#two wildling kings - one fake one real

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Ulmer of the Kingswood jammed his spear into the ground, unslung his bow, and slipped a black arrow from his quiver. Sweet Donnel Hill threw back his hood to do the same. Garth Greyfeather and Bearded Ben nocked shafts, bent their bows, loosed.

One arrow took Mance Rayder in the chest, one in the gut, one in the throat. The fourth struck one of the cage’s wooden bars, and quivered for an instant before catching fire. A woman’s sobs echoed off the Wall as the wildling king slid bonelessly to the floor of his cage, wreathed in fire. “And now his Watch is done,” Jon murmured softly. Mance Rayder had been a man of the Night’s Watch once, before he changed his black cloak for one slashed with bright red silk.

- Jon III, ADWD

… away, he meant to say. When Wick Whittlestick slashed at his throat, the word turned into a grunt. Jon twisted from the knife, just enough so it barely grazed his skin. He cut me. When he put his hand to the side of his neck, blood welled between his fingers. “Why?”

Then Bowen Marsh stood there before him, tears running down his cheeks. “For the Watch.” He punched Jon in the belly. When he pulled his hand away, the dagger stayed where he had buried it.

Jon fell to his knees. He found the dagger’s hilt and wrenched it free. In the cold night air the wound was smoking. “Ghost,” he whispered. Pain washed over him. Stick them with the pointy end. When the third dagger took him between the shoulder blades, he gave a grunt and fell face-first into the snow. He never felt the fourth knife. Only the cold …

- Jon XIII, ADWD

Hmmmm 🤔

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

The Coming War for the North, Part 2: The Lost Wolves

In part 1, I talked about the coming battle of ice with Stannis fighting against the Boltons to take Winterfell. I discussed the situation there, the pink letter, and briefly speculated what the battle of ice will entail and who I thought would emerge victorious. If you read that, you know I argued Stannis would lose and the true battle for the North would be fought by Jon against Ramsay. In part 2, I'll dive into setting up the different factions left in the North (and beyond!) that I think will be integral to the northern storyline in TWOW.

A Trip to Skagos

Last we saw of Davos, he was not executed by Wyman Manderly, and Lord Manderly has sent him to retrieve Rickon from Skagos. Davos in TWOW is definitely going to be fun to read, as Skagos sounds like a very sinister place (or is it all that sinister?) and seeing Rickon again should be interesting. At the beginning of ADWD Davos was sent to parley with the Manderlys by Stannis, but the Manderlys imprisoned him, and per what we hear from in AFFC, executed him.

Of course, they didn't, and instead put him into the Wolf's Den, an ancient castle that is now used as a prison. Then Davos is freed and meets with Wyman in private, with Robett Glover in attendance, who say they are not with the Boltons, and were merely playing up the ruse so that Wyman's son Wylis would be returned safely without a hint of disloyalty towards the Lannisters. Instead, they are plotting revenge against the Red Wedding, and inform Davos that they found Wex Pyke, Theon's mute squire, who eventually revealed that Rickon has gone to Skagos. Wyman will support Stannis if Davos successfully brings Rickon back.

We don't know a lot about Skagos, and the little we do know paints it as a very sinister, savage place. They are rumoured to practice human sacrifice to the weirwoods and cannibalism in winter, and luring passing ships with false lights, more like tribes of raiders not too dissimilar to wildlings. They also rose in rebellion against the Starks during the reign of King Daeron II, which lasted years and claimed the lives of thousands, Lord Barthogan Stark among them, before it was finally put down. Also they ride unicorns, one horned shaggy goats.

I'm not sure what Skagos will ultimately be like, but I think it's probably going to be a weird mix of wildlings and northmen. There is also the question of their relationship with both. The northmen hate them and view them as savages, and they are built up as sinister people, but perhaps they only play it up in order to be left alone. Their historical connection to the North isn't very positive, so they might enjoy being isolated from the rest of the North, so long as they aren't disturbed.

That said, it is interesting that Osha chose Skagos to hide with Rickon. Anywhere in the North is dangerous for a loose wildling and a young Stark to be in... except Skagos, apparently. Do the Skagosi have good relations with the free folk? They seem to live more like the free folk and the island is further north than the rest of the North (bordering on the lands of the Night's Watch & even stretching beyond the Wall). Plus, Osha went there with Rickon to keep him safe, so the idea that the free folk and Skagosi have connections isn't too unikely.

The real question I am wondering is; how is Rickon doing? Last we saw him, he was only 4 years old, wild and untamed. I somewhat subscribe to the theory that the names of the direwolves hint at their future, and while there is a theory that Rickon is a shaggydog story (a long winded, complicated anecdote that goes nowhere), I think Shaggydog more or less foreshadows Rickon's wild nature. There is nobody training his warging abilities, and he was already wild to begin with, and now he's on a remote island in the middle of nowhere, so I only think he's going to grow more and more wild.

And, how are the Skagosi treating Rickon? Do they like him? They don't have good historical connections with the Starks, so they may not like Rickon when they first met him. Maybe they revere him since he is a warg? Or perhaps nobody truly knows who he is, but some kid with a giant wolf who knows lives on the island, and people give him offerings? Since we have little to nothing to go off, we have no idea what exactly Rickon has been up to since his exit from the pages in ACOK.

Regardless, Davos might find himself in a difficult position to convince Rickon to return. He's a complete stranger and nobody is going to trust his agenda, least of all Osha who was tasked with keeping Rickon safe. Given George has "important plans" for Rickon, I doubt Davos will fail to bring Rickon back, but it won't be easy, and probably will take some time.

From there, I see two possible places for Davos to go. While he would be tasked with returning Rickon to White Harbor, there is a possibility that the storms will force him to land in Eastwatch. Rickon could have a reunion with Jon Snow if that is the case, but I tend to favour Rickon being returned to White Harbor and used to rally Manderly and their allies against Ramsay. Wyman tells Davos all the value of having his House as an ally against the Boltons.

"I have been building warships for more than a year. Some you saw, but there are as many more hidden up the White Knife. Even with the losses I have suffered, I still command more heavy horse than any other lord north of the Neck. My walls are strong, and my vaults are full of silver. Oldcastle and Widow's Watch will take their lead from me. My bannermen include a dozen petty lords and a hundred landed knights. I can deliver King Stannis the allegiance of all the lands east of the White Knife, from Widow's Watch and Ramsgate to the Sheepshead Hills and the headwaters of the Broken Branch."

Stannis Baratheon

One thing to note is what Stannis will be doing. Say he, as I think happened, was defeated by the Boltons and faked his death. What is his next move? It's entirely possible that Stannis just retreats to the Nightfort, a location that he intends on sitting at one day, and in his desperation, burns Shireen to wake dragons out of stone (apparently people hate this take but it's a possibility in my mind). However, this isn't to say he is completely out of the game yet.

The Manderlys are open to allying with Stannis (should Davos be successful in retrieving Rickon), and they are part of the army sent in the battle of ice to do battle with Stannis. Could they possibly help fake Stannis's death in battle and have him retreat to a secret location? There is potential foreshadowing for this.

"White Harbor would give me a ready source of supply and a secure base to which I could retreat at need."

Could they have him retreat to the Wolf's Den, an ancient castle turned prison? There is a secret passageway connecting the Wolf's Den to the New Castle that Davos was shown.

While it might just be simpler for Stannis to retreat and die, this story is anything but simple, and I feel George is still having him around for a reason. He did send Justin Massey to Braavos to hire sellswords and sent them to him through Eastwatch (which is how I believe Arya will return to Westeros), so those might come in handy in the future. So while I believe the Starks will be the centre of defeating the Boltons and retaking Winterfell, Stannis could still have a role in this. One idea is that he actually takes the Dreadfort.

While the original idea posed by Arnolf was to merely siege it, and was supposed to undermine Stannis, interrogating Theon would be of some great use, as could the fleet of warships Lord Manderly has been building. Theon once escaped the Dreadfort through a postern gate that is either lightly or not guarded at all, with the help of Kyra, only for this to all be a game devised by Ramsay to hunt them back down. His knowledge of the Dreadfort could prove useful for Stannis to take it, while the Manderly fleet rows up the Weeping Water and lays siege to it.

A Blaze of Boltons

Now it's time to look at the Boltons. Say Roose is successful in holding Winterfell and defeating Stannis, and he gets rid of the Freys and Manderlys. What then? The northern houses are still only tentatively loyal to him, and he knows it. But the danger that poses to him is temporarily dealt with. The true danger was the fact that there was an option to join a new side against the Boltons, but once Stannis defeated, they are back to being all by themselves, knowing the Iron Throne is backing the Boltons and not risking their ire.

However, there is a distinct possibility that the Boltons will still lose support eventually, and by none other than their own hands, specifically Ramsay's. As a psychopath, Ramsay has an enormous ego, and is very concerned about his birthright, hoping he will one day be Warden of the North and Lord of the Dreadfort.

"My lord has a new wife to give him sons." "And won't my bastard love that? Lady Walda is a Frey, and she has a fertile feel to her. I have become oddly fond of my fat little wife. The two before her never made a sound in bed, but this one squeals and shudders. I find that quite endearing. If she pops out sons the way she pops in tarts, the Dreadfort will soon be overrun with Boltons. Ramsay will kill them all, of course. That's for the best. I will not live long enough to see new sons to manhood, and boy lords are the bane of any House. Walda will grieve to see them die, though."

Roose is aware of just how unhinged Ramsay is. He knows Ramsay will be upset if Walda gives birth to a boy, and knows Theon is reporting back to Ramsay. But Roose doesn't really seem to care all that much. Perhaps he would be amused if this did happen. Or perhaps he's just trying to comfort Ramsay to prevent this happening. Regardless, he also knows that Ramsay was responsible for his half-brother Domeric's death.

"Yes, m'lord. Domeric. I … I have heard his name …" "Ramsay killed him. A sickness of the bowels, Maester Uthor says, but I say poison. In the Vale, Domeric had enjoyed the company of Redfort's sons. He wanted a brother by his side, so he rode up the Weeping Water to seek my bastard out. I forbade it, but Domeric was a man grown and thought that he knew better than his father. Now his bones lie beneath the Dreadfort with the bones of his brothers, who died still in the cradle, and I am left with Ramsay. Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?"

It seems clear that Ramsay's murder of his half-brother Domeric is foreshadowing, not just for the eventual death of Walda's child, but for Roose as well. Ramsay is very close to one day snapping and doing something so horrible that he cannot go back from. And to make it more clear, there is a line at the end of ADWD that I completely overlooked that shows Walda is actually pregnant.

Roose Bolton entered, pale-eyed and yawning, accompanied by his plump and pregnant wife, Fat Walda.

Later Ramsay and Roose are seen arguing, and Walda seems very frightened, but Theon doesn't hear what they say. It's possible they were arguing about Ramsay's inheritance given that Walda is now pregnant (although I think they were more likely arguing about what to do with Stannis). Regardless, I think that Walda giving birth to a boy would drive Ramsay over the edge. Despite him being impulsive and angry, he's still quite capable of covering up what he does. So I think, just as he did with Domeric, he will poison Roose, Walda, and his newborn half-brother, leaving him the only Bolton left and asserting his dominance over the North.

Of course, this is going to have serious consequences for Ramsay, something I will get into in part 3, where I will talk at length about the coming Bastardbowl.

[janiedean]

So GRRM said in an interview a few days ago that D & D kept PART of his outline and that he isn't changing his plan even if fans don't like it. What do you think he's referring to since he's confirmed some stuff was changed? Also does the fact that he still hasn't confirmed the Bran=KoT7K plot detail that Isaac claims is coming from him means that Isaac was not told the truth from D & D?

in order:

he probably told them the general ending also because he’s most likely not publishing wow/ados yet because he got plot-stuck somewhere so he most likely has to get over that kinda thing even if he knows more or less how it’s supposed to go but it also depends on what the hell went on behind the scenes and whether those post-finale leaks about jaime being jon’s hand after killing cersei were true or not because like...... that ending, while imvho not the same as the book at all, had a lot of things I had thought would be canon so we should know if that was a thing or not, so I’m not gonna put sure dibs of what was GRRM’s for sure in the finale. that said.......

