#trying to stop zetsu

[narutomaki]

thinking about orochimaru in a dress

I am unwell

[evilkitten3]

bonus: they get shizune and also a pig! two medics for the price of one (jk you have to pay them both. a lot. tsunade is in a fuckton of debt)

also while we’re on the subject of the akatsuki. I really wonder how long the internal debate was to hire tsunade.

Pros:

shes fucking tsunade

do the akatsuki have a medic: no

do they need a medic: it would be helpful. pein is basically constantly dying.

people she cares about keep dying horribly so there’s a connection there? maybe they could get her on their side??

the goal of the organization is to capture all of the jinchuuriki and tsunade is a woman who is capable of punching an actual bijuu in the face and making it hurt.

Cons:

technically not a missing-nin, she just. kinda went awol. How disillusioned is she with the system. Unknown.

not only is she from konoha, but she’s jiraiya’s teammate. this isn’t a dealbreaker because they did hire orochimaru at one point, but still. complicated feelings.

kind of notorious which is not helpful as a clandestine organization of missing-nin. even if she learned to be more subtle, that would just raise the question of “hey, where the fuck did tsunade go”

if kakuzu has already been hired, this is a shitshow waiting to happen. She’s hashirama’s granddaughter. She’s terrible with money. She cannot be killed. He is already 3 seconds away from an aneurism at all times, this might just make him flip out completely.

Tobi’s Pros and Cons List (secret):

Madara would think it was funny if the last Senju became a missing-nin

If she joins, this might cause jiraiya to come after her. If tobi kills jiraiya, no more icha-icha is published. suffer in your trash can, kakashi.

kakuzu keeps killing all his partners and he would have a lot of difficulty killing her. also he makes very funny faces when he’s angry?? Tobi must weigh his own personal amusement against his organization’s combat effectiveness. Highly difficult.

tobi has never been punched through a wall before!

[oh-no-its-bird]

Normal 'Izuna survives' au but he gets isekaid into canon founders era and doesn't notice for a week (everyone is convinced he's a ghost)

He literally lives in the same house as Madara but Madara acts like this is normal bc hes been hallucinating so this is clearly just another hallucination

He only realizes smthn is wrong with Tobirama sees him and immediatley goes "what the FUCK" and suddenly everyone is going "oh god you can see him too????"

Izuna is on a quest to convince people he's not a hallucination (it's a losing battle)

Realistically tho, in that era, wouldn't it be more believable that Izuna is a ghost / somehow came back to life than fucking dimension travel?

Cearly the ghost of Izuna just doesn't realize hes died (common enough in ghost lore)

Tobirama is the only one who believes Izuna bc he has the brain cells to think ab dimension travel / time and space jutsu

POV Madara starts to convince Izuna he's actually a ghost. Maybe... he did die? And he just doesn't remember?? Oh god is he a ghost??? Is he dead????

Tobirama is standing by watching this shit happen with a look of disgust on his face (I'm sorry Tobi the stupidity is genetic)

Madara really said gaslight gatekeep girlboss, starting with yourself first

@beatriceportinari :

hashirama is trying to be compassionate and get him to move on and izuna just. stays there (bc he's not a ghost)

hsrm so desolate abt it

tbrm he won't move on 😦 what if he's stuck forever 😦

SORRY IM JUST PICTURING LIKE HASHIRAMA AND MADARA DOING A FULL EXORCISM LIKE OUTFITS AND SAGE BURNING AND HITTING THE DRUMS AND ALL AS IZUNA STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEM LIKE 🧍‍♂️

Tobirama is standing nearby watching this shit happen fully aware Izuna isn't dead but no one will listen to him so !!! Might as well watch the show

@fashionredalert :

Izuna standing there like

Tweak it slightly to turn it into a happy ending where they get to keep him bc he eventually has to go back home: there was no dimension travel, for some reason he survived or was revived (zetsu interference gone wrong?? Or right ig, for Izuna)

IT LOOKS LIKE HES WAITING PATIENTLY FOR IT TO WORK PLS

@mengfm :

He fr came back to life/survived but everyone's convinced he's a ghost and are trying to lay him back to rest

The idea of people trying to re bury him is so funny. Left and right he’s trying to avoid having funeral rights just said to him

@beatriceportinari :

PLS YESS

montage where they make him lay down in a coffin and he's just laying there fidgeting like "this feels weird is it working yet"

noooo asdfghjh he's letting them do it'

maybe i should be dead yeah' izuna!!!

@mengfm :

"No I saw you die"

"Ok convincing argument I guess" -Izuna, apparently

@fashionredalert :

I know there’s that trope about the Uchiha burning the bodies with funeral rites could you image…Bro having to run away from Madara trying to burn him alive to lay him to rest again

@mengfm :

IZUNA GET ON THE FUNERAL PYRE

ITS TIME TO BURN!!!

@fashionredalert :

Izuna running through the village with rope ties around his hands as he runs

ZUNA STOP SCREAMING AND LET THE FIRE DO ITS JOB

"IZUNA COME BACK!!"

THEY TRY TO DO IT BUT IZUNA GETS TWITCHY AS THE FLAMES DRAW CLOSER THEN JUMPS OFF THE PIRE

"NO I CHANGED MY MIND"

"THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD"

Madara is chasing Izuna through the streets with a lit torch as Izuna screams about wanting to try a different way and Madara screams about how it'll work if he just STAYS STILL

@instant-bull :

(Hashirama looks out his window and asks Tobirama if he just saw Izuna running through the streets and Tobirama tells him to stop making shit up to get out of work)

@mengfm :

JSDNJNFSDJNSDFKSNDJF HASHIRAMA THIS WON'T SAVE YOU FROM THE PAPERWORK

That’s just a lack of sleep hallucination back to work!!!

@instant-bull :

Madara trying to burn his brother alive isn’t real!

"You'll get used to them" Tobirama waved his hand, the years of insomnia experience making him sound particularly knowledgable

@mengfm

Hashirama’s already moukoton scrambled brain is going to feel even more insane. This is not helping his sanity

@instant-bull

Hashirama starts to believe he sees into some alternate timeline or the past or whatever that shit was

HASHIRAMA ON HIS OWN INSANITY KICK BELIEVING HE CAN SEE INTO ALTERNATE TIMELINES

The ending is literally just Tobirama hitting everyone over the head with a rolled up newspaper and yelling that they're all stupid, going "HES alive. YOURE not hallucinating. and YOU can not see into other dimensions!"

Only sane person in Konoha

(Then in the epilogue he goes home and has his own regular hallucinations of his dead brothers)

Parts of todays AU are brought to u with the help of @instant-bull @mengfm @fashionredalert and @beatriceportinari, everyone say thank you to them

[ladykissingfish]

Very Random Akatsuki Headcanons

Sasori would 100% have a garden, and most of the stuff he grows would be illegal or highly toxic. He would ask Zetsu for tips a lot and force Deidara to help him weed it even though Deidara will LOUDLY complain about it the whole time. Sasori will gently sing to/ talk to his plants when he thinks no one is looking.

