#this wasnt directly inspired by anything or whatever | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

biorusted · 4 years ago

Text

Precipice (Or: I could love you)

Out of the depths of my brine pool I come baring an actual, honest to God fanfic. And a smut one at that. 2020 is full of surprises.

Thank you @soulswimmr keeping my soul tethered to this mortal plane and for prof reading this fic.

Fandom: Satan and Me -- Pairing: GabeMike -- Words: 5510 (and no its not 10 pages of intercourse there are other things that happen)

If I had a AO3 account I would tag this fic as: Explicit! Panic attack tw, anxiety and depression tw, messy feelings, Hurt/Comfort, porn with plot, First times, cis gay sex, under negotiated kinks, (as in *slaps roof of fanfic* this baby can fit SO MUCH under negotiated kinks) light Bondage, light impact play, Dom/Sub tendencies, aftercare. yeehaw.

Summery: Michael accidentally confesses his love to Gabriel. Putting it lightly, it doesnt go well. But then Gabe shows up later that day and makes amends. (they boink)

Edit - 9/29 (michaelmas) Added a NSFW pic inspired by the fic (at the bottom)

Michael had no idea how he got here.

Well, no, of course he did; he was there when it happened. But to say that the day began with him nearly falling over the edge into despair to having Gabriel grinding up against him, pressing hot kisses to his neck and chest, toying with his body… well no one could have possible seen that coming. Except God, but he wasn’t really thinking of Him at this time.

Theres no way to track how This started. It could go back way before the Fall, to when Michael was first discovering that he liked Gabriel more than others. But that was normal, right? People had their favorites so why was this any different? Just because he leaned in closer whenever Gabriel spoke, or found him smiling like the sun whenever Gabe leaned up against him while they were on break, didn’t mean it was anything special. Besides, Gabriel had Anthea. Gabriel didn’t know he had Anthea at first, but Michael wasnt that blind. So he didn’t say anything to dissuade Gabriel from going after her. He didn’t encourage it either, though. Even after the Fall, he didn’t say anything, he himself just lost Lucifer so any chastising or encouragement would have been hypocritical, but eventually he’d thought that Gabriel would let go of her.

He never did though. And Michael never got rid of his feeling for Gabriel either. It grew, in fact. Slowly, like a vine coming around to choke the statues in the gardens, wholly unnoticed until there is nothing to do about it. Every laugh, ever tired roll of the eyes, every unexpected yawn would bring about a new leaf that would suffocate Michael if he wasn’t already doing everything he could to push his feelings down. He didn’t have time for whatever he felt for Gabriel. There were things to do on the surface, troops to train in Heaven and he, being the one on the pedestal, had to be perfect. And feelings were messy.

The point is, as much as he wanted to run his fingers through Gabriel’s curly red hair and kiss him on warm summer nights, he couldn’t do it. Would never do it.

And then the prophecy child came along. The end officially started, Michael got stabbed by his sister, contracted to a human, poisoned by his brother, sold off as a bartering chip to War, lost his physician, pulled some strings and brought a spirit back to earth, pulled some more strings to keep Gabriel from getting to irreversible trouble (but still had him sent to the tank for two weeks), finally saw God after years of radio silence, met his literal doppelganger, got formerly-mentioned-brother’s wings sent to him as sick gift and, quite frankly, was at the end of his rope. Everything was just happening too fast and no one seemed to care. The air was tight whenever he was with the other Archangels. It felt like he didn’t really know any of them anymore. Not even Gabriel, though his heart begged for that not to be the case.

Oh, right. Anthea had also died. So there’s that too. See? Messy.

All of that was basically to say, that when Gabriel made the snide comment that he, Michael, couldn’t possible know what it was like to truly love someone other than himself (which wasn’t even true, Michael did, in fact, hate himself immensely) Michael wasn’t planning to confirm or deny it. However, after the initial shock – Did Gabriel really think him that heartless? – and feeling everyone’s eyes on him – all the other archangels were in the room, plus some other guards – he did answer. It came out like a holy confession, a whisper accompanied by searing hot tears.

I love you. He said.

Michael couldn’t breathe in the silence that followed, which made Gabriel’s laugh, a cruel sounding thing, even harder to take. Michael choked on air and when Gabriel turned to leave, but when he made to follow, maybe to explain himself more? To apologize? Anything but be alone with his thoughts or worse, alone in a room full of people, Gabriel slapped him.

Gabriel said something to him, but he didn’t catch it. All he felt was stinging on his cheek and embarrassment crushing his chest. Michael didn’t know how long he stood there, cradling his face and trying to think, but not comprehending anything around him, but eventually his brain caught up and he realized he did not want to be in that room right then. So, he ran.

Raphael had taught him some breathing techniques to help with panic attacks, but he couldn’t remember them. He guessed he actually had to breathe for them, which he wasn’t doing. All he was doing was sitting in a ball on the floor of his room trying to crush his feeling out. How typical of him, really, to fuck everything up. Now what? He had just cut ties with the only other person he felt a true connection with and now he was well and truly going to die lonely when The End came. That was always the plan; a murder suicide with Lucifer, but he’d thought there would be some pride when he went? Someone who he was fighting for? He didn’t know. He did know it was all his fault. Everything was his fault, no matter who he assigned blame to.

When he finally stopped crying, Michael sat very still. The apathy that came after such a strong release was always welcome. He breathed. And then he got up, washed his face and then went to his personal office to get some work done. He was nothing if not a good angel. Perfect in the eyes of the public.

Numb to everything that wasn’t directly in front of him, Michael actually got a lot done. The shuffling of paper and scratching of his pen was a pleasant relief compared to the chaos of his own thoughts that he was used to. He didn’t even hear the door to his office open, didn’t feel the presence of someone else in the room until they came to where he was organizing paperwork into the proper bins and gently grabbed both of his arms.

Oh, Michael could recognize Gabriel’s hands anywhere. They were hands he trusted completely with everything from a nice manicure to executing an offender of the faith. The only problem was he didn’t know what Gabriel was going to do with those hands. So, he stood completely still at Gabriel’s mercy for the second time that day.

“Turn around.” Gabriel said, taking the rest of the files from Michael and tossing them out of reach. Michael couldn’t discern anything from his voice, really only comprehending that he was very close to his ears, so, he did what he was told.

“Look at me.” he said next, as Michael found the trinkets on his desk a better study. When he didn’t listen, Gabe let go of the shelving he was pining him to and put one hand on the side of his face. It didn’t take a lot of pressure to tilt his head so their eyes met. It frightened Michael to see how stormy Gabriel’s eyes were. Dark, alluring, and troubled were not something he’d normally say about Gabriel, but now only those words applied. There was something else too, his jaw was clenched, as if he were holding his tongue, or arguing with himself.

Michael never got the chance to ask about it, because Gabriel leaned in, parted his lips, closed his eyes and kissed him. The fog of apathy flushed out of him immediately and he felt everything; the warmth of Gabe’s hands on his cheek, the way his other hand lifted from the table and came to rest on his waist, the smooth silk of his own clothes against his body, heat coming from everywhere and, oh lord, his lips. The clouds couldn’t compare to the softness of Gabe’s lips on his, he could spend an eternity in this moment and it would never be enough.

The kiss (they’re first kiss), of course, did not last an eternity. It was only when Gabe moved away from him that Michael realized he didn’t close his eyes, or move towards him or do… anything. Kisses always looked magnetic, so why didn’t it fix everything between them? Michael felt a knot forming in his stomach and it only grew heavier as Gabe opened his eyes to gauge his reaction.

They were still standing so close that their breaths were shared. So, Michael only had to whisper when he said;

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you want to?” Gabe quipped back, tilting his head to the side. He was being completely serious.

“Wh-What?” He really wished his eyes were the bright emerald green they were usually.

Gabe’s grip on Michael’s waist tightened and the storm behind his eyes grew. “Do you want to understand?”

Of course he did. His cheek still burned from where Gabe hit him and the shaking anxiety from his panic attack never left completely, if he understood then maybe they really could make this work. Whatever this could be. Or he could fuck it up.

“No.” He said, and closed the gap between them.

Almost immediately he was shoved back into the shelving with Gabe’s hands clawing at his skin and teeth biting his lips. Heat rushed through his entire body as Gabe pressed up against him, ground up against him leaving his full intent out into the open.

God, since when could he move like that? Michael thought as he opened his mouth and let Gabriel’s tongue meet his own. Gabe’s piercing clicked on his teeth, setting off another wave of heat down his spine. He’d always wondered what it would be like to feel Gabe’s piercing in his mouth. One of his own hands slipped behind Gabe’s chiton and laid flat against his chest while the other raked through his hair. He almost wished Gabriel hadn’t cut his hair short, he would have love to pull on the curls, but the deep moan that came out of him made up for it.

Gabriel’s tongue was on his lips, and then his lips were on his jaw, kissing a line up and then down his neck, Michael could barely catch his breath, the way he gasped at every press of his mouth on sensitive skin. Even when Gabe slowed down to focus on a spot at the base of his neck, Michael didn’t complain, especially as Gabe’s leg pressed in between his own. Michael didn’t realize how hot his body felt, certainly didn’t realize how hard he was, how hard both of them were, but it was all he could think about as Gabe’s hands slid lower and started groping his ass, gathering the fabric of his skirt between his fingers.

Humans always made this stuff look strange, Michael didn’t get all the moaning and begging and crying out. The ‘losing control’ part never made sense to him either, but there was nothing controlled about the sounds he made now; broken whispers begging to be understood as wanting more. He wanted more of this, whatever this ended up being and he wanted Gabriel there to guide him through it all.

Naturally, that’s when Gabriel pulled away. Michael didn’t think he could fall for him anymore, but the vines he always compared his love to bloomed in such a vivid way. The messed up hair, the dilated pupils, the reddened lips, the way he dragged his eyes down every inch of him; it could have destroyed him and made him whole all at once.

“Tonight.” Gabe said. “I’ll meet you in your room.” It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a statement either.

“Yes.” He nodded, but when he felt Gabriel leaning away from him, asked “But why?”

He straightened himself up, making eye contact as he grazed his crotch and nodded towards his desk. “You still have work to do.”

The afternoon passed as quickly as he’d expected it to, which is not very quick at all. After getting himself fixed up, Michael found he could not possibly focus on anything other than events prior. It didn’t matter what he put in front of himself, all he could think about was how this whole thing wasn’t good. It’s exactly want he wanted in his deepest and most sinful dreams; a physical relationship with his millennia-long love—but he’d only let himself pin for a romantic one, chaste save for a few kisses. They both were angels after all. This… This wasn’t even love, he thought. Especially not in the way silence grew serious between them when they parted. Lovers didn’t do that… they talked at the very least.

No. This was lust. And he found that he was ok with it… he wanted to be ok with it.

Eventually he got up and left his office. The empty hallways of his home echoing his footsteps, he tried not to think about it. He paced around his room a bit, wishing Gabriel had been more exact about ‘tonight.’ Did he mean at sunset? Or closer to midnight? Were they just… going to get straight to it? Or… what? Was Michael expecting to be taken out on a date? Please. Gabe was probably just going to get off and then leave. He would be lucky if it was a mutual thing.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking. How would it happen? Was he expected to do anything? How did Gabriel know how to move his body like that? Eventually, just about when he thought he’d lose it, Michael caved and looked up what to expect.

The internet was, as usual, very helpful, but by the end of his searching his mind was even more frayed than before. He decided to take a shower. A long one just to calm himself down and … maybe to… test some of the things he read.

By the time Gabriel arrived, Michael had taken a long shower, dried and dressed himself and even put on what he hoped was subtle perfume and straightened up his room. Everything was, hopefully, perfect. He was halfway through setting up two glasses of wine --because he did keep wine in his room now-- when the knock came.

“Come in,” He said casually, almost forgetting the situation they were in.

He heard the door open and close, but there came no greeting, so when Michael turned around to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he was surprised to find Gabriel outright staring at him. He looked the same as he did before, except now he carried a bag with him. Michael, however, did dress up. Or down. It depends on how you look at it. He still wore his chiton, but in a more traditional way that showed off more of his chest and thighs. He also wasn’t wearing anything underneath.

He swallowed and turned back to the wine, wishing his body didn’t blush so much under Gabriel’s intense stare. But he faced it again, this time with a bottle of wine in his hands.

“I thought that we could have a drink?” His voice faltered and he stood rather awkwardly and small.

That seemed to break Gabe out of his trance. He dropped off his bag on the bed and approached him with an even gaze. Stopping right in front of him, he took the bottle from his hands and set it down.

“No… No more wine.” He said in that deep tone that put butterflies in his stomach. Upon seeing his reaction, Gabe added, “I’d rather have you right now.”

And to that Michael could only say one thing.

“Please.”

