#tonight it's a whole lot of personal!!
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I came up with the idea for today's love fest over the weekend when I saw a lot of comments from people expressing sadness about the cancellation, and then also some embarrassment for feeling that way, or feeling alone in their emotions. I wanted to do something positive that felt personal and that would remind people that fandom isn't going anywhere.
Originally I thought to do it a few days after the WJW with DJenks, figuring we'd need another boost after that high wore off. Obviously the WJW didn't end up happening, but then I realized it was Rhys' birthday today, so that also felt like a great reason to spread a bit of love (not that you ever need a reason for that!).
And honestly, while the whole point was to make other people smile, the whole experience really boosted my own spirits tremendously. While stalking perusing everyone's blogs for inspo, I was reminded quite powerfully just how many extremely kind, talented, smart, funny, insightful, beautiful people there are in this fandom.
So I just want to say thank you. All of you who create gifs, make art, write fic, analyze the show, share shit posts, or reblog all of the above so we can see it again and again and again, you have made a difference in my fandom experience. With every post, you made me fall in love with Ed and Stede and the whole crew just a little bit more. Whether you're someone who's always in the tags or someone who prefers to quietly reblog, you have made my time here very special and I'm so grateful. 💕
#emynn.op#ofmd#also please know I tried to get to as many of you as I could but I'm still just one person#I'm also afraid there may be a bit of user error when I was trying to submit some of the asks from switching between tabs#and also I don't doubt tumblr ate a few since APPARENTLY there's a limit of 10 asks/hour and I sent...about 130#so please know even if I didn't reach out to you directly I am still giving you all the love and good vibes in the world#and I'm so happy you're here 💕#and if you're ever feeling down or alone just reach out#to me or to some other friendly face on this site#bc if there's one thing I got out of today#it's the knowledge that this fandom has a whole lot of love to give#basking in all the love tonight and I hope you are too#💕💕💕💕
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20/10 stars little guy
#me (scrounging undetected autist whose ideal fashion sense is ''if i have to be seen at all: shrouded'') seeing encanto the other month.....#and on top of it all i LOVE slice of life. encanto being so focused on What It's About that there's so much of that + character / dynamic#also part of what i loved abt pixar luca. ppl like ''simple story but not a problem :)'' like YEAH thank god it's Also so slice of lifey#2021 what a year lol. though again i only Just saw encanto....tfw Studio Creative Control backs off a bit more than usual: Joy & Wonders#anyway i knew going in bruno wasn't an antagonist (fine if he was though b/c slay & b/c scapegoats can do whatever they want)#knew i'd love him b/c again Scapegoat shows up & i'm the Amazing Showstopping Totally Unique Never The Same gif on loop#but what a delight even beyond those expectations lol. love again how Focused the movie is on What It's About & Thee Points it makes#the Characters / Dynamics & the Metaphor & the plot stays right with all of that. the focus & importance re: thee scapegoats....#& bruno being disabled like whole layer of Yay Yay Yay spamming. that even when He's Back we're reminded he's not ''normal now'' or w/e#(i.e. presenting that as The Good Ending for the disabled outcast. vs just being embraced as part of the group again & accepted As He Is)#meanwhile was like hmm chat is there queercoding do we think? like is he queer: Yes. but is there coding? hmm#sure isn't cishet coded though. but i was also having the thought like fellas is it gay to [higher tenor tessitura or w/e] lol#made me go ''do i know this voice? ok do i know this name / face / actor? (i have never seen anything ever / bad w/names/faces/voices)''#indeed was like yeah haven't seen this; heard of this; seen it once ages ago no way i remember more than like 0.6 details#then from ''ohh haha I'm A Mammal That Cares....yeah i hear that'' to ''omg CHI-CHI RODRIGUEZ???? ;;0;;'' waaah fantastic revelation lmao#also the way Literal Future Seer ability was externalized to make it more wrangleable for plot is so impressive & fun & excellent#got a lot of [i like this thing i saw a lot] i got to say....guess i can do that w/the sideblog i made for one drawing i made last night#encanto 2021#bruno madrigal#also the way bruno is so Nervous + Hiding / Bold + Big Personality like yes ha ha ha Yes....tamped down as ''too much'' experience#also the [stuttering stumbling muttering mumbling] line: i fr nigh wept upon going back over a moment like what am i hearing here?#& realizing the answer was: it's bruno quietly stuttering a moment during this one line (& then (& then (& then)) i saw you) ;;;mm;;;#hang onnn....the first scapegoat who's driven off being Disabled is so real so ;m; that again they're like so he got Weirder; Okay ;;m;;#that we get jorge thumbs up nobody having an Aside to be like [ugh; this guy] or Anything. augh always have too much to say for 30 tags#fabric drape there sure not accurate but i was like okay if i try to really reference that i'm not getting this done tonight
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Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle
#my characters#i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah?#and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind#and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge#if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally#think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me#also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far#she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple#so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot#however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt#for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely#deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c#but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj#so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way#nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all#he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in#like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately#he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have#long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person#and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her#so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock#(fulj agrees)
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I find Dean mostly endearing during the run of the show, but sometimes I am put off by how you and other Dean fans will twist yourself in knots trying to take up for him when often, it'd just be simpler and more honest to admit when he's wrong about something.
