#this took hours to write what am I doing

[furornocturna]

Yeah the ambiguous timeline leaves a lot of flexibility for creative liberties.

And the character exploration potential you could do with this is something I frankly have invested far too much hyperfixation energy and time into. Because THINK ABOUT IT.

Luigi growing up under Count Bleck’s wing since birth, being sheltered and only knowing what he’s been told by his adoptive family. Having little reason to question or believe their word as anything but genuine or the truth. This “man in green” would not have to be brainwashed/hypnotized by Nastasia to have his loyalty or to serve the Count, as because of his upbringing, why would he not want to help his family? At least, until he’s put into situations that do challenge and have him really questioning things, torn between loyalties and morality, befitting his stance as the determinator of which prophecy prevails.

Count Bleck is also fascinating to dissect on how he would operate as a parent post-loss of Timpani, but pre-start of SPM. Because on the one hand, his main focus is on fulfilling the omnicidal prophecy of the Dark Prognosticus. Raising a child is prob the last thing on his mind (never mind something he’d likely even consider doing without Timpani in the picture). But with finding Baby Luigi and the “man in green” being such an integral figure in the prophecy’s success, this can be used to his advantage to ensure his plan works. That’s certainly how it would start out, and he’d try to maintain some distance at the start as he is a dysfunctional, grieving, certified MESS, but (I might need to look it up again) I believe it was in Garson’s stories that we hear about the Ancients and how powerful their emotions are/how they feel them.

The Pure Hearts/Purity Heart is originally created from the concentrated power and manifestation of their love. And the Ancients’ wild feelings led to many a wild tales, such as Merlumina’s many affairs and misadventures with her many suitors/partners, her sister marrying King Sammer I and having 100 KIDS WITH HIM, but also how Count Bleck himself (the Tribe of Darkness being an offshoot of the Tribe of Ancients) fell so deeply for Timpani then simply could not handle the loss of her that he sought to destroy everything. He’s still a villain and a bad guy for his choice to do so, but if I felt my emotions at the constant 11, 1000% that the stories seem to imply the Ancients did, I see why it drove him so mad.

And I also bring this up because while Bleck claims to have shut off his heart after losing his love, we still see how he cares for his minions. It wouldn’t be out of the wheelhouse to then suggest he’d gradually come to genuinely care for the child he’s raising under him as well beyond for his important role in the prophecy. And not just as a boss to another minion, but a parent for his child. Perhaps he’d alter the plan as a result. Instead of his secret true plan to bring everything to oblivion and leave it in ruin… the “lie” of creating new perfect worlds from the ashes no longer stays a lie. He still wants to punish existence for his pain and loss (bro imagine the angst of this man AGONIZING over the pain of “what could have been”, of Luigi never knowing the woman that would have been his mother, how Timpani would have ADORED Luigi, the family they could have been together, etc), and while he cannot get her back, he can still avenge Timpani and create a new universe devoid of pain so that their son never has to go through the suffering his father has.

Bleck would still be a disaster parent, though. He tries his best, but there’s a lot of messiness going on that would for certain create some unhealthiness. One, he would be controlling and overprotective as shit. Initially because he can’t have “the man in green” turn against him rendering all that time invested a waste (plus it would hurt the others who are also attached), but after getting attached himself, it’s also him going to extremes to keep Luigi safe from harm and spared from the worst of the horrors, suffering and evils in the universe. Look what it did to him, to O’Chunks, Mimi and Nastasia. They’re all traumatized. And remember, Blumiere/Count Bleck’s response to losing his wife was to commit omnicide; if he lost his child after allowing himself to more truly open his heart to someone else again and it was his fault, that would break him beyond salvation all over again.

In line with this, I don’t believe he would be honest to Luigi about a lot of things for most of his life. Obviously, he can’t exactly tell a young child he’s gonna kill the multiverse for good and wants the kid to help him do it in good conscience, but back when Baby Luigi was just a tool, he still needed to start planting the seeds for loyalty to him. Count Bleck has already lied to his other minions sans Nastasia about the true plan, so he’d lie here too, only sanitizing it further for a younger child. Then he got attached, plans change, but he still doesn’t come clean to anyone not in the full loop about it as why would they need to know when it no longer matters? Except it absolutely would come back to bite him in the ass, creating a lot of strain between him and Luigi who’s now questioning everything he’s been told growing up: questioning how irredeemable the multiverse really is to deserve the violent cleanse by the Chaos Heart, if he was kept so sheltered because it was actually dangerous or because it kept him ignorant to a truth he was intentionally kept away from which kept him more “pliable”… questioning if whether his Count/father actually cares about him as a person, if he ever did, or was only ever a tool.

There’s also the other elephant in the room with “the man in red”, the hero of prophecy and the Bleck fam’s biggest op, being revealed as Luigi’s bio twin brother. Did the Count know this? Was he truly “abandoned” at all, as the Count had claimed for so long? Did his twin ever look for him? Miss him? Want him? Did the Count intentionally keep them apart? Was he ever going to learn about this detail? Before or after the Count, or the others, or even Luigi himself killed the hero for the success of the plan? Ever?

Then imagine poor Blumiere/Count either coming to realize or being accused directly of being “just like his father” before him. The father who also imparted very strict rules and expectations on his child to uphold for what the elder wanted of them, going to extreme and even cruel measures to assert that control justified as “protection” and “for your own good”. …Which he does end up doing to Luigi in respects here. That would be shattering.

Dimentio would absolutely exploit all of this to its fullest as well, manipulating both further against each other to draw Luigi to him instead (going in depth with everyone else in Team Bleck’s relationships with Luigi is gonna take a whole nother post). All of this has provided him with more fodder to hurt Bleck with and twist the knife for his up-and-coming betrayal. Taunting him with the idea that his wife is actually still alive and has been with the heroes this whole time now coming to kill him to stop the Void? Effective, sure. But turning his child against him, too? That would hurt.

But when that doesn’t go as planned, imagine he “kills” Luigi/Mr L (another discussion for another post) and leads Bleck to believe the heroes were responsible for it? Making all the Ch8 battles far more ruthless and grueling because the heroes aren’t just facing the villains to determine the the fate of all reality, but a family grieving the loss of one of their own that’s very fresh, and under the impression that THEY’RE his murderer(s). Count Bleck would on a dime fall back to that original plan to destroy everything permanently after losing someone he loved all over again.

Nearly killing the very people he’s grieving over in his madness and nihilistic self-destruction.

Then Dimentio makes him watch as he mind controls his son and weaponizes him into the apocalyptic monstrosity per his destiny in the prophecy to then kill him and all else?

Sorry this got so long, but I have sooooooooo many thoughts with this concept as you can see…

I love seeing so many people share their appreciation of Team Bleck being a family and wholly adopting Luigi as one of their own. Now I’d like you all to consider:

What if… Count Bleck found Baby Luigi while he was separated from his twin, and then he and the other raised him as part of the family into adulthood?

NOW THATS INTERESTING... we don't know the timeline at all of when count bleck lost timpani and also recruited the other minions so you could really get flexible with this one i imagine

a grown-up luigi encountering the red-clad hero of prophecy and being so startled because it's the first time he's ever seen someone who looks like him...

[ganondoodle]

some destiny (zelda comic) lore

i really have absolutely no problem with AUs, but in the case of my zelda comic i kinda dont like it being called that bc i made it specifically around the idea of offering an origin story to .. everything really that could be true and put the entire series in an entirely different light

like most things in the series around the creation of the world and the godesses etc are told to us, and i always ask questions when sth is just told to you especially in this black and white kind of way

idk if i ever talked about it, probably not bc its somewhat of a big reveal in the comic (though its at the very end) and given how slow i am thats years away so:

the three gods (gods as a neutral term here) exists outside the physical realm in a sort of void like darkness with an endless completely calm ocean they created the world we know as hyrules world, in fact they created two more, each of them filled with life, at some point choosing a mortal to kill and make into a deity as their right hand since the gods cant go into these worlds themselves

they want to enact the plan we see in skyward sword, they want a monster to invade the land, their chosen deity to seal it, die and be reincarnated and start the whole zelda cycle as we know it; why?maybe purely as entertainment, which is why each cycle is so widely different, they are gods and treating life and worlds like their little toys feels kinda right- and they really dont like when their toys act against them, thats not what toys are supposed to do after all

