#tumblr stuff getting to important places is always funny

[longing-for-rain]

I think you're wrong saying that zutara is a ship exclusively by women for women while kataang is only liked by sexist men. There's a lot of support for zutara on site like 4chan of all places. If anything, men prefer to self insert as the "giga Chad" zuko than the "beta male" aang

Meanwhile the vast majority of kataang fanart I've seen where drawn by women, just like zutara.

I never said that it’s exclusively shipped by women, just that women tend to prefer it.

And you’re right, but you’re biased based on where you’re looking. Male dominated sites like 4chan are exactly that…male dominated. Any fandom stuff you find there is almost certain to be created by men. You’ll also find that the way men interact with fandom is either very canon centric or fetishistic. I’ve actually run into some of those “giga Chad Zuko” types and the funny thing about them is, some of them hadn’t even watched the show. It was based on appearances only, and yeah, knowing nothing about the characters, men will often choose to self insert as the manly hot one for their nasty rule34 fantasies. You’ll also just as commonly see kataang (I’ve seen some absolutely disgusting kataang shit), as well as Zuko shipped with every other female character (including his mother and sister) in those types of environments because it’s purely appearance based. It’s just a bunch of creepy men drawing their self insert with their crush.

On the flip side, (non-pornographic) fan art is almost always drawn by women, especially if you’re on a site like tumblr or twitter. That’s true for any ship.

What I have noticed, however, is that on forums like Reddit that are also very male centered, kataang is always most popular. And it’s very easy to see why—Aang as a character was literally designed for young boys to project onto. He represents a character the target demographic of the show in 2005 (young boys) are supposed to relate to. This also results in the (male) writers giving him “relatable” struggles such as not being liked back by a crush. Her feelings aren’t centered because they are not relatable nor important to this target demographic. Then, these men who saw the show as boys grow up and retain that relatability aspect, and feel somehow emasculated by the idea of “the girl” choosing a different man. This is why kataang has historically been criticized as a male centered ship, because the whole dynamic and narrative surrounding it is based around this male fantasy of bothering your crush and being such a NiceGuy that she *has* to like you back eventually. Like I said, it was literally written that way, to be relatable to middle school aged boys.

Female kataang shippers are a whole other can of worms, but let’s just say they’re basically the BoyMoms of fandom. My precious baby can do no wrong, he’s a literal angel, nothing is ever his fault, telling him no is bullying, girls who get upset with him are just lying b*tches trying to destroy his life, etc. etc.

[grison-in-space]

I'm honestly very confused why people on Tumblr seem to think that abstaining from voting and allowing Trump to win is better for some instead of worse for everyone except billionaires. Like ok, the dude literally says that he's going to accelerate the ongoing genocide, repeal LGBTQ+ rights, and basically set the US under a dictatorship among other atrocities. How is voting for the average democrat not harm reduction in comparison. I'm just scrolling through the comments and replies on that post trying to wrap my head around it. People are acting like a revolution is the only way of achieving harm reduction and its like no, a revolution is the goal and in the meantime we still have to deal with the current presidential campaign because we literally have a month and unless you can overthrow the government in that time frame, Trump will win if users don't vote. I don't even think that they're bots or astroturfing or anything because I recognize a lot of usernames, I'm just trying to understand their perspective. A larger chance of less genocide over the course of four years is not better than no genocide, no, but it's better than a guarantee of more genocide. Especially when the other option is a tiny, minuscule chance of no genocide in the future (and given that we can still vote, Trump will make sure that Palestinians no longer exist at the end of his term).

I'm honestly just fucking done with seeking understanding right now. It's very funny, because the whining about shaming over not voting is actually making me a lot more inclined to lose respect for people who deliberately choose not to vote than just letting it go would be.

I get that the focus on voting leading up to (particularly presidential) elections can be obnoxious. I also get that it can be discouraging when your slate of realistic political candidates is...limited, to say the least, and when you are playing with one hell of a stacked deck. I spent eight years in Texas, okay? And I am also mildly irritated and impatient about the level of "heeeeeey, have you made a plan to vote yet?" stuff going around, because of fucking course I have, can we think about anything else for a second?

And yet.

Voting is a hassle and it's annoying and sometimes I have a hard time finding candidates I respect. And it's my fucking civic duty to show up and pick the best person available for the job anyway. Sometimes I cuss as I try to find the polling place. Sometimes I make a plan and sometimes I go "oh shit oh shit" and I scramble. I am a human person. I also think it is very important to focus on other things, too, which is why I do those when I am not focusing on voting.

But get out the vote efforts have to be pervasive and loud and hard to ignore. They're trying to reach the most flaky, mercurial, forgetful ADHD motherfuckers on the ground and get those folks to the polls on time. They're trying to reach people whose lives are exploding around them and get them to the polls, where their vote might let someone who actually wants to help do something about it. They're trying to change the system that exists in front of us using the most tractable levers currently existing on the ground.

So frankly? When the GOTV shit annoys me and I can't deal with it for a second? I remind myself it's not about me, and I go curl up with a book. If it's not about me, it's not about me. I always make a voting plan, I find my station and I usually go early on a time when I have some space to wait, and I thank my poll workers and smile at them and then I feel good about myself for twenty minutes before I go about the rest of my day. So I can say that to the GOTV people and they go away and find someone else to hassle. It's fine! It's fine. The world doesn't have to be about me.

I feel like that is not that goddamn hard to do, but you'd never know it from the way some people complain.

[plutoccult]

HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE SIX: SUGA’S GOT A SECRET

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: now that ukai knows of sugawara’s feelings for you, it’s only a matter of time before the big secret spreads throughout the office, leaving sugawara with plenty of damage control to do.

word count: 6.3k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: tumblr keeps playing games when it comes to this au showing up in tags, which may be because of “foul” language apparently, so i’m gonna “censor” this episode and see what happens. it will be uncensored on ao3 though. if you missed episode five, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ IT. it’s INSANELY annoying how tumblr keeps messing with me, and that’s honestly why i (along with literally every writer on here) press about reblogs. likes don’t do anything, reblogs do. not to sound like a pain in the ass, but how can you expect your favorite authors to feel inclined to write if you’re not helping them get exposure? anyway… i feel really good about this episode creativity wise (as i reworked the original episode a TON), and think it might be one of the better episodes i’ve written along with next week’s valentine’s episode. i hope you enjoy!

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @femme-lune @jeanboyjean @cowgirlikets @okkoiktoru @darthferbert @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69 @intheewrld @msbyomimi @sukxma @akari-fujikawa @milkteeboba @5sos-wdw @todorokiskitten

taglist form here

for the second time today, you returned to your desk with your teapot full of hot water. it was scorching against your hands, but you had to be careful with your steps in order to avoid any spills. you’ve been doing this practically everyday since the office christmas party, so none of your coworkers were phased by it anymore.

“hot, hot, hot.” you whisper to yourself.

you place the teapot down and let out a sigh of relief before sitting down in your chair. the crew watched as you pour the hot water into a mug and pulled out a dish full of sugar of creamer packets, ones you recently acquired so you could be more efficient with your tea. it wasn’t necessarily the excitement the documentary was hoping for, but they kept the cameras on you in anticipation for something with suga to hopefully come up. unfortunately, nothing spicy had occurred.

you stirred everything together before taking a sip, letting out an “ah, that’s the stuff.”

•••

“i’ve been loving the teapot suga got me for christmas.” you say with a grin. “it gives me an excuse to drink more tea rather than coffee at the office, and not the kind you spill, if you catch my drift.”

you give a wink to the camera, but there might as well be crickets as none of the documentary crew laughed at your joke.

“none of you found that funny?” you pout.

•••

out of nowhere, daichi huffed and puffed as he emerged from the break room. “ugh, who in god’s name spilled coffee in the break room and didn’t clean it up?”

not again, you think to yourself. there was always someone leaving a mess somewhere in the office. it was like working with a bunch of children most of the time. you could almost always point your finger on who was to blame, but it’s not like anyone would admit their wrongs, like tanaka, who was responsible for most messes in the office.

“wasn’t me.” he immediately objected. you almost wonder if he spoke up first on purpose so the suspicion would go to someone else.

“you know i don’t drink coffee.” tsukishima said, which was true. you would find him always drinking some sort of strawberry soda, which you tried once and swore it was the most disgusting drink you ever tasted.

“yeah, and y/n has just been drinking tea lately.” suga spoke up. he immediately regretted saying anything as tsukishima, yamaguchi, kiyoko, yachi, and tanaka all collectively eyed each other. his cover was slipping terribly, but suga couldn’t help but feel the need to defend your honor.

“well, whoever did it needs to clean it up because i’m not doing it.” daichi crossed his arms.

“you know no one is gonna fess up, daichi.” tsukishima rolled his eyes. “this happens every time.”

“and i’m not gonna be stuck with the mess again!” he whined. “it’s like how you all expect asahi to reach everything on the top shelf when we invested in stepladders for a reason. those things weren’t cheap.”

the camera panned over to asahi as everyone quickly turned their heads to look at him. “why… why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“well, some of our coworkers happen to be leprechauns, you know.” kageyama said, evoking gasps out of hinata and nishinoya.

“oh, that’s not—” you began to say before covering your mouth with your hand. it was best if you kept out of this one.

“kageyama, that’s offensive to short people!” hinata exclaimed with a pout. “after everything we’ve been through…”

“my point still stands.” kageyama shrugged.

before hinata and kageyama could break out into a fight for the umpteenth time—one where tanaka would definitely yell out “world star!” and pull out his phone to record—ukai came out of his office in order to investigate what his employees were arguing about rather than actually working.

“something the matter? what’s with all the chatter?” he asked, immediately recognizing his clever rhyme. “oh, i rhymed! that’s bars right there.”

“someone spilled coffee on the floor in the break room and left it there.” daichi explained to him. “as if this office needs any more mess, it’s a disaster around here. we need to do something about the cleanliness of our work environment.”

“hmm… let me think.” ukai stood there pondering for a minute, resembling the thinker. some of you wondered if he was posing that way just for the sake of striking a pose. it definitely wouldn’t be a surprise if he was.

“uh, hello? earth to ukai?” daichi waved his hand in front of ukai, thinking he was frozen.

“i’m thinking.” he muttered, trying to stay as still as possible, down to barely moving his mouth. yeah, he was posing just to pose. typical.

everyone continued to wait for ukai to suggest literally anything, but he stayed in his position for far too long. thankfully, yamaguchi decided to speak up, but he would quickly be shut down by ukai.

“why don’t we all just clean the whole office together—”

“let’s all just clean the whole office together!” ukai interrupted yamaguchi, taking all the credit. “yes!”

“i just said that…” yamaguchi frowned.

“it’s spring cleaning, baby!” ukai clasped his hands together.

“but it’s not even spring?” tanaka questioned. he should know better than to question his boss at this point.

“so? who cares?” ukai shrugged. “don’t make me assign you to cleaning the men’s room.”

