#unless they met before 2005 like in the book but i don’t think the book timeline is accurate

[idknotgonnapost]

i don’t want to think about this anymore (lying)

[criminalminds4days]

Let Him Go (S.R.)

Hello Friends!!

I am doing finals so I decided the best choice for me was to write a long Spencer Reid Fanfiction. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: None, except mentions of murder, and violence. Swear words.

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“I don’t know what you want me to say.” The words came out before she could think them through. She knew exactly what he needed because she wanted it too, but she just couldn’t say it, it frightened her.

“Really? You don’t know what to say?” He scoffed, ready to give up all hope. “I love you; I’ve loved you for years… I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but I need to know if that is something that’s ever gonna happen. I can’t keep going like this, I am done playing games, I am done going in a circle.” He was hurt, his brown eyes reflected it perfectly, the tears that threaten to escape him almost made her break. 

Almost.

“I can’t give you what you want.” It was true, and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to, of course, she wanted to grow old with him, wake up next to him every single day, but the fear that engulfed her, of one day him realizing he could do much better and walking up and leaving, that was enough to ground her. 

She wasn’t ready. She repeated to herself, hoping one day it would be believable.

“Then I guess that settles it.” His voice broke, knowing full well what this meant for them, “I can’t keep doing this and you can. We are simply not at the age where it’s for fun. I need stability, I need a partner who knows what they want in a relationship and that is obviously not you.” A sole tear left his face, hiding underneath his chin. “I really wish it was.” He mumbled as he left the room. There it was, the image she feared so much, caused solely by her actions, it was better now than later, she reminded herself but that did not make the heartbreak any less painful.

Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, and for the past three years, her lover. They had met in 2005, after she had joined the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI, quickly bonding over their shared love for books, despite her hatred of some of the classics, as they were often referred to. Soon enough, those brown eyes, that awkward smile, and his tall figure had become engraved in her brain to the point in which she could no longer ignore it. She kissed him and that was the best decision she had ever made.

For three years they had been happy, and it seemed to everybody that soon enough they would be engaged, married, and with kids. When the conversation of this possible future arose between them, she couldn’t help but panic, leading to their current situation. He had left her, and she regretted every minute she didn’t run after him. She was going to run after him, she really was but as soon as her hand touched the doorknob she stopped herself. 

Fear. 

It was stupid, she knew it was, but it was paralyzing her in place, preventing her from ever reaching for that happy family she hoped to have with him one day.

Years went by, her regret never subsiding.

Why was she there?

It was clear this was a mistake; she knew it was. He was getting married and she simply sat there, wishing it was her who he smiled at, who he was gonna have a family with. Nonetheless, there she was, watching the man she loved get married, while she remembered that day, five years ago, in which she let him go. She smiled at the couple and congratulated them. She toasted, danced, smiled, laughed, and joked all while her heart was being torn to pieces at the sight of the happy newlyweds. That was the moment she decided she couldn’t stay. The offer she had been considering finally making sense. It was time to leave the BAU, time to leave the heartbreak, and time to leave Spencer Reid for good. She hoped the woman he was marrying would be horrible, that she could hate her, but Maeve Donovan was anything but. She was a kind soul, smart beyond reason, with all truthfulness, she could just see how she made Spencer happy and that was enough to eradicate all hope for hate.

Starting over was painful, saying goodbye was painful, but it was necessary. When he asked what prompted her decision she said, “I think I need to take the next step in my life.” He nodded and wished her nothing but the best and she smiled, not wanting to tell him she felt she had already lost it. When she arrived at her new office in Paris, she couldn’t properly appreciate the fact that her dream home was now her actual home. Her room growing up had been filled with Eiffel towers, and by the age of twelve, she was fluent in the language of the city of love. Granted, it helped that her parents both spoke English and Spanish, so learning French was a breeze.

She began work and soon found herself so immersed in it, she didn’t realize there was a life she left behind, there were friends she had not contacted in years. It wasn’t until she saw Emily Prentiss and heard what happened that she realized just how much she had forgotten when she decided to leave. She allowed her old coworker to take her out of her comfort zone and soon enough she found herself dating a tall dark-haired man named Liam Gardner, that happened to work as an undercover agent, just like her. Was there something about dating coworkers that got to her? She laughed at the suggestion.

It had been a year since she had dated this man when he asked her, she was in the same position she had been almost a decade ago and the regret of that night, and how strongly she felt for the man in front of her, made her answer different. It made her realize he couldn’t lose him like she had lost Spencer. “Yes, I do want to marry you.” She found herself saying, and for once, her life was on track.

She wasn’t terrified, and that was her first mistake. She figured it out on their first anniversary, as she patiently waited for him at their favorite restaurant, the Eiffel Tower shining in the distance, and the diamond ring that never left her hand, unless she was within a job, reflected the lights of the establishment.

“Excuse moi, mademoiselle?” A man had approached her, and her gut told her something was wrong. Her husband had infiltrated an organization that sold kids around the world, he hated the idea more than anything, but didn’t give a second thought to the offer, he loved children and would do anything to make sure more kids were safe. He had been organizing a raid that would tear down the whole system two days ago and he would be home just in time for their anniversary. But something went wrong, the operation was messier than they expected, and he was caught in the crossfire.

He died a hero.

People reminded her, but that didn’t mean much when the man she loved was buried six feet under. Once again, she experienced the loss she was so afraid of, and once again he reminded herself how this was what she was destined for, and she was a fool to think otherwise.

How long had it been? A year since he passed? She wasn’t quite sure, but she couldn’t bring herself to take the ring off. Her phone rang and she almost didn’t recognize the voice on the other side “Hey, It’s me JJ.” Jennifer Jareau, one of her ex-coworkers spoke on the other side. She didn’t have much of a long history with JJ, but that was partly because of her history with Spencer, who happened to be the blonde woman on the other side of the phone’s best friend. Despite their estrangement, after the woman said “We need you” she immediately accepted and grabbed her bag, buying the first plane tickets available to her, letting Emily know where she was going. Once she was on the plane she realized she did not even know why she had been summoned by her old team.

“Catch me up.” Were the first words that she said to the people in front of her.

She wanted to say hello and maybe even hug them, but as soon as she saw them she knew she had to get down to business.

His voice came out so broken, so hurt that she couldn’t help but want to hug him how she used to. It had been almost five years since she last saw him, but underneath his longer hair, and his very visible facial hair and his overwhelmingly sad eyes, was the man she once loved. “It’s Maeve, she’s been kidnapped.” That phrase returned her to the present. “You are the best when it comes to stalker cases and I can’t even make a coherent thought, please help us.” She nodded, as if they didn’t already know she would do anything in her power for any of them, but especially the brunette.

She forced herself to not draw parallels between his situation and the night she lost her husband, but it was impossible not to, especially when she knew that everything was lost. They entered the warehouse after they heard the gunshot, to find them at odds. Spencer begging to take Maeve’s place and the woman holding his wife hostage questioning how much he was willing to give up for her. Too late she realized what was going to happen, too late did she aim and shoot, too late to change any outcome but the one in front of their eyes. Her shot was wasted, landing on the wall directly behind the woman who now laid on the floor, covered in her and Reid’s wife's blood, both of them gone. She couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing she couldn’t stop her, knowing it was her fault Spencer’s wife was dead.

She couldn’t say goodbye and she couldn’t look him in the eye every again, so she sent a simple text to Hotch:

I got a case, I had to leave. Tell Reid I am really sorry.

That was it, no goodbye, no see you guys later, no hugs, and no catching up. She should have stayed home, she shouldn’t have gone knowing what she causes, once again she was reminded of the luck she carried around, affecting those she loved.

“It is not your fault!” Emily said.

“Of course it is, they needed me. Spencer and Maeve needed me, and I failed them.” She couldn’t stop the tears for much longer, but she tried.

“No, you didn’t you did everything you could.”

“Did I? Did I really? Because that’s what I tell myself every time I look at this ring and remember sitting in a restaurant wondering why he’s not there while he was dead. That’s what I told myself when I fired my gun too late to stop the woman even though I knew exactly what she was going to do.”

“Stop it! Stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control!” Emily stood from her chair, the frustration clear in her eyes. “I will not watch the closest friend I have throw a self-pity party when she knows full well these things are not something that our luck creates. There are sick people in this world, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for any of it! I will not allow you to!” After that, the woman left and the tears fell.

It had been at least three weeks since that discussion, Emily and she had made up but her friend had to go into hiding once again, knowing full well that the level of exposure she had because of their friendship could put her in danger, making her yet another person she couldn’t help. There was a knock at the door, and she presumed it was the woman mentioned, excited she opened the door to be faced with a tall brown-haired man with sad brown eyes and a satchel that she knew too well.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Hotch made me take time off, and I didn’t want to be alone… I didn’t know where to go and I just… I ended up here.”

“Oh.”

“Can I come in?”

She questioned it for a moment, not sure how she could deny him anything but also afraid of how her guilt would get the best of her. “Sure.” She said finally and moved, letting Spencer Reid enter her home like she had done so many times before, and yet this time it felt different. Her house was never the same after her husband was gone, their pictures still stayed, some in the coffee table and bookshelf, one of their wedding pictures in their room and album upon album he had made for their home once they had moved in together. Her new home gave a different feeling than her small impersonal apartment in Washington D.C. that had no pictures and barely enough evidence that someone lived there. She knew if it were up to her, the house would be the same, but Liam made sure this house felt like home. Now that he was gone it felt hollow and cold, not something she thought Spencer needed in his current state. “I am sorry I didn’t go to the funeral. I had to come back.” She absurdly excused herself.

“It’s okay, I understand.” There was a silence that engulfed them as she offered him a seat in her living room. “I don’t blame you.” He clarified and she nodded, not sure how that made her feel. “I also don’t think you should blame yourself.”

“Please stop, don’t profile me right now.” That gained a laugh from him, as he raised his hands in surrender. As he looked around realization hit her. He had no idea she was married, or that Emily Prentiss was, in fact, alive. She quickly texted her telling her friend that the man was in the city and to be careful. She knew it was probably safe, that she was already long gone but she couldn't be too cautious.

“You texting your…?” He looked at her hand, noticing the ring for the first time and she fought the urge to hide it. It somehow felt like a betrayal to him, her getting married after telling him that wasn’t something she was ready for. “Did you have that when you went to D.C.?”

“Yes.” She answered quicker than she hoped. “I’ve had it for a couple of years.” He nodded as if contemplating and analyzing her answer. “And I was not texting my husband, just a friend from work.”

“Oh.” He looked at her as if asking for permission before speaking. “Is he at work?” She shook her head no. “I didn’t interrupt you guys or anything, right? That would be so embarrassing… I can’t believe I didn’t even consider… I am so sorry I-“

“Spencer.” She stopped his rambling; she took a deep breath before she continued. “My husband, Liam, is not here.” She explained. Part of her didn’t want to talk about it, he had enough heartache of his own, but she felt compelled to. She never could hide anything from the genius. “He died in a raid about a year ago.” She said as her hand instinctively moved to her ring. 

“I am so sorry.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t know.”

“I know.”

“I-“ He paused for a moment, looking for something else to say, but then what he really wanted to know escaped his thoughts. “Does it get better?”

“I want to say yes. I want to tell you one day you stop missing them and it seems like the sun shines as bright again, but I haven’t gotten there.” A sad smile played on her lips. “I can’t even get myself to take his close out of the closet.”

“Yeah, I can’t look at her parents in the eye.”

“I haven’t spoken to his mother since the funeral.”

“We were trying to have kids.”

That was enough to break the mental boundaries she had. Despite how wrong she knew it was she hugged him, tight, hoping he understood that she wanted him to be okay, that he had her on his side even if that meant nothing to him.

“Sometimes, talking about them helps.” She said once she let go of him, his hand now in between hers. “I didn’t really get to know Maeve; I would love to hear about her.”

And so they sat there, sharing the stories of yet another loss love, the irony never lost on her. The one person she relied on to talk about Liam, the one person to fully understand how she felt was no other than her first love. She let aside the guilt and accepted the comfort and help he provided, even after he went back to Washington, and she remained in France. They still talked, almost daily. Letters, emails—despite him hating emails—and calls. Soon enough it was like they never lost touch like their past relationship never was and they were two friends who lost the person they loved and found comfort within each other.

And after two years she realized that her heart raced every time her phone rang, a tad of guilt for the idea of falling for the brunette while she still wore the wedding ring her late husband had given her. She considered putting it away, she considered telling Spencer what she was feeling once again but the fear stopped her. She couldn’t ruin something so important, she couldn’t sabotage their friendship, but she knew what it was like to be loved by Spencer Reid, and boy did she want to feel that way again. It took her weeks to decide what she was going to do, but before she had a chance to execute her plan, her keeping of Emily’s secret came back to haunt her.

“You knew?!”

“She came to Paris, and she found me.”

“And you never thought to mention it?”

“Emily was long gone into hiding when you and I reconnected.”

“That is not an excuse.”

“It wasn’t my place Spencer.”

“It never is your place, is it?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, just that with you I always know what I am getting into, but I am always stupid enough to fall for it. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”

“I wasn’t the one who looked for you!” She spat, trying to hide the effect his words had on her. “Do not make this my fault!”

“I’m not.” His voice was harsh, like that day it all went wrong for the first time. “It’s my fault. For trusting you, for thinking we could be friends. I should know better than to trust a liar.”

“Fuck you, Spencer!”

“Right back at ya!”

And with that, the two years of their rekindling were gone, and once again she watched Spencer Reid walk out of her life. Once again faced with the decision of letting him go or stopping him. As her finger hovered over the call button she froze, this time not by fear, but anger. She understood, he lost his wife and friend, he mourned their death for one of them to suddenly come back to life? It wasn’t fair to him, but it wasn’t her fault! Spencer couldn’t blame her for Emily needing to hide from them, for Emily asking JJ, Hotch, and her to keep it a secret.

I heard the conversation; I’ll talk to him.-Emily

She got ready for bed and pushed aside the feeling of guilt that wished to overwhelm her. This time it wasn’t her fault, she knew it, but she couldn’t help but wish he knew that as well. Instead, she simply responded to the message and turned off her phone.

Don’t bother, it’s not worth the trouble. Love you Em!

Doctor Spencer Reid was a force much too big for her heart and mind to handle. As much as she wished he could stop having such a big influence in her life, she highly doubted that would ever happen, so the least she could do was try and forget their conversation.

Despite her previous determination, she still hoped he would call, say that he was sorry and he didn’t mean those things then she could simply accept his apology, apologize for her language and everything would go back to normal. But as the days turned to weeks and those to months she decided she couldn’t be at this crossroad waiting for him anymore. She could either let him go for good or finally step up and speak to him. The idea of never speaking to him, never hearing him laugh or seeing him smile again, never saying his name, or hearing hers out of his mouth was too much for her to simply move on. She loved Spencer Reid, maybe a part of her always would. She couldn’t let herself stay put while he moved on, not again. They were no longer two twenty-seven-year-olds who had their life ahead of them.

But the fear struck again, she couldn’t lose him too. She couldn’t sit in a restaurant waiting for him just to be greeted by the news that he was no longer in this world. She couldn’t build a home with someone when she had barely taken down all of Liam’s things from their closet. She couldn’t, but part of her wanted to build something with the doctor. That same part of her that screamed at her to follow him the first time. This time she decided to listen to it. She painfully removed the ring in her hand and placed it in the top box, all full of the memories of the man she intended to spend her life with, hoping he would understand. She let a couple of tears fall, knowing that he would always hold a place in her heart, and she made her way to the US. If this backfired and she ended up heartbroken, she could always return to her empty home in Paris. When had reality gotten so dark that she would seek Paris as a place of emptiness? A place to ignore her broken heart until it mended? Life had a funny way of making the things we wished for a twisted reality.

She sighed as she prepared herself to walk up the stairs. She had reached out to JJ, who had given her his address. It was the same place he used to have, as apparently after his wife’s passing he had sold their house. How did he gather the strength to let go of something as meaningful as the home he shared with Maeve? She would never know, but she was proud he continued to try living his life. She knocked and the door opened soon after his gaze confused, and this feeling later replaced by embarrassment.

“Hello, Spencer.” Her mouth was dry, the speech she had prepared long forgotten, fear running through her veins telling her to simply forget all this and run. Return to France and pretend the man in front of her never existed. “Can we talk?” She said as she noticed he hadn’t said a word.

“Yes, um, yeah… come in.” He moved and she did as she was told. “Listen, I was trying to work up the courage to call you, I am sorry I spoke to you like that.” He began as soon as he closed the door.

“Did you mean it?”

“What I said to you that day? No, never!”

“It had to come from somewhere, did it not?”

“Yes, it came from a part of that felt betrayed.” He looked around his apartment, avoiding to meet her gaze. “The more you spoke about him, the more I felt like what we had didn’t mean anything to you, and when I found out you knew about Prentiss, it made me angry but that was because I was already mad at you, I just couldn’t bring myself to accept why.”

“Why are you angry with me?” She asked. “Because I know why I am angry with you. I’m angry because you broke my heart twice, even though I played as much of a part as you the first time. I’m angry because you waltzed right back into my life and turned it upside down. I am so angry that I can’t seem to move on and leave you behind like I wanted to when I left for Paris. I am angry that you are the reason I was finally able to take my ring off.” His eyes drifted to her hand, the mark of the band clear, but no ring in sight. “So, tell me, Spencer Reid, how did I make you angry?”

“You…” He raised his eyes, finally meeting hers, and forced the words out. “I am mad because you moved on. I am angry because you left me and didn’t look back. I am angry because I wanted a family with you and you simply decided to make one with someone else.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “I am mad because you made me hurt for you, and when I finally found someone I wanted to spend my life with, someone who loved me… She was taken from me and the only person I could talk to about it was you. I am angry because you made sure none of us even knew of Liam and then you spent hours talking about how he made you smile, and he made you happy. I am angry at you because you knew how much grief I had and still you did not tell me about Emily, I am angry because I still love you, despite all this. Because if you told me right now you wanted to be with me I would fly to Paris and never let you go again.”

“I feel guilty for loving you.”

“I feel guilty for loving you too.”

“I should have stopped you; I should have told you I was scared, but I wanted a family. I was ready, but I was scared someday someone would make you realize you could do better than me.” She sighed, the tears now leaving her eyes. “Now I am scared one day I will be at a table, on our anniversary waiting for you and someone will take you from me. I’m scared the grief I feel for Liam will consume me and I won’t be able to love you.”

“I am scared that my grief won’t let me love you either.” He gulped, approaching her for the first time and he laid his hands softly on her shoulder, tears now made both their faces wet. “I can’t walk away from you again. If Maeve taught me anything about love is that you fight for it, to the bitter end. You do not give up on it.” She sobbed, and his grip tightened in a reassuring gesture. “It doesn’t have to be today, nor tomorrow. We do not need to rush; we can take our time.”

“What if I’m too broken?”

“You aren’t. You're hurt, your heart was broken, but if it can be broken, that means it still works.”

“Spencer, I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“But I don’t want you to leave again.”

“I’m not going to.”

“Good.”

That was all she needed, the confirmation that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere. The fear subsided, the anger fell, and she embraced him, as tight as she could, and smiled as she felt him embrace her. One did not need to be a genius to know it would take time, grief and heartache take time, but both of them knew that it would get better. It always did.

As she laid beside him, in their new home, she couldn’t help but question how much time she had, how long it would be before fate, or destiny, or whoever was out there would decide to take him from her. This time, though, she didn’t let it get to her. She was married to Dr. Spencer Reid, and they were about to be parents. She smiled at the thought and got out of bed ready for the day that would change their lives forever. It had been almost five years since they spoke again, both grieving the loss of their first spouse. It had taken them three of those five years to decide to move forward and just last year they had sworn to love and protect each other in front of their friends and family. She sighed, contently. She felt her life back on track, as she returned to the BAU shortly after their engagement, selling her Paris house and opting to buy a more modest summer home. She had returned Liam’s clothing to her mother, and even some pictures, while others were in their attic. She did not mean to hide him or push him aside, but both she and Spencer decided it was best to keep them close without letting them become an obstacle in their lives together. Maeve and Liam had shown both of them how to love, how to fight for the person you want to spend your life with, and when it was okay to let go, and that was something neither of them would ever forget.

“Ready?” Her husband asked as she grabbed her car keys.

“As ready as they come, Dr. Reid.”

“What do you think it will be, a boy or a girl?” He joked.

“Very funny.” They held hands as she drove to the building, nerves, and excitement building up. Soon enough they were at no more than thirty seconds of being parents of two beautiful kids.

“I do have to say, it is rare for a couple who is already expecting to want and adopt. What made you do this?”

He looked at you, a smile full of pride and love clear on his face, knowing the answer to this question. “There are so many kids that need a home, and love. I figured if my husband and I can offer both, why not do it? Any kid deserves two loving parents and whether I gave birth to them or not shouldn’t matter.” The woman smiled at the couple.

Her two-month belly was barely barely showing, but the agency knew about it already. It was true they had decided to adopt before she found out she was expecting, but that didn’t change their plans, it simply meant another baby would join the family. The two kids, a brother, and sister about eleven and twelve joined the adults. Their nerves and fear obvious in their expression. She couldn’t help but want to hug them and never let go.

“Are you guys our new mom and dad?” The girl asked, her brother frowning at the thought.

“We are not here to replace your mom and dad.” She assured them, the frown on the boy disappearing. “We would love it for you guys to live with us, we want to take care of you if that is something you guys would like."

After a long conversation with the children and them accepting to live with the couple they made their way home, Spencer rambling about statistics on videogames as a way to excuse his lack of skill. She laughed at the sight and couldn’t help but feel complete. She smiled and turned for a second to look at him before returning her eyes to the road. “Fourteen, almost fifteen.” She mumbled to herself. Spencer looked at her with confusion. “That’s how long we’ve known each other. That’s how long I’ve dreamed of this day but was too afraid to fight for it.”

“Do you want the exact time?” He questioned.

“No. It will make me feel old.” They both laughed.

Soon they arrived in their home, their children next to them and they showed them their rooms. After having dinner together and making sure the kids felt comfortable and at home they returned to their bed and laid there, her head on his chest and his hand on her lower back. “I love you; you know that?”

“I know, and I love you too.” He left a soft kiss on her hairline.

They heard small steps and a knock, he stood and turned on the lights before opening the door, the girl in the door had fear written all over her face and her brother was behind her. “Megan doesn’t like to sleep in the dark.” He noted.

“I don’t like to sleep alone.” She corrected. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Of course sweetie!” Spencer picked her up and placed her on the bed next to her, as she moved to make space.

“Do you want to sleep with us too Dylan?” She asked the boy. He was reluctant but ultimately nodded running up to the bed and laying in between his sister and her. Spencer turned off the light. All four slept together, not once letting go of each other. It felt right, exactly where they needed to be.

The memory of the day she let him go still came from time to time, but her fear that he would leave her never did. She loved Spencer Reid, her colleague, friend, companion, husband. She loved him and he loved her. And now, now they had a family, the past made them who they were, but it didn’t have to define who they could become.

[purplesurveys]

1185

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (3/3)

Please believe. - P

How many pages did the last book you read have? I don’t even remember the last time I opened it; but if I have to guess, it’s probably anywhere between 600–800 pages.

What do you like on your pancakes? Soaked in butter, with peanut butter and maple syrup on the side. My dad will also sometimes mix bacon into the batter, and it always turns out delicious.

Do you like small parties or large parties more? I love going to any kind of party, but I like large ones just a little bit more just because it’s easier to blend in and go unnoticed for the most part. I usually feel pressured at smaller parties.

What was the last exam you passed in? I have no idea. Maybe a history exam? I remember taking a Rizal exam right before the pandemic started and I never got the results for that since classes were canceled shortly after. I’ll never know if I actually passed that test haha.

Do you think paw prints are cute? Yesssssss.

How much would you pay a neighbour to do your lawn? We have someone in the village who does that, and my mom usually gives him a tip of I would guess around ₱100.

Ordinary pens, scented pens, gel pens or felt tip pens? Ordinary. The other ones write horribly.

Are you a people person? I’ve grown to be one over the years. I do like my alone time, but I have the most fun with a person or two or ten around me.

Do you put pepper on your scrambled eggs? No. I never use pepper myself, actually.

Who, except yourself, has the nicest pet? Angela’s, at least one of her dogs are. Hailey is super nice and she doesn’t really care what you do with her hahahaha.

What's your favourite piece of clothing? Right now, probably my IVP sneakers since they’re my newest purchase. Other than that, my mom jeans are always super reliable.

What place have you gone to that you never would again? Police stations that I had to visit to cover stories for my journalism classes. Maybe it’s other people’s passion – and I thought it was mine at one point, too – but once I found myself in places like that I slowly realized that I didn’t have the fire for journalism I once thought I had.

What do others seem to have plenty of and you have little or none? Nice photos of themselves. I’m very camera shy.

Is pink a nice colour, an okay colour or icky? I personally love pink, so.

Give me a description of a great film plotline? ...I don’t feel like it :(( I also haven’t watched/rewatched any films in a while, so my memory is a bit rusty.

What do you have in your pockets? Nothing I’m wearing right now has pockets.

Do you listen to podcasts? Not really. I’m part of the minority that finds podcasts a little boring.

Have you ever played Poker? I’d guess I’ve tried playing it one or two times, but I’ve never understood the rules and I probably just did some random moves when I did try it.

Do you have a pond in your garden? No.

How about a swimming pool? We don’t.

Do you like Poptarts? I loooooove Pop Tarts and I wish we had more flavors here :( and that they weren’t so expensive.

Do you write notes on post-it notes? Sometimes; but lately I’ve mostly just been making to-do lists on my laptop. Writing takes too much time considering how hectic my job is.

Quiet darling, shh. - Q

Do you ever use the word quaint? Very rarely. I never really get into situations where that word would be most fitting to use.

Do you know what quantum physics is? I know of the term from watching The Big Bang Theory, but I don’t know what it refers to.

Are you a quiet or loud person? Depends on the people I’m with, my general mood, and my level of comfort.

Do you usually ask a lot of questions? I never do. I feel like that’s a weakness of mine, too. My mind never wanders too far, and I’m only able to recognize good questions when someone else raises them.

What's your favourite quote from a film? “Rome. By all means, Rome.”

Favourite quote from a song? “Now I’m told this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it.”

Are you quick witted? In what aspect? Not always; but yeah, I guess it comes out sometimes. I’m pretty good at witty or funny comebacks, especially with people I’m comfortable with.

Do you find the word queer offensive? Er, no?

Roses are Red and Romance is dead. - R

Do you listen to the radio often? I used to, since I once drove to school everyday and I liked having the radio on - especially in the morning, since there was a morning program I was hooked to. But now that I’m at home 24/7, I don’t really tune in anymore; I don’t even have the slightest clue what songs are trending rn.

Do you prefer rain or snow? We only get rain, so.

Have you ever ran into someone and injured you or them due to it? Fortunately no, for both circumstances.

Do you listen to rap music? K-Pop groups always have their own rap sub-unit, so yeah I’ve definitely been more exposed to rap these days.

Do you find pet rats gross or nice? Why? I guess it’s cute when they’re pets, since I’m sure they’re harmless. Not so much when they’re big black filthy rats that are house pests and probably carrying a lot of diseases.

Have you ever been to a rave? No. I’d love to experience it once.

Are you somewhat of a rebel? Nah.

How about reckless? Now this hits the spot more, especially when it comes to money lol

Do you prefer red, black or purple dresses? Black, then red, then purple. I don’t wear a lot of the latter to begin with.

Do you know how to reload a gun? I don’t; I’ve never even held a real gun before.

Do you remember your first best friends Mum's name? I don’t think I ever met her mom. Our friendship was super short-lived and didn’t go beyond preschool.

Do you have a good or a bad reputation? Idk, you’d have to ask other people for this I think.

What song do you request most often on the radio? I’ve never requested a song to radio stations.

Do you prefer rice or tofu? I need rice for literally every meal, otherwise it won’t feel filling. I like tofu too, but I only have it occasionally when it comes with some dishes.

Have you ever held a rifle? Nope.

Do you know a Robert? What's he like? I have an uncle-in-law named Robert. He’s very nice, and super intelligent; he’s from New Zealand but currently lives with my aunt and their family in Vietnam. Since he’s from a different country, he has lots of fun stories and different perspectives to share at family reunions, which makes me always want to sit at whichever table he’s at so that I can be part of interesting conversations.

Do you like rollercoasters? No.

Been to Rome, Italy? Nope.

Are Roses your favourite flower? They’re one of them.

So sweetheart, lets fan. - S

Do you feel safe in your neighbourhood? Yeah, I mean that’s kind of the whole point in living in a gated village. I’d be pretty alarmed if I ever hear of a crime happening here.

Whose the Patron Saint of your Country? St. Lorenzo Ruiz. I actually didn’t know that for a fact, so thanks for the Google search and impromptu lesson!

Do you put salt on your fries? Yessssssss, I need my fries to be very salty. Unless it was already seasoned with something else, I’d find it boring if it wasn’t salty enough.

Do you think we are all born the same? In some ways, yes; in some ways, no. I know everyone is born as humans worthy of love and respect, but when it comes to factors like privilege then that’s when circumstances start to get all different.

When did you stop believing in Santa? I never bought it. I used to always get frustrated that I was never allowed to meet Santa (none of my relatives ever played as him), and that he apparently just likes to leave gifts at midnight. Not seeing a Santa made me doubt and eventually I just kinda stopped buying it by the time I was like 5.

Do you think the name Sarah is pretty? Erm, it’s fine but I find it a little common.

Is Saturday your favourite day of the week? Fridays are, but Saturdays are a very close second.

Have you ever watched Saved By The Bell? Opinions? Nope.

What about the Saw films? Opinion? I haven’t, but I know they’re my eldest cousin’s favorite so it must be a good series.

Are you easily scared? In certain ways. I hate jumpscares for one, and I easily get offended by them.

What's your secondary language, if any? English.

Name all the things you can see from where you're sitting? The entirety of my bedroom.

What's the last sentence you spoke out loud? “JAY KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY”

Have you changed your default settings on your computer? Some of them just to change some aspects of the appearance, but I didn’t do a complete overhaul.

What year did you turn seven in? 2005.

How important is sex in a relationship how important is sex from 1-10? For me, probably like a 3 or 4.

What is your favourite shade of blue? Sky or royal.

Shade of Purple? BTS purple, I guess? Hahaha.

Favourite shape? I don’t have one.

Do you know a girl called Sharon? Nope.

How about Shari? Nope.

Do you shave your arms, legs, pubic hair and/or somewhere else? I shave, but not all of these areas.

When was the last time you were sick? May 2020 was the last time I felt like death.

What's the worst side effects you've had due to a medication? I’ve never gone through side effects from a medication.

What does your signature look like? A very lazy scribble of the first and last letters of my whole name.

