#this was so fun but also so hard to complete because i love my taste in music and wanted to listen to every song

[whatwordsmiss]

rules: shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and list the first 10 songs ✨🎵✨

tagged by @emilyjunk (ily angie)

movin' out (anthony's song) by billy joel

damn i wish i was your lover by sophie b hawkins

gypsy by fleetwood mac

the anthem by good charlotte

thieves by sammy rae & the friends

red wine supernova by chappell roan

espresso by sabrina carpenter

pinky pony club by chappell roan

dreams by fleetwood mac

chasing twisters by delta rae

lmaooooo my two personas: dad at a bbq and gay girlie pop with a dash of 2000s emo

i'm tagging anyone who wants an excuse to do this because its fun and music is a fun way to learn about someone

[redr0sewrites]

NNN with the ACOTAR men

🥀A/n: surprise...! sorry for not writing for a MONTH ive been doing this. whoops.

🥀Cw: smut, nsfw, vague description of genitals, switch!reader. teasing

🥀Character(s): Eris Vanserra, Lucien Vanserra, Cassian, Rhysand, Azriel x reader (seperate)

🥀divider: @chachachannah <3

🥀minors dni

Eris Vanserra:

Eris is,,,, lukewarm to the idea to say the least. why on earth would he want to not fuck you for a whole month?

probably takes a lot of pleading to get him to agree ngl, but once he does agree..... HE IS MAKING IT

definitely lasts the whole month, no questions asked

there is no way his resolve is breaking im sorry i just dont see it. no matter how hard you tease him, Eris' only response is a noncommittal "hmm," and a devilish smirk.

he's definitely giving you a taste of your own medicine too- be prepared for teasing from HIM

he'd sneak up behind you and grab your waist, whispering filthy words in your ear about what exactly he's planning to do the minute the month is over... only to pull away and "tut" smugly

he's going to be soo mean if you give up, especially if you challenged him. the teasing is fifteen times worse, and on top of that he's STILL abstaining because even if you're not making it... hes seeing this through!

hes a lovable asshole about it.

"aw, can't even go a whole month without me?"

i feel like towards the end of the month, he'd get irritable and pent up. he has a high-stress life after all, and not getting any release on his frustration can take its toll. Eris would never take it out on you, but expect him to be a little more curt and snippy than usual

once the month is done though? be PREPARED. Eris is a lot more rough and intense when he's pent up, and would be adamant about making up on lost time. you're probably not leaving your shared bedroom for AT LEAST three days. even when you both aren't fucking, he's pressing kisses up and down your body and memorizing everything he didn't get to see throughout the month

i also see him being a lot more passionate at the end of the month. he won't admit it, but he missed getting to fuck you

overall, he'd last, but he would not like it and would make it up to you

"missed me, huh?" Eris coos, sinking into your aching hole. his skin is warm, almosst burning against your own as his tip just kisses that sensitive spot inside you, providing a tantalizing sensation of pleasure.

"f'course i did," you murmur, tightening your legs around his waist. your sat in his lap, completely bare, and his hands travel to cup at your chest.

"oh really?" Eris' gaze is calculating as he presses a nipple between two lithe fingers, rolling the sensitive bud and watching you squirm. "then why did you make me wait so long, darling?"

"mnh- 'was just a game..." you whine, nuzzling into the crook of his neck as Eris slowly begins to thrust in and out. you clench around him tightly with every roll of his hips, and his free hand begins to rub your clit/cock.

"just a game? well, why don't we play a game, hm? lets see how many times i can make you cum," Eris purrs, and you nod fervently. his eyed narrow, and he paused in his ministrations.

"use your words."

you arch your back, pleading for his touch again. "please make me cum, Er..." Eris chuckles at your obedience, before returning to stroking you, increasing his pace as he did so. "whatever my darling mate desires~"

Lucien Vanserra:

Lucien would not like the idea- he'd miss you too much, and i also feel like he has a pretty high libido in and of itself

he'd do it to make you happy, but i really don't see him lasting. Lucien would make it halfway through the month MAX. you tease him once and he folds- he's very whipped for u !!!

probably lasts at least 2 weeks, but after that he really doesn't pay much mind to it

sooooo fun to tease, in my mind he's the type to be unabashedly in LOVE with his partner and isn't afraid of acting flustered when you catch him off guard. he loves seeing you in lingerie and it's probably one of the easiest things you can do to get him to give in

i also can see him teasing you too- he's very flirtatious in nature, and if he wants you, he's pulling all the stops to see if he can make you break- ESPECIALLY if he gives up and you continue trying and to last the whole month

if you don't tease him throughout the month or give him reason to give up, i think that Lucien may have a sliiightly higher chance of making it through the month- but its still not guaranteed. like i said, he has a high libido and even if he doesnt fuck you he'll probably still end up masturbating

when it comes to the end of the month be PREPARED- he is absolutely waking you up at 12:01 because he "wants you so bad". its hard to say no to him when he's being all sweet and compliant, but know that it won't last bc he will very soon turn into a MENACE. if you can still walk, then he's not done

"you're simply divine," Lucien murmurs, almost worshipful as his lips trail up your navel. with each rise and fall of your chest, his sinful mouth travels higher and higher, kissing and sucking over marks he had left from previous rounds in a wanton mix of lust and love. his eyes never leave yours, his gaze reverent and his mechanical eye whirring as he takes you in, observing you as though you might disappear.

"perfect," he whispers breathlessly, crawling above your nude form and supporting himself with a strong arm on either side of your head. your lips meet in a sickeningly sweet kiss, and he rolls his hips tantalizingly against yours.

"mngh- jus' came!" you whine, and Lucien chuckles breathlessly against your lips.

"you can give me one more, hm?"

Rhysand:

i think Rhysand is a bit of a wild card, i think he would be into the idea at first, as he loves a good competition, but after realizing what it fully entails, he'd be pouty about not getting to sleep with you for a whole month. like, do you even love him anymore???

he'd probably make it to at least 3 weeks -> the end of the month

in all seriousness though, i think whether or not he makes it depends on how much you want to make it- if you don't tease him or don't try too hard, then i can see him making it with ease, but if you turn him on? ohhh he's not letting you go without making you both lose.

i see Rhys as kind of a hornball, genuinely it doesn't take much to turn him on, but it's whether or not you do it intentionally that really gets him going. like seeing down the front of your chest on accident? sure, he's horny, but he'll get over it. you intentionally bend down in front of him in a loose shirt, or flash him as a joke? ohhh he needs you now.

PETTIEST TEASE !!!!! you think you can get away with teasing him with no repercussions? think again, because he'll make you come running to HIMMM- he's sending you nudes through the mating bond randomly throughout the day, he's flashing you, he'll wear lingerie under his suit and tell you about it inconspicuously, stuff like that

Rhys is also quite touchy, i genuinely see him being like. clingy. especially when he misses you. what he can't have in sexual intimacy throughout the month, he makes up for in physical intimacy as he is practically almost ALWAYS at your side, and demands a lot more of your attention than usual. not in a bad way, he just loves when you focus on him

when the month is over, he's actually turning into a FREAK. instead of waking you up, he invades your dream, filling it with his own dirty desires so that you wake up aaallll hot n bothered. then and only then does he give in to his own lust and fuck you senseless

you awake with a gasp, feeling a sticky heat between your legs. your cheeks flush as memories of your more than pleasant dream fill your mind, clueing you in to the reason behind your own arousal.

"i see someone had a good dream," a sensual voice purrs in your ear, and you whip around to face the violet-eyed speaker.

"this is your fault, Rhys. i know your behind that.. dream." you grumble, and he lets out a velvety laugh.

"oh, but you'll never prove it~" he teases, but your having none of it. you waste no time in pushing him down against the bed, moving to straddle him and grinding down hard.

"s-someones being forward tonight," Rhysand hisses, hips jolting upwards to meet your impatient humping.

"hah- f'course i am, its been a, a month! i swear, if you don't shut up and fuck me Rhysand i will-" your cut off with a yelp as strong arms find purchase on your waist, flipping you over so that your pinned down beneath your lover.

"be careful what you wish for, darling."

Cassian:

loves the idea of NNN in theory... hates it in execution. Cassian is probably more overconfident in his abilities to abstain from sex than he is actually capable of in reality, so he goes into NNN ready to face it head on- only to CRUMBLE by week two because he just needs to cum.

lasts 2.5 weeks TOPS.

Cassian is always packing some sort of heat, his dick is big big, and he swears he's never noticed it until now. literally everything you do gives him a ridiculous hard on- it's almost embarrassing. its a phenomenon, the more he can't have you, the more he wants you!

Cassian could probably withstand torture, but can't withstand your teasing. just a few lustful innuendos and giving him a look and he's down on his knees practically begging you to let him fuck you, just the tip, he promises he won't even cum.... (lies)

can not take teasing, but he's pretty good at teasing you- although not subtly. not subtly at all. comes up behind you and grabs your hips with two big hands, pressing his boner against your ass like,,,, hey. whispers absolute filth into your ear until he's borderline humping you, and is so caught up in the moment that he can't focus on anything (or anyone) other than you if you don't give in then your better than me fr

at the end of the month Cassian is practically in heat, he's nearly drooling with need as he shakes you awake, ready to beg politely ask you to just fuck him already...

rough hands gently cup your face, and scratchy stubble tickles your cheeks as your lover plants kisses all across your face.

"babe," Cassian murmurs, "its december." you hum, shifting slowly into the realm of consciousness and turning to look at him.

"and?" you tease, feigning innocence as Cassian pouts. "oh, fuck you," he grumbles, nuzzling his head into your neck, and you giggle.

"aw, the big strong illyrian warrior can't last a month without me?"

"f'course i can't. it's you, afterall." you feel Cassian's grin against your neck, and hum thoughtfully. one of your hands trails to his wings, rubbing gently over the sensitive membrane. Cassian lets out a strangled moan, rolling his hips desperately as he begins to grind on your thigh.

"fffuck, hun, jus' like that," he slurs, shuddering as you continue stroking is wings. "you're so perfect f'me," he mumbles, increasing his pace.

"cum for me, Cassian," you mumble, pressing a kiss to his temple and feeling his breath shudder against your neck. suddenly, he pauses his motions, gently pulling your hand from his twitching wings.

"hngh- hah, not yet- wanna be inside you first."

Azriel:

i don't think Azriel would care too heavily about NNN, if you were into it he'd do it but he doesn't feel too strongly about it- however, he is quite competitive, and will take it seriously if you challenge him

Azriel is making it through the month no questions asked. i simply can not see him giving in- he loves you dearly, but nothing will stop him from winning

honestly, your probably more at risk of giving in then him- he's teasing you worse than anything you could ever do to him, only to pull away last minute and watch you squirm with arousal. you're also NOT getting away with teasing Azriel because he WILL get you back ten times worse, that is a promise

you "accidentally" brush over his crotch? what a shame, he's "accidentally" grinding on you. you moan in his ear? he's dirty talking to you in front of your entire friend group. you wear something provocative? he will take his shirt off in front of you. he WILL get you back, and it will be worse than anything u give to him

at this point he's just downright Evil with his teasing- like he's coming into YOUR room, kissing you senseless until your all hot n bothered, and then just leaving!!! Evil!!!!!

definitelt tries to piss you off and get you needy just because he thinks it's attractive- the hornier you are the happier he is !

when the month is over, he's merciless. probably edges you and then overstimulates you for LITERAL hours, still teasing you and trying to piss you off solely because he can. however, he does reach his breaking point eventually, and when he does i DOUBT you will be walking for 2-5 business days because he will be ROUGH

the sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room as the scent of sex invaded your senses. your own pleasured moans drown out the sound of Azriel's cock squelching in and out of your aching hole with each thrust, his breath hot and heavy on your neck. large, scarred hands find purchase on your hips, and your thighs tremble as he forces you deeper into a mating press. he holds your gaze as one hand begins to toy with your clit/cock, his calculated motions bringing you to the edge yet again.

"uh-huh, y'like that?" Azriel smirks, watching as you writhe and moan. "y'wanna cum this time baby?"

"p-please! please Az, 'm so close," your voice is cracked and embarrassingly whiny, your hips rolling against his with every thrust.

"patience, baby," he murmurs, pressing feather light kisses to the soft skin of your neck.

"you'll get your turn. i've waited a whole month, you'll let me have my fun, hm?"

[ladyloveandjustice]

Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers

I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.

I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!

I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.

I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.

Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*

How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*

Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.

Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *

Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*

Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*

The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)

Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)

The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*

My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)

The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.

I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *

I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*

Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: After Hours*, Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)

My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*

I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!

This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.

Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)

SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in the first volume at least).

Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.

One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )

Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.

[mentally-gone002]

kisses at the arcade

summary: reader and steve drive dustin to the arcade… and have some of their own fun.

a part 2 to the previous title-less fic that yall loved sm with henderson!reader x steve harrington 

you can find part 1 here, and part 3 here

a/n: so i sent the first part of this to my bestie and she was like “so when do i get a part 2??” and now here we are with a part 2! rlly it is all thanks to her, because not only did she help me make up my mind to make a part 2, but she also helped me completely construct every bit of this!!!! (did i mention she’s never watched ST???) she’s literally amazing so big thank you to my queeeeen!!!!

———————————————————————

dustin charged into the living room slightly out of breath, his ‘thinking cap’ baseball hat smushed over his unruly hair. “mom! can steve drive me to the arcade? mike, will, max and lucas are going.” he panted. 

his sister looked at him from her book while she sat on the couch at the mention of steve. she swallowed back a smile that he’d go out of his way to take her brother to the arcade. 

their mom cleared her throat before she answered. “you can go if your sister does, just to keep and eye on you.” 

dustin looked at his sister with pleading eyes. “please go, we’re gonna try and beat max’s records.” he said. 

“while max is there?” she asked, closing the book and placing it onto the coffee table gently. dustin nodded. “sure, i don’t wanna miss the look on your guys’ faces when she stays with her top score.” her words made dustin scoff while she walked off to her bedroom to grab a sweater and her bag. 

———————————————————————

when steve’s red bmw made its appearance onto their driveway, dustin raced out the front door and his sister followed behind him slowly. she shivered from the early december air that nipped at her cheeks and nose, so she picked up her pace. 

“your sisters got the front tonight, henderson!” she heard steve tell dustin, to which he replied with a groan that sounded like betrayal. she looked at dustin with a smile and stuck out her tongue. 

“real mature.” dustin rolled his eyes while he climbed into the backseat. 

she slipped into the passenger seat and flashed a bright smile at steve before he put the car into gear and began the drive to the arcade across town. 

it was a short drive but after some light conversation and a fair amount of bickering between dustin and steve it felt a bit longer. by the time steve pulled into the parking lot dustin was out of the car and racing towards the arcade. 

“wait until the car is in park next time!” his sister called from out the window before rolling it back up. she turned her face towards steve. “hi.” she smiled. 

“hey.” he smiled back at her, the corners of his eyes creasing in a way that made her heart beat faster. she didn’t know why. 

he reached a hand across the gap between them to connect his palm with the side of her face. she leans into the touch, shifting in her seat to get closer, reaching her own hand to connect with the side of his neck. 

he tried to contain his smile but what was the use if she’s there to create it? steve’s hand slowly drifts down her arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake, which she’d blame on the time of year if he asked, until his palm rested on her knee. the honey color in his irises were almost chased away from how his pupils were blown out. 

his gaze shifted between both of her eyes as he whispered, “you look beautiful tonight, you know that, right?”

she felt her face heat up at the compliment and her eyes shifted away from his for a brief second. “thank you.” her voice was a volume just above a whisper.

steve lifts his hand from her knee to hook his fingers beneath her chin, directing her face towards his. his tongue darts between his barely parted lips prior to leaning over the center console, gently connecting his lips with hers. the taste of her strawberry lipgloss made him smile. 

the sound of her heartbeat was in her ears, making it hard to think of anything other than him and the way his soft lips slowly danced against hers rhythmically. her fingers tangled in his soft chestnut hair while she pulled away to breathe, eyes still closed and her forehead to his. “we should go inside. the kids are probably wondering where we are.” she didn’t want to say this but she knew that keeping an eye on the kids was the best idea, considering that they’d still be paranoid due to the events from a month ago.

steve knew she was right but he was feeling greedy, only wanting her all to himself right now. “they’ll be okay without us, won’t they?” he wondered quietly as he reached for her hip, smoothing his thumb over the fabric of her clothes covering it. steve pulled her closer to him, being mindful of the console separating them. 

with labored breaths and a butterfly filled stomach she nodded, giving in to him. “what if they come out and see us?” she asked with a quick pull away from their proximity. her eyebrows were pinched together, creating a tiny wrinkle between them that steve wanted to smooth away with his thumb.

steve brings her back in and tilted his head to the side. “they won’t, baby, i promise.” he gave her a reassuring grin, making sure she mirrored it before once again connecting their lips together. 

———————————————————————

dustin angrily shifted the joystick and pressed the buttons of the arcade machine, trying to make more progress and wrack up the most points so that he’d finally beat max’s score on dig-dug. as he played, lucas, mike, will and max huddled around his back to watch the screen with nervous anticipation. 

“look out!” lucas exclaimed, pointing at an enemy just before it killed dustin’s character. 

the game made the animated sound signifying that he lost and dustin kicked the machine. “son of a bitch.” he sighed, shoving a hand into his coat pocket to try and pull more coins for another round; his pocket was empty. “anyone have any quarters i can barrow?” he asked the group. they all shook their heads, wanting to keep theirs for themselves. 

“ask your sister for some, i’m sure she’d have some.” will suggested with a smile. everyone else nodded in agreement, finding the idea a good one. 

dustin turned around, staring at the bench beside the front doors where both his sister and steve should have been. “hey, has anyone seen my sister or steve?” he looked back at the group. everyone turned their heads towards the bench at once. “they aren’t there, dumbasses, that’s why i’m asking.” he clarified. 

mike shrugged. “maybe they’re still outside?” he sounded bored at the fact they were trying to solve the mystery of dustin’s missing sister and steve harrington. 

dustin nodded. “probably.” he said before running towards the doors, dodging away from other kids. everyone followed on his heels all the way outside into the cold until they all stopped outside the red bmw which was still running. 

dustin reached for the passenger door handle without even looking inside, his only concern at that moment was quarters. “hey, do you have any- what the hell are you doing?” he exclaimed, stepping back with the door still ajar.

his sister and steve pulled away from each other’s lips in surprise, both staring at dustin’s wide eyes and disgusted expression first before noticing all his friends staring as well. steve shot dustin a nervous smile while she wiped the mixture of their saliva and her lipgloss away from her mouth.

“giving mouth to mouth.” max mumbled and caused the group snicker with laughter. 

dustin harshly nudged lucas, the closest to him, as a sign for him to shut up; lucas did after a small protest of how the shove hurt. “do you have any quarters? i spent mine already.” dustin reached for and snatched away his sisters bag off the floor beside her feet.

she stole it back from him. “hey! don’t dig through my things.” she said firmly, going for her wallet. “how many do you need?” her question made the group smile. 

dustin shrugged. “twenty for what i just witnessed.” he muttered. she shot him a glare. “i mean- just three dollars worth.” he reiterated with an innocent smile. 

she dug around for quarters and handed them all to dustin when she found the amount he wanted. the group took that as a sign to go back inside since they began to grumble about the cold. dustin tried to follow but his sister called him back.

