#truly a rejoiceful day for being autistic

[zippityzap]

I was in a game store earlier today and i heard a little girl infodumping about Sonic to the adult she was with. Very adorable, it was like witnessing myself as a kid

[sandpaperdaisy]

Autism Masking and (Unintended) Parasocial Relationships

CW: masking, tangential mention of adult themes (incest, drugs) without either being a topic of this essay

By “masking” I mean the ways in which an autistic person tries to navigate the neurotypical world, generally by putting on a persona or using a different social language in order to communicate with non-autistic folks more effectively.

By “parasocial” I mean a relationship that is real to the person who experiences it, but which does not exist outside their head and therefore is not an actual back-and-forth interaction between them and the other party with equal participation.

ONWARD TO THE BLATHERING:

So yesterday, I realized something. The way in which I mask causes me to experience parasocial relationships, or lend a parasocial aspect to real life relationships, even solid ones.

Keep in mind, everything I describe below may just be me. But if you recognize yourself anywhere in there, here's proof that you're not alone!

I mask by internally imagining every single interaction I am likely to experience with any person, ever. This allows me to test out several scenarios that may result from the various things I say and do, and select what I think will be the most successful one.

I do this because otherwise, I run the risk of seeming “cold” or inconsiderate to the other person, and I would much prefer to be a good friend or associate to them. So I try very much to do the prep-work of thinking about their needs and motives BEFORE the interaction, so I won’t freeze up and ignore the other person’s needs and feelings DURING the interaction.

Generally, this has worked out satisfactorily for me and my associates, but it has its problems.

Problem 1: Friends feel analyzed.

First off, while most of my close friends and family are cool with it, at least one of them spent years chafing under the feeling of being analyzed relentlessly by me. She expressed her frustration with me “thinking so much” and looking at her like “a bug under a glass.” She also felt very judged by me. It truly hurt her to be studied so much, and that is valid and unfortunate.

Problem 2: Strangers feel uncomfortable!

Secondly, all of this pre-gaming on my part results in me living hundreds of years’ worth of lives and interactions in my head before they even occur, and frequently these interactions never occur. So if I carefully considered what to say to an artist I admire on the internet, who is not my friend or personal acquaintance, in the course of practicing how best to potentially converse with them I may have a parasocial relationship with them of several years’ standing. This is definitely the case with a couple of talented artists I admire.

When I have spent that much time observing them and approving of them in my head, if I DO eventually meet them or speak with them online I already have an extremely familiar manner with them. I am much too informal and intimate for someone who hasn't done anything to earn their trust in the real world, and who incidentally has no reason to trust them either.

This results in very understandable annoyance or discomfort for the person! It is also worth noting, that I am somewhat fortunate to be a female with this trait. Generally speaking, the recipients of my esteem feel no MORE than annoyance, because they have the sense (justified in my case) that I cannot physically harm them. If I were male, strangers I am overly friendly with might perceive more danger from my attention and feel genuine fear.

Problem 3: Emotional impact of fast-tracked friendships

There have been many times when people rejoiced from my putting in all that mental "work" ahead of time and immediately met me where I was in our parasocial relationship, instantly becoming my close friends. When this stuck, it resulted in deeply enriching and lifelong friendships (and a marriage) that persist to this day.

But it does not always stick.

From my end, this is because I can't anticipate everything. Many years ago, I had one very close friendship that began in this instantaneous (for them) manner and lasted for many blissful months. Then, one day, I discovered they enjoyed writing fiction that dealt with incest and serious psychological conflicts and suffering resulting from incestuous desires. They had a very large body of work dedicated to these themes and the incest was frequently treated in an approving manner. I did my best to approach their interests with an open mind, but I ended up failing to get past it.

Back then, I didn't see a good path forward other than to end our friendship since it was causing me to have nightmares and experience significant emotional distress. But you can imagine the pain and shock felt by my friend, whose real world experience was that I had instantly loved and befriended them and become a confidante, and now I was instantly withdrawing all love. Terrible, right?

This is the kind of thing that presumably could have been avoided if I had taken as many weeks and months to get to know them *with their participation* as I had already spent with them in my head.

