#to anymore. i feel so fucking isolated and like i’m not being heard no matter how fucking loud i yell.

[flippedorbit]

i think dropping out is in my best interest at this point

[cuverale]

I saw your marauder’s social media and I just loved it so much! Do you think you could write a story of how regulus relationship with y/n started, following the story of the social media thingy?

a/n: hi! i’m glad you liked it. sorry for the grammar mistakes!

Sunshine and Starlight

“C’mon Regulus. You promised.”

“No I didn’t. I’m not coming Evan. Don’t waste your energy.”

“You did mate. It doesn’t matter that you were drunk, you promised.”

Damn it.

Regulus thought. He was not in the mood for going the party his two idiot “friends” were going to. But as the two continued to ask him, he sighed and stood up. He had no choice.

“Ok shut up you two. I’ll come,” he started to walk away from them. Couldn’t stand their presence anymore.

He was about to go to his dorm when he heard his brother and his idiot friends -except Remus, he was tolerable- laughing loudly.

“You should see her face when i told her that she looks hot today.”

“Pads, i get it you want to make y/n blush out of nowhere but you seriously need to stop. I’m afraid one day she would kick your ass for it.”

Y/n.

Her name was enough to get his attention. He raised his eyebrows slightly. He was sick of his brother flirting with her every single day but he can’t say a fucking word about it. What can he say? Hey Sirius, I liked y/n since second year so can you please stay the fuck away from her?

He felt like a coward for not being brave enough. But he had no idea what love is. He never loved someone the way he loved y/n. Even realizing was too hard and long for him. How can he confess his feelings to her? He can’t. Not when she got all the boys -including sirius’- attention. Not when he was not even sure if she liked him back. Only thing he can do is watching her from far away, from shadows.

He met her at library. She was studying for the coming exams. Merlin, she looked so beautiful while she was trying to understand what she was reading, biting her lip.

She was getting tired. She was studying for 3 hours and still can’t understand a single thing. She sighed and looked up. That’s when she saw him.

Regulus Black.

He was staring at her, trying not to laugh at her. But of course she could see it.

“Hey! What’s so funny?”

“You.”

Her eyes widened slightly.

“You were reading the same page for at least one hour.”

“And you were watching me?”

He froze. Was he watching her? No. Yes. No.

“I wasn’t.”

“And I was born yesterday.”

He didn’t respond. He was still trying to accept the fact that he was watching her.

“Well, if you have free time why don’t you help me with this damn thing?”

He smirked.

“And why should I do that?”

“Because you probably wouldn’t want me to tell everyone that you were watching me like a pervert.”

“I told you I wasn’t.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“Ugh, damn it. Ok I’ll help you.”

He smiled at the memory. She was always stubborn. But he loved it. He adored everything about her. But it didn’t take long for him to froze after what he heard.

“I think I’m gonna ask her out.”

“When?”

“Don’t know. Probably after the party.”

“Well, good luck mate.”

No. This can’t be happening.

***

The party was boring for him. He was not happy at all. His mind was still on Sirius’ words. Would he really do that? Probably yes. Unlike Regulus, Sirius never had any problems when it came to talking about his feelings.

What if she likes him back?

What if they stared dating?

The answer was obvious. He’d be devastated.

He was lost in his thoughts when he saw her. Merlin, she was gorgeous. The dress she wore was perfectly suited her. Well, she looked gorgeous in everything she wore but damn. He was falling again.

“Well, what are you going to do?” Pandora asked him.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Regulus, how do you think you can win her if you sit her and do nothing.”

“I know I’m not gonna “win” her,” he simply said.

“Reg, c’mon don’t be like that. I know that you want her. But you have to do something before it’s too late.”

He didn’t respond.

“Regulus, all in your life, you isolated yourself from people. You thought that you can’t care about anyone, you can’t have feelings. But look, I’m here, you have me, Evan and Barty as your friends. You do care for us. We know you do. You don’t have to tell us. We just know. But y/n doesn’t. And you HAVE to tell her if you want her to know. I see the look on your face when you talk about her. You deserve happiness. And she can give you that. Stop doing this to yourself. Just tell her how you feel. I’m sure she likes you back. Don’t say she doesn’t I know she does. Either you tell her or I will.”

After his conversation with Pandora, he made his decision. He will confess to her. But he had to be quick before his brother ask her out.

He was making his way to her when he saw his brother approaching her. A smirk on his face while his arm wrapped around her waist. He was whispering something to her and she was giggling.

He never hated his brother like he did right now.

It was always him. He always gets what he wants. Regulus was always the second one. Second child. Less interesting brother. Sirius has a great success at taking what Regulus wants.

Now he was gonna take Y/n from him.

***

The shouting sounds were annoying him. Slytherin just won the quidditch match because Regulus caught the snitch. He was supposed to be happy but he wasn’t. His teammates starts to cheer for him. But he didn’t care.

That’s when he saw her.

Running to his direction with a big smile on her face. Before he can understand what was happening he felt her arms around his neck.

She was hugging him tightly.

He stays still for a second before he hugs her back. There isn’t any word that can explain the feelings he feels at that moment. He takes a deep breath. His head buried in her hair. He wasn’t hearing any sounds that coming from her teammates anymore. All he could think was her and how she was hugging him tightly.

“Congratulations Reg! You were amazing!”

She steps back. Looking up at him with wide sparkling eyes. Now he feels like he won.

“Thank you,” he smiles. She looks at him for a long time, with an expression he can’t really understand.

He was about to say something when he felt her lips on his. His eyes widened at the feeling. She was kissing him. She. Was. Kissing. Him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and kisses her back eagerly. Am I dreaming right now? He thinks. This is too good to be true.

She stepped back and he sighed sadly. He can’t get enough of her lips. But then it hits to him.

“But what about Sirius?”

“What about him?”

“Aren’t you dating?”

“What?” She scoffed. “No. Who told you that?”

“No one. I just… I heard him.”

“What did you hear?”

“He was talking to James. He said he was gonna ask you out. And at the party you two were pretty close.”

She smirked. “Damn Siri. Did he really do that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Well him and I had a bet on you.”

“What?”

“He told me you liked me. I didn’t believe it first but he said he was gonna prove it. And now I see it worked.”

He stood there, trying to understand the whole situation. Damn you Sirius.

“So you’re not dating him.”

“Reg, I just kissed you.”

“Yeah I know,” he looks at her like he’s drunk.

She giggled. “Oh come here you,” she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him again.

He kissed her back. He can deal with Sirius later. Right now the only thing he wants is keep kissing her. Finally, finally he has his sunshine all to himself.

Finally, someone choosed him.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Looking for: not sure maybe just venting, a response if you want.

Idk if there’s tw

I want to know if anybody else has been through similar? I’ve been revictimized a lot in my life I choice to stop socializing and going to events just isolating now because I don’t wanna be abused again…

I had two abusive exes. And after the second one which was pretty bad too, I chose not to date again.

I’ve had some toxic friends but nothing too bad but they do talk a lot of shit about me and spread rumors.

Ive dealt with abusive parents which is probably what set me up for failure in other relationships.

Ive dealt with being bullied by friend groups and by classmates. A lot of people stayed away from me because they heard rumors and some people asked me weird questions like Ik they heard rumors about me.

I feel like it is never ending. And I’m just destined to be abused no matter who I meet it’ll always happen. I always feel like this’ll follow me from lifetime to lifetime and god is punishing me.

I honestly feel like I’m not traumatized or it should’ve been worse for me to complain. Idk if I have any disorders I’m not diagnosed and I can’t find a doctor because I don’t have money. I’m just depressed ig. Kind of numb most days.

It almost feels like im playing victim card or something but Ik what I’ve been through. Like it feels like everyone hates me and they must be right about me. I mean Ik everyone hates me. Nobody wants to go near me. There must be a reason im avoided, there must be a reason im hated, they must’ve seen something broken in me that I couldn’t see and they’re just doing their duty as people to cast me out or bully me. My parents were so happy to have a kid and the picture of them holding me as a baby they look so happy and so caring in those pictures. I must’ve fucked up at a young age and that’s why they didn’t want me anymore. It’s my fault and I know it. Idk what to do anymore. I’m sorry you don’t have to answer this.

Hi anon,

It's entirely up to whether or not you want to date. However it's worth considering that life is a risk and you deserve the possibility of being loved to a degree you've never experienced before. That also extends to social gatherings - human beings are social creatures and need interaction to survive and thrive. Your past experiences do not deserve to steal your ability to have joyful and meaningful connections and memories. There are ways to enjoy a social life and love life without fear of abuse.

It also sounds like you're dealing with "mythologization" which is a common experience among survivors of complex trauma. Mythologization is a term I use to describe the feeling that the abuse you've experienced is on a cosmic or spiritual level, like feeling as if your abuse was predestined by god. Especially when you've been revictimized and polyvictimized, it's even easier to feel this way.

Going drastic lengths to avoid abuse is traumatized behavior. It's also common for trauma survivors to victim-blame and gaslight themselves as you've outlined in your last two paragraphs. It's okay to acknowledge that you have trauma, but it's understandable to find difficulty in accepting this due to the consequences of being traumatized.

It's important to remember that trauma is not defined by what happened, but instead by how we are affected. This is because there are various factors that affect one's resilience - the ability to recover from an adverse experience. Everyone is dealt a unique set of cards which means that everyone had varying degrees of resilience. So what may be traumatic to you may not be traumatic to someone else, but that doesn't mean you aren't or shouldn't be traumatized. It makes sense given the hand you were dealt and that's okay. This also means that it makes little sense to compare your trauma to those you feel have it worse - because they have a completely different life, with a completely different set of cards.

A difficult part of healing is acknowledging the severity of your past while giving yourself permission to be happy and enjoy the present moment. You do not have to be miserable to be a valid trauma survivor. You deserve to be happy in spite of everything that has happened.

-Bun

[rozieramati]

3/6/23

so from what i've realized about people is most of the time people are not good. in fact, ones goal in life should not revolve around being a good person. most people could care less if you're an actually good person. they only care if you bring them something of value. good, of course, is subjective. but generally speaking people will cross your boundaries. and no matter how diplomatic in approach you may be in telling them that it makes you uncomfortable, they will not be okay with it. they will always hold some sort of resentment. that’s what i’ve learned. people are a mystery to me. i always overthink social situations. everything feels like a game. a game wherein i’m naturally mute and have to come up with something to say. but i’m mute. i can’t come up with something to say. what i don’t understand is how people get others to rally around them. i don’t know how to bring people to me in the right way. i’ve had stalkers, that’s not the right way. i always show up for people but i’ve never had anyone actually show up for me. i never expect anything really from anyone. but the second i get comfortable is the second i set myself up for disappointment. i’ve become so tired of showing up. i don’t want to do it anymore. i’ve returned to my old habits of self-imposed isolation. subjected to solitude. when i said i was subjected to solitude as a child, S told me it was the deepest thing he’d ever heard. maybe he just wanted to fuck me. or maybe he meant it. 

[not-that-kinda-bj]

[cis-female and she/her] Welcome to Aurora Bay, [BARBARA “BOBBI” JENKINS]! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like [ELIZABETH GILLIES]. You must be the [TWENTY-EIGHT] year old [CASHIER AT SWEET NOTHINGS BAKERY]. Word is you’re [BOLD] but can also be a bit [HEDONISTIC] and your favorite song is [BLESSED BE BY SPIRITBOX]. I also heard you’ll be staying in [AURORA BAY DRIVE]. I’m sure you’ll love it!

The Basics

Name: Barbara Mae Jenkins Nickname: Bobbi or BJ Birthday: June 15 Zodiac: Gemini Age: 27 Hometown: Sumter, SC Gender: Cis woman Pronouns: She/Her/Hers Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Romantic Orientation: Panromantic

Deeper Dive

Alignment: chaotic neutral Myers-Briggs: INTJ (the architect) Positive Traits: Affectionate, Bold, Decisive, Discreet, Flirtatious, Meticulous, Uninhibited Negative Traits: Catty, Impatient, Hedonistic, Mischievous, Oversensitive, Vain, Hobbies: solving sudoku puzzles, sketching, painting (watercolor specifically), singing, makeup, nail art

The Important Stuff

TWs: Religion, Bullying, Violence, Cheating Born to Allen and Miranda Jenkins, Bobbi grew up in a very devout Christian household. She was expected to participate in any and every church activity, serve, and be the good little Christian girl her parents were trying to shape her into being. And, at first, they’d been mostly successful. It certainly helped their cause to keep her mostly isolated and sheltered, even when she started going to public school (homeschooling wasn’t really an option as both parents were far too busy to actually put in the effort to ensure she’d study and do school. They’d tried. It just didn’t really work out. They were not pleased with the fact they had to send their precious gift from God to the cesspool that was public school. *sniffle sniffle*)

Anyways!

Bobbi had been so sheltered, she wasn’t even allowed to have friends over. Her childhood was rather… lonely. School, church, learn how to play a musical instrument or two (for the benefit of the church, of course) and art were the only ways she could entertain herself. Especially since she was an only child. The youth and the choir group she was forced to be a part of at her church weren’t really good company, either. They had, after all, values and beliefs that she could not really relate to. And while she enjoy singing, and certainly had a talent and passion for it, being forced to do it sucked the fun out of it, making her want to simply just drop it all together.

To make matters worse, she learned at a young age just how cruel children could be. With the unfortunate initials her name gave her as well as just how religious her parents were, she quickly became the target for bullying. Harmless and name calling at first, it wasn’t THAT big of a deal. Sure, it hurt a heck of a lot, but you know that saying. Stick and stones and all. She could tough it out. Words were just that. Words.

Until it wasn’t just words anymore. After it had become physical, Bobbi sort of.. lost it. She could handle the words and lewd comments thrown her way. But the moment someone laid hands on her? It only took a few times from her coming home with bruises and her clothes bloodied before  she started to stand up for herself and fight back. And fight back she did. While she didn’t win most of the fights, she fought back enough that eventually she garnered the reputation of “don’t fuck with that bitch”. 

The bullying slowed down tremendously after that. Bobbi even started making some friends. One girl in particular. They simply just clicked. It wasn’t until high school started did this girl express feelings for Bobbi, and Bobbi… She returned them with a kiss. Of course, it was difficult to pursue a romantic relationship when one was hardly allowed to do anything but school or church. Relationships are hard enough on their own without that little hiccup. The two tried to make it work as best they could, but eventually, the two decided that their relationship would be better suited to be more platonic.

Graduation rolled around, and now that Bobbi was eighteen, she had given herself a bit more new found freedom. She was an adult now, and legally, her parents couldn’t keep her from doing what she wanted. They didn’t like it, and made it very known that they didn’t like it. There were nights where their “overly rebellious child” had been locked out of the house. Bobbi had finally had enough and made the decision to move out. A bit of a rash decision, as she had no plan, no job, no where else to go. Luckily, her friend’s parents offered her a bed just until she was able to get on her feet.

Bobbi got a job and saved up for an apartment and went to cosmetology school. What would she do with this newfound freedom? It was almost overwhelming, and yet, it was also overshadowed by her parents still trying to control her life, even from afar. She eventually moved to a small town in California called Aurora Bay when she was twenty one, as far away from home as she could possibly be without actually moving out of the country. It was weird, being in a new state, knowing absolutely no one. It was.. Lonely. But, Bobbi made a few friends as well as met a really cute guy. They hit it off, clicking with one another well enough. Bobbi had asked him if he was comfortable being in an open relationship once things got a bit more serious between them, as she was poly, but he had said no. She could respect that, and the two eventually became exclusive. It was good. Great, even. She was so ecstatic when he had proposed, so happy. It wasn’t until it was a week before their wedding date did it all come crashing down, when she’d come home early and found that he was in bed with another woman. She was rightfully upset. After all, how could he do that to her?! Especially after she had asked him if they wanted to also see other people and he said no. And so she left without saying a word. A few days later, a friend she made in Aurora had decided that they’d go drinking. Because they were both “young” and “hot” and “fuck that guy” and “find someone else to help you forget about him for the night”. And it seemed to work. At least until the woman her fiance had been seeing walked into the bar. In a drunken rage, Bobbi did the only thing that made sense: she started a fight with the woman. After all, she was a home-wrecker. She was just. As. Bad.

Only.. she wasn’t. It wasn’t until later did Bobbi learn that the woman had no idea that she’d been sleeping with a taken man. A fact that still brings guilt to Bobbi to this day. She’d been arrested for the assault and was charged with misdemeanor aggravated assault. She was slapped with a fine and a six month jail sentence. She did her time, paid her dues, and has been out of jail for a few months now, having moved into her friend’s house. Just until she can pick back up where she left off. She’s even trying her hand at being in a band, even offering her talent at singing when it’s been needed.

@aurorabayaesthetic​

[strangejellyfishluminary]

Kraken

I am so very tired of performing endlessly for the world

I am tired of not being masculine enough to be queer

I don’t feel like a woman but the world keeps calling me

Miss. Girl. Little Lady. Have a nice day, Ma’am.

I smile. Act like it doesn’t bother me, but

Every time I’m misgendered the pressure builds inside

I want to scream but that’s not polite

That’s not ‘ladylike’ and it’s not constructive 

But when people ignore my identity

I don’t feel like constructing relationships

I don’t feel like building bridges with people

That continuously treat me like I’m subhuman

Like, i don’t deserve to pee in peace in public

Like, my existence is a phase or trend

As if I’d choose this life of 

‘Not vaguely masculine enough’ to be truly androgynous

‘Not gay enough’ to really actually be pansexual

‘Making too many sex jokes’ to be asexual

‘Not trans enough’ to be genderqueer

‘Not dating enough women, trans, nonbinary people’

To be a part of the LGBTQ+ community

‘Not out to my family’ to be valid

‘Not visible publicly enough’ to be proud of my identity

‘Not struggling enough just to exist’

Who are you to tell me to keep my head up

When I’m barely treading water at times

Gasping for breath, panic at the discovery

That people i thought were ally’s

Have left me out to dry, alone and parched,

Lips chapped from begging to be seen

To be heard, to be acknowledged as a real human being

I am not your unicorn, mystical creature of pure love

I am the kraken, being crushed in the depths of the dark

Vilified for defending myself and being misunderstood

Miss gendered. Miss taken for someone that won’t fight back

But I’m so tired of fighting, of being alone, feeling isolated

From my community. Beaten down, I’m so tired,

You have no idea how tired, I just want to curl up

Stop the fighting, stop trying, stop hurting

Stop the pain. I just want some peace

Some rest. Why can’t I just rest

I need some rest from this madness in my head

I feel so lost, lonely, separate from friends and loved ones

Even amongst this crowd of love and support

I can’t feel it, it doesn’t seep in, this warmth can’t penetrate

The ice barriers of fear, words of comfort get lost

In the swamps of sadness, I cling to Artax, my childhood,

As it sinks and disappears, like my last fuck about life

I clung to my last fuck, hoping that maybe someone would see

Someone would notice, I’m trying, I keep trying

But I just don’t know if I can try anymore!

That’s it, I think I’m done, it’s too late.

You’re too late, no! I won’t accept, I can’t accept,

No! You pity me, that’s the only reason you came back

You don’t actually love me, I don’t believe you!

I can’t believe that you would actually love me!

I’m broken, oh so very broken, and it’s too late to fix this

To fix me, I’m at the end of the rope and dangling

I’m so tired and so sick of being a burden

I just wanted to be loved, accepted, is that so much to ask for?

I used to love myself, but now I don’t even recognize this person in the mirror

Who is that, ugly, pimply, sweaty, nervous wreck!

