#treating those as the same is deeply disingenuous

[weedle-testaburger]

people talk sometimes about leftists having a 'one strike and you're out' attitude to media where if it does something Problematic they immediately turn on it, and it does happen and is frustrating, but i think it's fascinating how reactionaries do the exact same thing every time a series has any queer characters or characters of colour in it

[captainclickycat]

So while we're on the subject, here are some other thoughts.

I found Neil Gaiman's online presence - and the more overzealous members of his fanbase - annoying. And please stay with me here, I promise this isn't me trying to be smug or claim I "knew all along" or anything. There's a huge gulf between finding someone a bit annoying and thinking that their behaviour online is less than stellar occasionally and suspecting them of being a sexual predator. I don't think there could have been any way of me "knowing all along" without reading everything in the worst possible faith, which I'm not willing to do and which I maintain is not a good or helpful approach in general. And to people who genuinely looked up to him and felt completely blindsided by the news, I'm really sorry. It wasn't your fault and I hope you can do something kind for yourself today.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I didn't like the way he handled criticism of his work, a lot of the time. I don't think creators are obligated to personally listen to and address every negative opinion of their work, or explain every individual aspect of it that someone disliked. But I felt like a lot of his responses to feedback tended to lean into and encourage praise, while being a little disingenuous and sometimes belittling towards criticism. (And really, why feel the need to respond to everything when you could just ignore it?)

I didn't like the way he always felt the need to weigh in on fandom debates or throw out "word of god" explanations for this or that thing, including when nobody even asked. (Want to know who inspired the "I don't care what the author said" comment in my bio? Take a guess.) Especially when some of them felt engineered to paint him and his work in the best possible light.

Again, I'm not drawing attention to all this in an attempt to claim any one thing was a blatant red flag or must have been down to some sinister motivation. That's not the point I'm trying to make.

But it is one of the reasons that I was always deeply uncomfortable by the culture of hero-worship and "touch not god's anointed" that always seemed to exist around him. Like regardless of whether or not you thought this or that criticism against him was warranted, the way people would treat him like some kind of messiah who deserved nothing but praise and lose their absolute shit whenever anyone said anything remotely negative about him was absurd. Nobody deserves that, regardless of what they've done.

But at the same time... you know, I liked his work. Not just "I liked the stuff he co-wrote with someone else" or "I liked the films and TV shows he worked on with a whole bunch of other people." I liked the books he wrote by himself. They had some parts worth criticising, sure, what doesn't. But overall I thought they were well-written and funny and thought-provoking and I enjoyed myself when I was reading them. Neverwhere is the first book I had a crack at re-reading in a different language, which should tell you how much I liked it. And I didn't even dislike everything he posted on the internet. I thought some comments were pretty funny and/or insightful. I even reblogged the odd post.

And I wasn't all that vocal about any negative feelings I had towards him, because... well, frankly because a lot of the negative feelings I'd seen expressed by other people about him tended to look like "he's the devil incarnate, his work sucks, he's the worst person alive and he secretly hates every marginalised group and people should feel ashamed for sincerely liking his stuff."

And I didn't agree with that either! I didn't want to be roped in with those people. I didn't feel comfortable around them, any more than I felt comfortable around the Neil Gaiman Defense Squad, Working Tirelessly Day And Night To Aggressively Stamp Out Any Criticism Of Our Lord And Saviour.

And honestly I'm not entirely sure what kind of broader point I'm trying to articulate here, or whether I'm just working through stuff in my head. But I will say that this kind of polarising, zero-sum-game approach to criticism is... bad. It's just bad. It makes it so people are reluctant to put forward any kind of nuanced stance, for fear that they'll end up getting pigeonholed into one oversimplified category or another, or it ends up pushing people towards one extreme stance or another out of sheer frustration or contrariness. And it makes it incredibly difficult to have any kind of actually productive debate when it comes to criticising media, or criticising creators. Inevitably people's hackles are going to be up whichever side they lean towards more, and a lot of people with valuable input will inevitably end up going "yeah, I can see how that's a good point, but also the last person who brought this topic up with me deemed it appropriate to send me a barrage of messages telling me to kill myself about it, so forgive me if I'm not interested in engaging any further."

Obviously a culture of hero worship inevitably makes it a lot easier for predators to operate, and I have no doubt that being inundated with messages about how wonderful you are and how everyone who's criticising you is in the wrong must make it a lot easier to rationalise your actions. But I feel like this tendency to paint everything in terms of "are they a pure uwu blameless smol bean angel OR the devil incarnate" is incredibly unhelpful regardless of what side you come down on. The "devil incarnate" crowd can be part of the problem too.

[aurae-rori]

It’s 🦋, I’m back. I have thoughts and opinions and (it ended up being long) broad character analysis! You’ll see what I mean by sounding like a cocky academic in a sec.

—

Dr. Ratio definitely has a lot of elements of gifted kid syndrome. The not being treated like a normal kid, the self deeply intwined with excellence, the being really amazing but never reaching your “full potential,” etc etc.

But the whole idea behind gifted kid syndrome is that those kids eventually burn out or plateau. They lose motivation, or they’ve got unaddressed issues, or they get cocky and stagnate.

Sometimes… Sometimes those kids just don’t. They just don’t stop. Sometimes those kids get continuously moved up to the next level, but every time, it’s not enough of a challenge. Even in adulthood. And these people only get there because they really do care about learning, so it gets really, really exhausting to only hear things like “genius” again and again without actually being taught. At some point you start to wonder if you’re just… at the top already. If you’re the final destination.

If you don’t make an active effort to reach out to people outside that bubble, it’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you’re on a different level. You’re desperate to satisfy an insatiable potential. That’s what the Genius Society is, essentially. People who are labeled geniuses are usually isolated by society, so when they find each other, they come to the conclusion that they’re a unique breed of their own in order to explain how achingly lonely it is with no one to keep up with them.

They aren’t.

That’s why Dr. Ratio is such a good character to me. He’s undergone the same kind of genius-isolation treatment, but instead of separating himself from humanity, he insists on being counted as no different, even if that leaves him mostly alone. And he doesn’t pretend he isn’t intelligent either! He’s not modest, which is very annoying sometimes, but it’s… a lot realer. I mean, isn’t it more disingenuous to have people tell you how genius you are all the time and just pretend not to know you’re smart? He’s not a superior specimen of man, but he’s also not an idiot. He’s a Mundanite.

So in the spirit of being absolutely shameless, I have to say that it feels good to see some actual empathy put into this archetype. Makes me feel less like a crazy person for having the same philosophy and similar struggles.

(Still figuring out an adequate balance of self-confidence and modesty though, the social skills really are the hardest part)

In my opinion, you don't sound like a cocky academic at all. You're explaining your own views on this prospect, and honestly, I really liked reading through this. I agree - Dr. Ratio holds a special place in my heart because he's been isolated due to his intellect, but he still tries to help people and be with them. He still actively expresses his empathy (even if it's in ways that aren't quote on quote, kind) and he does care for others and tries to better their lives and teach them. Self-isolation and isolation from society is absolutely hard to deal with, but seeing him react in that way is honestly really touching and heart-warming. To see a "Gifted Kid" who just kept on going, but who also chose to grow from that experience by choosing to interact with others despite his status.

Once again, really loved reading through this. I believe in you, and I'm glad that you can empathize with others and that you can still connect with others to some level despite going through that. You're doing great, anon. If my words are worth any salt, I'm proud of you for going this far and for trying your best. Please take care of yourself and remember that you're a person outside of your intellect, too. Feel free to drop by again with more takes, because this was really sweet to read and now I have more motivation for my Dr. Ratio angst. :)

[just-antithings]

[warning for suicide, death threats, etc]

I'm really irritated by people who try to claim they're "above anti/proship discourse". They act like they're so high and mighty, they act like they're somehow better. Especially when they say they care about stopping censorship.

All of those "Not anti or proship, but a third secret thing (adult with a job)" jokes deeply misunderstand the issue. Not just because they think "it's stupid internet things" (I mean, hello, the cookie needles thing? The number of actual death threats sent?), but also because a lot of the people who are in this debate are adults with jobs. And they treat all of this discourse with such disdain, as if it hasn't hurt anyone. Ignoring the above mentioned examples, I personally knew someone who committed suicide because of all the harassment they got over being proship.

It feels disingenuous for them to act like they're above any of this. It feels personally painful and incredibly ignorant to treat this as if it were just a silly internet disagreement. A lot of these people who treat the discourse like this would probably count as proship, but even then, I know I can't trust them: if they're treating real issues that affect real people as if they're unimportant and not worth thinking about, if they're implying that it's just kids fighting over this, if they're acting like none of this matters, then I know that they probably would just brush off the massive amount of censorship that's being pushed for by antis.

And the worst part (for me) is, the bloggers I enjoy who say this also try and say they care about ending censorship, meanwhile they're ignoring a massive movement to enact censorship on the basis of "It's just fake internet discourse, who cares about it anyway?"