Kisame the type to nag others about how important it is to drink water and stay hydrated but. He has never fully finished one single bottle of water. Any place they are, you can immediately tell that Kisame’s been there because every surface area will have plastic water bottles sitting on it with various levels of water in them.

Hidan has many, many bad teeth, mostly in the back of his mouth. Missing, chipped, cavities or straight rotting. Always in some level of pain but never seeks out help because you know, Lord Jashin encourages personal suffering. Was finally tentacle-held to a chair by Kakuzu and forced to let Sasori do what repair work he could after the others got tired of hearing him curse and grumble all night over his mouth pain. Absolutely loves his new smile afterwards but never admits it.

Every single member of the Akatsuki has at some point had a crush on Konan. Including Zetsu. But it went away once each member started seeing her as a sister or mother figure. The only one it didn’t go away for is Nagato, but he’d never admit his true feelings because he values their friendship and working relationship too much.

Itachi likes to collect rocks. He’s an amateur geologist and enjoys finding different types of stones when he’s out on missions. The others learn this about him and will sometimes take the time after missions or when traveling to pick up “pretty” rocks to bring back to him.

Deidara has a lot of anxiety and restlessness, and keeping himself busy alleviates that. He prefers doing things with his hands which is why he’s always making little sculptures with his clay. If no clay is available he’ll tap or drum his fingers on things or fiddle with his hair. The faster his fingers move it means the more anxious he feels. Sasori would get annoyed by this behavior so he created for Dei what would essentially be a ninja world version of a fidget-spinner. Deidara loved it and he makes sure to pack it with him whenever he leaves on missions.

Nagato’s fingers are often bloody because he’s a nail-biter to the extreme. He’ll chomp those things down right to the quick of the finger. The others will “gift” him gloves to try and prevent this from happening, and it’ll work for while, but sooner or later he’s right back at it again.

Deidara once gained ten pounds in two months because Tobi kept convincing him to stop at sweets cafes while they were out traveling, and then to have seconds and thirds of whatever they were eating.

Kakuzu figured out that Hidan didn’t know how to read when Hidan would avoid looking at the map on missions and kept giving Kakuzu wrong information about sign posts along roads. After a lot of convincing that he wasn’t “making fun of him”, Kakuzu finally got Hidan to let him teach him basic reading and math skills over the course of a year.

When Orochimaru was a part of the Akatsuki, one day he managed to get Konan alone and was hitting on her in a very creepy Jiraiya-esque way. Turns out that he was merely trying to get her to trust him so that, when he ultimately left the Akatsuki, he would be able to convince her to follow so he could study her body and paper-jutsu. Having had no close experiences with women other than Tsunade, who always responded favorably to flirtatious behavior, he’d assumed that this was how ALL women would react. If Itachi hadn’t driven Oro away, Konan would have blindsided and killed him first.

Nagato (in a Pein body) gave the sex talk to Deidara, Hidan and Itachi. All three of them hadn’t the slightest clue about how anything worked in that regard. Sasori gave him diagrams out of his medical books to aid in his talk. Nagato kept having to add on to his talk because of the questions. “What if you’re a guy who likes guys? How does that work?” “What if you don’t like anyone like that, or you don’t want to ever do those kind of things; is that okay?”

In strong sunlight:

Konan burns bright red.

Itachi and Hidan brown.

Zetsu withers.

Nagato dehydrates within two minutes. As does Kisame.

Deidara sprouts freckles.

Sasori smells like a fire.

Obito and his Hashirama cell DNA photosynthesize like a damn tree.

Kakuzu also turns into a freckle-factory but because his skin is already so dark, it’s unnoticeable.

Sasori has fairly moderate misophonia and especially can’t stand the sound of people chewing. It was one of his primary reasons for turning his body into a puppet; so he no longer had to endure the sound of himself eating. He thought he’d died and gone to hell when he found out that Deidara chews food with all three mouths.

Deidara likes Tobi to read to him at night. It gives him a very comfortable sleepy feeling. The more Deidara nods off the more Tobi lets his voice become more natural/Obito. This is pleasant to Obito because doing the “Tobi voice” all day puts a huge strain on his throat, so it’s nice to be able to break character once in a while and speak normally.

Hidan is extremely sensitive to the cold and will do anything to avoid having to travel or do missions in the winter.

Konan has kept a diary of her life ever since she was a child. She picked up the habit of writing during the period when Jiraiya was staying with/watching over her, Nagato and Yahiko.

Deidara developed a hell of a crush on Kakashi after “meeting” and getting his arms blown off by him and the Konoha nin. He’d gush about Kakashi for days afterward … to Tobi. Tobi who had to grit his teeth and not start screaming over how Kakashi unintentionally attracted everyone that Obito was ever interested in.

Best Smelling to Worst Smelling:

Konan

Tobi/Obito

Deidara

Kakuzu

Kisame

Zetsu

Itachi (would be higher but often smells like strong, bitter medicine and night-sweats)

Nagato (his actual body, not a Pein body)

Hidan and Sasori tie for worst because both smell like blood and corpses

Obito never killed his grandmother during the Uchiha massacre. He used a very powerful jutsu to erase her memory and then relocate her to a place in a village far away that took care of the elderly. He pays the facility with the money he earns/steals during missions, and every so often he’ll go and visit her at night, when she’s alone in her room. She doesn’t know who he is and just thinks that he’s a nice young man that’s there because he’s visiting somebody else.

Kisame loves to bake. It started because he was worried over Itachi being so thin and never seeming to want to eat anything other than desserts. So Kisame taught himself how to make cakes and pies and cookies, etc. Over time it became a zen-like activity to him that helps him relax and clear his head when he’s stressed out.

Kakuzu is as vain over his hair as Deidara is over his own. At least once a week they’ll get together and give each other trims and deep conditioning treatments. Sometimes Itachi will join if he feels up to it. Hidan mocks them for this but is secretly trying to grow his hair longer so that he can join them.

[tossawary]

Sasuke not wanting to be a warrior and giving up on his revenge against Itachi is wildly OOC without some really strong push for this change, which is why I lean towards an SI-OC for a House Husband Sasuke AU, because the amount of trauma and pressure that canon Sasuke is suffering from all angles is intense. But the way that I could MAYBE see canon Sasuke giving up on recklessly focusing on revenge against Itachi is if there had been other survivors of the Uchiha massacre.

Like, okay, I understand that the Uchiha massacre was the plan of a couple different puppet masters, so it's not going to make sense. (Massacres do not, as a rule, ever "make sense". They are bad full-stop.) Part of the goal here is obviously to just get rid of the Uchiha clan and the potential threat that they pose to future plans.

