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kinetic-elaboration · 4 years ago

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April 14: 2x15 The Trouble with Tribbles

Back to watching TOS on Wednesdays! We’ll see if I can keep this up because I do prefer it to Fridays.

Today’s episode: the Classic (tm) Trouble with Tribbles.

Starting out with a little test for Chekov lol. Just Chekov, his mentor, and his mentor-in-law.

My mom called Chekov “Kirk and Spock’s little project,” which I think is hilarious but also probably true. Only 22 years old and on the bridge crew? Private quiz by the top two people on the ship? Legit interpretation.

“It was just a little joke.” / “Extremely little, Ensign.” Classic Spock burn.

The Organian Peace Treaty--from Errand of Mercy??

I really do feel like Kirk is genuinely amused by Chekov.

You would never guess from this intro about tense diplomatic situations and number-one-top-priority-triple-red-alerts that this was going to be a crack-y episode about space bunnies.

Oh no, a fake red alert! Kirk is really angry now.

Kirk and Spock are very Married today.

STORAGE COMPARTMENTS?? StOrAgE cOmPaRtmEnTs?

WHEAT??

Do not try to imply that Spock doesn’t know things; he is contractually obligated to show off.

Canadian wheat.

Honestly, just let Kirk call it wheat.

Spock is using diplomacy to reign Kirk in. Sarek would be proud. And Spock would be insulted that Sarek is proud.

Kirk is very Sassy today.

Omg the waitresses have little wings.

Spock taking the wheat from behind his back and giving it to Kirk like a magician’s assistant.

I feel like Kirk is bitter about the wheat because it’s the one (1) thing he’s not a nerd about. And he’s from Iowa too!! He should know!

Uhura listening to the salesman; well she IS here to shop, after all.

Is it alive? Is it cute? Oh who am I kidding, I can see it’s cute!

Oh no the tribble is eating the grain.

Uhura is truly adorable.

I can’t believe she just made a joke about never getting any shore leave and here she is, back at her station again.

Can you even imagine AOS Kirk being tasked with protecting a bunch of grain? HE would make Iowa jokes.

And Spock is trying so hard not to laugh.

Tbh I have a real soft spot for these frustrated Kirk episodes. Poor, long-suffering Kirk. So much more serious than all of the nonsense going on around him.

I like this space station design.

Klingons on shore leave. They just want to have some fun. No bowling alleys on their ships!

Technical journal time for Scotty!

“I am immune to their effect....” Sure. What’s funny to me is that Kirk actually is immune to their effect. Truly at no point does he seem charmed or amused by or even interested in the tribbles, except in their capacity as Klingon detectors at the end

“I think they’re old enough [to be adopted].” Lol how can you tell?

One look from Spock reigns Kirk in. #spacehusbands

Oh, you noticed there are 11 tribbles instead of 1? How astute.

“What do you get when you feed a tribble too much?” / “A fat tribble.” This is ACTUAL DIALOGUE. Oh, Kirk.

Honestly McCoy is a medical doctor, so it kind of would make more sense for Spock to be doing these tribble experiments but he has his hands full with Kirk

Kirk is awfully insistent upon Scotty taking shore leave when he should very well remember what happened last time

“You’d think he’d be a vodka man.” And he is!

Klingons don’t understand Kirk at all. He IS a little soft <3

Where’s that post that’s like ‘the AOS writers just listened to this one Klingon speech about Kirk and wrote his character based on that?” I mean... not totally inaccurate.

Actually it is a potentially interesting speech. Is this really how his enemies see him based on his reputation? Or is it just, like, a bunch of generic insults you could apply to pretty much any captain of a group you didn’t like?

Poor Kirk, missing out on this fight scene.

Lol the drink joke. Does it make sense? No, but it’s funny all the same.

“Captain’s log: I am forced to cancel shore leave.”

Angry Daddy!Kirk and his unhelpful children. You’re ALL grounded!!

“No this is not off the record!” Not even gonna debate that Scotty.

This whole Kirk and Scotty scene deserves an Emmy.

Spones + Tribbles

The extra hilarious thing about Spock talking about the uselessness of the tribbles and Bones defending their cuteness as being an end in and of itself is that Spock DOES canonically like soft, pleasing animals. Even in this episode!!

The tribble wants to be captain.

Kirk collecting tribbles lmao.

“Don’t look at me, it’s the tribbles that are breeding.”

The tribbles are bisexual. Just like Captain Kirk. (Yes this is two different uses of the term that mean totally different things and I do NOT care I just like hearing the word “bisexual” in DeForest Kelley’s voice.)

I feel like Uhura must be so lonely.. Trying to talk to Spock about the moon. Meeting shape shifting aliens who become native Swahili speakers just for her. Trying to buy love in the form of small, cute animals.

The tribbles have been taken from their predator-filled environment. I am VERY curious about their native environment now. What eats tribbles?

“It’s you I take lightly.” Honestly this level of sass almost makes AOS Kirk seem IC.

“Licensed asteroid locator and prospector.” Brb changing careers.

“But he is after my grain!”

Kirk saying “au revoir” is funny on its face for how he echoes Cyrano what’s-his-face but also because it reminds me of Shatner saying “I’m from Canada, so I speak French.”

No, the tribbles got in his food! That is the last straw.

It’s hard to tell because it’s covered in tribbles, but Spock appears to have a very odd looking salad. (Or that large piece of fruit is a tribble, really hard to tell.)

Spock’s “fascinating” was so quiet.

“They’re into the machinery all right.” First, lol, and second, isn’t Scotty supposed to be in his room thinking about what he’s done?

You can really see that missing finger.

Gonna beam down some tribbles too.

And now to top off this bad day: the indignity of having a bunch of dead tribbles fall on his head. To wacky music.

“Gorged? On my grain?” It’s more likely than you think.

And like........you realize someone off set is just continuing to throw little puff balls at Shatner's head at regular intervals during this whole scene? One just bounced right off it.

And the answer to the tribble problem is literally “stop feeding them” which is so obvious that I assumed it was just harder than one would think not to feed a tribble. Since no one fed them. And they continued to eat.

I also love how Bones comes into his best friend literally buried in tribbles and doesn’t even blink.

Whereas Spock’s here with his mouth this thinnest possible line, trying not to laugh.

They like Vulcans! They have good taste.

Spock is definitely that type that has secret low self esteem so he builds himself up with confident comments at every opportunity.

“He’s a Klingon, Jim.”

Kirk REALLY likes threatening the Klingons with tribbles.

I feel like leaving Cyrano to single-handedly clean up the tribbles over 17 years is not a punishment that makes sense because like... must the station live with the tribbles until then? Also, where is he to put them?

I think they should be returned to their native habitat to be eaten by predators according to the natural cycle of life.

Are we to understand that SPOCK suggested beaming the tribbles on to the Klingon ship? Perhaps I have underestimated his prank war abilities.

I’ll be honest, this ep is very entertaining and for that reason one of my favorites, but I don’t know that it paints the Enterprise, and Kirk in particular, in the best light.

Like... I am really torn on Kirk’s treatment of the undersecretary. I know he often doesn’t much like administrators and diplomats and other people who don’t seem to have much RL experience, and certainly this Federation official got on his bad side immediately and understandably by misusing the red alert.

But... Kirk isn’t at all subtle about not liking him. I mean he literally says “I don’t like you” and that’s just objectively unprofessional, which he is not. The sassiness was way unsubtle, which could be funny, but it just didn’t seem IC.

I can almost justify it because of the red alert mix up--that’s everything Kirk hates: violating regulations, showing disrespect to him and his crew, uncalled for manipulation--and I think he has the right to be upset about it. But he continues holding this grudge for a long time. It feels like it’s just as much about not personally caring about the grain as about anything else. Like he’s dismissive about the grain because he personally has never heard of it. So obviously it’s not important.

That’s too much that conventional-wisdom arrogant, dumb Kirk for me.

I guess I just don’t understand, why so much hatred for the undersecretary? Because his two biggest sins were the red alert and employing a Klingon. But as I already said, I think Kirk’s ire is disproportionate to the first offense and no one knew about the Klingon until the end--because a tribble, not Kirk specifically, found him out.

Otherwise..this guy was right! The grain was important, losing it or having it sabotaged would have very bad consequences for the Federation, it is Kirk’s job to guard it, and he should do it well. He was also right that the Klingon threat was real!! He’d brought in the Klingon threat but he was still right about it existing. The Klingons did in fact sabotage the grain! And although we hear at the end that there was magically more grain out there... I don’t get how or from where.

Furthermore, he used the red alert specifically because he seemed to think Kirk wouldn’t rush over to protect the grain otherwise, and Kirk is so dismissive of this “just wheat” that he kinda proves the guy right!

Anyway, I can see the grains of this Kirk (lol pun not intended) in his general characterization, but it’s too over the top, to the point where it’s OOC. He does take his job, including the diplomatic aspects of it, very seriously, and I think an IC Kirk would protect the grain, and maybe be only occasionally, subtly sassy to the undersecretary.

But this was such a crack-y episode overall... it was like everyone was turned up to 11 and pushed slightly to the side.

It was a fun ep though with a lot of very classic scenes, and it’s another reminder that Spock likes soft, adorable animals.

I will admit that I actually do not think the tribbles are particularly cute. They kind of weird me out. They’re just lumps of fur.

Next is The Gamesters of Triskelion, which I vaguely remember as a decent but not great episode.

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos #2021: fandom thoughts

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Star Trek: Lower Decks Season 2, Episode 2 Easter Egg and Reference

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Spoilers ahead for Star Trek: Lower Decks, Season 2, Episode 2, “Kayshon, His Eyes Open”

In The Next Generation episode “The Most Toys,” Kivas Fajo tried to keep Data forever. The idea that someone thought it was okay to “collect” was an oddly self-referential concept for Star Trek even in the 1990s. Just like now, the idea of a Star Trek collectible was a thing hardcore Star Trek fans thought about all the time. But, other than the fact that everyone would actually want to “collect” Data, “The Most Toys” wasn’t actually about Star Trek collectibles.

But, the newest Star Trek: Lower Decks episode, kind of is? In “Kayshon, His Eyes Open,” the crew of the Cerritos encounters one of those famous collectors, while the crew of the Titan deal with some very familiar transporter clones. It’s almost like this is an episode that is filled with as many Easter eggs on purpose. Here’s everything we caught.

