#tired and laughing yep thats me to a t

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

How the mercs are when you pull their collar/tie for a kiss. (maybe a full kiss maybe a cheek kiss it depends) (I got this idea from youtube idk I was browsing when just a cool animation with an oc or something and had a tie pull kiss part and then I was like huh...yep let me use this idea for my writing, also so sorry I don`t have a link for the video since I just skipped passed as soon as it ended so yeah. enjoy) (Sorry not gonna lie this is a bit suggestive maybe, there is a lot of flirty crap) It seems like the s/o (reader) are a bit cheeky today~!

Scout

You felt very cheeky today and wanted to revenge on scout for kissing you during a mid-conversation with your best friend. Revenge time baby!! You were thinking of ways to get revenge... Hmm Oh, I shou- Nah... hmmm. Then! You saw scout talking with the other teammate, *Ding!* Oh! I got a gooood idea~! You walked over to him, and you suddenly pulled his collar and kissed his lips. Oh and then- Wh-WH-WHaT!? BANG! That was a critical hit! He was red in an instant. He looked like a lobster. ''Scout that`s what you get for kissing me mid conversation~ you then gave a smirk and left. He was so red he cant even think straight. U-Uhh Um I. The teammate he was talking was laughing so hard, ''Haha scout! Y-Your face is so fucking red I cant *wheeze*'' '' SHUT UP! Ugh...s/o...you are so unfair sometimes...''

Soldier

You just felt like pranking him you dont know why. You just wanted to see his face of pure shock. You were curious. Hmmm....What should I do... Then you saw soldier sitting at the table reading something. While approaching him you got the idea, oh thats perfect hehe... He then saw you. ''Oh! hello-cupca-'' *you pulled his collar and kissed him roughly* !? w-what. His face was red. (Oh~so thats what he looks like when he is pure shock, hehe its so cute!) He then dropped his book, and you picked it up. ''Oh, soldier what are you reading? It looks interesting'' He was still bright red. He couldn't even for a sentence. ''Well, I, um, I'' Then engi called for you, ''Oh gotta go! See you later soldier~'' This is one of the rare moments when he stutters and is just speechless. By the way, he got revenge by kissing you even more rougher the next day. I guess you are both even now :3

Pyro

You were just bored, I am booooooorrrreeeed! Then you saw pyro hmmmmmm oh. Yep you the idea out of the blue, sure why not try it out. You approached pyro secretly, (luckily pyro was focused on doodling something) Hey pyro! *Looks back* mmph? you then gently pulled his their suit thing and kissed. !!! Hehe how are you, sweetheart? *pyro still in shock* Hello pyro? You ok? *realize* Pyro covered their face with their hand. AWWW That`s so cute pyro!

Engineer

You were looking for engi since you asked him to repair your weapon You walked into the workplace damn its messy he must be really busy these days. You saw engi working seriously on something he didt even hear you walk in. You then suddenly decided to give a reward to him. *tap on his shoulder* Huh? *pulls his collar for a kiss* !!!! Hi, engi~! You ok? He was beet red. Even with his helmet covering his face, he still was beet red. ''Oh h-hi s-s/o. Did y-ya just...'' ''Yep! I just wanted to reward you with a kiss since you work so hard :)'' Bang! Y-You have done it again, a cute attack. For the next few days, he was not able to look at your face without blushing madly. Damn it!

Heavy

...I am sorry but you really cant even if you push/pull with full force he aint gonna budge even with three people he ain`t gonna move. But! That aint gonna stop you either! :3. You wanted to surprise kiss him...that is no easy task....hmmm....what should I do...!. Oh, I got it! You walked to heavy with a smirk, he was laying on the couch. He was awake just tired. You then purposefully made noise (idk like whispering his name, making loud footsteps, etc) when stepping close, so that you let him know that you are approaching. You then look at him face to face. ''Hello s/-'' You then bent down and gave him a smooch, (sorry this might be hard to imagine) !!! He was surprised...pleasantly surprised.

Demoman (Just don`t say anything about the end, it is so random help)

He was always such a cheeky boy!!! It was your turn now! hehe. Then you planned for the ultimate surprise kiss! hmm, what should it be what should it be oh! *the biggest smirk ever* You two were drinking some scrumpy or just chilling in general in the living room. He was drunk you were waiting for the moment hehe... *yawn* I feel like I am dreaming right now~! Oh, you do? *pulls his collar for a kiss* Are you still dreaming sweetheart? hmm? *smirk* *demo blushes but becomes okay quickly* hehe, you are so cheeky s/o~I think this is the best dream ever~! Oh, look a star! Wait what there is no- *He then pulls your collar for a kiss this time more deeper...* I gotcha my star! You are my star *blush* You got me again... *sigh* Haha! Ya but you also got me too so we are even my little star~ :)

Sniper (oh boy)

This is interesting. You were very curious about his reaction. You had this idea for quite a while now...I gonna try this today. It gonna be so cute. You both were heading to the base you both just finished some private missions yey! You guys were walking...holding hands...his hand was so warm damn. You guys were quietly walking slowly approaching the door. Before sniper opened it you stopped him ''Hey sniper bend down, I have to show something'' ''Oh ok.'' When he bent down you took his collar and gave him a big smooch and then whispered in his ear. ''Oh~I just wanted to show my love for you, my dear~'' You then opened the door, ''we`re back!'' He was standing the mad red, (what just happened!?)

Medic (A bit flirty and long just saying)

He was so cheeky, no. the right word should be flirty. But! Sometimes he was off guard you know~ That means its your time to shine :)). He was about to go to battle, he was just preparing at the medic bay for some stuff. You could't go saddly you injured your right arm baddly and needed to heal properly. Medic was a worried little doctor. You were walking around looking for him. You just wanted to say bye before he left for battle. You then saw him, ''Oh hi medic!'' ''Oh hi love...!!! You got out bed!? It is dangerous!'' ''Medic my legs are fine you know? Just my arm.'' ''Still I am worried you will trip over something!'' ''It's fine medic!'' ''NO, it is not.'' His face was so cute right now. (I mean it is always but anyway) He was currently bending down to talk to you face to face. You then took the chance. ''S/o be good an-'' *you pulled his collar and give him a kiss* !!! ''W-What!?'' The mission starts in 1 minute. You then decided time to shine even more and whispered in his ear. '' Fine~ I will be a good~ So you be a good boy too okay? If you be a good boy in battle then I will reward you a kiss ok~?'' He blushed red, then you letted go his collar. ''Lets see how this goes~♡'' You then headed to the hospital bed. The mission starts in 30 seconds. He headed to battle red as a tomato. ''You ok doc-'' ''I am FINE!'' So the question is, was he a good boy during battle and help everyone? Yes~ You know what that means~ Did he get his kiss from s/o? Of course, he did~♡

Spy

He was focused on the book he was reading. You didn't feel cheeky or anything you just wanted to surprise this man. It would be so cute~! He always did fancy and romantic kisses. You wanted to try too :3. You have been thinking about what to do, then you got the idea. You tried your best to hide the smirk on your face, luckily spy was focused on the book so he did not notice. Good. You then got off your chair and walked toward his chair. He noticed but didn't bother to look. good. You then walked next to his chair and watched. He was just about to look back! CHANCE!!!. You gently pulled his tie and kissed him softly on the lips. He had a face of shock. You smirked, ''hehe, Did I surprise you, love?'' ''W-wh'' Somebody called for you. ''Oh! I will be right back.'' As soon as you closed the door after you left. *Floof* He was a little red, not bright but just a bit red. (S-S/o`s smirk was so cute, goddamit. They got me...) When you came back he gave you another fancy kiss! ''Oh, mon amour~'' *The room was soon full of giggles* :)

This was fun. This is like the kissing hc but part 2 and a bit different. Wooo I am now fine by the way who asked! I love you all! Hope you enjoyed it. Until, the next post bye! :3

[asscandles]

Hey thanks for clarifying before now can I have some friendship(maybe secret crush)headcanons for Fuyuhiko, Peko, and Toko with a friend(reader) thats llike your generic dumbass but they are just like a soft dumbass, they are just too cute to get mad at no matter how stupid they are. So basically a giant cuddly dumbass that just radiate baby energy. Like they(reader)just run up to them saying they want to show them something cool and its just a pretty rock but they look so happy. gender neutral.

ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴋɪɴᴅ ᴏꜰ ʟᴏɴɢ, ꜱᴏ ɪ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴘᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜᴛ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴀ ʟᴏᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴜɴ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ, ꜱᴏ ɪ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ɪᴛ! ʙᴜᴛ, ɪꜰ ɪᴛ ɪꜱɴ’ᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ, ɪ’ᴍ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ!

ɪ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ꜰɪɴɪꜱʜᴇᴅ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴀᴛ 3:26 ᴀᴍ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴡᴇᴇᴋꜱ ʟᴀᴛᴇ, ɪ’ᴍ ᴀʟꜱᴏ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜱᴋᴀʟꜰꜰᴅᴊᴋꜰᴀʟ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ

Peko Pekoyama

“I--What are you doing?”

You stand on the counter, arms extended straight out at your sides. You continue staring ahead with an expressionless face. “I see no god up here… other than me!”

Peko sighs, and you immediately look down at her with round eyes. “Oh, but you’ll always be my queen, Peko! I want you by my side forever!”

Since Peko is always wielding/cleaning her sword, you carry around pastel-colored bandaids and a small first-aid kit in your backpack.

You’re usually by her side, so your absence is always noticed quickly, if not immediately.

You once fell asleep somewhere you shouldn’t have, leaving Peko to ravage the island, searching every nook and cranny until she finally found you curled up in a corner of the airport. All she could do was sigh and crack a tiny, relieved smile. She transfers her sword to her hands before easing you onto her back. Her heart swells when you mumble something and wrap your arms around her neck. All the way back to your cottage, she chides you quietly.

“It’s not safe to be so vulnerable out here. If you’re going to fall asleep out here, do it while I’m with you. Then, you can sleep as soundly as you want.”

M A T C H I N G  B R A C E L E T S

You excitedly gave Peko a card to celebrate the anniversary of your friendship. Peko snorted upon seeing that all of the drawings inside were either stick figures or poorly colored. But you just looked so happy… she couldn’t even bring herself to tease you about it.

You both refuse to speak of this, but one night, Peko woke up to the flickering of a faint light and feverish whispering. She had switched into attack mode in a fraction of a second, only to stop dead in her tracks. You had been standing in the middle of the room, doing the renegade by the light of your phone. You froze upon her reaction. Both of you sat there, staring at each other for a solid twelve seconds. You then proceeded to finish the dance, looking her dead in the eye. Peko may have be tired, but she’d be damned if she let you do it alone. So, she does it while standing on her bed, but clearly lacking energy and motivation.

Ambushing Peko with affection is not uncommon for you. It happens rather often, you clinging to her waist and pleading with her, “Hey, tell me that story again! You know, the one where Fuyuhiko was being held captive and you swooped in with your sword and saved the day!”

When you found out that Peko loved fluffy things, you were ecstatic. You bundled her into your cottage immediately, showing off a small collection of stuffed animals that you had managed to cram into your backpack before your arrival at the island.

Peko selects a white cat plushie as her favorite. From that point on, it is your child. No arguments.

You tend to get lost, so Peko sarcastically suggested tying a balloon to your wrist so that you would be easier to find. But, you totally caught her off guard when your eyes began to sparkle and you shouted, “Can I pick the color?” When she doesn’t answer immediately, you grab her hands and hold them close to your own chest endearingly. “Pretty please? With marshmallows and cookie crumble and whipped cream and sprinkles on top?” Peko obliges. When the balloon is finally secured around your wrist, you are absolutely fascinated by it.

You often fawn over Peko’s skills; but when you do, you use interjections and sound effects because you aren’t able to convey your excitement with just words.

Okay, but she’s actually worried about you lmao

“You have… a lot of mosquito bites. What happened?”

“What? They’re not bites! They were giving me kisses, silly!”

You’ve tried multiple times to surprise her with tickle attacks, but they never work. The only time it went according to plan, you managed to get your hands on her for exactly 0.7 seconds before she turned the tables on you.

Platonic dates? Platonic dates.

You’ve 100% made her flower crowns whose petals match the color of her eyes. 

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

“So… I saw some sour candy in the supermarket. If you lend me the money, I’ll give you half of the rocks I found.” :)

“Considering the fact that you get an adrenaline rush from successfully flipping a pancake, a single piece would kill you immediately.”

Everyone who discovers you two are friends is immediately suspicious. When I say suspicious, I mean, “(Reader), whatever blackmail he’s holding over your head, you don’t have to be scared. We can take care of this together.”

But after witnessing a few of your interactions, they learn of one irrefutable fact.

The embodiment of rage and vulgarity bottled up in human skin does indeed have a weakness.

And that weakness is you.

It didn’t take long for Fuyuhiko to become aware of your appreciation for stickers and your tender heart. That being said, when you’re upset, he won’t object too severely when you request to smooth stickers all over him. He would prefer to keep this interaction private, but if someone does happen to catch him with giraffe stickers on his cheeks and rainbows on his jacket, then he’s going to wear them proudly, goddamnit.

And if anyone has anything rude to say about it, then I hope they can speak sign language, because all they’ll be seeing is hands.

You’re aware of his insecurities, and you can understand why he feels the way that he does. But that’s where you come in. You always seem to approach him at the right moments. 

By now, you’ve figured out that he doesn’t always need words to reassure him. It’s enough if you’re just there, ready with open arms and a glass of water. Fuyuhiko doesn’t cry often. But when he does, he ends up dehydrated more often than not.

Let’s be honest. After Fuyuhiko lost his eye, his depth perception was most likely shit. You were always at his side, one hand on his arm as you gently guided him from room to room. You watched over him.

Accidentally knocking over a drink? You were ready to wipe it up. Searching for something he lost? You were there, helping him look. Tripping or bumping into things? You were there with a first aid kit to patch him up.

You try to match his level of sass, but you’re highkey too nervous to swear and you usually stutter the last word of whatever witty comeback you manage to come up with. Fuyuhiko secretly thinks it’s adorable, and he doesn’t want you to lose that part of yourself. That’s why he always defends you when it comes to verbal beatdowns.

You once drew a face on an egg, and when Fuyuhiko questioned you about it, the only thing you could offer was a deadpan “our son.”

“What the hell--that’s an egg.”

“No! His name is Linguini and he’s our child!”

Fuyuhiko is exhausted bro.

You’ve approached him countless times, eyes glowing with awe and insisting that you need to show him something really cool. It’s usually just a rock or a piece of glass, though. He always has the urge to poke fun at you for it, but it fizzles away when he sees how utterly bewitched you are with your find.

One time, he had walked into the room to see you standing on the arms of an office swivel chair, knees bent and arms extended as you fought to maintain your balance. You seemed to be fairly steady.

Still, that didn’t prevent him from nearly falling into cardiac arrest on the spot.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

It had startled you, and the chair rolled out from underneath you. Fuyuhiko rushed to catch you. You both tumbled to the floor in a knot of limbs, lying there in varying degrees of pain. You were laughing. Fuyuhiko was absolutely most fucking not.

“Thanks for breaking my fall!” You had chirped, gesturing to the arm lodged under the small of your back to protect it.

“You little--” Fuyuhiko’s voice had been strained, but his tight-lipped grimace dissolved into a sigh at the sight of your smile. He disentangled himself from you and pressed the pad of his index finger into your forehead. Your lips formed a small “o” shape, your eyes crossing to try to keep track of his finger. “You need to be more careful from now on. I won’t always be here to catch you.”

“But, you’ll still patch me up afterward, right?” You poked his forehead back.

He huffed and pulled away from you. “To the best of my ability. But don’t push it.”

Toko Fukawa

Initially, the only reason that Toko set aside her natural distrust and suspicion of people in order to befriend you was because she thought that you were simply too innocent and simple-minded to ever think badly of a friend.

She thought that having such a sweetheart glued to her side would disperse her dubious reputation and make her seem less suspicious during class trials.

Yep… That’s the only reason she keeps you around...

Not because of the way her heart feels all fuzzy when you embrace her… Or because of how your eyes sparkle whenever she offers to let you read one of her new works… Or because of how relaxed she feels when you weave her hair into intricate braids…

Not at all…

Hahahashutuphahaha…

She often scolds you for being such a pushover when people disrespect you, but she means well. You insist that it doesn’t bother you, but she’s an expert on human emotion. She is a writer, after all. She knows that it haunts your thoughts for a while afterward, and she hates seeing you like that.

You’ve noticed that Toko bites her nails when she’s stressed, so you’ve decided to combat her habit by applying nail polish to her nails. That way, you figure, the taste of the nail polish will deter her from tearing at them with her teeth. She also has the option of picking off the nail polish, which is probably less harmful than chewing on them.

You also kinda sorta... believe that video game cheat codes work in real life, so you’re often moving around and jumping, shouting the combinations as you go.

“Right! Right! Left! Up! Left! Down! Right! X! Y! Now, confess your sins!” You command during a class trial, pointing vaguely toward the accused. Toko just quietly shushes you, dark circles rimming her eyes as she pats your head.

You’ve adopted the habit of narrating the things you do, like whispering “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle” when sliding your feet into your shoes and “shimmy, shimmy, shimmy” when slipping your charm bracelet past your hand onto your wrist. Coincidentally, Toko has also subconsciously started doing the same thing, and she cannot think of anything more irritating.

She once jokingly told you to stop being so dependent on her. You promptly flushed scarlet and snatched the box she had been carrying out of her hands, insisting that you were more than capable of taking it to storage yourself. You had marched indignantly out of the room and headed left, only for Toko to call out, “Uh, storage is the other way.”

You reappeared a moment later, now stomping in the opposite direction. “I knew that!” You huffed.

You’re aware of Genocide Jack, but you aren’t afraid. You whole-heartedly trust that your friendship is enough to outmatch Genocide Jack’s bloodlust, as naive as it may be. Your only response to Toko’s confession of having a split personality is to gift her a cherry-flavored lip balm with a bright smile. At first, Toko is confused. You explain that whenever Genocide Jack makes an appearance, their tongue is always lolling out of their mouth. You’re concerned that their lips will get dried out, and you want to do your best to prevent it.

