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cowgirlcherrie · 1 year ago

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⬭ 𓈒 hey there! all star. chapter two: the pink pen

╰ * rockstar! ellie x singer! reader x rockstar! abby

synopsis: At All Star University deviance isn’t tolerated. When the band room is up in flames with 3 music students to blame, community service at a band camp in the summer is in order.

warnings: 18+, MDNI, smoking, mentions of arson, fighting, sexual undertones if you look closely, jealousy, slighty dark! ellie n abby, descriptions of blood, stabbing (with a pen), touching, jabs at hooking up, crazy-exes, if you watched tsitp (like a team conrad vs team jeremiah type beat), big feelings denial

a/n: (9k + words) There is definitely a change of speed this chapter, now for the fun, a lot of stakes a presented this chapter which lines up for future chapters, thus why there is one flashback to the fight scene, and some gaps of events — as always my inbox is open I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter if you ever wanna pop in to talk about it, I would love to hear theories as well

previous. next chapter

02. the pink pen

You wish you could super-glue your eyes shut.

The heat scorned your back, as the light layer of sunscreen you applied started to melt. The terrible air circulation from the broken bus fans didn’t help how sticky you felt against the red leather seats of the school bus.

Of course, apart from the 3 of you that had to volunteer, some other campus students were there as well; naturally volunteering out of the kindness of their own hearts. They were often plastered on the University’s Instagram as appreciation for their service.

Recognizable to you was first, Nora, who walked onto the bus with a pep in her step, followed by Dina and Jesse who you knew as friends of Ellie, Manny -- Abby’s practice buddy, and the silhouette of the last person who made your heart drop. A scowl appearing on your face as you brought a hand up to your face in shock.

Elora was the last campus student to enter the bus.

The smug look on her face made you want to walk right up and slap it off of her. This was ridiculous. In this very moment, you hated the fact that you signed up for this – you should have just taken the expulsion, this was fucking awkward. You turned your head to look at Abby who was already looking at you as if she wanted to slam her head into a wall.

With a loud – thud, Abby’s head hit the window, while you slowly slid down in your seat.

“If you act like you don’t see IT…it’s not even there” Abby whispered, referring to Elora as ‘it’ - making you only groan in response.

Ellie was to your right in the 3 seater, making you sandwiched between the two. Squinting at the two of you in confusion. The loud screaming music of her headphones masked any sounds your lips were making – so she tried to read lips.

Ellie only got “don’t look” “not… there” and she eventually just tilted her head forward to mind her own business. Ellie was quiet this go round, you were waiting for her to just unclip her seatbelt and try to switch with Nora, who sat with Dina. Mentally, you thought she probably had enough of you and Abby’s shenanigans.

Ellie wore long jorts in the heat, her leg rubbing against your own; one leg slightly further out in the middle aisle but her left leg still touching yours. You could feel Ellie’s cold hands slightly brushing at your knee from its position that it had on your own. You were overstimulated at this moment. Between Elora looking at you, Ellie being basically on top of you, and Abby throwing insults about Elora in your ear, it was too much.

Abby and yourself went from cracking jokes and laughing to now trying your best to be invisible and unseen on the bus.

“It’s hard not to she’s literally looking at me.” You hissed lowly back to Abby, who popped up from her slumped position like a popcorn kernel to look back at Elora as she twirled the drumstick in her hands some more. Abby pretended to throw the drumstick at Elora’s head, clicking her tongue and pretending that she hit her target. “Maybe I should wack her…again”

“Maybe you shouldn’t”

“Nah maybe I should, ya know…poke her eye out or—”

“Seriously…Abby?”

“The bitch can’t even read music!”

“What is up with you guys?” Ellie’s voice boomed as she took out her headphones to look at the two of you. Her sea green eyes were deep into your own, suddenly feeling yourself shake slightly under her gaze. Now that you got to see her features up even closer, she was more beautiful than your brain sought her to be. Her freckled face is slightly red from the sun and glossy from the sunscreen she wore as well. A cropped Guns & Roses muscle tee on her body, exposing the familiar tattoos on her arms. Sunglasses on her forehead – mirroring Abby. You broke the contact, your eyes pleading with Abby to help you.

Deny Deny Deny

“You know…ex-flings” Abby blurted out, making sure to emphasize the word ex making you gasp and jab an elbow into her hip. Abby let out a huff at your unexpected jab.

Abby entirely missed your que.

You could feel your body getting jittery, your cheeks warm as your lips were slightly parted. You were not about to tell your crush about your failed situationship that nearly set you off.

“I wasn’t asking you, rookie, I’m asking y/n…” Ellie interrupted, not breaking eye contact with you. Great. She was staring you down like a hawk watching its prey. She was onto you. Ellie bit her lip leaning into you “Y/n…?”

You couldn’t focus. Between Ellie’s peppermint, eucalyptus scent that was hovering over you, your mind almost shutting dow; you looked past Ellie to look at Elora, who was already staring at you. Like you were a hunk of meat. It grossed you out, body shifting under her gaze, you could feel her eyes shifting to parts of your body that were exposed. Looking at places that she shouldn’t. Like your thighs, or your cleavage that was showing as your boobs pressed against each other in the tight pink halter top you wore.

Abby, on the other hand was twirling her drums got faster…and faster – to the point where you can hear the whizzing of the wood slapping against her flesh fingers.

You swore the wood was going to snap.

Ellie followed your train of vision, her lips shut as she looked at Elora. You could feel Ellie tense next to you, taking her hand off of her own thigh to crack her knuckles briefly.

“You fuckin’ around with Elora?” Ellie sounded disgusted, “ooh you could do better” she sang, reaching down to fix your signature necklace that was slightly crooked at the center of your chest. Your hand gently grabbing at her own, but still looking elsewhere.

You were still hyper-focused on Elora, Ellie periodically looking back between you and Elora to see if she stopped looking.

“I’m not– I didn’t,” you sighed “We used to talk she kinda fucked shit up it’s just awkward to see her here…and now she won’t stop looking at me” Your voice was small, soft, almost whining.

Ellie could feel that you were uncomfortable. So could Abby to your left who fallen awfully silent. Your discomfort makes both girls grow angrier by the minute. Ellie didn’t like Elora. It wasn’t even for the fact that you were previously entangled with her but Ellie had her personal beef with Elora.

Starting with the fact that Elora swept her own ex-girlfriend from right under her own arms and was pretty determined to make sure anything Ellie touched would be briefly removed from her hands. Ellie’s hands gripped the backboard of the seat in front of you, her knuckles turning white.

“Stop staring back at her, just look at me” Ellie whispered aggressively making you blink rapidly out of the haze you were in.

Her raspy voice was like a siren call, making you instantly submit yourself to do whatever she said, whatever she wanted “Want me to do something– say something? Cuz I will” Ellie whispered her voice, dark.

Ellie looked murderous at the moment. What the fuck were you doing to her? Ellie hasn’t felt this way in months. Jealousy nagged at her heart, enraging her head until all she could see was red. She hated the way Elora looked at you, it wasn’t in a saying hi to an old friend way, but like she was stirring the pot in her head cooking up the most chaotic and disruptive recipe.

No sugar, bitter table-salt.