That red faced, snot nosed, unwashed nasty bitch

She, no, I mean, they haven’t showered in weeks

Disgusting cunt, when’s the last time you brushed your teeth

I can’t look at you, but that doesn’t matter

I can’t even get out of bed or take my meds

Sleeping is about all i have energy for anymore

Waking up from uncertain dreams and nightmares

Where life is one continuous gauntlet of taunting homophobes

And never having a body that fits my identity

And never having friends or family use my name or pronouns correctly

And never feeling safe to exist as my true authentic self

How can I get out of this hell? 

By creating a chosen family, and choosing who gets to be included

Blood related or no, loved ones that respect my identity

Regardless of if they can or want to accept my identity,

Those people that choose to treat me as human,

Those people that don’t call me by my dead name

Those that correct themselves politely

Those that make the effort to use my proper pronouns

That is the bare minimum

And the bare minimum that I can do?

Because the only person I can control is myself

Is to take each week, each day, 

Each hour, minute, second and moment

One step at a time. Deep breath.

Focus. Stop. count the colors in a painting.

Stop. the pain won't stop. Deep breath.

Count to ten. One. two. Three. Four.

I can do this. I can do this.

Five. six. Seven. You’ve got this, Miss Universe.

Eight. Nine. ten. Deep breath. 

Focus. What kind of future do you want to build?

Deep breath. Eat. drink water. Take your meds.

Focus. Spend time with healthy supportive friends.

And I stress that they must be healthy and supportive!

Deep breath. It’s okay to walk away from 

Unhealthy, maladaptive, coping skills as well as

Those codependent or toxic relationships.

Deep breath. It’s okay if you lose some friends.

You will lose some friends BUT 

You will keep the ones that are healthy

The ones that create communities

Be they queer, straight, able bodied, disabled

Whatever form, culture, gender, sexuality, nationality

These communities we create and are a part of

Are full of human beings ready to provide acceptance and love

Community is such a strong supportive resource

Reaching out, spending time with my queer community,

My veteran community, my college community,

Communities that sometimes overlap, 

Communities that I can rely on for support

[mrpenguinpants]

Xiao: First Kiss HCs

I’m so sorry it took me actually forever to reply to you. But I really hope you like this and it was somewhat worth the wait;; I tried really hard but ty for liking my Xiao content and yes! Let’s be absolute trash for Xiao. In this house we only believe in Xiao supremacy 💕💕

---

Semi Part 1: Friendship

Semi Part 2: Falling in Love

Semi Part 3: Cuddles

Semi Part 4: Protective

Semi Part 5: Affection

Semi Part 6: Jealously

Semi Part 8: Opposites Attract

Semi Part 9:  String of Fate [Soulmate] HCs

Semi Part 10:  [ Fainting ]

---

Childe Ver: First Kiss HCs

Venti & Kaeya: Mistletoe HCs

Venti, Xingqiu, and Razor: Kissing HCs

Considering how many more Xiao fics I need to write. This semi part link might not be a good idea lol. Also let’s ignore if I wrote in a kiss in a previous post haha.

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji​​  @mikeysbike​​ @unionwitch​​ @musekala​​ @twistedsunnshiii​​ @stanzastic​ @akaasea​​ @xoneaboveallx​​ @adoring-ghost​​ @asheseiler​​ @childelover​​@youaskedfurret​​ @snowy224

---

Xiao: First Kiss HCs

When you and Xiao first got together. It was a slow and steady process of learning each other boundaries and what felt comfortable. Xiao knew he was a difficult partner but you loved him and even becoming his friend was a slow and worthwhile adventure. It started off small leading from small handholding, to cuddling, to showing each other affection. But the one area that you both weren’t familiar in was kisses. He was an isolated adepti and you were an adventurer. You didn’t have any experience in being kissed and Xiao sure as hell didn’t either. Plus it was a lot more intimate and nerve wracking compared to holding hands and that was an hard hill to tackle in itself.

You didn’t mind that he wasn’t comfortable with initiating affection or never went in or talked about kisses. You were just happy that he was by your side and that your love was reciprocated. That he was comfortable in your presence and seemed content in your arms. It still made you a bit giddy when you reflected on how far you both came and that was enough for you. Xiao, on the other hand, couldn’t exactly say the same. While he was happy and he was content, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe your relationship was too one-sided? He knew that you were comfortable and okay with waiting for him to work out his issues and figuring out how to love again but he also really wanted to do more. He just wasn’t sure how to start.

It suddenly dawned on him one day when he saw you off on your next journey, that he had never really kissed you. Even a small goodbye kiss. It was usually you initiating affection or giving words of love and you always told him that it didn’t matter if he said it or not. His actions said more which always made him flush a bit. But on slow and quiet days where you were off on another adventure and Liyue was calm, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to you. To your face, your bright eyes that would light up whenever you talked about the interesting sights you saw on your journey, the curve of your nose whenever he tapped it when you started to ramble on to much, your lips and how they would spread into a soft smile when it was just the two of you.

Xiao quickly flipped himself up into a sitting position and groaned into his hands. What was happening to him? He needed to take a walk to clear his mind again. He’s been going out a lot since he met you. He had faced an army of demons and fought in a war and yet this felt like the hardest challenge of his entire thousand year long life. He could almost hear Guizhong’s laughter at his predicament and her words of wisdom saying to take whatever problem he had and face it head on. Just without his spear. The spear needs to stay home.

So the next time you visited Wangshu Inn he asked for you to close your eyes. You complied but you were surprised, sitting by the railing facing Liyue up on the balcony. Was he going to gift you something? This was the first time he asked you to close your eyes but you trusted him. You could almost feel the anxiety waving off Xiao so you kept quiet and patient and waited for him to be ready.

He was ready. He could do this. You weren’t even looking at him so what was there to be worried about? He slowly leaned in, just hovering above your lips. But then he leaned back a bit, flushing red. He nearly chewed his lip before stopping since you probably didn’t want to taste blood. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ready or he thought that you would hate it, he was just nervous in messing up. What if his accidently transformed? What if he accidently pushed you off the railing? Even worse, what if someone showed up and saw you both like this?

Turns out he didn’t need to worry. Somewhat. Zhongli, who Xiao knew now was actually Rex Lapis in disguise, made a sudden appearance behind him. The whiplash of suddenly seeing his Master, the nervous butterfly’s fluttering in his stomach, and pep talk Xiao was trying to pound into his mind made him suddenly lurch forward and kiss you deeply. A bit too deeply as his little fangs nipped at your bottom lip.

“Zhongli!?”

“Rex Lapis?!”

You both quickly broke apart as your eyes flew open when you heard the man but also surprise at the sudden but, not completely unpleasant, pain and pressure on your lips. You could almost see the soul leave Xiao’s body when he spun around to see the surprised Zhongli. It was silent for a moment, all three of you just staring at each other. You were still processing what the hell just happened, Xiao was trying to find a way to astral project, and Zhongli was computing the fact that yes, the ever grumpy and “don’t touch me” yaksha both had a lover and was in the middle of...courting.

“Oh. My apologies. I wasn’t aware you were both occupied. I shall take my leave and visit another day then.” Zhongli simply nodded and left before you or Xiao could say anything. You both stared at the empty figure of where Zhongli was before you started to burst into laughter at the situation. You really felt bad, you did honestly, but with all the overwhelming emotions you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m...sorry. I didn’t know he was going to visit today,” Xiao muttered as he pressed his hand into his face and groaned at the embarrassing moment. You could see the tips of his ears were getting redder by the second which made you chuckle. For such a fearsome Yaksha he was really cute sometimes.

“It’s okay Xiao. I don’t mind. But are you alright?” you stifled the last of your giggles and reached out to pull him closer and remove his hand from his red face before cupping his cheek. He huffed but leaned into your hand. He really was sometimes like a cat.

“Are you hurt? Was I...too forward?” Xiao asked but he still wouldn’t look you in the eye. The floor was very interesting this afternoon. Wood was nice. Wood was good.

“No! It was...nice,” you answered, starting to go a bit pink yourself now before you felt a stinging pain in the corner of your lip, “Ah. I think you might accidently bit my lip though.”

“I see,” Xiao was now looking at you with his piercing eyes as he watched your small pink tongue brush over the corner of your bottom lip. His attention began to focus on that small part as the world seem to narrow down. Just the two of you. But unlike when you both would lie on top of the inn and watch the sun go down he felt hungry.

“Do you-”

Before you could ask anything Xiao suddenly pounced and pressed his lips against yours in a heated kiss. He took you by surprise but you quickly recovered as you gripped the purple ribbon on his back and yanked him forward as his hands slammed against the railing, trapping you. You felt his tongue press against your lips as you slowly opened them to let him in. It was overwhelming and you were sure if you hadn’t been grabbing onto the purple ribbon you would have fell over but then a sudden deep rumble snapped you out of your trance.

“Xiao? Are you...Are you purring?” you giggled when you got a tiny but of separation from the lack of air but he frowned at you, really it looked more like a pout, before leaning over once again.  Just barely brushing over your lips as he whispered

“Meow”

---

This isn’t even OOC anymore. I feel like I’m writing a fucking k-drama right now, what am I doing anymore? English? Huh? I do not compute.

I’ve just awakened something in me with Cat! Xiao and I am flying with it (and casually ignoring lore. Isn’t he a bird?). Heading straight for the stratosphere and you cannot stop me. Just gonna hide away in shame now don’t look at me.

Okay. Time to commit sleep for uh 2 hours lol. I’m really tired but I feel kinda proud of myself haha. Tomorrow’s fics are going to be Venti, Lisa and Diluc pairing, and Venti and Barbara pairing. Good night!

Oh, and yes there is a lot more Xiao content to come and uhh might continue this cat!xiao idea. Unless that’s too weird. I’m sorry don’t shame me pls 😰

my god tumble just work. i dont want to deal with you and your tags. 

[unohanadaydreams]

DAMAGE DONE FOR KENPACHI SOULMATE CAN YOU IMAGINE THE A N G S T AND CONFUSION

 I know ppl who follow this blog have taste because you were the the first of four ppl to ask for this exact combo jdhdjsjs. We are all Kenpachi brain rot compliant.

Features: Cutting/self harm, a real shit start to a relationship, and angst.

Bleach Your Soul: Ask Meme

Kenpachi Zaraki + Damage:

So much of your life was defined by isolation. A patient treated terminal. Everyone paid you the same attention they would a ghost, fleeting smiles and tears that fell over your bed as though it were a grave.

How could you not feel tortured and angry, to be saddled with a soul mate determined to drag you through hell with them? There were times you truly believed were your last. Stabs too close to your guts. Slashes peeling open to far towards your heart.

There was little room in your thoughts to worry about who suffered with you, other than to curse them. Whether they struggled to live or delighted in violence, you didn’t know. You didn’t care. It was hard to care about anything while laying in your deathbed. Through childhood, your heart withered like the flowers always dying on your window sill. If only they’d throw you away for good, as well.

You garnered hobbies to keep busy rather than to enjoy them. Your stitching, calligraphy, and precocious little drawings stained in blood more often than not. The 4th division was your jail. Your soulmate, your warden. Keeping you there, always.

For years, you begged them. Desperate to be heard--to have a modicum of fucking control--, you carved words into your skin. Were they scared the first time you did it? Did they hate it? Did it hurt them?

Vindictive, you hoped all your horrible thoughts were so. When you cut ‘stop. stop. stop. stop.’ you did it on your side and hip, so it would reopen. Again. And again. And again. And--

They never responded. No matter what you wrote. ‘Please stop.’ ‘It hurts.’ ‘Doesn’t it hurt you?’ ‘I hate you.’ ‘Who are you.’ ‘Don’t you care?’ ‘Kill me.’ ‘Die.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ 

Slowly, then suddenly, the damage that had been near daily stopped for so many years stopped. Your family settled you back in the home, a living urn. They said your name and stroked your cheek and smiled too small when you spoke.

Your skin buzzed with the absence of what had plagued your entire youth. Was it sickness or shame that drove your blade through your skin still? Did you just miss it? Was the violence boiling you alive with no where to spill out anymore?

There were times you swore minuscule nicks would appear, healing too fast to smooth over, but staying long enough to feel. Older, able to be among people, you realized what that could mean. What kind of person you’d told to die as a pithy little tween.

Were they alive--really alive? Did anyone else care or were you the only one?

‘Songbirds.’ ‘Hello.’ ‘Your name?’ ‘Sorry.’ ‘Work sucks.’ ‘Too hot.’ ‘Alive?’ ‘Hotpot.’ ‘Cut words.’ ‘Please.’ ‘Alive?’ ‘Shinigami.’ ‘13th.’ ‘Rank?’ ‘Rukongai?’ ‘I’m sorry.’

@

Retsu Unohana, the only woman he couldn’t quite look in the eye, was there to smile all serene-like over him. After he’d lost. Figures she’d be there when he fucking lost.

She asked him all those annoying questions about how his body felt and told him all the things he needed to heal from. He wanted to shake her like Yachiru did when he wasn’t paying attention enough for her liking. Who gave a shit about all that--he lost and got what he deserved. He had to get stronger. Just because she’d abandoned her pride didn’t mean he would. 

“Your soulmate is here, too.”

Kenpachi couldn’t ignore that one. He never ignored that one. Not that they let him, with all their fucking writing. Saying the strangest shit sometimes too.

When he was young, he’d been paranoid, not knowing what the fuck was doing the writing. He’d swing his sword over his calf or side or thigh, expecting to lob and invisible arm off. Running, Kenpachi would try to out pace the fucker.

 Yumichika explained it like having one was exciting. Ikkaku had yelped for Yumichika to knock it off as the man with beautifully kept hands had given himself a paper cut.

“See? It means the person you’re meant for feels everything you do on the battlefield.” His colorful eyelids narrowed, sights shifting between his captain and Ikkaku. “Or in the file cabinet, if either of you would bother to help out.”

The more he understood--and thought about it--the less he wanted to meet them. His soulmate. Kenpachi wasn’t a person who forgave weakeness and anyone meant for him wouldn’t either, right?

He’d been consumed by sleepless nights, futile attempts to nap, and brutal training sessions, trying to keep his failures out of mind after the realization. What if Yachiru had been forced to take every blow the same as he had? Whenever he tucked in his lieutenant, the question ate at him further.

With time, there had come some form of solace--one day he’d find the thrill of a horrible battle again, to drown the thoughts out. But what Ichigo Kurosaki had offered hadn’t been horrible in the way he’d imagined. And here he was, face turned away from Unohana’s thinly veiled impatience, his feelings too complicated to bother with fully.

“Well?”

Unohana stood, like she was disappointed and Kenpachi couldn’t help but snap at her, “Fine. Whatever.”

She smiled, soft as she’d gotten, and went to the door. “Fine to what? I only told you they’re here. But if you’re so determined to see them, Captain Zaraki, follow me.”

@

Grumbling about how much he hated ‘that sneaky shit’, Kenpachi did follow her, and went through the door she gestured at before being closed in with your recovering body. Your body hadn’t healed as fast as his, but that wasn’t a surprise--you’d be a captain for sure if you could pull that shit off.

Worst of all, you were awake, the scar lining one side of your face as thick as his own. No one else was in the room with you. There were no flowers or cards. And your mouth was hanging open.

“You’re alive.”

“Yeah well,” Kenpachi didn’t know what to say, trailing off as one of his fingers brushed over his thigh.

“Everyone is talking about your fight,” you said, filling his silence with a light shrug. “I figured it was more than coincidence that I ended up like this at the same time. I’m glad it was you and not the ryoka.”

“You thought that kid was your soulmate?”

“How was i supposed to know? No one’s seen him since your fight, or so they’re saying.”

“The scar’s pretty fucking obvious.”

“Uh, I’ve never seen you before and it’s not like you’re ever in the Seireitei Bulletin or...or wandering around where people could find you!”

Kenpachi winced, not because of your words, but because the closer he got, the more your sweat and shaking arms showed. You must’ve been like this for a lot of your life. A worming feeling of guilt he seldom felt curled in his belly. Now that he had a person to pin to the thought, it swelled large.

Maybe if he were a softer person, someone rounded out like the long gone Yachiru turned Unohana, he’d say something comforting or concerned or even charming. But his hand was still on his thigh and his mounting frustration at himself, all revolving around his lack of strength, felt thick on his tongue.

“This mean you’re gonna stop with the fucking words?”

You pulled your head back slow, looking up at him like you couldn’t decide between succumbing to exhaustion or lunging at him.

“What if I don’t? What if I just keep going till you respond?”

“You’ll keep going until ya die.”

“Well, great! There’s you’re answer,” you scoffed. “You’ll have to kill me.”

It was a shit start, all things considered, and the silence that took over the room as Kenpachi sat on the nearest chair, so hard it almost cracked, felt as horrible as his zanpakuto refusing to answer him.

“The name’s Kenpachi Zaraki,” he said, resolved to at least get your name.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Damn right, you do. Now tell me yours.”

You wouldn’t have introduced yourself if he hadn’t looked so...well, you couldn’t quite tell what he looked like. Tired, maybe. Tired and wanting something.

So you gave him your name, your relief that he was alive, that you hadn’t wished him to his grave in your youth, outweighing your anger. An apology for putting you here was like grasping at the sky and hoping to hold a star, if his reputation proceeded him. So you let it go as best you could.

And Kenpachi settled back in the chair, grunting in acknowledgement. He didn’t think learning your name was gonna make him stronger, but it felt nice to hear someone talking to him like a person and not a beast.

If he was being honest, it’d always felt nice to be given your words, when so many people refused to give him any. A bit awkwardly, he stayed while you fell victim to sleep, your breath slow before he spoke again.

“Thanks.”

[bibbykins]

Vulnerable in The Dead of Night (M)

I wrote this QUICK, so if it’s bad, I’m so sorry, but I just wanted to get this out ASAP, so I hope you like it! Also, pls feel free to give me your thoughts or ask any questions, I love to answer them!

NOTE: This is part of The Household’s Bunny series, which I recommend you read before this bc otherwise, it may not make sense.

Summary: Taehyung finds himself consumed with self-loathing and crushing loneliness. You find Taehyung standing alone in the kitchen late at night, happy to see him again for the first time in weeks. The usually playful and flirty man is left with his feelings when faced with you in the dead of night.

Genre: Soft Yandere! Taehyung x Chubby! Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: 18+, soft yandere tendencies, obsessive/possessive thoughts, crying, loneliness, self-loathing, abandonment issue, adopted person feeling unworthy of love, kissing, hickeys, cunnilingus, precum, blowjob, swallowing, dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, this is a yandere fic so unhealthy relationships are throughout this series

Taehyung felt like he was losing his mind, and maybe he was. What could he be doing wrong? How can you not know how he feels? How can Jimin get his point across better than him? 

Do you not like him?

His pacing in the kitchen ceased at this thought. 

No.

Surely, no. You liked him, right? You told him you did.

Although, that was before he and Namjoon had basically disappeared from your life these last two weeks. Is he that replaceable? 

The nagging insecurity of his childhood crept up. Flashes of tears, isolation, and craving for love tugged at his mind. He shook his head. He wasn't a 6 year old watching his father leave him. He wasn't a 14 year old in a foster home. He just wasn't that 17 year old in a new home, trying to adapt. That wasn't him anymore. Taehyung was loved now, by many. So why not by you? 

He blew out a shaky breath before finishing his glass of room temperature water. He was still dressed in his suit, having just gotten home from the final session of the blasted weeks-long project that kept him from you. His tie was more suffocating than ever but could not find a reason he deserved to undo it.