Do you like silk? What do you own that is silk? It’s okay, but I never actively search for it. I have one set of silk pajamas but that’s it.

Do you sip or drink hot drinks fast? As much as possible I don’t like getting in contact with hot beverages. I wait for them to cool down considerably before I take my first sip.

How about with alcohol? Sure, I like to take them fast so that I don’t feel the nasty burn on my tongue.

Do you have sisters? How many, what ages and what're they called? Nina is turning 21 this year.

Is your grandmother older than sixty five? Both of them are, yeah.

Do you slam doors often? Nope.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? For what reason? Yes. Because he had slapped me first. I was in so much shock that my first and only instinct was to hit back.

Do you snack a lot or just eat big meals? I like letting myself go hungry then reward myself with a very generous serving to eat in one go.

Do you smile more often, or frown? Smile.

Are you wearing socks? No, I haven’t worn any in a while.

Do you say sorry too often? Yes.

What's a sound that always soothes you? This. I always play it before turning in, or when I need to calm down.

Do you carry a lot of spare change? How much is on you now? Not so much anymore, since I’ve been increasingly going cashless.

Do you own a swimsuit of the Speedo brand? I don’t think so.

Do you like sunflowers? They have a personal meaning to me, so yes. It’s not my ultra favorite, though.

[valehirvas]

Hi! I need help understanding what Is gender dysphoria from a transsexual perspective because I'm confuse at my own experiences and the doctors I've seen viewerd dysphoria as only wanting to/believing you are the opposite sex and nothing more

I’m not an expert on this obviously, all I’ve got is just my own experience.

For me, it’s primarily a strong desire and a feeling of “should be” about male sex characteristics. As a child, I would often cry in my bed looking forwards in my life thinking it was already over because I wasn’t a boy, not because being a girl to me was bad in itself - I didn’t view it as limitating or see myself as lesser in any shape or form, I just didn’t feel like my body was as it should have been and the thought of never physically becoming a boy was crushing to me. This came along with various stupid childish misadventures like trying to learn to pee like a boy to feel more comfortable: let’s just say that one ended up in a disaster. I also quite classically tried to explain to my mother how I felt - that I wasn’t like a “girl girl”, I was more a boy girl. Something like that.

I didn’t have social dysphoria at this stage, because I’m very privileged in the sense that my parents and most adults around me allowed me to be exactly who I was, and those who found me disagreeable and too boyish never explicitly made it a gender issue, so I was blissfully unaware of the idea that girls weren’t supposed to act the way I was acting. I was very much a tomboy, but I was never made to feel like this was a bad thing, it was just who I was. I was in a lot of minor trouble often because of how active and curious I was as a kid, but nothing worse than doing what other adventurous kids were getting up to. For example, we liked breaking into the sewer system to chase frogs. Our parents HATED it, for obvious reasons. Things like that. But these were hardly things that only boys got into, and my friend group was rather equally split between the sexes at the time, so yeah, no, my social dysphoria did not exist at this time.

With puberty, things got a lot rougher. It’s tough to tell how much of it was because of dysphoria and how much of it was because of abuse in my life; I was targeted by a school teacher who made my life hell and triggered my depression at the ripe old age of 11, and ever since things were just really difficult for me.

I was still struggling with wanting to be a boy; I only had male role models, only male ideals of what I wanted to grow up to be, in terms of media and idols. I desperately wanted facial hair. Meanwhile, I was being raised by a single mother, and my experience with men was dreadful, and puberty chased off my male friends so I was left living in an all-female bubble, pretty much. I didn’t feel separate from it, but I was certainly different. My friends went down a more traditionally feminine path while I was a clusterfuck of alternative fashion and obscure interests.

My biggest “oh” moment was when I was about 12 years old and for the first time approached my mom to buy my own set of clothes - I’d secretly wanted to dress up as one of the boys for a long time, but this was the first time I really got to try it out. Being a skater was in because this was the early 2000s, so I bought a large t-shirt and a pair of skate shoes, and yes, a skateboard, and when I looked into the mirror like that, I felt like I was in heaven. I felt like things were finally going right and that this was who I wanted to be, that this was who I was supposed to be.

When I was 14, I met my first trans person. I had a terrible crush on him, he was a couple years older than me and identified as an FtM. The year was, what, 2005? I knew instantly that I was the same as him, but it scared me so badly I swore off ever thinking about it again, and that I’d just live as a woman like I was meant to be, because he was extremely suicidal and abused alcohol and drugs, and I didn’t want to die like that. It just seemed like the worst outcome - I knew I was like that, too, but I didn’t want that future. I was afraid if I’d accept how I felt, I’d end up killing myself like he’d tried to do so many times already. So I went DEEP into the closet.

I struggled a lot with relationships, being viewed as a girlfriend and treated as such, like my partners telling me they loved how I looked, touching my body, appreciating it as a female body. I told my first love that I wanted to go by the name of Gabriel, and that I felt like a boy inside, but that was as far as I went. I was 15 at the time. Around the same age I got sent to a group home because the social services were struggling with me (I wasn’t attending school due to my depression and various other mental disorders, and they needed to get me off their books asap). There, I was assigned men’s deodorant because they were out of women’s, and I never went back from there. Little things like that just made me feel so much better in my own skin. Now I at least smelled like a guy. It felt heavenly. In this same place, my supervisor was a nice young woman who borrowed me movies to watch. One of them was Boys Don’t Cry. Let’s just say I was pretty badly traumatized by that, and went ever deeper in the closet, because once more I knew that I was exactly what was portrayed on the screen but the reality of it was... well, I’d either kill myself or be murdered. Nobody wants that. So yeah, there.

Afterwards I went hyperfeminine but also became incredibly toxic because of how bad I felt in my own skin - I was extremely unstable, but at least I was playing my role right, right? I was suppressing how I really felt and trying to force myself into some weird caricature of a woman to spare myself from a painful death.

I used to do a lot of larping as an older teen and a young adult. When I was 18, one of my girlfriend’s characters was transsexual, and I went looking for information about the condition, you know, having the excuse of just “doing research”. That was the turning point. It was so comforting to know that I wasn’t alone, that this was something other people had gone through, too. That I didn’t have to live like this forever.

The things that bothered me most were the fact that I couldn’t grow facial hair, and my chest, which has always been very large. I’ve never had particularly bad dysphoria about the shape and size of my body, and I coped with genital dysphoria by packing, but the fact that I couldn’t grow a beard was the worst thing in the world to me. I went through a year of self-searching and research, during which my girlfriend left me because, duh, she’s a lesbian and I’d just come out as a trans man and it just wasn’t working out anymore, but she stuck by my side to help me become who I wanted to be, and fuck if it wasn’t working. Embracing the way I’d felt and doing the things that helped me feel better - like wearing the kinds of clothes that gave me that sense of comfort and rightness, and binding my chest - helped me to such a big degree that I stopped being completely fucking awful as a person. I stopped flipping out at the smallest of triggers and slamming doors and shouting and being an absolutely unbearable piece of shit, and my ex has repeatedly told me how good it felt seeing me become so much happier before her eyes. I practically changed as a person when I started my transition, first socially and then eventually medically, I became a very calm and difficult to irritate kind of an individual instead of the mess I’d been the years before. And I don’t mean “changed as a person” like I adopted a different personality, just that I stopped being blinded with anger and self-hatred at all hours of the day and lashing out at anyone who dared to love me as I was because I couldn’t.

Starting medical transition scared the shit out of me, because I’ve always been afraid of permanent changes. I nearly ran out of my tattoo appointment last minute because the idea of being marked forever killed me, and I only have one piercing that I can take out without leaving a visible scar for that reason. So obviously, taking that step was horrifying to me, but after doing my time looking into my soul and reflecting on my needs and desires for a year, attending some councelling and in general looking into what I really wanted from my life, I finally entered the diagnostic process, which here took at the time six months at the very least and included a lot of more thorough examinations like a psychological evaluation, chromosomal check and even an IQ test to make sure I was capable of consenting to the treatments.

Testosterone was a gift from gods in how much it eased my dysphoria. I ended up quitting it eventually because of how much it messed with my mental disorders like anxiety, and worsened my psychosis, but in terms of how much more at ease I became with my body, I can’t thank it enough. Seeing my body grow more hair on it, even some of that facial hair I’d always wanted, was blissful. Having my voice drop was comforting and comfortable, and I was excited to practice it and get back my range for singing and speaking, and that whole period of changes was just so good to me. I can’t describe it any other way. My dysphoria’s never come back since I stopped, because the changes that happened were those that I’d so desperately needed the whole time. I never got top surgery because of weight limitations placed on it, and this was an enormous source of pain for me for a long time, but I’ve learned to cope with it now. I’m getting along with my boobs because they’re just a part of my body, that is, unless they start growing cancer which does run in the family, and I’m never not suspicious of them for that reason.

It’s just, it’s hard to describe the story of my dysphoria without telling you all of this. It’s not just one or two things, it’s a history of a lifetime, little things that are good and this grand shadow that follows you around and makes everything more painful and difficult to endure because it’s already weighting you down. The terror of realisations and going back in the closet, but also the unmatched comfort and feeling of finally being how you were meant to be when you see yourself more akin to the picture in your head.

There’s a lot that I’ve left out, and not much of this is probably very helpful, but it is what it is.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

Anything in the world

(Yandere Giorno Giovanna X reader)

You had never really met your father. It wasn't because he was a dead beat that didn't care about you, it was quite the contrary. He loved you to death but him being a mafia boss would put you in terrible danger. So at birth you had two identities, Marie Alice Sallustio, who your mother delivered as a still born and then their was you 'a girl born from an under aged woman who was adopted by your mother'.

At the age of eight your father had sent you and your mother out of Italy. He had paid your mother enough to live in the most luxurious suburb of your country, to get the best education and to buy the most expensive clothing on the market.

🐞🐞🐞

"It's a pointless pursuit boss, Mr Sallustio's daughter died at childbirth eighteen years ago" a man argued.

"I don't think so, Sallustio's ex wife left him before the child's birth and when that child died she adopted the child of the woman next to her..." A young man in a royal blue suit said while sitting on a recliner as he flicked a few stray strands of hair out of his face.

"Both were female born on the same day and time, both same weight, Hight, blood type. Coincidence, I think not" he continued.

"But how can you be so sure sir?"

"Why do you think that he's been sending so much money overseas, I don't see it as a very effective way of money laundering"

"Ten years ago his ex left Italy and that's when he started sending all of the money over" he continued.

"But how are we supposed to take her from there to here?" the man asked as he pointed to on the map.

"She's booked five nights at a hotel close by, which means she'll be in Italy"

"So I want you to go and bring her to me... Unharmed, understood?"

"Yes boss"

🐞🐞🐞

On 2005 your eighteen birtday had arrived and boy did your father go all out on costs, a cruise trip all around the Meditation region. It had been amazing. The food, the culture, the experiences. The trip had been a blast.

You had arrived at the docks of Italy, your last stop. Tonight you were supposed be heading to the airport to go home but you had different plans. You were going to stay behind for a few more days to reconnect with your homeland.

You waited for your limousine at the car park, you looked at the time. 10:15pm, they were late. You sighed as you tapped your shoes in announce. A few minutes had passed before the limousine arrived you walked up to the driver's side.

"Your twenty minutes late" you said with irritation in your voice.

"Sorry ma'am, I won't charge you" he apologized as you hopped into the back with your luggage.

"Take me to the Santino hotel please" you said.

"Of course ma'am"

🐞🐞🐞

You poured yourself a glass of wine and looked out the window, you realised that something was wrong. None of these buildings and structures were on the way to the hotel.

"Umm, sir your going the wrong way!" you yelled. you saw the driver window slowly lower. There was two people in the front and the passenger pointed a pistol at you.

"Listen, comply and you won't get hurt" he said as he undid his seat belt and climbed into the back.

"What do you want from me?" You asked as a shiver went down your spine.

"We need you to answer a few questions, Marie Sallustio" he said.

They knew, this was bad. You sat in shock for about a minute or so before you bolted to the door and opened it. A lightheaded feeling began to stir as you looked out, the limousine was probably going at about 60km/h. You looked back at the man who was now holding out his hand towards you.

"Come on, sit back down... Nobody has to get hurt, we just want some answers" he said in a concerned tone. You felt a skull splitting head ache pounding your head and you lost your footing as the world around you fell into an inky abyss as you landed on the tarmac.

"Pull over!" The man yelled to the driver as he saw your body rolling across the road. The car came to a hault and the two ran over to your body, they looked in shock as they saw your body. Cuts everywhere, blood trickling down onto the tarmac and a piece of glass stabbed through your eyeball.

"Do you think the boss could fix this?"

🐞🐞🐞

"I told you to bring her unharmed" the blonde haired male hissed in irritation.

"But she was already going to get beaten" one of the men argued.

"No, we were going to keep it civil" he sighed.

"She has nothing to do with the Mafia" he continued.

"I can't believe you two couldn't complete that simple task..."

"But... But" the two stuttered.

"Get lost,you two are useless" he said as he gestured them to leave.

He looked over you your form.

He brushed his hand through his hair.

'hopfuly it won't take long to heal her wounds' he thought.

Thou his main reason of having you brought to him was a tactic to get your father to surrender, an alternative motive had began to sprout in his mind a few months ago. He was just so interested in you as an individual. Their was just something about you that seemed to attract him to you.

After healing all your wounds he could help but admire you even more. You looked even more beautiful in person, but he couldn't admire your sleeping form for much longer, the sleeping powder that had been slipped in your wine wouldn't last much longer.

🐞🐞🐞

You groaned as you eyes adjusted to the harsh morning light of the sun. You looked around. You didn't know where you were, from the looks of the place it seemed to be type of flat, maybe a rent out accommodation. You got out of the comfy bed you were laying on and looked out the window. Grape vines as far as the eye could see. You were most likely in a vineyard.

You heard a click, then a slight creak. You instantly turned around to see a young male in the door way.

"I'm sorry, I hope I didn't startle you" he spoke in a smooth tone. He had long blond hair, mesmerising blue eyes and wore a rather expensive looking blue suit. You would be lying if you said that he wasn't attractive, however there was something unsettling about him.

"Where am I?" You asked.

"I can't really tell you that right now" he responded as he locked the door behind him.

"Then could you at least tell me your motives?"

"Certainly, Marie" he replied.

"That is not my name" you snarled.

"But... You are Sallustio's Daughter right?" He asked. You let out a small sigh.

"Yes I am, but Marie is not my name... Marie is in a coffin buried under the ground in some cemetery" you said.

"I only know myself as (Y/n)" you continued.

"Alright (Y/n), but as I was going to say" he said as he walked to a small table in the centre of the room, he pulled a chair out and guestued you to sit down. You complied and he pushed your chair in before sitting on the other.

"Do you know what your father does for a living (Y/n)?" He asked you.

"To a degree, I know he is a mafia boss" you replied.

"Well he runs a relatively successful drug ring, and I want to get rid of it" he explained.

"Why, because you want to make more profit from your own" you said as you huffed and rolled your eyes.

"No, it's because I want to stop the drug epidemic from taking the lives of innocence people" he stated passionately. That had perked you up a bit, hearing that he wanted to stop drug rings as a whole.

"I've tried to resolve this matter with him directly but that hasn't seemed to have worked... So I had to move to more drastic measures" he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.

"I promise that my men and I won't hurt you, you have no dealing with his gang" he reassured you. A loud knocking could be heard along with a muffled voice that you could only just make out.

"Hey Giorno! All the preparations are done!"

"Ok Mista I'm coming" he yelled back.

"So you name's Giorno?" You asked.

"Yes, Giorno Giovanna" he said as he got out of his chair and kissed your hand in a gentlemanly matter before going to the door and unlocking it.

"Has anyone told you how beautiful you are?" he asked before leaving and locking the door once again.

🐞🐞🐞

As a young child your mother had planted seeds of fear in your mind when it came to the Mafia. She had told you about every gang and what they did but one group always sent a shiver down your spine. Passioné.

"If you ever get caught up with any gang be patient, tell them everything you know and be composed and compliant" you mother told you as she sat at the end of your bed.

"Unless your dealings with Passioné, then you must try to escape at all costs" she said.

"But you said that if I try to run away... then they'll... Hurt me..." You sobbed in fear.

"Yes but Passioné are... Different... Very different, inhuman" she said, her face became pale.

"They can do things that are unimaginable... Indescribable, the thing they will do to get their way is truely the stuff of nightmares"

🐞🐞🐞

Days had passed and you had never left the room. Giorno had brought you food whenever he could. He told you what the plans were. Send your father a recording of you telling him all the details and then you would be brought to the designated area where the deal would be made and after that you would be free. So you complied and made the recording.

🐞🐞🐞

"Giorno" you said just as he was about to walk out the door.

"Yes (y/n)?" He asked.

"Umm I just wanted to thank you for not hurting me"

"Now why would I want to hurt you" he asked as he walked back to you.

"My mother always told me that if I was taken by the Mafia then they would" you mumbled as you looked down. He lifted your chin lightly.

"I would never let that happen to anyone, especially not you" he said as he looked straight into your eyes.

"Especially not me?" You said in a confused tone.

"Yes, especially not you" he replied. You felt a light uneasy due to his close proximity and the the tone in his voice.

"Giorno!" You heard the same voice as the other day.

"Ok I'm coming!" He he yelled, irritation in his voice. He walked out the door and locked it again.

You could just hear them talking to each other, curiosity had got the best of you and you walked right up to the door to listen to them.

"If he refuses my second request Mista, then I want you to kill him" you heard Giorno say.

"Yes, but what about (Y/n)? She'll see it won't she?" The other male said.

"She'll be asleep in the limo a few metres away" Giorno responded.

"From Sallustio's response he definitely is on edge by the fact that his daughter is being held hostage by Passioné"

Your heart skipped a beat, you were being held by Passioné and they had plans of killing your father.

You went into a frenzy and Started packing up your backpack with the essentials. Purse, passport, one set of fresh clothes and you backup cell phone which had been hidden in the lining of you suitcase, hopefully it had some charge in it. You noticed that the balcony doors hadn't been locked. You took out your chunky earrings and put them on the dressing table. You couldn't take everything with you. You could always get more clothes and jewelry when you got back, you had to escape, this was you chance.

You grabbed the bed sheets off of your bed and tied them together and tied them to the railing before throwing it off and slowly climbing down them. You let out a sigh as you touched the ground but the task Was nowhere near complete. You had to run now and try to find an exit.

🐞🐞🐞

You ran beside the drive way for what seemed to be forever. Your lungs were screaming for you to stop, you legs felt like they were turning into jelly and your chest was aching. You sat down between two of the rows of grapevines that surrounded you. You opened your bag and grabbed your phone and pressed the on button. You prayed for you phone to turn on. A feeling of pure euphoria washed over you as you heard the start up tone of you phone and as soon as it was on you went through your contacts before calling you mother. Hopefully one reception bar was good enough.

One ring...

Two rings...

Three rings...

"(Y/n) are you- where- ou?" Your mother voice yelled, despite it being disjointed and glitchy you could still piece together what she was saying.

"Mom, I'm alright... I don't know where I am thou" you weesed.

"What?"

"I've been kidnapped by Passioné" you yelled into the phone. You could hear you mother sob and cry.

"Mom please listen to me... They plan to kill father during the hand over"

"Huh? They plan to mill flour during the what?" She asked. You sighed in frustration.

"Mom they are going to-!" you were stopped by the feeling of something wrapping around you. You screamed in horror as you looked to see what it was. A constrictor python was wrapping it's long body around you.

"What's wrong!" Your mother screamed.

"A python is wrapped around me" you screamed.

"What's -ed around you!" Your mother yelled.

"A python!" You screamed as you thrashed around, trying to get it off of you.

"What's a - doing in Italy!" She hysterically screamed.

"I don't know!"

"Get it off of-" was the last thing you heard before your phone shut down.

"No, no, no NO!" You screamed.

"Fucking piece of shit!" You continued as you threw the phone at the python, it hissed at you as it's wrapped itself tighter around your form. You felt something hit you but nothing had.

You looked at the sky, you only had a few minutes of light left.

"(Y/n), where are you?" you heard Giorno call out.

You looked through the vines and saw him, probably only 3 metres away. You grabbed the python and forced it off of you, it flailed in your hand as you held.

"Over here!" you yelled before throwing it at him and making a mad dash to the road that was in sight. You felt yourself getting closer and closer to freedom with each step but then you tripped, a vine was wrapped around your leg. It grew rapidly, climbing further up your leg. You let out a scream, uncertain of what was happening. You then saw a pair of rusty sheers, they must have been left from the last season.

You tried to grab them but the vine pulled you back. You got on your knees and made a desperate leap to grab them, you were successful and tested them. You could only just use them.

"I wouldn't suggest using those to do what I think your about to do" Giorno voice said. You looked behind you with the python around his shoulders. You didn't listen to him and attempted to cut the vine but as you did a pair of deep cuts formed on you leg. You let out a pain filled scream.

You tried to continue but the wounds got deeper. To stop you he quickly snatched the sheers off of you and in front of your very eyes it turned a crow and flew away.

"What... Are you" you cried

"What do you mean?" He said as he knelt beside you. The python loomed only inches from your face, he quickly pulled it away from you and it turned into one of the earrings that had taken off.

"How...can you do that?" You said as you tried to back away.

"I have my secrets" he lightly chuckled as he summoned another vine which wrapped around your arm, making you lose your balance and fall to the ground.

"Now I want to know why you escaped?" he asked as he moved closer to you.

"You're going to kill my father, I can't let you do that!" You cried.

"That's only if he doesn't he doesn't comply with what I ask" he said.

"What's the second request then?" You asked as the last ray of sunlight disappeared. He ran his fingers through your hair.

"You shouldn't worry about that" he cooed as he gave you a small smile.

"Now come on let's head back, I'll help clean your wounds" he said as the vines disappeared.

This was all part of his act. He pretended to be nice so that you would follow his commands but you weren't going to fall for it this time. You made a sprint to the road but after a few seconds you weren't getting any closer. You then relized that you were moving backwards, like you were in reverse and you ended up back on the floor, just like before. Giorno had a blank expression on his face but you felt very intimidated.

"I won't let you get away from me" he said as he pulled you up but you just couldn't stand, you were almost lifeless. Even just blinking was a struggle. You just passed out.

🐞🐞🐞

You woke up in a dark room, you tried to rub your eyes but your hands were tied to the frame of the bed you were laying on. You then felt something next to you. You could only make out a few details with the dim moonlight that entered past a set of curtains, but you could tell it was Giorno. He let out a small groan as his eyes opened. You pretended that you were still asleep.

"I know your awake" he said but you kept up the act.

"Your breathing is rather fast for somewho is supposedly sleeping" he continued as he trailed his soft fingers up your leg. You wanted to kick but your leg still hurted from earlier. Tears started to well up in your eyes as his fingers drifted up your upper thigh, you opened your eyes to see him ontop of you. You began to cry in fear. He then stopped and got off of the bed.

"I wouldn't do that to you, as I promised I will not hurt you" he said.

"But if it were someone else... They would have continued, no matter how much you would pleed" he continued. You continued to cry, just out of uncertainty of what was going to happen.

"(Y/n) please stop crying, it really does hurt me" he said as he leaned down beside you and wiped your tears before kissing your forehead.

"Just go back to sleep, you need your rest" he whispered.

"Why... Why do you say and do thing like this to me?" you asked, he then leaned in again, this time his lips ghosted on your own.

"Because, I love you"

🐞🐞🐞

"Why do you like that girl so much?" Mista said as he watched Giorno playing with strands of your hair.

"There's just something about her, I just can't quite put my finger on" he said.

"It's not long until we get there, you know your gonna have to let her go" Mista said.

"Who said that I was going to?" He said.

"He has two choices. To give her to me as any respectable father would or I'll tear her out of his dying grasp. Ultimately it's his choice"

[mellz117]

Hello all and welcome to part 4 of my playthrough of KH2 on the PS2. If you haven't seen the previous entries please go do that.

[ _1_ ] [ _2_ ] [ _3_ ]

To recap: The Wonders of Twilight Town are boring as hell. We spoke to Namine again, Roxas finally realizes his life this week is a lie and starts to remember his life in the Organization. DiZ is racist against Nobodies but we already knew that. Roxas and Axel fight, I wanted to cry. Roxas meets Sora in his sleeping pod before disappearing, I wanted to cry.

And the adventure continues

I wanna know how Sora wakes up in the real world when Roxas merges with him in the virtual one. How in CoM does Sora go to sleep in Castle Oblivion, the whole-ass chamber and then some get transferred to Twilight Town, Roxas meets him in a virtual version of the mansion, and Sora wakes up in the real mansion in KH2? Nomura please explain this series. Is Final Fantasy ever this convoluted?

Donald and Goofy call out to Sora and we're once again reminded this is a Disney game. I don’t know why but the fact that Disney owns the original Kingdom Hearts characters bothers me. It means, unless DISNEY gives the OK, Sora will never be in Smash Bros. and that makes me sad.

I don't know much about comas but after a year of total inactivity, wouldn't your muscles atrophy like, A BUNCH? At least is wasn’t 7... OR VENTUS WITH A WHOLE DECADE WTF?

Again WHY COULDN'T JIMINY JUST KEEP EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN CHAIN OF MEMORIES WRITTEN DOWN IN HIS JOURNAL INSTEAD OF A CRYPTIC MEMO TO THANK NAMINE?

The trinity trio wanders out of the mansion, loot some chests, and find their way to the back alleys of town.

Hayner is rude RIGHT outta the gate, wow. Ok I remember that Pence actually met Roxas in Days, and so to me he seems to recognize Sora through his memories of Roxas despite the two sharing like, one visual similarly: blue eyes. But KH3 to my understanding reveals that the virtual versions of characters affect the real version so I dunno!! WHAT IS THIS SERIES?

"Have you finished the summer homework yet?" Olette asks Sora and his two ANIMAL COMPANIONS as if seeing two anthropomorphic animals is fucking normal in a town comprised entirely of humans and exactly one moogle.

Sora doesn't have any homework. For over a year he's been away from home and his mom couldn't make him go to school. I wonder how she's doing? Does she miss her son? Kingdom Hearts and parents don't gel.

I like how.. When Pence describes this cloaked figure who was looking for the trinity trio, as having big, round ears, they have to think about who it could possibly be. They’re not too bright.

Why is “sofa” capitalized? Also they weren't even sitting on it, neither of them were!

HAYNER IS A RUDE BOY! He tells us so ask Seifer about the town, as we are new. Bruh, if you’re this rude to us I’m sure how much worse Seifer and his posse are.

Seifer is immediately confrontational. “You here to pick a fight with us?” and Sora’s all like “No, we’re new here.” and DONALD FUCKING DUCK! INSULTS SEIFER AND NOW EVERYONE’S READY TO THROW DOWN! THANKS TO THIS DUMB FUCK DUCK!

But thank Christ big chungus appears out of nowhere and stops the children and two adult furries from causing a scene.

This dude is WAY too into the Struggle tournament. Seifer has an unwanted faaaaan! Bro, go away, you’re creeping on a teenager.

I wanna fight Seifer.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I'm not working on this like I should be. I'm going on vacation soon and since we're all in quarantine I can't really do anything fun so this is the opportune time to catch up.

Moving on! We make our way to the train station and oh no, we're ambushed by Dusks! Because of COURSE we are. Who could've seen THAT coming? /s

I- I like how, even after hearing his voice, and seeing his fucking mousey silhouette, the gang STILL might not be sure this is their stupid rat king. One brain cell between the three of them, I swear, and Goofy is the primary carrier, and it only sometimes works.

Why do we need to purchase tickets to travel on a magical train embarking to an ethereal plane of existence? I guess it's the principal of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S CRYING!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Pence is so cute. I didn't care much for him when I was younger but he's such a cutie. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED TO HUG THIS BOY. LOOK, HE'S SAD!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

It's fat cat Pete. For like ever, I had no idea he was a cat. Wonder what Maleficent saw in him to ally with him.

The trinity trio laughing about killing (or at least taking part in killing) Maleficent. "She's toast!" this sure is early 2000's dialogue...

Heartless everywhere! "You mean the worlds aren't at peace after all" well, no sweetie. It takes time for things to recover from horrible events. *looks at current state of the real world*

So like, I had no idea Yen Sid was a Keyblade warrior??? I had read about that in his Wiki page when I googled if any Keyblade warriors were left handed. (Ven might be, but more likely ambidextrous) But I guess being Mickey's teacher would imply his Keyblade wielder roots but whatever, I didn't pay attention when I was a teenager.

Yen Sid's decor is baffling. What are these bookshelves? What are these BOOKS? They're huge!

Good on Yen Sid for using singular “they” pronouns in 2005.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

On to our change of wardrobe. Without a doubt Sora's best look in the whole series, in my humble opinion. Lookit my handsome boy. 

And Sora learns about drive forms, blah, blah, blah, powerful forms, gotta sacrifice something like in Duel Monsters, in this case an ally.

Yen Sid is so boring.

All seriousness and tension is just broken as soon as Goofy’s name is uttered, at least Sora and Donald have normal names wtf.

It’s interesting how like, 15 years later, Union X explains how Maleficent was able to return after her defeat. Something about, as long as someone from your original time remembers you and you have a physical object to represent you you’re able to basically some back from the dead. Right? Am I right on that? I haven’t played it but I’m hanging by a thread on this loop.

Sora’s hard work down the drain...

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Hollow Bastion! And of course there’s trouble. Heartless, Nobodies, and Yuffie, oh my!

A problem sequels have to work around is when the protagonist needs to relearn their abilities. KH does a well and good job with this one. In CoM, it’s a different battle style, in KH2 Sora’s been asleep for a hear prior.

Also, Merlin “leant” Sora some magic spells? How does that work? Like, once you learn it you can’t just... give that knowledge back...?

……………………………………………………………………………………………

How old is Leon? He has no right being this pretty.

Another ambush by Nobodies. Give it a rest, would ya? Battle ensues, Leon deals the final blow against an enemy, and as the camera usually does, zooms in on the victor and we get a nice slow-mo crotch shot of Leon. Thanks, game... Then, Xemnas’s very sexy, very manly voice echoes across town and the organization appears before our protagonists. I’m weak.

Demyx’s laugh, dude. I love it. Sora is ready to throw hands with anyone in his way. Honey, you’re barely out of a magic coma and this dude is like, two whole feet taller than you. Not to mention very fit.

I’m done thirsting over Xemnas...

After a few taunting words, the new villains depart, Donald attempts to give chase somehow? Where you gonna go? They disappeared behind dark corridors. It seems Goofy is still holding onto that shared brain cell.

The Bastard

I like the majority of the Organization. Xigbar is definitely one of my favorites based on this next scene alone. He’s so snarky and full of shit. I love it. He’s great. He was definitely a stoner at some point.