Given the opportunity to put Elora in her place, she would do it any day free of charge. A scowl made home on Ellie’s face. In the moment she was rather expressive– extremely expressive, in comparison to her stoic face 10 minutes ago. Ellie dug into the front pocket of your shorts taking out your pink pen that was peaking out. Double clicking it a few times. The clicking becoming obnoxious to the ears, like nails on a chalkboard — Abby sat up this time watching Ellie’s hands as her eyes flickered to Elora who of course was aloof as ever.

Ellie spoke up again,

“Say the word…”

You couldn’t find it in you to speak. Your silence defies the room. Ellie bounced her leg steadily growing irritated at the fact that you weren’t giving her an answer. The minute your supervisor turned to sit in her seat after doing attendance checks, Elora took the chance to give one final glance at you - Ellie’s jaw clenched as she felt the pen almost liquifying in her hand and flying uncontrollably.

Ellie held the pen like a dart as it whizzed in the air whacking Elora in the face. Elora turned around holding her cheek, letting out a groan that could be heard throughout the bus. Abby laughed to your left in amusement at Ellie’s sudden behavior; your mouth going wide staring at Ellie who only sunk back into her chair with a smug I don’t care - look on her face. Ellie’s head was skewing out different curses. The red she was seeing was pulsing, like a beating heart.

Two could play that game.

“So you let her do it but not me?” Abby shamelessly admitted, trying her best to conceal her laughter against the window. Even though she wasn’t the one to do it Abby found the situation entertaining.

Elora turned again, trying to figure out who threw the pen, locking eyes with Ellie who was already staring her down.

“Next time…” Ellie croaked, raising a hand to point at her right eye “It’ll be your fuckin’ eye” Ellie’s voice was prominent, threatening; sending Elora a cocky wink to finalize her statement.

It was safe to say that Elora didn’t look at you for the rest of the bumpy ride. Eventually, your head slumped against Abby’s bulked arms letting out silent snores as you slept peacefully for the 30-minute bus ride to the cabins. Abby was doing the same her head against the glass of the window while her hand was gently on your thigh.

Ellie looked like a guard dog, a Doberman, protective and alert – wired headphones returned in her small ears, zoning out ahead. Occasionally boring a hole into the back of Elora’s head before hitting the skip button to the song on her phone.

Ellie’s green eyes tilted down to Abby’s hand that was protectively over your leg — like a blanket keeping you warm in the winter. She wasn’t sure why she was feeling jittery all of sudden, she knew better than to think anything more of it.

Just a friend…

Abby was just a friend, right?

☆*•.

Arriving to the camp-site, smelling the air filled of freshly cut grass, merky salt water from the lake, a boost of serotonin ran through you. When summer calls and nature picks up the phone it was truly a sight to see. The buzzing of the bees – working overtime in pollination and flies out for blood put you at ease.

Stepping off the bus, you took your bags from the lower compartment to sling the pink duffle over your shoulder. Waiting in front as Abby did the same thing. Abby rightfully brought her drumsticks, tucking them in her butt pocket like she always does, while Ellie had her guitar case strapped to her back. A guitar pick hanging from her neck around a ball-chain silver necklace.

It truly reminded you of the times there was marching band practice during high-school summers.

Certain cabins with labels on them indicating the music rooms, dorms, and dining hall, nostalgia hitting you like a wet brick. A navigation stick at the center with arrows pointing at different locations of the camp.

The bee’s decided that your perfume was perfectly sweet, making you swat your arm around your head at the bees that were effortlessly trying to kiss your ear.

Abby, slid into the empty pocket of standing distance next to you, as you turned slightly to point at Abby’s sunglasses – your way of asking to wear them, to which she gracefully handed them to you with a smile.

Abby cleared her throat, “Ehm…Robin, hope you didn’t forget about our deal”

Right. The fucking bet, you wanted to forget the bet and honestly just ditch it. Feeling ridiculous and immature for making the deal in the first place — words slipping out of your mouth uncontrollably. You looked like you just got caught doing something you shouldn’t – shrouding bashfully away from Abby, looking up at her through your tinted glasses.

“How about we delay that til’ fall?”

“It’s too late we already swapped spit” Abby grumbled, pretending to do the act of spitting in her hand and shaking an imaginary one in front of her.

You puffed out your cheeks, rolling your eyes as you did so, letting the air deflate “I’ll bump it up to $40”

“Hey…you have one little interaction with the punk and now you’re giving up?” Abby began, nudging you with her arm “She got you feelin' hot and wet don’t she?’' Abby teased, her voice low and cunning almost as if she was daring you to try something.

Abby slyly put two fingers in her mouth, slowly sucking on her fingers – humming out a low moan deep in your ear before pushing her fingers out of her mouth with a loud pop!

Abby wasn’t wrong you were hot and bothered, probably not in the way she was thinking but definitely in need of a long cold shower to kill any sexual desires arising in your psyché.

Lewd thoughts attacking your neurons, sending shots of dopamine throughout your body – wondering what sweet nothings she would whisper in your ear, lips grazing your ear – before meeting your jawline, running her tongue against your skin. Then swirling her tongue at your neck occasionally giving the flesh a bite like a vampire, creating art on your body and leaving you in violet hues.

Was it normal to have such lewd, unholy thoughts about your best friend?

You couldn’t— no you shouldn’t. It felt almost illegal like you have been committing a crime.

No…you didn’t feel some type away it was just how she was. Maybe it was how she flirted you like always, but that was who she was, that was just…Abby. You needed to distract yourself - refocus, so you chose Ellie.

It didn’t help with how good Ellie looked under the sun’s gaze either. Shifting your gaze to where Ellie stood talking to Dina and Jesse who were giving very animated responses back to the girl. Ellie’s hands were on her hip slightly applying more pressure to lean on one leg. You could see the pack of Marlboro Reds in her back pocket, peaking out just a tad. Her cropped muscle tee lifts up every few minutes exposing the hemline of her boxers. You could feel the lace of your underwear in your denim light wash shorts, feeling stickier and wetter.

You were frustrated…extreemly frustrated, sexually.

Fuck

Was it the sun beaming or was it her?

Maybe it was the way Abby was seductively trying to get a rise out of you that was turning you on even further.

Snapping out of your trance, that had you tilting your head in different directions, biting at your pink glossed lips while your fingers played with the ends of your hair.

Abby was an asshole, an asshole that was causing your heart to palpitate in an unusual manner. She was a little devious devil on your shoulder pushing you to the edge.

“Dude seriously! – gross”

“Whatever you say dear” Abby sang putting her hands up in defense – a shit-eating grin on her lips. “Ellie’s about to make you her bitch…watch…not like it’s hard” Abby swiftly looked you up and down.

Not that you would mind – sitting at her feet begging her to touch you, it was your perfect wet fantasy.

But you wanted to prove Abby wrong. You wanted to be in control and call the shots, you desperately wanted the ball to be in your court.

“Yeah…we’ll see”

As if on cue, your supervisor tucks the clipboard under her arm giving a triple clap to grab everybody’s attention. The woman appeared to be in her 50s and the name tag on her her breast pocket saying ‘Adalaide’ sealed the deal for you. Her smile was wide, and looking up at everyone through her visor, she almost looked robotic – artificial.

“Welcome counselors to All-Star sleep-away band camp!” She shouted, bringing up her hands to give a mini applause. No one else followed suit to clap. It was almost humorous.

