#title sucks but w/e

[queerb]

Oh my god the vibes in this office are going to be RANCID in November

[room215]

hmmm i should replay stella glow (<- NOT NORMAL)

[helloaugustmoon]

·˚ ◌༘͙[nsfw alphabet] ! ˊ

this is about as steamy as I’m gonna get outside of blogging other people’s works w the most unhinged commentary imaginable so 18+ only below the cut! ♡

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

his middle name isn’t Joseph actually that’s a coverup and he’s not the King of Pop either that’s a secondary coverup bc his full name and title is Michael Aftercare Jackson, the King of Aftercare. even when he’s less experienced, taking care of you comes like you do with him breathing does to him; he’ll run you a bubble bath, light candles, form a pathway of red rote petals TO the bath, then carry you to lie you down in the hot water, and he’ll either join you or sit right beside the tub with your hand in his, his thumb caressing your knuckles. anything that’s even slightly too sore for you to reach to wash on your own, he’s doing for you with the most love in the world. you’ll have a hard time convincing this man to let you lift a finger around him in general, but after he’s rocked with you? oh. oh no. sit your pretty self down.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

as we all know, Michael is very deeply insecure, so probably won’t ever verbally admit this, but if he had to aka you denied him kisses until he answered, he’d confess he likes his eyes most, and it’s 100% because of the way you lose yourself in them.

now, getting him to admit his favourite body part of yours is entirely impossible for the polar opposite reason. someone could hold this man at gunpoint and he wouldn’t budge on this.

“Say it! Say your favourite part of her body right now, or we’ll shoot!”

“If you think I’ll objectify my girl before letting someone shoot me, you’re not only wrong, you’re stupid. Hit me with your best shot.”

this mf can and will write a love song dedicated to your pinky finger, and you want to ask him to CHOOSE?? unfathomable. literally unthinkable. if you ask him, he’ll just laugh and list every part of you, but if you insist on it, he’ll just pacing. literally doing laps around Neverland. bc he cannot answer you and now you’ve got him stressed bc on the one hand he never wants to disappoint you by not answering a question you give him but you’re an actual angel. for the love of this poor man’s sanity, do not ask him this question.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

prefers it in you and prefers the lack of mess, too. does enjoy seeing you kneeling and waiting for it, though.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

this coming from the man who tried to say his dancing wasn’t dirty? please. he’d fight tooth and nail to suggest that you sucking his fingers was a solely innocent activity. unbelievable.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

heavily era dependent, so based on that: virgin pre-otw era, and if you don’t tie him down in good time he’ll probably get curious w some high end ladies of the night, but it doesn’t take him long to realise he values an emotional connection when it comes to intimacy, so will have only had a handful of serious relationships. however, this man does learn quick.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

say it with me now: missionary! being able to look in your eyes, caress your face with his fingertips, kiss you, feel all of you against him, your legs around his waist omg the man categorically cannot and will not get enough.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

definitely can start off either super goofy or super romantic, but the longer you go for, the more romantic the moment becomes. there’ll be giggles and goofs in the midst of it all, but for the most part, he’s very sentimental about it. considers you and your body to be sacred and will worship at your altar.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

era dependent, actually. otw and thriller he’s got a lil trimmed somethin somethin, bad and dangerous he tried out shaving, then invincible he decides he can’t be bothered with the upkeep of shaving it but he keeps it trimmed and neat.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

same as G, really; intimacy is the priority.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

super shy and from an extremely religious household?? pls. otw era Michael would probably actually rather ask a girl out (and that’d take some convincing from his brothers). depending on when you meet him, you might consider actively encouraging him and he may or may not be super into the idea of you ‘teaching’ him, and then only ever being able to think of you when he does, but even that would be rare. definitely prefers you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

bro omg. where do we start.

he is the sweetest, sweetest lover, so everything he does is purely loving. there are few things he wont try for you, but in terms of what kinks he already has/discovers he’s super into with you: breeding, spanking, choking (but not hard, mainly just holding you there), having you ride his thigh; anything that involves dominating you will have him intrigued.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

mf was the most famous man on the planet and he’d rather never speak or sing again than share you intimately, in any capacity, so the location will be private and with top security. that said, he can make any location private and secure, you just say the word.

oh, a super fancy restuarant?

“No problem, baby. Security? Clear it. Yeah, kick everybody out and pay for the inconvenience.”

oh, a public movie theatre?

“Already rented the whole place, sweet thing. Every individual viewing room, in case you couldn’t decide.”

he is ready to go at a moment’s notice.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

he is ready to go at a moment’s notice x2

literally anything you do like if you smile at him he’s both the most in love he’s ever been and bricked are you surprised. but, in particular, seeing you all dolled up, especially just for him rather than some kind of official vent will have him dropping to his knees to propose and also remind you that the M in Michael stands for munch.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

slap you. spanking is a little different bc he can understand the dominance of that and in the heat of the moment, shocking you with a spank appeals to him, he loves the sounds you make, but with the abuse he suffered, he can never bring himself to slap you, your face specifically. if he ever held your jaw slightly too hard and left a mark, he’d feel physically sick until it healed. something about seeing your face with marks just absolutely kills him inside.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

this one is a bit of a wild card but I’d put good money on Michael being a hardcore munch who is actually way more shy/hesitant to receive that kind of intimacy than give it; even in otw era, he’d happily go down on you for hours on end while he remains literally fully clothed. he might be a bit nervous to begin with, but he gets the hang of things pretty quick - your body is his most favourite instrument, and he’ll master it, you can count on that.

that said, when he’s confident enough to receive, there is something about seeing you on your knees for him that gets him every time. but, overall, he prefers anything that makes you feel good.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

ever the dancer, he can match whatever pace you or the mood calls for, but he prefers a slow, sensual and deeply emotional hour of lovemaking.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

understands their functionality and convenience - stress relief, post-show bliss, spur of the moment, etc - and enjoys them for what they are, but much prefers to take his time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

will gladly try almost anything for you with very few restrictions, but won’t do anything that risks you being exposed to anyone else’s eyes; the media has been hounding him his entire life, your body is the one thing he wants to keep just for himself.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

remembering the more traditional period that Michael comes from, toys would be a little out there for him, and if you brought them up pre-Bad era he’d be like a deer in headlights who couldn’t make eye contact with you for several hours. but, when he sees what they can do upon using them on you…well, he’s no stranger to fine tuning an instrument.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

is this even a question. this man will deliberately have you side stage at his concerts just to tease you for the ENTIRE show. all those girls screaming for him? ripping his shirt mid-song? and his definitely-not-dirty dancing? PLEASE. he literally lives to tease you for his whole set, just so that he can stroll up to you when the show’s over, all sweaty and panting for breath with a shit eating grin, only to wrap his arms around your waist and act deliberately oblivious.

“Oh, hey baby! Enjoy the show?”

“You know what you did. We need to get to your dressing room, like, an hour ago.”

“An hour ago? My girl, I’d just started the show, I couldn’t possibly-“

and you cut him off by dragging him by the hand to his dressing room while he laughs.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

oh yeah. his bedroom’s a whole floor specifically for his time with you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

gets very into degrading you when he sees and hears how much you love it, but will only say things that are equally as sweet as they are filthy.

“Do you hear yourself, sweet girl?”

“Oh my love, look at the mess you’ve made.”

“Yeah? Is that it, pretty girl? Like this?”

“Oh, you like that, don’t you? So good for me, my little love.”

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

a gentleman never tells.

gold pants.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

this is another era specific one that entirely depends on which era you meet him in bc you can assume from getting used to your company, his libido reaches new heights, but for starting in each era:

otw - categorically will not initiate intimacy for like the first year of your relationship bc he’s convinced he’ll misread your body language as wishful thinking when in actual fact you’re lady-bricked 25/8 around him bc who wouldn’t be hello

thriller - a little smoother with it, a little more open to initiating things based on trusting his own instincts, a little more willing to admit that he wants you without you having to ask first.

bad - oh he’s getting it now fr. all that leather? yup. he actually gets more shy when you initiate it in this era and that’s wholly bc he gets blindsided whenever you want him enough to bring it up in conversation.

dangerous/botdf - breeding kink in full swing we havin babies out here, he wants you literally every chance he gets and he WILL make that clear. I’m talkin pressed up behind you at the kitchen counter type beat.

invincible - this entire album should tell you everything you need to know but for those of us who enjoy it being spelt out: the things he whispers in your ear to invite you somewhere more private will leave you speechless.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

considering this man’s stamina, if you last long enough to tire him out, he’ll be sleeping pretty soon after that, but usually you tap out first and that is one of the rare moments you’ll actually see Michael smug.

