some nsfw of logan heavily infantilizing reader? i know he's a mean mean man and i want him to make us cry 🥺 just wanna be doted on but also fucked like a beast

note: Logan is a very nasty individual in this story. He’s degrading, calls the reader out of her name many times, fucks rough, is manipulative, possessive, and more…

having Logan Howlett claim you are one of the best-given things that could happen.

———

How do you guys feel about a x men story with reader? Logan being rude Logan at first, then slowly shows small affection towards the reader. Jealousy and things of that sort. They soon hit it off, and after Logan starts acting rude again, because he’s scared of the love he grew for her. It’ll be a long story, but something to read at night. ALL ON WATTPAD! Comment below, please!

———

“You’re so fuckin’ childish, y/n, do you know that!? So fuckin’ childish!” Logan shouted at the girl as he placed her into his passenger seat. The man slammed the door in her face before walking around to the car.

Y/m scoffed as she crossed her arms, knowing she was wrong for what she’d done tonight, but at least she had fun.

Logan treats y/n like she has no idea what the world is like. Wade speaks to him, telling him he should take it easy because is his friend. Not Logan’s.

“Well, if I’m gonna stay in an apartment with two kids, I expect them to have manners and respect. If not, then I’m out of here,” Logan threatened a few months ago when he first got here.

Y/n had come home drunk out of her mind at three in the morning after Logan and Wade had been worried all night.

Her phone had died. She explained that to them, and Wade understood, but when she came through that door smiling, laughing, and giggling with the friend who dropped her off, it triggered Logan.

“I know pay the bills, and the apartment is his, but I’ll kick you the fuck out, kid,” Logan threatened as he got into the car and started it up, ready to get home and rest without stressing about y/n.

“I’m a grown woman, Logan. If I wanna go out and get drunk with my friends, I can!” Y/n turned towards the man just to yell before turning back towards the door, looking out of the window.

“What kinda fun is that, y/n? You’re a college student, you’ve got classes in the afternoon, you need to study, but instead, you’re out almost every weekend, pissy drunk and begging for a man to touch you,”

“What!? I don’t even go out with men! I reject them all,” y/n said, confused about why he even cared about her getting with anyone.

“Sure you don’t. Every time I pick you up or you walk through that door, you’re dressed sluttier. Every fucking time!” Logan yelled, hands groping the wheel as he drove through the city to head home.

“At this point, you’re just stressing yourself out. Let me live my life like I let you, okay? Fuck!” Y/n complained.

“So slutting around is living life now? God, you kids are fucking dumb,” Logan shook his head. “I don’t slut around!” Y/n basically screamed at the man.

“Lower your fucking tone when you talk to me, young lady!” Logan looked her way. The anger in his voice made her back up, trying to keep a straight face, but it was hard.

“Always fuckin’ yellin'. Can you ever shut the fuck up for once? Just do better in life and shut the fuck up — Grow up! Because you’re a-fucking-nnoying,” the man got out.

Y/n looked out of the window in silence, holding back her tears as the man continued.

“Be a fuckin’ lady, and respect yourself for once. For once!” He hit the wheel, making the girl jump. “Respect me!” The man hit the wheel again, but harder.

Y/n wiped a tear from her cheek quickly so he wouldn’t notice, but he did. Once he did, the man laughed to himself. “Unbelievable,” the man shook his head, disappointed in her.

“You can yell at me, but when I start yellin’ and tellin’ you what you look like, you start carrying. Fucking pathetic. Seriously!”

Logan didn’t mean to hurt the girl's feelings. He was just angry. He hated seeing her out and doing things he didn’t want her to do. Why can’t she just listen to him? Why does she need other people to make her happy when she has Wade and him at home.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Y/n wouldn’t sniff here and there, but low so she wouldn’t start Logan up again. She was embarrassed and disappointed in herself.

Right as Logan parked the car, y/n pulled on the handle to get out, but he had locked the door before she could.

“Looks y/n-“ Logan went to say, but y/n cut him off. “Let me out,” y/n said with a stern voice. “Y/n, just hear me out-“ he tried to say again. “Let me out!” She yelled, not even looking at the man.

“Hey!” Logan reached for her arm and grabbed it tightly. Y/n tried yanking herself away, but he was stronger. “Let me go!” Y/n yelled, only angering the man further. He had become obvious to the strength he had.

“Ow, Logan!” Y/n shouted at the man, but all he did was grip harder. “Stay still, y/n!” Logan demanded. “You're hurting me!” She finally said as tears streamed from her eyes.

The way she looked at the man in pain, not just from his grip, but more so from his words. Looking into his eyes, he realized he had gone too far.

“Y/n,” Logan said low as she fought the man, slapping his hand, but he wouldn’t let go. He only loosened his grip. “Let me go!” She could barely yell, only cry.

Logan shifted his body and lifted his other hand to cup her cheek. When he did, she tried shaking her head to get him off, but it wouldn’t leave.

“Please!” She cried, but Logan didn’t let her leave. All he did was let her arm go, only to push her seat back and hover over her quickly, the other hand still on her cheek.

“Baby, don’t cry,” Logan said, but she couldn’t stop. She sobbed as she weakly slapped Logan’s body, telling him to leave her alone, but that was the last thing he was going to do.

“Baby, look at him — It’s okay, just look at me,” Logan said as he placed the other hand on her other cheek, forcing her to look at him.

“I’m sorry, y/n, okay? I’m sorry,” Logan spoke. That was when y/n cried harder with no words. “Aw, baby,” Logan said, trying to wipe her tears away, but they kept rolling.

“All I wanted was for you to be safe, baby. That it. It’s dangerous out here. You can’t just be goin’ out every night, looking the way you do. You just can’t,” Logan said.

“If you wanna drink, we got it at the house. You know that. No more goin’ out, and you won’t look like this anymore,” he said, hoping to manipulate her into staying in the house, and in his sight.

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Logan said and kept repeating until she ducked in her cries. It took her a while, but she managed.

“Please understand that I want you safe, y/n. Do you understand that?” Logan asked. Y/n slowly nodded her head with a sniff, making him smile slightly.

“That’s it, baby. All I want is for my baby to be safe — No more goin’ out after tonight. Maybe with me, but I have to be by your side. It’s too dangerous,” he said.

“B-But my friends,” y/n sniffed. “They’ll be fine, baby. They love you and will understand. You want me to trust you and not be stressed out, right? You want me to be? I’m gettin’ old, and ion needa be stressin’ about my girl,” Logan said.

Y/n nodded her head, halfway understanding what he wanted, but not fully. She didn’t ask though. She just knew by the way he always acted that he wanted her in sight and safe with no funny business.

“Good, baby, good,” Logan said, looking into the girl's eyes as she looked back up at him, eyes bloody and eyelashes batting.

“You’re too pretty to be seen without me, baby, and you know that, don’t you? Don’t you, baby?” Logan asked, making her nod again.

“That's right, and you're sorry for disobeying me, right?” He asked. The way he spoke to her, made her feel like she’s actually done something wrong.

“S-Sorry,” she said low. A groan slipped past the man’s lips at her words and voice. She was too sweet to believe she was real.

“Ah huh, and are you gonna show me just how sorry you are?” He asked. Y/n surprisingly nodded quickly, wanting him to know that she meant nothing personal by the way she lived.

“Good girl — Now turn around for me,” Logan said. Her mind wasn’t honking straight, but she did as told, apologizing for her body rubbing on his as she did so. “It’s okay, baby - You’re all good,”

“I’m just a little angry, and you understand that, right? It’s acceptable to why I am, right, baby?” He asked her, making her him with a nod.

“Ah huh, and you’re gonna help me relax, right, baby?” He asked and she repeated what she had done before, but more shaky. “That right,”

Logan began unbuckling his belt, watching the girl underneath him shiver from how drunk she was, the cold air coming through the cracked window, her crying session, and the confusion of this situation.

“Never listenin’ to me, baby. I don’t like that,” Logan said before giving y/n a hard slap on her ass that was covered in her tight thin dress. A whine had slipped from her mouth, only making the man groan.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna bring all this anger right out on and into you, baby,” Logan said as he pulled himself out. “And guess what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna lay here, and take it like the disrespectful little slut you are,”

Y/n whined at his words, feeling shitty for not being respectful towards the older man, but she’ll soon understand to listen.

“Every time I pick you up or watch you walk through those doors, you’re fuckin’ soaked. I just know you’re out and about, waiting for some random man to offer his cock,”

“I know you’re whore enough to take it too, now ain’t you?” Logan asked. “N-No,” y/n shook her head with a whine as he pulled her dress up, revealing her dark wet patch.

“Sure you’re not, baby. You know the drunk sluts always say that, right? Until they’re caught being stuffed and fucked in some bar bathroom,”

Y/n whined again at his comment about what he thought of her as his fingers hooked around her pants. The man pulled his fingers back, causing the panties to rip perfectly.

“You wanna be treated like some dirty slut at the bar?” Logan asked as he put his cock in his hand. “No,” y/n truly spoke, but he didn’t believe her.

The man grabbed a handful of her hair and then pushed her head into the seat. “Are you sure, baby? Because you’re gonna spreading in my passenger seat just like them club whores,”

Before y/n could say anything, the man laughed into her, forcing his huge length through her walls, knowing she would barely be able to take him.

“Logan!” Y/n cried out loud, voice crazy as she gripped and clawed at the seats. “Nah uh, you shut the fuck up!” Logan spat through his teeth as he leaned over and into the girl's ear.

“Pussy’s so fuckin’ wet, I know you want this. You always do. Comin’ back from the fuckin’ bar all soaked and full of attitude. I just know you rub that shit in my face,”

“I fuckin’ know you come through those doors wanting me to fuck your drunk ass through my mattress,” the man snapped his hips hard.

“Oh yeah? Can't take it?” Logan asked as the young girl cried in pain and pleasure. “S-Sorry, sorry,” she quickly whined as she back arched.

“No, you’re fucking not. You’re only sayin’ it now because I’m fucking this cunt dumb,” Logan growled in the girl's ear as he tugged on her hair.

