#to be fair there were like 4-5 months where I was playing wow every night so i never even looked at it

[jacobglaser]

I really wanna make some gifs but my brain is absolute mush after this week so instead I'm cross-stitching and watching abbott elementary with a glass of wine ✌️

[futurebicon]

Family Skate Through The Years

2021

“Heads” Sirius called like always. Dumo called tails.

“Heads” Finn announced as he turned over the coin in his hand. “Siri-”

“Remus” Sirius chose before Finn could finish talking.

“No!” Dumo shouted.

“Sorry Pascal, but he’s my boyfriend” Sirius smirked, kissing Remus when he skated over.

“Kasey” Dumo chose.

“Good, Loops can beat him again”

“I’m not letting him score this year” Kasey demanded.

“James” Sirius picked.

Remus got 2 goals. Each time pissing Kasey off more and more. He was skating down the ice beside Sirius, waiting for a pass. 

Sirius passed it to him, letting him score with ease for the third time. Sirius skated over and pulled their helmets off, kissing him hard as Kasey continued to yell that it wasn’t fair.

2022

“Heads”

“Tails”

“Tails”

“No” Sirius stomped his skate against the ice.

“Sorry Cap. I’m stealing your fiancé” Dumo patted him on the shoulder.

“Se dévisser“ Sirius shrugged him off. 

“Sorry baby” Remus kissed the pout off his face before going over to Dumos side.

Dumos team won. Sirius had chosen Kasey, Dumo had let him. His anger had become a new tradition. 

“Good job baby” Remus kissed him.

“You too, l’amour”

“You got the venue yet?” Lily asked them as they ate.

“No” They both answered.

“Why not” she whined.

“Because it’s stupid.” Sirius said as he shoved cake into his mouth. Remus nodded in agreement.

“What’s stupid?” James asked as the rest of the team came over.

“These two think it’s stupid to pick a place to get married at”

“What?” Everyone let out sounds of confusion.

“We didn’t say that” Remus rolled his eyes. “We just think it’s stupid to make a big deal out of it.”

“Lily, you and I are taking over wedding planning. Nat and Dumo you’re helping too” Celeste announced. Those named nodded in agreement.

“But it’s where you’ll get married. That’s a big deal” Finn pointed his fork at them.

“Fine, we’ll pick a place.” Sirius said. “Kasey pick a place.”

“The Zoo”

“Perfect, our weddings at the zoo. See, settled.” Remus nodded. 

“No” Dumo told them.

“Olli pick a place” Remus called down the table.

“Here” 

“Great idea” Sirius clapped his hands together. 

“That’s actually a pretty good idea. You’ve already picked your best mans. And your ring bearer and flower girls.” Nat nodded.

“See, done” Remus took a bite of cake.

“Oh my god” Dumo put his head in his hands and shook his head.

“Wait so it’s not at the zoo?” Kasey asked.

“No babe”

“Aww man”

2023

“Heads” Dumo called out before Sirius could call it.

“No” Sirius scowled. 

“Tails” Finn told them.

“Haha, thank you Dumo” Sirius smirked. “Re” 

Remus skated over and kissed his husband before standing behind him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Picking all of the newly engaged Cubs. 

Remus got 4 goals under Kasey this year. 

“C'est quoi ce bordel“ He shouted after the fourth one went in the net. “No, no, no” He groaned. 

“4 goals? Damn” Sirius smiled.

“Think it’s newly weds luck?” Remus smirked. 

“Hmm, probably” Sirius kissed him. 

The wedding had been 2 weeks ago, they wanted to get married quickly and would go on their honeymoon in the offseason.

2024

“Fizzy” Sirius called over to the bench. “Heads or tails?” He asked his 2 year old daughter, Felicity.

“Tails” she shouted with a giggle.

“Tails” Finn turned over the quarter.

“Thank you Fizzy” Sirius smiled at her. “Re”

“You’ve gotten him for 2 years in a row.” Dumo whined. “Let me have him”

“He’s my husband, Dumo. Too bad”

Dumo rolled his eyes.

Remus got 2 goals in. Dumos team got 1.

“Good job, baby” Remus kissed him with a smile, keeping up with tradition.”

“Good job Daddy ‘n Papa” Felicity clapped as she skated a little wobbly over to them. Even though they had only adopted her at the beginning of the year she fell in love with skating and made Sher parents teach her every night for months.

“Thank you Fizzy” Remus scooped her up. Kissing her cheek as he tickled her stomach, causing her to shriek with laughter.

Sirius smiled at his little family and pecked Remus’s lips.

“Fizzy, no.” Sirius pulled her hand away as she tried to reach for her cake. “I know it’s good but you have to eat your lunch first.”

She whined but ate the bite of ham Sirius held in front of her as she sat in his lap.

“You guys any closer to have one of these soon?” Remus asked the newly wedded Cubs as he ruffled his daughters brown hair.

“Trying too. But, you know it’s pretty hard when you’re gay and being poly doesn’t help at all. Plus with our schedule with games and practices...” Logan trailed off sadly.

Leo kissed his temple as Finn squeezed his hand. Logan loves kids and the team knew how much he wanted a few of his own.

The team hated that they had told them they actually started the adoption process while they were engaged so that they could adopt a kid very soon after they got married but haven’t gotten anywhere with it.

“If any agency’s reject you they’ll be attacked by the best team in the NHL and their fans” Sirius told them. It had happened when they were going through the adoption process and were rejected for ‘being sinners’ as the rejection paper told them.

“You’ll have a kid of your own soon enough” Remus promised.

“New friend?” Fizzy gasped with a wide smile as she picked on bits and peices of the conversation.

“Yeah, Fiz. You’ll have a new friend soon” Finn told her. All of them smiling at her innocence as she cheered and took a final bite of mac-and-cheese.

“Cake now?” She asked Sirius with puppy eyes.

“Yes you can have cake now” Sirius smiled as he kissed her cheek.

2025

“Heads” Sirius called out.

“Tails” Finn smirked.

“Haha, Remus” Dumo chose.

Remus kissed him. “Should of stuck with Fizzy’s answer” he smirked, earning an eye roll from his husband.

“Kasey” Sirius picked.

“I’m not letting him score this year.”

“You’ve been saying that for the last 5 years babe” Nat kissed his cheek.

“Well I mean it this year.”

He didn’t mean it, Remus got 2 goals in.

“Yay” Fizzy cheered as her and her basically cousins skated out onto the ice to congratulate or comfort their parents.

4 year old Harry was scooped up by Lily and laughed at James who was pouting at his lose.

Jay, the Cubs 2 year old son was scooped up by Logan and kissed on the cheek by Finn and Leo. Jay clapped at their win.

“It’s so sad” Dumo sighed at lunch.

“What is?” Remus asked as he took a bite of salad.

“Sirius was that closed off stern faced 18 year old skating God that feels like my son. You were that PT that came out of nowhere that we really didn’t know much about but then the team all just kind of accepted as one of our own. Logan was a loud, obnoxious rookie that we all still loved, living in my basement and who is also like a son to me. Finn was the red haired semi nerdy boy who screamed and punched the air when Logan was drafted to the Lions. Leo was the tallest rookie I’d ever seen, a little shy but still fun to be a round. And James was- still is the loud, insane, mind of a 5 year old player.” He said.

“And now I look around and all of you have kids and are married to the loves of your lives” Everyone was crying at the words.

“And it just makes me feel really fucking old” he sighed.

“Oh my god Dumo.” Logan laughed as he wiped his tears away.

“You give this tear jerking long speech about us just to end it by saying it only makes you sad because it makes you feel old? Wow glad to see you have your priorities straight, Pascal” Sirius shook his head.

“I does” he laughed.

“It is crazy though” Finn sighed.

“Did you two think 8 years ago that this would be your life?” Lily asked Sirius and Remus. “Best player in the NHL with a team that’s your family. First openly gay couple in the NHL. Married to the teams PT and teams Captain. And have an adorable daughter?”

“God no, never in a million years.” Sirius’s smiled at his husband and daughter. Kissing Remus and then their daughters head.

“And you three” She looked at the Cubs. “Ever think that you’d be playing for one of the best teams in the NHL. “Married to 2 people. One of them the man that you loved for 8 years but never said anything. And have an adorable son.”

“Never” Finn smiled kissing both his husbands and son like Sirius had done.

“Okay. Enough of the sappy stuff.” Celeste said a few seconds later, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Who wants cake?”

This is longer then I planned but I like how it turned out.

@lumosinlove

[litwitlady]

Date Nights (5/5)

Read on Ao3.

Alex wakes up on Christmas morning at 4 am, unable to fall back asleep due to a mixture of nerves and excitement. Sliding out of bed slowly, he tucks the duvet around Michael and pulls on sweatpants as quietly as possible before heading into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.

While the coffee maker works, he plugs in the Christmas tree and the garland over the mantle, admiring the twinkling lights and carefully chosen ornaments. For Christmas this year, they’d gathered with their friends and family early and exchanged ornaments. Liz’s gift had been a cowboy alien, glow in the dark and bearing no resemblance at all to Michael. Rosa’s had been a beautiful glass bulb she’d hand-painted with the cosmos. Kyle’s a simple wood-carved Merry Christmas. Rosa had gotten a hold of it and painted it with various iconography of the holidays - lights, Santa hats, and reindeer faces.

Max’s had been a collection of simple red Christmas bells, their jingle light and tinkling whenever either of them accidentally bumped into the tree. Isobel’s expensive and crystal - a star with swirls that reminded everyone of the console tech in Michael’s bunker. Maria had given them a giant, purple eggplant ornament as a joke, but they’d still hung it on the tree anyway. Smiling fondly every time their eyes landed on it. She’d followed the joke with a gorgeous, brightly-beaded patchwork that she said reminded her of how she felt when their love bled over into her sight - colorful, lacking definition, and like the calm that only comes after the storm.

Michael and Alex had chosen the rest themselves. A mixture of whimsy and classic Christmas. It was hodgepodge and lacked any real thematic structure, but it was also beautiful, filled with love, and theirs.

Back in the kitchen, Alex hops up on the corner of the counter and sips at his coffee. He had planned to let Michael sleep in for once, to cook him breakfast and spend the rest of the day either in bed or wrapped in a blanket on the couch. Keeping his gift for Michael a secret until sunset. But that’s not going to happen. He’s too keyed up. Too anxious to wait.

Pouring a second cup, he heads into the bedroom and sets the coffee on Michael’s nightstand. He finishes getting dressed so that it’s less likely Michael will be able to seduce him back into bed, and then gently shakes him awake. It’s not even 5 am yet so he’s not surprised when Michael mildly panics at being woken up while it’s still dark outside. ‘What’s wrong?’ He reaches out to palm at Alex, needing to make sure he’s okay.

‘Nothing’s wrong, but I need you to wake up.’

Michael’s eyes crack open and he blinks away the sleep before responding. ‘What? Why? We were going to sleep in.’ His voice is soft and groggy.

Alex grabs the coffee and hands it to him, hoping the warm drink will lure him into a sitting position. ‘I know, but I’m too excited to wait. I want to give you your Christmas present right now.’

It works. Michael sits up to sip his coffee and stare at Alex skeptically. ‘You’re making me nervous. You’ve got that look Isobel gets when she’s about to do something she loves but everyone else hates.’

‘Wow, Guerin. And to think I was going to scramble eggs while you showered.’

‘I’m much rather you join me. Eggs can wait.’ He slides his hand very suggestively up Alex’s thigh but gets his hand lightly slapped before he can do any real damage.

‘Nope. I’m not letting you get me naked. Not yet anyway. Now, go get ready.’

‘Okay. Now I’m definitely worried. When have you ever turned down sex? I can’t recall a single time.’ Alex swats his ass as he heads toward the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Michael pads into the kitchen where Alex hands him a bowl of scrambled eggs smothered with melted cheese and freshly chopped chives. ‘Eat fast.’ Alex’s own bowl is already half empty.

He only takes a couple of careful bites. Not because the eggs aren’t good - they’re great. It’s just that Alex is not the big gesture type, and Michael’s not great at receiving gifts of any kind, large or small.

‘Alex?’ He doesn’t know how to ask what he’s about to ask.

‘Hmm?’ He’s finished his breakfast. Sitting on the counter, phone in hand. Probably texting all their friends Merry Christmas.

Michael takes a steadying breath. ‘This isn’t...I mean, this gift isn’t...a proposal, right?’ The thing is he’s racked his brain two days trying to figure out what Alex has been so anxious about. Two days of his brain circling back to this conclusion every time. A proposal. Some giant gesture. Something so unlike Alex.

And to be honest, the idea of marrying Alex isn’t what makes him nervous. It’s the idea that Alex is only doing this because he thinks that’s what Michael wants him to do or needs him to do or some reason equally as unsatisfying. Because Alex’s meticulous, risk assessing brain cannot possibly think getting engaged so soon is a good idea.

The look on Alex’s face is hard to read. He’s tucked his phone back into his pocket and his lips have thinned like he’s trying to smile but forgot how. When he finally speaks his voice is low. Undeniably sad. ‘No, Michael. It’s not a proposal. Not really. But I guess you could say it’s not not a proposal.’

Alex slides gingerly off the counter, landing on his left foot and unable to meet Michael’s eye. That’s when he knows he’s messed up.

‘I didn’t mean anything by that. I just don’t want you to feel pressured to do something you aren’t ready for yet.’

‘You still doubt me. That’s fair.’ He rinses his bowl in the sink, keeping his back turned. ‘Well, it’s a good thing I hadn’t planned to propose then. Maybe we should just head to the Pony instead. Help Maria set up the charity lunch.’ There’s a tremble in his voice that Michael hates.

Alex starts to walk past him, but Michael grabs his elbow, spinning him back around. ‘Hey. Hey, hey, hey. I don’t doubt that you want this as much as I do. But I do think you’d ignore your own feelings to put mine first. I want us to be on the same page. That’s all.’

Tears burn at the corner of Alex’s eyes. Michael reaches his hand up to brush them away, but Alex takes several steps back, swiping at them with the back of his hands. ‘You’re right. I don’t make big gestures. They terrify me. This terrifies me - that I did this thing without your permission. So I’ve been a nervous wreck for weeks. Worried that you would say no or laugh or something else you would never do but that my brain wouldn’t shut up about. And now, I’m pretty sure I messed up. Let’s just forget about it and go help Maria.’

He leaves the kitchen, grabbing his coat off the dining room table. Michael doesn’t move until he hears the front door open and close. The door slams shut hard enough that the windows rattle over Alex’s keyboard, and Michael’s knuckles whiten as he grips the countertop.

This scene an all too familiar memory. Emotions high and Alex skittering away.

Taking a deep breath, he tells himself no. This is different. They are different.

Alex hasn’t run away. He’s just outside waiting, getting some fresh air and calming down. Clearing his head. Because that’s what they do now. They take breaks when needed, but there’s no running.

Michael stuffs his feet inside his boots and drops his hat on his head, coat in his hand. He finds Alex exactly where he expects to, huddled inside his Explorer and the engine already running. When he opens the passenger side door, Alex even manages a weak smile. ‘Sorry.’

‘No sorrys.’ He buckles his seatbelt and reaches across to squeeze Alex’s thigh. ‘We have plenty of time to help Maria. I want my gift.’

Alex nods but doesn’t move to leave. He drums his fingers on the steering wheel, biding his time. Michael settles back in his seat to wait.

‘Promise me something.’ His fingers stop their tapping.

‘Anything.’

He shifts toward Michael as best he can with his seatbelt fastened. ‘If you don’t like the gift for any reason whatsoever, you’ll tell me.’

There’s no running and there’s no lying. ‘I promise.’

The drive out to wherever they’re going is quiet. Christmas music plays faintly through the speakers, but neither of them says anything. Michael’s not a fan of the tension between them, but the lack of anger or sharp words proves -- at least to him -- that they’ve really accomplished something by working hard to get to this softer place.

He watches Alex out of the corner of his eye. Eyes fixed on the road ahead and mind whirling. Every so often he takes a measured breath, loudly exhaling. The most obvious sign that he’s been back in therapy for a couple of months now. Michael aches to climb into his lap and soothe away all his worries, all his fears. But until he knows what this gift is, he knows he can’t.

About half a mile from Foster’s Ranch, Alex pulls the car off the road, coming to a sudden stop at the chained gates of the old Ellison property. Michael watches him climb out of the car and walk a few feet onto the ranch, ignoring the half-dozen no trespassing signs.

Worried that he’s about to have a panic attack, Michael follows him. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder and studying his face. Nothing seems wrong, his breathing even. ‘You alright?’

‘Yeah. What do you know about Ellison’s Ranch?’ His eyes dart back to the locked gate.

It’s a strange question, but maybe he needs a distraction. Michael’s happy to comply. ‘Uh, Old Man Ellison was a bigger dick than Foster. Died earlier this year. No family so the property was supposed to go for auction. About a hundred acres, give or take.’ He shrugs.

‘Hundred and one.’

‘What?’

Alex motions to the wide open expanse ahead of them. ‘One hundred and one acres exactly. Homestead property, used by the Ellison’s for horse breeding mostly.’

‘Okay.’ Michael’s not sure where he’s headed with any of this. ‘Ellison hated trespassers.’ He points back to the signs. ‘His ghost is likely to murder us if we stand here too long.’ He laughs at his own joke knowing how much Alex hates even the mention of ghosts.

But Alex just keeps staring straight into the distance. ‘We��re not trespassing.’

‘Signs beg to differ. We should just keep going, Alex. There’s nothing out here but dirt.’ He turns to head back to the Explorer, hoping Alex will do the same.

‘I bought this place at auction last month. Signed the final papers Wednesday morning. We’re not trespassing. It’s ours. Merry Christmas, Guerin.’

Michael stops dead in his tracks, spins slowly around. Alex’s hands are now in his pockets, shoulders tense. ‘What?’ He rejoins him, wrapping his fingers around Alex’s bicep. ‘You had this kind of money?’

‘No.’ He risks a quick glance at Michael and then back out toward the mountains. ‘It’s the money from my dad’s estate.’

‘Your dad left you his estate?’ That’s the wildest thing he’s said all morning.

Alex snorts. ‘Fuck, no. He didn’t leave me anything. Left almost everything to Clay, a bit to Greg. His weapons collection to Flint. Nothing to me.’

That checks out. Entirely expected. But rage boils just beneath the surface of Michael’s skin anyway. Alex is and always has been the best of them. And even if he is biased, that’s still the truth. ‘Then how?’

‘The auction notice was in the paper one morning when I was having breakfast with Greg. We talked about it. I mentioned how perfect the acreage was -- meant more for residential living than farming or ranching. Mentioned wanting something like this for me and you.’ He smiles, a real one this time. Full-bodied and bright. ‘A week later they wired me the money. Greg wanted nothing to do with dad’s legacy, and Clay wanted nothing to do with any of us, really.’

Michael gawks at him. Mouth agape and eyes wide. ‘It was enough?’

Alex nods. ‘For the property, yeah. Razing that old farmhouse and building a home of our own? That’s going to be up to us.’

‘A home of our own?’ He knows he sounds like an idiot. Repeating Alex’s simple words back at him. But that’s the best he’s got at the moment.

‘I thought maybe we could design a space that works for both of us. A space adaptable to my mobility needs, roomy enough to have friends stay whenever they want. A home meant for a family with a couple of kids.’ He pauses, lets that sink in. ‘A dog or two. Maybe some chickens and goats out back. Horses, even. Since there are already stables.’

Michael steps behind him, pressing his chest into Alex’s back and wrapping his arms firmly around his waist. ‘Keep going.’

‘A workshop for you. One that’s not buried in the ground. Where the sun shines on your face and the stars guide you at night. A soundproof studio for me so I don’t bother anyone trying to sleep. And anything else, Michael. Anything else you want.’ His voice falters the tiniest bit, low and strained with emotion. Another measured breath. ‘It’s too much. Right?’

Yes.

But the thing is, Michael can see everything Alex described. The house, the workshop, the studio. Even the goddamn horses. And all of that is nice. Perfect. The best dream imaginable. But what sells him is the mention of kids. Their kids. Their kids growing up here. Safe and loved. Chasing after chickens and crying over skint knees. Michael holding his little girl’s hand as she wobbles down the steps desperate to run after the dog while Alex follows with their son in his arms.

Suddenly, his mother’s words come to him, unbidden from where he’d locked them away. The words he’d kept for himself. Don’t be afraid to fight for your own happiness, my love. How easily she’d seen through him and known exactly what he needed to hear.

So, he fights.

‘Yes.’ He whispers the words directly into Alex’s ear. ‘But we’ve always been too much. Me and you. Why stop now?’

Michael kisses down Alex’s neck and holds him tighter while the sun climbs higher overhead, illuminating the desert morning stretching out around them. Cars pass behind them on the highway and somewhere in the distance, a rooster crows. He replays the scene in his head again -- their little girl tumbling down the stairs, Alex snuggling their son into giggles.

Alex has made him this promise, and now it’s his turn.

‘Hey, Alex.’

‘Hmm?’ Michael knows he’s lost in his own daydream. Perhaps the exact same one.

‘Marry me.’