Did Toko’s heart just burst? Maybe.

Toko shares her romance novels with you, but only the ones without sexual interactions. She believes that you’re far too pure for those. Plus, she would really not rather answer your questions about anything of that nature.

Toko is determined to preserve your purity. She’s very protective whenever someone shows the slightest bit of sexual or romantic interest in you, and has even referred to you as her baby before.

Whenever Toko gets insecure or anxious and covers her face with her hands, you gently remove them from her face with a soft giggle of “Peekaboo!” Toko doesn’t fight you as you carefully pull her into your arms and rest her head against your chest. In fact, she finds herself surprisingly close to tears when you inquire, “Hey, you want to hear a lullaby? I can’t remember who sang it to me first, but it always helps me calm down. So, I want to share it with you!”

There will be times when Toko is too busy writing stories to pay you any attention. But no matter! After a moment of consideration, you have an idea. You gather blankets and pillows and settle onto the floor beside Toko’s seat. Your arms loop themselves around her leg, and your head finds its way onto her thigh. It isn’t long before you doze off, Toko watching you in silent shock, face rosy with bashfulness and eyes wide.

Toko is very adamant about covering up her legs due to both the tally marks scored across her skin and the quote-on-quote “sturdiness” of her thighs. You, however, have an entirely different outlook. You reason, “the bigger your thighs, the more snacks you can hide under them!” 

[cl-01-kestis]

A Gut Feeling - Tech x Mechanic!Reader | Soulmate AU | 2/2

Summary: After your sleepless night of meeting your Soulmate, you wake up the next day to find he’s leaving.

Warnings: angst

Surprisingly, you had the best sleep you had in a very long time. You didn’t toss or turn, or wake up randomly in the middle of your sleep, you stayed still till the late morning and you woke up to the sound of the bunker door being opened. All the clones were up and dressed, out on patroll which left you all alone.

Rex was the one who woke you up, patting your face softly since he wasn’t entirely good at waking people up. You woke up feeling not tired at all, you felt so fresh and ready for anything to be thrown at you. You got showered in the refreshers and quickly changed into a t-shirt and combat shorts considering it was a sunny day today on Anaxes. Your tattoos were on full display as you walked out of the bunker with a towel draped around your shoulders since your hair was still wet, rubbing your scalp and walking down the ramp which led to the large concrete platform of the Republic base.

Kix and Jesse walked with you to your station at the one of the many mechanic stations, making successful conversation with you as you ruffled your hair once more and looked out across the platform to the bit at the back of the base where Anakin and Mace were discussing things. You didn’t have the energy to work too much today, it had been drained from you the day before and you felt like you needed a day off - if Rex would let you.

“You seem in a good mood today” Jesse commented with a smile, his helmet wedged between his elbow and waist as he leaned against one of the clone carriers which was next to your station. You smiled at his comment, remembering the occurrences that too place last night and unable to stop the grin spreading over your face.

“A bit, yeah” You giggled, causing Kix and Jesse to exchange a look of curiosuty. This didn’t go unnoticed by you though, you only found it more amusing that they were oblivious as to what happened. However, you kept your mouth shut and leaned against your speeder as you sipped on some Caf that Kix fetched for you before getting here.

“Have your missions been difficult recently?” You asked, continuing the conversation on matters that excluded you as you watched the two clones with a smile. Jesse nodded, frowning, that didn’t mean anything good.

“We were assigned to a Separatist base on Anaxes; that Bad Batch were with us- I don’t like em’” Jesse grumbled, causing Kix to laugh and shove his shoulder playfully.

“Don’t get rubbed up the wrong way about them, Jesse, they’re not worth our time” Kix brushed off Jesse’s aggression and his gaze returned to yours. He noticed the way your face got a little dark with a blush, the way you chewed on your lip and tapped your fingers on your Caf cup before looking down at the ground and sighing.

“Something on your mind?” Kix asked with a raised brow. You shook your head quickly in response, sipping shyly at your Caf once again. Jesse exchanged another look with Kix, speaking with their eyes before Rex came out of nowhere to interrupt them.

“You’re requested on Bay 6, (Y/N), as for you two, come with me” Rex didn’t smile as he stared at his soldiers, causing them to immediately get in formation and put their helmets on before following him to wherever they had to go. As for you, you didn’t waste a moment as you downed the rest of the Caf and placed your towel on the seat of your speeder.

You let out another yawn as you walked across the massive platform of the Anaxes station, stretching your arms out and cracking your back as you passed many clones, shouting over and wishing them a good morning followed by waves and salutes. The morning sun kissed your revealed skin as you rubbed your forehead with your shirt, waving yourself as an attempt to cool off as you approached bay 6, noticing Hunter sitting down beside Wrecker who you hadn’t yet met.

“Morning Serg!” You shouted, catching his attention and Wreckers who jumped slightly at your voice.

“Morning (Y/N)! Sleep well?” Hunter asked kindly, patting the spot next to him which made you smile.

“Yep, you?” You seemed shy but surprisingly casual as you sat down next to Hunter, your knees bent as your elbows rest on them. Hunter and Wrecker seemed to be doing the same thing as you and enjoyed the Anaxes sun on their skin, the top half of their armour discarded and in a pile beside them.

“Wrecker slept like a baby, none of us could get to sleep last night with all his snoring” Hunter chuckled, nudging Wrecker who blushed at being called out by his Sergeant, shrugging off his comment casually.

“Pardon me if I’m wrong, but Captain Rex told me I was requested here?” You asked with a tilted head, scratching the back of your neck as you watched Hunters expression shift from a curious one to a smirk.

“Yes thats correct, Tech’s not been shutting up about you” He let out a breathy laugh, Wrecker joining him in the process as if the two of them had an inside joke. Without thinking, a blush swarmed your face and you made a small ‘oh’ noise.

“Where is he now?” You asked, Hunter replied by sticking his thumb up and pointing it behind him at the bunker behind all of you sitting on the ramp.

“Crosshair’s not in so take all the time you need” Hunter winked.

“O-oh, no it’s not like-“ You didn’t even bother to finish the sentence as Hunter and Wrecker smirked to themselves, watching you stand up and walk towards the bunker with a nervous frame. You chapped on the door a couple of times, calling out Tech’s name before it opened and a pair of strong hands pulled you in, the door immediately closing behind you.

“Maker!” You placed a hand on your chest, looking up and feeling immediate relief when you saw Tech.

“Morning sweetheart, sorry I scared you” Tech chuckled, removing his helmet from his head but he kept on his goggles as he bent down to give you a peck.

“Not at all, just a little susprised” You smiled, cupping his cheek and stroking it softly with our thumb. Tech placed his helmet on the nearest bed beside him and took off his goggles, placing them beside his helmet before wrapping an arm around your waist. Your heart fluttered at his romantic gestures and you looked up at his beautiful light brown eyes. You noticed a hint of honey swirled around the pupils and that only made him more beautiful.

“I’ve got a while till I have to leave, but I want to spend it with you” Tech said with a shy smile, taking something from his pocket and revealing a beautiful dark purple crystal that sparkled in the bunker’s lamp light.

“This is just a little thing I picked up on my way back to the base, I saved it for studies but I thought you might like it” He sounded almost nervous as he raised it to your view, offering you it with a slightly shaky hand. Without hesitance, you cupped the stone in your hands and delicately took it from Tech’s, staring at it with big eyes.

“This is beautiful, pelire” You gasped, clutching the stone tight to your heart and looking up at Tech with the most beautiful expression he’d ever seen.

“I’m glad you like it my dear, let’s sit” He offered you his hand, smiling from ear to ear as you took it and let him drag you to his part of the bunker which was filled with all different types of technology and materials. Tech was certainly the curious type.

“Wow” Your mouth gaped open when you spotted his data pad.

“This is one of a kind technology! I’ve heard all about this stuff, it’s so cool seeing one in person!” You started geeking out with your mechanic mind, sitting down on Tech’s bed and placing the stone on your lap before carefully picking up his specialised data pad. Tech sat down opposite you on the bed beside his and watched you with a beaming expression.

“Kamino was kind enough to offer me one, you can look through it if you want” He shrugged as he gestured to the data pad, folding his arms and leaning them on his knees as he continued watching you fiddle around with it.

“This is so cool- sorry I’m going through all your stuff without even asking you” You reached out to offer him his data pad but he raised a hand to deny it.

“Look through it, there’s loads of different photos from different missions I’ve been on if you want to check them out” Tech moved over to sit beside you, taking his data pad from your grasp and typing in a few things before bringing up a folder full of hundreds, if not thousands of photos.

“Wow...” Your jaw started to get sore with how much it was staying open, eyes darting to each photo to drink in as much info as you could. Tech wrapped an arm around your waist as he placed the data pad on his lap and started scrolling through the photos.

“This was when all of us were cadets” He chuckled, clicking on one photo in particular that revealed them as very young boys. You instantly recognised Tech and chuckled when you saw him whack Wrecker in the top of the head with a smaller data pad, they looked as though they were arguing in the photo whereas Crosshair and Hunter laughed.

You felt so comfortable in his arms, you were so glad he was opening up to you like this. You understood it would take him a while to do this with anyone else, that thought made your heart race. Seeing Tech in his childhood made you realise just how much he was like anyone else, that went for all the other clones. He was just like you, he had a life before he met you and you wanted to learn all about it, just like he wanted to learn all about you.

“What about that one?” You asked, clicking on another photo which showed a teenage Tech cuddling a very grumpy Crosshair as he slept. You giggled as Tech blushed and scrolled to the next one.

“It was common for us to cuddle, warmth is a survival tool after all” Tech tried to reason as he fought the redness off his face. You continued smiling at his words and thought of how cute he looked when he was asleep, not in a creepy way or anything.

“This one looks interesting” You pointed at the screen, your finger hovering above a young Tech as he aimed his two DC-17 hand blasters at a Separatist model on the clone training course.

“That was my final exam, all of us went through a different training program to heighten each of our abilities - I had to get into the system to shut down all the droids, it was prettt difficult though” He chuckled at the end, scratching his neck as he looked at the photo for a second longer before sighing to himself and swiping away from the photos. You looked up to Tech who seemed deep in thought, placing the data pad beside him on his bed before turning to look at you.

“I know this is a sudden question, but when can I next see you?” He sounded excited as he took your hands in his and smiled. Your heart skipped a beat just at the sight of his smile and you had to think for a moment, pursing your lips and frowning before raising your brows and sighing.

“I’ll be moved to Coruscant whenever Skywalker lets me, but I’m free whenever... what about you?” Your voice trailed into a soft whisper, your chest starting to sink with sadness when you realised Tech was going to leave today.

“I have no idea, we’re a busy troop... but I will visit as much as I can- here” Tech took a pen out of his pocket, looking around for a piece of paper. Rolling your eyes, you offered him your bare arm and let out a chuckle when you saw his frown of confusion.

“Make do with what you’ve got” You caused a smile to burst out on his face once more and he shrugged, taking your arm as if it were glass and scribbling down his holonumber on it before leaving a small ‘x’ at the end. You giggled at his gesture and looked at it once he was finished. He had such nice handwriting, even on skin.

“I may not always be around but I’ll always be one text away” He cupped your cheek, kissing your forehead lovingly before leaning his own against yours. You two stayed like that for a while, basking in the comfortable silence of the bunker and lacing your fingers together.

Everything felt so perfect. You couldn’t wait to tell your parents about this, especially your Dad and Brother. Having found your soulmate, you had such a more positive perspective on life and you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your days beside Tech. You understood you’ve barely known him for a day but he immediately made himself a part of you the moment you both met. It felt like this was what the force wanted, even though you weren’t a Jedi or force wielder, but you heard the Jedi speak of it including Mace Windu, who had originally found you and recommended you to the organisation of Mechanics working at Coruscant.

You admit you weren’t ready to leave Tech just yet even though he needed to go, you had just met him only yesterday and you couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to him when you two were apart. You wouldn’t forgive yourself if that were the case.

Tech seemed to notice your tense posture and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers grazing your skin for a while longer as if he was analysing how everything felt and what emotions he was experiencing. Tech was so brand new to this emotion called love, all his life he never desired such things but now he was face to face with it. He couldn’t run from it and he certainly didn’t want to, and it made it even more interesting considering you two were completely different in almost everything. But aside from differences, the two of you were surprisingly very similar personality and hobby wise. He loved using technology, you loved to make it. He loved exploring the universe, you had yet to see it at all. He loved learning new things, you were the one who taught him, and you were teaching him now what love really meant.

He cherished this moment with you as if it would he his last, and there was no telling whether or not that would be the case. Tech was a busy man and dealt with deadly missions that almost got him killed over 50% of the time. Things were difficult now because he had a thing to fight for now, he had someone in mind every time he was close to death and needed to fight back. You were the reason for all his doings now, every opinion and thought, you were behind it now. In some people’s opinions, it would be considered as a burden, but to him it was so much different from that.

His whole life, Tech was engineered to never feel anything to do with love or affection. That went for all his brothers as well. He shouldn’t feel this way, but he does and he can’t run from it. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger and he’s never felt so willing to fall at someone’s feet. What would he do if he ever lost you one of these days? Maker knows, Tech certainly didn’t want to know.

A fist slamming against the door of the bunker caused you and Tech to jump out of your skins. Your heart slapped against your rib cage as you tried to steady your breathing, trying to shake off the wave of shock your body was in from the sudden loud noise.

“Hurry up Tech! Times ticking!” It was Crosshair, sounding as irritated as ever. Your shoulders slumped and you looked down sadly as you picked up the stone resting in your lap. Tech held you close as he pressed his lips firmly against yours and cupped your cheek with his free hand.

“We should get going before they burst in” He sighed, standing up from his bed and starting to pack all his things for the journey ahead of him. You helped him back, taking things from his bed and hanging them to him so he could put in properly without damaging anything.

He had so many different gadgets, a mechanic’s wet dream completely. You found yourself staring at each piece of technology for a second longer than necessary and it made Tech smile to see you were so curious about everything he owned. Your hands grazed against each other more than once as you handed him his belongings and eventually ere was nothing else to pass on. Tech zipped up his backpack and stood up, slipping the straps onto his shoulders as he walked over to the bed he left his goggles and helmet on, picking them up before placing them on his head and letting out a hollow sigh.

You followed behind Tech, holding onto the crystal he gave you and hesitantly placing it in your pocket as you approached him. Tech turned around and enveloped you in a tight hug, stroking your hair and wishing he could give you another kiss but the helmet covering his head restricted him from doing so. Even so, you kissed the side of his helmet and earned a soft chuckle from him as he cupped your cheek and stroked it with his thumb.

“Come on!” You both frowned and turned to the door when Wrecker slammed it open, a scowl on his face which was quickly replaced with a shocked expression.

“I’ll be out in a minute” Tech said with a cold, frosty tone, glaring hard at his brother who nodded and closed the door shut once more.

“We should really get going” You sighed, pulling away from Tech and taking his hand as you walked out of the bunker, opening up the bunker door your gaze meeting with Hunter’s who’s arms were crossed and a smile was on his face.

“Come on lovebirds, we ain’t got all day” He smirked, nudging Tech’s shoulder with his own once he was close enough. You chuckled at the brothers behaviour and watched in amusement as Tech shoved Hunter back with a hint of irritation in his eyes, all whilst holding your hand.

You followed the bad batch to their ship, the Havoc Marauder, walking beside Tech and squeezing his hand softly when you finally approached the ramp and let him go. Crosshair, Hunter and Wrecker all boarded the ship after waving to you farewell and Tech was left standing on the stairs.

“I don’t want to leave you here” Tech sighed in disappointment, taking both of your hands and brushing your knuckles with his thumbs. You looked up at him with glassy eyes, your heart practically stuck to him him as he removed his helmet and brought you in for a deep kiss, startling some clones around you who were on duty. You kissed back immediately as a tear flew down your cheek, unable to control your emotions as you pulled away and wiped your eyes. Tech kissed away your tears and calmed you down by whispering sweet nothings in your ear and stroking your hair.

“Everything alright over here?” You jumped and turned to look and see Anakin Skywalker with his arms folded and a raised brow. You and Tech quickly pulled away from one another and you wiped away your tears.

“I guess” You answered, shuffling awkwardly in front of him as he looked between you and Tech with wide and amused eyes. Anakin took a step towards you, leaning into your ear and patting your shoulder.

“You know, if you want to join him it wouldn’t hurt anyone” He whispered, pulling back and sending you a wink before saluting Tech and walking off. You stood in your spot with a surprised expression, your tears of sadness were quickly replaced with a beaming smile as you turned to Tech and looked up.

“I’m coming with you” You beamed.

“You what?!” Tech exclaimed in excitement, screaming at Hunter to refrain from powering up the ship as he watched you run off to collect your things from your mechanic station. Your heart was racing, pumping with adrenaline as you lifted your tools box and collected all your things from the bunker including your clothes and washing products.

You were so quick in returning to Tech, one hand holding your tools box whereas the other held a backpack full of messily dumped clothes. Tech couldn’t be more happy as he looked at you though, taking the toolbox from your grasp and helping you on the Havoc Marauder as Echo and Crosshair came to see what was taking Tech so long, only to realise you were joining them.

2 new members in one day? Hunter liked the sound of it, even though Crosshair had a thing or two to say about it, his comments were brushed to the side and you were graciously assisted by Echo and Tech who helped you unload everything when you arrived.

As you looked back down the ramp, you looked to see Rex, Jesse and Kix all smiling in the distance. You walked down the ramp mid way and saluted them, immediately earning them back from the three clones who all looked sad to see you go. Giving them one last wave, you turned around and took Tech’s hand that was stretched out for you to take.

“Welcome to the crew, mechanic” Tech smiled, kissing your cheek as the ramp closed over and you were with your new family, the people who you really belonged with.

[i-am-ironic]

Kiss the girl

This didn't go the way I was expecting but I still like it. It does get a little spicy but not smut I promise.(im pretty sure this isn't smut because they don't actually do the 'devils tango')Enjoy!

