#ughhhhhhhhhh guess whos back.

[drdanners-art-lab]

Alright, the hiatus is.....

Over.

[mrvlbimbo]

ahhh i love the matching tattoo with eddie x bimbo!reader would they ever wear matching clothes??

Y’all know those baby tees with the solid color sleeves and then a design.

She’d have a hellfire shirt in that style for sure.

Not perfectly matching outfits but she’d try to match him a little bit.

Ughhh imagine she wears a hellfire shirt with a black denim miniskirt and Eddie’s leather jacket and she’s like “hehe, guess who I am?”

“Is that your impression of me?” He can’t hold back the smile on his face as he tries to act offended.

“Mhm,” she hums, stepping closer to stare up at him, trying to mimic his facial expression.

“Here, you need these.” He carefully takes his rings off and slips them over her fingers. His hands come down to cup her waist, holding her in place so he can appraise her outfit.

Ughhhhhhhhhh and imagine him wearing her shirts (aka crop tops)

What he lacks in the chest area, compared to her, he makes up for in being broad. Basically her shirts are entirely to short on him and they streeeetch over his chest.

He looks delicious in a little pink tanktop, he never gets to keep it on for too long.

Her excuse is always “Baaabe. You’re going to stretch it out!”

But eventually he gets her to admit the real reason is he “just looks so pretty.” And she “cant control herself.” Especially since her shirts are often lowcut enough to expose the tattoo of her name right over his heart (which she loves)

Eddie Munson masterlist

[nevermindirah]

Yitzhak!

is a character! who Gregadiah What-Is-Math Rucka gave us almost no information about!

I've gone through Tales Through Time #6: The Bear and #1: My Mother's Axe with several magnifying glasses and done a lot of googling and taken my copy of the Tanakh off my shelf for the first time since (well, since the last time I needed to read Torah for TOG reasons, which I think was Booker Passover headcanons) and here's the best I can come up with.

In The Bear we meet someone who goes by the name Isaac Blue:

Read on for a lot of comic panel analysis and historical research and Jewish flailing!

So what do we know about this Isaac Blue person?

He's Lorge, he's got curly hair, he's basically a taller version of Joe as drawn by Leandro Fernández (ie an antisemitic stereotype why the fuck did they approve this character design?? and then why did they double down and copy-paste it to Yitzhak??):

He's got a mezuzah on the doorpost of his house in Alaska!

I screamed about the mezuzah way back in January in this post where I (very reasonably) assumed this character was Joe and spun myself a tale about how Booker is still Joe's brother so the mezuzah stays up even though Booker isn't welcome in that house for a century. Bottom line: the mezuzah is a tradition with origins in the commandment from Deuteronomy 6:9 to "write the words of G-d on the gates and doorposts of your house" and evolved over the course of the Rabbinic period into the modern mezuzah we see here.

I did unnecessary levels of google image search to glean absolutely no useful information about Yitzhak’s origins from this panel:

I've decided the variant cover of TTT 6 is Yitzhak because of a panel in My Mother’s Axe, shown here, and what's likely an unnecessarily deep reading of Exodus, discussed further down:

The person at the right of the bottom panel is wearing the same clothes as in the TTT 6 variant cover and has the same shoulder-length curly hair and hairy forearms.

Left to right, the people in this panel are Lykon (I'll never get used to him being white in the comics), Andy, Noriko (I think? why doesn't Andy mention her by name here?), and Yitzhak. Andy's robe has a stereotypically Greek design on the sleeve cuff, and I had to stop myself 10 minutes into a Wikipedia rabbit hole because Gregorforth doesn't think that deep about this shit. The solid clues as to timeline that we get in this panel are:

Andy's iron axe

the presence of Lykon, who Andy first met in 331 BCE

So all we know is that Yitzhak is an immortal, he was a contemporary of Lykon, and he's Jewish.

Isaac is the most common Anglicization of Yitzhak (which in turn is the most common Anglophone transliteration of יִצְחָק‎), and Greg always uses the (transliterated) Hebrew when he refers to this character. Yitzhak is the long-awaited child of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis, the child who G-d commanded Abraham to sacrifice but spared at the last minute. I see what you did there, Gregory.

Why Isaac Blue? This is where I pulled out my Tanakh. According to the New JPS translation, blue is the first of three colors of yarn listed in Exodus 35:6 among the gifts requested of the Israelites to construct the priestly garments for the Tabernacle and later the Temple. Then in Numbers 15:38 the Israelites are commanded to "make themselves fringes on the corners of their garments throughout the ages; let them attach a cord of blue to the fringe at each corner."

And now for sandbox timelines party! Gregadiah gave us ALMOST NOTHING to go on, so I'm gonna make my own fun.

I, like many modern Jews, think the stories in the Tanakh are foundational mythology that are valuable because of how they've shaped our people but that contain some fucked-up shit and either way aren't meant to be a record of historical facts. Modern scholarship generally agrees that the community we now call Jews emerged as a distinct group of Canaanites sometime in the late Bronze Age (cw this video's host says the Name of G-d aloud despite being a religious studies scholar who knows that is not a name anyone but the Temple priests are allowed to say). The first non-Biblical written record of the people Israel is from an Egyptian source c. 1200 BCE, and the Biblical kingdom of David and Solomon was probably an exaggeration of whatever really happened during the Bronze Age Collapse. We start getting into historical-fact territory a few centuries into the Iron Age:

588 BCE Solomon's Temple destroyed, Babylonian exile begins

538 BCE Cyrus of Persia allows Jews to return to Jerusalem

515 BCE Second Temple construction complete

332 BCE Alexander the Great At Something I Guess conquered Judea, beginning the Hellenistic period of Jewish history — 331 BCE Andy & Lykon find each other

167 BCE another jerkface Greek king desecrated the Temple and basically outlawed Judaism

164 BCE recapture of Jerusalem and Temple rededication during the Maccabean Revolt

70 CE destruction of the Second Temple by the Romans, beginning of the Rabbinic period of Jewish history that we're still in now

What if... and hear me out... what if immortals come in pairs, and the pairs are:

Andy & Quynh

Joe & Nicky

Booker & Nile

LYKON & YITZHAK

What if Yitzhak was a priest of the Second Temple? What if he and Lykon killed each other just like Joe and Nicky would in the same city around 1300 years later, but instead of enemies-to-lovers speedrun with an absurdly long happily-ever-after, when Lykon died permanently Yitzhak decided to separate from Andy and Noriko and become the hermit we later see in Alaska?

We don't know how old Yitzhak is compared to the others, only that he was a contemporary of Lykon at a time when Andy was using an Iron Age version of her mother's axe. Other plausible origins for him:

a Jew of the early Rabbinic period, maybe a child or grandchild of people who were still alive before the Second Temple was destroyed

a Judean of the Second Temple era under the Romans or Greeks or Persians, maybe a priest, maybe not

an exilee in Babylon, maybe of the generation who got to return, maybe of the generation who was exiled (he doesn't look like he was 50 at his first death but who knows, he could've been mortal for both)

an Israelite of the Kingdoms of Israel and Judah, maybe a priest of Solomon's Temple or again maybe not

an Israelite wandering in the desert with Moses

THEE Yitzhak, ben Avraham v'Sarah, our patriarch who was brought up for sacrifice and then spared, and then spared again, and then spared again, and again, and again...

or! he could also be a Canaanite or other Levantine who predates the people Israel, who at some point in his very long life chose to join our mixed multitude, who like Andromache before him (and like Avram and Sarai would in this case do after him) took a new name to reflect the magnitude of influence this people has had on him

Why do I keep saying Yitzhak might have been a priest? It's thanks to the one detail in the artwork I could plausibly connect to solid research without getting a PhD real quick. Take a look at the gorgeous detail on the opening of his robe in the TTT 6 cover. He's dressed in rags, holes and dirt everywhere, rough stitches probably from hasty repair work — except for the neck opening. Compare that to this description from Exodus 39:23 of the construction of the priestly garments for the Tabernacle: "The opening of the robe, in the middle of it, was like the opening of a coat of mail, with a binding around the opening, so that it would not tear."

The next verses describe the intricate designs for the hem of the priestly garment. Yitzhak's ragged garment looks like the hem was torn off entirely.

Am I overthinking this? Yes I am! You're welcome!

My friend and historical research hero @lady-writes​ is in a Discord server with Gregadiah and asked the man himself some questions about all this. He clearly thinks he's being sneaky?? No shit Yitzhak is Jewish, dude, I want DETAILS!

I will not be giving up my Jewish Booker headcanon, I've put too much thought into it by now, the internalized shame of antisemitism explains Booker's depression too well for me, and it just adds so much richness to Booker/Nile both being children of forced diasporas. Fortunately (for him, not me, bc I'd do it anyway!) Gregothy supports fan headcanons even when they're not in line with his own:

One last thing before I close like 100 research tabs and go back to writing historical fantasy and/or porn! I love that, despite that atrocious caricature of a face design, our canon Jew and our fanon Jew are both Lorge and Soft and Kind, flying the face of the antisemitic stereotype of Ashkenazi Jewish men as small and weak, but also not falling into the New Jew / Muscle Jew stereotype that Zionism created. (I am trying SO HARD not to talk about Israel/Palestine for once ughhhhhhhhhh) Anyway here's a (US-centric but very good) primer on both these stereotypes of Jewish masculinity. Is this why I'm forever projecting my transmasc diasporist feels onto Jewish Booker the service sub? 🤷🏻‍♂️

I’ll reblog a second version of this with full image descriptions so that there’s a version accessible for folks who need IDs as well as a version accessible for folks who get overwhelmed by walls of text.

[earstwo]

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I hit 7k recently after losing almost 1.5k followers when I converted to a Reylo blog (not sorry in the slightest) and decided it was time to finally compile some of the INCREDIBLE fanfics that I’ve read since joining the fandom in December. 

I’m constantly impressed by the talent around here and I'm so grateful to love a ship that has some of the most amazing content I’ve ever seen. The creators in this fandom are second to none. I’m so thankful for all they do and all that they give to us. 

Please keep never stop sharing your gifts. <3 

**Note: Most (pretty much all) of these are rated E. 

Without further ado, here are (some of) my favorite stories: 

The Jedi Path  by SouthsideStory | 19k | E | I am such a sucker for Jedi Academy Ben and Rey. It’s everything I never knew I needed, and this fic is a beautiful rendition. If you know me at all, you know that I devour Angst with a Happy Ending stories, and this is no exception to that rule.

Exile by Ernzo | 22k | E | Oof. This one hurts. Leia sends Rey to the planet where Ben is exiled. It’s angsty and sad and cathartic in every way. I’ve read it dozens of times. 

Before the Saber Swings by @waterlilyrose​ | 28k | M |  Fuck. When I tell y’all that this story fucked me up, I mean it from the bottom of my s o u l. It stayed with me for days. I literally couldn’t get it out of my head. It felt so real to me that I was in physical pain while reading it. I also made an AU gifset of the fic with a quote from Buffy because I’m extra and love pain. 

penitence by @bettsfic​ | 16k | M | Look, Betts is one of my favorite fanfiction authors of all time. Her Bellarke works are some that I’ve read dozens of times and I was fucking ecstatic when I found out she also writes Reylo. This is an A+ TROS fix-it that is lovely and soft and sweet. 

The Writings of Ben Solo by BurnedStars777 | 39k | E | This was recced to me by the fabulous @galacticidiots​ and is just a fantastic story all around. Rey finds Ben’s journal whilst stuck on a planet with Kylo Ren and she (eventually) connects the dots. Rey falling in love with Ben sight unseen? Here. For. it.  find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel by again_please | 17k | E | A fantastic post-TLJ story with angsty and broody Ben and just some all around quality smut. I devoured this and have read it multiple time since. 

We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree by @likeadove​ | 124k | E | I will probably never stop reading this fic. It’s such a beautiful coming of age story for Rey and her relationship with Ben as she grows up is just... gah. It’s fantastic. Please read it.    

Soul Searching by OptimisticBeth | 205k | E | Soulmates AU where Ben is Rey’s teacher? Sign me the fuuuuck up, and Soul Searching is so fucking well written. I go back to this one every few weeks and just gush at how great the world building is. I love the relationship Rey has with Leia and Han. It’s rich with love and angst and fluffffff. So good. 

Coveted by OptimisticBeth | 82k | E | WIP | OptimisticBeth is just an incredible writer, so you should honestly read all of her stuff, but I am so, so, so into this fic. It’s A/B/O and Ben’s Rey’s pack leader. He, along with a bunch of other Alphas are trying to court Rey, a highly desired Omega. It’s so fucking delicious, y’all. Alpha Ben Solo is just...it doesn’t get much better. 

A Treehouse Covered in Salt by violethoure666 | 34k | E | This fic made me cry my eyes out. I’m not kidding. It’s so raw and real. It hurts to read at some points, but you care so much about Ben and Rey in this that you fight through the pain. They grow up together as neighbors and Han builds them a treehouse where they meet throughout their childhoods/teen years. Prepare to cry but also be so fulfilled and satisfied. It’s wonderful. love it when you call me lover by @kylotrashforever​​ | 66k | E | WIP | First, let me say that anything by KTF is going to be gold. These fics I have listed are just a few of my favorites at the moment. Lover is hot as fuck (as is all of her stuff) but also fluffy in the best way. It’s in Sadsville right now so I’m fucking PUMPED for her to update. Ben’s a doctor who basically gives Rey a sexual awakening when he proves her statement of “I just don’t think I can come from (insert sexual act here)” very, very wrong.  

mountain at my gates by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | More A/B/O goodness. Omega Rey’s car breaks down on a mountain. Ben is a mountain man Alpha. You can probably guess what happens from there. *fans self* 

take me to church by @kylotrashforever​ | 26k | E | I love this story so much. Ben is the pastor’s son at the church Rey grows up in. They start hooking up in secret and are terrrrrrible at communicating with each other which leads to angst. But it’s so sweet and soft while also being super hot. I love this Ben and Rey so much. 

Your Pretty Little Heart by @ever-so-reylo​ | 64k | E | The A/B/O Reylo bible, I feel like. They’re doctors and he’s a grumpy as fuck Alpha. Shenanigans ensue. And by shenanigans I mean a lot, a lot, a LOT of sex. 

The Food of Love by @lovesbitca8​ | 60k | E | Y’all. If you haven’t read this yet, please stop what you’re doing and read it RIGHT NOW. I ate this fic up in one sitting because holy SHIT it’s amazing. It’s so well written and the story is just... absolutely exquisite. Ben is cellist that’s also a famous rockstar and Rey’s an up and coming violinist and they fall in loOOoOOve in the best, most angsty, sexiest way. Please just read it right now. The scene when she firsts goes to his apartment and plays one of his cellos............you guys. It’s a lot.

Already Home by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 81k | E | This is soulmates + A/B/O so naturally I am obsessed with it. Rey gets connected with her soulmate via a website and he’s going by the name Kylo Ren. At the same time, she’s also moving in with grumpy librarian Ben Solo. She falls in love with both but has no idea that they’re the same person. It’s INCREDIBLE. 

Tangled but Unbroken by AttackoftheDarkCurses | 20k | M | I read this the other night and it’s so fucking soft. I am such a fucking sucker for growing up together fics and this is just such top quality. The braiding kills me every goddamn time. Also, I’m making my way through all of Attack’s works right now and they’re all incredible. Highly recommend. 

Dear Mr. President by @shmisolo​ | 89k | E | I love this Ben so much. The characterization is so on the money. The angst is absolutely delicious. The smut is top brass. Oh, and did I mention they’re soulmates? It’s everything you need, I promise. 

Good Day, Professor by @faequeentitania​ | 38k | E | One of the best Professor Solo fics out there. I’m such a sucker for age difference fics. Of course there’s angst, who do you think I am? 

Embers by sciosophia | 34k | E | Breaking up/getting back together fics are some of my favorites and this one is fantastic. The pining with these two is ridiculous. You just want to smush their faces together. It’s a beautiful love story. 