[thenakedgingerwrites]

My Personal Trainer

I met Nick five months ago when he became my personal trainer. I joined the gym in the summer to finally work my body towards my personal goals. I had been skinny all my life and knew that if I wanted to change it I would have to get serious. Five months of 3-5 workouts a week and heavy carb/protein loading I was pushing towards my goal. I was up 20 pounds of muscle and my progress pics were really showing obvious changes. I of course had taken photos every step of the way, but hadn't really shared them with anyone until recently. Nick and I had our weekly Monday appointment scheduled. Today was chest day for me and he pushed me hard through it. I was actually pretty lucky getting Nick as my trainer. He was attractive but not instantly my type. It was easier to get a solid workout in if I wasn't drooling over my trainer the entire time. Nick was probably 5'11. He had a lot of muscle but was rounded since bulking season had set in. His arms were massive, chest was broad, and butt (from what I could tell) was quite a bubble. His legs were probably the most underdeveloped part of him but they weren't thin by any means. Definitely thicker than mine. Nick was pale but had clear, unblemished skin. His hair was dark and kept short. In fact sometimes his beard would get longer than his hair before he trimmed everything up. He was one of the few trainers that didn't seem to shave everything. His legs and arms had a nice layer of thick dark hair.

I tried not to fantasize about him but couldn't help the occasional naughty thought, especially when he would demonstrate squat formations or anything that popped his butt. However, I really tried to keep things professional. No harmless flirting or ogles were done by this guy. Nick figured out I was gay probably 2 months into our routine. It didn't phase him at all and things continued as normal. He would occasionally ask about my personal life, if I was seeing anyone, and I'd ask the same. We were both helplessly single but he was straight so there were no possibilities there. I didn't shower at the gym since I lived so close and Nick always did his workouts in the afternoon before I arrived. What this meant is that I'd never even seen the guy shirtless. The most skin I'd ever seen on the man was his calves, arms, and occasional upper thigh depending on the workout. His body was still a mystery, and that was probably a good thing for me. That all changed in the 4 month mark. We were talking after my workout and just shooting the shit. He asked if I had taken progress pictures and I explained I had, but wasn't quite ready to share. Maybe one day, I told him. He understood, but offered up his own. He flipped through his phone and then handed it to me. "Don't flip too much though," Nick said with a nervous laugh. He obviously had nudes on his phone. Of him or of someone else I wondered? The screen was zoomed in to a 3 picture side-by-side, each 6 months apart. I should probably mention that it was his neck down in nothing but some tight underwear. My eyes must have bulged. His body was amazing. I mean he definitely was a 'round' muscled guy but that was absolutely my type. His chest had a light dusting of dark hair which picked back up around his belly button and continued south, growing in intensity until it was hidden below his waistband. He kept his body hair trimmed but definitely all there. I couldn't help but focus on his package. Fuck keeping things personal, I thought. The pictures weren't amazingly lit, but I could easily see the large bulge in his briefs. Whether it was cock, balls, or both I couldn't tell. Whatever it was though, it was hefty. "... and if you blend that all together, it makes a wicked easy meal with tons of calories." Oh shit! I had completely zoned out while looking at his pictures. Quick, say something. "Well it's working out really well for you Nick. This is great progress. I'd be happy with any of them, honestly." Nick laughed. "Like, for your own body or as in your boyfriend?" It had seemed innocent enough but a million thoughts were running through my head. "Umm, well I meant for my own body, but if I was lucky enough to snatch someone up with a body like yours, I'd hold on tight." Nick just gave a cheesy grin and said thanks. We talked for a few more minutes about our weeks and what I would focus on while at the gym. Unfortunately, that night I jacked off thinking about those photos. The next night, I texted Nick telling him how raw I was from the workout yesterday and he responded with the picture he showed me. "Pain builds progress" he wrote with it. That week I did nothing but masturbate to that photo. The slippery slope had started and there was no turning back. Another month went by without much significance except how I looked at Nick. He was no longer just my personal trainer, he was now an object of my lust. Every workout he showed me I couldn't help but turn it dirty in my mind. I was losing it. We had hung out a few times outside of the gym. It had always been with a bunch of the gym staff for a game or just a night out in downtown. I got a text on Saturday morning asking if I wanted to hang out and drink some beers. His roommate was out of town and he wanted to enjoy the apartment to himself while watching the football game. I agreed, trying not to fantasize about unrealistic outcomes. When I got there he was basically in gym attire. I felt a bit dressed up in my nice jeans and button up shirt but oh well. We drank while watching the game, Nick drinking much faster than me. Near the end of the 3rd quarter, it was obvious our home team was going to win and interest in the game subsided. We talked about the gym, work, girls, guys, and continued to drink. I was getting tipsy at this point but Nick was sufficiently drunk. "When are you gonna show me your progress photos, man?" Nick asked me. He actually didn't need to beg much. The alcohol helped, but it only felt fair knowing how much I'd stared at his almost naked body. "Eh, I'll show you. Remember, I was SKINNY. Don't make fun." "I would never! Plus you've grown so much. I'm so proud!" He was smiling ear to ear. It made me swoon a little. I flipped through my phone to get the most recent. It was my 5 month comparison photo. Nothing too crazy. Just standing in front of the mirror flexing one arm in my underwear. I wore skimpy briefs but it was nothing x-rated. I had clearly changed. My ribs were no longer visible and every muscle and it's own definition. Where a flat chest had been there were now pecs. Where a stick arm was there was muscled girth. "Wow! I'm so impressed; you've changed more than I imagined." "Thanks Nick." I was genuinely appreciative of his compliments. "Although, you need to get better at posing." "What?" Nick continued, "You're not showing off the right muscles in these. Like, you've grown a lot in your back but you can't tell in these." "Oh, haha. I didn't realize there was an art to gym selfies." I chastised him a little sarcastically. "There is!!" Nick was drunkenly serious. This was clearly a subject he was passionate about. "Okay, how do you feel about practicing some?" "Sure, that's fine." I said. "You'd have to take off those clothes though to see what I mean." Nick was very direct. I played along, my mind secretly hoping for something like this or more. "That's fine. You would too, right? To show me?" "Yeah, yeah. Obviously." With that Nick stripped. There was no romantic tease to it. This was clearly just what Nick said it was and nothing more. In a few seconds he had peeled out to just his tight boxer briefs. I stood there for longer than I should have because he cleared his throat and said, "you're turn." I quickly snapped back to reality and disrobed as well. I wore my tight AussieBum red briefs tonight just in case something like this happened. What can I say, I'm a planner. "Nice briefs man." Nick offered. "Nice body." He laughed. "Okay, so the first pose is really to show off your Lats and all the work you've been doing on your back." He walked through a couple poses and I imitated him. He would correct me a few times and move my arms or body in the right way. I was really proud of myself for not popping an erection at all with the contact. Minutes passed and things started to get warm in the living room from all our flexing and holding poses. Nick offered to take some photos for me on my phone and I happily agreed. They would be much better than selfies. After taking some photos Nick asked if I would do the same. I obviously agreed. We got to a pose that Nick wanted to try to accentuate his butt. He stood sideways to the camera and twisted his torso towards the lens to accentuate the roundness of his bubble butt. I took a few photos, wishing they were on my phone instead. "Does it look good? Does my butt look good?" He asked me. "It looks incredible Nick. Easily one of the hottest asses I've ever seen." I didn't really think about what I was saying anymore. We were both getting drunk by this time. "Coming from you that means a lot, thanks!" Nick replied with a cheesy smile. "Hey, I kind of want to get some more but without my briefs. Is that okay?" "You want me to take your nudes for you?" I sarcastically asked. Probably should have played that differently. He laughed loudly, "No! I can take my own dick pics thank you. I'll still cover the goods up, I just want some sexier ones without underwear." "Sure, why would I mind?" Nick shrugged, "I dunno, just wanted to make sure, ya know?" He turned around to slip his briefs off. His butt, was amazing. Two large globes of muscle sat atop his legs. They were dusted in his dark fur but he kept his butt trimmed as well. He went through the same poses but was really good at covering up his cock with either his legs or his hands. As much as I wanted to, I never actually saw what he was packing other than some heavy pubes. When Nick felt he had enough shots, he plopped down onto the couch. He grabbed his briefs and placed them over this crotch but didn't actually put them on. He asked for his phone and flipped through the photos when I handed it to him. He was clearly pleased with the photos. "Is it bad that I find myself hot?" he asked. I laughed, still standing there in my underwear. "No. Is it bad if I do?" Oops. He looked up at me. "You think I'm hot?" I didn't know what to do. I scrambled to find words that would make this alright but the drunken haze was cast over my thoughts. "Well, never mind. That answers that question." Nick was looking down on me. I followed his eyes to see my obvious erection in my briefs. Shit!! I covered up quickly and turned from him. That's when he started laughing. "Don't worry about it dude. I'm flattered. Can't say I've given a guy a hard on before. Nice to know I can." "Ha, ha" I said sarcastically, still trying to will my cock to shrink. "Really, it's not a big deal. Come'on. Come here and help me figure out what shots are the best. You'll clearly have an eye for what looks good here." I looked over my shoulder and he was patting the seat of the couch beside him. I said Fuck it in my head and went to sit by him. My erection wasn't gone at all, but at this point in my life I wasn't really that shy about nudity anymore. A few minutes of flipping through shots and adding filters here and there, Nick asked me a question out of the blue. "So you really like cocks? Like, they look good to you?" "Yeah. Don't you like the look of your dick?" I replied. "Well yeah, but that's mine, ya know. I've never thought any other dick was nice." "I guess that's the difference in being gay," i laughed at that. Nick laughed too. "I guess you're right. But like, what exactly do you like about them?" I couldn't really explain it well after I thought for a moment. "I'm not really sure there's specific things or features I like about dicks and balls. It's just linked so closely with arousal that even seeing one triggers so much sexual endorphin release in me. And it's a muscle that can't hide sexual feelings, as we've clearly seen tonight. I like how honest cocks are." Nick lost it at that. "Hahaha, you like how 'honest' cocks are! That's a new one." "I'm a sucker for an honest dick, what can I say?" I laughed with him. Nick put his phone down. "Okay, then tell me. Do I have an honest dick?" He pulled his briefs off his cock. I stared without caring how obvious I was being, plus I assumed that's what he wanted. His cock was awesome. It was still pretty soft, cut, and pretty thick from what I could tell. However, it was his balls that was giving the bulging briefs in his photos. They were massive. He kept almost all his hair closely trimmed but Nick shaved his balls. "It's um... it's... honestly awesome. Nick, your balls are huge!" was all I could put together. "Haha, yeah. They've been big since I was a teenager." He handled them with palm and moved them around a bit. I swore I saw his cock twitch a bit too. "So, this is hot to you? Like, you actually think my cock and my balls are sexy?" "Do you need reassurance?" "No, no. It's just, I'm trying to figure it out. I'm.. I just can't believe someone would find someone else's dick hot." "Well, I could prove it to you." I offered. "Oh yeah? How?" Nick said. He's not a very good actor and it seemed obvious where this was going. I played it safe though and went with another slow tell. I moved my hand to his thigh. "I could show you how much I like your cock." Nick smiled. "You may have to. I still think you're fibbin'" "I would never lie," I joked. I moved my hand the extra few inches to his soft package. It felt even bigger in my hands. I had to skip to his balls first though since they were so incredibly. I moved them around and massaged them with my fingers. I would pull on them a little bit and stretch the skin which elicited light moans from Nick. I felt adventurous for a few reasons and leaned in. I kissed his balls, first lightly, and then heavier with some wet tongue. Nick moaned more. I continued to kiss and lick his balls while loosely gripping his cock. It was filling up quickly. A few seconds later, he was hard in my hand. I backed up from his balls to take a look at his meat. It was thicker than I thought. Probably 6 inches or so in length but probably the same around. It was the hottest cock I'd ever seen. I looked up to Nick just to reassure myself it was him and that this was honestly happening. He caught my eyes and just whispered, "Please don't stop." Oh that made me wet. I got down onto the floor and moved in between his legs. I took hold of his shaft and licked that cock from base to head like a popsicle. It was delicious. He had already started to precum a little for me. I wasn't in the mood to tease and went right into it. I took as much of Nick's cock into my mouth as I could. He wasn't super long but the girth prevented me from taking him all in on the first go. As I sucked with his member filling my mouth, Nick's light moans evolved to deep rumbling groans. He was loving this which made me even hornier. A couple of bobs was all it took for me to get most of him in my throat. After that I could try my different techniques (which were admittedly rusty). I swiveled my tongue around his head, used my hand to match pace with my mouth, and used a little teeth on the retract. Nick was loving each skill and would buck uncontrollably at some. I was surprised what a gentleman he was. He didn't try and grab my head to face fuck me (although I would have been fine with it) and made it very audible how much he appreciated what I was doing. "Fuck yes. That feels so good. You're amazing. You're incredible. Please don't stop." were the only things he could muster between groans. It only took a couple of minutes before Nick's balls began to tighten. I knew he was getting close. He finally did take hold of my head, but to remove it and saying, "I"m about to cum, man." What a fucking knight. "Good," I said and fought against his grip to latch back onto his cock. He tried to pull me off him again, "No, you really don't have to do that. I don't want you to feel like you do." I continued to stroke him with my hands as I popped off to say, "You don't know what it's like to be gay, but fact one, I WANT to do this." I batted his hands away and took his cock back into my wanting mouth. He just said, "oh god, oh god." over and over as he edged towards the finish line. Nick tried to hold back his orgasm as long as he could but finally he couldn't fight anymore. I took hold of his balls with a free hand as he erupted into me. His tank had definitely been full and I almost struggled to get it all down. Jet after jet of warm seed filled my mouth and was swallowed down. Nick tried to remain still but was bucking and shaking uncontrollably between his heavy breathing. When I was sure he was done, I milked him dry with a last squeeze and popped off his still hard cock. "So," I said, "believe me now that I actually like cock?" He tried to laugh but didn't have the energy. "That. Was. Amazing. I've never gotten head like that before. You're a master." I laughed. "Stand up," Nick said. I did as commanded and rose before him. I was still rock hard in my briefs, and had actually popped out a little on top. He put his hands on my ass and pulled me in closer. I had no words for what was happening, so I just went with it. He fondled me through my briefs for a bit, getting used to the feeling of a hard cock in close proximity to his body. He swallowed, and shucked my briefs to the floor. My cock sprang out and almost hit him in the face which he wasn't expecting and jumped back a bit. I couldn't help but laugh, "You're right to be scared. He bites." "You're huge, dude!" I was definitely longer than Nick. Around 8 inches, but not near as thick. And my balls were only average compared to his massive globes a few feet below. He hesitantly took hold of my cock with one hand and slowly stroked it. This was clearly more for him than it was for me. He was exploring what another man's cock was like and I didn't want to rush him through that. Plus it was incredibly hot to see him oaf around it like a foreign object. After giving me a slow, steady hand job for a few minutes he swallowed again and licked his lips. He inched closer and closed his eyes. I was now feeling bad about this. "Nick, stop. You don't have to do this. You don't owe me anything." He finally looked up at me. "No, I know. I just, I want to see what it's like." "Okay, but go slow. Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable and you can stop anytime." He was looking at my dick again and nodded. He inched close again and closed his eyes to lick my cock head. Once he had a taste he moved his tongue around in his mouth to figure out if he liked it or not. "It just tastes like, skin?" I laughed, "yeah, they don't come in different flavors." "I guess I just, I thought it would taste different." I explained to him that it can if a guy precums a lot, but that I didn't. My cock was a great 'beginners' cock. We both laughed a bit. He then took hold with one hand and tried to wrap his lips around my cock. He could, but didn't take too much into his mouth. He bobbed on my cock like he thought he should but only took an inch or two in at a time and without any suction. What should I have expected from a straight guy. However poor the actual blow job was going, it was Nick who was giving it and that was incredibly hot. I was loving every second of it regardless. I must have began to leak a bit because Nick pulled away with a slight disgust taste on his mouth.

"That's what I expected they tasted like." Nick said with some nervous laughter.

"Yeah, if you don't like that you definitely won't like the ending."

He looked visibly nervous. I leaned down and pushed him away from my cock. "You're done. I'm not letting you go any further. Thanks for trying."

He sighed some relief, "Thanks for letting me try. And for that amazing blow job you gave me. I just wish I could return the favor."

"Trust me Nick, I loved every minute of that probably as much as you did." We both smiled.

"Well, do you wanna shoot on my chest?" Nick said.

I froze for a second and then began dying of laughter.

"What? People do that right?" Nick looked at my confused.

"Hahahaha, sure Nick, sure they do. But rarely does a straight guy just go, 'hey wanna cum on my chest?' It was just too funny."

He leaned back and rubbed his chest seductively, playing with himself a bit too. His cock had softened up almost entirely. "Do you wanna cum on this hot piece of man or not?"

I did.

I leaned into him and put one arm on his shoulder and the other on my cock. Nick just stared at the barrel of the gun in somewhat excited anticipation actually. Having this hunk below me, wanting my cum all over him, was enough to help me finish quickly. My balls tightened as the first blast shot forward onto his pecs. 8 steams of hot spunk fell onto Nick, coating his chest, abs, and cock in my cum. I sighed in relief.

"Hot." was all Nick had to say before we both started laughing.

We stayed there for a minute while I got my breath back and then he offered we take a shower. I rubbed his back, he rubbed mine. I probably washed his ass more than I had to but he didn't stop me or protest. By the end of the shower we both had erections again but heading into the living room he put on his briefs which signaled the nights fun was over.

We both fell asleep on the couch that night and I woke up spooning him in the morning. He was snoring. I got off of him and got the rest of my clothes on to leave. Before I left I looked back at this amazing, delicious man I had known for the past few months. He was sprawled out, chest up, almost naked in his tight white briefs. He had a serious case of morning wood going on that was clearly visible.

I felt naughty and probably was risking more than I should have, but I gave into the momentary idea. I got down on my knees and fished his cock and balls out of his briefs and gave them some light kisses. Nick continued to snore obliviously.

I took a step back to admire the view. I decided to take a picture of him like this for later use. I was going to put his junk back in but last minute decided instead to bob on it a couple times for one last taste and leave.

When I got home I felt guilty about the picture. I didn't want to delete it for obvious reasons but felt like I crossed a line. I decided to text him the photo with the caption "Had a great night. Took this souvenir. Hope you don't mind ;)"

That way if he wanted me to delete it he could tell me, but at least he would know that I had it.

I woke up from a nap to a response from Nick. "Likewise"

A few seconds later a video came through. I opened it and saw myself giving Nick head, his loud moans were close to the speaker. That little shit took a video of me blowing him without me knowing. The anger was only a reflex and I quickly found it hilarious that he captured that moment.

I texted him back, "That's blackmail!"

"Maybe it is. I need something to hold onto to remember last night."

"You could always just get the real thing again if you needed a reminder."

"Deal! Deleted."

"You don't really have to delete it, you can keep it for your own spank bank."

"haha good. I wasn't actually going to delete it anyway."

"lol, dick."

....

Bling. A picture of his hard cock and balls came through.

"This one?? ;P"

I was definitely jacking off today. "Tease!"

He replied, "I think we need to have a special work out session each week after our gym sessions. There are some special muscles we need to work out."

"Deal, see you Monday."

My training sessions had become something more, and I was absolutely, fucking floored about it.

[colorfullfalls]

Worst to best night

Reader x Embry Call

(In this Jake never imprints on Nessie, he ends up imprinting on a girl his age named Callie)

Black mechanics had a busy day. Three customers showed up without calling in, and Jacob was livid. Hot sun beating down on the garage only made it ten times hotter inside. A quileute wolf's blood ran naturally warm without humidity blasting them. Garages usually stayed open for 8 hours in the area, but Jake was usually willing to work however long until he was exhausted.

Today was different. His sweet Callie was waiting for him and he had to miss seeing her. Jake's temper was slowly slipping out of grasp. Quil and Embry, hired as mechanics, noticed his anger and were giving eachother annoyed looks as Jake kept snapping at them.

To progress, each man worked on a different vehicle. Embry and Quil liked to joke around while they worked, but this day Jake was not a fan. Embry smiled as Quil tripped over a wire. The two shared a look and busted out laughing. Jake rolled his eyes and bit his tongue from saying anything.

"Quil, hand me the light dude." Jake said ten minutes later.

"I don't know where it is. Em had it last." Quil retorted, his long frame coming out from under the truck he had been working under. Motor oil smeared on his face as he rubbed it sheepishly from Jake's hard stare.

"It's a big fucking light, how do you not know where it is?" Jake stone voice pierced the air.

Embry rolled his eyes. Jake was being irritating. None of them were in a peachy mood and he wasn't making it any better. Hostile environments also weren't Embry's thing. He just wanted to defuse the situation.

"Here."

Jake nodded his head in acknowledgement as he took the light. Embry flipped him off when he wasn't looking before returning to his task. For a while work was carried out silently, only old 80's songs playing lightly could be heard. Although the atmosphere was calm, inside Jake wasn't. His veins were pulsating as he fumbled to still work. God, he wanted to be home. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Embry's imprint and wife, Y/N, and Callie pulled into the parking lot of the shop and parker up as close as she could to avoid getting drenched by the rain on her way in. La Push was rain 70% of the time. Either adapt or hate life.

Embry called his wife an hour earlier to tell her to not make dinner for him and Quil because they wouldn't be home for a long time. His tone held guilt and sorry as he explained it, but his lovely woman assured him that it was fine. Nothing to fret over.

