#until you realize how awful you’ve felt your whole life hiding your true self

[buckymorelikefuckme]

am i gonna cry about this for a minute? maybe so! 😤

i forget how new this autism stuff is for me (as in: being aware of it) and then i’m reminded by moments where i mess up with social cues or something and i’m like “oh.”

[yslkook]

IF I GOT YOU (7)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: one month later...and things start to come to a head. you feel more at peace than you've ever felt, but as usual, what remains peaceful is always interrupted.

pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc

warnings: cursing, alc, excessive use of pet names, HELLA HELLA toxic friendship and dynamics, suggestive content (hooking up and other mentions)

word count: 4066

a/n: if you want to be tagged, send an ask plz. would love to hear your thoughts

Despite a month going by from the last time you spoke to Jungkook in the park and put all of your feelings out in the open, spring air, you feel lighter than ever. Maybe most of that has to do with the simple fact that you’ve finally cut out a toxic, deadweight from your life. Regardless of what ends up happening with you and Jungkook as friends or more than that, at least you are at peace and happy with being yourself.

Besides, it’s not like you don’t ever see him. You see him when you visit the tattoo parlor (but you haven’t allowed yourself to be alone with him and he hasn’t initiated), you’ve seen him at impromptu nights out, at Yoongi’s apartment. Neither of you allow yourself to be alone with each other, since you had both agreed to wait. Even your text message thread with him is dry, though.

You miss him, hoping that a notification of his name with the bunny emoji attached to it flashes across the screen. But it doesn’t.

For all of his bravado, he feels somewhat shy around you on the few occasions that he’s seen you. Jungkook will go out of his way to avoid you, hiding (as much as he can) behind Mina and Mei.

He misses you. Jungkook misses the feel of your lips molding against his, the way you felt in his arms, but most of all he misses your shy smile and your loud laugh. He misses the way your eyes shine when you speak about something you’re passionate about.

Mina had said you were both being stupid, taking time away from each other when you both are denying the inevitable. But it made sense in your mind and his. You want to know what kind of person you were without the burden of Sora’s judgment weighing heavily in every frame of your life. You take the time you need to take to recenter yourself and feel somewhat whole again.

It doesn’t take you long to adjust to life without a former best friend. You quickly begin to notice how different you feel, how differently you approach basic things that you hadn’t really put much thought to before.

It feels so refreshing to not feel like you’re walking in some metaphorical shadow of someone who didn’t really care about you. Well, you think on some level, she did care. But along with the insignificant way she made you feel, it’s not enough to justify it. And you’re really grateful that you don’t need to anymore.

In fact, you’ve already deleted most pictures with her on your social medias. You haven’t quite been able to block her yet, but you think you’ll be ready to do that soon enough.

The ever elusive notion of time really does seem to heal nearly all forms of hurt.

“So,” Yoongi starts, sitting next to you on his new black leather couch and handing you a glass of red wine.

“Don’t start with me,” You say, poking his shoulder.

“I’m not starting anything with you,” Yoongi shrugs, but his eyes twinkle.

“Oh? That’s the voice you use when you have gossip or when you’re about to interrogate me,” You mutter, rolling your eyes with a fond smile.

“Maybe it’s a little of both,” Hobi chimes in, sitting on your other side. He leans back and drapes his legs over your lap, to which you instantly rest your hands over his legs.

“How lucky for me,” You mumble, taking a long swig of your wine. You’ll need it.

“How’s that witch doing,” Yoongi asks bluntly.

“I don’t know, I told you I cut her off and kicked her out of my house like a month ago,” You reply, “Did you forget already?”

“No, I just like hearing that you finally came to your fucking senses,” Yoongi says, “She was awful, but I’ll commend you for sticking it out for this long. Cheers, the witch is finally gone-”

“I believe the phrase is, ‘ding dong, the witch is dead’, but this will suffice,” Hobi says and yelps when you swat his shoulder.

“Don’t be rude,” You say, “But… thank you for helping me see the light. Even if it took a while. And I’m sorry it affected our friendship, too.”

“Ah, well, we’re all here now,” Hobi says, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Yeah. So cheers,” Yoongi says again, raising his glass to you both, “Cheers to you for choosing yourself. And to new beginnings.”

“You’ll make me cry,” You say honestly, offering your friends a watery smile.

“As if we’ve never seen you cry before,” Hobi scoffs. And it’s true- they are two of your oldest friends, and even if you’ve come to the realization that maybe you hadn’t been the greatest friend to them… That bond is hard to sever, and you’re grateful that they’ve always had your back.

“Drink up,” You say with a smile, “Cheers to new beginnings.”

Yoongi has always been a little sly, unassuming but always with several tricks up his sleeve. When he so desires to cause a little mischief and stir the pot a little. And Hobi is all too happy to engage.

Which is how you end up several glasses of red wine and rose deep (yes, you mixed, rookie mistake but who cares. You’re in the presence of some of your greatest friends, after all).

And then Yoongi goes in for the kill.

“How’s our Jungkookie,” He asks, without missing a beat. You choke on your wine and wince when it somehow gets lodged in your nose.

“I don’t know. Think he’s good,” You finally respond, your words sounding slurred, “Ask Hobi. They work together, if you didn’t know.”

“Oh, thanks for the information. I had no idea.”

“Happy to be of service,” You say, leaning into Hobi's side, “Ikindofmisshim.”

“What was that? Didn’t quite catch that,” Yoongi says, a self-satisfied smirk blooming on his lips. He heard you, of course he did, but you don’t seem to pick up on it.

“I said I kind of miss him,” You reply, a dreamy look in your eyes, “Do you think he misses me, too?”

Hobi chokes back a laugh but you hear it and offer him a glare. “Don’t make fun of me!”

“Nobody’s making fun of you, stupid,” Yoongi says poking your forehead, “And yeah. Your man doesn’t shut up about you. Always with those eyes around you.”

“He’s not my man,” You whine pathetically.

“Yeah, that’s a mystery to both of us,” Hobi says, “How long are you both gonna keep this up?”

“Keep what up?”

“This weird awkward dance you both do around each other. Avoiding each other when we’re all together. It’s kinda funny, like we all know you both wanna fuck so bad-”

“Shut up! That’s- that’s not- shut up!”

Yoongi and Hoseok both burst into laughter, drunken giggles loud in the living room and you can’t help but laugh with them.

Clubs were never your most favorite place to unwind, but you make an exception for tonight. For Mina and Mei, you’ll make an exception. The three of you had gotten ready together in Mei’s home, in between sips of cocktails that she had poured out. Mina had done your makeup for you, giving you the sharpest eyeliner you’ve ever seen on your eyelids as well as a bold red lipstick.

It’s not a club night if there is no red lipstick involved, after all.

Your makeup usually looks good when you apply it yourself, but Mina has a genuine eye and skill for makeup artistry. You recall her telling you that she’d always dreamed of going to beauty school but hadn’t pursued it. You had told her that it’s never too late to fulfill a dream and she had only smiled at you.

“Hey,” You say, “Is Jimin coming tonight? How’d your date last week go?”

“It was really good,” Mina says, something sweet in her voice, “He made me dinner and dessert. And then I sucked his soul from his cock an hour later and he even made me squirt. And yeah, he’s coming tonight to the club. We’ll see what happens...”

“Wow,” You nod, listening with wide eyes, “That sounds amazing. I’m really happy things are going well for you both. Including the horny stuff.”

“The horny stuff?” Mei laughs, “You’re cute.”

“Shut up,” You say, playfully shoving her shoulder, “It’s no joking matter that he made you squirt.”

“Yeah, I high fived him after,” Mina says slyly, “It was… a night. Can’t wait to have another night like that. But I’m gonna make him work for it tonight.”

“As you should,” You nod solemnly, “What about you Mei? Are we drinking until we blackout or are you playing hard to get with Seulgi?”

“Who says we can’t do both?” Comes Mei’s muffled response.

“Cheers to that,” You reply, “Are… Jimin’s roommates coming?”

“You think you’re slick, huh?” Mina snorts, “You wondering about Jungkook?”

“N-no, I haven’t seen Taehyung in a while either-”

“Tae’s coming, but Jungkook isn’t. Something about having a long week and wanting to chill at home.”

“Oh, gotcha,” You say, cheeks ablaze as you avoid her eyes. Unable to hold the slight sting of disappointment from your voice.

Mina and Mei see right through it but they say nothing, only handing you a refill of your now empty glass.

Despite the relatively steady stream of drinks in your hand (an illusion, really, you’ve been nursing the same two drinks all night), you’re almost completely sober. In fact, you’re more tired than anything else. It seems that Jungkook had the right idea to stay home tonight. You’re rather benignly jealous of his decision.

You enjoy dancing and singing with your friends, feeling the thrum and excitement of music and your close companions bursting through your veins.But environments like this overwhelm you sometimes. All of the flashing lights, sometimes smoke and all of the people… Tonight seems to be one of those nights.

“Wanna dance?” Comes a rich, velvety voice behind you to the right. It’s Taehyung, and you’d rather dance with Taehyung than anyone else in this club. With the exception being Jungkook, but he’s not here right now.

“Okay,” You nod, taking his hand when he offers it to you. Your thoughts flit to Jungkook briefly.

Taehyung is good company, always keeping you with a smile on your face and filling you up with laughter. He keeps you close with easy, gentle movements as you both belt out the words to whatever song is playing on the speakers. But Taehyung has always been observant.

“You don’t really wanna be here, huh? I’d take it personally, if I didn’t know you,” Taehyung teases.

“No, it’s not that,” You murmur, “Just have never been a big club goer, that’s all. Jungkook had the right idea in staying home.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung muses, “What are you two doing?”

He’s almost as blunt as Yoongi (who’s also in some corner of the club. Usually, he keeps you company at things like this, but conveniently, he’s nowhere to be found.).

“If I knew I was going to be interrogated in this club, I would’ve drank more,” You say dryly. Taehyung laughs at that and squeezes your shoulder.

“You both deserve to be happy. Just want you to know that.”

“Thanks, Tae,” You say, a grin spreading across your face, “I guess you’re not as sleazy as Mina says you are-”

“Me? Sleazy?” Taehyung gasps, pretending to be affronted. You roll your eyes and offer him your hand.

“Wanna dance?”

Taehyung turns you around and holds your hips tightly in his hands, dancing with you to the beat of the music. It’s nice to be held like this, even if it’s a little dirty.

You don’t notice a pair of sly eyes watching you from across the club.

By the time you excuse yourself to catch a breath and grab some water from the bar, you realize that most of your friends are off doing their own thing. It gives you a second to people watch from the second floor of the curb and lean on the railings, taking in your surroundings. Despite stifling a yawn.

You relish in the cool feel of the icy water flooding your senses, waking you up a little more. You wonder if you can convince Yoongi to take you to get fries or tacos after the night ends. At the thought of tacos, you salivate a little.

But your taco fueled fantasies are broken when a few girls try to push past you to get to the bar. You mumble a soft apology, but it goes unheard. The unmistakable sound of a voice, a voice that you’ve only recently been able to put out of your mind, breaks through the barrier and it makes your heart drop.

It’s an angry call of your name. Your stomach churns, and suddenly you’ve never wanted to learn the art of teleportation more.

Sora, in all her bitter glory, stands in front of you with a full drink in her hands. Beside her are two of her friends, looking resigned and trying to plead with her that they should go.

“Missed me so much that you followed me here, huh?” Sora sneers.

“I’m not even going to entertain that with a response. Or you for that matter,” You say tiredly, trying to step past her.

“All your friends left you. Look at you all alone,” She says and you roll your eyes with a dry laugh.

“I’d rather be alone than have anything to do with you, Sora,” You reply easily, “I’m leaving now-”

But she sidesteps you again, gripping your forearm and looking at you with so much animosity that it makes your skin crawl. Had she always looked at you like that?

“I can’t believe you just dropped me like nothing. After I gave you everything,” Sora says, as if you had said nothing at all. She’s clearly a little drunk, telltale signs of her drunkenness clear on her face. Her words are slurred and she stumbles a little on her feet. You cringe. You don’t want to have this conversation with her whether she’s sober or drunk.

“You treated me like I was nothing,” You snap, “I don’t want to discuss this with you. Now let me go.”

“Or what? There’s nobody here ‘cept you and me, babe,” She says, her lips twisting into a cruel smirk. Her friends have disappeared and warning bells start to go off in your head. She’s right, all of your friends have dispersed. But you manage to fish your phone out of your purse while she rambles to you and send a text to the groupchat, simply stating “pls help, Sora is here”.

Dread seeps into your pores. You just want to be done with her presence.

“Sora, just let me go. Nothing you say will change anything,” You say heatedly, “Fucking let go of me!”

You try to yank your arm out of her grip but her nails are sharp against your skin.

“I loved you, you know that? I fucking gave you everything, you were my best friend,” Sora hisses, “I just wanted to you be happy. To see that I’d do anything for you.”

It takes a minute for the dust to settle but you suddenly begin to understand. “You hurt me! That’s not friendship or l-love, or anything remotely close to it. Nothing you say will change that. I don’t want you around anymore. Take a hint, Sora,” Your voice is cold and deadly, nothing like what Sora is accustomed to.

“Please, let me go,” You beg softly, “Why won’t you let me go?”

Tears spring into your eyes, both from the force she’s holding you with and from how much this is exhausting you.

“What does he have that’s worth all of this?” Sora hisses.

“It doesn’t matter what he has. I like him and I enjoy spending time with him, that’s all that should matter, and I’m not explaining Jungkook to you,” You say coldly, “You lost the right to know a long time ago. If you took your head out of your ass for two seconds, you’d know that this friendship was over months ago.”

By now, both of your voices have raised in volume and pitch, attracting the attention of bystanders. This makes no sense to you, your head is starting to hurt from the implications of her words. You just want to go home. By now, Yoongi has seen your text and is trying to get to the bar to rescue you from Sora.

“He won’t give you what you need,” Sora exclaims.

“Shut up! Just fucking stop talking about him,” You shout, “I’m so fucking sick of this, just leave me the fuck alone. Your opinion doesn’t matter to me anymore, just drop it!”

You feel the need to defend him though, “He’s kind, he has a big heart a-and, you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to you. Just fucking drop it! Leave me alone!”

“You are so fucking blind! You’ve always been such an oblivious fucking bitch,” She screams at you and your blood goes cold. You’ve seen her angry, but not like this not when her eyes are blown over with rage.

Yoongi’s heart is beating in his ears as he tries to find you- this club is fucking huge, where the hell could you be? He’s already sent a text to Jungkook, telling him that you might be in trouble at the club and that nobody could find you.

“Where is he then? If he’s so kind, he must be here right?”

“What the fuck is your problem? You’ve always had a stick up your ass about him specifically- I mean you’ve always have a stick up your ass, but with him it’s like something crawled up there and died-”

“You couldn’t even cuff him? You dropped me for him and you didn’t even cuff him?”

“That’s none of your business!”

“What are you afraid of, babe?” She sneers cruelly, “Afraid he’ll find something he doesn’t like? Or are you afraid you’ll find something that you don’t like?”

Frustration and hurt boils in your belly, causing wetness to pool in your eyes. You shut your eyes tightly, willing the feeling to go away. With all of the calmness you can muster, you throw her hand off of you and rub your forearm gingerly.

Before you can say anything, her eyes narrow to slits. You don’t even have time to react before you feel a sudden wetness drench the front of your top. Remnants of her drink are splashed on your torso and you gasp, rage flaring through your veins once more. How dare she throw her drink at you? Before you can do anything though, a pair of arms circle your waist and you’re pulled into a strong chest.

You recognize the scent of his cologne immediately and the feel of his leather jacket. “Jungkook,” You mumble, looking up at him. He immediately gives you his jacket and pushes it through your arms wordlessly.

“Hi,” He murmurs, taking in your wide, nervous eyes and the trembling of your hands. He brushes a thumb over your cheek before standing in front of you and you take his hand in yours. Jungkook squeezes reassuringly.

He offers Sora a long, hard look and a shake of his head. She almost balks at his intense gaze. Almost.

“C’mon baby,” Jungkook finally says, “Let’s get out of here.”

“My knight in shining arm-” You shiver once you’re both outside the club, away from the eyes of strangers. You cut your train of thought off when he pulls you close to him, cupping your cheeks with both hands. Worry dots his eyes and he presses his forehead to yours shakily.

“Jungkook?” You say softly, “Is everything-”

He exhales, a shudder felt against your skin. He seems to be at odds with himself, an internal battle dancing in his dark eyes. But Jungkook makes up his mind and cradles your face again, the gentle pads of his thumbs brushing over your cheeks.

“I missed you,” Jungkook croaks, “Shit, I miss you so fucking much. Can I kiss you, baby? Is it okay if I kiss you?”

You nod instantly, breathing out a soft ‘yes’. Whatever this recent development means for both of you, it makes sense. You want this and you want him.

And then he kisses you as if it was meant to be, as if he’s been thinking about your lips every minute of every day- soft, balmy lips against your chapped, red lips. Jungkook swallows your gasp, somehow brushing against the parts of your heart that missed him. His kiss is sweet and desperate as his tongue traces over your teeth before dipping further into your mouth. Your knees weaken slightly, but he holds you steady with one arm around your waist and his other hand cradling your cheek.

You’re overwhelmed by him and from the events of the night. Whatever wetness had gathered in your eyes clings to your lashes before dropping down your cheeks.

“Baby,” Jungkook says softly. He gathers you in his arms, hugging you tightly. You sink into his hold on you, inhaling deeply. The faint thrum of his heart calms you slightly.

“I missed you,” You reply, voice barely above a whisper, “Fuck, I missed you a lot.”

He kisses your forehead with a small smile, the hint of his dimples making you smile, too. Jungkook looks at you as if you’re transparent, trying to study the reason for your wet lashes and the tear stains down your face. A feeling of understanding passes between you both, calming your racing heart and your nerves.

“Jungkook,” You murmur, “Take me home.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Yours,” You reply, not really wanting to be in your home just yet, “It’s only fair, since you spent the night at my place last time, right?”

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” Jungkook chuckles. He kisses you one more time before adjusting his motorcycle helmet over your head. When you wrap your arms around him, you press a kiss to the back of his neck and behind his ear.

He shivers.

Jungkook can tell you’re in your head a little bit, a little quiet and shaky. Even as you head into his bathroom to change into the clothes he’d given you, you couldn’t quite meet his eyes. When you returned from the bathroom with a bare face, you’re lost in thought, biting down on your bottom lip and chewing harshly.

He’d pulled you into his arms, applied his clear balm on your lips, and chided you for treating your lips like that.

You only smiled weakly at him and meekly asked him to hold you under his covers. He doesn’t deny you.

He’d caught the tail end of Sora’s tirade at the club, and he’d begun to understand. He thinks you had begun to understand, too.

“Hey,” Jungkook whispers into your hair, “Do you want to talk, baby?”

“I don’t know what to say,” You admit softly, pressing your hand over his.

“I can talk for both of us,” Jungkook says, kissing your temple, “Can I do that?”

“Yeah,” You mumble, threading your fingers through his and squeezing.

“I heard some of what Sora said,” Jungkook says and you tense up but he wordlessly tells you to relax, “I think in some weird, twisted, fucked up way. She loved you and her way of showing you how was keeping you to herself. It’s shitty, but it made sense to her. But you don’t owe her anything, baby. Not a damn thing.”

“Yeah,” You sigh, “I feel really gross and I don’t know why.”

“That’s alright, baby,” Jungkook says, rubbing your arm, “You didn’t know. That’s not love, not really. You’re safe here.”

“I know,” You say, turning to look at him with a small smile, “I trust you.”

You turn fully in his arms, resting your head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. His heartbeat lulls you to sleep, as well as his gentle fingers over your back. It’s so easy with him, and you don’t need to think too much. Just how you like it.

Tags: @kookdbean @codeinebelle

MoM Tags: @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria @kaepjjangiya @drumsofheaven @ppeachyttae @tae-bebe @yiyi4657 @mygscafe @beeeetsandskzreads @maichiverse @hordanhearsawhooo @anonymous2505

[babymetaldoll]

Birthday wishes (Spencer Reid/ Reader)

Requested: Nope

Summary: Spencer overthinks Reader’s birthday present ‘cos he doesn't know if they are dating or not

Warnings: No… maybe a few sexual references but nothing too explicit. 

Category: Pure sweet, delicious fluff 

Word count: 3,2K

Part II

Masterlist

.

What makes a relationship official? Are you just "going out" o "just seeing each other" after five dates? Five incredible, unique, perfect dates? or do you have to ask: "Would you be my girlfriend?"

Spencer rolled in bed and kept asking himself questions he couldn't answer. Were he and (Y/N) a couple? So far, he hadn't asked, ‘cos he was scared, which made no sense, ‘cos he had already asked her out and they had already kissed. Besides, they had already met for five years, which meant, well, it felt like they were already a little ahead on the "getting to know each other" part.

So, after five dates, were they already dating? Were they exclusive? Could he tell her he loved her? No, probably no. Who could he ask about it? No one in the team knew what was going on between them. They didn't want to tell them. It was too soon. Besides, Spencer didn't even know if they were an actual couple.

Reid kept rolling in bed. It was already three in the morning. He was overthinking everything, and he knew it. But it was (Y/N)'s birthday, and the present he had for her was hunting him. He couldn't shake the thought he had gone a little too far with it. He wanted to give her that present ever since he saw it, months ago. He bought it and kept it hidden in his closet. He had no idea why he was hiding it if no one was ever in his house. No one but (Y/N), but she never went through his things. If so, she would have found the picture of her he also had hidden in his drawer.

It was a picture of the two of them sitting together at the round table in the BAU conference room. They were eating a cupcake, and their lips were covered in frosting. They were laughing. They were happy. It was Penelope's birthday, and they had thrown her a surprise breakfast celebration. JJ had taken that picture, and secretly, Spencer asked her for a copy.

When they were just friends, he didn't overthink that present, he just got it for her. But now everything was different. And he was scared of every movement he did around her, terrified he could frighten her away.

- "Stop!"- he commanded himself and closed his eyes. He had to sleep at least an hour, or the rings under his eyes were going to scare (Y/N) away. Not like she hadn't seen him looking like he hadn't slept before.

.

Penelope had baked a gigantic Halloween themed birthday cake, ‘cos he knew (Y/N) was a sucker for horror movies. It had pumpkins, a Jason mask, and a knife stabbing the cake. It was perfect. JJ and Emily brought presents and more food. Everyone had helped to make sure her day was special. Derek decorated her desk with balloons and confetti, got her a funny birthday paper crown, and wrote "pretty girl" with his terrible handwriting. It was adorable. She was like a little sister to him, and he just wanted to make her smile.

And Reid, well, he… he was all over the place. Hanging more balloons all over the bullpen and making sure all the food was ready. He actually got there an hour and a half earlier than everybody, just to make sure everything was set.

No one got how he could think he was fooling them about his feelings for (Y/N). To be fair, he wasn't trying at this point. He was now too concerned not to scare her away by accidentally saying "I love you" or saying they were in a relationship, ‘cos he didn't know if they were. All those things Spencer could quickly fix asking, but he was too scared to ask.

.

- "Happy birthday!!!"- Penelope yelled as soon as (Y/N) set foot outside the elevator. She was greeted by her friend's tight hug, and along came the rest of the team.

- "Thank you so much!! Thank you!"- she was moved by all the love they gave her, they were her family far from home, and they meant the world to her.

- "Hey! happy birthday"- Spencer was the last one to hug her; he waited until everybody had walked back to the conference room. She smiled and bit her lips as he moved a step closer and wrapped his arms around her.

Those arms made her feel safe and loved, and it was an addictive sensation; she didn't want to quit. She was a self-declared addict to Spencer Reid, and the latest weeks had been the best of her life. But she still felt she was walking on eggshells around Reid. She loved him so much, and she was scared, 'cos she thought she might say it too soon. Was it too soon considering they had known each other for the last five years? she had been in love with him for the last four and a half years. But yes, it was too soon.

They hadn't even had sex yet.

Sex with Reid. That was a thought that had kept her awake many nights. It kept coming to her mind, especially when he held her the way he was doing now. She could feel herself melting to his touch, and the idea of feeling his skin against hers, the idea of being naked with him. The thought of having him inside of her was too much to process. If kissing him was breathtaking, having sex with him had to be heaven.

- "So, happy birthday"- he repeated and smiled at her, still holding her tight but now staring at her blushed cheeks.

- "Thank you"- she giggled nervously and looked down

- "I hope you are hungry, ‘cos we've got a whole breakfast party ready for you"- she nodded, but neither of them moved- "Garcia really went overboard with everything she brought…"

Why would Reid hide the fact he had gotten half the things on that table? Something inside him kept forcing him to hide his true feelings for (Y/N) 'cos he was still sure she would reject him. Again, they had been into five dates, held hands, kissed, looked at each other with puppy eyes for hours over dinner. Why did he feel he needed to hide his feelings?

- "And maybe we could go out tonight…"- he whispered as they walked to the conference room- "I would love to take you out for dinner on your birthday"- (Y/N) turned to him with the brightest smile and nodded.

- “Sounds like an excellent plan”

.

- "And where's your present, pretty boy?"- Derek asked Reid frowning after (Y/N) finished opening all the presents the team had gotten her.

- "I…"- he had an awful excuse- "I left it at home, I'm sorry."

No one was ever going to believe that. He knew it

- "I was…. well, I had a lot of things to bring, and I left it on my table, but I'll bring it over later, ok?"- (Y/N) just nodded and smiled, thinking they had a date later. But the rest of the team was confused. Reid would never forget something. Never, eidetic memory, he was doomed.

- "Are you ok?"- JJ walked to him as they cleaned the table after breakfast and looked at him, worried.

- "Yeah, why?"

- "You look nervous"- Spencer even stuttered to answer

- "I, I, I'm not nervous, JJ, I don't know what you are talking about"

- "Spence, come on… tell me, what is it? What happened with (Y/N)? why didn't you bring the present you had for her?"

Reid sighed. He knew he could trust JJ. He was just… ashamed of sharing his feelings with someone.

- "I didn't forget it"- he whispered- "I want to give it to her later."

- "Later? when?"- he stayed quiet for a few seconds and then took a deep breath

- "Wehaveadatetonight"- Spencer slurred and closed his eyes, ‘cos he didn't want to look at JJ's face

- "What? Sorry, I couldn't understand that"- he sighed, frustrated

- "I said, we are goingoutonadatetonight"- it took her a second to understand it, but when she did, JJ wide opened her eyes and looked at her friend in shock- "Don't say a word"

- "But oh my god!! Spencer!"

