#unemployment is getting to me man
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Yeah I'm still thinking about this interview cause it was honestly such a weird experience. By the time the interview was over it was pretty clear that the owner did not want to hire me, since he kept talking about his "perfect team" and how serious his gym was and his big ambitions for the store, but he was also very intense about my qualifications. I knew going in that I would have to sell myself a bit harder than someone who looked more like a gym employee would be expected to look so I was going out of my way to point out how my previous low-intensity job was great experience for working in a gym, emphasizing my skills with managing stock, cleaning, and customer service and dealing with conflict. The only question I majorly fucked up was "what do you know about this company." From there it's all just little mismatches in what we're looking for. I'm looking for a job that pays for my food, he's looking for employees that can make up his perfect team for his high-end business. He even pitched to me his business goals and strategy after I fucked up the company question and tbh my opinion of him plummeted after he said "we cater especially to people looking to bulk up or loose weight" because ohhhh the two genders of body dysmorphia okay I see how you view fitness now.
Idk this was just a very draining interview and I was kinda hoping it would go better so I wouldn't have to keep applying for jobs because that shit is seriously draining.
Had a job interview at a gym today. Aced the customer service questions but not sure if I quite fit the vibe of "ultra serious gym for ultra serious gym-goers" the owner was going for. Being a 5-foot-nothing twink with an art degree, at least 1 mental illness and a moderately healthy view of one's body doesn't exactly scream "passionate about fitness."
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as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi
#pennforyourthoughts#personal#someone rb this with silly tags i feel it deserves some levity#warning: novel-length tags lmfao#THEY TOLD ME TODAY MY LAST DAY IS FRIDAY? that's only two whole workdays for me HELLO??#knew it was coming bc they let my friend go two weeks ago and he had more seniority than me but jfc#at least let me ride out the contract till november. WHY. i JUST went back to uni i need money goddamn it#full disclosure tho i haven't been able to stop laughing bc so much of the surrounding circumstances are insanely funny to me#1) i was LITERALLY at a job fair yesterday and I almost considered not going bc I was so damn tired#surprisingly made some really great connections so ty universe now i have people to poke in the coming months#2) i switched from part time to ft course load at the last second and have been regretting it ever since but if im to be unemployed then#MAYBE now I can actually handle the uni workload :D#3) when my boss called me she asked how ive been and i told her i was sooo sick last week and got into a car accident#that same day omw back from uni (universal karma for skipping class for my health ig)#THE WAY SHE PAUSED ON CALL IS SO FUNNY IN RETROSPECT. was prolly thinking fuck. now i have to add to this#she literally went “omg im so sorry...anyways i have bad news”#im not even lying when i say i was GIGGLING through that whole call she was so concerned#love her bc she genuinely tried to fight for me and is the reason i wasn't let go two weeks ago but man. the timing is impeccable#also don't think i get any unemployment benefits bc i was temp contract and my situation as a whole is a bit complicated so YAY :DDD#the way i ran to my bestie to spill the tea & we're over here like 🤝 fired buddies 🤝 time to speed run job interviews while juggling uni
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Jobs that pay real money
Remote jobs that are actually remote
Remote jobs that actually pay money
Work from home jobs that don't hate me
Remote jobs for people who want to exchange their labour for money
WFH jobs actually hiring now
#please somebody help me#i fucking hate job applications#months and months of job listings that are bullshit#into recruiter bullshit#into 20 emails a morning about “we moved on with another candidate”#into “unemployment insurance denied”#into “this job is AVAILABLE but you have to work in the Racism Factory making Orphan Generating Missiles for like $12/hr#into 30 minutes skills test for an entry level job#into grammer and language tests??? for a programming job??? that you will not get even with a 100% score on arbitrary ass tests#into running out of savings#but “nobody wants to woro these days”#like i have a family to feed man im willing to do activities that generate revenue mab COME ON
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#top ten moments ever. when my friend who is a trans man but does not experience dysphoria and is feminine#was trying to get me out of my year long funk and push me to apply for jobs#and told me i was becoming unemployable by waiting so long#and that i had to start feminizing myself and get over my dysphoria to ever get a job#he then proceeded to joke that we should go back to the good ol days when trans egyptian men just lived as women and died miserable#smells a lot like internalized transphobia too sure but that's literally neither my fault nor my problem. peace and love#that conversation was in.....i wanna say march#haven't seen him since. don't plan on ever seeing him again#đź’ż
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strikes are good strikes are great i am 100% in support of a general strike but also you cannot guilt trip random individuals for not participating in a general strike because not everyone can afford the lost wages. like it’s brutal out here some of our employers do illegal strike retaliation like it’s nbd and the unions have a hard time suing them because the employer holds too much power and is tied to the government :( some employers have enough money that they can just do illegal retaliation because when something is punished by a fine, it’s basically legal if you have the funds for it
