#today its bed all day
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I love how I will wake up from a nightmare and then not be able to move much from the bed that day. Really adds a level of helplessness and panic in this 'struggle for survival' type life.
#nightmares#cptsd#ptsd#i had one last night#now i'm unsure if i can even go to job tomorrow#today its bed all day#it's painful to even sit down#and type this#ugh#chronic pain
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oh noooo or whatever
bonus aka The Real Motive Behind This:
SURPRISE double bonus. textless ver of the first pic under the cut
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#max eisenhardt#snap sketches#guys i drew cherik after walking to the comic shop to see official cherik omg .....#context if needed: in like. issue 17-18 of the og run magneto hijacks the x mansion and sets up The Mental Wave Distorter trap#and unfortunately the second i saw it i knew what i had to do because I Cannot Be Salvaged#tbh this was suppoesd to be moooorrreee 2011 Yaoi Doujin Core but clakjkl i like it like this way i fear#i was gonna put dialogue bubbles for the first pic but like that a lot. even tho i did post a textless ver Bro My Head Hurts#this was also supposed to be quick and thats why its in a limbo of Effort Was Made and I Held Back#because after the sketch i realized i wanted to lock in. sort of 💀 still like it tho !!!!!!#more importantly dont take me to comic shops all ima do is think of ship art to make later !!!!!#on that note tho i did have a silly giggle to myself when i saw the resurrection of magneto#like it was the silliest reaction i felt like a dog jlvkjavlka#i also found another magneto-centered run im excited bout ...... both sets were missing One book so im gonna scream but moving on#uhhhh ok im done here. my heads been hurting all day i hope its nothing serious#whats funny is that i actually planned to draw movie cherik today but alas. plans were changed#theres always tomorrow !!!!!!!!! i love you tomorrow .....#bye bye im going to bed
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💘
#this might be the most scribble thing I post here yet bahahahahahahahahahahaaha#I still like how the hands turned out even though I didn’t finish them😇#but it’s pretty messy and the hands might be the only part I like🥲#but since this blog is my art journey documentation here you are#I was pretty busy today so no good art but maybe tomorrow we’ll see#I am preparing things to FINALLY answer my asks🥹#& if you tagged me in anything I actually have been meaning to respond!!!!!!!! my notifications are the WORST and so confusing on here😵💫#and I’m technology grandma…#hope u all have had an amazing day !!!! 🫶#my brother in law has been fishing and catching SO MANY sargo#(sargo = sea bream for the animal crossing playing English speakers😙)#AND ITS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS !!!!!#i cook it in the weirdest way possible#you just have to gut the fish and cut off its fins etc#then you put it in a wet salt bed and cover it up…cook it for 30 min…AND VOILA ITS DONE !!!!!#I don’t add any spices…NOTHING…and this fish literally has the taste and texture of crab covered in butter#LIKE…😳 it might be my favorite food/fav thing to cook these days bc it’s so easy and fresh caught fish is just delicious😫#well that was my grandma cooking show of the day👩🍳#now you know how to cook sargo a la sal 👩🍳#also going back to the drawing🥹 I just love these two so much…#I love thinking of sweet moments…most of my angst is confined to writinc😆#the chapter I’m writing right now is SO ANGST DEPRESSING (sorry Eloise)#it will get better…I promise…#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc
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I am on a "mildly trashy TV shows that were super popular 20 years ago" kick & i cannot STAND those on again off again romances that seem to plague it (meredith & derek, carrie & big) like it is so exhausting idc if it's realistic it just sucks. I actually hate an exes to lovers again story in any capacity, even if it's only a single breakup & not a terrible tedious series of breakups. I've seen a lot of popular modern romance novels on goodreads with descriptions like "so & so called it off ages ago but now they're on a vacation together with friends and old feelings are stirring back up" I literally can't think of anything more boring. second chance romance is a shit trope. the only interesting part of the genre to me is two characters developing feelings for each other for the first time & seeing how that plays out. just give the characters new love interests & have them wistfully imagine their ex being hit by a bus . much more relatable
#I literally stopped my greys binging bc of this then started sex and the city binging instead & WOW! SAME EXACT PROBLEM#idk which is worse. greys is annoying bc derek is a genuinely decent guy so i feel like he doesnt deserve this & SATC is annoying bc#big deserves to be burned at the stake. im only 2 seasons deep & he pisses me off so much I hate a rich finance guy playboy in his 40s#go back to the retirement home & stay out of young womens business#i consider watching tv to be research work since im writing a show so its ok that i stay in bed all day today staring at the screen#its raining anyways .