And now here they were, Gabriel leaving bite marks and hickeys on his neck while he pushed up against him so that every nerve was on fire, begging for more. Michael twisted and strained on the ropes tying his wrists to the bedposts, trying to catch his breath. But whenever he did manage a moment clarity, Gabriel would do something else to make him jump and moan beneath him. He was playing with his nipples now and dragging his fingernails down his sides. He still hadn’t taken off his clothes yet, but by now they might as well be ruined, soaked through with each other’s sweat and precum. Michael moaned again as Gabe slapped his thighs, by now he wasn’t afraid of being loud, he wanted Gabe to know exactly what he felt.

“Please.” He begged again, not expecting an answer but praying for one anyway. His legs shook underneath Gabe’s firm hands as he kept them pressed to the bed, no matter how many times he coaxed Gabe forward, to rub their cocks together, for any friction at all, he still denied him.

“Please, what?” he said into his ear, “Aren’t I giving you everything you want?” The honey in his voice made Michael shiver.

“Yes, God yes! But please… fuck- please touch me. I need you.” He captured his lips again for a messy kiss.

Gabe pulled away. “Greedy, much?” He kissed a line down his body, then above his navel, “You really are a whore.”

Michael gasped as the sash at his hips was untied and thrown aside. His whole body throbbed with need at the silent promise. “Only for you.”

Gabe lifted the remaining fabric and breathed in the wet spot where his precum soaked through. “Is that so? All of this is for me?” He gently pulled the fabric away from his body, finally leaving Michael bare and spread wide for him. His dick fully erect, leaking and red, begging for release by any means.

Michael shifted under his gaze, looking down on him like he owned him. He only hoped he looked as beautifully desperate as Gabriel did. “Of course.”

Gabe nodded and took off the rest of his own clothes. His hands traveled up and down his glistening tan body, fulfilling a desire that Michael wished he could do instead. How many times had Michael wanted to run his fingers up and down the curves of Gabriel’s toned body? He couldn’t remember at that moment. If he didn’t like his wrists being tied up so much, he might have asked to be untied.

When he got to his dick though, he only traced light lines with his fingertips, moaning and biting his lips in pure ecstasy. It was a sight to behold, the lines of precum hanging on his fingers, the trail of ginger hair cropping his dick. ‘Heavenly’ could hardly cover it.

Michael let out a groan and Gabe stopped, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“My eyes are up here.”

“Fuck me already.”

That earned him another slap on the inside of his thighs, he bucked and noted the way his cock bounced in the air. Did everything have to be so erotic? Gabriel reached back to the bag he brought, the one that also had the rope, and pulled out a small bottle of lube and a condom. Now that they were on track, Gabe wasted no time in slicking his fingers up, propping up Michael’s legs and sliding said fingers up and down his ass, even grabbing his balls for good measure. Michael thought about biting into his own arm to stop from crying out too loud, but instead just lifted his legs higher. The house was empty anyway.

Gabe let out a satisfying hum and pressed a finger inside him. It felt as strange as it did when he practiced in the shower, but god was it so much better.

“Take deep breaths. I’m just stretching you out now.” He said, smiling to himself and kissing Michael’s calf. “It would be a shame if you finished now.”

“It wouldn’t be my fault. I didn’t know how much you liked teasing.” Or slapping or bondage or powerplay or literally anything. Then again, he himself didn’t realize how much he’d like those things too, much less being on the receiving end. He took a deep breath. And another. Then, the question that was haunting him slipped from his mouth. “How do you know how to do this?” he blurted out.

“Hm?” Gabriel looked away from him, suddenly abashed, as if he wasn’t massaging his asshole for his pleasure and use. “I uh. I watched some videos.”

And to that Michael laughed, more genuine than he had in a while.

“What?” Gabe took the opportunity to insert another finger, stopping his laughter with pain and pleasure. How cruel!

“Nothing! I just…” He turned his head to hide his face in is arms. “I watched some videos too.”

“Really?” The quality in his voice changed. It had been changing from when they made out in his office to now… it felt like they were talking normally with each other, like friends… or, well, like lovers. It helped that he was smiling now, not quite a joyful or mischievous smile, but a quaint one. As if they both were taking each other in with a new light.

“Yeah… I practiced some too.” He could share that, right?

“Oh… did you…?”

“No. I was… saving that for you.”

“Oh.” Was all he said, hiding his quiet delight behind adding in another finger inside of him.

They stayed like that for a while, Gabe stretching him out gently while Michael sighed and kept his breathing relaxed. Gabe never pushed his fingers in deep, even though Michael thrusted his thighs up, trying to convince Gabe to finger fuck him a little. After a few minutes, Michael was craving for something thicker and longer. Even so, he was not ready for how cold, empty and gapping he’d feel when Gabe’s fingers left him.

“Ready?” Gabe asked as he slid the condom on and poured more lube onto his hand. He bit his swollen lips and he slicked up his shaft; he wasn’t the only one that was denied.

“More than.” He angled himself up more and welcomed Gabe’s steady hand bracing on his red thighs. There was a moment of blissful silence as Gabe lined himself up, only broken by the feeling on his head pressing up against his hole and pushing in. They both moaned.

Gabe was gentle going in, pushing forward and pulling back bit by bit. His whole body jerked as he guessed his prostate was hit, he read that it felt like sparks shooting across the body and by God was that right. He rocked his hips up even harder now. Michael had never felt so full, never felt the need to be, but when Gabe bottomed out and rutted against his hips, he felt as if he’d need this the rest of his life. Is this what it felt like to be truly connected? To be full and content with your lover? It felt cheesy to even think, but he imagined soulmates felt like this.

Michael moaned even louder as Gabe pulled halfway out and slid down faster. Again and again he felt sparks as his lover’s wet hips slammed into his own. The noises they made were obscene and only made worse when Gabe leaned over him to get a better angle. Now he could feel Gabe’s hot breath on his face and see just how gone he was, which made the heat pooling in his own stomach twist and flood his senses. This was started to be too much.

“Touch me!” He begged, straining on his wrists again. “Oh, please I want to come. Please let me come.” He had to have this, he’d waited so long; Michael needed this.

“Oh fuck.” Gabe moaned and leaned down to bite at his neck once more. “Beg for me. I’m so close.”

“Please, Gabriel, I wanna… I wanna feel you come inside me, I want your hands pumping my dick until I scream. I want you. I need you Please. Please. Please!”

Michael’s breathy cries grew more erratic along with Gabriel’s pace. The wet slapping of skin filled the room until Gabe cried out and shook with his orgasm. Michael pushed up against him, writhing around his partner’s twitching cock, until Gabe collapsed onto him and gasping for breath, oversensitive and spent.

“Fuck.” He gasped as he lifted himself up and crashed his mouth on Michael’s. His lips screamed desperation. His hands trembled as he grabbed Michael’s cock and pumped at a horrifically fast pace. Michael gasped against his mouth and bucked, arching his back as much as he could. When his orgasm hit, he froze, coming quickly in Gabe’s hand before opening his eyes again and melting into the bed. Only then did Gabe slide out of him and collapse. He couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then the only thing he could do was breathe. His mind and body spent.

They laid together for a few minutes, Gabe resting on top of him, both of them basking in the afterglow. Michael felt sticky and sore and empty but didn’t feel like moving, and honestly, if they laid like that for the rest of the night, he would be completely fine with that.

As if reading his thoughts, Gabriel kissed his jaw and lifted himself up. How he went from blitzed out to composed Michael couldn’t guess, but he noted the way Gabe still trembled. “We should… clean up.” He emphasized this by taking his hand—still covered in Michael’s cum – and dragged his tongue up his index finger. He made a face and shrugged, “It doesn’t taste that good.”

Michael huffed. “I’m sorry I’m not made of sugar.”

“Hm. But those noises you made were so sweet.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Untie me, please.” He didn’t thing he could play anymore games.

“Just a second.” He peeled off the condom and made to get off the bed.

“Where are you going?” A bolt of dread shot up his spine; he wasn’t leaving, was he? Not tied up to the bed and out in the open?

“Bathroom, Michael. Getting a towel and washing my hands. Also, you’re sticky.”

“And whose fault is that?” he tried shove his anxiety back into its box.

He didn’t get a reply, just a hum and a good view of Gabe’s back side as he walked to the room adjacent and cleaned himself up. He wasn’t even out of sight, keeping the bathroom door wide open, but Michael still felt tendrils of doubt writhe in his chest.

He put on a smile as he walked back holding two warm towelette—because yes, Michael had towelettes on hand. They’re nice to have— He was still surprised when Gabriel cleaned him instead of just untying his wrists and letting him handle his own ‘sticky’ body. Somehow this seemed more intimate than what they just finished doing, especially how gentle Gabe lifted his legs to get a better angle. The warm towel felt wonderful on his abused butt and dick, more so than he thought it would. After getting his lower half he used the other towelette to press on his neck, which had much the same effect. Michael didn’t think that a warm towelette would make the deep bite marks and bruises heal right away, but it was like a gentle kiss. He didn’t think Gabe would be so kind to him.

“Whats wrong, Michael?” Gabe’s calm voice cut through the silence. He didn’t meet his eyes as he asked.

What should he say to that? Everything was wrong, they just—they just had sex! They didn’t even talk about it before hand they just… did it! And this morning he was pretty sure Gabe hated him and Michael… he didn’t know what he wanted to do with anything. No one could find out, he was sure of that… but did that mean he had to forget this whole night happened? All in all his life was falling apart! He didn’t want to push his last lifeline away.

“I’m fine.” He smiled. He tried not to panic as the mood shifted over Gabriel. He could see the clouds over his eyes again. Shit shit shit of course he’d ruin it. “I-“ He started, frantically thinking about what would make this right. “I just want you to stay.” Pathetic.

That seemed to work, though it hurt to say, but he didn’t get an answer right away. Instead, Gabe moved up to his arms and finally undid the rope. Michael hissed as he moved his freed wrists again.

“Oh, I brought something for that.” Gabe said, reaching for his bag once again. He produced a bottle of lotion and applied some to his hands before taking one of Michael’s and massaging it. It felt good, though much like the towel still at his neck, he didn’t think it would do much. They fell into a lull again. Michael felt as if he could fall sleep, if not for the unanswered question weighing on his mind.

“What do you want to do with the cover?”

“Hm?”

“The duvet is… wet.”

“Oh… just throw it to the ground, I’ll clean it tomorrow.” Or he’ll just burn it, whatever.

“Ok.” Gabe let go of his hands and began to pull back the blanket beneath them. Ideally, they should have taken it off beforehand, but they weren’t really thinking logically then, just about how to make each other shake with pleasure. Michael sat up and helped kick the thick blanket to the ground. His ass hurt and his whole body was sore, scratched up and bruised, but at least he was clean-ish. He had honestly never felt so… exhausted before. Satisfied but still so wanting. Maybe he was a selfish whore. He pulled back more blankets from the front of the bed and crawled underneath him, not caring to put on clothes or turn off the dim lights still illuminating his room.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the heaviness he felt all around him versus the sounds of Gabriel sliding off the bed and walking away. It didn’t really work, he still felt hot tears behind his eyes and tried biting the inside of his lip to keep from making noise. If Gabriel wanted to leave, then who was he to stop him? He knew this wasn’t good. He should be happy that he got to have sex with him at all. A check off the bucket list and all that.

But he didn’t leave. Michaels eyes snaped open as he felt a thumb wipe away his tears. Gabe was hovering above him, looking somewhere between tired and concerned; he’d just turn off the lights. Michael wanted to laugh because of how ridiculous he was being. Or cry.

But he didn’t. He shifted over and let Gabriel slide under the covers with him. It was awkward, they were both naked and wasn’t sure how get comfortable like this, but they soon settled down where Michael was laying on Gabe’s chest and they were tracing shapes on each other’s arms.

He was about to drift off when Gabe muttered, half to himself, “I could love you.”

That didn’t feel as bad as it could to Michael. “That’s all I need.” His words slurred together before he dropped into darkness. He’ll deal with everything else tomorrow.

Gabriel didn’t know why he did this anymore than Michael probably did. All Gabe wanted was a release, something he thought he could only have with Anthea. A stress reliever, maybe. A good fuck before the world went to shit. He tried to ignore the darker thoughts he had that day, where he pushed Michael over the edge and left him to shatter on the ground. Or the ones where he’d hurt Michael outright to finally get across all of the hurt he’d experienced at his now-lover’s hands. But there was something—a spark? – when they kissed, and a shift when they actually talked to each other. No masks, no pretenses. Just feelings; whatever they happened to be.

And Gabe remembered how Michael used to be. Fun, genuine, loving. He remembered the quiet nights where they watched the sky and how Michael would, very obviously, check him out. The way he always seemed to prefer either him or Lucifer. This whole thing was ridiculous; of course Michael loved him, it was so obvious. So why did Gabe react like that this morning? He didn’t know. He didn’t want to think about it anymore than he already had.