“Slutty fuckin’ cunt - Grippin’ me like she ain’t been fucked in the club already,” Logan said, making the girl shake her head.

“N-No,” she managed to say. “Oh yeah? You’re tellin’ me no man has been in this cunt at the club? Fuckin’ you silly in the bathroom as you pass out from the liquor?” Logan asked.

He had already known the answer, but he was angry. He wanted to get everything out. If he could smell how wet she was every weekend, he could smell a man on her, and thankfully for her, he never has.

“N-No,” y/n whined as she came around him without warning. He hadn’t cared that she soaked his leather seats. All he cared about was how could he could fuck he’d. Maybe if he fucked he’d be good enough, she wouldn’t dare leave the apartment again.

“That’s what I fuckin’ thought. You don’t let another man touch you. Never!” He pounded, knowing the wind out of her with every thrust.

“I swear, if you do, baby, ima kill him. Ima fuckin’ kill him then lock your ass in my room,” Logan threatened, only making y/n moan.

“My fuckin’ cunt — Mine! All fuckin’ mine and you know it. You’ve been known it, Bub, and because you wanted to play games, I’m gonna teach you what the fuck happens when you do,”

Logan took the seatbelt to the car and tied it around her wrist after pulling them man. The man soon continued his anger by slamming into her until she cried, begging him to stop.

He was rough, but y/n knew deep down that she deserved it. She was disrespectful and didn’t listen to him. He should get what he wants.

“You're mine, right, baby? All mine to use like those I want at the bar and club?” Logan asked as y/n could barely keep herself conscious. “Y-Yes,” was all she could get out.

“That’s my girl,”

[awkward-walking-potato]

Can I request headcanons for Remy, Logan, Wade, and Kurt would think about his gender neutral s/o asking him if they can hold his hand or arm if they're scared before watching a scary Halloween movie please?

Headcanons: Remy, Logan, Wade, and Kurt on their Gender-Neutral S/O Asking to Hold Their Hand/Arm Before a Scary Halloween Movie

Remy LeBeau (Gambit)

Playful Teasing: The second you ask Remy if you can hold his hand or arm, a sly grin spreads across his face. He loves that you're trusting him to comfort you, but he's gotta tease you a little first.

“Oh, chère, scared already? We ain’t even hit play yet,” he’d say with a chuckle, winking at you.

He’d definitely let you hold onto him, though, lacing his fingers with yours without hesitation. He might even wrap an arm around you, pulling you closer for extra security.

Protective Instincts: The idea that you're scared and coming to him for comfort sparks his protective side. He likes being someone you feel safe with.

During the movie, he’d periodically check on you with little side glances, making sure you're doing okay. If he feels you tense up during a particularly scary scene, he’d squeeze your hand reassuringly.

Subtle Bravery Boosts: Remy would quietly hype you up, whispering things like, “Ain’t nothin’ in the movie scarier than me, cher. You’re safe.���

And when you do grip his arm during a jump scare, he’ll smirk and say, “Got ya, didn’t it? Don’t worry, Gambit’s right here.”

Logan (Wolverine)

Soft Under the Rough Exterior: When you ask Logan if you can hold his hand or arm, he’ll grumble something like, “You don’t need to be scared of some movie.” But despite his gruff tone, he’ll offer his hand immediately, maybe even gently wrapping your hand in his big one.

He likes being your safe place, even if he’d never admit it.

Subtle Comfort: Logan’s not one for big shows of affection, but his way of comforting you would be to quietly let you hold onto him however you need.

If you’re holding his arm and you grip it a little tighter when things get intense, he won’t say anything—he might just move his arm closer, making it easier for you to lean on him.

Reassurance Through Actions: When the movie gets particularly scary, Logan might just nonchalantly place a hand on your shoulder or pull you closer without a word. He’s not big on verbal reassurance, but his actions speak volumes.

“Ain’t nothin’ in this movie that could stand up to me, so you’re safe,” he’d mutter at some point, just to remind you that, in real life, he’s scarier than any movie monster.

Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

Dramatic Acceptance: The moment you ask Wade if you can hold his hand or arm, he gasps dramatically. “Oh my God, yes! I thought you’d never ask!” He’s over-the-top with his excitement and will immediately hold out both arms, offering you the choice.

“Do you want this hand or this arm? Maybe both? Do you want to hold my entire body for comfort? I mean, I get it.”

Constant Commentary: While you're watching the movie, Wade will crack jokes about the scary parts to make you feel less afraid. He’ll probably act like he's also scared (even if he's not) just to bond with you over it.

“Oh no, babe! We’re in this together now! We’ll survive the haunted house, or at least... I'll be the bait.”

Affectionate Distraction: Whenever you flinch or squeeze his hand during a jump scare, Wade will use it as an excuse to get extra cuddly. He’d likely say, “See, this is why you date a man who can regenerate. I’ll just grow new limbs if the monsters get me first.”

He’ll hold your hand the whole time, though, genuinely loving that you trust him enough to reach out for comfort.

Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler)

Gentle and Reassuring: The moment you ask Kurt if you can hold his hand or arm, he’d smile warmly and take your hand immediately. There’s no teasing or hesitation—he’s more than happy to be your source of comfort.

“Of course, mein Schatz,” he’d say, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. He’s touched that you’d come to him when you're feeling scared.

Comforting Presence: Kurt would naturally move a little closer to you, maybe even drape his tail around your shoulders as a form of comfort. He’s so gentle and understanding that his presence alone would make you feel safer.

Throughout the movie, he’d whisper soft reassurances in German or English, saying things like, “It’s just a movie, love. You’re safe with me.”

Affectionate Gestures: When you grip his hand tightly during the jump scares, he’d blush a little but wouldn’t pull away. He’d lean in slightly, offering you his arm to cling to as well.

“I’m right here, always,” he’d murmur if you got especially tense, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on the back of your hand to soothe you

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part 4)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: edited by the ever so lovely karmiccc on ao3! Comments and criticisms are welcome!

tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts @blooket-scares-me @amararosesblog @talanyra @spideybv28 @sadslasher13 @night-spectrum @eveieforeve02

Previous Chapter//Next Chapter

On Your Left Babygirl

Wade watches from the corner of his eye as your feet drag behind you, the now limp Wolverine was pressing his full mass into the two of you, and you were clearly struggling with the newly added weight.

“One Anchor Being coming right up, on your left, baby girl!”

“This Logan has everything! He can do pretty much anything the old model could plus he even sings musicals! And he’s actually wearing a costume like he’s not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once!”

“I don’t understand.”

“You said my universe is dying, because this sad sack of nuts got himself killed. Well, problem solved!”

“Y-you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this?” Paradox says between laughs pointing at Wolverine still on the floor. “I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine bee tee dubs, but you’ve brought me the absolute worst Wolverine there is!

“What do you mean the worst one?” Wade asked, walking closer to Paradox.

Just as Wade was less than an arm’s length away from Paradox, you saw the off brand Mr. Darcy reachout and grab something behind his back. You jump forward placing yourself in between the two men just as Paradox drew his weapon.

“Wade watch-!” You don’t get to finish your sentence as Wade watches in absolute horror as you disintegrate into nothing in front of him.

Wade falls to his knees as if trying to catch your particles that were still floating about in the air before disappearing entirely.

The distinct snikt of Wolverine unleashing his claws breaks Wade out of his trance as he watches the Wolverine, now back on his feet, lunge for Paradox with his claws in pure rage before disappearing too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan groans as he sits up, cracking his neck back into place. He raises a hand to shield his face from the harsh rays of the sun above him as he lets out a sharp hiss from the incoming headache he was starting to get from the combination of the fall and all the alcohol he drank earlier.

Barely starting to sober up, he looks around himself with a grunt as he stands, taking in the environment around himself.

If he had to guess he’d had no idea where the fuck he was. The scene around him was dry and arid like a desert, only this one didn’t seem familiar to him at all. There was all kinds of trash and debris around him like it had been dumped here and forgotten. Taking in a few greedy inhales, Logan scented the air, coming back with only faint traces of smoke, dirt and something else, something sweet and fresh and familiar but still different at the same time.

Turning his head to follow the source of the smell Logan spots you, laid out face first on the ground. He walks up to you apprehensively, not knowing if he could trust you or not but as he approaches he realizes you’re out cold.

Getting a closer look at you now he’s able to take in your features up close. If you were a shapeshifter of some kind like he previously thought, you were a hell of a good one. At first glance you looked just like her, the same hair and big doe eyes that used to look up at him. You were even dressed the same way.

Squatting down to your level Logan’s able to get a much better whiff of you from here. There’s no mistaking a scent, even when Morph and Mystique used to try and trick him back in the day but it never worked because they could never change their smell.

There was no doubt about it, the smell was definitely yours. Shamefully Logan found his eyes wandering down your frame slowly as he drank you in, eyes lingering on your ass for a few seconds before turning you over onto your back, and God, even your face was the same. The longer he looked at you the more he realized you really were her. Only, you had less pronounced smile lines, and were less muscular, having probably only known peace in your life, you had appeared more softer than she had been. Just as his gloved hand was a breath away from caressing your cheek, he’s ripped from his inspection by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground behind him.

Standing to his feet, he looks back at you one last time before looking at the disfigured body of the guy in red from before as his bones snap back into place. He sniffs the air again, realizing the man that had just fallen from the sky. He smelled absolutely rancid to him, stinking of blood, gunpowder and a distinct sickly cancerous smell.

Definitely a threat. Logan concludes as he starts to walk up to him.

Wade coughs as he rolls over onto his back, looking down between his legs as Wolverine walked up to him, stopping right as his feet, “Don’t just stand there, you big ape. Give me a hand!”

Wolverine stared down at him, his hazel eyes swirling with contempt and silent fury as he unsheathed his claws.

“No, I’m actually okay, thank you,” Wade barely finishes his sentence before he’s being stabbed through both his sides, letting out a sharp curse as Logan hoists him in the air like a kebab.

“Where the hell are we?!” He demands.

