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immaturityofthomasastruc · 3 years

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IOTA Reviews: Wishmaker

Goddamn it...

It's bad enough Astruc tastelessly axed Lukanette, but now he just had to show up to give a sarcastic eulogy at the funeral.

Let's get into the fourteenth (chronologically the eighteenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Wishmaker

Right out of the gate, we get a “Chloe bad” joke with her insulting Marinette for being poor or whatever as she hands out flyers for an upcoming career fair. Chloe doesn't have much of a role in the episode, but she will be important towards the end, trust me. We also get a funny “Marinette stares lovingly at Adrien” joke while she sees him, so it's good the writers are at least trying to get their strange habits out of their systems now instead of later.

While reading over the flyer in his room, Adrien ponders a possible career as he doesn't want to keep being a model.

(The episode came out in English first, so I'm just going to be using quotes instead of screenshots of subbed scenes for this review)

Plagg: Don't you wanna continue to model?

Adrien: I don't think so, Plagg. I'm doing it now because my father asked me to. But now I realize I don't know what I'd want to do. I've never asked myself that question.

This is a really interesting dilemma for Adrien. Unlike other episodes that just have him feel sad for entirely superfluous reasons like Ladybug turning him down or generally moping about his mom, it feels like something you can really understand. He genuinely isn't sure what he wants to do with his life because he's had everything chosen for him before. I also like the use of the English dub saying Adrien modeled because his father asked him to, as if he couldn't actually say no. I also like how Adrien is still starting to lose faith in Ladybug for giving out Miraculous to everyone, which makes even more sense after his view of her was shaken in the previous episode chronologically, “Rocketear”. I also like how Plagg suggests ideas for a career for Adrien, like the two of them opening up a cheese shop together, which shows how Plagg cares for Adrien and wants what's best for him, ultimately highlighting how healthy their relationship is. He's almost like a big brother who gives advice to Adrien, even if it isn't the most sound advice at times.

On the other hand, Marinette already knows what she wants to do with her life, but the Kwamis start to argue over what she actually means by it by saying they know what she wants to do, a painfully accurate metaphor for the writers dictating Marinette's actions no matter how inconsistent they are.

Pollen: What's a career, dear Guardian?

Marinette: Oh. Well, it's... your job! Something really important that you do and gives meaning to your life!

Roaar: Oh! So, your job is being the Guardian of the Miraculous!

Mullo: Of course not! It's being a student!

Xuppu: Not at all! It's making presents for Adrien!

Marinette:Well...

Longg: She said “something important”, like when she crafted the big doll house to hide the Miracle Box!

Wayzz: Or when she designed the alarm for this room! What a masterpiece!

Marinette: Sure, I love crafting but—

Ziggy: You guys don't get it! What gives meaning to her life is to be in love with Adrien, or Luka, that's her job!

Fluff: Luka's the one with the guitar, right?

Kaalki: Her real career is being Ladybug and carve her name in history by her glorious deeds, of course!

Of course, their bickering somehow makes Marinette realize she isn't sure what she wants to do in the future after all.

We then cut to a reality show hosted by TV personality, Alec Cataldi. He's generally an asshole to the people on the shows he hosts and takes pleasure in humiliating or just being a dick to them, making you wonder how he still gets work with that attitude. Basically, he's the Alec Baldwin of the Miraculous Ladybug universe. The current show he's hosting is one where he roasts people for their jobs, making Andre a target by pointing how counterproductive his “business” is.

Alec: Here's a perfect example: Andre, the Ice Cream Maker, the ice cream man that is never around! Let me remind you how this goes: Andre doesn't have a shop, no one knows where he is, it takes forever to find him, and he gets to pick a flavor of your ice cream! You've gotta be kidding, Andre! Give me one reason why I should bother to chase after you when I could get my choice of ice cream in any corner supermarket!

Andre: Well, people don't just come for ice cream when they find me. They come to share their love and experience of magical moments! A supermarket cannot do what I do! I am a creator of magical moments!

Alec: “Creator of magical moments?” You've gotta be kidding!

I'm pretty sure that's what a lot of people thought of Andre when they first saw “Glaciator”. The idea behind Andre is that he chooses ice cream for you representing something about yourself, so he gives Alec a scoop of lime to represent his sour exterior and chocolate cinnamon to represent the dreams he still has within. Alec flinches a little at the ice cream, presumably because of how terrible of a combination that is, and decides to go to commercial to think.

Marinette talks to Andre about what he does, and he explains he used to be an office worker, with the only highlight of his days being making ice cream for himself after work. It eventually inspired him to quit his job and start making ice cream for everyone. It's a nice backstory, and I think a lot of people watching who are struggling to think about their future can relate to this like with the earlier scene with Adrien. It's also a nice touch for the flashbacks to reveal Andre has served ice cream to some of France's most famous couples.

(Jean Coutau and Jean Marais)

(Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin)

(Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet)

Granted, I'm wondering how old Andre is to have even met some of these people given Jean Cocteau died in 1963, but seeing how Master Fu is 186, I'm guessing the Miraculous Ladybug universe just has really good healthcare. Either that, or the people in this universe take Jay Kordich's diet very seriously.

Andre gives some ice cream to Marinette, who is soon joined by her ex-boyfriend who she never loved according to the writers. Actually, judging from her face when Luka talks about the very first guitar he made, the writers made another 180 regarding Marinette's feelings for Luka.

Of course, because the show wants to remind the audience Alec still exists, he makes fun of Luka for taking two years to perfect the delicate craftsmanship it takes to sculpt any instrument when you can just download an app on your phone. Your inner boomer is showing, writers, even if you were born after the time period for that generation. Luka retorts with some vague philosophical line he's known for that's one of the reasons why people are so mixed on him as a character

Luka: Musical instruments fill the space and space fills the instruments. No phone in the world will ever be able to do that.

Despite it being incredibly confusing, it gets to Alec, causing him to run off in tears. Luka and Marinette continue to talk, but it turns out that's Adrien decided to sit down nearby because of course he did. Though, like the last scene, it's a pretty interesting one as the three discuss what they want to do with their lives. There's also a really nice visual of a blimp with an ad Adrien was in passing by while Adrien talks about his father dictating his life, a really nice symbol. Of course, the scene is somewhat ruined by Luka suddenly deciding to be an Adrienette shipper.

Luka: You two will eventually find what's already in front of you, but you can't hear it clearly. Just let the melody flow.

He's referring to their uncertainty of their futures, but earlier on, Luka wanted to help Marinette be honest with her feelings about Adrien, and even before that, Andre was saying that Marinette and Luka didn't have to be in love to enjoy his magic ice cream. It's here when I realized this episode is subtly trying to end any chances of Lukanette still happening with so many little details. Right when the two spend time together, that's when they decided to help Adrien who showed up for no reason, preventing them from potentially coming to terms with their feelings for each other or at the very least discuss how hard it is to be friends with their history. And things only get more frustrating towards the end, where you'd swear someone decided to smother Lukanette with a pillow in its sleep.

Back to Alec, he's roasting a wig salesman (does he even have permission to film any of these people?) for his job, but as soon as the salesman puts a wig on him, Alec immediately gives us his life story.

Alec: When I was a kid, I used to have long hair, but everyone made fun of me. That's why I shaved it all off. I've been making the wrong choices my whole life. My TV shows are nothing personal. I make fun of people when they make fun of me when I was a kid. (Starts to tear up) I should've been the person I always wanted to be, trying to change the world instead of mocking it! (Falls on his knees) I've wasted my life!

I didn't paraphrase this at all. This is seriously what happened. He goes from mocking everyone he meets, to slightly doubting himself after seeing an ice cream vendor and a young musician, and then he starts having an existential crisis about his tragic backstory. It's not a bad idea, but if there was some more buildup in previous episodes, I'd understand. But this goes from confusing to straight out insulting towards the end. I'll get to that later on.

Shadowmoth notices Alec's emotions and akumatizes him into Wishmaker through his microphone.

Wishmaker has a pretty cool design. The grey skin color coupled with the mostly black outfit really highlights Alec's broken heart, and he looks pretty sinister. His powers... leave a lot to be desired. Like the name states, Wishmaker has the power to make everyone's childhood dreams come true, like this one guy's dream is to be Santa Claus, so he transforms into Saint Nick without any hitch. Wouldn't it make more sense if Wishmaker twisted the dreams of his victims like a genie and made them miserable while they ironically lived out their fantasies by twisting around their words? Instead, all of his “victims” seem pretty happy, which doesn't really do much to make him a threat in my opinion.

So the aforementioned Santa starts dropping presents like bombs near Marinette, Adrien, and Luka, and they're separated by a giant robot. Marinette quickly transforms into Ladybug, and gets Luka to safety, though as soon as she leaves, Luka goes to check on where he told Marinette to stay for safety, and doesn't see her there. Instead, he sees his deadbeat father (transformed into a crocodile) drowning and goes to save him.

Ladybug meets up with Cat Noir (who transformed off-screen) and the two easily incapacitate the robot before engaging Wishmaker, avoiding his blasts. Apparently, they'll get their secret identities revealed if they get hit, so Ladybug goes to get Luka to help out as Viperion while Cat Noir holds off Wishmaker. Ladybug goes to get Luka, leading to the funniest joke in the episode.

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She gives Luka the Snake Miraculous and he transforms into Viperion, immediately activating his Second Chance. For newcomers, Second Chance allows the user to set a point in time when activating it and if something goes wrong, they can go back to that checkpoint in up to five minutes. Ladybug also summons her Lucky Charm, a stuffed dinosaur toy.

Back with Cat Noir, as he engages Wishmaker, the Akuma starts to tempt him with the idea of living out his childhood dream, because he genuinely doesn't remember his. As Shadowmoth orders Wishmaker to use his powers on Cat Noir, Ladybug and Viperion show up, but in the chaos of the fight, Ladybug gets hit by Wishmaker, revealing her childhood dream as the “Knitting Fairy”, and exposes her identity to Viperion, who uses Second Chance to undo the timeline.

In the new timeline, Cat Noir's vulnerability gets to him, so he willingly lets himself get his by Wishmaker, not only exposing his identity as Adrien, but tragically reveals his childhood dream, to be whatever his parents wanted him to be. I feel like this works a lot better than some of the other moments where Cat Noir defied orders or screwed around on the battlefield because it's clearly framed as a moment of weakness on his part, and it was naturally built up over the course of the episode. The reveal of Adrien's childhood dream is a real gut punch too, as it shows just how much Adrien's life has been controlled by his family.

In the third timeline, Viperon deflects Wishmaker's blast meant for Cat Noir and redirects it toward a man whose childhood dream was to become a giant stuffed dinosaur. The stuffed dinosaur in question goes to give Wishmaker a hug, restraining him long enough for Ladybug to steal for Cat Noir to cataclysm (It's a microphone, how hard is it to break???) before she de-evilizes the Akuma. Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug to force everyone to stop living out their childhood dreams, she gives Alec a Magical Charm, and Luka decides not to tell Ladybug he knows both her and Cat Noir's secret identities. Why did Ladybug expect Luka not to know her identity when the whole reason she recruited him was to make sure nobody else found out her identity?

Now, while it isn't outright said, it's hinted at that now that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug and Adrien is Cat Noir, judging from his dejected look after finding out the latter, he may be giving up on all attempts at the idea of getting back together with Marinette, and may or may not start shipping the Love Square now, just like how Kagami decided to ship Adrienette in “Mr. Pigeon 72”. I'm not saying the idea of Luka knowing someone's identity is bad, but it feels like this only happened specifically to stop him from having feelings for Marinette because now he knows Adrien loves her alter ego, and vice versa. Maybe it'll be touched upon in a later episode, but this was just a dick move by the writers in terms of ending all chances of Lukanette like this in order to ensure the Love Square has absolutely no competition.

So the episode ends with Marinette and Adrien deciding to focus on their futures while Alec starts a new show where he helps people live out their childhood dreams, albeit dressed like Style Queen for some reason.

Eh, he still picked a pretty cool Akuma to dress up as in my opinion. A lot of people have viewed this ending as evidence Alec is a drag queen with how he dressed up, coupled with the fact that he said something that was very similar to famous drag queen RuPaul.

Alec: And now, we're gonna love one another, starting with everyone loving themselves! Because how are you gonna love other people if you don't love yourself?

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Though Astruc, being Astruc, once again decided to be vague when asked about the subject on Twitter, though at least the subtext is better than when he said he didn't make Juleka and Rose girlfriends because of censors while making it seem like a noble act.

Overall, this was a really good episode, though there were some underlying issues that really kept me from actually liking it. For the most part, it had some good drama with the main character, a rare scene where Marinette didn't stammer around Adrien, a creative (albeit flawed) Akuma with some good action, and an interesting idea with Luka knowing everything about the Love Square now.

There are just two big problems that really got to me about this episode. Let's get the obvious one out of the way, Luka. Honestly, he really didn't need to be in the episode. Sure, he gave some sound advice to Marinette and Adrien about their careers, but it felt kind of strange to see someone their age talking to them about their future when Andre, someone who actually had experience struggling to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, was pushed to the side. And like I said earlier, I think the only reason Luka found out about Marinette and Adrien's identities was to discourage him from thinking about getting back together with Marinette. After all, now that he realizes how “made for each other” they are, he can't stand in the way of the Love Square.

The problem is that in the context of the episode, we don't really see what made him see things that way. At least in “Mr. Pigeon 72”, Kagami consistently viewed Marinette's attempts to get her and Adrien back together as a subconscious desire to be with Adrien. It was dumb with how she decided to go to Team Adrienette at the end of the episode, but it was something. I'm glad the episode didn't force in too many Love Square shenanigans, but I think more should have been done to contextualize Luka's feelings towards the reveal. I get the writers wanted to make sure Lukanette had no chance of coming back, but this just feels rushed.

And then there's Alec's redemption arc. While it's not a bad idea in concept, the problem is that it flies in the fact of a recurring theme this season, that being redemption. Because, here's the funny thing: Alec blatantly said he became an asshole TV personality because of his history of bullying, and decided to retaliate as a result, but he eventually saw the error of his ways and turned over a new leaf. For long time readers of this blog, I apologize for bringing this up yet again, but what exactly makes this different from everything Astruc said about Chloe? You know, when he said that you make your formative choices when you're fourteen? Just like how Alec decided to become a reality TV host making fun of people after a troubling experience from when he was a kid?

Let's say that I agree with Astruc's views about Chloe. How is Alec different from what Astruc's said about Chloe for almost two years at this point? What makes Chloe, someone who was the victim of a troubled childhood who never got help, an irredeemable monster while Alec, someone who also had a troubled childhood and had even more time to get help while never getting any, capable of change? I thought he Alec made a formative choice when he was young and stuck with it, just like how Chloe started to fully develop at the age of fourteen. I mean, Astruc, you yourself said that Chloe's troubled childhood “was no excuse to treat people like shit”, according to you.

I'm just saying, dude, if Chloe can't be redeemed because of the stuff you yourself said, then that shouldn't apply to Alec either. When you really think about it, it's almost like Astruc either made up a bunch of excuses to not redeem Chloe, or he's a massive hypocrite for going back on his word. You can't really justify this kind of hypocrisy relating to Alec's redemption when you remember just how much of a hardass Astruc was when explaining why redemption was impossible for Chloe.

This coupled with the treatment of Luka really drags this episode from really good to blatantly insulting to certain viewers. Then again, these two choices just got to me personally. I feel like if those two things weren't there, things could have made this episode a lot better for me personally. I can see why a lot of people in the fandom still like this episode, but I'm honestly not a fan of it.

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makeste · 4 years

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BnHA Chapter 282: Aizawa Defeeted

Previously on BnHA: Oh my god do we even care about that at this point. Tomura made a speech; Gran Torino died; Deku lost his shit and tried to strangle Tomura to death with his bare hands; Ryuukyuu came back from Wherever She Was and tried to grab Tomura but he punched a hole through her giant hand; and now he’s grabbing his Quirk-Be-Gone bullets and is ready to cause some mayhem okay?? That about sum it up?? Is anyone even reading this?? CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH IT I’VE WAITED AN ENTIRE WEEK.

Today on BnHA: Well I guess let’s start with what doesn’t happen: Bakugou doesn’t lose his quirk. HE LUCKED OUT!!... for now, anyways. Because, thanks to a near-impossible-to-predict series of events (seriously, raise your hands if you had “Aizawa gets shot but goes full World War Z on his own ass” on your bingo card), Tomura has seemingly regained his regeneration powers, which means that his other quirks are probably back online as well! So we’ll see how that all goes. Anyway so in the meantime Shouto’s back, looking very mad that everyone temporarily forgot he was a main character. And Gigantomachia is back as well! Or almost, anyway. Also, you’ll never guess who broke another one of his arms! Go on, guess. But at least he still has the arm, though, which is more than we can say for certain other people’s limbs. Poor Aizawa is literally on his last leg. He and Tomura really got off on the wrong foot. He chopped his leg off, is what I’m saying. It’s that kind of chapter folks.

you guys I’m losing my whole fucking mind. I straight up deleted the tumblr app off my phone for 24 hours so that I wouldn’t be tempted to log in and risk potentially being spoiled. and I’m happy to say that it worked! so here we are now, completely spoiler free, and let me just say that if Horikoshi decides to cut back to Gunga Mountain now, I will either cry for hours or abandon the series forever and go do something more productive with the rest of my quarantine like learning how to play sad songs on the guitar

all right. here goes

so we’re opening with Deku, who is currently comprised of 100% rage and 0% mercy, and is doing that thing where only the whites of his eyes are visible. and basically he’s just thinking “I’VE REALLY GOT TO HOLD ON TO THIS GUY AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T DO ANYTHING ELSE HOMICIDAL.” which is a solid game plan, but perhaps not so easily accomplished

-- oh my god this poor kid is still in denial, I can’t. why are you doing this

is there even still a Gran Torino to tend to at this point? after Tomura bulldozed a hole through his torso, and you went and finished the job with your own fucking attack? sob

but I guess the law of Tragic Shounen Mentor Deaths mandates that Gran’s should be at least as drawn-out as Nighteye’s was, though. so he’s probably only Mostly Dead, which is still Slightly Alive if I remember my Princess Bride correctly, and I think I do

so now the rest of these stooges are finally catching up with us here

yes, my friends. a bullet. WELCOME TO MY LIFE FOR THE PAST FUCKING WEEK. anyways I have a LOT of pent-up energy here just fyi. there may be a lot of unnecessary screaming in this recap

FUCKING WYOMING SMASH Y’ALLSSSS

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED SOB. DID HE JUST HAMMER FIST TOMURA’S HEAD INTO THE GROUND. DID HE SNAP HIS FUCKING NECK AT 100%. IN AN IDEAL WORLD HE WOULD HAVE JUST CHOPPED TOMURA’S ARMS OFF WHILE SOMEHOW MANAGING TO AVOID BREAKING ANY OF HIS OWN BONES IN THE PROCESS, BUT I HAVE A FEELING THIS SITUATION WILL NOT BE RESOLVED IN ANY KIND OF MANNER ONE WOULD CONSIDER “IDEAL”

(ETA: fun fact: this attack did absolutely nothing except make things approximately 100x worse. but you tried Deku. you tried.)

THE FUCK KIND OF PORTENTOUS BULLSHITTING TITLE IS THIS. OH MY GOD, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT EMOTION I’M HAVING RIGHT NOW, IT’S JUST A LOT OF LOUD THOUGHTS

anyway so if you’re just joining us, Tomura just pulled two bullets out of his pocket, the good guys finally noticed, and then Deku did a smash and everything exploded. the radius of this attack actually looks wide enough to have potentially involved Aizawa, who probably does NOT want to get any debris in his eyes right now, and also Gran, who probably doesn’t particularly want to be hit by another deadly attack for the third time in the past ninety seconds. anyway so I guess what I’m trying to say here is WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT YOU LITTLE GREEN LUNATIC

AHHHHHH

he got the one!! the one that was in Tomura’s right hand!! but what about the one in his left ahhhhhhh

(ETA: lmao at Kacchan being the one to blow up the same bullet I was so sure he was going to be shot with. saw the writing on the wall, huh kid? what do we say to the god of foreshadowing?? ‘NOT TODAY.’ ...except that we’re still not actually out of the woods yet so you still better watch yourself lol.)

...

based on the font here, these are Tomura’s thoughts. which he is thinking immediately after getting the lower half of his jaw very painfully cronched by the VERY homicidal sixteen-year-old still clinging to him. anyway so Tomura’s thought processes are as inscrutable to me as ever lulz

and Deku’s arm looks broken again, yaaaaay. but at least it’s his left arm and not his right! so that’s nice. now they can match

[SHRIEKS]

HE YEETED IT. IT HAS BEEN YEETEDED. HE DID A YEET. [sobbing] he DiD a YeEt oH my GOD

DID IT HIT SOMETHING!?!?!?

my reading process here is as follows: 1) scroll down exactly one panel. 2) scream even though absolutely nothing has happened yet. 3) WRITE THAT DOWN 4) REPEAT

DKSFJLKHSDLGKHLI

DID IT HIT HIM!?!? DID IT GET HIM IN THE LEG SOB ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. JUST LIKE THAT?? BOOM GUN BULLET LEG!!?

YOU GUYS IT REALLY HIT AIZAWA AND NO ONE DID A GODDAMN THING?? it wasn’t even drawn out or anything??? it just HAPPENED, within like four pages??? NO SLOW MO?? NOT EVEN A REACTION PANEL WHAT THE FUCK

son of a bitch I would so dearly like to grab Manual and RockLockRock’s heads right now and just conk them together real hard. YOU STUPID FUCKS sob YOU HAD ONE JOB!!! IT REALLY WAS JUST ONE!! AND YOU WERE SHARING IT!! SO IT’S MORE LIKE HALF A JOB!! AND YOU STILL COCKED IT UP IN ABSOLUTELY NO TIME AT ALL OH MY GOD

(ETA: they should blow this panel up and make it into a t-shirt and make Manual and RLR wear the shirts every day for the rest of their lives. half a job, you guys. please go away I cannot even look at you right now.)

FUCK MY EVERYTHING

(ETA: I still can’t figure out if this horrific angle is due to the earlier damage from the Noumu, or if Tomura really just flung the bullet THAT hard. honestly I’m surprised it didn’t just slice right through him with that kind of velocity. “no thanks because then I wouldn’t get to write a scene where he chops his own leg off” oh okay well when you put it that way, Horikoshi.)

if I recall correctly this is the leg that he said was “twisted”, no? yeesh. might just want to chop it off real quick, then. s’not like it’s doing you any more good. does anyone know if zombie rules apply or not with this sort of thing?? shit

?!?!

“THANKS”?? okay what. did it hit him or not??