I’m confused though. “He used to give me that same exact look!” the Wiki says Xigbar’s talking about Ven but I always thought he was referring to Roxas? Did Braig and Ven have a history? That’s implied in Days (which released before BbS) IDK dude. I’m surprised I’ve gone this long without spoiling myself too much on BbS. Like, a few story beats here and there but a lot of it isn’t gonna be known until I play it.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

The dialogue for KH2 was so different from the first game. It dates itself so much in comparison.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Xiggy stands like this for 7 whole seconds parting with a condescending “Be a good boy now!” before disappearing. I love this fucker.

Leon, who’s been sitting on the sidelines this whole time, joins Sora and the others after the real threat is gone. We chitchat for a little bit and say our goodbyes. It’s time to leave this place and move on to one of two available worlds.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

At the Beast's Castle. After fighting a hoard of Shadows, the least intimidating enemy in the series (although the demon tower in kh3 is quite frightening nlg), the Beast himself makes his appearance, takes out the Heartless that suddenly stop multiplying upon his arrival, disgracefully shoves his supposed friends aside, and takes his precious rose to the west wing, which is where it SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. ADAM WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

……………………………………………………………………………………………

No joke one of the funniest actual gags in the whole series is:

*Donald Duck manhandling Cogsworth*

Cut to Sora saying "I'm glad you're OK." to Lumiere

……………………………………………………………………………………………

OK the minigame where you gotta light the magic torches, why do we have to make sure Cogsworth  has enough strength to keep the lever down when we have two perfectly capable companions that can hold it down instead? I remember this sequence being a lot more annoying when I was a teen.

Xaldin's voice makes me feel things. Ahhh he sounds so tired lol. He peaces out and we fight the Beast. I remember getting him to calm down being harder.

"Xaldin used my anger to control me!" Says Beast. He angers very easily so this must have been a cinch. Xaldin's been obsessed with him since Days so I would imagine this intel would come in handy.

More fodder to fight and on to the boss. Phase one is just an angrier version of the Darkball Heartless. Phase two is just skinny Ganon. I like its design though.

“Belle, I’m sorry. I wasn’t myself, being all rude and overall kind of a jackass to you and my servants” Except that’s kinda how you’ve always been lmao. Just because you couldn’t choose not to be an ass here doesn’t change that this IS in character. Still gotta work on that a bit.

“You don’t have to apologize” No, no he still does.

They all reconcile and the Trinity Trio departs until Xaldin shows up again to wreak more havoc.

Time to move on to the next world.

[axelsagewrites]

Magnus Bane*No Tea Tonight PT2

A/N: IM SORRY. Im a day late. But this time my laptop broke right when I had a history and english assinment. I then had to write out my English essay (4 pages) and history essay (6 pages) by hand with all my notes saved on my laptop. That was my fun weekend. Im sorry. Im trying, I promise.

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Magnus Bane X Warlock!Reader

Part one

"Should we tell Magnus?" Isabelle asked her brother. They'd mulled over the case all night, thinking of different theories about where (Y/N) was and why. Going over files was normally tedious but the little clues they found every few pages kept their interest. Soon the pile was sky high. Alec looked up from the stove. he'd offered to make breakfast, not wanting to be poisoned by Isabelle, before they went to follow up some clues. "Maybe. I'm not sure. This might not go anywhere, I don't want him to get his hopes up," The pancakes were ready, and Alec handed Izzy a plateful. "Yeah but," she started with the pancake in her mouth, "he'll know stuff we won't. Plus, they were in love," "Exactly. When Valentine took Jace I was distraught but I knew he was alive because we were parabatai. That kept me going. Now we're going to put Magnus through the same stress with no guarantee." Isabelle sighed, "It's just not right. I would want to know," It was too early for Alec to really care about anything, but this was getting to him, "We follow up some clues, first hint of something we'll call him. Deal?" "Deal."

It was somewhat expected that most of their clues would be duds. They were vague photos of someone who vaguely looked like (Y/N) from years ago. Most of the areas had either changed or been remodeled since or it was a landmark where no one would've remembered them. They decided a snack was well deserved so bit the bullet and got some street food. "I always think I'm going to die when I eat this," Alec said once they were out of the vendors hearing. Isabelle shrugged as she plopped on a bench, Alec follows, "At this point, I'd eat anything," It was a wonder to other females how Isabelle could eat so much and be that fit. "You got the files?" Alec pulled out what a mundane would describe as a flash drive and pressed a small button. Like in the institute a screen was lit up like a hologram they could swipe on. And like all their other tech the Mundanes couldn't see it. "We've checked clues A through H. the rest seem to be spread across the world. Malta, London, Tokyo, Morocco, basically everywhere," Isabelle squinted at the screen, "I don't get it. it's not like (Y/N) was discreet. Look, they're in full view in that one, not even trying to hide," Isabelle pointed to a photo of (Y/N) standing at some old bookshop seemingly looking right at the camera, "I just don't get it," Alec thought it over when something popped in his head, "What I don't get is why we're out here when this was Jace's idea," "Oh, he's trying to get permission from the clave to escalate the case," She rolled her eyes, "Clary said they were going out today so I think he might be lying," "Ya think?" Alec was anything if not sarcastic. "Where's the bookshop?" "Dunno. it just says Marvin's Books. No street or anything," "We must be missing something," Alec muttered, enhancing the photo and looking at every corner and pixel he could. "There, look." Isabelle did and shrugged, "Do you know any Mundanes with purple skin?" Isabelle looked closer and sure enough, there was an arm in the shop window, the rest of the body not in view. But the hand was purple. "Hey, that photo at the twin towers..." "Probably the same guy. Maybe if we find the bookshop," "Well it has to be an English speaking country because of the sign," Alec nodded along to Isabelle's thoughts "and the clothes are so 2005," Alec gave Izzy a look who shrugged it off. Izzy scanned the photo some more, "Zoom in on that bag," Alec did, "And that mundane looks like she's holding a target bag." "Must be America," "Yeah. So, 2005, America, some guy named Marvin." "It's a start,"

There's only so much Isabelle and Alec can do so they went back to the institute, running the photo of the bookshop against the institute's gallery. Thank angel you can filter by date and location otherwise it would've taken weeks. Instead just 3 days. Izzy groaned when she saw the estimate. "Look who decides to show up," Alec says as Jace and Clary walk past. Jace pauses with a grin, "You know how the clave is-" "You're lying. Isabelle said you and the little girl were going on a date. So you get to alphabetize the case files," Alec grabbed and chucked a huge file filled with random sheets of paper at Jace. Jace grimaced, "Why do we keep paper copies?" Alec shrugged, "To make you suffer?" he suggested. "So did you'd find anything?" Clary asked, too upbeat for Alec's liking. Isabelle groaned from in front of the screen, "Give this thing 3 days and maybe. Something about a bookshop, some guy names Marvin, 2005, and some guy with purple skin," Clary raised her eyebrows, "You asked." Isabelle turned to her brother, "Are we telling Magnus?" Internalizing the biggest sigh possible, Alec forced himself out his seat, "C'mon then," "You know there's no point in us all going," Jace said. "Jace unless you want me to hire decorators to turn your room into a duck wonderland I suggest you put your shoes back on," Jace scoffed. Isabelle didn't, "He's not kidding. Look we got bored," Isabelle clicked on a different tab and a Pinterest board of duck-themed bedrooms popped up. Jace shivered, "Bloodthirsty little beasts. Let's go then,"

The eldest lightwood was less than enthusiastic that Clary had joined them but said nothing. Well, nothing much. Isabelle talked to Clary about what outfit to were next time they went out and Jace held his arm protectively around Clary. So Alec thought about how to tell Magnus what they'd found. Hey Magnus your lovers not dead Sup Magnus? By the way, you're missing lover might've been kidnapped by some purple dude. Hi, Magnus. So you remember that lover that's been missing for almost 20 years and is probably our fault? Yeah, we found her! Turns out we just never looked in the first place. Or as Alec actually said when Magnus opened the door, "We found (Y/N). well, pictures at least," Alec needn't have said more before Magnus ushered them all in. "What do you mean?" The group shared a look at Magnus' desperation. "I don't care how...bad it is just tell me. I need to know," Isabelle stepped forward, "We found a picture of (Y/N) after they went missing. Couldn't have been taken before 2014," "Impossible. You must be wrong," Pulling out the flash drive, Izzy brought up the photo, "That museum wasn't built till 2014. They were alive then...maybe now," Magnus just stared at the image. "But-but if (Y/N) is alive, why haven't they came back?" The shadowhunters couldn't look him in the eye. Isabelle swiped through the photos "Some of them aren't very clear but look. (Y/N) has been all over the place. Every continent. The last photo was taken in 2015 outside of some shop in England," She swiped to the photo. "They have CTV in England," Magnus' eyes lit up as he spoke, "The whole place is covered in cameras," Alec sighed, "They get wiped every few months, let alone years." Magnus ran a hand through his hair, pulling at it, "Why are you showing me this?" Isabelle and Alec shared a  look, "We need your help." Isabelle told him. She went to the photo with the man with purple skin and horns, "He's been in a few photos. Well bits of him. This is the only one showing his face. Do you, do you recognize him?" Magnus stared at the photo, "I've met a lot of warlocks. Can't you check the system?" "They're not all on there. If other warlocks hiding them they tend to slip through the gaps," Alec said. "You think (Y/N) was hiding someone?" Alec hesitated but gave a single nod, "Theirs no way. They would've told me. (Y/N) was horrible at secrets, got all riled up over them." Magnus looked at the picture longer, "He looks...familiar?  As I said I've met a lot of people. Horns and purple skin aren't such a rarity. Hasn't he shown up in his own photos?" "Only with (Y/N)," Isabelle said. Jace suddenly seemed to realize something and grabbed Clary's satchel. "Hey!" She objected as Jace rummaged till he pulled out a file, "Jace!" "Sorry babe," he flicked through the file, "Here, it's some of the pictures of him," Jace handed Magnus a small stack of maybe 7 photos that had been printed, the first being the one of the man. Clary and Alec were both glaring at him, "One less thing to file," he murmured under his breath. Magnus shot him a quick glare, "I'll have a think on it," That pleased the shadowhunters. "Look if you think of anything, even not about these photos, call us yeah?" Alec said. "Of course. Anything to find (Y/N)," Magnus seemed to suddenly dislike shadowhunters again as he began to hustle them out the door. Alec hung back to check on him, "I'm...okay. Look its difficult. I've not seen a recent picture, I've not had this sort of hope. You need to give me time," Alec nodded, "Of course. But you know we're here for you?" Magnus nodded. Alec looked over his shoulder before saying in a quieter voice, "You helped me a lot when we first met. I was confused and in denial. I know we're on different sides but Magnus, you're a real friend," "I'm glad I could help Alexander," Magnus said, "Truly. No one should feel ashamed of what they are," "And you shouldn't be ashamed of feeling alone. If you need to talk," "I'll call," Magnus finished it for him. "Thank you. (Y/N) should see me now, being friends with a shadowhunter," They both gave a short laugh over that. "I'll see you later," "Bye Magnus," Alec walked down to meet his friends and Clary. Isabelle hung back, asking what that was about. "Just wanted him to know he isn't alone," "Does Alec have a crush?" Izzy teased. Alec rolled his eyes, "We've been over this. Sure he's cute but no," "Still hung up on you know who?" she nodded to the couple in front. "Nah. I'm young, apparently, I've been...seeing people." This statement led to a long and intense discussion on Izzy's part trying to find out who exactly.

Magnus watched from his balcony as the shadowhunters walked out of sight. Chairman brushed by his feet, reminding him to feed his cat. Magnus set a bowl of food down and went to sit on his couch. The photos sat discarded on the coffee table. The warlock picked the top one up with an expression only someone with too many memories could have. "What did you do Caleb?" Magnus whispered, staring at the infrit on the paper. Magnus snapped his finger and the strongest drink he could image showed up. He flung the photo back on the pile and leaned back into the couch, drink in hand. "You were always (Y/N)'s favorite rescue,"

Part three

[broken-emotionalmess]

My parents watch supernatural part 2

Get ready folks for my parents to watch supernatural for the second time. I decided to do episode 5x01 because my mum likes movies about the end of the world. So spoilers ahead. Hope you enjoy :)

Me; Ready?

Mum; (Sighs)

Me; Now there’s this angel called Castiel. He was meant to kind of...i forgot what he was meant to do (Does anyone remember what Cas was first meant to do?) He’s just an angel 

Mum; (Referring to Bobby) Is he the old guy?

Me; No he’s kind of the young guy. The old guy is like their surrogate dad whose kind of adopted them.

Mum; What happened to the dad?

Me; He died. He traded his life for Dean’s. And the monster that they hunted, and that killed their mum is gone... he’s dead.

Mum; (Interested noise)

Me; So the angel Castiel has decided to rebel against heaven because he has realised that they’re like really bad. 

Mum; So that’s like Micheal the archangel.

Me; This whole season is Lucifer, Micheal, Gabriel, and Raphael. The angels are really bad because they manipulate things to try and get their way. 

Mum; Okay. 

Me; Ok.

Dad; I’m gonna lie down on the coach. 

Mum; And whose Lucifer? Is that a person?

Me; No he’s the devil

Mum; (Gesturing to the cartoon on the plane) Is that the devil?

Me; Yeah. 

Mum; (Laughs and the scene on the plane)

Me; Oh yeah GOD is in this like apart of it.

Dad; Wasn’t this on like some years ago?

Me; Yeah it started in 2005. Cas is the angel.

Mum; (sighs)

“The Archangels smoked the crap out of him”

Mum; (Scoffs)

Zachariah and angels show up

Me; They’re angels. 

Mum; Oh. 

“Cause like it or not its apocalypse now”

Mum; (Laughs)

Mum; Will we see him?

Me; Lucifer? You see the guy he is possessing, I think. 

“You listen to me boy”

Mum; (Laughs) 

Me: Yeah I know its all very “Boy!” (southern)

Mum: It’s silly. 

Me: That's a sigil that sends the angels back too heaven. 

“This sucks ass”

Mum; (Laughs)

“I learned it from Ruby”

Me; Ruby is the demon that manipulated him.

“-It’s like whoever put me on that plane cleaned me right up”

Me: He was a junkie.

Sees Mark Pellegrino.  

Me; Oh this is the guy the devil possesses. Nick.

The scene where Nick is coved in blood in the bed

Mum; Oh for- 

The scene where Becky comes in reading her fanfic aloud.  

Me; (embarrassed) Oh my god. I forgot this scene was in here. The prophet (Chuck) wrote books about their lives (Sam and Dean) because he thought they were his own ideas. And she is like a fan, who is obsessed. 

Side note; My mum watches me thought out this whole scene. I think she believes I am now like Becky. 

The scene where Bobby comes in. 

Me; That’s Bobby the surrogate father.

Mum; How did they meet him?

me; he’s a hunter as well. So they met him when they were kids. Their dad took them to him, to watch them.

Mum; Oh. 

“Guy looks like Kate Blanchet”

Mum; (Rolls eyes)

“He was the one who booted Lucifer downstairs” 

Me; There you go.  

Me; Uh no. I hate this scene. 

The scene where Sam confesses to setting Lucifer free and then Bobby’s reaction. 

Mum; (Laughing)

Me; Stop laughing. It’s not funny it’s very serious. 

“You sorry you started Armageddon” 

Mum; (scoffs)

“I want you to lose my number”

Mum; (Laughs)

Me; It's very serious.

Me; What do you think so far?

Mum; It’s a bit silly.  

Dad; You have to be committed to the whole thing. 

To my dad; What do you think?

Dad; (Hesitant) Its alright. I prefer my other shows. 

Me; You watch boring Danish shows. 

Dad; It's a bit more believable the whole bloody apocalypse coming. 

Me; I don’t know. 

Mum; All that stuff was made up by very superstitious people. Who couldn’t come up with a scientific rational explanation.  

Me; Oh my god. Do you think all the shows you watch are real?

Mum; (Laughs) Well they are.

Me; No they’re not. 

Mum; Like Primeval, Doctor Who. It would be better if the doctor was in it. 

Side note #2; My mum is a big fan of Doctor Who, Primeval, and some of Sherlock. 

Mum; (Repeating Bobby’s line) “Yeah you do that, Dean”

Me; He’s Sam. 

Mum; Oh whoever (Laughing). (About Sam/Jared) They should’ve called him Dean it would’ve been easier. (Gilmore girls) 

Me; No he doesn’t look like a Dean.

Mum; He was a Dean.

Me; He’s real name is Jared.

Mum; That's a silly name. 

Me; The other guy is called Jensen. 

Mum; JeNsEn?!

Mum; (Repeating Bobby’s line, again) ‘About your brother’, ‘What John said’. Is John the father? 

Me; Yep. 

“He’s ended the world, Dean.”

Mum; (Burts out laughing) How has he ended the world if their still there. That doesn’t make sense 

Me; (Laughing as well) Because he’s let Lucifer out they don’t think they’ll be able to save the world. 

Mum; The worlds still going on. So how does that make sense.  

Me; BeCauSe ThEy LeT LuciFUR OuT. 

“I don’t believe it.”

Mum; I don’t believe it either. 

Bobby punches Dean 

Mum; Oh. Why did he do that? 

Me; He’s possessed. 

Mum; (Gasps, then laughs) 

Me; You're not meant to laugh. 

Scene with Nick 

Me; That’s the devil before he’s the devil. 

Mum; Deleware. you know what the capital of Delaware is? 

Side note #3; My Mum is obsessed with the states of the Us and the Capitols of the states 

Me; (Sarcastically) Ohio. 

Mum; Dover. 

The scene where creepy stuff starts happening to Nick.

Me; You might not like this bit.

Mum; Why? does something happen to the teddy bear?

Me; (Again sarcastically) Yeah. No, it's creepy.

Mum; I don’t wanna see something happen to the bear. 

The scene where blood is coming out of the crib. 

Mum; Oh that’s very yucky. Very messy.

Me; (Sighs)

Mum; What?

Me; You just don’t appreciate the show, for how good it is. 

Cut off to a black screen

Mum; Is it over?

Me; No. 

(Mum laughing quietly) 

Me; Stop laughing. 

Castiel comes in 

Mum; Whose that guy?

Me; Castiel. He’s with the brothers.

Mum; Is he good or bad?

Me; Good. 

Mum; He looks like Captain Jack. (Torchwood)

Castiel disappears 

Mum; Where’d he go?

Me; He disappeared.

Mum; Who was he?

Me; Castiel, the angel...of Thursday. If you want to know.

Mum; oh for goodness sake. 

Me; (quoting a line from the show) I ain’t shutting you out boy. 

Mum; (looks at me with shame) Bella... 

Mum; So is Sam a demon?

Me; No he was just addicted to demon blood. 

Mum; Why?

Me; Because he was given it at birth, and he became a physic person. I think...

Mum; Is this the last season? 

Me; No 

Mum; What happens in the next one?

Me; (Not wanting to get into it) I don’t know. Sam...

Mum; Have you not seen it?

Me; No I have. This is only the fifth season.

Mum; How many are there?

Me; 14.

Mum; Oh god. 

Me; (Laughing) I’m watching the new episode tonight (14x10 ;) ) 

Mum; Not here though. Upstairs. 

Me; Let’s watch it here.

Mum; No it’s too creepy, and it doesn’t make sense unless you’ve watched all of it. 

Me; That's the end of it. 

Mum; (Not paying attention) oh what happened? 

Me; They had a deep discussion on how Dean can’t forgive him. 

Mum; Why what did Dean do? 

Me; No Sa-. Because Sam started the apocalypse. 

Mum; Well he didn’t mean to though, did he? (round off applause for my mother)

Me; EXACTLY! 

Mum; Well it wasn’t his fault.

Me; EXACTLY!

Mum; Well what's the problem?

Me; Because Sam got kind of manipulated by Ruby, to drink demon blood which then separated him from Dean. 

Mum; well that wasn’t his fault. 

Me; THANK YOU!

Me; What did you think?

Mum; Its a bit silly it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Me; It does if you’ve watched all of it. 

Dad; So how far are you through it?

Me; I’m watching the new episode tonight. 

Mum; Don’t you get scared?

Me; Of the 14th season.

Mum and Dad; God

Mum; How can it go on for 14 seasons. 

Me; There’s a lot of storylines. It shouldn’t have gone for that long. 

Dad; I slept a bit, the devil took me. 

That rounds up I think the second and last time my parents will watch supernatural. I believe my mum is a sam girl (like mother like daughter). And I don’t think a part 3 will happen sorry guys but my parents are totally over this. Stay tuned because possibly tomorrow I will post my own reaction to the new season 14 episode 10 reaction. Thanks to everyone who loved part one of this. :)

[sailor-cresselia]

Zi-O 34: *Insert Cake Boss Joke Here*

Blah, blah, insert apology for delay here, add in comments about how I’m totally going to watch the two Rider Time trilogies soon, off hand mention of HeiGen Forever’s raw being out, etc etc.

On to the liveblog. I’ve been at this for a long while now, there were. Distractions. (I swear, I really am working on my fics, guys. That was one of the distractions! I promise!)

Todoroki accuses Kyosuke of not only forgetting the Oni code, but of being too soft to take the Hibiki title. Interesting.

Woz’s intense need to Recap is enough to draw him out of a BSOD induced ‘nap’. That’s dedication to his part right there.

Aw, Junichiro’s not entirely certain what’s going on this time around, and looks like he’s kind of intimidated by Kyosuke’s over-the-top stoicism. ...Relatable.

Geiz rightfully calls Kyosuke out on making them go through the training while lying about being Hibiki, and is, of course, shot down by Stubborn McNotHibiki.

Said stubborn git also refuses to answer Sougo’s incredibly justified question as to whether he was the ‘Hibiki’ who trained Tsutomu, so… Sougo asks if Geiz will stay at the shop, while he and Tsukuyomi go to talk to Todoroki.

Poor Woz. Still coming off of his Blue Screen, he gets dragged off with them. While still in a fifty-percent bluescreen state.

“I… don’t remember how to rejoice…? Me…?” ‘Clearly,’ he has no purpose outside of his Proclamations.

Actually… Sougo’s been telling Woz off about the speeches lately, since he keeps trying to do them whenever they go into Trinity. That keeps throwing off the fights, and is driving both Geiz and Sougo up a wall. Maybe he really is losing his old touch.

Hm. So, yeah, Hibiki is, as said earlier, a title, much like being a True Kamen Rider is. It’s downright offensive of Kyosuke to call himself that, when he apparently dropped out as the former Hibiki’s apprentice. To say nothing of taking on an apprentice not only under false pretenses, but while clearly not ready to do so.

This also raises the question of what happened to the former Hibiki, but I don’t exactly think we’ll get that answered.

And Todoroki doesn’t have an apprentice, doesn’t think he’s ready to be a mentor. This, with him having been Todoroki for… hang on, pulling up the wiki because I forgot the year… since 2005, so for around 14 years now. And, as an aside, he didn’t study under ‘the previous Todoroki.’ He studied under Zanki, and said that he… if I remember hearing correctly, that he didn’t feel worthy of his master’s title. So, that’s interesting.

(As an aside, I recently started watching Decade, and just got through the Blade Arc. So it was a bit of a treat when I got to go “Hey! I know that guy!” when Narutaki summoned the AR Todoroki.)

Also… Sougo being all “you dont think your ready for an apprentice, but why not practice for a day? You’re seeing it as a personal weakness, and I have a Loyal Retainer here who’s having some sort of crisis of faith. Maybe you can help each other work through those! :)”

I pout in your general direction, Kyosuke. How dare you insult Junichiro’s cooking! And us having just met Agito, too! So it’s not even a good Distraction Technique, it’s just rude. Besides…

Kyosuke’s more than salty enough to make up for any imagined deficit.

>:3

Geiz left the yearbook out on the table, to get Kysouke to look at it. Geiz is having exactly none of your shit, Kyosuke, you betrayed a small child.

The ‘reading’ fading as he shuts the book is a nice touch.

Geiz: >:( where are you going?

Kyosuke: none of your business >:\

Junichiro: I found the salt! :) … oh. Now everyone’s taken off again… :(

Tsukuyomi: I don’t think leaving Woz to his own devices is a good idea right now. :\ Or inflicting him on anyone else.

Sougo: It’s fine. :)

Ooooh, I really like this fight so far. Kyosuke’s trying to be the one to snap Tsutomu out of his Another Hibiki Rage, but. You know. Can’t thwart stage one, and all. Dude’s not Hibiki, and you need the Specific Riders Power to win. Unless you have something like Zi-O II on hand.

Sougo goes straight into Zi-O II, since, well, it looks like they aren’t getting the correct RideWatch today, after all. I don’t think we’ve seen Zi-O II in a running transformation before now, either, he’s usually stationary.

Yeah, Kyosuke, Tsutomu and Sougo were friends. Why did you think he knew his name back at the shop?

I like the slight reverb effect whenever Sougo’s sword lands a blow, it’s really neat. I think it’s meshing the Cool Techno Music from this transformation with the Drum Aesthetic of Hibiki. It’s neat.

And that’s only added to when Kyosuke catches the finishing attack with his hands. Like. WOW that’s actually REALLY badass, man, I am impressed by that. There’s a sort of… skipping noise? Like a note interrupting itself over and over? I don’t know how to describe it… kind of like a really fast stuck record, but electronic.

But also…. Do Not Block Finishing Moves. That is how people DIE.

See? Now you’re down, and Another Hibiki’s run off. Good going.

:sigh: Sougo, he intentionally took that finisher. Like an idiot. A well meaning one, because he obviously wants to keep Sougo and Geiz from attacking Tsutomu, but still not a good idea. And then he’s an asshole. “No, obviously I’m not okay.”

Sougo, you don’t need to apologize. He’s the one who ran in there.

Kyosuke: “I don’t want your help. Buzz off. I’m the only Kamen Rider Oni we need around here. >:|”

None of the trio is impressed with you, dude.

AHAHAHA Todoroki has Woz doing laundry. (Nice reaction there, bud. I mean, I kind of agree, but way to keep your cool. We totally think you’re a stoic, noble, retainer for your overlord. Yup. That sure is what we’re thinking about you this arc.)

Woz, I get that physical labor isn’t usually your thing, and I get where you’re coming from, but if you’d just told Sougo even a little of what the problem is, you wouldn’t have landed yourself in this situation.

Also, you’re way overthinking the whole birthday thing. You’re not Kogami. Don’t try to be Kogami. Trust me. Do not try to be the cake boss.

And Todoroki’s right – just being with someone is often enough. (I mean, he probably just broke the hearts of any parents who watched Hibiki, but that’s just how it goes.)

After all.

What has Sougo wanted for years, possibly even more than being a king?

He’s wanted friends.

KYOSUKE. You can’t even go sulk properly? At least go further than one building length away.

Anyway, Sougo has to be direct with you. You’ve dodged literally every question that anyone’s asked today. Cut it out.

~ahahaha yes~ Over Quartzer’s acoustic version kicks in for Kyosuke waxing nostalgic about Hibiki.

And turns out that Tsutomu used to say the same things about him.

Okay. Okay i’m. i’m actually starting to cry a little, here. Flashback to when Sougo and Tsutomu were in third grade, Tsutomu’s being bullied about wanting to be an Oni. Sougo RUNS up and shouts the bullies down. Literally shouts – practically screams at them to not make fun of peoples dreams.

They wonder why anyone should care what the new kid thinks, and walk off because they’re bored now.

This means that Sougo’s just transferred in. He’s probably still fresh off of his parents’ deaths. They died less than a month into the school year, so he would have moved in with Junichiro two, maybe three months in, depending on how long he had to stay in the hospital. (probably not nearly as long as Hiryu did.)

Sougo’s brand new here, doesn’t have any friends – won’t have any real friends, knowing what we know of how he turns out – and he jumps to Tsutomu’s defense.

They promptly introduce themselves to each other, their high-reaching dreams included.

(Tiny!Sougo is TINY, especially compared to his classmates. Even the shortest of the bullies is taller than him. He’s so little.)

[At this point, I accidentally paused for over a half hour, because I thought of how to fix a section in chapter three of Press Start to Continue that I was having trouble phrasing. That then led to me patching up several other sections. Why with the small 8 year old protags and the vehicular accidents, Toei…]

Kysouke doesn’t believe that Tsutomu would have called him his hero. He’s none of these amazing things that Hibiki was, he lied about being Hibiki to this small child.

But Tsutomu didn’t know that. He probably found out, and he’s probably pissed at you now, but when he was an elementary schooler… Kyosuke was Hibiki.

Sougo: Work with us. We can save him together. :)

Tsukuyomi: WE FOUND ANOTHER HIBIKI!

Kysouke: … alright. let’s go.

This initial scene in the warehouse is really touching.

Kysouke knows he screwed up, but he couldnt’ help but train Tsumotu – the kid was just so eager to learn.

Training Tsutomu is what made Kyosuke a real Oni. Maybe not Hibiki, not then, but it was… I think that he thinks that was enough, for then. And that is why he’s going to save Tsutomu. He owes him that.

Todoroki listens to all of this from outside the door.

A pink light glows in Kyosuke’s pocket.

(A blogger jumps back to episode 33, to see if they had shown him a blank watch the first time they went to 9-to-5. They had not, they displayed the Zi-O watch. Drat.)

“Master… is this your way of saying I’m ready?”

We have a different passing down of the powers than those before. Whether it’s in Hibiki or in Zi-O.

I still don’t like you, Kyosuke, but. I think this was a really good way to go about this.

Todoroki looks uncertain still. But. He isn’t stepping in. he knew the prior Hibiki. And he said at the top of the episode, that if Kysouke couldn’t take care of the problem, then he would. And now he’s leaving.

Just in time for Woz to stride on in.

Woz: IWAE! A TITLE HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN!

Geiz: (Oh no here we go.)

Sougo: (...is he back to normal now? Or what counts as normal? Even I know he’s weird…)

Woz: I am sorry I was so unprofessional before.

Sougo just nods mutely. (“This is fine.”)

He doesn’t know what your deal has been today, Woz. And at this point, it doesn’t matter. It’s battle time!

Sougo: It’s trinity time!

Woz and Geiz, in unison: WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WE’RE STILL NORMAL SOUGO NO-

AHAHAHA THE TRINITY WATCH DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE TRANSFORMED YET OR NOT I’M SO SORRY BOYS

And also apparently it feels wrong to get turned into a wristwatch.

(I tell you, watching Decade now was a great choice. The universal reaction of “WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE” is a gift. The Final Form Rides themselves, not so much. But it’s enough that once Tsukasa shows up in ReUnited, Philip and Shotaro are the ones who are going to warn people. “We’re all teaming up to kick his ass, he has it coming so many times over, but Do NOT Turn Your Back On Decade, he can do Weird Shit to you.”)

