#tumblr eating my asks in the queue is not something i want to deal with when i'm feeling the worst i've ever felt in my life

[superfruitland]

...so no asks? /ref /lh

gonna ask for more patience and apologise for getting your hopes up, but i appreciate the reference

[canon-in-too-deep]

Love Comes With Extra Pickles

I've decided to release the beginning of my unfinished Durgetash fast food au out onto my tumblr, where it may overgraze and ruin the landscape as it roams. Love Comes With Extra Pickles A modern day fast food Baldur's Gate au. Rating: T Relationship: Gortash/Dark Urge (called Tav) Wordcount: ~3.6k (Also I wrote this around Christmas so, uh, that's why there's some weird holiday references)

Beginning below the break.

It was a muggy day in early December.  The overcast weather made the sea look like a gray silk sheet tossed out into the wind, and the once vibrant colors of fall were now muted as the promise of rain clung to the air.  

Enver Gortash climbed off his silver motorcycle, and tucked his helmet away as he stretched his legs in the parking lot of Hellrider’s Kitchen.  The smell of french fries and grease mingled with that of saltwater.  Fast food wasn't his preferred fare, but after a long day at work and then a tedious commute of weaving between rows of traffic, he wanted to just grab something quick to eat before he headed back to his loft. 

It had been ages since he’d last been in a Hellrider’s Kitchen, Gortash mused, as he twirled his keys in one hand and strolled towards the entrance.  The franchise had exploded out of Elturel and now had at least one shop in every city of the Sword Coast.  Their food tended towards the spicier side of things, but it was a flavor that Gortash had long grown up with, and he at least preferred spicy to the slimy and briny slop they served over at Balduran’s Burgers (‘Baldurans’ Burgers, Eat Like An Emperor!’ was their trite slogan).  It was a quick and efficient solution to sate his hunger and refuel his caffeine stores when his awaiting fridge was empty and the nearest Coffee Grove was overflowing with a line of hippies and teens—two demographics he didn't care to endure over any period of time.

The electronic doorbell dinged as he crossed the threshold of the eatery, passing the cardboard cutout of a caricature knight astride a disproportionate horse.  A crimson, fur trimmed santa hat had been placed atop the knight’s helmeted head—a touch of holiday cheer amidst the glaring fluorescent lights that bounced off the red, yellow, and white tiles of the floor.  

Gortash’s gaze flickered over the half filled plastic tables and stools that were scattered across the left side of the eatery.  To the right, prop shields and swords that looked like they belonged on a C-list medieval movie set were hung up on the wall, bracketing the framed certification that promised that this establishment had, at one point, been deemed suitable enough to serve consumables in.  A few more cheap attempts at decor in the form of tacky tinsel garlands and strings of tiny bells adorned the counter, in front of which was a short queue of customers that curved out around black stanchions topped with striped bows.

Gortash took up his place at the back of the line and absently checked his phone, flipping through the tedious emails from work he'd have to respond to and deleting the incoherent text messages from Orin that were mostly just gorey pics she'd found on the internet—at least, he hoped she had found them on the internet.

He opened up the group chat and checked to see if Thorm had finally sent the confirmation info he had asked for.

Ketheric Thorm [4:58 PM]

I have finalized the deal with the Zhents.  - Ketheric Thorm

Enver Gortash [5:00 PM]

Good.  Send us the receipt. Ketheric Thorm [5:07 PM]

How do I do that? - Ketheric Thorm Enver Gortash [5:07 PM] Thorm.  Save the image of the receipt.  Then go to this group chat and pick the photo you want to send. Ketheric Thorm [5:17 PM] How do I save it? - Ketheric Thorm Enver Gortash [5:17 PM] Tap and hold, then click ‘Save To Photos’.

Ketheric Thorm [5:28 PM] Now how do I proceed to show the group? - Ketheric Thorm Enver Gortash [5:29 PM] You’re in the group chat now.  Click the button in the bottom corner and select the image of the receipt.  Hit send.

Ketheric Thorm [5:46 PM]

What button? - Ketheric Thorm

Orin de Red [5:47 PM]

OMFG THE BUTTON THAT LOOKS LIKE A CAMERA YOU SHRIVELED SACK OF SINEW

Accompanying Orin’s last text was a dozen knife emojis followed by a dozen heart emojis.  And Ketheric still hadn't sent the copy of the receipt.  Gortash punched the bridge of his nose, closed the chat and tucked his phone back into his pocket.

He sighed.  He was never truly off the clock when it came to his job at Bane, Bhaal, & Myrkul.  Climbing the ranks of the company had long been his goal, one that he had utterly devoted himself.  Over the years, he had clawed and charmed his way to the top to serve as Bane’s personal chosen assistant, snatching up whatever control and power he could find along the way.  Unfortunately, his position under Bane meant working closely with the right hands of the other two partners in the company.  And that meant managing Ketheric’s tediousness while simultaneously wrangling Orin’s madness, and praying that their brittle workplace relationship would endure long enough until Gortash got his next promotion.  Still, he could deal with his inept colleagues after he’d sated his appetite and refueled on caffeine.

At last, the person in front of him finally paid and got out of the way.  Gortash stepped up to the register, glancing at the menu board hanging above the counter.

“Welcome to Hellrider’s Kitchen,” came the empty enthusiasm of the cashier.  “We swear an oath to flavor.  What can I get you today?”

“I'll have a number three and an extra large coff—”  Gortash eyes widened as he looked at the cashier, and he suddenly froze.  

There, right in front of him, was none other than Tav.  Tav.

Tav, Bhaal’s favorite child. The one that the senior partner had hand chosen and trained to rise through the ranks of the company.  The one that had cleaned house and crushed any and every sniveling coward that dared to step out of line.  The one that had combined ruthlessness and efficiency into one divine form dressed in a blazer and a killer smile.  The one that had spent countless hours working alongside him, toiling away at their ambitious schemes and grand designs.  The one that had fucking crushed his plans when she’d disappeared without even a goodbye.

His Tav.

Gods, how long had it been?  One year?  Two years?  Three?  It felt like their history had been dragged into the depths of eternity, but at the same time, the image he had held of her in his mind was one that felt as real and vibrant as the woman before him.  

Time seemed to stop completely now as he took her in.  And he saw that she was still the same.  Sure, her hair was longer now and worn up in a ponytail, and she was dressed in that tacky red and yellow uniform, but she was still the same.

The same nose that seemed to wrinkle up in unfettered judgment.  The same lips that pressed together and looked like they could utter gut wrenching curses or sneering false praises.  And the same eyes, that were so bold and defiant and utterly piercing, with an underlying glimmer of barely contained murderous annoyance.

A single syllable slipped from his uncharacteristically paralyzed lips.  “...Tav?”

Her name hung in the air between them.  And he felt the anticipation of the question build up, until she blinked at him, and gave her answer.

“Yes?” was all she said back.

Gortash swallowed dryly, and quickly recomposed himself, tugging down his coat collar and making sure his shirt was smoothed of any wrinkles.

“Tav,” he said again, more pointedly this time.

She glanced down at her name badge where T-A-V was written in black sharpie.  Then she looked back up at him.  Sounding slightly exasperated, Tav said, “Yes?  That's my name.  Do you need help with the menu?  I recommend smiting your fries.  It gets you an extra serving of our radiant ranch dipping sauce.”

Gortash frowned, and leaned forward a bit, placing his hands on the counter that separated them.  “Tav, it's Enver Gortash.  Surely you must remember me.”

She blinked.  

“Oh.”  She parted her lips hesitantly.  “Uh, yea, sorry, I don't.  I had an accident a few years back, and my memory's been a bit of a mess since.”

“When you didn’t show up at Moonrise, I…  I thought you'd left me,” Gortash said to her, completely ignoring the line behind him.  

“I what?”  Tav’s brow scrunched up.  “Look, whoever you thought you knew, that was a long time ago and I'm a different person now.  I think.  Or so I've been told.  Anyway, I'm sorry if I wronged you or anything and forgot about it.  Really sorry.  So, if you'd like to place an order, I do have other customers that—

“Hells, Tav, I've missed you,” Gortash said, eyes only on her.  “Come back with me.”

“Uuuuh like I said, I don't know you, dude,” Tav said.  “Sorry if I forgot, but if you're not going to order anything, I have to ask you to step out of the line.”

“Forget the goddamn line,” Gortash said, leaning in closer.  Tav backed away, squirming behind the register.  “You have to remember me.  Tav, we were good for each other, we could still be good for each other—”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, mister.” “We were on the cusp of perfection, you and I.  We were poised to take over the entire company—” “Sure, sure.  Look, I have other customers waiting—” “Tav, you were my favorite fellow assistant at the company.  I tolerated Orin, but I liked you—”

Tav backed away from the counter and gave him a sharp look.  “I'm getting my manager.”

“Wait!”  Gortash reached out for her, but the counter was in the way.  He let his hand fall back to his side.  A thousand questions and a million commands roared through his mind, but a resigned sigh was all that came out.  “Just…give me the number three with an extra large coffee.”

She eyed him cautiously.  Then took a small step forward.  “Will that be for here or to go?”

There was a pause as he gritted his teeth.

“...to go.”

She rang him up.  He took out his wallet and paid.

