#this stuff i dunno 8 months ago but at the same time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zorinanana · 2 years ago

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Kiss Me in the Dark is another illustrated fanfiction I made a couple months ago. It takes place in the same continuity as Like a Glass Bottle, but it's a completely separate story that doesn't really connect to that one. I also wrote this before Chapter 7 Part 1 or the Sunset Savanna event came out so there's some parts that definitely diverge from canon. There are also spoilers for chapter 6, by the way.

Rating: M (Strong language, suggestive content, A LOT of mentions of suicide and self-harm)

Pairings: Leona/Idia, background Malleyuu

Content Warnings: This story pretty much revolves around suicidal ideation, depression, and self-harm. I am serious, you probably don't want to read it you have a hard time with that stuff.

Word Count: Long as Fuck (~55k words)

<- Previous (Chapters 8-10)

“This isn’t a fucking opportunity and you know it.” Leona snapped. He clenched his fists at his sides, tail lashing in irritation. He was ready to fight, if he had to. He’d win, too. He’d make sure he won. “I’m just too much of an embarrassment to keep around anymore, so you want to get rid of me!”

Falena stared at him. Gradually, his face softened, like he had just realized what a terrible mistake he’d made.

“I don’t want to get rid of you, Leona.” Falena said. His voice was gentle. Leona had only heard him talk like that when Cheka was afraid of something and needed comforting.

And once, a long time ago, when he fell out of an acacia tree.

Chapter 11 - Blood

“Leona? What happened?”

Six-year-old Leona ceased his wailing just long enough to look up, though he still whimpered out a few sobs here and there. Falena had come out to the acacia tree to kneel beside him, face paling at the sight of his bloody hand.

“I f-fell… My foot hurts, and my hand…” He managed to whimper.

Falena gently took his injured hand, dabbing some of the blood away with the hem of his shirt. “Ouch. That looks pretty bad. Did you try to grab one of the branches and get stabbed by a thorn?”

“I dunno. Maybe…”

“Come on, let’s go get some bandages.” His brother tried to help him to his feet, but as soon as Leona put weight on his ankle he yelped and stumbled against Falena’s legs.

“Uh-oh.” Said Falena. He looked even more scared than Leona felt, but soon his fearful expression shifted into a determined, almost regal seriousness.

“Don’t worry, I gotcha.” He said to Leona, lifting his little brother into his arms with only a little strain. He was already 16 and getting pretty strong, after all. Leona clung to him, his injured hand making a fist in the back of his shirt. Keeping pressure on it seemed to help the pain a little, but it was still awful. He didn’t want Falena to see him cry and make fun of him, so he buried his face in his shoulder and sniffled into the fabric.

“Hey, it’s okay, buddy.” Falena said soothingly. He reached up with one hand to stroke the back of Leona’s head. “You’re gonna be okay. It’s just a little scratch.”

Falena started the short walk back to the main palace, his balance a little off thanks to the extra weight. Leona looked over his shoulder back at the acacia tree, eyes still blurry with tears. Just a few minutes ago, he’d wanted so bad to climb to the very top. Just to prove he could. Now, it felt so silly and stupid.

“Y’know, I tried to climb one of those too, once.” Falena remarked.

“You did?”

“I got a kite stuck up there. I got it eventually, but I was all scraped up. It hurt like he… heck.”

“You can say ‘hell’.” Leona grumbled. “I’m not a little cub.”

Falena laughed, but it wasn’t a mocking laugh. It was a laugh of understanding, the laugh of a young boy who also wanted to be seen as a grown-up. “I know you aren’t, Leona. Mom will just get mad at me if she found out I was talking like that.”

“Yeah.” Even if they were princes, the last thing they ever wanted to do was make mom mad.

Leona drifted off on the short walk back, and when he woke up, his hand was cleaned and bandaged and his ankle was in a brace. The doctor told him he had sprained it, but it would be good as new with a couple weeks of rest.

She whispered the whole time so she wouldn’t disturb Falena, who had fallen asleep at his bedside, still wearing the same blood-stained shirt.

---

His brother sat behind the desk in his study, scanning over some official-looking documents, occasionally scribbling out a signature. He wasn’t the kid Leona remembered anymore. He was a real adult, a married man, a father, a king.

Falena fit perfectly into the role of an Important man with an Important job doing Important tasks. Years ago, Leona would’ve killed to be in his position. He almost had.

But he knew now that he had never really wanted that. He just wanted to be important to someone. He wanted the things he did to matter, even after he was gone.

Every living creature dies. Even the fae, after centuries of watching the world change around them. It would happen to everyone he loved. And he was afraid of that. He was afraid of disappearing, and never being able to see them again. He didn’t like admitting it. It felt like weakness.

But if Yuu or Idia or any of those other jackasses who had somehow become his friends died, they had already carved a scar into his heart that he would be proud to bear. Leona knew that he’d left one in theirs, too.

This whole world would disappear eventually, through war, climate change, and the heat death of the universe.

But maybe, just maybe, all the pain was worth it. Maybe it was okay for him to be alive, if it meant being here with them.

“Hey, Falena. I got somethin’ to tell ya.”

Falena looked up. He put his pen down.

“Leona. Did you have a good time with Rabiah? She’s a great girl, isn’t she?”

His brother’s curious smile made him sick. He really thought that Leona would have good things to say? That he’d, what, fall madly in love with this stranger and finally give in?

“Yeah, it was great. She’s cool. She told me that her dad’s an asshole and she doesn’t want to do this.” Leona crossed his arms and leaned against the archway. “And I agree with her. Go fuck yourself.”

He almost smiled at the way Falena’s face fell. Any minute now he would get angry and start puffing himself up to argue, like they had all the time when Leona was a teenager.

But then… he didn’t. He just stared into Leona’s eyes with nothing but genuine confusion and heartbreak in his expression. The longer Leona looked at it, the more uneasy he felt.

“Why do you keep doing this, Leona?” Falena asked. “I don’t understand.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Leona snapped. “You’re the one who started it! Why would you ever think I’d want to marry some girl I barely know?!”

Falena stood, his chair squeaking harshly against the stone floor.

“Because you hate it here. It’s obvious.” His brother’s voice wavered, just a little. “But you never do anything about it. All you do is lie around and wait for things to happen to you, and the moment I try to give you an opportunity to change that, you reject it without even hearing me out.”

Falena stared at him. Gradually, his face softened, like he had just realized what a terrible mistake he’d made.

“I don’t want to get rid of you, Leona.” Falena said. His voice was gentle. Leona had only heard him talk like that when Cheka was afraid of something and needed comforting.

And once, a long time ago, when he fell out of an acacia tree.

“I really thought she’d be good for you.” Falena admitted. “I spoke with a lot of families about you. When I first met with Rabiah, I knew she’d be perfect. She reminded me so much of you. She’s funny. Smart. Independent. Like you.”

“Stop it.” Leona growled.

“And getting to know her better only made me more certain.”

“Shut up.”

“I thought she would make you happy.”

“You never thought to ask me what would make me happy?” Leona hissed. He didn’t like this. It was easier when he’d imagined this confrontation in his head. A fight between pure good and pure evil, like some play where the moral would be spoonfed to the audience.

But this wasn’t a play, it was his life. And he knew his brother well enough to know that he wouldn’t have done all this if he didn’t genuinely believe it was the best way to help.

“Do you know what would make you happy, Leona? Because I don’t think you do.”

Leona opened his mouth to answer, but he choked on empty air, unable to come up with any words.

“Yeah. I thought so.” Falena sighed. He looked… tired. More tired than Leona had ever seen him, even after years of watching him rule an entire country. He turned away from Leona to look out the window, ready to just end this conversation.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have just assumed that I knew what was best for you. But I wish… I wish you wouldn’t give up so easily.”

“…I’m not giving up. I’ve never given up.” Leona mumbled. He didn’t have the energy to be mad about this anymore. “If I had given up, I’d be dead by now.”

Falena’s head snapped in his direction.

“Leona, what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I do know what’ll make me happy.” He didn’t want to answer the question that Falena was really asking. He turned his face away from his brother, trying to hide the tears that were beginning to blur his vision.

“I want to write. I want to go to Yuu’s wedding next year. And I want Idia to believe me when I tell him he’s beautiful.”

He heard Falena’s footsteps as he crossed the room.

Leona wasn’t small enough to be carried anymore, but when Falena hugged him, he still clung to his older brother’s shirt and sobbed into his shoulder.

---

“Y’know, if you’d just told me that you had someone you were interested in, I would’ve called it off right away.” Falena said.

He’d been contemplating the chessboard between them for a good minute, despite the fact he was only about two moves away from losing. They’d already spent hours talking and crying and apologizing to each other, and now they were both tired and wanted to just wind down with something less emotionally taxing. Cheka had watched for a little while, but he’d gotten bored and run off to play with Imani until bedtime.

“How do you know there’s someone I’m interested in?” Leona asked.

“You said something about telling someone they’re pretty.”

“Beautiful. I said beautiful.”

“Right, that. Wow, you’ve really got it bad if you’re busting out the ‘b’ word.”

“Stop stalling and make a move, Falena.”

“Oh, fuck it.” Falena moved a piece at random, Leona saw his chance and took it.

“Checkmate.”

His older brother threw his hands up in exasperation. “I don’t know why I even try. You’re always going to beat me, anyway.”

“Because you’re my brother and you love me?” Leona guessed, smirking sardonically.

“Yeah, right. I know you like playing against people who are actually good at it.”

Leona recalled the many matches he’d had against Idia. He used to win every single one, but the other boy had improved so rapidly that by the end of 3rd year it was basically a 50/50 coin toss.

“Maybe. But I think part of it is just… hanging out with someone you care about.” Leona mused. He picked up the pieces and started rearranging them for a new game.

“Now you’re just trying to distract me so I won’t ask any more about this Idia guy.”

“Sure am.” Leona replied, ducking under the table to retrieve a captured bishop that had rolled off at some point.

“He’s the guy you gave that birthday present to, right? One of the ones you built your portal with.”

“He is.” Leona answered. He was a little surprised that Falena actually remembered those things. “Now stop asking me about it.”

“Come on, at least tell me what he looks like!”

Sighing, Leona pulled up one of the graduation photos of Idia that Ortho had sent. He held his phone out for Falena to see, but didn’t let him touch it. He didn’t want anyone scrolling through and finding the crossplay pictures again. “Here. Happy now?”

Falena leaned in over the table to get a closer look. “Is he cursed or something?” He asked, rudely. Leona rolled his eyes.

“Yes, he is. He’s dealt with some stuff. If you ever meet him, don’t you dare say anything about it.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Yeesh.” Falena frowned. “’If’ I meet him, huh? So you’re gonna bring him to visit sometime?”

“…Maybe.” Leona slowly put the phone away. “I’m actually not sure if he ever wants to talk to me again.”

“Oh, crap, what’d you do?”

“…It’s a long story.” Leona murmured. He dug his claws into the polished surface of the wooden table, just to have something to focus on besides his turbulent emotions. “Yuu’s been letting me know how he’s doing. He’s still pissed at me.”

Falena gave him a soft, brotherly smile. “Well, I hope you can make up with him. I really would like to meet him. We all would.”

“...Yeah.” Leona said, leaning back in his chair. “I hope so, too.”

---

Leona knew that Idia could hold a hell of a grudge when he got really mad. One time, Yuu had tripped and broken a figurine of his and he’d sulked about it for two weeks.

It was way too early to try and force a reconciliation, and Leona didn’t think he’d get one. But Idia deserved some reassurance that he was fine, and that he wanted to work this out. So in the end, after agonizing over it until late into the night, he sent a text.

---

Leona: hey you dont have to answer this

i just want you to know that im sorry

and i want to talk to you about it

so call me whenever youre ready

even if it’s months from now, i can wait

---

The “read” notification popped up next to it a moment later, but Idia didn’t send a reply. Well, that was about what he expected.

Leona let his body sink into the sheets, exhausted. What a fucking day. Rabiah’s family were leaving in the morning, her parents disappointed at the broken engagement, but Rabiah herself was positively ecstatic. She’d given him a knowing wink when she said goodnight, though, so he was pretty sure she was still going to run away.

And now he was here, back home, in this room he had hated so much, with his family he so resented. But somehow, it felt… different. He didn’t feel like screaming and clawing himself open anymore.

What had changed, exactly? Maybe… It was because he’d finally been honest. He’d finally admitted that he needed help. And someone had finally listened.

Leona still wasn’t going to get what he wanted, of course. He’d never have the power to influence this country, to try and make it a better place. But maybe… Idia’s suggestion would work. Maybe he could write.

He was already outlining some fucking scathing think-pieces about the royal family in his head.

Smiling to himself about the idea, he almost drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

Then Leona’s phone vibrated in his hand and his heart jumped into his throat.

No fucking way- But when he looked, it was. The caller ID read “radish sprout”.

He accepted the call in a heartbeat, despite how his hands were shaking.

“Oh thank fuck you called me.” He said, stupidly.

Idia laughed, then it sounded like he was muffling it behind his hand.

“Damn it. Don’t make me laugh, I’m still mad at you.” He said after a minute of barely audible chuckling.

Leona felt a smile stretch across his face. It was good to hear Idia in a good mood again. “If I make you laugh hard enough, will you stop being mad at me?”

“No, that’s not how it works. I’m afraid laughter isn’t the cure for this status effect.” It sounded like he was smiling too, though.

Neither of them spoke for a while. Leona tried to put together something in his head. Should he start with the apology? Did Idia even want to hear it? Should he explain what had happened to him since coming back to the palace?

He couldn’t come up with anything, but Idia, mercifully, spoke up first.

“I wish you’d told me.”

He wasn’t talking about the engagement. Leona’s eyes stung.

“You’re right. I should’ve.” He said. “I’m… I’m really scared, Idia.”

“I know.” Idia’s voice was so soothing, even over the phone. “It’s okay.”

“I’m scared of dying, and I’m scared of living.” Leona rolled over on his bed, but he kept a firm hold on his phone like a lifeline. “I’m scared of being alone. And I’m scared I’ll never be happy. I don’t have anywhere to go. All I can do is lie here and wait for something to happen, because nothing I do will change anything.”

“That’s not true, Leona. You’ve changed lots of stuff, just by being you.” Idia said. “You changed me. You changed Yuu, and Ruggie, and all the guys back at school who looked up to you. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are.”

Idia went silent for just a moment before continuing, “But even the most OP heroes need a party to support them. And... I’d like to be a member of that party.”

“Heh.” Leona chuckled. It felt like a tiny breath of warm air, settling in his chest and spreading out into the rest of his tired body. “Cute.”

“Come on, I’m trying to be sincere here…” Idia grumbled.

“I know. Thank you.” Leona said, his voice light. Feeling so open and vulnerable, he didn’t want to hold back anymore.

“I… I really want to see you.”

Leona heard Idia’s breath catch in his throat, and for a moment, he panicked. Had that been too much?

But then Idia sighed wistfully into the phone, and his stopped heart started beating again. “I want to see you, too. But I think I still need a little time.”

“Yeah. That’s fair.”

“I’m serious, I’m still pretty pissed.” Idia huffed, but he was definitely puffing it up a bit.

“Yeah, you should be, but I think I’m allowed to be a little mad, too. You still shouldn’t have answered my phone.” Leona chuckled.

“That is… a good point. But that isn’t the only thing, I have a lot of moving stuff I need to do…”

“I get it.” Leona said, with a smile that he hoped came through in his voice. He was a little disappointed, but he could deal. As long as the promise of a future was still there. “I should probably take care of some things, too.”

“Right. So I guess… I’ll call you?” Idia asked.

“Any time.” Leona answered. “I’m… I’ll be here. I’m not gonna run away again.”

“I know. I believe you.”

---

this motherfucker: You.

Leona: ah there it is

i was wonderin when youd show up

this motherfucker: Why was my fiancé crying over you today, Kingscholar.

Explain yourself.

Keep in mind that I have near total control over this vast sky of ours.

It would be a simple matter to find your location and wipe it off the face of the planet.

Leona: bet

this motherfucker: I’m not interested in playing a gambling game with you.

You would probably cheat, anyway.

I want answers.

Leona: i already apologized to yuu

u dont need to be their white knight all the damn time

or scaly black dragon knight I guess

i didn’t know they cried tho

my bad

this motherfucker: “My bad” hardly counts as an apology.