-- oh my god WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT

I WAS -- I WAS JOKING I -- FFFFFFFFKJK

jesus fucking christ. when I said “might just want to chop it off real quick” literally FOUR PARAGRAPHS AGO, I can tell you that the one thing I did NOT expect was for Aizawa to be all, “you know what, that’s a good idea”, and then YOINK OUT HIS TRUSTY HERO SHANK AND GO FULL 127 HOURS ON THIS BITCH. "LALALA WE’RE GONNA DO IT RATIONALLY TEEHEE” like excuse me, the fuck

anyways. I don’t even know what to say. thank you Aizawa’s leg for your sacrifice, and for always supporting him. literally. oh my god I came here ready for my son to enter a new phase of character development, and for the manga as a whole to enter a new phase of glorious, glorious angst. no one told me I’d be sitting here making puns instead. what a fine, confusing day

anyway though let’s just fucking hope it worked. and side note, if Aizawa Shouta really did chop off his own fucking leg just now and somehow STILL managed not to fucking blink, I think we might as well just go ahead and hand him the Biggest Badass In The Series award right now because no one is ever going to top that. nope. not happening

it is truly a testament to Shigaraki Tomura’s unfathomably mysterious sexy villain energy that he still somehow manages to look hot with only half a face

also no one in this manga actually feels pain, do they. not Deku, not Aizawa, not Tomura, no one. no wonder none of them have any self-preservation instincts to speak of

did someone just randomly explode just now. at this point it might as well happen, right

oh it’s the shockwave from Deku’s Wyoming attack, apparently. how nice of it to have a delayed reaction for absolutely no reason

anyway so Deku’s being flung back, but he’s grabbing onto Tomura again with Blackwhip. but oh shit you guys, if Tomura escapes Deku and Ryuukyuu’s clutches and still has any bullets left in his pocket, we may still be able to salvage this Bakugou quirk situation after all. would be nice to be able to actually do something with all of these “happy quirk losing day” balloons that I ordered

(ETA: actually, believe it or not I honestly like this better. Tomura using AFO was always the more dramatic option anyway. and now that we’ve done the bullet thing everyone has presumably let their guard down again, which, good.)

I love how Tomura apparently hasn’t noticed that Aizawa’s just amputated his own leg? to be fair he’s probably distracted by all the explosions and such

also gotta love how Deku’s arm-breaking attack seemingly just made everything worse for no reason. and also how Manual and RockLockRock are once again just standing there doing absolutely nothing

SO NOW GUESS WHAT’S HAPPENING

I MEAN IT! GUESS. BECAUSE YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE LOL

OH WELL OKAY THEN

just like we all saw coming!! ...

so is this Endeavor’s attack?? Bakugou’s?? either way, hot damn. fortunately for Tomura he is apparently operating under the same guidelines as the U.S. Federal Reserve, in which mutilated bills may still be exchanged at face value if more than 50% of a note identifiable as United States currency is present. basically as long as roughly half of him is still vaguely Tomura-shaped I assume he’ll be fine

(ETA: in hindsight I should have immediately been able to identify this as a Shouto attack based solely on how murdery it was lol.)

OH MY GODDDD

KRANCH?!?

OH MY GOD LOL WHAT. LOL. REMEMBER EVERYONE’S THEORIES FROM LIKE TWENTY YEARS AGO LOL. SHOUTO WHAT THE FUCK. DID YOU STOP FOR DRIVE THRU

AND MEANWHILE DEKU’S BACK ON THE SCENE GIVING ARGUABLY EVEN LESS FUCKS THAN BEFORE, IF SUCH A THING IS EVEN POSSIBLE. SO FAR THIS CHAPTER HAS PRECISELY ZERO THINGS THAT I ACTUALLY EXPECTED IN IT, WHICH IS VERY IMPRESSIVE

IT ALSO HAS A LOT OF SMASHING

a LOT. of smashing, guys. feels like... 60% smashing, 20% severed legs, 20% Kranch

-- oh no oh SHIT oh shit oh shit

(ETA: um so I really can’t tell how far that wound extends and whether or not Aizawa still has his right eye, shit.)

first of all how did Deku get here next to Aizawa when he was just over there with Tomura, what. and second, I think Aizawa just blinked, oh shit. probably on the verge of passing out after CHOPPING HIS OWN LEG OFF which STILL hasn’t been acknowledged yet?? did I just completely misinterpret all of that back there or what

(ETA: there was seriously so little attention called to this that I scrolled back up to confirm it probably like half a dozen times. apparently Horikoshi thinks that THE MOST BADASS THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THE MANGA should be completely downplayed. whereas if it were me, there’d be an entire two page spread of JUST THE LEG. WITH MUSIC PLAYING. EVEN THOUGH IT’S A MANGA.)

YEPPPPPPP. fuck

look at him though. he’s so happy. this is why I can’t stay mad at you no matter how deranged you get you little maniac

so is quirk-stealing back on the menu then or what. don’t think I’ve been lulled into any kind of false sense of security by any of this lol

-- ARE WE SERIOUSLY CUTTING AWAY

so Todoroki really went after them ALONE. the better to put his dad right back up at the top of the Lose Your Quirk Sweepstakes finalists. well... second-to-top, maybe. like I said I will not be lulled

yuh-oh

why do I feel like the odds of Gigantomachia arriving to herald the end of this chapter just shot up DRAMATICALLY

so the next page is almost entirely just a list of cities that the news anchor is telling people to evacuate because they’re in Machia’s path. along with a bunch of dead heroes lying around everywhere, and Ochako being all ominous

(: weren’t they, though? heh. this is going to be so, so bad (: (: (:

-- fuuuuuuuuuuu

aaaaaand that’s it. hahahaha. okay then let’s summarize

Bakugou defied all expectations and kept his quirk (FOR NOW)!

Aizawa cut his own fucking leg off and it WASN’T EVEN REMOTELY ACKNOWLEDGED FOR REASONS I CAN’T UNDERSTAND (R.I.P. AIZAWA’S PRECIOUS LEG. YOU ALWAYS PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD)

Kranch showed up after 157 years and is probably wondering why the heck I keep calling him “Kranch” now. THINGS CHANGE WHEN YOU’RE MIA FOR A WHILE MY LITTLE STARBUCKS CHRISTMAS CUP

Deku broke his arm for the 78th time

Tomura regenerated but seems to think Aizawa’s quirk is actually gone for good, which I’m pretty sure it’s not. so if they can keep him from destroying everything long enough for Aizawa to turn it back on again, we might possibly still survive this

and lastly, Machia is about to kill all of these stupid people frolicking around outside of this fitness club who are probably so proud of themselves for not being glued to their phones 24/7 because they prefer to LIVE LIFE IN THE MOMENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. well that’s on you my friends. at least it’ll be a quick death. ffff

#bnha 282 #aizawa shouta #shigaraki tomura #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #sorry for all the leg puns #it's in my nature #I can't help it if I find this kind of situation humerus #...oh no wait that's arms #dammit

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jeonjeha · 2 years

Note

I really should stop looking at other people’s opinions on to my star 2 bc it’s making me a bit sad to see how people are talking about the show and the creator. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and no one has to like a show, but I’ve seen some kind of disrespectful statements on multiple social media platforms. Some people have been quite mean to the director and are saying she’s ruined everything and no viewers wanted what this season was and that’s just not fair (or true). Again people can have their opinions, but I wish they wouldn’t be so rude to someone who has quite clearly put a lot of effort and love into telling a very compelling, heart wrenching, and well executed show.

I do think some BL fans, may be used to the typical BLs which quite honestly still have a lot of shallowness to them due to simply lack of resources and care put into the making of them. The shows are quite simple and the issues aren’t very complex. I have also seen a growing trend in online fandoms over the past years of people being genuinely upset that fictional characters do not act in healthy logical ways, even though that’s not even how real life works and that would make for an incredibly boring story.

No one is required to like the show, or like Jiwoo, or agree with this thought process, or even want them to get back together. But I’ve felt increasingly disillusioned with online fandom for tv and movies over the past few years in particular. If a character isn’t perfect how dare you like them and want them to get a happy ending, if a pairing isn’t the wet dream of a couple’s therapist you shouldn’t want them together and it’s bad writing if they get/stay together, if a storyline doesn’t go how you want then how dare the writer/director go in that direction no one could *ever* like that writing choice and it’s ruined everything. Everything is just SO extreme and so polarized and people seemingly don’t want to just let other people enjoy things if they aren’t (and sometimes vice versa). It’s just exhausting.

Despite all that I’ve loved this season a lot, I wish we got Jiwoo’s perspective a little earlier, but I’m not too worried about pacing issues. I think these last two episodes were really well done and the last two are gonna have a running time of like 76 minutes, so I think there’s enough time for a satisfying resolution, whatever that is (I’m still rooting for them to just talk and get back together lol). I feel like it’s pretty typical to pack a lot into the tail end of any story, and can be done well and I trust this show to do it well. Looking forward to next week!

I'm with you 😔 I try to look through the tag often to reblog everyone's gifsets and support text posts, but I can't do it right now. The take I've been seeing about how this is a bad story now just because some people don't like it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. And I'm saying this as someone who really hates sad endings and will be beyond heartbroken if tms (my feel good drama!!) doesn't have a happy ending. A story isn't bad just because some people don't like it, that's not how it works. And yet.

You're absolutely right that fandom has become quite extreme. And the more I think of it, the more I'm like... tms2 isn't even that tragic. Yes, we're all suffering, but this is because we're so attached to these characters. But in reality, what's happening between jiwoo and seojoon is a very mundane story of broken people who were in a relationship before they had time to do some healing and I've seen in the same story in real life multiple times. People are acting like this suddenly became a novella with absurd and unnecessary angst which is so far removed from the truth.

Like. I get it. S1 had such good vibes and it was so light and it was such a feel good show and people are right that this is the reason we all fell in love with it. But I hate the idea that the writers owed us the exact same vibes again and, because they didn't come through with that, then they've fucked up a perfectly good story. It's objectively not true. The storytelling this season is so grounded and captivating and heart-wrenching and overall very smart. The story doesn't want to make us happy for 10 episodes, it wants to make us think and feel and that's valid. Sometimes I wish some people would just be honest and say they hate people suffering from mental health because it's what some of these posts sound like anyway.

#asks #anon #sorry i took some time to answer #hope you're having a good day anyway despite this <3

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sanktnikolais · 4 years

Text

Here Without You

A/N: I’m back for a moment to drop this sort of angst piece of god and goddesses au sort of. In which they are a bit like Poseidon and Athena but not really, I just needed the rivalry bc I’m trash <3 (it doesn’t make sense I know)

Big thanks to @wafflesandkruge for giving me the idea. And for also going through and editing this long mess of words KJHASLFDJ ;-;

Basically light/vague plot, only monologues and longing.

Summary: Cursed to live on earth as humans, Zoya has been finding Nikolai in every life he gets reincarnated. But every time they meet, it is always the same: he doesn't know her. He has no memory of her or anything about their past immortal life. And in every lifetime, she is slowly losing hope. For how long could she hold onto the thought of him remembering her again? Is her love enough?

Word count: 9629

How long does it take to fall out of love with someone who can't remember you?

If there was anything that Zoya learned after being stuck in a human body for so long was that nothing was ever permanent. All of it, whether it was a physical thing or an intangible emotion, disappeared in time. Such a harsh truth, she knew, but it was the truth.

For a long time, she had waited for it to disappear, or just fade if only for a bit.

But for over a millennium, her love for him remained.

Maybe that was what had driven her to stay away instead of finding him this time. Because no matter how many times they met, or how many times their paths crossed, or how many lifetimes passed, the result would always be the same.

He would never remember her again.

It was only reasonable for her to stop hoping for the impossible to happen.

---

Athens had been slightly cold that time of the year, even with the sun high up, which was a change since she last visited.

Zoya looked around. There were quite a number of tourists visiting today, bustling around the site and taking photos of the scenery. She almost chuckled at the silliness of it. If today had been some other time before, the sight would've been better when the temple was still intact. But looking up at it now, in its ruined state, only brought haunting memories of their last stand against their common enemy before everything fell apart around them.

Minnie? His voice echoed in her mind, along with the image of the worry and terror in his eyes as he knelt on the floor, trying to reach for her. What's wrong?

She shook her head, harshly shoving the memory away. But the sight of him vanishing after was already branded into her mind as if to remind her of her failure.

The coldness of the small piece of metal in her hand was enough to bring her back, and Zoya pressed it harder against her palm until it hurt. Better this pain than the one in the past.

With a shaky breath, she made her way through the rubble of what once had been a divine place made by the people for the god of the seas. She remembered how much he appreciated the place, how much he took care of it during the old days they were still all in peace.

He grinned, the one that reached his eyes and made them bright. His arms were spread wide. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” he said, gesturing to his newly built temple.

She merely raised an eyebrow at him. “Mine is definitely better,” she countered with a sneer. “And besides, yours wouldn’t even be there if I hadn’t allowed it.”

“Guess I owe you my reputation, then?”

“Obviously, so stop being a show off.”

Then he winked, and she didn’t like the way it made her heart skip a beat. “Only for you, dear.”

The memory faded.

It was then she realized that he never got to see what she had done to his temple. If he saw it now, what would he feel?

Nothing, her cruel mind said. He doesn't remember anymore.

"Am I really waiting for nothing?" she said bitterly, not minding the weird stares she got from a nearby group.

Zoya reached the entrance of the front hall. It faced the seas, a view which he had never grown tired of. And seeing it from here, she figured that she could never really blame him.

The cliff from where the temple was built gave a wide view of the sea, stretching as far as it could until the other end that could be seen was only the horizon. Its glow of a mix of green and blue blended well with the afternoon sky, and it gave her a sense of serenity. Even if for a bit.

The seas can help us find peace, dear, his voice echoed in her mind again, unwanted and welcome at the same time. I'm sure you would appreciate it more in time.

Don’t call me dear, she had said, but it didn’t have the poison and sharpness from when they were still rivals.

Zoya felt a sad smile twitch on her lips. She did appreciate it, loved it even. An eternity with him before surely contributed to the love she had for the seas now.

But an eternity without him only made looking at them feel bittersweet. It was as if she could see him nearby, but could never reach for him nor be with him.

It was never fair.

She shook the melancholic thoughts away. She hadn't come here to lament over the things that could never be again.

Zoya opened her palm to eye the small object. It was a trident keychain she had bought from one of the souvenir stores near the site's entrance, its gold color immediately catching her eye as she had passed by.

It had become a tradition for her to leave various things by his temple whenever she visited. Whether it was of the strangest things like a water lily from a nearby pond or something like this, she always left things that reminded her of him.

It was only fair to remember him even if he didn't remember her.

"An offering to the most infuriating deity I knew," Zoya whispered, her voice breaking slightly despite the softness of her tone. Her eyes suddenly burned. She blinked rapidly, feeling a tear fall on her cheek. She reached up to wipe it away. Why now? She laughed bitterly. "I am still crying over you even after a millennium while you live and pass by without any memory of me."

She looked down to her right, where a boulder was perched on a pillar by the entrance, gently placing the trident on the surface. If only it was as easy to leave your feelings behind just as she left things in his temple.

"Sad and fascinating, isn't it?"

Zoya jolted in surprise, her hand knocking over the small trident before she could let it go completely. That voice—

But it couldn't be. It shouldn't be.

The voice continued on. "To have such a vast structure built only for it to be destroyed later," it said, "it really is tragic."

It was coming from behind her. Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart was beating erratically in her chest.

It could be anyone else, her mind berated. Stop doing this to yourself.

But hearing his voice lifetime after lifetime, she would know it from anywhere.

It was him.

Zoya released a shuddering breath, finally turning around to face him. She had seen him be reincarnated far too many times for the past two thousand years, had steeled herself from trying to run to him every time they met again. She had become better at making herself not care as the years passed.

What she could never get used to was the excruciating pain in her chest whenever she saw the person she had been longing to remember her appear in her path once more.

He still looked the same in every life, with his blond hair and hazel eyes, and that all-too-bright grin that she adored for thousands of years]. If she were to take a glance at him, it was as if nothing had changed.

But the lack of recognition and warmth in his eyes told a different story.

Were the Fates just that cruel to make their paths cross again and yet never last?

Her eyes stung again.

"I'm—" A look of worry bloomed on his face, and he held his hands up in apology. He winced. "I'm so sorry, I thought you could use some small talk. You look a bit sad earlier."

Zoya wanted to laugh. He still talked too much in every timeline he got reborn in. "It's—it's fine." She waved a dismissive hand, wiping at her eyes for a moment. "Just had something in my eyes."

If he wanted to say he wasn't convinced, he didn't bother to. He grinned and looked back up to the temple instead. "I'm really curious about this, though," he said as he approached the pillar to her left.

She drew in a sharp breath, wanting to step away and put as much distance as possible between them. But she stood her ground. She wasn't going to shy away from only that reason.

He touched the surface of the pillar and then pounded a fist on it twice. "The material looks sturdy enough to withstand a lot of calamities. But the damage looks far more than just that," he said, his eyebrows furrowing. Then he turned to her, hazel eyes curious. She found herself staring right back at them. "What do you think happened here?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "If you're curious about it, why didn't you get one of the tour guides for your questions?"

Almost immediately, he grimaced, scratching the spot behind his ear. "I left my wallet back in the hotel I was at," he said, voice lowering with every word. "I only have enough spare cash for a bus ride back."

Zoya looked at him incredulously, and he obviously shrunk back slightly, the embarrassment still evident on his face. Still the idiot he is.

He sighed. "Well, at least I'd still be able to go back in a bus. I mean imagine walking back to your hotel in this kind of weather," he said, gesturing at the sky. "The sun god isn't merciful today."

She stared at him for another moment, and then she did one thing she hadn't done for a while.

She laughed. A genuine, loud one that surprised him, and even herself. Another moment passed, and then he was softly laughing along with her as well. If there were some things that remained unchanged, it was his blabbering mouth and idiocy in every life. It felt as if he was really here with her.

"Trust me, the sun god is more merciful than you think," Zoya said. If only Tolya can hear you now. "Give him a bit more credit."

"If he calms the blaze down for even a bit, then maybe." He shook his head with a chuckle. Then he patted the pillar. "I hope the god of the seas doesn't mind hearing me badmouthing his fellow deity."

Whatever happiness she felt was short-lived and instantly faded at that, her heart clenching. She forced a smile on her face. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"You sound like you know a lot about the gods."

I know a lot more. "I know my mythology."

He raised a brow, an amused grin playing on his lips. "So does the mythology expert have a name?"

Zoya froze, and her thoughts stopped altogether. She had gone through this for as long as she could remember, and yet she still found herself stuttering every time.

"Minerva," she said before she could even think of it. Her mind panicked. It was her godly name. They had chosen their current names when they first answered to the humans a long time ago, and when they were damned to the mortal world, it had been the names they’d lived by ever since.

All the times she had met him, she gave a different one, while he said the same over and over. She didn't know why she told him her real name all of a sudden.

"A lovely name," he said, extending a hand out. "Nikolai."

She only hesitated for a moment before taking his hand. His skin was warm against hers, and she felt their connection throughout eons in that one touch. His eyebrows knitted together the moment their hands clasped together, but it was gone as soon as she blinked. She didn't know if she had just imagined it.

"Nice to meet you," she said. The words already felt hollow after repeating it for over a millennium.

Nikolai grinned. "Likewise." He let go of her hand before gazing up to the temple again. "So, I'm guessing it was destroyed from within. An explosion, perhaps? A divine explosion, if I may add. It's only plausible to think of that reason if we were to consider the mythology." He shrugged, looking totally satisfied with himself. "Correct me if I'm wrong, though, o' wise one."

She didn't answer for a while. The question he asked was bringing back far too many buried memories of the dark era. Genya's unwanted deception. Harshaw's downfall. Alina’s sacrifice.

Nikolai’s doom.

It came back rushing to Zoya, and it took all she could to not break down. She clenched her hands to fists, willing the memories away. It wasn't the time to let them take over. Not that there ever was a right time.

"Minerva?"

She broke out of her thoughts, turning back to Nikolai warily. There was a worried crease in his eyebrows as he looked at her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern evident in his tone.

"Yes, of course. I'm just trying to remember something," she replied.

"Ah, is the wise one starting to forget her mythology?"

Zoya tried to ignore the way the nickname prick at her heart. It was hitting too close to home. "I tend to forget things too, you dolt. Be glad I'm willing to answer your questions instead of leaving you hanging with your curiosity."

To both her surprise and expectation, Nikolai only laughed. He had never minded her sharp tongue and rough edges. Not even once. "Then do scold me for my wrong assumptions," he said.

She huffed, but looked back up to the monument. "No need to ask for the worst," she said. "But you're actually quite right about that. It was destroyed from within, and not by a natural calamity."

"I knew it," he said triumphantly, his grin lightning up his face. "Though I'm quite surprised the sea god was allowed to be given a shrine in Athens. If my memory is right, didn't the goddess of Wisdom win that war?" He frowned. "I'm sensing there’s more than what was said in the books."

More than you'll remember from all your past lives, my love. Zoya recovered with a scoff. "The modern books are shit. Anything printed in them barely holds the truth." She wrinkled her nose. "I've been in far too many old libraries to know."

Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "Would you care to elaborate on the real history, then?" he said, eyes holding only genuine curiosity and no mocking. "I'm all ears."

"You're not going to let this go easily, aren't you?"

"Not after you intrigued me with your confidence about its truth." He paused, his expression suddenly turning somber as he looked around the ruins of the old temple. "It's strange but there's something about this place that draws me in, and I just want to know what it is."

Zoya felt her chest clench as she looked at him sideways. This happened in every life; Nikolai would be reminded or be familiar with everything, but he never remembered. And she was always left to deal with the pain alone.

With a quiet sigh, she braced herself from the upcoming pain of trying to reminisce a memory of them together, even more so when it was the start of their eternity together. An eternity that was ended in a blink of an eye.

But she figured that she would still indulge him. Even if it was the last time.

"They were rivals," she started. "Archenemies if you want to call it that, always had each other by their throats. It started when the sea god tried to ransack the temple of the wisdom goddess with a great flood."

She'd never forget the rage she felt at that time when she caught him in act, and how that rage deepened when he reasoned out that it was the sky god who had forced him to do it. His reason turned out to be true, but since the sky god was untouchable, she retaliated by stealing and burying the sea god's trident way underground for at least a decade.

It had rained non-stop in Olympus that time, but the defeated look on his face as he lived without his prized weapon was worth it.

"The sea god is a huge idiot, you see, and the wisdom goddess dislikes that kind of person." Zoya wanted to laugh in the way she was narrating their history, but the thought of him not remembering any of it was disheartening. "But that's just the way he was."

Nikolai chuckled. "Am I sensing bias?" he said, shaking his head. "Sounds like they had a pretty silly rivalry."

A smile twitched on her lips. "That's a nice way to put it," she replied. "One petty thing led to another, until they were both interested in becoming the patron of this city that the rivalry between them worsened. The sea god even went as far as challenging the wisdom goddess to a duel the night before they set to present themselves to the king of Athens, saying that she only got interested because he was interested.

"It was actually half-true, and also because the wisdom goddess did not want to make things easier for him as he did with her for centuries."

"Please tell me they didn't go on with the duel," Nikolai said.

"Joke's on you. They did."

"Damnit." Then he laughed. "Who came out the victor?"

Zoya couldn't help but smile triumphantly. "The wisdom goddess, of course," she said. "She put him in his place that night and told him to forfeit his plans being the patron of the city."

"I'm sure he didn't come to present himself to the king the following day, then?"

"Another joke on you. You're underestimating the stubbornness of the sea god." She shook her head in disbelief, and it made Nikolai laugh a bit more. She raised an eyebrow to his way. He should really stop laughing at himself. "If there was something else constant in him other than his idiocy, it's his optimism and stubbornness. He still showed up the next day despite having lost the duel."