point one: jaime/cersei/brienne are definitely not ending like in the show. theon is not either. reasons in case: they split jon connington and aegon’s subplot on a) jorah b) dany c) cersei d) jon e) euron and they cut lady stoneheart which is where jaime and brienne’s sl was heading and cersei is most likely going in KL because aegon/jonc storm it and then dany takes it again at the end of WoW or smth, so that part is definitely not grrm’s in any way shape or form. as far as theon goes: they gave his main storyline to sansa and then they kept him around for basically nothing when in the books he’s a damned main character and the main pov for the winterfell/stannis/northern stuff that’s not the wall so like.... that shit ain’t happening same as the war against the others, or not like in the show; (and let’s not even touch dorne)

point two: bran being king of something makes sense (I wrote this meta on how him being a fisher king deconstruction supports such an ending after the finale before the maybe alternate finale leak happened but the basic point still stands) but at this point given that other leak... if it’s true I’d put that the seven realms split and bran is king in the north with jon in the south, if it’s not and king bran is actually endgame then rickon is getting the north and I’m getting to it in a moment, but anyway bran being king of something or somewhere is most likely grrm’s;

point three: if the fake leak isn’t true and bran gets king’s landing, then jon going back north could absolutely be a canon thing because like... let’s be real he wishes every other moment he could go back with the wildlings and he fit better there than anyone else, so that actually could have been a thing, otherwise he’s getting the south;

point four: sansa being queen in the north is definitely not happening imvho but as rickon is being set to be the key to the northern conspiracy and davos is going to get *him* in book canon I see as way more likely that he has a role of a lot more importance than RUNNING WHILE RAMSAY PLAYS TARGET SHOOTING. now, if bran stays north he’d probably adopt his heirs, if bran goes south he gets the throne and sansa is a lot more likely to be regent (for rickon) or counselor (for bran) rather than that qitn thing that makes no sense and was there for... woke points or smth;

point five: if arya goes around the world she goes with gendry. friendly reminder that if house baratheon goes presumably extinct in case shireen and stannis die then EDRIC STORM exists in the books, gendry isn’t there for that, and whatever arya ends up doing he goes with her most likely;

point six: I don’t think dany dies she doesn’t give me the vibe, but I always thought she’d give the throne up because she’d realize she eventually didn’t really want that as much as thought she should have it because viserys wanted it and go back to essos and thrive there because tbqh she was a lot better as a khaleesi if you ask me, but anyway.... technically she did go back to essos just not alive, but I think that might be a possibility;

point seven: the one thing I’m 99,9% sure that’s straight out of grrm’s outline is the small council switch to... well, basically at the beginning of the books the small council is pretty much your westeros equivalent of old white rich republican men or smth pass me the analogy, at the end of the show you have other than a king who’s disabled and a hand who’s disabled.. a woman, two former commoners (davos and bronn) and sam who might have been born noble but a) is an abuse victim, b) comes from his father, c) technically lost his title the moment he swore himself to the NW, d) knows exactly how it feels to Not Be Privileged and is in a relationship/has children with/has married a wildling woman who was also an incest/abuse victim, I mean let’s be real the entire small council has gone people belonging to extra privileged categories and who never knew discrimination in their life to all people who couldn’t access full privilege if they were nobles (brienne, sam and tyrion) or weren’t born into privilege (bronn and davos). that seems honestly to me like a thing that comes straight from grrm or this entire series isn’t about how cripples, bastards and broken things eventually come up on top (and guys come on asoiaf is also that and it’s a good portion of it). now, I don’t think that the books’s final small council will end up being the same as the show (for one I highly doubt brienne is in it and as LC, like hell brienne ends the series in the kingsguard, it goes against everything in her arc, and most likely bronn isn’t gonna be on it either, and if the leak where jaime was jon’s hand is true I have a feeling the switch might be with a bastard king [which is still not a thing that happens] plus tyrion would be on the council but as master of coin or smth else) but I think it might mirror the same idea ie that it’s all going to be made up of people who didn’t come from privileged categories or couldn’t access privilege fully if they did. like that was the one thing that while watching made me go like YEAH OKAY THAT’S GRRM THERE NOT D&D. that said with tyrion I think he gets casterly if he’s not hand but he’ll still be on the council anyway in some form but yeah tldr I think that the small council’s radical change in that sense is the one thing that they definitely grabbed from the outline.

I mean, I think that roughly that’s the stuff that might have been in the general outline, then again they killed all of dorne, ignored the greyjoy storyline, ignored lady stoneheart and jonc and changed stannis’s storyline in such a dumbass way that they might have written themselves into a corner because cutting all of THAT means that you can’t really follow an outline for which those elements were KEY IMPORTANT sooooo....... whatever he told them that then was shaken up/around for SUBVERTING EXPECTATIONS so now we have not the direct thing but some fourth-hand version of what grrm told them and you can try to guess but idk that’s me speculating. *shrug* 

[obsidianarchives]

Game of Thrones Recap: S8E4 - "The Last of the Starks"

Didn’t we almost have it all? At the moment I’m not sure I’m talking about the episode, this season, or (if you really want to get spicy) the first four seasons of the series, but this show started off SO WELL and then devolved into an unfounded attack on everything I love and believe in. We’re back to split locations this week so let’s get into it, and trust we’ll be discussing that ending. TW: There is brief discussion about the use of rape as a narrative tactic in the “Winterfell” section.

Winterfell

The episode picks up right where we left off last week as the survivors of the Great War bid farewell to those who paid the ultimate sacrifice for loss. As much as I’ve never seen it for either of them, Daenerys’s sadness over Jorah — her first friend and a man (for all his MANY faults) who was a constant throughout her adult life — and Sansa tearfully placing a Stark pin on Theon’s corpse were touching and earned conclusions of their character journeys. But there’s still no country for slave traders and child murderers so, bye!

Leading the ceremony, Jon puts some bass in his voice, does his best Captain America impression, and delivers the most impassioned and leaderly speech we’ve heard from him yet as he modifies the Night’s Watch farewell to begin lighting the pyres of fallen heroes outside the castle. Ramin Djawadi put his foot all the way in the score on this scene as we see just how much the fight took out of the survivors. All of our main characters are bruised and bloody, poor Ghost lost an ear, and Rhaegal has holes in his wings and is still too weak to fly without a bit of a hook. Everyone needs a drink.

And what an after party it is! Gendry suffers through awkward dinner conversations with his girlfriend’s father (we’ll get there) the Hound while he awaits Arya who’s a no-show at the feast. Daenerys sees him and takes the opportunity to note that he’s the unknown bastard son of a King. For a moment, I thought she was trying to make a point to Jon about the validity or lack thereof about his claim to the throne, but she instead legitimizes Gendry and proclaims him Lord of the Baratheon’s old seat of Storm’s End. By raising up the former blacksmith she not only installs a Lord Paramount of the Stormlands forever loyal to her, creating allies she desperately needs, she also buries another potential claimant against her crown.

For some reason Sansa is confused and disgusted by this and Tyrion clocks it but says nothing. As the drinking continues, Dany realizes how isolated she truly is as she listens to Jon be toasted by Tormund, a Kobe stan during a LeBron James championship parade. Instead of being a proud aunt towards her baby dragon riding nephew, Queen Daenerys sees how little she is loved by the Westorosi, an awakening that began with her witnessing Lord Royce and Theon’s admiration for Sansa earlier this season. Lurking dramatically behind her and observing all of this is, of course, Varys because he stays in the mess.

Ser Brienne, Podrick, and the Lannister brothers are playing Tyrion’s drinking game where they guess facts about each other, which is fun until the lord imp surmises that the newest knight from Tarth is a virgin. Brienne leaves in anger and shame while Jaime follows after her, leaving Tormund to finally realize where he stands as the third wheel, crying to the Hound. After Clegane chases him off into the arms of a willing Northern girl, Sansa and the Hound share their first conversation since season two and the Battle of Blackwater. When he acknowledges that the “little bird” has grown and changed as much as Arya, she tells him that without the horrors she’s had to endure she wouldn’t be the person she is today. There’s been a great deal of frustration with that line, as the notion that rape can be a tool to make a woman stronger, or that she owes her growth to the men in her life, is demonstrably false. I didn’t initially read the scene that way simply because the theme of terrible things and regrets forming people into who they are has been a repeated one this season (with Jaime, Bran, Theon, etc.), but it is a mark of poor and male-centric writing to not recognize the difference between intentional actions the male characters chose themselves and cruelty done to a character against their will that they’ve had to survive. But this wouldn’t be the last time the writers failed to understand context.

Gendry finally finds Arya in the castle working on her archery instead of reveling in the feast (Big Introvert Energy) and tells her that not only is he the son of a King, he’s now a proper lord himself. Kissing her, he gets down on one knee and tells her it doesn’t mean a thing without her by his side and proposes. Maisie Williams sells the scene with just her eyes, as she kisses Gendry back onto his feet, but has to let him down gently that being a lady is just not her. It calls back to what she constantly told Ned in season one, and the realization she had in her reunion with Nymeria last season.

Jaime channels his inner Drake and brings a flagon of wine to Brienne thee Stallion’s room, reminding her that she hasn’t finished the game. Brienne keeps her room nice and hot, so the Kingslayer starts to take off all his clothes, while probing her interest in Tormund. Always one to keep her guard up, Brienne finally realizes what’s about to happen and helps him take his shirt off as she joins him in disrobing and they finally consummate the years-long dance around and to each other’s hearts.

Daenerys and Jon finally have a heart to heart where Rhaegar’s son reiterates that he has no desire for the throne and is pledged to her. She then begs him to not tell anyone else (specifically Sansa and Arya) and to swear Samwell and Bran to secrecy lest the truth of a rival with a stronger claim gets out and threatens her position. So of course, Jon does the opposite and, forcing Sansa and Arya to promise to keep the secret in the family, has Bran divulge that he’s actually Aegon Targaryen. The scene cuts to black before we get to see their reactions to the news, but hold that thought.

With the demise of the Night King (who we’ll have to wait on the books which shall never be written to learn more about) and his army of the dead, Daenerys finally begins drawing up battle plans to take King’s Landing. As is her wont, the Dragon Queen wants ALL of the smoke and is ready to take Cersei out, whatever it takes. Ever the idealistic pacifist, Tyrion urges the long game of a siege to turn the people against her by starving the Lannisters out. Jon, who at this point doesn’t want to be in the middle of any other squabbles, concedes the feasibility of the plan but then in comes the maester of checking people in public, Lady Sansa. She councils a bit of patience on Dany’s part since her troops are dead tired from fighting zombies, one of her dragons is flying with a limp, and she really has no plan other than “I want the throne.” Admittedly, I’ve been #SansaHive for a while now, but the show seems intent on driving this division between the two matriarchs for no other reason than to manufacture tension and rush towards this narrative that Dany is the Mad Queen that has not been justified. Trying to get back in her good graces (or her bed), Jon however pulls rank and reminds the room that the North is pledged to Daenerys and will follow her to whatever end.

Ser Bronn finally arrives in Winterfell and displays the level-headed pragmatism that I’ve said more than once will put him on the Iron Throne. Rather than outright killing the Lannister men as Cersei wanted, he negotiates. While we finally discover the Queen offered him Riverrun and presumably reign of the Riverlands, Tyrion counters with Highgarden and the seat of the Reach. Less out of an affinity for the brothers and more because he’s seen what dragons can do to an army, he accepts the side he thinks is more likely to win, but promises his bill will come due once the war is over. Another thing this episode has done is remind us just how many Great Houses have fallen in Westeros. Daenerys mentions the support of a new, unnamed Prince in Dorne, and Edmure Tully is possibly still alive in a dungeon somewhere or hiding in oblivion with young Robin Arryn, but almost all of the ruling southern houses have been wiped out.

On the road from Winterfell, the Hound is riding south alone until he’s joined by Arya, and it seems they both have unfinished business back in the capital. If they’re pump faking us and we don’t get Cleganebowl, somebody has to square up. For now, the best buddy duo is back on the road again and neither have plans on coming back alive. Sansa, on the other hand, almost immediately tells Tyrion the ONE thing she promised not to and confides Jon’s secret identity. That’s how we know he wasn’t Ned’s son. Eddard managed to take decades of hate from his own wife to protect his nephew, Jon couldn’t even last a damn week.

The goodbyes continue as Tormund finally takes the wildlings back home to the REAL north to settle down and repopulate now that the threat of the White Walkers is gone. The show, choosing to emphasize his embrace of his Targaryen roots (and that he’s probably going to die soon) has Jon send Ghost north of the Wall as well, since a direwolf has no place in the South and would be happier. This is where the disrespect began and we should have seen the okey doke coming. The relationship between Jon and Ghost is one the show has always underplayed but my man would never! He didn’t even give his beloved companion a goodbye hug, simply looking on as Ghost whines for his friend. We also find out Gilly is pregnant with Sam’s baby for real this time, and if it’s a boy they’ll name him Jon. Yeah, he’s definitely going to die.

Hearing what went down at Dragonstone, Jaime, after knocking the sheen off of Brienne’s starry sapphire again for good measure, leaves in the middle of the night bound for King’s Landing. She runs out in her housecoat and slippers begging an ain’t shit man to come back into her life after just 24 hours; men are a curse. Jaime reads through the litany of things he’s done in the name of his love for Cersei and insists he’s not the good man Brienne thinks he is. It seems clear he’s going back to try to stop her this time (and possibly fulfill the prediction of the valonqar), but he doesn’t tell that to his new boo, who very uncharacteristically breaks down in tears.

Dragonstone

With her fleet preparing to invade King’s Landing and take back the throne, Daenerys and crew set sail to her birthplace on Dragonstone. Tyrion couldn’t even wait to make it to shore and immediately tells the news of Jon’s true parentage to the Benita Buttrell of Westeros in Varys, but he ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard it from him. As the ships drop anchor in the port however, Drogon and Rhaegal are attacked by Euron Greyjoy’s suspiciously sneaky Iron Fleet now outfitted with improved Scorpions which catch Rhaegal unaware, killing yet another dragon. Gotta pour one out for the homie as we’re now down to one and I am inconsolable. Daenerys in a rage is tempted to fly Drogon straight on to light them all up, but facing another round of fire is forced to flee. Euron being the trash panda he is then targets the ships themselves, sinking most of them and forcing the Unsullied to swim to shore. A distraught Grey Worm is left to panic as he screams for Missandei, who was not among those who washed up on the beach.

On the verge of losing everything, Daenerys is understandably tired of being checked by her advisors and is finally ready to burn the Red Keep to the ground if she can sit on the ashes. In a private conversation, Tyrion keeps trying to push the obvious solution that Jon and Dany, who are in love as it is, should just get married, solving all their problems. As infuriating as it may be that the simplest answer is the one that will never happen, even he realizes the futility of hoping for logic to win out. Varys stops short of admitting he’s putting a hit out on Dany, but the Spider, going back to his defense of the realm, is obviously ready to move on to a new leader and leaves Tyrion to drink.

King’s Landing

Meanwhile, back in the capital Cersei has been opening the Red Keep to the common folk in an attempt to call Dany’s bluff that she wouldn’t burn the city with so many people inside the castle walls. Congratulating walking STD Euron on his successful mission Cersei tells him she’s carrying his child (as Qyburn confirms), and hides her disgust as Greyjoy is overwhelmed with new daddy glee.

The writers then lose the plot entirely as they cut to Missandei, back in shackles, Cersei’s prisoner as the queen remarks “so much for the breaker of chains.” We’ll get to it soon but it goes without saying that seeing a Black woman, the ONLY Black woman on the show, placed back into bondage when her story arc has been one of rising above her enslavement is reprehensible. That said, this is a show about reprehensible people doing reprehensible things. It hurts no less, but what used to elevate the series was that these actions were grounded in an internal logic and narrative fullness that resonated with character motivation and agency for both sides. This was simply done for shock value, both in-universe for Daenerys and out of it for the viewers.

