#tumblr hasnt been a Social media to me as of late

[enbyblades]

oh wow thats quite a few asks built up. hiiiii

[fortunately-bi]

God after that rant in the tags I really do miss old Tumblr. Like not just for the nsfw stuff but also like, I miss all of the people I used to follow who disappeared and I never found. I miss the stuff I can't find anymore because it got unfairly nuked during the ban, I miss not having ads, I miss not having weird layouts and random blogs pushed on me and Tumblr live giving me heart attacks every time I think I accidentally clicked one. Like for a long while this site was just left alone with the occasional update and different color of blue and we all just kinda existed(at least that's how my dash looked). Tumblr feels like walking into a house I used to live in but now someone else lives there and they painted the walls a different color they changed a bunch of things. Like it's still the same layout, there's still things that pop up sometimes that poke at the nostalgia but it just feels weird.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

"i can certainly understand why you would think the concept of tons of people knowing your amazon reviews would be embarrassing, but quite frankly, almost all of the topics we discuss here would make us uncomfortable if it was about us."

That is true. But i think there is a difference between discussing things within a circle of people that won't really leave the platform, like the anon discussions on your blog, and people sharing stuff on tiktok to go viral. We know that most things discussed here probably will never reach Evan unless he or his friends chooses to search his hashtag on Tumblr, which i doubt they do. It's different however when there is certain information circulating on every social media platform and private info boiling up to the surface. I think the likelihood of his sister, family friends or Haley seeing it is much bigger and idk... i would feel mortified. I feel like we are too comfortable seeing Evan as a celebrity and expecting him to endure privacy invasions because of that. He is a celebrity but he is a human first of all, who enjoys acting and sadly his profession comes along with being a public figure. However he isn't like most celebrities, he hates the public part of it and he values his privacy very much. He just wants to be a normal guy and is doing everything so he can continue living his life as a normal guy. I'd like to say again that I'm not blaming anybody for posting the information. He should have been more careful in the first place and not share his Spotify name with Frances, but sadly it's too late and he wasn't taking that into account. The thing that gives me the most discomfort is that this information is floating around uncontrollably and will likely find its way to Evan one way or another (if it hasnt already) and i just know it's going to give him the biggest freak out and my heart can't take it.

a couple of things:

1. i’m not really sure what you mean when you say you believe certain things stay within this platform. most people who have tumblr also have other social media, so it stands to reason that things will circulate from time to time. i genuinely wonder how evan or his friends and family would know about anyone discussing his spotify or his amazon profile, or really anything about him without searching for fan discussions. if i asked someone outside of fandom, who never visited any fan pages, about evan peters spotify profile they would be clueless. i think you're viewing this like evan and his social media burner accounts are somehow just outside of the circle of his fandom, and it would be easy for him to accidentally stumble onto this stuff; in reality, if he does not engage, that would be like saying because i have a twitter account i know what happens in pedro pascal's fandom. i have no fucking clue what anyone knows or doesn't know about him because i am not in any way affiliated. unless evan, his friends or his family purposely interact with fandom this information is not on anyone else's radar besides those of us who are super interested in evan peters. but if they seek it out, then it stands to reason that they will see things that are likely to make them uncomfortable. i'm sure it would not be pleasant for anyone near him to view the conversations we have about the domestic violence situation, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to broach that topic. if anything, i do wonder why are you not more bothered by that than evan's amazon reviews? not attacking you, i'm genuinely curious because to me, one is so much more sensitive than the other

2. evan's spotify being discovered precedes frances. i don't place any blame on evan for sharing it with anybody, it's reasonable to share your spotify with friends or family or your girlfriend.

3. i understand and find it respectable how much evan lives his life like a normal dude. however, he is not you or i. we live average, normal lives with jobs that do not make us of interest to the public. no matter how humble, evan’s career as an actor has made him a multi-millionaire and given him the many wonderful life perks that come with that. the downside is that you will not enjoy the privacy that a normie like myself gets. fans finding your amazon reviews might be embarrassing or weird, but i don’t think it should cause any deep emotional turmoil. especially because there is nothing literally tying it to evan, neither is his spotify account. he could easily deny it and just say this is a weird fan theory, because we have no literal proof it’s his.

finally, i totally get that your comments are just coming from a place of concern that evan would be made uncomfortable to see us discussing these things, i am not taking it as a condemnation or you trying to shame folks. and i am not in the business of policing anyone's feelings. if that's what you feel, it's valid. the premise of this blog is, by nature, intrusive. as respectful as we may aim to be, discussing a stranger's personal life is still an intrusion in most peoples' eyes. i am of the opinion that when you become a celebrity, interest in your personal life is a part of the fame package that you do not get to opt out of. there's always positives and negatives in anything you do. i hate getting up early, but my job requires that i am available in the morning most days. i have a fruitful career that affords me financial freedom and a lifestyle i enjoy; so i will get my butt up in the AM despite not enjoying that part, because i feel the good far outweighs the bad. i know there's plenty of aspects to evan's career he probably doesn't love, but the good outweighs the bad for him.

and ultimately.. this is a gossip blog. i have utmost respect for evan and a deep fondness for him as a person and an actor, but at the end of the day, i do not know him personally and i can't really say what he would or wouldn't feel. but i have a feeling he wouldn't love the premise of a gossip blog dedicated to him.