- "Shh!! please don't say a word!"

- "Spence! It's huge! It's your first date!! When did it happen? when did you finally ask her?"

… And Spencer actually thought no one knew about his feelings.

- "It's not… our first date"- he whispered and looked at his shoes. JJ stood next to him in shock and hit his arm as her mouth fell open.

- "JJ, please, I'm just telling you ‘cos I trust you I don't want anyone else to know?"- he begged

- "How many dates so far?"

- "Six, including tonight."

- "Oh my god! are you two together??"- JJ was making her best not to yell, but she was in shock. However, she realized it was a sensitive subject for Spencer. She wanted to make her best not to make him feel uncomfortable.

- "We've been going out for a few weeks now, but…"- Spencer made a pause and sighed- "How do you know when you are in a relationship with someone?"

- "Usually, you talk about it… you haven't?"- his silence was too long, enough sign for JJ to get he hadn't had that conversation.

- "Ok, you should ask her, Spence. If you've been out on several dates already, it means she likes you the same way you like her."

- "But I love her…"- Reid looked at her friend with puppy eyes. He was honestly anxious about the whole situation and couldn't say another word.

- "She is crazy for you; you have to believe me"

- "I know she likes me, but it's nerve-wracking to feel you love someone who just likes you"

- "Believe me, Spence, she doesn't just like you"- he just sighed and nodded, not because he believed her, but because he didn't want to persuade that conversation. However, JJ wasn't going to let it go so quickly.

- "So… what did you get her?"

- "It's nothing, just something I thought she might like"- he tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal.... like he wasn't freaking out. But he was dying inside.

- "What is it?"

- "A necklace…"- JJ nodded, surprised- "And a ring"- surprise was not enough to describe her face. Shock might have been closer. Yes, JJ was in shock.

- "Are you going to…"

- "No! no, no, I'm not, I mean, it's too soon to…. I just don't want her to feel pushed, I bought her the present months ago, and I never thought we were going to be … well, whatever it is that we are now… that's why I need to know where we are now… I don't want to blow it."

Spencer bit his inner lip and pouted. He was upset, he was having a hard time explaining his feelings and his mind, and most of all, a hard time sharing what he was feeling. JJ smiled at him and simply shook her head, with an honest, proud look in her eyes.

- "I know it sounds scary, but the only way to know is asking her"- he just nodded and let out a deep breath. That wasn't the answer he was waiting for.

.

(Y/N) looked at herself in the mirror and smiled. She was glad no psycho killer had decided to start attacking innocent that night, ‘cos it meant she could actually go out on a date with Reid. Their sixth date. Usually, the sixth date meant sex for her. But she had no idea what it meant for Spencer, and she wasn't going to push him. She just couldn't shake the thought off her mind, but she had to. Thinking about sex with Reid was too much.

- "Wow"- that was all Spencer managed to say as soon as (Y/N) opened the door for him. He looked at her up and down. His eyes couldn't stop running through every inch of her skin. It was like the dress was hugging her body, wrapping her and following every curve of it. He couldn't believe someone so beautiful wanted to go out with him.

- "You look very handsome"- (Y/N) smiled and chuckled. Reid just shook his head and stared.

- "Come in, just let me get my purse and put on some shoes, and I'll be ready to go."

Spencer couldn't speak. He just nodded and watched her walking to her room. He couldn't even be subtle at that point. He couldn't and wouldn't stop staring. Not if she was going to look so hot.

The thought of having sex with his best friend was hunting his mind since they were on their third date. That was the very first time they made out on her couch. They hadn't even passed second base, but for Spencer, that had been enough to start fantasizing about how it would be, how it would felt, and… when it would be.

- "Buttercup?"- he asked and couldn't see (Y/N)'s wide smile as soon as she heard that word. She loved it when he called her cute names. It made her feel special and closer. She had always called him "honey" even before they started going out. After their second date, Spencer had finally seemed comfortable calling her that.

- "What is it, honey?"- she asked, walking out of her room, wearing her favorite shoes and carrying a tiny purse.

- "I just wanted to… give you your birthday present before we leave"- Spencer smiled at her, and she could tell he was nervous.

- "Sure… thank you, by the way."

- "I still haven't given you the present. Why are you thanking me for?"

- "‘Cos you organized the best breakfast celebration the BAU had ever seen"- she simply answered, and her smile stopped his heart for a second.

- "You deserve it"- he simply replied, standing right in front of her. He could only think about leaning in and kissing her, but he was so nervous, he just stared at her, feeling his hands sweating.

- "Are you ok?"

- "Yeah, it's just that… sorry, you look stunning, and I can't stop looking at you"- (Y/N) felt her cheeks burning red in a second. Spencer Reid had just told her she was beautiful. That wasn't something she was used to, but she would gladly live the rest of her days hearing him saying it.

Slowly, (Y/N) wrapped her arms around Spencer's neck and moved closer, not taking her eyes from his.

- "Can I ask for a birthday kiss?"- the way she whispered those words did things to Reid. Things he didn't know how to handle just yet. All he managed to do was to smile and reach her lips. It started like a sweet, loving kiss, but soon it changed. It was getting harder and harder for the two of them to hide their true feelings.

That kiss was screaming: "I love you." It was hungry and also filled with the deepest desire. It wasn't plain lust. It was the eagerness to feel the one you love as close as possible, for as long as possible.

- "Are these "birthday kisses" a limited edition, or can I keep asking for them for as long as I want?"- she murmured, rubbing her lips against his.

- "All the kisses you want, as long as you want them"- Spencer whispered and deepened the kiss as a soft moan left (Y/N)'s lips. That was music for him, the music he wanted to listen to all day long, if possible.

They had saved way too many kisses during those years. They could kiss forever, just to catch up. But there were dinner reservations and a present in between. So the kisses had to wait a little bit.

- "I got you this"- Spencer whispered and moved his lips from hers, smiling at the soft whine that came from her as soon as he did.

- "I thought about you when I saw them a few months ago ‘cos I knew you would love them, and I've been saving them for today"- he opened his satchel and handed her a small box.

- "Thank you, honey"- (Y/N) was blushing, trying not to show she was so nervous. It wasn't just because of all the kisses. It was because now she knew he had thought about her months ago, and got her a present. That was melting her.

(Y/N) was speechless when she opened the box. She looked at him. He was blushed and excited at the same time.

- "Spencer… you shouldn't have"

- "You deserve to have these; do you like them?"

- "Of course I do, you were right, I love them… would you?"- (Y/N) handed Spencer the necklace, and he clasped it around her neck. She looked at the ring and smiled, sliding it in her finger.

- "I didn't want you to feel I'm pushing you to…"

- "No, honey, it's ok. I know you didn't mean anything like that"- she was blushing as well, but loving the gesture- "It's beautiful, Spencer."

- "No, you are beautiful"- (Y/N) giggled at his words and sighed

- "No, you are beautiful"- she repeated and hugged him again.

Spencer looked at her in adoration and ran his fingers sweet and carefully down her rosy cheeks. 

- "I... wanted to ask you something"

- "What is it?"- that was it. It was now or never for Spencer.

- "Do you… want… do you want to be…"- Spencer was trying to say it without stuttering- "Would you be my girlfriend?"- her smile made him sigh relieved, as she leaned in and kissed him softly.

- "Of course I would…"- he held her closer and pecked her lips once, twice, three, four times, before cupping her face with both hands, deepening the kiss.

- "Do you want to know something funny?"- she whispered when Spencer rested his forehead on hers and looked at her in adoration

- "What?"

- "That was my birthday wish."

- "What?"

- "I wished you'd ask me to be your girlfriend."

Reid smiled and sighed. He held her hand and kissed it, speechless, thinking he had been a fool for holding that question for so long.

- "Do you want to know what I wish for right now?"- she whispered and smiled- "I'm wishing we were having dinner 'cos I'm starving."

Spencer chuckled and shook his head.

- "Come on, Buttercup, let's get you the best birthday dinner"- he walked with her to the door but stopped when he felt her pulling his arm. 

- "And do you think we could come back here after dinner?"

- "Sure, what do you have in mind? Wanna watch a movie?"- but she shook her head.

- "I wanna kiss you until I can't move my lips anymore"- she confessed- "Now that you are my boyfriend, I think I can say those kinds of things, right?

Reid was in shock, his mouth hanging open, his red cheeks burning. And his girlfriend - he loved the idea of calling her that - smiling in front of him.

- "Would you like to do that, doctor?"

 - "What if we ask for take-outs and stay on that couch all night long?"- he simply answered, finally not overthinking every word.

- "I thought you would never ask."

[yanderecandystore]

How ye are having a good day v3v, I feel like imma you a bunch of oc ideas but ummm you got any siren/shark mermen ocs with a s/o who is a deep sea diver?😳 - Cold Anon

Boo, I'm so sorry for taking this long ;-; shit has been going down at the speed of light, so I haven't been able to focus all that well.

I have written your request a couple of times, but it always felt so… Awful? Like- It didn't read as proper oneshot so I kept re doing it over and over again.

I have two posts about mermaids, yet not exactly an official character. I'm going to make this one without an official one for now as well because I can't really think straight- Sorry Cold.

Shout out to @aka-thethirstyone for giving me ideas and helping me build this up-

TW/Tags: depressed/suicidal reader // failed suicide attempt (drowning/hydrogen poisoning although not very accurate) // victim blaming mentality (coming from the reader) // angst sad boi hours with some softness in the end //

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Deep blue sea [Yandere!Shark Merman x Reader - Short Fanfiction]:

You've put yourself in this situation, and even if the consequences may seem unfair, you should know better than to whine about it, you should know about now you don't have the right to complain about something you brought to yourself.

That's what you kept telling yourself, everyday, every hour of each day, and it seems to be a prominent thought even in a moment like this.

Every time you go underwater, you can't help but feel a deep connection with the submerged world around you. So much color and wild beauty that if makes you feel like you might as well not be on Earth anymore, it makes you feel like you're on a different planet.

Like you're in a different realm with wild creatures that hold both beauty and death in them, as marine creatures can be often quite unforgiving to each other, or unwanted visitors.

The alien-like ambience you feel while diving it's probably the most comforting thing in your job, if not the only comforting thing about your whole life.

Just like an old sailor, at sea you feel at home, and at home, you don't feel the same. But in your case, you feel like nothing whenever you come back to your house, and a "home" it's a place you have never really been in, so how can you describe the feeling you get when you're diving deep underwater, as something you never understood?

Who knows, maybe it was just a feeling you got, after all, all your team thinks you're too emotional over the ocean. Some would call you an insane person to be so attached to a body of water.

Yet it doesn't matter what the truth to your case may be, because it's whenever the embrace of said body of water fills your senses it's when you truly feel alive again.

That comforting embrace, as if the immense ocean was truly hugging you and relaxing your muscles.

That comforting, deadly embrace was what felt like home to you. And despite everyone else's warnings, you felt like it was your time to be one with the ocean.

It has been a long, unfortunate ride for you. And as I said before, it's not like you were planning on going back home today.

No, you refused to keep feeling empty at your empty house, going by every single day in your empty life-

It was time for a change. It was time for something different. Some peace for once, something that you wouldn't regret.

Or well, wouldn't be capable of regretting anyway.

Your plan was almost perfect, right? I mean, you were certain your diving team wouldn't notice you suddenly going numb, or even caring enough to help you out. So it was essentially perfect, right?

Yeah, it was unfortunate yet perfect. It brought you despair to think of how perfect your plan was.

But since when was your life easy, [Y/N]? Since when did your plans went your way, you don't really remember having luck-

Even at your final moments, you aren't giving peace that you waited for.

When you dived deep without the proper preparation and your oxygen tank having barely enough to half an hour, you let your body get numb by the water pressure and the narcosis that happened as soon as you dived too deep for your fragile body to handle.

Funny how something that can bring life can also take it away, water surely is probably the most powerful element on Earth. Yet, even if it was sentient, you couldn't be able to beg for the ocean water to fully take you away from this pain, from this emptiness you feel.

The ocean it's as beautiful as it is merciless, so it shouldn't have been a surprise that it would take back your hopes away from you.

While you were unconscious and awaiting your own end, you couldn't possibly be aware of the creature picking your numb floating body.

You couldn't possibly have seen the rest of your diving group looking for you, or the predator carefully observing them, making sure they couldn't see you or him.

When you wake up, you'll feel not only confused after finding out your plan has gone wrong but also finding the immense creature laying on top of you like a pillow.

You didn't feel like fighting, or understanding what the hell was going on, you just noticed that the man on top of you clearly wasn't human and really, really heavy.

Yet you weren't completely awake, you weren't completely fine passing through that whole event, hell, you didn't even realize you weren't inside the ocean anymore, or that you are laying on a completely unfamiliar beach with a creature who is essentially a myth on top of you.

He was sleeping. Dreaming.

Growling. Someone was having a bad dream.

Or maybe a good dream? Throughout your expeditions, you have never really interacted with sharks, only looked at them from afar, so you don't know how to read their behavior.

In a moment of high due to your sudden awakening, you pet his head, getting through his white and grey hair despite the fact that he shouldn't have any hair in his body.

But again, you didn't care, you didn't care for anything, you just wanted to look at the sky and drift once again into your dreamland.

Yet this gentle yet heavy and firm hold he got you on was starting to bother you, but not because you were not enjoying it, no, it was totally the opposite.

You... Missed this. You missed this now that you remember the last time you received any form of comfort from another living being. Even if this terrifying thing could possibly eat you, you felt somehow comfortable being hugged and used as a comfort pillow to someone so big and muscular.

You felt odd, like you were worth something for once.

As if this big predator of the vast seas needed some sort of comfort, and for some reason it chose you to help with his little self-conscious problem.

It felt great knowing that even the someone that is so menacing feels scared or sad from time to time. It makes you feel… Strong, in a sense.

If he can feel vulnerable and openly show it, then I can too, right?

Sigh…. Maybe you were overthinking it, like everything else you ever did. Maybe you should just sleep and see what happens when you wake up-

If. You wake up.

And while you were thinking the worst of yourself and of your captor, the man himself was trying his best to hold the joy, the sorrow, and the pain he felt when seeing you losing your strength while diving.

It doesn't matter if he says anything, what can he say? Nothing he could possibly think about telling you, you'll be able to understand back. The language barrier was just like that. Massive, towering, unbreakable.

It would take a long time to understand one another, considering how you both spoke in different ways. Generally speaking, even your minds seem to be in different places.

You thought about things that he would never be able to comprehend, your self hatred is something he'll never agree with.

Your pain, your sorrow, it doesn't make sense to him, cause up until this day, he only saw the [Y/N] that had fun swimming with the fish and playing with them. Not the one that lives unhappy up on the surface.

How can someone that brings him so much joy can think so little of themselves, is something he'll never understand.

He doesn't know exactly what your true plans are, since in his head, you do these things by accident.

You've been trying this for a couple of times now, and he has either not understood the meaning of it or tried to hide the fact from his own worrying heart.

You did something that would have been pretty stupid especially considering that you were all alone, what if he wasn't there observing you? Would you just- Stop moving completely?

The thought of seeing the cute diver he grown attached to going away from this plan of existence is cruel if not straight up torture.

He just found the one who is bound to be with him for all his life, how else would he feel after discovering something so terrible? The only thing that anyone would feel in his place is fear, is rage, is agony-

Clearly something was going wrong up there, something that made you just-

Decide to float through the ocean forever.

But- But this is oddly the perfect solution to his own problems, now he has a reason and a way to get you to be with him forever now, right?

You seemed to have given up on the human world you live in, and he really wants to be with you so you two can easily be together now. It's an unfortunate event yet also the only opportunity that he has seen as useful to his cause.

Of course, he doesn't understand you, and you surely don't understand him yet, but that is fine because as soon as he wakes up, he'll make sure to do everything in his power to make you feel like the happiest mate of all.

He only hopes you didn't see him sleeping on top of you as a lazy thing for a husband to do, don't worry about him being a bad dad though, he'll make sure to show off everything he has in store for you.

Even if it takes a while to get you accustomed to his mannerism and your now little private island, he knows you're going to love it here with him as your company.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[minniepetals]

a gentle memory

— summary: sometimes things are just not meant to be. and sometimes they are. the boys recall all their memories spent with you on the day of your wedding.

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, poly!au, break up!au, f2l!au, wedding!au

— word count: 2.2k

— warnings: sad ending

— a/n: i’m sorry

There is something in your eyes, something about it just makes any anger, any dark thoughts and frustrations fall at an instant the second they meet them. They don't know what it is or why and how, but something about them is just enough to lessen all the pains and have them forgetting about all the sad parts of life.

It makes them soft. Makes the crease between their brows lift, makes their lips curl from the corners, and makes their hearts melt.

Your smile, brighter than any star, your fingers that often weaves through their silky hair on both good and bad days, and your soft, soft voice which always whispers gentle words to them. They shall never forget the first moments they realized they had fallen in love with their best friend.

A moment unforgettable like any other moments after that.

Soft kisses.

Laughter. Your giggles ringing in the air.

The way your cheeks will rise in color and you would try to hide your face behind your hands, only for them to take it away and let you squeal in delight because you're easily shy and embarrassed.

Sweet humming lullabies on nights when they cannot sleep. Head too caught up in their thoughts. Nightmares plaguing their minds.

Tears rolling down their eyes, chest tightening, hearts in pain. And then your soft smile when you see them, always the first to run after them, always the first to ask what's wrong even when those tears are hidden under a false image, a false smile.

You'll always catch it.

Always.

And then you'll hold them in your arms, letting them lean against you, face buried in your neck, face against your chest as you run a comforting hand down their head, whispering soft words and allowing them to cry for however long they need it.

You'll let them lay against you, their heads on your chest, ears right atop your heartbeat.

It beats steadily.

One pump.

Two pumps.

Three.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

A soft humming sound so crystal clear. And you hold them for as long as they need. Even through sleep. Even when they awake hours later. Sometimes you're still awake, greeting them with a smile and a kiss. Sometimes you've fallen asleep as well. Expression soft, breathing slow and steady.

Even through sleep you do not let go.

When the piano begins to play, everyone looks towards the door and their breaths are held back as they await for you to walk right in. The audience stands at your arrival and their hearts begin to beat hard and rapidly against their chest.

They can hear it.

How loud it's beating.

How hard it's going.

As if ready to just jump right out of their chests.

You are beautiful.

Dressed in white, the pretty gown only looking even more enchanting because of you and you alone. It hugs you just perfectly just the way they have always imagined it to be. Your hair is held up in pretty flowers. You always loved flowers. And you hold white and pink roses in your hand, the white gown and veil trailing right behind you.

You are a goddess.

More beautiful than a goddess. 

And they see it, the way you try to keep a straight face but they know you better than that. The corners of your lips tugs. One, two, three seconds in and when you meet their eyes, you can no longer hide it. When you smile, the whole room is even more mesmerized, watching in awe, the ladies all jealous of how gorgeous your beauty is, the men not being able to look away.

They chuckle knowingly.

That's their girl.

Once just a small little child who didn't know how to stand up for herself so they had to butt in, shouting at your bullies and letting you run into their arms because the other kids were being mean and had stolen your crayons.

So Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin let you borrow theirs while the older ones kept watch in case anyone else wants to mess with the cute girl in pigtails.

The friendship grew from then. They'd always protect you whenever you need it, even past middle school when you could finally get some bravery in and try to be stronger than you thought you could ever be. It's a hard process, and a long one for you, because people are scary and you don't like mean people. Still they hold you through it and watch as you grow into the woman you are now. 

College years were what made things turn into a little twist. But had it even been a twist when they saw it coming? 

Nothing changed. 

But they were finally able to kiss you and hold you for as long as they could. They could make you smile brighter and you would be reverting back to your shy stages where every little soft gesture they make at you will make you melt and you wouldn't know how to react. 

Instead hiding your face in your hands and run away squealing because they're so "cheesy."

But you like it. They know you do. 

Even if you'll pretend to cringe and say you don't like it.

First anniversary.

Second.

Third. 

And before the fourth could happen, something went wrong. 

They got used to it. To your kind and giving self and forgot that just simply relying on you to help them feel better isn't the best way to walk through a relationship. 

They forgot.

Forgot to care for you and pay attention to the little things. Forgot to say thank you, to ask if you were doing alright, to ask if you were happy. You weren't doing alright and you weren't entirely happy. But they never knew because you never showed. Once that never mattered because they used to be able to tell every little lie you'll make even before you say them aloud. So when you'd fake a smile and hide your tears whenever you felt things became too rough on you, they'd just let it go without noticing the hidden trail of tears or the redness in your eyes. 

Still you'd ask if they were alright. If they were eating well, if they were happy. 

And when they weren't, you could simply tell without them needing to say a thing. You'll run a bath, cook them food, and let them lay their heads and rest for as long as they need it.

Forgetting to care for your own self.

But they should have been the ones to remind you, right? They should've been the ones to care for you, to give you love and show that they haven't forgotten about your wellbeing. 

Hence a little fight started.

Escalating into them saying harsh words they never meant to say, burning tears in your eyes, and ripping out your heart. 

Telling you you don't care and have forgotten about them when the truth was the other way around. But anger in a strong thing that blinds one from seeing what is right and wrong. 

Even then you never blamed them.

The first to say sorry, feeling as if it is all your fault because they fueled those thoughts into you. 

It was wrong.

So wrong.

And before they realized it all, you were already gone. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't be enough," you said but that wasn't true. It was never true. You had always been enough, more than enough, but they forgot to remind you of that and only made you feel worse about yourself. They didn't realize you had been crying to yourself nights after nights when everyone went to sleep. Insomnia. Nightmares scaring you from sleeping. Yet when they came to you with their problems, you'd stay awake all night just to make sure they were alright again. 

So it was right for you to leave.

To find yourself.

A break. 

A six month leave and then that fateful encounter happened when you met Namjoon.

It wasn't great at first, not at all. The air thick with awkwardness but you were the first to break. 

"How have you been?" 

Always the one to look past the bad memories and see what's in front of you instead. But Namjoon was sure you were still hurt by the things they said. 

"Good. I've been...I've been good." 

A lie. 

So he sighed and let his guard down to tell you the truth, the honest truth. 

He wasn't good, they were never good after you left, and asked if you wanted to meet up with the others to which you agreed. 

Things weren't...the best, so you all decided to just start as friends again. After all, you were all best friends before anything happened. 

It went well.

So great. 

And they began to pay attention to the little things again.

How your eyes will always sparkle when you see something you like, or the scrunching of your nose when you'd smile or grimace. They returned to their old ways, before things went wrong, before they broke you and hurt you and tore your heart apart. Apologies were spilled but even then they decided simple words would never be enough. Not for you. You deserved so much more and they decided to give you that. 

And they did. 

They do. 

Doing all that they can just to see your pretty smile that will always make their hearts flutter. 

And now here they are, four years later, having proved their worth and willing to show more again and again until the day death tears you apart. 

Because you deserve everything.

Every single thing. 

They watch you with gentle smiles, tears welling up, not being able to believe it just yet.

You're beautiful. So, so beautiful. 

And they can't believe it.

Finally able to see you in a wedding dress with your pretty smile lighting up your face, the most excited you have ever been in your entire life besides the day of the proposal. 

They watch you as memories flood their minds of every little moment spent with you, knowing there will be more moments to see in the future. They watch as you take slow steps down the aisle. Waiting, and waiting. 

When you meet their eyes, your eyes crinkle a little more, smile widening and cheeks rising. 

You are beautiful and they are blessed to be the ones by your side. 

Even if it means you aren't theirs.

Even if it means you're walking towards another man that will make the rest of your life the happiest times. 

You pass them.

Eyes straying away. 

Their hearts fall. 

And your eyes meet the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.

A hand passed to hold his, your hearts fluttering with excitement and love, shy smiles, and you giggle as he whispers words they will never have a chance to hear. 

Their hearts fall. 

A tear escapes. 

"I love you," he tells you after his vow.

"I love you," you say after your vow. 

They can still remember it all, they remember everything today. 

He had been waiting for you, chasing after you, but also remaining patient for as long as he needed. You didn't want to jump into a relationship, too scared, too afraid, but also for another reason they wish to believe it is because you were still in love with them. 

Yet he waited.

A patient man. 

Always there for you when you cried, when you were frustrated, happy, and grumpy. He noticed the little things, picked up your fake smiles, the words you say that are false to your emotions, and waited. Waited for as long as he could, never straying away to other women who were in line for him. 

"Why?" They remember you asking. "Why does he do this? I'm not...I'm not worth all of this."

"Oh Y/N. You are worth everything in this entire universe."

And so much more. 

So when you gave him a chance, they stepped back. Let you go. Let him have a chance to make you happy. 

But would always remind the man that if he ever did anything to hurt you, they'll kill him. 

"I'm so scared," they remember you saying. "What if it doesn't work out? I'll have to hurt again, won't I?"

It was all their fault for making you feel that way, for making you worry about another failed relationship. 

So they stepped up to make sure things went well, to make sure he knew never to take advantage of your kindness and to always care for you.

Yet it seems they never really had to remind him because he never forgot.

Never.

Not like them. 

And that's when they realized that in this world, this lifetime, you are not theirs. 

You were never theirs to begin with. 

So no matter what, seeing you up there, smiling as you meet their eyes again, they return the smile so bittersweet and hide the tears in a way even you can't tell they're hoping to break down and cry. 

Because they are happy. 

Truly. 

Even if your soulmate is not them. Because in this lifetime you belong to someone else. Someone that can make you happier, grow into a better woman than you are at this moment, help you during your ups and downs, and there to remain by your side. 

Perhaps in another lifetime.

Perhaps you can be theirs then. 

[noctuaas]

AS YOU WISH; t. kuroo

synopsis; in this tale of romance, revenge, and treason, you, a beautiful commoner, are set to become the princess of aobajousai. will your one true love be able to save you in time?

pairing; kuroo tetsurou x reader

content; princess bride au (heavily based on both the movie and novel), medieval au, torture, mild violence, drama, fantasy/adventure, murder, fem!reader

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01 ; THE BRIDE

TO BE THE MOST beautiful girl in the world was a concept far past your concern. Those around you certainly saw the potential, but at 16 years old, you simply could not care less to capitalize on your natural beauty. (Beauty routines were exhausting in your eyes. You only washed your face so as not to feel filthy, taking a razor to your leg hair was far more trouble than it seemed worth, and you were quite sick of brushing your hair, so you did so as little as possible.) All you really wanted to do was ride your horse and pester the farm boy that worked for your parents.