“no, please! anything but that!” tanaka begged. ukai instantly found joy in this, giving the camera a sinister, yet also off-putting stare.

•••

“i’m such a genius. if you do your spring cleaning in the winter, then you won’t have to do anything in the spring!” ukai said, praising himself as if it were his idea. “only i could think of such big brained ideas.”

“yamaguchi suggested it before you spoke over him.” a crew member spoke up, having documented it on camera.

“who?” ukai furrowed his eyebrows. it was almost hilarious how he couldn’t remember who he was.

•••

while some were assigned to clean certain parts of the office, others were cleaning out their desks, which everyone was mandated to do today. it seemed like “spring” cleaning wasn’t such a bad idea after all as many found random miscellaneous items, having no idea when they were from. tanaka even discovered why his desk had such an odd odor, which was because of an expired donut. everyone gagged at the sight and smell of it as he chucked it in a trash can and ran off.

as you were cleaning out your drawers, yachi walked up to your desk with a bottle of carpet cleaner and a scrubbing brush.

“hey, y/n. here’s that carpet cleaner you asked for.” she said as she placed it down on your desk.

you look up from what you’re doing and see yachi right in front of you. you had been waiting for your chance to use it as there were limited resources to share. thankfully yachi agreed to give it to you after she was done with it.

“oh my god, thank you.” you let out a sigh of relief. “daichi would flip if he saw the coffee stains under my desk.”

“trust me, i know… we’re desk buddies.” yachi groaned. she wasn’t particularly fond of the seating arrangement around here. at least you had your own little space, one where suga could steal pining glances as much as he desired, which reminded her. “how’s wedding planning going, by the way? did you start yet?”

the initial excitement of finally setting a wedding date sent you into overdrive, your mind racing of all the things that needed to be done to prepare for a wedding. as much as you dreamed of this, you didn’t think you’d be stuck doing all of the planning alone. ryo hadn’t made a single contribution yet, and despite your families expecting you to walk down the aisle, some doubts couldn’t help but brew up in your head.

“oh, uh, i bought my veil recently.” you reply. you hadn’t even picked a dress yet, despite having a long way to go, but picking a veil just seemed easier for right now.

“aw, that’s so exciting!” yachi couldn’t help but feel bad that suga was overhearing this conversation, given his eyes were fixated on you as he waited for you to speak, which wasn’t that hard to notice. “how are you gonna do your hair then?”

“well, i was thinking about wearing it down. kind of like—” you take out your hair clip and let your hair down, fluffing it up a bit to show yachi. “—maybe something like this?”

suga felt his heart still for a moment as he intently watched you fiddle with your hair. he wished he’d seen you like this before as you always wore your hair up at work. why were you hiding such beauty? it pained him to think about ryo always being the one to see your hair untamed like this at home. even if you failed to realize it, you were drop dead gorgeous in suga’s eyes.

“wow, you look so beautiful. you’re gonna make people cry.” yachi said, already able to think of one person without hesitation.

as yachi spoke a little too loud, ukai—being the nosy boss he is—overheard your conversation and decided to butt in. with poor timing, at that. “woah, y/n. why don't you wear your hair like that all the time? it's so much hotter than what you usually do.”

you cringe and roll your eyes as you reach for your hair clip. suga let out a sigh, wanting the savor the sight for a little longer. maybe another time, he hoped.

“man, this must be torture for you.” ukai said as he walked past suga. suga’s eyes widen as he looked around to see if anyone overheard that, and thankfully no one did. everyone was too occupied with cleaning to bother, it seemed.

•••

“yeah, on the booze cruise i told ukai about some feelings i used to have for y/n.” suga explained, albeit poorly. “i was just… feeling nostalgic, i guess, and i decided to confide in the world's worst confidant.”

used to have? even the documentary crew could see right through such a pathetic lie.

•••

later that day, suga knocked on ukai’s office door. as expected, he wasn’t cleaning his office one bit. do as ukai says, not as ukai does, apparently. it wasn’t a shock, to be honest.

“hey, ukai.” suga said as he entered ukai’s office. ukai quickly turned down the volume on his computer—seemingly not doing any productive office work either—and looked up to see what suga wanted. “remember that thing i told you on the booze cruise about y/n?”

“boy, do i?” ukai asked. he had been reeling ever since the bombshell was revealed to him. it was more exciting than the lame reality tv he usually watched at home. “of course i do.”

“well, that was, uh, pretty personal, so if you can just…” suga paused. how could he make this sound the least offensive to his boss? “if you can make sure you don’t tell anyone else about it, that would be great.”

“what? oh yeah, my lips are sealed. like the bangles song.” ukai said.

suga furrowed his eyebrows. he didn’t feel confident in that answer. “that was the go-go’s.”

“just get back to cleaning.” ukai scoffed.

“you got it.” suga nodded. it seemed he just had to take ukai’s word for it, but some worry still lingered.

•••

“suga and i are great friends. we hang out a ton, mostly at work, but the fact that he poured his heart out to me about y/n during booze cruise says everything about our friendship.” ukai said. “and because of that, i intend on keeping that information a secret for as long as i possibly can.”

“are you implying that it will spill out eventually?”

“course not. i’m the best at keeping secrets.” ukai then started to sweat profusely. he cannot keep this secret for long. “is it hot in here all of the sudden?”

•••

while suga was cleaning his desk, ukai emerged from his office with what seemed like the sole purpose of bothering him. his careful tiptoeing towards suga was evident, even if he tried to be sneaky. “suga…”

“yeah, ukai?” he looked up, ruining ukai’s opportunity to potentially scare him.

“whatcha doin’?” ukai asked. “you like football?”

“uh, ya know, cleaning. like you asked me to.” suga deadpanned. “plus, i’m more of a volleyball guy.”

“oh, yeah, makes sense.” ukai said before getting to the real point of this conversation. “so, any news on you know who?”

suga initially wondered why ukai would be bothering him like this, especially in the middle of the day, but now it was painfully obvious. of course it would be about you, but here, right on the open floor? it’s like ukai was asking to publicly embarrass suga. the poor lad had been through enough embarrassment these past few months. the documentary has seemingly only made it worse.

“time and place, ukai.” suga shook his head in annoyance.

“i just want to know more about your love life, suga.” ukai pouted. of course, he had some valid concerns. suga was just crying to him about his dilemma not that long ago, after all, but still, why here and now?

“like i said; time and place.” suga insisted.

“but—”

before ukai could plead his case, tanaka interrupted this conversation, seemingly out of jealousy over ukai newfound closeness to suga. “woah, what’s going on here? you guys besties all of the sudden?”

“um, yeah, we’re besties, tanaka.” ukai replied. suga wanted and scream and say that he was wrong. they would never be besties, never. “we tell each other secrets and stuff.”

“secrets? what secrets?” tanaka raised an eyebrow with a smirk. he instantly thought of one secret only a select few knew of, and suga knew he’d be thinking of it. “i know secrets.”

suga had to get tanaka off his back somehow. the combo and him and ukai would be a total disaster when it came to his secret. “deep, dark secrets?”

“wha… what do you mean?” tanaka questioned. it was hilarious how he was falling for this.

“oh, you know…” suga paused for dramatic effect. “the kind of secrets that could send people to jail.”

“oh my god…” tanaka let out a gasp then ran off like a scaredy cat. maybe that award went to the wrong employee on awards night.

that actually impressed ukai quite a bit. he wouldn’t say it out loud as he always had to be the very best, but ukai was definitely impressed.

“welp, back to work.” suga shrugged. this desk definitely wouldn’t clean itself, and he wasn’t sure if he could trust anyone else to go through his things. maybe he could trust you. knowing you, you’d organize everything by what you thought was worth keeping and what wasn’t, then let him figure out if your guesses were right.

“hey, uh, wait.” ukai said, catching suga’s attention once more. “what are you doing for lunch? i could take you out. my treat.”

lunch? with ukai? suga wasn’t sure if he was all too fond out that idea. free food, sure, but having to deal with ukai alone at a restaurant seemed like a bad nightmare. you never know what could happen in such an event.

“ah, no, you don’t gotta do that.” suga said as he quickly tried to think of an excuse to get out of this. “i gotta… ya know… clean and stuff.”

“what about we set up a picnic in the break room?” ukai proposed. “order some pizza and talk about you know who.”

nope. nope, nope, nope. suga knew ukai was just itching to talk about you. the only feasible solution was to get as far away from the office as possible and go out for stupid lunch. the sacrifices suga had to make for the sake of keeping his secret, well, a secret.

“haha, um… you know what? yeah, let’s go out. that’s a good idea, man.” suga stood up from his chair. ukai jumped up and down, overjoyed, which brought more attention to them. suga figured going right now was the best bet, so he quickly grabbed his coat and briefcase in order to leave right away. “let’s go now, actually. what place you thinking of?”

“oh, i know just the place.”

•••

after an awkward drive, ukai and suga found parking in the city before walking over to a popular strip of restaurants. suga assumed being a boss had its perks as there was no way he could afford to eat like this all the time. thank god ukai was paying for this.

there seemed to be amazing places to eat around here, but suga found ukai leading him to the outside of what seemed like a… maid cafe?!

“ukai, what is this place?” suga asked, hoping and praying it wasn’t what he thought it was.

“it’s my favorite spot.” ukai said, noticing suga hesitate. “i go here all the time. come on.”

“if it’s what i think it is—”

“it’ll be fine!” he interrupted suga. “don’t be shy now.”

suga let out a sigh before he followed ukai inside. it was exactly what he thought it was. he was at a maid cafe.

“no… no, no, no.” suga shook his head. this couldn’t be happening to him right now.

suddenly, a pretty woman in a maid outfit walked up to them, greeting ukai first as he was a regular. “mr. ukai! come, come have a seat wherever you’d like.”

“sana!” ukai greeted her. it was even worse that he knew the employees by name.

“there’s no way…”

•••

“ukai took me to a maid cafe.” suga said through gritted teeth. he was being interviewed outside the cafe, other cameras filming what was going on inside as ukai was being pampered by the waitresses. suga was lucky to have a chance to rant. “he took me to a F*CKING maid cafe.”

“you know you’re—”

“god, i’m tired of you guys scolding us over language. you’re just gonna cut most of this sh*t out in post anyway.” he cut off the crew member. he wasn’t necessarily wrong, but the poor editors had a lot of work cut out for them with the way the employees of japan pulp and paper act. maybe they were better off documenting another branch…

•••

meanwhile at the office, tanaka walked up to your desk unannounced, digging his fingers into the bowl of jellybeans you always had out for everyone. you don’t even wanna know where his hands have been. now that you think about it, does he ever wash his hands? you wanted to gag.

“tanaka, can you not shove your hands in the bowl like that?” you ask with a disgusted look on your face.

“whatever. all the good flavored ones are gone.” tanaka rolled his eyes as he continued to dig into the bowl.

“it’s a communal bowl…” you sigh.