“All tired out, baby? My poor love. Did I do too much?”

[lipglossanon]

And Now For Something Completely Different

❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀

The Merchant x fem!reader (one shot)

Such a random thought I had and quickly wrote out while I made coffee lmao so have this total and complete one off from my normal 🫣 please don’t expect more from me 🤣 also have a screenshot I took cause I thought he looked cute 😉

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, unprotected sex, creampie, slight dirty talk? 😆

not proofread or even looked over lmao ✌️

Title pulled from Monty Python 😜

part ii

❀⊱┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄┄⊰❀

“I’ve got something that might interest ya,” the strange man murmurs as you step up to the rickety table. 

The purple flame‘s the only light source in the area casting strange shadows on the walls and across the man calling himself the merchant. 

You pull out the few rubies you were able to scrounge out of some old barrel and hold them out to him, “Is this enough to get an upgrade and a first aid spray?”

His dark eyes look down at your palm and back up to your face, “Well no stranga, I can do one or the other, but I’m afraid it’s not enough cash for both.”

You slump in on yourself, exhaustion writ all over your features as you sigh, “I’ll take the first aid then.”

He hands you the aerosol can with one hand as you drop the rubies in his other. 

“Thank you,” you smile at him, genuine and warm, “next time hopefully I can swing that handgun upgrade.”

He hums at you, watching underneath the hood as you pocket the first aid and double check your pockets to see if there’s anything else worth trading. 

“I wonder if you might be interested in less acceptable means of trade?”

You attention moves from your pockets up to him leaning against the table, shadow looming into your space. 

“Sure, I need all the help I can get.”

⊰❀⊱

“Oh oh my god,” you gasp, eyes rolling back as his cock bullies its way into your fluttering walls. 

He has you pinned down, back on the table he set up, and legs parted as he fucks into your wet and willing pussy. 

“What a lovely cunt,” he chuckles down at you, face still covered making you clamp down harder on his dick, “haven’t felt something this warm in a long time, stranger.”

“Mmm it s’good,” you whine, letting him push your knees up to your chest so he can plunge his cock in your pussy even deeper, “gonna make me cum so fast.”

“It’d be such a shame to end our fun so soon, love,” he groans, slowly rutting his fat cock into your clenching pussy and grinding against the spongy spot at the front of your cunt. 

Your eyes flutter shut and he smacks your swollen clit with his hand making you writhe under him.

“W-what’re you—“ a keening mewl leaves your lips as he slaps your pudgy clit again. 

“Behave, let me take my fill and I’ll give you what you need,” he laughs, “not a bad deal eh?”

You shake your head no as you gasp and moan. He rocks himself in and out of your pussy, never fully pulling out so you’re constantly stretched around his thick cock. The tip knocks against your cervix every time he bottoms out making you claw at his chest weakly, powerless as a kitten, too overwhelmed with pleasure to do anything but take it. 

“Bigger is better or so they say. At least I thought so as a lad,” he huffs with a laugh, burying himself so deep that his tip is grinding against your womb making you wail and thrash under his heavy body. 

“Shh, shh, you must take it, love,” he grits out, holding you down as he bruises your cervix, “let me give you what you need.”

“I-I need your mouth,” you gasp out, eyes wet with tears, “kiss me, please, sir, I—“

He yanks his mask down but before you get a good look a wet hungry mouth is kissing your greedily. One of his hands comes up to cover your eyes once he pulls back to catch his breath. 

“Such a sweet little thing,” he noses at your cheek and you can feel the grin on his mouth, “calling me sir like I’m some posh gent.”

He licks across your jaw and his tongue feels—odd, tapered but before you can process anything else he’s licking into your mouth again. 

You whine and suck on his tongue eagerly, rocking your hips down into his slow, punishing thrusts. You whimper when he pulls away and only quiet when he kisses you again, pressing his tongue deep into your mouth making you moan. 

You can feel how different his tongue is compared to yours and it makes your pussy gush slick around his thrusting cock. 

He pulls away with a hum of amusement, “You sure do enjoy that. Like my tongue, stranger? Like imagining it in other hot wet little holes?”

Your spine arches as you cry out, “O-oh god.” 

He finally uncovers your eyes but his mask is back firmly in place. You look into his eyes and see the corners are crinkled as he laughs at you. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” his hands shift down to your hips to pull you tighter to him, “but I’m pretty close to filling your lovely little cunt full.”

“Please,” you whine, hands scratching at the rough material of his cloak, “want it, please cum inside me.”

“Hell,” he groans, hips rabbiting into your squelching cunt making the table slide with his movements. 

“Touch yourself,” he directs you, “play with that slippery clit for me, love.”

You quickly listen to him, fingers moving to circle the swollen bud until your thighs are tensing and toes curling as the band of arousal snaps in your belly. 

“Fuck, I’m cumming oh—“ your back bows as you moan loudly, pussy milking his cock as he keeps fucking into your clenching walls. 

“That’s it,” he grunts, snapping his hips even harder against you until he burrows himself deep in your pussy. 

You feel the warmth of his hot cum paint your walls white as his dick fills you with rope after rope of sticky jizz. He yanks you even closer somehow as his cock kicks and throbs against your pulsing walls, tip spurting the last of his cum inside of you. You watch as he slowly pulls out, creamy slick and cum oozing from his drippy tip as it spills from your well used hole. 

“I’d say that’s a deal well struck,” his eyes seem to gleam down at you as he helps you up to redress. 

His cum is still oozing inside the gusset of your panties as you watch him quickly tinker with your handgun before giving you back your now upgraded weapon. 

He winks at you, “See you soon, stranger.”

[minki-moo]

♡‧₊˚ 𝙤𝙝, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝 ♡‧₊˚

pairing ♡ yunho x f!reader tags ♡ bf!yunho, oral (m!receiving), deepthroating, accidental exhibitionism rating ♡ e for explicit w/c ♡ 500

a/n ♡ omg gamer yunho is here ;) once again i was projecting but in reality i want him to carry me in valorant so bad (also did i make everything purple and use a reyna voiceline as the title cuz he's a reyna main? yes. yes i did)

"yunho, you good?"

you could hear the voice of yunho's teammate through his headphones. he'd been playing valorant for hours, promising at least three games ago that he would get off.

so he could help get you off.

unfortunately for you, he got caught up in his competitive games, his winning streak motivating him to play even more.

unfortunately for him, however, you decided to take matters into your own hands. which also involved taking his cock down your throat.

"i-shit-i'm fine. just a bit tired." yunho tried to grab your hair, holding you still, but his hips kept bucking up into your mouth anyways.

seeing him start to lose his composure like this awakened something inside you; you were never really the dominant one so this was very new to you.

when you fell the grip on your hair loosen, you decided to tease him even more. hollowing your cheeks, you suck hard on most of yunho's length, using your hand to stroke the rest of it. hearing yunho's gasp above you makes you move even faster, taking you other hand to gently play with his balls, earning you another choked out moan.

"fuck-baby please keep going." you look up at yunho, his eyes closed and mouth open as little gasps leave it. the expression on his face was enough to make your pussy clench. you were waiting for hours to have his cock inside you, but seeing yunho like this was satisfying in its own way. now, you're craving his release. you wanted his cum and you wanted it now.

removing your hand off his cock, you take all of it in your mouth, gagging on the head as it slips past the back of your throat.

yunho lets out a muffled whimper, desperate to keep quiet. "mmph-fuckfuckfuck 'm gonna cum." he starts to tremble as his climax approaches, covering his mic with his hands hoping no one else could hear him.

you quickly pull off his leaking cock, only taking the tip in between your lips and running your tongue on his slit as you bobbed your head up and down. hearing a cry above you, you feel yunho's cock throb in your hand and his salty cum shoots into your mouth. without hesitation, you put his whole length back in your mouth to make sure no drop of cum goes to waste.

once yunho came down from his high, he pulled you off his softening cock, panting as he looked down at the smirk on your face. "wow. just wow."