But Sasuke could have just died on some random mission as a genin and then what? What if Madara and Obito lose? This is an incredibly violent world filled with incredibly clever ninja, it's unreasonable not to be concerned about any of them being offed randomly by accident. People like Danzo and Zetsu then have no more new Uchiha children to use and to harvest if anything goes to shit. And their stupid plans are often so overcomplicated that there should be a high chance of things going to shit!

They have cloning, of course, but secret cloning operations are probably expensive and presumably have a relatively high failure rate, and require the cooperation of people like Orochimaru and Kabuto. What if you just don't have the material left for a good cloning process?

Itachi is in a really weird position here and I do not well remember all of the different puppet strings that are being pulled here. I assume that Madara and Obito wanted all Uchiha dead for some reason? But I would have assumed that people like Danzo and the Third Hokage would have preferred to leave most of the children alive to mold into a new generation of Uchiha soldiers. I vaguely remember something about Danzo maybe being prejudiced against the Uchiha? (EDIT: Yeah, Danzo probably doesn't want any kind of law enforcement looking into his shit and the Uchiha are the cops, but that doesn't fully explain why he would want to get rid of all of the Uchiha children too.) So maybe Danzo wants them all gone too, and everyone is just forced to leave Sasuke alive because they know Itachi WILL go more insane than he already is if Sasuke bites it in an "accident".

"The Uchiha were planning a coup" is such an unsatisfactory explanation for the actions of a lot of these characters. It is IMPOSSIBLE for every Uchiha to have been 1) an adult, 2) a ninja, and 3) someone who voted for a coup and participated in it. We know ninja like Itachi and Shisui felt more loyal to the village itself and they couldn't have been the only ones. Uchiha have been defecting from their clan in order to join the village instead since Uchiha Hikaku abandoning Madara for Senju Hashirama after Izuna's death and before the creation of the village.

And we know that this is a sexist, patriarchal world! There would have been some men who would have decided the course of action FOR their spouses and their children, if the spouses and children were aware of this ninja operation at all. EVERY single disabled and elderly person in the clan was in on it too? EVERY civilian? Since Hashirama, NO Uchiha has ever married outside of their clan? Okay, I can buy that the Uchiha clan would be incredibly controlling regarding their bloodlines, yes, and I know that they were being isolated and that the more "progressive" Uchiha with outside lovers were probably being killed off by their enemies. Fine. Maybe all of the other adult Uchiha were cooperating and had impossibly good information security, let's pretend that's true.

But that still leaves the issue of the children! Would an isolated Uchiha clan trying to orchestrate a coup not be super controlling about encouraging their members to get into "good, traditional families" and make more "loyal Uchiha soldiers"? Fascist states often get really weird about that kind of thing. Sasuke cannot have been the only young Uchiha child at this point in time! It would be... REALLY weird if he was.

(Itachi is not heroic for this. It is a TRAGEDY. It is horrifying. There are no heroes in this part of the story and the best that I can say for Itachi is that he was another victim of really weird and twisted circumstances.)

Anyway, I think it would be fun to have an AU where Sasuke is left as the clan head of a bunch of children, at least 10 of them or so. He's the oldest among them at 8-9 years old. (I'm pretty sure that other fanfictions have done this before. Someone must have done this concept before.) Everyone expects Sasuke to just dump the children on some village caretakers so he can pursue his ninja career, in order to become the new powerful protector of his clan and murder his brother, but MAYBE this situation is something that would make canon Sasuke decide against all manipulation that he can't actually afford to chase Itachi.

He still wants to be super powerful, of course, so that he can murder Itachi if his brother ever comes back, but otherwise? Rebuilding the clan is more important. He's staying at home for his training and accepting parentification with wide open arms and a deep scowl.

(There is the danger of ROOT making off with Uchiha children, which is also unpleasant to think about.)

I think it would be funny for Naruto to deal with the fact that his rival has been a dad since the age of 8-9 years old. (Sakura: "IDIOT. How did you not KNOW that??? EVERYONE knows that!")

I also think it would be funny if Sasuke, when he was annoyed with Kakashi's bullshit, unconsciously pulled out a squeaky tweenage Disappointed Dad Voice to express his frustration with his teacher. (Sasuke: "Do you think that it helps anyone for you to behave this way???" Kakashi: "Hm, there are many things that I don't like about this.")

[rainybyday]

Second part of the first time travel team 7 idea

So next on the list are Uchiha’s

So the Senju patrol found out about Sasuke and Tenzo

The Uchiha?

They find Sakura and Kakashi

(Yes Sai and Obito are out for now)

So I think the beginning problem is how Team Seven are all separated and are all trying to find each other

Tenzo actually found Obito first but they split up for Obito to grab Sai and Tenzo got Sasuke once they felt both got their location from Tenzo’s ability to be a tree whisperer

Sakura found Kakashi and they both were going to find the rest of the pack but they met a returning Uchiha party from a job well done

The party has Izuna 

This will happen for two reason

One is so that they understand at least roughly at what time they appeared in

And Two is that they have an important figure of the Uchiha clan to see Kakashi. No, he doesn’t have Obito’s eye anymore but the prospect of seeing a Hatake so close to their clan compound is what I’m after here

Unlike the Senju patrol who immediately went after Sasuke, the Uchiha’s just stop

Cus like, that’s a HATAKE

SHIT

Like on one hand there is another clan claimed name on their land without their permission 

But on the other, its a Hatake, one of the few clans you want to be wary of and think carefully about when you interact with them

Even with the mask on Kakashi, they still don’t want to test their limits on getting fucken mutilated by Hatake teeth

Feral or not, a calm Hatake is still a Hatake

So Izuna, politely mediates and tries to understand why Kakashi and his cub? Packmember? Are on their land

Especially when said cub/pack member looks like they went through hell and back

Who is the stupid person whom attacked a Hatake pack/cub member???

I have no clue what this conversation will entitled but Sakura and Kakashi are allowed to leave relatively safe by all means

Even though they are freaking the fuck out of what they are just witnessing because was that Sasuke? No? You're not Sasuke??? Then who the fuck-?

Meanwhile, Izuna and his party are booking it back to their compound to tell Madara about the wild Hatake in their lands and to make sure to warn the rest of the clan because if they make a mistake like, oh i don't know, FIGHTING THE HATAKE, then there will be problems

On their end not the Hatake’s 

The Hatakes, while not animals are very protective of their own, a slight against one is a slight against all Hatakes. 

These issues must be mediated carefully. 

So Team Seven!

Kakashi does not have Obito’s eye and Obito has both eyes and has the classic white hair and half white/half tan body. 

Tenzo and Sai aren’t as worse looking as the rest of the team but that doesn’t mean Tenzo lost a vest somewhere in his dimension or how sai doesn’t have any scrolls or that his ink supplies is all over him

Sakura and Obito look the worse off, no questions asked

Sasuke literally looks all bloody from overuse of his Sharingan and he still has the Rinnegan so thats going to go over so will with everyone else

Ah zetsu will find out about that huh….