Prince, as you had taken to calling the horse when he was just a yearling, was a loyal companion. Other girls your age grew attached to one of their herding dogs’ pups, or the kitten of a barn cat, but you had Prince. He always came when you called, steered where you told him even on a loose rein, nuzzled your face on bad days. 

For all the time you spent taunting and bossing the farm boy around—“Farm Boy, fetch me this,” and “Farm Boy, take care of that,”—he always had one thing in common with the horse: he always did as he was told.

(Perhaps you knew that he was really a young man now—he was a year or two older than you—but he had been just an orphaned boy when he first came to work for your father, so that was what you referred to him as: Farm Boy.)

“As you wish,” he always replied, without fail.

Your father was fond of the farm boy, often remarking how he should leave him an acre of land in his will for all his hard work. These conversations never lasted long though, not before your parents would turn to you and chide you for needing to go bathe again and clean yourself up after spending the day in the barn.

Despite your disdain for taking care of yourself like a “proper lady,” as your mother liked to say, your natural beauty was still enough to cause the village boys to flock to you. Those dimwits always liked to badger you with stupid questions whenever you rode into town, offering silly favors and making awkward small talk, much to dismay of the rest of the girls in the village. The boys were always so annoying, and you often noted how much more tolerable Farm Boy was as you dismissed their advances. Eventually they took to making fun of you, laughing over snide remarks about you because they must have been embarrassed about being shot down. Sometimes the insults were too much to ignore, and when that was the case, Farm Boy took matters into his own hands. You always thanked him after he sent a village boy home bloodied and crying, and he always answered, “As you wish.”

You came to realize that Farm Boy was the only boy your age whose presence you seemed to enjoy. One night, you lied awake with the dim light from a full moon crawling through your window, thinking about how he was always kind and respectful to you, how he protected you and your honor, how he seemed to smile at you differently than he ever smiled at the other girls in town. (You also let yourself admit that he was quite handsome, with his amber eyes and ebony hair that was always in a perfect bedhead state, which was something you had never bothered caring about before.)

After that, your time was no longer divided between riding your horse and pestering the farm boy; now, ‘pestering’ was to be replaced with ‘falling for’. You let him join you on rides through the woods on Prince; you began doing your morning reading in the barn to keep him company while he fed the animals; you took it upon yourself to take out any extra supper your mother cooked to him. You even decided to stop calling him ‘Farm Boy’.

“What’s your actual name, Farm Boy?” you asked out of the blue.

“Why do you ask?” he had replied, and you snorted in mild amusement.

“Well, after having known you all these years, it must be quite rude of me to still call you ‘Farm Boy’.”

He paused and grinned that endearing grin of his, “Just call me Kuroo, then.”

Everything was so blissful for the year following. You loved Kuroo, and he loved you. Even on the day the royal Count and Countess of Aobajousai had strangely paid your family a visit, you both were sure of this; because while the Countess took Kuroo’s arm gently for him to show her the dairy cows and the Count watched you intently as you followed the small procession on your horse, you and Kuroo both stared at each other.

At the end of one year though, Kuroo unexpectedly showed up at your window in the middle of the night.

“I’ve come to say goodbye.”

You shot up straight in your bed, cocking your head incredulously, “What do you mean, ‘goodbye’?”

“I mean I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? Have I done—”

“I’m taking to the sea to seek my fortune,” he cut you off. “There’s a ship that sails out of Karasuno, to the new country of Inarizaki. There’s great opportunity there, so I’m going.”

You were shell-shocked for a moment. Leaving? Sailing to Inarizaki? Where was this all coming from?

“But why? What about the farm? What about us?” You finally said. Your voice was already beginning to quiver pathetically as tears brimmed in your eyes.

“I’ve been training at night, so I hardly need sleep or food, and I’ll get two 10-hour-a-day jobs. I’m gonna save every penny, and in just a couple years I’ll have enough to buy a big farm and build a brand new house just for the two of us.”

“For the two of us?” Your brows furrowed and your voice was meek.

“Yes, (y/n). I love you. All these years I’ve stayed here because of you. I’ve taught myself foreign languages, made my body strong, everything, for you. I’ve been head over heels for you since I was a kid. Do you understand what I’m saying, or should I keep going?”

(By now, Kuroo had squeezed his broad frame through your window, somehow landing gracefully on the floor and sliding next to you on your bed so he could wipe away your tears with his thumb. It was a good thing he was athletic enough to do so quietly, because if your parents caught him in your room, all hell might break loose.)

“Never stop,” you mumbled dreamily.

“There hasn’t been a day—”

“You better not be teasing me, Kuroo, or I’ll have your hide,” you broke in this time. Kuroo loved to tease you, and it was normally all in good fun, but if that was the case now, then he was taking it way too far.

“I’d never joke about loving you,” he replied. “Remember all those years when you would tell me, ‘Farm Boy, do this, Farm Boy, do that’? What did I always say?”

“‘As you wish’.”

“Well, that’s just what you thought I was saying. I was actually saying ‘I love you’,” Kuroo smiled gently and ran his fingers through your hair.

All that time? You couldn’t even recall the first time Kuroo started saying ‘As you wish’ to all your commands, but apparently he had been in love with you. Before you had ever even noticed him, he was devoted to you. It sounded like a fairy tale.

“I love you too, Kuroo. I’ll never stop loving you, I swear,” you finally said.

“I’ll hold you to it, princess. I have to go now if I want to make it to Karasuno in time, but I’ll send for you soon. Promise.”

You nodded in understanding, but you couldn’t let him leave without one last kiss.

There had been five great kisses since the beginning of time. Though the precise rating of kisses is a bit convoluted and controversial (everyone knows that the formula for a great kiss is comprised of timing, affection, intensity, and duration, but there has never been a universal agreement on each element’s weight), there was no doubt that this kiss left every other in the dust.

The following morning, all you wanted to do was lay around and mope. It was perfectly justifiable, considering the love of your life had just left the country, and you wouldn’t see him for God knows how long. You wallowed in self pity for about an hour before realizing that Kuroo was out in the great big world now, and with as handsome as he was, he would surely have women throwing themselves at him.

What if all this moping destroys my beauty, and when he sends for me, I’ll arrive in Inarizaki, and he’ll take one look at me and send me back?

“Mother,” you ran downstairs, interrupting whatever petty argument your parents were having. “I need your advice. How can I better take care of my appearance?”

“You’ve never cared about your appearance, honey. Why are you asking this all of a sudden?”

“Well, I’m nearly 18 now. I figure it’s about time I start behaving a little more like a lady,” you lied. It was enough to appease your mother, and she grabbed your arm and began dragging you to the washroom in delight.

You quickly learned that taking such care of yourself was hard work; the saying, ‘beauty is pain,’ made an awful lot of sense now. But for Kuroo, nothing was too much. Every morning, you awoke at dawn to start the farm chores. You had to pick up all the slack left by Kuroo, so there wasn’t really any time for self-improvement until the afternoon, but once you started, you took it very seriously. Daily baths, simple exercises, and all the time it took to brush your hair out perfectly before bed.

If the whole town thought you were beautiful before, now they all knew you must be a contender for the most beautiful girl in the world. You, however, still had no care for how beautiful the rest of the world found you; as long as Kuroo found you beautiful. (In the coming years, you would learn that you were beautiful no matter what, and simplify your beauty routine to what you liked. As long as you felt clean and tidy, that was sufficient.)

Kuroo wrote you letters every few months, and you kept every one of them. Sometimes people would ask you how he was doing, which was a mistake unless they had a lot of spare time, because you could talk about him for hours. It was obvious that you were completely and utterly in love, and so the village boys eventually stopped trying, and the village girls warmed back up to you.

It made sense the way Kuroo’s death hit you the way it did.

The news reached your parents first. The Count (a new fellow named Iwaizumi, appointed by Prince Oikawa shortly after the last one’s death) was sent to your farm to deliver the news since it was Kuroo’s last known place of residence. You were returning from town on your horse when Count Iwaizumi was leaving your property.

“Miss,” he nodded politely as you crossed paths. You rode on in confusion, and the new Count watched you intently, much like the last one.

When you made it into the house, both your parents hushed up and looked at you with pity.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s The Crow’s Wing, darling. It was attacked,” your mother told you.

Kuroo’s ship was attacked? You furrowed your brows, “What?”

“Pirates. In the night,” your father explained.

You knew the trip across the sea would be dangerous, but you never thought it would happen to him. Sliding into a chair, you decided it might be best to sit down.

The room was quiet until you managed to squeak out, “So Kuroo’s been taken prisoner, then?”

A long sigh from your parents, and then, a, “No.”

“It was the Dread Pirate Nekomata.”

You blinked, willing back tears. The Dread Pirate Nekomata was the most famous pirate in all the world, and he never took prisoners. In all these years in his reign of terror, no one survived an attack from the Dread Pirate Nekomata.

You went to your room, and this time around, you allowed yourself to mope. For six days, you sulked, and cried, and mourned. Not once did you come out of your room, so your parents took to leaving food outside your door, which you only ever picked at meekly. During those six days in your room, you decided you would never love again.

[silvergalaxyx7]

Friday Night Funkin Original Story (Corrupta Nigrum) [Part 2: Crimson Metal]

Part 2: Crimson Metal

Another beautiful day shined upon the Holy Granda Church as Sarv sat within the greenhouse towards the back of the building, holding a plate of handmade cookies, some having strawberry frosting with a crudely made heart with a cross in the middle while others had gray frosting with an attempt to draw her friend Ruv, the nun trying to bring one of the pink cookies to the man’s mouth, only for Ruv to turn his head.

“Ruuuuv, just try them!” Sarv tried to bring the cookie closer to her friend’s face, only for Ruv to simply grunt in response.

“Sarv, you know how much I hate those kinds of foods,” the man stood up.

“Aww, but you haven’t even tried to eat one yet!” Sarv whined as Ruv stood up from his chair, Sarv following, “And where do you think you’re going?”

“Somewhere where I don’t have to be forced to eat disgusting sweets!” Ruv began walking away before Sarv held her cookie tighter going after the man.

“Oh no you don’t!” Sarv tried to shove one of the cookies into Ruv’s mouth, only for the man to slap it away, “H-Hey, I spent all last night making these! Pick it up right now, young man!”

“S-Sorry, but you asked for it!” Ruv explained, going down to get the cookie before realizing what was going on, looking up to see Sarv poised and ready to shove another cookie in his mouth, this one being the one representing his face, “Oh you little-”

“Come here!” Sarv exclaimed, running after the man who dodged every instance of her trying to shove the frosted dessert in his mouth.

“No, never!” Ruv widened his eyes a small bit, his eyebrows following the same pattern, a clear indication that he was either surprised or trying to smile despite not being able to do so.

“Say ahhh!” Sarv instructed, running after the man with her mouth open.

“AHHH!” Ruv screamed as the greenhouse shook with the man’s voice, the window panes that surrounded them beginning to crack as Sarv fell onto the ground, her plate breaking from the impact, a large array of her cookies littering the ground, as Sarv looked up, dizzy from the impact, but more so saddened by the remnant of all her work.

“Nooo, my cookies!” Sarv pretended to cry dramatically, Ruv rolling his eyes as he stood tall above her, “Ruv you brute, how could you?”

“Ugh, fine!” Ruv scoffed, grabbing one of the only whole cookies from the ground, this being the gray one with his face, before shoving it into his mouth before momentarily wincing at the strong flavor and swallowing it with a bit too much effort for eating such a simple food.

Sarv gasped with joy before picking up the rest of the broken cookies and bringing them to another plate she had left on one of the counters that held her tending tools for the greenhouse’s plants, waiting for her friend’s rather overdramatic attempt at trying to digest her gift to him.

“Sooo, how is it?” she gathered her broom and dustpan, sweeping the pieces of the plate into it turning to Ruv with an expectant smile.

“Sweet…..too sweet,” Ruv commented before coughing, a piece of the plate coming out of his mouth, “Oh, and this tastes horrible too by the way.”

“Ruv!” Sarv picked up the piece before placing it in the dustpan, emptying it in the trashcan nearby, “I swear, you can be such a child sometimes.”

“At least I’m not trying to force people to eat poison!” Ruv remarked.

“It’s not poison and you know it!” Sarv placed her hands on her hips as Ruv simply gave another grunt.

“It wasn’t…..completely awful,” Ruv responded as Sarv’s eyes sparkled from the compliment, hugging her friend tightly.

“Aw, you mean it?”

“Yeah, it was a lot better than your last ten tries this week,” Ruv shrugged.

“Gee, thanks very much,” Sarv said sarcastically, rolling her eyes before laughing, Ruv only capable of one or two chuckles as the duo stood underneath the sunlight beaming through the windows of their collection of fauna. 

Suddenly however, a small sobbing began coming from the door that stopped both friends from their little happy moment, Sarv slowly pulling away from her and Ruv’s embrace before walking towards the door that led to the main mass hall where nobody really arrived to nowadays, prayer being of little importance to a world that ran on melody, though Sarv believed otherwise.

“It’s that man again, isn’t it?” Ruv asked, following Sarv who peered through the crack of the door, observing an old man with a disheveled gray beard and long white hair at one of the church’s benches, kneeling down with his hands together in prayer as his eyes were closed, tears escaping from them as he continued to pray.

“Bless those who mourn, eternal God, with the…..*sniff*.....comfort of your love that I may face each new day…*sniff*...with hope and the certainty that nothing can destroy the good that has been given. May my and…*sniff*…..mine loved ones memories become joyful, their days enriched with friendship, and our lives encircled by your love, amen” the old man had said, sobs and sniffs in between his prayer as he let out a shaky breath before continuing to cry, his cane at his side.

Sarv looked on, a pained expression filling her face as she looked on, a pained guilt inside her chest that she couldn’t help everyone who was suffering in the world at the moment, the musical harmony that is shown through the flashy billboards and tv commercials only hiding the suffering that individuals like this man were feeling, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Heh, “God’s Plan” as they called it.

“Yes….” Sarv finally responded to Ruv’s question as she gave a deep sigh of her melancholy heart.

“What’s his name?” Ruv asked as Sarv looked up at the man who stared at the praying elder, Ruv having never shown any interest in the lives of those outside of herself, though the nun simply smiled sadly with that fact.

“Joseph Gerrack,” Sarv answered before her smile shifted into a frown.

“Lost loved one I’m guessing?” Ruv closed his eyes for a moment, not needing to see Sarv’s slow nod to know he was right.

“His wife, Isabelle Gerrack, recently passed away at eighty just the other day, and Joseph, having been extremely close to her, used every cent he had left in his account to give her the medical and affectionate attention she needed and deserves but…..but it turned out to not be enough I’m afraid,” Sarv’s grip on the door’s side tightening for a moment, tears escaping her eyes for a second before the nun wiped them away, “Ruv, is it selfish of us to live passed all of them when they have to go through so much suffering and death, only to go to someplace better?”

“Are you saying life isn’t worth living if you go to a better place?” Ruv brought his voice lower than they had been speaking, but his words were always louder than necessary, so the nun could hear him clearly.

“Of course not, but I feel like it makes us look like we are living our lives free of worries while everyone has to go through the pain of losing their loved ones in the process of trying to be their best selves,” Sarv looked back at Joseph who had grabbed something from the coat of his jacket, this being a rosary that he gripped in his hand before continuing his prayer.

“Or maybe we lose ourselves,” Ruv’s hardened expression made it hard to make it apparent that he too had a saddened look on his face, “But we are lucky that we are immortal.”

“How so?” Sarv looked up at the man with surprise.

“We have more time to reflect on ourselves, find longer and better ways to help those who need it…...well, at least you do,” Ruv held Sarv’s hand as she simply smiled back with some semblance of understanding in her breaths. 

“Ruv, you know I believe you can do it, after everything that you’ve done to try redemption, to try and be a far better person than you have been,” Sarv squeezed the man’s help with a determined look, “You are not your actions. Don’t let your past define who you currently are.”

“Right,” Ruv looked down at the nun’s hands.

“Ruv, if you wouldn’t mind me asking, since you don’t really talk too much about other people around you and all, have you ever seen someone lose a loved one?” Sarv asked as Ruv’s eyes widened for a moment, the man placing both hands in his pockets in contemplation.

“Dozens of times actually,” Ruv sighed, “When I did some horrible things back in Tomsk, I was leaving the country, but before I reached the city walls, I encountered a cemetery with a few of the family members who belonged to those that I…..killed.

I heard them saying a prayer in their language, praying that ‘Благословенный Бог нашей земли обетованной, чтобы наша жизнь была наполнена светом и обетованием, и чтобы единство и слава, которые ждет всех нас в будущем, сбудутся, аминь.’ (Blessed God of our promised land, so that our lives will be filled with light and promise, and that the unity and glory that awaits all of us in the future will come true, amen).

At that moment I just felt like giving up, that nothing was worth continuing if I would only cause pain and suffering to those that I came near, but I stayed around for a little longer, moving into the next town over as I stayed within the alleys of the city, the motel having my posters up too, until a babushka came outside her home and say me, taking me inside her home.

As much as I didn’t trust her, she was nice to me, and when I asked her why she didn’t just call the police, she said something to me.

‘If you hit a dog with a shoe so that he stops eating all of your vareniki, it will live all of its life afraid to eat a single type of food, but if you teach it that there are other foods to eat, things that won’t get him in trouble, then it learns his lesson, and its trust on you as not an owner but a friend grows.’

I didn’t really know what she was talking about, but spending a while with her allowed me to self reflect on who I was as a person and although it only lasted a little bit, it helped me continue going forward with something in my chest, though I don’t know if it was hope or a desperate call for salvation that led me to this city…...to you.”

“Ruv…” Sarv gave a smile, the nun beginning to tear up once more before the man gesture that Joseph was leaving, Sarv quickly realizing this as she exited the greenhouse into the mass hall, “O-Oh, Mr. Gerrack, have a good day and may your soul rest in peace knowing that things will get better!”

“I trust the lord to promise me that, dear,” Joseph smiled and waved goodbye before using his cane to exit the building, dismissing Sarv’s consistent attempts to help walk him home.

“Another day, another empty church,” Sarv sighed, crossing her arms as she began to turn around, Ruv returning back inside the greenhouse.

“Excuse me!” the nun suddenly heard a voice come from the front of the church’s doors which opened slowly, a man peeking his head inside, quickly lowering his voice, “I-I’m not interrupting a mass, am I?”

“O-Oh!” Sarv gasp, this being one of the first times anybody had come to visit the church, “Not at all, please come in!”

“Thank goodness!” the man walked in, being nearly as tall as Sarv was, having short and black curly hair, thin glasses, a cinnamon suit that seemed to somewhat resemble her own, and an overhanging black cloak, “I didn’t wish to be rude since masses are quite sacred events held in these buildings, although it only seems as if one individual was here at the moment, so I take it today isn’t an average day?”

“If only,” Sarv gave a small laugh, “Unfortunately, it seems as if this is a regular occurrence for us.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, it’s quite alright!” Sarv waves her hands, dismissing the man’s worries, “We’re quite used to it.”

“I see, well, that’s good news at least,” the man gave a warm smile, looking around the church in admiration for its ancient yet welcoming infrastructure, “So I take it you’re Sarvente?”

“You’ve seen the poster!” Sarv clapped her hands together happily, “I thought most of them were removed from the bulletin board at the center of town, so I had thought no one would arrive, though here you are.”

“Well then, I’m glad I could make your day,” the man grinned, extending his hand out, “Geovanni Gouge, at your service.”

“Sarvente-er-you already know that, don’t you?” Sarv shook the man’s head with a sheepish smile, “Oh, have you come to join the church?”

“Oh, um, hehe,” Geovanni scratched the back of his head, “Actually, I came here to look for you.”

“For me?” Sarv tiled her head, “Well, whatever for?”

“Have you ever heard of Boyfriend and Luc-er-Girlfriend?” Geovanni asked the nun who contemplated the question, her memories fluttering back to a few weeks ago before it snapped into place. 

“Oh, the ungrateful children,” Sarv said in an irritating tone, “Yes, unfortunately we’ve had the pleasure of crossing paths, why do you ask?”

“Do you remember having a rap battle with them?” Geovanni continued as Sarv began nodding slowly before stopping.

“Wait, how do you know this?” Sarv questioned, unaware that she and the children had had an audience during that evening.

“Oh, yes, this is always the hardest part to explain,” the man scratched the back of his head with a nervous smile, “Well, to best describe it, I was simply observing the events surrounding Boyfriend and Girlfriend’s “adventures” and “encounters” with those opposing their average life, though the direct orders of Daddy Dearest.”

“Daddy Dearest?” Sarv repeated the name, contemplating it for a moment before a glare formed on her face as she clenched her gloves hands together in anger, “That demon!”

“Yes, well, through my own person peering spell that allows me to view events through the time and space of this reality, only tying it to the movements and overall body of Boyfriend himself, allowed me to follow him and Girlfriend throughout various dimensions and reality,” Geovanni continued to explain. 

“Alright, as impressive as your “magical techniques” sound, is there a point to any of this?” Sarv crossed her arms.

“Very straightforward, aren’t you?” Geovanni gave a nervous laugh, “Well, in any case, I…...require your demonic assistance.”

Sarv’s eyes widened for a moment before giving a rather pompous and joyful laugh that echoed the main church chamber, light momentarily shining through the ceramic stained glass from above the main doorway that led outside the building, an image depicting a cross with a halo on top, bringing golden light in that for a moment almost seemed to act like spotlights for both the nun and the man, Sarv covered in a golden yellow as the man was washed over with a peachy white.

“Is that a yes?” the man asked.

“Oh dear, you must have seen a few demons within your home to assume something that ridiculous,” Sarv let out another laugh, this one a bit more playful in nature. 

“I’m being serious…” Geovanni responded with confusion.

“Oh, I bet you are!” Sarv giggled, extending her hand out in a warm happiness, “Come now, let this nun show you the joys of belief and clear your mind of these silly accusations.”

“Wait, but I-” Geovanni protested before being thrown a microphone that had pulled out of what seemed to be thin air, as Sarv flipped the switch on hers, a small DVD player towards the back of the church, on a small table near the altar, playing a rather cheerful melody that, with the building’s emptiness, easily echoed along its walls as if a speaker system had been placed there.

It looked like there was no changing this lady’s mind.

And so, the first battle begins.

[This battle is fairly straightforward since it uses the same songs as the first Mid-Fight Masses one, “Parish”, with the same movements for Sarv and Geovanni with the only difference being the background and setting that the two are in which is similar to the original character’s church, only now we are located in the center mass hall, rows of such a building’s benches being seen in the background of both characters, a red carpet being laid down beneath them as a yellow and dim glow lights up said background, two amber spotlights shining down on both characters.]

“Argh, not again!” Sarv scowled for a moment, gripping her microphone with an extreme force, the nun���s eyes momentarily flashing a magenta hue before she simply gave a deep breath, her grip loosening, as she returned her cheerful expression and smile, “Shall we try this again?”

“Lady Sarvente, I really do not have time for this!” Geovanni protested, but the nun wasn’t paying attention.

“And I do not have time for your accusations, so I will ask you again, will you join the church?” Sarv’s left eye twitched suddenly, the nun’s patience beginning to run thin far faster than how it last occurred with the children. 

“I cannot do such a thing I’m afraid,” Geovanni looked down, a surprising amount of guilt in the sorcerer’s expression. 

Sarv too was surprised by the sudden addition of sadness in the man’s eyes, but he was just as rude as that boy and his beloved, right?

Yes, just another accusation after another, though his reasoning for knowing her secret was rather solid.

No, she couldn’t simply give up like this.

“Then so be it,” Sarv pressed on the lower button on her mic, switching over to her next song.

With both sides a bit frazzled, the second battle commences.

[Same situation as before, only this time the song “Worship” from the mod is the music for this battle, Sarv’s movements still the same, although Geovanni’s movements are different, being from the third round in part 1 of the story, “Dark Resistance”, where he, like Sarv, is worn out from the first battle and a bit more hesitant to truly beat her and cause more trouble in his mission, but the nun wasn’t holding back, so neither could he.]

“OH COME ON!” Sarv’s voice echoed through the sacred chamber’s walls before the nun simply glared at Geovanni, grabbing something from her pocket before taking out a phone, making sure not to break eye contact with the man while she did so, “Don’t go anywhere.”

“I can’t do that anyway, since I’ve come for your assistance,” Geovanni tried to explain before being interrupted by the phone call the nun was in, speaking to a man that the sorcerer was quite familiar with due to all the posters he had seen gathered around the streets.

“Sarv….” a deep russian accented voice echoed through the building without the need to even shout, a man wearing a grayish white jacket to accompany a face that the sorcerer had only ever seen in cookie wrappers at the local supermarket, wearing a black eyepatch with markings over his left eye, large and heavy boots, and a ushanka, “You do realize that we are in the same building, right?”

“O-Oh, right….” the nun gave a nervous laugh, “I suppose it’s a force of habit.”

“Is there a problem here?” the man that Geovanni knew as Ruvyzvat without a clear indication as to his or the nun’s last names had asked the sorcerer.

“No, I am simply trying to recruit Lady Sarvente’s assistance through her impeccable and beneficial use of demonic magic in order to stop a massive threat that is a danger to our reality as we know it!” Geovanni tried to reason with the man, Sarv’s eyes softening for a moment.

“T-Threat….?” she said softly, though only Ruv could hear her.

“How did you know about her secret demonic shifting abilities?” Ruv asked as Sarv was immediately snapped out of her concern, her expression shifting to anger.

“RUV!” she scolded the man who slowly recorrected himself.

“U-Um, I mean, how could you accuse a nun of being a demonic ruler…?” he gave a neutral thumbs up towards Sarv who simply face palmed.

“Yes, that you a lot,” Sarv said bitterly, “Would you just deal with him please?”

“Right…” Ruv gave a quick nod as the nun threw him a microphone, the man flipping it off before looking back at Sarv for a moment, gesturing around the room, “Um, don’t you want to…..you know?”

“Argh, I completely forgot!” Sarv folded her hands together, her patience at needle length, before the nun once again took a deep breath, mumbling a few prayers under her breath, “You know what, I’ll fix it, but still, do try to be careful.”

[Ruv nods as Zavodilla starts playing.]

“As you wish,” Ruv readied his voice, one which everyone at that moment knew could destroy the pillars in this place, the man taking a short breath before-

“ENOUGH!” Geovanni shouted, startling Sarv as Ruv simply stood still, the sorcerer’s pupils depicting magical circles as at the ends of his hand’s fingertips slowly spun two fairly large circles of similar complexity of ancient images, the sorcerer expression tired and pained, “I have come here to simply ask for aid to stop a celestial and primordial deity from consuming our reality as we know it, and I’ve witnessed your abilities, inside and outside your interactions with Boyfriend and Girlfriend, but neither of you seem to really care about my message, do you?”

