#to all those who observe of course if you dont then dont worry this message isnt for you 💕 stay safe folkx

[princessmyriad]

Happy all hallows may your spirits be sweet amd your sweets be many 👻

[buffysummers]

hi! those are my tags on your xander gifset. i have followed you for a long time & am pretty familiar with your opinions and the things you make (and am a massive fan of the vast majority of both!!!) and i know you obviously dont just pick the most memeable moments for the alphabet sets!! but i did just wanna message you to kinda stand by what i said -- the xander set specifically (and ive seen most of them!) i think does excessively highlight his negative qualities. more than half of the gifs are from the first three seasons and almost all the rest are from the seventh--i think xanders flaws (the misogyny, the toxic masculinity, insecurity, possessiveness, etc) are important and you should show them! i love xander so much because of how he grows. but when i say you have his best and worst and your opinion on him shows, i mean i think you chose to dwell on his early shittiness and then add in his best late moments, at the cost of using the gifset to show the growth that happens over the course of seasons 4-6. and i didnt really mean it as a criticism just an observation! and im not trying to fight, just wanted to explain what i was thinking, please take this in good faith. i love your blog and your thoughts and gifing talents make the buffy fandom a better place.

Hi! Thanks so much for saying that 🩷 I definitely did not think you meant to fight, so don't worry! I can be overly sensitive because the Buffy fandom tends to be overly critical of people's work, and often their criticisms are not based on the actual text of the show.

So, I just want to defend why I did that for his set, if you don't mind?

So, Xander's gifset is 18 gifs. Which, is a lot. I am not sure if you make gifsets yourself, but this takes a very, very long time. As you noted, Xander is not my favorite, but I also don't hate Xander. Having said that, I did not particularly enjoy making his set because 1) he is not a fav of mine, and 2) I knew it would flop because a lot of people do hate him. So, it did feel a bit like I was wasting my time because I knew very few people would appreciate the hard work and time I put into making the set.

As for the reasons why I chose those scenes for the set, I will walk you through it since I know you actually like Xander and would perhaps be interested in knowing my thought process behind each gif. (for anyone else who is reading this, I am referring to this set)

I start off every set with an introduction to the character, and more than likely, it's the character's introduction to Buffy, as she is the titular character and it's her show. The only exception is Tara, because while Tara is most definitely important to Buffy (especially in season 6), their development comes later on, and Tara is Willow's girlfriend. (Tara was the only romantic interest character set I did that was not for Buffy. I should also note I only did Angel for Buffy. So, two romantic interests in total.)

I chose this gif for a couple of reasons. The first was to display Xander's willingness to help Buffy, which also displays his bravery. The second was to show his toxic masculinity, how he appears to not only struggle with the idea of a woman being more important/powerful than him, but this is also a deep-rooted issue that we see a lot in the show. Given how important he is to the show, I did not feel the need to show several gifs concerning this trait because it would be overkill.

Xander's main function in the narrative is to serve as Buffy's friend, but he's also the classic "pines over the main character" trope. I thought this moment with the bracelet was sweet. It shows that he cares for her, but it also shows how awkward and nervous he is about potentially displaying those feelings.

Well, this is just a big moment for both characters. Xander, after pining for Buffy for the entire first season, finally admits to his feelings for Buffy. This takes a lot out of him.

A huge heroic moment for Xander, especially since she just rejected him. There were a lot of scenes I could've chosen, like him showing up to Angel's apartment, or him not caring about potentially dying as long as he could help Buffy. Ultimately, I chose what resulted of his bravery, ie: saving Buffy.

I chose this scene for a few reasons. The first is to show his loyalty to Buffy. Out of all the Scoobies, he is the only one to stay with Buffy the entire time she's in the hospital and he guards her room in case Angelus shows up. But, as is the case with a lot of his decisions in the first three seasons, his actions are motivated by his romantic feelings for Buffy. He hated Angel long before Angelus, and he even admits as much. This scene shows Xander's feelings and loyalty to Buffy, while also highlighting his hatred for not only Angelus, but his jealousy regarding Buffy and Angel's relationship. There is a reason why Angelus says this to Xander. He knows this will get under his skin and hurt him the most.

This is perhaps the first gif that truly just highlights his toxicity. Again, his feelings regarding Buffy/Angel and Angelus is his main narrative function in season two. There are (almost) no layers to this scene, in my opinion. He says this because he's jealous. I don't truly believe he cares all that much about Jenny for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of what happens in 7.05. Also, Buffy would never, ever want to simply erase or forget about Jenny's death, especially because of how much she loves Giles. She's also just a very compassionate person. What he says to her is simply untrue, and he only says this to hurt her because, once again, he's jealous.

I mean, this moment is too important to not include in the set. It is the worst thing he does in the entire show. So, even though it piggyback's off of the previous gif, you could say this is him putting his money where his mouth is. Before, he merely voiced his disdain for Angel/Angelus. This is him acting on it. This is him taking his jealousy to an entirely new level. This is pure selfishness.

The Scoobies really, really suck in "Dead Man's Party." They are super dismissive of Buffy's feelings and they minimize her trauma. They are all too concerned with how Buffy's disappearance impacted them, while overlooking where she's been and why she felt the need to flee to begin with. That is not to say the Scoobies's feelings shouldn't be factored in, but this scene perfectly encapsulates the messiness that is this episode. And Xander is by far the worst in this episode, so that is why his set gets the gif. Also, as stated above, Xander's character is very deeply tied to Buffy. He has a richly developed arc, but it mostly revolves around her, unlike Willow.

I tried to include more of the dialogue from this scene, but it covered his entire face and looked ugly. But I do think "I like the quiet" is powerful enough on his own. An outstanding moment for Xander. Such a great episode, overall.

This is so, so sweet and also shows you how much Xander has grown. It also highlights his emotional intelligence, which we haven't seen a lot of at this point in the series. Could this have to do with Angel leaving? Maybe. But he sees that Buffy is down, and takes the time to pick her up and support her. It's a wonderful friend moment.

I don't think this needs to be explained much. He saved the world. A courageous moment and this also displays his emotional intelligence and his ability to reach people.

I included this gif because 1) it's funny and 2) it's a good piece of exposition.

This is him reflecting on his years in high school and showing appreciation. A very good moment for him.

Supporting another Summers sister while also providing good exposition on his narrative purpose.

We all know he's the comic relief, so I thought it was best to include at least one gif that states that.

This shows his bravery once again. He lost an eye, he has no special powers, but hey, he still wants to go down fighting standing next to the woman he loves. (I still believe he is in love with Buffy. Fight me!) This scene is also reminiscent of when he followed her in 1.02, 1.12, and when he and Willow wanted to look for Buffy in 2.14.

This is a cute moment between them, and also very true. He brought Buffy back to life twice, and he also played a huge part in why she survives after Warren shot her.

So, while I agree that there's a lot of gifs from seasons 1-3, and 7, I think this set accurately encapsulates his function within the show's narrative. I did not include any gif from season 5, it is the only season that did not get a gif. And I thought a lot about that season. I could have included his relationship with Anya, or maybe his career taking off, but I just don't think that is as important as his relationship with Buffy and Willow.

If you look at Willow's set, for instance, there's a lot from season 6 because that's her season. I think Xander serves the narrative more in the early seasons, and in the final season, which is where he's at his best.

I did my best with the set, and I think I did a good job, even if you maybe don't agree with me. I hope you have a better understanding of the set now!

[itadorisgf]

Hello! I dont know if your event is already full or not because your last update was a few hours ago. If it still has a slot for one more, may i please request megumi touching you (not in a sexual way, just like platonically / romantically) to get your attention? I think this was from the first promt. Thankyou!

— fushiguro megumi + touching you to get your attention

⤷ anonymous asked: Hello! I don't know if your event is already full or not because your last update was a few hours ago. If it still has a slot for one more, may i please request megumi touching you (not in a sexual way, just like platonically / romantically) to get your attention? I think this was from the first prompt. Thank you!

note: this turned into a whole fic…the part where gumi touches you to grab your attention is rather brief, but i still hope u like this!!

ft. fushiguro megumi

warning: gn!reader, second-year!reader, fluff, blood, pre-relationship so pining!reader

⤷ the flower shop

You are going to kill Gojo-Sensei.

Your mouth flattens into a tight line, brows pinching together to form a deep crease, as your grip on your phone tightens. The bright image pulled up on the screen of your handheld device is the cause for your ire. It’s one of a series of images that Gojo-Sensei has sent to your group chat with your fellow Second-Years of Fushiguro Megumi looking worse for wear. Though the images are all rather blurry, you can clearly make out the injured state Fushiguro’s in: his uniform is dirtied and his face is scraped up with what looks like fresh blood streaming down from his hairline. You’re sure Maki will get a kick of Fushiguro getting his ass handed to him, but you’re more concerned about Fushiguro’s current physical state.

He must not be too severely injured if Gojo-Sensei is texting you Second-Years pictures of Fushiguro all beaten up. This should help alleviate your stress, but it doesn’t. Your gut still churns uncomfortably at the thought, at the image, of Fushiguro injured, seriously or not.

You exit the images to view the chat. You roll your eyes at Gojo’s text message, which accompanies the many pictures he sent of Fushiguro.

Gojo-Sensei: Look who got beat up!!!

As a teacher, he really shouldn’t sound so thrilled at the prospect of his student getting injured, but then again, Gojo-Sensei’s not exactly a respectable teacher in your eyes. Your eyes scan the rest of the messages from your classmates. Given the time difference, you would guess that Yūta is most likely busy with his day right now all the way on the other side of the world, hence his lack of response. You make a mental note to shoot him a text soon and check in on him. You know Yūta well enough to know that he’s probably running himself ragged. Toge’s in the middle of a mission right now, which only leaves Panda and Maki available to reply to Gojo-Sensei’s message.

You were correct in your assumption that Maki would be pleased with the pictures, her text asking if Gojo-Sensei managed to get a video of Fushiguro getting beat up. Panda echoes that sentiment by responding with arrows pointing upward underneath Maki’s text. Your thumbs hover over your keyboard, contemplating if you should reply or ignore the chat.

“Is Fushiguro alright?” You hit send before you can overthink and toss your phone onto your nightstand. When your phone loudly pings, you scramble in the dark to grab it, unlocking your phone to view the response. You flip onto your stomach, burying your face into your pillow with a loud muffled groan.

Maki: Aw, are you worried about your lover boy?

You should’ve never confided in Maki about your small crush on Fushiguro. Well, it’s not like you were the one to bring it up. When Maki had casually slipped into your conversation that it’s gross how much you resemble a lovesick puppy around Fushiguro, you were taken aback and attempted to refute her observation. However, your best friend knows you like the back of her hand and bluntly stated that it’s obvious you’re pining for Fushiguro. You winced when she told you that. Was it really that obvious? The pointed look she gave you in return confirmed that yes, it was that obvious. Luckily for you, Fushiguro is one of the densest people you know when it comes to the realm of romance so to your knowledge, he’s still completely clueless to your feelings.

Your classmates all know of your feelings for the First-Year, but they don’t meddle in your love life. The most they do is tease you or give you knowing looks, which you brush off as quickly as you can while you try to rein in the resulting heat that floods your face. No, it’s not your classmates you have to worry about. It’s your idiot of a Sensei who has nothing better to do with his life than to concern himself with his students’ love lives despite being the strongest Sorcerer there is. If you could, you’d sock him right in the gut for the number of times he’s attempted to push you and Fushiguro together. The awkwardness that came from those experiences still makes you want to crawl into a hole whenever you think about it for too long.

The vibration of your phone in your hand draws you out of your thoughts. You grimace when you read the text message.

Gojo-Sensei: Don’t worry!!!! Your lover boy is alright, but I bet he’d feel better if you checked in on him. ;)

You can clearly envision Gojo-Sensei’s glee on the other end of the phone. The man feeds off of embarrassing his students. You opt not to respond anymore, clicking out of the application and turning off your phone. Gently placing your phone onto your night stand, you tug your comforter up to your chin and close your eyes for the night.

Perhaps, you will check in on Fushiguro later.

“Oi, quit zoning out.”

You groan in pain when Maki sharply jabs you in the stomach with the end of her wooden bo staff. She gives you an unamused look when you toss a harsh glare her way.

“I’m not zoning out,” you mutter, readjusting your grip on your respective staff to continue the light sparring session you and Maki are engaging in. She doesn’t bother to restrain herself from rolling her eyes as she counters your strike, easily knocking your staff out of your hands. You’re quick in your attempt to grab your staff again, but Maki cleanly sweeps your legs out from under you, sending you crashing face first in the dirt.

“Right, and Mai and I have a wonderful relationship,” She sarcastically says, digging one end of her bo staff into the ground and leaning her weight against it. “He’s fine, you know? You shouldn’t worry so much about him. You should be more worried about me kicking your ass.”

You loudly whine when Maki brings him up and flop onto your back to gaze up at her. “Who said I’m worried about Fushiguro?” You childishly huff, propping yourself up and leaning back onto your forearms. Your expression scrunches up in distaste as dirt uncomfortably sticks to your sweaty skin.

Though you’re attempting to deny it, of course, you’re worried about Fushiguro. Although Maki already knows how you feel about the First-Year, you’d rather skirt around the subject and pretend that you’re much better at hiding your emotions than you actually are.

“Who said anything about Fushiguro?” Maki innocently cocks a brow, but smirks to herself as you murmur a low fuck underneath your breath. Damn, you walked right into that one.

“I hate you, you know that?” You deadpan, staring straight into Maki’s eyes.

“Yeah, I hate you too.”

The corner of your lips twitch up into a hint of grin as Maki offers you a hand, pulling you up onto your feet.

You wrap up your training session not long after that since Maki claimed that she didn’t see the point in continuing to spar if you’re not going to give it your all. “There’s no fun in beating someone over and over again,” she sighed as you were knocked to the ground for what felt like the hundredth time that day. You gave her a half-hearted glare in response to that comment.

Freshly showered, you’re now lounging on one of the benches placed near the dorms, occupying your time by scrolling through social media. You try to convince yourself that you’re hanging around outside because you want to enjoy how nice the day is, but you, and everyone else, know better. Fushiguro, and presumably Gojo-Sensei, should be coming back from their mission soon. Although you know that Fushiguro wasn’t seriously injured, you also know that the tight coil of worry in your stomach won’t go away until you see it with your own eyes that Fushiguro is, indeed, okay.

“Senpai?” The sudden noise startles you and you scramble to sit up straight. You unconsciously smooth out the creases in your clothing as you meet the eyes of the person who called you.

“Fushiguro,” you breathe out, relief heavily laced in your voice. You push yourself off the bench to stand on your feet and quickly scan his form for injuries, brows furrowing when you see the numerous bandages littering his face. It’s only when Fushiguro shifts underneath your intense gaze that you realize how long you must have spent staring at his face. Great, now he’s going to think you’re some sort of creep, you think to yourself. “H-how are you feeling?”

You internally wince at your slight fumbling over your words. You’re just glad nobody else is around to witness this encounter, Gojo-Sensei and Maki would find way too much delight in your distress.

Fushiguro brings a hand up to rub at the back of his neck. A hint of redness seeps out from underneath his bandages, staining his cheeks, as he reflects on how badly his simple retrieval mission turned out. He’ll leave it up to Gojo-Sensei to explain to your class about Itadori and how he’s Sukuna’s new vessel. He wonders how you all will take it.

“I’m fine, Senpai,” he replies, grimacing as the pads of his fingertips run along the gauzy material of the bandage firmly wrapped around his head. Heat floods his cheeks when he looks up to see the genuine concern in your expression. Fushiguro’s thankful that the bandage on his cheek manages to partially conceal the flush of his skin. “Really.” He adds on for extra emphasis. You still look unconvinced, but you nod along as if you actually believe Fushiguro’s words.

“Well, that’s a relief. I was worried about you when Gojo-Sensei sent us those pictures of you all bloodied up,” you say with a sheepish grin.

“You were worried about me?” Fushiguro questions with a slight raise of his brow.

Oh fuck. For a moment, you say nothing: frozen completely still as your brain attempts to process the fact that you just told Fushiguro, to his face, that you were concerned about his well-being. Maybe, he’d interpret your words in a friendly way. Perhaps, he would think that you were just being a good upperclassman and looking out for him. If you were lucky, Fushiguro would think nothing of your comment.

“Senpai?” A sudden weight on your shoulder pulls you out of your internal panicking. Fushiguro’s hand lightly rests on your shoulder as a concerned expression lies on his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Fushiguro,” you assure him. There’s still a slight frown in place, crinkling the bandage stuck on the corner of Fushiguro’s mouth. You inhale deeply in order to muster up as much courage as you can for what you’re going to do next. “I promise.” Your voice softens as you gently place your palm over the back of Fushiguro’s hand.

Fushiguro stills underneath your touch and you have to restrain yourself from giggling at the intense redness that floods his cheeks. His flush deepens even more when you find yourself unable to completely suppress your amusement, your quiet laughter filling the air. He’s quick to draw his hand off of your shoulder to rest by his side.

“Good. I’m going to go rest in my dorm now. See you later, Senpai.” His words nearly slur together with how fast Fushiguro spits them out. You don’t even have the opportunity to say goodbye in return as Fushiguro swiftly turns around and rushes inside of the dorm building.

He’s awfully cute when he’s flustered, you muse. A silly grin crosses your face unconsciously as you attempt to sear the image of Fushiguro blushing into your memory. Maybe, your feelings aren’t as unrequited as you think.

“Ah, young love.”

You jolt, spinning around to face the owner of the voice. Your grin falls as soon as you make eye contact with the individual.

“Gojo-Sensei,” you deadpan. Your brow twitches in annoyance at his elated expression. Knowing him, he probably eavesdropped on your entire conversation with Fushiguro. “If you took any pictures or videos, I am going to kill you.”

His grin only widens at that.

“Too late.”

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

Omg do you have more cute hcs with the lov and class1a/1b

I dont care how long or short it is, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE READING THEM 💕💕💕💕💖 😊😊

Theyre so comforting <333

YES I HAVE A BUNCH. COME TAKE IT ALL.

Tomura is an expert in video games, right? Well, he's currently working from afar with Hatsume and Melissa to create a VR system to help the kids at UA train.

Everything because the first thing he did when meeting Nezu was telling him the UA system sucked.

No more public exposure, no more simple barriers keeping away the villains from the kids, no more pushing them to dangerous places with no proper supervision.

The new job of the League when it comes to working is the UA is keeping the place as safe as possible and helping the kids recover from the trauma of the war.

Dabi doesn't like working directly with the kids, so his job consist on patrolling around the UA. In case a crisis is reported, he's the first at the place and his job is to keep the crisis on minimum 'til the teachers arrive.

The funniest part is the type of crisis he has solved so far. They include:

Helping people with their crushes because they tried to confess and caused an accident. (Dabi has the fun of his life with it, being honest).

Accidents in the kitchen. (No much he can do except using Shoto as a way of taking down the flames).

Stupid fights (He is banned from helping in those since he cheered for Shoto when he was fistfighting Iida for saying something to Midoriya).

And his favorite: keeping Mineta at bay. Dabi is not the type of gentleman that defends women constantly, because he just doesn't care about helping anyone. But Mineta is a type of gross he would have incinerate in the streets if he was a man and not a kid. So instead, he just walks from a safe distance and keeps scaring the kid when he's about to annoy one of the girls.

Tomura always find Dabi is the halls complaining about the no smoking rule

They make fun of each other a little until they realize they should be working and there are kids staring at them.

Class 1-A talks about Dabi like the older brother who was in jail.

Oh, but Dabi told me...

They are actually well informed about a bunch of stuff and they know how to take care of street criminals better now.

Ah, but they're also the ones who check if he is not drinking too much, if he's having proper rest, if his burns and staples are taken care of, if he's not too anxious or depressed, if hes' taking his meds...

If he's not following one of those, they call Natsuo. Oh man, Natsuo has become the emergency contact of half the League somehow. Maybe because he has a golden heart or maybe because they all are scared of Fuyumi by some weird reason.

Shoto is the other emergency contact when it comes to Dabi, hmmm, but sometimes he just follows Dabi bad example and well.

Dabi is the anti-Santa. He's gonna give you that one gift you wanted but everyone said no because it's dangerous.

"Dabi, I'm trying to make a safer space for the kids" , "Tomura, I'm trying to make them relax".

After getting fired twice by Aizawa, Dabi is finally behaving.

This has nothing to do with the fact that he's finally dating Tomura tho.

WHICH TAKE US TO: SPINNER, THE BROTHER WHO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGES HIS RESPONSIBILITIES.

Spinner works in the same thing as Dabi, but he's the reliable one.