“am i not bestie material?” he asked you out of nowhere. “i thought me and ukai were besties.”

you weren’t sure why he was asking this all of the sudden, but if validating him meant he’d leave you alone, then you’ll do it. “yeah, you’re bestie material, tanaka…”

“would you ever consider me to be your best friend?” tanaka questioned.

now, tanaka was a terrible worker, but he wasn’t necessarily a bad friend. he would definitely do crazy things for the sake of his coworkers. you remember on your first day tanaka told you he kept ninja stars under his desk incase of intruders and he would defend you in an instant. sometimes he was a little dumb, but he had a good heart, shockingly enough.

“sure?” you shrug.

“excellent.” tanaka said before walking away all of the sudden.

while he wasn’t looking, you quickly grab the jellybean bowl and throw away its contents. you stare at the camera for a moment as they’ve captured what you’ve done before panning to ukai and suga returning from lunch. you instantly smile upon seeing suga’s face.

“hey.” you greet him.

“hey.” suga said as he hung his coat up.

ukai eyed the two of you before going into his office. you wondered what that was about, but you shook it off and went back to talking to suga. “so, how was lunch?”

“oh, you know, pretty productive.” suga then held up a printed picture from lunch, one with him, ukai, and a bunch of waitresses in maid outfits posing together. it was worth the money. “got a lot of work done.”

you blink for a moment as you soak in the picture in front of you. never would you have guessed that out of all places. still, it was hilarious.

“you’re the worst.” you say jokingly. “there’s no way.”

“ah, but there is.” suga replied. he blushed as you began to uncontrollably laugh. it was adorable. he found it to be one of his favorite sounds in the world.

you manage to control your laughter after a few deep breaths. no more joking around. “pretty sure you’ve got more cleaning to do.”

“yes, ma’am.” he jokingly saluted before going back to his desk.

suddenly, kiyoko stormed up to ukai’s office. you couldn’t remember the last time anyone ever saw her so angry like this. you even feared steam would come out of her ears, and since she was knocking on ukai’s door, you knew it wasn’t anything good.

“ukai, takeda and i need to talk to you.” she barged in.

ukai raised his hands defensively, acting as if he were getting arrested. “i didn’t do it, your honor!”

“what?”

“…what?”

kiyoko didn’t have time for nonsense. she was livid. “ugh, come on. you’ve got some explaining to do.”

before ukai could try to protest, kiyoko dragged him away from his desk and led him to takeda, the last person ukai wanted to talk to right now. it didn’t matter what the matter was, he hated talking to human resources.

“specs, what do you have the female specs dragging me here for?” ukai groaned as kiyoko forced him to have a seat.

“uh, a new charge appeared on the corporate credit card—” takeda began to say as calmly as possible.

“you spent a hundred bucks at a maid cafe! you didn’t even get approval for this!” kiyoko interrupted him, yelling over takeda. if there was any good cop, bad cop action happening, it was clear who fit which role.

“it was a business lunch!” ukai argued. “who said i needed approval?”

takeda let out a sigh. there was a reason ukai couldn’t be trusted with anyone’s money, even his own, for that matter. he felt like he had to treat him like a child, despite ukai being the one in charge.

“ukai, you just got your corporate credit card back.” takeda scolded him. “do you really want me to take it away again?”

“what am i, a five year old? this is ridiculous!” ukai exclaimed.

“corporate is gonna be so angry!” kiyoko argued with him.

“look, suga needed a relaxing lunch.” ukai explained. “he’s been depressed and it’s been affecting his productivity. how is that not work related?”

kiyoko froze. now she’s wondering if ukai knows what she knows. does he know what she knows? takeda didn’t seem to budge by ukai’s explanation.

“he seems fine to me.” takeda shrugged.

“you're not his friend, you don't know what i know.” ukai said. “he is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged, so just cut me some slack, okay?”

unbeknownst to them, nishinoya overheard the whole thing as he walked by. “are you talking about y/n?”

no way that just happened. ukai is at a loss for words, same with kiyoko. he messed up big time.

•••

“this is bad. so bad.” kiyoko said frantically to the camera. it was safe to say she was freaking out. “did suga tell ukai? or did he figure it out? god, suga! you’re such an idiot! i can’t stand this madness!”

•••

thanks to ukai’s big fat mouth, suga’s secret had spread throughout the entire office like the plague and he had yet to figure it out, but he would soon enough.

the first person nishinoya told was asahi, who didn’t really have much of an opinion on it as he was merely a temp. once word got to hinata, however, that was when the train really started rolling. suga had no chance to swear nishinoya to secrecy, so his secret was finally spilled to everyone. well, everyone except you… for now.

hinata rushed to kageyama’s desk. had he gone any faster, he would’ve crashed and knocked over all of kageyama’s things, even his computer. it certainly wouldn’t be fun having to pay for a new one.

“jesus, hinata!” kageyama jumped out of his chair. “what are you tryin’ to do to me?!”

“nothing, nothing!” hinata exclaimed. “guess what? suga has got it bad for y/n.”

woah. even kageyama couldn’t pass up hearing such juicy information. he was rather impressed in suga’s taste in women too. you were a rather attractive woman, after all. “what? really? not bad, suga. not bad…”

ukai walked by as hinata spilled all the beans to kageyama. as hinata noticed ukai’s presence, he just had to get his opinion on the matter. after all, it was ukai’s fault the secret was revealed to everyone.

“hey, ukai. do you think suga is gonna try to break up the wedding?” hinata asked.

ukai was put off by such an outlandish question. he felt so guilty about this, as shocking as it was. suga actually put his trust in him, and he blew it in less than a week. some boss he was.

“hinata, suga is my friend, so the only people that this crush really concerns is suga and y/n...” ukai said. “and also me.”

of course, ukai had to make some of this situation about him. no surprise about that.

as suga tried to get some cleaning done, he felt as if there were more cameras on him than usual. to test the theory, he got up to go to the bathroom. the crew dared to follow him, but suga stopped before entering. there was no way he could let them film him doing his business.

“did the production value go up or something?” he furrowed his eyebrows. “what’s going on?”

before the crew could respond, nishinoya appeared, asking suga the last question he thought he’d have to hear. “suga, why didn’t you tell me you had a crush on y/n?”

his heart dropped instantly. it’s happening.

•••

suga had to carry out this interview in the calmest way possible. he was livid, sure, but there also was a bit of relief. the burden of his secret was so hard to carry most days. but the only way he could make it out of this alive is if he played it off like he used to have a crush on you.

“well, the cat’s out of the bag. i used to have a crush on y/n and now i, uh���” suga hesitated. “don’t. how thrilling...”

the poorly fabricated lies continued.

•••

now that suga got that dreadful interview was over with, it was time for him to talk to you about the newfound elephant in the room. as he discovered everyone was talking about this crush behind your back, suga decided he was better off confronting you about it. besides, it was either you find out through suga himself or ukai.

suga found you alone, knowing this was the only time and place he could get through this conversation. he didn’t need anyone else hearing in on this.

“hey.” suga spoke up. you look up and see his face, your calming smile putting him at ease.

“hey.” you say. “did you find anything good in your desk?”

“oh yeah, i found a coupon for a free sandwich.” he said. there had to be a way to bring up his crush somehow. “it expired in august, but i did find my phone charger from two years ago.“

“wow, big day.” you reply. big day was quite the understatement.

“i don’t even have that phone anymore.” suga chuckled.

“even better.” you grin.

“yeah.” he blushed.

thinking that was the end of the conversation, you began to leave the room, but suga quickly stopped you. this was his only chance, he couldn’t let it slip away.

“hey, uh, listen…” suga said as you stop in your tracks. you look up to see what he has to say. shockingly, this was harder than he thought it would be. “um, i told ukai on the booze cruise—it’s so stupid—but uh, i told ukai that i had a crush on you when i first started here.”

you felt your heart skip a beat. he had a crush on you when he first started here? now your mind raced back to suga’s first day at japan pulp and paper. he seemed so nervous, so you were the one to welcome him with open arms as you had only been with the company for less than a year at that point. you knew what it was like to be the newbie, so you wanted suga to feel more at ease. you didn’t think anything more of your kindness back then.

“oh…” is all you manage to muster out. you can’t believe you were so blind to it all. now you felt silly for only just now developing a crush on him within the past couple months. it was wrong on so many levels now.

“well, i thought that, uh.” he stumbled with his words. “i figured you should hear it from me rather than, you know, ukai of all people…”

“right…” you nod. even you could agree with that. that would result in a much more awkward interaction with your boss.

“and seriously, it's totally not a big deal, okay?” suga insisted. “and when i found out you were engaged, i mean, you know…”

right, of course. that cursed ring on your finger. no wonder he didn’t see you that way anymore, right? at least that’s what you thought was the case.

“no, yeah, i get it. i mean, i kind of…” you pause. lie, just lie, you thought to yourself. “i thought that maybe you did when you first started.”

“oh, you did?” suga questioned. now he felt a little stupid.

“well, i mean, just cause we got along really quickly…” you shrug. it was the best excuse you could think of on the spot, really. you clicked with suga faster than you did with anyone else. maybe there was a reason to that, now that you think about it.

“oh, so you saw right through me, great.” he forced a laugh.

“yeah.” you giggle. you were thankful suga fell for your sham, him feeling the same. “so are you going to be like totally awkward around me now?”

“oh, yeah, yeah... hope that's okay.” suga replied with a hint of sarcasm.

“mhm.” you nod.

“and y/n?“

“yeah?”

“it was like three years ago, so i am totally over it.” suga said. even if he was far from over it, he had to lie for the sake of saving face. he didn’t want to give up since ukai told him not to, but suga couldn’t let you know the truth just yet. this was merely dipping his toes in the water.

“yeah, cool.” you say before finally leaving the room. suga figured he kept you for far too long, anyways.

“alright, cool…”

•••

“so… suga had a crush on me, huh? emphasis on had, i guess.” you shrug. “more reason to move on from my own silly crush, right?”

the crew share a collective look. you wonder what they’re all thinking. was there something you still didn’t know?

“right..?”

•••

suga was thankful his conversation with you went rather smoothly. all he had to anticipate now was ukai’s explanation for the mess that’s been made. who knows what ukai will manage to do, he was so predictable yet unpredictable at the same time.

ukai jumped when he heard suga knock, even worse when he saw his face. he knew exactly what this was about, so ukai had no choice but to motion for him to come in.

“hey.” suga said, closing the door behind him. no way could anyone else hear this right now. suga would lock the door and board it up if it had to.

“i know, i know, i know.” ukai sighed. “i messed up.”

it was actually a surprise to suga that he was owning up to his mistake. he figured he should go a little easy on ukai for the time being, depending on his future responses. “yeah, i was kinda wondering what happened with that…”

“i um… you know, expense reports.” ukai said, frantically trying to explain his way through this. “and then stupid specs! he’s such a goody two-shoes, disgusting. he got all on me about our lunch—”

“the one at the maid cafe.” suga interrupted him. the puzzle pieces were coming together.