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Winter Nights with Arelia
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click for better quality
if you like it, PLEASE REBLOG IT
#i was gonna be productive today but its been raining all day so im probably just gonna go back to bed lol#mmmmm sleeepy#art#digital art#my art#character design#original character#dragon#oc#dragons#flight rising#flight rising art#flight rising dragon#flight rising veilspun#fr veilspun#fr art#frfanart#fr fanart#flight rising fanart#fanart
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Lol
#theres nothing quite like your mother saying Well maybe you shouldve been more careful because now your boss might think youve been flirting#with this male coworker (whom i like splendidly as a friend) and now maybe she thinks youre not trustworthy#and maybe she regrets hiring you because you said you feel like youre making a lot of mistakes this week and she might assume thats because#your head is filled with this boy.#so dont make her regret hiring you.#MA'AM I TOLD YOU I WAS ALREADY ANXIOUS BECAUSE I MADE SO MANY MISTAKES TODAY WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME ASHAMED#OF SOMETHING THAT I HONESTLY HAD NO CLUE I OUGHT TO BE ANXIOUS ABOUT AT MY FIRST NEW JOB AFTER IVE GRADUATED????#anyway going to bed i cant take this anymore LOL she said it so lightly and im like. well i never even considered#being afraid of making my boss regret hiring me somehow because of some kind of behaviour that i had no idea was sending some kind of signal#anywaysssss 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#and then she was like why are you crying?? 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀#not to be like this is partly why i didnt want to move home but confound it all why are things like this#can i not simply confide in my mother my anxieties and worriws#worries#and not also have to worry about her potentially being like Well have you considered you ARE right and it IS your fault?#idk man something something firstborn child eldest daughter can i have some room to breathe. please#also not to whine but Not my father walking in on me eating dinner at 10pm because i was holed up#in my room in a semi depressive state after so many gong shows in a work day and straight up having no appetite#but deciding my body needs the food anyway its better late than never.....walking in and then saying#you know if you eat this late you'll gain weight. SIR??????????????????#sorry to complain and rant again i simply cannot in this house and whats more am doing my best to honour my parents#but why is it so hard out here and how can they say stuff like that with a smile!!!!!!!#also i DO have an inner critic who is always like Its your fault you are the worst you should be ashamed always........why do my parents#not understand after knowing me for so long and watching me grow up#that i can make myself so ashamed of the smallest thing so easily and that what they say drives me to shame almost as easily?#ANYWAY LOL WHAT A DAY#you guys!!! i am working so hard i promise i PROMISE I am!!! it is my first full time job ever and i am working so so hard#i am doing my absolute best and no one sees it and that is FINE i just wish my parents would see that i AM trying!!#i come back home so dead every single day because i put in 120%! this is literally my first job after graduation#and my parents KNOW this has been the most exhausting taxing and soul crushing year ive had in my very short life so far
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This was technically inspired by a post made by Mirai, but it ended up pretty far from the prompt so I won't link it here. I'll follow through on the original prompt soon, I promise <3 But I had this thought and I liked it
#horrible exorcists#random info but natori's asking 'my girlfriend' not because he doesnt know who theyre talking about but because hes surprised#in this au where kuromisa is fake dating natori at this point they have an established relationship but matoba doesnt go out with him like#this except for planned events#because its unnecessary work to get dressed up like this when no ones watching lol#but i think this scene would be far enough into their little situation that matoba wants to tease natori a little#hahhhhhhhhhhhh sighhhhhhhhhhhhh#my hands are numb because we had a cold day here today even though ITS MAY. and it was warm all week#my room has no heating and is pretty exposed to the elements lol so when its cold its cold and when its hot its hot.#anyway gonna go to bed now byeeee
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Fun fact about me: April 18th is my birthday! :)
And part of what I wanted to do to celebrate this year was to give back. Introducing * ~ a dipplinshipping birthday oneshot ~ * :
Rating: T
Summary:
Today was Kieran's birthday, but it was the last thing that mattered to him. In fact, he vowed it would never matter to him again. Instead, he would focus on things that would keep him strong: his battling, his strategizing, and his crown as the Blueberry Champion. His sister and the Elite Four won't stop asking him random questions, though, and if anyone brings up Juliana any more than they already have since she arrived as an exchange student, he's seriously going to lose it. But...why can't he stop thinking about her? And why is everyone acting so suspicious?!