[bushmonsterr]

so i know its been awhile since i last posted something since for somewhat reason, tumblr hasnt been working for me very well so i kinda stopped using it. And I just gotta be honest, tumblr is a little bit overwhelming lately. Can’t tell you the specific reason bcs its a lil personal so im just gonna stop there haha. And I kinda went on by just using one social media for awhile (which is instagram) where i’ve been focusing more on original stuff there so if you’re interested please do go check it out! But now i feel like im (kindof) ready to try and post again here. I’m extremely sorry for the asks thats been laying on the inbox sitting there untouched. I also apologize for not answering messages for those who did try to contact. i’ll answer all of them after i post this. Thanks for reading 💖💖

[mew-mew-mothertrucker]

Fresh avoc a do - patriciaaaa

Fresh avoc a do : what is your favorite take-out?

uhhhh There’s a mexican place that I love down the street form me (but I freaking love mexican food so)

Merry crisis : what do you like the most during Christmas ?

Not being at school tbh 

I never went to oovoo javer : uber, taxi, car, bus, train, walk, skate?

Car or walk

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell : which school subject do you like the most?

english

Hi welcome to chilli’s : How do you relax?

Watching T, writing, playing music, listening to music, reading fanfiction

Adam.. : Do you have a best-friend(s)? If yes what’s your favorite thing abt them?

Uh

Nope

I don’t know how 2 read : What’s your favorite book?

ooooo Either Beautiful Music for Ugly People or Night Angels

Wow : Do you have a crush right now?

nope

And they were roommates : Who did you call the most?

My mom

Barbecue sauce on my titties : Last time your laughed hard?

Uhhhhhhhh i dont remeber

I can’t swim : When is your birthday?

In a week (June 5th)

Country boy i love you : Biggest shame?

the fanfiction on my old compouter which hasnt been booted up in like 4 years

It’s gonna be me : Which song do you blast full volume lately?

Caraphernelia by PTV

I spilt lipstick in your valentino bag : Biggest prank to your mom?

I’ve never done once my grandma gave her mom a box of frogs for mother’s day and

Hurricane doritella : Favorite junk food?

Sea Salt and Vinegar chips

I’m joHN CENA : Can you play any instruments or can you sing?

I can place several instruments and apparently i cna sing but i think i sound like a pig

Look at all those chickens : Do you have any pets? What’s their names?

1 mouse - Poppy

1 snake - Monty

3 cats - Tinky, Rain, and Mookitty

1 dog - Oscar

Chris is that a weed ? : Did you ever smoked?

Yeah

That’s my opinion : When was your latest fight? And what was the reason?

uhh 

This morning I had a fight with my mom on if I let the dog in or not but then he came up when we squeaked his ball so i won

Who want lasagna : what’s your favorite food?

Tacos

I won’t hesitate bitch : Do you hate someone?

Nope

Can i get a waffle : What’s your favorite desserts?

Cheesecake or Tres Leches Cake (3 milk cake)

Where’s the lizard : What’s your favorite myth?

Uhh i forgot the name but there’s like a greek myth that a girl and a boy lived next to eachother and were in love but ther familys said no so they ended up talking through a hole in the wall that seperated their houses and they said to meet by a tree and then the girl got ther first, ran away from a lion that was all bloody and the lion got the girls scarf so the boy thought she was dead and killed himself then she came back, kissed him and then killed herself

so

romeo and juliet before romeo and juliet but also less death of side charecters

B i c t h : What color do you really want to dye your hair?

it’s a dark red right now and i like it like that

Don’t tell mom : Are you planning on getting tattoos/ piercings? which ones?

uhhh I wanna get a few tattoos and another lip peircing

Is that allowed : Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid, what was its name? What does it look like?

Uhhh it was a small black and white striped cat with a red ribbon on it’s neck named LG

Marie is that the police : Do you drink alcohol?

Sometimes

Okay : what’s something that made you smile today ?

anon AJ! 

What the fuck is up kyle : Which social media do you use more?

Tumblr

Woeva threw dat paper ur moms a hoe : Are you close to your parents?

Kinda

I’m washing me and my clothes : How would you describe your style?

Punk Nerd

Kumbaya my lord : What’s your opinion about socks ? do you like wearing weird socks ? Do you sleep with it?

I dont have an opinion? I like weird socks and i dont sleep with them on 

Bitch i hope tf you do : Are you the wine mom or vodka aunt?

Vodka Uncle

Stop i could’ve dropped my croissant : Are you easy to scare? If yes, when was the scariest moment?

Kinda

I don’t get to sleep cause of y’all : Do you sleep on your back side or stomach?

Side

I love you bitch : When do you feel the most confident?

never

i’m a girafe : If you could be a mythical creature, which would you be?

Chimera

Zac stop : Are/ were you good in school?

I was at first

Now

nope

Try me bitch : Tell us something we don’t know about you

My frist boyfriend was in the 5th grade and his nick name was ET

It’s pikachu : Latest awkward moment?

my entire life

That was legitness : What’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

“SAVE THE CAKE!” 

When life gives you lemon : What do you study? /What is your job?

neither of these apply to me

Caterpillar rave : Do you like to party?

nope

Hahaha i do that : How do you take your coffee/ tea?

I take tea plain and  idont drink a lot of coffee

Boi has his free tacos : Have you ever stole something?

Uh

Gum from someone

Shawty i don’t mind : What’s your favorite song?

there’s too many

Patriciaaaa : Myer briggs type, zodiac sign and Hogwarts house ?I

INTP, Gemini, Slytherin

[felidfannibal]

Aight so the discussion of attention on creative content in fandom has come up in my social sphere a couple times again lately (as it tends to do like, once a week lol) and I wanted to go over my.... understanding of the “way things work” on media platforms and such. 

this got really really long and is a lot of words sorry if its hard to read!!! (i added some spacing to make it a little less rough on the eyes)

I don’t have any degree pertinent to like, social media or marketing or anything but I’ve been on tumblr specifically for..... yikes like.. 7.. maybe 8 years on and off? I’m not a fandom “elder” or anything, im fairly young and i dont have much history with like, fanfiction.net or the older forums and yada yada. So, take this all with that in mind. 

