#uhh tw for rape in passing

[thatgirlwiththeteapot]

Oh God she's having feelings about the Niel gaiman article; what better way to process than a read more on Tumblr dot com

Why are the threads so closely bound

It was one of the last thing your sister and you shared

Before she left (me, her cat, society, everything)

How do you tell a cloistered nun that her favorite author from the life she left behind

Is a rapist. A monster? A man

How do you tell her that you saw Amanda with your friend who is also named Shanon except she is no longer Shannon

That you were going to see Amanda again in a few weeks.

You can only write a letter, and it will have to get screened.

You can't send the article. It will never get screened.

Why does it reopen the wound left by Ursula k le guin passing

His words helped when she passed and now all his self labeling as a feminist makes you SICK to your stomach

You met him!!! You met her!!! They were kind! And make art that you can feel!! That you can share with the sister who hates you but loves you but wishes you didn't exist!! But she left!! And now you're by yourself taking tickets out of your nightstand and pulling down books and CDs from a shelf in a home with another roommate who hates you and the only words that begin to explain any thing

Are SO SAD

what a stupid final straw, you don't expect perfection or good behavior from celebrities AND YET something in you wants to scream

You met him!!! So many times! He was the tenth Tumblr you followed (you counted. Like a regular person who doesn't know how to process things you counted.)

Tricksters are and remain your favorite archetype. Tomorrow you will take the travel copy (the comfort copy) out of your car and bring it into the house and fill up a box that you can't store in the living room because it's a common area that must stay Perfect while you decide, what to do with signed copies and CDs and tickets and pictures and memories and feelings and tonight you will feel your stomach empty as you sob in a house it is not safe to scream in

He is a monster and that is not why your sister hates you.

And also [he] was a monster and that is why your sister hates you. Hurt you the way she was hurt you hurt the way she was hurt you the way she was hurt you the way she was hurt you the way she was hurt

Are tricksters not monsters?? Are these not the complex stories you crave?

[italiansteebie]

I'll Cry If I Want To

TW// This involves drug use, rape, and other heavy topics that relate to those. Please do not read if this is going to affect you or your mental health negatively.

Eddie didn’t want to be here. 

He hated house parties, and he especially hated Tommy Hagan who just happened to be hosting the party. He was only here because Hagan wanted him to deal, and who was he, poor trailer trash, to pass up a night that was guaranteed to be fiscally beneficial. 

He hadn’t been doing the whole “party” thing. He mainly milled about and watched as party goers drank themselves sick, or basically had clothed sex on the couch. He also kept an eye on Harrington. Why? He couldn’t tell you. 

After the mall burned down… He seemed different. Hell, he had to be. The Buckley girl would’ve spit in his face in the past, but here they are at Hagan’s party, drinking and laughing and being… Super normal about it. 

Eddie didn’t think Steve was Robin's type but, hey. He’s been wrong before. 

—-

It was later in the night, he’d made 300 bucks, pretty good, considering that he’d only sold about an ounce. This was emotionally intensive, he marked the price up considerably. 

He’d only sold weed, nothing stronger. 

Which is odd, because Harrington was stumbling around the hall, pupils blown wide, mumbling to himself incoherently. 

“Hey, Harrignton. You alright, buddy?”

He watched as Steve’s head snapped up.

“Rob, Robin. She’s gonna be right back. Rob- Bobin,” He giggled to himself. And Eddie thought back to when he got a secret nod from the girl as she headed out the door with another girl with cropped black and purple hair. He remembers thinking ‘ah, so I was right,’ and that was about an hour ago. 

He shakes himself out of his thoughts, “No, Stevie, she’s gone.” Stevie? When the hell did that happen? Whatever. Another thought for another time. Right now, Steve looked high out of his mind. 

“Gone? No- We. I got her out. She- Not. She’s gone?” 

And Eddie could see the panic attack from miles away. 

He grabbed Steve’s jaw gently, focusing him. 

“No, not gone. She left the party. With that girl. Remember?”

And that seemed to calm him down, but Eddie knew he had to get the guy into a bed, somewhere he could rest, get some sleep. So he hoisted the guy up, “C’mon, Stevie. I’m taking you home.” He narrated, grunting as he lifted Steve. Steve sighed. “M’kay. Jus- uhh.” He was slurring worse now, whatever he took was hitting, in fall force. Eddie watched as he smacked his lips, “Just, mmmm. Make sure to use a lot of lube. N’ver had… A guy b’fore.” And that made Eddie freeze. 

What the fuck did Steve think Eddie was about to do? Did he- No. Eddie shook his head, he had to get this guy out of here. 

He’d made it to the door, when he was stopped by a girl with long black hair. “Uh, excuse me. There’s an order, kay? Freak.” She scoffed, smacking her gum, motioning to the various people in their little audience. Eddie blanched, what the fuck kind of- “What?” He said dumbly.

The girl rolled her eyes. “Look, freak. There’s a system, everyone gets their turn with him, but I’m. First.” She said, yanking Steve’s hand, making his head roll, and doped up smile on his face. “What the fuck are you talking about? Are you- You’re serious? Is. Is that why he’s like this?” And the dots started connecting. 