Too enraptured in his own thoughts, he didn't hear the soft pad of slippers downstairs or the tiny pants of regaining your breath from the nine flights you just went down in the dead of night, "Tae?" Your breathy voice sliced through the chaos in his mind and he let out a breathy chuckle, thinking he was going insane, hallucinating your voice.

Truly, he felt useless. He felt sub-human. He felt every piece of shit adult who turned his back on him must be justified if this was the best he could do. If a smokescreen of lovability with no love was his peak. If being alone with only hallucinations was the closest he could get to companionship-

He nearly choked on his water when he felt arms wrap tightly around his midsection, "Tae, you're home!" Your voice cleared the cloud of self-loathing and he looked down to see your half manicured nails, most of the polish chipped off. He slowly placed his hands on yours and was relieved to find you weren't a hallucination, "I missed you." He could feel your mouth moving against his suit jacket as you squeezed him a bit harder.

He let his eyes close as he relished in the feeling of you nuzzling into him, missing him. 

Worried when he said nothing, you moved to detach yourself but he held your hands firmly, "Tae?" You questioned only for him to hum lightly.

"I missed you so much, little lamb." His voice was soft, the softest you'd ever heard it as his thumb stroked your palm, "I didn't know you missed me." His voice held a fondness you had never heard from him before. Usually, his tone was light and playful but now, he was almost melancholic.

Did he genuinely feel that way? The panic of one of the men you found yourself falling for each day thinking you didn't like him as much as you did take over and you moved for you both to face each other. Tae merely blinked before you were in front of him, hands holding his face, not searching in his eyes but looking to express something with yours, "Of course I missed you." You pouted, "You all mean the world to me." 

He searched for any sign of a lie. He'd seen it time and time again from people in the entertainment industry, but with you, it was nothing but pure honesty, "Little lamb." He commanded your attention even though he already had it as you let your hands settle on each of his shoulders, "You mean that?" 

"I would never lie to you." You didn't miss a beat before looking at him further, realizing he is not acting like he usually does, "Are you okay?" You asked lightly, eyes traveling over his form, hands working to undo his tie as you've done before when he asked you to help him, "Oh gosh, that must feel so suffocating this late at night." You mumbled and undid two of his top buttons. He grabbed your hands as you worked at the second button, making you look up.

"Do you wanna know how I feel, baby?" He asked, eyes a little darker now as he drank in your form, wearing a mere long shirt that reached the middle of your thighs with no shorts in sight. You nodded and his grip on you tightened but wasn't painful, "Jealous." He rasped and you looked up, confused, "Jealous that you don't cum for me or crave me like you do everyone else." His voice was strained despite neglecting Namjoon's own lack of experience with you.

You blinked, "I mean if you want sex, that's okay." He let go of your hands, one of his hands moving to grip your hip as the other cupped your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, "But you know that sex is just that, I mean, I like closeness and it makes me feel good, so I do it. But I also know that being sexually attracted to me doesn't mean you want me as your partner- oh!" He cut you off by pressing you roughly against the wall, his hand now cradling the back of your head to prevent you from getting hurt.

His gaze burned into you and you averted your eyes but the hand behind your head went to grip your chin, forcing your gaze to meet his own, and what a fierce gaze it was, "Who made you think that?" He snapped and continued when you struggled to respond, "Who convinced you that you're not just as worthy of pleasure as you are intimacy? Love? Companionship?" 

You were dumbstruck. Part of you wanted to ask how long he had because you had a list. You remembered every person who made you feel that way whereas they surely forgot you moments after you either did or didn't succumb to their desires. Instead, your eyes began to water, "Why are you…?" You forced out, blinking back your tears, "I don't...I don't understand." You shook your head.

"I don't want to fuck you so bad just because you're the sexiest woman I've ever seen." Your breath hitched and your mind couldn't properly process his words, "I crave you." He breathed, leaning down, "I've been agonizing over how to come to terms with the fact that I feel so fucking strongly for someone who has no obligation to feel the same." Before you could even respond, he placed his mouth on yours in a bruising kiss.

You responded immediately, trying your best to convey your feelings in this sloppy kiss, tongues intertwined as you needily moaned when his hand wrapped your leg around him, but he didn't grind into you, he just pulled your closer. The kissing lessened in urgency and increased in passion as he gripped you with a near bruising force, "Tae…" You groaned into his mouth and found yourself nearly crying. You held him closer and he squeezed you to him.

"Yes, baby?" He moved to kiss lightly at the corner of your mouth, mouth moving to. kiss at your tears. He didn't need to ask you why you were crying. He knew. He felt it too. He felt the relief that came with being held close, being kissed, and is wanted as much as another wants you.

"Do you mean it?" You asked, crying more now, "You…"

"I feel so strongly for you." He affirmed and you shook your head, having a hard time believing him, "And that's so frightening because you could just leave and I..." He breathed shakily, head tucked into your neck, "I don't know how everyone else is holding it together when I know they feel the same-"

"I do too." You had to say it before you wouldn't, "All of you, I do." You sniffled, "But I can't find a reason why you guys would feel anything for me too." Your voice was breaking and he just crushed you to him further, "And I don't know if they feel that way, and-" You cried further, "I-I need to go to bed, I need to-" You tried to pull away from his crushing embrace to no avail. 

You whined a bit at this. Your mind was scattered, and you didn't know what to do. There was so much going on yet nothing going on at all. You received a confession and so did he and yet, everything felt so complicated. The doubt of anyone wanting to be with you strangled your very being and made you want to stay in your room and never think about it again. Live alone in mediocrity and loneliness.

"Promise me you're not scared." His words were demanding but his tone was pleading, "I...I know it's a lot and I know I never act like this, but just, don't avoid it, don't avoid me." He sniffled and you relaxed, "The fact of the matter is, we feel the same about each other, the rest will come in time." He was regaining his composure and slowly you began to calm down. He was right. It was just you and him. Everyone else is at bay, they will get their time. You don't have to wake everyone up to know their feelings. You have time, "I know Jimin said his piece to you too, and we're not going anywhere, so please, don't go." His voice was stable again as he tucked in the scared and lonely little boy that haunts him sometimes and set his mind straight.

You nodded against him, honest and understanding of his words. You were nervous, sure, but only time would tell. If you run, you break your heart. But if you stay, you could either get your heart broken or get everything you want. It's a risk that you don't know how to calculate, but it's a risk you're willing to take. Maybe Taehyung is right and everyone feels the same about you in a way you could only dream. Just maybe.

He lets you go and you look at him, flawless as ever. His face was minorly red, tears minuscule and long gone by now, "We should go to bed." You murmured as Taehyung reached up to wipe away the stray tears on your cheeks and he nodded. 

He held your hand as he pressed the elevator button, lightly scolding you for taking nine flights of stairs in slippers with no traction, "Wow, you tell me you tell me you like me and now I'm getting chewed out." You giggled, the feeling of someone fussing over your safety was quite refreshing.

He looked at you incredulously, "If you fell or hurt yourself, all hell would break loose." He chided and you hummed.

You broke out into a goofy smile, "You like me." You giggled and the man next to you gave you a side-eyed glare before giving up on containing his own smile.

"Yeah well," He paused for a moment, smiling to himself, "You like me back." He chuckled and you felt your face heat up. 

He squeezed your hand and you watched the floors tick up to your own, "Tae?"

"Yes?" He asked, noticing your voice got quieter, more unsure. 

"Do you have anything to do tomorrow or do you want to stay with me tonight?" You forced out, nervous he would say no. 

Little did you see, he broke out into a cheerful smile and thanked his lucky stars before responding coolly, "I'd be honored to stay with you tonight." 

The elevator dinged just in time and you held his hand all the way to your bedroom before finally standing to face him. You studied his face for the nth time tonight. He was still beautiful each time and the moonlight only further deified his beauty further, "You're all so beautiful." You mused, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"And all yours." He breathed.

You scoffed, "Sounds impossible." 

"Start believing, my darling." His voice was as smooth and deep as ever and you looked into his eyes and found an emotion you'd never seen before. 

Maybe you could do this. Maybe Taehyung was right and all 7 of them felt the same. Maybe you were deserving of sex and love.

And quite possibly it was your own resignation of maybe of the whole situation that made you reach up and push his suit jacket off of his shoulders. Confused, he still shrugged off the jacket, letting it fall to the floor. You reached up and began undoing the third button on his shirt. With more of his chest exposed you reached your hands up and feel the exposed skin of his chest softly, "Baby, what are you- fuck!" You cut him off, leaning up to suck onto his neck harshly before licking the spot. Your breath hit his neck, "You have got to be careful or I may not be able to control myself." You merely smiled before licking a stripe along the column of his throat and you could feel the vibration of his groan against your tongue before kissing along his jaw, "I don't want you to think I just confessed to you so I could come up here and-" He cut himself off with a strangled growl as you shifted your leg up for your thigh to brush against his erection.

"I like how cumming feels knowing you're still going to like me the next day." You spoke honestly and Taehyung wanted to find every person who didn't make you feel that way, "Unless you don't want to do anything, which is fine." You nuzzled into his neck, "I just, want to be close to you in more ways than one." 

He pulled back to look at you properly and found no doubt in your eyes. With Jimin, sexual acts had been a show of emotions. Now that you thought about it, even what happened with Yoongi and Jin felt like something different than what you were used to. In each sexual encounter, there was a level of care, making it feel so alien. Even with Jungkook and Hoseok, there was something there that you didn't know, intimacy. And yet, it felt so good.

Nevertheless, he asked, "Are you sure?" You nodded and he smiled, head dipping down to kiss you deeply. You continued your work on the buttons of his shirt while your tongues felt each other. Your hands went to his belt, undoing the Italian leather before you pulled away from his mouth and began kissing down his neck and his hands intertwined with your hair, "Baby, you don't have to make me cum." He breathed and you sucked at his neck to protest.

"I want to feel you in my mouth." You whined, hand reaching into the pants you unbuttoned to grip his dick over his briefs, "Please?" 

He nodded, eyes heavy, unsure how he could ever say no to you in the first place, "On the bed though, I don’t want you to hurt your knees." His voice was soft and you giggled at his wholesome request but nodded anyway.

You sat on the bed as he rid himself of his mostly taken-off clothing. You both tangled into each other as he kissed while he laid over you on your bed. You lightly pushed him to flip over so you were on top of him, legs straddling his hips. His hands glided over your thighs, squishing the skin gleefully as you continued peppering kissing down his chest, pressing your core into his bare erection, making you let out a needy moan, “You’re so hard.” You whispered, mouth sliding down his body.

Before you knew it, you reached his dick and of course, it was pretty. You wrapped your hands around the base and he sucked in a breath through his teeth before you licked at the precum at the tip before taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and he let out the most delicious grunt,” So good to me, my little lamb.” He praised you in a gravelly voice and you felt yourself get wetter as his hands curled into your hair, “Fuck, just like that.” He groaned as you hollowed your cheeks and sucked him further. The dark room was filled with sounds of you drooling all over his erection as he praised you and was very vocal with his pleasure. The praise made you moan against his dick in delight, “My little lamb likes to be praised, huh?” He cooed, voice strained and breath heavy as you nodded, never letting his length escape your lips, “So perfect for me, aren’t you?” You hummed in delight as he threw his head back, fingers tensing in your hair as he did his best to not pull it or push your head down. However, determined to please, you guided his hand to push you further, nodding to let him know it was okay. He was gentle as he guided your head, his other hand intertwining with yours as a sweet gesture. You bobbed rhythmically and you could hear his noises becoming less and less controlled, “Fuck, I’m getting close.” He warned and you responded with a strong suck that made his hips lift off the bed, “Where do you want me to cum?” He asked urgently and you answered by looking up at him through your lashes with a look way too innocent for someone about to drink down his cum. It was that look that sent him over the edge and you felt him cum in your mouth. You drank him dry before letting his dick go with a resounding pop.

“Did I do well?” You asked and, his hand still in your hair, pulled you to him as he nodded before planting a sweet kiss on your lips.

“Perfect, baby, perfect.” He was breathless but still intent on kissing you deeply as he sat up, hands going to your thighs to grip the hem of your shirt, “Can I taste you, little lamb?” He asked and you nodded.

“Please.” You whined as he kissed your throat, going over the hickeys you had from the other me in the house, all of them mostly faded except for the one Jimin gave you. He lifted the shirt, only detaching from marking you to strip you of your clothing. He laid you down as he slipped your panties off, groaning at how you were glistening.

“You this wet for me, sweetheart?” He spoke huskily and you hummed desperately as his finger slid from your clit to your drenched hole slowly, “I really wanted to go slow, but fuck,” His finger slid in with little resistance much to his delight, “You’re just so ready for me, aren’t you?” You nodded, panting as his finger fucked slowly into you and he raised a brow, expecting you to be verbal.

“Yes, yes, I’m ready Sir, please.” You gasped out, fighting the urge to wiggle your hips as you confirmed with the honorific you trusted him enough to give yourself fully.

“Just because you’ve been so sweet to me,” He leaned down, breath fanning over your drenched core, “I won’t make you beg this time.” He kissed your clit, making you twitch before his tongue licked a stripe from your clenching hole to your clit, making you gasp, “You taste so fucking good, no wonder Jin and Yoongi were so smug for days.” He rasped and felt you clench around him further, “Oh?” He chuckled darkly as his tongue flicked your clit, “You like when I talk about the others? You wish they were here watching you squirm around my finger?” You writhed in delight as he slid another finger in, “You wish they were here helping me get you off so pretty, holding you down so you’ll be still like a good girl?” He teased you and it only soaked his fingers and tongue further as he slurped you intently. Taehyung had been waiting what felt like his whole life to have you come apart in his clutch and feel your sweet cum on his tongue.

He tasted you intently, fucking into you a little quicker as he let you squirm around him. He would be lenient and kind this time around, because of both of your desperations and tearful confessions. There was so much to feel and so much to taste, and he just wanted to have you crumble in his clutch. You were well on your way to be his, theirs, and he would be yours in return. He wanted to channel his hunger for you as he moaned into your pussy. You were already getting off by making him cum and now, you were unsure how long you would last if he kept flexing his tongue and running it over your clit as he curled his fingers in your cunt, hitting a particularly sensitive spot that made your back arch off the bed.

He murmured dirty and sweet nothings into your pussy as you clutched the sheets with a death grip, doing your best to not push his head into your core. You wanted him to have total control over your body and pleasure in this moment, “You’re getting close.” He cooed teasingly and you nodded, spurring him to take his fingers out.

You cried out as he chuckled, sucking your juices from the two fingers, “Please, I wanna cum, please, please!” You whimpered, pushing your hips up as he let his fingers go from his mouth.

“Shit, you’re so fucking cute.” He groaned, hands pinning your hips to the bed as you squirmed, “I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry.” He kissed at your clit, eliciting a desperate cry, “You just have to be really good for me and cum while I fuck you with my tongue.” He licked at your hole as you nodded eagerly, “Can you be good for me and do that?” His voice was dripping with lust.

“Yes, Sir, I can, I will, please!” You babbled, having been so close to cumming just moments ago.

You calling him Sir made his teasing nature disappear as he slid his tongue into you with a groan on his end and with you nearly screaming as he fucked into you. He moved inside of you as your walls fluttered, slowly clenching more and more as you could feel your high coming. It was when his hand went to rub quick circles onto your clit that you came with a strangled moan.

His tongue fucked you through your high and he only pulled away when your back settled back onto the bed and you were trying to catch your breath. He kissed your stomach before going to put on his briefs as he slid your panties back on. He hovered over you, placing a quick kiss on your mouth as you wrapped your arms around him, humming in bliss, “You’re such a good girl.” You keened at his praise as he placed a kiss on your cheek before rolling over to pull you in his arms, holding you tight.

“Now you get to be smug.”You giggled tiredly, eyes closing as you listened to his heartbeat.  

He chuckled, equally tired as he kissed the crown of your head, “I already am.” He mused, “Goodnight, little lamb.” His voice was soft and sweet as you could only muster another blissful hum.

Now, you were starting to understand what was so different about all of your sexual, or near-sexual, interactions with almost everyone. It was the emotion in it. 

You’ve had people say they liked you, get what they want, and then never see you again. However, the guys, barring Tae and Jimin, hadn’t said they liked you, but they tried to communicate it. They held you close, they stayed to cuddle with you after. There was care in the way they touched your body and it was liberating. It was frightening, the idea of getting used to something that could just go away one day, but nevertheless, you let your consciousness fade, knowing he would be there tomorrow morning.

Tip Jar

[chaozsilhouette]

Moonlit Musings

The night is such a perfect time to face one’s darkest truths. Shrouded in the moon’s light what can one do but admit to their flaws. It can be a time of rejuvenation and rebirth, only if you let it.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

It was a quiet night.

The full moon hung high in the heavens accompanied by millions of stars. Not a cloud to be seen, an ideal night for passions to run wild. Normally people would be taking out their telescopes or arranging romantic picnics.

Sadly, nights like these only filled Sun Wukong with dread. It was a night like this when he was finally able to return after the Journey. That was the night he learned he had lost a precious treasure.

When he returned, he expected to be greeted by his subjects until Macaque showed himself. He expected to be strangled as the pale furred monkie admonished him for his recklessness. He expected to watch as fury transformed into tearful joy as they embraced one another for the first time in over five hundred years.

But that wasn’t what happened.

The moment he set foot back onto Flower Fruit Mountain, he sensed something was very wrong. Like his previous return trips, his subjects greeted him with loud celebrations. The new mothers showed off their infants. The young ones wasted no time climbing all over him, taking in the scent of their king.

The immortal elders, however, looked concerned.

That was when he realized Macaque’s scent on the mountain was far too faint. Even the magical signature of his clones no longer felt fresh.

Macaque was nowhere to be found. The monkeys reported Macaque had returned a few years after he stopped by the mountain earlier in the Journey but not as his usual self. He didn’t respond to any of their questions. He didn’t even take time to check in on the infants. He didn’t say a word.

He just entered the mansion, but no one saw him leave.

Entering the mansion, Wukong dashed to their room desperate for answers. Opening the doors, he saw the room was horribly empty, sure all of his belonging were exactly as he remembered them, but all of Macaque’s stuff was gone. Macaque’s closet was empty and all his books had vanished. Despite his desperate hopes, there wasn’t any signs of a struggle or hidden messages to be found.

Macaque left of his own free will, but why?

He couldn’t bring himself to sleep in the bed they shared so many nights together. Every time he dared, he awoke expect to be greeted with the comforting warmth of familiar presence, instead he opened his eyes to a cold emptiness.

The lack of answers broke his heart, but he didn’t have time to start tearing the landscape apart trying to find him. Now that he was back for good, he had so many responsibilities to catch up on. He was determined to be a good king for his subjects and that meant ughthinking things through. Plus, he wanted to spend as much time with his master and brothers as possible.

Then there was the concerning fact all his previous allies had severed their alliance with him.

Apparently after all the fuss with the Demon Bull King, word had spread that Wukong broke their alliance by disrespecting protocol and attacking the royal family. Plus, his new position as a defender of humanity annoyed more than a few respectable demons. Combined with the sheer number of powerful demons he killed on the Journey cemented the idea that having an alliance with him would only end poorly.

He was banned from court meetings and the other kings in the surrounding areas wanted nothing to do with him. The chaotic nature of his past had finally caught up to him and in the worst possible way.

He was still recognized as the Monkey King of the Sun Court but was effectively blacklisted. No one wanted to mess with him, but they also didn’t want to interact with him. Not good for his mental health to say the least.

