#totally bogus brother Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[rubysparx]

I see my irls with like chill alterhuman spaces online like how’d you do that. Dawg everytime I think I found a chill space turns out they have a specific rule that excludes a part of me or what I believe in. And that’s a general statement not a vague thing abt something specific. No I mean what I say it kinda sucks man what da heck. Like if I was as open and like.. unabashed like my Real Life friends r abt it I think I’d get killt. I feel like I need to be a graduated scholar + historian + archivist before I can say anything abt my experience as alterhuman or even like share that part of my… me!! And even if I were all that I still wouldn’t say shit because I’m so mortified of like having that tie to me. Like yea my words now officially have weight in my mind, on the idea that I’d be extremely knowledgeable- but you’re not allowed to know who said those words. Quote me like an uncredited poem screenshot you see in every post about blorbo bleebus

[tickle-bugs]

Welcome back Bugs (my beloved)! For the writers warm-up request, how do you feel about brotp Dean & Charlie and "😤 That's cheating!"/"No, it's strategy 😌"

thank u beloved!!! hope u enjoy this i miss these goofballs <3

Charlie’s new year resolution had been to listen to Kevin more often. He’s usually right about most things. His success rate is high enough, in fact, that she usually would rather chance listening to Kevin instead of ignoring him, even when his thought process seems bogus. So when Kevin tells her with grave seriousness to never ever--with a concerning amount of excess evers--play games with Dean, it does give her some semblance of pause. 

Four hours into the most grueling Monopoly game of her life, Charlie sighs and accepts that she’s totally failed both Kevin and her resolution. 

The board is old and pretty beaten up—Sam picked it up in Mississippi somewhere and brought it back with a few other vintage games. Dean and Charlie are perched like goblins around the board, surrounded by the foil corpses of snacks they’d demolished while refusing to adjourn for a real meal. 

“Ah shit.” Dean furrows his brow and hikes his knee to his chest. 

“What?” Charlie narrows her eyes. Dean holds a finger up and mutters to himself, studying the card with grave attention. He looks at the board, then back at the card, counts on his fingers, and frowns.

“Ah. Shit.” Dean sighs, taking his thumb between his teeth. Charlie pinches his arm. 

“What does it say?” She hisses. He yelps and scowls at her. 

“‘Make general repairs on all your property. For each house pay $25. For each hotel pay $100’. Buncha bullshit.” 

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel. Freedom. 

“Yes! Holy shit!” Charlie shrieks with joy, threading her fingers through her hair. “You only have, what? Like fifty bucks? Dude, you’re toast!”

Dean makes a thoughtful noise as he eyes the board, then his sparse money pile. He’d taken great delight in rubbing his wealth of houses and hotels in Charlie’s face. It was finally time for penance, for vindication--

Dean leans over, plucks the pile of fifties from the money tray, and counts out everything he owes. 

“No! Dean, that’s cheating!” Charlie squawks, swiping at him. He leans out of her grasp and continues counting. 

“No, it’s strategy. I’m the banker and now I’m borrowing a little somethin’.” Dean tips his head back into Cas’s lap. Cas huffs and leans down, pressing his book flat to his chest so he can kiss Dean sweetly. He squeezes Dean’s shoulder fondly before returning to his reading. 

“See? I’m even paying my taxes.” Dean grins, the sparkle in his eye not entirely from being a cheating bastard. 

“Cas,” Charlie whines, gesturing wildly at Dean. Cas’s eyebrow twitches minutely but he doesn’t look up from his book. 

“I am no longer on duty as your banker, Charlie. I’m not at fault if the bank is robbed.” He licks his thumb and turns the page, barely concealing his amused smile behind the worn cover. 

Charlie eyes the small metal cat pinched between her fingers and silently asks it if murder is okay. It does not answer. 

“Dean.” Charlie inhales sharply. “You cannot steal from the bank. It’s the bank. Not your pockets.”

“I’m not stealing. I’m borrowing…forever. Look, Red, if you throw in the towel we can both call it quits.” Dean stretches out a kink in his back and leans against the couch. 

“Sam!” Charlie yells. “Can I kill your brother?”

“Go nuts!” Sam’s reply floats upon distant laughter. 

Charlie considers the board with a twitching eye. Even with Dean’s cheating, they’re pretty evenly matched. They could go for another three hours or so in circles like this. With Dean cheating, she’ll be forced to cheat just to keep up with him. They’ll wither away here on the floor of the bunker l, and centuries later scientists will uncover their skeletons and the dust of the Monopoly board—

“Cas, we need a tiebreaker. Something fair.” Charlie crosses her arms and ignores Dean’s dramatic groans. 

“The first person to bring me a fresh cup of tea wins. Prepared to my specifications.” Cas hums, turning another page. Dean lights up, of course he does. He and Cas know each other inside and out.

Ew. 

“What are your specifications?” 

“A challenge should be worthy of its undertakers, Charlie. I have full faith that your intuition will guide you.” Cas shifts on the couch and dog-ears the page, humming at something he reads.  Charlie’s eyes snap to the empty mug sitting on the end table near Cas. There’s a small purple tag hanging out of the mug—chamomile. Bingo. 

“We’ll have to wait for the water to boil—“

There’s a distant click-click-woosh that Charlie knows to be the stove, then the brief piercing whistle of the kettle. 

“You’d better hurry. The water is already cooling.” Cas eyes them both over his book, then settles back into the couch. Silence falls thick over the room. 

Dean and Charlie lock eyes. 

With a yell, Charlie flings herself to her feet and starts running. She can hear Dean stomping behind her. She swerves a corner and keeps running, silently grateful that she never got up to put on socks. 

“Oh no you don’t! C’mere!” Two strong arms encircle Charlie’s waist and hoist her off the ground. She screeches in protest but Dean’s already dropping her—gently, what a sap—and taking off ahead of her. 

“You dick!” She swipes at the back of his t-shirt and misses. Dean spins by her and stumbles into the kitchen just seconds before she can. He flings open the cabinet and starts reaching for the spice shelf, but she can’t see what exactly he’s grabbing—

With her best battle cry, Charlie launches herself at Dean and clambers onto his back. 

“Wh—hey! Get off!” Dean starts prying her ankles off of him. She grips tighter and does the first thing she can think of: poking the hell out of him. The irritation seems to work in her favor when Dean sways close enough to the cabinets for her to make a swipe at the honey, but she catches him in the ribs and he yelps. 

Oh, yeah. Duh. 

Charlie cackles triumphantly and starts tickling his ribs properly. Dean’s knees buckle a bit but he keeps them both steady, swiping at Charlie’s hands like a madman. 

“This is cheating!” Dean grits out, trying valiantly to block her access to his ribs. She can feel him shaking with laughter already and tries to chase it. Dean slams his arms to his sides and Charlie doesn’t falter--she fits her fingers into the back of his ribs. The dam of his laughter shatters and giggles flow free, then full laughter--the kind that lights him from the inside out and seeps into Charlie too. 

“It’s not cheating, it’s strategy! What does Cas like in his tea? Talk!” Charlie squeezes his sides with vengeance. Dean alternates between clutching the counter and flailing wildly. She clings to him every way he bends and finds free skin to pinch and poke at. 

“Charlie!” 

“Talk!” She yells, burrowing her fingers into Dean’s stomach. Dean fully collapses and they both go down, but Charlie wastes no time launching herself back at him. Dean catches her--unfortunate for him, because she jams her hands right back under his arms. He screeches out an incoherent string of syllables and arches hard into the kitchen floor. 

“Just tell me and this is all over,” Charlie singsongs, wrenching one of her hands free to skitter along his now-pink neck. Dean scrunches and falls smoothly into giggles, each one tumbling over the next like rain pouring free to dance with the wind. 

“Bite me!” He twists and bucks her off, clutching his sides as he sucks in breath. Dean’s head turns towards her, unnaturally slow, and an evil grin spreads across his face. Charlie scrambles back. 

“Waitwait, Dean! H-Hold on!” She holds her hands out in surrender but he’s already reeling her in by the ankle. She kicks at him and he grabs her other leg with a grunt. 

“Cheaters pay the price!” Dean wiggles threatening fingers just over her knee. She squeals and tries to fling herself to freedom, but his grip is unshakeable. He scribbles over every inch of her legs and gives the worst evil laugh she’s ever heard, but it makes her laugh, then she can’t stop laughing. Dean coos at her and squeezes vigorously at her thigh. 

“You’re the one who chea—oh nohoho!” 

…

“Sam,” Cas calls, pulling a blanket over his lap. Sam peeks around the corner, hair damp and 

stringy from the shower. 

“Would you mind grabbing my tea from the kitchen?” Cas gestures in that direction. Sam tracks the movement, then absorbs the minefield of game pieces on the floor. 

“Dean robbed the bank, didn’t he?” Sam chuckles and shakes his head. 

“Mhm. My tea is unfortunately serving his penance.” Cas flips a page and gives Sam an amused smile. 

“Gotcha.” Sam chuckles and winces at a loud shriek from the kitchen. “Want anything in it?”

“Just a drop of honey, please. Thank you.” 

“Sure.” Sam squeezes his shoulder and trods off towards the kitchen. A moment of disconcerting quiet passes before Sam’s squeal ricochets off the walls, mingling with distant yells and demands for Cas’s tea order. 

Cas just chuckles, accepts his fate, and continues reading.

[hjcoolartnerd]

TDA Rewrite Episode 4: Beach Blanket Bogus

Previous Episode: Riot on Set

Recap Voice Over:

"Last Time On Total Drama Action.... He was a bou, she was a girl. And Last Week on Total Drama Action, a shocking team redistribution pitted them against one another. Our heroine made a fundamental romantic comedy error picking Duncan first and leaving her boyfriend Trent feeling kind of ouchie. Shockingly Ezekiel wasn't the last person picked for the teams thanks to Eric who persuaded Gwen to pick him over Bryan." Chris laughs "With Brothers like Eric who needs Enemies right? Meanwhile two men made an illegal alliance and Duncan's bad thespian skills Trumped Izzy's, well, madness. It was all too much for Chef's tender heart, and Izzy, uh, Kaleidoscope, was clearly a bit too nutso, even for this show. Will Duncan Break up Gwen and Trent's barely there relationship? Will Bryan gain an Ally against all odds? Will the new lock keep Owen out of the craft truck? Will Ezekiel get booted soon after avoiding 3 eliminations? Will my nonfat vanilla soy latte ever get here?" Chris glared at someone off camera. "All the answered... answered right now in another tear-jerking episode of Total! Drama! Action!" The camera pans back showing off the full film lot as the camera fades to black.

[Intro]

Dear Mom and Dad I'm doin' fine, You guys are on my mind. You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see, I wanna be famous.

I wanna live close to the sun, Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won, Everything to prove, nothing in my way I'll get there one day. Cause, I wanna be famous!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na! I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous (Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!) I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous (Whistling in tune)

[End Intro]

The Camera fades back in right outside the Craft Services tent were Eric and Justin were meeting lucky for them they were alone. "Justin... I know with all this Million Dollar madness has been a bit.... draining that we haven't had Time to properly address what happened last season." Eric said in a low tone mentioning the fact that The two of them had kissed right after Justin made Sadie and Katie go into a cave. Justin looked at Eric with a smoldering gaze, his trademark charm oozing from every pore. "Eric, my dear, it's not the madness of the million dollars that's been draining me," he purred, a sly grin playing on his lips. "It's the electrifying tension between us that's been keeping me up at night." Eric let out a sigh, his voice tinged with regret. "Justin, since we arrived on this film lot, our interactions have been next to zero. And now, to make matters worse, we're on opposite teams." Justin flashed a dazzling smile, his dimwitted charm shining through. "Ah, Eric my friend, but isn't it true what they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder... or in our case, the drama grow juicier!" He winked playfully, oblivious to the depth of Eric's concerns.

"I have to admit, sometimes I worry that maybe I'm not as focused on the game as I should be. But then I see Justin, and all those worries just melt away. How can I concentrate on strategy when he's standing there, looking as handsome as ever? It's like he's the only thing I can see sometimes, and I can't help but feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have him in my life." Eric said with a look of concern flickering across his face before he returned to his usual lovestruck demeanor.

"Winning is everything in this game, and I'll do whatever it takes to come out on top. Even if it means manipulating my boyfriend, Eric." He paused, a smirk creeping onto his lips. "And hey, if I need to turn on the charm with Lindsay, Beth, or even Ezekiel to get ahead? Well, that's just part of the game, isn't it? Sorry, Eric, but in this competition, it's every man for himself." Justin chuckled softly,

After that interaction between the guys they went inside of to the Craft Services tent Eric went to do the line to get his slop of the day while Justin returned to his table , Eric Lined up behind Heather as Chef place brown slop on Heather's plate "Now I know how starlets stay thin?" She said disgusted with the food. Harold approached her "I wish Chef would let me in to the kitchen" he said looking at her "I got me some mad culinary skills" Eric raised his eyebrow as Heather looked at Harold "Do you mind? I was talking to my slop!" She told him as she walked away She took a seat and saw Lindsay and Beth trying to pick a table as they just flat out walked the other way Ezekiel following Behind her. She frowns as she looks down "This seat taken?" Bryan asked sitting across from her "Oh Bryan... Great" She sighed "You want to know what's your biggest problem?" He asked as He tried to eat the slop "Enlighten me" She crossed her arms "You did you evil acts in plain sight last season" Bryan said "As a Outside observer... You could have been a bit more down load with your plans." He added "and have a social game that way even if people did saw you as mean, they give you props for your good strategy" She looked at him "Oh really? how do you know?" She glares "That's my plan at the moment... but my team is completely useless..." Bryan sighed "Lindsay is so dumb! Beth is just a waste of a teammate, Owen is a farting machine that got lucky last season, Trent is a bad captain for the team he chose and Cody... also useless... I'm surrounded by loons!" He crossed his arms frowning his voice low. Before smile a bit "But I have a plan for today for my team..." He said "Oh do tell" Heather asked him crossing her arms "Well, I got to keep playing my goody boy act and have the team trust me but also be half bossy... We need leadership and I'm going to shape them into a better team. I did it in out high school basketball team i can do it here." He smiled proudly

"Honestly, talking with Bryan is just another reminder of the target on my back. Sure, we might share a similar exterior, but deep down, I can't help but feel like I'm constantly under scrutiny." She sighed, her voice tinged with uncertainty. "Maybe he's right about toning down the theatrics, but it's hard not to feel like I need to prove myself at every turn. With teammates like Gwen, Leshawna, and the rest of this sorry bunch, it's clear that I'm the one with the biggest target on my back." Heather paused, a hint of determination creeping into her tone.

"Playing the good guy act might not come naturally to me, but if it's what it takes to manipulate this team of misfits, then so be it." He shrugged nonchalantly, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. "Sure, they might be useless in a challenge, but they're like putty in my hands. All it takes is a little bit of charm and a sprinkle of authority, and suddenly, they're following my every word." Bryan chuckled softly, his voice dripping with confidence.

Lindsay, Ezekiel and Beth sat with Justin each to his side as Ezekiel just sat across from Justin. Each girl had a plate, Lindsay holding Bacon and Beth holding Fakon. "Justin Look!" Lindsay called "I brought you bacon" She smiled at him "I brought you faken" Beth began "Tofu's good for you heart" She added "Pig is good for his hair!" Lindsay said "Holy crap! I love his hair!" He hugged justin "ladies, please. I accept both you offerings" Justin smiled smoothly and then looked at Ezekiel before smiling "Just staring at these three cuties around me is enough to get my fill of food" He told the three but his gaze was straight on Ezekiel. Ezekiel's face turned a deep shade of red as he squirmed in his seat, his shy demeanor evident as he tried to respond to Justin's compliment. "Uh, uh, g-golly, thanks, Justin. That's, uh, mighty nice of ya to say," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. He fidgeted nervously with his hands, avoiding direct eye contact with Justin as his cheeks continued to burn with embarrassment.

"Uh, so, lately I've been feelin' kind of strange, you know? My face keeps gettin' all hot, and I can't figure out why. At first, I thought maybe I was gettin' sick or somethin'. You know, like a fever or whatever." Ezekiel shrugged, his brow furrowed in confusion his face red.

Justin began eating as The girls and Ezekiel stared at Justin. As He winked at them, which made Ezekiel almost choke and and Beth gasped and fell.

"If only making friends with a guy as gorgeous as Justin was as easy as making this friendship bracelets." Beth said playing with the bracelet that broke and she almost choked on a bead.

Eric sat with Duncan and Gwen as Trent poured salt on his eggs as the cap broke and lots of salt poured on it. Duncan laughed at it. "Ah, Sorry about the morning Assault!" He said laughing Gwen smacked Duncan "Thie grade called. You're due back in class." She smiled at him "Real mature. Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt?" He grabs a bit of salt and tosses it back and it hits Heather on the face. She screams in pain "Nothing a little pepper won't fix" He tried pouring pepper when it does the same Hehe grabbed spinch and tossed it back hitting heather again as she begind sneezing like crazy and runs off creaming and sneezing. Duncan walked to Trent's table laughing "Are you still gonna finish those eggs, bro?" He asked as he took a bit of Trent's egg. going from 9 to 8 bites. "Are you Nuts! Now I only have eight pieces left?" Trent reacted as Eric raised his eyebrow, since Trent was starting again with his 9 obsession. "Am I nuts?" Duncan asked him confused "Dude, you are officially capital W weird!" He added Gwen walked to the table "which is good, because i happen to really like weird "She defended before taking a egg bite "There now you have 7 which is an odd number again. Isn't thant kind of better?" she asked. "Abso-Gwenly." Trent replied smiling at her. Cody frowned as Bryan now knew a way to manipulate Cody. Just then a whistle was blown! "Hang onto your coconuts, players." Chris said holding a surfing board "We're going back to the beach" He said "Whooo!" Owen cheered "Ever seen one of those 1960s surfer movies, where the kids get up to neato fun before the big bonfire twist a thon and the bully kicks the sand castle in the nerdy guys face?" Chris said "Uh, excuse me, but was that even English, eh?" Ezekiel asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I mean, I ain't never heard nothin' like that. Neato fun and bonfire twist-a-thon? Sounds like a whole heap of jibber-jabber to me." He scratched his head, clearly struggling to make sense of Chris's colorful description. The others shared the same sentiment except Harold who nodded. Heather continued Sneezing. "I Agree with Homeschool here, Grandpa, We haven't" Duncan said with his arms crossed. "Well, get ready to recreate one, Junior" Chris said "two challenges followed by a tie breaker if necessary, So grab your swimsuits!" Chris said walking out of the tent as the cast follwoed him. Dj was going out when Ched stopped him "If the sand castle thing goes down, make sure you are the kicker, not the kickee." He whispered to DJ.

The cast are in the Surfing set which was freezing cold and to add more to things they were all in their swimsuits. "When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?" Lindsay asked as everyone was shaking with cold she had a bottled of sunscreen on her hands trying to squeeze it. "As some of you can see, we're actually in the shooting studio" Chris began "And The Ac's cranked because?" Duncan asked "All the cameras and Light get so hot, they could melt Chef's heart" Chris explained "And the network told my agent sweaty wasn't a good look for me. " He continued "Your first challenge, Hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup." He said "What did you just asked me to do?" Leshawna asked glaring at him "Trent runs to her "He means who ever stays on the surfboard the longest wins." Trent calmed her. "Exact-a-mundo, groovy cats." Chris said as Bryan cringed "Who's going first?" He asked "The team that wins will get a half hour head start on the next challenge and given tonight's reward, you should be fighting harder than justin's abs over who gets first shots" He added as no one stepped forward but thank to a frozen bit of sunblock that squirted from Lindsay's Bottle Harold stepped forward. "We have a volunteer!" Chris announed as Herold looks down.

Harold get on the surfing board geting ready "<ad surfing skills activate" He said as he got ready "And please welcome the return of some season one fan favorites," Chris smirks "The Sharks!" He announced as a shark Jumpped out and Harold went up to protect himself hanging from the equipment. "my booty and I are out!" He said "Your booty has an opinion?" Leshawna asked "That's a big job for such a saggy, sad little thing" Heather said "I'll have you know, this is a selfless act!" Harold told them "my lady fans couldn't handle the loss of this perfect behind!" He added "and by lady fans he means his mother" Heather threw another jab as Bryan tried not to laugh "Hey Sharks, look, Bacon and faken" Harold said pointing to Owen. "Breakfast should last all day, no?" He asked as Bryan rolled his eyes at him. as Sharks begged for Faken and Bacon.. Harold tried to dismount but ended up getting hurt in the process. "Way to stick the dismount bro" Chris said as Heather Duncan and Gwen laughed. Gwen and Duncan fist bumped as Trent got jealous and Insecure. "Aw..." he said "Friendship bracelet "Beth said holding up a bracelet with Trent's color scheme he takes it and starts hitting his head with it 9 times. Beth looks at him as she back away, Eric rolls his eyes at that. "Did you ever noticed Trent's a little weird?" Beth asked Lindsay and Ezekiel. "Eh, well, I reckon I didn't rightly notice, Beth," Ezekiel replied, his tone earnest but somewhat hesitant. Yet Lindsay didn't really get what she said "Did you say Tyler's here?" She smiled wide "That's Amazing!" Beth looks at Ezekiel "Okay lin, Tyler is not in the game anymore" She told her "Eh, well, uh, nope, Lin, Tyler ain't in the game no more," Ezekiel chimed in, trying to clear up the misunderstanding "Oh right...." Lindsay sighs "I must have a dental block about the whole thing." She said frowning Beth back away from her too.

Lindsay then took her turn on the surfboard managing to stay for a while until Chris changes the scenery to a Farm during a tornado and he cranks up a fan that makes Lindsay hit the wall. Other people took their turn, DJ, and Bryan and the Cody, Owen, Gwen Heather and Leshawna and justin but all the failed, luckily now there weren't any sharks. when it was Ezekiel's turn. He tried to stay as much as he could on the board "Yo! this is tricky eh!" Ezekiel exclaimed as he tried to maintain his balance, "Go Zeke!" Lindsay shouted "You can do it!" Beth also shouting encoring him "Lindsay! Beth! He isn't even in our team!" Bryan shouted at them before composing himself "You shouldn't be cheering for the enemy." he added. Yet still Ezekiel failed to stay long. Then It was Eric turn and he also had troubled with staying up, and He was being shot Seagulls instead "Zeke was right! This is Tricky" He said trying to claim his balance "Stay on the board Eric!" Harold Cheered. "You can do it, eh!" Ezekiel called "Can I shoot the seagulls at him chris?" Bryan asked trying to hurt him "Sure why not" Chris smiled as He took the gun and started shooting erratically. making Eric loose his balance. and fall

"Bryan's little stunt of asking to shoot the seagull shooter? Diabolically genius. It's about time someone shook things up around here. Looks like the game just got a whole lot more interesting." Heather said smiling impressed.

Lastly it was Duncan's turn to prove himself and he managed to stay on the surfboard, even avoiding Seagulls, sharks and Lindsay being throw to him causing the first win to be to the Gaffers. The team celebrated and cheered. Eric smiled and High fived Ezekiel. Gwen and Duncan high-five making Trent get jealous again and turning weird "If you at home like weird" Chris said staring at the camera "You'll love what's coming up next!" he said "I'm telling you, sometimes being weird is cool" Trent told Chris "Delusional. So sad." the camera then fades to black.

Soon the camera fades back in to show everyone at the film lot entrance all wearing their regular clothes "Welcome back to Total Drama Action" Chris said "Where against all advice to the contrary, the players have changed out of their bathing suits. Hope You like swimming in your jeans" He said shrugging "Right, because we are totally going to the beach for real this time." Heather said with sarcasm "The bus is just kate." She finished just as a bus horn blares. "You were saying?" Chris said

"Chris actually told us the truth for once?" Owen said sounding shocked "what's next? Being treated with actual respect?"

Beth was standing in front of the Bus door as Eric and Ezekiel were about to enter "I made you two Friendship bracelets, They match your outfits" She said smiling. "Thank you Beth! You didn't have to" Eric said smiling "It's the least I can do! You are helping Ezekiel on you team" She smiled at him as eric entered "here is yurs Zeke" She handed Ezekiel his bracelt"Uh, gee, thanks, eh! This, like, totally rocks! This and the necklace Lin gave me? I feel like, you know, part of your friend group now," Ezekiel said with a shy smile as he go inside the buss and sat next to Eric. Once everyone is aboard the bus it drove towards a familiar sigh. Camp Wawanawkaw. "Yes Campers, We're actually back to your old Stomping grounds, Total! Drama! Island!" he said as everyone looked at Chris. "If you neeed to take a moment and reminisce about the great times you had here.." Everyone but Bryan burst out laughing at what Chris said making him glare at everyone "Fine! We'll skip the good memories montage. Screaming Gaffers, you've got a 30 minute head start on...." He said "the sand castle building contest! To be judge by our resident king o' dunes. Make like prop masters, guys, and give me something awesome," Chris said smiling "I really don;t want the tie breaker to have to go down. I don't think legal quite approved it yet." The gaffers start their sand castle building and they work as hard and fast as the can following Harold's Instruction, While the majority went around with buckets and water Ezekiel was with harold Proving his worth. "Wow I never expected to say this but you are quite a hard worker Ezekiel" Harold said "Aw, shucks, Harold, thanks!" Ezekiel grinned, his cheeks flushing slightly at the unexpected praise. "I guess I just like gettin' my hands dirty and all, you know?" He shrugged modestly, feeling a sense of camaraderie with Harold as they worked side by side. Harold chuckled, clapping Ezekiel on the back. "Well, keep up the good work, buddy! With your help, we're gonna build the best darn sand castle this beach has ever seen!" He gave Ezekiel a thumbs up, impressed by his dedication and enthusiasm. They continued and they were almost finishing their Sand Castle. Chris counted down the Head start for the Gaffers and now the Grips could start their castle as the began to panic as, Trent give his idea as they build an awful castle with 9 of everything. and Sadly it broke when he placed the 9th tower causing Bryan to blow up at Trent realizing real thoughs because h couldn't take his team of idiots "Are you kidding me, Trent?!" Bryan exploded, his usual calm demeanor shattered in a moment of frustration. "Nine towers? Are you trying to sabotage us? We're supposed to be building a castle, not a joke!" His voice rose in anger, his eyes blazing with fury as he let out his pent-up frustration. "I can't believe I'm stuck with a team of incompetent fools like you!" Bryan's outburst echoed across the beach, leaving a tense silence in its wake, with no way to fix the damage his harsh words had caused. The grips gasped and Glared at him even if he was right for the Trent thing, he still was harsh and called them incompetent. So the team worked on the castle making it out of paper Mache and sand, Bryan sat to a side as no one wanted to work with him for his out burst. While the grips build their prop sand castle, The gaffers sand castle was under attack by sea gull and it broke down on the wrong moment causing the win to go to the grips. Prompting chris to tell them to go get fire wood befpre starting the tie breaker.