Problem 4: Boys

This problem will likely apply to whomever would consider you to be a possible romantic partner. For me, it's usually been males. And considering the rigid constraints frequently placed on male emotional intimacy, it might lend itself most heavily to relationships with men.

When I've made one of these instantly emotionally intimate close friendships with a MALE, he has very often then experienced significant confusion and distress because generally, in his life experiences that would indicate I'm romantically interested in him.

This can lead to some real disappointment, and in one case possibly contributed to a close male friend's depression. To him, my freely given emotional intimacy and friendship indicated romantic love, so when I began dating, he was extremely surprised, confused, and deeply disappointed. That is not a pain I ever wished on him and it remains one of the deepest regrets of my life.

With all these pitfalls, why would you ever keep masking???

I do it because I've been doing it for over 4 decades and it's simply a part of me. If I were born without hearing, sight, or another sense there are many techniques and skills I would develop in order to still experience the life I want. As a gal who was born without a social sense, I mask! It's kind of like learning a second language on steroids (and meth and perhaps adderall).

This doesn't mean I don't believe in patience and accommodation, though. The ideal circumstance is when you've developed healthy skills to navigate the wide world AND folks are patient and open-minded when you need more help. And then you turn around and show people patience too!

Some of my masking is maladaptive and causes problems, as I've said above. For me the way forward is to know myself and know what I'm facing, and then just to keep trying my best to be a considerate mom, partner, friend, employee, and associate.

But if I've ever done any of this stuff to you, or if I ever do...know I'm genuinely sorry if you were hurt, I'd prefer to find a way that works better for us both, and you can always talk to me about it.

~Heather

[saykouyakiimo]

Adam is related to the god of darkness, as much Ruby is related to the god of light.

Or at least, I found something interesting (parallels you know)

I warn you immediatly, don’t expect anything of me. This theory is absolutely garbage... And tbh i’m scared to post it, because I’m affraid about comment people comments... Yeah RWBY’s fandom is terrifying. Please be kind I’m autistic. Before to start you have to know that english isn’t my native language... Sorry for my mistakes... Oh I wanted to thanks my best friend who translate 50% of my theory in english.

AND ALSO. Don’t tell me that wanting Adam to come back is harmful for abused survivors. I’ve been victim of child abuse, and I kept suffuring until my 20 years, due to my past abusives bests friends. So please stay cool.

Why hope his return despite confirmation?

It may be a long time that Kerry confirmed the Adam’s death, it remains a lot of points to brought up. During the interview, it’s important to know that everything is subject to interpretation, and some details didn’t escape me to make me pick over factors that go in my direction. In the first place, before say that he were really die, he answers to that question : “Was there ever doubt that Adam was an unredeemable character or was there a chance that he could have been redeemed ?” It’s pretty funny that Kerry doesn't employing the past when he answers. He doesn't said “he WASN'T irredeemable” no It’s different. He litteraly said : (paraphase for the first one) “I think he's redeemable” and “I wouldn't say he's unredeemable”. Use time present for a dead person is strange. Then he adds everybody has the right to have a second chance but that the circonstances in which he ran into with Blake didn’t help him at all. At the moment where he had to reveal his potential death, Kerry forced a smile and took a big second to say « yes ». After being interrupted, because on of the animator rejoiced of the news, he right away resumed to output on the tone of joke : “yes he's dead, unless with do a Darth Maul. (character who survived to fatal injuries) Ah. Nah he's... We. [Interrupt]. He fall in water fall, there is no body, but like. He got stabbed twice, and hit his head on the way down, like... He's dead." (Paraphrase cuz I don't fully understand why he's saying) "Now the fanbase hate me, that's fine." The fact that the creator make a reference at the character of Darth Maul, it customs clearance of a thing : he’ll not lie. If our beloved faunus comes back, Kerry will already warned us. He wasn’t obligated to say this sentence, mostly that he introduced it after beint interrupted. Furthermore, he sorely insisted on the manner he was killed, to the extent that he looked hesitant in the choice of his words. Others will interpret it like « yes but for him it was so evident to think him dead, that he feels confuse to explain why ». The words of the co-writer are absolute, he wasn’t obligated to do that. I’m not saying is lying, on the contrary. Just because Adam is dead, doesn't mean he stays dead (it sounds stupid, but you'll understand). For the case of Roman and Pyrrha, it had a sens to exclude them psysically. It had repercussions on their entourage. For the case of Adam, it’s the same with Yang and Blake… But not totally. Fans say that by taking away his life, they finally got rid of their demon and that they don’t have to feel haunted anymore. However, even the song « Nevermore » confirmed this, it’s not a victory. They maybe have the feeling of being free of this monster, but something else going continue to curse them : the fact to take a life. As inhuman a person is, we can’t not be affected by this act. However, if they aren’t affected, it’s a huge idleness and a very bad writing lmao. These two girls maybe consider themselves happy to get rid of him for the present moment, but I expect that the karma come to hit them at Atlas. I can't blame them to have kill him, he was a threat, i'm aware of that (btw I've nothing against Bumbleby dw). Which gives hope a sequel  for this character, it’s one of « Nevermore »’s passage :