“yes, the one at the maid cafe! said corporate was gonna be mad about it, and…” ukai began to tear up, not even trying to fight back his emotions. “i ended up spilling the beans! it was an accident, honest! god, i hope this doesn’t affect our friendship, suga!”

wow. and to think suga was just crying to him merely days ago. now the tables have turned. suga didn’t know whether this was sad or hilarious. would it be wrong to think it’s both? he sure thought of it to be both ways.

as much as suga wanted to totally flip out and scream his head off, he just… couldn’t. for one, he’d probably lose his job, but this situation was inevitable. secrets can’t stay secrets forever, no matter how much you want to hold them close. they always make their way out of your grasp somehow.

“hey, hey, hey. relax, man.” suga tried to calm ukai down. “it's… it’s not a big deal.”

ukai wiped away snot and tears, which was quite disgusting. “it’s not?”

“yeah, it’s fine.” suga let out a sigh. “it was bound to come out one way or another, i guess. everything’s gonna be alright, okay?”

“yeah… okay.” ukai nodded. he was thankful to not be on suga’s bad side, which he‘s never seen at its fullest potential. no one has, really. suga is far too patient for this disastrous company.

“good… good.” suga said. “see ya.”

man, ukai was such a violent crier.

as suga left ukai’s office, he eyed you for a moment, seeing you were walking over to where he just was. you would have no choice but to see ukai crying like a toddler, which no one should ever have to see in their entire life.

“good luck.” he quickly whispered to you as you walked past him, confusion written all over your face.

huh?

shrugging off suga’s random comment, you head into ukai’s office anyway, not even bothering to knock as the door was already open just a bit. nothing seemed out of the ordinary to you yet, as if ukai isn’t unordinary anyway.

“hey, here's your schedule for next week.” you set the paper down on ukai’s desk before noticing he’s wiping away tears. “woah, are you okay?”

“yeah, i'm fine.” ukai sniffled. “look, about you and suga—”

“oh no.” you shook your head. was that what he was crying over? woah, did suga make him cry? nice. “ukai, you don't have to—”

“no, i feel like it's my responsibility as your boss and also your friend.” he cut you off, but you didn’t see any need for this. you and suga cleared the air already, right? plus, ukai considering himself your friend was quite a stretch.

“no, really, it's okay.” you insist. “i know that suga had a crush on me when he first started or whatever. but that was a long time ago, so…”

“what? no. it wasn't that long ago. it was on the booze cruise.” ukai said.

what the heck could he possibly be talking about?

“suga had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?” you furrow your eyebrows.

ukai very quickly realized he messed up once again. he figured he was better off shutting up for once in his life. “ahh… yeah… i’m just gonna… shut my mouth. i’m clocking out.”

“oh… okay.” you say quietly as ukai stood up and walked out of his office so he could leave for the day. it was about five o’ clock, after all.

you follow ukai on his way out and see suga packing up, putting his coat on before grabbing his briefcase. he can detect your presence, even when leaning over for his briefcase as he could see your mary jane’s in his vision. black and shiny, just the way they always were. you never, ever left them scuffed.

“you need a minute?” he asked as you walked by.

“yeah, just need to get my coat on.” you reply.

suga waited for you to pack up before you walked out together, both heading towards the elevator. you and suga enter, just the two of you, stealing glances while the other wasn’t looking until your eyes inevitably meet. you can’t even deny how often he makes your heart race, it was almost a nuisance.

you didn’t know how long this song and dance would last, but you needed this feeling to go away before june. it simply can’t go on any longer.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[princemick]

TUMBLR F1BLR RULES!!!

hi, hello and welcome, we've seen what's been happening to twitter and we welcome you to our little corner.

there are however some things that differ from Twitter to Tumblr and so we have some different rules and behaviour then you might be used to!! I'm gonna try to explain them to you in this post! everything is below the tab!

reblog reblog reblog!!! likes do absolutely nothing, and your blog 'aestetic' in reblogs doesn't really matter unless you're a specific aesthetic blog, reblog are the way people see the content. likes are private! so remember to reblog the stuff you see and like!

DO NOT STEAL GIFS/GRAPHICS I WILL COME AFTER YOU!!! always ask if you can use a gif an then ALWAYS CREDIT properly

shipping is, prevalent. shipping even rpf is ingrained into tumblrs culture on every side of it if you dont like it thats a you thing, you can 'blacklist' tags so just add 'rpf' or the shipnames to them and you should be good!

continuing with that idea, curate your own experience is the most important thing on this site, blocking and blacklisting is normal and very much allowed and welcomed. almost no one is going to change how they do or act around here for one person, just unfollow or blacklist.

but do NOT put long posts or x reader fics, anything in the main tag without putting it under a 'read more' tab people will get annoyed by you

followers dont matter!!! no one CARESSS about basically anything this site is wonderfully anonymous and we can't see how many followers anyone has so genuinely no one gives a shit do whatever you want

remember to trigger tag and unlike twitter spell it out completely! so when a crash happens or is talked about make sure to tag it 'tw crash' even with reblogs!! also remember to tag when you're being negative about a driver as 'anti *insert first name*' never do full name then it will show up in their tags which defeats the purpose of anti tagging.

adding to that, use tags! they're one of the best tumblr features its free to be overenthusiastic and excited in the tags BUT the blog you can reblog it from AND the op can also read those tags so keep that in mind!!

be nice! this shud be a given, be nice, let people do their thing and vibe, just support people and block when u you dont vibe with them! when you do wanna send hate asks do it off anon, dont be shy do it on main

and things arnt 'weird' in the same way they are on twitter, this place has no drivers and no public figures so shame is a lot less existent here, you have to get used to that

and lastly as quoted by my anon 'Don't be afraid to be funny or weird be thirsty on main ship the middle aged man no one cares.'

and most of all. HAVE FUN!!! dont be scared to ask people how things work most of us are very okay with answering 'dumb' questions a lot of us have been here for about a decade we know its a confusing platform please ask away!

[formulapookie]

ok, so i keep seeing stuff and tbh, it puts me off but i want to give benefit of the doubt.

so. where would YOU have me start on learning how moto gp works. i don't mean shipping. i will go left field with that shit myself, hell, i'm out here in my georgenando canoe. but understanding the sport.

you know, stuck here between should not have to give reasons and fuck it. bestie has bikes. i've watched some stuff. i find it very interesting. i'm not here bc f1 soley. but any time i've watched there is just so much to take in? when i got into f1 i had my friend on msn explaining. holding my hand if you will.

also yes i'm prepared to be labelled a glory hunter as i am inevitably drawn towards the small spanish war criminal. i have a type.

so do you have a primer? links? any news articles that really break it down?

ok so.

I personally got into MotoGP through my best friend who didn't explain a lot to me, just told me to try and get it (he's bad at explaining things)

I tried to read about it on wikipedia first, just to get a general idea of the sport and you know, teams and riders.

I think I can break something down for you, but it's mainly the structure of the sport itself rather than it's story, for that you can ask or read @muxas-world blog because that's where I at first got infos here on tumblr.

SO.

The weekend is structured on three days like F1, we got one Free Practice on Friday and then a Pre-Qualifying session called Practice in which the ten fastest gain direct access to Q2 on Saturday.

Saturday has another round of Free Practice and then Quali, divided in Q1 where the riders out the top ten on the previous day fight for the first two position to access Q2 with the other ten, then it's down to the fastest. After this there's ALWAYS the sprint, unless particularly strange scenarios (extreme weather) and it gives circa half the points of a normal race, it's fully valid for the championship and it DOESN'T determine the day after's grid, it stays the same as the first one.

On Sunday we race. There's no mandatory pit stops in MotoGP, unless it's raining and riders gotta switch to a wet bike, which is very funny cause you see these crazy guys hopping from a bike to another and try to regain positions.

Teams can have wildcards during the season, meaning riders (usually test riders) who replace one of the two official riders for an ENTIRE WEEKEND, not like F1 where it's usually just FP1, and this year they changed rules so that only certain teams can have wildcards, Ducati is completely excluded by it because they're 4 teams combined (as in Ducati gives engine to 4 teams: Ducati Lenovo and Pramac which use a 2024 bike, Gresini and VR46 which use a 2023 bike) and honeslty there was another reason but I currently am fighting sleep to answer you and can't remember

Points are assigned from the 1st to the 15th place, one additional point for the fast lap.

Tows, crashes and show are much more likely to be than in F1, especially crashes are far more frequent, obviously not cause riders are bad, but because it's easier to loose a bike going 360km/h ratehr than a car at that same speed.

Also, here Moto2 and Moto3 hold a higher value than F2 and F3 do in the Formula 1 concept of it all, championships won in those classes ARE COUNTED as championships, so Vale for example, a 9 time World Champion IS NOT 9 times MotoGP world champion, 9 in the championship won together in MotoGP and what back then was 125/250cc (currently Moto 3 and 2, actually with even more cc)

It's important to watch these series cause they really give you and insight on A. how actually crazy these guys are B. how many talents there are out there

sorry I can't really tell you more cause if you wan the history of the sport i'm not the one to talk you well about it, but I hope I helped, also sorry if I don't include links but I don't really know where to get real infos, I just learnt here on tumblr, I recommend you do the same :)

[transmasc-wizard]

can u tell me about arthur also

hello hi yes I can you've unlocked my unskippable cutscene.

(@ tumblr mutual Lola abitofafreudmoment if you see this ask: YES this is campaign Arthur NO the lore isn't the same i kidnapped him from dnd for another project so stop readinggggg because some of it is the same/spoilery but also a LOT is different <3)

arthur is a magic user who grows up in a very high control very sketchy very isolated religious community. most important players in his life are his best friend, alexei; his highly manipulative mother, ivana; his father, nero, who hes publicly a strong "father-son duo" with but is in private abused by; alexei's shitass parents; and his peer Penelope, who he courts at the wishes of their parents when he's 19.

from a young age Arthur is seen as the shining star of his community, the most skilled of many of his peers. he is very firmly groomed into believing he's going to take his father's place in their community one day as a leader of task forces that go out on missions for the priestesses of their town. his best friend Alexei, though, is.... not that. Alexei is dogshit at magic and worse at being charismatic. Alexei is also the most important person alive to Arthur.