As Eric, Harold, and Ezekiel gathered firewood, Harold couldn't help but commend Eric. "You know, Eric, I gotta hand it to you," he said, nodding appreciatively. "Last time, you had Gwen pick Ezekiel for her team, and I gotta say, it turned out pretty well. The guy's got some good things to bring to the table." Ezekiel's face turned a shade of red as he shifted awkwardly, his shy demeanor evident. "Uh, th-thanks, Harold," he stammered, his voice soft and hesitant. "I-I'm just, uh, here to do my best and help out however I can." He continued gathering firewood, feeling a little flustered by the unexpected praise but also touched by the recognition. "Well... You saw how better it was to Have Zeke over Bryan.... The out burst he had today means he will be going next when they Grips lose" Eric said as he shrugged " Besides, I think Zeke Deserves a Second Chance and who knows people might get to actually like him" Eric added as Ezekiel smiled and blushes abit feeling like things were going right "Thanks, eh!" He said as the continued gathering fire wood. After Picking Wood Chris admit he wanted alone time, He then tells them what the Tie breaker was and it was a Dance off. So it was Leshawna vs Trent. the two began dancing and Leshawna was a horrible dance which meant that the Gaffer would lose the challenge but something unexpected happened, Trent had a idea thanks to owen that he should let Gwen win because thats what she wanted and with that he faked a leg Injury to have the gaffers win, Which it proved sucessfull but what no one had suspected was that Chris told them that despite being a reward challenge the producers told the to also make it an elimination which shocked the Grips. Since the bus was broken they had to have the ceremony in the old campfire.

It Becomes night and The Gilded Chris Theme begins to play. The grips enter the campfire and each take seats. as They Wait for Chris to start speaking as He walks to the center stage while Chef did a drum roll "And now, it's your turn to cast your votes" Chris said with his smile "and determine who will stroll down the walk of shame" The grips glance at the Lame-o-sine and all exchange glances. Chef walks to them with the voting devices "Here is your Voting devices where you will determine who will be strolling down the make shift walk of shame." He smiled as everyone casted their votes and someone handed Chris and Envelop. "The remaining players are safe...." He smiled "Cody, Justin, Owen" He called as Chef tossed the Gilded Chris to them. "Lindsay and Beth!" He added as the caught their Gilded Chris, Leaving Trent and Bryan shocked and confused "Two nominees," He smirked "That last Gilded chris goes to...." He extend the drama. "Wait!" Bryan stopped everything "Can I get one last Confessional before I take the boot?" He knew he was going due to his out burst "Since this my first elimination ever i should get some confessional right?" He said shruging "Sure fine what ever." Chris said "Go ahead." He said as Bryan ran but not towards the outhouse insted he headed to where the Gaffers where enjoying the rewards and he pulled heather aside "Heather I need your help!" he looks at her "Im getting the boot but im not ready to leave... and I think i should start with the Switch..." He said "Remember i highschool when i humiliated Eric by acting like him? Im going to make him take the boot for me. and That way you can hvae an alliance menber" He said as she ponders for a minute "Mhm and If you win i get 50 percent of the million?" She asked "Yes!" He said "I just need this favir! I need eric distracted. So i can hit him with a cocunot and Take him out!" He said as Heather agreed. So the two set their plan in motion Heather pretended to enjoy the reward as Eric felt something or someone sneaking behind him near the small forest. "Weird? Whats going on" he muttered leaving the reward area to check it out. He was unaware of Bryan hiding holding Mr. Coconut. Once Eric was in Bryans sight he hit him unconsious with Mr. Coconut. He changed their clothes and With heathers Help the two pretended to excort 'Bryan' to the elimination ceremony "Chris we found Bryan sneaking around" Heather said. "I pieced out that maybe he was voted off." She added "OH i almost didn't caught. he is Sneaky,," He laughs as The grips exchange glances "Take him to the Lame-o-Sine" He added as Eric and Heather excort Bryan to the lame-o-sine they pushed him inside and closed the door on the unconscious guy. "Well, well, well, looks like the tables have turned in my favor," he began, his voice tinged with satisfaction. "Switching places with an unconscious Eric? Genius move, if I do say so myself." He leaned back in his seat, a smirk playing on his lips. "Now I get to continue playing the game as Eric, while the real Eric heads home in my place. Talk about a win-win situation." He chuckled softly, reveling in his own cunning. "With a stronger team and a clearer path to victory, nothing's gonna stop me from taking home that million," Bryan declared confidently, his eyes glittering with ambition. "And if anyone thinks they can outsmart me, well, they've got another thing coming."

Chris pauses Bryans Confessinal and smirks at the Camera "justin playin with Lindsay and Beth and now Bryan Having his brother take his spot in the Lame-o-sine" He smirked "Two evil geniuses in two different team with different strategy? If you want to know what happens next stay tuned to Total! Drama?! Action!" The camera fades to black

[Outro]

[End Outro]

TDA Exclusive Scene: 'Bryan' on the Lame o Sine

Next Episode: 3:10 to Crazy Town

A/N: I am sorry if this chapter is abit rushed. I wanted to Hurry this one and publish it. I skipped the gwen and Trent scene because yeah... and focused on Harold seeing that Ezekiel might be a good guy, because He would have need an Ally since Eric is out now, so stay tuned for the next episode.

[sharlalincoln]

Lessons From Dad

Today we set out to enjoy a beach day while on vacation at the river. The forecast called for rain at Atlantic Beach until 12 or 1, then cloudy for the afternoon. Determined to get just *ONE* day at the beach before heading back to work, I said "let's just do it. If the rain doesn't stop, we can just go to the aquarium". Halfway there, the rain was coming down fast and hard. Passing through Newport, I thought to myself "do we just need to turn around and go home? This isn't looking good." You know that saying "a rainy day at the beach is better than a sunny day at work"? Nope, I totally disagree. I'd much rather work in the sunshine than be at the beach in the rain. But at that moment, I flashed back to my teenage years, sitting in the back seat of the station wagon as our family traveled to Emerald Isle for one of our typical day trips during the summer. We only lived 90 minutes from the beach, so this was a regular occurrence and one I always looked forward to. Sometimes it would start to sprinkle and even pour on the drive there. I and whichever siblings were along for the ride would start our bellyachin'..."let's just go home! It's raining! It's gonna be nasty at the beach" etc. But Dad, the eternal optimist would retort "Now listen, this is just a little summer shower. It's probably sunny at the beach!" In all those years of daytrips to the beach, I don't remember a single time that we got rained out. So today, I heard his words and felt his optimism and it paid off. We waited out the rain under a picnic shelter at Fort Macon State Park, and it quickly dissipated, making way for an absolutely perfect day. There was a soothing sea breeze, cloud cover to tame the sun's scorching heat, and the water was amazingly calm with gently rolling waves, but big enough to catch with a boogie board or just bob over/through. While lazing in my chair, I watched a man showing his youngsters how to "catch a wave" with his body (bodysurfing). I immediately flashed back to that day in July 1987, one month before I was leaving home to begin my freshman year at NC State University. On that day, my family was at Emerald Isle on one of our typical daytrips, hanging out near the Bogue Inlet Pier as Mom always liked, to make it easier to find her as we came out of the water. Dad LOVED to bodysurf. He also had incredible lung capacity, so much so, that whenever he had to have lung xrays, it took 2 pictures to image both his lungs! And he LOVED to do the "dead man's float", meaning after he caught a wave, he would coast face-down, arms outstretched in front of him, until his body literally washed up on the shore. Us kids couldn't believe he could hold his breath that long. On this particular day, Dad caught a doozy of a wave. One with such power that he was not able to get his arms out in front of him and basically dumped him on his face. He did the dead man's float all the way to shore, but he didn't move when he "landed". My younger brother Brandon recognized something was badly wrong and pulled him out of the water. The details are foggy, but I remember Dad lying on his back (maybe Brandon rolled him over?) and Mom standing over him saying "honey, are you ok?" to which he responded "Doll, (short for Dolly, his pet name for her) I think I broke my neck." He could not move from his neck down, but had lung function. Miraculously, his incredible lung capacity had saved his life as he held his breath and prayed "Lord, I hope I'm ready, because I think this is it". He had suffered a C3-C7 spinal cord "bruising" which he mostly recovered from over the next 3-4 months, leaving him with a slight limp. As I watched the man today catch a wave or 2, I found myself unable to look in his direction any longer, as the memory of that fateful day in 1987 had overwhelmed me. I still love the beach, and even played in the water today, diving into the waves, jumping over them, and just floating in the calm between each swell, but the impact of watching Dad push through his recovery will always be a reminder of his amazing determination and optimism.

[mark-tencaten]

Mark Tencaten | Cryptocurrency Scams you should be Aware of

With hundreds of cryptocurrencies debuting each month, the increased desire of investors in the blockchain world to place money in an extremely speculative market has rendered them more vulnerable to different cryptocurrency-related crimes. Losses from these scams totaled US$1.7 billion in 2018, with criminals defrauding unsuspecting investors using traditional and cutting-edge techniques.

Blockchain technology and cryptocurrencies are fields that are changing quickly; therefore, Mark Tencaten suggests it's critical to stay on top of new terms and effective safeguards for your money (cryptocurrencies).

The many cryptocurrency-related frauds are explained by Mark Tencaten here, along with tips on how to prevent them.

1. Fake Initial Coin Offerings

An ICO is a kind of cryptocurrency fundraising. It is the amount of cryptocurrency offered to investors or speculators in return for fiat cash or other cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin or Ethereum. If the project's financial objective is reached and the ICO's funding target is reached, the tokens sold are marketed as potential future usable units of money.

Fake initial coin offerings (ICOs) promise investors significant returns in very little time. To entice their investors, these con artists offer false white papers. Most ICO scams have been committed by convincing investors to invest, employing fake ICO websites and problematic wallets, or disguising themselves as legitimate cryptocurrency-based businesses.

2. Bogus crypto exchanges

One of the simplest methods to take advantage of inexperienced investors and traders is to pretend to be an affiliated branch of a trustworthy and lawful organization. By presenting prices that are incredibly competitive on the market, these fraudulent exchanges may deceive people into utilizing their services.

3. Counterfeit wallets

Choosing a wallet to hold and manage your digital currency is completely acceptable. The user-friendly layout of these wallets makes it simple for beginners to transfer cryptocurrency. But several fake wallets have been removed from the Google Play Store. Trezor was the most recent cryptocurrency wallet program to be copied. When a wallet is replicated, all its currency disappears, leaving your portfolio empty.

4. Pyramid scheme or Ponzi scheme

An investor is tricked into putting money in your concept, in this example, cryptocurrency, with the promise of extremely high returns. The only way an investor might receive his money back after the cryptocurrency transfers would be by convincing other investors to fund his business venture. This concept continues ascending to the top, where the scam artist who created it comes out on top.

OneCoin, which was made in 2015, is an example. OneCoins could be purchased by interested people by exchanging cash for this virtual currency, according to its inventors. A portion of this cash was used to cover the sums the other victims were anticipating receiving when they also purchased the investment. No other platform accepts this coin for payment. Over $50 million in illegal sales were plundered by this firm in one year.

5. Phishing

We all understand how phishing operates. Even in the blockchain sector, most individuals cannot defend themselves against numerous phishing frauds. In order to deceive us into disclosing our login, password, or payment details, scammers employ psychological manipulation. Simply put, scammers email links to their fraudulent websites. These pages are closely like any legitimate cryptocurrency trading website. Consumers are often instructed to send a specific amount of Bitcoins or Ether to a fake MyEtherWallet.

In 2019, two Israeli brothers were detained for allegedly running a three-year phishing scheme. During this period, they were accused of stealing over $100 million in cryptocurrencies by enticing buyers from popular cryptocurrency trading platforms like Reddit onto websites that looked just like well-known crypto exchanges.

6. Airdrop scam

The idea behind an airdrop is to give out free crypto tokens in limited quantities to certain wallets. Before the tokens are released, airdrops are a marketing strategy blockchain firms and projects employ to generate buzz. Users may sign up for airdrops through Google Forms or by directly enrolling through links on the project website. The cost of advertising for the developers is reduced because many users learn about airdrops through other means and earn referral tokens for drawing in new participants.

The most typical kinds of airdrop fraud include:

Dump Airdrop: A token's developers want to create a buzz about it right away so that when it launches on exchanges, people will be eager to purchase it. Once it happens, the creators swiftly sell (dump) every token they have for a tidy profit. The investors' tokens are now useless because the project was abandoned.

Private Key Scams: Private Key scams are completely fake and simple to spot. Instead of asking for the public keys to our wallets, these frauds request the private key via forms or links. The private wallet keys are never requested in genuine airdrops.

Mark Tencaten's Advice On How To Avoid Such Scams

·        Check to see if the exchange platforms you use abide by the laws of the nation where they are located. Please be sure that the wallets and platforms you use are reliable and built using blockchain technology. Reading the white paper of the blockchain venture or firm is crucial for spotting fraudulent initial coin offerings. Cloned versions of legitimate websites are created quickly by scammers. These websites are more likely to be scammed if there are any textual inconsistencies, blank website pages, or concealed team members.

·        Never invest in any endeavor without first conducting your own research. Any cryptocurrency's price increase, especially an altcoin, does not always mean it will become the next Bitcoin. Keep your confidential information, particularly the private wallet key, close at hand at all times. Such information is not required for real projects.

According to Mark Tencaten, it is a fast-expanding area with daily advances. As more people work in this industry, more people are likewise prone to commit fraud. Only by keeping up with the most recent news regarding cryptocurrencies and Blockchain Technology can you avoid being duped or conned.

[kvetchlandia]

Richard Meltzer     Lester Bangs Passed Out on Meltzer’s “Highly Uncomfortable Living Rm. Chair,” 104 Perry St., Apt. 4, West Village, New York City     1972

On December 14th, this December 14th, Lester Conway Bangs, while probably not the greatest writer of his generation, arguably its most vital so far to die, would have been 36. Haunted and driven by demons, so- called, a cheerless many of whom/what/ which — or their kindred ilk — he directly sought, found cum stumbled upon, or was inadvertently ensnared by on the demon picnic grounds of Rock and Roll, he never made it to 34.

Following the lead of a handful of babes in the rock-critical woods, one of which I'll admit (if sometimes reluctantly) to having been. Bangs at the dawn of the seventies played as prominent a role as anyone in both expanding the expressive boundaries of rockwriting as a form and giving it a voice that played the newer, more mannered and cautious, mass-market rockmags like Rolling Stone and Creem — the latter of which he even edited for awhile — as on the dime as it had played the catch-as-catch-can, limited-edition fanzines whence it came. Though he also served as the burgeoning genre’s most prolific scribbler, a mission he sustained with relative ease for the bulk of his days, it is to the man’s lasting credit that he rarely delivered copy on anyone’s dotted line. In fact, he probably “got away with more’’ in major- publication print than all his rockwrite brethren combined, conceivably (however) because it merely simplified matters to have a single Designated Outlaw, one entrusted with a blanche enough carte — and unmonitored options galore — to spike with “authenticity ’’ a rock-media stew of bogus Freedom and ersatz Candor.

Retrospectively cliched or not, there was an existential purity to the sheer commitment evinced by Lester’s prolonged wallow in (and about) the rock- and-roll Thing-in-itself. It was, in many ways, the critical headbang to end all critical headbangs; it would be hard to even imagine, for instance, a professional art-film bozo, a jock-sniffing sports jerk, or a food-review lunatic more uninsulatedy gung-ho vis-a-vis x — either as primary experience or typewrite wankery. His patented shameless multipage gush, coupled with an unswerving advocacy of certain conspicuously over- the-top rock genera (Velvet Underground offshoots; Heavy Metal; Punk Rock), made him a must-read favorite with both cognoscenti and dipshits alike, and he came as close to encountering idolatry per se as any non-musician in R&R. A good deal of which — natch —could not help hitting the self-consciousness fan, but while a man’s life was ultimately undone in the process (“I’m Lester — buy me a drink! ’’), the integrity of his art/craft was essentially unaffected. For, while he might have been a tad too glib-messianic those last couple years, he was by no stretch of things an opportunist, never really giving a hoot for what in squaresville would be known as a career. (Or, perhaps, unlike his role model Kerouac, he simply didn’t live long enough for that, too, to be strenuously tested.)

In any event: dead, cremated, literal ashes. California born (Escondido ’48), bred (El Cajon, ages 9-23), and traveled (I first hung with him in San Francisco, last in L.A.), Lester bought the big one on the opposite coast — his final home, the fabled Apple — April 30/82, ostensibly from a hefty pull of darvon employed, in lieu of aspirin, to placate the flu. Since his death, variously interpreted as a mile-radius teardrop’s once-in-a- lifetime terminal burst, a joke and a half on both himself and his precious chosen whole damn Thing, and — by occasional uncouth louts — the final glorious triumph of his excess, the spectrum of Bangs-in-ongoing-print has dwindled from monochromatic /sparse to colorless/ nonexistent. Of the two books in his name which appeared during his lifetime, quasi-coffeetable numbers on Blondie and Rod Stewart, neither a particularly representative Lestorian effort (or even particularly good: the former admittedly hacked out “in two days on speed,’’ and looking it, i. e., ad hoc and forced; the latter disowned as a clumsy, if innocent, foray into “writing as whoring’’), both are either out of print — officially — or on the back burner of barely having ever been in same, at least as regards this coast, where I’ve yet to see either in bookstore one. Nor have two posthumous whatsems. Rock Gomorrah, cowritten (early ’82) with L.A.’s Michael Ochs, and a projected collection of unpublished fragments scrounged from Bangs’s apartment a day or two after his death, gotten more than inches off the publishing ground — the former for reasons which if herein revealed would get me sued but good, the latter because, in the words of editor Greil Marcus, “the stuff is less tractable than I thought at less than 5000 words or so.’’ Also stalled, and/or abandoned (and/ or nonspecific pipedreams to begin with) : all known plans to reissue out-of- print Live Wire LP Jook Savages on the Brazos, recorded, Austin, TX, Dec. ’80, by Lester Bangs & the Delinquents, lyrics and vocals by guess who. In fact, the only anything by L. C. Bangs readily available where availables are sold is his liner copy for The Fugs Greatest Hits Vol. I, released by PVC/Adelphi some months after he’d croaked, for which he (or rather his atoms) later copped a Grammy nomination, and for which, reliable word has it, he never was paid.

Well, I’ve been proven wrong; it hasn’t been easy recollecting Lester in even half a toto in so much tranquility. Didn’t seem like such a bad idea back when obits were appearing left & right and at least two- thirds of ’em smacked of revisionism at its well-intentioned worst; having ridden the range with the guy, having been as intimate with his daytime/nighttime revealed essence — I would bet my boots — as anyone in or out of various possible beds with him, I had fiery goddam galaxies to say in his behalf that were simply not being said, at least not in print by his designated peers; and, although my no longer living in New York couldn’t help but delay my shot, remote and after-the-fact seemed like the ticket, y’know anyway, for some major necessary rerevision.

But here it is two, two and a half years gone & more, and whuddaya know if all the raw goddam pain (at the loss of, yes, a brother) and jagged fucking anger (at a waste of life, life-force, and relative inconsequential like “talent” and “genius”), an unbeatable duo which for weeks, weeks, months gave the Lester totality so cosmic a shape, scale and intensity, have by their own inevitable burnout given way to the contemplation of standard-issue mere data, of the skeletal remains of a larger-than-life life which have come to make sense (or not) in too neat, too linear, a manner. Well — hey — fuggit: Even if grocery lists, chalk diagrams and hokey storytellin’ are the forms ongoing life-as-life has imposed on the mission, there’s still a heap of essential Lester information that could use, uh, exposure to printed-page light.

What too many write-biz intimates sought to do in the wake of his death was debunk the Lester Legend (solely) by reciting evidence that his bark was worse than his bite. While I’m sure he’d have “wanted it done” (i.e., have the saga-as- litany scraped of treacherous barnacles, or at least of their treacherous vogue), I can’t imagine the projected post-life intent of such a wish as in any way entailing cosmetic overhaul, especially in the service of moral/experiential object lessonhood. Lester’s day-to-day transaction with post-adolescent life-as- dealt was — let’s be conservative — 94 % anything but pretty. If he’d have wanted his entire whatsis to serve up viable scenarios for intimates and non-intimates alike (gee, would the Pope prefer to be Catholic?), there’s no way the deal’d come out even provisionally Lester-functional without interested non-intimates having retroactive access to as hefty an eyeful of the not-so-pretty — in all its hideous, non-Clearasiled blah blah blah — as intimates galore regularly managed to cop and, in their various personal ways, have already learned from. To deglorify an earlier incarnation of shit (which the man himself was clearly hellbent on doing in his waning days on earth) you’ve got to at least speak its name — loudly! — for the whole entire planet: c’mon now, one & all. A solemn responsibility (I call it) which, credibly/incredibly, the smelly sumbitch’s closest associates have, to this day, all but refused to consider.

To wit: For every time anyone saw the defanged, declawed Lester teddy bear rear its cuddly li’l head (see obits 2, 3, 5 & 7) the man was uncountable times the asshole, the buffoon, the sodden tyrant; been those things myself — in semi-prior lifetimes — so I know. Back in ’73, for inst, the soon-to-be-dead Lillian Roxon gushed shameless love for the s.o.b., in New York on Creem business, ordering up a Lester button and leaving it in his hotel box; response to this purest of offerings was “What’s that fat cunt want from me?” About a year later I get this call from Nick Tosches requesting that I please take Lester, who’d shown up at his door on acid, “off my hands”; took him to a party at John Wilcock’s place, during which he verbally brutalized Wilcock’s wife (in green Fingernails) for being a “hooker,” snapped at an affable Ed Sanders for being “the only alkie in the counter-culture,” and had nothing more to say to Les Levine’s Asian girlfriend (wife?) than “Yoko is a lousy gook”; further into the night, at Vincent’s Clam Bar in Little Italy, he literally bellowed ( more than twice), “There’s a lotta tackin’ wops in this joint.” And how can I forget the way he treated me and Nick, his closest approximate friends f'r crying out loud, as our wonderful editor while at Creem? He’d call us each up at 3 a.m. to urgently solicit various (rather specific) reams of pap, needed via Special D toot sweet; we’d climb outta bed, peck away bleary-eyed to whack out the closest possible takes on what he’d claimed he wanted, whereupon he’d reject ’em with a vengeance (“I won’t print beatnik shit”), then run thoroughly like-minded i. somethings — under his own byline — or with our words, usually verbatim, laced throughout. Just a few “examples,” dunno if they sound like big stuff or small, in any event typical Lester, with plenty, plenty more where they came from — y’know times n-plus-many.

In spite of such anticommunal upchuck, or quite possibly because of it — post-adolescent of a post-summer-of-love feather & all that — I did have deep affection for the bastard during my final years in New York; he could really piss me off (and I, I’m assuming, him) but bygones were always eventually ditto. In those days I generally shared his affection for The Edge, and might even’ve gone extreme slightly ahead of him; in January ’72, this is true, he actually dubbed me “the Neal Cassady of rock and roll.” But by fall ’75, when I split New York to at least simulate an escape from the Frantic and Hyper (and he subsequently arrived, ostensibly to embrace same), I was feeling the first stirrings of apprehension re my own prolonged massive intake of Edge Substances (emotional, cultural, but above all chemical) and was on the verge of an early series of attempts to, y’know, cut down, to maybe get off my collision course with all sorts of walls, both metaphoric and real. Lester, meantime, seemed on a rapid upswing in the intake dept.; what had so far served as mere horizon or frame for his trip, or at most been its semi-essential fuel, was now lunging headlong for the foreground of his life ... or should we call it the twin foregrounds (life as Mythic Construct; life as physical/emotional/cultural Hard Mundane Reality).

Hey, the guy was beginning to scare me. Certainly as an advanced — or rapidly advancing — version of what I no longer wanted to be and could (possibly) imagine once again becoming, but more as this vivid, palpable spectre of specialized human decomp not just out there but right there: a pal & a buddy headed (willy nilly?) for the sewer. From late ’75 immediately onward, on those unlikely occasions when separate coasts — underscored by far fewer rockwrite junkets — any longer allowed for it, I was usually unable to handle being in the same room with him, knowing I’d have to witness whole new increments of what could really no longer be passed off as anything but (gosh) misery and (dig it) horror. Where in the earlier ’70s it was almost cute — once in a while — the way Lester would stumble into classic self- directed drunk jokes (like the time he called me from the Detroit airport to tell me he was headed for an Alice Cooper show in London, presumably England, only he’d drunkenly got it wrong and was on his way to London, Ontario), there was this half-week in ’79, for inst, during which he hung out at Michael Ochs’s house in Venice with no daily design but to get skid-row-calibre gone and stay there, that was just fucking grim. Looking an unhealthy as I’d ever seen him, basic shit-warmed over with an ngly bump on his forehead (which he claimed he was “treating with Romilar”), he refused to eat without an Occasion. When, one evening, Michael and I pretty much dragged him to a Mexican restaurant, he refused to actually step inside until he’d fortified himself with the cottons from six Benzedrex inhalers — the local pharmacist was out of Romilar — busted open on the sidewalk with a shoe.

Washing down their remnants with a Dos Equis as his enchilada sat there staring at him, he quoted (or claimed he was quoting) Sid Vicious: “Food is boring.”

So, inevitably, when Billy Altman rang me up from N.Y.Clearly on a California morn, to let me hear it straight from a friend — “instead of from a creep” — my immediate response to no more Lester, steps ahead of all the pain & anger & whut, was holy fucking shit, the fucker finally did it; it’d been in the real-world cards for long-long times for Lester to cease to be. Though even on his gonest days he was no way a classic cornball suicide-romantic — heck, I don’t really think he was all that clinically suicidal (big-sleep fantasies never overtly/covertly lured him, not even metaphorically, from the darkest sub-basement of his World of Dread; nor was Danger, though he often nonstop lived it, itself the merest tickle of a ripple of a thrill for him, a context before the fact) — he’d sure staged more corny, frightful dress rehearsals than Jim Jones plus Judy Garland (squared) for simply ending up dead.

Biggest of which I ever saw was January ’81. I’m at Nick’s place in New York, en route back to L. A. from Montreal, when who should pay a surprise visite but Mr. Bangs, cassette in hand. It’s a tape of these tracks recorded during an Austin romp I’d heard about second or third hand (he’d planned to “live there forever,” it was said, ’til a night in the local drunk tank — on top of who knows what else — totally changed his mind), and in the course of the next 12-15 hours he played it, for us and at us, many times. Also during this stretch, after boasting, rather proudly, that he no longer drank, he managed to ingest at least 36 cough- suppressant tablets (three 12-packs of Ornical — we weren’t always watching) washed down with sizable slugs of bourbon, as there was nothing else but water to wash ’em down with.

