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amorfista · 1 year ago

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I have some news to share ^^

A few days ago I had a revelation while at work.

For over 8 years I've been a big fan of the Dark Souls franchise. The first Dark Souls felt to me like a journey; a full-on immersion into an incredibly complex world, marked by disparity: old royalty, splendor, trust, hope, magic, nostalgia, wonder, gold, light... but also decay, dread, betrayal, horrors, darkness, death, monsters, disease, anguish. This game left a deep print on me that hasn't faded. Ever since I played it, fantasy changed in my eyes. Dark Souls I, II and III became a standard, a reference point. Even when I didn't draw as much as I do now, I aspired to one day pay good tribute to the games that meant so much to me! And, of course, I created fan art, but I always felt like I could have given more.

Now. As you probably know I'm also a big Star Wars fan, specifically TCW fan. And a few months ago I watched The Bad Batch for the first time. This show left a print in a very similar way as Dark Souls had before. It fueled my inspiration significantly, motivated me and, most importantly, helped me form friendships that I'm incredibly grateful for ♥. So... the other day, while I listened to some Dark Souls music at work, I thought...

Why not combine my favorite show with my favorite videogame franchise?

So that's it guys. May I present to you:

-The Bad Batch: Dark Souls AU-

That's it! That's my brilliant idea! XD This is going to be a project, a BIG one. So I would like to briefly (i promise i tried) explain how it will affect my content, under the cut: (I'll also drop some older DS artwork at the bottom!)

TLDR: From now on I will focus on TBB DS AU as my main and basically sole project . Even if you didn't play DS, that's okay! I will make it people-who-didn't-play friendly, to ensure everyone enjoys the journey. However, if this isn't for you, it's okay to unfollow <3 -I would say that, since I came to tumblr this early summer, my "signature" drawings are the TBB beach episode ones. I have WIPs for this project but I've been feeling stuck for far too long, so I am going to put it on hold. In fact, I am going to put on hold virtually everything that I was planning on doing, with a few exceptions. This means that I will rarely draw anything outside this AU.

-I am CLOSING commissions. I found that they put a kind of pressure on me that doesn't feel too good, and, honestly, I'm lucky to say that I do not need the money at the moment. I'm still open to requests, though, so don't hesitate to send anything and I'll draw it if I feel like it :) I'll even try to set up a store at some point!

-The project will consist on three journeys, featuring the 6 members of the Bad Batch, and corresponding with the three Dark Souls games. Each of those journeys will, more or less faithfully, follow the events of EACH season of TBB, adapted of course to the universe of Dark Souls, AKA Dark Medieval Fantasy. This means that, until the third season of TBB is released, I won't make any DSIII-related drawings.

-The journeys are adapted to the universe, and thus, will follow the real player journey as faithfully as I can, staying within DS canon and allowing people who have played the games to enjoy my drawings. However,

-THE DRAWINGS WILL BE 100% NON-DS-PLAYER FRIENDLY. I know that my followers are not DS fans but TBB/TCW fans. I am NOT here just to please DS fans. I want TBB fans to enjoy this journey, without having to google meanings or go easter-egg hunt to understand what is happening. I will tell a story and you will only have to enjoy it.

-This is a project for myself. Both DS and TBB mean A LOT to me, and this idea had me vibrating with excitement. I am making this project to PAY TRIBUTE to two things I love. However that does not mean that I will neglect the very people who have motivated me to keep creating. I promise to still deliver my very best with every drawing.

Do not hesitate to unfollow if this isn't for you.

I can understand that some people might follow me only for my wholesome beach episode drawings or for regular, HC TBB content. And that's okay. That's what this announcement is for! To let you know. This community has given me so much and I want to give back. And if you do stay, I can almost 100% assure you that you will enjoy what's to come!! <3 It will be a long but satisfactory journey. I'LL BE POSTING THE FIRST DRAWINGS IN THE UPCOMING DAYS!

OKAY, SORRY FOR THE WALL OF TEXT!!! 😖 Here are some older DS drawings ^^ (jesus I have way more than I thought and these aren't even all of them)

AIGHT. NOW YOU KNOW IT'S SOME SERIOUS SHIT WHEN I SAY I LIKE THESE GAMES.

Anyway. Including a taglist, because I think it would be unfair not to let you guys know about this project in case anyone wants out (or to not be tagged). Send me a DM if that's the case, it's NO PROBLEM!!! I wouldn't want to tag someone who doesn't want this content.

ALSO PLEASE, ANY QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE, TOSS THEM TO ME! And thank you kindly for making it this far <3

@dukeoftheblackstar @justalittletomato @darthmaulshispanichousewife @botherbother-blog @aftergloom @badolmen @ihaventpickedausername @ohboi @stardustbee @nik-barinova @the-chains-are-the-easy-part @gen-has-green-vibes @ejfivercommander @herbalinz-of-yesteryear @eyecandyeoz @noesqape @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @staycalmandhugaclone @callmesunny04 @freesia-writes @ginnymilling @sunshinesdaydream @sev-on-kamino @cloneloverrrrr @moon-wrecked @idontgetanysleep @tech-aficionado @followthepurrgil @renton6echo @queen-jiru @shoe-bag @eyayah123 @eloquentmoon @and-loth-cat @ladyzirkonia @stardusthuntress @bambambunny @morphofan @gt13tbbart @amalthiaph @cameronirat @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @anxiouspineapple99

#the bad batch #dark souls #TBB DS AU

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 5 months ago

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20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @maggiemayhemnj - thank you!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

Ten. I was cross-posting everything for a minute there, but I lost steam and now I only post here - except for Aphelion, which I am co-writing with @something-tofightfor. That still gets posted in both places.

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

68,449 - not counting Aphelion. My tumblr word count is... a lot higher.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Right now just Pedro Pascal characters.

4. top five fics by kudos?

Gonna go by notes on tumblr instead because that's where most of my stuff is:

Bes'laar Din Djarin x F!Reader (based on artwork by @stealyourblorbos!)

Survivor Blues Joel Miller x F!Reader

Forever Din Djarin x F!Reader

The Cold Offends Me Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (The Viper & The Wild Thing universe)

Point of No Return Ezra x OFC Clara

5. do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to all comments because I appreciate them SO MUCH MORE than I can accurately convey. I love hearing from people about what they liked or what shocked them or what made them feel things, and I really love the chance to sort of have a micro mini chat about it in the comments. That being said, sometimes I completely check out and miss a whole batch or a whole fic worth of comments goes unresponded to for far too long. And I always feel bad when that happens, which sometimes results in me responding to things WAY after the comments were left, to the point where it wouldn't surprise me if the person has already forgotten the fic/what they wrote... but I haven't forgotten how much it meant to me that they read and commented on my work. So even if it's 6 months to an eternity late, I intend to respond to them all.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It Pours From Your Eyes Joel x Tess

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like most of them have happy endings, but we'll go with A Little Christmas Magic - Frankie x F!Reader as perhaps the fluffiest happy ending.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I have gotten non-fic specific hate directed at my writing before, but that was a few years ago and it hasn't happened since. Which is cool because the fewer people wasting their time and energy on being unnecessarily mean about things - let alone about stories about silly little fictional guys - the better.

9. do you write smut?

I do, but I do not consider it one of my strong suits, and I typically only include it if it fits with the overall story though a few times I have written smut just to be filthy as a challenge... and as a treat.

10. craziest crossover?

I've been slowly spinning a True Detective x Tim Rockford crossover like a rotisserie chicken for months but I've only managed to jot down a few unconnected snippets thus far. And a title. It's gonna be called (maybe, if I ever actually write it) Flat Circle, Twisted Game.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but if I did I would be absolutely PISSED. And I can't say I'd be nice about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but that would be cool AF.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I am currently co-writing Aphelion with @something-tofightfor and it is so much FUN.

14. all time favorite ship?

In all honesty it's probably Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt. I was straight up ready to stop watching Parks and Rec if they didn't end up together.