Beta Shift

When Jet joins the Lower Deckers at the start of the episode, it’s implied they are on “Beta Shift.” This seems to check-out with Season 1, in which it was clear that the Cerritos was on a four-shift duty rotation, which included the night shift known as “Delta Shift.” (This idea was first introduced in the TNG episode “Chain of Command,” an episode Lower Decks LOVES to reference.)

Sonic Showers

Although sonic showers are referenced a lot in Star Trek, we’ve only seen sonic showers a few times. The first time was in The Motion Picture, and since then we’ve only glimpsed the showers. The visual effect for the communal sonic showers here is very similar to TMP, but the idea of communal showering for the lower officers vaguely references the novelization of The Motion Picture, too. If you know, then you know.

Collectors

Again the idea of various “Collectors” in the galaxy references Kivas Fajo and “The Most Toys.” This is what Freeman means by “they all tried to collect Data.”

Dr. Migleemo

Notably, the Cerritos’s counselor, the avian Dr. Migleemo returns in this episode, once again, voiced by Paul. F. Tompkins. Echoing Counselor Troi’s non-standard uniform, Migleemo appears to wear whatever he wants while on duty, even sitting on the bridge.

Items Owned By the Collector, Take 1

When the landing party for the Cerritos first boards the ship, just in the first room alone there are a ton of Easter eggs. Getting all of these is gonna be tricky, but we’re gonna give it a go. Here’s what you can spot when you pause the first couple of shots in the first room of the Collector’s Ship.

Captain Picard paper mache head from “Captain Picard Day” (TNG, “The Pegasus”)

The Game (TNG, “The Game”)

Baseball Bat and ball (Possible DS9 Sisko reference?)

Giant Unicorn (Possible Blade Runner reference?)

Marty McFly’s Shoes (Back to the Future)

Terran Empire Flag (TOS, “Mirror, Mirror)

Khan’s Necklace (The Wrath of Khan)

Valiant flight recorder (TOS, “Where No Man Has Gone Before)

Gold TOS Uniform

Giant Pink Tribble (TAS, “More Tribbles, More Troubles)

M-113 lifeform (TOS, “The Man Trap.” Also, this is AT LEAST the third time the Salt Vampire has appeared on Lower Decks. And, having the M-113 lifeform as a collectible not only references “The Man Trap,” but also, “The Squire of Gothos,” in which your boy Trelane had an M-113 creature as a museum piece, too!)

Special Shout-Out: Betazoid Gift Box

First appearing in TNG’s “Haven,” this was a talking box that was meant to “bond” with the person who got the gift.

The existence of this artifact here is also possible a double reference to two other things: In “Haven,” the face of the Gift Box was played by Armin Shimmerman, more famous later as Quark on DS9. But, on top of that, back in 1994 the Star Trek: The Next Generation Collectible Card Game (published by Decipher Inc.) had a very powerful card based on the Betazoid Gift Box. If you played the game, you know this was a rare and useful card that was well…very collectible.

Special Shout-Out: Whose trombone is that?

We briefly see a trombone in one of the collector’s cases, which seems like an easy reference to Riker. But, which one? Because this episode also directly references “Second Chances,” and Will Riker’s duplicate Thomas Riker, it’s possible that this is the trombone that Will gave to Thomas at the end of that TNG episode. Briefly, here’s the case for that being Thomas Riker’s trombone: In the DS9 episode “Defiant” Thomas Riker tried to steal the Defiant, but was later arrested by Starfleet. Presumably, this would mean all of his stuff would have been confiscated, including his trombone!

Keyshon is a Tamarian

Tamarians or “the Children of Tama” originate in the TNG episode “Darmok.” In case you forgot, Picard cracked the case with this species by learning they spoke exclusively through metaphor and analogy. Mariner mocks this by pointing out all you have to do is listen for “context clues.”

Riker loves…Rogue Squadron?

Riker tells Boimler to use “attack pattern delta,” on the Pakled ship. This seems to be a reference to The Empire Strikes Back in which Luke tells the snowspeeders of Rogue Squadron, “Attack pattern delta, go now!”

Items Owned By the Collector, Take 2

Here’s another go at seeing how many Easter eggs were jammed into like less than 2-minutes of screentime.

Kataan Probe (TNG, “The Inner Light”)

Vulcan lirpa weapon (TOS, “Amok Time,”)

Klingon bat’leth (TNG, DS9, Voyager et al.)

Andorian dueling weapon (Enterprise, “United.”)

Shark in a Tank (A reference to the real-life artist Damien Hirst, probably?)

Mars Rover

Kadis-kot game set (Voyager)

Château Picard wine crate (Picard)

Isomagnetic disintegrator (Worf’s bazooka from Insurrection)

Tendi is later holding:

A trident scanner (Scotty loved this thing in TOS)

And…a Kurlan naiskos (TNG, “The Chase,” a very big episode for canon!)

Kahless’ fornication helmet

Tendi says that this specific Klingon artifact is clearly something Kahless (the Klingon Jesus) wore while…well, the name speaks for itself. But which Kahless? Hmmm? The fake clone Kahless from “Rightful Heir?” or the real-deal Kahless from the 9th century? The Kahless reference gets doubly meta, because, as you’ll see later, Lower Decks eventually references the very first reference in canon to Kahless, too.

Data’s Picasso-esque painting of Spot

Barely visible, just as Mariner and the gang are trying to escape, we see Data’s painting of his cat Spot, first seen in the TNG episode “Inheritance,” and later in the background in the movie Generations.

Boimler’s description of the Enterprise-D

Let’s combine two scenes here! In two pivotal moments in the episode, Boimler is defending the honor and relative coolness of the TNG adventures on the Enterprise-D, which he just calls “the D.” Here’s what it seems like he’s referencing.

“They went to other dimensions… (This seems to reference the idea that “The D” did go to another dimension in the episode “Where No One Has Gone Before.” It also could reference “Yesterday’s Enterprise,” but nobody would remember that.)

“They fought the Borg…” (This references “Q, Who,” “The Best of Both Worlds,” and “Descent.”

“They insurrected!” (This seems to reference Star Trek: Insurrection, which was not the Enterprise-D, but instead, the Enterprise-E! The Lower Decks writers surely know this. Why doesn’t Boimler know this? Maybe the game of telephone in the Federation is a little inaccurate? In LDS Season 1, the news of Data’s brother seemed to travel…very slowly?)

“They had a regular string quartet.” (This references several TNG episodes, notably “Sarek,” and again, “Inheritance,”)

“Riker was jamming on the trombone” (A ton of TNG, including “The Next Phase,” “Future Imperfect,” and of course, “Second Chances.”)

“Catching love disease” (Probably TNG’s “The Naked Now”)

“Acting in plays” (This mostly references Riker acting in one of Crusher’s plays in TNG’s “Frame of Mind.”)

The remains of Spock Two?

In the spooky skeleton room, we see what appears to be a giant humanoid skeleton wearing a blue TOS–era Starfleet uniform. Who is this? The best guess? This is the giant Spock clone from The Animated Series episode “The Infinite Vulcan.”

Excalbian Bones and Abe Lincoln

Toward the end of the episode, the gang is trapped in a diorama that seems to have an alien and a skeleton of Abraham Lincoln. This references the TOS episode “The Savage Curtain” in which the Excalbians produced copies of Lincoln, along with Kahless and Surak. This episode was the first reference in Trek canon to both Kahless and Surak, and so, basically created the backstories of both Vulcan and Klingon cultures through historically inaccurate versions of those people. Funny, right?

Transporter clone

When Boimler beams the away team out through the distortion field, Riker says “oh, I’ve heard this tune before.” This references the TNG banger “Second Chances,” in which Riker’s transporter duplicate was discovered on a planet years after the fact. In this sense, Boimler’s transporter clone got off easy. Also, the idea that one of the transporter duplicates makes different decisions that the other also references “Second Chances,” in which “Thomas” Riker ends up being a different person than Will. The idea that both can’t serve on the Titan anymore might reference the idea that the TNG writing staff considered killing off the “first” Will Riker, and replacing him with his duplicate. This would have meant Data would have become the first officer in Season 6, and Riker, the operations officer. It didn’t happen, but from the point of view of the Titan crew, something like this basically DID just happen.

The Riker lean

While talking to the Mr. Boimlers, Riker puts one foot up on a couch. Classic Riker lean. Classic.

“Computer play Night Bird”

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Just before Boimler leaves the Ready Room, “William Boimler” and Riker are sharing some Romulan Ale. Riker says “computer, play ‘Night Bird.’” This also references “Second Chances,” in which Riker is unable to play the trombone solo for this song, which Troi teases him about endlessly. “Night Bird” also appears to be a made-up song. But who knows, maybe William Boimler will be able to master it? Star Trek: Lower Decks Season 2 airs on Paramount+ on Thursdays.

The post Star Trek: Lower Decks Season 2, Episode 2 Easter Egg and Reference appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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aboutbatman · 4 years ago

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@superbatweek

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types, Star Trek: The Original Series Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne Characters: Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Montgomery “Scotty” Scott, Nilz Baris, Koloth (Star Trek), Cyrano Jones, Arne Darvin, Nyota Uhura, Tribble (Star Trek) Additional Tags: Magic, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack Crossover, Weird Plot Shit, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Clark is Captian Kirk, Bruce is Spock, Superbat Week 2020 Series: Part 4 of Superbat Week 2020 Summary:

Captain Kent sat in one of the chairs, setting up the chessboard for play. “Come in, come in!” He gestured to the chair opposite him. “Take a seat.”

Bruce did as instructed. Clark finished setting up the board and then moved a white pawn. “The tribbles are becoming a real problem. I was on the bridge earlier and they were everywhere. There was even one in my command chair.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow and silently moved his own pawn.

“I didn’t see it before I sat down.” Clark looked slightly guilty. “It didn’t make it.”

—-

Captain Kent and Commander Wayne must work together to solve the tribble problem that threatens to derail their mission.

Superbat week 2020: Day 4- Magic

#superbat #superbat week 2020 #clark kent/bruce wayne #superbatweek2020 #superbatweek #star trek #star trek tos #tribbles

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canna-change-the-laws-of-physics · 6 years ago

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Admiral Komack will be touring the Enterprise in 24 hours

and our crew has modified parts of it in ways that are not exactly ~regulation~, so there is a lot of last-minute scurrying through the corridors, trying either to hide things or to put them back as they were.