As he took his receipt, he looked her in the eyes, and with a tinge of bitterness on the tip of his tongue, he said, “Keep the change.”

~~~

Tav squirmed behind the register as Enver Gortash stared at her from beneath his tousled black hair, dark gaze emphasized further by the dark circles under his eyes.  He looked like one of the shaggy raccoons that kept trying to get into the dumpster out back, as he stood stiffly by the counter and waited for his order.  That thought might have made her laugh, if she weren't so mortified.

She did her best to remain professional, and kept punching away at the keypad as the next customer placed their order.  Working at a fast food chain meant she had experienced her fair share of weirdos.  But having to deal with this particular weirdo was making her heart race beneath the cheap cloth of her button up uniform. Tav chewed her lip.  

Gortash had seemed to buy into her lie, at least.

And it had been a lie.

Because, while Tav had actually been in an accident two years back—which had led to her cutting herself off from her own family, starting therapy with Withers, and completely changing her worldview—her bad memory was not so bad as to forget her ex.

Her bloody ex. Gortash.

Her Gortash. Tav cursed her luck.  

The Enver Gortash she remembered would never have popped into a fast food joint like this.  He had been brilliant and arrogant and callous and cutthroat, and keen to show off with the wealth and influence he had built for himself.  Cheap burgers and coffee were the sort of late night comfort foods she would have been the one to bring to their dates to mock him with.  But never him.  He would have taken her out to the fanciest restaurant with more stars to its name than one could see in the smoggy city skies.  And he would have smirked at her from across the table and poured her wine older than both of them as they laughed and planned and performed their dance as Bane and Bhaal’s chosen ones.  Yet, here he was, in the middle of Hellrider’s Kitchen, dressed in a gaudy leather jacket and a black button up shirt that had far too many buttons undone, standing so out of place against the brightly colored cheesy decor.  

Gortash looked the same.  Same carefully tousled hair, same five o clock shadow, same blue steel eyes so dark they were almost black.  The clothes might have been a bit fancier.  And the circles underneath his eyes seemed to be a bit darker than they had been before, with a few more creases joining them around the edges.  But he was still the same.

Tav tried not to sweat from the heat of the grill and the intensity of his gaze.  Her panicked lie had been a half truth; the initial shock of the accident had left her mind scrambled.  Ever since, she always forgot what she needed when she went to the grocery store unless she brought a list.  But the accident hadn’t been so bad as to completely erase the unofficial relationship she had been in with her father’s business partner’s (decently) handsome and (relatively) young assistant.  

Instead, that accident had been a wake up call for Tav.  In life or death experiences, some people claimed to see a white light, or a flashback of all their past deeds.  What Tav had seen instead had been a reflection of herself, hollow and empty in the reflection of the doctor’s visor.  And she looked utterly miserable, alone, and bitter. That was the first step.  The first step, towards realizing that there was more to life than making money and amassing influence through the suffering of others.  That the cutthroat, cruel world her father wanted her in wasn’t the one that she wanted.  That she yearned for a relationship not built upon power plays and manipulation, but a genuine one, full of compassion and hope.

She knew that it started out as selfish.  And yes, even two years later, she still knew she had a very long way to go to truly be a better person.  But the more she strayed from her father and his company—and the more she spent time practicing empathy and compassion—the more she began to think that she could maybe, truly, someday, become worthy of being a better person.  And that small kernel of hope kept her going.

With her new outlook, came new friends.  And her new friends were an important, guiding influence on her, teaching her that people could actually care, without money or power or influence hanging over their heads like a guillotine, and that she could care in turn.  They had been the ones to really show her how bad the environment at Bane, Bhaal, and Myrkul’s had been.  

As for Gortash—well, he was so devoted to the company that surely he would have continued to be just as bad an influence on her if she’d stayed in touch.  He was a prick and an arse.  He got good people like Karlach fired and his morality was as loose as his half-laced shirt.  He was a controlling, manipulative bastard who had only tolerated Tav in so much as she had been brutal and cruel herself.  And he would have tried to drag her back down to the depths she was trying to escape.  Or so she told herself.

Really, when she’d deleted his number and blocked him two years ago, she had figured he would have moved on and forgotten her in turn.  That he would prove to be just as selfish and apathetic and incapable of love as she’d tried to convince herself that he was.  

But now, Gortash’s words echoed in her ears, as she counted out change to pass to the customer in front of her.

‘I tolerated Orin, but I liked you.’  Why did he have to come back, after all this time, when she had worked so hard to build a new life for herself out of the shadows of depravity and the cycle of viciousness she had been entrenched in?  Why did he have to speak to her with such fervor in his voice that made her question ever leaving him behind?  

She felt shame and guilt stir up in her just as much as embarrassment.  One look at him and she was backsliding into her deceitful ways.  He made a hypocrite of her.  She knew this.  But she did not know what else he would make of her if he knew the truth.

“Ahem.  Tav.  I seem to have come off stronger than I intended.”

Tav blinked again, and realized that the line had cleared, and Gortash had taken the opportunity of the gap to approach her at the counter once more. “I do apologize for my enthusiasm.  Orin said you’d left me, but I never forgot about you,” he said, in that low sultry voice of his that settled so familiarly in the depths of Tav’s chest like a fine sip of whiskey.  “If the past is lost to you, let me clear up some mysteries, then.  We share so much history.”

“Uh, no thanks,” she said as politely as she could.

He gave her a look that she couldn’t quite read.  It might have been disappointment, or it might have been calculating, or it might have been something far away in between.

“Well, at least let me give you my number in case you change your mind,” Gortash said.  And he pulled out a black wallet with a golden clasp.  He plucked a sharply printed business card from the folds, and slid it across the counter towards her. Tav glanced down at it.  Her heart continued to drum a rapid beat.  “Look, I—” She was cut off, as her coworker came up next to her and plopped a tray on the counter.  “Order for Gor-trash!”

“Gortash,” the man in question corrected, irritably. Tav picked up the cup of coffee and the paper bag and practically shoved it into his arms.  “Here you go, have a blessed day.  Bye!” Gortash’s eyes lingered on hers, and she couldn’t help but notice the heat of his hands—her own brushing against his as she let go of the paper bag. “I’m going to take my break.  Cover me,” Tav said to her coworker.  And Tav logged off of the register and quickly headed towards the breakroom. Tav retreated into the breakroom and collapsed into a cracked plastic seat next to the sad Charlie Brown-esque fake Christmas tree HR had set up.  Beneath the glow of the cheap twinkling lights and the harsh filters of the overhead fluorescents, she buried her head in her arms.  And proceeded to have a mild crisis.

Everything was okay, Tav reminded herself, as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to reign in and calm the flustered thoughts that were multiplying and bouncing against the sides of her skull.

Tab bit her lip.  She replayed the moment when his black ice gaze had turned towards her and thawed in recognition.  His surprise had ripped through that confident, composed mask he always wore, and it would have mirrored her own if she hadn't recognized him first a second sooner and had had the briefest of moments to school her expression.  

Gods, her stomach felt like it was trying to unknot itself.  Her palms were sweaty, and she felt like her heartbeat was playing along to “The Little Drummer Boy.”   

Parum-pa-pum-pum.

Someone tapped her on her shoulder, and Tav nearly jumped out of her skin.

“Sorry!  Didn't mean to scare you.” Tav glanced up, and saw one of her coworkers—Lia—peering down at her.  Lia’s long dark hair fell across half her face like a curtain as she tilted her head.

“It's okay,” Tav said, giving a weak smile.  “Just jittery at the end of my shift.” “Ooof, I know how that goes.  Especially running the register,” Lia said with a sympathetic look.  She pressed something into Tav’s hand.  “By the way, you left this at the counter.” “Oh.  Thanks,” Tav said, automatically.  She looked down at the matte black business card. “Are you okay?” Lia asked her.  “That guy wasn’t being an arse, was he?” “...he kind of was.  But I kind of was, too,” Tav admitted. “Well that sounds like something juicy,” Lia said, raising her brows.  “But, I totally understand if you don’t want to share.  Just know, I’m sure that whatever he did was waaaay worse than what you could ever do.” “Thanks,” Tav said, and she tried to give her a small smile.  She wasn’t sure if she could quite agree with that last statement. “And you know I’m totally down to stalk that guy’s socials for you and drag him for all his embarrassing pics, right?” 

Tav managed a shaky laugh.  “Thank you, Lia.  But it’s alright.  Really.  Really.” “Okay, then.  I better get back out there.”  Lia gave her one last look, before turning and leaving the breakroom. And Tav was left to contemplate the business card in her hand.  She turned it over, and traced the embossed golden letters, almost wondering if they would rub off at her touch. Enver Gortash.

He didn’t mean anything to her.  Not anymore.  Not after how far she had come.  No, she was in a better place now.  She was here.  And here, he was just an annoying customer, a blip during her shift.  And nothing needed to change.

Tav paused.  And shook her head, flicking the business card into the trash can.  She whispered her thoughts out loud to herself, as if it were a spell that would stave off the unsettled feeling her in gut.

“...nothing needs to change.”

[kalimagik]

You Are My Home

Ron Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Abusive father, alcoholism 

A/N: This lil fic was requested by @obsessedwithrandomthings <3 Congrats on 300 love! The prompts were “kiss me” and “you make me feel safe.” My requests are OPEN! and there is a prompt list somewhere on my dash if you’d like to request something. I was planning on posting this 2 hours ago, but tumblr got annoying and deleted it from my queue. So reblog, comment, like, all that fun stuff pleasssse! Feedback always welcome! Happy reading! 

Not my GIF - credit to owner

Summers at the Burrow were always crazy, but relaxing at the same time. Molly gave her children chores each day, but there was plenty of time for playing quidditch, pranking, and roaming around the muggle village nearby.

While Hogwarts brought excitement and adventure, the Burrow brought time for rejuvenation, well that was when the twins weren’t picking on Ron. But, it was home. It was where he felt the most comfortable, especially when Harry and Hermione were around. Yep, summers at the Burrow were the best place for a kid to grow up.

*Knock, knock, knock*

Being the last one awake, Ron slid off the couch and crept to the door. Ron glanced at the real clock on his way through the kitchen, which read 11:30. Who could be knocking this late at night?

Ron swung the door open to come face to face with Y/N L/N. She was definitely more Ginny’s friend than his, but she was always kind to him and vice versa. And, if he was being honest, he always did have a crush on her. She was so full of life and brightened the lives of everyone who knew her.

“Uhhh, hi. I’m sorry. I was hoping to catch Ginny. But now that I’m realizing what time it is, I realize that that was a silly notion.”

Y/N wouldn’t meet Ron’s eyes, but he could hear the shakiness and uneven vibrato in her voice. When she sniffled, he knew that she had been crying.

“I should go,” she whispered, turning from Ron.

“No, wait. Why don’t you come in. It’s late. I don’t even know how you got here, but it probably wasn’t easy.”

Y/N just nodded and stepped through the doorway. She stood in the kitchen, looking like she didn’t really know what to do, but Ron watched as she timidly wiped her eyes. He knew she was trying to hide whatever she was feeling.

“Are you okay?” Ron blurted out. He couldn’t stand seeing her hear like this.

“I don’t want to bother you with it. Would it be okay if I just waited down here for Ginny? You don’t have to wait up with me, I can just sleep on the couch.”

“No, you can sleep in my room. I’ll sleep on the couch.” If she didn’t want to talk to him, that was fine, but there was no way that he was letting her sleep on that lumpy couch in the living room.

“I don’t want to put you out.” This was not her, not at all.

“You won’t be. I’m sure of it. You may just have to mind the ghoul in the attic,” Ron warned with an airy chuckle. “I’m the room on the top floor. You can’t go any further. Go ahead up. There are t-shirts in the top drawer, you can use one of those for bed.”

Y/N just nodded before turning to walk up the stairs. Before she could get out of Ron’s sight, she paused and looked back at him. “Thank you, Ron,” she said quietly. Even though there weren’t many words, Ron knew that his actions meant the world to her, he could just feel it.

Once he was sure that Y/N was in bed, Ron got comfortable on the couch or as comfortable as he could. He stared at the ceiling wondering why Y/N had just shown up like that. Molly would have no problem with her being there, but it was still strange.

Ron woke up to Ginny, Fred, and George standing over him.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Fred grinned.

“Fall asleep dreaming about a mermaid?” George teased.

“Shove off,” Ron groaned as he rolled over.

“Why are you down here anyways?” Ginny questioned.

At that, Ron shot up, Y/N. “Gin, I think you might want to go up to my room.”

“I’m NOT dealing with the Ghoul again, Ronald.”

“No, no, no. I didn’t sleep down here because of a ghoul. Y/N showed up late last night. She seemed upset. I told her to sleep in my room.” Ginny was out of the room before Ron could even finish his sentence. Her footsteps pounded loudly on the steps. If anyone was still sleeping in the house, they weren’t anymore.

“What do you think that was about?” George wondered out loud.

“Girls are strange beings…” Fred followed, shaking his head.

Ron followed the twins into the kitchen for breakfast, constantly looking at the stairs for Ginny and Y/N’s feet. Breakfast was filled with jokes from the twins and Percy telling them off.

“MUUUUM!” Ginny called from up the stairs, maybe about halfway up.

Ron watched intently for any sign as Molly rushed up the stairs. She didn’t even question it. She had to know that Y/N was in the house by now. Why was he feeling so uneasy about this? Playing with his eggs until Molly emerged again.

“Well dears, it seems that we will be having a guest for the next few weeks,” Molly smiled as she pulled out another plate and set of utensils. “Ronald, you could have woken me up when she arrived last night,” Molly informed him.

“Sorry. You went up so long before she got here,” Ron tried to explain.

“Wittle Ronnikins gave his room up to the pretty girl,” Fred mocked.

“She needed it. You don’t get it.” Ron spat back at him. Ron didn’t know why, but he felt the need to protect her. He needed to pave the path for everything to be alright with her.