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

lol what kind of passive aggressive, self-doubt feeding question is this? I'd like to finish them all and I try like hell to believe that I will.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I think it's probably describing natural settings? But maybe dialogue. Idk.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Smut. Also keeping the momentum to finish things in a timely fashion, but mostly smut.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I try to only use it when it makes sense or when it benefits the story and not just as like... a novelty or an afterthought.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Teeeeeeeeeeechnically? Like first one I ever made content for? I guess that would be the Twilight series. But I will not be sharing where to find that here. And if you find out where it is, you take that knowledge to the grave with you, you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME, FRIENDS?

20. favorite fic you've written?

Even though it's nowhere near done, I love and am so very proud of Survivor Blues. But then again, even though it's a few years old now and I feel like my writing has grown since finishing it, Point of No Return will always have a very big piece of my heart.

Tagging: anyone who sees this and wants to play! Please tag me so I can see your answers!!

#20 questions #writing tag game #thanks for the tag miss mayhem!

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hadesknockedupintheunderworld · 11 months ago

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Sonine Prime ... Part 6

Hi, everyone and welcome back to Sonine Prime! The part of the show when I come out and talk about Sonine (and a bit of Sontails) in Sonic Prime!

Last time we started Episode 6 of Season 1 of Sonic Prime and went over a bit of the New Yolk portion at the beginning. This time we'll be tackling the rest of the New Yolk portion at the beginning and moving onto the Grim.

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<< Part 5 | Part 7 >>

(Essay/thoughts/analysis under the cut)

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Let us start out with some little things.

As we covered last part, Nine pretty much came to New Yolk to fetch Sonic, only fighting long enough to give Sonic an opening to escape. During this short fight sequence, Sonic starts spin dashing into eggforcers higher and higher until he eventually lands in the cockpit of Nine's ship.

When Nine notices Sonic climbing up to him, this is the face he makes:

Then, as Sonic arrives in the cockpit, he keeps the expression. In fact, even though he moves to close the cockpit cover (where his expression changes to a more focused one), he smiles again whenever he's not focused. And funnily enough, there's also the way Nine smiles when Sonic enters the cockpit and says his name.

"Nine! Ha ha holy man just in time!"

He leans back before Sonic shakes his seat like he's preening under the attention.

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As will become a pattern soon (not always Nine's conscious fault, but...), Sonic begins to tell Nine how they need backup in New Yolk and mentioning how bad the fight is (i.e talking about his current goal/concerns) before marveling at the place between the shatterspaces.

"We could really use some backup. Woah, woah, where we goin'!"

...

"We got a fight on our hands back there and– oh what did you just do?"

This of course switches the point of topic from the fight in New Yolk (Sonic's focus) to Nine’s ship, the portal/space in between, and where they're headed (Nine’s focus).

It's worth mentioning that while Sonic is talking about the fight (the bit I just quoted) through to Nine telling Sonic he opened a portal, Nine has this smug expression on his face (very proud of himself).

"I opened a portal."

(If any of you go back to watch this scene, it's worth mentioning he also smiles while he speaks his line here, and he ALSO smiles when he speaks his next line about how he calls the worlds "shatterspaces". Like I said, he's proud of himself here, and he likes the attention from Sonic.)

In any case, as Sonic changes the subject back to his point of focus, Nine's smile falls into a frown (I'd put the image here but I did say I'd try to be a good boy, which means trying to get fairly far into this part before hitting the tumblr image limit🥲)

"Really glad to see you, but we have to go back! The rebels need my help."

Nine, of course, quickly changes topic, thus changing Sonic's focus.

"Not until you tell me where you've been!"

It's a fair question to ask, especially after that ending of Episode 3. Sonic disappeared so suddenly, leaving Nine alone (man that ending man that ending), and Nine hasn't seen him until now. However, whether on purpose or not, this distraction from Sonic's goal (helping the rebels in New Yolk) allows Nine to segue back into his talk about his discoveries and the shatterverse (which falls in line with his current goal).

"Then you showed up in your spaceship and pulled me into this portal thingy!" *Deep breath in*

"That confirms what I've discovered."

Then, as Nine starts his next like ("From the moment you vanished") he begins to smile again.

"From the moment you vanished, I suspected there was more to the shard than I'd realized."

Nine presses a button on the console which reveals the red shard. Still smiling (proud of himself, but also showing off), he brushes off Sonic's comment about how he stole the shard by talking about how he hacked into the Chaos Council's power core schematics and created his shatterdrive, allowing the two of them to travel the shatterverse at their discretion.

However, as before, Sonic begins to change the subject back to the fight in New Yolk (props to him for trying to remember and come back to his topic even as Nine continues to distract him, honestly 😂). This, of course, causes Nine to frown once more.

"Shatter-what? Uh, this is cool and everything, but we really gotta get back to New Yolk!"

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Let's take a jump to Sonic's pov here.

I think there's no question that Sonic is excited to see Nine (what, with all the smiles, shaking his chair, him saying he's glad to see him), but he's focused on a goal at the moment. He'd just resolved to help the rebels and ensure that they have a future. He's fighting for their last bits of hope, and he's also fighting to clear both his and Nine's names as traitors. This fight is so important because to Sonic its akin to the rebels' last stand.

If they lose, the palm, the rebellion, all hope for bringing back what once was, is lost.

That's a lot of heavy weight to carry.

And not to mention, when Nine appeared in New Yolk to fight, from Sonic's pov this was proof Nine isn't a traitor. To Sonic, Nine wasn't coming for him, he was coming to make things right and to fight alongside them for a better tomorrow.

So Nine leaving New Yolk with him, that goes against the idea Sonic had in his head of this situation. Even though he and Nine haven't talked about it, Sonic has an idea of Nine's intentions and their shared goal in his head, and he doesn’t want to believe it's incorrect. So, rather than assume bad faith (which in this case would be taking Nine's talk and actions to mean that Nine doesn't care about New Yolk as much as his personal wants), Sonic is tackling this from the perspective that Nine is getting distracted from their goal.

Look at the language. It's not "I've got to get back".

It's we.

And you can see it in the sad half smiling expression Sonic has when he says that this is cool, but they need to get back to New Yolk (and you'll see it again later. Most notably, in the final episode of Season 2). It's like he's softly pleading, bidding Nine to remember what's at stake and what their goals are (even if it was Sonic who assumed they shared this goal).

Let's cut to Nine’s pov for a moment.

Nine is incredibly happy to see Sonic again (what with all the obvious and secret smiles abound), so much so that he doesn’t ask anything regarding Sonic's disappearance until Sonic mentions the rebels in New Yolk. Ever since Sonic's disappearance, Nine has been working on his pet project (creating the shatterdrive, finding a new place to call home, and experimenting with the power of the prism shards).

Nine wants to create a new world, believing that the one he came from is beyond saving. This is why The Grim being a blank slate is so important. The honor of him wanting to bring Sonic along (to create their new world, their new home together) is that he believes that Sonic is worth saving, someone who should exist in a "better" world. Sonic, the only being he currently believes to be kind and selfless, to have the capacity to care for others, and the being he's (Nine's) currently attached to, is someone he finds worthy to create a new world with him.

Like Sonic, Nine has this idea of him and his goals in his head that he doesn’t want to be challenged. He arrived in New Yolk only planning to fetch Sonic and to bring him to the Grim. Since he's planning this "new world" and has been focusing on bringing Sonic along, to him this goal takes precedence over everything else.

Because yeah, Sonic risked his life to save him, but the rest of New Yolk is beyond saving. Creating a good, better world, takes precedence over saving people in a worse world who don't deserve it. So surely Sonic will understand this, right? And Sonic also wants his home, so surely he'd fight just as desperately to create a home with Nine since his old one is gone, right?

To Nine, as a good person (and because he only really likes it when Sonic is kind and selfless to him specifically), this is just a matter of logic. Just like Sonic does with him, he assumes Sonic will go along with him and agree. So, when Sonic keeps mentioning New Yolk and the battle, it frustrates him. Not only is Sonic putting his attention on what Nine doesn't think matters (or deserves the attention), he's pushing against Nine's idea of him as a kind and selfless guy who ultimately is only this way to Nine and upholds his (Nine's) goals over others. So, he keeps dragging Sonic's attention back, forcing him to focus on him, explaining his goal.