Sarv’s cautious position and expression once again softened, the nun reaching out towards the sorcerer whose head was dropped down, his own mic dropping with it as feedback pierced the church, neither Ruv or Geovanni seeming to pay any mind as Sarv winced slightly.

“You know what? I think it’s better I leave,” Geovanni took a deep breath before passing his hands through his hair and straightening his tie, a necklace of sorts glinting in the golden light as the sorcerer turned around, walking towards the main doors of the church.

Sarv and Ruv looked at each other for a moment before the nun took a few steps forward, steps which turned to walking, and walking which turned into a light jog that made it easier to reach the man.

“W-Wait!” Sarv called out as Geovanni stopped, just a foot away from the door.

“Hmm?” the sorcerer turned around slowly, irritation still present in his face, though it was apparent that the desperation for hope was also within the depths of his eyes.

“Wait…” Sarv rubbed her arm, stopping a few feet away from the man, “Please, don’t go…….we’re…..I’m sorry for chasing you away from this sacred place.

I do not completely understand your comprehension of what I am, just as much as I myself lack the understanding of what you are, but my mission, compared to whatever may be your own, is of equal importance to me, this being the insurance that all beings in this mortal and peaceful realm of melody are accepting into the heavenly gates of the father above, so in my own regards it is hypocritical and pathetic of me to try and hide away from those who require assistance.

That being said however, I require your understanding of my own situation, one in which I cannot simply reveal my demonic form to a mortal, especially one who I have never met and who has the capabilities to do harm with this secret, so how can I be sure that you are not deceiving me, or worse, a demon yourself?”

Geovanni completely turned around, this newfound respect and understanding being responded to with a slight nod from the sorcerer who recreated the peering spell that he had tried to use on Girlfriend early that evening, the floral symbol floating in front of him before revealing his aura and essence to the nun whose eyes widened.

“I do not know if you understand what this spell is, but sorcerers and magic users who protect the peace of this world have blue souls, a trait known to those who are within the good alignment of this world,” the sorcerer gave a weak smile before dissipating the spell, “I couldn’t physically use the spell on you when I had first seen you or Ruvyzvat, but I’ve seen what you’ve done throughout all these years, and you’re actually one of my favorite portals to view every day, so I come to ask for your assistance since I truly believe that you care for all life and that your abilities, while somewhat chaotic if your mental and emotional state are unbalanced, can be used for good, like the one who denied your entrance into heaven.”

Sarv stood motionless for a moment, contemplating the sorcerer’s request before taking a deep breath and nodding to herself.

“To what extent do you need my assistance?” she asked the sorcerer who widened his eyes as if he did not expect the nun to agree this quickly. 

“Do you know of the Corrupta Nigrum?” Geovanni asked as Sarv thought of the name before the nun’s eyes widened as she looked over at Ruv.

“Ruv, be a dear and close the church for now, then meet us in the library,” she instructed as Ruv gave a hesitant nod, the nun turning back to Geovanni, “Follow me.”

With those words, Sarv grabbed the sorcerer’s arm before dragging him to the right of the altar in which a door was placed, walking through it with the nun before finding himself between two doors, one on the left and the other right, before Sarv opened the left door, gesturing that Geovanni follow her down a stairwell as they walked down, luminescent lights hanging overhead as they walked deeper and deeper down into what he postulated was the library Sarv had mentioned, until the nun and he stood in front of an ordain and biblically carved door depicting the true forms of angels such as seraphims, thrones, watchers, and images of crosses. 

Sarv turned the knob before opening the door, a warm light hitting the sorcerer’s face as the nun gestured he enter the room, Geovanni doing so before finding himself in a place that reminded him of his study room, only a bit smaller, the factor that made of for such a feature being the thick books that dotted the shelves, dust covering almost every surface, and a single one foot by two foot book that lay flatly opened on a lectern with a chair in front of the piece of furniture.

“Incredible….” Geovanni commented with awe, looking around the room before hearing a loud slam of the door behind him, whirling around to find Ruv closing the door as the man leaned on it, crossing his arms in expectations as Sarv walked up to the large text towards the end of the room, blowing on it as a cloud of dust gave way, making the trio begin to cough.

“Apologies, it is a bit dusty, though that is merely due to the fact that I have not used this title in such a long time,” Sarv coughed a bit more before flipping through the pages, “Though the Corrupta Nigrum is a name I have only heard of through the first mentions of the story of creation itself.”

“So you know about it?” Geovanni walked up to the nun, looking at the book with confusion as it was written in a language unbeknownst to the sorcerer before he snapped his fingers, magical circles appearing in place of his pupils as he stared at the book, focusing on some form of a translation spell, only for nothing to occur, “How strange…”

“It is an eldritch and ancient language that only those closest to God can understand unfortunately,” Sarv placed her gloved finger along one line in the text, “Though demonic entities are capable of understanding it for a reason unknown to myself.”

“You once again amaze me Lady Sarvente,” Geovanni gave a friendly smile as Sarv simply waved away the name.

“Please, Sarvente will do fine enough,” Sarv gave a small laugh, her expression then slowly shifting into seriousness as the nun returned her attention to the text, “In any case, I take it you know of the story itself?”

“It is more so an event, but I believe I have,” Geovanni nodded before clearing his throat, “From what I remember, it goes as follows:

‘ In the beginning of creation, God had made it is own purpose to form the world as we now know it today, a world where his children could interact through the use of melody and music in a way that problems could easily be solved through a friendly match of musical beats that were implanted in every single human being, be it through instrumental or vocal larynxes within every single living organism that exists in the planet as we know today.

Unfortunately, with harmony comes disharmony.

Those that went against the holy order, demons and the Blacyx, creatures that inhabit capabilities that exceed those of the laws of magic and arcanic elements of the world to torture or decieve the reality and world around ourselves, alike, made itr their sole purpose to go against the order set across by God and deceive the world into sin, not through any personal and means of betrayal, but more so an invitable result of the creation of a universe.

Harmony vs. disharmony, order vs. chaos, the world was placed into an unbalance that would threaten to annihilate everything. 

Fortunately, God the Allfather had decided to compact the evils of the world into one set entity, an entity that would center around destruction and chaos as humanity knew it, and he called this entity Corrupta Nigrum.

It is said that God had then sealed away the entity within a black void of nothingness, between the cracks of space and time itself, and that the peaceful melody that would consume the world will keep it at bay for all of eternity unless a certain event takes place.

The daughter of two demons, imbued by the power of hatred and melody combined into one paradoxical entity of disharmony and utter chaos, which then was called the Filia Obumbratio, if such an event ever should occur, wouldbirth a gateway from the void of nothingness in which the Corrupta Nigrum is stored and release it into the world which shall consume all of destruction.

Until that day arrives, the melody of the world shall keep it locked away in the chains of music, peace, etc…”

Sarv gave a nod of approval at the sorcerer’s memorization, Ruv simply tilting his head in confusion. 

“So basically, it’s a huge monster that wants to eat the world?” Ruv gestured his hands to represent an explosion, “Like boom and we’re dead?”

“An oversimplification, but yes,” Geovanni gave a single nod as Ruv simply grunted, wishing to hear the answer from Sarv rather than this stranger.

“Unfortunately, over time various dimensions began to form within our universe and portals between them and us began ripping the fabric of space and time a bit too thin, allowing the Corrupta Nigrum to peer into our world and spread his influence among a fairly large amount of people throughout the lands of this planet and some other dimensions as told by the rest of the scripture,” Sarv continued with the next few pages, “We have been unfortunate enough to receive a coincidence in which Filia Obumbratio is within our presence, haven’t we?”

“I am afraid so,” Geovanni nodded sadly, “Though with your connection with God, we could very well fix-”

“Pardon me, connection?” Sarv repeated the word, “I presumed you needed my assistance, but to simply speak with the Allfather is something I cannot do, apologies.”

“Ah, I see….” Geovanni took a deep breath before nodding to himself, “Well, luckily I expected this to occur, so I planned ahead of time, though what I require of you will unfortunately place your actions into question with your ability to ever enter heaven again.”

“I see…...well, I really don’t-”

“She won’t do it,” Ruv stepped into the conversation, interrupting Sarv in her words.

“I’m sorry….?” Geovanni narrowed his eyes in irritation.

“You heard me,” Ruv took a step forward as Sarv grabbed his arm to stop the man from continuing.

“Ruv, it’s alright, I just-”

“No, she won’t let all these years of hard work go to waste!” Ruv interjected the nun’s words again, the man’s voice loud enough that a few books fell from their shelves, their thickness causing clouds of dust to float around the room, making Sarv and Geovanni cough as Ruv stood unfazed, “She’s tried so hard to do good in the world, and I won’t let her waste it on some second hand plan.”

“Ruv….” Sarv sighed.

“Ruvyzvat, I have monitored your atrocities throughout the world,” Geovanni now took his step forward, snapping his fingers as a magic circle appeared, a journal of sorts coming from it as pieces of newspapers fell onto the ground, “Moscow, Russia, twelve families killed, five of which contained six family members while the other six had between two and three.

In Vladivostok of the same country, thirty adult males and five women were brutally beaten and the ten survivors, eight being men and two being women, had suffered blunt force trauma toward their cranium.

For some unknown reason, in Bern, Switzerland, seven adult males, two women, a canine strangely enough, and an unnamed authority figure of the country’s Swiss intelligence community of the Federal Intelligence Service were killed through what those of the vicinity of the “accident” amounted to around 300 decibels, their bodies suffering extreme pressure with external bleeding as those near the area nearly suffered noise-induced hearing loss. 

Shall I continue?”

Ruv stopped talking, the man’s eyes widening for a moment before he took a step backwards. 

“Mr. Gouge….” Sarv warned, the nun’s eyes once again flashing their magenta hue.

“You may try and hurt me to Mister Ruvyzvat,” Geovanni flickered the necklace hanging around his neck, the piece of jewelry connected by a metallic eye at the center which momentarily flashed a golden light, the action causing hundreds of small spinning magical circles to surround the man’s body, almost like a protective shield, “Though I have hold of all your secrets, and I will not hesitate to bring justice to all those you have harmed, deserving or not, before your attempt at redemption is placed underway.” 

“That is enough!” Sarv interrupted the argument. Standing between the two, “Mr. Gouge, if you wish for my assistance, you will respect both myself and Ruv, is that clear?”

“.....crystal,” Geovanni tucked his necklace back into his vest’s collar, “So, may I continue?”

“Please,” Sarv affirmed.

“Very well, my plan is to simply have you remain here in your church as a central point of communication between you and I wherein I will give you my number and we shall communicate with one another from across wherever locations I will be located within,” Geovanni twirled his hand around before revealing a small piece of paper that indeed had his number on it, almost like a slight of hand trick one would see at a party, “I have been forming a spell that can theoretically find organisms of an individual’s essence and very soul, forming a connection between yourself and any potential demonic entities.

If you are able to cast correctly, it will allow me to use my peering spell and find those around the world who hold a trace of the Corrupta Nigrum from ancient or recent times and contain them within a pocket dimension of sorts and…….we will unfortunately have to place Girlfriend into its walls as well, though in a comatose state so that she cannot tap into her seeded hatred and release the entity.”

“You are planning on imprisoning a young girl for something she isn't aware is within her body?” Sarv gasped, “That is beyond unholy of you Mr. Gouge!”

“Yes, well, I believe you should be questioning why God hasn’t gotten rid of, or at least tried to prevent, Girlfriend from being born or had at least sealed off this entity so that it couldn’t break the foils of its imprisonment, and now we have to save our reality ourselves,” Geovanni retorted before looking at the duo, “We have to do this…...together.”

 “I….I will try and see if I can perfect and find a capability to complete the spell,” Sarv said after a few moments of acquiescence, “Though I beg you to find a less vulgar, less inhumane way of doing this.”

“I will….” the sorcerer nodded sincerely.

“How did you find this “pocket reality” in the first place?” Ruv asked.

“Actually, this pocket dimension is one of our first individuals we have to find, one that I feel also contains the Corrupta Nigrum within her body, though I do not know her location as of yet,” Geovanni explained, “I will return to my home and find any other scrolls that could strengthen this spell for international locations. Can I count on you both to assist me?”

“I assist Sarv, not you…” Ruv commented bitterly as Geovanni handed the journal to the nun who smiled at Ruv’s comment.

“Very well, thank you once again,” the sorcerer gave a fairly diffident smile before walking towards the door and stopping, looking back at the two who had gotten started in reading the book, “Oh, and Sarv?”

“Yes?” the nun looked back at the sorcerer.

“After this is all said and done, I would love to join your church,” Geovanni said with a grin before walking back up the staircase. 

Sarv smiled with glee.

A new member to the church.

A new potential friend.

And a new threat.

Mid-Fight Masses is a Friday Night Funkin' Game Mod by Dokki.doodlez and all respective characters associated with it are also owned by said creator. 

Friday Night Funkin' is an open-source donationware rhythm game developed by Cameron "ninjamuffin99" Taylor, David "PhantomArcade" Brown, Isaac "kawaisprite" Garcia, and evilsk8r.

- End Of Part 2 - 

[eddieeatsass]

7 and 21 for reddie😎 only if you want to❤️

Sex Magic/Sex Pollen + Blind Date from this prompt list

This combo was so interesting, it really made me wrack my brain to figure out how to meld these two concepts together. My friend Jack actually helped me come up with this idea, so thank you for making us both push the limits of our imagination!

Read On AO3

The System had been in place for nearly a decade; the population’s first ever completely computerized dating process. A computer took in all of your data, scanning your life history, your future goals, your medical status, as well as having each client fill out a ten page questionnaire. All of that information was then used to narrow down everyone in their database, giving you your most compatible mate.

There were two experiences you could choose from; The Classic, which involved a regular blind date, and The Neo, which ended with the release of their patented pheromone gas. Clients who chose the later would get to experience the sensuality and intimacy that usually resulted at the end of a successful date. Clients were able to opt out at any time during the date, if they decide they do not want to go through with the final step. Despite that, however, the public still argued about the morality of the consent issues that could arise from this practice.

Because of this outrage over the program, The Neo got used less and less over time. What was once new and exciting had now taken a back seat to The Classic.

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak were two of The Neo’s first clients in months. Of course, the company couldn’t tell them that they’d only been paired together because they were the only two participants available, so instead, Richie and Eddie went into a blind date expecting to find their computer generated soul-mate.

It was a bright, sunny Friday afternoon when Eddie approached the dating center. He was welcomed warmly, and after reading through and signing all of the consent forms and legal documents, he was lead to a room. The building he’d arrived at was nice, the lobby had been decorated in a way that reminded its clients of why they were there; to find love. However, the room Eddie found himself in was starkly opposite.

It felt like he’d walked into a hospital. Everything was white, and the air smelt of disinfectant poorly concealed with the artificial smell of roses. In the middle of the room was a small square table, already set up with a table cloth, a candle, and two plates of pasta that couldn’t possibly be fresh. To the side there was a bed, barely big enough to fit two people but obvious in its purpose. Eddie was just considering bailing on this whole thing when he heard the door open behind him.

He turned to see a tall man stumbling in, eyes darting around the room before settling on Eddie. He was accompanied by the same worker who had brought Eddie in moments ago, but she quickly left with a curt nod, shutting the door behind them.

The two men stared at each other for one very long, very awkward moment, before the taller man took the lead.

“Hi, I’m Richie, you’re soul-mate, apparently.” Richie stuck his hand out towards Eddie, a charming but shy smile revealing a set of slightly buck teeth.

Eddie grasped his hand, shaking it timidly before deciding Richie was decently attractive. Definitely the type of guy Eddie would try and pick up at a bar. He was pleased with the introduction so far.

“I’m Eddie-” His voice was abruptly cut off by the crackle of a speaker.

“You’ve got thirty minutes before the gas will be emitted. If at any point before that you wish to end the date, you may discreetly press the button beneath the table, at which point one of our staff will be in to get you. Thank you for choosing The System as your dating course of choice. Good luck at your happily ever after.”

The voice was monotone, the disclaimer obviously rehearsed and recycled for every new date they supervised.

Eddie was quick to stifle his giggle, finding the contrast between the person’s lack of enthusiasm and the idea of finding your one true soul-mate hilarious, but unsure of how Richie would take it.

Surprisingly, Richie laughed unabashedly.

“Wow, with an introduction like that, how could we not be excited.”

Eddie let his giggle bubble up, soothed by the knowledge that Richie thought this experiment was turning out just as ridiculous as he did.

“Do you wanna see how terrible the food tastes?” Eddie asked.

“Eddie, my dear, nothing would make me happier.”

The food was awful, but that much shouldn’t be a surprise. This was a dating service, after-all, not a restaurant. The meals were probably made in giant batches, left to sit out all day and only being stirred or re-heated when necessary.

They poked at their pasta more than ate it, focusing instead on the conversation that seemed to flow freely between them. So far, Eddie had found out that Richie had recently moved to the city, was an only child but had a friend named Stan who he considered a brother, was trying to become an actor, and had a pet turtle.

“So, Eddie spaghetti,” Richie said, pointing towards the neglected spaghetti with his fork and a self-satisfied smile. “What led you to sign up for this romantic excursion?”

There it was, the question Eddie had been dreading. He knew it was going to come up, but hadn’t quite figured out a way to explain without coming across as lonely and desperate.

The truth was Eddie had gotten to a turning-point in his life very recently, where he’d had to choose between his own happiness and the happiness of others. After years of letting his mother dictate his life, choosing his school, his career, his partner, his sexuality, he’d had enough. But how could he sum that all up without Richie thinking he was a loser?

“Uhm, I came out recently…” Eddie chose that route; not quite a lie, but not the whole truth.

“Hey, congratulations!” Richie cheered, clinking his glass of water with Eddie’s before taking a sip. The action caused Eddie to startle, unfamiliar with someone congratulating him on, well, anything.

“So, you thought this might be the best way to find that special man?” Richie winked, gesturing at himself comically.

Eddie nodded, a small smile secured across his features.

“What about you?” He asked, eager to turn the attention away from himself.

Richie raised his eyebrows, as if he hadn’t been expecting the question to be turned around on him.

“Oh, uh, well my friends signed me up for this actually.” Richie rubbed the back of his neck. “But, well I guess it’s because I’ve been moping around for the past few months. Bad breakup and all that, you know. They must have decided it was time to get me back out there, and thus, here I am.” Richie gestured to the room around them, bringing their attention back to the bed that sat tauntingly in the corner.

“Apparently sex is part of getting me back out there.” Richie added, trying to make a joke out of an awkward moment.

Eddie smiled a little sadly.

“Well, if this was your friends’ idea, you certainly don’t have to, you know, act on anything. There’s no pressure.”

Richie’s featured contorted, almost as if he was offended Eddie would even suggest Richie might not want to see this through with him.

“Thanks for the out, but I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take it.”

Eddie’s cheeks tinted pink, a bashful smile causing him to tilt his head down.

“You’ve got a cute smile.” Richie murmured, almost too quiet for Eddie to pick up, before he was suddenly changing the subject.

The half hour they had to talk went by quickly, but they still found the time to discuss their entry questions for the program. They found out that they’d answered almost everything entirely the opposite from one another, leading them to question just how the algorithm worked.

“I still can’t believe you’d prefer a night at an arcade over a horse-back riding lesson for a first date.” Eddie teased, rounding back to the first question they’d been asked on their entry questionnaire.

“Hey, I stick by my guns; horses are terrifying creatures and I wish never to meet one.” Richie joked.

“I’ll have to introduce you to my friend Mike. He owns a farm and they’ve got the most gentle horses you’ve ever met. They wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

The insinuation of meeting up again after this program didn’t go unnoticed. Richie’s grin widened before Eddie realized what he’d said, slumping a bit lower in his chair and bringing the water glass to his lips.

“You know, if you want.” Eddie added, hiding his own smile behind a gulp of water.

“Already introducing each other to the friends, huh? Why Eddie, I didn’t know we were that serious.” Richie drawled in a dreadful impression of a southern belle.

Eddie’s face was flushed, his heartbeat preparing to send him to the hospital, when the overhead speakers came to life once more.

“We are now commencing part two. Please get comfortable as the gas begins to take its effects. Under the bed you will find anything you might need to make this experience more enjoyable.”

The two looked at each other with mixed expressions, the tone in the room suddenly thick with anticipation. The faint hissing of gas filtering in could be heard, but after looking around they couldn’t find its source.

Richie was the first one to move, pushing himself away from the table and heading towards the bed. He crouched down, reaching under the low bed frame and blindly feeling around until his hand met a box.

Once it was pulled out in full view, Richie and Eddie’s eyes both widened. The box was filled with an assortment of condoms, different types of lube, and even a few sex toys that were still in the package, marked with bright price stickers that implied if they used them, they were purchasing them to be taken home after.

“Wow, this is really happening.” Eddie said from where he still sat stock-still in his chair.

“Only if you want it to.” Richie said firmly, turning to give Eddie a genuine look.

“I don’t think that’s quite how it works. Soon our hormones are gonna take control and we won’t be able to help ourselves.”

“Hey,” Richie got up from his perch and walked over to Eddie, kneeling down in front of him and locking on to his gaze. “I will not do anything you don’t want me to. I don’t care what kind of crazy sex magic this is, I can and will hold myself back, if you tell me to.”

The tightness in Eddie’s chest began to loosen at Richie’s assurance, or maybe it was loosening because of the gas. Either way, Eddie found himself feeling more at ease, more confident, brazen.

He rose from his seat and passed by Richie, beginning to strip his shirt off as he walked towards the bed.

Richie was frozen in place, heart beating quickly at the mere sight of Eddie’s back. He was all tan skin and freckles and toned muscles; Richie found himself wanting to trace every curve with his tongue.

When Eddie’s hands began undoing his pants, Richie shot up and strode over within seconds, stilling Eddie’s hands with his own.

“Leave some for me, w-will ya?” He tried to joke, dry throat causing him to stumble over his words.

They couldn’t tell if the heat in the room was rising, or if it was the heat in their bodies. What had felt comfortable moments ago suddenly felt stifling. Getting rid of each other’s clothes became both lust-fueled and an attempt at regulating their temperatures.

Eddie began finding himself noticing things about Richie he hadn’t before. His hair was not an even shade of black, but rather a meld of dark browns and raven tones. It curled up in ways that made you want to run your fingers through it, and it looked so soft it was tantalizing.

Richie was noticing similar details about Eddie, like the swoop of his tiny nose and the smattering of freckles that didn’t just dust his cheeks, but scattered across his forehead and down his jaw. Richie followed the freckles down Eddie’s body, eyes glazing over as he took in the delicious planes of bare skin. When his gaze finally settled on Eddie’s cock, pink and perky, he dropped to his knees automatically.

Clients had to be free of STIs to pass through, so Richie didn’t think twice before taking Eddie into his mouth. The warmth of him on his tongue matched the warmth Richie felt all over, and the weight of the cock grounded him. He found it easy to focus on that and nothing else.

Eddie let out an unrestrained moan, letting his head tilt back as his fingers wound into that tempting hair. It was just as soft as he’d imagined, and he found himself gathering as much of it as he could in his fists.

As wonderful as it was to look down and see Richie’s mouth formed around his cock, eyes shut as he sucked with fervor unlike any Eddie had ever seen (or felt), Eddie needed more. His body tingled all over, his hole throbbed for attention, and all he wanted was for Richie to stuff him so full he wouldn’t be able to walk out of this place without assistance.

“Are you okay with topping?” Eddie struggled through his syrupy thoughts, trying to form a coherent sentence.

Richie hummed questioningly around Eddie’s cock, sending a shock of vibration up his shaft that had him cursing silently.

“Richie, are you okay with topping?” Eddie tried again, this time gritting the question through his teeth as his fingers tightened in Richie’s hair.

He got the same response, and irritation mixing with arousal caused Eddie to yank on Richie’s hair, pulling his head back and leaving him slack jawed and staring up at Eddie.

“Are you going to fuck me?” Eddie asked, all composure gone from his tone, replaced instead with desperation.

Richie smirked, raising on shaky legs and pulling Eddie close. Eddie’s hands were still tangled in his locks, causing his arms to rest on Richie’s shoulders.

“Oh Eds… I’m going to fuck you so hard you’ll be wrecked for anyone else.”

Richie leaned in, capturing Eddie’s lips in the first of their kisses. It was messy, driven by passion and an intensity that nearly knocked them off their feet.

Richie began steering Eddie backwards towards the bed, keeping their mouths connected with melding tongues and swallowed moans.

When Eddie felt the mattress hit the back of his legs, he turned around and crawled across the bed on all fours, lowering his chest until it touched the bed so his ass was in the air. He reached back with both hands, spreading his cheeks and presenting his hole to Richie. It was such an unexpected lewd pose that it nearly had Richie choking on air. Eddie looked like a cat in heat, bearing himself completely to be at the mercy of Richie.

“You better make good on your promise.” Eddie challenged, his voice a bit breathless.

Richie grabbed a bottle of lube from the box provided and hastily joined Eddie on the bed, his excitement causing him to stumble momentarily.

Richie’s chest was tightening, a slow spring getting ready to launch him into the abyss of infatuation. He was already completely taken with Eddie, but now, with the addition of the pheromones, he felt completely consumed by his obsession over this boy.

Richie was quick to squeeze some lube out onto his fingers, surprised when the smell of cherries drifted up to his nose. He looked at the label on the bottle, seeing it was indeed marketed as cherry flavored, and made a mental note to test it later when he wasn’t so hyper-focused on getting as deep inside Eddie’s guts as possible.

Richie brought a single digit to Eddie’s hole, admiring for a moment how pink and pretty it was; like a small flower waiting to bloom. He teased around the ring of muscle, enjoying the way the skin twitched in response, before he experimentally began pushing in.

Richie was surprised as Eddie’s hole essentially sucked him in, pulling him through the warm channel until he was up to his knuckle.

“I… may have stretched before coming here…” Eddie admitted, wiggling back into Richie shamelessly.

Richie’s brain was spinning, partially from the gas but mostly from the sight in front of him. Eddie was taking him so well, so eager to be stretched open and fucked good, and boy would Richie deliver.

After a few pumps and twists of his finger, Richie was already able to add another. In addition to Eddie having already stretched himself, a side effect of the gas was that it relaxed you, loosening your muscles and making your body more pliant. So Richie was able to get three fingers deep in record time, having received not a single complaint from Eddie, but instead continuous encouragement and hip swivels.