“We are so pleased to have you here! Helping to aid our student ran camping program is a big responsibility and the All-Star University family thanks you! At this table I have your staff shirts and name badges which you will be expected to wear, if you don’t wear your staff shirt because it gets dirty or unsanitary at any moment, name pins must be worn. Upon receiving your shirts you will initial next to your name, which has your cabin number at the top. We typically have separate cabins for the counselors…So that line of cabins,”

Adalaide pointed to the row of cabins down the rocky road from where you were standing

“...has two beds and a bathroom. On the desks of each bedroom, there will be a clipboard with rules and the group you are running or teaching. We will be meeting back here – at this central spot, around 12:30 which is when the campers start arriving”

You turn around to give Abby a slight smirk, taking off her sunglasses from your face and putting them on your head this time.

“We ensure you have a great experience, we hope you can make this a responsible and fun summer for the kids” Adalaide finished her announcement with an ear-splitting smile, the woman out of breath, clasping her hands together to make a loud clap.

The group of you made your way towards the wooden picnic table, picking up a woefully ugly red shirt with the word STAFF bolded in white lettering on the back, it was definitely something you had to personalize.

Initialing your name with the blue ink trailing your painted nail across the thin paper seeing your cabin number and bunkmate.

Cabin 3 with…ELLIE WILLIAMS

You mentally cursed at yourself, it was as if your downfall was being prayed upon. It’s not that you didn’t want to bunk with Ellie, but the thoughts of her that possessed you drove you insane. You didn’t think you could hold yourself back in a room alone with the girl.

Tilting to look at Abby, you let out a sigh seeing that she was occupied.

Abby got into a good conversation with Nora, Abby smiling, occasionally pushing her bangs out of her face. She was beet red, fiddling with the shark tooth around her neck.

Your small grin turning into a frown at the sight of it. It’s not that you were jealous…of course not — but Abby looked at Nora with such admiration, like she was the most beautiful girl you have ever seen.

You wanted Abby to look at you like that— no

You wanted someone to look at you the way Abby looked at Nora. You let out a growl at the conflicting voices in your head.

Looking around the mix of counselors you saw that Ellie had already disappeared off into the cabin. Deciding it would be best to just walk off on your own.

☆*•.

Heading down the trail, your white vintage classic rebooks got dusty. The sand gravel blowing onto your feet from the breeze of the trees. You walked into your cabin, the door letting out a loud creek as it slammed behind you.

It was homey – definitely smelled of slightly rotting wood and water from the lake, and was rather small; It was going to do the job for the month. Ellie’s bed and your own are across from each other with a desk at the center of the room. The in-cabin bathroom is small and in the corner of the 4x4.

Ellie’s eyes shifted up, eyebrows raised in amusement as she saw you come into the cabin. Looking at you up and down with a small smirk across her lips.

“Hey roomie, it’s an honor to share a bunk with you” Ellie teased taking out clothes from her bag and putting them into the bedside drawers. Her tone was cocky, almost poking fun at you.

“Something tells me I’m gonna regret it” You challenged cracking a smile. You slammed your bag down on your bed, which was followed by your body resting against the hard mattress that almost was the equivalent of sleeping on a box. Ellie was moving with great speed, picking up her fitted linen sheets and putting her blankets on the bed. She was almost finished packing. There was silence between the two of you. Mutually comfortable as you both did your own thing.

Ellie fluffed out her pillow one last time and looked up to where you were resting. Her eyes skimmed over your exposed skin: from how your shirt rode up and the way your shorts rested on your thighs. Ellie bit her lips looking closely at your waistline to see the light-pink underwear strap peaking through. She felt dirty for doing so, but she couldn’t help it. Your eyes were closed long eyelashes poking at your cheeks, giving your under-eyes butterfly kisses.

“Need a hand?” Ellie spoke up gently, as you heard a drawer close from her end, followed by the creaking of her bed.

“…y-yeah I could use the help juuust taking a breather” you whispered, bringing up your arms to block your face almost as if you were about to start a game of 7-up.

“You don’t mind me touching your stuff right,” Ellie asked, dipping a knee into your mattress and she fiddled with the puffball at the zipper of your duffle bag.

“No no– go ahead, do your thing” you responded, mentally counting to three before pulling your body weight to help. The two of you put away your clothes, followed by your sheets and blanket in silence.

You tried to ignore the fact that Ellie was gracefully putting your intimates in the top drawer with ease, her fingers running across the hemlines and edges of your bras and underwear as she slid them into the drawer.

Was it bad that you wanted her to take one?

“The shirt they are making us wear is fucking ugly” Ellie confessed, as she pulled down the remaining corner of your blanket, her muscles flexing as she moved. Ellie shifted her body this time, collapsing on your bed as she watched your body move. Ellie thought you were attractive – she always did, but granted the right person wrong time was very much real, the both of you were somewhat involved in relationships before she could make a move.

Ellie was smitten for you, hell half of the shit she would do for you, she definitely didn’t do for her ex.

Lifting up the red shirt and the pair of scissors on the desk, you pretend to snip air “Ugh I know, I was about to cut it into something” you began.

This wasn’t uncommon for you, fixing and revamping old clothes has been your creative passion since you were 10. Freshly in the 6th grade making your outfits yourself no matter how badly the colors matched. It was you; came strongly from your large heart. This was one of the moments where you could express your authentic self freely.

You rested the shirt flat on the desk, cutting a vertical slit at the neckline to create a small v-line and splitting the bottom into two halves so it would be easier to crop and tie in a knot. Smiling at your work you swiftly pulled the pink-halter top off – ignoring the presence of Ellie who was gawking at you. Her eyes glossed over your boobs admiring how nicely they sat in your push-up bra. The glittery lace compliments your skin well. Her thoughts were interrupted when your previously displayed bra had been covered by the red shirt.

You were teasing her.

Giving her a show — just enough to where she wanted to taste you and then pulling it back with that typical sweet look that was placed back on your dolled-up face. You tied it off in a knot at the bottom, the shirt fitting as you turned around to face Ellie fully this time.

“Ta-da!” you sang giving a twirl as Ellie whistled at you from her positioning at your bed. Ellie bit her lips watching the way you playfully danced. She wanted to grab you by the waist and pull you on top of her. Grabbing at your hair and your face like it was her last time touching it.

Ellie walked over, slightly tugging you aside by the waist as she set down her own red shirt on the table cutting off the sleeves – the shirt now in a muscle-tee format. Ellie mimicked your actions, disregarding her black top over her head leaving her in a Calvin Klein sports bra as she put the red top on. Ellie wasn’t breaking eye contact with you – like she always does. Staring you down as you adjusted her shirt to her body. It seemed like she got the hint – perhaps you were teasing her, maybe you did want her to look at you.

You DID want her to look at you

“That’s more like it…” Ellie mumbled, stretching her arms in the shirt.

“Looks like we are going to be having a lot of fun this summer” Ellie whispered, her fingertips ghosting over your waist, as she trailed her fingers along the side of your exposed skin, before picking up the clipboard behind you. You exhaled at the feeling of her cold tips on your skin sending shocks through your body at the sudden temperature change.

Your body being hit with flashes, from cool to warm and eventually burning hot, as if someone turned on a heater and blasted in your face. Heart thumping in your ears like rolling thunder.