“Another soul consumed by hate and spite Another destroyed life There's no pleasure, there's no joy It's just a story of a boy who lost his way Into shadows strayed He'll see the light of day”

It isn't without know that the musics of Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams have a canonical aspect. The best exemple before anything else, it’s Divide and Sacrifice. The « He’ll see the light of a day » can’t be overlooked. I already see some purists come back for the reinterpretation of this passage, because the refrain start with « Nevermore ». This will implies « Nevermore he’ll see the light of day ». In the literal meaning it’s true, but as it happens, we speak about the fact that he lost his way, and that in this shady way he’ll see the light of day. « Lost his way » is related to the fact that he’s consumed by the revenge and the hate, but he never came out. The last sentence refers to the fact he’s going to come out of it. Add « Nevermore » is stupid, because he always lived in this state of mind. He can't nevermore see the light again, since he has never seen it. Second reason for which this interpretation is wrong, is that it breaks the structuring of the verses. For the first choir it works because it gives « That’s in the past and I won’t be controlled ー Nervermore ». But for the second… « Not dying now, we’re protecting our own ー Nevermore ». It lost its sens, and it implies that they will never protect each other. If a schema applies for one, it should be the same for the other. Another reason to doubt of his definitive departure of the series : the lack communication around the character and of the « final » episode which concerned him. I’m not saying that like « they don’t give enough attention to the character », no it’s really something. Why Adam doesn't appear on the promotional poster, when everyone knew he was coming back? Each episodes are review by guests like comedians, at the exception of one : the 12 one, where Adam die. Even for the season 4 they hadn’t done something like that. Strangely, for the occasion they could have invited the one who’s playing Adam, Garrett Hunter, considering that it will be the last episode where he’ll act. It’s the end of the character that he incarnates. Fans could learn more on the dubbing actor, or the antagonist himself, but there was nothing of that. Cause yes, it stays questions withouts answers. Why Adam can’t use his semblance without his weapon ? How his semblance can project such complex shapes ? Why showed the mark SDC to already expel it ? And as we know, CRWBY never confirmed the type of faunus he was… I’ll come back on this subject. In addition of that, Garrett Hunter didn’t address any thank you messages for those who followed him in the whole series, I want to say that it’s truly strange.

Udapte about Garrett Hunter (Adam’s VA)