Sonic is trying to make Nine come around, to get him to focus on the others fighting, to "remind" him of "their" goal of protecting the innocents in New Yolk and their future. Nine is trying to make Sonic come around, to get Sonic to focus on him, to convince Sonic that creating a better world, a new home, is a better goal. Neither of them think they should have to convince or remind, so it frustrates and confuses them each time they're forced to change topic.

We will come back to their povs later.

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So, after Sonic mentions how they really have to get back to New Yolk, Nine attempts to redirect Sonic's attention once more.

"I have to show you what I found..."

Nine is still smiling as they land in the Grim, doubly so as he explains their "bright new future" (as he puts it).

"Another world..."

"Welcome to our bright new future!"

Getting into Sonic's personal space before jumping out of his ship? Check.

Our, man🥲

Sonic's "we really gotta get back" versus Nine's "our bright new future" is gonna kill me

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As we're approaching the image limit, I shall be employing the usage of embedding a video (mostly because I really want to get to talk about this part in this post). I will be referencing both Sonic and Nine's body language as well as quoting it.

So, after Sonic arrives and the two marvel over shard energy, Nine talks about the Grim.

"Be on the look out for whacked out versions of you, me, or anyone else you might know."

"That's the best part of all. There's no one here! It's a clean slate... The perfect place to start over and get the world right."

There are so many smiles in this portion on Nine's part, from him just explaining the goal he seeks to share with Sonic alone, that I would probably hit the image limit a hundred times trying to point them all out.

Nine is just...so earnest here, and the smiles he keeps on sending Sonic alone are heart melting.

"With the proper fortifications, and enough shard energy, it could be home!"

And Sonic's little gasp here, the sad look, tells you so much about what he's thinking.

He has never seen Nine this happy or excited. He's never seen him smile so much.

But...

"The one you lost, the one I never had. I could make that hope a reality."

Man and the sealing the deal here with the shoulder touch??

"For both of us."

You can tell how much these words hit, how Sonic knows that this matters to Nine.

Because he looks so guilty by the time he speaks.

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Let's jump back to Sonic's point of view for a moment.

When Nine starts talking about home, I believe Sonic recognizes that this isn't just some fun side project of Nine's that's a distraction from the goal. This is because Nine gets personal with it.

"With the proper fortifications, and enough shard energy, it could be home!"

I think this is the line that first alerts Sonic to just how bleak things are for Nine. This is a line that tells Sonic that Nine doesn't have a home. So this project is important to Nine, because it's about home.

And Sonic understands the desperate want to be home right now, to get home. He's wanted to go back home since Episode 1.

"The one you lost"

His expression changes just slightly at this line.

He recognizes now that Nine's goal here is to create home, for himself and for Sonic. And while that's going to make Sonic feel a bit conflicted inside no matter what (because he doesn't believe his old home is fully lost and knows he wants that more than creating a new place with Nine), it's a sweet one. Nine is empathizing with him.

But, this is also Sonic M. Hedgehog. Despite all his efforts to get back/find "home" up to this point, he always puts it on the backburner if the lives of others are at stake. Maybe that's his big goal, and maybe during this story he pushes people to achieve this goal faster, but he cares about people (In fact, part of his arc is him coming to care about the residents of the shatterverse as their own people who deserve to live as much as he and his original friends do).

Sonic is holding onto the hope that gathering the Paradox Prism shards is the key to returning/finding his home. And those shards aren't going to somehow disappear (and Sonic is holding onto the hope that there will always be a way). So, even if he steps aside and helps overthrow the council, or fixes some friendships, or saves worlds from being attacked, his goal will always be waiting when he's done. Sonic has no intention to knowingly achieve his goal at the cost of others' lives.

So perhaps Sonic recognizes that finding "home" is also important to Nine, and maybe he does find everything Nine's working on cool and awesome, but there are people out there in danger.

"Now, look, Nine, it's incredible, but it’s... it's not going anywhere. And those rebels really need our help. Come with me. Help me finish the fight."

I believe that this is Sonic sympathizing with Nine. He does think that what Nine's doing is incredible, and he wants him to know that. In fact, I'm sure part of what makes his expression so sad is that he does want to enoy this moment for what it is with Nine, but the battle in New Yolk is urgent.

Sonic understands what Nine wants, and it's nice that Nine wants him (Sonic) to have a home again too, but it’s just as he says. The Grim isn't going anywhere. The mission to get Sonic's home back and Nine's mission to create a home, these will still be possible after people's lives are no longer at stake. To Sonic, they can have both. It's simple logic. They can save other people, they can fight for the bright future of all those poor people in New Yolk and then also fight for their own bright futures. And so, Sonic goes about explaining with that sad sort of smile again, like he's trying to "remind" Nine of the importance of the immediate goal Sonic thinks they both naturally share. He's, again, taking Nine's actions in good faith, taking it as if Nine needs a reminder that people's lives are important. And if he does that, surely Nine will come with him and fight alongside him for New Yolk's future, right?

Surely, a good and reasonable person would do that, right?

And it's not just that, that Sonic has this idea in his head of Nine having the same idea of the "right thing to do" as him and the same goals that he wants to keep seeing. The usage of "we", "our", "together" for Sonic.

*Sigh* "I hope I see you back in New Yolk."

No matter what, Sonic intends on going back to fight, but the emphasis is on the togetherness. Sonic wants to go back with him, he wants to fight with him, he does want to be with him.

He hopes Nine will do the "right thing". He also wants Nine to go with him, and I wager that extends beyond the battle for New Yolk.

Because if it was just about doing the right thing, then Sonic would have put more emphasis on how it’s something Nine should want. Instead, he approaches this like he's reminding Nine that this—doing the right thing—is important, while emphasizing that he wants to be with him.

Whether you believe he only wants Nine at his side because he's trying to fill the hole Tails' absense has left or not (although for the record, I think by this point Sonic recognizes that Nine is his own person and does want him by his side in the way Tails is, without realizing that he kinda is/intending to fill the hole by his side that Tails left), my point is that Sonic wants Nine by his side when he fights to protect, wants Nine by his side when he's traveling, and he wants Nine by his side when he's trying to achieve his own goal of bringing back his home. This point will come back in season 2 with more evidence behind it, but even this far back, before Sonic's considered Nine a "best friend", he wants Nine there by his side in the coming times.

So Sonic can't understand why Nine would place his goal over fighting in the battle (fighting for hope and for their own honor), but he also hopes that Nine reconsiders. He hopes that his convincing, his wish made clear to have Nine with him, is enough to make Nine choose him and his (Sonic's) immediate goal.

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Now let's jump to Nine's point of view again.

After Nine finishes his piece about creating a new home for him and Sonic, he gives Sonic a moment to speak, awaiting his answer. Partway through Sonic's explanation about how The Grim isn't going anywhere and the rebels need them, Nine withdraws his hand from Sonic's shoulder. He backs away, eyes wide, with his hand still out (this is before his expression changes in reaction to Sonic's words).

It's like he...can't believe what Sonic is saying. It's as if after all of that—the whole demonstration, the heart to heart—Sonic...doesn't want this. It's as if he'd expected Sonic to get over his confliction and choose him, choose to work towards this "bright new future". Even if Sonic hadn't meant it that way, it's...a rejection.

"That city never brought me anything but misery. I owe it nothing."

What Sonic couldn’t have known is that Nine had given him a choice, an unspoken ultimatum of sorts (at least, that's how I see it).

"Them? Worlds and people that are beyond saving? Or me? A bright future and a perfect world to call home?"

To Nine, Sonic had chosen others wants and needs over his own (the wants and needs of those Nine doesn't care about). This not only goes directly against the idea he had of Sonic in his head and those unspoken expectations (to care about Nine but ultimately focus on Nine's their goals over other people), but it surprises him, because he thought he and this demonstration would have been enough to show Sonic what's "really important".

Not to mention, it's possible he thought (or hoped) Sonic understood by now what New Yolk means to him. That was the city that hurt him, full of people who'd never go out of their way to help him or protect him. How could Sonic say that the city needs him (Nine) when the city has never done anything for him, when no one was there to help when he needed it?