Simians are naturally social creatures. Wukong was used to constantly being around other people and learning new things. His time imprisoned was not kind. His first year of freedom had him constantly climbing over his brothers and master just to reassure himself that this was real.

And now that he couldn’t reconnect with old faces unless it was through a battle to the death…It forced him to delve into old memories. Memories that while sweet only made the emptiness more pronounced.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

Sun Wukong smiled as he watched Macaque’s reaction.

The six-eared monkie was furiously pinching the bridge between his eyebrows after he shattered a boulder with a careless headbutt as though it would make his life mercifully easier. “You’ll have to explain it to me again. What did you mean by ‘no longer under Yama’s jurisdiction’?”

“Exactly what I said. I was napping. Having some time to myself, when out of nowhere some idiots tried to take my soul to the afterlife.” Wukong explained as though having entities of death rip out your soul to drag it to the underworld was no big deal.

“Bet you weren’t happy.” Macaque couldn’t help but smirk at the flippant tone. He just made it so difficult to stay mad.

“Not in the slightest. I barged my way to the top brass, bunch of cowards called the Ten Kings (totally undeserved titles by the way) and demanded what the fuck was going on.” He was still ticked off even if the payoff was sweet. Seriously! Did immortality mean nothing to these cowards? They couldn’t even play it off as him dying in battle. He was in the peak of his youth! “Can you believe they tried to play it off as a misunderstanding? Should have smacked the loudmouth when I was there.”

“So, through a series of ridiculous events, you erased your name from the records of the dead.” Macaque could easily piece together the rest from there. No matter how ridiculous the odds. He learned never to bet against his friend when a problem could be handled with brute strength or intimidation. If it didn’t look like such an answer was possible, clearly, they hadn’t experienced the force of a determined Wukong. Something about facing a ticked off monkie of practically infinite strength and invulnerability left harden conquerors pissing themselves.

It was hilarious.

“Not just mine. In my infinite wisdom, I erased the names of several of the monkey inhabitants of esteemed Flower Fruit Mountain, including yours.” Wukong playfully booped Macaque’s nose.

Turning away to hide a light blush, Macaque scoffed to cover his embarrassing response. “Typical. I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you doing something insane.”

“I know. I’m just that awesome.”

“So what? Are we now double immortal?” That was the question wasn’t it. Due to their master’s instructions, they were immortal and ageless, so what exactly would this give them? He didn’t feel any different. He couldn’t sense any new powers or changes in his instincts.

His counterpart, however, had other things on his mind. “Who cares. All I know is that those idiots have no control over our souls anymore.” And with that the King took his rightful place across Macaque’s lap as the other returned to his scrolls.

Wukong instead took the time to examine his friend, who finally gained enough confidence to fully drop his glamour and embrace his true appearance.

He still couldn’t believe Macaque actually had six ears. The weird part was how natural they looked, almost as if seeing him with only two was bizarre. The coolest part was how each pair softly glowed a different color. Blue. Purple. Red. Sometimes Wukong would just stare at them, imagining that he could see glittering stars emanating from that glow.

Suddenly those magnificent ears twitched. Macaque didn’t bother looking up from the bamboo scroll. “A trespasser...multiple, boar and vulture demon. Another hunting party”.

“Again. Ugh. Don’t these idiots ever give up!” Don’t get him wrong, Wukong loved a good fight. What better way to prove how superior you are to others than to steal what’s most precious to them? But even he was starting to grow bored with the sheer number of hunters that thought kidnapping his subjects was a quick cash grab.

After the fifth army he returned in pieces to the surrounding upstart lords, you’d think they’d take a hint.

Thankfully he wasn’t the only powerhouse on the mountain. “I haven’t tasted blood in a while. Why don’t I defend the kingdom while your highness enjoys a show?” Macaque set aside his reading material, eyes glittering with bloodlust.

Wukong returned the smirk with one of his own. “I’m always up for a good thrashing. One request: make it glorious.”

“Don’t I always.” Macaque joked as he retrieved his spear from his own shadow.

Wukong summoned his cloud and claimed a good vantage point. Once again, he marveled at his friend’s hearing. Judging by the distance it would have been at least three hours before he would have detected their presence.

Kicking back, he transformed some hair into a fruit platter and waited for the screams.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

To this day, Wukong knew Macaque was alive. Thanks to his efforts combined with the intense training, the monkie was double immortal. Besides, that monkkie was way too stubborn to die. He would survive purely on spite if he had to.

Macaque left, but why?

While he may have effectively isolated himself, that didn’t mean he didn’t hear about the other courts. A few centuries ago, he heard rumors about the formation of a new court by someone under the title of the Macaque King. Supposedly they were a powerful monkie who knew way more than he had the right to. For a brief moment, Wukong dared to hope it was his old friend, but it didn’t last. The few recounts he caught described him with black fur. Besides, he knew how much Macaque hated the title of King. Even when Wukong offered him the position as co-ruler of his kingdom, the pale monkie adamantly refused.

Still, he was curious.

For a few weeks he could have sworn he detected a familiar scent hiding underneath Mk’s. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed. A few of the immortal monkeys questioned him on the mango infused scent and what his plans were. It was almost too much to take in.

To think he returned to teach his student instead of showing his face. It hurt just to think about it. He chose to ignore the beckoning scent until it became impossible to ignore MK’s leap in progress. Then it just vanished like it hadn’t been testing his patience. Like it hadn’t brought him to the brink of shaking the kid upside down until he confessed where his old friend was hiding. The kid probably grew wise, or someone told him to change his bathing habits, and by the next training session it was all but gone.

Dragging his hand down his face, Wukong tried to reevaluate his thoughts.

Getting mad at the kid wasn’t going to solve anything. He knew he hadn’t been the most attentive master. Hell, the whole hammer exercise at its core was a desperate attempt to remove a painful reminder of better times. His master would be disappointed in how he was running away from his problems, but would encourage him to take the steps to be better. Zhu Bajie would be a sarcastic little shit, trying to get him riled up so the monkie would prove him wrong. Sha Wujing would sit him down and wouldn’t let him leave until they talked everything through.

He had to make things right with the kid. He deserved a better master. And this New Years he was gonna get one.

He spoke, praying the winds would carry his voice to his Warrior.

“Macaque. I know it’s been a while, but…I-I want to talk. I know you’re out there, somewhere I can’t reach. I miss sparring with you. I miss lazy days napping in the shade by your side. I miss defending the mountain as we held contests to see who could take out the most trespassers before their common sense kicked in. I miss you. Please come home.”

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

The moon was high in the sky. Stars danced in the heavens as the faintest hints of vibrations pulsed through the concrete from the late-night dance clubs. MK lay awake, his mind struggling to make sense of it all.

Ever since Macaque disappeared in order to remain undetected, he kept thinking about his relationship with the Monkey King. Sure, he was being trained and he was definitely making progress. The monkie was still on his case for supposedly cheating on him with another mentor. Nothing MK said or did could make the monkie think otherwise. Thankfully, he was no longer shooting him suspicious glares, but the underlying tension remained.

The sad truth is they just weren’t that close.

He would have expected to learn more about the Monkey King on a personal and emotional level, but he just couldn’t get past that wall. Their training sessions felt more like just the Monkey King arranged just to get it over with. There was no passion at all.

Okay, perhaps that last bit was an exaggeration.

When you peered past the arrogance and pride, you found one socially awkward monkie. It was similar to Red Son the more he thought about it, both seemed to find it difficult to talk to or relate to others in a friendly setting. Sure, Monkey King projected a friendly demeanor and called him “bud”, but if he didn’t know any better he could have sworn the monkie was afraid to take that final step.

The last few sessions had taken a bit of a turn in a positive direction as Sandy would say. Maybe Monkey King decided it was time to make a change? Maybe this was all a trick so MK would lower his guard and reveal Macaque’s identity? Maybe he was just tired and should have conked out an hour ago?

Maybe.

Reality was so different from the legends. When Tang first introduced him to the Monkey stories, he was hooked. He loved listening to the tales of the infamous trickster that flipped off every major religious figure with unbridled confidence. Meeting the Great Sage in the flesh was like a dream come true until he was exposed to the King’s less pleasant tendencies.

Mk couldn’t help but wonder just how much confidence the Monkey King had in his training skills. Did he ever train someone before? Could MK talk to someone about this without appearing even more ungrateful than he already looked? Why didn’t he stop Red Son from unsealing his father when he was there? Why didn’t he simply seal the entire family when they were reunited? Why did the five times immortal sage decide that now he needed to train a disciple? Was Monkey King not telling him something important?

He had so many questions and not even the foggiest idea of where to start looking. Or perhaps he did?

The truth was he missed Macaque. The dark-furred monkie may have only taught him for a month, but the progress he made and the level of care he was exposed to made him feel as though he had finally unlocked the ability to fly.

He missed the regular grooming. He missed learning about the demon community. He missed learning new ways to mess with Red Son through appropriate court manners.

Watching the fire user freeze up at the term “honorable prince of the Iron Bull Court” just made him laugh, when his hair combusted it really matched his face. Now that he thought about it, were those horns starting to peek out of his forehead? And maybe the slightest hint of a tufted tail swiping the bottom of his coat? Seeing the demon frantically compose himself was a treat he didn’t know he needed. He still had the video saved as one of his favorites, didn’t hurt that Mei caught it at the perfect angle.

Oh yeah, he missed that.

With any luck, New Years would be the start of something better.

§~~~~§~~~~§~~~~§

On an island that remained surrounded by unquenchable storms, a single black-furred monkie sat cross-legged in a secluded part attached to the palace. All around him fruit trees and bushes bore a hefty bounty releasing an intoxicating scent of life.

Ears twitched.

Macaque opened his eyes, aroused from his meditation. It was odd. He had the faintest sensation that someone had been talking about him. Now that wasn’t exactly unusual, he made plenty of allies and enemies across the centuries. What was odd was that the voice sounded like someone he once cherished.

But that couldn’t be right.

The deceptive silence of his personal orchard gave him no answers. Not that he really expected it to.

For some reason he refused to identify, Macaque turned to the single peach tree in the grove. A tribute from his past and a reminder of his mistakes. But it was also a valuable resource once he learned the truth about the peach’s properties. He used its powers to protect many happy relationships, if only it could have helped him so long ago.

No matter.

He still had many projects to work on, including one successor just rife with insecurities. He honestly felt bad ducking out as he did. If things were different, he would have offered him a new life. His Stars were always happy to welcome a new member into their budding community.

As a bonus, his presence would have interrupted their constant attempts to set him up with new dates. He adored their efforts but being paired with partners who only wanted power or he would view only as friends was not something he enjoyed. Although watching them mentally destroy those they didn’t find suitable for him was quite entertaining.

Either way, New Years was coming up fast and he still needed to approve a few changes. His Stars were determined to make sure this event topped last years in every way possible, but they had to make sure they didn’t set the orchard on fire again. Or worse, they could launch the fireworks into the storm barrier. He wasn’t sure why or how, but the tornadoes and clouds turned different colors as explosions rang throughout the night.

It was beautiful but lost its charm after the third day.

[vibraniumwing]

breaking point.

a neville longbottom x reader wherein neville finally reaches his breaking point when it comes to you

WARNING: nsfw, 18+ (really, don’t read if you’re not.),dirty talk, light choking, oral (female receiving), semi-public, slight praise kink, unprotected sex and just plain nasty nasty lmao

A/N: look, okay, i have discussed this headcanon with @minty-malfoy​ and @slytherinsunrise​ about how neville is actually a dom underneath his soft and fluffy exterior and i just really wanted to write this akdjaksjf i love vanilla neville but honestly this hc is the death of me.

DO NOT READ UNDER THE CUT IF YOU ARE BELOW 18.

---

There are certain moments in time wherein people make promises to themselves about keeping things hidden from the eyes of the public, that no matter what would happen, they would carry this burden ‘til they’re in the grave.

However, with you acting like this, Neville is finding it hard to keep himself in place.

---

Neville swore himself into secrecy about keeping this alter-ego of his a secret due to the fact that it doesn’t fit the image that the public has set upon him. He knew he was this soft, little angel in the eyes of his friends and those who knew him; little did they know there was a beast underneath that façade of his.

His eyes watched you like a hawk as you travelled to-and-fro, grabbing items to put in your grocery cart as you dragged him all the way to a muggle one since you’ve running low on supplies back at home. 

He studied the way your face would contort into one of seriousness when deciding what brand to buy for pasta sauce, how your shirt would lift up just a bit and expose the soft skin underneath while grabbing things from a certain height and how innocent you looked in that shirt of his you decided to wear on your trip.

It was driving the lad absolutely mad at how gorgeous you looked without even trying and all he wanted to do was to pin you up against one of those shelves and show you how badly he wanted you. But he was stuck in his own restraints—physically and figuratively speaking— so there was no way he could do that.

Also, he just loved you too much to even do so suddenly.

---

You were currently working on dinner, mindlessly stirring as your head moved to the soft music that was playing through the kitchen. It was a rather cold day so you opted to wear or steal one of Neville’s sweaters that was a size too large for you. Your hands quickly moved to tie your hair in a messy bun and continue on with your task.

What you didn’t know, however, was the fact that the owner of the sweater you were wearing was watching you work silently. His jaw clenched shut as he fought with every patience he had to bend you over the kitchen counter and fuck you senseless.

Oh how he wished to do that, but he just can’t, not yet to say the least.

---

Of course, there are secrets that no matter how hard one tries to hide, it’ll uncover itself eventually. Unfortunately, one of those was Neville’s.

You had always thought of the idea that maybe your boyfriend isn’t as vanilla as he always was. You’ve always adored how gentle and caring he was when it comes to your intimate moments with him, how he was always aware of what keeps you over the edge and leaves you wanting for more. 

Yet you had always yearned for something that you don’t have the heart to bring up to the man, until you discovered what lies beneath his innocent little mask.

Coming home from a tiring day at work was never fun, but when you have a loving boyfriend waiting with warm cuddles and kisses, you wouldn’t mind the exhaustion at all; probably even looking forward to come home to that everyday.

However, instead of being greeted by your lovers warm smile, you met with silence the moment you walked into the door. Your eyebrows were furrowed in confusion since he was nowhere to be seen. Lightly making your way up, you heard soft pants come from your room. 

Your mind immediately went to a difference place, getting ready to be greeted by something very heart shattering but instead what you saw was something rather surprising as you peeked through the small opening of the door

It was Neville with his back against the headboard of the bed you both shared, low groans rumbling from his chest as he relieved himself from his stress, accompanied with strings of rather colorful words on how he wanted to make you know who’s in charge inside the bedroom.

Safe to say that scene left you hot and bothered for the rest of the night— and that you might have cooked up a plan on how to make your adorable boyfriend reach his limit.

Then you commenced your plan, wearing more of his shirts and sweaters around the house knowing how much he loves you to see you in them (which sometimes leads to them being scattered on the floor) and by tying your hair in-front of him, grinning at him cheekily when he goes silent by watching you do that.

You’d get a certain reaction from him whenever he catches you doing that, adoring how he’d have this entranced look while watching you and how he’d immediately be flustered after because you caught him. 

But to no avail- he knew how to control his urges and you weren’t having any of it anymore. As much as you love Neville for his patience and respect, you’ve reached your breaking point.

---

Neville was seated beside you with a certain flare in his eyes as you continued to palm him through the fabric of his slacks, his cheeks were flushed as he watched you casually conversed with Hermione from across the table, acting as if nothing was happening from under the table.

The woman had invited the two of you over for a rather fancy dinner and he was already losing his mind upon seeing the white body hugging dress you wore and you were really drawing the line with your discreet actions under the table. 

“Say Neville, are you really planning on teaching back at Hogwarts?” Ron asked, looking at your boyfriend expectantly with a curious grin. You looked over at your boyfriend who adjusted in his seat, “Oh yeah, I do actually. Professor Sprout’s about to retire so I’m planning to take over for her.” He managed to splutter out, adjusting his tie as you slowly quickened your pace against his pants.

As the table moved on to another topic, your boyfriend was quick to lean in and whisper, “Not here, (Y/N)” with a gentle tone, holding on to the last ounce of patience he had. 

You batted your eyelashes at him, a devilish grin plastered on your lips as you shrugged him off, “I have no idea as to what you are even implying, Nev.” you simply replied, retreating your hand from its position as you felt him starting to twitch under the fabric. 

The male threw his head back in annoyance at the sudden interruption of his pleasure before giving you a stern look, voice low enough so that only you can hear, “You know exactly what you’re doing and I swear if you don’t stop that attitude right now you’ll see what you’re in for.” He said, jaw clenched as you laughed at him softly, igniting his frustrations even more.

“Make me, Longbottom.”

And that was enough for the beast inside Neville to let loose, absolutely enraged at the bratiness you were showing him. He cleared off his throat and stood up, “As much as I love this party, me and (Y/N) have to cut the night short. I still have a few things to pack before leaving for Hogwarts.” giving his friends a rather sad smile and glanced at you.

The sudden change in his demeanor has left you wet in-between your legs, your heart racing as you gathered your purse and waved off to your friends. His larger hand instantly found its way to yours as he led you outside the restaurant and into a rather isolated alley and instantly apparated to your shared bedroom. 

He was quick to pin you against the wall, one hand holding both of your wrists above your head as the other was cupping your cheek, thumb swiping on your lower lip as he spoke, “Princess, I know you love me gentle but do you really think you deserve that? After what you’ve done to me?” his hips grinding against yours, feeling how hard he was underneath his pants.

Your breath hitched at the friction, shaking your head as your brattiness faltered all too quickly by the way he was acting, “No Nev, I don’t.” which led to him wrapping his hand around your neck as he lightly pressed down on it. “Don’t talk to me like that.” 

His usual gentle voice was coated with arousal making you moan, “No, sir. I’m sorry for acting like a brat” which made him groan in satisfaction at the way those words rolled out of your mouth. He then captured your lips in a heated kiss, feeling himself let loose as his hand slowly trailed down to the underneath of your dress, his fingers now ghosting over your heat. 

You felt his lips curl up into the kiss, “Aren’t you a dirty little one, you’ve gone the whole night without underwear on?” He teased, middle and ring fingers dipping into your pussy as he left open mouth kisses against your neck, sucking on the skin rather harshly. 

“So wet for me, aren’t you darling?” he whispered, ravelling in the lewd sounds that left your mouth mixed with desperate pants. You bucked your hips into his hands, begging for more friction as you felt your knees slowly start to give out from underneath. 

Neville slowly pulled his fingers out upon feeling your walls tighten around it, making you whine as he licked your essence off his fingers, letting out hum of satisfaction as he locked lips with you again; hand reaching over the back to unzip your dress, letting it pool to your feet, nimble fingers quickly undoing your bra and letting it join the clothes on the floor. 

“So beautiful” He mumbled, stepping away from you as he loosened his tie, “Be a good girl and lay down on the bed, princess.” His tone sends chills down your spine as you lay on the bed, watching him get rid of own clothes, mouth watering as you watch him stroke his length to soothe it from its aching need.. 

He then approached you, licking his lips as he lowered himself, eyeing how your heat glistened against the dim lit room, “So fucking wet for me.” He growled before diving  right into you, tongue dancing around your clit gently he curled two fingers inside of you, causing your hips to buck up in the process, moans escaping your lips which made the male groan. “Keep still, darling.” He said, his other hand gripping on your thigh tightly as he continued.