Gabe wasn’t lying when he said he could love him, but he wouldn’t lie and say that he loved him now. His heart was recently broken and, the tattoo of Anthea’s name was barely over a month old. Before today, he believed it too soon for anything new. Obviously, another part of him disagreed, but he would save those thoughts for another time. Gabriel kissed Michael’s head and fell asleep with him in his arms. He’ll have to see what the next day brought.

____

a doodle:

#satan and me #naughtysam #gabemike #my writing #dam im proud of this #i actually wrote a boink #huh #miracles do happen

13 notes · View notes

lnarizakis · 4 years ago

Text

ranking haikyuu!! schools based on their school spirit

before you grill me with my rankings please know that i! love! all! of! these! schools! equally! i do not hate any particular school; i am simply ranking their school spirit. this is also lowkey crack because what everyone said made me laugh and honestly i came up with this idea for the laughs. so, like, don’t take this personally.

thanks everyone who helped participate by filling out the google form!! everything you’ve said i used in this. we will be going from last place to first place, so let’s start!! btw i ranked 11 schools into 10 places, so there are two 10th placers HAHAH anywayssss

10: ITACHIYAMA, NOHEBI

Alright, so let’s start with Itachiyama. I got one person who mentioned them in my last category, which was “any other school i didn’t mention? & why” and honestly we don’t know anything about them. But perhaps the mere fact that they were winners says something I guess?

❝ itachiyama bc the school are WINNER WINNERS i wanna see their hype ❞

❝ i’m sorry who ,,,, i deadass don’t know that team eye— are they from the last season ???? if so that’s why LMAOSNAKBS WAIT IS THIS GERMAPHOBES TEAM ??? THOSE NEON PISS PUKE LOOKING BOYS SOSNSJNSJDHS bro i’d drop tf out of that school if they gave me that ugly ass uniform OH MY GOD WHAT DOES THIER SCHOOL UNIFORM LOOK LIKE SKBAIABSJS BRO IMAGINE ❞ (about Nohebi but referring to Itachiyama)

Moving onto Nohebi: their tactics, as we’ve seen in the OVA, aren’t the most...... ethical. Though, they’re still supported by their cheering section so I guess it’s fine by their entire school?

❝ From what I recall, the schools pretty implicit in the teams techniques so at the very least they take pride or believe in the teams tactics enough to support them. ❞

❝ they be cheating >:( ❞

❝ nohebi scares me for no reason❞

Despite this, they’re still a team that shows solid support for one another.

❝ support all teams because all of them could trash me if it came down to it ❞

❝ they have fighting spirit alright but i just don't approve of their methods❞

❝ their stage play SLAPPED ❞

9: WAKUTANI

Okay, the team as a whole shows support for one another, especially their captain, Takeru. However, from what I recall, there’s not much... school spirit coming from their actual school. From Takeru’s family? Definitely, but they’re not the actual school.

❝ wasnt wakutani pretty good i don’t remembee ❞

❝ wakutani - a solid 8 ❞

❝ wakutani south because takeru’s family carried the cheer period ❞

8: JOHZENJI

Their whole team radiates spirit, but I don’t remember if they actually have a cheering section. Unlike Wakutani, where most of their spirit/support came directly from Takeru, each one of the members of the team had their own school spirit. Their school spirit isn’t that recognizable to be remembered by most people, though.

❝ a six cause i don’t really remember if their school was even there like ???? all i remember is baby teru and his fellow goofball second years that i absolutely adore, i am them. LMAO if i were to— fuck how do you spell realistic THERE SINSNSJ if i were to realistically join one of the haikyuu schools it would be johzenji cause i just vibe with those boys so much ksbsksj no brain cell squad ❞

❝ they ARE the spirit ❞

❝ not serious enough askdjsa ❞

❝ they appeared onc but even when they wanted to win, they just wanted to win to play around? there's that i guess ❞

❝ i don’t remember ❞

❝ I don’t remember much about them tbh ❞

❝ well... ❞

7: KARASUNO

Much apologies to the OG team. For one thing, their cheering squad, while I must admit is very impressive and loud, is not Karasuno High School itself. It’s literally coposed of a bunch of outside associations. And when their cheering section from the actual school does show up, they’re not even synchronized; they practiced for one day and called it “school spirit.” They showed up for one match and that was it.

❝ did you see them at the shiratorizawa match? they weren’t even synchronized ❞

❝ they mean to their vb team and they had a wack ass cheer team but character development ❞

❝ chaotic good but crows ❞

❝ mmmm we don't see too much of the school rlly apart from the vbc,, but what we do see is pretty supportive ❞

❝ LMAO remember during the first season when the school REUSED an old banner for the boys but not only was it a old banner but a banner for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT sport yea lmao that’s just fucked up jsjsj also i don’t really see that much school spirit like ???? no taste at all ❞

I guess their school spirit within the team, their fighting spirit, makes up for it. Again, my greatest apologies to Karasuno. You can do much better than that.

❝ The way the whole school came out to support the vbc before the shiratorizawa match,,, I love them so much!! Also Saeko coming in with a DRUM TEAM for the Inarizaki match,,, like they’re so so supportive and Karasuno’s not a rich school like Shiratorizawa, it doesn’t have a highly ranked band like Inarizaki but like the team itself they’re plucky and do the best they can with what they’ve got. ❞

❝ They have the most dedication to me ❞

❝ they're so supportive of each other and very chaotic, all of them ❞

❝ kageyama tobio could get some !! ❞

6: NEKOMA

Honestly, I had a hard time choosing whether to put Karasuno or Nekoma in sixth place. I went with Nekoma because of Kuroo’s “inspirational” pep talk, which really shows the bond between each of the members of the team, but they’re still ranked pretty low because I can’t get that one scene out of my head from the manga where it’s this one match (I won’t say which one) where students from Nekoma attend the match and a couple of them go, “Wow, this is my first volleyball match that I’ve been to!” Like, dude, seriously? Wow. They also take sixth since their cheering squad, also composed of students, is led by a Nekoma Junior High student. We love supportive sisters.

❝ stage play cheer stage play cheer stage play cheer stage play cheer ❞

❝ i just love nekoma ❞

❝ chaotic good but cats ❞

❝ kuroo tetsurou ❞

❝ deadass it’s 2 am and i have no idea what i’m doing but anyways 7/10 cause i like their stage song/cheer ya know NEKO NEKO NEKOMA like it’s cute ksjsjs besides that i have no idea LMAO ❞

❝ they're very subtle even tho they have chaotic moments, they're more focused on defense while playing ❞

❝ Some of them really care and some dont ❞

❝ they’re all so into it! Like, Akane with the megaphone, Alisa screaming Lev’s name, they’re all pretty devoted. ❞

5: FUKURŌDANI

I would have ranked them a little higher if it weren’t for other more spirited schools. The whole school knows how to hype up Bokuto, along with cheers of their own. The team itself knows each member so well that they’re able to adapt to whatever their ace is feeling.

❝ stage play was good but not as good as nekoma stage play ❞

❝ they have to hype up bokuto ❞

❝ CHAOTIC ENERGY + BOKUTO SUNSHINE BOY and i am bias + THEIR COLOURS + JERSEY OMG ❞

❝ owl boy & pretty setter ❞

❝ FUCK why can’t i think of any of the episodes where they show the student body like ??? school spirit is nonexistent in my eyes i can’t recall a thing— anywhore 9/10 for my owl babies because i believe bokuto hypes up the students ALOT and therefore they are more into ya know spirit woo ❞

❝ have u seen their dynamic? they're strong and so supportive of their ace, their captain, the family bokuto needed - i could go on but yes, i think u get the picture ❞

❝ They love Bokuto so much 🥺 they’re all v supportive of the team and it seems like they also know how to get him to perform better and Fukurodani’s a powerhouse so I feel like they get into it. ❞

4: AOBA JOHSAI

Their cheering squad is so synchronized and so well-performed. They know what they’re doing and when to do things. You can tell they’re devoted. School spirit within their team is pretty strong, and they have a good bond with each other.

❝ fangirls can do anything ❞

❝ oikawa kinnies ❞

❝ chaotic good but plants ❞

❝ i don’t know whether they have school spirit or they’re just fans of oikawa LMAOOO AND YOU CAN QUOTE ME ON THAT KSBSKSJS like deadass it’s just his fan girls ya know what i’m saying ❞

❝ MANNN THEIR *CHEERS* I'M- ❞

❝ OAHAISOAOAHAHHA SEIJOHHHHHHH ❞

❝ i love them for the 3rd years but that's about it ❞

❝ From what I can recall there’s nothing super special about them? I do love how they say olé for all of Oikawa’s serves (but ppl do that for other schools, so) ❞

3: SHIRATORIZAWA

So much to say about them. From their entire cheering squad that consists of both cheerleaders and drummers, to the fact that when they feel like they’re being challenged with who can cheer louder they start singing their school anthem? Absolutely powerful.

❝ cheerleaders ❞

❝ i would not want to be in preppy school but i do love SHIIIRATORIZAWA ❞

❝ they are close like family uwu tho they seem to be SUPER STRESSED bc studies ❞

❝ 10/10 cause have you heard their cheer? god tier. that shit would distract me so much during a game like what’s the purpose of being so god damn loud and extra other than distracting the enemy ??? i rest my case ❞

❝ SHIIIIIRATORIZA (also ushiwaka has his own lil cheer so like yes i support) ❞

❝ i dont particularly like or dislike anyone from them and simple is best so ?? ❞

❝ The Shiratorizawa chant is so simple, so good,,, I think they were also the first team we saw with actual cheerleaders too! Nice big rich private school cheersquad money right? ❞

2: DATEKO

Need I say more?

1: INARIZAKI

There’s too much to say. They’re so extra it’s unbelievable. The entire cheering section knows how to adapt to each members’ likes and dislikes, and will call others out when they need to do so. For instance, when that one guy asked the two girls not to cheer while Atsumu is serving? Absolutely wild. And when they start booing or play a tempo to throw off the opponent whenever it’s the other team’s serve? Their practice and precision really shows. It’s crazy. And I’m pretty sure that they’re the only school that brings their entire orchestra to play during the matches.

❝ according to the wiki their marching band literally works to throw off the other team and if that’s not dedication idk what is ❞

❝ atsumu, shush me anytime ✨✨ ❞

❝ idk them asdas ❞

❝ deadass i’ve been on episode two of the latest season ( is it four or three?? i can’t fucking remember,,, 2 am is no brain cell hours ) for w e e k s because of second hand embarrassment. periodt. like hinata baby pls i’m begging. anyways suna is a god in my eyes, i deadass thought sakusa ( the germaphobe right?? ) was on the same team guess not i don’t know his uniform is ugly tho looking like a fucking germ himself ( THAT WAS GOLDEN SISJSJ IM PROUD OF MYSELF ), and lastly i have fallen in love with the man that is osamu, he can cook,... and he can do a whole lot of other things but my brain is malfunctioning so we’re gonna stop right there. #stanosamuforcleanskin ❞

❝ they have a fucking BAND ❞

❝ another chaotic team with their very own freak twins, i ranked them high because holy fuck that cheering band?? ❞

❝ Inarizaki’s cheer squad,,,, personally I lowkey hate them because deadass BOOING another player is tacky at best and kinda rude but my GOD do they put in the work. Cheerleaders, top ranked band, the timing and tempo thing? Insane. Oh, and the way they actually go silent for Atsumu like how the fuck did he pull that off?? ❞

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks for reading! I’m glad you read this far. I hope this made you at least smile just a little bit because it definitely made me smile. And please don’t think that I don’t like any of the teams! I love each and every one of them; it’s just that some have more school spirit than others... anyways!