All stages of this ordeal, in which Nick and I were little more than foils for surge upon surge of what we’d come to regard as typical Lestorian bathos, were hardly bearable in the state we were in (after far too many “nights with Lester,” going back to the days when we even could dig it, we’d opted for a change to take this one straight), but the morning-after phase was literally one for the books. On the umpteenth playback of what was soon to hit the racks as the Jook Savages LP, Lester insisted that one particular vocal was pure Richard Hell (in Lester’s cosmos an a priori yay); my dogtired no-big-deal of a response was it sounded existentially neater than that, more on the order of Tom Verlaine (a Lester nuh-nuh-no). Suddenly hair-trigger sensitive — in a performance-trigger vein — he tapdanced back with “Then I might as well go sell shoes in El Cajon.” Next cut he compared himself to somebody (very contempo) else, prompting me to comment, for non-pejorative, sleep- denied better or worse, that his vocals (across the board; in general) had the same basic flavor as those on such country-western parodies as Sanders' Truckstop or the Statler Brothers’ Johnny Mack Brown High School LP. Affecting grievous offense, as if any of his b.s. actually mattered (the Lester of ’73/’74 — in any chemical state — would merely’ve giggled), he took things up a full notch of indignant/sarcastic: “Well I guess I’m just no fucking good. ”

But he wouldn’t stop playing the crap, not with every cut looming as a supercharged occasion for kneejerk call- and-response, a challenge for him to goad Nick and/or me into goading him, in turn, into mock-self-deprecatory one-liners ad nauseum — a dress rehearsal, as it were — his puke-stained sweater seemed appropriate — for his triumphant appearance on Johnny Carson, which he had no doubt the worldwide success of his Blondie book would imminently require . . . along with a shot of his mug, cleanshaven, on the cover of People (over which he whined “fear” of besmirched personal image).

Ultimately Nick and I, weary of further compliance in so shoddy an interpersonal number, old buddy or not (and/or old bud in particular), found ourselves laughing in his face; enough was enough, and the sight of this bumbling mammal going gaga for an audience of two-who-knew- better was kind of otherworldly amusing. The object of our yuks, however, took it as us laughing with him: Great Moments in Standup/Audience Rapport! Swollen with illusory (or whatever) whacked-out self, Lester then proceeded to announce his program: (1) to save Rock & Roll; (2) to become president (presumably Oi the U.S. of A.); (3) to move to England and in turn save their Rock & Roll. As mere dipshit goals, nos. 1 and 3 meant topically little to either of us — geez, we’d all but buried the Anglo-Am mainstream as even an idle, y’know, sometime hobby or whatnot — but (2) hit us firmly, instantaneously, in the breastplate.

Lester’s neurons, no recent model of health to begin with, had made the short-circuit of Lester Bangs . . . [tenor saxophonist] Lester Young . . . (latter's nickname] Pres . . . Pres/U.S.A. per se!!!

Guffaw, guffaw — we guffawed — though I guess we could've gasped (or shuddered). Then: a heavy silence, as cosmic (or whatever) as it was awkward, filled presently by the man himself:

"Hey! I'm gonna buy some import albums! I'll get a whore I know to lend me her charge card! Cab fare too!" And he was off; no amiable nudging, no “Get the fuck out of here" could take the place of timeless vinyl hunger. Gone at last — and we gave him (in all solemn, empirical, non-jive reckoning) six months to live.

But of course he fooled us, by (nearly) a whole damn calendar year. Surprise, surprise: but an even bigger surprise was the extent to which he managed to actually turn things around — well, almost — during that extra annum, especially during its. and his. final months. Not only was he still among the living, not only did he no longer seem conspicuously earmarked for premature exit — the Lester with whom I spent a rather refreshing week in February '82 gave every indication of having already gone beyond mere survival (as an issue) and appeared, astonishingly, to be thriving on the theme.

In L.A. following his mother's eventually fatal stroke and staying with his 56-year-old half-brother in Studio City, he accompanied me one night to a low-stakes poker game attended by members of the Blasters, the perfect setup, you’d figure, for Lester to revert to type. But no, he just minimally fun-&- games'ed it like anyone else — no lookin' for opportunities to “be Lester," no showing off for rock-roll peers either verbally or intakewise. no diving for the evening's jugular and letting 'er rip — and after two beers (!). without so much as a grimace, he declared he’d had enough. Postgame he engaged Phil Alvin in a lively musical dialogue, but at no point did fightin' words fill the air, or were axes even poised for grinding. The pair agreed to exchange tapes — a wholesome friendship in the making — and next day Lester complained (true, true) that reefer had been smoked.

As the week wore on in consistent, low- key fashion. I was struck by the fuckload of inner capacities the guy was perceptibly calling on, left, right and center, to extend his defiance of Death to the domain of just plain living, capacities I hadn't caught sensory evidence of — all previously told — for more than 11 minutes total. A far cry from anything as cheaply benign as, let's say, more frequent eruptions of "Lester washes the dishes" (see obit 04), what I got to witness was kind of on the order of a whole new Lester, one who'd finally found a non-lethal, functionally less jagged (though in no way “benign") rhythm for his life. Engaging him in tight quarters with more open-heartedness per se than I*m sure I’d ever mustered (sharing an Edge does not always make for brotherhood-by-numbers. let alone by pure, unedited inclination), I willingly submitted to his rap/rant and bought its tenor if not its verbatim transcript; by the time he returned to New York, his mother still hanging on. I’d seen and heard a New Lester series pilot that could credibly have played — prime time — on the Pro- Life Network.

For starters, he’d learned to slow down, to proceed apace through a given experience without easy reliance on everpopular on-off switches. He'd gotten far more selective about the company he kept, seeking out, for the first time in his known adult life, social interactions stressing soulwarming interpersonal comfort over thrash-trigger me-you tribulation. A good deal less insistent upon strapping each day to an emotional chopping block (as recalled, for inst, in that old chestnut of his, “I need to be in love!"), he'd begun to let his life embrace emotional motifs of greater duration and resiliency. And. as stuff like this fed back to his theoretic apparatus, even Lester's ideas (as stated) began to display an unexpected day-to-day congruity; no longer, it seemed, would he write an anti-racist wowser for the Village Voice in one breath and scream, "Fuckin’ niggers!” at Village Oldies the next. Lester-as-flux had had its thoroughly engaging run. and for this to give way to a “maturer” unpredictability was not the worst of possible outcomes.

Even the drastic reduction in Lester’s intake of physical poisons bore little trace of on-the-wagon-or-bust — y'know, as if any day, minute, second the tension of it all would cause him to snap right back with equal vengeance — particularly with its status as but part of a whole-body package that included both eating at regular intervals and a radical olfactory modification: He now took baths. (One afternoon in ’74 Nick and I met Lester at some ritzy midtown hotel. Though he’d been in the room all of an hour, the smell was like a dog had died there, and been left to rot, weeks or months before. Consequently, we vetoed his offer to call down for drinks on Creem’s tab, suggesting, to his consternation, that any dump of a bar would be more, uh, whatever. Many of his heterosex liaisons had foundered on the rocks of precisely this issue.)

In terms of cultural orientation, no longer was he monomanically enslaved to rock & roll (-or-perish). For virtually the first time since the sixties he didn’t need, burningly, brand new Big Beat LP’s in his mail slot each (and every) day; the state of the Art, wobbling on a multi-year terminal gimp, no longer served as his external psychic barometer, his armband of first-person pride (or shame); having finally produced Music of his own, to severe personal specifications (regardless of the giggles it inspired in jerks like me), he no longer needed to prove anything with it or through it. Crucially, though some would probably like to deny it. he no longer saw Rock’em-Sock'em as a viable metaphor for his (or any, kindred or otherwise) state of being, viewing it as the all too easy — and ultimately, revoltingly, unsatisfactory — crystallization of (mega-numerous) blank and scattered lives. Lester's break with rock-roll mythos as his be-all/end-all of etc., which I have no doubt (had he lived) he’d've sooner rather than later made official, was as profound, and profoundly moving, as his break with the Myth of Lester. As one committed jackass who’d made the same painful transition — goodbye, Rock-Automated Self! — I knew how tough a bond the chronically intermingled personal/cultural can be to crack (and my heart went right out to him).

It also warmed my cockles, considering his record in the mere civility dept., to see him relate (graciously) to his half- brother’s wife, this unaffectedly pretty 21- year-old rural Mexican the macho blusterer, a stuntman by trade, had recently acquired, maritally, while on location Down South. Though she knew pun near zero English, my first sight of her she was watching some random English-language crap, while hubby rested for a shoot of the Fall Guy series, on the tiny TV in her fussy suburban kitchen; materially cozy for the first time in her life, she seemed lonely, disoriented, far from home. Silent and solemn, she visibly stiffened — shyly? menially? — at the intrusion of Lester, my girlfriend Irene and me. only to be put at ease by Lester introducing us, without missing a beat, as, well, friends of the family. Like it mattered to him that she feel like family — and thus shared in all aspects of etc. — and for a moment the loneliness left her face; she smiled broadly, shook (or at least took) our hands, went back to her tube.

But what came off as so genuine when he was dealing with his family, his friends, kind of sputtered into the ether when he tried to branch it to the family of Man. Whenever he got to talkin' Hard Humanism, which had all the earmarks of being his preoccupation of (Rock- replacement) record, he’d make these broad, lecture-ish, relatively flavorless statements which often didn't wash.

Never wholly credible 'cause once again he seemed to be performing — without booze/etc. but surely with a script — he’d say thus & such about human courage and folly that not only had an artificial ring, it tended to run in direct opposition to what had clearly been his experience. Even his word choice sounded stilted, alien, not his own; when he spoke of "women" he could easily have been reading straight from a column in Cosmo.

A lot of which suggested a Lester so hellbent on being a good boy once and for all that to merely work overtime cleaning up his own act was scarcely sufficient; he had to render a transpersonal commentary that made his good intentions “universal,” even if the topical universality he’d taken an option on was simply the first he found it comfortable song-&-dancing a provisional connection to. There were moments when his bill of particulars made me uneasy, realizing that to intellectually challenge any of this would be like kicking mud on some kid’s newest/truest pastime, 'specially when it was one so socially redeeming, so non- self-destructive. one which, for all intents and purposes, I basically shared with him anyway. What really counted was the miracle of Rock Tough Guy #1, after 15 years of rocknroll plug-in and little else, during which he'd come to thread that needle upside down (and asleep), to the point (even) of smugness, flipness, pomposity, out on a goddam limb over something else: a neophyte at last! (I could dig it.)

Anyway, finally, on the last night of Lester's stay — which worked out as our last time together, period — we did something we’d previously never found the appropriate nexus for: trading rants (in earnest) with blank tapes a-rolling.

For something like five-six hours we went apeshit re such topics as: the sellouts & prejudices of mutual colleagues; novels and novelists; New York as (quite possibly) the coldest outpost on Emotional Earth; the usual standard rockish garbidge (plus some un- and some non-). We also hit on shrinks-we- have-known, with Lester's rap on this rooty-toot of a subject being the single one, from the four-and-a-half hours I’ve so far transcribed, which most tellingly nutshells the excruciating self- examination he had to've undertaken — and undergone — just to be sitting around discoursing as fluidly as he was, to’ve transcended whatever the fuck en route thereto:

“Like I went to a psychoanalyst, one in New York and one in Detroit, for a total of, I dunno, three-and-a-half years. I finally concluded, I mean yeah I’m insane, I’ve got my problems, my sicknesses are fucking me, yeah, I’m sure they both probably helped me, y’know, I know the last guy in New York, it's like everybody I know was totally appalled by my drinking and drugging, well like you, right, and everybody else had the same reaction, y’know, except my shrink. He’d say, ‘No, that's alright.’ I went out to this, he had a country retreat, a whole bunch of us would go out there on weekends. And the first time I went there like I got drunk on Friday night, and Saturday morning I got up and washed down a bottle of Romilar with a bottle of beer while sitting on a slick rock by the stream. I got this great idea for something I wanted to write, I stood up on the rock in boots like these and whoosh, went like that and smashed, see it, the scar on my nose? That's how I got it, smashed my face open.

“And he thought my druggin' and drinkin' was great, y'know? He said, in fact he kind of told me I'd be not as great of a writer if I gave all this stuff up. And I said, 'Yeah, but look at all these people, they rot away, they end up like self- parodies like Kerouac and Burroughs and all that sort of shit.' And he said. 'No. no, not everybody's like that.' I said, How could I someday be 55 years old and have to take a handful of speed to sit down at the typewriter?' Well he said, 'People do it. heh heh heh!' Well both my shrinks, especially this guy, they had real great humanist compassion and empathy and all that, but I know what both of 'em did, and in the long run in essence they were no good for me, because they were getting off on me being there. It’s like they’re so bored, one housewife alter another, 'I don’t love my husband, I don't know why.’ Then they get someone like you or I that's actually interesting, that has ideas, and so it's fun time for 'em. I mean if I hadda follow this guy’s advice I’d be dead, uh, pretty soon.”

Hmm: one effing eery end-of-quote as, alas, all is now dust — reactively acquired caution or no. Possibly possibly possibly, any tonnage of prudence would inevitably have proven insufficient for the autopilot courses he was still, evidently, all too capable of flying. Or, reversing horses and carts, maybe his tortured shell was already jus’ too beat-to-shit, with even a radical lessening in his scale of abuse being too little — archetypally — too late. And then there’s this pharmacological biz about purified cells succumbing to doses they’d have been more than up for when poison was all they knew. (And can we ignore the Wrath of Influenza?)

Even if, to some bitter-enders, his death remains as shrouded in formal “mystery” as those of Eric Dolphy and Warren G. Harding, all-of-the-above can't help but provide a not-unlikely profile of how Lester came to die. Throw in a few more mainline Causalities (cultural: rock-roll glut, esp. coupled w/ too literal an intoxication with Kerouac, Celine, et al; primalpsychological: a childhood more woeful than most, his Jehovah's Witness mom — pushing 50 when she had him — mind-setting, almost singlehandedly. a chronic “inability to cope"; geographic: the Apple, even when it wasn't absolute Edge Central, affording him. given his makeup, scant opportunity for inner peace) and you'd easily have an explanation that 'd hold up in a court of his cronies/cohorts/camp followers.

But if Lester was the pawn, victim, and (indeed) fellow traveler of such easy- Aristotelian a-implies-b, he was also, in those last fitful months, a scatterer of all such shit to the winds, a man who showed his true destiny muscle by throwing all the elements out of on-the-head mythopoetic sync just when they threatened, conspiratorily, to reduce him to merely another Jim Morrison. Jimi Hendrix. Mr. Kerouac. Screamingly, courageously, he committed himself, as wholly (really) as possible, to a counter-causal gameplan which even if flawed — and accidents, y’know, happen — did actually manage to defuse (at least where I live & breathe) the mythic oompah of any time-delayed rat-trap he may subsequently (or previously) have fallen in. If there's anything almost pleasing about the timing, the anti-drama, of Lester's death, it's the monumental Mythic Disjuncture factors he'd set in motion were thereby — implicitly, explicitly — to forever effect.

LESTER’S (WRITERLY) LEGACY — “One of rock’s most colorful characters, Bangs made his reputation as a pugnacious, participatory journalist who was not above picking fights with rock stars in pursuit of a good interview." So wrote one voice of prevailing wisdom, Patrick Goldstein, in the May 9/82 L.A. Times; nothing — latter part — could be farther from the truth. If Lester (the writer) more than once battled Lou Reed into (and beyond) the wee hours of etc., it was not to get a story, it was to live a story: to encounter all the rock-related being his writerly credentials (as a wedge) were able to afford him (as a person)'. Nor was he in any way enthralled by the sickening spectacle of stars being stars; artists, maybe, but stars, fug 'em. When he as mere citizen found himself face-to-face with the pose, pretense, and professional guardedness of such gaudy, extraneous creatures, Lester could not (for the life of him) deal with such crap but to cut right through and speak, directly, to the mere citizen in them, or (failing that) force the situation into functional self-destruct — before the fact of anything so dispassionate as actually “writing it up."

That his eventual write-ups tended to display utter contempt for the entire food chain of music-corporate life, often biting, intentionally, a grimy hand that could not’ve been more willing — his mighty Credentials & all — to feed him, heck, fatten him, was but half the take-no-shit of Lester's essential statement as a writer de rock; forcefeeding the stuff, his stuff, the stuff-as-writ, to the only marginally less corporate (or grimy) running dogs of rockwrite publishing was at least as pugnacious a gesture of this-is-what-I-am/this-is-what-I-do/take-it-or-be-fucked. Since the extent of his success in shoving it down so many otherwise unyielding editorial throats may have had less to do with his willful intent than theirs — camouflage, for inst, for their being life-deep in major-label record company pockets — its significance at this juncture is, at most, merely ironic; the reciprocal influence, in any event, of his ease at getting published upon subsequent moments of raw critical-expressive spew was procedurally nil. In fact, what may most enduringly matter about Lester's approach to his chosen profession, way ahead of dandy journalistic touchstones — "courage," “integrity,” “pride in craft" — that he ate for breakfast like so much broken glass (but which, really, you can still get from Nat Hentoff and Howard Cosell), is the “anti-professional," forcibly non-dehumanized square-one struggle he by design submitted to — and could not. with any kernel of his humanity, avoid - in order to pump out critical prose of any scale of note. (Pugnacity with form; with ritual creative context; even — especially — with roleplaying writerly/critical self.)

That he was ofttimes a great writer/critic, so-called, was but icing on the cake. That scant few others, on the hottest days of their lives, have even approached him — or particularly cared to, considering the requisite gravity and passion of the chore he’d set — probably says as much about their investment in lesser quals of cake as it does about the relative inadequacy of their writerly follow-through. Rockwriting is, and nearly always has been, the trade of simps, wimps, displaced machos, brats and saps; of, in Lester's own words, “ass-kissers of the ruling class”; of fuddy-duddy archivists with cobwebs on their specs; of pathetic idealizers of a lost youth no one has ever (even approximately) experienced or possessed; of sycophantic apologists for chi-chi trends, musical and extramusical alike, without which (so they've always claimed) “rock is dead”; of binary yes/no cheeses with the cognitive wherewithal of vinyl, shrinkwrap, the physical column- inch. Rockwritin' Lester, like anyone else in the trade, was certainly each of these things from time to time, though (probably) none of 'em, singly or in tandem, for longer than the odd off review. Sadly, though his untradelike comportment surely tantalized mere tradefolk while he lived — at least in terms of Style — and even begat a not-half-bad (early-’70s) clone in “Metal Mike" Saunders, his actual abiding sway among such clowns, beyond the occasional liftable riff, was — as it continues to be — infinitesimal.

Finally: the twin silly questions (1) where a still-living Lester might hypothetically've taken it (i.e., beyond the rockwrite fishpond) and (2) what such imaginary newstuff could/would conceivably’ve meant to his basic audience. Second one first. Okay, that Lester's rockstuff generally read so hot as personal testimony is one thing; for it to have been perceived by so many as being eminently, genuinely about something — something rather specific, in fact something "rear’ — is something else. When you get down to it, the gospel of Lester's radical about-ness rested largely on a big hunk of readerly illusion, the illusion of a functional one-on-one between the guy’s fertile imaginings and the psychic infrastructure of rock & roll as dealt; there could be harsh discordance, of course, but as long as a firm relationship could (for whatever readerly vested interest) be consistently inferred between Lester’s mindgames and rock’s g-g-games per se, you at least had the stamp of a viable — if totally simulated — one-on-one. But, really/truly, while Lester’s psychic playground may surely have been one drastically twisted maze, its actual correspondence (sympathetic, hostile, whatever) to rock's own labyrinth, one so airtight and dank as to make his seem like wide open etc., was far too often naught but a matter of readerly convenience. Everyone loves a cipher, a living/ breathing anagram or two. even some — hey — with flaws more rampant than Lester’s, but for the man’s writerly service to’ve been gauged (almost solely) vis-a-vis his reliability as a stand-in cipher-of- x, y’know for readerfolk too lame — or lazy — to suss out x themselves, is the real tragedy of the trip, particularly when the first-&-final glue of most folks’ attachment to his writing was never much more than their own desperate attachment to an x they could, and should, have been accessing more independently (and less desperately) to begin with.

So, anyway, here's the rub. Had Lester lived long enough to both sever his own desperate rock connection — officially, in sheets read by his fuckheaded fans, simply by writing other stuff — and, furthermore, to back it up with an equally official rejection of the Fount of Neurosis from which he'd sung its tune (and they'd listened), it ain't really much of a longshot to imagine him losing a huge percent of the fuckheads — certainly the most gung-ho among 'em — in, well, no time flat. And, c’mon, how much of an immediate, uh, new audience was he likely to yank in writing up (as he insisted he would) such transcendently pivotal mere-humanistic trifles as the dearth of love (as we know it) in scene X or Y . . . how this set of new-age culture jerks uses that set of new-age culture jerks as props in regards to bluh . . . New York editors who pull rank (pshaw!) along collegiate lines [a hard-hitting exposé] . . . or, I dunno, something about shams and follies in clothes and/or grooming?

Plus, well, though, um — (even if) — then again: Aside from loss of ad hominem authority due to the fickle scumbait nature of the pop-world Beast, aside from the fact that many of his generic partisans would prob'ly now be targeted, topically and even personally, in scathing printed-page rants, aside from the limited run such goulash (Sensitive Ties His Laces, w/ Brass Knucks & Footnotes) has ever had — hey — can ever/will ever have . . . aside, aside, aside — the most glaring fact fact is how few times, as of his death, he'd as yet even aspired to the heights (or whats) or non- rock journalism. Four-five-six, some number like that, in the Voice and wherever else, all of ’em still pretty much rockwriterly appendices to the rockwrite “adventure," meaning he had a good ways to go before he'd’ve got the wings/chops/ legs for a total-pulp plunge (or at least a regular shift) at full oldtime capacity (but with newtime thrust and content). Which would’ve been no fall from grace no matter how you scope it — give the boy time (for fuck sake) to stumble and bumble and get it right — but how would any possible Lester have dealt with a (previously amenable) shithook book co. like Delilah telling him not now, sonny when he handed ’em a ream of copy on (let’s imagine) friends who’re fuckups? Personal persona limelight Lester had learned to live without — but writeperson limelight? (It would not’ve been easy.)

Okay, he's dead. All this brand new grief and hardship never befell him; never will. But words on pages remain: What is their lot? Lester's standard fare was so paradigmatically “of the moment" that he was the rockmag shootist. But books of the stuff? Nah; it’s kind of nebulous how even his best mag outings will wear when inevitably (??) anthologized. For someone so public in his orientation, both as input and output, he was — don't laugh or even smirk — one of rock’s more precious and fragile "private moments.” Private moments you can always document — coercively, of course — but try and play ’em back and. well . . . we'll all see, I reckon.

LESTER LEAPS IN — Y’all know all by now how Lester leapt out of New York; lemme just finish with how he leapt in. His first night in town, just a visit, fall "72, he stayed with me and my girlfriend Roni, West Village, 104 Perry St., apt. 4. Arriving semi-direct from JFK, he split pretty quick for the nearest grocer, returning with three six-packs of Colt 45. What he did for the next day and a half — all he did — was wade through 18 big ones, half quarts, as follows: start can, drink fast, get tired; fall out, dropping remainder; awaken following can’s impact with floor; stagger to fridge for fresh one; repeat cycle. What he mumbled or muttered during any of the 18 pre-fallout phases I simply do not recall.

So like hey y’know wo hey hey wo-wo hey, OLD SPORT: love ya, hope I didn’t cramp yer style, g’bye.

--Richard Meltzer, “Lester Bangs Recollected in Tranquility”  Dec. 6, 1984

[sirtravisjacksonoftexas]

Does the Bible Teach That Aliens Do or Do Not Exist? Um, None of the Above, and Moses Will Show you why:

 The 1980’s was a great decade to grow up in. Even today, I’m still in love with the rock, pop and country music that came out of it. MTV got its start in the 80’s (and to anyone who was born afterwards; yes, Music Television DID have music during the 80’s). This was the decade of Atari and Nintendo, of games like “Asteroids” and “Super Mario Brothers”. This was the decade that saw Ernest P. Worrell become a house-hold name, the decade that saw children collect Garbage Pail Kids trading cards (I miss those things). Arguably the best science fiction and fantasy movies were made in the 80’s (“Star Wars: Return of the Jedi”, “Dune”, “Labyrinth”, “Dark Crystal”, “The NeverEnding Story” etc). Kids had cartoons like “Thundercats”, “He-Man”. There were also great TV shows like “FraggleRock” and “Punkie Brewster”.

And, of course, who could forget Alf? 

For those of you who are 80’s challenged, “Alf” was a TV show about an alien named Gordon Shumway (aka Alf) who crashes into the garage of a human family called the Tanners. They take Alf in and keep him hidden from the US government. Though he gets into mischief and occasionally tries to eat cats, he nevertheless becomes a member of the family. I’m still a fan, having all the Alf episodes on DVD. From childhood to now, I often imagine what it would be like if Alf and other aliens like him truly existed, roaming across the universe in search of adventure and discovery.

But do aliens exist?

This has been the subject of intense study by scientists for decades now. Indeed, there is a scientific field dedicated to the study of extraterrestrial life forms (called “Astrobiology”). Though we have not yet found life beyond earth, scientists expect to eventually do so, and soon.

But does this subject belong to science alone? Can other fields of study answer the question about whether there is life on other planets?

Surprisingly, many a Christian theologian and apologist has considered the possibility.

And what did they say about it?

Aliens don’t exist.

Some will dismiss the scientific case for the possibility extra-terrestrial life as pure bogus. Others will tackle the subject of UFOs, saying that they’re either natural phenomena, misidentified secret aircraft or both. Some will even go so far as to say that both UFOs and supposed alien abductions are actually demonic instead of alien in origin. There are books, documentaries and even movies that support this latter idea. Some theologians say that when the rapture occurs, people might invoke aliens as an explanation for it; people will say that the earth has had a mass alien abduction. We’ve had decades of supposed alien abductions, as well as Star Trek shows where people are beamed up from a planet to a space ship, both of which could lead people to mistake the rapture for alien activity. Many see this as evidence that aliens therefore don’t exist (which is a complete non-Sequitur, but more on that later). Some will even say that if aliens exist, then there is a conundrum; how can they accept Christ as Lord and Savior? Christ died for fallen humanity, for humans who suffer from a sinful nature, due to Adam and Eve’s sin. How could aliens be saved, since Christ didn’t die for them as well? How could their sins be forgiven? Should we believe that Jesus was incarnated on countless worlds and died for them too? This would seem highly unlikely, and this is supposed to make us conclude that aliens therefore don’t exist. Some will also bring up the many requirements for life to exist on earth, and say that all of these factors would be highly unlikely to exist on other worlds. The chances of that happening, according to some Christian theologians and apologists, would be astronomical.