You must be new here.
#feel like i personally talk a lot about tfw wrongs#i just... i feel like I talk about Dean's faults more than many? esp with regards to jack#?#spn parenting#but liiiike that whole point of dean is that he's human#*waves at his entire hell arc*#he struggles with his relationship to The Cause and Work#*waves at all of everything and every single character*#he fights against concepts of purity and pureness as represented by purgatory and longings for worlds where rules are simpler#dean is an honor-coded executioner so of course he struggles with that!#but just because you struggle with something doesn't mean you are YIELDING to it wholesale#and dean on the whole does not yield unthinkingly to this even when pressed#every single soldier-coded character is struggling with this actually#Dean tends to engage in some splitting#but overall tries to believe in the best of ppl...a good quality!#yeah i'm not inflicting this on y'all tonight#into the queue this goes
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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good news: i am feeling way better overall, the antibiotics are doing their job & i am way thankful for it. i've also got some appointments to keep up on the og issue & dealing with this has put me on the fast track to getting / keeping insurance!
bad news: i do think i got sick from sitting next to a little girl in the er & that is kicking my ass so everything in my life is way behind right now. i want to write, but i have to clean house before i clean drafts lmao
#ooc.#tbd.#personal.#i did have a post tht i ended up deleting abt what is actually going on#but it is personal / gross so i didnt want to talk abt it on the dash#im hoping however to maybe tend to some messages tonight#but im making soup & i've been sleeping like a ton which has put me on the right track to feeling better#i am however frustrated w the amount of sleep i need from a mix of being sick & recovering from the original issue#+ i am extremely frustrated because a lot of groceries went bad because i was not well enough to cook w them#++ i am even MORE frustrated because the whole apartment has kind of fallen apart bcs my partner is not helping w chores#which is like okay because he works & i dont rn i am just starting to feel insane bcs the dishes stink & the fridge stinks & litter stinks#plus i also when working go in & out of phases of doing chores it just is a lot to handle to have such a nasty space & be helpless abt it#i am hoping to get enough energy in me to deal w it today tbh
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I find it interesting that Jesse Armstrong and others refer to Roman Roy as a "playboy" and say that he "goes back to being a playboy" in the finale cause like....where? I feel like Roman is someone that just wants everyone to think he's a playboy and "drowning in pussy", when he is clearly...not? Time and time again, it's been shown that he can't really fuck a woman and can go quite a long time without doing so. Unless you count what happens with Gerri as sex. To me it has always seemed that he is simply posturing as the kind of man who is capable of "getting pussy", that he is exhibiting a performative joy in objectifying them and fucking on the regular, and that he makes his statements disgusting enough that people don't want to pry into the truth of it any further. And what effect does that achieve, other than to be closer to whatever version of masculinity Logan might've deemed best? Or the closest version Roman is capable of achieving? What Roman lacks in corporate ambition and focus, he makes up for in exaggerated, lewd sex talk. It achieves the effect of making him seem preoccupied with sex, just the way a "normal," testosterone-oozing man would. But as we know, he is actually having very little. This is all to say, "Playboy where?"