“I don’t know! It all looks kinda Mad Maxy but that would be copyright infringement, wouldn’t it?!” Wade cries out as Wolverine harshly drops him to the ground.

“Fucking jokes,” Logan scoffs before turning his back to him, walking towards your still unconscious form.

“Hey hey! You stay away from my pookie bear, you hear me?” Wade warns as he cocks his gun pointing it at the back of Wolverine’s head.

“Or what?” He dared the man to continue.

Wade lowers his gun as he realizes how fast the situation was starting to escalate, his eyes dart back and forth between you and the very ready to rip his guts out Wolverine before he curses to himself. After putting his gun away, Wade raises his hands up in the air as a way to appease Logan as he began to warily approach him.

“Look, we don't have time for this alright? If we don’t make it back to that Paradox asshole. Everyone I know is going to die,” Wade starts to explain the situation to him but Logan rolls his eyes as he turns back around, continuing to walk towards you.

“No, my fucking problem,” Logan replies coldly as he waves him off.

Wade felt his blood boil. He was never a patient man, nor a very nice one, but compared to this guy? He was a fucking saint. It was an insult to everyone that his Anchor being replacement had to be such a dick.

“Is that what you said when your world went to shit?” Wade shoots back to Wolverine, stopping him in his tracks again.

“Come again?” Logan growls, turning back to face him.

“Yeah, I heard all about you.” Wade began as he turned around, becoming increasingly exasperated by the situation at hand, ”You screwed up everything, but you really should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit-“

Wade let out a scream as searing pain shot through his body. Looking down he sees the infamous adamantium claws of Wolverine protruding through his chest.

“Oh, you backstabbing son of a bitch!” Wade grunts in agony as he’s hoisted in the air again, this time on his back.

Fighting back against the pain, Wade uses his own momentum to flip himself behind Wolverine, throwing them both onto their backs on the ground, the blades of the Wolverine’s claws tearing more of his flesh and bone on their way out as he did so. Without missing a beat Wade pressed his guns against Wolverine’s sides and shot out several rounds as the older man let out a guttural scream of pain.

“Are you ready to be calm now?” Wade asks almost mockingly, guns still pressed to Wolverine’s ribs.

He’s met immediately with a headbutt, no doubt breaking his nose underneath the mask.

“Fuck!” Wade swears in pain as Wolverine rolls off him.

Not giving Wade any time to gather his bearings, the older mutant grabs him by his ankles before throwing him into a wall. Wade heard the bones in his arm snap as he crashed through the cement wall, tumbling backwards against a sunken monument that seemed familiar to him. Wade groaned as he stumbled back up to his feet, his arm snapped back into place painfully as he reloaded his gun.

“I don’t want to fight you, Peanut! Doesn’t matter what you did. I just need your help.” Wade called over to Wolverine as he stood across from him in the wasteland.

“I don’t fucking care,” Logan snaps back as he spits out a smoking bullet, the rest falling from his torso, his healing factor working over time to push them out.

“Fuck, this is gonna hurt,” Wade says more so to himself than anyone else, “Alright! Fuck it! Let’s give the people what they came for!”

“Let’s fucking go,” Logan says as he crouches down to his knees, readying himself for whatever Wade was about to throw at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You take a sharp much needed inhale through your nose as the final bone in your spine snaps back into place. Sputtering out a cough you sat up bltrying to block out the blinding light of the sun with your hand as a headache pulsed through your skull. Looking around you slowly take in the dilapidated scenery around you.

Where the hell were you? You thought to yourself as you looked down at your watch to check the time.

The screen was broken, a crack having spiderwebbed across the screen. You weren’t exactly sure when it had broken but from what you could tell from when it had stopped working it was well beyond midnight.

“Oh I’m so fucking fired tomorrow,” You say with a groan as you rise to your feet dusting yourself off.

The sound of shouting and rapid gunfire drew your attention in the distance. Approaching the sound as cautiously as you could, you peek over a mound of rubble to find Wade being held down by an enraged Wolverine with Wade’s katanas and baby knife sticking out of him, reminding you of a human pin cushion.

“Let’s see you grow your fucking head back!” He shouts as he goes to sink his claws into Wade’s throat.

Picking up the first thing you see laying around you run up behind the Wolverine hitting him in the head as hard as you could, breaking the branch in your hands on impact. With a heavy grunt, he stumbles off of Wade onto the ground.The Wolverine clutches his ear as he snaps his head up to glare at his assailant. The rage in his eyes shifts to shock as you stand over wade protectively, glaring down at him with your broken branch raised high and at the ready for you to swing at him again if need be.

Snapping out of his daze, Wolverine gets to his feet and with his claws sheathed going to strike the red suited clown again, when hastily Wade rises to his feet, immediately moving you behind him with his hands raised up in surrender.

“Wait, wait, I can fix it! I know how to fix it!” Wade shouted at the Wolverine not willing to put you or himself in the Wolverine’s wraith.

“Fix what?” Wolverine asks has he slowly starts to lower his fist as he looks back and forth between you two.

“Whatever it is that you did that made you so bad! Those freaks in the TVA, they have the power to end our universe, but they can also change yours!” Wade says pushing you further behind him, not liking how the man was eyeing you.

Logan looks between the two of you incredulously as if trying to understand if what Wade just told him was true or not.

“Well?” He asks gruffly, eyes now completely focused on you.

Realizing he was talking to you and that your answer might be his deciding factor on whether or not to help you, you take a deep breath as you walk out from behind Wade who looks at you skeptically for a moment.

“We just traveled the multiverse trying to find you because of the TVA,” You began with a surprised chuckle still reeling in that fact that you actually did do that as you returned Logan's intense gaze,“Until today I didn’t think any of this kinda stuff was possible… But it is so I believe him,” You said exchanging a look with Wade as you finish, he nods his head to you almost in thanks.

Logan stares at you a bit longer before letting out a frustrated huff as he looks away, sheathing his claws. You nearly let out a beath of relief at the sight until the older man resumed his attention on you two again. The Wolverine looked back and forth between the two of you as he felt his nerves starting to grate again.

“How the fuck do you know this clown?” Logan asks annoyed, his fists were down at his sides but still balled up ready to fight again if he needed to.

Peeking over Wade’s shoulder, you part your lips about to answer him when suddenly you're cut off by a new voice.

“Hey! We fight each other, we lose,” Said a voice from above you all.

Puzzled, you all look up in the direction the voice came from.

“Who the hell is that?” You asked scrunching your face up in confusion as you use a hand to block out the harsh rays of the sun from your vision.

“Dear God its him…” Wade said, astonished.

“Who?” You asked as you and Wolverine share a confused glance.

Above you, on a worn down billboard, stood a man. He was covered in loose fitting dark clothes with a hood draped over him, blocking his face from view.

“That my little chocolate drop is the One. The superhero equivalent to comfort food or molly. White guys’ answer to all the disappointments in another A-lister,” Wade went on rambling as the cloaked man jumped down and landed before the three of you.

“Now that’s a superhero landing!” Wade clapped as the cloaked man turned to point out into the desert

“They're coming,” The man said.

Alarmed, you all look in the direction of his focus. On the horizon you all could see three cars speeding towards you, all three of the giving off serious Mad Max vibes.

“Well they’re definitely driving angry,” Wade joked, though you could tell by the drop in his voice that he was assessing the entire situation very much aware of the danger you two were about to be in.

“I got this,” The cloaked man said pulling down his hood to reveal a familiar face, “Stay close.”

“Aye aye, Cap,” Wade says walking up behind him to wrap his arms around the man before he pulls them off of him awkwardly.

As the cars neared they circled around the four of you a few times, some of the men blew out crude whistles making you cringe in disgust as you clutched your broken branch to your chest. Finally they stopped, their vehicles parked around you, caging you four in.

“Cassandra is going to be giddy when she sees what we caught!” A man with stringy greasy hair grins, showing off his filthy teeth to the group, “You know you can’t run.”

“You see anyone running, dick for brains? You’re not gonna love what happens next,” The cloaked man retorted.

“Oh my god, he’s going to say it!” Wade says smacking one of his katana’s that still protruded from the Wolverine’s chest.

Logan stumbled back a bit with a weak ‘ah fuck’ as you instinctively reached out to steady him. He turned his head to look at you as soon as he felt your hands on him. You held his eyes for less than a second before abruptly removing yourself from him, now focusing on looking at anything else but him.

“Avengers Assem-!” Wade begins to shout as if anticipating what the cloaked man was about to say, however that’s not what he said at all.

“Flame on!”

“Sorry, what now?”

The cloaked man shot out into the sky in a ball of fire. He hovered over everyone for a moment before blasting out a stream of fire directly at the greasy man that had spoken before. The greasy man grins as he holds his hand out, absorbing the flames before he twists his fingers cutting off the cloaked man’s power like a faucet. The man barely had a second to register what happened before he began his miserable descent from the sky. He hit the billboard he was standing on before twice before flopping on the ground, completely unconscious.

“We don’t know that guy,” the Wolverine was quick to say.

“We thought we did,” Wade agreed as he looked over the unconscious man before turning back to the group of thugs.

“Oh but I know you,” A beastly looking man with pitch black eyes said as he dropped down to their level from atop a car.

His dark orbs were fixated on Wolverine, who returned his glare with his own as he bared his teeth at him with a growl.

“Holy shit… Sabretooth… your brother,” Wade said, a hint of excitement in his voice as he looked between the two.

“Ready to die?” Sabertooth asked as he stalked towards them, eyes never leaving Wolverine.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Time!” Wade calls out as he begins to remove his weapons from Wolverine’s body giving him a long winded nonsensical pep talk in normal Wade fashion.

“Shut the fuck up!” Wolverine growls out, shoving him back into you.

What an asshole you thought to yourself with a scrunched up face.

The Wolverine lowered himself into a fighting stance before the two mutants lunged for each other. The two collided briefly in the middle as the familiar sound of metal tearing against bone and flesh rang through the air, before sliding past each other entirely. Both brothers stood on opposite sides of the dry field.

