#using the tags as my diary again:
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it is a little bit funny that for so long i was convinced that dating confident, older men was the only way to go. i had this vision of myself that was young and naive and i was sure that when it came to dating, i needed to follow someone else's lead. but as it turns out! both with eddie and in real life! i am actually the hot, older woman that doesn't mind taking charge! i actually know what i'm doing and what i want more than i thought i did! and i LIKE IT! life changing realizations happening over here, everyone
#my therapist is gonna be thrilled to hear about this development#using the tags as my diary again:#i think i created this persona in my head of#'i don't pursue'#'i don't make the first move'#'that's not who i am'#not because it was really who i am#but because that felt very SCARY!#because when you pursue and when you make the first move! you can be rejected!#so i convinced myself those were never things i could or would do#i convinced myself that i needed someone else#who knew what they were doing and knew what they wanted#to come and pursue me instead#but that's not actually the case!#i am confident and powerful now and i can literally do anything#and that's COOL!#i can pursue actually!#i can make the first move actually!#don't even know if this will make sense to anyone else but! it makes sense to ME!#LIVE#eddie.txt#otp: semi-charmed
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A piece I started after finishing exit strategy. Wanted to use my markers again! Also black and white version under the cut!
#the murderbot diaries#murderbot#my art#okay posting again because it isn’t showing up in any tag#not entirely satisfied as i’m not sure how clear it is that that is murderbot’s face reflected in the helmet but it was nice to get some#practice in using markers#CombatUnit#SecUnit
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watching this play out over the last couple of years has been incredible
#they really are just. weird kids friend group.#it’s all very poetic#and a little bit hilarious like okayy mr phd sit down😭#maybe they’ll confirm/go more in depth about the gang’s neuroses next season#canon autistic charlie u will be mine..#but fr nothing has made me feel as seen as finding out they’re just like me :(#and ofc it makes so much sense in hindsight that the show would attract a neurodivergent audience#but i didnt know that when i first started getting into this show as a way to cope with my late diagnoses#like what do u mean i wasn’t just projecting?#sorry for using tags as a diary it will happen again
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wilting victorian hours
#matsui gou#touken ranbu#tkrb#tourabu#touken ranbu fanart#my art#textpost parody#i think i have finally worked out my general post schedule moving forward so i can balance all my fandoms#and not be totally forsaken by the algo....... gazes....#pandora hearts mondays virche wednesdays and tkrb fridays hell yea#hopefully this will be sustainable because im about to drop off the face of the earth again and be posting a big backlog of art#i rly just use tags as a diary entry help WELL ANYWAY HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND YALL
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to love someone is to heal someone
#~ art#♥️ memoryshipping#ignore tags if youre just here for the art and not me going full diary mode#anyways ... this is a little personal to me#especially with how i treat her here. i think this is a direct projection of how i'm feeling right now#today has been a little harsh on me - maybe a little painful even#i'm okay now - because i resolved it. albeit harboring some bits of anger to it but its not worth fighting about anymore#its hard to say that i'm - very optimistic so to speak because it's only one pillar i just jumped over and there will be more later#and this is me coping with it and im lucky to have mustered some energy to at least express it through drawing#i havent been drawing much for myself and it makes me sad because its my source of happiness#my time for drawing is being repurposed for other stuff right now and it still is and i dont feel entirely happy doing it unfortunately#i still have many things i want to follow up on my drawing list especially in my recent interests peaking again#but i resorted for now to making something im already used to. stevaide lol fgsjsddsjjsdjkghsdjgdjkhskjghshsgsasjhjsjksdjfhsfasgs corny ass#rest assured im at a somewhat relaxed state right now. throwing boops here and there calmed me down because theres people around me#who ig thinks im cool eajdhajhd#ahh anyway
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saiki would really hate being drunk, he's a control freak so being so out of himself would be a nightmare for him
even worse If his powers act on his own, if he's still half conscious he would start panicking
EVEN WORSE If he throws up he would hate it so much omg
#i just got really drunk for the first time and i HATED IT my head hurt#never again#im proyecting but come on he would rather die than feeling all dizzy and weird#i can see him astral proyecting accidentally while being drunk#AA THAT WOULD FEEL SO WEIRD#saiki k#the disastrous life of saiki k#kusuo saiki#thinking thinking thinking#i dont have wifi in my house and probably it wont return for a long time so dont expect anything from me for a while#im living a nightmare#i love using the tags as a personal diary
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taco bell bong sfx
#color palette art btw!! i like didnt allow myself to add my own colors#all this is mixed and taken from the pallete#OR with the use of layer effects#looks nice that way i think...#it was like gonna be a painted experimental test doodle thing????#bc ivebeen feeling a bit rendery again? except using the basic brush and adding texture with brush strokes#KILLS MY HAND BTW DONT DO THIS WITH BAD PAINS LIKE I DO LOOOL#(HAS NOT SEEN A DOCTOR ABOUT IT. BEEN HAPPENING FOR A YEAR) (IM IN AGONY) (KEEPS MAKING AMBITIOUS ART ANYWAY BC I LIKE IT)#BUT LIKE.. i was gonna do like. several managers#not just ben. several. i was hoping for at least 2 that day. just a painted doodle smthn nice. WRONG!#YOURE GUZMA CATHAL SPADES SPAMTONGENDER OF COURSE YOU OVERDETAIL IT!#BUT ANYWAYE... yeah.... i think the result is nice and im proud#ok what else did i want to say before i make these notes a diary again#uhhh#oh yeah. i plan other mgrs like this but i have other stuff in the works rn#that one brain doodle and high roller again sorry the obsession doesnt end with a few drawings#woops! okay to the actual tags hehe ...........................#toontown corporate clash#toontown#bellringer#guz art#oh thats it oop
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"Anyone who thinks machine intelligences don't have emotions needs to be in this very uncomfortable room right now."