"mhm", you say as you crawl from under his desk. giving him a kiss on the cheek, you whisper in his ear, "i'll be waiting."

he stares at you in awe as you walk out of the room, only taking his attention off of you when the red "defeat" screen illuminates his room.

"damn yunho," his teammate sounded shocked but also somehow impressed. "i didn't know you could moan like that."

a/n i sincerely apologize for the last line (only a little tho it's kinda funny)

@anyamaris @yuyusboyfriend 🫶🏾

[pwnyta]

MORE TWISTED WONDERLAND TWINK JUDGMENT.

That hair is DIABOLICAL. Especially in blond... i know the Huntsman has that hair but it wasnt that bad in black. Hes still my favorite of the three Snow White crew TBH. The Huntsman?

More like CUNTSMAN AMIRITE?!

Best/worst outfit- This shitty fake Aussie outfit.. IDKY but I can only imagine him with an Australian accent now. Its terrible. I do take back the Cuntsman title why are all his outfit kinda lame? Theyre really doing Snow Whites baddies dirty.

Overall- 5.5/10...

...Not Hades... Why he look like an edgy version of Yaoi Jesus!? Not like this Hades... Not like this. I hate it here.

Best outfit- The Knight outfit. Its pretty sick...

Overall- 3/10 looks pretty cool but the fact hes so miserable even tho Hades is iconic... smdh

...Not Robot Shota Hades.... Do they know theres Medusa, Centaur, Hydra, Pain and Panic... WHY TWO HADES AND THEYRE BOTH THE WORST!?

Best outfit- This butterfly drip is actually pretty sick. I still hate it.

Overall- 4/10 for the Butterfly outfit he gets an extra point over Idia...

...Maleficent.... Alright big dog. You better not fuck this up. They fucked up Hades and The Evil Queen... you gotta really pop off bud. So far so fine.

Best outfit- Alright Mal... you saved yourself. I also like the Long outfit. WELL DONE BUD.

Overall- 7.5/10!

...WHO? Silver... is he... the fuckin sewing wheel? ???

Best outfit- I get to reward the Long outfit! Well done. But since its a shared outfit... not as good.

Overall- 5/10?? I guess.

...Maybe the green fire? I guess theres slimpicking as far as baddies in Sleeping Beauty... but why just add so many and then like NONE of the baddies in Hercules accent Hades? I dont get it Fifi... But this guy is pretty good. Rare not-twink? Real?

Best outfit- He looks nice in this half cape. I think he should have a proper belt but w/e.

Overall- 6.5/10

WHO!?!?!? I dont like this guy at all.... but also it makes me laugh at the person complaining about people sexualizing characters when theres so much shotabait LMAO.... Girl.

Best outfit- Full armor baby. Thats the way to go.

Overall- 2.5/10

Crowley... lookin sharp. Cool mask. Cool wing cape...

Best outfit- His standard. He doesnt have much to work with unfortunately.

Overall- 8/10

LIPSMACK OF DISAPPOINTMENT. You can do better than that for Cruella... Come on now.

Best outfit- His standard I guess cuz his other one sucks worse.

Overall- 4/10

Not Cinderellas step mom being better designed than Cruella... Also he reminds me of that comic with the old man with the fat ugly cat. So...

Best outfit- He doesnt get any more but its still good.

Overall- 7/10. Simple but I dig it.

...Tibbies.

Best outfit- I mean... its simple but a little cunty. HES GOT ANTLERS ON ALL OF HIS ...outfits.

Overall- 7/10

NOT TWINK FACILIER!!! WITH THE KILLMONGER CUT! LMFAO.

Best outfit- GIVE HIM MORE CLOTHES. WHY IS HE FACULTY!? WHY ISNT HE A STUDENT!? That a hamsa in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Overall- 10/10 I cant rate my mans Facilier any lower Im sorry. LMAO Hes very cute.

NOT CUNTY TWINK FROLLO!!! NOOOOO

Best outfit- His only outfit

Overall- ....8/10 Hes dripped out what can I say?

HONEST JOHN!? LMAO... Yo whyd they drop the ball so hard on Sleeping Beauty and then just started pulling out these NPC baddies...

Best outfit- Only outfit. Hes serving thoooo

Overall- 9/10

...How you gonna make the Cheshire Cat boring? I like his mome rath pants tho... I love Mome Raths...

Best Outfit- n/a

Overall- 2/10 THATS THE CHESHIRE CAT GUY!? ... boring as fuck...

What a weak ending... after all that goodness.

[lovelyrotter]

I read your thing about stridercest. I didn’t super like the ship (I’m more of a lalondecest girlie) but I respect the hell out of the textual analysis you did. Anyway do you have any good fic recommendations? I want to see what you see in it.

oh fuck yeah i love sharing ship stuff especially with ppl who dont usually go here and vice versa for me. its like hell yeah im digging in sand and its fun i love my sand and then i turn around and woah i had no idea there was even MORE sand just behind me ya dig? that might not have made any sense hahaha. its the joy of trading pokemon cards except with ships

but okay heres some of my current faves. bear in mind i read mostly M and E rated stuff but ive got a sprinklin of lower ratings in here too. im also gonna categorize this list by stridercest flavour. theres a lot so this turned out like ridiculously long

anyone else goin through this feel free to link yalls faves in the replies too cause im ravenous. especially if its haldirk. im constantly craving haldirk

guardiancest

doku line terminus & two steps away from the county line by lildogie these first cause theyre my ultra faves rn and i cant get enough of this au. set in the same universe but county line is the prequel. a/b/o verse with lotsa interesting political stuff and also interpersonal dynamics. dave & dirk are there too and are real cute. its also got mysterious time travelling. i really cant sell these two enough like i am not doin these justice

davedirk / dirkdave

if i woke up next to you by bumbly | G, ~2,700 words, complete. SUPER sweet relationship study, made me fuckin melt. this author has really good stuff for other ships too but mind the archive warnings

dont joke about hentai face broctopus transplants im eating cheese n onion pringles here by smrtnik | M, ~1k words, complete. this one made me fuckin melt its so tender. it truly feels like were peeking into their life together. also great title

Stasis State by Caeslin | T, ~3k words, complete. another really intimate feeling one. its so fuckin sweet. mind the tags for typical dirk suicide attempt but its not on screen its moreso the recovery and how dave is affected by it

“stupid fucking bullshit” ad nauseam by anon | T, 13.7k words, complete. REALLY GOOD AU. trans striders, fade to black sex scene. the boys are cute and you can feel how much theyre drawn to each other immediately. wish there was more of this

sometimes the bad guy wins by nutrimercenary | E, ~7.5k words, ongoing. wow. oh wow. ive been looking for a davedirk fic like this for a long time. PLEASE read the warnings and tags but its so fuckin good. a crossdimentional narrative tug-o-war between dave and ult dirk i fuckin love it

got it goin on by bumbly | E, 7.5k words, complete. dirk indulges daves mommy kink after prying it outta him. its cute and funny and sexy it made me smile. their dynamic is sooo sweet

helping hands by ghostlyAnarchist | E, 5.1k words, complete. THIS IS SO GOOD. its got trans man dave and is genuinely one of the hottest transmasc fics ive read so far and boy howdy ive read a lot. slight warning for dysphoria discussion but its not too bad its all just hot af a dick-sucking venn diagram by Elendraug | E, 10k words, complete. first off domestic af. very established relationship and you can tell. its so fuckin sweet. i looove this one. its like the best kind of silly realistic smut its one of my faves of all time