So, are they right? Can one make a Biblical or theological case that ETs don’t exist?

Um, NO, and here is why:

 1. ARGUMENT FROM SILENCE. 

Does the Bible say that Extra-terrestrials exist?

No.

Does the Bible say that they don’t exist?

No.

Does them Bible mention them at all?

No.

This should make one logically conclude that the Bible is silent on the issue, and nothing more. One could speculate on why God would be silent about the idea, but one couldn’t go from speculation to fact when it comes to this question, especially considering that the Bible is not a total revelation of all facts. Instead, it is God’s love letter to humanity, Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth (B.I.B.L.E.). However, many will use this silence as an argument that aliens don’t exist, because if they did, then surely God would have told us in his word, right?

Wrong.

To argue such a position would be to commit an “Argument from Silence” logical fallacy. It’s basically arguing that absence of evidence is evidence of absence, and it’s an error of reasoning that people often make. For example, let’s say that a “historian” (we’ll call him “Richard”) says that no one mentioned Jesus Christ during the time when Jesus lived on earth. If nobody mentioned Jesus at that time, then therefore, according to Richard, Jesus never existed. However, this kind of argument is unbelievably faulty; The vast majority of written documents from the ancient world didn’t survive to the modern era, many historical figures have no contemporary writings about them (Thales of Miletus, Boudicca, Zoroaster the Prophet, Buddha, etc), some historical events have no contemporary written accounts about them (the Pompeii disaster), most people who lived in Galilee at the time of Christ were illiterate (most people in the ancient world were), and historians do not discard a person as a historical figure because they have no contemporaneous accounts about them. No, to be fair, there are some circumstances where you can get away with using an argument from silence (though even then, the argument would be circumstantial), but you have to meet several criteria in order to use is properly. Would God have a good reason to mention aliens in the Bible (If you say yes, then why? What would be the good reason? Are you simply assuming? Remember, assumption is the mother of all screw ups)? Is the subject relevant to God’s purposes in scripture? These are but a few questions one would need to ask themselves before trying to make an Argument from Silence about the question of ETs and the Bible, and just getting one wrong could lead to a fallacious argument.

And guess what the answer is to the questions I just asked?

NO!

Like I said, God doesn’t reveal everything in his word. Not every scientific fact is found in the Bible. Indeed, there are numerous things that we know exist (including on other planets) that the Bible never mentions:

1. Black Holes

2. Volcanoes on other planets (like Olympus Mons, a 16-mile-high Martian Volcano)

3. Mountains on other planets

4. Canyons on other planets (Mars has one that dwarfs the Grand Canyon).

5. Moons orbiting other planets (Jupiter alone is now known to have 79 moons).

6. Water on other planets and moons (Mercury, Uranus, Neptune, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn have water ice. Jupiter, Saturn and Mars all have water vapor. Mars may have liquid water underground, and used to have oceans. Pluto, a dwarf planet, has water ice. Ganymede, Jupiter’s largest moon, has an underground ocean that may have more water than all of Earth’s oceans combined. Europa, another moon of Jupiter, is covered in ice, and may have either an ocean or slushy ice beneath it. There is water ice on our own moon. Such moons are far from unique in our solar system when it comes to water ice. K2-18 b, a planet in another solar system, has water vapor in its atmosphere).

7. Dust devils on other worlds (Mars has dust devils that can reach 5 miles high, dwarfing those of earth)

8. Skies on other planets (the only planet in our solar system without an atmosphere is Mercury.)

9. Weather on other worlds (Jupiter's Great Red Spot is a giant storm that has lasted for at least 150 years)

10. Saturn’s rings (which are made of particles that are more than 90% water ice. These rings were discovered in 1610 AD)

11. Gamma Ray Bursts

12. Coronal Mass Ejections (when the sun spews both plasma and a magnetic field. It’s basically a solar burp).

13. Radiation

If the Bible doesn’t mention any of these things, and yet they have nevertheless been proven to exist…then why would we say that there is no life on other planets because the bible doesn’t mention them? Can you imagine a theologian saying in the 19th century that “The Bible doesn’t mention other planets having mountains, volcanoes, canyons, water, atmospheres, dust devils, weather, and so on, and thus they don’t exist! If they did, God would have told us!”. What if one said “The Bible doesn’t say that Black Holes exist, or that Gamma Ray Bursts or Mass Coronal Ejections exist, therefore they do not exist! Otherwise, God would have surely told us!”? That would be an absurd line of argument, an argument that would have a very poor track record, considering all the things that the Bible doesn’t mention that turned out to actually exist.

But notice, in particular, how many things are found in and around other planets…that the Bible never mentioned. Water, mountains, canyons, volcanoes (including the largest in the solar system), skies, weather, and giant dust devils. They all exist…and yet the Bible never mentions them. Moons exist around most of the planets in our solar system alone (let alone ones in other solar systems), and yet out of all of them…only one moon-ours-is mentioned in the Bible. All of these marvels of God’s creation…and not one of them is mentioned in the Bible.

If the Bible doesn’t mention mountains, volcanoes, water (including ice and oceans), skies and weather on other planets…why would it mention life on other planets?

Now, to be fair, some may object, saying that all of these other things were indeed mentioned in the Bible, albeit not specifically. Instead, they are mentioned in a general, collective sense in Genesis 2:1;

“Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all the host of them.”

This passage is a continuation of the creation account in Genesis 1. It indicates that God created the heavens, earth, and all the “host thereof”, which some would comfortably include planets and everything on them.

However, if some of my fellow believers do so, then they just shot themselves in the foot, for just as the passage indicates that the earth has “hosts” (including living things)…and since the heavens have hosts of their own…then one can conclude that living things on other planets (planets are in the heavens)could possibly be mentioned here in a general sense too! True, the “host of heaven” or “heavenly host” usually means the stars in the bible, nut the passage in question relates that earth also has hosts, which indicates that stars alone are not indicated here. One may try to say that angels are in view here, for they are at times referred to as the “host of Heaven” (1 Kings 22:19) or “heavenly host” (Luke 2:13), and angelic beings (as well as demons) can be found both on earth and in the heavens (Genesis 3:24, Ephesians 2:2, 6:12, Revelation 7:1, 19:14-15). However, there are several problems with this idea. You see, not only is the creation of angels never mentioned in Genesis 1 or 2 (Or anywhere in the Bible), the creation account of Job 38:4-11, when combined with the Genesis creation accounts, indicates that angels existed prior to the 6 days of creation, and thus could not be referenced here in Genesis 2:1 as products of the creation week. True, the creation of aliens is never mentioned in Genesis either, but neither is the creation of land, seas and skies on other worlds, and yet they can be placed within Genesis 2:1 in a general sense.

Why not aliens?

Also, as I’ve written in a previous article, the first creation account in Genesis was not meant to be taken as a literal scientific account of origins. Therefore, it should NEVER be used to dictate or argue scientific truths, including on cosmology and astrobiology. Thus, it doesn’t really answer our question about whether aliens exist or not. 

Plus, we need to keep in mind that the ancient Israelites didn’t know that other physical worlds truly existed, let alone had mountains, volcanoes, water, etc. Indeed, the planets in the night sky were thought to be wandering stars, and no one knew in the ancient world that stars were physical objects. None knew that other planets besides those in the night sky also existed, let alone those that orbit other stars (extrasolar planets are yet another thing not mentioned specifically in the Bible, yet are known to exist). Many ancient civilizations thought that planets were gods. Some ancient Jewish thinkers thought that stars were angels, and “morning stars” (usually planets) were personified as part of the angelic or heavenly host by ancient Israelites (special note: though angels were at times called “stars” (Job 38:7, Revelation 12:4), the Bible itself doesn’t teach that stars are angels. This was a non-biblical teaching, and Genesis 1 shows that stars were no personal beings, but simply parts of God’s perfect creation). Thus, while we can conclude from the creation account that God truly made all things, we cannot conclude that the ancient writers of scripture had modern scientific discoveries in mind when they wrote scripture, or that God likewise had them in mind when he was communicating through that very scripture. He was talking to ancient people in a way that they could understand, not in a way that modern people would desire him to.

 2. DEMON THEORIES AND THE RAPTURE 

Many of my fellow Christians accept the idea that some UFOS and most, if not all, alien abductions are demonic in nature. Many will bring up the fact that some UFOs seem to defy the laws of physics, pulling off maneuvers and speeds that would be supposedly impossible for even advanced alien technology to do…yet possible for supernatural beings to pull off. Many also cite similarities between alien abductions (along with several other kinds of supposed “close encounters”) and demonic activity. For example, both phenomena are at times associated with a sulfur smell (sulfur aka brimstone). This is a great way to scare some Christians away from the subject of life on other planets for sure. To be fair, I wouldn’t put it pass people to mistake demons and even angels as UFOs, nor would I put it past demons to masquerade as UFOS and or aliens in order to jack with people, pull pranks or even lead people away from Christianity (there are UFO cults). Indeed, there are many similarities between alien abduction and Fairy Abduction 

 (according to European folklore, if a person stepped inside a fairy ring (a natural occurring ring of mushrooms), then faeries would party with him or her, keeping the individual “prisoner” for a considerable time before letting him or her go free. Like flying saucers, fairy rings are circular. Like Greys (grey skinned, black eyed aliens), faeries were said to be smaller than human beings…).

Given these factors, should we conclude that aliens don’t exist, that only demons and angels are beyond the wild blue yonder?

Um…nope.

Remember, one can accept the existence of life on other worlds without accepting that UFOs or “Alien” Abductions are extraterrestrial activity. Indeed, most mainstream scientists disregard both UFOs and alien abductions as bonafide evidence of aliens, yet they accept that ETs are a possibility. But let’s dig deeper into these arguments, shall we?

To say that advanced alien technology cannot pull off the stunning feats of some UFOs is shortsighted, considering the many times in the history of science where the “impossible” was proven possible. People once thought that you couldn’t sail around the world because it was flat, yet long before Columbus people started to realize that that wasn’t the case. They said that we could never land people on the Moon, and that the sound barrier could never be broken. Indeed, while scientists accept that the speed of light will never be broken (and with FAR better reason than those who thought the sound barrier would never be broken), they accept that its possible to warp space so that two locations can temporarily come far closer together. You could potentially travel across an entire galaxy in mere moments instead of many, many years. This kind of tech would be a loophole around the light barrier.  Imagine what other loopholes technology could achieve if an alien race was centuries, millennia, even millions or billions of years ahead of our technology? Thus, this objection has no merit.

But what about alien abduction?

Sorry, folks, but alien abduction has less to do with demons and more to do with the waking mind. 

The symptoms of alien abduction are strikingly similar to sleep paralysis, a condition where a person awakes and is paralyzed. This occurs when the mind awakes before the body. Our bodies are designed to limit our physical movements when we sleep. This is why most of us don’t run in real life while we dream of running, or why we don’t punch our pillows when we dream of being in a fight or a boxing match. This is a safety mechanism, keeping us from harming ourselves and others while we sleep. However, some people have trouble with keeping their bodies in check while they slumber (sleepwalkers). Those who suffer from sleep paralysis have the opposite problem; they have trouble regaining their ability to move when they first awake. This symptom would be frightening enough on its own, but there is another eerie symptom that comes with it.

Dreaming while awake. 

People who suffer from sleep paralysis will at times hallucinate while paralyzed, and such hallucinations can be frightening. Indeed, what you end up seeing can be influenced by the culture you grew up in. Europeans in the Middle Ages would see incubus or succubus demons, while people in other ages might see djinns or old hags. 

In our culture, you’ll most likely see aliens. 

True, demons could potentially jack with our dreams, but why should we invoke demons in every case of sleep hallucination that involves aliens? You don’t have to invoke the supernatural when it comes to nightmares, let alone those that are caused by sleep paralysis. Thus, this objection has no merit.

Neither does the rapture-alien theory.

Just because people may blame aliens for the rapture after it occurs doesn’t mean that aliens therefore don’t exist. It’s a non-sequitur. Indeed, many have come up with other potential explanations for the rapture. I’ve heard laser beams being invoked before as a possible way to explain away the rapture. One can invoke a physics disaster at CERN or the cumulative effects of radiation from nuclear testing (the latter explanation was used in the Left Behind films). Nobody would thus argue that laser beams don’t exist, or that nuclear tests therefore don’t produce radiation.

Why then use such an argument against the existence of extraterrestrials?

  3. MISSIONARIES…IN SPACE!!!!!!

If aliens exist, how can they be saved? Surely if they do exist, they would need to be saved, for they’d be sinners like us, right (remember what I said earlier about assumptions?)? And what other beings apart from humans exist that don’t need Jesus’ gift of salvation?

Well, other than angels, animals, plants, fungi, microbes…

True, angels long to look into the subject of salvation (1 Peter 1:10-12), but they are nevertheless not covered by the sacrifice and resurrection of Christ. Indeed, angels did not descend from Adam and Eve, and thus didn’t inherit a sinful nature. They have the potential to sin (case in point: Satan), but they are nevertheless not burdened with a sinful nature that can only be overcome by the death and resurrection of Christ. Likewise, though animals have a spirit (Ecclesiasts 3:21), they likewise did not descend from Adam and Eve, and thus didn’t inherit their sinful nature. Indeed, they are incapable of sin (and please don’t bring up the Serpent in the Garden: even in ancient times, that was known to have been a supernatural being, not a legit snake).

If aliens exist, if other life forms were created by God on other worlds, then they likewise would not have descended from Adam and Eve and thus would not have inherited their sinful natures. Could they sin? Possibly, just like angels (who have no sinful nature) could potentially sin. This doesn’t mean that they would need Jesus to die and rise from the grave for them, just as angels don’t need Jesus to die and rise from the grave for them.

Indeed, who is to say that alien life would be able to understand right from wrong, let alone consciously chose to do evil? Who’s to say that there will be sentient life elsewhere? What if other worlds are only inhabited by animals, plants, fungi, microbes and perhaps other forms of life we haven’t even imagined yet, none of them intelligent? Indeed, some scientists, such as the paleontologist Peter Ward and the Astrobiologist Donald E. Brownlee, believe that the universe is populated with mostly microbes, and that multi-cellular life like our own is exceptionally rare. This view is called the Rare Earth Hypothesis (which both the above scientists wrote about in their book “Rare Earth”). I sincerely doubt that there are microbes that understand right from wrong, or that sin against God (more on the Rare Earth hypothesis later).  

But let’s say that there are alien species out there who are sentient, and who are intelligent enough to chose to obey God or not. Once again, the angel example has to be considered in such cases, but we need to ask another question as well:

Who is to say that aliens likewise had a fall?

Who is to say that all sentient alien species chose to eat forbidden fruit?

Could there be intelligent alien species out there that never suffered the stain of sin? Could there be alien Adam and Eves living in other-worldly Edens? 

Also, what if God made at least some aliens species that already had the knowledge of Good and Evil from the beginning? Humans obviously weren’t ready for it in the Garden of Eden, and it led to a sinful nature that was passed on to Adam and Eve’s descendants, but who is to say that a sentient alien species wouldn’t have been initially made not only with that knowledge, but with the maturity to handle it?

And even if there are sentient alien species whose ancestors had a Fall, whose is to say that God would chose to save them in the exact same way he chose to save us? Whose to say that he wouldn’t cover them under a different kind of grace? Indeed, who is to say that the ultimate ancestors of sinful ETs would have passed on a sinful nature to their descendants like Adam and Eve did with theirs? Wouldn’t their “Falls” be different from that of Adam and Eve? Would it really have involved forbidden fruit as well?

At first, these ideas about Edens and Falls on other worlds seems impossible, considering that the Bible teaches that all creation suffers due to humanity’s sin (not alien’s sins) in Romans 8:18-22. However, this could be hyperbole, over-exaggeration used to prove a point. It seems hard to understand how galaxies countless lightyears from earth could be affected by human sin. Indeed, how could Pluto or Mars be affected by it? True, one could imagine that Adam and Eve’s sin may have spread physical death across the universe…but that’s where things get very, very complicated…

You see, some may bring up the supposed “fact” that Adam and Eve’s sin brought death into existence (1 Corinthians 15:20-21), and that death is only mentioned as being on earth (Romans 5:12). However, this is faulty for several reasons.

  1. Just because the bible mentions death only on earth doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist on other worlds. If I say that soccer is played in Brazil, does that mean that it is not played elsewhere? If I say that black bears inhabit Texas, does that mean that Texas is the only place were black bears can be found? If I say that monotheism, the belief that there is only one God, was a major tenet of ancient Israelite religion, does that mean that the concept was not known in other cultures (for a time, ancient Egypt worshipped Aten the Sun Disk, and no other God)? If I say that Pizza is Italian food, does that mean that pizza is only found in Italy?

2. Whenever we look at these passages more closely (as well as another connected passage (Romans 6:23), we can see that it is relating to humans, not other creatures. Now, animals, plants, microbes and fungi die as well as humans, and yet…humans are the subject of the context of the passages in question.

Why?

Because these passages are not talking about physical death, but spiritual death.

This is confirmed in Genesis 2:17 and 3:2-7. Let’s look at the first passage:

“but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” (emphasis mine)

Now let’s look at the second passage:

“And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” (Emphasis mine)

Now, compare this to the rest of Genesis chapter 3.

Um, notice that Adam and Eve are not killed?

Wow, was the Serpent right after all? Was God fibbing when he said that Adam and Eve would die if they ate the forbidden fruit? After all, their eyes were “opened” after they ate, just like the serpent said, and they lived over it. Was the Serpent actually telling the truth?

Only if God was referring to physical death.

God, however, was referring to spiritual death. He was referring to the separation that sin makes between God and man, a separation that can only be overcome by Jesus Christ and his gift of salvation.

That is the kind of death that these passages are talking about.

3. Death existed before the Fall.

As I’ve argued in an earlier article, death actually existed before Adam and Eve’s Fall. Not only were they not created immortal (they would have had to have eaten of the Tree of Life in order to live forever, and they never got the chance to do it (Genesis 3), the Bible never indicates that any animal ate of the Tree of Life and likewise became immortal. Indeed, the Bible indicates that the tree of life was not found anywhere else in the world (Genesis 3:22-24). If Adam, Eve and the animals were already immortal (they weren’t but indulge me)…then why would there be a tree of life, whose fruit offers immortality? It’s a tad redundant, don’t you think? Its on par with putting a tree whose fruit is designed to help people get thin at a supermodel convention, 

or trying to sell fertility drugs to pregnant women.

 In both cases, there is a product available to people who obviously don’t need it. Indeed, the fact that Adam and Eve had not eaten of the Tree of Life before or after the Fall, the fact that they were not immortal at the time means that, if they hadn’t sinned in the Garden yet still never ate of the Tree of Life…then they would eventually die. The potential for physical death was already there, implying that physical death was already in the world. Thus, physical death didn’t enter the universe because of the Fall. Spiritual death did. That spiritual death sentence didn’t spread to animals or angels, so why would it spread to aliens?

 Another thing we have to ask ourselves is what do we mean by intelligent life and sentient beings? Non-human apes are actually both, yet they are not sinners. They are still animals and not as intelligent as humans, they are nevertheless intelligent, in some cases enough so to learn sign language. Indeed, some have argued that many animals have a more code, knowing “right” from “wrong” (though not knowing it intimately as humans, which wouldn’t have been the case before the Fall. There was a primitive sense of right and wrong that Adam and Eve knew of before the Fall (God allowing them to eat of the garden, but not of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. There were right choices…and a wrong choice). Would aliens as intelligent and sentient as the great apes, and with a primitive sense of morality, need a savior?

No more than animals do.

But this brings up an important question: What makes man different from animals? The Bible indicates that, unlike animals, we are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26-27). As I noted in another article, this does not mean that we are the only creatures with a soul. This is an eisegetical interpretation that has no basis in the historical and cultural background of the Bible, let alone merit. Indeed, ancient near eastern kings were often said to be in the image of a certain god. This reinforced their authority as kings over their people. It was a reason why they had dominion over them. Likewise, Adam and Eve are made in God’s image, and had dominion over their subjects, the animals. We are all in God’s image, and thus represent God to nature. We represent his authority to the earth. Hence, one major reason why God is ticked off when we sin; we violate the very image that we bear when we sin.

But what if aliens, even intelligence aliens, were not made in God’s image? What if they were never given a sacred dominion over their worlds? At first this seems impossible, for surely aliens with at least our level of intelligence would be the dominant life forms on their worlds as we are over earth, but then again…angels are likewise intelligent (FAR more so than human beings), and yet…where are they ever said to have been made in the image of God?

Name one Bible verse that says that angels are made in God’s image. 

Indeed, angels rule in Heaven under God, just as we rule on earth under God, and yet angels are still not said to be in the image of God.  

Also, the ancients already set down the basics for intelligent beings that weren’t made in the divine image; unlike the Israelites, many in the ancient near east thought that only their kings were made in a deity’s image. Everybody else, every other member of homo sapiens, the most intelligent life form on earth…was not. And yet they would have recognized humans as the dominant life form on the planet. We likewise might see intelligent ETs in a similar light. They can have dominion over their planets, but not one based on the divine image of God. Indeed, there would have been other ruling authorities in ancient near eastern kingdoms (such as queens, princes, etc), yet they neither had the power of a king nor were thought to be in the image of a deity. Aldo, dinosaurs practically ruled the earth for millions of years, and yet they were not made in the image of God (or for that matter remotely intelligent, save for a few species). Same goes for the Theraspids or mammal-like reptiles who were the dominant land animals before them, and other animals which dominated the earth before mankind was created.

Thus, if intelligent aliens sinned from the beginning, yet weren’t made in God’s image…would they still have passed on a sinful nature to their descendants? Would their sin be as grievous as ours? Would it necessitate the death and resurrection of Christ? These questions are even more interesting considering the fact that there is Biblical and other evidence to show that Adam and Eve were meant to not just be intelligent life forms in the Bible and have dominion over earth, but were also to be a priest and priestess of God, respectively (both a priestly and royal role, like Melchizedek and Christ himself). Would aliens have likewise has such a priestly role initially? What if they didn’t? What if they also weren’t made in the Image of God? Would they still need a death and resurrection of God the Son in order to enter Heaven…or would they be under a different kind of grace? Seems like the latter would be far more likely. If aliens didn’t have a priestly and kingly role, would humans actually have more authority than them, at least in some way? Not impossible. Though they weren’t the most powerful tribe (and unlike the others, had no land appointed to them), the Levites where in charge of religious matters and the Tabernacle (later Temple). Due to Adam and Eve’s priestly role, would we likewise have religious authority over aliens? Would we have even more authority? Were we meant to be a priestly race? It’s interesting to note that not only are Christians a royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9), but one day, we as believers in Christ will judge even angels (1 Corinthians 6:3).

 4. MATH, CHANCE AND THE RARE EARTH

Some Christians have taken to the rare earth hypothesis, which as previously stated is the idea that complex life is exceptionally rare. The reason why some scientists believe this is because there are supposedly at least 152 parameters needed for life like our own to exist on earth, including having a moon of the right size, having only 1 moon, having a specific tilt and volcanic activity. Indeed, if we calculate the chances of another planet like ours having all of these parameters, it would be 1 in 19 with 193 zeros behind it. To put this into perspective, the estimated number of planets in the universe is 10 with 22 zeros behind it. In other words, the chances aren’t good for advanced life forms like ours to exist on other worlds. The chances that one world-ours-would have all these parameters would be astronomical, let along if there were at least one other which likewise beat the odds. Ours would be a universe filled with microbes, but not animals, fungi, plants or sentient beings. This is an intriguing possibility, but it has several fatal flaws.

1. If you are a Christian (Like I am), then you believe that all life, including human life, has something in common with every other aspect of creation; it was all created by God, not chance.

 Indeed, creationists will argue against the idea that life on earth came about by chance and certain circumstances (stating that it would be impossible for chance and circumstances alone to do it. You’d need a supernatural creator to explain how life began), and yet when it comes to life on other worlds…they will invoke chance and circumstances as an argument against it, without considering God. That would be the equivalent of an atheist saying that just because there is no contemporaneous accounts of Socrates or Thales of Miletus doesn’t mean that they therefore didn’t exist…and yet later say that there are no contemporaneous accounts of Jesus Christ, therefore he didn’t exist.

If God made us, why would aliens be made by chance and circumstances?

Is God incapable of overcoming the mathematical odds? Since when did he become weak? Since when did he become incapable of overcoming math?

You cannot use a Double Standard as a logical argument, and the chance argument is being used in such a way.

2. Most scientists do not hold to the rare Earth Hypothesis. Indeed, in science, the term “hypothesis” is used in the same way as we use the word “Theory”, while “Theory” in science is a scientific explanation that has withstood a lot of testing. This doesn’t make scientific theories absolute (some theories have been discarded), but it does mean that it has past enough tests to be considered a theory. Hypotheses, however, have not withstood a lot of testing yet. Thus, the Rare Earth Hypothesis, though interesting, is not as powerful an argument against advanced alien life as many believe it to be.

3. The parameters needed for our form of life (or even for planets like earth and solar systems like ours to form) are not as rigid as you think. For example, contrary to purveyors of the Rare Earth hypothesis, life on earth would actually be possible if earth was 2-5% further away from the Sun and tilted on its side like Uranus. Indeed, it could be 1.4 times further from the sun and tilted, and still have our kind of life if an intense greenhouse effect were present. Likewise, there is biological evidence to show that not having a big moon would not have made complex life impossible on earth. Indeed, the idea that complex life couldn’t be on earth if it rotated faster is bogus, considering that it rotated more than 10 percent faster during the Ordovician Period (490-443 million years ago). 

The days in the Ordovician were 21 hours long, not 24. Though there were few living things on land at the time (lichens), the seas were filled with animals like trilobites, sea scorpions, armor-plated fish and Cameraceras, the giant orthocone (see below).

 Indeed, the rotation of the earth has been constantly slowing since that period of time, until we attained a 24-hour day. This means that the rotation of the earth was faster in the Permian period (the time of Dimetrodon), the Mesozoic period (the time of the Dinosaurs), and through all the ice ages afterwards. 

Obviously, a faster rotation wasn’t a problem for complex life back then. Why would it be a problem for potential life on other planets with a faster rotation than earth? If modern living things couldn’t survive on an earth with a faster rotation (I don’t believe that, but let’s indulge the idea for a second), then obviously animals, plants, fungi and microbes that lived in eras where the earth had a faster rotation were obviously adapted to survive in an environment than living things in the modern world are not.

Just as alien life forms could be adapted to survive on planets with faster rotations.

4. What if, during ancient times, the Fijians of the Fiji Islands sailed down to Antarctica? What would they have thought about that vast region of ice and howling winds? Its obviously not suitable for the animals and plants that are native to Fiji, such as the Monkey Face Bat (aka the Fijian Monkey-Faced Flying Fox), Coconut Crab, Fiji Crested Iguana and Coconut palm. It’s too cold, has too great a wind chill, has no plant life, no true summer or spring, none of the marine species familiar to Fijians or their terrestrial wildlife, little if any fresh water (and what would be there would be too cold), etc. Antarctica doesn’t meet all of the parameters needed to sustain animal and plant life native to Fiji.