“What is it, girl? Is there trouble at the well?” Wade mocked with an innocent tilt of his head.

You might’ve laughed at the Lassie reference if it wasn’t for the fact that not a second later Sabretooth’s head rolled off his shoulders and right at your feet. You scrunched up your nose again, turning your head away in disgust as Wade picked it up.

“Behold! The head of your precious Queen, Furiosa! I have the Wolverine! I alone control her! You come for me! You come for her!” Wade declares as he raises the head in the air like a prize before he leans over into Logan’s ear, “I’m so sorry. I know it’s pronounced him. I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear.” Logan simply rolls his eyes at him.

“Who’s next?” He challenges looking around at the men who were left, waiting for someone to step up to him.

The greasy man let out an amused chuckle before calling out to one of his partners “Toad! You’re up!”

You look towards the other mutant and resist the urge to cringe again as he shoots out his slimy green tongue and pulls a lever. Instantly it activates a giant metal magnet that drags both Wade and Wolverine off their feet and into its pull.

“Wade!” you called out, unaware as a giant sentinel leg comes flying at you from behind, stunning you as it flies towards your companions, carrying you with it.

“Oh fu-“ Was all Wolverine had managed to get out before you and the sentinel leg crashed into him and Wade, knocking out the three of you on impact.

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about the way Wade "jumps" awake after dying and for some reason my brain can't stray from the idea of him 'asleep' in bed only to sit up panting because he gets cancer blockages that's causing really bad sleep apnea and therefore briefly dies because of it.

Some nights, Logan will be laying near his chest and wake up from his breathing stopping, sit up, and shake him a bit (yeah, as if that helps)

"Wade...WADE!"

He jumps awake with a gasp and then whines at him all sleepy like. "Whaattt?"

"Your heart stopped again..."

"Annndd???? It does that."

"Soo why is she taking you so much?"

Wade groans half asleep, rolls over and scooches himself back into Logans arms muttering "I dont know, It's her deathaversery soon. Shes probably just lonely."

"Deathave- what?"

"The day she died, Logan keep up."

"..... death can die?"

"Did you not read the comics at all??? God...yes death can die. Everything dies eventually. Even the universe... now jus' hold me.."

So now, Logan is holding wade, litsening to his heart, awake, and wondering how the hell death can die. And what comics? Death has comics about her life?- well.. death?

Other times, like when napping in the car, he'll sleep from the comute from home to the school and half way home Wade will just sit up holding his chest and gasping loudly.

"JESUS-"

"I died!"

"I can see that! Do you mind not scaring the shit out of me!? Im tryna drive!"

"I can't help it that my heart stops randomly!!??"

"For fuck sakes, Wade.. you need to get that checked out."

"Get what checked out? My entire body? Thanks ive been working out- OF COURSE I CANT GET CHECKED OUT Im 99% cancer!!"

"DONT YOU FUCKIN YELL AT ME YOURE THE ONE THATS GONNA MAKE US CRASH-"

"IF YOU BOTH DONT STOP YELLING ILL KILL YOU BOTH!" says a very fed up Laura, who doesn't even know how theyre together all they do is argue.... sheesh...

[nuggetpool-hi]

Guess who watched X-Men origins again

OK SO I got THOUGHTS of this movie but specially Wade's fight style because it's really similar to our current Deadpool's fighting style... so yeah I wanna yap about that hi

WELL FIRST OF wanna talk a lil about Victor, Logan and Wade's different styles... from a mortal's view point I am no expert on this just insane about these movies and I need to write my thoughts or i'll explode

Starting with Victor!! the ultimate kittycat girlypop

I love his kitty self I'm sorry ANYWAY EXAMPLES

OKAY SO VICTOR. Victor's style is obviously very animalistic but also stylized, he makes the fight a show for himself! He likes to hunt and he tries to always give chase or play around a bit before the kill, just like a cat playing with his food!

AND IF you pay attention to the start of the movie, this game he's got with his target isn't initially how he fought, he kinda developed it as the years went by and the eviler he got the more he played with his food. The first few wars he goes to he's fighting like a human soldier, then you can see him slip up some animal jumps and uses his claws more until at the end he's full on predator chasing his prey (just like when he captures Scott, my god I love that scene he's terryfing)

AND A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND LOGAN (that I will also talk about later I guess) is that with this play thing Victor has going on it SHOWS that he THINKS about the stragety when fighting, he's aware of his surroundings and his target's strenghs and weaknesses, he's good at coming up with solutions on the spot (see his fight with John, he can predict where he's going to teleport and catch him) and how to give a good chase without losing WHILE LOGAN WELL, at least in this movie he seems very lost when fighting?? he mostly just launches at his target and attacks, if the target runs away he chases, very animalistic but in a feral-based on instincts way... prolly why he coulnt win agaisnt Victor at first, because he was being blinded by his rage while Victor was quite literally playing with him lmao

ANYWAY LOGAN our favorite traumatized babygirl

and boy does he suffer in this one aughh EXAMPLES

Now you must be wondering why did I put the bathroom scene, well I feel like it represents Logan's general situation pretty well! (and its silly let me be), hes confused destroying everything and just keeps making it worse every time he tries to fix it.

The thing about Logan in this movie is that he's honestly just- confused and angry from the moment he killed his father, he runs away over and over again from EVERYTHING and he's constantly being manipulated BY EVERYONE!! Poor man has no idea what to do with himself of who he can actually trust but damn he tries, his enviroment is contantly changing and he's trying his best to adapt but he does it in a messy way.

The way he fights and acts in general is animalistic, yes, but more of the "scared dog attacks" kind of way, he's always acting on his instinct that it's mostly led by anger. When he fights he just throws himself and tries to slash whatever he can, he runs he hides and then when he gets the chance to he attacks again.

He constantly has little to no control of the situtation WHICH IS SPECIALLY SEEN pre-adamantium where he keeps losing to Victor because unlike him- he has no plan, he's being manipulated and kept blind of everything ON PURPOUSE which obviouly puts him in a disadvantage so yeah.

AFTER he gets the adamantium you can see his skills strengen with his knowledge, the more he lears about his situation the more focused he is and his fighting it's cleaner, he still moslty just launches himself head first into fights BUT he's not running away, he's able to evaluate his situation and adapt (See his fight with Gambit, he looks at him when running away and then destroys the stair so Gambit can't run away OR with Deadpool where he decides to gain height as a way to create the space needed to evaluate his enemy?? that one might be a lil bit of a stretch tho)

WADE WILSON THE ULTIMATE CUTIE PRINCESS

let's ignore how dirty they did him ok...

OKAY SO SADLY- The bullet scene is pretty much the only scene where we see him fight and it's honestly not enough to tell how his normal style is BUT I WILL SAY his general style is fancy to look at and scarily effective (which is mostly seen with our current Wade but you can see a bit in origins deadpool) he makes a show for everyone to see, which is also his stragedy to make himself even better at combat! He uses a lot of fancy movements and acrobatics that help him AND takes his enemies off-guard, confusing them as where they should attack or what he's going to hit?? anyway-

Comparison time yippieee THIS IS WHAT THIS POST IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LMAO

I did not get side tracked idk what you mean.... and now seeing it over and over I'm realizing not that noticeable.... so it's just not that much to talk about oops

LOOK AT THIS WADE, LOOK AT THE MOVEMENTS HE DOES WITH HIS LEGS!! HIS HANDS??? THIS MAN IS SHOWING OFF he's using all kinds of acrobatics and fancy movements while fighting, he attacks with his hands and dodges using mostly his legs, he's using all he has!! and it's making Logan lose BECAUSE LOGAN CAN'T FOCUS!! specially since he's so "target locked will attack", Wade makes it SO HARD for him to focus on a pose long enough to actually stab him also Logan ain't too good at dodging, I'm guessing it could be because he heals? dunno

now what inmediately came to my mind upon rewatch was THIS scene (maybe because I saw it recently who knows)

THE SETTING IS SO SIMILAR!! Wade is using a lot of fancy movements to get up, dodge and attack all way too fast for Logan to process, once again Logan is looking everywhere confused about where to aim bc this silly red guy it's dancing on his face and he's struggling to keep up JUST LIKE IN ORIGINS except well he IS able to get a hit bahah

Dodges like crazy, jumps over Logan (he did in origins too) just moves a lot between every attack

Actually now that I think about it Wade feels a bit less effective in the car, like yes sure he's putting up a good fight but Logan still feels like he's leading it BECAUSE WADE IS MORE EFFECTIVE WHEN HE HAS MORE SPACE!! he likes to be able to move around and do gimnastics while Logan it's a lot better the closer he gets to his target so omg yeah... ALSO LIKE WADE STILL TRIES TO MOVE AROUND he shoves Logan away from him, he gets out of the car choking logan with a seatbelt and gets to the back, he tries to create space because that's where his speciality WHILE LOGAN keeps trying to get closer to have him in his power, which he gets to do since the car isn't allowing Wade to move as freely as he would want to...

AND YOU CAN SEE HIS FANCY MOVEMENTS WITH FRANCIS TOO he's constantly circuling him, dodging and spinning while Francis is just trying to get a hit, Wade keeps his enemies chasing him when he fight THAT'S the way he controls it and gets it wherever he wants aughh

ANYWAY YEAH I think that's it, don't really know how much sense any of this does since I've been writing it on-and off the whole day lmao it's so messy but yeah feel free to add onto it I'd love to see opinions on this wahoo

Might keep talking about stuff I find interesting in the movies bahah this has been funn

[ivvyela]

imagine with me, if you will, a nwh potential fix-it involving none other than the multiverse saving duo deadpool and wolverine.

i know, i know - but please, let me cook.

wade and logan now jump across timelines to "fix" things aka travel the multiverse for funsies and deal with the consequences later and somehow end up in a universe where peter parker doesn't exist, but spider-man does. and wade, blessed with the power of "i know this for the plot", immediately knows that is bull. shit. and sure enough, they find one very depressed, very lonely, and very jaded peter parker.

after much annoyance, light stalking, and following spider-man while he's on patrol, they get peter to spill how he ended up in this situation. and after hearing everything, logan breaks the silence with a simple, yet effective: "shit, kid. that... shit."