Spock temporarily takes down the red curtains in his quarters and borrows some spackle from Maintenance to cover the nail holes that were necessary to hang them there in the first place. He also puts away his two framed pictures: one is from his childhood and shows him with his sehlat, and the other is one that Amanda sent him last year of Sarek and herself (she is also taking the picture and smiling enough for the both of them) on Earth.

Sulu's room is always very messy, full of all the accouterments of his hobbies. After he finishes doing laundry, clearing the floor of dirt from his flowerpots that got spilled when the Enterprise hit turbulence, and returning a fencing foil that he borrowed from the Enterprise gym and forgot he still had lying around, he has to figure out what to do with his antique firearms collection (which, technically, he is not allowed to have, but Kirk knows he can trust his helmsman and so looks the other way).

Uhura stashes her pet tribble in one of her wardrobe drawers, gives it enough food to last it through the day (but not too much) and just hopes that it doesn't spontaneously start trilling while the Admiral is inspecting her quarters.

Scotty's quarters are full of electronics, antique computers, and a linear accelerator that runs along the wall -- he secretly saves bits of the cracked/burnt/shattered dilithium crystals, since Starfleet would throw them out anyway, and uses them for his crazy projects. He worries about getting in trouble for this and walks around in poorly concealed panic until Kirk asks what is wrong and just seems amused by Scotty's confession.

Chekov's room is surprisingly tame. It contains a model Vostok rocket on his desk, fancy speakers on which he plays loud, very dramatic music (he has been known to blast "March of the Mogul Emperors" or Holst's "Mars" too early in the morning), old postcards of landmarks like the Winter Palace or the Kremlin, and a radiation warning that he stole from the Engineering deck and stuck on his door.

Since Kirk's bridge crew is always coming in and out of his quarters, he doesn't actually have any contraband in there -- just books everywhere, an old-fashioned gyroscope and a sextant, a globe of the stars as seen from Earth so that he always remembers what they should look like, and a few statues and decorations picked up from various planets or given to him by the crew (the statue behind his desk was a present from Spock, and the flowering tree by his door was an acquisition from a shore leave on Argelius).

(NOTE- This kind of headcanon could conceivably be canon, but it reads like a bizarre apartment-complex AU that I also love)

#star trek tos #headcanon #spock #sulu #uhura #scotty #chekov #jim kirk

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theladyfangs · 7 years ago

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Reflections Part 2/ The Other

Gabriel 1/ A Storm In The Ocean

Gabriel I

Mycelium works in mysterious ways. He’d learned that through observing Paul Stamets. He’d learned that this network, used as a weapon of destruction in his universe, could also give life elsewhere.

Gabriel chuckles low, dark. Unhappy.

He was so close. Close to having it all—his revenge, his victory, his empire, and her.

But she refused to come.

Georgiou had gotten to her once again, this time, turning her against him. Michael hadn’t even let him explain.

Now he’s trapped—neither living nor dead, but caught between.

A sword through the back. But the twist—came from her, as she’d stepped aside as he reached for her, letting him fall into the light.

He saw his own death approach in blinding brilliance, and when he woke up, he was here.

Wherever here, is.

“Serves you right, you rat bastard,” Hugh says, coming to stand next to him and crossing his arms as they both look down at the scenes below. “Everything you touch, you destroy.”

“I wasn’t the one who killed you,” he throws back tartly. “But believe me, if I could now…”

They both know the threat is empty.

“Is this what it’s like?” He asks, quieter now, the mask of bluster fading as he watches Michael pet her tribble.

It’s how he spends his time now. Simply watching her. Watching over her. Still trying, even in death, to protect her when he’s failed to do so twice now. The only comfort is that this time, it was his life that was taken, not hers. At least he managed that.

He watches her walk the corridors of Discovery quietly, the pet in her arms. And he watches her at work—on the bridge, engineering. He sees her when she’s asleep, but his heart hurts when she tosses, and he knows it’s not restful. He can see everyone and everything that goes on there—the entire crew of the Discovery, but it is Michael he focuses on the most. The place where his attention never wavers.

“Always,” Hugh says. Gabriel knows the doctor does the exact same thing. Only, he watches over Paul. Watches, as his husband walks into a room that housed two people, but is now home to only one. He watches as his lover stares at the bed but is unable to bring himself to lie in it. And he watches as Paul does as he’s had the past few weeks, and turns to the couch, sleeping curled up and alone.

The temperature around them falls, and Lorca looks up and around as the place they’re in darkens.

“What is that?” he asks.

Hugh turns. “A storm is coming.” He points.

Below them, the Discovery sails on, oblivious to the gathering of ionized particles beginning to spark and churn in the distance. Separate from them, Gabriel and Hugh are the left behind.

“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything,” Gabriel says, to himself.

“I thought you hated poetry,” Hugh turns to look at him, surprised.

“C.S. Lewis,” Gabriel says absently.

A Storm In the Ocean

The only option is escape. The storm is too strong for the old freighter to manage. Cracks in the painted-over rust begin to crawl up the ship’s walls, revealing the extent of the decay. They are all dying creatures here. He learned to embrace it a while ago, how to survive while teetering on the edge. Gabriel Lorca learned how to survive.

The alarms begin to sound as the ship starts to break up, the storm raging outside.

“Abandon ship,” he gives the order.

The crew scrambles, taking with them what they can—mostly intelligence files.

He watches from the bridge, holding the ‘Lisbeth, as steady as he can as the pods take off, each carrying a soul. The crew complement is dropping…

35…30…24…21…17…16…10…6…4….1…A flash of light streaks across the front viewer and the Lisbeth trembles violently, a loud, yawning sound that he knows, can’t be good…

“Captain, we’re at a safe distance, sir. Evacuate…evacuate…”

His XO’s voice comes through on the conn. But Lorca is tired. And he thinks now is as good a time to die as any.

“No can do, Xhian,” he says calmly. “Take care. Keep up the fight,”

Because he’s done with it.

Another bolt, this time, hitting its target. The electricity begins to course through the ship, snapping circuits, frying wires,

“It’s been a good ride, my lady,” Lorca pats the ship’s conn. Waiting.

He sees it as it comes, and as the light approaches, he stretches his arms wide, embracing it. .

“You’re awake.”

He opens his eyes and sits up quickly in the bio bed glaring at a man in white medical Starfleet-issue scrubs.

“Who the hell are you, and where am I?”

“I’m Hugh Culber, and as for the where, well that part’s complicated,” the man tells him, taking a step back.

“Trust me, at this stage of the game, I doubt anything would surprise me,” Lorca grouses, getting down from the bed.

“Yeah well…about that,” Culber says, right as the doors to sickbay open. Lorca’s eyes go to where Hugh’s are looking and he comes face-to-face with…himself.

Now he knows for sure that he’s dead

“You son-of-a-bitch,” he mutters crossing his arms. “How the hell did you get here?”

“I died,” Gabriel tells him.

“Took you long enough,” Lorca says, bitterly. “You know how much of your shit I had to deal with in your universe?”

“Yeah, well, yours ain’t much better, buddy.”

Hugh looks between the two of them and just shakes his head, moving back.

The two Gabriels glare at each other, angrily.

“Look—Captain Lorca, I get you’re angry. None of us volunteered to be here, but” Culber looks to Gabriel. “I think you two have some things to discuss. And for the record, sir,” he can’t help but call Lorca ‘sir,’ “unlike us, you are not dead. Just passing through.”

Gabriel rubs his temples, growing annoyed with himself. No, really. Lorca is an asshole. And his patience is getting thin. But when Lorca accuses him of murdering Michael, it’s the final straw.

“I didn’t kill her!” He yells, turning on himself. “How dare you judge me, you don’t know shit about me!”

“Oh, I know enough,” Lorca tells him. “You betray your emperor, you take her daughter, and you murder her, stage a coup and I get to spend the past year on the run for the crimes of a traitor.”

They argue over this. Back-and-forth, back-and-forth.

“So what about you?” Gabriel challenges. “What about Katrina?” After all, turnabout is fair play.

At the name, Lorca’s eyes get flinty. “What did you do to her?”

Gabriel smirks. “Only what she wanted me to do.”

Lorca is first to swing, his fist finding Gabriel’s face. A face so much like his own. But it’s pointless. Really. They’re equally matched and trade body blows and kicks until they collapse, both breathing hard, exhausted and feeling like defeated men.

“I loved Katrina,” Lorca says defensively, feeling the burn behind his eyes at the mention of her name. “If you hurt her…”

“YOU hurt her,” Gabriel pants out. “Admit it. All those years you went—kept pushing it off, pushing it back…delaying it. If you wanted her, you should have said something decades ago. THEN you get mad when she asks for five more years? You had 25! Don’t think I don’t know. You made it all so clear in your personal logs. So who is more wrong? I adored my Michael. I treated her like the queen she was MEANT to be, and you don’t know the cost…” at that, even Gabriel stops, not able to bring himself to say the other thing.

It gets quiet as they stare up into nothingness.

“What do I need to know before I go back,” Lorca says, voice low. Will I be arrested on-sight for some shit YOU did?”

“Depends,” Gabriel tells him, honestly. “You’re crew may not be too happy to see you.”

His crew. At that, Lorca turns his head. “You were on the Buran? What did you do to my crew?” He asks, with a sick feeling in his gut, knowing he won’t like the answer.

“You saw what happened to you when you got to my universe,” Gabriel says, voice flat. “I did what I had to do to survive in yours.”

There’s a fresh wave of anger-fueled adrenaline and at the words Lorca moves fast, jumping on Gabriel and wrapping his hands around his own neck, squeezing tight.

“You sick, son-of-a-bitch,” he growls, the grip tightening as the knuckles begin to show under the skin. He squeezes, watching as Gabriel’s face turns red, then gradually darker, the blood rushing to eyes so much like his own, tinting them red. His counterpart, gags, thrashing, hands gripping his own but the grip doesn’t break and he watches with icy calm as gradually, Gabriel’s body stops thrashing, the hands around his stop clawing, the breathing stops…and finally, the imposter goes limp and Lorca is left to stand, dazedly, his own heart in his throat, looking down on what remains of himself.

His crew. Dead. Murdered, and the last face they likely saw, he knows, was his.

The nausea hits immediately, sending him stumbling, reeling and he turns away from Gabriel’s body and begins heaving. Nothing but bile. After a moment of this, he slumps against a wall and slides down, wearier and heavier than he’s ever been before. Lorca closes his eyes. Maybe this really is death, he thinks. So be it.