Alexei dies !

the story Arthur is in revolves around a "before", when they're 16-20, narrated by Alexei. it shows the higher and higher levels of pressure they both face, and Arthur's withstanding it and rising in status while Alexei struggles and grows both bitter and less conditioned to the beliefs held there. there's also an "after" that these chapters are interwoven with. this is narrated by Arthur, who is 21, alone, turned to alcoholism, and very very scared. Alexei is dead in "after". we don't know what actually killed him for a long time, but we know it leads golden boy Arthur to flee the community with the intent to never return.

in the after, Arthur has relentless dreams of Alexei and of a strange rocky coast he's never seen. He travels from town to town in search of this place, and in the process enlists the help of Rosalind, a woman with a lot of practical knowledge who desperately wants to explore and to learn magic due to always feeling like theres something innately wrong with the life shes currently leading, and Orion, a librarian who survived a horrific hazing that left them with the ability to communicate with and sense the dead who *also* dreams of that coast.

while all this is happening, he is being hunted/haunted by alexei's ghost, who is very, very angry. at everything. he maybe can't feel anything *but* anger, Arthur doesn't know. he's also being hunted by his family and by penelope, who's made a deal with their God to find Arthur again in exchange for powers that help her partially control alexei's ghost (and other spirits).

over the story Arthur is forced to confront his grief over and over again, it nearly physically killing him in a lot of situations. he also is forced to confront the fact that he was in love with Alexei, still is, even though that's not a relationship that would've ever been feasible due to how radically different their social positions were. There's a pretty big metaphor in his story for closeted, denied, queerness and internalized homophobia, + masculinity and what it means to be a man. the whole thing is also about like... choices, how we treat others, and how that interplays with the experience of loss and grief.

some various arthur facts: he plays the violin (well, ambivalently) and sings (badly, joyously). he despises being touched and desperately needs a hug. he lies all the time entirely to make things easier for the people around him. he's got a funny streak that gets to thrive when he's away from his community and it surprises him a lot. he's a giant nerd who knows a lot of academic stuff and a lot of things about fighting but very few actual every day life skills (thanks, Ivana!). he wants to be good. he does not believe he is good.

tldr: I likey him :)

[bethaven]

#22 Heartstopper

Plot: Nick and Charlie get placed together at form in school and immediately - sparks. Charlie's unsure if Nick likes him back, or even if he's non-straight. Nick on the other hand, get very confused about these new feelings. Meeting, falling in love and being out turns out to be more complicated than they could've ever imagined. But it's the love story of the century and together with supportive friends and family they can overcome anything. We also get to follow their friends and family in their own endeavours, like the relationships between Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy as well as Isaac's ace-journey.

Years: 2022-

Seasons: 2 (season three arriving in 2024)

My story: There's so much to say here, but I'll try to keep it short. I discovered Heartstopper shortly after the first season had arrived to Netflix. It fast became one of my favourites and led to a few rewatches over the first year. But I didn't move further into the fandom just yet. When season 2 dropped I'd been longing for it all summer. I'd had a rough year with chaos at work combined with both my grandfathers passing away within two months. I'd been keeping myself distracted with travelling all summer, but then suddenly there were no distractions left. My mental health spiraled. The only thing that kept me afloat was Heartstopper. I watched all episodes everyday for about two months. I read the comics over and over. I went deep into the Osemanverse and I read books, which I normally never do. I got into tumblr. All of it kind of became my saving. And I owe it all to Alice Oseman.

Teachable moments: For me Heartstopper teaches us primarily about how love is always just love, in whichever form it comes in. Wheither it's platonic, romantic or other types of love, wheither it's the love you feel for your partner or the love you feel for friends and family - they're all valid and important.

Best character: Even though I love them all, I've always had a soft spot for Charlie. There's so many layers of him and I am really looking forward to how the rest of his journey will be portrayed on screen. He has the biggest heart and is so much stronger than he thinks.

Best episode: "Boyfriend" (S1E8). I love how this episode start at the deep end and ends on a high note. Nick's speach and their kiss in the corridor together with the beach trip just makes this perfect. A big runner up is "Truth/Dare" (S2E6), not the least for Tara and Darcy's story and growth.

Best quote: "I think there's this idea that when you're not straight you have to tell all your friends and family immediately, like you owe it to them. But you don't." (Charlie to Nick) This line has really helped me in my own journey about sexuality/attractions.

Fun fact: It'd be hard to find a fun fact that the Heartstopper fandom didn't already know (even though it might be true for all the series in this calendar). But for the not so initiated it'd be fun to know that Joe Locke, who plays Charlie, got the role through an open audition and this is his first time acting professionally. In 2024 he'll be both in a new Marvel series (which, in a parallel universe is quite funny since Charlie doesn't like Marvel) and do his Broadway debut in Sweeny Todd.

If you like this you might also like: Young Royals, Skins, Tales of the City, Skam and Atypical.

(Heartstopper is the adaptation of Alice Oseman's webcomic and books. Volume 5 was just released and volume 6 will be the last one. The webcomic is normally released three times a month, but will now be on a hiatus for about six months, until Alice have some volume 6 stuff to share. Also check out the novellas Nick and Charlie and This winter as well as Alice's novels Solitaire (where the story about Nick and Charlie started), Radio Silence, I was born for this and Loveless. She has also written and created the Netflix series.)

[hms-no-fun]

Do your political views influence your writing? and if they do, how so?

this is sort of a tough question. i mean obviously my political views affect my writing, i believe that's true of every writer. the "how" is throwing me for a bit of a loop though. maybe partly because pretty much my only public-facing writing at this point is godfeels, which really isn't indicative of the kind of stuff i spent my entire pre-transition life writing. which actually makes it harder for me to introspect on the subject because transition brought with it political radicalization. i'm not just a woman now, i'm a communist, and i've spent a lot more time thinking about propaganda and hierarchies and economic power dynamics. so i'm definitely more intentional about this stuff now... what the hell, let's give it the ol college try

i'm typically drawn to characters in working/middle-class positions, because those are the people i've spent most of my life around. everything i write is at least partially autobiographical, as seen in the vast majority of my pre-transition protagonists being sad adolescent/twenty-something boys crumbling under the weight of social expectations they have no interest in meeting but can't imagine an alternative to. it is frankly extremely funny how much of my early fiction was about characters who desperately wanted to transition but utterly lacked the language & framework for doing so... because i also lacked that knowledge. i have multiple hundred+ page books that i never finished because i guess i couldn't even let myself imagine what the logical conclusion would be.

in my subjects, i've always had opinionated characters who got mad about social ills. a loooooot of my old short stories started with characters arguing about politics. i was raised secular and grew up in the bible belt during the bush years. i've always had a strong moral compass and a tendency to Say Shit, and that absolutely comes through in everything i write. it's an impulse i have to tamp down on a lot, because as tempting as it is to get all your hits in whenever you can, a lot of times they come across as infantile and pointless. you know, dude standing up and giving a Big Important Speech about whatever social ill you happened to read about on tumblr that day. sometimes you can get good stuff from that you've really gotta earn it.

my current work is definitely a lot more coherently political than my old stuff. obviously the witchkind legion is my attempt to imagine a post-scarcity communist utopia that is still deeply flawed in its own unique ways. come home, wolf was a gesture in a similar direction albeit on a smaller scale, imagining a communist nation funding a rewilding initiative in collaboration with a historically oppressed werewolf population. i guess i'm thinking a lot more about The Material Conditions these days. pure character drama just doesn't do it for me anymore, it feels disconnected from the real. i want to know where my characters live and how expensive the food is. and i want my stories to be saying interesting things as much as possible, instead of repeating tired tropes out of a lack of introspection.

when i went through a Social Justice arc in my mid-twenties, i really became aware of the fact that all my stories were about straight white dudes in suburban environments. i started noticing accidental racism & sexism & homophobia & etc etc all over the place, laundered in through various unquestioned assumptions and a fairly sheltered upbringing. in hindsight this is a big reason i stopped writing fiction altogether from 2013 to 2019, that i felt totally trapped by my inherited biases. funny how much changed when i came out as transgender! these days the trick is finding ways to utilize that experience constructively. for instance, as someone who once used the r-slur with gleeful thoughtless disregard, how might i go about incorporating that experience into my writing thoughtfully? there's an understandable tendency in young writers to course correct hard around The Problematic, that i think can very often result in sterile text that's too timid to grapple with real issues. there's a learning experience attached to realizing that the r-slur (for instance) isn't just a word but a historical object, a linguistic bludgeon with valances far beyond anything within my limited sphere of experience. just because i don't use that word anymore doesn't mean other people don't, and those other people are not necessarily any more Bad than *i* was as a teenager. combined & uneven development and all that.

so now with the Upsilon Kids i'm trying to deliberately explore Problematic & Troubled Teens from a place of empathy and personal experience. i'm not setting out to Make A Point mind you, but a point will be made regardless so i might as well put some thought into it. this is another place where it's REALLY IMPORTANT to have a check on your political impulses. it's extremely easy for the desire to Make A Point completely override character voice and dramatic consistency. this is why we practice and try new things and challenge ourselves as writers, so we never feel like we've got it all Figured Out for too long.

well i hope that was a useful and not totally embarrassing answer because i'm going cross-eyed now and i absolutely don't have the attention span to proofread all that lmao

[ninyard]

thanks for answering my previous ask‼️‼️ it’s okay if you can only write tips for your pov, i asked you YOUR process not someone else’s cus i like whatever it is you do to write, if that makes sense? i also don’t mean to shit on the way other people do things tho sjsjdnddjdj. you weren’t rude at all and i do see where you’re coming from‼️ i guess if i need to ask more specifically, how do you plot out ur socmed posts? i think that’s what i struggle with when it comes to writing my own? like i can find funny haha tweets or tumblr post for my/my friends charas to say but i wanna be able to write funny original stuff too? if that makes sense? 🫶🏽

I get that!!! This got long and it’s really messy so,, sorry if it doesn’t make sense~~

When it comes to making posts I personally don’t like to use already existing tweets. sometimes I can find inspiration in em but I’ve never intentionally looked up tweets to use for my socmed stuff. To each their own but it’s not for me! I don’t think they’re really socmed aus so much as like… incorrectaftgquotes type things? And I don’t really find much inspiration from it tbh. I might have one or two somewhere that are loosely based on a tweet I seen but I try my best to avoid that n make most of them as original as possible.

I guess know what kind of thing you’re going to make, in a way. My Exy fans au is essentially every big event in canon from an in-universe fans perspective. So that one’s easy to plot because it already exists and it’s just about coming up with the posts. Sometimes the fox tweets will just randomly branch off into their own things (like the Kevin-outing-Jeremy au) or sometimes they’re just their own standalone au series’ (like the andreil outing au).

I don’t really make long multiple-post “plotted” socmed stuff in the same way someone like Jas did with the Trojans au, but that’s just my personal preference. it takes a lot of work and it’s a lot like a fic in some ways!! It’s like writing a fic except it’s all dialogue and the dialogue has to be under 260 characters. And SOMETIMES there’s pictures. But they’re kind of just the same thing when it comes to plotted stuff. So maybe just do what you’d do if you were writing a fic!

In terms of coming up with funny things I guess it’s just like… don’t force it. If you’re finding something isn’t working, then don’t force it to work. I have all these ideas and scrapped tweets that just didn’t quite work for the post I had bc sometimes ya gotta accept something isn’t quite right. If you don’t want to just copy tweets and use those then try to find somewhere to start - for me that’s the hardest part of the ~random~ fox tweets and why it’s 1000000x easier to make a post that has purpose (like the party, or the q&a, or X au). I think finding pictures is a pretty good place to start, but I swear I’ve spent more time staring at a wall just trying to get into the zone of making tweets than time I’ve spent actually making them.