"yeah, well... now you know, so you can, like, leave me alone."

"nope, not gonna happen." wade shakes his head and tactfully ignores logan's imploring look of what-the-fuck-are-you-getting-us-into-now "i take my job as marvel jesus very, very seriously, so frankly, this is my job to fix your sorry little life, buddy. and if flat-out telling them you exist didn't work, then - "

"oh, i actually... i never told them."

"...come again?"

"i tried to tell them, but i couldn't. so..."

"i'm sorry... your best friend and girlfriend were crying, telling you to come find them and remind them of you, and you chose not to?"

"they're happy and safe without me! i wasn't going to ruin - "

"oh my god. you sweet, self sacrificial, idiot spider-baby. okay! we can fix this! we're no tony stark, but consider us your pseudo daddies for the time being, kid. let's get you your life back."

which is how one very emotional and determined deadpool, followed by a stoic, nonchalant wolverine (who, in all honesty, probably should be completely against this, but once wade commits to something, he can't be talked out of it, and the sooner he gets his fix from this the sooner he can go home, so fuck it we ball), end up in a certain cafe, all up in a poor barista and her friend's face with a cut-out yearbook photo of some kid, yelling "LOOK AT HIM! LOOK AT THIS BOY! HE'S SO LONELY! LIKE A SMALL, FORLORN, VICTORIAN CHILD! REMEMBER HIM, GODDAMMIT!"

(their efforts result in two confused and scared teens, and getting kicked out of said cafe.)

peter practically begs them to just leave him alone, that this was his choice, and he's fine with it, but both wade and logan know a lie when they hear one. they both know what being alone can do to a person, and peter is just a kid who got dealt the shittiest cards in life and at this point, it just feels wrong to leave him here without trying to do something. and maybe they both have a small soft spot for the teen, so what?

and peter knows both men can see through his broody, teenage angst front he's been putting up since the spell, and he's tried so hard to hate the two of them, get them to hate him so they would leave, but they're not budging, so really, there's no point in trying to push them away, right?

and so, he lets them in. he learns that while logan is stoic and intense and kinda terrifying, he's also someone who just wants to do the right thing for the people he cares about. he's also lost people, and he blames himself, but he's come out on the other side. he would tell peter about his daughter, laura, who wouldn't let him wallow in self pity because she is good, better than he has ever been. he never saw himself as a father, but she's still around, so he must be doing alright.

and at first hearing it would result in a pang in his chest, memories of thai food after walking into a smoke-filled kitchen, assurances that things will work out when everything feels hopeless, a tombstone that can never convey everything she was, but now... it's nice to hear that logan still had someone after losing everyone.

so, peter listens to logan's stories. in return, peter tells logan all about his mom.

and wade was brash and loud and conceded and really, really annoying, but he's... no, that's it. he's all of those things, but in a weird way, it's like all those bad qualities merge together to make him a good guy. and yeah, he can walk away at any point, he has absolutely no obligation to help peter, but he does it anyway.

("nonono, don't you dare make me some selfless hero type, kid. i know for a fact that every deadpool has a peter. i'm doing this for the me in your world."

"you're... huh?"

"bottom line, i'm a selfish bastard. i'm doing this for me, 'kay?")

peter didn't fight it. he's had experience with seemingly self-absorbed, deflecting type heroes.

wade doesn't replace him, not even close, but... still.

maybe peter will never get back what he lost. but, for the first time, peter sees a light at the end of the tunnel. that, maybe, he can stop being just spider-man, and he can start being peter parker again, too.

(and if there's a barista talking to her friend about how it's weird that two guys would show up holding a photo of an odd customer from weeks ago, demanding they remember him, and despite not knowing him she felt something, and her friend couldn't help but agree, well... that's neither here nor there.)

[justevelynnnn]

My domestic poolverine hcs

warnings: logan stabs wade (ofc) and a sprinkle of profanity

A/N: i wanna do a part 2 to this but i have no ideas😭 if yall have any ideas lmk 💔 also this is barely proofread and my excuse is that i’m a busy college student

- It took a month for Logan to get used to his new home. It was Althea, Wade ofc, Mary puppins and himself. Full house.

- Logan stayed on the couch that whole first month because Wade and Althea had taken both the rooms already. Some nights he had Mary puppins lay on the couch with him.

- Eventually, Wade and Logan started sharing his bed after Wade begged logan for weeks and days

-Both of them would unconsciously fight over the sheets and bed space over night

- They also would deal with each other’s nightmares :(

- Also Logan snores….LOUD.

- Logan didn’t admit it but it was nice to sleep next to someone that wasn’t a dog or some random person he was fucking. Just someone he could really trust for once. Who had his back and best interest in mind.

- Wade was the cook until Logan showed up

- The first day Logan tried Wade’s cooking he was just like “Nope nope nope” and got up and showed Wade how to really cook

- Another wolverine secret, He was damn good cook

- Ofc, due to the 200 years of living blah blah blah

- So now Logan cooks just about everything for everyone

- Althea was happy she didn’t have to deal with Wade’s horrible food anymore and Wade was happy he had a little house wife that would cook for him when he got off work

- Just kidding…okay maybe…..

- Mary puppins also took some getting used to too

- She would bark and bark and whine for nicepool sometimes

- Wade did his best to comfort her but it wasn’t the same and nothing worked. Not the bones or new toys or silly outfits he bought her.. just nothing

- Logan, however, was okish with dogs so he knew to just let her and make little cooing noises to soothe her

- Wade damn near melted at the sight…it was sooooooo cute! He got Althea to take a picture one day for him while he was at work

- “If you hear Logan calming Mary puppins down again take a picture for me, okay? Very important! Are you listening?”

- Althea was half awake since it was morning before Wade went to work but was just like, okay whatever bye

- The picture was crooked and logan and the dog were barely in the frame.

- It still went on the fridge though!

- And many more pictures on the fridge like…

- Logan sleeping with a permanent marker mustache on his face!

- Andddd Family game night !

- And a crayon picture of Wade, Althea, Logan and Mary puppins

- There we’re also polaroids all over the house of little moments like this and also Laura when she came over

- Wade was really digging this new family thing and so was Logan he just was never gonna say it

- Pranks were also frequent

- Logan Howlett did not do pranks. Not before the x-men, during or after. So his reactions of course were way funnier.

- One was the use of random airhorns by Wade and Althea in the middle of the night, one by each of Logan’s ears as he slept. Logan jumped out of bed slashing the air angrily with his claws, swearing like they were the only words he knew. Althea was a bit more scared than Wade but still found it funny.

- Logan stabbed Wade multiple times after that.

- Another prank was Wade pulling one of those “fake news of the end of the world announcements on tv” things where he got a fake video of a government announcement saying the world was ending and because Logan barely understood technology he fully believed it and was wide eyed and quiet

- Once he started pacing with his arms on his hips Wade could barely keep a straight face

- Finally a super serious and stressed Logan goes, “You think this is fucking funny, mouth?!”

- Wade died.

- He never laughed this hard in his life. He almost ran out of air and his sides actually hurt a bit but of course healed quickly.

- Logan still didn’t get it just crossed his arms in confusion. When Althea told him Wade pranked him yet again, he threw Wade through the wall and Wade fell to the bottom floor. Ouch. But so worth it.

- When Wade came back upstairs Logan cussed him out but Canadian style because he was that mad which killed him again and he just fell back down somehow

- Random tickle fights would happen but not a lot because when Wade got to Logan he would get stabbed as Logan laughed uncontrollably

- Althea would also hate it but would laugh at least in the beginning and then start hitting wade in the face when she had enough

- Only mary puppins liked it and that’s cause she thought she was getting pets

- Laundry day was also interesting

- Wade barely did laundry on the account of working and “fighting crime” and also because he hated doing chores

- Althea couldn’t see so even when she tried to fold clothes they’d be sloppy and put in the wrong places and just no

- So logan had to step up for that too

- And surprise surprise things would be folded so neat and clean

- Sometimes though when laundry day approached but clothes were running low the two men would just share clothes

- Never boxers even if Wade insisted over and over and over

- But shirts most of the time

- So sometimes Logan’s just in a ridiculous shirt of Wade’s

- Sometimes it’s the one with the words “two seater” with the arrows pointing up and down

- Sometimes it’s a pink shirt that is like too tight?

- They also share pants, socks and pajama pants but though they each only have like 5 pair of each cause yknow…men..

- But all of the silliness and randomness that is moving in with Wade Wilson aside, Logan adjusted nicely, loving his new home and family ❤️

[some-stars]

brutally stalled on my three main WIPs due to logan voice being so fucking difficult, so i wrote most of a brief confection in always relaxing wade pov, and it will be probably be finished tomorrow. a preview:

It's not like he wants to be making things worse. And how the fuck is Logan not more bothered by this, anyway? "How the fuck is this not bothering you?" Wade hisses. "We can't even die here. If they don't dig us out, this is going to be eternity. Are you prepared to spend eternity trapped in a box with me, standing so close together we could be on a nineties buddy cop show? In 4:3 resolution," he adds. "Forever."

"It was only a three-story building," Logan says, and looks at him thoughtfully. "You're really fuckin' scared, huh?"

"What the fuck clued you in, cupcake?" Wade very nearly shrieks, but doesn't. But it's close.

It's not like he can't see every movement Logan makes right now, but somehow he still jumps a little when Logan's hand lands on his arm and squeezes gently.

"They're gonna dig us out," he says. "It won't take more than a couple days, once they know there's people trapped. You want a distraction?"

He talks so evenly, at such a measured pace, that Wade feels his nervous system starting to fall in line, enough that he can take a shaky deep breath. Logan watches him start to get a grip, nothing but patience, thumb rubbing little circles on Wade's bicep, through his suit.

"Sure!" Wade says, only a little too high-pitched this time. "Sure. Yeah. Distract me."