“Good morning again,” Ginny said, announcing her re-arrival downstairs.

Ron whipped around fast enough to see Y/N coming down the stairs behind Ginny, smiling timidly at the family she knew so well. This just so wasn’t like her.

“How’d you sleep?” he found himself asking in spite of himself. Maybe he should have just kept quiet.

“Well, thank you. But you can have your bed back. I’m going to stay in with Ginny.” She smiled at him, well what seemed like a genuine smile. Maybe last night was just a fluke and she would be her normal self by this afternoon.

“Y/N, dear. Have some breakfast. I will send an owl to Arthur and tell him to pick up your things.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Weasley.” Something still seemed off about her. Ron looked up slightly, but not enough for his brothers to catch him. He watched her slowly eat the food placed in front of her. He watched the twinge of pain shoot across her face when she turned too quickly to respond to something Percy said. He watched her.

He watched and noticed things in the weeks following the night of her arrival too. She was happier each day, growing more comfortable and relaxed in a way that someone could only do at the Burrow. Ron started spending more time with her too. She would offer to help them all with their chores and some days Ron got lucky. She’d help him all day. She was her playful self. Spraying water at him while they tended to the garden, keeping the clippers out of his reach. It was all the Y/N he was used too.

Ron even got to spend some late nights talking to her. Like him, she was a night owl. She’d stay up until she was practically falling asleep next to him on the couch or outside on the grass. She was at her cutest when she was tired, giggling and trying to keep her eyes open for as long as possible. Ron just adored it.

It was another one of those nights when just Ron and Y/N were still awake with everyone else asleep. Ron sat with his back against the couch and bum on the floor. Y/N had been sitting next to him until she became more tired. She slid towards the floor and laid her head on Ron’s lap, looking up at him.

“You’re beautiful,” he blurted out before he knew what had possessed him. It was just those eyes…Those sleepy, sparkling, beautiful eyes.

“Thank you, Ronald,” Y/N smiled, not really processing what he said.

“Can I ask you something?” Ron continued, not minding that she hadn’t said anything more.

“If you want to ask if you can have a rematch on the quidditch pitch tomorrow, the answer is yes,” she giggled.

“I will take you up on that,” Ron grinned, “but that wasn’t what I was going to ask.”

“Okay, shoot,” Y/N responded as she adjusted on his lap.

“I’ve been wondering this for a while, but when you came here a month or so ago, you were crying. You weren’t yourself. I don’t want to pry or push you, but what was wrong?” Ron felt the confidence leave him as he asked the question. Maybe he should let the reason stay her secret.

Y/N tensed, he could feel it. She was thinking and then sat up, criss cross applesauce, now facing Ron. “I guess I do owe you an explanation, you were so kind to not push me then. I would still be wondering too if I was you.” She rambled. She was still beautiful when she rambled.

“I knew that the Burrow was a safe place. Ginny has always been like a sister to me. I couldn’t be at home anymore. M-my, my dad, he- he drinks…a lot. It’s just me and him at home usually. Mum died when I was little, but I-I think you knew that. Anyways, that’s too much information.”

Y/N took a deep breath before she continued. “So, he drinks. And it just got out of hand that night. I hide it well, bu-but he can hurt me. He doesn’t always use his hands. Sometimes it's with magic, but I was hiding in my room that night. I swear he loves me. He’s my father. I just remind him of mum and it sets him off- I guess? I don’t know. I shouldn’t defend him.” She shook her head as she looked at her hands in her lap.

Ron just took in her words and the grace that she had while telling him her story. How could she be so calm? He felt the rage begin to rise in his chest. No one- No One, should ever want to do anything to harm Y/N. His fists clenched against his sides, but he tried to hide it, even though it could be read clearly across his face.

“But, I managed to get away and grabbed a broom and this is the first place I thought of. Before I knew it, I was at your door and knocking.”

Ron nodded to show he understood and was listening, but he was boiling over.

“I told Ginny the next morning and insisted I tell your mum, even though I didn’t want to. When your mum found out the basis of my situation, she essentially ordered me to stay with you all. I couldn’t say no, but I’m happy she did. This has been one of the best summer holidays I have ever had.” A smile crossed her lips as she thought of the weeks that she had spent in the Burrow.

“You can stay here as long as you want.” Ron told her, straight faced. He didn’t want that man coming anywhere near her again, whether or not he was her father.

“Thanks, Ron. Your mum said the same thing. I like it here…a lot.”

“You can stay here forever even. All school holidays, summer holidays, all of them.”

“I have to go back at some point, Ron.”

“No you don’t,” Ron argued. “You never have too.”

“Okay.” Her words didn’t seem like an agreement, but an understanding. “I’m going to go to bed now, okay? Thank you for listening.” As she stood up, she leaned down to kiss Ron’s cheek. “Good night,” she said softly as she made her way upstairs to Ginny’s room.

Ron sat in the stillness of the living room. He slowly lifted his hand to his cheek. It burned with the blush left from her kiss.

Growing used to the routine with Y/N at the house, Ron adjusted his own to spend even more time with her. Some would even argue that she was starting to spend more time with Ron than with Ginny. They were growing closer and closer and Ron felt like he may combust if his feelings for her grew any larger. He was falling, falling harder than he could ever imagine. His crush was so much more than a crush on the happy, free-spirited girl that was friends with Ginny. He loved that version of her, but also the her he got to know in the evenings and the her that could let loose like no one was watching. He loved all of her.

Then, one morning he woke up later than usual. He’d been kept awake by the soft explosions from the twins’ room and the thoughts about Y/N swirling in his head. When he came down the stairs, Y/N’s bags were all packed at the door.

“What’s going on? Are we going somewhere?” Ron asked as he rubbed his eyes.

“Y/N’s going home.” Ginny replied with a straight face and angry eyes watching the front door closely.

“She’s what? Where is she?”

“Her dad showed up early this morning demanding to see her.” Ginny spit out. Ron could tell she was infuriated.

“Where is she?”

“Outside. He wanted to talk to her.”

“Did anything seem off about him?” Ron’s mind began racing. What if he did something to her? Ron had to be there to protect her.

He flew through the door that Ginny had been watching so intently. He ignored his sister as she called saying that Y/N’s father said not to follow. He tore through the garden that he had tended to so many times with her and past the Weasley’s makeshift quidditch pitch. He ran all the way to the edge of the trees on the property. The moment Y/N spoke, he could pick her voice out of the normal outside noises.

“No. I want to stay here, Dad. Please!”

“You’re coming home. I need your help around the house. You cannot just skirt your responsibilities.” He growled at her.

“I don’t understand. You don’t have to worry about me when I’m here. They’ll take care of me…” she tried to explain.

“I can take care of you just fine. You don’t need to be playing make believe here.”

“Dad. No.” She was standing her ground and Ron was proud of her, he thought maybe he could just watch from a distance just in case. But when he looked at Y/N’s father, something seemed off. He was staggering and stumbling at only 11 o’clock in the morning.

“You are coming home with me, Y/N.” Her dad grabbed her arm harshly.

“Okay, fine, fine,” she conceded. Even from a distance, Ron could see the confidence fade in her eyes just to be replaced by fear. “Just let me go get my stuff.”  

“No, we are going now. You humiliated me by having Arthur Weasley show up at MY house to collect your things.”

“Please, dad. My school things are in there. I need them to do my summer work.” Her words became more urgent as though she was trying to calm him down and be reasonable.

“WE ARE GOING NOW!” Y/N tried to pull away, but his grasp was too tight on her wrist. Ron couldn’t take it anymore.

“Let her go!” he yelled.

“This doesn’t concern you,” Y/N’s dad spat in Ron’s direction.

“Ron, it’s really okay,” Y/N said, but her eyes pleaded for help.

“I said, let her go.” Ron repeated, closing the distance between him and Y/N.

“She’s my daughter, under the age of 17, and I can do with her as I please.”

Ron’s eyes flickered to where Y/N’s father held her arm. It seemed to be getting tighter. His nails were practically breaking her flesh.

“Dad, that hurts,” she spoke softly to him, but his grip didn’t loosen. Ron could see the pain emanating in her eyes.

“She said she wants to stay here.” Ron gritted through his teeth, losing his cool.

“Let’s go, Y/N.” Her father yanked her arm so hard that Ron was sure her arm would pop out of her socket.

The tears swelled up in her eyes as she held back her audible cries. “Let her go.” Ron was giving her dad one last chance before…

Once Ron spoke, Y/N’s dad only pulled harder. Ron leaped forward, fist aimed at the man holding onto Y/N. He hit him square in the jaw. When Y/N’s dad recoiled, he lost his grip on Y/N, allowing her to break free.

“Are you okay?” he asked, rushing to her side.

“Yeah, just a little sore,” she lied. Ron stood up beside her to face her dad. The man stood a few inches shorter than Ron, so he had to look up to meet Ron’s fiery stare.

“You need to leave now.” Ron spoke as calmly as he could.

By this point, the commotion had drawn the attention of his family inside. Fred, George, and Arthur Weasley were all running to where Ron stood, Ginny running next to Y/N, helping her up.

“Take Y/N back inside, Gin.” Ron said, not breaking eye contact with her father.

“You can’t just hide my daughter from me.” He dared to speak.

“I’m not hiding her. I’m keeping her safe from you now.” Ron was determined to win this one.

“Mr. L/N. Please leave our property,” Mr. Weasley spoke sternly.

Realizing he was outnumbered, Y/N’s father apparated on the spot. Ron turned instantly to go back to the house and check on her. She had been hurt and he just knew it.

“Gin? Ginny?!” Ron called once he was in the house.  

He could hear her soft sniffles and Ginny calmly repeating that she would be okay. He turned into the living room to see Y/N on the couch with Ginny holding her arm and his mum fussing over her. As annoying as her fussing could be to him sometimes, he was never more grateful to have her here taking care of Y/N.

Ron could see the silent tears streaming down her face. His heart ached at the sight, she should never ever cry.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Ron kept his distance, wanting to be respectful of the people buzzing around her.

“She will be alright,” Molly smiled at the girl, standing up. “Just needs some rest, that’s all.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Weasley,” Y/N whispered, not really making eye contact with anyone around her. Ron could tell that she was embarrassed by the whole situation even though she didn’t need to be.

“Why don’t you come rest in my room,” Ginny offered, being the type of friend that knew Y/N wouldn’t want to be the center of attention all day because of this.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Ron couldn’t stop pacing around the ground floor. Not even the twins could bring themselves to tease him over his concern, they were concerned too. Y/N took her meals in Ginny’s room with Ginny and Arthur watched the yard, making sure that her father didn’t return.

The family went up to bed with an uneasiness in the air. Ron walked so slowly past Ginny’s room, hoping to maybe catch Y/N going to the bathroom or something, but he didn’t. So, now he lied awake in his bed, listening to the ghoul make a ruckus in the attic.

When the soft knock echoed off his door, Ron flew to answer it. Y/N stood there, small and shivering. “Can I come in?” she asked quietly.

“Yes, yes, of course.” Ron opened the door wider when he realized she hadn’t been up here since the first night she arrived. Y/N stood in the middle of the room, looking utterly unsure about what to do now.

“You want to sit down?” Ron asked motioning to his bed as he took a seat on the floor.

“I don’t want to put you out.” How was she still so polite and thoughtful?

“Sit, Y/N.” Ron offered softly, not wanting to push too hard.

“I just wanted to thank you, for coming out earlier to help me.”

Ron couldn’t stop himself as he grabbed her hand to reassure her that he was there. “You don’t have to go home ever again…”

“I’ve been home, Ron. For months. A home is a place where you are supposed to feel safe and loved and warm.” She looked up from the floor to look at him for the first time since she entered the room. Oh, how beautiful she was. “You make me feel safe, you are my home. And somehow when I was out there today, I just knew you would come…”

She sank onto the floor next to him and all Ron wanted to do was close the space, but he wanted to make sure that she was comfortable above all else. “The Burrow was a safe haven for me,” she continued, “but you, you made every second here amazing. And it may be silly, but I’ve had this crush on you forever.” Y/N broke eye contact as she spoke the words, slightly embarrassed to be telling him this way, but nevertheless she kept going. She wasn’t going to be scared of this anymore. “But, I can’t help but feel like it’s become more than a crush. I-I think I love you, Ron and I just have this feeling that you might feel that same way?”

The words evaded him. How could he express just how much she meant to him?

“Kiss me” was all he managed. The most beautiful smile he had ever seen spread across her face as she leaned forward into him. Ron couldn’t stop himself from pulling her lips to his to close the space faster. He swore he felt sparks as the kiss deepened and became more passionate. This was it. Ron knew that she was it for him.

When they finally pulled apart for air, he studied her beautiful face so closely that he could see every freckle, every line, and every blemish, but even those were beautiful. “I can be your home as long as you need me too,” he spoke against her lips.

“How does forever sound?” she whispered, closing the gap one more time.

-

Y/N never did have to go back to her father, Ron made sure of that. Ginny was more than happy to let her best friend share her room and keep her things there, but really she snuck up to Ron’s room almost every time they were back at the Burrow.

Forever can seem like an awfully long time, but whenever Ron held her in his arms, forever felt like something he could definitely do, especially for her.

[kinardgo]

about my blog! tagged by the lovely @sunshine-ricciardo thank u bby!!

1. Why did you choose your url? because i want to eat seb's gender expression like a bowl of soup 2. Any side blogs? nope! all my interets on one blog like a little manic nightmare!

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

on and off since i was like 13? so eleven years fgfgdfhdjsk

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i do, #q. it's only so that people know im not ignoring them if im posting and they're messaging me really.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

way way way back when, because i was running a WWE gif blog ghghfhjd. i abandoned it for a bit then came back for the harry potter fandom. after a few years, i came back again this summer (ish), initially so i could yell about good omens, but very quickly discovered f1blr.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because seb is baby and green is my favourite colour and also he looks so good in green

7. Why did you choose your header?

