#until his 60's?
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the dream was 12 years ago. at some point, toby's patience would run out.
#yea i know its a joke but think about it#for how long will he keep it up?#until he dies?#until his 60's?#50's?#40's?#we are talking about a 32 year old man with a really big name#it would make sense for him to do this#just leak the full script and have the communtiy spend the next decade making it a reality#think about it#toby could easily get a job elsewhere#or hell just make a new project#he has been working on deltarune since that very night#twelve years ago#twelve years of labour#to have four chapters done#that takes a toll#it damages you DETERMINATION#toby probably has limits#probably#and maybe#just maybe#those limits are shorter than we might think
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Haiiii just wanted to let you know that mini comic of Charles being kidnapped (going on vacation) with Erik makes me tweak out every time I see it because I can't send it to my friend (he cannot know I am a cherik freak) 🫶
Love ur art btw it scratches the brain tickel
OH IM SO GLAD im so glad people enjoy that comic: thank you so much, i had a lot of fun working on it ^^ !
#fave#snap chats#maybe one day your friend can see … but very relatable tbh djOAJZSJ#my favorite response to that comic is how ‘stan lee’ the dialogue is WHICH WAS MY INTENT#IM SO GLAD THAT GOT ACROSS HEHEHEHEHE#doing 60’s verse stuff is my favorite its so over the top i love it immensely. unserious as hell#‘snap i thought you were away until saturday#can a man. NOT say hi. ill just be answering asks with texts until then#BUT ANYWAYS thank you !!!!!!#i cant wait to make more silly comics when i can … hehe …#for now ONE MORE EXAM FOR THE DAY then its costume party time 👯 going as leon kennedy because its what i had in my closet fiOWDJS#OK BYYYYEE i think i can squeeze in another quick answer or two
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"There is no other pianist/organist in Europe today who has moved, and I think ever will move me as much as much as Alan does." - Eric Burdon, 1966
#hi hello hiiiiiii happy 'i'm crying/take it easy' recording day <3#wanted to deviate a little from band-related things and make a little piece celebrating the price-burdon aaaaa#since they don't have an immortalized meeting-date like some other songwriting duos do 😔#when i do learn the date they met believe me i'll make it a national holiday but until then....#i will celebrate on the same day that they recorded two of the songs they wrote together 🙏🙏🙏 TWO ABSOLUTE BOPS MIGHT I ADD#g o s h they get me so emotional.... contrasting and complementing one another in the best ways#alan so distant at first and even a little jealous#but then warming up to him completely.... dare i say developing quite a soft spot for eric.....#meanwhile eric was always impressed by him and wanted him to go far#aGGGhGHgHgHGG their musical partnership and general relationship is just so... aaaaaaAAA even if the songwriting didn't go far#it's not the 'what if' between alan and eric that makes them so compelling to me... it's 1000% what we have in front of us#(that 32000 word essay is my pride and joy) (STILL NEED TO UPDATE IT AGGHH)#anyway.... celebrating price-burdon today <3#eric burdon#alan price#the animals#1964#60s fanart#60s rock#classic rock fanart#classic rock#british invasion#british rock#worried life arts
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warm up drawing that got way out of hand but I wanted to redraw the pic of Wally in front of small world but w Clockboy
It's obviously not a 1:1 exact redraw or anything but.. anyway, I think they would be friends :-)
#clipart#welcome home#ive wanted to draw wally for Ages but have not had time until Today#also Clockboy is in his 60's colors since that would coincide w the timeline of WH's airdates lalalala
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Spotify wrapped charts:
tag game: share your top 5 spotify wrapped artists and songs
Thanks for for tagging me @shinwolo
(I'm vv late to the game 😳🫣 but time is an illusion anyway- so enjoy 🥰)
tagging: @amelee23 @jisungshotfirst @proudahgase-exol @astarlightmonbebe (I'm not sure if any of you guys have done this or even have spotify but in case you haven't here you go) you def don't have to if you don't want to tho!
#i will be screaming in the tags hehe#while kebbi already knows how much mx is on my wrapped- its crazy#i listened to 73 different genres & 2739 different songs#but the first time a different artist appears is nct at number 28- and then back to mx- when i say it didnt#start becoming mixed up good- it wasnt until the 70s when we saw diversity in my top song playlist 🫣#60 s area* ehqhahq limbo made the break thru for the rest of the songs to make it into the chart ✊️🤧#also as was pointed out by kebbi was that my songs were symmetrical 🥹#ptg made it at 13 but they are a top artist so it didnt count ehsha#i absolutely sobbed knowing i wasnt going to get a wrapped message from ki & mx 😭 i already knew ptg#wasnt gonna give me one- but ohh i was in tears 😭 i got one from kyun so thats my highlight#i got a svt wallows and dpr . ian one! tho- i didnt care for the wallows message tho#i could really continue screaming tbh but ill chill- thank you sm for tagging me kebbi 🥺💖#idk maybe i dont like kikis music- idk- (literally i have his whole first album in my top 10)
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Feel like pure shit for Joan from the pilot tho
#Columbo#like imagine being an aspiring actress with pretty intense anxiety#and your shrink instead of treating you wraps you around his finge#then ropes you into being an accessory to killing his wife cuz he can't countenance having to choose between you and his wife's money#and then the detective assigned to the case sees right through him and you attempts to bully you into confessing#(and since he has adhd himself he knows how to leverage anxiety) and assigns guys to stalk you until you spill the beans on your psych#and then when you call him (the psych) for an emergency because they're Getting To You#he blows you off with that classic 60's misogyny/rich asshole arrogance. “oh a mental health patient'll keep till morning when they make 1/2#an emergency call“ 2/2
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Move To A Darker Place
This is a story of Man Vs. Machine.
---
Last March, my father attempted to file his Taxes.
My beloved father is a Boomer. Unlike most Boomers, my father is rather handy with technology because he was one of the people that had a not-insignificant hand in Developing a hell of a lot of it. He was studying Computer Science at Cal Poly before the computer science degree existed. I have many fond childhood memories of skipping through the aisles of various electronic and computer part warehouses while Dad described something that either terrified the staff or made them worship him as a God. He taught himself how to use his smartphone. Internationally.
So when he saw the option to file digitally with the IRS through the “ID.me” program, he leapt at the chance to celebrate the Federal Government finally entering the Digital Age.
It was all going swimmingly for about six hours, until he was ready to file and the system told him that it needed to verify his identity.
“Very Well.” said my father, a man unafraid of talking to himself and getting something out of the conversation. “It wouldn’t do for me to get someone else’s return.”
The System told him that it needed him to take a “Digital Image ID”.
a.k.a: A Selfie.
“A-ha!” Dad beams. Dad is very good at taking selfies. He immediately pulled out his phone, snapped one, and tried to upload it.
Please log into your Id.me Account and use the provided app to submit your Digital Image ID. The System clarified.
“Oh. You should have said so.” Dad pouted, but used his phone to log onto the ID.me account, do the six security verification steps and double-checked that the filing looked the same as it did on the desktop, gave the IRS like nine permissions on his phone, and held up the camera to take his Federal Privacy Invasion Selfie.
Please align your face to the indicated grid. Said The System, pulling up a futuristic green-web-of-polygons approximation.
“Ooh, very Star Trek. Gene Roddenberry would HATE this!” Dad said cheerfully, aligning his face to the grid. My father is a bit… cavalier, when it comes to matters of personal information and federal government, because he’s been on FBI watchlists since the late 60’s when he was protesting The Vietnam War and Ronald Regan before he’d broken containment. Alas.
Anyway, there is very little information the federal government does not have on him already, but he’s as good at stalking the FBI as they are at stalking him, and had worked out a solution: He has something approaching a friendship with the local Federal Agent (Some guy named “Larry”. Allegedly), and got Larry hooked on Alternative Histories and Dad’s collection of carefully-researched “there is very likely buried treasure here” stories, and Larry is loath to bother his favorite Historical Fanfiction author too much.
But I digress.
After thinking for a minute, The System came back with an Error Message. Please remove glasses or other facial obstructions.
And here is where the real trouble began.
See, my father wears glasses that do substantially warp the appearance of his face, because he is so nearsighted that he is legally blind without them. His natural focal point is about 4 inches in front of his nose. While Dad can still take a selfie because he (approximately) knows where his phone is if it’s in his hand, he cannot see the alignment grid.
He should ask someone to take it for him! I hear the audience say. Yes, that would be the sane and reasonable thing to do, but Dad was attempting to do taxes at his residence in Fort Collins, while his immediate family was respectively in Denver, Texas and Canada. He tried calling our neighbors, who turned out to be in Uganda.
He looked down at the dog, Arwen, and her little criminal paws that can open doorknobs, but not operate cell phones.
She looked back at him, and farted.
“Well, I’ll give it a try, but if it gives me too much trouble, I’ll call Larry, and Larry can call the IRS about it.” Dad told her.
She continued to watch him. Arwen is an Australian Kelpie (a type of cattle-herding dog), going on 14 years old, deaf as a post and suffering from canine dementia now, but she still retains her natural instinct to Micromanage. She was also trained as a therapy dog, and even if she can’t hear my dad, still recognizes the body language of a man setting himself up for catastrophe.
So, squinting in the late afternoon light next to the back door, Dad attempted to line his face up with a grid he could only sort-of see, and took A Federal Selfie.
The System thought about it for a few moments.
Image Capture Failed: Insufficient Contrast. The System replied. Please move to a darker place.
“...Huh.” Dad frowned. “Alright.”
He moved to the middle of his office, away from the back door, lit only by the house lighting and indirect sunlight, and tried again.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“What?” Dad asked the universe in general.
“Whuff.” Arwen warned him against sunk costs.
Dad ignored her and went into the bathroom, the natural habitat of the selfie. Surely, only being lit by a light fixture that hadn’t been changed since Dad was attempting to warn everyone about Regan would be suitably insufficient lighting for The System. It took some negotiating, because that bathroom is “Standing Room Only” not “Standing And Holding Your Arms Out In Front Of You Room”. He ended up taking the selfie in the shower stall.
As The System mulled over the latest attempt, Arwen shuffled over and kicked open the door to watch.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move to a Darker Place.
“Do you mean Spiritually?” Dad demanded.
“Whuff.” Arwen cautioned him again.
Determined to succeed, or at least get a different error message that may give him more information, Dad entered The Downstairs Guest Room. It is the darkest room in the house, as it is in the basement, and only has one legally-mandated-fire-escape window, which has blinds. Dad drew those blinds, turned off the lights and tried AGAIN.
Image Capture Failed. Please Move To A Darker Place.
“DO YOU WANT ME TO PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF INSIDE OF A CAVE??” Dad howled.
“WHUFF!” Arwen reprimanded him from under the pull-out bed in the room. It’s where she attempts to herd everyone when it’s thundering outside, so the space is called her ‘Safety Cave’.
Dad frowned at the large blurry shape that was The Safety Cave.
“Why not?” he asked, the prelude to many a Terrible Plan. With no small amount of spiteful and manic glee, Dad got down onto the floor, and army-crawled under the bed with Arwen to try One Last Time. Now in near-total darkness, he rolled on his side to be able to stretch his arms out, Arwen slobber-panting in his ear, and waited for the vague green blob of the Facial grid to appear.
This time, when he tapped the button, the flash cctivated.
“GOD DAMN IT!” Dad shouted, dropping the phone and rubbing his eyes and cursing to alleviate the pain of accidentally flash-banging himself. Arwen shuffled away from him under the bed, huffing sarcastically at him.
Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.
“MOTHERFU- hang on.” Dad squinted. The System sounded strange. Distant and slightly muffled.
Dad squinted really hard, and saw the movement of Arwen crawling out from under the bed along the phone’s last known trajectory.
“ARWEN!” Dad shouted, awkwardly reverse-army crawling out from under the bed, using it to get to his feet and searching for his glasses, which had fallen out of his pocket under the bed, so by the time he was sighted again, Arwen had had ample time to remove The Offending Device.
He found her out in the middle of the back yard, the satisfied look of a Job Well Done on her face. She did not have the phone.
“Arwen.” Dad glared. It’s a very good glare. Dad was a teacher for many years and used it to keep his class in order with sheer telepathically induced embarrassment, and his father once glared a peach tree into fecundity.
Arwen regarded him with the casual interest a hurricane might regard a sailboat tumbling out of its wake. She is a force of nature unto herself and not about to be intimidated by a half-blind house ape. She also has cataracts and might not be able to make out the glare.
“I GIVE UP!” Dad shouted, throwing his hands in the air and returning to the office to write to the IRS that their selfie software sucks ass. Pleased that she had gotten her desired result, Arwen followed him in.
To Dad’s immense surprise, the computer cheerfully informed him that his Federally Secure Selfie had been accepted, and that they had received and were now processing his return!
“What the FUCK?” Dad glared. “Oh well. If I’ve screwed it up, Larry can call me.”
---
I bring this up because recently, Dad received an interesting piece of mail.