Outside the Red Keep, the walls of which we see have also been outfitted with Scorpions, the two Hands of the Queen meet to discuss terms, and when it’s clear that Cersei will not be surrendering, Tyrion tries to speak directly to his sister and beg for her better nature to avoid bloodshed, insisting that she’s not a monster. WHAT WOMAN DOES HE THINK HE’S BEEN DEALING WITH FOR ALL THIS TIME? Of course that nonsense doesn’t work and Tyrion’s inability to recognize that villainy is possible even under the guise of white womanhood is what should get him killed. Instead it’s Missandei who is caught in the crosshairs of the 53% as she utters her last words, “Dracarys,” before being beheaded by the Mountain.

My personal affinity for Missandei should be well known, so you can imagine how I reacted to seeing this mess. To clarify, it's not just that she died that was so galling. If you read the episode two review we called that happening, and I’d assume most of you weren’t shocked either, even though it doesn’t hurt any less. It’s the how and why that was so poorly handled that added insult to injury of the pain that's inherent when you have so few people of color in the cast in general, but Black women specifically. Had she had the agency to choose her own end and her death come as the result of her story arc, so be it. This is a show of terrors and loved characters die everyday, B. Had she died in the crypts of Winterfell fighting for her life and the Queen she believed in, and Daenerys and Grey Worm had gotten to mourn her the way they gave tired, rockface Jorah his final respects it would have been better. Had her Dracarys command gotten Drogon to start the roast of the city? We outchea! But for it to be simply the impetus to justify razing King’s Landing, and as a pawn in a war of aggression between two white women while she’s placed back in bondage, was a perfect storm of disrespect, to the character and the audience. We've established for seven seasons that that city is a rathole, filled with people we haven't seen in years. I don't care about Dany burning the castle to the ground, but NOW? I need Thanos to show up because I want nothing left but ashes. For a blog whose motto is MORE Black Girls MORE Dragons, this episode was always going to be particularly painful, but the fact that there was no greater narrative purpose for it makes it even worse.

[elenatria]

Tormund’s Wedding XV

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10614180/chapters/26854533

“Wake up, bitch.”

Brienne had barely opened her eyes when she felt a boot poking her ribs. She could have easily grabbed the man by the foot and thrown him to the ground; the only thing stopping her was the steely shine of Finbarre’s blade hanging inches from her nose. He wouldn’t kill her, no; he would maim her, probably attack the parts she wouldn’t need in battle – or in rape; teeth, nose, ears, fingers, a whole arm maybe if they made sure she didn’t bleed to death. Just enough to make her look pitiful and ridiculous.

She forced herself up.

“Walk,” she heard the man say, “They will soon be here.” She looked around; Tormund was already outside his cell, two men holding him by each arm, a knife pressed against the back of his neck.

“Who will be here?” she demanded.

“Don’t be curious,” the bald man spat. “You will soon find out.”

The guards pushed her and Tormund towards the staircase. When they finally reached the surface the sunlight hurt their eyes. Lord Glover was already there, waiting for them with Sansa on his side and two men guarding her.

“Where is Lord Royce, Aedan?” he asked the bald man.

“He’s with the boy, your lordship,” he croaked.

“What do you mean he’s with the boy?” Glover said impatiently.

“Pardon me, m’lord, he refused to leave his bedside during the night.”

Sansa’s pale lips trembled but she didn’t utter a word.

“He’d better join us soon,” Glover snarled. “Our guests could be here any minute now.”

Brienne sneaked a glance at Sansa who looked back at her; she had sickly black circles under her blue eyes.

“Open the gates!” someone barked from the other side of the Dreadfort’s walls. Two men rode into the yard, two northern lords. Their cloaks had furs and they had four silver chains drawn on their chestplates. Brienne couldn’t recognize the sigils but she could tell the men were related, they were both tall with strong jaws, pale cold eyes and long black hair. The older one took a look around before greeting Lord Glover, and then his tiny eyes settled on Tormund. He turned to the man on his side who seemed younger but had the same resentful look on his face.

“Look at that, Leecan,” he said with a jerk of his bearded chin. “That him, you think?

Leecan didn’t answer. He dismounted keeping his eyes fixed on the person his brother showed him.

“My lords,” Glover rushed to greet them. “I hope you had a safe journey. We need to finish this as soon as we can, before word gets out.”

“What, you plan on sending crows, Glover?” the bearded man quipped. “Or are you going to keep the women alive to spread the news?”

“No, Lord Ven. Lady Sansa will be sent to the Queen for killing king Joffrey, her beloved son. I don’t think she’ll have the chance to contact the King in the North ever again. As for Lady Brienne, that’s for you to decide what to do with her, my lords.”

“I’m sure their cocks can decide what to do with her,” Ven chuckled as he nodded towards Finbarre, Aedan and the rest of Littlefinger’s men. Finbarre smirked.

“We’re not here for pleasantries, brother,” Leecan snapped and crossed the yard hastily towards the group of men standing next to Brienne and her captors.

“You’re right,” Ven agreed. “But first let’s thank Lord Glover before the festivities begin, after all he was the one to message us about this great find. Your letter was most unexpected and most elevating, dear Robett, and we thank you for letting us know of his whereabouts,” he bowed to Glover.

“We’re lucky this fool followed Lady Sansa’s party cutting himself off Jon Snow’s protective entourage. I don’t know what he was thinking but all the better for us, don’t you agree?”

“Absolutely,” the bearded man nodded and walked to his brother who was already glaring at Lord Glover’s “find”. “So we meet at last,” Ven said resting his hands on his belt. “Tormund. Is that right? The infamous Tormund Giantsbane.” He tilted his head back in fake admiration. “The bear fucker. The leader of the wildlings. Or should I call you Lord Karstark now?”

Tormund frowned. These men looked horribly familiar but he just couldn’t put names to faces. The squinty eyes, the square jaws, the narrow noses, the cold stare. He had never seen those faces before, yet they seemed to know him. And he certainly knew them.

“It must feel good to be one of us now, eh?” Ven sniggered. “Look at your clothes, look at you.” He pulled at Tormund’s collar. “I imagine the lands you and your people will now feast upon like locusts, the warm walls to keep you safe from the coming winter, those same walls our ancestors built with their blood.” He placed his hand on Tormund’s shoulder squeezing hard and brought his face closer. “And of course little Alys’ sweet cunt,” he whispered dropping his head on the side. “The biggest prize of them all for serving the bastard so loyally. Was she sweet like butter when you split her pussy open? She must be real progress for you considering you only had bears to fuck beyond the Wall.” He hit Tormund’s shoulder mockingly. “Come on, what was she like? You can tell us.”

Tormund winced and gnashed his teeth. He tried to escape but Glover’s men were holding him by both arms.

“I’m sure you wasted no time tasting that minge and it felt good, eh wildling? I’m sure you fucked her good before she could even get out of her wedding dress, fucked her till she bled. Poor girl.  Isn’t that how you goat fuckers do it, you steal and fuck little girls in the ass, don’t you? But her cunt is too good for the likes of you, you dog. I mean, can you believe it? The women, the lands, the castles, the riches, all yours for the taking. But you know, Lord Karstark, we still own the north...”

Tormund froze; he had heard those words before. He had seen eyes like them before. He now recognized them despite the thick streams of blood that were running down his face choking him, blinding him, his own blood as well as that of the enemy. The enemy whose throat he had just ripped out with a wild triumphant howl.

Finally he knew who they were…

“You really thought we wouldn’t get to you in the end?” Leecan hissed pulling Tormund’s hair and making him grunt in pain, their eyes locked in a hateful stare. “You really thought that marriage of yours would protect you and we wouldn’t hunt you down after you slaughtered our brother?”

Brienne held her breath, her mouth hanging open.

It was them.

The remaining Umbers.

Seven help us.

She knew what Tormund had done to Smalljon Umber during the battle against the Boltons. “Always believe the stories about me, always,” he had told her the night before. Apparently those stories couldn’t be confined within the ranks of Jon Snow’s men. Bad news travelled fast, gruesome stories of hated blood thirsty enemies even faster.

“We knew you wildlings are animals who eat human flesh but you chose the wrong man to chew on, you smelly fucker,” Ven Umber spat. “You must be really proud of those strong teeth of yours, aren’t you?” he gloated pushing Tormund’s mouth open and shoving his thumb into his throat while he grabbed him by his messy ginger hair with the other hand to stop him from struggling. Tormund tried to bite down but Leecan swiftly pulled out his dagger and poked his throat, forcing him to stand still. “Your rich clothes won’t save you,” Ven continued. “That silver sun on your chest won’t save you. That jest of a marriage won’t save you. We’ll take our time pulling those wretched teeth one by one, the teeth that savaged our poor brother. And then we’ll ass-fuck you with them like you ass-fucked the Karstark girl. We’ll sit back to watch you shit blood and teeth, bastard.”

Once again at the mere mention of his wife Tormund struggled furiously, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed by Brienne, but Ven’s strong thumb in his throat kept holding him down and so did Leecan’s dagger. Glover’s men tightened their grip on Tormund’s arms not letting him move one inch against his enemies.

“But we’re at the Dreadfort, and no festivity is complete without some flaying,” Ven Umber kept taunting him and looked around. “It’s traditional and we northerners respect our customs, right, boys? Who knows, taking part in this age-old tradition of house Bolton might make a northerner out of you yet, Giantsbane! We all look the same under our skin after all.”

“Take my dagger, brother,” Leecan exhaled eagerly.

“I’m not so sure I want to start with the flaying, Lee,” Ven Umber said and took a step back pulling his thumb out of Tormund’s throat letting him breathe and cough at the same time. “I want him alive. Let him ponder a little longer on the thought of being flayed, I’d love to see the fear in his eyes. And who knows, by the time we get to use your dagger he might even beg us to kill him.”

Finbarre scoffed. “Have you ever done that, wildling? Have you ever begged?”

“No,” Tormund growled hoarsely, his glaring eyes dark and menacing like those of a caged wolf. “But you will.”

Ven Umber guffawed and turned to Glover. “Did you hear that, Robett? The filthy animal hasn’t learned manners yet, and he wants to be a northern lord.”

“Gag him,” Glover said and threw a piece of dirty cloth for Umber to catch. “Maybe you should start by chopping off an arm, or a foot, immobilize him first. He’s dangerous.”

“I might just do that,” Ven said and began to draw his sword as his brother gagged Tormund with the cloth.

“No, use that one,” Glover said and held up a big sword with a lion on its pommel. “It belonged to her but I don’t think she will be needing it anymore,” he said looking at Brienne. “It’s only fitting.”

“Don’t you dare…” Brienne growled through gritted teeth.

“What was that?” Glover began but the fearful glimpse in her eyes made him stop in his tracks. He saw the worry and the desperation. He saw everything. The feelings she had be trying to hide all this time were now plain as day.

“Oh. Ooooh,” he smiled as the realization hit him. “I understand now. I understand why the wildling left his newlywed wife to follow them into the wilderness. He followed her.” He pointed at Brienne who was now covered in cold sweat. “Lord Umber, it seems we hit two birds with one stone here. Torture one and you’re torturing both. She doesn’t want us to use her precious sword on her precious wilding. Do you, Lady Brienne?”

“Glover, you traitorous sadistic bastard…” Brienne hissed as she tried to escape the men holding her.

“Stay put and you might spend a little more time with your loved one before Finbarre and the rest take care of you too.”

Finbarre jolted joyously at the mention of his name; this is what he’d been waiting for since he saw her the previous night lying face down on the floor of her cell helpless and unconscious, her long legs spread open, the lower part of her gambeson folded up on her back and revealing her delicious behind to him. Soon there would be nothing between him and her ass, and it was about time he and his companions got paid for all their efforts.

“Are you getting wet, bitch?” Finbarre jeered. “I’ll get you wet I promise. I sure am getting hard for you right now.” He grabbed his crotch and rubbed it up and down causing the rest of the men to burst in laughter.

That was the straw that broke the horse’s back. No gag could silence Tormund’s wrath now, no dagger in his throat could keep him down. With a fearful roar he pulled his arm trying to get rid of one of his captors but he only managed to drag the man in front of him. Ven Umber immediately punched Tormund in the stomach making him fall on his knees.

“Not so fast, lovebird.”

Tormund gasped desperately for air, blood dripping from his lips. Ven had hit him so hard that Tormund barely felt or heard the ripping of his clothes as Leecan tore the back of his tattered tunic with the dagger.

“Time to see if you’re just like us under that thick skin of yours, wildling,” Lord Glover said. “Time to see if… Royce. Finally you’re here. What’s wrong?”

The grizzly man had just appeared in the courtyard, pale as a ghost, lips trembling.

“You’re shaking, my lord, what’s happening?” Glover insisted.

“Dead…” Lord Royce whispered. “He’s… he’s dead…”

“Who is dead?”

“Lord Arryn... Robin… Robin’s dead. My sweet sweet boy.”

Nobody spoke. Sansa was hardly breathing. The Umbers were too busy kicking Tormund and ripping the remains of his tunic. For a moment there the men’s grip on Brienne felt loose; it was now or never, she would escape them while they were distracted, but Sansa was far from her and standing too close to Glover. Brienne might not get a chance to grab a weapon before Glover used Oathkeeper to threaten Catelyn Stark’s daughter.

Tears were running down Yohn Royce’s cheeks.

“He was mine to protect after Lady Lysa died and I… I couldn’t save him.  I couldn’t save Lord Arryn. That arrow… it must have been poisoned. The Vale… the Vale is doomed.”

He was stuttering now, his hands shaking uncontrollably.

“Pull yourself together, man!” Glover urged him grabbing his shoulder and trying to steady him with one hand, the other still holding on to Oathkeeper. “Nothing’s lost. Lord Baelish will be the lord of the Eyrie now, calm down!”