A bittersweet birthday celebration fic for anyone who's had complicated feelings about their birthday. <3
Take this as a thank you to all of those who have followed my work and/or my Tumblr blog. I wouldn't have imagined having the support of this wonderful community on my last birthday, and I can't even begin to describe how encouraged and inspired I have felt to write since finding you guys. I have never written this much for this long, consistently, and your constant feedback and comments seriously brighten my day more than Juliana brightens up Kieran, LOL. Hope you enjoy this! <333
(And yeah, this fic is the "event based idea" that this poll was about. I thought it was so funny that some of you thought it was gonna be some devastating angst LMAOOOO. That's for after TTPD releases, tysm for the bday gift Taylor.)
#I legit was gonna go a bit of a wholesome route for S&S D but y'all said “nah” so I said “bet” and wrote Chapter 18™ instead#anyways#on a real note#seriously tysm for all the love & kind words & support#I hope this brings you some of the happiness you all constantly bring me#<3333#my fics#dipplinshipping#kieran pokemon#kieran x juliana pokemon#juliana x kieran pokemon#kieran x juliana#juliana pokemon#juliana x kieran#I had fun with some references see if you can spot 'em all#now Im gonna run to bed#I have a busy day ahead of meeee#bye for now!! <3#also yes I did lowkey contemplate teal mask Kieran instead#but my bias is allowed for today LMAO#what can I say#indigo disk Kieran is just elite#plus its fun to have the rest of the blueberry squad there#oKAY NOW IM SIGNING OFF BYEEEE#wouldnt be a dipplinduo post without me going back to edit tags#catch me editing typos later too lmfao#yes TTPD release technically falls on my bday in the time zone im currently in#will never ever shut up about that
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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🚗‼️
#driving win today!!!!!#was singing (gently) on the way home from work!!!!#it took several years just to not cry every single trip behind the wheel and so to be okay enough to sing a little was huge for me :3#i put on my milgram covers playlist and was vibing to all harukas songs 💙 ty kingsleigh and rachie#its been such a gradual process - its really exciting to have an actual visible milestone of my anxiety going down 😅#theres still a lot i need to work on lmao but im happy with this for now#also how the FUCK is it time for bed already??? where does all the time in the day go???#i will reply to people tomorrow but i wanted to real quickly document a win!!! 😎#rose rambles
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#im tempted to call out for a mh day tomorrow but ive just had 2 days off so i think they'll b mad#and i only have 5hrs and i'll be finished for 11 so i basically have the day off anyway but#my brain is kickin my butt rn so its gna be real shit 1 having to force myself through it#idk maybe goin to work will be good for me to force me out of bed#bc i stayed in bed till like 2pm today n that helped nothing at all
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#dragon#dragon art#don't have much time for art right now because University wants my Head#so have this half hour end of day scribble its time for bEd#drawing where i have zero plan and just go with the vibes#it's unfinished but i like the direction the colours were going in#as it is? scribbly messy as shit but hey#was fun to draw#enjoy#dragons#dragon artist#artists on tumblr#artist#artistsontumblr#illustration#digital art#my art#art#dragon oc#the lighting makes no sense but shhhh its just vibes its just vibes ok#more specifically australia has blue and orange trees and i think its cool as HELL#anyway one day i will make those colours but today is not that day#uhhhhh yea hi person if you read all those tags :) kind of epic of you whats your favourite type of cheese#mines mersey valley#or blue#cheese is nice#ok goodnight
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Happy First Day of Summer from The King of Summer! Summer Kamen!!