Hugh comes in and looks on in disapproval at both Gabriel Lorcas lying on the floor, bloodied and beaten.

“Time’s up, Captain,” he says, breaking Lorca out of his despair.

“Up for what?” Lorca asks.

At that, Gabriel’s eyes open and he gets to his feet, rubbing his neck. “Fuck, that hurt,” he rasps then, at the look of shock on Lorca’s face, starts to laugh. It turns into a hacking cough.

Hugh ignores him. “You should be going now,” he tells Lorca. “Just thank your lucky ion storms you won’t be stuck here, with him. Follow me.”

The doctor reaches a hand down and the captain takes it, allowing himself to be pulled up. The two men start walking to the door, past Gabriel who stands there with a strange look on his face. He’s not laughing anymore. Or coughing.

“Wait,” he calls to them striding over and stopping them before they can walk through the door, blocking it with his body. For this, he speaks directly to Lorca, his voice low, carrying with it urgency. The games are done. This, what he has to say now, is serious.

“You’ll see them both,” Gabriel warns himself. “Your Katrina. My Michael. They’re both there.”

“I don’t give a damn about Michael,” Lorca snaps. “I need to fix whatever the fuck you did to Katrina.”

But Gabriel shakes his head.

“Look,” he sighs, knowing himself and trying to decide how to convince Lorca to give him this one thing. “I just need you to tell my Michael the truth. It’s all down there,” he gestures. “In my quarters. In my files. You know which ones,” he says…stopping short of saying the other word. Please. Lorca studies him a long moment, and they speak, not with words but with other things. Gabriel knows himself. Lorca does too. Please, he asks himself. Hugh takes a step back, giving them space. It’s silent here, now as the mirrors of Lorca contemplate one another.

“Don’t make me…”Gabriel says quietly, reaching out to clasp Lorca’s wrist. “It’s important.” The grip tightens.

“I don’t owe you a damn thing.” Lorca nearly growls the words as h he snatches his hand away.

“PLEASE! There! I said it, are you satisfied now?” Because now, Gabriel isn’t so cocky. Now, he’s out of bluster and underneath that armor of arrogance is still a man. Reluctantly, Lorca nods. He will grant himself this because a part of him, grudgingly, understands. He knows what it has taken himself to even say the word “please.” He knows he had to humble himself. And that’s a tall order and in both universes, it seems, the word itself largely absent in both their vernaculars.

“Gabriel, Captain Lorca,” Hugh interjects. “We’re running out of time. The window is starting to close.”

“There are things there…not even you know,” Gabriel starts talking faster. “Just tell my Michael the truth. All I ask.”

Lora just nods, lips tight. But he’ll honor the request. Gabriel nods back, stepping aside and allowing them to move past. Culber steps out in front, guiding the way. They walk just a short distance and the doctor stops and turns to the captain.

“Yes?”

“I…have a request as well, if you could,” Hugh says, once they’re alone.

“Sure.” Because he really has no problem with Hugh.

“Tell Lieutenant Stamets I’ll be waiting for him at the opera. He’ll know what it means.”

“Will do, doctor,” Lorca extends to him a hand. “And thanks --” There’s no completing the sentence. He sees the white flash coming toward him and before he can speak again, it engulfs him.

#USS Archangels #star trek discovery #fanfiction #Reflections/TheOther #michael burnham x gabriel lorca #gabriel lorca x katrina cornwell #gabriel lorca #michael burnham #katrina cornwell

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writesandramblings · 7 years ago

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The Captain’s Secret - p.62

“A Matter of Record”

A/N: This chapter takes place after episode 4, "The Butcher's Knife Cares Not for the Lamb's Cry."

Full Chapter List Part 1 - Objects in Motion << Part 61 - Shock and Awe Part 63 - A Laughing Rain >>

"You know, she actually walked right by me when she first came aboard?"

Major John Allan and Lieutenant Einar Larsson were standing outside the door to Lab 26, as they usually did at this hour. They were standing on hour eleven of Allan's shift and hour three of Larsson's. Despite the long hours, Allan was his usual fresh-faced, chipper self.

Despite the short hours, Larsson was already brutally annoyed. He looked like a hulking behemoth next to Allan and hated how chatty the major was. His only response to Allan's latest anecdote was an entirely disinterested, "Oh?"

"Really? You don't think that's kind of interesting?"

"Meh," said Larsson with a shrug.

Allan shook his head. "But you like history." It was the only thing they had in common.

"I like it less when I am living in it," said Larsson bitterly, adjusting his grip on his rifle. "Burnham is bad luck."

Allan sighed, shook his head, and glanced at the ceiling. "You are the weirdest historian I have ever met."

"I wrote a history book. That doesn't make me an historian."

"Doesn't it?" asked Allan. Larsson shook his head. Allan shrugged. "I think living history is the best way to experience it."

"Yeah, no, living history is great," deadpanned Larsson. "It's a great way to die, 'cause you know what gets written up in history books? Deaths and battles. You know what doesn't? They lived happily ever after with three kids and had lots of sex."

"Three kids? Really?" said Allan laughingly. He had not taken Larsson for a family man.

"Well, not in my version," admitted Larsson, finally cracking a small smile. "Now come on, can we just stand here like we're paid to do?"

Allan inclined his head at Larsson. "Paid?" Then he figured it out and laughed. "History joke! I got it. Good one. About how people used to be paid to do things." People were still paid for doing things, just not in the way they had been paid in the past.

Larsson rolled his eyes. He much preferred being on shift with O'Malley. The colonel was pleasantly quiet company.

There was a faint alert in their earpieces. The lab door opened from within and Mischkelovitz emerged. Allan's face lit up. "Melly!" She did not respond in kind. She looked dejected, her face downcast, her feet shuffling. Allan waved to get her attention. "Where are you headed?"

Mischkelovitz pointed up.

"Does Rove know where you're going?" A nod. "Do you want me to come with?" She shook her head and shuffled away. Allan watched her go with a look of concern.

Larsson considered Allan's expression. "I'll stay here if you want to go after," he offered, which was unusually charitable of him. Only one of them actually needed be on the door at all times. It so happened Larsson took more breaks than Allan and O'Malley combined and for once seemed to have the inclination to rectify that imbalance.

Allan's head shook faintly. "No," he said. "I can't get involved." Then he lapsed into a silence that lasted the rest of his shift.

Lorca was waiting for her. He watched her slowly make her way to the bridge in answer to his summons, trudging one reluctant step at a time, walking so close to the wall that her shoulder brushed it and her fingers trailed across its surface. She seemed faintly dazed, lost in her own thoughts. She even walked into a security bulkhead at one point, just bumped right into it, not realizing it was right in front of her. Then she stood at the turbolift longer than was necessary.

He watched as she finally got into the turbolift and he shut off the feed and turned to face the window so he had his back to the door when she finally arrived.

Mischkelovitz stopped midway between his desk and the door and stood in the dim light, waiting. The tribble on his desk let out a tiny purr.

After a minute, he gestured to her with a small sweep of his arm and flick of his finger. "Come here," he said, voice firm and mildly impatient.

She shuffled forward and joined him at the window. The vista of stars was blue-tinged today. The pinpricks of light revealed the shape of an arm of the galaxy. They stood there, looking out the window, the only movement the nervous twist of Mischkelovitz's hands. This motion meant the exact opposite as it did with Lalana.

Finally, he asked, "What do you see?" She did not answer, but he had not entirely expected she would. "Do you know how many stars there are right now in front of us?" Another pause as he let her consider that, his own eyes sweeping across the impossibly vast corridor of light. "More than even you can count. In a thousand lifetimes we couldn't see all of them, and we only get the one. Don't you wish you could see them all? The untold wonders." A smile tugged at his mouth.

It was possible, when there was no war, when there were no enemies, to run and see as many of them as you could.

"And to think, there might be a whole 'nother universe of stars out there. And maybe, just maybe, we can go and see it ourselves. Now wouldn't that be an adventure? Don't you want to see it, Mischka?"

Her hands had gone still. Then her right hand moved, slowly, intentionally, towards his arm. Her thumb and forefinger curled around the cuff of his sleeve. His shifted his hand off the windowsill and folded it over hers, looking down towards her as he did. Her eyes were wide and glistening and she was biting her lip. She shook her head.

Lorca was confused and it showed. She had no desire to see the stars? The he realized what she meant and exhaled with a growl of annoyance. "You have no idea what I just said, do you?" He sighed and looked back out at the stars. What a waste of a perfectly good speech.

When Dr. Culber arrived in the ready room, Lorca and Mischkelovitz were both standing in front of the monitor on the wall and Lorca was leaning over to try and make out something Mischkelovitz was saying, but Mischkelovitz startled at the opening of the door and slid between Lorca and the wall.

Culber knew Mischkelovitz by appearance and reputation but had never actually been in the same room with her before now. A few times he had attempted to organize some sort of communication between them—they were both medical doctors—but she had ignored him at every turn. Now, she seemed to be shrinking away from him, inching behind Lorca, of all people, as if she needed the captain to protect her from Culber.

"Captain," said Culber, looking uncertainly at Mischkelovitz. He had expected this to be about Stamets or something to do with operations in sickbay but Mischkelovitz's presence made both subjects unlikely.

"I need you to fix something," said Lorca to Culber, then turned towards Mischkelovitz. "Mischka?" Mischkelovitz cowered and did not move. Lorca frowned and closed his eyes a moment, then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back in front of the monitor. He stood behind her and cupped the sides of her head with his hands so her gaze was directed straight at the screen. Culber noticed an active audio transcript display. At the top were written the words, Mischka, you just let me prattle on like a fool over there, didn't you? followed by, What? and then every word since Culber's arrival.

As Lorca spoke, new words appeared.

"You are going to tell Dr. Culber exactly how to fix these implants and then we are never having this conversation again, do you understand?" Lorca's voice was an angry hiss through gritted teeth, but Mischkelovitz saw only words on a screen, devoid of any tone, and felt Lorca's right thumb lightly stroke her temple, where Culber could not see. She nodded slightly.

"Implants?" said Culber.

Lorca pulled back the hair on the left side of Mischkelovitz's head and tapped near the implant. "Right here."

Culber took a step forward for a closer look and Mischkelovitz shied away slightly, but Lorca held her firmly in place. Culber blinked. "I've never seen that sort of implant before. Where is it from?"

"She made it, which is why she'll be able to walk you through repairing it." Lorca smirked, patted Mischkelovitz twice on the head, and finally released her.