And, you know what, he'll give Logan this much: closing the infinitesimal distance between them, pulling Wade's mask off with firm yet gentle fingers, and shooting Wade a crooked little half-smile before kissing him is an extremely effective distraction.

[negasonicimagines]

The House that Blows Up Every Few Years

request: Hey! Love your writing! Would you mind writing a Yukisonic x reader where the reader saves one of them from being terribly injured and the other two don’t know what to do cuz they don’t know if reader will make it and they reminisce a bit about when reader made them happy during hard times?

notes: Reader doesn’t save either, but tries to… Everyone lives, but you’ll understand what I mean. This one’s a doozy, at around 2.9k words.

warnings: domestic terrorism, housefire, near-death, hospital, wounds/scars.

The first thing you do after waking up to the smell of smoke is wake up your girlfriend. Ellie may be fireproof, but she’s not immune to smoke inhalation. The two of you grab your go bags and make a swift escape, following the rest of the people in your hallway to your station outside.

As you hear whispers of a bombing, you realize your other girlfriend, Yukio, isn’t at her station.

“She’s not there,” you say to your girlfriend, stomach dropping. “She’s not there.” Without another thought, you super-speed into the school before you can be stopped. Ellie goes after you, but is held back by teachers and staff. She fights them, yelling about Yukio, about you.

Hours that could be minutes pass by and though students are supposed to face away from the school, she and everyone else are staring. She watches as you flit past the windows, but then your form disappears. She watches the door, hoping you’ve gone downstairs, where there are less windows.

Eventually, Logan, Wade, and other assorted mutants who can withstand the fire filter out of the building. Ellie thinks you’re not with them until she notices that Wade’s got someone slung over his shoulder. You.

“Oh god!” she wails, but runs to the first aid station already set up by the authorities. Wade carries you over to the cot she’s closest to, and someone qualified begins working on you, doing CPR on you. “W-Where’s Yukio? She was looking fo Yukio?” Ellie shakes as she asks her question, one she realizes is dumb, while they are actively trying to resuscitate you.

“Why was she looking for Yukio? Yukio was out back, she had an impromptu sleepover with Jubilee,” Wade asks, confused.

“Yukio- She- She wasn’t at her station up front,” Ellie trembles. “Y/N just went in there, without a thought, to get to her… I- I…” She’s too stunned to cry, at least right now. Too stunned to be angry at Yukio, at least right now.

“And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why sleepovers are technically against the rules here. We have too many disasters between the old house, everyone’s old enemies, and anti-mutant organizations like the one that bombed us tonight for anyone to be unaccounted for,” Logan interjects.

“Even I know it’s not the time, dude,” Wade remarks, and Ellie doesn’t reject his comfort when he gives her a hug, letting her turn her head to keep an eye on you.

“As you can see by the soot near her nostrils and the bluish tint to her skin, your friend here is suffering from smoke inhalation. She’s breathing now, but we’ll have to take her to the hospital. What all can you tell us about her? Any allergies or other medical history we should know about? Conditions that may run in the family?” the EMT asks.

“Um, uh, she’s a mutant, uh, s-so she used her super-speed to get in and around there. She would’ve breathed a lot faster, so there m-might be- Y’know, with the inhalation, uh… I- I don’t know anything.” At this realization, the realization that you might die and she won’t know something as simple as if you have any allergies, she sobs into Wade’s chest. Your cot is lifted into the ambulance, and Wade releases Ellie, hopping in there before anyone can stop him.

The fire is finally put out, and the ambulance drives away. Ellie and Yukio sit together in one of the buses to the hotel.

“What happened? I heard Y/N got hurt, is she gonna be okay?” Yukio’s blissfully unaware, and this makes Ellie resent her even more. 

“If she dies, I will never forgive you,” Ellie informs her with a cold glare. Yukio didn’t think Ellie was capable of cold like that before now, only burning intensity with every single emotion.

“I don’t understand, what happened?”

“She was looking for you, you idiot!” Ellie shrieks, drawing the attention of everyone on the bus. “Because you weren’t at your station, and you failed to tell either of us where you were. Smoke inhalation kills way faster than the actual fire will. She’s barely alive.”

“What? She was- I- No, no, I- I- No…”  

Ellie just continues to glare, silent tears running down her cheeks as Yukio sobs into the empty seat in front of her where you should be. Ellie can almost see you, cracking jokes about how anti-mutant freaks are so stupid they can’t even bomb a building right, or how you’d wished they’d gotten someone you hated this time.

She realizes that she’s not honoring you very well by taking her frustration and fear out on the person who you tried to save.

“I’m- I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. She and I should’ve checked around before trying to go in. You- You’re not an idiot, you just wanted to hang out with your friend.”

“It’s my fault whether it was an accident or not,” Yukio admits, still crying, but she clings to Ellie now, who clings back as the ride continues.

When they get to the hotel, they share a bed, and Sally, Yukio’s roommate, gets one to herself. Normally, you’d be in the bed with them and Sally would jokingly beg you guys not to “do anything freaky.”

Ellie bitterly chuckles at the thought.

“What?” Yukio wonders. The two lay side by side, not even touching. Looking at the ceiling.

“Thinking about Sally asking us not to do anything freaky,” Ellie explains. “Remember when Y/N licked her own elbow in response and nearly dislocated her shoulder?”

Yukio giggles at the reminder, before remembering she’s not supposed to giggle while you’re fighting for your life.

“No, no, Y/N would want us to cheer up. Remember what she’d say, that dumbass meme? Keep your chin up, gamer, your headset is falling.”

“Our heads are on pillows,” Yukio retorts, being pouty and difficult in her near-grief.

“It’s a metaphor and you know it,” Ellie scoffs, knowing she has to step up and be the middle ground between herself and Yukio that you usually were. “Remember that time when she raced Pietro? And all the crazy stuff they did as tie-breakers?”

“She ended up losing because he proposed who could kiss their girlfriend faster as a challenge. He agreed she could choose just one of us, but she refused.”

“She chose you tonight,” Ellie chokes out.

“Baby, no…” Yukio reassures. “You know she thought she would get me out of there in no time, that we’d all be safe together… But I was so- So irresponsible. I’m so sorry,” Yukio breaks down again, overwhelmed by guilt.

Ellie’s phone rings, that stupid ringtone Wade programmed into it for himself when he got ahold of her phone while she was in gym.

Hey, it’s Wade, you need to pick up your fucking phone! Alexander Graham Bell didn’t invent this shit for texting, answer the call!

Ellie almost ignores it, but then remembers that Wade went with you and lunges toward the nightstand, ripping the charger out of her phone and answering, putting it on speaker.

“What’s going on, is she okay? Is she- Is she…?”

“She’s fine, Eleven. They’re gonna take some chest x-rays and whatnot tomorrow to make sure, but she’s alive, just sleeping.”

Ellie sighs in relief, ignoring Wade’s dumb nickname.

“Thank god,” Yukio weeps.

“No, thank Wade for getting her out,” Ellie corrects. “I- I owe you big time, dude.”

“Did you just… Say something nice about me? Wow, maybe- Nope. Not worth it,” Wade jokes, managing to get a chuckle out of Yukio and a smile from Ellie that he can’t see.

“We’ll be there tomorrow,” Ellie confirms, with a relieved sigh following.

“Great. See you then. Try to get some sleep, you don’t wanna be exhausted when you see her again.”

“Alright. Thanks again, man.”

“No problem.” Wade hangs up, and Ellie and Yukio lay back, unsure of how to sleep in the same bed without you. The two of them, between their electricity and fire abilities, produced too much heat to cuddle each other. You typically acted as a buffer between them, allowing them to be close to each other (and you) with no discomfort.

“Do you wanna hold hands?” Yukio offers.

“Mine are all sweaty,” Ellie admits.

“Mine too.”

They hold hands.

“Remember when Y/N went on that roller coaster with us? I think she was the most scared, she held our hands so tight.”

“Yeah. ‘It’s different when it’s me!’” Ellie playfully imitates you.

Yukio giggles. “She really is the best, isn’t she?”

“You’re both the best.”

“No, you’re both the best.”

“Maybe we’re all the best. That’s why we’re all together. No one else is worthy,” Ellie jokes.  

“Something like that,” Yukio replies. “I like remembering her. We should do it a lot more. Maybe tell her this stuff instead of assuming she knows it, ‘cause what if she had died and she didn’t know? What if she died because of me and she didn’t know that I love her, I love her so much…?” Her voice breaks a little bit.

“I love her too. And I love you.”

“I love you too. I miss her.”

“Me too,” Ellie agrees. “Remember when you two did that play together? What was it, uh…?”

“Little Shop of Horrors… She was adorable as Seymara. It was awesome that they let us gender-swap Seymour so we could play him and Audrey.”

“Well, your duet during auditions was amazing. I wish I would’ve tried out, I could’ve played a hobo, or Audrey 2. But I was too scared. Should’ve listened to Y/N.”

“We could all stand to listen to Y/N more,” Yukio reminds her girlfriend. “Oh, oh, remember when we saw The Nun and she got so scared at that one part that she ran out of the theater and back in at super-speed? We didn’t even know it happened until she told us after.”

Ellie finally laughs, at this. It was one of her favorite memories of you. You’d insisted on seeing the movie, but at the first jump-scare, you fled. However, you returned. Outside of the humor, that was Ellie’s favorite part: You came back and faced it.

“We should get to sleep, like Wade said,” Ellie suggests.

“Agreed. I love you. Goodnight. Sweet dreams, honey.”

“Goodnight. I love you, too. Sweet dreams, babe.”

Ellie doesn’t have sweet dreams. She dreams of the events of the night, but this time, you die. Wade holds a charred, smoldering body in his hands.

She lurches forward when she wakes up, still crying like she was in her dream.

“Baby, baby, sweetheart, what happened?” Yukio, already awake, rushes from the attached bathroom to Ellie’s side.

“It- It was last night, b-but Y/N died, and she was all burnt up, crumbling,” Ellie pants, sobs breaking up her breaths.