Getting Uraraka down when she starts floating on her sleep, calming people down when they're having anxiety attacks, noting when someone is having a bad day and requesting the teachers to let the person rest...

Spinner is the one actually helping them with their ptsd. He makes everything so easy and pleasant. It's like they're just kids taking classes and having fun.

Besides, class 1-B knows he is amazing at cuddling and people love his hugs. Just by seeing Spinner, they cheer up.

He and Shinso are responsible for the purple hair tendency among the kids of General Studies. Their heroes.

He's also the one who helps the kids with their training sessions when they need a partner but there's no one else to help them.

He became one of the official bus drivers of the school after taking some lessons and requesting a license.

He sings with them while they travel, he always has snacks in case someone is hungry and he has pills in case someone is motion sick. Well, a bunch of pills since Dabi is always motion sick.

He had a crush on Tomura but he realized it was more platonic than anything.

Now now, Tomura and Spinner have matching gamer tattoos that said Player #1 and Player #2. Dumbasses in action.

If Dabi is the problematic uncle and Spinner is the responsible uncle...

That leave us with: Compress the artistic dad and Kurogiri the dad who's always working far away but you can totally rely on.

THE VIDEO CALLS WITH KUROGIRI AND COMPRESS ARE SO CUTE.

101 Flirting with Compress.

All the kids in all courses have a personalized mask. Compress is addicted to creating them.

His beautiful, mischievous kids that once, trying to distract him, stole his prosthesis and kept it going around the school from room to room.

Turns out it was a surprise party, but man if it was fun because Compress pretended the whole time he was a pirate looking for his long buried treasure.

HE GOT A PARROT AND HE NAMED HIM RED BEAK.

Bakugo almost exploded the whole place after hearing such a ridiculous name.

Well, Red Beak loves making fun of Bakugo, repeating everything he says.

RED BEAK AND KIRISHIMA ARE BESTIES. YES YES.

The Bakusquad would kill for Red Beak.

Sero is teaching him Spanish, Mina is teaching him to dance, Denki is teaching him bad jokes and Jirou is teaching him to sing.

Tokoyami is the official protector of Red Beak. Koda is the translator.

On the other hand, Kurogiri always gives them some honey and other things when he visits the school.

He congratulates them on their achievements, he hears them for hours talking about their adventures and he is the old friend you call when it's 3am, you're feeling bad but you don't want to worry no one else.

If you want to solve a problem, call Kurogiri. He's gonna give you the clues but let you solve it yourself.

The award for the dad with more patience goes to: KUROGIRI.

If you really really need to run away from some hours, he can use his quirk to rescue you and he would prepare some tea for you, wrap you in a soft sweater and walk with you through his yard. You can pick flowers or fruit with him until you calm down. Or you can watch old movies with him. Or bake. Being with him is like floating around in the sky, no worries, just clouds and stars and soft noises and lights.

The school always knows when it happens and they are okay with it. Mostly. Just don't do it too much.

Toga is another good option if you need to talk but you don't know with who.

She's actually a great listener and an expert on making things look less stressing than they are. You see, she pays attention at your triggers and moods and if she sees something is bothering the students, she finds a way to distract them immediately, while letting the teachers deal with the problem.

Ah, the queen of gossip.

If you want to know something about someone you need to pay the prize, tho. And she won't even tell you if she considers the secret must be guarded 'til the grave.

She's the one who takes the messages to the parents because she's fast, can hide at plain sight and doesn't put them in danger.

You never know where Toga is. She someone studies like the rest of them, but she's like, selected to secret missions. She has a lot of info but they all trust her somehow.

Maybe is the fact that she would kill and take a stab for you. And that she would never put Deku or Ochaco in danger. Or her family.

She's also Mineta's biggest nightmare.

Try sexualizing the girl and win a terrifying week, courtesy of Toga Himiko.

She won't let you sleep, she won't let you eat, you're gonna wish you were never born. She can make you feel as sexualized, observed and stalked as you make the girls feel. Oh, she's gonna show you exactly how it feels to be a girl.

Also don't sexualize the boys around her either. Stabby queen is not gentle to those who are not gentle with her friends. Period.

Friendly reminder: 0 stabbing accidents since she started studying at UA.

BECAUSE THEY GAVE HER A RUBBER KNIFE.

And finally, the Tomura headcanons.

He's always falling asleep on odd places. The kids have a new name called "let's put a blanket on Tomura".

And then they call Dabi or Spinner to take him somewhere more comfortable.

He's working so hard. He's really working so hard on redeeming himself, even when everyone has already forgiven him. But he has this fear of being a failure or being too much...

The kids are also well trained on how to help him through his anxiety or panic attacks. Even more, some of them have always a pair of gloves in them just in case.

Momo is more than happy to make him more.

It's kinda sad how much he's suffering even now. That's way they all do their best to let him know his doing great.

Kisses in the cheek, compliments on how he's looking, new products to his hair and skin, playing the games he recommends, telling how badass he is when he trains them...

Somehow being around Tomura has help them realize how important is communicating stuff. They all are way healthier now.

Tomura is just... So sincere. He's been instructed to share his thoughts, because he had a problem before with communicating properly. That means he used to forget saying certain information because it was obvious to him, but not to others.

He doesn't mean to hurt people. He's just saying what he thinks. Which also means he offends a bunch of people not by accident. And he doesn't apologize because he is just doing what he's been told.

Midoriya and Shigaraki's discussions are epic. And so are their fights. Yes, they fight like siblings. Which is crazy funny because they are like "friendly reminder you tried to KILL ME" and "WELL YOU DESERVED THAT FOR BEING A DICK".

They've finally found out that you can complain to him or get a little violent and he's not gonna even blink, just hear you out.

It was because Bakugo got a little violent with him and yeah, he just stared back waiting.

You can't imagine Dabi's anger when Tomura told him about Kotaro. He was frustrated because at least Tomura did step on Endeavor and humiliated him for life, but him? He is angry with a man that's dead and gone.

Okay no, the whole League is angry about the things that has happened to the whole League. That's the thing with finally being able to relax and feel. It all comes back in a flood.

They have prohibited being around school when the parents visit. Specially because they are no very civil to shitty parents.

And if a kid confess about having shitty parents, oh boy. The League is gonna BE PISSED.

The UA is still a total chaos, but now in the right ways. They have more normal problems, they don't have to win war and kill evil lords, they complain about not having money to go out and forgetting their homework. And the ex-villians can complain about life being boring a needing more action.

That's a good thing. That means they all are healing, together.

They're gonna be fine.

[modern-vellichor]

In Her Blood; One

Pairing: Dads Best Friend!Bucky x reader

Warnings: Age gap (reader is 24 ish, bucky is like 100 yk), daddy issues, uncomfortable home life, mentions of abortion/unwanted pregnancy, implied smut, steve being a shitty dad, smoking.

Bucky stood, leaning against the kitchen island in his best friends house. Steve is standing opposite him, Sam sitting at the kitchen table, their daughter, Sarah, next to him.

He hears the door open and close, the sound of wheels on hardwood floor. Then he hears a voice, sweet and song like, calling out

"hello?"

Sarah's face lights up, she jumps from her chair and just as another girl appears in the door, she leaps into her arms. The other girl chuckles, throwing her arms around Sarah and cooing. "Hey, chicken, I missed you"

The girl dislodges herself from Sarah, smile plastered on her face, beaming. She wraps an arm loosely around Sam's shoulder, "Hiya, dad", she places a soft kiss on his head.

She simply nods at Steve, a look almost chastising him was thrown. "Steven".

And then she turns to Bucky, and sticks out a hand. Her tone changes to something familiar and sweet.

"And you must be Bucky", he takes her hand, "I'm Y/N"

Bucky is confused, he doesn't remember Steve ever talking about a Y/N in his life. Apparently his confusion was evident, because she bursts into offended laughter, scoffing at Steve.

"Oh, he didn't tell you about me? that's rich", she stated, rolling her eyes. She turned her attention back to Bucky.

"Hi, I'm their eldest daughter", Bucky couldn't hide his surprise.

Steve never told him he had two daughters, he only ever spoke about Sarah. Sarah who aced her SATS, Sarah who started law school in September, Sarah who was his proud and joy. And now here was this new girl, who couldn't have been older than 25, standing tall and stoic before him.

Sarah and Sam observed the scene from the table, they watched with a sadness in their eyes.

Instead of questioning further, he simply introduced himself, smiling at the girl and shaking her hand. Doing anything to diffuse the suffocating tension.

"Yeah, I'm Bucky. It's nice to meet you"

"You too, you live close?"

"just down the road, what about you?"

"Art school in Paris, home for the summer"

She had a twinkle in her eyes as soon as she mentioned Paris, Bucky's smile grew wider, as did hers.

"Paris?"

"Paris", she nodded, excited.

"That must be nice"

"Its beautiful, much nicer than this shithole. Its heaven on earth over there" They spoke as Sam dragged Steve out of the kitchen into the hall, and as Sarah disappeared to her bedroom.

Sam pulled Steve out by the arm, dragging him away from the kitchen, away from Y/N.

"what the hell, Steve? you don't even talk about her? Shes your daughter!", he whispered as loudly as he could, scalding his partner.

Steve sighed, running a hand over her face. "She doesn't want anything to do with me"

"That's your fault, you gave up on her before her life had even started. You told her you didn't want her. Did you even know she was coming home? Did you care enough to remember?"

"I remember her telling Sarah something about it, Sarah passed on the message, wasn't paying attention"

"Christ's Sake, Steve"

-

Sarah ran to her room. Away from the looks her father gave her sister, away from the tension, away from her dad's tears, away from the memories flooding back to her.

She hated Steve for ruining Y/N the way he did, and he hated him even more for never apologising. She doesn't blame Y/N for running away to Paris either, she seems happier there.

She still loves her father though, that would never change.

Bucky sat with Sam at the table, beer in hand. Steve had long retired to bed, the two girls were giggling in Sarah's bedroom. The two men were silent, and in Buck's need for conversation, he let his curiosity get the better of him.

"What's the deal with Y/N?"

Sam paused, for a second and then sighed.

"She's Steve's bio daughter, had her with some woman a few years back, before we got together, before Sarah. When Sarah came around their relationship went to shit, Steve didn't like it. She ran away to Paris for school, stopped talking to Steve, dont blame her"

"sounds tough. How old was she when she left?"

"22, poor Sarah was only 16, broke her heart to see Y/N leave"

Bucky was used to being around all the time, but now summer had rolled around, he was here all the time.

practically living in their house. Sarah was used to his presence, but Y/N was wary. She rarely spoke, especially when Steve was around. She grasped at any chance to get out of the house, or to lock herself in her room.

It was either 'bonding time with her sister', or 'making up for lost time', and if not that it was 'school work', or 'extra curriculars'.

Bucky woke in a sweat, he had slept in the guest bedroom. Nightmares followed him though. He silently made his way down the stairs, padding softly on the carpet. The backdoor was ajar slightly, the familiar smell of smoke wafting through the crack.

He pushed it open to find you, blanketwrapped around your shoulders, cheeks wet from old cheeks, a cigarette smouldering between dainty fingers.

He said nothing as he sat next to you, mimicking your position, crossing his legs. He brought the cigarette to his lips, taking in a long drag, before handing it back to you. You laughed, "I didn't think you smoked"

You brought the smoke to your lips, tasting him on the butt, infused in the filter.

"I used to, back in the war"

"everyone smoked back in the war" Bucky nodded along, smiling with you. You rested your head on his shoulder, he smelled familiar and soft.

"What's the deal with you and your dad"

In a moment of exhaustion fueled vulnerability, you didnt think about your answer, instead just spewing out the truth.

"I dont think he actually wanted me, I think he just couldn't let my mom get an abortion"

You sat together, in silence for a while, before you sat up, and turned your body to face him. You studied him. You traced his statuesque features, steely eyes, plump lips, your eyes played at his carved abdomen, dancing over his arms, one shining in early morning light.

He studied you in turn, tired and sad eyes, smoke spilling softly over perfect lips. Beautiful body curling in on itself in the cold.

You leaned forward, lost in your subconscious, desperate for a close look, you wanted to see the cracks and pores and scars littering his tan skin. "why are you awake?", you whispered.

"nightmare"

Your eyes fell to your legs as you giggled softly, "so that makes two of us"

"well maybe I can make you feel better"He gripped your chin, forcing your gaze to his. It was strangely intimate, that's what hurt the most. He pressed his lips to yours. You returned the kiss of course. Desperate and vulnerable, your arms snaked around his neck, his hands pawing at your hips and thighs.

This was wrong, you knew it was. You had already decided that this was a bad idea, you didn't care. Not with his fingers playing at the hem of your shirt, or carded in your hair, tugging lightly to pull the sweetest of moans from the depths of your chest.

Oh, you'd regret this later. But now, you were lost in the feeling of his lips on your neck, and his hands down your shorts. The soft silk of your bed sheets were a welcome contrast to hard metal and hot flesh. A welcomed distraction from the pure filth he whispered against your skin, leaving colourful bruises in his wake.

"please", you mewled over and over as he chuckled darkly. You knew this was wrong, but those thoughts weren't at the forefront of your mind as cool fingers expertly invaded your body and his tongue was licking hot stripes up your bare thighs.

Then, as you were slowly coming down from a lust drunk state of mind, he had the guts to pull you close against his chest. You knew who Bucky Barnes was. You knew he was best friends with Steve and Sam. You knew his past, you knew his present. Here you were, curled against him like he cared.

You weren't stupid. You knew he had objectified you to gods end. You knew that he thought you were less of Steve's daughter than Sarah. He had completely dissociated you from Steve and Sam, Sarah too.

So you waited, until his breathing had slowed and his heart rate was near nonexistent. And you pulled him off of you, and you sat yourself up, swinging your legs onto your carpeted floor. Back bone straight. He didn't care so much now, he definetly didnt act it-

He moved, rolling towards you, snaking his arms around your waist and humming.

"hey"

You froze.

"hey", you stared down at the man in your bed, strands of dark hair framing his herculean face. Blue eyes boring into yours.

"I'm sorry"

"for what?"

"about you and Steve, it must be tough"

You pulled the hair tie from his hair, snapping it around your wrist, running slender fingers through knotted locks.

"don't you worry about it"

"I suppose i'll see you to it, then", he untangled himself from you and picked his belongings up from the floor, pulling his clothes back on.

"see you around, soldier", you smiled.

He stopped in your doorway, throwing a smile back at you. "you too, kotenok"

[nanamismami]

high. suna x reader

and to my message you reply

hi. is this another suna fic based around “why’d you only call me when you’re high”? yeah...whateva

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

warnings: angst, toxic relationship, drug use, nsfw if you squint your eyes and do a little dance, vomit (suna got sick:(), fluff

genre: angst, fluff

wordcount: 2104

a/n: is it fanon? yeah. a little ooc? yeah. sorry :(

fic below da line :)

        a late night always holds many possibilities. a party, a date, at the least a break from the status-quo. yet somehow you always manage to find yourself at the exact same spot every time.

        suna’s front porch had changed several time since you first started rendezvousing with him. he had a habit of buying large plants, but forgetting to take care of them.

“the only thing he spends more money on than weed is houseplants,” you chuckle. he was still calling you, though he had failed to open the door after five minutes of knocking. you retrieved a key from the underneath of a dying hydrangea plant and let yourself in.

        not all of his late night calls were for personal pleasure. there’s been many times where he needed a place to hide from an angry dealer, or an extra $20 from his doting partner. more often than not, he needed someone to ease him off of a bad high. suna has bought laced all too many times, and couldn’t turn to any other responsible figure but you. “you’re really good at it,” he would tell you when you inquired about him calling someone else for once.

        his messages were a frenzy of “i need help”, “please come over”, and a million other vies for your company. it had been like this for about seven months: he phones you, you get pissed, and yet you still show up to his doorstep. admittedly, your meetings were generally for sex. you weren’t ashamed of it; but he was. 

you told yourself you wouldn’t ever stand for a shitty relationship. yet here you were: a glorified booty call for an emotionally distant man. he only kept you around by taking you on the occasional date. buying you a gifts when he thought you needed one. empty promises of “we’ll put a label on it soon, they’ll know soon.” you knew it was a lie, he did too. but what if one day it wasn’t? what if one of these days he really did mean it? you could get intoxicated off of that feeling, fulfilling his every request for a bit of attention. there was nothing you wouldn’t do to hear “i love you” cascade from that boy’s lips.

        pushing into his house, you see him in a crouching position in front of his couch and, god, was he shivering?

        “rin? what the hell happened?” you said to him. you didn’t yell for fear of breaking the odd calmness he seemed to be in. his reaction to your worried questioning was delayed. his usual cat-eyed stare was almost comically large. 

        “went t’ a party. took ‘sum. don’t feel good,” he managed to slur out. you threw a large knit blanket over his shoulders and sat next to him. “what did you take?”

“a tab.” 

“of what?”

“i don’t know.”

        great. you knew the rest of the people at the party were probably just as high and would be of no help. 

        not knowing what else to do, you moved him to sit on the couch and grabbed a glass of water. it’s not the first time this has happened, and still he never remembers in the morning. every time he’d wake up and find himself in your arms, he’d blame it on the high and take a shower. suna never asked about the money you spent on ibuprofen to make him feel better, or the hours you’d spent soothing his paranoid psyche, or hell, the shower you’d already given him because he’d made a mess of himself. he never knew about the frantic research you did trying to find out how to detoxify whatever drug he managed to find himself on that night. that’s not what matters right now, though. not to him at least.

        “how long ago did you take it?” you asked him. he was sat with his chin resting on his knees, hesitantly taking small sips of water.

“an hour ‘fore i left the party, bout two.”

        was there ever a time he checked on you? did he stay up late wondering if you were safe? he did seem to care some about you... anything physical, he bought for you. he always left you feeling satisfied. was it okay to want more? is that what you deserve? of course it is. you should be with someone who treats you with sincerity. someone who shows your beautiful face off to their friends. someone who when they talk to you, they aren’t-

        you checked your phone. three: twenty-seven. there’s no point in trying to regurgitate it now. his hands were shaky, and lost grip of the plastic cup containing probably his only source of hydration within the last twelve hours.

the loud crash of his cup on the hardwood helped direct you to the true nature of the relationship you found yourself in. the silence of the home as you went to refill his water didn't help either.

        the sudden rush of water falling from the cup onto your hand caused you to jerk you arm back and shut the faucet off. turning around, you’re met with a looming body and a hazy gaze.

        “you’re taking too long,” he commented.

        you set the cup down and looked up at him. you had a right to know what he was thinking, even if it wasn’t clear at the moment.

        “rin…” you whispered. he bore down at you and his eyes sharpened ever so slightly. he must be a bit more cognizant of his surroundings, even better for your question.

            “why do you only call me when you’re high?’

        in your head, it was beautifully executed. the moonlight coming in from the sliding glass door, your enunciation, his careful gaze. christ, it could be straight from a movie.

        suna was a very bad actor. your performance was rewarded with a pile of vomit at your feet and a half passed out man leaning on your shoulder. you guided him back to the couch and laid him on his side, then cleaning up the kitchen. 

       coming back, you find him awake again, lousily sitting on the couch. he at least had washed his face and changed his clothes.

        “i’m cold. come hold me,” he demanded

        you really couldn’t help the smirk on your face. he was so needy when he was like this. obediently, you sat facing suna, and he launched himself on top of you. maybe this is why you stay. it was satisfying feeling needed by a man who wanted for very little. you stroked his dark hair and lightly kissed the shell of his ear. “do you feel any better, sweetheart?” you only call him names when he won’t remember them. sober suna would roll his eyes and ask you to not call him that.

        “you make me feel better.” honesty wasn’t ever a symptom of his current state but hey, you’ll take it.

         in fact, you’ll take full advantage of it. “rin, you’re not going to remember this in the morning, are you?” you knew what the answer was

“...i will.”

        your eyebrows knit together and you pull his face to meet yours. his arms snake their way around your neck, his weight forcing you to lay down. suna shoved his face into the crook of your neck. he breathed out lightly, refusing to meet your eyes.

        “y/n...why are you so good to me?” is he aware of what he’s saying? does this mean he’s remembered every other time and refused to acknowledge it? questioning his integrity might just ruin it, so you only massaged his scalp.

“because i want to rin. you make me happy, and i want to.” a half lie; would he care?

“but you could be happier without me. i dont get it.” 

        “i love you too, ya’ know.” it was a concerningly matter of fact statement, especially from him. “i wish i could show you. you're just so pretty, and smart, and just so... so good. you’re pretty scary, you know that? how am i supposed to be vulnerable with someone like you?" 

         if the ever observant middle blocker couldn’t figure it out, how the hell would you? there’s only so many things you can fully understand.

