#to not be able to have joy and beauty in life
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Hi, hope you’re well! Saw your request for angst ideas. If you’re interested: Reader has been part of the Inner Circle for years, like an og member. Post war she watches Az fall in love with Elaine or Gwyn. She’s known they’re mates, but he’s always told her he loves her as a friend, and nobody else knows they’re mates. She watches as his relationship grows, maybe they’re having a kid or whatever, this can be all the angst you see fit. She’s finally had enough and decides to leave (either for work as an emissary or for herself). Maybe as she starts to rebuild, Az and the IC realize how much her loss impacts them. But when they go see her, she’s thriving. Ending can be whatever floats your boat, maybe she’s with Eris or thriving in Day as Lucien’s advisor, or something else all together.
To Love and Let Go
Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Summary: An unrequited love, and a one sided mating bond. What will reader do when she can no longer watch Azriel fall for another female who isn’t her?
Wc: 2.9k (gah dayum)
A/N: ok, this is the longggest fic I've written to date, but I don't hate it...and I may be persuaded to write a part two with multiple endings bcs I'm indecisive asf. Requests are still open and highly encouraged since I'm on break and have a bunch of free time, clearly.
__
The stars are mocking tonight, their gleam far too bright for the storm brewing inside you. Velaris has always been beautiful, but tonight the city feels suffocating. The laughter of your family echoes around the River House’s dining room, filling the space with warmth and joy.
You sit at the edge of the long table, wine in hand, your smile carefully in place. Cassian is in the middle of one of his stories, something about Azriel and a drunken spar decades ago. The table erupts in laughter, and you can’t help but glance at him.
Azriel sits across from you, his shoulders relaxed, his shadows soft and relaxed as they curl lazily around him. He’s laughing—quiet and rare, but enough to tug at your chest in a way you’ve never been able to stop.
Beside him, Gwyn is radiant. She laughs, bright and genuine, her hand resting on his arm as though it’s the most natural thing in the world. His hand shifts, fingers brushing over hers in a way that’s intimate, tender. Simple. Devastating.
You lift your wine to your lips and down the rest of the glass in one burning gulp.
You’ve known for years that Azriel isn’t yours to have. When the Cauldron whispered of your bond, it hadn’t been the joyous revelation you’d dreamed of. Instead, it had been a curse.
You feel it even now—that golden thread tying your soul to his, pulling taut every time you see him. But Azriel never acknowledged it, not once. How could he when he didn't even know it existed?
“You’re my best friend,” he’d told you long ago, sitting beside you on a rooftop in Velaris, the two of you cloaked in silence and shadows. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
And you’d smiled. Smiled and tucked the truth deeper inside yourself, burying it so far down you almost convinced yourself it wasn’t real. Almost.
The conversation shifts around you, but the words blur together, distant and unimportant. You force yourself to stay, to laugh when you’re supposed to, to nod in all the right places.
Across the table, Gwyn leans closer to Azriel, whispering something in his ear. He smiles at her, that soft, secret smile you’ve seen so many times over the years. But it’s never been for you.
The ache in your chest spreads, sharp and relentless, until you can’t bear it any longer. You push your chair back, the legs scraping loudly against the floor.
“Everything okay?” Mor asks, her brows furrowing as she studies you.
You nod quickly, forcing a tight smile. “Just need some air.”
No one questions you, and you’re grateful for it. You slip out of the room and onto the balcony, the cool night air rushing to meet you. The stars stretch endlessly above, and for a moment, you close your eyes and pretend this life isn’t yours.
But the bond hums faintly in the back of your mind, tethering you to someone who will never feel the same way.
—
You grip the balcony railing, the cool metal grounding you as you draw in a shaky breath. The quiet should feel peaceful, but it doesn’t. Not with the sound of their laughter spilling through the open door behind you, not with the bond thrumming painfully in the back of your mind.
You’ve endured this for years. Watching Azriel laugh, fight, live, all while pretending your heart doesn’t shatter every time he smiles at someone who isn’t you. Gwyn. Elain before her, and Mor long before that. All the women who could never feel what you feel for him—but were lucky enough to have his attention anyway.
And then there’s you, his best friend. The one he trusts, confides in, leans on. Just never in the way you ache for. Even before the bond snapped, you’d been in love with the Shadowsinger. He was always the calm amongst the chaos of your family, the one you could seek refuge in.
The sound of footsteps interrupts your thoughts. You don’t need to look to know it’s him. His shadows reach you first, curling gently around your wrist, hesitant and curious. They always do that, as if they sense the things he doesn’t.
“Are you okay?” Azriel’s voice is soft, warm in a way that makes it harder to breathe.
You release the railing and turn to face him, your mask firmly in place. “I’m fine. Just needed a moment.”
His brows pull together, his hazel eyes studying you in that unrelenting way of his. “You’ve seemed… distracted tonight.”
You force a laugh, shaking your head. “I’m not distracted. Just tired, that’s all.” The lie was easy on your tongue, a lie you’ve repeated more times than you can count.
His shadows shift, curling tighter around you. “You can tell me if something’s wrong,” he says, his voice low, careful.
You want to laugh again. Wrong? Everything is wrong. Your mate is standing in front of you, looking at you with concern while his love sits inside, waiting for him. He doesn’t even feel the bond that’s been tearing you apart for years. How could you possibly tell him the truth?
“I’m fine, Az,” you say again, stepping back, putting distance between you. “Go back inside. Gwyn’s probably wondering where you are.”
Something flickers across his face, but it’s gone before you can place it. He hesitates, his shadows brushing against your hand one last time before retreating.
“All right,” he says quietly. But he doesn’t look convinced.
You watch him go, his wings casting long shadows across the balcony as he disappears into the house. The bond hums faintly, pulling at your heart even as you stand there alone.
—
A part of you wants to blame yourself for never telling him about the mating bond. It was known Azriel always longed for a mate, so much so he had made the bold claim of Elain being his mate once upon a time. Now, he's with Gwyn under that same notion. Unfortunately, your heart had wanted him to love you without the influence of the bond.
Your thoughts persist as you force your eyes shut, trying and failing to fall asleep.
Instead, you lie awake in your bed, staring at the ceiling as the weight of it all presses down on you. You’ve built your entire life around the Inner Circle, around him. And for what? To watch him build a life with someone else? To keep breaking your own heart over and over again?
No.
When dawn comes, the decision is already made.
—
“Are you sure about this?” Feyre asks, her hand resting lightly on your arm.
You stand in the foyer of the River House, your bags already packed and waiting by the door. The soft morning light filters through the windows, casting golden hues over everything. It should feel warm. Comforting. But all you feel is the ache of goodbye.
“I’m sure,” you say, and your voice doesn’t waver.
Rhysand stands a few paces away, arms crossed, his violet eyes sharp and assessing. You were like a sister to him, someone he’d protected and seen through every phase of life. “You don’t have to do this,” he says gently. “We can figure something out. If you need time off, time for yourself—”
“I need more than time, Rhys,” you interrupt, forcing a small smile to soften the blow. “I need space. A fresh start. This is the right move for me.”
You’d rehearsed this conversation a dozen times, carefully framing your departure as a professional opportunity. An emissary position in Day Court. Helion had been eager to accept your offer, praising your skills and promising a new challenge that you could sink your teeth into.
It wasn’t a lie. You would thrive in Day Court. But it wasn’t the whole truth either.
Feyre’s grip on your arm tightens, her lips pressing together as if she’s holding back an argument. “I just… I don’t want you to feel like you’re running away,” she says softly.
You glance past her, your eyes catching on the open archway leading to the dining room. You can feel him in there, his shadows faint even from this distance. The bond pulls, a sharp tug against your ribs.
“I’m not running away,” you tell her, even though part of you wonders if that’s exactly what this is. “I’m choosing myself for once.”
Rhys nods slowly, his expression unreadable. “If that’s what you need, then we support you. Always.”
A lump rises in your throat, but you swallow it down, turning to hug Feyre. “Thank you. For everything.”
—
Azriel watches from the shadows of the dining room as you leave. He doesn’t mean to linger there, doesn’t mean to eavesdrop—but he can’t help it.
He hears Feyre’s quiet goodbye, Rhys’s reassurances. He sees the way your shoulders straighten as you step out the door, as if you’re carrying a weight none of them can understand.
Something twists in his chest, sharp and unfamiliar.
He doesn’t understand it. You’ve left Velaris before, gone on missions and trips for weeks at a time. But this feels… different. Permanent.
For a moment, he almost steps forward, almost calls out to you. But then the door closes, and you’re gone.
—
The Day Court is a world apart from Velaris.
Here, the sun always seems to shine, casting a golden glow over Helion’s sprawling palace. It’s vibrant, full of life, and for the first time in years, you feel as though you can finally breathe.
Helion welcomes you with open arms, praising your work and throwing you headfirst into new projects. The days are busy, your nights peaceful, and slowly—very slowly—the ache in your chest begins to fade.
You make new allies and friends. Lucien, especially, becomes an unexpected source of comfort. He understands unspoken bonds, the pain of being tied to someone who doesn’t want you. For the first few weeks, most, if not all your time was spent by his side.
“You’re free now,” he tells you one evening, the two of you sitting on a balcony overlooking the Day Court gardens. His amber eyes glint in the fading sunlight. “It doesn’t feel like it yet, but it will. One day.”
You smile, a real smile, and let the words settle in your chest.
—
Back in Velaris, the Inner Circle feels the void you’ve left behind. Cassian complains loudly during training sessions about how things don’t run as smoothly without you. Mor keeps suggesting trips to Day Court, half-joking but half-serious. Even Feyre finds herself reaching for you during meetings, only to realize you’re no longer there.
And Azriel…
Azriel notices most of all.
He misses the quiet way you steadied him, the way you always seemed to know what he needed before he did. The balance you brought to the group. To him.
At first, he tells himself it’s just an adjustment. You’ll be back eventually. But as the weeks stretch into months, he begins to realize just how deeply your absence has cut into his life.
The shadow of the bond hums faintly in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t understand why.
Not yet.
—
It’s Feyre who suggests the trip.
“You’ve been working too hard,” she tells Azriel, shooting him with a look that leaves no room for argument. “We all have. A visit to Day Court will do us some good. Besides, it’s been too long since we’ve seen her.”
Azriel hesitates but eventually agrees. He tells himself it’s curiosity, that he just wants to see how you’re settling in. Since you’ve left his relationship with everyone, Gywn especially, has grown distant. He tries to find you in her, comparing the small things that shouldn’t matter—and every time it only makes his heart sink.
When they arrive, they find you in the Day Court gardens, laughing at something Lucien has said. The sunlight catches in your hair, your face glowing with a happiness Azriel hasn’t seen in years.
The gardens are breathtaking, a vibrant sprawl of golden blooms and gleaming fountains that seem to echo the brilliance of the sun overhead. But Azriel doesn’t see any of it.
His focus is entirely on you.
You look radiant, the golden hues of Day Court seeming to highlight the confidence you’ve gained in your time away.
Lucien leans closer, his expression soft yet intent, and the sight makes something dark and ugly twist in Azriel’s chest. It’s not the first time he’s seen Lucien or been jealous of the male, but this—this—feels different. He used to feel that pang of jealousy when he blindly pined for Elain, now with you it returned with a greater force.
He doesn’t understand why these feelings have suddenly spread through him. You’ve always been his friend. His anchor. But as Lucien reaches out to brush a stray hair from your face, Azriel feels like he’s watching something slip through his fingers.
“Az?” Feyre’s voice pulls him back. She’s watching him with careful eyes, her brow furrowing.
He shakes his head and straightens his posture, forcing his expression back into neutral territory. “I’m fine.” But he isn’t.
Before Feyre can press him further, Lucien notices their approach and gives a low whistle. “Well, well. Velaris sends its finest.” His tone is teasing, but there’s warmth in his amber eyes as they flick toward you.
You turn, and when your gaze lands on Azriel, your smile falters. It’s a subtle shift, but he sees it. Feels it.
“Rhysand. Feyre. Azriel,” you greet, inclining your head slightly, your voice polite but distant. As if they were strangers and not the family you chose all those centuries ago.
He hates it.
The reunion is cordial at first, filled with pleasantries and talk of work. Lucien stands close to you, his presence steady, his hand occasionally brushing yours in a way that grounds you. Azriel’s shadows stir restlessly, but he forces them into submission.
“You’ve done well here,” Feyre says warmly, her gaze sweeping over the garden. “It suits you.”
“Thank you.” Your smile is genuine, though it doesn’t quite reach Azriel. “Helion has been… generous with his trust.”
“And with his emissary’s time,” Lucien adds, grinning at you. “She’s a natural. Can’t imagine how Day Court managed before she arrived.”
The praise makes you duck your head slightly, a faint blush blooming across your cheeks. Azriel’s jaw tightens.
“Sounds like you’ve been keeping busy,” he says, his voice lower than usual.
Your eyes flick to him briefly before turning back to Lucien, but there’s something guarded in your expression. “I have. It’s been… fulfilling.”
The word stings more than it should.
—
Eventually, Feyre and Rhys drift away with Lucien, leaving you and Azriel alone amidst the golden flowers. The silence stretches between you, heavy with unspoken words.
“You’ve been… different,” he says finally, breaking the silence.
You glance at him, your arms folding across your chest. “Different how?”
He hesitates, searching for the right words. “Happier,” he admits.
The softness in his voice almost makes you falter, but you stand your ground. “I am,” you say simply.
His shadows curl around his feet, agitated. “You left so suddenly,” he says, his tone sharper now. “One day you were there, and the next you were… gone. No warning. No explanation.”
You raise an eyebrow, bitterness creeping into your voice. “I told you I needed space. I told all of you.” You pause for a second, staring at a cluster of white lilies. “Why does it matter now, Azriel?”
���Because I miss you,” he says, the words raw and unguarded. “We all do. But me… I—” He stops himself, jaw clenching.
You laugh softly, but it’s a hollow, bitter sound. “You miss me now? After I’ve finally started to find peace? After you’ve built a life with Gwyn?”
His shadows surge forward, brushing against your arm, but you shake them off. “Don’t do this, Azriel.”
“You’re my friend,” he says, and the words make your heart twist painfully.
You whirl to face him, your eyes blazing. “No. I was never just your friend, Azriel. I was your mate.”
The truth spills out before you can stop it, sharp and cutting. He freezes, his expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.
“What?” His voice is barely a whisper.
You laugh again, a broken sound. “The Cauldron tied us together centuries ago, but you never felt it, did you? You never even noticed.”
His shadows pull back, retreating like they’ve been burned. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it didn’t matter!” you snap, your voice rising. “You didn’t want me that way, Azriel. You never did. And I wasn’t about to force something on you that you didn’t feel.”
He stares at you, his usually stoic face cracking with something raw and uncertain. “I—”
But you shake your head, cutting him off. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve moved on.”
“You’ve moved on?” he echoes, his gaze flicking toward the direction Lucien went. His voice lowers, dangerous. “With him?”
“Yes,” you say firmly, though the word feels heavy. “Because he sees me, Azriel. He knows what it’s like to be unwanted. To feel second-best.”