Tumblr has changed a lot, but honestly, the content consumption... hasnt really. Only marginally. enough to be noticeable yes, but... its not anything that isnt... new, to me. Fans will find a way to find content. Ultimately, wether or not you get attention for your content, is ENTIRELY up to how much attention you want, and how hard you push to get it. 

Now, that isnt me hoisting the “blame” on artists or writers, I’m just saying that the tools to get attention are in your ball park, consumers only have so many ways to reach you. So how carefully you utilize these tools is what determines the attention you get. Its a MARKET and you have to manipulate the shit out of it. Thats how this stuff works. Its awkward and unfortunate in a lot of ways... but it’s very much a game of strategy. If you want it to be. And I actually DONT do a lot of these things, because I swing wildly between wanting validation and wanting no one to ever interact with me ever again lmfao. And its a lot of work. 

okay so, what are these tools?

1) Tags. (and search function) Probably the BIGGEST tool in your box that is stable and fairly consistent in the way it works. Tag your works with the intention of reaching the biggest audience. There are posts out there that will explain it more in depth, but with tumblr constantly changing how things work it’s a little hard to keep up with it... But basically; 

first 5 tags are your most important, they are track-able, searchable, etc.

as long as there aren’t external (non tumblr) links in your post, the /SEARCH section of tumblr will catalog original posts both from their TAGS and their CAPTION CONTENT- this means if in this text box you write “cookies are great” but you only tag it with “#yaaas” and someone searches cookies, your post might show up! So a relevant CAPTION is just as important as those tags! Use both, with different words, to maximize searchability! I’d prioritize tags, because old-tumblr-folks might just manually go into /tagged/cookies because the search function is kind of annoying, and they wont see those caption tracked posts. 

i think its 20 tags that your blog will have as searchable within your own blog, but honestly searching blogs has never been particularly reliable so, idk. As long as you go most to least relevant while tagging, youre on the right track.

also, dont tag ship hate or include tags that you DONT want your post in. INCLUDING caption if you can help it. This is why you see people sabotaging words with punctuation or awkward spacing, its to keep it out of the hands of search functions. (ie; being like “i love co.okies” or smthn.) 

2) Timing. Unpredictable, hard to get used to, even less logical with new filter systems and shit. just... fucking.. idk. wing it. hope it works.  Basically my point here is usually; the note count on your post relies entirely on building a momentum. It needs to hit little “bursts” of notes often enough to keep it alive. If it dies right out of the gate... it can be hard to build that momentum. It works best when you JUST SO HAPPEN to get reblogged on the right blogs, at the right time. Theres not much you can do to like, ensure this happens. But its really one of those things that just.. if it happens, youre golden. if it doesnt..... well fuck. lol. 

3) on that note; note count. For some odd reason, humans just seem less likely to reblog something with less notes. Which is ironic and frustrating. Once its built up a little cushion, its a lot easier for people to be like “oh, reblogging this isnt risky, ima do it! other people like it too!” it makes sense, but its also kind of funny and infuriating as a creator cause ur like U LIKE IT, JUST REBLOG IT???? but alas, humans are humans. So, boosting those smaller note count works is REALLY nice. Do it when you can. be the trend setter!!! 

4) Direct Engagement. Building relationships is the like. fucking.... idk. pinnacle marketing strategy and just best thing in the whole world. Every single business class, marketing thing, anything trying to get attention, NEEDS a stable social circle. And as much as it is a manipulative marketing strategy, it is that BECAUSE thats what we need as PEOPLE, THAT is why it works. Make friends. Make friends naturally. Foster relationships. Try your damn hardest for it. I suck at this personally, im ridiculously antisocial. But like, commenting on other peoples works, saying hi, wishing people happy birthdays, just ENGAGING with people, directly feeds peoples happy meters. And if they like you, they are more likely to want to love and support you!! hell yea! all the love!! Which means, basically you can rely on those people to at least BOOST your stuff, even if they dont like it personally. which is an AMAZING THING. So yes. make friends. they’re great. I love the people who stick with me and try to be friends. and that isnt the sneaky marketing talking... im actually really bad at it so i cherish every single person who tries xD But yes this is highly effective. If you have enough friends, and they happen to be high profile friends even, you could magically get more notes then the best tagged work. miracles. i hate it. its hard. LOL.

5) Exploit trends and big fandoms. Like I said, if you want to be big... you can get really strategic about it. If you make work for a fandom that is ~500 active people strong (hannibal) or a fandom that is ~10,000 people strong.... you’re going to see a RIDICULOUS jump in activity. And im not saying like, you have to pretend to like stuff. I’m just sayingthat like, diversifying your content isnt always a bad idea. I segregate my fandom content off onto blogs because I like the organization, but if i was smart about it i WOULDNT. Because a blog that progresses through fandoms naturally will gain followers from every fandom that stick around. a lot will leave as you change fandoms, but a LOT will stay. Because assuming you’ve done the previous thing, they now look at you fondly. They like your work, your personality, your style. So they might tolerate art from other fandoms. And you’re fandoms might sync up again. so diversifying is a great way to build a strong following. and that goes not just for fandoms, but for in-fandom trends and stuff to. If you can manage to sneak in something that is relatable now and again, that is on the top of peoples radars, even if its cheesy, it adds a little burst of activity to your page. Keeps things fresh. 

6) Keepin things fresh! Stagnation is a bitch to steady activity. Consistently, actively, posting content, even if its not like, your main attention getters, keeps people engaged. So if you can MANAGE TO. Posting like, a big art/fic a month, with a few smaller things every week, and a text post every day or so- will keep you in peoples heads. Out of sight, out of mind. If you’re around a lot, you’re feeding peoples brains positive associations (assuming you’re not posting negative stuff i guess) its like a “oh! hi! friend!” dose. Very effective at maintaining engagement on an individual level. 