"I'll help you get back."

But I also think Nine is...used to disappointment in his life, which is why he takes the percieved rejection surprisingly well. He'd held onto this goal in Sonic's absense so hard (for a hedgehog he barely knew), thinking constantly about how Sonic will love what he's doing.

But it's clear to him (in his pov) that Sonic doesn’t feel the same, doesn’t care about it as much. He swallows his disappointment, his frustration, and he gives Sonic another chance to choose him.

He opens the portal without looking at him, tells Sonic that he (Nine) "has work to do".

Sonic counters his "I hope you choose to stay with me" with his own "I hope you join me in New Yolk", and he leaves. And all we see of Nine before it cuts to Sonic hurtling through the space in between is his shift in facial expressions, his frustration and anger deepening visually.

I suppose what I'm saying is that Nine is trying to be good and reasonable here. He's trying to give Sonic a choice, because it's not going to be the same if Sonic doesn't want this too. He's not in the business of forcing Sonic to join him just because he wants him to. But at the same time, Nine's setting these choices up like ultimatums in his head. In fact, later when he shows up in New Yolk, he'll try to make it more clear to Sonic that he won't get another chance if he doesn't choose him (Nine). He almost expects Sonic to choose him. And when Sonic doesn’t choose him in his unspoken ultimatum, and when Nine ultimately gives him more and more chances to, it's hard not to see it as Nine seeking to get Sonic to prove that he cares about him.

Does this make sense?

In any case, if there's anything I want to get across as The Grim section of this episode comes to a close, it's this. This entire scene is one large miscommunication. Nine and Sonic both are wrapped up in their own goals, assume the other will just go along with what they want or are on the same page as them, and are both operating as if they are right and are giving the other the chance to make "good" choices. They're different people with different povs and context and goals. This scene hurts so much because ultimately they both want good things and they BOTH want to be together, but this never quite comes across, because neither takes the other's words as intended. And yet, that's what makes this scene feel...real to me, as a real conversation that could occur. A conversation like this, where both clearly care about each other, but it seems like each thing they say is wrong, like it doesn't come across right, is something that can happen irl.

And it sucks! It sucks because this scene ending the way it does is unavoidable, both because neither have yet progressed and learned lessons on assuming others agree with them, and because miscommunications like this just happen even when people try their hardest to be clear.

ㅤ

Also, bit of a side note I wanted to mention but didn't have a moment to fit it in, I actually hadn't quite shipped Sonine after finishing this episode, much less season 1. At the time, I was still really new to Sonic fandom and hadn't consumed much of the media. I'm sure I've said this all in another post before, but this scene gave me second hand embarrassment when I first watched it. I didn’t know how I was meant to feel, nor how I was meant to interpret being beamed with the concept that Nine wanted to create a new world with Sonic and be at home with him, and only him. I didn't dare let myself think that it was intended to come off as romantic, but to myself it never felt very..."brotherly" of them (as was the idea I got from the bit of fandom I was aware of at the time). In the end, all I could think was: "I'm not sure if it was intended to be romantic. Probably not, but Nine definitely has strong feelings of some sort. Honestly, this is such a big scene I wouldn't be surprised if it sparked a bunch of fan content." In the end I got curious enough to find out that, no. Sonine does not have a lot of fancontent😂. But this scene was the first to alert me of the possibility, even if I wouldn't ship it until watching S2, and I think it says a lot that someone who had no Sonic ship bias at the time (except for a passing enjoyment of S0nadow) had a hard time figuring out how to feel about this scene.

Okay, okay. I'll be a bit more normal now. Let us move on and follow Sonic back to New Yolk.

As things are starting to look bad in the fight with the rebels (+ Sonic) versus the Chaos Council (Rebel has collapsed on the ground, Renegade is cornered at the mercy of Deep's sword, and Sonic is squeezed in the fist of Mr. Dr.'s mech, Nine arrives.

The fact that Nine chooses to come back here despite what happened earlier is something that will come back.

Nine intervenes and ends up freeing Renegade, Rebel, and Sonic. After this, Sonic finds himself running beside Nine's ship, smiling.

"Nine...you came!"

And yet...Nine isn’t as happy about this as Sonic is. While Sonic is overjoyed that Nine gave in and chose to join him in this fight, Nine is still frustrated, angry.

"When this is over, I'm going home and never looking back. Whether I go it alone is entirely up to you."

This is the line I referenced earlier during the scene in the Grim. Sure, Nine gave in to Sonic's wishes and ended up helping, but he's not here so he can claim his place by Sonic's side and be a obedient little fox who only wants what he (Sonic) wants.

This is Nine giving Sonic another chance, and with clearer wording regarding the consequences of not choosing him. What Nine is saying here is that he's planning on going back to The Grim after helping, and that after this battle Sonic will have his last chance to choose him. He's saying "I'm helping you, but after this I'm going home and I'm staying there. Are you going to go with me?"

Sonic, meanwhile, doesn't seem to take in exactly what Nine says. Whether it's because he doesn't take it seriously, isn't paying attention, doesn't have time to let the words sink in, or whatever, nothing about Nine's serious statement causes Sonic's smile to fall.

"I knew you'd come back, buddy!"

Although, despite the fact Sonic doesn’t seem to take in Nine's words, I would be remiss if I didn't emphasize how happy Sonic is that Nine came back🥺

ㅤ

Anddddd with about seven minutes left in Episode 6, it's time to cut this part short. We've hit the tumblr media limit on images and videos, as usual😂.

Next time we'll be finishing up Epsiode 6 and, with any luck, we'll be on track to finishing Season 1 of Sonic Prime. Thanks for reading and I'll see you all in the next one!

#sonine #sonine prime #sonic the hegehog #sonic prime #nine sonic prime #nine the fox #miles nine prower #essay time #Kind of a side note but I didn't actually realize until I tackled this part and rewatched the episode that Nine and Sonic...also have #different ideas on what is a 'good' thing to do? Like obviously they have different morals‚ but like #It's just...the concept that Sonic believes a 'good' person (which he believes and hopes Nine is) is someone like him‚ who would logically #place the lives of the innocent and their future over other things #while Nine believes that creating a new *better #world is worth more than trying to help/fix a world of people he believes are beyond saving. And and...and I have to stop or I'm going to d #a character study over Nine and his morality‚ and his judgements for others vs himself #i just be ramblin #Thanks for reading!😊💖#(also if you saw me accidentally post this hours ago...no you didn't)

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saiakv · 9 months ago

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GET TO KNOW ME !

tagged by: @distortedkilling ( thank! ) tagging: anyone who hasn't done it yet!

alias/name : billye!

birthday: in july

height: 1.60cm idk how much that is in feet tbh

hobbies: aside from rp i also sometimes doodle in my spare time & lease a horse for riding/show jumper

favorite color: purple uwu

favorite book: probably The Left Hand of God by Paul Hoffman

last song: Cirice by Ghost

last film/show: ranking of kings, i really like it thus far

recent reads: none available bc i have only been reading things related to work

inspiration: i take a lot of inspo from cultural elements, i.e. researching legends and practices to implement in world building and visuals, especially buddhism related. i like to curate the aesthetic for characters i play, for example associating them with certain flowers such as chrysanthemum for suguru and white lotus for kenjaku. and i listen to music most of the day so yall can imagine the extent of my maladaptive daydreaming is p bad xD

story behind url: ( my brain going on a 3 minute rant abt how I had to change it bc the previous wasn't kenny inclusive ) ... basically it just means the worst, as both geto and kenjaku have earned the title

fun fact about me: i've been a roleplayer on tumblr for 10 yrs at this point but I have never written a muse that wasn't a villain. :)

#out of character.#dash games.#( thanks for the tag! )

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spumonibones · 6 months ago

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Chasing Wings: Ch. 07 Lore/Story

Chapter 07 (Ao3) | Chapter 07 (Tumblr)

Chapter One (Ao3) | Chapter One (Tumblr)

Surprise!!! Two updates this week to say thanks to the two kind souls who have taken the time to leave comments. Your words mean the world!!!