The words are a dagger between you, and you can see the way they strike him, the way his shadows twist and writhe.
“Is that what you think?” he asks quietly, his voice breaking. “That you were second-best?”
Your throat tightens, but you refuse to back down. “I don’t think it. I know it.”
For a moment, neither of you speak. The bond hums faintly in your chest, but it’s different now—fading, unraveling as you finally let go of the male who could never love you the way you deserved.
“I’m happy here,” you say softly, your voice steady. “And you… you have Gwyn. You have your life in Velaris. Let that be enough.”
Azriel doesn’t argue. He just stands there, his shadows a chaotic storm around him, as you turn and walk away.
This time, you don’t look back.
Aaannd scene XOXO ~
#oneshots#scenarios#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x reader#azriel angst#azriel fanfic#lucien vanserra#lucien x reader#azriel x you#request#reqs open#angstmas#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster
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♡ breathe your name ♡
♡ Pairing: best man!hyunjin x bride!chubby!fem!reader
♡ Genre: angst/fluff
♡ Summary: It's the day of your lavish wedding. Everything's set in place. From the dress you wear to the aisle you're walking down, everything's picture perfect. At least you're able to pretend it is until the appearance of a particular wedding guest in your dressing room brings up feelings that you can't ignore. Will you be able to bury your past to get through this day or will you find yourself drawn back into the arms of thet man you swore you'd never speak to again?
♡ Word Count: 3.7k
♡ Warnings: mentions of an affair that you definitely had with Hyunjin. a lil make out session. mentions of sex. but other than that? none (shortest warnings list I've probably ever written. oh my gosh).
♡ A/N: This is what happens when you leave me alone with an Adele playlist. Anyway, I hope you have fun at your wedding. It's gonna be...interesting, babes xoxo
There’s something some girls spend their entire lives dreaming of. Wishing, even praying, for.
The perfect wedding.
And you have it.
The picturesque church nestled in the heart of a gorgeous historical district. It costs more than some people’s mortgage to rent this place for a few hours. The simple act of laying eyes on it starts knocking numbers off of your bank account. The celebrity planner who's been on the cover of wedding magazines and worked tirelessly to make sure today’s an occasion people will talk about for years to come. The gorgeously crafted white dress, custom sewn and beaded for your special day. It accentuates every delicate contour of your figure perfectly. Like everything else here. So perfect.
“Smile a little, babe. This is the happiest day of your life!” your makeup artist giggles, applying the finishing touches to your lipstick.
Seated in front of a mirror in the church’s dressing room, you nervously toy with your diamond bracelet and force a faint smile. All you can manage under the circumstances.
“It might be raining out there” she hums, her gaze drifting over to the gloomy sky looming beyond the stained glass windows, “But you, my dear, are pure sunshine.”
She circles behind you, gentle hands resting on your bare shoulders. “So, what do you think?” she asks, fussing with a few flyaway hairs that managed to sneak their way out of your updo.
You take a deep breath and summon all of your courage to face what you’ve been running from all day. Your own reflection. “It’s beautiful” you lie, your smile beginning to waver as your stomach audibly turns.
She shouldn’t be here. No one should. Not your family. Not your friends. Certainly not you. This is not the best day of your life. This is a mistake. You’ve known that for a while now and have been biding your time ever since waiting for the right moment to fix it. But the moment never came and time, as it does, ran out. Your fiance’s proposal had been accepted out of spite. It didn’t matter at the time that you were giving yourself away to a cruel, narcissistic man whose greatest joy in life is that he can use his daddy’s money to buy who and what he wants.
What mattered was that the man you truly loved, the one your heart pines for even now, had broken your heart and you needed to break his. A mission that the announcement of your engagement flawlessly accomplished but was it worth it? Was any of this worth it? Your heart sinks to your stomach as if weighed down by cement bricks, heavy with the knowledge that it wasn’t.
Your makeup artist sees it on your face. The sorrow. The regret. A sudden tapping at the door diverts any attempt she might’ve made to question you. She turns to answer the door but there’s no need. A figure in black is already entering the room, filling the air with a cologne you once spent endless passionate nights inhaling. Without thinking you breathe it deep into your lungs, savoring it even as you despise the appearance of the man it emanates from.
“You must be lost. The groom’s room is down the hall on the left” your makeup artist frowns, waving the man in the designer suit away.
The corners of his lips quirk into something that’s not quite a smile but pleasant enough to be mistaken for one. “No, I’m not lost. I just need a second with her. I won’t be long” he insists, advancing towards you with a confidence you find both irritating and irresistible.
That was Hyunjin for you. So charming. So graceful. So handsome. So much of everything that you can hardly stomach him. You crave his touch on every inch of your body and want him to get lost all at the same time.
You clear your throat, patting your makeup artist on the back of the hand, “It’s fine. If anyone asks, just let them know I need a moment please.”
Hesitantly she nods and makes her way out of the room, all the while keeping a skeptical eye on Hyunjin who takes her place behind you. He fusses with the same hairs, successfully finding an excuse to touch any part of you.
Hyunjin sighs, head tilted to the side. He pokes his bottom lip out, releasing a huff of air that blows his long dark hair free of his line of vision. Now he can see you perfectly, unobstructed, and his eyes light up at you the way they always have. “You look like an angel” he smiles and it’s genuine this time, no matter how badly you wish it weren’t. His fingertips brush your ears and your body’s flush with heat in an instant. You always despised it, how little it takes for Hyunjin to get a reaction out of you.
“What do you want?” you snap, your tone unforgiving. The way you look at him, it’s as if you hate him. Why? Hyunjin knows why. He can’t deny that he deserves it for what he’s done—for what he’s come here to do. His hands drift along the outline of your face. They skim your cheek too lightly to disturb your makeup but you feel his touch still.
“Leave” you demand, drawing in a sharp breath at the sensation, “I don’t want you here.” The power behind your request is not existent. Rather than come out threatening, laced with conviction, your words are nothing more than a whisper. If you had to rely on them to push him out of the door he wouldn’t move an inch.
Hyunjin leans into your ears, his eyes not once leaving the mirror where they remain locked with yours in a gaze brimming with enough heat to burn down everything around you. “I’ll leave but only if that’s what you truly want” he whispers, gently placing a warm hand to the soft skin of your chest.
Your heart picks up a speed only he can make it race at. The feeling’s a comfort to him. It’s the knowledge that even after all that happened you still feel what he does. There’s a fondness there that can’t be buried, it’ll always find its way back to the surface, but there’s something else too. Something he’s been able to hide from until this moment. You’re broken. Over the past few months you’ve done everything to pretend that you weren’t but you are and the pain has your eyes swelling with tears even as you fight to hold them at bay.
“Fuck you, Hyunjin!” you shout, bolting up from your chair just in time for a few tears to escape, “Since when have you ever cared what I truly want? It’s always been about you. All this will ever be about is you.”
Your anger’s boiling, hot tears staining your cheeks as you pace the floor. Usually on her wedding day a bride sheds tears of joy for her husband at the altar yet here you are full on weeping in front of his best man. Speechless, Hyunjin reaches out to grab your arm but you pull away from him, backing yourself into the furthest corner of the room.
“I don’t know why you’re here. I gave you everything and it wasn’t enough. What else do you want?”
Hyunjin watches you for a moment, letting your words flow through his veins like a poison of his own making. “I never said it wasn’t enough…”
“Oh, you never said it?” you scoff, “You’re right, you just said, ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and then acted like nothing ever happened.”
“I was trying to do the right thing.”
“If that was ‘the right thing’ then what do you call this?”
You await an answer, hoping that for once he might have something worthwhile to say, but you’re met with silence. The same silence he’s offered you every day since he broke your heart. “
Typical” you mumble to yourself, returning to the vanity in a desperate search for tissues. Maybe if you grab them soon enough you can preserve some of what your makeup artist worked tirelessly to achieve. Drying your eyes you catch a glimpse of Hyunjin and for a fleeting moment he seems deflated, like he has something resembling feelings, but you made the mistake of believing that before and you can’t let yourself be fooled by it again.
Hyunjin’s chest tightens, every breath beginning to feel like hard labor. There’s something he’s been holding inside too and it’s aching to come out, it won’t let him breathe until it does. “You’re right, all this was ever about was me, but I never thought you weren’t enough. I loved you, I love you, I was just afraid you still loved him.”
Tossing your tissues aside, you turn to face him, arms folded across your chest. “You were afraid I still loved him when I was in your bed everyday?”
“And you crawled back into his every night” he says, a hint of bitterness slipping out, “I knew you’d leave him for me but for how long? I thought that if I ended things…if I told you to be with him instead you’d be happier.”
You take a deep breath, doing a regal twirl for him in your wedding dress, “Do I look happier without you?”
Hyunjin feels a tear wet his cheek and it stuns him, he hadn’t felt it coming yet there it is. “Do I look happier without you?” he shoots back, closing the distance between the two of you. “I know I’m the one who told you to stay but I can’t…I can’t stand there and let you marry him. He doesn’t treat you like you deserve to be treated. He can’t love you the way that I love you.”
Pinned against the table, his body too solidly planted to move, there’s nowhere for you to run to escape the truth. He slips his arms around your waist, bringing you into his chest with little concern to the mascara threatening to stain his dress shirt. You let your head rest there and for a moment you can pretend that you’re somewhere else. Back at his apartment maybe, like all those times before, cuddled up against him on the couch talking about nothing as the hours melted away. You always felt so at peace there, so protected.
“They’re almost ready for you, darling!” a voice rings out as the door swings back open. The two of you scatter in opposite directions, unable to face one of your bridesmaids as she hurries into the room. She stops dead in her tracks, unsure what she’s walked into but positive it’s nothing good.
“Everything good in here?” she asks, digging for the truth where you wish she wouldn’t.
“Everything’s fine” you swear, painting on that forced smile again, “He was just leaving. Isn’t that right, Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin looks to you, unsure what to do. He can’t stay and fight for you, not in front of your bridesmaid, but what happens if he leaves? He has no choice but to see. “Yeah, I was just leaving, uh, good luck with everything.”
Your head drops as he dips back out into the hallway, leaving you to pick up the pieces all on your own but you can’t be mad at him, not for that. This is as much of your mess to clean up as it is his, if not moreso. You wish you could go back in time and do things differently but you can’t change the past and you can’t change what’s coming. Outside of that door hundreds of people are waiting for you. Your fiance’s waiting for you. The time for wishing has passed. It’s too late.
A city bus whips through the rain slicked streets, settling as it pulls up to the only bus stop for 15 minutes in either direction. Outside a small crowd of people forms a line, hidden under the cover of jackets or umbrellas. The weather mentioned a chance of light rain but it’s pouring hard enough to make an umbrella almost useless. The second the bus doors swing open they’re piling inside, rushing to pay their fare and escape the downpour. As they settle in their seats the bus driver readies himself to close the door and truck along to the next stop.
“Wait!” you shout, bolting through the rain to catch him before he peels off.
Luckily he stops, the sight of you likely being the highlight of his day. You’re standing in front of the bus stop in a wedding dress soaking wet with your heels in one hand and a small clutch in the other. You probably should’ve attempted to grab an umbrella, a jacket, something before you got here but when you’re darting out of a church on your wedding day you don’t particularly have time to raid the lost and found for survival supplies.
Completely out of breath, you climb onto the bus, attempting to wedge your toes back into your slippery shoes. “I’m sorry for holding you up sir but where does this bus go?”
“What are you doing?” Hyunjin’s calls from somewhere in the distance.
You peek off of the bus, spotting him not too far away. Your blood runs cold. If he knows where you are, who else does? There’s no time to find out.
“Nevermind” you say to the bus driver, fishing your fare out of your purse.
You pay for your ride and scurry to the back of the bus, flopping down into your seat. You’re in a panic, attempting to bring yourself down from the rush of anxiety that came from bolting the second your bridesmaid turned her head. It’s a difficult feat when all eyes are on you. You do your best to appear normal, play it off like any other day, but this isn’t any other day. Everyone can see that.
Their curiosity piques even more when Hyunjin hops on the bus, frantically paying before scanning the seats to find you. A sweet old lady points to the back and Hyunjin rushes towards you, heaving for air as he takes the seat beside you. The bus doors finally close, plodding down the street as the two of you sit at the back like two soggy Barbie dolls.
Staring out of the window, you watch the world pass you by, finding an odd comfort in the growing space between you and that church. There’s something therapeutic about leaving that place and everyone in it behind. Well, almost everyone. You can’t bring yourself to look at Hyunjin but he’s looking at you. Only at you. He watches you without expectations. There’s no pressure to speak, not even to acknowledge him, he only cares that you’re here and that he’s with you. Placing a hand on your knee, he shifts his attention to his own window, zoning out as the cars whoosh past, splashing rain onto the windows. You sit like this for the rest of the ride, trapped in your own worlds and tethered to each other’s all at the same time.
Everyone else must be searching for you right now. It’s likely that at first no one thought much of it. Someone would’ve suggested that you hadn’t heard the cue or might have run to the bathroom at the last minute. They would’ve sent your bridesmaids to search for you and the groomsmen next. Before long everyone would be in a panic trying to find you. You wonder how long it must’ve taken for them to notice that Hyunjin was missing too. It’s possible that they haven’t even asked that question yet, in too much of a frenzy to find you to think of it but when they do…
The bus comes to a sudden stop, bringing you back to earth where Hyunjin stands over you tugging at your hand. “Come on, this is our stop.”
You ask no questions, allowing him to guide you off of the bus and out onto a street corner you slowly begin to recognize. The rain has let up to a light sprinkle, the fresh post rain air a welcome change to the stuffiness of the bus. Looking around you spot a familiar restaurant. It’s the same one you used to grab breakfast from before heading to Hyunjin’s in the morning. Across the street is the park he’d take you to for picnics where you’d sit listening to music while he sketched the landscape in his notebook. His place is only a couple of minutes from here, you could find it with your eyes closed, but you let him lead the way, flashing an awkward smile at strangers whose gazes linger on you along the way.
Hyunjin keeps his hand glued to yours the entire time, not letting it go even as you climb the stairs leading to his apartment. Circumstances aside, it feels nice to have your hand in his again. The sex between you was amazing, each time more memorable than the last, but that wasn’t what he missed the most when you were apart. It was warming your hand with his on a cold day or feeling your noses brush when you kissed. The tiny things people take for granted until they lose them.
“Wait here” he says once you’re inside, disappearing down the hall and abandoning you to the silence of the living room.
The place is exactly as you remembered it. The black tufted couch with the fluffy purple star plushie on it. That guitar propped up in the corner that he swore he’d play for you one day but never got the chance to. Bookcases lined with everything from his precious manga to paint stained art history books. Art supplies scattered across the coffee table, a vase of fresh sunflowers positioned at the center.
You’re taken in by all of the new paintings. They’re darker than what he used to make and you try not to linger too much on the reason why. Hyunjin emerges from one of the rooms with a bundle of towels tucked under his arm. He wastes no time making his way back to you, tossing one over your head before you can react.
“Hyunjin” you giggle as he dries you off like a puppy he’s just given a bath. Your hair goes everywhere, the tiny flower clips throughout it clanking as they fall free and hit the oak wood floors.