You quickly cleared your throat trying to push the out of body experience you were having out — followed her actions. Turning around to face the desk– lifting up your own clipboard to see the thick layers of paper. A stack of 4 to 5 pages. 1-2 being rules, 3 being your attendance sheet and any dietary restrictions, 4 being the section you were teaching – which in this case was vocal lessons, and page 5 was your daily hour schedule.

“So…where did they place you?” Ellie inquired, tilting her head to try to get a glimpse of your board.

“I’m at vocal lessons, with Jesse…” you mumbled eyes furrowing at what you were being expected to teach “Who were you so lucky to get?”

“More like unlucky… guitar lessons with your little weird friend, Elora” Ellie snickered bitterly, you almost choked on the air at her words. It seemed like a never-ending slope of bad luck – now would have been a good time to tape a clover to your chest. When things were doing just fine they would eventually reach the lowest of lows that you have seen them. Perhaps it was your karma for your negligent and careless way of thinking. Perhaps this was being done to punish you.

“She’s not my friend”

“I know, just teasin’” Ellie shrugged, as she grabbed the sunscreen off the table to quickly reapply the aerosol. You watched as her body started to glisten, almost twinkling under the dim overhead light in the cabin. The thoughts of Ellie and Elora possibly working together escaping your thoughts. “Want some?”

Ellie shook the bottle of sunscreen in front of your face. You nodded faintly reaching for the bottle and making Ellie slap your hands away. Ellie took the initiative to spray the sunscreen for you, hitting your arms legs, and your exposed neck. Settling down the can with a faint smile. Ellie was sweet to you – from helping you avoid creeping Elora, unpacking, and now she was applying your sunscreen. You tried to keep your head screwed on tight. She was just being nice. You were convincing yourself that every little inkling or intuitive tingle you had about her liking you was untrue. You couldn't believe it. You didn’t want to. The bet also reappears within your head in flashes.

What Abby doesn’t know – won’t hurt her right?

That was your best friend, why did you suddenly care what Abby thought, what she felt?

You couldn’t grasp why that had such meaning for you.

So what if you got close with Ellie…fucked around – kissed and maybe even profess your liking. Wasn’t this all you wanted? Your happily ever after?

Ellie was making her way out of the door, while you were preparing to follow suit. Looking around swiftly for your pink pen – noticing its absence on your body. Right…it was probably with Elora after Ellie chucked it at her head.

“Wait…Ellie!” you called out, rushing out the door with the clipboard tucked under your arm like a blanket. “Can you get my pen back?”

Ellie smirked, casually rolling her eyes at your request. Of course, she’ll do it, she’ll do anything for you.

“What– you’re gonna die without it?” Ellie teased abruptly turning around to face where you stood on the porch of the cabin, “Of course I’ll get it, back in blood” Ellie sent you a wink.

By the tone of her voice, you couldn’t tell if she was joking or if it was just her dark-humored nature. Nodding your head to yourself, trailing behind her to get back to the main campsite.

☆*•.

Taking care of children was free parenting to you. The runny noses, spontaneous injuries; “he said” – “she said”. It was enough to make you never want to have children. Today went rather peacefully than you expected. Naturally, the campers were settling in, making best friends with their bunk buddies, provided with a tour from Adalaide, meeting with the counselors briefly for an introduction and schedule update, and now they were briefly in the lunch rooms for a quick lunch break.

The dining hall was well cleaned and put together, wood against wood with fairy lights hanging through the ceiling. It was a cute attraction – something that the youth definitely would enjoy. On the wall there were plaques with BEST CAMP and CHEF OF THE WEEK engraved in the metal. Paddles hanging from the wooden banisters made years prior at the camp.

With a sharp inhale, you dove head first for the table that sat all the counselors. Parking yourself next to the empty seat that Abby had left open for you. You felt like you haven’t seen your best friend in hours – so caught up in the camping activities it was like you didn’t exist to each other. Abby gave a comforting smile as she patted the wood next to her. You of course sitting at the table. The rotation was rather odd, Jesse, Dina, Abby, and Nora sat at this table but two familiar faces were missing. The absence of the cocky redheaded airhead was gone.

Ellie and…Elora.

“Where’s Ellie?” you question, looking at the empty spot next to Jesse. The mood of the table shifted at your words. Everything suddenly became awkward, Abby letting out a small unprovoked cough – Dina taking an awfully large sip of water and Jesse suddenly finding interest in the ice pop that was melting in between his lips. You quirked an eyebrow, lips apart as you analyzed the faces at the table everyone was silent – avoiding eye contact. “Uhm..hello?”

Jesse coughed, “Infirmary [seriously Jesse!]”

As soon as the words left his mouth everyone at the table tried to hush him up, Abby muttering under breath, Nora had her head in her hands, and Dina was jabbing at him in his hip. Scolding him. Something was up. “So…why is Ellie in the infirmary?” you pushed fiddling your thumbs against the wood of the table.

“Elora stabbed her hand with a pen” Dina finished, making everyone at the table groan. Ellie’s familiar words of Back in Blood ringing your head.

“Now that the cat is out of the bag” Abby shot a glare at Jesse and Dina “Special delivery for you” Abby lifted the pen, your pink pen from her back pocket handing it to you gently. Taking it within your hands you felt almost guilty – like a criminal holding a murder weapon, your once cute and pink pen was now splattered in a crimson gooey mess – blood cleaned but spots noticeably there. Ellie’s dry blood was on your pen, staining the plastic. If you knew that Elora would have spontaneously jabbed a pen at her you would have never asked Ellie to fetch it for you.

Elora had her own intentions with Ellie – their beef running deeper than Ellie and Abby’s ever could.

“Great…” you dragged, grimacing and almost gagging at the blood on the pen – carefully rotating it so your fingers wouldn’t touch the pen.

“This is a fucking biohazard”

Taking a napkin from the napkin holder you gently wrapped the pen with the cotton - briefly walking it to the trash and sitting down again.

“So why did this happen?”

“Payback from getting hit with it earlier, according to Ellie it was unprovoked”

Ellie was pacing in the room, walking around the group of kids doing a headcount – having them stand around in the circle. Ellie just had gotten finished reading the rules and expectations and playing a gentle round of icebreakers for the day. Everything was going fine – apart from Elora staring down Ellie like she wanted to kill her, everything was presumably fine.

“Okay, looks like everyone is here you are all free to go to the dining hall – no running right! We don’t want an injury” The students nodded pushing and shoving their way out of the cabin as Ellie let out a breath of air at the slam of the door. The students were gone. Ellie’s mouth was dry from all of the talking she had been doing.

Sliding her guitar off from around her neck, she launched it into the stands – backing away to where her water stood on the floor. Picking up the bottle as the lukewarm liquid traveled down her throat, making Ellie groan in satisfaction.

Elora was hunched over in a chair. Watching Ellie as if she had been plotting something rather devious.

“Is there something on my face or…” Ellie spoke up. Tightening the rest of her water bottle, before tossing it to the floor with a loud BANG!

“Nah, I’m not even looking at you” Elora spoke up bluntly, her eyes still focused on Ellie. Are you fucking kidding me? Ellie thought. With the absence of people around leaving the two of them alone, she wouldn’t hesitate to send a fast blow to Elora’s rather punchable face.

“Yeah, the fuck you are– you got a real staring problem…do we have a problem?” Ellie was raising her voice, clearly irritated at Elora fucking around with her. Ellie’s hands crossed her chest as she looked at Elora up in down in disgust.