“please don’t tell mom, okay?” she asked with pleading eyes. dustin nodded which made her sigh in relief. 

“you owe me though. and you,” he pointed at steve. “you owe me as well.” steve nodded in understanding which made dustin walk back towards the arcade, slamming the car door before he left. 

she looked back at him, bottom lip held between her teeth anxiously. steve frowned at her expression and leaned towards her. “hey, it’s okay.” his hand smoothed over her hair slowly, the curls bouncing back once his hand brushed them over. “maybe it is time to y’know… tell people?” he shrugged. his hand settled lightly on her shoulder. 

her teeth let go of her lip so she could speak. “yeah… i just wish he didn’t have to find out like that.” her concern had steve nodding with adamant agreement. she looked away from him in thought. 

he dropped his head to the side as his hand guided her face and eyes back to his. “it’s all gonna work out for us, okay? you don’t have to worry.” the kindness in his eyes made her feel more sure about the situation so she nodded in advance to leaning forward to press her lips against his again. she just wanted to be extra sure, and he kissed back with a gentle assurance.

it was going to work out for them. 

————————————————————————

to anyone wondering… yes there will be a part 3 and i’m working on it rtn!!! coming very soon yall

[dinarosie]

I Was Bullied Too, So Why Didn’t I Turn Out Like Severus Snape?

I came across an anti-Snape post where someone shared their experience of being bullied in school. They said that even though they were bullied, they were able to overcome it, which is why they admired James Potter—because he changed and stopped being a bully. However, they hate Snape for not being able to move on from his past.

Everyone has the right to hate or love the characters based on their taste but What bothers me is how people often compare their own trauma to others' and disregard the genetic and environmental differences that shape us as individuals. I’ve decided to write a long post comparing my own life with Snape’s—two people who were both bullied as children. it was difficult for me to write this post, but I hope this comparison shows that not everyone who experiences bullying ends up the same. The variances in our upbringing and support systems play a crucial role in shaping who we become.

When I was seven years old, I was mocked and humiliated by a group of older girls on the school bus (they were eleven at the time). They made it clear that they bullied me because I was smaller and weaker than them. They treated me in a way that made me believe I deserved their bullying. I thought a weak and ugly girl like me was deserving of all their humiliation. They would mess up my hair, pull it, and ridicule me for having messy and ugly hair. Whenever I cried, they laughed. They didn't even let me be friends with other girls. To torment me further, they would point at me, whisper to each other, and giggle, making me feel even more isolated. I had allergies and a runny nose, and they wouldn’t let me wipe it, which they used as another reason to belittle me, saying I was disgusting. Even if there was an empty seat, they wouldn’t let me sit with them because I was "gross." I was terrified of them, hated school because of them, and cried every morning, begging not to go to school.

But why didn’t I turn out like Severus Snape?

1- I grew up like a normal child in every other aspect of my life. I was cared for and valued. I always had birthday parties with cake and gifts. I was praised when I got good grades. I had friends outside of school to play with, went on family vacations, and had fun times. From childhood to adulthood, I’ve had a safe home, enough sleep, good food, and a loving family.

2- I had parents who loved and cared about me. When my mother found out about the bullying, she went to the school and demanded they stop it. My parents also enrolled me in a private school to protect me from further bullying. When I started having nightmares and trouble sleeping, they took me to a child therapist.

3- My grandparents adored me. I would stay at their house when my parents were at work, and they made my childhood even more joyful. I always had safe arms to run to. Plus, my aunts and uncles cared for me and regularly took me to parks and other fun places, showering me with gifts and making sure I enjoyed my time.

4- My family had a respectable place in society, and I was never shamed or humiliated because of my family's circumstances. My father cared for me, my sister, and my mother, and he worked hard to provide for our needs. He respected my mother, and I never witnessed any abuse from him toward her.

5- My family had a stable income, and I always had new, appropriate clothes to wear. I never had to worry about poverty, hunger, or wearing hand-me-downs that would make me feel inferior to my peers.

6- My bullies mocked me, but they never caused me serious physical harm. I never feared for my life or sexual assault at school. The bullying was short-lived, lasting less than two years, and by the time I was a teenager, it had completely stopped. As I grew older, I made plenty of good friends and was popular among them. I have many fond memories from high school with my friends.

7- As a teenager, I didn’t worry about my future. My concerns were not about surviving a war, avoiding humiliation, or escaping poverty. I was free to plan my life, knowing I would go to university and study what I loved. Whenever I needed help, I knew I could count on my family—they were always there to support me.

8- I’m a psychology student, and studying this field has completely shifted my perspective on myself and others. It has allowed me to see the world with greater depth and empathy. I’ve become better at recognizing not only my own psychological wounds but also those of others, which has helped me connect with people on a deeper level. I've also sought therapy, both in-person and online, and have seen positive results. While I still struggle with some issues from my past—like feeling insecure about my appearance, doubting people’s motives, and having a hard time trusting—I’ve learned how to manage these feelings fairly well.

All of these factors combined have shaped me into someone different from Severus Snape. Yes, I was bullied, but I didn’t turn out like him because, unlike Snape, I was given numerous opportunities to grow, to experience love and joy, to heal, and to find pleasure in life.

Now, It’s much easier for someone like me to be kind and nice to others, to love people, to forgive myself and others, and to move on from those who don’t like me. It’s easier for me to see the world and people not as threats but with a more mature and balanced perspective. but I’m under no illusion that I am a better and more worthy person than Severus Snape or anyone like him who didn’t have the chance to heal. I simply know that I’ve been luckier, and for that, I’m grateful. But I never want to dismiss or belittle the suffering of others or blame them for their psychological struggles.

I can’t say for certain what I would’ve done in Snape’s exact situation or how bitter I might’ve become. But I’m certain of one thing: I could never be as brave or as selfless as Snape was, sacrificing his own life so readily for others. I know that I could never be a hero like him.

[sl0t4matt]

m. guiu bf! head canons (requested)

❀ he‘s crazy about you.

❀ his friends like to tease him about how obsessed he is with you but he doesn’t care. how could he not? in his eyes you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on. outside and inside.

❀ he doesn’t want to spend his time with anyone that isn’t you.

❀ “marc! we’re gonna go out to eat with the team. you know, to celebrate tonight’s win.”

❀ “i’m okay, my girl is waiting for me.” he would say.

❀ you on the other hand like to also go out with your friends, since you never want to be that person, that does nothing with her friends anymore just because she’s dating someone.

❀ marc understands and waits in your bed for you, or calls hector out, since he’s always pissed marc completely neglects him when you’re around him.

❀ he just can’t help it. he’s head over heels for you. you got him charmed.

❀ you always send thirsty edits of him to him on tiktok.

❀ “fuck i look good.” he would say.

❀ but oh, can he be a part of the sassy man apocalypse. hitting you with comebacks you wouldn’t have even thought about. not even just that he would hit you with smart ass remarks. he was good with them. leaving you speechless sometimes.

❀ one thing about marc is he will spoil you. no matter how many times you tell him not to. that you do not need that prada bag on your pinterest board. it seems to be going in one ear and out of the other because he has almost bought you your whole pinterest wishlist.

❀ one of his most expensive gifts would be the catier bracelet that has his name engraved on it. you wear it every day to show everyone off but also feel close to him no matter where he is.

❀ you were so mad at him for buying it at first because of the price and how you don’t need all of that. that he’s enough. but he says he “wanted to” and shushes you.

❀ you’re his passenger princess.

❀ you have all of your lip products in his car. it almost looks like it’s your car.

❀ he always lets you put on your playlist since you think his music taste is shit.

❀ you influenced him though, because now he knows almost every song of your favourite artists and also listens to them while practice.

❀ he gets you your favourite flowers on every date you guys have. you could say it’s his love language to surprise you with flowers. even if the both of you just lay in your bed and watch a movie.

❀ when he’s coming to your house, he not only brings you flowers but also your mom and sweets for your siblings.

❀ another one of his love languages is physical touch. from only holding your waist in room full of people to kissing up your thighs as he goes down on you.

❀ he loves giving you head and tasting you. you think it gives him some sort of ego boost to please you.

❀ he also thinks it’s so hot when you wear his barca jersey while riding him. when you tried it for the first time it was just for fun wanting to try something new. you moaned “visca barca” in his ear, meaning for it to be funny. but he took it seriously and came three seconds after you said it. (😭)

❀ “please ma keep it on!” he would groan.

❀ can be such a whiny bitch sometimes when it comes to waiting to fuck you.

❀ it doesn’t help he would get hard at the most random moments.

❀ you lean into marc, your hand steading yourself on his leg to kiss him. your soft lips meet his for a few seconds then pull on his bottom lip teasingly.

❀ “let’s go in!” you pat his leg, leaning back in the seat as you wait for marc to open the door for you like he always does.

❀ “i-. uhm. can’t.” he coughs. you laugh loudly. “marc!! again?” you shake your head. “you’re pathetic!” you tease him laughing.

❀ you look down at the tent growing in his pants. “you’re not helping!” he groans his head falling back.

❀ “you want me to help you?” you poke his chest, winking. he sighs looking out. people won’t see us due to his black windows anyways.

❀ “fuck yeah. please do.”

❀ like said he loves you wearing his jersey that also speaks for the matches. it gives him strength to win, so you make sure that the barca jersey you’re wearing has the number 38 printed on it.

❀ you’re an emotional mess on his games. one time you’re celebrating that your boyfriends team scored, the other you’re cursing the refs and opponents.

❀ no one wants to face you when marc is scoring a goal. you’re going full crazy. yelling and chanting his name like an embarrassing mom. clapping and jumping like you’re completely mental.

❀ he points up to the bleachers to you, taking every opportunity on dedicating the goal to you. he would blow a kiss and you’d do the same after calming yourself down.

❀ you have a ritual for after the game. when the both of you come back from the game, you would give him a little reward for scoring ;)

❀ though it’s not really a valid one because when he loses, you try releasing his anger with doing the same thing.

❀ he would drag your hair while you give him head due to his anger.

❀ after completely ruining you he would apologise like the soft boyfriend he is.

❀ “sorry if i was too rough, baby.” he would say looking down on you.

❀ “it’s okay.” you would smile, eyes still glossy.

❀ after, you would lay your head on his chest and force him to stroke your arm until you fall asleep.

[writergirlll]

hiii. i love your writing! could you write something about Lando Norris?

Maybe something that the reader is also a formula driver, but she hates Lando. But when it's Silverston circuit and it's raining, y/n can't control her RedBull formula and crashes into the barriers at high speed. And Lando, even though he thought he hated her, he had to make sure she was okay?!!

Pls with fluffy end? THANKSSS

MERCY ON MY HEART (L.NORRIS)

omg thanks for this idea, I really enjoyed writing it!

Summary: Sometimes even what you don't admit to yourself comes to the surface over time.

Words: 3k

Lando Norris x reader /Enemies to lovers

Lando Norris. Just the name made a bad taste on your tongue. He was the most cocky and rude person you've ever met. He didn't have a bond of self-preservation, and when it came to racing, when he won over you, you could stand his cocky smile.

You and him have never liked each other. And everyone knew it very well. Whenever you were around, everyone preferred to stay away. Because there will either be a huge argument, or just teasing, which will grow into something more. ALWAYS.

But it wasn't like you wanted to hate Lando. Back then, when you came to F1, around the same time as him, you had quite a bit of fun. You became close at the junior races, but later, when you were each trying to advance in your careers and were with different teams, you both changed.

You tried to push yourself as hard as you could and your friendship slowly faded until it disappeared completely. And it seemed like forever.

Sometimes you missed those memories you had as a 17-year-old, but you always compared it to this time. Every time you thought back to the nights you'd spent watching the stars together, or your first loves together, you pushed it away by remembering what is lando now.

You've both changed, but he's the one who pushed you away completely and was so focused on his career. And so you just pay him back..

--

"All drivers to the track for the first qualifying!" came from somewhere on the radio and you sighed. The first qualification for this season was waiting for you at Silverstone. It wouldn't be so bad, because this track really suits you and you've actually won every time, or at least stood on the podium, but now it's raining..

RedBull has an advantage as its formula can handle the rain well, or so they say, but even then you're not sure if you can handle it. You know very well what happened to several drivers in the rain and you can't die on the track, either because of the people who would have to see it, because of the end of your career or because of your family.

"You can do it. If something happens, try to find me and I'll help you" Max, who has become your biggest support over the years, smiled tightly at you and you nodded.

"I just don't understand why they didn't cancel the race. It's supposed to rain all weekend, what's the race and at Silverstone it's raining something good" you shook your head and started to put on your helmet.

"I don't know either. But the Ferrari or McLaren formulas have it much worse. And you also have the advantage of having won Silverston at least 10 times. You can practically do it by heart" he squeezed your shoulder soothingly and you completed the helmet.

Max was practically right. You started your entire career on this circuit. You've been studying it so badly, watching old races and all, that it's almost impossible for you to forgot. All this qualifying will be about is keeping the formula on track and keeping Norris behind.

You slowly put on your racing suit and got into the beautiful blue formula. (guys, normally I'm a fan of Ferrari, but here I had to put redbull sorry!)

You started, pressed the drive and slowly drove out into the rain so you could line up at the starting line. "After the first corner, you have to reach P8, otherwise the others will overtake you. Follow Max” came from the headphones around your ears and even though they couldn't see you, you nodded.

You looked around for the other formulas, but because of the rain, you could barely see anything. It was really thick and on top of that there was a fog that didn't make it much better.

The only formula you recognized was Max in front of you and the bright orange formula of Oscar and Lando on either side of you. You looked at Lando, but he wasn't looking at you. For the first time in his life, he didn't start taunting you at the beginning of qualifying. He must have been scared..

The red lights slowly started to come on at the huge traffic light. You gripped the steering wheel tightly and as soon as it turned off, you drove forward at full speed.

You could tell that the car was wet, because the wheels were sliding terribly in the corners and all the formulas were constantly bumping into each other in front of the fog.

There were still 71 laps to go, full of constant checks and rain, which meant that the circuit would be driven longer than usual thanks to the weather.

After the first corner, you got into P8 just as they told you in the headphones, just behind Max. You followed in his footsteps and kept adding gas because it was going up a slight hill.

,,y/n, Leclerc is out, the Safety Car is coming for him, stay in this position and keep a cool head. And watch out for Norris who's right behind you" someone spoke to you through the headphones but you're over the noise didn't recognize who it was exactly.

“How far is it exactly?” you asked, trying to look in the rearview mirror, but you couldn't see anything at all.

"So four meters. He can overtake them in the next corner so hang on Max" came the reply. "Okay" you replied trying to pay as much attention to driving as possible.

Far away nothing could be heard but the sound of wheels and whistling. And this is exactly what you indulged in. If only it didn't rain!

After the next corners, you were still in P8 until lap 37, when you finally overtook Max, Sainz and Piastri, putting you in P4. Norris was ahead of you this time second to be exact, and you couldn't shake the feeling that he was going to win this race.

RedBull has well-built formulas so that they don't skid unnecessarily in the rain, but McLaren is much better with development.

When lap 59 was approaching and you were still in P4, the sharpest corner on the track was waiting for you again. This corner was your nightmare, even though you've driven it 59 times now and even more on the simulator.

When it got really close, you slowed down the formula and pulled hard on the steering wheel to turn enough and at the same time not crash into whoever was in front of you, but there must have been an error in your estimation…

The formula didn't slow down and you started to panic. "Y/n slow down or you'll crash" came from the headphones. "I know, but I can't fucking stop it! It's not possible"! you yelled into your headphones and then caught a skid. The formula began to spin uncontrollably, and you immediately let go of the steering wheel. You felt yourself hit something so hard that you screamed in pain.

"Are you okay"?! someone yelled at you from the headphones, but you didn't have the strength to answer. Your body gradually fell away and the only thing you felt next was the fire that formed around you. Huge heat, which is almost impossible when it rains.

--

At the time of your crash, Lando was on P1. He was trying his best to hang in there because someone from Mercedes was behind him and it looked like he was going to overtake him.

But when someone told him in the headphones that you crashed and very badly, he accelerated even more so that he could get to you early in the next lap.

He didn't even know what hit him when he was finally at your formula, which was a mess, and he stepped out of his. He thought he hated you, but if he did, he certainly wouldn't have stopped and headed for your chopped formula, would he?

There were firefighters, paramedics and everyone around your formula, but no one went into the fire. "Why isn't anyone going there"?! Lando yelled at them and stepped closer.

The paramedic looked at him like he was crazy. "We can't go there. The fire is very strong and cannot be stopped. There's almost no chance she'll survive" the paramedic replied and Lando felt as if the world had fallen.

He didn't know what was going on with him because he always pretended he hated you, but this was definitely not hate. Suddenly, all your shared memories that we had during the junior races appeared before his eyes. All the laughter that kept him alive.

But also how he pushed you away for no reason and changed so terribly. He knew that he lost his first qualification of the season, but he wanted to tell you so badly that he was sorry. That he didn't mean anything about what he did and said to you, what you did to each other and gossiped about.

Beside him, Max also appeared, who also jumped out of the formula, just to know how you were doing, even though he couldn't find out anything.

"Why don't they pull her out?" Max rolled his eyes as he took off his helmet and you could see in his eyes how much he cared about you.

"Because they're fucking people who are afraid of fire!" Lando got angry and Max turned to him, surprised by his reaction. "I can't just stand here...I'm going to get her" finally decided Norris and even though Max tried to catch him by the arm or sleeve, he didn't succeed and Lando jumped right into the fire.

As soon as the huge fire jumped him, he couldn't see anything at all. Just huge smoke and lots of plastic from the formula on the ground. His hands and feet were burning after a minute, but he didn't give up, because if he was already taking a risk, so let him find you.

He tried to orient himself by touch, as he covered almost the entire face with his hand to prevent the smoke from getting into his mouth and eyes. After a few failed attempts to find the center of the formula, he succeeded and finally found you completely limp and unconscious curled up on the couch. Just by the way you were twisted there, he could tell how badly it must have hurt. And still have to.

He felt your leg and gently pulled it towards him so he could hold you in his arms. He tried to be as gentle as possible so that she wouldn't hurt you further, but his hands were also burning like hell and that's why he was in a hurry.

He quickly took you in his arms and special through all the smoke and breeds out again. He had no idea how long he had been there, but when he finally climbed out, he was slowly falling to the ground.

The paramedics immediately rushed to him and took you to the ambulance, while Max supported him and led him to the examination as well. Lando coughed so hard it looked like he was going to suffocate until paramedics put him on a respirator for a few minutes.

When they took him off, they bandaged up some nasty burns and took you by helicopter to the hospital. "If it's okay, I owe you anything you want!" Max smiled at him and hugged him carefully.

"I'll be fine if I don't have to explain this situation to all the journalists," Lando smiled back at him, even though he was still recovering from everything that had happened.

--

You were awakened by the loud beeping of devices and a terrible pain in your chest, arm, and leg. You moaned lightly as you shook your head back and forth trying to open your eyes until you succeeded.