And I suppose it’s important to check like,,, are you (in the general sense) making them because you want to and have a funny idea, or is it because other people are/fomo/you see how many notes some of em get? Neither answer is wrong! But it’s easier to be funny, in my opinion, when I’m making them because i just randomly thought of a funny idea, versus making them because I feel obligated to or forcing things that aren’t funny because I “have” to post. Does that make sense? I always like to see when peoples’ socmed aus have some sort of story or reason, like the psu intern, or the foxes kids, or the Trojans au, or the au where Seth is still alive and tweeting like the menace that he would be. They’re always more interesting to me than posts that are just reposted tweets with Neil Josten slapped on em. But again that’s my personal preference!!!! Do whatever you want!!!!

Do you care if it’s ooc or not? Is it something that could happen in canon, or canon adjacent, or is it just an au where canon compliance doesn’t really matter at all? For me I try to make them as in-character as possible (with the exception of the fact that I don’t believe Neil, Andrew or Jean would tweet at all irl). I know it doesn’t bother some people if they’re ooc because they’re just for fun and that’s fine too. But them being “in-character” for me takes up a lot of space when it comes to coming up with the “plot” of the posts, if that makes sense!! (There’s always leeway when it comes to this tho - they’re never going to be 100% book accurate)

For me I almost have the characters as their own characters in my posts - which sounds crazy but bear with me. Like Kevin always typing with proper punctuation, and Dan always typing in lowercase. Neil doesn’t use text speak or shortened things like ‘bc’ or ‘lol’ whereas Nicky and Allison do. Nicky uses a lot of punctuation marks, Andrew uses proper grammar but doesn’t always use periods at the end of his posts, and he’s more likely to just post a picture than type out words sometimes. Does that make sense? Figure out how your characters are going to somehow have an individual voice through tweets. And it’s little things that probably don’t make a huge difference to most people but I care about those kind of little things way too much!!

TLDR; Why are you making them? Find where to start, don’t force it, and how in-character do you want them to be? Come up with your characters “voice” - how do they type/tweet? Just have fun!!! And don’t care about what other people are gonna think!!!!

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies!

Anonymous asked:

Dayummm Azul is BIGGGG LOOK AT THAT BOY! DAYUMMM

Hehe thank you!!

I am happy I managed to figure out how to draw the fishies… Azul is one thicc boy

Anonymous asked:

What do you think of Silver x Kalim? Cater x Leona? LMC + Rook x Idia?

Kalim/Silver is cute but unfortunately too cute to click with us; their interactions are sweet and wholesome, but they don’t really give us anything we look for in ships.

Cater/Leona is hmmm nothing against it, but we’re not invested enough in either of them to ship them, plus we haven’t seen anything from their interactions that would grab our attention yet.

Love Rook/Idia though! We have a tag for them and just posted them a week ago, and I’ll write a hc post about them soon… well, at some point…

Anonymous asked:

🐩 anon has arrived once more to thank you for your absolutely delicious art. I had to come out of twst burnout, it's so hard to enjoy the fandom when it's all self righteous antis trying to police the game as if it's not catered to basically young adults and older. These kids have me baffled, it's as if they believe pixels are real people.

I can hardly stand to look at TWST Tumblr anymore either, they're all so white knighted that you'd think they were paid to be piss babies in circles they don't belong in. It's one of those "Why put yourself in that position to see it, if you didn't want to be there in the first place".

Hi 🐩 anon, long time no see! Thank you for being around and still enjoying my art.

I feel you, it really is difficult when you keep seeing people saying the same type of antis bullshit over and over and over again; even if you become apathetic about it, it’s still very annoying. Mostly because it’s impossible to ignore completely – they love to invite themselves to spaces that aren’t meant for them. That’s like the whole idea. No one is forcing anyone to see anything, every ship and triggering trope is always tagged in some way or another, but instead of avoiding this type of stuff they use the tagging system to shit on certain characters and ships directly, just so you couldn’t look for your favourite thing without seeing their outbursts of unsolicited opinions.

It really is very annoying.

Anonymous asked:

🐩 anon again, but now with one that's more funny and teehee haha random info that I thought you'd think it'd be interesting or funny

On that note, I came here because I started a DND campaign with a group over a twst based campaign. It reminded me of you, which made me invested in the campaign. Now I have a whore serving with 18th century fashion, giving Vil a run for his money. So far, 10/10. He has major Edmund and Idia vibes, wants no part of it, gets shit luck anyways and so far, has slept with Bird Man for Ramshackle funds on a bad roll. Mans is a survivor and we are barely halfway into chapter 1 😭

It’s so sweet that you got reminded of us and got invested… I am very glad you’re having fun! “Rewriting” your negative fandom experience with a positive one and good associations is so important.

Major Edmund and Idia vibes + a 18th century fashion whore??? SLEEPING WITH BIRD MAN??? An icon and a hustler. I don’t know him but I love him already…

Anonymous asked:

Good lord. I had randomly followed a twst blog but then I saw them posting about how even though there is a two year age difference between the third-years and first-years, it’s wrong to ship them because the first-years treat them, especially the housewardens, like idols and apparently that’s grooming. Like, no, that’s you in Delululand and I’m about to unfollow and block. #staytoxicbestie

Yeah they seem to have discovered this idea and now put it everywhere, harassing JackVil shippers and such. It’s one of those moments when I genuinely hope that they deliberately lie and reach because I am scared of the idea of anyone being this dumb.

It does suck that there seems to be more people like that lately, and they don’t even tag their accs with “proship dni” anymore either. Gee I wonder why.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Everything okay?

Yeah, I'm doing pretty good. Catching up on Tumblr is really difficult though. Every time I take a break to do anything there are like 30000 posts to look at. I might just have to contend with the fact that there's no catching up. Internet FOMO. My brain keeps going "Well what if someone made a really funny post while I was away?!" And like... If it was really that funny it would come back around.

I still have no idea where that ask I answered went and I'm too burnt out still to try to retype it.

I am still cranking out fanfic and I am enjoying the 1.6 update of Stardew Valley though. And I made a yummy pasta dinner yesterday.

So overall I'm just... Tumblr exhausted. Everyone makes too many good posts all the time and the need/desire to tag all of them appropriately is massively kneecapping my ability to interact. Couple that with my IRL responsibilities of taking care of my Mom and handling my own adult life just means I spend my limited free time on meatspace tasks like knitting/crocheting and embroidery or on actually gaming or writing instead of my old routine which was... scrolling tumblr until I caught up for the day, usually dumping more than half of the posts in my drafts for future me, and then using whatever free time I have left to write or game. So I'm okay. But I think I'm honestly just... not going to be able to be available on Tumblr indefinitely. This legitimately might have to just be a hobby place now where I pop in to check up on friends, post notable things like finished projects, and then just dip out and ignore most posts. there's simply not enough time in my life to engage with all the fun things I want to.

But even though I'm a bit burnt out, I'm happy. I get to eat better food now that I cook more, I get to make more cool things now that I knit and crochet and embroider more. I get to handle more of my life which is honestly needlessly complicated (I will rage against taxes being obtuse on purpose forever), but it means I have more control over what happens which isn't much, but it helps me feel like a functional adult instead of a leaf in a stream. And I still have time for fun stuff. That fun stuff just... isn't on Tumblr so much.

All my fruitless efforts to "catch up" on here have done is just give me more drafts to dig through than I can manage and kept me away from doing more of the things I love.

So I'm going to try to do more targeted things on here. Post more original content, reblog a bit less, give up on catching up, and just try to give whatever energy I have on here to specific friends.

Feel free to keep sending me DotNW stuff. I almost always have energy for that. But I don't think I have the time and energy in me to go over a bunch of new things.

Physically I'm drained, mentally I'm fried. But it's okay. I think that I just have to let go and deal with the fact that having to step up and be an adult means I have to choose what's really important to me. And scrolling through memes on Tumblr is fun. But it's not fulfilling. I don't really want to spend 6 hours every day just catching up on what everyone else is sharing and then another 10 hours some other day scrolling through stuff I saved for later because I was too tired to read it the first time.

I want to spend more time creating my own things.

So I think from now on I'm just going to be extra picky about what I engage with on Tumblr, especially because engaging with stuff on here with only half my brain because I'm exhausted means I can only give half the attention to things that they deserve. I will try to post more of my own things so you know I'm still around and I will try to answer more often. But I think including Tumblr in my routine is no longer a sustainable thing.

It's like trying to live at a themepark. There's a lot of good stuff here, but very little of it helps me be the person I want to be. I don't want to just consume other people's content. I want to make stuff.

So I'll be around. But I think I'm going to start making really hard decisions about what I can and can't give attention to.

That said, seeing you build your own little community by hosting polls and engaging with other fandom blogs is really nice. I'm glad you're able to reach out and connect with so many new people. Tumblr is really great for that. I'm happy to be your DotNW contact, but I think I may have to trim down my engagement on Tumblr to just that. DotNW, maybe some legend of Zelda, maybe some cat memes and positivity. I'm going to trim away a lot of political stuff first and foremost because I'm pretty bad with that and I'm going to try to limit my meme engagement and long posts and see how that does. And if I need to trim down even more, then I will. But from now on, I think I just have to be decisive.

And I've decided the best use of my time is much less Tumblr.

I'll still be around, but it's definitely going to be sporadic. Doesn't mean we're not friends. Just means I'll get to all the fun things you want to share in a much longer timeframe.

I hope you are well, too. I think this is just one of those things where I have to completely transform my life. It's not bad. It's just different. I'm still doing all the things I love. I'm just putting more effort into the things that I love more.

Sorry for the long post. I think this is as "back" on Tumblr as I can be.

Thank you for loving me and sharing your joy of gaming with me! Even if I can't be on Tumblr as much, I will try to make space for you in my life!