“Lord Baelish…!” Royce lifted his head in a moment of clarity, tears still welling up in his eyes.

Robett Glover let go of Royce’s shoulder taking a step back. It was too late now, he had to speak. His eyes were cold as ice.

“You didn’t expect Lord Baelish to let the boy live, did you?” he said in a low dark voice. “He would never let a weakling stand in his way to become lord of the Vale.”

“You… knew?!... And you let it happen?”

Glover blinked.

“I didn’t let it happen. I ordered it.”

Lord Royce was too dumbfounded to utter a single word. Sansa was shedding silent tears. Even the Umbers stopped beating Tormund and lifted him up grabbing him by both arms as they watched the exchange between the two lords. Tormund was coughing out blood, his brow split open, his face and naked torso badly bruised. He was too weak to resist them anymore.

Brienne felt her heart miss a beat.

She had failed the lady she had sworn to protect.

She had failed the man she loved.

“You… ordered it…!” Royce muttered.

“It had to be done. Ever since those wildling bastards invaded our lands nothing was the same. I'm glad we'll get rid of them at last and I can only thank Lord Baelish for that. It was his idea to capture Tormund after he sent Robin and Sansa to the Eyrie for their supposed marriage. Littlefinger would never give up the Eyrie to a retarded little boy.”

“That little boy was my lord! He could have let him live!” Royce barked.

“No he couldn’t, you know it as well as I. That was the price we had to pay to get rid of the wildling leader, my lord. It was a fair trade. He didn’t tell you because he knew you would back down, but he told me. I instructed his men to use the poisoned arrow. It’s all for the best, now calm down!”

A dark crazy laughter filled the air, a chilling barking sound. Everyone turned to Tormund. His face was a bloody bruised mess but he could still laugh. The Umbers held him tight but they didn’t dare stop him. He was cackling uncontrollably and spitting blood at the same time.

“You fucking kneelers,” he roared trying not to choke on his own blood. “You fucking stupid kneelers. Finding new lords and kings to kneel to every single time. How does it feel now, Royce? How does it feel to bend the knee to Littlepecker of all people? He tricked you well, didn’t he?”

Royce stopped weeping. His eyes were fixed on Tormund.

“You’ll be fine serving that smirking little weasel now. You deserve each other, you know,” Tormund nodded. “Come to think of it, it could be an improvement from that dim-witted runt you had for a lord. I wonder if he would ever manage to wield a sword or hit a target with an arrow. I doubt it but I’m sure you’d urge him to try, if he ever let go of his feeding bottle that is. But I guess we’ll never know, will we? I’m sure he couldn’t even take a piss without you.”

Royce’s eyes widened as all rational thought left him.

“Songs will be written about you, old man, wait and see,” Tormund giggled. “The Wet Nurse and the Halfwit. I’m sure you’d even breastfeed him if you could, that does sound like something you-“

Not a second passed and Oathkeeper was no longer in Glover’s hand. It was in Royce’s furious grip as he pushed back Glover stealing the sword from him, marching frantically towards Tormund. Brienne yanked at her captors instinctively, tightening her right fist but grabbing nothing but air, as if trying to control Oathkeeper from a distance. What was this madman thinking? Was this his ultimate attempt at a petty triumph over his tormentors, his final insult? What a fool, what a STUPID fool!

“You shut your mouth, you filthy-“ Royce hissed.

“Or what?” Tormund mocked him with a mad desperate grin on his face. “Will you help me piss as well, Royce? Will you hold my pecker for me? You’ll need both hands, old man, it’s quite heavy…”

With a horrible cry Royce lifted Oathkeeper over Tormund’s head but Tormund was quicker; and stronger. At the very last minute he pulled his left arm in front of him with a beastly growl dragging Leecan between him and Royce’s sword, shielding himself against the aged knight’s rage. Oathkeeper landed on Leecan’s neck half-beheading him, blood squirting everywhere. As soon as his left arm was released Tormund turned the other way and clobbered Ven Umber’s face until it was a mass of blood and broken bones. Before Royce could pull Oathkeeper out of Leecan’s neck Tormund grabbed Ven’s sword and chopped off Royce’s hand. Oathkeeper fell on the ground with a clang. The aged lord was screaming.

Tormund’s distraction was enough; for a split second Brienne felt her captors’ grip loosen up. Now was the time. She head-butted one of them and pushed the other to the ground, kicking him until he was unconscious. She then took his sword and pierced his chest through and through before finishing off the other man as well.

As soon as they saw what was happening, Finbarre, Aedan and the others grabbed their swords and circled the pair. Brienne was quick enough to grab Sansa, drag her away from Glover and place her behind her. She had her back turned on Tormund and couldn’t see his watchful eyes, his tense muscles or his head crouching like a predator, and as the adrenaline set her pulse racing with deafening violence she could hardly hear his quick breathing.  But for the first time in her life she had the weirdest feeling: she felt as if she was in two places at once. Their hearts beat as one, their breathing was synchronized. And even with her back turned on him it was like she was looking in a mirror.

That moment they were one. And they had only one thing in their minds: escape.

Tormund didn’t wait for Littlefinger’s men, he attacked first. They thought they had him at a disadvantage but the beating he took from the Umber brothers did nothing to soothe his rage. In a matter of minutes he eliminated all his opponents. Except one.

Finbarre was crawling on the ground trying to escape Tormund but his leg was broken. He was sniveling like a baby as he turned on his back, raising his hands in a hopeless attempt to protect himself from the wild monster with the flaming hair.

“Don’t… Don’t kill me!” he begged. “Please…”

“What did you say to my woman?” Tormund growled.

“Please! Oh please don’t..!”

“What. Did you say. To my woman.”

Tormund grabbed him by the hair and Finbarre cried in pain. “Are you wet enough for me, blondie?” he whispered. “Are you? Oh I forgot, you don’t have a pussy. Well, let me carve one for you.”

He raised Oathkeeper and shoved it into Finbarre’s groin. The young man squealed like a pig. Tormund stabbed him again and again until his crotch was covered by a glistening pool of blood.

The half-naked madman smiled coldly as drops of Finbarre’s blood were running down his forehead. “Seems wet enough to me now,” he chuckled.

He turned to Brienne and Sansa. The last man standing was Glover. He was in a bad state and weaponless with Brienne’s sword pointing at his neck but he was still looking her in the eye. Yohn Royce was sitting on the ground next to him. He was dying, the loss of his hand had drained him.  Tormund almost pitied the old man.

“Go on,” Glover muttered. “You might as well kill me.”

“I might,” Brienne quipped with a steely voice.

Glover didn’t expect that answer. For a moment there he thought of surrendering but he knew it was too late to beg. “You can tell the King in the North,” he said decisively “What I did, I did it for my people. I did it for my Erena.”

“It is quite unfortunate then that you won’t be there to tell her,” Sansa murmured calmly and her eyes were darker than the rain clouds that were gathering in the sky. She slowly turned to Brienne and nodded. Brienne nodded back. Without hesitation the warrior woman swang her sword and beheaded Robett Glover, the lord of Deepwood Motte. His lifeless body collapsed on the ground in front of Yohn Royce who was now too weak to even sit up.

The Knight of the Vale tried to lift his head and face the people he had persecuted. He struggled to lean on his elbow but he had lost too much blood. He lied back down.

“Lady Stark, I’m so sorry,” he wheezed. “So very sorry. I don’t deserve to live as I don’t deserve to find peace in death either.”

Sansa kneeled beside him and brushed his hair back wiping away the sweat from his feverish forehead. He was pale as death but his grey eyes were full of regret and sorrow.

“You brought the Knights of the Vale to the north, Lord Royce,” Sansa said as she tried to smile. “You helped my brother. You deserve Mother’s mercy.”

“I betrayed you...” Royce whimpered. He had lost too much blood now, and there were no tears left in his eyes. Only pain.

“I’m so sorry, Lady Stark, I’m so…”

Sansa knew he was a traitor but couldn’t hold back her tears. “Give my greetings to Sweetrobin when you see him. I know you will.”

“I’m so sorry, my lady, I’m… So….” He stopped struggling. He was finally at peace.

He wasn’t a lord, or a knight, or a traitor anymore.

He was nothing.

Sansa wiped her tears as the first raindrops started falling.

“Time to go,” Tormund said dryly and he turned his back on the bodies of the northern lords and Littlefinger’s men. “I’ll get the horses.”

“Lady Sans-“ Brienne said.

“I’m alright,” Sansa interrupted her. “Let’s go.”

Brienne took a deep breath – she knew Sansa was suffering even if she was too proud to show it. The last few days had been horrifying to her.

“I promise you as soon as we’re able to send a raven I’ll ask for men to come here and burry the bodies of Lord Arryn and Lord Royce.”

“I wish their bodies could be taken back to the Vale,” Sansa replied. “Sweetrobin would like to be with his mother.”

“I know,” Brienne said taking a small bow.

“The horses are ready, come on,” Tormund barked.

Brienne gave him a scornful look. “Can you wait? Lady Sansa needs a bit of a rest. Just a little longer.”

“She can rest,” Tormund answered. “On her horse. Soon it will be pouring down and we do not want to stay anywhere near the Dreadfort. We don’t know if Lord Littlepecker has sent any more men.”

“Lady Sansa is mourning. She just lost her cousin. That ‘dim-witted runt’. I think Lord Arryn deserves your respect – and your patience.”

Tormund pulled the straps of his saddle and looked at her. Headstrong to the end.

He shrugged tilting his head.

“So be it. The rain can wait for us I guess. Although you shouldn’t take my words about the boy so seriously.”

“Perhaps I should,” Brienne snapped. “Was that the great plan you came up with yesterday after I… after we… talked?

Tormund let out a snicker but Brienne ignored him.

“Did you have to offend Lord Arryn’s memory so much in front of Lady Sansa?”

Tormund gave her a look of disbelief. “He’s dead. We’re alive,” he said and without warning he threw Oathkeeper for Brienne to catch. It would have hit her in the face if not for her impeccable reflexes. It almost did. “I hope you’re happy we are,” he continued icily as he turned his back on her.

“I am happy.”

“You don’t look happy to me, Lady Brienne.”

“I am happy… you are… not dead.”

The change in her tone made him turn. She was looking down embarrassed, her cheeks, spilled with blood just like his, blushing like a little girl’s. Tormund smiled.

“Is this the closest to a love confession I’ll ever get from you?” he sighed. His heart was already racing but if she kept being stubborn as a mule he wouldn’t take a single step towards her. He only wished they were alone.

“No. But this is.”

Without letting go of Oathkeeper, Brienne walked towards him, put her hand on his cheek and placed a light kiss on his lips. She sure knew how to surprise him. His lips parted as he closed his eyes and tasted the sweat and the blood and the sweetness of her mouth. Gods, this was heavenly. Her tongue dominated his and then it dawned on him: they had never kissed before. They had done lots of things to each other but this was their first kiss. And he wasn’t dreaming, it was real.

He let his hand slide around her waist and he gently pressed her against his naked torso. He heard her moan. Just a tiny moan, meant only for him to hear. And there was nothing he could do about his erection now. He wondered if she was as excited as he was, if there was another way to tell. He was dying to feel her ass, make her feel his hard-on but he didn’t want to offend Sansa, or Brienne would take his head. But she was still holding back, still hugging him with only one hand. The other was holding Oathkeeper, never letting it go.

Tormund pulled back and smiled as their lips glistened with saliva and drops of rain. Their hair was getting more and more wet but none of them seemed too eager to leave now.

“Is this another distraction to make us stay longer under the pouring rain?” he joked. “Do you have an ulterior motive again?”

“No,” Brienne smiled back beaming with joy. She was the most charming creature in the world.

“In that case…” Tormund took her hand gently by the wrist, held Oathkeeper by the hilt and made her loosen her grip. He put down the blade slowly, carefully, without ever letting her go of his sight, smiling as he rose again to hold her with both hands. He couldn’t help noticing her biting her lip ever so slightly, lustfully, as her gaze travelled down his round belly and even lower than that. She wanted to see him. With a deep sigh he pressed her against him and was happy to feel both her hands caressing his back, his ribs, his waist, her fingers sneakily reaching into the back of his trousers as she lost herself in his mouth, and tried to steady herself while he gave in to his uncontrollable desire for her. And since he couldn’t feel her generous curves or dive into her pants just yet he simply stood there, waiting for the hot wave of desire to retreat and his heart to calm down.

Finally they pulled away from each other.

“Let’s go,” Brienne whispered in his ear.

“Yes, it’s time,” Tormund agreed and smiled back. “Or you’ll finish me in front of Sansa, and I’m sure I’ll never hear the end of it.”

[wendynerdwrites]

Punch

I wrote a take on the crypt scene from the trailer.

Jon:

Baelish should not be here. He doesn’t belong here. He doesn’t deserve to stand at the crypt of Ned Stark. He betrayed Ned Stark.

Just seeing that worm down here makes Jon’s skin crawl. Granted, that’s how he reacts to seeing Littlefinger in any context. But it’s especially bad down here.

Baelish’s presence doesn’t even make sense. The man is almost always either hovering around Sansa, or trying to. Even when doors get slammed in his face, he’ll wait by those doors, ready to pounce the moment she emerges from the council chamber. Ghost even started sleeping right outside her bedchambers to keep the man away.

Seeing him here, though, it’s especially odd. And not just because Sansa isn’t here. It’s past midnight, everyone should be asleep.

Jon was unable to sleep for a number of reasons. His whole world has shattered and turned itself upside down over the past year. And the revelation Bran arrived with certainly hasn’t helped. In addition to his identity crisis, it’s subconsciously made him a bit more receptive to… well, thoughts he shouldn’t have. Especially at night.

The King figured no one would be down here now. That it was safe to visit his mother’s crypt.