He can’t contain his own laughter at how cute you are with your nose scrunched up like that, your laughter filling these walls for the first time in what seems to be an eternity. “What? I’m helping.”
“You call this helping?” you pout, snatching a towel and giving him the same treatment he gave you.
“Ouch, you’re gonna snap my neck!” he whines, twisting free of you. He runs to the other side of the room and you chase after him, draping the towel over his head and wildly tossing his hair around with it.
“What? I’m helping” you mock.
Hyunjin grabs you by the wrists, holding you in place, but your fingers still wiggle against his scalp and it tickles. “Stop it” he whispers, bringing you in close enough to watch the pink tint of his cheeks deepen. He says it like a dare masquerading as a threat and you’ve never been a girl opposed to taking Hyunjin’s bait.
“Or what?”
He turns your wrists loose, hands dropping down to cradle your face in his palms. The surprise of the contact makes your body tense but that only lasts for so long. In the blink of an eye you’re melting into his touch, a low hum of electricity buzzing through you from head to toe. Hyunjin takes a deep breath, staring into your eyes like he’s falling head first into your starry orbs. “I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”
It’s not a question as much as it is a notice. His lips crash into yours, stealing the air from your lungs to fuel his. This isn’t this kiss you remember. It’s sweeter—deeper. Dripping with enough longing that you can taste it. Your hands traverse each other’s bodies like weary travelers in desperate search of home. A home that’s your fingertips pressed against his chest, tearing at the soaked material of his shirt. A home that’s his hands hungrily devouring your figure through your dress. You’re two planets colliding, every piece of one scattered throughout the other. Neither of you have ever wanted anything this badly. Nothing in this whole wide world.
“Hyunjin, wait” you somehow manage with his tongue still swirling around yours. You pry your lips free, tempted by how dangerously close to his they remain. “Are we really doing this? Are we…”
“We’re doing this but only if you want it. Do you?” he says softly, tracing the zipper of your dress.
Your body arches into him, a trail of fire left in the wake of his fingertips. “I do but first there’s something I need to do.”
“Something like what?” he asks and you catch seeds of panic blooming on that handsome face.
You pet his chest to soothe his worries, “Something I should’ve done a long time ago. I saw your car when we came in. Can I borrow it? Pretty please?”
Hyunjin studies your expression, doing his best to decipher exactly what’s going through your pretty little head. But he can’t say no to you, that’s never been a strength of his. Digging through his pockets, he finds his keys and holds them out to you, only to snatch them back at the last second. “Come back to me…for good this time.” With that he hands the keys over, stealing one more kiss before you head for the door.
Stopping in the doorway, you turn back to steal another glance at him. “For the record there was never any competition. It was always you.”
Hyunjin quirks his head at you, grinning as he nibbles at his bottom lip. “And it was always you. Always will be.”
#stray kids x reader#stray kids x you#stray kids angst#stray kids x female reader#stray kids fluff#hyunjin x you#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin angst#hyunjin x female reader#hyunjin fluff#plus size reader#chubby reader
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One of the very few things I don’t like about SxS Gens is how Maria now canonically had a period in her life where she grew up in earth before getting sick.
There was something so… noble and pure about the idea of her never knowing how life was in her home planet yet she still loved it so, so deeply.
Something tragic about her dying and never getting to see it, while Shadow, who was afraid of not fitting in, got to live out her dream.
I know it’s not a big deal, specially in a game that did more good than anything, but it’s a small thing I’ll miss from not knowing.
I feel this. It definitely changes their dynamic in a new way that I don't think anyone in the fandom was ready for.
At the same time, I'm still able to find a lovely bit of tragedy that resonates with at least me personally. . . and that's the ache you get in your chest when you wish you could share an experience with someone.
"I remember Spagonia", Maria says. "It's a wonderful place. Beautiful buildings, great food, a gorgeous coastline. . . oh Shadow, I wish I could take you there."
And Shadow can only stare out the ARK window at this blue-green marble below. He has no frame of reference of which to understand these lovely memories she's referring to.
He's only able to understand when it's far too late. I think he'd have an obsession with finding places Maria had been to on Earth, having this craving to understand the joy she was attempting to share with him up on the ARK.
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Headcanon about mage Viktor and his 'origins'
I didn't really understand how viktor could be the mage from Jayces past and I didn't really get any real or satisfying answers to that from anywhere, so I thought I would spin my own little theory (or at this point you could say fanfiction) as to how this all happened, how viktor became the mage in Jayces story, what he meant by "only you could ever show me this" etcetc. I assume/determine/establish many things for my thoughtprocess to be true, I do that for my story to work and for my mind to be at peace and that it can grip an answer and not go insane about pixels because apparently i cannot act normal around media i like.
First of all, I'm gonna assume that some things are just true/meant to happen/fated in ALL timelines. For example that viktor is going to ALWAYS come into touch with the arcane and even if his path can be different each timeline his end goal is always the same - glorious evolution. I also assume that if you time travel/jump timelines and act as a seperate individual in this timeline (not like f.e. ekko replacing himself in his timeline) you are not allowed/cannot intervene too much with it because then the time/space continuum collapses or the arcane throws a fit idk.
So let's imagine a timeline, I'm gonna call it "the first timeline" (even though it doesn't really make sense in thinking of first/next/last timeline because all of the timelines are parallels, but bear with me), a timeline where viktor comes into touch with the arcane a different way, because here he doesn't even know Jayce exists (the mage which gave him the rune doesn't exist yet/in this "first" timeline). He merges with the arcane, thinks he's doing everyone a favour by initiating the glorious evolution, finishes it, creates a perfect world and everyone is happy. Except it isn't a perfect world and nobody is happy, in fact everybody is practically dead, without joy, love and choice, and Piltover/maybe even the whole world crumbles into arcane waste because of Viktors actions. He doesn't understand what went wrong, he didn't want this, he wanted everyone to have equal opportunities and end all suffering and be without sickness, be perfect. There had to be some kind of mistake here. So, with the help of the arcane, he travels to another timeline, and tries to change a few things in his story. With hindsight, this time he could steer his young self in the right direction and this time, surely it will work.
But it doesn't. So he tries again. And again. And again and again and again.
But everytime, in every timeline, with every change he made, with every different decision he made, with every different way he found the arcane, it always ended the same - the glorious evolution was a mistake. More than that, an error in his thinking of his younger self, which is the catalyst of the apocalypse.
Having seen that outcome time and time again, this "first" mage Viktor realizes that this cost for perfection is flawed, and that imperfections do have beauty in itself. So, he goes into another timeline, this time adamant to stop himself. But he fails. He just isn't able to stop his younger self, he is not able to prevent that he is coming into contact with the arcane, he is not able to change his worldview, he is not able to change anything about his goal or conviction. So, maybe someone else could? Trying and trying to introduce character after character into his life, trying to let others influence him, to no avail. How could he, anyway? How could anyone change this worldview of him? He, "first" mage Viktor needed countless of timelines and experiences to learn, that he doesn't have to be ashamed of his flaws, that he doesn't have to erase them and that imperfections are what makes them all alive. How could anyone show him, in his limited lifespan, everything he learned in a multiple factor of this time?
And this is where Jayce comes in.
Maybe, in one of the infinite timelines, the "first" mage Viktor was just as lost as Jayce on that fateful day. Maybe he was about to give up his endeavor of stopping himself becoming the villain in each and every timeline. Maybe, he began to accept that, just as he is fated to meet the arcane, he is also fated to doom the world. Then, he sees a little boy, crying over his dying mother in a snow storm. Maybe he thinks, even if i will destroy the world later, maybe I could do a good deed now, and saves the little boys mother. He gifts the little boy a rune, and goes on with his day.
And BOOM, Jayce just got introduced to the game. This little act changed the course of history entirely, suddenly there was a brilliant mind in the middle of Piltover, suddenly Jayce and Viktor meet, and suddenly, Hextech is invented. Viktor gets a partner he can trust, that he loves and admires and he gets this love and admiration and trust back. They understand each other in ways nobody else could, they share moments of intimacy and ways of love no romantic love could ever reach(thats also a reason i don't really ship Viktor and Jayce, deep love doesn't always have to be romantic in nature and there are so many other types of love that are no lesser and can be more intense(even though my gay heart yearned for them to kiss at that last scene ngl)(well this and maybe im also trying to convince myself that it doesn't always has to be romantic love that saves the world and is the most impactful and beautiful and fated etcetc(can you tell I'm aro)))
And suddenly, new hope flashes in mage Viktors eyes. It's him. He is the one. The only one. The one he was meant to meet, meant to choose so Jayce could choose Viktor again. And even though this timeline also ended in the wasteland mage Viktor saw so often already, now he knows, oh he feels that he will be the one to change it all.
So this little clip where we see mage Viktor giving little Jayce all these different runes? This is actually the end of mage Viktors journey, the last couple steps to finally find true peace, not in the form all of the Viktors always thought they will(glorious evolution), but in the form of accepting himself. And nobody else, not himself or Singed or Silco or Sky or Mel or Heimerdinger, only Jayce, only him, only you, could show me this.
(Finally, one of the runes caused Jayce to travel to another timeline where the apocalypse already has happened, and Ekko in one where he invents his timetravel device. Finally, mage Viktor can talk to Jayce and Jayce promises Viktor to stop him, forgiving him and loving him regardless. And Ekko, being the last push Jayce and Viktor needed to, being the catalyst of this even being able to happen)
I'm only writing/thinking about/posting this to satisfy my urge to understand exactly what was going on and why characters acted that way or why situations happened, to try to fill plotholes that nag my brain in a series that i absolutely love and gives me so many emotions(mostly pain, oh the misery). Idk and idc if any of that makes actual sense or fits in the lore of LoL or even the show itself, if it retconns some things or if the show itself retconns some of this theory/story, it makes sense in my head and I kinda like it, and thats what brings me peace idk how my brain works ok. (Plus it would be so cool to see some of the alternate timelines where for example viktor works with Silco and Jinx instead or smth)
#arcane#viktor arcane#jayce talis#arcane jayce#jayvik#jayce x viktor#fanfiction#headcanon#viktor#god i love those to an ungodly amount#its unhealthy really#arcane season 2#this whole season broke me over and over again and didnt stop#let me BREATHE
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i didnt watch unknown as it was airing bc i knew it would consume me so i decided to binge it all today. i was correct. it has consumed me.
#i am so unwell#and the thing is there is no specific moment or ep i can point to or rewatch to get out out of my system#there is something about the all consuming atmosphere of the show that’s so dense and heavy it’s impossible to escape it I don’t know how#and i find it incredible how they managed to established that atmosphere and built it so well and reached these peaks of emotion that you’d#think would break all that tension but it just returns 10-fold#like this is how you do storytelling this is how you plot a 12 episode drama#bc you get the peak in ep 6 that is the crux of the story getting revealed but you’re only halfway#there’s still so much story to go and they show all of it#they show that this is a thing that takes time and thought and it perfectly demonstrates how stuck in his ways wei qian is#and i find it incredible how both the actors were able to convey the passing of time and their growing up through their performance you can#really feel how wei yuan matures and how what’s perceived as this childish crush or obsession never leaves bc it was never that it was#always more serious and concrete but in his maturity he can show that#and there’s something so crushing about watching wei qian i swear i choked up so many times watching this show bc they both got to me so bad#but wei qian’s story and his outlook on life is so universal and so true to that older brother role that so many people have#i am rambling so bad i just wanna like… exist in the vibe of this show forever#bc the heaviness of it makes you feel the weight lift in the moments of joy it’s beautiful#unknown
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I’ve been mentally lying on the ground in a forest glade being SO fucking Normal about Gandalf calling Frodo Bronwe athan harthad, Endurance Beyond Hope
#IT’S WHAT HE WAS! IT’S WHAT HE DID! it was what made him able to carry the Ring to the Samath Naur!#no hope for the success of it no hope in the face of the Enemy’s power and might but he went on regardless in despair but still trying#and he paid a dear price—all of himself#body and soul hollowed out and left in shreds and tatters#AND THEN HE CONTINUES ON ANYWAY#giving even more of himself to rebuild the Shire#enduring on and on despite not having had any real hope for his own recovery or victory or joy or healing for a long time#god Frodo. endurance beyond Hope indeed#and always Sam—Hope Unquenchable. to the very fires of the volcano and the heart of evil darkness watching one he loved be destroyed#and then claiming the eventual miraculous victory and recovery with two hands and fashioning#a beautiful full rich life full of love and service and growth and healing after all is said and done#despite all the pain#I am being So Very Normal about this#lotr#Sam#Frodo#Sam and Frodo#personal
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guys. isn't being alive so cool. there are. so many swag people in my life. some of them don't even know i exist but i know that they exist and they're doing cool shit and i look at them with fondness that's enough for me.
the people who do know that i exist are also wonderful and i cherish them so much beyond human comprehension its unreal to me that in another lifetime i wouldn't know such splendid souls but they are here with me now and i think that's all that matters.
and there's so many cool little creatures and animals and plants and whatnot and even if i don't know shit about them i think its so cool that somewhere out there these things spark whimsy and joy and breathe life into people that their brain is like a cozy little library of encyclopedia knowledge.
the way in which life can take us on so many fun journeys and paths even if it may not look like anything to us in the moment i think it's so fucking neat to be able to walk this path and that even in hardship there will be good for us eventually and stories to tell for getting through these things.
guys i love being alive im so happy i love life and i'm so glad that i can feel a depth of emotions because it means i can be grateful for so many cool things like this.
i hope you all have something to love in life too you are so epic and swag for reading this and i think you will absolutely be able to skyrocket out of the universe to do the thing you want to do. keep on keeping on fellow humans!!!
#lizzy speaks#i needed to get this out somewhere#today on lizz exists i am feeding my brain nutrients#i have been neglecting to give my brain positive messaging so i put myself in a rut on an accident :c#i hope everyone can be compassionate to themselves! you are so cool. tell yourself nice things u deserve it#there is so much joy in being niceys not only to others but to urself#i think being alive is so beautiful sometimes i feel so strongly about things it makes me want to cry from how wonderful life is#do i need to post this? no. but i want to. this is a moment of lizz brain to be preserved methinks#and it makes me very happy when other people can enjoy being alive. i sincerely hope the people around me and the ones that i may not be-#able to see in this instant can be happy too. happies for everyone!!!