7) Reblog your work! especially with tumblrs new algorithms, its hard to catch everyone at a “prime time” so space out a few reblogs of your work, occasionally pop an old work back up with a “hey remember this” because you never know who is going to see it for the first time. Or maybe a second time, and realize they didnt reblog it before. Or maybe its their 4th time seeing it today but you’ve finally caught them at an awake enough moment theyre like “oh yea reblog button exists” (i do that a lot..... please spam me with your work im tired and forgetful) oR maybe they just REALLY LOVE that thing and will reblog it AGAIN because YES. 

8) on that, also, post to other platforms! Works best if you actually stagger the posts. I dont cause i forget to post shit if i do but. yea. Also, cross linking. Not necessarily on the post itself, but having CLEAR OBVIOUS links to places you WANT people to go, on your various platforms is VERY VERY SMART. Be that including your twitter on your tumblr, or a shop, or whatever. Make it as EASY AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE for viewers to be intrigued by other things that are YOU. 

9) Do! What! You! Love! Fandom content is an easy in. People love the characters already, they KNOW stuff about those characters, they have head cannons, emotional connections. So that ground work is already done. BUT!!! if you’re making anything that ISNT already an established, well loved thing, YOU have to build up that relationship. Which means you cant just draw your original character standing there giving a thumbs up one time and expect people to love them.  You love them, because you KNOW them. So you gotta let your audience know them!!! which means drawing their personality, their history, how they interact with people and things, what makes them so lovable?! people want! to! know!!!! Its rough but its literally like building a friendship between you and another human, you have to do the same thing with your characters. they have to have substance! intractability!  It applies to things that arent characters too, like, if you display and explain your love for something, people are out there who want to share that vibe. You just gotta be loud and be proud and just fuckin go for it. 

//end// my attention span is officially fried though so i might come back and add more later.... but i gotta give up on this for now cause my train of thought just crashed completely lol. 

point being; you can manipulate your market if you pay attention! Or you can also not. Cause it is hard sometimes. But seriously like, attention on your “products” has VERY LITTLE to do with the quality or effort put into the work itself, and a lot more with how effectively you manipulate people. I mean look at how shitty products sell in the real life market place. half of them are garbage. but you get brand loyalty and being strategic and sneaky and like, suddenly every damn person needs it. So why not do the same with your PROBABLY GOD DAMN AMAZING products. 

[edmartinsta]

Nice To Think I’m Still On Here

Woah has life changed since this. Tumblr is my first place I ever published anything and posted anything before Facebook and Twitter were even a thing for me. I cant tell you how excited I am to know that from here on out I can log in and continue something special to my heart. My posts are a little here and there so I hope I dont scare you away or weird you out or make it boring. From this moment I’ll try to continue my content through here where I know only one person will actually know to find me and no one else haha. To those that may not know me so well I used to be a music blog where I would talk about so much stuff until I realized I wanted to make a website. This was more of a private thing and actually more public than it is now with Tumblr’s popularity back in 2010ish when everyone I thought was cool owned a Tumblr. I guess I can’t blame them I left for a long time this and fell off hard even though I probably could have done something pretty cool with it by now or used it to help me on my other things. 

Little update: I left high school in 2013 so not much after the music posts I remember stopping this and maybe continuing it here and there, After there I went to community college where I ended up making lost of memories which im sure I’ll have plenty of time reminiscing with you guys, I then moved to Chicago to follow my dreams as a designer and stayed out there for about four years. Was amazing and could have been better if I planned better and actually could get a job out there that was laidback as I was a pretty tardy asshole to my employers. I wasnt late by hours but I was late often and if that didnt get me fired I would simply quit and never show my face there again. It was a mess, I was a mess, everything was fucked up but everything was also new and fascinating. I dont regret any of it. Now its been years since college and sadly I never finished with a semester remaining. That was a terrible day for my mother I could see she wanted to yell and cry because I told her I got expelled basically from art school for flunking. Man that was a terrible situation I tried to tell people I really tried my best was just a reckless kid who could never get any sleep and was always thinking of what to do and not doing the stuff. Ugh I get upset just thinking about it. So much time wasted. But I suppose I at least realize it now....also that I still dont regret it, it shapes us these failures. im 25 now and soon to be 26 and honestly I’m scared shitless. I feel like i never saved anything, never built credit, havent gone on a date in years, havent gone to eat with friends more than five times in six years, have broken almost everything I own in some sort of way. i dont eat correctly all the time, i dont exercise to keep the figure i used to have less than two years ago. I started college senior year of high school and somehow still screwed up the process and fell behind over and over again and even got screwed by the education system and now have tons of debt which im barely getting out of because of my amazing mom who is also the most toxic person in my life. Man........i know I look bad i know i suck.....im not perfect in any way.....I lost my way..........I know my way back and what I gotta do but........that time ill never get back. Ive never had a stable job in my life for god sake. Ugh I hope I dont come off as a failure I feel it completely but I dont want to be one. I have done so much in my life and met amazing people that honestly makes it all worth something but damn my heart........I don’t want to blame anyone but myself. My parents werent the best educated and still scares me to think I was so alone when I was younger that even my parents only talked to me to put me down and still kinda do but now we can carry a conversation and bond a smidge...im 25......

