#this was done with my doodle brush and i honestly do not like to use that for the espio blog))//

[rainybubbles]

Silent- Gaz x plus size reader

Summary : Finding a way to relieve the stress of work in a DnD discord, Gaz meets Silent. A player whose microphone is always turned off, using chat only. Maybe he'll find a way to break the silence with them and finds why their mic is off…

(Sorry in advance, English is not my first language, so sorry if it's bad or OOC.)

-TW social anxiety.

-"What a quiet kid you've got there. I wish mine was as calm at home."

-"Oh, you know, they're pretty mature for their age."

-The laughter faded into distant murmurs as I glanced over at the other kids.

-Yelling, chasing, breaking a vase or two—my eyes couldn't look away from them.

-They seemed to inhabit a world entirely different from mine.

-A world where scraping by at month's end, nightly dinners, locking up the house, solo bus rides, laundry routines, and helping siblings with homework simply didn't exist.

-Because, after all, they were just eight years old.

- But so was I…

-So why didn't I have the right to have fun, yell, chat, ask for sweets, act immature, or doodle on walls?

- My hand reached out briefly, hoping for a connection, but my mom's glance quickly reminded me to stay put…

-Being silent seemed to be the key to earning praise and keeping peace.

-So, I stifled that urge, withdrawing into myself, standing alone behind her legs, engulfed in a heavy silence.

____________

"Silent, huh?"

-My gaze drifted slowly to the chat.

-"Yeah, dude, they're usually a regular on Thursdays. Never says a word, their mic's busted, can't afford to fix it," one of the guys responded.

-The tone carried a hint of disdain.

-I felt out of place.

-Yet, I stayed put, unable to leave the server.

-It was the only place where I felt I could express myself.

-Through words, carefully chosen, controlled, retyped, erased, and sculpted to bring a story to life—a space where my imagination, so often overlooked, could finally roam free.

-By chance, I'd become enamored with Dungeons and Dragons.

- The only snag, of course, was the void in my social life.

-So, like figuring out how long it takes to cook broccoli, I scoured the internet.

- Discord groups organized sessions. I panicked at the sound of mics, voices.

- What would they think of me? What should I say? What could I do? And then someone asked if my mic was broken.

- Ever since, I'd stayed that way, and the nickname Silent stuck.

"Hi Silent, then :) I'm Kyle aka Gaz."

-Usually, I ignored introductions.

- People interested me little, their characters were the interesting ones.

-However, Gaz hadn't spoken those words aloud.

- He had written them. It was stupid honestly, but few people wrote back to me, few people responded to me in writing.

-Everything was done orally.

-Suddenly, someone was on my turf, reaching out.

-The campaign proceeded as usual.

-My thoughts were focused on my actions, the dice rolls, and the resulting outcomes.

- Yet occasionally, I let my eyes wander over Gaz's profile.

________________

-"Hello guys, I don't know if I've played with some of you before or not. "

-"Don't worry, we accept everyone. The days are rarely fixed."

-Gaz was back. It was Friday. It was my favorite group, the game master Ylias really managed to transport you.

-"Well, I'll start then-"

-Ylias started rambling, I followed the story when I noticed a notification in the discord. My finger brushed it, and then ignored it.

-What would he think if I clicked now? that I'm a friendless attention-seeker? But if I wait, they'll think I don't care about the campaign?

-So I waited 5 minutes, trying to find the right balance between the two.

-"Hey, Silent. I missed a campaign without you, the others keep on rambling about their athletics, last time I even had a guy mimicking a goblin with his mic, I'm glad to see you back in text :) !!!"

-Pressure flooded over me. What should I reply? A heart? Thanks? Ignore it? Tell him he's nice too?

-"Thanks."

-Too cold, too short. I thought it wrong, I should delete it, rephrase it, add a smiley, make it warmer, he must think I'm a monster.

-"I think we should try opening the door, are you coming with me? I don’t feel like going into the forest with the rest of the team."

-Oh. Usually in campaigns, I go with the flow, I heal and stay in the background. I never-

-"You need a score of 13 for that, folks". Ylias said.

-"Come on, Silent, roll the dice." Gaz replied

-Nervously, my mouse hovered over the virtual dice. With a score of 15 showing, I heard Gaz's laughter.

-"I knew we had to do it! Let’s go, plus with your stealth, impossible to get spotted. "

-"We'll see about that." Ylias replied, laughing.

-And just like that, Gaz made me smile. It was probably one of the worst campaigns, but it was the first where I could finally choose my actions.

__________________________

-"Back again :) ?"

-" Yes."

-Dry, too dry.

-"I was waiting for you. "Gaz replied.

-" Why? "

-"I don’t want to play a campaign without you, you bring me luck."

-" I'm not sure about that. "

-"Yes. I tried a campaign with colleagues, we died blowing up. "

-"Probably because of your colleagues. "

-"Okay, maybe my colleague set fire to a mystery barrel. But it was their first campaign. "

-"You're recruiting? "

-"Introducing them. He's trying to quit smoking, and I thought DnD could occupy his free time."

-I stopped myself.

-Curiosity, imagination, everything overwhelmed me.

-What was it like to be close to colleagues like this, to freely discuss your passions, to laugh…

-"And then?"

-" It's not his thing, he's more into action. "

-"I see. "

-"It's not for everyone. "

-"Is it your thing? "

-"What? "

-"To let off steam? If your colleague needs it, so do you, right?"

-Stupid. Too personal a question. Invasive.

-"Yes. It allows me not to think, to be someone else."

-" Me too."

-" Plus, being an elf is great."

-" You say that because I am one."

-" Maybe. "

-"Thank you. "

-"For? "

-"Talking in chat. People usually ignore me outside of campaigns, they don't respond by text."

-" They ignore the sexiest elf?"

-" There's no image, you don't know what I look like"

-". Hm, exactly! I imagine your elf tall, muscular like the Rock, hair like Gordon Ramsay's, and maybe makeup like Ru Paul's."

-" I'm not sure about the result. "

-"Sexy."

-I snorted at my screen.

-"Ok."

-" How do you imagine me? "

-"Your wizard? "

-"Yes. "

-"With long hair, maybe dreadlocks, white eyes, and a smile. "

-"A smile?"

-" Your voice sounds soothing. "

-"Really? "

-"Yes, sorry, it's weird to say that, I shouldn't have."

-" No. No. I've never been told that, I was just surprised, that's all."

-" I see. "

-"So, a sexy elf and a smiling mage.

-"Sounds like the beginning of a weird porno."

-He responded with a meme.

_________________________

-"So, what do we decide, Silent? Honestly, I don't want to raid the goblin but the vampire to face, I'm sure the score will be high." Gaz asked through his mic

-"It's your choice, not mine."

-"they're right, Gaz, this one's all on you," Ylias said.

-"Can't I even ask for help?"

-"Score of 15 in insight to spot an ally." Ylias announced.

-Gaz scored a 10. No one addressed me throughout the campaign.

________________________

-"Back, Gaz?" someone said.

-Three weeks of radio silence.

-My mind had been looping, wondering if my refusal to break the rules had driven him to find a more interesting group, a more exciting duo.

-But there he stood, his username glowing green.

-"Yeah, I finally got some days off."

-"Good for you, man."

-"So spill, I see some new names and all!"

-Strangely, his voice had become grating to me. I didn't understand why, so before he could reach me, I disconnected.

- Alone in my apartment, I held my knees to my chest.

-Why am I reacting like this? He's entitled to a life, damn it.

-I fet like he...gave me up.

-Shit it's stupid.

-I didn't understand. I tried to calm myself, but the deafening silence of my apartment seemed to slowly engulf me, and before I knew it, I found myself in a new spiral of anxiety.

____________________________

-There were no campaigns. I just liked reading. Reading what had happened. Living vicariously, imagining their voices, their reactions.

-"hey :)"

-The off-campaign tab was blinking.

-He was addressing me, I knew it, I was the only one online with him.

-My thumb grazed the notification, but I ended up entering the chat.

-"hey."

The period was too harsh, too dry.

-"It's been a while! Something happened?"

-"Work." I answered.

-That's a lie.

- But lying is like oxygen, it's easy to come up with excuses to avoid others.

-But harder to let go of it to face the potential risks of social suffocation.

-"I know quite a bit, just got back from mine."

-"At 1 am?"

-"Yep."

-"Cook?"

"Soldier."

-A shiver ran through me. Uniforms had never been positive in my life.

- As the long seconds passed, I hesitated.

-"Not a fan?" Gaz asked.

-"You could say that."

-"Military family?"he asked.

-"yes."

-"I see."

-"Sorry, that's stupid."

-"No, I understand, I mean, we all have red flags." He said.

-"It's not a red flag."

-"You'd been quiet for 5 minutes."