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They are wrong and don't even know it, how sad
people saying how bad bucky barnes looks in thunderbolts
that means less people thirsting over him and more bucky for me
#who's saying it though?#who are these wrong people?#can you imagine being someone who thinks that#so lonely the wotld must be for you#so sad#to not be able to have joy and beauty in life#pay for them wish them well#they do not know!#anyway....#sebastian stan#Mr heart#he's serving and he's serving well
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anyway the correct order is the portrait of a lady on fire and then this is how you lose the time war
#the portrait of a lady on fire#this is how you lose the time war#lesbians#the tragedy of portrait is a lack of autonomy. heloise's sister did not scream; she did not fear death#but the idea of a marriage#nay a life#she did not choose was so harrowing death was the better option#heloise's tragedy is a life neither lived nor chosen#in time war it is the absence of a patriarchy that shines#the main characters are women; as are peripheral scientists and guards and military leaders#why shouldn't they be?#there is a struggle against authority but it is not a gender struggle#red and blue are so wonderfully capable and allowed to be so within their world#portrait is a beautiful movie and there is joy in that beauty#part of the beauty of time war is that red and blue are able to reach for their own joy#anyway period lesbians scifi lesbians#this is klunky#but i am having FEELINGS
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if i'm in school for another 6 months and i don't like my roommates this time maybe i'll finally have a hoe phase
#trying not to manifest shitty roommates but i've had so much luck in the roommate department so far and i'll probably end up living with a#bunch of straight girls (statistically) for the first time in my life? and if i don't like their vibes then i might actually go out and find#meaningful companionship? or maybe i will go back to my full-fledged depressive spiral from freshman year but twice as long this time <3#who knows <3#if i have good roommates (fingers crossed) i will be over the moon but if not maybe the universe will pay me back my joy in beautiful women#just told my mom that i can't actually handle taking 5 seminars at once (and she remembered this time unlike last time i tried to tell her#this) so forgive me if i sound a little manic but i haven't been able talk to her without crying since i was 18 and moved out the first time#my tolerance is so low and my guilt is so high all the time <3 yay c*tholicism strikes again#but i'm in therapy so maybe i'll be kind of over my shit by next year and ready for beautiful women (fingers once again crossed)#a post
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When I talked to the moon last night, I told her about you.
husband!gojo x reader drabble. he loves his wife SO much. just little romantic rituals.
∘∙∘☾𖤓∘∙∘
Shirtless, leaning against the railing of his balcony, Gojo exhaled blissfully. The curtains from inside flapped against the wind, reminding him that he hadn’t slid the doors shut. But he didn’t mind, as he was able to view your half-covered body tangled in his sheets, chest rising and falling in slow, peaceful breaths. A smile on your face despite the deep slumber he lulled you into.
Satoru did promise that you would never fall asleep without a smile on your face if you married him.
And he was proud to keep it.
You were everything to him, and he found a routine to follow after making love to you—wandering out to his balcony to thank the moon, the stars, or whatever was shining down on him from above. Like he often did as a child, gazing up at the moon as if it contained all of life’s answers, as if its wisdom whispered the key to your happiness.
Satoru found solace in the moon. And when the moon told him about the sun, he told the moon about you. The brightest, most important star in his universe. Nothing would ever outshine you in his mind.
He was so lucky to have you, and a day never passed without him acknowledging it.
Overcome with emotion, Satoru’s fingers tightened around the metal railing, slumping over it, as if he was afraid to keep gazing at the moon and its brilliance. The same overwhelming understanding washed over him. Gazing up at the moon was the equivalent of looking into your eyes.
Such beauty. An indescribable force. You. His Goddess. How lucky he was to have you by his side, in his bed, in his life.
The brightness from outside shined so perfectly into your eyes, that they flickered open. As you sat up, the first thing you saw was your husband on the balcony, deep in thought.
The muscles of his back seemed to contort under the moonlight. Your husband was so melodramatic.
“Is it a full moon tonight?” You whispered groggily from behind, not giving him a moment to reply before embracing him and resting your head against his back.
He didn’t need to ask why you joined him, as the first few times he asked, you always mumbled a cute and tired, “Toru, you know I can’t sleep without you.”
Chuckling softly, Gojo turned around to face you and pulled you into his chest. “Look for yourself, my love,” he whispered, pressing a light, gentle kiss on your forehead.
Exhaling, your nose scrunched, a playful glint in your eyes as you glanced up at him. Every time he held you so tightly, so carefully and protectively, you felt like you were falling in love with him all over again.
The brightness of the moon was clear, and it seemed to light up the entire sky, casting shadows along the drifting clouds, and highlighting Gojo’s features. Sometimes, it was hard to believe he was your husband. How lucky you were.
“What is the moon saying tonight?” you teased with a lighthearted tone.
Satoru claimed that the moon told him to marry you, after all. You are my sun, Y/N. He whispered every time he had to depart from you.
Without the sun, the moon would know nothing but darkness. And every morning, the light and joy you greeted him with was an everlasting reminder that he found his other half.
Glancing back to the stars dotting the sky, hardly visible from the moon’s brilliance, Gojo’s eyes twinkled. “The moon congratulated me.”
Arms slipping around his waist, you questioned in a curious murmur. “For what?”
His head tilted back to gain a better look at you. “Somehow convincing you to marry me.” He smiled sleepily, leaning down to capture your lips again. Kissing you would never grow tiresome, it was the action he looked forward to most every morning and every night. It was like he would die without it.
“Well the sun knows it didn’t take much convincing.” You took both of his hands in yours and tugged him back to the door’s entrance. “But maybe I can ask it again in the morning.”
“Just to make sure?” He smiled.
Falling back into the king-sized bed, you sighed innocently, beckoning Gojo to follow you. Once he did, you cuddled up next to him. One hand on his cheek, you pressed your lips against his.
“The sun makes no mistakes, my love,” you mumbled against his lips.
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Beauty and the Beast
An event where you are a woman in the 50s trying to turn the head of your neighbor, Francis Mosses when you are stalked and pursued by his evil counterpart.
Art by ilameys
Zettai Zetsumei • Co shu Nie
Word Count: 5.7k
⚠️: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT ♥ Manhandling, Slight body horror descriptions, descriptions of blood, himbo!doppelgänger!Francis Mosses, Yandere Behavior, Mentions of Stalking, sexualization of the female MC by Fake Francis, SMUT(CNC, mentions of a "rape kit"), and monster cock.
I write for free, but if you wanna further support me > Ko-Fi 🎀
Life was somewhat boring for you as a woman in the 50s. Despite being sought after by a lot of the men in your apartment complex, you had your heart set on one man. You only got to see him once a day. Francis Mosses. When he would deliver milk to your door in the morning. No matter how cute or cherry you were, it seemed like his mind was set on other things. The man always looked tired but you thought he was handsome no matter what. Maybe even more handsome…it was just something about hot men being tired that made them so much hotter.
You had hoped that eventually, he’d notice you and finally take you on a date!
But that hope soon faded when you read the newspapers. They talked about how doppelgängers are becoming a lot more frequent and the D.D.D. would be installing new units everywhere to ensure that no evil counterparts are making their way into the homes of others and killing people. You were able to tell if this made you feel safer or a lot more scared. What if someone made a mistake…?
Well, you didn’t have a chance to feel anything really, as the D.D.D. was extremely secretive about this kind of threat. After some time, it became normalized and it soon left your mind. The Doorman job seemed to be pretty effective as you had never seen any monsters before and were very much alive. It was rumored that the creatures would murder and eat any person they encountered if they succeeded in passing as humans. This is another reason you had your heart set on Francis. You felt as though he could protect you at a time like this. Maybe it was naive of you but after all, you were just a girl.
“Good Morning.”
Upon hearing the small knock at your door, you went to greet him. Francis stood tall, rather confused about you coming to get your bottled milk so quickly.
“Oh, good morning…” He replied flatly, gripping the strap of his milk bag. You thought that maybe he had a mutual crush on you and was too shy to act on it. So, you could take that step for him.
“How are you this morning? I hope that life is agreeing with you today.” You stepped outside of your apartment door with your glass of milk in hand. Francis shrugged. “I suppose it is.” He then yawned before saying “What’s wrong? Are you looking for another?”
You blinked. “Huh?” Your eyes then darted down to your hands. “O-Oh…sure.” You smiled attractively, causing him to break eye contact with you. He reached into his milk carrier and revealed and took out another. “You’re only allowed to get one every day but you can have mine.” He walked up to you and placed the bottle into your free hand.
“Th-Thanks!”
“Don’t mention it.”
After he disappeared around the corner, you were filled with joy! That interaction was such a good sign. He gave you his milk bottle. You had to make him something for dinner tonight as a gift!
Thunk!
You almost jumped at the sound of glass falling on the carpet at the far end of the hallway behind you. It looked like an empty milk bottle if you squinted hard enough. There was a shadow as well. It made you feel uneasy and quickly made you retreat into your home.
You wanted to try seeing if you could have more time with Francis. There was a job opening for the D.D.D. Doorman of your building and you instantly took it. Being able to meet with Francis when he wasn’t busy might have your conversations with him take a turn for the better. You really appreciated his selfless gesture. So, seeing him at least twice a day would make your life so much brighter. Francis was the complete package. Tall, handsome, quiet, and most of all, soft-spoken. You’d be a good wife to him.
On the first day of the job, you didn’t receive any proper training. You were given an informational video and a set of instructions that you scrambled to memorize as a long line of your neighbors awaited their inspection outside. The job was easy at first and you did it well. It was a chore but those are easy. You let in the right people and you called the D.D.D. when you found a doppelganger like you were instructed to. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, Francis didn’t pay you any mind. You gave him a soft smile through the glass before asking him about his day.
“I hope work is treating you well.” You pitched your voice up to sound cuter. Your graceful hands moved swiftly as you sifted through the many layers of documents, trying to organize them before your next neighbor. “Yeah, I suppose.” He answered, blinking rather slowly. Your smile widened. “Any days off soon? I’d like to see you outside of your uniform.” You winked at him and he just shrugged. “Dunno.”
“Well, maybe, sometime after your hard work, you tell me a day you’d think you would be free?”
You waited with anticipation for his response. He seemed rather confused and it was rather adorable. Then he said “I don’t really know. I think I’m busy but I’ll let you know if that changes.”
Your smile faltered just a little but you were good at faking emotions. “Oh, no worries.” You waved him off in a playful manner before pressing the button to allow him inside. Your shift ended and you thought that you should probably get to making that dinner for him as a ‘thank you’ for the free milk. As you began to clean up, the pressure of your job began to set in. This wasn’t something that you could just quit if Francis were to reject you. Ignoring all the unexplainable noises, the dark figures, and the constant feeling of being watched, it would be very awkward seeing him every day after that.
It was a new day. Francis came to check into the building and you let him go without chatting with him because you didn’t want to seem like a bother. But…then you saw him again.
“Francis?” You cutely tilted your head. The way he looked at you was much different than usual. The Francis you knew could barely make meaningful eye contact with you but right now he had no problem burning holes into your skull with his eyes. Not only that but he was visibly bigger as well. Taller and more masculine. His arms were big and veiny. This was NOT Francis Mosses.
“I-ID…?” You gave a nervous half-smile as you tried to hide your stutter. The humanoid creature gawked, a subtle sense of happiness washing over its face the longer it stayed there. “Don’t have it on me.” It replied plainly. You picked up the clipboard before exing out the box that was labeled “ID.”
“W-Well, you seem to look a lot like someone who’s already checked in. Please, give me a moment to confirm.” You flashed it a close-eyed smile. Upon seeing it, the fake Francis moved closer to the window, fogging it up with its mouth breathing.
You pressed the big red button to close the shutter before dialing the number to the D.D.D.
The representative told you someone would be over right away to dispose of the doppelgänger. It only took about a minute before they’d arrive. Normally, the shutter would open on its own after being reset by the D.D.D. member but for some reason, it didn’t You figured that now would be a good time to open it to help the last neighbors but when you did, you were not met with the hazmat suit you were so familiar with.
In front of you was the same fake Francis from before, now covered in some blood. His expression was one of annoyance and the veins in his arms were pulsating as if he were trying to contain some kind of anger.
“E-Excuse me, but you need to—!”
“Let me in.”
Your heart dropped. It talked! And it sounded just like Francis too.
You shook your head. “N-No! I’m not letting a monster in.” You reached for the number to re-dial the number again.
“But I think you look so pretty today. You wore that just for me, huh? I’d love to t-tear it off of you.” The creature’s neck involuntarily cracked its neck, twisting it in a demonic way. You screamed at the sight, pressing the button once more to close the shutters so that you wouldn’t have to see it. As they went down, the doppelgänger tried to stop it by putting his hand under it. It got caught in the track, causing it to get stuck on the track and it was open halfway.
“Come on, Darling, I know you’re not about to call those bastards again. I don’t want to have to hurt anyone else.” The large man-creature crouched down. You could see his fanged canine teeth poking out of his mouth. You backed away from the window with the telephone in hand.
3312…
You listened to the dial tone for a few seconds before the receptionist answered.
“Hello?”
“P-Please send help!” You cried over the phone. Tears began to spill out of your eyes upon hearing the squeal of metal as the predator stretched and bent it to his will. The glass was the only thing left that could stop him from entering.
You saw how abnormally long his tongue was when it glided over his lips. “I just want to taste you…”
The receptionist dispatched another group of workers to help dispose of the doppelgänger. They arrived almost instantly. It was only then that the fake Francis moved away from the window. You sighed in relief, trying to calm yourself down from the events that transpired. You ran over to the tempered glass. The mental door looked like sheet paper.
You saw no trace of the Hazmat people but you also didn’t see the fake Francis anymore. You quickly gathered your things and rushed to leave. You opened the door to let yourself out. You planned to run to your room and lock the door but as soon as you had left the room, you bumped into a stiff, toned chest. The figure grabbed you by your neck and forced you to look at them. The gloved hand was covered in blood and it stained your skin and the collar of your dress.
“Where do you think you’re going, Princess?”
His grip around your throat was so tight that you weren’t able to form words. It was completely covered in blood and in its other hand was a knife dripping with blood as well. It kept the violence to one side of the room so that you weren’t able to see anything unless you completely left the screening room.
The light clank of the knife hitting the ground could be heard and its newly free hand grabbed your waist. The doppelgänger hugged you to its masculine chest. Its head rested itself on top of yours before it planted its nose in the crown of your head before inhaling your scent deeply. The blaring sound of the alarm continued to go off and it was deafening.
Your nose was overloaded with the scent of fresh blood. The pure shock didn’t let you resist his touch. His grip loosened and you dropped everything you had in your hands on the floor, staining it in with the red substance
“P-Please.”
You felt its large hand around the back of your neck and you feared that it would snap it and kill you any second. You held your breath as you felt it set the other hand on your waist as well, rubbing it gingerly.
It felt like the doppelgänger was sizing you up to see if you’d be a good enough meal for it.
“He-ey, beautiful. It's… okay…”
The doppelgänger’s speech was somewhat disconnected but it was fluid for the most part. At first, it was clear he was a fake but the more he kept talking, the more it sounded like the real thing…like it was learning in real time.
Your heart rate accelerated when you felt its hand travel ever so slowly from your waist to the collar of your dress. The inhuman smile on its face widened and it suddenly ripped the cloth that covered your torso. You gasped, instinctively covering your now exposed bra.
You wiggled out of its grip and used the opportunity to run. You kicked off your pumps and ran barefoot to your apartment. All you could do was hope that more of the D.D.D. would come and solve the issue before anyone else could get hurt. The emergency alarm was still going off so the authorities should be there soon.
When you arrived at your door, you tried to scramble to look for your keys so that you could get inside but…
…you remembered that you dropped them along with the rest of your possessions.
The sound of heavy footsteps approaching behind you. The large shadow engulfed your smaller form.
“Allow me.” The stranger said, calmly. Their large fist went through the door handle, shattering the lock and making it completely useless. You were too shocked to try running again. It found you.