“You know Cat warned me about you”

Ellie froze at the mention of her ex's name. Cat, who was vastly swept off of her feet by Elora and whatever bullshit lies Elora was feeding her. Ellie felt that her love for Cat was real – rather raw, one of the happiest points in her life. Then Joel died and every strip of happiness faded away into black and grey. She didn’t wanna see Cat anymore – enraged by anything and everything, she didn’t like how open Cat was about their relationship – now everything she did was catching up to her at full speed. Cat confided in Elora who whispered sweet nothings and “Ellie doesn’t know how to treat you right” in her ears.

Elora was a demon sent straight from hell.

“Warned you about what?” Ellie laughed, bitterly, walking closer to Elora who had stood up from her seat.

“About how reckless you are…how you hit and quit…serial heartbreaker…a cheater, a player” Elora spat making Ellie roll her eyes at her statement.

“Notice how she only said that after you stole her from me – you stole my girlfriend”

“Ex-girlfriend”

“Same fuckin’ shit!” Ellie fussed, throwing her hands up.

“She said since the death of your father you got reckless… that you get possessive to bitches n’ groupies you taped once…that you’re a freak who can’t control her anger” It was all true. Ellie feeling betrayed by the exposure. But for Ellie’s sake, she would deny it. For your sake…she would deny it too.

Deny Deny Deny.

“Tis’ not true” Ellie then thought about the situation again. “That would be the pot calling the kettle black don’t you think?”

“Sure about that? Wonder what Y/N would think when she finds out her little crush is no better than her last” Elora shot back, with a shit-eating grin on her face. Ellie was rather startled. 1. By the sudden mention of your name and 2. That Elora was so far up her ass to bring you into this mess and 3. The fact that you liked her. It seemed wrong to come from Elora – your personal feelings had nothing to do with her. Ellie felt herself heating up.

“Our issues got nothing to do with her” Ellie confessed “She doesn’t want anything to do with you either!”

“They will now…the way I see you looking at her like you want to eat her.. I dunno fuck her – let her see how much of a crazy bitch you are…bring the lion out rockstar”

Ellie snapped, “Well she’ll be screaming my name over…and over…and over again – and not yours if that's what your insecure ass is worried about”

“Oh, not for me…I think you should be worried about Abby” Elora warned, making Ellie furrow her eyebrows. Abby? What the fuck did any of this have to do with Abby either? That was your best friend like hell she had to worry about Abby. But Abby did sit a little too close, grab at your waist, call you names, kiss your forehead– do friends do that?

Elora smirked watching as Ellie began to rethink every interaction she saw between you and Abby. Like the day she returned your pen and Abby just had to drag you away. Her arm around your shoulder rubbing circles into your skin. No No No, Elora was just trying to get in her head, Abby wasn’t a threat to her and she knew that.

“And what about her?” Ellie squinted

“Anderson’s got a wandering eye…y/n might be screaming her name before yours – she’s been 2 steps ahead of you this whole time,”

Ellie poked her tongue in her cheek about Elora’s warning, choosing to ignore it and change the subject. She couldn’t think about that right now she didn’t want to. Fuckfuckfuck! Elora was already enough. Ellie looked down to the clipboard on the chair remembering what you said about the pen. Perfect time to change the subject during this brief period of silence.

Ellie swiftly pointed at your pink pen in the clipboard “Oh and I need that back”

Elora turned around to look at your pen, darting her eyes back and forth between Ellie and the pen. The mood shifted again it was hostile, like the moment of peace and tranquility before everything goes terribly wrong. Ellie felt her intuition bubbling, sharp pains jabbing in her stomach – Elora was up to no good.

Before Ellie could say anything else Elora bolted for the pen jabbing it into the flesh of Ellie’s left hand making Ellie let out a blood-curdling scream. Blood pooled out of her gash as Elora twisted the pen-point side allowing the tip to dig into her bloodstream. Ellie shook off the pain bringing up her free hand to right-hook Elora in her face.

“Fuckin’ bitch – and you’re calling me crazy?” Ellie shouted, reaching for the pen in her hand and taking it out with an animalistic growl. While Elora was still trying to recuperate from the sudden smack, Ellie took this as an opportunity to tackle Elora to the floor, straddling the brunette as Elora’s hands grabbed at Ellie’s face. Ellie bit her finger in a rush, sending another punch to Elora’s face with a loud THUD as Elora’s skull bounced against the wood floor.

The thud almost matched Ellie’s heartbeat - the adrenaline pumping through her veins as she felt herself reaching euphoria at Elora’s displeasure. Ellie always wanted to punch Elora, get the deed out of the way and she didn’t particularly care if she looked like a bad person now. Ellie wasn’t pulling her punches.

With each punch Elora’s words kept on playing in limbo at the back of her head ‘what would y/n think”

What would you think if you walked in at this very moment seeing Ellie on top of Elora hitting her repeatedly? That would make anyone pray it wasn’t a dent. Blood on her rings dripping down her hands both from the stab wound and Elora’s now bloody nose, Elora sent a hand up to Ellie slapping her across making Ellie fall back. It was Elora’s turn this time – getting on top of Ellie and sending two punches to her face. Ellie groaned out with each tension-filled punch, watching as Elora’s hand drew back one more time before a big- muscular hand dragged Elora off of Ellie. It was Abby, almost crushing Elora’s hand

“Get the fuck up…and get this fucking shit off your face you look ridiculous” Abby spat at Elora, Elora scrambling out of the cabin holding her face.

Ellie was beat…on the floor letting out heavy breaths as she tried to recollect her thoughts. A wave of relief cast over her body at the sight of Abby. Ellie wasn’t sure why she felt relieved or why Abby’s presence wasn’t bothering her anymore. Perhaps Ellie was tolerating Abby, just for you…But Ellie didn’t want to make Ellie an enemy, not anymore.

“Well don’t you look like shit” Abby sneered bringing an arm down to Ellie. A helping hand. Ellie grasped on with ease as Abby pulled her up from the floor. “What happened here?”

“I was just asking for y/n’s pen and she stabbed me unprovoked – a crazy shit talker too” Ellie spat, wiping her bloody nose at the back of her hand. Ellie recalled your pen, bending down to lift up the pink pen that was tinted red, coated in her blood.

“Here”

“I’m not giving her this…” Abby pinched her fingers together to hold the pen trying to avoid touching any blood. “Clean it and don’t tell her…just give it back”

Abby ignored her statement, “What’s your deal with Elora?” Ellie let out a sarcastic laugh at Abby’s question.

“Try having a girl steal your ex-girlfriend and then try to plot on a girl you’ve been eyeing…I’m sure you’d react the same” Ellie breathed out, reaching for her water to take a sip.

“Touché”

“What are you gonna tell y/n?” Abby spoke up again.

“You ask a lot of questions…j- just that I fell” Ellie shrugged skewing a ridiculous lie. She didn’t spend years of heartbreaking to be a shit liar.

“She’s not gonna buy it fuck-face…what about Elora, I mean come sunrise her face is pretty fucked up too” Abby confessed. Ellie cursed under her breath. She didn’t care anymore. Elora could tell you whatever she wanted – that’s if she could even catch you

“She can tell her whatever the fuck she wants “ Ellie’s voice was monotone. The freckled-face girl dug in her pockets pulling out the flavored stick to her lips realizing she didn’t have a lighter. Sitting on the chorus bleachers that were set up in the cabin for the students. “Got a light?”