You tried your best to keep still, panting heavily as Neville continued to fuck you with his tongue and fingers, back arching as your hand was now gripping on his hair, the sensation too overwhelming for you as a familiar knot form once again. 

“N-Nev, I’m close” You said, only making him pump his fingers in and out of you more quickly, humming in approval which sent you into this state of pure bliss as you reached your high, coating his slender fingers with your juice. 

Neville was quick to lap whatever mess you had made, tongue darting out to clean his own digits as crawled up to your eye level, “You were such an angel for me now, weren’t you, princess?” he questioned, thumb brushing against your bottom lip again as you nodded, taking his thumb in-between your lips to suck on in gently as you locked your gaze with him.

His usual soft brown eyes were filled with lust as he positioned himself, expression faltering slightly as he waited for your approval, making your heart flutter at the fact that he still wanted your answer. With a single nod, he thrusted into you, groaning at how tight you were around him. “So.. fucking tight for me, isn’t that right?”

“Y-yes, Nev, all for you.” You answered, hips jolting up at the way he slowly started to move, teasing you lightly as he trudged on with this pace, making you whine, “Faster, Nev, please!”

Neville happily obliged in your request, pace picking up as his lips attacked all the soft spots of your neck, making you a moaning mess underneath him as he soon became relentless with his speed; your lewd sounds making him go wild, his free hand finding its way back to your clit, the pad of his thumb toying on it as he continued to go in and out of you.

Still sensitive from your first high, you quickly felt your second one forming as he kept his pace. “Go on, baby.” With those simple words, you felt your orgasm crash through once again, sending you a wave of euphoria as he rode out your high, eventually coming down from his own high too.

He gently pulled out of you and smiled, kissing your forehead, “Stay right there, alright?” He said, snatching his boxers off the floor and headed off to the bathroom before coming back with a towel in hand, waving it sheepishly. 

“Let me do the work, my love.” He said gently, cleaning you up before taking you into his arms, carrying you into the bathroom where the bathtub was full and ready to use. 

He gently placed you down and helped you hop in, the warmth of the water instantly relaxing your muscles, before situating himself behind you, a shy grin on his lips, a light pink dusting over his cheeks, “I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

You laughed at him softly, shaking your head gently as you sensed his fingers massage your scalp gently, cleaning you off. “No, Nev. You were great.” You answered, leaning into him gently as you teased, “Who knew you had that kind of side, my love?”

Neville chuckled at your words, carefully rinsing you off as he shrugged lightly, lathering his hands with soap as he ran his hands against your soft skin, fingers tracing the marks he’s left, “I’ve always had that side of me, I know that you know that, but I just kept on holding myself back because I didn’t want to hurt you like that.” He answered truthfully, voice laced with gentleness.

You turned to face him with a smile, leaning in to press your lips against his, heart jumping everywhere at how pure his answer was, “You don’t have to hide anything from me anymore since I’d accept you either way, Nev.”

And with that the two of you fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s company as you both got ready for bed once again, Neville doing all the work of changing the sheets and what not before letting you back on the bed and into his arms, peppering your face with a ton of kisses soon afterwards.

“Are you sure that I wasn’t too hard on you, love?” He asked once more, looking at you with a rather guilty look, to which you shook your head, giving him a comforting smile as you placed a gentle kiss on his lips, “You were perfect, my love, trust me.”

You felt him relax against you, holding you closer to his chest as he kissed your lips once more, smiling against them.

“I love you, (Y/N).)” “I love you too, Nev.”

---

TAGS: @theweasleyslut​ @violetravens​ @eunoia-kth​ @starlightweasley​ @minty-malfoy​ @glimmering-darling-dolly​ @slytherinsunrise​

[rawbins-undertale-blog]

This is a slight TW question, so feel no obligation to answer:

How would horrortale Sans react to an S/O with an eating disorder?

TW for eating disorder(s) (nearly only ARFID is spoken about, anorexia is mentioned)

If I missed any tags you think I should've included, please tell me.

This may sound a bit strange, but I’ve actually been wanting to write something for this, specifically because I suffer from an eating disorder. I’m not comfortable writing anything with an eating disorder (or any disorder in general) I personally don’t have, mostly because I don’t have the time to give it the proper research it deserves, so I’ll be writing about a lesser known eating disorder, that being ARFID. Let me explain it so people who don’t know what it is will, uh, know what it is lol

ARFID - also commonly called “Selective Eating Disorder” - stands for Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. A lot of people with it are characterised as being “picky eaters”, but it goes to a point where it’s seriously unhealthy and crosses a line that makes it into something more serious. It has to do with sensory processing issues, rather than self-image issues (though self-image issues could also play a part in it I'm pretty sure, but it’s not the main “motivation”). Most people with ARFID actually wish they could go up in weight, but can’t because they can’t make themselves eat. I, for one, desperately wish I could just eat like a normal person, both because it’s very… not convenient to only have around 20 or less meals I can eat (and that list is slimming down as I grow tired of my safe foods*) and also I’m skinny enough to match Papyrus in looks, which isn’t very confidence-inspiring when you’re supposed to be a human and not a sentient magical skeleton, believe it or not. Whereas a person without ARFID could eat most things, including things they don’t really enjoy eating, somebody with ARFID might not be physically able to. For example, I literally throw up food that I don’t like (and I’ve gagged while eating food I do like due to seeing somebody eat something I don’t like and/or just smelling other food nearby). When I'm to try a new food, I have on more than one occasion gotten anxiety attacks. That’s how bad it can be.

*a "safe food" is food you know you can eat without panicking/throwing up/getting triggered in one way or another

I’ll be basing these HCs off of myself, so keep that in mind. You’re free to point out misinformation (and I, in fact, encourage you to point it out if I somehow got something wrong) but I ask that you stay respectful and don’t make fun of this. I doubt it would happen, but this topic means a lot to me and is really serious. So yeah please don’t be rude or invalidate people. Anyways onto the headcanons (which aren’t in the usual format, sorry if that bothers you)

Dusk (HT Sans) wouldn’t really understand. He’s able to eat pretty much anything (not like he had much of a choice for a while) and food is important… But he’ll try to understand. Especially because he can accommodate you. He’ll be fine eating the same meals, however “boring” they are, over and over because like I said: not a picky eater. Any food is good in his book. So long as you’re not restricting him and his food intake and so long as you aren’t dying from starvation and/or malnutrition, you’re free to do whatever.

It does annoy him when you go to social gatherings and you can’t eat the food because it’s not one of your safe foods. He’s not going to let you just starve yourself when there’s perfectly fine food just waiting for you. Not gonna lie, he’s pretty insensitive the first time this happens. Basically, he’ll pull you over when he notices you’re not eating anything and try to convince you to eat. Starts out really gentle and encouraging, but when you don’t budge he becomes increasingly agitated and insistent until he hisses that you’re making a fuss over nothing. Needless to say, you aren’t thrilled and it starts a pretty serious argument that probably ends with you either leaving, starting to cry or blowing up at him. He feels bad when it’s all said and done and apologises, because he realises after some thought that he wasn’t being helpful and he decided to do more research again. Even if he forgot it all like he did the first time he tried researching ARFID, it would have been worth a shot. After that, he’ll instead pack food with him for you whenever you go somewhere. It doesn’t matter if it’s “socially acceptable”, because like I said, you’re not starving if he’s got something to do with it.

He’ll also, after coming around to realise the best he can do to help you isn’t trying to push you out of your comfort zone forcefully, try to make sure there’s always at least one of your safe foods available. Don’t get me wrong though, he’ll still encourage you to expand on your list of safe foods. He’s got memory issues so he sometimes forgets, which he feels really bad about, but he has multiple alarms set to make sure you eat properly for the most part. (He’s got an alarm for nearly every minute of the day and he has his calendar full of things as mundane as “make sure s/o eats” and “do laundry”, by the way.) I have a tendency to skip lunch because I simply don’t like food, but he’d put a stop to that lol

To summarize, the whole thing with you having an ED starts off with the two of you having a rocky start before Dusk comes around to be really good at handling it.

Anyways sorry if you meant an ED like anorexia. I know most people write about things like that, but like I said: I’m not really up for writing things that I have to pour hours of research into to make sure I portray it respectfully and accurately because I don’t have that time or patience. (Or attention span, tbh.) Also, I literally hadn’t heard of ARFID for like… the majority of my life, I’ve only known it’s a “thing” for like. A few months. I really thought I was the only one who was so picky with my food and it made me feel alone and isolated (ESPECIALLY after I went to a "specialist" (not sure if she was actually a specialist anymore because her technique to get me to eat was to give my a small glass that I'd pour sauce into to try it every time it was served which obviously didn't work lmao) to help me when I was like six and she said she’d “never seen somebody this bad” before not giving me a diagnosis (as far as I know)), so if anybody with undiagnosed ARFID is reading this:

you're not alone. I know it’s difficult to deal with this - it can be humiliating and embarrassing and horrible and terrible in so many ways - but you can do it. It’s so hard, so fucking hard to step out of your comfort zone and try to expand on your list of safe foods, but you can do it. I believe in you. You aren’t alone and you can learn to have a healthier diet, please just try. I’ll be honest in that you’re probably never going to completely overcome this, ARFID is something that likely stays with you forever, but you can make it into a smaller problem. You can turn it into something so much smaller and inconsequential that you won't encounter any more embarrassing situations where you can't eat what you're given. To a point where you won't have to use the excuses "I already ate", "I'm not hungry", etc anymore. It’ll take time and patience, but you can do it. Don’t give up, okay? <3

[zv5x]

It's Pico timeeeeeeee!!!!!!! I always wanted to do some Yan!Pico for this blog, so here we go! I hope you all enjoy!!

Request status : open!

( :̲̅:̲̅:̲̅[̲̅:♡:]̲̅:̲̅:̲̅:̲̅)

Your tortured ears could still hear him calling out your name, even with how far away you were from him. A small part of you knew that you shouldn't have even tried running away, that your efforts were in vein, and you were only tarnishing the trust of the man who could take and give your basic rights at will. But, the other part of you just couldn't ignore that unlocked door you felt he left for you by "mistake".

Pico tried telling you that you were miles from any sign of human society, and that was only if you happened to start running in the right direction after leaving your own personal prison. You forced yourself to think he was just bluffing, just filling you up with lies to discourage any possible escape attempts.

However, no matter your circumstances, no matter where you were or what you were going to do from here on out, you just couldn't stay there anymore. You just couldn't. The feeling of betrayal, isolation, vulnerability, you just couldn't take any of it anymore. You had to get out, get away from him.

Perhaps, in some sick twisted way, Pico was right. Perhaps you trying to escape was in fact futile. Perhaps your future really was with him.

No.

No, you repeated in your head like a broken record, swearing yourself to hell for even considering taking his side for more than a millisecond. He was a monster, and monsters never have good intentions. You already decided that he didn't really love you, even though he told you he did millions of times a day as he looked down at you like you were the most precious thing he had ever laid his eyes on. He had to just be playing with you, like some sick predator toying around with it's prey before he made the final killing blow. The game Pico was playing with you was sick, and you didn't want any part in it any longer.

You could feel that he was getting closer. You could hear the quickness and heaviness of his breath and the way he called out your name oh so desperately. Like you were being carried away by some third party and hauled away to a slaughterhouse. In all honesty, you'd much rather be in a place like that than be subjected further to Pico's sickeningly sweet affectionate gestures.

Suddenly, in a split second, as Pico sprinted quicker than he was before, he held out his arm in a motion you could not see. There was a loud popping noise, sounding similarly to that of a firework, and then you stumbled to the ground. Pico followed quickly behind, of course. He rushed to your side and crouched down to your level as the pain just started settling in. You looked over at where the pain seemed to be coming from, and your teary eyes widened as you saw the disturbing sight of red oozing from a hole in your ankle. Pico swore under his breath, quickly picking you up and throwing your body over his shoulders. Instinctively, knowing Pico was far more than just a simple threat to you, you banged on his back with your fists and thrashed and kicked with the only leg you could move (even though the pulsating pain in your ankle made such movements simply agonizing).

He shot you. That mother fucker shot you.

"Fuck, (Y/N)..." Pico sighed, his voice sounding more strained than it usually did. "Why can't you just fucking listen to me?!" Pico said, taking all the punches and kicks better than you expected him to. He was keeping a snake-level grip on you, which was impressive considering the circumstances.

Quiet sobs left your throat as Pico rubbed your back and gently shushed you. Your body seemed to fall limp, as you lost all will to fight him any more. It was over. You had your chance to escape, and you used it stupidly forgetting Pico carried an uzi around him all the time like a mother to a newborn. None of this was your fault of course, but you couldn't help but imagine how else this could've gone down with a little better planning and preparation. The thoughts only increased the sound of your sobs, which only made Pico's stress worse at the moment.

You could barely hear him mumble an apology to you, citing that everything was just to test if you really were loyal to him like you promised, and although he was saddened by the result he would still continue to love you unconditionally. It was the last thing you heard, before the pain in your ankle and the constant trauma your brain was desperate to have a break from lulled you off to a strangely comforting sleep.

You woke up with a slight ringing in your ears, though that quickly faded in favor of hearing pacing footsteps across the echoey basement floor. You internally sighed, as you had just gotten the privilege of upstairs access. Granted, being allowed upstairs should be considered a damn near basic human right, but you were in Pico's world now rather than your own. And in Pico's world, anything is justifiable if you lace your atrocities with half-assed "I love you"'s and "I'm sorry"'s.

Pico glanced over to you as he heard you groan, the chain that he apparently put on your leg making a slight jangling sound as you tried to stretch. He walked over to you and sat down on the floor, his face just about a foot away from yours.

"You know why you're here, right?" It was a simple question, and Pico would be satisfied with a weak nod or so, but you couldn't help but express your distaste for the situation, so only a muffled "go fuck yourself" seemed appropriate. Pico only hummed, brushing hair out of your face and arching an eyebrow at your pained, but still determined expression. "You're here because you won't listen. I didn't ask anything of you. All I wanted to do was keep you safe. There's a lot of people out there who wanna hurt you, you know? There's a lot of people who wanna hurt me. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I didn't do anything to keep you safe."

Pico was never one to trail off and leave his sentences long, but he couldn't help himself. You deserved at least some kind of an explanation, especially after you're being faced with the man who just shot you. In his defence, it was only in the ankle and it was only to stop you from running, but still.

"P...Pico...ple-" Your hoarse voice was cut as Pico placed a single finger against your lips and shushed you oh-so gently, your only response being a tiny whimper.

"You don't say a word doll, just let me take care of everything from now on. I'm gonna keep you safe, I promise..." Pico smiled a bright smile, which was the absolute last thing you expected from someone like him. "I love you, (Y/N)."

You were too stunned to speak, and his smiling lips twitched. "(Y/N), I love you." You gave him a weak smile back, and closed your eyes.

"I love you too Pico, thank you, for everything..."

Your throat burned at the words being spoken, but you spoke them with hope. Hope that maybe someday, somehow, there'd be a sliver of light at the end of this tunnel, and you'll live to see another sunrise without Pico.

Sure, it was nothing more than grainy aspirations and shattered dreams, but it was enough to keep you going, and that was something you appreciated to your core.

[iguessilovebakugou]

In Search of Silver Linings, We Discovered Gold ||  Bakugou x Fem!Reader (x Shinsou) ||  Happier pt 3 ||  Series

I really feel like Sleeping At Last’s “Two” resonates with Shinsou in this one.  But also for the Reader towards Bakugou just like...in general.  Also, I would suggest Gang of Youth’s “Achilles, Come Down” as well. And Lauren Aquilina’s “Fools”. 

One day I’m going to make a playlist for this fucking series - and then you bitches will be sorry.  

I’m sorry it took so long to get this part out.  I feel like nothing I would write would live up to what I did 2 years ago now.  So I really hope that people like this one just as much as the others. 

Part One!  Part Two!

Word Count:  7.7K TW:  Smooching, Death Mention

“Hey, you okay?”

It should be so easy to explain to them what you were feeling.  They where there with you.  They went through the same thing you had, right?  You were right there with Ochaco, sat right by her side and watched her tell Mr. Aizawa...you should be able to just...

“Yeah,”  You offered Asui a bright smile.  “Just...tired.  These make up classes are just...they’re really killer, you know?”

The dorm had been quiet by the time the raid team had made their way home from their extra classes. Everyone had already gone to bed, the common area devoid of life by the time you had settled on the couches. And you were happy for it.  Ever since...well, it had been a bit harder to be around everyone.  It was hard to come to terms with the fact that after everything that had happened, happened.  And you were supposed to just...move on from it.  Keep going forward.  No time to process.

You pulled out your phone to check your messages.  You had hoped Shinsou would have at least texted you - but you had been left on read.  You tried not to be upset about it and instead, pretended to go to another app and check your messages there.  You even got comfortable and put an arm behind your head - yep, perfectly relaxed and not at all wanting to break down on the inside.  

Tsu’s big bright eyes stared down at you.  You wondered if she felt the same - if Kirishima, Izuku or Ochaco felt the same.  You wondered if sometimes, during class, they just lifted their heads, looked around at your classmates and felt...so out of place.  The only way you could describe it was like stumbling in the middle of a skit being performed in the middle of a park, and no one seemed to quite realize you weren’t actually an extra.

But you didn’t want to run the risk of looking at her.  If she looked at you, she might realize that you hadn’t come to terms with what happened - with Nighteye, Lemillion, with that poor girl, Eri.  And that wouldn’t do.  That might lead into her asking what was wrong.  And what were you supposed to do then?  Answer her honestly?  Come to terms with your feelings like a rational, level headed adult?

You?  Nah. Never.

“Yeah, you’re right.”  Once you were certain her back was towards you, you risked a glance in her direction.  

Your body ached, your eyes were sore, and your mind felt blank but busy at the same time.  You weren’t sure where to begin with everything, where to start with trying to catch up.  But this had become your norm, and as sad as it was, it felt like your body was accommodating to the drama that had become commonplace in your life.  You watched as she met Ochaco at the base of the steps leading up to the rooms.  She seemed surprised when you didn’t move to join them, turning to give you a concerned glance and a lip pout - for extra measure.  

You smiled, lifting up your phone and giving it a little wave.  “I think I’m just going to hang out down here before heading to bed.”

“Oh,”  She muttered softly.  “Okay, if you’re sure?”

You knew she wasn’t buying the act - whatever it was - in the slightest.  You knew Nighteye’s death hit her hard.  A lot harder than you.  As it should have - you had tried to use your quirk to defend her and Nighteye, only to be overpowered and rendered unconscious when it mattered most so you weren’t technically cognizant when she had made her getaway.  But it must have been terrible, holding a man in your arms as he died.   And yet here you are moping about it.  What gives you the right?

“Yeah, I’m sure.”  Another smile, this time a little wider.  “Got some videos to watch, don’t want to run the risk of waking anyone up.”

You turned, ending the conversation there.  You stared at your phone, sitting on the home screen and not bothering to look back once you heard them make the ascent up the stairs to their respective rooms.  It had been getting harder and harder to sleep these past few days and you couldn’t spend another restless night staring at the same four walls anymore.  Watching the same videos, rereading the same texts, you would go insane.  With an exasperated sigh, you tossed your phone to the side.  Hands found your face, fingers rubbing your eyes while reclining back, letting out a slow, low groan.