Reclaimed by @bettsfic​ | 14k | E | Ughhhhhhhhhh, Reclaimed. I am so in love with Reclaimed. Alpha Ben adopts Omega Rey after she’s rescued from this terrible Alpha that held her captive for most of her life. She doesn’t talk and Ben has to help her learn to be a human being and not just a subservient Omega. This Ben is the Ben of my dreams. No contest. 

the following are all written by  @kylorenvevo​. please read them all if you haven’t already. 

landscape with a blur of conquerers | 362k | E |  Y’all know this shit is fire. It’s basically the bible. If you haven’t read this yet, consider this as me yelling at you to do it NOW.   

like young gods | 84k | T | fuck, the Sword of the Jedi series is incomparable when it comes to in-universe fics. I cannot begin to express how much I love this story. It’s so soft and intense and sad. Like, gut wrenchingly sad. Ben senses Rey on Jakku when she’s six and he and Luke take her back to the Jedi Academy. She grows up with Ben. 

to kingdom come | 145k | M |  The sequel to Like Young Gods. I’m not gonna spoil much here, but just know I cried through most of this fic. I downright SOBBED at the end. It’s gorgeous and I will never stop rereading it. The love these two have for each other... it’s unreal. 

i kill giants  | 34k | E | WIP | The TROS fix-it we all need. Ben is alive and finds Rey on Tatooine. It’s soft and Thea does a great job of soothing so many of the gaping wounds we were left with after TROS. My heart soars every time I read a new chapter. This is what we deserved. :( 

the heartbreak prince | 58k | E | WIP |  Harry Potter AU. Professor/student. Size kink. Virginity kink. ANGST. All the good things life has to offer. Professor Solo is fucking filthy in this and I (along with Miss Niima)  am here 👏 for 👏 it. 

place the moon at my eyes (and her whiteness shall devour)  | 29k | E | Another breakup/get back together fic that I absolutely adore.

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Thank you to everyone that’s been so kind and welcoming to me the past couple of months! I love this fandom and its energy and enthusiasm and how much everyone seems to care for each other. I hope that I can continue to create content for you forever <3 

[g0ttal0ve101]

Happy Birthday, Al <3

(I did not forget about his birthday. I did not. I didn’t, I swear. Please don’t beat me up, Al. ✨💚)

████████████████████

March 21, xxxx.

9:41 am.

Albert’s head hung off the bed as he slept, his arms and legs spread across the mattress wildly. It was his birthday today, but he had slept in for three hours. His brothers tried multiple times to wake him up, only to have him curse them out and fall back asleep. He didn’t even like his birthday; it just meant more lectures from his dad about being a failure. His ideal birthday plan was to sleep all day without being bothered, but obviously that wasn’t coming true. It annoyed him.

“Allie, dear. Time to wake up.” Hearing his mother’s voice, Albert moves his head underneath his pillow to hide himself. She giggled at his behavior, sitting down next to him and patting his back. “Come on, it’s your birthday. You can’t sleep all day!”

“Ugh…” Albert groaned, sighing into his pillow. “Don’t call me that, it’s weird…”

His mother doesn’t acknowledge his request, knowing all too well that he was just being grumpy. She uncovers his head from the pillows, revealing his messy, ginger hair underneath. “Alright, get up now, okay?”

“Ughhhhhhhhhh…”

“Don’t ugh your mother.”

Albert lifts his head and glares at her, scratching his chin while sitting up. He examines his room, finding that everything was cleaned up, which was not normal at all. He cursed under his breath, looking beneath the bed. “Are you serious?! Who the hell cleaned my room?! I didn’t ask for it to be cleaned! Goddamnit…”

“It’s your birthday, Albert.” His mother reminds him once again with a worried expression. “Your brothers wanted to make you happy by cleaning up for you.”

“They can kiss my ass with that bull. They don’t like me anyway.” Albert hisses while standing up, stretching his arms. “Is dad here?”

His mother now seemed sad, nervously moving her hair behind her ear. She was devastated that Albert was in a bad mood already, knowing that she would have a very hard time making him happy. “…No, he’s out buying gravestone material…”

“Of course he is. He hates me.”

“No, he doesn’t, Albert! Please stop saying things like that!”

The boy rolls his eyes. He then leaned down and grabbed a random shirt from his closet, throwing it on and leaving the room. His mother doesn’t follow him, feeling terribly upset about the matter. She knew that if Albert didn’t talk back to her after she said something that he thought it wasn’t a debatable discussion. That made his silence sting even more.

“Happy birthday, big bro!” George jumps onto his brother’s leg, happily laughing. Albert rolled his eyes and shoved him off, going downstairs to eat a bagel. However, this doesn’t distract George from his goal of making his older brother happy. He follows the older boy into the kitchen, growing more and more excited by the second. “Big bro! We’re gonna have cake! And you’re gonna get presents! I got you the best oneeee!”

“Mhm. Shovels and gloves, right? Give it to Eddie.” Albert spits harshly at the little boy.

He shakes his head, his big blue eyes locking onto his brother’s. “It’s none of thaaat! That’s boring!” He huffed at the thought that Albert thought he would give him something so plain.

Albert grins just a bit, patting his little brother’s ginger curls. “At least you got the hint. Good boy.”

George leans into his touch with his eyes shut and a smile spread on his freckled cheeks, proud of himself for earning his oldest brother’s praise. He then grabs his hands, attempting to dance with him childishly. He hops up and down with his legs kicking in the air, giggling louder than ever. “Big brooooooooo! It’s your birthdayyyyyy! Are you exciteddddd?!”

Albert merely shakes his hands that were clinging to George’s, pretending to dance without actually doing anything. “Mmm, I guess. I mean, no one ever gets me anything good so I dunno.”

“Oooh! I got you the best present ever, I promiseeeee!” He gushed with the biggest smile ever.

“Whatcha get me?”

“I gotta-!”

“Hey! You’re not actually supposed to tell, dummy!” George’s cheeks grow bright red from embarrassment. His older brother chuckles at his behavior, picking him up off the ground and holding him on his hip. “But thank you anyway.”

George rests his head on Albert’s shoulder, huffing his cheeks in a pout. “Meanie…don’t tell me to do something if you don’t want me to actually do itttt! Meannnn!”

“I’m not mean.”

“Are too! Are tooooo! I almost spoiled everything, big bro!” George cried, growing frustrated.

Albert sets him down on the kitchen counter, growing annoyed with all of his kicking. He grabs a bagel from the pantry and shoves it into the toaster, listening to George complain about how close he was to ruining his gift. He tuned him out for the most part, waiting for his food to heat up.

Carl then walks from the living room, having Mr. B (his lizard) placed on his shoulder as usual. He had dark circles under his eyes, most likely from his lack of sleep at night since he decided to pull an all-nighter. He quietly reaches into the fridge and grabs a monster, chugging it to energize himself.

“Aye. The birthday boy is right here?? Hello?” Albert mischievously grinned, staring at his younger brother smugly.

Carl chuckles too, turning back toward him. “I already told you happy birthday, bro. Then you told me to fu-!”

“Hey! The baby is right hereeeee!” Albert mocked Eddie’s voice, covering George’s ears dramatically. The youngest brother pushed his hands off of him, hating the fact that they were referring to him as ‘the baby.’ He was seven years old now, but they still treated him like a toddler.

Carl rolls his eyes with a playful smile, sitting down at the kitchen tabletop to drink his monster the rest of the way. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

Albert’s face turns pale soon after mimicking Eddie. He brushes his fingers through his hair and waits just a few seconds before asking, “Where is Eddie anyway? I haven’t seen him…”

“Oh, please.” Carl grumbled. He knew ever since Eddie was found from that building that Albert was extremely protective of him. He couldn’t go a night without knowing Eddie was in the house, safe. It was cute the first year, but now it was getting tiring to always assure him that Eddie was perfectly fine. Favoritism at its finest, as Carl saw it. “He went with dad this morning. Said something about helping dad pick out more rock or something.”

“What.” Albert’s voice grew stern and cold, his eyes returning to the heartless ones they were years back. George and Carl both shivered at the sight of their brother growing angry, immediately trying to assure him everything was fine.

“H-He’ll be right back though!”

“Yeah! Big bro, don’t worry ‘bout nothing!”

“Definitely! He’s perfectly fineee, dad wouldn’t ever hurt him or anything!”

“Mhm! Don’t be mad!”

Albert obviously wasn’t taking this well, storming over toward Carl. He flinches heavily, thinking he was going to get his teeth pounded in, before his brother grabs the phone from his overall pocket, looking for their dad’s phone number. Carl sighed in relief, but was confused as to why he had to use his phone. Although, it made sense, considering it was the nearest one around.

Albert dials his father’s number, tapping his foot impatiently for him to pick up. After a few rings, he did, sounding almost irritated. “What, Carl? I’m busy.”

“Dad.” Albert fumed. He tried to hold back the anger in his voice, but it didn’t do much.

“Oh! My boy!” His father suddenly had a change of mood, sounding happier than ever. “What’s the matter? Why are you using Carl’s phone?”

“Where’s Eddie?”

“Right next to me, why?”

“I wanna talk to him.”

“…Why?”

“Give him the phone now.”

The phone goes quiet for a moment before a softer and gentler voice rings throughout Albert’s ears. His little brother, Eddie. “Hi, big bro! Happy birthday! What’s up?”

Albert felt relieved hearing his voice and sat down. He brushed his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily, all the anger releasing from his body. “Hey, Ed. Where are you right now?”

“Umm, I’m with dad in the car! We just went to go pick out some stone material, why?”

“Tell dad to get his dusty, old ass back up here and bring you to me. It’s my birthday, I want you to be here…” He growled in a low voice. He suddenly realized he was talking with Eddie, so changed his tone urgently. “…Please. I miss you.”

Eddie giggles through the phone, bringing a smile to his older brother’s face. “Okay! I’ll make sure I get home soon! I have a surprise for you~”

A shimmer of excitement came through Albert’s heart as he heard those words, grinning even wider. “You do…?”

“Of course I do! You’re the best big brother in the world! I had to get you something really nice! Ehehe~!”

Albert blushes from the compliment, not knowing how to respond. He then forms the correct words in his mouth, clenching at his overalls. “Okay…I’ll see you soon, right?”

“Right! I promise, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Bye-bye!”

“Bye…”

Albert faintly hears his dad’s harsh tone before the call ends, feeling worried about Eddie again. He anxiously paces around the kitchen and brushes his hands through his hair, feeling his heart beating like a drum in his chest. So many things could be happening to Eddie right now and he wouldn’t even know. He hated not knowing where he was, what he was doing, and how he was doing. It was the same feeling he felt day by day for two years when he went missing. He hated it terribly.

“Relax, dude. You’re really flipping out for no reason.” Carl chugs the monster fully before tossing it in the trash. He pats Al’s shoulder and tries to comfort him, feeling obligated to. “It’s not like Eddie’s your girlfriend, he’s your brother. You really need to chill. He’ll be perfectly fine.”

“No, no, no, what if he goes missing again? What if I never see him again? What if dad-!”

“Hey! Stop thinking like that!” Carl shouts, furrowing his eyebrows. “He’s fine! He just talked to you! Did he seem scared or sad?”

“…No…”

“So, don’t worry about it then, okay? I’m serious, man. You can’t be like an obsessive boyfriend toward your little brother. I get why, but at the same time, Eddie gotta live his life without you being there every two seconds.”

Albert shoots eye daggers at him, snatching his bagel from the toaster. “Whatever. I just love him more than you do.”

Carl rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, bro.”

████████████████████

March 21, xxxx.

10:00 am.

Albert rocks back and forth in his seat, trembling slightly. “He’s not coming back. He’s dead. He’s dead.”

“Literally two minutes away now, dude. Relax.” Carl assured him once again, playing a videogame in the living room. Albert sat at the door like a mental asylum patient, looking out the windows constantly and pacing around after every few minutes. If it weren’t for the context, Carl would have been out of the house because of his behavior. However, he knew Albert was just like this toward his brother, and was perfectly fine. Well, maybe not perfectly fine.

“No, no, you gotta call the police. Call the police! Dad kidnapped him!”

“Albert, please.”

“Call them! Call them!”

“Albert.”

“Call! Carl, you gotta ca-!”

“ALBERT, CHILL THE FUCK OUT!” Carl snaps. “IT’S BEEN LITERALLY FIVE MINUTES SINCE YOU CALLED HIM! HE. IS. FINE!”

The older ginger goes silent for a short while, taking what his brother said into consideration. However, after a short trial in his head, he was right back to where he started. “…What if dad kidnapped him though?”

“God, dude…Mr. B, what the hell should I do with this dumbass?” Carl grumbled. Mr. B just stared.

Soon enough, the front door opens, revealing Eddie himself. He cheerfully trotted in with a smile, flowers clutched in his fingers from the meadow. “Heya, big bros!” Albert pounced on him like a leopard, checking him out for any sort of wound. Eddie, already used to this, continues to make eye contact with Carl and speak. “Look what I found! Aren’t they pretty?!”

Albert picks him up and twirls him around, happily laughing with him. “Yeah! They’re super pretty, Eddie! Come on, let’s put them in a vase together!”

“Nope! They’re for you! I decided on the way here, since it’s your birthday!” Eddie gushed, putting the flowers in his hair. He then hugged his older brother tightly, enjoying the attention he was receiving. “Happy birthday, Al!”

Albert set him down after the hug, patting head affectionately. “Thank you, lil bro. I’m glad you’re okay…”

“Of course I am! I was only gone for an hour!” Eddie chirps like a sweet dove.

“I tried telling him that…” Carl mutters, focusing on his game now that Albert was calmed down. “But he’s like…obsessed with you or something. It’s weird.”

Before Eddie could reply to that comment, George bolted out of the kitchen and into the living room as well. “BIG BROOOOO! You’re homeeee! Everyone missed you!” He hopped into Eddie’s arms, cuddling into his scarf. “It’s Al’s birthday now! Are we gonna give him presentssss? Are weeee?”

Eddie nods. “Of course! Now that we’re all here, I’m sure he wants to, right big bro?” Albert didn’t really want to because people were going to be looking at him, but whatever Eddie says is law to him. He quickly nods to show that he was excited, but inside, he was nervous. “Yay! Come on, come on!” Al shifts the weight on his foot, blushing heavily. Confused as to why he wasn’t following them, Eddie grabs his hand and tilts his head. “Big bro?”

“I don’t need a birthday present…” He murmurs. “Not after…what I did to you.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. It wasn’t everyday that Albert spoke about what happened back then, which showed that he was truly upset about it. His little brother merely smiles as if nothing was wrong, grabbing his hands and holding them close. “Big brother, you do deserve presents. Cause…cause you’ve changed. You’re better now, you make me happy.”

Albert presses back against Eddie’s hands, feeling relieved to see that pure smile back on his little brother’s face.

“I love you, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes shimmer with sparkles hearing those words. He then turned away, still holding his brother’s hand to lead him into the kitchen where all his presents were, replying back:

“I love you too, Albert!”

[hopevalley]

Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed! 

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

--

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

--

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome. 

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

--

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

--

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

--

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime. 

--

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them. 

--

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

--

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

--

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

--

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle? 

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

--

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

--

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that? 

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

--

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate? 

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

--

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

--

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

--

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this? 