I want to make it very clear that if you disappear and worry them again, well.

There will be consequences.

Leona: oooooh scaaaaary

i know u wont do anything to me lmao

yuu and idia both told me u think im funny

this motherfucker: Yes, and it’s going to be very funny when I tear you to pieces and display your body parts on stakes in the town square.

Leona: now ur just overdoing it

smh

this motherfucker: You’re lucky my future spouse is so fond of you.

Leona: u r too u just dont want to admit it

but the jig’s up dumbass hahahahahhah

this motherfucker: I can see right through you, Kingscholar!

The truth is, YOU are the one who is fond of ME!

Just try to deny it, you can’t!

Leona: yes i can its easy:

im not fond of u

this motherfucker: A transparent lie, just like everything you say.

Admit it, Kingscholar.

We are very good friends.

The best, actually.

Like brothers.

Leona: i already have one overbearing brother who’s too horny for his spouse i don’t need another one

this motherfucker: ? But I have horns all the time.

Not just when I’m with Yuu.

Leona: …dont tell me u dont know what horny means

u cant be that naïve

has yuu never told u

this motherfucker: Of course I know what it means.

It’s a synonym for ligma.

Leona: wh

what

this motherfucker: Ligma balls.

}:)

That is a smiley face that Yuu made up for me, the “}” represents my horns.

Leona: u know what

this little bit of banter just cemented in my diseased brain how much i cant stand u.

so ye i genuinely hate ur ass now

i hope u choke

i wont even feel bad when yuu is sad about it they deserve better anyway

this motherfucker: They are sitting next to me right now and telling me what to type at you.

I don’t know why that angered you so much, but your reaction was very entertaining.

Are ligma balls some kind of food or something? Like a meatball?

wait

------------------------------

Chapter 12 - Believe

Leona waited, just like he promised. In the end, it had taken about a month before Idia texted him his new address. No other details, just a jumble of letters and numbers that represented everything he’d been missing. As excited as Leona was to see Idia face-to-face again, a different part of him was fucking terrified.

He typed back a date and time, and Idia sent him a thumbs up emoji. Very helpful.

Leona was pretty sure Idia wasn’t mad anymore, and that he was just being curt because he was equally nervous. But he couldn’t read his mind, so there was no way to be 100% certain. Maybe this was anxiety? He should probably ask his therapist about it next time.

But he didn’t have time to stew in it, now that he was on Idia’s doorstep, staring at the bell by the door like it was an enormous spider. A woman passed by him in the hall and did a double-take, apparently recognized him, and then rushed into her own apartment. She returned a moment later to peek out the door at him along with her roommate.

Ugh. His annoyance at their rude behavior briefly overwhelmed his fear and he slapped the bell before he could lose his nerve.

The space in between that chiming sound and the door opening had to be the longest 10 seconds of his life.

Leona clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath as he heard it creak, then snapped them open.

And there was Idia, staring at him. Maybe it was just because they’d been apart for a while, but Leona’s heart immediately sped up at the sight of him. He must have just come home from work, his clothes were a little more “business casual” than his usual attire.

Leona was somewhat relieved that he looked just as freaked out as he felt.

“…Idia. Hey.” He said.

Idia regarded him coolly, arms crossed, his face unusually passive and emotionless. “Leona.”

Leona hadn’t felt this awkward since he was a teenager. He searched desperately for any hint of emotion in Idia’s face. But he couldn’t find it.

As Leona opened his mouth to say something, he heard an indignant “mew!”. Idia’s face twitched like he was trying to hold back a laugh.

“That wasn’t me.” Leona protested.

“I know, it was her.” Idia gestured at his feet, Leona looked down. A little tortoiseshell kitten was trying to make a break for it, barely held back by Idia’s extended leg.

“Maybe I should come inside?”

Idia looked at him for a moment, thinking hard. Making up his mind, he bent down to pick up the kitten and gestured for Leona to follow him in.

It was a pretty standard Sunset Savanna apartment. Stone floors to keep the place cool in summer, but the building itself was more modern and had everything a bachelor just starting out in his career could need. He’d left all the windows closed, for some reason, though.

It looked like Idia still had a lot left to do, but he’d at least bought a table and a couch. And a scratching post for the cat, of course. He was probably waiting for a few paychecks to come in before getting into furnishings. At least, Leona hoped that he was waiting for that, and wasn’t just planning to eat at his couch every day.

Idia must have read his mind, because he said, “Sorry it’s so empty. I’m getting some more furniture next month.”

“So you got a cat?”

Idia’s impassive mask finally broke. He held up the squirming animal, ecstatic.

“Her name’s Purrsephone. Ain’t she a cutie?”

“That’s spelled ‘p-u-r-r’-sephone, isn’t it.” Leona asked. He was unsurprised when Idia pouted at him before eventually nodding.

Purrsephone kept up her wiggling until Idia put her down, then she bolted off to claw at the scratching post with a ferocity that Leona couldn’t help but admire.

“I call her Purrsie for short.” Idia smiled fondly at her. “I’ve always wanted a cat, y’know. I couldn’t have one at the dorms or on the Island.”

“She seems kinda high-energy, doesn’t she?”

“Oh yeah, she’s nuts.” Idia passed him to walk into the kitchen, divided from his living room with just a low wall. “But once she gets tired out, she’s a huge snugglebug. It’s adorable.”

He opened the fridge, then frowned into it. “…Well, I was gonna offer you a drink, but all I have is Mountain Dew and tap water.” He said. Leona tried not to laugh.

“I’m good. How are you liking it here so far?” He asked, instead.

“It’s fucking hot.” Idia answered as he pulled a can of Mountain Dew out for himself. “I’m dying, Leona. I had to buy 3 rotating fans after the first night. I’m gonna have to come up with an insane cooling setup when I get a new PC.”

Leona chuckled and walked across the empty living room to one of his windows, pulling the glass up. There were wooden shutters with large gaps on the other side, but he left those alone so Purrsie wouldn’t notice and try to jump out. “You’ve got to keep the windows open. Buildings here are built to circulate air, you only close ‘em when it’s cold out.”

“Are you serious? So I bought those fans for nothing.”

“Nah, it still gets hot as balls. They’ll be handy in the dead of summer. What you should be more worried about is how your skin is gonna handle all this sun. Unless you wanna wear that hat every single day.”

“I already know.” Idia sighed. He rolled up his sleeve and stuck his arm out for Leona to see. The same one he’d offered that night under the stars. His skin was starting to freckle. “I’m gonna be covered in these for the rest of my life, I guess.”

“Cute.” Leona smiled, gently holding his arm up. He rubbed his thumb over the new spots of color on Idia’s wrist. It was so nice to touch him again.

Idia was studying him carefully, that impassive mask slipping onto his face again. As great as it was to be in the same room again, both of their minds were still racing, searching desperately for what to say.

Finally, Leona decided it was time to break the silence.

“…I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For wanting to kill myself.”

Idia’s face fell and he sighed, exhausted. “I don’t want you to apologize for that, Leona. I just wish you’d told me.”

“Oh.” Leona was truly at a loss. It was really starting to hit him, now, how much things had changed between them. “I get it. I’m sorry for hiding it from you. And the engagement thing, too.”

“…I’m sorry, too.” Idia mumbled. “There were probably a thousand better routes I could’ve taken to handle that.”

“Maybe.” Leona said, shrugging.

“Then… Did you figure out what you wanted?” Idia asked, staring down at the stone floor sheepishly. So he was still worried, despite what they’d talked about.

“No. I have no fucking idea.” Leona answered. “I’m still scared out of my mind.”

Idia nodded reassuringly. “That’s fine. At least you’re telling the truth.”

Leona swallowed. His throat felt impossibly dry. “It’s… a little easier. I’ve been working on it. I’ve been seeing someone. And it’s helped, a little bit.”

“That’s good.”

“But it’s still fucking hard.”

“Yeah. I know.” Idia reached out to take his other hand. His warm fingers closed around Leona’s, and he broke.

Leona let out a sob that wracked his whole body and then the tears just wouldn’t stop. Idia lead him to the couch and sat down with him there, just listening as he cried.

After a few minutes, Idia carefully wrapped his arms around Leona’s shoulders and pulled him close, gently stroking his head the way he had that night in the hotel. His strength nearly gone, Leona slumped into the embrace, clinging to him for dear life.

“I wish I could fix it for you.” Idia whispered. “But I can’t. Only you can do that.”

“I know.” Leona sobbed.

“I want you to keep trying. I don’t want you to die.” Idia’s voice was thick with tears. Leona nodded into his shoulder.

“I don’t want to, either.” He said. And he meant it. As he let the tears flow, his breathing grew a little stronger, his heartbeat a little steadier. Bit by bit, just a little at a time, but he could still feel it.

“It’s gonna get easier.” Idia pulled back just enough that Leona could see his face, smiling gently despite the tears streaming down his face. “Soon it’ll be like going back to the starting area when you’re max level and beating all the mobs with a single hit.”

“Fuck, you’re so cute.” Leona felt himself starting to smile as well. Idia seemed surprised by that reaction, but instead of denying it like usual, he just grinned even wider.

“Thanks. You’re cute, too.”

“No, I’m-”

“Don’t say that you’re not.” Idia bumped their foreheads together, just rough enough to shake him up a bit. “I’m gonna believe you when you say nice things to me from now on, so you better believe me, too.”

“…Okay, fine.” Leona huffed. “I’m cute.”

“Good.”

“And you’re beautiful.”

“So are you. You’re beeeaaautiful.” Idia crooned, grinning wildly. “And handsome. And smart. And funny. S-tier at everything. SSR levels of amazing. Best boy and best girl.”

“Okay, I get your point. Cut that shit out.” Leona protested. The tears had nearly stopped, but now he could feel his face heating up. “I don’t even know what half of that is.”

He still knew what it meant. That Idia still loved him. Idia still adored him. And that was something he could always come back to, every time things got hard.

“I’m just giving you a taste of your own medicine!” Idia cackled. “I figure if all the cute shit you said to me at school was good for me, hearing the same stuff will be good for you.”

“Maybe.” Leona sighed.

His eyes started to flutter shut. God, he was so tired, and Idia’s hand felt so nice scratching his ears and stroking his hair.

“Stop it.” He said, gently smacking Idia’s hand aside. “I’m gonna fall asleep if you keep doing that, and I don’t want to, yet. I still haven’t kissed you.”

“Then just do it already, scaredy-cat.” Idia smirked, challenging him.

Leona closed the distance, locking his lips with Idia’s like he was dying of thirst, and he had just found an oasis.

Idia eagerly returned the kiss, clinging to his neck and moaning against his lips. He let Leona invade his mouth, twisting their tongues together, all heat and wetness and a slight hint of dangerously sharp teeth. He’d gotten better at this since that night in the lab. Leona wryly thought that he should thank Will for that if they ever met.

He felt a tug and suddenly he was on top of Idia on the couch. Leona took advantage of the new position to kiss him even deeper and harder, until they were both breathless and panting and tangled together.

“…Fuck.” Idia gasped, when Leona finally pulled away. He was a blushing mess, his hair all tousled and flickering with pink. Leona could feel his heart pounding a mile a minute. Or maybe it was his own. Probably both.

“You’re so pretty.” He purred, brushing some of Idia’s hair out of his sweaty face.

“Uuuuuuugh don’t just say that right after kissing me that hard.” Idia whined, covering his face with his hands. “Friggin’ otome game love interest…”

“I still don’t know what that means, but I’ll take it as a compliment.” Leona chuckled. He opted to kiss Idia’s knuckles instead of trying to force his hands off his face.

“Mreee!” Purrsie, fed up with whatever weird two-legger thing they were doing, leapt onto Leona’s back and then immediately made herself comfortable, curling up into a fuzzy little ball.

They both craned their necks to stare at her in disbelief.

“I guess I’m not allowed to move now.” Leona said.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll get her food, that’ll get her attention.” Idia chuckled. He carefully slid himself out from under Leona and made for the kitchen. “I was about to make something for myself, too. You wanna stay for dinner?”

“Absolutely.” Leona answered.

He watched Idia carefully, studying every little movement he made, his heart on the verge of bursting with love.

---

“So what happened with your fiancée?” Idia asked, watching Leona wolf down his second helping of spaghetti. It was pretty good, Idia had added extra meat to the sauce just for him. Purrsie was still loudly munching her wet food in the kitchen.

“Not my fiancée anymore. She’s running away with her girlfriend to the Shaftlands.”

Idia’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you… sure you should be telling me that?”

“She said I could, in case you didn’t believe me. She’s pretty cool, actually, I’ll introduce you to her once things calm down.”

“Huh.” Idia stared into his own empty bowl, confused. “And your brother?”

“He’s… better.” Leona replied. Complicated feelings still swirled in his gut when he thought of Falena, but things were… different, now.

“…Are you sure this isn’t like my thing with my parents?” Idia asked, voice low and apologetic. Like he had bad news that he didn’t want to be the one to break. “Where he’s using the good memories to manipulate you.”

Leona shook his head. “No. He’s really trying, I can tell.” Falena had apologized to him so many times, and he was the first to ask about how he was feeling every day. He’d even dug up the welfare reform plans Leona had made and started pushing them for serious consideration.

Most importantly, he’d gone out of his way to make Leona feel… safe. Like he belonged, like he mattered. He didn’t dread going back to the palace like he used to, and that… meant a lot.

“Still not gonna stop me from writing some fucking brutal political columns about him, though.” Leona said.

“Oh, yeah! You’ve been writing?” Idia seemed so excited by that, wiggling closer on the couch. He probably wanted to hear all about it, like how Leona wanted to hear him talk about his nerd stuff.

“Just a few little things, right now. Yuu wanted me to write a speech for the wedding, so I’ve been workshopping that. My therapist suggested I start keeping a journal. And… I wrote a script.” Leona paused. “For a game.”

Idia’s face lit up. “The wedding game?”

“Yes, the wedding game.” Leona chuckled. “I didn’t know if you’d still want to use it, though.”

“Of course I do!” Idia bolted up, running to his bedroom to grab his laptop.

“I don’t have it with me.” Leona called down the hall. “I can’t show it to you right now.”

“Then bring it next time.” Idia walked back into the living room, tossing his empty spaghetti bowl carelessly on the kitchen counter. He came back to the couch and sat down, leaning against Leona’s side. “I want to read it.”

Next time. That’s right, this apartment really wasn’t that far. He could come see Idia any time. Idia could come see him. He could introduce him to Cheka. Ortho might fly in sometimes, and when Yuu came to visit, they could all hang out together. Just like they used to.

“Next time.” Leona began, bumping his forehead against Idia’s, “I want to stay over, in the same bed, and wake up next to you.”

Idia’s hair exploded into pink, but instead of hiding his face, he clung harder to Leona’s arm.

“You don’t have to wait until next time.”

---

murderkitten: leonaaaaaaa!!!

we made it!!!!!!

thanks for the advice! We didn’t have to go through a single border check!!!

Leona: thank my bf and his brother

they trawled the net for hours looking for the best routes

murderkitten: ok! tell them me and danika said thanks!

so I guess you guys are doing good?

Leona: ye

im def not letting him go this time

Falena’s gonna have to deal

if he tries to pull this shit again with my nephew tho ill have to come up with some regicide plans

murderkitten: well I hope he learned his lesson.

my dad certainly has :3

he’s been messaging me nonstop trying to get me to come home

I told him I MIGHT let him visit if he promises to never try to marry off my sisters

Everyone wins yaaaaaaaay

Leona: good for u

let me know ur address when ur settled

ill send u a housewarming gift

murderkitten: sure thing!

------------------------------

Chapter 12 - Moon

One Year Later

Leona tapped the microphone. From where he was standing, he could see a whole hall’s worth of people, from all different walks of life. Yuu and Malleus had way too many damn friends. And this was just the small, private ceremony, not the big official royal one that was held last week.

“Alright you weird little freaks, listen up.” He began, “Most of you know me, and for the ones who don’t and are probably horrified by my rude bullshit: I’m Leona Kingscholar, I’m one of Yuu’s best friends and one of Malleus’s worst enemies.”

Yuu was already giggling. He turned towards them, giving a mock bow. “They promised me I was allowed to have the honor of roasting the hell out of them today.”