Lore+Notes under cut!

***

LORE/STORY: • Using Anemo to Fly

→ As of version 4.6, of the Anemo Characters listed (playable), only the inhuman ones have been shown using Anemo for flight. We've seen Kazuha utilize his Anemo to do an extended jump, but that's the closest. Scaramouche is a doll with Forbidden Knowledge and experience with Gnosis'... And well the whole... Remembers himself despite erasing his history from the very concept of the world...? We're not getting into that, it'll take too long. At any rate, he can get away with a lot. Xianyun/Cloud Retainer is a bird adeptus, so she has that going. Barbatos is gonna Barbatos. Xiao, I think we've only seen him use Anemo for high jumps thus far?

→ But for the purpose of this fic, Xiao does not have the capacity to use Anemo for flight nor does he have wings anymore (he has tried and found it does not work). Venti does have the capacity, but hasn't figured it out yet.

GAMEPLAY: • Weapons appearing and disappearing: I don't know if there's an in-game explanation for this, but I'm to assume it's Vision-related.

• Xiao can Plunge Attack from any height and walk away. 10/10, one of my hobbies in Genshin.

• Dragon-like creature: if you didn't already guess, it was a Geovishap. The game describes them as being dragon-like, and since dinosaurs don't seem to exist here that's what we're going with.

STORY: • Venti having a panic attack.

→ While never explicitly stated, the fic often alludes to Xiao having anxiety, and with that he has experience in what to do when someone is showing signs of it. Different methods work for different people. In this instance, Xiao is walking Venti through a breathing exercise, trying to help mitigate sensory overload by having him focus on specific things (Xiao's voice as he repeats a mantra, Xiao's heartbeat has a steady rhythm to focus on). Generally it's a bad idea to grab onto someone and hold them when they're panicking, but in this very specific instance Xiao has a valid concern Venti will hurt himself so he temporarily tries to restrain Venti.

→ And no, you still don't get to know what happened with Venti back in Monstady yes thank you, you are so welcome. That's still like... another 10+ chapters away, but less than 15 chapters away.

Chapter 07 Song/Lyrics: "My Goal, Is Your Goal" Song: My Will by Aleah

This song just seemed to really encapsulate where these two are in the fic.

#ChasingWingsLore

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icaruskey · 3 years ago

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I'm sorry I'm even asking, but what on Earth does "transandrophobia truther" even mean. Really poking the beehive with that one, but I've been drowning in the "radfem kool-aid" to borrow your very succinct phrasing, so I might as well, fuck it. - Yours sincerely: a very tired and confused trans man who hasn't been on Tumblr for a while. I'd send this off anon, don't give too much of a shit, but Karen has a reach greater than God it seems.

Basically, "transandrophobia truther" was coined by a person who decided a bunch of trans men loosely associated with a dude called Saint (who initially coined the term transandrophobia) were all bad, white, meanie TMEs who hate trans women despite several of the names belonging to POC trans people and many of the blogs explicitly supporting trans women as well as men and nonbinary identities. All because we want to talk about the issues trans masc people face and call a spade a spade when they're being a fucking idiot.

Let's break this down further...

Saint is considered an Awful Person because someone leaked screenshots from his password protected smut blog. He had been engaging in some squicky kinks that the person who leaked the screenshots decided meant he hated trans women and lesbians (despite all interactions being consensual mind you). They also label him a racist because he had been talking about omegaverse shit with the shorthand "abo", which apparently is also a slur against aboriginal tribes. Because you know, acronyms and shorthand can only mean one thing.

Anyway, this has kicked off a harassment campaign that's apparently lasted for months, and this blog eventually curated a "block list" with pretty much anyone who might've interacted with Saint or other people that's been victim to the harassment perpetuated and continued by two people.

This block list was apparently only supposed to be used by this person's followers, but it alerted every single person on the list through the @ system and of course was spread around. They also have been accepting additional names from anons and the like without apparently doing much background checking so. Yanno. Sure.

The term transandrophobia was created as an alternative to transmisandry in an effort to allow trans men to discuss the unique challenges that trans men face as trans men. Sort of the opposite side of the same coin from transmisogyny if you will (the coin is transphobia, but the metaphor breaks down when you remember intersex and nonbinary people are included in the umbrella as well. lol rip poetic language).

People protested transmisandry because it connected with misandry, which people (who argue against trans men having language to talk and make block lists because one person decided to force their followers to look at squicky kinks) don't believe exists (my feelings on misandry are far more complicated than what can be got into here without a massive derail). Transandrophobia is a step away from misandry, but since it was coined by Saint, people are using that as an excuse to shoot it down.

It's an excuse because elsewhere you find hints of their true intent: not allowing trans men and masc people the language to speak about their issues at all. First, there's the absolute asinine complaint that it's "basically the same thing as transmisogyny," like... okay, yes. They complain it's ripping off transmisogyny like transmisogyny isn't a ripoff of misogyny so. Whatever on that. Then you have people saying we should just use the word transphobia instead, completely ignoring the fact we're wanting to talk about issues that specifically face trans men and people who identify as trans masc. Shit like that.

Then you have the people who believe that trans women are the most oppressed and thus men should never have a say. This is rooted in radfem rhetoric, as with the advent of second wave feminism, one of the main schools of thought was that a radical (lol) shift away from men... wait let's not go so far back for now. That's another massive derail.

Anyway, there's a strong undercurrent of man hating that's been lurking around in feminism since second wave feminism. It's been evident through ideologies like lesbian separatism (see, gold star lesbians and how lesbians often treat bi women) and the "wombyn" movement that I in particular noticed in 2013 on tumblr -- I still believe TERF ideology against trans women is rooted in this explicit anti-man movement, but it was just under people's radar until trans women came more in the spotlight.

This man hating is even within trans circles, as you will often see trans women and femme people declaring T being a poison, hating their manhood and men in general, etc. It's understandable given their transition that they'd feel this way, but it's done in front of and oftentimes to trans men and masc aligned folks as well (re: the one poor trans boy who was talking to a girl and got told T was a poison in a gen chat. The girl apologized but claimed she was right. So this was both in a gen space but directly to a trans boy).

I also have a pet theory about how men are expected to be quiet in feminist spaces, and a lot of trans men and masc folks have grown up understanding the social struggle of women so it's easier for us to sit down and shut up, etc, etc but I won't get into that here cause that's it for explaining how radfem is everywhere let's move onto

TME/TMA mean Transmisogyny Exempt and Transmisogyny Affected. I won't get into the linguistics or where these terms originate, though I think it's from baeddel discourse --

baeddels being a group of trans women who mistakenly believe baeddel is a slur against trans women (and conveniently push out femme men and intersex people from the discussion) and started to "reclaim" the term, becoming extremely cultlike, narrowminded, and man-hating themselves, ending when the core group defended a rapist who had assaulted another member of the core group though there are people who identify with baeddels today

-- while TME/TMA might have its merits in a very limited context, it's become a way to say "trans women (TMA)" and "everyone else (TME)". This is incredibly stupid as it just creates another binary where trans women are the Most Oppressed but it locks the terms down so that they can't even be used properly (a cis woman getting beat up for using the woman's bathroom is, in that moment TMA. But she's not always TMA so...).

Soooo... because Saint is labelled a "bad man," transandrophobia becomes a really convenient scapegoat to try and push trans men from another word they can use to describe their unique situation in life.

But really, they don't want men to have language to speak about the things that hurt them.

Because in their minds men always have privilege... because they think every man is white, able-bodied, neurotypical, financially well-off and/or stable, passes perfectly, and never ends up in a situation where they must either out themselves and/or be forced off their HRT for some reason.

They think the pushback they are receiving is coming from above them (because we're men, so we're automatically above women), but it's not. It's a lateral push because at the end of the day... the world sees us as they do trans women. They don't see woman or man or person. They see trans.

And it's upsetting honestly that they don't understand that.