so, courage as i like to call them, was a deity they created using a mortal, but they failed to even make their mortals believe in them, instead they were seen as the monster, the gods lost their patience and drowned their world leaving only courage to survive, while they failed their orders and were hated, they still cared about their world, seeing it slowly drown and abandoned by the gods made them filled with despair, in an outburst they destroy the spring of the gods (an ancient spring that is the first to exist in a world when its created) and it opens up a gate into the realm of the gods, that dark calm ocean of nothing- they go into it and wander into the closest source of light and it brings them into demise's world

demise is the deity of his world, and when courage arrives there they start to attack it, filled with desperation and rage that their world was drowned while this one thrived- demise hasnt failed the gods yet, and he fights and seals away courage with easy, but it lets him doubt the gods words, courage was supposed to be some evil monster, yet they were similar to him and he defeated them so easily, why would he chose to die and be reincarnated as a mortal? he wanted to stay a deity and protect his world forever- he started to stall for time, halting the building of the temples for the hero in the future, and at some point courage broke out of its seal, nothing of it was like before it was a strange and now truly, a monster, and demise killed it to protect his lands, thus making the gods prophecy unable to be furfilled and so the gods abandon his world too, they let mortals turn against him as his world slowly dries out, until there is nothing left alive but him and ghirahim, trying to drive him to madness so he becomes the monster for the the next world in the row, but fail just barely- he too destroys the ancient spring and discovers the gate it creates

so demise travels to hylias world, and hylia, hesitates to seal him right away bc she notices he is not a mindless monster like she was told, despite the gods effort to raise her in isolation and make her into the perfect vassal, hylias curiousity is too much, so she lets demise live, over and over as they battle- which is the story of the comic, at the end they fall in love and uncover the gods plans, that demise was in the same position as hylia is, and he killed a deity jsut like them, that the reincarnation thing might be a lie to get rid of the biggest threat to the gods (the deities needed to be gotten rid of before they realized anything) and replace it with a more controllable mortal once the set up for the play was done, this too has been a cycle in the end the gods make sure this time it ends up how they want, more or less (im leaving out the details for now) and demise gets sealed and hylia dies, both of them taken by the gods but as both resisted them it is not perfect, demise still did not turn into the monster they needed so what you fight in skyward sword is an apparition of him, not him truly, and ghirahim knew he would never be himself again but his desperation and devotion made him try anyway only to end up playing right into the gods hands

and that is how the series started, a scheme of the gods to create their little play, inventing new little adversaries and eviil beings but short lived so easily to reinvent over and over, but its all based on lies, zelda isnt special, she was jsut a mortal that happened to be chosen by the gods to take the role she has now, shes no reincarnation of hylia, none of the things they tell you about hylia are true, its the gods lying to you, and the trio is stuck in this cycle not realizing they are merely being played with

(being sealed or dying as a deity send you to the realms of the gods, where they pin them down on a pillar like bugs (unconcious) and occasional borrow their magic for some tricks and schemes to play with in the world of hyrule, the deities are still there, and will be until the gods decide to kill them fully- and at the end of destiny as demise is take by them, in the last few moments before he is hung up like a trophy he not only sees that courage, who he thought he had fully killed, was already there, but in the darkness were countless remains of abandoned deities hanging dead on pillars, how many times have the gods done this before?)

(possibly not as interesting as i hope it is, but this is what im going for, and it only really works if the rest of the series exists just the same, otherwise the whole point of putting everything in this context would become kinda meaningless? at least thats how i feel about it so i dont like calling it an AU, but im not mad about it bc i guess if you take all the lore at face value it is completely different and doesnt work with canon at all? idk )

[soullessjack]

6am exhaustion posting but it’s very funny to me that jack is compared to so many serpents, the biblical serpent in the garden. the ouroboros. the black snake. and then he loves fantasy movies with heroes that crush villains. he reads fairy tales like sleeping beauty, fairy tales that predominantly have knights in shining armor slaying the dragon or the serpent. obviously with him wanting to be a hero he’d follow the KISH archetype, but also look. serpents are medievally satanic symbols. fairy tales are majority stemmed in European Christianity. He’s literally a dragon that wants to be a knight . A satanic if not Thee Satanic Serpent wanting to be a hero and a Knight In Shining Armor and actively partaking in slaying other beasts for acceptance. this vision came to me with caffeine and zero sleep but do you see it .do you see how this is insane and also funny. Do you understand it …..

[autisticrosewilson]

You guys would be throwing up and sobbing and writhing on the ground if you knew the Ravager: Year One comic I have in my head, and you'd all kill yourselves if you could read the Ravager: Renewal comic that I'm constantly thinking about. Untold secrets in the mind of a writer who can't draw for shit. Many such cases.

[batfossil-fr]

I’ve been really thinking of reopening my art shop soon… I’ve been taking some practice doodles (hence all the posting lately) while I shake off my rust and I’m finding things I enjoy working on again. I miss trying my hand at more dragons/OCs and colors. my shop’s so broken rn lmao but that’s a problem for a later date it’s just nice getting back into art

[drunkenskunk]

Welcome to another Drunk Skunk™ rant!

So.

I've had some time to sit and stew on the Fallout show, and I think I've finally figured out exactly what I want to say. Because kids? I got Opinions™ about this fucking series. I sincerely wish I didn't have all these Opinions™, because that would almost certainly cause me significantly less stress.

But here we are.

The Fallout show annoys me, but not for the reasons you think.

Let's get the good out of the way first. And by "good" I mean "damning with faint praise."

The Fallout show, as a piece of entertainment and experienced in a vacuum with no prior knowledge or context of the rest of the series or any of the other video games, is... fine. It's an entertaining television show. It's not great, but it's not terrible. It's okay.

The best part of the show is, unquestionably, Walton Goggins. Which is probably the coldest take here, everyone agrees that he's fantastic in this. And it's true! Granted, he doesn't look nearly as gnarly as he should, as the makeup is really giving Ryan Reynolds Deadpool Hugo Weaving Red Skull vibes, but I can honestly give that a pass. He steals every single scene he's in. He has all the best lines. Plus, all the pre-war flashbacks with him are excellent. That first scene when the bombs drop is fucking harrowing.

SPEAKING OF THE BOMBS!

The big reveal that Vault Tec were the ones to kickstart the apocalypse. My initial gut reaction to that was... Not Great. I didn't like it. In fact, I kinda hated it. I thought it was an answer to a question that nobody asked, because nobody cared, because it was never supposed to matter who shot first. The original point was that the end of the world was the inevitable outcome after so many years of war, so many years of stockpiling nuclear weapons, and so many bad decisions from everyone in positions of power on all sides of the conflict.

But the more I think about Vault Tec being the ones to destroy the world... I dunno, the more I... kinda like it? In a fashion. Sort of. As you can see by the remaining length of this fucking rant, I have Complicated Feelings about this!

See, Fallout has never exactly been subtle with its themes, but the show drops all pretense, and openly embraces a staunchly (and honestly, extremely surprising) anti-capitalist narrative.

The Fallout show pulls a Garth Marenghi unironically, and it honestly... kinda works?

Vault Tec were the ones to drop the bombs because they wanted to recreate the world in their image of a capitalist "paradise" free of any and all government regulation. The inevitable end result of the "great game" of capitalism is the literal end of the world, and the capitalists will do everything they can to destroy any attempts to rebuild any civilization not explicitly under their direct control. Because that's what capitalists do: they pursue an ultimately self-destructive goal that is not, and never was, sustainable, and will destroy everything else in their pursuit of endless, infinite, exponential growth, forever. Nothing else matters except Make Number Line Go Up.

Side note: it is extremely funny to me that Bethesda - a hollow shell of greed and excess who have been releasing the same game with different wallpapers over and over again since Oblivion - and Amazon - which is fucking Amazon - bankrolled a show where the villains are greedy capitalists who explicitly destroyed the world because of fiduciary duty to the shareholders. Like... guys, you do realize you two are Vault Tec in this scenario, right?

Ah well. That's capitalist realism for ya.

Anyway, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes that Vault Tec were the ones to drop the bombs.

HOWEVER.

Maybe this is just me being a cynical, drunken asshole here, but... it feels like this was a decision that was made, not because it was the best way to take the narrative, but instead as a means of enforcing the Status Quo of Bethesda Fallout.

See, the thing I liked about the west coast Fallout games was that it showed a world ravaged by the apocalypse, but it also showed that world beginning to heal. 200 years after The End, and civilization was returning. It was a natural evolution of things, emphasizing the post part of "post-apocalypse." It showed us a world that really sucked a lot of the time... but also gave us a small sliver of hope that, no matter what nightmares existed after The End, things could - and would - get better, so long as we put in the work to make it better. It was a world that showed us that nothing was ever so broken that it couldn't be repaired. We just had to fucking EARN that happy ending.