After a few tries, you successfully opened your eyes and saw a huge room all white. And that's when it hit you. You were in the hospital..

You quickly looked around and not only did you see a broken arm and leg, but also Max sleeping in the chair next to your hospital bed.

“Max” you whispered, or rather croaked, and he was startled. He immediately woke up and when he saw you looking at him, he smiled brightly and got up from the chair.

"Hey" he greeted cautiously and grabbed his healthy hand.

“What happened?” you asked the question you'd had since you woke up and looked up at him. You could see him swallow hard before locking his eyes with yours.

"You had a really bad crash because of the rain. It looked like you were dead on the spot because even the paramedics and firemen didn't want to go get you because of the fire" he said quickly and you closed your eyes tightly.

“Who pulled me out?” you asked, a single tear running down your face.

"Lando. He stopped qualifying just like I did to make sure you were okay. But when the rescuers told him they couldn't go get you, he ran in for you himself".

“Lando”? You asked in disbelief and shook your head before looking at Max again. “Max I'm sorry. I'm so sorry” you sniffled.

"What?" Max didn't understand and you sighed. "I ruined the chance for you all to win the qualification just because I didn't know how to set up the formula" you whispered, now with many more tears streaming down your cheeks.

"No no no" Max started saying quickly and started to calm you down. "We were all worried about you, you didn't ruin anyone chance don't worry" he caressed your face and at that moment someone knocked on the door. You both jerked your heads around, waiting for someone to enter.

You were waiting for anyone, but you definitely weren't waiting for Lando outside the door. When he walked into the room he looked at you for a brief moment before moving his eyes to Max and silently smiling at him. Taking this as a sign to leave, Max stroked your cheek one more time before waving, walking past Lando and closing the door behind him.

"So you and me again" Lando said because he didn't know how to start. He wanted to tell you so much but he didn't know where to start.

"Yeah" you answered and tried to move slightly to sit up better, but the pain in your ribs wouldn't allow you to. You bet you had at least three broken ribs.

"Why are you -

"I'm terribly sorry -

You started saying both at once and then laughed lightly. "Say first" Lando urged you, standing near your bed while examining your broken leg.

"Why did you pull me out of that fire? you hate me. We've always hated each other, unless I count the junior races. We never said anything nice to each other and -

"No,no," Lando interrupted your rant. "You don't even know how much I miss our talks together at night, walks, calls and coming up with strategies together. I don't know why I changed so much okay? I don't know why I did what I did to you, maybe I only saw you as a rival. I really don't know! But I'm terribly sorry! I'm sorry for everything I said about you because I never meant it and yesterday when you crashed I thought you died and I"...

You looked at Lando saying all this and you couldn't believe your eyes and ears. You couldn't even say a word, you just stared at him. And when he saw that you didn't have an answer, or didn't know what to say, he continued.

"In the last year of junior races, the two of us split up. I missed you terribly even after she and I got into F1, but neither of us had the strength to go to the other. We were both trying so hard to succeed that we didn't even think about what we were saying to each other. And I know I realized this too late and I'll understand if you still hate me after this, but i really like you. Like a lot. When I saw your formula being chopped into pieces yesterday, I didn't even know what I was doing, but I just jumped for you. And I'm terribly sorry to tell you this now, but please. Will you forgive me"?

Now if possible you stared at Lando even more. Did he just confess his feelings to you?

"Please don't look at me so stupid and say something," Lando begged and you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Lando understood that you probably weren't going to say anything more and that all of this was pointless, so he headed for the door. "I'm so stupid, how could I think you'd love me too"? he said to himself, but you heard him.

Just as he was reaching for the handle, you answered. "I love you too" you blurted out and he stopped. "What?" he turned as if he hadn't heard.

"I love you too, so come and finally kiss me" you said and he didn't wait for anything, he turned to you and quickly came and connected his lips with yours. You grabbed his cheek with your good hand and pulled him closer to your body before smiling into the kiss.

“You don't know how long I've been waiting for this” Lando said as you pulled away before licking your lips and you kissed him again...

[aticklishpercivalwriter]

What Are you Hiding There, My Bee~? (fic)

Link to Full Art (credits go to @lyrieeeee): Sethos/Scaramouche

Summary: During a picnic, Scaramouche discovers that Sethos has a back window and takes full advantage of it :P

A/N: This is the first fic of a series of SethoScara fics I have planned out. A total of three (maybe more) including this one. Though, you can consider My Honey ♡ My Bee as part one establishing their relationship. Inspiration for this fic comes from this artwork along with this submission from @vaporized-dimsum. I hope you all enjoy reading this one! It was very fun for me to write it! Though the title of this fic was hard to create :( Also, proud to say I typed 51% of this while I was on vacation on my iPod Touch 2nd Generation ;) One last thing, be sure to complete the poll at the end to have a say where Scara should be tickled. It is time for Sethos to get revenge~

Word Count: 2561

Also on AO3!

—

Sethos and Scaramouche were having a picnic. Scara initially refused but eventually gave in because of Sethos’ persistence. So here he was, running his fingers through his lover’s hair and feeling the soft strands.

“Having fun over there, honey~” Sethos teased.

Are you having fun with my hat, annoying bee?” Scara huffed.

“Aw, still sulky about having a picnic with me?”

“You are so annoying.”

Wanderer refused to admit that he was actually enjoying this mundane activity of a picnic.

“Lighten up. Here,” the leader of the Temple of Silence set down Scara’s hat and turned around, handing him one of the cooked dishes he packed. “You haven’t eaten yet. Try my signature dish. I know you’ll like it.”

“And what makes you think I’ll like your cooking?” he asked, dropping Sethos’ hair in annoyed disappointment. Why do I like his hair so much?

“Because I only make the best of the best for my boyfriend!~”

“Tch,” he felt his face start to heat up and grabbed the food from Sethos’ hands to hide his incoming blush.

“Stop saying words like that,” he mumbled, taking a bite from his boyfriend’s cooking.

Oh shit. It’s good.

The former god’s eyes widened in disbelief at the explosion of tastes hitting him as he took another bite.

“So, you like it?”

“It’s really-” he was about to compliment him, but he saw the smug look in his eyes.

“Actually, it’s really terrible.”

“Now, now love~” Sethos singsonged. “I know you’re lying. I saw the look in your eyes~”

“You saw nothing.”

“What about that bite you just took?”

“That was for your pride, so it won’t take a hit.”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Wan,” Sethos laughed and leaned on him.

“Hmph,” he grumbled.

Sethos dropped his teasing and went to grab and admire his lover's hat instead. Laying on his belly, his long locks covering his entire back.

“What’s your deal with my hat anyway?” Scara asked, ignoring the craving to just comb his fingers through his bee’s hair.

“It’s so cool! The patterns, ornaments, and accessories are so detailed!”

“If you want it, you can take it.”

“Really?!”

Sethos giddily grinned, putting his lover’s hat on with a cheeky smirk as he faced him.

“You want to use my hat as an umbrella?” Sethos imitated him.

“That’s not how-”

“The fucking audacity to make that request.”

Sethos burst out laughing and fell forward into Scara's lap.

“That’s not how I sound like,” Scara glared at him.

“Noho, that is hohow you sound lihike.”

Sethos continued to laugh, making Scara’s hat fall off and parting his long locks. Scara’s eyes widened when he saw a sliver of skin shine in the sunlight.

“I didn’t know you had a back window,” he reached out in awe. “Why do you even-”

“HYAHAHA!”

He jolted in his lover’s lap, letting out a bright shrill of laughter, distinct from his laughing right before.

“That was…uh…” Sethos’ eyes darted up towards his lover who had a hint of mischief running through his eyes.

“What are you hiding there, my bee~?”

“Eek! I-I gotta head out now. Haha! N-Need to run some errands so bye!”

Sethos made a run for it, activating his Electro powers. Wanderer just watched him, slowly getting up and picking up his hat. A shit-eating grin grew on his face. It hasn’t even been a week since he tickled Sethos, but he has been craving to hear his delicious laughter and just get his hands on him.

“Get back here, little bee~”

Sethos felt shivers travel down his spine as he heard those words and ran even faster. He saw Wanderer’s shadow in front of him and went into panic mode.

“I’m getting closer, love~,” he heard from above.

“N-No you’re nohohot!” he squeaked out, reversing his direction to throw his pursuer off.

But he knows he’s winning a losing battle. The sounds of Wanderer’s clothing becoming louder with each passing second.

Scara was having the time of his life making Sethos let out little squeaks and giggles trying to run away from him. He also had a great view of his physique and his muscular arms. The way the sweat made his skin glisten and- What am I thinking!? He shook his head and eyed his prize, the back window. His lover’s hair swayed back and forth, his back window coming in and out of view as if teasing Scara.

“Dumb little bee,” he huffed to himself.

By now, he was right on top of Sethos and smirked devilishly.

“Coming down~”

Sethos didn’t have time to react as he was tackled down to the ground from above.

“Oof! Hon- Whoa-whoa-whoaah!”

Sethos lost his footing and Wanderer managed to shield his head in his arms right before they started tumbling down the hill. Thankfully it was a grassy hill as they rolled and rolled until they reached the bottom.

“Ugh,” Sethos groaned, face down in the grass as he turned his face to the side once he felt Scara get off him. “At least it wasn’t saAHAHAHA-!”

Sethos let out a shriek as he felt a finger scratch the patch of skin exposed on his back.

“MoCHIHIhi!” He tried raising himself but immediately felt his lover straddle him and a sudden squeeze on his sides. “EYAHAHAHA!”

His hands gave out and his body shook with laughter as Wanderer scribbled his fingers over his back.

“Ihihi dihihidn’t eheheven dohoho ahahanythihihing! Why ahaham ihihi gehehetihing tihihickled?”

“Oh, you did do something, little bee,” he said, grazing his fingers against his clothed shoulder blades. Eheheheek!

Wanderer couldn’t help but chuckle at Sethos’ reactions. He’s cute when he laughs and giggles like this.

“Whahat dihihid ihihi- WAHAHAIT!” Sethos yelped when he felt Scara lift up his clothing, exposing his back to the warm breeze. “Hohonehehey! Dohohon’t dohoho ihihit! Plehehease!

“Do what?”

“Tihihihickle mehehe! Whahat elSEHEHE- NOHOHOHAHAHA!”

“I thought you would never ask~”

His devious lover smirked as he now properly tickled his back. His fingers scribbled over the ticklish real estate.

“WAHAHA! T-ThAHAt’s NOHOHOT waHAHAt I MEAhaHANT!”

“You said, ‘Tickle me,’ didn’t you? What else am I supposed to do, not tickle you? You asked for it, little bee~” Scara smirked, planting kisses on the ticklish skin as his fingers trailed down his spine.

Sethos shook his head in ticklish mirth, grass falling out of his hair as he tried to reach behind him to fend off Scara’s fingers but to no avail.

“Youhu arEHEHE usIHIHing myhy wohohords aga- AHAHAHA! ahahagainst MEHEHE, MOCHIHIHI!”

He scoffed, “Since you care so much about words, try to spell what I’m writing then.”

He slid his fingers meticulously across his lover’s back, focusing on his shoulder blades.

“AHAHAHA!” Sethos screeched. “IHIHI’M NOHOHOT REHEHEHADY!”

“Wrong answer~” Scara grinned, squeezing his side.

“NAHAHA! OkaHAHAY! OkAHay! Uhh, ehehe! ‘L’ Ahaha! ‘O-’ GAHAHA! NOHOHO!” Sethos let out a loud laugh when Scara traced the third letter on his spine.

“You want to give up?”

“NEHEHEVER! ‘VehEHEHE!’”

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you~”

“‘VEHEHE!’ ’V!’ aHAHand ‘EHEHE!’ ‘E!’ MOCHIHIHI!”

“And it spells?”

“LOHOHOHOVE!”

“Wha-”

“LOVE! LOHOHOVE! LOVEHEHE!”

Scara’s hands stilled in surprise, not expecting him to answer correctly.

“Yeah,” he said, continuing his onslaught of scribbles. Hehehey! Ihihihi answerehehed correhehectly! “How about this one?” he asked, ignoring his lover’s protests.

He increased the pressure of his writing and instead of letters, he started drawing a few shapes.

“WHAhahat arehehe thOHOSE!? ThOHose areHEhen’t WOHOHORDS! AHAHAHA!”

“Well, use letters to create a word to name them. Shouldn’t be too hard since you are a master spelling bee, aren’t you~?” Scara knows he is being cruel, but he can’t help but want to take victory in this game.

Sethos had tears of mirth threatening to fall but that wasn’t going to make him back down from the challenge. He tried to focus, focusing on his lover’s fingers. How they know their way to make him laugh and draw out the reactions they want.

“NOHOHOHOT THAHAHAT FOHOCUS!” he pounded his fists into the ground as a guffaw of laughter left his lips.

His lover just raised an eyebrow in amusement, fluttering the feather on his vision in place of his fingers and enjoying the way his back repeatedly arched up and down.

Ticklish shocks ran through Sethos’ body, but he wasn’t ready to give up. He focused once again, visualizing the shapes that Scara was tracing on his back. A circle, ahahaha! He’s merciless! Nehehe, a heart. And…a zig-zag? Heheahaha! Darn, my ticklish back!

“Ahaha! A ciRIHIcleHE! CIRCLEHE! HEART! AHAHAHAND! ZIHIHIG-ZAHAHAG! ZIG-ZAHAG!”

Scara was yet again surprised, more so than last time.

Shit, he is really good at this. Tch, I’ll just need to trick him then. Use his ability to my advantage.

“Dihihid Ihihi wihihin?” Sethos giggled, a hint of smugness laced in his voice.

“You are a cocky, little bee,” Scara dug into the back of his ribs in punishment.

“HAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHA! I’M SOHOHOHRRY! I’M SORREHEHEY! I’M SAHAHAHARRY! NAHAHAHA!”

Scara roughly tickled him for a couple more minutes before letting up.

“Nohoho mohohore, plehehease!”

“Serves you right.”

Scara placed his hands on his lover’s back once more, making him yelp in surprise.

“Mohohore?” he whined.

“Mhm,” Scara hummed. “You guess this right, you win.”

Scara traced Sethos’ back more lightly this time, almost like a caress. Sethos happily giggled, his head resting on his arm as he turned to the side with a carefree smile on his face.

“Thihihis ihihis prehehetty nihihice, ehehe.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Scara said, tracing down his spine.

He twitched in Scara’s hold in surprise. “AHAHahaHA! OhHOHo rigHIhigHT!”

Scara snorted and started tracing the letters again.

“’Tehehe’ ‘Ihi’ uhuhum ‘C’ ‘KehHEHE’ ‘L-Ehehe’ ahahAHA! ‘M’ ‘Ehe!’”

“And what does that spell?” A smug expression crossed Scara’s face as he continued his soft tracing.

“Ahahahaehehe! ‘Tihihickle Mehe!’”

“Come again, little bee~” Scara teased, stopping his tracing.

“Tickle Me!”

A beat passed before Sethos’ eyes widened like saucers in realization and he turned to look at him.

“Honey. You are so eHEHEVIHIHIL! NAHAHAHA!”

He shoved his face back into his arm as Scara ruthlessly scribbled his fingers on his skin.

“I honestly can’t believe you fell for it twice, my ticklish bee~”

“YOUHUHUHU WEHEHEHERE DIHIHISTRAHACTING MEHEHE! I-I COHOHOULDN’T THI- AHAHAHAHA! THINK!”

“Doesn’t change the fact you still said it,” he stuck out his tongue at him even though he couldn’t see him.

“MOCHIHIHI!” he shrieked when he felt him target the spot where his back window would be if his clothing were not lifted up. “YOUHUHU PLAHAHAYED DIHIHIRTY!”

“How could I have played dirty? You correctly said the two words I was drawing, and you won.”

“WEHEHELL, HAHAHAHA! Y-YOUHUHU STIHIHILL PLAHAHAYED DIHIHIRTY! THIHIHIS IHIHIS YOUR EXCUSEHE TOHOHO TIHIHICKLE MEHEHEHE! YOUHU JUHUST COUHULDN’T ACCEHEPT THE FAHACT I WAS BEHEATING YOUHU AT YOUR OHOWN GAHAME! AHAM IHIHI RIGHIT?”

The tickling suddenly stopped and Sethos gulped in some much-needed air. He took the time to catch his breath and regain his energy. A few minutes passed of him just panting and the wind brushing the blades of grass around them. It was then that Sethos realized that Wanderer, who was still on top of him, wasn’t saying anything.

“Lov-Ow!”

Scara suddenly shifted forward and nipped at his ear.

“What was-”

“You just couldn’t keep your mouth shut, could you?” Scara directly whispered into his ear making him shudder. His voice was much deeper and threatening, making Sethos gulp in nervousness.

"You want to see how I really play dirty?”

Sethos could hear the smirk in his voice, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Whether they were from excitement or fear or even both, he didn’t know. He tried to speak but no words came out.

“Where is all that bravado now, my bee?”

Scara grabbed Sethos’ chin and turned his head towards him. Sethos saw the look in his lover’s eyes and audibly gulped, heart pounding in his chest. Scara's violet eyes shined with hunger and that smirk turned into a devilish grin when he saw his reaction.

“I have one word for you,” he leaned even closer to him, making him squirm in his hold. “Raspberries.”

Before Sethos could even process what he said, he immediately succumbed to laughter with Scara blowing raspberry after raspberry on his back.

“BWAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! HOHOHON- AHAHAHAHA! PLE- HAHAHAHA!” Sethos couldn’t even finish his words as Wanderer mercilessly wrecked him with raspberries.

“Pfft!” His spine.

“NAHAHAHAHA!”

“PfFFTt!” His shoulder blades.

“GAHAHAHAHA!”

“PFFFFTTT!” His back window.

“BWAHAHAHAHA!”

And to make matters worse for him, he started drilling his fingers into his sides and armpits along with scribbles on the back of his ribs.

“EYAHAHAHAHA!”

Sethos was in hysterics as he pounded the ground with his fists and kicked his legs out.

“SCA- AHAHAHAHAHA! SCAHAHAHA- HAHAHAHA! SCAHAHAHARAHAHAHA!”

“That is my name, ticklish bee.”

“STAHAHAHAHAHAP! I-I’M GONNA DIEHEHEHE! AHAHAHAHAHA!

“Apologize.”

“I-I CAHAHAHAN’T- GAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Guess you chose death.”

“NOHOHOHO! WAI- AHAHA! WAHAHAHAIT! OKAHAHAHAY! I-I’M SOHOHOHORRY FOHOHOR SAHAHAYING THOHOHOSE THIHIHINGS TOHOHOHO YOUHUHU!”

“Hmm.”

“WHAHAHAHAT EHEHEHELSE DO YOUHUHU WAHAHAHANT MEHEHEHE TOHOHOHO- BWAHAHAHA! NOHOHOT THEHEHERE! STAHAHAHAP!”

“Beg.”

“WAHAHAHAHAT?”

“Plead for it, nicely.”

“AHAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHO WAHAHAHAY! snort D-DOHOHOHOHON’T- GAHAHAHAHAHA! snort”

“I’m waiting~”

“N-NEHEHEHEVER! Y-YOU- snort NAHAHAHA W-WOHOHON'T GEHEHET IHIHIT OHOUT OHOF MEHEHE!"

"Oh, you're going to wish you never said those words. Laugh before me, my ticklish bee~"

Scara mustered all the breath he could take before letting out the biggest and loudest raspberry he could right on poor Sethos' back window and repeating it over and over all while spidering his fingers all over the rest of his back. The last of Sethos' defense came tumbling down soon after.

"GAHAHAHAHA! snort NONONOHOHOHO! FINE! snort FHIHIHINE! WAHAHAHANDEHEHE! STAHAHAHAP! PLEHEHEHEASE! snort SCAHAHAHAHARA! MYHYHY BELOHOHOVED HOHOHONEHEY! I’M BEHEHEHEGGING YOUHUHU! snort BWAHAHAHAHA! IHIHIT’S TOHOHOHOO MUHUHUHCH! snort PLEHEHEASE! HAHAHAVE MEHEHEHERCY! MEHEHERCEHEHEHEY!”

Oh my archons, he is so adorable.

Scara smiled endearingly at him, at last giving him mercy. He trailed little kisses and raspberries from his back to his neck and eventually turned him over onto his back and went in for a slow, sensual kiss which Sethos immediately melted into.

“Mmm~ Scaraah~ mmph~”

“Mm~ Sethohh~ Hahh~”

They made out for a few minutes, combing their fingers through each other’s hair and exploring each other’s mouths before pulling away. Breathless, they stared at one another taking in each other’s flushed face before Sethos started giggling.

“Your tickling was ruthless!” Sethos managed to say in between giggles.

“But you liked it~”

Sethos looked away blushing but didn’t deny it.

Wanderer chuckled, lifting himself up and picking Sethos up bridal style.

“Let’s finish our picnic.”

“Oh, when did you become such a romantic?~ Ack! Sohohorry!”

“If you don’t shut up, I won’t do this again.”

He was blushing and looking straight ahead as he went up the hill. Sethos glanced at him before closing his eyes in exhaustion with an understanding smile on his face.

“I love you, honey.”

A smile tugged at Scara’s lips.

“I love you too, bee.”

Sethos fell asleep in his arms soon after and curled in towards his chest. He shook his head fondly.

“Let’s go home instead.”

He silently called upon the Aranara to pack up their things and that he’d pick them up later. After thanking them, he set off towards their home and he looked back down at Sethos’ sleeping form. He smiled lovingly at him and planted a kiss on his temple.

“Sleep well, my lovely, ticklish bee.”

—

Google Form Link!

[wordstome]

Last night I did what I always do when I can’t fall asleep: think about fictional men. Here’s a list of wonderful stories written by incredibly talented people who have helped me think about fictional men by providing the most delicious playgrounds.

In the interest of keeping my recommendations brief, I'm going to talk about what I liked about the fic instead of summarizing what it's about. To know what it's actually about you're just gonna have to click through and read the fic <3

(and just in case anybody's gotten lost, this is all COD, mostly modern MW)

✦ complete ║ ➠ ongoing

König

✦Just Friends by @kneelingshadowsalome Salome is so good at capturing a very unique interplay between König’s social awkwardness and his deep, dark, nasty inclinations. He’s so feral and enjoyable to read, and the sheer force of his desire for Engel is downright intoxicating. I find it difficult to describe how much of an impact Just Friends has had on me and my portrayal of König, to be honest. There's a reason why three of Salome's fics are on this rec list.

✦Fatum Nos Iungebit by kneelingshadowsalome Five words. König with his cock out. That's it. Okay, but in all seriousness, I love his character applied to this setting. All the raw visceral violence a König could ever want, a pretty little lady in his bed—he's so boyish and happy in this au it brings me such joy. The way their relationship between him and Fee develops is so natural and so sweet. Please for the love of God read this.

➠Cat/Mouse/Den by @papaver-decervicatus The chase. The pursuit. The adrenaline when Mouse dances out of König's reach once more. I'm a little biased because I adore Julius and Jenny (I could call her Lucretia but the double J names make me giggle) as ocs already, but CMD is so, so well written. The tension, the flirting, the scene where he catches her falling out of the tree?! As I said in a reblog, I shrieked. You know when you're reading something that's so good you want to bite down on it and shake like a dog with a toy? (No? Just me?) That's how I feel about CMD.

➠Anything by @darklordofthesimp Anything, in only 7 chapters (they are hefty, don’t get me wrong), has turned König and Birdy’s dynamic from “THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS IRREVERSIBLY SCARRED MY BODY AND MY BRAIN, AND I CANNOT TRUST HIM” to “these two are going to get married someday”. (author if you’re reading this, I say that not as an expectation or prediction, but as a vibe reading.) This one is for the hurt/comfort girlies. Also, shoutout to all the other stories set in the Anything-verse. Sunshine and Ghost are just soooo *grips my hand in a fist so hard it shakes*

➠If you need to be mean by @gremlingottoosilly This mostly serves as a blanket recommendation for all of Gremlin’s fics. I found If you need to be mean, and then visiting Gremlin’s author page was like opening a treasure chest. Want to be König’s pampered, (unwilling) little housewife? That’s If you need to be mean. Want a harem fic with almost all of the COD MW men? Gremlin has two, both with their own little spin to keep it fun. Do you want König to keep you in his basement or hunt you down as a serial killer? Gremlin's got it. Monsterfucker? Gremlin has that too. Special shoutout goes to 1295 kilometers. I think about fucking König on a train a lot now.

➠Break my mind by @kaiasdevotion (kaiasown on ao3) There’s no way around this. This fic has the most unhinged, kinky, downright dangerous smut I’ve read in the cod fandom so far (positive). Just Friends König is the metric by which I judge all other Königs’ nastiness, and Break my mind König is tipping so hard on the “unhinged horny violent freak (affectionate)” end of the scale he’s about to fall off. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I've developed a taste for writing/reading from König's perspective, and he's so chillingly deranged in the most controlled way possible during the chapters from his pov. Incredible writing. Chefs kiss.

✦Experimental by @uhohdad (surgeoninspace on ao3) Alright, enough of just König being nasty. He is still nasty in this one, but he’s not the only one who gets to have a little fun and be a total creep. Our little scientist here is a grade A pervert, and I was delighted the whole way through. The most important thing I need in a fic is suspension of disbelief, and Experimental takes an unrealistic, maybe a little bit silly situation and makes it so believable. Everybody reacts the way you would expect them to, even if the scenario they're in is A Lot.

➠Little Mouse and Rotes Madchen by @sprout-fics I'm combining the recommendation for these two because while they are both very much distinct, unique fics, I love them the same way. Sprout is such an engaging writer, and the internal dialogue of her characters is so well done. It reveals their personality, motivations, and internal conflicts without being overly expository. Do you guys remember that post I put on the König bible about instant obsession? It's this inexorable attraction borne from obsession that sticks me to Little Mouse like a glue trap. (Is that too morbid?)

✦Hot in Sarajevo by @50cal-fullauto Rags' König characterization post is on my Königcore bible, for very good reason. They get it. König is a feral dog forced to live as a man and loves like a total maniac, emotionally and sexually. I marked Hot in Sarajevo as complete but I don't know how many parts there are going to be, and frankly, I do want more. However, if you're going to only read one part (which. why would you do that??? read both.) I recommend the second part. I want to write love like that. Goddamn.

Ghost

Yeah, this list is a little bare bones right now. I'm gonna get back to it, I promise.

✦Anhedonia by kneelingshadowsalome The way. Salome takes the "I would take a bullet for him but he's so cold to me" premise and then flips it entirely on its head for the second part is so important to me. The way Simon craves the reader is like human catnip. I reread this fic all the time.

Keegan

✦For the Weak and Weary by @halcyone-of-the-sea Read this if you want to believe in true love. That's all. Go on now.

Multiple

✦Easy by @danibee33 When people say "I wish this were a book!" about fanfiction, they usually mean it in a "this is good enough to be published by the traditional publishing industry" way. When I say I want Easy (and Diablesa) to be a book, I mean it in a "I want to get this story bound in a beautiful ass cover and keep it on a shelf so I can take it down and reread it whenever I want" way. I don't want the traditional publishing industry to get their claws in this, because it's perfect as it is. This fic is so wild and fun, and the character moments are so special and well done. Do yourself a favor and savor this one.

➠@ghouljams's entire blog [masterlist] "What do you mean someone's entire blog" YOU HEARD ME. Those aus are some good shit. Good characterization, delicious premises, love the group effort of it all. To absolutely nobody's surprise, my favorite couple is König and Bee from the cowboy au (ditzy but well-meaning and competent in her own way woman x big strong man who is obsessed with her and maybe also creeping on her, my beloved), but I also have a fondness for Ghost and Die from demon darlings au. Trust me on this one. Dig into those masterlists babey.

[artyandink]

i like me better | cj braxton

Summary: Just two childhood best friends, going to ESU together after transferring from Boston Bay College. They’re prepped to have fun, lose sleep and complete essays. But there was a massive tiny problem. CJ’s struggling with a breakup, she’s struggling to help him and they’re both grappling with the realisation that they might be something more.

A/N - Lemme know if you want me to write more CJ! Based off ‘I Like Me Better’ by Lauv :), and this is my first reader story!

TW: Mentions of alcoholism, hurt/angst, breakup, mentions of depression, borderline panic attack(?), idiots in love, tooth-rotting fluff and cuddles, making out (lemme know if there’s anything else)

i like me better (when i'm with you)

Saturday 4th September, 2004 - 09:45 

I was gonna slap this man and ruin his perfect face.

“Hey.” CJ’s hand gripped my shoulder, gently rubbing it and staying so close to me that I could catch the warm, inviting scent of caramel and… mm, coffee. But no, I must stay strong. “C’mon, wake up.” I heard a small noise, as if he was setting something down, and his now free hand made its way into my hair, gently massaging my scalp. “Please?”

“No.” I grumbled, keeping my eyes firmly shut as I laid on my stomach, my head turned away from him as I determinedly tried to keep sleeping. But then again, you can’t force sleep. And as a college student, I know very well that sleep is something coveted. Extremely coveted. But then he started peeling the blanket off, his other hand rubbing my back, arms and over my shirt so I wouldn’t get cold. The touch soothed my tense muscles, and I resigned to the fact that CJ has powers. He could melt me with just one brush of his fingers.

“You’re not still mad at me, are you?” His voice sounded playfully upset, as his hand continued to massage my hair, gently brushing some out of the way. “Uncle Bill told me that you didn’t beat him in a game of poker last night.” My only response was a huff, which told him everything. “Look, m’sorry, sweetheart. Don’t be mad.” I was gonna be mad. I came back from a walk because he said he was attending a college party to find him face down on the sofa, blabbering in slurred words about Jen, the stink of vodka, tequila and beer stinging my senses. It wasn’t pretty, neither were the hurling sounds I’d heard the next morning.

“You broke your sobriety.” I complained into the pillow, my voice muffled by it, but I wanted to turn back around. Hug him, kiss his hair and tell him it would all be ok. Stroke his cheek, kiss his nose and call him my ‘sweet boy’, because that’s what he is. Even if Jen broke him and in turn was the catalyst for him breaking his sobriety. But he… had to learn the hard way. Right? 

“And I’m sorry, but please… look at me.”

“Uh-uh. Learn your lesson.”

“Lesson learnt. C’mon, I brought you a caramel frappuccino. As a peace offering.” At the mention of coffee, I shot up, looking to see the takeaway cup on the bedside table. I grabbed it, holding it to my chest like a baby as I took a sip, humming in approval at the taste. I saw his sparkling green eyes, those pouty lips stretched in a small smile as I accepted his peace offering. “So, you took the bribe.”

“I’m not a cop. I’ll take as many bribes as I damn well please.” I smirked a little, taking another sip and pausing when I realised that even though patience was a virtue that I needed to learn, so was gratitude, that I needed to express.

Because, if he was appeasing me, he wasn’t as mad as I thought because of my silent treatment.

“Thank you.” My voice was a murmur when I said it, because I did feel guilty for giving him the silent treatment. I always felt guilty for being mad at those puppy eyes.

“No problem, sweetheart.” He brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear with a tilt of his head that made my bones warm up and shiver at the same time. His shaggy brown hair was combed neatly, and he wore his favourite sweater- the brown one with the buttons undone. It also looked amazing on him. Really good. “Can you forgive me?”

“You’re partially forgiven.” I muttered, taking another sip of the coffee, which felt rather like a shield. I was guilty because CJ didn’t deserve my criticism.

He was just… heartbroken.

And I wasn’t making things better, not by ridiculing him for having human emotion.  It felt like sharp rocks in my stomach- like I was feeling a pain that wasn’t even mine in the first place. Like they’d cut so deep I’d bleed through my repentance.

“I’ll take partially.” He reached over tentatively to squeeze my hand, my own feeling so small in his. “Because I don’t want you being that mad for too long. I hate your silent treatment.”

“I hate my silent treatment too, but…” I sighed, “I can’t, you know, see you like that. I know it’s selfish.” The moment I finished my sentence, I felt another bout of gentle pressure on my hand, coupled by the corner of his lips turning down.

“It’s not selfish.” CJ assured, his thumb rubbing soothingly over my knuckles. “You’re looking out for me, and that’s not selfish.”

I started to hyperventilate, short gasps coming from my mouth as I thought about how heartbreaking the scene of CJ, on the couch, crying out his heart was. His rosy cheeks shining with tears, green eyes going down the red colour spectrum and his shirt stained with the salty liquid. “What if Jen had gone about this differently? Had she not insulted you publicly? What if I’d spoken up, or helped you more, o-or-”

I was instantly drawn into his chest, his hand setting the frappe aside as his arms wrapped firmly around me. My cheek was resting against the soft fuzz and fluff of his sweater that felt like a blanket. Like he was protecting me for something I didn’t deserve protection for. I was hurting him, unnecessarily. 

“Shh.” His hand cupped my cheek, stroking my cheekbone with his thumb while the other went securely around my waist, pulling me into his lap and holding me there. “You’ve done all you can. Don’t beat yourself up over this, ok?”

“I could’ve done more-”

“Shh…” He rocked me in his arms ever so slightly, his nose buried in my hair as he inhaled the scent of my shampoo.

CJ felt like he had sharp rocks in his stomach. That weighed him down and pierced at him until he felt like he’d bleed. Jen was never a bad person. She had her flaws, as did everyone else, and she truly was good at heart. But when she dropped him with seldom an explanation, avoiding his every advance and not touching him with a ten foot pole, he wished he could hate her for it. But he couldn’t help but think it was something to do with him. Now here his best friend was, curled up on his lap and blaming herself for his problems.

He was being a major ass.

His arm tightened again, almost as if to envelop me in his comfort and protection. “It was never your responsibility to pull my drunk ass off the floor.” He gave me a kiss on my temple, his voice a low, deep murmur. “Never was, never is and never will be. Please cheer up.” He gave me a kiss on my cheek, humming a little. A smile started to tug at my lips, so he matched the warm expression and bent his head down again.

His pillowy lips pried the rain clouds in my head apart, sweet pecks on my cheeks paired with honeyed nothings in my ear. His kisses felt like stamps on my cheek, marking me as his without leaving anything but a rosy hue on my skin. To tell the truth, I was always his. Ever since I found out what the weird butterflies in my stomach meant. What the weird tingly feeling I had whenever he flashed that winning smile at me meant. Ever since I started seeing his adorable little pout when he was playfully mad and finding myself wanting to kiss him until I couldn’t breathe and neither could he.

Sunlight streamed through the dark clouds as he rubbed soothing circles onto my waist over my sweatshirt, the other holding my knee over my grey sweatpants as his hair tickled my temple from the angle where he’d bent his head to press his lips against my cheek, outlining any freckle he found until I was a sunny, happy, giggling, blushing thing in his arms. “You’re forgiven.”

“Eh, that’s it.” He chuckled deeply, giving me one last squeeze by his strong arms before cupping my cheeks and placing one last kiss on my hairline. “There she is; attagirl. Now, I was on the phone with Uncle Bill before you woke up. He wants you to stop letting him win otherwise he’ll stop betting money and replace it with dental floss.”

“Can’t have that.” I giggled, shaking my head. Uncle Bill was also like my own family at this point, and since I was a good hand at poker, we always played rounds on Friday nights that I always won and gained some cash from. But I wasn’t really in the mood to win yesterday. Not when the previous week, I’d found CJ drunk off his rocker on our couch. “I’ll go hard on him next time.”

“You better. Don’t want him getting a big head, do we?” His fingers played with mine, tracing each delicate one before lifting my hand to his lips and brushing them over every knuckle before he turned my hand over and let them tease the inside of my wrist. “Now, c’mon. We need to be productive.”

“Define productive.”

“Beating Toad on Mario Kart.”

“Yep, that’s productive.”

Monday 6th September, 2004 - 07:30

CJ groaned when he felt the light from the window burn his eyes, his hand reaching up to block it until his poor eyelids and pupils could adjust to the intense rays that blinded him. That’s when he saw a figure outlined by the light like an angel, silhouette blurry as he blinked rapidly and his head picked up. But the person standing there was no angel. To him, she was a goddess. His best friend.

“You ass.” He chuckled as he rolled out of bed, grabbing his sweatshirt as he stood up. “You take pride in seeing me looking like a hedgehog in the morning.” His voice got more low as he pulled his grey sweatshirt on, but then he walked over to me, cupping my cheeks and pressing a tender kiss to my forehead. “Mornin’, sweetheart.”

“Morning, sweet boy.” I giggled, playfully rubbing where he’d kissed. That made him let out a fake incredulous gasp, swatting my arm.

“Hey! You just rubbed off the magic.” He took my chin gently, tilting it to kiss my forehead again. “There, all sorted. Now, don’t go rubbing it, ok?”

“Fine, fine, I won’t rub ‘the magic’ off.” I air-quoted the phrase with a sarcastic drawl, which earned an eyebrow raise and a teasing smirk from CJ as he then seized me by the waist, starting to tickle my sides. The sensation almost made my knees give way as I shrieked a little, a gasp escaping my mouth as I attempted to wriggled out of his grip. “Hey- CJ!” I was breathless in between laughs, his own chuckles deep in my ear as I squirmed. “C’mon, don’t-don’t do this to me, it isn’t fair-”

“It’s fair.” He smirked before using his grip to lift me up and started walking, planting my feet in the kitchen. I pouted at him, but it slowly turned into a smirk as I began tickling the back of his neck. He shied away instantly, his neck seizing up as he backed off with raised hands in surrender. “Hey! No fair!”

“It’s fair.” I smirked as I passed by, giving him a peck on the cheek before moving to make our coffee. Behind my back, CJ raised a tentative hand to his cheek, touching the spot which I kissed as he licked his lips, biting them as they stretched into a goofy grin. His cheeks flushed red as what three words threatened to spill from his lips, but even as the expression and thought remained like it was burned there, he couldn’t understand why he had the urge to smile whenever he saw his best friend. Why he wanted to pull her closer, brush his lips over hers and maybe even make out against the kitchen counter, her hand in his hair while his bunched up the soft material of her sweatshirt and felt her soft thighs through those baggy sweatpants. Leaving a trail of fire down her neck, no match, lighter and gasoline- just his lips. Hearing sounds that he knew would be sweet as honey. Holding her in the morning, being the last thing she saw before she fell asleep and the first thing her eyes met when she woke up.