Nikolai chuckled. "Sounds a lot like me," he said. Zoya's breath hitched, but she ignored the tiny spark of hope starting to ignite again. Then with a shrug, he added, "Well, you know what they say. No guts, no glory."

"The wisdom goddess literally almost gutted him but he still persevered, and she had to commend that, at least. She didn't bother wasting her time berating him when he showed up." She kicked away a rock near her foot. It toppled over the huge crack dividing the ground, a fissure she had created after seeing him crumble to nothing in front of her. She forced her eyes away. "Even now, I still don't know why she didn't."

"Out of respect, maybe?" he offered with a shrug, and Zoya considered it for a moment. Perhaps it was. "What happened after?"

"They were asked to offer a gift to the people that will prove useful for a long time. Of course, being as confident as he is, the sea god volunteered to go first. He struck the earth with his trident and a fountain of water came forth. But what he didn't know was that it could only produce saltwater. It was pretty much useless for the population.

"Then it was the wisdom goddess' turn. From there, she struck her spear on the ground and planted a branch that grew an olive tree. The king was more impressed with the wisdom goddess' gift, so he chose her to lay claim on this city."

Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "Ah, so that's what happened." He nodded in understanding. Then he frowned and glanced up at the temple, pointing a finger up to it. "Wait, that still doesn't explain how the sea god got his own temple in the city where his very own rival was the patron? I'm quite sure the sea god didn't accept his loss that easily."

"That's where you're wrong." Zoya followed his look up. "He peacefully conceded," she said. And it was the very first time you regarded and smiled at me without a hint of malice. "So she obliged his supporters' wish to build him a shrine near the sea. Thus the temple in this location."

The smile that appeared on his lips was almost affectionate and soft, and she found herself smiling a bit sadly. "I guess despite the rivalry, they could still be forgiving with each other," Nikolai said. Then he turned to her. "What happened to them after that?"

"They—" Fell in love and had an eternity in front of them, she wanted to say but decided against it. She had told him enough truth. "—made a truce and agreed not to come after each other again. No other wars between them after."

"Just like that?"

We've had a lot more than just that. He didn’t need to know how he became much different to her after that, his treatment around her becoming much better despite her initial hostility to his changed attitude towards her, or how he made his way to her heart without her even realizing that she'd let her walls down for him.

Nothing would make a difference.

"More or less, yeah," she replied after a moment.

Nikolai still didn't look convinced when he turned back to her. "Not even on friendly terms?"

Zoya only shrugged. "There were no further things said in the old stories," she said. She didn't know why she was lying to him when he didn't even remember anything. "So we're left to our own assumptions on what possibly happened in the following years."

A look of disappointment bloomed on his face. "I refuse to believe nothing happened else after that," he said firmly. "It's too….open. There must be something more."

"It's quite disappointing, but it is reality. Sometimes that's just the way it is."

"Fair. I believe there's something more, but I guess I'll have to leave it open as well." He sighed, and then smiled ruefully. "The worst part of every story is having no ending."

Zoya only smiled sadly as she turned away from the temple and faced the sea. Beside her, she felt Nikolai shift and do the same. The quiet stretched on, and nothing but the occasional sound of wind and the other tourists' voices could be heard.

It was at times like these that she appreciated the calmness that the view of the sea brought to her, and she was left to remember that what he told her about the seas was true.

Another wave of pain and longing washed over her, the stinging in her eyes returning. He was so, so close and yet she could never reach out to him and hold him close again. But she would be content with having him near even without any memory of her rather than losing him forever.

"How about you?" His voice came after a long while, soft and soothing as the afternoon breeze. "Do you believe that there was nothing more for them than just their rivalry?"

Zoya didn't answer right away. It would be so easy to tell him the truth, to say that the two most opposite deities had overcome their differences and fallen in love against all odds.

But her exhausted heart was too afraid to open up with the truth when she knew that nothing would change if she told him.

"To be honest," she said, mustering up all her courage to keep her tone flat, "I don't know. Maybe there really wasn't."

Nikolai nodded in understanding. "I suppose that's possible too," he said. "Guess we're of opposite minds, yeah?"

"We've always been," she whispered, and she was almost thankful for the shrill sound of his ringtone to cover up for her voice.

He immediately answered it, his becoming relieved. There were a few exchanges of words before he was ending the call. "My rental car is finally starting up again so I'll be able to head back to the hotel. I'm afraid I'll have to cut off our tour short," he said with obvious dismay. "Thank you very much for the knowledge and wisdom you have bestowed me today."

Zoya was already starting to bid him goodbye, but her mind had begun pondering over his words and the ones from earlier. "I thought you said you were taking a bus back?"

"Oh. I, uh," Nikolai stuttered, scratching the spot behind his ear with a nervous chuckle. "I kind of made that up." Then he quickly added, "I'm so sorry about that but you looked like you needed a small talk or something, and it was the first excuse that came to my mind." He tried to smile, but it was pained enough to pass it off as a grimace instead. "Though it’s probably a good thing I hadn't hired a tour guide as I learned a lot more from you, I apologize for making an excuse up."

"You don't have to explain yourself, I did actually quite enjoy sharing too," she said, offering him a lopsided smile in return. "And also, thank you for being kind."

He grinned at that, his face lighting up. "Likewise." He tipped his head in a polite bow before extending a hand. "It is nice meeting you, Minerva."

Zoya tried to ignore the heaviness in her chest in the way he said her name. She put on a small smile. "Likewise, Nikolai."

He gave another smile before letting go of her hand and turning to leave. Only to stop after a few steps and face her again. Then he was pulling something out of his pocket.

"Well, a token of appreciation for your expertise on mythology," he said, handing her a small keychain. "And also for enduring my curious and talkative self."

She opened her hand, and he placed the object to her palm. Her breath caught in her throat when she recognized it.

It was the miniature version of her shield.

"The wisdom goddess' shield," Nikolai said as he pulled his hand back. He offered her a soft smile. "It's only fitting for you to have it because you share the same level of wisdom as her." Then he gave another polite bow. "Farewell, o' wise one. Though I do hope to see you again some time."

With a final grin, he finally turned and left.

Zoya stared at his retreating form until he disappeared among the crowd of tourists, feeling a lot heavier on her shoulders now that he had left. The keychain was still warm in her hand as she walked towards the cliff's edge, and away from the people that might possibly see her.

The weight of it all came crashing down at her. It felt surreal, a fever dream she couldn't get out of, and she was left reeling from the effect of what had just occurred.

Why today? Why here?

It was one thing to see him again. But in this place out of all the ones he could have met her? It was cruelty, a mocking from the Fates to show her that she was never free of her torment even when she already remembered, and he hadn't.

She will never be free of it.

The burning in her eyes felt too much again. But this time, Zoya didn't do anything to stop the tears from falling.

---

What she hadn't expected was seeing him again later that night.

It wasn't new for her to stay late at the site, even after its closing time. If you were old friends with the manager of the place, you got quite a bit of special treatment.

You can stay for as long as you need to. The text message from Genya had been displayed on her screen for quite a while now. Just don't make yourself too sad.

Zoya huffed lightly. If that were easy to do, she would have done it a thousand years ago. But a lot of things were easier said than done.

The alcove she had been staying at was just several feet below the cliff's edge, particularly made for lounging a long time ago. But after years of neglect, what was once a finely made spot was now nothing more than a small opening carved from a trident's strike. The boulder that used to be big enough to hold two people had now crumbled to smaller rocks, and she was left to sit on the cold ground instead.

Nikolai had built the spot when they wanted to have a quiet time together without the prying eyes of mortals or any of their fellow deities nearby. She remembered nights when he would point out the constellations for her, and despite having all the knowledge about it, she let him talk and make up stories for each of them. Other times it would be still, neither of them talking and hands just clasped together, watching the waves on the seas surge and move to his bidding.

The memories hit her painfully. She longed to have those nights with him again, or even to just be with him, without having to worry about him slipping away from her.

But that seemed impossible now.

Her watch suddenly beeped, signaling that it was already one in the morning. But somehow, the sound was muffled amidst the memories in her head. She needed the calm, the quiet. A place where she could be in peace. And she knew just where that was.

Zoya stood up and dusted her pants off before making her way back up the cliff again. Slipping off her cardigan and shoes, she left them along with her phone and wallet by the row of rocks that served as the barrier for the edge. She made her way to the lower part of the ravine afterwards, where the drop was directly to the water on this vantage point.

If Genya were here, she would surely reprimand her from doing such a dangerous thing in the middle of the night. But Zoya usually did night dives during the times she visited here, as the seas brought the serenity she used to feel around him, and she was just desperate to have it again. And it wasn’t as if she could die.

She closed her eyes and turned to the night sky, breathing in deeply as the wind picked up around her. Then, with a contented sigh, she broke into a run and jumped off the ledge.

The rush of air felt familiar in her ears as she plummeted to the sea, and a moment later, she was submerged under the surface. Underwater, it was quiet, the tranquility making it easier for the memories to come rushing to her mind. The coldness should have bitten at her skin the moment she sunk, but she didn’t feel anything. She closed her eyes.

Her mind chose to bring her back to one night on the beach, when he stopped the tides and held her close as they danced slowly under the stars. It was the very first time he had bared his real self to her, and the first time she had seen him past the confidence and the cruel persona he wore as one of the highest among the gods.

She hadn't known how to react that time, and she found herself at loss for words. It was the moment she doubted herself. She was the goddess of wisdom who liked definitive odds and probabilities. She approached everything with caution and vigilance. And above all else, she was supposed to treat him as a rival. An enemy. An opponent of the other side.

But Zoya must have miscalculated, because she ended up going against everything she’d ever believed when she fell in love with him.

Her eyes stung, and her chest clenched. It wasn't from the lack of air.

Please, I'd do anything, she pleaded desperately to any other divine being that could hear her. Make him remember. Make him remember me.

Something grabbed at her wrist, and her eyes shot open. A figure was trying to haul her up to the surface. She struggled for a moment, but whoever was pulling her had a strength of the currents and waves of the seas during a storm.

After a moment, they finally resurfaced. Zoya was gasping for air as they broke out of the water, immediately getting hold of the person's collar and turning them violently to her.

Whatever harsh things she was about to say were forgotten when the dim lights from above the cliff caught the face of the figure.

"Minerva, are you alright?" Nikolai asked, concern evident in his voice. What the hell was he doing here? His eyes searched her face. "Why did—no, never mind that. Let's get you out of the water first."

She was still too shocked to move or answer, so she let him drag her to the sands on the far left side of the cliff. He did most of the swimming, as her body still refused to cooperate with her. It must have been a struggle for him, but he didn't show it. His movements were precise and powerful as if he had been doing it all his life. Though considering his real identity as the god of the seas, this was nothing to him.

They hit the sands after a short while, and it was then a bit of Zoya’s strength returned. She immediately pushed Nikolai away.

"Let go of me," she hissed, voice hoarse from being under the water for too long.

He stumbled, clearly not expecting the act, and he looked at her with obvious hurt in his eyes.

If it was some other time, she would have felt bad and tried to apologize. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be hurt. But she was exhausted and miserable and she didn't want to deal with anything at all. She let her emotions take over.

"How did you find me?" She gritted her teeth as she wobbled on her feet. "You aren't supposed to be here."

A look of disbelief appeared on his face. "A thank you would be nice," he said. "I just saved your life."

"Who said I needed saving?" she snapped. "Didn't you consider for a second that maybe I knew what I was doing?" She started towards the path leading back up to the temple, calling out to her shoulder, "You should mind your business."

"So you preferred to drown down there alone?"

I can't die, Zoya wanted to say, and she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying it. She chose to ignore him instead and continue up the upward path. The cold was starting to seep to her skin, making her shiver slightly.

She could hear his rushed footsteps behind her as he followed. "Minerva," he called out. "Look, I'm sorry."

Zoya ignored him. They were almost at the top of the cliff again.

"I didn't mean to upset you—please, Minnie."

She abruptly stopped in her tracks, her eyes widening. Her thoughts stopped all together. Could it be?

Slowly, she turned to face him, her heart in her throat. "What did you just call me?"

Nikolai seemed to realize what he had said, and he looked mortified. "I—I'm sorry, it just came to my mind."

Zoya wanted to laugh bitterly at herself. Of course, he still didn't remember. It was always only reminders of their former lives that came to him just to keep her hopes up. But it was all the same after.

"Leave before I report you for trespassing," she said curtly and continued up the path. Just stay away, she pleaded in her mind desperately, even though her heart wished for the opposite. But she couldn't take any more pain right now. Please.

Thankfully, she didn't hear him behind her after that, and she made her way back to where she left her things. But when she finally got there, the exhaustion caught up with her and she stumbled to the row of rocks. Her body was already shivering when she sat down, and she put a hand to her face.

Realization dawned at Zoya all of a sudden. Her harsh treatment of him wasn't necessary, and there was no one else to blame but herself for letting her emotions take over. And even if she wanted to apologize, she had already scared him off.

Something warm was draped around her shoulders, and the smell of the sea wafted to her nose. A choked sob made its way out of her mouth. Why hadn't he left yet? She had regarded him badly when his intention was solely to save her from drowning. She didn't deserve his kindness.

"I told you to leave," she said, moving her hand away from her face. But she didn't turn to him. "I warned you that I would report you, didn't I?"

Nikolai laughed lightly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him settle over one of the rocks in the row near her, though he still kept a considerable distance between them.

"If you wanted to report me," he said, "then you would have gone straight to security the moment you arrived up here."

Zoya huffed, but didn't say anything more. She hated that he was right about her. He could always see right through her, and it was the one thing that didn't change in him.

His voice came after a moment. "Did you really intend to stay underwater for that long?"

She didn’t answer right away, because she didn't know how. She hadn't even realized that she had been underwater for too long. "How did you get here, anyway? And why are you here?" she asked instead, effectively deflecting the subject.

Nikolai winced. It was obvious that he didn't have a clear answer to her question either. "I have my ways. And I can assure you my reason isn't for cruel purposes."

"Guess I won't report you, then," she said, and Nikolai smiled at that.

"I owe you my life, o' wise one," he said.

I couldn't even save you on time, Zoya thought bitterly.

A long silence came after, with the both of them facing the well-lit temple that glowed against the night sky. The wind picked up, and she shrugged the jacket tighter around her. She looked at Nikolai sideways, remembering that he had also been soaked to the bone when he jumped in after her. But there weren't any traces of him being cold, so she turned her attention back to the temple.

"I couldn't sleep," he said after a while. He took a small piece of gravel from the ground and tossed it over the cliff's edge. "It might be strange to hear this reason, but the story you told me this afternoon kept me up, and it drew me back here. Maybe I wasn't thinking straight. It wasn't as if coming back here would answer the questions in my head." He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "I was never a fan of open-ended stories."

"They fell in love," Zoya said simply, averting her gaze from him and looking back up at the temple. She could practically feel his shocked expression directed her way. She figured that she owed him the whole truth at least, after treating him badly just earlier.

And for the last time she would be able to talk to him.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me."

Nikolai scoffed. "If this is some lie just to sate my thoughts, then I would prefer the cruel truth to hit me squarely in the face."

"I'm not lying. I know it seems quite impossible if you look back at their history," she said. "But the ones that happened after were more important. The oldest scriptures said so. They fell in love and had an eternity ahead of them." And we had. We just didn't know it would end in the cruelest way, and you would be taken away from me. "It wasn't well-known to the public as the modern books stated that they stayed rivals throughout the rest of their immortal lives."

"How could two gods who literally fought over this city fall in love?"

"I don't know." And it was the truth. He really was her biggest uncertainty and miscalculation. But it was the one thing she didn't regret happening. A rueful smile appeared on her lips. "And yet they did. Against all odds."

Nikolai laughed lightly. "I can't believe it," he said, his tone bordering breathless and disbelieving. "Do you think they're still in love?"

The question felt like knives being stabbed into her heart. I've loved you for an eternity, she thought as she looked at him, to the face that never left her mind for a millennium. Does your love for me still exist, even if it lays forgotten in the deepest depths of your heart?

Her eyes burned, and she looked away. "I hope," she said truthfully. "It would have been extraordinary."

"I would have to believe they still do," he said. "I mean, it's kind of amazing, isn't it? To love the same person for thousands of years."

Zoya felt another crack on her mask. "It is," she whispered. "A lot have tried gaining her attention, but no one can ever compare to him. She doesn't see anyone else."

Nikolai sighed contentedly. "They're lucky," he said. "To have a love like that, I mean. Those kinds are rare."

"Have you ever been in love?" she suddenly asked. She hadn't meant to pry, but she wanted to know if he found someone else during his time. She blinked, realizing how intrusive the question was. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"Ah, is the wise one a curious cat now?" He laughed when she gave him a glare. He raised his hands in mock surrender. "I'm joking." He turned back to the temple with a faraway look in his eyes. "But to answer your question, I don't think I have. At least not in the way the sea god and the wisdom goddess were."

Zoya didn't know whether to feel relieved or sad at that. So she only nodded in understanding.

"I like to think that maybe I did, even just once. There had been a few people in the past." Nikolai smiled sadly. "But there's always something missing, you know? I could never tell what or why I am feeling that way. There's just this…hollowness I can't explain." He paused, his eyebrows furrowing. "Somehow coming to this place relieved me of some of the emptiness. I guess I should come back here more often."

A tear fell from her eye, and she quickly wiped it away before he could see it. Her heart was beating erratically in her chest, that tiny spark of hope that she thought was dimming had ignited once more.

This was exactly why she didn't want to meet him again. They would cross paths, and he would be reminded of something in their past life that made her heart believe that things could be what they once were. But they couldn’t. They never would.

Destined to meet, but never to last.

So she didn't let herself ponder over it. This had already happened so many times, and yet she always got hurt for expecting too much in the end.

"How about you?" he asked, voice gentle. "Have you ever been in love?"

I have. And I still am. "Once."

A beat. "How was it?"

A curse and a blessing at the same time. She blinked her tears away and replied, "I still think about him everyday."

Nikolai hummed. "Lucky guy."

"He really is."

"Can I ask what happened to him?"

Zoya let out a shaky breath. "He forgot about me."

"I would remember you," he said.

Then why didn't you? She covered up with a bitter laugh instead. "Easier said than done."

He didn't say anything else after that, and another wave of silence filled the air around them. Zoya appreciated the quiet, reminding her of the moments of peace in the past, and she felt a sad smile on her lips along the ache in her heart.

She would remember this, even if it's painful for her. She didn’t know when she’d see him again.

If she would see him again.

Suddenly, a beam of light flashed to her face, and she raised a hand up to cover her eyes. "Miss Nazyalensky?" a voice asked. She immediately recognized it as Isaak's, Genya's head of security. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, it's me. I'm alright," she said, and the light disappeared.

The young guard's eyes shifted from her to someone past her shoulder. If he noticed their still-drenched state of dress, he didn't say anything. His eyes narrowed. "Who—"

"Don't worry, he's a friend," she said, glancing at him sideways. "He's just about to leave."

A look of disappointment flashed on his face, and Zoya silently apologized to him in her mind. It was the only way to make him go. Isaak was looking at him expectantly.

"Yes," Nikolai said, "I was just leaving."

She turned back to Isaak. "Be a dear and show him the way out, it's already dark."

Isaak only nodded before turning to Nikolai. "This way, sir."

Nikolai sighed and stood up without further complaints, walking towards the young guard. But not before he looked back at her for the last time. He smiled softly. "It was actually good seeing you again," he said, and Zoya felt her heart break a little more with those words that held much more meaning to her. "Good night."

With that, he turned away to follow Isaak back to the entrance. Her feet were already moving before she even realized it.

"Wait," she said, and Nikolai stopped in his tracks. She made her way towards the temple's entrance, going over to the boulder by the pillar where she’d left the small keychain earlier. She found it on the floor, almost covered with rubble. But thankfully it was still there. She picked it up and turned back to him.

His eyes were expectant and curious when Zoya stopped in front of him, and she let her gaze linger to memorize his features to carry with her, as if she hadn't had all of him engraved in her heart and mind for thousands of years.

"Here." She handed the trident keychain to him. He took it reluctantly, a deep crease in his eyebrows evident as he stared at the object in his hand. "I left it this afternoon as an offering to him. But you might as well have it."

Nikolai blinked, a grin appearing on his lips that brightened his face. "I hope the god of the seas doesn't mind."

"Don't worry, I'm sure he won't." It's technically yours, anyway. "And it’ll be something to remember me by."

"Even if you don't give me anything, you're not that easy to forget, Minerva," he said, and then he tipped his head forward in a polite bow. "Thank you."

The look in his eyes was warm, and Zoya felt as if she was really looking at him. She desperately wanted to reach out to him and hold him close to her again. But she held back. "You're welcome," she said, stepping back before she did something she would regret later. She would not make this harder for herself.

With a final grin, Nikolai finally turned and followed Isaak.

And as she let him walk away from her for the umpteenth time in her life, she was left only with longing and the same pain she had been carrying for as long as she can remember.

I love you, she thought, hoping the winds would be kind enough to carry the words she had been wanting to tell him. This would be the last time.

***

The memory of that night came back to her as Zoya stood by the entrance of his temple again more than a year later. She didn’t expect herself to be back here; she had vowed that she would stop hoping for the impossible. But it was never that easy to let go of something you’d been holding onto for a long time.

She had spent the better part of the year trying to convince herself that she could do it, that she could let him go. Sometimes she thought she did, as her thoughts about him didn't bring that much pain to her than before. But more times than not, she would still find herself crying at night, wanting nothing else than to have him with her again, asking any other deities to hear her plea and end their torment.

And yet it remained unanswered just like it had always been.

A strong breeze blew past the site, and Zoya shrugged the jacket tighter around her. It was almost the same as last year, albeit a bit colder, causing the temple to have less visitors than usual. The sun was starting to set in the west when she approached the cliff's edge, giving the sea an orange glow.

She smiled ruefully, suddenly realizing the depth of her decision. This view was going to be one of the sights she would have to give up if she ever stopped visiting here. And it was something she wasn't letting go. As much as she wanted to forget, his seas had been a constant part of her immortal life, providing her with peace that often slipped away from her, and it was the closest thing to him that she could be with.

The thought hit her like a ton of bricks, and Zoya wanted to laugh. She had been a fool to think that she could ever forget any of this, that she could forget him.

Because even after all her attempts to do so, he would always be the one on the other end of the red string tied around her wrist.

"It's not fair, you know? I'm still crying over you, and I'm so, so tired," she said to the sea, her voice quivering as she did. The stinging in her eyes came quickly this time, and she reached a hand up to wipe it away. A broken sob came out from her lips when she whispered, "It's not fair, Nikolai."

She put a hand to her face as she continued to cry. There were times that her grief would overwhelm her to the point that she wouldn't have minded whether she was in public or not, and the pain in her chest was enough to break her.

This was one of those times and she had no control over it.

Zoya didn’t know how long she stayed there, crying her sorrows to the seas that could only do so much to comfort her, that she didn’t even notice the presence behind her until it spoke.

"When I first saw you here a year ago, you were just close to crying."

Everything seemed to stop around her. Her thoughts halted and she brought her hand down from her face.

No, it's not real.

But she knew it was true.