because i am a massive slut for jenson, covered in sweat and panting

8. What's your post with the most notes?

pretty sure it's either seb discourse or gifs of seb and lewis bullying valtteri lmao

9. How many mutuals do you have?

i have absolutely no idea, i don't actually keep an eye on my follower count nor do i ever check if the people i follow, follow me back. i find it a much healthier way to interact with this site - if i make friends, i make friends, but i don't track them hfhfjfk.

10. How many followers do you have?

five hundred and something i think

11. How many people do you follow?

uhhh i have no idea hahahaha

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

oh probably so many

13. How often do you use tumblr?

too much haha, every day probably

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

i've definitely had public disagreements with people but only ever to defend myself if someone had been confrontational on my post. after that, it all gets blocked. i have a pretty short temper (to my detriment) and i'm not a big enough person to just block people who are rude without making it implicity clear that they've pissed me off haha

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

i think they are usually a) very american-centric b) guilt trips and c) make little to no actual help to anyone affected.

16. Do you like tag games?

ohmy god yes so much

17. Do you like ask games?

yes!!!

18. Which of your moots do you think is tumblr famous?

i think it depends on what sphere of f1blr you ask. maybe jay in the seb bit, because they have a pretty encyclopedic knowledge, and ofc the ass gifs. i know ames is a super popular edit/gif maker. i don't know how much of a big deal noé is on gymblr hghgfhdjd.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have a crush on literally all of them. honestly i think its really unfair that me and all my mutuals can't just have a little cuddle and a kiss (with their permission ofc).

no-pressure tags: @zhangboheng @chriscronin @ferrqri @michael-masi @mickstart tbh anyone who wants to, feel free to say i tagged you lmao

[nikatyler]

random questions game

Tagged by @kbeesims. Thank you very much! I’m taking a break from studying rn, so let’s do this.

1. why did you choose your url?

Nika is actually one of the first things I’ve ever called myself as a kid and last year I decided to sort of “reclaim” this old nickname and start using it again in online places and I’m surprised by how right it feels.

As for Tyler, well. I think it’s obvious. In my head he’s the main character of this blog, the mascot, if you will. And also, and this is a bit embarrassing, but about a month or two ago I saw this post that was like “changing names shouldn’t be such a big deal, we expect trans people to do it if they’re uncomfortable with their birth name, but we should normalize EVERYONE changing their names if they’re not okay with it” (or something along these lines). And well, I like my name, but I thought, what if I didn’t like it, what would I pick instead. Immediately, this one popped up in my head. Yeah. I mean it makes sense to me, but it feels so dumb at the same time. So yeah. I guess if you called me Tyler, I would respond to it. I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that I would respond to it, but hey. It’s weird but it would work.

2. any sideblogs? name them and why you have them.

The only one that is still active is my cc finds blog @simmeronnie-cc (yes I need to rename it too, we’ll do that). I don’t really post on my sort-of-studyblr-but-more-like-a-rantblr sideblog or my simspiration blog anymore. Among other things, I rant on twitter again (@/nikatyler22 if anyone’s interested), and I need to bring back the simspo tag on this blog.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Almost five years. I refuse to believe that.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I do. Well, I schedule my posts manually, I don’t queue them (because earlier this year I noticed it would eat at least one post a day, so I stopped using it), but still. I don’t know what I’d do without this function haha

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

There was this blog that did this really cool comic with very pretty characters. That’s what convinced me lol, even though my content has never been like theirs.

6. why did you choose your icon?

Because Tyler lol

7. why did you choose your header?

Because Tyler and Sharon and I want to have what they have dAMMIT

But I might change the picture for the one I posted yesterday, you know, the awkward one

8. whats your post with the most notes?

That would be the pride paints post I believe!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I don’t know, but a lot I think? At least in the simple sense of “I follow you and you follow me.” I never counted it. I’m not sure how many people would actually consider me their mutual or online friend or something like that. I hope someone would haha

10. how many followers do you have?

Over 2 000. What the heck. I mean, not many people are actually active and I think most of them don’t even lurk, but it’s still a pretty cool number

11. how many people do you follow?

I checked and it’s 183. I can’t realistically keep up with all of them but at the same time I’d feel bad for unfollowing any of them

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

My entire blog is a big shitpost tbh, and I wouldn’t have it any other way ✌✨

13. how often do you use tumblr a day?

I usually keep the tab open all day and just check it from time to time. I’m not counting

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Oooooh boy

Yes. I was dumb, okay? Very dumb.

15.  how do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

Those scared me when I was younger, I remember I couldn’t sleep when I was like 8 and saw one of those “repost this or you’ll die in 7 days” pictures. Now I’m okay with them, I just scroll past. Usually. Sometimes I still get nervous. Don’t post them, guys. You can really hurt people with anxiety and similar issues.

16. do you like tag games?

Y E S

17. do you like ask games?

Y E S   Y E S   Y E S   PLEASE SEND ME ASKS

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

One that immediately comes to my mind is @berrysweetboutique. I can’t believe such a big simblr is following me and seeing my daily pixel clownery on their dash :D

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don’t, but back in the day, I used to sort of put some simblrs on pedestals and then act in a way that I thought they would like, if that makes sense, and I was really insecure about what they would think, and if we started talking I was so worried I’d say or do something wrong and it was all in all not a great experience. I know it’s not a crush in the romantic sense, but it reminds me of how sometimes you’d go and try to impress a crush and change yourself so that they like you too. I guess they were sort of crushes in the sense of “oh wow this person is so amazing and perfect, I’m so little next to them, they could probably never love me the same way I love them”. Anyway, once you let go of that mentality and just start doing whatever, without trying to impress anyone...oh that freedom is sweet.

Sorry, went off topic here 😅

20. tags?

I’m just gonna tag whoever wants to do this, go make another cup of coffee and go back to my 19th century poetry 😄

[mallowstep]

I’m thinking about writing a short OC piece about Windclan and I’d love to see your notes about its culture and the hymns you’ve written so far, everything you’ve done for Windclan appreciation month has really inspired me :)

hello anon!

alright, first things first: please send me ur piece when ur done if you're comfortable doing so! i will publish it from you, or if you don't want to be associated with it in Any Way, i will also just read it and add it to the queue with no indication why it's there. or if you don't want me to share it at all, i'd still like to read it.

as for your ask,

hymns?

i'm working on it. however, underneath the read more, i'll include a few snippets for u.

culture

alright, i'm just going to post links with some commentary as i go. feel free to ask any more questions you have.

windclan (search) | windclan (tag) | wcam tag | five clans (narrative essays)

i would link the elders den, but there's no windclan stories in there ATM.

moving on, i'm just going to go through posts in reverse chronological order.

tallstar taking a mate admittedly, this is more about cats and sexuality than windclan, but i provide the commentary that windclan...has a particular view on sexuality and fluidity. one thing i haven't explored but should is the role visiting cats have in windclan.

whoops that's a code word, my plug for solacefruit has been activated. okay, as you may be aware, based on the fact that i have a whole tag for it, i'm obsessed with solacefruit. now, i love everything they do, but i would like to point you particularly to "make a mighty sound" for a fantastic exploration of this idea.

i don't want to spoil anything, but i do think windclan, and maybe cats as a whole, but windclan has a certain view towards relationships that very much breaks them into pieces. i'm a "love is a verb" person, so the idea that you can grow to love someone romantically by going through the actions of love makes sense. not to say you will, but you can.

(to be clear i'm not out advocating for arranged marriages just saying that they can work, they're not destined to be bad, and there's a difference between forced marriage and arranged marriage.)

anyway.

this was a lot of words to say, cats do not have a human (and particularly, western/american) understanding of relationships, which makes analyzing them in those terms difficult.

early hymn talk i'll probably say more below, but it is here.

general ibtwicm notes might get you into the headspace for some of my choices in ibtwicm.

i don't have a ton to say because this pretty much all holds, but uh, yeah.

poetry and language this isn't strictly about windclan, but it does explain some of what i think about when writing hymns.

obviously, i'm writing english translations, but these general themes are what i have in mind. it's also part of why i say i don't think i'll ever release a "full hymnal" for windclan, because i don't know if my weak worldbuilding heart could take it if i only had translations.

names part two very much not about windclan, but just some thoughts on names. as i've said before, i support all names and worldbuilding equally, but if you want my thoughts on names, go buckwild.

clan culture fic rec list just stuff i think does a good job, if you want other sources of inspiration.

general clan culture notes this is really old, but it mostly holds.

i've obviously expanded a lot on windclan since i wrote it, so shrug? idk man.

alright, i'm going to move into hymn discussion below the cut, but best of luck! and i hope u have a good time. it makes my brain shut down to read that i inspired you, straight up got brain juice pouring out of my ears, but i'm really, really happy to hear that.

windclan holds a special place in my heart. (i know my oc avatar is from skyclan shhh it's because of the backstory he sees ghosts.) but i grew up in this super sporty household as a lil asthmatic klutz, and running was a sport i couldn't mess up, so of course windclan appealed to me.

they're actually third on my list of favorite clans, but they. it's a special place in my heart that they hold, especially after reading dawn of the clans and moth flight's vision, where i got an asthmatic cat and an adhd cat, both in windclan.

god i should reread dotc it's good.

alright, here's the deal on hymns: i am not going to fight to get duets to post correctly. there's a 0% chance i can in tumblr's wonky ass new editor with no markdown, not to mention how difficult it would have been in the old editor. so i'm going to talk a lil about what i've got, and post some stanzas that i think don't get explored a lot in ibtwicm.

we're discussing these in the order that they go in. a reminder that these are all sections of one epic poem. that said, i don't know where the gaps are. like, i don't know what's between these, if that makes sense.

the wind

the wind, the very first hymn. this is an ode to, well, windclan. it's a song about everything that makes them them. it's filled with poetry about the wind, about the seasons, and it's just...well, it's a bit of a genesis, in a way.

The wind — like the rain, like the river — calls the name of each star in its breath. The wind — like the earth, like the stone — anchors us to our home. The wind — like the sun, like the sky — is knowable only by name.

i wanted to share this stanza because the last line doesn't show up in ibtwicm (at least so far, i cut the reference), and it really, really, makes a difference imo.

anyway, windclan is basically tying the wind in with every other fundamental part of their life here.

they are the wind, and that's that.

the hare

okay, this one has a line that comes up a lot in ch1, but i already talked about that, so instead, i'm going to talk about this stanza

Speak of the earth and the dens, and you will be answered: By the call of the howling gales, the open earth singing in response. But speak of that which grows above, of the grass and field, And you will be answered by the softness of the buds and the roots.

okay, we get deadfoot thinking about this when he's talking to yellowfang.

i like this stanza because it really tells us what the hare is about. now, hares are not something windclan catches. hares are huge, y'all, there's no way they take one down. i take liberties with ecology, but not that many.

(i.e., a team of cats definitely could take one down, but i know too much, and would prefer letting team hunting stay a plot thing, and not fundamentally alter the environment in the way it would.)

now anyway, all of these hymns come from the time of the tunnelers. and the point of this is, even though the work of tunnelers and moor runners is disconnected, they fundamentally affect each other.

a moor runner must trust the hollows of the earth beneath them won't collapse, and a tunneler must trust that the prey they chase up will be caught.

it's all very symbiotic and is, well, in a way, a love poem. plus i really like the line "the open earth singing in response"

of the warrens

so this has one line, one you might not even know is a hymn, in ch1, but i'll share the whole stanza.

And as for the subject of fallow fields: Fallowed fields make for hungry prey, Yet hungry prey makes desperate rabbits, Who leap into our claws.

and ig my big point is, the hymns are a cultural artifact. just like many of the rules in the old testament have to do with hygiene things being codified into religion, this whole hymn is about hunting advice.

the moon on the river

okay, out of all the hymns, this is the most complete, and because ashfoot and deadfoot sing it together, and deadfoot discusses it, i only have one stanza to share.

Under the coldness, you shine back at me, And I do everything to keep the clouds from threatening you.

now, this poem is about love, grief, and being separated. it's a particular kind of grief, and windclan discourages grief, so this is one of only a few ways to really, fully express it.

and this section, in particular, is about love in times of hardship.

i don't have. a lot to say here. but the way hardship changes how you love someone can be particular and intense.

(temporarily, this happens sometime before "Spare for my chosen few / All I have is given towards the distant ground.")

the gorse in the wind

oh shit! i have so fucking much to say okay first.

the series title does not come from this hymn.

second, this is a challenging hymn okay. fuck. i have so much to say. where to start so! moors are actually relatively wet. think british countryside, not, like, a cool desert.

this is something i always knew? i read the secret garden a lot as a kid. but. i've seen stuff about moors being dry, and it's just one of those things that really...starts to eat under your skin. anyway.