#transandrophobia

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sugarbundust · 2 years ago

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Blurb and question; Of Snowscapes & Explosions

SPOILERS FOR NEXT CHAPTER

First of all: I had to type this up like four times, because tumblr likes to just eat my text posts. Omg. WHY. Why does CMD+Z for 'undo' (which you could normally use for undoing a text replacement) erase THE ENTIRE POST YOU JUST WROTE? 😭 Who decided this change was GOOD? 😭 It never used to do that!

Okay.

Anyway.

So.

I'm having a conundrum with the next (few) chapter(s).

I decided I'm absolutely breaking this update up into multiple parts, because while trying to trim it down I somehow managed to bloat the chapter up in size to 22k words lmfao (DO NOT ASK ME HOW. I DO NOT KNOW. 😭) And I am not posting that lol (It's bad enough I go over 10k at times for extra long chapters. That would be insane.) However, now that I've found a good spot to slice off at for the next update, it puts me in a pickle because it's in the middle of some stuff I could completely edit out (thus, rendering the update a lot shorter).

For context, this next scene focuses on Bakugou and OC talking while eating. He's discussing a few topics—things he likes and fan stuff regarding All Might, but then turns the tables on OC and starts asking her about things she enjoys—favorite heroes, hobbies, specifics about her quirk and family. Stuff like that.

A nice bonding moment.

This wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that I've been trying to keep OC as vague as possible (since she is supposed to reflect the reader).

My question then becomes: how detailed am I allowed to get with her?

Some readers in the past have asked me to go into more details about these exact things, saying they already see her as her own character and not a stand-in for themselves. They have said it would make her a more interesting character, too, since it would broaden the plot.

And on that point, it's really interesting for me hearing that as the writer of this piece specifically, because I have tons of headcannons for her! 😅 All sorts of info I never bother to add into the story and just kept to myself lol. Stuff she likes. Hobbies. The way she looks. Her family (and extended family). All sorts of thoughts regarding other heroes and pop culture... Her favorite songs, books, etc. I'm constantly thinking of new stuff to add in 😂 I just... never do.

It's not a huge problem for me (or it hasn't been, anyway). And I've indulged a little bit here and there in the past. Ya'll have been kind enough to overlook content regarding her family dynamics, assumed height, food preferences, etc. I just don't know how far I'm allowed to go where people will still be interested.

I've tried to veer on the safe side, not just with canon as a guideline, but also keeping in mind I have a lot of readers from different lifestyles and cultures than myself. I guess I don't want to say she likes XYZ and then readers hate her, or be turned off from her possible perspectives on things. 😅

And I know I'm probably overthinking it; that as the author I can do as I please. But with this story I've tried to be mindful of the reader's point of view since the beginning, and I think that it's also part of the story's charm. I like incorporating your thoughts and feelings. It feels like a bit of a group effort. 🥰 And I don't want to ruin a formula that seems to make most readers comfortable.

I would really love to hear your thoughts regarding this, whichever way you feel. I can continue to write it the way I have, and that wouldn't be a problem (I wouldn't be upset!). But it might be more fun for us if I indulge? I could even ask about some specific opinions from the readers and try to incorporate that, too. It would certainly open up a lot of doors for content I could write.

I have a few things I'm considering revealing in one of these upcoming updates, but I don't want to divulge just yet what that is (Maybe my next blog post). It's not something serious or prominent to the plot, but it's revolving around one of her potential hobbies and possible club activities she partook in at her old school.

I did a lot of research on a few topics for it, but it's just something that I thought was interesting, and not a necessity to the plot. 😂 It's also not something I think a lot of people will care about, so I'm contemplating cutting it specifically because of that. (It's fluff, really. I know I could always just blabber away here to what it is lol but I did think of a way I could incorporate a callback to it in a later chapter if I wanted.)

But yeah, it's late and I'm just rambling at this point lol

With that all out there, I'm going to try and get all my editing and formatting done later today for this chapter (I'm on my way to bed!), that way I can post between late tomorrow night and sometime on Sunday when I get home. Here's to hoping I can finish on time! 💪💪💪 There's still a little bit left to refine! ٩(⁎❛ᴗ❛⁎)۶

#Of Snowscapes & Explosions #blurb #question

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bluecloudious · 3 years ago

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Here's a little rant about Kits and Zanaz canon, cause I have quite a few thoughts that I dunno what else to do with and my head was aching really bad (and I wanted to get smth done), so I decided to share some of the ones that I've been debating for a while (It's pretty long, be warned):

The TL;DR is just the thought names, I guess.

Thought nr 1: They are 100 percent a couple, even in the first comic I posted of them.

I've been thinking about this a lot, whether they were just best friends who had crushes on one another, or if they were just straight up a thing and, yeah. They're just a couple and have been for a while. The written story is now the AU where Zani chickened out of confessing his feelings for so long that he finally was given a deadline. Comics are the canon and in that canon, they got together shortly after becoming agents. Zani occasionally flirts with other people, but that's just kinda a part of his personality and Kits has grown used to it. Their shipname is Kitzan.

Thought nr 2: Kits has no self-confidence.

In the meeting comic I tried to make it a bit noticeable how unhappy he is with himself, but even after transitioning, that fact has only slightly changed. He is his preferred gender now, but he still isn't confident at all about his looks, his voice or what he says, despite how much Zanaz tries to convince him that he's fine. The only thing Zanaz has managed to stop Kits from doing is actually being self-destructive aka Kits starved himself for a while (also hinted at in the comic). That's why he's way chunkier now- cause his body stopped trusting him and gained fat afterwards. All of this isn't really visible or audible in any of the comics, because Kits isn't vocal about it at all. Zanaz is the only person who really even knows it/cares about it. It's also the base for his mostly detail-less design compared to Zani- he's trying not to stick out.

Thought nr 3: They both have a body count

Yeah, they've both killed before, which, for the world they live in, isn't really surprising. It was all in self-defence, don't worry. The amount of rogue agents and grunts that decide to deviate in a violent way is a pretty big percent, so they've had to encounter quite a few of them. Zanaz' preferred weapon is of course the handgun/glock and is the more experienced/lethal of the two. Kits on the other hand is more proficient with knives, his main weapon being a shaving knife he got from Zani. He hasn't had to use it much, but the few times he has, we're pretty desperate. Zanaz also has a body count in the other sense too, but you could probably tell that much already.

Thought nr 4: I still do not think they'll have a happy ending

Sorry, but the happy ending Kits and Zanaz I drew are just a part of an AU as well. There is no malicious reason for why I think they'll die. They just happen to get the short end of the stick, just like most members of the A.A.H.W. We are talking about an agency that has at least three(four if you count that one incident with 2bdamned) very proficient people constantly killing staff. There are so many deaths that they have to use clones, for pete's sake! The amount of time they've already managed to be alive for is quite impressive (I imagine about 3 years).

Thought nr 5: Zanaz is even more protective of his inner feelings than Kits is

Even though Zanaz is very blunt and honest about most things, even some considered private info to most, he is not actually open about how he feels. He hides his negative emotions as much as he possibly can, even from Kits. (This was briefly explored in the written story, also.) The only reason Kits knows this, is because he's caught Zani crying to himself in less visited areas of their main facility, once or twice. Even then he wouldn't say what's wrong, that's how stubborn he is. All Kits could really do when this happened, was hug him and pat his head.

Fun facts that I didn't know how to categorize:

Zanaz is a dog person and Kits is a cat person. They combine to become bird people. (Yes, this is my excuse to draw dog boy Zani at some point.)

Zanaz' and Kits' personalities are based off myself. Of course in an amplified way, but yeah, I relate to them a lot. (Others have claimed to relate as well, which is most pleasant.)

They get their shade colors from RGB. Regular agents have red, Zanaz has green and Kits has blue.

I occasionally draw them during my free time! Most of those pictures I will not be posting to Tumblr, however. Some cause they're just kinda sketches that I don't really see a point in posting and others are just straight up not Tumblr appropriate.

Kits and Zanaz had not dated anyone before each other. Kits cause of insecurity and Zanaz because he didn't want any commitment. They are still very loyal to each other, tho.

The main song I listen to whenever I draw Zanaz is Left Boy- Security Check. Kits doesn't have a song that I listen to and get his vibe, but I am still looking.