#even in a union-sanctioned strike. my strike pay is 30% of my normal pay. and i gotta pay rent utilities and groceries for two people#and i’m still paying the university back for the wages they paid me during last years strike#like man i’m already in debt to my#employer idk if i can do a prolonged general strike. striking for a month last year has brought financial hardship this year :/#also not everyone lives somewhere where general strikes are protected by law#i’m just feeling very :( because this is so much bigger than any individual person but also i cannot lose wages or lose my job?#idk where to draw the line because i cannot afford unemployment i cannot pay rent or eat or get medications if i lose my job or lose wages#does anyone have advice lmao
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groupie behavior from me honestly
#status update#if i was a braver man i would’ve done the soyjak face but there were people looking at me so i chickened out#the flight was only $100 round trip you can’t get mad at me#this whole thing cost me 2 unemployment checks total
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that's it. im writing a suicide note on linkedin
#bheart talks#suicide tw#this is a joke but indicative of how much im GOING THROUGH IT#been making an effort not to talk about personal stuff online anymore but FUCK dude#whats the point of meds and therapy if im still broke as shit#these meds wont help me pay the bills man fuck all of this i have to wait 2 weeks#to adjust the doses every time and something happens in thsoe two weeks#that sends me off the rails spiraling with a hundred new problems#i can only see my therapist for one hour once every two weeks and i just#cant say everything and honestly idk what im even supposed to be DOING there#she just says nice things to me and i waste time talking so much and then time runs out#and i walk away with basically nothjng#and i just realized they o ly prescribed me 30 pills of ritalin instead of 60#so now i have to ration these until i can get more#meanwhile i cant get hired anywhere and my job has cut my hours so bad i only got %7#i only got $70 for my paycheck#im not going to fucking make it this month#i have no car insurance no food in the house no gas in the car and no hours to work#i applied for unemployment but it's taking forever to figure out#im hemorrhaged#im doing bad im doing bad im doing bsd#literally bg3 is the only thread im hanging by this is literally the only thing keeping me together#unsure where id be without it. definitely somewhere worse thats for sure.
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i will never neither forgive nor understand why the world works around morning peoples hours mmm
#aka i just got a text that they will be calling me tomorrow regarding my unemployment stuff at 9.30am and im like#ma'am do you really have to im probably not gonna be able to sleep before four so getting up for nine is going to kill me#and i could ask for another time but knowing this time of the year they are really busy (already took them a week to contact me)#so the next time could go who knows where ugh#just gotta try to somehow be awake and operational i guess. man i hate this#anxiety and insomnia my beloathed <3#so glad both of these flared up again immediately after i got off from work asdfghjkl#anyways thats how todays gonna go so i dont think im brave enough to rewatch battle of the belts :')#night is an absolute mess on main
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#wak#negative /#tag vent /#man.. why is everything so draining#like.. fr it seems like I can't do Anything for an extended amount of time without burning out and wanting to quit#like. when I was little it was my absolute dream to be able to do nothing but draw all day every day but#now as an adult the thought of it stresses me out and makes me sick to my stomach#I used to get so excited about getting commissions but#now every time I see that someone's commissioned me I just dread doing it as if it's something I'm getting graded for in two days#(note that this isn't a slight against people who've commed me by any means. if you've commed me you're a saint)#(but. that's just how I feel and I wish it wasn't)#which is why comms are closed rn and idk when I'm opening them back up#rn I'm doing commission-based editing/proofreading work for a small publishing comp#something that I Also once aspired to do full-time#but.. I'm already kinda getting tired of it? probably bc my current project is 140+ pages that I have to get done in two weeks#like.. it's not Bad and I'm not quitting (I don't have a choice anyway. this is the closest thing I have rn to a consistent-ish job)#but it.. just gets less fun w every manuscript and I hate that#and like... whenever I go out no matter where I am I just want to go back home#I have no 'dream job' anymore. I have no goals. I don't want to go places or do things I just want to be home sleeping#but. as we all know that's not an option in the capitalist hellscape we live in#hell... even if we Didn't live in the hellscape it probably still wouldn't be an option lol#and of course my mom will not hear any of it and just thinks I'm being spoiled and lazy and 'using my aut as an excuse'#and most people including supposed '''''leftists'''' would probably agree with her too#bc 95% of '''"radical communists''''' on here are Adults Aren't Allowed To Exist Outside Of Working And That's How Things Should Be truther#who vocally treat unemployment as a moral failing and as a Bad Person Trait™ inbetween making Capitalism Bad posts#but I'm getting offtopic. Maybe I Am Useless And Lazy And A Leech Or Etc#but what I'm trying to say is I feel like I'm going to be miserable and feel like just a machine no matter what I do#and like I'm never going to have a happy or fulfilling life#and that my only option is to go to sleep never wake up and hope I'm reborn with no mental illnesses or trauma and into a rich family#but.. fat chance.