Naruto looks… okay

The boys going through it

They are all almost chakura depleted but not empty, still have the little bit to survive you know

Ok so back to story

ON the team 7 side I know they will probably find each other and probably make a makeshift base of operation in the location where Konoha will be

Its temporary for them since its the close place they know of in their time and they need to rest

So they rest for a prompt of a few days without any issues

Why is that?

Well on the senju side they just got reports that a uchiha was seen on their land so they of course are angered that their enemy was so close on their land and will have Madara’s head

But at the same time that very same Uchiha was saved by a Senju with the mokuton of all things

So its a whole political shit show with Hashirama trying to understand that not only are an Uchiha and senju in kahoots with each other but that this implies a missing senju member was left unaccounted for by the clan, Tobirama is more uneasy by the multiple chakra signatures that in the forest and the Senju elders are convinced that the Uchiha’s found and used a senju as a tool for war

Meanwhile, the Uchihas are sweating bullets trying to warn the rest of their members about a Hatake pack most likely near or on their grounds and Madara is going through a mountain full of paper trying to write the best most polite but not-directing-blame-nor-accusing letter to the Hatake clan to ask if they had 1) a that a Hatake pack was seen in their lands and 2) that someone may or may not have attacked said pack (but it wasn’t them they swear on Amaterasu’s sake)

Yeah so Team 7 has a lot of time to rest before everything gets set to motion

Mostly it is Tenzo and Sai getting caught up in what happened in the battle of Kaguya, the realization that everyone they ever known are now gone, and trying to survive in this new environment 

Of course there is a lot of self blame and guilt in this

Obito and Kakashi definitely have guilt with each other and their actions that got reflected in their battle

Everyone but the Uchiha’s are realizing who they left behind in their old world and its just… crashing on them

Sasuke is still on the Itachi thing but he is not as emotionally invested like the rest of this team, probably thinking about the battle and the information that he was told of being Indara’s incarnation or somth

Sai has left the people he wanted to be friends with and his chance of being happy with them, yes he still has team 7 but his dream was to befriend everyone and now that's just…. Gone

Tenzo is not stable either ngl

Yeah so first few days are basically the calm before the storm

Then the Uchiha’s get a letter, a letter they expected but not by who sent said letter

They were expecting the Hatake’s to contact them first, not the Senju’s

Then the Madara is reading a letter from Hashirama about the incident the portal had a few days ago and lost it

Part 1 | Part Three

[lecliss]

Hey guess what else I just found out. Guruguru is only voiced by Yurchak in Storm 4 but is voiced by Travis Willingham (who voices all the other Zetsus) in the anime proper. The two Tobis do not sound the same in EN or JP. So nevermind on Obito and Guruguru canonically sounding alike 🙃

Hey what do you mean Todd Haberkorn ONLY voices Obito in Revolution???? What do you mean Todd isn't his permanent VA???? WHO THE FUCK IS MICHAEL YURCHAK???? WAIT THATS TOBI'S VA???? THE FUCKING RANGE!!!!! ITS STILL THE SAME GUY!?!?!? I wish it was Todd but I'm so conflicted now cuz Todd is SO good but the Tobi VA stayed!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[kyojurismo]

Could I request smut with a f!reader with Urogi and Aizetsu? 👉👈

characters : aizetsu, urogi

tags : nsfw, fem!reader, oral sex ( r receiving ), penetrative sex, overstimulation, aizetsu whimpers ( of course he does. ), EVERYTHING IS CONSENSUAL I PROMISE !!! lemme know if i forgot something bc i wrote this late at night so my brain doesn’t function properly ( spoiler. it never does ), not proofread.

notes : well, sorry it took me a couple of days but i didn’t know what to write for urogi ): i hope it is alright & i’m sorry if it’s short ldmdnd. thank you for sending a req by the way !! <3

AIZETSU

he gets off by the sound of your moans. i’m not kidding, he loves hearing how much he’s pleasuring you, he always feel like he’s never doing enough for some reason… how sad.

“please! ngh– i-i’m ready, please,” you beg him as you tug at his hair, his skilled tongue keeps lapping on your wet cunt making him seem a starved man. “i need more, ‘zetsu…”

he can’t deny you for longer as he finally pulls away, his lips and chin completely soaked with your sweet nectar. the sight makes you clench around nothing as you whimper softly. when aizetsu finally penetrates you, you hear him moan against the skin of your neck. “so warm,” he whimpers.

he’s quick to start thrusting into your welcoming hole, the squelching sounds coming from where you two are connected are accompanied by your moans and groans. his cock is rubbing against all your sweet spots and you arch your back off the futon as you roll your eyes in pure ecstasy. aizetsu cries as he feels your cunt clench around his lenght, his release approaching even faster.

who will come first this time?

UROGI

“ahh! n-no… stop!” you try to push urogi figure away, even though you feel your legs close tightly around his head on their own accord. “then lemme go,” he chuckles deeply before resuming fucking your clenching and warm hole with his tongue. his fingers draw circles on your puffy clit, causing your lower body to tremble uncontrollably.

“pleasepleaseplease,” you arch your back, gripping the sheets so hard your knuckles turn white. urogi doesn’t stop of course.

he promised he would make you cum until you pass out, and in fact it didn’t take long for him to strip you of your clothes and dive into your pretty cunt.

“aw, is it too much for my baby?” he mocks you as his fingers move to push into you, quickly to rub at your g-spot, making you cry for the pleasuring feeling growing in your lower belly for the fifth time.

you start babbling nonsense as you try to make him stop but a deep part of you is craving even more, that’s why you find yourself grabbing his horns and pull him towards your needy center once more.

[vangails]

Times when Naruto tried/wanted to impress Hinata:

So remember when Hinata offered Naruto her answers bc she doesn't want him to fail or as she worded it “she doesn't want him to disappear”:

...and Naruto refused bc he's honorable like that and bc he cares about Hinata and his teammates he doesn't want to drag them if ever he got caught :

...BUT ALSO because he’s trying to be HONORABLE AND A BIG SHOT towards HINATA :

Also that time when he does blood oath using Hinata’s blood and vowed to defeat Neji :

…and when Naruto was down and depressed about his upcoming fight with Neji, like Naruto walking towards the sun, Hinata appeared and made the remarkable Proud Failure Speech (not to mention it was also Naruto’s cheering that boosted Hinata during her fight with Neji ; talk about a great support system) that completely lifts Naruto’s spirit like magic :

And for me Naruto definitely gives off the “Babe, go watch my game” vibe here lol :

…and when Naruto & Neji’s fight was over when for the first time Naruto was acknowledged and praised by the Village NARUTO SPECIFICALLY LOOKS FOR HINATA THE GIRL WHO ALWAYS BELIEVES IN HIM. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT NARUTO WAS LOOKING FOR THAT PERSON HE WANTED TO SHOW HIS VICTORY WITH. I thank Kishi for small but deep details like these. Hinata was so deserving to see this moment but too bad Hinata was out cold, would love to see how proud Hinata would look for Naruto and preferably happy and thankful bc Naruto managed to knock some sense into her cousin Neji :