Would the Fijians conclude therefore that no life exists on Antarctica?

Perhaps they might…until they saw penguins there. 

Likewise, just because most, if not all worlds in the universe don’t meet the parameters to sustain our form of complex life doesn’t mean that they don’t have complex life on them. Remember, we didn’t come about by chance, but by God, and God is a master artist with an unlimited imagination. Want to see proof of God’s great imagination? Look at a Duck-Billed Platypus. Look at a Giraffe. Look at a Crown of Thorns Starfish or a giant tube worm. The latter alone lives on the Pacific sea floor, in an environment without plants. It never experiences sunlight, has no stomach or true mouth, and yet “feeds” off Carbon Monoxide and Hydrogen Sulfide, poisons which would kill most other animals on earth. Once these gases are inside it, they are consumed by bacteria, which make up half of a giant tubeworm’s weight. Once these bacteria “poop”, the giant tube worm consumes their excrement. Oh, and by the way; they live near underwater volcanoes, withstanding temperatures that would make a Texas summer seem cold! Such an environment doesn’t meet the parameters needed for surface or even marine life that lives far above the habitat of the giant tubeworm, and yet…the giant tubeworm, along with other life forms at the bottom of the sea, survive and thrive.

And that, of course, is far from the limits of what God, the Artist of Artists, could come up with.

Indeed, at one time, it was thought by scientists that the deepest parts of the ocean could not support life. After all, it didn’t meet the parameters needed for life to be there; no sunlight (thus no plants), extreme cold and unearthly pressure should have made life (like ours) impossible, and it’s true, such an environment was not suitable for land animals or even animals that live in shallower waters. This concept was known as Azoic Theory, and it would be accepted by a scientific consensus for years.

And yet…it was overturned.

Several expeditions were finding evidence that the theory was wrong. The final nail in the coffin came in 1960, when the bathyscape Trieste reached the bottom of the Mariana Trench, the deepest part of the world’s oceans (11 kilometers). 

There, Jacques Piccard, the Trieste’s pilot, spotted both a shrimp and a flat fish.

In other words, God made what was thought to be impossible to exist.

Our God is a God of the impossible (Matthew 19:26)!

True, the parameters needed for our kind of life to exist on other worlds could potentially be staggering (though as seen above, not as staggering as you think), but that assumes that life on other world would have to be like our kind of life, that God wouldn’t design living things to exist on different planets with far different environments. Why would God limit himself? After all, he’s made purely supernatural life forms (angels), so why not make biological life forms on other worlds that differ from those of Earth?

By now, we can see that such arguments against the idea of ETs are flawed. Indeed, its quite interesting that a lot of my fellow Christians try to use science to debunk the concept, even though science supports the idea that life exists on other worlds, and that some alien life will be complex. One could understand if Evolution was the subject, but alien life is the subject, and the Biblical message isn’t harmed by either the existence or non-existence of ETs (though as I’ve mentioned in another article, even evolution fails as an argument against God, let alone Christianity).

Indeed, as I’ve mentioned, the Bible doesn’t say yeah or nay on the issue.

Why?

Well, once again, the Bible isn’t intended to give all knowledge; its intended for us to know that God loves us. As Galileo once said “The Bible tells us how to go to Heaven, not how the heavens go.” It’s also seems obvious that God didn’t consider life on other planets important enough to mention, just as he didn’t consider mountains on other planets, volcanoes on other planets and ice on other planets as important enough to mention. God’s word isn’t a science treatise, but his message of love and reconciliation with mankind.

So, since God doesn’t say yeah or nay on the subject, how can we use the Bible to figure out whether there is alien life or not?

We can’t.

Indeed, if you study what the Bible says about such unclear matters, you would not even make the attempt.  

Why?

Read on…

  5. THE SECRET THINGS…

Moses gave a lot of speeches to the Israelites. In one of these, recorded in Deuteronomy 29, he goes over some of the recent history of the Israelites, as well as warning them not to stray from God’s word, from his teaching.

At the end of his speech, he says something quite perplexing:

“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.”

Read that passage several times…then consider the fact that aliens are never mentioned in the Bible, that it never states whether aliens exist or not. Do this several times, then ask yourself…is the existence (or non-existence) of aliens a secret thing that belongs to the Lord? It obviously has to be, if God doesn’t say yea or nay on the issue. If God chose not to reveal the answer to this question, then it truly is a secret thing that belongs to him. This doesn’t mean that we can’t study this question scientifically (remember, the bible doesn’t mention ice, volcanoes, mountains and canyons on other worlds, yet we know they exist on them. We learned this because we studied this scientifically, not theologically). However, this does mean that God chose not to answer this question in his word. The Bible has FAR more important things to teach us, including Jesus and his gift of salvation. When it comes to aliens, we must never say that the Bible indicates that they exist or don’t exist. The Bible is unclear on this, which indicates that it is a secret thing that belongs to the Lord. We cannot therefore be dogmatic on the issue, saying that they exist or don’t exist for theological reasons. If we want to answer this question, we need to scientifically figure it out. God gave us the minds and the abilities to do this, and whether the ultimate answer to this question is yay or nay, either way we will learn more about God’s creation, and give further glory to God in the process.

 Sources:

https://www.npr.org/2018/07/17/629396121/galileo-would-be-stunned-jupiter-now-has-79-moons

https://www.space.com/28807-jupiter-moon-ganymede-salty-ocean.html

https://science.nasa.gov/astrophysics/focus-areas/black-holes

“Alien Oceans: the Search for Life in the Depths of Space” by Kevin Hand, 121

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Alien_Oceans/mGW1DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Ganymede+has+an+ocean&pg=PA121&printsec=frontcover

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/2019/09/first-water-found-in-habitable-exoplanets-atmosphere-hubble-kepler-k2-18b/

https://www.spacecentre.nz/resources/faq/solar-system/which-planets-have-water.html 

https://www.space.com/jupiter-great-red-spot.html

https://mars.nasa.gov/gallery/atlas/olympus-mons.html

https://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_83.html

https://www.space.com/41554-water-ice-moon-surface-confirmed.html

https://solarsystem.nasa.gov/moons/jupiter-moons/europa/in-depth/

https://www.space.com/how-long-to-find-alien-life-iac2019.html

https://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/2019/nasa-s-hubble-finds-water-vapor-on-habitable-zone-exoplanet-for-1st-time

https://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/science/objects/bursts1.html

https://www.lpi.usra.edu/education/explore/ice/background/iceSolarSystem/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/difference-between-hypothesis-and-theory-usage

https://www.nasa.gov/specials/ocean-worlds/

“95 Worlds and Counting” Documentary

“Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” Documentary

https://www.biblegateway.com/resources/encyclopedia-of-the-bible/Priests-Levites

“The Handy Geology Answer Book” by Patricia Barnes-Svarney and Thomas E. Svarney, 353-370

“The End Times-in the Words of Jesus” Documentary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PZ2Vfcx76g

https://historyforatheists.com/2018/05/jesus-mythicism-3-no-contemporary-references-to-jesus/

http://www.tektonics.org/jesusexist/jexfound.php

https://www.history.com/news/was-jesus-real-historical-evidence

https://www.ancient.eu/Jesus_Christ/

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Thales-of-Miletus

“Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible” (NIV), 867, 2244

“IVP Bible Background Commentary: Old Testament” by John H. Walton, Victor H. Matthews and Mark W. Chavalas, 509

“The Biblical World: An Illustrated Atlas” by Jean-Pierre Isbouts, 267-69

https://airandspace.si.edu/exhibitions/exploring-the-planets/online/discovery/greeks.cfm

https://www.swpc.noaa.gov/phenomena/coronal-mass-ejections

https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Broken_Bible/WLSgOByXmVIC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=UFO+sulfur+smell&pg=PA299&printsec=frontcover

https://www.ancient-origins.net/human-origins-folklore/do-you-dare-enter-fairy-ring-mythical-mushroom-portals-supernatural-003677

“Abduction: Human Encounters With Aliens” by John Edward Mack, 391

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Abduction_Human_Encounters_with_Aliens/gw4ex2zpcMgC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=UFOS+defy+laws+of+physics&pg=PA391&printsec=frontcover

 “Unexplained!” (New Edition) by Jerome Clark, 424-25, 443,

“Unexplained Phenomena: a Rough Guide” by Bob Rickard and John Michell, 132-34,

https://www.murdoch.edu.au/news/series/series-articles/future-in-technology/will-travelling-at-warp-speed-ever-be-possible

https://www.google.com/books/edition/What_Is_Relativity/e9erAgAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=the+sound+barrier+could+never+be+broken&pg=PA28&printsec=frontcover  

https://www.nasa.gov/audience/forstudents/k-4/stories/nasa-knows/ring-a-round-the-saturn.html

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15881271

https://airandspace.si.edu/exhibitions/exploring-the-planets/online/solar-system/mars/wind/dust-devils.cfm

https://www.nytimes.com/1999/07/06/science/alien-abduction-science-calls-it-sleep-paralysis.html

“Attack of the Killer Facts!” by Eric Grzymkowski, 218

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2005/09/alien-abduction-claims-explained/

“The Oxford Companion to Consciousness” by Time Bayne, Axel Cleeremans and Patrick Wilken, 351

https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Oxford_Companion_to_Consciousness/ICf-AgAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=incubus+old+hags++aliens&pg=PA351&printsec=frontcover

“Are you Dreaming? Exploring Lucid Dreams: A Comprehensive Guide” by Daniel Love, 48-49

https://careicahealth.com/news/corporate/2018/64/an-intruder-at-the-foot-of-the-bed-alien-abductions-and-other-sleep-phenomenons/

http://sleepeducation.org/sleep-disorders-by-category/parasomnias/sleep-hallucinations/overview-facts

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/narcolepsy/symptoms/hallucinations-and-sleep-paralysis

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Sleep_Paralysis/NErCCQAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=sleep+paralysis+alien+abduction&pg=PT192&printsec=frontcover

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Sleep_Paralysis/mtqmCAAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=sleep+paralysis+hallucinations&pg=PA76&printsec=frontcover

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BO13BSSjsYU&t=740s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw2LCTQHMUI&t=405s

“Life Everywhere: The Maverick Science of Astrobiology” by David Darling, 91-116

https://sirtravisjacksonoftexas.tumblr.com/post/615429668528668672/was-there-animal-death-before-the-fall-were

https://sirtravisjacksonoftexas.tumblr.com/post/616937902725857280/is-genesis-1-scientifically-inaccurate-um-no

“Science: Was the Bible Ahead of its Time?” by Ralph O. Muncaster, 20-21

“Why are Scientists Turning to God?” by Ralph O. Muncaster, 26-27, 28-35

“Creation VS Evolution” by Ralph O. Muncaster, 10, 29, 36, 38-41

“Chased by Sea Monsters” by Nigel Marvin and Jasper James, 26-45

“The Complete Guide to Prehistoric Life” by Tim Haines and Paul Chambers, 13, 21-22

https://www.captaincookcruisesfiji.com/blog/fijis-plants-wildlife-look-holiday/

https://vacationinthetropicalrainforest.weebly.com/animal-life.html

https://www.google.com/books/edition/The_Rough_Guide_to_Fiji_Travel_Guide_eBo/6FI4DwAAQBAJ?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Coconut+crab+fiji&pg=PT433&printsec=frontcover

“Weird Science: Mad Marvels from Around the World” by Matt Lake and Randy Fairbanks, 13

“Into the Deep” by Karsten Schneider and Peter Batson, 172-73, 196, 218

“Ocean Odyssey” Documentary.

“Alien Planet” Documentary

https://www.centerforgreatapes.org/treatment-apes/faqs/

https://www.livescience.com/24802-animals-have-morals-book.html

“Horizons: Exploring the Universe” by Michael Seeds and ‎Dana Backman, 57

https://www.google.com/books/edition/Horizons_Exploring_the_Universe/cMfWYFSITOgC?hl=en&gbpv=1&dq=Galileo+bible+tells+us+how+to+go+to+heaven+not+how+the+heavens+go&pg=PA57&printsec=frontcover

[bookofjin]

Annals of Emperor An, Part 2

[The Yuanxing era]

[Yuanxing 1, 18 February 402 – 7 February 403]

1st Year of Yuanxing [“Inaugural Flourishing”], Spring, 1st Month, gengwu [18 February], New Moon, a great amnesty. Changed the inaugural.

Used the General of the Rear, Yuanxian as Great General of Agile Cavalry, Great Chief Controller of Conquering and Punishing; the General who Quells North, Liu Laozhi, as Yuanxian's vanguard; the General of the Van, the King of Qiao, Shangzhi, as the rear guard; to accordingly punish Huan Xuan.

2nd Month, bingwu [26 March], the Emperor in military dress saw Yuanxian off at the Western Pond.

On dingsi [6 April], dispatched also the Palace Attendant, the King of Qi, Rouzhi due to a zouyu being proclaimed and circulated in Jing and Jiang provinces.

On dingmao [16 April] Huan Xuan defeated the kingly host at Gushu. The King of Qiao, Shangzhi, and the King of Qi, Rouzhi, both died there.

Used the General of the Right, Wu Yinzhi as Commander-in-Chief of All Army Affairs of Jiao and Guang provinces, and Inspector of Guang province.

3rd Month, jisi [18 April], Liu Laozhi rebelliously surrendered to Huan Xuan.

On xinwei [20 April], the kingly host achieved defeat at Xinting. The Great General of Agile Cavalry, the Heir to the King of Kuaiji, Yuanxian, the King of Donghai, Yanzhang, the General of the Best of the Army, Mao Tai, and the General who Roams and Strikes, Mao Sui were all murdered.

On renshen [21 April], Huan Xuan made himself Palace Attendant, Imperial Chancellor, Recording the Affairs of the Masters of Writing. Used Huan Qian as Supervisor of the Masters of Writing. Moved the Grand Tutor, the King of Kuaiji, Daozi, to Ancheng.

Xuan soon again declared himself Grand Commandant and Shepherd of Yang province, and gathered up the hundred measures. Used the King of Langye, Dewen, as Grand Steward.

The Grand Warden of Linhai, Xin Jing, struck Sun En, and beheaded him.

This Month [18 April – 17 May], Tufa Lilugu died. His younger brother Rutan inherited the bogus rank.

Autumn, 7th Month, yihai [22 August], the King of Xincai, Chong, was murdered by his slave.

8th Month, gengzi [16 September], calamity below the residence of the Masters of Writing.

Winter, 10th Month [11 November – 10 December], the Inspector of Ji province, Liu Gui rebelliously ran to Murong De.

12th Month, gengshen [3 February], the King of Kuaiji, Daozi, was murdered by Huan Xuan.

A limited amnesty in Guangling and Pengcheng for great disobedience and below.

[Yuanxing 2, 8 February 403 – 27 January 404]

2nd Year, Spring, 2nd Month, xinchou [16 March], the General who Establishes Power, Liu Yu, routed Xu Daofu in Dongyang.

On yimao [30 March], Huan Xuan declared Great General.

On dingsi [1 April], the Inspector of Ji province, Sun Wuzhong, was murdered by Huan Xuan.

Summer, 4th Month, guisi [7 May], New Moon, an eclipse of the sun [OK. In parts of southern China this was a total eclipse. http://xjubier.free.fr/en/site_pages/solar_eclipses/xSE_GoogleMap3.php?Ecl=+04030507&Acc=2&Umb=1&Lmt=1&Mag=0]

Autumn, 8th Month [2 September – 1 October], Xuan also titled himself Chancellor of State, and King of Chu.

9th Month [2 October – 31 October], the Grand Warden of Nanyang, Yu Ze, rose up with righteous troops. He was defeated by Xuan.

Winter, 11th Month, renwu [22 December], Xuan moved the Emperor to the Yong'an [“Perpetual Calm”] Palace.

On guiwei [23 December], shifted the Grand Temple's spirit tables to Langye state.

12th Month, renchen [1 January], Xuan usurped the rank, and used the Emperor as King of Pinggu.

On xinhai [20 January], the Emperor suffered dust to Xunyang.

[Yuanxing 3, 28 January 404 – 14 February 405]

3rd Year, Spring, 2nd Month [27 February – 26 March], the Emperor was at Xunyang.

On gengyin [28 February], night, waves of water entered Shitou, rapidly killing households of people.

On yimao [24 March], the General who Establishes the Martial, Liu Yu, led Liu Yi of Pei state, He Wuji of Donghai, and others, raised righteous troops.

On bingchen [25 March], beheaded the Inspector of Xu province appointed by Huan Xuan, Huan Xiu, at Jingkou, and the Inspector of Qing province, Huan Hong, at Guangling.

On dingsi [26 March], the Righteous host crossed Jiang.

3rd Month, wuwu [27 March], Liu Yu beheaded Xuan's general Wu Fuzhi at Jiangcheng, beheaded Huangfu Fu at Luoluo.

On jiwei [28 March], Xuan's multitudes scattered and escaped.

On gengshen [29 March], Liu Yu set up a temporary government, and arranged the hundred officials.

On renxu [31 March], Huan Xuan's Minister over the Masses, Wang Mi, pushed forward Liu Yu [as] Acting General of the Headquarter Army, Inspector of Xu province, Commander-in-Chief of All Army Affairs of Yang, Xu, Yan, Yu, Qing, Ji, You and Bing provinces, Acting with the Tally. Liu Yu used Mi to act as Inspector of Yang province, Recording the Affairs of the Masters of Writing.

On xinyou [30 March?], Liu Yu executed the Supervisor of the Left of the Masters of Writing, Wang Yu, Yu's son, the Inspector of Jing province, Sui, and the Inspector of Si province, Wen, Xiang.

On xinwei [9 April], Huan Xuan pressured the Emperor to go up west.

On bingxu [24 April], a secret decree used hidden pressured [?] on Xuan. [Since] the ten thousand moments were false and empty, ordered the King of Wuling, Zun, to rely on the old canons, to succeed to overall authority of acting on the affairs of the hundred officials, concurrently Palace Attendant, the remainder like before. Also a great amnesty for planning rebellion from great disobedience and below, only those descendant from Huan Xuan's grandfather were not pardoned.

Summer, 4th Month, jichou [27 April], the Great General, the King of Wuling, Zun, declared authority, with overall command of the ten thousand moments.

On gengyin [28 April], the Emperor arrived at Jiangling.

On gengxu [18 May], the General who Assists the State, He Wuji, and the General who Raises the Martial, Liu Daogui, and Huan Xuan's generals Yu Zhi and He Danzhi, fought at Penkou, and greatly routed them.

Xuan again pressured the Emperor to go down east.

5th Month, guiyou [10 June], the General of the Best of the Army, Liu Yi, and Huan Xuan fought at Zhengrong Island. Again routed him.

On jimao [16 June], the Emperor again favoured Jiangling.

On xinsi [18 June], the Adjutant of Jing province, Wang Kangchan, and rhe Grand Warden of Nan commandery, Wang Tengzhi, welcomed the Emperor to stay in Nan commandery.

On renwu [19 June], the Controller-Protector Feng Qian beheaded Huan Xuan at Mopan Island. The Driving Carriage returned to propriety at Jiangling.

On jiashen [21 June], a decree said:

Faithless, fiendish, usurpating rebels have existed since ancient times. We were not able preventing and stop bit by bit [?], thereby causing disseminating beyond. [We] rely on the General of the Headquarter Army, Yu to outstandingly plan and strive to send out, his loyalty and bravery beyond the generation, the General of the Best of the Army, Yi, and others, with sincere hearts lodged to manifest, uniting to aid together the excellent plan. The righteous sound is already arisen, gentlemen and commoners make efforts for moderation, the altars of grain and soil begin to calm, the Four Seas uniformly celebrate. Thus a great amnesty, all those various who feared to pressure affairs and bent to disobey the instructions, none will be questioned [?].

On wuyin [15 June], received the spirit tables to enter into the Great Temple.

Intercalary Month, jichou [26 June], Huan Xuan's old General who Spreads the Martial, Huan Zhen, captured Jiangling. Liu Yi and He Wuji withdrew to defend Xunyang. The Emperor again suffered dust to the traitors' encampment.

6th Month [23 July – 21 August], the Inspector of Yi province, Mao Qu, punished the bogus Inspector of Liang# province, Huan Xi, and beheaded him.

Autumn, 7th Month, wushen [13 September], the Yong'an August Empress, Ms. He, expired.

8th Month, guiyou [8 October], entombed and buried the Majestic Emperor's Exemplarious August Empress in the Perpetual Peace [yongping] Mound.

9th Month [20 October – 17 November], the former Serving within the Palace, Diao Cheng, and the Assistant of the Private Writers, Wang Maizhi planned rebellion. They were sentenced to execution.

Winter, 10th Month [18 November – 17 December], Lu Xun robbed Guang province. The Inspector, Wu Yinzhi, was defeated by Xun. He seized the Chancellor of Shixing, Ruan Tianzhi and turned back.

Murong De died. His elder brother's son Chao inherited the bogus rank.

[acelezz]

“L is For Luna” (Part 1): A Saluna Fanfic

A/N: ok, so I got this idea for an episode for The Loud House a few nights ago when I couldn’t fall asleep from drinking too much Dr. Pepper (I’m very sensitive to sugar) and thought it would make an excellent Saluna short story. I had so much energy that I wrote the whole entire thing out in my head but that was a few nights ago and I don’t remember the exact dialogue so this is slightly altered from the original (and probably better since I had more time to think it out), but the concept remains the same. I hope that you guys enjoy my first TLH fanfic!

...

Title: L is For Luna

Summary: When Luna finds a love letter in her locker, she hopes that it is her crush Sam, but is doubtful. With the help of her ten siblings, Luna will find out whether her dreams of being with Sam will ever be a reality or not.

Part: 1

Author: L-is-For-Loud-House

Fandom: The Loud House

Ship: Saluna (Luna Loud and Sam Sharp)

Timeline: A few months after “L is For Love”

Genre: Fanfiction/Romance

Word Count: 1,425

...

“Ugh, it’s just another manic Monday,” 15 year old Luna Loud sighed as she walked to her locker.

Her morning so far had been disastrous. She had almost been late to school because her family van, Vanzilla, had broke down on the side of the road. This was a common thing for the Loud family since the vehicle is older than their own father. Luckily, Luna’s little 6 year old sister, Lana, who is highly educated in mechanics, was able to repair the alternator, which had been completely fried.

“What an awful way to start off the day and the school week!” She stated as she had finally reached her locker, “What good can this day possibly be?”

Luna soon realized that she had spoke too soon. As soon as the rocker had opened up her locker, a white envelope fluttered out and danced its way down to the floor. Luna noticed that the words “L. Loud” had been written on it with red marker and were surrounded by a bunch of hearts.

“Whoa, a love letter!” Luna exclaimed as she bent down to pick the letter up. “Rockin’!”

Luna excitedly opened up the envelope and took the letter out to see that it read:

“Dear L. Loud,

You will always be able to stand out to me even in the largest crowd. You have always been able to catch my eye due the fact that you have never been afraid to be your unique self. Sorry for the wait, but I realized that if I never told the girl that I have a crush on how rad I think she is, I would never be able to live with myself.

From,

Your Secret Admirer”

“Secret Admirer?” Luna questioned. “Bogus! Now I gotta spend who knows how long figuring out who wrote this lovely letter!”

Luna started to gather the books that she needed for her first few classes when she had made a realization. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have said that because getting frustrated over the fact that my admirer chose to remain anonymous would make me nothing but a hypocrite.”

Luna then thought back to when she had first started to write love letters to her crush and good friend, Samantha Sharp. She had been crushing on the girl ever since she had moved to Royal Woods when they were both in 8th grade. Luna had been meaning to confess her feelings for awhile but never had the guts to do it. However, one day a few months ago, Luna’s 11 year old brother, Lincoln, found a love letter in their mailbox that had been addressed to “L. Loud”. Luna and her ten siblings were all excited and since they are all “L. Loud”, they were all curious to find out who the letter was for. Luna’s 8 year old sister, Lucy, had the excellent idea for everyone to give their crushes tokens of affection so that more letters would be sent so that the Loud siblings could narrow down who it was for. Luckily, Lucy’s idea worked as the family received more letters. Eventually, the Loud siblings had narrowed down that all of the letters were meant for Luna due to the fact that the secret admirer spoke of someone who had brown hair, who loves all things British, and who loves music. Luna was confused with how the letter could be meant for her since she never sent any tokens or signals to Sam because she was afraid that she would react negatively if she was not into girls or if she did not feel the same way. Yet, the letter described Luna perfectly so she decided to go to Bangers and Mash, where her secret admirer told her to meet up for a date.

Upon initially not being able to find Sam but her own parents instead, Luna and her ten siblings soon learned that all of the love letters were actually from their own mother and that they were for their own father. Luna was a bit bummed out that she was not going on a date with Sam, but her mother’s story of being too nervous to talk to the man of her dreams but eventually winning him over with her love letters totally inspired her. It was that in that moment, Luna realized that she needs to stop waiting around for Sam and that she needs to stop being a chicken and finally talk to her about her feelings. So of course, like her mother, she began to do this through love letters. Luna is too nervous to let Sam know that she is the one who has been sending her love letters so until Sam figures out that it’s her or until Luna feels confident enough to finally sign her name on a letter or tell Sam that it’s her, she will remain anonymous.

“Hey, Lunes, are you ready to rock it today in band?” That voice that Luna always found to sweet and cool asked, interrupting Luna’s daydreaming.

“Oh, hey, dude!” Luna cooly replied as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and slammed her locker shut, “Yep, I’m totally ready, mate! I’m so excited for Ms. B to give us a new piece today! I really wish that we had band first period instead of second period.”

Since Luna and Sam have been classmates and good friends since 8th grade, Luna has mastered the skill of remaining cool around her crush. However, every once in awhile, her cool does slip from her when she’s around Sam.

“Yeah, it’s totally bogus that I have to sit through a whole period of chemistry before band!” Sam complained.

“Yeah and you have Mr. Carter too, don’t ya?” Luna asked.

Sam nodded.

“Man, that really bites.”

“Yeah, he’s totally insane! I swear he can’t even teach! All he ever does is goes on rants about the most bizarre things and expects us to ace every test despite of that! Dude, you have no idea how lucky you are to have Dr. William and not Mr. Carter for chem!”

“Man, that’s rough. And yeah, Dr. William is a really cool dude. I wish that you were in my class.”

“Me too, dude.”

Then all of the sudden, the bell rang. Sam and Luna started to make their way towards their first period classes. Luna has Algebra 2 first period and lucky for her, that’s on the way to Sam’s chemistry class, allowing for the two to walk to class together.