#roman roy#succession#do any of y'all see him as a playboy because i sure as fuck do not#he says 'oh yeah i'd fuck that in a minute' and then just...doesn't. lmao#and no player/playboy/womanizer/fuckboy i've ever known seems capable of lasting very long (no pun intended) without hooking up#the whole essence of being a playboy/fuckboy is using women for your personal benefit. to finish. and then discard them#and move on to the next#meanwhile roman like. lives with women. doesn't fuck them. ever. and then develops an emotional (repressed) attachment to the one woman#that does actually get him off lol.#a true playboy would kill themselves before ever making an attachment like that lmao#ANYWAY!#idk why im in the mood for this tonight i guess i just have a lot of opinions on this i guess#i think they tried to WRITE him to be a playboy. and then kieran's performance just...turned that shit around#into something far more interesting#text
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gonna go on another bot purge tonight so here's your friendly Reminder that if you have nothing on your blog (default icon/header/title, no rbs/likes) uhhhh i Will think you're a bot and you Will be blocked <3
#sweeping dust bunnies off the ol' blog yk yk#haven't done a bot check in a month or so there's Bound to be a lot#luckily ive been seeing a lot less default icons lately which is Nice#the refugees seem to be catching on...#absolutely unprompted#on another note since im here and i want to Complain about things that are my own damn fault#i need to wake up early and drive tomorrow which i Expected#but i Forgot how early. and ive trapped myself in a position where thats the time i need to leave.#couldve left tonight smh...#now i have to take into account my own sluggishness when waking early + getting ready + morning traffic#screams cries sobs etc. oh well. i hope my fav boba place is open by the time i skedaddle#yesterday i was like: oh leaving tomorrow? on such short notice (learned a whole day prior)? surely i cant. its too soon. im unprepared#but now im in waiting mode and dreading the Earliness#woe is me. except not. i did this to myself 💅#sigh. anyway yeah make sure your blog looks like a person runs it
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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why is everything in the world about love why does love seep and bleed into completely unrelated things every single time why is love unavoidable and inescapable why does it invade life more than any other emotion i see depicted ever why does everything tie back into love in the end STOP THAT !!!!!!!! STOP IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE ABOUT LOVE. THERE ARE OTHER THINGS. OTHER THINGS EXIST WE HAVE SO MUCH ABOUT LOVE WE HAVE ENOUGH ABOUT LOVE GUYS PLEASE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#suddenly extremely worried that this could be taken as vagueposting bc a Lot of mutuals are loveposting tonight#so to be completely clear.#this is ENTIRELY about the fact that i cannot find ANY songs for one of my ocs#because love plays no significant or meaningful role in her life it doesnt shape any part of who she is as a person#found one (1) in god knows how many hours of searching#and every little song i find with her vibes in SOME WAY ties back into another person#im losing my whole entire mind i need to explode forever and ever and ever and ever#alyalyoxenfree
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Actually I don’t think I’ll ever forgive how Wash’s disability and subsequent ‘cure’ was handled.
#beans speaks#personal#rvb#red versus blue#the Carolina and wash plotline was a lil ehhh bc I don’t think they gave Carolina’s attitude abt his new limits a healthy foil#like it would have been see easy to have Dr Grey or Wash himself parallel her fear and frustration#and it could have gotten into such character depth too!#shine a light on her past trauma with losing people/them getting hurt to show that a lot of her perspective is ultimately selfish#which isn’t ‘wrong’ it’s normal considering what she’s been through but she needs to respect wash’s autonomy!#I haven’t seen 0 but. I heard. they gave him a. a fucking AI and it was all yippee he’s fine#as though that doesn’t go against like a major personal boundary of Wash (not a big fan of ai in his head) while also ignoring the whole.#yeah we just have to deal with this. it’s not fun and it’s gonna suck sometimes but it doesn’t change our love or respect.#sorry if I sound insane I also haven’t watched that season in a while and I’m. a lil. wooo tonight y’know#like as a disabled person w a progressive condition that is stopping me from doing things I used to be able to do#and will continue to limit my abilities as the years go by#it makes me wanna tear someone limb from fucking limb
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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had quite the night drive earlier this evening.