Bethesda Fallout, on the other hand, is just Wacky Wasteland Adventure Time. They are not interested in showing a world evolving or changing or growing, they just want a blasted hellscape that looks like it was freshly nuked yesterday. Why? Because that's the surface-level Aesthetic of Fallout. That is what is recognizable. And Aesthetic is all they know how to do. That's the mother fucking Brand.

Doing something different would risk changing the Brand, and if that kind of change happens, then it's no longer easily marketable. So they just keep with what's familiar: freshly irradiated hellscapes, caps as currency, makeshift weapons, psychotic raiders with no purpose or goals beyond Fuck You, and more of the fucking Brotherhood of Steel. It's all the stuff we remember, so we can point at the screen and go "I recognize that!" instead of allowing the setting to evolve and creating something new.

And that's what annoys me the most. Because even though Vault Tec destroying the world in 2077 makes a certain amount of sense, it also feels like it only exists as a means of artificially enforcing the status quo of the setting. Which means that nothing will ever matter in Fallout ever again. It doesn't matter what happens, or what changes in the future, or who wins the next ideological conflict between the same factions that keep reappearing over and over again like radroaches. Because whenever something strays too far from the established setting, Vault Tec (or, more accurately, Bethesda) is just going to nuke it again, like what happened to Shady Sands.

And, y'know, Shady Sands getting nuked like that really does rankle. Not because I ever had any attachment to the NCR, but because destroying it in the way that they did just felt so fucking lazy. If they wanted to get rid of the NCR, there were easily half a dozen other things they could've done that would've made far more sense. The NCR was a fantastically corrupt government, making the same mistakes as the same governments that (up until the show) were responsible for destroying the world. California was running out of food and clean drinking water because of gross negligence and mismanagement, public unrest was high because of excessive taxation and the "stop tolls" of corrupt border guards shaking down people, and both the military and bureaucracy of the NCR was spread fucking paper-thin, due to their policies of violent imperialist expansionism trying to take far more territory than they could reasonably hold, far more quickly than they could ever manage.

And did any of that matter? No. Not at all. Pursuing any of those plot threads would've required the writers to actually come up with some new ideas. So, instead, it was destroyed because of a cryogenically frozen Vault Tec middle manager with family problems. It was such a fucking lazy solution to a problem that should never have existed in the first place. It felt like the Fallout equivalent of "Somehow, Palpatine has returned."

That's why this show annoys me so much. Because this show that exists without subtlety or subtext, is telling us, to our face:

Don't hope for a better future, because it will never come. The world of Fallout is a destroyed, irradiated hellscape, entirely devoid of hope, and it will never, ever change, ever again.

Because that's the Fallout Brand, and that's what fucking sells.

[theloveinc]

always finkin about bein’ dilf!bakugo’s secretary hehe <3

i thought of him every day at the desk job i had, too🙏🏻

i feel like ... he sees you before he meets you. and it's not any kind of personal thing until it is. all non-hero hires are approved by him, yes, but he doesn't go through the actual hiring process with anyone cuz he assumes he's never gonna meet them aside from dropped off papers and few phone calls here and there when required.

but then you appear on his floor, right there next to the nurse station and the break room with the nicest coffee machine, and for some reason it's not like any of the other times new secretaries have been hired and sat outside his office.

and he always sees you, stares at you when he thinks you aren't looking, pondering just why and how he thinks you're so pretty, though you can always seem to tell and turn to talk to him like you pity him just a little bit. but his rusty heart flutters nonetheless (much to his chagrin) because he thinks you're the sweetest thing since kiri's daughter (which he'd never admit, not with how many diapers he's been made to change) to include him in your conversations with other team members.

and because he's older now, often remembers that even denki got married a couple years ago, he needs someone to daydream about at least to make the time pass since he's started thinking about all kinds of old man shit (see: his lonely ass bachelor pad). but he doesn't want that void filled with the pregnant florist from around the corner, nor the ditzy, young barista boy who once spilled chocolate syrup on his boots (he doesn't even like chocolate syrup).

but who does that leave except you? for him to think about when he passes by nice restaurants suited for romantic dates, or beautiful bouquets and liquors when he's sending flowers to his parents, OR even kids who get in his way when he's patrolling in family neighborhoods.

your job is already soooo domestic, and you always put little smiley faces and doodles on the post-its filled with reminders you leave for him, wave at him so sweetly from across the hall even though he's heaving and scowling; that has to mean something, doesn't it? DOESN'T IT?????

especially when he's at home and his dick is hard and god damnit, you wore those pants the other day, with the shirt that shows a lil bit of your cleavage and he needs a wank so bad and there is no one else he wants to envision :((((

so if he thinks about the (green? orange?) sliver of thong he saw the other day or maybeeee wedding and pregnancy sex and then comes in the next day with donuts pestering you more than usual about this and that, that's none of anyone's business.

(until, that is, you have your own little squirt running around the agency).

[imperatorrrrr]

It is Monday morning, the day after the New Jersey Devils lost to the Los Angeles Kings, and Alexander Holtz wakes up to you a text from his Captain.

feat. the anti-Lindy Ruff Squad group chat, the Nico Hischier Eyebrow Alert System, songs from Nico Hischier's actual playlists, and rampant silliness.

READ HERE

[waterfallofspace]

What A Way To Start A Year

T/im learns a little something about karma, friends, and care. Seems even J/on isn't quite as cold as he seems.

A M/agnus A/rchives fic, set somewhere pre-season 1. Shouldn't have any spoilers, but proceed with caution just incase~ (nothing late game, just character dynamic things)

Welcome to "I meant for this to be a little drabble and I wrote 3k words"~ Having a bit of hyperfixation and burn out as I started this new year, soooo I decided to make T/im suffer <3 Not promising quality seeing as I wrote this all in the span of tonight, but consider it a lil 'too long' drabble, and happy new years!

Best way to start off the new year, giving one of your lil guys a lil snz <3

Characters: T/im, M/artin, S/asha, and J/on. Word Count: 3.9k

(CW: There is some swearing, and light descriptions of high fevers)

Christmas had been good this year, maybe the best it had in a long time. Life of the party as always, Tim had enjoyed getting to spend it with his old, and new, colleagues. On top of that, Jon had been laid up with a pretty awful cold for a couple days leading up to it, so he wasn’t around to crush any brilliant ideas Tim came up with. 

This led to the budget receiving a fairly substantial hit, though many researchers donated to the cause when they learned this borrowing wasn’t exactly approved. Hell, even Elias had pitched in, claiming something or other about ‘archivists fit for the job not exactly growing on trees’, and wanting to ‘save some of Jon’s sanity’. 

“Tim? Are you even listening to me?”  

Pulled back to the conversation at hand, Tim lifts his gaze to the taller man fidgeting nervously in front of him. Martin was never one for confrontations, and usually the first ‘no’ would have been more than enough to lead to a string of apologies for even asking. Today however, he seems to have grown a spine. At the worst possible moment. 

“Oh come on,” Martin continues, missing the groan slipping from Tim’s throat. “Even Jon agreed to it!” 

“I’m not really in the party mood,” Tim retorts, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, Jon didn’t agree to celebrate, he agreed not to stop the celebration. Not the same thing.” 

From across her desk, Sasha gives a low chuckle. “He’s got you there, Martin.”

“Can you at least give it a little thought before turning it down?” Martin insists, completely out of character for someone usually so eager to please. 

What the hell has gotten into him today? He didn’t even seem to enjoy himself that much at the Christmas party. Sure, he had a few drinks and mingled with the staff, but he’d left as soon as it was over, not waiting around for chatting like Tim and Sasha.

Clearing his throat with a grimace, Tim casts Sasha a dark look as she chuckles again. Knowing far too much, as usual. Especially when it came to him. If it was anyone else, Tim would hate it with all his being, but given that it’s Sasha… well it’s a welcome invasion. 

Still, it would be nice if she didn’t rat him out. And to Martin of all people, well let’s just say he saw what happened when Jon was sick. Yeah, passing on that one. Attention is great, Tim lives for it, but the coddling? Not really his style. 

“hiEH– guh…”

Damn, that had been a close one. Thankfully Martin seems oblivious, though Sasha sits up in her chair, reaching down into a drawer to fish something out. 

Turning his focus back to Martin, Tim provides an offer, desperate to just have the interaction come to an end. 

“Fine, I’ll show up, but I don’t want any part in planning it.” 