Mischkelovitz turned away from the monitor and started rapidly shaking her head at Lorca. Lorca responded with an annoyed frown. "A moment, doctor," he said, and Culber exited.

They were alone again. "Please don't make me go alone, I don't like doctors," she said.

"You're a doctor," pointed out Lorca.

"Only because one of us had to be. It made sense if it was me."

The explanation meant nothing to Lorca. "You don't have to go alone, you can bring whoever you want."

She watched the words appear on the transcript, then turned back to him and said, "You."

Lorca sighed heavily. "Not me. I meant Mally or Groves. Saru, if you like." He could certainly spare his first officer for a few hours.

She looked at the monitor, then at his desk. "Can I bring your tribble?"

Lorca stared at her. "You want Merkin?"

Mischkelovitz blinked at the name as it appeared on the monitor. She suddenly squeaked. The squeak turned into a laugh. The sort of unending, hysterical laugh he remembered from that entertainment program she loved. She was utterly delighted.

Lorca chuckled, both at her reaction and because Merkin's name was his own little awful joke. He let her laugh for a minute, then touched her on the shoulder to get her to stop. "You can bring Merkin on one condition." There was a reason he had called her up to his ready room. The ensuing nonsense had pulled them far away from that reason, but it was high time they attended to it. "This thing with you and Burnham, it's not going to be a problem, is it?"

All trace of laughter vanished as Mischkelovitz considered the words on the monitor carefully. "She's a monster, right? Like me. But you like monsters and that's why you give us all second chances."

Lorca was not sure the word "monster" applied to Burnham, but it was clear Mischkelovitz felt the term accurately described herself and it definitely applied to Ripper and perhaps Lalana, so he smirked and said, "I like monsters very much."

Mischkelovitz smiled then. "Mally likes monsters, too. My brother has a well of compassion as deep as the ocean. And there are lots of monsters in the ocean deep." She had a weird expression on her face, a sort of crazed half-smile. There was something familiarly unsettling about it. He realized it reminded him of when she had said Groves never needed to be taught the same thing twice. There was something really bizarre in the way she summarized her family members.

He sent her on her way with the tribble and a pair of fortune cookies and stared at the transcript for a moment before closing it and returning the view to the tactical display of the war. Monsters in the ocean deep. The same could be said for the depths of space, and certainly there were plenty of monsters on Discovery. The list simply did not include Michael Burnham.

Fixing the implants took hours. One of them had been out of commission for several months, ever since the Edison. The other had finally met its end after weeks of intermittent failure when Mischkelovitz walked into the bulkhead on her way to the bridge.

The implants were not the main thing that concerned Culber. Mischkelovitz looked at Culber the way most people looked at Lorca. Culber gave her a padd with the computer's transcript turned on and assured her multiple times that she had nothing to worry about, but she still flinched and shuddered and recoiled from him. "Let's just get this over with," was the extent of the consideration she was willing to give him. She laid down on the slab and stared at a visual feed of Culber's work, incessantly muttering to herself with Lorca's tribble pressed against her collarbone, the muttering ceasing only for those moments when she issued directions.

Culber had more experience with implants than he liked thanks to the war, but these implants were something altogether different. They seemed to be fully anatomically integrated. "This is amazing," he said. "You incorporated the existing tissues."

"Yes, well, the way other people do implants is all wrong," said Mischkelovitz, refusing to be flattered. "You can't just push aside the existing tissue structures or throw things on top." Technically you could, but it seemed Mischkelovitz's stance was that you shouldn't.

The tissue integration made the repairs all the more delicate. It was obvious why Mischkelovitz had been unable to do them herself. This task required a mixture of engineering and surgery expertise, emphasis on the surgery, and the person operating needed to be able to access the location easily and fully.

The first implant came back online. Mischkelovitz sat up. Culber offered her a genuine smile despite her cantankerous behavior. Doctors often made the worst patients. "That's better, right?" She said nothing but laid back down on her other side. He started on the other implant.

"You know," Culber said, thinking that he could break through to her now that she could hear his voice, "it wasn't right the way the captain grabbed you. You should consider filing a report."

"Stop," said Mischkelovitz. Culber immediately pulled his hands back from the repairs.

"Did I hit a nerve?"

He meant it in the literal sense, but it applied only in the figurative. Mischkelovitz sat up, bits of wire and flesh hanging down the side of her neck, and glared at Culber. "I'm here because the captain asked me to be. If you have a problem with that you can take it up with him. But so long as he says I'm welcome here on Discovery, I'm not leaving."

Culber blinked. He in no way meant to imply Mischkelovitz was the one that ought to leave Discovery. "Just because the captain brought you onboard doesn't give him, or anyone, the right to grab you."

Mischkelovitz stared at Culber without blinking. The tribble cooed and quivered in her hands. "Are you threatening my captain?"

"Of course not. I'm only trying to look out for you," said Culber sincerely.

"You think you have that right?"

"When you're a patient on my table? Yes, I do."

"I only ever had the one patient and they tried to lock me up for looking after him."

Culber swallowed. The first time he read the medical report on the Edison incident it had turned his stomach. The second time, too, and the third. That anyone could prolong the suffering of another human the way Mischkelovitz had was unthinkable, and worse, she had done it to someone she loved when it was well beyond the scope of medical science to save him. Sometimes it was less important to save a life and more important to do no harm.

The principle also applied here. Culber plastered a smile on his face and said with false cheerfulness, "Lie down and I'll finish fixing that implant, all right?" Mischkelovitz obeyed and Culber resumed work because at the end of the day, it was impossible to save someone from themselves.

There were precious few people on Discovery who had any affection for Michael Burnham, but Cadet Sylvia Tilly was one.

As Tilly had exclaimed when first meeting Burnham in the room they shared, having a roommate was like having a built-in friend. On a ship where most of the crew seemed to view her with open hostility, Michael Burnham was quietly relieved to at least have the one. It made mealtimes slightly less awkward.

They were sitting in the mess hall at one of the middle tables with a zone of emptiness around them. Not only did most people not want to be seen associating with Burnham, even sitting at a table next to hers was apparently unpalatable. Tilly was chattering on about some of her experiences at the Academy. The chatter was of little interest of use to Burnham, but processing her experiences aloud seemed to help Tilly and she seemed not to care that Burnham was barely listening.

Burnham noticed the same group of three people come in as always appeared at this time. The first was a man, tall and with a vaguely haggard look, wearing an unranked specialist uniform like her own, but in the bronze color of ops. The second was a woman in medical white and grey, and the third a freckled man of modest height with the solid black insignia badge that never meant anything good in Burnham's experience. They grabbed food and took up a table to themselves.

"Who are they?" she asked, interrupting Tilly's latest anecdote about a group project in an engineering course where she had ended up doing all the work for her groupmates.

"Oh, well that's Dr. Frankenstein."

"Frankenstein?" repeated Burnham, not believing that for a minute.

"Emellia Mischkelovitz? And that's John Groves with her." When no flicker of recognition appeared on Burnham's face, Tilly's lit up with amazement. "Oh, you don't know! Oh, gosh. You were in prison, weren't you? So you didn't hear. Okay, well, she and her husband, Milosz, were on the Edison. Her husband was basically the best theoretical engineer Starfleet has ever had, a personal hero of mine, his work was just... wow! And apparently a lot of it was classified, so, if I ever had the security clearance, just think the sort of things..."

"Tilly," said Burnham, mildly impatient.

"Right, sorry. They were on the Edison, and at the Battle of the Binary Stars, the Edison was..." Tilly trailed off, looking at Burnham with concern.

"I know what happened to the Edison," said Burnham unemotionally. She knew the fates of every ship at the Battle of the Binary Stars and felt the weight of all eight thousand of the lives lost. Sometimes a Vulcan upbringing had its advantages.

"But you don't know what happened on the Edison. They were trapped in a sealed compartment, and he had been pinned or cut in half or something, and she cut off his head and attached it to an artificial heart. When they found them, he was just screaming and screaming and screaming. I heard they froze his head."

Burnham forced herself to eat another forkful of mashed squash, suddenly not feeling quite so hungry.

Tilly continued, "They charged her with, I think, gross negligence, torture, and experimenting on him? And John Groves was her lawyer, and he got her acquitted on all charges, but everyone says she should have been convicted on at least one charge. No one knows what she's working on, except that John Groves is involved, which is really weird because he's not a scientist? So maybe it's because he's supposed to be making sure she doesn't violate all standards of ethics again." Tilly's shook her head as if erasing this entire conversation from her mind. "Henderson thinks they got secretly married or something, but can you imagine marrying someone who did something like that to her first husband? And the captain's always checking on their research. It's a huge mystery. Actually, I tried to sit with them one time and they gave me the dirtiest looks..."

Burnham listened to Tilly prattle on with half an ear and glanced at the trio in the corner. For every one of Lorca's promised miracles, there seemed to be two mysteries.

Burnham walked by Lab 26 three times over the next two days. Each time the door was guarded, the first time by a giant blonde with a perpetual scowl. The second time, the blonde was joined by the freckled man from the dining hall, and the third time, the freckled man was accompanied by a dark-haired man about Burnham's age. On this third pass, the freckled man confronted her.

"Specialist Burnham," he said, revealing the presence of an accent in his biting tone. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No, sir," said Burnham, feigning innocence. "I was just on my way to—"

"Oh, I'm sure you were," he said. "You should try finding another route. Ship's a big circle, you know, so no matter which way you go, you'll reach your destination. Mind you do that without passing by here so much, eh?"

"Yes, sir," said Burnham, and proceeded on.

Part 63

#Star Trek #Discovery #fanfic #fanfiction #Gabriel Lorca #Captain Lorca #Michael Burnham #Hugh Culber #Sylvia Tilly #Merkin the Tribble

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atlas-affogato · 7 years ago

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Two Idiots In Love

I would like to thank @speedygal for encouraging me to write this. This fic would not exist were it not for your incredible support. May I now present, my first ever Star Trek fanfiction.

Two Idiots In Love by AtlasAffogato

Spock lowered himself onto the couch with a sigh. His wrinkled hand grazed over the cover of the well-used book he held. It’s brown leather was cracked and faded from hundreds of hands skimming over the surface. Spock sunk back into the couch and made himself comfortable, something that was hard to achieve in his old age. Fingers traced along the edges, before he flipped it open with the care that one might take with a new born baby. The first yellowing page stared up at him. TWO IDIOTS IN LOVE (JIM & SPOCK) His lip twitched up in a ghost of a smile. He remembered when they first got this photo album, all those years ago.