When Naruto saves Hinata from white Zetsu with his new KCM form. He’s such a show-off in this scene but ofc in a good and fitting way! I also love the fact that he humbles himself and took a moment and acknowledged the times Hina saves him :

Kiba 🤝 Kishimoto 🤝 NH FANS :

ON THIS OMAKE BY KISHIMOTO HE LITERALLY MADE NARUTO UZUMAKI YES YOU HEAR ME RIGHHT NARUTO UZUMAKI READ A FREAKING BOOK AND STUDY A ROMANTIC ONE AT THAT TO GIVE HIS GIRLFRIEND A PROPER DATE NOT TO MENTION THE LOOK OF DREAD ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REALIZED HE CAN’T AFFORD THE FANCY RESTAURANT TO EMPRESS HIS GIRL BUT LUCKY HIM HINATA WAS SO PURE AND KIND SHE DOESN’T CARE WHERE THEY EAT AS LONG AS IT’S WITH HIM :

The most beautiful part is Naruto didn't really need to go overboard and empress Hinata with superficial things because she already acknowledge and admire him for who he is, for his determination, kindness, and will to never give up long ago but that doesn't stop Naruto from still doing so because little did he know...

[tozettastone]

@waffliesinyoface okay, let's go! (I agree on Itachi's sweet tooth honestly.)

Itachi — He likes sweet food. He'll order something you didn't even know was real, like a lavender latte, or a smoked salted vanilla frappe. "Does your drink even have coffee in it?" you may ask, dubiously eyeing what appears to be cup of lightly flavoured simple syrup piled high with freshly whipped cream. Yes, yes it does. Itachi is the tiredest person on this team, and that's including the guy who is just 6 dead bodies in a trench coat. Do not order him decaf.

Kisame — He's pretty easygoing. He'll take whatever, and then while the barista is making it he'll tell them that sharks can have milk because some of them don't have umbilical cords. He consumed the milk shed from his mother's uterus lining, like a great white, after eating his siblings. How fun. Sir, here's your coffee.

Kakuzu — Kakuzu is a pile of stolen hearts and tentacles condensed into roughly human shape. He can't taste the coffee, but his hearts respond to the caffeine. He will have whatever option comes with unlimited refills.

Hidan — Orders something new every time and hates it every time. He doesn't like bitter flavours. He has not yet made the connection between "coffee" and "bitter notes" in the formal way that would permit him to stop trying it. He complains about the taste every time. Bonus: caffeine only affects him for about 2.5 minutes.

Konan — Konan never had coffee growing up (she didn't have a lot of things growing up!) so now it's kind of a novelty. She's mostly a tea drinker but when she has coffee she takes whatever variation of 1 part coffee and 2 parts milk is easiest. She's not a connoisseur of latte foam vs cappuccino froth, etc., etc. She likes to watch the rain fall, dry and cosy in her oversized coat, while her coffee steams gently into the humid air over the village.

Pein — Nagato doesn't like to put extra fluids into his bodies because they're dead and if you alter the water content on the inside it can be very hard to maintain them in the state of preservation he prefers. He watches Konan drink, though.

Sasori — Sasori is an arty bitch, but not a "with lavender smoked honey," kind of wanky art bitch. He's a traditionalist. Espresso. With sparkling water. The tinier the demitasse, the better.

Deidara — Deidara wants a fancy sweet little treat but he's still young enough to get mad that he doesn't drink serious grown up drinks. He'll order something black and bitter and then sulk about it. What he really wants is exactly the kind of fancy and ridiculous coffee drink Itachi orders, but he's already set himself against this and mocked Itachi about it. Watch him toss back his coffee and slam the empty cup onto the table like he's doing shots of bad tequila.

Zetsu — A cafe macchiato. This is a trap because a "spotted," coffee is either all milk spotted with a bit of coffee (which is what the writer understands to be common in America) or all coffee spotted with a dab of milk (common in other parts of the world). Either way, when you serve it to him, the order will be wrong according to at least one side of his body. ;—;

Tobi — Drinks his coffee mixed 1:1 with sweetened condensed milk. Is the sweet tooth genetic?

(Honorary) Orochimaru — Orochimaru is also a pretentious arty bitch, but in his case, his order isn't intended to communicate artsy-ness about himself to the outside observer. It's instead carefully calculated to communicate that he's a snob and to stress out the barista tasked with making it for him. He wants your single origin in a double ristretto with a 3/4 cup of silky milk. If you make a latte and just don't fill it up all the way, he will know. No, really. He'll know.

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

Is Madara weaker than Hashirama?

Call me a Madara apologist but the idea that Hashirama always beats Madara is wrong.

It is correct though to say that after Izuna's death, Madara was never able to catch up with his rival. All his will was about protecting his kin and specifically his last brother. When he lost all of that, yes he found an other goal corrupted by Black Zetsu, but because it was so different from his true nature, it wasn't able to push him enough to surpass Hashirama. The infinite Tsukuyomi is a way to cope with the loss of his hopes that died along his brother. You notice how it lacks creativity, all the plan was written down step by step by black Zetsu and it consisted for Madara to just froze the whole world into a dream and stop fighting anymore to make the world a better place. Also I won't be surprised if Madara developed this fangirling for Hashirama's power after his defeat at the Valley of the end. If we're honest, the gap between them isn't that big considering how both of them were exhausted in the Valley of the end 0.0. It was one wooden clone close, if I may say! But this small difference was lethal and changed the whole history of the shinobi world. And maybe Madara crystallised (or froze) that moment as a trauma he can't overcome. It's as if for instance Naruto gives up working harder after losing against Sasuke at the Valley of the End 1.0 and fantasizing how powerful was Sasuke's sharingan and that it is the ultimate dojutsu that he has to steal in order to become stronger. To put in a nutshell I believe that if Izuna was still alive and his clan still supporting him, maybe Madara wouldn't have been so impressed by Hashirama and would have found new way to counter his mokuton ( and there is a lot of way to counter it I should write a post about it🤔). It's always the same pattern with Madara, his actual weakest point is his sensitivity, not his physical abilities or his might. Losses and failures had a huge toll on him and brought him into despair rather than being a fuel to try harder and endure like Hashirama or Naruto.

There is this moment during the war when Madara stole Edo Hashirama's senjustu and he's shocked how easy it is for him to control it. All those years he was scared to master the Senjutsu because he put Hashirama's power on a pedestal only to realise he could have done it earlier if he had believed in himself. We don't know how fast the training was for Hashirama but we know that it took a long time for Naruto to master it at the mount Myoboku even Jiraya was never able to get the perfect form. Madara did it in 3 sec...

In other translation he precises he thought senjutsu was harder to master

"Madara's back touched the ground for the very first time"

Let's go back to the first illustration. between their first encounter by the river and Izuna's death. Hashirama admitted that it's the first time Madara was K-O.