Y/N was annoyed at whoever dropped off their vehicles without calling in because it set the boys back. Why the boys agreed to work on them was beyond her. Good men, the three of them were.

She knew that the mechanics wouldn't go get food if so much was left to do, so she bought Chinese food and decided to surprise them. Ordering 5 containers of general tsos, 3 containers of orange chicken and 4 boxes of fried rice was embarrassing, but she still did it out of love.

She called Callie to come with her because Jake was taking a tantrum about his soiled evening, and she wanted to put him in a better mood. Not only for his sake, but the guys too. Y/N didn't appreciate Jake's pissy attitude towards Embry and Quil, but she understood how wolves get antsy when they're away from their imprint for too long. Hell, she even got cranky when she didn't see Em for a while.

Together they grabbed the food, plates, cups and drinks and ran for the door. Before they could open it, Quil pulled it open and stepped aside.

"Ooh, ladies.." his eyes wandered across the bags and his nose picked up on the smell, "Yes! Ladies with food! It's as if you heard our grumbling stomachs. Have I ever said how much I love you guys?"

Y/N kissed his cheek as he took some of the bags from you to help, "love you too, kid."

Jake stood up and ran to Callie, kissing her face all over and spinning her around. The couple's intimate moment was alike every time a wolf saw their imprint after being apart. Y/N grinned, happy to have helped.

Embry wiped his hands off on a rag before coming to take the rest of the bags from Y/N while giving her a peck on the lips. She hummed in pure bliss at his close proximity. They set the food down on the back table and we're grabbing benches and random chairs to sit.

"You're my savior, like always. Missed you so much today." Embry whispered into Y/N's ear from behind as he wrapped his arms around her.

She laughed, body naturally melting back into him, "I missed you too, lover boy. C'mon, let's eat guys. You must be starved."

Five adults chewed, laughed, and talked happily as they enjoyed their well deserved dinner. The chemistry between the group was buzzing as they shared stories about how their day went.

"Jake was a dick all day. If it weren't for you guys showing up, we may have killed him." Quil exaggerated, winking at Embry.

"I was a dick. M' sorry about that, didn't mean to take it out on you guys because it wasn't fair. But God damn, how do people not have the common courtesy to not just drop their shit off?" Jake ranted, shaking his head in utter disbelief.

Callie patted his arm, "People are half wits, Jacob. Dealing with them comes with running a business," she turned to the boys with a beautiful smile on her cheerful face, "thank you for dealing with the grumpy guy all day."

"His anger was reasonable cuz we were frustrated too- I had been itching to get home to Y/N." Embry confessed, looking at his wife that was showing orange chicken in her mouth.

She caught his eyes and shrugged with a blush as she shoved the rest of it in, "good food.." she mumbled.

Embry chuckled, admiring how goofy the love of his life was. Y/N was just so refreshing to see after the shitty day he had and her showing up washed his bad attitude away. Now he was all smiles. They all were.

"Tomorrow I say we have a fun day at the beach and later have a fire or something. Relax and unwind a bit, yanno?" Quil brought up, his tongue poking out to lick the sauce at the side of his mouth. A chorus of yes came from the group.

Y/N wiped her face with the back of her hand before picking up her fortune cookie. Her nimble fingers tore off the wrapper. She cracked the cookie and took out the little slip of paper.

"A new love is around the corner. Open your heart and it shall arrive..." She read out loud. Her face looked deep in thought as she set it down. Embry grinned at the cliche fortune, pulling her close for a second to kiss her forehead.

"Lame. Your man is right there. Let's hope my fortune is better." Callie said, grabbing hers.

"Actually... It's kind of right. I was going to tell you in a more thought out way but now is good... Embry, I'm pregnant." Y/N softly said, her eyes staring deep into his.

Everyone's mouth dropped in surprise at the news. Embry quickly grabbed her face in his large hands and kissed her passionately, the warmth of his hands seeping into her skin. Callie, Jake, and Quil clapped as he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers for a moment. He smiled smittenly and shook his head, pulling her into his lap to hold her close.

"There goes my wine drinking buddy.." Callie teased, nudging Y/N's foot with hers.

"Got that right, Y/N will not be drinking. Or doing anything remotely dangerous." Embry sternly said, pulling her closer to him with a kiss to her hair.

Quil snorted, "This will be a fun 9 months of Y/N living in bubble wrap.."

"Uh huh" she protested. The group laughed as they all set into a comfortable silence. The couple would be the first out of the pack to have a kid, even before Sam and Emily.

"Happy for you man" Jake said with a nod of his head.

"Thanks Jake... Wow, this day really went from shit to one of the best days of my entire life." Embry beamed.

Rest of the evening was spent talking about potential baby names. Some silly ones were thrown out there, but it was nice to get ideas. Y/N and Embry shared a look and knew immediately that their baby would be loved by their aunts and uncles. But of course, not more than he or she was loved by their parents.

[lifesabe-ch]

this means war - billy r. and frank c. (part 8)

summary: this is a spin off from a movie (can anyone find the title? ;) starring Billy Russo and Frank Castle. In this AU, Billy isn’t a psycho, Frank’s family is alive, and they both really like coffee. And, y’know, Y/N.

pairings: Frank Castle x Reader, Billy Russo x Reader (actually both of them, i promise)

warnings: kids. frank’s kids. frank has kids. frank has kids. FRank HAs KIDS.

a/n: apparently we’re updating every sunday now. so stay tuned :) happy corona yall, big love - admin a (written w/ @pitaparka​)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7

The list you had brought with you sat forgotten in your shopping cart, just feet away from you, as you reached up in vain for the cereal at the very back of the top shelf. Of course you had to go to the grocery store in the middle of the month, where foods in high demand were scarce. Sure, you could wait until they restocked, but you were fresh out of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It would only be three days, but you didn’t feel like coming back to the grocery store to get it. Plus, you really wanted it for breakfast. You grunt in frustration as you stretch your arm as far as you can go. In triumph, you pulled your newfound cereal down and tossed it into the cart.

“Attagirl. I was gonna help you, but I knew you had it.” Said a familiar voice from behind you.

You startled slightly, but smiled at Frank, who was standing up against the oatmeal.

“Did you just… watch me, struggle with these shelves for that cereal?”

“I didn’t want to intrude,” he explains, “You were already halfway there.” He grins at you.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, automatically. It occurs to you, probably the same thing you were doing.

“Just… you know… shopping and stuff.” he replies, charmingly. He glances up and down the aisle, but no one is going to interrupt you two.

Apparently you two are the only ones who wanted cereal today.

You smile awkwardly at each other. You debate asking him about the weather, or about his personal life, but you realize you don’t know much about him. It’s all very basic. To be fair, you don’t even know where he works. Before you fall into an existential crisis, you hear something that takes you out of your trance. It takes you a second, but you recognize the music playing on the speakers. It’s the same song from when you two were in the diner, Dancing in the Moonlight. Recognition spreads across your face. It spreads across Frank’s face soon after. The same warm feelings that blossomed for Frank that night come bubbling back up to the surface. But you’re worried you’re basing everything you know about him on one good date.

You’re knocked out of your trance though by two noisy children barging down the aisle. You subconsciously step back a little bit from Frank, as if you two were just caught. They’re kind of cute, in a ten year old kind of way, but you don’t pay much attention to them. Until you hear them say one very, very perception distorting word.

“Dad!” the little boy cries, bounding up to Frank and stopping just short of running into him. “We found the straws!” the girl explains, two boxes of straws in hand.

“I want the plastic ones,” the little boy argues.

“No! It’s bad for the environment!” the girl protests, putting the box of paper straws in the cart Frank was positioned next to.

“But they get all mushy and gross, I like the plastic ones—” the little boy goes to complain again, but Frank cuts them off.

“Alright, alright, alright, you two decide, or you’re not getting any straws. Go put one box back,” he says. His whole demeanor changed. So had yours, as you stand silently beside him. Frank, had kids?

The children grumble off and suddenly, they were a lot less adorable than you had originally thought.

“Uh, so you have kids?” you question. You almost can’t believe it. You really don’t want to believe it. Some part of you hopes ‘dad’ is just a nickname.

“Yeah. I… uh, I do.” he says sheepishly.

“Oh,” you state.

“It’s from…” he goes to explain. He’s standing tall now, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets.

“It’s from an old marriage. We’re, on good terms. I get the kids on the weekends. I wanted to tell you…”

“Oh,” you say again, shocked. It’s hard to put your feelings into words. On one hand, you really liked Frank. You liked the idea of him, and even thought you could see a life with him, as crazy as that sounds. On the other hand, he already had a whole other life. Frank had kids. Wow.

“I just, it’s kinda… new. I didn't really… um. I didn't think you were a kid guy. Not that that’s a bad thing? Uh…”

“Right. Yeah, this is kinda… a lot.”

“Yeah.”

You stop for a second and all of your options rush through your head. You could ghost him. You could cease all contact with him. You could leave right now and never look back, the only exposure to Frank being when, if, he ever comes back to the coffee shop. Or, you could see if this works out regardless.

“How old are they?” you ask, and Frank smiles at you.

The line rings twice before she picks up.

“Hello?”

You don’t let her get much out before you complain from your end.

“He has KIDS.”

“Who?”

Glancing around quickly to make sure the Castles were nowhere in sight, you whisper shouted into the receiving end of your phone, “Frank!”

“You hung out with Frank today, AND his kids?”

“No!”

“Then how—”

“I went to the store because I needed Cinnamon Toast Crunch and—”

“Why?”

Moving up in line, you heaved a sigh, “Why did I need Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Because I ran out?”

“Wow, already?”

“Okay, I didn’t come here to be judged for my cereal habits.”

“Right. Sorry. So Frank has a kid?”

“No. No, Morgan. Frank has KIDS. Plural! There’s two of them!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah! That’s what I said.”

“You found out he has kids and you said “oh””?

“What was I supposed to say? ‘Wow, that’s nice, do you have any more?’”

“No but… well, actually, that might be good to know.”

“You think he has more?”

“He didn’t exactly tell you about them.”

“Morgan!”

“What?”

“What am I supposed to do? Do I stop talking to him?”

“Do you want to stop talking to him?”

“No…” You whine.

“So don’t!”

“But he has kids, Morgan.”

“So you’ve said. Is that really a bad thing? Haven’t you always wanted kids?”

“No! What?! I moved to New York, became a barasta, and hoped to have kids? What the hell, Morgan? I don’t want to be a mom. I don’t want to drive kids to soccer games. I don’t wanna own a minivan. Oh my god, I can’t pay for the gas in that thing! I make minimum wage!”

The cashier gave you a weird glance, but took your card as you handed it to him. He was probably hoping your minimum wage would cover this purchase.

“You could be a stay at home mom! What does he do for work, anyway?”

“I don’t know! That’s the problem! I don’t know him.”

“You know him. You’ve talked to him plenty of times before.”

“It’s mainly me doing all the talking. He’s not a talkative guy! I know he likes bagels. And other breakfast foods. And he works out. A lot. He didn’t tell me that but… I mean… come on.”

The cashier glances at you again, seemingly more intrigued than he was last time. As he hands you your card and your receipt you smile at him and mutter a small “thank you” before grabbing your bags.

“Come on. Is it really that bad?”

Making your way towards the exit, you see Frank standing in another line with his kids. Lisa and Frank Jr. were laughing at something their dad said and Frank seemed relatively proud of himself. They looked like a family.  You felt butterflies in your stomach. You weren’t sure if it was because you wanted that, or because you didn’t.

As he looked up and made eye contact with you, you smiled and hastily looked away, pushing your cart out the door.

tag list (respond to post or send ask to be added!):

@full-of-sins-not-tragedies, @harrysthiccthighss, @constellation---me, @editboutique, @achesiresmile, @ghastlygray, @muddleofmarvel , @starxdame, @with1love1anu, @a-dorky-book-keeper, @batmanbatmanbatmanbatmans-bitch​ @mmabodybuilder​​ @celyndavies​ @elfmama​ 

[pippki-writes]

An Ill-Fitting Name: Snippet 10

NOTES:

Snippet 1; Snippets 2 & 3; Snippet 4; Snippet 5; Snippet 6; Snippet 7; Snippet 8; Snippet 9

Faoust belongs to @thebiggestnerd - she writes him, Isaiah and Detective Voros here are mine.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Isaiah has thought about texting Faoust many times. But no, he said he’d leave him alone. And besides, what the hell would he say? Where do you even begin?

Faoust thinks about texting Isaiah sometimes too, but like Isaiah, has no clue what to say either.

Both of them, sometimes, thinking about the other, phone in hand, pulling up their messages, beginning to type something, anything—but stopping short. Nothing is quite right. Delete the words that will never suffice, put the phone back down.

Serendipity finally strikes—both Isaiah and Faoust have their texts open at the same time, starting to type and then deleting something only to see the other one’s “...” typing dots show up.

Both stop, pause, to see what the other was going to type. A stalemate, as now neither is typing, dots frozen on the screen.

Isaiah waits to see if Faoust was going to say something. But shit. He knows Faoust saw him typing. He should just leave him alone. He puts the phone down for a second. No. Maybe he should say something. He picks the phone back up. He chews on his lip for a second, thinking.

Well it’s not like Isaiah has much else to do, is there? He feels...strangely nervous. Hell. He starts to type.

Isaiah: “sorry. I know you saw me typing. I wasn’t trying to bother you. Just. Thought about you. Should’ve kept it to myself, I know”

Whatever he’d originally been typing, of course, is not exactly any of that.

Faoust doesn't know what the fuck to say. He doesn't want to admit he'd been thinking about him too.

Faoust: "Interesting. Thanks."

Isaiah lays back on his bed, phone in one hand, nervously opening and closing his knife with the other. What do you say? What do you say when no words can convey the enormity of your own idiocy? That you only recognize looking back and so thoroughly disconnected from who you’d been? What a disaster. He’s surprised to note that he’s...feeling things, isn’t he? That’s a little new. Not sure what to do with that.

Isaiah: “almost could’ve gotten away with it if you hadn’t seen me typing. Oh well. I’ll...go back to leaving you alone”

Faoust: "To be fair, you saw me too. I don't know what to say to you"

Isaiah: “I was gonna be polite and not call you out on that. But yeah.”

Isaiah: “I don’t know what to say either”

Isaiah: “feels like there’s something to be said, but I’m too stupid to figure it out”

Faoust: "I'm not stupid and I still don't know what to say. I guess emotionally we're stupid"

Isaiah: “could be. I’ve just been thinking a lot on everything. And ..wow”

Isaiah: “what a disaster”

Isaiah: “I was a piece of shit...but I sure did ruin a good thing”

Faoust: "Yeah.Yeah you did."

Isaiah: “sorry is pretty insufficient to cover it”

Faoust: "it's a start"

Isaiah: “I’m sorry. You were a friend and I didn’t know what to do with that”

Faoust: "apparently try to kill me? Fuck with my head?"

Faoust: "That's not entirely fair of me. I was going to kill you for fucking with my head. That's not exactly rational behavior"

Isaiah sits up on the bed. He has thought about this a lot, the rough shape of what he wants to say next. The words are never exact as he’s turned them in his mind, but he wants to try to tell them anyway.

Isaiah: “ok, do you want to know what Asmodai was thinking? About you, specifically? Would that help?”

Isaiah: “not to excuse anything of what I did, of course, but to understand maybe?”

Faoust: "O..kayyy?"

Asmodai would rather have died than admit any of this—but in a way, he did, didn’t he? Isaiah, on the other hand, feels almost eager to pry Asmodai’s thoughts and feelings open, to offer them up for Faoust to know.

Isaiah: “he loved spending time with you. He loved going and murdering the shit out of people together. He loved fucking with you more than any of the endless parade of hookup app fucks he summoned up. You had power over him—without you around, these things weren’t as enjoyable. And that fucked him up. He couldn’t deal with that. He wanted you to suffer, because he suffered enjoying things less off on his own. It’s all very fucked up. I don’t know what to say.”

Isaiah: “and now I just know the ghosts of all these feelings, and I don’t feel that shit. But. I was thinking about you. I don’t know”

Faoust: "well that's very frustrating, I'm sure you understand"

Isaiah: “yeah. Sorry”

Faoust: "and what about you? What do you feel?"

Isaiah licks his lips. This is what he was dancing around, hesitant to admit of himself.

Isaiah: “I don’t feel like killing you, or making you suffer for whatever fucked up reasons, or any of that bullshit. But. Even though I’m not him, and I don’t feel that shit......it’s weird.....I think I might miss you”

Faoust sighs and rubs his temples.

Faoust: "I think I might miss you too"

Isaiah is easily up to a dozen victims. All have been reported missing.

Detective Voros looks at a map with dots for every home address of a missing person for the past six months. Nope. She switches to a map with last known locations instead, but still, no pattern emerges. She pulls up a list of each missing person by name, and the last known contact for each missing person. Who last saw them (alive, she can’t help but add cynically). And for every missing person in nearly the past month, the last contact was an officer of some kind. From her own agency. She closes her laptop and stares out into the night.

What.

The.

Fuck.

The first thing Detective Voros checks on the next missing person report that comes in is whether the person had contact with the police that day. Sure enough, the police are not the last person this guy had contact with, but there’s a field contact for the missing young man as a witness in an assault perhaps an hour earlier.

She wishes she hadn’t noticed this. Noticing it means eventually she’ll be compelled to do something about it. What seems most likely is that she’s looking for a suspect in the department. And this many missing people is far too many for them to be kept alive. Not. Fucking. Good.

She clicks the pen in her hand. The pattern here really only started this month. Who would be so reckless? There’s maybe one or two missing persons reported that don’t fit—detritus, she can’t help thinking, the sort of people no one cares much when they go missing, druggie dropout types, but all the others. They fit. She’s briefly grateful for the high missing person rate of this town, because it means no one higher up has started pressing hard on this yet.

Detective Voros stops clicking her pen as realization of a potential lead dawns on her.

God, ugh. She’s so fucking stupid.

The victim who wouldn’t talk.

Who someone probably had tried to kill.

It couldn’t be coincidence, could it?

Maybe it could. Maybe it could.

In her patrol car, she groans in great annoyance. Even though she’s made detective, short staffing regularly keeps her on patrol. Luckily? Unluckily? Tonight is a patrol night. The weather is unusually warm, and the citizens are up to no good. Before she can put herself on a self initiated follow up, she’s dispatched to a call.

On the one hand, Isaiah has already killed someone today. On the other hand, the weather is perfect to go out looking for trouble. It would be almost criminal to stay in his motel room as nice as it is. He goes for a walk.

Faoust texts Isaiah finally.

Faoust:  "As much as it seems like a bad idea, I'll give you another shot"

Isaiah immediately texts back, because he is so far past the bullshit of playing games and hell, he hasn’t talked to anyone in ages really. He says nothing to his victims, these days.

Isaiah: “I defer to your judgment. Whatever you want to do, wherever you want to go, etc. was just out for a walk”

They meet for coffee. They catch up, though there isn’t much to tell of Isaiah’s life besides his return to killing. It’s so different from the theatricality of Asmodai, the way he murders now. Faoust wonders whether it would even work, them killing together again, as he has his sort of ritual compared to the quick, clean efficiency that Isaiah has now adopted. But Isaiah assures him, as much as Faoust once waited around for the deranged things he did as Asmodai, he wouldn’t mind waiting around for Faoust.

That covers the murder friends part, but what about the friends with benefits aspect of what they’d had before? Faoust tactfully asks about whether Isaiah is interested in that as well.

“I have been thinking about this too,” Isaiah says, picking lightly at the paper sleeve on his coffee cup. “Sex is for the living, and I’ve only just begun coming around on accepting that’s what I am. Living, I mean. And that I have to figure out what I want to do with...This fucked up life I’ve inherited from myself.” He stops and sighs. “There are a lot of mistakes Asmodai made that I’d like to avoid repeating. But fucking you was not one of those mistakes.”

Isaiah having killed so many people in the same town in such a short timespan is too reckless for the two of them to do any more of it that night. But spending some time reacquainting themselves with one another violently on top of the motel sheets? A perfect way for Faoust and Isaiah to spend the evening.

They don’t limit themselves to the sheets. There’s also the floor, the wall, the cheap plywood of the dresser. There is something almost feral about the two of them together.

“Do be rough with me, will you?” Isaiah says when they first got back to the motel room, hooking his fingers into the waistband of Faoust’s pants, pulling their hips together. “Think I’d like that.”

Faoust doesn’t think at all. His body moves on muscle memory, the familiar feeling of Asmo—no, Isaiah, he corrects himself at one point—beneath his hands. The same, and yet not the same. The same lips, crushed to his own. The same deliciously thick, fluffy hair to pull on. Isaiah is not as loud as Asmodai was, but there is a deep, deep satisfaction in his moans.

Isaiah was right.

He very much likes this.

Detective Voros manages to weasel the regular patrol officers into being the ones to take people down to the Magistrate’s Office. She merely dispenses her wisdom to the combatants—“THERE’S A FUCKING PANDEMIC ON, STOP FIGHTING INSIDE THE GODDAMN WAFFLE HOUSE”—and finally puts herself en route to a motel just outside of town for a follow up.

She pulls up in the parking lot and sits in her car for a moment, filling out one of the little contact cards, as it is her—hope? Expectation?—that the door will not be answered when she goes to knock.