okay, so. gorse is a dry plant. it does not like rain. it grows in sandy soil, etc etc, and yet. aside from everything we know about gorse and warriors, it also grows in this moor. because i say so.

okay, so. so so so. the lines quotes here are really deceptive, and i bet no one understood why, and that makes me just a little sad, but i couldn't find a good way to explain it in text, so uh, yeah, anyway. there's an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot: "THE GORSE: You called me the heather and I grew stronger. / THE WIND: I called you the heather and brought rain for you to grow."

so...so do you see? do you see the point? it's about communication, needs, challenging each other. fadskj;l i love this. okay, so. the point is that heather is fragile, soft, pretty, and gorse is the opposite. the part of the wind is trying to be kind and complimentary, but the gorse is saying, fuck that, you are not being kind to me by undercutting my strength.

anyway, this passage is sung by the gorse:

In what good company have I set down roots, That even through snow fall I flower. You called me the heather and yet I've weathered, Far more than your sweet-named love.

so uh, yeah, this adds context. gorse! gorse is a hardy plant that continues to flower basically all season round. it's cool. it's cool. gorse is super cool. fuuuck y'all it's such a small thing and i've contained talking about it until now, but now it's too much. the floodgates are open, and i thought about this small detail too much.

okay. deep breath. gorse is a really easy plant to grow, but it's still adapted for dry environments. so the "even through snow fall I flower" part is a little tongue in cheek: gorse itself will flower in the cold, but snow is a type of precipitation, which as we've covered, is not gorse friendly.

then we have some rhyming and puns in the next line, and finally, "yet I've weathered, / Far more than your sweet-named love." like. yes. love as a form of softness is not necessarily helpful.

i mean, consider the damaging "soft trans boi" problem. same energy.

right. okay. so we've got all that? now if you remember, this is sung when deadfoot thinks ashpaw doesn't respect him, and ashpaw says she'll sing with him if she can sing the gorse, so in essence, she's telling him...not to back off, per se, but that...she is the "hard part" of the relationship. like, okay, i refuse to even bring up gender roles in human relationships, but uh, her point is very much, "i am the gorse, and you are the wind," and it's a very monumental moment.

it's anchored, i believe, in the other scenes, but this is a small thing that matters a lot to me.

like a lot.

okay, now that i've talked about like four lines for the length of this entire post, moving on.

the heather and earth

okay, this is the last hymn i have in concrete terms, and i cut a bit of it from the latest chapter, so yeah. it's also, uh, okay everything i have for it is only a line or two, but i wanted to share this closing line (sung together):

Sing a song of forgiveness, of growing together, and we will make madness, And madness from hence will everything beautiful grow.

and i just like these lines. they got cut, it was initially part of an exchange between ashfoot and deadfoot, but i can't share the part of it they talk about, because i'm reusing it for a later chapter and i'll 100% spoil shit if i try to talk about it.

but these lines? mmm they speak to me.

i don't have a ton to say about them, but i just. i like it.

if we apply the same ecology discussion from the gorse and the wind, we see heather is a plant that grows in acidic, infertile soil, and heath (which is not the same as a heather, but also kind of is) is a defining quality of heathland, which is...i'm not kidding, it's hot discourse about the difference between moorland and heathland.

i'm not getting involved, but my point is, if the gorse in the wind is a hymn about finding a working relationship, about mutual respect, etc., then the heather and earth is a hymn about working well together in a terrible situation.

god.

uh, wow! can you tell i like plants? because while parts of my ecology are dubious (see: everything regarding the rabbits in ch1), the plants part are well thought out. this shit is carefully detailed metaphor.

and that's why i won't be releasing a full hymnal. it's hard to as on top of this as i want to be. i'm not kidding, writing even four lines of a hymn usually takes me about twenty minutes, because i pull up a lot of research about how things work, how they interact with each other, etc., and then there's wordsmithing, cat worldview filter, etc.

but i hope this overview of what i've got is a good insight into my general thoughts. and i will eventually release more and more of the hymns i've got written.

[sapphicpetrodactyl]

Do you have siblings? How many?

What was you favourite toy as a child?

Last thing that made you laugh

Last thing that made you cry

What traits do you like about yourself

What’s your last text that you sent (do not give any context)

Dream place to live?

Favourite quote from a tv show

Favourite quote from a movie

Last person you called

First app you check when you wake up?

Is there anything in your drafts/queue

Favourite school subject

What high school stereotype were/are you

Do you think your teachers liked you in school?

Favourite article of clothing?

Fashion fears

What is one skill you want to learn

Have you learnt anything in self isolation

Have you fulfilled any goals you had for 2020

Any goals for 2021

How much do you think you fit into the description of your star sign

What would you say your aesthetic is?

You can change one physical trait about yourself what would it be?

You can change one of your personality traits, what would it be?

Finish the sentence : “My favourite thing about tumblr is...”

What is the last assumption you made?

The last mistake you made?

Would you rather live in the Sahara or Antarctic

Favourite animal

What is ‘your’ emoji

Last thing you bought that was so bad that it was good

Something you bought but were never able to wear because of covid

What is the best piece of advice you received

Is love something that scares you?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

What would a romantic partner say is your best quality?

What does the person that is physically the closest to you right at this moment mean to you?

Favourite place to be kissed

Last person you had a dream about?

Kinda stupid but... cupcakes or donuts?

hehe you said you wanted asks

hehe, i will answer all of them :)

1. I have 3 siblings, 2 brothers and 1 sister, all are younger than me (2 of them are stepsiblings but i count them as my actual siblings) 2. A stuffed teddy bear called Ted, he is still my favourite 3. my friends being stupid on a discord voice chat 4. the last thing to make me really cry was The Song Of Achilles, i've cried since then but not properly 5. ummm... i'm kinda funny sometimes and I'm okay at making stuff 6. "gay" 7. somewhere with my friends other than that i don't really mind (as long as it's not too hot bc i can not deal with that) 8. "You don't have to carry a sword to be powerful. Some leaders strength is inspiring others." - Ahsoka Tano 9. "In times of crisis, the wise build bridges while the foolish build barriers." - T'challa 10. two of my best irl friends 11. tumblr :) 12. a whole bunch of scheduled posts that u can only reblog once a year 13. art 14. probably like the geeky kid who's obsessed with to many fandoms but i'm rlly quiet when i'm not around my friends so maybe the quiet kid? 15. i think some of them do but some not so much 16. this one pair of cargo pants that i wear practically every day, they're way too big and have so many pockets!!!!! :) 17. cropped tops, i'm rlly self concious ab my bodyand they make me feel rlly exposed (also they usually show of the tits and i don't rlly like that) 18. i want to learn how to make good costumes, bc i rlly enjoy that 19. i'm way more queer than i initially thought 20. I didn't really have any goals for 2021 so no i guess 21. well 2021 is almost over so i guess for 2022 i'd like to become more confident about myself 22.I'm a virgo and i fit some of the things said about my star sign but some i don't e.g. it says virgos are very organized, I am the least organized person i know but on the other side of things it also says virgos are creative and i am very creative. 23. sort of grunge, kinda punk but also softer and more foresty yk? also kinda chaotic academia 24. prolly smaller boobs 25. more confident in myself 26. My favourite thing about tumblr is... my moots and the opportunity to build a community and make friends also how anti-capitalism it is 27. I assumed my friend had not eaten today - i was right and i got them to eat some food :) 28. honey my whole life is one big mistake, i don't remember - prolly smth school related 29. I would hate the Sahara so much bc hot and sand, but i'd prolly choose there bc closer to civilisation and other ppl 30. i can't choose, i feel guilty if i pick favourites 31. idk 32. i can't remember, it's been a long time since i've bought anything 33. nice new t-shirt the week before lockdown started back up 34. it's all temporary, all the pain won't last forever (ik it's kinda depressing but i find it odlly comforting) 35. kinda,i'm more scared of the possible rejection than loving someone tho 36. i don't know, i've never experienced it but it might still exist. 37. never had one so idk 38. my brother in the room next to mine, i love him but he can be a little shit 39. idk 40. i had a rlly weird dream with one of my best friends in it 41. donuts (i do love cupcakes tho)

sry this took so long to answer :)

[weshallc]

Happy St. Andrew’s Day. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading Bonfire Night! I haven’t put it on the usual fic sites as I knew I would mess about, and Tumblr folk are a patient bunch. I am going to rejig it so it stretches from Bonfire Night to Christmas (probably New Year at this rate) looking back over 2020.

Thank you for the lovely comments and support from @h4t08 @fourteen-teacups @thatginchygal  @bbcshipper @roguesnitch @lovetheturners and new regular @aimee-jessica and @olafur-neal

I really don’t know what I have been doing with my time apart from washing my hands, measuring distances of 2 metres, sewing masks, swearing at the news, collecting Scotch egg and pasty recipes and building a pantry to hoard all my Brexshit preparation supplies.

Enough about me, so as it’s St. Andrew’s Day I thought I might give this another spin. 

BERNS NIGHT (Revisited, just for fun)

Call the Midwife AU (Crown Jewels/Paddy and Bernie/Poplar-on-Tweaven)

CHAPTER ONE: FAIR FA’ YOUR HONEST, SONSIE FACE

“Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the pudding-race! Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm : Weel are ye wordy o'a grace As lang's my arm.”  Address to a Haggis by Robert Burns 1786.

“Will You Reconize me? Call My Name or Walk On By.” Don’t You (Forget About Me). Simple Minds 1985.

Monday 25th January 2016

“His knife see rustic Labour dight, An' cut you up wi' ready sleight, Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like ony ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin', rich!”

The room was swept in darkness apart from the light of the wolf moon and the north star penetrating the cold window panes. All eyes were facing towards a wooden table and the elderly man stood behind it. He was in his 60s and wiry, small for a man, but with a silver mess of what once must have been a bonnie head of fire red hair. The body may have looked weak, but the intensity in his bright blue eyes cut through the dimly lit surroundings.

As he spoke again, his voice filled the room, cutting through the anticipating silence. It was a voice that could take a knife and slice right through a soul. The knife in his hand in turn sliced through the offering in front of its high priest. Years of performing the same action with such a passion resulted in precision. The faithful entranced by the spectacle all gasped as one as the incision was violently made. No one daring to speak. Suddenly the trance was lost as artificial light rudely brought everyone back to the present with a blast of the pipes.

“All done then, Reverend Mannion? Can I serve the Haggis now? Don’t want it getting cold now, do we, not at £15 a head.”

“Aye, Violet, the ceremony is over. It’s time for eating and drinking, something the bard would have approved of, rightly so.”

The kilted clergyman winked at an auburn-haired girl in the crowd and tipped his whisky tumbler toward her. She raised her own glass and winked back. Her companion at her table was much taller with dark hair styled in a tidy no-nonsense bob.

The tall one leaned toward the small one and asked, “If it’s already dead, why does he have to kill it?”

“What?”

“The Haggis if it’s already dead, why does he have to kill it?”

Her friend opened her mouth to speak, but she saw a tender hand take hold of Chummy’s arm and explain it was all just ceremony, it was tradition.

“Like all that malarkey at our passing out parade, the day we got our badge. That wasn’t about police work, was it? It’s just tradition.  It’s what the English do well.”

He had been doing really well up until then, but a golden raised eyebrow made him alter his stance. “It is what us Brits do best.”

The raised eyebrow whispered to the police constable. ”Peter, Chummy really doesn’t think a haggis is a real animal, does she?”

He was not the sort of man that would turn heads, but he had a kindness in his eyes and an openness in his face she thought some would see as attractive. If only Camilla wasn’t his superior, and they didn’t work such long hours together, what might have been?

She knew her friend well and sensed more queries would follow. Not sure as a Scot brought up on Tweavenside and now living in London she could provide satisfying answers. Picking up their empty glasses and heading to the bar was a strange sort of refuge for a vicar's daughter and inner-city missionary.

There was a queue, well sort of a queue. In London a queue was made up of people standing in an orderly line and the person who had been stood the longest getting served first. In Poplar-on-Tweaven it resembled more of a rugby scrum and the person who shouted the loudest being ignored, Anyone who called the barmaid by name was bunked up the order. She wasn’t familiar with busy bars, but she was bright enough to work out the system.

“Val, when yer ready hen.” The request came from someone not sure that was their own voice they had just heard yelling those words.

All her life she had been immersed in the wonders of the Bible and was still amazed at how so many miracles had been performed. She had heard all the CPR arguments regarding resurrections and all that, and was still not convinced. But, she now knew how Moses had parted the Red Sea, he had known the barmaid’s name was Valerie.

“What can I get you, chick?”

“Here! I was first.” A grumpy voice struck up.

“Oh Al, you are always first. Let me serve this lass and then I will sort you out”

“Promises, promises.”

“Yeah in your dreams, pal.”

She was starting to feel uncomfortable she hadn’t meant to jump the queue. Maybe she should go back to the table and let Peter get the drinks. A man’s voice interrupted her thoughts, it was quieter than Al’s but held an authority. It wasn’t a Tweavenside accent, but it had a northern softness.

“You serve our impatient friend Valerie, I will see to this young lady.” Then turning to his new customer, “What can I get you, pet”

“Erm a whisky and lemonade and erm a pint, please.”

“Which whisky and a pint of?”

She wasn’t sure; she nudged her bottom onto a vacant stool for security.

“Are you with the law?” The tall bartender nodded towards Chummy and Peter,

“Yes, yes, I am.”

“OK, so that’s a Grouse and diet lemonade, just a dash and a pint of Buckles Best and for you?”

He stepped back a minute. “Your Reverend Wilf’s daughter?”

“Yes, I am.” Bernie suddenly felt more sure of herself. She was never completely certain of who she was when back in Poplar.

“Bernadette?” The stranger was grinning now, his brown eyes glinting under the harsh bar spotlights, or were they green?

“Well, that’s my Sunday name most people call me Bernie, even Dad.”