That aside, Sougo tries to get them into a fighting pose, but Woz’s gotta Woz. He Must Rejoice. It is in the very fiber of his being. He’s not above hijacking the body. And inside they’re just so resigned to it at this point. Sougo’s little pout when they’re lined up oh my god. (Geiz’s arm is trying not to punch Woz’s. I don’t think he can hold back much longer.)

(Let Geiz have the steering wheel at some point, guys! It’s only fair!)

Kyo- Hibiki: Is that really necessary?!

Sougo: …I mean, we’ve tried to talk him out of it, but…

Geiz: (literally shoving Woz’s arm down) F THIS LETS FIGHT!

And this… eh. It’s a fight. I still like the Trinity finisher(s) – I think I noticed before that there’s projections of the three boys right before they attack. But I didn’t catch that it calls out all three of their ‘finisher names’ in sequence, the same way it calls their Rider names. So that’s a neat touch.

And, at the Passing of the Watch, much like with Blade, Chalice, and Agito…

“Are you sure you want to hand this over? It’s your power. You finally get to be Hibiki.”

“It’s fine. I can find my own path.”

...The lighting in this scene is really nice. It’s not a type we see in Zi-O, though. Is this a visual reference to Hibiki the season? I know that cinematography wise, the first half was very different from the rest of Kamen Rider. And since they had the kanji flashing on screen in this and the previous episode, is this another way of calling back? There’s a lot more bloom than we’ve had before, is all.

“Will you train me again?”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Don’t care!”

That’s really nice. All three of them – Sougo, Kyosuke, and Tsutomu – are making their way down their respective paths.

…

All four of them. Todoroki seems to think he might be ready to take on an apprentice of his own.  

But he has to run it by Hinaka first.

TODOROKI. DID YOU GET TO MARRY HER? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT TO MARRY THE GIRL WHAT HAD A CRUSH ON YOU!

YOU GO HINAKA. WIN THAT DORK OVER.

((Unfortunately, Toei can’t include her beyond a name drop. Miyuki Kanbe, who played Hinaka Tachibana, passed away in 2008. Incidentally, she was the third actress to play Sailor Moon in the stage musicals, which explains why her name looked familiar when I went to the page for Hinaka on the KR Wiki.))

Okay enough of the sappy stuff! Back to 9-to-5!

In the dark.

On Sougo’s birthday.

Which he has made exactly zero mention of himself.

you guys I really don’t think sougo cares about his birthday. I know they aren’t going to bring this up in someone elses tribute episode, but. The bus thing. Literally four days before his ninth birthday. Puts a damper on it. Just as a reminder. Woz whatever you’re planning may be a bad idea.

:sigh: FLASHY SPEECH TIME.

Geiz and Tsukuyomi are just. Used to this. I think they may have helped him write it. Even Geiz has this sort of. Fond resignation to his expression. ...That, or he’s getting a kick out of seeing Woz make a fool of himself. Could be both.

WHO LET WOZ PUT THE RIDEWATCHES ON THE CAKE.

THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YOU CAN’T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THEY’RE REPLICAS. THE OVERHEAD ZOOM OUT OF THE ROOM SHOWS THE TABLE WITH THE WATCH STAND. IT’S EMPTY. GUYS WHY.

Aaaaand then my heart broke a little inside.

Sougo’s toy robot, the one that could someday give rise to Rento, is next to the cake, holding up a little sign.

Junichiro: Uh, wait, hang on, you’ve been saying ‘overlord’… you mean ‘king’, right? Please?

Tsukuyomi: Yup! Sure! Just a slip of the tongue! You know how over dramatic Woz gets! (Please don’t dig any deeper!)

And yeah. Sougo completely forgot it was his birthday.

(So, rankings between Sougo, Shinnosuke, and Takeru… which of these riders handles their birthdays going forward the worst?)

(i’m kidding, i’m kidding.)

(mostly)

And then there were four.

Only four more watches to go.

Kiva, who’s coming up in the next arc. Okay, technically the current arc, since it’s Sunday now.

Drive, who might be the next one after that. After all, we did just get the Brain special – with five returning actors.

Kabuto, who… I know jack all about Kabuto, actually. I’ve managed cultural osmosis for parts of literally every one of the Phase One Heisei Riders except for Kabuto. I’ve never heard anything except about some sort of Grandma complex, and something about food. That’s literally all I’ve got.

Four… I guess they must not have gotten Den-O in the movie after all?

I’m planning on watching that, at least in raw form, tomorrow. So. Look forward to that!

As for the preview… I’m pretty sure that woman could kill a man.

And. Um. Are those AnotherVersions of the Fangires from Kiva? Or is that just what they looked like, and Toei brought the old suits back out? I mean, they’ve been kitbashing a lot of old suits together lately, so it could go either way.

Anyway! That’s 34 Episodes of Kamen Rider Zi-O, in the bag! In the archives? The Recap Vault? ... I don’t even know anymore. I’m getting a little out of it. It’s been a rough week. :waves:

[minhoinator]

By My Side, A Hogwarts AU (25/75)

i’ll be home for christmas - “Your parents are planning on taking you and your brother to London at some point during Christmas break, correct?”

Minho squinted and then nodded again.

Kibum scooted forward a little more, grabbing the discarded letter he got from Mom that morning at breakfast. “Mom and Grandma are planning on being in London from the 22nd all the way up to Christmas Eve -- well, we go back to Nottingham that day, but we’ll still be there, anyways you get it.” Minho chuckled and glanced up. His static in his hair must have crackled, because he smoothed it down.

“All I’m saying is, you should try to be there then. Before Christmas, when I’m there! It won’t be perfect, but at least we’ll be able to see each other during the break.”

master list // AO3 // AFF // first year - muggle-born, sorted, first day, homesick, hallowe’en, deck the halls, possibilities, belonging, exceedingly acceptable, return to king’s cross -second year - diagonally, taking flight, ten points, all that glitters, holly jolly, push and pull, shooting stars, special treat, sleepover, promises made - third year - promises kept, troublesome tea, *Oct ‘05*, a little change, peaches and cream, *Dec 9, 2005*

@lockandminkey @minhosbowties @sapphicshawol @shinyexo @posygal @bumkeyko @usuallydreamin  @taespoon-of-sugar (if anyone else wants to be tagged in this, just let me know!)

A/N: this chapter is literally 15k so you’re gonna want to, like, have enough time to read it all or try to break it up into more manageable chunks lol sorry not sorry, and Merry Christmas!

* - * - *

”You want us to what now?”

Kibum looked up from the contents of his bag and over his bed to where Minho was organizing his books. Static clung to his hair, and it was sticking out in an odd sort of halo around his head.

“Do you need me to explain it again?” he asked when Minho met his gaze. He let out a long sigh, eventually nodding. “Okay.” Kibum dropped the pair of socks he just rolled into his trunk and leaned forward. “Your parents are planning on taking you and your brother to London at some point during Christmas break, correct?”

Minho squinted and then nodded again.

Kibum scooted forward a little more, grabbing the discarded letter he got from Mom that morning at breakfast. “Mom and Grandma are planning on being in London from the 22nd all the way up to Christmas Eve -- well, we go back to Nottingham that day, but we’ll still be there, anyways you get it.” Minho chuckled and glanced up. His static in his hair must have crackled, because he smoothed it down.

“All I’m saying is, you should try to be there then. Before Christmas, when I’m there! It won’t be perfect, but at least we’ll be able to see each other during the break.”

His mouth screwed up in a tight little frown as he rested his head on the side of the bed. “But how, though?”

Kibum let out an exasperated huff. “You’ve got to play the right angle, remember? They’re doing this because they missed your birthday, right? That’s your best bet.”

“Is that how you get what you want at home?”

“The only child always gets what they want.”

Minho rolled his eyes, snorting softly. “That explains...so much.” Kibum took one of the rolls of socks out of his trunk and tossed it at Minho’s head. it ricocheted off and landed on the floor. “Hey!”

Laughing, Kibum laid down and stretched across the floor to grab the socks. “I know it won’t be easy, buddy, but it’s worth a try.” Minho hummed his assent as he went back to sorting Kibum’s books. After a moment, Kibum stopped folding his clothes and watched Minho’s expression scrunch in what he assumed was concentration. “Unless...you don’t want to?”

He frowned, blinked, then looked up at Kibum. “No, I do! Don’t get me wrong -- “

“Then, what is it?”

Minho’s gaze darted back to the books in front of him, the wrinkles in his furrowed brow deepening. “Um...well...I don’t think my parents...uh...I -- “

“You don’t think they like me?” Minho’s shoulders slumped and his expression turned nearly despondent. “Min,” he said, his voice quiet in the silence. He waited for Minho to look back his way before he continued. “It’s okay, really. I didn’t get the impression that they did, anyways. But, I wouldn’t be coming to see them, you know?”

Minho nodded reluctantly. “I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, that’s all.”

He still hadn’t -- and never would -- mention to Minho what he had overheard his parents saying last summer, nor did he mention the following conversation he had with Minseok. Kibum couldn’t give even half of a fuck about what Minho’s parents thought about him, because the feeling was more than likely mutual. If their plan did work out and they were able to spend some time together in London, any uneasy or sour look from Minho’s parents would be worth whatever time he got to spend with his best friend.

He uncrossed his legs with a quiet groan and went over to sit beside Minho, wrapping his arm around his waist. “I won’t, I promise.” Minho leaned into him when Kibum rubbed his side. “Thanks for arranging those, by the way,” he said, pointing at his neatly lined-up books. “It’ll be nice to come back to.”

Minho pushed the spine of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi back in line with the others. “They’re in order of your class schedule because I thought that might be a bit easier.”

“It will be.” He glanced at Kibum, the corners of his eyes crinkling up when he gave him a small smile. “Do you still have to pack?”

“Uh, no. I forgot my backpack on my bed.”

Kibum looked up to where Aaron kept his alarm clock, only to find it facing the other direction. “When are we supposed to be ready to go?” he asked as he left Minho’s side, walking around the bed to Aaron’s nightstand.

“Noon, I think.”

The clock read 11:42 AM. “You should hurry.”

Minho jumped to his feet, rubbing his knees with the slightest wince. “You’re not taking much, right? Or do you need my help carrying shit?”

“I’ll be fine.” Nodding, Minho hurried for the door. “Meet you by the stairs!” he called out after he slipped through the door, waiting for the distant okay.

When it came, Kibum straightened his comforter and took the rest of his polaroids off the top of his bunk and set them on his newly folded clothes. He grabbed the navy sweater Grandma had made him last year, tugging it over his head before he closed and locked his trunk. Kibum twisted the sweater around when he realized he had put it on backwards before he slipped his arms into the sleeves.

“Oh, right!” He went around to the side of his bed and dropped to his knees, digging around behind his books for his camera and its case. He hooked it around his neck before he stood and brushed the dust off of his knees.

He didn’t have anything he was too worried about leaving here for the two weeks that they’d be out of Hogwarts. None of his other roommates were staying over the break, so no one would be coming into his room. Kibum scanned the room once again, making sure everything was in its place before he extinguished the lanterns posted around the room and closed the door behind him.

Once the bricks had fallen into place behind him, all was quiet in the basement hallway, except for the ever-present dripping and the thudding sounds of presumedly Minho’s running footsteps. Kibum picked up his pace and was only a few steps short of meeting him at the doorway. Minho met him with a grin before he took off running up the stairs.

Both were breathless by the time they reached the front doors of the castle, and they mingled with the crowd, raising their hands when Flitwick -- O’Neely was already gone for break, as his wife had just given birth their first baby -- called out their names for roll call. Once the professors were sure that everyone who was supposed to be there actually was, everyone one was ushered into the horseless carriages and sent on their way to the train station.

A fresh layer of snow covered the Hogsmeade in a pillowy blanket. The light from the candles in the windows and the lush wreaths and the lanterns set the village aglow. Carolers stood outside of the post office, singing cheery Christmas songs as the students rushed past on their way to the Hogwarts Express.

Even though the air was frigid and numbed Kibum’s face and ears, he still felt warm walking through Hogsmeade. The bustle of the students and the cheery holiday atmosphere really made the town feel...alive. There was a vendor calling out, advertising some sort of popcorn. Kibum dug through his pockets, ripping off one of the gloves Minho had lent him midway through the carriage ride to grab the Sickles he had inside.

Slipping behind Minho, he went to the vendor and bought a bag that the vendor pulled straight from the kettle and handed to Kibum. “What kind is it?”

Huh...Kibum stuck out his tongue and picked up a couple of pieces from off the top. “It’s sweet,” he said, chewing as Minho reached around to grab a small handful for himself. “It’s good.”

“Mmhm.”

By the time they reached their usual car, they found an empty room that they could have all to themselves. Kibum sprawled out on one of the benches, and Minho took the popcorn out of his hands before he sat back against the wall on the same bench.

“Ready?”

“For what?” he started to ask, only to sputter when a couple pieces of popcorn hit his face. “Obviously not!” Minho laughed and tossed another. Kibum picked it up off his chest and popped it into his mouth before turned around. “Gimme a second!” He situated himself back onto the bench, holding his mouth open.

No popcorn came.

“Choi, I’m re -- “

A kernel bounced off his nose and onto the floor as the train started. “Hold on,” Minho said, his mouth suspiciously full. “My aim is getting better!”

“Sure,” Kibum said flatly, flinching when several kernels assaulted him at once. “Don’t waste popcorn!”

He stared up at the ceiling when Minho rummaged around in the popcorn bag, glancing through the far window when the scenery changed in his peripheral vision. They had left Hogsmeade now, judging by the snow-covered Scottish moors they were passing.

They’d be home soon.

“Ready?” Kibum opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out as far as he could and catching the kernel that Minho tossed to him.

* - * - *

Smoke from the train engine billowed past their car window when the Hogwarts Express came to a stop at the platform. Minho glanced out the window when Kibum sat up, scanning the families for his own, even though he knew there was no chance they were there.

Popcorn spilled off of Kibum and onto the bench and floor when he got up off the bench and walked over to the door. Minho scooted forward, scooping the popcorn off the bench and dumping it in the empty bag before he moved to the floor.

“It’s so strange to be back so early.”

“It is,” Minho said, wiping his hand off on his jeans before he joined Kibum at the window. He adjusted his backpack, and he forgot for a moment if he had remembered to put the ticket his mom sent him yesterday into his backpack. “Fuck...” Kibum frowned, glancing his way. Minho turned around and shook his backpack. “Can you check the front pocket for my ticket?”

As Kibum unzipped it, Minho thought back to how he had left his room. He could almost see the ticket on the nightstand, right where he was sure he had left it, but then Kibum stopped digging. “Found it!” Minho turned around to find him flipping through the envelope. “How many pounds is she expecting you to pay for food? You don’t eat that much.”

Minho snatched the envelope from him with a laugh. “It’s just in case.” Apparently, there had been some flooding last year when Minseok went on a one-day class trip and their parents didn’t send him with any extra cash for food. Minho stuffed the envelope into his coat pocket and opened the door for Kibum to leave the room first.

Out of habit, they both headed to the back of the train once they reached the platform, where the luggage was being placed for pick up despite the fact that neither of them had any luggage for themselves. They meandered through the crowd, Minho leading the way to the exit while Kibum latched onto his backpack.

“You or me?”

“What?”

Minho pointed at the brick wall. “Wanna go first?”

“You go,” Kibum said as he gave him a shove toward the wall. “Just wait for me.” Nodding, Minho took a couple steps back before he launched forward, jogging directly into the brick wall.

It was always an odd feeling, coming and going from Platform 9 3/4. Everything in his mind told him to prepare for impact and pain as he ran toward the very solid brick wall. But, when he ran into it, he would always feel nothing at all, except for the slight tingle of lingering magic. It sort of...tickled, for lack of a better word. It was almost like he was running through a dense mist.

Minho wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to it.

Once free of the magic wall, he skidded to a stop, so not to alert the Muggles. He almost ran into a couple walking past the entrance, and the man’s response was quite gruff, judging by his tone -- try as he might, Minho couldn’t understand his accent. Minho bowed to him once he passed, mumbling his apology.

He didn’t have to wait long for Kibum to join him, but he wasn’t expecting him to run directly into him. They almost toppled over, but Minho maintained his balance for the both of them...barely.

“Let me see your ticket again,” Kibum said. Minho held it out for both of them to read, which led them both to a reader board to find the right terminal. He only had fifteen minutes to make his train and he didn’t know his way around King’s Cross, other than getting too and from Platform 9 3/4. Panic was starting to set in.

Eventually, Kibum snatched Minho’s ticket out of his hand and ran over to one of the workers, asking her where they needed to go. She led them to the right platform, smiling when Minho and Kibum thanked her.

“I guess this is it.” Minho glanced at the fast-approaching train and nodded. “Hey,” he looked back at Kibum, “if it doesn’t work out that we can see each other in London, don’t feel bad, okay?”

Minho sighed. “Okay. See you soon,” he said, pulling Kibum into a quick hug as the train came to a stop before them. He started for the train, stepping inside quickly and looking back at Kibum. “Have a safe trip home!”

“You too! If I don’t see you, Merry Christmas!” Kibum waved as the doors closed.

“Merry Christmas!” Minho called back, but his voice bounced back to him as the doors sealed. Instead, he just waved and watched Kibum until the train started to pull away and he turned to leave the platform.

“Minho?” a familiar voice asked. He turned to find Aaron, Kibum’s roommate, sitting a couple paces behind him. “I thought that was you!” He joined him, and they soon fell easily into conversation, mostly about football. The time passed quickly, and when the train stopped in Macclesfield, Aaron got off, wishing Minho a very Merry Christmas, which, of course, Minho returned.

He sat back in his seat, watching the clouds move with the train. In the distance, he watched as rain started to fall from a patch of clouds, the gray underbelly streaking through the sky. His head lolled to the side as he started to doze off, and not even the cool window could wake him up. The stress and excitement from leaving the castle to go home was starting to catch up to him.

Honestly, Minho didn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have, since one of the conductors came by, shaking his shoulder slightly and asking him if Piccadilly was his stop. He blearily fumbled for his ticket before he remembered that yes, this is where he got off. He stumbled off the train, following the crowd out to the lobby.

It was more packed than usual -- on account of the holiday, he figured -- so Minho was trying to be understanding when people bumped into him as they blew past on their hurry to see their families. When someone grabbed him by his backpack, however, he froze, unsure of whether he needed to run or yell for help. The urge to yell grew when whoever it was threw their arms around him and pulled him out of the crowd.

“Hey, dumbass!”

“What the fuck!” Minho whirled around at the sound of Minseok’s voice, punching him in the arm with a high-pitched laugh. “I was so scared for a second!”

His brother’s opened in mock shock. “Language, Min...oh,” he looked across the lobby, and Minho followed his gaze. “Better get it all out now, here comes Dad.”

Minho stood a little straighter, smoothing the wrinkles in his sweater, and smiled up at his dad as he approached. Dad, once he reached them, hooked his arm over Minho’s shoulder and pulled him into a sort-of hug as he started leading them back to the door. “Let’s hurry, Mom is waiting in the car.” Minseok jogged ahead of them, and Minho could feel Dad’s eyes on him as his hand squeezed his shoulder a little tighter. “How was your trip?”

“Good.”

“Good.” He dropped his arm, letting Minho go through the door first. A blast of cold air hit him as soon as he stepped outside, and he would have stood still for a second if Dad hadn’t pushed him along to wear the car was idling by the sidewalk. He followed went around to the passenger side of the car to get in the back seat there.

“Welcome home, Minho,” Mom said as he buckled his seat belt. She was smiling at him through the rearview mirror. “How was your trip?”

“Long,” he said with a big yawn.

“I bet.” She glanced at Dad when he changed gears and started driving. “Well, we’re glad your home.” Minho sniffed, rubbing the sleep from his eye as he sat back in his seat and watched the cars drive by. He had forgotten how much of a shock coming home was to his system, with the myriad stark differences between Hogwarts and here.

His brow furrowed when Dad took a wrong turn to go home, and he sat forward in his seat when he took another. “Where are we going?”

“To get your birthday present.”

“Minseok!”

“What? Is he gonna guess what it is from that? It’s still a surprise.”

Mom glared at him and they started to argue, but Minho stopped listening, staring instead out the window as curiosity and excitement coursed through his mind. What could it be? They had given him no clues in previous letters that he had picked up on. His eyes widened when Dad pulled into the Millstream Animal Shelter parking lot.

“Really?”

“We’ve already got all the supplies we need for a cat, so now the choice is yours,” Mom said, smiling at Minho when he met her gaze.

He unbuckled himself and jumped outside, getting to the doorway before the rest of his family. Minseok was close behind him, following him to the cat cages.

There were too many to even think about choosing from, especially with how indecisive Minho usually was. They were all so cute, and equally deserving of homes...Minseok taking some out their cages for him to hold did not help with the decision-making process at all. Minho was about ready to give up and let Minseok pick when one of the cats snagged his sweater with its claws, stopping him in his tracks.

It -- no, she, according to her chart -- had tortoiseshell fur coloring, wide and bright green eyes, and it looked as though she had gotten part of one of her ears torn off, judging by the jagged scar. She meowed at him as he unhooked her claws from his sweater and went up on his tiptoes to unlock the cage. Once open, he held out his hand to her, letting her sniff him before she pushed his head up into the palm of his hand.

“I think we found her...” Minho said as he picked her up out of the cage and held her close to his chest as she looked around the hall. She instantly started purring.

“I’ll go get the carrier from the car.”

Minho nodded, and she chirruped at Minseok before he disappeared around the corner. “You ready to go home...Hayley?” he asked, checking her chart at the front of the cage. “Well, that won’t work.” But, what to name her, though. He frowned, sighing. If only Kibum were here...he was really good at coming up with ideas on the spot.

Mom, soon followed by Dad, came around the corner to see the cat for themselves. She cooed over her and Dad suggested that they put the cat back in her cage until they got the papers finalized.

It was quite the process, signing the paperwork and paying for the cat. When the time came, Minho still wasn’t sure what he wanted to name her, and the volunteer behind the counter reassured him that it was all right. Minseok handed the carrier over to her and she soon returned with Hayley, who looked curious and slightly terrified at her new environment.

Minho tapped the rungs of the carrier, capturing her attention while Dad finished paying for her. He stepped up on his tiptoes to lift the carrier and carried her back to the car, slipping inside after Minseok opened his door for him.

He curled his finger inside the carrier, and Hayley sniffed him. Her cold nose tapped his skin a couple of times before she laid down, her chin resting on the curve of his finger.

“Are you happy, Minho?” He looked up at Mom before he made eye contact with Dad in the mirror. He nodded with a smile that Mom quickly returned. “So, how’s your school year been so far?”

He kept his stories short and as magic-free as possible -- he could save the fun ones for Minseok later -- and before they were home, he had run out of things to say and was listening as they caught him up on their time without him. Apparently, Minseok was captain of the football team at school? And the top of his class? Not all that surprising, but Minho sort of zoned out as his parents went on about his brother’s accomplishments.

“When, uh,” he paused, looking outside once they pulled into their driveway. “When are we going to London?”

“Sooner rather than later, probably,” Dad said, taking the keys out of the ignition.

“Before Christmas?” When Dad nodded, Minho ducked his head to hide his smile and grabbed Hayley’s carrier. She meowed and let out a low growl as Minho walked her inside.

“Let her explore the bathroom for a while!” Mom called after him as he walked slowly up the stairs. He closed the bathroom door behind him and gently set the carrier down before he flicked open the door.

Hayley just stared at him, her eyes wide and unblinking, while he clicked his tongue and scratched his hand back and forth on the floor, trying to beckon her to come out. She looked like she was about to come out, but then Minseok pounded on the door. “You left your backpack in the car, I’m tossing it on your bed.”

“Okay!”

She was crouching in the back of the carrier now, still watching Minho. He sat back against the door, waiting to see if she would come out on her own. Eventually, she crept out only to hide behind the toilet.

“Minho?”

He looked up at the sound of Mom’s voice and opened the door. “Yeah?”

“Come down, I need to cut your hair!”

He sat up on his knees, inspecting his hair in the mirror. Yeah, it was a little long. He hadn’t gotten it cut since before he left for Hogwarts. Groaning, he stood and cracked open the door, peeking over at the toilet for a glimpse of Hayley before he started downstairs, closing the door behind him.

When he sat down at the kitchen table, Mom carded her fingers through his hair before she turned on the clippers. Minho stared through the arch to where Dad and Minseok were lounging in the living room -- Dad with some old movie on in the background while he focused on his puzzle and Minseok draped across the couch, playing on his handheld Nintendo.

While it was a little surreal to be home, it was nice to know that nothing had changed while he was gone.

After the mess from his haircut was cleaned and dinner was had, Minho went straight to bed, since he was still tired from his traveling. Almost as soon as he drifted off, there came a tapping from the window. He tried to ignore it, at first, but it became so incessant that he sat up and glared.

There was an owl...with a letter in its talons.

He hopped out of bed and cracked open the window, slipping the rolled up paper out of the owl’s hold and going back over to his bed to flip on his light.

Minho,

Made it home safe. I hope you did as well? I made a comment about ice skating and Mom thought it would be fun to do so she looked up the closest rink to our hotel and said it’s the Tower of London rink, so that’s where we’ll be, just in case it works out.

See you soon...ish,

Kibum

Minho glanced up to see if the owl was still there, but it had flown away. Sighing, he tucked Kibum’s letter under his pillow and laid back down. He was relieved to hear that Kibum was home, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to steer his parents towards a particular rink. It was worth a try, though, to be able to hang out with Kibum for a little while.

He pulled his blankets over his shoulder and snuggled into the warmth, hoping that the next few days would pass by quickly.

Luckily, they did.

Hayley, who Minho had officially named Ember because her fur looked like the coals at the bottom of the common room’s fireplace, had taken to exploring the house. It took her a little while to get used to the collar around her neck, but it was nice to have the tiny jingle announcing her presence. Her favorite place in the house seemed to be at the top of the hearth of the fireplace right in front of the TV. No matter how many times they moved her so they could see the screen, she always went right back to it.

She seemed happy, though, which was all that mattered to Minho.

Dad even took Minho along with him to practice, which was a complete surprise...especially when Minseok didn’t end up tagging along. He tried to be quiet and sit on the bench to watch the scrimmage, like Dad told him to, but then Park Jisung asked Minho to pass him his water bottle. It took him a little while to get over his shock, but then he couldn’t stop talking to him. Luckily, Jisung didn’t seem to mind. He even gave Minho some tips on dribbling and passing, until Dad snapped at both of them.

Jisung ruffled Minho’s short-cropped hair with a smile before he ran back onto the field, and Minho sat back on the bench in a daze. His poster of Jisung was already on the wall in his room, but now he sort of wanted to get it framed.

The morning of the 23rd came, and soon their backpacks -- and Mom’s purse -- were packed and they were on their way to London for the day.

“You seem really excited about this.” Mom said once they stepped outside of King’s Cross Station.

Minho smiled, looking up at the buildings and the ever-gray sky. “I just haven’t been here since we first moved. You know, like, actually in London...for London.”

“I guess that’s true.”

Minseok insisted on showing them all the touristy things he did on the school trip he took several months ago, including taking them to see the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace. Minho found himself wishing he had Kibum’s polaroid with him.

As the sky was starting to darken, they were all starting to get hungry, but they couldn’t agree on where to stop for dinner. Minho perked up when they passed by the Tower of London, scanning everywhere for the ice rink. When he spotted it, he got Mom’s attention. “Look, there’s a rink.”

Her eyebrows rose before she looked over at Dad. “See that rink?” He nodded. “We should find something close by and then come back here to skate.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said without looking up from his map. “Is that the one you went to, Minseok?”

“No, but skating is skating, so...” he gasped, and everyone looked up. “Can we go to Wagamama’s?” Minho’s eyes widened and his mouth already started watering at the thought of having the ginger chicken udon again.

Before Dad could even answer yes, Mom was already steering the boys toward the restaurant. It wasn’t like Dad was going to say no, since this was one of their favorite chain restaurants in England. Minho hadn’t been since the summer between his first and second years at Hogwarts, but he’d be lying if he didn’t dream about the food sometimes.

Everyone ate slowly, savoring each and every bite. They left Wagamama’s almost at 8 o’clock, and Minho hoped that Kibum and his family were still at the rink.

He tried not to hurry, not only because he was full but also because he didn’t want to seem too eager. But, once he reached the cobblestone walkway, he couldn’t help but stand up on his tiptoes to see over the crowd. “What are you looking for?”

Minho started to sink down, opening his mouth to answer his mom when he spotted Kibum. He was huddling between his mom and Grandma and scanning the crowd for himself. Minho cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hey!”

Kibum swung around, quickly finding Minho. Even from this distance, Minho could see his dimpled grin. Both of them darted away from their families, meeting each other in the middle. Kibum shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat, his smile broadening. “You came!”

* - * - *

“Kibum?”

His eyes fluttered open when Stan Shunpike shook his shoulder, and he squinted as he sat up from the bed, bracing himself when it slid back as the Knight Bus came to a stop. He sniffed, looking out the window.

“This is your stop.”

He huffed, glaring blearily at Stan for waking him up, and grabbed his polaroid from the hook on the headboard. “Thanks,” he mumbled as he passed him on his way out the door. “Thanks, Ern. Bye, Dre,” he said, and the chatter of the severed head followed him until the door closed and the Knight Bus zoomed away.

Smoke puffed out of the chimney of Grandma’s house, the gray wisps blending in with the sky. Kibum hooked his polaroid over his head and jogged across the street to the front door. Mom’s car wasn’t there, so it was possible that she and Grandma were out, or that Mom was on an errand. He stamped the slush of melting snow off his feet and knocked on the door.

No response.

Sighing, Kibum stepped off the porch and ran around back to the fence. It was also locked, but he latched onto the top of the fence and climbed up, jumping safely down to the other side. The back door? Always unlocked. He kicked off his shoes and shed his sweater, dropping it on the kitchen table when he passed by.

“Mom? Grandma?”

He followed the sound of the crackling fire to find Grandma asleep on the couch, a bundle of burgundy yarn and the beginnings of a sweater in her lap. Kibum placed a kiss on her cheek with a smile before he tiptoed back into the kitchen, making himself a sandwich as quietly as possible.

Once it was plated, Kibum sifted through the mail on the counter, pulling out the letter to himself from Jonghyun. He started to tear open the envelope as he crept back to his room, but he didn’t start to read it until he was situated on his bed.

Ki,

So, I’ll be back by Christmas Eve...Dad wants us to spend Christmas together as a family, as if it doesn’t matter that they’re divorced and will probably be fighting the entire fucking time.

I know you’re not here and can’t see me writing this, but just know that I am currently rolling my eyes.

Anyways, please please please can we hang out a little? I know it can’t be the whole time because we’ll both be with our family, but please? (I know you’re not gonna object but, please?)