“because i love you, rintarou.”

you probably shouldn’t have said that, and you knew it. never once had either of you brought up that word. it could easily be the rock to shatter the glass house.

        his soliloquy is almost laughable, it’s only what he knows what you want to hear.

“are you still high?”

“not really. my stomach hurts though. and i’m kinda hungry.”

        he didn’t get up. instead, he asked you to roll over so that you were both lying on your side. 

        you had no idea if he was being truthful. he isn’t exactly one to say i love you so freely. but he knows you are close to leaving. a slightly calloused thumb strokes your cheek and lifts your chin,

“i meant it.”

“no, rin. you didn’t.”

        a look of genuine hurt colored his otherwise bored face. did he really mean it?

        “were you telling the truth?” he asks.

        were you? there wasn’t exactly another explanation for your actions.

        “i think so, yeah.”

        “then so was i.” you thought it was bull, opting to shut him up before he could give you anymore false hope. before you could kiss his face, he beat you to it.

“that’s bullshit, rin.”

        it was tentative, hesitant. he knew you weren’t really convinced. if there was a god, he prayed that they would make his testament of truth pass from his lips to yours. if there was one thing he knew he couldn’t live without, it was you. he would not be able to tie his own shoes if you weren’t there to teach him. but how were you supposed to know that. he fucked up big time, why was he just now realizing it?

“after our first date, i told the whole team i was gonna marry you.”

“the coach too.”

        suna rintarou telling the entirety of ejp about his love life is laughable. you wanted to believe it, really, you did.

        “that doesn’t line up with everything else that’s been going on.”

        “y/n i-i know. i’m sorry. i’ll change.” his pleading was pathetic, to be honest. he’s made those same promises before.

        he was desperate at this point. suna knew he was in the wrong. there had to be a way to save this; he didn’t like seeing you sad, seeing you leave.

        he pulled his phone out, pressing a few buttons here and there. “look!” he said, shoving a new instagram post in your face. it was the only picture he had of the both of you together. he had let you take it. it was a timed photo, facing the two of you in his reading chair. you sat sideways in sunas lap, and your arms were tightly wrung around his neck. he was looking down at you, and you were pretty sure (you hope) he was smiling a little. the caption of his post was simply a heart.

“that’s just a social media post.”

        there was that word again. he looked like he was about to cry and there was emotion in his voice, could he really be lying? 

“baby please. i’m serious. i’ll do anything."

the usual flat tone of his monotone voice began to have some melody to it. against his own will, it was shaky, trying to find the best words to sing.

"i’ll take you out every day, a-and i’ll get you front seat tickets to my game. anything, love, please just don’t leave me.”

        there’s something sweet in a statement that you don’t know the validity of. you can dance around it, pretend it’s true, pretend it’s false. sometimes, you can choose for yourself what tune to dance to. that’s what you’re doing now.

        suna’s large hand was petting your cheekbone, and one of his legs was thrown around your body, imprisoning yourself to his ambiguity. how would you win his approval if you disregarded his one showing of vulnerability?

        “i would never leave you rin. now get the fuck up so we can go to your bed and sleep.”

        his sheets were a pleasant greeting compared to his scratchy couch. he laid flat on his back, pulling you so that half of your body was on his. he slowly leaned toward you, kissing you forehead, nose, cheek, and just about anywhere else he could on your face, finishing with your lips.

        you could definitely tell he was lying about how deep his true lack of sobriety was when he threw you over his shoulder, his bad posture refusing to adjust for the added weight.

 he always knew you cared too deeply about him, but getting see what you did for him when he wasn't supposed to know. it did things to him. his bedroom door was already open, and he jokingly tossed you onto the bed. not enough to hurt you, but enough to convey his desire for a bit more normality. because that's what other couples did, right? he was trying.

“goodnight, y/n. i love you.”

        it was almost instinctual, the way you smiled and chastely pecked his lips. laying your head back down on his chest, you sighed airily.

“i love you too, rintarou.”

[irameii]

HEATHER:||: ERIC

Warnings:|| one sided love

Summary: I wish I was her....

A laugh rings throughout the air. One so familiar, you cant help but smiling automatically at the sound. His presence, one that illuminates wherever he goes. Slowly turning around, there he is ,your best friend.

There it is , a smile, a gesture so simple yet it causes a million butterflies to flutter within you and causes your mind to go fuzzy. Its like he doesn't know his own charm or the control he has over you, but no one knows. No one knows the feelings you carry within.

(Idkh these pov thingys work yet sorryy)

Eric: y/n!!!!!!. Eric yells as he jogs closer, and grabs y/n's shoulder y/n: yes Eric?* deep breath* Eric: did you do the homework for math class? * Breathe* y/n: Yeah I did.I actually finished it before class ended yesterday. Eric: you're gonna let me see it right??? *heart beating gets louder* Take a step back Y/n : nope. You should've done it. *starts walking down the hall* Thinking he's wandered off you let out a deep sigh... Knowing if you let him beg enough youd cave in and you knew better. He would never learn this way.and soon enough you could see yourself falling farther and farther into his grasp over time and he didnt even know it. You let out one more sigh before turning around to see Kevin , who cant help but look at you concerned. Kevin: whats wrong y/n?

.. You avoid eye contact. Kevin is one of those people. Someone who can tell when someones upset. He can read you well. So you knew you had to leave quickly. Y/n: I didnt get much sleep last night. So I'm feeling quite off today, its nothing serious. *nervous laughter*

He seems to kind of believe it since he just nods his head as if he can see it apparent on your face.. But something feels off, like he's pretending to believe you for your sake but you just excuse yourself and head towards the bathroom.Totally unaware he hasnt stopped looking your way since turning around as he nods to himself again as if comfirming somthing to himself before turing to head to his own class.

Y/n Pov

*splash*

*in a quiet voice* 'Whats wrong with me..'.. Its like the moment I look at him I cant help it. My heart begins to race, my stomach ends up feeling funny like there are millions of butterflies, and I get nervous and run away each time he gets closer... *Looks back at self in mirror* only if he knew...

(5 min later.)

*sigh* *walks towards math*

Other POV

You sit down before class begins , and there it is again , his laughter, but this time its different. You cant help but turn around to see whats caused the change in his voice, and its like your throat gets caught. Her. The girl he always is talking to you about.It seems like he was finally able to build the courage to talk to her. The one he wants to take to the movies to see his favorite movies with. The one he wants to show his safe places to . The one who keeps him up at night. The one he wants to wear matching clothes with. The one he wants to spend his holidays with. Her. Its her. Guess he didn't need the homework anymore afterall.

You quickly turn back around , trying to keep your emotions in. You feel yourself go colder with each sound. A tightening feeling in your chest builds everytime you hear them laughing . You sigh and breathe in slowly , praying the class ends quickly .

The moment class ended you jolt up quckly and grab your things and head towards your locker for the next class.

Y/n Pov

*sigh* *grabs snack for break*

Eric:y/n!!!

I dont respond.

Eric:y/n? Whats wrong .*looks concerned*

There he goes again.

Nothing Eric i say. He looks in disbelief. Knowing theres something off.

Eric: hmmm.You sure sure?. Hmm Well lets go with the rest of the guys. They are waiting for us for sure. *wraps arm around shoulder*

It was like a sudden new reflex. I didnt mean to. But jerking away from him seemed like the only thing that my body felt like I should do...

The look of surprise on his face made me feel embarrassed I reacted that way. And as soon as it looked like he was going to ask me what was wrong again I speed down the hall.

And there I meet the rest of the guys , thankfully.

New: thank goodness you're here. Look help me out. Changmin keeps saying this chucky doll here is cute... Come get him .

I cant help but laugh. I take a seat next to Sangyeons right side while Juyeon is on my left.

Juyeon looks towards me as i sit and smiles that crescent moon kind of smile. Of course i return it .

Y/n: I dont know about chucky being cute. But his bride is quite a beauty tho.

New:..... You... You two are something else with your horror movies... Like... You know what, forget it. *laughs in defeat.*

Y/n: *dramatic gasps* my oh my you say that like WE'RE the weird ones.🙄👀

Sunwoo and Q: periodt👀👏

Eric finally arrives.

Eric: Guys!! Guess what?

Sunwoo: you did your math homework for once?

Eric:.... Mm well Uh no, i didnt

Sangyeon: you didnt ask y/n for the answers this time?

Eric: no i did, but she said no. I got it from. H/n (her name)

Hyunjae: so thats what it is. You spoke to her?

*breathe*

Eric: yes and guys, like, I think I've maybe got a chance.

There he goes again... Her. Its all her. JUST her...

Jacob: so did you ask her out?

Eric: yeah I did. I invited her to our movie night tonight. I was gonna ask you guys if you guys were cool with it beforehand but I didnt think I would must the courage to.

Juyeon: anything for you to get the girl. We got you

New: IF he gets her. She just doesnt know the headache she's in for.

Sangyeon: Guess all that practice on y/n was worth it.

Practice...

Thats all I was....

He says it smiling towards me , not knowing the hurt his words have just caused subconsciously but I cant smile. Not even a forced one. I just pretend I didnt heard him.

Eric: yeah she told me she actually thought I was dating y/n but of course I could never. We're like siblings.

Ouch...

New: true...

Q: I dont even think eric is y/n's type anyways

I make eye contact with someone who seems to have been watching my every move.

Kevin...

He looks like he is observing everything... From my reactions to my responses.After another 3 seconds he looks away.Not saying a word either.

Everyones laughing. Everyones congratulating him.

Younghoon:y/n?

Everyone turns to face me.oh .

Y/n: hm?

I was too lost in thought. I spaced out.

Sangyeon: What time are you coming by?

Y/n: for what?

Sunwoo: for the movie. We gotta all be Eric's wingman here. He needs all the help we can offer.

Oh.. She will be there too? Can I handle it? Yes? No? No I cant handle it

Y/n: Uh i cant . I have something that just came up. I just remembered.

I lied. And sure enough. I was seen through.

Eric: like what?

Y/n: something

Q: really? What is it? Maybe we can help you out so you can come by and hang out.

Something is snapping within me. I need to leave.

Y/n: no thanks. You guys have fun.

I get up before they give me a response. I cant be around them . not until i get over these feelings. But its harder than i thought. But i dont want to take it out on them either so I should try.

Everytime We'd see each other after that. It was HER. It was either him with her or about her.

Everytime in class, itd be HER.

Every text , HER.

And the guys went along with it.

And everytime , itd hurt. A punch to the heart. And a bit tighter it would feel each time.

And the constant reminder that its just HER and will always be HER..

only if he knew.. I wish I was her.... its like the way he'd talk about her was like he was telling you the reason for his existence, the way his eyes shined when hed see her and then theyd soften when she'd smile at him,the smile he'd have when hed describe her or simply talk about her and trust me he was always proud to, or the way he tried to contain his happiness when she'd come around to speak to him just showed me all i needed to know.

He loved her. She made him happy . Thats all that mattered.

I felt one of those sad smiles form. Because though he was happy . I was not. I dont want to be reminded its not me constantly..so with thaat thought. I call it quits. Until I no longer feel this feeling. I'll distance myself so I can let go properly and move on with time.

I suddenly stopped responding to the gc messages. Slowly started to decline to hang out. But it seems it wasn't a big deal though. She was there eveytime instead.She became apart of everything they did. And with that I started to spend all my time in the library as a way to naturally distance myself. The guys were worried at first. But once i told them I needed perfect scores to get into my dream college, they decided me spending most of my time in the library for it was alright. It was for my other "dream college" so I should put it first they said. For my future they said.And then they also suddenly stopped asking me to hang out.It didnt take long.They also suddenly stopped directing messages towards me in the gc. Personal messages as well. Slowly one by one. We stopped having things to talk about ,like we've become strangers with time.. Now to just glances every now and then, that was all. Other than that, we became just like strangers. Strangers with memories....

Suddenly..

Kevin: y/n...

*Distant laughter*

I turn to look at Kevin.Sensing he had something to say but it wouldnt come out. He looks towards the table and I follow his gaze towards the table full of boys with her in it. I can only smile. I smile when they errupt with laughter at something new and sunwoo said. Happy they're happy. And with that I turn back to Kevin.

I can only smile at Kevin. No words. Just a smile.

The look on his face says he has something to say still present.

For the past 6 months. He would have that same look on his face when I'd walk past him. But hes never actually stopped me.

Kevin: y/n...

And just like that . Suddenly I'm wrapped in a warmth I didnt think I missed. And it's like it went quiet..and the sound of sniffling fills my ears , and his hold gets tighter. Oh Kevin..

THE END.

Authors note: Maybe I can male a Pt2? This one turned out bad tbh .

I did not edit this but i will later onnnn thank youuuuuu

[iknowicanbutwhy]

To anyone who thinks texting is a billion times worse than talking on the phone and that texting is a miscommunication disaster ready to happen: I get you. You're probably 100% exactly like my friend who I hate texting despite how i rather appreciate talking with them on call or in-person.

Hear me out, though. Please.

You know what's weird? I love talking with my other friend on text more than i talk with them in real life. No, it's not because they're untalkative irl. No, it's not because they have a different personality in text. No, it's not because they have any trouble whatsoever communicating in-person (more than the usual trouble everyone sometimes deals with).

It's because I'm the one with the auditory communication issues. I stammer and stutter, I can't forward my opinion in that microscopic pause between people talking, i can't think quickly when i or someone else is speaking, i can't think quickly, and i can't double check my grammar when ive already said something - among other problems.

And that friend i like to text? Just so happens to be skilled at texting.

Yes, texting well is a skill. Something that you can learn and cultivate and look up on Google. So if you hate texting and find it irredeemable, you probably don't have the skill for it. But you can still learn just by using your normal speaking skills while remembering and sticking with only a few bitty - yet crucial - rules of texting.

You may not want to learn to text. You may want to speak and text only when necessary. You may defend your point by stating that texting lacks key human communication, such as body language, tone of voice, rhythm of voice, and other context that adds to the meaning of words in a way texting could never have. Aaaand you'd be right, actually. Italics and bold and emojis/emoticons and writing style can only do so much while the imagination fills in the gaps - and unlike with books, if the imagination sees/hears something terrible in a text, it's offensive instead of interesting.

So, what about the people who don't have the skill to make coherent, intelligent sentences with their mouth in the first place? The context doesn't help too much, then. Of course, why should you have to learn how to text when clearly these people who are afflicted by their inability to speak should be learning how to talk, because it's more effective and healthier for them that way?

You're right, they should be learning. And they are! There's no avoiding speaking in real life unless you're mute, selectively mute (let's be understanding), deaf (sometimes they learn to speak and that's awesome), or something else I can't think of. Those with speech impediments - when they don't know sign or there's no one who knows sign nearby - are generally forced to try to speak, and are constantly training to communicate well. People with social anxiety don't want to be afraid of talking, and especially if you befriend someone with social anxiety in real life and talk with them in-person, they'll try their best to open up in-person too. And me? Who can't think fast enough to speak for some reason? I'm trying to change that, too. I hate being unable to speak as well as I text, because speaking is more efficient.

But it would still be really, really nice to have a deliciously complex conversation sometimes, and for those of us with trouble speaking, we developed the skill of texting to better fulfill that human need to communicate and share. We're trying to speak. But.. it would be really nice of you to text.

To text more than just "okay"

To elaborate on "I can't"

To exclaim more than only "ah"

To give something that isn't difficult to find a specific response to.

And it can be easy to; we text-savvy people swear our hearts on it!! Google provides lots of good links when you search "how to text well," but I'll sum up a few common tips to texting with meaning.

Text proportionally. This is probably the only rule you need to remember, because all-in-all, the best way to text someone (if they're not sending one or two words a text) is to follow in their example. If they ask your opinion? Tell them yours and ask theirs. If they send texts of two or three sentences each? It's polite to try responding with the same magnitude (keyword: try. You can't always do it). They send you a paragraph? You don't have to send one back (even though that'd be real cool) but if they seem to be expecting a thorough response, don't be afraid to tell them you can't think of much. Just make sure you follow tip #2. Just imagine what it's like talking to a cat that only meows vaguely at you in response. Maybe you think the cat is smart enough to somewhat understand, and you're getting the chance to let your thoughts out at it, but getting basically nothing back is kind of boring.

Dont send curt, few-worded answers. This includes saying just "k" or "ah" or part of a sentence that you're never gonna finish. It sends the message that you're not interested in thinking about whatever the person texting you just said. Sometimes you can send a tiny response as a joke, but do it over and over again, and the other person will think you're never interested in talking. If you're not interested in talking (not just in text, i mean audibly too), it'd be less rude to simply say your not up for talking, with a short, polite apology.

Respond as soon as possible to a genuine question. If you need to think, say so. If you can't respond just yet, say so. This is a personal thing for me. I'm in the middle of a conversation that has been active for a while, i ask an important (sometimes timed) question, and nobody responds for an hour. I lose confidence and take the silence as "no, don't be ridiculous," and take back what i said. Then, very suddenly, i get a response finally informing me that someone needed to ask their mom and the conversation took a while, or they were researching the question, or chores suddenly came up, or etc etc. People get busy all the time, and especially on text, it's easy to suddenly drop out because something irl shows up. But it's hard to tell the difference between being ignored, missed, or being considered. Your excuses are valid, but even a vague "brb" and then later a quick explanation would be more informative than straight silence.

If you need to leave in the middle of a conversation that's been very active, say so. Building off of the last one, it's just polite to be informative. Now, you don't have to say you're doing this at some specific location for a particular amount of hours and you'll be hanging out with whats-their-name and then you'll go into the bathroom and pick your nose in the mirror - no, you don't have to be specific. Just make it clear that you'll be gone for a bit and you'll get back to the conversation another vague time. It's polite, that's all, and alleviates the worries of all us anxious individuals who think "oh no did i say something wrong its been like 20 minutes and they left suddenly-"

Try to leave an avenue of conversation open for the other person to pick up on. This one is easy because generally, all you need to do is think of an open-ended question that isnt yes-or-no. Say something, then ask a question that relates to what you said that the other person can add to. Like.. the other person said they like a certain band, and you like that band, too. You could tell them your favorite song from them and gush about why, then ask what their favorite song is and why? Then it's up to them to give a good response.

If a conversation turns exhausting because you feel like you're pulling all the weight, then drop it and politely say goodbye. There's all these tips about good texting but sometimes, when you can't bring the other person out of their shell or they are genuinely uninterested, it's because they are the ones not doing their part in the conversation. You've tried your best, and if they wont thank you, then I will. And someone in your future who knows how to text and is interested in what you have to say will thank you in their heart. Just, not the person who you're walking away from right now.

Observe the texting "body language" of others. This sounds weird, but examples of this would be using bold to outline the absolute importance of things, italics to slightly emphasize something, s p a c i n g to signify your mind being blown, emojis to express light emotion (unless someone uses way too many, which, that's just a bad habit and sometimes an art form), "ha" for sarcastic laughter, fjsjskajfjie for real laughter, ALL CAPS for high energy, etc. Im sure you can Google it, too, otherwise you can just learn from experience. It's all generally very universal unless you meet a Homestuck, and pretty soon, picking out and giving out emotions in everyday text will be a little easier.

That's all I got right now. Thank you for reading this far and indulging me with this topic. It's okay if you want to keep your avenues of conversation far away from texting, because it's all your own choice, but just know that if you ever do find someone interesting who speaks better in text, it's not impossible for you to communicate with them as well in that format. Just takes practice :) (<- that's a genuine, gentle smile, otherwise I would use c: or :3. Someone else may use it differently, however. Think of it like my personal accent.)

[renlimotroll]

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Mintosu × Siruko (side), one-sided Limone-sensei x Siruko (main)

Summary: It's not the butterflies that tell Sensei that he's in love. It was the death by a thousand cuts.

Tags: angst, heavy angst!!!, endgame MinSiru wedding, long fic, unrequited love

Warning: BL, Cursing, Imagination, but I like to keep my characterization 80% canon.

Ren's notes:

Before you read this, I want to say that this is Sensei’s POV, so the MinSiru moments will come across as sad and painful. I love Siruko-san, Mintosu-san and Limone-Sensei equally, and this is only just a story, okay? Please come into the story with an open mind and finish it with no attachments. Also, ready your heart.

I woke up at 3am and started writing this because all my best thoughts come at 3am. I was supposed to write cutesy, romantic Christmas stories, but when inspiration hits, it hits. This story is 100% MinSiru because no matter how pseudo-canon LimoSiru is, it's not what people want (wow, bitter Ren is bitter).