It's hypocritical, and I trust them almost less than I trust antis, because at least I know what to expect with antis. Because at least antis are (usually) upfront and loud about their ideology, and I know I cannot trust them automatically. But with the people who act like anti/proship discourse doesn't matter, all I know is that I thought they could potentially be trustworthy, only to be shown to brush off the concerns and fears of people trying to protect one of the few safe spaces there are out here.

(Not to mention how the "Antis and proshippers are both way too radical and both are dumb, so I'm staying in the middle and doing nothing" sounds a lot like a recycled version of "The far right and far left are both way too radical and both are dumb, so I'm staying in the middle and doing nothing". Am I the only one who's noticed that? Especially since antis parrot a lot of the same censorship ideals revered by the far right, just dressed up in woke language...)

👆👆👆👆

[lady-wildflower]

I'm gonna vaguepost some Reddit USAmericans real quick.

Oh my god a conversation I'm having on Reddit is making me realise something deeply telling about why I've always hated Jonathan Archer in Star Trek: Enterprise, that show's captain whom I've always seen as arrogant and belligerent.

For context, I'm not a USAmerican. I'm a Kiwi. Our history of colonialism is treated very differently here to how the United States treats theirs.

He's based on a cultural trope that doesn't EXIST in my culture. He's based on the idea that United Earth as a fledgeling, inexperienced nation, would behave in the ways that the early United States does. Inconsiderateness to native cultures and a refusal to budge on 'Murican "god-given" freedoms to let your pet dog piss on whatever it likes and if those sensitive natives complain I'll go piss on it myself!

But to my culture, that just makes him come off as a complete asshole, bully, and monumental cunt. Because in my culture, the entire narrative he's based on is seen as disingenuous and downright evil! And it is most definitely not an underdog trope! Our history of colonial evils was not borne of childlike ignorance, it was borne of a deliberate and malicious colonial invasion, we don't as a country tend to anthropomorphise and infantilise our history that way! No wonder I think the guy's a cunt, he's based on cultural tropes that are complete fucking anathema to me!

Like, to compare nations to children, I'm legitimately having a hard time convincing the person I'm talking to that Archer's actions don't reflect an innocently inexperienced child nation in my culture, they reflect a kid who's a bully and an asshole whose flaw isn't inexperience but a bad attitude! Indeed, he comes off the same way the United States itself does; a bully of a nation with an arrogance problem! To me, a child nation like United Earth pre-Federation being read the way Enterprise intends for me to read it would require it be portrayed in virtually the complete opposite way! To me, such a nation and its representative in Archer would be earnestly attempting to do their best, fucking up sometimes, and actively seeking to make amends - because to me, that's how a newly post-atrocities nation seeking to make amends for a bad past and forge new alliances, like United Earth is, would behave! The episode where they accidentally offend the Kreetassans by eating in front of them, and where Travis makes overtures to explain and apologise, is far closer to that archetype to me! That's how big a disconnect there is between some US tropes and other cultures'!

No wonder I always hated Archer; half of my entire cultural background is based on rejecting the narrative Archer's characterisation is based on!

[willel]

That’s the point, there’s no competition but ofc sttwt has to make up one, and justify it by saying Bob was better for her family… I’m not sure where it is coming from but it’s disingenuous and annoying, let the Byers-Hopper fam alone :)

If you're the anon still arguing that Bob didn't fit in because Jonathan didn't like him, then I feel like you're being a little disingenuous yourself?

Joyce wasn't lying to herself about Bob, she really appreciated him and loved him. Would they have gotten married and moved away together? Who knows, but she cared about him deeply. It wasn't just a front, he legitimately made her happy and she was devastated when he died. That's what makes it so touching when Hopper was there for her quietly as she cried right after his death. And when he gave her reassuring words and comfort at the Snow Ball.

(that's why I really didn't like how season 3 made it feel like Hopper was rushing her to move on when it was barely even hadn't even been a year yet. I feel like season 2 Hopper would've been more patient and understanding. But whatever. Water under the bridge, he's gotten much better and Joyce has moved on.)

Jonathan had a problem with Bob because he was dating her mom and he doesn't like male authority figures. I feel like you're really reducing Jonathan's character by implying something was actually wrong with Bob or BobxJoyce when it was really just Jonathan working through personal issues.

Even Will sets him straight as says Bob is good actually and treats him like a normal kid, the exact same way Joyce feels. (which could've made things doubly traumatic and tragic if Will had killed Bob directly like they were originally planning)

If you recall in season 1 when Hopper came into the picture, Jonathan didn't trust Hopper at all for the ENTIRE season. He took every opportunity to disobey Hopper and do his own thing. First it was when Hopper bluntly told him to say with his mom and not go to Lonnie's. He didn't listen, he went to Lonnie's. Secondly when he refused to tell his mom or Hopper what was going on with the monster and tried to take it down himself with Nancy. The third time when he insists he should go along to save Will and Hopper tells him hell no. Jonathan doesn't listen and happily goes with Nancy to finish out their big plan to take on the Demogorgon. I still remember how pissed off he looked when Hopper told him no.

It's not until the end of season 2 that it seems like Jonathan is placing a bit more trust in Hopper and follows his instructions, but then you wonder if he's really trusting Hopper or is he content with the plan because he's with his mom and his brother.

As per usual, season 3 drops the development of pretty much everyone so eh.

Anyway, this is an ongoing thing. I'm sure once Jonathan heard what happened with Bob, his entire outlook on him changed. The same with Hopper, probably.

It really is just his trust issues. I really hope they touch on those issues with Hopper next season, it will be delicious angst.

Which is why the bickering is pointless, and getting upset at the twitter kids making stuff up is also pointless. BobxJoycexHopper was the most tame least dramatic love triangle in history. Hopper was sour about it yeah, but there was never any direct conflict between the three of them. I don't know what the point is in getting mad at Bob or trying to tear down Joyce and Bob's relationship. BOB IS DEAD! Joyce is not dating a ghost! Bob is probably happy Joyce and Hopper finally found each other and have a family! I think he started to realize that already in season 2. He really was a nice person and he was good for Joyce in his own way, but he is dead. Now Joyce has another who is ALSO good for her in his own way.

Can Bob rest in peace without twitter kids using him to bash people with, or people finding irrelevant reasons why Joyce and Bob didn't work out when he's... dead?

[messymorals]

Schaudenfraulein

Either you didn't understand that I was deeply attached, or you yourself were already detached. I craved your time, and I longed for you even today I do weirdly. You are truly the one who is not worthy to be in my thoughts and I wish that I too was detached enough to move on as quickly as you did, but I could not. This personalized message to nobody is evidence of my rumination, my inability to let go of what has hurt me. I did not wake up one day and choose insult, those emotion's were forced on me and I did not know how to deal with them. Lucky for you and your narcissism it was easy to make a victim of yourself at my expense. I was screaming bloody bitch you terrible cunt when really I should have been screaming schaudenfreud! You so effortlessly and perilously got off on my pain. You made great attempts to make me feel unwanted and ultimately replaced. The latter being the most detrimental to me, because you both clearly got off on this humiliation and taunting that preceded and proceeded our disengagement. It has taken me along time to realize that you held me in contempt long before I did you, which make's sense because of how you tossed me aside, yet sunk your hooks in me to make sure that I did not stray far from your emotional abuse. You made me feel like I had a chance when in reality you didn't have the guts to admit what it was you were planning for me. I suffered your indignation, and if you can't come to term's with that than you truly are a narcissist and a beautiful one. I never wished you physical harm and never perpetrated such, but I do wish death on him. I can only hope that you suffer the same feeling of betrayal ,replacement and shame that you fore sought unto me. Then you will never pretend to wonder what my problem is. I did not want to hurt you, I wanted to be with you and my reaction to how you treated me does not make you a victim. You are a victim as much as you are an instigator, the taunter and tyrant of my feelings. I still feel you and your hockey player friend's eyes on me as my head faced the ground while I walked between classes. Classes I could not focus on I might add, which so fortunately for you, fueled another fire for your shaming. You are not worthy to be in my thoughts, I have not loved someone the same and I will not. I fear attachment because of you. I do not have disdain for you in the definitive term, because you are still at the forefront of what I have to deal with today. You are important in my life although you aren't here physically. I do not pity you, a beautiful smart person who's only setback was figuring out how to eliminate the low self-esteem person holding you back from your social circle/ success/ lust/ love, or whatever was so important to you to be so disingenuous. You approached me once in the train station to ask me what my problem was, then you threw my well written letter in the garbage in front of me. Do not pretend that you care about that because you never did. On the topic of disdain however, I do not respect you and I probably never will regardless of your beauty, intelligence and success. I don't even respect your parents and I will never understand why people get off on causing others that kind of grief. What do you expect though, from a 17 year old girl?

[byunmyeon]

Metanoia

↳ pairing: lee suho x reader

↳ synopsis: this is the sequel to philophobia. the world of red strings is one you haven’t been able to see for a long time, and now that you’ve found your unwilling soulmate, you have no interest in regaining that sight.

↳ warnings: language, angst, angst, and more angst, mentions of depression, mentions of death

— note: due to popular demand, here’s part two!

Something was wrong.