“So I figured I’d start with this: this wedding so far has been fucking ridiculous, you both look like goth clowns running a horror circus and I wouldn’t be surprised if you spend your whole honeymoon fucking each other in gargoyle-themed onesies.” He smirked when Yuu burst into a fit of laughter, along with most of their mutual friends. Even Malleus was chuckling a little. The other guests, some of whom must have been important fae nobility, just looked like they were watching a car crash. (Or carriage crash, whatever the Briar Valley equivalent was.)

Leona waited for the laughter to die down before continuing. “Yuu never could stay out of anyone’s business, back when we were in school. Nobody could have an anxiety attack or a mental breakdown in peace without them forcing you onto a chaise lounge and giving you an impromptu therapy session.”

He paused, taking a moment to look beside him. Idia was there, listening with rapt attention, a beaming, sharp smile on his face. Leona smiled back.

“And y’know what? They saved a lotta people by doing that.” He continued. “Including me.”

Turning to face Yuu again, he sent a reassuring smile their way as they began to tear up. “So as fun as it is to dunk on you, Yuu… I’m glad you’re my friend. And I’m glad you’ve made a real family here, with a guy who obviously adores you. Congratulations.”

Leona lifted his glass of champagne, then passed the mic back to the MC as the guests erupted into applause. Yuu burst into tears, but they were smiling the whole time.

---

“Idiaaa! Leonaaaaa!!!” Yuu bawled into Leona’s sleeve, not even trying to hold back their snot and tears, despite their delicate lacy black outfit. “Why’d you have to make us such a nice present, you assholes?! And-And the speech! I told you to make it funny, you jerk, but then you had to be all cute and sentimental and sweet!”

“So I’m guessing you liked it.” Leona smirked. Yuu just cried harder and pulled them both into a crushing hug.

“I hate yooouuu!!!” They sobbed, with nothing but affection in their voice.

Malleus still glared at him from off to the side. “You’d better be glad this is happy crying, Kingscholar.”

“Hey, I wasn’t the only one who worked on that stuff! Why are you getting mad at me?”

“Don’t you dare try to throw Shroud under the bus.” Malleus’s eyes narrowed at him. “He ‘carried’ us through a very difficult battle the other day. I have nothing but respect for him.”

“It was just Orbonne, Malleus.” Having gotten that out of their system, Yuu released their guests and dabbed at their puffy eyes with an ornate handkerchief that matched their dress. “It’s easy once you know the fight mechanics.”

Malleus pouted. “I still don’t understand why the man with the rifle keeps killing me.”

“I’ll walk you through it next time, Malleus. And verraising you over and over doesn’t count as carrying.” Idia laughed, as light as the bubbles in his champagne. His face was already starting to flush. He didn’t seem to be totally drunk yet, but he leaned heavily against Leona anyway.

“Gonna have to wait a while for that, Idia. I plan on taking full advantage of his time off for our honeymoon.” Yuu let out what could only be described as a cackle, clinging to Malleus’s arm as he turned bright red out to the tips of his ears. Certainly a bizarre expression to see on the face of Briar Valley’s crown prince.

Leona made a gagging gesture, Yuu kicked out at him with one of their black high heels, which he easily dodged.

The ornate ballroom buzzed with activity, the floor completely crowded with celebrating guests. Dark greenery bursting with thorns and glowing flowers claimed much of the space, creating natural streamer-like perches for some of the shier fae to watch the festivities from above. They really hadn’t needed to do much decorating besides that, other than bringing in tables and chairs and a few flower displays that weren’t already naturally growing here.

The setting sun outside cast rays of warm light through the large windows, bathing the room in a nostalgic glow. Servants had already started lighting magic-fed lanterns, ensuring the party could continue late into the night. A live band was playing spooky classical music to fit the creepy mood. Apparently the Pop Music club from their old school were planning on playing a couple songs at Yuu’s request, Leona couldn’t wait to see the mayhem that would cause.

“I really meant it when I said congrats, Yuu.” Leona said, raising his glass. “Here’s to many years of freaky BDSM sex, or whatever it is you guys do.”

Yuu stuck their tongue out at him. “Like you’re one to talk. I saw your crossplay pics, buddy.”

“You can believe that was for sexy purposes if you want.” Leona shrugged. “I’m secure enough in my masculinity.”

“Can we please stop talking about this.” Malleus groaned, lowering his flushed face into his free hand.

“Aww, sorry, sweetie. Didn’t mean to embarrass you.” Yuu stood on their tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “We should probably go make the rounds, anyway. I haven’t even gotten a chance to talk to my two little braincell boys yet.”

“Don’t let us keep you. It’s your night!” Idia laughed and waved at them as they walked away, drawing way more attention than he meant to.

Once they were out of sight, Leona reached down to take Idia’s hand. Smiling serenely out at the crowd, he caught occasional glimpses of old friends; half-drunk Epel waltzing with Jamil, Ortho zipping around and taking aerial photos of the festivities, Jack scarfing down cake while Vil took a picture of him with cream on his face, Ruggie sticking his hands in random guests’ pockets-okay he’d probably have to deal with that later. He was willing to overlook it right now, though. Didn’t want to kill the mood.

“You look like a parent watching their kid go off to their first day of school. Or beating the final boss for the first time.” Idia giggled.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, I’m a tsundere or whatever.” Leona shook his head. “Can you blame me? After all the shit we put them through, I’m just glad they’re happy.”

“It’s crazy to think about how far we’ve all come since then.” Idia murmured, tilting his head back to stare up at the glittering flowers overhead. “If I’d never met you guys, I’d still be stuck in the starting zone-er, the Island.”

“I don’t even wanna think about where I would be.” Leona said, frowning. Idia glanced up at him before pressing even closer against him, wrapping his other arm around Leona’s.

“We don’t have to. No point in thinking about even worse timelines when we’re in a nice one like this.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Leona chuckled.

It was a nice timeline. One where he felt safe at home, and had control over his life, and a boyfriend who loved him. It really had been getting easier, every day. As bad as it got sometimes, he didn’t feel nearly as scared anymore.

He knew now just how many people were willing to listen when he needed to be heard.

Idia perked up when he spotted Lilia stepping on the stage, still in the fancy attire he’d worn to walk Yuu down the aisle. He was followed closely by Kalim and Cater. “Oh! I think they’re gonna play soon!”

He tugged on Leona’s arm, dragging him towards the dance floor. “Come on, let’s dance!” He said, grinning wildly.

“Who are you and what have you done with Idia?” Leona asked, but he let his boyfriend lead him into the center of the crowd anyway.

“I got him drunk and now he feels like being a normie for the night. He wants to dance with his boyfriend at his best friend’s wedding.”

“If I dance with him, will I get him back?” Leona chuckled, turning Idia so that they were properly facing each other. He laced their fingers together, and Idia leaned against his chest, still giggling giddily.

“Heheh. Maybe tomorrow, when he’s sober.”

An ear-splitting screech rang out across the ballroom, making them both jump and everyone around them shriek in surprise. Confused, they looked up at the stage to see Lilia absolutely thrashing, screaming into the mic, dripping with sweat. Cater and Kalim were both blurs of energy, adding to the cacophony. Yuu had taken a seat up on Malleus’s shoulder to cheer them on, pumping their fists into the air.

“I don’t think I’m drunk anymore.” Idia said. Leona could barely hear him above the screaming.

---

“Uuuuugh. That was exhausting.” Idia groaned as they trudged into their room. He fell face-forward into a monstrously fancy canopy bed that fit perfectly in this creepyass castle. At least it was comfy, too.

“I thought you wanted to be a normie for the night.” Leona sat beside him, stroking his hair affectionately.

“Sometimes drunk Idia is dumb and doesn’t know what he wants.” Idia grumbled into the covers. “Sometimes he just needs a nap.”

“Sounds good to me.” Leona said, falling into bed next to him.

Idia turned his head to look him in the eyes, blinking sleepily.

“What?” Leona asked, when he didn’t say anything after a few seconds of staring.

“I love you.” Idia murmured.

“…I love you, too.” Leona replied. He leaned in to kiss him, softly, with all the affection in his heart.

“Ears.” Idia lifted his hand lazily, groping the air until Leona headbumped against his fingers with a chuckle. Idia smiled warmly at him and started scratching behind his ears, just the way he liked.

“You think Yuu and Malleus would get mad at us if we fucked in this bed?” Leona purred, curling his whole body around Idia’s. These fancy formal clothes were starting to get annoying.

“They knew what they were getting into when they put us in the same room.”

A few hours later, Leona found himself lounging on the outdoor couch on their room’s balcony, between Idia’s legs. He was carefully unwinding Leona’s braids for the night, combing his hair out with his fingers.

The full moon was still high and unusually bright in the sky. Yuu and Malleus were probably thrilled about it, it added to the spooky atmosphere. Leona guessed it was probably around 3 AM by now. He doubted they were the only people still awake.

“What kinda wedding do you wanna have, radish sprout?”

“Star Rogue themed.” Idia answered without even thinking.

“Absolutely not. We can have a Star Rogue cake topper and maybe the DJ can play some of the music. Take it or leave it.”

“Killjoy.” Idia said, but he was still smiling. “Why do you ask? Already thinking of proposing?”

“Not right now. Just, y’know, makin’ some plans.” Leona tilted his head back to look up into Idia’s eyes. This position reminded him of that night in the lab.

Idia bent over to kiss him on the forehead.

“Did you notice that you’ve been making plans more often?” He asked.

“Hm. I guess I have.” Leona hadn’t really thought about it.

“I’m glad.” Idia said. “Any other plans I should know about, though?”

“Hm… Finishing my manuscript. Seeing Cheka start middle school. Would be nice to visit Rabiah and Danika sometime. You?”

“I want to finish that couples cosplay and have Ortho take our photos.”

“Neeerd.” Leona laughed, affectionately.

Idia rolled his eyes. “Like you won’t end up having just as much fun as me.”

“How about way in the future. Like years and years, when we’re both old and boring.”

“Hm. Good question.” Idia mused. He put his chin in his hand, staring out into the peaceful Briar Valley night. “I guess… It’d be nice to own a house.”

“A house where we can keep your 100 cats.” Leona laughed.

“I only need two, thanks.” Idia replied, smirking at him.

“Hey. Are you counting me as a cat?”

“You’re the one who jumped to that…”

“Whatever happened to the cute, shy Idia who never would’ve said something so rude to me?” Leona pouted, reaching up to lightly pinch Idia’s cheek, just to get that dumb grin off his face.

“He got some therapy and fell in love with an SSR prince-type character.” Idia replied, shrugging.

“Hm. That’s nice. He seems a lot happier like this.”

Turning over on the couch, he wrapped his arms around Idia’s waist and snuggled close, his tail thumping contentedly against the furniture. Idia let out a little laugh of joy, reaching down to pet Leona’s head some more.

It just felt natural, now, to think about what was ahead. Before, he had never thought of “the future” as something he would ever experience. It had been some distant, ethereal thing, like the full moon hanging in the sky.

But it had always been there, well within his reach. He’d just needed someone to guide his hand.

Leona felt his eyes fluttering closed. But for once, he didn’t want to go to sleep. He wanted to spend every moment he could here, in Idia’s warm embrace, aware of every moment.

“I’m still gonna be here when you wake up.” Idia whispered, as if he’d read his mind.

“Good.” He mumbled against Idia’s stomach. “I like when you’re the first thing I see in the morning.”

------------------------------

And here are another couple character sketches from this one!

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst fanfic #leona kingscholar #idia shroud #twst leona #twst idia #idia #leona #leoide #tw suicide #tw depression #tw self-harm #kiss me in the dark

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bigwishes · 2 years ago

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Questions Answered

I have gotten quite a few questions in my ask inbox and DMs. a lot of them are a very similar vein and I haven’t answered them because been busy with the holidays. Now I have a bit of time I thought I’d smash some out (still feel free to DM me if these answers create more questions or you had one I didn’t answer)

Q1) Do you take roids/plan on taking roids? A1) No, and I don’t think I ever will. For a few reasons, 1 being I like the idea of being natty even if it means Ill never really reach my goal and 2 being my family already has some thinks like heart disseise that is genetic and I don’t really feel like dealing roids onto the table Q2) How long have you been working out/ Why didn’t you start earlier A2) consistently I have been working out for about a 8 months, although a lot of that has been learning what I am doing and studying form so I can push myself in 2023 without injury. As for why I didn’t start earlier I grew up in a remote community in the outback and we didn’t have a gym, I learnt what bodybuilding was about 18/19 and push ups only get you so far, but now I live closer to civilisation and am trying to get my grind on. Q3) what kind of guys do you like other than bodybuilders? would you date a twink? A3) I like other kinds of guys, a bloke doesn’t have to be a bodybuilder to catch my fancy but he does need to be into fitness and lifting and that’s more out of a shared interest thing. I want to date a guy who’ll work out with me and push me in the gym, go on hikes with me and other stuff and just in my experience twinks aren’t for me. Q4) do you have a picture of what you wanna look like? A4) yep,

again unknown how close I’ll ever get to my goal going full natty but my plan is to put on as much muscle as I can naturally gain.

Q5) do you want to compete A5) I have thought about it, it’d just be a minor thing, nothing too big but possibly? don’t really know yet. But I do know I definitely want a poser when I have some more mass, those things are fucking hot.

Q6) will we ever get pics? A6) probably not. Sorry for people who wants pics of my progress but no. I dunno there may be a chance in the future when I like my body a bit more but even then I’d need to be careful as I am studying for a government job.

Q7) do you have other fantasies or just muscle growth? A7) yeah, a few others. It kind of came out of no where a few weeks ago but race change, the idea of staying the same person but at the same time becoming an entirely different person is very hot to me. Also sweat and B.O

Q8) Do you actually want to be sweaty all the time? A8) in fantasy yes, but I know in reality that is not possible with work. However there is nothing stopping me from hitting the gym and enjoying the stink for a few hours after. Not to mention it takes about 20-30 minutes of scrubbing to even wash it out because I am hairy as and it gets stuck. [as a bonus answer same goes for burping, I know I wouldn’t be able to forever but there is something about it that makes me feel sexy when I’m belching after a work out]

Q9) can I fund your growth for pics? A9) I’ve had a fair few guys message me asking if I have a pateron or somewhere they can send me money to see my progress and fun my progress and whilst the gym is expensive no, but unlike the pics in general where I dunno if ill get to a point of liking myself to post pics I don’t think I’ll ever make a pateron to fund my progress. Q10) what is something you think you’ll do when you get bigger? A10) Flex and wear underwear haha, once I start getting bigger I definitely see myself flexing in the mirror in my underwear for at least an hour a day. Hopefully one day Ill have the perfect storm of being big, having a massive pump, sweating up a storm and belching out my protein bloat.

Hope all the people who have been waiting for their answers got their questions answered. If not or if you have more you can always send in an ask or DM me.

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puncivilian · 1 year ago

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Been feeling a lot of pain that's hard to describe to the people in my life, because of how it sounds to our amatonormative society. I'm still not sure where I fall exactly, whether I'm actually capable of feeling romantic feelings or not. I know I'd be happy in a close partnership with someone for the rest of my life, but I don't feel a desire for romance. My strong platonic and familial affection for the people in my life is discounted, it feels like.

My best friend got married this fall and a combination of misunderstandings, miscommunications, and insecurity meant his then-fiancee insisted I couldn't stand by him while they got married. And he just... Did it. Like hey, person I call a sister, everyone I know and love is gonna watch me pledge my life to someone and you're gonna be in the audience as a normal guest, like a casual friend. Like... I'm starting a new family, and you're not even part of the picture, literally.

And I dunno, this came after some hours of discussion and shed tears by everyone, my friend apologized for his part, I did for not being more social, but at the same time. I was fucking exhausted this year. I've been drained since early July and it's only after a full week and a half of time off after my contract term ended, aka a week and a half of uninterrupted time where I could eat, sleep, and rest freely, that I started feeling halfway human again. (Aka waking up after 9 hours of sleeping and feeling functional)

This year has been shit! I was clear about that. My mom was literally hospitalized for a week and had to change her entire diet afterwards. Then they lost their rental because the people who own it have a kid going to college, and that takes precedence over the family living there because that's how our fucked-up housing system is!

I just... Tired. Sad. Wounded in a way that has already started to scar. I don't want to lose my found brother, but part of me wonders if I've lost that choice entirely. He has texted memes and stuff to me since then, and I've responded, but... There's a big, unresolved well of hurt between us, but I'm blind to what's going on on his side.