The girl was still watching him, bored. “It goes like this, kay. We give him the stuff, he gets high, and we get off. Look, I knew you were a freak but, I didn’t know you were stupid.” Eddie felt like he was going to pass out. The whole “king Steve” thing was based on his willingness to get drugged and passed around like a fucking joint. Even for him, that’s fucked up. And he’s seen a lot of shit, okay? 

“I’m gonna make you a compromise, I’ll give the rest of my supply, for free, if I can take him for the night.” It would deplete his supply and he’d be in debt with Rick but… He had to get Steve out. Now.

The girl lit up. 

“Alright! He always cries after anyways. Really ruins the mood.”

She releases her grip on Steve and takes the weed from Eddie’s lunch box, which he’d been holding out as an offering. “C’mon, Stevie. Let’s go home.”

Steve giggled, “You’re prettyyyy.” He reached a hand towards Eddie’s face, booping him on the nose. “Boop.” Eddie tried not to laugh, it was a rather serious moment, but Steve was being cute. Cute? Eddie please, he scolded himself. 

—--

It was a bit of a struggle, but he finally got Steve back to the trailer. Recruiting Wayne to help him get the guy to the couch, with a promise of explanation once he was settled.

Once inside, Wayne patted Eddie on the back. “Alright, kid. Tell me what happened.” And so Eddie launched into the story, Wayne looking about as sick as Eddie felt. “Let's let him sleep. Leave a bucket and some tylenol on the coffee table for him. He’ll probably freak out when he wakes up. Be gentle, Kid.” Wayne pulled Eddie in for a hug. “You get some sleep too. I gotta get to my shift. Love ya, kid.” 

“Love you, Wayne.”

—--

Steve woke up considerably more cozy than he usually does after a party. Especially one where he gives in to drinking the random cups that were shoved into his hands. Whoever was last had put his pants back on, which was nice. They usually don’t do that. 

He groaned as he shifted, pausing when he heard movement in the kitchen. “You’re up.” It was a male voice. Shit. It was always so awkward when the dads found him. “I’ll get out of your hair. Just gimme a minute, please.” His voice came out weak. 

“You don’t have to leave just yet. Let yourself wake up. I made breakfast.” Curly hair comes into view, and a pop tart is set on the coffee table next to some tylenol. He takes in the guy's face. “Munson? But I-.” He blushes harshly. “But I’m not… Sore.” He motions to his lower region. Steve watches as Eddie’s face turns into one of disgust. “No, man. I know I’m a freak, but I’m a freak with your consent. Always.” Steve shook his head, “I- I didn’t think you were a freak, you just like that stupid game- But. Why. Why am I here?” 

Does Steve know about DND? No way. So king Steve has layers, huh? 

“I uh. I found you in the hall. It was probably like, fifteen minutes after they slipped you the drug. You were looking for Robin Buckley.” 

A look of tentative recognition crossed Steve’s face. 

“Did. Did you see who?”

Eddie nodded. “I don’t think anyone else saw her. Don’t worry.” He watched as relief spread across his face. “How long… Has this happened to you, Steve?” 

“I don’t know. Too long, I guess. The first time… I was scared out of my mind but, it got me friends. Friends who kept me… Company.” Steve shook his head. Eddie mirrored him, “They had no right to do that to you, Steve.”

“It was really the first time I felt… Useful. So I stopped trying to fight it. I thought that’s what love was but then I met Nancy, which turned out to be. Bullshit, I guess. And so I let them do it again. I figured it was what I was good for.”

Eddie felt his heart crack in two. “Steve…”

“It’s okay. I don’t know why I told you any of that anyways. Fuck. I’m so stupid. Sorry. I’ll just, I’ll go. Thanks Eddie.” Steve stood, shuffling his way towards the door. “Steve. Sit back down. You’re still recovering.” It was stern, and Steve thought that if he didn’t listen, Eddie was going to make him listen. So he sat. 

“I’ve been watching you, Steve. I’ve seen the way you snake Robin smile, and last night you knew about DnD of all things, so there has to be more to you. There is more to you. And if people don’t want to see it, just know, I do. Robin does. And whoever taught you about DnD does too, okay. I just. I didn’t like you in highschool but. Something’s changed and I. I think that’s worth more than sex.”

And a 19 year old dam broke. 

And suddenly Steve was sobbing on Eddie’s worn down couch. 

And Eddie didn’t know what to do, so he patted him on the back awkwardly. “There, there Steve. Uh. Sorry I don’t know what to do with crying people. Uhm. It’ll be okay.” 

Steve laughed wetly and wiped his nose, cringing at the sight of the snot. “Ew.” Eddie laughed and handed him the tissue box that was resting on the floor. 

“Seriously, Steve. You are so much more than just some guy who gets passed around. Trust me. If I can see it, well. That’s saying something.”

“Thanks Eddie. I really appreciate that.”

“Wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean. Especially not to you.” He bumped Steve on the shoulder, knocking him over and raising a giggle out of him. 

—---

And maybe Eddie didn’t see Steve’s real, true colors, at least not until a year or so later when the guy carried him out of actual hell, but he saw a glimpse of what Steve is really like that night. And he has to admit, he wanted to see more.