Zoya turned to the direction of his voice, and there he was, basked in the glow of the sunset that made his eyes gleam much brighter than what she used to have engraved in her head.

Nikolai smiled softly. "It's been a while, Minerva."

She didn’t know why her mind suddenly started making up excuses, anything she could say to elude him before the pain became too much for her to bear.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" It might have been the stupidest excuse she could think of, but it was all she had. A look of hurt flashed on his face. Walk away, Zoya. "You must have mistaken me for someone else."

She briskly walked past him, each step away from him feeling like daggers being driven to her chest.

Walk away, Zoya willed herself.

She could do it. She could walk away so she wouldn't have to suffer. She could do this, and do it again in the next life.

She could stay away from him.

But as she went further away from Nikolai, her mind narrowed to one thought. I can't do it.

It was then his voice came, gentle as the waves from the shore. "Are you really going to walk away this time, Zoya?"

This made her stop abruptly on her tracks, her heart in her throat. A surge of wild hope ignited in her chest again.

No, he could've asked for it from the management, she thought. Isaak could have told him.

She had been waiting for a thousand years to hear it again, to hear the warmth in his voice whenever he said her name. But why wasn't she believing it? Why wasn't she turning to him?

Why only now?

Against her better judgment, Zoya finally faced him. Her vision blurred with another wave of unwanted tears. If this was some cruel trick to play on her—

Nikolai must have noticed her look, because he gave her a reassuring smile. "The seas can help us find peace," he said as he approached her. Zoya could only look at him, her heart still not wanting to believe. But he continued, "And I would gladly stop the tides and currents if it meant giving you the serenity you desired."

He stopped right in front of her, the gentle look in his eyes remaining the same. She looked back up at him, finding any traces of deceit in his hazel eyes, or anything that proved that he wasn't real.

But in them she only saw the warmth and love that he sent her way, the reflection of their memories worth for thousands of years, the one that the wisdom goddess didn't expect the sea god to give her.

"Hey," Nikolai said, his voice coming out in a broken whisper. His face crumpled when he brought a hand to her cheek. A quivering smile made its way to his lips as he said, "I'm sorry I'm late."

A sob tore from her throat as Zoya lunged at him, her arms wrapping around his neck tightly as if he would disappear again if she let go.

He's here. "You're back," she sobbed against his shoulder. "You're back."

She felt his arms around her not a moment later, strong and warm and welcoming, the same way she remembered even after a long time. The world could have burned down around them, and still Zoya wouldn't have cared, not when he was finally back to her.

"I remember," Nikolai was saying over and over, his voice shaking from crying. "I remember it all." He pulled away slightly, just enough to look in her eyes and see the relief reflected back in them. Tears fell freely from his eyes as he pressed his lips on her cheek— "So many lives, I've lived" —his lips went to the bridge of her nose— "So many times I've met you" —he moved to her eye— "And I didn't even know it was you that I was missing."

He pressed their foreheads together, his eyes closed tightly. He brought his hands up to the sides of her face. "You always found me," he whispered, "and when I remembered, I knew it was my time to find you." He reached for her hand, bringing it to his chest, and she felt the steady beat of his heart as if it had finally found peace and its home. "I love you. I loved you in every life. My mind could forget, but my heart and soul never did."

Zoya laughed, but it came as a broken sob instead. She reached her other hand up to his face, her touch still hesitant. Everything felt like a dream. She had been waiting for this moment for so long, and now that it was here, she wanted to make sure it was real.

But he was warm and his presence comforting, and he was looking at her the same way he did when he stopped the tides for her that one night on the beach.

More tears fell from her eyes. "I never thought I'd see you again. I've watched you slip away for a thousand years, and yet my love for you remained the same, if not stronger," she said, voice hoarse. "I missed you every single day."

Nikolai leaned into her hand, pressing a kiss on her palm, and then on her wrist. A few tears landed on her skin. "I love you. I'm here now." His lips moved to her forehead. "I love you."

She clutched him closer to her. "I thought I lost you," she said. She closed her eyes as he moved to press a lingering kiss to her temple. Her voice broke when she repeated, "I thought I lost you."

"I know, I'm sorry," he murmured against her skin. "But I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." He pulled away to look in her eyes. "I'm not leaving you again."

And when he sealed his promise with a kiss, Zoya felt the thousands years' worth of pain and longing lift from her chest, replaced by the feeling of warmth and contentment, and finally, home. It would be another start for the both of them, as they had a lot of time to make up for. The road would be tedious, but they had each other.

Her love could last for another eternity.

***

A/N: I have a short, fluffy one of the same au in the works. Might post it soon. JASHFLJASF

#zoyalai #zoya nazyalensky #nikolai lantsov #king of scars #idk this took me a while #and i made myself sad over this #basically gods/goddesses au #they're poseidon and athena #but also not really #i needed the rivalry ok #HASDFLKJHA #i tweaked some in the mythology #so yeah #im trash #and sad #have this long mess tho #my writing

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jebazzled · 4 years

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SOOO the Drama: Making it Work with Tragic Backstories

Hi everyone, how are we doing? It’s been a while since my last unsolicited tutorial. Is everyone eating well? Is everyone drinking water? Dressing warmly if it’s cold wherever you live?

Today we’ll be talking about tragic backstories, and how to use them rather than abuse them.

This tutorial will mention a number of triggers, though not with great detail - more in the interest of providing context.

Specific triggers mentioned: abandonment, verbal abuse, child neglect, car accident, transphobia, animal death, cheating, bullying, parental death

In the rp community we often joke about loving to put our characters through hell - about really running them ragged - making ourselves weepy. For a lot of us, writing Heavy Emotional Content is a lot more fun than fluff, or characters who are happy, fulfilled, and well-adjusted. I’m literally planning to kill off one of my characters in the next couple of weeks. I get it.

But there’s also a fair amount of discourse in the rp community about what is pejoratively called “trauma porn.” It’s discourse that is warranted! Because while we love fictional drama, the truth is that sometimes...

well, sometimes it can be too much, can’t it?

Here’s the thing about trauma: a tragic backstory does not a well-developed character make. Too often, too many of us lean on these traumatic histories as a crutch towards building a character, without meaningfully exploring that trauma with any depth. The truth is, in fiction, tragedy only builds character when when you do. And tragedy is far from the only way to create a nuanced character.

In this tutorial, we will examine common approaches to character backstories, alternatives to tragedy-as-a-default, and figure out how to have your cake (the feels) and eat it too (with purpose.)

BUILD-A-BACKSTORY

In my experience, the most common approach to writing a freestyle application is writing a chronological history (you can read my app guides, including thots on alternative styles of freestyle, here). Ain’t nothing wrong with that! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!

It’s an approach that makes sense, as it forces you to fill in the blanks to answer the question: why is my character Like That? And often, as writers, our first instinct is to provide the saddest answer possible.

“Why is Susie so clingy?”

Her parents abandoned her at a fire station when she was an infant, and rather than being raised in foster care, she grew up at the fire station. But the entire company that raised her died while fighting a wildfire, and she is certain that any time anyone walks away from her, they will never come back.

“Why is Brent such a misogynist?”

His mother never wanted him and told him so every day of his youth. When he hit puberty, she stopped speaking to him entirely, and the day he turned eighteen, she changed the locks while he was at school.

“Why is Lichen such a high-achieving go-getter?”

Lichen was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning they break their legs, and every afternoon they break their arms. At night, they lie awake in agony until their heart attacks put them to sleep.

Feels like a lot, doesn’t it? I may have done a little exaggeration, but - not a lot, frankly.

Especially if other characters on a site are loaded with tragic histories, it can be hard not to equate a certificate from the school of hard knocks with a Pulitzer. You want something juicy to write about, yes? And this is all so juicy!

But here’s the rub: often, these histories will never come up again outside of an application, or will not be practically dev’d out beyond shock value. Susie will never be reminded of Frank, the fireman who taught her to ride a bike. Brent will focus his sexist comments on objectifying women’s bodies rather than degrading their personalities and motives, which were the issues with his mother. Someone who didn’t read Lichen’s app would have no clue that they have had a total horror show of a life.

If you are writing a tragic backstory that doesn’t have a continual impact on your character, you are writing trauma porn, and it is doing nothing for your character.

This doesn’t mean that your characters should be fully and constantly occupied with memories of their trauma - in fact, constant introspection is an easy way to stall threads (per my “why aren’t people writing with me?” guide here) - but it does mean that if your answer to the question, “why is my character Like That” is a compelling one, it is one that a reader should be able to answer even if they haven’t read your app, if they’ve read a few of your threads or other writing.

This is a careful balance, of course, but think of your characters the way you think of yourself! For example: probably the most Potentially Dramatic thing about my personal life is that my older sister is developmentally disabled, and I am one of her legal guardians. When my parents die, I will inherit my older sister, and will uproot my life from wherever I am living at the time to move back to my hometown and make sure she is taken care of and happy. This is not something that I constantly think about, but it is difficult to know me for any meaningful length of time and not be aware that I have a developmentally disabled sister, as I mention her in passing, think about her when her favorite music comes up on Spotify, and tell people to donate to her favorite charity, Special Olympics.

If I were writing an app of myself as a character and spent a good portion of the app untangling my relationship with my sister, and then never mentioned her in any of my thread posts, then is she really important to my character? Or was I flexing her for depth?

Do you see what I am getting at here? If it matters, it will come up more than once. If it only comes up once, and it’s in your app, you should think of something to explain your character’s personality and motivations that is perhas a little less loaded.

BUT WITHOUT THE SADS, HOW DO?

The good news is: you absolutely do not need a tragic backstory to write a nuanced character! Again - think of your characters the way you think of yourself, or of other real people. While everyone has gone through heavy things in their lives from time to time, chances are that your life does not resemble that of a soap opera protagonist. And aren’t you a multifaceted person, full of depth and life? Aren’t you someone whose story is worth telling, even if it feels like your life is pretty ordinary?

After all, it’s not the past that makes a character - it’s the present, their current voice, actions, and missteps. That is where you want the real juice to be, because that is the shit you’re writing!

Some potential “everyday histories” for our above cast of characters:

“Why is Susie so clingy?”

In elementary and middle school, Susie was bullied on and off - a few weeks spent hanging out with the in-crowd, followed by a month as a social pariah. She could never understand why. When she moved to a different state for high school, she attached herself like a barnacle to the clique the Tulips, and has made it her goal not to let herself get shaken back to the outskirts this time.

This isn’t as dramatic as Susie’s earlier backstory - in fact, it could apply to any number of people, being passed between friend groups for years on end. But again: your character doesn’t need a one-of-a-kind daytime talk show-worthy backstory to have a unique and compelling history and voice!

“Why is Brent such a misogynist?”

Brent’s mother never wanted children, and made it pretty clear to him throughout his youth. His father, though, as always there for him - including when his mother walked out and never came back, after cheating on Mr. Brent’s Dad for years. From then on, Brent and his dad only had each other - and their bitterness towards the woman who wronged them.

This still gives you some family drama - unloving mother, and some adultery - but having Brent be raised by someone who has their own beef with women eliminates the shock value of locking your son out merely for being a boy. Also, this take acknowledges misogyny as a learned behavior.

“Why is Lichen such a high-achieving go-getter?”

When their parents divorced, Lichen only came out to their mother as nonbinary, and presents a fully different persona when they are with their father. Being in the top 5% of their high school class and being a national champion Lincoln-Douglas debater is the only thing Lichen and (deadname) have in common.

I acknowledge that Lichen’s previous story was a meme. The above story could be made much more intense (for example, if Lichen’s father were a member of the Westboro Baptist Church and then Lichen’s supportive mother dies in a freak accident and Lichen, unable to hide their true identity, is imprisoned in their father’s basement until they pretend to have seen the error of their ways and identify as cis again) but the above gives plenty to chew on!

While drama and trauma can be satisfying to write, there is plenty of drama to be found in the everyday. Building a well-rounded character is much less about what happened to them and much more about what they are doing, thinking, and feeling now.

That said,

TIPS & TRICKS FOR WRITING TRAGIQUE CHARACTERS

Don’t go overboard. If it is not going to come up ever again after the app: leave it out.

Impact is about the character, not the reader. If it was important enough to leave in the app, it should have an identifiable impact on your character. The main purpose cannot have been to shock the reader.

It’s not meaningful JUST because it happened. If someone can follow your character’s story for any extended amount of time and not realize that, say, your character’s mother died in a boating accident, then it isn’t actually important that your character’s mother died in a boating accident, and you should let her live.

If ALL of your characters have a heavily dramatic backstory, ALL of your heavily dramatic backstories lose their meaning. Dramatic backstories are fun but they should not be a constant: they will begin to feel cheap and lazy.

Your character does not need to dwell on their tragic backstory! While a character should acknowledge their history, a character does not need to realize that their backstory is meant to be tragic. For example, Sally might have been raised by her Aunt Agatha after her parents disappeared in a hot air balloon when she was a baby. Rather than being sad about her missing parents, Sally might think of them as total strangers and of Agatha as her sole parental figure - and her sadness might be for Agatha, who does miss Mr. and Ms. Pumpernickel.

And that’s literally all she wrote! I hope you find this helpful when you’re writing your characters - tragic or otherwise - and developing their plotlines. The world is not made of trauma and fluff alone, friends. Go forth and contain multitudes!

#rp guides #resources #writing resources #rp writing #applications #character development

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 4 years

Text

... I'll Be Watching You (Sriracha, Part 32.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: You thought that love is strong. That love can overcome anything. But what are you supposed to do... When the person you love... Just isn't there anymore?

A/N: I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL AGAIN. I KNEW IT WILL COME, BUT I DIDN'T REALIZED UNTIL NOW. I'M SO SORRY.

Word count: 3.8 K

Warnings: Angst, fluff, everything mixed together, major character death, (mine) sadness, (mine) minor depression, (mine) anxiety... I JUST REALLY MISS HOP, OKAY?

Tagging: @nemodoren, @creedslove, @missdictatorme

Master list: H E R E

It was just another normal Thursday in the bistro. Well... Normal was too far fetched maybe. It was full because a lot of people came to the bistro to have dinner there before taking off to the funfair happening just five minutes from Hawkins. The people were in a good mood, the TV on the wall was going between news channels, showing various towns celebrating the Fourth of July.

The independence day was always great for you - huge tips, big smiles and good chatting with the costumers. You also liked to watch the fireworks on the TV, just to stop for a second and look at the colors, laughing and happiness it could cause. On days like those were, you loved your work. Ada was there with you, she always was, and another waitress came by - Camilla. She usually didn't have her shifts crossed with yours, but she was nice as well.

You were worried out of your mind for Hopper. Eleven at least called you earlier that day, telling you what was going on. She always at least told you who she’s with - but he just disappeared two days ago and people were spreading rumors that maybe, just maybe, he ran off to Indianapolis with Joyce Byers. You didn't believe any of that, but it was kind of strange for Jim to go off radars just like that. You knew that he's at least partially okay, but where he was or what he was up to, you haven't got any idea.

You leaned over the desk to take another offer, swaying your hips in the direction of table number four. What were the kids up to, you had no idea - you just knew that Eleven had teamed up with Max and that she had some relationship trouble with Mike. They told you that they have plans - and you trusted Eleven. You made a compromise with Jim that she can plan something on the Fourth of July and you kept your word. You simply trusted her, not asking any more questions.

"Breaking news." - The news suddenly shifted from a playful and happy tone to a completely serious one. Everybody, including you, in the room, looked at the screen, while you put the plates down. Could it be a fire started by the fireworks? Or did something happened at the fair? You shut up and watched the TV. Then an image of Starcourt mall in flames flashed on the screen and there could be gasps and whispers heard in the room. Your heart stopped as well, imaging Eleven anywhere near this.

"Starcourt mall is on fire. The source of the fire itself remains a mystery, but about thirty people are rumored to be inside the building at the moment." - A woman on the screen said with a completely serious, yet emotionless face. That was... Tragic. Truly tragic. How could one of the most modern shopping centers catch on fire? On the Fourth of July? Was it an error on the inside or could fireworks cause that?

"Local police Chief, James Hopper, is rumored to be inside along with eight teenagers who he intended to safe from the construction. Stick with us for news as soon as we got any." - She said and the logo of the TV station appeared on the screen.

Your look immediately traveled to Ada and your boss, who come to listen to the breaking news as well, your heart racing at the speed of light, thumping so loud that you could barely hear anything else. Hopper. Hopper was inside. In the falling apart building which caught on fire. They were yelling at you to drive there, so you nodded and not caring about the uniform, you ran to your old car.

Everything seemed to be unclear and smudged - you running to the car, starting it and driving off to the mall, breaking every possible speed limit that existed. You listened to the radio station informing on the current situation, but there were no mentions of Hopper or the teenagers. They were only talking about the firefighters and more and more policemen driving in, the sirens of ambulance cars in the distance and about how destroyed Starcourt appeared. It was slowly coming down.

You stopped in the middle of the parking lot, even leaving the motor running, just jumping off and running directly to the crime scene. You ran to where the police tape was starting, joining those who already stood there. It was indeed in flames. And it was one of the most terrifying things you've seen. Your mouth opened up as you looked at the dark clouds of smoke coming from the inside, the destroyed foyer which could be perfectly seen from the spot you were standing at and at the disoriented. Lost people standing there... Waiting for something. Anything.

You looked closely and furrowed - you realized that just in front of you, there was Steve Harrington dressed up in his Scoops Ahoy uniform sitting on the ground with a blonde girl, the medics were patching up his beaten up face and wrapping him up in a blanket. There were Eleven's friends sitting around on the pavement in front of Starcourt, everyone had a blanket over their shoulders. You noticed even Joyce Byers and Murray Bauman coming out, supported by the firemen, Joyce running to her son as soon as she saw him, not caring about the medics. She was crying her eyes out, her expression was terrified and she clearly couldn't understand a thing that was happening. But she hugged Will tighter.

And then you noticed her. Eleven standing in the middle of all of that chaos, with a patch on her forehead, dressed up in a bright yellow shirt with a black pattern, looking completely out of focus. She was searching for Hopper. Your crying got louder just because you knew she's safe.

You crouched under the tape, not caring about all the policemen that came from Bloomington, running towards her. You were screaming her name with relief. She turned to you, unable to take a gasp at the situation, she didn't know what to do at all. One of the officers almost ran after you, but Powell shook his head and caught his shoulder. Eleven was known as your daughter just as you were known as her mother. Nobody cared how you got together or that you were only about ten years apart from each other, they just knew you're family.

Eleven ran to your arms, almost bringing you down. Your hands grasped her face, your fingers cleaned it up a bit before you kissed her forehead and brought her closer to your body, almost suffocating her. You couldn't care less - the relief was just too strong.

"Ah, baby girl." - You mumbled with sobbing, still holding her in your arms. She started to cry as well, hugging your bistro uniform with her palms. Where was he? Where was your goddamn fiancé? Why wasn't he coming out of the flames? You were holding Eleven, which made you partially calm, but there was no sign of Hopper.

Joyce slowly looked around to see Karen Wheeler, Mrs. Sinclair and Mrs. Handerson running towards their boys, but then she looked at you, holding Eleven tightly. You were searching for something and Eleven was too - until her gaze fell on Joyce. She brought Will even closer when the events happening just minutes ago resurfaced on her mind. And Eleven knew what was going on in a second - and at the time, she truly started to cry.

Jim loved both you more than anything in the whole world. If there was anything he would sacrifice for, it was you two. If there was anyone that gave his life a direction and meaning, it was his daughter and the love of his life. He sacrificed himself, so you could be safe. But it dragged you to the hell and back - it was soon about to, but you didn't see it coming yet.

When you realized that maybe Hopper isn't coming out, you could swear that you felt the ground shaking under your feet. Did Eleven know that too? Of course, she did know that. She wasn't dumb.

That night, you both slept at your mother's - well, Eleven cried herself to sleep with her head on your thighs and you were sitting at the coffee table with a mug of black tea with a blanket over your shoulders, still watching the news, hoping for some news about Hopper. Your mother was with you the whole time, watching over you since your eyes were practically glued to the TV screen. And there were news, around five in the morning - but they sure as hell weren't good.

"We have another breaking news about the Starcourt mall being in flames." - The moderator said with a completely serious face - this time, it was a man. Your palm tightened around your mother's as you moved closed with your breath stuck. - "The list of the victims had finally been completed. Along with thirty citizens of Hawkins and Bloomington, there is also the name of local police Chief, James Hopper..." - He confined his speech, but you didn't listen to any of the things he said anymore. Your covered your mouth with your palm closed your eyes tightly and started to cry again. The coldness hugged your body tightly, flowing all over you, making your head spin and your heart thump a bit slower than it used to.

You pulled yourself together, but it was just because of Eleven. You needed to be strong for her - you were both suffering in your special way, but there were many things to go through. You gave yourself a few days to cry and to try to get a hold on that shock, mostly just sticking together, like cooking, or reading or just nuzzling while watching a movie. She was allowed to sleep with you in your bed, it somehow made the falling asleep easier.

After a week, you knew that you had to do something - so you decided to visit Joyce in her workplace, dropping Jane off at Mike's to spend some time with her friends, which could also make her help to feel better. You knew that you're not able to take care of Eleven on your own. You wanted to. You couldn't even say out loud in words how much you wanted to - but you hadn't your place, you hadn't even your diploma finished, you hadn't got any work... You weren't in a position to take care of your baby girl.

But Joyce could help you with that. She was surprised to see you walking in, especially with how bad you looked. There was no wonder why did you look so bad, but you looked like a ghost.

"Oh, hey there." - She waved at you with a small smile on her lips. She was looking tired as well, but at least, she did stop with living her life. She couldn't stop her whole life, not even for a minute since her need to be the rock for Johathan and Will was too strong. Eleven was also the one keeping you going - without her, you wouldn't be most likely ready to get up in the morning. Those were just things only moms could understand.

"Hi, Joyce." - You smiled back and took a sandwich out of your bag, giving it to her. - "Are you up for lunch? Took you some Bologna one, since I heard you like them the most."

Of course that Joyce was. It was a normal working day, which meant that she won't have much to do until two p.m. You sat in front of Melvald's under the summer sun and the warm wind, eating sandwiches. You knew you can talk to Joyce about the Hopper situation - she was his friend and probably, she was with him until the end. She was the first person who had crossed your mind when you thought about letting Eleven go to live her own life.

“How are you feeling, darling?” - She took your left hand to yours, looking at the small piece of silver on your ring finger. It was still there - just as she remembered it months ago when you first visited Melvald’s after that big day.

“Like a piece of fucking shit, not gonna lie.” - You chuckled bad and nodded to yourself. - “But she's making me feel better. What about Will and Jonathan? How are they holding up?”

“You know boys. They're almost adults, so they don't talk to their mamma about everything going on inside their heads. If there would be something off, I'm sure that they would come to me.” - She smiled back with sincerity. She was such a good mom and even a better human being. You haven't talked to Joyce much before you and Hop started dating, but when you got to meet her, you knew that you love that human being. She was also the one who supported your decision to date Hopper from the very start.

“I heard you'll be moving out of Hawkins?” - You asked and took a fair bit from that sandwich. You haven't eaten properly in a week, so you knew that even that small Bologna sandwich will bring you to bellyache.