-"With everyone." I answered.

-"Everyone?"

-"I'm not the best at socializing."

-"Really? Yet when you blew up a castle instead of talking to the princess in a campaign, it seemed normal to me." He joked.

-A laugh escaped.

-"And you?" he asked.

-"Me?"

-"Your job?"

-"Proofreader."

-"For books?"

-"Yes, I read, annotate, and correct."

-"No humans."

-"Exactly."

-"Would you like to add me? I'm not super comfortable with everyone seeing this."

-"Why?"

-Stupid. I should have accepted without questioning.

-"To prevent everyone from knowing the secrets of the sexiest elf on the discord."

-Always there to catch my blunders.

-I accepted it even though suddenly there was added pressure, what to say when there's a pause?

_____________

-"A dragon arrives and—"

-My eyes glanced at my notifications. Kyle was in the campaign but—

-"The narration is terrible, isn't it? The guy has been stuck on the dragon for thirty minutes while Théis killed it."

-He was writing to me. Like someone whispering in your ear during class.

-"Yes, Roxanne is a beginner, but she'll get there."

-"So kind."

-"Not really, one day I insulted a game master."

-"Oooh, a gangster among us?"

-"Never, besides, you'd arrest me, wouldn't you?"

-The ellipses seemed to linger.

-"I wouldn't mind."

-Oh.

-"I don't want to end up in a secret government cave."

-"Caves are old school, we have containers now."

-"I don't know if you're joking."

-"Classified."

-"Gaz…"

-"I'll keep the secret, I think you won't have a choice but to be arrested by me someday."

-"… it won't happen."

-"Why?"

-"I haven't committed any crimes."

-"Not even indecent exposure? I thought you were 45 years old and hiding in bushes naked."

-"For that, I'd have to leave my house."

-"Quite the homebody?"

-"You could say."

-"I'm the same, I don't like going out much."

-It's different. I didn't know what to add, so I let him continue the conversation.

-----------------------------

-"Still into your nerd stuff?"

-Gaz looked up at Soap.

-"It's not nerd stuff." Gaz said.

-"Dragon, princess, elf, discord all mixed together. It's nerd stuff. "Ghost replied

-"Dressing up as a skeleton at Hot Topic too, L.t."

-"Ooh, I wouldn't have liked that. "Soap laughed. "But seriously, don't you think about doing it for real? I mean, gathering around a table."

-"They think about it, but we all live in different parts of the world."

-But it would be amazing. Maybe he could even hear Silent's voice, see them…

-"Hm." Johnny said with a smirk

-"What?"

-"It sounds like you have someone in mind."

-"I don't have anyone in mind."

-"Not even an elf you get along with, Garrick?" Ghost retorted

-"I- we're a duo, it

-"It's different."

-"I mean it, we just get along."

-"So if you check discord in a military bar at 11 p.m., it's not to reply to him second by second?"

-"Shut up," Gaz said as the two laughed.

__________________________

-"You're not participating anymore?"

-I ignored his message.

-Three months.

-Three long months of descent, of confinement, of discomfort, of crises.

-Everything was too much.

-Crowds, outside, errands, people.

-My lungs constricted at the thought of meeting someone's gaze. My eyes avoided every contact. My lips were dry from lack of words.

-"I admit that campaigns suck without you," he had written.

-That was two weeks ago.

-"I refused to play with Théo, he wanted to take your place," he had sent.

-That was three months ago.

-"The office GIF."

-Three weeks.

-He… Gaz had never stopped.

-No matter the views, the winds, his boldness didn't stop.

-I was confused.

-Usually, people quit after a month.

-They had better things to do, and I understood. The burden of my social anxiety was mine and shouldn't inconvenience them.

-So why was Gaz standing there carrying this burden unknowingly? Coming back every day, bearing a heavier load…

-"hey."

-Three letters.

-Too short.

-Too dry.

-"Sorry." I continued.

-For what?

-I didn't deserve his forgiveness, I knew it.

-"Glad to see you're back :)" he replied.

-A tear rolled down my cheek.

-"thank you." I replied by text.

-For staying.

-For not asking questions.

-For welcoming me.

______________

-"Sorry, I was at the hospital, do you think I can join the campaign or not?" he had sent.

-My eyebrows raised.

-"No. Wait, you're just out of the hospital and your concern is DnD?"

-"I should really stay by my favorite elf's side."

-"Gaz, seriously, are you okay?"

-"Fractured ribs."

-"Ouch."

-"Broken arm."

-"Wait, what—"

-"And a bullet in the thigh."

-"Wtf."

-"But I'm fine."

-"No."

-"I assure you, I've had worse."

-"And???? You need to rest, not focus on rolling dice to defeat Mindflyers."

-"…but I have no distractions."

-"I'm here."

-"You're in the campaign."

-"No."

-"Wait, what—"

-"I- I saw you were absent so I didn't…join that one."

-"But you only play on that day."

-"I know. But it's not the same without you."

-I didn't know he was currently smiling like an idiot.

-"Thanks, Silent."

-"No worries. Besides, I was also coming out of the hospital."

-"WHAT?! Why didn't you start with that?!"

-"It's ridiculous."

-"No, are you okay?"

-"It's awkward."

-"Oh, serious awkward or-?"

-"No, I'm used to it. I- I took the tram and I couldn't handle it, the crowd was too big, I passed out inconveniencing a hundred people, embarrassing."

-"That's not embarrassing."

-"Yes, I made people late, Gaz."

-"And??? It was for your health."

-"No, I should've known I couldn't handle taking the tram. It's been two years since I couldn't do it, I shouldn't have tried again."

-"Two years?"

-Shit. I said too much.

-"Forget that."

-"Wait, no. You help distract me when I'm on base, I can listen to you in return :)! "

-"There's nothing to say, I don't handle social stuff, that's all."

-"So, your mic, that's it?"

-"Yes."

-"My sister has it too."

-"Has what?"

-"Social anxiety."

-"I see."

-"I know it's different for everyone, but don't give up. Honestly, it's a huge step, right? Taking the tram after two years. Surely you wouldn't succeed all at once, I mean it's like rolling a 20-sided die hoping for a 35."

-I snorted.

-"Nerd."

-"You're a nerd too, Silent."

-"yes, I- I just thought I could succeed, tell myself I could do it."

-"You did it."

-"I passed out."

-"So what? next time can't be worse."

-"Yes, if I have another one."

-"Then you'll have another one, I'm sure you'll manage. Look, I can even show you a tutorial."

-I furrowed my brows and saw a video. A man in an apartment, a cast on one arm, his face cut off from the frame.

-"Quick tutorial for falling on a tram. So lesson 1, stand next to a tall person. We want a good pillow when we fall, so tall people are perfect. Then manage the fall. Fall on the person, not forward. We want to avoid a bloody nose. Especially if there are vampires on the horizon." Gaz said in the video.

-He lay on the ground pretending to fall.

-"Step three, play dead to see sexy firefighters and avoid stares, and step 4 get taken home while flexing in the truck."

-I snorted.

-"Wow, thanks for the tutorial."

-"I know, I know. Passing out pro here."

-"Do you often fall on fridges?"

-"Hm, considering the build of my colleagues, you could say that."

-"Are they as tall and wide as a fridge?"

-"My L.T. yes. With Soap, we even thought he was an android, I mean it's not human to be that built."

-"You look fit too."

-"Oh, a compliment?"

-"Gaz, I-"

-"But yes, honestly, I try to do his routine but I think his genetics play a big part."

-"Shame, no Fridge Gaz then."

-"No, you'll have to settle for Normal Gaz."

-A smile slowly spread across my face.

-"Thanks for the video, it was funny."

-"You're welcome. Plus, if I can flex with my favorite elf."

-"I'm not an elf."

-"Nothing proves me wrong."

-"Gaaaaaazzzz"

____________________________

-"Who are you posing for? "

-"No one."

-" So shirtless, sunlight, flexed arms for no one? Damn, don't tell me it's for your mom. "

-"SOAP!"

-" I'm just asking, man."

-" It's for Silent. "

-"Oh, your magical voiceless elf."

-" It's not— "

-"Yes, yes, not a magical elf, I know, no need to give me another DnD lecture."

-Gaz sighed.

-His selfie was good.

-Shirtless, in the sand, sun rising.

-He looked good.

-But he was nervous.

-What if it was too much?

-After all, this little game of sending each other sunrises or sunsets had started by chance.

-Silent had told him the view was beautiful and sent him a sunset from their window.

-Gaz replied with one from Las Almas, and eventually whenever he went to a new country, he would send a photo.

-But now… maybe it was too much?

-Sending his face.

-Price would kill him.

-But he wanted to progress the relationship.

-Maybe his face could appeal to Silent, they would send him a voice note or even a selfie back?