STILL WITH ME by egbert | E, 8k words, complete. dave and dirk strife and then fuck in the bathroom. holy shit this is hot. their want is like tangible in this one

brodave and a!brodirk

hardware by orphan_account | E, ~8k words, complete. dave gets some dick piercings and bro goes insane about them. hot as hell and also features bottom bro which is my fave. its got a couple uses of the r-slur but its also from 2011 so i take it w/ a grain of salt. 2011 and earlier fics are like internet artifacts (/pos)

but you better never pull it by hapaxlegomena | E, 5k words, complete. wow. WOW. sub top bro and dom bottom dave need i say more. this sub bro activates my cute aggression the power play is great mars & murrie's by orphan_account | E, 6.8k words, complete. a!brodirk, omorashi. super hot!!!! alpha dave is sooo embarrassed about his piss kink but dirk wins in the end hahaha. really intriguing which i know sounds funny on an omo fic but read it and youll know. i love this alpha dave

temporal sunset by Plajus | M, 19.5k over 5 chapters, complete. a!brodirk. holy shit what a ride. this one held me hostage and now lives in my brain rent free (bdum tiss sorry). dirk is terminally ill so i know it wont be for everyone but give it a try and goddamn you wont be disappointed. trust me

a swinging pendulum by ghostlyAnarchist | T, ~900 words, complete. a!brodirk time/dream bubble encounter. wow just wow. the want. the yearning immaterial by LPSunnyBunny | E, 1k words, complete. a!brodirk, trans dirk. holy shit!!!!!! holy shit!!!!! hot hot hot!!!!!!! shower sex sensation control!!!!

haldirk

singular by 2x2verse | E, 6.8k words, complete. hal has an existential crisis dirk catches him and then they fuck tenderly about it. genuinely so romantic. im addicted to this kind of haldirk. honestly i just recommend the entire series diagnostics by 2x2verse | E, 2.9k words, complete. i know i just linked this authors whole collection of haldirk fics but holy crap this one in particular. dom/sub electrostim with sensory deprivation, hal is the dom. i LOVE how hes written here. very attentive domming, great details

A Fatal Error Has Occurred by Mortior | E, 42k words, 4/5 chapters. oh mortior my haldirk regent. really fuckin good character writing in an au where hal has an android body before the alpha session is started. read the tags for warnings. the tension between them is insane endangered by Mortior | E, 100k+ words, complete multichapter. holy fuck where to begin with this one. this is a haldirk sensation. post apocalyptic au where androids won the human-robot war. dirk runs into AR. AR takes an interest in him. dirk takes even more of an interest in AR. if youre gonna read any haldirk read this one

"im basically fucking him" series by Elendraug | T & E, all complete. so!!!!! fucking!!!!! tender!!!!! really cute haldirk progressing through their relationship

ridiculously late by cinnamonfreak | E, 21k, completed multichapter. a/b/o au where dirk suddenly presents. REALLY intriguing hal in this one i fuckin love the power play

roboporn by smrtnik | E, 3.9k words, complete. really fun power play in this one. hal is waterproofed externally but not internally. he gives dirk a handie over his open chassis torso. theres also really sweet snuggling afterwards

[sol-draws-sometimes]

shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals <3

Me: Why don’t people send me asks

Also me: Takes weeks to respond cause I can’t answer a question normally

Okay here’s the thing, I don’t really listen to playlists and the only one I do is a shuffle playlist I have(tho I’m pretty proud of it). What I normally do is pick a song and go to radio, or go to my likes and press one of the genere thingys

However I think I’ll do 2 things, show off my shuffle playlist(since I actually do use it a lot), and then shuffle my liked songs NOT w/out any categories for full chaos. Actually I also have a shuffle playlist I did for Spanish music, but that one’s more recent and hasn’t gotten that much use so I won’t do the shuffle thingy.

Anyway this my oldies shuffle playlist:

It’s over a day’s worth of music, cause it’s meant to be shuffled(full disclosure started adding a shit ton of songs before the shuffle because I wanted to make sure it was accurate to my taste and there was a lot of music I added to my likes before making the playlist so they were missing(big chunks of abba,Fleetwood mac,queens, EWF, ELO, etc.) While the playlist is inspired by dad, and so is my taste in oldies music(actually a mix of him and my older sis), there’s stuff on there that I like that he doesn’t( stuff like Simon and Garfunkle and Elton John). It’s mostly 70s, but I’d say it’s 60s-80s. Also it’s English music, so no city pop or older hispanic music like Jeanette(most of my older spanish music is 90s anyway).

Anway these were the first 5 songs

1. At The Rainbows End- The Osmonds

2. Unercover Angel- Alan O’Day

3. Lady in Red- Chris Burgh

4. That’s All- Genesis

5. Wouldn’t it be Nice- Beach Boys

Also screenshotted 5 more and I think these are more indicative of my tastes in oldies(it’s missing a bit of my classic rock but it’s not like that’s what I listen to the most)

6. Roxanne- The Police

7. Oh Daddy- Fleetwood Mac

8. I’m Gonna Be(500 miles)- The Proclaimers (ngl got jumpscared with this one)

9. Wild Word- Ysuf/Cat Stevens

10. Fernando- Abba

Fun fact: Most of Rumors is on the playlist and the whole Xanadu Soundtrack is on there! I’d say may fav artists from the 70s would be ELO and ABBA, tho EWF was my fav band as a kid so that’s still nostalgic to me. Also Doobie Brothers are pretty good! Oh and Hall and Oats! On the more rock rock side of things, I’d say Aerosmith is the one know the most. Or Kansas, I think I like them more idk. I mostly listen to soft rock.

OKAY TIME FOR CHAOS SHUFFLE TIME

1. Sex w/ a Ghost—Teddy Hyde(I think this is more of my sister song?, tho it’s not bad song)

2. Esto les Digo— Kiney Lange, performed by Messiah College Concert Choir (yes this is a choir song)

3. Rata De Dos Patas—Paquita La Del Barrio

4. マイ・ボーイ(My Boy)- Lisa Ono (The title is Japanese but the song is in English)

5. Shun-ran— John (THIS IS IN JAPANESE, specifically vocaloid)

Bonus 6 incase 1 wasn’t me

6. L-O-V-E—Nat King Cole

Honestly, this is actually a good mix of the music I listen to, indie/soft, spanish, and j-pop, and oldies it’s just missing musical theater(also I listen to more early 2000s latino music). Also I don’t really listen to choir/classical music all the time but I do LOVE singing it so sometimes I will try to find new choir songs. Tbh, most playlist on Spotify lowkey suck and have very same-y repertoire, the best playlists I’ve found are Choir Classic-Spotify(a bit same-y but it is the classics™), Choir music that makes me crumb(great variety! I recommend this one the most), and I think Choir songs me that give me chills is also pretty good and it has more musical theater on it (THOUGH IT’S MISSING NORTE DAME).

Okay, I’m done yapping

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week in Review XII

Happy Sunday on a Tuesday!

(let's pretend it still is and I didn't fall asleep on the sofa last night and get sent to bed by Mr. Truly when I insisted I wasn't sleeping).

I apologize that this is a compact version - but I really wanted to make sure what I read last week gets the attention it very much deserves 💕

So, on with the show...

T R U L Y U P D A T E S . . .

oct' x 22 - pile of leaves (frankie x gn!reader)

oct' x 23 - harvest (gold rush!joel x charlotte)

oct' x 24 - fog (tim rockford x f!reader)

oct' x 25 - jack-o-lanterns (marcus pike x reader)

oct' x 26 -campfire (frankie x reader)

oct' x 27 - witches (sequins!joel x f!reader)

oct' x 28 -samhain(tim rockford x gn!reader)

W H A T I R E A D . . .

Wash Day (Marcus) by @secretelephanttattoo I re-read this one again because this is one of the most adorable pieces of Marcus Pike fluff - this whole fic just sucks you in and is just a comforting cloud 💕

Goodwill Hunting (Dieter) by @secretelephanttattoo This is just So Dieter branded through and through! Chaotic, fun and hilariously Dieter, just as our favourite trash panda should be.

in fiction (Dieter) by @sin-djarin Becca's follow-up to Joel's Coming Home is this beautiful piece on Dieter coming to bed and it's gorgeous. I'm here for anyone who can paint our favourite trash panda in a soft light.

A Gift of Light and Joy (Javi G.) by @prolix-yuy This hit right in the feels. It was the right balance between exploring the complexities of existing in a plus-size body, and being in a relationship with someone who doesn't see that, but not for lack of care. It hit home with a lot of my own experiences and was a truly comforting read. Honestly, I'm selling this short - please do read, you won't be disappointed!

Good Morning Agent York (Dave) by @morallyinept I'm in awe of Jett's Giflet series, 500 words or less and written based off of a gif. They've all been fantastic and this is another great addition. I'm tentatively dipping my toe into all things York and this was a soft landing. Jett does a fantastic job of weaving the interaction of the reader with Dave that is neatly left for your own interpretation of what comes next - but may have you itching to know a bit more.