What can we guess about that? From the moment they met when they were 12 years old by the river to approximately 25/26 years old (Izuna died at 24). They might have been moment when they finished ex aequo, or that one side strategically retreated or that Madara had a real advantage over Hashirama and vice versa Hashirama took the lead in a different battle. Why? Because we saw that dynamic played between Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke was first introduce as the genius while Naruto like the dunce. After Jiraya's training, Naruto lead. Then Sasuke took over after the valley of the end 1.0 and his three years training with Oroshimaru. During the 4th Shinobi war we can say that they were both equal with a small advantage to Naruto having a quick power up when he learnt to work with Kyubi. Then Hagoromo gave them the same power in order to beat Sage Madara and later Kaguya. After the Valley of the end 2.0, Sasuke conceded victory to Naruto's ideology but technically they both ended up equal, losing both an arm. And all of this is happening during a short period of 5 years from their 12 years old in team 7 to 17 years old at the conclusion of the Fourth Shinobi war.

What Naruto and Sasuke developed in 5 years during 700 chapters we have it resumed in this single panel above for Hashirama and Madara that spent about 15 YEARS fighting each other regularly in battlefields. That panel resumes perfectly all those years before Konoha was founded. All this period without seeing details about their personal lives, their clans or their training. ~by the way my fanfic ~Madara golden Age explores this period of Warring state era if you're interested here 👀~ Obviously they went through a lot of challenges and hardships, losses and victories from both side. If Uchiha were hired to fight Senju it's because their strength were heavenly equivalent. Madara had to win from time to time against Hashirama and the Senju clan in order to be credible, to be hired by warlords for years and to feed his clan. Life expectancy being 30 years and both becoming leader of their clan before reaching this age means they respectively lost clansmens, friends and their fathers during the warring state era. They are the powerhouse they are because it was a dire matter of life or death. Yet Naruto the manga is focused on the moment Madara lost everything that matters to him, so naturally he kept losing against Hashirama hence why he's seen as a perpetual loser. Being the main villain, it's normal that his fall into darkness is more interesting to the plot that his glorious days. In the end, the story is always written by the final winner.

[yowyowyaoi]

Itachi’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Konan

Nobody eats until you come out and eat with us 😤

Thank you! You’re the only one who even noticed 💙

You need to do a better job of hiding that kitten lol  it pushed open your door and walked down the hallway again

Of course! You know where I keep it you don’t even have to ask 😊

I know I’ve spoken to Nagato about them he’ll handle it

You have GOT to come try this new massage chair I got it’s heaven 😌

From Deidara

Come on I was just kidding!!

Please call him off if he bites off my hand again Sasori said he won’t replace it 😔

Sharingan is not art it’s dirty cheating 

The counter is covered with plates of eggs, did you do that weird sleepwalking thing again?!

Me and Hidan and maybe Tobi. Come on take the stick out of your ass and just come with us!

I’ll paint them if you braid my hair first.

Why do you always blame me?? Hidan probably took it!

Omfg I SWEAR I meant that for Sasori!! 😳 Please please don’t show Kisame he’ll kill me 😫

From Zetsu

He’s just so emotional is that an Uchiha trait?

I can literally smell your exhaustion you need to go and rest

Yeah very cute. Be a shame if someone ate it 👀

He was doing fine. Got a lot taller. Looks a lot like you in the face.

No I’m glad you made him leave that dude freaked even ME out 😵‍💫

From “Tobi” aka Obito

Can I borrow your face cream? This mask makes my skin itch like crazy!

God stop it man are you TRYING to speed up going blind?!

Would he take your last name or would you take his? 🤔

No. Never. They think I’m a dumbass, remember?

Little more time in the sun would probably help 🤷🏻‍♂️

“Crushes” are for little kids. And anyway he hates me 😔

I thought about that yeah. Reminded me of your mom’s. She always made the best ones.

I’m not sure of anything kid. But we’re in it too far to back out.

Idk you just looked super pale

Ask Sasori to make you more, they’re helping a little 

Idc what Zetsu says. I can do a lotta shit but cannibalism isn’t one of them 🤢

You think I didn’t see you sneak in that pie? Either share or I’m telling Kisame.

From Nagato

Come and join Konan and I for tea. We’ve got a new blend we think you’ll like.

Permission granted. Just be back within three days, I’ll be sending you two on a mission then.

Thank you for the tips. My eyes feel much better now.

Take your time reading it. When you finish I’d love to discuss some of the themes with you.

I know you dislike meat but perhaps a bit more protein might help improve your stamina.

I don’t mind but do not let Kakuzu see it.

From Hidan

Movies with me and blondie?

Yeah but he’s half-animal right? Still counts, pervert.

PLEASE make the splinters in the ass joke PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU😭😭😭

If I didn’t take a piece you would have ate the whole fucking thing yourself and your stomach would burst. You’re welcome 😊

No that was definitely Deidara’s gay ass

Mask boy’s looking for you

Oh right like Kisame wouldn’t beat my ass for that 🙄 Nice try asshole

God damn it’s 3am when the FUCK do you sleep?!

We’re not “plotting” anything just come with ffs 🤦‍♂️

It was an accident and I didn’t even look that long don’t tell her she’ll slice me up with that sharp-ass paper 😖

From Kakuzu

You always being on time with your rent is most appreciated.

To be honest I don’t really know. But at this point I’m too far into my feelings for him so this is my life now. 

Getting enough sleep is important. Nagato agrees that a new mattress would be in your best interests. No arguments.

I’ve ripped off his leg and made it clear it won’t be returned until he returns your property to you.

I’ll consult with Sasori and get back to you.

Konan is insisting everyone text you to come down to eat. It’s my turn. Be advised that continued delay will result in one or more of us coming and retrieving you by force.

From Sasori

Please inform me right away if you notice any adverse side effects. I may need to change the medication or adjust the dosage.

Oh, thank you for reminding me. I wouldn’t want a repeat of last year. What sort of gift do you think I should give him?

You’re more than welcome to anytime. You know I don’t sleep.

Finding the correct body is the most difficult part. All that follows is merely routine.

He can be very sensitive. I’m still learning to decipher and appropriately react to his emotions.

May I borrow that book when you’ve finished it?

Heh. That’s actually very funny.

Try not to overdo it. Your chakra levels still haven’t recovered from the last time.

You may want to hurry back. Zetsu has been circling outside your door like an animal and trying to sniff under it. That lock may not hold.

From Kisame

You remembered your meds today right?

Did you eat?

Yeah? I bet I could work out that tension 😏

Cake is not acceptable for every meal, Itachi.

I got a new blanket, very soft. Come test it out with me 💙

I’ll talk to him about it don’t worry.

For God’s sake just TAKE A NAP!

Have fun but watch your back, I don’t trust those two.

Pretty warm out tonight. Midnight swim later? 😏

You left your necklace on my dresser

Leave it there. You’ve already got one illicit pet you don’t need a second.