At this point, Eddie was basically fucking himself back on Richie’s fingers, and Richie legitimately considered letting him get off just like that. However, Richie’s own length was feeling ignored, so he shelved that idea for another day.

Richie removed his fingers, soothing Eddie’s whine with kisses along his back as Richie reached towards the box for a condom.

“No, n-no condom.” Eddie panted, trying to pull Richie’s hand back towards himself.

“Wha- are you sure?” Richie asked, despite his heart rate skyrocketing at the idea of being inside Eddie completely bare.

Eddie nodded, accompanied with a little moan.

“I want to carry your load inside me for the rest of the day.”

That’s all the encouragement Richie needed to convince him. He let his forehead rest between Eddie’s shoulder blades for a moment, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to compose himself so he didn’t cum then and there.

“You are going to kill me if you keep saying things like that.” Richie huffed out.

Eddie wiggled his ass back against Richie once again, only now that Richie was hunched over him, Eddie was grinding right back into his lap, the thick head of Richie’s cock catching on Eddie’s rim every few seconds.

“Then shut me up.” Eddie challenged coyly.

Well, Richie might only last a few seconds, but at least they’ll be a blissful few.

Richie drew back his pelvis, lining himself up with Eddie and pushing in without hesitation. The resulting moan was wanton, filling the room with a small echo that bounced off the walls. Richie momentarily wondered if these rooms were soundproof, and tried to think back to when he’d been walking through the halls. Had he heard anyone? Were there people listening to his most intimate moments right this second?

Eddie’s tight heat clenching around him was enough to shake those thoughts from his head. If they wanted to listen, then god bless them, because Richie would put on a show.

He pulled his hips back before pistoning forward with a vigor that knocked a choked moan out of Eddie. Richie quickly set a tempo that had Eddie unable to keep quiet, making sure to angle himself in a way that he found Eddie’s prostate, and keeping himself aimed towards it with every thrust.

“Fuck fuck hhhhhnnnnnngggg- so full.” Eddie groaned, reaching one of his hands down to his abdomen and pressing in, as if he might be able to feel Richie within him.

“So tight.” Richie responded, petting down Eddie’s back.

“I don’t know if it’s the g-gas but I don’t think I’ve ever been fucked this g-good- oh my god yesssss right there.”

Eddie was meeting Richie thrust for thrust, the sound of skin slapping together the only thing that could be heard apart from their moans.

“That’s not the gas- fuck- it’s all m- mmmmmm- all me, baby.”

Normally Eddie would hate a cocky response like that, but right then it went straight to his cock, causing it to twitch and release a heady string of pre-cum. He could tell he was going to cum soon, could feel the tightening in his balls and the constricting of his abdomen.

“I’m gonna cum, Richie- ‘m gonna- ahhhhh-”

Richie reached a hand around to Eddie’s front, grasping his cock in a gentle hold and giving it the attention it craved. Within seconds Eddie was spilling over Richie’s deft fingers, soiling the bed beneath them with waves of his release.

It took Richie another few minutes to cum, fucking into Eddie’s overstimulated hole to chase his own high. Eddie didn’t complain, didn’t wince away or whine, he just stayed open and willing, a vessel for Richie to get off.

When Richie finally finished and pulled out, Eddie collapsed on the bed, too far out of his mind to care that he was laying in his own cum, or that Richie’s was dripping out of him.

Richie lowered himself down beside Eddie, catching his breath as he let his eyes wander over the man’s lithe form. He wasn’t sure what the protocol was after having sex-gas initiated intercourse with a stranger. Did you cuddle? Kiss? Was he allowed to ask him on another date?

As the gas induced haze started to leave their minds, they became more and more aware of the state of them.

“Do you think they have showers here?” Eddie’s voice chirped up after a long silence. It was smaller than before, shy, maybe, which Richie thought to be endearing after he’d been begging for Richie to destroy him mere minutes ago.

“I hope so. I’m not too keen on the idea of walking home covered in my own spunk.”

Richie heard a small giggle, and when Eddie turned to face him he just about stopped Richie’s heart.

The smile on his face was radiant, shining up into his eyes and directly into Richie’s soul. Richie nearly missed his next few words, too busy falling so hard he thought he may get a concussion.

“I’ve always hated that word. Spunk.” Eddie repeated it, scrunching his nose up in disgust.

Richie wasn’t aware of his hand moving until it was curling a lock of Eddie’s hair around his ear, fingers drifting down to his cheek bone and along his jaw. Eddie’s face fell into a new expression, surprised, but also inquisitive and searching.

Richie let his hand settle on to Eddie’s neck, thumb grazing back and forth over his jaw. He locked in to those hazel eyes before slowly, carefully, leaning into Eddie’s space and placing a gentle peck on his lips.

Eddie responded with a light press of his own lips, eyelids fluttering shut only for them to pop back open when the kiss ended before he was ready.

“Eddie…” Richie took a breath, stilling himself before continuing. “Will you go on a date with me? A real date?”

Eddie bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his grin from showing through. He tried to calm his heart down before responding.

“On one condition.”

Richie raised an eyebrow.

“The food has to be better than that slop.” Eddie nodded towards the table where their forgotten dinner laid.

“Of course, Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie smiled before recapturing Eddie’s lips.

[ebonydusk]

Things that were, things that are, and things that may be...

I’ll warn you right now this post might get rather long, so I’ll be sure to put most of it under the line. And also warn that this post contains very personal talk about severe depression, anxiety, PTSD, abortion and suicide.

I’ve made various posts over time on this hellsite. I call it that cause...it really can be at times. But it’s also a place I can vent and put my thoughts out into the world, even if I know no one will notice or will really pay attention to it. This one though, this one is probably the most personal.

I’ll start off by explaining I’ve suffered from depression the majority of my life. I can’t possibly tell you how or when it truly started, but I can recognize now that it was there since I was young. It went hand in hand with my growing anxiety that was born of being isolated and over protected and sheltered in a small town with small minds. It’s possible it all came from the fact I was molested as a child. Up till I was at least ten. Which is the last time I let him come near me. My grandfather was a ‘war hero’. A ‘pillar of the small community’. A ‘good man and a good father’. A ‘wonderful husband’. But he also didn’t keep his hands to himself. And I never told anyone. Not my mom. Not my dad. Not my sweet grandmother. No one. They still don’t know. But my therapists and my husband and closests friends now do. I’m not as ashamed of it anymore. I realized only recently I shouldn’t be, it wasn’t my fault. And I’m not the one who should have ever felt such shame and guilt.

But keeping that secret since I was so little and never dealing with it left it’s mark on my small mind. A mark that festered and grew into fear and anxiety and self hatred.

Then I realized I was into girls. I felt...out of place. I wasn’t really shamed of that per se. But it WAS a small town. I got picked on by those that knew. Those that guessed. And those that just didn’t like how quiet I was. I was the “girl to talk to if if you wanted to ‘experiment’” to most of the girls in school. I mostly went along with it cause...how exactly did you say no to some of the most popular girls in school and not end up the target of some serious Mean Girl shit? Right? So I started my experimenting early. My girlfriend at the time got jealous easy and she wasn’t happy about none of it...but she was also closeted and afraid of people finding out. There was a point she became a source of bullying just to throw people off.  I grew cautious of telling people. I didn’t want to be targeted anymore. I didn’t want to be used. I didn’t want to be looked at as a freak. Another secret I had to keep. Another thing I had to hide. I’m more open about it now. I still haven’t pin pointed what I am myself. And that’s ok. It really is. FOr everyone who’s unsure it’s ok. No matter your age or how long you’ve had to figure it out.

I met my husband in high school. He was a bright point in those times for me. (And a dark one too, it was high school after all. Drama.) We were on and off more than once. Him being a hormonal guy and me being the idiot that kept forgiving him when he’d come crying back to me when his attempt to move on was rejected harshly. (he’s a wonderful man but he can still act like a teenager sometimes.)

And yes, we did get married. Which leads me to another stressful point in my life. I was left on my own shortly after our marriage. My husband practically volunteered to go be sent overseas. He had to ‘prove himself’. He had to ‘get away’. And so he left. We weren’t prepared. I certainly wasn’t. For nearly a whole year I was left on my own. In a tiny apartment. At first I was ok...until both cars broke down. I had no ride and I was too scared and anxious to ask for help. Cause the one time I did I got guilt tripped about being a burden to my husband by someone he worked with giving me a ride. and the manager of the apartment was a ‘military hater’. So she wasn’t happy about us. So I felt trapped. Alone. Scared. Isolated. And I gained 100+ pounds from ordering out cause I had no way to leave. It was  dark time and I was a mess and the apartment went to shit cause of it too. It was my first mental break. I didn’t recognize it then. I do now though. When my husband returned it was to a barely kept together apartment and a wife that was suddenly overweight and mentally unsound. It was a stressful time. I tried to get help...but they did nothing but throw medication at me that didn’t work.

One of the many reasons I don’t fully trust doctors.

Fast forwarding by a lot, skipping over quite a few little things that went on that probably had some affect on me. But we’re gonna go with big things for now. We’re in alabama now. I need a job. Jody helps me get one at a bowling alley on base. It’s my first job after FIVE YEARS of me trying and searching with little luck. The place was ok at first. But things went downhill fast. The promised hours were not what I got. The manager ran two buildings and the one I was at was the one she hated the most. (She admitted this often.) She micromanged everything. Talked down to everyone. Expected more than was could be given.

I was doing the job of 10 other people at that place. And for not enough hours and during the BUSIEST times of the week. The weekends. Most people will scoff at that. “Only the weekends? Pffft! You wimp! You child! That’s nothing!” Yeah. Maybe it is. But those three days of work? They were awful. They were draining and it got to the point I would actually cry before having to go back cause it was so bad. I hated it. But I kept trying cause I felt guilty. I felt weak. And I didn’t want to disappoint my husband who HELPED me get the job. During all this stress I found out I was pregnant. (this part is very upsetting for me and might be for others too. I apologize to anyone who is still reading this.) I didn’t know how to feel when I looked at that stupid pee stick. I was dumbfounded. I told my husband and...his reaction broke my heart. He panicked. Badly. He had to be sure. We went to a doctor. They confirmed. Their ‘Congratulations’ hurt me. It cut too deep. Cause I knew what my husband wanted to do. He wasn’t ready and he was panicking with every day.

He had me convinced we couldn’t do it. I knew it was bull. I knew it wasn’t true. The military would have paid him MORE to have the baby. I knew it. THey increase pay for such things. But I didn’t know how to fight him on it. I didn’t want him to hate me. I didn’t want him to regret or resent me. So...I went along. I agreed.

I know I told some people that it was done cause it was affecting my health. I lied. I felt too ashamed to tell the truth. I didn’t want to say “we got rid of it cause we weren’t ready”. Cause that wasn’t all true. HE wasn’t ready. I was more than so. I always wanted kids. At least one. But he...

He once told me “If it happens then it happens and we’ll deal”...that was clearly not the case. The abortion broke me. Both mentally and emotionally and physically. I hurt. So much. I still have nightmares at times. Not as often anymore thankfully. But back then it was almost every night afterwards. I...I went back to work. I had to. What else could I do? But not long after returning I just couldn’t anymore. I saw a therapist and he was kind. Understanding. I wasn’t used to that from doctors in the military. He helped some. But it was a temporary thing. Not a full time therapist. But even with his help I could stick it. I had to get away from that job and I needed time.

So I quit...And I felt ashamed and guilty cause I was handed that job on a silver platter and I couldn’t stick to it. I did for 4 years but I still felt horrible.

I stopped seeing that doctor. I stopped taking my meds. I just...tried to move on on my own. I tried to find other things to do. I had my friends online and they helped a lot. I disappeared into my writing. I distracted myself for a long, long time. Then things started going downhill ‘last year’, of 2019. Money getting tighter. Friends getting busy. Some of my favorite places to hang out online, RP forums mostly, were slowing or dying and shutting down. Some of the people I called friends weren’t talking to me anymore. I knew some were just busy and dealing with their own lives but it still felt painful and I felt alone again. Even with a house of three dogs, a roommate, a husband...I felt unwanted. Unloved. Useless. worthless. Pitiful. Shameful. Painful. I couldn’t sleep right. I was staying up for DAYS straight cause of my nightmares and insomnia and my brain just not turning off. I barely ate. My husband had started doing new better work but also college classes and had NO TIME. No time to talk. No time to sit with me anymore. No time. And I knew he needed space to work. I understood that. I wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t that he didn’t care he was just too busy to focus on anything but. Yet it still hurt. I was alone. I felt hollow and full of nothing but darkness at the same time. As dramatic as that sounds. I just wanted it to end. I wanted to not be a burden. I didn’t want the people I knew to feel they had to bother with me anymore. They wouldn’t need to worry or care or bother checking on me anymore. No more emotional mess that is me. No more mother hen monster fussing. No more pestering to hang out. No more.

I had a plan. I had a method. I had a place. All I needed was to wait for my husband to leave in the morning. Make sure the roommate was still sleeping in like always. And I’d take care of it all. I’d stop being a pest, a burden, a mess, a black mark on the lives of those I knew. I’d stop being a disappointment, a failure, a weakling, a pathetic excuse of life.

But one night...I realized those thoughts were wrong. just a moment. Just a spark of a thought. Through the dark fog that dominated my mind. And I sat down and talked to my husband. I told him what was wrong. I told him what I had planned to do. And he took me to someone as soon as possible. They sent me to a hospital (by the way 16 hours waiting in a hospital room is AWFUL and hospitals should be ashamed). And THEY sent me to a Behavioral Health Facility. A nut house. Yeah. BHF is just the nice way to name it. I was there for three days. It seemed to help. I calmed down. I discovered I had diabetes while there too.  I continued to seek treatment. I got my therapist. I got my psychiatrist. I have help now. Continuous help. Consistent help. And I’ve stayed on my meds this time. All this started in May 2019. I went into the BHF on May 10, 2019 and I’ve done my best to stick with everything. I’ve realized a lot about myself and I’m working on a lot of things. I’m hoping to keep getting better. There are a lot of people that helped along the way. People that kept me from doing something I’d regret sooner. Some that helped me more than they could ever realize and I wish I still talked to them. But I know they’ve had life keep them down. I want to thank them right now for being there for me. Misty, Tahki, Jessi, Tana, Fishy, Oobi, Verg, Aru, Naan, that one person who kept answering my depressing blogs and cheering me up ( I’m so sorry I can’t remember your name at this time I feel horrid), There are so many others...I want to thank you all. I’d @ you but I don’t want to disturb you with this long ass mess. I love you guys. Always will. I’m sorry for not talking to any of you more. But know I’m still here. And I’m still thinking of you. Always.

[cobwebsaint]

BLEASE DO THE SPIT FIC

AHHHH YES alright obligatory NSFW warning and link to the original if anybody is compelled to leave some sweet kudos or a comment or anything. The garbage stays under the cut for the sake of your eyeballs and your dash.

[Before we even get into the meat of this mf let it be known I was BULLIED into participating in the Slipknot body fluids garbage trend and I still hate it but god was it all downhill from there. Y’all know who you are. Bitch.]

Corey really did have a hard fucking time shutting up, and it almost always got him in some level of shit. After getting the shit kicked out of him at bars and parties and shows approximately three trillion times, you would have thought he’d learned his lesson. 

He did not. 

[I have never spoken a word that was not true. The Corey Taylor gremlin is just an obnoxious big mouthed creecher. He cannot help thise.]

The man had no off button. He knew it, everybody else knew it— it was just something they all had to live with. Jim especially. Jim signed on for this bullshit every single day.

That was his own fault.

[Ah yes, the birthplace of what is now known as the domestic nightmares AU. I promise I’m actually gonna write it. I have a whole sandbox doc. But point is they’re stupid and they’re gross and they’re boyfriends.]

He was off on some godforsaken tangent again about nothing in particular, which Jim had tuned out a good ten minutes ago. Sometimes he felt a little bad about how easy it’d become to turn Corey to white noise, but then he caught something about what Ted Bundy did right or pounding back all the Kool-Aid at Jonestown (“It’s Flavor-Aid, James.”) and decided it wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. Some things were just better left alone. Letting Corey babble while Jim mindlessly twisted his fingers through his curls was a pretty good option in Jim’s book.

Of course, that was all up until Corey inevitably realized he was being ignored and made it a point to get the spotlight back. 

[In which Jim shares the same emotion towards Corey and his Sagittarius center of attention disease as the rest of us.]

Jim shifted away from the finger that was jabbing him hard in the ribs, pulling a face and looking down at Corey who had propped himself up on his chin, laying on Jim’s stomach. “What’d I do this time? Jesus.”

“You better be thinkin’ about something real fuckin’ important.” 

[Bold of him to assume Jim is experiencing thoughts at all tbh.]

“Oh yeah. Daydreaming about the day you’re finally able to sit and shut up for more than ten seconds.”

[Aren’t we all.]

Corey narrowed his eyes, punching Jim in the side, satisfied with the “Ow!” he earned in response. “You fuckin’ prick. You don’t get to complain.”

“I get to complain the most. Nobody else sitting here listening to you talk about the logistics of having a conjoined twin, y’know. I’ve earned that right fair and square, dude.”

“What, you’re telling me you haven’t thought about how you’d—”

“No.”

“Bullshit.”

[Just in case you were wondering, (you probably weren’t) the gremlin is thinking about how you’d fuck with a conjoined twin.]

Jim rolled his eyes and shook his head, but he still couldn’t hide the dumb little smirk that wanted to tug at the corners of his lips. “God, what the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Corey started up again and Jim immediately cut him off, reaching over to clap a hand over his mouth. “Ah! Don’t. Just. Shut up.”

[Jim: asks that question

Corey: starts telling his entire life story for the sixtieth time that week]

Corey batted Jim’s hand away, pushed himself up, crawling in close enough to swing a leg over Jim, straddling his hips. He leaned in, probably half a millimeter from Jim’s face, hands planted at either side of his head, curls cascading down around him. He was still pretty even when he was being a bastard and it was total bullshit. 

[You’re just mad your dick won’t you stay mad at him, James.]

“Make me.” 

Jim snorted a laugh. “Just say you want me to choke you out and be done with it.”

“Nah, that’s you. ‘Sit on my dick and strangle me, it’ll be great.”

“Don’t make me out to be the fuckin’ pervert when you’re the one begging me to step on your balls,” Jim retorted, barely even batting an eye. 

Corey sat up a little, leering down at Jim and running his tongue over his teeth. Eventually he just resigned to it. “Fair. But you’re still gross.”

[Points were made. There ain’t no winning here lbr.]

“Mhm. Right.” Jim reached up, threading a hand messy through Corey’s hair to bring him into a kiss. “You done bitching yet? Can I go back to only kinda hearing the crazy shit that comes out of your mouth again?”

“Hell no,” he said, shaking his head for that extra touch of dramatic emphasis. “Do you even know who you’re talking to? If you weren’t the size of a goddamn skyscraper I’d swear you just crawled out of whatever pit you came from.”

“Maybe I’m dumb, but I’m not that dumb. The great big mouth will never be silenced.” Jim giggled, bringing a knee up to knock Corey over beside him. He rolled over, pinning him down instead. “Y’know, except maybe when you’ve got a dick shoved in your face. Still making noise, but at least you’re not fuckin’ talking.”

Corey got a look on his face like he’d just reinvented the wheel, squinting his eyes up in a shit-eating grin, and Kill Bill sirens started going off in Jim’s head. No. Nope. We are under attack. This couldn’t be anything good. 

“Okay, but just consider— AND HEAR ME OUT, OKAY?” Corey cut in, watching the idea of interrupting him again flicker through Jim’s head. “What about two dicks? I bet I could fit two dicks in my mouth.”

Well. Huh. Maybe that did have Jim some sort of interested. He sat back a little, looking Corey up and down. “…You have my attention.”

“Listen, I know this chick and—” 

Jim had to laugh, ‘cause Corey thinking he was actually gonna share had to be the funniest goddamn thing to happen to him all week. He didn’t consider himself the jealous type. Maybe a little possessive sometimes. But he had to keep a tight leash on Corey Todd “Himbo” Taylor. Him being certified Awful was what got them into this mess in the first place. Jim just had a bad habit of catching feelings. Whatever, clearly Corey was more than okay with it.

[Yes I did use the word himbo in this fic and no I do not accept criticism. Also a bit of lore is that Corey essentially annoyed the absolute dick out of Jim until he was about ready to commit a murder all as an elaborate plan to get a date.]

“Nope, try that again.”

“Alright, what about Mick or—”

“Is that supposed to be better?” 

Corey groaned, punching Jim in the shoulder. “Why you gotta ruin all the fun? Can’t a dude get his face fucked and not get a bunch of shit for it?”

“Never said you couldn’t,” Jim mused. “But if you think I’m gonna let anybody else have that kind of satisfaction, you’re dead wrong dude. I’m the only one around here who deserves it. Take it or leave it.” 

Corey cocked his head to the side, staring Jim down like he was supposed to take him seriously. Like Jim didn’t already know the answer. Like he didn’t know that Corey was physically incapable of turning down the chance to get his shit rocked, whether it happened the way he wanted it to or not. 

“Fuck you. Fine.”

[Okay so this WHOLE FIC was deadass prompted by that stupid fucking picture of Corey with his fist shoved in his mouth skdjfg. So I was talking to Marina and I was like. Y’know. I bet he could fit two dicks in there. And I just kinda went buck wild. Jim was supposed to split the little bastard’s lips and shove a dildo in there too but that. Did not happen. Maybe someday.]

Content, Jim rolled off of him, got to his feet, and made a ‘well?’ gesture. Corey didn’t move, instead shooting him a look. A challenge.

Still playing that game. Alright.

Jim reached down, twisting Corey’s hair around his fist and dragging him towards the edge of the bed. “Really gonna be stubborn when you’re the one who’s begging for it?” 

“You want it all for yourself, you’re gonna have to work for it.” 

[Sir that is not how this works.]

Smug little fucker. Corey had put him through the same act at least a billion times now but somehow he still managed to find a way to get Jim to want to smack the ego right out of him. 

Corey slipped off the bed, knees buckling without (a ton of) struggle when Jim pushed him towards the floor. He tilted Corey’s head back, getting a firm grip on his jaw. 

“How you manage to be so cute while being such a pain in the ass still fuckin’ blows my mind, y’know.”

A giggle bubbled up in Corey’s chest. He strained against the hand in his hair, trying to wriggle his way out of Jim’s hold. He knew it wasn’t gonna happen, but hey— couple fingerprint shaped bruises never hurt anyone. 

[I didn’t realize how weird the wording here was until after I posted it ngl. Like. He’s angling Corey’s head back by pulling his hair and holding him there by holding his jaw. Just. To clear that up. I’ve been obsessing over this one little line for months cuz it’s a little weird but I Am Not Changing It.]

“You love it. Wouldn’t have put up with me this long if you didn’t. It’s okay, Peach. You can admit I’m hot shit.”

“Shut up, would you?” Jim tugged back, drawing a surprised noise out of Corey that only served to melt back into a laugh. “Jesus.”

“Come on, don’t be so touchy. I’m right.” Corey slid a hand up the inside of Jim’s thigh, pressing his palm into him and grabbing his already half-hard cock through his sweats. “If I’m not, then explain this away. Pavlov ain’t got shit on me.”

Nah. Nope. That was more than enough out of him. Jim wrenched Corey’s hand away, taking his hands off him just long enough to shove his sweats and boxers down and free his cock. “Open. And hands to your fuckin’ self.”

[SEE HE JUST MAD HIS DICK ENTERS THE CHAT EVERY TIME COREY’S BEING A LITTLE BITCH.]

Thankfully, that was the one thing that Corey didn’t try and fight. He leaned his head back, opened his mouth, and locked his gaze with Jim’s. Stupid pretty blue eyes practically sparkling, knowing damn well he got Jim good. Fuck. Asshole couldn’t turn it off for a second, could he? 

Jim grabbed him, holding him in place as he guided his dick into his mouth. Warm and wet and fucking perfect as always. This little shit was gonna give him a heart attack some day, he just knew it. 

He started off slow, watching Corey melt into it. Eyes fluttering shut, cheeks hollowing out around him, hands clasped behind his back. Tongue laving expertly around the head of Jim’s cock like it was second nature. Hot shit was a stretch, but hot was a different story. 

“Fuck yeah, that’s good,” Jim groaned, hand anchored on the back of Corey’s head as he rolled his hips into his mouth. “All bark and no bite. Think it would be easier to just say you wanna get used like a toy. Least you’re good at it.”

Corey made a pleased noise, leaning into it, taking Jim’s length deeper. He opened his eyes again, looking up at Jim through his lashes and whining softly. A plea for more. More ‘cause he was a greedy little bastard. 

Jim took the cue, snapping his hips forward, tightening his grip. He heard Corey sputter around him a bit, which only served as further encouragement. He fucked into his mouth in quick, deep thrusts, Corey practically going limp before him. The heat, the way Corey pressed his tongue against the underside of his cock, face contorting a bit every time Jim’s dick hit the back of his throat. Jim was already wrapped tight around the axel but god, it was too pretty of a sight to give up this early in the game. 

Even if it was giving Corey exactly what he was trying for— a happy Corey was a quiet Corey.

Or quieter.

[Ha.]

When Jim let up to let Corey catch his breath, he probably lost about half his brain cell count. Drool running down his chin, lips pink and swollen, crystal eyes brimming with tears— Corey looked practically ethereal. Like, fuck wings and halos. This was as close to angelic as someone could get and Jim fucking loved it. Shit. 

[He do be pretty tho. Also idk where the sudden religious imagery came from but like. I sure did stick with it huh. Whatever it works.]

Jim dragged his thumb over Corey’s bottom lip, breaking strings of spit that connected with his cock. He hooked his thumb under Corey’s chin, slipping two long fingers in his mouth and pressing down on his tongue. 

Corey closed around them, running his tongue between them before bobbing his head and taking them deeper. He moaned around the digits, shifting on his knees a little like he wanted to buck his hips into something that wasn’t there.

Satisfied, Jim retracted his fingers, rubbing them over Corey’s lips and chin and smearing spit across his face while he caught his breath. Jesus fucking Christ. He was feeling more and more like a ticking time bomb by the minute here, and Corey’s stupid obnoxious pretty blissed out face was doing him no favors. 

[At this point I was like. Hmmm. How many different ways can I ruin this stupid little rat’s entire career. This is really just the everything but the kitchen sink fic.]

No matter how good and perfect and fucked up and fucking slutty he looked down on his knees, taking whatever he was given, that didn’t change a damn thing. He was still the same terrible little demon that Jim knew and loved for some godforsaken reason. 

[THEY’RE IN LOVE!!!]