-"Is this too much? "

-"Hm? "Soap asked confused.

-"This photo, is it too much? "

-"For a thirst trap?"

-" To say hello."

-" It depends on the hello. "

-"Hello as in "I'm showing you my face for the first time." "

-"Oh, maybe. I thought it was a "hello, did you sleep well because look what I could bring to your bed" kind of thing. …But if I received this photo, I'd be happy. "

-"Soap. "

-"I mean, man, you're handsome."

-" Soap. "

-"Plus, who would say no to your abs? "

-"No need to- you know what, I'll send it. "

-"Also, you—"

-Gaz ignored him and sent it.

-Damn, he hoped everything would be fine.

________________________

-Beautiful.

-Too beautiful.

-My eyes scanned that smile not knowing what to do.

- How could someone like that end up playing DnD?

-I closed the conversation.

-I am…. Out of his league.

-So much.

-I could barely bring myself to look at my mirror.

-I knew what I would see there.

- My rolls, my thighs, my stretch marks, my horrible hair, this disproportionate face.

-I'm not ugly.

- But I'm not…I'm not like him

-. I'm the second choice, I'm aware of that.

-I don't get free compliments.

- Nobody turns back to look at me. I'm just…there.

-And him.

- He seemed so radiant, so kind. Damn, I wasted his time.

__________________________

-"So? " Soap asked

-"It's been two weeks with no response."

-" Ouch. "

-"It's not— Sometimes it happens, I think they are doubting."

-" Doubting what? "

-"Themselves. They…before every message, they take 5 minutes to rewrite it, every syllable is thought out and then I send this out of nowhere, I didn't handle it well."

-" You couldn't have known, Kyle. "

-"Yes. YES, I could and I messed up. They told me about their anxiety and then I send them a half-naked photo when I've never even heard their voice. "

-"Try to talk to them then. hmph."

_____________________

-"hey."

-My eyes hesitated.

-"hey." I finally replied

-" For the selfie, I can explain. "

-"No, I- it's not your fault."

-" Yes, honestly, I screwed up" he texted back

-". No, I've been looping again. "

-"You- "

-"seeing you, it was…good, really, but too good." I answered.

-" Too good?"

-"I feel- Illegitimate to talk to you. "

-"what- "

-"You're so- beautiful, and smiling and nice, and the only thing I do is disappear for days and turn up out of the blue. I-"

-" And it's okay, we talked about it." he said.

-" But you deserve better as friends."

-" I decide what I deserve, Silent. And no one beats you. "

-"…I- I don't know what to say. "

-"Send me your sunset :) I haven't had mine."

-Damn. A tear rolled down and I took my phone and sent my sunset. How can someone be so adorable?

-"Perfect." he replied

_________________

-He had continued to send his face on the sunsets. It was stupid, but I waited every time he could and I rewatched them.

-However, it had been three months of silence. I wasn't worried, he was probably on a mission somewhere.

-By a stroke of courage, I had put my phone down to take a photo with the sunset.

-He wouldn't see it. I would delete it.

-But for a moment, I felt beautiful. The sunlight on me warmed me, my outfit was cute, my curves were beautiful.

-I sent it. I would delete it tomorrow. After all, Kyle had said it could last four months.

___________

-"Hey, everything alright, mate?"

-"They're amazing."

-"Lasswell or tony ? For Lasswell of course, why do you think her wife is—"

-"Look."

-Soap raised an eyebrow and glanced at Kyle's phone.

-"Oh, oh."

-Kyle couldn't tear his eyes away from his screen

-. During the mission return, he had picked up his phone and seen a notification. Clicking out of habit, he saw it.

-their smile, their hair, their body. My god.

-"Lucky bastard." Soap said.

-They were perfect. And their belly, their hips, everything was beautiful. Kyle had always preferred curvy people, it was a fact.

-Sure, he had imagined that silently they could be one, but the fact that it was true… It filled his heart with joy.

-"They… damn. "he murmured, zooming in on every detail.

-Mole or freckle, he observed every pixel.

_____________________

-"So the elf wasn't the only one sexy." he texted.

-I raised an eyebrow at the notification as I woke up.

-"Hm?"

-"The photo. "he replied.

-Oh fuck.

-"You saw it?"

-"Yes, I shouldn't have?"

-"I thought of deleting it before, I—"

-"Oh."

-"But did you like it?"

-"Yes. you— I— honestly, I can't stop looking at it. you look radiant."

-He was lying. -No?

-"And that outfit is amazing on you, really."

-It hugs everything, why… why is he complimenting that?

-Usually, people say "those jeans make you look thinner than you are" "you look better in loose clothes" "hide your rolls".

-"Thank you."

-" I have to admit I'm so relieved. I mean if you ended up being a 40-year-old, I wouldn't have been so confident I think."

-"Oh really, wrinkles and gray hair aren't your thing?"

-"No, I'm more into curves and people my age."

-"Damn, I was about to confess that I was 70 years old". I joked.

-"I can make exceptions, but only for elves."

-"I'm lucky then."

-"Very. I— I hope to have more, or occasionally."

-"Of?"

-"Photos of you, it's more beautiful than a sunset."

"-oh."

-A warmth spread to my cheeks, a smile settling in.

-"ok."

-"ok?"

-"Okay."

___________________

-"Do you think I'll hear your voice someday?"

-It was late, or early for him and late for me.

-"I don't know."

-showing my face in a photo…

-I could control that, take back the photo, delete it, edit it. But talking…

-Talking is taking up space.

-"I imagine it smooth."

-"My voice?"

-"Hm, like a stream, it rocks slowly."

-"I might have a smoker's voice."

-"That would suit you too."

-"Maybe one day then."

-"I'm looking forward to that."

_____________________

-Those were the last words sent from him.

-No more contact.

-His absence wasn't due to missions, he had confessed to me that he was off the day before.

-So he had decided to stop.

-I tried to find excuses, before accepting the reality of it.

-Days passed and I hoped he would come back.

-Maybe he was like me, needing time to recover.

-Maybe he was hurt.

-Everything was silent.

-When four months had finally passed, I understood.

-He had grown tired of the silence. I held back a sob and closed the discussion.

-A stab wound would have been better I think.

-To ease the constant pain and intense questions in my mind.

-What had I done wrong? Was I too much? Did I ask the wrong question? Should I have kept quiet?

-Everything was spinning and I finally closed the app. damn.

_____________________________

-My feet led me to the publishing house.

-Today I had to make the final corrections for Madame Lasswell before her vacation with her wife Kate.

-Hesitant, I knocked on her door.

-An "enter" was heard and I entered the already crowded room.

- A mustached man in a beanie, a masked man, a mullet, Kate, and Gaz were watching me.

-My eyes betrayed my surprise at his presence. What was he doing here? Why now? How should I react?

-"Y/n, sorry for the crowd. I guess you have it."

-"Yes ma'am."

-My voice barely above a whisper was usual for Jocelyn. I handed her the manuscripts.

-"We're going to drink at the bar downstairs, do you want to come?"

-Come? To a crowded place, surrounded by drunk people, constant noise, blinding lights with the icing on the cake being a guy who blew me off for the year?

-"No, I'm busy tonight, sorry."

-"No problem."

-Slowly my heels turned, I took the elevator but I heard footsteps. Kyle was with me.

-"I was on a mission."

-"hm."

-"I know I told you no, but he… there were quite a few problems and I had to leave, I didn't have time to warn you, it dragged on, Ghost broke my phone by sitting on it with his stupid hard ass, and we just got back from the airport actually. Lasswell, Kate finally— she works with us so that's why I'm here"

-A silence stretched, he took a breath.

-"you didn't have to explain… I mean after the word mission, I understood I was wrong."

-"I wanted to be clear."

-"I should have asked and sent you messages."

-"No, it's okay, it must have seemed suspicious. I ask for your voice, you say no, and I disappear. The conclusion was logical."

-"but it wasn't the right one."

-"It's okay, we're here, aren't we?"

-"yes."

-The elevator rang, the door opened. Hesitant, I watched him.

-"I love it." -"hm?"

-"your voice."

-"Oh."

-"I… you're really busy tonight or…"

-"No, I just don't like…"

-"The crowd."he guessed

-"Hm."

-"I— I can invite you for dinner? At my place, we'll grab takeout, no crowds, no one to see us."

-"That sounds like the pitch of a serial killer."

-He widened his eyes. I snorted.

-"Okay, you got me." he chuckled.

-" At your place sounds good. Better than a restaurant." I admitted.

-"Cool, so…"

-"Shall we go then, yes". I murmured as he finally released the elevator button and we stepped out of the elevator.

_________________

-At his place, everything was calm.

-Not me.

-How should I stand? Too close? Too far? What to talk about? And what if I'm boring in the end? What to order? Does he like seafood or is he allergic? My eyes focused on every detail and…

-Everything's fine.