“Oh of course, I’ll handle all the details, I mean it’s just a new years party, how much can there really be to do? I mean food, timing, gotta make sure we have keys to the building– oh but if Jon’s there, that shouldn’t be a problem…” Martin says, rambling beginning to fade into the background as Tim finds himself unable to- 

“hH– ek’CHhiew!” 

“-Oh, bless you!” Martin says, his own thoughts long forgotten. 

Unable to get a word out, Tim merely waves a hand, ducking into his shoulder for another, “eTChhew!” 

“Bles-” 

And another, “iTSChh’ew!” 

“Oh ble-” 

And another, “ehh– kTChh’iew!” 

Silently Sasha stands, handing Tim a pack of tissues. Must have been what she was looking for in the desk. Once again, knowing more than she should, of course she picked up on his patterns. 

Accepting them gratefully, Tim pulls a few out and roughly rubs at his nose, pointedly avoiding Martin’s worried gaze. Gripping his still trembling nose through the tissue, Tim sucks in a tight breath through his teeth, holding for a beat, before finally spinning around in his chair for a final- 

“hH’ETCSHh-ieuw! Whew, bless me.” 

Martin’s hands are fidgeting again, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself as Tim gives his nose a light massage through the tissue. He’s aware enough not to point it out, but is nearly shaking with the effort of suppressing his concerns. 

With a sigh, Tim meets his eyes. “I’m fine, Martin. I always sneeze like that.” He leaves out ‘when I’m sick’. It also happens if he’s suffering allergies, though he doubts that would be a point in his defense given it’s the middle of winter. 

“Yeah he’s not kidding,” Sasha pipes up, throwing Tim a wink as he glares. “You should hear him in spring, once it starts he can be going for hours.” 

“I wouldn’t say hours, Sash-” 

“Remember the cherry blossom incident?” Sasha interrupts, sending a sugary smile over to Martin. “He was wrecked for the rest of the day, I was almost certain he was never gonna stop. Even considered giving a statement here, that reaction was almost supernatural.” 

Tim winces, an audible moan slipping from his lips. “We swore to never speak of it again.” 

Sasha laughs, Tim giving her another playful glare from behind his tissues. “You swore that, I did no such thing.” 

Thankfully Martin doesn’t pry, having enough common sense to offer a polite chuckle, and offer some excuse about ‘planning’. Still, he can’t help himself from shooting a meek “I hope you feel better soon” over his shoulder, Tim giving him finger guns in return. 

“This is karma, you know,” Sasha calls after Martin’s outside earshot. “You took pleasure in Jon’s suffering, so now it’s your turn to suffer the same fate.” 

“No, thi- eTChhew! Scuse me,” Tim says, rubbing his nose with the tissue one last time before depositing it in his nearly overflowing trash can. Another tissue is plucked as his eyes begin to water, nostrils flaring with reckless abandon. Never just one. 

“kTChh’uew! hh’iTChh –uew! Tihhckles… eTCHh! etchh’uh! hiehh–” 

The last one toys with him, tracing the rims of his nostrils, back up his sinuses, a gentle itch that seems to burn against every inch of his nose. Finally, with a desperate gasp, Tim ducks into his wrist for the last, “heh’ATChhh –iew!” 

“Many blessings. Sounds like you need them,” Sasha offers with a wince, tossing another pack of tissues over, which Tim catches with a single hand, the other still gripping his nose. 

After taking a moment to clean himself up, Tim shoots her his signature smile, ignoring the eye roll she shoots back. “Where was I?” 

“Admitting this is karma?” 

“It’s not karma, it’s lack of common sense. Going to a party where a coworker is sick, and still drinking and eating the same meals” Tim says, aiming a rough cough into his sleeve. 

Sasha winces once more at the quality of the cough, hands rummaging through her drawers once more as she tosses a reply back. “And yet you’re the only one who caught it. Seems like karma to me.” 

Closing the distance between them in a single stride, Sasha places a hand on Tim’s shoulder, voice softening. “It’s two days till new years, why don’t you go home and try to get some rest? I doubt Martin will object, and I’ll cover for you with Jon.” 

Before Tim can form his rebuttal, Sasha places a box of paracetamol and a jar of vapor rub in front of him. Nodding his thanks, Tim lets out another harsh cough into his arm, leaning as far away from Sasha as he can manage. 

With a light rub to his shoulder, Sasha walks to the door, holding it open with a pointed look. “Go home, you sound awful.” 

“Alright, alright. I got the message. hH’ETchhiew!” Tim says, gathering his care package and beginning his walk down the hallway. 

“If I hear the rest of that fit happening in this building, I’m telling Martin how ill you really are,” Sasha calls after him, a smile flashing over her face as Tim holds up his hands in mock surrender, before ducking back into his arm with another muffled burst. 

— 

“You look horrible.” 

Tim manages a weary smile from behind the tightly wound scarf. “Thagk you.” 

Martin winces, standing in the doorframe, seemingly oblivious to the winter chill soaking into Tim’s bones. Even just the walk from the train station was hell on earth, standing out here is doing him no favours. 

Turning away with a throat scraping cough, Tim manages to clear the congestion enough to finish the sentence somewhat understandably. A great feat, given how fast his voice is retreating. “May I remind you that I’m only here because you insisted.” 

“Right, well I… I didn’t know how bad-” Martin begins, realizing spreading across his face like a wildfire as a chill leaves Tim breathless. “Oh god, I’m making you freeze to death while you’re already this sick, I’m so sorry, come in, I’ll go make you a tea.” 

Tim nods his thanks as he piles inside the warm institute, cursing his aching lungs as each breath of warm air seems to burn them from the inside out. Martin rushes away, nearly crashing into a few researchers as he makes his frantic dash for the kitchen. 

The scarf is reluctantly removed, a shudder running through Tim’s back as the warm air does nothing to soothe what he’s now certain is a growing fever. A few researchers wave to him, offering some idle chit-chat as he makes his way inside.

For the most part, people give him a wide berth, apparently he looks as bad as he feels. Tissues in hand, gripping them like a lifeline, Tim finds his way to a couch and lets himself sink into it. The party buzzes around him, fading into background noise. 

Martin returns soon after, the mug vibrating slightly as he attempts to steady his hand. “I wasn’t sure what kind you’d want, we have a pretty limited amount, but I have a few extras in my desk– oh I could have probably found one for colds and flus, I’m not sure which this is, I thought cold before but you look-” 

“Martin,” Tim interrupts, voice cutting uncomfortably through his raw throat. “Can I have the cup?” 

“Oh, right, sorry!” Martin says, a sheepish grin crossing his face, nerves more than anything else, as he hands Tim the mug. Tim gives another appreciative nod, taking a cautious sip. 

The warm liquid feels like heaven against his throat, and he barely manages to choke back a whimper. The flavour is still a mystery, Martin never actually got to that part. Given how little he can taste at the moment, seems it’s gonna remain that way. Still, the heat beginning to warm his chest is a welcome relief, and Tim has to fight to keep his eyes from drifting shut…

“Watch out!” 

The voice rouses him, his eyes snapping open just in time to witness Jon dropping to his knees in front of the couch. The realization doesn’t sink in for another minute, Tim blinking the tired from his eyes and trying to figure out why people are staring… and why there’s a hand on his finge– 

Oh, the tea. Thankfully Jon’s reflexes seemed to kick in just in time, his hands guiding Tim’s cup to the table next to him. Judgement clouds the boss's eyes as he turns back, fully ready to chastise Tim, no doubt. Jon opens his mouth, one hand beginning to point, but as his eyes scan Tim’s form, his demeanor changes instantly. 

“You don’t seem well.” Jon’s voice is still firm, but with a hint of something Tim can’t quite place. On anyone else, he’d call it concern. On Jon… perhaps concern isn’t far off, though the underlying criticism of the statement irritates him. 

“I wonder why that could be? It’s almost as if someone came to the Christmas party sick enough to fall asleep standing. Twice.” Tim says, sarcasm lining his words, alongside the congestion he can’t seem to fully shake. 

“Well in that case,” Sasha chimes in, cheerful voice a natural antithesis to the misery coursing through Tim’s system. “Seems you’re halfway there!” 

“Hey, I was lying down, that’s hardly the sahh… same thing– hH’ETchh!” 

“Here we go,” Sasha says, already turning on her heel to find a tissue box as Tim’s hitches increase in desperation. 

“aHTChh’ew! gn’tchhew!” 

“Bless,” Jon offers, a brief confusion crossing his face as Sasha laughs, shaking her head. 

“He’s not done,” She says, handing over the tissue box. 