“People talk, don't they?” - Joyce giggled back and nodded soon after. - “I'm thinking about Maine. But maybe ill change my mind.” - She shook her shoulders and smiled sadly. - “It will be strange to leave Hawkins. I'm living here since the day I was born and my boys do too.”

This was your time to ask her. You just prepared yourself to shoot the question out blatantly.

“What about taking Eleven with you?” - You told her a bit too quickly, taking a deep breath after that. You gave yourself a long time to think about how you'll continue the speech. - “I mean... Joyce. I don't want to get rid of her by any means, I love her with everything I have and since last week, she's the only one who keeps me in the boundaries of sanity. But she endured already too much in Hawkins - Jim told me about her escaping a lab near the town, she was surviving in the woods on her own, he adopted her and now, when he's gone... We still have each other and nothing’s more powerful than that, but I don't think I can do it on my own.” - You told silently and Joyce, even though she was already furrowing at you, didn't interrupt your speech.

“I don't have anything to give her - no flat, no money, my job isn't the best and I'm still a college student. My parents would take care of her, yeah, but... I don't think she would be happy here. Everything's going to remind her more and more as the time passes and I know so, because I already see memories of Jim every time I walk out, or when I cross the police station... And it's painful and numbing. I don't feel like I can take care of her, not at this point in my life.” - You caught Joyce's hand, looking her in the eyes, having a completely serious expression. - “Please, I beg you. Take her with you, I'll send you money for the rent and food, I’ll support her, I’ll visit you as often as I can, just... Don't let her rot in Hawkins.”

Joyce was watching your hands on her thigh, still chewing the last bite of the Bologna sandwich she took, processing all the information. There were a lot of things you tried to say and she wasn't completely sure if she caught all of them, but the things she heard, they were pretty rational as far as she could say. As a mother, she could feel how hard it must've been to even ask the questions you did or to even allow yourself to think about them.

It did make sense.

“Darling, I know it's hard for the both of you and I know how in pain you are while asking me and the least I can do is saying yes. You can count on me and Jonathan. You need time for yourself and once you're ready, I know you'll give Eleven the best home a child can ask for.” - Joyce answered with a low smile, making you cry with gratitude once again. The last thing you needed to do was to talk to Eleven about that - which was the worst part about everything.

You weren't ready to talk about the moving out until the end of August - you dodged the subject in both your head and conversations with Eleven. You told your mother and even if you had a huge argument after that, she could say that she understands why you chose such a radical solution.

When you felt like you're finally ready to talk about that with Eleven, you lit a fire on your parent’s garden and made both of you some tea while she prepared the marshmallows to roast.

“Come here.” - You smiled at her and rose your right arm. She took it as an invitation and you snuggled her up to your side, kissing her temple. She smiled and leaned a bit away from you - she was getting older and as most of the kids of her age, she started to think that things like that are cringy. - “I need to tell you something, okay?” - You whispered and Eleven nodded, while she started to roast the first pieces of the sweet treat.

“It doesn't make me happy, baby girl, but... I was silent about all of that for already a bit too long. You know I love you and that I want you to be happy, right?” - You asked with a slight furrow, watching the flames. Eleven slightly nodded, still looking away from you. - “I think it would be better if you move out with Joyce, you know?”

That was when her big, brown and widened eyes looked you in the face. You were already crying at that moment, being completely broken. She shook her head, catching your palm in hers.

“I don't want to go.” - She whispered, starting to cry as well. You palmed her face, hugging her with your eyes closed, trying to keep yourself calm. How could you stay calm in a situation like that one? - “My home is here with you, Mike and grandma. Why don't you understand?”

“And it will always be your home, baby. You just need to give me some time to find us a flat, I need to finish that degree... But then, it will be just us again.” - You whispered and cried, even more, feeling as Eleven wiggled out of your embrace. She threw the stick away, not even thinking about eating the marshmallows. You completely failed that one as a mother. You should tell her sooner and choose different words. This was just a stupid move.

“I don't want to go!” - She yelled and stormed off to somewhere. You stayed there all alone, crying and regretting ever doing this.

The following weeks were extremely hard for you. You finally visited the cabin again alongside Joyce, Steve Harrington, Jonathan, and Eleven, trying to save at least something. You cried with relief when you found all of your photo albums untouched and the framed photo still standing on the nightstand. There was even his naughty album, which you took with you as well, knowing well it has some photos of him too.

Most of all, you saved the rest of yours, his and Eleven’s clothes, moving a lot of it to Joyce’s house afterward. You kept a lot of his t-shirts and flannels, giving Eleven the ones she liked the most.

When the day of your separation came, you both lived at Joyce’s for a week to help her with packing all of the things. Joyce was making you occupied and laughing almost all the time, not thinking about what is coming. Even Eleven stepped aside from being very angry with you, she still was, but she started hugging you again and calling you mom. You and Joyce agreed on the kids staying every day of the week since you knew that they spent their best years together.

Especially sad you were about Mike - he was about to lose not only a girlfriend but also a friend he knew since kindergarten. The day before Byers left Hawkins, the house was empty, but you had a big pizza party, letting the kids do everything they wanted in the living room. And to your surprise, they played Dungeons and Dragons until the morning came around.

“Can you for a minute?” - You asked Eleven when she helped Will and Mike to pack the younger Byers’ room. She nodded, leaving the two boys alone. Joyce knew what you’re about to do, so she left the kitchen and told the kids not to come there. You gave her a small, wrapped up package, encouraging her to open it up.

It was the blue shirt Hopper gave you before you almost left for Indianapolis. It started to smell like you, since you wore it a lot, but now, it was time to pass on the legacy. Eleven knew you loved that piece of flannel, so she held it on her chest, looking you in the face. - “Why?” - She whispered.

“This shirt was really special for Jim. It’s a family tradition that one gives it to a person they love. He got it from Sara, then, and one day, he gave it to me. And it's my turn to pass the shirt on. I want you to have it.” - You smiled at her, kissing the back of her head once again.

“I love you, you know that, right? And he loves you too.” - You whispered when she hugged you so tight you could barely breathe, making you close your eyes while you closed your eyes, leaning your nose into her hair. - “I know that, mom. I know.”

And when you watched her leave with Joyce, crying her eyes out as well as everyone else, you knew that the part of you which belonged to Jim left on that day with Eleven. She was taking it away with her, leaving her behind against her will. Nancy drove you back home that night, but you knew that your world is never going to be the same as it was when they were with you.

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allofthefeelings · 5 years

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Hi. I forgot that sad endings exist, and now, I'm scared stupid after your last BW movie post. She's dead already! I want something close to happy! (Oh god, I hope the fanfics come through 😭😭😭)

(Before I begin, I would also like you to know that, while this is over 4000 words long, I did cut a several-paragraphs-long digression comparing the BW movie to Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas. You’re welcome.)

I know I’m once again outing myself as an optimist here, and I’m sure I’ll also end up getting smug asks in four months when much of my speculation is wrong, but what the hell. If I was on this tumblr to be right I would have made a LOT of different decisions.

So.

I really, truly don’t think we’re going to get a sad ending.

But the question is, how does it achieve a not-sad ending? Or, to completely re-frame and re-structure: for a character like Natasha, what exactly is a happy ending?

Buckle in, because this gets long.

I think we can all agree that, by definition, we’re starting the movie from a point of melancholy at best, just because we know that in 2023 Natasha will be dead. She doesn’t get to ride into the sunset in any way, shape, or form. Every other solo movie- even the ones with tragic endings, like Thor Ragnarok’s destruction of Asgard and a large portion of its people- have given characters a path forward and the odds that even if this won’t give them a happy ending, it gives them a way towards one. It ends with hope. There isn’t room for that here, for obvious reasons. But what there is room for- and this is, ironically, achievable because of one of the major flaws of IW- is the idea that she did achieve growth, and then had six years to live the life she wanted.

Or, not the life she WANTED, which probably would not have been one part on the run/five parts half of society obliterated by Thanos. Let’s say she had the chance to live a terrible life self-actualized.

IW’s complete and utter lack of meaningful characterization for 90% of the cast means that we don’t really have a sense of where Natasha was in that movie. That gives a lot of room to play with, to put Natasha at the end of the BW movie in a place that she wants to be in. In other words, they can retroactively argue that the reason Natasha isn’t given room to grow in IW is that she had achieved her growth in between CW and IW.

Which, look. Doylistically this is beyond bullshit. Doylistically this is actually offensive, and if they’re looking to retroactively placate us about how Natasha’s arc went, it really doesn’t work. I’m not talking about what was intended, or what was achieved; I don’t think this is either of those. I’m talking about what we can choose to read into it.

And, frankly, as a Natasha fan, that’s pretty much all we do anyway. I can argue (and clearly have argued) her arc for ages, but that’s all the work I’ve done, and you (collective, Natasha fans) have done- not the work the text has done.

None of this is remotely answering the question. But I think it’s necessary groundwork to begin to answer the question.

Because what the BW movie can give us is that growth arc that takes place in the negative spaces of canon.

Well, first of all, the BW movie gives us the fact that things happen at all in the negative spaces of canon. I know I’ve discussed this already, but it’s worth mentioning again: the way audiences are supposed to read texts is that everything pertinent happens on screen. Even supplemental texts that are considered canonical (cut scenes, novelizations, official tie-in comics, movie scripts) are deemed inherently less valuable because they aren’t on the screen. This movie affirms that important events are happening off-screen, to everyone- or at least everyone who isn’t front and center.

This is, again, infuriating, and I feel like when I say this I’m inadveretently contributing to justification. That is not my intention. Natasha’s growth should have been on screen and should have been seen as important. I hate that it’s reduced to a single movie after ten years and the character’s death. I don’t think this justifies it. AT THE SAME TIME, I think this opens space for us to look at lots of characters who haven’t gotten the screen time they deserved.

(Like, they may never give Rhodey the movie he deserves, but at least no one can tell us that if he did something worth seeing it would have been on screen. This movie’s existence is a rebuttal of that. This is a digression but one I’m gonna keep making until everyone starts casually referring to awesome shit Rhodey did off-screen because WHY THE FUCK NOT, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, “IT DIDN’T HAPPEN ON SCREEN” IS NO LONGER PROOF OF ANYTHING EXCEPT THEY HAVEN’T DONE THE SET-IN-THE-PAST MOVIE YET. Y E T.)

But we also get the possibility of growth, and to analyze what growth means for Natasha’s character.

So here is an issue: I can tell you, with a frankly absurd amount of confidence, what I read Natasha’s arc as. I can lay it out from film to film, I can point to key growth moments, I can read a lot into every scrap that made it into the final cut and I can tell you exactly why, and I feel like if you dig into my history you’re going to find a lot of me citing specific scenes to make my point so I’m not going to go too in-depth on an already-long post that is getting exponentially longer. I think that Natasha’s key arc is in figuring out who she is and what she needs, and how to be a person rather than a reflection of what is asked of her. I think that the mirror imagery in the trailer and in the SDCC/D23 BW footage lends credence to this being a key theme of the movie.

But I have absolutely no idea if I’m right, because the MCU has never considered Natasha to be important enough to be the focus, and as a result I read her arc mostly through the ways she mirrors other characters’ stories, usually to show their strengths by comparison. I do my best to make arguments that are textually supported, but at the same time, it’s like describing the sun entirely from the way that its light reflects off the moon.

So I can say that for the BW movie to be satisfying, it needs to offer completion to her arc, which is then capped in IW/Endgame but would have reached its climax in the BW movie. But since I cannot confidently tell you what her arc has been so far, I can’t figure out exactly how that arc could be satisfactorily completed. Which means, after SEEING the movie, I will have to retroactively figure out how they saw her arc, and then figure out if this was a satisfactory way to end it.

But an argument done in hindsight is colored by what I’ve already seen, and that’s a cheat. So let’s start over.

Here is what we know:

Natasha was taken from her family very young (Endgame: didn’t know her father’s name). As a child, she was abused and manipulated by the Red Room (Agent Carter; Age of Ultron). She was trained to be a Black Widow, did terrible shit for them for a while, defected, became a mercenary, did terrible shit for the highest bidder (Avengers). Clint was sent to kill her but made a different call and brought her in to SHIELD (Avengers). Natasha quickly rose in the ranks and became one half of a STRIKE team watched over by Fury’s right-hand man, Coulson (Avengers). Natasha also became very close with Nick Fury, the head of SHIELD (IM2, Cap2). At some point in there she was shot by the Winter Soldier (Cap2). She was one of the people behind putting together the Avengers Initiative, identifying Tony Stark as not qualified (IM2), and recruited into the team herself (Avengers). She did not leave the Avengers teams for the next 11 years; she was on the first iteration (lasting through Age of Ultron), the second (Age of Ultron through Civil War), and then the Secret Avengers (which we can now assume starts post-BW through Infinity War) and Avengers 3.0 (five-year gap team), as well as the Quantum Realm Team-Up Team right up til she got yeeted off Vormir.

We’ll set Secret Avengers and Team 3.0 aside for the moment, as they’re things that will exist post-BW movie canon.

Natasha’s narrative role has often been to be so amazing that when she’s bested, we know the other person is really good. The best way for me to pull this together into a coherent throughline is that Natasha tends to be bested by people with passion and emotional stakes. When Natasha is just doing her job, but Pepper cares about Tony or the Dora Milaje care about T’Challa, she is outmatched. In Cap2, when Natasha cares deeply about SHIELD and who she’s loyal to, she is able to outmatch everyone she faces, but since she’s a secondary character and her act isn’t as highly visible on screen, her heroism isn’t as spotlighted.

(That said, make no mistake, WE WILL BE COMING BACK TO HER HEROIC MOVE IN THIS MOVIE.)

Her role has also been, as I mentioned earlier, to be a mirror to the white male heroes. She mirrors Tony in IM2, Clint in Avengers, Steve in Cap2, and Bruce in Ultron. I can make a strong argument, that I feel is supported by each text, that each of these mirrors is about moderation, and both the white man of choice and Natasha finding that the ideal is somewhere between both points: the space between how and why Tony and Natasha handle secrecy; between how Clint and Natasha handle guilt; between how Steve and Natasha handle trust; between how Bruce and Natasha handle self-hatred. That the writers and directors often disagree with my read of this does not, in any way, dissuade me from believing it, but it does mean that this may not be the arc we’re looking at in the movie.

By the arcs that I’ve traced, though, they have a fair amount of leeway to give a satisfying conclusion no matter what the plot is. By having other characters mirroring Natasha, she is centered in a way she never had been, and simply being the protagonist of her own story is part of Natasha’s journey we haven’t seen. We know that this is going to in some way revisit the Red Room, and that means that we’ll get to see a story where Natasha is passionate about and personally connected to what she’s fighting. We also know that whatever the story is, it will not be Natasha mediating someone else’s approach to the world, but Natasha’s approach to the world with someone else (I’m guessing Yelena?) mediating her worldview, in a way that gives Natasha growth but does not undercut her as someone who had so much to learn from the REAL hero.

All plot to the side, simply because Natasha is the protagonist, there is an element of satisfaction inherent, both textually and metatextually, because Natasha’s role of being sidelined is both within the text and within the media landscape a struggle she’s finally able to overcome. There is also a metatextual satisfaction just in cleaning up the bits and pieces of canon that we’ve gotten that were left hanging. For example, in her heroic climax in Winter Soldier, Natasha- who was so focused on being able to transform into whatever was necessary- released a fuck-ton of national security information on the internet, including her own history, that made her both immutable and knowable. (Do you ever think about how this means that people living within the MCU know more about Natasha’s background than we, the audience, does? Because I do, c o n s t a n t l y.) Natasha went from working undercover and in the shadows to being an Avenger and releasing not just her own and not just SHIELD’s but also the Red Room’s dirty laundry in public, and that has never had narrative consequences; this is a great opportunity to use that, closing a loop that most people probably forgot even existed.

Speaking of closure.

I think this movie HAD to be designed with that specifically in mind. I don’t think they necessarily expected the backlash they got from Natasha’s death (I’m going to be honest here; I didn’t expect it from anyone but Natasha fans), but at least they had to know that people who had been promised Natasha would get her due in canon would be frustrated and want some sign that the complexity of the character that had been talked up for a decade was actually part of the story they put on film. Marvel wants to placate fans, yes, but they wouldn’t waste millions upon millions of dollars on a movie to get us to shut up; their job is to bring in money, and it’s not like they haven’t gotten ten years’ worth from us. They’re also savvy enough to know that for a character who’s no longer alive in canon, they need to do things that make their story relevant even without them having future appearances- and I think we’ll see that in Yelena and Taskmaster- but also to make this story have stakes.

Yeah, we never spend a Marvel movie saying “Oh geez, what if the hero dies?” (well, aside from Civil War, because comics oontext), but right now we’re going in knowing (or, bare minimum, thinking we know) exactly what happens to Natasha. Where she’ll end up just under two years from when the story starts is set in stone (NO PUN INTENDED). So we need another way to give the story stakes. Natasha’s life and her future aren’t up in the air. Her past is, I guess, but they’ve been clear this movie isn’t about her past. And where that leaves us is the emotional journey. I outlined above what I think that is, but it doesn’t have to be that to be satisfying- it just has to be some way to leave Natasha changed in a way that surprises us as audience.

And, sure, that could be loss- that could be betrayal from everyone in this movie, leaving her alone and with no one to turn to but the Avengers- but I don’t think that is. I think that’s looking at Natasha’s story like she’s still a secondary character, rather than the protagonist. The basic structure of a superhero movie (and specifically a Marvel movie) is that the protagonist suffers defeat but ultimately triumphs, internally if not externally, having learned something that takes them farther on their emotional journey. Since (as far as we )know this is the only movie Nat’s getting- she’s not getting a trilogy or a Dis+ show- this needs to take her farther than most single-protagonist movies have.

In terms of another kind of closure: If the movie doesn’t offer at least a hint of a way Nat could come back (and I’m still hoping for that no matter how unlikely it is, and if it doesn’t happen I’m hoping for it in the Dr Strange sequel, and after that I’m sure I’ll find another path), I think there’s an excellent chance the post-credits scene will be a funeral for her. Given that they have SebStan and Mackie and Emily Van Camp shooting together right now, it would be very easy to at the VERY least get us a scene of them mourning her. It’s not the same as Tony’s giant lakehouse memorial, but it’s about half the characters who were close to her when she was alive (the others being Clint, Maria, and Fury, and I’m pretty sure they could have put an hour of time on the FFH set to the latter two having five seconds of looking solemn). I think that, given the backlash to Endgame, they need something like this: we need to see, on screen, conclusive proof that Natasha’s life mattered, not just for the audience, but for the world she lived in.

My dream would be for the entire movie to use a frame story OF her funeral- people talking about her, different memories and different understandings, that combine in different ways to collectively show a whole. Fucking Rashomon that shit. But we all know they’re not going to do that.

I recognize I am still talking satisfying and not happy.

But what exactly is happy? What exactly is the happy ending Natasha might want?

She’s not a character who wants to retire or settle down somewhere. As much as we in the audience talk about wanting her to get a break, we’ve never seen that from her, and we also don’t see a world that could really offer that to her; especially post-Cap2, Natasha does not have the luxury of escaping her past even if she did want to.

We don’t know her goals. We don’t know what she wanted outside of making amends for her past. We’ve gotten that from almost every other character- say what you want about Steve’s Endgame ending (god knows I have), or about Bruce being a public figure that kids love, but at least there was groundwork laid for it.

i think the best argument we have for what makes Natasha happy is in Civil War, when it’s taken away. Natasha is willing to give up things that are important to her (her autonomy) in favor of not losing her team; being together is the priority for her. By the end of Civil War, she’s lost even that; she’s seen to have betrayed her entire team and has no one. By IW we know that she re-finds her group, that she and Steve and Sam and Wanda are a tightly-knit unit, but we have to piece it together ourselves, and we have no way to know that it’s by choice rather than necessity. (The BW trailer is really the first time we get evidence that Natasha has more resources than just the Avengers or SHIELD; even fic has tended to just posit she has empty safehouses, not living people she can go to.) The BW movie could give her that team, and retroactively make her appearance in IW a reward for her- having found the team she wanted- rather than just the natural place for her to end up.

But I can’t see how that would even work without at least some of Chris Evans, Anthony Mackie, and Elizabeth Olsen appearing in this movie and showing on screen that Natasha has her people. We haven’t seen evidence they aren’t, but at least I haven’t heard any rumors they are, the way we’ve heard rumors about RDJ.

And there’s something awful, to me, in Natasha constantly being supporting in other people’s movies, which exist to seem self-contained even if they’re not, but then in her movie her emotional fulfillment relying on things that happen elsewhere- the implication that her emotional arc can’t even support a single movie.

In terms of what we’ve seen achieved, Natasha seems happiest when she’s solving a problem, when she’s fighting and winning and being the hero she doesn’t quite believe she is. But that’s not something that can be an end to an arc, of a decade or even of two hours. No matter how great that is, it’s a momentary thing, and it’s fleeting. That’s happiness but not narratively satisfying

This remains not an answer to the original questions.

I think part of the issue is, it’s not necessarily that we need Natasha to be happy, for her to have a happy ending. It’s that we, the audience, wants to be happy- and frankly, I don’t think that’s unreasonable; we’re not going to blockbusters to have our hearts torn out (and I think that after Endgame especially, Natasha fans are not ready or willing to do that again). And so we’re looking less at how Natasha can be happy, but how we can be happy. Selfishly, I’d even add: how we can be happy without doing the work. How we can be happy without conspiracy-theorizing our way to a satisfying narrative, but rather, a narrative that’s already on the screen, that we can just roll around in and enjoy.

I realize how bizarre this is to say after 3000+ words, but: I want the opportunity to be a lazy viewer. I want the chance to take things in without having to take responsibility for making them into something I want to see. I don’t want to have to reverse-engineer her story; I want to dig into the minutiae that is maybe actually intended.

On some level, that’s going to be the happy ending for me. Just having a whole text to dive into is a gift. (I am probably monkey-pawing myself just by saying this, which is the same kind of bullshit I argued for Age of Ultron- but then, I still can rewatch Ultron and find a lot that I like.) And Natasha getting a narrative win- which, as protagonist, she kind of has to- will be a happy ending for me.

But I’m a Natasha fan. This is expected.

What I think is the real question under all of this- what I’ve been struggling to tease out from my own feelings, and maybe now I’m finally getting to it- is a different question entirely: how can Marvel craft a story that sticks with their formula of giving a protagonist a win and something like a happy ending, while telling a story about a character who has been sidelined for ten years until they killed her off? Setting aside those of us who are overly invested in Natasha’s arc, what is the path to telling a story that the majority of the audience- most of whom haven’t traced her history, many of whom are casual fans, some of whom probably didn’t even see Endgame- finds fulfilling and happy?

The hero has to win, obviously. The hero has to triumph. Natasha has to come away having saved the world (stopping a villain from destruction), her world (protecting those close to her), and her internal world (some kind of emotional progress/catharsis). There will be moments intended for the audience to cheer. That’s a formula that you can find in nearly every superhero movie, and with good reason; I can’t think of why it wouldn’t apply here.

So looping back around, the question about the sad ending really is just for those of us who are deeply engaged. It’s not “will Natasha triumph?” because yes, she will- of course she will. We are going to get a movie where the world will be saved by Natasha (which has happened before) and the text will acknowledge that (which it really has not). The real question at hand is “will Natasha’s triumph be enough to mitigate the substantial losses she’s had in the other movies, or will it be bittersweet, her success here just underscoring the way that her biggest narrative win was to kill herself for no recognition?”