Working Title (Dieter) by @rhoorl I'm very much enjoying the slow burn between Belle and Dieter and who can't enjoy it when it's set in the beautiful landscape of Hawaii? Chapter 15 does not disappoint and I love a cheeky cameo of any kind 😉

Dress Me Up & Call Me Pretty (Dieter) by @morallyinept This was both a character study and a delicious romp with Dieter. I really do appreciate a good fanfic of Dieter that explores the vulnerable side of him while leaning into the chaos that is him. I very much recommend this one.

Bubble (Joel) by @secretelephanttattoo This was beautiful! There's so much intimacy woven into the story without being explicit and gives you an understanding of these two with barely a word spoken between them. El does such a fantastic job here with building a little window into this relationship.

Hinterland (Frankie) by @legendary-pink-dot 600 words. 600 words and it's just amazing what Dot does here in crafting an intimate story between our reader and Frankie. So atmospheric, so dreamy, so hot and very much all Frankie.

Hope everyone had a fantastic Halloween if you celebrate or if not, a terrific Tuesday!

Here's to the rest of the week!

[volleyball-crow]

Rules!! Aoba Johsai Volleyball Team

Rejected titles, written above and crossed out: Resistance is Futile, Oikawa-san’s Rules, OIKAWA-SAN RULES, Seijoh Commandments, Aoba Johsai Laws, Shittykawa can’t come up with decent titles to save his life, Vice-captain please stop antagonizing him

-

Rule #1: Oikawa-san is the master commander in this ship and you shall obey him in all matters.

lol l o l lol lol Mutiny! Mutiny, I say!

Rule #2: First-years must rotate setting up duties, as well as cleaning up duties.

Oikawa, if you’re going to do this, then at least do it decently why must you suck the fun out of everything, Iwa-chan? interesting choice of words there Oikawa-kun! Matsukawa. Laps. Yes, sir. On it, sir.

Rule #2.1. if Kunimi pretends to forget his turn again, he’ll get a life sentence

why is there a rule just for me, Hanamaki-san, that’s so unfair i n s t e a d   o f   a   r u l e,   w e   c o u l d   a s k   t h e    v i c e-c a p t a i n   t o   t h i n k    u p   s o m e   k i n d   o f    s p e c i a l   p u n i s h m e n t    f o r   y o u actually, you know what, Kindaichi, I’m fine with this

Rule #3: You bleed on it, you wash it

how do I get blood out of fabric, again? hydrogen peroxide, Mattsun. or you could just put that ugly yellow shirt in the trash where it belongs don’t even, Oikawa, I know the nasty stuff you have hidden in that wardrobe

Rule #4: Mandatory yearly field trip to look at the stars for team bonding purposes!

Is this just an excuse to spend an entire night looking for UFOs and discussing the possibility of alien life? Y e s. Y e s. Yeeep. What say you, Dr. Expert-in-Oikawa-Matters I say he probably needs his Star Trek collection confiscated to calm down a little YOU’RE NOT CUTE! YOU’RE NOT CUTE AT ALL! THIS IS WHY YOU CAN’T GET A GIRLFRIEND, IWA-CHAN! lol no it’s not

Rule #5: If you bring a water bottle to practice, then take it home with you

The club room is small enough, don’t waste space on stupid stuff, we already have Oikawa that hurt even me UNCALLED FOR IWA-CHAN!

Rule #6: Occasionally the vice-captain will fuck up and end up petting the captain’s hair in apology. Pretend you don’t see this.

I’d like to know who had the balls to write this because he deserves a medal h a p p y   p e o p l e   s h o u l d   a l l   e x p l o d e

Rule #6: For fuck’s sake, no fangirls.

someone explain to me how come Oikawa-san’s presence makes us all invisible? l o l   m i s d i r e c t i o n

Rule #7: Iwa-chan needs some loving every now and then~ Oikawa needs a kick in the ass every now and then

N o   t h a n k s,   I   e n j o y   l i v i n g I also happen to be quite attached to my life r e l a x,   l i t t l e   f i r s t   y e a r s,   I w a i z u m i    m e a n t   t h i s   r u l e   j u s t   f o r   h i m s e l f,   h e’ d   k i l l   y o u   i f   y o u   t r i e d   i t o h    g o d not to worry, Kindaichi, Oikawa-senpai would kill us himself first s o m e h o w    I’ m    n o t   c o m f o r t e d Iwa-chan, how dare you talk about the great Oikawa-san like this! that’s exactly why why does no one respect me in this house. I guess we should show our respect for you more, shouldn’t we, Captain Mattsun~ you’re my favourite♥

Rule #8: We must greet Oikawa’s greatness every morning with a salute and 2 yoga exercises done on the spot.

Downward dog is preferred. I w a i z u m i - s a n,   n o o o o   X D D D Mattsun, you’re no longer my favourite. lol disowned it was all worth it HANAMAKI-SAN DID IT HANAMAKI-SAN DID IT OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA M A T S U K A W A - S A N  T O O!   O M G this is why everyone thinks the volleyball team is not normal well, they’re not wrong

Rule #9: Funny guys who think they’re funnier than they actually are will run laps until they puke♥

Sorry =(   Sorry        S O R R Y       s o r r y ! !       oops We’re really sorry, please don’t kill us Whoever said Captain is not a hardass, my thousand bruises and missing tooth would like to have a word he just wanted to see if your eyebrows get thinner when you’re tired Iwaizumi-san. Not helping. [you’re all so strange - Sawamura] Z I P    I T    K A R A S U N O !

Rule #10: If we’re playing poker, Oikawa-senpai is not allowed in the room

just -how- does he know everyone’s tells? it’s not that bad, is it? m a y b e    i f    y o u    c o u l d   r e s i s t   t h e    u r g e   t o   d o   a   l i v e  a u d i o   c o m m e n t a r y   a n d   d i d n ’t   o u t   e v e r y   s i n g l e   b l u f f   g o i n g  o n I’d also appreciate my eyebrows not being the topic of a 5-minute monologue for once

Rule #11: Monopoly is BANNED.

L e t   i t    b e   n o t e d   h e r e    t h a t    I   o w n e d   a l l   y o u r   a s s e s. Makki, dude, let it go.

Rule #12: No dog jokes, practical or otherwise. Kyotani is enough of a pain in the ass already.

personally I thought the leash was a very nice touch because he didn’t get the joke? because he didn’t get the joke. y o u ’ r e   s o   l u c k y    h e   r e a d   t h e   w o r d   “R u l e s”   a n d   s t a r t e d   p r e t e n d i n g   t h i s   b o a r d   d o e s n’ t   e x i s t

Rule #13: Liberos are precious creatures that must be protected at all costs.

I need to know who wrote this, so I can figure out if I should be feeling the love or the sarcasm Watari, dear, it’s probably both O i k a w a - s a n   o n   p o i n t   a s    a l w a y s

Rule #14: Iwa-chan is a beautiful cinnamon roll, too perfect for this world, too pure

d i d   O i k a w a - s a n   s u r v i v e   w r i t i n g   t h i s ? he’s been missing for three days O H    M Y   G O D    W H A T Kindaichi you saw him less than an hour ago o h.   o h   y e a h.

Rule #15: If you’re drunk, we don’t know you.

But I hear he still carried Captain’s ass home [but did he cop a feel, tho] NEKOMA WHEN I FIND YOU I’M GONNA KILL YOU [that was not a no] please don’t kill another team’s captain, Iwaizumi-san

Rule #16: If you don’t know me, I can do whatever I want

a h.   t h e y ’r e   s t i l l    f i g h t i n g,   a r e n ’t    t h e y ? how observant of you. Does nothing escape your all-seeing eye, Kindaichi?

Rule #17: Team dinners after every match. No exceptions.

good to hear they made up

Rule #18: The next person to start an underwear-stealing chain will be hung up from the school’s flag mast in their socks. And only their socks.

is this actually physically possible? wanna find out?