- “Oh come on Spock, we need a place to keep all our photos.” Jim whined, pulling the photo album off the store shelf. He started flipping through the empty pages. “Once again I must tell you that keeping photographs is highly illogical considering that I have impeccable memory.” Jim threw him a look over his shoulder. “Yes, well I don’t so I’m going to continue to take pictures.” _______ Jim flipped open to the first page and pulled out a permanent marker. “What should we call it?” He mused out loud, tapping the marker against his chin. Spock, who sat across the table, suggested, “It does not have to be over complicated Jim. Jim and Spock would suffice.” Jim nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He scribbled down their names. Just then, McCoy appeared behind Jim with a tray of food. “What’re you doing?”He sat down on Jim’s right and took a bite out of his apple. Jim flashed the doctor a smile. “We’re making a photo album.” McCoy peered at the paper and shook his head. “Nah,” he mumbled around his apple. “That’s not right.” He snatched the marker out of Jim’s hand and wrote TWO IDIOTS IN LOVE above their names. He pulled back, but then as an afterthought but parenthesis around their names. McCoy gave them both a quick smirk. “I fixed it.” He took another bite of his apple.-

Spock found himself missing Doctor McCoy more often these days. The house had been quiet ever since Jim passed, and thoughts of their days in Starfleet arouse frequently. He gazed down at the album. It was old fashioned, and there were many better ways to store images, but Jim had insisted on a photo album from an antique shop, claiming that he was “just behind the times like that.” He flipped open to the first picture. It was an image of Jim holding a tribble close to his face, gazing at the creature lovingly. It was from their time on shore leave; a merchant was selling them and Jim could not resist.

- “Jim I do not think-” “Oh relax Spock, it doesn’t bite.” Jim plucked a tribble off the table and lifted it in his hands. The small creature cooed at Jim, snuggling down on to his hand. A wide grin split across Jim’s face. “Spock, take a picture.” Spock considered arguing, but the loving expression Jim wore could not be resisted. He pulled out a camera and snapped a picture of Jim with the tribble. Jim glanced up at Spock. “Come on Spock, hold it.” Spock shook his head. “Jim, I do not think that is wise.” Jim rolled his eyes affectionately, and placed the tribble in his hands. Spock opened his mouth to argue, but he found himself unable to speak when faced with this adorable creature. The tribble snuffled a bit, shuffling on Spock’s hands. A small smile creeped up on Spock’s face. He looked up at Jim. Jim was watching him, affection written across his face plain as day. Jim did not look away or blush when caught watching, only chuckled and pulled Spock into a side hug. He delicately pulled the tribble away from Spock and set it back on the table. “See?” Jim kept one arm locked around Spocks. “What did I tell ya?” He grinned at Spock and pulled him into a chaste kiss. “I told ya you would love tribbles.”-

Spock traced Jim’s face with a loving hand. How he missed Jim. Gaining a grip on his emotions, Spock flipped to the next picture. And barely contained a laugh. The next image had a young Spock sitting in a chair, frowning deeply, as Doctor McCoy shaved his head.

- “How did you even get gum in your hair?” McCoy asked, expecting the back of Spock’s head. “An adolescent spit his gum at me on my walk back to the ship.” Spock stated with thinly veiled malice. Jim was stuck between feeling bad for Spock and laughing his head off, so he stayed in an awkward limbo of biting his lip and smirking. “Well,” McCoy sighed. “I can’t just cut out a chunk of hair, you’ll look ridiculous, although you don’t have much trouble with that.” Spock gave the doctor a look that clearly said that he was not amused. McCoy continued. “I’m going to have to buzz it all off.” Spock stared at McCoy with wide eyes. “Excuse me Doctor McCoy, human pranks elude me.” McCoy shook his head. “This isn’t a prank Spock. I thought we could use a hair product, but with your Vulcan heritage, I’m afraid the acidity of human hair products would burn off all your hair. Better to cut it.” Spock looked away, instead opting to stare at the floor. “Are you going to be okay with that Spock?” Jim asked in a gentle tone. Spock looked up, and nodded. “Yes. We have no other option.” Jim nodded and grabbed a chair. “Here. Sit here.” Spock obeyed and sat in silence as McCoy shaved his entire head.-

Spock winced. He had hated his hair buzzed, and it was obvious to everyone how much he despised having a buzzed head. He remembered walking onto the bridge for the first time and hearing Sulu choke on his drink. It was awful for months until it finally grew back to the standard length. Spock was happy to turn to the next page. The next page held pictures of the entire bridge team, Doctor McCoy, and Mr. Scott eating ice cream that Uhura had made. They were all laughing and smiling, chocolate covering faces.

- “When did you learn how to make ice cream?” Jim stared, dumbfounded, as Uhura scooped him homemade chocolate ice cream. She rolled her eyes. “It’s not that hard. And I used a machine anyways, which comes with instructions and recipes. All I did was put in ingredients.” “Still,” Sulu murmured, chomping down on ice cream. “It’s really impressive.” Jim took his bowl and sat down at the table in Mess that he always occupied. McCoy sat next to him, pouring chocolate syrup into his ice cream. Chekov sat on McCoy’s other side, who was shoving his face full of vanilla ice cream. Spock sat across from Jim and watched as he shoved spoonful after spoonful down his throat. Spock arched an eyebrow. Uhura sat next to Spock, across from McCoy and peered at him. “Do you not want any Spock?” Spock turned to face her. “I’ve never consumed ice cream, and do not wish to start now.” The entire table went silent. Everyone turned to stare at Spock. “You’ve NEVER had ice cream?!” Scotty exclaimed. Spock blinked. “Ice cream is a human invention and having been raised on Vulcan I can not say that I have ever eaten ice cream.” Uhura shook her head and stood up. “Nope. I’m not letting you get away with this. You are eating ice cream.” She walked over to the counter and filled another bowl with chocolate ice cream. She snagged a spoon from a drawer and set both in front of Spock. Spock gazed up at her, but she just crossed her arms and stared back at him. Spock looked down the table to see everyone watching him expectantly. “I do not wish-” he started, only to be cut off. “Eat it!” “Don’t give us any of that, Spock!” “It’s really good, just try it.” Spock stared down at the bowl, and picked up his spoon. He didn’t move. “Eat, eat, eat, eat.” Jim started up a chant, soon followed by McCoy, Scotty, and everyone else.Uhura started banging on the table. “EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT.” Spock held up a hand, signaling for them to stop. He lifted his spoon and scooped some ice cream. He brought the spoon to his lips and sniffed it. Having no scent, Spock was wary, but he ate it anyways. The entire table cheered as you downed his first spoonful. “Well?” Jim asked expectantly. Spock swallowed before responding. “It is much colder than I was expecting.” “Do you like it is the question.” McCoy stated. Spock nodded. “Yes, it is quite tasty.” He took another bite. Satisfied with his answer, everyone returned to their ice cream with warm smiles. They continued on for a few minutes until Spock stifled a whimper, moving the ice cream around in his mouth before swallowing. He closed his eyes and shook his head, hoping to disperse the awful feeling in his head. “You okay Spock?” Jim inquired. Spock shook his head, eyes still squeezed shut. “No. It seems that I have a headache, but this is unlike any headache I have had in the past.” Jim laughed. Spock frowned and opened his eyes. “I do not believe that this is any laughing matter, Jim.” Jim laughed again and McCoy chuckled. “The Vulcan’s got a brainfreeze.” McCoy laughed. This concerned Spock. “Brainfreeze?” That did no sound pleasurable in the slightest. “Yeah.” McCoy waved his hands around as he spoke. “It’s when you eat ice cream too fast-” “How do I get rid of it?” Spock interrupted, holding his head in his hands. McCoy chuckled. “Put your thumb on the roof of your mouth.” Spock threw him a look that said he didn’t believe him. “It works, believe me.” Not knowing what else to do, Spock stuck his thumb on the roof of his mouth. Which, surprisingly, did work. Once the headache had withdrawn, Spock removed his thumb from his mouth. “Thank you Doctor McCoy.” McCoy nodded back at him, and they continued to finish their ice cream.-

Spock smiled, fully this time. That was a great day. Throughout their marriage Jim had always insisted that they kept their freezer stocked with gallons of ice cream. Spock gazed down at his friends once more and shut the book. He had not been expecting the flood of emotions upon opening the book. Spock leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. After everyone has gone, he remained. Without friends, without a husband. Without youth. Spock shifted into a more comfortable position and took a deep, rattling breath. No more time spent alone. Spock relaxed and let nature return him to the ones he loves.

#star trek #spock #aged spock #jim kirk #spirk #space husbands #my writing #fanfiction

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imagineangryspacegrump-blog · 8 years ago

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Drunken Dancing

Prompt: Reader gets drunk af and gets a little out of hand. (Refer to this for most of the scene. Watch it. It’s well worth your time)

Warnings: Crack fic because that's really what that scene was, along with fluff at the end

Word Count: 2,157

A/n: Did I just randomly write this to take some stress away? Better believe it. *Some of the original ideas belong to my friend who has yet to get a tumblr*

It was a peaceful, laidback kind of night on a planet who's name you couldn't pronounce for the life of you. You and the Enterprise crew were taking a quick, unexpected shore leave so the Enterprise could get a few mechanical fixes and cool its core. The planet was a nice one, and their technology was terrific, but there was one flaw. It was way overpopulated.

The congested sky’s and streets were horrible to get through, and you couldn't walk 3 feet before bumping into someone. The massive population made finding temporary rooming for every person on the Enterprise impossible. So, to many people's dismay, everyone was forced to share hotel rooms with one or more people.

You, of course, got stuck rooming with CMO, Leonard McCoy. He refused to room with more than one person, so it was just you and him. Some how, some way, you were given one of the nicest, largest hotel rooms in the building.

The honeymoon suite.

You were embarrassed, sure, but you weren't complaining. The room was pristine and beautiful. A master bathroom was connected to a slightly separated master bedroom, and a tiny kitchen was connected to a living space. Complete with a wine cabinet, ceiling high. It was more like an apartment than a hotel. There was only one bed, but you decided you'd fight that battle when it presented itself. For now, a drink was in order.