Garrett Hunter doesn't confirm Adam's death, people think he probably doesn't know anything about it, but I doubt it. During a live of Mega64, somoene talk about performing as Voice Acting. And then, Garrett talks about his “death”. He uses words like “I was killed, I think”, “No body, no deads”, “I keep my fingers crossed”, but at no time does he says “Adam is dead, he will not come back”. On the contrary, he adds “never say never” and he pretends to pray for his return. VAs know things about their characters. Pyrrah's VA knew that her character was going to die from the beginning of the story, and Yang's VA knew she would lose her arm, and that as soon as she was used to her voice. And what's very encouraging is that the VA Pyrrha had confirmed in an interview and Twitter, the death of his character. And there, Garrett mentions word for word that Kerry released during the RWBY Rewind: Darth Maul (twice) But if there was no hopes, he would say he is dead. In this case, we have not learned more. And if he knows of his return, why tell us? And Kerry either did not confirm 100% his death, basically he declares “He died, unless maybe we decide to bring him back”. Another contradiction with the voice actor of Adam. The guy had the balls to says clearly, that the antagonist he embodied, was killed without them using his potential. But , when his buddy reply “everyone is it saying that your death was bullshit”, Garrett says he loved the scene about his confrontation between Yang and Blake, because it was a retaliation of the two characters on him. It's just a big mind fuck at this point. My guess is that he likes this scene because karmas are finally shared between Adam and Bumbleby, and he knows what will happen to his character. Why would he says that Adam's potential was not used, while he loves his death scene? Because he will be able to make a fresh start. That's my thoughts. I know that he must have trouble with his character, because this one receives ALL the salt of the fandom on the face, and there, they will offer him a way to make his character appreciable. And pretending not to know what will happen to the former White Fang leader is completely stupid. The VA know the fate of their character. Kerry and Miles must have planned his come back in advance, they can't hesitate when they’ll write it in the script, because the situation requires it. Why ? Because his branding S.D.C. directly link to the volume that is focused on Atlas, in the one that will arrive in a few months.

Confirmation of VA about Pyrrah's Fate Confirmation of the VA in about her death

and she declares this just after the first view of the last episode of volume 3.

Mega64 podcast with time code (17:52) : https://youtu.be/YKQ242Pd6Fg?list=WL&t=1072

Seriously, if it had been his final scene, they would have shown us one last time moonslice...

Update 05 july : Does Garrett confirmed something ?

No.

Why bring him back to life ?

Adam is THE faunus who stands out the most than the others, there isn’t two like him. In terms of discrimination, it’s the one who suffer the most. His hatred pushed him to ignore that humans had the same rights of him. He’s blind to the extent that he wants to submit them at his own race, the reverse the role of the one who is tyrannized. He has all the reasons of the world to hate this species, nobody could blame him (even if it doesn’t justify his actions of course). He maybe served his purpose with Blake and Yang, he can always serve others. I mean... He just serves to a plot device and that's it... and that's why I feel so frustrated, cuz there so many things to do with him...… First he could go to Mantle and settle squares up with his old executioners, facing directly the Schnee Dust Company (AND WEISS CAN SEE HIS MOTHER FUCKING BRAND). Secondly, we could send another message : « people can change ». The conclusion of Adam was sad because, finally, nobody really deter him to continue in his way, not directly at least. And when they tried to do it it was too late. Never they're told him « what you’re doing is bad, you should live for another thing than revenge ». Blake implied that she was against the murder, but it didn’t go further that. When he was scolded by Ghira, Sienna rather encouraged him after. As soon as we acclaim him, Adam had a click. Him who was treated like a property, an animal, a sub-category being, finally discovers the feeling to be « lionized ». For him, it was the climax of his existence. Also Goldi reminds me that “Adam hated huntsmen and was so set upon destroying their academies bc they're supposed to protect people but they didn't protect him from the scd and in the end he is killed by two (one human) huntresses”. And this end is so bad for his character... Logic would have wanted Blake and Yang to stop this cycle of violence. And there, the writers decided to repeat it by killing him. Bumbleby didn’t deserve to do that, as much as Adam didn’t deserve to die from their hands. This « death » can make him take a new start… Maybe that Blake and Yang didn’t kill him physically but they’ll kill him psychologically. At the moment when he was stabbed, we can see his face slowly decay. He realizes the fact that he just be stabbed and it hurts. He isn’t the one that he believed, this final point shows that he has nothing, and that the one who’s alone it’s him. And in my opinion, it's a trait that presents him as someone who can have a redemption, because he realizes how wrong he was. Yes he is redeemable and >THIS< show why, and why Adam wasn’t able to get one before. Returning after that, he’ll loose what made him a redoutable antagonist : his confidence. His power, he extracted it of control, but to have control being confident is necessary. Now that the one who he manipulated turned against him, and furthermore it’s one of his kind, he’ll gonna doubt of everything. Adam is weak, with this break, he risks to become a completely different character. The most important point is his similarities with Raven. Seriously I need to detail ? Imageries, fighting style and ideology, they share far too much in common. To the extent that it’s frustrating to see that Yang didn’t make a connection. If you want to spend time, I refer you to a thread which makes you a summary of all the parallels. With so much in common, it’s legitimate to ask if they’re not related. Not by blood because they don’t share any physical similarity, but to be honest, I can see Raven as a teacher.