“Well, since I’ve never seen you in here on a Sunday or any other day. I will call you Bernie. I am Patrick Turner, most people call me Paddy, a few Doc.”

“Oh no, you won’t have seen me here on a Sunday or any other day. I live in London now and before that, well, I am not a big drinker.”

“What can I get you then?” asked Paddy loitering near the coke and lemonade pumps.

“A gin and tonic please, better make it a double it’s quite busy, save me coming back.”

Paddy smiled. “Premium gin?”

“Yes.”

While the optic was emptying into the glass, he asked, “You must have known this old place when Evie ran it?”

“Yes, I know Evie and J..Jenny”

“Oh yes. Jen was here when the wife and I took over she was a great help. We get a text every now and again, doing well for herself now, all loved up.” He winked at her as he ended the sentence, causing her to panic slightly.

“I was sorry to hear about your loss.” She wished she hadn’t said it.

Val had seemed to deal with ten customers to Paddy’s one, and now there was just the two of them alone at the bar. He looked at her in a sort of a non-direct, sort of direct way. Under that infuriating fringe she wanted to reach out and push back.

“Loss is as much a part of love as is healing,” he replied with a hint of melancholy, but without irony.

She was stunned and tried to find a corresponding Bible verse, but she drew a blank.

She focused on what was real and what was present. Her dad had taught her to do that. What was in front of her at this precise moment was a glass of gin and ice and a twist of lime. He was now unscrewing a bottle of Mediterranean slimline tonic.

She yelped, “No!” as he lay the bottle alongside the glass.

“Sorry most people add the tonic to the gin and I cannae bear it drowned.”

“Wouldn't dream of it, surely that would be very presumptuous of me.”

“Aye well, most people I've met are very presumptuous.”

“Maybe you have spent too much time in London. if you don't mind me saying, Bernie.”

“Well, to be fair, we don’t spend a lot of time sitting on stools and propping up bars in my part of London.”

“More's the pity.”

“Can I bother you for a...”

Paddy popped a black straw into her tumbler.

“I will make sure when you come home next time none of my staff will be presumptuous.”

“Oh, I doubt you will remember me, Paddy. I only come up to see my Da. I can't imagine you will be seeing much of me in the future, hardly likely that I would ever be considered a regular.”

“Now who is being presumptuous?”

Bernie went to put the straw between her lips but paused, realizing the stranger was still watching her. She suddenly felt uncomfortable. As heat rose in her cheeks. She suddenly felt awkward on the stool, squirming to find some sort of comfortable position. The stranger smiled in a way she could not understand; it wasn’t smug or suggestive, but as if there were sharing a joke, but she wasn’t sure what the joke was.

She hopped off her seat, for a brief moment realizing her arse was in the air and prayed he had altered his gaze. Focusing anywhere but behind the bar, she grabbed her glass and bottle in one hand, put the whisky against her elbow and waist, the pint in her other hand, turned and swiftly moved toward her thirsty friends.

Shelagh Bernadette Mannion don’t you dare look back and see if he is watching you he is recently widowed with a son, Da said. He is, what do they call them now, a bloomer or something like that. God has shown you his path for you and it certainly does not include the Crown Inn, Poplar-on-Tweaven.

He is still watching me, I can feel it.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

Tilli

OMG! Tumblr is so mean! I swear, I hate when Tumblr eats my asks. I try to save all my fics, because Tumblr cans eat them. But hope, you're fine! And I'm happy to see your answer!~

O, I'm happy that you like my asks! I'm completely fine with short requests, so I sent one today too. Hope, you got it! I'm also waiting for every your fic or headcanon! I love it very very much! And I also love to read about Inarizaki boys simping for their manager! 

I think, idols are nice people and also hard working, but I really don't like that SMI and fans forget that idols are humans too and criticize them on the smallest of things. I really don't want to know about their private life and I think that it's disgusting that fans can suddenly start hating them because they're people too and insist that they should leave the group. Like... Guys, really? So, I prefer just listen to music. x)

Omg, thank you that you tell me about BTS and Inarizaki boys! I really enjoyed reading this! O, and I also listened to some BTS songs you recommended and some more today, because my brain needed a rest. Thank you very much! I like them. I'll more than happy if you give me some more recommendations!~

Thank you very much for your support!~ It's really not a big deal. I feel something like this every winter. I just couldn't write fic today, because I hadn't energy to do something, needed rest. I've low temperature and pressure, so my brain doesn't work. But now my mental health is completely fine, so I hope that I'll write next part tomorrow. And Eve already has next day in queue. I'm so sorry, I hope, I won't fail. I'll try my best to stay healthy!~ It happened just because it was too cold and windy, omg.

Well, I love animals very much since childhood. When I found out that meat is dead animals, I stopped eating it. Now I can eat meat, but I don't like it (Please, some people are so mean, really. Some adults, like my friends parents, teased child!me a lot because I'm vegetarian). I started to eat meat because I had problems with people who don't understand it. But now I went back to vegetarianism. I also try to became vegan right now. Do you like meat? What is your favourite food? 

I love you too, dear! I'm waiting for every your post too! 

It's about -3 - -5 degrees now. But today I dressed very warmly and everything was great! My temperature is also normal now. I'll go to buy some new clothes the day after tomorrow! 

You also can think about some event for you and me in your blog! I'm fine with every idea. Don't hesitate to offer!~

Wow, like it's raining everyday? Haha, we have something like this in autumn, but it's also cold. x)

Thank you very much! I also enjoyed writing Kageyama's part! I like to write confessions fics! Omg... First haikyuu favourite (it was in 2015, so long ago)... Kenma? x) It was really long ago! i liked Kenma at first. After I hadn't favourite until I met Atsumu and Inarizaki boys. x) 

Love you too! Stay safe and healthy!~ 

-

Yeah the app glitches with saving a lot 😭😭I wish it didn't but oh well 👉👈 Tumblr also let me meet you, so I guess it's a teensy bit good—

The Inarizaki boys just love their manager so much, I think it's really ADORABLE and precious to see :D I love writing them too and I hope you'll like today's drabble because I loved writing it!!

I ABSOLUTELY KNOW RIGHT!! some people act like idols are their property and it totally makes me sick. Like what they choose to do with their lives should really not concern you. If it's for a show or a music event, then you can definitely enjoy it, but when it starts getting so overbearing and intrusive I really hope the fans and media in Korea will change their norms.

Awww I'm really glad you did!! Here's a list of BTS songs I love listening to;

1. Friends (this is special because Taehyung and Jimin wrote it together and they're singing about their friendship. They're really close so they even call each other soulmates haha)

2. Euphoria (Jungkook's solo song. I love it so much)

3. Moon (Jin's solo song. He sings about how he will be a moon to his fans and always be there)

4. Heartbeat (all of them sing together. This song was used as a soundtrack for their game haha, but it's sooo good)

5. Mikrokosmos (this is a really sweet song where they sing and thank their fans for supporting them)

6. Magic shop (this has similar meaning to mikrokosmos)

7. Best of me (I LOVE THIS SONG SKJDKSKS),

Oh please don't worry, and I'm really happy you're feeling better. You're very special to me so I don't want you to be in pain :)

You're such a sweet person with a good heart, I'm really impressed by your kindness. That's so sad to hear about your friend's parents treating you that way tho. They should realise that not only are you being kinda and humane to animals, you're also getting lots of health benefits from being vegetarian. I'm glad you're doing what you love and not caring about their opinions. It isn't true anyways, and it's just plain silly. I don't really like meat all the time, but for some of my favourite dishes, it's just completely empty without meat :( my favourite food are dumplings and Korean food. Malaysia has lots of places to eat Korean food and the ingredients are also readily available from Korean shops, so I buy them and cook at home sometimes too. Besides desserts, what are your favourite foods?

Love you more :D ✨✨💖💖💖💖

Oh that's good to hear!! I'm sure that's very cold but it's good that you're dressing warmly and going shopping soon.

Aww thank you so much!! I'm really happy with this Inarizaki event rn and I hope I'll be able to think of something for the new year too. Maybe reopen the tea-shop haha.

Oh autumn!! I see. And yes hehehe I enjoyed reading it very much. Kageyama is an awkward and cute babie. Oh Kenma!! I agree, he's very mysterious and cute, and I understand why you'd like him. I like Kageyama and Sugawara at first, but when it was the Seijoh arc, I just fell in love with Oikawa 💖✨ he's so cute. And then when I met the Inarizaki boys, I just fell in love with Atsumu, so now Atsumu and Oikawa are my two favourites.

I hope you'll stay safe and warm, I love you very much, Tilli-chan!!

[trynnabemultifandom]

Ch 1|Your first day| Gavin Reed x Reader Book

Tuesday 29 February 2039 7:30 AM

Your POV

I take a deep breath in and out to calm myself. First day jitters is all. When I feel like I'm calm enough, I walk through the front doors. Upon walking up to the front desk, I see a female android sitting there managing everything. "Hello, how can I help you?" She asks me, smiling politely. "Hi, my name is Y/n L/N and today is my first day. I was wondering if you could guide me to Captain Fowler's office?" I reply. She nods "Ah yes, Detective L/N. Captain Fowler's office is right up ahead and first turn on the left. Welcome to Detroit Police Department" I nod and thank her, making my way to Fowler's office. I knock on the door and not even a second later, I hear a loud "Come in" from the other side. "Hello Captain Fowler, it's good to meet you" I say, shaking his hand and sitting down. "Detective L/N, good to meet you too. I know that today is your first day but I hope you don't mind getting straight into work" I try contain my excitement "I absolutely don't mind. In fact, I was hoping you would say that" He chuckles a little "So we have an eager worker"

Not a moment later, he calls in another person into his office. "This is getting ridiculous, Fowler I didn't even do anything this time, why are you calling me in here?" the voice says. So he's a trouble maker then, who ever he is. "I called you in here Detective Reed because you're getting assigned a new partner" I turn my head to see the source of the new voice but there is something blocking me from seeing it. "Oh no, Fowler I'm not being partnered up with one of those plastic pricks" Fowler's expression seemed to have changed from a monotone expression to an angry one "Detective Reed I will not be dealing with you attitude today. Your partner is a human being and is right behind that door. Go say hi to her, be nice and show her around!" Captain Fowler walks through the door, my new partner following behind him "Detective Y/N L/N, this is your new partner Detective Gavin Reed. Reed this is L/N, I hope that you will both get on well and have no problems, if either of you do though, come talk to me. Now get to work"

Before i could say another word, my partner Gavin stormed out and was mumbling something under his breath. I sighed but tried to remain positive about the whole situation. I follow Gavin to his desk and I see a free desk in front of his. I place my bag down and take a seat. "Fowler put me on road duty, going 'round seeing if I need to give anyone parking tickets, so that's what we're doing today." I didn't expect him to talk or even explain what we were doing, but he did "Ok" Gavin stands up and gets his keys, I presume that means we're leaving now. I slip my phone into my back pocket and follow Gavin out to his car. "Bet this isn't a fun as you wanted it to be" Says Gavin, out of the blue. I look over to him, "I wouldn't mind if a big action case came in, but this is good too"

I wanted to add on by saying we could get to know each other, but I feel like sharing information isn't really Gavin's style. "Well with the amount of androids going rogue, we might have an action case soon. Those fuckers can't seem to keep a hold on their emotions" I was about to say something before Gavin added onto what he was saying "Not that they should have any emotions" That peaked my interest "You think androids shouldn't have emotions?" I ask him. He looks me in the eye, it sent a chill down my spine "You do?" I nod "Well yeah, not only are they basically supposed to be human, so they kind of have to have or show 'emotions' but I mean, a lot of people don't like to think this way, but they're living too. Whether the androids are deviant or not, they should still be able to live free"

When I'm finished talking, Gavin had already pulled into a parking space. Gavin turned to face me "We'll continue this in the Cafe" I nod though Gavin's already out of the car. By the time I catch up to him, he was already in the queue so I just decided to grab a table. "Hey, I just went ahead and ordered you a coffee. Hope that's ok" I look up at Gavin and smile "Yeah, that's grand, thank you. To be honest, I wasn't actually expecting anything" Gavin pulls a fake shocked face "Hey, I'm mean, but I'm not that mean" We both chuckle at this. It's so weird that Gavin is actually being nice to me. Not only did he just meet me but he's never been nice to anyone before as far as I've heard. "Hey, how much was the coffee?" I ask. Gavin looks up from the table "Why?" "I want to pay you back for buying me this one" He just smiles, "If you really want to pay me back, you'll buy the next time, but now we gotta go" I nod "Ok deal"

The drive back to the station was filled with both of us quoting old vines. When we got back to the station, Gavin walked over to the breakroom. Just as I was going to follow him, Connor came up to me. "Hi Y/N. We never got a chance to know each other. My name is Connor, I'm the android sent by Cyberlife. I was sent here to help Lieutenant Anderson with any deviant cases they get. I suppose you could call me a deviant hunter" I smile "Hi Connor. Yeah, we never got a good chance to talk before now-" I was cut off by a gruff call of my name. I turn my head to the direction it came from. I see Gavin standing there with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall. I turn back to Connor "Sorry Connor, I got to get back to work" He smiles "It's quite alright Y/N, I understand" I walk over to Gavin, who's still leaning against the wall, arms crossed. "What do you want?" He scoffs "Ouch, that's harsh" I chuckle "Didn't mean for it to sound so harsh. Anyway, what is it? I was talking to Connor" His demeanour seemed to change slightly

"Oh nothing, I was just thinking that maybe we should be getting back to work, we've got quite a bit of paperwork to do, so I thought we could get a headstart on it" I nod, not fully believing what he's saying but go with it anyway. "Yeah, that's a good call. Want to get it done and out of the way now" We both sit down at our desks and Gavin gets straight to work. I get all my thing in order and try to work, but my mind keeps wandering. I can't help but think of how Gavin had changed from being an ass earlier on, to being nice. I don't want to ruin anything by asking about his sudden change, so I just decide to leave it. "Hey, Y/N, you ok?" I  turn to Gavin "Hm? Oh yeah, I'm ok" Gavin looks at me unconvinced but decides to drop it.

Time Skip