Bit of a bonus tangent too:

I'm sorry that most of these are negative. The funni bois are, ya know, funny, and I tend not to make media about them that isn't funny, but I wanted to blabber about how I think they are when not performing a punchline.

When I design characters, I never only think about the positive personality traits. I tend to instead think about what the negatives are, so I can figure out, how they handle it. How they cope and how they've grown from their negative experiences/emotions enchants me.

I've said this before, Kits and Zanaz got created on a whim, basically unintentionally. But, I grew attached to the two idiot agents with different color shades. Thus, I wanted to know more about them.

I think, by now, I've figured them out for the most part. (Thankfully I don't have to give them any family or nothing, cause they're both clones.)

Also, their color scheme is final. If you've noticed, they're shades have changed shade over time. Zanaz' got brighter, while Kits' got darker. The suit color is a random shade every time, cause I just choose a dark shade of gray via slider. Hair color hasn't changed at all, as far as I know. Only Good Ending Zani has darker hair, cause he had it colored.

And, speaking of the Good Ending AU, I don't think I know what to do with the concept. I try to think more into it, but my brain blanks. If anyone wants to draw or write about it, I would be completely fine with it. Might even consider it canon, if none of it conflicts with the established canon. Good Ending AU takes place in the far future, after all.

But, yeah, I think that's it. I'm kinda honestly surprised if anyone actually reads all of this, lol. I hope you found my long-ass tangent about my two silly gay MadCom OCs interesting :)))

#Madness Combat #OC #Info #IT IS VERY LONG #most of it isn't funny haha #KitZan

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msmkcreates · 4 years ago

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A Second Chance at a First Impression Ch. 9: The One With the Croissant

Boss may be taking care of Stretch, but he still has therapy of his own to attend, and therapy always digs up the root of the problem.

-------------

I know it's been a while, but I've had so much going on these last few weeks, some very good (like a promotion) and some very bad,, including dealing with a death of a family member recently so all of my works have been inching along slowly in my documents.

I hope everyone is having a Happy New Year

Warnings: therapy, imposter syndrome, anxiety, working out Boss' issues, discussion of consent and power imbalances

Read on Ao3 with the above link

-or-

Read here on Tumblr

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The clinic was always empty this time of day, the sun sinking down beneath the surrounding buildings, but Boss quite prefers it when there's less people cluttering the lobby and the waiting room.

His therapist was an aging man named John, with kind eyes and a weathered wedding ring polished by worrying fingers over the years. His office was decorated simply with a handful of pictures of his wife and nephews. No children, he had told Boss once, though the why had never quite come to him. In Boss' opinion it was really none of his business, but he did wonder what could stop someone with so much kindness from passing it on.

"How are things with your new job?" John asked, looking over his glasses at him. "I know you've been struggling with your inability to join the workforce, has this helped the negative thoughts go away?"

"It helps to have another income," Boss agreed, his hands folded neatly in his lap. "And it helps that it's family, and so close to home. It isn't what I expected, though."

John hummed, leaning back in his own chair. "How so?"

"Well, to be frank, I expected it to be a nightmare," he chuckled. "Stretch and I get along like baking soda and vinegar on the best of days. Or at least, we used to...it seems like we get along better than he and his own brother now. He's kind, and thoughtful, a little naive but also startlingly wise at times."

"A good change, then?"

Boss hummed, looking down at his hands. "...I'm not sure. It's nice that he usually does what I ask, and it's nice that we don't fight all the time. But I worry that maybe...he still feels the same, deep down."

"As if maybe, he is keeping it to himself out of a sense of duty and gratitude?" John asked. "You worry that he is only this way because you're caring for him."

"...right on the money, as always," he chuckled.

It was something they'd discussed before, the fear that any kindness shown to him was out of a sense of duty, fear, or propriety. When he'd begun his sessions with John, he'd resisted the idea that he treated Red badly, only to find that was exactly what he had done and Red had only gone along with every horrid word because Boss provided protection, safety, and home. With Red's HP he had always just taken it on the chin for the sake of surviving, something they have been parsing out in small quantities and group sessions over the years, limited by Red's stubborn insistence that Boss has nothing to apologize for.

The fear was there, that Stretch was only pretending to like him because of the inherent power Boss holds being his caregiver. He worries that fear rules their relationship, that Stretch is only being kind because Boss is helping him.

"Is it wrong of me to assume that you might hold feelings for Stretch?"

Boss felt his face flush as he looked up swiftly, bristling slightly in embarrassment. "I, well, that is...I don't know what you mean."

"Correct me if I'm wrong,but every time we talk about Stretch recently, it's all very positive. Your posture changes, and you smile more. Before the accident, any time we spoke of him it was as if you'd eaten something sour, but now it's like I've just offered you your favorite candy." John leaned back in his chair, his eyes twinkling knowingly. "Is it fear of your power in the relationship that keeps you from recognizing these feelings?"

Boss hummed, looking out the minnow over the nearby park. Stretch sat there, on a bench where he had left him to wait, and he got up to walk over to the window and pulled the sheer curtain aside to look at him more properly.

He'd bought him a croissant, in the hopes he'd eat it, but looked like the soft-hearted man had felt bad for the birds with little food, as he was tearing pieces off it to feed to the growing number of cardinals and winter wrens surrounding him. They pecked at the snowy ground and hopped around his feet, and Boss could almost hear him talking to them, telling them to wait their turn as if they understood English, and he chuckled.

"Feelings are irrelevant. I only want him to get better. I want to see him smile more, to see him happy." Boss let the curtain fall back into place. "I'm his friend now, but I'm also his caregiver. If I made a move on him, wouldn't that put pressure on him to say yes, even if he didn't want to? Would he feel as if he owed me? As much as I may want him, I don't want that."

"Consent is very important, and being on unequal footing can compromise it," John agreed. "Have you spoken with him about these thoughts? Being clear in your motives and your wish for consent?"

"Heavens no," Boss chuckled, grasping his hands together as he turned back to the couch. "I think I'd much rather eat a cactus than talk about my feelings. As you know."

"Do you think that's very fair?"

"To him?" Boss asked.

"To yourself."

Boss paused, squeezing his hands together as he thought on that. "...I'm not sure. I'm not even sure what I feel for him is romantic or platonic. I can't tell if it's happiness at finding a true friend or...something more. Or if it's just the amount of time together, or just guilt. I think it'd be a disservice to tell him how I feel if it turns out I'm wrong."

"That seems sound," John said, leaning back in his chair. "Perhaps you should explore your feelings deeper?"

Boss shook his head. "I'm not so sure I want to."

"And why is that?"

"I...I'm not good for him. I'm dangerous, my LV is... so high, and only one hit from me, even with higher HP that he has now, would destroy him. What if I lose myself one day?"

"Do you think knowing you cared for him would increase the chance of that happening?" John asked. "Currently you are spending about as much time together as any married couple. Do you still thinks he is in danger from your presence?"

"Well...I guess you have a point." Boss fidgeted with his fingertips. "Maybe I was the wrong person to look after him."

"That isn't what I meant," John chuckled, standing from his chair. "I think all feelings are worth exploring, Papyrus. If you understand yourself, you can begin to make the changes you want to see. It's worked thus far with your brother, hasn't it?"

Boss smiled wryly. It was true, his relationship with Red was leagues better now than it had ever been, just from understanding and changing his behavior.

"...I will think on it." He reached out to shake John's outstretched hand. "Thank you again, John. Have a lovely weekend and say hello to the missus."

"I gave you that croissant to feed yourself, not the birds."

"I always do," John promised.

--------

Stretch looked up at Boss with bright eyelights, smiling wide from beneath the many birds perched on his outstretched arms. And legs. And head. And any semi-flat surface they could sit on.

"but it's so cold! where are they gonna get their food?"

Boss chuckled, the puffy jacket he was wearing rising and falling with his shoulders in a shrug. "They're winter birds. They eat nuts and berries and whatever else. They know how to get what they need, unless people keep feeding them so they never learn how to do it themselves."

Stretch smiled sheepishly. "...oops?"