It was a letter from the IRS, addressed to him, a nerve-wracking thing to recessive at the best of times. Instead of a complaint about Dad’s Selfie Skills, it was a letter congratulating him on using the new ID.me System. It thanked him for his help and expressed hopes he would use it again next year, and included the selfie that The System had finally decided to accept.
“You know, my dad used to complain about automation.” Dad sighed, staring at the image. “Incidentals my boy! My secretary saves the state of California millions of dollars a year catching small errors before they become massive ones! He’d say. Fought the human resources board about her pay every year. I used to think he was overestimating how bad machines were and underestimating human error, but you know? He was right.”
He handed me the image.
My father was, technically, in the image. A significant amount of the bottom right corner is taken up by the top of his forehead and silver hair. Most of the image, the part with the facial-recognition markers on it, was composed of Arwen’s Alarmed and Disgusted Doggy face.
“Oh no!” I cackled. “Crap, does this mean you have to call the IRS and tell them you’re not a dog?”
“Probably.” Dad sighed. “I know who I’m gonna bother first though.” he said, taking out his phone (Dad did find his phone a few hours after Arwen absconded with it when mom called and the early spinach started ringing).
“Hey Larry!” Dad announced to the local federal agent. “You’re never gonna believe this. My dog filed my taxes!”
Larry considered this for a moment. “Is this the dog that stole my sandwich? Out of my locked car?” he asked suspiciously.
“The very same.” Dad grinned.
“Hm. Clever Girl.” Federal Agent Larry sighed. “I figured it was only a matter of time before she got into tax fraud.”
---
I'm a disabled artist making my living writing these stories. If you enjoy my stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Book on Patreon. Thank you!
#Family Lore#Dogs#arwen#Arwen the Crime Dog#Taxes#Ronald Regan mention (derogatory)#long post under the cut#this one is funny this time#I could really use some extra tip money this month
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I am now opening custom Ace Attorney sprite commissions!
I have 3 open slots.
Depending on how the initial slots go, I may or may not offer more. DMs also welcome.
>> Commission form! <<
Details
What exactly will you receive for $60?
Two 12fps looping .gif files in an Ace Attorney style, one talking and one idle, of the character of your choice from the waist up. They can be in pretty much any still position, but I get final say on whether something is too difficult or too complex. I will work to make the sprite as accurate as possible while adhering to the style.
What will you receive for $20?
Either a short 12fps animation of your character or another two looping gifs (talking and idling) in a different pose/emotion. An animation can be combined with talking. For example, this Wei Wuxian MDZS would be $80: $60 as a base price (standing still and talking) with $20 added for his hand gesture.
This set of Lan Wangji MDZSs would be $100: $60 (base price, neutral animation) + $20 (happy) + $20 (displeased).
What counts as a "slot"?
Art of one character, no matter how many pieces I was commissioned for.
For more examples of my Ace Attorney-style work, here is the masterpost for my MDZS x Ace Attorney crossover series, which I have been adding to for a while now. Here are Kabru, Miku, and Hela Vitrum (my most recent commission). They are a good example of the base commission -- a looped talking gif and a looped idle/blinking gif.
Policies (read this before filling out the form!)
I am not affiliated with objection.lol. The sprites *can* be used in the program to great success. However, I will not guide you through creating a case in objection.lol. There are a lot of tutorials available. I am selling animated illustrations of your character and nothing else.
I am not affiliated with Capcom or Ace Attorney. My work copies the style of original games. In many cases, I have referenced pre-existing animations or sprites.
Just in case, I'm limiting the max number of pieces for a single character to 3 poses and 1 animation ($120) (so I don't get bored drawing them over and over again). One person can commission me for multiple characters but they will count as different slots (i.e., you may commission the max amount of work for Blorbo Bingus ($120) and also commission two poses for Dworbo Dingus ($80) for a total of $200, counting as two slots).
It is my privilege to take or refuse commissions at my discretion.
Depending on demand, I may adopt a first-come first-served waitlist system, but I really can't know at this point.
Payment depends on the price of the commission, but in general I will not start the piece until I am paid via Paypal. Venmo is a secondary option. My prices are in USD.
Once I get started, I work quickly, so any changes should be requested at the sketch stage. I will work with you to get it right. Once I have started work a piece (once planning is finished) I will not give refunds. Finished piece(s) should be done within a month of finalization (you giving me the go-ahead to start).
Filling out the form does not mean I have accepted the commission, but it does mean that I will contact you in a routine way about it.
These commissions are intended for personal use. The pricing reflects that. Tell me if you wish to use a commission in a monetized way, as that will require renegotiation.
If you wish to communicate with me about commission work without filling out the form, my email is [email protected]. I am not planning to offer commissions other than Ace Attorney sprites at this time. I will reply within the week.
Communication via tumblr DMs, asks, or comments is welcome!
#art commissions#commissions open#open art commissions#art#my art#ace attorney#ace attorney fanart#animation#animation commissions#artists on tumblr#mdzs aa au
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HOLD YOUR BREATH (s.jy)
pairing: detective!jake x reader (f)
summary: not having seen your husband’s face in two days, you decide to bring him dinner and check up on him— sleep deprived and stressed, he can’t help but get a taste of you.
warnings: 1960s au. mentions of murder, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy!), pussy eating, pussy drunk jake (r we even surprised), semi-public sex, choking, p in v, jake is a detective, jake wears glasses, sex on desk, dirty talking, pet names (baby, love, darling), wall sex, breeding kink, cream pie, lmk if more. NOT PROOFREAD.
wc: 3.7k
published: 11th June 2024
taglist: (permanent) @stolasisyourparent @jaeyunsbimbo @heelvsted @jwnghyuns @seunghancore @bangtancultsposts s @shawnyle (oneshot) @kirinaa08 @immelissaaa @skzenhalove @anittamaxwynnn @honeybunnee @cherlv
a/n: based on this ask from anon! sorry if it took me a while to prepare it, hope you like it tho <3 please LIKE & REBLOG!
Being a detective in the 60s wasn’t easy at all. With all the danger occurring and newly killers all walking around, trying to take lives as if they were useless, you couldn’t help but bite your nails as you waited for Jake at home.
But being a detective’s wife was even more difficult. The constant dread fuelling your heart until it was too heavy to carry.
One late Friday night, you were sitting by the kitchen table all alone. The warm June air hitting your skin since you left your window open, watching as the sun was beginning to set.
You had already deep cleaned the whole apartment, probably not even a single crumb of dust was left.
Then, you rearranged the books on the shelves.
In the morning, alphabetically and in the afternoon from the oldest to the newest. Ridiculous.
Utterly bored, you had even painted your nails of a weird shade of green that matched your favourite blouse-skirt set.
You weren’t even being dramatic, given the fact that your only company hadn’t shown his face at home for two days.
Date a detective, they said. It’ll be fun, they said.
It was everything but fun or entertaining, since you spent most of the time alone, due to his crazy schedules.
But you loved Sim Jake too dearly to even consider confronting him about it.
You heard a few stories about old ladies’ nieces at the hair salon you worked who got forced into marriage and you were so glad it hadn’t happened to you.
Because you knew it, bet your heart on it that Jake would always choose you first.
You glanced at the clock that ticked half past seven and like the perfect wife you were, you began to wonder if Jake was even taking care of himself. Had he eaten enough? Had he even eaten at all?
So, rolling up your sleeves, you cooked a delicious meal to bring him to his workplace. Inside the small lunch box was some warm miso soup and vegetables for his big, sexy brain.
Repressing the shiver that ran through your spine when you stepped out of your house and immediately spotted a ‘Missing Person’ sign, you started walking down the familiar road. You just thanked the sun was still high enough to bring some natural source of light.
You reached his office when it was dark already, having walked almost one hour away. Cursing the heels you forced yourself to wear even as your feet screamed for help, you knocked on the door.
The new detective Jake introduced you at a dinner showed up, bright smile and innocence plastered on his face “Hello! Miss Sim.”
You smiled back “Good evening, Mister Kim.” Sunoo stepped aside from the door “Looking for Detective Sim?”
You hummed as you took in the sight of the very dark hallway “Third door on the left, is that right?”
Sunoo nodded happily, “You remembered.” He then placed one hand on the side of his mouth to whisper “But I warn you, he’s not in the brightest mood.”
Oh goodness. “Thank you for the information.” You said as you walked away, to the door that led to your husband’s office.
Softly knocking on the door, you waited for his response, and when his grumpy “What?” From the other side, you decided to open the door.
And there your husband was, his hair sticking to every direction while his glasses almost fell down his nose bridge.
Jake was playing billiards, leaning against the table as he desperately tried to get in the ball. A simple task that seemed not to work for him, since he looked so distressed.
A cigar balanced between his upper and bottom lip, its smoke lingering in the air.
When his chocolate brown eyes finally settled on your figure, they softened in a way that made your heart skip a beat.
“Y/N.” Jake breathed out, placing down the pool stick on the table and walking towards you as you closed the door “What are you doing here?”
“I brought you dinner.” You raised the lunch box in your hand, smiling “Figured you might need it.”
His brows knitted, a frown appearing on his face “You walked here all alone?” He glanced at the clock that ticked nine already “It’s dangerous, baby.” Don’t let yourself be fooled by the sweet nickname, his tone was low and rather pissed.
Being in contact with crime most of his day, Jake grew very protective of you, and directly imposed that you wouldn’t go out without him — or any male friend — after six pm.
You shook your head and let out a small sigh “I’m here, aren’t I?” You said as you walked towards his desk to place down the lunch box.
“Besides, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You tilted your head, resting your back on the table “Haven’t you missed me?”
“Christ, Y/N.” He walked toward you right away, closing the space you had put “I missed you like crazy.”
He dropped his head low and sighed tiredly “But there has been another murder and we can’t figure out who the culprit is. I’m in deep-sea here.”
You gently cupped his cheek in your small palm and rubbed your thumb “Maybe you should take a break?” You suggested “Working too hard fries your brain.”
Jake nodded “Maybe I should.” He murmured and looked behind his shoulders “Wand to play pool?”
You grimaced “You know I can’t play that game.” His lips twitched into a smile wrapping a strong arm around your waist. "I could teach you." He told you, lowering his head and brushing his lips against your ear.
You placed your hands with your newly polished nails on his clothed chest, right under his shoulders "I'm afraid I'm a lost case at this game, even for the greatest detective in town."
Jake chuckled lowly and tilted his head to press his lips against your own, sliding a hand downward to grip your thigh. He parted his lips, slipping his tongue into your mouth and tilting you backwards in between his body and the desk.
Jake took the opportunity to grip your thigh and spread it apart, too eager to even care about having a make out session first. He slipped his hand under your skirt and groaned when he felt your folds right under his fingers.
"Goodness, you didn't seem to be wearing anything." Jake mumbled against your lips before trailing his own down your jawline and to your neck.
His fingers pressed against your core and he groaned lowly, sliding his fingers across your entrance.
You let out a quiet gasp at the feeling and let out a small chuckle before his fingers delved deeper inside of you, moving in and out of your wetness while kissing across your jawline.
"You seem quite needy already, love." He mumbled with his gravelly voice. You grasped the back of his head and rested your forehead on his, your eyes never leaving his.
He kissed the tip of your nose, such a gentle gesture in contrast to the filthy thing he was doing to your body, the sound of your slickness pooling down your thighs and on his wrist filled the room— until it was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Cursing under his breath for not having locked the door when you first came in, and not having foreshadowed his fingers deep inside you, he pressed a finger on his lips to shush you. “Who is it?” He then asked.
“Detective Sim?” Someone’s voice came from the other side “The captain wants to speak with you, sir.”
He was about to turn the doorknob when Jake said “Busy at the moment.”
The other detective stepped back from the door but didn’t walk away. “It’s important.” He said bluntly.
You thought that at those words, Jake would leave you there on the table and go doing his job, instead he curled his finger inside of you, making you press a hand on your mouth to middle a moan.
“You can tell me from there.” The detective began speaking and Jake looked down at you, his eyes darkened as he continued to move his fingers in a circular motion inside of you. "Keep quiet, mh?" He whispered to you, his tone smug.
You let out a shaky breath and grasped his forearm, doing your best to not let out any noise.
He let out a low chuckle, curling his fingers again to draw a moan from you. "Shh, you have to be quiet." He whispered and the detective continued to speak.
Not like you could focus on what he was saying with the way his fingers worked you closer to the edge.
“About the murder cases we were working on…” The detective said, “I have an update.”
Jake tilted his head at the mention of the case and kept his fingers moving inside you. "And what is the update?" He called out, not letting up his movements at all.
You couldn’t take it anymore and tried to remove his wrist, "Detective Park found a similarity with the other two murders, seems like the culprit puts a small signature."
Jake ignored your piss-poor attempt to stop him as he continued to talk to the detective with a nonchalant tone.
"What sort of signature?" He questioned, a smirk on his lips while he continued his movements with a particular curling of his fingers.
Your legs shook as he kept hitting your sweet spot “He cuts the ring finger's nail of all the victims." The detective informed him.