This story might be controversial, so I spent a week debating whether to publish it or not, but after all the hard work and me trying to be poetic, it would be a waste to keep it in my folders.

I'd like to thank Taylor Swift for possessing me with her poetic ghost. I listened to "The Moment I Knew", a song about her bf not coming to her birthday party, and was filled with so much angst because it hit home too much.

Please enjoy and don't blame me for your holiday blues!!

This story didn't have a happy ending.

Because the moment Limone-sensei realized he had fallen in love, he knew he was screwed big time. And it won't end well for him. 

But that was okay, because all he wanted was for this person's happiness. This person deserved it more than anyone else in the world, and Limone-sensei will do everything in his power to make sure he gets it.

He being Siruko-san.

He didn’t like them, at first. Limone was a possessive, jealous friend, and when he learned Hana-chan met new gaming friends, his first instinct was to shoot them. But how could anyone not love Siruko-san? He had a beautiful soul, a kindness rare to the human race. Siruko-san was the kind of person who could bring a group of people of different personalities together and make them all get along well. It was really easy to fall for someone like him, and no matter how hard Sensei tried not to, it just happened. 

After that, it was death by a thousand cuts.

The first cut came out when they were shooting a video. He always looked forward to the four of them shooting, because that meant he could see Siruko-san. But something about the Bintroll leader was off, had been off for days actually. Sensei knew because Sensei watches all his live streams when he can, and he was observant. It made Sensei’s heart weak, but because they weren't that close and they didn't have the same level of friendship Siruko had with Mintosu-san, Sensei couldn't just LINE him and say, "Hey, is something wrong with you?" But something happens with the Minecraft trap he was making for Hana-chan, and his first thought was, I can use this as an excuse. So he calls Siruko-san and all is saved, and after that they start to communicate more, outside the games they play for Hana-chan's channel.

Sensei's plan to get closer to Siruko-san fails, because the more time he spends chatting with him, the more he gets to know Siruko-san, the more he falls in love. They text almost everyday; they VC on nights they both couldn't sleep, on days something good happens and they both wanted someone to share it with. And then Sensei realizes something that'll break his heart forever.

One day, after Hana-chan wrapped up the first Atsumori video of them, and Sensei and Siruko moved to private messaging on Discord and continue to chat and talk like they always do after each shoot (sometimes about editing and most times about nothing), Sensei thought it was time.

"Siruko-san."

"Hm?" The purple head answered absent-mindedly. Because they're on a video call, like they've done most times now actually, Sensei could see his beautiful purple eyes fixed on something in his monitor. He's reading the comments on the latest Bintroll video, and Sensei always finds it endearing that he's always liking all the comments. Sensei does read his comments too, but he thinks it's too troublesome to like all of it. It's just not his style.

Sensei decided it's now-or-never. "You like Mintosu-san, don't you?"

Siruko stopped scrolling, eyes shifting to the webcam. Sensei kept a straight face, fakes being detached and indifferent to the reply, but it's something he already knew. He's seen it in the way Siruko-san almost always talks about Mintosu-san when they voice call, in the way that he's always so soft and patient for Mintosu-san. Sensei saw Siruko scrambling for an answer in a panic and took that as a confirmation, even as Siruko-san started to deny it.

"W-what's gotten into you Sense--? O-of course not!! I-what made you say that? Mouuu, is this a prank?? Stop joking with me Sense-- hidoi yo!"

Sensei rolled his eyes for effect, but his chest is heavy with something he can't explain. "You're a fucking idiot. Just spit it out, okay? I know it. Don’t make a fool of me."

"I really dont!" Siruko vehemently opposed it. A moment later, he gave up and sighed in defeat, because Sensei always saw right through him. "I-is it obvious?"

Very, Sensei thought, but instead he went with, "I don't think Mintosu-san knows. That guy is as dense as the air itself."

They fell into silence, and Limone-sensei was very sure right now that Siruko was thinking of the green robot. His heart told him, “No, don't say it, don't do it Limone!!”, but since when has he listened to his heart? So he said to Siruko-san, "You should confess."

"E-EHHHH?!?!"

"Tell him what you feel, Siruko-san."

"I-uhhh… Minben-san is not…. And I c-can't… uuummmmm…."

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop being a fucking coward, okay? If Mintosu-san accepts your feelings, then good. If he rejects you, then you'll learn how to move on. But I won't let you just keep this to yourself." Limone face-palmed himself internally, thinking hard about how he’s such a fucking liar and a hypocrite. The wide, scared puppy eyes Siruko-san is showing melted his heart. It's his weakness. But Sensei never gave in to any of his weaknesses. "I've watched all your videos and we've been friends for a long enough time for me to be sure that you love him, Siruko-san."

"But… but what if Minben-san..." Siruko whispered with this lost, desperate voice, and Sensei gritted his teeth to keep himself from falling apart. He had to do the right thing, even if it meant ruining himself.

"You'll never know if you never try. That's why you need to do something about this, instead of carrying it in your heart all the time. At the very least, it'll give you answers." Siruko looked so unsure, and Sensei knew he's thinking that Minben-san will never like him, that he's thinking bad thoughts about himself, and Sensei won't let Siruko belittle himself again. "Stop overthinking this! It's all in your mind. I said it, didn't I? You'll never know if you never try. Don't make me call Mintosu-san myself and tell him your feelings."

"A-ah!! Okay okay!! I'll… think about it?"

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

Siruko smiled that sweet, precious smile of his, and usually it warmed Sensei's heart, but today it brought a thousand cuts. "Thank you Sensei."

"Whatever. Now hurry up and finish liking those comments so we can go to sleep."

"But you can sleep! I told you you didn't have to stay up for me!"

"And since when have I ever listened to you?"

"All the time." Siruko muttered, but Sensei heard it, so he faked being insulted with a "HA?!?!" and Siruko laughed (and Sensei loved that laugh), "Nothing, nothing!! Of course you'll do what you want, Sensei, you're badass like that."

"Damn right."

And a week later, Siruko texted him "Sensei, I did it!! Minben-san is my boyfriend now aaaaa!! Thanks so much Senseiiii!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄"

And Sensei replied "Good for you. Congrats." then went back to bed. Stared at the ceiling for long goddamn hours. He tweeted to his followers that he didn’t feel good so no video today, and turned off his phone.

And it felt like there was a big black hole in his chest. He didn’t get up to eat, he just stared at the ceiling, hating himself for being such a goddamn coward. He finally knew what it felt to be pierced through the chest like those characters in DbD, only his bleeding wasn’t physical, just metaphorical. The pain was real though. So real it cut him open and every breath was hard to get.

The next day, he moved on. Or at least, he pretended he did. One day of moping was enough. He replied "I'm fine" to everyone who texted him even when he's not. He had to be fine. 

It's just death by a thousand cuts after all.

The next time it happened, Sensei had just finished playing a horror game and he felt accomplished. He was about to reward himself with a cookie even though he doesn't really like sweets, when the notification sound for a video call rings. He answered it automatically and he's greeted by a crying mess, and his heart dropped in response.

"Siruko-san?"

He didn't get an answer. Limone tried to make him calm down and breathe, and thankfully Siruko-san listened to him. The poor guy hiccuped and sniffed, and Sensei was already plotting Mintosu's death. He'll make it look like an accident too. One can’t play video games in prison after all.

"*sniff*... we had.. a fight, tente-… He got angry coz he said I was smothering him. I swear I didn't mean to nag, Sensei! I was just worried coz you know!..... Minben-san doesn't keep normal sleeping hours… well, I don't too so I don’t have the right.. but I was just worried, Chenche-!!"

Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Okay, so maybe he won't kill Mintosu, but he deserves a punch. Maybe two. In times like this Limone wished he could run to Tochigi and comfort Siruko in person. He'd been there once for a business-related meeting, and instead of staying in a hotel, Siruko offered their home. It was a nice trip, and he got to meet Siruko's lovely folks and brother. It made him guilty but also fulfilled for some reason, that he was able to stay in Siruko's house and spend time with him. It was something his internet relationship with Mintosu hasn't had yet at that time.

Forcing himself back to the present, Limone took off his glasses and wiped it with his shirt. Ever since he urged Siruko-san to confess, he became somewhat a confidante to their relationship. Siruko would sometimes share the good stuff but also vent out his frustrations. The positive point of this is that Sensei got to talk to Siruko-san, but it low-key stings as well.

"Siruko-san. You know what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Heck, you know Mintosu-san so well, so you should have known that he loves his freedom. I'm not saying you're wrong for worrying, but Mintosu-san is… well, Mintosu-san after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"I know that." Siruko sulked and pouted and sniffed again. He really should blow his nose. Sensei resisted the urge to wipe his tears from the monitor by clenching his hand under the table.

"Sometimes… sometimes I feel that he's not my boyfriend."

Sensei couldn't help it, but this ugly, dangerous thing called hope arises from the pits of his locked-up emotions that he squishes down every single time. He's only human after all. Limone forced himself to remember who it was that made Siruko-san laugh, who it was that Siruko-san always worried about, who it was that Siruko-san loved, and gods Sensei wished it was him, but it's not.

In his wallowing he didn't realize Siruko-san was still talking, "...and he doesn't even text me good night, and I'm not asking for so much romantic stuff, but would it kill him to at least say he loves me too?"

Siruko stopped, waiting for a reply that Sensei forced through the shards of glasses in his throat. He killed the thought that sprung in his mind, "I'll tell you I love you everyday if you were mine.", and instead he settled for, "No, it wouldn't kill him." 

Sensei continued because he doesn’t hate Mintosu-san. The guy's a good guy, and he can see why Siruko fell for him. Even his annoying sides are endearing. Sensei wanted to defend his side that Siruko-san might have missed.

"But Siruko-san, you knew he wasn't the romantic, hearts-and-roses type of guy, and you fell for him anyway. Don't you think it's a bit unfair of you to expect him to suddenly be a sweet-honey-words kind of guy? If you really wanted things like that, talk to him about it. Guide him through it, coz for all that idiot's bountiful of APEX skills, he sucks when it comes to emotions. Talk to him properly, and maybe back off with the nagging a little bit."

Siruko considered his words and looked thoughtful, and Sensei swallowed the bile coming up his throat, half-wishing they’d break up even though he just helped fix the misunderstanding. Finally, after long minutes of silence, Siruko showed a hint of that really cute, embarrassed smile. "Thanks Sensei. You're really good with advice."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Siruko chuckled a little and Sensei was content with that, he told himself. Just that slight hint that he was able to make Siruko-san feel better was enough. He doesn't want more, he lied to himself. "I might start to call you love-sensei now www. How come you're so good with relationship advice but you don't have a girlfriend? Want me to set up someone for you?"

"Do it and I'll kill you. You're lucky I don't charge you consultation fees."

"Coz you love me~" Siruko sang playfully.

You have no idea, Sensei thought hard. "I'll fucking kill you, bakagayo! Now if you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"It's just 12 midnight! Since when do you sleep so early?"

I actually won’t. I'll lie down and imagine ways I could treat you better than he can, then hate myself for thinking such evil, selfish thoughts. But Sensei replied instead, "I just played a horror game and I went out today, so I'm a bit tired." Sensei knew Siruko-san would feel guilty he disturbed Sensei, that's how well he knew Siruko-san by now, so he followed up immediately. "Shut up, don't apologize. I'd always make time for you, you know that." The teacher said quietly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Siruko's pretty lips lifted up in one corner wistfully. "Yeah."

The conflict of Sensei liking that smile versus the painful confirmation that they'll only ever be friends clenched Sensei's heart tight. "Then, good night Siruko-san. Ja na, mata ne.”

"Bye bye. Thank you, Sensei."

Sensei lay awake the whole night, until dawn came and the golden rays of the sun filter through his windows. It's like this every time, and Sensei should have been used to it, but he's not. He let the pain wash over him, thinking he might not be a sadist like what people think, but instead he might actually be masochistic.

But he'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

The third time, or he's not sure since it's been so long enough that he's not keeping count anymore, it was Siruko-san's birthday. He had just finished streaming Minecraft, and he put the Bintroll stream on background while he got something to drink. He didn't notice at first, but he knew something was wrong. Siruko-san was good at pretending, sometimes too good, so it's no surprise if the listeners didn't hear it, if even his own friends didn't know. But Sensei knew, heard that off-note, that slightly forced laugh, slightly louder, more exaggerated reaction. From the way Bintroll reacted too, they knew it, or at least have noticed it enough, but the show must go on. It's a livestream, and it's an unwritten rule among streamers that no one should break down during that. He knows that Siruko-san is happy, he really is, but something was missing. Or someone.

"Call me when you're done streaming." He typed on LINE, knowing Siruko-san is checking his phone. Not for his message of course. Never for his.

They finished the stream without reading the superchat donation, partly because Siruko-san was tired laughing and talking from the stream, but Sensei knew the other reason. He waits, but he also knew Siruko-san wouldn't call, because he doesn't like imposing on someone, troubling someone for something he thinks he can endure, even if it breaks his heart. He's too kind to do that, even if that was dumb. How many times has Sensei told him it was okay to rant to him, to call him when he's in trouble, or even when he's just bored? How many times has Siruko-san done it too, but each time Sensei has to reassure him that it was okay, he's not disturbing, that Sensei wants to listen to him. Siruko-san is truly dumb and masochistic, keeping everything to himself until he explodes with it, and there will be ugly messy crying and moping for days and drowning in alcohol and not leaving his bed. Sensei knew him too well. And if it was in Sensei's power to, if not protect him from things that can hurt him, then to pick him up when he's down, Sensei will do it, no questions asked.

Maybe Sensei is dumb and masochistic too, he realizes, as he dialed Siruko-san's number.

After 14 rings, during which Sensei is thinking of a hundred and one ways of killing Mintosu even if he has grown to also be close and endeared to the guy thanks to Siruko-san's efforts of getting the three of them to play together, Siruko finally picked up. He's silent, but Sensei knew he's there, and it just meant he wasn't in the mood to talk. Sensei could pick up the low sounds of sniffing and knew he was crying. Damn it. Sensei could take a million broken bones if it was just him, but just a hint of Siruko-san hurting and his knees lose strength.

"What happened." He demanded, but nothing. Silence answered him. Sensei waits and waits and waits. It always took so much coaxing, because no matter how friendly and sunny and cheerful Siruko-san always appears to be, he's an introvert who has insecurities deeper than the ocean and a long list of anxieties making it hard for him to open up sometimes. But Sensei is a patient man. He's already broken the walls Siruko built, passed through the mazes of Siruko's brilliant mind and fragile heart, and if Siruko-san makes more walls, Sensei won't ever be tired of breaking it down. Because beyond those walls is a precious, child-like heart that only wanted to be loved and accepted and happy, and it was very simple to give those things to him. Sensei knew he could give it.

"Minben-san."

"What."

"He…" Sensei sees it without really seeing it. The opening of the waterworks, tears flowing down. "He promised.. he'd come."

And Sensei understood immediately. Goddamnit, that fucking idiot. He could picture Siruko waiting, checking his phone from time to time, waiting for a Discord notification. Smiling and laughing as people wish him happy birthday, and it makes him happy, it really does, but it's different.

"Sensei.. you're really smart, right? You're love-sensei, right? So can you tell me…" Siruko sobbed, breaking Sensei's heart to a million pieces. "...what do you do.. when the one who means the most to you… is the one who didn't show?"

Sensei held his breath. Horror games he can do. Minecraft he can do. This? He doesnt fucking know how to fix this.

"Sensei… thank you by the way… you… you gave me superchat even in the middle of you streaming…You always do that, and it’s really thoughtful...  that was really nice… thank you."

And Siruko dropped the call. Sensei clenched his fist, wanting to punch something. It was 4am, but he moved into motion almost without thought. Bought a train ticket to Tochigi and boarded the first train as soon as the station opened, carrying nothing but his wallet and phone and earpods. It took about two hours, and he stared as the view changed from high-rise skyscrapers to something a little more green, a little more rural. He took a cab to the address he knew so well; he's been here so many times that he's already a familiar face.

"Sensei..?" Hakotaro-san opened the door, surprised, but also relieved. He let him in without so much ado, even though it was too early. Sensei realized it's a Sunday, and it's still breakfast time. It's a weird time to come over a house, but maybe Hakotaro-san has an idea of why he came. He said "ojamashimasu” and took off his shoes.

Papataro and Mamataro were surprised to see him, but they welcomed him with warm smiles, asked him how he'd been, took him to the dining table and forced him to eat breakfast with them. Sensei really likes them--this house, their family--and it makes him miss his own back in Hokkaido. He apologized for coming unannounced and gave them the big cake he bought in haste because it's rude to come to a house without a gift, and they waved him off, telling him it's alright, although Siruko-chan's still in his room, probably still asleep. It's not a surprise to Sensei because he knows Siruko-san doesn't eat breakfast. He chatted with them and felt warm, because they treat him like he's a part of the family too, and Sensei knows where Siruko-san got his kindness from. Siruko and Hakotaro got their looks from their father, but they both got their mother's sweet smile.

He waited in the living room and scratched Baron absently as Hakotaro-san came up to his Niisan's room, and Sensei chuckled when he heard Siruko's loud, panicked shriek. Sensei liked cats more than dogs, but Baron is a good good boy. He's a bit older now so he's calmer and more domestic than most dogs, and Sensei loves his quiet company. Hakotaro-san came again and brought him snacks and a glass of water, and Baron followed his master and jumped on his lap like he's still a puppy even though he's bigger now. They sat in silence, because while they're friendly enough to have exchanged banter or two, Sensei's actually a bit more quieter and serious off the camera, off his online persona. The silence was actually nice, comfortable even, because it gave Sensei time to think and evaluate. Why the hell did he come here so impulsively?

"You would have been better for him, Sensei."

Sensei almost choked on his own spit, actually coughed a bit at that statement, shock covering his face. Hakotaro-san continued to brush Baron's fur as if he just announced the weather and not like he just delivered the finishing blow to Sensei's already pining heart.

"I--uh… what?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love Minben-san too, and I can see how he tries his best to make Niisan happy, and I'm supportive of them. But Minben-san…. He's too independent, too free. Niisan's better off with someone he can spoil but also someone who spoils him. Niisan likes to be needed, but also is needy himself. I know Minben-san is trying, and I know he loves Niisan with all his heart, but if it was you, Sensei, it would have been easier. Less clashing. You're both equals in a sense that Niisan can give and take, that… forgive my Kansai metaphor for the lack of better expression, Niisan can be boke but also tsukkomi. You balance each other in a way."

And the truth is, Sensei did think that too. It's not that Mintosu-san is a bad guy, but he's someone that was already happy and content by playing games, and complicated things like emotions and things like that is not his forte. He's been friends with the guy long enough to know who he actually is even off the camera. Mintosu did not strike him as someone who could be raw and open, which is something you need for a relationship to work. And Mintosu also seemed that kind of guy who would feel confined with the commitments of a relationship.

Mintosu-san is a great guy, a really good person, but he's not a natural lover. He's tough and doesn't mince his words and doesn't do the hearts-and-flowers and the feelings thing, and that's not wrong, but sometimes Sensei thinks he has a better relationship with his fans and listeners than with Siruko-san. He was always more considerate of them, kinder, gentler, and maybe it’s because that kind of human interaction is simpler and easier.

But that doesn't mean Mintosu didn't love Siruko. Heck, it's a testament to how much he loves Siruko-san because he always tries hard to be what he's not. Sensei knew that Mintosu-san tries his best to remember important events, to send gifts and take Siruko out on dates, to be more generous with his I love yous. Mintosu-san is good for Siruko-san; he knows Siruko-san full well and understands every part of him, and they can be a really good team when they try hard enough. They have this shared history that Sensei can't ever replicate. Sensei acknowledged, respected, and supported their relationship with all his being; heck, he's even the one that triggered it into happening. 

And Sensei hated himself everyday for this, but he wished he was Mintosu. That if one thing had been different in this universe, he wished he could have been what Siruko's heart wanted. That he was the one who received Siruko's kind, loving smiles, who got to make love to him, who got to give him the happiness he very much deserved. Limone-sensei would have been so good to Siruko-san, would have given him the attention he craved and the reassurances he needed. He would have been strict to him because Siruko tended to forget everything when he's so addicted to a game, would have crashed his stream to scold him to eat, but he also would have given in to Siruko's whinings, because there's very little Sensei can deny Siruko-san. He already does all of these things, but only as a friend, never more than that. He would have given him the universe if Siruko-san asked for it. 

But Sensei had no time to indulge this self-pity, because his universe came out of the room, covered head to toe with a soft, velvety brown blanket. His beautiful purple eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Sensei wanted to bundle him up and just envelop him in his arms to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but in this universe, he didn't have the right to do that.