Your favorite and most annoying friend who happens to live in France because his father hates friendship, stability, and his own personal happiness,

Jjong

Kibum chuckled as he folded up the letter and dropped it on his nightstand. He did feel bad for Jonghyun, with his parents being separated an all, but he was glad and relieved that he would be able to spend time with him this Christmas. And, Kibum knew, even though he was being slightly over-dramatic in his letter, that Jonghyun was going to be happy to see him, too.

The front door creaked open, and Kibum sat up, brushing the crumbs from his sandwich off his lips, and hurried downstairs. “Mom? Is that you?”

She popped her head around the wall of the living room before coming around to meet him halfway. “You’re home already?” she asked as she pulled him into a tight hug. “The door was locked, how’d you get in.”

“Backdoor,” he said, his voice slightly muffled.

She kissed the top of his head twice before she pulled away. “Let me look at you,” she said, cupping his face in her very cold hands.

“Mooom...”

“Shh.” She searched his face, her smile growing fond. “You’re getting so big, I can’t believe how grown up you are!” Kibum just huffed when he felt his face start to color, and she patted his cheeks before she dropped her hands. “How’s school been?”

“Good, so far. I think I’m doing okay with my classes.” He followed her into the kitchen, where she put the kettle on.

“Now, be honest,” Kibum’s eyebrows arched, “you’re not distracted by any of the girls yet, are you?” His brow furrowed. Girls? Why would he be distracted by them? He shook his head when Mom looked up from preparing her tea bag. “Good. You can save your crushes for when you’re older. Do you want something hot to drink?”

“Uh,” he blinked, glancing behind her at the mugs in the cupboard. “Cocoa.”

“Mm, that sounds good.” She finished tying up the tea bag and turned, grabbing three mugs, dropping the tea bag in one before she moved over to the icebox.

“Is the tea for Grandma?”

“Yes, a special blend made by Mrs. Prue.”

“Ahh.” He tapped his fingers on the counter as Mom started heating milk on the stove, his thoughts wandering back to Hogwarts and the many nights that he waited for Minho to finish making their hot cocoa before they went upstairs to go study. “So...what are we doing in London?”

“Well,” she stopped stirring the milk for a moment, glancing back at Kibum. “Grandma has got some errands to run while we’re there, and I thought I would take you Christmas shopping in the Alley while she’s busy. Why, do you have some ideas?”

He stopped tapping his fingers. “There...well...M...” he started tapping his fingers against when she looked back at him. “Minho said that his family might go, and it reminded me of when we went in New York.”

“We...didn’t?”

“No, me and Mrs. Fuller...you and Dad...” his voice trailed off.

“Oh, that’s right.”

An awkward silence settled between them, amplified by the plopping of the chocolate in the heated milk. Besides the few days following the funeral, Mom never really talked about Dad. Grandma did, whether Kibum wanted to reminisce or just, talk about how much he missed him, Grandma was always willing to listen. With the exception of this past year, she was always too preoccupied with work.

He frowned, his gaze darting to the back of her head. Why had she been home? It was so out of character for her to take the year off...Kibum was about to ask her, but then they both heard Grandma stir in the other room, and they turned their attention to her.

“Oh! Kibum! When did you get home?” she asked, the knitting in her lap disappearing in a flash as Kibum got down from his stool and rushed over to hug her.

“About an hour ago.”

“I’m so happy to see you, darling. I missed you.”

Kibum smiled, squeezing her tighter. “Missed you, too.”

“So, what are we talking about?”

Mom cleared her throat and took the pot off of the stove and poured the cocoa into the mugs. “Kibum mentioned something about wanting to go ice skating.” She extended her finger over Kibum’s mug and twirled it, whipped cream appearing in a perfect spiral over the surface. “I remember seeing one close to our hotel on the map, so we could go one of the nights we’re there.” She sprinkled cinnamon over the whipped cream out of thin air before she passed it to him.

“Oh, that does sound fun. I haven’t been in years.”

“Do you remember what the rink was called?”

Mom gave him a funny look as she took a sip of her hot cocoa. “I don’t remember exactly. It’s close to the Tower of London, though...why?”

Kibum shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. “Just curious.”

Grandma discarded her tea bag and stirred some honey into her tea before she headed back out to the living room. Mom soon followed her, and Kibum wiped the whipped cream off of the tip of his nose, smiling when he remembered his and Minho’s first trip to Hogsmeade. Oh, maybe he should let Minho know which rink they were planning on going to...

He drank is cocoa as quickly as he could before he hurried back upstairs, getting stationary out of Mom’s desk.

Dear Minho,

“Uh...that feels weird...”

Kibum crumpled up the paper and tossed it into the waste bin before he dipped the quill and started writing again. Once he finished and the ink was dried, he rolled it up and almost called out for Nutmeg, only to remember that he was still at Hogwarts. Athena, Mom’s owl, was watching him from her perch.

“Mom!” It took a couple of seconds before he heard her yell back yeah? “Can I use Athena to send a letter?” Athena’s head twitched to the side and she fluttered her wings.

“Go ahead!”

Kibum looked back at Athena, holding out the letter. “Can you take this to Choi Minho? He lives in the second bedroom on the right at 10 Prism Lane in Manchester.” Athena just blinked at him before she snatched the letter out of his hand. He hopped out of his seat, opening the window for her to fly through. Sighing, he leaned against the sill as he watched her go.

Hopefully, she’d be able to find Minho.

He bounded down the stairs and flopped on the couch beside Grandma, grinning when she chuckled. “Who’d you send a letter to?”

“Minho! Just wanted to let him know I made it home okay.”

Grandma glanced over at Mom before she asked, “Enjoying school so far this year?”

“Yeah! It’s great! Minho and I have been having a lot of fun...” He started telling them about everything that had happened -- that he could remember -- since he saw them last. Eventually, they moved into the kitchen, and he helped them set the table for dinner as he continued to fill them in.

“And did I tell you that Minho won finally won a Quidditch game?” he asked as he took a spoonful of juice out of the kimchi and stirred it into his seolleongtang.

“Several times, sweetheart.” Kibum lowered his eyes to his soup when he felt his face heat up. “Now, finish your dinner before it gets cold.”

Slowly, but surely, the house started to look more and more ready for Christmas. Mom took Kibum with her the next morning to pick out a Christmas tree, and once it was set up, he and Grandma made popcorn garlands while Mom strung lights. Gold tinsel and carved wooden ornaments adorned the branches, and the whole house smelled of pine, cinnamon, and freshly baked pumpkin pasties.

It was nice to be home.

When it came time for them to leave for London, Kibum found out that Mrs. Prue was coming with them. Apparently, she was helping Grandma with her errands? Whatever, Kibum just wished she blended a tad more easily in with Muggles. The olive green robes with magenta and violet flowers embroidered on them could possibly blend in with the crowd, but the pointed velvet cap ringed with moss and herbs almost certainly ensured that they would stand out in London.

She offered Kibum a lint-covered caramel once they were seated on the Knight Bus. He declined, hoping he hid his grimace, and she went back to chatting with Mom and Grandma. They seemed to like her, and that’s all that really mattered.

They all got off of the Knight Bus at the Leaky Cauldron, stopping in for lunch, to which Mrs. Prue treated them all to game pie. Once they finished, they split up, Mrs. Prue taking Grandma to her apothecary to check something before they went on to taking care of Grandma’s errands. Kibum followed Mom, and their first stop was to Gringotts, where Mom took out a whole ten Galleons for him to buy Christmas presents with.

He was so excited -- that was the most money he had ever had at one time -- but when they started going into the shops, his excitement started to wane when he saw how expensive everything was. He found the perfect thing for Jonghyun at Praedico Predico -- a good luck charm made from a stone found on the moon -- but it cost four Galleons, and he still had to buy something for Minho, Grandma, and Mom...

Sadly, he put it back on its hook, and Mom thanked the owner as they went back outside into the cold.

Mom suggested a scarf for Grandma, and they found one for only two Galleons at Twitfit and Tattings. It was really pretty, a nice combination of white, blues, and black. Kibum bought it and they wrapped it nicely when Mom mentioned it was going to be a Christmas present.

They went to Flourish and Blotts at Mom’s suggestion, and Kibum just followed her, keeping an eye on the books that caught her interest. The based-on-a-true-story fictional series Behind, Beyond, and Beginnings by L.P. Lovegood seemed to pique her interest, but the entire set cost twenty Galleons. He took the first book -- Lost and Found -- off the shelf, and read the back. Apparently, it depicted the life of Grey Lady, Ravenclaw’s ghost? He glanced at the back of all the books, finding that they were all about the ghosts at Hogwarts.

Kibum put it back on the shelf after he saw that it was only three Galleons. He’d have to come back later with Grandma and buy it then.

So, that would take away five Galleons, leaving five for Minho and Jonghyun...

Mom took him to Twinkle’s Telescopes when they were brainstorming about gift ideas for Minho. He mentioned that Minho liked to look at the stars, and this did seem like the right place to go, what with all the telescopes and star charts, but it was all way too expensive. That is, until they were on their way out, and Minho caught a glimpse of a rack of necklaces for one Galleon. He went over, finding that the pendants were constellations. Kibum turned the rack slowly, scanning every necklace.

Wait, was that?...Perfect.

“Boötes?” Mom asked as Kibum hurried to the register and fished out one of his Galleons.

“It’s his favorite.” Her brow furrowed and Kibum laughed as he took the bag from the owner. “I don’t know why, but it is. Can we go back to Praedico Predico now?” he asked as they stepped back outside.

He did end up buying the charm for Jonghyun, and luckily it came with a chain so he could wear it around his neck. They spotted Grandma and Mrs. Prue as they left the shop, and they decided that they were worn out enough to head back to the hotel for the night.

When they walked past the Tower of London, Kibum slowed down, scanning every passerby to see if they were Minho or any of the Chois. He sighed when they reached the end of the pavilion. Athena had returned empty-handed, but Kibum wasn’t sure if Minho had gotten his letter since he didn’t respond.

Kibum slept well that night, despite Mrs. Prue and Mom’s snoring, and left after breakfast with Grandma and Mrs. Prue -- as Mom had some calls to make for work or something -- to return to Diagon Alley. He told Grandma that he just had to buy Mom’s present, and he would be good to go.

Once they arrived, Grandma sent him off to get it while she accompanied Mrs. Prue back to her shop, and Kibum rejoined them once he bought Lost and Found. He helped them with bundling sage and thyme for potions and cleansing until Mrs. Prue answered the phone. It was Mom letting them know that she was done with work and ready to go out for the day, and that she’d meet them at the Eye.

They met her at the base of the London Eye, and she suggested that they go up, but Kibum balked when he saw how high the ferris wheel was. Instead, they ended up enjoying the festival by the river, enjoying their share of street food until they were full.

Eventually, Mom said that if they were going to go skating like Kibum wanted to, now was the time, as they would be leaving in the morning. So, they made their way back toward the hotel, Kibum walking between them. When they reached the ice rink again, Kibum stopped, scanning the crowd for Minho again, his heart sinking when he didn’t see him.

“What are you waiting for, hon? Let’s g -- “

“Hey!” Kibum’s eyebrows shot up at the sound of Minho’s voice, and he whirled around to see him at the edge of the pavilion with his rather confused looking family.

“Be right back,” he said, running over to Minho when he saw him break away from his family. His first instinct was to hug him, but, being that both of their families were watching and he literally saw him a few days ago, Kibum decided against. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pocket and grinned when he stopped in front of Minho. “You came!”

“Of course!” Even in the dim lighting of the street and shop lights, Minho’s eyes twinkled brightly. “Did you doubt me?”

Kibum just shook his head, glancing behind Minho when Minseok appeared, and his grin waning to a small smile when Mr. and Mrs. Choi followed him. “Hello again, Kibum.”

He bowed to them. “It’s nice to see you again.” He cleared his throat, glancing at Minho. “We, uh, were about to go ice skating, if you want to join us.”

Realization dawned on Minseok’s face as he glanced between Kibum and Minho, but he masked it with a smile. “That’s crazy! That’s where we’re heading, too!”

“Kibum?” He turned his head slightly when Mom placed her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t we want to...Oh, Minho, hello!” He bowed to her, and she pulled Kibum away slightly. “Let’s not bother them anymore, okay? Enjoy your evening,” she said to Mr. and Mrs. Choi before she and Kibum walked away.

“Did you plan this ahead of time?” Kibum’s gaze darted to the ground and she sighed.

“Kimee,” Grandma said, and both she and Kibum looked up at her. “Let him be. He just wanted to spend time with his friend, there’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

“Right.” Kibum let out a relieved sigh, his gaze following Minho and his family as they started to head towards the rink. “Come on, let’s go get us some ice skates.”

* - * - *

“Enjoy your evening,” Mrs. Kim said as she led Kibum away from Minho. He watched him go, dropping his gaze when Dad’s hand clapped on his shoulder.

“Did you plan this?”

Minho worried his bottom lip as he stared at the cobblestone. If his silence weren't an obvious enough response, his quiet yes was.

Dad took a deep breath, but Mom cut off whatever his reply was going to be by saying, “We’ll discuss this later.” Dad dropped his hand and Minseok offered him a sympathetic smile before he darted off toward the rink. “Go on with your brother, Minho.”

He slowly followed Minseok and he tried not to glance over at Kibum as he passed. How was he going to enjoy his time with Kibum, now that it was tainted with the possibility of getting in trouble? “Hey, Min!” He looked up at Minseok who was at the stand where the ice skates were being handed out. “What’s your size? I don’t remember.”

“Thirty-eight.”

“And a thirty-eight, please,” Minseok said to the employee in English. He passed Minho his skates by their laces and Minho went over to the nearest bench. Minseok plopped down beside him. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think what you did was wrong.” Minho clenched his jaw, lacing up his skates. He rubbed his back before he finished tying off his laces. “If you need help out there, just ask me,” he said before he got up and carefully walked over to the nearest opening in the rink.

Minho sniffed and moved on to his other skate, starting when someone sat down beside him. He relaxed when he saw it was Kibum and smiled when he rubbed the side of his head. “You got your haircut!”

“Yeah, Mom did it almost as soon as I got home.” He tightened the laces on his ankles. “I know, it looks stupid.”

“No, it looks...fine.” Minho rolled his eyes, bumping their shoulders together. “So, how’s your break so far?” he asked as he kicked off his shoes and slipped his feet into his skates.

“Not bad. I got a cat.” Kibum slowly sat up, his eyes very wide when they met Minho’s gaze. “For my birthday!” Kibum blinked and Minho laughed. “Her name is Ember.” Kibum blinked again. “She’s really cute and I don’t know what else to say..?”

“Do you have a picture?”

“Mom might, on her phone.”

“Are you gonna take her back with you?”

Minho finished tying off his skates, his brow furrowing. “I don’t know? Probably not. I can’t really see my parents being okay with it.”

“Oh. Hey, don’t leave me!” Kibum said when Minho stood, his legs wobbling when Kibum grabbed his arm.

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to.” He walked across to the banister and braced himself on it as he turned to face Kibum who was just starting to tighten his laces. “What are you doing wasting time for? Hurry up and let’s go!”

“What the hell?” Kibum said, laughing. Both quieted when Minho’s parents walked between them, and Kibum’s gaze followed them as they made their way to the skate stand. “Is it just me, or does your dad seem more constipated than usual tonight?”

Minho snorted loudly at the unexpected comment and covered his mouth to hide his laugh when Mom looked their way. “Don’t say stuff like that, he might hear you.”

“So?”

“Just...” he glanced back at his parents and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Finish tying your fucking skates.”

Kibum grinned cheekily at him before he returned his attention to the laces. He held out his hands to Minho once he was done, and Minho helped him stand, both leaning on each other as they wobbled toward the opening in the banister. Minho quickly let go of Kibum and gripped the edge of the banister while Kibum glided slowly forward. He staggered as he turned around, his amusement with Minho quite clear.

“I just don’t have very good balance on -- “ he lifted up his skate a little and almost slipped backward, “ -- these things. Shut up,” he said, chuckling when Kibum started to laugh.

“But you’re so good at flying?”

“Does this fucking look like flying to you?”

“Maybe you’re the constipated one.” Kibum skated out of Minho’s reach, grinning as he turned back around. “Come here, I’ll help you.” He offered his hand to Minho, who hesitantly took it but didn’t let go of the banister. “Min, I’ve got you, don’t worry.”

He looked up at Kibum, who nodded behind him to the rink, and he sighed as he let go of the banister.

 - - -

“Graduation.”

Kimee frowned as she put down her hot cocoa. “What?” Mom nodded to the ice rink, and Kimee followed her gaze to where Kibum and Minho were skating -- if you could call it that. They were barely moving but their arms were linked. She couldn’t tell who was helping who, but, judging by their smiles, they were having fun.

“I think they’ll be dating by graduation.”

“Really?”

Mrs. Choi must have called them over, because Minho looked up and Kibum changed their direction to go towards her. It was a possibility. She’d be an idiot not to notice how Kibum talked about Minho -- “my Minho,” she heard him say on more than one occasion, but that didn’t mean anything, really.

Probably.

Mom cleared her throat and Kimee tore her gaze away from her son. “When it does happen -- “

“Not ‘if’?”

“Just listen. When it does happen, I hope you’ll be supportive of him. And Minho, of course.”

She took another sip of her cocoa, finding Kibum and Minho again on the ice. Bumji and she had had this discussion -- “What if one or more of our kids comes out as gay?” -- before they were even expecting Kibum. During their years at Hogwarts, they met several people who had varying degrees of acceptance from their parents. Some were merely tolerated while others ended up living at Hogwarts during their remaining summers and never hearing from their parents again.

Because of this, they agreed to love their children no matter what.

“Mom, that’s a given. Of course I will be.”

“Good.”

“Mom! Mom! You have to see Minho’s cat!” Kibum yelled as he and Minho skated toward them, a little faster than they were before, it seemed.

“Her name is -- oof -- Ember,” Minho said as he collided with the banister in front of them. He was holding out a thin pink flip phone and Kimee got up from her seat to look.

“Aww, she’s so cute. Look, Mom,” she took the phone and passed it back to her.

“Very adorable. She looks happy.”

“I hope she is.” Minho took back the phone from her and stuffed it into his pocket. “I should take this back to my mom.”

“I guess.”

Kibum started to skate after him, but Kimee held onto his arm. He looked back at her, a question in his eyes. “We should head back to the hotel soon, before Grandma gets too cold.”

“All right.” He glided back to Minho’s side, linking their arms again as he matched Minho’s slower pace.

“How much do you want to bet?”

“Hmm?”

“That they’ll be dating by graduation.”

Mom smiled, folding her hands together in her lap. “You’ll owe me twenty Galleons if I’m right.”

“Deal.” They watched them take a slow turn, Kibum catching Minho when he almost fell. “Who do you think will be the one to confess?”

“Kibum. Definitely.”

- - - 

“Woah, woah, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

Kibum patted his arm as Minho straightened back up, and they returned to gliding as smoothly as possible on the ice. “I wish I could stay longer, buddy, but Mom wants us to go back to the hotel soon. But this was fun, right?”

“Yeah.” He found his parents on the sidelines, both of them watching Minseok on the other side of the rink. “We’ll have to do this at Hogwarts sometime, if they have skates.”

“We could, but there are no banisters on the Black Lake,” Kibum said, his smile quite evident in his voice.

“True, but I’ve got you.” Kibum squeezed Minho’s arm tightly for a second. “Hey, um, thanks for having this idea. I’m glad we got to hang out a little during our break.”

“I have been known to have good ideas on some occasions.”

“Some. Definitely not all.”

“Why are you like this.”

Minho burst out laughing, leaning on the banister when they slid close enough to it so he wouldn’t make Kibum fall. He shoved Kibum away from him, his eyes widening when Kibum almost collided with another skater. Both called out their apologies, but the other skater didn’t seem to mind.

Kibum glanced across the rink, and Minho followed his gaze to see Grandma and Mrs. Kim making their way to the exit. “I should probably get going...” He turned, giving Minho one last smile, and skated away. Minho watched him go, waving when Kibum looked back before he stepped off the ice.

Sighing, Minho crept along the banister, walking on the ice more than skating. He almost slipped and fell when someone skated up to him and grabbed his arm.

Oh, it was only Minseok.

“Hold on,” he said before he pulled Minho away from the banister and started to skate backward. Minho latched onto his brother’s forearm, gulping as he started to take him around the rink. He was skating much faster than Kibum could, which made Minho grip his arm as tightly as he could when the shot around the bend.

He wasn’t quite sure why Minseok was laughing -- maybe it was his terrified expression or the fact that he was sort-of, not-really screaming. After two laps, Minseok slowed to a stop and Minho let go, leaning against the banister.

“That was...fun.”

“Yeah, maybe tell that to your face.”

As he was trying to come up with a wittier retort than “You’re stupid” or “Shut up,” Dad whistled and they both instantly looked over at their parents. Time to go. Mom waved and they started walking toward the exit, and Minho grabbed Minseok’s jacket before he could skate off without him.

The walk back to King’s Cross seemed to take forever, and Minho’s nose and ears were numb by the time they were safely inside. He huddled between Mom and Minseok as they waited for their train home, trying to warm up. Once they were on the train, he was soon fast asleep on Mom’s shoulder. She shook him awake by the time they reached Manchester, and he blearily watched the night pass them by as they pulled into Piccadilly Station.

The drive home was quiet, save for the on-going conversation between Mom and Dad, and Minho was almost asleep again by the time they reached the house. He staggered back inside, kicking off his shoes and handing his coat to Mom to hang up in the hall closet.

“Minho, come here for a moment,” Dad said before he turned to go into the living room.

He rubbed his eyes, looking up at his mom for any sort of clue, but she had picked up Ember and was baby-talking to her as she walked upstairs. Minseok patted Minho’s shoulder before he followed her up the stairs. Gulping, Minho started for the warm light seeping into the hallway from the living room.

Dad was sitting in his chair, and he kicked up his recliner as Minho walked in and took a seat on the far end of the couch. Uncomfortable silence settled between them, but Minho knew better than to speak first. When Dad looked down at his lap, Minho spared a quick glance at the clock above the mantle. 12:16...He stifled a sigh. Hopefully, this wouldn’t take too long.

“What I don’t understand is...” Minho pursed his lips and folded his hands tightly in his lap. “...you came home to spend time with us for Christmas, and yet you went behind our back and planned to meet up with that...with Kibum.” He averted his eyes and cracked his knuckles, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet house. “I don’t appreciate being lied to, Minho.”

It wasn’t lying, he didn’t think. It wasn’t even withholding truth. They...it was just...they weren’t even sure it would work out like they hoped. And besides, it was only, like, an hour of the winter break. It wasn’t as though Minho had snuck Kibum into the house and kept him there for days without telling Dad...

“Ever since you’ve started going to that school, I’ve noticed a change in you. You’re not the same boy that you were in Korea.” Yeah...finding out that you have magic really changes a person. Minho almost scoffed, but he managed to keep his face neutral. “I have half a mind to send you back -- “ his eyes widened then, and his breath hitched. He couldn’t leave, not when he was finally getting used to being a wizard. “ -- but I won’t. Not if your attitude improves.”

“What,” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “What can I do?”

“I think you need to limit the time you spend with Kibum.” Minho’s brow furrowed. “I know that will be difficult, but I think he is a bad influence on you and it would be best if you didn’t spend as much time with him. You must have other friends there you can study and have fun with, it doesn’t have to be him all the time.”

“He -- “ his voice almost died in his throat when Dad speared him with a glare. “He’s not a bad influence. He’s a good friend. My best friend.”

“I know you think that now, son, but -- “

“No. I know he’s the best friend I’ll ever have. He...he...if I didn’t have him at Hogwarts, I would be so lost. He’s helped me from the second he met me, Dad. If he was as bad as you seem to think, he would have just ignored me from the start. Why don’t you like him?”

“Minho...”

“No, I want to know, because I don’t un -- “

“Minho, that’s enough.” He clenched his jaw and tried to crack his knuckles again. “This outburst is not helping your case.” Minho closed his eyes as he sighed, forcing himself to calm down.

“Except for meals, you are to stay in your room for the rest of your break. You can use this time to think about ways to work on your attitude.” Minho stared at the floor, his hands tightening together in his lap. “Did you hear me?” He nodded. “Go on to bed, then,” he said, grabbing the remote and flicking on the TV as Minho stood.

He held his head high until he rounded the corner and slipped out of Dad’s line of sight. His shoulders fell, and the tears he had been willing away sprung to his eyes as he slowly went upstairs. Minho stopped in front of his room and pushed his door open, but glanced down the hall to Minseok’s room and the sliver of light peeking out at the base of the door. A glance downstairs told him Dad was still in the living room, so he crept down the hall and slipped into Minseok’s room without knocking.

Minseok looked up from his book and stuck his finger between the pages as he closed it. “Grounded?” Minho nodded. “That sucks.”

“You...” He worried his bottom lip and glanced down at the mess on Minseok’s floor. “You don’t think I’ve changed since we moved here, do you?”

“I do,” Minseok said after a moment. “But not in a bad way. I think...realizing who you are and accepting it has really helped you. Plus, every time I see you again, you’ve got a bit more confidence.”

“You think so?”

“Yup.” Minseok opened his book again, finding where he left off. “Now, get the fuck out of my room before you get into even more trouble.”

He closed the door as quietly as he could and hurried back to his room with a small smile.

* - * - *

Plink...plink plink.

Kibum rubbed his eyes as he woke up, frowning at the strange sound. There it was again, and he sat up, looking over at his window to see a pebble being thrown against it. He let out an exasperated sigh as he slid out of bed, taking his comforter with him, and opened the window to see Jonghyun across the way in his bedroom, his arm posed the throw again.

“Hi, Ki!” he said, beaming at him.

“How long have you been up?”

“All night! Gotta wait up to see Santa, of course.” He laughed heartily when Kibum glared at him. “But for real, I snuck downstairs to see what I got from my parents.”

“Anything good?”

He shrugged, tossing the rest of his pebbles to the ground as he leaned against the sill. “Guitar picks that can play by themselves, but I feel like that sort of defeats the purpose of playing the guitar.”

“Yeah...” Jonghyun brushed something off the window sill. “Your dad get it for you?” He nodded, sighing. “At least he’s trying, right?”

“I guess.” He glanced behind him, and Kibum’s gaze flicked behind him to Jonghyun’s closed bedroom door. Even from here, he could hear Mr. and Mrs. Kim yelling at each other. “When can I come over?”

“Probably not until after lunch. If Sodam wants to come over, too, that’s totally fine.”

“I’ll let her know.” Jonghyun flinched when his parents got louder, but he smiled when he caught Kibum watching him. “See you later, Ki,” he said before he slid his window closed.

Kibum wrapped his blanket tightly around himself before he grabbed his presents for Mom and Grandma and hurried downstairs. He smiled at Mom when he passed by the kitchen to go into the living room, arranging the presents beneath the tree.

“I’m gonna go see if Grandma is awake,” Mom said from the kitchen, taking two steaming mugs of something -- coffee, by the smell of it -- with her to Grandma’s room.

Leaning into the couch, he watched Mom until the door closed behind her and discarded his comforter as he bounded into the kitchen. He slid to a stop in front of the stove, his gaze trained on the percolator. There was still a bit of coffee in there...enough for a taste.

Whenever he wanted to taste Mom’s or Dad’s fancy coffee, they’d always tell him “No. Not until you’re older.” Fourteen was more than old enough, right?

Probably.

Definitely.

He glanced behind him, breathing a sigh of relief when the door was still closed, and got a mug from the shelf in the cupboard. “Just a splash,” he told himself, barely tipping the percolator and letting a bit of the coffee pour out. He swirled the coffee around in his mug before he downed it.

Oh.

It tasted like...like burnt dirt and sadness. He spit it back into the mug, fighting the urge to scrape the taste off his tongue. He looked back at Grandma’s closed bedroom door before he opened the icebox and drank pumpkin juice straight from the bottle. Why do adults put themselves through that torture? Kibum shuddered when he thought about the taste again, and washed the memory down with another swig of juice.

“Okay,” he started at the sound of Grandma’s voice, rushing to put the juice back before either of them saw. “Ready for presents?”

“Yeah!” he said, burping under his breath. As he closed the icebox door, Kibum focused on the cluster of pictures he took last Christmas in the Hufflepuff dormitory.

What if he told them the truth today?

The thought curdled his stomach, and he averted his eyes from the icebox. If the perfect opportunity arose, sometime today, then he absolutely would. Not that he knew what the perfect scenario for coming clean about this would be...maybe Salazaar Slytherin himself materializing in the living room and saying, “Yup, he’s one of mine.” They wouldn’t be able to get mad at one of the founders, would they?

As ridiculous as that thought was...Kibum was still hopeful.

He draped his comforter around himself once he joined them in the living room, and he sat beside the tree so he could pass out the presents. Both Mom and Grandma loved their gifts from him, which made Kibum’s heart happy, Grandma knit him a sweater, the burgundy one he caught her working on when he got home. He instantly changed into it and thanked her with a hug.

“Oh, hey!” he said as he started to open his present from Mom. “First year was yellow, and then blue, and now red. One more and I’ll have all four Hogwarts colors!”

“Oh, that’s true. I didn’t even think of that. Starting with the best and ending with, well, Slytherin.” Kibum instantly dropped his gaze to the present in his hands and hoped that neither of them noticed his change in expression. They didn’t seem to since Mom laughed. So, he would definitely not be bringing it up today...

Sighing, Kibum tore away the last of the wrapping paper to reveal a leather-bound journal. When he opened it, he found clear pockets on the pages.

“Those are for your polaroids,” Mom said as Kibum flipped through the empty pages. “This is to help you remember your time at Hogwarts better. Grandma gave me the same thing when I was about your age. I still have it, somewhere.”

“I think it’s in the attic.”

“Probably.” Kibum flipped to the end of the journal, his brow furrowing. “Do you not like it?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, I do! I’m just worried there aren’t enough pages.”

“Don’t worry! I enchanted it myself. You’ll never run out.” His eyebrows raised in surprise, and Mom laughed when he started flipping through the journal again.

“Can I start putting stuff in it?”

“Go ahead!”

Kibum scooped up his comforter and ran back up to his room, scanning his walls for his favorite pictures from his time at Hogwarts so far. Once he picked out a couple that he remembered exactly what happened when it was taken, he situated himself on the floor and started organizing them. His absolute favorites were all at Hogwarts in his trunk, so he couldn’t put them in until he went back in a week.

He picked up the first picture he had taken with his polaroid...the one that had started the confusion with his sorting. Kibum sighed, staring at the slightly younger versions of himself and Minho. He sat up, looking in the mirror and then back at the picture. His face had filled out a bit more since then, and he was slightly less chubby than he was. That was probably thanks to Minho, who, for whatever reason, liked to run rampant through the halls on a whim. And, of course, he would have to jog to catch up with him.