This quickly turned into something more than just a update I got caught up. But I want to take this extra step in my life to document on here most of my thoughts and things as I used to back before high school culture was no more for me. To Christina.....if you read this at all...just know the only thing over the past couple years on my mind has been you if not my purpose in this life..my life....has been nothing short of terrible since we last talked and yeah I had a ton of good luck too and am blessed to say the least but the man I said I wanted to become just hasnt happened yet. I let myself go for a bit...but now I want to show the world and you...that the past couple years didnt just happen for nothing....there is so much, so fucking much I got planned and been planning for that I just hope you see why it took so long. My time will come..and maybe one day we can talk and laugh about all this because you were one of the most memorable people ever to cross paths with and even though we barely text each other anymore I hope one day we can be good friends again. Im sure we all been so busy surviving. 

To those who got this far I really didnt expect anyone to finish this. It was a huge ramble. But I hope you can see I came a bit moody into the post but also with hope and excitement that Tumblr will be my home again for getting away from social media. Its been almost two years since I posted on Facebook and I dont use instagram as much anymore so ill be on here :D message me if anyone wants to be friends or anyone who may relate heck anyone who thinks they wanna be friends haha penpals that maybe have art side to them too??? hahah okay thats all bye everyone <3

[pr1nc3-ed]

i felt like i really had to do a vent

hey everyone... just posted this on my twitter but i also want to share it here since i kinda bet some ppl are wondering why i haven’t been so active and whats been going on... Idk sometimes i feel like i've been burnout from social media or staying online too much... been kinda inactive in tumblr for an example along with facebook, where my profile hasnt been active for months probably? not to mention msgs who have been left without replies too.. same for talking to people, where i... only talk to a few ones while many are still waiting for my long replies (or not even that longer) and i feel very fucking guilty of this tbh i'm trying to cope while watching tv (i fall asleep more often than watching tho) or playing on PS3 but ehh idk if it will go so far, especially since im probably going back to the old sedentary life style i had and this is really bad, i wouldnt be surprised if I gained more weight during august and september... after all the shit i did these last 2 years to be healthier and lose weight i dont even get the urge to work out, jog or something else too, i only go out if, what, a friend invites me to hang out or visit him/her and if that wasnt enough, university just scares me and makes me anxious again like it used to be, its been a while since i've been really there when it comes to being present... yeah things have been bad for me lately, both mentally and.. irl too i guess its even worse when my parents and pretty much anyone in the family have been down due to grandmother (my dad's mom) in the hospital :/  and like i can get very emotional and worried when ppl close to me are sad or cry, so seeing my father like this made me feel the same yeah, things for me and everyone around weren't good sorry for filling your feed with personal stuff, i felt like i had to let it all out, something that i also did very often with my psychologist and i even had an emergency session with her recently when i asked for it

[gothicprep]

i know a few of yall will remember this but abt two years ago i used to be Very Close w this girl who did diy music & had a fairly substantial following for it. in summer 2015 she more or less ceased communication w me for rzns that still sort of remain to be seen, & would come out of the woodwork every few months saying that a lot had happened and promising to eventually clarify when she got out of the hot water she was in, which never ended up happening... not too long afterwards, i found out that she was basically lying to me abt pretty much every detail of her life & it rly fucked me up for a long time, but after a while had passed i sort of reconciled that it wasn’t anything personal, that she’s a compulsive liar among a lot of other worse things... anyway i guess im a little late to the party but i saw she put something up on her tumblr abt how she wasnt going to be using it anymore, her twitter is gone, and she hasnt appeared to have been active anywhere else since it was deleted... i can’t help but wonder what happened lmfao bc she was beginning to attention from people who were Actually pretty big names in music (like grimes promoted something of hers & was following her on a few of her social media profiles). it spells intervention to me but i dnt, like, actually know

[handslows]

Pretty sure no one should be tolerating the beards when we know how nasty Eleanor was especially towards Harry and then the story of how Danielle basically forced herself on Louis in public came out (plus, if you stick to the narrative, she did cheat on him), and to me both those girls are ugly since they chose to help closet a person. So yeah there's really no reason to be tolerating either of them

ok but like. listen.

this is gonna be long because yall are exhausting me and miss the point every fucking time

i never liked eleanor bc she was annoying and said nasty things about fans and larries and her friends were terrible esp. max. we only heard these bad stories about what she allegedly said about harry AFTER they broke up too. so i didnt particularly like her and she had done her fair share of bad shit across the years but that doesnt mean ppl can say shit about her looks?? which no one did btw. people were far kinder to eleanor than they ever been to danielle.

the thing with danielle is for months and months and months she NEVER said a single word about louis and never posted about him on social media and NEVER interacted with fans (still hasnt). she was just there. but people still spent HOURS talking shit about how bad her shoes and clothes and facial expression were. which was just super unnecessary and nasty. you can not like someone for the job they are doing but attacking a young woman for how she looks is just really fucking low. so i always stood out against that, against the completely unnecessary criticisms. because you know these were not personal criticisms against her, these people wouldve said more or less the same shit about any woman because they dont like what she represents. so yeah, it really fucking annoyed me.

i also lost followers and mutuals for being done with people’s bullshit. people kept projecting so many intentions on her like, people were legit talking like she was forcing herself into louis’ family house bc she was so ‘desperate’. some posts even sounded as if she tricked louis into taking a pic so she could post it on her insta like??? calling her non-expressive resting face ‘smug’ on every pap pics??? like JFC shes not smug shes just!! existing!!! if everyone saw my resting face theyd all call me a bitch. and if she was smiling then she was desperate. so smug or desperate, what a luck. people were losing their fucking minds. i never gave a shit about her, i thought she was a pretty girl doing an annoying job and i wanted her gone as much as everyone else but thats it. except for being a beard (which btw we dont know the details of the contract between the two no matter how much ppl tried to blame her for everything thats bad in the world) she didnt do ANYTHING publicly that was annoying enough or on par with eleanor except existing. people mocked her over how she swung her bag for like, 2 weeks. 