Rule #19: Iwaizumi-san is always serious, and must always be taken at his word, please don’t ever think he’s kidding because he’ll really do it oh god

and they said high school wouldn’t be a traumatic experience

Rule #20: CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELVES FOR FUCK’S SAKE THAT WAS DISGUSTING

this day will go down in Aoba Johsai history as the smelliest there ever was i t    l o o k s    l i k e    a   d i r t y    l a u n d r y    b o m b   f r o m   h e l l   w e n t    o f f    i n    t h e r e.   w h a t    t h e   h e l l   h a p p e n e d I   n e e d    t o   kn o w:   w h o    d o   t h e   s p a r k l y    a l i e n   b o x e r s   b e l o n g   t o ? lolololol Oikawa-san, Kindaichi found your underwear w h a t ? nooooo, Kin-chan, don’t believe his lies! I know for a fact you have three more pairs in different colours STOP MESSING IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER HAJIME stop hiding the TV remote in there when you’re sulking C a p t a i n… ah, Captain just broke Kindaichi’s little hero-worshipping heart. he should buy him dinner as compensation. and me too. oh no. I feel so disillusioned. only free food can heal the wound in my soul. in fact, he should buy all of us dinner, after all this hard work, isn’t that right, Hanamaki-san? I   w o u l d n’ t    s a y   n o    t o    t h a t,    M a t s u k a w a - s a n. you’re all horrible, horrible people, I should just go to Shiratorizawa you’d be back in three days, tops. you’re so uncute, Iwa-chan. no wonder you can’t get a girlfriend. lolololol that’s not why

Rule #21: don’t underestimate other teams, no matter how weak they seem.

d a m n.   d a m n    d a m n    d a m n   d a m n. next time, man. we’ll only get better from here. stay focused.

Rule #22: Karasuno and Shiratorizawa are going down first - and then we’re going for the Champions Cup. First place will be ours.

Scribbled several times all over the remaining space below rule #22 in different handwritings: Yes, Captain.

RULE THE COURT

(tiny drawing of an adorable, but somehow incredibly menacing chibi!Oikawa, with a cheerful smile full of teeth. The speech bubble next to him reads: “…. or else.”)

[mithliya]

It annoys me to the core how western movements took liberty of appropriating the word "caucasian" for their own vocab as if it was lying around before, meaningless and unused. im a caucasian woman a.k.a a woman born in Dagestan, Caucasus region. i grew up in rural area, with my deeply religious, muslim grandparents( &with all the "percs" that come with it), bc my mom was working her ass off as a nurse 24/7 to feed us, and my dad was prosecuted for being a political activist and couldn't find any job. Eventually, we had to flee our home bc the pressure for my family's political position and ethnicity was immense and honestly hard to bare.

Now, the topic of russian colonisation of Caucasus was somewhat clear before, i could talk in length on it, esp since have a major in history. But now that "caucasian" was rebranded as a new name for white people in the US, i found myself striped of a basic language to describe oppression of my people.

At first, i thought it was only a US-ian quirk, but as i studied in Germany, i had to repeatedly defend my stance on using "caucasian" to name my ethnicity bc profs were arguing that the term is too broad and ambiguous and i should choose another word/title etc. I had to argue with my coursemates a lot bc we essentially misunderstand eachother when i say smth like "the oppression of caucasian people". People online call me racist for calling out this practice.

Honestly, sometimes i lose hope. Everyone see the effects of imperialism and colonization when it's time to point at US ro Canada or UK w/e, but not when it's russian empire/ussr/russian federation. What's more, ru's imperialism is overlooked and enabled. It's always "oh, not all russians" but even ru leftists are imperialists, even ru feminists are imperialists. Tell them not to call caucasians racial and ethnic slurs and mention the possibility of your region gaining independence, and they'll have a meltdown.

Anyways, thanks for reading this. i really didn't mean to vent this much, but as an exmuslim lesbian, i found your blog really compelling. l appreciate your active position and calling out racist and lesbophobes.

i would say it’s not western movements necessarily unless u count those western people that invented the terms for different races to be that,, but ive seen many ppl from the caucus region complain about this too. i wouldn’t say its a new thing either, they’ve been using caucasian to mean white people for quite some time as it was a part of race science. at the same time they called black ppl and asians “negroid” & “mongoloid” respectively, which is now deemed racist for obvious reasons. “mongoloid” probably related to mongols specifically too which makes it confusing. whereas “caucasian” was used to mean basically everyone else. interestingly they didn’t invent the term “europoid” for example so they intentionally made it a broad term & named it after the caucus region bc they deemed ppl from there the mist beautiful and thus the same as europeans.

i feel u tho, ignoring that russia also colonised many countries is unfortunately common & it sucks theres no term that clearly refers to ppl from the caucus bc europeans appropriated caucasian to apply to themselves

[struwwelzeter]

@kitthefox made me do it.

rules: spell your url with song titles and then tag as many people as there are letters (<- yeah, that’s not gonna happen)

S — Solitary Man / Johnny Cash

T — Tears / Boy Harsher

R — Remember the Name / Fort Minor

U — Underdog / Kasabian

W — We’re all in Love / New York Dolls

W — War in my Mind / Beth Hart

E — Ezmeralda / Dirty Bourbon River Show

L — La Lune / L’Impératrice

Z — Zwang / TÜSN

E — Enter Sandman / Metallica

T — Therefore I am / Billie Eilish

E — Endless Nightmare / Midnight Danger

R — Red Flag / Billy Talent

Tagging some people who have already done this but i mean … @tinnike @notafraidofredyellowandblue @venvr @msgwendolenfairfax @debbieroberts @symmetr-eye I always suck at this I just can’t remember the names :(

[soft-pine]

You asked people to point out where your data was wrong and you would fix it. But instead you're blocking people who.... pointed out where you were wrong?? Sounds like you don't actually want to know where you're wrong, you just want people to tell you you're right.

i am blocking w*inc*st accounts as is my damn right. and i've added a few things which people pointed out i missed. but claims like "oh you've got this all wrong see dean is just constantly making comments about how sam's gay and sam only says a few things" just aren't true. that's not something i can fix. i am just keeping track of events as they happen as best i can. the most i can offer is if you think i missed times when dean judged sam's likes or dislikes or something but like i can't take away times sam said something about dean's music taste or something just cause someone has decided that's not gender policing or w/e? The best i can do is try to apply the logic consistently for both of them and people are welcome to help hold me accountable to that. but like that tab literally has a question mark in the title and in my notes I'm really clear that like sometimes things are subjective or harder to categorize but i still wanted to keep track. like people are out here acting like this is me trying to bash sam or like trying to use this data to say he sucks. but i'm literally not. i'm entirely open to people genuinely pointing out "hey you missed X event" but just claiming that i'm doing the whole thing wrong because i don't understand that only dean is actually a homophobic jerk all the time to sam is Literally The Reason I Made This Document because That Is Not The Case. Although of course you're free to feel that way and interpret the show that way and live your entire life. I'm just not going to be bullied into joining that mentality.

also look wow you can still get in touch with me even though i've been blocking people! maybe i just got sick of opening my notifications to accounts shitting on me and crossing my very clearly established boundaries every time i opened tumblr.

[morphogenetic]

why the fuck does anyone want to continue to exist. the world is fucking terrible!!! people die and are exploited every fucking day!!!! people get illnesses that are curable/treatable and get no fucking help because of their money. millions (dare I say up to a billion?) are in poverty and their parents can't help them no matter how much they try. the weather is going to hell because of climate change. every single person living in a developed/not-global-south country is exploiting people who live in those exploited areas. and even aside from the exploitation we all cause harm to each other on the daily just from existing - even if its unintentional harm e.g. car accidents it's still harm. we are all constantly killing and hurting each other and the only way we can't do that (or to experience the hurt/exploitation. depends on where you got lucky enough to be born I guess!!!) is to just straight up die

anyway tldr I'm not doing anything but the world would genuinely be better off without me but not because I'm me specifically but because I'm a first world leech who never does anything to benefit anyone else and is a worthless piece of shit who just sucks up resources that could be going to millions of people who don't even have access to clean drinking water. how do I transfer my life circumstances to someone else and then just peace out and actually go through w kms instead of being a useless worthless piece of trash sucking up water and food and actively contributing to global warming every time I turn on the light. Lol!!!!!! Lol. Everything would be better if I was dead but that's true of the entire world. Either to kill the people ruining it for everyone else (myself included of course) or to give everyone else a way out to ease their suffering.

if only causing a mass-humanity-extinction event wasn't seen as crazy instead of the best way of healing the planet. if only people realized that antinatalism is the only sane viewpoint at this point. if only. but one less person is still better than nothing. too bad I'm so useless I can't even consider d*eing until I have my doctorate. because I'm a fucking fool who wants to die w a dr. before my name if nothing else to have that gender neutral title. If fucking only!!!!