Whoever sent this, I just wanted to let you know that you made my entire day when I first read that. It was so unbelievably funny HAHAH

#idk if i could classify this as something that hqwn would reblog so im not gonna add a tag hehe #uhhhh #please enjoy #haikyuu!!#haikyu!!#haikyuu #haikyu #itachiyama #nohebi #johzenji #karasuno #nekoma #fukurodani #seijoh #aoba johsai #shiratorizawa #dateko #date tech #inarizaki

14 notes · View notes

knifehecker · 5 years ago

Text

what are the implications that come to mind when you hear a game is a “soulslike”? for a long time, i always saw it as an indicator of intentional challenge and a specific styling of Combat Feel. it wasn’t really until i did more digging into the souls series that i realized what made the original dark souls so special to so many people wasn’t just the difficulty OR the combat, but also the engaging world design, the use of environment and aesthetics in pursuit of atmosphere, and the integration of exploration of the world and environment itself as an entire aspect of the experience. and as i’ve broadened my experience with different genres of games, i’ve found that this “boiling down” has become pretty typical of all of the genres most lauded by people passionate about video games: your souls likes, your rouge likes, metroidvanias, zeldalikes, etc etc

i think this simplification isn’t entirely a bad thing and, whatever your feelings on that, is honestly probably to be expected when games as a medium have become more and more geared to attract money than they are ideas, at least in the mainstream market. a reduction down to simple reproducable gimmicks is easy to sell and even easier to market

in the same breath, it still makes it really disappointing to see these gimmicks in action. two games i can think of that had very similar effects are “imscared” from the pixellated horror genre, and (surprise surprise) undertale! both of them feature a pretty much unprecedented level of meta interactions - imscared triggered an influx of horror games designed entirely around the idea that the game interacted directly with files on your computer (it’s steam edition especially; unfortunately i wasnt into games as much in 2012 when it first released so i cant speak on the gamejolt version); undertale likewise inspired new approaches to the concept of morality and consequence in video games

art will always inspire other art, which is cool and sexy and healthy and expected! it’s also really disappointing when a game advertises itself to take after those specific aspects of the original games that made it so interesting, and then proceed to execute them in a way that fails to do anything interesting, let alone new. “-like” as a genre indicator can be a useful shorthand to indicate the general experience a game has to offer, but all too often they’re just useful buzzwords to market their own golden ticket to fans of a game that already pulled it off way better . its just sad man

#longpost

14 notes · View notes

slut-for-fandoms · 6 years ago

Text

Paint me yours (kth x reader) PART 1

Pairings: Artist!Taehyung x reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst (in the following chapters)

Summary: You are an art college student who struggles with finances. Until one day, on an exhibition of the arising artist Kim Taehyung, when the same boy offers you a job as his model. Would it be just a simple job or would it complicate your life in ways you have never thought it would?

Warnings: none in this one (perhaps my bad writing and lots of mistakes?)

A/N: So here is the first chapter. I really don’t know what to think about it as i haven’t written anything in more than a year (so sorry guys but now I am back, yey) I really do hope you like it and please let me know what you think and whether you would like to be tagged in the series ♥ Enjoy

Euphoria. Excitement. Happiness. Exaltation. A complete symphony of colors and emotions. Blue, purple, violet, azure - blended in such a way that glues you to the masterpiece. At places it seems unfinished, raw, as though the creator has been in a hurry. But at the same time it is so detailed that you wonder how long it took him to create it. It represents a woman, or to be more precise, a young girl. Long hair composed with ochre, amber, honey and a hint of gold, covers half of her pale face. Her lips are the perfect combination of red, cheery, wine and auburn. An orderly chaos of colors.

While everything seems just as raw painting, the most capturing features are the eyes. They are so detailed and express the condition of the girl. The sparks that make her look tangible grabs you on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings and somehow makes you even experience the same state. I move to the next painting.

Sadness. Affliction. Pain. Torment. The contrast between the used shades is much deeper. Pale yet dark. The more I look at it, the more it captivates me. All of the creations I saw were beyond amazing, complete masterpieces but this one… This one is different. One look and I got this strange feeling in my guts when we anticipate something bad, something that might hurt us.

The background is composed of dark shades, while the girl is sculpted of the pale range of colors. Again, the most detailed parts are the eyes. You get the feeling as if a soul was trapped inside the drawn girl that shows how much she suffers. The more you contemplate, the more you assume that the darkness around her represents the cruel world, while the bright yet shaded colors shows how fragile and broken she is. Is it from the world? What destroyed her? Who made her look like a shattered vase which parts are no longer going to form its beautiful shape?

Holding my glass of champagne I took some steps back and sat on the settee opposite the painting. Thanks god it wasn’t that low as they use to be in other galleries. I crossed my legs which caused the hem of my black dress to roll up slightly. As an art student, I tend to visit many exhibitions in order to get inspiration, gain knowledge of the new and unorthodox styles and improve mine. I can’t say I am complaining as we are given free access to any kind of such events. This is beyond amazing as now I am contemplating the art of one of the rising artists – Kim Taehyung. Honestly, I have never seen him but the critics consider him the new Van Gogh and now I understand why.

When I came I was so uneven about it, all the people here were rich and classy and I, a broken student with a cheap dress borrowed from her friend, had no place here. Everything was out of my league and I felt like garbage disfiguring this place.

“You seem really immersed into the picture.”, someone chucked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw man in golden suit and two glasses of champagne in his hands. His smile was so bright, genuine, that it made me blush slightly, “May I?”, he titled his head towards the settee as if asking if it was free.

“Ye- yeah, of course”, I stuttered and put a lock of fallen hair behind my ear.

His smile grew bigger and he took the free seat next to me.

“Here.”, he gave me one of the glasses. I looked up at him confused, “I saw that you have already finished yours so…”, I looked at my glass which was empty. I might have stayed there for a way longer time that I have thought. I left the glass on the floor next to the settee.

“Thank you.”, I gave him a smile, although inside I was feeling embarrassed, “Very fond of you.”, I said after taking the offered glass.

“Well, I just wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I have left such a beautiful lady sitting here by her side. The champagne was just an excuse to approach you.”, I bit my lip and tried to hide myself due to the blush that crept on my face.

“You are even more appealing when blushing.”, okay, I have never believed I could become so red but here I am.

“Please, stop.”, I stuttered through the smile that just grew bigger on my face.

“Why?”, he tilted his head and asked me with that sweet smirk still placed on his face, his eyes never leaving my figure, “you don’t like honest people?”, as a response I chuckled and tried to gain my dignity and look at him. Why was I such a blushing mess around this… stranger…a handsome stranger?

“It is just that you are the first one to approach me this evening.”, a slight feeling of sadness made my stomach turn as I recall the events, pardon, the lack of them from this night. I started playing with my hands as something as pity overwhelmed me.

“Well-”, his deep baritone voice made me look at him. This time he was facing the painting in front of us which gave me the opportunity to survey him. Soft pink lips, sweet roundy nose, medium long light eyelashes. Skin in the color of bronze and a golden suit that make him look like a god. Aristocratic hands with long fingers, adorned with rings. The way he is holding the glass gives you the thoughts that a prince is sitting oppose you, “It is their lose.”, he states after locking his eyes with mine. And then I’m completely lost. They are just like the sad girls’ in the paintings – full of emotions. I see the same spark that leads directly to his soul. It captivates you. There is love, care, tenderness that make my heart skips a beat. But also you can spot something wild and intriguing. An abyss of feelings kept locked deep inside.

He took a sip of his champagne which caught my attention and made me break the eye contact. How could such a simple action as drinking makes me wanna grab the brushes and paint this gorgeous creature on the canvas?

“I can’t say I am complaining of that.”, I followed his movements and took a taste of my drink, “They seem like they are here only for talking. All of them are just chit-chatting and just at times spare a glance at the paintings. It – It just looks like a gathering of the rich and bitchy class.”, suddenly he burst into laughing. Oh that sound… It was like a soft melody for my years I could listen to all day. It was so infectious and addicting.

“What?”, I asked confused but with a smile plastered on my face.

“I couldn’t have said it more correctly. I’ve met everybody in the gallery and yet you are the only one contemplating the works.”

“Isn’t that what we are supposed to do on an exhibition? But apart from that, these paintings, these masterpieces…”, I took a breath like looking at the sad girl opposite me, “they are captivating. There is life in them, there is soul. Undoubtedly the artist is one of the best I’ve ever come across. Many have the ability to draw, few have the talent to create a masterpiece, something that makes you stop and think. And these here, they indeed convey more than a hundred words.”

“And where do you think that comes from?”, he asks me in that deep voice of his. I turn my attention back on him to see the man already looking at me with a stern expression showing nothing.

“The ability to make a painting live?”, he nodded his head in agreement, “Pain.”

“Pain?”

“Pain. It is always the pain. Why do you think the greatest artists are those who have suffered the most? Sadness, sorrow, ache, agony… they are different than the other feelings. When something good happens to you, you are happy for a short moment. Usually those moments tends to be forgotten way easier than the moments that our soul was in pain. It is just that the affliction we bottle inside us ruins us in the end. The knots in our stomach, the suffocating feeling in our chest… they are tormenting us and we all need a way to express them somehow, to try to get them out of us. And the answer is always the art. It doesn’t matter whether it would be with a brush or a pen in our hands, if we are going to compose a poem, song or just draw something. We just want the pain away. For its tight fist around our hearts to weaken, for its dark thoughts to leave us at peace at night, for the tears to stop rolling down and choke us.”, I paused in order to take a sip of my champagne, feeling his eyes following my movements, “That is one of the reasons why I like this one so much.”, I continued pointing at the work before us, “It look as if not only the model had been sad, but also the artist.”, when I turned around he had a sad smile on his face. For a moment I saw the abyss – full of sorrow and regret, pain and affliction.

“You can’t be more right.”, and once again, as he looked up, the door to his soul closed with that stern expression, “That is why I don’t know whether I like this work or not.”

“It recalls a bad event?”

“It recalls the day I painted her.”

My eyes were so wide that surely they were going to pop out of my head. I opened my mouth, then close it, then opened it again. I was so shocked that I could say nothing.

“I still remember how heartbroken she was.”

“You- you are the artist?”, my voice raised an octave higher and I cursed myself.

“Surprised?”, he asked smiling at my shocked expression.

“You just caught me off guard.”

And then the rest of the night kind of slips my mind. I don’t really know how long we’d been talking through various topics. Whatever felt like hours had only been half an hour once I saw the watch on my hand.

“Unfortunately, as a host, I need to make a speech. It was nice to meet you -”

“(Y/N)!”, answering I took his hand as he helped me get up from the settee.

“(Y/N).”, he said tasting my name and I could not miss the way his tongue rolled and the deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, “A beautiful name for a way more gorgeous girl.”

“Why are you trying to make my blush so hard?”, I asked trying to hide my face.

“I don’t know. I just like it.”, he shrugged with a smile, “Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”, is it just me or he just lowered his voice on purpose while saying my name.

“O-Of course.”, out of nervousness I started playing with my own hands which only made his smirk grow bigger.

“Would you like to be my model, darling?”

460 notes · View notes

lahelable · 6 years ago

Text

Cardiac Arrest

Inspiration: Open Heart from Choices

Pairing: MC x Bryce but also some jealous angst from Ethan

Description: A one shot after Chapter 10. The Open Heart MC (Lottie) has returned to Edenbrook after visiting Miami with Ethan Ramsey.

Author Note: In this version, MC is romancing Bryce and, although she respects and likes Ethan, she is beginning to realise that he is a bit of a dick! Sorry Ethan stans!

Lottie

My eyes opened lazily and I smiled at being back in my own room again. The trip to Miami was fun... well, it was good but I'm not sure if fun is the right word.

It definitely wasn't as awkward as I'd imagined. I'd envisioned uncomfortable silences with Dr Ramsey, or even worse - him criticising everything I did. I expected "Keep your voice down Rookie. This isn't spring break," or "Rookie, are you really going to wear that? It's rather short."

But, for the most part, it was actually nice getting to know Ethan a little. We definitely had a few moments where I noticed him looking at my legs, or he leaned too far in as he whispered to me.

However, it was all harmless flirtation; a few silly moments on a little vacation away in sunny Miami. What happens in Miami... I shake my head and laugh. Nothing happened! Although I had a strange feeling Ethan wanted it to.

But none of that mattered. I was eager to get up and ready, and head off to work. Mostly because I love my job but a part of me also really missed Bryce. He'd texted me a cute message while I was away, hoping I was having a good time. It had made me smile after a long day. I'm not sure what we have, but whatever it is is fun and exciting. I need his positivity in my life.

It was mid-morning before I saw the cheeky surgeon. He sidled up to me as I was checking a patient's biopsy report at the nurses' station.

"Hey there, Dr Bedford," he winked, leaning on the desk. "Long time no see."

I grinned at his easy nature and cocksure smirk.

"Hey there yourself, Dr Lahela. Have you missed me?" I joked.

"Yes," he said, holding my gaze. I blushed. I didn't expect such a straight answer. A joke or flirtatious comment, sure. "Did you, ah... did you miss anyone at all?" He flipped his hair in a supposedly nonchalant way.

I laughed.

"Well, I did miss Regina," I nodded toward the friendly nurse who was trying not to look like she was listening to us, but she smiled at that comment. Bryce's face fell for a fraction of a second and I couldn't bear to do this to him.

"Of course i missed you," I admitted and he grinned widely. I swatted his arm with my file. "Happy?"

"Extremely," he winked and went to walk off. "Although I wasnt worried. How could you not miss this?" He stretched his arms out wide and shrugged.

"Watch it!"

Bryce walked backwards into another doctor.

"Hey man, I'm sor-"

"Just watch where you're walking." It was Ethan. I mean... Dr Ramsey. "Rookie, my office, now."

I shot Bryce an apologetic glance, but he looked a bit pissed off. Ramsey guided me towards the elevator.

As the doors closed and the lift began to move, he cleared his throat.

"I dont know how you put up with him."

I turned, stunned into confused silence for a moment.

"What?"

"The surgical intern. Hes too full of himself."