Detective Voros nods at the card, gets out of the patrol car, and walks up to the room, hoping he might still be staying in the same room as before, if only so she doesn’t have to apologize to a stranger. She could check with the front desk but ugh, sounds like work. She sighs, and hates that she ever had two brain cells run into each other to have this thought of a lead to pursue, and knocks on the door firmly twice

“Mr. James?”

Faoust, just barely dressed and getting ready to leave, looks bewildered at Isaiah. Isaiah’s eyebrow goes up as he quietly scrambles out of bed, pulling on his shirt and pants. He makes a face as he debates whether to answer the door.

Detective Voros tucks the card into the doorframe as she speaks. “It's your favorite local law enforcement representative. I was hoping to talk to you for some leads on who it was that put you in the hospital. Think it might be connected to some other cases we’ve got, and, well, you’re our only hope Obi-Wan. Or however the fuck that quote goes.”

Isaiah sighs, sets his shoulders, and slowly goes over to the door, opening it a few feet and peering out. “Hm?”

The card flutters to the ground, and Detective Voros, who’d already started walking away, spins on her heels.

“Mr. James! The magical vanishing devil himself.” She looks at his incredibly messy hair.  “Hope I didn’t wake you. Forgot, do you go by Asmodai or Isaiah? Which do you prefer?”

Isaiah feigns a yawn. “I prefer someone who visits at a reasonable time.”

“Hey, I prefer when victims tell me shit they know right from the get go, but I guess neither of us got what we wanted here.”

Isaiah leans against the doorframe, holding the door with his arm as Faoust listens from behind the door. “Hm.”

“Ennnnntywaaay, I was hoping perhaps some quality healing time might’ve helped your memory vis-a-vis that assault, or shall I reckon it, probable attempted murder, that put you in the hospital? Anything at all you remember about the bastard or bastards that fucked you up?”

Isaiah shakes his head sadly. “‘Fraid not officer. Too much head trauma, that’s what the doctors seem to think. The whole night is simply a blank.”

This is far from true. Isaiah remembers with startling clarity every awful minute, every painful blow. It would be real fucking nice if he couldn’t remember, actually. He’s gotten used to the twinge of pain deep in his bones, and mostly accepts and ignores it.

“Well that’s a real fucking inconvenience, Mr. James. Because I don’t believe you, and I wasn’t kidding, you might be the only lead I’ve got in a much bigger case. I’m not gonna stand here and argue with you. But if you find yourself magically remembering something that might help—“ she snatches the card off the ground and hands it to him “—call me, would you?”

Isaiah takes the card, pretends to look at it, and tucks it in his pocket. “Of course officer. I do wish I could help.”

Detective Voros presses her lips together. “Do you. Do you really. Hm. Whatever.” She goes back to her patrol car and sits in the parking lot.

Isaiah shuts the door and takes the card back out of his pocket.

“Is she gonna be a problem?” Faoust asks.

Isaiah holds the card in one hand and brushes it against the fingers of the other thoughtfully. “Not sure. Maybe. She, well, rightly I suppose, thinks I know more about my assault than I’ve told them. And now seems to think it’s connected to something else? It was her radio I stole, by the way.”

“Looks like we might have found an officer to kill.”

Isaiah nods. “Might have to, yeah.”

“Or we could go a more direct route. She still out there?”

Isaiah peeks out the window. “There’s a patrol car in the parking lot, so I’ll say yeah.”

“This is either a great idea or a terrible one. At any rate, I'll see you later yeah?”

Isaiah quirks his eyebrow. “Yeah, I hope so.”

Faoust opens the door and heads directly over to the patrol car. He slams his hand on the roof of the car, leaning down to put himself at her level.

“Evening officer.”

Detective Voros, to her credit, doesn’t even flinch. “Oh it’s you, solid citizen. Fuck, what was your name? Not fuck. Hm.” She looks from him back toward Isaiah’s room, and back to Faoust. “Made up with your friend I see?”

“Never had an issue with him.”

“Of course. My mistake. I’ve been breaking up Waffle House brawls all night.”

“Ok here's the thing. Stop asking questions. We both can tell you don't want the answers. I will give you one free question, then you fuck off.”

“Unfortunately for every goddamn one of us, I’ve kind of been promoted to a position where asking questions is my damn job. But gee, your cooperation would be fantastic if you know something about the case I’m working on.”

“I'm telling you now. For your sake and mine. If it comes back to him?” Faoust jabs a thumb towards the motel room. “You don't want anything to do with it. You're a cop. You're good at not doing your job properly. Make it go away.

“But I'm a man of my word. You get one question I'll answer truthfully. Then you go away and don't come back.”

Detective Voros rubs the side of her head. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

After a pause, she rests her hands on her duty belt, and against better judgment speaks. “I think you know shit too. People have been going missing for a while. None of them ever get found. Your friend there is the first missing person in a year to be found. And now we’re back to more missing people again. A dozen at least in under a month. And I don’t think these are missing persons cases. I think this is one big goddamn string of homicide investigations that we’re too stupid to realize. What I haven’t decided is whether your friend is protecting someone else, or is he just scared of whoever’s doing this, I don’t fucking know. But I can’t just ignore shit this big, and I can hardly come up with one fucking question to ask you to make it worthwhile.”

Faoust shrugs. “Then you lose your chance at any knowledge. And when I say it's better for you to ignore this? I mean it.”

“How the fuck—wait no!! That’s not my question.” Detective Voros practically growls, eyes narrowed at Faoust, thinking. “....give me a second.”

“I got all night.”

Detective Voros didn’t make detective because she was smart, or good at interviewing people. She made detective because of dumb luck, because of shit she tried not to look too closely into, and perhaps very specifically because of these two assholes. Maybe somewhere in the world there is a smart detective who would know exactly what to ask to get exactly the answer she needs, even if she doesn’t know exactly what she needs. But Detective Voros doesn’t know a fucking thing about how to be a detective. She doesn’t know what to ask to help herself, to help this case, to help stop what she suspects is a lot of murder. She sighs.

“What is it that he knows but won’t tell me?”

Faoust tilts his head from side to side, thinking. “Mmm. Ah. I'm the one who beat the shit out of him.”

“You’re fucking joking! HAH! Wait, wait so my intuition was correct! HAH,” she laughs again triumphantly.

“Yeah, we had a big fight. He tried to kill me, I told him it wasn't going to happen with a baseball bat. Then I decided to let him live.”

Detective Voros looks at Faoust closely. “Be level with me, do I need to go check that he’s still alive in there now?”

Faoust laughs. “No, we made up. I just fucked him.”

Detective Voros nods, and gets the feeling he’s telling the truth. “Good. Didn’t feel like getting out of this car again.” She sighs and stares off, thinking to herself. “So ...the mysterious would-be murderer...probably—“ she spares a side glance at Faoust “—isn’t who I’m looking for as the culprit in my case.”

“Probably not.” Faoust pats the top of her car. “I meant what I said! For your own safety, leave it alone.” He stands up straight and starts walking towards home.

Detective Voros sighs such an aggravated sigh it can be clearly heard all the way across the parking lot. She drives back into town, and decides not to think on this more right now, and gets dispatched to another Waffle House brouhaha for her troubles as soon as she clears from her follow up.

Isaiah realizes, at some point, that Faoust is the first person he’s ever slept with who knows his actual name.

- NEXT SNIPPET -

[tedwoodward]

Harsh Words

a Bill/Ted breakup fic

i made this post a while back that sparked a fic

Notes: this is entirely angst i’m so sorry, pre-canon, strangers to friends to lovers to exes in just 3k words!

Summary:

He wasn’t always this way. In fact, it may be hard to believe, but Ted Richards used to be known as a nice person.

In October of 2014 he started a job at CCRP Technical. Ted was a sweet man, always there with a smile and a listening ear. He asked about people’s weekends and seemed to genuinely care about their lives.

And then he met Bill Fisher. And resulting from that, in early 2016, just over a year later, Ted’s personality did a 180. Yes, you read that right. The reason for Ted’s shift in attitude came in the form of Bill. Yes, Bill, the sweet man constantly seen gushing about his daughter, the man who never has a harsh word to say about anyone. That Bill. Or, at least, that’s what Ted Richards would tell you.

Warnings: very brief mention of alcoholism; disagreements and a large argument

Read on ao3

He wasn’t always this way. In fact, it may be hard to believe, but Ted Richards used to be known as a nice person.

In October of 2014 he started a job at CCRP Technical. Ted was a sweet man, always there with a smile and a listening ear. He asked about people’s weekends and seemed to genuinely care about their lives.

And then he met Bill Fisher. And resulting from that, in early 2016, just over a year later, Ted’s personality did a 180. Yes, you read that right. The reason for Ted’s shift in attitude came in the form of Bill. Yes, Bill, the sweet man constantly seen gushing about his daughter, the man who never has a harsh word to say about anyone. That Bill. Or, at least, that’s what Ted Richards would tell you.

Ted had only heard about Bill’s divorce through the office grapevine, which he was not prone to listening to, but there’s only so much you can do to not hear the gossip in the break room. Ted felt for him. His sister had gone through a nasty divorce a few years prior, and he knew how hard the whole process had been for her, especially with the kids involved. He hadn’t planned on approaching the man, but when Bill had been having a rough day and had a minor burst of frustration in the break room due to the coffee machine acting up again, resulting in a loud bang as the side of his fist connected with the counter, Ted couldn’t stand by and not reach out.

The man had nearly collapsed into a chair at the table next to the counter, all the fight having left him in his outburst.

Ted slowly approached him, “Hey… Bill, right?”

Bill looked up from where his hand was supporting the weight of his head and nodded with a small, tired smile, “Yeah. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name. Are you new?”

Ted took a seat across from the man and smiled, “Yep! Just started last week.”

Bill found himself smiling back at the man; wow, he was infectious.

“Well, welcome! And sorry about earlier,” he mumbled, waving a hand in the general direction of the counter, “I’ve been running on caffeine for way too long, and I’m starting to crash. We really need a new coffee maker. I’m so sick of this one breaking all the time.”

He sounded so exhausted, Ted couldn’t help but offer assistance.

“Hey, if that’s the case I don’t mind making a run to Starbucks or something. What can I get ya?”

Bill was taken aback. This guy was too nice! “You don’t have to get me anything!”

Ted waved him off, “I gotta get my own caffeine fix somehow, and if that’s kaputt, I don’t mind grabbing something for you as well.”

Bill was no match for Ted’s generosity, and, with a wink and a promise to return with the fuel they needed to get through the rest of the day, the man disappeared. And Bill couldn’t help but smile after him.

The two became fast friends. It was nice to have someone around who was so caring, and that went both ways. Ted supported Bill through the tough days, and he shared stories about his sister and her kids whenever Bill worried about Alice being caught up in the divorce. Bill helped Ted settle into his new environment and worked as hard as he could to make him feel included around the office, knowing how a new workplace could be ostracizing. They fit really well together.

Naturally, it just kind of evolved into something more. Without realizing it, Bill and Ted started spending much more time together than expected. They stumbled into a relationship one evening after accidentally falling asleep while watching a movie together after work one Friday. The two men woke up with Bill’s head on Ted’s shoulder. After a brief moment of semi-awkwardly staring, trying to read each other’s thoughts, Bill kissed Ted.

Ted let Bill set the pace for their relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to rush right into things, and Bill’s mental health was much more important than anything else to Ted.

Things Bill learned about Ted:

(1) He cares so much.

(2) He can read Bill so well and immediately knows when the other is having a rough day.

(3) Ted was kicked out of the house as soon as he turned 18 and was no longer considered his parents’ responsibility. The only family he keeps in touch with is his sister.

(4) Ted secretly loves musicals, but it wasn’t until a few weeks in as Ted was dropping Bill off at home after date night that the latter recognized Jekyll & Hyde playing through the car stereo, and Ted confessed to his deep, dark secret.

(5) Ted can be a cynic at times.

(6) He gets protective over things that mean a lot to him (for future reference: do NOT poke fun at his favorite movies because he will refuse to speak to you for at least a day and only accept your apology after making you listen to his explanation about why you are Wrong).

Things Ted learned about Bill:

(1) He has so much love.

(2) When he gets excited he is the most adorable sight Ted has ever seen.

(3) He’s not the biggest fan of alcohol due to witnessing the effects of alcoholism on a family member when he was younger.

(4) If you mention something you enjoy, Bill will become an expert on it just so you can bond and have someone to talk to who understands what you’re saying.

(5) His ex-wife had Alice while they were in college, and they had stopped loving each other a while before the divorce. Bill had only wanted to stay together for Alice’s sake.

(6) His love for Alice far outweighs any other power on earth.

And that’s where things got a bit rocky.

Not to say that Ted didn’t like Alice, he was just really protective of Bill. The amount of love that man put out into the world was incredible, but it also made him vulnerable. Ted didn’t want to see him hurt, and he was scared to see what was happening with Alice.

Bill only had Alice with him for a week every month, but his world revolved around her when she was with him. It was adorable to see how excited he was to spend time with his daughter. What wasn’t adorable to Ted was hearing about how much she obviously didn’t even care and how little she paid attention to her dad the entire week.

The first day after Alice left to go back to Clivesdale Bill was always sobered, no longer his usual, happy self. Ted would be there for him, and Bill would recount his time with his daughter. What stuck out as wrong to Ted was how much love Bill poured into his child and how little he got back.

Bill defended her. She’s a teenager trying to navigate life with the addition of a divorced family, it’s hard for her. No teenager wants to spend all week hanging out with their lame dad! (“You’re not lame, Bill.” “Try telling that to a 14 year old.”) He understands. He’s not going to stop loving his daughter because she acts her age.

But Ted doesn’t get it. How could she not see the incredible father in front of her? She treats him like crap and ignores him half the time. She doesn’t deserve Bill.

A few months in, Ted told him this much, and that was the beginning of the end. Their relationship began to deteriorate. Bill couldn’t understand how Ted could say those things about a kid, about someone he loved with his whole heart, his source of joy since college. And Ted’s opinion on Alice persisted in the back of Bill’s mind.

The two started getting into arguments much more often. Bill started to see how Ted took “caring” and “protective” too far. Mixed with Ted’s cynicism, Bill was starting to see how stubborn the other man was. And they found that Alice was a topic Bill would never back down on, regardless of his usual demur response to conflict.

The pair noticed this change, of course they did. And they tried to work through it. Bill began inviting Ted along to the activities he planned with his daughter, hoping he would begin to understand and start to love Alice as much as he did. And Ted agreed to give it a go. He really loved Bill and would do anything to mend their issues, and he truly did want to see the good in Alice. Ted tried to bite his tongue and not judge the girl too harshly. He didn’t dare lash out at her when she gave her father attitude (he wasn’t a monster, he's not about to make a 15 year old cry), but it stuck with him all night and ate away at his mind and his heart so much that he couldn’t hold it in. After Alice had gone to her room for the night Bill walked Ted out to his car to say goodbye.

“I had a really nice time tonight. Thank you for being so great with Alice. You are an incredible partner, and this really shows how much you care. I really appreciate you trying.”

“Bill,” Ted sighed. They both knew what was coming. “How do you do it? You are so loving. How can you just accept the way she treats you?” His tone was soft, his eyebrows scrunched in concern. “She was so dismissive the entire time. It’s not fair that you had to carry every conversation with her and only got attitude back. It’s been eating at me all night. I don’t know if I can listen to her treat someone I love like that.”

The pair stood there with tears in their eyes, holding hands as they silently gazed at each other.

“She’s a teenager, Ted. Every kid is like this at some point, and I’m sure the divorce has just made it even worse for her. But she’s here, isn’t she? She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t care about me. She could easily just stay in Clivesdale, but she comes and visits me. I have to give my daughter love and support, Ted, especially during this time of her life, otherwise what kind of father would I be? A few moments of sass and attitude aren’t going to spoil my love for her.”

Ted seemed to take in what Bill had said. It was clear where Bill stood, and it was up to Ted if he could accept it or not. The couple embraced, and Ted made his way home.

The split didn’t come till another month or so later. The two were once again at Bill’s for movie night, somewhat of a Friday night tradition since they first got together. The movie had finished, and the pair were discussing what they had just watched. Once again, Ted absolutely refused to hear Bill out on the reason he enjoyed the protagonist as a character.

“He has such an annoying arc! Who gives a shit about the fucking love triangle? They spent half the movie focusing on who was going to end up together than they did on the actual plot line!”

“But would you rather he have no personal life outside his job? It gives him humanity to have to juggle both situations. Yeah, it’s a bit cheesy that all the issues climax at the same time—”

“I just think it’s stupid.”

“Okay then, how would you have written it differently and still given the characters believability? If you take out the romantic subplot, you lose the chance to see his soft side in addition to his brooding, professional—”

“Well, they just took it too far—”

“Are you gonna let me talk?” Bill asked.

A beat landed silently between the pair.

“What?”

Another beat as the two looked at each other.

“Are you gonna let me talk?” Bill repeated. “This entire conversation you’ve steamrolled over all of my points and refused to let me even finish my thoughts before telling me why I’m wrong.”

“I never said you’re wrong. I just have a strong opinion on this movie.”

“On this movie? What about all the other times we’ve been in this exact situation? Every time we have differing opinions on something you don’t seem to care about my thoughts.”

“Of course I care!” Ted exclaimed defensively. “I’m sorry if I monopolize the conversation, you know I talk too much. Just stop me if you have something to say.”

“But it’s not monopolizing, you just refuse to listen to me. You never give any counter-arguments other than the fact that it was ‘stupid’ or ‘annoying’ or whatever. You’re so stubborn about everything that you refuse to even listen to my opinion when it’s different from yours.”

“I’m not stubborn!”

“Yes, you are! You are relentless when you have an opinion, and you always have an opinion.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Fuck, I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to have my own opinions. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to be fucking passionate about something.”

The tension in the room was ramping up as the two men started getting angrier.

“You can be as passionate as you want, but—”

“But only about certain things, right? I can’t be passionate about a movie, I can’t be passionate about the way dishes are washed,” Ted began to list, memories from past arguments resurfacing. “I can’t be passionate about my partner’s toxic relationship with his daughter—”

“Don’t you dare bring my daughter into this,” Bill warned.

“Oh, that’s rich. Sorry for caring about you. Sorry for not wanting you to be taken advantage of by an asshole teenager who wouldn’t give two shits if you solved all life’s problems for her. I didn’t realize there was a limit on how much I’m allowed to care about you!”

Their voices were raising. They hadn’t gotten into an argument this explosive before, and they both felt it. But neither of them could back down.

“Don’t you say those things about her. You don’t even know her! You never even tried to care for her. Once you got the idea in your head that she wasn’t worthy of my love, I knew you wouldn’t be persuaded. I hoped and dreamed and tried to get you to see what I see, but you’re too stubborn. You’d never change! You can love more than one person, Ted. Didn’t you know that? My love for Alice does not detract from my love for you, but you know what does? Your jealousy and your manipulation and your bullying of my teenage kid!”

Ted scoffed, “Ha! Jealou— manipulation?” Harsh laughs accompanied his words. “Bill! All I ever wanted was for you to see that there are some people who will take and take your love and use it for their own fucking advantage and will never return it no matter how much care you show them.” His tone turned much darker. “Those people do not deserve your love, but you’re too blinded to see that no matter how much you try, you’re never going to get that perfect father-daughter relationship you want with Alice. Okay? She doesn’t. Fucking. Care.”

The two men stood there, breathing heavy and minds racing as they fiercely stared at each other.

Bill tried to compose himself and spoke with an uneven voice, “You’re an asshole, Ted. We’re done, now get out of my house. I should have ended this forever ago.” He strode past the other, cleaning up the dishes from the table next to them.

“Excuse me?” Ted followed the other man into the kitchen, trying to catch up after being taken aback by his words.

“I said, ‘we’re done’. Grab your crap and get out of here.” Bill refused to look at Ted as he washed the dishes from their dinner. “You can’t talk about my daughter like that. I don’t know why I allowed it for so long.”

Ted stared at Bill for a few moments, and when he got no other response or acknowledgement from the man he let out a deep, angry sigh. “Okay, yeah, whatever,” he clipped.

Ted stormed from the kitchen, shoved his feet into his shoes, grabbed his jacket and bag from the living room, and slammed the door on his way out.

Work was tough. It’s hard to be employed at the same office as your recent ex, if only due to the gossip. Anger was still stewing in both of them at the sight or mere mention of the other, so naturally the entire office knew what had happened by the end of the work day the following Monday.

Bill found solace in Paul who immediately supported his reasoning for the breakup.

Of course Paul would take his side, Ted thought, why wouldn’t he? Why wouldn’t the whole office? They all knew Bill much longer than they had known Ted. He’d only worked there for a year, so how much did they really know about his true character? Bill, on the other hand, was a sweetheart. After dealing with a difficult divorce and now a fresh breakup? ‘That poor man,’ they’d all think. Ted fumed.

Everyone was going to take Bill’s side. They’re going to hear all about how Ted was a heartless asshole who hates children, is desperate for attention, and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings.

You know what? Fine.