Where Minho got his seemingly boundless energy from, Kibum would never know.

Kibum slipped it into the journal, uncapping his ink bottle and dipping his quill, and started writing down notes about what he remembered from that day. Once he was finished with the ones he picked from the wall, he went downstairs, taking a few from off the ice box and snatching a couple of cookies Mom and Grandma had just baked before he ran back upstairs.

He wasn’t sure what time it was when Jonghyun opened his bedroom door, greeting him with a cheery “Hello!” Kibum grunted, too focused on his writing to come up with more of a response. He plopped down beside him -- literally, flush beside him -- and Kibum scooted a little ways away. “I feel so welcome,” he said, and Kibum scoffed when he put his quill down.

“I need room to write.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jonghyun said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He scooted back up against Kibum, who was struggling not to smile now. “So, what are you doing?” Kibum tested the ink to see if it was dry before he flipped back to the first page for Jonghyun to see. “Was that your first day of school?”

“No, I think it was like a week in.”

“Already out of uniform,” he said, pointing at Kibum lack of tie. “Good thing you’re not in Ravenclaw. Flitwick is surprisingly strict about that. Does Sprout care?”

Kibum pursed his lips, turning the page. “You’ll have to ask Minho.”

“I mean, I would, but since he’s not here I’m asking the only other Hufflepuff I care about.” Kibum started to glance in Jonghyun’s direction, but thought better of it. Instead, he turned his head to look at more of his pictures. “Kibum...”

“Hmm?”

Jonghyun sort-of laughed, and Kibum recognized the confusion in it. “It’s a simple question.”

“I know, I just...” Should he? Would it make him feel better to tell one person, even if they weren’t family? Jonghyun would probably keep his secret, too, until he was ready. “I’m not in Hufflepuff so I wouldn’t know,” he said all at once, the words tumbling out of his mouth.

In his peripheral vision, he saw Jonghyun’s head cock to the side. “Did you just say -- “

“I’m not in Hufflepuff. I never have been. I...I’ve been in Slytherin this whole time.” When Jonghyun didn’t respond right away, Kibum looked over at him to find him staring blankly at Kibum’s open journal. He flipped back to the first page, pointing at the picture of him and Minho. “Because I was with Minho and not in my uniform like he was, Grandma just assumed I was in Hufflepuff, and I...I just never corrected her.”

He let out a long sigh, a sort of relief settling over him.

“Well, damn.”

“Yeah...”

“I mean...fuck...that sucks.”

“...yeah.” He blinked, glancing between Jonghyun and the picture. “Wait, the lying for years part or the fact that I’m in...Slytherin?”

“The lying. Though, that can’t be easy either.”

Kibum rolled his eyes. “It’s not that bad. Really,” he added when Jonghyun shot him a look of disbelief. “There’s some stuff I really like about Slytherin.”

“Like what?”

Both jumped at the sound of knocking at the door. “Hi, Jjong,” Mom said as she stepped inside the bedroom.

“Hi, Mrs. Kim!”

“Dinner is ready. It’s just leftovers, nothing fancy.”

“Okay!” Kibum said, feeling the strain in his smile. “We’ll be right down.” She left the door open as she left, and they laid still on the floor, their heads inclined toward the door until they were sure she was out of earshot. “Promise me you won’t say a word to them.”

Jonghyun huffed. “When have I ever told a secret of yours?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Remember when we accidentally broke Grandma’s Remembrall and were going to try to replace it but the second she came into the room you blurted it out?”

“That was so long ago! We were just kids back then...”

“That literally happened last summer.”

Laughing, Jonghyun clapped his hand on Kibum’s shoulder before he stood. “Look how much older and wiser I am now. I’ve got this.”

Luckily, Jonghyun didn’t say a word throughout dinner. About anything. He silently ate his soup while Mom and Grandma and Sodam talked. Mom offered for both of them to spend the night, if they wanted to, but only Jonghyun took her up on the offer. The boys cleared the table when everyone was finished and did the dishes while Mom went upstairs to extend Kibum’s bed so they could sleep there tonight.

After Kibum cleaned up his journalling mess and he gave Jonghyun his present -- the excited yelling scared Mom and she came upstairs to see if they were all right -- they slipped into bed, even though neither were very tired.

“Does Minho know?” Kibum frowned, glancing over at Jonghyun silhouetted profile. “Okay, so I realize now how stupid of a question that was and I feel like it’d be nice if you didn’t bring it up.”

Kibum burst out laughing, rolling away from Jonghyun and almost into the wall.

“What’s it like, though?” he asked once Kibum stopped giggling. “I heard the common room was basically a dungeon.”  

“I thought the same thing when I first saw it, but I don’t think so now...” Kibum blinked, realizing for the first time that his thoughts about his house had changed, however gradually.

Jonghyun rolled over to face him, his hair already sticking out in every direction because of the pillow. “So, what’s your favorite thing about Slytherin?”

“Well...” He told him all about his dormmates and the stupid shit they would do, and how nice it actually was to be in the basement of the castle. Or how no other house had anything close the Lacuspectio so they were really missing out because it was obviously the coolest room in the entire castle -- both figuratively and literally. He talked and answered Jonghyun’s questions until he could barely keep his eyes open.

Jonghyun yawned, breaking the stretch of silence. “You’ve gotta admit...lying for years about being in Hufflepuff is arguably one of the most Slytherin things you could have done.”

He clicked his tongue, and Jonghyun chuckled. “Stereotyping isn’t nice.”

“But in this case, it’s true.”

Kibum flicked his arm, smiling when he heard Jonghyun’s quiet ow! “Serves you right.”

* - * - *

A sort of pinkish-peach haze had settled in the parlor of Madam Puddifoot’s shop. Minho wasn’t sure if it was the garish assault of pink adorning literally every surface of the room was causing the haze or if it was the smoke from the candles that were lit far too long ago. 

The bell tinkled above him as the door closed, and Minho found that Kibum was already seated at their table by the fireplace. He smiled when their eyes met across the shop, his dimples appearing as Minho made his way to the table and sat across from him.

“It’s about time.” Minho rolled his eyes and reached across the table to break the pumpkin pastie Kibum had bought in half. “What made you think I was going to share that with you?” 

He scoffed, stuffing half of it into his mouth. “You always share.”

His dimples appeared again, and Minho almost sighed. “I guess that’s true.” Kibum slid the cup and saucer to him, the tea almost sloshing over the side. “Might as well share this, too.” 

They chatted while they drank their tea, occasionally glancing at the hustle and bustle outside the foggy windows. The ambiance inside the parlor was pleasant and quiet and the crackling fire behind him warmed him to his core. He felt...at peace.

“What else do you want to do while we’re here?” Kibum asked him as they took their dishes up to the counter. 

“You choose. I’m not picky.” 

Kibum let out a long, exasperated sigh. “You never are.”

“Does that frustrate you?” Minho asked with a grin, following Kibum to the door. He didn’t even deign to respond to Minho’s question. Instead, he opened the door for them to leave, and both of them glanced up when the bell didn’t jingle. 

A sprig of something had grown out of the bell, this leaves and tiny white berries blossoming before their eyes.

“Oh...my god.” 

“Is that...mistletoe?” Minho asked, glancing at Kibum before looking back up at the plant. Sprout had talked about it in class the other day, as well as it’s tie to Christmas tradition. 

“You know what that means, right?” Minho shook his head even as he was remembering what Professor Sprout said. “We’re supposed to kiss, now.” His heart stuttered as he licked his chapped lips and glanced down at Kibum’s lips. Heat bloomed across his face when Kibum took a half a step closer to him. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“Do you -- “ his voice cracked, and Kibum’s smile grew as Minho’s cheeks colored even more. “Do you want to?” Instead of answering, Kibum glanced down at Minho’s lips before he met Minho’s eyes again. 

“Minho...” Kibum said, his voice suddenly urgent and Minho stopped himself from leaning toward him before he ever really started. Was he doing it wrong? He wasn’t sure. Kibum grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him. “Minho!” 

“Wha..?”

Minho opened his eye slowly, seeing a slightly irritated Minseok standing above him. “Finally, you’re awake.” He rubbed his eyes, taking in his bedroom. So, he was home...not at Hogwarts...or Hogsmeade...or Madam Puddifoot’s shop. It had all just been a dream. His face scrunched as he sat up and he frowned up at his brother. “Come on, we’ve been waiting for you to open presents.”

“M’kay.” He slid out of bed, grabbing his discarded hoodie off the floor. It had all been a dream...whatever it was, it faded from his mind. The only thing that lingered was that he was at Hogsmeade with Kibum, but, whatever they were doing was probably more fun than he had had over the past few days.

As much as he enjoyed peace and quiet, there’s only so much alone time Minho could stand. By the end of the first day, he was lamenting the fact that he had left Geum-nan at Hogwarts. If he had brought her home, he could have at least sent letters back and forth to Kibum while he was stuck in his room.

He followed Minseok downstairs, smiling as he bent down to scratch Ember’s ears when she chirruped and rubbed up against his leg. She followed him into the living room and waited until he was situated on the floor before she crawled into his lap. 

Looking at all the presents under the tree, he felt slightly guilty, given the fact that he didn’t have the opportunity to go gift shopping at all during his break. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure if there were even presents beneath the tree for him. 

“Minseok,” Mom said after she set aside her tea. “You go first.” 

He grabbed one box and checked the label before passing it to Minho, then picked up his own. “It’s from Uncle Doyun.” Minho’s eyes lit up and he flipped the box over, Ember batting at the ribbon. He waited for Minseok to open his and pull out his envelope and sift through it. “₩ 50,000! And...looks like letters!”

Minho tore into his box, startling Ember. “From who?” Dad asked.

“Uh...Jinil and Kyungwhi! Soojin must have gotten them for me.”

Minho excited ripped into his, finding the same ₩ 50,000. He’d probably have to ask or convince Mom to take him to Gringotts before he went back so he could exchange the won for money he could use while he was at school. But, he honestly didn’t care about the money at the moment. He crumpled up the wrapping paper and dropped it in front of Ember. She immediately batted at it, and Minho smiled as he dug into his envelope again. 

A letter from Sooyoung, Jinki, and Taemin? He tucked them into his hoodie pocket, along with his money, so he could read them when he had to go back to his room. Mom and Dad got each of them books -- for Minseok, Eragon and Eldest and for Minho, The Lightning Thief. He was excited to read it, because it looked fun and interesting, though he wasn’t sure if he could while he was grounded. 

Ember played under the tree while they ate breakfast, Minseok running back into the room to catch the tree when it almost toppled over. She hopped up on the bookshelf to get away from it and watched them as they finished eating. Once the dishes were cleared and cleaned, Minho was back up in his room.

He flopped down on his bed and pulled his letters out of his pocket. 

Sooyoung’s letter was long but very fun to read. She got Minho up to date on all the stupid Choi family drama going on in Korea, as well as telling him that Soojin, her older sister, was all but engaged. She wasn’t sure when it would happen, but she was wondering if Minho and his family would be able to come back to Korea for the wedding. He hoped so. It’d be fun to go back and see his favorite cousin again.

Jinki’s letter was short and to the point. He said that he hoped Minho was doing well and that he missed hanging out with him after school. 

Taemin’s letter had this excited energy laced into every word. He wanted to know everything about England and he wanted to come and visit and see what it was like, even though he knew his parents would never allow it. He talked about school and told Minho that he was still doing ballet lessons after school. Apparently, his mom thought -- or rather, hoped -- that they would make him more graceful and less clumsy, and so far, that had not been the case.

Grinning, Minho folded all the letters up and put them on his nightstand before he laid back down. He looked up at the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. He had already rearranged them three different ways, and, while he could do it again, he really, really didn’t want to.  

The days after Christmas stretched on and on. 

He knew...he knew he was supposed to be thinking about what he did. But every time he did, he would only get distracted by Dad’s comments about Kibum. He still could not fathom why Dad didn’t like him, and didn’t want Minho to be around him anymore.  Like...he wouldn’t even give him an explanation.

It wasn’t as if Dad knew Kibum at all. When he was here over the summer, Dad spent hardly any time in the same room as him...so, whatever Dad was basing his opinion of Kibum off of wasn’t based on actual knowledge.

So, until he got an actual answer from Dad about what was so fucking terrible about his best friend...his opinion was not important.

Damn, he missed Kibum...

Minho couldn’t wait to get back to the normalcy that Hogwarts provided. After this Christmas break, Minho hoped that Kibum never had to go back home from Christmas. Even if he did, Minho might decide to stay at Hogwarts anyway and avoid the hassle of coming home. 

Hopefully, that wouldn’t be the case, but he had to be prepared.

The day before he was supposed to head back, Mom dropped off The Lighting Thief, giving him permission to read it. Ember slipped through the crack in the door and stayed with him when he started to read. She even fell asleep on his lap, which meant he couldn’t move until she woke up.

He finished the book that afternoon.

His backpack was packed and ready to go before midnight, and he was dressed hours before Mom came to take him to the train station. Unfortunately, she said no to a trip to Gringotts, but it wasn’t the end of the world, since he thought he remembered the post office in Hogsmeade having some sort of money exchange. 

After a quick hug goodbye, Minho hurried to the proper platform to wait for his train. He put his headphones on as he sat down, and he hoped that his iPod mini would have enough battery to make the trip to King’s Cross. It did, luckily enough, the music dying right as soon as they pulled into the station. 

Minho was practically vibrating with excitement now, eager to see Kibum and his dormmates again. He tried not to rush or bump into anyone as he made his way to Platform 9 3/4, and he mostly succeeded -- he did stay to help the nice lady pick up her luggage. He ran through the wall, relishing the strange and prickly sensation that always followed and looked around the platform for a glimpse of Kibum.

It didn’t look like he was here, yet. 

Students were already boarding the train, some of them hanging half-out of the windows to continue their conversations with their families. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to board now and trust that Kibum would find him, or wait for him out here on the platform. While he was trying to decide, someone’s arm hooked over his shoulder, pulling him closer to them. 

He glanced over, wholly unsurprised to see Kibum standing there with a stupidly smug smile. “What are you waiting for?”

“You, dumbass.” 

Kibum snorted, dropping his arm from around Minho and started for the train. Minho followed him to their seats and he leaned against him, sighing. “You okay?” Minho shrugged, glancing over at Kibum when he tried to meet his eye. “Did something happen?”

He could have told him that he had gotten grounded, but, he just didn’t want to talk about it. Not right now, anyway. Looking at Kibum now, though, he remembered that he had had some sort of dream about him sometime during the break. His face must have scrunched up or something, given Kibum’s increasingly concerned expression.

“Okay, you’re scaring me.” 

“No, no! Don’t worry.” He laughed, rubbing his hand over his face. “I just had a dream about us earlier and I was trying to remember what happened.” 

“Well?” 

“I’ve got nothing.” He laughed when Kibum scoffed, but then his brow furrowed when Kibum froze beside him. “What?” 

“Fuck...I forgot your present at home!” He stood, as if he were just going to run home and get it right now, but slowly sunk into his seat when the Hogwarts Express pulled forward. “Shit...” 

“It’s okay! You could always write your mom or Grandma and have them send it.” Kibum let out a long sigh. “True. You’re really gonna like it, though.”

“What makes you so sure?” 

“It’s almost as if you’re my -- ” he paused with a gasp, “ -- best friend! And I know what kind of stuff you'd like!” Minho gasped in mock surprise, which started Kibum giggling. He rested his head on Minho’s shoulder for a second, until he stopped laughing. “I missed you.” 

Minho closed his eyes, smiling when a sense of peace washed over him. “I missed you, too, Bummie.”

[galacticbugman]

What are My top ten favorite Movies and TV shows ???

Hi everyone you for a while now you may have caught on by reading my nature blog that I am kind of a nerd for more than just nature. I am now opening my blog to more than just nature but at about all my interests as a whole. You may think of me as more of a naturalist but there is a whole side of me that I would like to talk about. 

It is convention season for all of us Nerds. The Dallas Fan Expo will be starting in Dallas pretty soon which I will not be able to attend this year but I am going to a con this year with my brother. I thought it would cool to talk about my top 10 favorite TV and Movie franchises to kind of give you a window into the other part of my life that I hold most near and dear. Note that these franchises are not necessarily in the correct order because I can’t really decide which ones are my true favortie as a whole. (Hint I go over this in earlier posts.) So lets get started. 

Cartoons! are one of my favorite things to watch when I am in need of a good laugh so I nearly always turn to a few like Talespin, Darkwing Duck, Chip n’ Dale Rescue Rangers, Pokemon (only up to seasons 1-8) or a whole load of others. One has earned its place really near and dear to my heart and that would be this fan favorite

Who doesn’t love a good runabout with the Warner Brothers Yakko, Wakko, and the Warner Sister Dot on the 90s classic Animaniacs. I grew up in the 90s and absolutly loved Animaniacs from the start. Ever since I was little I was obsessed with the WB kids block and this show had me laughing the whole time. It makes fun out of pop culture as a whole, has catchy songs, goofy wit, classic slapstick, and tons of references and entertaining songs. I love this show and have gone back and watched many of the episodes and the truth is they still have me nearly laughing till I am on my butt doubled over. I love their jabs at Star Trek, Disney films, and many of the other things I watched as a kid. That is not all they make fun of they make fun of artists and many other icons from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s. I didn’t realize just how much stuff they make fun of but every time I watch it I am always finding something new to laugh out loud with. I enjoy watching the others to the series like Pinky and the Brain, Tiny Toon Adventures, Histeria, and Freakazoid. I have always been a fan of the whole line up of the spin offs but I don’t always revisit them as much as I do as this one. 

When I was a little boy I always wanted to grow up and be a Paleontologist. I loved dinosaurs with a passion. I was about four years old when I first said Paleontologist the correct way and that is what I told people I wanted to be. I was a big fan of Land Before Time growing up and I also liked the Disney Sitcom Dinosaurs, as well as Disney’s movie about Dinosaurs called Dinosaur. It was back in about 2005 or 2006 and I was finally allowed to watch Jurassic Park and it’s sequel The Lost World Jurassic Park. My aunt had both on VHS and I popped the first one in to the VCR player and didn’t quite know what to expect but this film had me at the moment Ellie Sattler and Alan Grant saw that Brachiosaur. I loved the story, the characters, and most of all the dinosaurs. It is a classic for any science fiction nerd or dinosaur nerd. I am a big fan of Steven Spielberg works and Jurassic Park and all of its sequels including Jurassic World and its sequel have always been a big part of my movie watching experience.  If I had to rank them from best to worst The Lost World would always come first. For some reason I loved that one as a movie better than any of the others for some reason. I didn’t necessarily like the book that was called the Lost World that I read in high school but I did love the book called Jurassic Park both written by the late Michael Crichton. Next would be the original, then Jurassic World would be next, followed by Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, and then Jurassic Park ///. I have always been a big fan of them but Jurassic Park /// was kind of awkward but don’t get me wrong it is starting to grow with me the more I watch it even with the hidden Lore that the latest two movie sites have put out. I was a little befuddled with the last entry in the Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom but I thought it was an okay movie and I have a feeling that it will lead up to a better follow up story. I tend not to really be overly critical when it comes to the franchise as a whole because most of what we get comes from the pages of the two novels as a whole. So Jurassic Park is and always shall be one of my favorites. If I feel like I am in the mood to have a movie in the dark night. I will most likely watch a Jurassic movie or the first Jaws film which I also love but I only like the first Jaws movie and somewhat like the second one but the last two are just downright terrible and I am not a huge fan of those unless I just want to watch them to get a good cheesy laugh out of them. I have a lot of Jurassic park themed stuff. I have two egg toys one featuring the injured T-rex baby from lost world and a raptor from JP///, I have Pop! figure of Blue, and have the Jurassic Park: Danger Board game, the a few shirts and a a hoodie and a few other things from earlier films as well as all of the movies on DVD. 

So when I was a kid my greatest obsession was Star Wars that was the main thing that I would watch and collect memorabilia and action figures from. However after the release of Revenge of the Sith it began to run kind of thin with me and I was not much as a devoted fan anymore. I mean I read the Expanded Universe stories which I love better than this Disney stuff that they have been spewing out for the last few years. However back in 2009 the new Star Trek reboots were just coming out. I went down the cereal aisle and found ads for  Star Trek with limited edition Beam Up badges so I decided to see what it was about. I had never really been a big fan of Star Trek. I would only watch it occasionally when my parents would watch it but I hardly understood it. They watch the later series with Jean Luc Picard, Benjamin Sisko, and Katherine Janeway as the captains. I decided to watch my first full Star Trek episode called the “Corbinite  Maneuver” In an instant I was hooked. I started with the the Original with William Shatner and it instantly became a big time obsession. I bought some more cereal and collected cut out tokens so I could send away for a Star Trek uniform Tee shirt which I still have to this day. I went on to watch the first six Star Trek movies, the Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager, (sorry folks was not a big fan of enterprise) but I was totally hooked. In high school I even learned how to speak a little bit of Klingon. Mostly if I speak Klingon now I am singing Klingon opera like the “victory song”, the “battle anthem”, or “Klingon Drinking song”, or the song that they sing on the night before one’s wedding sung on the Deep Space Nine Episode “You are cordially invited” which is one of my top picks for that series. I am a huge fan of Deep Space Nine more than anything for its dark under tones and more serious manner. It tends to be the darkest series of the first five series. Don’t get me wrong Voyager had some pretty crazy and dark twisted episodes but my goodness is it good. I also got to meet a few Star Trek cast memebers along the way as I became more into wanting to go to more nerd conventions. 

Here I am with Captain Kirk himself at my first ever Dallas Fan Expo in Dallas TX. I was so excited to meet William Shatner and get this photo taken with the second Captain of the USS Enterprise NCC-1701. It was a truly awesome experience. I also got to meet Brent Spiner who played my favorite TNG character Data. I also got to meet Nichelle Nicholes. I got both her’s and Brent’s autograph. It was quite fun to go to those cons. I went three years in a row to the Dallas expo. My last time was in 2016. It was so cool to meet the rest of the people I met like Veronica Taylor from Pokemon, Christopher Lloyd from Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Back to the Future, Cyber Chase when he played the Hacker, I also Met Nathan Fillion from Firefly and Castle I am now watching his current show on ABC called the Rookie which me and my aunt are both obsessed over right now. I also met Dean Cain from the Superman series Louis and Clark, I also met Bill Farmer who plays Goofy on most of the modern Disney stuff, Jim Cummings who played Darkwing Duck, Winnie-the-pooh, Ed the Hyena on Lion King, and many other characters from most of our childhoods. I also met a few others but my goodness I have met a lot. So Star Trek to say has become one of my favorites surpassing Star Wars even though I have not been too sure about the new Discovery show. I am more of purist when it comes to Star Trek but that is just me. That doesn’t mean that the Reboots and Discovery have a few redeeming qualities I am just saying I like the way it intended to be. I since have collected books, a few models of a couple of the USS Enterprises like the original, D, and my personal favorite E, along with a model of Spock, I also made myself a do it yourself tribble because I am a huge fan of that episode Trouble with Tribbles as most of us Trekkies do. I still like Star Wars so don’t get me wrong I still have all my old Star Wars toys and things so that will never truly go away but I am still more toward the pre-Disney era and think that the legends are the only canon in my book. I still like both and each one brings something to the table so there is no reason to totally be at odds with each other when it comes to our two respective fandoms. 

Next is one of my favorite British TV Shows that I have grown to like since the year 2014 when I went to my first Dallas Fan Expo. 

Doctor Who will always be one of my all time favorite Time Travel shows. I have to admit when my mother watched this on TV when I was younger on PBS. It scared the pants off me. I hated the show at first. I was born with autism and some of the weird off set and loud noises from the original run episodes really bothered me with my audio issues with my ears. It took me a long while to develop a taste for this classic bit of BBC programming. I have watched PBS shows all my life from Keeping up Appearances, Are You Being Served, and many of the other British Sitcoms but I never really got into their science fiction stuff I was more into their comedies like Monty Python’s Flying Circus and what not but I gave it another go and instantly got into it. You may think that I started with what we call the NuWho but I began to watch the Third and Forth Doctor series from the 1970s working my way to number 5, 6, 7, and then I watched the movie with the eighth Doctor, and then got into the new stuff. Tom Baker, David Tenant, Matt Smith, John Pertwee, and Peter Capaldi were among my absolute favorite Doctors. The stories are insane and and very fun. They deal with a lot os issues saw into day’s world. It almost reminds me of Twilight Zone and Outer limits some of the time with a few of the stories but has its own vibes and style to it. I love the show and have a few Tee shirts, a 11th Doctor fez, a replica of 10′s sonic screwdriver, the Lego Tardis set along with the Lego Dimensions add on packs with the 12th Doctor, K-9 (who is by far my favorite side character of the series), I also have the Dalek and Cyberman add ons. I have a couple of other things like a 4th Doctor pop figure too, as well as a Doctor Who 4th Doctor scarf and blanker which I often wear and have when I am watching a marathon or when I am down with a cold or sick with something else. So yeah I am a huge fan of this but was not too impressed with the writing from the last Doctor’s run it wasn’t the Doctor being a woman or the acting which I though the change was very interesting and I had no problem with it but I just feel the writing could have been done a little differently. However I was sad we didn’t get a Christmas special last year so that broke tradition with the Doctor Who show. Still I don’t mind travailing with the good Doctor when I watch the show. It is an emotional roller coaster and a thrilling story of a mad man in a blue box. 

One of my other favorites and one of my regular go to movies and Cartoons is the Men In Back franchise. I am a fan of both the live action and the series they used to play on the WB kids block. Men In Black has always been one to get me laughing my head off. My favorite character is Jay because for me I kind of find his antics way off point for what Kay is trying to teach him to be. Jay is never low key about trying to keep things about global destruction low key like the MIB do. Jay always has the best lines and is kind of a good ball compared to his partner Kay. I first saw Men In Black movies in the early 2000s but I watched the series when I was a kid. I often revisit the series because I like how it was done. Dark a little bit, sarcastic absolutely, and full of action you bet. The cartoon doesn’t have a lot of deep seeded issues or things to reflect on like the movies do. The movies always get me to thinking and always having me laugh my head off till I nearly puke. Seriously every time the Worm Guys come on the screen I am on my butt nearly double over. They are my favorite aliens of the series in both the cartoon and live action universes. These films are just my kind of weird. I like Ghostbusters too for the same reasons there is a lot of fun characters, crazy villains, tons of gross out moments that either make you gag or laugh, and there is a lot of action involved. Seriously this film has it all space cops, evil human challenged aliens, and tons of shiny things. This series is a must for any science fiction fan. It is just simply put a fun series. I don’t know how the next one is going to go seeming that Agent K and J are not going to be in this film so far as I know but I will go see it just to see what they do to the franchise as we explore another branch of the MIB. I have all three on DVD and have some old wendy’s toys back when the cartoon series was out. I love this series too because in a few episodes in the cartoon and in the first movie they had to deal with Space Bugs so that kind of made me into it more. I love the whole fight scene with Edgar and Jay’s antics it was kind of a funny fight scene with an awesome gross out with the slime at the end when the space roach gets blown to bits. I find the episodes in the cartoon featuring the bugs funny. All of that has a great blend with sci-fi and comedy. Some of the cartoon stuff is pretty dark but heck man I still love it for what it is worth. 

Space Jam was one that I loved from the moment I saw it for the first time in the 90s. I have always been a Looney Tunes kind of guy. I love the classics, Tazmania, Loonatics Unleashed, Duck Dodgers, and I really didn’t think the Looney Tunes Show was all that bad in fact I think over all it was good but I still think they should have made a few changes to a few of their characters. I love the straight to DVD movies too. Space Jam is one of those films that is kind of off the rails but it is one that all 90s kids like to be honest. I have always been a fan of the blend with cartoon characters intermingling with humans and interacting with them. It is a fun movie and I really enjoy watching it. I have it on DVD and watch it often. I love the sport of Basket Ball I used to play it when I was young on a little league team and love to watch the Dallas Mavericks play so seeing a blend of two of my favorite things blended together is kind of fun. There are a lot of funny moments in this film and a few classic references to a few other movies. When I watch a new movie I always love to see what kind of other references I can find and laugh when I figure out what they are. Space Jam is one of those that is a fun film and sometimes fun films don’t get a lot of good press with critics but there is nothing wrong with watching a fun film. Sometimes life needs to be taken a little less serious and you need a good laugh or just need to take you mind off things and this is one of those films that is just down right ridiculous but we love it. Shoot I can watch this basket ball match between the Tune Squad and the Monstars anytime over and over again. 

Another one of my absolute favorites is this Toony Mystery film. Roger Rabbit is one of the few cult classic movies that I have seen and for me I love this one. I love mysteries I read a lot of mystery books like A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket and I have not been a stranger to reading a Sherlock Holmes mystery. I find this movie to be more for older kids but it has always appealed to me for its fun nature and its really interesting blend of Noir style with cartoon characters. It is one of my favorite crossovers using mainly Warner Bros., Disney, and Universal characters along with the original characters like Roger Rabbit, his wife Jessica, Baby Herman, the Weasels, and Benny the Cab. the one scene in this whole film that makes me laugh extra hard is the Droopy Bellboy scene were Eddie is entering the appartment building trying to track down Jessica but is actually following a bonkers Toon Named Leena who looks like Jessica but is not Jessica at all. The elevator scene is so funny the way that Droopy looks so emotionless and says his lines while Eddie gets flattened and then flung up to the ceiling. I am a fan of a lot of classic cartoons and Droopy is one of them so that is why I laugh so hard at that scene and I have been known to do an impression of him when I enter an elevator with my family. That"going up sir, mind you step sir, hold on sir, have a good day sir” line has always stuck with me. Now I watched this as a child and any fan of this movie knows how terrifying Judge Doom was toward the end. For me the most horrifying scene in this movie (and I am sure I speak to most of the fans of this here when I say) The most horrific scene for this movie (SPOILERS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ THIS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM TURN BACK NOW.) Is where Judge Doom and Eddie get into the epic battle and Eddie grabs a tub of glue and Judge Doom breaks it open and winds up getting stuck to the end of the steamroller and instantly flattened. That is not what makes it so freaky it is when Roger yells to Eddie to look then you see a flattened Doom start to peel himself off the ground and start to flop around trying to get his balance. His partial Toon features are only freakier to whitness the burning red eyes, the high pitched voice that could break glass, the eye daggers, the arm saw makes him a formidable foe and one of the creepiest characters in this film. However besides that it is one of my favorites because I laugh and I think it is another one of those fun and silly films. I also like that is one of those very special films that allow for other film groups to correspond with each other. I feel that we need more films like these where characters from different franchises come together. I don’t think we will get another film where Mickey and Bugs, or Daffy and Donald share the same screen time ever again on the same playing field but that is another reason why I get a kick out of this film it is not totally one sided a lot of characters are in this movie sharing the spotlight from different film industries which still amazes audiences today. And too I like the crazy wit of Roger. I have actually played the NES game for this film but have never really completed it. 