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

[katslitg]

how the open heart LIs would react to june hirata ruining the moment (book 2, chapter 6) also, it’s sorta nsfw i guess

Jackie Varma:

you two had fallen in sleep in your bed together the night before, which was pretty common

sienna, elijah and aurora didn’t mind as long as you two didn’t make too much noise

so you had been laying there in her arms, your leg twined together when you the sun started shining on your face

“morning, babe” jackie said when she saw that you had opened your eyes, earning a groan in return

“what time is it?” “8.30 am” “ughhhhhhhhhh let’s just try to fall asleep again”

she chuckled at that before brushing her lips on your cheek

“jackie please it’s too early- ohhhhhh,” you’d protest, which didnt work since her fingers were making her way down

you started kissing her neck while she kept on teasing you

“ughhh jackie please,” you’d beg, while she’d just look at you with a lopsided smile

“what? what ya asking for hmm?” she’d tease, but you’d just roll your eyes in return, “you know what im asking for,”

she’d laugh a little but that sound quickly got replaced with groans once you returned the teasing favour

“mc, please...” “please what?” you’d mock her, this time she was the one to roll her eyes

she kissed you, wanting to stop the teasing when the door opened

“mc, we got a ca-, oh hi dr varma,” june’d stand there with a bright smile on her face while the two of you pulled the cover higher

june came into your room, looking around and humming to herself, “oh relax, it’s nothing i haven’t seen before,” she said as you two would pull the covers even higher

“can we have some privacy please?” jackie pleaded, clearly flushed

“oh yeah sure, mc dress nicely, i’ll see you downstairs in a couple of minutes” june said with a wink before leaving

you’d turn to jackie, only to burst out giggling

“i’m so sorry, babe. i’ll make it up once i get back,” you’d kiss her forehead before starting to get ready, much to her protests

once in the car, baz complimented your outfit before june spoke up

“so, dr varma hm?” you’d turn red before nodding, “yeah,”

“you guys are adorable together,”

Bryce Lahela:

he had stayed the night which happened pretty often, much to elijah’s sorta jokingly protests

“don’t make too much noise!” he’d joke often

you’d be awake before bryce, which was suprising since you’d always sleep till noon on your day off

after a couple of minutes of you starring at him, he started stirring awake too

“mornin’, handsome,” you’d say with a wink, earning a smile in return

“well, hello to you, too,” he’d say and kiss your forehead

“sleep well?” “oh, i slept great,” you’d say as you’d sit up straighter, leaning in to kiss him

“what was that for?” “what? cant i please the man of my dreams?”

he raised him eyebrow, but got the message once your head disappeared under the covers

he’d giggle as you kissed his stomach, i mean the sound quickly got replaced by heavy breathing, moans and him cursing your name

he’d hold on to your hair while his hands were twisting the covers, “god, mc,”

the door opened before either of you could even hear it

“mc, we- oh, jesus,” june would quickly hide her face behind the clipboard she had bought along and slowly walk out of the door, leaving it ajar

“we have a case, just please dress nicely and i’ll see you downstairs soon,” she closed the door before your head would be able to pop up from under the covers, cheeks crimson coloured

“well, that was....” “something? awkward? unexpected? w-,” you’d stop him by kissing his lips before getting ready

“i’m sorry, bryce, i’ll make it up to you once i get back,” with a kiss on his cheek you’d quickly leave

once downstairs, you and june quickly got into the car, the awkward atmosphere hanging in the air

“cute car, baz,” “thanks! her name’s helen!” he’d proudly beam, earning a snort from ethan

“why’re you guys so quiet?” baz would ask, after an awkward couple of minutes

“no reason,” june answered, a bit too quick making baz raise his eyebrow but not say anything

“i’m sorry for walking in,” she’d apologize quietly, hoping the man in the front wouldn’t hear

“oh, that’s alright,” a small smile planted on your lips, knowing it would be awkward for some time

Rafael Aveiro:

it wasn’t uncommon that rafael would spend the night, much to jackie’s protests

“no, no, no, not again! your room is next to mine! i hear everything!”

you’d giggle while rafael would blush and apologize to her and promised to be quiet

which happened the night before, but the second you woke up you felt him tracing your arm with his finger

“goodmorning, love,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine

it didn’t even take a second before you had turned around to kiss him, letting your hands roam his body

“we should keep quiet, wouldn’t want to wake jackie, now would we, doctor?” a blush had crept onto your face at the nickname he always used to call you when you were getting it on

“we would not-, ohhhhh” you’d moan a little as he kissed your stomach, only going lower and lower

with one hand you’d grip on his hair while the other one would twist the sheets, begging rafael

“please, raf....” he’d only tease you until you arched your back, making him laugh a little

“you little tease i- OH my god....” before you could say anything else he already had put his lips on your body

you hadn’t heard the footsteps and most definitely did not hear june come in

“jesus!” you’d yell once you saw the door open and rafael quickly covered you two up

she’d apologize before simply chuckling and closing the door, talking a little louder so you could hear her through it

“mc, we have a case. please dress nicely, i’ll wait for you downstairs.”

you’d giggle before pulling rafael in for another kiss, and then started getting ready.

“i’m so sorry, love. i’ll definitely pay you back when i’m off,” you winked at him before leaving

“nice outfit, mc,” baz would say when you got into the car, “thank you, baz”

you sat next to june, who had a weird smile plastered on her face, “soooo, the paramedic, hmm?” your face would turn red again

“yep” “you guys make a cute couple,” a blush crept on your face before you thanked her

Ethan Ramsey:

he had sneaked in the night before, not wanting to make the relationship public

you had woken up before him, but it obviously did not take long before he himself had woken up

“morning, babe,” you had been a bit too excited this morning, not really for a specific reason other than finally having a day off

“morning, mc,” he’d say, not really being a fan of cute coupley nicknames, making you roll your eyes

you’d kiss him and stradle his lap, “this early in the morning?” he’d ask, a little shooked

“sure, why not? what’s the worst that could happen? it’s our day off,” you’d say, slowly grinding on his lap

his moans were soft, trying not to wake or disturb your roommates

his hand were rested on your hips, gripping it a little harder whenever he’d enjoy your movements

you two had been busy, not hearing the door get opened

“OH. MY. GOD. i knew it!” you turned your head around to see june standing there with a smirk on her face

“june? what’re you doi- no, wait, get out of here!” ethan said, very shooked

“oh, come on it’s nothing i haven’t seen before,”

you’d jump off of ethan and pull the covers up, almost covering your face in embarrassment

“so this is why you didn’t pick up your phone,” june smiled at ethan before continuing, “anyway we have a case. dress nicely, see you downstairs in a bit,”

ethan would look at you, “i don’t even have nice clo-,” “you have some from the last time you were here, i washed them”

you two would quickly dress up and get ready,

“morning, baz.” you’d say when you entered the car

“goodmorning. why was dr. ramsey at your house?” he’d ask, probably just curious, “oh, we had to discuss something.” you’d lie while june would sit there with a knowing smile

“you look cute, mc, and ethan, nice outfit,” she’d tease, knowing you had clothes just laying there for him

“thank you, june,” ethan would say, making you roll your eyes

[thesvenqueen]

on to the next one, yeah yeah

S&B Episode 5

- ohhhh love this title slide yes yes - damn can y'all stop nearly killing Mal for one episode sheesh I get he is a soldier but my god dude - "no guns, no knives, no weapons of any kind" HA sure sure - YES. thank you for slightly teasing what the fuck the king is doing to poor Genya that fucking pig - "I want you to be careful...Poweful men." YES GENYA. I really, truly think Genya was ready to be Alina's friend more that the Darkling's spy but she just...couldn't do it but oh that warning says so much yo. SO MUCH. - D A V I D!!!!!! HI DAVID!!!! - Genya, I saw that slip up lmao you're adorableeeee - Bro, they are barely talking to each other but god they are flirting so MUCH RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD - yes she was talking to you David you dork - I fully appreciate them showing Kaz struggling to walk with his leg. I was nervous they'd just, ignore it but I'm so so happy they made sure to show it was difficult for him to walk without his cane after a long time. bless. - Jesper, you fucking flirt - lol never doubt Jesper on his knowledge of shit, he knows exactly what he's talking about - "or two hats" Alina lol - Oh Fedyor, you're adorable and BETTER HALF?!?! YOU'RE DATING IVAN OMG - Kaz wut?....wait.....there is a plan within a plan isn't there? - Ivan? funny? sure. - mmmm the manipulation and isolation from what she's known is complete and now there is just...the Darkling. - *eye roll* ughhhhhhh gross. - YOU ARE SUCH A FLIRT JESPER....and a good one at that, goodness - "I'm a terrible actor" boy that is a LIE - gd Zoya CHILL - mmmm, yeah that look tells me there is def a plan within the plan - WHERE. IS. YOUR. YOUNGEST. SON. BITCH. - Damn Alina said "fuck Mal" and is all confident now lol alright then, whatever works I guess - DAVIDDD you precious bean, I see you boy. That smile at Genya was so cute - Kaz, I uh, think you about to be proven wrong bout that but sure - She'll bring honor to us alllllllll - Oh Inej's reaction to Alina, bless it - Ok Jesper, get you some!! but now go date Wylan lmao - MAL!! YOU MADE IT! - preacher man can you just...not - yeah yeah Mal is here bitch what you gonna do? - Mal sensing the desperation, he knows something is up. Good move on bargaining to see her before telling him where it is - He answered you QUICK - Mmmm I feel like you weren't gonna tell her you manipulative git - I KNEW HE WAS UP TO SOMETHING WAS UP WITH HIM!!! I FUCKING KNEW IT THAT SNEAKY CONDUCTOR BITCH - Oh poor Marie :( - Yes Kaz, my boy KNEW - UGH You only knew about those flowers from Mal you fucking UGHHHHHHHHHH - plan f?? HA Kaz def has a plan Z at this point - Oh Mal you in danger boy - DAMN MAL I TAKE THAT BACK MY GOD BOY - gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross - he just happened to leave out the fact Mal is legit down the hall, the man she legit has been missing for MONTHS, so he could make out with her and pull her in more, UGH manipulating gross motherfucker - gotta admit that kiss before he left though, smooth but also GROSS - heeeeey Baghra, sorry you had to witness that lmao - Alina's face when she realizes she's been manipulated though, god that hurts. I really hate it for her - girl why do you never LISTEN JESUS - Limping man? bitch, who the fuck you talking to?? - THERES THE DIRTYHANDS I KNOW AND LOVE YES - God having to remember this is 3 years before Kaz becomes hella ruthless, much more than he is in the books and god getting the glimpse of that was *chefs kiss* - I N E J OH MY GOD SHE KILLED FOR HIM HOLY SHIT - Oh you could tell Kaz wanted to hold & comfort her but couldn't do it ughhhh - hehehehe yeah your girl gone bitch - oh shit mom and son going at IT. Get him Baghra - HAHAHA JESPER'S REACTION TO ALINA GETTING IN THE CARRIAGE I CAN'T HAHAHAHA - "just ask" Kaz is literally about to beat the shit out of you just tell him

SUCH. A. GOOD. EPISODE. WOWOWOWOWOW. The truth is finally coming out on the Darkling and it's beginning to crumble, lets gooooo. Also, the Wraith & Dirtyhands are beginning to emerge lets yeah yeah yeah I love it!!

[spockandawe]

Ideally, my crochet endeavors before taking a real break would include

1 snail shell

1 full snail

1 bubbalub

2 smaller creachers

(optional 3 eyeball monsters)

(also finishing the baby blanket but that’s easy shit)

But that is not looking. Great. For the hand situation. If I want to appease the symmetry demons with minimal nerve impacting.... I can stop at bubbalub, reserve the octopus for future child gifts, and mail each toddler a snail and a bubbalub. The bubbalubs are small and fast, and the second snail has been noticeably less exhausting than the first one, probably because now I know what the project wants from me. I really do want to make a cobra and/or winged snake, but that pattern can wait if it HAS to. 

Maybe I’ll try an eyeball monster during a meeting this week, and seeing what kind of hand strain I feel. I also don’t HAVE to send symmetrical packages. The two moms who know each other probably won’t compare notes, and even if they do, they’re both intensely practical ladies. And the other mom isn’t in contact with the others at all. Slash maybe I will Voyage to visit that family once I get a thumbs up rom the parental units (i was going to wait until vaccine to ask, but honestly, i should ask now, and figure out their comfort level and prerequirements)

Ughhhhhhhhhh it would honestly be so much more convenient for me if I was super hyperfixated on finishing one of my massive cross-stitches, there would be strain, but DIFFERENT strain. But instead, I expended all my gotdamn energy today restraining myself from doing just a LITTLE crocheting, just a LITTLE couldn’t hurt, what if I just finished that snail shell--

So fucking annoying, honestly, I get incredibly irritated with myself at times like this. I can’t focus on anything, not even my most favorite fic wips. Or even reading! Back to editing mtl for fun and profit, i guess (i kid, there is no physical or emotional profit to be found here. i can’t even link to what i’m doing because it would be a dick move asdagdvdasfs)

[tellywoodtrash]

ebss 15.07.19 lb

the episode is titled "kabir and pooja's endless tussle" so i'm already about 84% done, before even hitting play.

———————————————————————

why's he walking pair uthaa uthaake as if he's walking in water?

lmaoooooo @ him genially greeting all the guests he knows from way back.

pooja trying too hard to do beizzati but in vain. look at his smug smile.

oh ho, seems kabir was the rudra of the mittals, forever found behind the bar during parties. wonder if he has a special "punch" recipe too.

doesn't make a lot of sense though. first of all, kabir hasn't even been home in forever? even if he came home on leave, i doubt he'd spend his precious little time off on these corporate type parties. unless he was intentionally making the guests stiff drinks so that they could tolerate his dad, i guess.

sometimes, just sometimes, i really love this sassy dheent little shit.

this house is actually quite nice? probably doesn't pass mittal standards, but for my broke millennial ass that'll never own a house, really looks cute and cozy and ideal. (the nice terrace!!!!!!!!!!)

mummy is overjoyed that dhruv isn't out day drinking today.

but wait! mohammad decided to bring the mountain to him.

great. jusssssssst great.

poora aadha liter gatakne ke baad she's thinking about taste. best.

pooja is getting on my nerves so imma just focus on this one's wonderful face.

10 rs mein perk toh aa hi jaata hai, toh i'd be happy anyway.

lol she just can't staaaaaaaand his lack of reaction. what a loser.

tashan tashan tashan, dialogue dialogue dialogue.

lord, just make the fuck out.

idhar toh........ khair chodo.

these faces express my emotions perfectly.

kabir has taken on MC duties as well? what a self starter! aise toh end of week tak manager waali promotion pakki.

oh god oh god oh god he's talking about naach gaana. nooooooooo.

"naach gaane ki bina party thodi manhoos ho jaati hai. aur manhoos se yaad aaya, kaise hain aap????" lmaoooooo

zain's mimicking of varun dhawan mimicking salman is showing a little too much today.

putting her on the spot to sing. WHYYYYYYYYYY YOU LITTLE ASSHOLE BASTARD; I WAS ON YOUR SIDE TODAY.

they need to keep the show to such childish fuckery with each other. it would be so much better.

hahahahahaha the song she decided to sing is "khallaas" from company.

lmao his face. asshole.

god, the sexual tension.

OH NO. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO. HE'S TALKING ABOUT TOKEN OF APPRECIATION. HE'S GONNA GIVE HER THE 10 RS BACK ISN'T HE????? UGHHHHHHHHHH KABIRRRRRRRRRRR 

oufffffffffffffffffffff.

sis ab glass todne ka kya fayda???? kisne bola tha client meeting ke beech mein hi panga lene ko? your priorities have been all fucked up today.

ouff dialoguebaazi about always fulfilling his promises.

pooja jo ek glass bacha hai, uske sar pe maarti. might as well have finished breaking the whole set. ab yeh ek extra reh jayega.

oh ho. i do not care for hungover chachi, unless it's to see kabir dealing with her in his patented way. which is not gonna happen, so i really don't care.

sonali being most relatable as always.

dhruv finally fessed up.

"apni tarah chanda types ko bewdi bana diya." ok i kinda snickered.

emotional blackmail from mummy chalu.

dadaji is all GHAR MEIN SHARAAAAAAAB????? as if they didn't have hugeass fully functioning bar in their old house. hattttt buddhe, with your selective morality.

dhruv has no fucks to give. of course.

amma idk why you're bothering. these two idiots are not gonna listen.

why's he swaggering about like that? and i already know she's gonna trip him. i just know it.

yup.

but also lmao the way he fell? so exaggerated and dramatic.

hein ab yeh kaun?

who ever he is, he's woefully under-dressed for this party.

starts off itself with "you bloody waiter" so we already hate and are praying for a swift yet gruesome death for him. it's so convenient when the trash identifies itself right from the start!

even pooja doesn't like him.

ASDGLKFJDLKFJ HE JUST CALLED KABIR "YOU PAAPI GUDIYA" KAUN HAI YEH NAMOONAAAAAAA

snort. good.

also this is kabir's go-to fight move when *anyone* acts too smart with him huh? gender-neutral “don’t fuck with me” move.

"abbe oh dabbang minus 2, hatt parey, yeh mera beta hai."

oh. explains a lot. 

oh mannnnnnn, i'm going to have fun watching kabir fuck up this papa-puttar duo.

everyone is slightly turned on for kabir rn.

oh god pooja, haven’t you had enough drama for the day????? honestly, how do you even live with this much first/second hand embarrassment on a daily basis?

kabir why the hell are you even defending yourself to these ppl? like.............. what's the point? just go home.

lmaooooooooooooooo, i am really here for lafanga kabir taking out his frustration on chopra.

ugh pooja, you are really doing a taandav all over my last damn nerve with your rich bitch bullshit.

amma, like me, does NOT approve.

some closing shots of shrenu's amazing face to soothe my sadda hua dil.