Fine. If that’s what everyone expects him to be, then that’s what Ted is going to be. There’s no use trying to get on his coworkers’ good sides when it’s his word against Bill Fisher’s. No. If Bill thinks he’s an asshole, well, all the more reason to become one. There’s no way Ted was going to go through that again. No more wearing his heart on his fucking sleeve. Obviously he’s too passionate when he cares about things, so it looks like he’ll just no longer care about anything. So no matter what fucking bullshit Bill decides to spread around about the breakup, there’s no more reputation to destroy. No, Ted gets to do that himself. That’s one thing he knows he has control over.

[nikatyler]

Oooh boy. Why do I feel like I should go straight to the replies, or else I will start talking about having a crush again? No one cares, I’m annoying, I’m sorry. Yesterday around midnight, I actually caved and told my best friend because I just couldn’t keep my feelings to myself any longer, and I was pleasantly surprised by her reaction. I didn’t want to tell her at first because we kinda tend to turn this kind of stuff into jokes, but I guess she did figure out that this time, it’s serious serious - THERE WE GO I’M OVERSHARING AGAIN I AM AN IDIOT. Anyway did I mention I love her? I don’t deserve her. She’s the best, you guys don’t even know her but I just wanted to give her a little shoutout because damn, thanks for yesterday, I thought I would explode. Also, she has an important exam in a week, so if you could send positive vibes her way, that would be great.

By the time you’re seeing this replies, I think I’m playing with Realm of Magic. I’m so excited! Last time I bought a pack on release day was with Seasons. I’m not sure who I will play this with yet. Maybe with Lucian and his girlfriend. I really hope you can somehow turn an alien into a spellcaster, even if that means he’d no longer be an alien. I don’t mind that. Whoops, hold on, was that a spoiler? Yeah, uh, Lucian is a teenager in my game at the moment, he has a girlfriend and he’s not very alien-y and I don’t care about that. Honestly…when have my aliens ever been alien-y? Miracle was the only one and she hated that (and 2019 Ronnie hates that she hated that but 2017 Ronnie didn’t know any better, long story).

Witches are something I’ve wanted in this game for a long time, so they better be good or else I’ll cry. Next up…I know everyone wants university, and I think we’ll get it, but to be fair, I don’t care about it that much. I’ll be playing university irl so I guess that makes sense. 😂 I would really like something like a band game pack, where you can form a band and have concerts and write music and…just do musician stuff, I guess. I was hoping bands would be added in Get Famous but nah, it was pretty much just acting…which I still haven’t explored. 🤦‍♀️ But yeah, band game pack is like my dream. I’m guessing it could be retro themed too, and have many references to some iconic bands?? Imagine if it was like 70s-80s inspired. Imagine THE HAIR. Did I mention I will defend weird 80s hair until the day I die? Yeah. I would really love that. I’m not saying I think a pack like this will happen, but it would be an absolute dream if it did.

TL;DR: I have a crush, I’m playing Realm of Magic and I want a band themed game pack.

autistichatkid replied to your post “Oh wow guess who’s putting nsb on long lifespan because even though…”

psa: you can use mccc to customize lifespan length!!! i dont like how fast normal goes but long is like. So Long. so i use mccc to make everything just a Lil Longer

I know you can do that, I don’t know how but it’s possible, yes! I’m not sure if I want to go for that though, I mean MCCC breaks with almost every update and knowing me, I would forget to fix my settings every single time. I think I’ll just use ea’s long lifespan and then age up people when I feel like aging them up.

desira-sims replied to your post “hey years ago you said you liked symphonic metal, do you still listen…”

Care to share some of your favorites? I’ve been in a music listening mood but feel in a rut.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “hey years ago you said you liked symphonic metal, do you still listen…”

I also don’t listen to e. g. often nowadays and… Their latest album was not my cup of tea except for song or two. And my music preference is now “whatever pleases my ears” even if it will make anyone else’s ear bleed��

Yeah sure, I can share my faves from 2-3 years ago! I’m not saying “from the genre” because I know some of these aren’t that symphonic, at this point it’s all a blur to me, to be fair. Besides, I stopped caring about genres, so…yeah. Just pointing that out so no one comes for me like “how dare you say band xy is that genre”. 

Anyway, 2-3 years ago I really loved Nightwish, Within Temptation and Sonata Arctica, those were like my holy trinity, I would listen to them all the time, every single day. The latest WT album wasn’t really my cup of tea, I like their older stuff way more. SA released a new album last week, I kinda liked it but it wasn’t love at first listen. I’ll have to go back to form an opinion on it. Again, their older stuff is better in my opinion. Nightwish…I don’t know if it’s still going on, but people really liked comparing the three different singers they’ve had, and I don’t know why, I think they’re all amazing in their own way. I believe I’ve read on Instagram that new album is coming next year and I’m so excited for that. I don’t think there’s a Nightwish album I disliked.

I also really liked Delain and…Stratovarius, I think it was called? One summer I also listened to Epica a lot, but then all their songs started sounding the same to me. Sorry to any Epica fans that might be following me 😅 And I’m fairly sure I’m forgetting someone, but I believe there should be playlists on Spotify easy to find.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Updates”

Unfortunately I didn’t manage to create a possible spouse(( but I hope there’ll be other possibilities!XD

And good luck!

There definitely will be! Lately, I kinda hate every sim I create, sooo…I’ll leave that for someone else :D

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “That morning, when Vanessa was leaving for work, I had a bad feeling….”

I don’t like this!

I didn’t think this would freak people out so much…but it did…and I’m really sorry :D

1o8percent replied to your photoset “Roxanne: Maybe if I go to bed, it’ll just come to me in a dream. I…”

I’ve definitely had story ideas come to me in a dream. I got several ideas for my completed legacy that way, so good luck Roxanne!

When I’m writing something late at night and I get stuck, it actually helps me to turn off the computer and go think about the story in bed. And ta-da, I suddenly get ideas! Some of them get lost as soon as I fall asleep, but usually the right direction stays in my head and I’m ready to pick it up as soon as I sit down to write again.

igglemouse replied to your photoset Roxy, the interaction said “feel tummy”, not “take the baby out of…”

She just can’t wait to meet her new sibling XD

That’s actually terrifying D:

brightlysimming replied to your post “I got a hug from a girl I barely know and now I’m emo, I already love…”

Aa!! That’s so great! I’m happy you had a good time!!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “I got a hug from a girl I barely know and now I’m emo, I already love…”

Congratulations! I hope you’ll have fun there! ��

I’m still not over that last weekend. Everyone was so nice and kind and fun and I loved talking to these people so much, uni will be great with them ;-; 

The best surprise to me was that there was this person, and they would come to me a few times and ask if I wanted to hang out with them away from the drunk crowds?? (we’re Czech, of course 95% of people who went to that trip got drunk in the evening -_- :D) And that was just so nice? I’m not used to people wanting to hang out with me. Also, we had great time together, if they called now I would quit everything to hang out with them :D

I’m about to start crying again. To all you lonely people struggling out there, trust me, it gets better, you’re not always going to be lonely and miserable. I thought that would be my case, but nope, things are starting to look better. And they will eventually start looking better for you too, I just know it. Don’t give up <3

lilleputtu replied to your photoset “*whispers* guys i wanna chop sunset’s hair off”

she’d look so cute with short hair! also it’s the sims, she can insta regrow it it’ll be fiiiiine

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “*whispers* guys i wanna chop sunset’s hair off”

One of the best things I ever did was put Cassandra Goth in a pixie cut. Doooo eeeet.

autistichatkid replied to your photoset “*whispers* guys i wanna chop sunset’s hair off”

������

deathflowertea replied to your photoset “*whispers* guys i wanna chop sunset’s hair off”

1 & 4 are ��

I think it’s official, we’ll be chopping Sunset’s hair off, yay!

desira-sims replied to your photoset “Meet the Teens! These guys will join my two girls, Crystal and…”

School and real life comes first, but I’ll be excited to see these simmies pop up when the time comes. ��

So am I! I’m not sure what to do right now. I want to play RoM, but when I come back to my NSB…do I finish Sunset’s generation requirements first, or do I just slowly start throwing these teens in? Kind of like I started working on Ross’s aspiration when it was technically still the Mint gen. Eh, I’ll figure it out.

tashsim replied to your post “URL Song Tag”

have to get up at 5:30 for a next month. feel your pain..

That’s not great D: I think I’d have to do that too, if I wasn’t moving to a dorm in Prague later this month. Spending so much time on the train and having to wake up so early would kill me.

elisabettasims replied to your post “Ahh, of course. I kinda forgot that I would get tan in summer, today I…”

I feel this on a personal level.

I kinda never had to deal with this before because I’ve been using foundation only for a year or so. And I’m fairly sure I’m using a lighter one now, because I definitely didn’t feel like a vampire last September :D

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photoset “Scarlett: “I saw you helped extinguish the flames too.” Talia: “I…”

talia… wyd

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Scarlett: “Well, uhh, you didn’t mess up, so…” Talia: “I’ll stay, but…”

TALIA… WYD

toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Meanwhile the contestants who have nothing to worry about gathered…”

talia you might be safe this time but you definitely should NOT be thinking you have nothing to worry about after… Earlier

I hate how this turned out D: I’ve noticed that sims in my game aren’t fond of the “enthuse about…” interactions. And then it ruins things like this.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Madeleine: “Yes! Did you see that? Today must be my lucky day!”

Don’t boast too much, love!

She’s really doing great though! Maybe she didn’t make the best first impression, but she’s been working really hard ever since.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “We didn’t start the fire It was always burning Since the world’s been…”

What’s the name of the song? I love everything connected to fireXD

It’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” by Billy Joel! Warning: It’s super catchy.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “I absolutely fell in love with these cute pants some time ago but I…”

I think I will overuse these pants now:D So thank you for introducing them in the first place:D And for shoutout!

I was glad to help! And… I remember those girls!

Thank youuu! I’m a “high waisted everything” kinda girl, so of course I had to recolour these so I could use them even more often. And I’m glad that I’m not the only one, I mean, the reblogs and likes on this post are insane.

And yay, glad you remember them! Juliet and Amber were easier to recognize, I guess, but the other two, Lily and Lavender…I haven’t posted them too much, ever. I forgot how pretty they were *-* I will definitely use them as my models for recolours and stuff.

dandylion240 replied to your post “I didn’t expect to come up with a whole backstory for Caleb and…here…”

I like your ideas for him though

Thank you so much! I’ve been seeing him on my dash a lot lately, so it’s kinda weird seeing like three different versions of him at once, especially when someone makes him do things my version of him would never do :D

whysimstho replied to your photoset “There you go…some gen 3 moments with no context. Good luck figuring…”

#5 Sunset signs here dad up for Simdr #6 it’s lit

1o8percent replied to your photoset “There you go…some gen 3 moments with no context. Good luck figuring…”

I’m intrigued by the last one.

desira-sims replied to your photoset “There you go…some gen 3 moments with no context. Good luck figuring…”

I don’t approve of the second one. No tears! I’ll gladly take more of the 4th and get the feeling she’s a little tired of seeing it all the time. Fire is also bad, but I guess the conversation was to good to stop. And that last one. Oh that’s great.

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “There you go…some gen 3 moments with no context. Good luck figuring…”

Why is Ross crying? Nothing better have happened to Caleb

*evil laughter*

I love how you guys assume the worst. I mean, I’m not surprised. I tend to accidentally kill my sims a lot this year. Well, you’ll find out very soon what is actually going on in these!

Also, just a side note, that child in picture #4 is Lucian and he’s not a girl, but I will admit he looks like one (and I’m fairly sure he knows that too and is okay with that, I mean, if he didn’t want to look like that, he’d beg for a haircut), so no worries. Just throwing it out there.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Oh, try to do Salim Benali!”

Aw he looks adorable! It makes me love him even more,

elisabettasims replied to your post “Oh, try to do Salim Benali!”

Salim is hard because he’s already pretty good looking, etc. He’s the dad of one of my sims who I did a BC with and founded my legacy on her, LOL(Anissa Hoffmann, she has her mom’s last name). Though I guess REALLY Salim and her mother are the founders but, I didn’t start a legacy until after her BC.

I agree, he’s definitely one of the few miracle townies who don’t need fixing.

Also, thank you!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Ugh, I hate this already. Can I go back to being an adorable evil…”

You can be an adorable evil child instead!

Oh, she will be.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Gwyneth: “Ready to age up, sweetie?” Avery: oh mum you bet”

Why is Gwyneth so cute I can’t even describe it!

Her cute face is the only reason why I thought “well, I could try a BPR I guess…”

Seriously. I’ve never really cared about berries, I’ve always prefered vanilla sims and berries were just something I created in cas from time to time and then never touched again. I still prefer vanilla sims and kinda doubt I’ll ever start another berry save.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Right…so now you’re a middle aged mum with a midlife crisis and a…”

I HATE THAT STUPID HAIR AND HOW IT SHOWS UP ON EVERYONE WHEN THEY AGE UP. *coughcough* Sorry. Had a bad flashback seeing that.

I hate it so much too! But actually, wanna hear a deep dark secret? I once used it on a sim…unironically. Like I actually thought it was cute.

I was 11 though, so that makes it okay, I think. I hope.

[missjanjie]

Branjie Fic | Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer (11/11)

Title: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer Summary: Brooke Lynn is a graduate student anxiously embracing her new position as her favorite dance professors’ new TA. Vanessa is a sophomore dance major who just might make her way into being more than the teacher(assistant)’s pet. (lesbian/university AU) Word Count: ~2.5k (this chapter)/~28.9k (total) Relationship: Branjie (Vanessa ‘Vanjie’ Mateo/Brooke Lynn Hytes) Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch.5 | Ch. 6 | Ch. 7 | Ch. 8 | Ch. 9 | Ch. 10

Vanessa was breathing heavily, staring up at the ceiling. Her face was red and dotted with beads of sweat. “Fuck, that was intense. Was it good for you?”

Brooke Lynn nodded with a satisfied grin. “Best one so far. Think you’ve got one last round in you?”

“But I’m so tired,” Vanessa whined, pouting and stomping her feet.

“I know you are, baby. But this is your final project. I don’t grade it, so you’ve really got to be at the top of your game,” she explained. “Come on, I think you can get through one more time before calling it a day,” she insisted.

And sure enough, Vanessa was able to get through her routine one last time before she threw in the towel. “You know we ain’t fucking tonight, right?” she murmured as she grabbed a towel to wipe her forehead.

“You say that now,” Brooke retorted with a laugh, “But you and I both know you have the willpower of a toddler at a birthday party,” she smirked at how Vanessa huffed indignantly because they both knew it was true. It was impossible for her to withhold sex as a punishment when it meant she would have to go without it as well.

Vanessa rolled her eyes and gathered her things. “Well, you at least owe me dinner,” she decided.

The day of Vanessa’s final project left her full of nerves from the moment she woke up to the moment she and Brooke Lynn walked into the studio – something no one even bothered to question, it was an open secret as Yvie had once said – and she showed no signs of calming down.

Presentations went in alphabetical order, and Vanessa greatly appreciated that – being in the middle of the pack was the perfect place to be as far as she was concerned. Katya could see what she put together, get graded, and let it blend among the other students. Normally, she loved standing out and being the center of attention, but this was different, daunting. Everything rode on this and she just hadn’t gotten her confidence up to where it needed to be.

“Nice job, Olivia,” Katya smiled as the girl sat down. Had they really gone so far down the list already? “Alright, Vanjie. You’re up next,” she called out.

Brooke gave her hand a quick squeeze. “You got this,” she whispered before nudging her towards the vacant space in the studio that was being used for the final performances.

And so, Vanessa took her place with a deep breath. She looked to Katya with a nod, signaling her to turn the music on. The beat was different than any of the ones that had been used before her, but she did her best to let that empower her, reminding herself of everything Brooke Lynn would tell her – how her uniqueness could be the best tool in her belt if she honed it in. Nobody at this school believed in her more than Brooke, and she wanted to make her proud.

“Mary J. Blige?” one girl whispered to another, getting a shrug in response. But – admittedly to Vanessa’s surprise – most of the class was smiling and nodding along as ‘No More Drama’ played through the speakers as Vanessa danced.

It was a song she had fallen in love with the very first time she listened to it. The connection she had to it was strong and fierce, so when she suggested it in her brainstorming session with Brooke Lynn, it seemed like the perfect fit. She was able to lose herself in the music, her body moving without her brain telling her where or why. Suddenly, she wasn’t in front of her classmates or Katya or even Brooke Lynn. She was in her childhood bedroom in Tampa, dancing and lip syncing into her hairbrush after her first breakup, trying to convince herself that everything would be okay.

In those moments, Vanessa was fully submerged into her passion and it was clear to everyone in that room that she deserved to be there as much as any of her trained, polished peers. They all applauded when she finished, no longer gasping for air and sweating like she had been during rehearsal.

“Great job, Vanjie,” Katya smiled in approval as her student returned to where she had been sitting down.

Brooke Lynn also gave Vanessa a thumbs up from her chair, grinning from ear to ear with an overwhelming sense of pride. She did her best to professionally watch the rest of the students, but every now and then she would catch her gaze drifting towards her girlfriend. Luckily Katya had followed through on her stance of being the sole grader of the projects as well.

By the time the class was over, the air seemed to feel lighter. Everyone was relieved to be finished – for many of the students for the entire semester. Brooke Lynn gathered her belongings – her coat, bag, and Vanessa – and headed out of the building. “It’s snowing,” she observed. “Have you ever wished you stayed in the city long enough to have a white Christmas?”

Vanessa shook her head. “Nah, it’s more fun opening presents while getting a tan if you ask me,” she chuckled, exhaling to see her breath in front of her. “You can take the girl out of Tampa, but you can’t take the Tampa out of the girl,” Brooke chuckled as they got to Vanessa’s dorm. “How far along have you gotten on packing?” she asked as they got in out of the cold. Without waiting, she answered it herself. “Let me guess, you haven’t actually started yet?”

Vanessa pouted. “Shut up,” she crossed her arms, then sighed, “I hate packing,” she whined.

“You can’t get your beachy Christmas if you don’t clear this place out,” Brooke reminded her, gathering Vanessa’s luggage bags. “Your roommate left already, right?” she asked, putting the luggage down on the stripped-down bed.

“Last night, yeah. Took a five-a.m. flight back to Ohio,” Vanessa confirmed as she finally got around to packing up. They worked in relative silence for a while before she turned to her. “I want you to come visit me over break. Not for Christmas, I know you got family to see. But during January. We deserve some real alone time,” she mused.

At first, Brooke was a little surprised by the offer, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it made – they would have to go six weeks apart after spending almost the entire semester together. Their lives had become so deeply intertwined that separating them seemed wrong. “You don’t think your mom or anyone else would mind? I wouldn’t want to impose, I could always stay at a hotel, or—”

“Brooke, dial it down,” Vanessa put her hands up on her shoulders. “My family loves you. None of them would shut up about you after Thanksgiving. Seriously, it started to get annoying as hell,” she added with a laugh. “Everyone would be thrilled to have you if, you know, you don’t mind sacrificing some family time…”

Brooke smiled warmly and leaned down to kiss her sweetly. “Spending time with you will never be a sacrifice. I’ll make it work,” she assured. The way she figured it, it would all work out – spend the holidays with her family, get her fill of Canada, then migrate down south to spend a couple weeks with her girlfriend. Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t think of a better way to spend her break. “I’ll book a flight as soon as I get back home.”

----------

“Wow, you’re really hauling ass all the way down to fucking Florida for her? I didn’t realize you two were that serious,” Katya remarked as she handed a thick folder of paper to Brooke. “Oooh, do you think she’s it? The one? I honestly thought you guys were just going to fuck and go your separate ways. Frankly, I’m impressed,” she added.

Brooke’s mouth went agape. “Really? But you’ve been trying to play matchmaker from day one,” she blinked, shaking her head before opening the folder to enter the final grades into the system.

“Well, yes,” Katya conceded, “I was going into it with the intentions of getting you laid. Falling in love was all on you, babe,” she chuckled. “So? Is she the one?”

There was a silent moment. Saying something like that out loud was setting it in stone – you can’t simply bounce back after calling someone ‘the one’. “I love her,” Brooke finally answered. “And she loves me. Neither of those things are going to change any time soon. We’re in a good place, we’ve been together about four months now, and see a future on the horizon…if that makes her ‘the one’, then yeah, I guess she is.”

“I would definitely be lying if I claimed to have seen this coming,” Katya admitted. “But if you get me accused of favoritism, I’m hunting you down wherever you are,” she warned with a laugh.

When Brooke Lynn had gotten to Vanessa’s sheet, she understood what she meant. “Hey, as someone that spent many nights watching her study, I can tell you she earned this ‘A’ fair and square. But I’m not going to spoil the surprise,” she promised. “All in all, I think this was a pretty successful term.”

Katya clasped her hand onto Brooke Lynn’s shoulder. “I’m proud of you, kid. You did good.”

Brooke smiled and put her hand on top of Katya’s. “Thank you, mama.”

----------

A’keria shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you went and invited Brooke Lynn down to Tampa. You ain’t even ask me down there yet. What the fuck?” she clicked her tongue as she wiped down the counter.

In the aftermath of the bribery and the subsequent mass walkout, the owner of a pointedly LGBTQ+ local café offered a position to A’keria, as she was the leader of it. On top of that, the pay was much better than what she would get at minimum wage in a popular coffee chain. “You just lucky I’m working here over break, Vanjie,” she added.