> Parallels of Adam & Raven < + this one

Grimms masks, Asian style, chokuto x nodachi, same color scheme. It's a bit big anyway lol. AND THEIR FUCKING DARWINIAN SYSTEM

And your theory you piece of shit ?

I’M SO SORRY. I needed to expose thoses points before to can begging it. First, I would like to recall why people thought that Adam Tarus had Silver Eyes. (For this part, I’ll take what said >here< because it’s really borring). This faunus isn’t only assimilate to Raven but with Ruby too, and it’s perfectly justify. The similarity of their symbols, imagery of the rose and the moon. It seems weird says like that but there is another person with Silver Eyes who’s assimilated to the same scheme : Summer Rose. It’s the principal element which supports this theory, since she’s directly inspired of a fairy tale « The Dead Moon ». If you want more informations on this subject, consult this post. Basically, it demonstrates the fact that the personified moon’s light repulses the monsters, like the Silver Eyes, and she was « killed », like the moon in RWBY. This ability is destined to protect the life, cherish people we love. But in the case of Adam, it’s all the opposite. He’s only destruction, hate and rancor ; it’s the opposite reflection of Ruby. But with what we saw in the series, the faunus doesn’t have Silver Eyes but blue eyes. With this, all of this wonderful theory falls in the water.

in the opening 2 of RWBY, Ruby fall since the moon lol

However, with all that I resumed and what we learnt in the volume 6, I asked : is there something else ? We learnt that the eyes light came for the God of Light (GoL/Creation Dragon/…). In my opinion, Silver Eyes are a present of the God to defeat Salem, cause they affect the magic. A considerable help given to Ozma. But could it be possible that the younger siblings, the God of Darkness (GoD/Destruction Dragon/…), offered another thing to our professor, to help him in his quest ? It’s not impossible, since there must be a complementarity. If it’s the case, in what form doest it manifest and how ? I have my idea. First, you should know that RWBY never let something randomly, its foreshadowing is clearly what’s make the charm of the saga. The moon has been destroyed by GoD to restart a new era. Silver Eyes and faunus appeared after this period (HOW STRANGE), it’s a thing to know. Without transition, I’ll go to the point where I would like to reach. Actually i sought differents types of horns, just to try to identify those of Adam. Every faunus has animals characteristics. But in the heap, I didn’t see only one faunus have attribute which couldn’t be identify. Adam has the imagerie of a taurus, but at no fucking time his horns correspond to those of a taurus, not even to goat (even if I found this joke funny). And my issue, is that RWBY already shown a bull faunus.

I mean. No. This isn’t a bull. And there’s no point for him to be a goat (besides jokes)

His horns start in forehead, point back to go inside. And I have only seen one person share those similarities for this characteritic, it’s the God of Darkness/Destruction.

What I insinuate here ? That Adam has dragon’s horns. The theory is completely shitty lmao, I told you. 

:thonk:

But It would explain this. Oppositions between Adam and Ruby.

If we assume that Adam is the nemesis of Yang Xiao Long, which means Little Dragon Sunshine, Adam will be related to the one of darkness. And I tell myself that AS BY CHANCE, the dragon of light is Chinese style, like the name of Yang. And seriously, I’ll give you pictures together, and keep in mind what was said on the faunus and Raven.

Just find this here

The dragons are reflected in the world map of Remnant, as it happens at the top we have the God of Darkness and the one of Light on the right.

And looking at the episode 7 of volume 3, I realized that Adam had the map of Remnant behind him. And strangely, the firts plan we have of him, is this one :

Nothing is left to chance in RWBY. It surprises me that there is EXACTLY this continent behind him. The dragon is at the middle of the plan with Adam in font of it. The head and the wings are claerly apparent, the others pieces of lands don’t appear whole, I seriously doubt that this angle haven’t been chosen involuntary… Because when they had to built the scenery, decisions have been done, I tell myself that it’s not innocent. The guys could restricted to this, but no. They continue all along the scene, knowing that Adam walks when he listens the deal of Cinder…

He could stop everywhere, but they chose to structure the scene like this.