It really hurt to have one of the people I care most about in the world blame me for not getting over my social anxiety if I cared about him. Like man, that's not how that works. If love of those I care about could fix me, or even allow me to 'get over' minor inconveniences, it would have a long time ago. Sorry: improvement is a long road I have to trod and I'm impeded by having to do other shit in life. I just spent months spending 8+ hours a day 5+ days a week in offices filled with people who think not having lunch outside is asocial. My sympathy towards your shitty living situation over the last year is not degraded by my suffering, why is yours of my own?

I just... Can't imagine doing the same in their place.

#me #speaks #vent

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cryingatships · 1 year ago

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saw ur recent BMF post abt the post credit scene and that moment takes place 2 years before the future-timeline kawi arrives at or at least that's what i think is happening. this is backed up by the fact it's the 8 year anniversary (as kawi only time travels 10 years back and forward, meaning this moment is in the in between years we don't see). i could be wrong though!

Oh, yes, that may be it! I honestly forgot that he was travelling back 10 years each time. Me and my memory issues :')

I think it's probably the last (or the second last, maybe) 'anniversary' during which Pisaeng is still in contact with Kawi cause we know that he cuts Kawi and the others off one year back. (Really hope I'm not messing up the years again. The clown hat is always firmly on lmao)

Gotta give it to Pisaeng though, he is a VERY patient guy. Imagine gifting 'anniversary' gifts to your unrequited crush each year for 8 years straight. While he's still in a committed reationship.

EDIT- I was gonna end this here and post it but then, I suddenly had a thought and went back to the ep to recheck some stuff

So, in part 3/4 of today ep ie ep 7, during the confrontation (?? can we call it that??) with Pear, Kawi says that he signed with a big company 2 years ago. That should be in the same year Pisaeng gives his 8 year 'anniversary' gift to Kawi.

But, during the gift giving, Pisaeng says that Kawi has a day for everyone and everything—a 'band anniversary' with Fluke. So, apparently, back in year 8, during the time of Pisaeng's gift-giving, Kawi's band is still doing ok.

Then, where does the company come in?

We know that the members went their separate paths after the band broke up.

But acc to available info, 2 years back the band was doing ok still together, so why would Kawi sign up in the company as a soloist? But Kawi DOES sign with the company in the same year.

Timeline clash? Cos the time's not matching up.

There could still be many possibilities tho. Suppose the entire band signed with the company TOGETHER, but then they broke up. Some members broke the contract and went their ways. Or some members are still together with the same company but are working secretly. Or, the band breaking up and Kawi signing with the company was all done within the span of a few weeks to months. Possibilities are slim but endless.

I dunno what actually happened now XD I just wrote a lot of stuff and honestly reading back, the whole thing feels fuzzy to me.

My brain feels like soup and time related sums always gave me nightmares back in hs :')

But, I do love discussing my beloved shows, so lots n lots of thanks for telling me!! Have a great day/night, and may your weekend be full of lots of rest and good bls! <333

#be my favorite #what exactly did I write #I vividly remember the gaipa's age confusion when mlc was airing #are timlines just... not gmmtv's stong suit?#are ppl at gmmtv just as bad at time sums as me?#I'm sure I'm making mistakes too but whatevs #we live to make clowns of ouselves u.u #Thanks for the ask anon dearie!! <3

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ronancecore · 7 months ago

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Story time

uhmm just sharing, it's rare for me to watch uhh Sci-fi genre or super hero stuffs. I'm more into romance type of person. But then I had a conversation with someone on this app(i don't want to mention the app because I don't if she's on tumblr, she might see this post haha I hope this post doesn't blew up.) it started with an anonymous love confession, not in the creepy way confession because I posted a link about where you can confess everything. If you know 'Sayout' you will understand, so it intended that I will receive tons of anonymous messages from someone. But after that she confessed by directly messaging me. (our story is like a fanfiction plot. I don't want to share it haha it's too obvious.) The two of us talk a lot, she's kind of out of my league, prolly having a different interest in life. She recommended stranger things to me, she said to me that I should watch it because I will probably like it. Before I watch ST, I know already Robin because of her famous meme, also that one scene Max levitating in the air in s4. It's all over my news feed. Speaking of robin she have Robin vibes I dunno whyy huhu.

Other than that, she likes superhero themes, she's a fan of marvel movies and likes(prolly loves spider man because of her uhh dump account on Instagram.) speaking of ig, she posted several post that she's on movie theater, she wants me to go watch with her! She get excited when she's having a story time mostly of her favorite shows. I swear, I never talk alot in personal so I don't know how to reply😭✋and she always make the first move of the convo. yeah we didn't end up cause I don't know why, we end up in that situation:D maybe is not a match. so basically we both decided to be friends, we're both busy in school works because that time we're uhh graduating student. Out of the blue the conversation stopped. My last convo with her was on her birthday, then we never talked again but before graduating we saw each other often in school grounds were school-mates. In the end I gather some my memories all together before the two of us have a conversation. Then we actually always cross each other path in hallways in the past! also her friends have a connection to my friends but we're not close enough that time to talk. Not until that anonymous confession thing happened.

After that I watch everything she recommended but I never chat with her again cause everything has change, not the same anymore it's been 2 years. Maybe if this is a fanfiction, I have a chance but this is real life, it's moreee way awkward if I chat again. I'm fine if she did the first move, it would been better to happen.

Then May last year someone message me in that link again, anonymously spammed me😭 with 'I miss you' and other stuff like that.

And then someone message me again in November. it's a birthday greeting. Sayout have a reply button in this year, so I can reply to any messages then I ask if that person message me 8 months ago then it said 'yes'. I know it's same person because of used of emoji and writing style, It's always the same and have a code on it but Somehow, doesn't ring the bell. But my other flings I block them haha because of how bad they treated me. This person the subject on this post is the only one I never block in my accounts, so she can see the link attached in my profile.

Yeah who knows? but I never suspect things. I guess i just overthinking everything.

I dunno why I shared this but yeahh, I guess the two of us should probably talk more.

#wlw #lesbian #queer #true story #original story #my thoughts #sapphic #true to life #spiderman #marvel #stranger things #homosexual #robin buckley

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julien5-malfunction · 3 months ago

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25082024

Jeez i'm on and off in here aren't i?

I dunno, i just have an urge to talk about my obsessions, i suppose.

I think i want a bunch of piercings now, i don't know why? I took the septum piercing a few weeks back, and having it is sensory hell. I can feel it is there, i keep licking it (because i can reach my tounge up to the tip of my nose) and moving it around with my upper lip. It's pretty distracting. I'm pretty damn sure if i get lip piercings or any other ones near the mouth, i'll be constantly chewing on them. At first i had the stance on oral piercings, that i would never get them due to being concerned for my gums and teeth, but then i learned that there is this thing called 'vertical labret' that doesn't go inside the mouth, only trough the lip. And now i want two... damned.

The other thing is tattoo fever. I'm a person who; A. (to the doom of my 'project') doesn't have that much concern about the sterility of my environment, as long as things don't feel sticky. And; B. owns all the necessary/basic supplies for tattooing oneself.

The issue arises when, i've been to the best of my abilities trying to avoid 🔪 myself, since i've been struggling with that lately, and it has manifested itself in the urge to drip melting candle was onto my arms (which, in my opinion is a legit alternative, it kinda hurts, forces you to calm the 🦆 down in order you don't burn the house down, yet leaves no permanent damage. -at least so far.) and well. 'inkless tattoos'. Or as in clear ink, the stuff used for making gray wash or something. I've been using that. It leaves a mark, like bloodlining, but blacking out, with the blood. "blood out?" nah. It leaves a scar, i have a large one on my leg, in the shape of a fish bone, that i did back in the uhhh... i think around christmas. Let's say 8 months ago and you can still see it if you know where to look and look hard enough. I don't know if it'll be any diffirent on my hand, see, my leftie has been abused more than any other body part and seems so have a thicker skin from all the " s c r a t c h e s ". It doesn't even feel pain from the candle thing as much as the right hand. My right hand is a real virgin in comparison, i mean like, i had to stop bc i couln't take it all where as the left hand can take at least 3 times as much wax and not feel burned at all?

Yeah so... the urge is real.

I feel like, if i'm going to seriously consider myself a tattoo artist at some point, i'll most likely *will have to* sacrafice a limb or two, some area of skin to the craft...

I had this idea: if i just doodle my leftie full of stuff and then black it out at the end? Do a trippy ass treeline hipster thing at the top? I was cleaning my supplies (and i use the same needles and cups over and over since i'm only tattooing fruits and silicone with them, it doesn't need to be new everytime) and got ink on myself, then had a brilliant idea of smearing it all over myself. And idk man, i kinda liked how that looked? Definetly not the whole arm, but from the wrist to the elbow? I liked it. hell. I just know i'll miss seeing my vein if i back out over it. My left arm vein has to be one of my favourite bodyparts i have.

#tattoo fever

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kinomiakai · 3 years ago

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How are you doing? Ask game! 6, 8 and 12, please? Love you! ❣️

Aww, hey friend! Doing good!! I had a minor back injury about a week ago that’s finally starting to ease up on me, so I’m happy :> These are fun, thank you!! All my love to you!!

6. Describe what you do and your feelings after posting a chapter. (For example: When do you usually post a fic/chapter update? How do you celebrate a posting? Are you the type to refresh constantly?, etc.)

Hahaha oh man, okay, for the first like few hours I suddenly become convinced that this is it, this is the fic that everyone is going to hate, I’ve suddenly lost all of my writing capability and I just didn’t know it yet, it’s secretly terrible. And then I chill out because I’m just nervous about putting my work out into the world, same as always. I do tend to celebrate by just taking it easy in some way, I find I get so preoccupied with what I’ve posted that I can’t really focus on writing something else, so I try to post after I’ve written whatever else I needed to :> I do refresh my emails a lot, but that’s just a habit of mine TT_TT

8. Talk about any friends/connections you've made as a fic writer.

Aw, man, so many! Internet friendships are weird, there are a whole bunch of people I think of very fondly, but they’ve moved on from the social medias I knew them from. I don’t mind, but I do hope they’re doing well and think of them from time to time. Life is busy and hectic, but I’ve often described myself as an NPC with no relationship drain over time - if you’ve got me to a certain level, I sit there :P I have a lot of really lovely friends that I have ongoing conversations with - where we reply like every few weeks or even months. Y’all know who you are <3 It’s lovely. It’s like waiting for letters every now and then :> Probably the biggest/most obvious example of a friend I’ve met through SNS is my fellow void buddy. Looking at you Megan :D Forever thrilled that I randomly messaged you that one day!!! But honestly, I could list so many names. If you’re thinking “I dunno, is Kinomi talking about me…?”, yes, yes I am.

12. What is your favorite theme/subject matter/trope/ship to write about? Why?

Hahaha well it’s SNS! Still, after all these years, although my OCs in the forest have really come to steal my heart. I’m really fond of writing in canon nowadays, because I love that complexity. I love that the pining has been ongoing for years, and that they’ve gone through all of this character development to get to a place where they really understand each other. It’s got all the emotional impact of a long novel without having to write the rest of the novel, haha! But I do love writing the rest of the novel, too ;D

In general, though, I just love to write about love. I think a lot of my writing comes from emotion, and love has so much power in there - it’s so fun to play with that. Falling in love and confessions, especially the mutual pining bits - ah, that’s the good stuff. As far as other tropes go, I love me a coffee shop au and I’ve written “there’s only one bed” into so many stories, I cannot possibly not list it here. I love writing stuff that makes people smile. Of course, I love the angsty bits too, but only because it’s so much better when they’re healed :>

From this ask game!!

#asks #anon #kinomitalks #kinomiresponds #textpost #writingstuff #ask game #writing ask game #longpost #voidbuddies #aw friend thank you so much for these!!#it's been so long since I've done an ask game like this haha #also I had to stop myself from just listing names for the second question #we would be here all day

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florrickandassociates · 3 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 5x10-- And the violence spread.

So, that’s it for season five. I’m still trying to sort out how I feel about the season as a whole and Wackner’s arc. I’m hopeful that writing this will help me decide.

This episode has a Previously, and it’s rather conventional. I’m guessing it’s here to bookend the season, with conveying information being only a secondary objective.

Did we see Rivi scream, “You’re done, Wacko, you’re done! Canceled! Canceled!” in the last episode or is that new to this previously? I feel like I absolutely would’ve had things to say about a) Wackner being called “Wacko,” which has been RIGHT THERE this whole time, and b) the use of “Canceled,” which is a thing Rivi would never say but is VERY thematic (you know, cancel culture and also Wackner having a TV show and also this being a TV show that’s wrapping up* Wackner’s arc).

* The way things end this episode, I’d say we’re done with Wackner. The Kings have said they aren’t sure about the plan for season six, so never say never, but I think that if we see Wackner again, it will be as part of a different arc.

I went back to 5x09 and while we do see the same shots of Rivi screaming, whatever he’s saying in 5x09 is in Spanish. So either he was saying this in Spanish or the dialogue here is totally new.

I’m a little sad that I knew in advance Robert King had directed this episode, because I want to know how long it would’ve taken me to guess. I’d like to think this first shot, of Diane flopping down on her bed in a very pretty floral print dress, then Kurt flopping down in the opposite direction, would’ve given it away. We usually don’t get shots that are both striking and kinda balanced unless RK’s directing.

This also has some big season three opener vibes—the scene where Diane turns to Kurt and says, “I’m happy,” thus jinxing the entire season.

Diane and Kurt are about to go on vacation, which means, of course, that Diane and Kurt are definitely not about to go on vacation. I’ve watched 12 seasons of this show; I know all the tricks!

If I didn’t get it from the initial staging of the opening shot, the camera panning to Diane and Kurt’s suitcases and then back would’ve been another clue that RK directed. He ALWAYS has the camera in motion.

I love that Diane’s travel outfit is a dress you could wear to a fancy party and a statement necklace. Of course it is.

And if I needed evidence that RK and MK wrote this episode (which I didn’t; it is a finale so I knew they wrote it), Diane quoting Waiting for Godot is a clue there.

I really should read Waiting for Godot, shouldn’t I?

“Wow. Educated and a good lay,” Kurt responds. I know that the political stuff between Diane and Kurt can get more than a little murky, but banter like this reminds me why they stay together and why politics never drive them apart. Also, it’s really nice to see Diane and Kurt have some fun banter that isn’t about politics.

And Diane making kissing noises and asking Kurt to meet her halfway! This just feels like I’m spying on someone’s private life and I love it. Not in a voyeuristic way, since this is actually a little uncomfortably private, but in a, “ah, yes, these do feel like real people” way. This is the kind of “a little goes a long way” character moment I always want more of, and Kings episodes ALWAYS include stuff like this.

And there it is. The phone rings as Diane and Kurt are about to start out for the airport. Diane thinks the call must be for Kurt, but it’s for her. It’s a very flustered Liz, informing her that STR Laurie’s execs are on their way to the office for a surprise visit.

If the Diane/Kurt scene didn’t tell me that Robert King directed, I almost certainly would’ve gotten it from the sudden cut to Liz, walking through the hallways and doing a million things at once with a ton of background noise. No one loves chaos the way Robert King loves chaos.

This episode STRONGLY reminds me of the Wife season five finale. It is equally chaotic and also spins a ton of plates. But, mostly, the similarity I see between the two episodes is that they are both extremely fun and captivating to watch because of how much momentum they have, but everything just feels slightly hollow and not exactly focused on the thing you want to see.

(Shout out to my friend Ryan, who messaged me the 5x22 comparison before I could message it to him!)

I decided I should rewatch the first few minutes of 5x22. I am now 15 minutes into 5x22 of Wife and 2 minutes into 5x10 of Fight. Oops.

Apparently, STR Laurie planned a surprise visit because they heard RL was dysfunctional. You don’t say!

I felt like 5x09 concluded with STR Laurie being won over by Allegra and the RL team, so this is a bit of a surprising place to start the episode. But, since Diane seems surprised too, I’ll allow it.

Now Liz and Diane have 90 minutes to agree on a financial plan! Kurt’s on the phone with the airline before Diane even hangs up with Liz.