Upon hearing the information Jake's eyes widened slightly before moving his sight back down to you. His fingers continued their ministrations, drawing more tremors from your body though his mind was working at the new information revealed to him.
Not hearing any reaction from the inside, Jake’s colleague added “Detective park said to find him when you aren't... busy?” He cleared his throat and for a second you thought he guessed what was happening “I'll tell him you'll talk to him later?"
Your husband hummed lowly as he thought back to the information, continuing to work his fingers in and out of you as if it helped him think. "Yes, I will come talk to him after." He told the detective with a steady voice, his eyes taking in your expression while his gaze darkened.
With the dismissal, the person’s steps went away until they completely disappeared. Jake smirked and moved his fingers faster, curling on your g-spot.
He lowered his head, pressing his lips against the side of your neck and up to your earlobe. "Just a little more, love." He whispered in your ear.
You moaned shakily, now finally able to let it out. You wrapped one arm around his neck to steady yourself as the other rested behind you.
You clenched around his two digits, the knot in your stomach tightening.
Jake let out a soft growl in your ear, his fingers curling against your sweet spot. "Not yet, wait." He demanded.
“W-what?” You frowned, unable to stop the euphoria creeping in “Why?”
Jake smirked against your ear "I'm not done with you yet, love." he mumbled huskily before taking your lobe in his mouth and sucking on it.
His fingers worked you until another moan nearly escaped your lips and he took that opportunity to capture them in his own "Quiet, you don't want anyone to hear you being a noisy little thing, do you?"
You shook your head as you threw it back, your hair dangling in the air and eyes squeezing. You bucked your hips to meet his hand, his palm rubbing against your clit.
Jake titled his head at the sight, looking ever so gorgeous. He added a third digit inside of you, but it stretched you so good to the point of pain. You couldn’t help but whimper out loud.
Jake chuckled at your reaction and his tongue delved between your lips when you whined, muffling your sounds. "Shh, you're being too loud, baby." He bit your bottom lip.
You clenched around his digits, walls taking them in “T-too much.” You murmured.
He hummed lowly and slowed his pace slightly, bringing one arm to grip your waist again. "You can handle it, can't you, baby?" Hequestioned as his fingers began to curl against your sensitive spot to ease your discomfort.
At the feeling, so full and good, you rolled your eyes to the back of your head “T-there.” You moaned helplessly “Keep going.”
“Be quiet for me.” He demeaned and curled his fingers at a speed you weren’t even sure was possible.
You looked down at where your bodies collided and couldn’t help but let out a moan, your slickness was pooling down his wrist onto the floor, making a whole mess.
Jake followed your gaze and smirked at the sight, “You like this? Mh?”
You nodded “Yes, Jake.” Your eyes were half lidded as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten “Like it. So good.”
Jake titled your chin up to meet his dark eyes and raised a brow, your walls sucking his digits in “Are you close, baby?”
Like the expert of your body that he was, he knew all the signs to pick up. “Yes— I’m so—“ You couldn’t even finish your sentence, that one particular curl on the spongy wall made your body shake in release.
Jake’s arms wrapped around you, holding your body against his as you quaked, “Good girl." He mumbled in your ear, his fingers continuing their work until you came down from your high.
He pressed a soft kiss to your jawline, his fingers slowly pulling out of and he smirked as they came out slick with your release. "You were so good for me, darling." he mumbled against your ear.
He pulled his fingers to his mouth and sucked them, he hummed “Love the taste of you.”
Jake gently gave your arm a light squeeze before moving you to the side. You watched him through puzzled eyes until you saw him pushing on the floor all of his files.
“Baby?” You asked and he only replied with a smile. He pressed his lips against your neck, sucking and biting on the soft flesh while he moved his hands to the back of your thighs.
“Now..." He mumbled as his hands gripped your thighs, lifting you up.
You widened your eyes when you noticed how he placed you on the desk and rested your thighs on his shoulders, kneeling in front of you “There we go.”
“J-jake?” You asked, looking down at him. He winked at you “Just relax." He mumbled softly as his lips began to trail across your thighs.
Your body twitched at the feeling, his featherlight kisses sending waves of pleasure.
Jake trailed his lips up until they were close to your core, his breath fanning against your sensitive skin.
“Wait.” You tried to stop him by pressing one hand on his hair. “You haven’t been touched yet.”
He chuckled again, looking back up at you from his position in between your legs. "Don’t worry about me, love. This is about you." He whispered, blowing on your pussy.
You rolled your eyes back and Jake took the opportunity to swipe his tongue slowly on your core, tasting your juices and your previous cum.
“Oh, Lord.” You moaned out, grasping his hair into your hand, knuckles almost white.
He hummed as the taste of you hit his tongue, drawing a low groan from him.
Your breath grew heavy, slowly guiding his head to lick in the spots you were the most sensitive.
“You taste wonderful, love.” He whispered, sucking on your clit.
You unconsciously bucked your hips, not in control of your body anymore as it succumbed to the pleasure.
Jake chuckled and pressed a hand on your hip, pinning it down to keep you from moving while his tongue continued circles against your sensitive spot. "Stay still for me, darling." He mumbled, continuing his movements.
You arched your back and grasped his hair and he could tell that you were already close to the edge.
So, he took the opportunity to slide his tongue in your entrance, making you moan out as the warm and spongy feeling made your whole mind black out.
His eyes never left your expression as he watched you closely. He was enjoying making you squirm, moaning out his name.
And just like thunder crashing, your body shuddered while you squirted right on Jake’s face.
You widened your eyes, unable to stop the overwhelming feeling of pleasure as you basically screamed-moaned. At that point, you were sure even people on the streets knew what you two were up to.
However, Jake seemed very content with it. He wiped his face with the sleeve of his suit. “Pussy so good, makes my day better.” Your liquid was dripping down his glasses and jaw.
“I made a mess.” You whispered, propping yourself up on your elbows “And?” Jake raised a brow, pulling your chin in a kiss. You could taste yourself on his tongue “I love your messes.”
“I want to help you.” You stated, palming his angry hard-on “You already made me cum twice.”
“We don’t have protections.” He murmured, kissing your lips once, then twice “I don’t want inconveniences to happen.”
The thought of him breeding you made your mind fill with primal urges, but you tried to negotiate “You can pull out.”
Jake shook his head, resting it on your shoulder “I don’t have self control when it comes to you.” He kissed your clothed shoulder.
“A blow?” You questioned, caressing the little hair he had behind his head. Jake chuckled again, “I’m too rough and I don’t want to ruin your cute attire.”
His gaze travelled down to your hand that helped you hold yourself up and smiled “You put nail polish on? It suits you.”
How he managed to make your heart flutter after literally having you shake, you weren’t sure. Maybe he had a talent.
“I wanted to be pretty for you.” You chuckled, “Can’t ruin your reputation.”
No matter how much Jake tried to talk you out of sex in his office, the way he was slowly rutting his hips on your inner thigh gave him away.
He occasionally let out small hums in between his words, and you knew damn well he must be feeling so pained.
So, you slowly climbed down the desk and looked at him. He showed you a nice smile, oblivious to the contorted plants you had in mind. His lips dropped into a frown at the same moment your skirt dropped to your ankles.
“Y/N?” He asked, raising a brow as you began to unbutton your blouse, showing your silk bra.
If Jake had one weakness apart from eating you out, then it was your boobs. He loved them, worshipped them day and night.
His eyes darkened at such sight, walking towards you right away and pushing you against the wall.
“You drive me insane.” He whispered, unzipping his pants and letting them drop to the floor “You fuck my head.”
You watched him with excitement bubbling your stomach, he gripped your bare thigh and raised your leg until it was around his waist.
You looked down at his hard cock, pressing against your stomach “Watch me stretch this pussy out.” He said as he aligned himself with your entrance and thrusted inside of you.
You were so wet and sensitive, your skin burning against his. Jake gripped your ass so tight it would surely leave a mark by the next day, he rutted his hips inside of you at a fast speed.
“I don’t think I’ll last long.” He warned, “I feel you much better without a condom.”
You clenched around his length as his admission, making him groan. He pulled you into a heated kiss as he kept moving his hips, desperately chasing the relief he longed for.
“Fuck.” He breathed out, grip on your skin painful “Fuck, you were made for me.”
With one skilled hand, he undid your bra and palmed your breasts, his tip hitting your cervix, making you moan.
Jake lowered his head onto your chest and began sucking on your nipple, circling his tongue around it “Ah, Yes!” You chanted out.
Without missing a beat, Jake changed tit and did the same thing to the other.
“So deep.” You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as the familiar feeling of euphoria reached you for the third time “So good.”
“Yes baby,” He grunted, one hand sneaking up to wrap around your neck “You’re so good for me, so good.”
The sudden loss of air made you clench around him, your walls hugging his cock, sucking him in.
“Fuck— Stop clenching like that.” He huffed, squeezing his eyes just like you did “I’m already so close.”
“I don’t want you to pull out.” You placed one hand on his cheeks, brown eyes boring into yours “What?”
“I want you to cum inside of me.” A rather deep thrust “Your babies, I want them, I don’t care.”
“Oh goodness.” Jake grunted, his hips moving almost manically “You’ll be the death of me.”
You pulled him into a kiss which wasn’t exactly one, you two were just moaning and breathing into each other’s mouths.
“Are you sure, love?” He asked, drops of sweat coating his forehead, his bangs sticking to it “We can’t undo this.”
“I’m so sure.” You moaned out “Cum inside of me.”
At those words, Jake shot his load deep inside of you, filling you up with his warm seed.
You whimpered, grasping his forearm when the orgasm hit you as well, making you clench around him.
He held you against the wall, both of you trying to catch your breaths.
You smiled and removed one bang from his eye, caressing his cheek with your thumb “This was the craziest shit I’ve ever done.”
You slowly rocked your hips, needing to feel him more, needing his cum to stay inside of you.
Jake groaned and rested his forehead on yours “Damn baby, if this is how it’ll end up every time you visit, I hope you do it more often.”
#enhypen#enhypen smut#enhypen fics#enhypen au#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#enhypen x reader#sim jake#jake hard thoughts#jake hard hours#sim jake aus#sim jake hard thoughts#sim jake hard hours#sim jake smut#jake smut#sim jaeyun smut#jake x reader#sim jake x reader#sim jaeyun fics#sim jaeyun x reader#jaeyun x reader#sim jaeyun hard hours#sim jaeyun scenarios#jake scenarios#jake enhypen#enhypen jake#sim jake enhypen#sim jaeyun enhypen#jaeyun enhypen#sim jake scenarios
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The Lucky One
Part 1 (of 2) | Sebastian Vettel x Reader
Summary: Formula One had been your dream and your goal ever since you were a kid, and you did all you had to in order to achieve it. Between ups and downs, Sebastian becomes a steady presence despite being your complicated frenemy relationship. Until everything comes crashing down. Formula One gives, but Formula One takes.
Word count: 6.5k
Tags: female!reader, driver reader, reader is mirrorball coded, coming of age, cursing, romance, both are assholes, smut, +18, complicated feelings, rivals to lovers, crash, major injury, medical innacuracies, bittersweet ending, not beta read
Relationship: Sebastian Vettel x Reader
Note: This is fully inspired by the song, and throughout my writing process I realized it also fits mirrorball. This one may require some tissues (especially in part 2). Everything is fictional and I mean no disrespect to Sebastian or his family (they don't exist in this story). Let me know in the comments if you wanna be tagged for part 2. Not proofread. Comments and feedback are welcomed.
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You knew from an early age that charisma could conquer the world, it was a relatively easy taught lesson back in your early karting days. Mum sat you down one day in karting, showing two other kids around. One sitting alone, quietly twinkling with his go-kart, you knew him, Jamie-something, one of the best kids in karting, and you always had fun battles with him, but he was a bit of an odd one out. The other kid mum pointed at was Nick, loud, funny and popular… not that good at karting but a really smart talker. And it showed as he was surrounded by adults and other kids, every bit of attention on him.
You were around 11 when your mum pointed out the difference between the two kids.
“What is different about them, darling?” Mum asked you.
“Jamie is alone… And Nick is surrounded by people.”
“And why do you think that is?”
“I don’t know, Mama…” You said, scratching your brain to try and reply.
“Jamie is not very good with people, right? He’s a bit of an introvert…” Your mum said, quite somberly, “And Nick, he’s charismatic, see how he manages to grab everyone's attention?” As you nodded, your mum kept talking, “There are greater chances of Nick making far in motorsports, rather than Jamie.”
“But it’s not fair! Jamie is much better…”
“I know, darling… But you’ll see that motorsports is not fair at all. And unfortunately, if you really want to go far in this career, you’ll have to do everything they want and more. Being a good driver won’t be enough.”
“Why not, mama?” You asked, pouting.
“Because everybody loves pretty and everybody loves cool.”