Boss stepped closer, and in a flurry of wings, all his new bird friends took off into the chilly winter air. He watched them flutter off, scattering into the sparse park trees.

"I suppose I'm too scary for your birds," he sighed, sitting beside him on the bench. "And you? Am I too scary?"

"too scary? no, you're the best!" Stretch answered, and Boss noted the lack of hesitation with faint pride before he even registered the compliment. "who else is gonna buy me croissants to feed the birds with? blue just says i can't live off bread and gives me something lame, like a salad or green beans."

"Hmm, so I shouldn't make shepherd's pie for dinner tonight?" Boss asked, smirking over at him as he gave a look of disbelief. "Well, since you've decided to live off croissants…"

"noooo! i want the pie!" Stretch whined, leaning on him and tugging on his sleeve. "please! you cook so much better than blue!"

"Don't let him hear you say that," Boss laughed, gently removing his hands from his arm. "If we want shepherd's pie, we need to go to the grocery store. Are you up for it?"

"...can we also get some more honey?" Stretch asked, standing with him and trying his best to look cute. Looking cute seemed to get him what he wanted with Boss, and to his delight he got an amused smirk.

Boss turned, jerking his head so he would follow. "If you're good, we can get whatever you want. Come on, then."

#ascaafi #a second chance at a first impression #spicyhoney #papcest #finally figured out the readmore eeeyyyy #amnesia fic

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shinahbee · 4 years ago

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October Favorites 2020!

Hello!

i'm going to start bringing these favorites of the month from my deviantart to here on tumblr. Hopefully you will find something good out of the things that I have been liking recently, please leave in the comments anything that you have been liking this month ( books, manga, anime, tv shows...etc) I have been a little uninspired for a while, but I'm still working on a few new digital art pieces as well as continuing my painting hobby, so there's a lot of content on the way!

okay so on to the things that I've been liking this month.

So if you've seen my latest digital art " who's baby is it?" I have been delving into web toons which I have not read other than mo dao zu shi since I watched the anime and It just suddenly stopped after season 2. I thought reading the web toon would answer some of those questions i had. It lead me to reading a bunch of webtoons all in the shounen ai category for some reason...lol. and I've been really liking some of the stories, Until this point web toons never really interested me since I've been reading manga since I was younger , so i've been used to just seeing the black and white pages of art, since web toons have coloured pages, it makes me appreciate the effort they used to colour every panel, so a lot of work went into these so i appreciate it for what it is even if the story inst great.

let me preface by saying that even though i'm delving into BL, i've been exposed to yaoi ever since I was in high school by one of my best friends, she lent me her favorite anime which was " gravitation" and all remember was wanting a man that was like yuki...lol. don't we all?

since then I have been reading some yaoi manga...only ones that are NOT predicated on sexual violence and abuse, which I know is prevalent in this category, I just don't like it and the message it sends, so i avoid that all together.

unless of course it has a particular message it wants to convey, not glorifying it. if that makes sense.

okay so here are my recommendations, i'll give a very brief summary of each of them

Manga/Manhwa:

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Who's baby is it?

- “a man named yi yun wanted to be an actor and is part of an acting company for several years and still was not successful, apparently it was because he was born with really bad luck, so to change his life perspective he decided that he wanted to be a surrogate father and donate his sperm to a surrogate mother in order to have a child that is his blood. So he and his child were living happily together through yi yuns work periods and suddenly there is a man that claims he is the child's actual blood related father and wanted to take the child into his custody.”

please read the summary I have in my fan art, I've wrote my thoughts on this manhwa.

To be or not to be

- “A company president diagnosed with cancer and died has been transmigrated into his favorite novel, where he was reborn as the antagonistic emperor that the main character defeats in the end, on top of which the main lead is currently the captive of said emperor, so in order to survive he will do anything to protect the protagonist and make sure he stays alive inside the novels universe.”

oh to be or not to be that is the question...lol. it really is. currently is is one of my favorites, I like how modern day people can look at the acts of history and modify certain things so that it would less likey repeat itself for the worse, we need this sort of mentality at this moment...

Social temperature

- “Song Yuan is indifferent when dealing with people he is an elite student at T- university as a science major, one day his friend started to question his sexuality and set him up with a month trial dating app as a joke, as soon as he went to delete the app on his phone, he was suddenly matched with a boy named "Mu", who turns out to be his classmate/ rival in his science program, his named is Xaio Mu , he is an exchange student abroad and got into this elite science program, hoping to meet new friends he approached song yuan and proceed to converse with him only to be ridiculed by him saying that he wears too much perfume and it made him sick so then he became the class social outcast.But after using the app to converse with "Mu"...song yuan became curious as to what he is actually like...using the fake name and bio of " Andrew " they start to get to know each other more.”

omg , this is triggering for me, since Mu is basically me a few years ago when I was also in a medical science program minus the talking on tinder thing lol, I felt as though everyone in that program was in it for themselves and I didn't not like the how people think they are entitled to everything...that's why i'm not in it no more.lol. there are a few plot holes in the story that I don't really get but other than that I really like this story I read the chapters that are out so far like 3 times cause I'm waiting for the rest to be translated. I also actually read the Novel by the same author of the manhua called " social outcast" so if you just want to read it in text format please read that novel instead, I like the novel up to a point and then it didn't really make sense after wards..lol.

so i can't say that i recommended it completely. Also Mu's character design I really like, thus i'm going to make a fan art of him soon...omg he's so beautiful, i'm in love lol.

Salad Days ( tang liu zang)

- “This is the story between a young innocent ballet boy and a passionate, determined boxing boy. The two met at the children’s palace, and since then, they have grown up together supporting each other. May there be hardships, may there be obstacles, yet they never stopped pursuing their dreams. The beauty of the salad days is the sweat from the hard work and the bonding of friendship. Although they have completely different paths set up for them, what never changes is their beautiful friendship.”

wow this story so far is really beautiful, I was in ballet for 3 years so it was slightly relatable to me, I feel like the over all message is that people sacrifice a lot for their dreams and if you are very passionate about it, there's no on that can really stop you, the only one that can stop you is you. I can't wait to see this story progress further

K-dramas:

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it okay to not be okay - this probably has been mentioned as everyone's favorite, but rightfully so, I really like ko mun young's character as a person who seems like an assertive and powerful woman, but is suffering from a social disorder. and how moon gang tae has to not only deal with mental patients at his job but also his older brother being autistic, he himself is suffering from mental illness. this drama is something not a lot of dramas portray in dealing with mental illness and how the patients/ loved ones are feeling when watching them go through it all. I liked the story and the message and it made me cry in every episode, so fair warning...have tissues beside you as you watch.

itaewon class- I was not going to watch this because of the mixed reviews but I did any ways, and it was really good, a really good depiction of how money and power isn't the end all be all , and being happy is really the best revenge you can get, it also addresses racism and prejudice on one character and sexism on a trans-gendered woman. I also think this is a story that protrays something that really hasn't been exposed to in k-dramas specifically. It depends on your morals and what you understand so far in your life wether you would like this drama or not, so i understand the mixed reviews that it gets, but for me it was a really good story.

Anime/ TV shows:

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I don't have any anime recommendations this month mainly cause I have not been watching any, but there are some that i might watch soon so I will list those below, let mew know if any of you have seen them and should I be watching them.

- Nobelese

-yasha hime ( inuyasha new series)

-Haikyuu new season

-heavens official blessing ( same author of mo dao zushi) - just started watching

-scum bag saving system- just started watching

Music :

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so I have just been listening to a lot of OSTs,

I really recommend the itaewon class soundtrack, all the songs are so good!

my favorite on is " crush- No words "

also my friend has been sending me NCT and super M practice videos so I've been listening to their music as well, please listen to make a wish by NCT U, it has been stuck in my head and I cant get it out...lol.

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that's all for this October faves summary. please comment below if anything interested you for the month of October, I would also like to read your recommendations as well, please also take care of yourselves especially now with all that's escalating in the world.

take care!

sheena

#monthly favorites #anime and manga #journal #manhwa #october favorites #drama favs #kdrama #manga favorites #whos baby is it #salad days #social temperature #to be or not to be

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