He was still hung up on Jen. But here his best friend was, with her tendency to always wear sweatpants that flattered her paired with a rope braid that always had a few strands of hair loose that he was itching to tuck behind her ear. Not to mention that she always had a twinkle in her eye when she looked at him, paired with a pouty smile on her pretty pink lips that he just wanted to kiss until they were swollen. He wanted her to kiss his lips until they were swollen.

He wanted to be hers. At least, he always was, but he wanted to add a label to it.

Wait, he wanted to add a label to it?

“Here. Caffeine fix.” I passed him a mug of steaming hot coffee that snapped him out of his reverie while I sipped my own cup, both of ours exactly how we both liked it. Creamer and two teaspoons of sugar. “Should be enough for our first day at Empire State University.”

“Orientation and everything.” He chuckled, looking up at the ceiling as he sipped his coffee with a low moan of approval. “Tastes great, sweetheart. Anyway, I doubt we’d be separated. Not after we put in special requests to dorm together.”

The statement made me giggle, his pouty lips wavering my focus for a second as he gulped down a second sip of the sweet coffee. “Exactly. Who could possibly match our energy? It’s impossible.”

Monday 6th September, 2004 - 09:24

“M’already five minutes into this lecture and I’m getting bored.” CJ groaned, leaning his head on my shoulder and inhaling the scent of my body wash as the Psychology lecturer droned and on about the basics of psychology in a monotone voice that evidently suggests that he does not want to be here. And now I’m writing an English literature analysis essay in my brain, which is not helping. Everyone had already bothered to study up on psychology basics, so the class was full of chucking crumpled notes about to make friends, and there was even a couple called Gavin and Stacey with their lips locked in the back of the hall.

It was a mess.

“Tell me about it.” I sighed, taking a long sip from my water bottle as I leaned my head on CJ’s, his cologne dizzying me for a moment. My fingers began playing with his hair, winding the soft, floppy strands around my fingers loosely. He yawned into the crook of my neck, his eyelashes fluttering as he took deep breaths and tried to focus himself but failing miserably.

“Help.” He murmured, letting out a small puff of breath as I doodled in my notebook. “M’bored.”

In order to combat his boredom, I ripped a sheet of paper quietly out of a refill book I had in my bag and placed it on the table, drawing a 3x3 table. “Tic Tac Toe?”

“Don’t mind if I do.” We played a couple rounds of it, all of which ended up with CJ winning because he insisted he started first and always pulled out the puppy dog eyes if I so much as refused. Obviously, I couldn’t protest any longer otherwise I’d lean in to kiss that pout away. My hand on his cheek or running through his silky hair, leaning in with soft giggles to get addicted to those lips and soft smiles all over again. Seeing him on top of me, looking at me with that warmth in his eyes that I always saw him look at Jen with. Hearing his groans in my ear, alone in his bed as he whispered sweet nothings to me while his lips trailed a path of sin over my skin. Clothes hitting the floor in a dimly lit room. Being the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw before he slept.

But that’s all an unreachable, lucid dream, right?

Friday 22nd October, 2004 - 17:12

CJ and I crept up the driveway of Uncle Bill’s house, hunched over even though there was nothing to hide from as we giggled like crazy. Our pinkies were intertwined, as we both registered how stupid-ass we looked, snickering like little gremlins as we reached the door, CJ’s hand lifting to rap on the door how he usually did, followed by him putting his spare key into the lock as we opened the door. Uncle Bill’s house looked homely, cozy even, but only because CJ and I made it so because the elderly man didn’t really have a penchant for decorating. We wiped out feet on the welcome mat, grins on our faces as we hung up our coats on the rack beside the door. “Uncle Bill?” CJ called out with a chuckle, and I set down my grocery bag to take off my shoes, CJ following suit.

“Don’t ignore us, c’mon.” I giggled, and then the old man grunted from the living room, responding to us.

“Don’t just lurk in there, you two. C’mere.” We shared a look as CJ and I walked into the living room, where CJ’s Uncle Bill was sat on the sofa, elbows deep in a soap opera. When he saw us, he stood up, shuffling over with a smile. “Hey, kiddo.” He grinned at CJ, who hugged him. “Nice to know you haven’t forgotten this old geezer.”

“Oh, never.” CJ responded casually as Bill clapped the former’s shoulder before he turned his attention to me.

“Ah.” He took a good look at me. “You haven’t gotten any taller. CJ still looks like a tree.”

“A handsome tree, I hope.” CJ smirked, then nudged me. “You do look like a forest fairy sometimes.”

“Shut up, I tried my hardest. Plus, 5’ 7” isn’t bad, you 6’ 1” yeti.” I chuckled as I hugged Bill, swaying a bit. I’d known Uncle Bill since I could talk, same as CJ, so we were practically family at this point. And even though he was a grouchy ‘old geezer’, I still loved the ‘old geezer’ as if he was my own uncle. “Good to see you, Uncle Bill.”

“You too, sweetheart.” He patted my back, then took a look at us both with a proud smile. “I remember when you two were small little munchkins. Bawling every other minute. Now look at you both, all grown up. In college, together. I swear, you’re joined at the goddarn hip.” He reached up to pat our cheeks, then frowned in confusion. “You sure you two ain’t datin’ yet?”

“No, Uncle Bill, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” CJ raised a warning hand paired with a smug smirk. “I’m way out of her league.”

I picked up a newspaper from the side table, rolling it up and slapping him in the head with it. “Shut it, I’m way out of your league.” Then I turned to Bill, holding up the bag of groceries that we’d picked up for him. “Shall we?” I walked off with the elderly man, setting the newspaper to the side.

CJ chuckled to himself as he watched me walk off, in his hoodie and my sweatpants that made me look like an angel but a walking temptation at the same time. “Yes, you are.” He muttered under his breath, rubbing the back of his neck while biting his lip. To him, his best friend was unattainable. With those dimples, eyes and those sweet smiles.

The evening was spent with rounds of poker that I won every time, Uncle Bill complaining about something or the other in his house over glasses of juice, punch and water. CJ hadn’t had much practice at poker, so he was finding it hard to keep up with the skill of the likes of regular players such as Bill and I. That resulted in quite a bit of teasing and playful ruffles of hair, and me having to kiss CJ’s cheek to appease him and take that grumpy little pout off his face.

“C’mon, boy, buck up.” Bill gruffly ordered, dealing another round. “You just need practice.”

“Let me guess…” CJ deadpanned, “practice makes perfect, don’t be sad, because it’s not about winning and it’s about having fun.”

“Wrong. It is about winning, cause you win money. It’s all about the money.”

“Yeah, Cee.” I smirked, giggling as I counted the amount of twenty dollar bills that I’d earned so far. I was sure I’d empty Uncle Bill’s pocket soon. “It’s about the money.”

“You two are addicts.” CJ huffed, shaking his head with a laugh. “You’re as bad as each other.”

“Sore loser.” Uncle Bill snorted.

“Yeah, sore loser.” I snickered before taking my dealt hand.

Hours later, we were in the middle of a round of poker when we looked to Uncle Bill and found that he was fast asleep, starting to snore. I giggled, setting down my cards and gesturing to CJ. “Pack this up, I’ll get him to bed.” As I turned my back, moving to put a blanket over Uncle Bill, CJ’s phone lit up with a text.

A clearly drunken series of texts.

Jen: I miss you

Jen: Come back

Jen: Pleeassse, CJ

Jen: Ily so much

Jen: Cmonnn, give me another chance

Those texts made everything come crashing down again. All those suppressed emotions and focusing on anything but Jen and now she was texting him, drunk. Tears welled in his eyes as he struggled to keep them down, burying himself with the task of cleaning up the cards until he felt a hand on his hair, a gentle hand taking the pack of cards out of his hands and set it down.

Next thing he knew, he was in the spare bedroom upstairs, curled up with his head in his best friend’s lap while he cried his eyes out into her grey sweatpants, leaving water stains behind as he tasted salt.

I stroked his hair, fighting the urge to cry myself as I cradled him like I did back when he had his depression spell. I whispered words of encouragement and love to him, trying to make him feel the slightest bit better as those pretty green eyes steadily turn redder by the second.

I had to stop the cycle somehow, but I wasn’t sure how to.

Sunday 7th November 2004 - 15:48

CJ and I were writing our Psychology essays on my bed, discussing ideas to reach the 3000 word minimum requirement. The room was filled with our low rumbles of conversation, flipping of book pages and the scratching of pens on paper. But his eyes kept on flicking curiously to me, his lips pursed slightly as he noted how our time right now didn’t consist of giggles, jokes and playful pecks on the cheek paired with cuddling. It was somber, almost quiet, and he could sense that with my loving glances, there was a small weight to them that he couldn’t explain, but he knew I could.

“Hey.” He reached out, brushing my curtain bangs out of my face. His head tilted as he gazed into my eyes, finding only a sadness that he didn’t like to see. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Nothing, Cee.” I whispered, but he thumbed my bottom lip with a soft frown. His eyes looked so worried, it ached my heart and it ached his too, seeing me without my usual smile. My lips parted in a silent gasp, my breath hitching as I closed my eyes to steady myself before opening them and taking a good look at him.

I wanted to say what three words so badly.

But he was hurting.

“Looks far from nothing to me.” His thumb on my lip tried to push them up into a smile, but when one didn’t come, he pulled me into his arms. It was like we had a psychic link. Whenever one of us were upset, the other was. If one was guilty, the other would try and find any reason whatsoever to feel the same.

Right now?

I felt lost, just as lost as CJ.

I didn’t feel lost when I was curled up on his lap, my head in the crook of his neck while he rocked me gently. I didn’t feel lost in the slightest when he murmured affirmations into my ear along with little kisses. I didn’t feel lost when his fingers brushed my cheek and his lips wiped away the one tear on my cheek that dared to escape my eyes, his fingers soothing the following ones.

I knew that if he let me go, I’d feel just as lost as ever. Unsure how to help him and unsure how long we’d pass the hot potato in the form of negative emotions that manifested as per their own will back and forth like a pendulum. It was a cycle.

One of us got upset, the other cuddled with them until the sniffles went away. Then vice versa, and it would… never… stop. I just wanted it to stop.

“I’ve got you.” He whispered into my ear, kissing the spot beside it as he drew comforting circles on my back. “S’gonna be ok, sweetheart. I’ve got you. You can tell me what’s up when you’re ready, ‘k?”

“You’re hurting.” I whispered, gripping his grey Henley in a tight fist. He let out a long breath through his nose before nuzzling it in my hair. “It hurts when you hurt.”

“Sweet girl.” He whispered, sounding like he was physically pained to hear those words. “I may be hurting, but please don’t-don’t do that to yourself, ok? I’m almost over Jen, just hold out on me a bit longer, y’hear? I can’t see you like this. I just need that beautiful smile, ok?”

“Please be ok.” I whispered. “Soon. I’m so mad at Jen, but she-she’s not even a bad person, so I can’t fully hate her.”

“I feel the same way.” He kissed my hair. “But this is affecting you, so I’ll try my hardest to get better. I promise.”

“Don’t do this just for me.” I pleaded quietly. “Do it for yourself, too.”

“I’ll try.” He whispered, still rocking me. “Let’s set down these essays, and take a break. We can watch Johnny English together to cheer you up. I know I’ve been holdin’ out on watching it, but I can make an exception.”

I sniffed, looking up at him with watery eyes. “Really?”

“Really.” He kissed my cheek, then swept me into a bridal carry, his strong arms cradling me to his chest as he walked over to the sofa, laying me down. “Just lay back and relax, sweetheart. I’ll get the popcorn.”

The rest of the night was spent with loud laughs, comforting kisses as he held me close under the blanket. I couldn’t help but look at his perfect side profile as he stared at the TV with a wide grin on his face as he chuckled at Rowan Atkinson’s shenanigans on the flashing screen. His face illuminated in the dark room (the blinds were drawn) looked so peaceful, his arm around my shoulder and a few strands of hair brushing over his forehead that I wanted to move with my fingertips.

Instead I snuggled into his chest, his arms instinctively cocooning me in his embrace. CJ closed his eyes, wanting to do all of this all over again but this time with us kissing each other’s lips and telling each other ‘I love you’.

I’m in love with you.

I’ve fallen for you.

I’m hopelessly addicted to you.

The words were right there, but he choked up at the last moment.

You’re my best friend.

You’re my rock.

My everything.

It was easy to say in his head, but not so much out loud.

You’re my universe, sweetheart. Ever since we could talk.

Sunday 19th December, 2004 - 18:26

We were celebrating Uncle Bill’s birthday, so, naturally, we were over at his house. Even better for Uncle Bill, Grams, or Evie, as Bill knew her, was coming over to visit. So I’d finished dressing up in a plaid dress, putting a belt over it and letting my hair loose for once. I ran a comb through it, and I could barely remember the last time I dressed up was my graduation. I put one last swipe of lip gloss on, then opened the door and descended down the stairs nervously. Uncle Bill and Grams had their backs to me, but CJ’s eyes lit on fire when he looked up from the lively conversation to see me standing there. He instantly stood up so fast he almost toppled over the armrest of the sofa, his jaw almost hitting the floor.

“You…” A grin twitched at his lips as he made his way over to me in a daze, taking my hand and twirled me, “look stunning. My god, sweetheart. But… personally?” His lips brushed my ear and his voice lowered to a murmur. “You look even better in sweatpants.”

“Oh, shush, you.” I snickered, and then we saw Uncle Bill and Grams’ eyes on both of us with smirks on their faces. The air turned awkward, but then CJ lifted my hand to his mouth to kiss my knuckle before interlocking our pinkies as they dropped.

“You look beautiful, darling.” Grams smiled affectionately, gesturing for us to come over and sit down.

“Thank you, Grams.” I grinned.

“Like a Barbie doll, sweetheart.” Bill added, but got swatted on the arm by Grams. “What? Y’all can compliment her but I can’t?”

“That’s not what I’m saying, honey, and you know it.” She laid a hand on Bill’s forearm. “How about I go with CJ to get your cake ready, hm?” She looked keenly towards CJ, who clapped his hands and rubbed them together, going with Grams, who shuffled into the kitchen with CJ. The cake was already laid out, which planted some confusion in the poor boy’s mind.

“Was this some masterful plot to get me to talk about something?” He asked with a raised eyebrow as Grams shut the door behind them.

“You got that right, young man.” Grams gave him a smile, then gestured for him to sit on the barstool in the kitchen. He obliged, sitting his apprehensive ass down before he had the mind to complain or object. “Now, I don’t want you to deny anything that I’m about to say, because frankly, CJ, I have seen enough to know.”

“Know-?” CJ chuckled nervously. “K-Know what, exactly?”

“You are madly in love with that stunning young lady in the next room.” The fact that it was said aloud caught CJ off guard, rendering him speechless. “I have no objection to this matter, even if my granddaughter and you were quite the couple, but that isn’t the point here. I understand from William that you and that girl have been friends since you could talk. And it is quite clear to me how closeted you are about your true feelings, when all she does is reciprocate them in her own special way, which is letting you shower your affection because it makes her feel special. In more specific words, you make her feel special.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You are a handsome boy, but you are also, as I’ve said before, someone of pure heart and good intention. I love my granddaughter, but no one is a better match for you… than your best friend.”

To say that CJ was flabbergasted was an understatement. He’d never considered that his best friend could reciprocate his feelings.

That never occurred to him once. But nah, she couldn’t. She’s too good for him.

Sunday 19th December, 2004 - 9:56

CJ walked into the spare bedroom where his best friend was staying, and found her in his favourite outfit of hers, sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard. Sweatpants. The lip gloss was still on, and still looked stunning.

He closed the door, his eyes flicking down to my lips as he walked over, desperate to kiss it off and taste it on his tongue, but he digresses. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hey, Cee.” I smiled, patting the space beside me, which he flopped onto.

“I know I’ve probably said this a million times, but you look amazing.” He reached out, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind my ear. I blushed, my eyes flicking down to his lips before back up.

“I’m in sweatpants.”

“Exactly. Amazing.” His lips brushed my cheek, then he grinned softly and continued to press them over and over again, lips soft as silk, and I knew they’d taste as sweet as sugar. His hand cradled my cheek, his thumb stroking my cheekbone as I giggled and blushed even harder. “So amazing.”

“You’re just saying that.” I chuckled, leaning into his hand as I looked down bashfully. My lips parted slightly, fighting off the urge to smile like a goof.

“No, I’m not.” He muttered, smiling against my cheek as his nose brushed it as well. He let out a deep sigh, nuzzling into my cheek. “God, I love you.” The words slipped out, and I looked to him just as he thumbed my bottom lip, his breath mingling more with mine by the second as his pretty eyelashes fluttered closed.

“What-?”

“Shh…” He murmured, his lips pressing against mine, sweet as ambrosia as the taste of coffee, vanilla sponge cake and chocolate flooded my tongue. His gentle touch on my cheek had me melting as my own mouth found the dignity to respond, my hand tangling in his hair as I breathed in… his cologne. Cinnamon. Vanilla scented body wash. I broke apart briefly, my lips barely grazing his as a soft gasp fell from my lips as I leaned back in, tilting my head as I met him halfway.

That sweet sound, god, that sound, it almost made CJ melt. His hand immediately hooked under my knee, pulling it across his legs and setting it down so I was straddling him. His hand gripped my waist gently, not missing a beat as he pressed me against him, feeling everything he could. The way my hand slid across his chest, over his Henley, as his tongue brushed my bottom lip, a low sound of pleasure swallowed by my mouth falling from his. My fingers rubbed his soft hair, gently tugging until I got a moan from him that made me feel like I was on fire. He only added gasoline to it, coaxing more noises out of me by leaving a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down my neck as his hand squeezed my upper thigh as the other rubbed my hip in circles.

His hand on my thigh kneaded down to my knee then back up, gently gripping and rolling my hips down to meet his, which made us both jolt and meet in the middle again, honeyed sounds leaving both of our mouths, the hot air stealing mine while CJ’s vibrated against my neck. My head tipped back to allow him better access to me, fully trusting him. I could never not, and this right here felt like a dream. I always was his, but now, I was… his. Really his.

His hand took mine as he sweetly mouthed at my neck, breaking off to press a kiss to my knuckle and then my palm, placing that hand over his heart in a silent thank you for letting him touch me like this. The gesture made me smile, and I tilted his head back up to capture his heavenly, sinful lips again after they made me feel like the only girl in the world. He reached for my hip again, pulling me flush against him, but his elbow accidentally knocked his phone to the floor with a loud clatter that had both of us cringing and looking at the door for any signs of someone entering.

“You kids alright in there?” We heard Uncle Bill call out, followed my Grams’ voice after.

“Leave them alone, William, they can take care of themselves. Besides, I’m sure they’re… busy.”

I turned back to CJ, who gave me an apologetic grin, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed my nose and then a bold freckle on my left cheek. “Sorry.” He mouthed, but I giggled instead and pecked his lips for another taste.