“‘S that it?” he rasped out, in between heavy breaths he knew he was gonna need to savor.

Nevermind. Jim was gonna kill him. Like, absolutely decimate him. 

[I WANT THAT TWINK OBLITERATED]

He thrust back into Corey’s mouth, finding the same fast pace as before. Haphazardly pulling Corey into it, meeting every rut of hips, making him struggle more this time around. Jim watched him squirm, nails biting into his wrists, but they stayed where they were locked behind his back. 

This was that sweet spot, where Corey felt filthy and used and amazing all wrapped up into one. Sure, he could ask for it, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. All the back and forth was part of the game that made the end goal that much sweeter. And yes, he was terrible and loved every minute of bugging the shit out of Jim until he finally snapped. It got him the attention, didn’t it?

[I started to veer off into this sort of perspective shift thing and I didn’t know how I felt about it while I was writing it but honestly I really like how it made the story flow.]

He was worlds away for a while, reduced to nothing more than a hole to be filled while Jim fucked his face. All moans and sloppy wet sounds, soaking up every little sensation— stingy pain of his hair being pulled, jaw starting to ache, cock fucking throbbing and leaking a wet spot into his boxers every time he got the least bit of friction. Jim thought Corey was an angel and this was most definitely heaven. 

Of course, Corey only stayed on cloud nine for so long. Jim hit the back of his throat again, holding him there this time. He only gagged a little at first, tears spilling over onto his cheeks. Corey’s eyes shot open and he whimpered around him, but Jim stayed put.

The second wave was worse, and he finally had to unclasp his hands and bring them up to grip onto Jim’s hips— his sign to let up.

Jim let go and pulled back just in time for a full body wretch to hit Corey. He doubled over, bracing himself on his hands, thick, stringy deepthroat spit dripping from his mouth. He hung his head, breathing hard, and Jim felt his cock twitch. 

[Don’t @ me I had just been subjected to not one but SEVERAL puke fics and I was feeling an emotion okay.]

“Oh fuck me,” Jim said out loud, because Jim was a gross horny fool. 

He knelt down, laying his hand against Corey’s cheek, making him lift his head again. He looked positively ruined. Eyes red, cheeks tear stained, whole mouth wet and well used, the front of his shirt starting to go sheer from all the drool. God, all Jim wanted to do was kiss him.

“Good?” Jim asked, and Corey gave a weak nod. Jim moved in a little closer. “Hey, talk to me. You okay? Need to stop?”

“Yeah, ‘m good,” Corey sighed, leaning his forehead against Jim’s. “Don’t wanna stop, no. Was into it, trust me.” He let go of a gravelly laugh, “Just gimme a minute.”

Jim nodded his head, running his thumb along the curve of Corey’s jaw. “Fuckin’ pretty, y’know.”

[Oh no they’re sweet.]

“Peach?”

“Mmm?”

“Shut up. Don’t just look at me like that. You look dumb.”

[Nvm.]

Jim rolled his eyes, “You shut up.” He curled his hand around the back of Corey’s neck and closed what little gap was left between them with a kiss. He tasted like cigarettes and salt and skin and it made Jim’s head spin and his stomach do backflips. Which I mean, was definitely due in part to the fact that his dick was cocked and ready to blow like a shotgun straight through the wall next to him. But Corey— the feel of his skin and the taste on his tongue and his weight on top of Jim when he was being dumb and pretty and needy and refusing to be anything less than the center of attention— well, that never helped Jim’s case. 

Soft little whimpers from Corey were muffled into Jim’s mouth, hands sliding around his broad frame and hiking his shirt up so Corey could trace over the curve of Jim’s spine. Little bit of contact, closeness that was lost when it wasn’t Jim balls deep inside of him. This was okay though. More than okay, fucking fantastic. Good to the point that Corey didn’t even try and fight when Jim pulled away. Especially not when he tugged his head back, making him look up at the ceiling as he licked a stripe from the very bottom of his chin, back to his lips. He kissed him again, like he needed to be attached at the mouth to survive, tongue easily gaining entry into Corey’s mouth and pulling more throaty moans from him. 

[Jk they’re still gross and in love.]

It was over all too quickly, Corey making a sound in protest as Jim pulled away from him and rose to his feet again. Jim yanked his head back, catching his lower lip with his thumb, mouth falling open once more. Before the thought even had the chance of passing through Corey’s mind of what the hell— Jim was bent over him, holding him in place as he spit into his mouth. Or rather back into his mouth. 

Oh. Shit. Alright. 

[Again, everything but the kitchen sink here boys.]

Several emotions flashed across Corey’s face before he settled in at acceptance, staring up at Jim with big, glazed over eyes as he towered over him.

“You want more?”

Corey nodded a very enthusiastic yes.

“Gonna be a good boy for me?”

That was met with some hesitation, knit brows and a shrug of the shoulders like he was weighing his options. Jim just shook his head. “If you’re gonna be a shit, then you can do it your damn self now. Prove you deserve it.”

Corey shot him a look, but he didn’t exactly try and argue. Wouldn’t be the first time he sucked a dick to make a point. Definitely not the last either. He sat up on his knees, wrapping his hand around Jim’s length, working him in slow, even strokes as he teased his tongue over the head. Jim about had an aneurysm from the looks of it and Corey couldn’t help but giggle. 

Jim knocked his knuckles against the side of Corey’s face. Not hard enough to hurt, but still enough to make him knock it the fuck off.

Stupid slut. 

[This still makes me giggle. Like you bap a fucking cat on the nose dksgdfj.]

Sucking the tip of Jim’s dick into his mouth, Corey gave a contented hum. He bobbed his head up and down, keeping pace with his hand, Jim lazily tracing his fingertips over the stubble on his cheeks. He mumbled a string of praise— ‘fuck yeah, baby’ and ‘so fucking good’ and ‘shit, just like that.’ Caught up and fucked up all over again. Corey Taylor was a bastard and Jim wasn’t about to give him up for a goddamn thing. 

Corey pulled off of him with a filthy ‘pop,’ wasting little time between then and ducking his head down to tongue at Jim’s balls. For what had to be the billionth time in the past ten minutes, Jim was briefly convinced he was going to leave this earth entirely. It was all he could do, to watch dumbly as Corey worked from left to right, sucking and moaning and swirling his tongue in just the right way to make Jim’s dick visibly twitch in his hand 

“Jesus fuck, baby.”

Jesus fuck, indeed. He was already seeing stars and he still hadn’t come yet. Here he was, giving the incentive of more when his knees were about to buckle. Who’s the jackass now?

[Me: writing oral sucks it’s always awkward and repetitive

Also me: stretches the oral to 5k]

Jim’s head fell back as Corey worked his way back up his length, running his tongue along the underside of it before damn near hilting him on his first try. He choked a little, pulling back to center himself before he tried again. Obscene sounds and lascivious moans filled the air, Jim’s eyes squeezed shut as he focused on the heat burning in the pit of his stomach. All he needed was a minute or two and to watch Corey’s eyes roll back in his skull to be pulled taut and ready to snap at any second. 

“Fuck me, I’m so close. Come on baby, don’t stop. Know you want it too.” Jim’s hand had found its way to the back of Corey’s head again, forcing him further down, finding that perfect rhythm again. Call it a sign of encouragement. Or something. 

Yeah, encouragement.  

Corey worked him as hard as he could, sucking and licking and slurping and swallowing him whole until the vibrations from one final groan around Jim’s cock brought all these sensations to a crescendo. Jim held him down as he came hard, spilling down his throat, swearing and gritting his teeth. Corey nursed him through, sucking him slow as Jim’s arms and legs turned to jello. Watching through his lashes as he tensed and moaned, breathing in sharp, ragged inhales until he finally had to shove Corey away ‘cause shit. 

Jim sighed heavily, pushing his hair back and out of his face, staring down at the stupid cocky look on Corey’s face. Were he able to form a coherent thought, he would have taken his ego down a notch— unfortunately, mentally he was still somewhere off in orbit. Without being entirely aware of his own actions, Jim was grabbing Corey by the collar and getting him back up off his knees. He shoved his hands underneath the hem of his shirt, fingertips studying inches of skin, the hair on his stomach, sides damp with sweat, every bump and imperfection before finally pulling the ratty spit-soaked tee over his head. 

[And to your left, you see Service Top Brain immediately taking control the second Jim no longer has enough brain cells to resist it.]

He pulled Corey to him, hands on his waist as he backed up to the bed, knees giving way when they hit the edge of the mattress. Jim hit the bed and laid back, bringing Corey down with him and directly into a kiss. Strong arms circled around Corey’s frame, bodies pressed snug, mouths melded together as one. Whatever post-nut trance Jim was in, it was perfectly fine by Corey. This was close and safe and comfortable and I mean, with the way Jim was rocking him against his stomach, you weren’t gonna hear much more than the sound of his brain cells popping like balloons ‘cause his dick was taking up all the blood flow. 

[They may be stupid but you gotta admit. They are pretty tender too.]

A high pitched whine that (it was safe to assume) was supposed words fell from Corey’s lips as Jim’s connected with the center of his chest. He had pulled away panting, working his way down— mouthing at Corey’s jaw, nipping at his earlobe, leaving a trail of hickeys down his neck. Maybe it had caught Corey off guard a little, not getting told off for being a shit and all, but any and all attention was welcome here with open arms. 

“Fuck, Jim c’mon,” he barely managed to gasp out. Forming sentences wasn’t about to be the first to go. He had a reputation to uphold here. “Better not start messin’ with me now.”

Teeth clinked against metal, Jim tugging on the ring through his right nipple and ripping all the thoughts straight from his brain for a moment. He swirled his tongue over the hardening flesh before biting down. Corey shivered and bit back a moan, pain radiating through him and twisting up in his gut. Like he wasn’t already prepared to implode as is. “Mother fucking Mary. Now you’re just making it a point to be a dick. Nobody likes a tease, Peach.”

[Also calling Jim peach is Corey’s thing in this universe. It’s gross. And soft. They’re the worst.]

Nothing. Not even an upwards glance. 

Corey wanted to scream. He wanted to slam his fist down on the bed, call Jim some new variant on ‘cunt,’ fight back, take control. But he also really didn’t want this to stop. He was so hard it fucking hurt and Jim had him right in the palm of his hand where he could barely keep his head straight and honestly? He was perfectly fine sitting right there. He was probably just missing some cue. Off by a beat and too whiny and stubborn to realize it. (Which he was. Corey never claimed to be smart. Especially not when his lizard brain was kicked into overdrive and all he could think about was getting split in half.) 

[He’s so STUPID. God. Bratty ass dumbass.]

While the idea was pretty appealing, he couldn’t even begin to collect the agency he’d need for any of that anyway. There was now a hand dangerously high up on his thigh, thumb tracing line where it met his hip, and there was no goddamn way he was gonna be able to focus on anything else. 

So Jim still did want him dead. Cool. 

“God baby, what do you want?” Corey whined, raking his nails over Jim’s chest, watching red marks appear in their wake. “I wasn’t even that bad. Did everything you wanted, barely even gave you shit. What, you want me to get you off again? ‘Cause I can do that. I’ll gladly do that if it gets you to quit fucking dragging me along. I’ll do all the work and fuck you myself if I gotta. Could smash my face into a wall and call me a soul sucking whore for all I care. Jesus Christ, just give me more.”

[YOU’RE SO CLOSE YET SO FAR BUD.]

Jim’s fingertips dipped into the elastic of Corey’s boxers, dragging across the front between his hips, just barely brushing against his cock before the waistband snapped back against his skin. Corey yelped, heels of his palms digging into Jim’s collarbones. He had no doubt Jim was thoroughly enjoying this, but the joke wasn’t all that funny anymore. Wasn’t very funny to begin with, actually. 

“Fuck me, Peach please. Please, I’ll do fucking anything. Just quit doing that.”

Suddenly Corey’s back was against the sheets again, Jim sliding back off the bed to tear his boxers down and toss them in some vague direction (he was only really going for away.) He nudged Corey’s legs apart and kneed back up between them, fingers curling around his cock. Corey’s hips immediately jerked up into the contact and he let out a hiss. Good god, he was so fucking sensitive he wanted to die. He made a noise that sounded more like a sob than anything, grabbing at Jim’s wrist. If he stopped he was going to scream but if he kept it up Corey was about to be launched into space and land on fucking Neptune. 

“Was that really so hard?” Jim questioned, and yeah. Maybe it was. Getting Corey to ask nice instead of being a colossal brat was like pulling teeth from an alligator. Fortunately for Jim, he was currently on a one way flight to the next realm. It was a little harder to keep all that up in the moment. 

Another “please” was all Corey managed— clearly asking for something else, something more— but Jim couldn’t just let him have that. 

“See, now you’re getting the hang of it!”

[Jim: See I can be an asshole too]

Corey snaked his arms around Jim’s neck, pulling him down to eye level. “Is it your goal in life to be a giant fucking pain in the ass?”

[Yes. That and buy a bike.]

“As much as it is yours, baby.” Jim laughed, nuzzling against Corey’s cheek. He mouthed little kisses against his jaw, slowly stroking him, pulling a frustrated growl from somewhere deep in his chest. 

He clawed at Jim’s shoulders, threading his hand through Jim’s hair and tugging back hard. More than anything, he was just trying to keep himself some semblance of centered. It wasn’t working very well. “Fucking hell. More, give me more. Give me your hands.”

Jim lifted his gaze, meeting Corey’s eyes, staring at him blankly. 

“Please.”

The grip around Corey’s cock let up and he groaned again at the loss of friction. It was gonna take next to nothing to make him fall apart. Callused fingers fingers slip up his torso and caught on his bottom lip, still kissed and swollen. “I’ll do that for you, but you might have to remind me how you earned it.”

Corey barely let him finish before he had his lips wrapped around two digits, working his tongue along them. He held onto Jim’s wrist, forcing them back and making himself gag hard. At this point, he didn’t care what it took. Besides, it was either keep his mouth busy or run it anyway. He flashed a look back up at Jim, batting his lashes and making sure to give him a little show before finally pulling off and kissing his fingertips. Is that wasn’t enough, then he didn’t know what the fuck would be.

And thank fucking buddha Jim’s mouth was enveloping his own just a moment later, one of his thighs being pushed back for a better angle and some leverage as Jim’s other hand slid between his legs. Slick fingers pressed against his entrance, drawing a pathetic noise from his throat, his legs twitching in eager anticipation. 

The first eased in, sunk home, and Corey could have sworn he saw the light in that moment. Glitter and gold and pearly gates, fluffy white clouds, and giant fucking bearpaw hands that were holding his entire fucking being in their palms. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to that— Jim being that big. I mean sure, his dick alone could take out a whole city easily, but it was all of him. Limbs and chest and hips and hands. Oh good god, his hands. Say what you want about how dumb and awkward he was otherwise, but he always knew exactly what he was doing with his hands. 

[HE DO BE LANKY AND AWKWARD. Also I still can’t help but think of how weird his hands are. Like they’re so SMALL in proportion to the rest of him but they’re still HUGE. James what the fuck is that shit.]

 Corey moaned into the mouth locked with his own as Jim started to pump in and out of him, the stretch nearly impossible feeling for just one finger. Maybe it was that he was already desperate, ready to burst, that had him so beyond himself. Maybe it was just the fact that Jim knew exactly how to poke and prod to make him start to come apart at the seams. 

He started to relax more, lean into it (or as best as he could with the weight on top of him.) Steady chants of ‘yes, yes, yes, more, fuck’ swarmed around whatever little bubble they’d been encapsulated in. Corey practically had Jim in a chokehold, holding him down as close as he could possibly get, foreheads pressed together. Completely and totally consumed. 

Another finger worked inside him, curling and twisting and scissoring him open, making him flutter around them and writhe to find just the right— 

“There, there. Don’t you dare stop. Holy shit.” Corey cried out, arching up off the mattress, holding onto Jim for dear life. “So fucking good. Feels so fucking good.”

Jim brushed his fingertips against Corey’s walls again, hitting that sweet spot and eliciting another borderline embarrassing moan. “Yeah, that’s it. Not so tough like this, are you? Fight so hard to get what you want and you still come undone for me just the same. Real good when you want to be, y’know.”

Whatever Corey wanted to say came out in an incoherent mumble— something something for you and something something damn lucky. His orgasm was already twisting and burning in the pit of his stomach, and his was still only very loosely tied to this realm. Beyond taken and fucked up and he loved every minute of it. 

[Fighting to the very end, even with fingers in his ass. Just shut up already you stupid slut.]

He couldn’t take his eyes off Jim as he wormed his way out of his grasp, sat back, spread his legs a little wider apart. He leaned down, and Corey was vaguely aware of him spitting before he felt like he was being properly split in two. A third digit joined the other two. God, it was almost too much. Impossibly full and tight and overwhelming, all thanks to James and his inhumanely big hands that were surely going to be Corey’s cause of death here one of these days. 

Corey couldn’t even breathe now, squeaking out another little plea for more, honed in on Jim like a deer in headlights. He knotted his hands up in the sheets, finally able to roll his hips and fuck himself against Jim’s hand without him pinning him in place. The blood rushing through his ears still wasn’t quite loud enough to drown out Jim’s encouragement— “So good, so pretty, look at you, perfect little slut. All mine. Come on baby, let me see you come.” 

That alone was enough to make Corey’s eyes roll back in his head, but one last perfect angle of his hips was what finally sent him over the edge. He came so hard his vision went fuzzy, limbs giving out as he spilled over his stomach and cried out, “Oh god, fuck daddy.”

[THERE IT IS. One of the terrible influences who shall not be named popped into my DMs like “Consider: unnegotiated honorary in a moment of carnal horny and then Jim just straight up CACKLES” and I was like well. Guess That’s Getting Throw In The Pile Too.] 

There was a minute of blank, overwhelmed and far away and completely beyond himself. Jim milked him through it, still working his fingers in and out as the aftershocks made him twitch and whimper, until he started to come back down again. Actually, the only thing that snapped him back to the here and now was realizing that Jim was laughing. Not just laughing, giggling like a goddamn school girl. 

You had to be fucking kidding. 

Corey reached out, attempting to smack him but missing entirely. “Fuck’s so funny?”

“Daddy? Dude. You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding right?” Jim dissolved into another fit of laughter, eyes scrunched up in a big grin. 

“Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth now. You don’t get to hold the shit I say when I come against me.” Corey huffed, sitting up on his elbows and trying to scoot away. Unlucky for him, Jim was still big enough to lean over him again and still be eye level. 

He pushed Corey’s hair back, pressing a kiss to his lips with a deep chuckle. “Quit your whining. You alright?”

Corey rolled his eyes, collapsing with a sigh and (albeit begrudgingly) circling his arms around Jim’s neck. “Mmm, peachy. Just shut up and cuddle me, you fucking demon. And you tell no one about that.”

[ANYWAY. This fic took me like three wholeass months or something so I hope it was worth it. There’s also a coinciding playlist that goes with this beast if you click on the AO3 link back at the top. Thank you for reading this disaster.] 

[thetriggeredhappy]

trucks & vans 47 and/or 62 ?

hurt/comfort time with these two nerds. buckle in for some hurt. (warnings, i’m serious, this is heavy angst. warnings for symptoms of various mental health issues, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, and some somewhat sloppy comfort.)

47.) “I can take care of myself just fine.”

62.) “Please shut up. Just shut up.”

The Engineer was a man who solved problems in a way that was both practical and efficient. Medic was overworked and reaching his breaking point on the field when minor injuries apparently called for full health kits, teammates therefore leaving him to die, so Engie prototyped the dispenser. Heavy expressed frustration over having to run laboriously across the whole battlefield only to be left to die in thirty seconds once he got to the point, so Engie broke the seal on more of his grandfather’s designs and made teleporters. When carpal tunnel struck and he failed to give it proper rest, eventually making his writing hand all but useless, he replaced it with a mechanical one that wouldn’t betray him, parts replaceable just in case it did.

People were trickier. Issues residing in the category of “emotions” were much more nuanced, much more difficult to sift through for answers. Nobody—not even the Medic—could blueprint the human mind, after all. (That wasn’t to say Engie didn’t try.)

Frankly, he didn’t know how to help Sniper. He just didn’t. But he tried to do what he could, what Sniper would tolerate.

Most of the time, that involved setting aside a plate for Sniper at dinner, wrapping it in foil when the man didn’t turn up. Making a full pot of coffee in the morning and leaving it out for Sniper to pick up when he finally showed up in the base. Idly offering to do some work on his van when he could hear it struggling to sputter to life, offering him one of his own beers from the cooler he brought over when he went to do the work. It involved leaving invitations, giving Sniper opportunities to visit with him, to see him, to be near each other, but never, ever forcing him.

And then break came, and on the first night, when everyone had long cleared out, he saw Sniper’s van still parked where it always was, lights on.

He made enough dinner for both of them, wrapping it and putting it in the fridge. He made the extra half-pot of coffee. The plates remained untouched. The coffee went cold. The light stayed on, and never once, in all the time Engie spent working in the garage, in full view in case Sniper wanted to walk over and maybe snatch up one of Engie’s beers, did he see the man leave the camper.

Day three, it was something lingering in his mind. Day four, it was starting to get a bit worrying. Day five, he couldn’t help but glance over fairly often. Day six, he was filled with outright concern, and finally cracked on the seventh, went over to the van, knocked on the door.

Engie was a polite man, but an honest one too, and so he wouldn’t be afraid to say that Sniper looked like absolute hell. His hair, usually slicked back with gel to keep out of his face, hung scraggly around his jaw, which was coated in an uneven layer of stubble. He had dark circles like bruises, eyes bloodshot, and a pale pallor to his skin.

“What?” he asked in a horribly hoarse voice, and it was suddenly apparent that Sniper hadn’t spoken a single word in at least a week, and Engie felt a pang in his chest.

“Just came out to check up on you, Slim,” Engie said. He glanced Sniper over again, and that nickname rang uncomfortably true. The way his shirt hung on him almost seemed… “You haven’t been in the kitchen. I wondered if… if you’ve been eating.”

Sniper shrugged casually in a way that didn’t at all answer the question.

“…Why don’t we head out and get ourselves a meal?” Engie asked, keeping his tone bright, positive. “Dinner, somewhere that serves nothin’ that don’t come with a bucket’s worth of grease. My treat.”

Sniper shrugged again, not meeting his gaze. “Sorry, Truckie. Don’t think I’ll make good company just now. Awful tired. Raincheck, maybe,” he mumbled, voice awfully rough, almost pained.

Engie was eyeing Sniper’s shirt. It seemed wrinkled, and sat almost awkwardly. As if it had been hastily donned. The buttons were misaligned. Sniper held himself awkwardly.

“What were you doing before I came over here, Slim?” Engie asked, voice level, keeping his expression neutral, already almost positive that he knew.

“Nothing,” Sniper said.

Engie just looked at him.

“Raincheck,” Sniper repeated, moving to close the door.

Engie shoved his boot in the door before he could do so, expression hardening at the light, almost imperceptible wince Sniper had made when he’d moved his arm. “Slim, you can make this an awful lot easier on yourself if you just let me in so we can talk,” he said, tone low.

Sniper looked at him for a few seconds. A few more. Finally he exhaled, hung his head, and took a step back to allow Engie entry.

The door closed behind him, Engie leaned against it, arms crossed, regarding Sniper, expression stone cold. “Show me,” he said simply.

Sniper fidgeted with his cuffs. “Show you what?” he asked, a last-ditch attempt.

“What you’ve done. Show me,” Engie said, not giving Sniper even an inch.

Sniper seemed to realize he was cornered, but hesitated regardless. “You’ll be mad,” he tried.

“I’m already mad. I’ll be less mad if you show me,” Engie replied evenly.

Sniper’s hand went to one of the buttons on his shirt carefully, and he set about undoing them.

His undershirt was exposed, a simple white tank, and then Sniper stopped again for a few seconds. He wouldn’t meet Engie’s eye. Already Engie felt concern eating a hole into his stomach at how thin Sniper seemed to have gotten in such a short amount of time.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

Engie’s expression faltered for a moment before he set his jaw again. “Just show me already,” he said firmly.

Sniper’s gaze locked on the floor, and he shrugged out of his shirt, and Engie felt his heart stop.

“Oh, Slim,” he breathed, a lump catching in his throat, and Sniper squeezed his eyes shut.

Sniper’s arms (his forearms in particular) were red and blotchy, skin irritated and inflamed, bright red trails scoring their way up and down the skin there. It was only as Sniper went to clutch at his arms, as if trying to hide, that Engie suddenly noticed the small amounts of blood there under Sniper’s nails, the light smears where he’d scratched at himself hard enough to bleed, places where clearly the wounds had started to scab only to be scratched away again.

He set his jaw, clenching it hard to fight back waves of upset. Sniper still wouldn’t look at him.

He moved to take Sniper by the shoulders, guiding him to sit at the little table. He went to dig through one of the cabinets, finding a first aid kit without much issue.

“When’d you do this?” Engie asked sharply, starting to unzip it and sift through the contents.

Sniper hesitated for a moment. “A bit yesterday, day before. A bit just before you showed up,” he replied with a nervousness that admitted honesty.

“Arms out,” Engie said next, ripping open a pad and drawing the alcohol wipe from it.

Sniper clutched his arms towards himself. “I can take care of myself just fine,” he said firmly.

Engie gave him a glare hard enough that Sniper only surrendered after a moment, holding out one of his arms.

He bit back sounds of pain, head tipped low to try and hide the way he was flinching with each swipe. Engie worked his way over the whole of Sniper’s forearm, then opened another packet for his biceps, which seemed like it’d been scratched at fewer times, but more severely.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, so terribly weak, so horribly fragile, the most stubborn and stoic man Engie knew reduced practically to tears, falling apart right in front of him.

“Please shut up. Just shut up,” Engie said, trying and failing to keep the frustration out of his tone. He started spooling gauze a bit loosely around Sniper’s forearms. He had to take a moment to compose himself. “Damn it Slim, how’d you let it get this bad? My doors have been open. They’ve been open this whole time.”

“I’m sorry,” Sniper said again, quieter now.

Engie didn’t reply to that, just tying off the gauze tightly and moving to make another sleeve on Sniper’s bicep.

The process was repeated on Sniper’s other arm. “You never have told me why you do this,” Engie finally said, despite the part of him that didn’t want to know, scared that it might just make some kind of sense.

Sniper shook his head to himself. “I get… caught, in my own head,” he managed, voice choked. “Can’t think. Start feelin’… paranoid. Keep thinkin’ I hear someone behind me. That I see movement. That I…” He had to take a steadying breath. “That I feel something crawling on me. On my arms especially. And I just… I try and scratch it off, scratch the feeling away. And then all at once I look down and I’ve done this. It’s worse when there’s scabbing.”