He and Sansa decided to keep it secret for now, not wishing to ignite anymore chaos within their already-fragile government. Or, rather, Sansa decided. Jon jumped at the chance to abdicate in her favor. He’s never felt comfortable with his title.

But they especially didn’t want Littlefinger to know. If Baelish found out that Eddard Stark’s eldest son, the King in the North, wasn’t really Eddard Stark’s son… That he was in fact a potential rival to that dragon queen currently setting half the south ablaze…

As she pointed out, it’s better keeping things quiet.

Still, Jon likes visiting Lyanna’s grave when he’s restless. It helps at least add some context to his new identity.

Littlefinger shouldn’t be here.

Jon supposes it’s better than having the man hovering outside Sansa’s bedroom window, but he still has no place in these crypts.

Baelish hovers around Robb’s crypt instead, studying it by the light of his lantern. With his black cloak and white fur collar, raised arm, and pale face, to Jon he looks like a vulture. Fitting.

The King in the North loathes to be alone with this man. He always feels on the verge of snapping and throttling that vile son of a snake. Especially when he sees that condescending smirk.

Jon knows better. He can’t trust himself alone with this man, not here, with no sleep. But before he can flee, the vulture looks up and spots him.

He straightens up, turns theatrically, and smirks. “Your Grace! I suppose sleep eludes you as well?”

No, I’m asleep right now, actually. This is how I do it, the king thinks impatiently.

“Aye,” Jon says, reluctantly walking over to Robb’s crypt. He wants to know what Baelish was looking for. He stands next to the man silently, arms folded in front of him. He examines Robb’s newly-finished resting place. The masons did good work.

There’s silence for a while. Until...

“You see me as a threat, don’t you, Your Grace?”

Jon glances sideways at Baelish. “I see you as lots of things, Lord Baelish.” Sometimes I see you in my dreams, your cries for mercy dying away as I crush your neck beneath my boot. “You’re a powerful man, and you didn’t become powerful by accident.”

“Good. You’re a smart man. But you must believe me, I only want what’s best for Sansa.”

“I believe you want Sansa,” Jon replies before he can stop himself, “As a smart man, I know the difference. And I also believe that your desire for her is not what’s best for her.”

Baelish doesn’t know that Sansa’s told Jon about him selling her to the Boltons. He doesn’t know that he’s a dead man walking. That the only reason he still breathes is because Sansa wants to milk him dry of all of his contacts, gold, and secrets before she has him executed. He doesn’t know she’s only pretending to trust him again out of resentment towards the half-brother who was crowned over her. He doesn’t know that she’s faking her apparent receptiveness to his attentions. He doesn’t know that she spends at least a quarter hour every evening detailing how revolting she finds him to Jon. Baelish thinks he’s playing the Starks. He doesn’t know they’re playing him. He’s a man who thinks he knows everything. He knows nothing.

“Oh? The man who got her out of King’s Landing before that lunatic Cersei Lannister executed her for a murder she didn’t commit?”

Jon seethes. You’re the one who framed her! But he’s not supposed to know that.

“A man who immediately let her be kidnapped and tormented by a sadist?”

Baelish flinches. “It was a mistake. But I remind you, when you were both about to fall to that sadist again, I was the one who gathered the men you needed. The army that won you back your home.”

The same men you might have gathered before. The one you could have used to win her her home back without selling her to her raper! Jon is ready to scream.

“If the aid you gave us,” Jon says after several deep breaths, “Came under the condition that you have her, then you’re not the sort of man I trust her with. You are her uncle, I’d remind you. You are the Lord Protector of her cousin. The ward of her grandfather.”

“I made no such condition.”

“Are you making a proposal now?” Jon asks.

“No, that would be improper. I’m just… interested.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear.”

Baelish snorts. “Not just in Sansa. But in you, how you see me. It’s clear you don’t like me. I can’t imagine why.”

This is a trap. Jon chooses his words carefully. “I don’t like the way you do business. Even in the North, we know what trade you deal in, my lord. I also don’t like how you got your current title. You served the Lannisters very well for years. And were richly rewarded for it. Once you got what you wanted, you betrayed them. Just because it served my interests doesn’t mean I can’t find it suspect.”

“I see. But why would I betray those who so rewarded me to serve the Starks if I didn’t truly care for her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you do. But even if that’s so, that doesn’t mean you’re right for her. Besides, after what my sister endured, she doesn’t need that sort of attention.”

“She’ll receive it regardless,” Baelish points out, “You of all people know that.”

Jon’s heart begins to thud in his chest. There’s something in the man’s tone... He turns slightly and looks Baelish in the eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Though I don’t have any siblings, I understand the instincts of a protective male relation, especially when it comes to suitors. I grew up watching the Blackfish with Catelyn and Lysa. I see hints of it in your little brother. He doesn’t like me, either.”

“We don’t like how you look at her.”

Baelish smirks. “I don’t like how you look at her, either.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Despite what you pretend to think, we both know that when it comes to Sansa, you have far more in common with me than you do with your brother. You don’t care a fig about my business. You don’t care about shifting loyalties. If you did, you wouldn’t be so friendly with the wildlings. The real reason you see me as a threat, Your Grace, is that as a brother, you’re less a Bran Stark and more a Jaime L-”

Jon has him against the wall. He clutches Baelish’s throat the way he’s dreamt of doing for nearly a year. Baelish struggles only a little, grasping Jon’s wrist. He still smirks.

“I observed Jaime Lannister as well,” he chokes out, “I was one of the first to see it! Not hard for a brothel-keeper to notice!”

The King in the North tightens his grip. He can’t stand another word.

The man is silenced, aside from a few choking sounds. His smirk finally drops. His face starts turning blue. And, at last, he looks truly afraid. Now it’s Jon turn to smirk.

“You know nothing, Petyr Baelish,” he hisses, “Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. So why don’t you shut up for once?”

“STOP!”

That voice…

It’s become an instinct with him, the way he responds to that voice. He knows it at once. It commands every ounce of his attention at the slightest syllable. And he cannot resist it.

He drops Baelish, who crumbles on the floor, sputtering and clutching his throat.

In a flash, Sansa’s crouching down on the ground beside him, helping Baelish to his feet. She glares at Jon, who stumbles back.

“What are you doing?” She cries, “You could have killed him!”

Jon swallows. Not ‘could have’. ‘Would have’. Would have killed him.

“You don’t understand, he-”

“-I don’t care!” Sansa snaps, “He’s my friend, Jon! And even if you don’t care about my feelings… Strangling a guest, a vassal, an ally under your own roof?! What are you, a Frey?!”

That hurts most of all. Jon is speechless as Sansa tries to soothe Baelish and escort him towards the exist. It’s only now that Jon notices Ghost. He shares a look with his direwolf, and the beast follows the two out.

Jon sinks to his knees when she gone, clutching his temple. Oh, gods. How much did she hear?

He recalls something his fa--Lord Stark-- once said, “Cutting out a man’s tongue does nothing. It merely tells the world that you afraid of what he has to say.”

What did strangling Baelish tell Sansa?

How will he face her again?

Even if she isn’t convinced now, the idea will be planted. And she’ll be looking for it. And, eventually, she will know for sure.

He was her brother.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Sansa:

“He’s a madman!” Littlefinger moans, still clutching his throat as she escorts him back to his chambers. He says much for a man who claims, “He’s broken my neck, I’m sure of it!”

“I’ll have a maester called,” she tells him, depositing him in his rooms. She turns away, as eager as ever to leave him. He reaches for her.

“Sansa… Stay with me, please.” His voice, like the rest of him, is pathetic.

“I will come right back once the maester has been fetched,” she lies, fleeing. Her heart pounds. She gives a quick instruction to an on-duty guard to get Maester Daemon, but then hurries off to Jon’s rooms. He’s not returned, so she rushes back down to the crypts.

She finds him on the floor, back against Lyanna’s tomb, head in his hands. Her heart sinks. Perhaps she’s become too skilled at masking her feelings for her own good.

“Jon.”

He looks up and scrambles to his feet. “My Lady!”

She stifles a giggle. When he’s at his most nervous, he addresses her by title or style. He doesn’t do that with anyone else, she realizes. Only her. Gods, how did she not realize it before?

Sansa walks toward him, gentle smile on her face. “So, what are we to do now?”

“I-I-I don’t know. Have I ruined everything for you?”

“Not everything,” she replies, “Littlefinger has lived out enough of his usefulness, I think. He’s officially become more trouble than he’s worth.”

Jon closes his eyes for a moment. “I’m glad to hear that, at least. But I’m still sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She pauses, take a deep breath, and makes her decision. “You love me. That’s nothing to apologize for. I’ve always wanted to be loved by a good man.”

Jon goes white. “Of course I love you,” he sputters, “You’re my--”

“--Don’t,” she stops him, moving up close and pressing her fingertip to his lips, “Don’t do that. Please don’t pretend anymore.”

Jon closes his eyes again. “Sansa, I didn’t mean for this to happen. I don’t want to be like the others.”

“Mission accomplished.” She smiles. “You’re not.”

She leans forward and presses her lips to his. He’s still for a short time, but then responds enthusiastically. When she pulls her mouth from his, she presses her forehead to his and sighs.

“So I ask again,” she whispers, stroking his cheek, “What are we going to do? You are still a Stark as far as the world knows, and we do not want to provoke the Dragon Queen. So how do you intend to manage this?”

Jon takes a few deep breaths. “I’m not sure. This sort of thing is usually more your specialty. Any suggestions?”

“I suppose we’ll just have to be discreet.” She smiles. “You’ve become a man of many secrets, Jon Stark. Who knew you could be so duplicitous?”

He grins. “I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything except that I love you.”

Gods, that feels so good. It feels even better to reply, “I love you, too.”

They trade more kisses.

Petyr Baelish is arrested for treason the next day. Sansa revels in the shock on his face as she accuses him. Littlefinger’s trial goes a fortnight. All that time, she and Jon steal wicked kisses whenever they can steal away. They’re like naughty children.

But even he doesn’t know about the things she’s sent for, the materials she’s required. The herbs, shipped in from The Vale, that she hides in little silk bags she keeps in the locked drawer of her desk.

She watches in satisfaction as Longclaw sinks into Littlefinger’s neck, as the blood sprays, as Jon wipes his blade once the deed is done. Their eyes meet as the gallows are cleared. She feels so free.

She feigns a headache at dinner and retires early. She sneaks into Jon’s chambers and slips naked beneath his furs. When he finally enters, his jaw drops at the sight of her. His grey eyes seem to glow with lust in the candlelight as he steps to the side of the bed. She expects him to kiss her.

He does, in a fashion. He drops to his knees, reaches up, grabs her thigh, and pulls her roughly so her spread legs hang over the bed. And he kisses her other set of lips.

Sansa doesn’t know what she expected, but it isn’t this. Her toes curl, her eyes roll back, and she’s as much at his mercy as Baelish was.

She doesn’t mind, as she knows the feeling is mutual.

[libraryprisoner]

READ BETWEEN THE LINES of Episode 7x06

So this is my first post and my first answer to anything, I’m more of a silent observer but the latest episode had me on the verge of angry tears, because it just seemed so fucked up. It was like D&D systematically destroyed beloved characters I got attached to over the last 7 season of game of thrones. And since being an librarian and book lover I can’t let that happen uncommented.

So I came on to check the Jonsa tag and found this little piece about how Jon might be playing Dany and even if I am not agreeing to everything in it, I think marydri in onto something here.

I was surprised how much conversation between the characters actually took place during the episode, when it actually seemed to be more action laden. So I took the time to see through the conversation especially Jon was involved, especially with the members of the Suicide Squad.

Tormund, reminding him that pride gets people killed, implying he should bend the knee. Dany said to him that he should lay aside his pride and bend the knee, he himself said it to the king beyond the wall, and I think when Tormund is telling him the exact same thing, he starts to accept that it might be his only choice.

Beric saying that he and Jon won’t find much joy in this life but they can keep others alive, they can protect the ones who can’t protect themselves. Not serving a woman he barely knows sitting on a throne made of swords, but fighting for life. I am the shield that guards the realms of man. Jon agrees to that and what has he more to protect than his family? His siblings in Winterfell, the Wildling who are sworn to him. It’s not for this queen he is fighting for, but the people he swore to protect, that including Sansa.

I remember after I saw the episode I was so angry at Jon for leaving Sansa behind in danger, with Littlefinger lurking around every corner, and now bending the knee just because he seems like he wants to get laid. Swears to a queen he knows for three episodes. I agree it’s all to rushed.

But then I thought about, that this whole episode just felt wrong, all the tension  between Arya and Sansa, it just didn’t make sense. But then I thought maybe the big theme of the episode was fraud. I think Arya and Sansa are playing Littlefinger. They know he has spies everywhere. Arya saw him lurking in dark corners with them, also with the Maester.

The Sansa Arya  fight about her letter and betraying her father takes place the open not in a private room. Everyone could overhear that. The message the Maester gives her from kings landing and the following dialoque is also in the open not a private room. Then Sansa summons Littlefinger and seems to seek help from him because of Aryas spying but what she really does is using Littlefinger to make her own lie more believable. He gives her the one clue that would make her appear even more volnurable for his attacks and that is Brienne. By mentioning that Brienne would sense that Arya wants to harm her, he actually gives away that he himself fears her. He is afraid that Brienne could interfere his own plot. Sansa realizes this and gets rid of Brienne with fake Raven. Says it’s an invitation to kings landing to the Maester who could be Littlefingers spy, because he helped finding her letter from ages ago, and brought it to him.

She also burns the letter after she tells Brienne to go to Kings Landing, so nobody will ever know if the letter was real or not. The conversation with Brienne takes also place not in a private room. She even picks a fight with Brienne to make her bluff more convincing and let Littlefinger think that she is sending away her only protection against his plots. Also the door behind Brienne is wide open. Perfect to spy on them.

So maybe the reason this episode feels so wrong could be because it’s all a fraud, even Jons knee bending. He needs to, in order to protect Winterfell and his family.