Which, of course, on some level, will vary from audience member to audience member. But I think that, with the awareness of how Endgame worked, and the knowledge of exactly when this movie is coming out, they have to at least try to give her- and us- this.

It’s now 5:15 AM and this is over 4000 words long and if you’ve read all this you deserve a medal. I’m happy to clarify or expand on anything in a few hours when I get up; I know that I circled a few points rather than clearly making them, but I’m no longer even completely sure what is common knowledge and what is me projecting. Hopefully this can at least start a conversation?

ETA: And anon, I am sure no matter what happens, fanfic will have our backs.

#allofthereplies #Anonymous #meta #Black Widow #Black Widow movie #BW speculation #Natasha Romanoff #IM2 spoilers #Avengers spoilers #Cap2 spoilers #Avengers2 spoilers #Cap3 spoilers #Avengers3 spoilers #Avengers4 spoilers #I cannot stress enough that I'm sorry I'm like this #long post

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kageyuji · 4 years

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(Here comes the biggest ship request ever, I apologize in advance.) hi!! Please and thank you for a ship for Twilight, Maze Runner, Friends, Buzzfeed Unsolved, Harry Potter, Divergent, Percy Jackson, Good Place and Pirates! (You are by all means allowed to tell me to go screw myself, and only do a select few or even none of these- I know it’s a lot!) I am a straight female, I’m 5’7, on the chubby side, I have long brown hair, brown eyes, I’m a Slytherin, I love animals but am a cat person-

I got this request really late at night and for whatever reason the “you are by all means allowed to tell me to go screw myself” sent me, so thanks for that lmao.

Also, I didn’t end up doing Unsolved or Pirates because I couldn’t decide, I hope that’s okay :)

For Twilight, I ship you with Embry!

Even if you like cats especially, you love animals and...well...

Embry has a weird respect for the arts. A lot of the Quileute tribe elders are really artistic, so they do a lot of drawings and occasionally paintings. So, he has learned to love art. Yours is no different.

Plus, he really likes stories, he could sit and listen to the campfire stories until dawn if he was allowed.

So he’d like to read your writing, he’d be hanging on to every word.

I can’t explain why, but Embry is definitely the one to enjoy music. He likes to listen to you sing.

He’s really understanding about your anxiety. Before he shifted, he had a lot of anxiety too.

He and the pack are really tightly knit, so don’t worry about having to meet too many new people.

Everyone is really nice, but Embry would warn them to back off if you seemed to be getting uncomfortable

He likes your personality too, though

You’re just so bubbly and sarcastic, it’s something that he can definitely get behind.

Embry likes to stay up late, too. He does probably get a bit of an earlier start though, just because he has a lot of energy.

But he loves to stay up late with you, talking or doing whatever.

He’s also one of the few people in the pack that really like video games, so if you’d want to stay up late owning him in whatever game you want to play, he’d be fine with that too.

For Maze Runner, I ship you with Newt!

Art isn’t really something that’s common in the Glade, there had been a few canvases that had come up in the box, but no one really knew what they were for.

Then you showed up, and started creating drawings and paintings. All of the boys love your work, but Newt in particular. He just can’t fathom how you’ve managed to do that with just your hands and a paintbrush.

He also really likes your singing voice. A lot of the boys came up with little limericks, especially after drinking a little too much, but then he hears you singing he’s kind of surprised.

It’s just not something that happens a lot in the Glade, and he was definitely into the arts before he lost his memories.

Newt definitely understands depression and anxiety, so when he saw how sad or anxious you got sometimes, he probably got close to you. He’d tell you how he got his limp, and teach you ways that he’s learned to deal with being anxious.

Newt likes staying up later, too. He’s not a runner anymore and therefore he doesn’t have to get up so early, so he’d probably stay up late with you.

He likes your humor, it reminds him of how bright the world must be outside of the maze (I’ll see myself out lmao)

For Friends, I ship you with Chandler!

He’s definitely a cat person, just try and convince me otherwise

You two would be so sarcastic together

He can’t draw or paint very well, but he does like all kinds of art.

He likes to look at your drawings and paintings, he could spend an afternoon just looking through your sketchbook.

He also isn’t the best at singing, but he tries.

He’d definitely be the guy that sings along with his girlfriend, purposely sounding horrible just because he wants too.

Chandler is pretty intune with mental health, he learned a lot about it whenever he was trying to recover from his cigarette addiction.

He finds your sarcasm really funny, he’s just one of those people who likes sarcasm. Not to mention that you two sometimes have complete conversations using sarcasm and sarcasm only.

When you wake up all grumpy, he can’t help himself but to laugh and poke fun at how cute you look.

Especially when the two of you stayed up making crappy jokes the night before, and he keeps remembering them.

For Harry Potter, I ship you with Harry!

He doesn’t care that you’re Slytherin, though let’s just say he does find it amusing when Malfoy gets pissed because Harry got a girlfriend before Malfoy.

Harry was told he was nothing for his entire childhood, so he understands about all of your anxieties and depression.

He’d be there to comfort you, he just wants you to feel safe and happy.

He also doesn’t like to be around people that much, he likes his friends but everyone knows him but he doesn’t know most of them.

So he doesn’t really try to get you to hang out with him in big crowds, he gets that people are overwhelming.

Ron and Hermione are really the only people he’s close with, so don’t worry too much about having to meet too many people.

Harry doesn’t stay up too late, but he has pulled a few all nighters to finish schoolwork he forgot about.

He has always found the paintings at Hogwarts fascinating, but he will admit that they talk an awful lot and can be annoying.

So, he likes your art — any form of it, actually — but he could stare at especially your paintings all day.

For Divergent, I ship you with Four!

He’s a Dauntless, but we all know he’s definitely the one that’s the most repspectful and understanding.

He understands mental health a lot more than anyone else in Dauntless, or any of the factions really.

So he’s really supportive, always watching out for you. He gets really defensive when Eric talk down to you, and he always ask you to make sure you’re okay afterwords.

The closest thing to art in Dauntless are tattoos and body mods, and maybe a few street acts, but Four really likes any kind of art.

He can’t help but watch the colors of your paintings, or listen to the sound of your voice. It’s so angelic and pretty, especially compared to everything else.

Dauntless usually have a set time for lights-out, but Four has been known to break that rule. He’d love to stay up late with you, doing whatever you wanted to.

He finds you really cute when you wake up all grumpy, he just can’t help it.

He likes your sense of humor, too. Most people don’t like to speak up to him, he accidentally scares them, so it’s weirdly nice for someone to sarcastically tell him off.

For Percy Jackson, I ship you with Leo!

The Crackhead Energy

I feel like he would definitely built you a robot cat, since pets aren’t really allowed at camp.

Everyone has their fair share of a tragic backstory at camp, but Leo is definitely the one who understands you the most out of everyone.

After his mother passed, he realized a lot of things about mental health and now he’s very intune to you.

He teaches you/helps you with breathing exercises for your anxiety a lot

On a happier note—

You two are so wild together.

Both of you are incredibly sarcastic, which can lead to some pretty interesting conversations together.

Believe it or not, Leo is actually pretty good a drawing

A good amount of design has to go into his machines and even tiny gadgets, so he’s honed his sketchwork over the years

Clean lineart and paintings are different stories

Leo is also pretty dramatic, he’s a great actor. Well, not crying, emotional tv-actor, he’s more of an animated, over-exaggerated stage play actor.

So he likes to run lines with you, and show up to your rehearsals. If someone is out for the day, he’d happily fill in and say their lines.

For The Good Place, I ship you with Jason!

Again, it’s all about the pure Crackhead Energy that both of you have

He’s lowkey kinda dumb, but his hearts in the right place, okay?

He really likes animals too!

Honestly he could spend an entire afternoon at the animal shelter with you, just hanging out with all the cute animals.

He stays up late a lot too

He’s probably playing games, let’s be honest here.

That being said, he would absolutely love to ruin anything close to a sleep schedule with you

He loves playing video games with you, he probably lets you win occasionally but otherwise he’s just losing by accident.

He’s definitely one of those boyfriends that sing along with you

But like...really horribly (horrible on purpose, of course)

Jason gets it if you don’t like to meet too many new people, thought he does tend to like any party he can get into

Don’t worry, though. He’s always down to stay home and cuddle.

#matchups #matchup #ships #ship #request #requests #divergent #four #percy jackson #leo valdez #harry potter #newt #embry #chandler #friends #maze runner #twilight

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aelinbitch-archive · 5 years

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You've probably said this before but what's your favorite aspect of the TOG series? I've only read like ten pages of the first book lol

aaaaa thank u for asking!! this sort of leads into something i’ve been meaning to talk about for a while so i hope you’re prepared for An Essay No One Wanted By Me. anyway this is a two-part answer, read below:

1. Aelin. Celaena. The main bitch, whatever you wanna call her lol. Without her I probably wouldn’t have cared about the series at all and wouldn’t currently be trapped in ToG tumblr hell reluctantly stanning a racist and homophobic series, but unfortunately when I was like twelve years old or whatever and read the first book I literally imprinted on Celaena like a baby duckling. To the extent that she became, like, the default avatar for all my maladaptive daydreaming and If I Don’t Project On Her At All Times I Will Die. It’s not like she’s the only thing I like about the series (I loooove a lot of the other characters, especially the gals, and the writing can be really great and engaging and cinematic) but Aelin has always been the supermassive black hole at the center of it all for me. I wouldn’t know how to even begin untangling her character from my psyche at this point. It’s honestly a little disturbing. Anyway.

2. Part two is a quality of the series that I feel was unprecedented in its strength in the first five books of the series (ToG-QoS plus the prequel novellas) and really really disappointingly weak in the last two books (EoS-KoA). Like I said above, Aelin has always been my main interest in tog so I read and enjoyed the last two anyway, but I definitely felt the loss of this - “this” being the detail and attention paid to all different types of relationships between characters, and how rich and unpredictable those relationships were as a result.

That sounds like kind of a broad, vague thing, but what I mean is that (in my opinion) rarely are romances and friendships and rivalries explored with such nuance, complexity, drama, and realism in most YA as they are in ToG. I remember reading Cassandra Clare’s books (lmao.) as a pre teen and loving those as well, but totally being able to predict who was going to end up with who, and finding the character dynamics to be pretty cut and dry.

In ToG that’s not the case at all. Like, you’ve got Celaena and Sam, a really complex example of enemies to lovers to….. Tragically Dead Boyfriend Whose Demise Fuels My Guilt and Self-Hatred For Seven More Books, Lysandra and Aelin, two girls pitted against each other by their abuser who team up a year later to unlearn their internalized misogyny and kill him, and Aelin and Chaol, who… how do I even describe the ups and downs (and downs. and more downs) of their relationship.

And that’s just three pairs! Pull the names of two characters out of a hat and I can almost guarantee essays worth of material could be written about them. Arobynn and Aelin? Aelin and Nehemia? Chaol and Dorian, as much as I hate both of them and feel that their relationship as been widely mischaracterized? All fascinating!!! No two people in those first few books are just friends, or just lovers, or just enemies. It’s always more complex, there’s always a history or tension or competing agendas or viewpoints that Fuck Shit Up.

And benefit of that is twofold: one, everything that happens between the characters just…. lands so well. The betrayals and triumphs and losses and victories of The Assassin’s Blade and Crown of Midnight and Queen of Shadows (especially TAB) are fucking heart-stopping. It’s great character-driven entertainment!! Gripping and engaging and vivid to the point of being painful.

And two, there’s no way to predict where a relationship is going to go. Aelin and Lysandra teaming up in QoS instead of returning to their rivalry? Who would have thought! Ansel and Celaena’s summer fling (they were in love. fight me.) ending like That? Holy fuck. Nesryn and Chaol breaking up in ToD? Oh shit! I fell for it again! Rowan and Aelin ending up together after everyone swore they were brotp in HoF? Hell yeah! Chaolaena seeming like endgame and then ending forever, with Chaol and Aelin realizing that the rift between them that began in CoM was something that would never sufficiently heal? Unprecedented. Fucking badass for a YA book to curve everyone like that. Tween me was shook out of her mind.

(Important to note, though, that the downside of this style was that SJM couldn’t tell where ~unpredictable relationships and characters~ ended and fridging began, and as a result, not one but two woc were killed off to make white characters sad and it sucked beyond belief).

Aaaaaand then QoS, the peak of literature, turned into EoS, and SJM just… gave up on all of that. I remember the first time Dorian and Manon met, and I was like oh, okay. So they’re going to end up together. And I was right. I remember that on this site, before EoS came out, before Lorcan and Elide ever fucking MET, people predicted the existence of Elorcan!! And they were right!! Like how fucking boring? Everyone is just paired off into completely predictable heterosexual ships and those are now the only relationships we get to read about (with a few exceptions, like Aelin/Aedion, Aelin/Fenrys, etc.).

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: my least favorite thing about Manorian is not that I find the relationship to be shitty (although I do, I really do). It’s that Dorian is suddenly the only character Manon gets to interact with in any meaningful way.

Like, are you kidding?! I want to read about Manon and Elide, Manon and Asterin, Rowan and Lorcan, Aelin and Lysandra, Aelin and Nesyrn, even if it’s not romantically (although some of them, like Manon and Elide, absolutely should have been, and the fact that not only was that ship very thoroughly sunk, but also they didn’t even get to TALK after QoS, felt like a real slap in the face to gay fans, but I digress), because those pairings previously had hella complexity and drama. But we don’t get to.

And this trend that’s so painfully present in the last two books Sucks for two reasons: one, every relationship that isn’t romantic (which were previously some of the most interesting ones) is abandoned so that more time can be made for The Hets™ and two, the relationships that are romantic, now the only ones left, are totally fucking boring and predictable!! If two characters are interacting at any point (if one is male and the other is female, of course) then you know for a fact that they’re not only love interests, but endgame.

And that makes me not care even when there is drama between them. Elide giving Lorcan the cold-shoulder for three hundred pages, and Manon and Dorian arguing, and Aedion being cruel to Lysandra weren’t compelling narratives to me like they should have been, because the whole time I was just thinking “but it doesn’t matter. I know it’s still endgame. There are no stakes here whatsoever; it’s a done deal.” Whereas Chaol and Celaena’s devestating breakup in CoM felt like (and was) suuuuper Real. An all-in bet on the wrong person. Crazy shit.

And not that I think two characters should never have a happy ending together (I really like rowaelin and nestaq and I would have loved malide!) but imagine how much cooler and subversive and entertaining it would have been if Elorcan, which seemed soooo totally cute and endgamey and borderline like fanfiction throughout all of EoS just ended forever right there and then on the beach, with Elide turning to Lorcan and saying “I hope you spend the rest of your miserable, immortal life suffering. I hope you spend it alone. I hope you live with regret and guilt in your heart and never find a way to endure it” - and BAM. She never speaks to him again. He’s dead to her.

I mean, talk about shock value! (See, Sarah, you can have shock value without killing of a person of color to make a white character sad 🙃). And I totally get that relational twists like that alienate fans more than just going the expected route and having them kiss and make-up does (I mean, the ending of Chaolaena in QoS certainly did, Jesus Christ) but I, Bella aelinbitch, personally live for that shit, and isn’t it only fair that all media cater directly and specifically to me? Lmao. But seriously, I do think it’s objectively more interesting, and that it keeps readers on their toes (I was on my ASS in EoS and KoA. Like. I was flat on my back sinking into the Earth).

And there are still sort of… glimmers of the old way she wrote in the first few books, but it just feels like a tease rather than something that’s really explored and indulged in the way it was before, and it just ends up being more frustrating (like what was the point of Manon and Dorian not getting married at the end of KoA if I would bet my life savings that in World of Tog it’ll be confirmed that they’re either married or still together) and sometimes downright problematic? Like to return to a previous example, I think all the drama between Aedion + Lysandra was a result of Sarah’s previous (good) instincts to shake stuff up and complicate the character dynamics, but it backfires because when they end up together, it’s not ever… worked out? Or addressed? If you create really intense drama between two people, then that needs to show up in their relationship, no matter how happy they end up together. It doesn’t just disappear.

And despite the fact that her understanding of that concept (that shit between two people doesn’t just disappear like magic) is one of my absolute favorite things about the first few books, Sarah even went as far as to use the last two books to retcon some of the original complexity away, which makes me want to rip out my hair!! Like Aelin at the end of KoA just going “Love you Chaol and Love you Dorian xoxoxoxoxox best friends forever!!!” instead of having, like, any type of mixed feelings about the way these boys treated her? I mean, come on! 100 pages earlier Chaol was openly saying she should die instead of Dorian! Why is everything just peachy-keen instead of fraught with tension!! (I know why. I know. It’s because she introduced way too many characters/POVs/storylines as the series went on and didn’t know what to do with them all besides sideline the nonromantic ones and pair off everyone else boy-girl boy-girl down the line). Or if it has to be peachy-keen, why is the peachy-keeness never critically examined as, perhaps, a repressive mechanism for Aelin to avoid dealing with painful truths from her past? Now that would be interesting.

(My ideal World of ToG would be just a transcript of the characters’ therapy sessions where Aelin realizes that her insistence that “Chaol and Dorian Are Her Friends!” is actually a way to keep herself safe emotionally and that she has plenty of reasons to hate them, and Lysandra realizes she should divorce Aedion lmao).

Anyway tldr: The variety, complexity, depth, and unpredictability of the relationships in Throne of Glass was simultaneously the most realistic (sometimes relationships of all kinds fall apart or veer off in unexpected directions and love is temporary and the boy you met in the first chapter isn’t actually your soulmate and it doesn’t mean he’s a villain) and the most gripping and dramatic (I would have been totally chill if maeve and erawan weren’t a thing and tog was just like a medieval soap opera, that’s how entertaining the character dynamics were) thing about the series, and to lose that in the last two books because of Heterosexuality (and introducing too many POVs and not knowing what to do with them all)…. kinda devastating.

This ended up being waaaaaay more complaining than it was talking about what I loved, but the only reason it bothers me so much is because it used to be so good!!! So just imagine the inverse of all the frustration I just vomited into this ask and you’ll have a good idea of how much I loved the series when things weren’t this way.

#im SO sorry for how shittily worded/ranty/emotional/long this is but *antoni from queer eye voice* a shitty YA series is actually something #that can be so personal...#greatest hits: hot takes

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whenshiphitsthefan · 5 years

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So, trying to hash out some personal stuff. If you have any insights after reading this feel free to comment because I still don't even... yeah.

CW for some references to sexual abuse

It's been six months since I finished Tophet, a story that I took about two years to write (not including the preceding story), and it turns out the entire 90k word fic was an incredibly deep allegory for why, even though my dad was alive for the first 23 years of my life and even lived in the same house for the first 12, he was almost totally absent.

The main gist of the fic is that Sam and femme!Dean are so codependent it overshadows everything else and they cannot be any other way even if they wanted to. The resolution is that their two children are having happy normal lives away from them. The ending is supposed to be tragic, but also happy if that makes sense. Sam and Dean are happy, the two kids are happy, but they aren't happy together. They can't be.

In the fic, Dean represents mental illness/depression. My dad, like Sam in the story, knew perfectly well how to be a good father but he couldn't function as one because his sickness was just too overwhelming. He hurt his children that he did love to varying degrees because of his mental issues. Sam ends up hurting his kids because of Dean.

It's gonna take a while to sort through all of it but it's incredible to me that I subconsciously crafted all this because I was, I don't know, trying to explain to myself why I didn't have a dad? Trying to tell myself that I was better off without him?

I've been messed up about this ever since I realized it.

I was never good at picking up on literary symbolism before and obviously when I wrote it I did not make any conscious decisions to make it like my life, but looking back, it's all there and you could do a whole lecture in an English course about it.

It's all fucking there. I used a dysfunctional, codependent relationship with Dean to represent clinical depression and whatever else happened to my dad to make him the way he was. I hate to say this but Crowley in the fic represents my mom, someone who provided for me materially and on some levels emotionally (IRL she truly loves all of us kids) but due to her own problems could never provide the type of parenting my dad technically knew how to do but couldn't consistently execute. There's a scene at the end where Sam uses a knife on his four day old daughter to get a couple drops of blood. It's in the woods in the dark and if that's not a metaphor for my one weird memory that may or may not be my dad molesting me then what the fuck would it be? There's another scene where Sam feels like he's sexually exposing himself to Tophet and he's not but they're in the situation because of Dean, and my dad was convicted of doing that to some random girls either before I was born or shortly after. I still don't know much about it but it's like... that's what that is.

I kind of wonder also if I was trying to explore how my dad might have felt about the situation. Like I know he felt guilty about not being there. He was also a shitty person who made shitty choices and was abusive towards my mom (Sam killing Crowley in the story might be related to that). So like, it's not like he's entirely deserving of sympathy, but I don't think I paint Sam that way in the story either. He knows perfectly well what is right and wrong and he does the wrong thing anyway because he needs Dean. I used to kind of wonder why I was writing such a dark version of Sam, because Sam doesn't go that dark until season 10 whereas I had it set in season 6/7, but it wasn't Sam I was writing.

It might be partly what my therapist initially suggested, that I keep writing Sam as a father because I'm living out a fantasy of what could have been, so maybe the story is a fantasy where my dad was a great person other than the mental illness that made him do bad things/be absent even when he technically was there.

But I was compelled to tell this story, like it was already there, so maybe I was telling the story... from his point of view?

When I first started the first story, What We Carry Inside, it was an idea that came of a random smutty fic, and I hadn't spoken to my dad in months. I started posting that one in January 2016 which is a few months after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He died in May 2016. I finished WWCI and started posting Tophet in February 2017.

So, I'm not sure how much of WWCI is about my dad (some of it definitely is fantasizing-about-having-a-normal-dad), but by the time I was actually writing Tophet, my dad had died months earlier and his story was over.

So, what I'm saying is that I spent, depending on how you look at it, 2 to 3 years telling the sad story of why I don't have a dad, and I am not sure if it was more of a "I have to take this out and look at it" or a way of defending his massive failure of a life. Again, I don't think Sam is a hero in that story. He is the protagonist, yes, and I wrote it because I love... whoever...

Idk it's like I wrote it because I love my dad (but instead of loving him I love a fictional character) and want to believe he felt bad about his failures (which I know he did to some extent) but I also portray Sam as being happy at the end. I didn't use the words but I make it clear that he isn't... guilty? about it anymore. Or that he doesn't have to be.

So. Maybe the whole fucking fic is actually a very long version of a conversation I had with my dad in August of 2015 where I told him that I forgave him for things he did and things he didn't do. Maybe I wrote all that to say "you know, dad, you were really fucked up and did fucked up things, but it's okay. I know you loved me and my siblings and something else prevented you from functioning."

(I realize I just wrote basically what Sam said to John Winchester in the 300th episode. I loved that scene because I'd actually had that talk with my dad and I was happy for Sam finally having it.)

But man I put a whole lot of time into saying something to a dead person that I'd already told him when he was alive, which makes me wonder if I was saying it to myself or maybe trying to say it to others.

Like I can sum it up as "the story is about why I didn't have a dad" but who was I trying to explain it/defend him to? Am I telling my truth, or his truth? Am I trying to convince myself of something?