**********

Robin looked over at the girl by his side, her dark hair glistening in the moonlight. He and ladybug had been teamed up to patrol for months. It was a slow night and there hadn't been more then a few petty thieves and a lady who was lost. Ladybug had been training with the batfam for the whole summer and was going to continue for the rest of the year. She didn't want to say too much about her civilian identity but Robin knew she was going to gatham university and that her boyfriend of two years had just broken up with her. He also knew he had a crush on her.

"Robin, you who, are you there?"

"Yeah! sorry," he said blushing "I guess I just spaced out. What did you need?"

"I was just saying I should have brought my sckech book, the sky is beautiful tonight."

"It really is," he said turning back toward the city. The two of them had a wonderful view from the building they were sitting on. The only taller building was Wayne enterprises behind them.

"What have you been drawing recently?" He questioned turning back to ladybug.

"Oh y-you know, this and that. Just things I see a lot." She hummed," I'm working on drawing people more so they look realistic when I'm drawing the outfits."

"Im sure they are beautiful. I've been working on people too I just can't get the face right." He said looking at her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, and finally her mouth. His face felt hot as he looked back at her eyes and noticed they were on his lips. She blushed and looked away.

That was when the humming started. Ladybug didn't have a earpiece so she couldn't hear what his brothers where doing.

Red hood started, "now you see her,"

Red Robin giggled before continuing, "sitting there across the way."

Nightwing caught on pretty quick "she don't got a lot to say but there's something about her."

Red Hood picked up,"and you don't know why but your Dying to try you wanna,"

The three of them harmonized, "Kiss the girl."

"Yes you want her," red Robin sang trying his best Jamaican accent.

"Look at her you know you do," Nightwing continued, "its possible she wants you too,"

Red Hood, a surprisingly good singer, kept it going, "there is one way to ask her, it don't take a word not a single word, go on and,"

All three, "kiss the girl!"

"Enough!" Robin yelled at his brothers. As they were singing he had been getting redder and redder. "Your accents were all terrible, you are a disgrace to this family."

"No that's Mulan."

Robin turned off his ear peace.

"What was that about?" Ladybug asked.

"N-nothing." Damn he was stammering, he wasn't supposed to stammer. He was a Wayne, he didn't get flustered over his brothers teasing him about some girl.

"Really it didn't sound like nothing." She said Concerned. Oh, she couldn't look at him with those big blue eyes and expect him to be able to function normally. That just wasn't fair.

Then it hit him, what if he had the same effect on her that she did on him. He decided to test that theory. He slowly moved his had from his lap over to her hand. When he placed his had on top of hers she whipped her head around to look at their hands. She stared for a moment before turning her hand over and interlocking her fingers with his. She was almost as red as her sute.

She was holding his hand. SHE IS HOLDING MY HAND! Oh what do I do?! She is blushing! Dose this mean she likes me????? Oh no now what???? Am I supposed to kiss her??? STAY CALM WAYNE!! STAY %>^~ING CALM!!!

He was not staying calm, he was in fact panicking. As was Ladybug. They were a mess, but a cute mess. Both bright freaking red holding hands looking over the gatham sky.

Robin looked at Ladybug's face, her blue eyes that shown in the moonlight, her bright pink cheeks that matched her lips. He wondered what it would be like to kiss those lips. Would she taste like the vanilla she always smelled like? Would she smile and run her fingers through his hair? Would she pull him closer then they had ever been before?

He hadn't noticed how close he had gotten to her or that she was leaning closer her mouth slightly open begging him to kiss her.

Then her yo-yo started ringing braking the two of them out of their trance, their faces even brighter red then before. Ladybug pulled her hand from his as her answered the call.

"H-hello.......no he must have turned it off.......ok we will be right there." She looked back at Robin the blush that had disappeared from her cheeks returned full force when she saw him. "T-there is a bank robbery, batman and red Robin need us."

By the time they arrived batman had already taken out the leader and two of the goons. Red Robin was helping the hostages escape, why were people at the bank at 2 in the morning Robin may never know, but he helped his brother and ladybug took out three goons tying them up after.

"Great work team!" Red Robin said over the coms as batman spoke to the police. "There were no casualties, and we got that done in record time."

"Thats great," Robin said sarcastically, "now can we go, we still have to finish patrol." They didn't really need to finish patrol but he wanted to get out of there and continue whatever was happening with ladybug earlier.

Once they were given the all clear the two of them when to Wayne tower to talk.

"So..." ladybug said awkwardly, "um... you almost kissed me?"

Robin blushed, "yes I guess I did.....why did you not want me to?"

"No no I did want you to! I mean I won't mind. I mean um well I-I I've kinda liked you for a really long time and you were holding my hand and I just thought and I shouldn't have assumed and I'm sorry but you were leaning in and...I'm sorry."

He stared at her, she wanted to kiss him. SHE WANTED TO KISS HIM! SHE LIKED HIM!!!! THIS WAS GREAT NEWS!!! wait, she was apologizing? why was she apologizing? Oh, she didn't know he liked her. She was just sitting there not looking at him. He decided to do something impulsive.

He took her chin turned it toward himself and leaned forward giving her plenty of time to pull away if she wanted to. When their lips met it was exactly how he imagined it, he cradled the back of her neck pulling her closer as she ran her fingers through his hair. She pulled away for a moment to swing her legs around him so she was sitting on his lap her ankles crossed behind his back. He put one arm around her waist pulling her even closer to himself. As they continued he moved them to the floor of the roof and lay down pulling her on top of him. His hands running up and down her sides. His mouth moved from her lips to her cheek and then her neck. She groaned at the contact and pulled his hair harder which made him groan. He eventually moved back to her mouth.

When they finally broke apart they were both panting for air. He sat up she was still on top of him.

"So.... I guess you do like me after all." She said smiling at him.

He barked out a laugh. "After that would you have any doubts. So, now what?

"What do you mean?"

"Well is this going to be a one time thing or are we going to try dating? Because it's going to be kind of hard to go in dates with our masks on."

"Well I was sworn to secrecy I am physically unable to tell you my name. But I can give you this," she pulled a bracelet from her yo-yo, "i have one just like it and they are the only ones that look like this in the world, so if you happen to see me with one you can ask me out then."

He grinned, "so all I have to do is find a girl with that bracelet and it will be you?"

"Yep and when you ask me out ill say 'is this about the night on the roof?' And you'll know its me."

"Sounds great."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian was incredibly tired he hadn't been able to sleep because of the kiss. It kept replaying in his mind. But he had a fitting for a suit later so he had to get up. The girl making his sute was named marinette, she had been quite nice the first time they met. She was already in the living room with his brothers and father when he walked in. Everything seemed normal until he noticed the bracelet on her wrist. That means.... oh $#*! This was the same girl he had been making out with last night. Yep there was the hikky he had given her. Just his luck.

****************

I wanted to try to write something more spicy, I think this turned out pretty good to be honest. Anyway I'm going through some writers block and I think this helped. Crap I have to be up in 7 hours and I still have to edit this. Yay.

[jaideite]

Hey!How about bakugo and denki (maybe overhaul???) With an s/o that draws on themselfs all the time? thanks ❤❤

OVERHAUL I SCREAM YES

look at my non creative ass making this using the same excuse 😐 oh well

My first time writing for overhaul and I went a little overboard 00pS probably didn’t write him right but send me feedback if I did 😔👊

lmao I’m probably not doing any of this right pffft— 💀

anyways this is coming out on Christmas so I wanted to let you all know...MERRY CHRISTMAS and for those who don’t celebrate it HAPPY HOLIDAYS :D I love you all and thank you for helping this account grow!! ☺️🥰

BAKUGOU, KAMINARI AND OVERHAUL WITH A S/O WHO DRAWS ON THEMSELVES ALL THE TIME

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

— “Stop drawing on yourself idiot.”

— “Oh my god let me write that on my arm so I won’t forget.”

— he watches while you out of pettiness pull out your crayola markers and start doing some calligraphy on your arm in big warm letters saying “STOP DRAWING ON YOURSELF”

— you decorate it putting them dots all over it and add your hero symbol and smiled at him with “Thank you for the reminder, this is why I like you.” and keep it going

— he always tries to hide your pens and markers

— he would blow them up but he did that once and the ink spilled all over him

— you laughed at him after beating the mess out of him for touching your markers

— “My jiji bought those for me, baka!”

— “Y/N...get off me...your crushing my balls...and let go of my fucking leg—OW!”

— “You crushed my markers you mother—“

— he buys you new markers after patching himself up

— you inspect them with a glare “they aren’t my jiji’s limited edition watercolor markers but they’ll do.”

— he just twitches an eye but keeps it going

— jokes on you she bought them cause your jiji bought them from staples lmaoo

— “When you get sick no one is taking care of your bitch ass.”

— “Oh please my quirk isn’t going to make me sick.”

— “Your what—“

— You explain to him that when you draw on your skin it actually start to move and this is how you can plan out battle moves and he’s just

— “Hah. Lame ass quirk like it’s owner.”

— you know he got his shit rocked for that lmfaoo his stupid ass💀

— he can’t even get irked at you whenever you draw on yourself cause it’s your quirk damnit

— sometimes he likes to draw on you lol

— “Hypocrite.”

— “Shut, the fuck up.”

— you made sure to get your soft bakugou pictures in without him not

— it’s very therapeutic yknow you just sit in a t-shirt while he doodles on you and watches them come to life

— hes actually pretty good at it

— “Yeah shitty lady I’m good at everything.”

— “Apparently not cause if you were you’d be good at shutting the fuck up.”

— “OOP—“

— one time while you were getting ready to hop in the shower you happened to glance down at your calf and see an ‘I love you’ written inside a heart

— of course you took a picture of it

— of course you sent it to him

— of course he denies writing it but you know better

— “That’s not my fucking handwriting.”

DENKI KAMINARI

— look at bakagou i fell in love again UGH

— you guys are so bad omg

— like it’s terrible

— “Babe lets draw dicks on your arm.”

— “Absolutely.”

— “I don’t think I like where this is going.”

— honestly should have been the first warning

— he doesn’t really care about you doing it cause he sticks things into sockets

— you draw on your arm

— potato potato oh well not much y’all can do

— till one day he just gets curious as to why you draw on your arms so much and your just like

— “Kami do you not pay attention?”

— “Huh?”

— “Babe...it’s a part of my quirk.”

— poor pikachu is just 🥴??¿ but you just stare at him and put your quirk into motion

— you think it’s kind of lame but basically your skin is like paper and whatever you draw on it if you wish becomes reality

— he’s still confused until you just draw a detailed apple on your arm in record time and pick it up

— and he watches as it just peels off and becomes real

— and poor boy is shook

— “Here, eat it.”

— and he bites into it and just screams and drops it

— your just like poor apple

— “THATS REAL!”

— “Yep.”

— “Y/N THATS REAL!”

— “I know.”

— “ITS GOOD!”

— “Should have finished it.”

— “Y/N H-HOW—“

— “Kaminari wait—“

— “Y/N I’M WKDKWK—“

— “How the hell did you say that out loud—oh wait shit Kaminari don’t go stupid—“

— after this poor boy is so amazed at you

— “Draw me!”

— “Kaminari I can’t draw living things.”

— he gets so excited over it

— constantly shows off your drawing skills too

— “Look at what Y/N can draw! Isnt it so cool?”

— “Kaminari I love you but please baby stop showing me off.”

— he likes doodling on you lmaoo

— sometimes he draws the weirdest things while other times it’s cheesy pick up lines that you find yourself reading during a lecture

— he tried to make himself AirPods and they came out looking exactly like the drawing he drew

— he cried in the corner like an idiot while you sighed and Yayorozu patted you on the back and handed you a pair

— damn rich kids wksksk

— it isn’t until days later he comes up to you and asks whatever happened to the dicks he drew on your arm

— you just 🥴, pat his head and send him on his way lmfaooo

OVERHAUL

— ugh his name just gives me the shivers I love it

— also this is my first time writing for beak boy so don’t come after me oOP

— y/n are you out of your goddamn mind

— “Absolutely not.”

— “hUh?”

— the first time he catches you he just takes the markers

— he thinks drawing on your skin is a way of you dirtying it and that’s a big no no

— “You are making your skin dirty, and you know how I feel about dirty things.”

— “That’s not what I get when we’re behind the bedroom doors.” you mumble annoyed

— he just shoots you a look but hides them anyways

— you have to be cleaner than Mr. Clean himself you understand?

— and Mr. Clean is very clean there’s a reason why his head is so shiny and his clothes are so white

— so some time passed and you just continue on

— till you’re playing with Eri one day and she has markers and your just like 😶 cause those are your markers

— meaning one of his henchmen gave it to her due to her either being good or not being able to calm her down

— but either way it doesn’t matter because she’s happy and when she sees you her eyes red eyes just shine like rubies

— “Y/N, come draw with me!”

— so happily you give in and you guys are drawing

— until you uncap a marker and smirk

— “Wanna see something cool?”

— and Eri who doesn’t get to see much is absolutely happy with this and agrees immediately

— so you pull off your jacket and start doodling on yourself and as soon as your hand moves away the drawing on your skin practically comes to life

— it runs up your arm and jumps around and dances almost as if it were an animation

— and Eri is just mind blown lmfaooo she’s so curious to how you did it

— and your explain to her that your quirk allows you to animate the drawings on your skin but only on your skin

— it doesn’t matter because she thinks it’s the coolest thing in the world

— so you happily roll your pants up and let her doodle all over your exposed skin and your both having fun watching the animations move

— till Kai walks in on you both and it’s like tires screeching to stop

— at first he sees the markers and then his eyes go from the box to the paper to you laying on the floor with your clothes rolled up and Eri drawing on you

— poor girl is trembling on your leg

— and he’s about to say something when he just stops and watches the deer you drew run across your arm and hop underneath your sleeve

— your just like “oops 😬”

— but he just stares at you with an unreadable expression and just walks out the room and your just 😐 cause your just like “am I in trouble??”

— later when you guys are alone he just pulls up your sleeve and stares at the deer

— and it’s silent as he watches the deer jump and move around like it’s a normal animal

— your scared of what happens next but he just takes his glove off and gently touches where the deer is

— “Kai—“

— “It’s so real...”

— “Uh...yeah...”

— your just silent as his cold fingers brush against the deer until his eyes just move up to you

— “It’s...incredible. Just like you.”

— you turn scarlet at his words and move to pull away but he refuses to let you go, simply admiring the deer in the shadows of your bedroom

— and his touch is absolutely soothing

— so soothing you end up falling asleep looking into his eyes

— later on in the day your doing some cleaning when your sleeve goes up and you see a soft black heart on your shoulder and you smile softly at it

— “I love you too, Kai.”

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 6 - 'Antrum', the most cursed movie in history.

K: Hi this is Dir en grey's Kaoru, and The Freedom of Expression..Joe san, Tasai san..

J: Yep

K: I think the viewers already realise this, but we're shooting four epidodes at once. (note:* the covid episodes were aired at short notice after ep 3*).

J: Yes, four.

T: Our clothes havn't changed.

K: Is our positioning ok like this? Wouldn't it be better with you in the middle, Kaoru?

K: Well, next time we could change seats if we want? But, I havn't seen you two in a long time, I thought it would be better to look at you from over here.

J: Ah, yes. If you are in the middle you have to keep looking from side to side..

K: Yeah, so..we could change seats next time...We might even change our filming location?

J: For sure

K: I don't know though...we can carry on without making too many set plans.

J: I see.

K: He's not coming out today, is he?

J: He's not. Let's leave him alone.

K: Well, shall we get started?... Oh, actually, when we finished recording the last epidode, my boss came here, and said 'that was a lie, thats wrong'.

J: Oh, what was it again? He took offense to something written in a magazine.

T:...and stormed over there.

K: He didn't actually angrily storm over there, he apparently went there, not to tell them to write nice stuff, but to get them to write what his band was really like, and he was fine with it then *1

J: Ahh, to stand out?

K: He was quite agitated. *T laughs*

J: No, but its a bit worrying isn't it? From the listeners point of view, you hear that type of story and interpret it as something amusing, the story gets communicated on in that way.

K: Well, theres no fire without smoke..

J: You mean, theres no smoke without fire.

K: Yeh.. Its because he's just a bit scary *the others laugh*, thats why that type of gossip appears.

J: Of course

K: Right?

T: I see

J: Well, we don't know what he was really like back then...

K: I don't either.

J: But he surely wasn't one of those cuddly, happy people?

K: People in bands were just kinda scary back then, right?

J: They were scary, yeah. But they were also really cool, weren't they?

K: *nods*

J: ..in reality....I think they were.

K: We're (Dir en grey) not scary though, are we?

J, T: Uhh... *K laughs*

J: You are not scary, but...

K: We're not THAT scary right? *laughing*

J: You have an incredible aura..

K: Well, lets leave it..

J: Fow now, lets just say your boss wasn't trying to make excuses..

K: Excuses? *laughs*

J: ..he was just trying to tell us that the stuff we said was not true. Right, well lets introduce today's topic.

' "You watch it, you die", Antrum - The most cursed movie in history.'

'Unbelievablely, its to be released in Japan, this incredible movie is to be screened. Filmed in California, America in 1970, the movie 'Antrum'. Rumored to be excessively scary, and to bring about misfortune to those who watch it, it was said that this movie should not be released, but buried and restricted. However, in 1988, it was screened for the first time in Budapest, Hungary, and during its screening, a fire broke out in the theatre and it burnt to the ground. 56 people died in this incident. Since then, whenever this movie is screened, the people involved have suffered mysterious deaths, one after the other. It became a work of art that no-one wanted to touch. Then, we arrive at the present day. After a long search, documentary movie makers Michael Licini and David Amito discovered the 35mm film reel of 'Antrum'. They have decided to screen it with the warning that viewers must take personal responsibility for anything that happens. The movie will be screened this year in venues across the country from Friday.'

K: Ahh, is it okay?...if this kind of incident occurs?

J: It says, if you watch it you die!

T: Its spooky.