-His hand on mine, he took the initiative for the restaurant to order, asking me my preferences, and we waited for the delivery guy.

-Slowly, he asked questions about my work. I mastered it.

-And slowly everything unfolded naturally.

-Sitting on his couch, his hand not letting go of mine, he drew circles with his thumb while talking.

-I liked that. In groups, I liked… listening.

-People like to talk about themselves and I like listening to that, not participating, and Gaz understood that in such an impressive way.

-Occasionally, he asked questions in return, gauging my desire to speak, I answered and this back and forth held until the food arrived.

-Maybe everything would turn out for the best.

-Standing in front of his door, I didn't know what to add to this evening.

-A not-so-stranger, three years of virtual chat and now I was unable to figure out the right goodbye on his doorstep.

-Hesitant, we observed each other.

-"I hope we'll do this again."

-"Yes. "I replied.

-He stepped forward.

-I remained still, his face close to mine. -Kiss? Cheek? Goodbye? Whisper? -Which action would he choose? -I wished for a dice to decide, a title, or a "Gaz approves".

-"May I?"

-Oh. -I nodded. -His hands on my hips, he placed a brief kiss on my lips. -"I'm glad we managed to break the silence." -"me too."

-Perhaps, after all, I wouldn't return to my solitary silence tonight. His hands guiding me back to his apartment and the door closing behind us.

-I could easily guess that a die had just been thrown for a long evening and we both seemed to have the right score.

If you want more my COD Masterlist

[reegis]

Yo! Do you have any notes/tips for your coloring process? I've always had trouble with that part of drawings looking good lmao and I really like yours! If not for your specific style, do you have any tips with that in general?

Iv gotten a few asks about how I color but iv always avoided answering because

A) I am absolutely awful at explaining things, and

B) I am a very Very lazy artist you should probably Not do the things that I do

BUT i feel bad gatekeeping(?) my horrible technique if it helps anybody ig ill try and explain so

✨✨✨Welcome to Reegis’ Probably Not Reputable (But Very Long Winded) Art Advice✨✨✨✨

line art of a random character for the example, just pic whatever colors you have in mind for your base colors, you can try using palette generators or basing it off of existing palettes/characters/whatever I have absolutely no idea how color theory works (& this is why you shouldnt listen to me) so im solely going off of vibes. but it is Rough so onto step 2 & 3

(edit to add i usually start off with the skin hair & clothes on separate clipping layers and merge them together towards the end.. i think i forgot to say that at all here oops)

I abuse the hellll out of layer blending modes. overlay, saturation & multiply mainly, but also difference, brightness & screen. (just doodle something & try all of em out to get a feel for them honestly ik theres a Lot and they can be intimidating) for this i just wanted a more cohesive warmer tone to start with so i added a peachy overlay & a slight ombré to the hair to add a bit more interest to the character.

then just the most basic of rendering, some blush & highlights just wherever i think theyd go.

Another thing they tell you Not to do, my next step is to block out all my shading in a vaguely purpleish multiply layer!!! i cant be assed to do it any other way im sorry…. once i have the basic shading down, i lock the layer & go in with air brush eraser & also airbrush in other colors wherever I think the purple is maybe too harsh/clashing

still wasnt 100% happy with the colors so messed around with some more layer filter/modes/whatever you call them then colored in my line art! i think this is honestly the saving grace for all of my art shshsdhhf color your lines people. doesnt have to be all (i dont, i like the contrast) but it usually helps to make some at least a little less harsh

then with a little more color tweaking im done! one random sleepy dude, fully colored (by my standards)

and then if a piece needs more dramatic lighting you justttt

im so serious play around with layer settings! these are just basic multiply & add(glow), there as so many others you can abuse the shit out of & nobody will know or care in your finished piece.

was this?? in any way helpful???? I hope so.

[blakbonnet]

ARTIST OF THE WEEK @midearthlingart ✨

This week's AOTW is Laz aka midearthling, and any AOTW event intending to bring classic ofmd art back into circulation would be incomplete without them <3 She agreed to answer a few questions for me and shared some great tips for beginners:

- Which do you use to draw (app/digital or traditional)?

I think everything posted here is digital, done mainly on Procreate, although I have started using Art Studio Pro more recently and I really like it (also an iPad app but available on other machines afaik!). I do like to doodle and do studies in my sketchbook though, I think it's good to keep me sharp and for a change of pace! And sometimes ideas come easier that way. But any completed pieces tend to be digital.

- Fave brushes/pencils/mediums (links/screenshots?)

On procreate I'm partial to using jingsketch basic’s flat brush, it’s so versatile for sketching and painting! Other brushes in my regular rotation are the default chalk and 6b brushes from procreate. I also have a soft ‘photoshop’ brush that I use to flat in colours, and a round brush I downloaded that I often use for sketching too; unfortunately I can’t remember where I got either of those ones but I’m pretty sure they were free! Sometimes I use random texture brushes, and the default watercolours in procreate.

- Your favourite piece you've drawn?

I go through phases of really loving some pieces and then hating them again (I often dislike my own art!) One of the best things I ever drew is a very nsfw comic so I unfortunately can’t share it on tumblr lmao. But in its stead, I think this and this have a special place in my heart.

- Who's harder to draw: Ed or Stede?

Honestly it just depends on the day! Both can be difficult to capture for different reasons; oddly I think for me I don’t have Ed’s face pinned down as much as I do with Stede’s. I’ve drawn them so much at this point I can bang them out without reference most of the time, but every now and again I’ll have a difficult angle and need to reference again! Stede’s nose is my absolute favourite to draw though.

- One essential tip for beginner artists?

Keep going! References and 3D models are your friend! It’s okay to make studies of other people’s works in order to learn (just don’t share and try to pass it off as your own!) Tracing photos to learn is also fine too, these are all just tools to help you hone your skill.

- Why OFMD? 🥹

It did something to my brain! I remember watching it back in March 2022 when there were only 6 episodes out at the time, I binged in one go and then the very next day watched all of them again. It just felt so cosy! I watched initially when I heard about it because I already loved Rhys and Taika’s works so needless to say it was hook, line and sinker from me from the start—I did not stand a chance! When it turned out to be a queer, middle-aged love story I knew it would be special to me forever.

[spacecolonie]

i adore your paintings so muchhh would you happen to have any other tips or tutorials for your process? anything from thumbnailing all the way to final render

Thank you 😭♥ I appreciate that a lot!! To start with I've got my advice tag (both new and veeery old stuff lol), & my youtube has a couple of speedpaints on it, one with commentary including process, brushes etc

In terms of general stuff about how I approach painting, I tend to tailor the method to the desired outcome. I talk about it more in depth on this post here, I also link to some references & tutorials that I really enjoy/recommend!

Besides that though, I guess I can do a little walkthrough of the Whisper & Tangle painting I uploaded a few months ago, since I tried something new with it that I pseudo integrated into my workflow & could be fun to talk about? 🤔

SO yes, I do always thumbnail when I'm doing a bigger painting, and they're definitely not pretty LOL. I usually use the colour fill lasso just to block in basic shapes and values with a gradient map slapped on the top -- I ended up swapping the values around in the end because it let me use the fireflies as the sole light source, making it more character focused! Then it's the usual process of resketching it all & flatting in the base colours (I also added Whisper's wisps hehe), then adding shading:

This is how I usually approach it, w/ all the shading layers clipped to the original flats to preserve editing. Multiply, screen & overlay are the most common layer modes I use while doing this, and if I'm ever struggling I'll sometimes add a gradient map too in order to unify awkward colours etc. The new thing I tried for this painting was doing what's often nicknamed as a 'clown pass' -- which is using hard edged shapes to create an easily-accessible selection mask for each part:

It looks Super funny but I actually found it very helpful, and I ended up using it to select & cut out all of their body parts onto seperate layers, which were then alpha locked. It meant I could go ham w/ large or textured brushes, smudges etc without worrying about losing those edges, or accidentally over-rendering and screwing up the anatomy in the process!!

I've kept doing something similar since, though it's a bit more dialed back; mainly using the lasso select to chop it up directly and preserve specific/necessary edges, grouping up similar body parts on a single layer etc.