The doppelganger shoved you against the door, swinging it open and causing you to fall forward inside of your home. You hit the floor with a soft but swift thud. “I see the way you look at him.” Its voice was laced with venom—anger but left more to be desired. It was playing with you awfully long for a creature that was trying to kill you.
“But you’d never look at me that way…”
The Fake Francis entered the apartment making sure to secure the door behind it so that you couldn’t run anymore. You cried and whimpered as it took its sweet time pushing your bookcase in front of the door so no one would intervene with what was supposed to happen next.
“I-I don’t know what you’re—” You couldn’t even finish your sentence as it smashed its lips into yours. Its tongue was like that of a serpent, slipping its way into your mouth. You tried to push it away but any attempts just resulted in your lips connecting once more. It was too strong.
You were terrified but it passed so much for the real Francis.
“Tell me you don’t like it ‘n I’ll stop.” It whispered into your mouth before it French kissed you once more. You kissed it back, unable to resist his appearance any longer. When it pulled away, a string of saliva connected between both of your mouths. It’s warm breath hits the surface of your face, eyes full of lust and horror.
It’s soft lips attached themselves to your neck, biting and sucking until your skin slowly began turning red. “Mmm.” It hummed deeply, traveling lower and lower until it reached the cavern between your breasts. “You’re sensitive here, aren’t you?” It placed kisses in the valley of your chest, waiting for a reply. You were unable to form words at this point. It wanted to ravage you and steal your innocence. It took your idleness as consent, continuing on with satisfying itself and by extension, satisfying you.
It took the delicate hand you had been using to drive a wedge between the both of you. You thought that at this point it was going to break your arm! You squeezed your eyes shut, ready to endure the pain but…it didn’t. You felt the heated bulge beneath it’s bloodied white trousers. It throbbed.
That’s when it finally clicked for you. It wasn’t playing with you like you were food. It wasn’t trying to taste you and pick it’s teeth with your bones. It wanted to be with you. To breed you.
“I—ah~♡!” You bit down on your lip to contain the pretty moans that left your mouth. Your bra was removed, fully exposing your breasts. Its tongue touched the tip of your nipple and its mouth enveloped over your entire areola. It licked and sucked on the bud until it was nice and hard. The other hand was subtly slipped under your dress.
It took barely any strength at all to rip the fabric, showing how inappropriately wet you’d become from this activity. It craved the essence that was oozing from your tiny cunt.
At the feeling of the cold wind, you brought your legs together just to have them forced apart again. The creature made you feel so small and vulnerable. It used force when it felt necessary but overall, it was….soft. Licking, kissing, biting but no drawing blood, taste, loving.
It salivated at your legs, raising one and nuzzling the side of its face into the smooth skin. “So…gorgeous.” It pulled you forward. “When I saw you, I knew I wanted you.”
“Y-You did…?” You squeaked. It’s touch sent goosebumps from your limp to the rest of your body. “Two years I’ve been watching you. It was so damn annoying seeing you talk to that piece of meat.”
Piece of meat?
“I don’t know who you mean.” You shied away from the perfect creature. Could it mean…
“F-Francis?” You knitted your eyes together in confusion.
“Yes—HIM!” The doppelgänger dropped your leg and pulled you by your thighs to its crotch. “…I could never decide what skin would be the best to pursue you in. But then I’d see the way you look at him.” Pre-cum was beginning to show from its member inside. You could feel the wet fabric on the lips of your hot cunt. “So, I became him…but better.”
You heard the subtle unzipping sound of the pants and it took out its thick cock. It was larger than normal and didn't look like the standard male genitalia. You’d need to use both hands to hold it.
There was no denying this thing could perfectly replicate a human man. Before you could even react, the big “man” picked you up by your hair.
“Get on your knees.” He commanded and you felt obligated to obey him. You’ve never been in a situation where you were being held up by a man like this.
“I’m gonna split you in half with this cock.” He pushed its large tip against your cheek, straining it with warm cum. “Open your mouth.”
Your lips parted for a moment but you hesitated. There was no way that whole thing could fit into your mouth. Your eyes traveled up to his for guidance. He only stared down at you with hard, tired eyes. The corner of his mouth tugged upward into a smirk.
“I said…open your mouth.”
He spoke through his teeth as if it were a threat. You were reluctant but tried to ease it in. You kissed his tip, causing him to grunt and tighten his fist around your hair. “Open.” He growled, yanking your head back. His cock was so close to your face that you could truly take in its side. It was nearly the length of your skull.
You opened your mouth out of fear and he shoved it inside. He was kind enough to let you get used to it in your throat by going soft and slow…or maybe he was just distracted by the imprint showing on your throat.
You grabbed his hips to keep yourself from falling backward. Even a bit of force made you lose your balance. “Good girl.” He sighed, relaxing into you, pushing the limits by pushing it deeper. Your choking and gagging only made him feel pleasure.
“You struggling with my dick in your mouth is so hot.” You heard him mutter under his breath. Your eyes began to water from the choking, causing tears to carry mascara down your cheeks.
“Keep sucking.” He fucked into your throat and gentle too. “I’m close.”
Both of his hands found themselves on the back of your head. He sped up his pace until a loud groan emitted from his chest and a mysterious liquid found its way down your throat.
The doppelgänger let go of your hair. You fell back on your bottom and he crouched down. “Hey.” He called, grabbed both sides of your face with one hand. He squeezed your cheeks together. “Swallow.”
You swallowed what was left and once he knew it was in your belly, his lips crashed into yours. His tongue wormed its way into your mouth and explored every cavern.
You felt yourself get lifted again but this time to your feet. He walked you over to your dining table and shoved you into it. “Bend over.”
You didn’t really get a choice. When you tried to stand, he forced you down to the table with his hand on the back of your head.
You expected him to say something, but he stayed silent. You felt him explore your backside from your hips to your exposed ass. The wind was so cold but his hands were so warm.
He chuckled darkly, spreading your ass cheeks and sticking his shaft in between. His dick was so much bigger than you that you would definitely have a belly bulge because of it. He wanted to experience it for himself.
You waited with silent anticipation for him what he would do next. You weren’t too sexually active anymore because you wanted to reserve that for the real Francis, if you ever got the chance with him, so you were really nervous about having something so big inside.
“Uah!” You squeaked, feeling a wet, warm muscle enter the deepest part of your cunt. It was his tongue!
You whipped your head around to see that his face was buried in you from behind. “Mmm.” You heard him hum vibrations into you. He consumed all of your juices as they came out. It must’ve tasted so good coming from a pretty human like you.
With every moan and whimper that left your mouth, it made his dick grow harder and harder. He didn’t stop until you had creamed all over his tongue. So much came out that it got all over his face too.
“I-Is that it? Is that what you want…?” You asked, but you were only ignored.
“Pick a hole.”
“Wh-wha—“
“Pick a hole, or I will.”
Pick…a hole…?
His large thumb massaged your asshole while his knuckles, now sleek with your cream, was stimulating your pussy.
“Um…I—“
“Both it is!”
Your eyes widened. “Wait, what?!”
You felt his thumb sink deep into your ass while he struggled to get his large tip into your pussy. “Damn you’re fucking tight.” He growled through his teeth. His free hand grabbed your ass, fingers sinking in so deep they’d leave marks.
“W-Wait, you have to go slow!” You cried, face heating up from being touched in such filthy ways. “I am.” He grumbled, pushing the limits of your vagina by forcing himself inside. Despite going at the pace of a snail, the pain of trying to fit himself inside didn’t decrease at all. You helplessly clawed at the table beneath you. It didn’t matter how wet you were. He was too big.
It took a moment but he was able to get it. It slipped in with much ease on his end but the difference inside made you gasp so hard you needed to cover your mouth.
The doppelgänger began thrusting without warning, quickly overstimulating you. You could feel him in your stomach too. You reach back to push him off of you but he just grabbed your arm and kept it. There wasn’t much you could do to get someone this big off of you. You would only take it.
“P-Please…I can’t take it!” You gapped out, drool escaped your mouth as you tried to form words. He was fucking you so hard you couldn’t even think. All that could be heard around the room was the lewd slapping of his filled balls against the bottom of your pussy.
“Beg for it then. Say you love me.” His breath hitched. “Say you want me and I’ll let you go.”
“I—“ Slap!
You tried to speak. “I wa—“ Slap!
It seemed that when you tried to comply with him, he’d remove the hand playing with your asshole to leave a rough, skin-reddening slap on your ass. Your struggling amused him. He couldn’t help but smile.
The doppelgänger has been stalking you for so long. It was hard getting into your apartment normally because of the last doorman but he couldn’t resist you once you were sitting at that desk.
“What’s wrong?” He teased, his deep voice going soft. “My dick isn’t in your mouth anymore…so what’s the issue?” He chuckled. “Beg.”
“I want you!” You blurted out.
“You…want me? Say there’s no one else. Say you love me!” It was like music to his ears, really. It was helping him reach his climax.
“I…I love you—“
“FUCK!”
Your belly bulge quickly became bigger as his cum painted your walls and womb. Even with his dick growing more flaccid, he continued to fuck his cum into you so that you both knew who you belonged to now. Tears spilled out of your eyes as you squirted onto his cock, mixing your juices together.
“I love you too, Princess. More than you could ever imagine—“ Before he could finish, his ears perked up almost like an animal. His attention turned towards your door that he had destroyed before. “Here they come.” He muttered, putting his member back into his pants.
You weakly lifted yourself from the table. Your hand placed itself tight below your navel. It was so sore now. “Who’s coming…? What are you talking about…?”
The doppelgänger ignored you, its horns flesh and bones began contorting and changing color. Its physique turned from that of a huge masculine man to the familiar form of that of a D.D.D. member. Yellow suit and all.
It ran to the door, opening it, and sticking its head out. “I found her, she's in here!” Its voice changed to a generic man as well. Not at all like the deep gruff from before.
Your legs felt like jelly, you fell to the ground as soon as you were able to stand. They were numb from the pleasure, leaving you unable to walk.
What happened next went by as a blur. The D.D.D. Reinforcement Team took you to a hospital where you were taken care of and given rape kit. You were unable to refuse it once the forensics team found semen at the scene. In order to maintain faith in the D.D.D., your assault was largely covered up but only those who were in the apartment that day knew about it.
After the commotion of filing our paperwork and giving information, you were sent home. You didn’t sustain any life threatening injuries but you were asked to come in periodically to see how your body would react to having the semen of a doppelgänger inside of you…so now you were a bit of a test subject to them. You quit the job after that but you were quickly replaced by a new guy.
You hadn’t seen the doppelgänger the entire time. Or at least, you thought you didn’t. You wanted to process the situation but you were more confused as to why it craved so much validation from you. It wanted you to say you loved it. It wanted you to say that you wanted it. It said that it’s been waiting two years to be this close to you. It looked like Francis.
You had just arrived back home. Carpenters quickly replaced your door before you got home and you decided to continue life as usual by making dinner for yourself. Your heart still aches from the fear you felt when you thought you were going to die. And so did your vagina. It didn’t bleed, thank god, but it was sore to the touch from how big that monster was.
“Man, I thought you’d never come back.”
You were alone in your kitchen when a voice emitted from behind you. The familiarity in the voice made your heart drop. You quickly turned around to see the doppelgänger from before, masquerading as Francis again.
“What are you doing here? What do you—“
“Shh, princess.” He strided through your small kitchen, stepping so close to you that you were against the counter with nowhere else to go. You placed your hands on his chest, giving you the illusion that you could push him away. He grabbed your arm by the wrist before kissing the inside of your palm. He kissed your fingers and then the back of your hand before making you cup his cheek, which he nuzzled into lovingly.
You wanted to rip your hand away but his grip was so strong. You blushed. Was it wrong to admit that he…it, was attractive?
“Why didn’t you kill me and eat me? Why did you do that to me?” You questioned meekly. His eyes were closed, enjoying your warm touch with a smile before they opened. His eyes were like hunter's eyes. “Because I love you.” He replied flatly.
“I don’t know what that means…”
You opened your mouth to speak again but you were cut off by a knock at your door.
“I’ll get it.” The doppelgänger quickly said and in a mere second, it shapeshifted to turn into…you. It was able to mimic you in all your glory, including the hickeys, bites and bruises from your attack.
“No!” You blurted out. “Don’t do that.”
The doppelgänger allowed you to move away from it and your arm fell to your side. You went to get the door but you made sure to check who it was before opening.
It was Francis!
“It’s him!” You hurried to your bedroom to find your cardigan to cover your tattered clothes before answering the door.
“Francis? What brings you here?” You forced a smile but your eyes looked just as tired as his. You couldn’t hide anything from him.
“I heard what happened. ‘m so glad you’re okay.” Francis sighed, quickly invading your personal space. He hugged you to his chest. You blinked “F-Francis…?”
“I felt all torn up when I thought you died but when I heard that you were just fine, I just had to come see you myself.” Your stomach burned with delight. Francis was worried about you?
Francis let go of you and you pulled away. His face was red like he was blushing and you couldn’t help but blush too. Your lips curled into a smile. “W-Well, I’m a lot tougher than I look.”
He wanted to smile back but he couldn’t. He saw the marks on your skin. You were hurt. “I know you are.” He masked his sadness with a weak smile. He rested his hand on your head and ruffled it a bit.
It would probably be inappropriate for him to admit that he’s actually had feelings for you all this time, so he’d save it for another day. Hearing the news about the doppelgänger through gossip during his job of going door to door made him realize he could lose you at any moment. But today, he settled with placing a kiss at the crown of your head. “Stay safe. I’ll check on you again later.”
For a moment, everything in your life went still. Even after he had walked away and left you standing there, it didn’t feel real. This more or less confirmed he had a crush on you as well. No man just does that and doesn’t see you as more than just a neighbor.
Your heart fluttered as you came back to reality. You slipped back inside of your home. You need to get cleaned up! You had to bathe and find something suitable just in case Francis wanted to come inside upon your next meeting.
But then….
“You look awfully happy.”
The doppelgänger was still here. You gulped, seeing his much bigger form. He grabbed the sides of your face with his hand again. He didn’t bother crouching because of your size difference, leaving you standing on the tips of your toes.
You were too shocked to try defending yourself, so he continued. “I saw everything so don’t even try to lie. That bastard is so lucky that I have to lay low until the D.D.D. gets their claws out of you or else I would’ve…”
“Don’t hurt him!” You tried to beat and punch his arm to get him off but he didn’t budge. “Why not?!”
“Because…I’ll be sad. And you don’t want me to be sad, do you?” Your voice was unlabeled and lacked confidence. It was a Hail Mary but you’d do anything to prevent Francis from getting hurt.
“Shit.” The doppelgänger let go of you, setting you back on your feet. It seemed…conflicted. He paced around your living room briefly. It had a soft spot for you but you could tell it has trouble processing emotions like a person. It was just imitating a person to get what it wanted.
“You don’t want him. You just wanna marry a guy. I’ll marry you.”
You shook your head. “No. Y-You can’t. You’re not him.”
“Of course I am.” His expression became mischievous. A smirk settled on his handsome face. “You can even call me Francis in bed if it fancies you.”