[northern-passage]

honestly same...I also only stick to reading the same ifs I've been reading since like 2 years ago + as a disabled lgbt person this community has gotten to toxic to interact wth tbh

hmmm putting this under a read more but here's some ramblings about my personal experience as well as some advice if anyone wants it

before i started writing tnp, when i was just a reader, it was very easy to curate my space and avoid a lot of the nastier people (especially back when the forums were the main space for people to talk about IF. i didn't go on the forums at all) and i was very much outside of the fandom and followed only like one artist whose recommendations i started off with before finding more stuff on my own.

once i became an author though it is impossible to avoid certain groups of people and it's really hard to hold on to that comfortable space. over the last like 3 years now my audience has definitely changed and dwindled a lot due to my.... Big personality but before that i had to endure a lot of harassment, people stalking me, people harassing my friends just for being my friend, almost constant transphobia and racism, and even now i still have people that seem to just camp in my inbox waiting for any opportunity to try and hurt me/get a reaction out of me.

i've been pretty open about all of this stuff happening too which most people also don't like, though that seems to be pretty standard across any fandom when you try to talk about how bad they are. i'm never really surprised when other authors delete without any warning or they just slowly stop posting and never come back. it's definitely something i've wanted to do more than once and still think about sometimes. even now after finally seeming to find my "niche" and a more understanding audience, it's really hard and i struggle with finding inspiration and motivation because of how people have treated me.

unfortunately i think it's always been this way, it's the nature of sharing work online and especially with IF feeling so "collaborative" people really feel entitled to it. and i also see readers facing this same kind of harassment, too, so it's definitely not just an author problem.

my advice is to just block and ignore people as best you can and just stay in your own little bubble with your friends or at least people that you trust. if you're an author going through any of the things i mentioned then just know there are a lot of other authors that have had to go through it, too, and that you should also just block and ignore to the best of your ability. just because you're an author doesn't mean you have to tolerate it. i used to respond to a lot of messages which is why i feel that a lot of my harassment lasted for so long, because they thought it was "funny" to upset me, but the more you respond and give them attention the more they'll keep doing it. so just block anons and move on (i know i make it sound so simple. trust me i used to be really bad about it, now i try to take at least a day or two before responding and usually by that time i realize how stupid it is and i just delete it without any fanfare)

at the end of the day though it's your decision, and your well-being comes first before anything else. i say this to both authors and readers, there's no reason to force yourself to stay in a place that makes you uncomfortable or is triggering. sometimes it's better to just let go and move on, though i know that's easier said than done. i'm a prime example as someone who still logs into tumblr daily despite trying really hard not to do that.

and i'm not saying to give up on your work, but rather that writing privately is always an option, and it's what i've been doing now with my other projects ever since i took siren's call down. i know the desire for outside validation can be overwhelming but i think it's important to remember that you should be writing this for yourself first and that there's no harm in keeping your work private until you're ready. tumblr is fun but there's also a lot of problems that can be difficult to deal with while you're also trying to keep motivation and creativity up to write your story, and it can be really discouraging.

like i said, your first priority should be yourself, and if you have to step back away from tumblr/fandom then you should & you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

all of that to say that there are nice people out there, too, i've made really good friends here and i really value their friendship and their understanding, especially when i was going through the worst of it. and there are a lot of readers who have been very kind to me and that have sent me very nice messages and drawn lovely art over the years and i always try to focus on that over everything else.

it can be really easy to get overwhelmed by all the negativity and hostility which is why it's so important to find your people and be supportive of each other.

[emdubyaz]

@felixcosm I’m sorry tumblr deleted my answer when I wanted to add tags idk what happened but here we go again I guess,,,,

Like I said I’m really the wrong person to ask for book recs bc I only ever read fucked up and niche stuff that you definitely need to check the CW for first (and a lot of queer fantasy like these are all queer!)

But sure let me give you a tour through some of my fav book series!!!

The raven cycle/ the dreamer trilogy (4 books + an extra 3 (plus a short story)): CW (bc there are a few) my favourite book series,,, it’s all about vibes and the connection between family, friends, the world and your place in it. Ronan Lynch is my absolute fav character of all time omg there is no one like him!!!! 😭😭😭

some of my fav quotes:

“While I'm gone," Gansey said, pausing, "dream me the world. Something new for every night.”

“If you never saw the stars, candles were enough.”

“They were always walking away from him. But he never seemed able to walk away from them.”

“Trees in your eyes ... Stars in your heart.”

All for the game (4 books as of now but there will be another one): read the CW I’m so serious! this book series is like crack to me,,, Neil is such a little shit and funny main character! The way Andrew and Neil invented consent is revolutionary! Also heartbreaking twin brother relationship that has me on my knees (Aaron you deserve so much better I love you baby boy) also fucked up sport that is connected to the mafia (and so is every second character) last book is from Jean’s and Jeremy’s pov and that’s such a slay too tbh 🙂‍↔️

some book moments I always think about:

“You know, I get it. Being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court— yeah, sounds rough. Kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but I don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. Pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. So please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.”

“Who said 'please' that made you hate the word so much?" Andrew gazed at him in silence for a minute. "I did”

“Yes or no?” "It's always yes with you."

captive prince trilogy (3 books + short stories): CW again a lot of people don’t like the slave themes in the first book but then love the second and third which makes me think that they didn’t understand the story at all. the book with the main characters who’s horny despite all the shit that’s going on, Damen the man that you are!!! ALSO BITCHY BLOND WHO RUNS THE WORLD LAURENT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH (no fr Laurent is out here playing real life chess and Damen just stands by like “whatever you want sweetheart”)

these books are so unserious sometimes:

Laurent could inspire homicidal tendencies simply by breathing.

“Is there anyone at this court who isn't my enemy?" “Not if I can help it," Laurent said.”

Dark Rise trilogy (2 books and the third comes out soon,,,,, hopefully the cliffhanger is killing me): another book with a bitchy blond (James alone is enough reason to read this book) I left work early to continue reading this book and I think that all you need to know about this book! Also Will has never done anything wrong I love him so much!!! Some of the organizations in this frustrated me a lot tho like why are you so stupid????? (They deserved their fate I’m not even sorry)

this book has all the right themes and messages:

“I think what people were is less important than what they are. And what people are is less important than what they could be.”

“My whole life, all anyone's ever wanted was to possess me," said James. "The only one who ever set me free was you.”

“Kindness is never a mistake," said the Elder Steward. "Somewhere in the heart it is always remembered.”

Spell bound (stand alone): this is such a comfort read!!! So cozy! Enby representation around every corner, a door mat that likes to trip people, boy without magic learning how to use magic, emotionally unavailable person turns into a cat and snuggles with the love interest, THE POWER OF LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

the starless sea (stand alone): do you love books and reading? Then this is for you! Everything is connected and I mean EVERYTHING. So magical and cool and beautiful written. Had me spinning in circles while I was trying to connect all the dots (I didn’t connect shit)

this book speaks to me personally:

“Not all stories speak to all listeners, but all listeners can find a story that does, somewhere, sometime. In one form or another.”

“But the world is strange and endings are not truly endings no matter how the stars might wish it so.”

“A boy at the beginning of a story has no way of knowing that the story has begun.”

“Having a physical reaction to a lack of book is not unusual.”

“There is no fixing. There is only moving forward in the brokenness.”

I’ll stop here bc I fear I won’t shut up if I don’t. Yeah these are just some of my favs I do have more but I think these are also the ones you see me post about the most!

(sorry again that the other one was deleted, I tried my best to recreate it as best as I could!)

[im-fckn-threaded]

Heyo! I saw your post about RSD and tried to comment but Tumblr said "no," so I'm sending it as an ask, I guess. 😅 Not trying to be a creeper.

I took Focalin for a while (currently on a blend of Wellbutrin and Prozac, because it manages all parts of my AuDHD well). It helped with a lot of the symptoms of brain fog and executive dysfunction, but I haven't noticed much (if any) difference in my RSD. If anything, it gives you a tiny gap of space in between the painful impact and your reaction. So I get a (non-judgy) mental voice letting me know that while my feelings are real and valid, assigning extra meaning to the perceived rejection isn't helping me.

Silly example: getting a briefer text without all the required emojis and punctuation to let me know the other person isn't pissed at me.

This feels like a slap in the face OR like a hole ripped in my gut. And I can't do anything about that feeling. But what I can do is realize my brain is telling me that the other person is upset, that I've done something wrong, etc etc. My brain is telling me that, but the only objective information I have is "I got a short text." It's up to the other person to tell me that they're actually upset.

So to sum up:

1. Meds didn't make RSD feel better (for me), but it gave me some breathing space to choose some different reactions.

2. Validating the reaction for how scary or painful it is (the reaction is NOT stupid) is important.

3. Recognize the other bits that are contributing to why this particular thing feels so very bad.

4. Discard everything that is not super simply and objectively true.

I know we tend to be hyper intuitive and often right in our assumptions, but the bottom line is that that sh1t is not our business.

I'm interested to hear other people's behavioral recs!

No Problem! I don't know why you couldn't comment, sorry 😞 Maybe you are on your side blog or something (?). Anyway, that doesn't matter. Thanks for answering! I hope it's ok if I answer publicly.

What really bugs me about the whole RSD situation is, that objectively I know. My brain knows. That the person is just in a hurry, that it wasn't directed at me, that sometimes things upset people and you can't avoid negative reactions. That it is impossible to be everybody's darling. All that. But 5 minutes later I'm sitting in the corner, crying anyway. Like, bawling my eyes out. And that makes me feel incredibly immature, not being able to rationally go over my emotions and deal with them like an adult (like all the other adults) and instead cry, because a coworker told me I'm a bit loud sometimes. Which is exactly what happened today. I had to go home from work early (I'm fucking… in my mid 30s goddamn!!!! I'm a project manager!), because I was in tears and could't get a grip of myself. That coworker has never said anything remotely mean to me ever and I felt so betrayed. Why was he being all nice and stuff all the time, if he thought I was loud and obnoxious? I know that that is what adult people do. Talk about things. Make a joke or try do soften the blow of giving someone critique by wrapping it in a funny comment or a little quip. But that did not prevent me from dissolving in a complete melt down. And of course I feel so stupid for it. In hindsight, this whole situation is just hysterical. And additionally, I'm going to completely change the way I interact with that person in the future from now on. Not consciously, but yeah. Also I'm super scared to go back to work tomorrow. I feel humiliated by him saying I was obnoxiously loud sometimes and always had to comment everything, in front of all the other team members. And them agreeing, after I asked a few in private. I don't want to be seen at that place anymore. I'm so sure they've talked about me behind my back before that situation. There also is a 100% chance I'm making this up in my head and actually everyone already forgot. Except me. I'm sitting here all paranoid and puffy-eyed, sniffling like an idiot about things that can't be changed anymore.

Thanks for sharing your insights! I actually feel better now. I'm a bit sad to hear, that medication didn't help you. I don't want to self-diagnose too much, but I was reading a bit about RSD and medication and how treating the ADHD through medication can affect the RSD positively. But we'll see.