Adam only aspires to destroy, like the God of Darkness, counter to his brother, who him search to preserve the life. Amond their powers which have been exposed, we could see that silver light, and specific forms of thaumaturgy. But what will the power of Adam be, if he has dragon’s horns ? I think it will be a form of incomplete immortality, or which needs some conditions to be activate. It’s not impossible, like I said, the concept of life and death can be reverse with magic. Furthermore, if we associate Raven and Adam, it’s not improbable. You know why ? I tell you. In the episode 6 of Volume 5, something caught my attention. Amount of screenshots in coming :

Raven doesn’t believe in what is said to her, there is no reason for her to take literally what Oz told her. She needs to see to believe it. So she saw someone come back alive in front of her eyes, to come and declare the fact that she knows people who can come back from the dead. She can’t have seen Ozpin being killed, since he has not reincarnated in the meantime. Salem, I doubt that she could see her being hurt to return to life, because you have to beat her already. It’s very possible that it is Adam, since this whole scene, is to build in the same way as when the faunus was in full deal with Cinder. The guy stands right behind the fucking dragon of destruction. And what do you think Raven does? 

She looks at the dragon of destruction on the fucking map. It’s more complicated to discern because she doesn't face to the protagonists because we do not see what she looks, but her eyes are focused on the continent. In addition, we have a sequence where the camera slides gently on the map, to finish on the continent in question, implying that we are through the eyes of Raven. And some plans show that it pays particular attention to the parcel of land. 

Beside, in the Black Trailer of RWBY, we see a crow... Someone told me it was Qrow who was looking for Amber, but I made some searchs on internet, I didn't find any confirmation of CRWBY. For me, the fact that it's could be Raven would make so much more sense. After all, she seems almost omniscient and she can be here, from the beginning. And that reminds me of what Barbara says about “some things could be planned from the beginning”. And I remembered something in Volume 3 DvD commentary : “The idea for the Maidens was thought up by Monty Oum in between Volume 2 and Volume 3 and worked into the story.” So... This isn't suppose to be Qrow looking for the Fall Maiden, right ? Cuz Monty hadn't this idea yet. When he puts this crow, he was thinking to something else, right ? The last option is Raven...

Otherwise, remember well that the God of Darkness destroyed the moon. And what is the name of Adam’s semblance ? Moonslice.

Observation

Apart from these facts, there is something that who intrigued me. All the characters with a red aura, are more or less related to thaumaturgy... (As a reminder name ≠ aura color) Qrow : Crow transformation with magic Raven : Crow Transformation with Magic + Spring maiden Pyrrha : Was in contact with the aura of the Fall Maiden + was killed by the Fall Maiden Ruby : Silver eyes, which are connected to the God of light Adam : Could potentially have dragon horns (why would he escape the rule?)

For those who will tell me that the color of Raven's aura is orange, it's wrong. Originally she is red. It is clear when flames glow from her eyes and she uses her semblance. It's because she received the power of the Spring Maiden that she is orange. When Pyrrha agreed to assimilate the power of the former host, the aura of the Fall Maiden that enveloped it and it was indeed orange, instead of turning red. If Pyrrha had become a maiden, his aura would have undergone the same transformations. The fact that Raven's aura is orange would be incoherent. Because in no case we see this amber in her design, or even in her name ... We would see this pre-configuration somewhere.

Or it’s due to the dust after the fall... Cuz we can clearly that the power absorbed is red, and it belongs to Raven

Some shitty arguments (don’t take it serioulsy lmao) : - Adam’s name means humanity. And that made me think about the new erea, and all this things about gods... - The precious stone associated with the name of Adam, is the ruby. It’s kinda funny when you know that the show is called RWBY, and the main character wears the name “Ruby”. I think it’s more a coincidence, but I have to put this somewere.

This was my shitty observation, bye.