-
Over the next few years of your teens, you learned to adapt, not only in karting, then single seaters, then Formula categories, not only as a driver, but as a person. You were fun, charming, and after a few years, it came to you easily. Laugh at his joke, that’s a sponsor. Smile at the journalists and they’ll write you as the future of motorsport. Be funny, but not too funny to the point they won’t take you seriously. Smile, but not too much so they don’t think you’re flirting. Be smart about your sport, but not too smart so they won’t feel emasculated. Take good care of your career and your every step, but don’t let them know so they won’t call you manipulative. Never be angry, never lash out, never be curt.
Nobody ever thought about you as a carefully crafted person, because even that was planned out. No one called you fake. They always thought you were that person: funny, smart and pretty like a 60’s queen.
You made it to Formula 1 at the age 23, a little late but you had accounted for that, being a woman and all. You were a damn good driver, but really it was your charm that put you there. You knew that your presence was good PR for the Federation. Look how inclusive we are!
After substituting a driver twice in the 2014 season, you were signed in 2015 for Toro Rosso, rookie you and rookie Max Verstappen, who was much younger than you. You and him got along well, but you couldn’t help but think how he got the chance to join Formula 1 much younger than you, having had almost the same career path in earlier categories. The only difference? You were a woman.
But you didn’t let that outshine your happiness of making it to Formula 1.
Soon you got in everyone’s good graces, charming your way through motorsports like you had been doing your whole career. Your first ever race as an official driver on the grid, there was this sense of relief, of making it to the ultimate dream. All that you had endured was worth it in that glorious moment.
You managed a little friendship with most drivers, getting to chat with them despite your rivalry on the track. You end up getting two podiums that season, brilliantly going down in history.
Well into your first official season, somehow the nickname “Principessa” caught on after an Italian newspaper wrote a praiseful cover article about how you managed to be classy and talented in your rookie year at Toro Rosso.
Life was a dream come true all the way to 2016, when you realized, Sebastian Vettel didn’t like you much. You thought it was just a distance thing, since you two weren’t used to talking that much. Until you overheard him talking about you with Nico, one of the drivers he was always talking to.
“I’m just not really interested…” Sebastian sounded reluctant.
“She’s really nice once you get to chat with her,” Nico said, as you hid behind a pile of tyres, “Vivian adores her, she even sent her a basket of goodies because of the pregnancy.”
“I understand. But me and her don’t click,” Sebastian mumbled, sounding annoyed.
“And why not?”
“She’s fake. A perfect PR doll, and I don’t like it.”
There was a long silence from Nico, probably shocked at the sudden harshness of Sebastian’s towards someone he had barely opened up to meet. You stood there frozen for a couple of seconds, not understanding his aversion to you.
Snapping out of it, you silently walked away without them noticing you were ever there. You couldn’t believe how, or why Sebastian could see right through you, how he could say that stuff when he had barely talked to you. But worst of all, you couldn’t understand his aversion to you, being against you.
“Having a quiet day?” Nico asked later that day, at the drivers parade as you stood a bit quieter than usual, still in your head about Sebastian’s words.
“Oh, no! Just a bit hungry!” You lied with a believable smile, “How’s Vivian?” You decided to change the subject.
Later that year, you had a great, almost competitive car, which had taken you to P3 in the championship standings, with a real, consistent chance of fighting for the championship.
Unfortunately for you, after the fourth to last race of the season, one race you had finished first place, you and part of your team were called in to talk with the representatives of the FIA because of an irregular part of your car. It was a minimal part of the livery that connected with the air vents, they said it was irregular, and despite the team showing proof that you had gained no advantage out of that, you were still punished with disqualification from that race.
It wasn’t just the problem of being DSQ, but not making points in that race meant you were out of the fight for the championship.
It felt like a punch in the face. Unjustifiable and an arbitrary decision.
After that disqualification, that came out right after the race had ended, Sebastian was the one to inherit that win, and a small part of him wanted to check on you, just because those kinds of disqualifications were a blow to the confidence of a driver.
Sebastian walked into your driver’s room and the first thing he noticed were the objects thrown around on the floor, a flipped table and chair. Chess pieces and boards on the floor, along with water bottles and towels, he looked around and you were sitting in a corner, on the floor, tears streaming down your face as you tried to wipe them with trembling hands, but the tears kept coming down.
It sent Sebastian into some sort of shock, he knew you for around three years now, and he had never seen you cry, or be angry, or even annoyed. You were always happy and bubbly… And now… It was like you were someone else, so painfully real, multifaceted for the first time.
“Hey… you-” He wasn’t even sure of what to say.
“They took my chances from me…” You said, voice trembling and a fresh stream of tears, “they did it on purpose. They did it to keep me where I am, to keep me on a leash, to not let me become a World Champion.”
“I’m so sorry…” He knelt down by your side, unsure of what to do or say.
“I did everything right. Played by their rules. I smiled, and I danced like a circus monkey, and I clapped even when I shouldn’t… I took it silently even when they threw spears at my chest. I swallowed my pride countless times to be here. I did everything right…” You knew you were rambling, to someone who probably didn’t even like you, but you couldn’t stop, the burning rage that brought tears to your eyes was stronger than anything you ever felt.
Sebastian didn’t know what to say, too shocked by the view of the real you that he could barely wrap his head around it. There was anger in your eyes, sadness, but somewhat a sprinkle of despair too. So he did the only thing his mind could think of, he hugged you. A little awkwardly, but a hug nonetheless. He felt your tears dampening his shirt, your hands fisting the material as if you were drowning and he was the only lifebuoy left. The sobs rocked your shaky frame and he held you for a long time, until someone from the team came to check on you. Then Sebastian hesitantly let go of you, despite your fingers still gripping his shirt, he pulled back, astonished.
As he left, stunned, he couldn’t even remember the reason he had gone there in the first place.
You only saw Sebastian again, the following race weekend, during media day. You were sitting on a box, drinking some water, your legs dangling in the air. You looked like you always did, bubbly, content, hair in place, light makeup…
Despite everything, and the memories being a little blurry, you didn’t forget what Sebastian had done for you. But even though the support was nice at the time, you couldn’t help but feel an immense amount of shame and embarrassment for what he had witnessed. Your mask had slipped, and you didn’t know how to proceed in this new, unknown territory.
In the end, you opted for deflection.
“Hey,” Sebastian approached you, looking slightly worried, “how…” he cleared his throat, “how have you been?” There was a silent question there, a silent approach to everything that had transpired the other day.
“Hi? Yeah, I’m alright, thanks!” You said with a bright smile, but now Sebastian could see it never reached your eyes. You hopped off the box you were sitting on, starting to walk away.
“Um- about the other day…?” Sebastian tried to breach the subject, unsure of how you would react.
“Oh, that? It was silly, just forget about it!” You kept smiling, your voice was cheerful, but your eyes betrayed that. You kept walking away, eating fruits and Sebastian ran up to you again, confused about you brushing under the rug something that was a pretty big deal.
“No, uh- how-” He wanted to think of something to say, but your smile dimmed a little bit as you looked at him.
“Let’s forget about that. And please don’t pity me.” You said with that same frozen smile and Sebastian frowned. He wasn’t pitying you, he was genuinely worried about that.
You walked away before he could say anything else. He was shocked at you dismissing so easily a full blown breakdown you had the week before. He had spent days thinking about you, not because he enjoyed any of it, he didn’t, but because he saw you for the first time. The real you. The ugly and painful parts, but it was so, so genuine, he knew that was the real you, with an honest reaction to something that hurt and upset you. He saw something he had never seen in you before, and he couldn’t get that version of you out of his head.
It was obvious you didn’t want to talk about that, or even address it. And Sebastian wasn’t going to press for answers, because in the end, he didn’t even like you particularly. He didn’t. And in the media pen, when a reporter asked you about the penalty that took you out of the championship competition, you smiled politely.
“Oh, I believe the FIA did the right thing, if I was accidentally irregular, that’s what should have been done. No complaints on my part or on behalf of my team,” You said into the mic, seeing in their faces that no one expected that response. Sebastian kept staring at you, in disbelief.
“Well, I for one,” Sebastian said after a few shocked seconds, “think that her disqualification was bullshit.”
The room burst out laughing, even you. A fake laugh, but since no one could tell, it was still a laugh. Saving your tears for some other time, alone and quiet, away from prying eyes.
Despite everything, you and Sebastian didn’t become closer, but in some way he just decided to open up to you a little bit more, as opposed to what he had been doing these past few years. He still wasn’t a friend or a close acquaintance, but he was less closed off and less short towards you. There was a silent acknowledgement of each other in public settings, a quiet nod or polite smile here and there.
It wasn’t until a few weeks later that he was about to leave the hotel to go to a dinner during the week of the Malaysian GP, when he got into the elevator and as he got to the first floor, you stumbled into the small space, reeking of alcohol and makeup a little smeared. He called your name, in such shock he forgot to hop out and the elevator started going up again.
“What,” You said, holding yourself steady against the elevator wall. Sebastian was shocked, that was another facet of you, raw and belling with the persona you usually sold the world.
“Are you okay?” He asked, the elevator stopping on your floor.
“I’m fine,” you said, stumbling out of the elevator in your high heels, Sebastian couldn’t help but also step out, grabbing your arm to steady you, “I said I’m fine!” You said, drunkenly stomping your foot.
“No, you’re not. Come on, give me your key.” Sebastian said, with a voice that left no space for arguing.
You tried to be stubborn, but he just grabbed your purse and started fumbling with it until he grabbed your key-card. Holding your arm, he guided you to your hotel suite. Once inside, he placed you sitting on an armchair, and as he knelt in front of you to remove your shoes, you plopped back against the backrest.
“No, no,” he said, tossing your heels away and pulling your arms so you’d sit up straight, “No sleeping yet, come on. I didn’t pick you for a drinker.”
“And I didn’t pick you for a nosy asshole” You snapped back.
“Well, well, well, isn’t motorsports’ favorite doll hiding a foul mouth?” He said, holding you up, guiding you to the bathroom.
“Don’t call me that!”
“Well, isn’t that what you are? We both know the truth, Principessa.” There was some bitterness to the way he said the nickname. You were not particularly fond of the nickname either, but the way he said it, with disgust, it rubbed you the wrong way.
“Why are you here?” You asked slowly.
“Why are you hammered on a Tuesday night?” He held you up, putting you on your feet and calmly leading you to the bathroom.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
Sebastian pressed his lips together at your deflection, deep down he knew. More than anyone he knew you were just pretending to be okay with being taken out of the fight for the championship. He knew you were hurting. He also wanted to tell you that wasn’t the way to go about it, but at the end of the day, you two weren’t really close.
“Get in the shower. Cold.” He said, walking out of the bathroom and closing the door behind himself.
He could hear the sound of the water running, so he went to the phone and ordered soup and tea from room service. He sat down on the armchair, somewhat worried about you. He had gone through that before, but he was also four times world champion, compared to you who was just in your second year, losing the opportunity to fight for the championship for a mistake that wasn’t yours and that was completely out of your hands.
You left the bathroom dressed in a fluffy robe, face clean off of remnants of makeup. But your eyes were puffy and red, and he wondered if you were crying in the shower. He didn’t ask.
“Since you look a little more sober, I’m going. Room service will bring you something to eat and something non-alcoholic to drink.”
You sat on the couch opposite to him, feeling a little better and a bit more sober. You watched as he got up, his blue eyes never leaving yours. You had many questions. But the most important one was why he was there. Why was he taking care of you? You knew he didn’t like you, he knew you knew it too. Before you could ask any of it, he walked towards the door.
“Thank you,” You mumbled. He only nodded, not bothering to look back at you. It was a quiet murmur, but some part of you hoped he knew that thank you wasn’t about just this instance, but also the time he consoled you when no one else did.
The rest of the season, you managed to get ahold of yourself since you knew, keeping wallowing in self pity would get you nowhere. So you focused on finishing the season better. Sebastian and you also didn’t grow particularly close in the following months, despite sometimes meeting his eyes across the room. There was always this underlying tension between you, like two people that knew a secret but swore to not talk about it.
During the Prize Giving Ceremony, you were mingling with some drivers, members of the team and from the FIA. You were known for being the life of the party, usually a social butterfly, always making connections and meeting new people.
But then, you made a small pause to grab a drink and some air, sitting down on a bench, when Sebastian made his way to you, a somewhat bright smile directed to you as he crossed the room. It was the first time he had ever directed that kind of smile to you. He looked like he had drunk a little bit.
“You look tipsy,” You pointed out as soon as he stopped before you. He grinned.
“High quality champagne,” Sebastian replied, sitting on the bench beside you, raising his flute for a toast. You replied by clicking your flute against his.
You two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, watching the party in full swing.
“You’re back to your old self,” Sebastian pointed out, suddenly. But it didn’t sound like a compliment nor a critique. So you didn’t reply, unsure of what he meant.
“Well, we all do what we gotta do,” You shrugged gently, with a small smile as you turned to face him and his bright blue eyes were already on your face.
“But, you know, it’s good to remember you’re very lucky to be here,” he said.
His words made you stop, your smile fading and that almost accomplice glinting in your eyes completely disappeared. And Sebastian frowned confused, seeing the way you put up your walls again, back to the frozen, fake smile you usually gave the media.