“But anyways, you looked totally spaced out when I walked up to you,” Sam pointed out. “What were you thinking about?”

“Should I tell her about the letter?” Luna thought to herself. “I really want for her to be my secret admirer so if she’s not, I’m going to be really bummed.”

“I-I u-umm...” Luna managed to stutter out as the two began to climb up the stairs that lead to the second level where both of their classrooms were.

“I totally understand if you don’t want to share,” Sam told Luna, realizing how uncomfortable her question made her friend.

Suddenly, a sense of confidence came over Luna. “Well, if it was her, if I don’t speak up now, I may never find out.”

“Well, I did find a love letter in my locker today,” Luna finally said as she revealed the envelope and letter that she had folded up in her hand.

They then reached the second floor and Sam suddenly began to twist her blonde hair with her fingers as she and Luna continued to walk to class. It was a cute little habit of hers that always drives Luna wild. “Wow, that’s awesome, Luna! Do you have any idea who it’s from?”

“No unfortunately. Whoever wrote the letter signed it as “Your Secret Admirer”. I just found it a few minutes ago so I haven’t had the time to try and figure out who it’s from.”

“Man, that’s sure is a bummer!”

“Yeah, I know right? Well, I mean the last time someone told me that they liked me was all the way back in 4th grade so it’s still really rad that someone’s even crushin’ on me.”

“Well, anyways, I gotta get to chem unfortunately.”

“Ok, see y-”

Luna had been cut off by the sudden embrace of her crush and good friend. Sam normally was not much of a hugger so it completely surprised her. However, the hug was quick so Luna did not have time to react and hug Sam back.

“You know, I really am excited for you, dudette,” Sam admitted as she let go of Luna and started to walk towards her Chemistry class. “See ya in band, Lunes!”

“O-ok, s-see y-ya l-later!” Luna managed to reply as she stood there, confused for a few seconds.

...

(Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

...

Check out “Lincoln’s Concert Catastrophe”!

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

[elenatria]

Have you seen the theory that Loki was pretending to be Bruce yet?

I’ve talked about it here  but once again, let me elaborate on why I think it’s total bogus.

1) The Russos gave their own explanation for Brutasha’s cold/hasty reunion in the “Happy Sad Confused” podcast, nothing to do with Bruce being Loki. So if Bruce is really Loki as the theory says, were the Russos, like, LYING???!!11

2) According to the guy who wrote that article Banner was “rushing from onesituation to the next with an air of bemused desperation.” Oh maaaan, that doesn’t sound like… POST-RAGNAROK BANNER, LIKE,  AT ALL.

3) “Bruce Banner’s“performance issues” compound the problem. The film shows himstruggling to transform into the Hulk. Is itpossible, though, that in reality these performance issues wereessentially just a bit of acting and illusion on Loki’s part?” - Oh yeah, and Loki would be, like, totally TALKING TO HIMSELF, slapping himself, supposedly urging the -non-existent- Hulk to come out when NO ONE WAS BLOODY LOOKING.

4) “The final point here isthat Bruce Banner knows far too much about Infinity Stones. One possible solution isthat this entire chain of events is masterminded by Loki. He and Thor are theonly two people on that Asgardian vessel who should really know about theSanctum Sanctorum. What’s more, while his brother may be able to sit oppositean Infinity Stone without recognizing it, Loki has far more experience withthese ancient relics” 

Uuuuuuh BS…?

Thor has known about the infinity stones since Age of Ultron. He saw them in a VISION.

To sum up, all his arguments are invalid. The guy who wrote that article  didn’t do his homework, he didn’t watch neither Age of Ultron nor Ragnarok.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 31.07.18 lb

TL;DR: remember when we thought the forced wedding in 2016 was THE WORST it could possibly get? ahahahaha NO. kudos to harneet for topping that!

his obsession with her ghoongat is both perplexing and hilarious.

so... surbhi had a scene where she bites nakuul, and still SHE'S the one who ended up with bruises??????? HOW? it's so much easier to fucking control your hands and the pressure they exert than with your mouth? I AM CONFUSION *tapping the screen* AMERICA EXBLAINNNNNN

what is this chachi's damage? no really, is there any kinda backstory to this hatred she has for anika ya bas ainvayi????

GAURI I SWEAR TO GOD JUST SLAP HER SHE DESERVES IT

RUN ANIKA FUCKING RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN

ohhhhhhhhhhh fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk. [psycho violin screech.mp3]

ok he's scaring me with how still and unblinking he is. he really is.

YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES OK THIS IS THE MOSTTTTTT SHIVAAY HAS SCARED ME AFTER THE ORIGINAL FORCED WEDDING

he has gauri's number on speed dial? jijuuuuuu moves faaaaast. 

"satyanaaaaaash. pehle toh badi gayab thi, ab toh choti bhi bhaag gayi."

lmaoooo this chachi is so OTT.

dang my chest realllllly hurts for anika. it really really hurts. 

oh no. trigger word. “priyanka”.

he's lost it. he's beyond alllllllllll reason now.

lmao that was a short af rikshaw ride. kuch toh transition shots dikhaate.

GOD ANIKA JUST LET HIM TELL HER. LIKE... YOU CAN AT LEAST EXPLAIN TO HER. YOU CAN MAKE YOUR WAY BACK FROM THIS WITH HER. IT'S NOT FUCKING WORTH MARRYING THIS CRAZYASS FUCKER FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

... is gauri blind/deaf? can she not see/hear literally the only two human beings within a 3 mile radius STRUGGLING AND YELLING AT EACH OTHER?

yeah he's compleeeeeeeeeeetely off his rocker.

no literally, shivaay and anika are straight up looking at her, he's even yelling her name, and gauri can't see/hear them??????

TUM DONO KE IS BAKCHODI MEIN MERI GAURI KA HEART FAIL HO RAHA HAI CAN ONE OF YOU FUCKING PICK UP THE PHONE AND TELL HER THAT HER SISTER IS ALIVE AND WELL

OK NOT WELL. BUT ALIVE.

ok i really realllllllllly REALLLLLLY hate this garbage. what the everloving fuck???? could they possible degrade the female character more?

THIS FUCKING PANDIT. HE SHOULD BE JAILED.

... she heard the mandir ki ghanti ring ONCE, and she knows it's a shaadi??????????? like.... ?????? what kinda ESP (extra sanskaari powers) do tellywood heroines these days have??????

UM GAURI, MOVE FASTER. PLS.

yeah if the groom has THIS look on his face, like he's on bath salts; maybe reschedule your shaadi.

GAURI WTFFFFFFFFFFF JUST GO LOOOK OMGGGGGGGGGGG

hero apna on bath salts + cocaine + x, toh heroine apni is on weed.

FUCKING DO NOT PLAY MANGALAM BHAGWAN VISHNU. DO NOT. PLEASE. I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN OVER IT FROM THE ORIGINAL WEDDING IN 2016. + RUMYA'S WEDDING. I'VE HEARD THAT ONE LINE REPEATED SO MUCH I NEVER WANNA HEAR IT AGAIN.

omfggggg the way he's YANKING at her.

AND THIS PANDIT HAS NOOOOOOOOOOOO ISSUES? NONEEEEEEEE WHATSOEVER. HE DESERVES TO BE STABBED IN THE FACE AS MUCH AS SHIVAAY DOES.

dude pls blink. you're scaring me. you really are. 

..... THIS IS... LIKE ... HE'S LITERALLY DOING THIS WITH AN UNCONSCIOUS PERSON. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MAN?????

gauri you beautiful idiot. i can't even with you rn.

SEEMS LIKE THE TRIVEDI SISTERS WERE GIVEN STUPIDITY GENES IN SPAAAAADES IN THIS UNIVERSE.

THE PANDIT IS SMILING. HE'S SMILING. TELL ME WHY I SHOULD NOT GET INTO THE FUCKING SCREEN RIGHT THIS MINUTE AND MURDER HIM.

... so the mandir just has a supply of mangalsutras for situations like these? cool. cool cool cool cool cool cool.

YAAAAAAAS GAURI RAISING HELL IN OBEROI MANSION. FUCKING BURN IT DOWN MY LITTLE BIRD.

lmao gauri's like FUCK MY CRUSH ON THIS DUDE AND THE EYE SEX WE HAD THAT DAY, IMMA FUCKING YELL IN HIS FACE RE: HIS BROTHER AND RICH PEOPLE FUCKERY.

whoaaaaaaaaaaaa buddy boy. yeah you're hot and all, but it's waaaaaaaay too early for you to get all “nice guy” handsy with her like this. keep your ameeron waale paws to yourself.

ohohohoh he scored her digits tho. smooth, omkara! smooooooooth.

UGH NO GO BACK TO OM AND GAURI; THESE TWO MAKE MY STOMACH HURT FROM SAD AND ANGRY 

um fuck that's the tightest fucking mangalsutra ever? is he trying to strangle her to death with it?

YEAH DON'T TRY TO ROMANTICIZE THIS SHIT BY HAVING HIM SLOW DOWN AND GENTLE HIS MOVEMENTS AT THE SINDOOR AND LOOK AT HER ALL DEEP RN. YOU'VE MADE HIM A FUCKING BRUTE ALL THIS WHILE, KEEP THAT VICIOUS CONSISTENCY GOING. BLOODY BEECH MEIN PANDERING TO THE FUCKING FANGIRLS ALSO.

oh yeah totally the faces of two people in a healthy sampannn vivaah. 

oh she's waking up from her catatonic state. yiiiiiikes.

the varmalas are the FIRST part of the wedding, you dumbass pandit. they have LITERALLY no meaning if allllllll these rituals are over. they literally just put this part in to have HER do something and him to reject it. it's bogus and bullshit.

OMFG THIS FUCKING PANDIT. BADE AAYE “ZYAADA HAI!” TOH YEH ZABARDASTI KI MANHOOS SHAADI KYA PUNYA KE LIYE KARWAAYA TUNEY???????? FUCKING FUCK OUTTA HERE BEFORE I....

more sign language that... man idk wtf you're trying to... just use your speaking words.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ANIKA YOU IDIOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT OF A WOMAN OH GOD WHY THE FUCKKKKKKKK WOULD YOU WANNA GO WITH HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM GOD HELP ME I CANNOT GET OVER HOW FUCKING DUMBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB SHE ISSSSSSSSSSS

OHHHHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKK, THAT'S WHY HE PAID THE PANDIT SO MUCH. SHIVAAY YOU FUCKING....

please don't tell me this dumb bitch is gonna use bhagwaan as sakshi and gawaah.

oh no the pandit's still there.

girl i can't believe you're putting your faith in this fucking pandit who fucking conducted this wedding while you were clearly not consenting and were half-dead through all the ceremony.

pandit you motherfucking coward tujhe toh gauri gundi dekh legi. AND I WILL JOIN HER IN BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF YOU YOU SPINELESS TURD!!!!!

OMFG SHE DID THE BHAGWAAN AS GAWAAH THING. JFC I REALLY CANNNOTTTTTTTTTT WITH THIS ANIKA.

literally my face at her bs too. lol good luck PROVING that, you stupid twit.

OMFG MOVED ON FROM BHAGWAAN TO AGNI AS SAKSHI. THIS GIRL IS...

yeah this episode is gonna get lottttttttttttttttt of trp aunty approval. definitelyyyyy.

ARDHANGINI. JANAM JANAM KA SAATH. OMFGGGGGG I CAN'T EVENNNNNN.

anika please stop talking lord above this is painful.

OH FUCK HE'S GONNA BREAK IT. HE'S GONNA BREAK IT???????/

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK HE BROKEEEEEE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MOTHERFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

... SHE'S GONNA PICK UP THOSE FUCKING BEADS? ARE YOU... ARE YOU FUCKING....

THIS IS LITERALLY ME RN. #BIGFUCKINGMOOD

IT'S OFFICIAL: NO FUCKING TELLYWOOD HEROINE I'VE EVER WATCHED HAS BEEN THIS LVL OF DHEENT AND DUMBASS EVER. THIS IS THE WORST DEPTHS I’VE EVER SEEN A FEMALE LEAD SINK TO I THINK.

lmaoooooooooo now she's giving him vaasta of his fucking dil. yeah coz this man here seems like a real big dilwaala. HIS CHHEDH WAALA DIL WILL BE JUST FINE, DON'T YOU WORRY SIS. HE’S GONNA GO HOME AFTER THIS AND SLEEP THE BEST SLEEP OF HIS DAMN LIFE. 

no literally anika, what did you think this was? like did you really think you'd go back home with him and be like lalalala happy happy with him?????

god shivaay you... you.... YOUR MOTHER SHOULD HAVE MURDERED YOU TOO WHEN SHE MURDERED YOUR DAD YOU DIRTY SON OF A

... how and WHY would she be known as a rakhail though? I STILLLLLLLL DON'T GET IT. she'll say she's married to you, you'll say she isn't. WHERE DOES THE RAKHAIL BIT COME IN HERE???????? I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.

oh thank god omkara is taking things up there and yelling at shivaay. thank god they retained that aspect of his.

meanwhile here this idiot chick is just spouting off her mouth about being married to shivaay. goddddddddddddddddd WHY? JUST... WHY??????

[neet-and-greet-blog]

A cute girl gives Totty her cellphone contact and it isn't bogus.

Yess my son

“Excuse me…”

Awoken from a half-asleep state, Todomatsu lifts his head and looks around his surroundings. He was still at the cafe, sitting in the patio area. He looks up and sees the face of a beautiful girl. She was about his age, and she was smiling down at him.

“Sorry if I woke you,” she spoke, her voice soft like cotton. “But, do you mind if I sit with you?”

Todomatsu sits up in his chair and straightens his posture. “No, not at all~!” He swoons.

“Aah, thank you!” She takes a seat across from him.

Totty’s heart began to beat like crazy. A girl? Volunteering to sit with him?? A cute girl, at that???

Nervous, Totty tries his best to stir a conversation (and hopefully learn more about her.) “So, does a cutie such as yourself come to this place often~?”

“Actually, not really,” she speaks, her cheeks turning pink. “I.. recently moved here.”

“Ohh, is that so~”

She giggles. “Yes, it is so.”

Todomatsu silently sighs to himself. Not a bad start at all. Soon enough though, both of them were exchanging conversation left and right, and as time went along Totty felt more and more comfortable talking to this girl.

Two hours later, they were still talking. Not only that, but the sun was starting to set.

“You know,” he says, “We seem to get along quite well! Want to exchange contact information~?”

“Oh, sure thing!” She answers, a sweet smile on her face. As she whips out her phone to pull up her contact information, Totty does the same.

After exchanging phone numbers, the girl stands up from her chair. “I hate to suddenly leave you like this,” she speaks, “But it is getting a little late and I really should be heading home soon.”

“It’s totally fine!” Totty responds. “If you’d like, we can still text each other!���She giggles and nods.

After saying their goodbyes, the girl leaves Todomatsu at the cafe. A few minutes later, he himself stands up and starts making his way back home.

About halfway back, Totty hears his phone buzz. He pulls out his phone and sees a text from someone.

“Hi! owo”

It was the girl from the cafe. Totally shocked, he silently screams and nearly drops his phone. After recollecting himself, he sends a text back.

“Hello

A few minutes later, right before he heads inside his home, he receives another text.

“Yes! We should do this more often

Todomatsu forces himself to hold in his screams. If any of his brothers found out he actually managed to get a cute girl’s number, it would be the end of him.Before finally entering his home, he writes one more message to the girl.

“I agree~

[quakerjoe]

A CUPPA JOE for SUNDAY 13 MAY 2018

This morning, one of our "brothers" here at Quaker Joe threw this quip into a thread "Christianity is under attack in America." It got me thinking, actually and I wondered: 

By whom?

Seriously, I'd love to know. Most #Muricans claim to be "Christian", even if they don't act like they are. It sounds to me, to be perfectly honest, that the ones attacking Christianity are those from within, not from any outside sources. Bogus "Christians" vote for sexual predators carrying a cross. They INSIST on rampant gun ownership, because that's what Jesus would want, right? They back trump because a thief, adulterer, and con man who sexually assaults women is God's Chosen, right?

For "Christians", here in the US, they're awfully anti-Christ in nature. That's how they present themselves; as bullies and judgmental mega-assholes. Instead of "love they neighbour" or "love they enemy" or "judge not", they openly attack anyone not like them. They've been attacking one another since before we were a nation; one "brand" of Jesus versus another. They've attacked and murdered Jews, Blacks, Muslims, Sikhs, Atheists, the LGBTQ community, have supported Misogyny, were the founding backers of slavery, native American genocide... "Christians" in #Murican history have repeatedly proven, through our entire history as a nation, that the word "Christian" doesn't mean what they say it means.

The religion, like religions before it, is waning, mostly because people of compassion, empathy and reason have caught on that the religion is corrupt, rife with hypocrisy, and should be walked away from and avoided. Nobody's attacking it; people are trying to defend themselves AGAINST it. You don't get to be a bully to everybody and when they stand up to cry about how you're being attacked and play the victim when you {the religion} brought it upon yourselves. If you want to be a true, honest Christian, it comes at a price: HONESTY. Most Christians have never read their bible except for select, cherry picked slices of it that back whatever it is they personally wish to believe, and using the Old Testament is simply WRONG. 

I could go on all day about this, but I've got other shit to do today. The bottom line is this. Christians in the US have been fighting against themselves since forever, and they openly shit on everybody else not Christian. People are getting sick of it. Standing up to a group of disingenuous, right wing nutjobs who flail about in a pile of hypocritical fecal matter is NOT attacking Christianity, it's calling liars out on their bullshit because they are NOT real Christians. We were warned in the Scriptures that there would be false prophets and that the masses would be blinded by them and follow them. "Christians" in #Murica do nothing about it. Satan, if he's real, could show up, fool them all, and most #Murican Christians would line up in droves to serve because they've been trained to knee-jerk react, get angry and to simply NOT THINK or QUESTION or analyze fuck-all anything. They've turned their backs on the divine, slapped Jesus' teachings in the face and punched them in the balls and then spat on him when he was down because that's how they handle things; not with love, acceptance or peace, but by casting stones even though they are not free from sin themselves.

People are catching on. People are rejecting them. People have had enough of the hypocrisy, the lies, and the bossy, pushy bullying and their infiltration into politics in order to push agendas that promote hate and fear, murder and rape, and a constant division among our fellow citizens and our neighbours. Christians are the only terrorists that anyone with half a brain in the US should worry about, and that is why we're standing up, for ourselves, for our nations, and for those who don't just talk the talk but walk the walk, for the sanctity of Christ's teachings because there are a FEW honest, genuine Christians out there who see this too and they're siding with those who most claim are "attacking Christianity". Thank you George, for getting the mind going while I was having my morning coffee. I know it was a quip, but I did find it engaging and the answer was probably longer than you'd expected.

I'd like to leave you all with this, since this has turned into a Cuppa Joe for this week instead of the one I'd prepared earlier in the week. I'd mentioned that the Bible itself mentions false prophets, so, as the former Christian that I am, let me leave you with some samples of what “the good book” had to say on the matter.

Ezekiel 13:9

"My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD."

Jeremiah 23:16

"This is what the LORD Almighty says: “Do not listen to what the prophets are prophesying to you; they fill you with false hopes. They speak visions from their own minds, not from the mouth of the LORD."

Here's one for Little Donny POTUS:

LUKE 6:26

"Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets."

Here's one I'd like to dedicate to Congress in particular...

Matthew 24:24

"For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect."

Matthew 16:11-12

"How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees.

Matthew 7:15-20

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."

2 Timothy 4:3-4

"For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths."

Acts 20:28-30

"Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them."

2 Peter 3:14-18

"So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with him. Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him. He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you have been forewarned, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of the lawless and fall from your secure position. But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever! Amen."

When talking about false prophets, this is where it gets sketchy, because the "good book" also grants you permission to shit on people not of your religion, be judgmental, and if taken in the right context, allows you to kill the infidels. I give you the book of John, that sketchy, over-the-top nutjob. He was never one of my favourites. He always seemed a bit of a war pig to me. In retrospect, he sounds a lot like trump trying to sell you his brand in a way that demands total belief in what he said and to attack anyone who says otherwise.

1 John 4:1-6

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world. You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood."

There are more, if you bother to read the Bible and really look, and the warnings are clear to those with an open heart AND MIND. Sadly, that's too much to ask from 21st century #Muricans who think themselves devout. ~Joe

[ericvick]

Updated Boston news: Thailand News Today | Governor off respirator, sex-trafficking arrest, condo prices falling | Jan 14

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The Samut Sakhon governor is continuing to get better from a dangerous bout of Covid-19 and is envisioned to be taken off a ventilator nowadays. The 58 yr previous was in “critical condition” following contracting the virus on December 27. His an infection was documented just a week soon after the outbreak at one particular of the major seafood marketplaces in the coastal province exactly where thousands of migrant workers have now analyzed constructive for Covid-19. 

He was addressed with an anti-viral drug and place on a ventilator on December 31, along with a cocktail of muscle relaxants and sleeping enhancers. The governor has not been documented as possessing any striking pre-existing medical circumstances before his bout of Covid-19.

Rental rates in Bangkok are slipping and are predicted to go on to drop throughout 2021. Thailand’s real estate current market, like a lot of the rest of the earth, is not anticipated to decide back again up once again until finally the pandemic eases.

The regular price of new apartment in Bangkok is predicted to fall by 5%, in accordance to Nexus Property Promoting. New condos will declined by 3.9% even though condo resales are envisioned to decline by 6.7%, according to Juwai IQI.

3 persons, together with 2 brothers, have been arrested on fees of intercourse trafficking, accused of sending women to Brunei for serve as prostitutes. The 55 and 49 year old brothers were detained beneath an arrest warrant issued by the Felony Court, charged with a intercourse trafficking procedure involving more than 3 folks.

Next the arrest of the initial suspect, Somchai was arrested in the northern province of Chiang Rai, with his brother taken into custody in the neighbouring province of Nan. They are billed with sending Thai females to Brunei for the reason of prostitution, conning the females with promises of well-compensated masseuse function.

The allegations towards the traffickers arrived to light-weight when a couple of their alleged victims claimed to the Thai Embassy in Brunei to file a grievance. The gals say the guys lured them to Brunei with bogus claims, stating they could make involving 100 – 200,000 bath per thirty day period, as nicely as currently being presented with absolutely free food and lodging.

Thailand’s General public Well being Ministry has named for additional info from the makers of the Chinese Covid-19 vaccine, immediately after its performance rating was revised downwards by scientists in Brazil. The Sinovac Biotech vaccine was at first confirmed as 78% effective in trials in the South American nation, but that has now improved to just around 50%.

The investigate staff at Brazil’s Butantan Institute say the discrepancy is a end result of the increased level not including people who recorded “very mild” signs and did not need to have any health-related therapy. They insist the vaccine is still 78% effective in protecting against mild cases that do want procedure and 100% productive at blocking average to severe bacterial infections.

Meanwhile, the Thailand’s Office of Clinical Sciences states the federal government even now strategies to get supply of 2 million doses of the vaccine, starting up with 200,000 upcoming thirty day period. The following cargo of 800,000 doses will arrive by the close of March, adopted by the closing shipment of 1 million doses by the stop of April. Professional medical personnel, health care volunteers and elderly and other “high risk” groups will be prioritised to get the vaccine.

In total, the ministry hopes to finally vaccinate 70% of the population with the many vaccines, with the intention of achieving some degree of herd immunity.

The federal government has retained its selling price handle on 55 products and provider merchandise like healthcare deal with masks, a synthetic fibre utilised as a raw content to make professional medical encounter masks, alcoholic beverages and alcoholic beverages-centered hand sanitiser, and recyclable paper.

The assembly of the Central Committee on the Selling prices of Items and Providers has made the decision to keep the selling price handle checklist for 55 products, 50 of which are merchandise and five products and services. The listing is scheduled to be proposed for cabinet acceptance following week.

The committee also agreed to a most retail value for medical deal with masks of 2.5 baht apiece, excluding experience masks produced of fabric. 

And an update of the Covid-19 scenario in Thailand today…. 271 new Covid-19 an infection and 2 deaths have been documented at the each day briefing, increasing Thailand’s total amount of infections to 11,262. 

There are now 3,533 energetic circumstances becoming taken care of.

One particular of today’s reported deaths was a 72 calendar year aged British man who died after contracting Covid-19. He arrived in Thailand on December 7 and started going through Covid-19 signs 4 times afterwards. The person had pre-existing well being problems including lung most cancers, diabetic issues and hypothyroidism. 

Out of the 271 new Covid-19 situations, 78 are regional transmissions, 181 circumstances have been detected in proactive testing strategies, and 11 scenarios detected in quarantine. source

This material does not belong to Eric Vick. This articles belongs to UCfyWB_cTvCBWau8mFcMnJkQ.

[copiosis]

Making A Mountain Out of a George Floyd Mole Hill

A widely debunked meme continues circulating online. It makes the racist case that "black" Lives Matter is fake news. This meme offers a table of “statistics" that, when cursorily examined, begs the question: if "black" lives matter, why are so many "blacks" killing "black" people?

It argues further that cops kill few "black" people, compared to "white" people, although even the total number of "whites" cops kill is tiny.

The point: #BLM making a big deal about people killed by cops makes a massive racial mountain out of a George Floyd mole hill.

The meme next claims the vast majority of "white" people killed are killed by "black" people, and that "white" people kill hardly anyone by comparison. Especially "black" people.

Oh brother...

This meme finds itself everywhere tweeted by anyone agreeing that “all lives matter”. Even the president tweeted it. Most recently, a friend of ours found this meme in her Facebook messenger feed. Someone with university credentials sent it unaccompanied by context or personal commentary.

Racism is literally built into the United States’ DNA. Anyone disagreeing with this doesn’t understand how the United States got formed, the compromises made during its formation, or how nearly every institution formed since then contains structural racial bias based on our nation’s original founding.

But this post isn’t about US history or race.

What it is about is setting the record straight on relevant US crime statistics, then asking, and perhaps answering why such disinformation keeps the US (and the world) exactly where it is: mired in decadence, a culture steeped in racism and systems that don’t function if people aren’t in debt, or aren’t forced to earn a living.

What’s accurate about these numbers?

In a word: nothing.

First, we can’t really understand these numbers unless we look at other numbers for comparison. For example, according to the United States Census, there are 330 million people in the United States. Of those:

76 percent are “white” or 197 million people.

13 percent are “black” or 42 million people.

For clarification, there is no such thing as a "white" person or a "black" person. These terms got made up as bogus distinguishers then amplified in Racist America so rich people at the time could concentrate power and divide the colonial poor and indentured.

So successful that strategy, “white” and “black” today are endemic to nearly everything American. They divide people who have far more in common by any measure than they do differences, which is why we see over 60 million mixed race marriages, to say nothing of mixed race pairings, mixed race poly relationships and hook ups, mixed race gay couples, married or not, mixed race friendships and neighborhoods, etc.