He sees Viserion fall and he can’t be that stupid as not to predict what comes next, especially after encountering the White Walker polar bear. He should know his enemy good enough by now. What is going through his mind, when he sees Viserion fall is not his guilt over loosing Danys Dragon, but giving the night king a possibility to win for good. His only chance are the two dragons he has left, and he needs to keep them and Daenerys as an ally on every cost.

Also I noticed that the Night King walks through fire unharmed. And he kills dragon with ice that goes through the Dragon like butter unlike Bronns Scorpion Arrow. That means the door swings both ways. Ice and Fire negate each other. Fire kills walkers, ice kills dragon. But the fire does not harm the knight king because he is immune to fire? Because he is a Targaryean?

Also I noticed the touch of hands. The moment Jon shares with Dany. We didn’t see much physical contact with Jon involved except from Sansa, and everytime she touched his hand he stoped and looked at the joined hands, like in disbelieve that someone touched him. So this could only be my Jonsa heart but I thought maybe when he touches Danys hand he remembered Sansa.

So what about the distant stare in the end of the “My queen” scene? Could be guilt. A look of shame for playing Dany and realizing that she really feels for him?

I mean he must be blind to see the heart eyes coming his way. But it always seemed to be at least one sided until the hand touching. I don’t know, it could also be real affection for Dany. Maybe an affection of the blood. And they mistake it and try to give it a form, a form they know, like a romance.

Could also be that Kit Harington is a bad actor and stares blunt into nothingness when he tries to be romantic, but he wasn’t with Ygritte and he shows emotion with Sansa. Could be, this is because he is good mates with Sophie Turner and Rose Lesie is his girlfriend. Could be he can’t suppress real life emotion and act love. A lot of could be. I am trying not to get my ship sailed to much in fear of rejection here.

Whatever it might be and if Jonsa is endgame or not, one thing is clear. Jonaerys won’t last long, maybe just for the Boatsex and then Jon will stop at nothing to protect his family and those sworn to him. That means Winterfell, that means Sansa.

But ( and yes I know what this means, but hear me out)

I also think the Boatsex will have the consequence of a child. Why, because of 7x06 conversations.

Jorah mentions that Jon could give his sword to his children.

Daenerys saying that the dragons will be the only children she will ever have.

Tyrion being concerned about who sits on the Iron thrown after Daenerys. Also mentions that she can’t have children and should choose a successor.

Three conversations about children and successors in one episode !

I think only a Targaryen can spawn a Targaryen. Like it was for centuries before, and Danys child will sit on the Iron thrown, after her while Jon is dying a heros death, again, in order to protect his real family, the Starks of Winterfell.

And last but not least. Did anyone notice Jons wounds? They seem like the don’t heal so well. Any thoughts on that?

And I’m out lol sorry for any misspellings, English is not my first language ;)

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[roselesliesource]

You could forgive Rose Leslie for finding it rather trying to have the same 5 words incessantly yelled at her in the street – even if those 5 words are ‘You know nothing, Jon Snow’ and came as a result of her stellar 3-year stint on Game of Thrones. But it turns out that Rose is so very nice as to insist she actually likes it. ‘It’s a lovely thing to be on the receiving end of,’ she says. ‘I feel so lucky, a, to have [a catchphrase] and, b, to be a part of a show that is universally adored.’ It’s a sunny spring day, but the east London warehouse we’re shooting in is so inexplicably cold that even a person who grew up in a Scottish castle (that would be Rose) is gripped by the chill. Still, she poses gamely around the freezing space to show off SS17’s key deconstructed pieces to their best advantage. From the big fashion hitters to the titans of television, Rose’s ascent to stardom has come via some of the modern era’s most celebrated shows: her breakout role Gwen in the first season of Downton Abbey, then Thrones’ Ygritte, Wildling warrior and doomed love of Jon Snow. Now her flawless record continues with The Good Fight, the much-anticipated The Good Wife spin-off and a newly minted hit. The series follows Christine Baranski’s Diane Lockhart as she moves to a new law firm after her plans to retire fall through (she loses all her money in a Ponzi scheme run by a close friend); Rose plays Maia, Diane’s beloved goddaughter and offspring of the Ponzi schemer. Here, she shares style advice, reminisces about Ygritte’s costumes and tells us about Maia’s ‘pretty good fight of her own’. Everyone seems to have gone wild for The Good Fight. Do you think that’s down in part to how very current it feels, exploring subjects like fake news and even opening the pilot with Diane Lockhart watching the Trump inauguration? Rose Leslie: ‘Yes, and I’m certainly incredibly proud of the fact that [showrunners] Robert and Michelle King decided to be bold enough to take on the administration in terms of highlighting what they feel needs to be brought to people’s attention. In the pilot, I think that with nothing being said, you can project whatever your own feelings are to Donald Trump being sworn in. Diane Lockhart’s face is so beautifully blank – you were able to project whatever your own thoughts were onto her face and be like, “Oh my god, this must be what Diane is feeling.” I thought that was very clever.’

The series is set around a law firm and your character Maia has just passed the Bar – did you have to do your legal homework before filming? ‘I kind of took artistic license with Maia being relatively new and green when it came to the world of court. I realised that I could lean a little bit on her in this being her first time as well as my own, so it was okay that I was a bit jittery and nervous about taking somebody down in the witness stand. And I did learn the meaning of some words, words I had an idea of – litigation, arbitration and affidavit, but I had to really cement their meaning into my head for when I was speaking them, because to not know what the hell you’re talking about would be shambolic on my behalf.’ You were working with the glorious Christine Baranski and Bernadette Peters – amazing role models for an actress. Did they live up to expectations? ‘They both have the most incredible spirit of generosity [and] hold themselves with such grace. They are so friendly, so welcoming and professional, to the point where they nail it in a couple of takes. You end up being like, “Holy shit, I need to up my game because I’m opposite Bernadette Peters.” And she was such a darling of a lady, and I feel very much the same with Christine, who from the off was incredibly warm towards me. I realised that this was something new that we were embarking on together, it’s an ensemble piece and she wanted me to feel very welcome on this set she knows very well.’ You seem to play very strong characters. Maia is a fighter, Ygritte was a warrior of a woman, even Gwen in Downton Abbey refused to settle for the status quo… ‘I would say certainly the characters that appeal to me most are the women who are thrown out of their comfort zone. Seeing them grapple with their new situation – realising they have backbone and being able to fight against the tide – you could term that as strong. Maia finds herself in this extraordinary, atrocious scenario of no longer trusting her father, with whom she’s had an incredibly close relationship with, realises that he has scammed hundreds of millions out of innocent people, ruining their lives and also jeopardising her career, which she has fought very hard for. I rated her for being someone who wasn’t self-involved with her own desires, and decided to take the approach of showing that she is as good as her peers, despite having an incredible advantage in life with her parents being billionaires.’ The Good Wife was renowned for its style, does The Good Fight follow suit? ‘I would be doing Dan Lawson an incredible disservice if I didn’t praise the ground he works on – he was the costume designer on The Good Wife and he is also with us, so tonally, expressively you’re getting a similar vibe. I feel like it’s fashion-forward in showing the power that one can convey with and through fashion, in complementing what one feels in the scene with what you’re going to wear, and as a result showing the viewer how the character feels in that particular episode – let’s say there aren’t any bold colours or patterns, because actually Maia’s feeling very dour and her low self-esteem is coming through in the clothes and the drab colours that she’s gone for. Dan is a master at pulling that off.’ Of all your roles, whose costumes do you like best? ‘I’m not good in heels! So I would have to say give me the flat boots in [Ygritte’s] battlegear. I loved wearing armour and having a bow and arrow, and just being a bit dirty and grubby. But my god I’ve been given some beautiful pieces in The Good Fight: I had the most beautiful Alexander McQueen two-piece and a Helmut Lang overcoat – the woman [Maia] has the most incredible wardrobe! So I’ve had a lot of fun in being able to wear something I would never have the chance to in real life, because as an actor you’re not really gonna be wearing office attire day-to-day.’ Which character has a style closest to your own? ‘‘If you had asked me when I was 22, I would most certainly have said Ygritte, whereby she was more of a tomboy-esque person. But I’d like to think I’m slowly ebbing towards Maia, and the maturity that she has, now I’m a 30-year-old woman…’ You looked amazing in Christian Dior at the Olivier Awards – do you enjoy getting dressed up for the red carpet or is it a chore? ‘It’s fun, it’s so fun! To be fair you’d be hard-pushed to look someone in the eye and say you don’t enjoy someone faffing around you for 2 hours and making you feel lovely. And I really enjoy getting ready because it’s a team effort – it takes a whole village!’ And finally, which of today’s looks would you most like to take home? ‘I had the most beautiful striped Loewe dress on, with the collar off-kilter and a wraparound on the waist and billowed shoulders. I do think it’s a little more interesting when things are offbeat; I’m drawn to that in what I wear, and also it applies to different aspects of my life. You’re not following the obvious form – I rather enjoy that.’

[roselesliedaily]

Make The Cut

Actress Rose Leslie on life after Game of Thrones and her latest role

You could forgive Rose Leslie for finding it rather trying to have the same 5 words incessantly yelled at her in the street – even if those 5 words are ‘You know nothing, Jon Snow’ and came as a result of her stellar 3-year stint on Game of Thrones. But it turns out that Rose is so very nice as to insist she actually likes it. ‘It’s a lovely thing to be on the receiving end of,’ she says. ‘I feel so lucky, a, to have [a catchphrase] and, b, to be a part of a show that is universally adored.’

Words by Hollie Moat, Photography by Tom Craig, Styling by Poppy Kain

It’s a sunny spring day, but the east London warehouse we’re shooting in is so inexplicably cold that even a person who grew up in a Scottish castle (that would be Rose) is gripped by the chill. Still, she poses gamely around the freezing space to show off SS17’s key deconstructed pieces to their best advantage. From the big fashion hitters to the titans of television, Rose’s ascent to stardom has come via some of the modern era’s most celebrated shows: her breakout role Gwen in the first season of Downton Abbey, then Thrones’ Ygritte, Wildling warrior and doomed love of Jon Snow. Now her flawless record continues with The Good Fight, the much-anticipated The Good Wife spin-off and a newly minted hit. The series follows Christine Baranski’s Diane Lockhart as she moves to a new law firm after her plans to retire fall through (she loses all her money in a Ponzi scheme run by a close friend); Rose plays Maia, Diane’s beloved goddaughter and offspring of the Ponzi schemer. Here, she shares style advice, reminisces about Ygritte’s costumes and tells us about Maia’s ‘pretty good fight of her own’.

Everyone seems to have gone wild for The Good Fight. Do you think that’s down in part to how very current it feels, exploring subjects like fake news and even opening the pilot with Diane Lockhart watching the Trump inauguration?

Rose Leslie: ‘Yes, and I’m certainly incredibly proud of the fact that [showrunners] Robert and Michelle King decided to be bold enough to take on the administration in terms of highlighting what they feel needs to be brought to people’s attention. In the pilot, I think that with nothing being said, you can project whatever your own feelings are to Donald Trump being sworn in. Diane Lockhart’s face is so beautifully blank – you were able to project whatever your own thoughts were onto her face and be like, “Oh my god, this must be what Diane is feeling.” I thought that was very clever.’

The series is set around a law firm and your character Maia has just passed the Bar – did you have to do your legal homework before filming?

‘I kind of took artistic license with Maia being relatively new and green when it came to the world of court. I realised that I could lean a little bit on her in this being her first time as well as my own, so it was okay that I was a bit jittery and nervous about taking somebody down in the witness stand. And I did learn the meaning of some words, words I had an idea of – litigation, arbitration and affidavit, but I had to really cement their meaning into my head for when I was speaking them, because to not know what the hell you’re talking about would be shambolic on my behalf.’

‘The characters that appeal to me most are the women who are thrown out of their comfort zone. Seeing them grapple with their new situation – realising they have backbone to fight against the tide.’ 

You were working with the glorious Christine Baranski and Bernadette Peters – amazing role models for an actress. Did they live up to expectations?

‘They both have the most incredible spirit of generosity [and] hold themselves with such grace. They are so friendly, so welcoming and professional, to the point where they nail it in a couple of takes. You end up being like, “Holy shit, I need to up my game because I’m opposite Bernadette Peters.” And she was such a darling of a lady, and I feel very much the same with Christine, who from the off was incredibly warm towards me. I realised that this was something new that we were embarking on together, it’s an ensemble piece and she wanted me to feel very welcome on this set she knows very well.’

You seem to play very strong characters. Maia is a fighter, Ygritte was a warrior of a woman, even Gwen in Downton Abbey refused to settle for the status quo…

‘I would say certainly the characters that appeal to me most are the women who are thrown out of their comfort zone. Seeing them grapple with their new situation – realising they have backbone and being able to fight against the tide – you could term that as strong. Maia finds herself in this extraordinary, atrocious scenario of no longer trusting her father, with whom she’s had an incredibly close relationship with, realises that he has scammed hundreds of millions out of innocent people, ruining their lives and also jeopardising her career, which she has fought very hard for. I rated her for being someone who wasn’t self-involved with her own desires, and decided to take the approach of showing that she is as good as her peers, despite having an incredible advantage in life with her parents being billionaires.’

The Good Wife was renowned for its style, does The Good Fight follow suit?

‘I would be doing Dan Lawson an incredible disservice if I didn’t praise the ground he works on – he was the costume designer on The Good Wife and he is also with us, so tonally, expressively you’re getting a similar vibe. I feel like it’s fashion-forward in showing the power that one can convey with and through fashion, in complementing what one feels in the scene with what you’re going to wear, and as a result showing the viewer how the character feels in that particular episode – let’s say there aren’t any bold colours or patterns, because actually Maia’s feeling very dour and her low self-esteem is coming through in the clothes and the drab colours that she’s gone for. Dan is a master at pulling that off.’

Of all your roles, whose costumes do you like best?