#osomatsu san#mr osomatsu#karamatsu#summer kamen#my art#spice.ososan#AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH I WAS POSESSED TO MAKE THIS#sable#but also#max#i hope u guys in particular like this#but uhhhh yeah i was lying in bed last night thinking abt how today is the first day of summer and how doing a summer kamen piece wood b fun#and here we are#i had an exponetially fun time making this#i struggled with if i wanted to do blue lines or colored ones and i think the blue just looks right#and its very minimal shading if none at all….. wah#happy summerrrrr#good summer#hahahahhaa#hehehe
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
#it's so physically demanding broo ToT#idk i feel like im just weak af because some people there seem to do it so easily and i can barely#do half a day#and they want me to do a full day tomorrow bro#like#I'm so tired after half a day..#i genuinely feel like i might just collapse or something#i do want that bit of money tho but it's sooo exhausting#i went there for half a day today and it killed me bro i was just lying in bed#and i didn't want to fall asleep cause it was like noon already but#i didn't even have the energy to look at a phone lmao#well it's gonna be over this week probably cause#the raspberries are going to stop growing in a few days apparently they're saying in 2 days#we're going to be done#I'd love to make more money but I don't think i can fucking do ittt#its so physically demanding whyyyyy#and why are there grandmas working with me in that field and they seem just fine BROOOO TOT#but yeah now that im thinking about it this also might be part of my problems cause#im soo much.ore irritable rn just cause im literally exhausted all the time ughhh#i came back home 3 days ago and i haven't even had the time to sit down at a desk and draw something#not even mentioning energy aughhh
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nothing beats friday night + sipping on wine alone doing your own stuff knowing there’s no work the morning after
#— ai rambles#i was so exhausted all week + sleep deprived bc daylight saving makes me miserable and i can’t sleep#but for the first time i got a good nights sleep last night and i feel better today#energized in a way despite the fact it’s friday and i should be at my limit lol#but i slept early last night somehow it happened ig my body was rly in need of decent sleep#and i woke up before my alarm today and was bubbly and fresh all day#and even now too#and i am so happy about it bc instead of floating in bed like a corpse i now have time to get some reading + writing done#while i sip on my beloved wine#AND ITS THE WEEKEND TOO#i know i can stay up late and sleep in to my hearts content and then repeat#little things that make me happy i rly am getting old maybe lmfaoo
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Sometimes I feel like a centuries old robot in a scifi movie
The one that has to turn itself on every morning over the course of an hour, slowly waiting for access to each limb, waiting for the energy to just move
When it finally forces itself up it has to go through the routine of preparing for the day. Making sure it looks a little better, hiding all its rust spots best it can
By then it's battery is already back down to 75%
On a good day
On a bad day that might just take it out again, and it needs to restart the whole process
When it goes out, it tries to hide it. Pretends to be the latest model, maybe it's an alternate model from some niche production line, that's why it walks a little funny, talks a little different, processes things weird sometimes.
Maybe the robot itself can't feel pain, but everything it knows about it, everything it's learned, the robot knows that the pain it would feel would incapacitate a human. Maybe even other robots
It's good at hiding. It does it's best
But there are days when it's so clear. It's so obvious. That robot is different
Not everyone assumes it's old, the robot looks fairly young so it couldn't be old. Maybe it's broken. Or just lazy. Or faulty. Regardless
There is something wrong with it
It gets pitied looks, it gets yelled at, it gets dismissed.
And then at the end of the day if it's lucky, it has just enough battery left over to do something it enjoys for a few minutes
Then finally, with whatever small amount it has left, it plugs itself back in to recharge for the night. Each night it desperately hopes the next day will be easier, that maybe its waking up process will be easier, maybe its battery will last longer. Maybe it'll get some extra energy while it's out and be able to do more
It's all just fantasies of course. The longer it exists the harder things get for it. The longer it tries the more it wants to give up
The world doesn't have a use for an old broken robot body
But it's the only one he's got, so he has to make it work.
#the unholy system#chronic pain#chronic illness#austim#mental illness#robotkin#maybe#idfk at this point#im so tired all the time#i called into work today because i spent all of my day off in bed#and i couldnt get up this morning either#ive been awak since 8am#its 2pm now and im only just managing to sit up#and now im trying to get the energy to stand so i can go to the bathroom
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