Abby dug into her pocket flicking out a black BIC lighter, a replacement for the one from the school fire. Safety broken off, Abby lit Ellie’s cigarette for her – the fresh smell of tobacco filling the room.

Ellie’s bloody hand was the one to bring the cigarette too in from her lips.

“She brought up my dad…what kind of fucker does that?” Ellie mumbled as Abby took a seat next to her, “I want to–no I need to get rid of her, she is plotting something against y/n and I can feel it”

Abby hummed looking at the small smudge of blood against the floor, “I could help you”

“What?”

Ellie was confused. Why would Abby want to help her? Why would the blonde go out of her way to give Ellie a hand? Clearly, it was not for her but rather for you. Ellie knew that Abby cared about you more than you can imagine or even muster up in words. Abby was your safety blanket, the bell ringer to call you home.

“It’s not for you…” Abby whispered, looking up at the ceiling briefly before finishing her statement “We both don’t like Elora, and we both want to protect Y/n…I say we team up”

“You wouldn’t…”

“You don’t know how far I’ll go…”

“Jeez, I don’t wanna kill her Abby, just fuck around with her a little – make her kiss my boot you know…She has this isolation technique I know how she moves – only a matter of time before she makes Y/n hate you too” Ellie assured, tapping the ash building up at the edge of the bleachers, Ellie spoke like a pro. Abruptly remembering the words that left Elora’s mouth that tormented her.

“You like her or something”

Abby was silent, it was evident she was hesitating and thinking before she gave her answer. It wouldn’t be an honest answer of course not.

“Actually scratch that…how long?”

Abby’s eyes went wide at the question. Ellie wasn’t even giving her any room to answer.

Abby scratched at her neck, reaching into her back pocket and cursing when she realized her drumsticks were missing. Clearing her throat, she instead played with the bracelets on her wrist, “Uhm…3- no, 5 months”

Ellie cursed under her breath. Ellie only liked you for 3 ½ Abby led the majority and she was a strong believer of first come first serve. Ellie quite frankly didn’t know how she felt about sharing – Elora wasn’t exactly wrong about her possessiveness. Ellie reached into her pockets of Marlboro’s offering Abby a stick – it was her offering solidarity. Abby obliged sticking the slender tobacco in between her lips and bringing a light up to get herself started.

“She knows?” Ellie questioned watching as her cigarette got shorter and shorter.

“Hell no, I’m not telling her either – she thinks I like Nora I wanna keep it that way”

“No, you don’t” Ellie read right through her like a book. Abby ‘nepo-baby’ Anderson certainly didn’t wanna hide it from you it was painfully obvious, no mind reader needed to see!

“I don’t do the sharing shit” Ellie confessed blowing out the smoke, “But I can accommodate”

“Let her choose it isn’t our decision…” Abby elaborated, making Ellie nod at the response. She was right. Who were they to choose who gets to have her? Ellie knew deep down you would trade her for Abby any day – she’s been with you through it all.

“And if she wants both of us?”

“We let her have it” Abby shrugged.

Abby could care less nor give a flying fuck if she had to share you…She rather it is with Ellie than some dick-wad like Elora. Ellie was a pure reflection of herself – perhaps that's why they clashed so much. Maybe that’s why she hated her. It was like arguing with a broken mirror.

She was arguing with herself.

Ellie nodded at Abby’s response, putting out the butt of her cigarette.

Ellie took her bleeding hand out preparing to shake Abby’s with a mischievous grin, Abby’s lips slowly curled into one as well, taking Ellie’s bloodied hand in her own. A tight firm handshake. Business is business.

“But seriously… go to the infirmary, it looks is gross”

☆*•.

After the lunch break, the campers were settling around the burning wood for a quick bonfire and s'mores night. Fire sparks filled the air as the radio blared a mix of recent pop hits while other mini activities and s'more building stations were happening. The sun was down, stars twinkling in the sky like a scene right out of a movie.

You had enough of the fire. Flashbacks to how you ended up at this camp in the first place peaking through.

When the music room advises no outside equipment, like liquids – don’t bring them. Save yourself the trouble, the fines, and the embarrassment.

Making a plate of s’mores, you looked around realizing the absence of Abby and Ellie. Other counselors dancing or talking to the kids but you were alone. Your best friend wasn’t around and the familiar faces started blending in with each other. It seemed like since you arrived at the camp this disappearing act had started. If it wasn’t disappearing then it sure was secrecy. Your white pullover sweater rested on your body, while your lower half was still covered in shorts, picking up your flashlight from the picnic table. Now that it was nightfall Adalaide was responsible for the children. She was the one to do bunk checks making the counselors free for the rest of the night.

You walked down the gravel trail from the main campsite, the flames getting smaller and smaller behind you. Reaching up to your cabin the shiny number 3 flashing under the moonlight brought you comfort, flashing your flashlight around the open air to make sure there was no one else behind you. You haven’t seen Elora all afternoon. Not that you wanted to, nor did you care but it was as if she became a ghost. There one minute and gone the next.

Approaching the steps, as the wood creaked underneath you, your nose tilted up at the sudden smell of freshly lit tobacco almost lethargic to the nose. The air was potent and spicy which lead you to believe that the people you were looking for were nearby. Deciding to reverse your feet at the steps, pausing to listen if you heard any voices. Hearing Abby’s subtle raspy voice against the wind you fully reversed your steps, turning away from the cabin to follow the voices. This leads you down a mini trail in the gaps between each of the Cabin, finding Abby and Ellie leaning up against the cabin walls, on opposite sides of each other blowing out smoke in conversation.

This was weird – strange almost.

It didn’t make sense to you – last time you checked they didn’t get along. You held up your flashlight at the two flashing it which caused their conversation to stop.

Abby smirked seeing your figure approach the two, admiring your relaxed state. Her eyes eventually trailed down to the plate of s’mores that you had in her hand, three perfectly placed and put together on the plate. Abby thought to herself about the common phrase, “The best things come in 3’s"

“What are you guys doing here?” you whispered, voice soft as always – angelic and pure. Ellie looked up at you blowing smoke away from your face. This was the first time you got to see her all day, her hand wrapped in white gauze almost like a cast and the plump flesh around her eye was swollen. Hues of purple, yellow, and green blended around her eye, her skin clearly sore from all of the hits she had taken. A frozen ice bag was placed near her temples just above her eye. It was worse than you expected.

“Well hello to you too…” Ellie spoke up, bringing the cigarette up to her lips for another hit. Abby pulled you into the two of them, her hands reaching down to the plate to take one of your s’mores off of the plate.

“Thanks for the treat [It wasn’t for you?]” Abby whispered, sending you a quick wink as she took a bite of the rich and sticky dessert. Abby let out low moans in satisfaction at the gooey substance. Ellie looked down at the plate seeing that you had two more smores left. Mocking Abby’s actions and taking one for herself. You weren’t sad about it hell you weren’t gonna finish the dessert anyways. Queasy knots turning in your stomach.

“Why aren’t you hanging out at the bonfire?” Ellie pondered. It’s not like you would enjoy it anyways, ever since the fire incident in May that was enough to have you never want to see a fire again. The burning of the wood was enough to make your chest burn – having flashbacks of your feet feeling cemented into the practice room floor as the instruments melted and melted. Ellie’s tone was kind of cold almost as if you had been interjecting something you shouldn’t have.