There wasn’t some pivotal event or action that made Suho conscious of the shift, he just knew. This premonition could’ve been assessed as an erroneous inkling that emanated from the vast rift between you two, but you hadn’t given any indication that the lack of recognition from your soulmate was the cause. In fact, you seemed perfectly content with disregarding Suho’s existence.

An entire month had gone by since you confronted him, and the entire situation had passed without further incident. Neither one of you had spoken since that ill-fated day.

However, it was impossible not to notice the drastic change in your character. The way you smiled was different in a way that seemed off, and there was also a certain enervation constantly embracing you. But the biggest difference was your lack of interest in just about anything. Suho might’ve thought it had everything to do with him, but again, there was no clear indication of that.

Nonetheless, ignoring you didn’t make him unaware of the unnamed sensation that had latched itself onto him since then.

It’s not like Suho wanted to notice the contrast in your behavior, but it was something he couldn’t help. Every time you came within a ten meter radius, his eyes would compulsively find their way over to you. Suho was always careful to not get caught staring, although it hardly mattered. It’s not like you looked in his general direction anymore. And even when you did happen to meet his gaze, it was for a fleeting moment that passed by so quickly that it couldn’t even be considered a full second.

Your uncharacteristic disposition made him worry. Not for you, but for him. Suho was deeply concerned that you might expose your shared secret in an abrupt moment of anger and hurt. That’s all it was. Nothing more, nothing less.

To his relief, that moment never came.

Even in the face of all the hurtful things he had said and done, you didn’t mention to Jugyeong that Suho was your soulmate. It was a development he hadn’t expected. Sure, you had told him, no, promised him that you would keep silent about the string that bounded you two together, but he was convinced that you could easily change your mind whenever you felt like it. You hadn’t.

Truthfully, your selfless act made him develop a fondness for you. Suho hadn’t expected you to be so understanding and considerate since it seemed like you were genuinely hurt that he didn’t care to acknowledge the bond between you two. That was the part he still couldn’t wrap his head around. You ignored the red string that tied you two together since the day you transferred without any qualm. Your actions convinced him that you wanted nothing to do with the soulmate bond, with him.

“What’s up with Y/N?” Taehoon wondered one day as he set his lunch tray beside Suho’s. “She isn’t looking so good these days.”

The rest of the group agreed.

“Maybe we did something to upset her.” Jugyeong said with a worried frown. Her pretty eyes drifted over to the lonely girl who was currently picking at her food. “She hasn’t wanted to hang out with us since we finished our exams.”

Suho let his own gaze fall over to you. It was true that you had kept your distance since before he officially asked Jugyeong out, but he didn’t think his girlfriend would care too much since you two weren’t that close to begin with. Seeing her so upset didn’t sit well with him.

Maybe he could convince you to start hanging out with Jugyeong and the rest of the group more often. Yes, that’s exactly what he would do. After all, doing him one more favor wouldn’t kill you.

Most people would say that you made a mistake for letting Suho go. Among those people would be your very own mother. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if she came to find out that you gave up your soulmate without putting up a fight. It wasn’t something you were necessarily proud of, but you weren’t ashamed of your decision. Okay, so maybe refusing to acknowledge your other half wasn’t right or even sane, but you felt comfortable with your decision.

Well, that wasn’t exactly right.

The reality of your soulmate easily ignoring the string he could see was heart-wrenching. More often than not, seeing him and Jugyeong together would cause a stabbing pain in your chest. It would last no more than a second, but it was agonizing enough to have you regretting your righteous choice.

As time when on, the pain worsened and would prolong itself to the point where it became difficult to breathe. There were even instances where black dots would cloud your vision and had you feeling extremely lightheaded. Those times, however, were nothing compared to the occasions when you came close to fainting. Deep down you knew it was because there was a severe imbalance weaved in the depths of your bond.

But you couldn’t be bothered to truly acknowledge it.

Who needed a soulmate anyway?

There had always been an indescribable tension when you were around Suho. Before, you had wrote it off as nerves from being around someone who was as prickly as he was attractive. That was before you knew the truth, of course. You two had never been close, and after finding out that he was the one on the other end of your red string, you were sure you never would be.

Which is exactly why you couldn’t figure out the reason he suddenly came up to you while you were sitting outside on one of the lone benches. He didn’t hesitate to sit next to you, the action coming naturally like it was something he did everyday.

“Jugyeong says you haven’t hung out with her in a while.” Suho said in a slow drawl. “Is it because of me?”

You wished you could’ve scoffed and told him that the world didn’t revolve around him, but you couldn’t. Because even if the world didn’t, yours did.

“I haven’t been feeling well lately.”

It was the truth. Your chest pains were only getting worse as the days went on. It was hard enough to hide it from your mother, you didn’t need the pressure of also hiding it from your classmates.

Suho didn’t seem the least bit concerned for your not-so-well-being, and it had a familiar ache nipping at your heart. You longed to see his face change with even the tiniest bit of emotion. Just so you could feel, even for a fleeting moment, that the bond wasn’t one-sided. After seeing the indifference he looked at you with, you decided to look straight ahead to spare yourself any further heartache.

“Being alone won’t make you feel any better.”

It couldn’t make you feel any worse.

Suho frowned when he saw your unchanging expression. He could never get used to the blank nothingness of it. Not when your joyful expressions had once lit up an entire room.

“I thought you’d be happy that I’m staying away from Jugyeong.” You finally said, still unwilling to look at him.

It made him happier than he cared to admit, but it didn’t make her happy. The entire point of talking to you was to bring Jugyeong the same amount of happiness she’d brought him. If it meant having to swallow his pride and ask you for yet another favor, then so be it.

“She thinks she did something to upset you.” Suho explained. “So I came to ask you to start talking to her again—as a favor.”

His impassive attitude made you feel crestfallen. You knew he couldn’t care less about the bond, about you, but it still hurt to see that he didn’t care to spare your feelings at all. It took everything in you to respond in a strong, calm tone.

“And you’re okay with me talking to her again?”

“I’m fine as long as you stick to our agreement.”

You nodded slowly, pensively. If it would make Suho happy, then you would do it.

“Okay.”

That was his cue to leave, but he found himself unwilling to do so. Immediately, Suho assumed it was because your souls were intertwined with one another which, in turn, fueled the natural instinct to be close to you. That had to be it.

Suho cleared his throat and stood up. “I’ll see you around.”

Sitting across a psychiatrist was something you never thought you would have to do again. And yet, you found yourself sitting across from the infamous Dr. Kwon. The aforementioned doctor was known worldwide for his trailblazing research on the enigmatic soulmate bond. His fame soared when he revealed that he had successfully treated people who were rejected by their soulmates. For an entire year, it was all anyone could talk about.

And like a moth to a flame, your mother was quick to reach out to his office and make an appointment for a consultation. There was a five month waiting list for this, and now it was finally your turn to meet with the prestigious psychiatrist, much to your dismay.

“There’s no need to feel nervous,” he said kindly when he noticed your uncomfortable posture. “Anything you tell me will stay between the two of us.”

You had heard the same thing countless times, but the words always seemed disingenuous no matter who they came from. Even if Dr. Kwon had treated people who had soulmate problems, you were sure that he’d never met someone like you. His eyes were kind, but you didn’t know whether you could trust him. Plenty of the other specialists had also been kind at first until they realized that treating you like a lab rat would lead to a life of fame and fortune.

“Your mother tells me that you were unofficially diagnosed with philophobia. She believes the cause of your condition is due to the fact that you are unable to see your string of fate.”

You weren’t surprised that your mom had told him everything about you already. She had made the same mistake with all the other doctors and therapists. You could deny it, but you figured if you were to become a lab rat, you couldn’t be in better hands.

“She also mentioned that you haven’t been yourself lately.”

Shit. You hadn’t thought that your mom had caught onto your behavior. The simple thought of her finding out the secret you were desperately trying to keep hidden made your stomach twist with panic.

Your shrug was uncommitted as you fought to control your expression. “She’s thought that since I told her I couldn’t see my string anymore.”

Dr. Kwon hummed. “Your mother is convinced that a severe trauma led you to lose the sight of your string. Would you mind telling me about that?”

You clutched the sleeves of your uniform as a way of comfort. Talking about that was something you never wanted to do. Somehow, spending an entire year repeating the story to countless specialists never helped you get over it. Despite that, you knew your mother wouldn’t forgive you if you didn’t make the effort to “get better.”

“Around the time I turned eleven, I found out that my parents were getting a divorce.” You began. There was a harsh edge to your words that you couldn’t control. “They were soulmates, but my dad said that he didn’t love my mom anymore.”

Dr. Kwon nodded, encouraging you to go on.

“This one day, he decided to drive me to school instead of letting me take the bus. On the way there he told me about this woman he’d met like I’d actually be happy for him or something. I got so angry that I just– I just snapped.”

It was silent for a moment before you continued.

“I told him that I hated him. That I would never forgive him for hurting my mom.” You swallowed thickly. “That was the last thing I said to him before we got into a car accident. He died on the way to the hospital.”

You didn’t realize that the moisture in your eyes was dripping down your face until Dr. Kwon handed you a tissue. He didn’t say anything for a while, and it surprised you. Most of the specialists you had seen couldn’t keep their thoughts to themselves after hearing your story.