“Shh, shh… She’s okay, Y/N’s okay… We’re gonna see her today… Shhh…” Yukio repeats the sentiment, holding Ellie, who is sitting on the bed, to her and rocking back and forth steadily.

“What happened?” Sally asks sleepily, awoken by the commotion. “Did her, uh… Did her condition get worse?”

“She’s gonna be alright, Skids. Ellie just had a nightmare about what happened, that’s all.”

“Damn, that sucks. Tell Y/N I said to get well soon.” Sally goes back to sleep after saying this, and both Ellie and Yukio get ready to leave.

After this, they check in with Piotr and leave for the hospital, taking a cab there. They wait in the waiting room for visiting hours to begin, and Wade confirms at the desk that they’re allowed to see you.

Ellie and Yukio follow Wade down the halls to your room. You’re awake, sort of.

“Hey guys…” You give them the sleepiest, sweetest grin that makes it more than worth the wait.

“I’m gonna go steal some jello, B-R-B!” Wade announces, exiting swiftly after.

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Ellie says, close to crying again.

“Hey, hey, none of that. Look, look… They tell me I’m gonna match Wade.” You hold up your leg, which is heavily bandaged, before letting it flop down on the bed, as if it’s too heavy to lift. Ellie realizes you must be under general anesthesia of some sort. It’d explain your grogginess.

“I’m sorry,” Yukio says. “I should’ve told you or Ellie about the sleepover, I-”

“Sleepover? Right, right, with Jubilee. Don’t blame yourself for me not sending you a text before running into a burning building. Damn, those anti-mutant freaks can’t even bomb a building right. There’s hundreds of people in there and the only person they managed to even injure is me. Damn it, why couldn’t they have gotten that shithead Quentin or something? I’m kidding, I’m kidding…”

Ellie laughs too hard, so glad to hear you make your twisted jokes that she’d usually scoff at, that Yukio would usually playfully scold you for.

“You- If I’d been in there, you would’ve saved my life. You thought I was in danger, and you just… Ran in, without even thinking. I’m- I’m so grateful,” Yukio says.

“Babe, of course. What else would I do?” You ask.

“I don’t know, stay safe and not be stupid?” Ellie mumbles. Now that she knows you’re okay, she can be angry at you for being so reckless.

“You ran after her too, jackass. I’m just faster,” you defend yourself with a scoff.

“Yeah, and you passed out due to smoke inhalation faster, too,” Ellie argues. You sigh.

“I’m not gonna apologize, Ellie,” you make it known. “I don’t regret going in there. What if she’d really been in there? What if someone else was? If I died in there, I wouldn’t have regretted it, because it was the right thing to do.”

“Forgive me if that sounds more suicidal than heroic,” Ellie says with a roll of her eyes, not even hinting at what a hurtful thing that was to say, considering her nightmare last night.

“Y/N,” Yukio scolds, though there’s no malice in her tone, just frustration. “You shouldn’t say things like that! Ellie just had a bad dream about you dying in the fire last night! She cried in her sleep and even after she woke up!”

“Yukio,” Ellie hisses. “You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.” So much for hiding it.

“Babe,” you fret, reaching out to stroke her cheek with your bandaged hand. She turns away at the sight of it, not letting you touch her. If she’d just been faster, maybe she could’ve helped you get out sooner, made you realize you couldn’t stay, that Yukio was somewhere else.

You can’t hide your expression of disappointment at her withdrawal.

“I’m happy you’re both okay, and I am sorry for worrying you and scaring you, just not for what I did,” you admit.

“Fine. I guess I can deal with that,” Ellie decides. She hates herself for being so selfish and afraid, and even hates you a little for not being those things as well. You could’ve stayed safe with her. You didn’t. You sacrificed your life for the potential of saving someone else’s, and you didn’t even regret it, despite only hurting yourself. “I just- You could’ve died.”

“Yeah, I could’ve, but I didn’t, so… Get over it,” you say. You’d tried to be patient, light-hearted, but between Ellie’s pushiness, your nausea from the anesthesia, and your overall exhaustion, it’s not easy to keep up. “It’s not like you almost died.”

“But didn’t I?” Ellie responds, the words almost silently slipping out of her mouth before she can stop them.

You sigh, reaching out to her again. She takes your hand this time, Yukio already holding your other and just watching, grateful to see you again after being so worried.

“I’m sorry we haven’t really chatted much other than arguing, but can I sleep some more?” you request. “You guys can stay in here if you don’t mind the increased potential for drooling and the fact that I might wake up and vomit, but I’m very drowsy.”

“Of course you can sleep, honey bunny. You need more rest so you can heal up faster,” Yukio agrees, while Ellie nods. You yawn before closing your eyes and trying to fall asleep.

You fail at this task, trying for minutes that felt like hours. You open your eyes, looking around. Ellie’s fallen asleep, still clutching your hand, but Yukio is awake, just watching both of you. Careful not to wake up your other girlfriend, you scoot away from Yukio, attempting to make a space for her. She squeezes in, your bodies eventually overlapping as you cuddle.

“I love you,” Yukio quietly says. “Last night, Ellie and I stayed up pretty late, just talking about you. Our worries about you, our favorite memories of you, what we love about you… It really helped us calm down, but I realized that we should be telling you these things that we appreciate about you, not just remembering them when you almost die.”

“Babe, you guys make me feel plenty appreciated.” It’s true. They give you lots of praise, and you them. Despite any other flaws in the relationship, that was a strong attribute of it.

“But- But still. What if you had died, not knowing exactly how much we love you? How much I love you?”

“Love, I promise I know. I love you two, too. Let’s just cuddle and try to relax. I’ve got an x-ray later.”

“Okay…” Yukio agrees, and once you’re in the safety of her arms, you both fall asleep.

Everything is gonna be okay.

[sofreakinmanyfandoms]

November 21 - First Date (Sequel to “Haiku...”)

I couldn’t resist. There needed to be more of this universe.

Word count: 1946

Warnings: Fluff. Bad luck. A bit of self-depreciation on Clint’s part, but the reader sets him straight.

Pairing: Clint Barton X Reader (Modern!AU)

“How do you always look like such a mess?” Natasha chided as she fruitlessly attempted to smooth the wrinkles in Clint’s shirt. He swore it had been freshly pressed when he’d put on two minutes ago.

“Wish I knew,” he sighed ruefully as he studied his reflection in the mirror, giving up on his untamable hair. “Then maybe I could figure out how to fix it.”

“Hey,” she told him seriously, and if he hadn’t known her as long as he had he might have missed the note of affection in her voice. “There’s nothing to fix. It’s just your own brand of charm, and anyone who doesn’t agree –”

“Can shove off,” he finished with a little grin. “So you’ve told me. I’m really hoping this one doesn’t shove off, though.”

Nat laughed, giving him a little shove towards the door. “You’re gonna be late if you don’t get out there. Go enjoy your evening. Have some fun, live a little. Tell me all about it when you get back.”

Clint waved without looking back as he made his way out the door and across the hallway. Less than ten seconds after he knocked you were opening the door.

Wow. You looked… Wow. Both your dress and your leggings looked so soft he bit his tongue to keep from reaching out to touch them. The colors looked fantastic on you, the fabric falling in a way that perfectly accented your figure and the faint pinstripes doing things that were definitely good for you and made everything difficult for Clint.

“Hi,” he breathed. “You look incredible.”

“Thanks,” you replied with a faint blush before your tone turned teasing. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

Clint shook his head. “I look like a dumpster fire. You look gorgeous. I feel underdressed. Aw, I don’t even know where we’re going, I totally underdressed, didn’t I?”

You stopped him before he could work himself into a panic. “Clint, relax.” Your hand came up and tried to smooth out the collar of his purple button-up. (Really, he swore it had been pressed when he put it on.) “Your clothing is actually dressier than mine. Dresses just tend to add an appearance of being dressed up while secretly being as comfy as sweatpants. You won’t look out of place at all tonight.”

“I really hope you’re not just saying that,” Clint said, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “I… I really like you, and I want tonight to go well.”

“And it will,” you assured him, tucking your hand through his arm and leading the way towards the stairs. “Honestly, if you’re half as nice as I think you are, everything could go wrong tonight and I’d still want a second date.”

----------

You probably shouldn’t have said that. Jinxing and all that.

----------

“Aw, diner, no,” Clint said as the two of you stood outside the flaming inferno that had been where you’d made dinner reservations. “That wasn’t quite to plan.”

Your laughter surprised him. “No, no it wasn’t. I didn’t realize Philippe worked so hard.”

The man in question had been the main cook at the classic diner that was now up in flames. He was being checked out by paramedics after falling asleep in the kitchen and getting the oil in one of the pans too hot, starting a fire which sparked and spread shortly after you’d arrived. The diner’s owner had managed to get him out before the fire completely took over, but he’d inhaled a lot of smoke. Apparently working double shifts for two weeks had left the single father too exhausted to function. The owner Mr. Francis was blaming himself for not seeing how run-down his chef was becoming, while Philippe merely clung to his little girl Madeline and breathed from the oxygen mask one of the paramedics had thrust into his hands.

“So obviously Margie’s is out,” you said, surveying the barely-contained damage. “Know anywhere that’ll feed two slightly singed people who reek of smoke?”

“Well,” Clint paused, shuffling uncomfortably, “I do, but it’s probably not your scene.”

“Try me.”

----------

It really wasn’t your scene, but you were having too much fun to care. You’d been halfway through your second beer and third hotdog when one of the other regulars at the hole-in-the-wall bar that Clint had brought you to had challenged your date to a game of darts. Apparently Clint had never lost, and it was a tradition among the regulars for them to each try to beat him whenever he came in.

“Sorry, kid,” a guy who introduced himself as Wade had told you. “Date or no date, it’s about time someone beat your boyfriend at his own game.”

“Not my game,” Clint had insisted with a smirk, electing to ignore the boyfriend part. “Archery’s my game. You pathetic lot can’t even beat me at my hobby.”

With much laughter and teasing all around, he’d had beaten five different patrons before you’d decided it was your turn. Maybe it was the alcohol in your bloodstream or maybe it was the fun you were having, but either way, as you told Wade, “If none of you can beat him it’s time to get some fresh blood in the mix.”