“Sorry…am I interrupting something” Your question was enough to shut up the both of them. Between Abby’s aggressive chewing, she abruptly stopped — eyeing down Ellie, very slowly shaking her head.

“No, why would you be?” Ellie was reclining from her original tone, giving Abby the quickest glance before focusing on you with a killer smile. The way the light from the moon gently cast onto your face was enough for you to fully see how her eye looked.

“Holy shit…your eye” Your voice was full of concern, pushing the plate with s’mores into Abby’s hands as you walked towards Ellie running your fingers gently along the side of her face, Ellie fluttering her eyes closed briefly as her free hand dusted yours to bring it down, squeezing softly in appreciation.

“You should see the other guy” Ellie joked, putting the cigarette back up to her lips. The joke brought a slight frown to your face, you vastly looking at her hand that was bandaged up to the best security. “How’d you get the..uhm, bruise?”

Ellie cleared her throat, spitting out the build-up of phlegm onto the rocky road to her right, taking a breather – she wanted to stay true to her lie. “I fell, bumped into a table as I was crashing down – I’ll be fine though just have to keep icing until the bruising goes down”

Ellie’s voice was convincing – not a single hint of a lie being there. She was telling you the same story she told the nurse.

Abby cleared her throat making you redirect your attention towards her who was leaning against the wall with your plate of smores, She looked up at you through her lashes, a rather serious tone in her voice “You see Elora?”

“Mhm no not really…She was at the bonfire for a quick second…seemed like her face was bruised too” You recalled, voice trailing off as you glanced at Ellie briefly squinting your eyes at the girl. Something was up, and you knew it…the two just weren’t telling you. You weren’t to be fooled and you were gonna find out what the issue was – but you instead played it off while the deep intuitive knowing itched at the back of your brain.

“Well if she tries to talk to you, avoid her – come find me or…Ellie for that matter” Abby’s tone was rather serious. You knew she wasn’t the biggest fan of Elora but this time it seemed more advanced than the time that she had comforted you the night Elora broke things off. She was angered.

Your head jolted back in confusion at Abby’s mention of Ellie’s name. Reminding you of all the times she would be throwing insults – jabbing negatively at the girl, what was with the sudden switch up?

“Wait since when were the two of you, friends?”

Abby and Ellie looked at each other briefly – Ellie putting the cigarette back up in silence meanwhile Abby looked back at you, “Not important…– but I’m serious don’t talk to her”

“Not like I planned on it” you shot back, Abby nodded her head – Ellie repeating the nod as well.

“Good [yeah, good]” The both of them talked over each other.

“You guys are being weird…very weird” you blurted out, finally stating what was on your mind. They weren’t doing the best job at hiding it – it was painfully obvious. A thick awkward tension was in the air as well.

“If the Elora issue was about me you’d let me know right?” you inquired. Testing the waters to see what they would tell you, “Right?” you repeated yourself.

“Yeah…yeah – of course, but it isn’t about you so don’t worry your pretty little head about it” Abby smiled at you reaching to grab at your head, shaking it gently like she had done in May after your meeting in the Dean’s office. Abby didn’t exactly deny that there was a problem though, her poor word choice digging – almost scratching at your beliefs. Abby reached a hand down grabbing you at your waist with one hand before bunching up the fabric of your sweater in the ball of a fist at your back.

“You look sleepy – think you should call it a night?” Abby analyzed your face, pushing the plate with a singular s’more in your hands. You weren’t tired – well at least you thought you weren’t, you couldn’t focus with Ellie’s gaze on you and Abby touching you. As if on instinct you let out a yawn bringing the back of your hand to your lips to block your mouth that was agape. At this moment Ellie knew that Elora’s words were correct. Ellie’s eyes were zapped on Abby’s hand, clenching her jaw seeing that Abby had gentle control over you. Dear ol’ Abby knew what was best.

and Abby was 2 steps ahead of her.

But she didn’t wanna cave in now, or turn it into some fucking competition when she was already trying to handle Elora – but if she could just sway you to want her and her only, she would do it in a heartbeat.

This might have been the rocky first day of counseling. From losing your pink pen, Elora’s unwanted appearance, Ellie getting into a fight, and Abby and Ellie’s consequential team-up, this only seemed to be the beginning of a dark, wild, treacherous ride. Every action from this night forward would have consequences. Back in blood, definitely meant deeper now.

Eye for an eye…tooth for a tooth.

taglist

@ellsss @rarestdoll @luvrgalore @starologist @destielcore @beforeimdeceased @kissesskittens @emluvselandabs @abbyily @sawaagyapong @zahraaziza

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poguestarkey · 1 year ago

Text

not in the same way- t.n.

back after a quick 8 month hiatus my b

decided to write a little blurb about reader not being in love with theo since i feel like it's always the other way around.

yes i am eating up the tiktok ideas of him being italian don't start w me

warnings: just angst on angst, destruction of a friendship, theo being sad (that's a trigger in and of itself tbh), sickly sweet adorable girlhood moment btwn the GryffGirlies, like one potty word, i plucked that one scene right out of TSITP don't come for me, horrifyingly unedited cuz i just dont care

theo nott x gryffindor!reader

-----

Dread.

That's all that washes over you when you finally meet his eyes. It runs ice-cold through your veins and you can practically hear what he's going to say before it even leaves his mouth. You're sure he can see the way your head shakes slowly as you realize because he reaches for your hand and holds it tightly between his. Not out of comfort, but as a plead.

Please, please don't do what I think you're going to.

Theo... oh, sweet Theo. Theo, with his huge blue eyes and endlessly large heart. Theo, always the first to celebrate the small wins with you. Theo, who in theory, should be the perfect man for you.

But Theo, who no matter how hard you tried, never made your heart sing the way your friends giggled about.

You never thought twice about the way his hands would linger over yours as he explained Arithmancy problems or how he always pulled you close in by the shoulder while chatting with his Slytherin friends, his fingers mindlessly tracing patterns into your sweater. His sweater. You've been friends since third-year, best friends. So many years of being close to him desensitized you to the constant comments of "That's Nott's girl," and "Would you look at the lovebirds!" They never hit home and you always scoffed them off with ease.

With ease, until last weekend in your dorm after an open-mic night at the Three Broomsticks. You and Theo had performed the most atrocious duet rendition of the new Weird Sisters song, "Why Can't You See."

"Y/N, do you even see the way he looks at you?" Parvati asked. Your head shoots up this.

"What?"

"C'mon, Y/N/N. The man is absolutely smitten with you. It's almost painful to watch, really," Lavender piped in, causing Hermione and Padma to sit up and join the conversation. Eyes widening, you realize who they're talking about.

"Theo? No... No, Theo and I are just-" You're cut off.

"Just friends. We've heard. A million times," Hermione sighs. "I mean Merlin's beard Y/N, you have to have noticed by now. Nott can't keep his hands off of you."

"'Mione, that's not- no, that's different. He just likes physical touch and that's fine-" You're cut off yet again by a slurry of teenage girls throwing evidence at you.