You felt your stomach do a flip!
“No! I’m not calling you that. Even though you look just like him…wh-what do I call you anyway…?” You retreated inward, hugging yourself and looking quite nervous as if the situation was beginning to dawn on you. You were currently desired by one of the most dangerous beings in the world.
“Francis.”
“Stop! I’m never using that name for you.” You got angry enough to shove him but he didn’t move an inch. You quickly realized that you shouldn’t push too hard or else it might change its mind and kill you.
“Mmm….” You pursed your lips, avoiding eye contact with the monster. “Wh-What about Franz? Is that good enough for you…?”
Franz, huh?
“Perfect.”
Tagged Folks: @z3r0art @chilifrylizard2
#that's not my neighbor#thats not my neighbor#francis mosses#Francis Mosses x reader#Milk Man#Milk man x reader#Yandere Milk Man x Reader#Yandere francis mosses#tnmn#doppleganger#dark romance
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Aspects of Juno: Your married life
Juno [3] is an asteroid that can give us clues about the person you are going to marry and/or the person you are destined to be with, in the same way it can tell us about your marriage. In this post we will explore what your married life will be like with this special person. To have more information about your natal Juno and your person's personality, I recommend you to check my Juno post -> ⚵
💞Juno conjunct Sun: Fun and commitment will abound. You will enjoy a positive marriage, full of rewarding experiences and shared joys with your special person. They will be a great light in your life, filling you with energy, love and a lot of appreciation. You will admire each other and be focused on building a relationship in which you both feel equally important and loved. They will make any day that seems difficult or tough better, they will be there to show their unconditional love and support. There will be a strong devotion between both, a deep desire to make the other happy and create a union that fulfills them completely. This relationship will give you a strong sense of identity, you will discover your potential being together and you will feel completely loved by the other for the mere fact of being yourself. They are fundamental in each other's lives and there is a great sense of union between them.
💞Juno conjunct Moon: The emotional bond between them is truly strong, tender and sweet. In addition to feeling enchanted by the nature and emotions of the other, there is a deep desire to cherish and protect the emotions of the other. There is a strong and unique union between you, you seem to understand each other instinctively and easily. Their desire to be there for each other, to mutually care for each other, and to understand each other deeply is quite great. Your person will be loving, expressive and will be very in touch with both their emotions and yours. Both will easily come into contact with their emotions, becoming more open. The other will awaken a caring and loving instinct. In this marriage you will feel emotionally satisfied, listened to and truly loved. For both of you, it is crucial to have that sense of emotional stability, to reassure the other that your love is genuine and constant.
💞Juno conjunct Mercury: There is nothing they love more than coming home to spend time with their favorite person. Spending time together and having long conversations, from the most profound and existential to the most trivial and random, they feel that they connect perfectly with each other in any aspect of the relationship. You are always on each other's minds, and you seem to be each other's favorite topic of conversation, and you can tell the love and adoration they feel for each other when they talk about you. They love sharing things with each other and want to be able to create many memories together. They have an impressive mental connection and know how to make another day in another's life something fun and meaningful. They are very verbal with the appreciation they have for each other and their relationship, both propose things to experience and discover together.
💞Juno conjunct Venus: A connection built with the purest and deepest of loves. In this relationship there is a quite prominent flow of love, stability and romantic devotion, both will feel that they fall more and more in love with the other. They will not lose romance no matter how time goes by, they will have dates, nice words and meaningful gestures with each other. It is a beautiful connection, since both share values and priorities in the relationship, they commit to loving the other, worshiping the other and making them feel desired and important. There is a strong attraction between them, both physically and romantically, and both consider themselves extremely irresistible. Your person will be loving, will have mannerisms or an elegant way of speaking, the archetype of a chivalrous person regardless of their gender, and both will awaken the more relaxed, adoring and tender side of the other.
💞Juno conjunct Mars: It is surprising how quickly and convincingly they identified the other as someone they want to marry. Both came quickly to life, like a heard manifestation. There is an intense attraction between them and they awaken a deep desire in each other. The passion between you is always present, the deep desire to belong to the other, to have each other close and to keep the fire alive inside the other. Both are passionate people who give themselves decisively to each other, without hesitation and without beating around the bush. Your future spouse is determined, ambitious and goes after what he wants with perseverance and without a hint of doubt, he will flood your life with excitement, passion and a touch of fun. Both feel motivated and energetic in this relationship, they do not subtract or discourage each other, on the contrary, they seek to explore their potential with the other, both individually and as a couple.
💞Juno conjunct Jupiter: You will enjoy a positive marriage, one that will fill you with rewarding experiences, a spiritual and rewarding connection for you on all levels, especially the spiritual. Both will try to make the other happy, understand each other and spend time with each other. They will travel a lot together, they will discover the true meaning of happiness hand in hand with each other and they will have a relationship in which they both respect and give devotion to each other. Your vision of life and love will be illuminated with positivism, thanks to what you will build together with your partner and what you will experience together. Things between you flow naturally, nothing feels rushed or forced. Your future spouse will be a happy, cultured and very wise person, who will guide you with love, patience and understanding. They may be from a different background [another country, religion] but that does not prevent them from getting along.
💞Juno conjunct Saturn: Here we find a committed, stable couple who not only plan to be together long term, but strive to make it a reality. Through actions, small gestures, and dedication and devotion to each other, they make sure to remind the other how important this commitment is to them. Both completely trust each other and see in the other a perfect partner, because they know that the other will put in the same effort and that things will be equitable. They take their commitment seriously, give their all and defend their relationship from any issue that dares to approach. They both had no problem waiting for the right person to arrive, as they knew perfectly well what they wanted. They are likely to get married after 27-28. Your future spouse is someone older than you, whether in age, maturity or experience. Someone stable, reliable, hard-working and who does not let themselves be easily defeated by life. They will be a very stable pillar in your lives.
💞Juno conjunct Uranus: You and your partner will break the patterns of a usual couple that the people around you have, if there are patterns in your family, you will break them with quite certainty. Your relationship will be free of unnecessary drama, there is a feeling of finally being free next to each other, of being able to be yourself uninhibitedly and feeling appreciated by the other. They will come into each other's lives when they least expect it or when they least look for a relationship and will completely change each other's lives. There will be a strong companionship between you and you will mix your essence of lovers with that of friends, thus forming a relationship in which you are transparent with the other. Your future spouse is a unique person who stands out from the crowd, someone independent who is authentic and doesn't try to fit in the mold. Both can be great inspirations for each other.
💞Juno conjunct Neptune: There is a strong spiritual connection between you, you can connect on a level so deep that it is unlike anything you have experienced before. They feel a deep devotion to the other, they feel that the other understands them perfectly and they awaken the most loving and gentle side of the other. They are capable of giving themselves completely to the other without hesitation, of letting the other see them raw and, when the other does the same, loving them even stronger. Your future spouse will be good at reading you very well, will be unconditional and may have artistic or spiritual interests. They will see beyond appearances, they will know strengths and difficulties and, like a good partner, they will support and help each other as much as they can. They will be each other's sanctuary, that place where they feel safe, loved and accepted. They are both addicted to each other's love and presence.
💞Juno conjunct Pluto: There will be a very deep bond in the other, a pull that will drive them crazy, that will fascinate them and make their heart beat like crazy. They constantly think about each other, about the relationship and there is a strong need to be close, to feel each other, to discover themselves and explore every part of the other on an intimate level. Both become one, they get along like no one else and experience the most intense of loves. You are ride or die, there is a strong sense of belonging between both of you, and an uncontrollable desire to have the other around. They both empower each other, encourage each other and feel like they have the world in their hands if they are together. Your partner wants you like he has never wanted anyone, he is protective, intense and connects wonderfully with you on a sexual level. Strong devotion between you and willingness to do much for the other without expecting something in exchange.
💞Juno trine Sun: In this marriage both will flow easily with the other, their similarities lead them to connect more easily. Both were delighted with the relationship and will focus on making themselves feel adored and accepted. There will be a strong attraction to both the body and personality of the other, even before they can feel that spark and fascination with the other. Your future spouse is charismatic, easily attracts the attention of others and loves to make your life and your marriage something that fills you with satisfaction and joy.
💞Juno trine Moon: The feeling of security and comfort will be the bases between you, you fill the other with love, affection and a lot of tenderness. They love to take care of each other with both small and large and abundant gestures. They will love focusing on having wholesome moments that will make them remember why they decided to be with each other. Your future spouse will be gentle with you, attentive to what you say and feel and quite emotional, they will love that you both open up to having deep conversations in which they can get to know you better.
💞Juno trine Mercury: In this relationship they both learn a lot from each other. Communication is fluid and they never remain in uncomfortable silences or without topics of conversation. Your future spouse is extremely intelligent and skilled at many different things, which will increase your admiration for them. You will take many short trips and will love to discover many things side by side. You like to delve into each other's minds, know each other from head to toe and without a doubt you are each other's favorite enigma.
💞Juno trine Venus: Romantic gestures will abound, you will love planning things together and creating private and loving plans for special dates. A strong desire to be close, to adore every part of the other, from the body to the soul and heart. Your partner will be gentle with you, understanding and extremely detailed, they will show you their love through compliments and gifts. You two will ensure that you both receive the same love that you give and seek to give each other all of yourself. A connection that stands out for the enormous respect, esteem and affection shown both in public and in private.
💞Juno trine Mars: The attraction and desire is felt between you by the thousands. You two are very convinced that your person is the right one, you feel better in each other’s presence, more capable and stronger, desired and protected. Your future spouse is a very driven person, they think quickly and seem restless in both physical and mental energy, they do not hesitate or waste time. Your life will be more in motion after marriage, and your partner will encourage you to try all those things that previously terrified you or felt like you couldn't.
💞Juno trine Jupiter: There is a strong compatibility between the two, they will feel at ease with each other and will have the ability to ease each other's mood regardless of the day-to-day tension. They both give each other hope and teach each other to appreciate the beauty and happiness in the smallest things. They contribute positively to each other's lives and have a similar vision of marriage, which makes them work together toward the relationship they want. Your future spouse will be your lucky charm, your light in the darkest days and someone from whom you will learn valuable lessons that will make you feel fulfilled.
💞Juno trine Saturn: The loyalty you have to each other comes from the value you place on your partner in your lives and how impactful and positive has each other's presence become. Your future spouse is someone constant, hard-working, reliable and very wise, there is something in their aura that commands respect. There may be an age difference between you of more than 3 years. There is a strong admiration between them and they constantly work to make the relationship something that gives them peace of mind and stability in their lives.
💞Juno trine Uranus: You are both fascinated by the small details that make you. This marriage brought many positive changes to each other's lives. No matter what changes arise, whether as individuals or external circumstances, the other will always be there. They will have the ability to take each other by surprise and fill the other with new airs and experiences that they never thought they would live. Your future spouse is someone very intelligent and capable in their field, charismatic and with the duality of standing out with or without people by their side.
💞Juno trine Neptune: Regardless of how you are in your daily lives, both awaken the soft and caring side of the other, a genuine desire to love, adore and worship the other as if they were the most precious gem in the world. You feel hopeful about each other, you feel that love exists and that it can be healthy and last a long time, you see in the other an ideal companion with whom to last from here to eternity. Your future spouse loves taking care of you and their love language may be acts of service & quality time, they feel deeply drawn at you and there’s the sensation of you being the only one that truly gets them.
💞Juno trine Pluto: There is a lot of chemistry between you, one that you could feel from the moment you laid eyes on each other. Both came into each other's lives to turn it upside down in the best possible way, they have a permanent stay in each other's memory and awaken the most passionate and intense side of the other. Your future spouse is a person with a lot of self-confidence, they have a vibe of mystery and power and an enigma that only attracts you more and more. They have iron loyalty towards each other.
💞Juno sextile Sun: You both feel genuinely happy to have each other, you know and feel that in this relationship you can be yourselves, that your partner does not ask or demand changes and makes sure to maintain a loving and accepting environment. Your future spouse is confident and infects you with their power and trust. You both help each other to see yourself in better eyes, to recognize all the good that is in yourselves. Affection, warmth, a duo that works together to have a positive and healthy relationship.
💞Juno sextile Moon: Here both of you feel that your emotions are safe, that you can allow yourself to be gentle and vulnerable, lowering your barriers. There is nothing that gives them more comfort than being together, holding hands and reassuring each other of their immovable love and affection. There is a strong loyalty and respect for each other's emotions. Your future spouse will be very affectionate and emotionally balanced, someone you know you can rely on and turn to when you're not feeling well. You both have a unique way of comforting and easing the tension of each other.
💞Juno sextile Mercury: You will experience a unique connection in which there will be someone who matches your mental energy, they understand well the humor, the way of thinking and the vision of the other and that leads you to feel fascinated with the other, not only as a couple but as a companion and friend. From the beginning you thought of each other as someone with whom you would like to have a more formal relationship. You love talking about your relationship both with each other and with other people.
💞Juno sextile Venus: Both will build their love, they will always be on that journey of loving each other more and navigating different forms of love. The love of this connection will not end, but it will transform into something purer and more meaningful, deeper. Both will constantly remind each other how important they are in each other's lives and how much they mean to it. Your partner will be elegant, he will treat you with respect and as if you were a king or queen. Romantic exclusivity, adoration between both and the sensation of finally belonging.
💞Juno sextile Mars: There is a strong admiration for each other's inner fire, for how strong and inspiring it seems to them. They share energy and support each other unconditionally to go after what they want. There is strong sexual chemistry. You do not decide to be with each other just out of love, but out of awareness that, before as a couple, as individuals your partner seems great to you. Your future spouse is someone who will act in tandem with you, will not leave you behind on plans and will always try to encourage and empower you, as well as remind you how incredible you are.
💞Juno sextile Jupiter: Your future spouse will fill you with details, gifts and a lot of love, they will try to give you the whole world. You both have the same hopes and dreams regarding your marriage and want to make sure that the other feels complete, seen and understood. Marriage will bring a glow up in all aspects of your life and you will feel happier and in tune with yourself. Both of you give importance to your values, there is enormous respect, appreciation, loyalty and dedication to the relationship and to the other.
💞Juno sextile Saturn: They see in each other a confidant, someone they can rely on and turn to in case of a rough day. Both strive for stability, so that the relationship is a space where the other feels safe, where neither of them lacks anything and, above all, where they feel supported when they feel that the weight of the world falls on them. They are not only there to celebrate the good, but to face the bad, together, cooperating, sharing and loving. Your future spouse is someone who solves, who supports you and gives you clarity and solidity when things are chaos.
💞Juno sextile Uranus: The day-to-day life between you is fun and varied, you love to surprise each other and you like to clear each other of the mundane and stress. There is a strong union but at the same time there is respect for the other's personal space. Both will connect wonderfully on a mental level and their personalities, although different, will make them fall more and more in love. They are fascinated by seeing the genuine and free side of the other. Your future spouse is a spontaneous, creative, autonomous and very intelligent person.