The lights in the common room were dim, just enough to find your way in case you stumbled down here in the middle of the night.  It was a small comfort, you figured to yourself, to have this moment alone.  To sit in the quiet and listen to the sounds of your friends around you, of the dorm settling snuggly down for another night’s rest.  And there you were, sitting by yourself in the common room.  Trying to decide if you were still mourning for a man you spoke to maybe a handful of times before you watched him get impaled on a spike or if you were ready to move on from it all.  Your head fell back limply against the edge of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as you tried to push any semblance of thought from your mind.  You just needed this one minute, one second for your entire world to just...stop running away from you.

If I could just get to him in time, maybe I could, I could help.  I could save him and be a hero and...

God, how dramatic could you get.  At least you hadn’t held the man in your arms as he lay dying.

With a sigh, you sat yourself back up and went back to your messages, pulling up the chat with Shinsou.  You hoped he was free.  Maybe even free enough to talk.  The empty feeling finding home in your chest was becoming too much.  You could use him, right now.  Maybe you could convince him to leave and come over.  You could watch a movie and just talk until you passed out.

Like friends did.

And if he was there, maybe it would so much easier to stay asleep. 

Hey.  We just got home.  Hope you’re...

Nope, delete.  Didn’t sound right.  

Hey!  You free right now?  I can’t sleep so

Nope, too eager.  

Shinsou, you loser get your ass over here

Nothing was coming out the way you wanted it to.  Nothing had ever sounded right.  You had so many things you wanted to say and yet never seemed to have the energy for it anymore.  Is this depression?  Do you have depression?  Do people who have depression know they have depression without being diagnosed with depression?  

You bit your lip, chewed on it until it grew sore and red and angry.  You needed your friend.  Your best friend.  Your only friend.  You missed hanging out with him, missed being able to text him weird shit and get a selfie of him looking bored at the camera just cause he knew it would make you laugh.  Cause you knew the weird shit you sent him made him laugh.  You wanted to see his face, to hear his voice.  You wanted it to go back before the dorms, back before whatever extra curricular thing he was doing.  But it wasn’t like he was doing this on purpose!  He was busy and you were just being fucking dramatic and needlessly stupid you didn’t even see Nighteye die but Deku did and he is holding himself together so much better and you would be okay if...if...

Why were you fucking crying now???????

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

“Hey.”

Given the recent events in your life, his gruff voice shattering the quiet of your isolation should have been expected.  Nevertheless, it still sent your heart skyrocketing into your throat.  You thought everyone had gone to bed and you could be a miserable wretch on your own time.  You jumped, sending your phone clattering to the ground and sliding under the coffee table.  The giant...granite...coffee table.  “Ah, shit, shit...”  You fell to your knees, trying to make a grab for it.  “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

“I thought I would find you down here.”

Shinsou had hardly heard from you since the night you got back from the raid.  He had seen the news that something had happened.  When you didn’t answer his morning text, he just hoped you were just being your normal self.  When you didn’t show up at lunch, he feared the worst.  He paced his room, hardly ate, did nothing but refresh his news feed to see if your name flashed by as a causality.  He figured no news was good news but waiting to hear from you was the hardest thing he ever had to do.  And the fact you hadn’t told him you were going in the first place and had to find out about it by overhearing one of your classmates mention it?

Ample payback it seemed.  Secrets had become your duo’s new norm - and he hated it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We were told not to say anything to anyone.  I’m sorry, Shinsou.”

Your voice had sounded so off, so different in what little words you spoke.  Silence had never been so poignant until he experienced it from you.  As he laid in bed and stared at the phone on his pillow, his heart broke with each toss and turn he could hear from you.  He sat quietly, for that whole 2 hours as you tried to make sense of what you had just been through that day.  But you never said more than a few words and, even so, those were just a mask to hide the rest of the truth you wanted to keep hidden.  He listened, patiently, as you tried to place it all in order so you could begin to move past it.  

He hoped he had helped - in what little way he could.  In what minute way you had allowed him.  You were closing off and he so desperately wanted to cry out for you.  But he stayed quiet.  

And he felt entirely useless. 

He didn’t know exactly what happened; only what little information he had heard from Mr. Aizawa and even that had been bits and pieces.  Confidential, he said.  Bullshit, Shinsou thought.  If he was going to try to begin to figure out a solution to...whatever it was that plagued you, to lift your spirits, he needed to know exactly what happened.  But, when Shinsou had asked if you had been involved, if you were alright...?

“You’re friends with her, right?  She didn’t really seem to want to talk about it when I asked her after the fact.  But I figure that’s just because I’m her teacher.  Maybe you should be the one to check in on her instead.  She might actually open up to you.”

Open up to him.  

And that was the problem wasn’t it?  Something that always seemed to stand right between the two of you, pushing you in separate directions - opening up to each other.  It was a thought that occurred to him as he watched you spin your spoon around in your soup, but refused to eat.  The two of you had no problems talking, especially you.  You talked a lot, and he...didn’t.  You suited him fine.  More than fine.  

But what is talking if you’re not saying anything?  What was the point of being friends if you couldn’t even rely on each other to keep a secret, to lean on each other when everything seemed so fucking terrible.  Had he done you a disservice, hiding things from you?  Had he given you the impression that you couldn’t come to him for something so small as a crush on...ah, for something really small?  Had you transitioned from “don’t want to bother him with something silly” to “I can’t talk to him anymore period”?

Shinsou had always been the more straightforward one.  Where you seemed to be an endless supply of needless conversation and seemed to always dance around subjects, Shinsou was the one who could give it to you as plainly as possible.  And you knew that.  You knew him better than anyone, could understand him better than anyone.  

So when he didn’t give it to you as honestly, as plainly as he could have, it would stand to reason that you would be sent tumbling.

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

The text had come as a surprise.  Shinsou had been trying to sleep, but it was a rare commodity those days.  His mind swirled with thoughts of you.  Of how much he missed just you.  Your laugh, your stupid jokes.  Everything was starting to feel so hollow when he heard that soft ding from across the room.  To say he scrambled towards his desk where the phone lay charging was an understatement.  

I really miss you.

You were screaming for him and he hadn’t heard it.  You were sinking further and further and yet here he was, wondering and waiting for some sort of sign on what to do.  How he could fix it - but later.  He’s not strong enough now.  He’s not ready.  After he’s done with Aizawa.  After he’s a hero.  After after after.  Always cautious, always testing the waters.  

I just wish you were here.

You never waited, never paused, never hesitated.  When Bakugou was kidnapped, you rushed home and came up with a plan of action.  When you wanted to talk to him, you marched from your dorms, almost got into a fist fight, just to talk.  You were reckless in all the best ways.  In all the ways that made him want to scream, to touch you, to praise you, to love...to love you.

“I would be able to sleep if you answered your phone once in a while.”

He gripped his phone and hated that he had to draw one hand up to wipe his eyes.  Hated that his chest ached and hated that you even had to ask him.

“I wish you would have answered me.”

No more.  You would never have to ask him again.

He couldn’t pull his shoes on fast enough.  Before Shinsou could stop, rethink if this was a good idea, he was outside and making his way towards your dorm.  If he couldn’t help you now, when you needed it the most, when you were asking for him to pull you out from the waters...

His heart didn’t have the right to ache for you as much as it did. 

The two of you had done this so many times, Bakugou was surprised that you weren’t in the kitchen when he finally got down stairs.  The moment he got to the ground floor and saw you hunched over on the couch, his body froze.  

He had been hoping to have a bit more time to think of what he wanted to say.

“Is it just me, or has she not been the same since coming back from the raid?”

“No, I noticed it too.”

“Should we ask her about it?”

The frog grew quiet for a moment.  Bakugou had to strain to hear her response from down the hall.  “I think she’ll open up when she’s ready.”  She said softly.  “If we try to push the issue before then, it might just make matters worse.”

“Yeah,”  Uraraka responded, “I guess you’re right.  Still...I’m just worried.”

Worried.  For you.  

He didn’t want to think about why he was down in the commons, so late at night.  He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that seeing your shaking shoulders, hearing the fast gasps you were making, ripped his very state of being apart.  He watched you, eyes narrowed.

He didn’t like it.  He didn’t like that you were in this state at all.

“Hey.”

He expected you to jump - it was a good thing that you did.  He would drag you out of whatever rut you were in, kicking and screaming if he had to.  

You got to your knees, cursing under your breath and scrambling for whatever you had been holding.  Probably your phone.  Bakugou stepped around the couch, shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Figured I would find you down here.”

You didn’t pay him any attention.  In fact, as you tried to reach under the coffee table, you kept your head turned - enough to where he couldn’t see your face.  You kept cursing, kept trying to reach desperately.  He watched you for a moment, feeling the frustration rise up inside of him.  You were ignoring him.  Like he wasn’t even there.  Like he wasn’t standing in front of you.

“Hey!”

“SHHH!”  You snapped to attention, pressing a finger to your lips.  He tried not to stare for too long.  “Do you want to wake the whole dorm!?”

“You should be in bed.”

Your stare lingered on him, for just a moment.  He refused to break eye contact first, refused to back down from the daggers you were sending his way.  You let out a huff, going back to searching for whatever it was that you had dropped.  “Couldn’t sleep.”

Bullshit.  He could tell.  It was a fact that he didn’t like to pay much attention to: tiny mannerisms that caught onto his attention like a hook.  You generally were so bright, hardly ever short.  Low energy, but not tired?  Sure.

He waited another minute.  “The others just got home.”

The slight pause.  Heh - you were like a book.  So easy to read.  “Oh.”  You said so matter-of-factly.  In another beat, you were back to searching, still focusing your gaze on the far side of the wall.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“So unless you got sent back early, I doubt you’ve even had a chance to try and sleep.”

Your fingers clenched, your fist shaking against the granite top.  Your body pulled up and away, resting in a rigid position.  But you were still refusing to look at him; in fact, to ensure that he wouldn’t be able to see anything,  you put your face in your hand.  Still, you didn’t say a word, didn’t argue with him.  So he continued:  “I’m just saying, if you’re going to lie, at least keep track who you tell what.”

You didn’t respond.  And he wished it didn’t make him as angry as it did.  He wished that he had been able to stop the rage that bubbled in his stomach.  But he couldn’t.  He didn’t want you to hide anything from him.  He wanted you to feel comfortable telling him when something was hurting you.  After he laid it all bare for you a few weeks ago, you couldn’t be bothered to at least confide in him what the hell was going on in your tiny little world?

“...tch.”  Bakugou fingers slid under the edge of the coffee table.  “Grab the other side.”

You paused, turning to stare at him.  His eyes met yours and he saw so clearly how blood shot they were, your cheeks blotchy and burning.  You sniffled once, pushing a strand of hair back into place.  “Uh...wha?”

“Do you want your crap or not!?”

“Oh, yeah, uh...”  You pushed yourself up.  His eyes followed you as you stationed yourself on the other side like instructed.  “On three.  One-”

He didn’t bother waiting.  Up he lifted and you scrambled to meet him half way.

Just a little to the side - and the bright screen of your phone illuminated the living room.  It was closest to him, causing him to flinch just slightly when the glow blinded him.  He moved to grab it for you -

Before Bakugou could realize what was happening, your fingers brushed against his.  You both paused, your digits flinching away from him every so slightly.  He didn’t know if he should continue making the grab for it or if he should pull away.  He didn’t want to.  Your skin was so soft and warm and...

He could feel your eyes on him and almost was able keep his gaze away.  Almost able to hold off temptation.  But you were like that, weren’t you?  The light had dimmed, casting a soft glow over your features.  He wanted to look anywhere else - anywhere but at you.  But your eyes held his, demanded that he hold your attention.  He hated the soft sound that escaped him.  Hated the way his heart hammered in his chest as you stared at each other, fingers still touching ever so slightly.  

He shouldn’t feel this way about you.  But he did.

Bakugou pulled back with a grunt.  He could feel your eyes follow him as he stood back up and stepped away, away from you.  Why did you do this to him?  Why did you manage to make him the worst of himself?  Lord Explosion Murder - reduced to a sniveling little puppy, eager to please because a girl he kind of thinks is pretty sometimes makes him feel like he’s going to throw up.  

His fingers shook.  He shoved them back in his pockets to hide the evidence.

You plucked the phone off the ground and immediately hit the lock screen to turn the light off.  You were once against standing alone in the dark, though he could see you plainly.  Neither of you said a word.  He wished he could say something, not scream it but just say it.  His mind strained to find something meaningful to say to you, something catching or just enough to keep you distracted from your thoughts.  But you had the knack for words - he didn’t.  All he could do was leer at you, waiting for you to start conversation.  You always had something to say.  

You silently slipped your phone in the pocket of your skirt.  

There was something different about you.  A wall that was keeping you from him.  Maybe the girls’ concern for you had weight behind it.  You still didn’t look at him, eyes downcast.

He had hoped, that night in the kitchen, that things might have been different.  That maybe...someday...

“You got your damn phone.  Now go to bed.”  He turned on his heels and made his way back towards the stairs.  He was done.  He helped you out enough.  

Sometimes you were too much.  Messed with his head and pulled his mind in so many different directions, he forgot which way was up because right there with you was where he wanted to be. 

“Why do you want to be a hero?”

Your voice cut through the silence of the dorm like a knife.  He hadn’t expected you to speak up now, though it fit you.  Question, make him stay; just when he decided to leave.  And of course, because you asked him to stay - he would.

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Humor me.”

He regretted coming down here to talk to you.  He should have just stayed in the comfort of his room.  “Why?”

“Humor.  Me.”  

His eyes narrowed.  Even if you wrapped yourself around him, brought him to his knees and groveling in your steps, no one spoke to him like that.  He spun around, snarl behind gritted teeth.  Who the fuck did you think you were talking to?

Then he paused.

You were watching him and the hollow expression on your face shoved the rage back down into his stomach.  With just a glance, you quelled that fury.  Another noise, another shock. Then your eyes softened and your shoulders slumped.  You remembered where you were, who you were talking to...no...no, you had never been afraid to talk to him like that.  Never afraid to meet his attitude head to head.  So what was different now?  “Please,” You added on, quietly.

What the hell happened to you?

Why did he want to be a hero?  

“To be number one.”

“Is that it?”

I don’t know anymore.  He didn’t like this line of questioning.  Bakugou was a smart kid - he could tell this conversation wasn’t going to be like the last one the two of you had.  No tea, no gentle touches.  The wounds were infected now and he felt shame burrow deep.  You had something you wanted to say, but something else was keeping it trapped, holding you back from being honest with him.  “What are you getting at?”

You fell quiet, letting his eyes take you in.  With a sigh, you turned and sat back down on the couch.  Your body folded in on itself, your hands grasping your arms, shaking fingertips digging into the fabric of the white dress shirt you were wearing.  “Nothing.”  You said finally.  “Just...thinking.  About things.”

You thought a lot about a lot of things.  Perhaps a little too much for too long.  You were receding back into your thoughts, pulling away from him again.  While he didn’t enjoy the feelings that being around you brought, losing you to your own headspace wasn’t something he would do tonight.  Or...any night.  His feet carried him back to the couch.  With a groan he sat down beside you.  “Well, then say it out loud.”

You let out a laugh that sounded too much like a sneer.  “Yeah.  Okay.”

It took everything in him to not reach out and grab you.  “I’m being serious.”

“I know.”

He just wanted to fucking help you.  “So tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

Like you had helped him.  “Whatever the hell that’s going on.”

A moment passed before you pulled your eyes back to his.  Finally, you were back in the present - back in that room with him.  Suddenly, you were aware that he had stationed himself beside you, so close your arms were a breath away from each other.  And there was a moment of panic in your eyes.  

You smirked, “Oh, are you playing therapist now?”

“Shut up!”  He bellowed.  “And tell me what the hell is going on before I change my mind!”

Your laugh was bitter, but it was something.  You used your hands to push your hair back out of your eyes, “...okay.”  You started...then fell quiet again.  He could hear you swallow the regret, the shame, the fear.  He watched as you struggled to put to words everything spinning around you.  “I don’t think I belong here.  At all.”

There were a million things Bakugou would have thought you could have said.  That...wasn’t one of them.  He had never thought of you not here.  What would that look like?

“I look at everyone here: Kirishima and Uraraka and Tsu and Deku...and I just can’t seem to find a place to put myself.  Among the rest of our class.”  His brows furrowed as you spoke.  He watched as your expression shifted with each word - angry and bitter and lost and upset.  “Like, you all are able to keep your heads held high, keep looking forward and never seem to let things drag you down.  I...I just don’t think I can do that.  So...”  You shrugged, swallowing harshly.  “Maybe I don’t deserve to be here if I can’t handle it...not like everyone else can.”

This wasn’t about the raid - that was just a catalyst.  It obviously struck a chord with you.  

“That’s stupid.”  

Another laugh.  This one tear filled but honest; and so, so bittersweet.  “Yeah.  Yeah, you’re absolutely right.  It’s pretty pathetic, huh?”

“No, you idiot.  It’s stupid because you’re wrong.”

You stared at him, mouth agape.  Then, in a second, your eyes narrowed, your lips thinned and your expression darkened.  He couldn’t help but feel the pride bubble in his chest:  You had realized you weren’t going to avoid this.  Not with him.  Not when he could help you.  He closed his eyes, figured it best to keep you out of his sight until he finished.  

“Look, you moron.  If you want to be angry or sad about whatever the hell happened back there, fine.  Do it.  But what good is wallowing in your own self pity if you’re not going to do anything about it?!”

Your voice shook as you spoke.  “Okay fine - then what should I do, Bakugou?”

His eyes snapped open, lips parted in surprise at the question.  There was an edge to your expression, daring him to answer.  Daring him to suggest something.  Blow it up?  Yell at it?  Fight it until it gives up?  But where would you start?  It wasn’t a real person - you couldn’t threaten it to back down.  Eyes scoured the floor for a response, searched desperately to find something - a strand of advice - to give you.  But he had nothing.  

“Yeah,”  You moved, pushing yourself off the couch.  You snatched your bag with such force it almost swung around and hit him in the face.  “That’s what I thought.  You don’t have an answer either.”

Shit.  Shit. He watched you as you skirted past his legs, intent on burying everything again.  If he let this go - let you go - you might actually do it.  You might actually leave UA - leave everyone in Class 1-A, leave your dream, leave...him. 

“It’s fine.”  You added, making your way towards the stairs.  “I’ll be fine.”

But he knew that was a lie.  Everything about this situation was a lie.  You wouldn’t be fine if he let you go upstairs, left you along with those thoughts of inadequacy, and if you kept falling lower and lower...?

“Hey.”  

You paused in front of the elevator...then pressed the button, it’s soft white glow sending panic down Bakugou’s spine.  The only thing he could see of you in the dark was the back of your head, the way your chin dipped just so lightly to your chest.  You weren’t going to respond if he didn’t do something.  He didn’t want this conversation to end - not like this.  What would All Might say?  What would Kirishima say?  What would Deku say?

What would you say?

“You never told me:  Why did you agree to go on that raid?”

There was a moment of pause before you turned and glanced over your shoulder at him.  There was a confused expression on your face, your eyes scanning him to try and figure out just what he was playing at.  “I told you why I wanted to be a hero.”  It was a challenge.  Stay and face this.  “Now tell me why you went on that stupid raid.”

“Don’t get too worked up about this.”  Mr. Aizawa - no, Eraserhead - had said.  “The Big Three are one thing:  They’re strong enough to hold their own out there with the Pros.”  He called you all out by name.  Asui, Uraraka, Kirishima and you.  “You didn’t volunteer for this and you’re not obligated to participate.  It’s your call.”

It had been your call.  Your decision.  The Pros wouldn’t have shoved you into a situation you weren’t ready for.  The four of you had known that it was not necessary for you to go above and beyond what you had already done.  It was going to be dangerous, and you needed to not only be physically capable, but mentally as well.  