After picking a random bottle of some sort of alcohol from the cabinet, you grabbed two glasses and walked over to where Leonard sat in a chair. A large array of hypos sat in a line in front of him and a tribble dummy sat beside them (he refused to use real tribbles because he didn't believe in testing creatures and he was also afraid of it repopulating some how). The test dummy was made to react like a tribble would and was mainly used to test different medications to see the effects of it. He was testing all the medication on the dummy and taking notes on a PADD in his lap. Currently, the small, fake thing was shaking uncontrollably, probably a reaction to one of the hypos.

As you sat down on a chair across from him, you said, "Can you please stop testing on that poor thing?"

He glanced up and shook his head before typing something. "The 'poor thing' is fine. It's just a side effect."

Huffing, you set the glasses and alcohol bottle down on the coffee table between you and the doctor before uncapping the top and pouring a small amount of the amber liquid into the two glasses.

Knowing Leonard, he'd probably enjoy a drink. You weren't super close with the man, but you knew each other from the time he spent on the bridge with the Captain. The relationship was mostly professional, but there was the occasional casual chat every now and then. There was a small amount of attraction toward him that only seemed to grow as time went on, but you decided against telling him, so you never said anything. A friendship would have to do.

"Brandy?" you asked, nudging one of the glasses over to him.

He eyed the glass for a second before gesturing to the bottle of the stuff. Raising a brow and wondering if he was actually going to drink from the bottle instead, you slid it over to him. He picked it up and studied the label on the front that was in a language you couldn't recognize. Not able to decipher it either, he uncorked the bottle and took a nice whiff of the liquid and retaliated quickly.

"Jesus. Smells like something the devil himself could get drunk on. No thanks, I'd like to keep my taste buds. Also, I'd rather not go to work tomorrow with a head-splitting hangover. I suggest you don't drink any either, and go for something more your speed. Like orange juice."

You had never before seen Leonard turn away from the promise of a good drink so this came as a surprise to you. Also, his comment got you a little fired up. You could hold your own when it comes to drinking (or so you thought). To prove a point, you took your glass and downed the entire thing, and downing his untouched glass as well.

Leonard watched with a half amused, half concerned expression as your eyes widened. The drink was the strongest thing you had ever tasted and it burned immensely when going down. It immediately got you lightheaded and delirious.

The CMO's eyes followed your staggering form as you made your way into the bedroom and disappeared from his line of sight. Deciding to ignore you, he turned back to his work and was going to administer another hypo into the dummy but a song stopped him. It was an old one and he couldn't tell you the name or artist, but he'd heard you listening to it when you were working late into the night.

In the large open doorway between the room and the living space, you danced around with a pair of old sunglasses over your eyes and a feathery scarf draped on your shoulders. Leonard tried to focus on his work, but the music and your drunken scuttling kept distracting him and he couldn't focus. Running a hand down his face, he set the PADD on the coffee table and turned to walk into the bedroom and pass you, who was spinning.

Before he could get passed, you slid in front of him and blocked his retreat. When he stepped the other way to attempt to walk past you again, you blocked his path.

"I want to go to bed, please turn this retro crap off and get sober." His tone was tired and slightly annoyed, but he couldn't help but enjoy how completely screwed over you were. Not to mention how great your legs looked in the short spandex you wore.

"It's no fun dancing by myself." You propped the sunglasses up in your hair and looked at him. "I need a partner."

Leonard rolled his eyes at you, lightly shook his head and gave a plain and simple, "No."

You squinted your eyes and looked at him. "'No', as in you can't dance? Or you don't want to."

Half his lip pulled up in a smile. "Let's call it both."

In your drunken, no-shits-given state, you grabbed his hands and swayed the two of you back and forth. Leonard didn't rock with you, but didn't pull away either, and dealt with your shenanigans. You took your scarf and draped it over his neck before going back to 'dancing' with him. Pushing his arm up, you twirled underneath his arm before, rather harshly, stomping on his feet.

The slightly happy mood was instantly wiped away. Leonard grunted and sucked a deep breath through his teeth, shaking his foot out and glaring at you with such malice, it nearly set you on fire.

You muttered a slurred 'Sorry. I'm sorry', before grabbing his hands again and moving around. He slightly calmed down again and watched your ridiculous dancing until you stomped on his other foot. On purpose this time.

He growled again while you twirled away with a sloppy smile. With the bottle in hand, you took another swig and held it out to him. "Still no drink?"

Once he regained his balance, he pointed at you and growled a deep, "Don't you make me put you over my knee." It came out a lot less threatening, and more of a 'Let's go have sex' kind of tone. He was glad you were drunk; otherwise he'd probably go bury himself in his grave right then.

You set the bottle of alcohol on a nightstand and whipped around to face him. "So you don't want to dance," You took the sunglasses from your head and threw them on the bed. "But you do want to wrestle?"

His brows creased in confusion and he slowly shook his head. "No, I didn't say that."

Before he could blink, you had charged at him and basically head-butted him in the stomach, arms wound tightly around his waist. The sudden attack made him lose balance, so you both tumbled back and over the back of the chair he once sat on. Leonard was swearing up a storm when you continued to roll the both of you all over the floor. When Leonard managed to pin you to the floor, you kneed him in the crotch and flipped him over. If anyone were walking by, they would probably think elephants were rampaging inside the room from the amount of thuds and bangs sounded.

After knocking over nearly all the furniture and breaking a few glass lamps, the wrestling stopped when you had him pinned to the floor. Your hands were on either side of his head, legs straddling his hips and faces nearly touching. He was tightly gripping your forearms, probably as a precaution if you attacked him again.

The song continued playing, and with every second, your hands slipped an inch, dropping you closer and closer to his face. Your deep breathing intermingled with each other and the closer you got, the lower his eyelids became.

Leonard had mentally been imagining this moment for a while now, and even though you weren't really in your right mind, he was still a little excited. When he knew you weren't going to attack him, he slowly let go of your forearms and traced his hands up your arms, across your shoulders, and down to rest on your waist.

You were close enough now, for your noses to be touching and lips very lightly brushing each other. Leonard fully expected you to kiss him, but instead, you very slowly started to trail your lips over his cheek and down his jaw.

Brow creasing in confusion, he stared at the ceiling as he felt you sigh and bury your face in his neck. He waits anxiously for something to happen, like a kiss or a bite, but nothing did. He started to hear snoring instead.

You fell asleep.

He didn't say anything, but he threw his hands up in exasperation. Now what? A grown woman/man was sleeping on him, made completely of dead weight and alcohol.

Deciding he'd rather not stay on the floor for who knows how long, he'd have to move. He wrapped one arm around your waist, and the other under your arm and over your upper back, cupping the back of your neck. He had some experience carrying people heavier than children or babies. Whenever visiting his daughter, she'd always fall asleep on the couch, and he'd have to move her to her bed. Also, he'd learned in medical school too.

Sitting and standing up with you clinging to his front was difficult, and he nearly fell twice, but he managed to stand eventually. You were still knocked into tomorrow; so all the jostling didn't wake you. Leonard slowly walked into the bedroom and leaned down to place you on the bed.

Instantly sinking into the bedding, you unconsciously sighed in content, at which Leonard smiled. After taking his arms out from under you, he moved to walk away, but was stopped by your hand that was gripping his tunic. He was hesitant to remove your hand, but he eventually did pull your fingers from his shirt and rest your hand on the bed.

"You're a handful. You know that?" He said softly. He leant over and kissed your forehead before walking back to his work.

He stayed up for a while, and when it came time to go to bed himself, he grabbed a pillow and blanket and moved to the couch. As much as he wished he could join you, he still didn't really know what your relationship was with him. Hopefully something nice would blossom, but he'd just have to wait.

Bonus: You did have a killer headache the next day AND you remembered all the drunken events from the night before. Leonard and yourself explored everything your newfound love had to offer that night.

*I DON'T own The Man From U.N.C.L.E. if you thought I did for some odd reason. *

Tags: @outside-the-government @feelmyroarrrr @hellhoundsandunicorns @captian-hannah-kirk

#Leonard Bones McCoy #Leonard McCoy #leonard HORATIO mccoy #leonard h mccoy #leonard mccoy x reader #Bones #bones imagine #star trek reboot #bones x reader #bones imagines #star trek #star trek reader insert #star trek imagines #star trek oneshot #the man from uncle

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samanthasroberts · 6 years ago

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5 Movie Easter Eggs That Are Hidden In The Real World

Easter eggs aren’t just the delicious chocolate treats Jesus brought back from the afterlife. They’re also hidden tidbits of awesomeness for those patient enough to look in places like video games and DVDs (those pancake-shaped movie things we all used to love). Well, as it happens, even our crappy old planet has some fun pop culture goodies tucked away. Luckily for you, we’re here to save you the trouble of aimlessly wandering the globe, and simply tell you about how …

Someone Has A Friggin’ X-Wing In Their Backyard

One doesn’t typically encounter Star Wars props out in the wild, unless you count a food court as the wild and George Lucas as a prop. But thanks to social media’s ever-watchful, Sauron-like eye on our world, fans have spotted a full-sized X-Wing chilling in a random backyard, like some alternate version of The Last Jedi wherein Luke eschewed squatting in a filthy hut on an rocky island for sipping G&Ts poolside at a swank country estate.

Bing MapsHis neighbors aren’t fond of his way of retrieving milk.

Reddit users also shared photos of the iconic spacecraft, housed on private property in Oakton, Virginia. Since Star Wars enthusiasts aren’t known for their tact and reserve (see: Mark Hamill’s monthly Purell bill), some fans hiked out there to get a closer look. They at least kept a safe distance so as not to alert the homeowner’s security, which is presumably some kind of Rancor.

Unknown / r/StarWarsMost people come away muttering something about this not being the X-Wing they were looking for.

And if you’re wondering why R2-D2 hasn’t been in the Disney movies much, it’s probably because he’s apparently stuck in small-town Virginia.

Unknown / r/StarWarsHe’s gained some weight since the ’80s, and they’d have to call the fire department to pry him out.

It isn’t clear whether the ship is a fan-made replica or a priceless original prop that’s being left out in the rain, kind of the nerd equivalent of lighting a cigar with a $100 bill. But until the day garden gnomes pool their resources to take down a moon-sized battle station, it’s the coolest lawn ornament around.

Jason Voorhees Is Lurking In A Minnesota Lake

Movie monsters are typically found on the big screen, in the nightmares of children, and sometimes awkwardly popping by the occasional hip-hop video. So you can imagine it would be pretty unnerving to stumble across one in real life. Especially if it’s somewhere completely unexpected. Like, say, at the bottom of a lake.