“It’s not your fault.” Dr. Kwon said. “You feel an extreme guilt, but you shouldn’t. We all say things we don’t mean, and parents know that better than anyone.”

His words were comforting, but his kind expression was marred when he started speaking like a doctor. You only half-listened to Dr. Kwon, not interested in his spiel about how making an attempt to picture your string might help. If only he knew that over the better part of your early adolescence, visualizing that stupid red string was all you did.

You hadn’t realized that your time with him was nearly over until he started writing on his clipboard. It made you feel relieved, in a way. But there was still one thing you needed. You couldn’t leave without asking him about the one thing that had been weighing on your mind.

“Doctor,” your voice was hesitant. “You’ve treated patients whose soulmates rejected the bond, right?”

“That’s right.”

“Has… Has anyone ever died from being rejected?”

Dr. Kwon shook his head. “Most of them complained about chronic chest pains, but they faded over time after they got used to being away from their soulmate.”

You swallowed thickly. That’s not what you were hoping to hear.

“So, if someone were to constantly be around the person who rejected them… it could be fatal?”

This time, you caught the subtle narrowing of his eyes. Shit. He was onto you. “Is there a reason you’re asking me this?”

“I’m just curious. You’re the only doctor who’s come close to figuring out the real effects of rejecting the bond.”

He didn’t seem convinced, but answered you anyway. “It’s possible, but I can’t be certain since I haven’t had a patient who was willing to be around their soulmate after being rejected.”

You nodded, not liking the ugly feeling in your chest.

“I’m willing to keep working with you.” He said, seemingly not interested in the motives behind your questions. “Hopefully, we can reverse your condition.”

“I have no intention of seeing the string again.”

Dr. Kwon was taken aback. “Y-You don’t? Why?”

Because I already found my soulmate and he loves someone else. The truth was on the tip of your tongue, but you knew you couldn’t tell him.

“I just don’t.”

The first time you went an entire day without experiencing the chest pains was the same day you spent an entire lunch period with Suho.

Since the back of the school was now tainted with horrible memories, you could no longer go back there to find solace. Now your new designated safe space was the school’s rooftop. You were content with listening to music and feeling the warm breeze on your skin. It was also extremely private, which meant that if you did experience the chest pains, no one would see.

Your eyes were closed in blissful peace when you suddenly felt a presence beside you. Unaccustomed to the sudden company, you jumped with shocked fear. Once you saw that it was Suho who was sitting next to you, your heart was racing for an entirely different reason. He hadn’t said much. Unexpectedly, he asked you what you were listening to.

That’s how you found out you shared the same taste in music.

The second time you went an entire day without feeling the chest pains was the day you stumbled on a crying Suho.

He was completely overcome with grief that he didn’t seem to care that he was in the middle of the hallway. You quietly took him to the roof where he collapsed on you. The way he clutched onto you reminded you of an inconsolable child—fearful and in need of comfort. You listened to him as he told you about his late friend and his battle with depression.

Your heart ached with every word he told you, but if countless hours of therapy had taught you anything it was that venting could do wonders for the soul. Eventually, his sobs turned into sniffles. He hadn’t let go of you and vice versa.

After that, Suho didn’t say anything and neither did you. Unbeknownst to the either of you, the connection between you two had gotten stronger. There was an inexplicable congruity between you now, one that allowed you to understand and empathize with each other’s feelings.

You two never mentioned it again, but something shifted after that day.

It had been a month since you last felt the scathing pain. Now it was only a tolerable discomfort that you grew used to. You and Suho weren’t close, he still had his girlfriend, but now there were these moments that you experienced every so often. Ones that seemed more intimate than any relationship you could ever have. Those times were the happiest you’d felt in years.

“Things are pretty serious between Suho and Jugyeong.” Soo-ah said when you two entered the lunch room. “He wants her to study abroad with him after graduation.”

This was news to you, and that familiar discomfort soon settled on the left side of your chest. In spite of knowing that nothing had changed, you still felt like a complete fool. How could you be so delusional? Suho had only been kind to you a handful of times, and you were sure it had only been out of pure instinct. It had been because the link between you two had pushed him to do it.

Suddenly, the discomfort grew into that familiar, unwelcome stabbing pain, one greater than all the others you had felt so far. You let out a loud cry, the high-pitched noise sounding horrifying even to your own ears. The dizziness never came this quickly, but now it was clouding your senses within seconds. It had you stumbling into Soo-ah, and you grabbed ahold of her sleeve to try to steady yourself. You could see her mouth moving, but her words were muted. Oh no.

The pounding in your head and the sharp pains in your chest came in waves. It didn’t take long for the dark spots to appear. Fuck.

The last thing you remembered was seeing Soo-ah and a gathering crowd above you before darkness overcame you.

“Y/N.”

The distant sound of your name being called was enough to have you slowly opening your eyes. Your vision was blurry and unfocused. All you could make out was being in a brightly lit place that had you wincing. Where were you?

In the next second, you felt a pair of arms wrap around you. The familiar scent of your mom’s perfume made you relax.

“How are you feeling?”

It was a man’s voice who asked the question, and you nearly choked on your own spit when you saw Dr. Kwon standing beside the hospital bed. His presence shocked you since you had only met him once and weren’t officially his patient. However, you managed to assure him that you felt fine.

For a second, you thought everything would be fine. After all, there was no technology that was capable of determining that your collapse was related to your fractured soulmate bond. That is, until Dr. Kwon decided to speak up.

“You’ve met your soulmate, haven’t you?”

It wasn’t really a question. Your panicked eyes fell over to your mom. The look she gave you had you wincing. Fuck.

“What!? Y/N—”

“Mom,” you said, panicked. “It’s not– I don’t—”

“I’ve spoken with the doctor who treated you. She said that there’s been an enormous strain on your heart.” His voice had an underlying hardness that tipped you off on the anger he was feeling. “That’s why you asked me about my patients the other day, isn’t it?”

You remained silent, and it gave him his answer.

“You know who your soulmate is. They rejected the bond, but you haven’t. That’s why your chest pains have gotten worse.”

Before you could try to refute any of his claims, your mother went crazy.

“Who is it!?” She yelled. “Tell me right now so I can tell him to stop hurting my daughter!”

You attempted to calm her down, but your attempt was in vain. There was no possible way to settle her emotions. Not when her worst fear had been realized. You tried to ease her mind by reassuring her that you would go away in order to receive treatment from Dr. Kwon, not realizing that Suho was standing outside the room and heard everything.

Dr. Kwon managed to calm your mother down and convinced her to take a walk with him. It was late in the evening now, and you felt extremely relieved to finally be left alone with your thoughts. You got all of two seconds of contemplation because in the next second, Suho pulled the door open and walked into your room.

He didn’t say anything at first, but his face was the picture of tortured. You furrowed your eyebrows, unable to understand why he seemed so distraught.

“You’re dying.” Suho’s voice trembled. “Because of me.”

The fact that he somehow found out went over your head. You wished you could say no. No it’s not because of you. But you couldn’t. Trying to reassure him would’ve been futile. He knew. You both did. The urge to cling onto the severed bond would be fatal if you didn’t get help. Despite knowing all that, you wished to ease his pain. You could’ve laughed at your own foolishness because right now it was you who was laying in the hospital bed.

“I won’t die.” You told him feebly. “I’ll leave. Once I get used to being away from you, I’ll be okay. We can both live normal lives.”

Suho wanted to tell you that he didn’t want you to leave. That his life hadn’t ever been normal, and he was fine with that as long as you could be part of it.

“You didn’t reject the bond. Why?”

You looked up at the white ceiling. The tears were pooling in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. There was no point in hiding it anymore. Not when you were hospitalized because of him.

“I can’t see my string.”

Your confession hung in the air like a dark cloud. It was silent before you decided to continue with your revelation.

“I haven’t been able to see it since I was thirteen.” You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. “That’s why I didn’t acknowledge you when we first saw each other. I didn’t know.”

The candor of your words had Suho staggering back. It felt like someone shoved a blade straight through his heart. Finally, everything made sense. It’s not that you weren’t interested in your soulmate, it’s that you hadn’t known he was right in front of you. He couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in his eyes. What had he done?

“I’ve always wanted to meet my soulmate.” You confessed, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Even after I found out that it was you and you didn’t feel the same way, I never wished that I hadn’t met you. I never wished that the bond didn’t exist.”

You knew he couldn’t say the same since the evidence of just how much he didn’t want the bond was displayed in your current physical state.

“You should leave,” you told him even though the words pained you greatly. “My mom will get suspicious if she sees you.”

Only a small piece of your heart broke when he listened to you.

When Jugyeong and Suho broke up, it was the talk of the entire school. You yourself couldn’t make sense of the sudden separation, but you told yourself that it didn’t matter because it wasn’t any of your business.

You only said goodbye to a handful of people when the last day at Saebom High came around. Your short stay at the school didn’t give you an opportunity to make many friends, and it’s not like you truly wanted to remember your experience at the school.

Before you could walk through the front gates toward your new life, you were stopped by the sound of your name being called.

“Y/N!”