After doing all that, I sat down and started rendering. The background was all blocked in & detailed with a hard round brush and these amazing brushes from Devin Elle Kurtz. There isn't anything super insightful that I think I could type on how I render, but I do have that speedpaint I mentioned earlier that'll probably shed more light. It's just a lot of eyedropping & painting, rinse and repeat

When rendering is done I usually add a concoction of adjustment layers, as well as an overlay w/ a noise texture on it. I also sharpen it all after doing so! These are the ones that I ended up adding for this painting:

The dupe & blur is a fun thing that doesn't always work, but it looks super neat when the painting itself calls for it, especially when paired w/ that noise texture. It can make stuff look like an old/low quality photograph or recording -- here's another example w/ a shadow and amy doodle I posted a few months ago:

That's about it for this painting, the majority of the time spent on it was honestly me rendering those damn leaves 🥲 Very tedious but worth it & it was a really good learning experience. I'm not sure if any of this will prove useful but thank you so much for sending in the ask, & if you (or anyone else reading this) wants a similar breakdown for a different painting of mine, please do let me know and I'll try my best to do one!! 🥺💞

[sleeplesswixard]

Hello! Remember Me? Well, I've Seen your Post and I want More interactions of Reader Literally Bullying Bezel, Hah! The Recent Post Made me Laugh so hard that I couldn't BEAR To Stop. Bezel getting Karma is cool, I want Reader to Laugh and call Him Lefty from Fnaf 6 or Funtime Freddy, comparing both of them to Him. If you consider this too far then you could ignore it or not respond to it. I Honestly Want Bezel getting Humiliated after everything he did during all this time of Manipulating Chikn Nuggit.

You are crazy my child, and i love that.

Bezel (Bearzel) x gn!Reader

Type:Oneshot, fluff, romantic-ish(?) frenemies

Warnings: Reader being an absolute piece of shit to Bezel, boyfailure-like Bezel, cussing(just saying 'shit' for once)

Bezel was still trying to get used to his new body, and well... He wasn't doing a great job about it. Especially with you(and sometimes İscream) bully him everytime you get the chance.

He was currently sitting at the void, holding a paper and a pen, doodling mindlessly(and yes he's writing numbers and clocks when i meant doodling). His ears we're down and, at least he was calm and wasn't acting like a bear with rabies.

"Hey Bearzeeel!"

Ugh.

You leaned on your stomach right next to him, kicking your legs back and forth, you still had that shit eating grin on your face. Bezel grumbled, his brows scowls.

"Wha? What do you want?" He asked, you than unlocked your phone and leaned a bit closer to him, showing him a picture of Lefty (from Fnaf), while trying to silence your giggle.

"Dis you?" You asked, he scoffed and pushed your phone to you, rolls his eyes. "How original." Said the bear sarcastically, you snickered to him, you can't help but feel a little dissapointed though. You wanted more reaction than that.

He turned his back to you and continue writing, you groaned slightly and sat next to him again. You put your arm around his shoulders which he grumbled, but didn't pulled away. He knew you wouldn't let him go. "Ugh, c'mon Bearzel...! Where's the rage you had a day ago??? What happened?" You asked, talking with a mockingly sad voice. "Uuugh...!" He growled softly, but to be honest you just couldn't take him seriously. Not when he was looking like a teddy bear.

"Ah, ah ah ah." You shushed him, "This is what are you getting all the things you done, you little teddy bear." Bezel pushed your arm away from his shoulders and stands up the second he heard you, your words fueled his anger. He was trying to indimitating but he was falling terribly. "DON'T!-" He was going to start yell loudly, his ears and tails straightens up but drops down again immediately, he couldn't even be angry to you anymore.

"-Call me that..." His words came out as mutter, his cheeks turns to a bright shade of red, both from embarrasment and anger.

Your lips curled to a smile, it was hilarious to see him like that. Seeing the 'Embodiment of Time'!1!1 (A.K.A Doomsday Clock) like this was gold.

"Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, shut it now Bearzel." You said and brushed his words off, you tugged onto his clawed hand, gently pulling it down, your other hand patting the spot next to you that he was sitting on before he stood up. "C'mere you grumpy bear."

He slowly sits down next to you after you encoraged him, he felt your arms wrap around you again, he grumbled again but he didn't tried to do anything like he did before. He let out a long sigh, he manages to pick up his paper and pen before laying his side to you, getting comfortable.

——————————————————————

Hii!!! Thank you for reading my fic!

İ'm sorry it's a little- uhh. Y'know, and i wasn't active, nor i had any motivation to do anything.

İ'm sorry if i have mistakes, English is not my first language!

[foressfaction]

:Ticci Toby:{A Rewrite}

CHAPTER 1

WARNING:: This story contains EXTREMELY triggering topics such as Domestic/Child/Substance abuse, Death, harsh language, GORE and dissociation triggers. This story mentions mental illnesses and disorders such as Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and Tourette's Syndrome. !!TICS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!

Chapter one

It was a couple of days full of constant debate between the two adults in the home. Toby had been up all night. The only thing that let him know was the sun that just peered from the horizon; it was his alarm clock piercing through the quiet morning air. Toby turned from what he was doing to shut it off. He was sitting at his desk scribbling in all of his school note books. The odd doodles ranged from stick men to just plain scribbles and German words he was trying to learn. He was half German after all, he really wanted to learn it. A pop screeched from his neck, closing his eyes tight and widely opening them a few times before blinking off the tic. Was it the first day of school?

Toby's mind wandered back to the hallway of flickering lights and sudden thick atmosphere. He kind of felt that way just then as well. It was probably the anxiety he just got. "Wait really?" muttered Toby to himself. He reached his hand up and pulled one of the blinds down, squinting his eyes to the red and orange bright light of the rising sun. "hmmm….black hole sun." He mumbled in reference to a song he liked. Toby never listened to music all too much but on occasion he would.

Toby pulled his backpack next to his leg and shoved all of the journals into it, some pencils too. He was surprised no one else decided to come in and try to wake him, despite him never going to sleep in the first place. The boy always struggled with sleep, it had been especially hard these last few days. He just felt like his mind was blurry. Toby knocked on his sister's door, assuming she actually might still be asleep, but was wrong. The bathroom door just across the hallway opened and there she stood. She looked exceptionally tired, hair in a messy bun and all stringy. That was kind of a family thing, stringy frizzy hair no matter how much you wash and brush it. "Aw never mind." Toby sighed out, earning a confused look from the blonde girl. "Never mind what?"

"You're tired, I was going to ask if you could drive me to school—" He was caught off guard by her sudden fast speaking. "Right, I didn't get much sleep last night. If at all, work was tiring and my co-workers thought it would be funny to complain about me to my boss..i might get fired." She sounded very stressed, almost as if she was going to cry while speaking.

"Complaining about what? You're such a-a goo-good worker?"

She shrugged at his concern. "It's probably because how late I usually am, by the time I'm done with all of my chores and school, work is just something that's piled onto that. I honestly think getting fired might be the best option, but what would dad think?" Her voice cracked a little at the end of her sentence. Toby didn't really know how to respond. "That won't happen, right? Things won't go downhill anymore right?"

The girl kinda just frowned, taking her brother by the shoulder and into a hug. "I hope not, if so…I can drive, i can just take us someplace quiet, get away for a while huh? Sound good?"

Toby smiled just a little, a weak one but the idea was there. "Jawohl." He replied. "Picking up German?" Lyra asked in remark to his unexpected reply, to which he nodded with a stupid grin. She patted his back in a gesture to tell him to head downstairs. "I'll drive you just let me get my shoes."

At that moment Toby descended down the stairs and towards the door. Neither his mom or dad were in sight. He wasn't sure if they slept in the same room or not. Toby looked outside to see that his mom's car was gone. His only assumption was that his dad took it somewhere, or they were both out, which wasn't completely unbelievable but still a little odd.

It wasn't long before Lyra had taken her brother up to his new school. Well it wouldn't really be considered new, just a different campus that went up with his grade, same people, same idiots. Toby grabbed his bag and sat there for a moment, staring down then to Lyra who also met his eyes at the same time he met hers. "I can tell you're nervous. I mean the first days are always nerve wracking." She started. "You got this though okay? You're unique..not different."

He listened to her with a small nod, yet half of him still doubted that. "Okay, Lyra, just this once.."

Lyra smiled warmly before speaking out rather loudly as he got out. "Love ya!"

He turned suddenly with an immediate response. "Love you more!"

As then she spat back "Love you most!" Toby huffed, visibly distraught but in a joking way. "you never let me win!" with that said he sorta literally ran into the building. The place wasn't as big as it seemed the day he came up here with his mom. It was probably because the halls were empty, now they were crowded with lost kids trying to find their classes. Toby had his schedule in hand and surprisingly knew where most of his classes were already due to his little mini journey he got a few days ago. Toby trotted straight to his main home room class, an English class with a teacher that looked about 80 years old. The desks were lines in rows of three. The boy chose the seat closest to the back and rested his stuff onto the ground. No one really was batting an eye.

The battle of holding his tics in was the hardest part. The teachers knew, the kids didn't. He didn't want to become the center of attention the second he blurts out a curse word.