Tim grabs for it blindly, too caught up in the fit to even attempt dignity. Still, the eyes on him do leave him with a hint of embarrassment, and the onslaught is muffled as best he can manage. “hH’MMpshhew! eMPFShh’ieh! hh’MFSHhueh!” 

Blessings sound out from the room, Tim managing to wave a hand towards the ones offering them, eyes still watering. As the fit seems to stall, he lowers his tissues, red nose now visibly twitching. 

“Are you alright?” Jon asks, the hint of concern from before now plainly evident. That’s frankly more alarming than it should be, and Tim finds himself wanting to… reassure the boss. 

“I’m okay, it’s juhh… j-just… huhh–” But it seems his nose has other plans, a tissue being raised once more as Tim paws at the appendage. “‘Scuhhse me, I still have… hahhve to… to… hiHh– eTCHh’ew! hk’ASCHh–oo!” 

This time the tickle fades with the final pitchy sneeze, Tim letting out a low groan as he mashes his nose into the ever growing collection of tissues he’s clutching. A few people call out final blessings, Sasha laughing out hers as Tim’s face goes red once more. 

Martin picks this time to enter the room with drinks, Tim letting his eyes flutter shut as the focus shifts off his misery. A gentle touch keeps him from drifting off to sleep, prying open an eye to find Sasha settling onto his left. 

“Careful, don’t want to catch this,” Tim manages, leaning against his right shoulder to muffle another stream of chesty coughs. Sasha winces as it goes on past the realm of comfort, her hand finding his back. 

“Don’t worry about me, I haven’t earned this cold, I didn’t make use of Jon’s or your suffering,” She says, the playful tone not masking the growing worry in her posture. 

While she can read him like a book, she’s no mystery to him either. The tension in her fingers, absentmindedly stroking patterns on his back. The way she subconsciously tries to support his body weight, despite them both sitting. The look in her eyes when he manages to stall the coughing long enough to meet them. 

With this brief respite from the attack, Sasha takes the chance to bring Tim’s tea back, his fingers wrapping around the warm mug. The first few sips burn, his lungs protesting, begging to return to their efforts to expel all the irritation. By the third, however, the warmth is spreading once more, easing the spasms. 

“Alright?” Sasha asks, beginning to stand from the couch. Tim nods his reply, taking another slow sip. “Think you’ll make it till midnight? We’ve still got a few hours to go.” 

He nods his approval again, not yet trusting his voice enough to make an attempt. Sasha simply smiles, easing back into the party that– Tim had almost forgotten existed. That fever must be worse than he thought, given how loud it is. A fact that’s now pounding against his head in harmony with his heartbeat. 

The party continues on, Sasha and Martin taking turns checking in on Tim as he slips rapidly in and out of consciousness. Seconds turn to hours, and before he knows it, it’s two minutes to midnight. 

As Tim blinks against the harsh fluorescent lighting, it’s Jon that stands before him, hand hovering near his side. Tim begins to speak, breaking off into a cough as his voice comes out rough with sleep and congestion. 

“What’s up boss?” He manages with the second attempt, not missing Jon’s wince at the nasal quality. 

“You simply look… well, the festivities are nearly over, I was just inquiring as to…” Jon seems to get stuck, eyes wandering down to the couch as he finishes. “I know you took the train here, I was seeing if you needed an escort home.” 

“How kind, I’d be delighted to have your accompaniment,” Tim responds, the wit clouding the fact he… hadn’t actually considered needing to go home. Jon seems to take this answer as satisfactory, ignoring all the sarcasm as he gives a tight nod and an out of practice smile. 

From across the room Martin calls out, something about a countdown. Tim attempts to pull himself to a stand, finding Sasha’s arm around his waist, guiding him to the wall. Leaning against it, he lets his rough voice join the chorus as they count into the new year. 

Despite how the lights and noise had pounded into his skull, everyone chanting in unison helps Tim realize that… there actually aren’t that many people here. Aside from his coworkers, there’s only a few researchers, and Elias is not in attendance.

Honestly, thank whatever cosmic being may exist for that one, he had been none too fond of Jon’s arriving sick. Tim shudders to think what he would have said about this state. He shouldn’t have come, but… something about how insistent Martin was… well he just couldn’t disappoint that loveable idiot. 

Somehow Tim finds he’s managed to keep up with the counting, despite being worlds away in his thoughts. As they approach the final numbers, a feathery sensation begins to spread through his nostrils- no. 

Absolutely not, this is not the time. It’s never just one, there’s not enough people here, someone’s gonna notice. And I mean, it’s not like he’s hiding the fact he feels like death, but… drawing that much attention is also not the goal. 

“Five! Four!”

“hiehh- h’ngTchh!” He manages to stifle the first, the congestion pounding in his head as the tickle seems to only get worse. 

“Three! Two!” 

“I cad���t– nNDtch! nGTCh’uh!” 

“One–” 

As the cheers begin to erupt, Tim ducks into the tissues with a scraping, “ehg’TCHhiew!” 

“Happy new years!” 

“yiEShh’iew! etchh’uh! hH’AESHH –oo!” Tim dips into his hands again, managing to sink down against the wall as he lets out a congested blow, ending the fit.

“What a way to ring in the new year,” Comes Sasha’s voice, her form blocking the light from Tim’s eyes as he looks up, fever blurring his vision.

“Shud ub.” 

“Christ Tim, you sound awful,” Jon adds, his form appearing behind Sasha’s. 

“Thagks boss,” Tim retorts, groaning as he notices a third form, Martin’s nervous fidgeting easy to spot even from this angle. Martin remains silent, though his eyes seem to hold more concern than any of them, and… guilt? Or maybe that’s just the delirium. 

Glancing up to meet Sasha’s gaze, Tim offers a weary, “Tibe to go hobe?” 

She nods softly, kneeling to help him to his feet, Martin wordlessly taking his other arm. Jon stands off to the side, hesitating. What for, who knows. All Tim can focus on is one step after the other, just gotta make it home, then he can sleep. For the rest of forever, at this rate. 

As they get to the door, Martin helps wrap the scarf around Tim’s neck, forcing him to lift it from its perch against Sasha’s shoulder. Sasha, for her part, supports his weight with ease, she was always stronger than she looked. 

Martin keeps casting glances towards Tim, obviously fretting over something. Too tired to manage his usual charm, Tim gives Martin the softest look he can manage. “Jusd say id, please. You’re makigg me nervous.”

“I’m so sorry I asked you to come, you’re obviously so unwell, and I know I didn’t really know that at the time, but I should have, or at least texted and checked in, I just… I wanted us all to get along so bad and I thought if you came it would mean more fun because you’re always so lively and good at talking to people and-” 

Tim holds up a hand, eyes glazing over as Martin stops short, breath coming almost as rapidly as Tim’s. After a minute goes by, Martin starts to open his mouth, seeming confused by the interruption, before nearly jumping out of his skin as Tim ducks into his fist. 

“eTCHh’ew! hH’YEAShh –iew! Sorry, I feld those cobigg… waid– hih’ETCHhew! heAYSHh’oo!” Tim ducks down again, Sasha grabbing him tighter to support the harsh shudders as he attempts to keep his balance. 

“Oh bless you,” Martin offers, voice coming out timid. Tim gives him, what he hopes is, a warm smile despite the fever taking hold of the last corners of his mind.

“If I didn’t wanna cobe, I would have stayed hobe. I dod’t blame you.” 

Martin nods silently, a relief seeming to flood his face. Taking his place once more supporting Tim, they move towards the exit. Opening the door, the first wave of cold floods the entryway, and a chill so violent runs through Tim that both Martin and Sasha take a step back to brace him. 

It’s now that Jon speaks up, voice strained with a type of worry Tim hadn’t heard before. “No, we’re absolutely not doing this, I refuse.” 

The trio turn towards him. Though perhaps a more accurate description is that Martin and Sasha turn, Tim simply goes along for the ride. Martin mumbles something about ‘no other choice’, but Sasha asks what Jon’s on about. 

“It’s too cold out there, it’s the middle of the damn night, there’s no way I’m letting him go home like this.” 

“And what do you suggest we do as an alternative? He can’t stay here-” Sasha begins, pausing as Jon turns towards her. 

“Why not? I’m the archivist, this is my archive,” Jon begins, pausing for a moment, before adding, “Well, Elias’s, but I hardly think he’d suggest we send an employee home in this weather while they’re this sick. That’s just bad management, he’ll freeze to death before even reaching the train.” 

As if to confirm this assumption, Tim shudders violently, ducking into his chest with a tired, “hh’eshhew! eTCHh’iew!” followed by a heavy sigh. Martin mumbles something about covering, but quickly silences himself as Tim begins to tremble again. 