#just me rambling again#web weaving#(?)#uh. one of my friends who is out of town for college was visiting and i got to see him and our friends and the only core member of that#group of people missing was my ex girlfriend who you may also know of as my wonderful wife#who has I assume been very busy with their own life things but has also barely and very sparsely had any hint of communication with any of#us within the past few months which I've been realizing very recently sort of hurts my feelings because we used to be so close and#they had been saying that they would be constantly making sure we still were in each other's lives. but then very quickly have#seemingly dropped off the face of the earth#anyways. I was driving aforementioned friend who is in town back home (family home not college obv) and when i was finally going back#towards my house afterwards my Google maps finally lead me to an area that i was more familiar with driving and i got to an#intersection and it was telling me to take a right to go home but i knew that i knew the way perfectly from that intersection to my#ex girlfriend / best friend / wifes familys house from all of the times I've gone that direction through the past years and so#i turned off my directions and i took a left towards their house#not super sure why but my brain and body just knew it was something i needed to do and so i went and drove down their street and cried#a lot the whole time and then drove myself home from their house once again following a super familiar path#and idk im still feeling very emotional about it. the fact that halloween by noah kahan was the first song to play on Spotify#after i made that left turn im sure didnt help (knowing that i miss them so much and am going to be leaving this area myself#soon enough here and there's been an open offer for a while now that they are welcome to follow and live with me once they get their degree#(and also um. halloween is next week lol)#idk i just havent felt the full force of how badly i miss having them in my life until tonight. when i was around this person i could feel#our souls singing in harmony. i genuinely cannot describe the feelings of our relationship in words i feel like only vaguely abstract art#could communicate the connection that was forged between us and the level of understanding and knowing#something not dissimilar to looking into the sun directly or trying to describe a vivid color to someone who is completely blind#something about the way the entire universe breathes in unison and everything around us are all pieces of the same stars#sigh#i miss my wife tails i miss her a lot /ref
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💭 hmmm venting in tags.
but im very curious what you guys think about the phrase/idea "you can't love someone else until you love yourself"???
#this guy i was in a vc with earlier tonight said he ended a “relationship” with someone bc it seemed like they didnt care abt themself#theres obviously a lot i dont know about the situation so i cant comment on it too much#but there was one thing he said that i have always hated#'you cant love someone else until you love yourself'#i ended up having a whole journal session abt this phrase lmao#it's strange bc i dont believe that idea at all#i have loved people with my whole being who have in turn made me love myself more/want to take care of myself#i also feel like it's like......... it furthers this idea that u are undeserving of love?#im not sure how to properly explain it LMAO#like. there are things about myself i dislike... but i see them in other people and i think oh#maybe i will like these things abt myself#and maybe the idea applies differently in terms of when wanting to enter a relationship w someone#but hes also studying to be a therapist so. idk#no further comments on that#ANYWAY!!#personal#if anyone reads all this im curious to know what you think abt the phrase
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being an extrovert with introvert hobbies is so hard. i go crazy without other people around but at the same time i go crazy if i don't spend most of my time writing/reading/drawing
#💌 personal#im glad i got to talk lots with my friend!!!!!#but it threw my whole plans for tonight off and now i got stressed and dont know what to do with myself :((
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extremely important to me that my satyr is completely sweet and naive and gentle and innocent and is still a satyr who loves to drink and do drugs and have as much sex as possible, likewise extremely important to me that my goofy little kooky mad scientist archetype wizard with a silly voice and funny eccentricities is also unironically beautiful and desirable and capable of sincere attraction and love, extremely and equally important to me for different reasons that are the same reason
#feeling so normal about the way I'm perceived by others tonight lol lmao#I think about 'nott is child coded' shipping discourse all the fucking time#in some ways she seemed naive and childlike#and in other ways I think she was just A Weirdo in a way female characters often don't get to be#and from either angle the result is someone who makes people extremely uncomfortable to imagine as having a sex life or even a libido#as a grown woman who is in many ways both childlike and just unappealingly weird. I think about it a lot.#hey maybe people who seem soft and sweet and gentle are also fully realized people with thoughts and depth and life experiences#hey maybe people who seem weird in a way *you* find unattractive are also fully realized people with thoughts and depth and life experience#maybe when you in real life are the quirky and deeply unsexy weirdo side character of a person this all feels very personal to you#I know I've talked about this before and I'm sure I will again#I don't know how else to think about things except repeatedly and aloud#I don't know what else I can do about feeling like I don't get to be seen as a whole person except talk about it#... ironic as doing so through the lens of my fictional characters may be#I dunno. I dunno. I need to go to sleep#about me#my OCs#nyssa#melliwyk
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