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I thought the october curse was gonna be skipped this year based on the fact I got a job on the first day but like. it turns out that was the bad luck disguising itself at good news and it's just another normal october
#i think a lot about how july 2020 was mediocre and july 2021 was one of the worst months of my life#and i made it known that i didn't trust july anymore. and it must've taken that as constructive criticism and my god it listened to me#bc then july 2022 was one of the best months of my life#and the two julys since have been pretty good as well#like that is so nice from july what a good friend#CANNOT say the same for october. like since 2014 every single one has been significantly terrible (except 2015 and maybe 2018)#2014 depressed. 2016 no friends depressed. 2017 giving nothing. 2019 dropped from what was a really good year#2020 like every mental illness known to man. 2021 All the horrors happening at once. 2022 the aromantic's worst nightmare#2023 was just awful#and then 2024's theme is having an absolutely miserable job after like 15 months of unemployment#i only get 3 days off and i can't even enjoy them bc i know what they're leading to#my shifts are too short to be allowed breaks but way too long for that to be comfortable#there've been times the day before a shift when i think about going and end up feeling nauseous and that's never even happened before lol#i get paid in like week apparently so i might try and wait until then but like#also the worst part is it's basically what i did when i was 17 (kitchen porter/assistant/whatever) so i keep comparing them#except there were parts of that job i enjoyed like the dishwasher and the cool shower looking tap and doing the plates and cutlery etc#and also the people i worked with. and the shifts weren't too bad. and i had a glorious hyperfixation#anyway this job is none of those things it's actually all the things i specifically disliked about the other one lol#i miss the dishwasher she was so cool. i miss the hyperfixation i had in 2017 (but when do i not)#but yeah i guess the only advantages of this job is I'll have money again and it's more motivation to look for another job#once again wishing i was 17 bc she wasn't happy and had no friends or aim in life but she listened to a lot of music so#idk why i always get addicted to 2017 nostalgia maybe bc it was such a mediocre year#like if i start wishing I was 13 or 15 or 19 or 22 I'm just gonna get depressed bc they were so good#but there's no reason for me to want to be 23 or 20 or 16 or 14 bc like. what is there to want about those#but 17 is so average it's like a low enough standard or something idk. anyway#ramble
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i have literally been left for three hours with nothing to do, this internship is a fuckin’ joke
#watch her come back and say there’s so much that needs done#and then get distracted again without telling me what it is#i can’t even go ask her cos she’s on a phonecall#learn how to delegate lady#fuckin hell man#thank fuck there’s only one more week here#unemployment is better than this shit#at least with unemployment i can watch one piece when i have nothing else to do
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what's the fucking point
#sincerely Why Do I Even Fucking Bother At All#kazoo noises#library travails#alex from class applied to that job anyway and lord knows she wont get it either#jesus i fucking hate it here sometimes#no work done. no mood improvements. fuck All.#constantly caught between the understanding that I Wasn't Making It To Interviews Anyway and also the fact that If I Keep Operating Like#This It Actually Might Fucking Kill Me#it sucks man. i fucking let myself wither and suffer through my undergraduate especially my last year with the understanding of following#my reasonable maybe solidly middle of the middle class dreams in graduate school#and i barely survived my first year of my two year program.#and now ive got a dead end grocery store job and literally no fucking hope#its incredible#and i don't want to do anything else so like. now what.#unemployable. uninterviewable. all im going to have if i am lucky is some fucking debt and a masters degree that does me fuck all because i#don't have experience im supposed to get in graduate school#christ#yeah im still mad about my friends complaining about their fucking library jobs. its not anyones fault but im still upset and its almsot 2a#and im gonna continue fucking everything up tomorrow when i cancel plans with my friend
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two weeks sober but at what cost lmao
#im turbofucked man this shit sucks#unemployment told me to go fuck myself btw pay us seven thousand dollars#sorry the job market's dogshit btw u gonna pay us that money tho???#hoping i can get this appealed otherwise i think i might just hop off a bridge lmfao