———————————————————————

oh shit kameene baap-bete ne pooja ke soup mein kuch mila diya!!!!!!!

called it last week itself, that kabir would be her saviour against the chopras.

but also ugh, ghatiya forced “romance” scene jhelna padega kal.

[rinthehecker]

Phantom Planet oh god why

I’m back and already regretting my life decisions and only 3 minutes in!

Ok Danny could never beat vlad that easily before let’s be real

THERE IS NO FIRE IN SPACE

THIS IS NOT CORRECT

THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE

Oh so NOW you’re annoyed enough to want to end danny sure vlad mhm

THE DISASTEROID WOULDNT MOVE THAT FAST THROUGH SPACE ITD TAKE YEARS TO REACH EARTH THIS ENTIRE EPISODE IS NOT VALID THANKS NOPE

why am I doing this is regret everything

ughhhhhhhhhh can I not

OH joy fancy space montage wow butch you’re cool

Also why can the spectre speeder go in space it was built for the ghost zone what the heck

Ok sure there’s a lot worse than that u know what I’m not gunna question it agh

Honestly these ads are better than the actual show thanks dailymotion

I hate everything

You’re just reading my inner regret and suffering you’re welcome

Classic Jack Fenton

Hey technus

Valid honestly technus is a mood

Nice transformers ripoff

Bad pun nvm

Ok say what you want about this show but the humor is honestly great overall I love Danny’s one liners they’re a mood

Oh no

Masters Blasters

Why

Just no that’s not how this works

Rip technus he just got two saws to the chest lmao

Oh great vlad joy

What. About. Valerie. You. Know. The. Red. Huntress. THEY ARE UNNECESSARY WHY DO U NEED THEM JUST REPLACE THEM WITH VALERIE ITD BE SO MUCH BETTER

yes great plan sam let’s make Danny’s schedule more busy and make him fail all his classes by putting all his time into ghost fighting to be petty yep

DANNY. YOURE A GHOST. TURN INVISIBLE STUPID. AGH

Ok you literally can’t beat undergrowth like that we’ve been over this that’s why he needed ice powers in the first place this is so stupid

why am I doing this i hate everything

this is stupid thanks I hate it

TURN. INVISIBLE. OMG BOIIIII

hey. Guess what. Do I need to say it?

APPARENTLY I DO TURN INVISIBLE DUMMY

INVISIBILITY. A STANDARD GHOST POWER. TURN. INVISISIBLE.

Also why’s he so incompetent all of a sudden he’s not that bad at fighting ghosts this is slander I hate it

Also why would his underwear change every time none of his other clothes change from time to time when he transforms his underwear wouldn’t either but CONTINUITY? WHATS THAT RIGHT?

ughhhhhhhhh

I WANT A DANNY PHANTOM DOLL THATD BE AMAZING PLEASE THIS IS ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD THINGS ABOUT THIS WPISODE

I WANT A DANNY PHANTOM PLUSHIE

why would he attack the float his ghost sense didn’t even go off he’s not that stupid come on

Vlad you’re so extra literally stop

You really going to talk about this right in front of your parents why are u being so loud about ghost powers really?

Seriously

IT WONT TAKE AWAY YOUR POWERS YOU DUMB BOI ITLL JUST STRAIGHT UP KILL U WHY WOULD U DO THIS

YOU DONT EVEN HAVS TO TAKE AWAY YOUR POWERS DUDE JUST DONT USE THEM AT LEAST YOULL HAVE THEM IN AN EMERGENCY SAY.... idk... maybe a giant asteroid... shows up ina week the world goes goodbye.... hmmmmmmm

can I quit please

Don’t take away your powers just no

Bois that’s illegal u can’t go in and blast them in their own house what

Imma have to make this a multiple part post or it’ll be way too long hmm

I’ll make another like halfway

OH GOD IM NOT EVEN HALFWAY HHHHHHHHHHHH

Did you really just yell I’m going ghost a room away from the masters blasters who wanna capture u really boi

Ok this self hatred arc is really sad but it also makes no sense

Jazz yes please talk some sense into him

Also this is just really stupid

Yo Danny phantom he was just fourteen when he went into the portal and straight up died for real this time and the masters blasters walk into a room with his dead body yeet

THERES STILL 40 MINUTES RIP ME

This isn’t how science works someone please stop butch Hartman

What’s with the skunk stripe this is stupid

Rip the ghost portal

Go unghost lmao me

rude

He’s human. Great plan. That’s awesome right

Ok they could still be nicer to him dude be friends he’s happy when’s the last time he’s smiled like that let’s be real

They’re bummed because u made a dumb rash decision without thinking it through and will regret in approximately 10 minutes later in this episode

Oh no supernatural is ending just found that out rip

Anyway back to this garbage

Rip Fenton portal again

That hair is so bad why would you like it

Danny you literally know you can’t do anything to help you’re not a ghost

Boi

Ok imma end part one here will continue on a new post

[windandwater]

back from Finland and my nightmare flight situation got really fucking funny (and awful) at the end so I’m gonna tell you the whole goddamn thing. cut to save you from Airline Stories.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had to sprint through Heathrow to get to a flight, and it wasn’t my fault. that turned out to be just the beginning but here’s what happened.

airline randomly decided to change my flight to an earlier time

I found out about this from a 3 am text that I read at 8 am on my way to work

cool I have to leave work much earlier

I do that. it was about to rain in New York so it was a good goddamn thing. no subway delays at all.

I sit at the gate for a bit. an hour before boarding, there are still zero airline employees to be found

what the fuck.

I google my flight number. it is not at the gate I’m sitting at.

great.

I walk over to the new gate, the lady there explains “it got changed.”

fine. I’m still on time.

….

the flight is not.

the rain started while I was in the airport and New York is gridlocked, and they barely had enough flight attendants to take off

I check my flight information. I have a connection in Heathrow that’s an hour after my flight and my flight is delayed…you guessed it. an hour.

I’m definitely gonna miss my connecting flight

I accept this (I am on a lot of anxiety medication) to deal with when I get there (thank you, medication!) and go to sleep (so. much. medication.)

arrive in Heathrow

announcement on the plane says that the connecting flight to Helsinki is also delayed, and to see them up front if you are getting on that flight

so I talk to them

“they’re leaving at 8:20 (it is now 7:50), so you can make it but you have to BOOK”

me: “GOT IT.” *takes off*

*accidentally knocks off a baby’s blanket. does not stop, like an asshole. yells EXCUSE ME to every British person in the way, while elbowing them, I’m from fucking New York, MOVE*

“few people runnin' about” happens

gotta go through security first

lady at the desk spins her computer monitor to show me what it says when she scans my boarding pass: “please proceed directly to gate 9”

me: “TRUST ME I FUCKING KNOW”

someone in front of me for some reason has every glass bottle in the world, doesn’t speak enough English for the security people to explain that it’s fine so long as there’s  no food or liquid in them

somehow I get through and make it to the gate

“if you had been 10 minutes later you would’ve caught us, but you’re good!”

phew.

find out later that my family had a similar yet worse experience in Frankfurt. ha.

turns out that was only the fucking beginning. because I still had to come back. here’s how that went.

day 1:

I’m supposed to fly out Saturday at 3 pm. my brother is flying out Saturday at 7 am. Friday night, we are on our way to the BnB and I double check my email.

surprise! my flight has changed. now at 7 am.

ughhhhhhhhhh

fine. I’ll just go to the airport with my brother.

we do that. Air BnB host nice enough to wake up and drive us—for a price, but a pretty good one.

they had a sauna and I had to skip out on using it (I only got to do it once) and I was pretty upset. fuck you, airline.

get to the airport at the asscrack of dawn

I check my email in the car one more time

….

wait a second

the date on this is for Sunday

fuuuuuuuuuuck

screw it, I’ll wait around until their service desk opens and have them put me on a flight

1 hour: nothing

I try and call them. on a janky phone that has issues with phone calls

customer service is closed, because Europe

call the US number

customer service is open and in English but it rings a few times and then I get a message in Icelandic and it hangs up.

….I’m never flying a Scandinavian-based airline ever a-fucking-gain.

2 hours: nothing

fuck. this.

I start googling hotels by the airport instead. check into one. get a shuttle there. room itself isn’t too expensive, but not money I really have.

oh fucking well

I pass out.

wake up, have to leave the hotel to get lunch, come back and read Yuri on Ice fanfic

oh daaamn this hotel has a sauna

tight

get smoked reindeer pasta at the hotel restaurant

go to sauna again

go back the fuck to sleep

day 2:

airport shuttle at the asscrack of dawn but this time I’ve slept all day

feeling annoyed but optimistic. this will suck but at least I’m rested.

get to the airport

once again they have changed the airline on me. this was not self-evident in the email

haul my ass to the right terminal. thank fuck there are only 2.

that last sentence is foreshadowing

in line for getting my ticket (b/c of course I can’t check in at a kiosk) and two people in front of me are going through the same shit. airline answered their phone calls tho and promised them money back

feeling more hopeful

am now flying through Amsterdam. they can’t print my connecting flight boarding pass. I will have to get it printed at the airport when I get there.

there is only an hour between the flights

I am hit with a sudden premonition of doom

but am still hopped up on anxiety medication

here we go again!

make it to Amsterdam with no drama

phone battery is dying. my external battery stopped working abruptly and there’s no charger on the smaller planes. it wouldn’t charge at the gate; was plugged in but draining. I turn it off. charges 2%.

more foreshadowing

I get off the plane and have to ask where to go to get to the correct airline. someone directs me. it’s a different terminal. I run-walk over there, knowing what’s about to happen.

passport control. spend 5 minutes panicking that I don’t have an e-passport b/c I don’t know where to look for the logo. turns out it’s on the front cover! I’m a dumbass.

get there. can’t check in/print off boarding pass

oh boy

have to wait in line for a service rep

this wait takes 35 minutes

I get to the front. my seat reservation somehow does not exist

she manages to print off my ticket. and call them to tell them I’m coming.

looks me in the eye: “you run.”

me: “I run.”

I do that.

new gate is 2 more terminals away

Amsterdam is fucking big and I have now run across 3 terminals of it.

the Dutch are better at moving out of the way than the English

I make it to the gate and people are there yelling “New York? New York!!” make it on the plane. phone won’t charge. ...... great.

no podcasts for me! I watch a Stonewall documentary, a gay rom com, and a slew of nature documentaries.

at least I’m on brand.

make it to New York in one piece. meet a nice German lady and everything.

it was hell coming back here from Greece but from Scandinavia it’s fucking amazing.

anyway

slight panic after going through passport control. I handed them my receipt, promptly forgot I did that, then got my baggage and began looking for my receipt to show to the next set of cops.

receipt was gone

ummmmmm

I empty out my entire bag

nothing

I ask the lady next to me if they kept the receipt

she says yes they did and I nearly collapse. guess there’s no next set of cops this time around. it’s different every fucking time.

she sympathizes. we have a nice chat. she has family in Helsinki and just got back from Greece and Italy.

Scandinavians are not friendly. FUCK I missed New York.

because some people will assume otherwise if i don’t say so: it was not a white lady. I really really missed New York.

I manage to make it to my subway stop with no more drama than wondering why I’m the only person on the train

I realized literally this morning that it’s almost a holiday weekend. oops.

make it to my apartment door

they installed a new front door while I was in another fucking country

(there were issues with the old one)

sign on the door says go see the super. who never answers his door, only the phone.

my phone battery is now at 10%

….

super’s not answering his phone. or the door.

7%

text and call neighbors who live near me. leave messages. try not to panic.

feel raindrops

look up

there’s a storm cloud coming in

I hear thunder

this is the point where I started laughing

I try the super’s other number

“uhhh you changed the door”
 “you were sleeping!”
 “I was in FINLAND!” 
“okay, give me a minute, I’m on my way”

5%

turn phone off

super appears. I am not soaking wet and laughing hysterically. yet. if he’d been any later it would’ve been another story

make it inside. plug in phone. it’s at 3%

answer all my family’s frantic texts, order food delivery, take a shower, go the fuck to sleep, and sleep 14 hours. felt fucking great.

go to work today because it’s 4th of July and if I don’t I’ll only be in for two days. oh well!

[danfanciesphil]

Some Kind Of Folliful (New Chapter)

Edgelord!Dan x ObliviousBisexual!Phil AU [CHAPTER THIRTEEN] (based off the 80′s classic Some Kind of Wonderful)

Synopsis: Dan has one friend, and only because he was forced into it. Phil is loud, excitable, and irritatingly happy all of the time. Phil seems to find Dan’s perpetual attitude funny, and despite Dan’s best efforts to shun him and everyone else, wants to be around him all the time. That is, until Phil starts talking about Amanda Jones. Word Count: WIP (Estimated 12-15 chapters) updates every Tuesday Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smoking, swearing, heavy drinking, drug mentions, implied prostitution, broken home, class divide/classism, pining, light homophobia, sex

[Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven] [Chapter Eight] [Chapter Nine] [Chapter Ten] [Chapter Eleven] [Chapter Twelve]

[Ao3!]

This chapter is NSFW. Explicit. Sex happens. 

From: Dan To: Louise 13:23pm Can I have the weekend off?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:24pm This better be a damn joke

From: Dan To: Louise 13:25pm I worked the entire school holiday! Double shifts!

From: Louise To: Dan 13:25pm You also skived off two shifts to go get beat up by some rich kid

From: Dan To: Louise 13:27pm Please.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:30pm ughhhhhhHHHH FINE. I will give you today and Saturday off. Only because you never ask so I assume ur either violently ill or have a serious dick appointment.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:32pm :D thanks. srsly.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:33pm I expect details.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:34pm Don’t suppose I could wrangle Sunday too?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:34pm Don’t push it, Howell.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:40pm xxx

*

Despite his best efforts to remain cool and aloof, there eventually comes a point where Dan truly can’t resist looking over his shoulder any longer. He half-expects Phil to be looking right back at him. Instead, Phil is hunched over the small wooden desk in front of him, scrawling onto a pad of paper. His tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth, a tiny pink rose petal, resting on the jut of his lower lip. Just then, Phil looks up, as if he can sense Dan’s break in resolve. His eyes are shining with excitement, which makes no sense, as they are stuck in detention with Mr Richardson for at least another twenty minutes.

Furtively, Phil looks to the front of the room, where Mr Richardson is steadfastly refreshing his LinkedIn page, and then back to Dan. He lifts the pad up to show him, beaming. Centre of the page is a pencil drawing of Dan, slumped over his desk, forehead resting on his hands, in the exact position he’d been in until about a minute ago. Dan rolls his eyes, mouthing ‘creeper’.

Phil puts the pad down, then holds up an index finger to Dan, a signal for him to wait a moment. Dan sighs, pretending that keeping his eyes trained on Phil is some great effort. Truthfully, he’s incredibly grateful for Phil’s presence here. Dan has spent a great deal of time in this very chair, at this very desk, wishing for any kind of distraction or entertainment. Usually he wishes for something banal, like Mr Richardson’s pen exploding, or the stoner kid who sometimes sits in the corner desk to catch his dreads on fire with the lighter he’s always flicking under the desk. But having Phil here is a miracle that Dan had never so much as dared to dream about. He’s a gorgeous beacon of pure light, sat just the other side of the room, all too happy to return Dan’s mildly creepy staring. He holds the pad up to Dan again; this time, there’s a message on it.

Still up for coming over for the weekend? After work obvs. 

P.S ur cute 

xx

Shaking his head, Dan mouths ‘no work today’. The joy of this news lights Phil’s eyes an even more radiant blue. Dan lets the smile teetering on the edge of his mouth fall across his face. A cough startles Dan out of the moment, and he turns to the front of the classroom in time to watch as Mr Richardson strides down the few desks towards Phil. He lifts the pad close to his nose to read it, then sighs heavily.

“Touching,” he says, drily. “But I think Daniel can wait to hear how ‘cute’ he is until after detention, don’t you?”

Mr Richardson lets the pad fall to Phil’s desk with a loud thwack. It makes Phil jump in his seat, adorably.