K: Whether it lives up to expectations or not, theres trouble either way.

J,T: Thats right.

J: If people die, they're in trouble, and if people don't die, and they get sued for misrepresentation, they'll be like 'What? Arn't you glad you didn't die?!'

T: I wonder what will happen.

J: They say everyone has to take personal responsibility.

K: Well, I'm slightly interested.

J: Would you go and watch it?

K: Hmm, I want to see it, yeh.

J: You're attracted to it?

K: Um, Horror is...

Kami: Nononono! You must not go to see this, you must not go to see this!

J: Ahh, Kami says you musn't, he's worried suddenly....Its not okay, Kami?

Kami: No no, its not. I was quiet so far because I didn't want to have anything to do with this topic.

J: Oh, with this topic?

Kami: Yeh, its really scary.

J: Is this type of thing not good?

Kami: Its not good. I have to work nights..

J: Ah, night shifts? *the others laugh*

Kami: and I work alone.

J: Yeh.

K: Well, yeh, thats scary.

Kami: They say you'll die, I don't wanna die on my night shift.

J: Yeh, but gods can't die can they?

T: Right.

Kami: Well, outwardly.

J: What does that mean? Outwardly?? *laughing*

Kami: We don't die completely..

J: Oh, but from the human perspective you appear to die?

Kami: Yeah, I appear to die, but then am reborn.  *J, T laugh*

K: He doesn't need to be scared.

T: Pretty interesting.

Kami: No no, the bit where I appear to be dead..its kinda troublsome.

J: Its trouble? You're a bit nervous about that?

Kami: Yeh, im nervous. Its not good.

J: Its not good?

Kami: Yeah, going to see this movie is not good.

J: But, there is a certain attraction by people to these kind of supernatural, occult things isn't there?

K, T: Yeah, yeah.

J: You know, things that science can't prove.

Kami: Yeah, I know about all of it though.

J: You do?

Kami: Yes, I do. Because, god created everything on earth.

T: Well, yeah.

J: I see.

T: So, he shouldn't really be scared of this, should he?

K: Really, that makes this situation here part of the occult too, doesn't it?

J: This is the occult. *T laughs* Us talking to a god..*K laughing*  Talking to a god about movies even!

Kami: Well, there are many types of god aren't there?

J: Ahh, there are many types, yeh.

Kami: Yeh yeh, there are all knowing-all powerful gods...and gods like this one here. *the others laugh*

J: This god isn't very 'all knowing-all powerful'?

Kami: No, im probably in the lower orders.

J: *laughing* Yeh, we know that!

T: He sounds like a salaryman.

J: A hierarchy of gods..

Kami: Well, the middle-lower orders.

J: The middle-lower oders? *laughing*

T: Thats quite low, right? *J laughing*

J: It might just not be limited to recent times, but isn't there quite an occult boom going on now? How do you see it Kaoru?

Kami: An occult boom?

J: An occult boom.

Kami: Well, maybe its because a lot of things have already been solved. As science progresses, we know more...like the Higgs particle, you know it?

J: I've heard the name, but I don't know the details.

Kami: Its kinda like how the source of gravity was discovered. They spin it round really fast and crash it, right?

J: What a simple explanation!

Kami: Its in Switzerland!

T: In Switzerland...

J: They have the equipment to spin it and crash it powerfully, right?

Kami: Yes, yes. Atoms, they crash atoms into one another..and when they crash, the atoms break apart, and various particles have been discovered....and they saw a black hole forming and such. These kinds of mysterious things are really happening. *2.

T: Ehh, Kami, thats impressive.

Kami: So it could be just because of these solved mysteries, peoples' imaginations are swelling and giving them wild ideas?

J: I see.

K: Well, there must be people who like this stuff.

Kami: Wasn't my explanation easy to understand?

J: Yes, it was very well explained.

Kami: Spinning it around and bashing really hard, and then a kind of mysterious feeling...

*everyone laughs*

J: Thst is super easy to understand. Explained in simple terms.

T: Exactly

J: Only by a god..*3

T: Hey Joe, is that okay? *laughs*

J: Kami's awful aspects have transfered to me. *T laughs* The hopless parts. Those parts are showing in me.

Kami: Don't say hopeless!

K *laughs*

J: Oh did you hear that bit?

Kami: I heard it.

J: Of course, Kami hears everything (direct translation: hell ears)

K: This is awful!

Kami: Not hell, heaven.

T: Isn't this fourth time getting tiring?

*laughing*

J: Of course not

T: Actually, ive been to an event before where a spirit appeared.

J: Ehh?

T: When I say spirit, I mean Lincoln. There was a movie about the American president, Lincoln. So I went as a reporter to a weird movie event about it. And there was a medium there who could channel Lincoln so we could ask anything.

J: Wow...so, Lincoln spoke to you in person?

T: The medium started going 'Mmmghh mmmghh' and then 'Ready', so we all thought Lincoln had come to us, and we were told to ask anything, so someone asked 'Mr Lincoln, Mr Lincoln, what did you think of the movie? ..and after about three seconds the medium suddenly dropped down and said, 'Lincoln has left us'.

J: Ehh?! He didn't say anything?!

T: No, Lincoln didn't say anything.

J: Just 'Mmgh, mmgh'?

T: Yeah, and then he fell straight down..and was finished in three seconds. The whole venue had been waiting so eagarly...

J: What kind of article did Tokyo Sports write?

T: About how the venue was....*4

*laughing*

K: That fits well with this show!

J: This kind of chaos. So you were there, Tasai san?

T: Yes, I was reporting on it.

J: Oh really?

T: Yeh, that type of thing happened.

J: I wonder how the medium was after that, after Lincoln left.

T: She's getting paid for nothing.

K: Well, maybe some more accidents happened...

J: Oh yeah, she felt the danger. She didn't research enough before calling him.

T: She should have studied.

J: Maybe she didn't expect that many reporters?

K: Oh, maybe, she thought 'oh no..'

J: Maybe she was shocked to see so many people when she turned up. But the movie company paid her to promote the movie like this right?

T: Yes

J: Ahh, but people will probably go to see this movie right, Kami?

Kami: As for Lincoln coming down, he probably didn't say anything because he planned to speak in English.

J, T: Oh yeah.

K: Maybe

Kami: They forgot how to speak English?

J: I see..he hasn't been called in a long time, so even he forgot how to speak English?

Kami: No no, the medium.

J: Ah, the medium? Ah, I see.

Kami: Even I forget what to say sometimes, as soon as I think about it, and when im listening, you're like 'oh he's gone'

J: Isn't that dementia? Kami, can you speak to dead people like a medium can, can gods do it?

Kami: Gods? There are gods who can do that.

K: But you can't.

J: But you can't? 

Kami: No, I can't do anything *J laughs*

J: We can only pray to you?

Kami: Yes, only pray.

J: I reckon I could be a god then too.

K: Yeh, yeh.

J: Its pretty interesting, no matter what your capacity, you could be a god, right? *laughing*

Kami: No, being a god is not about your capacity...

J: Oh, its not, im wrong?

Kami: Are you making fun of me?

J: No, im not! Im just too naive.

Kami: Being a god is something you're born with.

T: Ahh, its deep.

Kami: Being a god is something you are born with.

K: He just said that.

J: Im kinda imagining him with a smug face right now. *K laughs*

J: I havn't met him so I don't know though.

Kami: Even though I can't do anything, Im different from you guys.

J: Ah, you are born different?

Kami: Yes, yes, yes.

J: You exist differently from regular humans?

Kami: Yes, yes, yes.

J: I see.

K: We're right back to the occult now, aren't we?

J: Yeh, this is almost like a Tokyo Sports kind of issue.

Kami: No, you mustn't doubt the existence of god!

J: Oh, you musn't?

Kami: You mustn't! If you do, and you watch this movie, you will die.

J: We'll die?

T: Scary!

K: I wonder if we'll really die?

Kami: So believe in god!

K: Oh, if you believe in god, you won't die if you watch this movie?

Kami: Yeh, you can increase your shrine donation or something..

J: It ends up with money again *K laughs* He always ends up talking about money.

T: Whats up with him? *K laughing*

J: He doesn't have anything nice to say. Its always down to money in the end. With Ghosn he was the same.

T: He was, yeh *laughing*

Kami: Thats right

J: This has nothing to do with the movie 'Antrum'...

K: So there is a subscribe option on youtube right?

J: Yes, if you subscribe for us...

K: I think I should say 'please subscribe', I havn't said it yet * T laughs*

J: Please subscribe, everyone.

T: Please.

K: If we get more subscribers, we can do more things.

J: Right

Kami: Yes, please subscribe.

J: Subscribers will probably...

*sound cuts out*

On screen message :The sound cut out for some reason. We'll let you know what they said. For now, this episode has ended .

*1 - Not 100% sure I understood this story right.

*2 Translating quantum physics isn't my strong point.

*3 Im fairly sure i've missed some nuance here.

*4 Couldn't catch this.

[teannamon]

Why Do You Think This Would Work? Ch2 [ Taichihaya ]

They should have known that fake dating never goes according to plan.

In which Mashima Taichi doesn't want to be bothered by his mother's prospects anymore and Ayase Chihaya hates her sister's attempts of finding her a boyfriend.

Chapters: 1

------------------

Arata burst out laughing and Taichi is not at all amused.

“Hey if you’re done laughing let me know”

“Sorry Taichi, it’s just... wow,” he let out a small chuckle before talking again “I don’t really know if I’m laughing at Chihaya being oblivious to your advances once again or you being an idiot for not just straight up asking her out”

“I don’t need you to remind me, you’re really annoying when you of all people let me know I’m stupid”

“And a coward too,” Arata added.

“Yes that too, are you happy now?”

“Very” 

Taichi can imagine his amused face right now, all smug and laughing. He can’t blame him though, he has been acting irrational whenever it came to Chihaya. Arata is just letting him know that.

“Dr. Mashima, your patient is here” the nurse assistant called out to him.

“Well, work is calling. Talk to you again soon, Meijin” he teased.

“Yeah, later Doctor,” his Fukui friend teased back.

Taichi pocketed his phone and walked the hallway to his clinic.

--------------------

“Mashima Taichi?!” Chitose asked a bit too loudly and the people in the cafe started giving them looks. A lot of the customers recognized the model from the newest make-up ad and only a few recognized the woman with her as the current Queen of Karuta. Both beautiful women that seem to be in a serious conversation.

“Shhhh” Chihaya gestured to her sister to hush with a finger on her mouth and Chitose leaned back and relaxed.

She was called out by her sister to a cafe after her work at school for something important she says.

“Well, that’s a surprise but I think it makes sense now” Chitose pondered over the years they’ve known each other, how both of them started that karuta club at her school, how they’re both from the same karuta society, how she goes on trips with him for tournaments, how she’s been staying lately at his apartment from time to t-

“Wait! Is that why you’ve been staying at his place for the past few months?!” she stood and pointed an accusatory finger at Chihaya. 

“Ah n-” Chihaya was about to deny it but remembered what she and Taichi talked about this morning.

“If we’re going to do this we need to do this right, ok?” Taichi told her over morning coffee. Last night they just agreed to go with fake dating to get their relatives off their case. Chihaya was sick and tired of her sister so Taichi’s proposal was a breath of fresh air for her.

“Yeps!” she said enthusiastically and Taichi flicked her forehead which caused her to flinch.

“Ow!”

“Listen to me you air headed woman, we need to make sure we won’t get caught in our lies or else it’s all over for our genius plan, according to you”

Chihaya rubbed her forehead and listened intently to Taichi’s plan. She admired his quick thinking and how he always seemed so good at everything he does. Not only that, Taichi always looked out for her and knew how to go along with her every whim.

“And it’s easier for us to corroborate this since you’ve been staying here for a few months already, it’s going to be a convenient excuse for you too since you like staying here so much”

“Or I could just live here you know,” she joked and Taichi almost spat his drink.

“D-don’t even think about it, I wouldn’t let you if you tried” he turned to face the window of the kitchen to hide his flustered face.

“I mean, yeah I guess you caught me there” Chihaya nervously chuckled and her sister looked so deep in thought.

“Hm, Chitose? What is it?”

“Nothing,” the model sighed solemnly“I just feel guilty now for forcing you into those dates with guys you barely even knew”

“Ah, it’s fine” she assured “Taichi and I are just trying to figure things out before we told anyone really”

"Well you could've at least told me so I didn't take you for a complete idiot who didn't know how to get herself in a relationship" she sighed once more.

Just then the waitress brought in their drinks, hot chocolate for Chihaya and a lemon pie for Chitose.

‘Sometimes I keep forgetting you're an adult who's not a total karuta baka anymore’ she thought to herself while watching her sister taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

‘Well Mashima Taichi, I hope you know what you’re getting into’ she gleefully thought when she realized something.

“Oh Chihaya, since it’s been out of the open now do you plan on moving in with him?” she asked, taking a bite of her pie.

Chihaya scalded the tip of her tongue as she flinched in surprise. Taichi didn’t mention what to do when this topic comes up.

‘Quick Chihaya, think, what would Taichi say?’ she asked herself, trying to put herself in Taichi’s shoes. 

“Yes!” was her confident answer.

--------------

NEXT CHAPTER

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yes its all coming together mwahahaha

also this fic is making me all giddy like a teenager again so yeah, fair warning this is a for fun fic thats not all that serious like the anime/manga... its all self-indulgence to my Taichihaya heart hehehe

but let me know what you guys think, I have lots of ideas in store for this story

also also, I couldnt recreate Arata’s beautiful Fukui accent in writing so forgive me for that OTL

Also special thanks to @otaku-shipper @akkalafuru @my-anime-diary for your comments aaaa

[bastardguy]

(haha there's very icky thoughts in this so don't read if it triggers ye, if anyone's reading this lmao) boy! it's one of those nights ain't it haha. ultrasadness. i dont have people to talk to which, yknow i feel like a lot of people don't have others to talk to. but anyways! i am sad! f! the most annoying aspect of myself i dislike is how one moment im daydreaming because hehe escapism and dont wanna talking to people at all then the, next moment im unbearably sad and i wanna! have friends that aren't people from my imagination. it's my fault, yep, its allll my fault, im not even trying to be sarcastic here, i know i should actively seek out people to be friends with them but!! im in my element to run around pretending i made fucking animations for my friend group that also exists! totally! it makes me feel great and content until i realise its not real! god am i pathetic haha! how do i improve ? how? why am i like this? is it because my brain views my escapism as safer and more wondrous then reality? to the po in t talking to people just? bore me? it's weird as hell, im probably just a selfish git but i genuinely look at chats and either go "conversation going,, i no want join cause rude" or "there's no point they're all so boring. being alive is boring. your life, your personality, you as a person is boring. that's why he left. he left for someone else he already had plans with, someone who he can actually see regularly in person in the future, someone who makes him happy. you never made him happy. he was miserable being stuck with you, that's why he left, that's why he immediately got into another relationship with someone else. you're why he lied to you, you're the problem, he hates you, you were an abusive fuck who couldn't keep his mouth shut and never changed. he's going to spend years being happy with someone and he's glad he's left you. he hates you. he hates you. he hates you. he hates you. you're the problem. don't ever try again, you don't have thr privlage to die, not yet. wait until everyone's finally tired of your manuplitive, selfish shit then kill yourself. die. just fucking die. just die. no one will stay loving you, you'll be forgotten, why did you say so much? you're fucking obsessive and its all your fault. you existing in the first place was a mistake, when have you ever brought joy to people? when had anyone be glad that you're here? you're better off dead, you're better off dead. you know if she had the choice mother would pick a normal person as a child in a heartbeat. you know if she knew you were going to turn out this way she would have fucking killed you herself because you've been nothing a burden. she'll leave, just like he left and everyone else did. so what if you just followed along with everything they were saying? you should've been smart enough not to be a dick you asshole. anyone that comes into your life will leave, everyone will leave, everyone is going to leave. even thinking about this you're cementing it, it's going to happen because you're thinking so hard about it. all bad things happen to you because you think about them. it's your fault. every bad thing that happens is your fault, you deserve all the slander that will come to you, you will die alone. you will die alone. no one will miss you, you've had a sad pathetic lonely life being unwanted. and it's all your fault. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. suffer. you ungrateful, selfish bastard-" and its very unpog i dont like my brain.

i wish i could find life enjoyable again, i wish i liked talking to multiple people, i wish i had multiple people to talk to. i wish i, didn't have these fucking attachment and abandonment issues that just make me terrified of being close with someone again. i think i have rejection sensitive dysphoria and oh! boy! MM. an internal conflict of "do i have adhd or is it just my anxiety and life long loneliness" had been going on in my brain. because if i had adhd i think thatd explain, a lot actually uYubun, but also those symptoms could stem from uhh, childhood issues and stuff pfft. like id be socially withdrawn and daydream a lot, to the point where i avoided playing with other kids just so i could walk around the yard to think about stuff, which are symptoms of adhd but also it's because "brain got lowkey traumatised being neglected on a plane for so long as a baby without its mother then just got whipped around the country serveral times giving me 0 safe secure places." i, i don't know man. that's a lot i have to talk with my therapist in like half an hour haha.

wow i talk about my problems too much this is why he left me 😩

a ok uhm, uh, yea! im very lonely haha. there's like, a person who i could chat with but i dont want to bother them. they're a good friend but they've been busy and i feel like im highkey using them. which is not pog at all! im not fun to talk with and im very annoying hahaha!

why are people so untrustworthy. why am i sad? only god knows but im god, so god doesn't know.

i think me despretly trying to talk to someone while im sad is so, utterly selfish and pathetic. i mean come on man why only now? haha.

i mean i did start to emulate a lot of his bad behaviour but! it's ok i know what's bad to do know and ive learnt from this experience and am moving forward.

where does forward lead? i dont know! probably jobless and suicide but hahaha! im not gonna make it past 25 baby! im gonna fall in love with someone then they'll leave forever and ill die!! After my mum gets sick of me!! hahhaha!!!!! im not unstable right now, i don't even wanna die! that'd be so selfish id break my parents! haha! i want someone to love me as much as i love them and to hold them in my arms! i wanna be comfortable with someone! i wanna be held! i want someone who won't cheat on me!! i wanna be loved!! woohooo!!! that's all i want! yknow what else i want? a friend group thats genuinely happy to see me! people i can eat lunch with and laugh with! people that don't make me feel small and pathetic! and why can't i have that? because im a piece of filth that doenst deserve any of it because ive done nothing to earn it! how the fuck do i do stuff! to talk! how do i not feel hopeless and small all the time? no matter what i fucking say im going to be yelled at for not being positive! fuck! fuck. fuck you.