I should probably see my therapist again sooner than December but on the other hand I have a lot of other fanfics to analyze.

This is just really overwhelming for some reason, realizing I put all that out there without knowing it. I seriously spent years of my life working on a story that was just a story (one I loved but still just a story) and thinking I was making creative decisions when really I wasn't because the story it's based on had already ended. The details and scenes had already been decided long before I wrote them.

I just. I was so into the dark Wincest element of that story, but that translates to a fixation on my dad's mental illness. Which I guess is fair since that's why I didn't really have a dad even though I technically did. I love dark Wincest in general. My favorite type of Sam/Dean story is when they do bad things to save each other or be with each other. So how deep does it go? How many of my Wincest fics are just about battles between us and mental illness that prevents us from doing what we want or should?,

#personal #this is a long read but not as long as the 90k word fic #supersonal

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battlekidx2 · 6 years

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Voltron Season 8

There are spoilers for season 8 so proceed with caution.

I want to start off by saying I love Voltron and there is something I love about each season of Voltron. I have been seeing quite a bit of negativity towards this season, so I want to start off talking about what I liked about this season before getting into what I didn’t. I will recommend Voltron to other people because I believe over all there were a lot of good things that it did with its characters and stories.

I liked Allura’s arc throughout this season. We got to see her struggling with the lengths she would go to to end the war and come out better because of it. She also comes to understand that not every choice in war can be without sacrifice which is something the paladins seem to struggle to understand up until this point. Allura has been consistently developed throughout the seasons and has grown into her own in this season. She has had to overcome so much and is a character I felt was developed well and will be a character I look back on fondly.

I also liked that they clarified Lotor’s character within the show. Before this season there were multiple ways that lotor’s character could be interpreted and now they have a definitive version of him. The clarification also accentuated the tragedy of the character. His eventual downfall is tragic because he did deserve better. He fell victim to his upbringing after trying to be better and being punished severely for his efforts. This is a character that while I may not be the biggest fan of the execution of Lotor’s story I liked the idea behind it. I liked how they did redeem Lotor in the eyes of Allura and it was acknowledged how his childhood and upbringing affected him, his choices, and his downfall all without erasing the mistakes he made. It also acknowledges that he wasn’t given a fair shot by anybody and despite his attempts to be better he was always thwarted or shunned at every turn. There is only so much someone can take before they break.

Haggar was a great villain and her arc was somewhat of a Greek tragic hero and was almost Shakespearean. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge led to the destruction of both her old and new homes, the creation of the galaxy’s most infamous tyrant, and her son living through a neglected and abusive life that meets a terrible end. She realizes too late what she missed out on and works to undo her mistakes without care for the destruction she causes because she believes that with the end of her quest everything will be perfect. It’s only once she gets to her desired outcome and her son and husband recognize the monster that she has become that she reaches her lowest point and is able to be convinced by Allura of the error of her ways. That Haggar herself is to blame for how her life turned out not the universe or anyone else. That this outcome isn’t what Lotor would have wanted despite what Haggar kept telling herself and that while she can’t get back what she lost, but she can give back what she took from the universe in her desperate bid. This season wrote its villains really well with Lotor, Haggar, and Zarkon and while I didn’t agree with all the choices made with the characters I do believe the writing was well done and Haggar is the pinnacle of this statement.

I appreciated that all the character’s that lived got their happy endings. Keith has found his purpose and continues to help people. Shiro finally leaves the battle after years of nonstop fighting and suffering and gets to settle down with his husband. Pidge and Hunk both get to follow their dreams and Lance surrounds himself with what he loves and lives a quiet peaceful life. I honestly just wanted to see these characters be happy. They have all been through so much so seeing them get to be happy in the future made me happy.

I was sad that my two favorite Voltron characters, Lotor and Allura, ended up dying. Allura had been through so much loss, suffering, and pain on her quest to bring about peace and grown so much only to finally be able to bring about the peace she strove for and not even be able to see the it. Allura had lost so much and when she finally has a means to restore peace the only way to bring about peace is through sacrificing herself. I know I was upset with the season in the past for the lack of true sacrifice or lasting death, but I’m sad that this was the sacrifice that ended up happening because Allura deserved to see the peace she helped create. We finally got to see Lotor’s past and have his character in hindsight be redeemed, in showing he did truly care about others and Allura but was misguided in his methods, and bring him back from the rift only to have him be dead the entire time. This means he ended up having arguably the worst and most painful ends of anyone on the show. He died after the only real trusting relationship he had was destroyed and believing that no one cared for him while his mental stability eroded and his body was overloaded with quintessence. I would have liked to see him be alive and have him carry on doing the best he could instead of everyone admitting that he wasn’t given a fair shot, that he deserved better, and really did care and wasn’t a monster. The second colony is completely forgotten and is never explained. The second colony honestly just feels like a plot device to trigger the paladins turning on Lotor and Lotor’s subsequent descent into quintessence poisoning instead of an actual thing that happened because the reasoning behind it was never explained so it feels as though it was unnecessary.

I’m sorry to every Allurance shipper, but I didn’t like how it played out within the series. They made Allura uncomfortable with Lance until season 5, had her look upset when she found out he liked her in the same season, made her suddenly romantically interested in Lance at the very end of season 7, and then in season 8 showed hints that Allura still wasn’t completely over Lotor (the most prominent examples are when Lotor emerges from the rift and she panics saying she can’t do this and when Lotor is the vision she sees to convince her to use the rift creature). I honestly think this ship could have played out really well if they hadn’t had Lotura and had Allura a lot less visibly uncomfortable with Lance in earlier seasons. I am happy for whoever shipped Allurance and got to see their ship sail in cannon. Allurance just wasn’t my cup of tea with the way it was written. I personally would have preferred if Lance hadn’t gotten Allura and could have continued with his journey of self discovery and learned who he was without a girl because his character the last few seasons had a lot of him pining for Allura instead of focusing on his growing self-confidence and worth. With him ending up a farmer and probably sad over Allura for the rest of his life. Lance was a character I wish had gotten an arc of episodes to himself that didn’t involve a girl because he was set up as incredibly relatable with problems that everyone faces.

I may have been disappointed with this season, but I still like voltron and hope to see more of it in the future. I can understand the issues people are having with the season and can empathize with the disappointment, but I hope that people don’t attack the creators and cast. They’ve worked for years to bring us this series and they don’t deserve to be harassed. I hope that others can find the enjoyment I found out of the series and I hope there are many great fanfics to read. It was an honor to see this series to completion.

#vld #voltron #Voltron legendary defender #allura #lotor #lance #keith #hunk #pidge #haggar #the villains were written fantastically #season 8 #spoilers #review #my thoughts

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teatimeatwinterpalace · 6 years

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If Alexandra's personality was ill-suited for being the Russian Empress, what personality would have been well-suited?

Was she really? Okay I’m going to play the devil’s advocate.The context and the hazards of life played a key role in shaping Alexandra. You are going to say “like any other” and of course you are right but in Alix’s case to say the odds were against her is an understatement.

I’m not a big fan of what if in history but surely without the illness of Alexei a lot would have been different. Yes Alexandra would still be a very private person and would have sought the same cocooning lifestyle that she actually led. However perhaps her character would have been less neurotic, less worrisome and her health a bit better. I don’t want to go on the psychological path either but to see her son so sick because of “her” it must have been terrible for her emotionally. She became even more withdraw. Yet, I don’t think it’s fair to call her a recluse because she made a hell of a lot of efforts. Such as during the Spala crisis in 1912 where Alexei’s nearly died. I’m sure I already quoted Gilliard in a previous ask but I’m going to quote him again:

“I could see the Tsaritsa in the front row, smiling and talking gaily to her neighbors. When the play was over, I went out by the service door and found myself in the corridor opposite Alexis Nicolaievich’s room from which a moaning sound came distinctly to my ears. Suddenly I noticed the Tsaritsa running up holding her long, awkward train in her two hands. I shrank back against the wall and she passed me without observing my presence. There was a distracted and terror-stricken look on her face. I returned to the dining room. There were all happy. Footmen in livery were handing around refreshments and everyone was laughing and exchanging jokes… A few minutes later the Tsaritsa came back. She had resumed the mask. She smiled pleasantly at the guests who crowded around her. But I noticed that the Tsar, even while engaged in conversation, had taken up a position from which he would watch the door, and I caught the despairing glance which the Tsaritsa threw him as she came in. The scene… suddenly brought home to me the tragedy of a double life.”

She was also present during the visit of Poincarré in Russia in 1914. Maurice Paléologue write how ill at ease she appeared during the never ending official dinner. Yet she was there (and for the rest of the visit) very conscious of her role as consort. I would like to add on that note that public duties were quite different from what we expect today from the royals (they better work hard or it’s the guillotine). All joke aside, the public role was far smaller. If we look into British history Queen Alexandra nor Queen Mary, before WWI, had tremendous public engagements. In that respect they lived the same pattern of the aristocracy.

Now if you look into history what qualities were expected, traditionally, from an Empress?

Noble character ✔️ She was a good person, very devoted to her family and adopted country.

Good moral ✔️Alexandra received the traditional and conservative aristocratic upbringing of her time.

Charming/Sociable ❌✔️Well this was her biggest problem and probably why so many people think she was ill suited for the job. She was awkward in society especially with people from the Court which jeopardize the equilibrum between the sovereign and the nobility. But here is why I think it wouldn’t have been THAT bad if circumstances had been different. Alexandra is always compared to her mother-in-law. It’s true Maria was a wonderful hostess and liked society very much. But the lavish lifestyle of Maria and the Court was coming to an end. So in that regard, Alexandra’s lack of enthusiasm for balls or other court ceremonies might not have been such a huge problem. She could have found her niche if she had played the card of the modest Empress who helped the poorer. However she didn’t like to promote her good deeds to the public. So her poor public image wascaused by circumstances outside her control AND her unwillingness to step into a role that she would have created.

Dignified ✔️ She knew the protocol and the decorum that comes with it. Can we talk about how she went full regalia for the opening of the State Duma in 1906. She literally used the largest tiara she owned which screamed AUTOCRACY. (tbh we could talk for hours about this event which is so interesting & sad *one foot in the future and the other in the past*).

Charitable work✔️ Very devoted in that aspect, financed several hospitals…

Humble ✔️Once she was in Yalta in a shop someone asked her to take her umbrella outside in case it scratchs the floor. She did as she was told without as much as batting an eyelid. She was far from being arrogant however there is this paradoxical and annoying aspect of Alexandra’s personnality: she was humble yet very conscious of her position aannd she bought the whole great Russian myth of the distant Tsar who knew better than anyone.

Wife and mother ✔️ Devoted to her family to the core.

Religious✔️ Deeply religious woman. Perhaps too much with every years that passed but who can blame her when you know how ill Alexei was.

No political inclination ❌ Well you can’t really ask from someone not to have opinions. In Alexandra’s case it miiiiiight had got out of hand at the end of the reign. She wasout of touch with national life. She clunge to the unrealistic vision of Russia. It is very apparent in this letter that she wrote to Nicholas in 1916 : “ Be Peter the Great, Ivan the Terrible, Emperor Paul - crush them all under you. […] I really cannot understand. I am but a woman, but my soul and brain tell me it would be the saving of Russia. […] Remember even M. Philippe said one dare not give constitution, as it would be your Russia’s ruin, and all true Russians say the same.” It is chilling how much out of touched she was.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not giving her excuses. Certain aspects of her personality were quite conservative and traditional. What her aunt Victoria, German empress, wrote about her is pretty spot on: “Alix is very imperious and will always insist on having her own way ; she will never yield one iota of the power she will imagine she wields ; I use the word ’ imagine ’ advisedly, because my niece is given to very exaggerated ideas as to her own cleverness and importance.” What I would like to add is the context that I mentioned earlier. Contrary to Maria who had more than a decade before becoming Empress, Alexandra was only 22 when she married AND became Empress. All eyes were on her, expecting from her to hold her role and lead society.

++ Maria might have had most of high society in her pocket but it didn’t mean she was wiser than Alexandra. For instance she was against Nicholas’ solding crown land to the government, which the later would sold to peasants.

I think with this question of who would have been better, we are looking for some kind of savior. My 21th century self who knows what happened would tell you that Nicholas needed someone more lucid, grounded and perceptive. Someone who could have encouraged him to let go of the nonsense that was autocracy. Not someone who would have encouraged him like Alix did. But is it really realistic to expect this clairvoyance from a young woman who surely would have been brought up with the values of her time ? Not sure. Of course there is always a counterexample, for instance Alix’s aunt, Victoria. She is an anomaly in the landscape of princesses of the 19th century. She was lucky (or unlucky we could talk about it) to have received from her father a liberal education AND she married someone, Friedrich *aka thebestmanwhoeverlived* who shared most of her views. And even with the best will in the world they struggle so much and faced a wall of rejection. Of course Prussia was not Russia. It was just to underline that everyone can rise above its own education Fritz is the perfect exemple of that. But it is so rare and the political context of Russia was such a mess that it is not as if the whole Russian Revolution wouldn’t have happened if Nicholas had married a wisest woman. There is no question ask that Alexandra played a part in the whole debacle of the fall of the Empire but it is a small part.

The crux of the issue wasn’t Alexandra’s personnality. The real issue was the outdated, unfair and backward system of autocracy. Nicholas and Alexandra inherited a time bomb. Yet I don’t believe in fatality and Nicholas had numerous occasion to change things but he didn’t. On top of that you add their personnal tragedies such as Alexei’s illness and you get the tragic events that unfolded.

#i'm SO sorry for my late reply #reply which is a mess #i always go off topic at some point #sorry haha #answer

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sandflakedraws · 6 years

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Hey so I've been considering checking out abot for a while now. But before I do, I wanna know what the draw is for you. What do you like so much about it ?

Strap yourself in, we’re about to go through one longass hell of a ride. Fair warning that this gushy love letter has a good chunk of spoils for canon mp100 and abot alike, so do with that what you will. (though i keep most of the spoils to the earlier chapters so i can leave some firsthand experience left)

ABoT has 5 main (not all) attractions for me, most of which are incredibly personal :1. nuanced, actually mature depiction of abuse2. lack of a ‘perfect savior’3. plotting cause+effect4. scene setting (okay this one is more a taste thing that i happen to really love)5. incredible writing all around

Part 1. Nuanced, actually mature depiction of abuse.

I was an abused and neglected child. As such, it’s very easy to see where some of the appeal of this type of fanfic would come from. Course, I’d encourage a looksie regardless because it’s written with respect to the subject matter, and because fics like these have great potential to expand on human understanding and empathy.

THAT SAID ! In order to talk about the depiction of abuse in abot, I first need to talk about the abuse in mp100 canon.

To be frank, I think phantomrose96 handles it better than mp100. Especially the execution and aftermath of said topic.

For comparison I’m going to use the Mogami arc (an arc i do like, perhaps less than the majority of fandom, tho this’ll likely shed a light on why)

The depiction of abuse between abot and canon have some similarities. In both cases, Mob is uprooted from his foundations of support, and the strain goes on for a lengthy amount of time. Canon!Mob’s experiences are 6 months long, and abot!Mob is 4 years. The differences start hereafter, though.

For starters, with canon!Mob, we learn about his torture mainly through his own POV, with Mogami making commentary. His firsthand experience is bolded and put at the forefront, and functions as the end note of the scenes which feature them. Mob is isolated, ostracized, and bullied. He is beat up at several points. One such instance sees him lose a tooth. His bullies torture a cat to death, smash a brick on his head, and stab him with an exacto knife.The ‘maturity’ of canon!Mob’s abuse comes firstly from the severity and cruelty of it. And secondly, for how it could drive him into using his psychic powers against people willingly. It highlights that one can be as shaped by their surroundings as by their choices.It’s dark, and it’s weighty.

However, the abuse in the arc is used a mechanic, and is glossed over once its primary use is over with. No abuse in this vein crops up after this arc.

The point of it’s presence is to raise the stakes, to showcase “this is fucked up” and then move on when the lesson is learned. We only get 2 peaks that Mob even remembers it. Once is with Mob acting quite fearful when Mogami shows up again, and the other when Mob goes to help a cat off a pole.

Still, the fact remains that it’s never mentioned for the rest of mp100.

And thusly, Mob is presented with no means to process or deal with the trauma other than to, presumably, remain quiet about it. Or otherwise, for the reader to assume that the experience was relegated to subconsciousness. After all, we’re told expressly with Minori that the memory begins to fade as early as a day after.

This stance can be detrimental to those who experience abuse, as it can imply that no help exists for the survivor to seek. That it’s better to simply forget about it, and move on without guidance.

Which, y’know, could work fine if it was ONE’s intention to showcase that some people don’t deal with trauma outright, keeping it hidden.

But there is a difference between “purposefully writing someone to seem unaffected when they really are” and “purposefully writing a macguffin to clear the way of an old arc to make room for a new one"

I love ONE’s writing, I do, but it seems very clear to me that he was giving himself an out for having to write long reaching consequences of such a brutal arc going forward. Folks can get from the arc what they want, and that’s hella valid. I mean, shit, my trauma was never front and center either when I was Mob’s age.

However, there’s a clear delineation between coincidence and intentionality.

By having the abuse all happen in a dreamlike world, he gives himself an out. The characters are more or less able to skirt around the issue, or otherwise forget about it.ONE thereby dodges having to write further complications to the story he wants to tell.

Enter A Breach of Trust.

In Abot, the aftermath of being abused is a part of Mob’s day to day life, like actual trauma do. And here, the process of dealing and coping with said abuse is the main function of it’s appearance in the fanfic.

The four years Mob spends on his own are broadly covered in a punchy ~1k words at the beginning of chapter 4 (the fic is 133k words long, for comparison). They are to let you know the nature of Mob’s problems, without lingering unnecessarily on them, exploiting them, or making them voyeuristic. And in fact, Mob gets out of the Mogami house in chapter 8 (again, in a fic 24 chaps long).

The rest of the chapters where Mob makes an appearance are about addressing what he went through, and trying to help him.

As opposed to mp100 canon, we learn a lot of information as to the nature of what mob experienced through Reigen. He often has sad or horrified responses, as one could expect to have in his shoes. But his response is not the end note of the scenes which feature them. Instead, it’s the actions he and Mob take, in equal turns, to bring about change which gets the end note.

I’ll use the milk scene in chapter 11 as an example.

Reigen learns a piece of information about Mob’s life, namely that he was denied milk:

“You have milk?”

“Uh…yeah. Not even expired. I bought it like two days ago.”

“But Shishou said…” Mob swallowed the words. His breathing picked up, eyes flickering across the single carton of milk in Reigen’s fridge. Slowly, his voice almost choked, Mob answered, “Yes, yes please…”

Reigen’s response:

He couldn’t fathom what sort of world the kid had just escaped, but he knew now he didn’t want to. And he didn’t want to make Mob relive it, not if it was something so horrific that a single glass of warm milk could move him to tears.

The end note of the scene (literally the last line):

“Here,” Reigen said, sliding his mug across the oaken table. “Have mine too…”

Abot, unlike a good chunk of media, seeks not to use traumatic experiences as a throwaway mechanic for a separate, main focus. Or as a stand in for faux character depth or grittiness. I’m lookin at you Kaneki Ken. Or worse, as an inevitable reality. No.

The actual maturity of abot!Mob’s abuse, which I’ve been hootin about with the title card, comes from its application to Mob.

It will not be brushed off as a bad dream. It will not be relegated to subconscious, or forgotten. It is not a ‘shortcut to coolness’, or a ‘dark history’ to earn abot!mob some tragic backstory cred. Nor will it be “solved” with a single long talk, or hug, or even to just put Mob back in his house.

Abot seeks to offer a more layered, real world approach to it. That trauma, fictional or not, does not make you cooler. That it takes several, seemingly small steps to start on the path of recovery. And that there is no reaching your “before” status, but just changing the shape of your “after”.

For that matter! Mob also has agency of his own. It is not Reigen that springs Mob from the Mogami house, but rather Mob himself, taking matters into his own hands.

There was no plan to it. Mob moved. He raced to the door and the inky world beyond. His feet collided with cold stone. Stone became grass, which sheared away before each footfall, leaving wet pulp and mud beneath his beating steps. The vastness of the open sky and the world stretching off in all directions, even after four years, could not overwhelm him more than the image of his dead Shishou scorched behind his eyelids.

Mob will fight on matters he considers important, calling the cops, for example.

Mob’s jaw moved, his wide eyes steeled over, harder now, resolve tight in his face. He looked up to Reigen. “I…wouldn’t like that, Mr. Reigen.”

He’ll voice his own opinion, draw his own conclusions, set his own goals.

His hands twisted in his lap, eyes dropping to them for a moment before they flickered up with new, burning resolve. “…If you could teach me…”

“Teach you?”

Mob nodded vigorously. “How you’re getting rid of it.”

And Mob is not relegated to cowering at all times either. He’ll enjoy things he likes, build himself up, amongst other things.

The rain drenched him. Through the blues and pinks, water could pass. Water wasn’t living, so it wasn’t stopped, it wasn’t shredded. But it felt alive enough to Mob. It felt like something that wanted to reach him, and could.

Mob shut his eyes and smiled. Even if he couldn’t suppress the barrier now, that wasn’t reason enough to give up, not this time around. This time was different.

Rest assured that this journey is as much an active choice on Mob’s part, as it is Reigen’s. Reigen is simply a guide for Mob. And he’s meandering through his guidance half the time, which brings me to part deux.

Part 2. Lack of a perfect savior

I will be the first to admit that Reigen is hilariously flawed. Abot!Reigen likewise. And yes! This is another reason why I like Abot ^^

Preface in place before I talk about this, I am. a tough ass customer. We just had a whole previous section of analysis to illustrate that (which confession time, i cut that down by half), but to go more in depth - It is extremely easy to take me out of a story. And this is because, ironically, I love storytelling.

For better or worse, when I’m consuming media, I cannot turn off the storytelling part of my brain. Ergo, if I see something that can be improved, I’m launched back into a 4th person perspective, no longer engaging directly with the content. Sometimes it’s minor enough where I don’t mind any. But unfortunately, more often than not, it’s enough to get me to drop things when too many instances pile up.

And as one of those Hoity Toity Connoisseurs of the hurt/comfort genre, the human version of the Messianic Archetype™ is both a common occurrence, and a surefire way to get me to drop your story upon first sight.

I cannot engage with media that have regular ass people know exactly how to react, what to say, what to read into, on the first try, when the nature of human existence so chaotic and varied.

Maybe that kid is hiding under the table because you’re wearing fuchsia, maybe it’s because your voice sounds like someone they had a nightmare about, maybe its because the lights hurt their eyes, maybe it’s because they feel safer in cramped spaces, maybe they’re eating ants. You don’t know. They don’t know. Getting things wrong is as much a part of the process as getting things right.

SO!!! ONCE MORE WITH FEELING!!! ABOT!!!

Phantomrose makes it clear, as early as Reigen & Mob’s first meeting, that we’re dealing with a regular ass human fuckup, even in the midst of the rose filter from Mob’s POV.