“It’s ok.” I whispered, brushing his hair back from his face with a smile. “For what it’s worth… I’m in love with you, too.”

The statement had him grinning like an idiot, cupping my cheeks and pressing his forehead against mine. “That’s worth everything, sweetheart.”

Monday 27th December, 2004 - 8:46

“God, Cee…”

The cool slab of the kitchen counter in our apartment pressed against my back, a contrast to the warm hand pushing up my sweatshirt. My hand was buried in CJ’s hair as his lips moved against mine like they were on fire and I was the only source of quenching it, like he was in the desert and I was his only source of pure water. His palm pressed against the now exposed skin of my waist, a low chuckle escaping from his lips.

I giggled in response, humming as his lips connected hungrily with mine once again, the taste of our morning coffee flooding each other’s mouths as he hummed back, his other hand reaching up to take the band tying her rope braid together and letting it loose, his fingers working to untangle the strands and mess it up just right. He let out another low moan that I couldn’t help but whimper in response to, especially as his hand squeezed my thigh playfully, lifting it to hook it over his hip before his lips regretfully left mine and instead descended to tease my neck in a way that had me tilting my head for him and pressing myself back into the counter to avoid getting hyperthermia; he was making me feel that much like the friggin’ sun.

CJ let out another low chuckle before lavishing more attention on my neck in order to elicit more sounds from my mouth. “You know,” He murmured between kisses, “I’ve always imagined doing this here.”

“Making out?” I breathlessly replied, also laughing a bit before it dissolved into a whine, those pillowy lips working their magic. As always.

“Oh, yeah.” He teased playfully, his hand in my hair tilting my head just a bit more, fingers massaging my scalp to soothe me as he planted a few more open-mouthed kisses on my neck, his elbow keeping my leg on his hip while his hand moved to play delicately with the drawstring of my sweatpants, tugging on it to make my breath hitch. “But now? Now, I’ve got a bit more in mind.”

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[stillnotyourmusebitch]

not really a request, just a soft thought I had (sinner! Adam)

You and Adam are the only ones in the parlor and sitting next to each other on one of the couches. You’re reading on their phone and listening to Margaret by lana del rey, and it’s making your eyelids heavy. Adam pokes fun at your music taste but is also staring to doze off.

And then Charlie comes downstairs in a bit and finds you two sound asleep on one of the couches together, that song still playing on your phone.

thank you and good night

Okay, I love this idea. I do feel like I’ve been neglecting this fandom a lot, so let me see if I can write a little something.  

It is a rare sight to see the lobby of the new improved Hazbin Hotel completely empty. You’d think that from a glance but if you followed the soft sounds of music, you would spy hiding away on the fancy plush couches in the parlour were two sinners. 

“Remind me again why I let you control the tunes?” Adam huffed as he fiddled with one of the loose threads of the couch 

“Because I want you to experience other music genres, and I know that you like at least some of the songs I’ve played for you. You loved that song I played the 80s synthy one.” 

“Okay that was one song. The rest you’ve played has been . . . meh.” He pulled a bit too hard on a thread making it form a smallish hole. “Oh shit.” Adam turns to try and stuff the thread back into the couch in a vain attempt to fix the mess he made. Last thing he needs was another apology letter to write and knowing Charlie he’d be writing to the couch. 

You giggle behind your hand at his frantic movements to rectify the issue. 

“Hey, don’t laugh at me bitch this is your fault!” Adam snapped over his shoulder. Every attempt to fix the hole led to enlarging it. He still hadn’t gotten used to his new demonic form. His clawed fingers snagging on the fabric “Shit shit shit.” 

You tug on his arm to pull him back enough to see the dilemma. “It ain’t that bad. Just leave it be.” You rested you hand over his stilling him. “If you want I can take the blame for you.” 

Adam turns back to face you. He quirks a brow. “What’s in it for you?” 

“Ahhh, dear Adam. Just a simple request.” 

Adam leans back on the sofa. You had the look in your eyes when you think of something truly twisted. 

Producing your phone again you say, “Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole.” 

“But tha- . .” 

“Ah ah ah.” you shush him with a finger to his lips. “My music. You no talky.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Fyne.” he murmurs against your finger. 

You pull away patting his left cheek. “Good boy.”  

Adam resisted the urge to snap back but just sank down more into the couch cushions. He watched you type the song you wanted and set it to play. Adam wanted to say something but watching you lay down resting your head on his lap. He froze a little. 

“Is this part of the deal? Me becoming your pillow?” 

“Yes, well it is now. Plus you are just the right kind of squish.” 

“Oh now you’re calling me fa- OW! Don’t pinch me.” 

You snigger and nip his leg again with your fingers. He starts nipping your sides in retaliation.  

‘Oh this was war now.’ you thought choosing the parts of Adam that you could reach in your position. The parlour fills with yelps and giggles as you two play fight for dominance. You both wrestle until you are straddling him nipping wildly at his sides and arms 

“Say it!” you nip him again a little harder this time. “Say I don’t have bad taste in music.” you nip again making him yelp. 

“Okay you- ow you win. Your music taste is not all ba- ow okay okay you have good music taste.” He pulls you in for a hug trapping your arms to your sides. 

“Muwahahaha! I knew it. I wiii-. .” You let out a massive yawn. “amm winner.” you yawn again choosing to rest your head on his shoulder. Your body slowly relaxes against him.  

The soft music that was playing the whole time finally reaches his ears. Adam listened to the words and the whole calm vibe that it brought.  

“You know what, this song ain’t that bad. I kinda like it.” Adam waited for a smug comment in reply but when he was met with a light snoring. He smiled softly as he gently arranged your limp body in a way that you wouldn’t wake up in pain later on. He didn’t have the heart to move you off of him. You’d been complaining about severe bouts of insomnia lately this was partially the reason he was with you in the first place. He also didn’t sleep that great either. This was probably another reason he snapped so much at other residents during the mandatory exercises done each day. 

Adam rested his head back on the couch, wondering what stupid thing was planned for today. His thoughts dipping in and out as the song drifts back into his ears.  

‘Maybe it won’t be that bad.’ He shut his eyes focusing on the song and the light snoring against his neck. ‘Just gonna rest my eyes’ he thought. 

----- 

When Charlie arrived in the parlour to set up her morning exercise for the residents, she stopped in her tracks clamping her hands over her mouth to suppress the squeal of joy.  

There on one of the couches sat Adam cradling you against his chest both of you fast asleep. She then hears soft music playing, carefully she picks up the phone to see the song has been playing on repeat for who knows how long. The battery on the phone was almost dead. Placing the device back, she slowly slinks backwards and sets about warding off other residents saying today's exercise has been cancelled and everyone gets the morning off. 

-------

I didn't mean to make it so long and i kinda did a little creative adjustments to your original thought. I hope that is okay??

[cosmerelists]

The Favorite Food Show of Each Order of the Knights Radiant

I do love a good food-based show, like the ones on Food Network or the Bon Appetit youtube channel before it imploded. So naturally I wondered which show the various orders of the Knights Radiant would like best. The result...is this.

[Previously we've seen the Knights Radiant play boardgames, go to musicals, have sleepovers, have fandom jobs, and be birds]

1. Stonewards: Cutthroat Kitchen

Cutthroat Kitchen is a show where contestants can bid money to give each other silly disadvantages (involving a LOT of spreaders, for some reason). You get to keep the money you don't spend at the end, if you win.

Honestly, I think the Stonewards would be good at being on this show, not just watching it: they'd naturally just accept every disadvantage thrown at them without ever harming another player, prove to be really good at putting up with any and all "torture," and then win in the end.

It's the Stoneward way.

2. Edgedancers: Diners, Drive-ins and Dives

This is a show about discovering greasy spoon restaurants and giving them attention for their great food. I am not only saying this because of Lift either! I think there's a sense of bringing attention to restaurants that might, uh, otherwise be forgotten or something. Look, it makes sense in my head.

3. Truthwatchers: Reverse Engineering with Chris Morocco

This was (is?) a Youtube channel with Chris Morocco on Bon Appetit. He's blindfolded and present with a dish, which he can smell, taste, touch, but not see. He then has to try to reverse engineer the dish based on his initial investigation. I think the Truthwatchers would dig a show like that, about investigation, trying to figure out the truth...

4. Bondsmiths: Chopped

On Chopped, contestants are given a basket of four ingredients that are...unusual or hard to put together, and then they have to make a coherent meal out of it. Doesn't that sound like something a Bondmight would like? You gotta unite the four ingredients into one coherent whole.

5. Elsecallers: Good Eats

This is a show hosted by Alton Brown, and it's basically a quiet informational show about food, its history, ingredients, which kitchen gadgets you really need, etc. It tries to take a scientific angle toward everything as well. I just think it would suit the intellectual Elsecallers more so than some of the wilder Food Network shows.

6. Skybreakers: Iron Chef

I haven't watched much Iron Chef, but it is a one-on-one battle between a contestant and one of the current Iron Chefs, who are a board of, like, really good chefs. And they have a signature ingredient and each have to make a dish which then gets judged by a panel of judges. Somehow this formal cooking battle feels like something that would appeal to the Skybreakers.

7. Dustbringers: Kitchen Nightmares

Now, this one I've never watched, but I know it's a show where Gordon Ramsay goes and yells at restaurant owners who are really bad at maintaining their restaurants. I get the sense that it's the fun kind of chaotic disaster, especially if you like to see people who are bad at things get called out on it. For all of these reasons, this feels like a show a Dustbringer might enjoy.

8. Willshapers: The Great Food Truck Race

Per the webpage I found about this show, it's all about "adventure" and "new challenges." It's a show about new food truck owners who travel to new towns every week and then try to sell their food and complete various challenges. That sense of freedom and adventure seems like something the Willshapers would be really into.

9. Lightweavers: Cake Wars

I think the Lightweavers would enjoy any of the many shows about elaborate decoration and presentation, so I picked Cake Wars since I think that's what it's about. They'd probably also like those "Is It Cake?" shows as well, to be honest...

10. Windrunners: The Great British Bake-Off

I have no real justification for this. I just want to imagine Kaladin and the rest of Bridge 4 bundled up in blankets, snacking on sweet treats (for the women) or whatever they can scrounge up that is vaguely similar to a sweet treat for the men (fruit?), watching a purely wholesome show where the worst thing that ever happens is somebody messes up their bake (we don't talk about the Baked Alaska incident).

I just think it'd be good for them.

[stanfanfiction]

Taste of You - Ken x fem!reader - PART FOUR.FIVE

Heeyyy babes!! Your constant support and outpouring of love it SOO amazing, I truly never expected anyone to even read my writing and having so many of you tell me how much you like it is beyond anything I could have hoped for.

I hope you enjoy the latest .5 chapter, which, as has become custom, is simply the fun sm*t stuff that we all enjoy. Today’s entry had some sub!/dom! Roles, on both sides ;) so I’m eager to see how everyone likes it, what they like more, etc!! Also thanks to @aloheem for suggesting trying out a tickling idea to see how Ken reacts to it.

AND thank you for sending in your requests!! I love reading what you enjoy consuming fan-fic wise and I hope I can bring your ideas to justice <3

Alright, without further ado, warnings and then let’s goooo.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY / sub!Ken/dom!reader / dom!Ken/sub!reader / mild non-con (never fully non because the sub! Is enjoying themselves and makes that clear) / light choking / spanking / bondage / overstimulation / new sensations / tickling / praise k!nk / oral fem! & male! receiving / ball touching / edging

Ken lay underneath you, helpless as you straddled his hips but bent down, eyes staring into his the entire time. He gasped and his entire body clenched as you bit down into the area where his hip bone and groin meet and sucked hard. The headboard rattled loudly as he attempted to jerk his hands toward to free them, but they remained tightly bound above his head much to his frustration. His eyes, never leaving yours, pleaded as loudly as they could, as you had forbidden him from speaking for the time being, begging, BEGGING you to let him do *something,* anything other than lay there and suffer this insanely incredible torture that he still wasn’t quite sure how to take.

“Mmmmm, yes baby.”

Ken’s voice cut through the experience just enough for you to open your eyes, blinking, your body hot and horny and your head trying to navigate the fact that you had just been dreaming.

“You’re finally awake.” Ken was spooning you, arms and legs tangled with yours, his forehead pressed into the back of your skull. He leaned forward so his lips were perfectly caressing your ear, sending a slight tickle down you when he spoke. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for ages.”

Your eyes adjusted and you saw the clock. 4 a.m.

“Why would I be awake at 4, Ken?” But you already knew why. It had become almost routine at this point for Ken to somehow wake you during the night for your sexual escapades that hadn’t even begun to slow in their frequency.

“You were moaning in your sleep,” he snuggled closer to you. “I was hoping you’d wake so we could do whatever you were dreaming about in real life.” His lips captured your ear lobe and bit down just enough for another little spark to shoot down to your core. You giggled and tried to pull away but he held you close and started attacking your neck, which made you giggle more.

“Keeennn! Please,” you laughed, struggling.

“Mmmmm not until you tell me about your dream so I know what I need to do to you,” he chuckled.

You paused, thinking. Ken had become incredibly confident sexually in a very short period of time, but you wondered if having him submit to you would be something he would enjoy. You knew YOU would love it but you also worried perhaps he might take it the wrong way, or feel scared or…

“I’m waiting,” Ken reminded, breathing in your scent as he nuzzled into your neck again.

Well. You *were* incredibly horny right now, and honestly pissed off that Ken had woken you before your dream had reached completion. You decided you would try, and take it slow, and let him lead everything based on his comfort level.

You managed to turn yourself to face him, and he smiled so beautifully at you.

“Ken��I think I want to try something new tonight.”

His eyes lit up. Fair enough, he did always love learning new things whenever you would teach him.

“I need you to let go of me so I can show you.”

One of the only ways lately you *could* get Ken to let you out of his embraces was to bribe him with anything even mildly related to sex, and this was no different. He relaxed so you could move as you pleased, and you sat up and turned on the bedside light.

You looked serious and were working through how to start, since you hadn’t ever tried to be dominant in bed other than what you had done with Ken, and you wanted to work out how to make this hot for him without scaring him.

You reached your hand out and he took it, and you pulled him to the front of the bed until the two of you were both standing. You had on your tiny silk nightie that he loved to pull off of you, and of course he stood completely nude, tall and muscular and…ugh, those eyes, all smiling down at you so lovingly and just waiting.. oh fuck, okay fuck, focus.

“Ken,” you said quietly, your hand reaching out to rest on his lower abs. He took your free hand in his and kissed it, patiently waiting for you to explain.

“What I want to try tonight isn’t something we have really done before.”

He leaned his forehead into yours and hummed. “Okay?” He encouraged you to continue.

“Uhm…uh, what is a word you could automatically say, no matter what state your mind was in, to make someone stop what they were doing?”

He looked confused. “I would just say ‘Stop.’”

You stared at him, so innocent in his new confusion, and you smiled. I mean, you would definitely stop anything ever if he told you to. You raised up on tip toes to kiss him.

“Then ‘Stop’ it is.” You stepped back, watching him closely to gauge all of his reactions as you reached down and pulled your nightie off, now standing naked in front of him.

His eyes shone and he immediately reached forward to grab you, but you caught his wrists. He cocked his head.

“I…don’t understand -“

“Tonight,” you said, walking towards him with his wrists still in your grip, “you can *only* do as I say, when I say so.”

He frowned. “If you tell me to just go back to sleep, I’m not going to do it.”

You laughed. “No, so, there’s this type of, well, sexual play, where one partner kind of controls the other. Like if I tell you to do something you have to do it. Oh! But, ONLY if you actually want to. Which is why saying ‘stop’ is how I would know not to make you do it.”

“But why would you ask me to do something I wouldn’t want to do?” He ignored you holding his wrists and instead used it to his advantage, wrapping his arms around your waist and thus imprisoning your arms behind your back. “I can’t think of anything you would ask me to do to pleasure you that would make me say no.”

“What if what I asked didn’t *seem* like it would pleasure me, but it actually would?”

He remained silent, working to make this make sense to him.

“Like the first time you spanked me, you asked first, because you were worried it might hurt me? Kind of like that.”

His face softened. “Ohhh, okay. So you ask me to try things to you to see if they feel good?”

“Kinda?” You felt like this wasn’t going to work, but then the image of him struggling under your touch from the dream came back, and it snapped your mind back into place. Your voice became firm. “Ken, let go of me. Now.”

Surprised, he loosened his grip, not completely but enough to where you were able to pull free. “Keep your hands at your sides.”

He still wasn’t playing along 100%, and you knew a lot of it was that it still wasn’t making sense to him. You decided you’d just have to show him.

“From this point forward, if you tell me to stop, I will. But anything else you say or do, I will keep going.” You grazed your nails from his groin up to his hip bone, and he shuddered, immediately grabbing your waist.

“No, Ken.” Your voice startled him. “Hands at your sides.”

He looked helpless. “No, I …I don’t understand.”

“I want to pleasure you slowly without you doing anything to me for just a little while.” You made your voice sound all dreamy as your fingers danced across his lower abs, and he watched you, his breath becoming a little more shallow. “Part of the pleasure I am seeking is getting to fully immerse myself in *your* pleasure, and yours only, at least for a little while. Do you understand?”

Ken seemed to be in overthink mode, trying to figure out how to get a grip on what was happening. “Stop.”

You did immediately, taking your hand back from him, watching him closely. He looked almost….angry? No, not quite that, but -

“Give me ten minutes,” you interrupted his thought process. “If you still don’t like it by then, I will stop and not try again.”

Ken struggled with accepting this, like it made so little sense that he couldn’t see how accepting your terms would actually make you happy. You reached out and slowly wrapped a hand around his cock, which had been hard and straining ever since he first got off the bed.

“Do you want to make me happy, Ken?” You kind of hated how manipulative the words sounded, despite them only being for play, but still wanted to make sure he would enjoy playing along once he figured it out.

Your question seemed to throw him off guard. His blue eyes melted into yours, his body relaxing a little, less defensive now. He gulped. “I do.”

Your grip tightening on his cock now and he groaned, reaching for your wrist again but stopping himself this time, glancing at you. You smiled, small but sexy, and that seemed to do something to him. He pulled his hand back to his side and your other hand came up to caress his cheek.

“Good boy,” you purred. You LOVED the way his posture always changed a little when you praised him, his chest puffing out a tiny bit and his face looking just a bit proud. “You remembered to keep your hands to yourself. Now let me touch you for awhile.”

He nodded, watching you like a tiger watches its prey, as you started rubbing his cock while your other hand traced lazily up his abs with your nails, his shudders indicating how sensitive he was already just by being denied control. He giggled a little when your nails grazed over a certain area, and you tried to hold back a smile at how cute his reaction was. Instead, you looked up at him and touched the area again.

“It tickles.”

“Mmmhmm, it does, sweet Ken. Can you handle it? Can you deal with it for a little longer?” Ken’s fists clenched and unclenched in time with the way you were pumping him as you kept your nails on his abs. He was desperate to touch you, to force you down and fuck you until you were exhausted. His skin broke out in goosebumps when you took his nipple in your mouth and he moaned loudly. You took your hand off of his cock and he groaned irritably before all of your nails were dancing up and down his abs and groin, and he shuddered and unintentionally leaned into you a little. He was gasping, ohhh fuck, he had probably never experienced anything even close to overstimulation other than the first time he was having sex with you. And he was so fucking stunning trying to take it to make you happy. You bit his nippled and he cried out, his hands now balled into tight fists.