You turned, feeling your eyes widen when you were suddenly wrapped up in your soulmate’s warm embrace. His sudden change in attitude shocked you so much that you weren’t sure how to react.

“Don’t leave me. Please.”

For the first time since you’d met Suho, you felt no need to placate him. After everything that happened, you couldn’t go back on the promise you made to your mother. You needed to get better. Not for Suho, but for yourself.

“I’m sorry.” You were sincere. “This time, I’m leaving you behind.”

He pulled back. The pain in his eyes was another strike to your chest, but you knew you couldn’t give in.

“Goodbye, Lee Suho.”

[aquato-family-circus]

I did a lot of Gristol Posting yesterday/the day before and I with how big my audience has gotten in such a short time (1k followers in a month? wild) it's probably necessary to say I do still think he's a shitty scumbag who did awful things. I don't see him legitmately repenting for it in the canon of the Psychonauts universe any time soon.

The game was right in making it clear he can't be reasoned with. He's got rich person brain rot and deeply seeded tryanical beliefs. Anything else would have been disingenuous. If he were a real person I would hate him the same way I hate jeff bezos, elon musk, and all those other billionare idiots. He represents a lot of beliefs that hurt innocent ppl.

So I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking I'm trying to erase that by musing about how to squeeze blood from a stone and force some character development post-game out of him. Treating characters like him as poor little guys who did nothing/little wrong is genuinely something that bothers me in a lot of other fandom spaces.

I think he's a bad person, but interesting/funny character. Anybody who disagrees on the latter half of that statement is totally justified! My apologies to those I believe I've made uncomfortable by not being more clear abt this.

[stopitjon]

sorry for discourse etc. but i'm just reflecting on the deeply suspect claim from certain sectors that when we talk about the anti-ship crowd demonstrating misogyny when they harass people who are 30+ in fandom for everything from writing "gross" fic to supporting AO3's policies for practical reasons to simply existing in this space it's just "white women trying to be oppressed"

i just think that's a pretty disingenuous framing considering, uh, the EXACT same crowd are the ones piling on folks who are NOT white and/or women for writing fic/supporting AO3/being in fandom while yelling "you're a white woman!" regardless of how many times they are corrected

like, sure, some of the people who get harassed are white women (it's a given considering the amount of harassment that takes place these days), but countless times i have seen (openly) trans men, nonbinary folks, etc. both white and non-white be dogpiled and threatened for saying the exact things i (an actual white woman™) said, or even reblogging posts i've made with a comment added, while no one bothers me and the other white women contributing to the discussion. and these folks are constantly misgendered, or told that they don't count as their gender or as a PoC, or are being poor representatives of their race (YIKES) by those attackers. am i supposed to believe all the people spreading the "it's just white women" narrative are completely unaware of this?

or like, could it be that a certain group of people that already constantly distorts reality as an excuse for their own bad behavior has decided that women (and especially white women*) are acceptable targets for harassment and will just shove everyone they harass into that category no matter how untruthful that is, and that treating anyone you yourself have decided is a woman above 30 as "gross" for existing in fandom and voicing their opinion is actually your misogyny (and perhaps a number of other things!) showing

makes you think

*should white women be accountable for ourselves and work to undo what white people collectively have done to make fandom racist? yes. does that mean it's acceptable to treat any random white woman (let alone woman of color or person of another gender) like dogshit? no, you fucking assholes. get over yourselves (especially if you're also white. it's frankly embarrassing for everyone)

[fluffnstuffq]

We all know that the “kin for fun” trend is bad. 

Recently, however, the question of “why is it bad?” has risen in prominence, and thus I’d like to give my two cents on the matter. I initially wanted to give a rehash of the whole “this is a community which has been around for decades, please don’t appropriate its terms because you don’t know what you’re talking about” spiel.. though I know that’s been repeated endlessly to no avail. 

Dozens of times I’ve tried to explain that, though I’ve often been faced with the “words change” or “it’s just a game, it harms no one” argument.

So I’m taking a more personal approach.

I don’t know if my anecdotes will change anyone’s mind, but if anyone in the “kin for fun” community sees this and actually reads through it, I implore you to try to listen to genuine otherkin, do some research, and find other terms that better suit you.

Beware, long rambling anecdote under the cut.

It is hard to believe that, a mere 8 months ago, I was new to the otherkin community. 

I’d been reading about and researching otherkinity in depth for as long as a year prior, though it was as recently as May 2020 upon which I took my own first step into evaluating my own experiences, creating an otherkin oriented side blog, and formally taking the plunge into what I’d initially assumed, from fun “kin assign ask games” or “no doubles drama”, to be a trend.

While I quickly versed myself in the original, serious and introspective parts of the community, I had my fair share of run-ins with those of the “kinnie/kin for fun crowd”. One such experience, over the course of about two-three months, forever left an impression on the way I view the community (and the problems within it) as a whole.

Without naming names, some of the individuals we encountered turned out to be... the practical embodiment of some of the worst facets of this community.

They were the prime example of the misguided “kinnie” mindset. Dead-set on fitting under the ‘kin label, though unwilling to do any research on their own. Faking out of control, dramatic shifts to seem more “valid” to genuine otherkin (more on that later). Willing to go as far as picking traits from other people’s original characters to “customize” their “kinsonas” perfectly. 

However, aside from their merely misguided attempts to fit in (which could’ve been easily fixed if not for the stubborn kinnie mindset), the most scathing of their actions highlighted some major issues of the “kin for fun” side.

In just a few months, we had our identities stomped on and treated like nothing more than a game. 

You see, the “kinnie” mindset is not self contained. It is almost impossible to maintain this mindset and respect the involuntary, deeply personal nature of otherkin history, due both to widespread misinformation/trends, as well as the common plague of stubborn ignorance of definitions.

In most cases we’ve seen, once one steps fully into the mindset that their own kintypes are nothing more than a game or an act, they begin to at the very least subconsciously view others’ experiences the same way. 

This is obviously not the case for all those who take on alterhuman identities by choice (ex: copinglinking). However, in taking on the “kin for fun” label, one immediately disrespects the identities of others by appropriating and bending terms with a history to fit themself. 

And once one establishes that they lack care or concern for the already, dare I say, endangered terms once meant to foster a sense of community and understanding, of shared experiences... that person already predisposes themself to spiraling into greater disrespect and ignorance of the identities of others.

The individuals that we encountered, like many others of this mindset, used their so-called “kins” for the sole purpose of feeling validated, for looking “cool” and as leverage to get their way. Because it was nothing more than roleplay and a brief interest to them, they often treated others’ kintypes as something that could be similarly discarded/”turned off” or reset. As if others’ kintypes were nothing more than characters which didn’t deserve respect.

Exotrauma and otherwise painful memories, while stressful and sometimes nightmare inducing for us, were nothing more than fodder for outlandish “story ideas” and “angst” for them. 

In the cases of these individuals faking shifts, they often acted in ways threatening and even triggering to those around them; though because it was just a show for them, they failed time and time again to recognize the negative impact their violent “shifts” had on others. 

They had no restraint, for both their own actions and the fearful/concerned reactions of others were just harmless roleplay in their eyes. (I do feel like..  even roleplay should have boundaries if the events of a story upset the people participating, and the notion that anything goes, even at the expense of someone else’s comfort.. it just gives very uncomfortable “fiction does not affect reality” vibes. Though, that’s a story for another time).

As our experiences weren’t real to them and never had been, they often conflated us with the “canon characters”, like we and many others they interacted with were nothing more than toys to fixate on, change and push “headcanons” onto, and test the limits of.

And because they didn’t care to learn, because individuals such as these continued to remorselessly fall deeper into the rabbit hole of “I do whatever I want/I don’t care to learn otherwise”, the lack of consideration grew more severe.

Those who “kin for fun” may certainly be experiencing.. something, I will not discount that assertion. Whether copinglinking, a hearttype, or merely a fictionflicker/cameo shift. However, it’d be disingenuous to say that it is harmless for them to continue to warp and pick at terms that do not and will never fit them. For every joke, every dozens-long “coping-kinlist”, every admittance of “haha I was never a serious kin”, they all do the same in spreading misinformation. 

As I see more and more people self-identifying as “copinglink, but using the kin title because it sounds better”, even if calling oneself “a non-serious kinnie”, one wonders... why use those terms if you know they do not fit? Why encroach upon communities of bittersweet memories, of aching homesickness, of involuntary nonhumanity, only with the intention of putting on an act?

Why fight so hard, when directly told and shown how “kin for fun” actively tears apart the already dwindling otherkin community on this platform? Why cling so hard to words that are not yours, why force change upon the definitions of words meant to be a safe haven for those searching for understanding? Why paint “serious otherkin” as dangerous gatekeepers, sufferers of clinical lycanthropy, or those merely suffering from delusions/hallucinations?

Because of those who “kin for fun”, I was initially steered away from investigating my own identity; I’d only seen the jokes, the toxic “kin drama”, the cringe blogs and factkin and “kinning”. Because of “kin for fun”, it took me over a year to come to terms with my own alterhumanity, in all of its facets.