"Well... hes just confident. He's a good guy." I swallowed, hard. I was not happy with him putting Bryce down and wished to hell the conversation would be over. "What did you want me for, anyway?"

The elevator dinged for the 5th floor and he strode out towards his office. Flustered, I almost had to jog to keep up with him.

"Sit," he commanded as he closed the door behind me. Well, I for one knew who I thought was the most annoying one around here and it wasnt Bryce. Huffing internally, I sat anyway.

Ethan leaned against his desk with his back to me. He gazed out of the window and stroked his face, his fingers rubbing his stubbled cheeks thoughtfully.

"In Miami," he began, turning to face me slightly, "we were... unprofessional."

I waited for him to continue. I was intrigued where this was heading as I didn't recall any unprofessionalism.

He sighed, and I noticed that he hadn't looked directly at me once.

"That surgeon, is he..." he turned back to the window. "Are you and he...?"

My mind reeling, I shook my head, even though he couldnt see.

"Dr Ramsey, you're confusing me. When were we anything but professional? And what has Bryce got to do with anything?"

He suddenly perked up slightly, and looked me deeply in the eyes.

"Bryce? Is that his name, the surgeon?"

"Do you ever answer anyone else's questions?" I stood up, irritated by his deflections, but also not wanting to risk my job by staying here any longer. I was ready to yell at my boss. "I better leave."

"Wait, Rookie-"

I span around, and couldnt keep the anger out of my voice.

"My name is Lottie! Not Rookie! If anyone is being unprofessional here, it is not me!"

I slammed the door on my way out.

Bryce

It had been three days since I'd seen her. Trying to not be that guy, I'd only texted her once while she was in Miami, but I'd sneakily done it at 10pm on the first night to test if she was with him or not. She'd answered pretty much straight away, putting my mind at rest. Not that I thought she was the type to just... it was more... him. Dr Ramsey. And I know she liked him. I'm not sure if it was a sexual thing but she definitely looked up to him and with puppy dog eyes, no less. I just imagined that sleezeball.. inviting her there because he knew she'd be impressed and then flattering her and showing off and then trying to... ugh. I couldnt think about it.

It was 10.30am when I finally got out of surgery and saw her standing in front of the nurses' station, looking at a file, her forehead furrowed as she chewed absentmindedly on a pen. Part of me wanted to kiss that furrow away and part of me wanted to be that pen. I sneaked up to her as quietly as possible and turned the Lahela charm up to 10.

"Hey there, Dr Bedford. Long time no see."

She grinned as she looked up at me, and my insides felt all warm and fuzzy. This chick was doing things to me, man.

"Hey there yourself, Dr Lahela," she smiled. "Have you missed me?"

"Yes." I wanted to be honest with her. Joking's cool and fun, but I needed her to know that I did miss her. I just hoped she felt the same. I knew I could be... overbearing sometimes, and some people can't handle my confidence, but I felt something from Lottie. I knew she liked me as much as I liked her and the little blush that crept across her cheeks confirmed it. But there was no harm in checking. "Did you miss anyone at all?" I said, nonchalantly as if I wasnt really interested in the answer.

"Well, I did miss Regina," she bit her lip and looked at the nurse who was busy working. I tried not to look too bothered but then she grinned and said, "Of course i missed you." That was all I wanted to hear. She smacked my arm. "Happy?"

"Extremely." I grinned, and began to leave: now I had her confession that she couldn’t live without me - well, not exactly, but it was only a matter of time. I held out my arms as I backed away. "Although I wasn’t worried. How could you not miss this?"

"Watch it!"

I felt someone ram into me, hard.

"Hey man, I'm sor-"

"Just watch where you're walking." Fuck's sake. It was him. Ramsey. The only person who could sour my mood. "Rookie, my office, now."

I looked at Lottie. How could she let him talk to her like that? A small part of me expected her to stand up for herself bit of course, she didn't. She's a teacher's pet and she pretty much loves him. What a dick.

I watched as he gently pressed a hand against her lower back and walked her to the elevator. Talks to her like shit and he still gets to touch her. Shit is fucked up, man.

I counted to 10 under my breath as I headed to the canteen.

Ethan

My eyes flickered open and I sighed. I had fallen asleep in my office on the couch again. I rubbed a hand across my face and checked the time. 5am.

I'd spent most of yesterday evening, as soon as we'd got back to Edenbrook, researching a possibly cure for sepsis that Nash had given me. Today I was going to begin trying it out on Naveen.

After getting showered and selecting a clean suit from the wardrobe in my office - I had long since accepted that I would spend most nights here - I got to work on the new cocktail of drugs. I didn't expect results for a while so went on a walk around the wards to check on some patients.

As I walked down one corridor, I heard a familiar voice. Lottie. I took a deep breath, I'd been unprofessional in Miami by drinking with Lottie, getting close to her and, on one occassion which should never be repeated, I moved in for a kiss which she did not respond to and instead she gave me a good night hug.

"Of course I missed you..."

Who was she talking to? I got closer to the corner to listen in

Then I heard that cocky surgical intern's voice as he headed towards me.

"Although I wasnt worried. How could you not miss this?"

I stepped around the corner at the same time as he walked backwards into me. I hoped it hurt. He span around quickly as I barked a gruff warning.

"Hey man, I'm sor-"

Man? I'm not his man.

"Just watch where you're walking." I had no time for this idiot. I walked straight up to Lottie. "Rookie, my office, now."

It probably came out ruder than I intended but my goal was to get her away from him. That, and I think we needed to talk before she blabbed about our - admittedly, my - unprofessional behaviour.

I knew the surgeon was still watching us so I made sure to place my hand on Lottie's back.

A subtle 'beware' which, even as I did it, I regretted. It was this kind of behaviour that had me worrying all morning. It was obvious to me that I felt more for this intern than I should, but I really shouldn't be making it obvious to anyone who could see. It was just that surgeon... he riled me. How could you not miss this? Ugh. Such a cocky bastard. Maybe I needed to have a word with Dr Tavener about him.

"I dont know how you put up with him." I blurted out as soon as we were safely behind the elevator doors. Another thing to regret. I was creating a long list of these incidents since I'd met her.

She looked at me with a hint of annoyance in her eyes.

"What?"

"The surgical intern. Hes too full of himself." Couldnt she see it?

"Well... hes just confident. He's a good guy."

I paused, thinking about how I could warn Rookie about over confident pricks without being too personal, but she saved me from another regrettable comment by asking "What did you want me for, anyway?"

The elevator reached my floor and I walked quickly towards my office. Another save. I didn't know how to answer her question. There were so many things I wanted to know from her. Did she really not want to kiss me? And why? I shook my head at the thought. It couldn't have happened anyway. I was her boss! Maybe that was the reason, that was why she didn't kiss me.

I didn't look at her as she entered, I just closed the door behind her and asked her to sit.

I looked out of the window at the city that sprawled below us.

"In Miami," I turned to her but could only look at her knees, covered with the blue scrubs, "we were... unprofessional."

She didn't respond, but I guess it wasn't a question. But still, why does she make this so hard? I needed to ask the question that had been burning inside me ever since I saw them last week outside the supply closet, giggling and leaning into each other.

"That surgeon, is he..." I had to turn away so she couldnt see the blush. "Are you and he...?"

"Dr Ramsey, you're confusing me. When were we anything but professional?" I could sense the rising panic in her voice. "And what has Bryce got to do with anything?"

Bryce. So that was his name. I had heard of him; the superstar surgical intern who was flying solo already. So that's what he had to offer. That's what piqued her interest.

"Bryce? Is that his name, the surgeon?" Now I had a name, I could definitely speak to Tavener.

Her face clouded over and she flung herself out of the chair.

"Do you ever answer anyone else's questions?" She seethed, opening the door. "I better leave."

No! We hadn't discussed anything, my mind was an absolute mess.

"Wait, Rookie-"

She turned back to me, anger evident on her face. I'd never seen her so annoyed.

"My name is Lottie!" She growled. "Not Rookie! If anyone is being unprofessional here, it is not me!"

She slammed the door, hard, and left me, open mouthed, on the edge of the desk. The realisation dawned on me. She was absolutely right. It was all me. It was all my fault.

#open heart #bryce lahela #ethan ramsey #choices #bryce #ethan #bryce x mc

56 notes · View notes

unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

Note

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

#hell yeah tysm now also i should go for Passing Outs #(where you pass out like knocking out)#thank you Three Other Asks i see and appreciate it as well #oh wait shit four!!!#lol #it's 5:20am bed time bitch all day hit the hay #i forget what i say here i've been on and off doing whatever for the past 5 hrs obviously lmao #nothingunrealistic1

2 notes · View notes

writingsofadream · 6 years ago

Text

Masterpiece | Part II

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Story : He’s looking for heartbreak and inspiration, and you’re just looking for a new laptop.

Set during the writing and recording period of Love Yourself: Tear. Involves angst, fluff, and smut. Multiple chapter series. 5.9k words in this part :)

♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬ ♬

Staring at the stranger beside you indignantly, you couldn’t help but show your surprise at his words. This earns a smirk from him, which you can’t decide if you love or hate.

“I’ll buy it for you, Y/N. If you’ll let me buy you a coffee too.” His words follow the smirk just as confidently, and you narrow your eyes suspiciously. The dingy store’s owner gives a low whistle of disbelief, seemingly just as confused as you were.

“What’s your name?” You demand, crossing your arms to close the open air between your body and his. His hard, no doubt fit body…he certainly wasn’t chubby like the blonde guy.

“Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” At this, he extends his long-fingered hand to you, waiting for you to slip yours into his. Swallowing, you reach out and grip it lightly. His hand is cold, and smooth. His skin seems to electrocute yours, and after a moment in his firm grip you wrench your hand back.

“And why exactly are you buying me a laptop, Mr Min Yoongi?” You arch an eyebrow, pulling your arms back into a somewhat stern cross again. It feels childish and no doubt looks it too, judging by the amusement dancing in his deep, dark eyes.

“Because I’d like to interview you, and paying you for your time seems only natural. Plus, I have the money for it.” He throws the last sentence out like an easy addition, shrugging his shoulders naturally.

“Yea, I noticed the ring.” You scoffed at this, unable to hold it back at how ridiculous it was to be smug but not show your wealth until someone asked. What a…snob?

His jaw hardens and a sliver of the amusement drops from his eyes. Whoops. He breathes in deeply before addressing you again. The words that come back out sound no longer lighthearted, but annoyed.

“Look, take it or not, I don’t care. Just make your mind up. Either I buy it for you and get that interview, or I can pay for it and walk away with it. I was here first.” His gaze is intent on you, and you feel your cheeks become hotter with embarrassment. How did you always manage to make yourself seem like a fool, you thought to yourself quietly. No wonder you’d been single for over a year; you didn’t give off good girlfriend vibes, whatever the fuck they were.

“I’ll take it.” The words are out of your mouth before you can properly consider it, and once they were out they sat in the cold air of the shop. A smile crept across Yoongi’s face, and then the shop owner broke the thick silence.

“So, Yoongs, I’ll ring it up?” Yoongi nods to the man, and peers at you as though inspecting you. Feeling as though you’re compelled to say something, you clear your throat and thank him. He shrugs again, as though buying strangers laptops was something he did all the time. You were certain it wasn’t. Somehow, between his dark clothes, demeanour, and his steeled gaze, you didn’t pick him for the type of guy to hand out MacBooks like Oprah.

“Where are we having coffee?” You direct towards his shoulder, as he faces the machine to swipe his Platinum credit card. Without glancing back at you he answers, throwing the words over his shoulder in your general direction.

“Wherever you want, Y/N. My shout.” The last two words come out with a wink, and he tugs his card from the machine and faces you once again.

“Here you are, Y/N. I’m Chaen, by the way.” The store’s owner hands you the bag with your new laptop in it, a grin on his face though still obviously a little confused. Thanking him and promising to come back next time you needed anything electrical, you took the bag from his hands and made your way out of the store. Yoongi followed behind you, shaking the man’s hand as though they were good friends. Grabbing your raincoat from the stand, you pushed the heavy door open into the small alleyway. Noting the rain had stopped, you shoved it into the bag with the MacBook box. It was still overcast and chilly, so you were thankful for the warm jumper you’d been smart enough to pick out. Whipping around, you faced Yoongi and bit your lip. Where should you two even go? He seemed to be thinking the same thing as he stared at you, clearly waiting for you to voice your decision.

“The cat cafe.” Pleased with your decision, you attempt to throw a friendly smile his way, only to be met with a bemused one.

“A cat cafe?” He laughs. “I could’ve guessed, Y/N.”

___

Why had he invited her? Well, he supposed, she was as good as any person to ask. A pretty girl like her? Surely she’s had her heart broken by some obnoxious jock at least once in her lifetime. And if he wasn’t any good at the questions, it was only a loss of a few thousand won that he wouldn’t miss. Plus, he would know not to do any more of them. That’s what this is then, he decided. An experiment.