I’m cooking, you’re eating. No objections.

My hands are craving being in your hair 😔

I did not eat him. Zetsu is a liar.

You got any more pics like that? Please? 👀

I 💙 you too

[or0ch1maru]

headcanons for playing just dance with the akatsuki members? 💃

This is honestly fucking hilarious and I’m the perfect amount of buzzed for this

I can’t stop laughing at imagining how this would actually go

Also, I haven’t played just dance in years so if I make a mistake in anything, let me know and I’ll edit it🫶🏻

•

Hidan:

•would be the type to forget to tighten the strap around his wrist, the remote going soaring when he swings his arm too hard. Bonus points if it hits another member or breaks something

•doesn’t play fair. AT ALL. Will knock into his opponent or shit talk to the point it distracts them

•I can see him being the type to play this game drunk, not buzzed, but drunk. His movements over exaggerated and sloppy. He thinks he’s doing amazing but in reality he looks like a fish out of water, flapping & flailing around

Kakuzu:

•he would rather give up all his money before playing something so ‘stupid’ and ‘childish’ and that says a lot lol

•would sit off to the side, watching as his comrades play and enjoy themselves. Just because he’s a grouch and doesn’t let loose like they do, doesn’t mean he’ll ruin their fun

•I can see him disappearing and hiding in his room to avoid Hidan’s constant begging and whining. He knows deep down Kakuzu would eventually give into him, even if it’s only to shut him up and Kakuzu doesn’t want to ‘stoop to that level’

Konan:

•omg, she’d be so good at it. Her movements smooth and languid. She doesn’t look out of place at all like Hidan does, moving as if she was a natural dancer

•ends up racking up the most points by the end of the game, beating everybody she plays against. Her focus controlled, even when up against Hidan, who tries to knock her knee out

•isn’t ashamed one bit, not even if the dance moves displayed come off corny to others, ignoring the chuckles of her mates as she copies the choreography

Pain:

•at the very beginning, he’d be shy. His movements stiff. His hands barely leaving the sides of his body as he copies what’s displayed on the screen

•would totally be flustered, cheeks red and an awkward smile plastered on his face as he feels all the eyes of his teammates on him as he dances

•it’s not until he’s like 5 drinks in, feeling a decent buzz when he finally lets go and dances like no tomorrow. Not giving a shit if he messes up

Kisame:

•the team cheerleader. Claps, cheers, and shouts as he encourages his mates to keep going.

•even though he’s skilled on the battlefield doesn’t entirely mean he’s a good dancer. With how big he is, his movements are erratic, taking up most of the space in front of the tv, and ends up knocking into his opponent a few times

•doesn’t care about points or winning as he’s simply enjoying bonding as friends and family. Knowing he’d cherish this moment forever

Itachi:

•just like Konan, his movements would be smooth, but also sharp and precise

•I also believe he’d be a little apprehensive at first, not because he feels like he’d embarrass himself or anything, but because he hasn’t been able to relax and have fun in a long time, having to grow up so early in life

•ends up having the time of his life, coming in second to Konan, and having a celebratory drink to commemorate his small victory

Tobi:

•would be an absolute clown about everything but truthfully, making everyone’s night even better

•I think he’d be shy, just like pain, but once he gets over it, would have a lot of fun. Focusing on the dance moves as much as possible even though he ends up missing a step time to time

•would take FOREVER trying to pick a song, I feel like he’d chose something by lady Gaga or Rihanna. Something fun and upbeat

Zetsu:

•honestly, I think he wouldn’t participate. Would linger and watch the others as they play. Taking post in his favorite spot in the wall or on the arm of the couch

•black and white Zetsu would be going back and forth between the two of them as white Zetsu wants to play but black Zetsu doesn’t. Ends up giving in and sitting aside the whole night

•would sneak back later once everyone has gone to bed or passed out drunk to play by himself

Sasori:

•would also think the game is ‘stupid’ but after a drink or two would be the first one with a remote in his hand, ready to dance

•once he gets in the zone, his mates all agreed he had a natural ‘talent’, not better than Konan or Itachi, but close to it. What his mates don’t know is that he comes into the living room to play time to time when nobody’s home

•when he’s not playing, he makes sure his friends have what they want or need. Snack, another beer, etc

Deidara:

•nervous baby for sure. At the beginning that is.

•When he wins his first match, beating Kisame in a landslide, that win, gets to his head. Ends up cocky and taunting everybody, only to lose his next match to Hidan.

•definitely flamboyant and extravagant with his moves. Almost hit Hidan in the face before his loss. Curses when he drops the remote. Completely forgot to even slide the strap on his wrist, which gave Hidan the chance to succeed

Orochimaru:

•at first, they’d simply enjoy watching and observing their team as they play and have fun. For some reason I can see them writing things down for their research. Something about how bonding is essential for security and happiness in a friend group

•orochimaru would be enjoying the drinks more than the game, drink after drink to help unwind, realizing how much they truly enjoy being around others compared to being stuck in the lab all day

•would play a round or two towards the end of the night for the hell of it. Using the excuse of ‘it’s for my research’ instead of coming clean about their real reason. They wanted to experience the fun but they’d never admit that

I had lady Gaga’s, heavy metal lover on repeat while writing this. I love her and I feel like a handful of the akatsuki would too🫶🏻

[ladykissingfish]

*everyone sitting in the living room eating pie* Itachi: This is simply delicious. Hidan, with a mouth full: Yeah! My compliments to the chef. Fuckin' gorgeous and can cook ... oi, Konan, when I figure out how to off the old bastard, you're gonna marry me, right? Konan, blushing: Thank you for the compliment, but, I didn't make this pie. Deidara: Then who did, hm? Zetsu: It was us. *everyone stops eaing* Kakuzu: ... It was you? Zetsu: Yes. And it's heartening to hear how appreciative everyone is of our efforts. Nagato: Zetsu, as I'm sure you're well aware, I have several health issues. I have to be careful with what I eat. I AM eating apple pie right now, aren't I? Zetsu: If having apples in it makes it an apple pie, then yes. Tobi, in Obito voice: What in the hell does that even mean?! Kisame: Zetsu ...what else is in this? Zetsu, smiling: Ah, that's a secret, my friend. A good master chef never reveals his entire recipe. Lets just say my ingredients are all organic. Very organic. As fresh as possible. Deidara: To echo Tobi, what the hell does that mean?! I-- *Sasori enters the room* Sasori: Goodness, brat, you're being loud. I'd keep it down if I were you, I'm already quite angry with you. Deidara: Angry? I haven't even done anything! Sasori: Really? *holds up a human arm* So you DIDN'T damage those nin I just brought in last night? The ones I was going to make into new puppets? Really, I'm aware that you have no respect for my art, but that doesn't mean that you need try and sabotage me! And have some respect for the dead, for God's sake! There are bits of flesh torn out from all over them, and -- *the sound of everyone emptying their stomachs all at once* Sasori: W-wha the hell ... Zetsu, shrugging: I suppose some people just aren't appreciative of gourmet cuisine.