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[zoeygreensimblr]

Sad, Beautiful, Tragic (Episode 38)

"Before we go shopping today I want to make a stop at Forgotten Hollow, there's some people I want you to met" Angus tells me as we are leaving the apartment. I feel all my insecurities and social anxieties come bubbling up inside me.

"I'm not good at meeting new people" I fret to Angus.

"You'll be good with these people Zoey, they will love you as much as I do, it's the first time I've introduced them to a girlfriend too so it's kind of a big thing for me" He tells me.

Angus drives out of the city to Forgotten Hollow, pulling up out the front of the cemetery, I look at him confused but he doesn't say a word, he just gets out of the car and walks around to open my door, I climb out of the car and he takes my hand.

The cemetery is quiet, there's only us and another man visiting the graves. Angus leads us down the back of cemetery and stops in front of two graves, I read the names on the headstones and it becomes clear to me who I am meeting today, I let go of his hand and wrap my arms around him.

"Hey Mum and Dad, I want you to meet Zoey, the girl I've been telling you about, she's the sweetest girl I've ever met, she's become such a big part of my life, she calms me down when I get worked up and she always knows how to make me smile. You would love her too, she's like a beautiful ray of sunshine." Angus tells his parents as he sits down at the foot of the graves, knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs. I sit myself on the grass beside him and put my arms around his waist.

"Hi Mr and Mrs McKenzie, it's an honour to meet you, you should be so proud of your son, he's become such an outstanding man and he treats me like a princess too. I love him more and more everyday. I know you are watching over him, Imogen too and I promise to take care of him for you" I vow to them, tears welling in my eyes.

"My Mum use to grow strawberries in our backyard when we lived in Newcrest, she would go out every morning to the garden and pick them from the vine and we would share them together for breakfast" Angus tells me, that's why he loves strawberries, they remind him of his mother.

"Tell me about your Dad, what special memory you have of him" I ask him, holding him tightly

"My Dad would take me to every Llamas game of the season, we would sit in the cheap seats together, he would drink a beer and he would buy me sugary snacks and we had the best days, even when the Llamas lost he would still make me feel like we had won, He was the best Dad and my Mum was such a sweet, beautiful soul and I miss them everyday Zoey" He breakdown in tears.

"Thank you for introducing me to your parents Angus, it means a lot to me that you did, they would be really proud of you baby" I say and he gives me a small smile.

"They would love you  Zoey. They would see in you what Imogen and I see, that you are the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with" He tells me, leaning in and kissing me softly.

"I'm going to go for a walk so you talk to your parents privately, I'm sure there's more you need to catch them up on." I tell him, hugging him tightly before I stand up

"Thank you Princess" He says to me.

I take a stroll through the graves, looking at the names and dates that they were born and when they died, it makes me saddest when I come across ones with short dates and the ones with sweet messages on tombstones. Angus comes and finds me 20 minutes later.

"Ready to go shopping Princess?" He asks me, I can see his eyes are red from crying but he feels better after talking to his parents

"Yes baby, do you want me to drive?" I offer, not because I want to but because I feel he needs me to, he hands me his keys and we walk hand in hand to his car. I don't want to ask him about his talk with his parents, if he wants to bring it up on his own he can but I won't push him.

I drive us to the Magnolia Promenade, pulling in to the furniture precinct. We look at the bedding place first because Angus believes it's the most important piece of furniture we will ever own. We lie on soft beds, hard beds, ones with different levels of firmness for each side.

"Do you like it hard or soft baby" Angus asks me, flashing that cheeky smile.

"I like it firm" I tell him and he sets out to find me the best firm mattress.

"Zo, come lay on this one" Angus calls out to me from across the store. I stretch myself out on the mattress he has found, it's firm but not too firm, it feels perfect, Angus lays down next to me, "What do you think Zoey?" He asks me

"Yep, this is the one for us" I confirm.

"Can I help you?" A snotty sales person asks us rudely.

"We are thinking we may take two of these mattresses and two timber bed frames" Angus tells her and she stares at us like we are germs she needs to clean away.

"The cheaper bedding is down the front, it may be more suited to your price range children" She says as if we are wasting her time.

"Pretty sure I said I'd take two of these and two timber bed frames." Angus tells her firmly

"Do you even realise how much these are?" Sales lady questions him, I look at the price tag behind me and am glad I'm laying down, it's more than what I'd make at The Cupcake Factory in a decade and he wants to buy two of them.

"Can I see your manager?" Angus asks snotty lady and she runs away but returns with a tall, older man who I assume is the manager, snotty lady smirking like she's won and he will kick us out of the store.

"What seems to be the problem sir" The manager asks Angus

"I want to buy two of these mattresses and two timber bed frames, I've asked your sales assistant here repeatedly and she insists on insulting me by implying I can not afford what I want. Does your employee often talk potential customers out of sales and insult them?" Angus asks, to his credit he is staying calm

"I'll put the sale through for you sir" The manager tells us, giving his employee a look of disgust

"Thank you, it's nice to see someone has good customer service skill in this place" Angus says, paying for our order and we watch the snotty sales lady's face drop, she knows she's in trouble with her manager, that's what she gets for being rude.

"Your order will be ready in about 3 weeks, I hope that's ok sir" The manager says as he hands Angus the receipt

"Awesome, thank you" Angus says, shaking his hand before adding, "You may need to retrain your staff member so she doesn't talk down to more of your customers"

We visited 5 more stores that day and placed orders for two lounges, bookcases and a dinning table with chairs.

"I have some money saved up from working, it's not a lot but I'd like buy some towels and bedding" I tell Angus as we are driving home.

"Save your money Princess, I've got it covered" He assures me

"Please" I beg him and he looks at me with the big, beautiful smile.

"Ok, you can get towels and bedding" He tells me, placing his hand on my leg as he drives us back into the city. We arrive back there mid afternoon, tired from a day of shopping. Imogen is in their lounge room, watching a movie alone, she jumps up when she sees us come up the stairs.

"I've been waiting for you, I have some big news to share" She tells us, throwing her arms around Angus and then me.

"We have news too" Angus says smiling

"You go first Gus" Imogen says as we take a seat on the lounge next to her

"I bought the house in Brindlton Bay" He tells her and she kisses him on the cheek

"That's awesome news, I'm so proud of you Gus, Mum and Dad would be too" She praises him, big smile on her face

"We move in in 4 weeks" Gus tells her

"I thought you said 6" I ask him

"I thought it would be 6 too but they wanted 4 so I agreed to it and forgot to tell you, sorry Princess" He apologises, kissing my hand, "What's your news big sis" He asks Imogen.

"Well it came as a bit of a surprise, so much so that I was in denial for about 2 weeks but I had it confirmed officially yesterday, Justin and I are pregnant" She announces to us and Angus wraps his arms around his sister.

"That's awesome news, I'm going to be an uncle" He cheers

"Uncle Gus" Imogen confirms

"Uncle Angus" He corrects her, "Calling me Gus stops at you, I don't want it being passed down to your children" He laughs

"And Aunty Zoey" Imogen says warmly to me, I feel like I'm really part of their little family

"Congratulations Imogen" I tell her, standing up to hug her.

"Thank you Zoey and who knows, maybe he or she might be blessed with a cousin around the same age" She jokes, knowing it will stir Angus up.

"Justin has siblings who have kids, yours already have plenty of cousins to play with" Angus tells her firmly

"Oh Gus you never know" She laughs and he looks at me with that worried expression, I place my hand on his shoulder to reassure him that that's a long way off.

"We saw Brian last night" He tells Imogen, in an attempt to change the subject

"Now there's a name I haven't heard for many years, How is he?" Imogen asks and I'm actually surprised that she doesn't show more anger towards Brian

"I didn't talk to the piece of shit" Angus scoffs

"You should, you two were best friends, it's a shame you can't get passed what happened and work it out. His family was a big help to me after Mum and Dad died, I'm sure Brian misses you too" She attempts to reason with him

"He slept with my girlfriend" Angus exclaims

"She treated you like shit Gus, if anything he did you a favour" She states

"I could never trust him again, not around Zoey" Angus shouts

"You can trust Zoey though" Imogen points out and I watch as he starts to soften

"I can trust you Zo, I know that, I know you wouldn't cheat on me" He tells me and I kiss his cheek

"I wouldn't do anything to lose you, it would hurt me too much" I confirm to Angus

"So I think you can build that bridge with Brian" Imogen tells him

"You're so pushy" Angus laughs, "I think he has a thing for Tess, he was chatting her up at The Stargazer last night"

"Well thats good, you two can double date" Imogen suggests and Angus screws his nose up at the thought of having to be around Brian for a night.

"Tess has just broken up with Declan, I doubt she's looking for her next victim yet" I reassure him.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that Zoey" Angus says smiling as if he knows something I don't.

"Why's that?" I question him

"I received a text from Annabelle this morning, apparently your sister went home with Brian last night" He laughs and I'm floored, I know Tess, she wouldn't just go home with a guy but then again, she had a boyfriend for 4 years.

"Im sure he just drove her back to my place" I defend my sister in her absence

"Maybe Annabelle got it wrong" Angus says.

Tess would of texted me if she had gone home with Brian, I'm sure of it.

[donnarider]

!!DISCONTINUED!!  Klance - soulmate au (part 4)

Author’s notes:

update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued. There will not be a next part. I’m really sorry.

Read part 1

Read part 2

Read part 3

“Bold” texts are from Keith, “italic” texts are from Lance

„Wow, that’s… rough?“

„Yes it is! I mean… I meant what I said. I just thought he would...”

“Say that he wants to be more than friends?”

“Yeah…” Lance put his head on the table they were studying at. The library was quiet and Lance had a hard time keeping his voice down while telling Hunk about his horrible not-date date.

“So how did the rest of the da…what happened after that?”

“Well, I was dying on the inside and pretended everything was fine on the outside. So, the usual.”

“Lance!”

Lance sighed and leaned back on his chair. The library’s ceiling suddenly seemed very fascinating to him. “We talked about stuff like favourite movies and such. I asked him about his bike. I had to leave for my seminar and he said he’d text me.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” Hunk decided and squeezed Lance’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe he just needs some time?”

“And what do I do if he doesn’t? I thought I’d be fine with being just friends but-,” he waved his hands around in a helpless motion. “I was basically doomed when he told me to be nice to my coffee in Spanish. I can’t just NOT crush on him now, you know. And that sucks… big time.”

Hunk smiled sympathetically at him and continued to flip through the book in front of him. “Just take it slow. Take a break for a few days and then invite him to do something and see what it feels like then. He’ll either change his mind or you could just bring me and Pidge along to make the friends thing easier. Maybe that’ll help?”

“Hmm. Yeah, maybe.”

Hunk closed his book and got up. “You up for visiting Pidge and Matt? I don’t think we’re gonna get anything done here right now. Also I think Matt finally got that video game you wanted to play so badly.”

“Nooo, Hunk. You wanted to study. I didn’t mean to distract you, I’m just gonna-“

“It’s fine, Lance. I can’t concentrate anyways. And you helped me so much with my last essay, I think I can go a day without studying.”

Lance smiled at him and got to his feet as well. “Okay. But I swear I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and then we’re gonna take a look at the stuff from Iverson’s physics lecture.” Hunk groaned loudly and made Lance laugh with his desperate expression. “I know, I know. But we both have to get better at that stuff.” He stood behind Hunk and made a gesture over his shoulder like he wanted to show Hunk a beautiful landscape.

“NASA, dude. NASA.”

“Ugh, you’re right. But Matt and Pidge now. My brain needs a break.”

Lance swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe I get one of Pidge’s hugs. I love Pidge’s hugs.”

Hunk beside him nodded. “Everyone does, man. They’re the best.”

Wednesday

 (3:15am): WTF DUDE? ???

(3:17am): I KNOW SORRY! Its our stupid neighbors having a party…

(3:18am): AT T HIS HOU R???

(3:18am): pls kill them for me

(3:20am): I would but prison isnt as appealing to me as you might think

(3:21am): So ur bad boy attitude knows boundaries? ;)

(3:22am): Dont mock me Im too tired for this

(3:24am): Yeh I can feel that

(3:24am): u really dont deal well without ur beauty sleep

(3:25am): Sorry :( And no, I really dont

 (3:31am): KEEEEEEITHH do smth!!!!

(3:32am): I have a test tomorrow !!

(3:34am): OM G IT STOPPED

(3:35am): Keith?

(3:35am): did u kill them?

(3:36am): maybe

(3:36am): KE ITH!

(3:37am): I slipped an anonymous note under their door that I would kill their cat if they didnt turn off the music immediately…

(3:38am): O M G thats cruel

(3:38am): u dont threaten peoples pets

(3:38am): NOT COOL!

(3:39am): chill, I was joking. It said Id call the cops on them

(3:40am): Oh okay good hope ur not just saying that

(3:40am): Also thankk

(3:41am): no problem. Good night, Lance

(3:43am): Lance?

 (7:36am): SORRY FELL ASLEEP!

(7:37am): Have fun at work today :)

Friday

(4:12pm): why

(4:25pm): what? u dont like it? ;)

(4:28pm): no

(4:29pm): oh come on! The queen is my best study motivation!

(4:30pm): please just stop

(4:32pm): KEITH! YOU INSULT BEYONCÉ YOU INSULT ME

(4:33pm): Can’t you study to something normal

(4:35pm): Normal normal or you normal?

(4:36pm): I dont care. Just no more beyoncé please. It’s been hours

(4:39pm): Lance?

 (4:42pm): really?

(4:42pm): Evanescence? That’s mature…

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIDE

(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE

(4:45pm): I hate you

(4:46pm): No u dont :)

(4:47pm): STOP THIS MADNESS!

(4:48pm): Hunk says if you come to a college thing with us tomorrow, he’ll stop me for you

(4:50pm): What kind of thing?

(4:51pm): dunno, Hunk wont say, but its really good apparently

(4:53pm): OKAY DEAL NOW PLEASE STOP

(4:54pm): Party-pooper

(4:56pm): Tell Hunk I love him

Keith got off his bike, took off his helmet and unzipped his leather jacket. He headed towards the university building with mixed feelings about what awaited him. He had fought with himself about coming today but eventually the curious side of him had won. Keith wanted to see what Hunk had planned for them and also even if it scared him to admit it…he missed Lance.

Logically he knew that it did not make any sense. They hardly knew each other. But emotionally he just… missed him. He sighed and blinked against the bright sunlight. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes against it and bumped into someone.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“Don’t sweat it. All good here.” A friendly voice interrupted him. The tall boy in front of him looked him over and tilted his head to the side. „Hey, are you Keith by any chance?”

Keith nodded. “The one and only.”

“Oh, great! I’m Hunk.“ Keith took the big hand he was offered and returned the welcoming smile. When Hunk gestured for them to move out of the sun and stand in the tall building’s shadow Keith followed him thankfully.

“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me yesterday by the way.”

“Oh, no problem. Lance can get like that sometimes when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know… finals and all. He’s a bit on edge around this time of the year.”

“No, I get it. NASA is a big thing, who wouldn’t freak out, right?”

Hunk gave a nervous laugh. “Yah, I guess. So umm, Lance had to pick up our friend Pidge, they should be here-“

“Exactly now.” Lance’s voice interrupted them. He stopped next to Hunk and let Pidge whom he had been carrying just now slip off his back.

“Hey, Keith. This is Pidge. They use they pronouns. I guess you already know Hunk by now.” Lance smiled at him and clapped Hunk on the back.

Keith nodded and raised his hand in greeting at Pidge. Immediately he regretted the awkward gesture and lowered his hand quickly.

“What’s up butter cup.” Pidge replied with a grin completely ignoring Keith’s weird behavior, who in return just raised an eyebrow at their choice of words.

“Lance, why did you carry Pidge here? Did you take ‘pick them up’ literally again?” Hunk asked with his hands on his hips.

“They paid me two dollars.”

Pidge shrugged. “I didn’t want to walk. It’s too early.”

“It’s almost noon, Pidge.” Hunk said while shaking his head but there was a visible smile on his lips.

“Exactly. Way too early.”

“I feel you, Pidge.” Keith threw in. “I had three coffees before I got here.”

Pidge yawned and stretched their arms over their head. “Good thinking. I only had one and I feel dead inside.”

“So, Hunk. What is this thing? Why are we here?” Lance asked and absently patted Pidge’s head while they leaned against him, eyes closed and repeatedly yawning.

“We are here, because today…” Hunk made a dramatic pause, “They are having a lecture about space for family and friends of students and-“

“AHHH STAR CEILING?” Lance interrupted Hunk excited while bouncing up and down, Hunk just smiled and nodded.

“Yep, Star ceiling.”

“What exactly is star ceiling?” Keith asked confused. Judging from Lance’s reaction this had to be the best thing in the entire universe.

“It’s only the best thing ever, dude,” Lance started to explain while taking Keith’s arm and pulling him in the direction of a big building.

“They only do this once or twice a year when they have family day for the freshmen and around finals for the really stressed out students so they don’t go all homicidal and stuff.” They entered the lecture hall and Lance directed them to a row in the back. “It’s basically just a short lecture about space and planets and what we do here at college but at the end they turn off the lights and project stars on the ceiling and walls. Dude…it’s the most beautiful thing ever. It will change you!” He gestured for Keith to sit down in one of the empty seats and sat next to him.

Hunk took the seat on Keith’s other side and Pidge sat next to Lance. It seemed like they were just in time because a man holding a mic entered the small stage. From the corner of his eyes Keith saw Pidge leaning over to Lance and whispering something into his ear. A moment later Lance bent forward so that Hunk and Keith could both hear him.