Because of “kinnies”, my fears are proven time and time again that I will come across someone who views my identity as roleplay at best and “childish, a phase, character theft” at worse. Because of “kinnies” and the mindset they’ve fostered, time and time again someone steals my memories, my experiences, my identity, justifying it as creating their own version, like an AU of an AU.

Because of “kinnies”, time and time again I’ve been told to “stop taking things so seriously, it’s just for fun” when complaining about my identity being minimized. I’ve been told that “kinnies”, despite appropriating an already existing community, are the “normal ones”, the “sane ones”, the “good ones” who don’t really believe in all that they boast. 

Some have even told me that it doesn’t matter at all, for all they can see is a trend with no real hold over their identity in the longrun. “It won’t matter in ten years”, they say. 

Perhaps not for them, long after their interest in the “trend” has faded. But for me and countless other genuine otherkin? In ten years I will still be Blixer from Just Shapes and Beats, I will still be an unnamed creature of woods and starlight and faded memories of golden lanterns, I will still be otherkin, and I will still carry the scars of my identity being torn to shreds and thrown into my face like dirt.

I cannot run from my kintypes and never could, even when I was afraid of them. “Kinnies”, in most cases, hardly believe my identity really exists.

What do they believe, then? What are they trying to achieve, scrubbing away the less “aesthetically pleasing”, fluffy bits of this community? What good does it do them to take meaningful, personal words to describe an identity that they can shed at the drop of a hat if it is “problematic” or boring at the end of the day?

One can smile and nod and say that, despite “kinning for fun”, they still respect otherkinity as a whole. And I say, in most cases, that reassurance is hollow. You have already stolen our words, you have already spread misinformation.

This has stumbled into rambling territory, so I leave a few questions, honest, genuine questions.

I ask those who “kin for fun”, what is the allure of words that you have stolen? What is the allure of having the blood of a shattered community on your hands?

As many others have said before, you may find a place in the greater alterhuman community. We have terms for you, as well as many other specific experiences.

Why fight so hard to steal our haven, to push us out of our own spaces, when your own words are waiting for you with open arms?

Words change, yes, but why fight so hard to change them at the expense of others?

[kataraqui-archive]

Johnny Silverhand Meta

Why telling Johnny Silverhand he fucked up his friendship with V was cathartic as hell, more meta that no one asked for but I’m gonna go off anyway:

Obviously, spoilers ahead.

At the Pistis Sophia V and Johnny have arguably one of the deepest heart to hearts so far. Johnny reveals some of his history in the military, how a friend died to save him, how being used as a corporate tool radicalized him, and then gives V his friend’s dog tags as a symbol of his promise to sacrifice himself so V can live. It’s pretty emotional and made me feel like V and Johnny’s relationship had really grown over the course of the game.

Then Johnny asks for a favour, his last wish so to speak. To speak to Rogue and get revenge on Adam Smasher. He asks for control of V’s body so he can speak to Rogue and reiterates, multiple times, that this is ALL he’s going to do while in the driver’s seat. 

Instead, immediately and without hesitation, Johnny goes joyriding. He gets completely wasted, gets a tattoo, drinks some more, makes out with a stripper, gets into a brawl with the bouncers, then fingers the stripper in the car, crashes said car, and THEN goes to talk to Rogue after getting what information he could from the stripper. All of this he does with V’s body. He hands V back control, leaving V sick as a dog, beat up, tattooed, and with little memory of how they got in that state. 

Here’s where I get into my feelings as a player. I felt DEEPLY violated by this sequence of events and my inability to do anything about it. V’s getting piloted through sexual situations with a woman they don’t know. They’re getting tattooed. Yeah, in the world of Cyberpunk, that doesn’t have to be permanent, but it’s still all an enormous violation of V’s autonomy and what he consented to. It’s THEIR body. Beyond that, I thought V and Johnny were getting along, trusting each other, and the first moment V gave Johnny their unequivocal trust, Johnny lied. I felt betrayed. I was honestly so pissed I cried, in particular because Johnny brushed aside V’s (valid) arguments that this wasn’t what they’d agreed to and they could have done all that other stuff themselves without Johnny driving. The reality is: Johnny never intended to just speak to Rogue, he deliberately misled V so he could have one last hurrah with zero appreciation for how those actions would affect V. V who is already sick and dying because of the relic. No matter how you slice it, this is deeply fucked up behaviour.

It’s even more deeply fucked when you consider Johnny’s take on dolls. He’s openly disgusted by the way dolls are used as toys, the behavioural chip robbing them of autonomy/identity, and then their memories wiped so they don’t have to live with whatever depraved crap clients want to do with them. Then he goes and treats V exactly the way those behavioural chips treat dolls, and at first is completely unrepentant about it.

All throughout the story, Johnny reiterates how much he hates Arasaka for rewriting people’s identities. Even acknowledges that this is why he can’t stand the fact that, through the relic, he’s being made to do the same thing to V. What he does in Chippin’ In is hypocritical as fuck, but not the first time Johnny’s done something contrary to his general ethos. Though it’s not acknowledged in his memories because, as Alt points out, they were tinged with Johnny’s bias, the entire bombing of Arasaka tower was funded and backed by Militech; he hates corpos more than anything, but Johnny still accepted their backing when it served his interests.

When you follow that quest line to the point where you visit Johnny’s grave, we get to see a totally different side to Johnny. He seems humbled and distressed that, despite all he did in his lifetime, his body lies in an unmarked grave, an oil field where no one remembers it’s even there. I felt really bad for him in that moment, but I was still pissed. My V acknowledged that he would write ‘The Man Who Saved My Life’ on Johnny’s grave because, despite their falling out, Johnny is still trying to save him. There’s still a bond forged by sharing the same body and what they’ve been through. But when Johnny tries to sidestep by saying that, while he fucked up his relationships with everyone else, he’s glad he didn’t fuck up what he has with V, I wasn’t standing for that. I wasn’t going to let him play for sympathy over the unmarked grave to sweep his betrayal of V’s trust under the rug. I chose the ‘Nope, you fucked that up too,’ option. 

Honestly? One of the most cathartic moments in any game for me. Johnny doesn’t deny he fucked up either. He asks for a second chance, which my V agreed to give him, because even with all that fuckery they’re still close friends. 

I didn’t know this dialogue was what unlocked the secret ending, it just made sense given what had happened and how I felt V would respond. My partner played it differently though, which is how I came to realize that the dialogue you get with Kerry and Johnny is an indicator of your relationship. When Kerry asks ‘do you get along?’ my partner got the response, ‘Not lately, no.’ Whereas I got, ‘The kid loves me.’ That seems almost contradictory, given I’m the one who chose to go off on Johnny for his betrayal, and my partner let it lie, but looking at Johnny’s other close relationships and his general ethos in life, it painted a bigger picture. (Note: I don’t know for SURE that the ‘you fucked up’ line is required to get this, but from various playthroughs between my partner and I, and what I’ve found online since, it seems that this dialogue is the key.)

The only people Johnny considered close friends are all people we’ve seen in his memories, and in every single one he is butting heads with them in some way. Johnny knows he’s damaged the people closest to him. Acknowledges it not just over his own grave, but in various endings as well. I think it’s telling that the memories V experiences, the ones that stick out most in Johnny’s subconscious, all involve some kind of argument between he and Alt, Rogue or Kerry. I think the fact that they stood up to him mattered to him more than anything because they weren’t giving up on him. They weren’t going ‘Johnny’s beyond help.’ Johnny even asks why Denny never tried to fix him. He’s also disparaging of being a ‘yes, man’ in most quest lines, rebellious to a fault. I think V standing up to him in kind garners Johnny’s love and respect more than if V just accepts what Johnny did. Maybe Johnny sees that as disingenuous or even cowardly, but I think on a deeper level he sees it as a sign that V has given up on him too. That V can’t be bothered because he doesn’t believe Johnny can change. There’s also just something really moving to me when two people can express their anger or hurt to one another and still be friends after. 

Anyway, those are my thoughts on Johnny’s relationships and why the ‘you fucked up’ line was so important for both V and Johnny. I really love the way these characters are written, and this relationship in particular just felt really genuine in all it’s complicated glory.

Fin.

[a-womans-rhetoric]

Natalie Wynn's "J.K. Rowling" and Disruptive use of Women's Rhetorical Tropes: A Defiant Reply to Transmisogyny

ContraPoints, surrounded by an opulent, candle-lit set and adorned in witch's garb, leisurely pours champagne into her glass — she's ready to breach the internet's hottest topic of January, 2021: her childhood idol being outed as a transphobe (link here). The video itself being over an hour and a half long, I would be hard-pressed to claim that I could ever hope to cover its entirety, comprehensively, in a single post. So to save-face, I'll be dedicating this space only to breaking down her most frequently used rhetorical tropes, one by one.

Irreverence

"Joanne, I wanna talk to you, Joanne! [Fans herself with a rainbow paper fan with the word "BIOLOGICAL" written across it] What is it about Joannes? I can't catch a break from these people" (00:23-00:29, emphasis added).