[phantomchick]

The themes of Naruto and how the fact he and Sasuke are reincarnations/part of a cycle expands on those themes

Some guy was going on about how the reincarnation thing in Naruto was an asspull and when people pulled receipts and showed him panels from part one that hinted at it he maintained that it was still terrible because the whole destiny thing ruined the themes of the manga and I'm here like somebody really read the whole manga yet missed out on the themes of peace through absolute power vs peace through understanding that were key to the whole thing.

The Akatsuki's dream of peace is enforced on the rest of the world through the absolute power of the 9 bijuu powered infinite tsukuyomi. Sasuke chases power in order to avenge his family so he can be at peace + not have the threat of Itachi killing any further family he makes all over again hanging over him. Naruto comes to peace with those around him by understanding them whether or not he considers their past actions forgiveable, he chases Sasuke because he understands that Sasuke's motivation of revenge isn't wrong but the way he's going about it is actively self-destructive and hurts both him and those who care about him.

The whole idea of the villages I think are to show that it's a cycle of hatred, between war and peace, between might making right and compassion being the key and Sasuke and Naruto are symbolically representative of it all!

The theme of generational trauma is also all over the world of Naruto! Whether it's the legacy of the Uzumaki sacrificed to become the jinchuriki of the nine tails, a burden his parents pass onto Naruto; Kakashi's trauma stemming from his father's, Hinata and Neji both innocent kids but who are divided by the toxic customs of their family when they should be like siblings to each other, Hashirama and Madara bearing the weight of the brother war the Senju-Uchiha conflict and how hard it is to achieve peace even in a world where neither side actually wants to fight because of all the history and distrust that's built up, the curse of hatred of the Uchiha stemming from Ootsutsuki Indra's madness and willingness to murder his closest friends for the sake of taking power by force, Obito being taken by his own clan patriarch, hurt when he tries to leave and brainwashed and traumatised into buying into the dream of a perfect world - he literally inherits his hatred for the existing one, Gaara and his siblings lives effected by their father's actions but also by the custom of jinchuriki being created in the first place, the children of Ame all orphaned by war, Kaguya the enslaver, Kaguya the dictator, leaving a fragment of her will called Zetsu aka 'tongue' that continues to spread hatred, fear and prejudice and divide the people hundreds of years on. Haku experiencing the results of both the ninja world 'shinobi are tools' belief system and the prejudice of Kirigakure towards those with bloodline limits when he's a child too young to fully understand either with Zabuza the demon of the bloody mist who killed all his classmates to end kiri's killer graduation exams once and for all who can't bring himself to express his genuine love for Haku until he's already dead. I mean I could go on but you get the point.

The reincarnation thing emphasises the themes of Naruto which are generational trauma, the power of brotherhood/friendship and peace through absolute power vs peace through understanding and last but not least endurance in the face of a hopelessly cynical world: aka The will of fire, the will/resolve to keep trying to improve things even a little for the sake of the next generation, to refuse to give up even when it appears hopeless. Like say when you've just gotten your ass kicked by an army of zombies, the remainder of Akatsuki, Obito, Zetsu and Uchiha fucking Madara, you've failed to stop the moon's eye plan and suddenly, things get worse and a literal all powerful Goddess descends on you when you're already exhausted and the rest of the army is comatose.

[immoralimmortals]

we hop-skip-jump back with more akatsuki questions! we hope your days have been grand and your songs sweet, tak(?)

if the akatsuki were exposed to the cuisines of our modern, international world, what would each of them gravitate to? would hidan be lured by the cooking of the southern american states, creole, the sausages and cuts and grinds of europe, the whole beasts of the pacific? would itachi look at italian cuisine and feel a deep pang of nostalgia of how sasuke would like this fare? what would these tongues make of our world's bounty?

Hello again! Yes, I'm Tak uvu Some more cusine headcanons for you, dear!:

Honestly I think you nailed Hidan right off the bat. I think he's a connoisseur of meat in specific, if given the time and lack of killing people (so only a world with no Jashin. Probably). I can imagine him, Deidara, and sometimes Kisame having a hot sauce drinking contest. Kakuzu would show up and blow them out of the water once and never participate again. I think Hidan would like beef jerky and pork rinds.

My dad is obsessed with the Red Lobster food chain and now I'm thinking about how Kisame would genuinely enjoy himself while everyone else is only there for cheddar bay biscuits.

My dad just bought at least 100$ worth of Red Lobster gift cards once finding out they're going out of business HE KEEPS ASKING ME OUT TO RED LOBSTER SOMEONE FUCKING HELP M

I've already said in a prior post that Deidara would be OBSESSED with pop rocks. Wouldn't be surprised if he seeks out other kinds of food that give specific sensations, hence the hot sauce bit just now. He'd love carbonated drinks, too. He can bullshit his way into convincing you that yes, Monster Energy Drink *does* require a sophisticated flavor palate! He'd try anything if it had a novelty factor, at least one he can take seriously.

Perhaps obviously I can see Itachi especially enjoying the vast variety of teas that one can acquire in the modern world. My personal favorites tend to be rooibos blends, so I'd like to give him a cup. God, he'd be a great cafe owner. Literal coffee shop AU type of man. I want him to tell me about the floral notes in this morning blend of green tea from the Himalayas. I wanna own a combination tea shop and bakery with him, that'd be the dream.

Kakuzu strikes me as a hardy, heavy food kind of guy. Stews and meats and breads. He'd probably like corned beef and cabbage and potatoes. ...Sorry my Irish in me is coming out. Gravitates to comfort food that keeps you full and warm.

Nagato and Konan are...interesting ones to consider, because whenever I think about them and food I just can't stop thinking about how formative starvation must have been for them. I think they can get overwhelmed by seasonings really fast, anything especially salty or sugary or what have you is in small portions. I don't think they'd deal well with the fact that the most available foods in some societies are saturated with flavor that's overcompensating for shitty processed food. I think if you gave Nagato a bottle of Sunny D it might actually kill him.

Sasori can't taste shit, I think, but if he did he's one of those assholes with PIN POINT PRECISION. Wine connoisseur. Chocolate connoisseur. Will intellectually wreck your shit if you tell him you're making spaghetti and serve him angel hair.

I think Obito would get really disappointed if you told him you were going to get mochi and you came back with the kind you get from the grocery store.

Zetsu still eats people, I can only presume. He might be interested in foods related to "stranger" body parts, brain cheese and haggis, that sort of thing.

Side note: several years ago when I first entered my never-ending Akatsuki phase, I read a really, really cute self insert or reader insert fic where the Akatsuki came to the "real world" and they watched Spongebob and Kisame made what the story described as an adorable face as he was shown how a soda can works. I've been looking for it and my heart yearns to reread. If you happen to find it, please let me know!