‘I’m not good in heels! So I would have to say give me the flat boots in [Ygritte’s] battlegear. I loved wearing armour and having a bow and arrow, and just being a bit dirty and grubby. But my god I’ve been given some beautiful pieces in The Good Fight: I had the most beautiful Alexander McQueen two-piece and a Helmut Lang overcoat – the woman [Maia] has the most incredible wardrobe! So I’ve had a lot of fun in being able to wear something I would never have the chance to in real life, because as an actor you’re not really gonna be wearing office attire day-to-day.’

Which character has a style closest to your own?

‘‘If you had asked me when I was 22, I would most certainly have said Ygritte, whereby she was more of a tomboy-esque person. But I’d like to think I’m slowly ebbing towards Maia, and the maturity that she has, now I’m a 30-year-old woman…’

You looked amazing in Christian Dior at the Olivier Awards – do you enjoy getting dressed up for the red carpet or is it a chore?

‘It’s fun, it’s so fun! To be fair you’d be hard-pushed to look someone in the eye and say you don’t enjoy someone faffing around you for 2 hours and making you feel lovely. And I really enjoy getting ready because it’s a team effort – it takes a whole village!’

And finally, which of today’s looks would you most like to take home?

‘I had the most beautiful striped Loewe dress on, with the collar off-kilter and a wraparound on the waist and billowed shoulders. I do think it’s a little more interesting when things are offbeat; I’m drawn to that in what I wear, and also it applies to different aspects of my life. You’re not following the obvious form – I rather enjoy that.’

[newyorktheater]

James Corden at National Live at Home

Oscar winner Parasite debuts on Hulu

She Loves Me on PBS

Jodie Foster and Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, on Netflix

Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman in Les Miserables, on Amazon Prime

There are no “openings” on stage likely this month, but there is much to see online for theater lovers and screen enthusiasts alike.  Below is more than just the usual streaming services Amazon Prime, HBO, Hulu, and Netflix, though they’re all there.  There’s also the newly created National Theatre at Home, which is streaming recordings of stage shows FOR FREE this month, from “One Man, Two Guv’nors to “Twelfth Night.”

Lovers of live theater should also check out Where To Get Your Theater Fix Online: Old Favorites and New Experiments  — everything from BroadwayHD to the new downtown platform TrickleUp to 24 Hour Plays’ Viral Monologues. (Many of the exciting new theater-livestreaming sites haven’t yet planned a month ahead) 

\

NBC has announced a rebroadcast of its Emmy-winning Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert for Easter Sunday, April 12.

National Theatre at Home

Each filmed production will be streamed for free on National Theatre’s YouTube channel for a week, starting on the date listed

April 2: One Man, Two Guv’nors The slapstick comedy starring James Corden

April 9: Jane Eyre Sally Cookson’s adaptation of the Charlotte Brontë classic

April 16: Treasure Island Bryony Lavery’s adaptation of the Robert Louis Stevenson novel, which premiered at the National in 2014

April 23: Twelfth Night The 2017 production of Shakespeare’s comedy, directed by Simon Godwin

PBS

Great Performances on All Arts

April 11 10 a.m..: She Loves Me

April 11 1 p.m. : An American in Paris The Musical

April 11 4 p.m.: Noel Coward’s Present Laughter

April 11 7 p.m.: Irving Berlin’s Holiday Inn The Broadway Musical

April 11 10 pm.: Kinky Boots

April 19 5 p.m.: Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The King and I

Playing on Air

The new season of this podcast’s short original radio plays

April 5: The Clam, by Amanda Quaid After a lifetime of playing it safe , a wistful clam (Tony Shalhoub) decides to come out of his shell, with the help of a therapist (Kristine Nielsen) April 12: Night Vision by Dominique Morisseau One night in Brooklyn, pregnant Ayanna (April Mathis) and her husband Ezra (Eden Marryshow) witness a sudden, violent attack. April 19: Wild and Precious Life by Patricia Cotter Friends and flames gather to celebrate and remember the life of charismatic, outrageous Sheila (Debra Monk) — but the dearly departed still has one more trick up her sleeve. April 26: Fake News by Doug Wright Anchors Bob Tunley and Fran Mercer are the iconic voices behind KLWP News Hour — but today, they’ve become the story. As bizarre and menacing soundbites interrupt their live radio broadcast, the studio crew begins to fear that they’re under attack. Starring Eisa Davis, Jeremy Shamos, Steven Boyer and Kate Finneran.

  Hulu

Hulu highlights: 2020 Best Picture Oscar winner Parasite comes exclusively to Hulu on April 8. The Hulu/FX collaboration Mrs. America, which stars Cate Blanchett as Phyllis Schlafly, premieres April 15. A screen adaptation of Sally Rooney’s popular book, Normal People, will be available to stream on April 29.

April 1

60 Days In: Narcoland, Season 1

90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After?, Season 4

Alone, Season 6

The Ant Bully

Bangkok Dangerous

Breaking Amish, Seasons 2 and 3

Bend It Like Beckham

Blazing Saddles

The Book Of Eli

The Boost

Bring It!, Season 5

Chopped, Season 36

The Chumscrubber

Cutthroat Kitchen, Season 12

Dance Moms, Seasons 2 and 6

Diary of a Hitman

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, Seasons 27 through 29

Dr. Pimple Popper, Season 3

Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who

Dr. T. and the Women

The Eternal

The Family Chantel, Season 1

Free Birds

The Food That Built America, Season 1

The Full Monty

Fast N’ Loud, Season 13

Fixer Upper (How We Got to Here: Looking Back on Fixer Upper), Special on HGTV

Forged in Fire, Season 6

Fun in Acapulco

Gator

Get Smart

Gods and Monsters

Gold Medal Families, Season 1

Gorky Park

Hidden Potential, Season 1

House Hunters, Season 120

Hud

The Jewel of the Nile

Kabukicho Sherlock, Season 1

Kids Behind Bars: Life or Parole, Season 1

The Kitchen, Seasons 16 through 18

Kill Bill: Volume 1

Kill Bill: Volume 2

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

Let Me In

Little Women: Atlanta, Season 5

Little Women: LA, Seasons 7 and 8

Love It or List It, Season 14

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa

Married at First Sight, Season 9

Marrying Millions, Season 1

The Mexican

Misery

Moll Flanders

Phone Booth

Property Brothers, Seasons 10 and 11

Repentance

Risky Business

Romancing the Stone

The Sender

Shirley Valentine

Spider-Man

Taken at Birth, Season 1

Til Death Do Us Part, Season 1

TRANsitioning, Season 1

Trapped: The Alex Cooper Story

Victoria Gotti: My Father’s Daughter

Who Let The Dogs Out

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

Zombieland

April 3

Future Man, Season 3

Into the Dark: Pooka Lives

Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, Season 4

Siren, Season 3 premiere on Freeform

April 6

Too Cautious Hero, Season 1

April 7

No Guns Life

April 8

Parasite

April 9

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, Series premiere on ABC

Kono Oto Tomare!: Sounds of Life, Season 2A

Little Joe

April 10

Real Housewives of Potomac, Season 4

April 12

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Season 9B

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic en Español, Season 9B

April 14

The Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart, Series premiere on ABC

The Baker and the Beauty, Series premiere on ABC

Songland, Season 2 premiere on NBC

Vault

Unlocked

April 15

Mrs. America

The Masked Singer: Sing-Along Spectacular, Special on Fox

A Teacher

The Messenger

April 16

What We Do In The Shadows, Season 2 premiere on FX

Harry Benson: Shoot First

April 20

Paranormal Activity 3

A Kind Of Murder

April 22

Special-7, Season 1

April 23

Cunningham

April 24

Abominable

April 29

Footloose

April 30

2020 Billboard Music Awards, Special on NBC

Netflix

Netflix highlights: All six seasons of the TV series Community, the films The Social Season and Martin Scorcese’s Taxi Driver on April 1. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly on April 2. Despicable Me on April 16.

Also check out the ongoing video-captured Broadway shows, such as John Leguizamo’s Latin History for Morons

April 1

40 Days and 40 Nights

Bloodsport

Cadillac Records

Can’t Hardly Wait

Cheech & Chong’s Up in Smoke

Community: Season 1-6

David Batra: Elefanten I Rummet

The Death of Stalin

Deep Impact

The Girl With All the Gifts

God’s Not Dead

The Hangover

How to Fix a Drug Scandal

The Iliza Shlesinger Sketch Show

Just Friends

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

Kim’s Convenience: Season 4

Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon 2

Lethal Weapon 3

Lethal Weapon 4

The Matrix

The Matrix Reloaded

The Matrix Revolutions

Minority Report

Molly’s Game

Mortal Kombat

Mud

Nailed It!: Season 4

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Pokémon the Series: Sun & Moon: S3: Sun & Moon – Ultra Legends

Promised Land

Road to Perdition

The Roommate

The Runaways

Salt

School Daze

Sherlock Holmes

The Social Network

Soul Plane

Sunderland ‘Til I Die: Season 2

Sunrise in Heaven

Taxi Driver

Wildling

April 2

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll

April 3

Coffee & Kareem

La casa de papel: Part 4

Money Heist: The Phenomenon

Spirit Riding Free: Riding Academy

StarBeam

April 4

Angel Has Fallen

April 5

The Killing of a Sacred Deer

April 6

The Big Show Show

April 7

Terrace House: Tokyo 2019-2020: Part 3

April 9

Hi Score Girl: Season 2

April 10

Brews Brothers

LA Originals

La vie scolaire

Love Wedding Repeat

The Main Event

Tigertail

April 11

Code 8

April 14

Chris D’Elia: No Pain

April 15

The Innocence Files

Outer Banks

April 16

Despicable Me

Fary: Hexagone: Season 2

Fauda: Season 3

Hail, Caesar!

Mauricio Meirelles: Levando o Caos

Jem and the Holograms

April 17

Betonrausch

#blackAF

Earth and Blood (La terre et le sang)

The Last Kids on Earth: Book 2

Legado en los huesos

Sergio

Too Hot to Handle

April 18

The Green Hornet

April 20

Cooked With Cannabis

The Midnight Gospel

The Vatican Tapes

April 21

Bleach: The Assault

Bleach: The Bount

Middleditch & Schwartz

April 22

Absurd Planet

Circus of Books

El silencio del pantano

The Plagues of Breslau

The Willoughbys

Win the Wilderness

April 23

The House of Flowers: Season 3

April 24

After Life: Season 2

Extraction

Hello Ninja: Season 2

Yours Sincerely, Kanan Gill

April 25

The Artist

Django Unchained

April 26

The Last Kingdom: Season 4

April 27

Battle: Los Angeles

Never Have I Ever

April 29

A Secret Love

Extracurricular

Murder to Mercy: The Cyntoia Brown Story

Nadiya’s Time to Eat

Summertime

April 30

Dangerous Lies

Drifting Dragons

The Forest of Love: Deep Cut

Rich in Love (Rico de Amor)

The Victims’ Game

Amazon Prime

Amazon Prime highlights: Most James Bond movies are on offer starting April 1.  The Bodyguard with Whitney Houston on April 1. The movie of the musical Les Miserables on April 10. The Joker, with Oscar winning actor Joaquin Phoenix, April 16. The musical drama film Footloose, April 29.

Check out also the musicals and other Broadway shows, some of them taped directly from the stage, that you can rent from Amazon Prime.

April 1

Bangkok Dangerous

Bird of Paradise

Blind Husbands

Broken Blossoms

The Bodyguard

The Boost

The Brothers Grimm

The Chumscrubber

Daniel Boone

Diamonds Are Forever

Diary of a Hitman

Die Another Day

Dishonored Lady

Dollface

Dr. No

Dr. T & the Women

Drums in the Deep South

For Your Eyes Only

From Russia With Love

Gator

Gods and Monsters

Goldeneye

Goldfinger

Gorky Park

The Hoodlum

Hotel Artemis

I Am Legend

Licence to Kill (4K UHD)

Live and Let Die (4K UHD)

The Living Daylights

The Lost World

The Man With the Golden Gun

Mark of Zorro

Moonraker (4K UHD)

Mutiny

Never Say Never Again

The New Adventures of Tarzan

Octopussy

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

Repentance

The Sender

Shirley Valentine

Son of Monte Cristo

The Spy Who Loved Me

Tarzan the Fearless

Thunderball

Tomorrow Never Dies

A View to a Kill

The World Is Not Enough

You Only Live Twice

The Bureau: Season 1

America in Color: Season 1

Bronx SIU: Season 1

Dirt Every Day: Season 1

El Rey del Valle: Season 1

Foyle’s War: Season 1

The Mind of a Chef: Season 1

Molly of Denali: Season 1

Mr. Selfridge: Season 1

Our Wedding Story: Season 1

Vida: Season 1

April 3

Invisible Life

Tales From the Loop

April 10

Les Misérables

Rambo: Last Blood

April 14

Vault

April 16

The Lighthouse

Joker

April 17

Bosch: Season 6

Dino Dana: Season 3B

Selah and the Spades

April 20

Paranormal Activity 3

April 29

Footloose

HBO

HBO highlights: “The Plot Against America” and “High Maintenance” end their runs, and “Run” begins its run on April 12; the new series stars Domhnall Gleeson and Merritt Wever as people who flee into thrilling and comedic adventures, setting off from The Grand Central Terminal (where you could congregate without repercussions in a previous era.) Also worth watching: the fourth season of Insecure and one of my favorite movies, “The Kids Are All Right.” Theater fans might also be interested in “Glee: The 3D Concert Movie” and “Xanadu.”