#mbd#murderbot diaries#network effect#surrealism#love#hope#edit#credit.bestiewave#again: don't usually tag with the stuff my pieces are based on#but this one is very heavily based on the book and uses text from it so#this series has rewired my brain#i actually made this last year but forgot to post it#it's been sitting in my drafts for months
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guy i drew for an assignment o(--(
#i call him the yaoi dragon#using my tags as a diary again but its been tough guys. i just wanna draw fanart alas ive been doomed by assignments#this guy was fun tho i like him#original character#my art
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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my intrusive thoughts are admittedly very funny sometimes simply bc they are so uncreative
brain: ur going to hell
me: okay. I’m gonna watch a video now.
brain: …ur gonna go to hell
me: yeah I heard u. anyway I’m watching the video now. it’s pretty fun. nice routine, I’ve seen it a few times.
brain: yeah yeah okay. anyway. ur going to hell.
Like can we get some new material please I’m Bored
#blue chatter#I realize I post about this constantly I’m Sorry#but also I like having a written record of where I am at different times and I decided#(dubiously)#to make said diary public and viewable#perhaps a bad choice on my part but you’re free to unfollow if you don’t like it#not like ppl reblog most of these#so like. Deal. u could even blacklist the tag I’m p diligent about using this tag#surprising given that I’m terrible at remembering to tag things#anyway. point being. it will come up again rip to y’all ig.
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the sun is up, my stomach is full of blueberry juice
¦¦
I have a hint of headache. I really could use therapy today or pottery to re-center myself. ››
Maybe I will go up to the mountains and feel the rain. I hope to find peaceful music today; I am still feeling ?slight panic/paranoia? so spotify is too much (u don't wanna know). ‹‹
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It's not a rest day. I need to find the sweet spot with maintenance and whether it's metaphorically minimum payments or paying off the interest.
My legs don't feel great so long walk exploring day.. I should be moderate. Maybe I could see a movie instead. Maybe maybe. Happy Moonday~
Aug 12.24
psps I need to pack and sleep tonight. I must get proper tired (without injury, woe my knee / wo ai ni~) and not squander the daylight.
#nts#personal#I used to tag journal/diary posts maybe I'll start again#even tho I dread the day tumblr dies if my sequence memory is stored here#spilled ink
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me staring at this stupid ai website google led me to while i was trying to find references/tutorials. incoherently. tempted to log into instagram again just to get inspiration from my old horror art mutuals but i also do not care about digging up my password again and i wouldn't be surprised if some of them have moved stuff off there by now
#anyway blah#i'm still coasting on 2-3 hours of sleep and trying to draw monsters wheee#going for sharp teeth which i want to practice more since my usual go-to for horror is human and horse teeth#and i feel like if i practice more i could get much more satisfying results#also i'm solidly in kpopl phase again i briefly mentioned that a few days ago#i will never stop using my tags as random diary entries#but i know its for sure back when i start watching variety shows again#and its a mixed feeling because while i do enjoy it i tend to only get back into kpop mode when my mental health is tanking in all other#aspects i've observed#it's like comfort content but the kind that lets you know “ah shit here we go again”#anyway also i am so excited because the kaiju no. 8 anime is getting to the good part now#and there was this beautifully animated shot with the clouds dissipating after an explosion#with the wisps framing the moon#it was so nice i am still thinking abou t it#i think i am starting to get tired though while typign this so i should stop and try to work on art more#yayyy#wheeeeee#whoooooo
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is somebody gonna match my freak?? (quoting revenge of the sith in everyday conversation)
yes. yes he does.
#the bumble diaries#i used to dream of times like these#for context i can’t sleep so i’m watching revenge of the sith#update: he called to schedule a second date!!!#we decided on next week#and then went on another star wars tangent before we could decide on a day and time#and then we went back and forth showing off our collection of star wars mugs#we were gonna talk again after dinner and then i fell asleep :(#this blog on here is basically my diary and you guys are my besties#so i’ll keep you posted#if you find this annoying though feel free to block the tag i use for this stuff lol#star wars#revenge of the sith
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finding out my new boss is like 10 years older than i thought she was bc she has a good skincare routine has inspired me to finally start one myself 🫡 currently just cleanser and moisturizer (and spf but it's bad for night i hear) but i will add more if i see fit.. feeling hashtag girl
#diary#< maybe ill start using this tag again for personal posts like i did on my old blog for a while
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what do you MEAN theres an earthquake during the fucking tropical storm
#this area hasnt been hit by a tropical storm/hurricane since the 1930s!!!!#the earthquake was only a m5.6 so nothing was even knocked over but i did feel the rolling#and a shitton of aftershocks#but also: what in all bloody hell? hey universe? chill the FUCK out???#note: we're fine so far. i expect flooding to be the biggest concern here but im on the 2nd floor so ill be fine. idk about the rest of#the area. anyways. im going back to fucking petsims and then ill go back to reading#trying to remember oh yeah i can use this as my fucking public diary in a way.#hollerin#<-maybe ill make that my talk tag. still deciding. i wanna use it like that again#bc i dont wanna go back to bird hell with how its been lately ghjk
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