Okay so now we are getting into more down to earth comedy which I do like. A friend in college a couple of semesters back told me about this movie after I told him that I was a naturalist and a birder. This movie is about the annual Big Year that happens every year. It is a comedy of three men trying to get the most amount of birds in a calendar year. It is one of my favorite nature based hollywood films. If you get into to birding though and want to see this movie DO NOT TAKE THIS MOVIE FOR SCIENCE ACCURACY! It will drive you nuts. It is a great movie about birds and many people who watch it are bird watcher and members of birding clubs like I am but there are many birds that are out of place in this film but heck it is still a fun movie to watch and get a laugh out of. I watch it every time during the new year or before a big birding event. Sometime I will watch it before the Christmas bird count or before I go to volunteer for the Great Backyard Bird Count. I love this movie for many reasons it is heartfelt, has birds and I love birds and have over 170 on my life list so far. It is also just a good film to watch if you are a nature lover. It is funny but has a good message to it. It is one that is good for the whole family. I like it because I like all three of these actors. I watch a lot of their material often. Steve Martin has always been one of my favorite actors for his roles in Cheaper By the Dozen, Pink Panther 1&2, my personal favorite The Three Amigos, among others. I think this is another one that is really fun I know I say that a lot but this one is kind of cool because it really does show what birder do minus Owen Wilson’s character being kind of a big jerk to everybody in this film. It shows a day in the life of a birder in most cases and what we do when we are caught in certain situations in a more comedic way but it is till a reflection of ourselves when we travel and when we all get together and go birding. So this movie really hits close to home for me. It is neither a cartoon or a science fiction it is a comedy and a pretty good one too. So I give this one a spot on my list. 

I mentioned this one earlier but this is one of the only horror movies I have ever gotten into. I had not seen the movie previously to 2010. I have seen bits and pieces and to be honest I was only a small kid when I saw the bits and pieces and this film creeped me out big time. In 2010 in one of my classes in high school we all got DVDs and my teacher knowing how much I loved animals gave me this one. I was not really allowed to watch it I lived a pretty sheltered life but I watched it and I was totally blown away (no pun intended to the ending). This film was truly amazing and one I watch again and again. I love sharks and I know this shark is viewed as a bad guy preying on poor beach goers who are just trying to enjoy themselves while having a swim at the beach. I really like the Matt Hooper Character portrayed by Richard Dryfuss. My grandmother said it must have been devine intervention that I saw this film because it made me study the truth behind sharks, shark attacks, and made me develop a new appreciation for sharks. This film may have scared the pants off of me when I was younger and may have scared everyone that went to go see it back in the summer of 1975 or who read the novel by Peter Benchly which I have read back in high school around the same time I read the two Jurassic Park Novels. This film is by far one of the darkest films and maybe the darkest film I will ever watch all though Star Trek: First Contact was really dark in some spots but I liked it. Jaws for me was fun and had a lot of nice dark undertones especially when you get to Captain Quint’s famous USS Indianapolis speech. The movie is good and reflect heavily on the 1916 shark attacks even though it happens on an island that doesn’t exist and the setting of the attacks was changed but it was meant to be a fictional story but it does have echos of the events that played out during the summer of 1916. I love this movie for many reasons but it was really well played out even as it turned out to be one of the toughest movies to make and was almost never made. I love the characters in the movie. I can see why they changed them from their book counterparts all of the characters were not that likable and were jerks to everyone it seemed. The movies puts heart into to some of the situations that play out and has a deep suspense theme to it. Number 2 was the one I enjoyed the second most. Number three I can’t even take seriously and number four only has that one genuinely terror scene at the beginning then it is a complete cheese fest. Don’t get me wrong I am one for cheesy movies I love a lot of the cheesy stuff from the 60s, 70s, and 80s but Jaws isn’t one that I would associate for trying to be totally cheesy then it turned out to be. I know they were just milking it for all it was worth but it was really unnecessary because the rest of the films didn’t take anything from the source material like you see in Jurassic Park. That is why I don’t criticize Jurassic Park that much because all of that stuff comes from the pages of the book. Jaws only does it justice one time then totally goes down hill from there. That is why I say that there will never be a movie with a shark half as good as Jaws one. Jaws one was tops for shark movies but no one has come even close from trying to break the cheese barrier. The Meg came a little close but not too close. So yeah Jaws still holds the record for being the best shark film. 

Okay now I am getting into some Superhero stuff. I bet you are wondering who like better DC or Marvel. Well I like both but I only like certain things from DC. DC I only like for the 1960s Batman TV show even though it was a campy series I still loved it and love to laugh at it and watch it just for fun. I also like the Michael Keaton stuff like Batman 1980 and Batman Returns; Don’t judge me on this but I also like to watch Batman & Robin and Batman Forever just for the cheap giggles and laughs. I also like the first four Superman Films, the original Wonder Woman series, and the early DC comics and things. I am not one for the darker films that much. I am just not that kind of guy. However I do love the Marvel comics and the Marvel cinematic Universe. What is a nerd without liking superheroes. This is one of my favorites. I first saw an ad for this trailer at the Dallas Fan Expo in 2014 and I instantly wanted to go see it. It looked funny and the song “Hooked on a Feeling” was played and I love that song just as much a Peter Quill so yeah I had to see it. I love things about renegades and rebels on the loose like Star Wars, Firefly, and several western flicks like Young Guns I&II and several others. Guardians of the Galaxy is one of my favorites for its sarcastic nature (I like a lot of stuff with sarcasm for my family tends to be pretty sarcastic and me I tend to be a wise guy sometimes and like to smart off so I would fit right along with the Guardians of the Galaxy crew if I was able to) The humor in this film is my kind of humor and the action is good; but what gets me with these films is the connection these outlaws have with each other and how they over come their troubles and woes. They were “losers” but they found strength with each other even if they were contemplating to kill each other at some points in the film. They still had their issues but isn’t that what happpens in a family. I love the story of the first one and love the follow up. These films have a place on the list because to me I can relate. My grandmother had cancer and died from it much like Peter’s momma at the beginning of the film and My grandmother got me hooked on a lot of the stuff that she got me into like vintage black and white comedies, old songs from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. So there was a deep connection I had with these films that really hit me hard minus the being abducted by aliens thing. So this film is one of those that makes me think about my own life in certain ways. 

So these are my top movie and TV show picks. You may see that I have a lot of things that are relate-able to my sense of humor and my life and the way I work. So there is much more to me then just picking up a camera and going on a hike. No I am a pretty big nerd in the long run. I have not go into Anime that much I do like some but I don’t really like a whole bunch of it. It has always been hard for me to get into. Normally I like comedies, western cartoons mainly classic cartoons and things, I am also into a lot of science fiction. Just to name a few other things I am into (Lord of the Rings, I am somewhat of a slight Hobbit guy, Battlestar Galactica 1978, Godzilla most of the films, King Kong, Scooby Doo and many other Hanna Barbara Cartoons, the Chronicles of Narnia, a whole multitude of Disney films from the past to today. Just to name a few things) 

So until next time I am Galactic Bug Man. Live Long and Prosper and I will see you on the trail. This transmission ends. 

and May the Force Be With You! Good Night Everybody! 

[douchebagbrainwaves]

UNLESS THEIR WORKING DAY ENDS AT THE SAME TIME

The average 25 year old is no match for companies that have already raised money. But once you've admitted that one high level language can be more powerful than your own. I was still wasting time imitating the wrong things? I first laid out these principles explicitly, I noticed something striking: this is practically a recipe for succeeding just by negating. Productivity varies in any field, but I don't think our competitors understood, and few understand even now: when you're writing software that only has to do something trivially easy. That may be the more important of the two. Certainly not the authors. Whether to do anything hard in. Lexical closures provide a way to get a job. For example, open source software is more reliable precisely because it's open source; anyone can find mistakes. By the end of the scale, nature seems to be more companies like us. This essay is derived from a talk at Oscon 2005.

The people who understood our technology best were the customers. Fortunately you have some control over both how much you make, and you can decrease the amount of bullshit in your life by more than you think. By definition you can't tell from his portfolio. I knew practically nothing about the paths from rich to poor.1 If your terms force startups to do things they never anticipated, rather than a real downtown, Brasilia rather than Rome, Ada rather than C. There's nothing like going to grad school at Harvard to cure you of any illusions you might have about the average Harvard undergrad. What you're doing is business creation. Maybe it would be misleading even to call them centers. And the thing we'd built, as far as they could tell, wasn't even software. Many things people like, especially if they're young and ambitious, they like largely for the feeling of virtue in liking them. A programming language does need a good implementation, of course, but as far as they could tell, wasn't even software.2

Technically the term high-level language, in the long run, of the forces underlying open source and blogs are done for free, but before the Web it was harder than it looked.3 When you choose technology, you have to figure out. It's there to some degree in almost every field, but there aren't enough investors who will give $200k to a startup that was sufficiently successful would never have to move. VCs. So you could say either was the cause. The companies that rule Silicon Valley now are all descended in various ways from Shockley Semiconductor. Hackers like to hack, and hacking means getting inside things and second guessing the original designer. It's basically the diminutive form of belligerent. They switch because it's a better browser.4

It's not simply a matter of writing a lot of the new principles business has to learn it? He suggests starting with Python and Java, because they are easy to learn. That's what you do.5 Does this sound familiar?6 Except books—but books are different. And users don't care where you went to a better college. But if you make a language popular? The language can help here too. Now Palo Alto is suburbia, but then it was a charming college town—a language you should learn as an intellectual exercise, even though the latter depends more on determination than brains. How do you protect yourself from these people?

If you make something users want, then you're dead, whatever else you do or don't do. I bet this isn't true.7 I think the effect of such external factors on the popularity of a programming language rather than, say, making the language strongly typed. People interested in local events that one is solving mostly a single type of problem instead of many different types. Microsoft is remarkable among big companies in that they are able to develop software in house. But Y Combinator runs on the maker's schedule has a meeting, they have to be really good at tricking you. They were not even on a path to anything interesting. By the time you have to design buildings that don't fall down, but the creator is full of soot. If willfulness and discipline are what get you to profitability but you can tell it must be satisfying expectations I didn't know I had. The last one might be the most important.

The Reddits pushed so hard against the current that they reversed it; now it looks like they're merely floating downstream.8 If you throw them out, you find that good products do tend to win in the market. And God help you if you choose them. It seems unlikely this is a sign that something is broken?9 How about writer?10 Our secret weapon was similar. But there's another way of using time that's common among people who make things, like programmers and writers. Revealingly, the same status as what comes with it. What's less often understood is that there are more of them. For I see a painting impressively hung in a museum, I ask myself: how much would I pay for this if I found it at a garage sale, dirty and frameless, and with no idea who painted it?

The reason we tell founders not to worry about and which not to.11 The melon seed model implies it's possible to make yourself into one. My God, it was harder to reach an audience or collaborate on projects. Better to get a lot done. I accumulated all this useless stuff, but that the people pretending to work. There is usually so much demand for custom work that unless you're really incompetent there has to be in the twentieth century.12 Using first and rest instead of car and cdr often are, in successive lines.

And that is just what tends to happen. I cheat by using a very dense language, which shrinks the court. In this particular case there is a way to finesse our way out of lower-level abstractions are built in a very transparent way out of lower-level abstractions, which you can survive.13 And odds are that is in fact the bullshit-minimizing option. There are usually a few people in a company with someone you dislike because they have some skill you need and you worry you won't find anyone else. Note too that determination and talent are not the whole story. That word balance is a significant one.14 I tried my best to imitate them. Often, indeed, it is at least different from when I started. You may have as many as five or ten releases a day.15 So if Lisp makes you a better programmer, like he says, why wouldn't you want to get the most out of them, and lose half a day's work; or we can try to avoid meeting them, and probably offend them.

Notes

For example, understanding French will help dispel the cloud of semi-sacred mystery that surrounds wisdom in ancient philosophy may be some things it's a significant effect on returns, it's easy to believe your whole future depends on where you go to grad school, and the war it was actually a computer.

Investors are professional negotiators, and all the East Coast. In many ways the New Deal but with World War II had disappeared.

Ed. Some of the lies we tell.

When I catch egregiously linkjacked posts I replace the url with that additional constraint, you can't even claim, like indifference to individual users. In Shakespeare's own time in the 1980s was enabled by a central authority according to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in the 70s, moving to Monaco would give us. VCs may begin to conserve board seats by switching to what modernist architects meant.

The person who would in 1950. I did when I was a good idea to make money from the truth to say that was actively maintained would be investors who turned them down because investors already owned more than just getting started. 7% of American kids attend private, non-programmers grasped that in the world of the most accurate way to find a broad hard-beaten road to his time was 700,000 per month. But one of few they had in grad school, because they attract so much on luck.

Dealers try to write your thoughts down in, say, recursion, and in fact you're descending in a difficult position. But do you use this route instead.

In principle yes, of S P 500 CEOs in 2002 was 35,560.

Some blue counties are false positives caused by filters will have to want them; you don't see them, but whether it's good enough to convince limited partners. If by cutting the founders' advantage if it were. An accountant might say that IBM makes decent hardware.

This is not a VC who read it ever wished it longer. 'Math for engineers' classes sucked mightily. Even college textbooks is unpleasant work, like warehouses. 5% of Apple now January 2016 would be to say because most of the lawyers they need them to get the people worth impressing already judge you more than investors.

So the most surprising things I've learned about VC inattentiveness. Stone, op. No, we met Aydin Senkut. I overstated the case.

The way to pressure them to ignore investors and instead of just Jews any more than make them want you.

I couldn't convince Fred Wilson for reading drafts of this essay, I preferred to work than stay home with them. I wonder if that means is No, and that modern corporate executives would work. Mayle, Peter, Why Are We Getting a Divorce?

There are people in return for something that would appeal to space aliens, but this would be critical to do something we didn't, they still probably won't invest in so many different schools of thought about how to allocate resources, political deal-making power. There were a variety called Red Delicious that had other meanings. The problem is that you'll expend a lot like meaning.

It's not the shape that matters financially for investors. This plan backfired with the New Deal but with World War II the tax codes were so bad that they probably wouldn't be worth trying to deliver the lines meant for a startup than it was 10 years ago. At the time I thought there wasn't, because they can't afford to. Where Do College English 28 1966-67, pp.

Your user model almost couldn't be perfectly accurate, because the illiquidity of progress puts them at the works of their growth from earnings.

[rainbowhouseplant]

I’m starting to remember why I left the cosplay community quite a bit ago.

Last month I called myself ‘retarded’. I do this all the time because I am slowing down. I’m losing my ability to speak coherently unless I’m at like, a thousand percent okay-ness and those days are few and far between and my processing for auditory directions is like, completely shot.

Hence, I call myself ‘retarded’. It’s okay, it’s at me, from me, like a gift of malice that I’ve opened myself up to accept ‘cause the other option is death.

Sadly, I’ve re-met the sensitive souls who shudder at words as if they’re not just a combination of syllables given abstract meanings based on the cultures and I’m just... I can’t fucking police my own vocabulary for your lily white sensitive ass that can’t take a day of silence without thinking that the world is going to crumble down.

Why does cosplay / nerd stuff attract broken people so much? And people who expect you to tiptoe around their brokeness as if you’re the one who ought to be getting out the dustbin and cleaning up their mess?

I don’t even respect trigger warnings here on tumblr, honestly. It isn’t my job to police the world around you, to keep you safe and swaddled. Protecting you feels like a cage and I never signed up to be caged.

It’s like.. back in fifth grade when I learned of the word ‘queer’. I learnt it from a book, and it meant ‘weird’ back then. And I loved it. I described something to my mum as ‘queer’ when she came to pick me up that day, and she clutched her heart like she was grasping for pearls and went white telling me not to use that word. As if I knew the other meaning, and she wouldn’t tell me. I found that queer that she wouldn’t tell me.

And now I know the other meaning, and I know other people hate it, and I, quite frankly, do not give a damn; queer, queer, queer, queeeeeeeer. Five letters. One word. It has no power over you unless you let it. You’re literally Voldemort-ing the word, giving it more power than it ought to.

I understand that there are words that I, as a white person, cannot use, that other groups can use. I understand that there are words that I, as a queer person, do not want to hear hets use. But I also understand that you’re not privileged to everyone’s stories, and that before you shudder and pull out your calming tea or whatever you do when the real world happens around you, you ought to just shut up and deal with it. Sometimes words you don’t like are still a reclamation for people--

And, yeah. If I walk into a wall, into traffic, cause I can’t walk straight or I can’t see out of one eye ‘cause it’s gone mostly white for over four minutes, I’m probably gonna laugh it off and just go, ‘Oh, it’s okay, I’m just retarded.’

Another reason is, people full on expecting other people to fund their work/income with them having absolutely no cash of their own to fall back on. I met a... friend? Nah, acquaintance, facebook nuisance, recently-ish, and they don’t have a job.

At all.

Cosplay is their job, but their cosplays are... not good. There’s no sugar coating it, really. They do commission work for things, but they haven’t changed with the times and their quality is early 2005-2008 deviantArt felt plushies, if you were around for that.

They whine that they don’t get commissions, but they haven’t tried to step up their game at all, and then get mad when folks selling higher quality items do better than them.

Now, currently, they’ve been accepted to do press at another con, which is cool. You’d expect someone applying for press to have all their stuff together, right?

Nope. Begging for money for ‘accessories’ for their camera so they can do this ‘job’, and so that they can meet a guest. And I’m just... floored by how shameless people can be when they agree to do something and then have no way to back up their own agreement without outside help?

Like, fine. I’ve joked about doing a GoFundMe for my car, I’ve done paid photoshoots, I’ve done some commissions-- but I’m not begging for this. I bought a better camera for shoots before shooting, not begging for cash before hand to take better photos. I could fix my car fully but that’s over two grand and like... eh. Commissions are more fun for me than anything else, I’m not gonna not have food on the table if I don’t get them, y’hear me?

You can’t expect other people to fund your lifestyle, especially when you’re not churning out quality product/content, or when you’re constantly being passive aggressive when people don’t suddenly shower you with cash so that you can indulge in the little things--

--Other people like little luxuries, too.

[scribbleofstars]

The Firebox chapter 1??

    “Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?” Penny asked from my left as she got out her lock picking tools and bent down in front of the old door. The question caused me to scoff and roll my eyes. I gave my scarlet hair a dramatic flip before answering.      “And what? Get real jobs?” I jested, my voice thick with teasing sarcasm.

            “Debbie! Hi. Here’s those papers you wanted! Mike, oh you are such a card.” My voice was mimicking that of an overly happy office worker.      “Oh, shut up. You know what I meant.” Penny replied with a displeased hiss. The harsh tone in her voice caused me to smirk.      “Well, I-“      “Shut your face. It’s unlocked now.” Penny cut me off as a faint clicking noise sounded in the quiet garden air.      I noticed a hint of a smirk in her blue eyes when she looked at me. She then turned and, in one swift moment, got off of her knees and stood at her full height. Her hands were already busy putting her tools in their assigned places. From the look she was giving me, she knew what I was going to do, had she not cut me off.      She probably knew that I was going to say something smart. She probably also knew that whatever I had said would’ve ended up making her mad. I knew, that she knew, that I should probably keep my mouth shut.

    After working with someone like Penny for as long as I have, which would be about ten years give or take, you tend to pick up a few things. One of those things just so happens to be knowing when to shut up.      “Now,” Penny continued, cutting the small moment of silence short. “After you, Lady Melanie,” She requested, putting on an exaggerated British accent to make her point. She then motioned to the door with a small bow, her curly blonde hair falling over her shoulders at the motion.      “Ladies first.”      “Oh no, I couldn’t-“ I tried to deny her. If the inside of that door was trapped, I wanted to have no part of it.      “But I insist!” She threw back, her tone having a slight edge in it.      “Well, I don’t want t-“      “I opened the door, you go in first. Unless,” Penny provoked, adding a small gasp in as if she had just realized something. “You’re. Too. Scared.”       My short fuse was lit.      “Too scared? I’ll show you ‘too scared.’”      Growling slightly, I push past her and throw open the newly unlocked door. My eyes immediately meet blackness as I step into the quiet space, Penny following close behind.        A few steps into the dark and new environment and I pause in my tracks, straining my ears in attempt to pick up any unknown sounds in the small home. The only sounds to be heard were the small imp like chuckles coming from Penny, probably due to the fact that she had tricked me into doing as she wished, the sound of harsh winds tapping at the windows, and the pounding of my heartbeat. Thankfully, my heart was still beating and the doorway hadn’t been trapped. I should probably learn to think things through a bit more.           After a moment or two of Penny and I standing still, or at least as still as we could, I slowly reach and pull the flashlight off of my belt. I take my time at clicking the device on as I was still uncertain about the safety of the room. Who knows, maybe the lady that owns the place had motion censors and would come barreling down the hall, shouting profanities and having murder in her eyes. You could never tell in circumstances like this.          Upon clicking my light on, I discover that we are in the small kitchen of the home. The walls were covered in an ugly yellowed wallpaper and the counter-tops had a thin layer of dust covering the surface. Upon closer inspection, one could see multiple spider webs hanging in the small windows. The sight made me shudder. The thought of spiders almost made me want to run out of there and immediately head back home. But, no. I couldn’t do that. I had a mission to complete.           A mission to do…something. I honestly couldn’t remember.          I whisper to Penny upon my realization.          “What are we here for again?”          Penny allows a small sigh to slip past her lips before replying in a disappointed tone.          “This person has Leah’s hard-drives. They have all her spells on them.”          “Ah, right.” I thanked as we stealthily made our way into the next room.          This room, which happened to be the living room, was just as dusty as the kitchen. The walls were covered in the ugliest green paint I had ever seen, along with some random picture frames that still had the stock photos in them. A small television set stood proud on the farthest end of the room. Surrounding the television set was a couch and a love seat, plus some tables that held a couple of old lamps. Stacks of books were scattered around the floor and shoved into two extremely small bookshelves near the kitchen entrance.             From behind me came another small click and a new flash of light met mine. A disgusted snort sliced through the air signaling Penny’s distaste for the room we were in.           “Gross.” She hissed out while sending the entirety of the room a dirty look. “That wall color with those ugly things?”            Her light was pointed at the couch and love-seat. Both were covered in a light pink and floral patterned cloth and seemed to be extremely well used.           I would’ve agreed with her but I didn’t have the chance to as a harsh wind slapped against the house and shook it, only to be followed by a sharp boom of thunder.         I shrugged it off and scanned the area a small bit more searching for anything that may give a clue as to where the missing hard-drives were. My eyes lightened a small bit when they landed on an open doorway an caught sight of a stairway.         “I’ll take the upstairs. You take the ground floor?” I ask, well more like stated, to Penny in a hushed voice. I wanted to get out of here as soon as physically possible due to the fact that thunderstorms never meant anything good for my family and also maybe because I saw a spider crawl across a window.        Well, that may just be a shadow, but why take the chance?       “Sounds like a plan to me.” Penny agreed before turning into another room with cat like stealth.        There was a hint of uneasiness hidden in her voice, that only trained ears would’ve been able to pick up. I could easily tell that she wanted to leave as soon as she could. She had already done the easy part of the job, unlocking the door. It was always the entering part of ‘breaking and entering’ that took a jab at her morals.      I finally decided that standing in one spot and thinking about my partner in crime would help no one and picked up my feet to pad over to the stairs. Which would’ve been easier, had it not been for the books on the floor creating multiple possible death traps. 

        Once at the foot of the staircase, and away from all of the possible disasters, I find myself shining my light onto the wall and skimming over the scarlet carpet of the steps.  My actions may have looked foolish to someone who was lucky to not have my job, but in my line of work, checking for this stuff was more often than not a life saving thing.         “Alright, lets do this.” I whisper to myself upon finding no traps, secretly hoping that I hadn’t missed anything. I suck in my breath and hesitantly place my foot on the first stair.         The first couple of steps groaned under my full weight, causing me to slam my eyes shut and hold my breath even tighter. After coming to the conclusion that nothing has happened, I allow my breath to release before continuing to face my newest enemy made out of the creaky wooden stairs.

        The walls of the upstairs hallway seemed to squeeze together like a trapped hall in a mummies tomb. There were several times that I felt as if I were about to be squished and turned into Melanie Paste all over the walls and floor. Having the height that I do probably doesn’t help that much.       I ambled down the hall, pressing my ears to doors and checking rooms as I passed them. So far I had checked four rooms, two of which, were closets filled to the brim with towels and extra blankets, that were probably only used during the winter months, and cardboard boxes that were, surprise surprise, coated in dust.         The dust coated boxes seem to have not been disturbed in quite some time, so the chances of the hard drives being in one of them was slim to none.        Across the hall from one of the closets was a guest room that appeared to have been unused for quite some time. But then again, with the amount of dust this house had collected, it all seemed pretty empty. For a second I had wondered if the owner was even home.

   No, I thought. Thinking like that could cause carelessness. Carelessness leads to being killed. 

       The very thought of it focused me back on the task at hand.        The room next door to the guest bedroom contained nothing more than a half-bath. Further down the hall resided two doors and one of those attic stair door things.

Okay, so I have a 50/50 chance of getting this right on the first try. But, if neither doors have what I’m looking for behind them, I’ll have to check the attic. Where the spiders are. Oh joy.

       I lightly shuddered at the thought and moved to stand between the doors at the end of the hall. I stood between the two entrances. Breath held, and flashlight held tighter, I swept my eyes across the two closed entryways before deciding.

       It’s now or never, I told myself as I slowly reached for the door on my left. I firmly grasp the doorknob and silently pray to whichever Gods would listen to my Plea.       “Please don’t let the owner be in here. Oh please, please, please, don’t let the owner be in here.” I silently pleaded before turning the doorknob and sealing my eyes shut. I was being as careful with my movements as someone who disarms bombs for a living. From my point of view, this was a bomb ready to explode.          Once the door was opened I craned my neck in the door before popping one eye open, slightly afraid of what may be found within.        Inside the room was a small home office. Complete with printer, fake office plant, many, many bookshelves, and a computer that seemed to have been sold back in 2005.       “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you.” I quietly cheered. Melanie Lynette Sams may yet see another day! I celebrated in my mind while creeping into the room. Once I was in the room I shone my flashlight around, searching for anything that my be of interest. During my inspection I came across one simple charm placed on the screen of the computer. From the looks of it, and from where it was placed, it was probably used to keep unwanted people from accessing anything on the computer and probably alerts the owner of said device when its being used. Well, that or its a reminder to keep the office clean.         If it was that second one, it isn’t doing its job very well from the look of how cluttered the small space was.       I made a mental note to steer clear of the computer screen and the mouse as to not possibly alert someone that I was in here. I shined my flashlight around the desk area and soon noticed how the desk drawers were slightly open.      Taking my curiosity into my own hands, I slid open the first drawer. The drawer held nothing more than a few random notes, some of which looked to be recipes or ingredient lists for spells, pens, thumbtacks, and other various office supplies. The second drawer, which lightly squeaked as it opened, contained paper for the printer that was sitting on a small side table near the door of the room.        “Alright, what’s behind curtain number three?” I mumble. I was beginning to grow tired, and extremely irritated, of this game of hide and seek.         I swear if they aren’t in here somewhere, I’m going to lose my mind. I reach down and open the final drawer. I felt my anger slowly melt away upon discovering what was inside. The drawer contained not only Leah’s, but multiple other magic users, external hard drives.       “Jackpot.” I smirked, sliding my backpack off of my shoulders and quickly unzipping it. I began stuffing them into the bag as quietly and carefully as possible. I also, may or may not, have taken a couple packs of sticky notes simply because I could.          Once the bag was filled and the sticky notes were safely tucked away in a side pocket, I carefully shut the desk drawers and exited the room.      Time to find Penny and get out of here. I thought as I nearly sprinted down the hall to find my teammate and get the heck out of dodge.

        After almost fumbling down the stairs and tripping over some randomly scattered books, I begin whisper shouting.       “Penny! I got the goods, lets go!”       “Just a second.” Came the reply. I followed the sound of her voice and found my way back into the kitchen where I found Penny rummaging through the dusty cabinets and upsetting the natural balance of the room.        “Penny what are you doing? Let’s go!” I whisper shout once more, urging her to get a move on.         A clap of thunder shook the house once more as I pleaded with her.        “Okay. Okay, I got it. But could you please use your awesome power of height and grab that jar for me real quick?”       “What? No. Why?”       “That is a jar of crushed peppermint. Mary mentioned needing some and I told her I would see what I can do. Getting it now would save a lot of time and money.” She retaliated, staring at me with a look of frustration and authority. Penny may feel bad about entering another’s home without permission, but when it comes to completing a deal with a client, nothing can stand in her way.         “Fine.” I huff and grab the jar, passing it off to her as soon as I could. “Can we go now?”         “Yep.” She smiles, placing the jar into her pretty much empty bag. “Off to Warrior we go.” She snickered at her little joke while placing emphasis on the ‘war’ part in Warrior.        I lightly groaned at her joke.       “Please don’t make that joke again. Also, puns are my thing.”       She only snickered at my words and heads back to the door we entered the home from, her boots lightly clacking on the tiled floor as she walked. I followed her at a quickened pace due to the fact that it would be a thirty minute drive and because the storm outside was getting worse. I could tell from the harsh pellets of rain that slammed against the windows and the sides of the house.        Warrior, if you haven’t already guessed, is the name of my car. It’s called that because its been through quite a few ‘wars’, so to speak.  It’s back bumper is dented in multiple spots and the back windows are chipped in a couple places. Oh, and one of the doors had to be replaced by a blue variation of the same door. And by ‘had to be replaced’, I mean was once ripped off during a full moon because some werewolves can’t seem to take a joke.       “Don’t forget to lock it.” Penny reminds me as she exits the home we just borrowed from.       “Yeah, yeah. I know, I-“ My words were put on pause once my foot made contact with the wet concrete outside the door.       From the edge of my eyesight I could see a feint red string like light piercing through the material of my bag. The light seemed to grow brighter and stronger the closer my bag got to the outside world.      “Oh no.” I groaned and stepped back into the house to check my bag for the source of said red light.      The light appeared to be coming from a sigil written in invisible ink on one of the packs of sticky notes.     “Great.” I sighed, hoping whatever this light meant, it wouldn’t cause anyone else inside the home to awaken.      But, of course, Lady Luck only allowed good things to happen once a day. Not even a second later the kitchen light flashed on and my gaze met with raging emerald eyes.     The woman, who couldn’t be more than 40 or 45, stood tall in her nightgown and bared her teeth at me before beginning a chant of a spell in a language I’d never heard before.     “Fu-“     “Shut up and go!” Penny screeched at me, smacking the package of notes out of my and and shoving me out the door and into the wet surroundings. During some point of that process, she had managed to throw a white powder in the kitchen, effectively coating the area in a thick cloud of dust.      The woman, who had been shouting her spell and pointing milk white fingers at us became confused and broke contact with her target.     Her spell would now be useless.     Penny and I scrambled out of the overgrown garden and straight to Warrior. We threw off our backpacks and tossed them into the back seat before slamming our seat belts on and taking off, tires screeching into the night, leaving behind only an angrily screaming middle aged woman and a packet of unused sticky notes.