💞Juno sextile Neptune: The adoration you feel for each other is strong and will only expand more and more. You both dream of a future in which you grow old together, holding hands and feeling that same magic between you as at the beginning, and it does not remain in ideas or dreams, because you will work to maintain the charm and happiness between you. Your partner is gentle, understanding and has that quality of melting your heart with loving looks and caresses. They feel a genuine fascination and a very pure love for each other.
💞Juno sextile Pluto: You two think that the other is the perfect partner, you feel that you grow together and you help each other let go of everything that does not serve you just to make you recognize how much you deserve better things. Their relationship is based on a deep and understanding emotional connection in which they understand each other perfectly. They feel that with each other they are capable of anything, both individually and as a couple. Your future spouse is ambitious, loyal and can be quite observant, noticing the smallest details.
💞Juno opposition Sun: You are both very private with the relationship, you make sure that it’s just the two of you and that no one interferes and wants to decide for you. You and your future spouse are independent people who can show that you are fine without a relationship, however, behind that appearance, there are two people who were willing and eager to find someone to marry and form a loving and supportive relationship. When the doors close, you both focus fully on the other, on opening up this tender side of you that you only feel you can bring out with the other. Your personalities seem to soften and lighten when the other is around.
💞Juno opposition Moon: Opening up emotionally with others is usually difficult, but it is sometimes more difficult to accept that we want love and affection, that can happen to both of you in this relationship. It is always easy for them to take care of the other, to give them everything, but you two can feel that lump in your throats when the other does the same. That's what they want, to help the other understand that they also deserve that love, that it's okay to want and need affection and signs of affection. Being alone it is easier for them to flow and they usually leave displays of affection private, to let themselves go comfortably knowing that they are safe in each other's arms.
💞Juno opposition Mercury: Both are rather reserved, often just observing what is happening around them. They will prefer to talk about aspects of their relationship in private and keep things personal. It is crucial for both to reach mutual agreements in which each other's opinions, emotions and preferences are known. One or both of you may be insecure about talking about some things with the other, but encourage each other to create a safe space in which to express your opinions, differences, and thoughts. Both recognize the efforts that the other makes to make the relationship functional and stable.
💞Juno opposition Venus: This couple hides a romantic and splendid side that other people cannot imagine, when they are with each other the world seems to fade away, it is just the two of them and the immense love they have for each other. Opening up to love was not and was not an easy task for the other, but they do it worthy. Loving each other, even if it makes you leave your comfort zone, feels so good, so right and causes a flutter in your hearts. They have probably never had anything like this before, it is a new perception of love that allows them to explore the more committed and more serious sides as well.
💞Juno opposition Mars: Both are very decisive people when it comes to keeping or removing a person from their lives, the latter especially if you feel that they are disrespectful to you regarding your limits. One of the things you make sure of with this relationship is that, even if you tease each other, the limits are never crossed, that you can find a balance between being playful and the respect they have for each other. You don’t want to compete with each other, but rather work together to destroy any difficulties the relationship faces. One of you may have wanted to rush into making things official.
💞Juno opposition Jupiter: You are very different from each other, from points of view, personalities and backgrounds, and even despite this, you will feel very drawn to each other. They feel that they complement each other, that they connect despite their differences. They want to make the other feel understood and respected, that despite differences or disagreements, they can feel as loved as in good times. Both want to grow hand in hand with each other, learn from their partner and appreciate everything that makes them ‘them’. You will not seek to place expectations on the other, only to love them as they are.
💞Juno opposition Saturn: Many times you will want to deal with your burdens on your own, since relying has not been something very common for either of you, but both, because of perseverance, care and companionship, will want to be there for the other and not let them have the burdens crashing their shoulders. Words may not be the greatest strength of both, but it will be with meaningful and high-impact actions and gestures that your dedication and support will be shown. You will both enjoy doing small things that help build trust and, in turn, form a path towards a long-lasting and reliable relationship.
💞Juno opposition Uranus: You came into each other's lives when you least expected it and probably when you felt best being by yourselves. You two will completely change the perception that both had of long-term relationships after formalizing. Both will help each other get out of their comfort zone, you will support each other no matter the changes they go through individually. You will learn to balance the union of the relationship with their personal freedom. This relationship will not be what you imagined marriage would be like. Your open mindset will help you not see the differences between you as something that is an issue in maintaining the relationship.
💞Juno opposition Neptune: With your person it is likely that you will feel like you are in a dream, both of you have such a fluid and spiritual connection that it makes you feel instantly at ease. They both have the fear of ruining something that is beautiful, something that makes them feel so good, and that is why there is a strong dedication between them, being able to do a lot for the other, to love completely and let themselves be loved equally. Both of you may have a tendency to idealize each other a lot and, despite your flaws, see the other person as perfect for you. There is a lot of romance between you and you can feel safe with each other.
💞Juno opposition Pluto: They will open up little by little and show the other with significant gestures that it is okay to open up, to trust and take that leap of faith. Both will come into each other's lives to change the perception they have of relationships, the one that was clouded by the marks of a past that hurts to look at. An unwavering support and a strong couple whose love and devotion will grow more and more the more in contact they are with each other. The love they have for each other is something intense, and it does not fade at the slightest inconvenience, they will always work on the issues that arise.
💞Juno square Sun: Neither of you wants to lose yourselves in the relationship, you have probably seen this either in past experiences or from other people, but you want to avoid it at all costs when it comes to the other. With effort, dedication and perseverance you will support each other to work on the negative biases that other relationships have left in you. You two may have issues opening up at first, or confiding your insecurities in each other.
💞Juno square Moon: In this relationship, it may be difficult for you to open up emotionally to each other, as your experiences may have been difficult when it comes to connecting. Both have experienced before having issues connecting emotionally with others, feeling that in your relationships others did not care about your needs, and you want to avoid this at all costs with the other. You will put time, patience and dedication into making the relationship and marriage comfortable for you.
💞Juno square Mercury: You will both take a deep breath, hold each other's hands and listen to each other. You have experienced many times the feeling of not being heard and understood, and in this relationship despite the issues or differences that may arise, you will try to rely on heatlthy communication. Both seek to feel understood by the other, so you open yourselves to listening and trying to be as assertive as possible, even when there is anger or tense emotions involved.
💞Juno square Venus: Throughout your lives, both of you may have lost faith in being able to have a romantic connection that would lead to marriage, many times you saw that word as too far away. When you are together you will have the task of, with patience and gentleness, showing each other that you deserve that love that you denied yourselves to experience due to tense experiences of the past. Both will focus on ensuring that the other does not lack anything and that they feel as loved as they make them feel.
💞Juno square Mars: The desire to be together may be too much, so both of you will have to learn to take things slowly and not rush, but rather enjoy the stages of your relationship and marriage. You may have dealt with having partners who are just as dominant as you and that caused you to clash and have a tense environment. In their relationship together, after everything they have experienced, they make sure to respect each other, listen to each other and not fight to see who is right.
💞Juno square Jupiter: You both practice patience in order to create space for personal exploration and mutual growth as a couple. Regardless of the arguments or pronounced differences between you, you will try to have honest conversations about what you value, feel and think. Both seek to find common ground where both parties can give in, without one party giving more than the other. In this marriage, both seek to learn from the other and can adapt & learn to accept the other.
💞Juno square Saturn: They are both clear that if they want something long-term, they have to work for it every day, they have to make an effort and they have to do their part. You think very carefully before committing yourself precisely for this reason, and by choosing to spend your life together, you do so convinced that not everything will be fairy tales and perfection. You do not run away from problems or difficulties, you face them together with commitment and side by side.
💞Juno square Uranus: Both of you could feel in past relationships that you had to repress some things about yourself, thus defining that you would never let go of your individuality and remain loyal to who you are for any person. This couple seeks to ensure that their identity is respected in their marriage and that they are not judged, and in return they give the same to their partner. They both respect the relationship as much as their partner's alone time.
💞Juno square Neptune: There is a strong fear that everything is too beautiful to be true, to only wake up and see how everything is an illusion or see everything fall apart with a mistake. You and your partner, with love, devotion and a sincere dedication of your whole beings, want to show that it is worth taking that leap of faith, that you are safe with each other. Fear appears, but the decision of two hearts to reassure each other & protect each other, will never be so easily broken.
💞Juno square Pluto: Trust issues are a burden that you have been carrying since the past, both fear giving yourselves over to someone who will end up betraying you. When you look into each other's eyes, you see a reflection of that fear, but you also see someone for whom it is worth embarking on an adventure. As time passes, you will delve into the layers beneath each other, staying side by side no matter the difficulties you both embark on.
#juno#natal chart#birth chart#astrology#juno in the natal chart#juno aspects#aspects of juno#astro content#sun#moon#venus#mercury#jupiter#mars#uranus#saturn#pluto#neptune
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I keep thinking about all of the disabled activists and people before me who stranded themselves on the 4th floor of buildings for weeks and crawled up stairs and fought with airline staff and schools and doctors and refused to stop existing in the face of injustice and bigotry no matter how big and scary and hopeless it seemed. Every time I get angry and scared the protests that lead to the creation of the ADA pop up again and remind me that disabled people are so much fucking stronger than anyone has ever given us credit for, and I can't help but be proud of that. And I know not all disabled people feel like we should take pride in our disabilities and have flags or whatever, but I think not just living, but thriving, in spite of a world that wants us dead and gone, in the face of both illness and persecution, and how we've not only bought ourselves forward, but uplifted the disabled people around us, secured more equal futures for everyone who will come after, and truly changed the way so many abled people have seen us for the better is something to be damn fucking proud of.
We have always been here and we always will be, there will never be a world without disabled people because being disabled is not bad, it's a natural part of the human experience and yeah it sucks some times but even when it sucks we have fought to build beautiful, unique, happy lives with people, both like us and not, and that should be celebrated.
The first sign of human civilization is the healed femur. The body of the profoundly disabled person who would have needed help to even just eat being carefully laid to rest after decades of a full, happy life. The medicinal plants showing even before we were entirely human we were doing what we could to not just survive, but alleviate suffering while we're at it. Above everything, evolution selected not the baby who can walk and eat and be quiet, but the one that can ask for help.
Disabled people are not just angry cockroach motherfuckers who refuse to die, we are proof of humanity's HUMANITY. Proof that natural selection selected a species that takes care of each other. From healed femurs and medicinal plants to vaccines and IVs and insulin to now, we are driven to help one another, we are at our strongest when we don't leave our most vulnerable behind. And I am living proof of that. My mother is living proof of that. Every disabled and chronically and/or mentally ill person I know is living proof of that.
And I don't know about the rest of you, but will carry that shred of humanity's true nature inside me like it's my fucking soul. I am scared and angry and hurt, but I have a lifetime's experience being scared and angry, and I can shake off the kind of pain that would make Atlas crumble to dust like it's nothing but a stiff fucking breeze. Disabled people have always been here, turning fear and anger and pain into joy and beauty and connection, and I'm not going to let everyone who came before me down. I'm not going to give up. Not now, not ever.
It's okay if you're disabled and you've hit your limit, you're too scared and tired and hurt, I won't blame you. But I won't abandon you, either. I might not be able to right all of the wrongs in the world, but I'll be strong, I'll carry all of you with me, I will not give up.
As I've said before, society hates a cripple who won't die, so we must spite them and live anyway.
Please, live anyway. I know if anyone can, it's us.
#there that's my thesis about all this hope it helps#abled people can reblog this btw#pls support the disabled people in your lives they need you#us politics#us election#just for the blacklist#current events#cripple punk#cpunk#disabled#disability justice#disabled liberation
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indulge me? — gojo satoru
synopsis you and gojo go on an overnight mission and it goes wrong in every way
contents so. much. pining. (2.8k words of it!?), one bed trope, whipped!gojo, ooc gojo, completely self indulgent, a lot of cardiovascular talk, they’re first years in this!
notes first time i’ve written in AGES. sorry :3 ps this is a little snippet from a satosugu x reader series im thinking about starting. thoughts?
(edit: i wrote a part ii)
Gojo Satoru was born blessed. From birth and to death he will always be honored. It wasn't his fault that the Heavens delighted in him. So when Yaga had announced that he and you would be sharing an overnight mission to Kyushu, he nearly leapt in joy (lucky him)!
You, on the other hand, were less than thrilled to find out that you were going to be traveling alone with Gojo Satoru. For two whole days. It was a death sentence.
“Make sure to text me, so I know you're not dead.” Shoko looks between you and Gojo. Either your head will implode as a result of Gojo, or he is gonna be on the receiving end of your wrath. Shoko can’t wait to see which.
“Do take pictures, I heard the onsens there are incredible.” Suguru slyly adds. Satoru perks up at his comment. The two of them share a knowing look before Gojo speaks up.
“Wanna take a dip with me once we get there, [Name]?” He looks into your eyes, his lips are quirked upwards like he’s up to no good (which he is). “I promise I won’t take a peek!” He winks.
“Keep fantasizing, Gojo.”
“Oh I will.” He hums happily. The smile on his lips is kind of cute, you decide. Just a little.
— — — — — — —
Kurokawa, you come to find out is a very small town in Kyushu. So when people start to go missing, the entire town falls into shambles. Before your trip, Yaga had made it known the enemy you’d be facing.
“A common denominator of the missing persons is that they were all young women.” He had warned you and Gojo. “It’s an unidentified curse, but I trust that the two of you will be able to handle it.”
Three missing girls. All under the age of 25. Two of which were locals, one being a tourist.
The moment you arrive on the island of Kyushu, your guard is higher than ever. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Gojo.
“Don’t tell me you’re scared of some horny curse,” He looks down at you as the two of you make your way down a small street to your ryokan. Kurokawa was a traditional town, its pride resting on the old culture causing it to be untouched by modern architecture.
Unamused by his nonchalant attitude, you decide to ignore his vulgar comment, “What grade curse do you think we’re up against?”
He makes a noise to show that he’s thinking. “Does it really matter? It’ll be no match for me either way.”
You roll your eyes, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, we still have to figure out what happened to the victims.”
“I don’t see why that’s necessary, but okay.” Your snow haired peer dismisses. It makes you a bit envious that he doesn’t have to ever feel fear for his life. Must be nice.
The two of you arrived at your designated ryokan soon enough, it was a small town after all. Gojo leads the way with you following right after. You can’t discern any cursed energy in the building, but you still make a mental note to ask Gojo about it after you both are situated.
An elderly lady in an orange kimono stood behind the desk, smiling at you and you returned it back happily.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen a young couple here.” She says. That’s right, with the recent disappearance of young girls, there would be a sudden decrease of tourism around this part of town. “You certainly are a beautiful match!”
You gratefully accept her compliment, “Thank you, but we’re not–”
“Thanks granny!” Gojo wraps a strong arm around your shoulder. “I don’t know how I even managed to win her over!” There’s a wide grin on his face that makes your eye twitch. Leave it to him to tell people the two of you were together. Not only that but he totally disrespected the old lady with his informal talk!
“Unhand me, you!” You forcefully whisper at him, while trying to unwrap yourself from his hold. His arm does not budge even as you try to push it off. What the hell is this boy eating? Gojo chuckles with the old lady while you struggle.
“My, the two of you remind me so much of my husband and I in the days of our youth,” She sighs dreamily. Her age must be interfering with her memory because there was nothing inherently romantic going on between you and Gojo. “How long will you be staying here?”