Engie finished wrapping his arms, moving to use the wipes to try and carefully clean out from under Sniper’s nails. “Have you tried showering? Something besides scratching to feel clear?”

“I’ve tried showering, yeah. Keep turning the water up until it burns me. Not better,” Sniper mumbled towards his shoes.

Engie moved to pull a few band-aids from the kit, starting to slice along the sticky part, and to wrap the band-aids over Sniper’s fingertips snugly.

Sniper watched him doing so, and suddenly understood what he was doing, why he’d wrapped his arms in gauze like that, why he was putting soft material over his fingertips. He released a dry sob, hunching forward to bury his face in Engie’s shoulder as he worked, humiliated, upset, grief-stricken.

Halfway through his other hand, Sniper finally spoke. “I’m a fuckin’ lunatic, Truckie,” he choked out, breath shaky as he tried to repress tears.

“No, you’re not,” Engie answered calmly. “You’re just a man, a scared one. And that’s alright. The part that’s not alright is you locking yourself away and hurtin’ yourself.”

Engie finished wrapping him up to make sure he didn’t cause any further injury, and moved to hold him, carefully so as not to accidentally irritate his wounds further.

“I’m sorry I got so frustrated,” he finally apologized. “I just… I know it ain’t a very good excuse, but really. I hate knowin’ you’ve gone and hurt yourself because you’re still scared to talk to me. What do I gotta do to get you to talk to me next time things get this bad? What do you still need from me?”

“I dunno. I just—I dunno. I’m sorry,” he insisted, pushing in closer.

“I know,” Engie said, holding him, all too aware of how quickly Sniper could begin to break. “I know. It’s alright.”

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

New Years Eve

Summary: When the evil little voice in the readers head gets its way, she leaves the New Years Eve party Tony has thrown. It isnt until Bucky finds her all alone that they both face feelings they’ve been running away from. 

Word Count: 3035

Authors note: I’m sorry this is so rushed!! I’m sick and dealing with a lot right now in my personal life, but I’m trying my best! 

Optional song pairing: New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift 

**if you guys reblog/comment on my fics there’s now a 110% chance I’d die for you**

You let out a sigh as you finally sat down upon the marble steps. For some reason how beautiful the building was only fueled your anger. You cursed Tony, of course he’d host a party in a place that practically looked like a palace.

Tonight was meant to be magical, but it felt anything but. It was New Years Eve, and you were at one of the most extravagant hotels New York had to offer, but it was five minutes until the ball dropped and you were sitting all alone.

This year had absolutely sucked so it only seemed fit it would end in the same suckish manner. Thinking things over you couldn’t help but hear Nat’s voice, she’d be cursing you right now.

Nat would ask how you could be dressed to the tens sitting all alone, and she’d call you on your bullshit. You had wanted tonight to be different, and you’d tried your best, but there wasn’t music loud enough to drown out the voice in your head.

It didn’t matter that you were wearing a sheer, rose gold-glitter gown that looked like something out of a disney film. It didn’t matter that you were wearing rose gold shoes with detailed gold petals and vines wrapped around the heels.

To your mind it was all just a disguise, a beautiful lie. The voice in your head told you that you were plus size, and that nothing could make that beautiful. You felt like a piece of coal in a room full of diamonds.

So that’s why you left the party, you left because you knew you didn’t belong. It was best to get out before everyone else found out, because as awful as the voice inside your head was you could never bear hearing those thoughts spoken by real life people.

“Hey (y/n) there you are! I’ve been looking for you”.

You picked your head up and followed the voice, immediately wishing you hadn’t. As awful as you felt, you knew you needed to mask your feelings. So you put on a smile and tried to sound convincing.

“Well here I am James, but aren’t you missing the party?”.

As much as you loved seeing Bucky, you needed him to leave as quickly as he had come. Given your current state you didn’t think your heart could bare seeing him. He reminded you of everything you wanted, but you knew you would never have.

You felt god was taunting you as Bucky sat down next to you. His smile was so inviting, “Trust me doll, you’re a thousand times better than a room of stubborn rich punks and fame obsessed dames”.

He was making things so painful for you without even realizing. Bucky was just so effortlessly beautiful, from the way he carried himself to the way his smile made you feel like you were floating on a cloud.

It was clear that he was the sun and if you spent too long next to him you’d burn. As much as it pained you, you got up from the stairs. As you stood you began to fidget with your necklace, your body fighting against his clear gravitational pull.

You tried to sound convincing, “Well don’t worry about me James, I’m just down here getting some fresh air”. Every word you said was a lie, you were all alone because you couldn’t be in a room of happy, beautiful people.

As he spoke he loosened his tie, and for some reason it made you desire him even more. Bucky laughed softly, “I don’t know how fresh the air is here, Stark said this building is like a hundred years old”.

Continuing the act you forced out a small laugh, hoping it would distract from your aching heart. You thought the talking to him would make it painful given how you felt about him, but the silence was even worse.

You were just left staring at a man who looked like an angel in a suit, and it made your desperation grow. Once again you told him, “Then it’s best you get air poisoning or whatever upstairs with everyone else than with me down here”.

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “Are you trying to get rid of me (y/n)?”. He asked with a smile on his face, which made things only worse. Your heart wanted him to stay, but the little voice in your head wanted him to leave.

He was beautiful, as the voice in your head told you, you weren’t. So no matter what your heart said, you could never have him. Why would a rose want an average garden weed?

Fighting the urge to say yes you lied and told him, “No...it’s just I feel bad. I mean you’re missing the party! I bet Steve’s looking for you or Wanda or-”. Now you were rambling, and that was dangerous.

But as Wanda’s name left your lips it stung, you were forced to remember how cozy her and Bucky had looked during the last debriefing. They’d sat next to each other, drawing little things on eachothers memos, barely holding back their laughter.

You loved Wanda, and that was why it hurt. You couldn’t deny that she was just as beautiful as Bucky, and more deserving than you would ever be. So the moment you had said her name was the moment you began to crumble.

Bucky stood up, “Did something happen tonight (y/n)?”. For a second you wondered why he’d ask such a thing, but then you felt the familiar sensation of tears beginning to form. You stepped back and tried to build yourself back up.

“No nothing happened, trust me I’m okay, you don’t have to-”

No matter what you said he still walked toward you and pretty soon you’d backed into an abandoned concierge desk, the marble of the desk cold against your exposed back. Now there was nowhere to hide.

Bucky took a step back, “Doll you can tell me anything”. He’d just wanted to help, but he had no idea that would only make things worse. How could you tell him what was wrong, when the problem was how much you loved him?

He spoke softly, “Please (y/n) I hate seeing you upset”. You wanted to cry as his voice was nearly a whisper, it was painfully clear how sincere he was. God, how could you continue to lie to yourself?

The man you loved most was standing before you begging you to tell him the truth. There was no way out of this. You let out a sigh, tonight would have to be the night. You told yourself that if things went bad you’d forget all this and force Tony to send you on some mission to Antartica or Space.

Your voice was barely above a whisper as you confessed, “It’s you James..it’s always been you”. As you were only answered with silence you thought over the idea of moving out of the tower and moving in with Wade.

Bucky stepped closer to you, “What’s wrong with that (y/n)”. As he looked to you with a smile across his face you realized he didn’t understand. You felt your heart shattering by the second.

“I’m what’s wrong with that. Someone like you could never love someone like me”.

It was a miracle that you've managed to hold back your tears, but maybe that’s just because you knew living in the mirror dimension was always a possibility. Doctor Strange had always been nothing but nice to you, so why wouldn’t he let you live out the last of your days in some freaky portal?

Finally Bucky had cut through the silence, “Someone like me? Someone like you?”. He was trying to understand where you were coming from and what you’d meant. You’d been so lost in your own head that you hadn’t even picked up on the fact that he’d neglected the love part.

You turned your head to the side, “I’m not like other girls James..I’m not as beautiful as them..and you can have anyone...you can have the most beautiful girl on the planet with the snap of your fingers”.

As you confessed your deepest truths you couldn’t bare to look at him. You were being brutally honest, finally saying out loud what you’d told yourself for years, and it was soul-crushing.

“Why do you find the beauty in everyone but yourself (y/n)? Why is it so easy for you to see someone like me, someone who’s killed without hesitation and ruined so many lives in the process, how can you see me as beautiful but you can’t see the beauty within yourself?”

His words forced you to finally look at him, and you were surprised to see the pain in his eyes. Bucky took another step toward you, “I know what it’s like to have a voice in your head that tells you you’re the most undeserving soul there is”.

Bucky was all too familiar with self-hatred, and for the past couple of years it had kept him awake at night. It had fueled his most painful nightmares, it had made him want to give up, but with the help of his friends he had given his heart a more powerful voice.

“But you have to realize that it’s just a voice, it’s not real (y/n). Those things you tell yourself aren’t the things that other people think, I know you’ve convinced yourself that they are, but they aren't”.

Your surprise grew as he took your hands in his, and you could feel his emotions pouring out from him. Bucky meant every word that he’d said, and he wanted you to know. He wanted to be the person that broke you from your trance.

“Listen to my voice okay? Listen to me. I love you. I’ve loved you since that night at Mel’s after your first mission, remember that night? Some drunk idiot told Wanda that she should go mess up her own country for a change and without hesitation you punched the punk right in the face”.

Bucky began to laugh as he remembered things. In that moment you had been just like Steve; walking up to the biggest bully and handing their ass to ‘em.  He knew it was cliche to say that he had fallen in love with a person in one single moment, but it was true.

You felt your hands begin to tremble in his as your brain tried to comprehend what was happening. Slowly and softly you asked, “You love me?”. This whole thing felt like a dream, too good to be true.

Breathlessly he said, “Yes”. Once again you parted your lips to speak but nothing came out. For so long your heart had yearned to hear those words, but you’d never dreamed that it would actually happen.

As you stood there in silence the noise from the party seemed to get louder. The both of you could suddenly hear nearly a hundred people counting down to the New Year. It was clear that the moment was building, and you could both feel it.

As it was now down to the last few seconds Bucky embraced his boldness. Taking charge he cupped your face, delicately rubbing your cheeks with his thumbs. His face was inches from yours and you felt like a moth drawn to a flame.

3...

2...

1...

Knowing words wouldn’t be enough to explain how you felt, you shut off the voice in your head and allowed your heart to take charge. With a smile across your face you leaned forward and finally kissed him.

His lips tasted faintly of champagne, and his hands had somehow managed to hold you both firmly and delicately. Just as you had always known in your heart, you felt both safe and free in his arms.

You pulled back only to catch your breath, the both of you panting from the climax of months of tension finally flooding forward. Bucky smirked as he watch you bring your fingers to your lips, touching them softly as if you could still feel the electricity of the kiss.

“Happy New Year doll” he teased. Bucky couldn’t believe how adorable you looked in this moment, as if kissing him was the most magical thing you’d done all life. Once again, you neglected to see your own magic, but he was working on that.

You felt the heat rising to your cheeks, “I know it’s fucking obvious, but I love you”. You felt butterflies in your stomach as the words left your lips. Bucky was looking at you like no one ever had before, and for the first time in your life you knew what it felt like to be desired.

Now that you were starting to get more comfortable, Bucky was keen on teasing you. Besides, he loved how flustered it made you. He wiggled his eyebrows, “Hmm (y/n) I still like to hear it though”.

Now you began to laugh, “I love you James”. Although he was teasing you, hearing you confess your love for him did have an affect on him. Bucky couldn’t get over how magical it felt to have such a beautiful girl want him.

You’d been right, you weren’t like other girls and you never would be. You would always have an affect on him that no other girl could have. He felt like a giddy teenager, “Well should we go back-”.

It was your turn to tease him, “You said it yourself, it’s much more fun down here”. You felt your heart skip a beat as you watched him seductively bite his lip. Softly you added, “James you are trouble”.

Bucky held your gaze, “Doll you’re not so innocent either”. Unable to face the fact that the closest thing to an angel earth had just told you that you were too seductive for your own good, you looked down at your feet.

By placing his hand delicately below your chin, he lifted your head up and forced your eyes to meet. More softly he confessed, “You look so beautiful tonight (y/n)..like what a princess wishes they looked like...the second you walked into the party I just-”.

Playfully you hit his chest, “James”. If he continued to confess things like that you wouldn’t be able to control yourself. He smiled, “I felt my heart leap from my chest”. Bucky didn’t care how cheesy he sounded.

He knew you’d spent too many years hating yourself so he was determined to cancel out the evil voice in your head, and hopefully he’d get you to see just how beautiful you were. Bucky wanted you to love yourself, because he knew you deserved to.

So what you were plus size? Women weren’t meant to fit some mold, they were meant to be women. He didn’t accept your body, he loved it, because bodies don’t need approval either. When it comes to the way someone looks, there’s no right or wrong, there’s just love.

He’d had enough of society and it’s stupid demands and standards. Bucky had watched pre-serum Steve beat himself up for years because he didn’t “fit the mold” and it had driven him mad.

No one should feel that they’re not the right shape, that they’re too tall or that their complexion is too dark, people should be able to worship themselves for who they are. So, Bucky was hell bent on getting you to see yourself as the beautiful woman you were.

He wanted you to know why he loved you, so maybe you would start to realize the ways in which you loved yourself. Bucky knew it would take time, and he knew he’d have to take things slow, but he craved making you feel accepted and loved.

You weren’t sure of what to say, and to be honest you were using all your energy to hold yourself back from jumping his bones right in the middle of the hotel lobby. So instead you decided to grab your phone and play a song.

“James there’s a thousand things I want to say, but my mind is a little jumbled right now, I mean no one’s ever kissed me like that or ever made me feel so beautiful before-”.

For a moment you paused, you could feel yourself beginning to blush. You wondered if Bucky knew that this was a moment you’d remember for the rest of your life.

He took your hand in his and brought it to his lips kissing it. Bucky smirked as he watched you react to his touch, god you had no idea what was in store. He had caught on to your little plan, “Come here doll”.

After pressing play you moved closer toward him, letting him once again take your hand in his. Placing a hand on your waist Bucky pulled your body closer to his, loving how it felt to hold you so close.

As he heard the song begin to play he smiled, “You picked my favorite huh?”. You mind began to flood with memories of sunday mornings spent cleaning the tower. Bucky and Steve would always play old songs, and fight over who was the better dancer.

You licked your lips, “Just trying to see if you’re as good a dancer as you say”.  In response he spung you out from him, and immediately pulled you back in. Leaning forward he whispered in your ear, “Doll you have no idea how good I am”.

There was no doubt that his words had a double meaning, and their second meaning made your breath hitch. Bucky pretended that your sudden heavy breathing was because the dancing, and not because your mind was drifting to exactly where his was.

Bucky placed a soft kiss on your collarbone and continued to dance with you in his arms. He closed his eyes and let the music calm the pounding of his heart, because the woman of his dreams was finally within arms reach and it was more magical than he’d ever imagined.

please if you enjoyed this, reblog or comment! It’s like giving me a virtual hug and a nice “don’t give up!”

[dregstrash]

Nina and Zoya for angst. Zoya is kind of shit to Nina and I’d just like a confrontation scene where Zoya hears about Hanne and tries to tell Nina that she’s being dumb again. Then Nina just gets fed up with everything Zoya ever said and Nina is like “hey bitch I ain’t worthless” and Zoya is like “lol I’m too tired to deal with you right now” and then Nina goes “aw hell nah” and they fight and then Zoya realizes what an ass she’s been.

All my best ideas come when I’m procrastinating. And I’ve been watching a lot of angsty movies lately, so I wanna answer this one. Thanks for sending this in anon!

Zoya remembered the first time she saw Nina’s Fjerdan– well she supposed the other one. The big hulk of a man that had the bearing of a large bear and reminded her to much of the Druskelle that have helped to imprison and torture countless of Grisha. Oh how she had wanted to lash out at Nina at the spot. To demand an answer for sleeping with the enemy, but Genya was there. And she was never in the mood for one of Genya’s lectures about taking it easy on her.

She held her tongue that first time, even offered an olive branch by letting her know it would be okay if he sought refuge in Ravka. 

But look where that led her: a broken heart, an even more reckless spirit, and another Fjerdan in tow– and not just some Fjerdan because Nina had to be the best at everything, even when it came to poor choices of companions. 

“Are you feeling well, Zenik?” Zoya snapped when Hanne was sent away to the rooms accommodated for her. Of course, Zoya didn’t hide the fact she had also assigned her guards to keep a close eye on her. Nina’s eyes had flashed and Hanne’s cheeks had flushed a deep red. 

“What-”

“How is it that one dead Fjerdan wasn’t enough to get it through your thick skull that they cannot be trusted, but you had to drag another one behind these walls.” Zoya continued crossing her arms firmly. They were in the throne room. Alone. Nikolai was off dealing with the other news that Nina brought back with her, leaving Zoya in charge of getting the details of their new Fjerdan captive– or refugee, though that remained to be seen.

Nina’s eyes dashed to the ground in shame and hurt. 

Good, Zoya thought. Because this was the only way she was going to learn. Nina was a talented Grisha, one of the best Corporalkis and tailors that Ravka had. She was too young to be thrown so deeply into this war, and if she wasn’t more careful she was going to get herself killed. That was a death that Zoya would not allow. 

“Even worse.” Zoya continued her voice a cool steel against the silence, “You don’t come back with any type of Fjerdan, but the daughter of Jarl Brum. Tell me, Nina, what exactly is it about Jarl Brum’s special projects that have you so weak at the knees? Is it the fact they were raised by a madman or the fact that you have no self control and that you feel the need to save every lost Fjerdan?”

“She-she’s a Grisha.” Nina choked out. She met Zoya’s surprised gaze. Her green eyes lined with tears. “She’s a Corporalki and she just needed training like–”

“Nina!” Zoya snapped louder this time. “You’ve been gone for half a year, and you only now bring her back now! Why didn’t you come sooner? You don’t know the first thing about training Grisha. And even worse, you’re no longer a true Corporalki. Not since your battle with Parem. What gives you the right to wait this long to bring her here. Why didn’t–”

“Weren’t you just getting mad at me for bringing back a Fjerdan?” She snapped even louder. Her voice had stopped quavering and now it carried a fury that Zoya had never heard from her, “Now you’re upset that I hadn’t brought her back sooner? I ask that you make up your mind, General because it’s getting harder to understand what other wrong thing you’re going to throw at my feet.”

Zoya opened her mouth to retort, but Nina continued on louder than before, “I’m not the same girl who you let be captured by Fjerdans, Zoya. I have survived the worst streets of Ketterdam. I broke into the Ice Court while you were still trying to figure out how they had been producing their weapons. I helped con three countries, stole millions of kruge, battle with a drug that has taken half the lives of the entire population of Grisha, and had to watch the love of my life die in my arms. You have no right to speak to me as if I am a child playing with a toy gun. I am a spy of Ravka. The best one you’ve got, and I deserve some saintsdamned respect.”

“Respect?” Zoya scoffed despite the iron rod that was poking at her earlier anger. Nina did have a point, but it was also no excuse. She had no regard for safety, protocol, or order. She wasn’t ready, it was a miracle she hadn’t died a million times by now. “I don’t have the time or energy to explain to you how to earn respect, Zenik. For leaving your country to follow a Fjerdan boy and as soon as you are welcomed back home you go and abandon an active mission and then proceed to follow a Fjerdan girl is not high on my list of things to earn my respect. Now, leave me.” She flicked a wrist in dismissal, “I’m growing tired of this arguing. The king can deal with you how he wishes.”

Nina didn’t move. Her hands curled into fists and her face got red with fury.

“No.” Nina gritted. “This isn’t an argument, General. This is you not being able to take me seriously. And for what? Just because I don’t do what you want?”

Because I care. The words were on the tip of Zoya’s tongue, but she bit them down. Not like she had a chance to because at a small movement of Nina’s finger a sliver of a bone fragment came at her at a scary speed. It was a good thing Zoya had been practicing with Juris because it wasn’t long before the fragment turned to ash with her fire and the dust swirled around the air. That is before the ashes of the bone continued its path towards her and Zoya was forced to call a gale of wind to disperse the particles. 

Nina’s face twisted in surprise as she saw Zoya’s new powers. But the fury in her eyes only increased. It would have been easy for Zoya to put an end to this. Her Corporalki abilities still needed work, but she knew enough to slow hearts, but part of her wanted this fight. Part of her wanted to show Nina how grossly underprepared she was. Or maybe part of her was finally ready to see how good Nina had gotten– to at least be proven wrong she could actually take care of herself.

Nina’s hands came up and with it came a whole army of bone shards that had been hidden in her clothing. Zoya’s hands twitched, trying to get ready for the attack.

“ENOUGH!” Nikolai’s voice boomed through the empty space, scaring both women out of their battle heat. 

She didn’t turn to watch him stride towards them, but she felt his anger all the same. Nina, at least, had the sense to look sheepish. 

“Miss Zenik,” Nikolai stopped when he reached Zoya’s shoulder. His voice was tight with authority. “I could have you charged with treason for attacking your general.” Nina looked down at the floor, but Zoya didn’t miss the way her hand clenched. “But as it were, the information you brought back from Fjerda is invaluable, and I am not risking the loss of your service.” Nina’s eyes widened in surprise at the veiled compliment, but Nikolai didn’t wait for her gratitude to settle. “You are dismissed until you are needed again. Your quarters in the Little Palace are all arranged and I suggest you keep to yourself at least for now.”

With a short bow to her king and a slammed door, Nina left. Allowing a heavy silence to descend upon Zoya and Nikolai. 

“You need to apologize to her.” Nikolai said from beside her, and Zoya scoffed disgustingly. 

“Are you ordering me?” She said, her anger at Nina still burning in her blood.

Her king stepped in front of Zoya, forcing her to look at the grave expression on his face. “This is your personal business, Zoya. But it doesn’t do well for morale when you willingly let soldiers attack you with the sole intent of ripping them apart.”

“I wasn’t going to rip her apart.” She defended.

“You still haven’t forgiven me for sending her to Fjerda,” He clasped his hands behind his back in some form of kingly posture, “But I wonder if you would have forgiven yourself if you had actually come close to doing that.”

Zoya’s silence betrayed her answer. 

“That’s what I thought,” Nikolai continued. He turned around briefly to where Nina had disappeared. “Nina was right, Zoya. She isn’t the same child we had sent out all those months ago. She is a soldier that deserves your respect, just as much you deserve hers. And that won’t happen unless you apologize.”

The growing amount of guilt that started to rest on her stomach only increased with every word from Nikolai’s mouth. And her hands twitched for another fight. 

Nikolai gave her one last meaningful look to make sure she properly heard him before starting to walk away.

“You have a great capacity to care for people, General. And while I am accustomed to the way you express it, others are not.” 

Zoya watched Nikolai’s back disappear behind the same set of doors Nina exited and she sighed in resignation. 

She had to swallow her pride just this once. Because if she didn’t Nina could just end up doing something else more stupid– like become as hardened as Zoya.

[bri206]

Back From the Future

They had been in 2019 for two days now, and Mia and William had already interacted with her younger self.  They had tried to get her to leave the old foundry, that was home to her the first couple years of her life with Team Arrow. But she insisted that she stay undercover, and they seemed to drop it, up until now.

Footsteps get louder and louder, as two people walk down to the foundry.

“He knows we’re hiding something.”

“Mia’s right, dad isn’t  completely trusting us, which I can’t blame him, we are his children from the future. And at the moment he only knows one of us.”

“Alright Golden Boy, no need to wipe it in my face that I didn’t get to grow up without our father.”

“I wasn’t implying that at all-” William says raising his hands in surrender.

“Don’t think I won’t punch you in that pretty face of yours.” Mia says sizing her brother up.

“That’s enough” Felicity says quietly for the first time. “I’m almost done destroying Archer and we will be on our way.”

Mia takes her eyes off her brother and turns to her mother. “Mom, why won’t you see him? I’ve seen the way he treats you, the way he looks at you; he really loves you.”

Never taking her eyes off her monitor, her only gesture is the way her chin drops to her chest as she takes a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.

“Mom?”

Noticing Felicity’s closed off demeanor and knowing how hard it would be to see her husband, he steps in. “Mia, maybe we should-”

“No! Mom, what are you scared of? You have another chance, take it.”

“Mia, let’s go get something to eat.”

“But-”

“Go Mia. I’m almost done.” Felicity whispers.

With that Mia turns and goes up the stairs, hating that her mother wouldn’t open up to her. They always talked to each other, and now she felt like her mother was a completely different dimension away.

When the door shut, Felicity finally let the tears coast down her cheeks. She swore to herself that this mission was strictly just that, a mission. She would destroy Archer so that no one would get a hold of it in the future and that was that.

She was so lost in thought, that she didn’t even notice the shadowy figure in the corner of the room.

“So, you’re the big secret they’ve been keeping” he says in wonder.

The voice startles her, causing her hands to go over her heart.

“Oliver” she says startled and then stops and realizes what she just said.

“Felicity?” he asks in that soft voice that was only meant for her.

“Oliver” her face has gone completely pale, she was staring at the man she hadn’t seen in 20 years. The love of her life.

“You haven’t changed a bit.”

“These lines would say otherwise” she says rubbing her forehead in nervousness.

“I don’t believe that. You look just a beautiful as the day I met you.”

“You were always one with words” she says in awe.

He walks closer to her and she stands, just as he reaches her. Still not truly believing that he’s really here, she slowly lifts her hand to his face and when she makes contact, her whole body engulfs shudders in sobs. “Oliver”

Seeing her in this distraught state, he immediately takes her in his arms and bring her head to his chest and runs his fingers slowly across her back. These actions make her bawl harder, realizing that she hasn’t had this type of comfort in so long, the comfort she has longed for two decades.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok. I’m right here. You’re ok” he says not understanding what had caused her to get so upset.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something?”

Finally bringing her head up from his chest, she meets his eyes.

“No. You’ve done nothing wrong, it’s just so good to see you.”

Continuing to see the turmoil in her eyes and composure, he knows something very bad has happened.

“Felicity, what happened?”

Not wanting to say anything, in fear of changing the future, she stays quiet. But the little voice in her heart tells her something completely different. She wants to tell him. Because there is a part of her that is still angry with him for leaving her.

He waits, until he notices the way she stands taller and takes herself away from his body. Feeling the warmth leave the room, makes him know that something terrible happens.

“Which part do you want to know?”

“The part that has left you so..”

“Broken?”

“I wasn’t going to say that.”