Sasha gives Jon a look, seeming to read him for any hints of doubt, perhaps searching for an ulterior motive. After a brief pause, their eyes meeting, she gives a tight nod, approval of some kind. 

“Come on Martin, let’s get him back to that couch, he can sleep there for the night,” Sasha directs, Martin nodding his acceptance. 

Tim manages to catch snippets of the conversation as they get him settled. Jon fetching him a blanket he keeps in his office. Martin providing some more tea. Sasha grabbing tissues and medication for when he wakes up. Something about Jon sleeping in his office so he’s not alone, and Sasha coming in early to help him home. 

With his final bout of consciousness, Tim holds up a hand, the conversation immediately pausing. “Thagk you guys. And… esSHhh’ew! And, I’b sorry.” 

All three stare at him for a minute, before Sasha breaks first. Her laughter fills the silence, Martin joining in soon after, and even Jon letting a few chuckles slip out. When they’ve finally collected themselves, Sasha gives Tim a warm smile. 

“Sleep well, Tim. I’ll come fetch you in the morning.” 

With a content sigh, Tim lets his eyes drift shut again, his consciousness fading to the soft hum of his friends in the background. 

Alright, so maybe coddling isn’t quite so bad after all.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

getting invested in your own au is so dangerous because sometimes you'll start wanting to make an au of your au, and you'll come to a tough split point decision where you have to decide if you do that Or if you just make your idea canon to the first au, because no one can stop you

anyways. i need to be physically restrained from touching lucky jumbo right now

[lost-in-fandoms]

Logan and Max have another talk, or 'does kissing count as free therapy?' Part 2 of whatever this was. I couldn't fall asleep last night because of how hard I kept thinking about these two. I blame @girlsdads for giving me the brainrot in the first place.

cw: the tiniest bit of implied sexual content

It's another bad race. Fucking 16th, only ahead of the two Saubers, and of the Haas and Alpine that had crashed each other out. There was no reason why his pit stop had to be 4.3 seconds, when Alex's had been 2.7, no reason why he had been fucked over by not one but two undercuts because of shitty strategy, no reason why Alex's side of the garage had to be celebrating 8th place while his was sullen and quiet.

Logan fears he's going to throw up when he steps in and James claps him on the shoulder, saying sorry, next time, as if Logan doesn't know his contract is on the line. Fucking. Next time?!

Logan feels like he's trying to swim with his hands tied behind his back, desperately trying to make it to shore. Nobody cares he's drowning.

He can barely look up during the debrief, feels like he's choking the whole time on the words nobody is saying. As soon as he's free, he escapes, fumbling for his phone as usual. Only this time, he doesn't call his mom.

Are you free?

Max has his motorhome this weekend, and Logan doesn't wait for an answer before heading over. If he doesn't answer, he'll just take a walk.

Yes come over

He's knocking on Max's door before he can rethink it, before all these feelings catch up on him and he decides he's going to break down alone instead. When Max opens his door, Logan immediately regrets it. He's wearing a black t-shirt, hair styled, looking ready to go out. Of course he's heading out, he has a win to celebrate. Unlike Logan. Who should have just gone home.

He opens his mouth, ready to apologize and turn around, when Max's hand closes on his shoulder, his mouth downturned with what would be worry, if it wasn't absurd for Max Verstappen to be worried about him.

"Come in," Max says, doesn't leave space for arguments when he pulls Logan inside, closing the door behind him.

For a long moment they just look at each other, as Logan's waves lap at his neck. He doesn't know why he's here anymore.

"Are you okay?" Max's hand is still on his shoulder. Logan feels like he'll keel over if he takes it back.

"I might be out of a seat."

It's not an answer to Max's question, it's not even what Logan meant to say, it's not something he should be telling to the competition, but really. Logan is barely Max's competition at all, and who wouldn't know that after this season's disaster? Nobody is counting on him to race next year.

He waits for Max to say something, even if it's just empty platitudes, but the other just squeezes his shoulder and nods, and suddenly it's much harder to hold back his tears.

"I just..." he breathes in, willing his voice to not crack, "I don't know what I am doing wrong."

It comes out more desperate than he meant it to, but he's just so tired and upset, and nobody is seeing him drown. Why is nobody paying attention?

"You have a shit car, get bad strategy calls, and have a teammate with years more of experience. You are not the one doing it wrong."

Max says it so matter of fact, as if he's the one driving the shit car, the one with the better teammate, the one having to fight through the back of the field with no success, and suddenly Logan is angry. He shrugs Max's hand away, fists clenching. What does Max know about being the second driver in a bad team? How dares he say he knows Logan's hunger?

"Fuck off," he spits, wrapping his arms around himself to hide the way his hands are trembling. He shouldn't have come.

"You have potential, you are not doing it wrong," Max says again, stubborn and bull-headed as always, jaw set and eyes clear. Logan's anger spikes again. Max Verstappen, the prodigy child, talking to him about wasted potential? This must be a joke. He scoffs, ready to turn around and leave, but Max grabs him again, gets a hold on his elbow and keeps him where he is.

"Why are you angry?" he asks. And yeah, this must be a joke, for sure. Why is Logan angry? Why is he angry?!

"You don't get to..." he starts, but Max interrupts him, squeezing his elbow.

"No. Why are you angry?"

"The team..."

Max takes a step closer, narrowing his eyes.

"Not the team, I do not care about the team. Why are you angry?"

As if there was a right answer to the question that Logan isn't getting! It's his own anger! And Max doesn't care about the team? Of course he doesn't, it's not his team fucking up! Why can't Logan be angry about the team?!

"Alex gets..."

"No. Why are you angry?" Max interrupts again, steadfast in a way that grates on Logan's nerves.

They're too close now, and for a second Logan entertains the idea of punching three times world Champion Max Verstappen. Anger burns in his chest, and suddenly, without knowing who closed the gap, they're kissing. It's not a nice kiss, all teeth and spit, and it almost feels the same as the punch he hasn't thrown, until Max moves his hand from his elbow to his waist, the other one coming up to cup the back of his neck, turning his head slightly. Gentling him.

His anger is back in his lungs, but it's no longer anger, it's back to salt water, and Logan is drowning again. He breaks the kiss, gasping, but Max doesn't let him go.

Logan doesn't remember the last time someone held him like this, like being here matters.

"Why are you angry?" Max asks again, breath soft against Logan's bitten lips. He smells vaguely like minty toothpaste.

"Because..." he hesitates, but at this point he might as feel say fuck it, and give it all. All his fleshy insides in Max's hands, bleeding on the floor between them. "Because I could do better, but I can't do it like this."

This time Max nods. "You could do better."

And Logan knows his parents and friends have said it before, have kept saying it for years. Knows his time in Formula 2 speaks for itself. But it's different, to have Max say it like that, so surely. It's a different kind of validation, and a different kind of heartbreak, because they both know his time to prove it is running out. It's hard to breathe again.

"It is good to be angry. It makes you want to take it," Max says, maybe mistaking the way his breathing has gone funny. But Logan doesn't feel angry anymore. He's tired, and scared, and lonely. He drops his head on Max's shoulder, who moves to card his fingers in his hair, bearing his weight with ease. Logan wishes anything would come easy to him instead.

"I don't know how to be angry," Logan confesses. He doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to disappoint Max, but he disappoints better than he lies anyway. What's one more person.

"That is of course still okay," Max says, instead of some sort of rebuke Logan is expecting. For a second, he thinks about the stories of Max's childhood, of angry men and steel hands. Max's fingers are gentle in his hair.

"What do you want right now?"

It's too big of a question. Logan wants his seat to be safe, he wants to end in the points, he wants a good car, he wants to not feel so distant from everyone else, he wants to go home. He wants someone to tell him it will be alright and mean it.

He shakes his head, forehead dragging against Max's t-shirt. Disappointing again.

Max holds his hair a little tighter, uses the grip to pull Logan up, to make him open his eyes.

"What do you need?"

And it's the same, but it is different, and Logan needs...he needs...

"You can take it. What you need." Max sounds so sure of it, Logan can almost believe it. Maybe Logan doesn't know how to take, doesn't know how to fix it, but here, now, he at least knows what he needs.

"I need to be better," he says, words bleeding out from his split-open chest. "I need to be good."

They both know what Logan means, because the thing with Max is, that it's always about racing, even when it isn't, and it is also always both at the same time.

Max nods, letting go of his hair, and Logan pushes him around, back against the door. Gentle, because he needs to be, but firm, because he wants this.