April 1

Alpha and Omega, 2010 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, 2011 American Pie, 1999 American Pie 2, 2001 American Wedding, 2003 Becoming Jane, 2007 Clockstoppers, 2002 Daylight, 1996 Die Hard, 1988 Die Hard 2, 1990 Die Hard with a Vengeance, 1995 Dragged Across Concrete, 2018 Drop Dead Fred, 1991 The Family Stone, 2005 The Flintstones, 1994 The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, 2000 Galveston, 2018 Glee: The 3D Concert Movie (Extended Version), 2011 The Great Gilly Hopkins, 2015 The Judge, 2014 The Kids Are All Right, 2010 The Lovely Bones, 2009 Loving, 2016 Monte Carlo, 2011 The Nice Guys, 2016 The Predator, 2018 Slumdog Millionaire, 2008 Something Wild, 1986 Sophie’s Choice, 1982 Team America: World Police, 2004 Ulee’s Gold, 1997 War Dogs, 2016 Water for Elephants, 2011 Xanadu, 1980

April 4

Good Boys, 2019

April 5

Atlanta’s Missing and Murdered: The Lost Children, Docuseries Premiere — HBO Original

April 11

It: Chapter 2, 2019

April 12

Run, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 18

Stuber, 2019

April 19

Entre Hombre, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 20

Shadows, Season 3 — HBO Original

April 23

We’re Here, Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 25

Bad Education — HBO Original

April 27

I Know This Much Is True, Limited Series Premiere — HBO Original

April 28

Autism: The Sequel — HBO Original

    April 2020 Calendar of “Openings”: What’s Streaming on Netflix, National Theatre, Hulu, PBS Great Performances, Amazon Prime, HBO Etc There are no "openings" on stage likely this month, but there is much to see online for theater lovers and screen enthusiasts alike.  

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

Now the helm being reminiscent of the crown of winter got me thinking of the horn of winter… 👀

Lady Melisandre watched him rise. “FREE FOLK! Here stands your king of lies. And here is the horn he promised would bring down the Wall.” Two queen’s men brought forth the Horn of Joramun, black and banded with old gold, eight feet long from end to end. Runes were carved into the golden bands, the writing of the First Men. Joramun had died thousands of years ago, but Mance had found his grave beneath a glacier, high up in the Frostfangs. And Joramun blew the Horn of Winter, and woke giants from the earth. Ygritte had told Jon that Mance never found the horn. She lied, or else Mance kept it secret even from his own.”

Mance never found it, but someone else might have….Jon!

Beneath the dragonglass was an old warhorn, made from an auroch’s horn and banded in bronze. Jon shook the dirt from inside it, and a stream of arrowheads fell out. 

There’s interesting symbolism at play here. Per Catelyn, gold is no color for winter. But bronze is. Thus, Mance has a fake. Yet Jon may have the real deal!

Mance’s cloak is only an imitation of the dragon prince; he’s not actually Rhaegar. Mance’s helm is no crown either. While the wildling king may appear to possess the outward signs of destiny - the helm, the cloak, and the horn - Jon is the one truly poised to fulfill the role that the he could only mimic.

And this poses interesting questions that I had not considered in my previous post. If Mance is a mimic….does Jon really need his helm? Or does he need an actual crown of winter, one he can get as Robb Stark’s chosen heir? However, a bronze helm is reminiscent of a warrior against winter, and that’s something Robb never was. So maybe it’s a bit of Jon attaining both, as warrior and king.

But it’s interesting if we look at all this as pointing to Mance being a precursor to Jon. Mance is merely a stand in, but Jon is the real deal. He inherits the legacy of the Long Night that Mance couldn’t. Jon unites the legacy of the Stark kings and the legacy of Joramun, king of the wildlings; two opposing forces. It’s all about duality. You know, prince whose song is of ice and fire….

Mance’s cloak this, Mance’s cloak that…WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE HELM??!!

A few tents were still standing on the far side of the camp, and it was there they found Mance Rayder. Beneath his slashed cloak of black wool and red silk he wore black ringmail and shaggy fur breeches, and on his head was a great bronze-and-iron helm with raven wings at either temple. Jarl was with him, and Harma the Dogshead; Styr as well, and Varamyr Sixskins with his wolves and his shadowcat.

The black and red is obviously a nod to Jon’s Targ parentage but the helm….ohhhhh

Robb’s crown looked much as the other was said to have looked in the tales told of the Stark kings of old; an open circlet of hammered bronze incised with the runes of the First Men, surmounted by nine black iron spikes wrought in the shape of longswords. Of gold and silver and gemstones, it had none; bronze and iron were the metals of winter, dark and strong to fight against the cold.

Winter has no king, as some wildlings would say. But there is a warrior suited to war against it. Isn’t that what Mance is? A black and red cloak reminiscent of the Targaryens of old Valyria - the ones who commanded beasts of flame. Dragonkings. And the helm is reminiscent of a crown worn by those who once ruled “Winter-fell”. And the ravens?? Birds of prophecy, foresight, destiny…..

Jon’s gotta get his hands on that stupid thing….

[shg11]

Hmm…so here we are. The famed penultimate episode of this season. For those of you who haven’t been paying attention, the second-to-last episode of every season is always the episode where shit goes down. Past seasons have given us The Rains of Castamere (aka The Red Wedding), The Battle of The Bastards, and The Watchers On The Wall. This season we got…Ocean’s 11: White Walkers?

Full disclosure: I did not like this episode, so let’s get into the roasting, shall we?

Beyond The Wall

The episode begins and I’d almost already forgotten that the plot of tonight’s episode is going to be, “try to kidnap a zombie and bring it back to Westeros.” Fuck. That is such a terrible idea.

This is a show in which a pair of twins have children together, and I think this might be the worst idea I’ve ever heard.

Everyone is trying to make Gendry be chill about the fact that his comrades sold him to Melisandre and she put leeches on his penis. Don’t give in, Gendry. You are hot have a right to your feelings.

Real question: Has anyone ever travelled further or endured more to be in the friend zone than Jorah Mormont? Dude was sold into slavery, got his skin scraped off, and now he’s beyond the world on Operation Zombie Kidnap, all so Dany might give him a hug later. So sad.

Mormont and Jon Snow get into an honor-off over which one of them gets to keep the fancy sword. The whole thing is very phallic.

Jon: I’m so honorable, I’m giving you the sword. Jorah: I’m so honorable, I’m giving you the sword back. Me:

Winterfell

It’s Sansa Vs. Arya: Who Will Bitch Slap Who?

Arya: Remember our dad? He used to stand here. Sansa: Uh…yeah I was there.

Arya is all pissed off about a letter none of us remember from like 15 seasons ago.

Sansa: You’re being really petty right now. Me: True. Arya: You used to be really fucking stupid. Me: Also true.

Arya tries to hit Sansa with an “I was training to be a faceless man,” while Sansa responds with an “I low-key saved this entire family.”

Ugh. Littlefinger is such a tricky bitch for pitting the girls against each other this way. Don’t they realize they should be using their Lady Stark powers to save the North??

Beyond The Wall

We cut back to the wall and everyone is literally just still walking. The Hound teaches Big Red (or whatever tf this character’s name is) the word “dick,” and Big Red won’t shut tf up about Brienne, who isn’t interested.

This scene serves literally no purpose, and was a waste of all of our times.

Dragonstone

We open on Dany giving Tyrion a backhanded compliment.

The conversation quickly shifts to Jon Snow, and Dany and Tyrion start acting like a couple of middle school girls who are trying to figure out if they both have a crush on the same guy.

Tyrion: He likes you! Dany: No he doesn’t! Tyrion: You like him! Dany: He’s too short! Tyrion: omg!

Tyrion tries to casually bring up the fact that Dany has a bad temper, Dany counters that by getting insanely pissed and storming out of the castle.

Tyrion: Hey since you’re like barren or whatever maybe we should figure out who inherits the throne when you die? Dany: RUDE

Beyond The Wall

Ugh. The five most boring characters and Jon Snow are still walking. Walking walking walking — OH FUCK IS THAT A POLAR BEAR?

YOOOOO IS THAT A ZOMBIE POLAR BEAR?

Welp, our fateful band of semi-virgins set out to find a zombie, and now they fucking found one. Good for you, Jon Snow. You’ve fought the wildlings, the Boltons, a wight, a White Walker, and now a zombie bear. Good for fucking you.

The zombie bears are going ham killing everyone except the characters we actually care about. One of them chomps on Thoros for a good 30 seconds and yet he somehow survives.

Beric uses his flaming sword, which just turns the murderous zombie bears into murderous zombie bears that are on fire. Good job, Beric.

For real though, shouldn’t the fire stop the zombie bears? Do the zombie bears follow different rules than zombie people in the universe? What the fuck is happening?

Winterfell

Littlefinger tries to drag Brienne into his Arya-on-Sansa fantasy, and guess what, it works.

Brienne: Cersei wants you to come to Kings Landing. Sansa: Lol nah you can go instead.

Sansa uses this opportunity to rummage through Arya’s shit looking for….weapons? Money? IDK.

BET YA DIDN’T EXPECT TO FIND A BAG FULL OF FACES, YA BISH.

Okay, but seriously, Arya just like…keeps the faces in her bag? That’s how the faces work? You just like, toss them in your bag along with a couple tampons and a bobby pin and shit?

Arya At Brunch: Ugh sorry about my bag, I just have like, my whole makeup bag, my lunch, a hair straightener, and like 15 faces in here. Can’t leave the house without them!

Of course Arya walks in right as Sansa finds the bag full of faces. Doesn’t Sansa get that she’s like, a ninja or some shit now?

Arya: Why don’t I give another long speech about feminism? Sansa: Umm no bitch you can’t change the subject I need to know wtf is up with these faces.

Arya: Arya: Me: So did y’all two just make up or…?

Beyond The Wall

Operation Zombie Kidnap is in full effect. Luckily for all the main characters, none of them died in the dead-flaming-polar-bear attack and now they’re all 100% fit to take on the band of White Walkers they’ve just stumbled upon.

Jon: Me: This feels like important information.

Things are actually going pretty well for a group of five humans who travelled thousands of miles to try and kill a mythical undead corpse-person, but then they finally get to the “kidnap a zombie” part of their plan and shit starts to fall apart.

We now move into Plan B of Operation Zombie Kidnap, which apparently is just “Gendry runs as fast as he can back to the wall.”

These guys really didn’t think this through, did they?

Even still, they’re all doing a pretty good job considering there appear to be over a thousand wights and White Walkers and just like, five or six of them.

They’re able to fight their way onto a very conveniently located rock and now the plan is to just…wait? Luckily in all the hubbub they were able to still keep an eye on the wight they tied up. I guess these guys are still really committed to bringing one of these things back home with them.

CUT TO: Gendry Forrest-Gumping it across the North. Remember when it took like, multiple seasons to get to get places? Well now Gendry can just run the entire distance of the North during the commercial breaks, and ravens send as fast as texts.

(I know doesn’t have commercial breaks don't @ me.)

Gendry collapses just before the end of his marathon. The fact that “Gendry running as fast as he can back to The Wall” is the only part of this plan that worked out is so, so baffling to me.

Back at the conveniently located rock, Jon and co are not doing so hot. Thoros died, which makes sense because he was attacked by a zombie polar bear that was on fire.

Beric does his flaming sword trick for the 15th time and honestly, I’m no longer impressed. Get a new trick, dude.

In the distance we see The Night King, aka Demon Elsa, and somebody (I can’t remember who, this episode was really stupid) has the brilliant realization that if you kill him, you probably kill all The White Walkers at once.

Jon: Challenge accepted.

Dragonstone & Beyond The Wall

Cut to Dany serving us full “Winter Is Here," ready to fuck some shit up. She’s going to get on her dragon and fly north to set shit on fire, aka the very obvious thing that she should have done from the beginning.

Dany: I’m flying North. Me: When tf did you have time to get a winter coat made?

Back beyond the wall, The Hound just fucked everyone over by throwing snowballs at the wights. Men are so fucking stupid.

We’re now in for one of ’ famously boring riveting fight scenes.

Jon: Fall back!!! Fall back! Everyone: Lol where?

The entire crew is surrounded. They all grab hands and accept death like at the end of , then…

DRAGOOONNSSSS

Dany shows up on her dragons and does what we all have wanted her to do from day one: starts burning zombies.

Dany: Get on the dragon loser, we’re going back to Westeros. Jon: Just lemme kill a few more zombies real quick.

Everybody is so busy paying attention to wtf Jon is up to, that nobody realizes Undead Elsa is about to kill one of the fucking dragons with his ice spear.

Word to the wise: if the fucking Ice King is anywhere near your shit, have one person in your crew assigned to watching the Ice King at all times. Ya gotta keep an eye on the Ice King.

Live footage of the Ice King approaching to kill everyone:

Dany is now force to haul ass out of the North with one less dragon, while Jon Snow gets pulled into yet another fake-out death.

Jon Snow: Me: Lol yea right dude you can’t die. Uncle Benjen is probably going to show up to save you or some dumb shit like that.

Uncle Benjen: Me: Of. Fucking. Course.

The Wall

Dany is sad because her new boyfriend who she doesn’t realize is actually probably her nephew is either dead or a zombie right now, and her dragon baby is also dead.

Luckily for her, it’s apparently very easy to just ride away from an entire army of White Walkers, and Jon is actually like, fine.

Me, every second of this episode so far:

CUT TO: Jon awaking with Dany standing over his bedside.

Dany sees Jon’s stab wounds for the first time and is like, “I KNEW I smelled a red flag.”

Even still, Jon looks so good whenever he wakes up from a near death experience. We, the audience, know this, but Danearys Targaryen has yet to experience it.

Dany: I can’t have kids. Jon: Okay… Dany: But we can like, do other stuff…

We find out that Jon is down to bend the knee to Danearys, but more importantly it’s pretty clear that Danearys is down to bend da knees to Jon, if ya know what I mean (blow jobs).

Beyond The Wall

Lest you forget, the idiots who decided that kidnapping an undead demon was a good idea, also let one of their dragons be killed, and left that dragon’s body in the hands of the White Walkers.

If you didn’t see this coming, you literally have not been paying attention.

That’s right: We’ve got a White Walker dragon now. What does that mean, exactly? IDK, but it can’t be fucking good.

Read more: http://www.betches.com/game-of-thrones-season-7-episode-6-recap