“How’d you know it was directed at me, Sir?” Dan finds himself asking. It’s too tempting to resist; that little pulsing vein in Mr Richardson’s neck is pounding away as always, just begging to be engorged. “I think he was angling it your way.”

Mr Richardson whirls around to face him. “Would you like for me to double your sentence, Mr Howell?”

“He’s just kidding, Sir,” Phil jumps in quickly, which is probably good as Dan had been about to suggest he and Mr Richardson skip the courting stage and go straight back to his place. “I won’t write any more notes. Sorry.”

With what seems to be a great deal of effort, Mr Richardson lets go of the tension in his shoulders and nods to Phil, then makes his way back to the front of class. Phil sends Dan a look, which obviously reads ‘stop being a prat’, so Dan smirks down at the homophobic graffiti on his desk, and tries to be a good student for the next eighteen minutes.

*

On his way out of detention, Dan is so steadfastly trying to keep his head down and not meet Mr Richardson’s eye that he barrels straight into Megan, the girl he sees in here most days. Her jet black hair is pulled into two ponytails either side of her head; it’s too short to be tied up properly, so they stick out like bundles of feathers, secured by bright pink and purple bobbles. If Dan cared enough to ask her about her unusual style choices - the shiny lime green Doc Martens, the string of ropey bracelets and sweatbands up her wrists, the chunky neon beads she wears around her neck when she can get away with it - he imagines she might say she’s ‘Scene’. It doesn’t seem to bother her that the era of the Scene Kid has, thankfully, for most, been abandoned in the late noughties.

“Shit, sorry,” Dan tells her when he crashes straight into her, hot on Phil’s tail.

She glowers at him. Her kohl eyeliner is thick and scary-looking. “Sorry? That’s rich.”

“Uh, what?”

“You and the art ponce?” She jabs a thumb towards the classroom door, where Phil is lurking, watching Megan with a startled expression. “Really?”

Bewildered by her sudden hostility when he’s spoken less than a sentence to Megan in all the time they’ve been stuck in detention together, Dan just stares. 

“Is there some kind of a problem?”

“After all this build-up between us, you go and date a random dude?”

“Build up?” Dan’s stare becomes a little panicked. He glances at Phil, who appears to be sniggering into his hand.

“You mean to tell me that you're in detention every time I am by chance?” She sneers derisively. “Pull the other one.”

“Um, Megan, is it?” Dan asks tentatively, taking a hasty but hopefully discreet step backwards.

She claps loudly. “Round of applause for the acting skill. Dan, is it?”

“Right, yeah.” He swallows. “I’m sorry but… I’m gay. Did you think…”

Something falls across her pale face, as if she’s been struck. “Gay,” she repeats, voice at a far more reasonable volume now. Her thick eyeliner just looks panda-ish, suddenly. She tugs her chewed cardigan sleeves down over her hands. “Not bi?”

“Nope,” Dan says. Crap, this is awkward. He’s never had to come out to a random stranger before. Although perhaps Megan would argue that they’re close friends. “Just boys.” He glances at Phil. “One boy, actually, now.”

“Oh,” Megan says. She looks hurt. “I thought… because you’re always in here when I am...”

“I’m in here pretty much every day,” Dan tells her. He gestures to Mr Richardson, who appears to have fallen asleep on his own shoulder. “Thanks to my number one fan over there.”

She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “It’s just… everyone’s bi now, y’know? I heard rumours about you some of the guys around town but… I thought you were just playing the long game with me.”

Dan is finding it very difficult to put himself in Megan’s shoes here - he can’t even remember a conversation he’s had with the girl, let alone a moment that might lead her to think he had some kind of romantic interest in her - but he nods sympathetically anyway, hoping it might lead to a faster escape.

“Sorry if I gave off signals or something,” he says, awkwardly.

She shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“Um, I’m sure you’ll find someone?”

She nods, sadly. “I guess. I mean, you did, right? Nobody saw that coming.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, inching around her towards the door. Phil is looking at him, eyes tinged with amusement. Dan sends him a withering look, then turns back to Megan. “Guess if I can snag someone, anyone can, right?”

*

“...you’re like one of those horses with the blinders on,” Phil tells him, hands either side of his eyes in demonstration. “You’re so oblivious to all the people lusting after you every day-”

“Oh, come off it,” Dan interrupts, eyes rolling backwards. “Lusting. Please.”

“Dan, you’re off-the-charts gorgeous,” Phil says. He grabs hold of Dan’s hand and tucks it into his coat. It’s because Dan doesn’t have gloves on - doesn’t own any, even. It’s a sweet gesture, but it makes walking beside Phil a little awkward, especially when other people are walking the other way and have to squeeze past them. “You must see how people look at you.”

Dan shrugs, embarrassed. “Creepy guys at Ozone maybe. Girls, though? Like, actual, reasonably attractive girls. Why the fuck would they want a lanky, perpetually bruised idiot with too many holes in his flesh?”

Phil stops them mid-pavement, pulling Dan towards him, until they’re chest to chest. 

“Because, in an emo, heroin chic way, you’re extremely sexy,” he says, then kisses him. Dan tries to be annoyed that Phil basically just called him a 2002 Pete Wentz, but Phil’s tongue is distracting. It flicks against Dan’s lower lip, where the cut is still healing. “Miss the lip ring, though,” Phil murmurs. “That completed the look.”

“I can prob’ly re-pierce it,” Dan replies, muffled because Phil won’t stop kissing for even a second. “If it turns you on that much.”

Phil laughs, breaking away. “You don’t need a lip ring to do that.”

*

“I don’t like detention,” Phil says, then licks a long line up Dan’s throat.

“No?” Dan gasps out, fingers digging into Phil’s shoulders. He can feel one of the framed, childhood photos of Phil digging into his back, threatening to fall once Phil releases him. “I find Mr Richardson’s lectures on respecting teachers truly scintillating.”

“No, I don’t,” Phil says, pushing their mouths together greedily. “Two hours in a classroom, staring at you, nothing to do but think about all the time wasted that I could have spent doing this.”

“An hour and a half,” Dan corrects, so Phil kisses him harder to quiet him, hands planted on Dan’s hips.

In his time, Dan’s had plenty of selfish, greedy assholes backing him into corners, but nobody he’s ever actually wanted this badly. They’d barely gotten in Phil’s front door before Dan found himself pressed up against the wall of the entrance hallway; they’ve not even taken off their shoes. Vaguely, Dan registers a noise in the distance, and reasons it must be a dog in another room. Phil doesn’t seem to notice the noise, too focused on how far he can slide his hand up Dan’s shirt without removing it entirely. The noise gets closer, and Dan realises blearily, belatedly, that Phil doesn’t own a dog.

Just as this realisation crests, Mrs Lester rounds the corner. “Phil, love is that- oh!”

Phil jumps back at the sound of his mum’s voice, but it’s too late. She’s already seen the worst of it. Dan waits for the ground beneath him to split into a gaping hole into which he can tumble, but presumably because God hates him, it doesn’t happen.

“Mum!” Phil exclaims, breathless.

Dan runs a hand through his hair. “H-hi, Mrs Lester. Kath. Mrs Lester.”

She’s wide-eyed, cheeks rosy pink. In her hands she holds a pair of socks, which she seems to have forgotten are there. “Phil, could I have a quick word?”

Phil tosses Dan a look of apology, then follows him mum through the lounge and into the kitchen. Dan waits for a minute or so, straightening his shirt, trying not to think the worst, and then can’t battle his paranoia any longer. He creeps into the lounge, listening hard to the hushed conversation from the next room. If he stands in the space beside the bookshelf, he can just about make it out, whilst avoiding being seen.

“...thought you’d be gone already.”

“Yes, I can see that, love.”

There’s a pause; Dan can hear his own heart thumping.

“So, you and Dan are…”

“Yeah.”

“I see. How long have you been…?”

“Um, about two weeks? Just over.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Mum,” Phil says, clearly embarrassed.

“You could have told me, you know.”

“I was going to,” Phil insists. “I just… I wanted to make sure it wasn’t all going to explode. I don’t wanna pressure him. He’s even told me he doesn’t like people at school talking about us. He doesn’t even care about them. But he likes you, I know he does. I haven’t had a chance to ask him what he’d think about you knowing. If it might be a bit much for him. I’m just- I’m so scared I’m gonna say something wrong and he’s gonna bolt. You know what he’s like.”

Dan frowns. Phil is really worried that he’s going to bolt?

“Okay, I understand your concerns,” Kath says, kindly. “But I still think if he’s going to be staying here, I ought to be aware-”

“Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m sorry,” Phil says. “But nothing’s changed really. He’s just been coming over for Buffy marathons and hot chocolate after he’s finished work, like always.”

“Hmm, well that certainly was not a Buffy marathon I just walked in on.”

Phil laughs, and Dan thinks he hears Kath tittering too. “Sorry you had to see that. So embarrassing.”

Kath sighs, and there’s shuffling noises. Dan thinks maybe she’s giving Phil a hug. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. Hope you know that.”

“You are?” Phil’s voice is muffled, like he’s speaking into her shoulder.

“Just took me by surprise is all. I mean, I always wondered if maybe you had a little crush on him…”

“I think, in hindsight, it was quite a bit more than a little crush.”

Another long pause. “Well, Dan’s a very lucky boy, then.”

“You’re really okay with it? He can still come over in the week and stuff?”

“Of course,” Kath replies in that kindly, mumsy voice Dan loves her for. His heart aches at the sound of her easy, ready acceptance. She makes motherhood seem so simple. She’s an open book, filled with endless words of love and support, more than happy for anyone who needs it to rip out a page. She saves the best of her chapters for Phil, of course. But there’s some passages bookmarked especially for Dan, too. “Do be careful with him, won’t you, Phil?” Her voice is thick with concern. “That scary mask he wears might fool some people, but you and I know it’s made of thin, breakable glass.”

Dan frowns again, mildly irritated that she sees him as a fragile little flower, but he has to begrudgingly admit that Kath has never once fallen for his tough-guy façade. The first time he ever met her, he was his usual cagey and brooding self, unconcerned with making a good impression on any parent. But much in the same way Phil had, she wore his shell away with persistent sweetness. She invited him to stay for dinner, and gave him second helpings without asking, then chocolate biscuits with tea. She asked him a thousand questions, and didn’t mind if he preferred not to answer them, but listened intently if he did. She told funny stories about Phil as a kid. She told him to come back anytime he wanted, even though he was basically a dick all night. She’d been unrelentingly nice and caring, in a way that Dan had never before felt from an adult.

“Don’t worry,” Phil assures her. “I think I’d give him the whole world if I could.”

“And… what happened to that Amanda girl you brought round? I thought you were besotted with her?”

Dan’s stomach clenches.

“We’re just friends.” The surety in Phil’s voice is like a blanket Dan wants to clutch to his chest.

“Okay then. Well, I guess I’d better get going,” Kath says in a sigh. “I was just finishing packing.”

“Tell Auntie Pat I say hi,” Phil says. “And stroke Mittens for me.”

Alarmed by the movement he suddenly hears, Dan sneaks back through the lounge towards the hall, managing to make it out just before Phil and his mum exit the kitchen. 

“Phil, just one last thing,” Kath says from the lounge, her voice so quiet Dan can hardly pick it up. “You two will be safe, won’t you?”

“Oh my God, Mum, please-”

“Phil, I’m asking for your own good-”

Dan has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop the laugh escaping.

“Yes, fine, wow, we’ll be safe I promise.” Phil says in a rushed garble. “Now I never ever want to speak about this again.”

Kath laughs quietly. “Fine. You’re sensible, I know. But I am your mother, I have to make sure.”

When Phil rounds the corner, he looks vaguely traumatised. Kath is right behind him, a calm smile on her face. Dan smiles back, unsurely, trying to seem as though he has no idea what they’ve been discussing. Kath crosses the hall towards him at once, and wraps him in her arms. Dan feels a little choked up, but manages to remain composed enough to return the hug, gently patting her on the shoulder. She releases him without comment, for which Dan is incredibly grateful, and then starts up the stairs.

“There’s plenty of food in the house boys,” she says as she goes. “Help yourselves, both of you. I’ll be back on Sunday.”

Once she’s out of sight, Phil begins spewing apologies. “...had no idea, I thought she’d have left ages ago because we were all that time in detention-”

“Phil, it’s okay,” Dan says, laughing. “Mortifying, obviously. But not the worst position I’ve been caught in by someone’s mum. And your mum is by far the coolest.”

“Bit of a mood killer, though,” Phil says, sighing.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah.”

They stand in silence for a moment, both reliving the look on Kath’s face as she’d first caught sight of them.

“Wanna watch a film for a while? Take our minds off it?”

“Absolutely.”

*

Three hours after Kath leaves, and they’re on their second film of the evening - Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s not helping ease the tension hovering around them, because Phil had said right at the beginning that he’d always kind of fancied Russell Brand, and now it’s all Dan can think about.

“Would you have sex with him?”

Phil wrinkles his nose. “Dunno.”

“Like, if he was here right now,” Dan persists. “Leather trousers, birds nest hair. Asks you to pop your kit off and join him in the cupboard.”

Phil laughs, playing with a popcorn kernel from the almost empty bowl. “Um, no.”

“No?” Dan turns, avidly interested, as ever, in Phil’s elusive sexual preferences. “Why not? He’s had the experience. So, he’d probably be decent at it, at least.”

“Yeah, well, even so.”

There’s something halting, maybe even reluctant about Phil’s tone. Dan might be imagining it, but he thinks Phil’s mildly uncomfortable with this discussion. Dan decides to prod just one last time, to see if he can get whatever the discomfort is out of him, and then he’ll drop it.

“Is it ‘cos he looks a bit, like, grubby?”

Phil laughs again; his cheeks have turned pink. He flicks the popcorn kernel away. “Look, I’m sure Russell’s great in bed. Fantastic, maybe. But right now, I only wanna have sex with you.”

The breath catches in Dan’s throat. As the unexpected statement sinks into his skin, the tension he and Phil have been stewing in fizzles away. He crawls across the sofa - Dan had jumped to the opposite side of it after a startling reappearance of Kath, hands over her eyes, shouting something about leaving her scarf behind and that she wasn’t looking - until he’s close enough to straddle Phil’s lap. He winds his arms around Phil’s neck and kisses him, slowly, taking his time, because they have oodles of it. 

Phil is eager and responsive in the way that Dan imagines he might have been himself, if his first time had been with someone he actually liked. Dan had been too young to appreciate what he was losing, and to whom; he regrets it immensely. He’s determined that Phil’s experience will be different. This sweet, incredible boy deserves so much more than some vaguely nauseating fuck in the back of a car that’s over in less than a minute, and that the other party won’t even remember. If Dan is honest, he believes that Phil deserves more than anything Dan can possibly offer, but if Dan is what he wants, then Dan will do his best to make it perfect.

They’re just getting into it, just starting to find their way beneath hems and waistbands, when the doorbell rings.

They break apart, a little dazed.

“We could ignore it?” Phil suggests, and Dan is more than on board, so swoops back in to kiss him again.

A minute passes, and then it rings again.

Dan sighs, reaching for the remote to shut Russell up once and for all, then climbs off Phil’s lap. Phil stands a little shakily, smoothing down his school uniform, and goes to get the door. Dan idly flicks through his Twitter timeline on his phone, waiting for him to return.

“Amanda,” Phil says, somewhere in the background. Dan shoots upright, swivelling to look. He can just make out Phil, and a vague, familiar silhouette on the doorstep. Her brown curls give her away.

“Hey,” Amanda says. “Is this a bad time?”

Dan gets up, his feet marching him to the door without his permission.

“Well, actually,” Phil starts to say, but then Dan is at his elbow. Phil blinks at him, worriedly.

“She wanted to talk to you,” Dan says. “She told me. You should invite her in.”

*

“I can leave, if you want,” Dan says, because nobody is saying anything.

Phil sits up straight, staring at him. “No, don’t.”

“It’s okay, I can go for a walk or-”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to both of you.”

They both turn to Amanda, vaguely worried. She’s got her hair in a messy ponytail, and is wearing jeans, which Dan cannot remember ever seeing on her before. He doesn’t remember her being at school today either.

“Okay,” Phil says. “Did you want a drink or something? I’ve got tea, or-”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t stay long.”

Dan stares at her hands, clasped in her lap. Her French manicure tips are peeling off. She’s sat in the exact spot on the sofa where Dan had been perched atop Phil’s lap not ten minutes ago.