He eases himself to his knees, and feels Max's hand cup his cheek. His raspy voice isn't disappointed, or pitying, or even sad when he speaks, only fond. A little proud.

"Good boy."

[keeps-ache]

ouhhh i'm turning into my grandmother [chewing on wriggley's gum]

[kohakhearts]

insomnia is so cool i just queued 200 posts everyone say good job taylor and also happy 3am

[vexxandra]

Should you hold onto this person? (any connection!!)

Little disclaimer: I’ve posted PAC readings before, but I cannot ensure the accuracy! Please take what resonates and leave what doesn’t! Another thing I want to say: if you’re here with me, reading this... reading (lmao) with the intent to know if this person is worth waiting for, the answer won’t fully come from me. Of course, PACs give you insight on a situation, but I don’t want to encourage you to do something that isn’t aligned with your higher self or with your greatest good. So please, please, please, please pleeeease don’t fully rely on me, or really anyone else. Please don’t get the wrong idea, that I’m telling you not to trust anyone, that’s not my intention at all! I suppose what I’m trying to say is that: “Don’t let other people 100% make your decisions from you.” At the end of the day, it’s your life, and these are decisions that you must make, though I and others can give you guidance. No matter what, the Universe will make sure everything turns out okay, okay? :) Also none of these images belong to me!

I was originally gonna do this reading only for myself, but then I started scrolling and bingereading PACs and found little readings that benefitted my current situation, and I thought, “What if people are asking about the same thing as me?” So here we are rn :D

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ! - Aubrey sticking her tongue out and pouting

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Six of Pentacles

Yes, yes, and yes!!! Six of pentacles is such a good card especially when asking about someone! I feel like this person is just like a warm blanket, I even got that vibe from the pic itself! I also feel like this person could be a soulmate of some sorts, or could be perhaps in your soul family? If you believe in incarnation, I feel like you’ve had a few lives together, and just generally have had a happy time together. I feel like the season of fall might be significant as well, or maybe early spring? Either way, I get a strong feeling that equinox seasons hold some kind of significance. But I kind of feel like no matter what I said, you’d still hold onto your person. At least just a teeny tiny bit.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ Three of Swords rx, The Hanged Man rx, Two of Cups

I feel like things would go amazingly for you, pile one. We have the Three of Swords rx, which talks about moving forward and healing, and the Two of Shells which talks about union. I feel like most of you will move forwards with this person, but if you go your separate ways, that’s okay too, plenty of new opportunities are awaiting you, so just take the leap of faith is what spirit is telling me :). We also have the Hanged Man, which, for me, represents new perspective and not repeating the same mistakes. Of course, different people have different interpretations, some people interpret the Hanged Man rx in love as a sign to leave, as it’s a toxic relationship, but I don’t really get that feeling for you guys. Again, it’s about healing past wounds and a new start, so yes I can feel like it would turn out very positively for you all! <33

What would happen if you let go? ~ Two of Swords, Six of Cups, Page of Swords rx

First of all, the cards took so long to come out. I had to pull all of them manually (which I, like, never do) so I feel like its highly unlikely that this pile will let go of their person, but if they were to, it would be very against their will (take this as it resonates people!!). En tout cas, we have the two of swords, which shows me that you’ll be very torn between what to do. You might feel a little lost and hopeless is what I’m feeling, even though that’s not what the card really talks about. But with this Six of Shells, I can see that you’ll find someone that’ll really be whatever you wanted. Like, kind of like... she’s(he’s/they’re) a fairytale~~.... Finally, we have the Page of Swords rx, which tells me to be a bit wary of the way you both are communicating. Make sure you be patient with each other and wait for the other to tell their whole story, okay? Don’t get into foolish arguments over nothing. It’s terrible.. and ruins both of your days. Speaking from experience :P

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ! - Aubrey lying down, staring at the stars

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Ace of Swords rx

My dear pile twos... I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if you should stay or go. Truth be told, I don’t even know if you know what you should know! I get the strong feeling that this is a new person, or it very heavily seems like this person is unknown to you. Let’s start with the basics. How do you feel about this person? Do these feelings change as you see sides of this person that you don’t usually see? Once you take of your rose colored glasses, does anything change at all? It’s time to go over what you’re certain of in order to make a decision. And that decision must come from your heart.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ Page of Swords rx, Three of Pentacles, Ace of Cups

Let’s cut to the chase. Things would start looking up!! With this Page of Swords, I see that miscommunications and small little arguments would mostly be regulated and smoothed out between the two of you. I see that most arguments would be better, and communication in general would start getting better. Next up, with the Three of Pentacles, you’d start doing more things together. I see very much quality time with this card, and this ties in very well with the Ace of Cups, there’ll be a renewal in this connection, in the sense that the love will be renewed. Kind of like, putting a spell in you all over again. You’ll feel like the sun poked out of the clouds and started mesmerizing you again. This is good energy!!

What would happen if you let go? ~ Three of Cups rx, Two of Pentacles rx, The Hermit rx

Let’s start with the Two of Pentacles rx. I can see that you’d be juggling a lot of things (possibly to forget about your person?) and drowning in your work to try to distract yourself from this Three of Cups rx. For me, the Three of Cups rx is all about sorrow and bad times. All about the sad times after the high. I can also see that with the Hermit I can see that you’ll be mostly aimlessly doing stuff, like, drowning in your work and mindlessly repeating your routines. I don’t want this to discourage anyone from leaving their person, as I can see that this is a quite short-term energy so please don’t feel discouraged at all! Please, please, pleeease don’t let me stop you from doing what you think is best!!

ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ! - Pink haired Aubrey eating dango (at least that’s what I think it is, it could be ice cream i guess?)

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Five of Wands rx

Yes, pile three, I think you should hold onto this person! If the two of you have been going through difficult times, this card is definitely a confirmation that things with be... I don’t wanna say peachy pink perfection but it’ll be very nice! Both of you have gone through a period of maturity and are now ready to move forward together, in a peaceful, harmonious manner.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ Knight of Swords, Ace of Cups, Five of Swords, Ace of Pentacles

Starting off with the Knight of Swords and the Ace of Cups, I see this is more individual more than as a pair. You both as a result of being together, or at least having the others support, will become more... hm... I suppose assertive? More willing to stand in your power, I see. And this standing in your power I can see also ties into your self love. So this person helps you stand in your power, and helps you love yourself unconditionally. Next, we have the Five of Swords and the Ace of Pentacles together. Interesting because I only wanted three cards but got four. Interesting! So, let’s start with the Five of Swords. I take this card very much as a card that depicts passive aggressiveness and pettiness and selfishness, so one person might still struggle with expressing their anger, but with the Ace of Pentacles, I can see that these problems will be accepted and offered help by the other person. So yeah! Awesomesauce!! (I apologize)

What would happen if you let go? ~ Ten of Wands, Queen of Wands, Knight of Wands rx

First of all, no matter if you stay or go, I can see that you’ve been tired for a while. But if you choose to let go, I can see that you’re even more exhausted because of this person, or maybe because of external factors. Or maybe external factors regarding this person. Or maybe because external factors caused your person to be different. Whatever this is, I can see that you’re tired. But you’re still fighting. You still have fight in your eyes, you still want to change, you still want to keep fighting for yourself/what you believe in. And with this Queen of Wands, I know, one hundred percent that you will succeed. You will be victorious in whatever you want, whatever you’re fighting for, you will succeed, and you will come out on top of it. Finally, with the Knight of Wands rx, this also ties into your Ten of Wands/Queen of Wands battles. I can see that it will initially be frustrating because it feels like your efforts aren’t going anywhere, and that you’re not changing anything, spirit or whatever you believe in is saying that; “No, you are making a change, you are making a difference, your efforts aren’t in vain, don’t give up.”

ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜰᴏᴜʀ! - Pink haired Aubrey smiling

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Four of Crystals rx

Maybe, if you’re open to change. The walls on your heart have come falling down, causing you to be vulnerable. But fear still taints your soul. You want to run away, run far, far, far away from this person, run a thousand miles to not see their stupid face again, because you hate how they make you feel. How they caused your heart to warm, how they broke down you walls. You think that you’re scared of this person, but it’s actually that you’re afraid of how they make you feel. So if you’re willing to confront your fear, I personally am leaning more towards yes, hold on, but overall, I’m just feeling neutrality. Like my spirit guides don’t want me to interfere in your decision.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ The Wheel of Fortune rx, Queen of Pentacles rx, Queen of Wands

There’ll be trials and tribulations (I’m seeing the Princess and the Frog), that’ll come between you and this person. These events are totally out of control, and won’t be your fault at all, and with peace and love, nothing you can do will change it, so don’t spend your time trying to change the inevitable. I can see that these changes will cause one or both parties (or third parties) to become snappy and irritable. Don’t really pay much mind to that, unless they cross a line, then now I’m hearing that one tiktok sound that’s like, beat his ass bro, beat his ass, but obviously don’t do that lmao. Or maybe do that. I don’t know, spirit didn’t tell me anything about the beating of asses so do whatever feels right to you. Finally, with this Queen of Wands, I can see that you’re taking back what was once taken from you. I can see that you’re now standing in your personal power, and that’s awesome, I’m so proud of you!!!