"Fowler, I'm going to be clocking out now, is there anything you need me to do before I go, because if you try call me after I leave, I'll probably be piss drunk" "Anderson you better answer your phone if I call! Connor informs me that he does have to get you from your house! I see Hank roll his eyes as he leaves "Yeah yeah whatever" I look back to my computer and look at the time . "My gosh, I didn't realise it was so late" Gavin looks over to me, "Yeah, time flies when you've got a lot of paperwork to do" I chuckle and turn off my computer, gathering all my belongings. Before I can even take a step, Gavin calls my name

Gavin's POV

What am I doing? I just met her today. I should hate her, but I don't for some reason. This is weird. I want to ask her does she want to grab some food with me, but I don't want to either give the wrong impression or get laughed at. Come on Gavin, you got this! "Do you want to maybe grab a bite to eat with me. Just we need to review the case files and I don't know about you, but if I bring them home, I will probably forget about them" I hope that was smooth enough. What the phuck is happening to me?! I need to get myself together! "Yeah, sure. I'd be absolutely hopeless and forget about the work too if I brought it home" We both chuckle. "Well let's go then, there's actually a place that's local if you want to head there" I nod "Yeah sure, sounds great. Just lead the way" What is this girl doing? She's my colleague so nothing can happen, and she's slowly moving her way in, to slowly break down my walls. Is it on purpose?

Your POV  

When Gavin asked me to go get food with him I was a bit shocked. I said yes, because if I was being honest, I was kind of hungry but also I wanted to spend time with him outside of work. I'm not too sure if he was being completely honest about getting food with me just to go over the cases, but I could be overthinking this and reading too much into it. He could be just being nice because we're partners. He probably doesn't even like me in either way. When we get out to his car he says, "Oh hey, if we get coffee, I promise I'll let you pay for it this time" I let out a laugh "Thanks. You know, I was going to get you a coffee in the breakroom and disguise it as store bought but that would just be cheating" He gasps while holding his chest "I would be so offended if you did. And here I thought our blossoming friendship meant more to you than that" He smiles to me, and I smile back. When we're sitting in the car, I can't help but go over his words in my head "I thought our blossoming friendship meant more to you than that" So maybe we are becoming friends. Maybe he does like me as a friend and not just a colleague. Now I'm excited to see how this turns out.

Ahhhhh, I'm finally finished. I think the reason why it took the length of time it did for me to finish it was the fact that it was so long and I had school work to do. But no my country is in lockdown, so I can't even go outside. I hope you liked this chapter, and sorry again that it took so long to write and upload. I'll et working on the next one, but I still have school work to do, I'll just have to maneuver this around my timetable, but there will be more chapters!!!

TUMBLR NOTE: AS I UPLOAD THE CHAPTERS TO WATTPAD, I’LL UPLOAD THEM TO TUMBLR

[cosmicdreamt]

[[ whheeeww so it’s that time of the month for me and while refilling neff’s queue i came across some old stuff and I just......wanna air somethings out. Putting it under a read more cause it can be a lil negative and a little personal and VERY long. I usually don’t like putting this stuff on my blog here but it can affect those I’m interacting with so just.....if you’re in a well enough mindset to read please do so. Otherwise don’t worry about it and no worries! ]]

[[ So while going through my archive to fill the queue as I mentioned, I saw threads and posts from people I no longer talk to/associate with and it just.....really made me think about a lot. Now I’m going to preface this by saying in the past I DID expect a lot out of people. There were times I was being A Lot/Too Much and I’m not going to admit like I couldn’t have handled things better.

However with this person in particular I have literally no idea what I did that made them ghost/cut ties with me. I thought I was being logical, helpful, and supportive, but I literally got left in the dust with no idea why, ESPECIALLY because this person had told me they appreciated me and our friendship and wanted to be a better friend to me.

And they were not the only person who did that. I’ve had quite a few people feed me those same words only to literally ignore me for weeks and months on end, for me to not hear from them unless I messaged first and even then not always getting a reply. Now, this isn’t about valid reasons like medical issues or low energy/spoons. This is literally a case of ‘this silence has gone on for much longer than reasonable with no communication as to why and I’m starting to feel like I did something wrong’. And then when approached I would get the “It’s not you it’s me and I’ll do better” answer only for that to....not happen.

So there are a few things I’d like to say. If it IS me, PLEASE don’t be afraid to tell me I’m being too much or coming on too strong. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or like they’re obligated to be social with me. Communicate with me. Please don’t lie to me and say you like having me around and then make me feel like my efforts to communicate/be a friend are wasted because I’m seeing posts about other people and things going on constantly while I’m sitting on radio silence. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt because I know sometimes things happen beyond our control. Maybe someone is busy or they didn’t get notified of my message or they need some space/can only deal with a close circle. But when I’ve said before it goes on for weeks and months......it’s disheartening. 

If I make an effort to talk to you and engage with you it’s not just to do so. Some of you may have seen me message multiple times a day and then go silent for days on end. Some of you may only get me talking about the same thing all the time. It’s because I want to talk and socialize with people but I’m not sure what exactly to talk about and it may be the only thing I know of that we can bond on. But at the same time I don’t want to be annoying and overwhelming so I distance myself if I start to feel like I’m doing that (even if it’s not the case!). While I don’t mind just being a mutual to interact with, I do genuinely want to get to know the people behind the muses too. We don’t have to be best friends or even friends. The casual conversation here and there is fine. I just don’t want to be a number. I follow to interact, ESPECIALLY if we’re mutuals.

That said I’m very serious about the relationships Neff makes as well. That’s not to say DON’T INTERACT UNLESS YOU PLAN ON THEM BEING BESTEST FRIENDS EVER. I have mutuals where we’ve traded few words both ic and ooc and this is not about getting more interaction from them. Things like that can’t be forced and if there comes a time where something bigger happens then it happens! Until then I’m happy just seeing y’all around and thank you for even the smallest time you’ve given me.  I mean in terms of interaction enough to develop something. I’ve had people in the past get me invested in a friendship/romantic ship only for it to get pushed aside or ignored. Again, this is not about valid reasons like not having the muse or energy. I mean someone coming to me and we go through a whole talk together, going from engaged interaction to my attempts being flat out ignored for others CONSISTENTLY. I’m aware tumblr has a habit of eating asks/not notifying people/and sometimes people are selective with what they want to answer. This is literally every time I sent something in it wasn’t responded to and me asking if they got anything was left unresponded to as well. If I seem like I’m over explaining please forgive me, I just want to make sure I’m being as clear as possible in my feelings of what upset me because I’ve been gaslighted many times before, told I was being unreasonable when I was, in fact, being reasonable. 

I’m sure reading this may turn a lot of you away and that’s okay. I’d rather you all be comfortable with who you’re interacting with and there’s no hard feelings. Some of you may understand and have also been through what I have. You have full permission to come rant to me about it. All I hope is that this explains my behavior at times.

I just want to end this thanking you. Thank you for taking time out of your day tor read this, thank you for all the times you’ve liked a post, sent in a meme, responded to an ask or an IM. None of you owe me anything so the fact that you’re willing to give me even the smallest is appreciative. I hope I worded this as properly as possible. I’m bitter from these past experiences but don’t want to come across like I’m blaming any of you.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Take care of yourselves <3 ]]

[bearmustard]

Hi Clare, I was hoping you would be able to rec some blogs on here. I know you've done this huge blog appreciation recently but I would really appreciate a more personalised rec, Basically I've had multiple experiences with certain bloggers on here who just like ignore asks?? For no apparent reason?? Like the asks are genuine questions I have (bc I haven't been here from day 1) or interpretations/opinions I was super keen to share and I find it incredibly rude that they just blatantly ignore me.

(2/2): And I do give people the benefit of the doubt, I give them so much time but I know bc all of them are super active and respond to many asks daily and mine are repeatedly disregarded? Because you are literally my fav on here, I am entrusting you with endorsing ppl like yourself, who are kind, considerate, empathetic, honest but tactful, open-minded to new opinions minus a superiority complex and who are patient and more than WILLING to actually RESPOND to my questions and thoughts. Thanks.

Hey nonnie, thank you so much for your kind words about me! 

I’m not too sure I can help you here - I don’t follow too many people who answer lots of asks, and probably all the people I mention might be the ones you already know. Plus, I don’t know how people choose to respond to asks? It’s hard to know for sure - everyone has different ways that they manage them.

I can say though, for myself, that some asks I save to my drafts (especially if they’re long) and then forget to get back to them, or some require in depth answers that I don’t have the time or energy to address when I get them and then I get stressed that I haven’t answered them and put them off even further. Sometimes tumblr eats my asks, or I only get the second message of 2. Sometimes I don’t know the answer, or it’s about something I don’t really want to talk about (though in this case I usually make a tag post). I also don’t get many asks and I still find them overwhelming sometimes, so I tend to answer short asks first because I can clear them out of my inbox with less time. 

I guess my point is that I don’t know why others aren’t responding to your asks, and I guess the only way you can know for sure is to ask them? Going off anon can mean they can respond to you without having to post publicly, if there’s an issue with that. Otherwise, an anon that’s a gentle reminder sometimes helps my adhd brain move answering something to the top of the queue. 

I think right now we’re all dealing with a huge amount of background stress that effects every one’s executive function, so it helps to be mindful of that. If you think people aren’t treating you well, communicate with them and ask them why! There’s always a reason! 

As for who to follow, I still stand by my master follow post from a few weeks ago - my dash is a pretty pleasant place to be! I am somewhat affected by being in a stupid timezone though so I miss a lot. 

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[otp-armada]

A Time Capsule

I’ve been lurking across several fandoms spanning a decade now, since my days of reading “Bones” fanfics on fanfiction.net. Before any inkling of Ao3’s existence. Maybe longer, my memory is murky at times.

I’ve never made a splash in any fandom, so to speak. I’ve always been content to stand shrouded in anonymity, residing on the edges of fandom, never an active participant. Perfectly at peace to never have a voice. Never brave enough to want to be heard. It has only been in the last few years that I discovered Tumblr and felt comfortable enough in taking advantage of its anon feature to interact mostly with The 100/Bellarke crowd, “conversing” with one user in particular. In the instances I chose to speak, there was safety in knowing my words never had an identity attached. A safety that lent itself to sending anon asks a fairly common activity until I wrote one recently sharing a remnant of my “The 100” viewing experience. The warm response from the users who read it left me smiling for the rest of the day. Their reply took a direction I didn’t expect. They encouraged me to take credit for my words under my username, which of course, I didn’t have, not being a Tumblr user.

I was flattered by the response, bolstering me to continue the line of conversation with another ask and was met with reiterated sentiments.

In the wise words of one of those awesome people,

“I was the ultimate lurker for a long, long time. I had a Tumblr account for four years before I ever made a single post, and even then I had to be talked into it. And you know what? When I finally starting “talking,” it was so freeing! Even if no one else was listening, even if I was speaking into the void, I was no longer dependent on anyone else to share my thoughts and opinions. I could do that myself.”

I took the compliment but waived the advice. Tumblr is made of communities built upon sharing and I have always been unto myself an island. It goes against my shy, introverted nature to take part in a community. I have no business pretending I have a place there. None at all.

And yet, despite my misgivings, the idea wouldn’t leave me as I believed it would. I started to genuinely ponder the merits of creating a blog.

There are strong reasons to support the affirmative.

First, the utilitarian benefits. In the absence of a blog, I turned to alternative methods of archiving appealing posts. If by some miracle, the item count of my browser reading list hasn’t yet ascended to the thousands mark, it most assuredly rests in the hundreds. My camera roll queue has indubitably reached the thousands count, currently sitting pretty at 3,300. I shudder to think of the sheer number of my bookmarks. One hundred and eighty notes on my phone. The final frontier has been broken, at last, habitually inundating my laptop with screenshots. Long has it been overdue to clean house.

Second, I find writing to be a herculean undertaking I enjoy in the moments it doesn’t drive me to the brink. A slow-going process, but when I’m able to appreciate the fruits of my labor, marvel at the polished product, I often feel quite proud. Writing is a skill I’ve lost touch with over years of disuse but found incrementally returning while expressing my opinions via Tumblr asks. Like any skill, it can be honed with time and practice. Transferring my streams of consciousness onto written medium challenges me to think critically, ask myself if my POV genuinely holds true or falls apart, requiring further reflection. If nothing else, it’s a good way to process thoughts and emotions. I find it easier than and therefore preferable to oral communication. I am a perpetual editor, always amending my statements which can’t really be done as effectively in speech.

Third, if there was ever a time to join the Tumblr fandom I’ve found a home in for the last three years, why not in time for the show’s last ride? The night I signed up for Tumblr coincided the first day of “The 100” cast and crew filming their 100th and poetically final episode. Around the same space of time, we got a release date and the nostalgic goodbyes of a few cast members rolled in. I know when Bellarke crosses the last threshold, I’d want it plastered all over my dash and I’d be able to make it happen.