“I basically just wanted to tell you both that there are no hard feelings,” she says carefully. She aims a smile at each of them, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “At least on my end.”

“That’s good to know,” Phil says, softly. The guilt is still coursing through him, it’s plain to see.

Dan doesn’t respond. He can feel his fingernails digging into his palm, the way they tend to do when he’s trying to suppress some awful emotion he doesn’t want to feel.

“I really am happy for you both,” Amanda continues. She clears her throat, a tiny, perfect crease between her plucked brows. “I know you feel like you used me, Phil. And Dan, I know you must think I’m, like, the ultimate cockblock.”

You have no idea, Dan thinks privately.

“But I’m glad that, even though I didn’t know it at first, I was able to help you both to get what you really wanted.” In her following sigh, Dan’s suspicions are confirmed; this touching speech is not the real reason she’s here. “But - and again, I’m not blaming you guys - after all that’s happened, I’m sort of... in a tricky spot.”

Phil is immediately alarmed. “Is it Hardy? Is he bothering you again?” Dan considers ramming his fingers in his ears so he can drown out the concern in Phil’s voice. He turns to Dan. “You said you scared him off.”

“How is this my fault?” Dan snaps. “If he’s harassing her it’s not because I didn’t punch him hard enough. It’s because he’s a knob.”

The response is about to trip of Phil’s tongue, but Amanda gets there first. “No, guys, it’s not Hardy. Well, not directly.” She shifts in her seat. “The Elite gang are pretty harsh about anyone that doesn’t follow la regle de jeu.”

“La what?”

“The rules of the game,” Dan mutters; Phil glances at him, surprised. “Their game. Shocker, really. They always seemed such an easygoing bunch.”

Amanda raises her eyebrows at him. “Yes, we’ve established that I’m an idiot for going anywhere near them, Dan.”

It’s infuriating that she doesn’t ever try to defend herself. Dan’s not used to having someone so readily accept their own folly. Her acknowledgments knock Dan’s insults right back over to him, and he’s never prepared to swing his racket in time to catch them.  

“Wait, so, it’s all of them?” Phil asks, clearly not following the game. “The whole Elite gang are giving you trouble?”

“Have you ever seen Mean Girls?” Amanda asks. “It’s not like they’re knocking my books out of my hands, or shoving me into lockers. But they’re bitchy and they’ve got the whole school under their thumbs. Together, they’re perfectly capable of destroying my life, and they seem pretty intent on it.”

“Are you saying that going to Prom with Phil is akin to committing ‘social suicide’?” Dan asks bitterly, putting the Mean Girls term in a fake American accent. “What a touching sentiment.” He scoffs. “I’m so sick of this stupid playground drama. What are we, twelve?”

“Dan,” Phil warns.

“No, I get it,” Amanda says, looking down. “He’s right. It’s completely pathetic. Even when I was taking part in it, I hated it. Keeping up with the Elites was exhausting. The constant battle for Queen Bee. The lies and the backstabbing, everyone secretly despising each other. And being with Hardy was just embarrassing. Everyone knew he was cheating. The whole discussed it,  laughed about it, and I had to pretend like I was too ditzy, too lovesick over him to notice.” She puts her head in her hands. “I thought that, maybe, if I took a huge leap, right back over the tracks, I could escape it. That’s why I said yes to you when you asked me, Phil. I saw a chance at some normalcy and I took it. It wasn’t fair of me, I know that. But in a way, we were both sort of using each other, right?” 

There’s a lull in the discussion; Phil aims a worried look in Dan’s direction. Dan begins chewing the skin around his thumbnail. 

“I’m sorry that I’m even asking this,” Amanda says then. She looks up at Phil, then at Dan, eyes shining. “But I need your help.”

Phil sucks in a breath. “What is it?”

Something in Dan’s chest crumbles and breaks away. It seems so unlikely that Phil could be over her, if he’s this willing to jump to her aid, even now.

“It’s not much,” Amanda says quickly. “School is over in a couple of months. I just want to get through it. Lillian and the others are turning the whole school against me. People say horrible things. They leave notes in my locker. They spread rumours. I’m sure you’ve heard.”

Now that she mentions it, Dan does recall hearing a few strange things about her recently. He hadn’t paid much attention - he’s usually bored to tears by high school gossip - but hearing that she’d been seen leaving the Savoy hotel in a new designer dress on the arm of a seventy year old man, or on the other end of the spectrum, dancing on a pole in a poor, cheap disguise at a seedy strip club two towns over, had caught his attention.

“What can we do?” Phil asks. 

Dan wants to make it very clear right now that he is not, and will not ever be, getting involved in this. His mouth won’t seem to form the words, though. 

“I need friends,” Amanda says. Dan waits, but this appears to be the extent of it. “Just to hold the rumours off a bit. If they think I have people on my side, maybe they’d be less vicious. All you’d have to do is sit with me a few times at lunch, or hang out with me outside of school now and again. Maybe I could come to the café every once in a while? Then you wouldn’t even have to make the effort-”

“Amanda,” Phil interrupts. “It’s fine. Of course we’ll be your friends.”

The relief on her face is too overwhelming to be faked. Even so, Dan is not willing to offer his own services as a friend. It’s taken him this long to be comfortable with having just one. Even Lee is still on a trial period. 

“It’s just until school’s over,” she says again. “I just can’t take it on my own. I thought I could, and I tried, but they’re just… they’re terrible people. Lillian’s sister is in Aidan’s class, I’m so worried about what could get back to him-”

“It’s okay.” Phil’s smiling, happy this has all been cleared up so neatly. “I got you into this mess, it’s the least I can do.” He turns. “Right, Dan?”

Dan tears a strip of skin from his thumb with his teeth. He wants so badly to say no. He wants things to go back to how they were, for Amanda to crawl back to Hardy, who would undoubtedly be all too happy for the only believable beard he’s ever grown to fix itself back in place. But for some reason, Amanda “Elitist” Jones is suddenly hellbent on doing the right thing. Even Dan knows that to refuse being someone’s friend, for two measly months, is a dick move that cannot be justified, no matter how suspicious he might be of potential motives. If he says his no, Phil won’t understand. He’ll be angry. Their weekend will be ruined, and so might be their future.

So, Dan swallows it all down. “Yeah, totally.”

Phil beams at Amanda. “Oh, by the way, I have your jacket.” He stands suddenly, and Dan feels a little ill. “Wait here.”

He jogs out of the room before Dan can beg him to stay, leaving he and Amanda alone. She fixes him with a knowing stare. “You’re not happy with this.”

Dan thinks about lying, but decides against it. “No, I’m not. You could beg anyone to be your friend for two months. The Elites might be getting people to shun you, but you’re still Amanda Jones. Just smile sweetly and anyone in St Anthony’s would do whatever you say.”

“Exactly,” Amanda says. “I want real friends. People who I can actually talk to. Not Elite wannabes that put me on some ridiculous pedestal, only hanging out with me because they see an open position on the throne.”

“I just don’t see why it has to be him,” Dan says, gripping the arm of the chair. 

“Him?” Amanda’s smile is as treacherous as it is sincere. “Dan, I want to be friends with you.”

*

As usual, the dust takes a while to settle in the wake of Amanda’s departure. Phil brings Dan a mug of tea, handing it over cautiously. Still sat in the same position in the armchair, Dan takes it from him, still mulling over all that’s happened. 

“So,” Phil says, perching on the arm of the sofa. He sips from his own mug. “That was unexpected.”

“Mmm,” Dan says. His mind is whirring, producing the kind of noise Phil’s laptop makes when it’s overheating from excess Sims playing. “Guess we’re all besties now.”

“Is it a problem for you?”

Dan considers this, finger skimming around the rim of his mug. “I think... I can get past it.”

Phil nods unsurely, scrutinising Dan��s glazed expression. “You sure? If it really bothers you, we can try and find another way.”

Dan takes a sip of his tea. It’s faintly sweet, because Phil knows Dan too well to believe him when he says he doesn’t take sugar.

“Just don’t fall in love with her,” Dan says into the mug. He means it to come out as a joke, but inevitably it’s spoken quiet and sombre.

Phil puts his mug down, then walks to Dan. He takes him by the hand and pulls him from the chair, then wraps him in a hug. “No chance of that,” he says into Dan’s forehead. “I’ve got something a thousand times better.”

*

“No!”

Dan wakes up with a jolt, hands coming up to cover his face, because shouts usually mean he’s about to get smacked. He hears a quiet ‘shit’ and then arms come around his shoulders; his heart slows gradually, and then Dan remembers where he is, and that he’s unlikely to be in danger of getting pounded in Phil’s bedroom. At least not in any way he’d need to defend himself from.

He lowers his hands, blinking in the darkness. “The fuck?”

“Sorry,” Phil whispers, guiltily. “Didn’t mean to frighten you. We fell asleep.”

Dan squints, trying to piece this together. “So you screamed ‘no’ in my ear?”

“I’m annoyed at myself,” Phil explains. “We’re supposed to be in the throes of passion.”

Dan snorts, falling back to the pillows, exhausted. “Russell’s a bad influence on you.”

Phil prods him in the arm, then falls back beside him. “I’m sorry. I promised you a weekend of sordid, non-stop lovemaking. So far, the two worst people that could have interrupted us mid-sexy-times did, and now we’ve fallen asleep in our not very arousing Elmo and Game Of Thrones pyjamas.”

Dan laughs tiredly, eyes already re-closing. “We’ve got loads of time for all that.”

“Tomorrow I’m gonna ravish you,” Phil warns, though by the sounds of it he’s already half-unconscious.

“I’d better prepare my body for the ravishing ahead.”

Phil swats him in the arm. “You’d better, Howell.”

*

They don’t get up until noon, for no good reason other than Phil’s bed is ridiculously comfy. Dan wakes up with his nose in Phil’s neck, so he presses a kiss there, then another, and eventually Phil stirs.

“Hey,” Dan says, then rolls on top of him.

Phil’s blue eyes blink up at him, wide and surprised by the sudden change in positions. “H-hey,” he says. “What’s-”

Dan leans in and kisses the question away. Somehow, Phil still tastes wonderful, even first thing in the morning. Dan can’t be sure the same can be said about his own morning breath. He lets himself sink into the kiss regardless, hands beginning to wander beneath the covers, skidding over the strip of skin where Phil’s pyjama top has ridden up in the night.

Phil’s breath hitches, and then his hands come to Dan’s shoulders, gently rolling him off. Dan sits up, worried. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil says quickly, sitting up as well. The covers fall to his waist. He gives Dan a reassuring smile. “Sorry, just… too hot.” There’s a pause as Dan digests this lame excuse. “I’ll make some tea. Do you want some tea?”

“Um,” Dan says, thrown. “Coffee, maybe?”

“Sure,” Phil says, tossing the covers aside.

He stands up quickly, snatching the mugs they’d used last night from the bedside table. Once he’s left the room, Dan stays put for a second, trying to figure out the next what might have just gone wrong. Eventually, he decides to quell his pounding paranoid thoughts, and follow Phil downstairs. In the kitchen, Phil is whistling away as he clatters mugs and kettles about, happy as a clam. Though he finds this sudden turnaround odd, Dan makes the choies to just forget about it. Perhaps Phil was just hot and uncomfortable in the first few minutes of waking, like he said. Or, more likely, maybe Dan’s breath was actually too terrible to withstand the kissing a moment longer, let alone anything else.

“I’m just gonna go brush my teeth,” Dan calls to Phil, making him jump. He turns, hand on his heart, giggling at himself.

“Cool, do you want some toast?”

“Sounds great,” Dan says, then heads for the bathroom.

They eat toast on the sofa together, watching Good Morning Britain.

Licking the crumbs from his fingers, Dan says, “Piers Morgan’s definitely the kind of guy who’d refuse to go down on his wife, but expect her to give him a twenty minute blowjob.” Dan turns to Phil, who is staring at him dazedly. “Like DJ Khaled. Y’know?”

Phil’s eyes are glazed, fixed on Dan’s fingers. His plate of toast crusts is slipping off his lap.

“Phil?” Dan asks. 

He focuses suddenly, snapped back into the room. “Hm? Sorry, what was the question?”

Dan regards him curiously, lowering his fingers from his mouth. “Don’t worry,” he says, turning back to the TV.

A couple of hours later, they’re still on the sofa, because they’re lazy and it’s the weekend. Dan has his feet on Phil’s lap, his back against the other end of the sofa. They’re watching Jeremy Kyle, one of Dan’s all time favourite shows, and laughing at the ridiculous drama erupting on stage.

“To be honest, if some chick told me my boyfriend had fucked her brother and her Dad, I’d probably tackle him on live TV too,” Dan says. He’s got one arm behind his head, and the other resting across his stomach, idly tickling the skin on show. He turns to Phil, amused by the antics on screen. “So don’t try anything, yeah?”

Again, Phil is doing that strange, distant stare. This time his eyes are firmly fixed on Dan’s abdomen, pupils moving in time with the back and forth of Dan’s fingers. A slow smile creeps over Dan’s face, and realisation dawns.

“Phil,” he says again. His voice is a fair bit lower now. “Phil?”

“Hm?” Phil’s eyes are still trained on his fingers, so Dan pushes them just under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, and Phil looks up, cheeks pink. “Is there something you want?”

Phil swallows. “I was just…”

Dan sits up, feet lifting from Phil’s lap, and closes the gap separating them. He reaches for the remote, switching off the TV, and brings his mouth to Phil’s ear. 

“You can have me whenever you want, you know,” he purrs. “If the staring isn’t doing it for you.”

A shiver goes through Phil, Dan can feel it. He slides onto Phil’s lap for the second time this weekend, careful to watch his face for any sign he might not be into this. There’s an uncertainty in his eyes that Dan wants to get rid of, so he settles himself atop Phil’s thighs, and brings Phil’s hands to his hips.

“You still up for some…” Dan arches an eyebrow. “Fun?”

Phil swallows again, his hands tightening on Dan’s hips. “Yes.” He sighs, eyes fluttering closed. “Sorry. I’m just… nervous, I think.”

“Of me?”

“No,” Phil says in a breath. Dan can feel his leg jiggling, because he’s sat on it. “I just… I mean, I know you’ve done this a lot.”

“Wow,” Dan says, sitting back a little. “Cheers.”

“I’m just kinda daunted,” Phil explains. “What if I suck?”

Dan has to fight the laugh that bubbles up rather hard, and he doesn’t entirely succeed. “Um…”

Phil pokes him in the side, making him yelp. “You know what I mean.”

“Hm,” Dan says, already sliding off Phil’s lap, onto the floor. He kneels on the carpet, a hand on each of Phil’s knees. “Sounds like your worries have got you quite worked up.” Phil’s mouth has fallen into a little ‘o’. Gently, Dan pushes Phil’s knees apart. “Let me…” Dan bites his lip, holding Phil’s gaze. “Help you to relax.”

He waits just enough time for Phil to have the option of refusing, but he remains blissfully, mercifully quiet, just watching Dan with wide, fluttery eyes. As Dan leans forwards, tracing his tongue along the seams running along Phil’s inner thighs, Dan imagines he can hear an Angelic chorus. He curls his fingers around the waistband of Phil’s trousers, inching them down, eyes locked on Phil’s, just in case he might protest.

“Lift,” Dan whispers once they’ve reached a point he can’t pull them past. It takes a moment for it to register, then Phil cants his hips upwards, and Dan tugs. The dark hair beginning at his bellybutton snakes down, spreading into a tight thicket at the base of a long, thick, flushed cock. Dan can feel his mouth filling with saliva at the mere sight. “Fuck-ing hell,” he breathes, wonderingly, and wraps his fingers around it, forgetting to stop and ask if it’s still okay. “Phil, you’re gorgeous.”

Phil’s hips twitch, and Dan reorients himself, remembering that this is, in all likelihood the first time anyone’s touched Phil this way, aside from his own hand. Dan moves his hand gently, watching the expressions of awe flicker across Phil’s face. He’s breathing in short stutters, hips twitching forwards, like he wants to thrust into Dan’s fist. It takes about a minute of gently pumping his curled fingers up and down, before Dan’s resolve breaks. He leans in, fist still wrapped around the base of him, and swirls his tongue around the head.

Phil sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, one hand flying out to rest atop Dan’s head. “Fuck,” he says, eloquent as ever. 