“Sorry guys, we’re gonna get Pidge more coffee. They are literally about to murder someone. We’ll be back in a minute.” With that they both left the room and Keith was alone with Hunk, which he didn’t mind that much. They had only exchanged a few sentences but Keith already liked the guy.

The man on the stage started talking about the importance of astronomy and explained the different subjects they were teaching. Unfortunately he had a really boring and monotone voice and Keith immediately zoned out. Thank God Hunk was there to keep him entertained.

“I know this stuff isn’t really interesting, especially not when he’s talking,” Hunk pointed in the direction of the stage. “But it’s really worth it. Lance didn’t exaggerate…well maybe a little… but it actually is crazy beautiful.”

“So you three all study astronomy?” Keith asked. This was his opportunity to learn a bit more about Lance and his friends without this nervous feeling he got around his soulmate. Hunk somehow managed to create an atmosphere around him that immediately made Keith feel comfortable.

“Yeah. It was actually Lance who got me into this stuff when we were younger. We met Pidge here on our first day. They are this crazy genius and got into college early. They are only sixteen but way ahead of most of the students here. Turned out they and their brother Matt live in the same building as me and Lance so we hung with them a couple of times and now we’re all basically besties for life.”

“Space nerds unite,” Keith said with a smile.

“Haha, yeah. Basically.”

“So… do you and Pidge wanna get into NASA too or is that only Lance?” Keith checked the stage for a second but the guy was still talking about boring stuff and Keith noticed that a few other people in the audience had started quiet conversations.

“Well Pidge is as good as in, let’s be real. Me… well. Of course NASA is the dream for almost everyone at this university and I would be thrilled… but I’m not as set as Lance if that makes sense. I feel like I could work anywhere as long as I’m close to my friends.” Hunk shrugged and knitted his brows in deep thought before he cleared his throat.

“Lance is working really hard for it though. You have no idea how many scholarships he had to apply for before he finally got a foot in. Didn’t stop him though.” He smiled and Keith could feel how proud he was of his friend. “You know, the first year was rough. He failed an important test two times and was sure they were gonna kick his ass but he studied harder than all of us and now he’s always in the top 5.”

“Wow. That’s really impressive,” Keith heard himself say and immediately wanted to slap himself. Way to sound like a high school fangirl, Kogane. Can we please think before we speak, brain?!

“Yeah it is.” Hunk sighed, unfazed by Keith’s inner distress. “It’s also really hard to watch sometimes though…”

Keith raised an eyebrow at him.

“Not the part where he’s top of the class, no. I mean how he gets there. You can’t imagine how many all-nighters the boy pulls during finals and he always pushes himself to get better. I mean it’s great that he’s improving but sometimes I wish he would allow himself a break.” He stiffened and gave a quick laugh. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I. Sorry, this must be a weird first impression.”

Keith didn’t say anything for a while and chewed on his lower lip. “Is it really that bad? I mean… I haven’t noticed anything and finals are just around the corner right?” He thought back to the few times he’d seen Lance. He had always looked cheery and well… relaxed.

Hunk seemed to be pondering over his answer for a while. That’s when they heard the door behind them open slowly and Lance and Pidge slipped back into the room, Pidge holding a coffee cup in each hand. Hunk leaned over a bit and whispered just before the other two sat down. “Look at his eyes, he thinks we don’t notice…”

Keith had no idea what he meant by that and was staring at a spot on the floor absently when Lance waved his hand in front of his face to get him out of his trance. “Keith, buddy, my man. They’re about to start, don’t pass out on me now!”

Keith blushed a little and sat up straighter. “Yeah, sorry. Not passing out. Now, let’s see your space magic thing. Hope it’s as good as you made it sound.”

The boy next to him grinned from ear to ear. “Better.”

The crowd around them applauded loudly. Apparently the speech part was over and somebody dimmed the lights, making everyone go silent. It was now completely dark in the hall. Keith could feel his palms getting sweaty. Why was this taking so long? He swallowed hard.

He whispered, almost inaudible “Lance?” but in this exact moment they turned on the projectors and surprised ahhhhs and ohhhs could be heard through the entire room.

Keith threw his head back so quickly he almost hit it on his seat’s backrest.

Lance’s words hadn’t prepared him for what he was seeing now at all. It was truly just… beautiful. Thousands of little stars were dancing on the ceiling and the floor and just everywhere. He knew he was sitting in a boring lecture hall and he felt incredibly stupid for even thinking so but for a moment he really felt like he was in space. His heartbeat sped up and his eyes wander around the entire room so quickly he was almost getting sick.

Keith was trying to take it all in before it stopped. The stars danced around his fingertips as he raised his hand in front of his face and watched. He wasn’t even questioning how the whole thing worked it was just too… too everything. In a good way.

“Sooo, did I promise too much?” Lance suddenly whispered next to his ear.

Keith just shook his head and then turned it to smile at him. “No, you didn’t. This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this.” Lance smiled at him and then quickly turned his head to the ceiling again. Neither of them mentioned that it had actually been Hunk who invited Keith.

Keith was still staring at Lance’s face from the corner of his eyes, watching the stars being projected onto his skin and their reflections in his eyes. He looked so beautiful like this, it made Keith’s head spin. He wanted to say something, to tell Lance how pretty he was but he bit his tongue instead. Just friends he reminded himself.

That’s when he remembered Hunk’s words from earlier and looked at Lance’s eyes more closely. What was he supposed to see? The long eyelashes? The small freckles underneath them? The well blended but thick layer of… concealer? Something clicked in his brain. Hunk had mentioned that Lance wasn’t sleeping enough and pushing too hard. Of course he and many others were unable to tell if they didn’t know what to look for. Lance had covered up his dark circles almost perfectly. Almost… Keith turned his gaze to the ceiling again and frowned. Why was he pretending to be fine? It was normal to be tired around finals wasn’t it? Why was he trying to hide it?

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we have to end this now since our time is up,” a voice sounded from the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your day on campus.” They turned off the projectors and disappointment could be heard all around. Some classical song started to play and people started to shift but the lights were still out. Keith dug his nails into his palm and tried to breathe evenly. It’s fine, he tried to tell himself. They’re gonna turn them back on every second. Only they didn’t.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we’re having some trouble back here. We’re sure everything will be fixed soon,” the voice echoed again. “Always a bit hard to find the light switch in the dark.” The voice said and gave a fake laugh. Some parents laughed as well. Keith didn’t. He gulped and pressed deeper into his seat.

He could feel Lance stir in the dark next to him and a hand touching his shoulder. “Keith? Are you okay?” Before Keith could even think of something to respond with the lights were finally turned back on. Keith let out a very deep breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. He quickly unclenched his hands and turned his head to give Lance a small smile.

“All good, yes. I’m a bit sad it was over so quickly though.”

Lance looked at him questioningly for a second longer before he returned the smile. “Right? I wish they would do this more often!”

The group got up and headed out before the mass of people in the hall could block the aisles. The bright sunlight blinded Keith for a moment when they walked outside and he held up his helmet to shield his eyes. Someone walked into him from behind and he quickly turned around to apologize for stopping in the doorway but it was Lance he was looking at. An elderly woman complained about them being in her way and they stepped aside and walked a few feet to get away from the mass.

“Sorry for bumping into you,” Lance started, “It’s just,” he pointed at the helmet in Keith’s hand. “I didn’t notice before because I was so excited about the star thing but… did you bring your bike?” Hunk listened to their conversation and laughed looking at Lance now. Keith didn’t exactly understand what he thought was so funny and turned to Pidge for help but they were just quietly smiling at the whole scene.

“Ummm, yes? It’s how I got here. I don’t have a car, soo…” Keith shrugged a little lost.

“Awesome! I mean great. I mean...,” Lance scratched his head. “Can I see it?”

“Uhh, sure. I parked right over there.” Keith pointed over his shoulder. Lance didn’t even wait for the others. He was already on his way to the parking lot, almost running. When the others caught up with him he was inspecting Keith’s bike and admiring the details of the machine by almost touching it with his nose.

Hunk and Pidge seemed kind of impressed too and Hunk slapped Keith’s shoulder. “Sweet ride, Keith!” He joined Lance in walking around the bike to get a better look. “Lance mentioned you work at a workshop. Did you build this yourself?”

Keith nodded and then realised that Hunk wasn’t looking at him so he couldn’t see. “Yah, I did. It was the first project I did without Shiro’s help. Took me a while to find all the parts. I could get a better bike if I wanted but I’m kind of sentimental I guess.”

Lance nodded. “No I get it. It’s a bit like it’s your child, right? I mean… you made her.”

Keith smiled. “Yeah. I guess.”

Pidge gave a fake cough to get everyone’s attention and pointed at the bike. “If you’re finished drooling over that can we go get some food please?”

“That?” Keith repeated in a fake hurt tone.

“They’re secretly loving this more than Lance and me. You should see the stuff they build. We should visit you at your shop and just leave Pidge there for a few hours. They’d have the time of their life.” Hunk chuckled at the expression on Pidge’s face after his revelation.

 “Speaking of food though,” Lance looked at Keith and tilted his head, “We thought about grabbing a bite at Planet Altea. You in?”

Keith considered for a moment. He could spend some more time with them and get to know them better. He probably should. Shiro would tell him to… but he also really wanted to go home. The light incident had seriously freaked him out even if he didn’t want to show it. He’d rather calm down at home, alone, where he could stop pretending and no one would see what a mess he really was after such a small thing.

“Sorry, I need to leave. Shiro wants to visit an old friend of his and he’s dragging me along.” Lie. Shiro never dragged him anywhere Keith didn’t want to go. Apart of from that Shiro wasn’t even home right now.

Lance chewed his lower lip. “Ohh. Okay. We’ll text then?” The disappointed look on his face made Keith feel bad instantly.

“Yes definitely. It was really great. Thank you all for taking me.” Let me leave let me go.

Pidge and Hunk said goodbye and they watched Keith take off quickly. Lance waved one last time before he was out of sight, but Keith didn’t turn around to see it.

 Usually driving calmed him down but he felt himself get more anxious with every mile. He was glad he could finally take off the helmet when he arrived at his and Shiro’s place because he could breathe more freely instantly. He put the bike in the garage, unlocked the front door and took the elevator up to their floor. After hastily unlocking the front door and locking it after himself again, he immediately kicked off his boots and headed for his bedroom.  

He’d learned a few breathing techniques during his never ending counseling sessions and was really glad about that right now. After some minutes of leaning against his door he got his breathing under control. His thoughts however where still spinning, so he put his favourite playlist on shuffle and flopped down on his bed.

After a couple of songs Keith took out his phone to ask Shiro when he would be home and noticed he had gotten a few messages.

 (2:17pm): Hey, u ok?

(2:18pm): Getting kind of an anxious vibe over here?!

(2:20): Also thats an awful lot of emo music for someone who insists hes not emo ;)

 Shit. Sometimes he forgot the soulmate connection was a thing.

 (2:33pm): Sorry! Yes I’m good

There was an immediate response.

(2:33pm): U sure? Doesnt feel like it

(2:35pm): Idk

(2:36pm): Maybe not

(2:36pm): do you wanna talk? I can call u

Keith’s whole body tensed. Was he ready for that? Should he lie, maybe say he was tired and wanted to nap or something? Should he tell the truth? He frowned.

(2:37pm): I’m not… good at phone calls

(2:37pm): Np u can just listen and I’ll do the talkin

(2:39pm): that’d be ok?

Keith swallowed. Shiro probably wouldn’t be home for a while and he really needed to talk to someone. The question was if Lance was safe to talk to? Would it overstep the friendship line? Why could things never be easy…

 (2:42pm): yes, ok

 [Incoming call: Lance McClain]

More author’s notes:

This fic on AO3

Yeah after 500 years I finally updated. I could explain at length why it took my so long but it comes down to this: I was stressed, I was depressed, I’m sorry but now it’s finally here! Hooray!

As always a big THANK YOU to @alteanmoonchild for being my beta and for reading every new draft and honestly telling me when what I wrote isn’t good so I can improve and grow. I love us working together on this <3

Thank you to all of you for reading! If you have any questions or feedback send me an ask or dm me <3

Me an my friends finally cosplayed Voltron so if you wanna see me as Shiro and my awesome friends as Keith, Lance and Coran head over to my instagram.

Do you know what keeps me motivated when I so often doubt my writing and don’t know how to continue? Getting feedback! So please reblog, like, comment or even draw fanart. Whenever I read an “I love this” comment it makes me incredible happy! Also one of my goals is to someday have someone draw fanart for something wrote soo... if you wanna do that I’ll love you. Also please tag me if you do.

If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.

taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ladythugs @positevelybakerstreet @meganmoo02 @atomicengineerdetective @jishwadun-is-jishwafun @anemoee

[rosetherandomreblogger]

Rottmnt movie

Cool Nickelodeon intro.

Uhhhhhhh there’s immediate ANGST???

Oh no what happened

LEOS BLEEDING

CASEY CALLED LEO SENSEI????

Wait. Wait oh no these may be my favorite duo actually

OH MIKEY LOOKS COOL

Wait I keep forgetting Leo and Sonic the hedgehog were voiced by the same dude. I’m gonna hear it this whole movie.

“We have a ninja’s greatest weapon. Hope. …and a badass mystic warrior”

WAIT THEY GET TO SWEAR?!?

TIME GATEWAY??? ITLL POTENTIALLY KILL MIKEY???? oh no why does this movie reek of angst already

Ohhhhhhhh Casey Jones you got the fate of the world on the shoulders. No pressure :)

“But sensei-!”

MICHELANGELO HAMATO NO-!

“Master Michelangelo” I. Casey is so respectful???? Who IS he???

LEO BEIN A BAMF

Ooooh intro music bein bombastic. Also reminiscent of the 2012 intro. Nostalgia

Aaaaaa they’re so innocent. I love. But also Leo you’re killin me with the secondhand embarrassment please stop.

“Dang it, Leo. Not everything’s about you. When are you gonna grow up and start acting like a hero” why do those words get my foreshadowing senses tingling

“Ninj-ocity.” Oh dear. This entire movie will have me suffering, huh?

THEY DID WHAT???? Please say they didn’t kill him. Please. My heart cannot take that.

OPE. THERE GOES THE ARTIFACT. CASEY GO GET IT.

Leo. Why are you kind of a jackass

Wait I love maneuver 12 actually

Mystic tech? Did you mean “bomb-ass magic?”

Oh wait I love Ralph’s thing even more

LEO YOU DUMMY I LOVE YOU BUT WHY DID YOU DO THAT

NO. THE FOOT CAN FUCK OFF. They’re still my least favorite villains.

Leo. You’re a jerk today.

Ah. The eldest sibling conundrum. Classic TMNT stuff.

Splinter bein wise??

Ah. Nvm. He’s about his tv show. Weird trait for splinter, but whatever.

Oooooh Casey Jones? You look neat!

Oh Casey usin his BRAIN. Good kid.

April??? What the heck are you up to?

…why do I feel like you’ve made the whole bit about the chemical deforestation bomb up?

Oh. Rip ur phone.

APRIL WHAT THE HECK-?!?

Oh. Casey this is not how we approach people before whatever kraang shit went down- oh gods he’s got his AirPods in he can’t hear me-

IM SORRY, DID YOU SAY COMMANDER O’NEIL????

Oh. Oh no. This ain’t gonna end well. I hate this troupe.

Casey. Get your ducks in a row and explain CAREFULLY.

Oh Casey did your grappling hook misfire? Okay. Dang.

Oh this ain’t gonna end well, is it

Yep they’re all laughing at him.

“None taken. We are delicious.” SPLINTER. HAVE YOU ENGAGED IN CANNIBALISM, SPLINTER???? WHAT. HEH.

Oh. Oh there goes Leo’s ego. Through the roof.

SPLINTER. OH NO SPLINTER. WHY IS HE TRAUMATIZED BY THE KRANG. Also why do they spell it with only one A? It has two.

Ohhhhh backstory.

OOOH. WAIT. WAIT OH NO.

LEO WE BUSTIN UR ASS.

Casey hon. Don’t give up.

ROAST HIM RAPH

Ohhhhhhhhh no. Foot clan. Don’t do shit.

OHHHHH NO. FOOT CLAN WHY

Oh come on. Why is it cult shit.

OH FUCK. OH NOOOOOOO

…please tell me the designs are cool. The fact that they were brain critters in the 2012 version makes me not want that.

Yeah I can live with these designs.

Oh it’s just the one. Mkay then.

Oh wait I like his fighting style.

Oh ouch that has to hurt.

WAIT WHAT. THATS ILLEGAL. THATS STRAIGHT-UP ILLEGAL.

Oh there’s two more? Fun!

Huh. The sister seems more deranged.

Technodrome. They need to come up with a better name.

GIRLIE NO. ILLEGAL. BAD.

HEY WAIT DONT LET HIM WIDEN THE PORTAL

S P L I N T E R

Oh I like the escape pods

Ohhhhhh no I don’t like this.

HE GOT IT

N O

RAPH

Coping with with humor and getting it shut down. Classic.

Casey. Your catastrophizing.