Wynn's introductory lines immediately open a dialogue with J.K. Rowling — however, this invitation of discourse is defiantly "irreverent" (reminiscent of Nomy Lamm's punk-feminist style in "It’s a Big Fat Revolution” (1995)). Contrapoints, herself a transgender woman, is aware that her very existence is considered in opposition to the TERF-ideology that Rowling subscribes to. Thus, she's rather playful — even openly disrespectful — with her diction: calling the British author by her first name in a mocking-tone and flaunting her own trans identity to the camera (in a way that would likely offend the fragile sensibilities of a transphobe). Her personal tone (with ample use of the pronoun "I") servers a duplicitous purpose: a simultaneous message of "sit down and listen" and a fair degree of "I don't care if you can't accept me."

"So, now that 2020 is finally over, I think we can let the record conclusively show that it was a year whomst is bad. And on top of everything else going on, truly the last thing we needed was the author of Harry Potter coming forward to announce there's two things she can't stand: bigotry, and the transgenders. (00:31 - 00:50, emphasis added).

Finally broaching the subject at hand directly, Wynn employs kairos alongside her irreverence. Kairos, or the rhetorical use of an "opportune moment," holds incredible weight in the first month after 2020: the year in which the whole world fell into a stasis. Characterizing Rowling's transphobia as a collective "the last thing we needed," is also rather dismissive — she unites herself with her audience with the pronoun "we" and invites us all to groan at the exasperating nature of Rowling's bigotry.

Claiming the Right to Speak / Personal Experience

"This is a painful topic for me all around because, as a transgender woman, I am honestly really hurt by a lot of the things Joanne has said in the last year. But I also know what it's like to be the target of a Twitter mob" (01:36-01:47).

As she begins to touch on the topic, Natalie Wynn claims the right to speak on the issue of Rowling's transphobia — a type of bigotry that directly effects her. However, Wynn also situates herself partially with Rowling in her acknowledgement that receiving Twitter backlash is a terrifying experience (an experience, she argues, that the human brain is not prepared to handle the scale of, 01:49-02:39). In treating her subject with such dignity — and adding her own deeply personal account— ContraPoints creates a credible ethos in the beginning of her video essay. The audience is inclined to listen to someone who has been directly effected by the subject of Rowling's controversy (transphobia) and someone who is, rather compassionately, willing to empathize with those who would wish her harm. Although the generally sassy, glamorous, and irreverent tone of the video still appears soon after (see: the above image), her opening up for this somber moment garners a fair degree pathos in the viewer — we, as human beings, are inclined to sympathize with people who are open about being hurt.

Metis (Embodied Rhetoric)

[The following ContraPoints quote is addressing the above J.K. Rowling tweet, content warning for transmisogyny] "Transphobes love to play this game where they pretend that trans people just don't understand basic biology, that's our problem! As if I didn't start taking female hormones because I'm acutely aware that my body is not the same as a cis woman's body, that sex is real. "[Fictional TERF character] You will never be a woman, Nathan. Every cell in your body is male and has a Y chromosome." Really? That's crazy. How you'd you learn so much about science? You know I don't really feel the need to have a second X chromosome, I get by with only one, I make it work. I actually like the Y chromosome, I think it's a little more dainty, you know, it's little softer, a little more petite. The X chromosome has a lot of extra appendages, and don't you think? I don't need anymore of those, thanks. No trans person thinks it's possible to change chromosomal sex and to pretend otherwise is to argue in bad faith" (08:47-09:34).

If you can excuse my gargantuan quote, I hope you'll agree that the dialogue ContraPoints builds here was just too good to cut short. Within this excerpt, we see Wynn's use of irreverance and personal experience blended seamlessly together. For this YouTuber, the personal is perpetually political — especially when her own identity is constantly taken as an ideological stance. She uses her own expertise in trans issues to pick apart just how disingenuous Rowling's assertions are — even accusing her of "argue[ing] in bad faith" with her reductive claims (later, taking specific issue with how Rowling treats trans-ness as a costume). But, here, she also directly invokes another rhetorical trope: that of metis, or embodied rhetoric. Natalie Wynn specifically references her transgender body as a sort of counterpoint to the condescending "sex is real" claims by TERFs. She cites her intrinsic desire to pursue hormonal therapy as evidence that she — and other trans people like her — are all "acutely aware" that there are chromosomal differences between themselves and cis women. With this salient statement, she then follows with some humor: which, again, utilizes her trans body in her rhetoric. Her characterization of the Y chromosome as "more petite" and playful declaration of not needing "extra appendages" lightens up the often dark tone that arguing for trans rights and liberation can take. The clever points she makes are by no means weakened by her humor — if anything, the audience is more willing to listen to someone who can "joke about themselves" (so to speak) while still arguing an incredibly important message.

Naming and Defining Issues

"When I see Joanne tweeting about how trans people think sex isn't real and they're erasing same-sex attraction and they're silencing women, alarm bells are ringing because I recognize these as familiar transphobic talking points, specifically TERF talking points. "TERF" means trans exclusionary radical feminism. God are we still talking about this? I promise this is the last time. So TERFism is a hate movement that disguises transphobia as feminism. ... The fundamental problem with TERFs is not that they're mean. It's that they're politically reactionary, they want to reverse the progress of trans liberation." (14:05-16:02)

In her definition of TERF rhetoric, Natalie Wynn outlines some dog-whistles that are obvious to her, as a trans woman. She calmly explains to the viewer that, oftentimes in the present-day, rhetorics of exclusion are thoroughly disguised; TERFs, specifically, hide their rampant transphobia as a form of feminism. However, she further clarifies that the specific "danger" that TERFs pose is not from their cruelty — it's from their fervent dedication to strip away trans rights through political means. By specifying this danger, Natalie Wynn shifts the conversation away from empty discussion of offensiveness/terminology, to issues which directly affect the lives of trans people every day.

[This portion addresses the picture above] Also an act of naming and defining, ContraPoints makes a distinction between "Direct" and "Indirect Bigotry." She argues that many people envision bigotry as a festering, public, frothing-at-the-mouth hatred — a phenomenon she dubs "the Westboro Baptist Church theory of bigotry" (20:06). In bringing attention to the human tendency to think of people as exclusively practicing "direct bigotry" — envisioning them as a sort of delusional "other" — she then forces the audience to contemplate the relative omni-presence of the more covert (and possibly alluring) "indirect bigotry." This definition, crucially, requires introspection. By allowing ourselves to think of bigots not exclusively as "Westboros," we're made to adopt a much more nuanced view of subjects (most) generally prefer to keep black-and-white. Natalie Wynn uses her J.K. Rowling case study to complicate this 2D view of "The Bigot," inviting others to more carefully examine how politically reactionary views develop.

Phew, this was probably the longest post I've ever typed up on tumblr! Hopefully, I succeeded in demystifying (or at least adding clarity to) some of the specific tropes ContraPoints uses (that are common to women's rhetorics as a whole). Thanks for reading if you stuck around this long, and my ask box is always open!

[angeloncewas]

okay wildly off-topic but i feel like there's a certain privilege to being able to cancel certain things? now, im white, so feel free to call me all the way out, but ive been thinking lately about how the dream_out space was caused by him implying that primarily black music is associated with drugs. i can see how that could be indicative of systemic racism, but i dont see how its more harmful to black people than "neurodivergent people and children are more susceptible to (1/?)

First off, I don't even know what "on topic" is at this point, so you're all good :D

Secondly, I think I both agree and disagree.

Implying that primarily black music is associated with drugs isn't necessarily an inherently harmful thing (I don't believe, feel free to correct me), but it disregards a lot of important context. The systemic racism black people face is woven into the music they create and pointing out the fact that drugs are mentioned and not discussing the way black neighborhoods are over-policed (leading to more arrests for drug possession) and the amount of time they do for those crimes in comparison to white people feels... disingenuous, for lack of a better term. I'm not quite sure if that's what happened with Dream, but on a base level I don't think it's the same as saying ND and young people are more susceptible to parasocial relationships simply because there's not a more deeply-rooted, cultural context there (that I know of). It's just a statement based in observation.

That being said, I don't think that statement is good or fair either. It kind of compares neurodivergency to being a kid and there's a lot of ableist infantilization that I know goes on with that. It also sort of disregards the autonomy of those groups of people; yeah, they might be more susceptible, but that doesn't mean they statistically outnumber the neurotypical adults caught in parasocial relationships unless you can actually prove that to me. If that makes sense.

"Cancelling" - especially as mcyttwt does it - is very much a privilege though. I brought this up when the Techno stuff first dropped and I don't mean to speak over any Asian who was genuinely hurt by his words, but you have to understand that I'm a lot more concerned about the way I get treated when I go outside than one dude online who made a slightly off-color joke. I'm more worried about the people who look to my Asian parent's white partner as authority because no Asian is worth speaking to with respect than a corona joke no worse than the ones everyone else was making.

Would it be nice if people weren't racist at all? Or like even culturally insensitive? Yeah, of course. But you kind of have to pick your battles in life and most people facing real issues every day aren't gonna go for the iffy statements on Twitter over the actual problems all around them.

[13yearslater]

Being stealth and why I no longer care either way

I spent a large portion of my life living stealth, ie not disclosing my trans status to anyone and I’m going to talk about how my attitudes have changed over the years and how being stealth is no longer something that appeals to me personally.