Dan lets out as snort of laughter, which comes out as a pulse of breath through his nose. Phil tastes so good. He tastes as delicious as he does everywhere else, like he’s got waffle syrup pumping through his veins instead of blood. Dan knows, the second Phil’s flavour spreads across his tongue, that he’s addicted to it. He sinks his mouth over Phil’s length, chasing more, already so blissed out it’s a wonder he can stay focused; he’s wanted this for so long that it’s practically torturous to finally receive it. Like giving a child access to an entire candy store, allowing it to gorge itself, after months of only peering longingly through the locked doors. A whimper falls from Phil’s lips, scraping past Dan’s ears on its way to the floor. Dan pockets it for later, knowing it will be very helpful for the late nights Dan spends alone, thinking about all the many, many ways he wants to make Phil come.

“Dan…” Phil chokes out, sounding strained. Blindly, Dan reaches out a hand, and Phil threads his fingers through it immediately. “Dan, fuck. I don’t think I’m gonna last very l-long.”

Ignoring him entirely, Dan just sinks deeper, unable to suppress a groan, born from the thrill that courses down his spine as he feels the length of Phil’s cock sliding down his throat. He goes slowly at first, letting Phil slip in and out of him gently as he bobs his head. But Phil’s whimpers are turning into needy little whines, his hips are threatening to push further into the cavern of Dan’s mouth. So Dan places a hand on Phil’s upper thigh, and picks up the pace. It’s beyond any kind of pleasure Dan’s ever known, to watch, to feel, to taste, as Phil completely falls apart under his ministrations. He meets Phil’s eyes, holding the gaze because he wants to witness every last second. Phil’s got a hand threaded into Dan’s curls, pushing the hair from his eyes. Dan’s name falls like dewdrops from his reddened lips.

And then, just as he warned, it seems he can’t hold on any longer. He tastes like sweet, sun-warmed rainwater as he floods Dan’s mouth. In Dan’s wildest imaginings of this moment, of which there have been many, he never once dreamed of spitting it out, and now, he wouldn’t do it if you paid him. He swallows all of it down, then lets Phil slip out of his mouth slowly, missing the thick, heavy weight of him on his tongue the moment it’s gone. He sits back on his ankles, breathing ragged, and untangles their fingers.

“Feeling a little less tense?”

Phil still appears to be struggling to glide back down to the real world. He sits up, with some effort, and latches his pupil-blown eyes onto Dan’s. “Come here,” he demands, croakily.

Dan’s never been one to deny Phil, and it would be hopeless to think he could start now. He hops up, clambering back into Phil’s lap happily. The moment he’s close enough, Phil drags him in for a kiss. Dan tries to stop him, knowing he’ll only be tasting himself, but apparently this doesn’t seem to bother Phil. He kisses Dan deeply, hungrily, hands slipping straight under his t-shirt, and then pulling it off entirely. Dan chuckles at his eagerness, and then abruptly stops laughing when Phil reaches between them, to press his palm against Dan’s erection, through his pyjamas. Instinctively, Dan bucks into the touch, hands going for the back of Phil’s head. Phil strokes his thumb across the very spot where the tip of Dan’s cock pokes against the fabric. Dan tilts his head to one side, and Phil’s mouth goes straight for the exposed neck, kissing and biting at it.

“Not fair,” Dan complains, though he’s urging Phil onwards with a hand on the back of his head. “You know that’s my weakness.”

Phil finishes sucking what Dan imagines is a very large bruise, then leans back, eyes sparkling. “I warned you I’d give you another one to match.”

“Lesters always follow through,” Dan jokes, and Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s bare waist, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“Will you come upstairs with me?”

Dan is a little surprised, but he nods regardless. He climbs off Phil’s lap, realising for the first time just how ridiculously, achingly hard he is, mostly because of how lightheaded he feels when he attempts to stand. Luckily, Phil, pyjama trousers pulled back up, takes hold of his hand and leads him up to his room. As soon as they’re inside, Phil shoves Dan backwards, sending him sprawling across the bed.

“Hey,” Dan complains, though he’s laughing. “Didn’t know you were into BDSM.”

“You would look pretty hot tied up,” Phil says unexpectedly, scooting around the bed to dig in his bedside drawer. “But maybe we could try that another time, when I’m less terrified.”

For a moment, the smile on Dan’s face freezes. “You’re terrified?” He watches Phil, concerned. “You don’t have to do anything, you know. We can just leave it for now-”

Phil jumps up onto the bed, pulling off his t-shirt. It’s a very effective method of shutting Dan up, as he’s got a gorgeous body, lean and tapered, with big shoulders and a defined waist. Dan reaches out to grab at him, his hopeless arousal muddying his conscience. 

“I think I’d be terrified even if we waited for the wedding day,” Phil says, which makes Dan splutter. “You’re just…” Phil trails a hand down Dan’s torso, lightly sweeping across the skin, side to side. “You’re unbelievably beautiful. On top of everything else.”

Dan thinks about asking what ‘everything else’ is, but knows all too well that Phil’s misguided notions about Dan’s personality are difficult to listen to. Instead, he asks, “what can I do to make you less scared?”

Instinctively, Dan’s hand lands on Phil’s, stilling him as he brushes over the burn scar on his left side. But Phil reaches down and removes it, then leans down to press soft, careful lips against the shiny pink skin. Dan’s eyes sting.

“Just tell me if it feels good,” Phil says as he leans back up. He plucks what looks like a small bottle of lubricant from the pocket of his pyjama trousers.

“Phil, if you knew how many times I’ve dreamt of you... of this...” Dan starts to say, then shakes his head, smiling faintly. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to not make me come, like, ridiculously hard.”

He looks a little dazed at this information, but Phil nods, then slips his fingers into Dan’s waistband, and pulls. Dan lifts his hips so Phil can slide them off, watching Phil’s expression closely as he drinks in the sight of Dan’s entirely naked body for the first time. Dan’s cock twitches, as if it knows it’s being closely observed.

“Shit, Dan,” Phil breathes. His hands are free-roaming over the miles of Dan’s skin now on show. “I want to draw you like this,” Phil says. He trickles light, teasing fingers from Dan’s sternum to his pelvis. “Would you let me?”

“R-right now?”

Phil laughs. “No, not right now.” He settles into a position, half laid on top of Dan, then sends him a mischievous glance. “I have things to take care of.”

Phil picks up the bottle of lubricant, which has fallen to the bed, and uncaps it. He pours some into his palm, then pauses, and squeezes out a little more. He rubs it between his hands for a moment, then, before Dan can stop him, wraps a hand around Dan’s erection.

“Ah! Shit,” Dan exclaims, laughing a little.

Phil freezes instantly. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just freezing,” Dan replies, still chuckling. “Maybe warm it with your hands a little more next time?”

Phil joins in the laughter, nodding. “Sorry.” 

He doesn’t get a chance to expand on his apology, because right then he starts moving his hand, the slick lubricant creating an indescribable friction, one that pushes a moan from Dan’s throat, has him arching his head backwards into the pillows. Phil drapes over him, hand still slowly pumping around Dan’s cock. He presses damp, messy kisses against Dan’s neck, bracing his face above Dan’s with an elbow beside his head. 

“Does it feel good?”

Dan groans, hands finding Phil’s shoulders. “So fucking good.”

Spurred on by the news, Phil speeds up, at which point Dan’s eyelids screw shut, and he bows forwards into Phil’s neck.

“Look at me,” Phil whispers then. It’s an unexpected command, but Dan does it nonetheless, lifting his head to stare into Phil’s eyes.

He can only hold it for a moment before he has to look away again, but Phil is not having it. He releases his hold on Dan’s erection, which briefly makes Dan want to die. Phil reaches up to tilt Dan’s chin back around, forcing their eyes to meet again.

“Please, I want to see you,” Phil whispers, pressing their lips together. “Will you?”

Tears sting Dan’s eyes, and he’s not sure why. There’s something about this that feels too much, like he’s about to slip under a turbulent, roiling ocean. The press of Phil’s body on top of his is overwhelming; Dan can feel connecting of their skin seemingly at every join, can feel their hearts beating in rhythm, their breaths synchronised. Phil is warmth, and light, and sweet, pure love; it sounds absurd, but pressed together as they are, Dan can feel all of it sinking into him, through his pores, to the sinew and muscle beneath. He feels the incredible swell of Phil’s adoration, and it’s dizzying, maddening to know, deeply, that it’s all for him. 

Phil’s hand wraps back around his cock, and Dan tries with all he has to keep his eyes locked on Phil’s like he wants. But two tears spill over, and he has to shut them, to blink them away. Phil kisses him fiercely, like he’s been missing out on the taste of Dan’s mouth for years. Like he’s been battling far away in some great unknown war, with Dan left alone, waiting for him, and now he’s returned, and he’s determined to drown them together, in the love they couldn’t swim in whilst they were parted.

Something cataclysmic builds in Dan’s chest, something terrifying and enormous, so unfamiliar that Dan wonders if he’s on the brink of death. He feels everything Phil is pouring onto him in this moment through their locked eyes, feels the weight of his suppressed yearning. And then it explodes through him, a tidalwave of blinding, electrifying ecstasy, ebbing out to the very tips of his toes. He breathes heavily, gripping onto the only life raft he has: Phil, still above him, floating on the edge of this tsunami, sure, and strong, and safe.

When it’s over, Dan washes ashore, back into the familiar blue and green bedclothes he’s been curled in so many times. Phil rolls to the side, and Dan crashes onto his chest, limp and utterly boneless.

“Was I okay?” Phil asks, tentative and unsure.

Dan doesn’t think words could ever possibly express the pure, raw, visceral phenomenon that he just experienced, so instead, he leans up, spreads himself over Phil however he can, and tries his best to show him.

(Chapter Fourteen - FINAL CHAPTER - Coming Next Tues!)

[malum-af-cth]

time after time

Summary: You and Ashton have been trying for a baby, it hasn’t been really working out, and you have been struggling. (Lol Father’s Day USA.)

Pairing: Ashton x Reader (lace)

Warnings: Angst, mention of miscarriage

a/n: this literally took me forever to write I started writing it like a year ago. Today I sat down reevaluated what I had and finished it. This is what I got. :) thanks for reading.

Word Count: 1878 ish

masterlist. 

I had just gotten back from the store with another box of pregnancy tests. I had run out a couple days ago, and I was gonna need some more. Ashton and I had been trying for a baby again for a few months, and we had not had any luck.

I got out of my car in the parking garage of our building and made my way upstairs to our apartment. I was hoping that Ashton wouldn’t be home so I could hide the new box of tests and clean up a little before he came home.

I made my way to the front door and went inside. I decided to hide the box of tests somewhere that my husband would never look, the spice cabinet. Once I put the tests behind the cinnamon and garlic salt, I made my way to the bedroom to get the laundry.

Washing my clothes and Ashton’s was going to take a while seeing how he had just gotten back from tour about three weeks ago. It had been about three days since the rest of his belongings had arrived at our apartment. While I was going through some of his clothes, I found some new ones. I assumed that some of the shirts could have belonged to the other boys, but Ash had probably bought some things while he was traveling.

This wasn’t our first time trying for a baby. We had attempted before, we were successful, in the beginning. I was pregnant for about five months. Then one night when I woke up, with a sharp pain in my stomach.

“ahhhhhhhhhh”  I screamed, clutching my stomach. The pain I felt in my stomach was like no other. It was worse than any period cramp I had ever experienced. I could feel the bed shift next to me as Ashton was waking up. He immediately turned on his bedside lamp and then quickly held me by my shoulders trying to comfort me.

“Babe, what’s wrong? Are you ok? Is it the baby?” he said slowly rubbing my back trying to soothe me.

“It’s my stomach, I think it is the baby,” I said frantically, “we need to go to the hospital now!”  

“ughhhhhhhhhh!” I screamed again, the pain was excruciating. I couldn’t see as well, due to the pain. From what I could hear Ashton was quickly putting on some clothes, as I sat trying to understand what was going on with my body. I could hear him shuffling around the room, and then I felt him helping me up off the bed. As I got up, I saw a blur of red on our white bed sheets.

I pulled some of the clothes that I had washed and dried out of the dryer to fold them. I took the bundle of clothes to our bedroom, along the way there, I saw a small bag on the floor hidden under a table in the hall. I had finished putting away the clean clothes when my thoughts were brought back to that small bag I saw on the floor. I picked it up and looked inside, I saw a small piece of clothing and pulled it out. As I looked at it, I realized that is was a baby onesie. It was black with long sleeves, and footie covers. On the front it read, “rock out with your blocks out.” it also had a picture of some blocks that resembled legos. I slowly ran my fingers across the front of the outfit, craving the feeling that being pregnant had brought me.

I was so engrossed by the memory of my miscarriage, I hadn’t realized that I had been crying. I wiped the tears from my face and placed the onesie back in the bag. I put the bag back where I got it from. I was feeling curious and impatient, so decided to go see if I was pregnant yet.

I pulled the test from its hiding spot and made my way to the bathroom. I was nervous, a little more than normal. This was the first time I was taking a test this week, and it was only Tuesday. I began pacing around the bathroom, waiting for the need to pee come back. I had been drinking a lot of water earlier with the intent to be able to take this test.

To say I was afraid would have been an understatement. I was trying everything just to pee. I turned on the sink and thought about water. I even thought about doing some kind of rain dance just because I thought the constant moving would work, and I got lucky because it did. I had to practically run to the bathroom without tripping. I knew Ashton was gonna be home soon. 

I was afraid of him coming home while I was waiting for the results and it not being positive. I didn’t want to disappoint him again. Ashton and I have been together long enough for me to know how his brain worked. Being a father has always been at the top of his list of goals. I couldn’t stop laughing the first night we ever talked about having a future together.

“I mean just imagine it, Lace having four or five jr’s running around the house,” he explained walking around the living room. This was the most animated I have ever seen him be about something that was not music related.

“Ash, baby, we have only been dating for four months, and you already want kids?” I knew he didn’t want to have kids unless we were married, but at this moment I knew teasing him would bring me more humor than the show playing on the tv behind him.

I had thought that he barely heard me, but after I asked him my question, he stopped in his tracks, put his forefinger and thumb on his chin as he was thinking. The next thing I knew he ran over to me on the couch. Scooped me, my blanket, and my water bottle up in his arms and ran to the bedroom.

“Ashton Fletcher, what on earth are you doing?” I said trying not to fall or drop anything.

“We definitely are not ready to have kids yet, but we should probably start practicing for the future…” he said with a chuckle and a wink.

I laughed at the memory, knowing that at this rate we had learned that practice doesn't make perfect. At least in our book, it made progress. I was just about to check the results when I heard Ashton yelling for me from the kitchen. I quickly shoved the test in the bathroom drawer without looking and went out to greet him.

“Hey babe, did you just get home?” I said rearing the corner to see Ash with Mitchy Collins and Josh Raven. They were all drinking beer and chilling. I walked over to Ash who was sitting on our island, gave him a kiss, stole his beer and went to the couch.

I loved his friends because they were my friends too, but I was a little too stressed out right now to deal with anyone other than my husband.

Ashton had started to respond when I heard Josh say, “Welp, I guess that's our cue to leave mitch.” He and I had been pretty good friends since ash helped Josh and his band with some music. I heard them start to say their goodbye’s. I didn’t want them to leave because I was having a moment, so I went back over to Ash and gave him his beer back.

“You guys don’t have to leave, I just need ya’ll out in about an hour,” I said with a smile. Turning to ash, I whispered in his ear, “You are good to have them here for a bit, I am okay. But don’t forget you are the one who wanted to do a little practicing when you got home today.” I heard him release a heavy breath as I pulled away. I took another sip of his beer, set it in his hand. Bid adieu to our friends, each with a hug, and went to my office to get some work done while they were hanging out.

The guys were at our house for another half hour before I heard Ashton going into our bathroom, and a partial panic arose inside of me. I had forgotten about the test and was kind of hoping to find out if we had been successful or not before him. I never wanted him to be disappointed again. I knew I couldn’t protect him forever.

So I got up from my desk and started to make my way to our bathroom. As I got closer I heard a faint sobbing, I started to walk slower, afraid of what I was about to encounter. Seeing Ashton with the test was what I was expecting, but it still took the breath out of my lungs. I wanted to rush to his side and comfort him because his reaction was leading me to believe the worst right now, but when he stood up, turned to me, a smile spread to his face, I knew I could have hope.