Lucky. You hated that word. You hated how everyone used to say you got lucky to be there. You got lucky to get into Formula 1. You got lucky to be a successful driver. Rarely did anyone mention the efforts you had to put into becoming that. The early mornings training, the absurd amount of time and distance away from your family. All the metaphorical slaps you had to endure with a straight face. Then you realized, Sebastian saw you just the way everyone else saw you. You were lucky, your spot was a gift not the consequence of your efforts.
And Sebastian noticed the shift in your expression in that very moment. He hadn’t meant to offend, and he wasn’t even sure why his words had ticked you off, but he could see. He was probably the only one in that whole room who could tell the real you from your persona, mostly due to the fact that he had seen the real you a couple of times.
“Princess, I-” He started again, but you cut him off.
“Don’t.”
He watched as you stood up, gave him a polite smile and a nod, before sauntering away.
The following year, your car was improved, and even better than the year before, you were up there in the stands, and after a third of the season, you and the team knew you were a contender for the championship. You did everything in your power to be the world champion that year. Your main competitor was Lewis Hamilton. Somehow, despite the fierce battles on track, you two managed to maintain a certain level of respect outside it. Probably because you two were different kinds of minority in that sport, or because he had learned a lesson with how everything had come down with Rosberg. Funnily enough, you two had managed a somewhat friendship that very year.
You and Sebastian, on the other hand, grew more distant than ever, and you barely spoke that year. You two kept this cold, polite façade in front of the media and other drivers.
Battle after battle, the media pressure only grew on your shoulders, you weren’t just a pretty face for the sponsors to plaster your face around, you showed a real driver existed behind that persona. And it pissed some people off, just because now you were a woman playing a big man’s sport. They nitpicked every mistake you made if you had made some, or they diminished your every win if you didn’t make a mistake. Because you were lucky. You were lucky that one time Vettel DNFed. You were lucky this one time Lewis Hamilton crashed out. You were lucky your tyres were better during some overtakes. You were lucky for that good pitstop.
When you became World Champion that year, during the Mexican GP, it had all been worth it to endure. The weight of the trophy in your hands, the way you hugged it to your chest in the top step of the podium, crying as the other drivers splashed you with champagne, that was the taste of the years of dedication paying off.
The celebrations were wild, the team, some of the other drivers, everyone congratulated you. You were at a nightclub, drink in hand when suddenly Sebastian Vettel appeared out of nowhere. You supposed all drivers were invited, but you didn’t expect him to actually show up.
He walked up at you, loose shirt, messy hair and flushed face. Biting his lip to hide a smile, that genuine smile he had given you only once since you met him. And Sebastian had never seen you so beautiful. He knew you were always pretty, like you were some sort of model, but in that moment, you looked genuinely happy, and the smile you could barely contain in your face made you even more stunning than you already were.
“Congratulations, Principessa,” He smiled, stopping beside you. At that moment, you didn’t even remember that you were ever upset with him, that you had barely spoken the whole season. He remembered very well that feeling of being champion, the relief and happiness.
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry about what I said last year. I never meant to diminish you. And later on I understood why you felt upset by it.” Sebastian said, firmly. It made you feel validated, and it was nice that he had realized on his own.
“It’s okay. It’s water under the bridge.”
Sebastian nodded, understanding. You both went back to the party. And later that night you two were dancing on the dance floor with some other people. You were not physically close, more like jumping up and down and singing, facing each other, laughing. But there was that spark in each other’s eyes again, like there was a funny secret you two were keeping.
That’s how you two ended up going to his hotel, sitting silently in the back of a car, the windows a bit rolled down and the fresh air of the night hitting your faces. This silent tension that had always been brewing reached a boiling point. None of you moved or said anything, afraid of breaking the spell even on the way up to his floor. But the moment you crossed the threshold of his hotel room, you tiptoed to him, kissing him. He kicked the door shut, one arm around your waist as he pulled up to his height so he could properly kiss you. The other hand on the back of your head, pressing you further into him as if he wanted to merge with you, his lips and tongue coaxing yours open, his kiss all tongue and teeth as if he was starved for you. You two stumbled inside, but Sebastian managed to keep you upright by pressing you against a small side table, while you two laughed at his clumsiness.
When he put you down again, he reached for the back of your tube dress, tugging the zipper down, but it got stuck and he muttered a curse, which made you laugh again against his neck.
“Sorry about this,” he said, before forcefully tugging the dress, which made it rip off, and the dress fell down, pooled at your feet, leaving you naked in only your panties and shoes. He took a moment to take in your figure, humming appreciatively.
You took a step forward, removing his shirt without a second thought, followed by you also fumbling with his belt. You two were giggling when finally all clothes were out of the way and Sebastian pulled you into his arms, kissing you deeply before pushing you into the bed. His lips around your nipples as his hands teased your body, touching, groping, feeling the smoothness of your skin.
When he climbed up, holding your head so you would look at him while his fingers fucked you open, there was this deep sense of intimacy in his eyes as he watched you. Then finally, he got on top of you, holding one of your thighs up against his waist and he sank down, in one deep stroke as you two moaned. His movements were slow and hard, enjoying every little thing about you. The soft sounds you made, your dilated pupils, the way your cunt fluttered around him when he hit a particularly perfect spot.
It didn’t take you long to come, your hands around his waist, nails sinking into his back. After you did, he knelt back, pulling your legs up, ankles by his shoulders as he then went even faster with each thrust, your moans growing louder as you went careening into a second orgasm, and soon he followed behind you, biting on your ankle to muffle his groans.
“Damn…” He sighed, breathless as he plopped on the bed right beside you.
“Damn is right…” You laughed.
After that, you two got in the shower, kissing and making out like teenagers, until he bent you over the glass wall, fucking you again until you two came again, your back to his chest and his hand down your front to tease you clit.
When you two fell on the bed again, you were out like a light.
The following morning you woke up painfully early, his arms around you as you situated yourself, when you checked your phone, you realized you were late to catch your flight. So you carefully removed yourself from his arms without waking him up, stole some clothes from his suitcase since your dress was ruined, and left in a cab.
You didn’t speak about through the final two races of the season and not at all during winter break. A small part of you had expected him to say something about what had happened. You were not sure what.
As the new season started the following year, the underlying tension between you now had a new kind of meaning behind it. Since you couldn’t look at each other and not think of that night. Of his hands tightening on your ass, of your nails scratching his back.
You decided to leave it all behind, focusing on the season and trying to strike that second consecutive championship. It was hard, it wasn’t that your car was bad, per se, but it was unreliable. Sometimes you were about to win a race when it suddenly had some sort of malfunction or some kind of shut down that had you DNF a race you should’ve won. Despite that, you made the best of it, achieving a couple of podiums and eventually, your first win of the season.
That night, you met with Sebastian again, the first real conversation ever since what had happened the year before.
“Congratulations on the win,” He said with a smile.
“You too, congrats on the win last week.”
And just as the first time, soon you two were wrapped around each other in the elevator, lost in a desperate kiss. Kisses and giggles as you made your way stumbling to your hotel room. This time, he had you bent over the bed, hands on the mattress as he knelt down eating you out for the life of him until you had come fisting the sheets, then he got up and fucked you from behind.
You two laid on the bed, breathless and with a thin layer of sweat as he pulled you closer, a palm over your stomach, tracing all dips and curves lazily.
“Here we are again,” Sebastian whispered, and you looked at his eyes, shining blue and flushed face.
“Seems like we keep coming back for more…” You pointed out, with a laugh.
He was about to say something when his phone rang, and he found his jeans and picked up the call. You just watched as he started speaking on the phone, quickly grabbing his clothes and starting to dress up again.
“I’m sorry,” He said after finishing the call, buttoning up his pants, “We have a photoshoot to do, and I had completely forgotten about it.”
“It’s fine,” You said, sitting up on the bed.
He paused for a moment, looking at you all naked and debauched on the bed, looking especially delicious. Sebastian wished at that moment he could have taken a picture to keep with him forever while you looked like a goddess. He just pecked your lips, deep and fast, before scurrying off. A stupid smile in both of your faces that you couldn’t see.
Weirdly enough, you didn’t talk about that again. It was like you were two different people in other settings, but back in the motorsport world, you had no opening or desire to be that two people that stole kisses in hotel rooms. But the silent glances were still there, a knowing look exchanged. You didn’t grow any closer out of those brief moments in space and time.
As the season progressed, you got a somewhat grip on the car, even reaching second place in the standings for the WDC.
Your encounters with Sebastian also kept happening, at least once a month. You didn’t talk much about the nature of your relationship, about what it meant, or why it kept happening. It felt like you two were always focused on making the most of the little time you had. One of you would always leave in the middle of the night or early in the morning, without waking up the other, like a silent agreement.
Still, you had a growing feeling that Sebastian didn’t like you outside those fleeting moments. And you knew that those things could happen, you could have great bed chemistry and still not be friends or not particularly be fond of someone. Just sex. It was what you told yourself every time you had to see him be cold and distant during race weeks. You couldn’t help but remember those few years back when he called you a perfect PR doll in a conversation. The harshness in his voice when he talked about you that day still haunted you sometimes.
It all came to a head after you won consecutively the three races in the triple header, and the media was eating that up. But unfortunately, Sebastian had two DNFs and a qualifying so awful that he only managed to finish the last race P8. During the following media day, which had both of you in the same panel, you were asked some questions regarding your recent wins and the perspective of the championship. After replying, there was a small scoff that Sebastian’s mic caught.
“Anything to add to her reply, Sebastian?” The journalist asked.
“No, nothing much…” Sebastian scoffed, “I mean, with Red Bull’s rocketship, winning is what’s expected of it, no?”
The words hit you like a punch, and it took a herculean effort to keep a straight face and seem unaffected. But the wave of silence and tension that followed was enough to show that everyone had caught that jab. Lewis even muttered a disappointed “man…” to Sebastian, away from the mic.
You didn’t look at Sebastian again during that conference, but at that point he could tell your real smile from the fake one. He could see the discreet clench of your jaw and he knew deep down that he had fucked up massively.
That’s why that weekend after the race, one you had placed P3, he went to your motorhome before leaving the paddock, knocking on the door quickly. He waited for you to open the door, hoping and praying you had not left yet. When you finally did, dressed in casual clothes, probably about to leave, he could see the surprise on your face that you had not expected to see him there. You looked around to check if anyone was seeing that before pulling him inside.
“What do you want? Be quick.” You said, finishing packing your bag and barely looking at him.
“I’m sorry about what I said during media day. That was fucked up.” He said, carefully.
“Oh, fuck off, Sebastian…” You scoffed, “we both know you just said what has always been on your mind.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He frowned.
“Don’t play dumb now, Sebastian. Everyone knows. I know and so do you.”
“Know what?” He frowned, taking a step closer.
“That you hate me!” You exploded, turning to face him.
“Is that what you think?!” He asked, offended, “You think I’d have sex with someone I hate?”
“It never stopped anyone before…” You said, rolling your eyes, “Let’s be honest here. All the secrecy, all the never talking about it, never calling or texting before or after… I’m just the ‘Perfect Fake PR doll’ that you don’t like.”
As soon as the words came out of your mouth, Sebastian frowned, but after a few seconds he remembered that he had said those exact words about you, with such annoyance and disgust. That was farthest from the truth, and he couldn’t dare to repeat those words now that he had seen so many raw, genuine parts of you.
“Listen, I just…” He sighed, “I just hate all this fakeness you sell. All this acting and playing a part.”
“It is survival!”
“Survival?” He scoffed, not buying your words, “you pretend to be someone you’re not to appease the world.”
“You wouldn’t ever know what this is about, Sebastian. You’re Formula One’s dream man. You’re the straight white guy they want, the perfect image for motorsports. Be fucking real with me. Do you think if I had half the attitude you do, I’d be treated like you? No, I’d be ostracized,” You said, eyes shining in defensiveness, like he was the enemy you had to pretend to, “I will do what I can to stay here. I do what I can to still have a seat and a career here. Everything I do, is to be perfect, to appease the audience, the sponsors, the FIA, everything, and I still have to deal with misogyny. I still have to hear people saying I should go back to the kitchen. So no, I won’t change.” It was like a dam had broken and you had to put out everything you felt, every pain you had regarding that.
Sebastian sighed, scratching his head. He had fucked up even more, because it had never gone through his head any of that. He had never thought of the backlash you must face, being a woman, about the difficulties to fit, to be accepted in an environment heavily made of older white men that liked things to stay the way they were.
“You got to see the real me, I let myself be vulnerable and genuine with you. God knows the reason why you have seen me more than anyone else has. And you get out there with your full chest implying that I’m winning because of the car, when you know the car has been unreliable and I’m bending over backwards to make this shitbox win races…” Your voice was shaken but you refused to let him see you cry again. That had become ammo in his arsenal one time, you wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again.
“I…” He stuttered like he had just been hit with that knowledge, ashamed that he had never stopped to think about any of that.