But where there are pros, the cons inevitably follow.

Do I really need a further distraction from my responsibilities, spending additional hours and expending more energy I should not spare online? The too easy potential for more hours behind a screen when prone to headaches and horrid habits of not regulating my eating and sleeping schedules? The answer is a clear and resounding “No.” Would maintaining a blog be harmful to my mental and emotional health? Remaining anonymous has historically done a fine job of insulating me from general rebuke, which has mitigated the risk of reproach at least. No corner of the internet can be designated as a safe space. I knew I would in all likelihood have to work diligently to curate and be responsible for my experience, leading me to doubt how the effort could possibly be worth it. How could it be worth feeling exposed, self-conscious? Constantly second-guessing myself, debating whether or not my thoughts are best kept within the privacy of my mind to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes? Combating the periodic skepticism that my thoughts possess value worth writing?

There was always the lingering possibility I was overthinking the decision to my detriment, as is my norm. After all, it seemed silly and dramatic to regard one obscure little blog in a sea of hundreds of millions of social media users as momentous. But I know myself better than that. It is a really fucking big deal for me.

I vacillated between both sides of the argument for days before deciding not to follow through with the venture.

And then one night, a single stray observation ran through my mind. One observation became another, became another and before I knew it, I had formed the grounds for an entire meta post. It didn’t end there. More ideas filtered through. I expanded on those ideas. More traction gained. Another meta formed. More jumping off previous points. Before long, I had mentally written the foundations for four metas. And I was so excited and proud of forming these connections to this puzzle without even trying that I wanted to share it. I sat down to write them in my trusty Notes, outlining, trying to jot the main points down before they fizzled away from memory. I saw how long-winded these spiels had gotten sans the full writeup, subsequently rationalizing…well, not blowing up someone’s inbox is just good manners, isn’t it? And terribly inefficient to boot. More to the point, it seemed a disservice to myself to censor my rumination to fit the small confines of a Tumblr ask box.

The part of me that wanted to push forward envisioned what the future of my blogging efforts may look like. That part knows that this blog is for me and only me. What makes me laugh, what makes me cry. Smile. Rage. Flail. Think. Whatever the hell I want. I get to say what I want, however, I want. It’s incredibly nerve-wracking. It’s also exciting, thrilling, and yes, freeing. The notion of carving out a tiny space for me to fill to the endless brim with whatever brings me joy makes me…really damn happy. It’s not an easy feat to accept and harder to retain. I should be ok, so long as I never forget that I get to be in control of what happens here. It’s within my right to block anyone I don’t want to engage or associate with. It’s my full right to not care what anyone else has to say if I don’t want to. Block out anything negative I don’t want to endure with only a few clicks. If I decide I want to walk away, permanently or otherwise, for any reason, it’s within my right to do that too. It’s comforting.

There was a time when I “knew” I would never sign up for an Ao3 account until one of my favorite authors withdrew the majority of her stories from public consumption. I “knew” I was never going to post commentary until I did. I “knew” my username would never be seen by anyone aside from me, never to be affiliated with my commentary until it was.

I did. Each and every time I thought I would never, I did. I broke my own barriers with patience and some courage. Maybe the most intimidating aspect of something new is simply the beginning. I said earlier that I’ve been an island for nearly as long as I can remember. It’s still true, I don’t expect overnight results. It’s probably going to be true for a long time. Perhaps forever. But maybe it’s all the more reason why I should take this step toward peeking out of my self-imposed shell. Do what scares you, or whatever it is they say.

I wish I could say it was enough to reverse my earlier verdict.

Nope, I had to agonize some more.

What can I say? Fear is a damn powerful inhibitor.

Lo and behold, as if the universe took pity on me, I got the chance to communicate directly with the same awesome lady whom I quoted above and she kindly offered some more merciful wisdom to a truly maddeningly indecisive individual:

“When you create a blog, you are STILL anonymous. You have a username, yes, but it doesn’t lead back to you unless you want it to. You still have your personal privacy. Tumblr isn’t Facebook. If you want to disclose personal information, you can, but you certainly don’t have to.

And second, your blog is for you, not for anyone else. It’s for you to express your own opinions. Or create gifs or other visuals. Or just repost what other people create. You can be on every day, or just once a week. It’s also a great way to save stuff you might want to look at again. And then… and then… when brilliance suddenly hits you, you have somewhere to let it hang out! 😁”

It was much I had already considered, but it helped immeasurably to have my reasoning reaffirmed from an external source I respect. I logged into Tumblr for the first time the very same night.

After much deliberation, an uncharacteristic burst of bravery and a grueling four hours I owe to technological ineptitude, I have, tentatively and cautiously, opted to give this Tumblr thing a go.

With luck, a day will never arrive when I dust this preamble off for a much-needed pep talk. Instead, it is my hope that one day, this memo-to-me will stand as proof that I don’t always need to be afraid of the unknown. Not all endeavors have to be as frightening as they may appear. And if I can apply this attitude to all else suppressing my personal growth, I might just be peachy someday.

Bearing this in mind…

…here we go.

[dtownsuga]

BTS 「dating a plus size s/o」

Here is the second part, thankyou for requesting😊💓

Read hyung line here

Jimin

We all know how conscious Jimin was with his body. He knew what it felt like to not love your own body, and that is the last thing he wanted you to experience.

You were out with him for a regular Sunday date. Nothing fancy. Both of you were queueing for the newly opened ice cream store, when one of the girl in the line recognize Jimin. It was good though that she didn’t make a fuss about it, but what she said left a certain scar on you.

“You are y/n, right?”

“Yes.”

“You know, I supported you and Jimin, but you should probably consider about losing weight.”

There is nothing wrong with that. She is right, you weren’t the best in shape for Jimin.

“I thought you were a good person, I guess you should never judge a book by its cover, no. Plastic.” Jimin said bluntly.

“What does her body size have to do with you?”

“Jimin, you are being too-“

“Harsh? I am not. It is just not okay to say something like that. It’s not about being right or wrong, it is just not okay.”

The girl was shocked due to the fact that Jimin, a soft mochi on the TV screen and of course in reality, would go that far for you. She did apologize for saying that.

“You know what, let’s buy this ice-cream and eat it while watching your favorite movie. That sounds ideal for me.”

“Deal.”

Taehyung

This man will love every single part of your body, with or without all the flaws in it. You loving your own body and standing up on your own, amazed him more than anything.

You realized that you were way better than society’s expectation of what beauty is. Beauty is not about being 40kg but 175cm tall, that is starving. Beauty is when you know your flaws and you wear them well, showing the society that you are you.

“Yeotan a, come hear!”

“Y/n, are you ready?”

“Yes!”

“You are gorgeous.”

“Stop that, Tae. This is just sweatshirt and joggerpants. We are just going to take this dog for a haircut.”

“Well, May I or May I not compliment you, princess?”

“Compliment me when I wear something good. If you keep on praising me when I wear these things, I might end up going to party with pajamas, thinking I still look good.”

“Well, I mean, somehow the answer is yes.”

You basically facepalm yourself before heading to the door, holding Yeotan in your arms.

“I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of me too.”

Jungkook

You are everything he has ever wanted, and he was way more than what you have ever imagined. You will have this occasional conversation about your body when you feel like talking about it, usually near your period.

He wouldn’t stop saying how beautiful you are, and being heavier doesn’t make you any less than that.

There was one time, when you have this kind of a conversation which made you fall in love with him, all over again.

“what is your type, actually, Jungkook?”

“My type? like, blood type?”

“No, stupid. Of course, I’m talking about girl.”

“Well, isn’t that obvious?”

“Well, it was obvious that you won’t date someone like me.”

“But I dated you, right?” he rolled his eyes, and you chuckled when you know you successfully annoyed him.

“I know, but if you can choose, will you date IU sunbaenim instead?”

“That’s really hard to choose actually.”

“You are really thinking about it?”

“I thought you asked.”

“I didn’t expect that.”

“Now you know what’s annoying right?”

“Evil.”

“Listen, y/n. I know ‘ideal’ sounds so convincing, but I will want to date someone ‘right’ rather than someone ‘ideal’.”

“I didn’t see that coming.”

“I never seen anything coming for as long as I remember.”

“Annoying.”

—

Hello guys, i’ll be taking some times off from tumblr. i hope you guys have an enjoyable, happy month. I love all of you😊💞

[shelltershock]

hello. i wanted to message you because i'm not really happy with you. i've sent you in tons of asks, i've sent you private messages. you never respond to them. i see you online every single day and sometimes i see you reply to one thread more than others so why does mine get put off for like a week at a time? you say you love everyone but ur clearly biased. if you dont like me just say so.

     ~*..// Alright, first, I’m going to say this: Next time you have an issue like this, come to me off of anon. I can’t fix issues with people unless I know who you are and what’s wrong. I’m not a mind reader, if I’m doing something wrong or hurtful to you, you need to tell me. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but as someone who struggles with severe anxiety that is flared when I think I make people upset, come to me so I can fix it. This message honestly gave me such bad anxiety I couldn’t touch my inbox since I got it. 

     Now, I’m going to break this message down as best I can.

     I’m sorry you aren’t happy with me. I really am. I do so much to try and make people happy, but I am only human. I make mistakes. I’m not able to make everyone happy and that is an issue I am slowly coming to terms with. I do what I can to keep my followers safe, happy, and keep my blog as a safe space for everyone. You can ask my friends, I am quick to re-tract issues such as accidental mis-gendering, trigger or content warnings, removing head canons that could potentially be viewed as harmful stereotypes, messaging people to double check if they’re okay with things. I try. I try so hard. If I don’t get feed back from you on what I’m doing wrong, I can’t fix it. 

     As for the asks, I’m sorry. I really am. But as I found out recently, my inbox apparently loves to eat asks. Like, legit. I don’t know why, I don’t know how it chooses it’s victims, but it does. But here is the thing as well: I don’t always answer asks. My main concern is getting caught up with the drafts I have currently, then I go in and answer asks; unless an ask is particularly appealing to me. Everyone has selective days. If I don’t answer your ask after a week, chances are I haven’t been on or tumblr ate it. 

     For the private messaging issue, I would like to reiterate this statement: I am not always on. I would also like to point out that everyone has selective days. There are days that I am just not into talking and if I am then it’s most likely people I’ve formed a bond with. People I feel comfortable around. People who I see as wanting to actually be friends and not just use me for muse interactions. Sometimes, I just want to talk to a specific person. It happens. It’s part of being an introvert. I’m sorry you feel like I’m ignoring you, but I will always respond to private messages so long as they don’t make me uncomfortable. It just might take some time. 

     Next, I want to talk about me being online every day, because that’s not a thing. I’m sorry you think it is, considering I’ve stated many, many times I leave my queue running during the day. My queue runs from 11 am EST to 11 pm EST and spits out 20 posts a day. I do not tag my things as queued, because if I did, 98% of my blog would show up in the ‘queued’ tag. Heck, I wasn’t on at all the past few days. And if I was, it was for a brief moment to see how things are, then I disappear again. I am not here to be at someone’s beck and call. I am here to have fun. I am here to get away from my reality, and drama like this makes me want to leave tumblr. It’s when people get so needy, they don’t realize, other bloggers don’t actually owe them anything. 

     Yes, there are day’s I actually reblog posts instead of putting them in the queue. Why? Because my muse is absolutely awake and alive for that thread and wants more. Because that thread has caught my attention for the day, or me and the mun plotted something and I’m excited to get to it. Sometimes, I just really only want to do one thread. For example, Bridgette is exceedingly active right now, so the chance of me actually posting her threads is much higher. Not guaranteed, but higher. 

     I queue all of my threads. Everyone’s thread has been queued at some point or another because queueing them keeps me from getting overwhelmed. It keeps things paced so I don’t go from having no replies due to suddenly oweing 50. Because if that happens, I shut down for a while. I’m not a reply machine. I’m on here to have fun and I do what I need to to keep myself happy and stable and not force anxiety attacks. I’m sorry you want more interactions with me. I’m sorry you don’t get replied to as much as you like. But I’m not here for you. I’m here for me. I’m here to make friends, to enjoy my muses, my ships. I’m here to meet people who actually care about the person behind the screen. 

     I do love every one of my followers. They’re the reason I have threads to begin with. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be selective. I stated very clearly that I am semi-selective. I’m sorry you think I owe you more, but I don’t. I’m not going to go out of my way to please someone who can’t bring their issue to me personally. I’m sorry you feel like I dislike you. Because the truth is, if we have a thread, or I’m following you, I don’t dislike you. 

     Anyways, that’s all I have to say. From now on, please try to be more mindful of the person behind the screen. You have no idea what they deal with on a day-to-day. You have no idea how hard it might be for them to reply to certain threads on certain days. And most importantly, you do not own the person you are role-playing with. Role-playing is meant to be fun. If you aren’t having fun with me, which, judging by this message - you’re not, then stop rping with me. I’ll be sad to see a follower go, but if not wondering if I like you or not will help you, then I understand. 

     I hope you have a good day, and I hope any of my followers who read this message and relate to it can take one thing from this: Role play for yourself. Not for others. Do what makes you happy. Stop bending over backwards to make others happy. You are you, you are amazing.

     Have a good day everyone.