He wiped away his tears and asked me with his eyes when, and how long I knew. At that moment I couldn’t wait any longer I ran to him and hugged him in the hope that we had become a full family again.

“Ashton, what does it say?” I asked with my arms wrapped tightly around him, hoping for the best. Afraid to let go and find out the worst. He rubbed my back with his free hand and then pulled away. We were still so close that our foreheads were resting on each other and he started to speak softly.

“Baby, we did it. We made progress.” with his words; I opened my eyes and looked at his hand to see the two pink stripes. I was finally able to breathe again. I looked up at my husband again brought my hands to his face and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

We were soon out of breath but in such a desperate need for each other. I could feel my husband start to back us up into the hallway.

“Josh, Mitchy!” he yelled, and the boys popped their heads around the corner “um so… my wife is pregnant, and I gotta make sure my kid stays in there this time. So ima need you assholes to get out of my house so I can make love to her.” the boys looked at each other, then back at us. I was now leaning against the wall with Ashton towering over me, his left hand on the wall and his right on my waist, my arms wrapped around his torso and my right foot on the wall behind me. I heard them scrambling shouting their final goodbyes and rushing out the door.

Ashton chuckled as his friends' actions, shook his head and turned his focus back to me. I could see the glow of happiness in his eyes, and at that moment I was ready to do this again with the love of my life.

He brought his lips to my ear and whispered the most beautiful thing I’d heard all day, “Now where were we my love? Ah, yes celebrating our victory.”

tags: @5sexonds-of-smut @ghostofbabylon @winkwinkluke @irwinstuffs

[happily-lost-in-oc-writing]

Broken Constellations, Chapter 6- Rumor has it? You’re a bitch.

Cassiopeia

Ugh. Life is a shit show.

Between Jessica's constant changing sides, like an angry tidal wave, and Teddy's irritable spamming, my family's utter disregard for my well-being, and the- incident. From last nights party, my mind is a mess.

I rub my face and get dressed. I slide Jessica's hoodie as a shirt, and put a jacket over it. It's soft, and it smells like green apples and sunsets. Whatever sunsets smell like.

I slide on skinny jeans and boots, and I walk out the door, my hair a mess in the air behind me. I keep thinking of Jessica. My bully Jessica. Bittersweet Jessica.

I made a mistake going to that party last night, because the one thing I promised never to let show is bubbling back to the surface like a demon, and it's taking form as Jessica fucking Smith, and her stupid kiss.

I swallow hard. I need to get to school, and get these thoughts out of my head.

I wonder what would happen if I was normal. If I wasn't gay. I wonder what would happen if I liked teddy, I wouldn't be in this shit show with Jessie.

I shake my head- I can't let this take over. I won't let it consume me again. My throat is raw, and I swallow hard. Once or twice, and I get to school. I head to the cafeteria after buying a cherry cola, and I look around the room. Amber- one of Jessie's friends- waves at me. It hits me I've never really talked to them. I don't even know why I talk to Jessie. Was it pity? Was this entire thing pity? Or maybe it's a prank? Maybe she's still toying with me, maybe I'm still the butt of her joke. My pain is her punchline. Oh god, what if it's all just a joke-

Amber getting up snaps me out of my spiral.

"Hey, Cassiopeia.. you okay..? I know we don't talk- and I'm kind of a bitch- but, you kinda zoned out there..?"

I swallow. My body is screaming. I remember why I hate school.

But when teddy walks in the building, I'd take a bully over a traitor.

"Yeah. I think I'm just under the weather."

I follow her back to her table and sit down, I'm at a loss for what to say. What I can say, what I should say. After last night my mind is an ocean, swarming thoughts screaming "gay." And lusting after an asshole. Lusting after her. Jessica smith.

"That sucks. I'm sorry. Hey, Cassiopeia, I'm sorry for- everything. I've got no excuse, I've got no justification. But you seem like an amazing person, and I don't want my lack of judgement to ruin a possible friendship."

"Er- Yeah. Okay. It's fine. It's high school. People are all dicks and wolves, I guess. Eat or be eaten."

"-in more ways than one." Amber smiles, and I feel my cheeks burn in sudden realization as I laugh awkwardly-

"Oh my."

She smiles, and I muster a smile back. We talk aimlessly, probably just to pass the time, and Jessica walks in. Memories of last night threaten to invade my mind. Hopeful fantasies threaten to follow. I focus on my Soda.  Amber waves her over, and I muster the courage to awkwardly wave as well. She comes over in a huff, setting her purse down. Her cheeks rush red and she stares ahead for a second, her mind working up a memory she gets lost in for a second. Like she forgot where she was.

"What's up Jessie?" Amber snaps her back into reality, popping the top to a glass Starbucks drink.

"Not much," she huffs, "got yelled at by teddy."

Teddy. Ughhhhhhhhhh.

I love being Dysphoric. I tug at my hoodie sleeves, and start thinking how weird the butterfly affect is. It's ironic, thinking of the butterfly affect, because right now it seems all the fuckin butterflies resurrected in my stomach. I know the warning signs all too well.  I feel the way my fingertips graze the memory, with cautious shakes. I feel the memory of Jessica mixing with them- I feel the memory of them.

I feel sick. Suddenly, my throat can't get enough air, I feel people stare, I want to disappear. The memory is replaying, and I can't get it to stop.

. . .

"You seriously thought I was in love with you?"

I can only see her fingers tap on her arm as the words strike my chest. My lungs are burning and I have to cover my mouth with my hands to keep the gasps of air in.

"Jesus Christ, Cass. You're a fucking idiot! You're just- some dyke! You were a joke. Can't you understand that? I needed someone to laugh at. Something to play with. I needed someone to experiment-"

Please please please don't finish I can take this from anyone but I can't take this from you I can't take this from you I can't-

"-on." Her hair frames her face, she tilts it with her bubblegum pink lips turned upwards into a smirk. She's in a black lace-ended skirt and cat printed leggings, and a hoodie. Her raven hair falls down in waves, and her unforgiving brown eyes dig into my soul.

This can't be fucking happening. I- she can't- she wouldn't have.

"Everyone knows what you are, Cass."

My eyes sting as she watches me, analyzing, before walking out. My legs are jello. I can't breathe. The cold scrape of the bathroom tiles cut into my knees, and I grab my sides. I feel like I just ran the mile.

Please don't go. Please don't go. Please don't leave me like this. Please don't go.

Everyone knows. Dear god.

I've been outed at fucking 14. I sink back against the wall, I can't breathe, I'm sobbing hysterically, and my head is pounding. My world just fucking shattered.

It's 10:00 am, and my day is shit...

I don't know how long I've been in here, but it's long enough for the nurse to come.

She walks in and I scramble to my feet, oh god. My parents know. My school knows, and now I'm alone.

"Hey, you okay? Your teacher called me down here."

I nod. My throat croaks and cracks as I speak. "Yep- just fine-"

My voice cuts out at the end, strained. She gives me that look. You know, the "poor thing."

Like she knows what's coming. I barrel out of the bathroom, stumbling. I squeeze my eyes closed and wobble into art, swallowing hard. My teacher glances at me as I sit down. She probably thought I was getting High in the bathroom.

If only.

. . .

I swallow hard and wipe at my face, dampening my sleeves. I swallow hard.

Fuckkkkkk meeeeeeee.

Jessie's eyes are fixated on me. I give her a half-faces, awkward smile. She smiles slightly at me, and I feel something squeeze my hand under the table. I take my hand away. Fiddling with my fingers.

"You okay?" Amber turns her body to me, and I stare down at the table. And I nod.

"Yeah. Thinking."

"You think a lot." She says, leaning her chin against her palm.

"I guess."

"Why? What's there to think about so much?"

Oh, you have no idea.

"School, I guess."

Kissing your bully, you mean?

"Oh. Yeah. School sucks. We should start a riot-"

"Fuck the patriarchy, fuck democracy, anarchy time-!" I cheer, sarcastically. They laugh, and i focus on that.

I absolutely do not focus that I might have a gay crush on my ex-bully and I think current friend.

... could my day get worst?

The answer is yes.

Yes, it could. Like, the word "DYKE" could be drawn on a bathroom stall by my name with the words "GOTH MOTH CASSIE GRACE FORCES GIRLS."

Yes, it could. Like the stares I got in the halls, and the looks from staff.

And the way Jessica walked up to me, and the whispering in everyone's voices,

And the worst part was I almost liked the sound of Jess and I. But then there was the regret. The gut-wrenching, soul shaking regret of ever letting her in my life.

Because there is so much more than this.

There is so much more than her.

And here I am,

Worrying over a silly little girl who will never like girls.

With the split-second thought that  I wish you liked girls.

[poealsobucky]

Time to be Saved!

I’m spending Christmas Eve with Hot Joseph. Block ‘hot joseph 2017′ to disregard this post.

Sorry. I meant to start this earlier but my super Polish grandma would have come back to haunt me if I didn’t make pierogies first.

ANYWAYS. Let’s do this! Stream-of-consciousness style.

Disclaimer: I’m sober and was raised Catholic so some saltiness might appear.

Oscar I hope you know I’m watching this for you. Ugh. I could be watching elf.

Ooh there’s a word crawl! Foreshadowing?

Zachariah is gettin the good word - you’re gonna be a daddy! 

Oh shit he just ripped off his sacramental garb! 

Now we’re in a field. 

Mary, you aren’t allowed to have fun. TSK TSK

There he is! HOT JOSEPH EVERYBODY! Checkin out Mary as she walks by!

You know, Mary’s parents are not very nice.

I’m having CCD flashbacks. Help me hot Joseph.

Ohhhhhh he’s hammering.fjdjdn

Wait dudes on horses are interrupting his hammering.

Oh fuck someone didn’t pay their taxes. 

Joseph looks concerned

They are taking women to pay for taxes, fuck these dudes! HIDE YO DAUGHTERS!!!

Hide, Mary!!!!

HOT JOSEPH PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE ENOUGH CASH!!!

he BOUGHT THE MULE HE GAVE IT TO MARY THIS IS TRUE LOVE. HOLY MOLY HOT JOSEPH YOU ARE THE BEST 

The prophecy ain’t no myth. You’re all fucked.

Okay there is Persia, we’ve moved everyone. 

Codebreakers! Where’s dan brown?!

THESE ARE THE WISE MEN

They are intense. 

Oh back to Israel. 

JOSEPH IS THERE WAITING.

Mary just got told she was betrothed and now she’s married

See what happens when you accept a dude’s mule?

He just got the no sex talk from Mary’s old man.

She isn’t hearing it, she left

HOT JOSEPH I’M SORRY

MARY what’s up you saw him right? With your own eyes? 

You will love him Mary don’t worry.

Joseph is good AND strong. Mary isn’t so sure. She guesses he’s like 5′7 1/2 though which is towering back then.

There are creepy whispers...is that Gabriel? 

Mary found favor Idk they are talking softly 

More CCD flashbacks.

She just takes this ethereal strangers word for it ya know. What is she gonna tell Hot Joseph?

Mary wants to go see Zach and liz 

Looks like things are crazy on the road. She didn’t even say bye to HJ - based on what I have seen he won’t be happy 

Elizabeth knew! She knew Mary was preggo 

Hey it’s Mikael’s mom from The Promise! 

The wise men are still at it! Those rascals. 

Mary’s asking the tough questions.

Baby Jesus is moving - Liz, you don’t even know

HOT JOSEPH IS MAD!! HE IS POUNDING THAT HAMMER. Oh shit he threw it down! Someone has a temper issue! 

“Melchior, I don’t wanna go on a road trip!!!”- the other two wisemen

Labor ?

Looks terrible! 

Well. That happened.

Hot Joseph is super awkward. You can tell he’s a total dork. But lovable. I love that curly hair too, ya know?

Uh oh Mary is headed home! 

Bad things happened on that road, too. what is it with these roads, man? They look like Game of Thrones stopped by.

Men in power. *yawn*

This one guy looks like a Jonas brother 

Wait you are tryin to tell me only 2 wisemen set out? 

Ah there’s he is “you forgot the map.” They bicker like golden girls !!

HJ is so happy!!! Mary is back!!!

His eyes are HUGE, he’s seein’ her belly omg

She walked right past him too, didn’t say anything. 

Joseph wanders off, stunned. Well...this marriage is going well

He’s crying! Wtf Mary! You could be a little nicer! You’re the one that agreed to carry the messiah all HJ wanted was a nice house with a sturdy ROOF.

He chose her bc he thought she had great virtue! 

TEARY EYED HOT JOSEPH NOOOO

HE IS PROTECTING HER FROM TRIAL, no stones for Mary.

BUT HE AINT OK WITH IT YET 

His anger is intense! He’s walking...walking...some dude tries to hand him the biggest rock

Who are they stoning omg...wait a minute

He is dreaming !!!! There’s Gabe.

He believes her!! Gabe told him in his dream to believe her.

Ugh I think hot Joseph doesn’t get enough credit. 

Bad men are coming. There’s a census. 

Nothing good happens when people start taking notes. Especially the government.

HJ has to go to Bethlehem, the land of his ancestors.

Boy she hit the jackpot, didn’t she, with him. He’s like Sure I’ll walk the whole way and lead this donkey and not eat.

HJ just made a  funny! They are passing all the dbags who whisper about them all the time and he goes, “they are going to miss us.” 😂

HJ is gutting a fish and speaking softly. He wonders if he can teach Jesus anything...awww...hammering stuff probably

They got stopped and got searched cuz of paranoid king nutbag.

Some fortune teller just mentioned the kid wasn’t his, ouch. The look he gave her. 

Are they sacrificing the cow? “Pass your sins to the animal.” Really?

Omfg the animal isn’t receiving your sins you coward. You still have them because you’re evil. I hate them.

Poor donkey I mean... everything has it rough. But this donkey has seen some things.

HJ gave a giant piece of bread to the missus and took only a nibble for himself. 

He fed the donkey his share. Awwww he’s petting it and talking to it. “I’m the hungry one,” he says. You cheeky little carpenter.

OH NO THE DONKEY SAW A SNAKE AND KNOCKED MARY OFF INTO THE WATER!

HJ saves the day! 

He is doing so well but he’s exhausted. She is gonna wash his feet while she talks to herself and the baby about how pure Joseph is.

(PS - oscar sleeping is adorable sidenote red alert)

For HOT AIR, HJ’s curly hair is on point!

Ahhhh Jerusalem. “It was meant to be a holy city.”

Some dude grabs their coin purse. No, literally.

“What belongs to us, stays with us.” Don’t try to rob them. 

Now to Bethlehem. 

“What was your gift?” Mary asks the shepherd. “Nothing,” he replies.

I feel, shepherd.

She is in labor ohhhhhhh joseph it’s go time!

THERES THAT SHINY STAR

IT WAS JUST THREE THINGS ALIGNING I GUESS

HJ IS DELIVERING THIS KID. HES IN IT TO WIN IT

MAD LAUGHTER - Joseph is at a breaking point 

NAKED BABY BUTT cover it UP

OMG HJ HOLDING A BABY ughhhhhhhhhh it’s too much

HOT JOSEPH LOOKS SO VULNERABLE 

THE WISEMEN COMETH

it’s linus’ speech! 

HJ is too much. I stomped to this movie expecting to laugh a lot at bad filmmaking but dammit oscar  I wasn’t expecting this I wasn’t EXPECTING TO CARE ABOUT JOSEPH THIS MUCH I’M ROOTING FOR HIM (more than mary????? lol)

here COMES THE NEIGHBORHOOD

mary’s face thru much of this film has been fairly stony. Is she even present in the moment? haha

HJ cannot believe their gifts -  the gold is his fav but he’s feeling the myrrh too.

The wisecracking wise man is in shock. He was sassy this whole time, too.

Ya know, at least Mary didn’t have to be a single mom.

The wisemen are keeping the secret. Probably for the best, dudes. You heard the crazy people. 

Man I forgot what psychos these people were (are???!!!!!) over power

HJ getting the heck out of there just in time. He has to have SO MANY BLISTERS.

They are fleeing to Egypt

Apparently I didn’t pay attention in CCD, and also that poor donkey. I havent seen any of them eat in days.

Man kudos to oscar for ALL OF THE ENDLESS WALKING 

And it’s over.

 Thank you Hot Joseph.