the story of danielle allegedly forcing herself on louis happened LATE 2016, like november?? and only got discussed on tumblr like, a month ago, so you using this as an argument is weak. There was no reason to preemptively hate danielle because of this story back in january 2016 no matter how hard you try to convince yourself that your hate was justified. everyone was just being nasty and bitter and going crazy over babygate and losing sight of what their priorities are. that’s it.

even if people had “receipts” on her prior to that that would justify why they hate an unknown nonfamous 21 years girl so much, they never shared it with the fandom as a whole and therefore, the fandom as a whole did not have any reason to hate her this much. literally the only story i heard is that apparently she was rude to a waiter in a restaurant. omg!!! bring out the torches!! this totally justify you spending hours mocking her face!!!! unless youre telling me that “big larries hated her therefore we all hated her too” because thats just sad and another problem altogether. so yeah dont try to use that as a reason of why you said nasty shit about her appearance back in february 2016.

i dont even know why im saying this because…having reasons to hate her will never justify the amount of absolutely deranged comments ive read about the way she looks. it was and will always be totally uncalled for and i cant believe how far this fandom went, i cant believe the stuff adults have written about this thinking it was ok. if she is that much of a terrible person there has to be more shit you can say about her than your subjective opinion that her resting face looks “smug” and that shes desperate for being in the presence of louis. i also cant believe how much people mocked her for not being famous enough even though a recurrent role in tv show is more than most people can achieve and when yall know you wouldve hated her for being famous if she was. so, eleanor was bad because she was non-famous using louis’ money and not going to school, taylor is bad because shes too famous and using 1d and harry’s name for her own career and danielle had a recurrent role in a popular franchise and that still was not ok for yall. i get the point is that youre never gonna “like” any beard no matter what her job is because you hate beards but just ADMIT IT and find other things to talk about instead of making up reasons why shes a bad person.

so, honestly, this isn’t about danielle at all. i dont care about her feelings or whatever. my problems is that for months ive read thousands of comments criticizing this girl for doing ANYTHING. and the worst is that when i was telling people they should probably calm down and that attacking a girl for how she looks is not cool at all, i got hate and lost followers and had mutuals indirecting me. because apparently having human decency was too much for people to handle. because apparently people still dont get that criticizing a girl for how she looks and dress as bigger far-reaching consequences in the long run. for months ive had to see people spreading bullshit and lies about her just because of their assumptions. 

and this goes for briana too. that girl is awful and did a lot of fucked up shit and i totally support talking shit about her AS LONG AS ITS FOCUS ON THE BAD THINGS SHES DOING. ive also been disgusted at comments towards briana or ashley shaming her for how they look and i dont find it more acceptable just because i hate them too. theres a line and yall crossed it, like, 12 months ago.

im not saying you have to tolerating neither of them now because of you what found out, im just saying that what you DIDNT KNOW a year ago cannot be used to justify what you did back then. 

anyway this isnt about danielle this is about how i still can’t believe i lost hundreds of followers and dozens of mutuals because i argued that talking shit about how she looks was not valid criticism and was a harmful behaviour. 

and if you still don’t think that’s fucked up and still wanna defend that nasty behaviour from last year i can’t help you.

[metal-trash]

on my own

i have entered a new stage of isolation. i just got thinking too much about caring about someone too much again. im not a fan of caring. i know i need to work on being more social and letting people in but i just want to be someones favorite and i want someone to get me entirely but im a hard person to understand. i cant expect people to fully understand me. i just dont think im ready to immerse myself into a new person. or to let someeone immerse themselves in me i am delicate and i just need comfort. ill never ask for it but the right person would just know i guess ill comfort myself. it can be hard to be alone but its also hard to try and fit in with people so unlike you. i will not force myself to start caring about things i should not care about. i have work and school to worry about and that is what i will continue to worry about. social media hasnt helped me gain anything but anxiety. i waste time on there instead of doing homework. tumblr is a safe place to place my emotions and a good place to occasionally check in with. regardless, i think ill like this new isolation. i think ill get in touch with myself. i have been all over the place. im quite strange lately, havent been this way in a while

[malicemizer]

I feel like being a dick so, 1-100

Christ.

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?��Apple music.

is your room messy or clean?Messy always.

what color are your eyes?Dark brown!

do you like your name? why?Nova and Kai are cute but my birth name is gross

what is your relationship status? I have boyfriend

describe your personality in 3 words or lesswhat the fuck

what color hair do you have?black and red

what kind of car do you drive? color?i don’t own a car but i drive my parents black lexus & white camry

where do you shop?hot topic lol

how would you describe your style?“try hard visual kei”

favorite social media accountI hate social media but I use tumblr the most

what size bed do you have? twin :^(

any siblings?step brother & two half sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?wherever my boyfriend lives bc i love that boy

favorite snapchat filter? uhhh my favorite one rn is the one w the leopard mask

favorite makeup brand(s)kvd, urban decay

how many times a week do you shower?this is a bad question

favorite tv show?breaking bad

shoe size?38 EU

how tall are you?154 cm

sandals or sneakers? i wear boots

do you go to the gym? ew no lol

describe your dream datei see my boyfriend, i take him to wherever he wants to eat cause he hasnt been to the states, we go back to my house and cuddle in bed and fall asleep together

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?nothing? i dont think

what color socks are you wearing? black

how many pillows do you sleep with?theres 2 on my bed atm

do you have a job? what do you do? I don’t but I’m getting my job at wendys back tomorrow lol

how many friends do you have? uhhhh depends what you consider friends but 4

whats the worst thing you have ever done? ... why would i admit that....