“You can hate me all you want, Sebastian. You can tell me you’d rather me be genuine, but I need to wear armor. Out there? I’ll still be the PR Doll you like to call me if it means I get to stay.”
“Principessa, I’m just so-” He started but you cut him off again.
“Just get out, Sebastian. This,” you pointed between you two, “was a mistake to begin with. We both know where we stand with each other.”
“I don’t hate you.” He said, suddenly.
“Right. You need to go.” You rolled your eyes.
“I need you to believe me in this. I don’t hate you.” He repeated, slowly, blue eyes pleading.
“Leave, Sebastian.” You said, not leaving room for argument. He took two steps back, knowing he wasn’t going to get through to you at that moment.
“I don’t hate you,” He said one last time, before turning around and leaving.
Let me know in the comments if you wanna be tagged for part 2!
#f1 fanfic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1 fic#f1#formula one#sebastian vettel#sebastian vettel x reader#sebastian vettel x you#sv5#sv5 x reader#Spotify
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Hello sweet toxic! May I pretty please have an age gap fic or drabble with game version of Jackson Joel ( my favorite long and grey haired man )!
Maybe something where in the beginning Joel comes off as shy and nervous and sweet but once he and reader get together he’s got the nastiest fucking mouth she’s ever heard once he’s confident that she likes him as a love interest
parts
JOEL x f!READER | 1.8k
"He scanned you head to toe, then let out an alright fine sigh. 'Tonight, ya can leave any time. Ya’ain’t mine yet, so ya don’t gotta do anything I say...'"
NOTES: Hi sweet nonnie ❤️ I watched some tlou 2 gameplay for this, so I hope it helped. idk if I met the "love" interest part but she makes her interest known. Joel is quiet, then dom / dirty
WARNINGS: 18+ Age gap (Joel 60s/reader 20s-40s), objectification of reader, slutty descriptions of men as usual. Joel calls her "honey" and one time, "little girl" (condescending). Beginnings of D/s dynamic, no arrangement, no consummation. Joel holds out, a little grumpy/mean. talk of being owned. degradation, praise, body/pussy inspection.
He stood like a man who no one could bother. Stone cold and solid, with a face that always meant business. His clothes were rugged and worn-in like a cowboy, and the obscenity of his tight jeans left nothing to the imagination, from the back or the front.
The first time you became aware of him, it was from behind, and you did a double take. He ran a hand down the back of his head, smoothing his shoulder-length mane with his other hands on his hip. He was talking to Tommy, and when you heard his voice, the twang put you at ease. He sounded like a nice guy, nicer than he looked.
Your first time at the mess hall, he was kind enough to show you around. You took that as a go-ahead to follow him around anywhere. You began to watch him around Jackson. Not exactly stalking him, but you didn't have anyone else to latch onto. You learned where he went, and you happened to go there too. You were full of questions about how things worked. He always took it seriously. He was a good teacher and didn’t seem interested in anything but helping you when you wanted help.
He taught you how to ride a horse—he must not have noticed you arrived on one. Your loins buzzed as he demonstrated how to sit. His big hands on the reins and the horn were enough to make you wet, but the bulge of his jeans and the way it shifted as he started off at a slow walk. “Now look close, okay? See how I hold it?” You were looking very close.
He taught you how to shoot. Stood behind you and you never felt more safe than holding a pistol with his arms around yours, his chest against your back.
“Attagirl,” he said when you shot the glass bottle target. “Look at that,” he marveled.
To be fair, you weren’t (just) trying to get him in bed. You had lost your traveling party and you joined another one but you felt like the odd one out. It never felt like you had someone to look out for you, specifically you. You hadn’t felt the affection or encouragement of a big, capable man in a long time.
Still, there was no denying you had a crush on him. It felt like a shock that he didn’t have women following him around in droves, until you got to know him and found out he was pretty shy. He didnt't seem to have much interest in anything but practicalities and survival. He was sweet, but never crossed a line.
Even when you started crossing some yourself. He took you on an errand one day, and he was buckling in your seatbelt, and you stopped is hand. You put his hand on your thigh, and watched his face. He kept the same, composed expression, but he couldn’t hide the blush that rose to his cheeks. He left his hand there on your thigh for a moment, then pulled away without acknowledging your move. The time it took him to move his hand made you think he liked it there. It was as though he didn’t want to take it the wrong way, wasn't sure your intentions. He cleared his throat, finished buckling you in, and ran his hand over his smooth, gray hair. It was always so well-kept. You had to wonder what it’d look like first thing in the morning,
One night, at the tipsy bison, you came in by yourself in a short dress. He looked you up and down and gave you a curious look, but didn’t acknowledge you. He was talking to Tommy. Tommy craned his neck to get a look, raised his eyebrows, and gave you a nod before grinning at his brother and resuming their conversation. Tommy was hot, too, but he was taken. Otherwise you’d love to see him in nothing but that ponytail. You sat at the other end of the bar and Joel tried not to look at you, but Tommy gave you a wink.
Another night, you showed up to the mess hall too late for dinner, and he was on his way out. He lived close enough and offered to make you something at his place, no problem.
When you came inside, you took off your boots, he took your coat, and when he finished hanging it up, he looked back to see you in a thin, low cut shirt and no bra. His mouth hung open and you gave him a flirtatious smile, as though to say, what?
“Ya’ain’t cold, are ya?” He asked with a pink hue creeping up his neck. He rubbed his beard.
“No, are you?” You asked.
“No,” he muttered, then composed himself and went to the kitchen alone.
When he came to serve dinner, your eyes were on his jeans. The heft of his manhood was always apparent, but there seemed to have been some growth in the time since you’d been at his house. You leaned over the table as you ate your meal, and he tried to keep his eyes off your chest. It was a small, round table, and there wasn’t much of anywhere else to look. He looked at his meal as he ate. You looked at his forearms.
After he finished eating, he dabbed each corner of his mouth with his napkin, folded it, dabbed his beard, and cleared his throat. Meanwhile, your foot nudged his ankle. His face darkened. Your foot moved up his pants, and reached the seat of his chair. He didn’t bat your foot away, but he didn’t look at you until your foot slid right up his thigh and gently nudged the hard bulge in his jeans.
His strong chest heaved, and he didn’t make a move, but his face was reddening as he cleaned his hands with the same napkin.
He looked up as he finished wiping his hands. “Think I’m your plaything, little girl?” He harshly smacked the cloth napkin down on the table, then his strong hand wrapped around your entire foot in his lap. His eyes darkened with a forward tilt of his head, and his voice took on an edge. “Or you tryin’ to be mine?”
You rubbed your lips together and looked at him fondly. He raised his eyebrow to prod for a response.
“Wanna be yours,” you answered matter-of-factly.
“You dunno what you want, girl.” He pushed your foot away, then adjusted himself.
When he stood up to take the dirty dishes, the silhouette in his jeans made you throb. He did the dishes, and when he was finished, he opened a beer.
He walked through the dining area on his way to the living room. “Still here,” he muttered, but didn’t stop to talk. He sat down on the sofa and turned on the radio, not inviting you to join him.
You joined him anyway.
You sat on the sofa, not too close, with your hands folded in your lap.
“You wanna know what it means to be mine?” Joel asked.
“Yes, please,” you answered.
“It means I own you,” he said.
“Okay,” you agreed. “I’m yours.”
He looked at you skeptically. "I’ain’t agreed to own ya yet,” he clarified. "Ain't just something ya do. Takes work from both'a us."
"of course," you acknowledged.
“Gotta know it’s somethin’ ya really want, and if it is, we’ll agree on some rules, safe words and shit.”
“Okay,” you agreed excitedly.
He scanned you head to toe, then let out an alright fine sigh. “Tonight, ya can leave any time. Ya’ain’t mine yet, so ya don’t gotta do anything I say, okay?”
You nodded.
“But later on if ya *are* mine, you do what I say, when I say it.”
He was so serious and official about this, it sounded like he was briefing his men for some kind of operation.
“Okay” you agreed.
"so what's it mean to be mine?" He asked.
you shrugged. "You do what you want with me."
He nodded hesitantly.
“It means I take care'a ya, protect ya, and I own your body. it ain’t yours anymore,” he looked you up and down. “It’s mine,” he stated emphatically. “*if* I decide I want it.”
“Why wouldn’t you?” You asked.
He blew out air through puffed cheeks as if there was a long list.
“Ain’t got patience for brats.”
”I can be good,” you promised.
”Ain’t got patience for tears either. Too distracting out here, still gotta focus on survivin'.'
You tried not to show your worry.
”Ain’t sure ya can handle it,” he admitted
"Ain’t lookin to break in some tight little pussy while she cries and bleeds, either.” he cocked an eyebrow at you, and grabbed the massive protrusion in his jeans. “This ain’t no joke, honey. I don’t wanna hurt ya.”
“I’m not a virgin,” you insisted.
“Yeah? Well ya better fit four fingers 'fore ya 'spect me to try it."
“And I promise I’ll do what you say.”
Joel sighed. “Alright, take your clothes off.." He held up his hands to acknowledge your freedom "OR leave, and we’ll forget this ever happened”
You obediently stripped.
He took sips of his beer as he watched your body emerge from your clothes. “Alright,” he nodded. “Good girl.”
Once you were bare naked, he instructed you to turn around. You did just as he asked.
“God damn,” he whispered. “Now, c’mere.”
With him manspreading on the sofa, he made you stand between his knees and bend over.
“Spread your pussy for me,” he demanded.
You hesitated.
“Don’t have to,” he reminded you.
You reached back and tried to do it with one hand, one finger on each side of the lips. “Like this?”
”Both hands, darlin’. “
You spread your pussy lips for him with both hands.
”Good girl,” he said. “Wide as ya can. Wanna see your parts if they’re gonna be mine.”
You pulled wider
He let out a low whistle. “Juicy little thing. Sure would like to use it...But I’m thinkin’ it might not fit, honey.”
“Why don’t you try it?” You asked.
You turned around and tried to straddle him. He visibly tensed. You reached for the bulge in his jeans.
He snatched your wrist to stop you. “You don’t get to touch me without askin’,” he admonished you. “Notice I didn’t touch you that whole time?”
Your face heated in shame, and his hand loosened. You got off of him.
“That’s enough for tonight,” he said. “I’ll think about it.”
“You’ll think about it? ‘
“I’ll think about it.”
Your eyes were tearing up.
“Ya did good, honey, it’s okay,” he promised. He picked up your clothes and helped dress you. “Just ain’t the kinda choice ya make on the fly. You gotta think about it too, okay?”
You finished getting dressed and nodded.
“I’ll think about it too,” you agreed.
“Good girl,” he answered, rose to his feet, and gave you a kiss on the forehead. Then he got your coat and opened the door. As you began to leave, he stopped you, “Hey,” he lowered his voice. “Ya got a beautiful body. Anyone’d be lucky to own it.”
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Thank you for reading 🖤🖤
#joel miller smut#cw age gap#d/s dynamic#cw objectification#toxicanonymity ☠️#pixel joel#game joel x reader#joel miller x reader#tlou fanfiction
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(tw: war)
Its been on my mind lately that if Stanley left home in the late 60's or early 70's he would have been eligible for the vietnam draft. And that maybe the first time he commited identify fraud was to evade the draft. One of his prison sentences may have even been due to this. The sentence for draft evasion was 5 years, and while we know his time imprisoned in Columbia was due to a heist, we're left in the dark about his other sentences.
Maybe at first, Stanley had intentions of getting his family the money honestly, but the draft threw a wrench into the whole thing and it spiraled him into a life of crime until the postcard came.
Meanwhile, Stanford was exempt because he was enrolled as a college student. University enrollment allowed deferment from the draft until schooling was complete. And if Ford was enrolled in PHD programs until after 1974, he would've never had to report.
I wonder, did Stanford ever watch the news, the riots, and think about his brother potentially being sent to die in a foreign country? Did he care?
Did Stan ever feel like a coward for not going to war? Did he wonder if his family would have thought of him as a hero - if more people would have attended his funeral - if he had died in vietnam instead?
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Twilight's age
When he lied to get into the army, the recruiter questions if he is really 18 years old, to me, he could be at least 14 and at most 15/16 since I think he would have enlisted in the army by the time he reached a minimum height to pass for an 18 year old.
Then I assume he spent some 2/3 years in the army until he reconnected with his friends, so I would put him between 17/18 when he was recruited by WISE.
Twilight says he has 10 years as a spy, I assume he is also counting his years of training, so he would currently be between 27-28 years old, I don't think he is more than a year older than Yor, I see it unlikely that he is actually 26 and younger than her, but I guess the Forger's break a lot of stereotypes of the traditional 60's family.
On the other hand, that's my hc for Twilight's age, however, I think his fake identity of Loid Forger is older than he is, considering for all the world he has a 6 year old daughter, has a college degree, is a respected doctor and has been married twice, I'd say the Loid Forger character is between 32-33 years old. (And I remember reading a fic where Yor realizes that her husband is younger than she thinks he is).