“I can’t take you on,” Clint whined, “competition ruins dates.”

You leaned in, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth while giving him your best puppy eyes, internally cheering when his breath hitched.

“You sure it won’t just get us fired up for later?” you asked, dropping your voice low and making it a little breathy. The group of regulars hooted and slapped Clint on the back as he blushed a deep red.

“Come on, Hawkeye,” a big guy named Luke called out, using the nickname you’d learned they’d long ago given your date. “What, are you afraid your pretty date will wipe the floor with you?”

He paused for a moment. “Do you want to throw first or shall I?” Your reply was nearly drowned out by the cheers and whistles of the crowd, but Clint picked up his darts and stepped up to make his first throw.

A red-fletched dart hit the center of the bullseye and Clint stepped back, bowing and waving you to the official throwing mark. You gave him your best curtsy and batted your eyelashes as you stepped forward.

Thunk.

A green-fletched dart wedged aside the red one, embedding itself in the same hole in the dartboard.

The group was surprisingly quiet, Clint included, every one wide-eyed and slack-jawed. You couldn’t help but smirk a little as you stepped aside and motioned for Clint to take his spot again.

“I may have idolized a certain archer in my teens,” you whispered in his ear, “and since I didn’t have a bow I practiced my aim with darts.”

“New rule,” Clint said with a grin. “I’ll put the dart wherever I like and you have to hit the same spot I did.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Four more rounds, Clint spaced out his darts evenly. Three more rounds, you landed your dart against his on the other three sides. For the fourth round, you smirked, altered the angle of your throw, and placed your dart so it knocked his out of the board entirely, taking over its spot.

“Well,” Wade said after a moment of silence, “I think we have a new champion.”

“You were right,” Clint whispered in your ear as his arms wrapped around you, “I am feeling particularly fired up.”

----------

The two of you stood outside the door to your apartment, your back against the wall as Clint pressed into you and your mouths devoured each other.

“I can’t believe,” Clint mumbled between kisses, “that I had a date literally go up in flames and it wasn’t a deal breaker.”

You cupped your hand to his jaw, pausing for a moment and looking deep in his eyes.

“Anyone who’d give you up is an idiot.” Your jaw clenched at his self-deprecating laugh. “I’m serious, Clint. You’re kind and sweet and funny and so damn real, I can’t imagine how anyone could keep from falling for you.” You placed a much lighter kiss to his nose. “I’m already well on my way, so if you don’t think this will work out I need to know before I’m too far gone.”

No one had ever talked to him like that before, like they were a sure thing and it was actually his choice if the relationship would continue or not. Clint had already liked you, but that feeling he got when you locked eyes with him was definitely edging closer to love than he was expecting.

“I wanna see where this goes,” he finally replied, placing a soft kiss to your forehead. “I wanna do this right, because you deserve it. You deserve the world, so much more than I can give you, but if you’re willing to take a chance on me I’m not going anywhere.” He shot you a wry smile. “Other than back to my apartment, anyway. I’m gonna go shower and pretend to sleep and text you in the morning to arrange another date.”

“Or,” you offered, “you could just show up at my apartment whenever you wake up and I could feed you breakfast.”

“And if you’re still asleep?”

“Natasha has a key. I gave it to her a week ago in case I ever lock myself out. You can just come on in and make yourself at home.”

His breath caught in his throat and yup, that feeling was definitely a lot closer to love than it should be at this stage. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Goodnight,” you whispered, giving him one last (hungrier than it probably should have been) kiss before slipping into your apartment.

Clint found himself whistling as he made his way across the hall and into his place, jumping when Natasha’s voice came out of the dark living room.

“You smell like smoke and beer and hotdogs. How was your date?”

“Geez, Nat,” he hissed, reaching for the light switch and bathing the room in the glow of the lone incandescent bulb. “Don’t scare me like that.”

She took in his slightly scorched and definitely sweaty appearance. “You look like you were near a fire.”

“Uh, yeah, the first place we went ended up in flames, so we went to Logan’s.”

“You took a date to Logan’s?” The censure in Natasha’s voice was unmistakable.

Clint sank into the couch with a dreamy look on his face. “Yeah, I took her to Logan’s. Nat, she beat me at darts.”

There was a moment of silence, then, “Wow. When’s the wedding?”

“Maybe next year,” Clint mused, “in the early autumn. You know, that point when leaves are turning but it hasn’t gotten too cold yet? She likes that time of year best.” He blinked. “She invited me over for breakfast tomorrow. Said you have a key?”

“Yeah, it’s the pink one in the junk drawer,” Nat said, lifting herself out of the armchair and heading down the hall towards her bedroom. “Since I now know you’re home and not in need of medical attention, I’ll be off to bed. Try to sleep sometime tonight so you don’t look like a zombie for your second date.”

The dreamy smile floated back onto Clint’s face. “Second date…”

----------

The next morning, Natasha awoke to the sound of fabric ripping and an exasperated yell of, “Aw, pants, no!” She snorted, rolled over, and went back to sleep. Clint could deal with his own mess.

Man, you were in for a wild ride with that one.

[icarusredwings]

Fortunately, Wade has re-died multiple times already before they found the girls, He found out because some other group of scared humans shot him. Wade, like an idiot, had tried to be friendly and was attempting to bring them a can of corn but honestly his friendly demenure scares other people WAY more then regular zombies because its the idea that Wade is SENTIENT. He can "talk" "feel" and has emotions.

He understands when you tell him things and while sometimes he dosn't make the best choices he is still very human like. This is the part that scares Logan and most others.

Zombies aren't conscious. They dont have prefered foods and like hugs. They couldn't figure out simple puzzles like if one door is locked to go around to the back door or how to properly use stairs and simple slide locks. They didn't ask their daughters about their day and play catch with them. They didn't sit at the table and whimper for their non zombie husband to feed them. They are just hosts to the virus.

But if anything, the virus is a new host to Wade's cancer, making him even more disgusting from the fact his flesh is literally falling off, but he can't die from the virus. His brain is much stronger then theirs and because of this- The idea of a person like wade, whos clever enough to put his hands up and drop to his knees when he sees other people now, going around eating people, possibly fooling them into false trust.

You're right, though. Wade is so SO proud of his girls and even more proud of Laura for forcibly having to mature quick enough to protect Gabby and handle her mentally as well as physically being able to provide for her.

Once or twice, Wade has found Laura crying from the stress of her father being gone and having to watch both Wade and gabby. Everything in her logic side of her mind was screaming at her to get away from him, but his arms were out, and his parental eyes got her to cling to him, hugging him tightly as she sobbed into him. The type of hug where she loses control of her claws and ends up stabbing him the same way her father does after a nightmare.

"Ooh!! Are we allowed hugs today?"

Only for Laura to scream at her to stop, to get back. She's a mess, ugly crying and tears running down her face faster then she can clean them.

Gabby jumps, tilting her head in soft shock before crossing her arms. "I'm telling dad that you're hogging papa!"

She runs off and laura turns to look at Wade, whos softly snickering. They laugh and deep down are glad that Gabs is so innocent still. To her, Laura didn't want her to steal her papa time but in reality she's still scared of gabby being bit despite physically in his arms.

And yes, Logan IS selfishly glad to know that if Wade ever truly does go feral, that it will most likely be Laura to do the job. She isn't hesitant. He taught her not to. And sometimes she's far too well trained. Being so young (COUGH and materal rage/ hormones COUGH) she is far too trigger happy but in truth guns won't do anything for wade.

Logan has learned that the only chance they had was decapitating him and burying his head miles away from his body. Yeah, his body will just regrow or his head will just reform but it will take about 12 hours which is plenty time for Logan to take the girls and book it to where ever else they could go.

Would it absolutely DESTROY his heart to abandon wade like this and leave most of their supplies? Yes. But he knows wade would never forgive himself if he turned one of the girls. Never in a million years.

This was far proven when gabby wandered too far from the cabin and wade tackled another zombie meer seconds before gabby was bit.

Imagine being a 13 year old girl watching your papa go APE SHIT on a fellow zombie, ripping him apart, dismembering him, throwing his organs as far as he could, shaking their leg around like a street dog does to a turkey leg.

And when he realizes, he stops and just stares at Gabs, covered in blood and ooze, blinking, hoping she wouldn't be scared only to smile widely and say "Wwwooah... That's so cool!! Ah man that guy STINKS!! Now you need a bath!"

Only for Wade to realize that Gabs is conditioned to such brutal murder as long as she doesn't have a connection. She was devastated to hear about puppins and has asked Logan multiple times if they could go find her and keep her.

"No honey, she bit wade almost instantly."

"But shes just a scared puppy! Shes probably hungry!"

"Sigh... gabs I already have too many mouths to feed. Please.. I just... we can't. I need to make sure you're fed. Not a dog..."

"But shes-"

And by now, Logans upset. "I said NO! Now that's enough. I would If we could, alright? Now please...go play."

Because that day he not only did he loose his dog. He lost part of his husband too..

I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO

Anyway.

Thinking about apocolpse au.

Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)

"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"

And wades like:

"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"

And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)

"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."

"Rah?" 🤔

"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."

"Mmmmh..." 🥺 (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)

"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."

"Raah!!" 😄

And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)

But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.

The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.

Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.

"Grr-"

"Aye! That's enough outta ya"

"GggRah!"

"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"

"Mmmh??"

"Bad!!"

"Mmh....rahah.."

"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"

Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.

He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.

"...aahh-"

"Wade- No."

"Ggr.. raahh"

"Wade! No! Bad."

"Mmmh..."

"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"

He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.

"Then don't bite me."

"Mmh? Mrah?"

"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."

"Mmmh...🥺 ahrrah?"

"No, not even a tiny one."

"Mm...😔"

Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"

"🙂‍↕️mh"

"Good."

Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.

You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.

This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.

"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"

"Rahahrah?"

"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"

"Aawr..😔"

The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.

He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.

This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.

Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally

When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.

"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'

Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.

"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.

Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..