whats your favorite candle scent? pink sands by yankee candle

3 favorite boy namesakatsuki but thats all i can think of

3 favorite girl namesvalentina

favorite actor? uhhhhh ? i dont really have one does nagito count lol

favorite actress? used to be keke palmer and jennifer lawrence but they’re both :/

who is your celebrity crush?do i need to answer this

favorite movie? orphan!!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t really read but weedflower was my favorite as a kid

money or brains? neither i like my men poor and dumb as shit

do you have a nickname? what is it? nov, nob, tony nop, nop

how many times have you been to the hospital?I’ve been to the emergency room between 5 and 10 times (brain injury, infections, that time i got kicked out of school)

top 10 favorite songs24 ko cylinders (listening to it rn)the pledge (dir)tsuki no hime (kiryu)touseirinkakucageominouscoppelia

do you take any medications daily? nopeeee but i used to be on wellbutrin and abilify

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)really really oily it switched from being dry to oily when i was 15

what is your biggest fear? bees by farrr

how many kids do you want? none.

whats your go to hair style?straighten it and just let it do its thing

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) it’s average size for my area, kinda small in retrospect

who is your role model? kyo

what was the last compliment you received?i think venus called me a potato

what was the last text you sent?“I’d be a timid bad guy”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?i never really believed it

what is your dream car? porsche 911

opinion on smoking?i do it socially and its kinda hot

do you go to college? yep

what is your dream job? band member but one of the ones that dont talk

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? neither im a city dweller

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no lol my hair is picky and hates them

do you have freckles? yes lmao and on my arms too its the mexican look

do you smile for pictures?rarely

how many pictures do you have on your phone? almost 18k

have you ever peed in the woods? probably a long time ago

do you still watch cartoons? tumblr ruined cartoons for me tbh

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?i used to work at wendys so they’re tainted for me but I prefer them (they’re best after like 5 minutes theyve been sitting there lol)

Favorite dipping sauce? ew none

what do you wear to bed? depends on my mood sometimes my outfit frm that day, normal pajamas, or nothing

have you ever won a spelling bee?nope but i placed in a japanese speech competition 2 years ago

what are your hobbies?i draw and play minecraft and guitar and thats pretty much it as of late

can you draw? yes lol i “can” but I’m not good

do you play an instrument?guitar and piano but I haven’t played piano in a while

what was the last concert you saw? black veil brides i think?

tea or coffee?both tbh

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?starbucks but we dont have dunkin in idaho

do you want to get married?ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

what is your crush’s first and last initial?sk uwu

are you going to change your last name when you get married? “when” lol

what color looks best on you? red and black

do you miss anyone right now? yeah my boyfriend :(

do you sleep with your door open or closed?closed i always have my door closed

do you believe in ghosts?yes yes yes yes yes

what is your biggest pet peeve? when people accuse you of lying about something they have no proof you’ve lied about

last person you calledvenus

favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular ew wtf

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow is prettier

what shirt are you wearing? its just black

what is your phone background?kaya + yuuki and my boyfriend petting a sheep

are you outgoing or shy?a bit of both i love attention but im bad at interpersonal communication

do you like it when people play with your hair?ew god no dont touch my hair

do you like your neighbors? they’re alright one of them has a cute dog

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?usually at night when i take my makeup off

have you ever been high? yes many times lol

have you ever been drunk? only a few times but it’s spring break sooooo

last thing you ate? m&ms

favorite lyrics right nowi keep thinking specifically about the way kaya says “yami no naka” in coppelia (means “middle of the darkness”)

summer or winter? uhhhhh both but this winter sucked so im excited for summer

day or night? night, creeping into very early morning

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk and white are best

favorite month? august cause birthday + boyfriends birthday

what is your zodiac signLeooooo

who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom cause i went to a movie that made me cry lol

[georgielou-50913]

a sad questionnaire

What do you wish was different?

My life. I wish things had turned out different, I wish my family wasnt so against me, i wish i wasnt so damaged, i wish i was a better person. i wish everything about my life was different, just not him. he is perfect. he is the ONLY thing keeping me alive, keeping me going. but god i wish things were different.

What’s the hardest part about that?

things cannot change. i am too damaged, and unless you can bring back my little girl i will never be able to feel any different. so im better off dead yeah? things could be a little different if i didn't live here. but thats not going to change for a very long time.

Are you thinking about anything bad that might happen?

so many things? so work hasnt been greatly lately i havent been getting the hours i need. my nan (who i live with) has basically told me if i cant pay the rent ill be homeless. my boyfriend has a big family and stays with his parents so theres nothing they can do for me, they dont have the room. i couldnt pay my rent last month, and i dont know if im going to be able to this month either. i cant afford to live in my own place nor can i make that decision because i dont know if ill ever be able to pay the rent. i am not getting any work, no where near enough. not even 200 quid per month. last month i earnt 140 quid, i get paid by the hour and theres no work. im trying so hard to find a new job but its not that easy anymore. shes making my life hell every single day and there is nothing i can do. if im homeless i will just throw myself off a bridge.

What was the sad bit there for you?

being stuck in this house, that i cannot change, being spoken down to every day, all day. getting inside my head telling me how useless and worthless i am, basically i was better off dead.

What are you thinking might go wrong here?

as above..... im going to become homeless, if not this month then next month? i cant pay everything, im in debt. i cant even pay my phone bill. i cant afford to pay anything, nothing at all. my boyfriend helped me last month and left himself in further debt. i cant do that to him, he cant afford to keep us both going when he sis struggling to keep himself going. 