[fangsforthevenom]

okay. speaking as someone who wrote a joke fic that has abo and mpreg in it. there is a certain pet peeve of mine that comes from people looking at the tags, deciding to read the fic, and then commenting something like “oh that was soooo gross lmao🤪” “why did you make me read this eww” “i need eye bleach this sucked 🤢🤢” (<- actual comments i’ve gotten). i did not make you read the fic. those readers chose to look at the title, which makes it pretty clear what it’s going to be about, looked at the tags, and then decided to act like it’s a fucking travesty that i wrote it. maybe they’re spurred on by my explanation that i wrote it in good humor.

like i get it that those are tropes that are often laughed at but do you really need to be putting it on an author’s page? it’s still my work, and i posted it publicly to make people laugh, and tagged it appropriately. idk, it’s like going into a restaurant that sells dishes with bagoong or whatever and telling the chef that after you ate the clearly labeled dish that had a description of what bagoong is (fermented fish paste. smells bad. acquired taste.) that you hated the dish and then expecting the chef to laugh along with you.

ugh whatever i’m rambling. the point i’m trying to make is that you don’t have to read something if you don’t want to and the back button is right there. if it sucks hit the bricks. don’t come into my house and tell me that i suck shit or w/e. acquired taste, man

[fruitynancywheeler]

Title: All I Wanted Rating: E Pairing: Caitlyn/Vi Words: 3,128 Summary: As Caitlyn descended down the halls of Stillwater to meet with the prisoner who caused her only lead to have their jaw wired shut, she didn’t really know what to expect. She imagined a myriad of burly, lumbering men to be the ones pounding against the concrete wall, but the last thing she expected was to see the first and only person she has ever loved.

AU in which Caitlyn and Vi knew each other before everything went down with Silco. Caitlyn, under the assumption Vi died in the explosion, works tirelessly to end the corruption that Piltover inflicts on the Undercity in honor of her lost love.

Violet’s last punch landed on the wall, her body going rigid at the sound of her name. She stood there sucking in deep, haggard breaths, sweat dripping down her body from the exertion of her workout. Caitlyn watched her like a hawk, not believing that Vi was actually in front of her. Seven years hadn’t changed the way her heart still fluttered in her chest at the sight of the woman she loved so deeply. She noticed the pink-haired woman squeeze her eyes tightly shut, shaking her head and muttering something under her breath that Cait couldn’t quite hear.

“You’re not real, go away,” Vi growled louder, taking Caitlyn aback with the hostility in her tone.

“W-what?” Cait stammered, wanting so badly to reach out for her love but uncertain of the reaction she’d receive if she tried.

“You’re not real!” Vi shouted now, moving swiftly towards the bars that separated them to glare at Caitlyn. Her bloody hands gripped the bars, and her face pressed in between them. “You’re just in my head, a ghost. You’re not really here.”

Even though her eyes hadn’t left Vi for a single moment, only now did Cait finally see Violet fully. She noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the pain that was written all over her face, and seeing Vi like this had her heart splitting in two. Vi had been in this horrible place the entire time, all alone, dealing with God knows what.

As if on autopilot, Caitlyn placed her notebook on the floor and stepped over the red line, the urge to reach out, to feel Vi again to prove to herself and to Vi that this was actually real, overpowering the fear of being rejected. She slowly lifted her arm out toward the bars, gauging Violet’s reaction to Cait intruding on her personal space. Vi flinched but made no effort to pull away, so Cait slid her hand between the bar and placed it against the woman’s chest, feeling the rapidly beating heart beneath her fingertips like she had all those years ago when they first kissed. With her other hand, she took one of Vi’s, prying it away from the bars to place it against her own thundering heart.

“It’s me, darling,” Cait whispered, feeling as if she spoke too loudly, it would cause Vi to pull away from her. She couldn’t stop the tears brimming in her eyes even if she tried; the years of pain she had felt hit her like a freight train as she gazed upon the woman she thought she had lost. Her own inner turmoil probably did not even come close to what Vi had dealt with being trapped in this dreaded place.

“I’m really here. With you.”

She watched as Vi’s eyes scanned her from head to toe as if trying to process that what she was seeing wasn’t a figment of her imagination. Cait squeezed Vi’s hand that was still resting atop her chest, hoping to convey that this wasn’t a dream.

Suddenly, the hand that Caitlyn had cradled gently against her was wrenched away. Vi put distance between them, a look of betrayal and anger on her face. The delicate features Cait knew and loved were now stone cold as Vi glared at her.

“You’re one of them,” Vi snarled, her fists clenched at her sides and shoulders hunched like a wild animal, trapped but ready to defend itself from a predator.

“Violet, let me explain. It’s not what it looks like!” Cait tried to reach out again– to get Vi to understand what she’s missed, being locked in here for the last seven years, but the woman she loved took another step back.

“Not what it looks like? How can you walk in here dressed like that and tell me, ‘it’s not what it looks like’?” Vi chuckled bitterly, her voice cracked and sounded slightly hysteric. Her eyes were like daggers cutting into Cait’s heart, but they were so hollow. It was as if all the life that once sparkled in those grey eyes had been completely snuffed out. “Do me a favor and stay the hell away from me, Cupcake.”

The nickname that had once been a fond memory of Caitlyn’s felt like a slap in the face, but she wasn’t ready to give up so quickly. She knew that Vi had to have an extreme amount of trauma to deal with from what had happened all those years ago, and adding whatever horrors she’d had to suffer through here in Stillwater wouldn’t be going to make that any easier. There was also Powder, Silco, and all this madness in the Undercity that Caitlyn knew Vi would dive into as soon as she learned about it because that’s just who Vi was. And Cait would be damned if she let the love of her life go through all of this alone, whether she wanted Cait there for her or not.

“I’m going to get you out of here,” Caitlyn said determinedly, ignoring the anger radiating from the other woman. “I’m going to get you out, and I just ask that you please let me explain myself, and if afterward, you still want me gone, then I will respect that.”

She held Vi’s gaze, trying to see beyond the walls that Vi had constructed to try to find her Violet still in there somewhere. All she needed was a little crack in the impenetrable stone, and she could wriggle herself in and pull Vi back to her, breaking down the fortress that had been constructed within the seven years of complete isolation. Caitlyn waited for any type of reaction, and when she’d almost started to give up, she saw an almost imperceptible nod. If she hadn’t been looking so closely, she would have missed it.

“I will be back, I promise you,” Cait said before gathering her things and quickly making her way toward the elevator. She already had a plan set in motion in her head, and it may get her into some trouble, but quite frankly, she didn’t give a damn. The only thing that mattered to her at that moment was getting Vi out of this awful place.

Once she was back on the boat heading into Piltover, her adrenaline wore off, and tears finally started to fall. The pain of knowing that the love of her life had been alive all this time, and she hadn’t had a clue about it, made her feel like her heart was shattering all over again. All the time that they had lost that could have possibly been avoided if she had just stayed all those years ago instead of returning home made her want to scream. She was grateful for the rushing water to drown out the sounds of her sobs so as not to alert the man steering the boat. When they reached shore, she wiped her tear-stained cheeks and quickly made her way home. Cait arranged another boat to bring her back within the hour, not wanting Vi to be in there any longer than she had to.

As she entered her house, she made a quick stop at her mother’s office before heading to her own room, glad that it was late and her parents were already in bed for the night. She’d been in here enough times over the years to know where her mother kept her important paperwork, easily finding the inmate release forms in the top left drawer of the desk. She grabbed a pen and quickly filled out the form, forging Jayce’s signature at the bottom. There was a chance this wouldn’t work, but the Warden hadn’t seemed to care enough to look into the fact that she wasn’t actually an enforcer anymore, so she hoped that he wouldn’t dig deeper now that she was requesting the release of an inmate. All she knew was that Violet was worth the risk of getting caught.