"What are you doing here?" Siruko-san pouted. Sensei wondered if he was disappointed that it wasn't his lover that came to surprise him. His voice was hoarse, either from streaming or crying, Sensei didn't know, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t take care of Siruko-san the way he wanted to, because in this universe, Siruko’s heart wants what it wants, and that was Mintosu-san. 

"I brought you cake. Happy late birthday."

"I don't like sweet things though." Siruko-san sat between his brother and Sensei and casually placed his head on Sensei's shoulder, because they're close enough friends he could do that. Totally platonic, to Sensei's disappointment, but Sensei let him. That's one thing about Siruko-san, he's clingy and surprisingly craves touch. Sensei draped one arm over him and pats Siruko's shoulder, and he thought about where he finds this easy to do, Mintosu would have been repulsed yet forced to give this level of affection. He felt bad for Mintosu-san, but not that much, because at least Siruko's heart belonged to him.

Sensei rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, like I didn't know that. It was lemon cake."

Siruko snorted playfully underneath the blanket. "Because it's from you?"

"What else?"

The three of them sat in silence for a while. It should have been weird but it wasn't, at least not to them. Sensei decided to break the silence and finally reveal what he came here for. His exhaustion suddenly washed over him--a few intermittent naps on the train wasn't enough--but he had to do this. He'll never let Siruko-san cry again, not if he can help it.

"Go take a bath and wear some nice clothes, bakatare. We're going somewhere."

Siruko sat up like a puppy who had been called to attention. "Where?"

"To Nara, to Mintosu-san's house."

He saw the hurt and betrayal and refusal in Siruko's eyes, but there was also this hope and desire that made Sensei feel what he's doing is right even though it's not what he wants to do at all. "I-it's okay Sensei," Siruko denied, "I-it's really okay and I… I'm used to this. Minben-san texted me that he forgot and got tired from streaming so he fell asleep, that's all. You don't have to do this and I… I'm fine."

Sensei stared at him hard and Siruko flinched. "There's no reason to go there, and besides, I'm sure he's busy, and--"

"Does there need to be a reason?!" Sensei suddenly raised his voice, and he stilled himself. Sometimes it's so hard to control his emotions, and he's so so angry but he can't be, because there was no black and white here. He can't blame Mintosu for unknowingly hurting Siruko because he had never been that kind of guy anyway, one who prepares romantic stuff to surprise his lover on his special day. It was an honest mistake on his part, and even that was just, so Mintosu. And he also can't blame Siruko-san for this, for expecting something more, because it was his right as a boyfriend, his right to get the simple happiness he wanted. Sensei took a deep breath to calm himself. Here were two people who loved each other but sucked at showing it, and if all they needed was a little push, a little nudge to the right direction, then Sensei was willing to make himself fall apart just so they could both be whole.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Sensei said in a hushed voice. He glanced at Hakotaro-san who didn't interfere and made a reaction, just watching them. "If you want to see him, that's good enough reason, Siruko-san. And when you see each other, you'll fight and be at each other's throat, but also make up and forgive, because you can't let this misunderstanding be unresolved. It'll be a festering wound, and I can only see this incident as something that'll come back and bite you in the future. I know both of you too well because you are my friends. I know you, Siruko-san, that you'll say you're fine now but you'll never forget this, and you'll bring this up against him every time you see the chance, because you were hurt and you'll want him to acknowledge it. And I know Mintosu-san, that he'll get sick of it because he can't tolerate your emotional needs, he'll push you away and turn the blame on you again like he always does, because he has always been a prideful person. And you're both idiots but you're both not wrong for being what you both are. So if I have to drag you to Mintosu-san's house by stuffing all 175cm of you in a suitcase, I swear I will, because you both need to talk."

Siruko freezed, processed everything that Sensei said, and stormed back to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, because for all their silly fighting, Siruko is too similar to Mintosu sometimes, both idiots who likes to bottle their emotions inside of them, and when confronted with it, will run away from it. Hakotaro-san hummed in consideration, making Sensei jump a little because he had honestly forgotten about him.

Sensei cleared his throat. "What?"

"You're right, of course, but I still stand by what I said. Their chemistry is too… explosive, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Their similarities make it stable, but both being water signs, one moment they can be as peaceful as a lake, then the next it's a raging tsunami. Them knowing each other so well works for them, because they have their own level of understanding no one can reach, but that also means they know each other's buttons and what ticks each other off, and they both use it against the other. I don't like that Niisan always has to apologize first and he just goes along with what Minben-san wants so they don't clash, but I also don't like Minben-san being forced to go out of his comfort zone to be this person Niisan needs him to be. Their love can be something so very beautiful, but it can also easily turn into something toxic.

On the other hand, while you and Niisan are very different from each other, it's complementary. What the other lacks, one makes up. People have this misconception that Niisan is outgoing, but he just finds it easier to make friends on the internet. So while you, Sensei, is extroverted, it complements Niisan being introverted. Niisan's patience can keep up with your need to try new things, and your ability to back down works with Niisan's need to be right all the time. You're fire and water and it shouldn't work but it can because you're both emotionally mature and flexible enough to balance each other out."

Sensei didn’t get scared easily, but now he did, because his palms are getting clammy and there might be actual goosebumps at his nape. Was… Hakotaro-san reading his mind? Did Hakotaro-san… know he's been harboring these feelings for his older brother all this time? He knew the younger one had always been observant and intelligent like his Niisan, but to this extent? Sensei resisted the urge to shiver.

"Why… are you telling me this?"

Hakotaro-san shrugged. "No reason. I know Minben-san and Niisan will get through this, especially with you always helping their relationship. I want what's best for my Niisan, but I also want what makes him happy. Give me a moment to talk some sense to him. He'll only go to Nara if you come with him, so, yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Hakotaro-san bowed slightly and Sensei was a second too late to return it, mind reeling from the analysis the blonde just revealed, and by the time he recovered, Hakotaro was already in his brother's room, and he's left alone with Baron and Pii-chan in the living room.

It took everything in Sensei to not get undone in that living room, to kill the rising hope in his heart that maybe, maybe he has a chance. Maybe he should just let this incident go, so that if their relationship sours, Sensei can swoop in and show Siruko-san how to be properly loved and treated. If they break up, Mintosu will be free of this emotion thing that shackles him and do what he loves the most, sometimes more than his own boyfriend, which is gaming, and that would be best for him. And Siruko, sweet, dearest Siruko, won't have to settle with the scraps of affection and attention Mintosu-san gives him, because Sensei can do it. Sensei can come to every one of his birthday stream and be touchy and affectionate and open, and he can love him more than this. 

Gods, he wished he was a horrible enough person so he can be capable of ruining a relationship.

An hour passed, and Hakotaro-san told him his Niisan was calm now, so Sensei entered his room. Siruko, who looks like a burrito with that blanket bundling him, glared angrily at him, but without any heat. Sensei settled on his gaming chair.

"You're mean." And the buriko ojiisan actually stuck his tongue out at him, the nerve.

He's mean?! As if Mintosu didn't bully him every time. Tch. "So?"

"Do you even know how far Tochigi and Nara is? It's like 6 hours away by train."

"And if your dramatic ass didn't throw up a tantrum, we would have been in the train by now."

"See?? Meanie!!" Siruko accused, turning his back to Sensei. "I'm not sure I wanna talk to him. I don't even know what to say to him."

And Sensei thought, this is it. He could say that they didn't have to go, and let this misunderstanding pile up with their other issues until it blows in their face. But he glanced at their rare framed picture on Siruko's desk, with their wide smiles, Mintosu's arm draped over Siruko's shoulder while holding a peace sign and Siruko looking at Mintosu with such adoration in his eyes, and Sensei can’t. 

"I'm sure you can think of something during that stupid 6 hour ride."

And Siruko looked back at him, gave him this soft, grateful smile and said okay, and Sensei tasted cotton balls in his mouth. If only Siruko knew how awful Sensei's thoughts were, he wouldn't be so trusting of him. Sensei's stomach is filled with gravel, and it makes his body heavy and sick with something medicine can’t cure. A martyr, that’s what he was, or a living thing but dead inside. Loving Siruko-san was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

And in the train ride to Nara, where Siruko spent most of the time sleeping on Sensei's shoulder, Sensei should be feeling happy with this moment of just the two of them. But he didn’t.

It just felt like death by a thousand cuts.

And later, Mintosu, who did this stupid perfect impression of a fish out of the water with his surprise to see them in his apartment, jaw dropped and eyes wide, let them in. Siruko was silent and kept biting his lips, and Mintosu was genuinely confused, and Sensei would like to punch them both and go home. So Sensei acts like a mediator, almost like a marriage counselor, and at first Mintosu and Siruko refuse to let their emotions out, but Sensei shouts at them that he didn't come all the way from Tokyo for this bullshit, so they let their frustrations out and shout at each other, and Mintosu almost storms out in anger but Sensei doesn't let him, and Siruko cries this angry tears but Sensei forces him to calm down, and they both manipulate each other's emotions and are both stubborn and vindictive, but in the end they come to an agreement to be more understanding and more open with their feelings and with a promise to always talk and communicate, and they make up. Sensei faked forgetting to make an important phone call and stepped outside to give them some privacy, because the last thing he needed was to see them kiss in front of him. 

At midnight they went out and ate the best ramen in town and it was really delicious, and they traded jokes and laughed and talked about their favorite things. Sensei slept on the couch while the couple slept in Mintosu's room, and Sensei didn’t really get any sleep, because he's busy trying not to imagine what they must be doing on the other side of the apartment, and hating himself for being unable to be an awful person because once again, he probably has contributed more to this relationship more than any outsider has or needed to, and he tries to be happy for them because they are happy and in love.

Sensei asked the Mintosu's ceiling if he'll be alright and it said, "I don't know."

The last time, it wasn't really the last, but it did feel like the end. It's been more than a year, and one day, as they finished shooting a video, Mintosu DM-ed Sensei.

It's not that unusual, since Mintosu and Sensei did develop their own friendship outside of their collabs, partly because of Siruko. Sensei kind of became their go-to person when they're in trouble with their relationship, and it kills Sensei but also makes him feel like he's not completely a terrible person if he was able to help them out.

It was rare though, for Mintosu to reach out first. So Sensei voice-called him, partly because he wanted to rest his fingers, and partly because he'll be able to hear Mintosu's emotions through his voice.

"Moshi moshi Sensei!"

"Hai hai, mosh mosh, doushita doushita."

"Ano.. I was kind of wondering if… how do you say this… if you had any advice for me..?"

That was weird. Mintosu, unsure of himself? At loss for words? Is there a zombie apocalypse outside his door right now?

"For what?"

"Coz I… um… I'm planning to ask Siruko-san to marry me."

And the world stopped spinning. Time stood still, and the world turned into shades of gray. Sensei’s heart gets caught up in his throat, and his insides were being turned into mush.

"...Sensei?" 

Sensei shook his head to clear his mind, but it's so hard to breathe. He regretted voice calling now, because it's so hard to talk when his throat felt like acid. "C...Congratulations, teme!! W-wow this is such a big.. move, like wow, really. Dude, congrats…"

"Thanks Sensei! You're actually the third person I told, after my family and my best friend. I'm kinda nervous and excited for it!"

"Y-yeah… I bet you are… Listen, can I go to the toilet for a bit?"

"Sure, iterrashai!"

Sensei ran to the toilet and hurled the dinner he ate, his hands shaking. He splashed water on his face to calm himself down. He'd seen this coming, taught himself how to react when he hears the news, trained himself to accept it, but it still came crashing down on him like boulders on a landslide. This was his worst nightmare coming true.

"I’m back."

"Osu!"

"So… advice huh?"

"Yeah! The ring stuff, my bestfriend can take care of that, coz I have zero knowledge in that area hahaha. But I still don't know how to ask him. Should I go for the dinner style? Or the… blegh, ring on champagne thing? Coz I really dont wanna have to, thinking about it makes me puke, blegh."

And Sensei felt horrible for this, he really did, but he told Mintosu… what he let himself imagine in the middle of the night when he lets the devil in him take over, when he would revel in his deepest, darkest fantasies, things he would have done for Siruko-san. How he would have proposed. 

Siruko-san deserved something grand, but also private. Sensei would have made a scavenger hunt for him, but one Siruko can do in his house because he doesn't like going out, so he'll need to ask Hakotaro-san for help. It's perfect for him, since he loves games, and he's good at solving problems and figuring things out. The next puzzle pieces will come from Bintroll, and Siruko-san can VC or chat with them about it. It will give him time to spend with the people he loves the most, and when he looks back at this memory, Siruko-san would love that they were involved. The last puzzle piece would take him to a hotel though, for their privacy. Sensei would have pulled out all stops for him, rose petals and candles everywhere (he leaves this part out because he doesn’t think Mintosu-san will do this, nor does it suit him), and he imagined Siruko-san confused but super touched at the romantic gesture, and then Sensei would come out and give him an embarrassing but heartfelt speech about how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him, that Siruko was his lifeline (like the character they both like in APEX), that a man like Sensei can only love someone that greatly once, so Siruko was his one and only. Sensei imagined Siruko-san getting a bit emotional with the speech and cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and then he'd fall down on one knee and tell him how he loves everything about Siruko-san, his good leadership and charisma that makes everyone around him respect and treasure him, his supportive side that lifts everyone around him up, and even his demanding, whiny side that makes you wanna scold him but also indulge him. 

And they would have been good for each other. They compensate for what each other doesn't have. They bring out the best in each other. Where Sensei was sometimes emotionally distant, Siruko's empathy and warmth fills that. Where Siruko was full of insecurities and anxieties, Sensei was the confidence and the daring that would support him. They both have a loud personality, which, in a non-arrogant way, has this center-of-attention thing that charms people so well, but also, they both have a side that sometimes hides in the background blending in quietly, and that's what make it's so balanced, because when one roars, the other one knows how to shut up, and vice versa. They can be both assertive and analytical, but they're also both attentive and generous. Sure, they would have had some friction, but they were both understanding enough to have handled it. It would've been sweet, if it could've been him. It would've been fun, if Sensei was the one.

They would have been as natural and beautiful as the purple-blue daybreak sky.

But it wasn't. In this world, it was Mintosu that Siruko wanted and loved. Mintosu who gets to wake up in the morning next to him, who got to cook curry for him and take care of him, who got to hold him in his arms. And they still worked, despite the seemingly destructive fights, because they were proof that if two people tried hard enough, they could make it work. Siruko learned how to assert his opinions and call out Mintosu for his bullshit, and Mintosu learned how to listen and be more showy with his affection. They still have their worse moments, and sometimes they both treat their issues the same way: either pretending it didn't exist even if it bothered them, or giving the other the cold silent treatment, or have screaming fights where they throw their words like knives, and on the worst ones, someone has to interfere, most times (to his agony), it was Sensei who did. But they pulled through by some miracle, and Sensei was happy for them, he really is. They make a good couple when they actually cooperate, and Sensei wouldn’t have approved of any other man other than Mintosu-san for Siruko-san.

And Mintosu-san actually did follow Sensei's advice, to his surprise. Sensei volunteered to make the scavenger hunt for him because that's not Mintosu's strength, but he helped and made an effort to be involved in the process. There were no roses or candles or long speeches, only the few words of: "Siruko-san, I want you to be my partner in everything; in gaming and in life. Marry me." And Siruko didn't believe him at first and thought it was a prank, but when he saw Minben-san was serious for once, he dived into Minben-san's arms and shouted “Yeeees!” And Mintosu-san almost drops the ring but he was able to catch Siruko, and they laughed while their eyes got a bit moist and they spent the whole night reveling in each other's presence and owning each other in all senses. Limone-sensei knew this because they both told him, and he congratulated them sincerely and joked about buying them PC gear for their wedding gift, and later finally let himself cry for the first time.

That was months ago. Sensei's now dusting off his black suit and adjusting his navy blue tie while sitting on his chair, waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. There were two aisles that meet in a center altar, where the officiant is already on standby. Sensei was one of the few lucky people invited in the small ceremony, as usually most people attended the reception instead. Both Mintosu and Siruko wanted him to come, as they said they both owe their relationship to him. Sensei couldn't say no even if he tried, of course. Some good part of him was still proud at what he's done to help, even if his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces at the thought of attending the wedding he very much wanted to be his.

The grooms arrived and walked the aisle, but of course Sensei was only looking at Siruko-san. He was beautiful, with his purple hair combed well and there were no longer dark shadows in his eyes. Not that he has ever been any less beautiful to Sensei, because Sensei found his tired or drunk state equally cute, but this, his wide smile full of nervousness and excitement, his purple eyes shining with glee, it was too much for Sensei, because it wasn't meant for him. He choked on bitter bile and coughed, and beside him Shoichi side-eyed him worriedly. He was the only one who knew, of course. Sensei couldn't have confided in Hanachan; he was already too busy with his own things to think about, and plus, he wouldn’t understand why Sensei backed off. He would have urged Sensei to pursue Siruko-san. Shoichi only knew because he and Sensei went out eating one day and ended up in a bar, and Sensei couldn't hold his alcohol well and accidentally ranted. Shoichi promised he'd never tell anyone, and Sensei knew Shoichi also wanted to ask Sensei why he never tried, but the editor didn’t, only offered silent consolation like a brother. It helped him get through the pain and the heartache, but it never fully healed. This kind of pain lasts a lifetime, because the only love that lasts is unrequited love.

And as they exchanged vows, Sensei tried to let go. He's known for a long time now, what love really means. It meant making difficult, painful choices for the happiness of another person, more than your own. Loving Siruko was the most beautiful and tragic thing he's ever done, but it was okay. He sees Mintosu gaze at Siruko with the same loving eyes he has, and that was good enough. Perhaps such a great love like Sensei had was never meant to be returned, but it will be alright.

And when they kissed, Sensei thought it was okay. People fall in love with people they can't have all the time.

He'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

And this story did have a happy ending, just not for him.

The end.

Ren’s RANT that you don’t have to read:

About the story!

Please don't hate Minsan. I love that guy so much and even though him forgetting birthdays is almost a canon-like thing he can do, my good friend Hotaru (who likes to pretend she is Minsan's wife) pointed out that Minben-san doesn't seem like a person who would forget someone's birthday especially if it was someone special to him. He'd most likely buy you a present, although he might forget to give it to you on your actual birthday. 😂😂😂 and that's okay, it was an honest mistake on his part, that's the reason why Sensei wouldn't punch him and Siruko-san forgave him easily. It's just a Minsan thing and I love him.

I also want to point out that Minsan is also emotionally intellectual in a sense that he analyzes feelings and emotions very well, and if you watch his streams he actually has a side to him that's good at self-introspection. We just think he's not the type to show his vulnerable self, and that's why he doesn't really show up much in Bintroll livestreams, because he's more comfortable with gaming than casual chatting, and that's okay. Please don't think I don't ship MinSiru too; I was the biggest MinSiru fan and I still am, and I have probably influenced so many to their ship too. I like their dynamics as well, but as someone who has watched Minben-san for quite a bit of a long time, lately I realized that when it comes to him, Mintosu x Fans are the true canon ship. If you watch his streams closely, you'll know how much he cares about his listeners and really truly genuinely enjoys his interactions with them. He's a complex man; he has different sides of him in the Hanae channel, Bintroll channel, and his own channel, and if you watch him more, you'll fall in love with how close he is to his listeners. That's why I think Mintosu x Fans is canon www (ship MinRen for world peace and clear skin!!) (Ren who imagines herself with Minsan more than Minsan with Siruty)

I see Mintosu as someone who cannot be tied down by a relationship because that’s not him, and that’s okay because you can already see his happiness by gaming, and I love him for that.

This fic is controversial (and that's why it took me a full week to decide whether to publish it) in a sense that I've given some bad points about MinSiru. I did give them some good points, but since it's Sensei POV, it came across as sad. But just because it would be difficult doesn't mean it wouldn't work. Trust me, I'm in a relationship with someone who's almost like Min-san in personality, but we've been together for almost 3 years now. I used to think Siruko-san was a saint for enduring all Mintosu-san's trolls, coz if that was me, I would be annoyed, but there's a reason why Mintosu only does it to Siruko; it's because he's the most comfortable with Siruko3. Siruko-san is patient and understanding enough to deal with Minsan's quirks, and Minsan is also loves his company. They are more similar than people think, and that's why it's easy for them to be in sync. It'll be difficult, but it'll work. Believe me.

LimoSiru rant:

I think I’m getting better at writing angst wwww it’s just sad because if one really watched closely all four channel’s livestreams and videos, they’d see LimoSiru is beautiful too. They may not have had shared history and sexual tension, but it’s obvious how Siruko-san really supports Sensei in everything, and Sensei in return supports Bintroll even if he didn’t have to, and that’s beautiful.