She sits across from him, a white and brown kitten on her lap. Sinking into her oversized lilac jumper, the kitten seems to be falling asleep, much to her delight. Looking down at the little animal and stroking its small ears with her delicate fingers, Yoongi feels something tighten in his chest. A strand of her hair falls into her eyes and she tucks the unruly piece back behind her ear. Looking up, she meets his eyes and he coughs in a not-so-subtle attempt to hide his blatant staring.

“So, what’s this interview anyway?” Her voice is pretty and light, and Yoongi thinks for a second before answering. He has to be careful with what he says, especially since she seems unaware of who he is. She’d been a little confused at being ushered to the back and tucked away in a little booth - luckily he’d managed to convince her the rest of the cafe was too loud to record properly.

“It’s for a project I’m doing. On heartbreak.” She cocks her head and furrows her brow a little at this.

“Oh…and they’ll just be a few questions, then?” Yoongi nods at her question, perhaps a little too enthusiastically as she scoots herself and the kitten towards the window. Shuffling over so she’s directly facing him again, he tries to set her mind at ease.

“I just need reliable answers and it won’t take that long. I promise.” She seems convinced, or just like she’s giving up. Settling back into the plush of the booth, she sighs and closes her eyes for a moment. Yoongi watches her, enthralled by the way her delicate collarbones peak out from the top of her jumper. She opens her eyes again, and his own jump back up to her face.

Reaching into the back pocket of his jeans he pulls out his phone, opening the recording app and setting it in between them. Pressing the record button, he starts.

“So, Y/N, have you ever had your heart broken?”

He’s pulled his hoodie back, and you can see now that his hair is black and makes him even more fucking handsome. His question is calm and controlled as he watches you from across the small booth’s table. Nervously stroking the kitten in your lap, you paused before answering.

“No.” He doesn’t seem pleased by your answer, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his seat. As he does, his hands lay out on the table and his jumper is pulled up. Sitting on his wrist shines a Rolex, brand-new and gleaming. You instantly reach out to touch it, stopping yourself just before making contact.

“Is that a Rolex?” You ask, eyes wide. You hadn’t actually ever seen one in real life before, and no one you knew owned one, that was for sure. In fact, you weren’t entirely sure anyone bought them other than celebrities and business men with too much time on their hands…or rather, wrists. Definitely not dark, brooding guys like the one sitting across from you.

“Yea, it’s a Rolex. Says so on the face.” His smart-ass comment and smirk annoys you, and you pull your hand back quickly. He definitely was fond of smirking, you’d give him that. Frustratingly, it made him even more attractive.

“I can read.” Your retort sounds stupid as it leaves your mouth, and you regret it instantly. Hurriedly, you switch the conversation back to what it’s supposed to be about.

“Why heartbreak?” Your question seems to puzzle him, and his eyes leave yours to look out the window into the pouring rain. Outside, the trees swayed heavily with the weight of the wind, Seoul’s streets a mix of green, grey, and various lights shining through the haze. It was beautiful.

“Why not?” He’s turned his attention back to you now, resting his chin in his pale hand. It framed his face, and for a spilt second you wondered what they’d look like around your neck. Shaking the image from your mind, you motioned for him to explain.

“Love is a difficult emotion. That’s all.” He brushes it off nonchalantly, then turns the questioning back around.

“What do you do for a living? Between school, that is.” His question doesn’t seem to have anything to do with his chosen topic, but you answer it anyway. Lucky for him, you’re starting to feel a little more comfortable in the warm cafe. The kitten on your lap purrs softly, the hot hazelnut mocha relaxing you.

“I work at a cafe. It’s a little quaint, but it’s okay. It’s the best I can do for now.” Hoping he’ll leave your life at that, you open your mouth to speak but he beats you to it.

“Do you like working there?” His face seems genuine, and the question is natural enough. You shift slightly in your seat, and the kitten stirs.

“I do and I don’t. I guess it’s just one of those things.” The kitten bounces off your lap, and you pout a little as it prances across the cafe to a couple walking in from the rain.

“One of those things?” He really won’t give up, will he? You look down into your coffee, bringing it up to your lips for a quick reassuring sip.

“Yea. Life. Have to get money somehow.” He sips his coffee, which he took black, unsurprisingly. Setting it back on the wooden table, he licks the drink from his lips. You instinctively stare at his mouth, the way his tongue darts across the soft pink. Feeling a familiar warmth in your crotch, you bring your eyes swiftly back down to the brown beverage in your hands.

“I love what I do. Do you want to see?” You peer up at him. What the fuck? That probably wasn’t safe, right? Then again, you couldn’t help but be intrigued by his proposition. Besides, you had nothing better to do, and the man did buy you a MacBook.

“We can continue the interview there, if you like.” Your answer is greeted by a gummy smile, and he suddenly looks soft and inviting. Just as quickly as it appeared, though, it’s snatched away as he brings his mouth back to a smug, subtle smile.

“Cool. I’ll call a taxi.”

Why was he bringing her back to his studio? He had no fucking clue. As he paid the taxi driver and stepped out into the rain, he pulled his hoodie back onto his head. She reached into the MacBook bag for the scrunched-up raincoat, wrapping it around her body but leaving the hood down. Maybe she just didn’t care about how she looked, he thought, and the rain started to wet her hair. Grabbing her arm, he tugs her into the building. Unmarked, BigHit logos are nowhere to be seen. The company had agreed to keep it clear of anything that would bring attention to the building that held all their personal studios; that way they could work in peace, without the incessant fans and management. Keying in his personal code, the door swung open. The lobby inside was marble and modern, and he heard her gasp at the presentation of it. He hated it, to be honest. It felt cold and uninviting, though ironically people said the same about him.

Walking up to the elevator, he pressed the button to his studio’s floor. In fact, all the boys’ studios were on the same floor. It was a big fucking floor.

The silence in the elevator was palpable, but Yoongi simply felt like he didn’t know what to say. She was chewing her plump bottom lip, and between her slightly damp hair and delicate features he felt stumped on what to say. Usually he never wanted to say much at all, but now he kinda longed to say something to her. It’d be great if he just knew what to say.

He wasn’t sure why he’d suggested it, like the cafe, but he definitely wanted to show her what he did. That much was clear. He liked her sense of humour, her way of putting things. She seemed almost…whimsical.

The ping of the elevator jerked him from his thoughts, and he pointed out into the extending hallway.

“Those are a lot of rooms. Which ones is yours?” She looks at him, eyes wide at the length and breadth of the expensive-looking way ahead.

“Follow me.” He sounds smooth and his pitch is normal, thank god. For a second he thought he’d choke on his words looking into her eyes. He wanted to fuck her, dammit.

Walking into the room was a stark contrast from the marbled floors and walls of the rest of the building. It was unlit, save the grey light of the late afternoon rain shining in from an open window on the end wall. There was a couch, big enough to double as a bed pushed against one of the walls. The rest of the room contained computers, a keyboard, microphones, and a whole array of other recording devices you couldn’t even begin to guess at. The monitors were massive, and when Yoongi shook the mouse the screens displayed various softwares, all seeming to do with music. He ran a hand through his hair, then turned back to look at you. He looked almost nervous, as if searching for your approval, and you felt that feeling in your stomach again. Lit up in the grey, rainy light and the soft white of the screens, he was so good looking you thought you might pass out right there and then. Instead, you felt arousal prick at your body. Fuck. Trying to push it away, you finally spoke.

“You’re a musician?” His shoulders relax, and he leans back against the desk on a rare spot that isn’t covered in sheet music and other scribbles of paper.

“And a producer. I’m in a group.” He points at the small couch underneath the window. “Wanna finish the heartbreak and shit interview?”

“I hope it doesn’t involve literal shit.” The joke is bad and poorly timed, and you cringe at the bluntness of it. “Sorry, my jokes are…well, shit.”Surprisingly, he bursts out laughing. You join him, releasing some of the tension in your shoulders as the two of you fill the air with the sound.

“Nah, no shit.” He walks over to the couch, clearly amused. Plunking down, he pulls his phone back out again. As you sit down next to him, you accidentally read the top message on his screen as he turns it on and goes to lock it. It’s from some guy named Namjoon, and the only words you made out were ‘tear’ ‘soon’ and something about dinner with the guys tonight. Interesting, you thought. So this Yoongi guy apparently has at least two friends, Chaen and this Namjoon. And who were the rest of the guys? Before you could think more on it, though, he turned to face you.

“Can I propose we do something else instead?” He looks nervous again, but this time his eyes are…fixed. He knows what he wants. His stare runs through your whole body, and you push back a little further away from him.

“What do you suggest?” Your voice is barely a whisper as his eyes cut through you, trailing down from your face over your breasts and down to your hands in your lap. Bringing them back up, he stares at you intently from his spot just a metre away.

“I want to fuck you.”

Yea, he’d just said it out loud. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Looking at her, watching her, showing her something so intimate to him. Her stupid little joke, her loud and shameless laugh. He wanted to fuck her, plain and simple. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually had a good fuck. It had been some girl from another idol group, and she’d been tight and compliant but…not quite what he’d needed. He’d booty called her a few times, sure, but things had ended once she’d figured out he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Of course he wasn’t looking for a fucking relationship, why the fuck would he?

You froze at his request, realising he said it in all seriousness. Shifting on your butt, you tried to push a little further away from him but your back hit the wall instantly. He spoke again, less intensely this time.

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. It would just be sex, though. I’m not looking for anything, and don’t feel obliged because I paid for that laptop.” His words take a moment to sink in, you feel nothing but shock throughout your body. But then, something else creeps in. Those lingering feelings of attraction and lust all hit the critical points in your being. Basked in the grey of the rain, hearing it pour down outside, it mixes with the soft whirr of his computers and various electronics. Looking at Yoongi, wearing his black clothes with his black hair, his handsome face with a sensual expression. You couldn’t believe it. You were actually contemplating fucking him.

He seems unnerved by your silence, and moves back on the large couch.

“The back goes down and we can pull it out, so it’s like a bed. I sleep here sometimes.” His confession barely makes its way into your ears as you continually toss about his proposition. Over and over it whirls around in your head, but finally you start to think clearly. Why not? You hadn’t had sex in over a year, and this was one of the only days you hadn’t had class, study, or work in literally weeks. Why not take the opportunity, you thought.

Heart pounding in your chest, you bolted your body towards him, practically throwing yourself on top. Inches away from his face, you nodded fast before you could back out.

“Yes,” you heard yourself say, “I’ll fuck you.” There it was, that smirk of his. This time it was more implicit than the others, the presence of sex hiding behind it.

“Just this once.” You add with a rush at the end, just to make sure he doesn’t get any ideas. He turns his smirk into a grin, then brings his smooth hand up to cup your face. His long fingers take a disobedient strand of hair, tucking it back into place with a calculated slowness to it.

“Works for me.” He gives you a dark wink, then suddenly his hand is gone from behind your ear. Your skin feels hot where he’s touched it, and despite any reservations you had you felt your panties become a little wetter. Dammit. Your body was almost betraying you.

Standing, he started clicking something on the side of the bed. You stood too, realising he was pulling it out so it could become an even larger bed. So you could fuck.

Pushing you back with one arm, he grabbed the underside of the furniture and tugged hard. It pulled back from the wall, the back falling to become the top of a bed. Clicking the buttons back into place, he then reached up into a higher cupboard to pull pillows down. Throwing them down onto the plush now-bed, he also pulls down a single white sheet.

In an instant, his lips are on yours. Kissing you hard, he places his hands on your hips and pushes you down onto the bed in a rush. Bouncing against the soft mattress, you both shimmy up to the top. He pushes a pillow under your head, still feverishly kissing you. He nipped playfully at your bottom lip, his hands now exploring up under your jumper. You could taste the coffee on his tongue, in his mouth, and no doubt he was tasting your hazelnut mocha. As he ran his tongue across yours you gasped a little, and he smirked against your mouth. You felt as though your whole body was on fire, particularly the spot between your legs. It felt like a distant, yet all-too-familiar ache.

He shifted his hard body above you, moving his top half off your body. Pulling off his hoodie, he threw it to the side with abandon. Coming back down, he supported himself with his elbow beside your head. You bit your lip, expecting more hard and rough coffee kisses. Instead, he slipped a hand between your thighs, meeting the denim of your cuffed blue jeans. He groaned a little, closing his eyes for a split second before rubbing a little harder, hard enough to meet your pussy through the fabric. Suppressing a soft moan, you bit your lip a little harder, tasting a small amount of blood in your mouth. Pulling his hand from your jeans and between your thighs, Yoongi reaches up and pulls your bottom lip out from your teeth.

“Take off your jeans, now.” The ‘now’ is said like an order, and a shiver of anticipation runs through your core. He rolls off you, sitting next to you patiently.