A couple of hours and a very unpleasant chat with the Warden that left her feeling sick to her stomach and anger boiling in her veins later, she was unlocking the cell that had caged Vi for the last seven years. When their eyes locked, it knocked all the air out of Caitlyn’s lungs, seeing that small spark of life in those grey orbs again. It was just for a short moment, but it was enough to give Cait hope that this could work, that they could work.

“What’s happening?” Vi asked, seemingly not believing that Cait had actually pulled this little stunt off.

“I told you I’d get you out of here,” Cait simply said, holding their eye contact so Vi would understand that this was really happening. It wasn’t some twisted joke being played on her. “Come on, before they start getting suspicious.”

“Why would they get suspicious of another enforcer?”

“I told you I’ll tell you everything, but not here. It’s not safe,” Cait quickly promised, trying to stay calm even though her anxiety felt like it was gnawing at her heart.

They quickly made their way out of the prison that had kept her lover locked away from her for years, and it wasn’t until they were back on the boat heading towards the Undercity that either of them released the air that had been trapped in their lungs from the anticipation of potentially getting caught. Caitlyn had very low expectations that her plan to speak to the tattooed man would even work. She really didn’t think she’d successfully aid an inmate to get out of Stillwater, but miraculously, her shoddy plan had worked out better than she could have imagined.

Once they were off the boat, they found a quiet location away from prying eyes near the bridge to get into Zaun to discuss everything. It was nearing sunrise now. Cait had been up all night breaking Vi out of that prison, and exhaustion was starting to hit her. But this was it for her– if she couldn’t convince Vi to trust her, she would end up losing the love of her life again, and she’d be damned if she let that happen.

“You have about five seconds to start explaining what’s going on and why you’re an enforcer, or else I’m heading off on my own,” Vi demanded, her tone still cold and detached.

“I’m not– I mean, I was, but not anymore. It’s complicated,” Caitlyn sighed, feeling frustrated that her brain wasn’t cooperating with her mouth to properly explain.

“Then how are you wearing that?” Vi snarled, a grimace on her face from just looking at Caitlyn. It broke her heart all over again that Violet couldn’t even look at her without obvious disdain. “Seems pretty straightforward to me, princess. I should have known not to trust a Piltie. I should have known you’d be just like every other Topsider–”

“I went back for you!” Caitlyn shouted, not being able to hear another dig aimed at her anymore. Her outburst made Vi’s mouth snap shut, shock evident on her face from what Caitlyn had said. “That day, when everything fell apart– I saw the explosion from my bedroom. I ran as fast as I could, but I was too late. I saw what happened to Benzo and Sheriff Grayson. I followed to where all the smoke was coming from, and I–”

She choked on her words, feeling all the emotions that she had spent so long trying to shove down into neat little boxes so she could continue to move forward. Tears were gliding down her cheeks, but she didn’t care to wipe them away. Caitlyn longed to reach out for Vi, finally seeing some semblance of emotion from the other woman aside from resentment. But she knew it was too soon. She knew that the trust they once had wasn’t there anymore, and it would take a long time to get it back, if they could ever get it back. But the tears that were brimming in those grey eyes that she loved so dearly gave her hope that maybe there was a chance.

“I found Ekko in front of Vander’s body. Saw Claggor’s bloody goggles clutched in his hands. And he said all of you were dead. I thought you were dead,” Caitlyn cried, taking a step forward into Vi’s personal space. If she hadn’t been so tormented by the memories of the past, she would’ve been pleased that Vi didn’t back away. “I mourned for you. Every day for the last seven years, I have mourned for you. I became an enforcer to try to figure out what enforcers were on Silco’s payroll. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, and god knows Ekko wasn’t pleased with my decision either, but he saw the importance behind it.”

“You’re still in contact with Ekko?” Vi croaked, the first words she was able to speak since Caitlyn had started to rehash the events of the past. Cait nodded in response and saw a soft smile form on Vi’s face. “How is he?”

“He’s so good, Vi,” she whispered. “As good as he can be considering the downfall of the Lanes. He formed his own group. He has a place for orphans or anyone looking for an escape from Silco’s grasp. He’s become quite the leader.”

“You’ve helped him?”

“As much as I can,” she confirmed. “Not nearly enough as I’d like, but that’s why I decided to join the enforcers until my mother got me laid off after an injury.”

“How did you get injured?” Vi asked, almost sounding a little concerned for the ex-enforcer’s well-being.

The momentum of Caitlyn’s explanation died on her tongue with the realization that she was about to break Violet’s heart all over again. She knew the information that she had on Powder would create an enormous amount of pain for her refound love, and she hated that she had to be the one to break the news to Vi. Cait licked her suddenly dry lips as she tried to formulate a way to say what she needed as painless as possible, but deep down she knew that trying to sugarcoat the truth wouldn’t help in this situation.

“After– that day, I thought all of you had died, but…” Cait stammered, choking on the words she so desperately needed to get out. “Silco, he got–”

“He has Powder,” Vi interrupted, a sad, knowing look in her gaze. “I saw him approach her after everything went down. After I blamed her for what happened.”

Cait watched as Vi started pacing, a calloused hand rubbing the back of her neck as she got lost in her own memories of what happened all those years ago. The turmoil Vi was experiencing made Caitlyn want to reach out to her again, but she knew that she shouldn’t, so she stood by and waited for the other woman to process her feelings.

“I tried to get to her when I saw him approach, but then Marcus knocked me out and dragged me to Stillwater.”

“It’s Marcus,” Cait whispered, not surprised but angry she hadn’t found evidence on him sooner. “He’s the one on Silco’s payroll.”

“Yup,” Vi scoffed, hatred for the coward dripping from her tone. “That poor excuse of a man is why Silco has gotten away with destroying the Undercity. Why Silco has Powder. I need to get her back.”

“Vi, you have to understand… she’s different now,” Cait tentatively said, stepping forward to finally reach out against her better judgment to stop the pacing. Her hand gently rested on Vi’s shoulder, feeling her initially stiffen at the touch but relaxing shortly after.

“Different, how?”

“You asked about my injury before, and– it was due to an explosion that she caused. It killed four other enforcers,” Cait explained, hoping the gravity of the circumstances was properly conveyed to the woman who had not seen the outside world in years. “She… goes by the name Jinx now.”

Vi stumbled back from Cait’s touch as if she had been burned, tears immediately threatening to spill from those hauntingly beautiful grey eyes that Caitlyn had longed to look into again since the day she had lost Vi. Vi’s breathing became labored as the words washed over her as if she was fighting off a panic attack.

“This is my fault,” she cried, a tear falling that she angrily swiped away. She looked as if she was about to collapse, and Caitlyn quickly reached back out to catch her. They both crumpled to the ground, Cait’s arm wrapped tightly around Vi’s shoulders as the other girl sobbed into her chest. “This is all my fault.”

“No, darling,” Caitlyn soothed, stroking her free hand through pink hair. “The only one to blame is Silco.”

“I told her she was a jinx. I blamed her for all of them dying. She only wanted to help,” Vi continued to sob, clutching onto Caitlyn’s uniform. “She only wanted to help.”

All Caitlyn could do was hold Violet until her tears stopped falling and her breathing was back under control. There were no reassuring words that Caitlyn could provide the other woman because she didn’t know where this road was going to lead them. She didn’t know if Vi would even want her to be by her side through all of this, so she just held onto Vi while she still had the chance to. The ex-enforcer didn’t know how much time had passed as they sat there together, but when Vi finally pulled back, the sun had fully risen, and the rest of the city seemed to be waking up.

“I have to get her back. I have to get through to her,” Vi sniffled, a look of determination reflected in her eyes. She slowly stood from their seated position, and Cait suddenly felt cold from the loss of contact with her former girlfriend.

“I know you do, but Vi, it isn’t going to be easy. Silco has done a number on her over the years,” Caitlyn warned.

“I have to try anyway. I can’t give up on her again,” Vi said. Her grey eyes scanned Caitlyn’s face as if weighing the decision of whether or not she could trust the ex-enforcer. After a moment, a wrapped, calloused hand reached down towards Caitlyn. “Are you with me?”

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation. Caitlyn immediately grasped the hand extended to her. She wouldn’t allow Vi to slip away from her again after years apart. She was more determined than she ever had been to rebuild the relationship they once shared, even if it only ever led to friendship. Violet was far too important to her to let the other woman do this on her own.

“Always.”