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˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚attention
p.sunghoon 𝒙 f.reader | this work of fiction contains smut ⟡ mdni.
wc ::: around 1.5k sharinote ::: nothing much ! im going to try and make a comeback :( i missed you guys :0 this is like pointless and ranty {1:plot 3:smut}
unbeknownst to him , you're feeling needy upon your boyfriend's return. sunghoon promises you his attention , however , when he can't make good on said promise in a 'timely' manner , you take matters into your own hands.
you gently tapped the heels of your feet against the ground. ‘hoon…’ you softly murmured glancing up to stare at your boyfriend. it was embarrassing — needy wasn't even the word to describe how you felt... more like desperate.
you were desperate for your boyfriends attention.
sunghoon had only returned home a couple of days ago , yet he was already working again. this time he sat in the corner of his bedroom , sleeves rolled up jotting down notes as you sat , idly sinking into his bed.
recently , his schedule had been crowded with so many shoots and promotions — yours on the other hand remained empty: you went to class , listening to far too many lectures before heading into work and coming home to your big , empty bed — wishing you could call your precious boyfriend to come over and snuggle you into the duvet.
that’s not all though. you’d wanted to call him oh so many times.
more than 60% of those time with your fingers pushed inside the warmth of your fluttering cunt as you fucked yourself to the thought of him.
‘sunghoon.’ this time you spoke a but louder , the gentle rocking of your feet came to a halt as you stood up waltzing towards his still busy figure. ‘baby , are you even hearing me?’
he stopped — sunghoon slowly tilted his head up , facing you. ‘what do you mean , sweetheart?’ genuine confusion painted his features as you let out a defeated sigh. ‘i… it’s nothing. s-sorry to interrupt. keep going.’ concern washed over him — noticing your solemn tone. ‘you sure , pretty girl?’ nodding , you cracked a sheepish smile , walking completely out of the room and into his living room.
what’d felt like hours had passed of you sitting alone , feet still gently rocking.
you’d wondered how many pages he’d wrote down now — how many melodies he’d listened to , or how long he’d been sitting there smoothly bouncing his knee as his eyes darted from the screen to his paper.
desperate… you’d reminded yourself. wrong as it felt , when he’d invited you over you were expecting more — more than a couple of hugs and soft kisses.
would it really hurt… if you silently dipped your fingers beneath the waist of your shorts and just ever so slightly touched yourself? not that he'd be doing that for you anytime soon.
just enough to get off until sunghoon frees up… it’s not like he’d be done soon. right?
wrong.
as soon as your fingers breached the barrier of your cotton panties , carefully running along your slit — your boyfriend’s footsteps approached. blissfully unaware , as he stood watching you from the living room’s entrance.
you continued , frantically gasping and pushing the tips of your fingers between the walls of your fluttering cunt. you were already sticky — left hot just by watching him work.
‘mpf! hoon…’ squirming , you whined. slowly you slid the full length of both your ring and middle fingers inside of yourself. ‘a-ah…’ a deep exhale rushed past your lips as you attempted to bite back your moans — fingers repeatedly curling further into your sticky , drooling heat. arousal pooled into the palm over your hand. you'd attempted to mimic sunghoon's scissoring motions with your fingers. however , it only resulted in your fingers sloppily thrusting between your gummy walls as you clenched around seemingly nothing.
not that holding back was any use... still in the doorway , stood your boyfriend. sunghoon’s pants seemed to shrink , suddenly suffocating the tent bulging from his pants as he repositioned . he groaned. ‘fuck.’
again , your small pathetic pleas poured into his ears: tiny please please pleases and more hoonie’s. he couldn't take it — listening to your cute cries only turned him on more.
‘are you having fun?’ he’d finally had enough. his cock straining against his briefs as he walked toward you. the condescending tone of his voice brought you to a halt , ripping your fingers from your pussy.
you tripped over your words ‘m… it’s not… n-no.’ desperately , you hid beneath a nearby blanket.
‘no…’ a smile spread across his face as he got closer and closer — swiftly snatching the blanket from your body exposing your naked lower half. ‘look at that , honey… you’re soaked — leaking all on my couch.’ sunghoon frowned. ‘m sorry hoon…’ shame crept over you as you tried covering your face.
‘aht aht… no need to do that now.’ you could feel the warmth of his hands wrapping around your wrists. ‘don’t hide , sweetheart… is there something you wanted to tell me?’
you glanced up at him — eyes glossed over as you batted your eyelashes at the man before you. ‘n-no…’ you squirmed — his hold on your wrists was firm as you felt another one creeping up your side. ‘no? so you didn’t want my attention? ‘s why you’re touching yourself in my living room? calling out my name like you're in heat , sweet girl.’ sunghoon mockingly cooed , his face now hovering above you own as his breath fanned against your skin.
‘should I leave you then and let you continue..? not help you out?’ shit. you’d been caught. however , you'd be lying if you said you didn't want any of this. both of you knew your fingers couldn't compare to anything sunghoon could do. 'no!' the word rushed past your lips. 'no... hoonie 'want you to help me. please...' you were so frustrated that tears breached your eyes. 'aw , my special girl.' his hand flew to strongly grip your jaw. 'did you miss me?'
you nodded. 'i bet , huh?' he began to trail kisses down your face — kissing away your tears before his lips reached your jaw. sunghoon hungrily left a trail of ravishing kisses from your jaw to your neck to your collar-bones. as he reached the top of your shirt , before you could blink it was being yanked over your head. 'mmm...' you hummed , as he continued kissing down your breasts and trailing down your stomach. 'were you good while i was away? did you touch yourself f'me , baby?'
quickly , you nodded again. sunghoon's rich laughter suffocated you as he continued pressing meaningful kisses along your thighs. 'good girl.' he dove into your cunt , nose rutting into your clit as he split you open on his tongue. almost instantly , your fingers became tangled in his dark locks.
whilst you mewed and tugged at his scalp , he made out with your cunt… his soft lips were searing against your skin — fingers digging into your flesh as he held your thighs apart. ‘mh! hoon!’ you let put a squeal as he folded you in half… tongue still greedily lapping up your arousal as he tongue-fucked your leaky cunt. it plunged between your fluttering walls made you shiver , back arching into his embrace.
‘feel good? ‘got all my attention , my sweet girl.’ he hummed sweetly. the vibration sent a wave of shock and pleasure coursing through you body as you let more whining pleas rush from your throat. sunghoon’s lips came up to gently suction your clit as he allowed two fingers to slip inside of you. they dug deeper and deeper within you , searching for that sweet spot buried between your legs in a scissoring motion (much like you had earlier tried to replicate).
as the tips of his fingers kiss said spot you can feel waves of satisfaction crashing over you — the knot in your stomach finally snapping , untying itself. ‘s-shit…’ you squirmed, watching as sunghoon got up.
his chin drenched with slick as he took deep breaths — a smile dancing along his lips. ‘c’mere , sweetheart…’ his hand slid behind your head , you could feel the warmth radiating from his sticky palm as he cupped your cheek. ‘ahhh…’ he teased.
sunghoon lowered a sloppy open mouth kiss onto your lips. the both of your mouths molded against one another. it was a passionate , meaningful kiss that left you chasing his lips as he pulled away. ‘more… fuck , baby… please i want more.’ your arms tightened around his neck — still chasing the sweet tang of yourself left on his lips.
‘relax , y/n. i’ll give you more.’ peck. ‘s’much as you want , yeah?’ one of his hands grabbed your own. slowly he directed your hand down his body — his collarbones , chest , and toned stomach. finally you stopped… feeling something hard beneath your touch. ‘feel that? that’s how fucking hard i am — how hard you got me…’ you tuck your lip between your teeth , eagerly nodding along. ‘feel it…’ you agree. ‘want you so bad… i missed you s-so much while you were gone , hoon. I just wan’ to feel you.’
‘good , baby.’ he cooed , tucking your hair. ‘cause i was planning on letting you.’ he carefully lies you back down before yanking his pants down — cock heavy as it stands against him.
your eyes grow large , watching as you generously strokes himself a few times. pump after pump. the precum adorning his tip drips down the base of his shaft — making it slippery and wet. ‘ready?’ sunghoon grabs your waist — shuffling you closer towards him as he lifts your hips. ‘…yeah.’ with your mouth watering you reply. you nervously await to feel him bottom out inside of you.
he aligns himself with your entrance before slowly pushing his head in. ‘fuck! s’tight as ever , pretty…’ both his hands come to snake around your waist. ‘ohmygodohmygod! hoonie , baby , pleaseee…’ he slams his hips into your own , fulling sinking the length of his thick cock inside of you.
you can feel him throbbing inside of you — your walls clenching and fluttering as he gives you time to adjust. ‘awnnn!’ you whine out , feeling as he slowly drags himself inside of you before roughly ramming back inside.
‘missed your precious little cunt!’ his balls slap against your ass as he continues to fuck into you. ‘s-such a sweet pussy , r-right? y-you’re mine?’
sunghoon felt himself becoming lost — pussy-drunk as he continued to mindlessly babble. ‘yours!!!’ he threw his head back and his hands firmly pawed at your sides — bruising your waist. ‘fuck! agh… s-sunghoon!’ you reached out for him with your nails clawing into his back — only causing him to fuck you harder. you could practically feel that leaky-mushroom tip kissing your cervix.
he bucked into you at a wild , and relentless pace.
‘aw shit… damnit , im ‘gonna cum..!’ he cried. ‘want it inside? stuff you full of me… that way you wont ever miss me again. how ‘bout that baby..? always be full of my cum so im always with you.’
sunghoon laughed watching as you desperately hic-upped. ‘yes! yes! please… ah! cum inside , i’ve been so p-pati… ungh!’ and just like that your boyfriend was pulling yet , another , orgasm from you. the two of you shuddered as he rode out his high. you could feel his cock draining inside of you — once heavy , thick ropes of salty cum painting your walls.
with one final thrust , he pulled out. he watched in awe as your cunt twitched — sticky hot liquid dripped out. ‘ah , ah!’ you hitched as sunghoon took his fingers , pushing his cum back inside of you.
‘always with you.’ he chuckled once more , placing a kiss on your temple before carrying you into the bathroom to get cleaned up.
{additional note!} i dont actually do a wc so i dont know how long this is! hopefully its not too rambly hehe :3
#shariasweet ༉‧₊˚.#enha hard hours#enha hard thoughts#enha smut#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen smut#park sungho smut#sunghoon smut#I got lazy at the end#soz guysss
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Good Omens Historical Trivia That's Haunting Me Today...
So we all know A.Z. Fell & Co is located on the fictitious Whickber Street in Soho and was established in 1800.
Aziraphale has run the shop ever since then and was in contact with Crowley at least until the 1820's when they took their little jaunt to Edinburgh and Crowley got sucked down the tube slide to Hell. They meet up again no later than the 1860's, when Crowley asks for Holy Water.
Stands to reason that between the 1820's and 1860's Aziraphale was in Soho doing Aziraphale things. Running his bookshop. Eating tiny cakes
Yeah... you know what else was going on in Soho during that time?
The worst cholera epidemic in London history.
If you don't know, cholera is a deadly bacterial infection caused by drinking contaminated water. Prior to the 1850's humans weren't really sure what caused cholera, but they knew it was terrifying and also that it was absolutely epidemic in big cities.
TW: this is gross - The main symptoms of cholera are agonizing stomach pain and non-stop watery diarrhea, eventually leading to the skin turning blue due to the thickening of blood from severe dehydration. Patients can lose more than 20% of their body weight in hours as they quite literally evacuate every drop of water in their bodies until they die of heart failure. - OK gross part over
Cholera symptoms show up as short as 5 hours after infection and could kill within as little as 12 hours. Cholera was especially terrifying because of how quickly and painfully it killed you, and because the patient maintained mental clarity up until the point of death. More than half of the people who contracted cholera died within a few days after consuming the bacteria-contaminated water.
And guess what water had cholera bacteria in it?
The public water pump on Broad Street in Soho in August of 1854
And this wasn't one of those epidemics that starts slowly and drags on. It hit like a bomb. It killed 600 Soho residents in ten days.
That's roughly 60 people a day in a 3-4 block area. Most of them died at home because the disease struck too quickly for them to to make it to a hospital. Survivors described hearses stacked with coffins 4-5 high going down the street nonstop all day long during the outbreak. Entire families were wiped out overnight.
What does that have to do with Good Omens?
Aziraphale's book shop was right in the epicenter of this outbreak.
Neil Gaiman has been pretty free about the fact that Whickber Street is a thinly veiled expy of the real Berwick Street in Soho.
This is a famous map showing the 1854 Soho Cholera epidemic. I highlighted Berwick Street and the public water pump that was the center of the contagion. The black bars (I circled a few in blue) on the map designate deaths. The thicker the black bar, the more people died in that particular house.
51 people died the week of the cholera outbreak on Aziraphale's Street alone.