Toby shook his head to that thought and opened up his journal he was doodling in last night. The first 8 pages were full of stupid little comic doodles. He even drew Mr. Cowbells. He thought it looked nice. Sooner or later class started, and the room was filled with kids of all diversity. Back when he was with the 'different' kids, they were almost all the same, when he tried talking to them, they would just give vague replies. He didn't understand them and they didn't understand him. But he ended up forcing himself into friendships with them only to be ripped away and thrown into a class of kids who were considered normal. Was this a way of considering him…normal?

He didn't feel normal, he was unique, Lyra says. He liked her choice of wording. 'unique' just rolls off the tongue so well.

"Alright everyone! As we know it is the first day of 6th grade, before you know it, you'll be in highschool, yippee right?" The sweet tone of the teacher silenced the once talking room of kids with her words. "To start the day off, why don't we all stand up and introduce ourselves with our names, age and a fun fact hm?"

Oh, this was weird. Toby watched as each student started to stand up and sputter random facts and an introduction to themselves. Some were longer than others, and some were as simple as could be. He didn't quite realize that he had to go as well, glancing over to meet eyes with the teacher as it was finally his turn, last to go.

Toby took a few glances around to see almost everyone was staring at him. He felt this feeling of dread take over him, like he was going to throw up, actually…..he might.

Toby, after taking a small breath, stood to his feet, holding his journal and looking down at it. "My name is Toby, uhm, I'm 13," he had to pause, feeling an itchy feeling in his throat. A sharp pressure building up to something he knew he couldn't control.

"Mh, mh! look at a spider!~ woo! spider, woo!-"

He could feel the embarrassment prick at his skin, his neck jerking forward as his hand jerked up and twisted a few times, as if he was waving royally. Toby heard a few giggles within the room of kids, looking back to the eyes of his teacher who didn't seem to mind much. He knew she was informed but he still felt bad. "um, I like to draw?"

He said as if anyone really gave a crap. They were all kinda just staring. He could feel them silently judging.

He felt another sensation at his throat, stomping his foot three times in a row while repeating a phrase. "Stop! Stop! Stop!" he shook his head, the embarrassment growing even more before he took a seat again, head hanging low.

"That's great to know, Toby, I bet you're a wonderful artist. Now does anyone have any questions?" Just then a kid raised his hand, a snarky grin on his face. "Yeah, I do." He pointed to Toby. "Why is he so ticci?"

The teacher didn't really understand at first, but it took a moment to hit. "Ah, let's not ask rude questions, this classroom is a safe space for all." She glanced at the brunette boy, who just sat there, like a sad dog. He knew what the kid was trying to hint at. "They're tics." Toby spoke out, eyeing the kid. "They're unique."

"No, they're annoying," The kid started up. "Can't you just hold them in?-"

"If we're going to have a problem already, I can tell you now I will not tolerate any bullying in my classroom, or on this campus young man, Toby is minding his own business, if you don't like what he can't help then leave." The older woman slightly snapped. "This is the first day of school guys, please don't make this hard on me."

Toby felt a little better knowing his teacher would be nice, his old one was very, let's just say, strict.

"You okay?" She looked towards Toby who met her eyes shortly after. He nodded, accidentally locking eyes with the kid who was making remarks a minute ago. If he remembered, the boy's name was Cameron, Cameron Winston. Toby didn't say anything, just glanced away quickly and opened his journal to start doodling again. This was his attempt to calm down.

Eventually the class was over, but as Toby was leaving he noticed the lights above. They were flickering again. The teacher was standing in the doorway farewelling her students. As she waved to Toby he stopped. "You guys should r-r-really fix your lights." He spoke out.

She looked up, tilting her head a little. "What do you mean?"

"They're working fine."

Toby shook his head, "No, they flicker all the time, how can you not see it?"

"It's lunch time, Toby, want me to escort you?" She changed the subject. Which Toby wasn't very happy about, but shrugged it off. "I mean yeah sure." With that, the nice woman started to lead Toby to the giant room where all the kids sat and ate, the cafeteria.

•••••

[draconicdeityarts]

Hey there! I love you’re semi realistic, semi cartoonish art style bro! I hope you don’t mind me asking but what software/mediums do you use? I am trying to work on my lighting and shadows and textures but I have no clue how artists like you achieve such detail

First off- thank you so much! I truly appreciate it. And second- oh my goodness I am so sorry for how long this ask has sat in my inbox! I hope some of this can still help you :’D

As far as software goes, I’m almost exclusively working in procreate as of late. There’s plenty of great programs- if you need something free and desktop based, I highly recommend Krita. I have a few brushes from different packs that I often default to. You can see them all and links to said packs through this answer I gave to someone asking about my brushes earlier:

As far as detail in my work goes, that’s just through a loooot of practice and doodles and drawings. I’ve been drawing since I could pick up a pencil, so I’ve had a lot of time to figure out the way I like to do things- but even then I have so much to learn!

I do, however, work in many traditional forms of media as well! I haven’t done so as much lately since digital doesn’t require cleanup, but I honestly believe that working in traditional for my entire life up until 5 or so years ago has a hand in how I approach things digitally as well. I’ve done pen and marker illustration, pencil and colored pencil, acrylic painting, as well as 3D work. I’ve worked in a lot of media and I want to get around to trying as much as I can when I have the energy to! If you have questions specifically about what traditional media I use or work with let me know!

When it comes to improving on rendering, doing small studies of images you really like the lighting in helps a lot for me. Learning how to break light in a photo down to simple, blocky shapes helps to figure out getting an initial layer down to refine later when doing full pieces! When rendering a character, especially if drawing something that isn’t in a scene, I always recommend marking out the direction the light is coming from as well as color of the light before even starting, so that you can determine where highlights and shadows would be placed in an initial blockout. Keep in mind there’s different kinds of light in a piece- I would recommend looking into tutorials about direct light, indirect light, reflected light, etc to get a better feel for how it works- while I do my best, I don’t think I am quite skilled enough to explain those nuances.

When approaching most textures, especially unfamiliar ones, references are my best friend always. It might be a good idea to just do test sheets/practice making the textures that would be useful to you on occasion! And in the end, textures also tie into lighting as well, since a lot of what makes textures super distinct is how light hits them, especially when it comes to things like metal. It may be a bit of a hot take, but in a lot of cases I tend to avoid a lot of digital texture/object brushes, especially those meant to simulate natural textures like leaves, and I do those textures manually instead. I just personally like having more control over those shapes and feel it looks better when each texture is made intentionally by hand! Sometimes I do use texture brushes especially for backgrounds, abstract work or subtle layers, especially if I’m working on something very fast, but it’s not my first choice. However I do know there’s plenty of artists who use texture brushes in ways that look great, so that’s just personal preference. :)

I do apologize it took me so long to respond! But if you have any specific questions, my dms are open and I want to start replying to y’all more!

[leggyre]

You got any adivce for someone who's considering dropping drawing completely since they don't like what they're making at all?

honestly i've been in the same struggle recently bc it just hasn't been a good year for me. i haven't been drawing a lot bc most of the time i'm either sick or i just.. can't. I've been picking myself up as of late and it's a really difficult grind, but honestly the fact i've been able to actually start this grind is already good for now. I guess that counts as advice; be patient with yourself. Self-esteem doesn't come easy and the little steps are worth so much more than you think.

ok so uh,

-if you just started, don't think about it too much. we all start with the weird scribbles. if you stop now you might never get back to it -if you've been trying to doodle often and always end up hating the result, just take a break. art block is seasoning for burnout and you might just be tired. a lot of times i've felt bad about my art i kinda "gave up" for a while and when i came back to it it was like "wtf this easy what was my issue (it was burnout)". so take a break, play some videogames or hang out with your friends for a week. idk write essays about the media you like? it feels like you're being unproductive but resting IS part of productive because just pushing yourself will just result in nothing being done at the end of the day. -look at your favorite work! im not quite out of my latest artblock yet because its a tough one(it's been teaming up with depression caused by health problems it suuuuucks :/), but when i went long enough without being able to draw I kinda started feeling like I can't do shit and can't call myself an illustrator at all specially bc what i do isnt that big of a deal compared to others(<- comparison also big mistake remember youre the only one who can make YOUR art), going through my folders and seeing the stuff I like the most gave me a LOT of motivation to keep going, even if I was still unable to start drawing right away. not giving up is so important. -so yeah love your art. focus on drawing things you like because it's a gift from you to you, and you should treat it as such. i know it's really hard to be positive about it all the time but it can be really good to go through all your artwork at the end of a day and look at the things you like about it, even if it isn't much. -on that note, find something you really like drawing!!! back in high school i had massive periods of depression that kept me from drawing but i occasionally found sort of a 'life hack' for myself which were things i was always able to work with even during the worst times. one of them was just.. bees. i just doodled random characters as these bees and made og designs too and it was fun. the other one was using colored pencils instead of a regular one bc i just like colors and it made me happy :] it didnt matter that they always had the same overall shape or if i couldnt erase when i messed up, i was just feeling good being able to draw something that i liked. -experiment more!! expand your palettes and download some new brushes. i even change from my newest to my old busted tablet that still sorta works occasionally because using a tool that feels different is.. refreshing somehow? idk -when you need to get yourself back up, do the little steps at your own pace. do a little doodle every day. it's okay if it's always the same thing. the same character. the exact same idea. it's okay if it sucks or if it's unfinished because you struggled. Just give it little pushes. What matters is to try. and it's okay if you can't do it every day. maybe every other day if you need a slower pace. -and remember. engagement doesn't measure your skill. art is subjective anyways!!!!! i spent YEARS doodling and posting only my ocs and getting little to no notes. i think one of my favorite artworks from the time i had ~100 followers had like 0 notes for the longest time. to be honest i don't even know if it has any likes at all nowadays i'd have to look it up bc it's a bit buried