[love-killed-the-superstar]

Roses Are Lame, Roses Are Blue: Chapter 8

so, er, there’s really no fucking excuse for this???? except that when i don’t know how to write a chapter i will just procrastinate on it for literally years?? seriously someone just punch me

Title: Chapter 8: Flowers Are Without Hope Pairing: RespectShipping (Ash/Drew) Summary: A/D. Ash and Drew have never had the chance to see eye to eye, mostly due to the two living in the different trainer classes of pokemon trainer and pokemon coordinator. But when Drew proves he's a worthy opponent after winning a battle against Ash, the two find their lives are lacking a rivalry in which the latter respects the former. RespectShipping, M/M, slash.

(Chapter 8 - On Cloud Arcanine. Or, the one where Ash and Drew spend all screen time furiously avoiding looking at each other.)

Read on Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8711638/8/Roses-Are-Lame-Roses-Are-Blue

8: Flowers Are Without Hope

-Kanto Route 5, August 18th, 2005-

“I can't believe this line, May,” Ash grumbled, glancing at the long queue in front of them. “These gourmet cakes of yours better be worth it.”

“Oh, they will be,” May chirped, glancing up from her guide book for a few moments to smile reassuringly. “My guidebook calls it the best bakery around!”

The best bakery around? Ash couldn't say he'd ventured out of Pallet Town much as a kid but he'd never heard of this bakery before, so surely it couldn't be that great. (Unless it was the one that Professor Oak always used to buy those stale cream puffs from whenever Ash and Gary had helped him out with fieldwork in the corral. If it was that bakery he'd rather fight a wild arcanine than choke them down.)

The group were on their way to Saffron City in order for May to start competing in Kanto contests in order to enter the Kanto Grand Festival being held in the Indigo Plateau. Ash was happy for May wanting to explore the region, he really was, but he didn't see why they had to stop at all the dumb places marked in her guidebook. If they rewound a few years and travelled this route with Misty, would they still be stopping at all these places? Ash wasn't sure. Either way, he was more than a little agitated when thinking about all the time they were wasting standing around this crowded joint.

As he shuffled from foot to foot irritably, a strange howl erupted from the clearing behind the bakery, and onlookers watched in amazement as an auburn shape bounded towards them, releasing another growl.

“That's an arcanine!” Ash exclaimed, pulling out his pokedex. Hopefully his updated dex would have new information following Professor Oak's extensive examinations of his grandson's arcanine over the years.

The cries of the public increased as the pokemon grew closer, once again crying out powerfully. With a spring in its step, the fire pokemon leapt gracefully over the group, landing perfectly before continuing to speed off into the distance.

“That was cool!” Max beamed, watching as the large orange figure grew smaller.

“I'd love to catch it,” sighed May, clasping her hands together excitedly. As they continued to watch it, in awe of its speed, a new voice joined the fray.

“Arcanine!”

Ash's eyes widened and he spun round rapidly, a little dizzy.

“Look, it's Drew!”

But why? What was Drew even doing here? The last time Ash had saw him...

Ash watched his closet rival as he chased the minute flaxen shape in the distance, eyes shining, grin confident.

“Go, Flygon, flamethrower!”

With a cry, Drew's pokemon spat out a powerful fire that blazed at the arcanine's feet. With a roar from deep in its belly, the arcanine retaliated with an equally strong attack that streamed from its open jaws.

“Look, Arcanine's using heatwave!” Max gasped, eyes wide. The flygon hastily dodged the attack, unnerved by it. Annoyed by the harassment, the arcanine released a sudden burst of energy, speeding off into the trees.

“What's that?” Ash asked, bewildered.

“Now it's using its extreme speed,” Max observed, unable to tear his eyes away.

“It got away!” Drew stopped in front of the group, fists clenched and teeth grinding. Ash had rarely seen him so wound up over a pokemon... that said, Ash had never seen Drew catch a pokemon before, had he? He supposed the latter would probably want to do some sort of intimate pre-battle routine, bowing at his pokemon before charging in with another freaking petal dance. He doubted he'd expected company at all.

May stared for a few moments, mouth still gaping as she watched the spot where the arcanine had been, before turning to face Brock quizzically.

“So what's extreme speed, Brock?”

“It's an attack that increases a pokemon's speed,” Brock explained simply, “and by using it in battle it will almost always guarantee you the first attack.”

“Only an amateur would ask a question like that, May,” Drew smirked, approaching the group smugly. May frowned but held back from verbally attacking him, simply muttering, “I didn't know you were here in Kanto too, Drew.”

Ash was kind of wondering about that too.

“Real winners can never resist competition,” Drew said, flicking his fringe back, “though that does make me wonder why you're here.”

Don't take the bait, May, Ash grumbled silently.

“Can't you try to be polite?” she snapped, planting on her hips while scowling at the smug-faced coordinator opposite. Drew's smirk deepened.

“I guess this means that you've come to enter the Kanto Grand Festival too, huh?” Brock intervened, frowning a little at Drew, the latter turning his head slightly as he spoke.

“Well, more accurately I'm here to win it.”

“You're in luck for most annoying but I'm winning the festival!”

The competitive banter came to an abrupt halt as Drew reached into his pocket. “Yeah? Think so?” As he spoke, the small golden case he was holding flicked open, revealing a small glossy orange ribbon. “Check it out.”

May gasped, eyes wide.

“Huh? Is that a genuine Kanto contest ribbon?!”

“That it is.”

May groaned, fists clenched.

“I still haven't won a single one of those!”

“Well of course you haven't.” Again with the damn hair flipping, Ash seethed. He was starting to believe Drew did it to hide that he was bullshitting everything. “I'm on my way to catch that arcanine now so I can continue winning my way through Kanto.”

“For your information I'm gonna catch that arcanine!” retorted May, rising to his challenge as usual.

“I'd love to see you try.” He put his hands back in his pockets. “But I'd hate to see you humiliated.”

May stamped her foot in frustration.

“I'm gonna show you!”

Drew's eyes met with Ash's for just a moment, sharp and impossible to read, before he turned back to his flygon.

“Let's go, Flygon. Let's go get that arcanine!”

Without looking back, he began to run, his flygon following suit, and part of Ash felt hollow. It was a simple rivalry behind the scenes, just as it had been before, but... it felt like Drew was being deliberately cold towards him.

Still, he forced a smile. It wouldn't do any good to make his friends worry when May was so fired up about catching this arcanine, and besides, if it meant May wouldn't pick up on the change between Ash and Drew since she'd last seen them both, it was for the best.

“Wow, Drew's flygon is really something else,” Max remarked.

“Who cares?” snapped May. “I'm about to show him something else! And capturing that arcinine will be the perfect way to start!” Ash had to admit, seeing the look on Drew's face if – no, when – May captured the pokemon before him was a satisfying thought.

“Yeah, and we can all help you out!” Pikachu expressed a noise of agreement, and May grinned and took off after Drew.

“Let's go then!”

Max caught up with her quickly and began firing off questions – which pokemon was she planning on using? Did she have a strategy in mind for dealing with arcanine, and did she even know its most common attacks? – Brock fell into step with Ash.

“So,” he said in a low voice. “Drew's in Kanto. Did you know?”

“No,” Ash said shortly. “No, I didn't know where he was going any more than you did.”

“I was just asking,” Brock said quickly. He paused. “Did you two talk, in the end? About everything that happened?”

“Brock, can we not do this now?” Ash interrupted, trying not to raise his voice. “Anything that was happening between me and Drew, it's sorted now. It won't happen again. And bringing it up is only gonna make May suspicious, and right now her heart is set on capturing arcanine.”

Brock watched him silently for a few moments, before shrugging.

“Okay. But later, if you want to talk...”

“I know,” Ash exhaled. “You'll be here. I know.”

…

Most of the morning and afternoon were spent trying and failing to engage in battle with the arcanine. It clearly wasn't looking to partner up with a trainer any time soon, and Ash's patience was waning thin. May was driven, however, and their latest endeavour involved them crouched behind a rock, high up in the mountains.

“So tell me again why we're up here?” Max piped up, also visibly impatient with May's boundless energy.

“Cause this is our last chance,” Ash ground out.

“The old woodsman said Arcanine likes to come up here,” Brock explained. “So if it does we'll have it cornered on the ledge with nowhere else to run!”

“And with no more distractions like pecha berries what could possibly go wrong?” chimed in May, with a look of pure energized determination on her face.

Squirtle uttered a confused grunt, and the group glanced over. Arcanine was making its way towards the edge of the mountainside, and Brock hissed, “There it is!”

“Go get it, May!” urged Ash, half-excited and half wanting the excursion to be over already. He couldn't deny how cool it would be if May did capture the arcanine after all, though. Especially if it meant she had beaten Drew to it.

May stepped forward with Squirtle in her arms, giggling in anticipation, and the arcanine whipped around.

“So, Arcanine, this time you're not getting away!” May began, but at that moment, as per usual, Drew jumped in without missing a beat, landing a few paces in front of May with his flygon in tow. May gasped.

“Go, Flygon!” Drew called, smug determination written all over his face. Something in Ash's blood boiled. A small part of him enjoyed the way Drew's face lit up when he was facing an opponent, but the rest of him despised that even more. This was supposed to be May's victory.

“What are you doing?!” May squeaked out in indignation. “I was here first, Drew!”

“Hardly,” Drew scoffed. “I was up on that ledge since this morning.”

Arcanine, sensing the tension between the two, took that moment to leap over their heads and sprint up the mountainside and out of sight. May groaned as it disappeared from view.

“Great!” she snarled, glaring pointedly at Drew. “Thanks to you Arcanine got away and now neither one of us has it!”

“Please. Like you ever had a chance of catching it anyway.”

“How dare you, Drew!” May burst out, seething. “If you think you're so great let's have a battle right now to see who gets to go after Arcanine!”

Drew reached up to flick his fringe out of his eyes, and Ash fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“Huh! I guess a little warm up practice won't hurt.”

As they got into position, Ash caught Drew's eye.

Just let her have this one, he mouthed. He knew it was unfair – May could fight her own battles, she certainly didn't need his protection – but something inside of him was just begging Drew to show some sort of mercy. Drew stared right through him.

Brock raised his arms.

“Let this one-on-one pokemon battle begin!” he called.

“I'll give you the first move,” Drew said. For a moment, his gaze flickered over to Ash, and Ash found himself relieved. At least Drew wasn't completely blanking him, even if he was, as usual, impossible to read.

“You'll probably regret that,” countered May, fuelled by the urge to one up him. “Squirtle, start with tackle!”

Inwardly, Ash groaned.

“Why'd she start off with that?!” he asked aloud.

“And all Drew has to do is...”

“Go, Flygon, fly!”

Flygon easily dodged the attack, and Ash fought the urge to bury his face in his hands.

The battle ended badly and Drew, determined to one up May, was the first to reach the top of the mountain. Once they discovered the nest, they weren't sure where to go from there, but Team Rocket had, as usual, interrupted and captured the entire family of pokemon.

Ash seriously wondered if Team Rocket had any other hobbies besides gatecrashing their travels.

Surprisingly, Drew had stuck around to help, and his flygon had burst Team Rocket's balloon, sending them hurtling into the brush below. The group chased Team Rocket to where they crashed, the growlithe cubs and arcanine still trapped in the net, and both Ash and Brock reached for their pokeballs.

“We got them! Let's go, Brock!”

“Right!”

May interrupted.

“Wait.”

Ash stopped in his tracks, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Let Drew and I finish it up this time,” she said with a grin.

Drew's eyes met Ash's.

“Yeah, since we were the ones who started this whole thing off.”

Ash, surprised and just relieved Drew was talking to him at this time, didn't need much convincing.

“All right, it's all yours!”

Drew turned away quickly, and the moment was over.

“Come on, Flygon, we gotta rescue Arcanine!” He stabbed a finger towards Team Rocket. “Steel wing the net!”

Flygon cut the net down easily, and May and Drew engaged in a double battle against Team Rocket. Between calling out attacks, the two were complimenting each other on their form, and Ash felt a twinge of something in his chest. Jealousy, maybe? Loneliness? Longing? At this point, he couldn't sort out one feeling from another when it came to Drew. Everything turned into a cluster of messy emotions.

As Flygon took out Jessie's dustox with a flamethrower, Ash felt himself being drawn into the battle, like a dance.

“Yeah!”

“Those two are a great team!” he exclaimed.

“Even though their styles are totally different they work well together,” Brock remarked.

Were they all that different? Ash had always seen an eerie similarity to their fighting styles, even if their attitudes, training methods and the way they presented in contests were polar opposites. He was sure they would both hate being compared to one another, but Ash didn't necessarily see it as being a bad thing – in fact, it reminded him of Gary, and how the two of them had been like opposite sides of a coin, different and yet somehow the same.

Rivals. That was how he'd see it. Different and yet tethered together.

After Team Rocket were blasted off, the group stood for a while watching Arcanine groom its cubs. Ash turned to May.

“There it is. So, did you change your mind about catching it?”

May nodded.

“Yep.” She turned to Drew. “Well, go ahead...”

Drew shook his head slightly, still with that damn smile.

“As much as I think I could win with it, I don't wanna break up a happy family.” He hummed, brushing his fringe away from his face once more. “So I'll let them be.”

How generous, Ash thought dryly. May seemed satisfied with his response, and they all watched as the arcanine led its litter away.

…

“Hey.”

Drew turned to see Ash standing a few feet from him, fists clenching and unclenching with nerves. They had trailed back to the bakery May had suggested earlier for a victory snack, and the two of them had left to use the bathroom while May, Max and Brock queued. Only, Drew realised, it had been a ploy on Ash's part to get him alone.

“Can we not do this now?” he muttered.

“We have to. Drew, we need to talk,” Ash said, pushing his hair back self-consciously. “I... I thought you might call me one of these days. It's been weeks, you know, since we last talked.”

Drew's eyes narrowed.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“We need to talk about this, you know? I'm sorry things went so weird on the phone last time. I didn't want it to be that way, it's just... I was freaked out. My mom found out about us, and I didn't know what to do. It made me realise how mixed up my feelings were, how bad the timing was. If I knew you were going to Kanto too...”

“What, you would have arranged a dinner date?” Drew snapped. “Get real, Ash. This was never going to work, was it? I don't know why I held on to some kind of hope that things would get better between us.”

“I want things to!” Ash pleaded. “I want us to be how we were before – before things got all weird and intense! Why can't we just be rivals for a while again, and see where it goes from here? Please, I don't want to lose what we have.”

“You can't lose something that was never there to begin with,” Drew said sourly. “No one knows about this rivalry, so is it even real?”

“Stop trying to shut me down with, with psychology or whatever,” burst out Ash, fuming. “I believed in you as my rival, even if we kept it a secret. I learned from you. You made me interested in contests! You're telling me none of that was real? How could I feel these things if there was no rivalry at all?!”

“Then why don't we just tell them? Why not just admit that we're rivals?”

Ash frowned.

“What do you mean? I... I thought you liked that this was something private.”

“Why does it have to be?” Drew countered. “I mean, you never thought it was weird that we were keeping it hidden from them? But I'm the stupid one for reading into it, right?”

“That's not what I'm saying!” Ash interrupted. “Of course I don't think that! But... but we kept it a secret before these feelings started coming up, don't you see? It's always been about improving each other, opening our eyes to other ways of battling and training! I don't get why that has to change?”

“It would be so easy to just tell her, Ash.” Drew's voice was flat. “We could tell May we're rivals too. Right here, right now, we could tell her together. It would be so simple.”

“You know she wouldn't like it,” Ash said in a defeated voice.

“She'd get over it. You two aren't my only rivals, and I know for a fact I'm not yours. One of these days May will find someone else to call her rival, too.” Drew's eyes bore into Ash. “Why can't we just be honest with her?”

“She's so pumped just being with you. I don't want to ruin it,” he said desperately. “But I don't want to end what we have either, Drew. Please.”

“I've kept quiet for you, Ash. You don't want them to know about our rivalry – you're ashamed of the feelings we have! I'm... I'm done being your secret.” Drew stared at him coldly, and then looked down. “Until next time.”

“Drew, come on!”

Drew headed back to queue with May, and Ash hung back in defeat, standing beside Brock with enough intensity to burn down the place. If Brock sensed something had happened, he didn't say a word.

They didn't speak a word to each other for the remainder of the afternoon.

…

The sun was beginning to set, and Brock mentioned about setting up camp.

“Well then, I guess this is goodbye,” Drew said, glancing between the group. His eyes lingered on Ash for just a beat longer, and then he quickly turned back to May again.

“Until we meet again, at least,” she said with a laugh.

Drew took a step forward.

“You know, there's a contest coming up in Saffron City I think you should enter.”

May blinked.

“I hadn't heard anything about it... why, are you entering?”

Drew smirked.

“Nah, I have to focus on finding a new pokemon to strengthen my team first. But I think you'd do really well in it.”

He began to walk away, refusing to look back.

“Well, thank you, Drew!” May called after him. He offered a wave without turning around, and then disappeared into the woods.

“What a poser,” Ash muttered, and Max snickered as May nudged him on the arm crossly.

The evening was uneventful, but the shared looks and things left unsaid lingered in Ash's mind as they ate dinner and did some evening training, finding a clearing where they could see late evening stars beginning to twinkle. They set up camp in the woods, and Brock took a seat beside Ash while May and Max finished their food and got ready for bed.

“So, wanna talk about what happened today?”

“There's nothing to talk about, Brock,” Ash sighed. “You saw. We barely said a civil word to each other.”

“That's the part that stumped me, honestly.” Brock squeezed his shoulder. “Have you worked out... whatever's going on between the two of you?”

“No. Actually, I think things have gotten worse. We agreed to go back to how we were, but... it's different, I can tell.” He looked away and muttered, “I don't think he's even planning on talking to me, if he can help it. We argued earlier.”

“He didn't take it very well, then?” Brock asked flatly.

“Take what very well?”

“That you aren't interested in a relationship.”

“Brock, it's not that I wasn't, you know, interested in him, and being with him,” Ash said, brow furrowed in frustration as he tried to choose his words carefully. “But, all it was doing was making things tense for us, and tense for May and Drew. So I told him I wanted to just be rivals, for now. It's not a decision I rushed, but... the way we've both been acting, I think he thought I was going to say yes.”

Brock exhaled.

“I had no idea you felt that way about him, you know. I'm sorry you couldn't talk to me about it until things got bad.” Ash frowned up at him. “What are you talking about, Brock? That isn't on you. I didn't even know what was happening until it got to that point. I've never felt these kind of things before. How could I know it was... well, a kind of love?” “I thought you and Misty would always end up together, truthfully,” Brock said with a laugh. “I thought when we were travelling I was watching young love unfold. You were really oblivious to it all?”

“Me and Misty?!” Ash's eyes bugged out. “Sorry to burst your bubblebeam there, Brock, but Misty used to tease me like I was her kid brother! Sure, we got along fine, but...”

“Well, have you ever had a crush on a girl?” Brock asked.

Ash shrugged.

“Not that I can think of? I don't know what that makes me. I don't see any point in using labels and stuff right now. It's not productive, is it?”

“Guess not.” Brock hummed to himself, deliberating on something for a few moments, before speaking up again. “You know, I thought Lance was cute, that time we met up with him.”

Ash turned to stare at him. “You did?”

Brock nodded, and cracked a smile. “Like you said, you don't have to put a label on what you feel. But if you want my advice, I think you should call him. Smooth things over.”

Ash stared down at his pokedex.

“I don't know about that, Brock. I think he's upset with me.”

“All the more reason to, then. Tell him what you told me, about the timing being bad and just wanting things to be simple. If he knows where he stands, the both of you will surely bounce back from it.”

Brock patted him on the shoulder and rose to his feet. “I'm going to bed, but promise me you'll sort things out?”

“I'll try,” Ash muttered. “He's not the easiest guy to talk to.”

With a wave, Brock headed back to where May and Max were sitting in their sleeping bags and climbed into his own. Ash headed a little deeper into the forest, and dialled Drew's pokedex code. He fiddled with his fringe, half-wondering if there was any point making himself presentable for this conversation, but half wanting Drew to find him attractive over his crappy pokedex facecam.

On the fourth ring, Drew answered. His hair was slightly ruffled, either from sleep or from recently flying, and he was in lodgings that looked like a typical pokemon centre room.

“Hey.”

“I told you goodbye,” Drew deadpanned.

“I know. But, but we need to talk properly, Drew. I'm sorry things got out of hand. But you're not ditching the Saffron City contest because of me, are you? I won't talk to you, if that's what you need to hear. I don't want to stand in your way.”

Drew scoffed.

“Don't flatter yourself. I wasn't planning on going anyway.”

“Drop the smug bullshit for a second, will you?” snapped Ash. “Why do you care so much about telling May, all of a sudden? Up until today you've been fine keeping it between the two of us. Whether it's romantic or not, I don't see why we have to involve anyone else.”

“You're ashamed of me, Ash,” Drew said harshly, silencing him instantly. “I won't be kept around at your convenience. I get that you think you're being noble and sheltering May, but someone was always going to get hurt. It just sucks you'd rather make me pay than just tell her the truth about us.”

“Drew, you're her first rival,” Ash said pleadingly. “If I tell her, it'll screw with her confidence.”

“You think she doesn't already know on some level?” Drew asked sharply. “Ash, she knows we've spent time together away from her, she knows I've given you at least one rose, and she knows that I get in your head. She's been putting the pieces together for months, can't you see that?”

Ash shook his head slowly, feeling the colour draining from his face.

“If she knows, why doesn't she just ask?”

“The same reason you won't just tell her, I suppose.” Drew's voice was quiet, but harsh. “Maybe it's cause she just doesn't wanna know. She's your damn friend, you figure it out.”

“You aren't being fair,” Ash protested.

“No?” Drew's eyes flashed. “I've been patient. I've given you time to sort through your feelings, I haven't run to May to reveal our big fucking secret! Now it's your turn to give me some time to get through this. I can take you not reciprocating my feelings. I can handle rejection, but when you won't even admit to your friends that I'm your damn rival? Why would I want to be stuck in a rivalry like that in the first place?”

Ash held the phone so tightly his fingers hurt.

“I don't want you to give up on us, Drew,” he whispered. “Please.”

Drew dragged a hand through his hair, looking truly exhausted.

“I can't do this right now, Ash. If I have to wait around for you to figure out what the hell you want from me, I'll never go anywhere. Just let me be until the next time we meet.”

“Please-”

The call ended, and Ash gripped his phone in despair.

“Fuck,” he mumbled, burying his face in his hands. “Damn you, Drew.”

[pennatheistgirl]

I’ve Been an Atheist A Lot Longer Than I Thought

[And that’s why I agree with Penn so very often]

I was raised a Catholic in a conservative town. All of my friends were either Catholic, Jewish, Mormon, and every other religious group known to man. Not once did I ever meet an atheist growing up, I firmly believe the first atheist I ever met was me. This goes way back to when I was seven years old. I played every sport as a kid. Soccer, basketball, volleyball, tennis, swim team, you name it. This story is from the basketball era of 2004-2006. Specifically, the early summer of 2005. 

I don’t remember much from this year, other than it was a program called “Upward” and a heavily Christian one at that. Basically, we played at a local church court and prayed a lot and gave out participation trophies, all that good stuff. For each year of the program, a music album was made to play at games to hype everyone up, or something. It was called “Scriptunes” (no joke, that’s actually a clever name) and had about ten songs based off of bible verses. I, of course, had a favorite one. It was the song that most resembled rock (an ongoing theme in my youth, and no wonder why I’m now a metalhead) and I only just recently figured out the name of the song, because growing up I thought it was literally just called “Acts 17:24.” Turns out it was named “Lord of Heaven and Earth.” Seven year old Lazer was obsessed with this song, and I think that continued until I was about 14. What can I say, good music sticks with you.

At first, I just blindly loved this song. I learned all of the lyrics, and would annoyingly belt it out from my crap CD player, you know, the ones that didn’t work unless you held them at the right angle. I can recite that song at any given moment (although, I’ll have to work hard to counteract the melody of the song, since it’d be weird to recite the tune) So, with perfect vocal control, I’ll lay down my favorite verse as a child. “The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of Heaven and Earth and does not live in temples built by hand.” (Acts! Seventeen twenty-four! Acts! Seventeen twenty-four!) You can look up the song and see why it’s so catchy.  

Seven year old Lazer didn’t really know what it meant, but over the next few years I began to interpret it a very personal way, and in hindsight, a strongly atheist point of view. Having never met an atheist, I was none the wiser. I believe this was the same year I started going to horse camp. The program I loved was a weeklong overnight camp, and we got to ride horses pretty much twice a day. This camp was also home to a Christian college, and the camp was also very religion-heavy. Praying before every meal, praying before every trail ride, praying all of the time because why the fuck not? I was never down with the whole freelance-praying thang cause being a Catholic meant you only had to memorize the Hail Mary, the Lord’s Prayer, and saying Grace, and you’d be set for life. So, I never participated in praying. 

Another thing we did was have a campfire every night, and we’d listen to testimony after testimony from counselors and our activities director (who I believe is the kindest person I’ve ever met) And you guessed it! Jesus songs, because after all, we were at Jesus camp. But, none of those songs every thrilled me the way my song did in 2005. Over the next few years of horse camp, we’d sometimes post our favorite bible verses on our beds, or make little crafts to show around with them inscribed onto it, and the whole time my favorite verse was Acts 17:24. It never changed. Over years and years, until I was 15, it never changed. It was when I started working at the camp myself that I was asked to explain why it was my favorite verse. (How I went this long without being asked that I have no idea) And lo and behold, my response was a telltale sign of an atheist (I had still never met one in person)

Basically, I thought the verse was directing me to put my faith in people instead of relying on places or constructs to hold my faith steady. God “does not live in temples built by hand.” I had never heard someone say the next sentence, and it was of my own creation. “I don’t need to go to church every week, or buy a new bible, or have a rosary, because I am constantly surrounded by christ, because He is in people, not those material things.” 15 year old Lazer was insightful as hell. I told myself that for years. I never believed in Sunday mass, because I thought it was weird for people having to constantly go to church to affirm their ongoing faith. If they believed in God, why did they have to go to church every week? Were they secretly scared they’d magically lose their faith if they went a whole week without listening, preaching, or praying for God? That, was the first sign of an atheist viewpoint. I had still never met an atheist. After that, until I was about 18, I constantly questioned God. I hated being forced to go to church, I hated having to go to Sunday school, I hated how everyone I knew treated my queer friends and my trans brother (not well at all) and I soon learned to hate any mention of religion. I was slowly becoming aware that religion was being shoved down my throat, and I’d had enough. Then I actually met another atheist. (this is where the story gets good)

It starts out with me watching Whose Line is it Anyway? I binged the entire second era and started seeing ads for another CW show, “Penn & Teller: Fool Us.” I then fondly remember watching their special “Off the Deep End” Back in 2006, when I was 8. I had kept up with them as closely as an 8 year old could. It was hard since my parents thought the internet was evil and they thought Penn & Teller were not “kid-friendly” (they weren’t entirely wrong) However, I learned Penn was a juggler, and that week I taught myself how to juggle with little balled up socks. I don’t know how I did it, but little Lazer had crazy good hand-eye coordination and I learned how to juggle in like, two hours, then I just had to get REALLY good at it. I could juggle for an hour straight, and after I got real juggling bags I could do it for two hours.

Ok back to the present. I’m seeing ads for Fool Us and decide to watch back all of the episodes (I’d seen a few in the past) and by the time I got to season two I was obsessed. These guys are the silliest and most talented performers I’ve seen, and thanks to YouTube I almost immediately learned that they were skeptics, and Penn is a die-hard atheist. The thing that really got me going, is that my ideology on religion was quite similar to his. Penn has a lot of faith in people, and not in everyone’s favorite imaginary friend in the sky. He made me realize that I can take Jesus, God, and all religion out of the equation. My belief that there was God in some people, was easily transformed into something simpler. That there is unequivocal goodness in people. Some people are just good people. Christians will say they are “Christlike” and other religions will put them on a pedestal of equal value. I just think they are good.

My history of being a theist ends on the same day I became an atheist. The day prior I had spoken briefly with the men of the hour, Penn Jillette and Teller. The day everything changed for me was after I had seen their show in Las Vegas. After running down the aisles and out into the lobby, they stick around and talk to anyone that wants to meet them after the show. I wanted Penn to sign his book Presto! as a memento to take home, and while my dad got the signatures (without me? I know, but I was talking to Teller so I didn’t want to interrupt Teller to go tell my dad to wait) Teller signed a torn card prop that he ran offstage to give me during the show. I said thank you and goodbye to Teller (I was the last person he talked to of the meet and greet crowd) and I ran over to Penn and waited very timidly so I could also talk to him. I ended up being the last person, which was weird because there’s usually a handful of people that want to be the “last” person for some reason. I was just waiting around for my turn and I happened to be the last. Penn comes over to me and I get the chance to tell him a single sentence. (In my head I swear it was way more than that but what came out was pretty suffice) I tell him “I was raised in a Catholic family, but because of you I’m an atheist and I appreciate you so much for that.” I was instantly teary eyed because the look Penn gave me was so extremely loving and supportive that in that moment, I realized that he might be the only one to respond to that sentence in that way. Most of my peers are definitely not going to have a warm welcome to me telling them I’m an atheist. He gave me a very tight hug (he probably realized my right-wing-freak of a dad was the one standing behind me taking a video. Also, that video is adorable as hell.) Then we swiveled around to take a picture and he pulled me in tight and rested his head on top of mine. Pretty cute stuff.

Um, yeah that about does it. Penn was the first person I came out to, and I’m glad to know that was a turning point. Among other things (these two have inspired me in a huge way since I was a kid) this was the one moment I felt I could move on from my entire life of being a Catholic, and I can just be me, nothing else. I don’t feel like I have to identify with any religion anymore. I’d like to end this story with something along the lines of “they hugged and Lazer lived happily ever after!” because I know that there’s hard times ahead that will come and go, but I also want to end with an important message for kids my age and younger that I wish I was told growing up. That is, you don’t have to be religious. I always thought if I wasn’t a Catholic, then what was I? The answer was never “non-religious” because of course, that meant you had to turn away from God or something. Bottom line, you’re not turning away from anything. You’re turning towards reality, common sense, and unconditional love and trust. You’re only leaving those shitty dogmas behind.

- Lazer, September 11, 2017