“Hey, this place is real nice. Got the right vibe and everything,” Vanessa chuckled. “But for real, listen, it’s…different with her, I don’t know. It’s like, I can’t stand the thought of being away from her for that long, going the whole break without her would fucking suck,” she looked down with a softer grin. “I know it’s corny as hell, but I love her. I really do.”

Looking at how happy her friend was, A’keria couldn’t stay bitter about it. “I better be your maid of honor, bitch.”

Vanessa leaned over the counter to hug her. “You know you will,” she looked at her phone and sighed. “Ima head out, go over to her place and stay there til I gotta catch my flight,” she explained, zipping her coat up. She waved as she left before shoving her hands into her pockets.

Normally, walking to Brooke Lynn’s apartment filled her with anticipation and excitement. Knowing she was about to spend time with her never failed to make her happy, something her friends would always tease her about. But this walk felt melancholic. It was the last walk she was taking there for the semester, the official signifier of the end of that chapter in their lives. She wasn’t ready for that, nor was she sure she ever could be.

Brooke Lynn had been staring out the window, waiting for Vanessa. She ran downstairs to greet her, hugging her tightly. “Hey, baby,” she greeted softly. “How long do I have you before you go?” Vanessa sighed, reluctantly pulling from Brooke to check her time. “I gotta call for an Uber in like, five minutes. I only have enough time to go grab my luggage,” she explained, going back inside with her to grab her things and bringing them back out to the sidewalk. They didn’t speak much, just holding hands tightly until the order had to be placed.

“Oh, I hate goodbyes,” Brooke finally said with a pout. The uber was rounding the corner, they had run out of ways to delay the inevitable. “I’m gonna miss you so much,” she kissed her for what could have been the hundredth time in the past ten minutes. “Promise me you’ll call as soon as you get home, okay?” she insisted, cupping her face and stroking her thumb across her cheek.

Vanessa giggled wetly, just enough to choke back tears. “It’s only a month,” she reminded both of them. “January nineteenth I got you all to myself again,” she assured. “I’ll call you, I promise,” the Uber driver honked the horn lightly. “I better get going. I’ll talk to you real soon. I love you.”

With one more kiss for the road, Brooke Lynn grudgingly let Vanessa go. “I love you too,” she replied and helped her load up the car. Even when she stepped back and the car pulled away, she stood on the sidewalk and watched it, staying in place until it left her field of vision.

The walk back inside felt colder, the wind felt harsher, and even escaping into her heated apartment didn’t take away the icy stinging that followed her. She hung up her coat and walked into the living room, a weak smile finding its way onto her lips.

Stacked in the corner of the room were multiple boxes of Vanessa’s things, left with the intention of her moving in for the next semester. With the apartment locked up for the winter, they could start the spring together as soon as they returned.

----------

“Flight 287 to Tampa International Airport is now boarding at gate fifteen. Once again, flight 287 to Tampa International Airport is now boarding at gate fifteen.”

Brooke Lynn looked down at her boarding pass – flight 287. This was it, the last moment she had alone before she would make the thirteen hundred-mile, three-hour flight down to Florida. She bet Vanessa was already preparing for her arrival, begging her family not to embarrass her. She bet she spent time convincing her mom to let them share Vanessa’s room and ignoring her siblings teasing her for it.

Deep breath. Go to the gate. For a moment, she wondered what would happen if she changed her mind – took the last chance she had to leave her first and most serious relationship. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t been scared, hadn’t spent days of the past month questioning everything that had happened, wondering if it was too good to be true.

But then she looked at her phone, at the lockscreen of the two of them. Brooke walked confidently to the gate and onto the plane. She had no desire to run away, something that surprised everyone back home, and even herself. She, no, they could do this – they could handle whatever happened next. Because that was what love is all about, isn’t it? Someone to hold your hand when you’re standing at a crossroad.

Or, throwing herself into your arms when you arrive in her hometown. It was about that embrace, that warmth, the satisfaction of longing coming to an end. Love was all about whatever they had, and whatever was coming next.

[mysdrymmumbles]

Rambling below the cut, nothing important

I think I’m coming out of a depressive episode rn because for like a month or so I wasn’t doing anything. No writing, no talking to the budgies, hated having to water my plants. 

I was just getting dragged to the gym, playing wow (which felt like a chore), or sleeping. Part of the reason I would still play wow was because I knew I had to do something other than sleep.

Gross, but I wasn’t even showering but like every 4 days. 

I’ve started talking to the budgies again, for like the last two weeks. I was feeding them and cleaning their cages, but like beyond that, I just shut down. There were days where I didn’t even pet my dog once.

Part of me wants to get rid of my budgies because it’s a form of neglect to not interact with them and all, and even though I do when I’m on an up swing, I still know there will be more downswings and stretches where I lose track of the days and stuff. 

And that’s not really fair to the animals.

But also, I feel like having them kept me getting up in the morning. One of the only reasons I’d get out of bed is because I knew they needed food and fresh water.

but I’m doing a bit better. 

And I love them. I like to talk to them and sing to them and watch horror movies with them. They’ll tilt their heads as they listen to me and sometimes I can tell their chirping is directed at me. They’re still a bit wary of me, but that’s because I don’t interact with them enough.

Then there’s the fact that I don’t have any friends I can visit with really. Everyone I’m friends with lives out of city or state or country and I’m not good at initiating conversations, so I don’t talk to people a lot. I don’t know how to talk to people in general.

I dunno what happened. When I was five, I’d jump up on a stage and sing for strangers and get the other little kids to play with me.

Now it’s an achievement to say hi to someone. 

And I’m having trouble sleeping at night.

And ants are eating my sweet peppers, my cucumbers got a blight, my first watermelon died horribly, and it felt like everything was going wrong with that front.

Things are doing a bit better now. I’m testing picking the sweet peppers a bit earlier to see if they ripen indoors, and I have two other watermelon that might make it. And I got like 5 cucumbers before the blight took the plants.

And I learned that jalapenos turn red and so do banana peppers. Which is neat.

And I’ve gotten like over a hundred cherry tomatoes and dozens of regular tomatoes.

And the broccoli is broccling so I might get some of that. I dunno what’s going on with the brussel sprouts.

And then there’s the bathroom. The walls are crooked and one is literally angled wrong. We can tell because the tiled floor. The tile pieces along the wall get bigger as they go toward the tub because the wall was put in at an angle. 

They put the cabinet across from the toilet and it’s got me feeling claustrophobic. If I was an inch taller, I would hit my head every time I get up from the toilet. Probably less than that.

My parents have decided to give up on my bathroom for the most part and hope the second crew does a better job on theirs, so I’m stuck with crooked and angled walls and a badly placed cabinet.

And I’m coming down with a cold.

And every time I see the news something terrible is happening and I feel helpless and trapped. I’m genuinely terrified of the future if I think about it for more than a minute.

I’m scared of global warming. I’m scared because Trump pulled out of the nuclear arms agreement with Russia. I’m scared my country is going to become the next nazi germany. I’m scared that, considering how much bigger we are than Germany and how much more we spend on our military that if we go that way, no one will be able to stop us. I’m scared because they’re trying to make antifa a terrorist organization and because it’s not an organization there will be no way to prove you’re not a part of it. Dissenters will be labeled as terrorists and because of our post 9/11 laws people who are ‘terrorists’ can be detained without a trial and held indefinitely and tortured.

It’s like this massive trainwreck is happening in slow motion and I can see what’s coming but nothing I do stops it. And as much as people are trying to mitigate the damage and save the parts of the train that haven’t crashed yet, nothing is working.

And then I look at things like learning to drive or getting a better job and it feels so pointless because we’re all gonna be dead in like 5 years or whatever.

so yeah. 

still pretty bummed out but I’m doing better. And at least there’s stuff like pokemon go and budgies and Halloween and the gym to temporarily distract me from the looming destruction of my country and all that.

[markrichardson]

My Year in Spotify Listening

Like a lot of people I checked out the Spotify year-end summary thingy, and since Spotify is only a certain percentage of my listening, the results were surprising, and I tried to figure out what it meant. In general, I listen to new music via iTunes, if I am sent promos. That only encompasses a certain amount of new music of course, but if I’m sent a download, I tend to use that for my listening all year long. Often, I’m “done with” an album more or less by the time it comes out, but sometimes I’ll keep listening (as w/ DJ Koze this year) and I do that with my promo files. My Spotify listening tends to be a mix of things I stick on a few different playlists based on mood or genre, and they could come from anywhere (but they aren’t usually new). 

In terms of my favorite artists (Bill Evans wound up in my top spot, somehow, followed by Joni Mitchell) it was hard to figure out how it’d happened, because I didn’t spend the year obsessed with either. Then I looked at my 100 most played songs, and that did bring back a few things. I’m not sure if the whole list is in order, but the first 5 songs in the playlist are the 5 listed when Spotify gave me my most-listened-to tracks of the year, so I think so? Anyway, that’s what I am going with here. This is how my Top 10 songs show up on the playlist, in order, with one exception: in the middle of the list was Bow Wow Wow’s “See Jungle,” which I already wrote about on Tumblr 8 years ago (and about which I have very little to say now, except that yes I do still listen to this song a fair amount), so I’ve omitted that and included No. 11. 

Wussy: “Runaway” This was my favorite song of the year, it has 600 plays on Youtube and 5,400 on Spotify, which makes me a little sad. Technically it’s not from this year—Wussy put this out on a small-release tape or CD-R a few years ago—but I’m still counting it. This is the rare case where the streaming media playcounts tend to match the responses of folks I’ve talked to about this song—I mentioned to 4 or 5 people, and in each case they said “Yeah that’s kind of nice I guess...why do you like it so much?” I’ll try to answer that here.  

First I should say that I have no real interest in or knowledge of Wussy. They’re an indie rock band from Ohio, most notable at this point for the fact that Robert Christgau loves them, and has written rapturous reviews of their work over the years, which surely has helped them to achieve whatever small amount of notoriety they have. I checked them out here and there but they didn’t make much of an impression on me. I wish I could remember how I came across this particular song, but I can’t, probably either Twitter or a streaming media algorithm. But I loved it immediately, like, stop-what-you-are-doing-and-listen kind of loved. It just clicked. 

The first thing that comes to mind is the chorus: “I love you, let’s run away.” That’s the theme of so many of my favorite songs, I mean, the first album I bought in my life was “Born to Run,” and if you could sum up the first three Springsteen albums in in 6 words, “I love you, let’s run away” wouldn’t be bad. And I think I liked that this song didn’t try for poetic phrasing, just said it in the simplest way possible.

But the romance of a song like this has a shade of darkness to it, and that draws me in even more. Escape is never a long-term strategy. Eventually you have to figure out how to make life work when you’re in the thick of it. So while it’s such an appealing dream to exit the world with someone you’re crazy about, there is a shelf life to that sort of gesture. I relate to this idea of being fed up with everything in the moment and wanting to jump in the car with the only person who gets you, but eventually, the car is is going to need gas. What then? 

I didn’t know when I first heard this song that it was a cover, so the immediate impact of it was as a Wussy song. But I learned that it was written and recorded by another Ohio artist that people in the band had known, a woman named Jenny Mae. She died last year. Pitchfork did a news story on her passing. She was 49. And when I found that it was her song, I listened to her version and I loved it almost as much (but not quite), though her take also made my Spotify Top 20. I did think enough of her version to order the 7-inch, which was her first release. When I read about Jenny Mae’s life, the song took on another layer of meaning. She suffered from mental illness and self-medicated with alcohol. And she was described by people who knew her as brilliant and creative and hilarious but also impulsive and self-destructive. Which for me gives a sentiment like “No one likes us anyway / I hate my job / Sweet, sweet are the innocent / I love you, let’s run away” and “40 ounce between your legs/ Shakin up my heart / Turn around and look at me / Light another smoke” a different tint. These are the kinds of things you say when in the throes of a rush of feeling, but they’re not impulses you can safely follow for a lifetime, even though goddammit, sometimes I want to.

Bo Diddley: “Nursery Rhyme” In Richmond early this year I bought an old Bo Diddley album called The Originator. I saw it in a used bin, it was $20, and, it was pure instinct, I had a feeling it was interesting. For me, buying used records, $20 is a fair amount of money, I don’t pay that for something I’ve no idea about, typically. But something compelled me to pick it up. I was intrigued that it had none of the hits I knew. And I took it home and when I put it on a short while later it blew my mind. This surprised me because on the one hand it sounds so much like the idea of “Bo Diddley” I keep in my brain, the one rhythm we know from the song he named after himself, but this was just so controlled, so well rendered, with so much atmosphere. The whole thing is brilliant. I became particularly obsessed with this cut from the record, and then I started exploring the “Bo Diddley” beat in general, reading whatever I could about it and listening to examples. This kind of random deep-dive is the best thing about the internet era for a music fan. 

Mulatu Asatke: “Tezeta (Nostalgia” At nights when I hang out with my Mom at her condo in Michigan I play music over a Bluetooth speaker I bought a year ago. My Mom’s default has for a while been to put the television on, but at some point I asked her about playing music instead so we could talk or just hang out, and she grew to like it. Sometimes we’ll chat about stuff, and sometimes she will play Candy Crush on her iPad while I do things on my phone, which sounds distant but is actually very comforting to me. One of the things I’m doing on my phone during these evenings is finding songs to play. It’s quite fun (and interesting) for me to say to myself “What is a playlist that would make my Mom happy?” and then try and figure out what that might be on the fly. She was never really a music person so I don’t have a lot to go on, mostly her age, a story or two about a song she liked, and a vague knowledge of what she might have heard on the radio in my lifetime. 

In September, my Dad died, and I stayed with my Mom in her condo for a number of days that month. I felt a strange mix of feelings. On the one hand, he was father, I missed him, I thought about never being able to talk to him again, to not be able to share the things in my life. I thought about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to learn more about his life, my knowledge of which is pretty sketchy. There were all the usual things a person would be sad about. But then there was the fact that he had a severe and debilitating case of Parkinson’s disease for the last eight years, and at times he suffered so terribly. I remembered how on a few occasions he called me while he was delusional, he would tell me that he was sure he was going to die. One time, he told me that he saw someone in the driveway who was going to kill him. Another time, he said that it was hard to explain but that he had been split into two people, and he couldn’t take it, he was terrified. I told him that it would be better tomorrow and he yelled, “I’m going to be dead by tomorrow!” I would get calls like this while I was walking to work in Brooklyn 700 miles away, and I would feel so helpless. And so when he passed, I thought about him during situations like that, and also felt like maybe not he had some peace. 

A night or two after my Dad died I was sitting with my Mom, talking, and playing music. She dug out some old photos and we were looking at them, pictures from her in high school that I had never seen. I wanted to see everything, learn every detail. And over that Bluetooth speaker I was playing some random playlist I had found called something like “Jazz for late night.” I wanted background music. And while we were hanging out and talking, this song came on, “Tezeta” by the Ethiopian jazz bandleader Mulatu Astatke. And man, it’s hard to describe, but the mood of this song so perfectly captured the exact feeling I had. The phrase that comes to mind is “bombed out,” that’s the way it seemed, like I’d been beaten up and thrown in a ditch and my ears were ringing and now I was trying to reorient myself after all that had happened. There was a feeling of weariness and sadness but also a feeling that life continues, that we have to gather our memories and keep on. And this impossibly beautiful song captured every bit of that, the one-chord riff moving ahead, in spite of it all, while the sax line captures all the sadness dripping off everything at the same time. I listened to it constantly in the weeks afterward.  

Galaxie 500: “Fourth of July” (live) One of my favorite songs by one of my favorite band in my favorite version. This song is indicative of how (as with all songs on this list) when I’m in the mood I can listen to one track over and over. On a couple of occasions in 2018, I listened to this maybe 8 or 9 times in a row, immediately hitting “back” when it had finished. And the thing I was typically listening to was Naomi Yang’s bassline, which to me holds the lion’s share of the song’s feeling. Her bass playing in Galaxie 500 is so incredibly emotional to me, and it was never more so than here. 

Pusha T: “Infrared” The one truly “new” song on here.” I didn’t have an advance of this record so I listened on Spotify when it came out and I loved it. And this song in particular seemed so perfect, the carefully constructed rap, executed as if it’s coming off the top of his head, the sample—I listened to this many times in a row on a few occasions, and it also sent me to revisit Clipse, which brought me a lot of joy. 

Joni Mitchell: “Carey” Another song about freedom, but here it’s real. Blue is a perfect record but I probably revisit this one more than any other single song because I’m so in love with the production—that bass, that hand percussion...sonically, an album recorded almost 50 years ago simply cannot be improved upon. I remember hearing this one on AM radio when I was very young. It was a single, b/w “This Flight Tonight,” one hell of a 7-inch. I’ve always thought the picture it painted was so incredibly romantic—”Maybe I’ll go to Amsterdam, maybe I’ll go to Rome / And rent me a grand piano and put flowers 'round my room.” Hey, why not! And if Carey is indeed keeping her in this tourist town, we know it’s only for another hour, another day, another week, whenever she’s ready, she can’t be tied down. But then, that’s the future: this night, now, is a starry dome, and we’re alive, inside it. 

Arthur Russell: “That’s Us/Wild Combination” Sometimes w/ my favorite Arthur Russell songs you can hear the strain as he creates a new genre trying to get a particular unnamable feeling across. But not this one. Sitting in a room with his friend Jennifer Warnes he made a song that feels as natural as a breath. 

Carole King: “Pleasant Valley Sunday” I’m in awe of Carole King’s ability to write songs that sound perfect on the radio. Even if her prime hitmaking years only lasted a bit over a decade, the number of her songs with her name on them that left a huge mark on culture is staggering. Her demo for the Monkees hit “Pleasant Valley Sunday” shows how perfect everything was before the artist who would bring the song to the public got anywhere near it. I found this one on Youtube 8 or 9 years ago and it’s been in regular rotation since. 

Hank Williams: “The Angel of Death” In February and March I was doing research my Pitchfork Sunday Review on Bruce Springsteen’s Nebraska. It’s one of my favorite records, and I’ve wanted to write something long on it for years, so spending time w/ it as the winter wound down was an intense pleasure. It’s common knowledge that Springsteen was listening to a lot of Hank Williams when he was writing the album, and when I came across this song, I became obsessed with it. One, the melody sounds right off Nebraska, and “My Father’s House” (another song I listened to a lot this year) especially seems directly modeled on it. But this song has so much going for it on its own. It’s about death and the moment of judgement, but Hank’s melody and phrasing don’t sound frightened. It’s hopeful, a prayer instead of an admonishment. 

Guided by Voices: “Motor Away” I’ve loved this song for years but I listened to it intently around the same time I was playing the Hank Williams, when I was thinking about leaving Pitchfork. I’ve never been a big fan of Robert Pollard’s lyrics (though I love many of his tunes), but he second line here is the one I couldn’t put out of my mind: “When you free yourself from the chance of a lifetime.” That’s where I felt I was. Editing this music magazine that I cared so much about was the culmination of a dream that took a long time, a ton of work, and a fair amount of luck to realize. When the chance of a lifetime comes along, you’re supposed to hold on to it as tightly as possible for as long as possible, until someone finally pries it away, which will happen eventually. I knew that. And yet, deep down, I knew that after 11 years, I wanted to try something else. Run away, motor away, drive away. Sometimes a song can give you the tiniest push.

[nancywheelxr]

(our friends set us up on a blind date as a prank because we don’t like each other but neither of us wants to let them win so ) | Part 8:

( part 1 ) ( part 2 ) ( part 3 ) ( part 4 ) ( part 5 ) ( part 6) ( part 7 )

Game nights at Kara’s are always very fun in a very competitive sort of way. Winn loves every second of it. And it’s been around as a tradition for about as long as he’s known her. It’s the sort of thing that used to be just for fun and then stayed existing just for the normalcy. It’s kind of impossible to imagine life without those weird nights now.

This one, though. For this one, he’s as nervous as the first time he talked himself into knocking on her door.

“We can do this,” he says half to the mirror, half to his anxiety. They can do this. “It can’t be that hard.” His sentence rises at the end, almost bending into a question; too dubious to be a statement.

“It will be the first time they all see us together outside of work and its distractions,” Brainy answers him from the living room anyway, still idly flipping through channels. He’s been slowly becoming more comfortable in Winn’s apartment after their fake-date and dinner at Valentine’s Day; Winn is sure even his small one-bedroom is better than the dorms at the DEO. “Are you ready yet? I’d rather not be late.”

A deep breath. Not to say, of course, that they don’t get into each other’s nerves anymore. “That’s not as helpful as you think,” he calls back, then quieter, “asshole.” To be fair, they should get all the insults out of the way before going to Kara’s, you know, really get it out of their systems.

“I apologize, it was not my intention to make it worse,” Brainy appears at the door, seizing him up with a carefully neutral face. Winn is surprised he didn’t hear him approaching, even more at the petty need not be found lacking that rises at the inspection. He tugs at his collar at the same time Brainy clears his throat, “to me, knowing all the parameters of a situation helps. What would help you?”

Not to be under a microscope tonight. Instead of replying, he meets his eyes on the mirror with a look that hopefully carries all he really wants to say, and splashes water on his face, wishing to dispel some of his nerves with the cold. If he’s being honest, he’s not even that sure why he’s so apprehensive.