"-ever touch Malfoy-"

"-actually lights up when you enter a room, I've never-"

"-bigger heart eyes for you if they were cartooned on him in the Prophet-"

Your hands grow shaky and your breath becomes heavy in your lungs as the weight of what this means washes over you. Hot tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you fight the burn in the back of your sinuses with everything you have.

"Wait!" Hermione nearly shouts, and the cacophony of squeals and stories comes to a halt. "Y/N? Why are you crying? Are you alright?"

Her words make the first sob break out of your chest, and your hand shoots to your mouth to try and stifle the sound. Padma, ever the lover, is immediately at your side.

"I- I- I can't... I don't lo- if he really feels that way, it will destroy us," you cry, leaning further into her touch. Quickly, and with increasing amount of concern written on their features, the rest of the girls surround you.

"What do you mean, love?" you can't see her, but you know it's Lavender's breathy voice. "Isn't this a good thing?"

"No, no, no, no-" Your breath begins to hitch again, and 'Mione rubs gentle circles on your back. "Lav, him being in love with me is the worst thing that could happen."

"I don't mean to be insensitive, but the rest of us are quite out of the loop here and, er, well- why?" You let out a chuckle at Parvati's bluntness, but still felt the squeeze of the answer in your heart. You've known, deep down. You denied it as hard as you could manage but still, it creeped up on you, terrorizing your thoughts.

"He will never forgive me. I know he'll try so hard, but it'll never be the same, because he will never forgive me for not loving him the same way. Because he's done everything right. He is kind, and patient, and loving, and all of the wonderful things I've always said that I wanted but still, I just don't love him like that. And I want to- fuck, I want to so bad. It kills me that I can't. But he can never know that I know, because he will never, ever forgive me when I can't say it back." The last few words come out nearly inaudible as gasping sobs take over your body. "And I am so afraid to lose my best friend."

A squeeze from Hermione saves you from your thoughts. No one knows what to say, and Padma pulls your pillow and quilt from underneath you before grabbing her own, forming a pile on the floor. The corners of your lips perk up as you realize what she's doing, and soon the room is filled again with the sounds of girlish giggles and gossip and your four closest girlfriends do their best to keep your chin up for you.

The rest of the week, you can hardly look Theo in the eyes. You're not trying to avoid him, but every time you're in the same room you feel so overcome with guilt that it's hard to breathe.

On Sunday, you skip breakfast and hole away in the library under a stack of potions textbooks, shooing him away with a curt "Sorry, Teddy. Too busy."

Monday, you sit at Gryffindor's table for every meal and only speak in DADA to tell him it's his turn to practice defensive spells.

It's Tuesday night when you get the owl.

Y/N/N,

please talk to me. i need to see you, i'm worried. you're not alright.

i miss you.

-T

You write him back on the same piece of parchment, your shaking hands causing ink to splatter into tiny dots across his script.

I know. I'm sorry. Friday night.

Wednesday and Thursday are a blur of forced smiles to him and the burn of his stare from across the Charms classroom.

Friday comes, and you're damn near ready to pull Mrs. Norris' tail just to get a detention.

You know the exact bench in the courtyard he'll be sat at, and you count your paces as you walk. His eyes catch you and he swings his feet off the ledge, shutting his book.

"Y/N," He breathes, the sweetest smile on his face. "What's going on, cara mia?"

Every strategy you had for keeping him away from the elephant in the room goes flying out of your head faster than a Firebolt.

"It's nothing, really. Please don't worry. I know I've been distant but it's really nothing to be concerned about so-" your voice is getting louder and faster, a tell-tale sign that you're not telling the truth.

He cuts you off with your name.

"Y/N." You're eternally thankful that it's late enough that no one is outside with you. "Tell me what's happened. Please." His eyes grow even larger with pure concern and he moves his hand to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. You pull your lip between your teeth while thinking about how to respond.

"I just... Teddy, I can't tell you. I just can't. I promise it's alright, I just don't want to talk about it." You're lying through your teeth and you're sure he knows it too.

"Alright," he whispers, voice dropping. His hand hasn't moved from the side of your face since he fixed your hair, and his eyes move to scan the slope of your lips. You can feel the pit in your stomach start to form as you fear what's coming next. "You are the most beautiful thing on this planet, you know that?"

His thumb is tracing the plane of your cheek.

"Theodore..." He smiles at his full name, and his eyes start to close.

No.

This is what you feared so much.

That you would lose everything over one moment, just like this.

He can't be more than a breath from your mouth when both of your palms find his firm chest and push him away.

"Wait- wait, Theo. No. I don't- I'm sorry, but I-" His eyes snap open, that beautiful blue full of confusion. "I'm sorry, Theo." You can already feel hot tears threatening to spill over, and your stomach is churning.

"I.... What?" He says it so quietly you aren't even sure he meant to say it aloud. His hands move from your face, now salty and wet, to run through his hair, tugging on the strands.

"That's what I've been off about. I've been scared that you're gonna..." You gesture wildly between the two of you, not sure what to call it.

"Kiss you?"

"Yes."

"Why would you be scared of me kissing you, Y/N?" He looks genuinely, honestly puzzled.

"Because... because I don't... I didn't know, and then this weekend the girls were all on about it and I had no idea what they were talking about, and they told me, and I just panicked, Theo. I had no idea." He's stood up now, and you're seconds behind him, standing still in the chilly air as he paces and presses his hands into his eyes. "If I'd known sooner, Teddy... I would've- I could've done something, I don't know, could've tried-"

He stops, now just in front of you. "If you knew?"

"If I knew that you felt that way-"

"I thought you knew!" The crack of his voice splits your chest in two, unaided by the tears beading in his eyes. You've never seen him cry. "I thought you knew! From the moment I crashed your cabin on the train, I thought you knew."

The two of you just stand there, staring at each other, as cold, biting raindrops start to fall from the sky. You fight to form words but absolutely comes to your brain and you can't do anything but stare at him as he continues.

He hasn't even opened his mouth to start the next sentence when you realize what you're going to hear. You can't tell if it's the rain or the pure dread coursing through your veins that's turning your fingers ice-cold as you shake your head "no" to something he hasn't even said yet.

"I've been in love with you since I was 13, Y/N/N." He's holding onto your hand with both of his like it's his only lifeline while he desperately spills words. "I am so in love with you. You turn my world. You are my absolute everything. It consumes me. I can't hold it anymore, Y/N," He cries. Your eyes are squeezed shut and it's a wonder you haven't broken his hand with how tightly you're holding it between you. "Please, please, please say something."

"I love you," He sucks in a breath and you open your eyes to meet his. "I love you so much, Teddy. More than anything." His hands are now on either side of your face, and your fingers are laced around his wrists. "But I'm not in love with you," You choke out, grip relaxing.

His forehead presses against yours and he does nothing to quiet to sobs racking his body as you pull him against you, wrapping your arms around his warm frame.

You whisper dozens of apologies and "I wish I dids" into his ear before he releases you and sits back on the bench, moving the thoroughly soaked book to the side so you can join him. His head is in his hands and his elbows rest on his knees, and you think that you've never seen him look so defeated.

Finally, you tear your eyes away from him and stare straight ahead at the ivy covered walls, praying that the silence swallows you whole.

It's practically deafening, actually, because the sound of his heart breaking is echoing across the stone.

Eventually, you speak up.

"I think... I think I should probably go, right?"

He picks his head up but doesn't look at you as he replies:

"Yeah, I think that's for the best."

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