“Hurry up, Y/N.” That one was definitely said like an order. Unbuttoning your jeans with shaky hands, you pulled them off your body without a second thought. Throwing them to join his hoodie, he suddenly brings his body back on top of yours.

“Good girl,” he whispers, hot breath in your ear tickling your senses. “You’re good at taking orders.” Fuck, his words ran from your ear straight down to your heat. His head comes back down, his lips pushing against yours again. Opening your mouth for him, the tip of his tongue curls around yours. Now, his free hand is running along your inner thigh, slowly making its way closer to your wetness. Each inch feels antagonising, and the closer he gets the more you feel as though you’ll explode without his touch.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” His order is directed into your mouth, and you murmur back quietly.

“Touch me.” You don’t have to elaborate; Yoongi gets the message. His long fingers start to rub you through the thin fabric of your panties, and you moan against his swollen and wet lips. Through half-lidded eyes he brings his mouth from yours, his lust-filled eyes staring right into yours. It sends a twitch through your whole body, and he presses harder with his fingers. The pleasure is intense but manageable, just hard enough to feel good but not hard enough. He’s teasing you.

“Press against me.” He utters the words so lowly you could almost swear you’d imagined them if you hadn’t seen his soft lips shape out the words. Every nerve in your body is electric, tingling. Rolling your hips, you push harder against his hands and he rolls his fingers less gently. The pressing feeling becomes more intense, and you whimper against his touch.

“You’re so fucking hot.” His words are said roughly, and he latches his mouth to the sensitive skin of your neck. He sucks hard on the skin, and you can’t hold back the deep moan that comes up from your throat. The sensation of his sucking paired with the rubbing friction of his fingers pushing your panties against your clit bring you close to the edge, and you know he can sense it. His mouth leaves your skin with an audible pop, and he looks down at his handiwork with a gleam in his dark eyes.

“That’s gonna leave a mark.” You press harder against his hand, getting closer and closer to your peak. Slowly, he runs his hand away from your soaked panties and back down your inner thigh, and you let out a dissatisfied grunt. Dropping your hips back down to the mattress, you hum against his ear.

“Not gonna let me cum?” You’re bold, but you don’t care. You catch his lobe in your mouth, running your tongue over it and around his piercings. You hear his sharp intake of breath through clenched teeth, and his hand hovers over your inner thigh. Without warning, he slaps it. Not hard, but hard enough for you to bring your mouth away and yelp softly. He chuckles, nuzzling into your neck a pressing down a kiss.

“Not yet, baby.” His words vibrate against you, and he lets his teeth graze over your new hickey. Already turning a dark shade of purple, it was very…him.

He starts kissing his way down your body, making his way to your collarbones before grabbing the end of your jumper and pulling it up your torso. Arching yourself against the bed you lifted your arms up, allowing him to pull the jumper from your body. Beating him to it, you reached under yourself and unclasped your bra, pulling it off your arms and throwing it off somewhere onto the floor. He started down at your breasts, looking mesmerised and hungry. That tantalising smirk returns to his lips, and he wastes no time in latching his lips to your right nipple. Rolling the hard bud around with his tongue, he flicks at it and pulls the other with his hand. They’re erect at his movements, and he runs his tongue over your breast moving down to your stomach. Kissing past your navel, he reaches the line of your panties and breathes out softly against your skin, sending shivers down your spine. Hooking his index fingers into the waistband of your panties, you feel the cold of his silver ring against your skin. He pulls the fabric down slowly, and you close your eyes to savour the moment. Slipping them over your feet, you hear them join the rest of the clothes on the wooden floor. Daring to peak your eyes open, you look at Yoongi perched on the edge of the bed, looking directly at your pussy. His mouth was open a little, his eyes hazy, and his breath was long and deep. He glanced up at you, and you started to shut your legs.

His hands instantly grab your thighs, pushing them back apart. He winks at you, and chuckles lightly at your sudden display of modesty.

He pushes you further up the bed, and you adjust the pillow under you. Between your legs, Yoongi brings his mouth closer and closer to your wet and waiting cunt. Then, he licks you.

The wetness of his tongue brushing against your clit softly brings a moan up through your lips, and you press against him a little harder. He obliges, softly licking longer strokes until he’s passing over your hole with each one. Sucking on your clit, he brushes a finger against your opening, holding your right thigh back with his other hand. He starts to suck harder, and you mewl in pleasure at the feeling spreading from your lower half.

He slips one, long finger in, reaching his knuckle then curling up inside you. As he swipes your g-spot, you grip the white sheet hard in your fists. Arching your back, you push your pussy closer to him, begging him to give you what you need. The bastard grins before sucking hard, so hard you clit sends shockwaves through your body at the sensation. Locking your thighs around his head, you start to pant and let out a whispered curse as you feel yourself reaching towards your climax.

He slips another long finger in, stretching you a little as you realise how much you’ve missed the feeling of sex. And this was already the best fucking sex you’d ever had.

Slamming and curling his fingers inside you, Yoongi sucks relentlessly against your swollen clit. Like a champagne cork popping from a cold, fresh bottle into the air, you cum hard around his fingers. Pushing back against the sheet, you can’t stop the heavy flow of moans that leave your mouth as he continues to suck you gently through your orgasm. Curling your toes, your eyes roll back a little as you let it completely take over your whole body. Every inch of you feel intense, electric, dangerous.

As you come down from your high, he pulls his lips from your pussy and withdraws his fingers. You feel empty without them, but exhausted from the experience. Looking at him, you see your juices glistening wetly around his mouth and on his chin, Swiping with the back of his hand, he wipes it off, giving you a cheeky grin and looking down at you heatedly.

“Get on your hands and knees.” His voice is breathless but commanding, sultry-sounding to your ears. His black jeans are tight, his cock obviously swelling against the rough material. Seeing you staring, he cocks his head to the side with a smile.

Without a word, he slowly undoes the top button of the jeans. The zipper follows, the noise crisp in the air. Your breathing is still heavy, and you lick your lips at the sight of his bulging cock pressing against his black Calvins. He slips the jeans down first, and they pool down at his knees. Then, he teases you with a knowing look and he tugs down his underwear, his dick bouncing out. Holy. Shit.

Remembering his order, you flipped yourself onto all fours, pushing a pillow under your elbows. Feeling nothing, you look back over your shoulder at Yoongi. He’s pulling his wallet out from the back pocket of his jeans, fishing a condom out of one of the compartments. Wishin a couple of heartbeats he chucks the wallet to the floor, ripping open the foiled packet. Staring, you felt yourself get even more turned on at the sight of him rolling it down his length, all the way to the base. Seeing you watching, he moved forward and grabbed your hips roughly, jolting you back. He slapped your ass, lightly.

“Can I slap your ass hard?” The question is new to you, something you’ve never really done with your exes. Without hesitating or thinking, you agree. You want it. You want it so fucking badly.

The slap to your ass stings, and you cry out a little but bounce back towards his cock. You hear the soft murmur of “fuck” escape his lips, and he smacks you again. This time is harder, enough to bring tears to the corners of your eyes. As if knowing this is enough, Yoongi runs himself along your soaked slit, making sure to rub over your abused clit. Grabbing the pillow hard, you push back against him in a desperate attempt to have him finally fill you.

Grabbing your ass cheeks and squeezing hard, he pulls your body back and buries himself in your pussy. Slamming in all the way to the hilt, you both exclaim loudly at the explicit feeling. You moan sensually, while he grunts deeply. He doesn’t take more than a second, knowing you can handle it, before he’s slamming in and out of you hard. The slapping sound of your bodies meeting fills the studio, matching your moans with each harsh thrust. Gripping your hips, his fingers dig into your flesh as you bounce against him.

“Holy…fuck” you manage to gasp out, your eyelids fluttering at the feelings rushing from your core. He takes a hand from your hip and grabs a handful of your hair instead, pulling you even further back. His pulling is light, and doesn’t hurt your skull, but it’s enough to encourage you to move back harder.

“I’m gonna fucking cum.” His words are said through gritted teeth, and you realise you’re closer to your second orgasm than you thought. Whispering “me too” into the thick air, you feel him drop your hair as he brings his hand down on your ass, slapping it harder than the previous ones. The mix of pleasure and pain brings you right over the edge, without him needing to even brush against your clit. Clenching around him, you cum, screaming your release. He reaches under you and grabs a handful of your tit as he finishes, banging in and out of your trembling pussy as it clenches him tight. He starts to slow as he rides out the end of his own orgasm, breathing heavily. His long breaths continue as he pulls out of you, hopping off the end of the bed. You feel a tinge of sadness at the loss, almost wanting him to have stayed in you; even if only for a few more minutes. Collapsing against the bed, you flip over exhaustedly and prop yourself up on your elbows. He pulls the condom off, scrunching his nose up at the feeling. You hold back a giggle at the his sigh of annoyance towards the rubbery mess. Throwing it in the bin, he makes his way back to the bed, watching you with a fondness you assumed could be accounted to the satisfying sex you’d just had. He rummaged through the clothes on the floor, bringing up your jumper and his underwear. Sliding them back on, he tosses you your jumper.

“Just in case you didn’t feel comfortable staying naked.” He gives you a crooked smile and you return it, pulling the warm jumper back over your skin. You feel sore, your pussy stretched and your butt burning a little from his punishing slaps. You feel good, really fucking good.

He crawls up into the bed, lying next to you on one of the extra pillows. You both slip under the sheet without a word, facing each other in the soft glow of grey floating in through the window.

“It’s still pouring rain.” You say, hearing the drops falling outside in a calming torrent.

“It is.” he says, smiling at you with softer, less harsh eyes.

“Tell me more about yourself, Y/N.” Smiling and rolling your eyes at his predictable request, you snuggled deeper into the blanket, still facing him.

Looking at the girl he had just fucked, with her messy hair, her jumper slipping off her shoulder, the blanket tousled around her body, and her head resting into the soft pillow while she told him about her frustrating housemate and workmate, Yoongi could only muster up three words to sum up his state of mind.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

134 notes · View notes

inspirelocked · 6 years ago

Text

Im exactly one month and- 3 days on T

I just wanted to share with y'all my experience so far.

This isn't scripted or anything really, i don't have any particular points i want to say that i havent talked about in the past (if you wanna read my previous posts, go through my '#inspire screaming' tag 😘), but i wanted to talk about it and celebrate a bit.

The ULTIMATE First thing i noticed immediately, was my emotions. You'd think that was obvious, considering it's HORMONE THERAPY, but i was not prepared. I should have braced myself for it, instead of careening down into the mud, flailing and crying out AFTER i fell, which made it really hard to get out of. (Also, a word of advice. Its EXHAUSTING. But do NOT just let it happen. It will not just blow over. It will only repeat every week without active efforts to heal and adjust. It's different for everyone but thats what happened for me and i don't want y'all to get hurt. Better safe than sorry, you know?)

This one should be obvious but i see people talk about how they weren't realizing this til later. Changes happen slowly. I promise its a good thing. If things change TOO fast, it could change weird or hurt. For example, if your voice drops too fast, your voice might sound really unstable and high despite being on T for a long time. This is only because you didnt get that extra time to adjust. And the pain is kinda? obvious, growing pains. Just, be grateful for the slow and keep in mind that change will come

Please stay calm, think about the process reasonably, and come up with multiple solutions to things. For instance, i needed more needles, and i was panicking bc HOW THE HECK DO I GET MORE NEEDLES?! walgreens just gives you more so long as you are on file or whatever. Its not as big of a deal as you're probably thinking. Its terrifying. I know. But it's OKAY. think of which days you can go, so if you are too scared one of the days you have other options. Or something simple like that.

Document as much as you can. I recorded a few clips of me singing before starting T, and every day i record a short clip where i just say one word of Allstar by Smashmouth. It'll be cool to listen to my voice change throughout the song when its all put together after like, 400 something days. I've accidentally missed a few days, but i just made up for it the next day by getting creative with how i film the clips. Its fine. Just do your best. Record random things, like pictures of you standing or sitting, or your jawline or whatever else. Just take pictures/videos of what you'll want to remember the differences in because that part of you is never coming back.

Just stay informed on whats coming. Remember your hormone cycle is nothing to be afraid of but be aware that it affects you and make adjustments to your life. Have a support system if you can build one. Please.

Rest is important. Mind and body are 100% different things, but they directly affect each other. Make sure to take care of both, the most important version of care for both together is rest. Be gentle.

OH I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT THIS ONE. BODY/GENDER EUPHORIA IS SO STRANGE. I've had strong dysphoria since long before i even knew what trans was, or that it was a thing. Euphoria changes how you feel and how you view things. They always say it can change your sexuality, and i was like "mmm ok but that definitely wont happen to me. Theres no way i don't know that part of myself just because im like, a little dysphoric." NOPE I WAS WRONG. Apparently i was way more dysphoric than i realized, which is saying something bc sO MUCH was alleviated, but so much remains. And it wasnt til lately that ive started actually considering that maybe im not what I've been thinking i am. I wanna remind you that it's okay. Its 100% as fine to rediscover yourself and switch labels as it was when you first figured out. You're changing. It's okay to let yourself change

Everything is temporary, and that's okay. Change is positive in ways you arent aware of yet, no matter the negative parts of said change. You'll see one day. And thats something I've struggled with.