“If it helps,” Brainy continues, a little hesitant, passing him the towel hanging by the door, “they have no reason to be suspicious, they want to believe us.”

Clutching the towel on his hand, Winn gives him an almost-smile. “Now, this helps,” he dries off, hiding the full extent of his grin, “thanks. But we should get going or we’ll be late even by my standards.”

Maybe Brainy is right, things might be fine tonight. If anything, everyone will be already expecting bickering from all sides, it’s game night. Maybe, as a surprising amount of things in this lie, it will be easier than he expects it to be.

*

The kitchen table is littered with snacks and Winn is sure this is what heaven looks like. Why was he so nervous earlier again? Nothing could possibly go wrong with this much junk food available.

Besides, now that everyone’s here, the air is full of laughter and inside jokes and the warm, steady promise of friendship– it’s really hard to be nervous.

This is his family, of course it’s going to be okay.

“So how was the date?” comes Lena’s voice, drifting faded from the living room.

Right. Even if they’re halfway through this stupid lie.

“Very nice,” follows Brainy’s reply, “even though, Winn was five minutes late.”

Scoffing to himself, Winn makes his way around the counter, taking the bowl of chips with him, “hey, you should be nicer,” he says over the prattle, “I’m your boyfriend now.”

Brainy makes space for him on the floor, “I am being nice, it’s why I said five minutes, instead of the fifteen.”

“Thanks, really,” Winn deadpans, leveling him with a deeply unimpressed glare, and sets the bowl on the table.

Lena snickers, laughing fondly at his grudging expression as he holds one arm open, letting Brainy settle back against him. After over two months of pretending, casual touching like this is easy– Winn has always been an affectionate, tactile person, it wasn’t hard to accommodate Brainy into his personal bubble. It’s almost nice.

“Okay, are we ready for this?” Kara calls their attention, tapping a spoon against her beer, “after some serious requests, I have finally dug out Clue!” She sets the box on the middle of the table, smiling proudly at their cheering.

“I have not played this before,” Brainy whispers, watching Kara bring out the board and all the pieces. “Is the title as misleading as the others?”

“No, actually,” Winn says, “it’s pretty much what it says on the tin. Someone murdered Mr. Boddy and we gotta figure out who, where, and with what.” He snags two pieces before Alex could claim them all and start assigning them like codenames, “here, you should be Professor Plum.”

Turning it over on his hand, Brainy raises an eyebrow, “and who will you be?”

“Apparently,” he snorts, “Ms. Peacock.”

“Alright,” Alex calls, shaking the dice on her closed fist, “where’s Miss Scarlet?”

With a tired, long-suffering sigh, James raises his hand. “Let’s get this over with, hand over the dice.”

“Here you go, Red.”

James sighs again.

*

“Alex!” Kara cries, throwing the last of the chips at her sister. “You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating? It’s Clue,” she laughs, ducking and holding up a pillow as a very ineffective shield, “and– stop it– you’re wasting food!”

“Okay,” James stands up, watching Kara scrap the bowl for ammunition with a face that doesn’t seem to decide if it wants to be amused or afraid, “I think it’s time for refills.”

“Hold up,” Winn detangles himself, unfortunately flailing all the while, “I’ll help you.”

The brewing war in the living room is left behind as he wanders into the kitchen behind James, going straight for the cabinets and raiding them for Kara’s emergency stash of chips.

Bags are poured into another bowl in relative silence, as they eavesdrop into the bickering drifting in. It’s imported to keep up with it, really, by the time they get back, it might already have devolved into an all-out war and they might have to choose sides and– Kara squeals, followed by a burst of laughter, and both of them turn to see her clinging to the couch behind her, crumbs all around, and Alex holding the bowl above her, grinning darkly satisfied.

But it’s not any of it that catches his attention.

No, while it is a funny scene to watch and it does startle a chuckle out of him, it dies on his throat once his gaze lands on Brainy. Winn can’t look away. Because Brainy is laughing openly, and Winn hasn’t noticed this before, but when Brainy smiles it lights up his whole face, makes him look younger, and it’s just–

James sidles up beside him, elbowing Winn lightly, “I know that face,” he chuckles, way too entertained by the whole thing, “it’s your smitten face.”

His mind screeches to a stop, and Winn freezes for a second, before going into overdrive and whipping his head around fast enough to give himself whiplash in compensation. “What?” His voice cracks embarrassingly. He clears his throat. Is his mouth hanging open? It might, he’s not entirely sure what’s going on, things are spiraling fast. “ I mean, what, pshh, why would you say that?”

“Uh, because I know you? And I’ve seen it way too many times now not to recognize it?”

That’s. Wow. When you think you know a guy– seriously, how long have they known each other and– how can James even. That’s. Wow. It’s supposed to fool everyone but, this is something else; for James to just come out and say that– where did he even. Wow.

“You okay there?” James, who clearly does not know Winn as well as he thinks, asks. He even has the gall to sound concerned. “I know it’s still fairly new– I didn’t mean to freak you out, man.”

Winn shakes his head, burying his inner monologue for later when he’s not supposed to be agreeing to this so very wrong statement. “You didn’t freak me out,” he shrugs, kind of trailing off. How do you follow up on that? Goddamnit, it’s too soon for Winn of all people to get tangled up in the lies. If anyone should trip, it should be Brainy, not him. “You just– caught me by surprise, that’s all. Kinda forgot you were there for a sec.”

“I hear that, alright,” and man, it’s the chuckling that irks him. James is just so sure, it’s. It’s whatever. “You were smiling like you didn’t see anyone else,” he claps Winn in the shoulder, calling back as he ducks out of the kitchen, “you’ve got it bad, man.”

Well, would you look at that. Maybe Winn should have looked into the Broadway thing, after all.

Who would’ve thought he’s such a good actor.

*

Clue goes about as well as it was expected. It’s to no one’s surprise when Alex wins, although Lena narrows her eyes in a way that promises hellfire of a payback later and Kara pouts, already resigned to be caught in the middle of that.

With the night winding down, they exchange the board games for a movie, because in all honesty, they have all missed getting together like this. Winn had not been there for the worst of it, but he’s seen the last drags of awkwardness lingering after all that went down last year.

To have everyone in the same room without any pressure, it’s kind of a miracle.

They’re mostly fine with not talking about it, though.

But the movie seems to be one of Alex’s, some action flick that demands just this tiny bit more of attention than he can give it right now. It’s a Friday night, and Winn’s tired; he’s been working all week, he’s so, so tired, he can feel gravity winning and his body tilting, head lolling to the side, eyelids insurmountably heavy. Maybe, if he closes his eyes for just a second, then–

Just one teeny-tiny moment, then he’ll give the movie all of his attention.

The warm, soft wall he’s leaning against shifts, and Winn burrows in the warmth more comfortably. An arm wraps around his shoulder, and oh, right, it’s a person. Something nags at his mind, too faint to go through the sleepy haze setting in, and Winn lets it slide away, as he goes further and further into the dark.

With the background noise quieting down around him, Winn sleeps.

*

A hand shakes his shoulder.

Scowling, Winn half-heartedly tries to bat it away, holding his pillow closer.

Someone coos nearby.

Now, his eyes fly open.

The first thing he sees is dark green, soft under his cheek. A sweater, his brain helpfully supplies with an unwanted delay. Then, there’s awareness of his surroundings– shit, right, he was at Kara’s, game night then a movie, and– “where’s everyone?” He mumbles, pushing himself off Brainy.

“Lena left half an hour ago, James is probably still waiting for his taxi outside,” Kara counts off her fingers, grinning unashamedly, “and Alex is out cold in the guest bedroom.”

His legs are still unsteady, stiff from sleep, and Winn is forced to accept Brainy’s hand to pull him up. Maybe if he weren’t still dazed and a little disoriented, he wouldn’t be so blasé about all of this, but as it is– things are already so goddamn weird, why not just go along with it?

“You have slept through the entire movie,” Brainy tells him, monotone, dusting himself off, “overall, it was very inaccurate.”

“That’s what you got from it?” Winn snorts, accepting his jacket from Kara. He gives her a smile, opening his arms in an invitation for a hug and she goes easily, laughing. “Told you we’d resurrect game night.”

“Says the guy who slept through half the night,” she turns him around, pushing him back towards Brainy, “here, I think this is yours.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Brainy makes a terribly resigned face, trading a sympathetic look with Kara over his shoulder, both struggling to keep a straight face. She herds them out the door, bundled up in scarves to brave the cold weather, snickering at his dramatically offended face. “Thank you for inviting us,” Brainy says, stepping out in the hall, and Winn takes his hand.

“Yeah,” he echoes through a yawn, nodding at Brainy’s direction, “what he said.”

Kara waves goodbyes, shutting the door with a soft click, leaving them alone in the empty hallway, and Winn drops his hand.

See?

Broadway-levels acting right there.

[kookiesbadhabits]

My Firsts [M] no. 1

gif credit

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6?

SUMMARY: three hot boys. one girl. college!au.

PAIRING : vminkook x reader

WORD COUNT: 3.1k

GENRE: fluff, introduction

Part 2 (real plot) coming 5.21.18-5.23.18 

Description

A love... square? I love me some maknae line okay?

So this might be the ONLY story I have ever made a draft for with an ONGOING series in mind, instead of just a smutty oneshot. Don't get me wrong, there's going to be a whole lot of sin, but expect minimal porn logic, but real plot. These boys' characters are based on my life, but in not wanting it to hit too close to home, I'm adding a bit of a twist. 

Based on a true story: that is my mess of a love life (like seriously my life can seem very fanfiction with the level of drama with these three boys. also minus the smut in my life of course, i wish my sex life were this exciting, but maybe in a world with almost no risk of contracting STDs or a world with effortless straight As in university courses) The characters are inspired by some past loves in my life, so this should be a fun little ongoing series I want to try out. 

Also, for context, all three boys plus reader are the same age. 

Opening/Prologue?:

*READER POV*

Boys in general sure are dangerous, but god, these three in particular are on a whole other level. How did I earn such luck to find myself with our paths all intersecting at once?

THE BOYS:

Kim Taehyung was my first everything. Well, every "first" a clueless 8-year-old could comprehend. The first crush, the first boy to push me on the swing, the first guy best friend, the pure-and-filled-with-curiosity-and-confusion first kiss, the first boy I asked to be my boyfriend after all my classmates started asking each other out. He was the first to make me laugh the hardest I ever thought I could; the first to make me cry the hardest I ever could. The first boy to break my heart: my first "almost love". That was who he was to me from elementary to junior high. 

Can you blame me for taking the emotions so seriously? I was just a young, ignorant tween with all my hormones out of whack. None of that should matter anymore, it was a small piece of my past, a small milestone in life, it should have been completely irrelevant to who I became and where would bring me, or us. I guess I was a fool to think it would be entirely irrelevant, we are attracted to what we're familiar with after all. 

Nevertheless, Taehyung was such a blurred fragment of my past, I was already a completely different person by the time we ran into each other for the first time in six years, right there on our university's orientation day. So why did bumping into him and slowly recognizing him feel like a truck against my chest? Seeing him shouldn't have struck such a heavy chord with me, so why?! 

The least of my worries should be none other than Park Jimin, I know this for sure. He was my high school sweetheart, my first real boyfriend, first real kiss . . . first to be intimate with. Two years of growth well spent, back when neither of us had developed a sliver of personality. Our relationship had its fair share of cataclysmic moments, but it was worth it in knowing how well we existed together in that snippet in time. 

We fought frequently due to the difference in our values and passions, and our clashing personalities in general. He was my exact opposite, aloof, childish, an improviser, clueless, innocent and hopeful. I was reserved, serious, ambitious, a careful planner, too mindful for my own good; a realist. I was aware that our relationship had slim chances of keeping its strength after graduation, with him not enrolling to the same post-secondary school. Not to mention, our relationship had been kept a secret from my family for its entirety due to my parents and their rules to keep me focused on my studies. 

As I predicted, after high school graduation we had grown stagnant in our relationship, no longer growing as people. He was a safe anchor, a source of unconditional love, so unconditional that neither of us worked to help improve the other anymore. I loved him but I outgrew him, so naturally I broke up with him on the worst possible day: the day after our 23rd month together, the same day as his father's first death anniversary. I knew it would paint me as the worst person in his eyes, but maybe that's just how I wanted it.

Finally, there is the most dangerous of all, in that I cannot deduce why I feel such a strong pull towards him. He is exactly not my type and it doesn’t add up. I was introduced to him as I was being absorbed into a friend group by my first uni friend, he instantly became the first man in uni to have an energy that effortlessly drew me towards him. This man is Jeon Jungkook, a cheeky flirt clearly hiding behind the mask of a self-fulfilled prophecy as an asshole. 

In the first instances we had met, Jungkook spent two hours pining for my attention, like a child scrambling towards a shiny new toy. Killing time in the library, our "study" group played a bootleg version of Cards Against Humanity. I had read him enough to know what would make him laugh, and he proved so in his verbal praise on my anonymous answers. The whole while we felt connected, we met after all. In just meeting, I knew the universe had already shifted for us. He spent the whole rest of the day finding excuses to continue to spending time with me, actually the whole rest of the term. 

Sadly, I knew he spelled nothing but trouble. Fortunately, it was the kind of trouble I was longing for.

Anyways, enough blathering on about these three boys with such vague air to it, why don't I start from the beginning? I'm ________, 18 years old, in the middle of my first year of university, and had no idea what I was about to get into.

Chapter 1 - Chance Meetings

“CHILDHOOD FRIEND: THE FIRST CRUSH”

"Hey ______," an unfamiliar and rather deep voice calls out to me as I brushed past a small huddle of friends in the crowded university centre.

I instinctively replied hey back, only to stop in my tracks in realizing I didn't recognize the voice. Stunned, and a little confused, I glance over only to lock eyes with a complete stranger with a small friendly smile walking away in the opposite direction.

With a perplexed look plastered on my face, the stranger brushes past his group of friends towards me. My curiosity compelled me to stay put. My eyes, and head naturally tilted up slightly to keep eye contact. He was tall. His sweater was from some high school other than mine, so he couldn't be an old classmate. He just kept smiling at me, beaming like he had met an old friend.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I finally asked politely. 

He chuckled, "You don't remember me?" gesturing towards himself, pausing as if waiting for his appearance to sink in with my memories. I was still stumped no matter how long the pause, and honestly it was getting too awkward to bear for someone like myself, who doesn't usually voluntarily make small talk with people, much less with strangers.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I do?" I replied, furrowing my brows trying to will some kind of familiarity still looking up at him and his big boxy smile. 

"You look great though!" He continued, practically disregarding my current confusion. "You here for orientation too? This little scavenger hunt is pretty lame, don't you think?" 

Not wanting to be rude, I put on my best socializing voice. "Aww, thank you!" I replied, matching his friendly energy. "I'm actually not. My sister brought me to give me the tour herself, she told me how boring orientation would be."

As we carried on, I kept thinking about who the heck this mans could possibly be? We ended up talking about high schools, he went to XX high, and I mentioned I went to YY high. I noticed his hoodie was not just any school sweater, he was in vocal jazz. 

"So he sings," I thought as I pondered who I knew as a friend that was a good singer. 

Finally, his goofy smile sinks in, and my eyes grew wide and lips pursed into a small 'o' 

"Oh my god, Taehyung?!" I exclaimed, he only laughed at my reaction, though pleased I finally recognized him.

"Most people call me V now but hearing you call me that is so nostalgic," he smiled softly. 

I blushed a little recalling that he had said I looked great, what with the onrush of memories hitting me like a truck. Holy shit, he looked good, grew his hair, parted down the middle, but somehow he was making it work. 

We had talked a little more, asking for bits and pieces on the last couple of years we had been out of each other's loop. That's right, he moved after 7th grade, it had really been nearly 6 years, he had no social media, and our social circles never overlapped. 

We could only talk a moment more before realizing he was keeping his group waiting, and I, my sister. 

Before he could end up out of my life again, I impulsively asked, "What's your number? We should keep in touch!" 

"Wow, _______ since when did your introverted ass have the balls to utter such words?" I thought to myself, mentally biting my tongue, but what's done was done. 

He smiled warmly but with some slyness in his eyes, "I already follow you on Instagram, no worries." 

I was stunned once again, "His name had never shown up on my follower list?" I thought. Before I could say anything, he had jogged to catch up to his group and so I turned to my sister. 

“HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART: THE FIRST BOYFRIEND”

As usual, my last bus home from campus had to be unbelievably delayed due to the heavy rain. I was on the phone with my ex-boyfriend, now awkward best friend. 

"Are you sure about it? I can really just wait for another bus," I spoke into my phone as I huddled in the roofed shelter of the bus stop, the chilly night air starting to bite through my jacket.

It had gotten pretty dark, despite it only being six in the evening. However, the shadiness of downtown undoubtedly had me on alert.

"It's really no problem, I'm already finished my classes today," Park Jimin replied on the other end. "I don't like the idea of you being alone this late, downtown of all places."

I could hear in his voice that he was already getting up from bed to pick up his keys and head for his car. He already had his mind set and there was little I could do to stop him. He could tell from the pause in my voice I was unsure about the whole thing. The breakup may have been amicable, but it still hurt a little to be with him not being able to instinctively reach for his hand for comfort. In fact, I had been careful not to give him opportunities to come and see me. Yet, here we are.

A drunkard was already beginning to babble out in the streets, with people doing good to veer past him. I watched him warily, slouching to lessen the prominence of my chest, tucking my hair in the folds of my jacket to lessen chances of easily being pulled by the strands. 

"I guess that would be best," I admitted. "Please drive safely." 

"Keep the call on, okay?" Jimin requested with the usual soft concern. "I need to know you're safe there, too."

I smiled, "We couldn't be together anymore, but I'm really happy this is where our relationship led up to," I thought.

In less than twenty minutes, I could see a familiar car approaching towards my stop.

"Get in quickly, _______." he said, also alert by his surroundings now full of potential threats.

I scurried over to his car, and got in quickly, greeted by his familiar welcoming smile. I kept my hand from doing its conditioned action of opening to await his fingers to interlock with mine. He kept his hand on his gear-shift, despite never doing that before and with his car not being manual.

"This is a decent compromise," I thought and smiled to myself, letting my lids bat lightly, the day's events catching up with me. 

Slowly, I let myself fall asleep as usual in our drives, and he woke me gently upon nearing my complex. My roommate, Jean, waited patiently for me to get home safely, leaving a light on. 

Jimin and I exchanged a brief hug at the door, and I thanked him again for his kindness. I watched him walk away as I slowly closed the door. As I thought, there's still a bit of melancholic air in his smile when we see each other.

"I'm sorry, Jimin." I whispered under my breath with him too already too far away to hear. Not that he hadn't already heard that enough times before.

“THE STRONG PULL/NOT-MY-TYPE TYPE: THE FIRST MAN ”

"Oh yeah, since I'm practically absorbing you into my friend group, you've met Jin already but this is Jungkook," Kim started as I sat next across from her in our usual study spot in the library. 

I looked to him, establishing eye contact to give him a sup nod with a smile, he laxly raised a hand and raised his brows to acknowledge the greeting. 

I had met all Kim's guy friends from high school, but none of them piqued your interest in this way. Before even sitting down, I had already spotted him after my eyes found Kim. He was an unfamiliar and attractive individual, emanating energy with a distinct warning written all over it: "TROUBLE".

Nonetheless, I couldn't resist initiating the game that started the moment the universe decided to shift in tune with our meeting. 

In spending no more than half an hour with them, I found Jungkook persistently trying to shift my attention towards him whether it be to tell a witty remark or to try and make me laugh with poorly constructed jokes I had already read off the internet over five years ago. The cool air had to be a facade, all I could see was a dorky squish, spoiled for some attention.

I giggled none the less, to humour him (literally) and to end up one-upping him in the comedy department when we decided to play an app that was practically a bootleg of Cards Against Humanity. 

The phrase was "The worst thing to scream at my grandma's funeral" and my answer had been a blank where I typed, "RIP girl may your bingo wings flap your soul to heaven."

Jungkook, being the judge, burst into laughter mid-way into reading my answer out loud. 

"Whoever put that, good one," he said as he banged a hand against the table with his nose still crinkled in amusement. 

I raised a hand laxly, and he blinked at me, his eyes twinkled with a glint of further intrigue and curiosity. 

Jin ended up winning all the games, and when time came for Kim and I's class, Jungkook quickly got up with us. 

Growing tired of the library scene, Kim and I moved to go to the university centre to get some food. Jin and Jungkook naturally tagged along behind us. I don't know how they did it, but Jin and Kim disappeared for god knows what counselor, leaving me alone with Jungkook. 

We sat with no more and an inch separating us and he looked to me with the same curiosity and intense gaze. I had voiced my discomfort about being left alone. 

"Why are you scared to be alone with me?" Jungkook asked bluntly. "I don't bite."

"Ah, I'm not afraid of you, I'm afraid of being alone with people I just met," I corrected him. "Don't flatter yourself."

By this time, we had easily established some playful banter between us, with him every now and then joking about not being able to handle too much of gaze. Before I knew it, he was telling me a bunch of stories about parties and trips to Paris I didn't ask about.

"Yeah, I woke up with just some girl's bare ass bouncing on my jeans." He continued, trying too hard to show how admired he was by the ladies. 