What else has happened that makes this worse?

my uncle recently went into hospital, and me and luke did absolutely everything we did to help him and my nan, but now that luke has no money and is running on barely any petrol.. i said i may not be able to help for a while and basically this has caused a huge storm at home for me, she will not allow my boyfriend in the house anymore and is basically ruining my life now, coming into my room several times a day to rip the shit out of me, reminding me every hour how much she hates me and i feel like im stuck in an incredibly bad emotional abusive relationship and there truly is no way out, im already stressed as it is, i keep breaking into tears all the time. i didnt say i WOULDNT help i just said that it was going to be a bit harder, i didnt deserve the way she spoke to me or the way she is treating me, especially luke.

Do you know why you feel upset about this, or do you just feel upset?

i think ive explained all that above. basically its a neverending thing of talking down to me and telling me how worthless i am and im fat, and stupid, and selfish, and evil and mean, i am better off dead. why was i even born? to suffer? why me.

What is the worst thing about that?

the worst thing is its my own nan who is making me feel this way. the one lady i have looked up to my whole life and would do anything for. and she is making me want to die.

What else is hard about that situation?

its put a lot of strain on all my other realtionships, i have tried to break up with luke on several occassions when that isnt even what i want to do. that is not what i want i just dont want him getting mixed up in all this situation. im trying to protect him aswell. but i dont want him to see me this way, ive lost my appetite i dont want to eat, im letting myself go completely i could just sleep all day, sleep forever.

Do you feel more sad/hurt/angry/worried about that or some other feeling?

ive suffered depression most of my life anyway but i always fight it you know? this time i cant shake it, ive been suffering for months and its getting worse, with a strong history of self harming i havent resorted to that yet, but its becoming more and more appealing, and this time ive relied more on alcohol than hurting myself, because self harm is only short term relief, alcohol lets me forget for the whole day and i can relax.  i just dont think im going to break it this time.

Are you worried about people thinking this?

i dont really have anyone to talk to, i dont want lukes family thinking im a bad influence for him to be with, although they say they are there to listen, especially his sister, i dont want to be a burden and i dont want to vent all this on them, i dont want advice. i dont want help. well i do.... but what can they really do to help me? i have to be careful of what i write on social media.... i am not attention seeking, more like a cry for help.

On a scale from 1-10, how worried/upset/mad/scared/hurt are you about this?

10. .....way more than 10.. i want to die.

 Okay, so how about compared to this other thing?  What is worse 

both the fear of being homeless and the constant abuse im getting by staying here. the fact of me being stuck in this house being told every day all day how worthless i am, is the worse, its classed as emtoional abuse, making someone want to die is bad. i dont know if she realises this is what she is doing. i cant really compare. not knowing whether im going to be homeless at the end of the month is terrifying, where will i go?  i cant say which is worse, because both are as bad as eachother.

When you aren't busy/when you are lying in bed at night - what are the things that make you most upset?

not knowing whether im going to get work the next day, wondering if its going to be enough. wondering whether tomorrow will be easier, i share a room with my nan so i get constant abuse right from the minute i wake up to the second i fall asleep. its neverending.

Is there anything about this you feel embarrassed or ashamed about?

the fact that my own nan is ruining my life? tearing me apart. ripping my heart into pieces... ashamed. yes.

What are the some of the things you're worried people might be thinking about you?

i dont want her to tell people that i was selfish, i never said i wouldnt help. we have done so much for the past couple weeks, and before. she is making it sound like we did nothing, and that all we cared about was money, she barely gave us anything, and what she did was purely for petrol because we have absolutely no money atall... so its been incredibly hard. we did these things because we wanted to help. and shes thrown it all back in our faces. i cant forgive that. but now she tells people that i am selfish, that i did nothing to help. that i did not want to help and this was not the case atall.

How often are you feeling upset about it?

it doesnt go away, when i have her constantly reminding me all day that i am a worthless useless horrible evil nasty fat useless waste of space. it doesnt end. i am getting worse.

What do you wish you could change about yourself in all of this?

i wish i could be as special as my sister, she is so proud of her. i wish she could of been proud of me too, i made some mistakes in life, and i pay for them everyday. i wish you could be proud of me too. thats all i ever wanted to hear from you, not how you wish youd never adopted me into your home.

What makes you feel a bit better about all of this?

having luke by my side.

What's the most frustrating part of it all?

I cannot defend myself with the way she talks to me, because if i do id get thrown out in seconds. then what do i do?  Ive also badgered on at my boss to give me more work, explained my situation and all they say is there is no more work to give me. ive been applying for other jobs for months and had a few interviews but its just not worked out. i dont know what else to do.

What do you think people don't understand about this?

there is only so much you can push someone. and i am at the very end, i speak to people but they just tell me to either ignore it or find another job. no it is not that fucking simple! how do you ignore someone who is constantly in your face reminding you of how shit you are every single day.

What would make this a little better?

if i could move into lukes house, he tells me if i become homeless that would happen, but i dont think he is right, his parents have already said theyd love to take me in but there genuinely is no room.  i just want to get away fromt this place.

What is coming up in your week that will be hard because of this?

well i have another week till payday, that is the day i find out my fate i suppose. am i going to be homeless again..

When was the last time you cried about this?

today, ive lost count how many times ive cried today, cried myself to sleep last night, ive been crying everyday.

What helps you cope?

tumblr, online games, working, music, tv shows, anything to occupy myself. but its all short lived.

What times of day are the hardest for you?

the times im not working, today i have absolutely no work at all so i have t be stuck here all day listening to abuse. tomorrow i will be working in the morning then again tomorrow evening, then ill be staying at lukes house this weekend and ill be working over the weekend so ill not have much time to think about it. but during the day is the hardest. because i have to just endure it. waiting for the time to pass. tomorrow ill only have a few hours here.  but ive still gotta get through the night.