What would happen if you let go? ~ Knight of Pentacles, Page of Cups, Four of Wands

Personal power through the roof!!!! You’re so powerful, I need you to know that right now!!!!!!! We have the Knight of Pentacles, so I see that you’ve been battered and bruised by life before, but I can see that you’ve always come out on top. You’ve never given in, and I honestly feel like bowing to your awesome warrior spirit! You’re so awesomely awesome that I cannot even!! Next let’s look at the Page of Cups. You’re going to heal your inner child, you’re going to heal all of your past wounds, and you don’t even KNOW how much your life is going to change after that!! And with the Four of Wands, which I depict as a family card, I can see that you’re family bonds (it doesn’t even have to be blood family, I consider my best friends my cousins!!) will be strengthened to the absolute MAX. And if you’re not on good terms with the people you love, I can see that that energy is shifting into a better energy!

ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜰɪᴠᴇ! (I personally also chose this pile, so let’s see if we should stay or go together :) ) - Aubrey drinking.... something??

**little note, since this is also my chosen pile, sometimes i’ll say we, but just ignore that if it bothers u :))

Should you hold onto this person? ~ The Fool rx

My fellow loves of pile five. We probably already know this, but it’s not the time to be holding on to this person. I know it’s hard. To love someone so hard, but to have them want other things, it’s terrible. Though, I know I shouldn’t give hope (I shouldn’t be giving out advice either, I’m so biased!), I feel like this isn’t the end. The Fool rx for me, is the closing of a cycle. Yes, yes, I know, that’s the World, but I really do get that vibe from the Fool. So, chin up pile five, it’s not the end.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ King of Pentacles, The Tower rx, Knight of Wands rx

The King of Crystals right off the bat shows me potential for something more. However, this contradicts with the Tower rx, which is all about prolonging disaster. This shows me that what you think, what you think is happening, when you think that the connection is moving forward, spirit is like nope! And flipping it upside down. This ties in super well with the Knight of Wands rx, because I feel your frustration. I feel your anger (but I’m angry all the time, so haha), but what spirit wants, spirit gets! There’s nothing we can do to change it. And, if you’re like me, you’re scared of change. I don’t know what to say to you if that’s the case, I’m sorry, but we’ll get through this together. It’s hard to go with the flow, but we’ll make it through, pile five. We’ll be okay.

What would happen if you let go? ~ Temperance rx, Eight of Pentacles rx, Seven of Pentacles rx

How sad lmao, whether we chose to stay or go, we will still have to deal with shit! That’s really sad, but anyways, let’s get into the cards. Starting off with Temperance in reverse, it’ll be very hard to adapt, because this person feels like home, you really miss this person, you could never have imagined this person leaving you, so it’s hard to change to fill the void created by said person leaving. Next up, let’s go to the Eight of Pentacles rx. This Temperance rx causes a great impact on your work/school life. It’s like, you’re distracted by this person leaving, that you start neglecting your other duties. Next, it’s interesting that we get the Seven of Pentacles right after the Eight, like we’re stepping down from a level, for lack of better words. For me, the Seven of Pentacles is movement even when stagnant, which doesn’t make sense, I know! But it’s very much behind the scenes, so I can see that spirit is orchestrating something more behind the scenes, I can see that it’s like, your deepest desires coming into fruition, but it’s veeeeeery slow. Just be patient, it’ll come (I know its hard!!!)

ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜱɪx! - Aubrey in a Christmas sweater

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Eight of Cups

I don’t think you should hold onto this person. I feel like you know that you need to move on, so what’s stopping you? Is it fear of being alone? Fear of the great unknown? Fear of the uncertainty? First of all, just identify what is keeping you trapped. You know that this wasn’t meant to be, so why are you still stuck on this person? Have courage to walk away from things that aren’t for you. You need to be open to change, and you need to know when to stop taking shit from this person.

What would happen if you stayed? ~ Hierophant rx, Eight of Swords, Page of Pentacles

You’d be wasting a lot of energy on something that isn’t worth it, pile six. With this Hierophant rx card, you feel like everything is urging you to leave, but also with this Eight of Swords you feel trapped in this situation. Please, please, please, pile six, if this is a situation where you’re getting hurt, or a situation where you feel unsafe, please seek help. I don’t want anything or anyone to hurt you, so please talk to someone you trust about this!! Please, I’m begging you. With this Page of Pentacles, I generally interpret this as a positive card in my readings, but all I can see here is one-sidedness. You’re so giving to this person, and yet they give back nothing in return. I know it’s hard to walk away but please walk away! I know I sound super forceful and maybe a little harsh too, but this sounds so much like what I had to deal with in the past, I don’t want you to repeat my past mistakes!!

What would happen if you let go? ~ The Wheel rx, The Hanged Man rx, Page of Pentacles

After your experiences with this person, the world might seem like its against you. You might have a low tolerance to little irritating things, and the slightest inconvenience might be taken in the wrong way. Please don’t think that I’m belittling you, because I feel the same way(even now, I have a lot to work on!). With the Hanged Man rx, it might feel like your life is stagnant, and that everything is in vain. This is giving me similar energy, but I can’t remember which one. Usually, I would say to chose a different pile, but if that pile tells you to hold on, DON’T DO IT. The person on your mind obviously is a dick, so I would say just choose another pile if you like, really, really feel drawn to it. If not, I’d personally just stick with this pile. Unless it doesn’t resonate. Then chose another, maybe that one will hit closer to home. En tout cas, with this Page of Pentacles, I can definitely see life looking up for you. Mentally, I can see you being more grounded and in control of your life, financially, things will be looking up, career wise, I can see a promotion or maybe some training for something you’ve been looking forward to for a while. Or maybe a new person struck your fancy. In that case, I’d advise you to take it slow, get a real feel of the person before assuming anything. You got this, pile six :)

ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ! - Aubrey under an umbrella

Should you hold onto this person? ~ Two of Pentacles rx

Before looking up whether this would be a yes or no (guys no I promise I’m very professional), my answer was no. After skimming a few articles, my answer is a hard no! I don’t even know why, to be honest with you! Just no! Straight up no!

What would happen if you stayed? ~ Four of Swords, Queen of Cups, Ten of Wands

I can see that you’d get exhausted very quickly. With this Four of Swords, I’m seeing two possibilities. Either this person is taking you for granted, or you’re getting very tired of this person. With this Queen of Cups, I can see that you’re very loving towards this person, or you’re very tolerant. I also can kind of see that you act as their therapist, of sorts? Either way, I see that it’s very one sided. As in, you’re very giving towards them, but they won’t reciprocate the actions. They’re very selfish! Finally, with the Ten of Wands, you’re getting fed up. This whole pile has to deal with a lot of bullshit I’m seeing very clearly! En tout cas, you deserve much better, pile seven. Leave this person, they don’t deserve you.

What would happen if you let go? ~ Four of Cups rx, Six of Cups, Ten of Cups

If you let go, pile seven, you’d get so happy, you can’t even imagine. With this Four of Cups rx, I can see that you’ll be choosing yourself over other people for the first time in a while (or for the first time?) and it feels really good! You’re choosing happiness, and for that, I’m so proud of you, pile seven. Secondly, we have the Six of Cups. This could be regarding another person, but I feel as if this is more regarding yourself. You’re starting to love yourself the way that you deserve, and finishing off with the Ten of Cups. What a lovely way to end this reading that took me THREE HOURS TO WRITE. Anyways, I digress, you’ll have your happily ever after once you let go of that douche. I don’t really have anything else to say, pile seven! I’m happy for you!

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How do you end a post? Um, well like and follow and reblog I guess lol?? I’ve never been good at ending things (hahaha ren very funny since you’re writing this blog) anyways, I hope you all have a lovely day!!!!!

[singsweetmelodies]

*charles wtf discord react*

[cowboysmp3]

i’m trying to read every unread book on my bookshelf before the end of the year and the problem is. a lot of the reasons i abandoned certain books is because they are . not good but lord im trying 🙏