“Only one night,” Gojo decides that he has tormented you enough and lets you go. He slides her his card and she pulls out something from the old wooden counter she stands behind.
A single key.
Your eyes bug out. Gojo’s eyebrows raise. You laugh nervously, face feeling warmer than it was thirty seconds ago.
“There must have been a misunderstanding. We need two rooms, ma’am.” You hold up two fingers to emphasize your point.
The smile on the old woman’s face falls, “I’m afraid I cannot do that.” Your jaw drops.
“Huh? Why not?” You press on further. Surely they could not have been booked out of all of their rooms. Tourism is at an all time low after the strange disappearances.
“I’m sure you’ve heard of the strange disappearances in the area. It’s a miracle the two of you have even decided to stay here, which I am very grateful for. That is why I must repay you back by ensuring your safety. Otherwise I must ask you to leave and stay in the next town because I will not allow you to endanger yourself so carelessly.”
You blink. Neighboring town? That was hours away. The curse was here in Kurokawa. You can’t afford to jeopardize a mission just because of your own feelings.
Gojo’s hand is halfway to the key, but he waits for your approval. You sigh.
“It’s fine, we can do one. Thank you.” You bow your head. She smiled apologetically as she handed Gojo the key. Gojo, unbothered by the revelation, whistles happily as the lady leads the way to your suite.
— — — — — — —
operation satoru x [name]!!!!
Gojosatowu added getosugu, shoko.ieiri
Gojosatowu You wont believe it!!! shoko.ieiri What the hell is this gc And what the hell is Operation satoru x [name]? getosugu how come [name] isn’t in this? Gojosatowu Ladies, ladies, one question at a time please getosugu Expect a forehead flick for that comment shoko.ieiri Stfu and just answer the questions Gojosatowu alright alright [name] and i are sharing a room in kyushu!! i may come out of this mission a changed man. shoko.ieiri someone make sure [name] is still alive and well Gojosatowu I dont appreciate your lack of faith in me >:( shoko.ieiri Keep a six feet distance from her at all times perv Gojosatowu I might have to for my own sanity. What do you think she wears to bed? shoko.ieiri You disgust me sometimes getosugu Only sometimes? shoko.ieiri Let me correct myself. You disgust me. Gojosatowu Im feeling the love :(
“What are you giggling to yourself about?” You place a hand on your hips as you watch Gojo smile at his flip phone.
“Oh don’t you worry about it,” He closes it. Weird. “What’s the living situation?”
You sigh. “Despite its traditional arrangement, there is a bed.”
Gojo perks up. “Yeesh I’m glad! If I had to sleep on the floor my back would be all sore right on a mission. Y'know how annoying that is?”
You suck your teeth. “Allow me to rephrase myself. There is only one bed.”
There is an awful silence in the room, save for your erratically beating heart. Of course the old woman decided to place you in a couple’s suite.
“Heh.” Gojo chortles happily. “Wow, this must be a divine sign from God Himself. I mean, who are we to ignore this?”
“Don’t start,” You hold out an accusatory finger at him. “I’m gonna go request an extra futon.”
He pouts, “Don’t be like that, sharing a bed with me can’t be that bad.”
“I’m willing to bet otherwise.” You walk past him. The white haired boy watches you go like a sad puppy.
— — — — — — —
You took your time getting an extra futon, using it as an excuse to get all of the nervousness out of your system of sharing the same room as Gojo Satoru. Sharing a room with a boy was already bad enough, but Gojo? Your heart skipped a beat (out of nervousness, you insist!).
By the time you make it back to the room, the lights are out. You assume that Gojo decided to go to sleep early. You don’t blame him. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day of hunting for the curse rampaging Kurokawa.
The only light source in the room is coming from the bathroom. You sigh. The idiot must’ve forgotten to turn it off. Nonetheless, you were gonna go get unready either way so you make your way to the half open door.
On the sink is a complimentary toothbrush that you help yourself to. You apply some paste and–
There is a sound of something sliding shut from behind you. You look up at the mirror. Standing behind you was Gojo. Wet. And naked.
“Oh my gosh!” You spit out your toothpaste and ran out of the room. How did you fail to see that Gojo was in the restroom? You blame it on the sliding doors separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom. Oh my gosh. Your face feels like it’s on fire. He has a six pack. And why does his stupid hair look like that when it's wet? Your heart was beating at an abnormal rate. This is so inappropriate.
Shortly after your freakout, Gojo steps out of the bathroom. There was no way you could face him now.
“Aw, don't be so shy now. It’s not like this will be the last time you’ll see me like this.” Gojo stands in the doorway. There is a towel wrapped around his waist, still leaving him indecent in your eyes.
“I don’t like what you’re insinuating Gojo! And lock the door when you’re in the restroom you creep!” You look anywhere but him.
“Hey, it wasn’t my fault, was it? You were taking so long I thought you left me here alone.” You can practically hear him pouting. “Either way, you were the one checking me out.”
Your eyes widen, “I was not checking you out! Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Don’t feel ashamed, this can all be yours,” He gestures down to his body.
“You freak.” you blanch.
He winks at you.
This was going to be a long night.
— — — — — — —
It takes you about half an hour to calm down from the bathroom catastrophe. By now, you’re situated in your futon while Gojo is tucked on the bed. If you had to guess, it’d be nearing midnight around now. You just need to close your eyes and get some sleep before your mission tomorrow.
Except you can’t sleep.
Every time you close your eyes, your mind betrays you and an image of Gojo post shower illustrates itself in your mind. And it doesn’t help that he sleeps shirtless. You seriously need your mind cleansed.
That wasn’t your only issue. The room was sub zero. Who knew traditional ryokans had such advanced air conditioning systems? All you could hear was the air conditioning machine overworking itself. You could even argue that it was colder than Shoko’s morgue. And your sleep shirt and shorts were doing little to help insulate you.
“Wanna come cuddle with me?” The last person you wanted to hear from breaks the silence. You pretend to be asleep. “I know you’re not asleep! My six eyes tell me that you’re shivering.” Busted.
“I am not cuddling with you.” You stare at the ceiling above you, arms crossed. How could he even propose such an idea? Has he no shame?
“Well I can’t face the old granny here if my girlfriend ends up dead by freezing!”
“I am not your girlfriend, Gojo. Nor will I die.”
“That’s not what she thinks. Plus we have a mission tomorrow, so I can’t have you getting sick on me now.”
“I’ll be fine, Gojo. Now go to sleep.”
“I run hot when I sleep, y’know. Let me be your personal heater.” You don’t have to see his face to know that he’s grinning.
“I refuse.”
“Well I refuse your refusal.”
You blink.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Now c'mon,” He pats the spot next to him. “I’ll even make a wall in between us.”
You hear the bedsheets shuffle and you have to sit up to see that Gojo was stacking two pillows in the middle of the bed to prove his point. You’re nearly certain that the only thing you’ll be catching soon is a headache if you keep up with his antics. It was a tempting offer, one that you would surely accept if it wasn’t Gojo Satoru.
“Gojo, I—”
“...Please?” His voice is softer than you have ever heard it. It was unfair how Gojo was making it harder and harder to reject his offer.
A silent moment passes by.
“...Fine,” You reluctantly get up from your pathetic excuse of a futon. “But no funny business!” You warn him.
You see Gojo perk up from the bed. He looks at you with expectant eyes, “You got it!” He gives you a thumbs up.
Whatever. If Gojo knew what was best for him, he wouldn’t try anything. You take in a deep breath before turning to face the opposite direction of where Gojo laid.
“Good night [Name],” You hear Gojo whisper. You sigh.
“Yeah, yeah, goodnight Gojo.”
Eyes closed, you pray a silent prayer that everything will be fine for the remainder of the mission.
— — — — — — —
Ever since Gojo was young, his body has been used to getting little amounts of sleep. Unsurprisingly, that caused him to have a natural alarm. It was always annoying whenever he woke up at the crack of dawn on a day when he didn't need to, but luckily for him, today it proved to be a blessing. There was an unfamiliar warmth radiating onto his body. Satoru opens his eyes.
He thinks he feels all of his six eyes widen when he feels himself wrapped around another body.
There you were, in all your beauty, lying fast asleep. In his embrace. Soft snores were escaping your mouth and there were stray hairs in your face. Did he mention how beautiful you looked sleeping? He might have to ask Shoko about heart disease because of how fast his heart was beating.
Unfortunately for him, you also seemed to be drifting away from dreamland and back to reality. Your eyes flutter and your eyebrows furrow. Gojo takes this to his advantage and does the worst thing he can think of; pretend to be asleep.
When you wake up, your mind is still hazy from the good night’s rest you had gotten, but not hazy enough to realize that your body was tangled with another’s. And you’re pretty sure the pillow you had been laying on last night was not this hard. You try to delude yourself into believing that this is all a dream, but the effects of your sleep were fading.
It takes all the strength in you to summon the courage to open your eyes. To your horror, you were firmly wrapped in Gojo’s arms and your legs were intertwined.
“What the hell?” You pull yourself away from him. On the floor below the bed laid the two pillows that Gojo had set up as a makeshift wall. You stare at them utter shock.
“No, don’t go, I’ll freeze to death,” Gojo whines, miraculously waking up. You glare at him.
“Explain to me what just happened or I swear Gojo, I’m going to–” You try to threaten him, but you can’t seem to formulate anything.
Unlike you, Gojo looked unbothered by the sudden turn of events. He even looked pleased. There was a lopsided smile on his face as he sighed, “What can I say, I guess you subconsciously want me after all.”
"I do not—"
“But if I had to guess, I’d say the room got too cold and we most likely cuddled for warmth unconsciously.” He shrugs it off like it was no big deal. You note that his hair is tousled from the night before.
You leave the warm bed you and Gojo had made. His theory was probably true, meaning it was neither of your faults. You purse your lips.
“I suppose that makes sense. I apologize for overreacting, I guess I was under the impression that we had done something lewd last night.” With that comment, you make your way to the bathroom to freshen up both your mind and body.
You don’t end up seeing how red Gojo’s face got. It was foreign to feel all the blood rising to his cheeks. He takes one of his hands to slap it over his eyes before chuckling to himself. Yeah, he definitely knows why he likes you.
All of a sudden Gojo feels like he’s on top of the world. For you, it was just a moment of weakness.
┊⋆。˚. ੈ ┊
Extra notes:
gojo wished he and you got to go to the onsen together.
gojo also regretted not taking a photo of you sleeping soundly in his arms. it would’ve been his new wallpaper.
for the remainder of the trip, gojo was at an all time high, successfully locating and exorcising the curse in less than an hour.
#i’d like to think they had a meet ugly that made him fall head over heels for [name]#[name] also believes her sole purpose on this earth is to humble him hehe#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojou satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#gojou satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#gojou satoru x y/n#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#kt.writes.·:*¨༺#i feel like i didnt make gojo mean enough. maybe next time#remember spring days!au
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Text
The Unbearable Truth
pairing: Five Hargreeves x reader
warnings: angst with no happy ending, spoilers
notes: so i actually hated this storyline in the show but i also recognize angst potential when i see it so here’s this
summary: after getting lost in the subway system, Five comes to a grave realization
Five Hargreeves doesn’t love you anymore, and you’re completely oblivious to the fact.
You’re in the kitchen of Lila’s home baking holiday treats with your niece while awaiting the arrival of the rest of your family to begin the festivities. You smell of cinnamon and pinecones, and for the first time in years you actually feel content and happy with where your life is now. Sure, there’s technically a looming apocalypse hanging over you right now, but it’s nothing you haven’t handled before. You’re actually part of a family now with a man who adores you, and it’s all you’ve ever wanted.
“Alright, Grace, would you like to do the honors of putting the gumdrop buttons on the gingerbread men while I check on the sugar cookies?”
“Yes, aunt y/n!” The girl exclaims cheerfully before immediately diving into the candy bowl. You laugh at her eagerness and turn towards the oven only to be met with the sight of Five in the kitchen doorway. He looks disheveled and unnerved, but you’re too engrossed in your own joy filled bubble to pick up on it right away and instead mistake him for being tired and overwhelmed with the situation surrounding Ben and Jennifer.
“Hey, you made it!” You say with a smile as you press a chaste kiss to his cheek before turning your attention to the sugar cookies. Five can only stand there stiffly as he clings onto the ghost of your lips against his skin. He had hoped that by seeing you again, by being in your presence and showered in your love for him, the feelings he once held for you would return.
But as he stands there in the middle of the kitchen watching you run about, he realizes that he feels absolutely nothing.
Initially, he had wanted nothing more than to return home to you and his siblings. Five had fought tooth and nail trying to figure out a way to get out of that damned subway system so he could have you in his arms again and tell you how much he missed you even if for you he had only been gone a couple hours. But a man could only take eating so many subway rats and being shot at so many times. He had grown tired, weary, and depressed. For a moment it seemed they’d be stuck there forever, and so he decided that maybe it was time to make the most of it.
What he didn’t expect was to fall in love with his brother’s wife.
A woman he had once hated with his entire being now was his sole companion, and whether it was due to some sick twist of fate or a moment of weakness, he had begun to look at her the way he once looked at you. With complete adoration and care as well as a fierce need to protect her and keep her safe. He knew the chances of ever seeing you again were highly unlikely, and the next logical step would be to move on. So he did.
But now here he is, back in his original timeline left to deal with the aftermath of his decisions.
In what was seven years for Five and three hours for you, the boy has fallen out of love with you. Your smile still may be as beautiful as ever and your scent of red berry plum and jasmine may be intoxicating to any other man, but he feels absolutely nothing when he looks at you. The spark is gone, and unbeknownst to you your relationship is about to fall apart.
“Where did you run off to?” You ask him after setting the freshly baked sugar cookies onto the cooling rack nearby.
“I had an… errand to run,” he utters carefully, growing stiff when you wrap your arms around his torso and rest your head upon his shoulder. Calculatingly, Five hesitantly rests a hand on your back while the other comes to comb his fingers through your hair. It’s a familiar motion that he is easily able to replicate in order to portray himself as the same doting partner you know and love. Lila had sworn him to secrecy, but he wasn’t sure just how to break it off with you without telling the truth. So for now he would go through the motions and hope to god you didn’t pick up on the fact that something was completely wrong.
“I’m happy you’re here,” you profess earnestly, peering up at him with fluttering lashes and a devoted smile. “I love you, Five.”
His chest tightens in agony at your words, his hold on you tightening in an attempt to ground himself as he harshly swallows down his discomfort. He meets your adoring gaze and smiles, carefully tilting your chin upwards to meet his lips in a tender kiss. It’s believable enough to keep you feeling secure and oblivious to his detachment, and he hopes that maybe if he keeps this up he can forget all about Lila and go back to normal.
Even if it means he’s just playing a part.
Pulling away, he meets your loving stare and offers you a small smile. Hesitating, as if he has to force the words out of him, Five murmurs out a quiet, “I love you, too.”
And you believe him.
#the umbrella academy#five hargreeves#number five#five hargreeves x reader#five hargreeves imagine#number five x reader#number five imagine#tua#tua x reader#tua imagine#tua spoilers#angst
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