THIGHS BRUISE. PLEASE WRITE DOWN THE EXACT ORDER AND EXACT DIRECTIONS YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DOING SHOTS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. GOD IT HURTS TO INJECT TWICE BECAUSE YOU ACCIDENTALLY LEFT AIR IN THE NEEDLE. JUST GO SLOW BC MY THIGH IS BRUISED. IT. HURTS. GOD

Be safe out there. This is me in these boots i got when i was like, 8 because "I've always wanted to own a pair of boots." And ive worn them twice. Once when i got them, and once for that picture. Which hUrt.

I was cleaning out my old stuff in my closet when i found them. :>

Message me if you have any questions. 💜🏳️‍🌈

Good luck, loves

#inspire screaming #testosterone #ftm #ftm problems #ftm hrt #trans #trans boy #transgender #T #side effects #help #💜🏳️‍🌈#💜🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧#boots

10 notes · View notes

unroyal-prince · 6 years ago

Photo

new au! new au! new au! please excuse me explaining the au like a rant. also time paradox au def inspired me to make this au. go check em out @timeparadox-au so like... the prince wishes out loud when he's alone "i wish i wasnt a prince" and then like, snatcher literally comes out of him and is like "hey im you from the future, and i can grant you that wish as long as you sign this contract :))))" in all honesty though he's only doing this so he doesnt have to exist anymore. being a ghost must be painful, not every getting to relax in the afterlife..and then like.. the prince has all these convos with snatcher like "dude can you Believe some people wanna be royalty and its like.. No You Don't" and snatcher's like "well some people think bein a ghost is cool." "it aint" well how does snatcher even.. go back in time? so like. yknow how snatcher's like "ohoho time pieces.. if i defeat hk i Get All Of Them" so.. he does that. he just, doesnt kill her though because.. its like a way of saying thanks ? he's like "yo thanks for helping me with my plan i've wanted Forever but never got time machine magic before" and then hk's like "WAIT NO YOU CANT DO THAT YOU'LL DIE!!!" and he's like "im already dead :)" at first like.. snatcher makes him do little tasks for him, not enough to kill him though because then the whole plan would be ruined. and with each task accomplished he lets the prince have alone time, which eventually upgrades into like, everyone not knowing who he was and not knowing any "prince." but snatcher was unaware fate was still trying to come true. so the florist and vanessa still remembered him, and it was just to see which of the girls would get to him first. the prince lived in a forest now, with some of the masked children because snatcher telling him the future made him feel bad for the lil guys. snatcher, worried about why he was still there and existing, decided to check back on the town. he noticed something was different. the flower shop was closed, and he heard many people talking about how the queen was angry about some nonexistent prince.. snatcher thought maybe he could just go forward in time to ask hat kid about this but then like.. if he did, vanessa might've gotten to the prince, and snatcher would be born again. this led to Many problems. no hat kid was the biggest problem. snatcher was very well aware that 1: hat kid was, well, a kid, and wouldn't be born yet 2: even if she was isnt she like, an alien?? 3: vanessa has an advantage over the florist. she's a queen with probably tons of search parties, and florist is just a florist. 4: the prince cant just go back, it would be super awkward. nobody knows who he is. 5: even if he did go back, he'd be part of the royal family again. 6: no matter what the prince does, not shake the florist's hand or whatever, vanessa is gonna make herself think the two are in a relationship if the prince even has any flowers near her. all seems hopeless. he thinks all of this didnt do anything good- it just made things worse. now he feels even worse about vanessa and the florist. he knows that this version of the prince will die, and when he does he'll be even less merciless than the current snatcher. he easily gave up. he just vanished, hiding from the prince. he felt so ashamed of himself- he didnt even want to have himself look at himself. he regretted taking hat kid's time pieces, even making her sign the contracts. he didnt think about that hat kid might be able to find more time pieces. so what a Shock it would be for him to find the kid wandering around former subcon forest. time traveling is weird... more Soon. yall can ask too but like... only like how they react to stuff. you cant like.. ask Directly. idk what im doing

oh yeah here’s the banner

#a hat in time #ahit #the snatcher #the prince ahit #snatcher #hat kid #subcon forest #au #alternate universe #open asks #asks open #art

9 notes · View notes

tiredrobin · 3 years ago

Note

Is "CLF AU" sort of like the LU AU?

(gets excited abt an ask) hi nonnie!!! yeah so uhhh

.......lu is the inspiration + its a big reason why im hyperfixated on loz as a whole, but when i first got into lu i wasnt rly involved in loz/didnt know much abt it and i couldnt actually keep track of which link was from which game(s) and i got frustrated, so i was like "well fine then i'll just make my own au" cuz i love doing what i want + the characterization in lu kinda irks me. and i disliked how many links were combined into one, also. but those are personal problems and frankly i cant blame the lu creator for being logical and reducing the number of protags

so i went and i looked at the timeline and started crafting ideas for a story (still dont have anything concrete) and then i got rly rly into BOTW and THEN i decided that i wanted to play ALL the main loz titles. so. uhhhhh. yawns rly hard. so i started making links based off of this criteria which is "end of the whole adventure", which means that for, say, ALBW + tri force heroes (which technically have the same link i guess. smh), the end of the WHOLE adventure is after tri force heroes, so thats one link plucked from his timeline and stuck with all the others.

this gets complicated tho because for some games theres... different outcomes. and im not talkin about just OOT. oracle of seasons/ages has technically three separate endings! and since these endings are all End of Adventure, that means thats three separate links. theyre all literally the same guy but theres still three of them.

(as for OOT, theres the adult timeline link who ends his adventure and chooses to remain an adult, and thats an end of adventure link, and then theres the link who remains a child, but thats not the end of adventure because child link goes on to experience the events of majoras mask, and THAT link is the end of adventure link. so, again, more of the same guy, but now theyve got wildly different body ages.)

as a total i think that brings me to 16 links. if i only did one for oot and one for the oracles, itd be 13, which is a lil more manageable, but im just going all in dude

then i decided that i didnt have enough links even though i had way too many links, so i went ahead and added both hyrule warriors games links. og hyrule warriors + age of calamity as two more links. so we technically have three instances of the same guys link: oracles, oot/mm, and botw/aoc. which brings us to a grant total of 18 links!

all of them have nicknames and the rules are that they arent even plucked from their timelines directly at the end of the adventure. some of them, like oracle of seasons link, go 10+ years after their adventure just doin whatever when theyre abruptly flung out of time and into whatever nonsense i eventually figure out. so, like, oracle of seasons link is 30-something, oracle of ages link is 19, and the combined ending link is 23. theyre all the same guy but theyre all at completely different stages of life.

its a big complicated mess lol

yes, four swords and four swords adventures are two entirely different guys. same with wind waker and spirit tracks. xoxo

#robin rambles #robin replies #nonnie #sorry for long reply i love to talk ab this au tho #clf au

1 note · View note

swirlmup · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! Im one of the sketchy huntsmen and im also one of the principle character designers! I worked extensively on vernal and was one of the main brains behind the overall aesthetic of the branwen tribe. First id like to thank you for making such a detailed critique and sharing your honest thoughts, its genuinely appreciated. Id also now like to take this time to clarify a few things.

The Branwen tribe are not meant to be directly directly representative of any real world cultures. While visual and cultural inspiration was lifted from real cultures, the Branwen tribe are strictly fantastical, much the same way the four nations in avatar are fantastical in nature while being visually inspired by real world cultures.

The Branwen tribe's appearance also wasnt strictly inspired by the Ainu. The two main inspirations(other loose inspirations are some japanese clothes and the modern clothes that the original show had the bandits wear) we based them on are the ainu people, and the Mongolian Steppe Peoples, particularly the ones who do the nomad thing in that region of the world. For the longest time actually the mongolian nomads were the only point of cultural inspiration for both vernal and the tribe, and i looked at traditional mongolian clothing frequently during concept sketches. The idea to incorporate ainu inspiration came relatively late, mostly because of a joke from one member about raven riding on a bear. Im a fan of Golden Kamuy, and the comment made me suddenly think of the ainu and the importance they place on bears, and vernal was suddenly conceptualized as the "sacrificial bear" of the branwen tribe.

We didnt lift anything more from the ainu people, or the mongolian nomads, than what we strictly wanted and what we thought necessary, because we also felt it would be disrespectful to attempt a direct representation of groups most of us have ultimately never interacted with or have done extensive research on. Our knowledge is largely pop cultural, none of us read any books or research papers, and we looked at whatever results google images gave us for visual inspiration. At the end of the day our main goal was to take the bandit tribe from original rwby and do something to make them more than just bandits, to develop the concept that this is a real nomadic way if life for them(and there are real world examples of nomadic tribes that rely on stealing to sustain themselves) and that they have been living this way for several generations. We didnt use any samurai or ronin references for the tribe as a whole because we frankly didnt think of it outside of where raven was concerned, her appearance was divorced enough from the rest of the tribe in the show that it didnt occur to us to try to marry the two.

Is it shallow? yeah, tbh. Insensitive? Maybe, i dont know enough about the ainu clothing patterns i copied and used as a trim on vernal's shirt to tell one way or the other. So much the better if none of the designs look directly ainu or mongolian though, since we only used what we thought was cool and left out the rest.

I hope this answered some of your concerns and cleared up some confusion! Again, i appreciate you having such honest thoughts, and im glad for this being shared among the rest of the huntsmen by one of our members.

Also, vernal's tattoo is like that because another member had it there in their concept art, and i simply incorporated it into the final design. xD

Note that all of the following is good faith criticism. I don’t want to shoot this project dead in the water I just want them to learn & improve.

I take issue w the use of the Ainu in fixing Rwby, and no personal grudge to the other person who mentioned working on it but your team was NOT respectful or conscientious of what culture you were using.

The Ainu historically and currently face a lot of struggles bc of Japan’s racism and ethnocentric culture, one of the main stereotypes includes being barbaric- how did you guys thinking that using an indigenous culture and making them into bandits was a good idea? You said there were hours long discussions and feedback but did any of you bother to do research on Ainu culture and the stereotypes that impact them in modern day? Did none of you have the basic common sense to go “hey maybe using an indigenous culture and making them into a bandit tribe isn’t good”?

On top of that- the Vernal design doesn’t hit the mark for someone who is supposed to be Ainu, have any of them actually researched Ainu clothing & design? All Vernal seems to have is the tamasay/shitoki- which they don’t even refer to as such in the concept art.

Why does Vernal look so not warm? Do they know that the Ainu traditionally live in cold regions? “Well the Branwen Tribe moves around-“ Yes for their murder and banditry that you’ve decided to associate w a minority group- great reasoning.

Where are the patterns on Vernal’s clothes, Ainu clothing has very distinct patterns, where is it? This doesn’t look Ainu it looks like Rwby flavour weeb Japanese.

Why is Vernal’s tattoo is just stamped on her bicep? I’m assuming they took the diamond shape from traditional Ainu tattoos but that’s not where the Ainu put their tattoos, Ainu tattoos go on their mouth or on the back of their hands + forearms.

(Not to say her design isn’t cute, but in no way do I clock it as Ainu, the “inspo” is v little & overrun by etsy Japanese)

If FRWBY wanted to keep the bandit tribe Japanese in some way then how ‘bout idk- SAMURAI?

Samurai are literally right there and they’re already keeping Raven’s weeb samurai canon outfit so the most obvious decision is to make the Branwen Tribe akin to a group of rōnin, which actually has a historical basis for being wandering criminals with combat prowess! It makes all the sense without stumbling into racist stereotypes. Make them a warped version of the 47 Rōnin tale if you want an allusion for it too.

I don’t like being overly hard on the snap when it comes to giving criticism, but the way the other person pumped themselves up and claims that they shouldn’t be accused of appropriating / being insensitive bc you “did all the work” when you CLEARLY didn’t do ANY work here. If you did the work you would’ve known how to better design an Ainu character, if you did the work you would’ve known more abt Ainu culture & clothing, if you did the work you would’ve known that making the bandit tribe Ainu would be incredibly insensitive and racist.

I’m sure you guys DID have long discussions & brainstorming & feedback, I’m sure you DID care and put a lot of thought into your project- but that isn’t enough. You need to be culturally sensitive and research the cultures you’re including to guide your writing. If you cannot do that then simply do not include those cultures.

You failed here. You cared, but not enough to do proper research. Sincerely, with good faith, do better.

I’m not gonna add anything to this, rather let my friend explain it in this ask since they are far more knowledgeable in this than I am.

#reblogged #rwby #frwby #vernal #Branwen tribe

44 notes · View notes