Leo calm please

Leo please. Calm. You’ll regret this.

~~~~~end for the night cause I’m tired~~~~

“Donnie, you’re driving.”

I forgot about “commander” O’Neil

OOOOOH. OH NO. RAPH.

Hm. The first one who came out seems to be in charge. I don’t like that.

…they keep talking about Duty and my brain wants to make poop jokes.

In all seriousness I think these guys may be my new “love to hate them” enemies.

“Glorious crusade to restore the natural order of things” DID YOU MEAN GENOCIDE. CAUSE THIS SHIT SOUNDS LIKE GENOCIDE. I DONT CARE IF THE UNIVERSE CAME FROM YALL LEAVE THESE GUYS ALONE.

“The strong will devour the weak” WAIT. HOL UP. SO YALL DIDNT START SHIT. BROOOOOO LAME.

GOOD FOR YOU RAPH. KEEP UR MOUTH SHUT.

Also the dimension thing was funny, keep bein funny.

Ohhhh here’s the psychic kraang shit. This does NOT look pleasant.

That looked actually super painful and I hate it thanks.

…yeah they’re my new love to hate em characters. This guys smug face. Eugh.

Wait can I take a screenshot like this?

It didn’t work. Damn.

“You will serve me whether you live or not” WAIT I KINDA LOVE THAT LINE. WAIT WAIT WAIT I NEED TO USE THAT FOR D&D

Ohhhhh I don’t like the kraang thing actually. Like- in concept, the “can infect by touching” is cool. The designs? Not a fan.

This scene counts as body horror, right? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

…Leo don’t fault him for the trackers, they’re smart.

OH I LIKE THAT. OHHHHH I LIKE THAT. “From their perch atop New York City, the Kraang ripped open the sky itself. What came out was terror, and what rained down was worse than death” THATS FUCKIN COOL.

Leo, they’re right. The tunnels aren’t much in escape routes.

OHHHHHH I DONT LIKE THE MIND CONTROL HIVE MIND THING. Like. It’s cool, and a great implementation of something that has been shown in past iterations (the 2012 one comes to mind even tho it’s the only one I watched) but I do NOT like it.

Hm. Yep. This should’ve been a horror movie.

Oh. Oh there’s Casey’s trauma. Oh dear.

THAT AUTO-BRAKE WAS BRUTAL. OUCH.

VINES??? DONNIE. LEO. THOSE ARE FLESH. THOSE ARE A SPIDERWEB OF FLESH WAITING TO CATCH YOU. COME OUT OF THE TUNNELS YOU IDIOTS.

I HEARD A HEARTBEAT. FROM THE VINES. OH MY GODS, I LOVE THEM. BUT THEY CAN BE DUMB AFTER THEIR EGOS HAVE BEEN BOOSTED.

“Those slime balls will never see us coming” with hundreds of eyes opening behind him.

THIS IS WHY I THINK THE KRAANG SHOULD BE A HORROR MOVIE.

…I feel like if they destroy the artifact, it’ll just open up the portal forever. Like. Maybe we DONT try to break it??? Just a thought.

I feel like these Kraang should get names. …or even Greek designations. Ya know, Alpha, Beta, Delta.

Mikey. Oh hon. Go ahead and try, I don’t think it’s gonna work.

Yep. Thought so.

OH DONNIE NO.

OH SHIT. APRIL GO RAID THAT LAB U STOLE FROM EARLIER.

Oh please don’t tell me Leo and Casey dead.

THEYRE NOT DEAD.

wait where

THEYRE BOTH ALIVE THANK GOD.

Casey. Casey this is YOUNGER Leo. He doesn’t know what you do. Be nice, please.

Ohhhh Casey. Be- oh no he’s. I mean, Leo probably NEEDS the reality check, but geez.

Hey. Hey that was rude.

…don’t tell me Mr O’Neil is a COP.

Yeah, this isn’t gonna end well for the dudes in helicopters, huh?

…the cop is Mr O’Neil, isn’t it? …FU-

Casey bein pissed. I’m not sure how much I like him. I mean- I ADORE him, he’s great, but… idk yet. We’ll see.

THANK YOU LEO. Geez, he needed to see sense.

Casey, internally: …there’s a glimpse of the Sensei I know.

…Mikey, I don’t think it’s gonna work.

YES. APRIL

…I still don’t think it’s herbicide tho.

Donnie, you’re a dork.

…oh no. Oh no no no. Raph.

OH FUCK.

OHHHHH SEE. THIS MOVIE SHOULDA HAD SOME KINDA BODY HORROR WARNIN.

Oh. Ohhhhh fuck. They need more chemicals.

…I will say: the subway car Kraang thing is a pretty cool enemy.

SMOKE BOMB. I LOVE THE SMOKE BOMB.

So there DID used to be more than the 3 of them. Good to know.

…wait. Did these 3 resort to cannibalism to stay alive??? These are questions I need answered.

…well, here comes the bomb-ass literary quote from earlier.

…they should have some kind of warning on this whole fucking movie. Eugh.

This is a new design tho. I appreciate that.

THEY. NO. WHAT. ROBO-SUITS?????

I mean, they’ve brought back another huge thing I associate with the Kraang, BUT ARE YOU SHITTIN ME?

…still don’t like the technodrome’s design. Eugh. Too much flesh.

I mean, I probably would have complained that the technodrome looked samey if they didn’t do something so drastic, but GEEZ.

Good on humanity for trying, but uh. Not gonna work.

Oh yeah. Kraang are vicious.

“That nerd thing.”

A NINJAS GREATEST WEAPON CALLBACK

YALL GOT IT. YES. WORK TOGETHER BOYS + APRIL

Donnie is so hyped to pilot that ship I love it.

Y E S. DONT FORGET ABOUT RAPH

Wait the Kraang took control of- oh no that makes sense actually.

Ohhhh I still don’t like the technodrome design. Eugh.

Leo. Leo don’t be a self-sacrificing idiot.

I swear. This whole movie just. Eugh. Flesh vines

I HATE THE ROBO SUITS

OH GIANT EYE. EWWWWW. GROSS.

hehehehehe he said doody

Oh she’s still pissed. Good to know.

April. April do NOT. You have no clue how to operate a crane.

Cmon Leo. You got this. …also how are they gonna manage to remove the Kraang shit. Cause they gotta at some point, right?

…oh I don’t like how it looks like they’ll have to touch the Kraang stuff to hack in. Ew.

DONNIE HAS THE SAME IDEA AS ME AND HE ALSO DOESNT LIKE IT.

Boys please don’t vomit on screen. Please.

…does Donnie have canonical sensory issues in this one? Cause that’s neat.

“I am a gift!” NO, YOURE A GENOCIDAL LUNATIC

OH DONNIE NO. EUGH.

OH THE LITTLE ONE GOT UP-

GO DONNIE GO DONNIE GO DONNIE GO

Oh ouch. Yeah Leo’s gonna need some MAJOR healing time.

Uhhhhh what’s the big guy gonna do.

…Donnie you sound like a supervillain a little-

OH YOU ASS-

Ohhh Leo havin a heartfelt moment. I love it.

MAGIC RAPH BACK???? MAGIC RAPH BACK REAL???

YOU GOT IT BOYS. YOU GOT IT. GO BOYS GO.

Y E S. YEEEEESSSSSS. GO BOYS.

0.0 Donnie has QUITE the arsenal.

FOURTH WALL BREAK JOKE. YES.

I was wondering how April was doing. But also APRIL YOU ARE NOWHERE NEAR WEARIJG ALL THE SAFTEY EQUIPMENT TO BE ON A CONSTRUCTION SITE. NONE OF YALL ARE. APRIL IS THE ONLY ONE WEARING A HARD HAT.

GO APRIL GO- holy shit that was actually kinda brutal?

WAIT SHE AINT DEAD

Ohhhh that’s brutal.

OHHHHHHH I LOVE THAT.

ALL FOUR IN SYNC YESS

Donnie has his battle shell back. Good.

OHHHHH FUCK

GO RAPH GO. GET EM.

…Donnie neurodivergent????

Donnie you dork-

Ohhhh that’s a pissed off Kraang.

Ohhhh Leo. Leo no.

OHHH THEY CAN ALL HEAR.

Ohhhh Leo you big dummie.

LEO OH HON.

CASEY DONT CRY.

Oh NO.

GOOD JOB CASEY BIT ALSO AAAAAAAA

Oh no. No tears. Please no tears. I will end up crying too

There goes the technodrome.

Oh Leo. Leo get up. Leo please.

LEO NO.

MIKEY. MIKEY DO THE THING.

CMOOOOON MIKEY

YOU GOT IT BOYO

YES YES YES YES YES

Y E S

Oh ouch. That had to hurt

Y E S. GET F U C K E D

WHATS WRONG WITH STATEN ISLAND????

O H. OH “our heroes 💙🧡❤️💜” AAAAAAAA

Oh Casey. Casey your first time trying pizza.

OH AN UPDATED PIC AAAA

Who’s Cassandra-? OH SHES PRETTY

CASEYS MOM?

“I’m proud of you” THANK YOU FOR SAYONG IT

YES RAPH. BEAT THAT RECORD.

I have decided I am gonna watch the ROTTMNT Movie. I know some very basic lore- how mutating works, April and Donnie aren’t in love in this one, Raph is the leader, Casey exists, so do the Kraang in some form. That’s pretty much all I know.

I will be live-blogging my reaction in the notes app on my phone then I will post to tumblr in one big reblog of this post.

[monomas-a-smug-bih]

🌼 (2/1) I say what's on my mind, like if i see a pretty girl i just come up to her and say that she's pretty. It became one of my habits. Oh and sometimes i talk to myself without noticing. I can get pretty stubborn and childish around my friends and i like to annoy them too :-) but they love me. And may i just say I AM OBSESSED WITH YOUR ACC LIKE MAN YOUR WRITING IS AWESOME I WISH I COULD GIVE THE CREDIT YOU AND THE OTHER AWESOME WRITERS DESERVE ❤ thats about it thank you have a great week ^_^

Awwww you sound so adorable and cool I love it!

your first ask was lost cuz my deadass slipped onto the post button in the middle of a story, so I deleted and copy pasted it at sonic speed so no one would see my mistakes. Slick I know.

did I say story? Yep i accidentally wrote one and got carried away when I thought of something, so there’s a little scenario thingy near the bottom?? Woops anyways I’m glad you enjoy my blog!

That’s why you got…… TODOROKI SHOUTO!!

•can definitely see the class getting you two to meet each other because you’ve got the same cold expressions half the time AND you read books. Like. You’re meant for eachother???

•introductions quite awkward but as long as you turn on that social butterfly switch I’m sure you’ll be fine.

•he gets all flustered because you’d probably bluntly state compliments about him. (Thanks to your habitsss)

•"Woah, your eyes are so pretty!“

“Your skins so fair!”

“Your quirks so amazing!”

•it genuinely confuses him, like how does he take a compliment when he never gets any???

•he doesn’t seem that approachable to most and can’t expect any from his father so why are you being so nice?

•you’ll get a little pink dusting his cheeks out of him at first and just get plenty of thank yous, maybe some back.

•when he realizes he’s crushing hard it takes all his will-power to NOT set his school bag on fire at these moments. He’s blushing or trying so hard not to and you’re killing him with kindness, literally.

•you’re literally the only person who can make him smile.

•like you approach him waving and he flashes you a small smile automatically.

•class A is fucking astonished?? Like what sorcery is this?

•since you like making people laugh and he looks like he’s never giggled in his life, you make it your mission.

•I can see him accidentally confessing fo sho.

•he comes over to study and you accidentally jab him in the side, did he just……giggle?

•go! This is your only opportunity to complete your mission!!! You run your fingers up and down making him let out a held back heavenly chuckle, it’s too small to satisfy you. You two end up on his bed, after pffts and him struggling to hold his breath, Shoutos full out laughing. You continue til your tired and he’s more than flustered, that was adorable.

•your in a more than awkward position, good going y/n

•your prob straddling and kinda just sitting there ontop of him woops. You start giggling gets louder and louder and you wipe your teary eyes, but when your about to get off. He exhales and lets out a quiet I love you.

•shit shit shit he fucked up his face goes beet red. He really wants to hurl himself into the sun.

•"s-sorry I didn’t mean for that t-”

•I think both you and me know what’s bout it go down , idk how this happened?

K my fingers are cramped from this. What have I done. So I hoped you liked?? And for losing your ask take this long ass scen matchup?

[talllankyandawkward]

True Connections (Part 3)

The jet landed in Verona, Italy and you three had checked into the hotel under your aliases. You had your own room while Steve and Bucky shared. You thought sleeping with Bucky in the next room was hard. That was nothing compared to this. Everyone's thoughts here were so loud you couldn't hear yourself think. Around 5 am everyone was finally asleep so you were able to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. You woke up the next morning around 9am. The gala started at 7 pm.

You got up and threw your hair up in a bun for now. Your stomach gave a lurch, you were starving. You went to the lobby to get a continental breakfast. You found Steve and Bucky in the lobby at a table in the corner. You filled your plate and joined them.

Bucky looked up and smiled at you as you sat down. "Did you sleep well?"

"I wish. Every one is so loud here. Last night I'm positive I heard at least 5 affairs going on, " you shuddered in disgust, "listening in on that sort of thing is not my idea of a good time."

"Can't you just not listen?" Steve asked confused.

"I don't know Steve. Why don't we give you empathetic powers so you can feel everyone's emotions around you and hear all their thoughts and you see how easy it is to turn it off," you snapped at him. Steve was taken a back by this. He had never been on the receiving end of it before.

"I'm sorry Steve. I'm tired. I shouldn't have snapped."

"It's okay. Point taken."

"Wait, so you can feel other people's emotions around you?" Bucky asked confused.

"Most of the time yea. Loud emotions like lust, anger, happiness, jealousy, and loneliness I can always feel. Other emotions like fear I can sometimes feel. And other not as powerful emotions. It's a good bad thing."

"Is that why you never wanted to be on a floor near Tony," Bucky asked. Steve cracked up at this.

"Yes. That is exactly why," you say with a smile, "so what's up with you two dinosaurs? I thought you would be training or running or something active by now."

"Well we figured we would wait for you and see how long you need to get ready because you still need to give Stevie a makeover," Bucky told you. Steve elbowed him in the side for the last remark.

"Well," you give them a smile, "If I'm supposed to be seducing this guy I need to actually put on a whole hoe face of makeup. And that takes a while. And then hair. So I'd say 3 maybe 4 hours to get ready."

"Okay. Sounds good," Steve tells you.

You were finishing putting on your mascara when Steve knocked on your door.

"Are you ready for me now?"

"Just about. Hold on a tick." You say as you flick the brush over your lashes one more time. "Is Bucky already there?"

"Yes, he is in position."

"Ok. Steve sit here and don't move." You tell him as you start to put some stuff on his face. "This would be easier if you used the face mask thing Nat did when SHIELD went to shit."

"Language. And I didn't even think about that."

You finished his face and ushered him out of your room. "Steve give me a minute. I need to get into the dress and put the damn heels on."

"Language!"

"Oh fuck off Steve." You said as you pushed him out of your room with your powers and he turned back to you in awe as you smirked at him and closed the door. You walked back to the bed where the dress laid. You sighed and pulled it on. You had to admit. It fit well. It was a deep v neck with a slit almost up to your butt. The dress shimmered against the light as you moved. You pulled on your heels and stood up. You have yourself a once over in the mirror. You hair was up and in an elegant updo, your makeup was not too much but just enough to make you stand out.

You opened the door to find Steve waiting on you. He stared at you in awe.

"Look asshole, I know I don't normally wear shit like this but your are gonna have to close your mouth. Someone is gonna notice something if you stare at me like that the whole night," you scowled at him. Steve cleared his throat.

"Yep. Sorry. I've just never seen you wear anything other than leggings or shorts and a t-shirt." You shake your head and laugh at him as you both go to the car.

"Well, tonight I am not (Y/N) remember? I am Veronica Glascow, and you are my body guard Sean." You told him.

You climbed into the back seat and let Steve drive you to the gala. When you had arrived he gave the keys to another undercover agent and went to open your door. When he reached your side he opened the door and you climbed out. You held your clutch and was secretly in awe over everything, it was very glamorous and extravagant. You walked to the entrance with Steve following you close behind.

As soon as you entered the ballroom you knew something was wrong. Your head began to throb and you became woozy. Your eye sight became hazy as you grabbed for Steve's arm.

"What's wrong," Steve asked panicked.

"My head. Just take me to a table so I can sit down." You told him. He held your elbow and sat you down. "Sean, can you get me a water? I may just be dehydrated." You saw Steve get up and leave.

"Is everything okay?" You heard over the com in your ear.

"I just got woozy. Thats all. I'm fine." You answered back and looked up to see Steve with the water. You thanked him as you took it and took a huge gulp. The water helped some, reducing the dizziness to a major headache. If thats any better you thought to yourself.

You stood back up with protests from Steve, but you waved him off. You had a mission to complete. You found your target by the bar. You sent Steve to watch from a distance, if you were going to seduce the guy you had to appear single. You sat down at the end of the bar and put on a forlorn facade. The guy turned around and saw you.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this alone?" He asked in faux concern.

"My husband was working in another country. He was not able to come. I like it that way. I can have fun." You teased.

"Well now," the man said obviously intrigued. Your stomach clenched and turned you could hear his thoughts and feel his emotions. It was disgusting, but you had to play along, "what kind of fun are you looking for darling?" You smiled at him and leaned close to him.

"I have very specific tastes, sometimes my husband can't satisfy them. He's getting better, but sadly it isn't enough right now. And, theres only so much I can do to myself." You whispered seductively in his ear. You could practically drown in the lust coming off this man. It made you sick. There was something in this room that wasn't right. You could feel it.

"How could I assist you my dear?" You gave him a smirk. You leaned into his ear and began talking dirty to him. You felt like you were reading off a 50 shades page. You really wished you had turned off you com for this part. What made it worse was you made eye contact with Bucky. He met your eyes and he was pink in the cheeks. You wondered how red Steve's face was. When you pulled away from the man's ear you heard him say, "Well, I'm going to need more alcohol in my body before we do that."

He called the bartender over and ordered two scotches on the rocks, you looked at the bartender and just asked for water. You headache was coming back. The bartender gave you the water and you took a drink from it. The man began talking again and you were only paying him half attention but he didn't notice. He just kept ordering drinks. When he was borderline drunk he was just rambling on and on. But, one thing caught your ear.

"Security here is so good. We have it set up that certain wavelengths go off and it interferes with telepaths and can hurt them if they use their powers." He said. You sat up straighter. Your eyes flickered to Steve. He met your gaze.

B: Get her out of here.

S: It's her call not mine.

B: What do you mean it's her call? Get her out of here. Your job is to be her body guard. That is what we discussed. You are supposed to protect her. So do your job.

You heard this conversation over the coms and Bucky's voice was hard and flat. You did not dwell on the 'promise' Bucky had mentioned. But you were not going to lose this mission. You had questions that needed answering and you were going to get them answered. Your eyes met Steve's one more time and you shook your head no. You were going to stay to finish this. You had not failed a mission yet. You were not going to start now.

You turned your attention back to the man. Now it was time for the interrogation. You needed to find out about the few remaining HYDRA bases. This asshole worked at the biggest one.

"Where do you work?" You asked him curiously.

"I work out in Nepal."

"Nepal? What brings you to Italy then?"

"Well, you don't get much action in my line of work. If you know what I mean." He said winking at you. You feigned a blush.

"Oh, come one. Meeting women can't be the only reason you came all the way out here." You teased.

"Well it partly is. My boss organized the gala. He invited me to come as a guest."

"That is some trip. It must be nice to have a boss like that."

"What about you. Where do you work?"

"I am the head of a branch of clothing lines. I travel so much I don't really have a place to call home. I grew up in the typical small-town, USA though. Deep southern family." You told him.

"So that explains your accent." He chuckled. Another throb of pain hit your head. You winced but hid it with a laugh.

"Yes, that explains the accent." You told him faking a smile.

B: Steve get her out of there. They are turning up the wave length machine thing.

S: I can't. It is her call not mine.

B: You are the damn leader of this team. Fucking act like it and get her out of here.

S: Language.

B: Fuck off Steve. Get her out of here. NOW!

You heard the interaction over the coms. You had most of the information you needed. You just needed him to answer one more thing.