You stepped back. “Fuucckkk, what a perfect boy you are. You’re doing so well for me.”

His cock twitched and he let out a small whimper. He definitely was struggling with this, but as it seemed he wasn’t actually in pain or telling you to stop, you decided to keep playing to see where it went.

“You can lay down now, Ken.”

He stared at you, his head hung a little, his neck and shoulders tight. Fists clenched, cock throbbing. Panting, eyes boring into yours. Oh my god, you stared at him to make sure this image forever stayed in your mind.

“Now, Ken.”

He slowly obeyed, pulling himself backwards onto the bed and sitting at the top against the pillows.

All you could think of was how beautiful he was going to look tied up for you.

You pulled a pair of pantyhose out of your drawer and climbed onto the bed to him. The new item in your hands made him curious, but he was still focused on only one thing.

“Can I touch you now?”

“Not yet. But you’re so patient.”

“When can I?” How the fuck did his voice sound so broken over…

“Ken,” your voice was calmer, now talking to him in your normal tone. “I want to tie you up and fuck you.”

His eyes widened a bit, realizing the pantyhose you had been twisting into a long, thin, but sturdy rope, was meant for…

He glanced up at you, and an eyebrow cocked. You wanted to slap him for making you feel out of control, again..not when you were supposed to be the one who -

“How long do you need me tied up for?”

“Until I’m finished with you.”

Ken smirked, and to your surprised offered his wrists willingly. “Then tie me up and fuck me, y/n.” He grinned, knowing he took you off guard, literally challenging you.

OH, now he was in for it.

You bound his wrists quickly, securing them to the headboard. He smiled at you the entire time, suddenly entertained by your whole new desire for play, but the smile left his face quickly as you took him into your mouth, lowering down onto him. His hips bucked at the sudden shock that went through him, and his moan of pleasure turned into one of frustration when you immediately pulled off of him. He looked down at you.

“You aren’t allowed to move while I suck on you, Ken.”

He looked incredulously at you. “How am I supposed to -“

He was cut off when you gently squeezed his balls, knowing his one particularly sensitive spot, and he gasped loudly, hips bucking again. You usually didn’t touch him here that often, as it seemed to drive him mad with passion and, well, horniness, and usually you didn’t get the chance to see how much he could take because he would tackle you and fuck you until you were exhausted.

But now, this time was different. You massaged that area again, and his head pushed back into the pillows, wrists straining against his bonds.

“Jesus FUCK.” He panted. You hadn’t ever heard him raise his voice that loudly. You felt yourself becoming wet, and you continued your gentle but consistent assault on his balls, watching him in silence as he gasped and moaned and shuddered, waiting for him to surrender to you.

He actually held out way longer than you had expected, and you felt so impossibly hot watching as he slowly went from an alpha-state to one of literal physical submission, his body no longer trying to violently break itself free from the headboard except for some exhausted tugs, his voice almost hoarse, his body completely covered in a cold sweat.

“Please, please, pleassee….” He begged, voice breaking a little. “Please, y/n, I can’t. I can’t - ahhhh, FUCK, please.”

You stopped your torture, and a huge exhale rattled through his body, attempting to soothe itself. You climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

“Hi, sweet boy.”

He looked up at you, completely at your will, still panting, and his sweaty hair and mildly wet eyes made you feel so deeply for him. You leaned forward, placing your hands besides his head.

“You’re so good to me, Ken,” you whispered, and he leaned up to kiss you then caught himself, lowering his head back down onto the pillows. Fuck, he was trying SO hard to please you.

“Am I doing good, y/n?” He whimpered.

“You’re doing so good, Ken. You know why I had to exhaust you, right?”

“Because I wouldn’t stop moving,” he choked, gasping for another breath.

“Good, Ken. You learn so quickly.” You glanced at the clock and saw he had held out almost the full ten minutes now, but you wanted to make sure he was okay before delving in any further.

“Ken? Is it alright if I keep going?”

His entire body went rigid, his biceps clenching tightly, as if ready to jerk himself free of his restraints if necessary - or if he actually could this time. He never took his eyes off of you, contemplating his answer. You leaned down to his ear to whisper, and you felt the shiver that ran through him.

“If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you touch me for a moment.”

He nodded then. “Yes, please, anything, I’ll do anything -“

You captured his lips in yours and he moaned into you, almost as if he was thanking you and his lips pulled yours roughly into his mouth, his tongue darting into yours to clash with your tongue for a brief moment before you pulled back. He looked devastated.

You reached for the restraints and his eyes brightened.

“Only one for now,” you said, untying his left hand and making sure that his right remained firmly connected to the bed. “Because if you need me to stop, I might not be able to hear you. If you need me to stop at anytime, I want you to slap my leg, really hard, so I know. Okay?”

He held onto your every word, nodded when you were finished, trying to figure out what it was you were going to do. He began moving his hand to your waist then caught himself and paused, waiting for instructions.

“Mmm, I have the best Ken,” you cooed, and he smiled a little. You allowed him to rest his hand on your waist as you straddled his face, slowly lowering yourself down onto him.

You had barely come into contact with his nose when you felt his free arm tighten around your thigh, pulling you closer into him, and you cried out, grabbing the headboard for support as his lips roughly sucked on your clit, pulling hard. He moaned hungrily into you, and you forced yourself to make sure you didn’t fully collapse onto his face, his tongue and lips so eager and rough, and his moaning into your opening was the most vulnerable yet hot you could remember feeling in your life.

You began moving your hips a little, trying to maintain your attempt at dominance, but fuck if it wasn’t almost impossible while working against Ken’s strength and enthusiasm. He wrapped his arm around your thigh tighter and almost forced you still as his tongue penetrated into you, licking and flicking and then his lips sucking around your opening in a dizzying sequence.

“Ken…I…ah, fuck, okay, I need -“ You yelped as his arm freed itself of you momentarily only to spank your cheek sharply, the pain shocking you but not having time to react because he immediately forced you back down onto his face and held you until you came, your knuckles white from holding onto the headboard and you cried out over and over as an intense orgasm washed over you. Ken didn’t stop until your body began becoming limp, from which he then removed his arm and you un-straddled him, sitting next to him on the bed.

He lay there, one arm bound above his head, his hair a mess, his face flushed and covered in your juices, and he was grinning at you.

"I like you making me submit to you. That was fun." His free hand reached for you. "Now untie me so I can fuck your dripping pussy. I am losing my mind."

You forced yourself to maintain control as you quickly grabbed his hand and began tying it back up.

"Hey, hey!" he protested, but you were quicker and he was bound again within moments. You moved back to look at him, confused, and *now* he looked a little angry, but you knew it wasn't from actual anger, more just not getting his way, which is something he didn't enjoy. *Especially * when he was this horny.

He grit his teeth and jerked hard on the restraints. "Let me out of these."

You cocked your head. "Mmmm, no."

"When, then?"

"When you've orgasmed."

He growled. "That's what I am actively *trying* to do!!"

You sunk down onto him then, no warning or buildup, and he cried out in ecstasy, his entire being melting as if relieved.

"Ohhh, fuck, y/n, my love…thank you, thank you, thank -"

You reached up and placed a hand around the base of his throat, just barely, not even applying pressure. He looked up at you, and despite not experiencing this before, the look he gave you made you all the more hot, and you wrapped your fingers around his neck, squeezing ever so slightly. He moaned loudly, and his eyes had that gorgeous teary look that you had seen the first time you had fucked him - his own special mix of love and pleasure and experiencing something amazing for the first time. He thrust up into you then, and the sharpness of it told you he was already way too close to climaxing.

You pulled your hips off of his, sitting on his waist but keeping your hand around his throat. The noise he made when you left his cock was like a mangled cry, and his eyes went into dominance mode, that look he gave you when he was warning you things were about to go his way.

"But you're not the one in control this time, Ken." Your hair brushed his face and you squeezed his throat a little harder. "I am. And you don't get to cum until I say so."

You swore you saw stars in his eyes when you sunk back down onto him then, fucking him the way you knew he loved, and you removed your hand from his throat to press down onto his hips like he always did to you. That did something extra for him and he groaned, jerking against the restrains again, and the image of him slowly coming undone because of you made you so tempted to just untie him and finish you off the way he wanted - the way you knew you both wanted - but you had come too far to quit now, and once again when you knew his orgasm was close, when his abs began their gorgeous tightening and his hips bucked up into yours, you let him slip out of you again, and he literally sobbed.

"You're not doing a very good job at not moving, Ken."

You tried to keep your head together as he glared down at you, and you knew *exactly* the thoughts that were swimming through his mind: jerk himself free of the headboard, force you down onto the bed, his fingers bruising themselves into you as he fucked you like he was in heat as you held on for dear life.

You had one more trick up your sleeve, and decided you had best do it now because you weren't sure if you would ever be successful at getting Ken tied up again after tonight. You got your only other pair of pantyhose and ripped them in two.

Ken's eyes grew huge and you expected him to fight back, but to your surprise he didn't. He lay, watching you while you pulled his legs open, tying each one to an opposite best post, until he was splayed out in front of you, unable to thrust up even if he tried.

He remained silent as you climbed back onto the bed and leaned down, gently taking one of his balls into your mouth while massaging the other. His head fell back and his moans were beautiful, as you decided you wanted to be gentle the rest of the night but still wanted to see how far you could push his stamina.

After he began squirming from a little too much sensation, you moved back up to his cock, your lips wetly sucking and licking around his tip, and you loved watching how much he was trying to move his hips. He seemed to be working really hard to play along now, though, because the gritted teeth and glaring eyes had morphed into your name almost being sung as you touched him, sucked, licked, loved on him, before kissing and biting your way back up his abs and chest to his face.

You looked down at him now and he at you, those baby blues lost in you, telling you he was yours to do with as you pleased. "I surrender," he whispered, and you gasped. How was this so…incredibly…

"I love you," he said.

You took his face in your hands and kissed him then, and he allowed you to lead to how deep and invasive the kiss became before leaning down to mark his neck with your lips. He moaned contentedly every time you did that, and this time was no different.

You were going to make him feel *sooo* good.

You lowered yourself back down onto his cock slowly, clenching yourself around him as hard as you could until he was fully inside you, and his head rested on one of his arms still bound beside his head.

"You're doing such a good job, Ken."

"Mm…I…good..Ken…" His moans were accompanied by an attempt at words every few breaths as he became less coherent.

You fucked him gently and he was so sensitive that his body began to tremble a couple of time. Each time you would stop fucking him until he calmed down and then you would begin again, his voice becoming more of a whimper the longer you edged him on, and at last when it seemed every ounce of energy had been drained from him, you gave him what he deserved.

He lay limp, shuddering, moaning incoherently, muscles still spasming of their own accord as much as they could muster after becoming exhausted.

"You've done so, so incredibly well, Ken." The shock of you allowing him his release was like a lightning bolt shot through him and he sobbed your name endlessly, head thrown back, eyes clenched as his body convulsed underneath you.

You watched him closely as he began to calm down, tears stinging his eyes, his body still shaking a little. You got up and tore off his restrains one by one, untying his hands last, and his tired muscles fell by his sides as he lay underneath you, panting.

You were scared now. Was this how he felt when he had spanked you for the first time? Like, that he could have actually gone too far? Had YOU gone too far?

"Ken?" you didn't meant for your voice to come out in a whisper. "Are you okay?"

He looked at you, rolling his head on the pillow to do so, as he seemed too tired to even raise it at the moment. "Kiss me," he demanded, soft and delicate, but you knew it was a command.

You kissed him deeply and he did the same, and his eyes locked on yours when you pulled back. "I love you so much, y/n."

You spent the next hour taking care of him. You sat upright against the headboard and he relaxed into your body, his being nestled against your chest and in-between your legs, humming sleepily as you massages his hands and wrists, peppered him with kisses, told him how much you loved him and cuddled his face. At one point he took your legs and folded your ankles across his waist, his forehead leaning into your neck.

"Just like being close to you," he murmered.

After having come down for awhile, he began to shiver a little and you coaxed him into the shower where you gentle bathed him off, the heat making him comfortable again, as your fingers danced across his body with soap suds, and he held you under the running water close to him, one arm wrapped around your waist and the other holding the side of your face as he languished himself in your kisses.

You both ended up back in bed just as the sun was beginning to rise, and you thanked the gods that you didn't have class today as Ken pulled you into him like always, but unlike usual, he fell asleep almost instantly, and you got to experience him sleeping around you, hearing his little moans and breathing, feeling his body limp and relaxed all around you. You hugged the arm that held you to him and nuzzled into the pillows, drifting off.

"Hey."

Ken's voice broke through your sleep, and you blinked your eyes open. The room was bright with the day's sunlight, and you had a moment of struggle to come to, you had been so deeply asleep.

The moment your eyes adjusted, you looked up and saw Ken beside you, kneeling, his cock looking painfully hard and a smirk on his face. You attempted to move but realized your wrists were bound above your head tightly, and you saw Ken's fist clenched around a leather belt in his right hand. You sucked in air sharply, already overwhelmed when you hadn't even been fully awake a whole minute ago.

Ken leaned over you now, your mind racing as he stared down at you, kissing you lovingly before nipping at your lower lip and running the belt gently up your thigh.

"Now," his words made you already want to tremble, "it's my turn."

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(Pst. I plan to complete the second part to this as a "bonus" part, but wanted Ken's first sub! experience to be its own chapter. If you want Ken's dom! time, too, I'll be posting it soon, because I have SOOO many ideas and I cannot *not* write it. I promise <3)

Tags: @microwgreen @skeletonea @sunpuffsstuff @maxcsworld @michaelslover @m21-k @uncle-eggy @heyareyoulistening @cliffbar-booth @exo-wayv

[bruh-changbin]

love and leather

pairing: bad boy changbin! x afab reader

genre: smut

warnings: use of handcuffs, piv, exhibitionism, fingering (f receiving), some smoochin', alcohol consumption, cigarette smoking, an icky man being kinda icky, i think that's all

word count: 3.4K

a/n: before y’all say anything i knowwww this is short but y'all i'm busy and fuck in my last semester of uni and i kinda need to prioritize that a bit more 😭 buuuuut on the flip side i am slowly but surely making progress on some longer fun things so keep your eyes peeled 🫶 this fic is basically a love letter to bad boy eyeliner bin *sigh* when will he return from war..... also lowkey a continuation of under the bleachers but also not really.... no real plot just smutty bc i've been super horknee lately lawl enjoy

————

seo changbin likes a lot of things.

he likes eyeliner and smoking cigarettes and hard sex. he likes going fast on his motorcycle and he likes his tattered leather jacket. he likes getting piercings with silver jewelry and he likes pretending that the taste of tequila doesn’t affect him.

but above all, he likes you.

he likes your pretty teeth and the curve of your neck. he likes the leather platform boots you bought to try to impress him. he likes the smell of your shampoo that’s now permanently interwoven into the fabric of his pillow.

he likes it when you cry when you cum and when you dig your teeth into his shoulder as he fucks you. he likes the way your speech becomes slurred after he’s given you countless mind-blowing orgasms.

he likes to be in control. but not in a weird, lowkey misogynistic way. more in a ‘i’m gonna fuck you so hard and act cold so we both feel good and then kiss away your tears because i love you more than anything else’ kind of way, you know? that’s why handcuffs are such a staple in your relationship.

you remember the first time he used those cold, metal cuffs on you.

it was after a halloween party and changbin was dressed up as, you guessed it, a police officer. the party was fun at first but soon grew to be quite boring. when changbin started to get a little too handsy was when you decided to call it a night. the cab ride back to your apartment was excruciatingly long and when you arrived you unlocked your door with trembling, sweaty hands.

no words needed to be exchanged for you to know to get onto your mattress on your stomach, hands behind your back where changbin cuffed them in place with a satisfying metallic click! 

his movements were painstakingly slow, removing and discarding your bottoms and costume at a torturous pace to tease you (for what you have no idea - your costume wasn’t even that revealing). you could feel the tip of his nose tracing the skin in between your shoulder blades before he fucked you from behind, his blunt nails digging into your hips and he gripped you like he was never gonna let go. all you could do was cry and drool into your bedding as your boyfriend brought you to orgasm so many times your legs felt like tv static.  

every time you tried to move, tried to find solace and stability by gripping the duvet underneath you, you were reminded of the cuffs that were binding your wrists together. changbin would chuckle every time he heard them clink and jingle, knowing he had complete and utter control over you. if anything it added fuel to his fire, resulting in him thrusting his cock into you in such a way that made it feel as if he was so deep inside of you that the two of you would forever be connected.

when he finally relented and unlocked you, your wrists were bruised and throbbing - it felt amazing. 

the stinging of your wrists coupled with the pulsing of your abused cunt had you passing out on changbin’s broad chest in minutes and falling into one of the deepest sleeps you had ever experienced. 

but of course, come morning time, he treated you as if you were royalty and kissed the marks that his handcuffs left on you with so much delicacy you thought you were going to turn into a puddle. 

unbeknownst to the outside world, seo changbin has a soft side; which you discovered the first time he brought you into his room and had forgotten to hide his munchlax plushie beforehand. watching him scramble to hide it under his bed made the situation 10 times worse, and all he could do was scratch the back of his neck sheepishly as you attempted to stifle your laugh.

once the two of you became, you know, official, he let this side of him shine through more often. 

at times he treats you as if you’re made of porcelain, as if you’ll crack and break at even the slightest touches - hence the way he traces the back of your hand with his thumb when you’re holding hands, his strokes akin to that of a feather.

you’ve lost track of the amount of times he’s almost burnt your kitchen down while attempting to make you breakfast after making love to you for hours on end the night before. it always ends the same, with changbin holding a plate of toast so burnt it's turned into bedrock and scrambled eggs you could bounce off the wall because of how rubbery they are. the result is always changbin dragging you to your favourite cafe for brunch in defeat, claiming that ‘it’s the thought that counts, y/n’. 

but only you have the privilege of seeing him like this. these small, tender moments reserved only for the two of you in private, away from the curious eyes of onlookers in public. 

on the days where both of you are lucky enough to not have to pull yourself out of bed early for the sake of attending a lecture or getting work done, you get to revel in the warmth provided by each other’s sleeping bodies. if you wake before changbin, you’re greeted with a view of his broad shoulders, his skin dotted with small imperfections and the bumps of his individual vertebrae visible. small, soft snores can be heard escaping his parted lips. if changbin wakes before you do… he never does.

sometimes you’re able to spend the whole entire day together without having to tend to other duties. these days usually entail slow, lazy starts to the day followed by changbin dragging you to the gym to watch him do lat pulldowns and cable rows followed by a shared shower where you help massage shampoo into his scalp. or, it could involve the two of you screaming at the tv as you battle over the top spot in mario kart 8 - changbin mains bowser, of course, whereas you opt to play as king boo. it takes almost all of your strength to avoid whipping your remote at the wall when he absolutely clobbers you during grumble volcano. 