Friday The 13th Part XIII: Jason Takes A Bath spoilers.

Yes, that’s everyone’s favorite hockey enthusiast turned undead murder fiend Jason Voorhees, best known for the Friday The 13th franchise. And while you might think that after seeing him in lame talk show appearances and myriad shitty sequels, Jason isn’t scary anymore, well, that’s probably because you never ran into him while scuba diving. Which is unfortunate, because some devoted fan/lunatic with access to a snorkel put a life-sized Jason statue deep in a lake in Crosby, Minnesota.

The reason, other than the fact that it’s inherently funny to give divers involuntary diarrhea? The lake in question is called “Crystal Lake,” as in the same name as the lake from Friday The 13th. And since pulling off this stunt at the original filming location would involve dragging a corpse-like dummy through a herd of impressionable Boy Scouts, going with some random Minnesota lake with the same name seems like a good strategy.

Jason has been underwater since 2013, and more recent footage shows that he’s starting to look a little waterlogged and gross, like that Sea Monkey you left to rot in your childhood bedroom. Still, he remains, complete with his machete and anchored by a chain — seemingly a reference to the end of Friday The 13th Part VI, in which he is similarly restrained at the bottom Crystal Lake, not unlike David Blaine.

Only more emotive.

Of course, in the movies, Jason is later freed from the lake, goes on several more killing sprees, and is eventually frozen and resurrected in space in Jason X. So whoever this hilarious prankster is, he’d better get some NASA credentials ASAP if he wants to keep up with canon.

You Can Visit A Full Recreation Of Star Trek‘s Original Set In A Mall

Who among us hasn’t dreamt of visiting the starship Enterprise from Star Trek? It has a big-screen TV, luxurious apartments, and in later iterations, you could get hammered at a bar tended by Whoopi Goldberg. Well, it turns out you can visit the original Kirk-era Enterprise. All you have to do is trek to … a strip mall in upstate New York.

Where no man has (willingly) gone before.

Located in Ticonderoga is the “Star Trek Original Series Set Tour,” which from the outside looks like an auto body shop run by sci-fi nerds. But on the inside, you step into a shockingly detailed replica of the original Enterprise set. Exciting for fans and disappointing for family road-trippers who only stopped in to use the bathroom that doesn’t exist in the 23rd century.

CBS

CBSNo one will notice if you “go” in the Tribble room, though.

The tour has everything from the Sick Bay to the Transporter Room, even Kirk’s bedroom — though for authenticity’s sake, they should really add a half-naked green-skinned woman hiding behind a houseplant as you enter.

CBS

CBSThe sheets are completely stiff for some reason.

And of course, no Enterprise would be complete without the glorified man cave that is the Bridge. Guests can even take a seat in a replica Kirk’s chair. That sucker is so convincing that you can practically smell the space STDs wafting off it.

CBS

CBSWait, no, that’s normal New York air.

This Enterprise was built by Trek super-fan (and professional Elvis impersonator) James Cawley, who personally, painstakingly recreated the iconic set himself. The results were so successful that the real Captain Kirk, William Shatner, is set to visit Ticonderoga this spring. And if you can’t make it there in time, keep in mind that this is William Shatner we’re talking about, so it’s possible he’ll decide to live there from now on.

There’s A Secret Harry Potter-Themed Menu At Starbucks (Sort Of)

Apart from the occasional authoritarian puppet government controlled by a shadowy cabal of evil wizards, the Harry Potter universe sounds like a fun place to live in. Sadly, you can’t transport yourself to that world of witches and wizards, no matter how many filthy subway walls you run into. The closest we’ve gotten are the theme parks, which are impressive if you can imagine that all the Hogwarts students took Polyjuice Potion to make themselves look like sweaty, tank-top-clad American tourists.

Thankfully, there is one way to get a taste of the Potter-verse in your day-to-day life, thanks to an unsuspecting giant corporation. For those who want a taste of wizard food but aren’t able to schlep out to Orlando or Hollywood, fans have put together a secret Harry Potter menu for Starbucks. Of course, this isn’t an official part of the chain’s menu, but rather a kind of “hack” concocted by people who know more about syrup than computers.

Also, diabetes. But, like, magical diabetes!

Because Starbucks employees are mandated to cater to whatever insane whims their customers demand, modifying drinks isn’t irregular. So if you look up the recipe online, you can go in and order, say, a Butterbeer Frappuccino, or a glass of Pumpkin Juice. And they totally have to make it for you. It’s like magic, if magic was powered by making customer service jobs even more frustrating.

Still, it’s a fun way to make going to a familiar chain into something magical. And unless you want to pretend that McNuggets are made of Thestral meat, it’s really your best option at this point.

Moe’s Tavern From The Simpsons Exists In Argentina

If porn parodies have taught us anything, it’s that The Simpsons would be a brain-melting nightmare in real life, but that hasn’t stopped some from attempting to import parts of Springfield into our world. We’ve previously talked about how Simpsons fandom in Spain led to Homer-themed donut shops and the legally-in-the-clear “Krasty Burger.” Apparently, Argentina didn’t want to be left out of the copyright-infringing fun, because Moe’s Tavern totally popped up in the suburbs of Buenos Aires.

(Martin Rodrguez y Laprida) Ituzaingo, Buenos Aires, Argentina El mejor pas del mundo pic.twitter.com/dcPASmCnnC

– Lenny (@LeonardoPuw) October 5, 2017

Originally, the idea was to take an old rundown mechanic’s shop and turn it into a bar. And if you’re building a bar from scratch anyway, why not make it a famous cartoon bar?

This version of Moe looks like he’s way more into CrossFit, though.

Even the interior was supposed to evoke Homer’s favorite watering hole. Unfortunately, it turns out that Fox is a bit of a stickler for intellectual property rights, and they put the kibosh on the project. They probably should have gone the Krasty Burger route and called it Toe’s Mavern or something. So now there’s just a Moe’s Tavern-shaped house in the ‘burbs for basically no reason.

This isn’t even the first time someone used bootleg Simpsons merch in order to get fans loaded. Counterfeit versions of Homer’s beer of choice, Duff, have been circulating in numerous South American countries for years. There was even a Duff beer festival featuring a performance from “the beautiful Duff girls”.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Get to writing in your own fun Easter Eggs with a beginner’s guide to Celtx.

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 6 Famous Movies You Can Walk Around In Right Now and 5 Famous Movie Sets That Might Be In Your Neighborhood.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-movie-easter-eggs-that-are-hidden-in-the-real-world/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/02/05/5-movie-easter-eggs-that-are-hidden-in-the-real-world/

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adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

5 Movie Easter Eggs That Are Hidden In The Real World

Someone Has A Friggin’ X-Wing In Their Backyard

Bing MapsHis neighbors aren’t fond of his way of retrieving milk.

Unknown / r/StarWarsMost people come away muttering something about this not being the X-Wing they were looking for.

And if you’re wondering why R2-D2 hasn’t been in the Disney movies much, it’s probably because he’s apparently stuck in small-town Virginia.

Unknown / r/StarWarsHe’s gained some weight since the ’80s, and they’d have to call the fire department to pry him out.

Jason Voorhees Is Lurking In A Minnesota Lake

Friday The 13th Part XIII: Jason Takes A Bath spoilers.

Only more emotive.

You Can Visit A Full Recreation Of Star Trek‘s Original Set In A Mall

Where no man has (willingly) gone before.

CBS

CBSNo one will notice if you “go” in the Tribble room, though.

CBS

CBSThe sheets are completely stiff for some reason.

CBS

CBSWait, no, that’s normal New York air.

There’s A Secret Harry Potter-Themed Menu At Starbucks (Sort Of)

Also, diabetes. But, like, magical diabetes!

Moe’s Tavern From The Simpsons Exists In Argentina

(Martin Rodrguez y Laprida) Ituzaingo, Buenos Aires, Argentina El mejor pas del mundo pic.twitter.com/dcPASmCnnC

– Lenny (@LeonardoPuw) October 5, 2017

Originally, the idea was to take an old rundown mechanic’s shop and turn it into a bar. And if you’re building a bar from scratch anyway, why not make it a famous cartoon bar?

This version of Moe looks like he’s way more into CrossFit, though.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Get to writing in your own fun Easter Eggs with a beginner’s guide to Celtx.

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 6 Famous Movies You Can Walk Around In Right Now and 5 Famous Movie Sets That Might Be In Your Neighborhood.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-movie-easter-eggs-that-are-hidden-in-the-real-world/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182586892477

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allofbeercom · 6 years ago

Text

5 Movie Easter Eggs That Are Hidden In The Real World

Someone Has A Friggin’ X-Wing In Their Backyard

Bing MapsHis neighbors aren’t fond of his way of retrieving milk.

Unknown / r/StarWarsMost people come away muttering something about this not being the X-Wing they were looking for.

And if you’re wondering why R2-D2 hasn’t been in the Disney movies much, it’s probably because he’s apparently stuck in small-town Virginia.

Unknown / r/StarWarsHe’s gained some weight since the ’80s, and they’d have to call the fire department to pry him out.

Jason Voorhees Is Lurking In A Minnesota Lake

Friday The 13th Part XIII: Jason Takes A Bath spoilers.

Only more emotive.

You Can Visit A Full Recreation Of Star Trek‘s Original Set In A Mall

Where no man has (willingly) gone before.

CBS

CBSNo one will notice if you “go” in the Tribble room, though.

CBS

CBSThe sheets are completely stiff for some reason.

CBS

CBSWait, no, that’s normal New York air.

There’s A Secret Harry Potter-Themed Menu At Starbucks (Sort Of)

Also, diabetes. But, like, magical diabetes!

Moe’s Tavern From The Simpsons Exists In Argentina

(Martin Rodrguez y Laprida) Ituzaingo, Buenos Aires, Argentina El mejor pas del mundo pic.twitter.com/dcPASmCnnC

– Lenny (@LeonardoPuw) October 5, 2017

Originally, the idea was to take an old rundown mechanic’s shop and turn it into a bar. And if you’re building a bar from scratch anyway, why not make it a famous cartoon bar?

This version of Moe looks like he’s way more into CrossFit, though.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

Get to writing in your own fun Easter Eggs with a beginner’s guide to Celtx.

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For more, check out 6 Famous Movies You Can Walk Around In Right Now and 5 Famous Movie Sets That Might Be In Your Neighborhood.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/5-movie-easter-eggs-that-are-hidden-in-the-real-world/

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