Diane is determined not to lose out on her vacation and asks Kurt to change the flight to 8:00. “Kurt, we are going on this vacation if it kills me!” is a line I would worry was foreshadowing on basically any other show.

The RL/STRL PowerPoint template is pretty ugly. They want to call 2021 their best year yet, thanks to the deal between Rivi and Plum Meadow Farms we saw last week. Even though we saw champagne and signatures, the deal isn’t done yet because Plum Meadow can back out if Rivi goes to jail.

RK also loves close-ups more than any other director on the show; I do not love close-ups.

The Plum Meadow deal is such a big deal that for the quarter, they go from $45 million to $5 million without it. They should just not say numbers. I can believe it’s big enough to take them from a modest profit to being behind projections or whatever, but I can’t believe that they have $5 million in other business and $40 million on this one deal.

It seems that Rivi was arrested. I don’t think it is ever said in this episode why. I assume the arrest relates to his behavior in Wackner’s court, since there were police officers there, and I suppose that Rivi is a big enough deal the police would actually take him to real court, but are we not going to address the weirdness of Rivi being arrested in a fake court where his employees are being tried, then taken to a real court by the same people who just an episode ago were disillusioned with real court? This seems like a plot point.

Carmen on a frantic phone call in the backseat of a car feels very 7x22.

Who is James that Carmen has in her contacts!? And why does everyone always put Liz in their contacts as “Elizabeth Reddick” when everyone calls her Liz?

Carmen calls Marissa to go argue in Vinetta’s court since she’s on Rivi duty. Carmen doesn’t take Marissa’s job in Wackner’s court seriously and then notes that this instruction is coming straight from Liz, so Marissa falls in line.

Wackner’s case of the week is about rural Illinois wanting to form its own state separate from Chicago. There’s a farmer who feels like his tax money is only going to the big city and he wants it to stay in his community.

They’ve just now added stage lighting to the set of Wackner Rules, dunno why they wouldn’t have done that earlier!

I don’t know what standing you’d have to have to bring a case about wanting to divide the state in two to court, or if this is even something a court would or should decide, but, sure, Wackner and Cord, go for it. There are no rules!

This map splitting Illinois into two new states that Cord is holding is a dumb prop because Galena, where this farmer is from, is in the same section as Chicago. Do I pause every reference to Chicago on this show and then google information to see if the writers bothered to look it up or pretend they’ve ever set foot in Chicago? You know I do.

“Secession!” the audience screams. Does the audience of Wackner Rules really want to see this?

A Good Fight Short! And it really is short: “Stop this obsession with secession and breaking up the Union. It’s boring and it’s dumb, end of song.” I feel like that’s the thesis statement for this episode, or one of them (that this episode seems to have about ten thesis statements is kind of my problem with this episode, tbh). This episode is very much about danger of things becoming too fractured—the COTW, the copycat courts, the firm drama—and I feel like the writers come around to just saying no, this is enough, we need structure and consistency.

But more on that later. MUCH more on that later.

Marissa is swearing more because “the world has required it.” She notes this to Wackner as she calls him out on the secession case. Cord barges in.

Take a look at the employee of the month poster on the back of the door at 5:39. Then at 5:40, look at what’s in the box just to the right of the center of the screen: it’s an employee of the month poster with Wackner on it! Cute easter egg. (Would Marissa definitely notice this and have questions? Yes. Is this here as a cute easter egg for eagle-eyed fans? Almost certainly.)

“Insane is just one step away from reality if you get people to believe, and you know what makes people believe? TV.” Cord explains when Marissa asks how they can possibly be litigating this case. That’s thesis statements two and three, folks. The first is that if you get people to believe, then anything is possible, which sounds like a tagline for a Disney movie but is actually super dangerous; the second is that reality TV is a way to persuade people and change opinions.

So we’ve got: (1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. Let’s see if there are more.

(Yes, these theses do kind of add up to a whole—The rules don’t matter, so if you persuade people, through reality tv, you get factions of people believing their own sets of rules and facts—but what I'm interested in tracking throughout this episode is how well the writers actually bring these theses together.)

(And this is setting aside that key themes in previous episodes, that I think many of us were looking for resolution on, included outlining the flaws with the extant “real” justice system and exploring the role of prison in the justice system. From this episode, I don’t think the writers ever intended to really tackle either of those issues. That’s fine—I'm not sure that TGF has something to say about prison abolition and I don’t want a thought experiment where the writers actually try to fix the legal system—but feels a bit disjointed. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but 5x08 and 5x09 needed to do a better, clearer job of setting up this finale. The key themes of Wackner’s arc were always present, but they needed to slowly narrow the scope so the resolution felt inevitable and clear. Instead, we spent time on things like parking spaces (when we could’ve had a real plot about how Wackner’s court gains legitimacy through violence, incarceration, and playing on people’s frustration with the real systems) and Del’s focus groups (when we could’ve instead done a plot about Wackner gaining fans who wanted to use his methods to do ill). Everything I just mentioned in the parentheticals is in the show! It’s not subtext! We see it all! We see Cord use violence and prisons to enforce Wackner’s rulings; we see the cops turn to Wackner out of frustration; we see that the people drawn to Wackner Rules and to Wackner’s court are increasingly sounding more and more like right-wing populists! I can’t be too hard on this arc because, again, all these ideas are there. I’m not coming up with them on my own!)

I’m just saying: this ending would’ve been a lot clearer and a lot more interesting had the writers focused on what I mentioned above instead of the distractions of the last two episodes.

Whew, that was a ramble. Hope you’re ready for more rambles.

On a similar note, I’d like to reiterate my problems with how the writers used Marissa after the private prison reveal. I don’t have much more to say than what I wrote last week, but it’s another example of the same problem. Marissa objecting to Wackner’s court because she notices what it’s becoming and how Cord plans to use it for political gain (two Illinoises (??) changes the Senate and the Electoral College...) always was going to be part of the endgame. Marissa only seriously objecting after the fourth or fifth line Wackner crosses feels bizarre.

Cord does NOT like that there is another court, and wants to protect Wackner’s IP. Wackner, as we saw last episode, does not feel threatened by the other court. In fact, he seems to be excited by it.

I love Liz questioning Diane’s outfit like it’s unprofessional. It’s a little low-cut and showy, but I don’t think unprofessional is the word I’d use for it.

Now they have 45 minutes to decide The Future Of The Firm and Diane wants to be considered a name partner. Oh, that debate is still raging?! Every time I think it’s done it comes back, which should probably be a sign to Diane that her options are to leave and start something new, jettison Madeline and the others, or step down. Staying on as name partner and calling it a black firm is just not an option.

“Diane, there is a split in the firm that...” Liz starts, before asking some associates to leave the room. Ha! The reveal Liz and Diane aren’t alone is a pretty fun touch.

“The Black equity partners don’t want to be in your work group,” Liz informs Diane. “Because they think they’ll be punished by this firm?” Diane asks. “No, that’s paranoia. We don’t punish here,” Liz responds. “Of course you do. My fracking client. My union client. The Black lawyers who work on those cases—they're considered traitors” Diane says. “Because those CEOs are racists,” Liz counters.

Lots going on here, and I’m not sure I understand it all. Why would the equity partners—who are partners—feel like they’re being punished by being in Diane’s work group? (And also what does a “work group” mean and why haven’t they talked about it in the past?) When Diane starts talking about the lawyers who staff her clients, she’s not talking about equity partners; she is talking about associates.

And people are giving associates shit for working on Diane’s clients whom they happen to be staffed on!? That’s sad, though believable.

“So what do we do? Only bring in clients who can pass the racial smell test?” Diane asks. I mean, actually, yes. IF the goal is to be a black firm and to have that designation mean something in moral terms rather than marketing terms, then yes.

“It’s okay if you’re a drug kingpin like Rivi, but it’s not okay if you want me as lead attorney?” Diane says. Also, yes. Diane makes good points here.

“Diane, this is not about you,” Liz counters. Um, sure, but it has to be about something, Liz. Unless you’re trying to build a firm you don’t control that makes 88% of its revenue from a drug dealer (40 million out of 45 million this quarter = 88%; I told you they shouldn’t give me numbers) but happens to have black people in charge, you have to grapple with this question. I don’t think anyone who’s fighting for the firm to be a black-led (not owned, bc STRL) business is the type of person who thinks that having a black-led firm that does all the same shit as any other firm is in itself a good thing, so you NEED to address your client list. Madeline is anti-Rivi, anti-Cord, anti-Wolfe-Coleman (the rapist guy), pro-social justice, and pro having a black led firm.

“I mean, why... why do white people personalize this?” Liz asks. “Oh, now I’m just a white person?” Diane responds. I... don’t know what to do with this! Liz is right that Diane is taking this personally; Diane is right that Liz needs to deal with the rest of the client list. But no one is saying the things that REALLY need to be said: That all their decisions are meaningless in the shadow of STRL, and that deciding to be a black led firm isn’t the end of the discussion if they haven’t decided what types of clients they want to have.

“What happened, Liz? Last year we were intent on an all-female-run law firm,” Diane starts. Oh, THIS AGAIN! Diane never learns, does she? She never seems to realize that no one she’s approached with this idea is NEARLY as in love with it as she is. She probably still wonders to herself why Alicia—who partnered with her at the end of season seven basically just because it was the easiest, most frictionless thing to do—didn't seem more committed to their firm.

“Diane, there is history here that we are trying to...” Liz says, but Diane cuts in to note that women (women like Diane Lockhart!) have history too! In fact, she’s spent “35 years fighting gender discrimination to get to this position.” “And we have spent 400 years fighting racial discrimination to try and, you know...” Liz starts, before cutting herself off to get back to the ticking clock.

Sigh. Just talk about the actual thing instead of talking around the thing, guys. Diane is obviously deserving of A name partnership, in the abstract. This is an undeniable fact. And while Diane is definitely making this about herself rather than the big picture, I don’t think Liz trying to trump Diane’s 35 year career with the history of black people is going to win her any arguments? Like, just say what you mean and say it clearly. What Liz, I think, wants to express is that Diane’s individual accomplishments aren’t the issue here and everyone thinks she’s deserving (though Liz suggested Diane was not deserving a few episodes ago, which I didn’t understand then and don’t understand now). The problem is that Diane is trying to fight a battle that’s about something much larger than herself with, “but I'm a good lawyer!”

And that’s KIND OF what Liz is saying here, if I add all her sentences up and read between the lines, but, again, why not just say it?

“Alright, now we have 43 minutes to fix race relations, gender relations. STR Laurie’s gonna fire our asses, and you know it,” Liz says. I am curious what that would look like. Wouldn’t that just mean that STRL wouldn’t control them anymore? I’m sure being fired would be bad and all, but wouldn’t it free them from the contract they wanted out of last year?

“Let’s split the firm down the middle. I hire half the lawyers, you hire the other half,” Diane suggests. What does this mean? Why are you hiring your employees? Huh?

“You hire the white associates, and I hire the black associates?” Liz confirms. This seems like a very bad idea that would make things a lot worse and open them up to lawsuits! I also still do not know what they’re even talking about. And I don’t know why Allegra isn’t a part of this conversation.

“I’m not saying it’s good. I’m just saying it’s what we’re left with. It's what we can agree on,” Diane says. I really wish I understood what “hire” meant in this context because I don’t understand why they have to split anything or why this has to be done now and I don’t understand why this would possibly be a good solution. Can you imagine the backlash when people realize all the white people report to Diane and all the black people to Liz and that people were taken off of the accounts they’ve worked on for years to accomplish this? And this must be something that the employees would know about eventually; otherwise they could just randomly assign half to Liz and half to Diane.

I’m sad Madeline isn’t in this episode because I feel like we needed to see more of her POV as well as the associate POV. I don’t really understand the divides at play within the firm or what the staff and other partners are asking for, but I suspect it isn’t this.

Hallucination Jesus is back, and at least there’s actually a point to him this time (he shows up when Jay is in Vinetta’s court and reminds Jay that Vinetta will rule based on her religious beliefs). I still dislike the hallucinations.

Jay advises Marissa, who is Jewish, to talk a lot about Jesus in her defense.

Charmaine Bingwa is really great as Carmen, and obviously she is not fluent in Spanish, but it’s so funny to me that the only time you can hear that she’s Australian is when she’s trying to say Oscar like she’s speaking Spanish.

"I know you’re hiding something when you speak English,” Rivi says to Carmen. Heh.

“Community court” is such a nice, unthreatening term for referring to Wackner and his copy cats. Thanks for that, Carmen!

It’s a smart plan to mention Jesus a lot, I guess, but Jay and Marissa both should’ve realized that Vinetta is too smart to tolerate obvious pandering. I’m a little surprised Jay doesn’t get up and argue since Marissa is, obviously, not familiar with the New Testament.

Marissa wins this round with facts and logic.

Why is the judge who was handling Rivi’s previous charge now in bond court? Make it make sense.

I like that Carmen calls out the ASA for swearing hahaha

Why... would this Matteo kid just casually mention he was holding a gun, omg.

In Vinetta’s court, you can be charged with murder and tried because... you had a gun and also there were murders at other times. Coolcoolcool no problems here.

Community courts for civil cases? Sure. That’s basically arbitration. Community courts for criminal cases? Bad, bad, bad idea.

Vinetta’s reasoning: “Those murders happened on our street, and the police haven’t convicted anyone because they don’t care. We care. This is self-defense. And how is it different from your court?” Aside from the whole imprisoning people in her basement thing, Vinetta’s not wrong. I almost brought this up last week but hesitated because I couldn’t remember the details enough to decide if I wanted to recommend it, but there’s a book I read a few years ago that seems relevant here: Ghettoside by Jill Leovy. Again, been a while so don’t take this as a wholehearted endorsement or anything, but from what I remember, the central issue at the heart of the book (it’s non-fiction) is that a poor black community (I think in LA?) doesn’t trust the police (in part) because the police don’t solve murders, and then with no way of getting justice through the court system, there’s more violence as a stand-in for justice. https://www.vox.com/2016/8/26/12631962/ghettoside-jill-leovy-black-crime

I’m not sure if that’s QUITE what Vinetta is saying but it seems similar, and it’s a decent point (though not a justification for her court). Why should she trust the system to improve her community when it’s ignored her community for years?

I like that the writers chose two very different, very understandable characters for their community courts. It’s easy to see why Wackner and Vinetta feel the need for alternative courts; it’s easy to see why others would trust them. This arc doesn’t really work unless there’s a legitimate frustration with existing systems...

Marissa calls Wackner’s court a “joke,” which she should understand by now isn’t the case. (Marissa’s smart; she knew it wasn’t a joke the second she saw David Cord get involved.)

Vinetta accuses Wackner of copying her court, which alarms Marissa. This isn’t addressed again, and I don’t know if it’s true! I could really go either way on this. On the one hand, I absolutely believe that Wackner saw/heard about it, liked it, and did it himself without thinking much of it—and if this is the case, then the ending where Vinetta gets in trouble for violating Wackner’s IP is a lot more of a gut punch. On the other hand, I don’t really feel like the seeds for this were planted. We see Wackner innovate a lot and try new things and he has an explanation for why he does everything—how much of that is Vinetta? And Vinetta clearly watches the show and likes it or she wouldn’t have recognized Marissa, so it’s a little hard for me to just believe her claim when literally all I know about her is she has a court that looks like Wackner’s and she is aware of and feels positively towards Wackner rules. Also, Wackner knows about Vinetta’s court (from Marissa) and sounded excited about it last episode. Sure, he didn’t necessarily know which one it was, exactly, but I assume if he’d copied the idea and then heard about a case involving people from the exact same community where he found the idea... his reaction would be different. So IDK. My reasons for doubting Vinetta’s claim are probably based a little too much in things I’m not meant to spend that much time paying attention to.

“I fucked up. It’s in the same court, but now it’s a murder case,” Marissa tells Diane. I do like hearing characters admit when they fucked up!

Diane hears that STRL is delayed, so she heads out to help Matteo. When she goes to change into her pantsuit, she finds that she’s grabbed Kurt’s bag by mistake. “Of course. That makes sense,” she reacts.

Diane pushes her flight to the next day, also telling Kurt, “And yes, for some reason, I took your suit instead of mine, so fuck it.” I love it when the characters feel like real people.

I am not sure why Kurt is getting to the office when Diane is leaving or why Kurt is there—to pick Diane up on the way to the airport, maybe?