“No, but it’s true. I am so incredibly broken, that there is no hope of me ever being mended back together.”

“Felicity, don’t say that-”

“You left.”

That statement stops him in his tracks. “What? No, I would never- I would NEVER leave you.”

“Maybe not in the way you think, but you still do.”

“I still don’t understand-”

She turns around and faces the space that once housed the infamous salmon ladder. “Were you ever going to tell me? About the deal?”

“Deal?”

“The deal you made with the Monitor. The one where you sacrificed your life for Barry and Kara.” Finally understanding what she’s talking about, he goes stock still. His world has stopped”

“I-”

She turns slowly to see his face in confusion, terror, and complete sadness.

“How did you find out?”

“That’s all you have to say? After everything we’ve been through, that’s the one question you want to ask?”

“I- I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“ANYTHING would have been better than finding out through Barry, that you were never coming back. That you chose them, over your family.”

“Felicity, it wasn’t like that” he says desperately.

“Really? Because it sure felt like you decided, YET AGAIN, if I might add, that you didn’t deserve this life.”

“Because I don’t” he says crestfallen.

“Oliver, I never understood, why after all these years, you still see yourself as that man that was alone on the island. You are not alone, you were never alone.”

Tears are streaming down his face at this point. “There was no other way”

“There is always another way.”

“Not this time. Felicity, Barry and Kara were going to die, and then what? This world would have lost two of the greatest heroes that have ever lived. I couldn’t let that happen.”

“No, but you could let your family suffer without you.”

“Felicity-”

“Let me ask you this, if he had made this proposition three months later, would your answer still have been the same?”

He hesitates, really thinking of the answer.

“I don’t-”

“You do know.”

“Felicity, they are the heroes this world needs, I’m not.”

“I don’t know why I bothered coming back, it’s not like I can change your fate or anything. Mia keeps asking me why I didn’t come see you and this is why. Because now I’ve gotten my hopes up only for them to be shattered. Do you want to know why I will never be mended? It’s because I will never love again, I haven’t loved or been loved in two decades. But it doesn’t matter because our daughter, she is a light in my life that I never thought I’d ever need. But even she doesn’t fill that gaping hole in my heart.”

“I am so sorry.”

“Leave. Get out of here. Just go.” He closes the large gap between them as she shouts her pain out to him. When he reaches her, he encases her in his arms once more and holds tight.

“I’m so sorry, Felicity. I love you. I love you so much.”

They both are sobbing their pain and regrets away, in one another's arms.

Neither notice the door opening and the two siblings walking into the painful reunion for their mother.

“Felicity, I am so sorry, and I understand why you hate me.”

She pulls back at that revelation.

“Oliver I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just don’t understand why you’d leave me. I thought that we were supposed to be happy. That we were supposed to be a family. We’d get our new beginning.”

“What if you could?”

The couple pull away from each other and turn to the new voice.

“Mia” Felicity says wiping away her tears.

“This is why you didn’t want to see him, wasn’t it?”

“Mia” she says trying again.

“Mom, I meant what I said earlier, we have second chance, let’s take it.”

“Mia, it’s not that simple-”

“Yes it is, we just stop him from dying, and everything will work out.”

Oliver’s body completely deflated.

“Mia, I think there’s more to the story that their not telling us.” William says for the first time.

“What more is there?”

“Mia, you can’t save me, my death, it’s imminent.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean.”

“It means that I made a deal with the devil, and I can’t get out of it.”

“You what? No. No, you die in a battle, a noble battle. Right mom? Tell him. Tell him!”

“I didn’t lie about the battle part, I just didn’t realize until later that it didn’t matter what the outcome was. You weren’t coming back regardless.”

“So your telling me, that you lied to me my entire life. That my dad isn’t a hero, he’s just a coward.”

“MIA. Your father is a hero” she meets his eyes, “he has always been a hero and he always will be.”

“There has to be a way to get out of this.” William pipes in, not wanting to accept with his sister that this was the end for his father.

“There isn’t William.”

“I just don’t understand, why you? Why not anyone else?”

“Because I’m the balance the universe needs. I represent good and bad.” Turning to look Felicity back in her blue eyes, he continues. “Which is why I couldn’t let Kara and Barry die, they are so good.”

“And so are you.”

“No Felicity, not like them.”

Felicity is about to protest when Mia responds desperately.

“What about the bad guy? What’s her name? Em, something.”

“Emiko, and no.”

“Why not? From everything that you said about her, she seems like she deserves that fate far more than you do.”

“Mia, I made a deal and I can’t go back on it.”

“Then the failure that they call Star City and this family is all your fault. Why can’t you choose us for once? Please. I would give anything. ANYTHING. To have you in my life, dad, please.”

Seeing the tears stream down his daughters cheeks, changes something in him. His need to be her father. He realizes in that moment that he needs to choose them over everything else. There is no other choice to make.

“I’m not sure he’ll take her”

“It’s worth a shot right?” William says.

“Yes. Yes it is.” He says looking Felicity in the eyes.

He had made up his mind, then and there, he was going to do things right this time, he was going to  choose his family first.

And that’s exactly what he did. After he defeated Emiko,days later, he somehow found a way to speak to the Monitor, after summoning him.

“This was not the deal.”

“I know, but some wise people reminded me that my time has not come yet and they need me.”

“So you bring your sister to me?”

“Hers has. I’m not sure if she is the balance you seek, but-”

“She’ll do.”

At that statement alone everything falls away and hope feels every cell of his body.

“But Mr. Queen, you must know, everyone’s time must come.”

“I know that, but mine hasn’t yet.”

“Agreed. You are noble man, Mr. Queen. Never forget that.”

And with one final nod, he disappears from the Monitor for good. Opening his eyes, he is met to Mia, William and Felicity.

“So? Did it work?” Mia asks anxiously.

“Yeah, it did.”

After everyone hugged him in excitement and appreciation, it was time to go home.

Felicity stayed behind for a second as William was preparing to open the portal.

“Thank you” she says cupping his cheek.

“No, thank you. I would have never been able to do this without you.”

“And NEVER forget that.”

With a smile and a final kiss, his future family disappears, for the better.

2040

When Mia, William, and Felicity open their eyes, they are in the home in the woods.

“We’re home?” Mia asks.

“Yeah, and it seems different.”

“Hey guys, did you hear me? Dinner’s ready. Lucas is already getting a head start, so I’d hurry if I were you. Don’t want to miss out on my famous meatballs.” he says with a wink.

When none of them move, Oliver tries again.

“Are you guys ok?”

“Dad” Mia asks with emotion.

“Hi Mia. Come here” he says opening his arms, and she crashes into his chest, and William soon follows.

“It actually worked” William says in awe.

“You sound surprised.” he says letting them go.

“No, it’s just really good to see you.”

“You too. Now I wasn’t kidding about Lucas eating all the meatballs, you better hurry up.”

And with that they head towards the kitchen.

“You’re here” Felicity whispers.

“Where else would I be? Is this everything you’d hoped for?”

“So much better”

And with a long lingering kiss, they embrace, and Felicity finally feels like she’s home.

[nomimits7]

Mission Bangtan | 3

Title: MISSION BANGTAN pt3

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Ratings: M {Fluff & angst}

Warnings: language. Future violence. Talk of abuse.  

Summary: As a professional eliminator you are ordered to get rid of Bangtan. A group of trained fighters hiding behind the mask of BTS. Your mission is successful until you get to know them. Will Y/N be able to complete the mission, or will she end up protecting her target from the real danger?

Authors notes; @feed-my-geek-soul thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu <3 

Standing in the front row your nerves are ever increasing. You have no idea what to expect or how a normal human reacts to these types of situations. Do you scream? Do you cry or jump up? After observing two nearby fangirls you decided to just go with the flow. None of these strange feelings and emotions makes any sense to you. For the first time in your existence you don’t know what to do. You try and stay focused on the mission, but this seems impossible.

The lights dim, and for some or other odd reason you are excited to see these seven men again. Music starts rumbling through the speakers, lights start flashing and everyone starts going crazy with anticipation. You don’t know what to do but soon you find yourself screaming and going insane alongside the rest of the fans. The first song comes on and you recognize it as one of the songs on the album. One by one the seven appear on stage. Their voices entrance you, every movement, every wink, every grin, every time they made eye contact with you, you felt your perfect shell start to fade … you are left in aw for the rest of the concert. These seven men… why them? It’s this thought that brings reality crashing down on you. You have a mission and you let yourself become human.

You could never be human. You were a weapon that only had one purpose in life and that was to complete this mission. The mission you so casually forgot about. No, this was not allowed to happen again, but the concert was something you’ve never experienced. They gave off such energy, you were kept on edge the whole time. A roller coaster of unknown emotions flushed through you. Even though you barely knew any lyrics by heart you found yourself jumping to the beat the one moment and near tears the next. It was amazing how these seven men could make your heart skip a beat with just a few notes. It was clear that they poured their hearts into each song they sang. You saw people losing themselves within the lyrics and rhythm. Some even cried as the concert crept on. Even though this was all strange to you, you had the time of your life. You felt alive for the first time since... Deep down you wished you could stay like this forever, but fate had other plans for you.

They were saying their goodbyes and you had no clue on where to go next. Luckily one of the staff members escorts you and the rest of the VIP’s to a secluded room. It’s here that you had to wait. This at least gave you time to regain your act and get your head straight now you just needed to wait and see if they are following your plan.

She came. They saw her within the first five seconds of the show. A feeling of relief and uneasiness fell upon them. The relief from the fact that you showed and from the looks of it enjoyed it. The uneasiness from the fact that you looked so full of life, but at that fan meet… you where cold. Something was out of order, they just didn’t know what.

When the show finally ended, they were rushed back stage to prepare for the meet with the VIP ticket holders. To be honest… again they were nervous. What if they weren’t going to be so lucky this time…? None off then said a word all of them where to busy drowning in their own avalanche of thoughts. Tonight, they’ll get their answers, one way or the other.

It’s been a good forty-five minutes since you arrived back stage. This gave you enough time to prepare for what’s to come. No, Tonight won’t be their last, but you still had a plan. The other VIP’s weren’t your normal fangirls. They all looked like producers or potential popstars. You stood out from the crowd.

Uncomfortable was an understatement so you decided to just lay low for the first few minutes and figure out how to get close. No sooner has this thought popped up into your head than the doors opened to reveal them. All of them now-not-so-sweaty and looking fresher than ever. As soon as you saw them your protective screen shot up and your acting kicked in. You knew exactly what to say and how to act to get them on your side.

Laying low was your go to, but the one named Kim Seokjin had a different idea. He walked straight up to you.

“Hi, Y/N? right? I’m so glad to see you came to the concert. Did you enjoy it?”

“Hello, Yes I found it quite entertaining thank you, you guys can really move, doesn’t all that dancing make you tired? you don’t seem to be tired after such a show!”

A low chuckle escaped his lips at this statement. Shaking his head, he answered “After so many years of training you just come to a point where you’re use to it and that makes it extremely easier. Aaanndd we had a little rest before we came here”. His gaze never left you, taking in every detail of your reaction. He knew what he was doing.

You listen in amazement. You had to stop yourself from saying that you knew the feeling and you rather took another sip of … whatever this was what you were drinking. Time flew by as you and Seokjin kept making small talk. He told you remarkable stories of how he came to where they currently were. You on the other hand told him everything you could remember before the academy, about how you always wanted to travel the world and make your mark. He looked genuinely interested.

“I see Jin-Hyung made a new friend” Someone interrupted your laughing at one of Jin’s jokes. When you turned around you were face to face with Taehyung or ‘V’ as he requested you call him. His dark eyes were indeed very intimidating, and you felt the urge to be submissive to his demeanor. Jin only laughed and went to stand next to his younger band mate. “Ha ha, Indeed I have! Y/N over here has very good taste in jokes unlike you lot! She finds them quite funny.” Jin said while smiling broadly at you. Taehyung rolled his eyes and smirked at you, “Or she has been living under a rock for way to long. Anyway, I came here to invite Miss Y/N to join the rest of us by the couches, the rest of the guests have left, but we haven’t gotten around to talk to her. Y/N? Would you like to join us?”

A stunned expression over took your face. When did everyone leave? You were so caught up by Jin and his amazing stories that you failed to notice the other guests being told to leave. They weren’t your normal fans, but they seemed important. Why would they want to spend time with you? A ‘Normal’ fan? Why would they even care about a fan? I meant Fans only boost their sales, isn’t that what all artist care about? “Why would you want to talk to me? I’m just a fan” You said frowning at him. If you thought for one second you were intimidating him you were wrong, very wrong.

“Well, we do care about our fans Y/N. They brought us to where we are.” Turning to Jin he chuckled. “Hyung, I truly believe she has been living under a rock.”

Still frowning you followed him to where the rest were. As one they turned to look at you.

“Y/N, I’m happy you decided to join us.” Namjoon said with a dimpled smile. You found yourself sitting between Yoongi and Jimin, not the safest of places to sit. After a beat or so of awkward silence Jungkook raised his head. “So, what do you do Y/N. Like for a living?”

“Oh, I taught self-defense for a while, but seeing as I recently moved here, I’m still looking for an occupation.” This wasn’t a complete lie. You did teach self-defense to the new recruits at the academy, and you were currently unemployed by a normal company.

“Self-defense? You certainly don’t look like the fighting type. No offence, but you’re so small.” Hoseok said eyeing you up and down. “Yes, but like I said that was before I moved” you state as they let your words sink in.

“Well I think self-defense for a girl is a very good thing. You never know what’s waiting around the next corner. Anyway, what made you come? To the concert I mean…?” Yoongi added.

“Well, I’ve listened to your album and to be honest I’ve never really been to a concert. I wanted to experience the thrill of the whole thing. I mean after seeing your fans at the fan meet it must mean you are good at what you do. I had to see it for myself and I must say I am indeed impressed. Like I told Jin, I don’t know how you dance like that and still sound as if you’ve hardly done any dancing at all.” At this point you realized you are rambling. Awkwardly you started fidgeting with your hands.

An awkward silence followed. The seven not knowing if your claim is true or not, you not knowing if your truthful lie will work.

You decided to break the silence and hide your slipup with some of your own questions.

“So how did you guys become Idols?”

“Well… It sort of just happened. First Yoongi and Namjoon met each other, and the rest of us just joined on our own. We just clicked and BOOM! here we are.” Jin answered. The rest of the group seemed to relax at his statement. You made a mental note, this had to mean something, right?

Their answers and question had managed to confuse you even more and now you were doubting your own skills. Your biggest flaw was threatening to break through and you slowly felt a panic starting to rise in your gut.

Back to reality, your thoughts was cut short when Tae suggested that you all go out for some fun. You couldn’t believe this, they are celebrities and they want to do what……

You were so out of your league and you needed to take control of this situation again.

Idols going out for some fun with someone they barely knew. How interesting.

Internally you sighed with relieve. A distraction is exactly what you needed to get the flaw monster back in its cage. You all got up and made your way to the black SUV’s that awaited you. Are they going to kidnap you?

As if seeing your little debate inside you head Jimin put a reassuring hand on your shoulder and said. “We’re not going to kidnap you if that’s what you’re thinking. The black SUV’s are just another security measure to keep nosy fans at bay. It’s just one of the best ways to go from place to place without paparazzi following. Relax.”

Well, this wasn’t how you planned this to go at all. You decided to take the time getting to the destination to formulate a new plan.

Oh boy, you hate doing anything without planning out every move, but you couldn’t predict their every move. And in the course of 48 hours they have proven to be a deadly combination.

Seven against one…

part 4

[imaginedolanscribbles]

A heart’s journey [9/10]

Parts ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT

warnings: forced marriage

words: 2.349

summary: you overhear a conversation between the siblings.

tagslist: @graydolan12 @sweet-dolans @obsessedlittleangel @ninjadurtles (if you want to be tagged, you let me know!)

         NINE

You’re holding on to Grayson’s shoulders for dear life, the harness mimicking your wedding dress like a cage around you, restricting any and all possible movement to your arms and neck. Grayson is trying to hold you like he did the previous rehearsals, but the harness makes it hard for him to hold onto anything, as it swings around you and threatens to squish his fingers with every other move.

“Fuck, ow”, he curses under his breath and you can actually feel his fingers twitching on your waist, but he never loosens his grip.

“No cursing”, Magnusson tuts from somewhere behind you. “I don’t want to hear anything like that during your wedding dance, understood?”

“Does the real dress try to bite off my fingers also?”, Grayson grumbles lowly, a line appearing between his eyebrows in concentration. “Because then we’ve got a bigger problem than my language…”

You can’t help the chuckle breaking out of you, even as Magnusson scolds Grayson again. He doesn’t seem to hear it, though, his eyes shifting to your face in surprise. If there was any room, you would duck your head self-consciously, but as it is you can only lower your eyes to his shoulder and try to keep from blushing. It has been a while since you last laughed at something he said, you suppose, but his surprised stare seems like an overreaction.

“Well, well, well, doesn’t this look cozy?”

You stiffen at the new voice but Grayson doesn’t miss a beat and just keeps pulling you along, even as you try to arch your neck and see where it came from.

“Go away, Cam”, Grayson says dryly, then flinches when his fingers get caught in the harness-cage-thing again.

“I thought you two would be at each other’s throats constantly, that’s the only reason why I never came to watch”, she keeps talking like she hasn’t even heard Grayson. Although your back is still turned to her and you can’t see her smirk, amusement is clear in her voice when she says: “Looks like you have been at each other’s throats...just not the way I imagined.”

You know your face must be glowing bright red and you don’t know where to look, with Grayson’s throat literally right in front of your face. He doesn’t seem to mind, he just sighs and probably rolls his eyes – you can’t see, you’re still not able to look him in the face since that incident in the stables.

“I’d rather not you imagine any version of us at each other’s throat, thanks”, Grayson retorts with a light shake of his head. His voice is so nonchalant even while he says it, and you wish you could somehow stop blushing all the time. Instead, your mind immediately conjures up the memory of his lips pressed against the soft skin behind your ear (it’s not really your throat, like Cameron was refferig to, but it makes you miss a beat nonetheless).

“Please try not to distract my dancers, Miss Cameron. They need to concentrate”, Magnusson says. He sounds pretty exasperated.

Cameron’s “aw, alright then” doesn’t sound too sincere, but you can’t think about it too hard if you want to keep up the pace. The corner of Grayson’s mouth – that damned mouth – that is in your field of vision, is pulled up into a smirk. It’s distracting.

“Elbows higher and again!”, Magnusson orders without giving you a break. He has you dance the whole thing twice and you can hear Cameron chuckle from the side lines now and again, but mostly you wince every time Grayson hisses in pain. Why the harness is even necessary, you don’t know. Your dress is nothing like the thing, it’s very soft actually, and even though the skirt is kind of wide, it’s nowhere near as wide as the harness.

When Magnusson finally releases you, you’re out of breath and ready for a hot bath. Calming down your breath you struggle to get rid of the awful harness, but your fingers are too sweaty and keep gliding off the clasps.

“You need help?”

Amusement rings clear in Grayson’s voice and his dark eyes are sparkling with mischief as you look back at him. His lips are twitching in his attempt to stop grinning, but he still looks like a very self-satisfied large cat.

His hair is freshly cut and the stubble on his cheeks is barely visible, but it makes his face look even sharper, his jaw line even more prominent now that it’s not covered. The shirt he’s wearing is buttoned to the top but it’s made out of some ridiculously thin material that flutters around his body and somehow manages to emphasize his physique even more. You can’t look at him without remembering how he felt pressed against your back, how hot his bare skin was, and how the muscles felt shifting against you whenever he moved.

You still have absolutely no clue what that had been all about. He went from hating you and blaming you, to…well…you don’t even know how to put it in words. While he didn’t even want to touch you last week, in the stables he seemed to have no problem with doing just that. Kissing your skin. Holding you.

The closest you’ve come to making sense of it all, is the conclusion that he appears to find you physically agreeable. That is not really a surprise, though, since he had no problem complimenting your appearance while you were engaged to his brother. He probably finds everything else about you repulsive, still.

The thought sobers you up a bit and you quietly turn your back to him. A second later his fingers unhook the fastenings of the harness and you can breathe freely again. There's so many clasps, it takes him almost a full minute and you have to consciously stop your mind from going into too much detail, when you realize he’ll be undressing you not unlike this in a few days.

“Thank you”, you mumble when the harness comes loose and you put it down carefully before stepping out of it. Magnussen brought it with him, so it’s his responsibility to return it to wherever he got it from.

You duck your head when you feel Grayson’s eyes burning on your face.

“Something wrong?”, he asks, his brows furrowed when you look up at him. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I am fine”, you reply and paste a smile on your face to hide your lie underneath.

The thought of Grayson actually not liking you and only being attracted to your body, makes you feel slightly sick for the rest of the day. Somehow it makes you feel even more unseen, even more silenced and invisible than you’ve felt all your life. Maybe you’re overreacting, maybe this is all in your head and Grayson does like you, not just your body or face or whatever...but you doubt it.

           ++++

          More and more guests arrive at Taoiseach Hall and you’re busy learning all their names, faces, families and significance, until you have little to no time left to spend with your sisters or Cameron or Gr– or anyone. On the day before the wedding there’s a big feast ‘to get in the mood for the wedding’ – but really it’s because the King’s delegation (his sister with her husband and children) arrived. You’re seated between Cameron and Grayson, and Ethan sits next to Cameron. Probably to make it abundantly clear this time, to which of the twins you’re engaged.

Grayson is trying to make conversation for most of the evening but you can’t help but hear the strain in his voice, and notice how most of the questions he’s asking, are one’s he has asked before. Luckily, you can talk to Cameron, too, and she’s forward and relaxed as ever. At least one person in this room actually likes you.

You’re on your way back from the lavatory, when you hear voices talking and saying your name. You halt by the corner you were just about to round and can’t help but recognise Ethan’s voice.

“Are you sure?”

“Mum is not going to like this, Gray.” That’s Cameron. You stomach contracts at the thought of her talking about you behind your back.

“I don’t care, alright?” And, right, that’s definitely Grayson. “I’m not…this is my decision, she can pin it all on me, if she wants. But I can’t just do nothing, don’t you understand that? I don’t know if you think it’s not important enough or if you just don’t care or…I do, alright? I care. And I gotta do something about it.”

“Well, I’m all in”, Cameron says and there’s a chuckle in her voice. “You’re gonna get in so much trouble with Mum. I can’t wait.”

“Thanks a lot, Cam”, Grayson says dryly and you can’t see his face but you’re pretty sure he’s rolling his eyes. “Wish me luck, I’ll try to tell Mum tonight…”

“Don’t worry, she’ll forgive you.”

Silence and then there’s a sigh. “When’re you going to tell her?” That’s Ethan again. He sounds…concerned. You’re almost positive, you’re this ‘her’.

“Tomorrow”, Grayson says after a moment of hesitation. “I want everything ready and done when I tell her.”

You slowly make your way back to the lavatory, your hands so cold you can barely feel your fingers when you close the door behind you. There’s a mirror in the room and you can see how pale your face looks, how wide your eyes are.

You come to the realization that...he’s going to break it off. Grayson is going to stop the wedding, he’s not accepting his mother’s orders after all. But Cameron is right, she will forgive her son eventually. He’ll be alright. You on the other hand…

You feel sick to the stomach. Your family…your sisters…Lausanne will never recover from this. Already on the brink of collapse with the lack of clear water, the political rejection and exposure will further destabilize the entire province until it finally breaks. You won’t have to spend a lifetime with a person who can’t stand you and will probably only use your body for his own gain, that’s true, but that doesn’t comfort you in the slightest right now.

Your hands are shaking and it’s actually a good thing you chose the lavatory as a hiding place, because the next thing you know, you’re bent over and your back is shuddering as you empty your stomach. You haven’t eaten much in the past days, but your stomach cramps nonetheless and tries to get rid of more of what’s not there. Your throat is raw by the end of it and one of your fingernails has broken off due to your white-knuckled grip on the cold porcelain. You’ve been in here for more than an hour by now, and it’s probably a good thing everyone thinks you’ve already gone to bed, otherwise someone might’ve come looking for you.

When you return to your room, you know you won’t be able to sleep tonight. All you can do is wait for morning to come, and with it a knock on the door and the order to pack your things. The moonlight has filtered through the curtains and is almost touching the corner of your bed when your door creaks open. You can’t see through the darkness but you can hear the light footsteps padding through your room until there’s a small silhouette standing in front of you.

“Are you still awake?”

“I’m awake, Tiana”, you reply and despite the shock of helplessness still ringing in your ears, you can’t help the soft smile at the sight of your little sister. “What’s wrong?”

“Can I sleep with you? You haven’t been home for so long and I miss you…”

She used to do this at home sometimes, too. Tatiana would have a bad dream or be scared to fall asleep or something, and she couldn’t go to your parents so she came to you.

“Of course, c’mere”, you say and lift the duvet for her to crawl under. “I miss you too.”

She wraps her arms around you and snuggles close to you, her toes icy cold where they press against your shins. “I’ll miss you so much…”

You swallow dryly and stroke her hair silently, staring at the sliver of moonlight filtering through the curtain. “Shhhh, it’s all going to be fine, Tiana. Sleep now.”

“Goodnight”, Tatiana sighs and yawns into your shoulder. As her breaths become evenly slower, you can feel the prickling behind your eyes increasing, until there are hot tears leaving salty trails on your cheeks on their descent as they sicker silently into the pillow. You can see Grayson’s face so clearly before you, and you can’t help but mourn the relationship you could’ve had with him in another life. He seemed like a genuinely warm and welcoming person when you got to know him first. He doesn’t hold anything back, so untarnished by the intrigues of society, with his honest enthusiasm for this world that hasn’t dampened his spirit yet.

That is, before you ruined his life. He’ll be an honest, loving husband one day to a woman he genuinely likes. Not to you, though. You’ll probably be all but forgotten by then.

At least you won’t have to see Cameron again, once this is all over. Of course she’s supportive of her brother, but you never imagined her spurring him on to ruin your family’s life. As much as the North is supposed to be ‘more direct’ than the South, you have yet to meet a Northerner who actually is what they seem.

            ++++

           You don’t remember falling asleep but when you wake up, your eyelashes are clumped together with still slightly damp tears. Maids are rushing through your room, Tatiana is burrowing further under the duvet to prolong her sleep, and bright morning light floods your room when someone opens the curtains.

“Rise and shine, my lady!”, a maid proclaims and sets a basin of water on your nightstand with a wide smile. “It’s your wedding day!”

Part TEN: a wedding...or not?

Next up is the finale! Thanks to everyone who’s stayed with me this far!

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