“don’t be upset y/n,” he coos without fail, “i’ll make it up to you later tonight!”

and he always does.

in public, he’s brooding, mysterious, sexy. it’s rare to see him without a cocky smirk painted across his face, his puffed lips quirked upwards as if to say ‘i’m better than you’ to anyone who crosses his path. and it’s true, he is.

he’s also the type to get jealous very easily.

case in point: 

it’s friday night, and the two of you are perusing the city streets looking for some fun. earlier in the day, jisung had informed you that a small group of friends was planning on paying a visit to a well loved bar to get sloshed later that night. with nothing better to do, you and changbin accepted the invitation.

at first it was fun, with everyone reconnecting and catching eachother up on the current drama in their lives. but after an hour or two the vibe changed and the atmosphere became almost… cliquey. everyone had chosen their respective person or group for the night, choosing to only converse within their little bubble and never straying from it. this resulted in you and changbin fleeing the scene, opting to enjoy yourselves elsewhere where you can get lost in the music and each other… and alcohol. 

soon after you’re at the front of a line for some club you’ve never been to with changbin’s arm wrapped around your waist as the bouncer checks your i.d. you’re let in with a nonchalant wave of a hand, and changbin follows shortly after.

once inside you make your way up the stairs to where the crowd is, choosing to forgo coat check and instead tossing your jackets on top of a pile that has formed on one of the few tables lining the walls near the entrance. then, you make a beeline to the bar where you order yourself a vodka cran and changbin a heineken. 

with alcohol in hand you shove your way to the middle of the dance floor, getting lost in the club music while bumping and grinding on your boyfriend who’s posted up behind you. you’re not sure how much time you spend on the dancefloor with warm cheeks and limbs that have gone fuzzy, but it feels as if time itself has come to a momentary halt, allowing you to enjoy yourself in this moment while the world continues on outside without you. 

so, when changbin taps your shoulder and motions to the bar to wordlessly say ‘i’m going to get more drinks’ you only nod and continue to dance on your own while you wait for his return. 

this decision proves to be fatal however, for only moments after changbin’s departure you feel a clammy hand wrap around your bicep. you whip around only to find yourself face to face with some random man wearing a nike tracksuit ogling at you like you’re the last piece of his favourite candy at the candy store. gross. 

“sorry, are you trying to get past me?”

“nah i’m trying to get with you, ma,” he practically yells into your ear in order to be heard over the music.

“oh! no thanks, my boyfriend’s at the bar getting drinks,” you say and attempt to shuffle away, an action that proves to be harder than you thought due to the mass of people surrounding you.

much to your dismay, the man persists, “boyfriend? why’d he leave you here all alone?”

“... to get us drinks.”

“well, if i was your man i’d never leave you alone, princess.”

princess? gross. only changbin gets to call you that… when he’s fucking you.

“is everything okay, y/n?” you feel an arm nudge yours and turn around to see changbin, your knight in shining armour, who’s come to save you from this god awkward conversation. in each hold he hands a drink, one for you and one for himself, and you fear what he may do with them in the next few moments.

“yea, all good, this guy was just being… weird,” 

the skepticism that was previously evident on changbin’s face quickly morphs into annoyance (and jealousy at the prospect of someone other than himself making moves on you). without speaking he shoves the recently acquired drinks into your hands - making you scramble to stop yourself from dropping them and creating a sticky, syrupy mess all over the dance floor - before moving to size up the ‘bro’ that was just hitting on you with his chest puffed and chin held high. 

not wanting to get into any sort of trouble tonight, you practically throw yourself in front of the freight train that is your boyfriend.

“no! it’s fine, changbin, let’s just forget him and have a good time, ‘kay?” you attempt to reason with him to no avail. all changbin does is shift his gaze between you and the guy who was making moves on you several times before wordlessly grasping your arm and pulling you towards the exit; you’re forced to abandon the dripping drinks in your hands on the edge of the bar (not before you manage to spill about half of one all over your lower arm).

soon you’re out of the crowded space, and are making your way towards the exit of the building and the city streets that are surely still teeming with nightlife.

“bin-” 

“we’re going home,” he asserts, “i don’t want anyone talking to you like that.”

all you can do is allow yourself to be dragged behind your boyfriend like a ragdoll, his grip on your wrist so tight your fingertips start to lose their sensation. you know that any words of dissatisfaction you voice will be falling on deaf ears, so you opt to keep quiet and let changbin take the lead.

the bite of the cold night air of the winter jolts you awake once you step outside. a dull ring settles in your ears as the loud club music dissipates and changbin drags you further and further away from the establishment, almost dislocating your shoulder when he suddenly yanks you down a small, secluded alleyway. 

“bin i’m fine, really,” you attest, your eyes never leaving the troubled face of your boyfriend, who pulls a pack of marlboros and a lighter out of his pocket. you watch as he places a cigarette between his lips before lighting it, using his hand to shelter the flame from the wind. in that moment you become envious of a measly little cigarette, for you so desperately wish that it was you and your mouth that changbin was putting his lips on and inhaling deeply, sucking you in like you’re his lifeline. 

a haze of smoke soon surrounds you as changbin takes several drags from his dart, his eyes dark and refusing to meet yours. the scent burns your nostrils and you have to fight back the urge to cough; smoking only appeals to you when you’re drunk, and the alcohol you consumed earlier in the night has mostly exited your system.

with a sigh that manifests in a grey cloud changbin tosses his half-smoked cigarette to the ground, squashing the spark with the heel of his boot before catching your eye. his leather jacket rustles as he raises his hands to cup your face, the pads of his thumbs caressing your cheeks.

“you’re mine, and nobody else’s,” his gaze is so piercing it feels as if he’s going to burn a hole through you, “right?”

you nod enthusiastically, head bobbing up and down as you whisper a quiet ‘right’ through squished cheeks and puckered lips - lips that are then being pressed against your boyfriends. 

changbin tastes like the nicotine he just inhaled and smells like the cologne he saturated himself with earlier this evening, and you find yourself getting drunk all over again on something other than alcohol this time - him. 

with your back pressed up against a brick wall you allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of your lover’s mouth on yours, enraptured by the way changbin moves his lips in tandem with your own. the warmth radiating from the palms of his hands that have yet to leave your face makes your cheeks flush, and you tangle your fingers in the wavy strands of his hair that he’s choosing to let grow out, much to your delight. 

the skin of your cheek stings when it’s exposed to the cold as changbin retracts his hand from your face, the tips of his fingers tracing the skin of your neck and sternum before reaching the waistband of your bottoms. his curious hand only hovers there for a moment before slipping underneath, not allowing a mere piece of fabric to be an obstacle in the way of your pleasure. a feeble moan escapes you when changbin gropes your cunt over your panties, the fabric already sticky and wet with your arousal. 

“here, bin?” you question while scanning your surroundings, making sure there isn't anyone spying on the two of you being exhibitionists, “are you sure this is a good idea?’

“the best one i’ve ever had,” as he speaks his lips graze your neck, his breath hot and heavy before he starts to nip and suck at the supple skin; your pulse skyrockets and you clamp your thighs shut, ultimately trapping changbin’s hand in between them. 

he manages to pry your legs apart just enough in order to move his hand, sliding your panties to the side and running two deft fingers through the folds of your dripping, needy pussy. it’s funny in the sense that changbin’s actions are so simple yet they already have you whining in pleasure, head rolling forward as you hide yourself in the crook of his neck. 

“shhh baby, try to keep it down,” he coos, yet continues on nonetheless - easy for him to say, he’s not the one taking your fingers in an alleyway where a bunch of drunk people are parading by only metres away. 

changbin continues to play with your cunt nonchalantly, much to your chagrin. every now and then he lets the tip of his middle finger dip into your dripping hole, causing you to go weak in the knees as the calloused heel of his palm kisses and bumps your aching clit.

“binnie,” you heave out rather embarrassingly, “i need it.”

“my girl needs my fingers in her pretty pussy, huh?” he teases, you nod pathetically with glassy eyes.

and at long last changbin finally relents and slips his middle and ring fingers fully inside of you, your cunt immediately clenching around his digits. the way he drags his fingers in and out of you so slowly before fucking them back into you feels so euphoric that you can’t help the goofy, drunken smile that makes its way onto your face as you drool onto the shoulder of his leather jacket. 

with his broad shoulders shielding you from the outside world, changbin begins to curl and scissor his fingers inside of your warm, wet walls, making you moan and plead against his neck.

“god binnie you’re so good, feels so fucking good,” you cry through cracked lips while blinking away the eyeliner that stings your shiny, tearfilled eyes. 

changbin then uses his thumb to massage your clit while his fingers continue to reach deep inside of you, making your lower abdomen twist and churn and your heart go thump thump thump from behind your chest. your fingers only tighten their grip on changbin’s jacket as you subtly rock your hips against his hand in an attempt to bring your orgasm on sooner.

you find yourself tuning out the sounds of traffic and people and nightlife to instead hone in on the beating of changbin’s heart that you can hear beating in his chest, your moans that only continue to increase in pitch, the rustle of bin’s jacket as he fingers you. 

“so close honey, can you cum for me?” changbin groans into your ear in response to your pussy clenching around his fingers, a telltale sign that you’re on the brink of finishing all over his hand. at this point your back is aching from being pressed against brick for so long and you have a headache from how intensely you’ve been furrowing your brows, but the fire you feel in your aching pelvis makes it all worth it.

it only takes changbin several more thrusts before you’re creaming all over his fingers, whining his name is a nasally, needy tone as you all but collapse against his built frame as your orgasm explodes inside of you like fireworks. after a few moments you begin to come down, immediately noticing how dry your open mouth is and how sore your fingers are from gripping changbin’s jacket with everything you got.

when you pull away from changbin to stand up straight, a string of spit from your mouth to his jacket follows you - you wipe it away and pray he didn’t notice. it takes you a second to fully regain your balance and when you do, changbin finally lets go of your hips only to move his soiled fingers to his mouth where he sucks them clean of your essence. then he places his mouth on yours, allowing you to taste yourself on his tongue before he swallows you down his throat. 

words needn’t be exchanged for you to know what comes next, you simply follow changbins lead as he drags you all the way home and makes a mess of you on the sheets of his bed.

[sapphicflower-ao3]

what are ur personal favorite fics? i can be a bit picky and have a hard time finding fics but i love ur writing and i feel like we might have similar tastes based on that :3

i'm sorry it took me like a week to get to this!! i wanted to compile my faves and write notes for each of them... and i went overboard LOL. but thanks so much omg, i'm flattered that you would trust my taste based on my writing!

these are all bkdk obviously :)

i. 'In Case of Fire' - passengerside

post-canon // complete // 11K // E

an absolute MASTERPIECE!!! this author has become a recent favourite of mine, i love the way they incorporate little details into their work and make the mundane so beautiful.

highly recommend all of their other works, especially 'Pacemaker'! so freaking beautiful and fun and the lead up to the confession was a genuine holding-my-breath moment

ii. 'Sun Hands' - yesthisisnarumi

snowboarding AU // complete // 5K // T

i've re-read this one so many times it's SOOOOO good! so fun and so classically bkdk it's insane. everybody say thank you OP for giving us the rival olympic champions to lovers story we needed

iii. 'all that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing' - maxisnotokay

UA compliant // complete // 11K // T

i dont usually read a lot of whump but this was brilliant, im a sucker for this specific trope and for LOVE CONFESSIONS YEASS!!! obvi it has a happy ending bc i wouldnt have it any other way. a good length too :)

iv. 'Spinnin' On Our Feet' - sage_and_cinnamon

High School AU // ongoing // 47K // M

UNDERRATED AS FUCK and my favourite ongoing fic right now. i usually dont read jock x nerd AUs but this fic is so brilliantly funny and charming and heartwarming and it blew all my expectations out of the water and then some. i've been following it for ages and it's been on hiatus for a good while, but it updated recently and when i tell you it was the best day of my freaking life...

v. 'In Perfect Rhythm' - chalk

Band AU // complete // 50K // E

yes how surprising, a band AU fic in my faves list. anyway shut up, chalk is literally godlike in their writing and this fic was SO FUN and scratched all the itches. nothing gets me going more than awkwardly endearing izuku n rockstar katsuki

vi. 'Last Days of War' - antisora

Pacific Rim AU // complete // 44K // M

GENUINELY ONE OF HUMANITY'S BEST PIECES OF LITERATURE???? fuck. i never have the proper words for this fic, but it is SO gripping and the worldbuilding is so tight and their relationship development is so good and the CLIMAX OF THIS HAS BEEN MORE EPIC THAN HALF THE BLOCKBUSTERS I'VE SEEN. i beg you to read this even if you have never watched Pacific Rim. or maybe go watch the movie and get EDUCATED and then read this! i'm begging you, dear reader!!

vii. 'Ingenium' - crandberrycrush

Astronauts AU // complete // 85K // E

guys i love sci-fi sorry lol. this one is another brilliant fic. OP put so much blood, sweat and tears into research and it shows, it is just very intelligent and the plot itself is HEART RACING and GUTTING and THRILLING. there's a lot of POVs and it really fleshes it out, tho ofc bkdk is the main thing. happy ending obvi! it is the space/astronaut drama that i love and adore, just BKDKified now!

viii. 'The Magic in a Mirror' - totallyrottentomatoes

Magic/Circus AU // complete // 80K // E

oh how surprising, a totallyrottentomaoes fic in my faves list. anyone who knows me knows that i rec this fic all the time. it's one of my all time favourites, if not my favourite of all time lol, and it's really because of the writing and the imagery and the characterisation and the relationships b/w all the characters. it's all just so well done and MAGICAL. no joke, if i could print and bind a fic into a book, it would be this one. no notes. perfection. caters to my tastes so specifically. i could go on about this fic forever but i'll shut up for now

also highly recommend 'The Distance Between Suns' by this author - it's a high fantasy epic with TIGHT AS FUCK worldbuilding, brilliantly written, the romance is BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, the payoffs are amazing, etc... this deserves to be published and revered

ix. 'Battle of the Bands' - roadtripwithlucifer

Band AU // complete // 168K // E

look i know i always rec this fic, i just can't help that it's like my favourite thing ever. roadtripwithlucifer and totallyrottentomatoes my BELOVEDS. the humour in this fic is so fucking yummy and brilliant, the writing is gorgeous in typical roadtrip fashion, the stakes are gripping, the climax is thrilling, the romance n yearning is INTENSE, the sex is hot as hell, the ending is so satisfying, just..... the whole package.

and while you're here, read other roadtripwithlucifer works like 'Nothing Else Fills' if you feel like destroying your heart :) an angsty and beautifully written time-travel-to-save-my-kacchan-gone-wrong war AU fic. i love OP's works but her more recent fics (eg. after battle of the bands) have had some of her best writing. i adore it when you can feel how an author has poured their soul into their work, you can always feel it in a roadtripwithlucifer work and it's just the cherry on top

x. 'Scar Tissue' - Loriqod

canon-compliant // complete // 18K // E

loriqod is another author with a characterisation that i fuck with so hard... this one was so full of that Yearning and Tension that i so vibe with. bonus points to the plots focus on bkdk's scars like yes pls more of that <3

anyway i might make a part 2 some other time, these are just the ones i grabbed from my public bookmarks. i have a lot of private ones and some of them i forgot to make public oops

hope u find smth u enjoy!

[epiicaricacy-arts]

without the sour the sweet wouldn’t taste

why are you as a man eating another man’s ear after you failed to make him eat his ex girlfriend. 🤨🏳️‍🌈⁉️

im allowed a bit of toxic yaoi. as a treat

process discussion utc ⬇️

for those familiar with my work you’ll know that i like trying a lot of new styles and experimenting in order to achieve a certain vibe. usually those are heavy painterly styles such as the sunday art inspired by Yuming Li, which is what i’m familiar and comfortable with, both traditionally and digitally

what im NOT familiar with is watercolour. i’ve never had a good time with it 🥲 i just cant seem to wrap my head around the process since its requires me to work backwards (light to dark vs dark to light)

for this piece i just couldn’t imagine myself rendering it in my usual style. i needed to do something new so that i’d stay invested enough in the piece considering that it has two people, meaning double the work. for some reason i thought it’d be fun to do double the work with a style i am completely uncomfortable with but oh well!! i managed to do it 🤷‍♀️ i was specifically looking at the works of Ko Byung Jun, an artist i’ve seen all over my pinterest feed

while i didn’t end up really following the style super closely i still learned quite a lot just by looking at it while i drew. i tried my best to stick to watercolour brushes and an ink pen but as i was nearing the end i needed to make some alterations that i wasn’t bothered to try fixing with the watercolour brushes so i just went over it with my digital ones 🫡 i did my best that’s what matters!!!

i had to repaint rody a few times cause i just couldn’t get it right and the colours never ended up matching vincent. i painted them separately and i think i got possessed while painting vincent cause it happened in like. 40 minutes. and i couldn’t get it to happen again 😔 it didn’t really matter cause i ended up going ham with the curves tool as always but you know 🤷‍♀️

here’s the image without all the effects:

i find lately it’s been more and more common for me to be sketching several iterations of a concept for days, even weeks before i land on something i like. i have an entire separate canvas that i’ve spent 5 hours just doing thumbnails trying to figure out how i wanted to pose these two in a way that would showcase the characteristics that mattered in the story of this piece.

that’s my process for coming up with drawings: i find inspiration somewhere, i figure out the key concepts/characteristics/symbols etc i want highlighted, and i work around those. sometimes i have a composition in mind or just a general vibe i want to portray. for this one i wanted to make sure the towel, rody’s injured finger and vincent’s face could all be clearly seen, while also portraying the fight scene and the vibe i get from the reference song. almost all of my work revolves around a specific lyric from the song which drives the story of the piece. here i interpreted the line “without the sour the sweet wouldn’t taste” as a connection to all the little actions vince takes with rody that can be seen as “sweet.” drying rody’s hair, bandaging rody’s cut. i then asked myself how i could take those actions and make them “sour” or show them in a different light, in which vince is biting the finger he bandaged and pulling rody closer, preventing his escape with the towel he used to dry his hair. what im trying to communicate in this illustration is the idea of “if it weren’t for how i’m treating you now, you wouldn’t understand how kind i was to you then” in an attempt to illustrate the complexities of the way vincent acts towards rody.

i’m truly in love with the story telling of this game. it’s hard to really say anything about how the characters acted during the story because it’s so complex in how it’s done. it’s very hard to summarize their relationship because there’s so much about it i can’t explain without just quoting the game directly. i think it’s such a beautiful portrayal of obsession and just being fucking weird about someone. i wanted to ensure the elements i mentioned in the above paragraph because i didn’t want to be portraying vincent as solely a villain and rody as a victim. i wanted the storytelling of this one illustration to live up to my impression of this beautiful game and i hope i did it justice.

thank you for reading this if you’ve made it this far. i love rambling on all my art posts cause i think it’s so valuable for artists to expand on their work outside of the result alone. i hope what im saying is at most helpful to someone and at the very least a good read. i’m probably gonna take a bit of an art break after this since it took a lot out of me, plus im on the last days of my trip. thank you again for reading!

here’s my dog