In the scene, Reigen is presented as being undoubtedly ignorant as to the true nature of what the hell is going on. He, mistakenly, does not believe that the barrier is real. All he knows that is Mob has come from some Yikes and needs help. Oh, and in Reigen’s limited knowledge, he thinks there’s a confirmed Dead Man off somewhere too.

And yet, despite the pressing circumstances, or y’know, having a presumed corpse he should probably mention to somebody, Reigen does not call the cops.

“Okay. Okay… Do you—just—do you want to come to my house? Just for tonight. It’s…late. Don’t feel like dealing with any more police officers tonight anyway. Maybe we just…go sleep. Get you some clothes or, a shower probably. It’s…I’m tired. You’ve got to be tired too.”

We get an explanation for this later on, in chapter 14…

What if he ran off again, back to his dead Shishou’s basement…?

…but. Were the audience not clued into Mob’s circumstances, one would argue that though well intentioned, Reigen’s messing up. And despite the many things Reigen does to help Mob (which he does, he really does) this motif continues throughout the fic.

With Reigen sometimes saying insensitive things to Mob.

“No, I’m…” Mob paused. He hiccupped, voice still hitching, body still trembling. “I’m sorry Shishou is dead. I did something to make him kill himself. I know it.”

“Good, Mob. Good…”

Mob stared up, jaw slack, baffled.

With Reigen often acting as much as his own interest as in Mob’s.

“Toast, Mob, it’s going to be toast. And eggs. And yes. This is breakfast for both of us, and you’re going to help.” Reigen looked the boy over, and the feeling in his chest was almost manic. He was looking at something maybe he could fix.

Where Reigen will make logical assumptions, but false ones nonetheless.

“I’m going to grab just a handful of things from those aisles, okay? Not going far. I just want you to stay here, with the paper, and pick up our order when it’s ready. Okay? It’s another exercise. I’m still here. I’m still suppressing the barrier. I just think you’re strong enough to stand here for a moment by yourself. Can you do that?”

–carved things up, sliced them, killed them…

Mob’s mind filled with static.

He nodded. It was the only thing he could think to do.

Reigen smiled, and stood up from his crouched position. He turned on his heel, toward the left side of the store. He rounded the edge of the counter, and suddenly he was gone.

And yes ! As a survivor, this shit is important to me.

These scenes showcase that comfort does not have to be found gift wrapped, pure and untainted, and delivered by an angel spluttering down from the shiniest parts of heaven. No. It can be found in people who are flawed and sometimes selfish and who are just trying. It can be found in folks like abot!Reigen.

In folks who weren’t predestined by some holy undertaking, but rather who are just making the best of the circumstances they find themselves thrust into.

SPEAKING OF WHICH,

Part 3. Plotting cause + effect

I’ll be honest and say this is something I learned very recently from Phanrose.

From my creative perspective, as long as an action is in character for someone, I can find a way to make it happen. A good showcase for this is, ironically enough, Attic Au, and it’s many incarnations. I can adapt to circumstances to cause what I want to happen.

This is, again, a tie-in to the way I rationalize the chaotic nature of human existence. Sometimes shit can just do, and as long as you pull hard enough emotionally, you can get people on board. So I spend a lot of time on the “why”, with my “hows” remaining fairly lose and interchangeable.

Abot takes this in the opposite direction. She says ‘okay but what if I use the chaotic nature of human existence to cause everything to bump into eachother’.

And honestly I’m kinda tripping over it ?? Like it’s extremely fun ? Connecting all these dots? And it doesn’t feel convenient either. It feels like a logical progression.

To use early examples, as I have been for the most part:

Jun hires Reigen to investigate her husband Tetsuo disappearing at weird hours.

“That’s really all I want from this.” She looked up now, palms in her lap, eyes set to Reigen. “I want you to just figure out what’s going on because I can’t.”

Reigen then discovers that Tetsuo is being possessed.

A thousand memories assaulted him at once, tainted with the raw smell of incense, the grittiness of salt between his fingers and under his nails, dimmed lights and candles and incantations and that dread in the air, like pressure, that he felt whenever a Spirits and Such case turned out to be real.

Reigen decides to confront Mogami 2 different times. The first time he learns his identity, and the second time Reigen gets too close to hitting on Mob’s presence for Mogami’s comfort.

“Why did you buy cough syrup today?” Reigen blurted out. “You miss that taste too? Tetsuo doesn’t have a cold. It’s not for him. You got other puppets I don’t know about?!”

Mogami threatens to kill Tetsuo and take Reigen, so Reigen makes a bargain (with newly cut up hand to make his 1 sigil out of 1000 work).

Reigen thrust his hands down and out, body displayed unprotected. Sweat slid down his face, soaked through his suit, mixed with the blood in his palm. “Come possess me! Space for rent right here, y-yeah? Yeah! Not gonna resist. Not gonna fight. All I’m gonna do is slam you with these tags if you get too close!”

The tag works, banishing Mogami. Mob notices the lack of Mogami’s presence, and goes looking for him.

Even when Mogami left the house, his aura only ever grew fainter, steadily diffused as Mogami established distance between himself and the house. It was an easy blip to detect at all times. It was a constant thrumming presence in Mob’s life for the last four years.

And it had vanished in an explosion that left Mob’s psychic core ringing.

“…Shishou?” Mob called through the door.

Upon finding Mogami’s corpse in the attic, Mob makes for the streets, thinking Mogami has freshly killed himself and that he can no longer stay there.

Mob shot down the hall, took the stairs two at a time with his hand skimming the banister. His mind wasn’t clearing. His thoughts weren’t forming. The reality of what he’d seen beat in heavier against him with each passing second. Mob let out another keening crying, finding no response in the black house.

Another brush of wind, Mob turned toward the foyer. He’d been right—the front door had been left open.

This makes for a wonderful storytelling device. Firstly, it makes the audience both wary and excited for the consequences of any actions in the future. If any action can seemingly build off one another, what’s to say a throwaway moment wont come back to haunt us?

Plus! Aside from making scenes engaging, it also subverts some tropes while it’s at it.

Reigen, despite literally being a PI, does not find Mob on a missing person’s case. And does not discover Mob either of the times he followed Tetsuo into the Mogami house. Instead he only finds Mob by the boy crashing into him. Which only happens again because of a set up in chapter 3.

This carries on and spills over into Ritsu’s plotline too! Which nbnmbxn, I haven’t touched on as much in order to leave a good chunk of story there to peruse as you will.

I’ve learned a lot just from watching pr96 chisel out a story. And you wanna know what else I’ve learned?

Part 4. Scene setting

OKAY I FESS UP THIS IS JUST ME HAVING A THING FOR SETTINGS BEING INCORPORATED INTO THE ATMOSPHERE OF THE SCENE OKAY, OKAY.

With that out of the way, she’s damn good at it yall.

Phantomrose96 likes to employ what I call mood scenery. Where the physical objects present in a setting take a backseat to how the characters feel about it, and therefore flesh it out all the better.

Compare how Reigen sees his apartment:

Reigen cringed a bit as he looked about, taking in, remembering the mess decorating the living room. The ashtray on the table overflowed with cigarette butts, staining the wood around it with sooty acrid residue. Three empty plates were pushed to the table’s edge, scraped of food and left to stagnate for…how many days, Reigen wasn’t sure. Empty beer cans gathered in a herd near them, a few on the floor, leaving sticky coagulated rings around their rim and smelling of staleness, of stagnant fermentation.

With how Mob sees it:

Mob’s apprehension eased off. The look was replaced entirely with something like confusion. He pulled out of his blanket cocoon, let his eyes rove over the apartment in full inspection. The confusion never left his face.

“It’s so much cleaner than Shishou’s house.”

Scenes like this are peppered and expertly handled throughout the entirety of abot.

As a comic illustrator, I often struggle with coming up with backgrounds that tell you a bit about the circumstances of the people who live there, and about the mood of someone viewing it. But Phananarosa does it.

And, like. every setting is like this. Instead of getting fatigue at scene changes, I eagerly dive in because what’s not to love !!! It captures just enough details that it can be fleshed out, without boring the audience with a surplus of inconsequential details.

Teruki walked past the rows of lockers. Further back were bathroom stalls. Three sinks lined up beneath a wall-length mirror. This area existed as its own pocket, seemingly separate from the rest of the lockers, and the light only scarcely touched it. The shadows grew heavy along a gradient, the farthest sink half shrouded in darkness. Even farther back, crowned by a single burnt-out hanging light, was a row of four showerheads, no curtains separating one from the next.

It is no coincidence that some of the backgrounds I consider to be some of my better ones, are ones I made for abot.

It’s very apparent that Phanro9 knows what she’s doing with the words she chooses to dress these with. And, you guessed it, TIME TO SEGUE INTO

Part 5. Incredible writing all around

Okay now I can just gush about some the extra little details that GhostFlower96 uses that just make her tale that much more fun to read.

Amazing dialogue. Especially in Reigen’s case.

“Gottaswirl the eggs to seal in the moisture. Gotta just…put extra butteron the toast, I guess, so you don’t taste the black part cuz that’sprobably bitter, so you—never mind I’ll make different toast thatisn’t burned, gimme your plate.”

You ever tire of reading fics where the characters sound the same ? Spectreblossom has got you covered!

He thrust a hand out, palm open to Ritsu. “My name is Teruki Hanazawa. I’m the esper who’s better than you.”

Ritsu stared at the offered hand. He fought the instinct to step back. “The spirits didn’t say anyone owned them.” He paused, and weighed his options. “And who says you’re stronger than I am?”

Say you wanna feel ur heartstrings tugged because god oh god he’s a mess but he’s still good for something. we got a fresh supply

Beside them, the rice pot boiled over, glutinous water dripping down the black pot’s side and charring against the newly cleaned grating. The sauce bowl sat stagnant and undissolved, a colloid of new and stale ingredients perhaps unsalvageable for the recipe. Broken spoons, filthy sponges, open containers of starch and sugar and soy sauce littered the counter tops, the smell of something burning lingering overtop.

And at the center of the mess, Mob sliced the knife clean through the red bell pepper.

You wanna be haunted by singular closing lines? Already on it.

Thebarrier swept back around Mob, like the curtain drawn at the close ofa play.

Kids ? Being written like kids ? In phantomroseyboboeybananafanafofoseyfiphimomoseyphantomrosey’s fanfic? It’s more likely than you think!

“After this, can we go back to the park?” Mob asked. He wobbled, tilting his head over his shoulder to ask Mogami directly.

“We go to the park every day.” Mogami answered. He walked the sidewalk, thin silver hair catching sunlight and twists of icy wind. The hollow pockets beneath his eyes were deep, but not unkind, intently watchful of Mob who dipped and wavered with each balance-beam step.

“Yeah, because I like it.”

You want some de-glorification of teenage violence? Boy have I just the thing.

He felt 9 again, scared, weak, unsafe, and he cried quietly while he watched the consciousness leave Teruki’s body.

Limp and loose, Teruki’s hands dropped from the tie around his neck.

You like metaflours and symbopolism ? WE GOT THAT TOO

Reigen looked over his shoulder. Mob shut the door behind them, turning to investigate the apartment with wide captive eyes. “…It’s warm,” he muttered, and stepped in line behind Reigen.

You wanna feel like you got punched in your chest ? Even on things you knew already ? Even things you had every tool in your belt to see coming?

Reigen stopped. He lost track of his own words as his focus fell entirely on the sight in front of him. The kid was standing halfway between the bathroom and the living room, his hair still a bit wet, and his borrowed clothes soft and loose. He stood a head shorter than Reigen, and his wide eyes stared back, lost, waiting for instruction. Waiting as though he needed permission to even get his sheets and go to bed.God, it really was just a kid…

fuck ing , d we . g o t tHat t o o goddammit

If you wanna read, you can start here ! Or here, on tumblr.

#anon #joey babbles #abot #long post #long long post #cw: blood #for canon mob #mp100 spoilers #abot spoilers #?#well i'll tag it anyways

709 notes · View notes

ryouverua · 6 years

Text

The Despairingly Hopeful Flashback Light

“It’s been days since I’ve had a chance to insult people so do me a favour and line up in a row so I can have a go at each of you in turn.”

“Just.... enough energy... to pick that low-hanging fruit...”

Have you even slept at all since this all began?!

She... she’s fully ready to do this? I know it’s not participating in the killing game, but this still not how I want you to use your talent! Not at all!

Just before I go onto the good stuff, I wanted to bring it back over to Himiko’s fluff text because it’s so bittersweet to have her thinking about Tenko in this situation.

It’s hard to say though, Himiko - I think she would have difficulty accepting the situation in general and would try and encourage you to at least enjoy the time you have left. Would she be mad at you though? Mad, no. Sad, absolutely.

That is... exceedingly odd. We’ve only ever found them before by searching - but then again, who would be searching for anything now?

Maybe, but didn’t he say he wasn’t going to interfere with us anymore? I suppose that could be a lie too, but I can’t imagine why he would do anything like this now.

Closure is better than nothing I suppose. Though I’d argue that was... sorta, kinda what Kokichi gave us, in a way?

That’s the, uh, attitude? 8′D

“They don’t call me the Ultimate Assassin for nothing, kid.”

omae wa mo shindeiru

Alright then... well, let’s see it. She’s right, honestly. What’s the worst that could happen at this point? They’re days away from committing mass suicide!

FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT! FLASHBACK LIGHT!

Is it the colours? Are the colours why I love this animated sequence so much?

Wait, Hope’s Peak Academy?

WAIT A SECOND ALL THOSE WORDS LOOK SUPER FAMILIAR

So it officially is now??? I always thought it might be in a small way (I mean, come on, Monokuma is there), but literally everything???

Hope’s Peak Academy, you absolute bastard.

Man, we’re really just going over everything, aren’t we?

~The Biggest, Most Awful, Most Tragic Event in Human History~, which was then renamed to being the second most awful because METEORS RAINED FROM THE SKY AND WIPED OUT EVERYTHING -

Here’s Junko -

The Ultimate Catalyst. >>

Aaaw crap though, if she’s being brought up now... they can’t possibly bring her back for a third time, right? Right???

Now the 78th class’s killing game, most significant to history because that was what led to Junko’s death, I imagine -

We really are getting the Cole’s notes version of events, aren’t we!

I guess they can’t outright talk about Danganronpa 2 here, huh? Fair enough, honestly! Might as well give people a chance to play it without spoiling it too badly!

You gonna expand on that champ? ...... No? Uh, okay?

NO SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CAME TO A SUDDEN END THAT ANIME WAS CALLED ‘END OF HOPE’S PEAK’ NOT ‘END OF THE HOPE VS DESPAIR WAR’

Wait are you seriously telling me the cult is the Remnants? I... I don’t know if I’m super happy about that, but okay... I guess it makes sense for them to try and latch onto something like this when their side has lost so much ground. Does that mean there were still a bunch of them lingering, left over from when their fight came to a so-called abrupt end?

Wait, Makoto did this? Would he be in his 40s or 50s then? I was hoping this would take a good deal after the other events, so I guess that’s one way to do it!

though with that said you didn’t have to literally chuck meteors at the prequels and burn them to the ground that is some serious overkill

hope hope hope hope hope hope hope

.......

Oh right, before I forget -

hope.

Please don’t sound so happy about that Shuichi, I thought it was actually nice for you guys to be from different schools. 8′/ Though I guess the whole reason were were considered ‘Ultimates’ was because you were selected as a representative of your specialty to attend Hope’s Peak, but still.

Applied? Weren’t they scouted? I guess Makoto changed the rules or something? 8′D

????? Am I just completely remembering things wrong because I swear it was a scouting process and not an application process...

Oh, that I like at least! Wait, does that mean there were 16 classes going on at the same time for a single year of students??? The logistics must have been a nightmare.

because Makoto’s normal meter has been completely, utterly destroyed by his own old class

.....

LMAO

THAT

THAT WORKS TOO

.........................

eyes Kaito

......... Are you, now? Exactly... what are the symptoms of the virus, exactly?

Oh hey, it’s a new ‘New World Order’! Long time no see!

I MEAN... LIKE.... THIS ANSWERS SOME QUESTIONS.... BUT RAISES MORE....

I know I said I thought we were missing information that would help gel some things together, and this would explain why Monokuma is overseeing this game again, but I still feel like there’s more. I mean, also because even now we’re still in Chapter 5, but that’s beside the point.

Damn it the ‘h’ word is out of the bag and it’s like the game is trying to make up for lost time. 8′D

Weirdly enough, having the cult be the Remnants of Despair makes me more suspicious of Kokichi’s claims of being the mastermind? Is that just me?

FML HOW DARE YOU BE SO CUTE AT A CRUCIAL MOMENT LIKE THIS damn you’re so small

So timeline-wise are we far enough away from Junko’s life and death for her to have become both a historical figure as well as a symbol? Do I have that right?

Mm, I mean, if we hadn’t had that whole ‘sister’ reveal I could see ‘let me witness the beauty of humanity in the most extreme of circumstances’ Korekiyo Shinguuji being a good, if slightly obvious, choice just off the top of my head, and without any relation to the Remnants. 8′D

That I can actually agree with! There’s way too much of a coincidence between how things are being held for it not to be related to them, at the very least.

HEY EXCUSE YOU WE HAD A PERFECTLY GOOD ‘TRUTH VS LIES’ THEME GOING ON DON’T GO SHOVING THIS HOPE-SHAPED PEG IN WHERE IT DOESN’T BELONG

Literally my biggest question!!!

That.... That just seems like such a handwave answer! I know one of Junko’s things was how bored she got, and sure, Kokichi talked about how boring a lot of things could be, but the game was literally how Junko got her kicks! She was quite happy to see it until the end, and I’m pretty sure if Kokichi was following her script he would do the same!

Eeeeh? But like... Junko’s plan was ruined by Naegi, Kirigiri et al., right? She didn’t just throw it all away the way Kokichi has. Doesn’t that seem weird to any of you guys at all??

T... The number of times the word ‘hope’ has been said in the last twenty + minutes is leaving me dizzy.

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME HOPE WITH THAT HOPE??? AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO UPSIZE THAT HOPE? IT’LL COME WITH AN EXTRA SIDE OF HOPE!!!”

Normally I’d love to hear more about your inner voice but right now I’d love for you to put it on mute. 8′/

I love you two but I am debating the pros and cons of pushing you both down the stairs leading to Kaito’s lab r/n

say hope or despair one more time

Aaaaw Himiko! My tiny shining light in this sea of hope and despair talk!

I am glad she was revitalized though - it was pretty scary watching her talk about having Maki kill her!

NO SHUICHI NOT YOU TOO

K1-B0 HOW TF DID YOU MANAGE TO GET THEM BOTH IN ONE SENTENCE LIKE THAT!

Sweetcheeks I am judging you inner monologue right now? Do you hear me?! I am judging you right now!!!!

If he’s the mastermind, it was probably a reward for getting so far, right? “Here’s everything else you need to know about the world that I didn’t get a chance to tell you.”

But if he’s not the mastermind aka lying about it, it seems like this is a way to disrupt his new power? Would he have really done this? Would he be able to access the flashback lights as the new king of the school, if he isn’t the mastermind? I mean, it’s not out of the realm of possibility - he’s got control of the exisals, and that shouldn’t be possible if he isn’t controlling everything - but if he also has the ability to give out flashback lights, why would he do it now? Is this is attempt to make them more interesting again?

Hypothetically, yes... though that conclusion does seem to be based on Kokichi = Mastermind. I guess to say everything I blabbed earlier more concisely, does Flashback Light Access = Mastermind, or does Flashback Light Access = Control of the School?

you wizarding nerd he’s not going to pop up if he hears you say his name

Or... would he? If he’s the mastermind, he should have access to whatever method of surveillance being used this game. This seems like a good time to pop up now in that case - gotta quash the rebellion before it starts - but he hasn’t yet.

Yes!!! Rally around Kaito’s safety!!!

SAIMOTA HAS BEEN REVIVED, BABY!!!

He did say he wanted the remote for the hangar and that he would be keeping Kaito there! So Kokichi periodically leaves to get food and supplies? I guess with an exisal, there isn’t much any of the students can do to stop him. 8′D

TSUMUGI IS THIS REALLY THE TIME

“Look guys, if I see a ship, I call it.”

also I’m a bloody hypocrite re: my saimota comment earlier

“SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY AM I SUCH A TYPICAL TSUNDERE TSUMUGI I’LL KILL YOU -”

TSUN

OOOOKAY that’s uh tmi, anyway thank you for your contribution!!!

?!?! :O Oh shit, when in the world did you get that? Did Miu have extras in her lab?

Oooooooh oooooh how clever of you!!! Damn girl, you’re good!

A;LKDSJF HIMIKO

AND NOT THE KLEPTOMANIA PART?!?!

Alright - so despite Kaito not being there, they’re able to hammer out a pretty good battle plan. Sorry Kaito, looks like you’ve been relegated to the ‘damsel in distress’ position! That’s... sorta close to being a hero? Related? Or something? anyway if you don’t think Kaito being a damsel in distress makes me incredibly happy you don’t know me at all

So they’ll be charging the exisal hangar tomorrow (gotta charge those hammers!) with an electrobomb to disable Kokichi’s access to the exisals and hammers to disable the shutter lock and as a back-up. It’s a good plan, all things considered!

.... But..... why do I have a terrible feeling that someone is going to be dead when they get there? For that matter, I don’t know why I’m saying it in such vague terms - I’ll be shocked if someone isn’t dead either by the time they reach the hangar, or while they’re in there. I posited the idea that Maki’s lab could be an alternative spot, or even Shuichi’s lab, but with both Kaito and Kokichi in there I don’t think there’s any doubt left. I also feel like the ‘potential victim’ list has been cut to the two of them too.... D:

MAKI THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT WE DON’T WANT ANY MORE DEAD BODIES

Is this not just so incredibly reminiscent of what happened with Kaede? It’s incredibly tempting, I understand that, but we can’t make the same mistake twice! I also feel like this will be another case of 'wrong target’ but that’s a separate issue

Well said, K1-b0!

FINALLY a chance to use the nerdmugi tag again! It’s been so long! I’ll let that use of the word ‘despair’ slide this time, but only because of that.

C-CAN WE NOT NEUTRALIZE HIM

RYOMA’S CHAINS OR TENNIS NET CORD

KOREKIYO’S CAGE

GONTA’S INSECT NET

MIU’S GENERAL BONDAGE DUNGEON THAT I’M 99% SURE EXISTS UNDER HER LAB

THERE MUST BE SOME OPTIONS

Despite being embarrassed about being rescued by the others, I bet Kaito would be so proud to know that Maki reached out to the others like this and is working together with them to rescue him! She’s spent so much time caught up in her own emotional walls she created around her heart, you know? And now, finally, she’s letting some people in!

Okay now Maki this may not be integral to the plan or anything but I do insist that if the impossible happens and nothing goes wrong, you carry Kaito outside of the hangar bridal-style. Okay? Okay.

It’s wishful thinking, all things considered... but we can hope.

but first, time to get a certain robot’s underwear.

#Ryou plays drv3 #Maki Harukawa #Shuichi Saihara #Kokichi Ouma #Kaito Momota #Kokichi Oma #nerdmugi moment #Keebo #K1-b0 #Tsumugi Shirogane #drv3 spoilers #spoilers #Himiko Yumeno #Kiibo #honestly this post ended up so much longer than I thought 8'D #I tried to cram way too much in whoops #ah well #long post

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