I think part of the reason why I ship LimoSiru is because they make it so easy for me. It's not my fault when they are the ones who make all these cute, flirty interactions. I've started shipping them since the Fall Guys stream and have noticed how incredibly cute their relationship is. Imagine someone crashing your stream because he had this puzzle he couldn’t solve and because you’re so smart, he goes to you instead, not caring if you are currently streaming or if there are fans watching. Like seriously, Sensei, don’t you have friends? Or couldn’t you just LINE Siruko-san afterwards? If it seems like LimoSiru just happened all of a sudden, I assure you it didn’t. It’s always been there, and they started as friends too. It's almost enemies to friends to something more. In the Dedomental video, Mintosu asks Siruko-san where his name came from, although he jokes it’s kinda dirty. If you watch Sensei’s POV, you’ll hear him laugh and say “I think it’s a good name.” Siruko-san always crashes Sensei’s stream and Sensei does the same, and I found it especially cute when Sensei always superchats in Siruko’s birthday stream; first, when he played DbD with them, and on the second, isn’t it cute how he sends superchat while he’s streaming, like he doesn’t have to do that, but he did. Even in the Bintroll 100k stream, he helped them make the DbD minecraft after his own stream, and that was so on-the-spot, and the fact that he did that even though he could have just ended his stream and rested, is very thoughtful. And have you watched that sudden stream that took our wigs off? Bintroll had just received their silver play and moments later Sensei wanted a stream with Siruko-san, when he could have just congratulated them on Twitter or LINE. The conversations, gods they sound like two people who were in the early stages of dating, and it felt like we listeners were third-wheelers. They learned their lesson on stream #2 because the conversations were more proper and they kept themselves in check, but that raw, unfiltered, natural first stream was everything. I’ve always had so little content for LimoSiru and even if they didn’t do that I would have been happy, but now with that big, fat LimoSiru official thumbnail there, I have died and ascended to heaven. (As of the release of this post, they have interacted almost everyday for a week, and I don't know what to do with all these interactions! I've been so used to little content and now I'm just… dead)

But not everyone ships like me, I guess, one who can ship anything and everything equally. At the end of the day, nothing is canon. That’s the real angst in this post, hahahaha. I know the characters in my mind are different from the people who livestreams in real time, no matter how much I always try to keep the characterization close. So let’s just enjoy supporting them in our own ways.

Thank you for reading! I love you~~

[crowley-fe11]

Off suppressants

You're now chatting with a random stranger.

You both like johnlock.

Stranger: I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I've just hid it for a while now and I got used to people thinking I was a beta. JW [omegaverse. John's an omega who's been hiding his nature. 18+ just in case if anything happens and if you don't like this, please leave quietly.]

You: You've likely done so so you'd be taken more seriously, especially in your career, right? SH

Stranger: Yeah. And I wasn’t treated that great growing up so I've been talking those suppressants since long before I joined the army. JW

You: I would likely do the same if I were in your shoes. I'm just surprised I hadn't picked up on it sooner. SH

Stranger: But now that you know, I need to talk to you about something. JW

Stranger: Because I'd like to give you a heads up. JW

You: Of course. What is it? SH

Stranger: My doctor wants to take me off my suppressants. She's worried that the long term use is causing problems. JW

Stranger: By also being a doctor and knowing myself.. I think it's a good call. JW

You: I appreciate you telling me. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. SH

Stranger: Do you think our living situation will be okay? Because, I just need you to know that a lot will change. JW

You: I'm certain we can manage. SH

Stranger: We can talk more when I get back to the flat then. JW

You: Absolutely. I take it you'll be on your way soon? SH

Stranger: Yeah. I just need to pick up something from the pharmacy and if you want, I can grab some food on the way if you're hungry? JW

You: I wouldn't mind if you do. Whatever you're in the mood for is fine. SH

Stranger: Sounds good. Give me an hour depending on lines and everything. JW

You: No worries. I'll see you later. SH

Stranger: I'll see you. JW

Stranger: [Would you like to move to paragraphs or nah? I know not everyone likes to]

You: (We can if you'd like, though would you like to start?)

Stranger: [I can start, yeah. And also, I'm pretty quick with replies so if you dont get a response right away, just let me know, some of my messages haven't been going through :(]

Stranger: John soon found himself walking up the stairs to their flat, carrying a bag of take out and a small paper bag with his prescription. He walked in and set the bag of take out on the table near the windows. "I got some Chinese food, if that's alright with you. At first I was thinking pasta or something but then decided on something better," He laughed to himself and then paused for a moment before sighing. He knocked his knuckles against the table and then headed into the kitchen to tuck away his medicine for later.

You: Perched at his microscope, Sherlock heard the footsteps on the stairs that were distinctly John's approximately an hour after the last text in their conversation. As he was certain John may want to discuss the matter further, he finished jotting down a few observations from his slide before pulling himself away and helping John unpack the takeaway he'd brought. "Seems fitting, in a way," he answered as he got out some utensils for them both.

Stranger: John headed back to where he had left the bag of take out and he smiled at Sherlock briefly before taking a container of fried rice. He took one of the utensils and then sat down in his armchair. "What, ah.. have you been up to all day?" He asked, pushing their conversation from earlier for a bit later as he started eating.

You: "Just studying the decomposition of various organ tissues. Not terribly much other than that," Sherlock answered as he grabbed a couple potstickers to go with the box of lo mein, soon heading over to sit in his chair across from John. "How was your day? Aside from your appointment."

Stranger: "It was.. okay," John said slowly, nodding carefully. "I haven't been taking my suppressants since Thursday which is why.. you figured everything out based on my sudden obvious scent." He got quieter and then took in a deep breath, giving a shrug. "Its strange.. going about my regular day and people eyeing me different."

You: "As long as you do what's best for your health, that's what matters," Sherlock assured him. "Though I can imagine that might've been difficult. You're still you, when it comes down to it," he added. "Anyone who judges you differently because of that clearly isn't worth your time."

Stranger: John gave him a slow smile and then crossed his ankles as he took a few more bites of his food. "Well, I'm in for a not so fun week. I have to call off work and I can't accompany you on any case that might pop up," He told him before getting up to grab a couple potstickers for himself. He put one into his mouth before sticking an extra one into his container.

You: "Honestly, if there's anything I can do to make it even the least bit better for you, don't hesitate to ask," Sherlock offered. He could only imagine what things would be like for John until he was completely off his suppressants, and even when he did reach that point. It all seemed so tedious, just thinking about it.

Stranger: John hesitated for a moment, gazing at Sherlock before nodding and moving back to sit in his chair. "Yes, thanks.." He bit the inside of his cheek and then tilted his head, looking down at his food. "She's given me a week of pills to take. They're to induce a heat to try and get things going so that its not a disaster when the suppressants fully leave my system."

You: Sherlock nodded at that. "Would you like me to stay elsewhere during that time?" He asked John. He realised that a flatshare between an Alpha and Omega was tricky to start with, in certain respects, and heats were definitely of the riskiest.

Stranger: John hummed quietly and tapped his fingers against the side of the container as he thought it over. "I know its risky but I would actually rather you stay around in case I need something. I'm worried there will be problems that arise that I'll need someone to be able to call my doctor if need be." He hesitated and then shook his head. "Only if you want to, though. I can always find someone else to stay here with me if you'd rather stay somewhere else."

You: "I think we can make it work. Worse comes to worse, if I find I'm in over my head, I could ask Mrs. Hudson if she could check in on you," Sherlock told him. "Though we'll definitely have to establish some boundaries, depending on what you would be comfortable with."

Stranger: John nodded and relaxed more obviously into his chair. "We can talk things out tomorrow in specifics, yeah?" He flashed him a smile. "I would right now but I want to go to bed early. I've been feeling off all weekend and I can sleep in tomorrow so I'm looking forward to a lot of sleep."

You: "Of course. Take all the rest you need," Sherlock told him with a nod and a reassuring smile. He could see as plain as day that John was exhausted, and some extra sleep couldn't hurt. "Thank you for picking up dinner, by the way."

Stranger: John finished off his container of fried rice and then stood up with another soft smile towards his best friend. "You're welcome. Could you put the leftovers away in the fridge?" He asked, moving into the kitchen to throw away the container. "Preferably /not/ on the same shelf as your experiments," He added on with a laugh. He pulled out his prescription bag and opened it, taking out the container that he had been given. He popped out the first pill and leaned back, checking the time.

You: Sherlock gave a small chuckle before he got up to put the rest of the leftover Chinese away. "Don't worry, I've reorganised everything in there. The takeaway won't be anywhere near those," he assured John as he started to put the containers in the fridge. "And you'll let me know if there's anything else in the meantime?"

Stranger: John grabbed out a glass and filled it with water in order to take the pill. "Yeah, I will." He turned towards the man and leaned against the counter. He walked over to him and set his hand on Sherlock's arm briefly. "Thanks. See you in the morning?" He asked.

You: Sherlock's heart skipped a beat when John's hand touched his own, blinking a few times before he shook himself out of it and offered the other a smile. "I'll see you in the morning," he agreed. "I hope you have a good night, John."

Stranger: John lingered there for a moment before nodding. He pulled away and then headed to his bedroom. He lay awake for a while even though he was exhausted and he thought about the feeling he got when he initiated a touch between them. He had felt something shift slightly between them and he felt a small bit of excitement pulsating inside of him. The next morning, after he was able to sleep for a long while, he dragged himself out of bed. Little did he know that the off feel he had been feeling were signs of his heat, already naturally starting to formulate once he'd been off the suppressants for a couple days. It probably would've taken a week or more for those symptoms to develop into a full on heat but with the pill, it was starting to wake up his body. It wasnt a heat yet, no, but his scent was more obviously a sweet, pre-heat one. He made his way down to the kitchen and hummed to himself happily as he saw the tray of tea on the kitchen table.

You: Sherlock seldom slept much, though it never really bothered him. So it was no surprise when he managed to go to bed fairly late and wake up at the crack of dawn. That's when he figured that it might be best to fix some tea for when John was up. His body was already being put through so much, and really, it was smallest of favours that might even help his morning be a bit better. Though when John did come down, his scent immediately popped out at the Alpha. His heat would be coming soon. "How did you sleep?" Sherlock asked, even though he could see that the other was much better rested than the evening before.

Stranger: John poured himself a cup of tea and then glanced up towards Sherlock with a wide smile. The man smelled very good, John's mind pointed out as he looked over him. So good. It was insane. Had he never noticed before? He cleared his throat and then raised the cup of tea lightly before taking a sip. "Very well, thank you. I don't think I've slept through the night like that in a while."

You: "That's good to hear. You definitely needed the rest," Sherlock told him with a small smile, finding he felt rather drawn to the scent John was putting off, though he knew better. They still had to discuss what the other would feel comfortable with in his heat, and it seemed that was becoming a rather urgent topic. "Have you given the subject from last night much thought?" He asked as he sipped from his own mug.

Stranger: John leaned against the counter, sipping at his tea thoughtfully as he rolled the question around in his head. "Not much thought.. haven't had a lot of time to think about it yet." He set aside his mug and crossed his arms lightly. "Have you given it any thought? Any ideas?"

You: "Well, what are the things your doctor advised you should keep an eye on? Depending on what it is, I may just need to knock on your door to make sure you're faring alright, and keep you stocked up on food and water. But it also depends on what level of involvement you'd rather me have," Sherlock told him with a small shrug.

Stranger: John sighed and looked down for a moment. "Yes, well that all sounds good. The things she's most concerned about is the potential of bleeding and such," He explained lightly. "Which I'll be able to keep track of myself." He uncrossed his arms and set his hands the edge of the counter, shrugging as well. "So yeah, water and food is probably all you need to worry about."

You: "Right," Sherlock murmured as he considered it. "This might seem like an odd suggestion, but as I have the adjoining bathroom, perhaps it would be best if we traded rooms for the duration? Unless you'd feel more comfortable with the familiarity of your room still, which would be fine nonetheless. It's entirely your choice."

Stranger: John hesitated and then nodded slowly. "I actually quite like that idea. It might be fairly helpful." He crossed his arms again and tilted his head. "Are you okay with staying my room for the week, then?"

You: "Well, yes. It seems fair, and it would be fine temporarily," Sherlock answered. "So, is there anything in particular you'd like before it sets in? Anything I can pick up to make it more bearable for you?"

Stranger: "If I can remember back to the last time I had my heat which was, mind you, back in college, I think I was craving salty foods around the clock," John rubbed the back of his neck and then idly started itching at his scent glands, finding them irritated and sensitive.

You: Sherlock couldn't help but feel the slightest bit tempted as John's fingers rubbed over his scent glands. "Alright, I can pick up some things along those lines. Unless there's anything else you can think of, you can make sure you'd be comfortable in my room."

Stranger: John's eyes drifted shut and he tilted his head more as his nails scratched at his skin. He pull his hand back and hummed quietly. "Yeah. I'll go make sure right now," He mumbled and then reopened his eyes. He wet his lips and then nodded. He brushed past Sherlock as he walked towards his room and shuffled down the short hallway in the back of the kitchen that led to the room.

You: Once John brushed past him, Sherlock could feel his nerves light up, and intoxicating desire flash across his mind. "I'll.. be back in just a bit then?" He told the other as he immediately rushed to get his coat, not even giving John a chance to respond as he tried to hide how much his face was starting to flush. "Yes. Good. See you."

Stranger: John was a bit startled by the sudden movements but he brushed them off as he walked into Sherlock's room. He hesitated in the doorway and suddenly realized this was a very bad idea. But he didn't want to leave. He walked in slowly, leaving the door open behind him as he crawled into the alpha's bed. He ran his hands over the sheets and then buried his face into the pillows, breathing in his scent. He could feel warmth spreading through him rapidly as he surrounded himself in Sherlock's things. He raided the closet, starting to pull out soft items of clothing, towels, extra sheets, a robe. He pulled it all out and onto the man's bed. His mind had zoned in on this one task, basically making a nest out of all the things he had found. Once he had finished, he tucked himself into the center.

You: Sherlock walked to one of the corner shops near the flat, figuring a walk would help to clear his head. He had to get past his impulses if this was ever going to work, especially in the long term. And he wasn't going to lie. He liked John. Perhaps as more than a friend, and perhaps since before he found out his true nature. But it was clear that John liked him simply as a friend, regardless of whatever hormonal spikes he was having. He had to be there to support him. A short while later, Sherlock had taken enough time to compose himself as well as pick up crisps, and any other comfort foods he could think of that John might enjoy during his heat, and he soon returned to the flat, ready to help John get settled in however he needed before it came on.

Stranger: John had shed his jumper and the tshirt he'd been wearing underneath. He tossed them aside but kept on his pajama bottoms for now. He rolled around into the nest of Sherlock's stuff, trying to find a comfortable position. He was rosy cheeked and rather in heaven at the moment being surrounded by the strong scent. He soon found a position on his stomach and some of the sheets tangled around one leg.

You: Sherlock opened the door with bags in tow and was immediately hit with John's scent, heavy and tempting all on it's own. Oh no. Perhaps he miscalculated. Heats after suppressant use could hit harder than unsuppressed heats. And he could see that his door was still cracked open. Sherlock held his breath as best he could. "John?" He called out. "Shall I leave the snacks at your door and leave you be?"

Stranger: John heard Sherlock's voice and he raised his head slowly, a small whine escaping. He carefully climbed off the bed and then walked to the door, opening it more fully. His hair was messed up from rolling around and nestling into the bed. His skin was flushed and his pants sat a bit lopsided on his hips. "Hm?" He tilted his head, resting it against the doorframe. "What'd you get?" He asked.

You: Sherlock bit his lip at the sight of John, so bare and disheveled. "Here, just..." He stammered as he moved closer to hand the other the bags of essentials he'd picked up. "There's water, and crisps, and lots of other things. You can text me or tell me when I check in if there's anything else you need. But it seems like you should have time to yourself about now..."

Stranger: John took the bag slowly, his fingertips brushing against Sherlock's. He hesitated and then nodded, turning slightly to drop the bag unceremoniously behind himself. His hand reached out shortly after, grabbing ahold of Sherlock's wrist. He looked up at him, taking a slight step forward. "Your room smells like you.." He told him before lifting Sherlock's hand in order to nuzzle against it.

You: Sherlock's heart raced as John took his hand, nuzzling against it. He felt warm to the touch, and his cheeks were flushed and rosy. "I imagine it would," he answered in a whisper, swallowing as he tried his best to stay focused. "If you really want to spend your heat alone, I suggest you go back inside and close the door," he told the other softly.

Stranger: John hummed shortly and then looked up at Sherlock again. "Maybe I don't want to be alone.. but I am too scared to say it out right," He murmured to him. He nudged his nose against his hand again before reluctantly dropping it. He then lifted one hand, touching Sherlock's chest carefully with curious little taps.

You: John's touch sent warmth running through the Alpha, and his ability to resist was beginning to fail. "I may be willing," Sherlock told him softly as he reached up to caress John's cheek. "But I just need to confirm that it's what you'd want, even after this is done."

Stranger: John tilted his head into his hand, biting down on his lip as his eyes closed. "Mhm.." He pressed closer and dragged his lips against Sherlock's hand as he tilted his head. "I want this.. I think I've wanted it for a while.."

You: "As have I," Sherlock breathed, the last of his self-control vanishing as he closed his eyes and leaned in to press his lips against John's, his arms wrapping around the Omega to pull him closer and kiss him more deeply.

Stranger: John's arms wrapped around Sherlock's neck and kissed him back deeply as well, threading his fingers into the alpha's hair as he moved their lips together. He moved up onto his toes and exhaled through his nose sharply as parted his lips lightly.

You: Sherlock sighed into the kiss and parted his lips as well as his hands caressed over John's bare body, eager to touch at long last, feel every part of the other that he could.

Stranger: John tilted his head into the kiss, pushing his tongue past Sherlock's lips in curiosity. He took a couple steps back, trying to guide Sherlock ad his feet stumbled a little bit.

You: Sherlock followed into his bedroom as John guided him, keeping him steady with his hands on his waist, letting his tongue begin to explore John further as he kissed him back with more passion, more hunger.

Stranger: John soon parted their lips however, breath trembling a bit as he panted. He let go of Sherlock slowly and then pulled away completely in order to climb onto the bed. "C'mere.." He urged, reaching out towards him with an expectant look.

You: Sherlock shrugged off his coat as John moved to the bed, though he still felt immensely overdressed as he took in the sight of him, laying in a nest of the Alpha's things. "Oh, definitely," he assured him as he began removing his suit jacket and undoing the buttons of his shirt as quickly as he could manage.

Stranger: John bit down on his lip hard, his pupils dilating a bit as he watched him. He panted a bit harder and then gave a soft whine as his need overflowed. He wet his lips slowly and then gave a few open mouthed pants. "..Alpha.. c'mon," He begged quietly.

You: Sherlock toed out of his shoes before leaning in to kiss John softly to help placate him as he moved on to undoing his trousers. "Nearly there, John. Just want to join you properly," he soothed as he pulled them down and climbed into bed with him, gently embracing him.

Stranger: John kissed back firmly before Sherlock pulled back to undo his trousers. He suddenly remembered his own and shimmied out of the pajama bottoms before smiling at Sherlock when he embraced him. He rolled on top of him so that the alpha was on his back and he straddled his hips as he nudged their noses together.

You: Now that Sherlock was in the nest that John had created, it was evident just how much it smelled like him and his heat in the time he was gone with the errands. He gazed up at the Omega adoringly as he straddled his hips, letting his hands rest on them as he brushed his nose back against the other's. "You're incredible..."

Stranger: John let out a shaky breath and then pressed a short kiss against his lips. "Thank you.." He whispered gently and then pressed another, slower kiss against his lips. He rocked on his hips gently and moved his lips carefully against Sherlock's incredibly addictive ones.

[i-beg-your-parsons]

[Shreya] wasn’t in last week’s chapter, so have a fic (#1)

Relationship: Shreya Mistry/F!MC (Celestine Leblanc)

Count: 1775 words

So I’ve decided that I’m going to make this a series where I update this whenever a character (in this case, Shreya) is swept under the rug (so am I updating this every week, multiple times then? Who knows! 🙃). It’ll be good practice for me to get back into writing. But maybe not every week exactly, I’m starting my undergraduate thesis lol.

Apologies if they’re OOC, especially Aster? (She’s good friends with Shreya in this fic!!) I haven’t tried writing them much and it’s been a while since I did a fic lmao. Hope you peeps like!! Let me know if you want to be tagged for subsequent ones.

This uses the following prompts:

“My cat is more sassy than you’ll ever be.”