So we’ll start from the beginning. Unfortunately, in the 90s there was no understanding or help available for a child with gender dysphoria. It was dismissed, ignored, corrected. For the most part I was able to present as I wished although sometimes family would insist that I was a girl and attempt to correct my behaviours; neither approach removed my dysphoria. What I did learn throughout my younger years is how people react to someone like me. I got the very clear message that I should not talk about how I feel, that other people do not feel this way, that other people can and will be cruel. I have memories of other children shouting tr*nny at me; a word that they didn’t know the meaning of but I presume had learned from their parents, along with the appropriate context and harmful intent with which to use it. 

I was seventeen and it was the first time in my life that I was out of education, out of work and had nobody to answer to so finally decided to do what was right for me. I began socially transitioning and came out. I mostly passed as male, albeit as a young, prepubescent boy. I no longer felt that overwhelming sense of deceit from living in a way that felt completely disingenuous.

I decided almost instantly that I didn’t want to tell people that I was trans. I’d spent my life experiencing the judgement and comments of others and that was not what I wanted. I was afraid of social rejection. For the first time I felt like myself and I wanted other people to see me and not to view me as the trans person. I didn’t want to be viewed through the lens of other people’s misconceptions or prejudices. I didn’t want to be an oddity or a curiosity. I didn’t want to sacrifice my own privacy for being the sole educator of those around me. I hated the idea of anyone knowing I was trans and scanning my features for ‘signs’, viewing me as some sort of third sex. I wanted to be judged on my personality, my merits, my values, my achievements and not this one aspect of who I am.

Unfortunately, I lived in small town at the time and my past had a habit of following me around. It’s not that I wanted to disassociate from or deny myself my past, but it was often a painful time for me, a time when I didn’t feel able to be myself and I didn’t want the weight of that to be at the forefront of every interaction I had. I found myself the subject of gossip, I found myself in situations where others would try to forcibly out me to confirm what they had heard, in one instance pinning me down to grab my wallet. I avoided certain activities, I avoided speaking about aspects of my past or life experiences. Ironically, in my attempts to live freely, I was actually restricting myself.

This was my life until I was around five years on testosterone and moved away from the area. It was nice to be in a new place. No one knew I was trans and I no longer had to worry about gossip or being outed. I was seen as myself, as I wanted to be seen. I remained stealth and this was how I liked it, but there was always that gnawing wonder of whether I would be seen or treated differently if they knew I was trans. Is this friendship conditional? Are we friends based on assumptions about me and my life that are not actually what you think? It never felt like dishonesty because I wasn’t being dishonest, I simply didn’t want to disclose this very personal information that, at the time, I viewed as simply a paragraph in my medical history. It was no one’s business and my past wasn’t relevant to the here and now. But I always wondered... would they still see me the same if they knew? I always had the sense that I was holding myself back.

A couple of years later I did a lot of work on myself emotionally with the help of intensive therapy. I was deeply resentful and bitter about being trans and I held a lot of self pity. It wasn’t fair that I was born like this, it wasn’t fair that I had to spend years of my life playing catch-up, it wasn’t fair I was deprived of my childhood and other experiences, it wasn’t fair that by simply being me I was at risk of rejection and ridicule, it wasn’t fair that no one understood, it wasn’t fair that I wasn’t taken seriously as a child and had to go through a puberty that was absolutely traumatic for me. It wasn’t fair that I felt and had to deal with all these things and the last thing I wanted were for other people to know about them or to view me differently for something that I didn’t want or choose. I just wanted to be ‘normal’.

I projected my own shame, resentment and lack of self-acceptance onto other people. I did others a great injustice in assuming the worst of them, that they would judge me, never giving them the chance to show me otherwise. I just wanted to be accepted but if I didn’t accept myself, how could I expect anyone else to? How could I ever know true acceptance if I never showed anyone all of me? I deprived myself and others of my insights, perspectives, my view on life, wisdom, experiences, the things I’ve learned along the way. I held a part of myself back for the sake of others, for the sake of gaining an approximation of acceptance from people who didn’t matter.

Now, I’m no longer stealth. Me being trans rarely comes up in my daily life and is rarely relevant to mention so for the majority of my daily interactions, people don’t know I’m trans. But it’s different. I no longer feel I’m hiding or avoiding it, I no longer feel like it’s a dirty secret; I have no issue if anyone were to find out I’m trans and I’d have no issue speaking up about it if I felt my input was needed. Those close to me know I’m trans, those who aren’t as close may or may not know. I don’t explicitly mention it but I won’t go to any effort to hide it. Me being trans is a part of me, it’s something that has had great impact in who I’ve become, but overall it’s only one small factor in who I am as a person. It’s just not a big deal whether you know or you don’t know. I am much more than trans. 

Being trans is never something I’ve been proud of in itself, and I still don’t think I am, but I’m a point now where I wouldn’t change being trans because it has shaped me into the person I am today and I am proud of the person I am today.

I want to close by saying that this was my experience alone. Some people are stealth for safety reasons, some people are stealth out of preference and have entirely different feelings surrounding it than I do. There is nothing wrong with being stealth. All any of us can do is live a way that feels right for us, and us alone.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP memes from Reddit's r/UnpopularOpinions 1/22/2021

No one cares if your damaged or depressed until you are cute or hot

People who have "no filter" are genuinely just rude assholes

Broccoli is one of the tastiest vegetables, if you know how to properly cook it.

Texting back immediately after receiving a text message should be completely normal.

Youtubers who quit their jobs to do YouTube don’t have the right to complain about not having enough money to support themselves

Fining people a fixed amount of money for breaking the law is dumb because the wealthier you are, the lesser the punishment.

We should normalize paying for your own meal on the first date.

All social media apps are slowly blending into the same thing

It is pathetic for a non-American to care about US politics more than your own.

Memorization does not equal intelligence.

I enjoy biting into ice cream bars with my front teeth

People who hate cats are control freaks

When you get married you should take whatever last name is cooler.

Sparkling water SUCKS!

I strongly dislike those who immediately whip their phones out and video every little public disagreement they get into

The ability to cut people out of your life without mercy is a seriously underrated quality in a partner.

Charity should not be forced onto people

Kids shouldn't be allowed on reality TV shows

People are always concerned about the planet we're leaving for our kids, but nobody cares about what kind of kids we're leaving for the planet.

Fast food restaurants should start offering sweet potato fries.

The groom is just as important to the wedding as the bride, and should be treated like it.

The level of hatred people display over corporations, websites and people making them pay for using a service is abhorrent.

Self identifying as "alpha male" is a major "beta" move. Furthermore "alpha" is arguably not a thing. Let's stop using it.

Platonic relationships are just as important and fulfilling as romantic ones

Being warm, comfortable and cozy is better than sex.

I really dislike sweet potato fries

Icing is better than the cake

I don't take people in business clothing any more seriously than someone in joggers

I shouldn't be forced to love the kids of my friends and family by default

Blowing out candles on a cake that everyone will eat is disgusting.

The F word isn't bad. It's the most versatile

I like eating pasta cold

Breakfast in bed is overrated!

People who judge how you eat things are just looking for a sense of superiority

I prefer to poo in public bathrooms than the one in my own house

Martinis MUST be in a martini glass

Yoga is not relaxing

People that call their parents Mommy and Daddy past the age of being a child, are just weird

Most people on this earth are kind, intelligent, friendly and generally try to do the right things.

Being "nice" isn't enough

Therapy is not a panacea for all that ails you

Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you won’t die alone

Hyperrealistic art is boring

I prefer sex with a condom

Dreams don’t actually mean anything about you

Salads ruin a burger

Boring is good. Being a boring person. Having a boring job. Having boring interests.

Changing your last name when you marry someone is stupid

I eat nachos with a spoon.

Sleeves are annoying and its always better to have them tucked up to the elbow

People are disingenuous until they get emotional and angry

The Bloody Mary is a disgusting drink!

Women would be more willing to be an old fashioned house wife if men actually provided for them

I don't want Godzilla and Kong to fight

People who say therapy doesn’t work aren’t actually trying.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with warming up old tea in the microwave.

Being single doesn't make you worth any less

Whenever someone says “don’t be a sheep you need to do your own research” you can safely assume that they are the most sheepish and unintelligent people around

Falling asleep somewhere random is better than sleeping in your bed.

“You’re so confident for post this” or “You’re so brave for wearing this” is more of an insult than a compliment

Being a picky eater is perfectly fine and shouldn’t be shamed.

People that like watching people die in horror movies are mental

Hollywood has sold itself out and could care less about art.

Every scrap of paper a child scribbles on doesn’t have to be kept and called “art”.

No one can pull off overalls

Robots aren’t ending humanity!

Plain glazed and apple fritters are the best donuts.

Poets have an over-inflated sense of their own significance

Marxism should be taught in American high school social studies classes

Riding a motorcycle without a helmet should be legal and automatically make you an organ donor.

Self love has gone too far

Scars don't look badass

Being loyal in a relationship isn't something you should be proud of, it's expected.

I find shaving your genitals deeply humiliating