"We get it, hun, you're hot," I thought through a split-second of lidded eyes before raising my brows again to politely portray my interest in his stories. 

As he was finishing up a story about a flock of French girls crowding him during his class trip to Paris, I sighed in relief to see Kim and Jin approaching. Jungkook was cute, but he was still a boy in my eyes, needy and arrogant. I was fascinated by his character nonetheless, I had never met someone who could sound so full of himself, yet  still seem like just some dorky squish.

Kim and I got up to start walking towards our class building.

"Aw man, it's probably rush hour so I can't drive home even if I wanted to," he spoke to himself aloud. "What class do you guys have?"

"Psych," Kim replied as he pulled the other strap over his shoulder. 

"I might as well sit in your class," Jungkook spoke casually, as if not to sound like he actually wanted to spend more time with us.

"You do you," Kim nodded as she gestured for me to follow her. 

It was only 2:15 pm. I looked over my shoulder to Jungkook, we locked eyes again, I swear I could see his pupils dilate in those big brown eyes. I gave him a small smile before following ahead.

He ended up sitting in our class, beside me the whole time trying to jokingly distract me every now and then. Many times, he showed signs of wanting to leave, leaning over into my ear to whisper.

"When does this class end?" His voice was low and hushed and too close to my ear.

I refused to give him any reaction for satisfaction though and simply whispered back, "Not for another 45 minutes."

He ended up pulling out a book, piquing my interest even more, "A boy into reading on his spare time?!" I screamed in my head. I, _______, had never in my life seen a boy reading a book for pleasure. 

We carried on with class this way, and I just smiled thinking to myself, "Silly Jungkook, everyone knows rush hour isn't until 4pm, you're not fooling anyone you squish."

~ END OF CHAPTER 1 ~

A/N: Ho man 2/3 of these stories are 100% true tbh I may as well have said their real names. It's 2:30 AM now that i've finished this. Worth it. I am so inspired by the comeback and have been craving to start writing again. So I can't wait to get to putting my ideas for this series into ink.

[readmylip-s]

thank u, next.

so here we are, a week left until we usher in the new year. 2018 is probably one of the more major roller coaster rides i’ve had for a while now. i’ve had quite a few accomplishments and fcos the usual emotional-down-turns. i’ve also had tons of blessings and a lot of lessons learnt through the year. i’ve always been told to count my blessings so thats exactly what i’ve been doing. 

if you know me you’d know i prefer keeping my social circle small, though it may not seem that way on socmed. but thats the thing, thats social media. i dont revolve my life around social media. i think i’ve said this way too many times - what you see is only what i choose to show. on a personal level, i rlly prefer the company of a small group of people, even if it means just hanging out with one or two friends. i think 2018 is also the year i’ve had one of the most me-time. i enjoy going to the movies alone, having the entire couple seat to myself, i love sitting at starbucks sipping on GT Cream or seasonal drinks and occasionally with a plate of beef pie. teehee.

i’ll prolly share some positive and not so positive highlights of my year, as well as all the blessings i’ve had through the year. 

this year, just like the past 2 years, i landed myself in the hospital. 

pretty much because of the same old issues i’ve been having. was put on oxygen supply for quite a fair bit, had multiple needles poked through my skin, and multiple bags of glucose. it was a crazy period because it was during the fasting month and prior to the hospitalization, i was fasting. and even when i was in the a&e and eventually warded, i was still not allowed to have food. i was cranky, i was upset and best of all? i felt like i was gna faint. i was due for surgery, again, the next day so i couldnt eat. but i was a rebel. during the night, i secretly chewed on Mr Bean pancake that my brother got me when he accompanied me for a bit. so glad i didnt get caught hehe. fast forward, post surgery, i ate like a monster. the little brother was supposed to fly off the next morn for his school trip but he still came to visit me during the night. he even brought me bubble tea?! i was discharged after what seemed to be a torturous 3d2n staycation at NTFGH. 

2018 was the year i get to tick off certain things in my bucket list. i finally, finally did something i really wanted to do.

i got myself a septum piercing. its a pretty unorthodox thing considering how i dress and all but hey, a girl can dream, and make her own dreams come true. it was on a very random sunday that i decided to get it. but i’m kinda glad i did. i guess all the needles from all my hospitalizations helped me coped with the needle that poked through my septum. pretty sure this is only gna be a phase so all you hateful people, shut your trap. hahahaha. :)

also this year, i finally got to climb a mountain again. 

it was DFOALC’s first overseas staff expedition. (no, i wouldnt consider pulau ubin ‘overseas’, haha) it was the toughest climb i’ve had of all the 4 climbs i’ve done before. in summary - my injury acted up during the ascend and descend, and i also almost lost my life to Gunung Berembun. i survived, alhamdulillah. i just needed my cast when i got back to Singapore. phew. 

moving on to counting my blessings, i call them my constants. 

#4. 

its no surprise that AY is one of the greatest blessing i never knew i needed in my life. i never know where to begin when it comes to how beyond blessed i am for his presence in my life. its still so surreal how we were friends for the longest time and now we’re planning for a future together?! WHAT. hold on, time! 

it is rlly crazy how this whole love thing works. but whatever that is, it has brought so much joy in my life. and AY has made me the happiest kid ever since we began our journey in chasing NZ! thank you, AY. you’re so bloody amazing, and i can’t wait to spend forever and a day with you. dont know what i did to deserve you but i’m glad i did. x

#3.

my bestfriend; nurul. we went through our poly days together, and even when we were separated in to different classes, we still made it a point to have lunch together atleast once or twice a week. clingsterzx much. we even applied for the same job together and among our group of friends who applied, only the two of us got it. is this fate or what?! thank you sissy for being there, always. and for always being the one with the sneaky pick me ups, and listening to all my sob stories. but please dont degil when i try to help you find a boyfriend??? but if you insist then i hope you find your oppa lah okay. we have had our differences and our bumpy ride but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger, yes? so much love for you, sissy! x

my other bestfriend, zulh.jsmn. this photo is the exact representation of our bestfriendship. he annoys the living shit outta me but i have got no choice but to accept him the way he is. unlike nurul, this one is lowkey always asking me to find him a girlfriend. smh. your day will come soon, buddy. i’m grateful for all the times you made sure i was always in check. also for being my guitarist bcus i’m that much of a loser who cant play the guitar, and most importantly for the letter you wrote to me 5 years ago for me to look back to when i feel like the worst person on earth. oh and all the times you traveled down for me just to send food that you cooked so i’d have food to break my fast with during my internship?!?! you always have the most interesting gifts for me whether its for my birthday or just a random gift. the box of clouds from genting, i still have it! appearing in Chicago with SD and a guitar to sing me a birthday song at midnight for my 19th birthday. and the lantern we flew for my 20th birthday in Tennessee at midnight? i choose to believe its still flying somewhere in the sky! thank you, buddy for everything. smell ya in futura tomato saucin, buddiok! #OHOS #GBT #NZV lives! 

#2

my sister, SD. oh sisthur, the resemblance we have is uncanny. it is no wonder people automatically recognize us as sisters through photos. our taxi stand incident will always be etched at the back of my mind. it is one i would never forget bcus it is that one short incident that led us to how close we are up till today. though things cannot be exactly how i imagined it to be, i’m still glad i have you almost entirely. here’s to more sisthur hangz! sayang sawah! x

#1

and of course, my number one constant, my only older brother. you suck and you’re such an idiot but you care for me in ways no other human would. no one, and i rlly mean no one, can ever take your place in my life, for blood is thicker than water. i promise, to always make you proud of me. and i too promise that when the day comes that you shed your tears for me, i’d cheer you up and promise to always be the same baby sister you grew up with. thank you, for calling me your bestfriend, and for loving me with all your life. growing up together hasnt been an easy feat but i’m glad our rivalry only lasted through the times we wore the same sneakers, shared the same room and have the same mp3 player. you rlly suck sometimes but i love you every other day. x 

/wow so much of a summary and a wrap up, nurfa./

but yep, these pretty much sums up my 2018. fcos there were pockets of crazy shit that happened through the year; from suffering cuts and bruises bcus of anxiety attacks, to losing my sanity, to falling out of a relationship, to my injury and to losing friends i thought who would be around a little longer. 

some other things i ticked off my bucket list was meeting Haqim Mokhtar and watch him perform live, singing on stage (i got to sing with sufian suhaimi!), being present for TLV gigs, and fcos, completing my desired Nike Collection hehehehe.

i am very much thankful to God for allowing me to unlearn and relearn whatever i needed to. i dont really do resolutions but in 2018, my goal was just to seek happiness. i’m glad to say that i have achieved my goal of being happy. and in 2019, i pray for constant happiness with the people i love most, and for inner peace. may 2019 be the year i break the chain of having to be hospitalized, and may 2019 also be the year of recovery. 

x, nvrfa 

1623 | 23rd December 2018

[bastardnev]

That Guy Next Door -- Ch. 7

one more week till we officially reach the halfway point!! damn that went by so fast dfkjgdfgdf

tagging: @tylerblacks @joonhobi @rivela @aliciasfox @sailor-slam-dunk @kidvoodoo @smolsammichu @simulated-heat @douglas-leon-michael @1dluver13xx (lemme know if you ever wanna be added to my tag list!!)

Prev.: Ch. 1 ♡ Ch. 2 ♡ Ch. 3 ♡ Ch. 4 ♡ Ch. 5 ♡ Ch. 6 ♡

The first month of Neville and Mustafa’s relationship went by quickly. They maintained their usual routine, going about their work and family-related business during the week and finding time to hang out (or, at the very least, talk on the phone) during the weekend. To Neville, it seemed like only yesterday that Mustafa first moved into the neighborhood and they became acquainted with one another. Time really does fly, he mused whenever he thought about it.

Neville wanted to do something different for their next date, however. Up until that point, it had been the two of them going out someplace to eat or shop. This wasn’t a bad thing, but he felt that it was time to do something new, and this was exactly what he told Mustafa the next time they had a chance to talk.

“I was thinking that maybe you can come over to my house for dinner,” Neville told Mustafa over the phone as he walked across the parking lot to his car, just having finished yet another long day of work. “On Saturday. Would that be okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” Mustafa replied.

“Good.” Neville sat down in the driver’s seat and shut the door, tapping his fingers in the steering wheel. “Wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it or not.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” “I thought you might say that it’s too soon for you to be meeting my family.”

“Come on, Nev.” Neville didn’t have to see Mustafa’s face to know that he was rolling his eyes. “You know I don’t have a problem with hanging out with the girls.”

“It’s not just them. It’ll be Wade, too. Y’know, the guy that is hellbent on interrupting every single moment we have together? I love him to death, but he can be a bit of a handful at times…”

“I’m pretty sure I can handle him. Today I had to break up a damn war between a group of six year olds.” Mustafa chuckled. “Dealing with Wade will be child's play compared to that.”

“You don’t know Wade like I know him,” Neville sighed, but he smiled. “But hey, if you think you’ll be fine, then alright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though, Moose.”

Neville knew that in order for this dinner date to go smoothly, he needed to take measures so as to avoid any possible issues.

More specifically, he had to make sure Wade knew to not act like a complete nuisance (and to not convince the Jen and Daisy to go along with whatever scheme he came up with).

“I assume you all know why I’ve called you here,” Neville began, slowly pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Seated on that couch were a confused Jen and Daisy as well as an incredibly bored-looking Wade. “I have an important announcement to make.”

“Moose is moving in with us?” Jen suggested.

“You’re finally getting married?!” Daisy asked, beaming.

“You’re pregnant?” Wade shrugged.

“No, no, and no,” Neville replied. “But it is Mustafa related. Tonight, as I’m sure you’re all aware, is Saturday night. Not just any Saturday night, though -- it’s the night where Mustafa comes over for dinner.”

Wade put on a look of mock surprise. “Is he? Really? This is the first time I’m hearing about this. It’s not like you’ve been talking about that all week or anything.”

“I’ve been talking about it all week because you keep asking me about it, Wade.” Neville put on his best fake smile.

“So what are we having tonight?” Jen asked as she put her feet up on the coffee table. (“Oh, so it’s okay when she does it…” Wade complained.)

“I’m thinking we’ll probably order pizza, just to keep it simple.”

“Also because you can’t cook to save your life!”

“Wade, if you keep this up, I’m locking you in the basement.”

“You say this as if you haven’t trapped me in your basement ever since I moved in! I’ve spent close to 10 years down there!”

Daisy looked back and forth between the two of them before finally settling on Neville. “Daddy, have you and Wade known each other for that long?” She asked.

“Longer,” Neville said, shaking his head slowly. “Unfortunately.”

“Wow! You’re old!”

Silence. Neville sighed, and he clapped his hands together. “Okay, back on topic, please. You know I love all three of you dearly, but I need you all to be on your best behavior tonight. Not that any of you are ever bad--”

“Not even me?” Wade asked.

Neville rolled his eyes. “There doesn’t exist a word in the English language that describes your particular kind of annoying, Wade,” he said.

“I’m sure if you search hard enough you’ll find one.”

“As I was saying, you’re all lovely, and I need you to be your usual lovely selves tonight when we have company. This means I don’t wanna see any fighting from you, girls. And I also don’t want any rude jokes.” He shot a glare at Wade as he said this. “Alright?”

“Okay!” Daisy and Jen both affirmed, while Wade gave a half-hearted shrug and an, “I guess…,” which was easily more of a response than Neville thought he would get from him. Despite this, the question still remained: Would Wade actually take Neville’s request to heart?

No. No, he would not.

“So, what makes you think you’re good enough to be dating my little Neville, huh?” Wade asked, eyes narrowed at Mustafa, who had been interrupted right as he was about to take a bite out of his pizza.

He slowly put his slice down, looking to Neville (whose red, burning face was on the table) for a moment, and cleared his throat. “Uh…” He said with a little chuckle. “Well, I like to think I’m a pretty good person.”

“You think you’re a good person. But are you actually one?” Wade took a sip of his water, staring him down from over the rim of the glass. “There’s a big difference between thinking and knowing, you know…”

“Wade…” Neville’s muffled voice could be heard. “Cut it out. Please.”

“I’m asking important questions here, Nev! Can’t blame me for wanting the best for you,” he said with a little smirk. “Tell me, Mustafa -- if that even is your real name--”

“It is.”

“--what’s your life like? You got a job?”

“Yes, I’m a teacher. First grade.”

“You got a good home?”

“Well, you live right next door to it.” Mustafa shrugged. “You can just look out the window and see for yourself.”

Wade’s mouth formed into a line. He nodded. “...Okay, fair point.”

“Yep, he’s right.” Neville’s voice came again. “Let’s leave it at that please--”

“Can I ask a question?” Daisy, after having been watching this whole scene in silence, suddenly asked in a sweet voice that sent shivers down Neville’s spine. He was all too familiar with that tone of voice -- it meant she was about to ask something she wasn’t supposed to.

“Go right ahead!” Before Neville could object, Wade had already given her permission to speak, as if he were waiting for her. This bastard.

The next sound they all heard was the sound of Daisy’s hands smacking the table, surprising Neville and making his head shoot up. “When are you getting married?!”

Neville’s face grew bright red due to the embarrassment of the question, the giggles from Jen and Wade, and the shocked look on Mustafa’s face. “Lord help me…” He groaned as he put his head back down.

“Well…” Mustafa scratched the back of his neck, grinning sheepishly. “We’ve only been together for about a month…”

“And?” Daisy still looked confused.

“Life isn’t like a Disney movie, Daze,” Neville said, propping his head up on his elbows. (“No elbows on the table, Daddy!” Jen quipped, much to Neville’s humiliation.) “People don’t normally get married immediately after meeting each other.”

“Why?”

“Because they need to get to know each other first.”

“Why?”

“So that they know they want to marry them.”

“Why?”

Neville shut his eyes and took in a deep breath through his nose, slowly letting it out through his mouth and opening his eyes again. He knew he was going to lose this argument. “...Just eat your pizza, kid.”

Neville dried his hands with a towel, having just finished with the dishes. Mustafa and the others had gone into the living room to “talk” -- or, as Neville liked to call it, “continue the interrogation”. He knew that it was probably a bad idea to leave Mustafa alone with them, but he was in charge of the dinner cleanup (and Wade had dragged Mustafa out of the room before Neville had a chance to intervene).

Now, however, Neville was finished, which meant he could join them. He walked out of the kitchen and entered the living room. He spotted Mustafa sitting on the couch, and he sat down on the arm of it, prompting Mustafa to look over and smile at him. “What’d I miss?” He asked.

“Not much, actually,” Mustafa replied. “I’ve just been sitting here watching them trying to get the DVD player working.”

“Why do we even still have this?” Wade asked, crouched down by it. Daisy and Jen were on either side of him. “Haven’t we upgraded to Netflix yet?” “Uh, we have,” Neville replied, frowning. “You’re the one who’s living in the past.”

“The basement doesn’t have those types of luxuries…” Wade complained. “Well, I already went through all this trouble to set this damn thing up, we may as well use it-- Jen, no, don’t give me that look. ‘Damn’ is not a swear.”

“Wait, wait,” Neville interrupted. “I’m lost here. Why are you setting it up in the first place?”

“Family movie night, duh!” Wade said it as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

Neville tensed up. “What?”

“Wade told me about how you guys always do a movie night on Saturdays,” Mustafa said. “It’s a family bonding activity.”

“Yeah, Nev. Don’t tell me you forgot...” Wade was wearing a shit-eating grin on his face.

There were many things that Neville wanted to say to Wade at that moment, but he knew that this wasn’t the right place to do it. “...Wade, can I speak with you for a minute? Out in the hallway.” He asked with a big (forced) smile.

“Why, certainly, my friend! Lead the way.” Wade got to his feet, doing finger guns at Mustafa before following Neville out of the room.

It was once they were out of sight that Neville’s expression turned to one of confusion and annoyance. “Family movie night?!” He hissed, keeping his voice down.

“Isn’t it great?!” Wade replied, clearly ecstatic and proud of what he’d done. “I thought of it at the last second. This is gonna be awesome.”

“How is it gonna be awesome? God, I didn’t plan this far ahead…” Neville ran his hands through his hair. “Mustafa was supposed to leave not too long after dinner, not stick around for a damn movie!” “You want him to leave this early? Come on, Nev, it’s only seven! You can’t kick him out this soon. Don’t you want to spend more time with him?”

“I mean, I do, but…” Neville was the type of person to always stick to a routine-- this sudden development went against that night’s plan. “I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting you to do anything that you’ve done tonight.”

“How can you say that? You should know that the moment you tell me not to do something, I’m already planning out how I’m gonna do it.”

“I’m gonna get you back for this one of these days…” Neville shook his head, sighing. “Okay, fine. I’ll go along with this under two conditions: first, you’re in charge of getting the snacks together. And second, I am not watching Frozen again. I’ll never get those damn songs out of my head.”

“The first part is easy, the second one…” Wade made a vague hand gesture. “Well, you’ll have to have that conversation with your daughters.”

“I can do that. Easily.” Neville turned and started to walk back to the living room, taking one last glance at Wade over his shoulder. “I’m a persuasive person, Wade.”

“I swear, I hear Elsa in my nightmares,” Neville complained as he walked Mustafa back to his house, causing Mustafa to chuckle. “You laugh, but I’m being serious. I must have seen that movie close to a hundred times.”

“My poor, poor Nev,” he replied, putting an arm around him and giving Neville a pat on the shoulder. “It’s not easy being you, is it?”

“It really isn’t.” The two of them reached Mustafa’s porch, and Neville sighed, rubbing at his temples. Mustafa was about to say something, but Neville interrupted him, saying, “I… am so sorry.”

Mustafa looked at him, brow furrowed. “What are you sorry for?

“For how everyone acted tonight. Daisy kept asking weird questions, Jen kept making comments, Wade was being… himself--”

“Neville, you don’t have to apologize at all. I loved it!”

“You-- You loved it?” He was shocked.

“Of course! If I were ever uncomfortable, I would have left, believe me. You have such a cute family.”

“But Wade literally interrogated you like some overprotective father! You didn’t think that was weird at all?”

“I mean…” He shrugged. “It was unexpected, yeah, but it wasn’t bad or anything. I knew he was only teasing you and trying to make the girls laugh. If anything, that made me wanna stay even more.”

“And Daisy’s repeated performances of ‘Let It Go’ didn’t bother you?”

“Neville, I teach first graders. You think I don’t hear that song all day anyway? I’m used to it.”

“I… damn.” Neville was impressed. “I was so sure you were gonna hate me after this.”

“What? No, never! I can’t hate you.” He ruffled up Neville’s hair. “I really did enjoy myself tonight, Nev. Don’t worry.”

“Good.” Neville breathed a sigh of relief, and before he knew it he felt Mustafa’s lips on his cheek and his face go hot. He made a mental note to start getting used to that kind of thing.

“Thanks again for dinner. I’ll text you tomorrow, alright?”

“Alright.”

With that, they went their separate ways, Neville returning back to his own house. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Wade waiting for him in the hallway, bouncing on his heels. “Dear God, what now?”

“Oh, you’re back,” he replied with a coy smile. “I was so sure you’d end up staying at his house for ‘dessert’.”

Neville sighed for what had to be the millionth time that day. “The moment you get a boyfriend, I’m going to bug the shit out of you about it. Mark my words.”