Cholera was one of those diseases that provoked a lot of panic, not just because of how fast and painful it was, but because of the way it didn't follow common conventions about class or age. Children died while the elderly survived (often because the elderly had no one to gather water for them). Lower class houses were spared while their middle class landlords died. Churches were packed that week, because people in Soho had no idea who would get sick next. The epidemic pretty much burned itself out in a week and a half, since by that point everyone who drank the water had already died. I have to wonder what our resident Angel was up to during that time. Obviously cholera can't hurt him, but that's his neighborhood. There's no way hundreds of people, including entire families with children, are dying painfully in his neighborhood and Aziraphale doesn't notice. That means that in between this scene:
And this one:
Aziraphale would have watched one of the worst disease outbreaks in London history play out right outside his front door. I feel like there's great potential for a good story there if anyone better than me wants to write it.
#good omens meta#cholera#how often do those two tags go together#aziraphale#good omens history facts
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Romantic expectations and the story we didn't see: A magic trick hiding in plain sight
Here's a hopeful meta for all my fellow celestial brainrot sufferers out there. Cheers! :)
This idea started as a dead end, trying to track the movements of Crowley’s sideburns/tattoo because I thought time travel shenanigans were afoot. I had to abandon that theory when it was pointed out that David was simultaneously filming as the sideburns-having Fourteenth Doctor, and in-universe Crowley can do whatever he wants with his facial hair whenever he feels like it. But hey - null findings are still findings!
On the bright side, pausing the show to make notations in a spreadsheet forced me to slow down and notice other changes I'd overlooked the first time around: acting choices, costuming choices, references to book lore. And possibly a few surreptitious flicks of the wrist, in places where we’re meant to be focused on the magician’s other hand.
@amuseoffyre and @ineffablefood had a great exchange recently about romance and “the significance of misdirection and three-in-one (magic) tricks” throughout the show. I suspect Neil has done something brilliant with the audience’s long-standing expectations (since the 1990s, really) for the love story between Crowley and Aziraphale to develop. And while it is a wonderful story indeed, playing to this expectation lets Neil distract his audience from the blink-and-you'll-miss-them seeds he's planting for the final chapter.
Continued below the cut...
Let’s start at the beginning of Episode 2. First, context: In the previous installment, Crowley stormed out of the bookshop, was whisked away to Hell by Beelzebub where he learns about the Book of Life threat to Aziraphale’s existence, then returned to the bookshop to dance a little apology dance and hide Gabriel with an unintentionally massive joint miracle. In S2E2, we and Shax catch up with Crowley as he's snoozing in the Bentley.
Shax: “You’re in trouble”
A. J. Crowley, cool as a cucumber: “Obviously. Former demon, hated by Heaven, loathed by Hell. How will our hero cope?”
Interesting! Sarcastic? Yes, absolutely; but that’s also a good 4500 years and an averted apocalypse away from “I’m a demon. I lie,” wouldn’t you say? Someone is sounding a whole lot less depressed and aimless and navel-gazey (do snakes have navels?), and a whole lot more like he’s got a project to focus on, since his "what's the point?" ruminations on the park bench in E1.
And of course we all noticed the costume change right away. Hello, black turtleneck. Feeling cute today, thought I’d cover up my graceful long neck? That sounds unlikely. Let’s put a pin in this one.
There’s also an interesting acting choice going on here. Crowley speaks to Shax in a funny, drawling, too-cool-for-you voice that we haven’t heard in a while. Specifically, not since 1967. If you go back and give the S1E3 scene in the Dirty Donkey a listen, you’ll hear it (and if you know of another instance of it that I've missed, please let me know!). In S2E2, he keeps up this odd voice (if anybody knows what kind of affect this is supposed to be, please do tell!) throughout this dialogue with Shax, except for the brief moment when she first surprises him about the joint miracle having been detected.
1967 was a fun year. Crowley masterminded a heist! And seemed like he was having a ball doing it, right up until his little caper was called off after Aziraphale brought him the thermos of holy water. Crowley spoke to his co-conspirators in that same funny, very 60’s-caper-film voice. He wore a hip 60’s turtleneck. He bought petrol for the only time ever, so he could get those sweet James Bond bullet hole decals for his car (per the book, seen on the Bentley in the show).
Those James Bond bullet hole decals would of course have been part of a promotion for this 1967 release, which you just know our film-enjoying demon went to see in the theater:
Starring this suave, be-turtlenecked guy:
And now - begging your forgiveness - a brief rant.
There are a number of posts out there that refer to Crowley’s S2E2 turtleneck as a flirtatious sartorial choice - actually, ‘slutty’ seems to be the favored accusation. There are even a few posts floating around commenting on how sweet it is that Crowley swaps out his slutty, kinky, throw-me-over-your-desk-and-take-me turtleneck for a more dressy and appropriate collared shirt specifically to attend Aziraphale’s Jane Austen ball.
Now this is all in good fun, and Crowley does indeed look fantastic here, and I do love a good fangirling sesh as much as the next person. However, fandom’s collective tendency to interpret what we are seeing on the screen through the lens of romantic expectation can, at times, give rise to a kind of blinkered enthusiasm that obscures the original text in a haze that is part Mandela Effect, part unrestrained horniness, and part in-group code talking and identity reinforcement.
Respectfully, Crowley’s black turtleneck does not appear at all in S2E5: The Ball. In fact, it never appears again after the end of S2E2.
For Someone’s sake, let’s collectively pull our heads out of the romantic fog/gutter for a moment and focus on what we are actually seeing in the book and on the screen. For Crowley, this is an uncharacteristic within-period costume change. There is a surreptitious flick of the wrist happening here, out in broad daylight, and we are all missing it.
So here’s a thing. Aziraphale appears to have settled comfortably into life on Earth, his neighborhood, his books, using Crowley as an outlet for sharing his good deeds that he would once have reported to Heaven. Meanwhile, at first glance, Crowley appears stuck in a rut. There he slouches on a park bench with Shax in S2E1: a guy who lives in his car, stagnantly clinging to old familiar habits, mulling over the pointlessness of it all.
Setting aside the bit about living in the Bentley (I’m going to attribute this to well-documented issues between him and Aziraphale, discussed in many other excellent metas, and move on), Crowley has at least two very good, proactive reasons for maintaining his contact with Hell through Shax. First and foremost, it’s a source of information he can use to keep ahead of potential threats to Aziraphale and himself.
But also, I would posit…he kinda likes it.
Recall that book GO was first conceived as a parody, with Aziraphale and Crowley as spy-against-spy (but not really) field operatives in an ages-old cold war between Heaven and Hell. Their entire book dynamic is rooted in the trope of two opposing agents who have been in the field for so long that they now have more in common with each other than with their respective head offices. Their St. James’s Park meetings among other spies and ministers trading secrets are a sendup of what was once a well-known Cold War-era cliché.
Our contemporary Crowley still likes slick outfits and hellaciously expensive watches and high-performing vintage cars and pens that write underwater while looking like they could break the speed limit. He coaches Shax on how to blend in as a demon on Earth, and he helpfully redirects the wayward contact looking for the Azerbaijani sector chief. He loves improvising and getting away with shenanigans under the institutional radar. And boy golly was he impressed with Jane Austen: master spy, brandy smuggler, and mastermind of the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery.
And if you look at it a certain way, for as long as Crowley has considered himself to be on “[his] own side” - going at least as far back as Job - he could almost think of himself as a sort of double agent. It’s actually a very romantic sort of notion, befitting our hopeless romantic of a (professedly former) demon; but it’s romantic in a very different way than we, the audience, have been primed to watch for.
In other words, in a very “on my own side” kind of way, Crowley really gets a kick out of being a spy. Or at least, dressing up and accessorizing as one, and moonlighting as a good-doing double agent when he can get away with it. And also being a plotting criminal mastermind. Two sides of a coin, really. Just look at Jane Austen.
My point is: No, Crowley did not wait around for Shax to come find him in a turtleneck so that he could go flirt with Aziraphale later. He’ll flirt with Aziraphale no matter what. No, this:
is actually this:
Much like the one he wears to the Dirty Donkey in 1967:
whilst holy water heist-plotting. Here's a clearer shot with gratuitous Bentley, because I love them:
…and which he'll wear again, with appropriate camouflage, while infiltrating Heaven in S2E6:
That is the 1967 planning a HEIST turtleneck for committing ESPIONAGE and STEALING THINGS in. Because turtlenecks are what modern human master spies wear to get their hands dirty - after all, he saw it in a movie once.
Crowley dons his tactical turtleneck sometime during the first major break in the action (which doesn't happen until after the joint miracle to hide Gabriel) after he learns about the threat the Book of Life poses to Aziraphale. Loverboy started mentally preparing himself to go after that book immediately upon learning that it was in play as a genuine threat.
Now let’s pick up at the S2E2 Dirty Donkey scene, reading the story from this angle. Of course, Crowley enables Aziraphale’s delusions about Heaven by hiding information from him, and does not disclose the Book of Life threat when they meet again. They go into the pub, Aziraphale shamelessly paws Crowley’s chest like the seductive Bond Girl he is, and Crowley gets to act all smooth and suave and intimidating as he chases off the interloping Mr. Brown (or Mr. Collins for the Pride & Prejudice fans, take your pick).
Ergo, theory: beginning in S2E2, Crowley is already thinking of himself as a Jane Austen/James Bond action hero (“How will our hero cope?”), psyching himself up to rescue Aziraphale by getting his spy game on and stealing the Book of Life.
Now, watch closely...This is where Aziraphale and Crowley brainstorm their plans to solve the problem they both know about: getting Maggie and Nina to fall in love and thereby get Heaven off their backs. Crowley’s vavoom plan is drawn from yet another movie (“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes - vavoom, sorted. I saw it in a Richard Curtis film.”). But Crowley also implicitly shares his solution to the problem he hasn’t told Aziraphale about. And true to form, Crowley’s Jane Austen solution isn’t the same as Aziraphale’s Jane Austen solution.
Two solutions that fail by the end of Season 2, and a secret third one that might still work...and there's our magic trick of three.
‘“I’m lost. Am I doing a rainstorm?” Yes, babe. And a heist, too - just not until season three. Can I get a wahoo!?
I won’t spend time on A Companion to Owls during this meta, except to note that in all three minisodes, we get to watch stories that involve Crowley acting as a double agent on “his/their own side” - successfully making Hell and Heaven think he’s fulfilling their will while saving Job’s goats and children; failing to fool Hell when he does a good deed in Edinburgh; and of course, collaborating with Aziraphale whilst evading detection as an infernal turncoat during the Blitz.
(Because this is getting long, I'll also skip over Crowley's interrogation of Jim in this episode - I'll probably come back to that in another meta. But interrogating is a rather spy-ish thing to do.)
When we catch up with Crowley again later, he’s already slipped out of the bookshop, having left Aziraphale to his biblical reverie about Job. He saunters snakily down Whickber Street as usual, but with a very pointed and swift glance over his shoulder (see pic above). This demon is up to something - possibly something we didn’t get to see, something that may have happened offscreen while he stepped out. In any case, knowing there’ve been unfriendly angels in the neighborhood that morning, he’s rightly concerned about being spied on.
From this point until the beginning of episode six, there isn’t a whole lot of opportunity for Crowley to make any next moves. He babysits the bookshop, during which time he manages to wring some crucial information out of Jim; he follows his Crowley’s Angel around like a puppy, and downs a bottle of red like a good old fashioned lovesick boy once that’s been pointed out to him. If any plotting or scheming is underway, this occult being is keeping stumm for now.
This has been a long one, so I’ll wrap up with Crowley’s infiltration of Heaven with Muriel. The turtleneck disguise works (Archer fans, be vindicated!) long enough to gather some information that will be crucial not just to the denouement of S2, but also to Crowley’s journey in S3 (previous post on Crowley's Fall, Saraqael, and memory wiping). And Aziraphale gets to enjoy that view exactly zero times. The point isn’t oh, a turtleneck! How flirty! So cunty! So cute! Y’all. Everything matters. The costume change was a deliberate choice. In-universe, Crowley’s decision to wear his special spy turtleneck for spying in is a signal that he is out doing spy things, even as we watch.
In sum: Beginning in S2E2 and continuing through the end of the season, Aziraphale and Crowley are actively living out the scripts of two parallel, concurrent, and completely different Jane Austen stories. But you and I, dear fellow audience member, we came here for a comedy with a hefty jigger of romance, and that’s what Neil gave us to focus on. And right up until the Final 15, that was the only story we saw.
Meanwhile, Special Agent A. J. Crowley doesn’t have time to mope around at the end of S2E6. He’s kicked down, but he’s not out. He's got a Book of Life to steal, a very serious bone to pick with a certain memory-wiping angel, and his Angel and the world to save.
“‘Heigh ho,’ said [romantic, optimist, former demon, hero, master spy] Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway.”
#so honestly#I think the biggest mark against this conclusion is that Crowley sees his mirror Maggie taking a nap at the end of S2E6#there is a strong chance of a depression nap before any further spying gets underway#but I am counting on Muriel to be a dorky ray of sunshine and snap him out of it with Clues#good omens#good omens meta#good omens 2#crowley in a turtleneck#demon bookseller plantdad spy
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