[pebblysand]

Heyyyy im dying for an update on castles!! Any hope of getting one soon?😭💗

hi anon! thanks for your message! the tl;dr answer to this is: no.

or, i don't know. maybe? sigh. it's just been a lot lately.

it's a funny one, you know? most of you will not remember this, but there used to be a time when i would share (maybe overshare - is that a word? i've always wondered why that is a word when it's your platform and your rules and people can just choose to ignore you) on tumblr. not just about fics and writing and peaky blinders, but also about me. the stuff i felt. the stuff that was going on in my life. lots of things.

i grew up in an era of blogging and livejournal (seeing dreamwidth make a comeback lately is oh-so-bizarre, btw) where people opened up online - sometimes too much. this was before doxxing, before cancel culture, before it became dangerous to do so. people would complain about their jobs, their mates - the internet was an outlet. and, i don't know if it was better or worse, i'm not here to make value judgements and i've always thought people who say "things were better in my day" sound like absolute twats, but it was undoubtedly different. i've had this conversation with someone on discord lately, about the dreamwidth comeback actually, when this person said: 'people get real personal on there, though' and i was like: 'yeah, i suppose it's just the culture of the place.' a place where, unlike tumblr and everything that came after it, most of the content produced was through words, rather than images. when the internet was still made for writers and you weren't afraid of "clogging" someone's dash with posts that were too long to be digested in less than ten seconds.

the thing is: i like writing. it makes it easier to organise thoughts. and, up to 2020 (2021, even) i used to post monthly updates on my writing, but also about my life, for you. remember how i told you when i passed my bar exam? how i quit my job, found another job, and then another one. i told you about the boy and hinted at my break-up. i told you about how one of my best friends sank into a very toxic relationship, from which i couldn't save her. i told you when my dad died. it wasn't even that long ago. and, i explained to you that for these reasons, and maybe others, i didn't have a chapter out as early as i would have liked. and, you understood. you were kept up with what was going on. it was the pandemic and a different time.

but then, gradually (oh-so-quickly and oh-so-slowly), "you" became "many." i like that word - "many" - it's what my hairdresser said the first time she cut my hair: "they are very fine, but there are very, very, many of them." i suppose that between the first chapter of castles and the latest, my follower count grew into the hundreds and i got - well, scared. scared to share: what i thought, why i wasn't posting, how much or how little i was writing, how i was feeling. because there were too many of you. because i started to hold myself up to higher standards, too.

the truth is that no one wants to listen to anyone on the internet complain. it's not fun. and, specifically, no one wants to listen to fanfiction writers complain. why would they? why would they moan about how busy they are? about how creatively drained they might be? about how maintaining a healthy balance between real life, a job, and writing, is hard, if you do it seriously. because it's a hobby. because it's not "real" writing. because it doesn't matter.

well, anon, i'll tell you something. the voice in my head, it goes like this: why are you tired? it's just fanfiction. stop taking yourself and your little stupid story so seriously. stop thinking this is Important because you're writing about something you feel is important. no one cares. and: you only wrote 80,000 words last year, people write full-blown nanos in a month, calm down. it's not that bad, you don't have children. it's not that bad, you don't have dying parents. it's not that bad, you have money. you're a white cis privileged girl who can afford to spend her free time on writing because you don't have to work multiple paying jobs to foot the bills. so many people do. people who are much busier than you write a lot more than you do. shut up, what are you crying about? why are you responding to this poor anon with anything other than "soon, i hope." they weren't even mean about it.

and, i like the word "many" because it encompasses the realness of it, the repetition of it. many, many, many. it's less theoretical than "a lot". you can't say: a lot, a lot, a lot. it's morning as i write this, irish drizzle blown in by the wind against my window, thin droplets like static and i wonder: could i isolate thirty thousand? count up to thirty thousand little drops of rain against glass and imagine what that would look like as people. that's a small stadium, isn't it? and, it's also almost how many people have clicked on castles, in the past three years. it's also how many people, in my head, are telling me to just suck it up and write the next chapter. it's been a month already, hasn't it?

to tell you the truth, i still overshare with some people. there's a very small discord i'm on which is more like a group chat with my best internet friends. it's a lot of fun. and, i'm not going to tag them here for fear that you might come at them with pitchforks, but after i was explaining this to them, how exhausted and drained and lost i've been feeling lately, i had some, last week, tell me i should just give up castles. just stop, recharge, take care of myself. it's just a fic, it doesn't matter. let it go, you know?

so, yeah. you read that right, anon dearest. people who i really love, and trust, told me i should put your beloved on an indefinite hiatus and move on with my life. how's that for an update? and, they didn't say it in a "this is a bad fic and it's not worth continuing" kind of way, but in a "it's not worth working yourself into the ground" kind of way. in a "fanfiction is a hobby" kind of way.

i typically count years from september to august (i'm still in school, in my head, sue me) and this past one has been long and hard. for reasons that i won't explain because of the "very many" issue i mentioned above. for reasons that i also won't explain because as i also mentioned above, i can't help but always compare myself to people who have it worse. but, the fact of the matter is that whilst i'm not really asking for sympathy, i do want to say this, as i hope it will help provide a bit of context to how i'm feeling right now, in terms of writing.

anon dearest, i'm exhausted. i'm bored. i'm turning thirty in 24 days. i'm sick and tired of putting everything in my life on hold "until i finish castles". i would estimate that right now (and for the past three years) castles has eaten up about 75% of my free time. i think the first couple years, i didn't really mind. because it was the pandemic. because there wasn't much else i wanted to do. but now, when i see my friends, i try to schedule it on weekday evenings because i want to keep my weekends for writing. when i travel at the weekends, take holidays, do anything that will take me more than a couple hours, it's a compromise made against writing time. a compromise i often feel guilty about because it delays the next update and because ultimately, it delays the moment when i do finish castles. when i am able to move on to something else. move on with my life and also maybe another story of my own.

these past few months, i wrote almost every day from late march until last week because i knew i'd be going home to france in august and wouldn't be able to write there, so i needed to get ahead. everything in my life is planned around writing and updating and i'm a little bit burnt out, anon. it's typical summer me, nothing to really worry about, i felt the same last year (those who were already here will remember) but it doesn't make it suck less. and, that's why people are telling me to give up. because i keep getting stuck in this cycle of overworking myself, getting burnt out, taking a month off and diving back in again. it's fanfiction and it's a hobby and it's meant to be fun and it's just not fun anymore. it feels endless and draining and like a vampire eating my "good" years. time my mates are spending getting married and having children. and, even if i don't think that's what i want for myself, precisely, i still don't feel like the life i'm currently living is one i want to be living in five years' time.

i don't want to be exhausted. i don't want to be working all the time. this groundhog day of getting up, opening up my (work, or personal) laptop, deliveroo-ing my meals, working until 9:30 pm, and repeat. i have seven chapters left to go to the end, which will take 12 to 18 months, and i don't think i can go on like this for another year. i don't want to. something's gotta give: my IRL life, my job, or this "hobby", and it is logical (oh-so-logical) that it should be the latter.

and, yet. when my pocket friends suggested this, i came at them with pitchforks. i said: no. no, no, no, no. i can't give up. i don't want to give up. i love this story. it's unnerving and draining and exhausting, but haven't touched it for a week and i already miss it - it's crazy. and, it's true: it's not fun, but writing, to me, has never been "fun". it's: fulfilling, exhilarating, meaningful, it gives me the chills and a sense of peace but it's not "fun". i don't know who the fuck writes for "fun". you can enjoy things that aren't "fun", you know? i definitely do.

and, if i had to pick one thing to give up on that list, honestly, it would be my job - 100%. i'd finish castles in six months, if i could give that up. but, i can't, lovely anon. because fanfic doesn't pay. because writing doesn't pay. and whilst i do have a savings account that i intend to use someday to take time off to write, i don't think i could justify using it for anything other than original fiction. because at least, there would be a tiny bit of hope that the book might get picked up and i could make my money back. i can't, like, quit my job to write fanfiction, can i? even if i did set up a patreon, i doubt you all would want to fund me, lol.

so, i don't know. i don't know what to do, anon. i don't want to give up castles. realistically, i probably won't. realistically, i'm probably going to keep ploughing through and overworking myself and feeling like i'm throwing my youth and my free time away into this project that everyone will most likely forget the moment it is finished. right now, to answer your question, i have about 6,000 words on the new chapter. right now, i'm also taking august off writing. to recharge, to sleep, and only write if i feel like it. later? i don't know. i think i'm in a place where i've just got 30,000 words out in three months and i'm too brain-dead to think clearly. i am acutely aware that this issue doesn't have a solution (or at least one that i like) but i might be more willing to compromise my life again after a bit of rest and holidays.

anyway, sorry for being a debbie downer, anon. and sorry i don't have an update for you. i'm dying for one, too.

[xerith-42]

There is no normal to return to.

I'm going to return to normal, or as normal as I usually am on this blog. But that won't stop me from talking about this. I have quite a few reblogs and posts queued up to give some important thoughts I had while I was away in regards to... my usual content. But I also still have plenty of posts about Palestine and the ongoing situation, and I'll be doing everything I can to stagger updates on the funny haha block man stuff, and the actually serious stuff.

If there's another strike called for, I will likely participate in it. Maybe this means my content will be inconsistent and kinda... bursty I guess? But I'll take the hit to my usual stuff and just spend more time on it if I have to. I had fun over the winter break, but life is picking back up anyways. I'm not really returning to normal, I'm shifting to a new normal. And talking about this conflict and the ongoing situation will become part of this new normal for as long as it has to.

I was honored to see the kind of reach my words could have, and I appreciated the amount of people who engaged with my content for possibly the first and last time. Depends on if I have more wildly intense thesis' about the situation to share (I probably will). There's always a part of me that wants to resist "getting too political" but then I remember I'm a dyed hair multi pronouned genderfuck with revolutionary ideas like "people should just get to live their lives however they want without the threat of violence, oppression, or actual genocide." Just some crazy wokeist ideology that totally doesn't bleed out from my creative works at all.

Because my experiences with fiction and the real world don't influence each other at all. Not even a little.

I've had quite a few social media accounts become pretty politicized or even start that way unintentionally, mostly because I started social media accounts centered around art. And all art is political. All art is personal. All art is influenced by politics and by people. That's how art always has and always will exist. So I really shouldn't be surprised this would happen when I got onto Tumblr.

I don't mean to suddenly bear my soul and go on some vague esoteric rant about my state of existence in a system of systems designed to harm me placed onto one of many infinite planets capable of creating life in our ever expansive universe, but that's just how I am. That's just how humans are. My spaces are always going to become political because I as a person am politicized. Our world is politicized. We are politicized from the moment of our inception. From the moment that someone becomes aware of our life the decisions made about it are endlessly wrapped up in the collective of politics even if we are but one measly part of that greater or worse collective.

Even something as seemingly unimportant as Minecraft Roleplays are deeply personal and political pieces of art and unique life shaping experiences. Never let someone tell you that you're being "too political" because in our endlessly politicized world, that's like telling someone that they're being "too human". It's not annoying to care. It's not too political to care.

TLDR: Art is political, everything is political, and even if you plan on "returning to normal", know that you should instead adjust what you define as "normal" to include pertinent issues and be ready to adapt to it. People want you to believe that disruptions won't work, but money and numbers talk. Disruptions to core systems of the western society work. Never underestimate that. Maybe you couldn't do a lot for this one, but keep your eyes out for the next one. Set aside a few bucks to donate. Read some of the reports about the ongoing conflict from ethical sources unafraid to speak to the real atrocities. Even little things can add up.