“Watch out! I can’t slow down! Move! Move! Move!”

“Am I good at skateboarding? Pfffft! Of course I am!”

Tags: @jellymonster, @deeohno, @coolios-beanios, @h-doodles

__

“Watch out! I can’t slow down!” 

Shreya is startled by a panicked voice, almost dropping her hand mirror on the sidewalk. She whirls toward the direction of the sound. What the - 

“Lady, please move, move, move!!” A blur of blue, red, and brown was hurtling towards her before her brain could really process anything. They make a sharp turn, just barely brushing her skirt, so thankfully she avoided being pummelled into the wall. Her three-inch heels, however, threw her off balance, making her stumble into a large potted shrub situated outside the facade of Maison D’Yew. 

Wonderful. How fucking elegant.

“Oh my stars, are you hurt?” A feminine voice calls out to her, presumably partially responsible for what had just transpired. Shreya inwardly huffs to rein in her annoyance. It would be extremely unsightly for a Mistry to throw a tantrum. At times like these, she was thankful for those dry etiquette lessons her parents made her take when she was seven. 

“I-It’s quite alright! I didn’t get hurt; just much too close and personal with this plant,” Shreya assures worried girl in her haughty ‘humble’ voice. 

(Well, something had to channel her anger. The thick branch digging into her back was not helping keep her head cool.)

She could feel the girl’s slender hands firmly grip her arms and try to pull her up. It was gentle and slow, but jagged twigs were poking her everywhere, “Ow, ow, ow!”

The sounds of her distress halt the girl from pulling her, but she still kept her grip. Her voice sounded more apologetic, if it was even possible, “I am so, so sorry! I told Zeph it was stupid to try riding the broom like a skateboard, but he didn’t really care because he said it would look cool.”

Everything was so fast and panicked and ridiculous that Shreya couldn’t help the wild giggles that bubbled up her throat as she nodded, “I can definitely vouch for the fact that it was stupid.”

Shreya could hear the girl grin, “Nice to know someone sides with me.”

A comfortable lull settles over them before the girl clears her throat. “Maybe I could try magicking you out?”

She seemed capable enough, so Shreya finds that she doesn’t mind. 

“OK, go for it.”

Flashes of green and brown lights from the Wood magick circle peek through the gaps between the leaves obscuring Shreya’s vision. Slowly, the twigs and leaves retract, revealing the face of her saviour as she leaned closer to pull her up by the shoulders.

And fuck: She was exactly Shreya’s type.

The blonde had her eyebrows furrowed in panicked worry as she gently picked off leaves that had gotten into Shreya’s hair and clothes. “Again, I am so sorry. I’ll be sure to give Zeph hell for dragging you into this.”

Shreya could feel the warmth creeping up into her cheeks and the tips of her ears. Her touch was so soothing. “It’s no problem. Is he going to be okay?”

The girl’s face scrunches up at the concern for Zeph. “Yes, probably… I think.” She opens one pale blue eye to find that Shreya was still looking at her, waiting for… what exactly? 

A furious blush colours the girl’s pale cheeks.

“I… should probably go make sure he’s okay. Have a good day, miss!” The blonde turns at the direction Zeph went off and starts at a sprint. It was only then that Shreya sprung into action, hurriedly calling out to the blonde before she left, “M-my name’s Shreya! What’s your name?!”

The blonde doesn’t look back at her, but she yells, “Celestine! See you around!”

—

“So that’s why Aoi was so grumpy when we stepped out,” Aster chuckles as she sipped her sencha tea. They’d been friends for a while, as Shreya was a regular at Maison D’Yew, despite having people who could easily run the errands for her at Mistry manor. Whether it was just a Shreya thing, or an excuse to visit Aster, the wood nymph didn’t mind. 

It was always nice to see one of her only friends.

“For what it’s worth, I apologised to Aoi the shrub before I went inside the shop,” Shreya offers. “And besides, it wasn’t all that terrible.” Her face warms at the memory of the girl — Celestine, she reminds herself — and the concern she showed for her. Shreya absently stares at the steam coming off her drink, remembering the blonde’s delicate blue eyes which were, fittingly enough, the colour of a strontium sulphate mineral, celestine. 

Her parents must be familiar with Attuneless science. I should ask her next time.

Silence descends over the two girls as Shreya spaced out and Aster observed her. She blows at her tea again, before taking a sip. “So when are you going to see her again?”

Shreya almost spills her hot drink and shoots Aster an incredulous look. The green-skinned girl pauses with a blank look of her own and blinks, before giggling as she realises her friend’s thought process.

“For the last time, I can’t read your mind unless you’re a plant. I just know what you look like when you’re excited about something.”

Shreya grips her mug a little tighter, in an attempt to fight down her worsening blush. Aster continues to observe her reactions over her cup of tea. “Or someone, in this case.”

“… She was really cute, okay?”

Aster can’t fight off the grin on her face. Checkmate.

She reaches out a woody hand to pry off Shreya’s own from her grip on the hot cocoa and pats her friend’s manicured nails. They were painted a deep crimson today. “You should ask her out.”

Shreya sighs, “But what if she’s not into girls? I don’t want her to be uncomfortable.”

Aster tilts her head slightly and blinks. It wasn’t like the heiress to resign herself to the possibility that the girl she was interested in identified as heterosexual. “But what if she is? And more importantly,” Aster leans into her friend’s personal space to whisper in her ear. 

“What if she’s into you?”

Shreya jerks back from her friend, clamping a hand over her ear. She shivers like she was just put under a shower of ice cold water. She narrows her eyes are the wood nymph as she tries to calm her breathing. “Why are you being so cheeky today, Ass?”

Aster simply shrugs with a pleasant smile. “One of us has to bring the cheek to move the conversation along. It’s obviously not going to be you, what with this smitten state you’re in.”

Shreya rolls her eyes, “Spare me; my cat’s sassier than you.”

Aster blinks, “You don’t have a cat.”

Shreya throws up her hands in exasperation, “That’s the point!”

The two continue to lock gazes in a contest of wills: Shreya with a piercing glare, and Aster with an amused sparkle. The competition was intense, as if the winner would have their argument proven right.

“Zeph, slow down! You might bump into someone again!”

Shreya’s attention immediately strays to the voice. Could it be…?

“No can do, Leblanc! Those croissants might get sold out!” A voice, presumably Zeph, answers as the front door of the café is slammed open by said male. “Hannah, my bro! Two croissants on the double!”

The short-haired blonde at the register rolls her eyes before shaking her head. “Alright, Denim. But sit your ass down, okay?”

Zeph flamboyantly stands at attention, before giving a dramatic salute. “Roger that, Pixie cut!”

“You’re being way too dramatic,” Celestine steps into the shop, putting her hair up in a ponytail, presumably to cool herself off from running after Zeph. Her hair tie is held between her lips, giving Shreya the perfect excuse to look at them.

Celestine seems to notice the stares directed at her, as her gaze connects with Shreya’s. Her eyes light up in recognition, and her hand immediately comes up to wave at the Fire-Att. 

“Why hello, Shreya! Fancy seeing you again,” Celestine walks over to their table, then rocks back and forth on her heels as she stands.

Shreya brings up a had to wave back, feeling the clamminess that had suddenly developed. “Hi, Celestine. I’m usually here every Saturday with my friend Aster here.” She gestures to Aster, who was absolutely buzzing with excitement. The flowers in her hair were blooming.

“As she said, my name is Aster and it’s so wonderful to meet you, Celestine. Shreya was just telling me about the incident this morning with my Hydrangea macrophylla, Aoi.” The wood nymph managed to get up from her seat and move towards Celestine within that sentence to grasp and shake the girl’s pale hand with her pliant fingers. “He’s thankful for your wood magick because it fixed the branches Shreya broke when she fell into him.”

Celestine draws a blank look, before looking over to Shreya for help. The heiress simply nods, but what does that even mean? She decides that it’s better to play along. “Well, he’s very welcome. I didn’t get the chance to tell him that his flowers were a very beautiful shade of blue.”

“Honestly, Aster, how many times do I have to apologise?” Shreya complains from her seat on the table.

Aster grins at Celestine’s response while pointedly ignoring Shreya, “I’ll be sure he gets the message.” She stares meaningfully into the confused blonde’s eyes, bringing up a hand to hover over the other girl’s cheek. Celestine can feel the coolness of her skin, a plant-like material that felt much like the stem of a flower. Her eyes suddenly darken into a tar-black, seeping into the veins of her translucent skin, “It’s not often that you find humans — Attuned, especially — who care as much for plants.”

Sensing the newcomer’s shock and exponentially growing discomfort, Shreya interrupts. “Hey, uhm, Celestine, would you guys like to sit with us?”

And just as suddenly, Aster is back from her Branching, “That’s a wonderful idea!” She moves to pull out the chair next to Shreya (and if it ends up skewed a little too close to her friend’s seat, well, Aster doesn’t know anything about that).

“I’ll go ahead and assist your friend there are the counter. It seems like he’s having a bit of trouble,” Aster points to where Zeph is gesturing wildly in a conversation with Hannah (aka Pixie cut), who was managing the counter. “Don’t eat her up while I’m gone,” she grins at Shreya, who blushed at the insinuation, but kept her cool this time. 

She fires back with a grin of her own.

“I make no promises.”

––

[frisbee-camp]

Let Me Help

AO3 Link//Wattpad Link

Tj and Cyrus have been friends for a long time, but will that change after life comes crashing down and impulsive decisions catch up to them? (Angst, Ambi, love notes, slow burn, aged up so they're all in high school, god tier ships, mental health, and like a whole bunch more ladies! Let’s get this angst.)

Chapter 9 Unresolved 

"What do you mean you saw them kiss!?" Cyrus had practically yelled, Nala jumped. Andi and Buffy had told Cyrus that they saw Jonah with Walker the entire night, practically attached to the hip. "He's been avoiding us a lot lately," Andi frowned and bit her lip. Buffy nodded and added, "Plus, Marty said there were rumors that Walker was dating a boy." "But, Jonah?" Cyrus said, slumped, "Jonah Hercules Beck is straight..." "No one's straight Cy," Andi said as they pointed between themselves and Cyrus, "we would know." "Yea, but..." Cyrus trailed off. He had totally believed Jonah Beck™ was 100% straight. But now that he knew he was with Walker, he felt a sudden urge of jealousy. He was the complicated one, he was the gay one, not perfect and popular Jonah Beck. Cyrus grimaced, his cheeks felt hot. "Cyrus?" Buffy said, "are you alright? It's OK to be jealous." "Yeah Cy, we all know you liked Jonah, it was pretty obvious," Andi said smiling, "but now that means you can focus on TJ! Who has a total massive humungo crush on you!"  "Guys, I don't know why I said I liked him, I think it's because he defended me. It's because he defended me right? I mean no guy will ever like me," Cyrus said as his friends gave him shocked looks. "You've got to be kidding right! You've got the toughest guy in all of Jefferson basically in love with you and you don't even see it? You're all he sees Cyrus! D'you think he'd punch his longest friend over anyone? Don't be so oblivious," Buffy huffed, clearly over Cyrus' lack of self-esteem. After that, their conversation shifted to Buffy complaining about all of the girls that flirted with Marty and Andi complaining about never being able to see Amber because of her work schedule. Cyrus stayed silent for most of it, thinking back to when he woke up in his own sweater. Any other jock would have thought it was embarrassing or dorky, but TJ had kept it. His heart skipped a beat. Maybe he did like TJ? But, at the same time, he thought about how Jonah was going out with Walker, and that made his skin burn. It was worse than when Andi dated him, at least then he thought he had no chance, but now? Now that Jonah was, bi? pan? questioning? Whatever, Cyrus was still bitter. He envied Walker. What did he have that Cyrus didn't? Art skills? He could take a class. He's an artist! He'd won an award for his screenplay. Whatever, he thought, I'll just make Jonah jealous, we'll see how he feels then.  When his friends had left after telling him that their "relationship intervention" was over, Cyrus received a text from TJ.  From Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Hey Cy, hope you got home safe and everything, I'm sorry I punched Reed... Are we still cool? 😬 To Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yes :0 thanks again,,,,,sry i was a mess lol. see you tomorrow?  From Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Of course :) See you at lunch? To Cool Basketball Guy!!!: Yup WOOP WOOp 💥 Cyrus couldn't help but frown at his own text message. Ugh, I'm such a dork. He immediately texted Buffy and Andi for help.  To GHC👩🏻👩🏾‍🦱🌈❣️: Cyrus 💕🕍✨: I think I just said I liked him because he defended me, so I'm overthinking it right? Like we're friends, so nothing will happen PLUS HES A HET!!1 ANDIII😽: cyrus stop overthinking everything, this happened with me and amber too remember???? BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️: HE LIKES YOU DONT BE A DUMBBASSSSSS, THE ENTIRE SCHOOL KNOWSSSSSSSS LOOK AT THE VIDEO I DMD YOU ON IG GODDAMN  ANDIII😽: Buffyyyy we weren't supposed to show him that.... BufFY 😩🙆🏽‍♀️: he needs to know Cyrus was never into social media, he only went on to comment encouraging things on his friend's new posts. He even had his notifications off, but once he opened the underused app, his screen was filled with dm's, new followers, and comments. He quickly scrolled through most of them. Many of them asked if he was Dating TJ?! One said Hi cy i know u dont know me but ur like really brave another said idk who ur kidding, tj is straight lmaooo and another said hey is it true? His heart raced, he suddenly needed to stand up. Where would people get such an idea? Sure, people must have seen TJ fighting with Reed, but he didn't think people would connect that to him. TJ was respected, Cyrus wasn't, why would Tj's actions be caused by Cyrus? Cyrus opened Buffy's direct message, which had been pushed to the bottom of his feed by the time he went looking for it. It was a dark video, but Cyrus managed to catch an out of focus TJ and Reed standing in Iris' living room. He turned up the volume,  "-somewhere else!"  He heard Tj say, he looked disheveled and sweaty. "GOD, What is with you. Do you like him or something?" Cyrus gasped at the same time as the camera person. Is this the source Buffy and Andi were talking about? "So we were right, you do like him! And now you're choosing him over us?! We've been friends longer than you have with that loser-" Cyrus' eyebrows raised as he saw TJ's fist come in contact with Reed's face. The rest of the video was a blur of curse words and drunk teenagers chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"  Cyrus sat down on his bed, unable to comprehend what had just seen. Now he knew why he was getting so many notifications. He didn't know TJ could resort to violence like that. Hearing about a fight is much different than seeing that. But, he smiled. TJ had defended him, plus someone liked him! Him! Anxious, depressed, confused Cyrus Goodman who hated loud noises and sports. He felt light and airy, but most importantly he felt needed, more needed than ever. He had almost wanted to come out to his parents right then and there. They were all there, of course, sipping their wine about twenty feet away. He had quickly texted his friends a shocked cat gif and turned off his phone as he walked out of his room with newfound confidence.  "Hey Cy," one of his parents had called to him suspiciously, he didn't care which. TJ Kippen liked him and maybe he liked him back.  "Hello parentals," Cyrus said cheerily as he sat in an empty dining room seat, they were still having brunch, which had now turned into wine and ice cream. Cyrus picked at the leftover grapes and popped them into his mouth grinning.  "You look very happy today Cy, what did those girls do to you in there?" Norman joked. Cyrus shrugged and chucked uncomfortably.  "Whatever happened to that girlfriend of yours Cy? Ilene was her name?" a mom said. "No Sharron, it was Ivy," Todd said. "No, I'm pretty sure it's Isa," Leslie said. "Guys, you're all wrong. It's Iris. And we were never really together and I don't want to talk about this with my parents right now," Cyrus got up to leave, but one of his parents called out to him.  "Wait! Cy! Don't close us off so quickly. Just tell us, are there any new girls we should know about?" Shannon wiggled her eyebrows, Leslie nudged her side. Cyrus laughed a little too loud, "NO," he said, "no girls mom, never."  "Never?" Todd said, quizzically. Cyrus stopped. Did I just out myself through a joke? Am I really boo boo the fool?  "Cyrus?" His mom said, "do you want to tell us something we might already know? You know you can trust us." Cyrus thought about how his parents were trained in observing and analyzing. He knew that if he didn't answer, then they'd know he was hiding something if he answered too quickly they'd also know, and if he said anything at all they'd also know. He stood still instead, hoping that some being would impossibly teleport him to a different planet. Maybe Pluto? he thought Pluto is cute, and very far away from here.  "Cyrus?" His parents called again. Cyrus stared at the wall behind them, unable to speak. He gave one last chuckle and turned to walk a little too quickly to his room. He put on his headphones, played his playlist titled I'M A BIG FAT HOPELESS ROMANTIC and looked at the messages left on his phone. They ranged from encouraging Bitmojis to angry girls telling him to back off.  Oh my god, tomorrow is going to be hell. Cyrus spent the rest of the day nervously doing his homework in anticipation of tomorrow. Normally, he'd text TJ whenever he was nervous, but now that he was the reason for his anxiety, he stuck to his history notes. He had come out of his room only when he knew half of his parents were gone. Monday morning was relatively quiet, his parents had decided to not ask him about what had happened yesterday, which he was eternally grateful for. However, that was not the root of all of his worry.  Once he got to school, Cyrus immediately knew something was different. For the first time in his life, people his age noticed him. Everyone's eyes followed him down the hall, to and from his classes, and even during the peak hallway traffic. Thankfully, he had Buffy and Andi the entire day to protect him. Sure, they could protect him from direct attack, but he could still see kids whispering and pointing at him.  During lunch, Andi, Buffy, and Cyrus sat at their usual spot.  "Okay you guys, things are different now, be prepared." Buffy had warned them both. Cyrus felt uneasy, he knew something was about to happen, but he didn't know what. They had been discussing how to address Jonah's new boyfriend without being overbearing. They decided to not bring it up.  Just then, Marty and Amber walked up to the table and sat next to their respective partners, leaving Cyrus alone with his muffin for the millionth time. He thought about texting TJ, but he didn't know what to say to him.  "Cyrus!" Amber said, "I'm glad you're feeling better. TJ should be here soon."  Suddenly, the cafeteria doors opened and in came Jonah holding hands with Walker. Cyrus made a fist. They sat down a little too happily, Cyrus looked down at his tray. He felt tears pool in his eyes.  "Hello there," Buffy eyed them. Cyrus tentatively looked over at Jonah who seemed grounded. There was something different about him as if a light he didn't know existed had been turned on. He watched as Jonah talked to his friends, he didn't listen to what they were saying, he was too busy looking at how Jonah looked at Walker every so often just to smile at him. Cyrus wanted that. He wanted someone who understood him, someone who grounded him in reality, someone that didn't make him feel so lost.  "So," he heard Jonah say in his direction, "I heard that TJ likes you. I thought you guys were already together?" Cyrus thought he heard a twinge of jealousy in his voice, but it might have been his imagination.  Cyrus suddenly couldn't handle it anymore, from the stares to the questions, to gently coming out to his parents, it was too much. He silently stood up. His friends eyed him. "I need," Cyrus started but couldn't seem to verbalize his thoughts. What did he need? Something, he needed something. "Something," he said, before quietly packing his things and walking towards the cafeteria exit. Before he could exit, he saw TJ walk in. Cyrus saw the confidence oozing out of him, his stomach churned.  "Hey," TJ smiled at him, "Where are you headed? Lunch just started." "Oh, I was going to uh-" Cyrus looked up at Tj, Did his face get cuter? "I uh, was going to go sit with Andi and Buffy and them," he looked for an escape, but TJ was already turning him back around to join his friends.  "Come on then silly, they're the other way," TJ grinned. Cyrus hid behind TJ for most of the walk back to the table, the whispers they were getting were becoming unbearable, he wanted to cry. He couldn't make himself look his friends in the eyes when he sat back down. "Is this the something you needed?" Marty chuckled, Buffy jabbed him with her elbow. Cyrus fiddled with a broken spork as his friends continued talking about Jefferson gossip. Tj had inched himself closer to Cyrus, he let him. He hadn't noticed how different he felt with TJ around. How much easier living seemed to be. Before he knew it, he and TJ were shoulder to shoulder, leg to leg. He still couldn't bring himself to look at his friends, but they were used to his daily mini meltdowns. TJ started to laugh at something Walker had said, Cyrus grinned slightly He fits in so well. He saw Tj look down at him worried, he gently pried the spork out of his hands, it had started to draw blood. Cyrus hadn't noticed.    "What's wrong? Do you want to leave?" Tj softly asked him. Cyrus gave a small nod, his heart lurched. There were too many eyes on him.  Tj quickly packed away his things and gave his friends an excuse. Before walking away, Cyrus saw Jonah frown at them.  Cyrus didn't know where Tj was taking him, but he didn't really care. In the hallway, Cyrus thought he heard a noise. Once they rounded the corner, he saw Reed, Lester, and a couple other boys he didn't know. He gulped. TJ moved in front of him. "AYYYY look who it is!" Reed said, throwing his arms up.  "Leave me alone Reed," TJ said, trying to walk through.  "Bro, we're still bros. I forgive you for the other night. I know you were drunk and shit." Reed leaned in closer and said something to TJ that Cyrus couldn't hear, but made TJ look back at him.  "Dude, leave him alone," Lester said, pushing on Reed's shoulder.  "Hey, I just want to know what we're all thinking. So Teej, what is it? Are you still choosing this dork over your bros?" Reed said. The rest of the gang looked apprehensive, they didn't care enough to cause a scene. "Dude, just leave it," One boy said worried.  "Shut up," TJ said quietly, "Just shut up." Cyrus saw TJ ball his fists and tense up. Lester moved towards Tj, but Reed stopped him with his arm.  "Tell us," Reed said.  TJ stayed still. "Teej-" Reed had said before Cyrus heard bodies hit the floor. He closed his eyes. There was yelling, sneakers hitting the floor, and eventually, he heard the voices of teachers. Someone pushed him against the wall, someone else called his name, someone else touched his hair. He didn't want to open his eyes. 