[kafus]

What's your drawing process? (program, brushes, layers, ect)

alright i can finally answer this now that i'm on my computer and have my art program open lol

i use krita! i've been using it for 7 years now and the sheer amount of hotkeys i use is so embedded into my brain and muscle memory, i don't think i could use any other art software unless it controls exactly the same at this point (sorry this is the millionth time you guys have seen this doodle i did it's just still what i have open. i never closed out of krita after finishing it LOL)

i think my process is honestly pretty standard for digital art when it comes to most things, i do a sketch (not pictured here but i usually sketch in black and then just lower the opacity of the sketch layer), either clean that up or do lines on top on a different layer, flat color underneath, then use a mix of layer settings on new layers to apply light and shadow if relevant. multiply and overlay my beloved

might be obvious from my brush palette over here, but i am really simplistic when it comes to brushes... i rarely have to venture outside of this group. lately i've been using the slightly rougher brush in the bottom left for lining for the sake of some texture but almost all my art is made with these brushes alone, even my more rendered and detailed stuff. iirc these are all default krita brushes lol (not pictured is when i occasionally swap to the pixel brush for pixel stuff)

sometimes i do experiment though, like this piece i did months ago was done entirely with a translucent pixel brush on a single layer LMAO

funny thing to note as well is even in my rendered stuff with a lot of layers i never name my layers so i'm constantly switching layers on and off to find the right one like a dumbass. i should really start naming my layers fdsjioojsdf. oh and highly recommend double checking work for values by putting a saturation layer set to full grayscale above everything and flipping it on to see the piece without color sometimes... i do that a lot

feel free to ask if you had any other questions about how i actually... draw? the way this question was worded made me go in a more "how i interact with my art program" direction and not how i actually draw if that makes sense but i'm not sure if that was actually your intention

[squaggies]

Hey I love the Haruhi doodles! Can you repost Days 1-7 individually? The Aliens meme speaks to me

Thanks!

I honestly don't want to go back and look at my old doodles because I can do much better now lol but it's also kinda fun to look back at old things you've made just to see how far you've come so here is day 3

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[Daily Haruhi Doodle: 3] ailens.

I won't tag this post out of not wanting to spam. But dang, it's actually quite interesting to see how my doodles have progressed from this to what there is now. I know for a long time like days 1-50 I was much less consistent that I am now at drawing characters the same way, I still struggle with it a bit but these first set of days were all about trying to find what worked best for these characters.

Not only that, but I did lighten up on some of the details like how the red ribbon is done on the collar, or the emblem on the undershirt. Honestly, the biggest thing that changed is how I color, back then I used a noisy brush and just kinda went to town, now I select the area I want to color with the lasso tool and fill it in and just try to make clean lines

Quite interesting to see how different it is now, It might be worth remaking this one specifically just because of how much different the style is now.

I'll post other days another day, I'll make them little surprises as I see fit

[aph-netherlands]

Hey! So this isn't exactly an art request but more of a question! I'm really, really dying to get into art, and I've never done ANY sort of art or sketching or drawing or anything before. I have a sketchbook and some pens but when I sit down to try and start learning or doing anything I just?? Don't know how???? Or where to start????? Do you know of a good place to start? Or how did you start when you first got into it? Your blog has been such a cute, wonderful place for me recently and idk id really love any advice you could give!

oh this is the absolute sweetest anon i’ve ever gotten!!! 😭 i’m so glad my little trash corner can provide some serotonin!!!

honestly starting to draw is one of the most difficult parts, to a point where even now its hard for me to do anything because unless i have a very specific image in my head, starting is so overwhelming. but when you’re just starting out with art in general, the best advice i can give is:

1. practice lines and shapes! there are plenty of references online of exercises that legit art students use! searching something like ‘artist warm ups’ brings some good examples!

2. pinterest is your best friend for pose references tbh. my favourites are by Kibbitzer!

3. even if its just a little doodle, practicing every day can really help. i’m being a complete hypocrite here because i do not draw everyday myself lmao but if you can help it, try to!

4. look at other artists’ art! i’ve learned so much just by studying other people’s art tbh. i’ve been on tumblr since i was 11 (almost ten years now) and over that time there have been so many amazing artists i’ve looked up to! studying their art, looking at their use of shapes and colours, seeing what medium and/or digital brushes they use, etc. help to figure out what it is you’d like to portray with your own art! i’ll provide a list of favourite artists of mine!

@reallunargift / @lunargift-art

@schmitskatz / @pappadu (beloved mutual!)

@nordickies / @anski-art (another beloved mutual!!)

@laoness / @ask-useless-german (a dear close friend of mine who i love very much!)

@ask-thenetherlands (another dear close friend of mine who i love very much!)

@ashafox

@ask-p2-germany

@stirringwinds

… and so many more that i cannot pinpoint at the moment but bottom line is there are so many amazing artists here on tumblr that i admire to no end, and they’ve been my inspiration when it comes to developing my own art!

[audipiu]

i've been doing a daily doodle thing for a whole ass week now (congrats me!) and it's been a lot of fun honestly. these are things tht take anywhere between 30 mins to maybe an hour (i don't keep track of time, thats not the point) and all brushes I use are 100% opacity no fancy tricks no rendering no nuthin. I hope I can keep it up for a month bc so far it's been very instructive too!

At some point i will probably post some of my favs but I also hesitate to be like ohhhh let me churn Content TM out of this, thts not rly the point. It'll be cool to look back once theyre all done i bet.

[ambrosialdesire]

about me

─── �� ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

you can call me ambro, i am currently 22 years old. the pronouns that i go by are she/her and i am filipino-american. my zodiac is gemini and my mbti personality type is infp-t. i am currently identifying as aromantic and it's become a label that i've been comfortable with recently (which is kinda ironic since i enjoy so many things that involve romance lol).

programs i use for writing are: tumblr and libreoffice programs i use for art are: procreate, paint tool sai 2, and clip studio paint - you're welcome to ask what brushes i use for any of these programs, i use a lot bc i like the various textures and will never stick to just relying on one completely lol - for procreate, i've been using an ipad air 4th gen with a 2nd gen apple pencil for ~3 years or so; i use a huion hs611 for csp and sai2

surrounding my history with writing: i started writing in middle school! yk those really bad 'one-shots' with multiple fandoms? i did that kind of writing, each chapter was like 500 words max lmao eventually, i couldn't really keep up with it (i think that's how i burned out in the first place). i got into creating art and OCs after wattpad but stopped writing for nearly 4-5 years until the pandemic started. a bunch of my past english teachers supported my pursuit of writing little stories, but now i write for fun and to expand more on my writing skills.

surrounding my history with fanfics: i've always enjoyed "x reader" fics, idk it's been a comfort thing for me for years (character x character is fine too but sometimes the content written for the ships can tend to get a little too boring for me, this doesn't mean i no longer enjoy them however!). i like when the readers are actually smart and easy to put yourself into, so i try to implement that into my reader fics. with the yandere trope, it's one of my comfort tropes for me of recent, mostly because i like the idea of someone being so dedicated and infatuated with you specifically. however, i do not condone or attempt practicing any of the actions similar and/or relating to it (like nonconsensual practices, stalking, kidnapping, extreme peer pressure, murder, etc etc). this is not a reflection of the person i am or what i believe in. it's honestly an interesting topic to write about in a psychological standpoint, and the community has been pretty kind + welcoming so far.

surrounding my history with art: i always liked drawing even as a kid, but i never seriously started until late 8th grade to early hs freshman. i started with little doodles of cat heads on printer paper because i'm (still) in the warrior cat fandom, and then tried my hand at drawing people the more i drew. i was really horrible, like really bad lol but during my hs years, i drew almost nearly every single day i was in class, and my art style had fluctuated and developed throughout those years. in my sophomore year, i joined my first art class, painting 1. in both my junior and senior year, i joined ap studio art. in my senior year, i won 1st place in an art competition and when i say that i was so happy to prove to my parents that i was good at art, i was very happy. idk if this counts too but my ap studio art score was a 4, the topic was a man's feelings in a romantic relationship turning toxic, the breakup, and the recovery (REALLY CORNY, i know i should've done something more personal to myself, but i think i didn't want my art teacher to be concerned about my mental health LMFAO). although i am not pursing art as a main career, i still heavily enjoy creating ocs/comics and small pieces whenever i can.

that's pretty much it, i might add more if i become more comfortable to do so (●'◡'●)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

[baladric]

4, 10, 14!! heehee!

ouuuu thank you!!!!