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#came off my ssri 2 months ago now and man the consequences of my actions still coming for me#i came off them more because it was like well im in a better place to manage myself now haha how time changes#and mostly bc them being tied in my prescription for adhd meds it was impossible to even get citalopram bc my script would get rejected#and i kept running out and having to ration my citalopram so its like fuck it just come off it then#all i wanted was to have emotions back and ever since all I’ve felt is the wide range of misery#i wanted joy and laughter and imagination back and all I’ve got is physical anxiety and misery#it doesnt help that I’ve just had an absolute fuck of a time with work#left my og job for a more specific job that could work for OT or Art psychotherapy but had to leave after a month#then i spent just shy of 3 months on unemployment doing my best to keep my head above water fighting benefits system#all to be in another assistant job feeling like an absolute idiot day to day the team is a huge clique and i don’t know whats going on#i spend all my off time sitting in dread about going back to work#and the worst part is i cant even just go back on citalopram because i cannot put on anymore weight#im bigger than a whale im bigger than a house im so fucking huge I’ve never been this huge and its so hard to lose weight#im in such a miserable headspace all i wanted was to just feel my happiness not being stunted anymore#and i don’t know the last time i felt a sustained amount of joy
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Even just half-heartedly looking for work as someone who is legally blind, autistic, with no highschool diploma, GED, or degrees and who can't leave the house is a very specific kind of let-down and disappointment that just really makes a person depressed.
#irl#vent#suicidal ideation#i am a money sink and a financial burden and trying to look for ways to fix that turns up nothing!!!#society abandons those who cannot work!!! and i sure do seem to be unemployable!!!#like#i would need a work from home job that doesnt require a highschool diploma ged or a degree that i can do as someone who is legally blind#at the LEAST#even just being a cashier at pet smart requires a fucking highschool diploma!!! and i cant even do that sort of work anymore!!!#i dont have any fancy little talents or areas of expertise either!!! i cant code i suck at source work i cant do graphic design!!!#what am i supposed to do#can someone just like put me down like a sick animal or smth at this point#because i feel like all i amount to at this point is a burdensome and childish good for nothing waste of space#and an additional source of stress and disappointment for everyone who has ever cared about me or had hopes for my future#sincerely feel like everyone who knows me would be better off if i were dead#no one would have to take care of me then - theyd be free of any burden i put on them#hell considering how few people i talk to and how little o do talk to ones i DO talk to they probably wouldnt even notice i were gone#and once they did they probably wouldnt be upset for long at all if they would be upset to begin with#my partner would be free to find a smaller more affordable place to live or could even get a car and live in it as he thought of doing#before if i werent around being a little needy whiny bitch#seriously whats even the fucking point#im so tired of just...fucking everything.#i dont talk about it much but i really do just feel like shit all the fucking time man#and i feel so fucking powerless and like i have no control of my life too#should probably be in therapy still but i just know theyd force me into the psych ward again#not that talk therapy would do shit for me anyways tho#i dunno#im tired and sad and hopeless and i just wanna go to sleep and not wake up again#not that it matters or anything though lololol
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Wow, tons of job recruiters are plain stupid, huh?
I love filtering for ONLY Entry-level jobs, just to see tons of Senior and Manager level jobs get included anyways. Like forcing all job levels in your job listing is some "ideal" way to get it out to more people. But people seeking below that level wouldn't want to apply anyways?!
What's the point? What's wrong with you people? You're literally just making job hunting online more tedious and a waste of time than it should be. Because I have to keep scrolling past entire PAGES of your Senior-level listings when my filter is specifically meant to keep those out.
Screw you.
#I'm so sick of job hunting that I'm gonna end up quitting it AGAIN for a while#I found one listing that I'm considering applying for but that's it#all I see are Manager and Senior jobs and THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SEARCHING!!#job recruiters: you're supposed to reach the people who will qualify for your listing#not treat it like an advertisement on Amazon that needs every keyword in the title to reach random search queries#I want to strangle some of you lot#finding an ACTUAL entry-level listing shouldn't be so hard#but you bury them with your stupid high-level listings and I can't find what I'm looking for!#AAAAGH#job hunting#wk speaks#rant post#job recruitment#jobs#if anyone here on Tumblr wants to hire me for something creative at least please do get in touch thanks#I'm miserable from long-time unemployment and am in a panic mode to possibly plan on expensive travel after elections this year#to go live somewhere that's safe and where I can get out of The Closet finally#turning 29 this year and lots of my life has felt so wasted man
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