Carter Schmidt walks into RL at the worst possible time, threating to blow up the Plum Meadow deal. Another 5x10 to Wife 5x22 similarity: he’s in both episodes.

Liz heads out to help Carmen with Rivi, and then STRL arrives. Oops.

Credits!

One thing about Wackner’s court that should definitely be a warning sign even though it seems noble: he ignores just about every warning sign, like this rowdy crowd screaming WE LOVE YOU WACKNER or the potential interests at play in a case about secession, because he thinks his fair judgement can overcome these obstacles. If the world worked that way, there’d be no need for his court in the first place.

Is anyone representing the State of Illinois in this trial? If not, then... how is it happening?

Dr. Goat, some dude who claims to have some hidden historical document about how Illinois is actually two states, is clearly making stuff up and yet Wackner indulges him and Cord. I feel about this the same way as I feel about the Devil’s Advocate: That Wackner would not allow this to go on for more than five seconds before calling bullshit and therefore there is no reason I should have to sit through it.

Why is some guy screaming, “No taxation without representation” like dude you absolutely have representation. But of course, I’m expecting him to be logical, and the point is that he is not.

Dr. Goat’s Latin phrases—shock!-- don’t actually translate into anything like what he said. Even though this information is verifiable by a quick google search, the crowd starts screaming “Liar!!!!” at Marissa. If only I could say this felt unrealistic.

Wackner asks Dr. Goat to bring in the document.

“You look like you’re heading to the beach,” Vinetta says to Diane, who looks like she’s heading somewhere but definitely not to the beach. Vinetta asks where Diane was headed on vacation. Diane says she’s headed to Lake Como, and unnecessarily clarifies that “It’s in Italy.” She assumes Vinetta doesn’t know that... but Vinetta does.

“So you’ve been there before?” Vinetta probes when Diane says it’s beautiful there. “Just once. We don’t get away often. We thought we’d splurge,” Diane says. Vinetta stares at her and smiles, and Diane hits her head on a basket that’s hanging in Vinetta’s kitchen. If I just write out the dialogue here, it sounds like a perfectly average conversation, but everything about this conversation is so charged: Diane is afraid to look like a wealthy white woman; Vinetta’s pleasantness is pretty clearly also a way of sizing up Diane.

Vinetta shows Diane pictures of neighborhood children and young adults killed as a consequence of gang violence. You can see she’s not trying to do anything other than help her community, even if her methods are highly questionable.

Diane argues that Matteo should be given over to the police; Vinetta disagrees: “The police haven’t arrested anyone for those murders, any of these. Since the BLM movement, they’ve pulled back from our streets. No one’s coming to help. That’s why I started this court. It’s not a joke to us.” Wait I’m sorry did Vinetta just blame lack of good detective work in black communities on... the BLM movement?!?!?! Is there any foundation to this!? Why can’t it just be that the police weren’t actually doing a good job of policing/finding justice and were being antagonistic towards the community instead of being helpful and no one trusted them?? That explanation is literally right there.

Jay suggests the Jesus strategy, again.

“It’s women! We could just move on, install men,” STRL guy says. I don’t know if he’s joking, but ugh. Also, what is RL if it has neither Diane nor Liz? A bunch of lawyers who will all promptly quit when they see their bosses get fired and a few opportunists?

Kurt is watching golf in Diane’s office, and the STRL people love it. Of course Kurt accidentally makes friends with them.

Court stuff happens. It’s not good for Rivi, and then Liz and Carmen come up with a theory: Plum Meadow is stalling the deal so they can find Rivi’s more stable second and make a deal with them instead.

Wackner giving Dr. Goat a single point on his stupid little board, for any reason related to his obviously fake totally unverified document, is dangerous. Why would you signal to a crowd that’s clearly not interested in fact that they have a point? That’s basically egging them on.

I know Wackner’s judgment is obviously not 100% sound—need I remind you of the PRIVATE PRISONS?-- but I thought it was more sound than this.

Wackner shows off his knowledge of paper and proves that Dr. Goat’s document is a fake. Why... did he just give Dr. Goat a point???

Or is he moving the point from Dr. Goat to Marissa?

Dr. Goat sounds like a fake name I would call a character in my recaps long past the point of anyone other than myself remembering the joke. (See: Mr. Elk)

“The truth is ugly. The only thing uglier is not pursuing it,” Wackner tells Marissa. How is taking on a case about very obvious falsehoods, funded by someone with a vested interest in the case, that gets people riled up, some noble pursuit of truth?

STRL and Kurt are now drinking and discussing hunting, while Diane’s arguing for Matteo in Vinetta’s living room. Vinetta is—as was always obvious, sorry Jay—far too smart to fall for this patronizing bullshit. She screams at Diane and plays back a recording (on a baby monitor) of Diane coaching Matteo to lie about his faith.

Soooooo yeah no you can’t do that, that is bad, recording conversations between lawyers and their clients is not good even if it leads to you exposing their schemes...

Then Vinetta places Diane under arrest, which obviously isn’t going to end well for Vinetta.

Liz and Carmen suggest a post-nup to Rivi to see if Isabel is planning on turning on him.

“I’m going to have to kill her,” Rivi says sadly. I don’t think Rivi will ever kill Isabel because we already did that with Bishop.

I’m going to assume that Diane chooses to stay in basement prison instead of calling one of the many, MANY, MANY people she could call to get her out/take down Vinetta because she doesn’t want the situation to be publicized or further deteriorate. That said, it’s really not clear why Diane just accepts being sentenced to basement prison with a cell phone.

Love the STRL man looking at that picture of Diane and HRC. They’ve gotten so much mileage out of that photo.

Wackner’s court has no rules, but at least since it has no rules, I can’t complain about how its rules make no sense!

What is this, debate practice?! Ugggghhhhh I can’t deal with this case for much longer.

Marissa takes a breath, then decides to pursue a strategy she knows could blow everything up.

“Then why care what Judge Wackner decides? Why should you defer to him? Why defer to anyone?” Cord says that’s the point—the people have decided to trust Wackner. “So if you don’t like this court’s decision, you’ll just start a new one?” Marissa asks. “I guess,” Cord concedes.

“So then why does this matter? This court?” “It matters only insofar as we continue to agree that it matters,” Cord says. “So if you don’t like Judge Wackner’s rulings, you can just ignore them and create a new court?”

Good point, Marissa. Good point. (Does this count as a thesis?)

“I’m guessing that I will like the way the judge decides,” Cord says. Well, that’s basically a threat.

Wackner takes a break and heads to chambers—without Marissa.

Kurt goes to visit Diane in basement jail. He’s granted a conjugal visit, which means Matteo gets moved up to the bedroom so Diane and Kurt can have some alone time.

Diane is staring at an image of Lake Como in her cell. I thought it was odd she brought a printout of her vacation destination with her, so I LOVED the line where she explains that Vinetta printed it out for her. COLD. (You know who also would’ve done this if they’d for some reason had a basement prison? Bree Van de Kamp. You know what show DID do a basement prison arc I’d rather forget? Desperate Housewives!)

I love how Diane responds to basement prison by making jokes non-stop.

“I thought the craziness would end with 2020,” Diane says. Nope.

Kurt brought alcohol; Diane brought pot gummies.

I love that Kurt has never had pot before. I was going to say that I bet Diane’s had a few experiences with recreational drugs when I remembered we had a whole damn season of Diane microdosing.

Christine and Gary’s acting and their chemistry really bring these basement prison scenes to life. The writing and directing are really sharp, but it’s the actors who make these scenes something special. You can tell Diane and Kurt love each other a lot. You can tell they’re disappointed about their vacation and exhausted by the chaos of the day. You can tell they’re in disbelief over this situation but also find it funny.

Didn’t Rivi and Isabel have an adult daughter who died of COVID a few episodes ago? Weird she isn’t mentioned in this scene. Maybe from a different marriage/relationship?

Isabel called the SA’s office because she thinks Rivi’s a threat? I think this is a power play.

Heh, Carmen saying, “Shut a black woman up!?” in disbelief in court. Love it.

Isabel instead flips her story and supports her husband and fights for his release. With no intervention from Plum Meadow, this gets the judge to free Rivi. I don’t really understand what’s happened here or why. I get the resolution, but I don’t get why Isabel called the SA or why this went away so quickly. I still don’t even get why Rivi’s been arrested.

Diane and Kurt put up Christmas lights for ambiance and talk about how they never go on vacation.

“I wanna see the pyramids on this coast!” drunk & high Kurt insists, hilariously. “I mean hemisphere. I like the Aztecs. They, they care about people.” I’m not going to transcribe the rest of the dialogue because it loses its magic when you’re not watching the scene.

After some fun banter about travel and movies, Diane changes the topic. “I should quit, shouldn’t I? That judge upstairs? She looked at me like I was the most entitled white bitch on the planet. And that’s the way they look at me at work.”

Kurt tries to say that’s not true, but Diane knows it is: “Yes they do. I’m the top Karen. And why do I care? I mean, I... I could find another firm. I could quit. I can’t impose my will on people who don’t want me.”

YES. I see a lot of debate over what the “right” thing to do is here. But I think we are long past “right” and “wrong.” At a certain point, this stops being about absolute moral truths. If Diane doesn’t have the respect of her partners and employees, that is a very real problem for the firm and for Diane. How can she continue to impose her will on a firm that doesn’t want her, all the while claiming to be an ally? (The back half of that sentence is the most important part.) Forget whether or not Diane “should” have to step down. Forget what’s “fair.” If the non-Diane leadership of RL thinks the firm should be a black firm, and the employees of RL think so too, and Diane just doubles down on her white feminism, she’s creating an even bigger problem for herself and ruining her reputation in the process.

Kurt stands up on the prison cot and warns Diane she might make a decision she’ll regret. This scene is so cute. Why can’t other shows do drug trips where the characters just act silly and have great chemistry? Why does it always have to be some profound meditation on death whenever characters get high?

“I think I like starting over. I like the chutes and ladders of life. I mean, I want the corner office, but then I wanna slip back to the beginning and fight for the corner office. I mean, I think maybe it’s better that I don’t get the top spot,” Diane says. LOVE to hear her admit this. I’m not sure I would’ve come to this conclusion on my own, and it sounds like it’s a bit more about how the writers like to write (you know, the “we love our characters to always be underdogs”) than Diane, but... you know what? I believe it. I fully believe it. Diane LOVES to fight, LOVES to feel like she’s in the right, LOVES power plays and to be making progress. She LOVES winning. The fact that she isn’t just choosing to retire right now, even though she’s past retirement age and has a great reputation, is in itself enough for me to believe that she would find it fun to repeatedly start over.

Plus, it’s a fun new direction for the show to take in season six, because they’ll get the same sense of conflict without the actual conflict. This season’s arc was firm drama and resulted in a firm name change... but it didn’t feel like a knock-off of Hitting the Fan. Diane trying to work her way back into power (I assume by becoming a better actual ally, otherwise doesn’t she just end up in the same exact situation?) should also provide conflict without being repetitive.

Hahahahahaha Kurt immediately reacting to this serious statement by being incredibly silly and horny and then Diane singing “I Touch Myself” to him, man, I love these two. I want to know the story behind this song choice.

Wackner emerges from his chambers. The score is tied. Wackner calls Cord corrupt and notes that they can’t just decide to call Downstate Illinois a new state based on his ruling. Now it’s thesis time!

“I was taken by Mr. Cord’s arguments of individualism. So much of our country has been built on people finding their own way, not being held back by bureaucracy. Yet, if we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos. And that was not the point of this court. Or at least not my point. Judgment for the defense. There will be no Downstate Illinois.”

“If we only follow individualism, that way lies chaos.” is probably the clearest of the many theses of this episode. To recap, we have:

(1) Factions are bad. (2) People are persuadable and the rules don’t actually matter. (3) Reality TV changes minds. (4) Institutions only exist when we collectively agree they exist (5) Individualism = chaos.

But let’s put a pin in this for now and let the chaos of individualism play out.

The crowd does not like Wackner’s decision, and decides that an appropriate way to express their displeasure is to make anti-Semitic remarks towards Marissa and then start throwing chairs. What nice people.

As the crowd goes totally 1/6 on Wackner’s court (thanks for pointing this out to me, Ryan—I cannot believe I didn’t make the connection myself!), the door slamming into the desk finally pays off since Marissa and Wackner are able to use it to keep the crowd from reaching them.

They immediately turn to the police, or they would, if they could get service. I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that as soon as things get bad, they want to involve the existing system.

Wackner Rules is, somehow, still taping in the midst of all the chaos. I don’t know if I think they’d air this, but someone certainly would. (I wonder if any of the cameras we see in these scenes are actually the cameras filming the other angles of the riot.)

Cord shakes his head and walks out, unharmed.

“You think they’ll kill us?” “I think they might,” Marissa and Wackner fret.

“My dad said the whole world would be a better place if everybody realized they were in the minority. ‘No matter where you are,’ he said, ‘Make sure you keep an eye on the exits, and make sure you’re closer to the exit than the Cossacks are to the entrance.’” Marissa says. Love Eli Gold coming through with thesis number 6 (and maybe thesis number 7).

“Your dad sounds a little paranoid,” Wackner says, correctly. Remember how I mentioned I accidentally wound up watching 5x22? Eli calls Alicia and responds to her hello with, “DISASTER!!!!” I miss him.

“He was, but he wasn’t wrong. He said, ‘Stay away from parades. They’re cute until they’re not. And don’t trust any pope who was Hitler Youth.” “What’s that law called?” “Godwin’s Law. My dad said anybody who argued for Godwin’s Law has never been near an actual crowd. Crowds love you, they hug you. Then they grab a gun and try to kill you.”

“Why? Why do they do that?” “I don’t know. Hate is fun. It’s clear-cut.”

I really like all of this. It is a little preachy, but it isn’t wrong and it’s self-aware. And, more importantly, it’s in character. I absolutely believe that Marissa would tell lots of stories about Eli in a moment of extreme stress. It’s nostalgic, probably comforting, and it also helps her feel like she’s on the right side with the right arguments. So, even backed into a corner, she’s still a winner: she has theory on her side.

Wackner speaks a foreign language (I do not know what language but I wish I did) and says, “A guy could get killed doing this,” which makes him and Marissa laugh as things crash around them.

Idk about you all, but I couldn’t really get myself to actually worry about their safety during this scene. Maybe Wackner’s, just a little, but I got the sense we were supposed to focus more on the chaos and destruction and monologuing than on the actual danger. That’s not to say the stakes didn’t feel high, but rather to say that this didn’t feel like an action sequence where you don’t know what’s going to happen next. The point was to watch the court fall and think about why it fell, not to worry about if Marissa would live.

Diane and Kurt are woken up by sirens and loud noises. The cops arrive and are shocked to find professionally dressed white people in a basement cell. They let Diane and Kurt out with compassion, but scream, “don’t you fucking move” to the people on the floor.

“It’s okay, they didn’t do anything,” Diane says. This is, as I theorized earlier, probably why Diane just sits there until her punishment blows over instead of escalating things.

If the cops weren’t there to free Diane, why were they there? Why, because they like David Cord and David Cord has gotten Chicago PD officers to protect Wackner’s IP.

If I had to say one thing in favor of Vinetta being the originator of the community court idea, it would be that it’s SUCH a gut punch to watch Diane and Kurt walk away from their bizarre little adventure as Vinetta gets arrested in the background, and it hits ten times as hard if Vinetta’s only being charged because some white guy is claiming IP that’s actually hers.

(I think Vinetta is probably, at this point, actually being arrested for imprisoning people illegally, but, still.)

“Pfft. Some judge,” one of the cops who adores Wackner says of Vinetta. Racist much?

Marissa and Wackner emerge from the backroom. “I think I better get back to work,” she says, meaning her RL job. "Me too,” Wackner says, grabbing a Copy Coop apron. He’s an employee of ten years.

I don’t think this lands as well as it’s meant to. I think the point is supposed to be that Wackner’s just some guy—not a billionaire, not an academic, not a judge, not a lawyer—with an idea. But it’s a little too neat. And it doesn’t explain how Wackner financed his court initially, nor does it explain why he has basically unlimited access to Copy Coop space and resources. I’d buy it if he were the OWNER of Copy Coop, but I have so many questions about him being an employee.

Diane tells Liz she’s actually going on vacation this time, and they laugh about how Kurt bonded with STRL.