You should have waited, weighed the odds, thought about it for a moment longer.  

Your call.  Your choice:  Save a little girl who was in danger or back down.  Be a Hero or refuse to answer the call.

Well...the choice was simple than wasn’t it?

You hadn’t been capable.  You screwed up.  Once again jumping deeper into a situation than you should have.  You weren’t like your friends.  

You weren’t like them at all.

“Mr. Ai- I mean, Eraserhead!  After everything we just heard, I can’t imagine not helping out, sir!”

Someone who could raise their head and keep it held high.  Who could look danger in the eye and refuse to back down.

“Yeah, if you’re going to let us be apart of this, I’d like to pitch in however I can!”

Who saw someone and danger and threw themselves into the line of fire.  Who reached out a hand and kept holding on, long past the last scrap of energy was gone. 

"If I can use my power to help that girl even a little bit, then count me in Eraserhead!”

They were heroes.  You weren’t like them.

You stood up, nodding earnestly.  Your look was stern, your eyes hard as you looked at Eraserhead.  You were equals - at least in this moment.  “Yeah,  heroes save people - so I’ll do my best to make sure that girl is safe!”

You could feel Bakugou’s eyes pick you apart and put you back together.  Looking at him made you sick, made you want to crawl into yourself and rot.  But...with a soft sigh, your eyes casted up, trying to keep the tears from falling again.  You had thought you had done all your crying.  God, his face in the dark was a slight comfort.  His eyes practically glowed in the low light of the common room.  His dark t-shirt hung around his shoulders, his hair was a wild mess, sticking up in every direction.  And he just watched you.  No malice, no rage, just...waiting.  

Waiting for your answer.  

Why did you agree to join the raid?

To save that little girl.  Because that’s what heroes do. 

But...

“After my fight with Deku, you sat with me.  You didn’t have to do that either. So why?”

Arms gripping your hoodie, squeezing you for dear life.  His whole body trembled under your touch.  Tears as he begged for forgiveness that you couldn’t give him.  But you wanted to - because it would mean his pain would be put at ease.  If you couldn’t give him what he needed, what he longed for, you would at least be there for a moment longer than the tears would fall.  You just needed him to know he wasn’t alone.  You needed Katsuki Bakugou to know you were there for him, no matter what.

“And with the League attack?  You weren’t with Kirishima and them.  You went off on your own, to try and save me.  Why?”

They wouldn’t see how hard he worked.  How much he wanted to be a hero.  And if they hurt him, if he refused and the villains hurt him?  If they took that away from him…?  All of his hopes and dreams?

No.  No, you weren’t going to let that happen.  

You had to bite you lip to keep it from shaking.  Bakugou was listing off all your fuck ups as if they mattered.  As if they were helping his case.  As if they were something you should be proud of.  You considered telling him, making him aware that even in those moments, you still failed:  you got knocked out during the raid, during the fight with the villains, and that you hadn’t done much besides give him a hug in the kitchen.  You weren’t doing much.

Deep breath, look away.  His face was too much.  It was too honest, trying to grab at you and hold you still.  He could almost convince you that you did something besides hinder those who had a better chance of being a Hero.

“You do half the shit you do because you’re a good person.  You want to help people.”  Movement caused you to glance his way.  He turned to sit back down on the couch.  “As stupid as it is, I guess it’s pretty admirable.”

‘Pretty admirable’?  He - Katsuki Bakugou - thought it was admirable.  You opened your mouth, but after a long moment of silence found you had nothing to say, so you closed it again.  You hated that even without speaking, you were losing this fight.  “So does everyone else.”  You replied weakly.  It didn’t make you special.  It didn’t make you any different.

“That so?”

“Yeah.”

“Than wouldn’t that mean you belong here with all the other losers looking to be a Hero to protect people?”

Ding!

Behind you, the elevator opened.  

A soft gasp escaped your chest.  So...that’s what he was doing.  Leave it up to him to talk you around into a circle before shoving your argument back into your face...no, he hadn’t been nearly as harsh as you had expected.  He was speaking so softly to you, being as gentle as he knew how - which granted, wasn’t much, but appreciated none the less.  One shouldn’t look a gift explosion in the mouth.  

You looked at the elevator over your shoulder, stared at it’s open doors.  

You let them shut.

For the first time since that raid, you smiled.  Really, honestly smiled.  You set your bag down against the wall.  The walk back to the couch was the lightest you had felt in a long while.  You sat down next to him, resting your hands on your knees and one by one, you tapped your fingers against your skin.  With a deep breath, you felt your shoulders relaxed.  You weren’t surprised he was able to help.  “I guess...technically...using that logic...you’re not wrong.”

Bakugou scoffed, closing his eyes and tossing his head back.  “Of course I’m not wrong.”

You chuckled, shaking your head.  “How could I have ever thought to argue with you? Truly a futile effort to begin with.”

His smirk was quick, a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth before he grunted and looked away.  The prickly exterior he generally used to conceal himself was growing back into place and you couldn’t help but laugh.  You had been so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you almost forgot how much he made your heart skip.  As you looked over his profile, you realized that you were entirely thankful for Bakugou and not just in that moment.  You had been so stuck in your pit, sinking lower and lower that you didn’t think you’d ever get out of it.

But like everything, he broke the glass ceiling and shot through.  Only this time, he snatched you up and pulled your head to the surface.  Even if for a moment, you could breathe because he was holding your head above the water.  

You leaned over and bumped his shoulder with yours, nudging him warmly.  He ruined expectations again by waiting a moment before doing it back to you.  

He was so warm, his skin amazingly soft.  It lit your chest aflame and your cheeks grew pink - but you didn’t move.  The two of you leaned against each other but said nothing about it.  How did you find yourself here?  You had been close to him before but this was different in a way that didn’t seem to make any sort of sense.  And...you kind of like that it didn’t.  Because it didn’t have to.  You realized that sometimes, when it was just the two of you, as few as those “sometimes” may have been, you simply wanted it to just...be.  

You shouldn’t want to be so close to him, not now.  Would it be in poor taste?  Would he think less of you if he knew?  Did he know?  Did he feel the same way?  You were certain that if he looked over at you, looked into your eyes he would...at least see something.  You weren’t sure exactly what it was, but it was enough to cause your knees to knock and your chest to ache.  And you wondered if he would see how much your fingers longed to reach out and touch his body, draw him close and...  

But that didn’t matter.  Not now. 

You looked down at your hands.  If you...wanted to try...wanted to see if...this was something you could have, you would have to take the first leap.  Bakugou wasn’t going to do it.  He wasn’t going to be the one who dove head first.  But was now the perfect time?  Would there ever be a perfect time?  After having him strip your defenses, tear you down, build you back up - should you wait?

You spared another look, hoping that you might find confidence in his being.  

Your eyes met.  He was looking at you too.

No.  No, you weren’t waiting.  Katsuki Bakugou wasn’t someone you waited for.  If you were going to do this, see if he felt the same way you felt - all the crazy heart skips and lingering glances when the other wasn’t looking - you had to do this now.  

Gathering all your courage, you moved your hand and offered it to him.  His eyes tore away from your face then down at your open palm.  The universe held it’s breath, watched eagerly...as he slid his fingers between yours.  His calloused digits scratched at your skin lightly, his palms were a little clammy and...

Bakugou held you firm, grasping you tightly.  Desperate and scared and you remembered everything that lead you to this moment.

“That Bakugou kid likes you.”

Wild hair haloed in the setting sun peeking above the tops of overgrown trees.  Everyone around you disappears when his arms wrap around you.  He holds your hands, guiding the knife as he helps you chop.

“Out of all those losers, I was glad you were there.”

It felt like something was dragging you to him, tugging your body towards his.  He wasn’t stopping you, he wasn’t yelling or screaming or pushing you away.  He just watched, eyes narrowed and darkened under his hair.  Was he waiting to see what you would do?  Was he too scared to move on his own?  You reached out, gliding your fingers over his sandy blonde locks and brushing them out of the way so you could see his face.  Fingertips drifted down and over his cheek, trying to offer the same warmth he filled you with.  

Defiantly, a daring look in his eye, he pressed his cheek into your hand.  If you’re going to do this, then mean it.  Everything about him made you want to scream, drove you mad.  He always fought - and you saw now, that this whole time...he was fighting for you.  Fighting to let you know.  Had you been so entirely blind all this time?  

You wanted to say something, to let him know that you saw.  But words were wrong, thin, pointless and empty.  Nothing you could say would ever be enough to let him know how you felt.  So you would give all of you and hope that it was enough for him.

Without waiting another moment, you pressed your lips to his.  It was a deep and heavy action, one that he met with passion only he could muster.  You closed your eyes and lost yourself into his taste, the heat of his lips, his very presence.  It was a rush, one that sent you spinning - derailed all train of thought.  All that mattered was him.  All that lived in this universe was you and him.

His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you up and over him and you were happy to follow.  You didn’t dare break away, to lose the contact that you obviously both had been longing for.  Your fingers found their way into his hair, twisting and tangling.  Never once did he pull away - quite the opposite.  He met you, every press of your lips, every motion of want and desire, laid bare in front of both of you.  And as you felt his finger graze over the skin on your back, dipping under your dress shirt to set the nerves there on fire, you realized both of you were utter fools.

It’s an awful thing: knowing you’re not enough.  Wanting something so badly, but no matter how much you long for it, it still slips through your grasp.  Of knowing that nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome.

He should have stayed in his dorm.  He should have never looked at his phone.  He should have never told you about Bakugou.  

He should have never let you get so close.  

It was by chance he glanced at the window looking into the common room, hand poised in front of the door.  At first, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking at - two shadowed masses, one on top of the other.  But then, he saw your face.  His heart wrenched when you pulled away from Bakugou.  A scream locked in his throat the way you smiled at him, soft and loving.  He hated the look in your eyes as you ran your thumb over his lips, as he slid his fingers into your hair to pull you back for more. 

Something Shinsou couldn’t have.  Someone he wasn’t enough for.

He didn’t linger on the steps for too long.  He feared you would see him and then - then you would have to talk.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle that, not with Bakugou behind you.  

The walk back to the dorm was a long one and he was surprised he made it into his room without incident.  It was late enough though, most of his classmates were asleep and the rest had retired to their rooms.  No one knew he was gone.  His mind was utterly blank until the locked clicked shut.

He didn’t realize he had punched the wall until his hand pulled back, sliced open.  Blood pooled and ran down his arm.  But it wasn’t enough.  It didn’t stop him from replaying that scene in his head over and over again.  The way you two were looking at each other, the soft touches, gentle smiles...

He slumped to the floor and let out one pitiful sob.  

What was he supposed to do now?

Author’s Note:  I honestly watched Cats the 2019 musical and then wrote Shinsou’s part because I’ve been having a pretty good week honestly so I wasn’t in the headspace for honest disappointment.  

I just needed something to remind me that happiness is fleeting and something terrible and awful will usually come and destroy what you know and love most in this world.  Drag your joy through the mud until the only thing left is a shell of what once was.

...who let’s Hooper direct shit?

Anyway.  I do think I’m going to lead into a part 4 for this one.  I don’t know.  I’ll let you guys decide if you want something more lol since I’m interested in continuing it.  Especially given the newer chapters. 

Also eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, kissing scene.  First real one on this blog anyway and not a kiss mentioned in passing.  And look, it only took me a year or so to do it. :)  I’m a fantastic mod of this blog who gives people what they want and doesn’t focus on stupid shit in the slightest why are you guys here you should have left me on the street corner where I was standing

Tag List!  If you want to be added, let me know!

@snaspants​ | @purplebellybell | @sxlenced-xf-lxvers​ | 

[sweeethinny]

Colors

started with a one shot because I wanted to write about someone fighting with Snape during an Order meeting (because God knows I would)

ended with me writing three moments of a world where jily lives, Sirius and Hestia happen, and it takes place in 1995

TW: the first one shot - BLACK - talks about an anxiety attack, so if you don't want to read about it, just skip to the next color: YELLOW

------------------

Black. {respect, death, isolation, fear, loneliness.}

Sirius felt like he was going to lose his mind, and he probably would.

Memories of a past he tries so hard to forget keep coming back to him at night, preventing him from sleeping, which automatically prevents him from living as a normal human being.

But it's only when Dumbledore forbids him to leave the house for anything - Moody thinks he's too unstable - that Sirius freaks out.

He breaks everything in the attic, absolutely nothing escapes his anger. He rips up stupid family portraits, smashes stupid ceramic cups, burns old newspapers that proudly displayed a picture of the Black family on the cover - a photo he wasn't in. Sirius feels he could blow up that house if it weren't for James, Lily and Harry living there. It's basically what keeps him from ending that stupid legacy that haunts him like a death spell.

He picks up that stupid box of pictures he hid before before everyone arrives - because he's ashamed -, and starts burning them one by one with his wand, hating more than anything to notice there aren't any pictures of him in there. He's been completely erased from the family, and Sirius thinks it's a pain that will never go away.

Watching Regulus's cheerful face burn through photo after photo, enrages him even more. The golden boy, the most perfect of all, while he has his name burned on the wall, and everything that could show that were two brothers before, erased like a single misspelled word in a letter.

He doesn't exist there, only his bedroom remains, which is one of the rooms he avoids the most, although it's the only one left to prove that he once lived there.

He hates that house, he feels like marching to his parents' grave and screaming at them, and screaming at that stupid portrait of his mother until there's no more air in his lungs, because she did that to him. She's turned him into this unstable madman who needs to be chained indoors like a dog while the others work for him.

Before he could do anything else, James intervened.

And at first Sirius hated him to do that, because how could James care so much for someone like him? He wanted to scream and push James from upstairs, wanted him to leave him alone, but suddenly he didn't want any of that anymore. Then Sirius began to shamelessly cry like a child on his best friend's shoulder, sobbing as if someone had hit him.

James didn't say anything, because he was a good friend after all, just stood there, hugging Sirius and hoping that whatever happened to him would pass and he'd calm down.

Sirius felt like crap for not being as good as James.

"I'm here with you," James said, as he would say to Harry or Lily. ''Everything will be fine.''

''No, James, you know it’s not that easy, I... I can't stand being in here anymore, there's a memory wherever I look, I... Dumbledore took everything I had left, I want my freedom back, I want my motorcycle, I want my wife I want my house...'' Later, Sirius would be embarrassed for sounding so weak, but right now, he couldn't care less.

"Hestia will be here in a few days, and… it will all be over as quickly as it started, you'll see, by Christmas you'll be back to your routine."

‘’It's not true, Prongs, you know it's not. We've been in this shit for years now, I feel like I'm going to die any second.”

"You won't, I won't let you," James promises, hugging him even tighter.

Yellow. {light, warmth, relaxation, optimism, joy}

Hestia first entered Grimmauld Place during the night, a storm was falling outside and her body was cold and tense. She just wanted to see him, for Merlin's sake, just make sure he was okay. She made sure not to make so much noise because Lily said in the letter that there was a horrible portrait of Sirius' mother who would scream if you woke her up, and Hestia didn't have the patience for that.

She's had horrible days now that she's had to travel further into the woods—which doesn't help her research at all—and has been prevented from talking to him. Hestia had only spoken to Lily once, and she told her that Sirius was not well, which was nothing new as he had to go back to his parents' house and Hestia knew that it would torment him much more than it already did.

But when she arrived in the kitchen she noticed him there, sitting alone at the table, a half-empty bottle of wine and an empty glass in front of him. Sirius had his back to her, but Hestia didn't need to see him to know he had a serious expression on his face.

"You shouldn't drink this time of night," she said, her voice sounding a lot more worried than she imagined it would.

Sirius jumped up from his chair, wand already in hand, gray eyes bulging as he watched her warily. ‘’Tell me about our first time.’’

Hestia laughed. "Only you to ask me that question," She sighed. ''We were at the Potter's house, Euphemia had made the bed in the guest room for me, so I went to say good night but you started kissing me and when I saw it, I was half naked on your bed, wearing a black lingerie, and you was saying you wouldn't let me out of there ever again… Anything else?''

Sirius didn't answer her, just lowered his wand and walked over to Hestia with a face so worried she almost didn't recognize him, his arms enveloping her in a warm, familiar hug that made her bury her head in his shirt, feeling a little foolish for wanting to cry.

"I've missed you so much," Sirius said, his lips against her hair, damp from the rain and a little oily from days without washing it. “Merlin, I thought I was going crazy.” He denies it. "I went crazy actually."

"Lily told me," Hestia hugged him even tighter, wanting Sirius to understand that she was really there, that he wasn't alone. ''How are you?''

"Absolute shit…" He snorted, pulling away from her enough that Hestia could look at him more cautiously. Sunken eyes and cheeks, big dark circles, long hair, stubble… Her heart aches. “But you're here now, so we're stuck in this shit together. You can't run away from me anymore, Jones.”

''Not at all, Moody forbade me to leave the house after I got back, something about,'' Hestia pauses, remembering the unfriendly conversation they had, and how the auror yelled that ''her out-of-control husband nearly killed them ''. Sirius would probably think it was his fault that she couldn't go out anymore. Which was half true, but then again, Hestia didn't help herself when she lost her temper and yelled at Moody back. "About him and Dumbledore not wanting to take chances with one of us out of the house."

“They think I'm crazy, don't they?” His jaw tensed, his gray eyes seeming to burn. "Well, I'm sorry if I didn't keep quiet when I heard someone talking shit about my godson and calling him a liar."

"You don't help Harry at all if you keep threatening other Aurors."

"I know." He sighed, leaning his forehead against hers, keeping his eyes steady on hers. There was a faint booze smell to him, but nothing to make her think he was completely drunk. "But you know how I am."

"I know," Hestia placed her hands on his face, making a brief caress of his cheek before leaning in to kiss him. "I love you, but I prefer you without that beard."

"I was thinking of making it look like Dumbledore's." Sirius chuckled softly, his eyes still closed and his lips touching hers.

"Do that, and you'll never see the middle of my legs again."

"Ouch, it's not fair," He looked at her, his gray irises gleaming in amusement as he pouted softly.

"Take it or leave it, Black." Hestia pulled away from him, grabbing her suitcase from the floor. “I need to take a shower.” She arched her eyebrows. 'Will you keep me company?'

“Of course, I hear this house is very haunted, so I'll have to stay with you to protect you from the ghosts.” They walked out of the kitchen, taking slow steps so as not to wake the fucking portrait.

''Thank you so much, I'm terrified of haunting.'' Hestia smiled, letting him lead her to his room - which looked strangely untouched - and then to the bathroom, with Sirius talking non-stop about how he would protect and secure her, so that Hestia didn't have her foot pulled during the night.

“We'll have to sleep cuddled together so that doesn't happen.” He took off his shirt, and Merlin, how she missed him. "And no clothes." Sirius waved his wand at the water to fill the tub, then unzipped his pants and took them off along with his underwear.

''I'm sure yes.''

Red. {passion, lust, war, danger, violence}

It is during a meeting of the Order that Hestia loses her temper.

She was sitting next to Sirius and holding hands with him, as they usually are, talking quietly about everything and nothing while Molly doesn't come down and McGonagall doesn't arrive. Everyone is there, she knows it, and every now and then someone looks at the nearly untouched glass of firewhiskey in front of Sirius, but she doesn't care, she keeps talking to him and making him chuckle softly, saying how indecent her new panties are just because she likes to tease him.

And because things are getting more and more tense.