"Where in Nepal do you work? I know it is a very mountainous area."

"It really is. Do you want to know a secret? I can see Mount Everest from where I work."

"Oh wow. That must be-"

"Ms. Glascow?"

"Yes Sean?"

"There is trouble with the car. We need to go now." Steve said hurriedly.

"I'm sorry. I have to go. The damn car has been acting up lately. I swear I need to fire that mechanic." You turned to the man and told him.

"That's fine darling," he took out a pen and wrote down some numbers, "If you are ever in Nepal and want a tour guide and a good time let me know." He told you with a wink. You smile back at him as you turned and walked away.

B: I will meet you at the car.

Steve began to escort you out of the building. Then you felt it. Your head began throbbing again and you became very dizzy. You leaned onto Steve. "Get me out of here before I pass out." You tell him weakly. He nodded and wrapped an arm around your waist to support you. You almost made it to the door when another wave of pain hit your head and you blacked out.

[wishedraven]

...SHOULD WE KNOW US A LITTLE BETTER TAG...

Tagged by @markhyuck-is-real-af thanks again sis!!

RULES: You must answer this 92 statements and tag 20 people. Damn that's a lot of people for my shy ass

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: Fruit juice

2. PHONE CALL: One of my bff to bake some brownies for our other bff

3. TEXT MESSAGE: Again to the same bff talking about the arrival of one of our friends which I won't be able to see:(((

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: LOTTO(remix)-Seventeen

5. TIME YOU CRIED: At DISNEYLAND PARIS WITH MY BFFS WATCHING THE SPECTACLE OF LIGHTS GDI SO BEAUTIFUL

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: I've never dated so

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: I've never kissed either

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: A little bit difficult

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: Yes:(

10. BEN DEPRESSED: Not really depressed just sad a lot

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: I'm the only one of my friends who knows how to handle alcohol so never;)

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12-14: Blue, pink, purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: Yep quite a lot

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: I only love my fam, friends...

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: Yup

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE TALKING ABOUT YOU: Yup my friends are terrible at surprise parties...

19. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: Yup

20. KISSED SOMEONE OF YOUR FACEBOOK: Nope

GENERAL:

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: ALL

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: No:(

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: I LOVE MY NAME SO NOPE

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY: I went to a party with my bffs and my belgian correspondent, i had soooo much fun

26. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP: Veeery late 11-12 unless I have something to do

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: Reading fanfics in general

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN´T WAIT FOR: Going on vacations and seeing my friends ITS BEEN A WHOLE YESR!!!

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: RN she is behind me with my grandma, they don't know english so the coast is clear

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: My shyness, its so tiring

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RN: Love Paint-Nu'est

32. HAVE YOU VER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: Nope

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: THIS CAUSE I DONT KNOW HOE O UCKIG TYPE1!!

34. MOST VISITED WEBSITE: Tumblr, this bitch

35. ELEMENTARY: Finished

36. HIGH SCHOOL: Last year

37. COLLEGE: Not yet

38. HAIRCOLOUR: Dark blonde

39. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: Long

40. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: If idols and people who don't exist count then yes

41. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I'm very loyal, once I'm your friend I'll stick with you till the end of the world unless you do me dirty

42. PIERCINGS: Just the typical earrings

43. BLOODTYPE: A+ I think

44. NICKNAME: Nallino(mama nallino), Nai, Nalli...

45. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: As single as a pringle ;D

46. PRONOUNS: She/her

47. FAVOURITE TV SHOW: Game of Thrones

48. TATOOS: None

49. RIGHT OR LEFT: Right handed

50. SURGERY: Nope

51. PIERCNGS: Already answered

52. SPORT: I'm pretty good at any sport with a raquet or however you say it, baseball and swimming

53. VACATION: Guardamar del Segura ala a ver que haceis con esta info :D

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: Adidas?

MORE GENERAL:

55. EATING: I LOVE CHOCOLATE

56. DRINKING: *wild Joshua appears* DRINK WATER!:D im so funny

57. I'M ABOUT TO: Dance while making weird faces thats moi

58. WAITING FOR: Going to Guardamar

59. WANT: To meet all my internet friends in real life

60. GET MARRIED: I've always wanted to get married

61. CAREER: International relations

WHICH IS BETTER:

62. HUGS OR KISSES: I like hugs

63. LIPS OR EYES: The eyes are the windows to the soul(spanish saying)

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: I don't care I like both

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: I don't care either, I'm the oldest most of the time but I'm used to both

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: TF, I don't really pay attention to that, my friends are normally like hey look at those arms Nalli and I'm like oh aha, so yeah be nice and I like you

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: Both but a little bit more sensitive

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: Relationship

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Depends on the situation, friends hesitant, cousins troublemaker(Uxue queridaaa)

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: Nope

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: A sip

72. LOST GLASSES/LENSES: Nope

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: Twice

74. SEX IN THE FIRST DATE: I'M PURE HOW DARE YOU

75. BROKE SOMEONE'S HEART: Sure hope not

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: Quite a lot of times

77. BEEN ARRESTED: *sigh* PUREEEEE

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Yes

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: YES AND SHE IS STRAIGHT THANK GOD IT PASSED

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: Sometimes

81. MIRACLES: I'm an atheist so not really

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: Well I believe that love is something that grows with time, but attraction at first sight

83. SANTA CLAUS: Where I live its Los Reyes Magos ad El Olentzero, but no

84. KISS IN THE FIRST DATE: Depends on the person I guess

85. ANGELS: I've met plenty of them<3

OTHER:

86. CURRENT BFF NAME: Helen, Ana, Raquelx2, Pearlie, Isabelle, Estela, Athena(we need to start talking again:(()...

87. EYECOLOUR: Dark brown

88. FAVOURITE MOVIE: SPIRIT THE STALLION OF THE CIMARRON OMG I LOOOVE IT

THIS IS A LIE THEY ARE NOT 92

I'M TAGGING: @ultswenjunhui @viralvernon @uxuuutxu @suga-trash-queen @haechico 

and thats it cause Tumblr wont let me tag more people, whats wrong wth it nowadasy??

[aliceellablog]

Utter Rantage

It’s Friday night… It’s Top of the Pops… It’s not…I’m not sure why that came into my head… I’ll start again.

It’s Friday night… and I am sat on the sofa alone eating a stupidly large Toblerone on the verge of tears.

I’ve been crying on and off all day and not really managed to shake it. Balls.

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why I feel like this and why Brian acts the way he does (for new readers, Brian is what I call my brain…yep…)

Why do I have days when I feel like I could conquer the world- or rather, make it as a singer, and then days where I question the whole thing and think I should just accept that I am unwell and live my life watching Jeremy Kyle, This Morning, and Catfish, living on microwave meals and Haribo.

I suppose I should start with the fact that I haven’t been sleeping, which has been a problem on and off since I got ill at 14. I try to go to bed at a reasonable hour and when I get into bed I am EXHAUSTED. I feel like I am going to fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. But instead Brian likes to go through every little thing that I have done, or not done, that day. He then likes to plan a minute by minute account of what I am going to do the next day and play out every possible scenario and outcome. Then he usually spends a bit of time obsessing over the fact that I am SO tired yet I haven’t fallen asleep yet. We then go over the fact that I have or haven’t taken a sleeping pill and when it might kick in.

We try slow breathing, thinking of ‘nothing’, sleep apps that play the sound of a rainforest (it also plays the sound of a hoover and a little ‘medieval’ tune with like a flute or something…. Oh and frogs… who wants to fall asleep to that?!) and we also try counting sheep. I have on numerous occasions closed my eyes, and genuinely pictured a field full of sheep and counted as each little fluffy bastard jumps over some random little fence. IT HAS NOT WORKED.

I’ve tried routine, having a bath before bed, no looking at my phone for an hour before bed… ok…. I struggled with that one… but Brian just doesn’t like to be left alone. Go away Brian!! Let me sleep!!

So yea… that probably isn’t helping with how I feel, but the weird thing is that I have been doing a lot better recently in general. I’ve been managing to do the odd song writing session and studio work- even though some have been a right old struggle to get through. I have also been really on top of all the admin and email / promotion side of things for the first time in forever.

I do actually feel like I have a sort of ‘plan’ and it’s slowly coming together with regards to meetings I’ve got coming up, the new single (24 Obsession) I am releasing and even planning the next release after that… the thing is… I can then go in to panic mode. Ah!

Like… I book all these great things, but then, what if I can’t make it?? Shall I just cancel them? Or cancel some of them so I have more rest time in-between? I already try to plan SO carefully and don’t book more than one thing on one day- how frustrating is that!!!! But I’m kinda used to that and if I can do one thing on a day that’s still one thing more then nothing eh!! (OMG I just said something positive! Yay me!!) But then I tend to have one good day and over book myself and get in a right old pickle!!

It really does get me down the amount of time it takes me to do things compared to a ‘healthy’ person. I know I should be grateful if I can do anything at all, and I am, but life isn’t like that and everything is relative. I kind of see it that a ‘normal’ person could do what I do in a week in two days. For example in 7 days if I was having a really good week, I reckon I could do a writing session, recording sesh, and maybe a meeting?? Thats like 2 days worth of stuff right? Sorry I really am just feeling sorry for myself now, but then take into account the fact that I’ve just had pretty much 2 years out, and keep having to have weeks / months off at a time and you might get the idea. Well.. I mean 14 years really... I just mean 2 years recently ya know....

Then I see people having social lives. People going to work and then going out after for ‘drinks’ or whatever. I know I’ve said it in another blog before but I am desperate to be able to go out with friends and have a drink and a dance. It kills me that I can’t. And pretty much every weekend I have to either watch as my (gorgeous amazing best friends) housemates do their thang and go out and have fun, (Luckily they also enjoy staying in with me and watching tele sometimes ;) but if it’s not them going out then its the whole of bloody Facebook and Instagram with their ‘one bottle or seven’ memes. Yes you are having a great time, but I am not, so go away.

Bitter?? Me?? Never ;) ;)

This then begs the question - should I quit social media?? We all have this problem- everyone’s lives looks better than your own- I mean to be honest if I were to scroll through my Instagram feed I think it looks like I am a healthy girl, having fun, following my music career dreams without a care in the world- but then of course we only really put pictures up of the good bits, and if we decide to share the bad times they are usually few and far between and there’s always that risk that it can come across as a cry for attention. I hate attention I do… HAHAHA oh I make myself laugh- is this me trying to get attention though? Nah… what with my like… 6 Tumblr followers I definitely see this as more like therapy. And I do it in the hope other people will read this, relate to it, and then not feel quite so alone. Anyway, god I am on a right rantage now aren’t I!?!?!

Where was I… Ok so I could leave social media and get rid of all the jealousy I feel when I see people who appear to have perfect lives, or at least seem to live a life that I want. But…. #FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) What if I miss an important post? (I have actually got a lot of music related jobs etc through Facebook and it is one of the key self promotion tools when it comes to releasing your own music!) How will I know what my friends and people I know are up to… OK that one felt weird to type- I heard it- if they are your real friends then message them or talk on the phone!! But realistically there are tons of things I know my friends, family and acquaintances have done or are doing purely because of Facebook and the like.

I don’t know. But I know I look through it all way too often.

So I usually do a bit of a recap of the last two weeks in these blogs… as I have the worst memory of anyone I think I’ve ever met (can’t remember) I shall get the diary out…

Ok so I’ll start with the fact that I had my old band round for dinner which was LOVELY!! I was having a bit of a bad day and didn’t think I would be up to it but once they got here and Chinese food had been ordered I was a much happier bunny :) The last gig I did with them was around two years ago for the launch of my first single ‘Summer Sun’ - at one point in the evening we were reminiscing about it all and I broke down into tears infront of them all - a bunch of lads- which was highly embarrassing but maybe that just showed them how much I care, and how much I miss it. Anyway we had a lovely catch up and fingers toes and flaps crossed we will be gigging together in the not tooooo distant future!! :)

I spent the next five days at home going between resting and working on a new youTube video- It’s a cover of ‘Stay’ by Zedd ft. Alessia Cara and it is my entry for this month’s MTV Cover of the Month Competition- here’s the link to the comp if you fancy voting for me - you can ‘clap’ as many times as you like ;) ;) THANK YOU!!!!!!

http://www.mtvcoverofthemonth.com/v/253144

And here’s the link to the video on the YouTubes, I really hope you enjoy watching it :) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpVtfAuZ97s

On the Sunday we filmed that video at an amazing studio just down the road from where I live (massive yay!) and it was so great to work with Matt Allen :) He’s an amazing videographer and editor and was super fun and easy to work with.

On the day I actually felt quite up for it, but about an hour into the three hour shoot and I was having major internal panic about how tired and basically awful I felt. Anyway, got through it and got it done YAAAAASSS :D

A few days after that and I was back down to Biggin Hill (the other end of the Earth) to record some vocals with Warren. We were recording the final vocals for the next single release (after 24 Obsession) and I am honestly SO freaking happy that we managed to finish them!! Next will be some production changes and then getting the remixes done and the video etc etc etc, but the reason why I am already working on the next single is so that once I release this one there won’t be another long ass wait until the next one :)  Although to be fair to myself the main reason for this two year gap has been the elf!

Oh and I also beat Warren 19-4 when we were watching catchphrase!! LOOOOL!! - I am so obsessed with this gameshow- I even applied to be on it and got to the auditions stages- then I was told that I had made it to being a reserve for the show….so close!!! I will definitely be applying again next series though!! It is my calling!!

Then it was back home for a bit more resting and coco-pop action :) This felt ok though as I had done the video and the studio sesh, it actually felt like it was deserved rest.

The next eve I went to see one of my favourite people play his own sell out gig in Camden- Okiem- check him aaaaat!! He is a pianist who has played for all kinds of acts including Tinie Tempah, Delilah, Duke Dumont etc etc and is now writing and performing his own classical / cinematic music which I can assure you is bloody beautiful!!!

I went with one of my bestests who I live with - Grace- who is genuinely one of the funniest girls I think I have ever met! Oh the stories I could tell you about her :) But not only is she hilarious she is also caring, kind, and she gives a shit- to be fair she’d had a few drinks, but during the concert she turned round to me and just said how if I ever wanted to talk to her or have a rant about anything she is always there and wants to listen and be there for me. I think she knows that I try not to talk about my health stuff too much as I feel like it must get so boring and ‘woe is me’ for all my housemates, but I could tell that she was being genuine and I almost burst into tears there and then… I just about managed not to….. but it meant so much.

The gig was amazing and I was SO proud of Oak!! He is one of the cowriters and producers of that next single that I was recording the vocals to you see! Ah I am a lucky gal!

The next day I travelled down to Sussex to be with Mumma bear :) She has just had a little operation so I wanted to come and spend some time with her and look after her. MY goodness… she is the most inspiring person I have ever met… I mean after all.. she did have me ;) ;) no but seriously, I think she’s had like twenty something operations in her life. I won’t list them but they include tumours of the spine and all sorts. She has had a constant battle with her health throughout her whole life too so I think that’s probably why we understand each other so much.

So having said that I really wanted to come home and look after her, but while I was there I had a really bad few days and spent most of the time on the sofa with Ollie (my cat). Rubbish. But we did have some good quality time together and I managed to cook her a few meals at least :)

I felt like I had been doing really well up until that point and can’t really see a ‘reason’ why I felt so bad.

That’s the thing, I am always searching for reasons, like having over done it, or that I ate the wrong things or didn’t do this or that, but sometimes there just is no reason that I can see, and that pisses me right off. Like what am I supposed to do?? Push through it even if I feel like I am going to collapse? Rest even though then my stamina levels will go back down and everything will be that much harder the next day and days after that? Ugh.

I have been talking lots about the LP (Lightning Process) in my last few blogs as it is something I am really trying to do….. I truly believe that it has been really helpful but then I just sometimes get days like this when it’s like nothing can shake how shit I feel.

I’ve been so tearful too and just feel like giving up- which is the exact time that I should be doing the LP!! It is so confusing and hard to do!! You basically have to do it all the time especially when you are at your worst….which is by far when it is the hardest. I have been doing it the last few days but I know I haven’t been doing it enough. But why? Is it my brain? Surely I am in control of it? I don’t know. Maybe Brian is back in control. 

Anyway I have been typing for a long time now and I’m gonna get into bed... well... some sofa cushions on the floor - (staying at any brothers place tonight, which has been lovely as him and his gf Holly just got engaged!!!! How exciting!!!!) and try and sleep it off and wake up tomorrow with a fresh head.

I HAVE to work out a way to control Brian. Why does he want me to fail to bad? I can’t let him win. I won’t let him win. Silly Brian. ;) x