“I want you and Allegra to be name partners. I’ll be an equity partner,” Diane says. “Why?” Liz asks. “Five years ago, when I hit rock bottom, this firm took me in. So I don’t like the idea of splitting this firm in two. And I can’t lead if no one will follow.” “And your clients?” “We’ll manage them together.” YES! I love this. I don’t love it because I necessarily think it had to go this way, but because it’s so refreshing to see Diane say that she actually is willing to take a step back because she cares about the firm and the people there more than she cares about being a name partner. This isn’t something we usually see. When we hear “this firm took x in” it’s usually being said incredulously against someone who’s decided to leave and steal clients (cough, Hitting the Fan, cough).

It’s been pretty clear for most of this arc that Diane and Liz like working together and they like their firm, but that no one (other than Diane, I guess) is willing to let RL lose its status as a black firm, and that the employees and equity partners weren’t going to be satisfied until Diane stepped down. Diane really had three options: Stay and piss everyone off and claim the whole firm for herself, quit and go somewhere else and totally abandon the good working dynamic she had, or step down and put her money where her mouth is.

Also yeah the clients were never actually going to be an issue! They were only an issue because Diane intentionally went about informing them she was stepping down in a way she knew would make them worry!

“I think I need to prove myself,” Diane says. I’m not sure that’s the key issue or that she can ever prove herself fully, but we’ll worry about that next year.

“I missed you,” Liz says. “I’m here,” Diane replies. “I know. Thank you,” Liz says.

Diane decides she’s going to move downstairs so Allegra can have her office. I think there’s another office on this floor, since she, Adrian and Liz all had offices. This feels a little bit like Diane’s in love with the idea of making things difficult for herself and maybe hasn’t fully grasped the point, but, you know, I’ll take it.

Diane tells Kurt her decision and he asks if it was the right thing to do. She says she doesn’t know—but she says it with a smile. Kurt notes he’s going hunting next month with the STRL folks and will put in a good word for her. Ah, yes, because STRL still controls all of this and all of this is moot! Thanks for the reminder Kurt! Diane says she wants in on the hunting trip. Of course.

And the elevator doors close. Remember how closing elevator doors was a motif earlier this season??? It’s back!

Then we get a little coda with Wackner Rules airing a new episode that’s just violence and destruction. This sequence seems to straddle the line between being there for thematic reasons for the viewers and there to show what happened in the show’s universe, but I think it’s main purpose is theme, so I will not go on a full rant questioning why Del would want to air this.

A white blonde lady in an apron watches the destruction of Wackner Rules. She looks concerned. “That was violet,” she says with dismay. And then we see she’s holding a guy in a jail cell in her kitchen.

And then we see other courts, as America the Beautiful plays. One’s in a garage debating kicking someone out of the neighborhood; another is across the street about the same case. There’s one in Oregon about secession. There’s one among Tiki Torch Nazis deciding only white people can own property. There’s (inexplicably) one about pronouns. There’s one with arm wrestling, one that happens while sky diving, and a bunch of others. It’s pretty ridiculous, and not necessarily in a good way. It feels at once like the natural extension of the Wackner Rules show and like an over the top parody you’d see on another show. Tiki Torch Nazis screaming “only white people can own property!” is the opposite of subtle writing. Tonally, this sequence feels more like the zany humor of Desperate Housewives or the insanity of BrainDead than anything TGF has done before (and TGF’s been plenty surreal), and it doesn’t quite work for me. It feels like it is trying to prove a point in the corniest, most on the nose way possible. It almost feels like it’s parodying its own plotlines.

On my first watch, this ending for Wackner left me stumped. I knew the writers were making an argument against individualism (Wackner’s speech + the repeated references to The Apprentice) and cults of personality. But I couldn’t figure out a real life analogue to Wackner’s court, and since this ending was so obviously trying to be About Something, that bugged me. Sure, that last sequence could be an argument against people making community courts, but WERE people making community courts? I didn’t see the urgency.

And then I talked to @mimeparadox. And as soon as he said that it was about factions and people playing by their own sets of rules beyond the justice system, it clicked. I’d been looking for Wackner’s plot to be a commentary on the legal system. It is much broader than that. It’s a commentary on the weakening of democratic systems (the Big Lie, etc.), more broadly, and Wackner and his common-sense approach are just a way to get liberal viewers to go along for the ride.

Now that I understand the point, or what I think is the point, I like this conclusion. Circumventing the system leads to chaos; that’s why we have institutions and bureaucracy, and I think the show is arguing that these institutions should still be respected despite their flaws. The many theses of this episode all come together to make this point (though the reality TV stuff is a little more tenuous and I'm a little shocked we got through all of this without any commentary on social media?): If we stop having a shared belief in institutions and instead follow individual leaders (whom we may learn about through reality TV), the rules will stop mattering and we’ll end up with a fractured country and widespread violence.

But, and maybe this is just about me being upset I missed both the obvious 1/6 parallels AND the point of the arc the first time through this episode (my defensive side feels the need to also note I first watched this episode at like 5 am when I was barely awake), I don’t know that I actually think this episode does a great job of driving its point home. There are SO many moving pieces to the Wackner plot and SO many references. There are so many threads we never return to from earlier in the season, and there’s so much that strains credulity (like Wackner taking Dr. Goat seriously for more than a split second). It’s pretty clear what the themes are—even though I’m saying I missed the point my first time through, I've hit on all these themes separately in past recaps and posts—but, I dunno, something about this episode just feels scattered. Maybe it’s all the moving pieces, maybe it’s all the moments where it sounds like the characters are voicing related ideas that don’t quite snap together to form one coherent picture, or maybe it’s that Wackner’s plot gets two endings (the actual ending + the coda) and it’s up to the viewer to put together how they relate.

I really don’t know. At the end of the day, I think there was a little too much going on with Wackner and that the writers needed to use the episodes between the private prison reveal and the finale to narrow—not broaden—the scope of what they were trying to do with Wackner. But I also think that what they were doing with Wackner was really, really smart and original. I don’t think I can overstate how impressed I am that the writers took an idea that sounded, frankly, awful when I first heard about it and turned it into something captivating and insightful that I was happy to spend nine weeks watching.

Overall, a few bad episodes aside, I thought season five was the strongest season of TGF yet. I haven’t seen this show be so focused in... well, maybe ever. Having two overarching plots that received consistent development and felt like they were happening in the same universe at the same time REALLY helps make season five feel like a coherent whole, and I can’t wait to rewatch it.

#tgf thoughts #the good fight

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wiypt-writes · 4 years ago

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Too Loose And You’ll Lose It

Ch1: GI Joe And Army Barbie Co-Written with @icanfeelastormbrewing

Intro: Following the Child Sex Trafficking job, The Losers all go their own way for a break before they are due back in Fairfax County. Stella is enjoying some quiet time with her mother.

And Jensen.

But, it isn’t ever quiet where he is involved.

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Jake Jensen x OFC Stella Stevenson.

A/N: So here it is! We’ve been waiting to bring you this one for a LOOOOONG time, and we hope we don’t disappoint. We can’t wait to dive into this fic! We pick up in 2007, roughly 2 years or so before the events of the Losers Film (in our head anyway) and we can’t wait to cram it full of adventure. Please let us know what you think with a reblog and a comment.

TLAYLI Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Prologue

May 2007

Stella and her mom sat in the kitchen of her childhood home in Manchester, New Hampshire. It was late morning one Friday morning, the day after she had returned home following debriefs at the CIA base in DC. It had been an emotional reunion, not having seen her mother for almost 8 months in person. They’d stayed up late with a bottle of wine before retiring to bed and after a lazy morning she had eaten a huge breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs, god knows how many rounds of toast and some decent coffee.

“Have you had enough to eat honey?” Her mom asked.

“Yup, honestly I’m stuffed, Ma. It feels good to be eating home cooked food for a change.” She smiled.

“Yeah, well, God only knows what you’ve been eating out there.” Julie mumbled as Stella smiled at her mom’s typical mother concern.

“So when are you due back in the office?” Julie pressed and Stella’s smile grew even wider at her mom’s name for the George Bush Centre for Intelligence in Fairfax County, the CIA HQ where The Losers would be based predominantly when they weren’t running missions.

“I have another week of leave. They gave me longer seeing as I was down there for so long. Clay and the rest only got a few days, much to Jake’s disgust, he heads back over there Monday.” Stella shook her head snorting “You know if he had his way he would be on permanent leave, drinking and watching football on TV.”

“He hasn’t changed then?” Julie grinned.

“Nope.”

“I bumped into his mom the other day at the supermarket.” Stella’s mom continued.

“Yeah? How is Janet?”

“She’s good.” Julie nodded “John has been building a new shed for the garden…or maybe it was a summer house. Either way, they were planning on having a BBQ soon when Gracie finishes school”

“Sounds good, have you seen them much at all recently?” Stella asked.

“We’ve got together a few times yes. Which reminds me….” Julie narrowed her eyes “She told me Jake has been back in the US now for 12 months. You tell him from me he’s gonna get a slap for not coming over to see me when he came back home to visit.”

Stella laughed “I’ll make sure he knows how disgusted you are in him, don’t worry.”

They sat chatting for a little while longer before Julie stood up to clear the plates, waving away Stella’s offer of help, as she always did when she was home. Stella headed into the lounge, picked up her laptop and opened up her browser, dialling into her military account. About 15 minutes later Julie walked in.

“What are you doing?”

“I got some paper work and stuff to sort, you know for the accommodation in the Condo that Clay sent me through.” Julie shook her head, “You know, Estella, I really wish you’d get a normal job-“

Stella sighed “Ma, don’t start…”

“You’re as stubborn as your father and look where that got him!”

“Wow.” Stella looked up, arching her eyebrow. “Nice. Good guilt trip.”

“You’re my little girl.” Julie’s voice grew quiet. “ I worry. And I miss you. “I know, but…this is my job. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.” Stella shrugged “But now, I’m home and…I’m not on tour all the time. I’ll be back for a week once very month and, well, you still have Rey, she literally lives 10 minutes away!”

Julie rolled her eyes “For all the good that does. She only visits when she wants food or to complain about something.”

Stella seized the opportunity to divert the conversation and she snorted “Complain about what? Which fucking sports car Richard wants to buy her next. Or because he doesn’t like whatever pretentious middle name she has planned for their first born?” Before Julie could reply they both heard the back door open to the kitchen and a familiar voice called “Yo, Stevensons…” Julie looked at Stella who rolled her eyes. “Speak of the devil…”

Jensen appeared in the doorway to the lounge, grinning “Oh, we’re you talking about me gorgeous?”

“No I was, and how you’ve been home on US soil for almost a year and not paid me one visit Jacob.” Julie glared at him, folding her arms.

“Oooh the full name. Am I in trouble?” Jensen grinned.

“Yes, you damned well are JJ.” Julie said, opening her arms “Now come here…”

Grinning Jensen stepped forward to give Stella’s mum a hug, pulling back with a yelp as she slapped him round the head.

“Shit, Jules!! What the hell was that for?”

“I told you! Your mother was telling me just the other day you’ve been back to Manchester now a few times and didn’t even think of paying me a visit?”

“Sorry Jules, been busy”

Julie narrowed her eyes “Busy doing what?”

“Wow. I really am in trouble huh.” Jensen shrugged. Stella snorted and Jensen looked over at where she was concentrating on the screen of her laptop. “What you doing Stel?” Stella let out a sigh at the same time her mother did, before Julie headed back into the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Jensen asked, watching Julie leave before he turned to Stella “Am I supposed to sigh now?” “I was just filling in the paper work for the condo.” She replied as Jake sat next to her “Mom still isn’t a big fan of me being in the military. Swear she still thinks I’m 10 or something.”

“Well I know for a fact you aren’t” Jensen flashed her his trademark goofy smile and Stella slapped his arm.

“Shut up JJ” “Ouch…!” Jake rubbed his arm “Stel, be gentle.” She rolled her eyes and he reached for her laptop “Ok, let me see…” he glanced at the computer “You know this thing is totally outdated?”

“It does a job, I don’t care.” “Speaking of jobs…” Jensen looked towards the kitchen door, “How about you and me…”

“Jesus Jake!” Stella looked at him as he grinned “Here, whilst my mom is home? You have issues.”

“Didn’t bother you 10 years ago…”

“Yeah, well I didn’t know any better, you’re living proof of that. And besides, I’ve grown up since then. You should try it.” “Hmmm, you know one of the perks of being Black Ops means we all get our own private digs in the Condo” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“I swear to god Jake, you’re a fucking nightmare.” Stella rubbed her temples “Why are you here?”

“Came to invite you to the Petunia’s game tomorrow. It’s been a while since we went out on a date babe.”

“A while?” Stella shook her head laughing. “Your concept of time measurement really amazes me.” Jake chuckled “So whaddya say?” he asked, giving her a goofy grin.

“Yeah why not?” Stella asked “Which girl wouldn’t dream of going to watch an under 8’s girl soccer game? Can’t believe my luck.” “Don’t be a whiny bitch!” Jake rolled his eyes “We’re meeting Pooch and his girl later in the evening for drinks.”

“Great, so now it’s turned into a double date.” She rolled her eyes.

“Why you being so grumpy Stel?” Jake frowned.

Stella sighed “Sorry Jakey…just..oh I dunno, I guess mom just pissed me off a bit that’s all. Bringing up my dad, suggesting I’m gonna go the same way he did.”

Jake pondered this for a moment before he took a deep breath. “You know she’s just worried about you that’s all.”

Stella smiled “I know…I know. Doesn’t help I can’t really tell her what I’m doing, other than running CIA tasked missions.”

“Come’ ere…” Jake threw an arm round her and she leaned into him, laying her head on his shoulder. “How about I help you fill that paper work out and then we can head and grab some lunch or a drink, whatever.”

“Now that’s actually quite a good idea.”

Jensen smiled and gently kissed her head. “It happens occasionally.”

Stella looked up at him “Guess it’s my lucky day then.”

“Well mine was like 10 years ago so guess I can say about time Stel.”

“Smooth…” she rolled her eyes and he shrugged, dipping his head and pressing his lips to hers in a soft kiss, but before it could go any deeper another loud voice rang out from the kitchen and Stella pulled away giving a groan.

“Just what I fucking need.”

Jensen grimaced at the sound of Stella’s eldest sister as her airey tone grew louder, before the door to the lounge opened

“Aww GI Joe and Army Barbie are back in town.”

“Fuck off Aubrey.” Stella looked up at where her sister was stood leaning in the doorframe.

“Hello to you too.” Aubrey rolled her eyes.

“S’up Rey? How’s Dick?” Jensen grinned at her. Stella nudged him, trying hard not to smirk

“You know full well his name is Rick, Jacob.” Aubrey replied with a bored tone. “You were at the wedding after all.

“Yeah…” Jensen mused “Still looks like a Dick to me.”

At that Stella snorted and he flashed her a quick wink. She loved how he always had her back against her sister and her snobby bastard husband. Aubrey merely rolled her eyes, she was well used to Jake and his quips by now.

“Yeah laugh all you want losers” and with that she left and made her way to the kitchen

“Well, she’s not wrong we are Losers.” Jake shrugged “Yeah but she doesn’t know, let’s keep it that way.” Stella sighed, before she shook her head “I don’t know how your sister is still friends with her, I mean out of choice? Really?

“Well, us Jensens are made to please.”

At that point Julie re-entered the living room “Jake are you staying for lunch or are you expected anywhere else to please today? I’m making lasagne.”

“Mom we literally ate breakfast an hour ago.” Stella looked up at her and Julie smiled.

“I know, but I’m making the pasta from fresh and have a few other things to do so it won’t be ready for a while. You two do your…thing and let me know what you decide. Rick and Rey are staying, he’s coming later so…” “Can’t wait.” Stella deadpanned.

“Please don’t start Estella…” Julie shot her a look.

“Anyway, change of subject…how is her shit soap selling?” Jake leaned back on the sofa and Stella snorted.

“Ask her, I dare you. I’d pay to see her face.”

“I’d do it for free if it makes you smile.”

“You two, behave if you’re staying.” Julie said sternly, pointing at them both.

“You gonna be pissed if we don’t stay?” Stella looked at her mom.

“I’ll be more pissed if you do and don’t behave.” The reply came back.

“Cross my heart Jules…” Jensen made the sign over his chest “Best behaviour. Anything for your lasagne.”