[smallblanketfort]

hey, i know this is super weird, but you give good advice so... i've been having a lot of trouble with the concept of love recently. my whole life i haven't been interested in boys or like romantic investment of any sort. but the older i get, the more i see that everyone care so strongly about falling in love... and s*x. like i get it, it's nice but.... why. i look around and i feel like everyone is just thinking about s*x all the time. and (obviously) i feel those feelings too from time p1

to time. and i’m so worried that it’s just gonna control me. where i won’t think about anything else. like is it true that everyone around me is either thinking about s*x or love or feeling aroused all the time? is there any art or beauty outside of love? and the more i think about it, the more it worries me, and the more i feel like i’m being controlled by my sexual/romantic feelings and it’s just a downward spiral

i really don’t want to experience this “love” everyone else talks about. i don’t want to lose myself to it. i want to be who i am, love the things i always have, and have no desire for love or the act of… you know. but obviously i develop crushes, and that scares me. and i’m worried that everything people do is centered around s*x. it’s an irrational fear, and i have no idea how to explain it. i just wish that i could distance myself from any sort of urges or contemplation of what love means

ah a mood! i get this disgusted feeling sometimes when i think about dating in 2018. i know absolutely no one who hasn’t met their s/o on tinder, and in my ventures into it, there’s no part of me brave enough to go forth. and, yes, i have no desire to date 80% of the time, because there’s something almost weak to me about it, about not being independent and so forth… but when i observe healthy relationships (the very few i know of), i know that this isn;t the case. 

so first i’d recommend figuring out what you want out of a relationship. if you’re afraid of losing independence, start there! you want someone who will support you in your individual identity! who will support you in your passions and love and who will give you that space to grow. who will continually show you that there is beauty and love outside of each other. someone who has their own passions. (this is some of my list anyway.)

however, i am 22 now and here is what i have learned:

not every person is the same. you are not the same.but this also means that there are people who are similar, who have similar edges. there are some people who get you. so you might not know someone you’d like that way now, but you might later. you never know.

which is also to say that yeah, some people are horny or at least fronting to be so all the time. are they actually? i highly doubt it, biologically, but they’ll act like it. or, it’s just revealing how they view a certain demographic as purely sexual objects. but that’s not everyone… i think sometimes it’s easier to subscribe to this, to protect your actual self, to avoid vulnerability. it’s easier to seem stronger that way. i have done this. keep being honest with yourself, to recognize when you’re falling down your spiral, and taking a step back, deleting the apps, and recentering yourself.

vulnerability is a gift. practice with your friends. the closer i get to friends, the more at ease i become at the prospect of a romantic relationship. this is to say, the more content i am with singleness, and not in a bitter way. and also, the more patient i am with relationships, because it’ll come as necessary, and when it does, i’ll be better equipped to deal with it. i’ll be a better partner.

partner is a good word.

your partner should help you grow in a good/better direction. otherwise maybe you’re better off as fwb. but that’s just my opinion :)

there are so many types of love. love exists outside of romance. platonic love. love for the planet. love for a pet. love for family. love for art. love for music. love for oceans and mountains and grass and birds and trees and the sky and open windows. love for soft beds. love for causes. love for people around you:love as seeking and recognizing the value in xyz.(rather than just obsession)

i absolutely have a deep fear of relationships centralizing on sex. this really does scare me, and i guess i’m waiting for someone to prove me otherwise. but i’m also finally willing to hold out for that.

but here’s the thing, trying to weave all of the above together: each relationship is unique and yours. this means that you need to be open to discussing things. if you’re falling too deep and need some space, get that space. routinely check in with yourself. i suggest being friends first and then becoming partners so that you know how each other works beforehand. but, of course, this doesn’t always happen, and that’s okay. it’s a process.

which also means no relationship is a waste, even as it ends. things can happen for a reason. make a reason. find a way to grow from it, something to learn, something to help you become better, to help you grow, so that you are closer to exactly who you’re supposed to be when you meet The One.

and speaking of which, john green talked about singleness once and he said that meeting the person you marry will hopefully happen only once. this was really comforting to me, because it made me realize that if someone’s not falling in love with me 24/7 it’s okay. i’m only looking for one moment out of my whole life, and it can happen at any moment, we can’t know. 

in the end, where you are, you can invest in yourself. keep grounding yourself in what you love, in the beauty and love you see/feel around you, in art, in what inspires you. stay grounded and connected. be very honest with yourself.

keep thinking about it. i dont think it’s something we just come to understand, i think it’s an ever evolving process. you’re already doing so so well with these messages. very thoughtful and self aware. keep it up, and remember, this moment isnt forever. hopefully you’ll keep growing through your life and your definitions will keep changing, hopefully for the better.

i hope this helps and please send me any more thoughts! i really really appreciate this discussion.

[pilawforhire-archived]

"Hey, Law. Dont whine, dont give up on your life, never say you'd die... EVER!! You hear me? 'Cause you'll be cured, growing up, and getting older. And importantly, because we'll meet this day to be celebrated every year," Corazon smiled broadly in the surgeon's memory. "Happy birthday, Law."

It’s dark as night and cold as winter. Desolation surrounds him, nothing but debris and ruins for miles and miles. Nevertheless, Law trudges on until he can make out the faint signs of familiarity. It’s that place, the same place as before, as every year, on that particular date. Would he show?

Law pulls up the collar of his coat and follows a glimmer in the distance. He plods toward it… and glimpses his face. It’s him. All at once, the heaviness in Law’s heart dissipates and he perks up, his eyes brightening with animation. Undeniably, it’s him. He’s not aged a single year and his face is painted the same way, his smile just as wide and kind and soothing.

Corazon outstretches his arms and runs toward Law.

Despite his delight at seeing Corazon again, instinct has Law tensing up and plastering a scowl — that he regrets the moment Corazon’s arms pass completely through him, failing to embrace him in a hug.

Disappointment etched over Law’s face, this time, it is Law who tries unflaggingly over and over, swinging his arms toward Corazon, to hug him and to hold him close.

Law fails. His arms pass right through Corazon in vain. Wa… Wait! Don’t go! Law yells, but Corazon has disappeared from his sight.

Thankfully, Law turns around and Corazon is standing behind him.

Relief gleams in Law’s eyes… until he observes that Corazon is floating. Corazon’s feet hover inches above the ground.

Law grows crestfallen. A deep-seated melancholia permeates his heart. Law tries one last time to hug Corazon. He struggles and scrambles to grasp Corazon’s larger palm. He strives and stumbles to grab Corazon’s shirt. All his efforts fail repeatedly, miserably, tragically. A figment of his imagination? He’s not real?

Suddenly, Corazon appears to be growing taller — no, it’s Law who’s shrinking in size. In the blink of an eye, Law is a pint-sized child, staring up at the towering figure of Corazon, just like over a decade ago, before…

Corazon leans forward. His illusory arm extends and pats Law on the head. Corazon smiles with undying affection.

Thirteen years old again, Law feels at ease in Corazon’s presence, however intangible. Law reciprocates a soft smile. Everything is okay for a moment. Everything around fades, except the both of them. It’s just like good old times, before…

A park materializes and, hand-in-hand, Law’s hand clutching thin air, they stroll together in silence that is made comforting only by Corazon’s presence. Although Law cannot feel him, cannot touch him, to Law, Corazon is there, by his side. His saviour.

Finally, they arrive at a forest. Corazon stops and Law stops. Law stares up at Corazon with a rueful longing. Are you leaving? Law asks, his tone disheartened. Stay…? Can’t you stay? Why do you have to leave again? So soon…

If Corazon left, Law doubts he would return. Corazon will not come back. It’ll be like before… him, forever gone.

As if reading Law’s thoughts, Corazon crouches down before Law. For the first time, Corazon speaks to him. Corazon’s eyes seem to gaze directly into Law’s as he speaks to him.

“Hey, Law. Dont whine, dont give up on your life, never say you’d die… EVER!! You hear me? ‘Cause you’ll be cured, growing up, and getting older. And importantly, because we’ll meet this day to be celebrated every year.” Corazon smiles and pats Law’s head. “Happy birthday, Law.”

Tears stream from Law’s eyes. Again, like before… Law bawls, fountains of tears, unstoppable. His shoulders shake, his chest constricts, and pain radiates through him whole.

A blink, and Law wakes with a gasp.

In his adult body, Law sits up on his bed and glances around frantically. His cheeks are wet and his head throbs with a dull pain. It takes him a moment to realise he’s on the Polar Tang, in his room, no longer a child, but a captain of his own crew. What was that about…? A dream…? Just a dream?

Of course, it was a dream. Corazon was dead. Dreams and memories are all that is left. Regardless, Law’s recollection of his dream is vivid. It felt too real.

For several minutes, Law huddles up on his mattress. He hugs his knees and closes his eyes. He takes long, deep breaths, before he opens them again and notices the muddy footprints on his bed. One glance over himself tells him he is not dressed in his usual pajamas.

Law drags his hands down his face and sniffs. Corazon’s message replays in his mind. Impressive, how even in a mere dream, Corazon gives him strength and support. However, wasn’t it just his subconscious cheering himself on? After all, to think that Corazon still watches over him… that’s too far-fetched a thought.

Nonetheless, the words, ‘we’ll meet this day to be celebrated every year’ — that… to see him again every year, even if only in a dream…

Law smiles sadly and touches his hand over his heart. Corazon may be gone, but Law’s memories of him… those are indestructible, everlasting, until old age or death would claim him. Never a day passes that Law spends without Corazon on his mind.

Although, who does Corazon think Law is? Did Corazon think Law would give up on the life Corazon tried so hard to save? No matter how difficult the struggles, Law would never let Corazon’s efforts go to waste. Never. Ever. Ever.

Law moves to his desk to pen a letter that would never get sent.

                                                         ~~~

Cora-san.

Thanks, but aren’t you underestimating the kid you saw fit to save? You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s been many years, but I’ve come a long way. I would never give up. They would never let me.

I… I lost you, but that’s okay. I miss you, but that’s okay. I’ve… I’ve been blessed somehow. They found me. Or I found them. You know them. I’ve told you about them on every possible occasion. But never enough… So you’ll hear about them now again. They piss me off all the time but… they’re there. They stay by my side, for some reason. They…

                                                          ~~~

Knocks on his door, followed by joyful greetings, steal his attention away. They were waiting for him, to have breakfast… With a grateful smile, Law leaves his room, to his crew wishing him a happy birthday.

Corazon’s words, regardless, would forever hold a place in Law’s heart and serve as encouragement to get him through tougher times, just like his memories of Corazon, that Law keeps dearly and reflects on regularly to keep them from fading away…

                                                              ~

                                                                 You just keep me hanging on. @entranquilidad

[pandplit]

Chapter 7

💉💊Metro Bennet’s own stacks consisted almost entirely of an estate of two thousand bones a year which unfortunately for his daughters was going to go straight to a male heir, a distant relation, and their mother’s stacks, though ample for her situation in life, couldn’t really make up the difference. Her father had been an attorney in Meryton and had left her four thousand bones. She had a sister married to a Mr Phillips who had been a clerk to their father and succeeded him in the business and a brother settled in London in a respectable line of trade.

The village of Longbourn was crazy close to Meryton which made it easy for the young ladies to go HAM on visits, sometimes three or four days a week, to their aunt and to the Milliner’s shop just over the way. The two youngest of the family, Catherine and Lydia, were there particularly often. Their minds were more vacant than their sisters and when they weren’t busy face-jerking, a walk to Meryton was a good way to waste some time and gather some goss for the evening. However tacked the country in general might be, they always managed to get something out of their aunt. At present indeed, they were well supplied both with news and good vibes by the recent arrival of a militia regiment in the neighbourhood. It was to remain the whole winter and Meryton was the headquarters. Their visits to Mrs Phillips now became sexy little spy visits. Everyday added something to their intelligence on the officer’s names and connections. Where they were staying was not long a secret and at length they began to know the officers themselves. Mr Phillips visited them all, which opened up for his nieces an ark of the covenant amount of joy that almost melted their faces off. They could talk of nothing but officers and Mr Bingley’s large fortune, the mention of which made their mother a bit hot under the collar, was worthless in their eyes when opposed to the regimentals of an ensign.

After listening one morning to them yapp on and on about the subject, Metro cooly observed, “Its my cool observation, girls, that you are probably the most clueless ladies in the country.”

Catherine was disconcerted and made no answer but Lydia, with perfect indifference, continued to express her admiration of Captain Carter and her hope of seeing him in the course of the day as he was going the next morning to London.

“I am astonished, my dear,” said Mrs Bennet, “that you would so easily dropkick your daughters like that. If I wanted to insult anyone’s children it wouldn’t be my own!”

“If my children are boneheads, dear, I would rather be aware that they’re boneheads.”

“Yeah but as it happens they’re actually rather smart.”

“Babe, we connect on a lotta levels but this is not one of them, I dissagree, I think theyre dimmer than average”

“My dear Metro, you must not expect such girls to have sense of their father and mother, when they get to our age I dare say won’t be spending all their time getting horny over officers.”

“I remember a time when I liked those camo slacks a whole lot and indeed maybe I do still, y’know, just a little bit, yeah, and if a smart young colonel with five or six thousand bones a year should want one of our girls then I’m not gonna say no, and I thought Colonel Forster looked very, um- platonically very good, the other night, at Sir Williams’

“Umh, I needa lie down”

“Mama,” cried Lydia, “my aunt says that Colonel Forster and Captain Carter don’t go so often to Miss Watson’s as they did when they first came, she sees them now very often standing in Clark’s library.”

Mrs Bennet was stopped from replying by the ding of an email notification for Miss Bennet. It came from Netherfield and it had the little red flag symbol meaning that it was important. Mrs Bennet’s eyes lit up, they exploded, they sparkled with joy as she started screeching. She was making the most ridiculous noise while her daughter read.

“Well Jane who’s it from and whats it about? What does he say? Come on, I’m busting out of my skin here, Jane tell us!”

“It is from Miss Bingley.” said Jane and then read it aloud.

“Sup fam,

“If you don’t dine today with Louisa and me we may legit fall out for the rest of our lives, cause you know two ladies together that’s gonna end in a fight, beam your ass over here as soon as you see this email, my bro and his hans are dining with the officers

“xoxo Caroline Bingley.”

“With the officers,” cried Lydia, “why didn’t our aunt tell us about that!”

“Dining out though,” said mrs bennet, “that’s unlucky.”

“Can I take the beamer?” said Jane.

“No my dear, you better go on the Vespa, because it seems likely to rain, and then you’d have to stay all night.”

“That would be a good scheme,” said Elizabeth, “except you don’t know whether they’d other her an uber.”

“Okay but the gentlemen are already out on the town, right, so they’ll be using theirs and the hearse don’t have a nice car.”

“I’d much rather take the family ride.”

“But my dear. your father can’t spare it he needs it for work, you need it for work, right, Metro?”

“I need it for all kinds of things way more often than I can get it.”

“But if you need it today specifically,” said Elizabeth, “mum will be very happy.”

She did finally squeeze out of her father that indeed the car was needed. Jane was therefore obliged to vesp it up and her mother danced behind her all the way to the door checking her weather app and smiling.

Her hopes were answered, Jane had not been gone for more than a few minutes when it started raining real hard. Her sisters were worried about her, but her mother was delighted. The rain continued all evening, there was no way Jane was coming home.

“This was a very lucky idea of mine.” said Mrs Bennet more than once as if she’d started the rain.

Till the next morning, however, she wasn’t fully aware of what she’d done. Breakfast was scarsley over when a message arrived in the family whatsapp group from Jane.

“hey team- super sick this morning 🤢 which is probably because i got all wet yesterday 🌧 🌧 the guys here really dont want me travelling until I’m feeling better they also insist on me seeing doc jones 💉 💊 so don’t freak out if you hear about him seeing me its really not a big deal, just a sore throat and a headache catch ya later -J x”

“Well, my dear,” said Metro, when everyone had finished reading the message, “if your daughter should have a dangerous fit of illness and fall over dead at least it’s nice to know that it happened chasing boys.”

“Oh I’m not afraid of her dying, people dont die from that shit, she’ll be taken care of and the longer she stays there the better I’d go see her if i could have the car.”

Elizabeth, feeling really anxious was determined to go to her but since the car wasn’t available, and she didn’t have a scooter license, walking was her only alternative. She declared her resolution.

“How can you be so crazy in the coconut,” Cried her mother, “as to think of such a thing, in all this dirt, you’ll get fucked up like a football bat and you won’t be fit for a good snorgle by the time you get there!”

“I’ll be fly enough to see Jane which is all I want.”

“Is this a hint to me, Lizzy,” said her father, “to bring the car around?”

“No, I don’t want to drive, I want the walk. distance is nothing when one has a motive, it’s only three miles, I’ll be back by dinner.”

“I’m feeling your kind spirit,” observed Mary, “but every impulse should be guided by reason and, in my opinion, effort should always be in proportion to what is required.”

“We will go as far as Meryton with you.” said Catherine and Lydia

Elizabeth accepted their company and the three young ladies set off together.

“If we make haste,” said Lydia as they walked along, “perhaps we may see something of Captain Carter before he goes.”

In Meryton they parted. The two youngest slumped off to the lodgings of one of the officer’s wives and Elizabeth continued her walk alone crossing field after field at a quick pace, jumping over stiles, springing over puddles with impatient activity and finding herself at last within view of the house.

With weary ankles, janky dirty stockings, and a face glowing with the warmth of exercise she was shown into the breakfast parlour, where all but Jane were chilling and where her appearance created a great deal of surprise. That she should’ve walked three miles earlier in the day in such horrible weather and by herself seemed turbo cray to Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley and Elizabeth would swear down that they were judging her for it.

She was welcomed though, very politely, and in their brothers manners something slightly beyond politeness. There was good humour and kindness. Mr Darcy said very little and Mr Hurst nothing at all. The former was kinda torn, the glow that all that exercise had given her was definitely tickling his fancy, but he also thought that it was kinda melodramatic and unnecessary for her to come this far alone. The other one was just making love to his breakfast.

Her inquiries after her sister didn’t get the best results. Miss Bennet had slept ill and although she was up, was still feverish and not well enough to leave her room. Elizabeth was glad to be taken to her immediately and Jane was super psyched to see her. She didn’t want to spook anyone but she had longed for such a visit. She was not up to much conversation however, and when Miss Bingley left them together all she could really do was mumble about her gratitude for the extraordinary kindness she was being treated with. Elizabeth silently attended to her.

When breakfast was over, they were joined by the sisters, and Elizabeth began to take a shine to them herself when she saw how legit nice they were being to Jane. The doc showed up and having examined his patient said, surprising no one, she had caught a violent cold and they should try and get the better of it. He told her to get back in bed, and wrote up a script for some flu meds and soup. They followed his advice for the feverish symptoms increased and her head ached a lot. Elizabeth never hit the slide nor would the other ladies often absent. With the boys being out, in fact, they had nothing to do elsewhere. When the clock struck three, Elizabeth thought it was time to go even though she didn’t want to. Miss Bingley offered her a ride but Jane made a commotion about not wanting her to go so eventually the offer of a ride was converted to an invitation to remain at Netherfield. Lizzy thankfully accepted and added to the whatsapp group.

“Staying the night, can somebody prime now me so PJs?”

This chapter was lovingly transcribed by Zuz.