4. How many different styles/medium (e.g., digital art, traditional art, comics, sculpture, paper craft, etc.) did you try this year?

on the diversity of media front, i feel like i stagnated a little! i used to have a lot more breadth, but this year like 98% of my work was done with procreate, and the other 2% were very occasional pencil/pen doodles that i then spruced up in procreate ahaha!! but honestly i'm not too arsed about this, like the sheer volume of art i made this year is so much higher than usual, entirely bc messing around w procreate and the specific hyperfixations i've had this year really inspired me to keep throwing myself at drawings again and again until i got it right—which has translated into a lot of skill growth, which i honestly could not be happier about!!!!!

10. What inspired/motivated you this year?

content-wise, the goblin emperor was my main artistic motivator (specifically my own goddamn au s;alkdfjaow;if), but i'm also really learning how to create my own original works as expressions of various emotional experiences i'm shufflin my way through lately.

also (and i've said this already recently but it bears saying again) literally i looked at @littleowlbub 's concept art for their new comic, prism, and i fell deeply and madly in love with how they draw hands—they're like... so expressive and lovely, but what really sets them apart for me is this sense that there's joy in the simple act of drawing them. their hands are, for me, the visual equivalent of taking that first full breath of fresh air at the start of a hike in the blue ridge mountains ;lakjdfaef like, god, i look at a few of the drawings of spectrum specifically and just feel love and peace in my own existence as a tactile being, idk!!!! this is all a lot of weight to put on the way someone draws hands, but it's WHERE I'M AT and honestly it has really inspired me to find my own ways of creating that feeling with the hands i draw, and i have a long road ahead still but the results are so visible to me, and i'm so so excited about that progress!!!

14. What's one pairing/character/subject/body part/object you want to explore next year?

pairing(s): hrmm honestly i've been eyeballing my internal visualization of evemer and kadou from @ariaste 's A Taste Of Iron and Gold, like i am itchin to draw them a whole whole bunch

characters: it's become a pathological need to figure out how to simplify eddie entertainment munson's dumb face down to a few brush strokes, like i've done so much noodling to try to figure out what it is exactly that makes his face his face—is it the full lips? the angle of his eyes? the sparse eyebrows? the laugh lines? nose, the particular contours of his 3/4 profile?? who the fuck knows!!! but i will figure it out or i will die trying!!!!!!!!

subject: really digging my vent pieces so i fully intend to keep honing that style and the sort of. idk creative muscles that go into funneling big emotions into little eyestrain-y guys

body part: see my tender screeching about hands above. also really working on understanding legs. why are they like that. whose idea was that.

object: man i need to draw more objects. engineered shapes in general suck SO BAD. i wanna get better at musical instruments especially, but one of my broadest goals is to get better at dramatic lighting (light is a huge part of my creative world, which is really apparent in my writing and poetry, but much less so in my art bc i Don't Know How To Do It Yet), and i'm annoyingly aware that the best way to work at that is to, in fact, do a lot of still lives, and probably like. paint more. pls pls, 2023 me, let yourself fuck up with gouache. you love gouache. it's so good for light.

artist wrapped ask meme!

[redrosesshadowwolf]

Guys, guys. Chill. You don't gotta keep making this mistake. They were clearly talking to the creators of things and not the consumers. Maybe? So how about we just stop responding with judgments? It might work out better.

Also, I'm starting to think people don't know what self insert means. But honestly, I can't say I know every way it's interpreted either.

Art, in every form which you make decisions about it is a reflection of something inside you, big or small. Like The OP said.

Nows my attempt to not mess up where the others did when adding a "but" part.

Okay so, there are some forms of art, where you aren't really making decisions and therefor cannot be what it's reflecting, so I so belive there are a few things that fall outside that category. But strictly just stuff that is out of your mental control.

Like ever done splatter paint? You can look at it and picture whatever you had wanted it to be, but if you didn’t really attempt to make something when doing it. It's not really a conveyed reflection. Finger paint tells more than some half-assed modern abstract that wasn't your intention. But mistakes also reflect you. So it's a matter of opinion I guess.

Cause I've taken a brush and flung paint at a white sheet of paper with no goal. No vision. It wasn't a reflection. It wasn't even made of boredom. Someone else was doing it in art class at the same table as me, so one of the other kids told the rest of us we should try it. I was talking to a friend and didn't really pay it any mind, only randomly splattering something every time it was their turn to speak in the conversation.

So I came to the conclusion, that despite me being the one to make it, it had no purpose, it reflected nothing of me, it wasn't even empty enough to convey the absent-minded nature of its creation.

So yeah splatter paint can convey things, it can be a self insert as well. But mine wasn't.

Honestly I'm more of a writer than a painter so when I read OP's post I immediately jumped to say 'Yes! Everything someone writes in a self insert' as writing is a form of art so it fit under their words. But after reading through the stream of reblogs I thought about other forms of art, then the creative process itself. And came to the conclusion that I did for like 99% of scenarios believe That every piece of art was in fact a self insert.

Except I had this one piece, where the only effort put in was to make it look like I was working when a substitute teacher walked by. Although perhaps my effort to appear busy was what it reflected, I don't buy that either. I just personally think that may have been one of the only pieces of art that reflected nothing of me. Even the absent minded doodles on notebook margins had been representing something.

The stigma of self-inserts is so harmful to the creative process. Relax. Admit it. Everything you make is derivative of yourself, always, no exceptions. You can turn the mirror into tinier and tinier shards or you can make it as big as you want to reflect as much as you want. At the end of the day it's always going to show you inside of it. Pretending otherwise is stupid.

[traibm1]

Software: Nursery Rhyme Book

So I decided to stick with the same font as before for the book. I think it helped me decide what style I wanted to create the book in, which ended up being in a sort of chilrens drawing/crayon/doodle style. I always liked this style of picture book when I was younger, so I thought it'd be cool to try it out.

So firstly I pasted the nursery rhymes into my book, and arranged them on their pages. This involved not only positioning, but editing the lines of text so that they weren't too short or long.

The next thing I did was create an image for each rhyme in the style of the book that I chose. We only had to draw two of them ourselves, but I decided to do them all so that there was proper consistency throughout the book. I decided to draw something relevant to each rhyme, so for example: 3 bags of black wool for Baa Baa Black Sheep. Here is some process photos of my creation of the drawing for The Grand Old Duke of York:

For all my drawings, I used a scratchier looking brush style, but I forgot what it was called. I created the outlines first, and then would scribble over each sections with their respective colours, and then erase anything outside the lines. I would've prefered drawing in photoshop, but we had to use illustrator, but it kinda makes sense since illustrator uses vectors.

Next I quickly made the end pages. I felt they needed colour, so I made a pattern with colourful scribbles. Very simple, but I think it does the job well.

Next I made the contents page. This was relatively simple too, just ended up drawing another little sketch of a magnifying glass, because I wanted to draw something to do with searching for the page. Then I added the text above it and a title and it was done. This was also the point I made the background Offwhite. I didn't want a plain white background because it just looked too lazy.

Next I added some more texture to the background just to give it some sort of colour. Colour makes things more interesting for the kids reading it, so I thought it'd be a good addition.

Next I created some musical note drawings to put around the text of the rhymes. I just thought it was on theme because nursery rhymes have rhythm. It also just adds something to the pages to make them more interesting.

After this, I made the front and back covers. The front cover has a kid reading a book, as this is a kids book. Then I added some music notes around the kid. Then for the back cover I just put some musical notes on the back. I thought about putting a synopsis, but there honestly isn't much to write about, so I kept it purely visual. Then I added the title to the front page, because I forgot it at first.

Then the book was finished. Here is all the pages in order:

I think it turned out decent in the end. There is most definitely room for improvement in lots of aspects, such as page composition, but for the time we had I think it was pretty good overall. I like the doodle style, I especially liked the Tom Gates books as a kid, so that kind of inspired what I wanted to create. This book has a more crayon looking style, but the inspiration was still there.

If I was to do it again, I think I'd do a more clean style, more cartoony rather than doodling, I think it'd be fun to try that out as opposed to this style.