More specifically to the meme, numbers of mixed race marriages between “black” and “white” people continue to grow. Between 1980 and 2009, for example, such marriages increased from 167 thousand to over a half a million.

As pervasive and enduring as they are, the concepts “black” and “white” are empty in significance other than when trying to socially and economically divide overwhelming numbers of people who have nearly everything in common other than, perhaps, the amount of melanin in their skin.

Back to context: Knowing what percentage of “blacks” and “whites” make up the total US population is important, otherwise numbers of killings represented in any presentation make no sense. In other words, context reveals a number’s value.

So we have 330 million Americans. Over 70 percent of them are “white”. Thirteen percent are “black”.

Many already debunked the meme’s source. So rather than using that source or its numbers, we prefer the FBI’s crime statistics from 2016, which are the latest figures to our knowledge.

Here are those numbers. If you subscribe to the meme’s numbers, these actual numbers will shock you.

"Blacks" killed by whites: 243, or 8 percent of the 2870 "blacks" killed according to the FBI

"Whites" killed by whites: 2854 or 81 percent of the 3499 "whites" killed according to the FBI

“Whites” killed by blacks: 533 or 15 percent of the 3499 "whites" killed, and over 2X the number of “blacks” killed by “whites” according to the FBI

"Blacks" killed by blacks: 2570 or 89 percent of the 2870 "blacks" killed according to the FBI

Shedding light on bogosity

What’s interesting is almost the same number of "white" people are being killed as the number of blacks. “White"-on-“white" murder and “black”-on-"black" murder is roughly similar, at 81 percent and 89 percent respectively, meaning neither "whites" nor "blacks" kill more people than the other category. "White" people murder. "Black" people murder.

It’s true, "black" people killed almost double the number of "white" people as "white" people killed "black" people, 15 percent vs 8 percent, respectively. But these percentages are far, far different than the circulating meme shows. And compared to the national population, these numbers are staggeringly small. True mole hills.

And yet it’s clear more "white" people kill FAR MORE "white" people than "black" people and more "black" people kill FAR MORE "black" people than "white" people. These numbers aren’t a trifle. Thousands of people are being murdered. The murderer’s skin tone? Irrelevant.

Besides, more interesting interpretations shine through the FBI data than what race is killing who and how many each are killing.

For example, it’s extremely interesting that the number of "black" people killed and the number of "white" people killed, is generally the same with roughly 600 more "whites" killed than blacks. This shows once again that difference among “whites” and “blacks” isn’t all that different. People share more in common than what differentiates them: even when it comes to being murdered, "black" people and "white" people are more similar than not. Roughly the same number are killed by someone. Those killing them, by far, share the victim’s skin color.

Another fascinating revelation comes when these crime stats get put in context of the national population. Remember "white" people comprise over 70 percent of the total US total population. "Black" people represent just over 10 percent. Viewed from that understanding, the following conclusion could be drawn:

Since there are so many fewer "black" people in the US, you would expect far fewer murders of "blacks" than whites. After all, far more "whites" populate the US than “blacks”, so it seems rational to think far more "whites" should get murdered in the US than “blacks”.

What the numbers show instead is, even though only 13 percent of the population is “black”, "black" people comprise nearly half the number of people murdered in the US according to the FBI. You would also be excused thinking “if blacks represent 13 percent of the population, doesn’t it seem odd that the number of blacks killed by whites is half the number of whites killed by blacks?” In other words, it seems disproportional that so many blacks are killed by whites, compared to the number of whites killed by blacks, when blacks only make up 13 percent of the national population, and the number of whites make up over 70 percent.

And this is the reason so many people, "white" and “black”, argue that something disproportionate is happening in the US when it comes to Americans labeled "black".

This disproportion is persistent, whether it’s crime, poverty, healthcare, lack of housing, education, or treatment by police.

All Lives Matter

Looking at the real numbers from the FBI, it’s true “All Lives [should] Matter”: for as many "whites" are dying as “blacks". As we’ve shown so far though, this shouldn’t be the case given the tiny percentage of "blacks" compared to the number of "white" people. There should be way more “white" people getting killed, or rather way fewer “blacks” getting killed, because there are so few “black” Americans proportionally speaking.

^^Real crime data from a reputable Source: The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

That said, what do the FBI numbers tell us about run-ins with police?

The meme claims, and we’re quoting: "blacks" killed by police — 1 percent". But that number makes no sense because it has no context. Is it 1 percent of the entire US population? Is it 1 percent of the people killed by police? The same question applies to the meme’s claim about "white" people killed by police: "whites" killed by police — 3 percent. Three percent of what?

Given "blacks" and "whites" make up over 80 percent of the US population, it seems mathematically illogical that the number of "whites" and "blacks" killed by police total only four percent. We can’t logically contextualize these percentages. The US population is over 300 million people.

Maybe these are percentages of all the "whites" and "blacks" killed. So of the 2870 "blacks" killed, police killed one percent of them, according to the meme. Police also killed 3 percent of the 3499 "white" people.

The problem with our generosity here is, the meme isn't using FBI numbers. We don't know what data it is based on. So we can't say.

This is why contextualizing numbers means so much. Without the context, numbers and percentages make no sense. It's important too to be transparent with data sets, so critical thinking readers can see where the numbers came from.

The problem is, many readers aren't thinking critically when they read. If the reader isn’t thinking critically while reading, anything can make sense because the reader isn’t trying to make sense of anything!

For example, examining circumstances under which police kill “whites” and “blacks” might be revealing. They will show, as we’ve said before, that the number of “blacks” killed by police is disproportionate, meaning they kill a disproportionate number of "blacks" compared to "whites". They also will show that circumstances under which police kill “black” people tend to be questionable.

For example, statistica, a global, highly reputable data collection and research organization, recently published statistics on the incidence of police shootings according to race. Here's what they discovered: while the number of "whites" killed by the police is higher year over year, the rate of people shot to death by police is overwhelmingly disproportionate to "black" people.

^^"Sadly, the trend of fatal police shootings in the United States seems to only be increasing, with a total 558 civilians having been shot, 111 of whom were Black, as of July 29, 2020. In 2018, there were 996 fatal police shootings, and in 2019 this figure increased to 1,004. Additionally, the rate of fatal police shootings among Black Americans was much higher than that for any other ethnicity, standing at 31 fatal shootings per million of the population as of July 2020." Source

"The rate of fatal police shootings in the United States shows large differences based on ethnicity. Among Black Americans, the rate of fatal police shootings between 2015 and July 2020 stood at 31 per million of the population, while for White Americans, the rate stood at 13 fatal police shootings per million of the population." Source

The real numbers don't lie

The numbers shared through this meme not only mean nothing, they are HIGHLY INACCURATE, MISLEADING and DANGEROUS when exposed to a non-critical-thinking public. Someone who doesn’t understand how to communicate with numbers cobbled together a bunch of made up percentages in support of divisive intentions. Then they released them on a population famous for its non-critical consumption and sharing of information. You may be a member of this population.

The facts are there is no significant difference between people when trying to distinguish them by skin color other than the following: Most people, the vast majority of people, classifiable by skin color as “white” enjoy power, wealth, status and freedoms far above levels people not classifiable by that bogus distinction enjoy.

The reason these people enjoy this factual upper hand status is because some of their ancestors, using their power, wealth, status and freedoms at the time, structured society so that it favors this group of people over others.

Put more divisively, they structured society to disadvantage people who don’t look like them in order to have power over them.

Ironically, that structural favoritism stems from insecurity. The same insecurity that has some very light brown skinned people scared when they see brown and dark brown skinned people demand what they haven’t gotten for so long.

The good news is, it’s not necessary for those who enjoy privilege today, to become tomorrow’s less privileged. This is why Copiosis is so important. It’s the only system we’re aware of that preserves every dominant culture privilege with the exception of one:

The ability to define their privilege through a system that structurally denies privilege from those the dominant culture incorrectly perceives are different from them, and somehow therefore inferior, and because of that, not worthy of enjoying what the dominant culture enjoys.

[tvcinemidia-blog]

Cronologia da Rede Globo

Em julho de 1957, o Presidente da República, Juscelino Kubitschek, aprovou a concessão de TV para a Rádio Globo e, em 30 de dezembro do mesmo ano, o Conselho Nacional de Telecomunicações publicou um decreto concedendo o canal 4 do Rio de Janeiro à TV Globo Ltda. Sendo assim a TV Globo foi oficialmente criada no dia 26 de abril de 1965, com a transmissão do infantil Uni Duni Tê.[1] Também estavam na programação dos primeiros dias a série infantil Capitão Furacão e o telejornal Tele Globo, embrião do Jornal da Globo (1967-1969), que posteriormente seria o atual Jornal Nacional.

Expansão

Em 1966, a TV Globo chegou ao estado de São Paulo[2] com a aquisição do canal 5 que, desde 1952, funcionava como a TV Paulista, de propriedade das Organizações Victor Costa. Em 5 de fevereiro de 1968, foi inaugurada a terceira emissora, em Belo Horizonte, e as retransmissoras de Juiz de Fora e de Conselheiro Lafaiete, além de um link de micro-ondas que ligava o Rio de Janeiro a São Paulo.

Em 1968, Roberto Marinho adquiriu a geradora de Minas Gerais, a TV Globo Minas.[1]

As primeiras emissoras afiliadas à Rede Globo foram a TV Gaúcha (atual RBS TV Porto Alegre) e a TV Triângulo (atual Rede Integração de Uberlândia), no ano de 1967, a TV Anhanguera (Rede Anhanguera), em 1968 e a TV Guajará e a TV Coligadas(atual RBS TV Blumenau), em 1969. Também em 1969 no Ceará começou a entrar em testes a TV Verdes Mares, que foi inaugurada no dia 31 de janeiro de 1970 em Fortaleza. A TV Verdes Mares começou a sua transmissão no canal 10, onde se mantém até hoje, no sistema analógico, e no canal 33 da televisão digital.

Em 1972, Roberto Marinho adquiriu a geradora de Pernambuco, Globo Recife e até hoje permanece com o mesmo canal no sistema analógico: 13.

Acordo com a Time-Life

Em 1962, um acordo assinado entre Time-Life e as Organizações Globo (atual grupo Globo), holding de Roberto Marinho, proporcionou a Marinho o acesso a um capital em torno de 6 milhões de dólares, o que lhe garantiu recursos para comprar equipamentos e infraestrutura para a Globo. Em troca, Time-Life teria participação em 30% de todos os lucros auferidos pelo funcionamento da TV Globo. Como comparação, a maior TV brasileira na época, a TV Tupi, tinha sido construída com um capital em torno de US$ 300.000.

O acordo foi considerado ilegal, pois a Constituição Brasileira naquela época proibia qualquer pessoa ou empresa estrangeira de possuir participação em uma empresa brasileira de comunicação. O acordo foi investigado por uma CPI em 1967. Como uma tentativa de legalizar o acordo, mencionava-se claramente nos termos deste acordo que a Time-Life ou Time Inc. não tinha o direito de participar ou de interferir na administração da Globo. Na prática, Time-Life possuía grande influência dentro da Globo: Joseph Wallach, o ex-diretor da Time-Life na Califórnia, se tornou um diretor executivo dentro da Globo.[3][4]

O início

A Santa Missa em seu Lar foi criada em 2 de maio de 1965, sendo assim o programa mais antigo em exibição pela emissora.

Numa transmissão ao vivo de seu programa Show da Noite, Gláucio Gil que era bastante conhecido pelos telespectadores do Rio de Janeiro, faleceu em 13 de agosto de 1965.[5] Após sua morte devido a um infarto a emissora logo saiu do ar.[5] O programa era do gênero de entrevistas em que ele recebia convidados em seu sofá e sua estreia ocorreu no lançamento da Rede Globo.[5]

O início da TV Globo como uma rede de emissoras afiliadas por todo o país se dá a partir de 1969 quando entrou no ar o Jornal Nacional, primeiro telejornal em rede nacional, ainda hoje transmitido pela emissora e líder de audiência nacional.[1] O primeiro programa foi apresentado por Hilton Gomes e Cid Moreira.

Década de 1970

Em 1970, em seus 5 anos, a emissora transmitiu pela primeira vez a Copa do Mundo, vencida pelo Brasil. Grande parte das "inovações" impostas na grade de programação e na forma de produção dos programas foi obtida graças à contratação de profissionais oriundos da TV Excelsior (cuja concessão fora cassada pelo Governo Militar no mesmo ano) e que já operava com muitos dos parâmetros utilizados pela Rede Globo para criar seu "Padrão Globo de Qualidade".

Em 21 de abril de 1971, entrou no ar a TV Globo Brasília, no canal 10, apresentando uma partida do Vasco contra o Flamengo (ao vivo do Rio de Janeiro) e o programa Som Livre Exportação. No mesmo dia, entrou no ar o vespertino "Jornal Hoje", no ar até hoje e único telejornal vespertino exibido pela rede, ao contrário das concorrentes.



Sede da Rede Globo em Brasília

Em 22 de abril de 1972 foi inaugurada a TV Globo Nordeste,em Pernambuco. Também naquele ano a Globo participou do pool de emissoras que efetuou a 1ª transmissão nacional e oficial em cores, junto com as concorrentes Rede Tupi, TV Record, TV Bandeirantes entre outras. A televisão mostrou a abertura da Festa da Uva, em Caxias do Sul, em 19 de fevereiro.



Sede da Rede Globo no Rio de Janeiro.

Em 31 de março (dia da inauguração do sistema de televisão em cores no Brasil), a TV Globo exibiu o especial "Meu Primeiro Baile", o primeiro programa da televisão brasileira inteiramente gravado em cores.

Em 1973, estreou o "Globo Repórter", no ar até hoje. No mesmo ano, entrou no ar o programa "Fantástico", também líder de audiência e ainda hoje transmitido aos domingos.

Em 11 de março de 1974, Entra no ar a sessão vespertina de filmes "Sessão da Tarde".

A 25 de Abril de 1974, a Rede Globo inicia suas coberturas jornalísticas internacionais de maneira inesperada: Sandra Passarinho viaja às pressas para Madrid, e em seguida para Lisboa para cobrir a Revolução dos Cravos.

Em 1975 É implantado no país o conceito de rede de tv, devido ao sucesso da programação nacional. Em 1977 toda a programação da emissora passa a ser a cores. Em 1982 A Rede Globo introduz o uso do satélite, que permite que a programação nacional passe a ser exibida simultaneamente por todas as emissoras.

A dupla Walter Clark e José Bonifácio, que mais tarde seriam chamada de Boni & Clark, alusão ao Bonnie e Clyde, seriam também responsáveis pelos ganhos das afiliadas da TV Difusora (São Luís, Maranhão em 1972) e a TV Ajuricaba (Manaus, Amazonas, em 1974), ambas da TV Record.

Em 1975, a Rede Globo que completava 10 anos no ar, foi forçada pelo Governo Federal, na época do Regime Militar, a não exibir o Roque Santeiro, com 34 capítulos gravados. Também, a emissora contava com uma programação nacional. No lugar, foi colocada a reprise da novela Selva de Pedra de 1972. Em 1985, com o fim do regime e a censura, com a posse do governo civil, a nova versão da novela voltou ser gravada e exibida com sucesso. No mesmo ano, estreava Caso Especial, que entrava no ar semanalmente (abril-dezembro) e manteve no ar até 1995.

A partir de 1976 é o momento em que a Globo começa a construir o que seria chamado de "Padrão Globo de Qualidade", em que o horário nobre é preenchido com duas novelas de temática mais leve, encaixadas por telejornais curtos e sintéticos (o atual Praça TV e o Jornal Nacional), uma telenovela de produção nobre e com enredo mais forte, que seria chamada a partir de então de "novela das oito" (atual "novela das nove") e a partir das 22h uma linha de shows, filmes ou o "Globo Repórter" (antes a linha de shows começava às 21h15, posteriormente às 21h30), sempre com bastante regularidade de horário e programação. Este padrão nada mais é do que a chamada "grade fixa", tanto na vertical (sequência dos programas no dia), quanto na horizontal (respeito à sequência ao longo dos dias da semana), orquestrada por Walter Clark e José Bonifácio de Oliveira Sobrinho (mais conhecido como "Boni") em 1960, antes responsáveis pela programação da extinta TV Excelsior. A grade fixa é utilizada pela Globo nos dias de hoje fielmente, exceto aos verões nos horários de shows após as 22h, que são substituídos por minisséries, reprises de filmes e o Big Brother Brasil atualmente. O padrão seria decisivo para a conquista da liderança de audiência, pois, no final da década de 1970, as duas grandes redes, a Rede de Emissoras Independentes e a Rede Tupi, estavam se deteriorando por falta de recursos e estratégia, e a Rede Bandeirantes não havia crescido o suficiente nessa época, sobrando apenas a Globo como uma alternativa de certa qualidade, somada à estreia das novas sessões de cinema, o Festival de Inverno e a Sessão de Gala.

Em 1977, toda a programação da emissora passa a ser a cores e é também forçada pelo mesmo Governo Federal a não exibir a novela Despedida de Casado, sendo substituído por outra novela. No mesmo ano, a rede estreia Os Trapalhões, considerado o programa de humor de maior tempo no ar.

Em 1978, a emissora transmite a Copa do Mundo de 1978. Após o encerramento do evento esportivo, estreou o Globo Esporte, o programa esportivo no ar até hoje, e tem a faixa Bom Domingo, com as atrações: Som Brasil, Concertos para a Juventude, Operação Resgate, O Bem-Amado, Balança Mas Não Cai, Alerta Geral, Fantástico, A Festa é Nossa, Os Trapalhões, Dallas, O Planeta dos Homens, Geração 80, Chico Total, Esporte Espetacular e Globo Gente.

Outra estreia foi o Domingo Maior, a segunda sessão de filmes exibido pela Globo.

O programa já estreou Alerta Geral. exibido na Sexta Super, Bom Domingo e Domingo Global, entre 1979 e 1984, apresentado por Cid Moreira (1979-1981), Francisco Cuoco (1981-1982) e Armando Bogus (1982-1984), uma das atrações musicais que marcaram essa semana no Brasil e no mundo.

Década de 1980

Em 1980, nos 15 anos da emissora, estreava o Globo Rural, no comando de Carlos Nascimento. Neste mesmo ano, ia ao ar o programa TV Mulher. Em 5 de maio estreia O Vale a Pena Ver de Novo a sessão de reprises de novelas da emissora. Em maio estreia Sexta Super sempre depois da novela das oito até 1988, horário atualmente ocupado pelo Globo Repórter. Em julho desse mesmo ano, era fechada a Rede Tupi de Televisão, e boa parte do elenco da Tupi, ira à Rede Globo (e a maioria se encontra até hoje na emissora).

Em 1981, Viva o Gordo faz o tom de comédia na Globo, muitas vezes com mensagens contra o governo. Foram reprisados os programas Globo Cor Especial, O Homem de Seis Milhões de Dólares, Grandes Nomes, Saudade Não Tem Idade, O Bem-Amado, Show do Mês, Brasil Pandeiro, Aplauso, Casal 20, Disco Show, Globo de Ouro, Duro na Queda e Chico City, exibido na Terça Nobre em 1982. Em abril estreia o Supercine.

Em 31 de dezembro de 1982, a Globo se transformou em rede nacional de televisão. E também, fez que toda a programação, fosse ao Brasil inteiro via satélite, antes restrita ao Rio de Janeiro e outros estados e entrava no ar a Corrida de São Silvestre.

Em 1983, estreavam o Bom Dia Praça, o Bom Dia Brasil, o Praça TV com SPTV, RJTV, e DFTV, e (inspirado no formato do Jornal do Almoço da RBS TV), o infantil Balão Mágico, que permaneceu no ar até 1986 e o Vídeo Show, no ar até 2019. Haviam também os shows Sexta Super e Terça Nobre, com as atrações: Saudade Não Tem Idade, Brasil Pandeiro, Grandes Nomes, O Planeta dos Homens, Show do Mês, Disco Show, Geração 80, Primeira Exibição, Chico City, Globinho, O Bem-Amado, Aplauso, Globo de Ouro, Alerta Geral, Casal 20, Operação Resgate, Chico Anysio Show, Duro na Queda, Os Gatões, Batalha dos Astros, Globo Cor Especial, O Homem de Seis Milhões de Dólares, A Festa é Nossa e Disneylândia. Havia também Os Trapalhões com Renato Aragão, devido o desentendimento entre os quatro humoristas

Em 1984, estrearam as novelas Amor com Amor se Paga, Vereda Tropical e Corpo a Corpo. Reestreia em 25 de março, Os Trapalhões, com a volta do quarteto. 0 Em 1985, nos 20 anos da emissora, entra no ar Armação Ilimitada, e a novela Roque Santeiro, esta última um grande sucesso. No mesmo ano, também estreava o Corujão, nas madrugadas de segunda a domingo. Ainda em 1985, a Globo exibe o especial SOS Nordeste com quatro horas num domingo de agosto. No mesmo ano, é anunciada a criação da campanha e do programa Criança Esperança.

Em 1986, estreia o programa infantil Xou da Xuxa e a série Anos Dourados. No mesmo ano, teve lugar o primeiro show da campanha Criança Esperança, dedicado à Declaração Universal dos Direitos da Criança como tema, dentro do especial que comemorou os 20 anos de Os Trapalhões. O primeiro show da campanha Criança Esperança teve direção de Victor Paranhos e supervisão geral de Walter Lacet, com apresentação de César Filho e Os Trapalhões, artistas diversos e grande elenco da Rede Globo.

Em 1988 estreia a sessão semanal de filmes Tela Quente, que só exibe filmes inéditos. No mesmo ano é levada ao ar a novela Vale Tudo, um dos maiores sucessos da teledramaturgia brasileira, que contava a história de Maria de Fátima (Glória Pires) e Raquel (Regina Duarte), sendo antagonista e protagonista, respectivamente, ainda se destacou na trama os personagens de Renata Sorrah, Beatriz Segall, Carlos Alberto Ricceli, Lília Cabral,Reginaldo Faria e Cássia Kis Magro.

Em 1989, estreava a novela Que Rei Sou Eu? e o programa Domingão do Faustão. No mesmo ano também entrava no ar a sessão Temperatura Máxima, que antes era exibida às terças-feiras, mudando para o domingo no mesmo ano. A linha de shows após a novela das oito era formada por Tela Quente, TV Pirata, Chico Anysio Show, Futebol e Cinema Especial, Globo de Ouro e Globo Repórter, e às dez e meia, minisséries brasileiras e internacionais. Nos domingos de março, às sete horas da noite, a emissora exibia o humorístico Os Trapalhões e as oito da noite, o jornalístico Fantástico.

Década de 1990

Em março de 1990, a volta do Globo Repórter nas noites de terça-feira. em maio, O Globo Repórter muda para as noites de sexta-feira. a emissora, que completava 25 anos, exibia o Festival 25 Anos

Em abril de 1990, estreia às 20h, a novela Rainha da Sucata, escrita por Sílvio de Abreu, que trouxe como protagonista título Regina Duarte, que era uma sucateira batalhadora, com destaque para Glória Menezes, Tony Ramos, Cláudia Raia, Antônio Fagundes e Aracy Balabanian.

Transmite a Copa do Mundo FIFA de 1990, vencida pela Alemanha.

Ainda em 1990, estreou, no horário das 18h, Barriga de Aluguel, escrita por Glória Perez, abordou o tema de barrigas solidárias trazendo como protagonistas as atrizes Cássia Kis Magro e Cláudia Abreu.

Substituindo Rainha da Sucata, no final de outubro entra no ar a novela Meu Bem, Meu Mal, escrita por Cassiano Gabus Mendes.

Em 1991, A Rede Globo lança no Brasil a série americana Os Simpsons produzido pela FOX, na programação da 17h30 até 18:30 da tarde.

Em 1991, estreava no horário nobre a novela O Dono do Mundo, protagonizada por Glória Pires e Antônio Fagundes, que não teve muita repercussão devido a concorrência acirrada com o SBT, que exibia a novela mexicana, Carrossel. Além disso a trama registrava índices inferiores a novela das 19 horas, Vamp, que foi um grande sucesso, especialmente entre o público jovem.

Ainda em 1991 foi criada a Globosat, que estreou com quatro canais direcionados à TV paga.

Ainda em 1991, ocorre o primeiro Plantão da Globo, boletim extraordinário da emissora. Apesar disso, o embrião do boletim surgiu em 1982, como Plantão JN.

Ainda em 1991, estreava a novela Felicidade, no horário das 18 horas,que além do sucesso e a alta audiência, foi a primeira novela da emissora a ter uma mulher na direção geral: Denise Saraceni, e marcando a volta de Manoel Carlos às novelas, pois estava afastado da emissora, desde o término de Sol de Verão, em março de 1983. De 27 de julho à 28 de julho, a Globo exibia o especial 25 Anos Trapalhões - A Festa da Amizade, com uma programação especial de 25 horas de duração, comemorando os 25 anos do grupo. esse foi o penúltimo aniversário dos Trapalhões. Em Dezembro de 1991, a emissora estreava o Réveillon do Faustão.

No início de 1992, estreia o grande sucesso do horário das 20h: Pedra sobre Pedra, escrita por Aguinaldo Silva, Ricardo Linhares e Ana Maria Moretzsohn, protagonizada por Lima Duarte, Fábio Jr., Adriana Esteves Maurício Mattar e Renata Sorrah.

Em 1992, transmite as Olimpíadas de 1992 e faz cobertura sobre os escândalos de corrupção do Governo Federal, tendo ocorrido à época o impeachment de Collor.

Em 28 de Abril de 1992, estreia o humorístico Brasileiro Casseta & Planeta, Urgente!.

Em 3 de Agosto de 1992, estreou a telenovela De Corpo e Alma exibida as 20h e é escrita por Glória Perez e dirigida por Roberto Talma, Contou com Cristiana Oliveira, Tarcísio Meira, Maria Zilda Bethlem, Betty Faria, Bruna Lombardi, Neuza Borges, Renée de Vielmond, Carlos Vereza, Stênio Garcia, Nathália Timberg, Daniella Perez, Fábio Assunção, José Mayer, Beatriz Segall e Victor Fasano nos papéis principais, A novela discutiu temas de doação de órgãos e transplantes, mas porem a novela também é marcada pelo o assassinato da atriz Daniella Perez filha da autora Glória Perez que ocorreu em 28 de dezembro do mesmo ano.

Em fevereiro de 1993, Glória Pires protagoniza como as gêmeas Ruth e Raquel o remake de Mulheres de Areia, no horário das 18h,escrita por Ivani Ribeiro e dirigida por Wolf Maya, ainda teve no elenco Marcos Frota, Susana Vieira, Guilherme Fontes, Humberto Martins, Andrea Beltrão, Viviane Pasmanter e Raul Cortez.

Em março de 1993, estreava Renascer, novela exibida às 20h, escrita por Benedito Ruy Barbosa.