Living in that house didn't just affect Sirius, but she too, and every now and then Hestia finds herself close to breaking everything in sight, blind with rage that Dumbledore has trapped them there like a lab rat, thinking that if Sirius doesn't explode that house, or that damned picture of his mother, she goes.

Anxiety gnaws at her inside and every day she wakes up thinking that this will be the last, tomorrow they will return to their home, safe and sound, enjoying their freedom again, and Hestia won't have to worry about talking portraits and a elf that pisses her off, no matter how kind she tries to be.

But when Snape speaks - something she's been ignoring since he arrived - she just can't take it anymore.

''Like Black could do anything, being trapped in here.'' He says, in that petulant tone he's been throwing at her, Sirius, James and Lily every meeting, and Hestia's chest burns, finally finding a good target to take out all her anger.

She knew Lily said it was best to ignore him, she tried to do it, but Hestia couldn't do it anymore, not when Dumbledore trapped them there now that they were no longer useful making them almost insane. Driving Sirius insane! How can he trap him in the only house he knows would affect him, in an environment where for years he's been frowned upon and unloved, making him wake up the demons that have long been sleeping.

Sirius was getting sick in there and Dumbledore couldn't care less.

Without saying a word she reached for her wand at her hip, standing up and nearly knocking over the chair behind her, making everyone look at her as she sewed Snape's mouth shut and stopped him from talking any more, eyes getting huge in his face.

"Speak one more time of my husband and I'll kill you, and I'm not even kidding," Hestia said, her voice low and her eyes hard on that coward. ''I've killed a lot of Death Eaters in the last few years, and I would have done it to you in a blink if Dumbledore hadn't convinced himself that you're worth some shit. But I don't believe it, Snape, I know you, you're nothing more than a scared coward who runs when sees the boat sinking, so think twice before talking about my husband, because I can kill you without you even seeing where the spell came from.'' She undid the invisible ropes that they kept his mouth shut, and the man let out an exaggeratedly long breath of air, but Hestia didn't mind.

She sat back down, feeling her heart beat much faster than normal, hot blood rushing through her veins and making her feel feverish.

Sirius smiled, putting his arm over her shoulder and staring at Severus near the other end of the table, his eyes blazing with anger but still looking too scared to speak. Coward.

It didn't take long for the meeting to start, obviously Dumbledore being an idiot every time he needed to talk to her, probably wanting to remind her who was in charge here, like he did at Hogwarts. Well, she hadn't been his student for years now, so she couldn't have cared less about it, honestly.

[bakugohoex]

“y/n, if it was the end of the world and you asked to talk, i’d be there in a heartbeat”

pairing: wakatoshi ushijima x female reader

cw: fluff, angst, crying, langauge

word count: 3800+

a/n: this took like three hours to write so hopefully it doesn’t flop, i’m scared it might because it’s an ushijima fic and i don’t know that many people who acc simp over this man

summary: in which your recent break up had made you realise your unknown feelings for your roommate ushijima, whilst he’s trying to distract you from your break up, you end up meeting your ex where your feelings get revealed

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The slam of the door signified the end of the long tumultuous relationship. It wasn’t like you loved the guy, he was the one to pursue you and he was nothing more than a passer-by in your life. So, why were you so upset? It was mainly the comments when the two of you had been arguing in your apartment. You were glad your roommate wasn’t here and at practice, you didn’t want him to witness the words that came from his mouth.

“You really are a fucking whore, you’ve probably been sleeping with that volleyball player” He was pacing back and forth, a tear falling down your face.

“I fucking wish I had.” You spoke nonchalantly, you had stopped caring about the relationship.

“You wish you had, stupid cunt, at least I had the balls to sleep with other girls, you really think you’re the shit don’t you.” He paused. “You’re worthless and no wonder nobody has stuck around.”

You wiped your tears away, going to the mirror in the bathroom. You knew Ushijima would be home soon and you didn’t need him to see you crying, you didn’t want him to ask about what had happened. Why did you even say you wish you had slept with him? You tensed more tears falling down your cheek. How fucking dare, he say all that shit about cheating, who was he to give an opinion on you anymore.

You shook your head wiping your tears, you were glad the weekend was here, not wanting to go back to classes at all. The university life was hard and being younger than Ushijima he had already become a professional volleyball player whilst you were in your last year.

He had met you through mutual friends and you two were both in need of roommates. It was the only reason for the arrangement to occur, you both rarely saw each other, mostly in the mornings before classes and practices and in the evenings. On weekends there was an exception with no early morning practice, so you saw him a lot more.

You walked out of the bathroom, needing food to fill the sad ridden hole in your heart. “Y/n, you home.”

You heard Ushijima’s footsteps come towards the kitchen. He was sweaty and tired from practice; you hid your sadness with a smile. It was fake and he could see in your eyes the fresh tears indicating that you weren’t okay, he didn’t ask knowing that you might just need space.

“How was practice?” You asked finding some milk, wanting cereal even though it was hitting 8pm.

“It was fine, Kageyama’s getting a lot better setting for other people.”

“He’s the new guy, right?” You had heard about Kageyama from Bokuto who you had known since high school. He told you about the training camps he had been on with Kageyama and Hinata.

“Yeah, in my last year, his school beat us.” He spoke tiredly, it seemed like he had gotten over the lose as quickly as it happened. “You only have cereal at night when you’re sad.”

“Oh, you noticed.” You whisper pouring the milk on the cereal.

He nodded, resting his head on his hand. You spoke again sitting in front of him, he looked even more tired than normally. But was still staying up to talk to you, “I’m now single.”

“Oh, are you okay?” He didn’t know what else to ask looking up at you with his olive eyes looking up at you, to anybody this would look like his normal stoic self but you his eyes showed a type of comfort.

“Yeah, we both said some stuff we regret.” The five words you had previously shouted skimmed through your mind.

He grabbed another bowl on the side, taking the cereal and milk and eating as well. You smiled softly at the boy, helping him make sure nothing spilt on the sides. “As long as you’re happy.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” You whisper, you both sat in a comfortable silence, eating and just appreciating the presence both of you brought.

“Practice got cancelled tomorrow.” You had been washing the dishes as Ushijima walked back in having got changed, the grey joggers and white shirt encased his muscles and hard body.

You turned to face the boy, ever since saying the words all you could think about was ripping his clothes off and letting him take all of you. You knew he has a big cock; it was obvious not just from how you could sometimes see the indent through his joggers especially now. But the amount of big dick energy memes that Ushijima got from his friends that you had to explain to him.

He smiled to you, grabbing his water bottle before speaking again, “we should hang out, you can get over your boyfriend then.” He was very blunt about your feelings towards your ex-boyfriend and as much as you wanted to be isolated in your room. You needed to prove to him and yourself that you weren’t going to stay pent up over a relationship that didn’t matter at all.

“Sure, what do you want to do?” You ask, his gaze moving from his phone to your smaller frame, you had come closer to him and he gulped at how you were almost touching arm-to-arm.

“Hoshiumi told us about this new restaurant that opened up, they serve sushi.” You smiled at the boy.

“I can go for some sushi.” He smiled back putting a hand on your shoulder, it sent a burst of electricity through you and all wished for was that hand wrapped around your neck.

He left as soon as he came, you could sense he needed sleep so let him go without another word. You went into your own room, it had potted plants and pictures from high school and university, there were some with Fukurodani’s team, you and Akaashi, you and the MSBY Black Jackals and even you and Ushijima from a night out.

He was tipsy which led him to be blunter which you enjoyed hearing his opinions of people. His arm was lazily around your shoulder as he bent down his mouth to your ear. The photo was amusing and brought you joy at the close contact.

You didn’t bother staying awake, trying to fall asleep, but all you could do was cry.

He shouted out, “you’re so fucking stupid, get it through that thick skull that you were always just my sex toy.”

The words echoed through your head as more tears fell down your face. You didn’t care about him, you hated him. But the more you thought about the wasted days on him and the loveless sex, it angered you.

You had fallen asleep, but nightmares ran through your head, you were panting in your sleep, moving back and forth at the feeling of worthlessness. You screamed waking up, sweat dripped from your forehead as tears fell down your face. It wasn’t the normal tears you had had, you were sobbing, the wetness never ending.

You heard your door open, seeing a shirtless tired Ushijima walk in, he didn’t say anything, only moving to sit on your bed. He saw the tears and breathlessness, you both didn’t speak, until you felt his arm around you softly.

The way you instantly clung onto him, the tears falling. Even if you could never have the stoic boy, it was nice to have him around you. “What happened?”

You were about to explain the dream before he brought a finger to your lips to stop you. “Not about your dream, about him, what did he say to you?”

You looked up at him, his arm still around you, your hair dishevelled and most of all your face damp, “he called me w…worthless, a cunt, a whore, just a…a sex toy.”

Ushijima’s jaw clenched at your vulnerability, “if I ever see him, I’m going to kill him.” He mutters, it was probably the first time you heard any emotion come from him. “He’s fucking stupid Y/n, he never deserved you.”

“I know, I hate h…him, but the w…words, am I not everything he said.” Tears continued to fall as you felt Ushijima’s hands cup your cheek wiping the tears away. You leant your head against his exposed chest, he looked down at you, a softness collapsing inside of him.

“Y/n, you should’ve talked to me before.”

You look at him, he didn’t look at you, looking at the pictures and plants, a soft smile as he saw the photo of you two. “You were tired, and you have other things to worry about than…”

He interrupts you gazing into your eyes, “Y/n, if it was the end of the world and you asked to talk, I’d be there in a heartbeat.”

A soft smile placed on your face, you truly appreciated him. He let you vent your feelings for a couple more minutes before you got tired again. “Can you stay?”

The whisper and hesitation in your voice made Ushijima give a small smile before nodding. He may be a man of little words but the way he slept beside you, you hesitated to create any contact. But as you turned on your side facing away from him, you felt his arms moving to your waist. The way you felt protected and loved, your back pressing against his base chest, it was paradise and everything you needed.

You both woke up entangled in each other’s arms, your body had turned inwards as Ushijima slept on his back. A secure arm still around you but your own hand had rested on his chest, feeling each muscle tense under you.

“Good morning.” His voice was rough and tired, you giggled at how he remained under you. It was as if he wasn’t acknowledging the closeness.

“Morning.” You smile back, “what time are we going to the sushi place?”

He checks the clock on your beside table, seeing it only being half eight. He turns to face you again, “we should go mid-day I want to show you something afterwards.”

You nod at the boy but the nosiness in you made you start to annoy the boy, “what do you want to show me?”

“It’s a surprise Y/n.”

“You’re so mean Toshi.” The nickname fell off your lips without you realising, his face hinted at some redness before he didn’t meet your gaze.

“Be patient Y/n.” You rolled your eyes looking at your ceiling, glow in the dark stars scattered across.

“The stars don’t even glow properly, why did you buy them?”

You elbowed his side, which you forget was bare, he didn’t move probably not even feeling it, “they were a present, I love stars and space.”

“I can tell.” He spoke getting up, his back was away from you, he rolled his shoulders, making you see his back muscles all you wanted to do was touch them and scratch them all up. “Get ready.”

He left the room, not even meeting your glance, you quickly did your morning routine, before going to make breakfast, making some for Ushijima after last night. You heard the shower turn off just as you put down the plates of pancakes, he walked in his hair wet and down. He was too pretty to be human; the way water beads fell to his torso where his joggers encased his thighs.

You were almost drooling at the boy, everything you had taken for granted before was becoming increasingly perfect to you. “I made pancakes” You gulped out.

“Thank you.” He sat in front again, as you passed him a plate, he started to speak about his friend who had become a chocolatier, his friend seemed to be the opposite to him. “You remind me of him, he was always the enthusiastic type.”

“I’m surprised you were friend’s with him, he seems more talkative than you are.”

“I grew comfortable with him to express myself more, I talk more with you than I normally do.” He spoke eating, you could see the maple syrup wrap around his lips, he licked them. Your mouth agape as you couldn’t control the feeling inside of you. It was a small action that made your legs tense moving closer together.

He continued to speak, getting more comfortable to talk more than he normally did. Even you had said less words than he had, and you were normally the one to carry conversations.

“I’ll wash up, you get changed.” You nodded at the man, as you skipped away. He watched how you moved thinking of last night.

You were vulnerable and all he wanted to do was make you know that you were wanted. Holding you in his arms all he felt was an electric love flow through him. Your tight shirt had hung on you perfectly, he could see every part of your body and the shorts did little to hide your legs. If you hadn’t have been crying, he would’ve taken you right there.

He continued his thoughts about last night as you got changed. Contemplating to what to wear, you wanted to look nice, even if it wasn’t a date, you wanted to make him swoon. You saw the chilly outside, finding some trousers that hugged your thighs before flaring out at the bottom, you wore them and an oversized sweatshirt. You couldn’t be bothered to wear a coat and as you dried your hair letting it set you did your makeup, you looked perfect well that’s what you hoped he would say.

You walked out, trying to find your shoes with a small bag around your body. Ushijima had been waiting leaning against the sofa, his face concentrated on his phone. He had no social media, so you had no idea what had been intriguing him as much as it had. You often tried to plead him to get something so you could send him funny memes, but he’d remain silent patting your head like a dog. It was a silent way of him say no kindly.

He looked up, his white button up shirt and jeans on fitting him nicely. He was never one to care about his appearance, but the white shirt left nothing to your imagination, you could see every indent, he held a coat in his arms, as he eyed you up and down.

“Do I not look nice?” You were hesitant on your outfit choice now.

He scratched his head looking at you, “You look perfect.”

You smiled looking down, “we should get going.”

The walk and drive to the sushi place was quiet, you had been longing for any type of touch from him. But he kept his eyes on the road, one hand on the wheel as the other was biting his nail. The tension in the air, he wanted to ask if you were doing okay, but didn’t want to make you sad.

He went against the thought anyway and asked, “are you doing okay?” He was parking the car, looking out the back window, his arm around your seat, as you could see his arms, the way his biceps tensed and face locked. He was a beauty, and you were swooning hard.

“I’m fine, I want to thank you for last night, it really meant a lot.” You stopped looking at his arms, the way your head had been a mere inch from his arms.

You looked down at your fingers waiting for him to speak, “Everything I said last night was the truth.” You nodded not wanting to say anymore.

You both started walking towards the sushi place, it wasn’t that cold, but you could feel a cold breath of air hitting your face. You wanted to just wrap around the tall boy but went against your thoughts as he opened the sushi place doors.

It looked nice and cosy and there was a mass of customers, clearly a popular place. You both got lead to a table, it was cute and near the window, so you could admire the sky. “It’s on me, so choose whatever you want.”

You looked at him, his sleeves rolled up to his forearms, “I can’t let you do that, it’s…”

“I want too.” You didn’t bother fighting, both ordering what you wanted.

You started to talk about Uni and how much your professors hated you, “I’m serious, I was like five minutes late and I got a shouting out at the end of the lecture.”

“You should’ve just explained why you were late.” He played with the straw of his drink.

“I couldn’t really be saying I was late because I had been binge watching My Hero Academia, could I?”

“Was that the night, I had to come into your room to tell you to shut up.” You face flushed at how Ushijima had seen you wrapped in your covers watching the show, your eyes had been bloodshot, and bags had formed under your eyes.

You nod as he smirks, “you looked like a raccoon.”

“hey, raccoons can look cute.”

He raised an eyebrow, “I don’t know what kind of raccoons you’ve met.”

Your food came as you gave a soft smile at the boy, “Did you know racoons have actually be around for 40,000 years.”

He stared blankly at you, “there is no reason for you to ever need that information.”

“There is, I can annoy you with random facts now.” He remembered every time you’d come into his room and tell him a stupid fact you had learnt about from Tiktok.

He watched you eat, and speak, the conversation allowing both of you to talk and laugh, even the stoic Ushijima allowed himself to laugh a couple times. It wasn’t as silent as you had thought it had been when he asked last night.

But good things don’t last, you heard the door open again, before seeing the waitress bring in a couple, they sat beside you, and Ushijima’s face fell as soon as he saw who it was. He was ready to punch the man but restrained himself as you hadn’t noticed them.

“Y/n.” Hearing your name you turned and saw your ex.

Your face fell as you stopped talking about what you had learnt in an astronomy society you had joined at uni. “Oh.”

“Whose this?” The girl in front of him asked as she looked at disgust at you, but  at the sight of Ushijima she began flaunting herself.

“This is my ex, moving on with your roommate, I was right then, you had slept with him.” You didn’t speak keeping quiet, “you always were a slut.”

Ushijima’s blood boiled, what right did this insignificant man have to belittle you, “She’s hasn’t, yet, but when she does, just know that I’ll fuck her better than you ever could, and I’ll make her cum more than you ever will.”

Shock. Your eyes widened at Ushjima’s bluntness, you knew he was blunt but this, this was another level. He looked at you as if he hadn’t just said what he said.

“Fucking whore.” Your ex muttered but you ignored him looking at Ushijima.

“I’m going to go pay.” Ushijima mutters, you stayed silent, still in shock, your ex and his new girl kept to themselves, but even she looked at Ushijima who was paying, her gaze never left him. Your ex had grown frustrated with the lack of attention on him.

Ushijima was perfect to look at but all you could think about were the words that had came out of his mouth. You took a breath of air as he walked back, he put his hand out.

Your face softened as you took it, he helped you up before you felt his grip tighten not leaving you. He didn’t speak about his early remark, and you were silent, different things going through your head. But most of all, was this a confession of love or just him wanting to fuck you.

“The surprise is a couple minutes, are you okay to walk?” You nod not speaking, he stares at you knitting his eyebrows in confusion, “did I say something wrong?”

His lack of awareness made your heart beat, even he didn’t realise the implications of what he said. “No, everything’s fine.”

You followed along, his hand still wrapped in your own, he would squeeze it occasionally, but you ignored it. You finally reached what looked like a museum. Confusion filled your face before you looked at the sign outside.

‘Talk on everything to do with space, 2pm in the main auditorium’

You looked at Ushijima, “how did you know I wanted to go?”

“I heard you a couple weeks ago, you asked your ex if you could both go, and he said no. I got us two tickets.”

Ushijima smiled showing the two tickets, the date stamped of when he bought it had been weeks ago, you smiled at him. Before you both went inside, you stopped him, “what you said in front of my ex, did you mean it?”

“What?” He questioned before nodding, “Oh, yeah as much as I do want to fuck you, I thought this date would be better.”

“D…Date.” You hadn’t even realised this was a date at how oblivious you were.

“I wouldn’t ask anybody to get sushi and watch the stars with me.” His lip twitched upwards.

The word ‘date’ still ran through your head at how confused you were. “I didn’t know.”

“I assumed you did, I should’ve been straight forward as usual, my apoli...”

You stop him, grabbing his shirt forward, he leant down knowing what you were about to do. Before your lips attached to one another, his hand moved to your waist bringing you forward, he had to bend his back to reach your height, but he didn’t care he just wanted to feel your lips on his. He continued to deepen the kiss, his hands gripping your sides, before one moved to your neck, softly wrapping it around your throat. You moaned a sign you liked it as he continued to lightly press it.

His tongue flicked against your lips, you moaned his name, a sound he had been craving to hear before his tongue wrapped around your own, your breathing heavy, you were glad nobody was near you, all being inside due to it getting more frigid. He finally let you go, his hand still on your neck but moving to your cheek, his thumb brushing up and down.

“I like you Toshi.”

“I like you too Y/n.” It was the words you both had longed to hear from one another, and he grabbed your hand again bringing you even closer than before, you walked into the show, happily and content with the new relationship blossoming between you two.

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