Em 19 de abril de 1993, estreava o programa infantil TV Colosso, no lugar do Xou da Xuxa. Apesar do sucesso e inúmeros pedidos dos fãs para manter a atração no ar, sai da grade em 1997. Nesse mesmo dia, a Globo inova e transmite o primeiro telejornal da rede em São Paulo, o Jornal da Globo, que passava a ser apresentado por Lillian Witte Fibe.

Em maio de 1993, estreava o Programa Xuxa, comandado por Xuxa, com diversas diferenças em relação ao Xou da Xuxa, o programa era voltado para toda a família. A apresentadora queria utilizar uma linguagem diferente com as crianças. O que não agradou e ficou somente cinco meses no ar.

Em novembro de 1993, estreou no horário das 20h, Fera Ferida, um grande sucesso, escrito por Aguinaldo Silva, Ricardo Linhares e Ana Maria Moretzsohn, protagonizada por Edson Celulari e Giulia Gam.

Em 1994, a rede transmite a Copa do Mundo nos Estados Unidos, onde acompanhou o tetracampeonato da seleção brasileira, depois de 24 anos de espera. Neste ano Xuxa volta a comandar um programa, o Xuxa Park, exibido aos sábados das 8 às 11h55, o que marca a volta da apresentadora à televisão brasileira e ao público infantil, depois de meses investindo em sua carreira internacional, além do fracasso do Programa Xuxa.

Em abril de 1994, Ivani Ribeiro volta a escrever um grande sucesso, o remake de A Viagem no horário das 19h, contou com Andrea Beltrão, Maurício Mattar, Guilherme Fontes, Antônio Fagundes e Christiane Torloni. Ivani faleceu no ano seguinte.

Em 11 de abril, volta o telejornal da vespertino, o Jornal Hoje, com Willian Bonner e Cristina Ranzolin de segunda à sábado.

Em 1 de maio, durante o Grande Prêmio de San Marino, morre Ayrton Senna. A rede faz uma grande cobertura, transmitindo também o velório do piloto.

Em outubro do mesmo ano, substituindo A Viagem, entra no ar Quatro por Quatro, com Letícia Spiller e Marcello Novaes na trama de Carlos Lombardi.

Em 1995, em seus 30 anos, a emissora estreou Os Trapalhões com Didi e Dedé e Malhação (no lugar da Escolinha do Professor Raimundo, que registrava baixa audiência). Nesse mesmo ano, o programa humorístico Os Trapalhões com Didi e Dedé, saía do ar após 18 anos de muito sucesso na história da Globo.

Em março de 1995, substituindo o fracasso de Pátria Minha, estreia A Próxima Vítima, onde o Brasil literalmente "parou" para saber quem foi o assassino da trama.

No mesmo ano, o canal Top Sports da Globosat tem seu nome alterado para Sportv.

Regina Duarte comemora seus 30 anos de carreira e de presente ganha um grande papel: a protagonista Helena da novela História de Amor, escrita por Manoel Carlos, que fez grande sucesso no horário das 18 horas.

Veio também o Festival 30 Anos. O Plim Plim dos intervalos dos filmes ganhou vinhetas animadas feitas por cartunistas famosos como Ziraldo, Chico Caruso, Millôr, e Borjalo. Mensagens de cidadania, dicas de prevenção à Aids e à dengue foram alguns dos temas abordados nas animações, que tinham duração de 30 segundos. No mesmo ano, exibe reportagens (como aconteceu em outras redes) sobre o controverso Chute da Santa, que aconteceu num programa religioso da Rede Record, ocorrido na madrugada de 12 de outubro.

No final de março de 1996, entra nas noites de domingo o seriado Sai de Baixo, que faz a Globo reassumir a liderança de audiência, coisa que aconteceu pela última vez em setembro de 1991, voltando a colocar o programa Topa Tudo por Dinheiro, do SBT, na vice-liderança. O seriado começou com 26 pontos de audiência, empatando com o concorrente. Já no segundo programa, chegou a picos de 40 pontos.

Em 13 de julho, a emissora exibe o especial Criança Esperança - Os Trapalhões 30 Anos, com Renato Aragão e Dedé Santana, tendo Roberto Guilherme como parte do elenco do especial, comemorando assim, os 30 anos do grupo. isso foi o último aniversário e último ano do quarteto mais alegre do Brasil, tendo início em 1966.

Em 16 de setembro, a apresentadora 

Expansão

Em 1966, a TV Globo chegou ao estado de São Paulo[2] com a aquisição do canal 5 que, desde 1952, funcionava como a TV Paulista, de propriedade das Organizações Victor Costa. Em 5 de fevereiro de 1968, foi inaugurada a terceira emissora, em Belo Horizonte, e as retransmissoras de Juiz de Fora e de Conselheiro Lafaiete, além de um link de micro-ondas que ligava o Rio de Janeiro a São Paulo.

Em 1968, Roberto Marinho adquiriu a geradora de Minas Gerais, a TV Globo Minas.[1]

As primeiras emissoras afiliadas à Rede Globo foram a TV Gaúcha (atual RBS TV Porto Alegre) e a TV Triângulo (atual Rede Integração de Uberlândia), no ano de 1967, a TV Anhanguera (Rede Anhanguera), em 1968 e a TV Guajará e a TV Coligadas(atual RBS TV Blumenau), em 1969. Também em 1969 no Ceará começou a entrar em testes a TV Verdes Mares, que foi inaugurada no dia 31 de janeiro de 1970 em Fortaleza. A TV Verdes Mares começou a sua transmissão no canal 10, onde se mantém até hoje, no sistema analógico, e no canal 33 da televisão digital.

Em 1972, Roberto Marinho adquiriu a geradora de Pernambuco, Globo Recife e até hoje permanece com o mesmo canal no sistema analógico: 13.

Acordo com a Time-Life

Em 1962, um acordo assinado entre Time-Life e as Organizações Globo (atual grupo Globo), holding de Roberto Marinho, proporcionou a Marinho o acesso a um capital em torno de 6 milhões de dólares, o que lhe garantiu recursos para comprar equipamentos e infraestrutura para a Globo. Em troca, Time-Life teria participação em 30% de todos os lucros auferidos pelo funcionamento da TV Globo. Como comparação, a maior TV brasileira na época, a TV Tupi, tinha sido construída com um capital em torno de US$ 300.000.

O acordo foi considerado ilegal, pois a Constituição Brasileira naquela época proibia qualquer pessoa ou empresa estrangeira de possuir participação em uma empresa brasileira de comunicação. O acordo foi investigado por uma CPI em 1967. Como uma tentativa de legalizar o acordo, mencionava-se claramente nos termos deste acordo que a Time-Life ou Time Inc. não tinha o direito de participar ou de interferir na administração da Globo. Na prática, Time-Life possuía grande influência dentro da Globo: Joseph Wallach, o ex-diretor da Time-Life na Califórnia, se tornou um diretor executivo dentro da Globo.[3][4]

O início

A Santa Missa em seu Lar foi criada em 2 de maio de 1965, sendo assim o programa mais antigo em exibição pela emissora.

Numa transmissão ao vivo de seu programa Show da Noite, Gláucio Gil que era bastante conhecido pelos telespectadores do Rio de Janeiro, faleceu em 13 de agosto de 1965.[5] Após sua morte devido a um infarto a emissora logo saiu do ar.[5] O programa era do gênero de entrevistas em que ele recebia convidados em seu sofá e sua estreia ocorreu no lançamento da Rede Globo.[5]

O início da TV Globo como uma rede de emissoras afiliadas por todo o país se dá a partir de 1969 quando entrou no ar o Jornal Nacional, primeiro telejornal em rede nacional, ainda hoje transmitido pela emissora e líder de audiência nacional.[1] O primeiro programa foi apresentado por Hilton Gomes e Cid Moreira.

Década de 1970

Em 1970, em seus 5 anos, a emissora transmitiu pela primeira vez a Copa do Mundo, vencida pelo Brasil. Grande parte das "inovações" impostas na grade de programação e na forma de produção dos programas foi obtida graças à contratação de profissionais oriundos da TV Excelsior (cuja concessão fora cassada pelo Governo Militar no mesmo ano) e que já operava com muitos dos parâmetros utilizados pela Rede Globo para criar seu "Padrão Globo de Qualidade".

Em 21 de abril de 1971, entrou no ar a TV Globo Brasília, no canal 10, apresentando uma partida do Vasco contra o Flamengo (ao vivo do Rio de Janeiro) e o programa Som Livre Exportação. No mesmo dia, entrou no ar o vespertino "Jornal Hoje", no ar até hoje e único telejornal vespertino exibido pela rede, ao contrário das concorrentes.



Sede da Rede Globo em Brasília

Em 22 de abril de 1972 foi inaugurada a TV Globo Nordeste,em Pernambuco. Também naquele ano a Globo participou do pool de emissoras que efetuou a 1ª transmissão nacional e oficial em cores, junto com as concorrentes Rede Tupi, TV Record, TV Bandeirantes entre outras. A televisão mostrou a abertura da Festa da Uva, em Caxias do Sul, em 19 de fevereiro.



Sede da Rede Globo no Rio de Janeiro.

Em 31 de março (dia da inauguração do sistema de televisão em cores no Brasil), a TV Globo exibiu o especial "Meu Primeiro Baile", o primeiro programa da televisão brasileira inteiramente gravado em cores.

Em 1973, estreou o "Globo Repórter", no ar até hoje. No mesmo ano, entrou no ar o programa "Fantástico", também líder de audiência e ainda hoje transmitido aos domingos.

Em 11 de março de 1974, Entra no ar a sessão vespertina de filmes "Sessão da Tarde".

A 25 de Abril de 1974, a Rede Globo inicia suas coberturas jornalísticas internacionais de maneira inesperada: Sandra Passarinho viaja às pressas para Madrid, e em seguida para Lisboa para cobrir a Revolução dos Cravos.

Em 1975 É implantado no país o conceito de rede de tv, devido ao sucesso da programação nacional. Em 1977 toda a programação da emissora passa a ser a cores. Em 1982 A Rede Globo introduz o uso do satélite, que permite que a programação nacional passe a ser exibida simultaneamente por todas as emissoras.

A dupla Walter Clark e José Bonifácio, que mais tarde seriam chamada de Boni & Clark, alusão ao Bonnie e Clyde, seriam também responsáveis pelos ganhos das afiliadas da TV Difusora (São Luís, Maranhão em 1972) e a TV Ajuricaba (Manaus, Amazonas, em 1974), ambas da TV Record.

Em 1975, a Rede Globo que completava 10 anos no ar, foi forçada pelo Governo Federal, na época do Regime Militar, a não exibir o Roque Santeiro, com 34 capítulos gravados. Também, a emissora contava com uma programação nacional. No lugar, foi colocada a reprise da novela Selva de Pedra de 1972. Em 1985, com o fim do regime e a censura, com a posse do governo civil, a nova versão da novela voltou ser gravada e exibida com sucesso. No mesmo ano, estreava Caso Especial, que entrava no ar semanalmente (abril-dezembro) e manteve no ar até 1995.

A partir de 1976 é o momento em que a Globo começa a construir o que seria chamado de "Padrão Globo de Qualidade", em que o horário nobre é preenchido com duas novelas de temática mais leve, encaixadas por telejornais curtos e sintéticos (o atual Praça TV e o Jornal Nacional), uma telenovela de produção nobre e com enredo mais forte, que seria chamada a partir de então de "novela das oito" (atual "novela das nove") e a partir das 22h uma linha de shows, filmes ou o "Globo Repórter" (antes a linha de shows começava às 21h15, posteriormente às 21h30), sempre com bastante regularidade de horário e programação. Este padrão nada mais é do que a chamada "grade fixa", tanto na vertical (sequência dos programas no dia), quanto na horizontal (respeito à sequência ao longo dos dias da semana), orquestrada por Walter Clark e José Bonifácio de Oliveira Sobrinho (mais conhecido como "Boni") em 1960, antes responsáveis pela programação da extinta TV Excelsior. A grade fixa é utilizada pela Globo nos dias de hoje fielmente, exceto aos verões nos horários de shows após as 22h, que são substituídos por minisséries, reprises de filmes e o Big Brother Brasil atualmente. O padrão seria decisivo para a conquista da liderança de audiência, pois, no final da década de 1970, as duas grandes redes, a Rede de Emissoras Independentes e a Rede Tupi, estavam se deteriorando por falta de recursos e estratégia, e a Rede Bandeirantes não havia crescido o suficiente nessa época, sobrando apenas a Globo como uma alternativa de certa qualidade, somada à estreia das novas sessões de cinema, o Festival de Inverno e a Sessão de Gala.

Em 1977, toda a programação da emissora passa a ser a cores e é também forçada pelo mesmo Governo Federal a não exibir a novela Despedida de Casado, sendo substituído por outra novela. No mesmo ano, a rede estreia Os Trapalhões, considerado o programa de humor de maior tempo no ar.

Em 1978, a emissora transmite a Copa do Mundo de 1978. Após o encerramento do evento esportivo, estreou o Globo Esporte, o programa esportivo no ar até hoje, e tem a faixa Bom Domingo, com as atrações: Som Brasil, Concertos para a Juventude, Operação Resgate, O Bem-Amado, Balança Mas Não Cai, Alerta Geral, Fantástico, A Festa é Nossa, Os Trapalhões, Dallas, O Planeta dos Homens, Geração 80, Chico Total, Esporte Espetacular e Globo Gente.

Outra estreia foi o Domingo Maior, a segunda sessão de filmes exibido pela Globo.

O programa já estreou Alerta Geral. exibido na Sexta Super, Bom Domingo e Domingo Global, entre 1979 e 1984, apresentado por Cid Moreira (1979-1981), Francisco Cuoco (1981-1982) e Armando Bogus (1982-1984), uma das atrações musicais que marcaram essa semana no Brasil e no mundo.

Década de 1980

Em 1980, nos 15 anos da emissora, estreava o Globo Rural, no comando de Carlos Nascimento. Neste mesmo ano, ia ao ar o programa TV Mulher. Em 5 de maio estreia O Vale a Pena Ver de Novo a sessão de reprises de novelas da emissora. Em maio estreia Sexta Super sempre depois da novela das oito até 1988, horário atualmente ocupado pelo Globo Repórter. Em julho desse mesmo ano, era fechada a Rede Tupi de Televisão, e boa parte do elenco da Tupi, ira à Rede Globo (e a maioria se encontra até hoje na emissora).

Em 1981, Viva o Gordo faz o tom de comédia na Globo, muitas vezes com mensagens contra o governo. Foram reprisados os programas Globo Cor Especial, O Homem de Seis Milhões de Dólares, Grandes Nomes, Saudade Não Tem Idade, O Bem-Amado, Show do Mês, Brasil Pandeiro, Aplauso, Casal 20, Disco Show, Globo de Ouro, Duro na Queda e Chico City, exibido na Terça Nobre em 1982. Em abril estreia o Supercine.

Em 31 de dezembro de 1982, a Globo se transformou em rede nacional de televisão. E também, fez que toda a programação, fosse ao Brasil inteiro via satélite, antes restrita ao Rio de Janeiro e outros estados e entrava no ar a Corrida de São Silvestre.

Em 1983, estreavam o Bom Dia Praça, o Bom Dia Brasil, o Praça TV com SPTV, RJTV, e DFTV, e (inspirado no formato do Jornal do Almoço da RBS TV), o infantil Balão Mágico, que permaneceu no ar até 1986 e o Vídeo Show, no ar até 2019. Haviam também os shows Sexta Super e Terça Nobre, com as atrações: Saudade Não Tem Idade, Brasil Pandeiro, Grandes Nomes, O Planeta dos Homens, Show do Mês, Disco Show, Geração 80, Primeira Exibição, Chico City, Globinho, O Bem-Amado, Aplauso, Globo de Ouro, Alerta Geral, Casal 20, Operação Resgate, Chico Anysio Show, Duro na Queda, Os Gatões, Batalha dos Astros, Globo Cor Especial, O Homem de Seis Milhões de Dólares, A Festa é Nossa e Disneylândia. Havia também Os Trapalhões com Renato Aragão, devido o desentendimento entre os quatro humoristas

Em 1984, estrearam as novelas Amor com Amor se Paga, Vereda Tropical e Corpo a Corpo. Reestreia em 25 de março, Os Trapalhões, com a volta do quarteto. 0 Em 1985, nos 20 anos da emissora, entra no ar Armação Ilimitada, e a novela Roque Santeiro, esta última um grande sucesso. No mesmo ano, também estreava o Corujão, nas madrugadas de segunda a domingo. Ainda em 1985, a Globo exibe o especial SOS Nordeste com quatro horas num domingo de agosto. No mesmo ano, é anunciada a criação da campanha e do programa Criança Esperança.

Em 1986, estreia o programa infantil Xou da Xuxa e a série Anos Dourados. No mesmo ano, teve lugar o primeiro show da campanha Criança Esperança, dedicado à Declaração Universal dos Direitos da Criança como tema, dentro do especial que comemorou os 20 anos de Os Trapalhões. O primeiro show da campanha Criança Esperança teve direção de Victor Paranhos e supervisão geral de Walter Lacet, com apresentação de César Filho e Os Trapalhões, artistas diversos e grande elenco da Rede Globo.

Em 1988 estreia a sessão semanal de filmes Tela Quente, que só exibe filmes inéditos. No mesmo ano é levada ao ar a novela Vale Tudo, um dos maiores sucessos da teledramaturgia brasileira, que contava a história de Maria de Fátima (Glória Pires) e Raquel (Regina Duarte), sendo antagonista e protagonista, respectivamente, ainda se destacou na trama os personagens de Renata Sorrah, Beatriz Segall, Carlos Alberto Ricceli, Lília Cabral,Reginaldo Faria e Cássia Kis Magro.

Em 1989, estreava a novela Que Rei Sou Eu? e o programa Domingão do Faustão. No mesmo ano também entrava no ar a sessão Temperatura Máxima, que antes era exibida às terças-feiras, mudando para o domingo no mesmo ano. A linha de shows após a novela das oito era formada por Tela Quente, TV Pirata, Chico Anysio Show, Futebol e Cinema Especial, Globo de Ouro e Globo Repórter, e às dez e meia, minisséries brasileiras e internacionais. Nos domingos de março, às sete horas da noite, a emissora exibia o humorístico Os Trapalhões e as oito da noite, o jornalístico Fantástico.

Década de 1990

Em março de 1990, a volta do Globo Repórter nas noites de terça-feira. em maio, O Globo Repórter muda para as noites de sexta-feira. a emissora, que completava 25 anos, exibia o Festival 25 Anos

Em abril de 1990, estreia às 20h, a novela Rainha da Sucata, escrita por Sílvio de Abreu, que trouxe como protagonista título Regina Duarte, que era uma sucateira batalhadora, com destaque para Glória Menezes, Tony Ramos, Cláudia Raia, Antônio Fagundes e Aracy Balabanian.

Transmite a Copa do Mundo FIFA de 1990, vencida pela Alemanha.

Ainda em 1990, estreou, no horário das 18h, Barriga de Aluguel, escrita por Glória Perez, abordou o tema de barrigas solidárias trazendo como protagonistas as atrizes Cássia Kis Magro e Cláudia Abreu.

Substituindo Rainha da Sucata, no final de outubro entra no ar a novela Meu Bem, Meu Mal, escrita por Cassiano Gabus Mendes.

Em 1991, A Rede Globo lança no Brasil a série americana Os Simpsons produzido pela FOX, na programação da 17h30 até 18:30 da tarde.

Em 1991, estreava no horário nobre a novela O Dono do Mundo, protagonizada por Glória Pires e Antônio Fagundes, que não teve muita repercussão devido a concorrência acirrada com o SBT, que exibia a novela mexicana, Carrossel. Além disso a trama registrava índices inferiores a novela das 19 horas, Vamp, que foi um grande sucesso, especialmente entre o público jovem.

Ainda em 1991 foi criada a Globosat, que estreou com quatro canais direcionados à TV paga.

Ainda em 1991, ocorre o primeiro Plantão da Globo, boletim extraordinário da emissora. Apesar disso, o embrião do boletim surgiu em 1982, como Plantão JN.

Ainda em 1991, estreava a novela Felicidade, no horário das 18 horas,que além do sucesso e a alta audiência, foi a primeira novela da emissora a ter uma mulher na direção geral: Denise Saraceni, e marcando a volta de Manoel Carlos às novelas, pois estava afastado da emissora, desde o término de Sol de Verão, em março de 1983. De 27 de julho à 28 de julho, a Globo exibia o especial 25 Anos Trapalhões - A Festa da Amizade, com uma programação especial de 25 horas de duração, comemorando os 25 anos do grupo. esse foi o penúltimo aniversário dos Trapalhões. Em Dezembro de 1991, a emissora estreava o Réveillon do Faustão.

No início de 1992, estreia o grande sucesso do horário das 20h: Pedra sobre Pedra, escrita por Aguinaldo Silva, Ricardo Linhares e Ana Maria Moretzsohn, protagonizada por Lima Duarte, Fábio Jr., Adriana Esteves Maurício Mattar e Renata Sorrah.

Em 1992, transmite as Olimpíadas de 1992 e faz cobertura sobre os escândalos de corrupção do Governo Federal, tendo ocorrido à época o impeachment de Collor.

Em 28 de Abril de 1992, estreia o humorístico Brasileiro Casseta & Planeta, Urgente!.

Em 3 de Agosto de 1992, estreou a telenovela De Corpo e Alma exibida as 20h e é escrita por Glória Perez e dirigida por Roberto Talma, Contou com Cristiana Oliveira, Tarcísio Meira, Maria Zilda Bethlem, Betty Faria, Bruna Lombardi, Neuza Borges, Renée de Vielmond, Carlos Vereza, Stênio Garcia, Nathália Timberg, Daniella Perez, Fábio Assunção, José Mayer, Beatriz Segall e Victor Fasano nos papéis principais, A novela discutiu temas de doação de órgãos e transplantes, mas porem a novela também é marcada pelo o assassinato da atriz Daniella Perez filha da autora Glória Perez que ocorreu em 28 de dezembro do mesmo ano.

Em fevereiro de 1993, Glória Pires protagoniza como as gêmeas Ruth e Raquel o remake de Mulheres de Areia, no horário das 18h,escrita por Ivani Ribeiro e dirigida por Wolf Maya, ainda teve no elenco Marcos Frota, Susana Vieira, Guilherme Fontes, Humberto Martins, Andrea Beltrão, Viviane Pasmanter e Raul Cortez.

Em março de 1993, estreava Renascer, novela exibida às 20h, escrita por Benedito Ruy Barbosa.

Em 19 de abril de 1993, estreava o programa infantil TV Colosso, no lugar do Xou da Xuxa. Apesar do sucesso e inúmeros pedidos dos fãs para manter a atração no ar, sai da grade em 1997. Nesse mesmo dia, a Globo inova e transmite o primeiro telejornal da rede em São Paulo, o Jornal da Globo, que passava a ser apresentado por Lillian Witte Fibe.

Em maio de 1993, estreava o Programa Xuxa, comandado por Xuxa, com diversas diferenças em relação ao Xou da Xuxa, o programa era voltado para toda a família. A apresentadora queria utilizar uma linguagem diferente com as crianças. O que não agradou e ficou somente cinco meses no ar.

Em novembro de 1993, estreou no horário das 20h, Fera Ferida, um grande sucesso, escrito por Aguinaldo Silva, Ricardo Linhares e Ana Maria Moretzsohn, protagonizada por Edson Celulari e Giulia Gam.

Em 1994, a rede transmite a Copa do Mundo nos Estados Unidos, onde acompanhou o tetracampeonato da seleção brasileira, depois de 24 anos de espera. Neste ano Xuxa volta a comandar um programa, o Xuxa Park, exibido aos sábados das 8 às 11h55, o que marca a volta da apresentadora à televisão brasileira e ao público infantil, depois de meses investindo em sua carreira internacional, além do fracasso do Programa Xuxa.

Em abril de 1994, Ivani Ribeiro volta a escrever um grande sucesso, o remake de A Viagem no horário das 19h, contou com Andrea Beltrão, Maurício Mattar, Guilherme Fontes, Antônio Fagundes e Christiane Torloni. Ivani faleceu no ano seguinte.

Em 11 de abril, volta o telejornal da vespertino, o Jornal Hoje, com Willian Bonner e Cristina Ranzolin de segunda à sábado.

Em 1 de maio, durante o Grande Prêmio de San Marino, morre Ayrton Senna. A rede faz uma grande cobertura, transmitindo também o velório do piloto.

Em outubro do mesmo ano, substituindo A Viagem, entra no ar Quatro por Quatro, com Letícia Spiller e Marcello Novaes na trama de Carlos Lombardi.

Em 1995, em seus 30 anos, a emissora estreou Os Trapalhões com Didi e Dedé e Malhação (no lugar da Escolinha do Professor Raimundo, que registrava baixa audiência). Nesse mesmo ano, o programa humorístico Os Trapalhões com Didi e Dedé, saía do ar após 18 anos de muito sucesso na história da Globo.

Em março de 1995, substituindo o fracasso de Pátria Minha, estreia A Próxima Vítima, onde o Brasil literalmente "parou" para saber quem foi o assassino da trama.

No mesmo ano, o canal Top Sports da Globosat tem seu nome alterado para Sportv.

Regina Duarte comemora seus 30 anos de carreira e de presente ganha um grande papel: a protagonista Helena da novela História de Amor, escrita por Manoel Carlos, que fez grande sucesso no horário das 18 horas.

Veio também o Festival 30 Anos. O Plim Plim dos intervalos dos filmes ganhou vinhetas animadas feitas por cartunistas famosos como Ziraldo, Chico Caruso, Millôr, e Borjalo. Mensagens de cidadania, dicas de prevenção à Aids e à dengue foram alguns dos temas abordados nas animações, que tinham duração de 30 segundos. No mesmo ano, exibe reportagens (como aconteceu em outras redes) sobre o controverso Chute da Santa, que aconteceu num programa religioso da Rede Record, ocorrido na madrugada de 12 de outubro.

No final de março de 1996, entra nas noites de domingo o seriado Sai de Baixo, que faz a Globo reassumir a liderança de audiência, coisa que aconteceu pela última vez em setembro de 1991, voltando a colocar o programa Topa Tudo por Dinheiro, do SBT, na vice-liderança. O seriado começou com 26 pontos de audiência, empatando com o concorrente. Já no segundo programa, chegou a picos de 40 pontos.

Em 13 de julho, a emissora exibe o especial Criança Esperança - Os Trapalhões 30 Anos, com Renato Aragão e Dedé Santana, tendo Roberto Guilherme como parte do elenco do especial, comemorando assim, os 30 anos do grupo. isso foi o último aniversário e último ano do quarteto mais alegre do Brasil, tendo início em 1966.

Em 16 de setembro, a apresentadora