“Glad to hear it Jake.” Julie raised her eyebrow and then turned from the room.

“Looks like we’re staying then.” Stella looked at Jensen who merely grinned back.

“Sorry Stel, but you know I love verbal sparring with Rick the Prick.”

She snorted “You’re a bad man JJ” “I’m your bad man.” He winked.

Stella looked at him, cocking her head to one side trying to figure out what exactly he meant. As far as she was concerned he wasn’t after anything serious. Especially seeing he was the one that broke it off 8 years ago. Sure they’d fallen into the whole friends with benefits thing but it was no strings and all that…

She took a deep breath, cleared her throat and nodded to her laptop “So, er…forms?”

****

Two hours later they were still filling in the damned paperwork, Stella having a lot to complete…that and the fact they’d been distracted a bit by laughing and joking around, Jake showing her on Google Maps the location of a few good restaurants and bars not too far from the Condo to head to. They both looked up as Julie walked back into the lounge to tell them lunch would be ready in 20. They finished up what they were doing before walking into the Kitchen where Stella was greeted by her brother-in-law with his usual stiff hug, whereas Jake took great delight in pumping his hand up and down furiously, grinning at him.

Stella shook her head, smiling to herself as they all sat down outside in the garden, making the most of the nice weather, and began to eat. Richard was telling some boring tale from his office and Jensen was hanging off his every word, pretending to give a shit when Stella knew nothing could be further from the truth. He was merely waiting for his opportunity, which was handed to him a few minutes later by Rey who couldn’t resist getting the first shot in.

“Jake, how’s the army geek life treating you?”

“Great Rey, how’s the soap?”

Stella instantly choked on her water, and Jensen looked at her, patting her on the back as she recovered.

“Oh, it’s ok.” Rey waved a hand “I haven’t made much recently, been so busy with you know…other stuff.” “Yeah, that other stuff just keeps gettin’ in the way of…soap.” Jake shook his head.

“Are you joking with me now?” Rey narrowed her eyes.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Jensen shook his head. “In fact, I’m in awe of you. I mean it literally amazes me how you can make that stuff and sell it when you hate getting your hands dirty so much.” Jake swallowed a mouth of his food and grinned at her.

Rey glared at Jake “I wear gloves, ass-wipe.”

“You really don’t get irony do you?” Stella laughed, taking a drink from her glass of water.

At that point her mother caught her eye and gave her a stern glare, her earlier warning to the two of them to behave flashed across Stella’s mind but she was struggling to care. Her and Jake ‘Tag-teaming’ Rey and Rick was a well-practised art that the two of them had fine-tuned over the years, and it was the only time Stella ever felt she could get one up on her sister.

Rey looked at her and flicked her hair behind her shoulder “You may laugh but its selling really well. I’m actually thinking of expanding into a baby range.”

“Be handy for when we get pregnant.” Rick smiled at her.

Stella pulled a face as Jake grinned “You guys have that planned too? A designer little Rick or Rey on its way?”

Aubrey smiled and looked adoringly at Rick in a way that made Stella want to barf “Yeah, we’ve been trying.”

“Code for we’ve been fucking non-stop like Rabbits.” Stella mumbled.

“Estella!” Julie said sharply as Rey glared at her.

“Just because you can’t get your own relationship sorted…” she shot

“I’m not in a relationship, as well you know.”

“You sure?” Rey stared back at her, her eyes flicking to Jensen for a second. Stella felt herself grow red.

“Fuck off.”

“Ok that’s enough!” Julie said loudly “Can the pair of you just not stop this sniping for even one damned hour?”

Stella took a deep breath “Sorry Ma.”

Jake who had remained quiet, up until that point chipped up again, deflecting the conversation.

“Huh…” he pondered something before he pointed his fork at Rey “You know, if you’re trying to get pregnant it’s highly recommended to be in good spirits. You keep getting so angry and snippy at people, you’re gonna scare Rick’s little soldiers away. It’s a question of PH.”

Rey and Rick exchanged a glance whilst Julie looked down at her plate, coughing slightly, a smile flickering on her mouth, her admonishing clearly forgotten. Stella’s eyes moved from her mother to Jake and she mouthed ‘are you for real?’

Jensen simply grinned, shrugging, as Stella shook her head, trying not to laugh. She adored Jake when he was in full on playful mode like this. He was always full of random, stupid trivia that you could never tell whether was actual fact or simply made up for the sake of sheer, stupid comedy value and he could use it perfectly to diffuse a situation and divert attention just as he had done right now. The best bit was, that Rey and Rick were utterly oblivious to his tactic and were now looking at him, like his words were gospel.

“Where the hell did you hear that?” Rey asked.

“I read it in Nature…” Jake shrugged, taking another mouthful of his food.

“I’m impressed Jake.” Rick looked at him.

“Well, sometimes I’m more than just a pretty face Dick.” Jensen shrugged.

Rick blinked “Did he just-“

“Jules, I gotta say…” Jensen cut him off before he could finish, flashing Julie his best smile “This lasagne as always is delicious.”

*****

“Damned Stel…” Jakey mumbled to himself as she heads to car. Taking in her tight jeans that show off her ass and legs, her khaki green silk chami top which hung loosely off her frame, exposing her collar bone and her light grey jacket, set off with a pair of stylish Oakley Holbrooks with matte black frames and red iridium lenses. Her hair was pulled into a side braid which hung down her right shoulder and when she smiled at him he shifted slightly in his seat.

“You look nice.” He recovered himself enough to smile as she climbed into the car.

“Thanks JJ.” She turned to him, taking in his dark jeans and grey and blue button down. “No Petunias T-shirt?”

“Well I figured seeing as we’re going out afterwards I should make a bit of an effort.” He grinned, pushing his glasses back up his nose. Stella arched an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

“See your dad got a new car…” she mused, taking in the interior of the silver chevvy blazer before she grinned “Pity he got rid of the ford…”

Jensen smirked “Yeah, we had…good times on that back seat.”

Stella smiled and looked out of the window, before she turned back to Jake as he drove off up the road. “So who are they playing today?” she asked

“A team called the Oaks.” He said “I was checking their scores the other day, they lost their last 5 games so...” Stella smiled “You get far too invested in this you know?”

Jensen shrugged. “What can I say, I like soccer.”

Their conversation continued on the 10 minute or so drive to the Petunia’s home pitch, and eventually strayed to Jensen’s sister Jane before it moved onto their lunch yesterday and how Julie had given Stella a ticking off once Jake had left.

“You know Rey has been googling that PH bull shit don’t you?” Stella looked at Jensen as he drove towards the soccer pitches “And she’s realised it’s just that. Bull shit.” Jensen shrugged “I don’t care, she was being a bitch to you.”

“Well thankfully she left about an hour after you did yesterday so I didn’t have to put up with her for much longer.” Stella shrugged “Still, was long enough for her to keep talking about fucking soap.”

Jensen grinned “I think I touched a nerve?”

“No shit.” Stella grumbled “You know what she said? After all that about how well it was selling and them expanding the range, she told ma she only made $500 last month!”

Jensen laughed as he swung the car into a spot by the side of the road. “Yeah, that’s…not great.”

“I did point out that maybe the reason people don’t buy whatever shit she sells because they freak out at the ridiculously ostentatious name of the company.

“The Bath To Righteousness” Jensen grinned as they both climbed out. “Yeah it is pretty pretentious. Stuff like that needs an angle you know? These companies selling homemade, organic shit are ten a penny. It needs to be a catchy name, something punchy.”

“What would you call it?” Stella looked at him, slipping her arm through his as they headed over to the pitch The Petunias were playing on.

“I’ve got Soap, Bitches.” He nodded firmly. Stella burst into laughter. “Or Lick My Soap.” Jensen continued reeling off stupid names as they approached the side lines. “Soap In Your Hole…Hit Me with Your Best Soap…Slippery when Wet… Don’t Buy Soap, Won’t Be Soap”

Stella was laughing that hard she was struggling to breathe. Jensen grinned as her nose crinkled up and she let go of his arm, doubling over, clutching her stomach. “Don’t buy soap, won’t be soap?” she managed to stutter, wiping her eyes “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“It’s from an ancient Tibetan philosophy- don’t start none, won’t be none.”

“You’re so full of crap.” She snorted, shaking her head.

“Maybe I should eat one of those soap bars then?”

Stella began to laugh again and at that point Jake’s sister Jane appeared from wherever she had been and looked at the pair of them over her shades. “What the hell’s got into you?” she looked at Stella, a smile playing on her face.

“Hey Jane, What’s soap, I mean up.” Jensen quipped and Stella let out another loud howl of laughter. Jake looked at her, laughing a little before Jane shook her head

“I just can’t with you two…” Jane grinned and gave Stella a hug. “Good to see you Stel.”

“You too Jane. You look well.” She said, stepping back to take the blonde woman in fully. “Where’s Gracie?” “Oh they’re over there with their coach.” Jane said, waving her hand in the direction of the pitch “She’s been asking about you all day. Ever since Jake said you were coming she’s been so excited.”

“I can’t wait to see her either, it’s been like a year!”

“Oh she’s grown up a lot. You’ll see.” Jane smiled.

“Hear that JJ- grown up.” Stella looked at him. “Seems even your niece can manage it.”

“Says the girl that almost pissed herself laughing at the phrase slippery when wet.” Jensen eyed her over his shades and she shrugged.

“I daren’t even ask…” Jane looked at them both and Jensen simply waved her comment away.

“Oh we were just trying to think of ways to help Rey boost her soap sales.” He shrugged.

“Do I really wanna know?” Jane asked, “Mind you, she’ll probably chew my ear off about it all later.”

It wasn’t long before the teams head out to the pitch and the three of them took their seats on the small stand as they kicked off.

“I’d kill for a beer.” Stella mumbled about 5 minutes later.

“Well, I nearly bought some but thought better not. I got caught last time and fined- broke a by law apparently.” Jensen said, his eyes not leaving the game “Jane went bezerk. She’s kinda scary when she gets mad. Like you.”

Stella smiled and turned back to the game for a little while, until the Petunias made a break for goal, only to have the girl who was running through felled down by one of the Oak’s defenders.

“Oh look at that!” Jensen yelled, jumping up “Foul ref…are you blind?”

“Jake sit down.” Jane hissed, looking up at him from where she sat to Stella’s right.

“I’d say this is embarrassing but I’m used to it.” Stella shook her head.

“I swear to god behave or I’ll ban you for life.” Jane threatened him again as he continued to yell down to the pitch.

“Can you sit down please?” A voice came from behind them and Stella looked at the woman who was speaking “You’re blocking my view”

“For fucks sake…” Stella grumbled, reaching up with her left hand and yanking on his shirt “Jakey, sit!”

With a grumble he did as he was told and leaned across Stella to look at Jane “You soccer mums are a nightmare.” Jane glared at him, Stella remained focussing on the game, trying not to laugh. When Jensen moved to sit back she looked at Jane and mouthed “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jane shook her head “He’s far worse when you’re not around.”

“God help you.”

“Yeah there was this one time he was that bad Gracie stopped talking to him for an entire weekend. Poor Kid hadn’t been so embarrassed in her life.” Jane mumbled. Jensen turned to look to his right at Stella and his sister, frowning.

“What are you two whispering about?”

“You.” Stella looked at him “Now shut up and behave.”

“No need to be so aggressive babe.” He arched an eyebrow but obeyed anyway.

“Stella, can I hire you for like ALL the games?” Jane asked, nodding to the fact Jensen was, for once, doing as he was told.

Stella snorted, shaking her head as she turned back to the match.

As it was only a kid’s game, they only played 20 minutes either half. The first one closed at 0-0 and after a quick 5 minutes break they swapped ends and kicked off the second half. About 5 minutes in the Petunias broke and this time thanks to a great pass through from Gracie they scored. Naturally Jake cheering loudest. The rest of the half was uneventful and the game ended at 1-0. As everyone began to move, the three of them headed down to the side lines, Gracie trotting towards them.

“Stella!” she grinned, throwing herself at the woman. Stella grabbed her in a hug, swinging her round slightly.

“OMG look at you! You got taller!” she smiled, ruffling her hair.

Gracie grinned “I know. But it has been a while since I saw you.” She admonished Stella a little.

“Really?” Stella grinned “Doesn’t seem that long.”

“Did you see my goal assist?” Gracie asked and Stella nodded.

“Of course I saw it honey, you were great!”

“Alright, alight, favourite uncle right here.” Jensen said, gesturing to himself.

“You’re my only uncle, duh.” Gracie rolled her eyes.

“Well guess that makes me your favourite by default then.” Jensen shrugged.

Stella pat his shoulder gently. “You were brilliant JJ.”

At that Gracie gave a snigger.

They chatted for a little while longer before Jake said they needed to leave to meet Pooch and ‘future Mrs. Pooch’. Gracie wasn’t impressed at Stella going so soon and there was a brewing tantrum until Stella assured her it wouldn’t be too long before she saw her again. In all honesty, Jensen could have spent the rest of the evening watching his niece and Stella interact. He had to concede Stel had a way with children which contrasted with the focused military Captain persona who was now part of an elite black-ops team . Mind you, Gracie had known Stella her entire life. Granted, Gracie had spent more time with Aubrey, being as she was one of her mother's best friends, than with Stel and yet it wasn't hard to tell Stel was one of Gracie's favourite people in the world.

So after a vague promise to take Gracie out for an ice cream during the week she still had left of her leave, Stella managed to avert the tantrum and they said goodbye and headed back to the car.

When they got to Tandy's, almost half an hour later, Pooch and his fiancé were already at the bar waiting for them. Pooch stood up as he spotted them approaching and he pulled Stella into a hug before greeting and patting Jensen's back and introducing Stella to his wife-to-be, Jolene. They grabbed a drink and sat down, the 4 of them chatting for a little while. Pooch and Jolene told Stella all about their wedding plans, which sounded like a beautiful ceremony planned for the following year in Mexico.

Stella was asking the reason for their wedding ceremony being in Mexico when they finished their first round. Jensen, noticing their glasses were empty, stood up to go get another round, he had already had his share of Pooch's wedding plans for the past year, and Jolene excused herself to go to the bathroom soon after, leaving Stella and Pooch alone.

"So you enjoying the chance to be at home for a few weeks Arty?" Pooch asked her.

"It’s great being with my mom but she’s already driving me crazy, telling me I need to leave the army and get a good, normal job. She’d have a fit if she knew I was part of this Elite Black ops shit."

Pooch chuckled "Well, it’s not all undercover life or death situations. You know, Jensen ended up doing 2 months at HQ working on some online terrorist cell last year. Cougar has run a few sniping jobs too. I ran a couple of training ops with some troops in Canada."

"Yeah. Clay mentioned I might get a few normal jobs…" Stella nodded, as she fiddled with the coaster on the table.

"So it’s good to be reasonably close to home, you know? Well, I say reasonably close…still like a 7 and a half hour drive. Hurrah for Military Discount on airfare…or you can go via New York and take a night there.” Pooch shrugged “Me and Jensen done that a few times. Although keeping tabs on him in Times Square can be a pain in the ass…"

"Yeah I can imagine." she laughed.

"So, what’s your dad think about your career choice?" Pooch asked then.

"No idea, he died when I was 10." Stella shrugged.

"Shit, sorry." Pooch apologised, eyes wide open at the realisation of his gaffe.

Stella gave him a comforting smile. "It's ok. You didn't know."

"No siblings?" Pooch inquired and Stella could feel his wariness as he asked another personal question.

"One." she smiled again. "Sister, she’s…” Stella hesitated, trying to thing of the most diplomatic way to phrase what she wanted to say. “Well, she’s very different to me. Her husband is a Finance Director for Lockheed Martin and earns a ridiculous amount of money so she doesn’t work. Well, unless you count running an online Etsy shop selling home-made soaps. She’s friends with JJ’s sister although fuck knows how Jane puts up with her."

"I could ask you the same thing about Jensen." Pooch joked, nodding at Jensen at the bar and Stella smiled again.

By then Pooch had noticed Arty smiled a lot. She had a warm smile that made him feel comfortable around her. That and the fact she wasn't shy to talk about her life with him. He liked her and thus he was curious about what the real nature of her relationship with Jensen was.

"So you know his family as well then?" he asked.

"Yeah I’ve known them all since I was 11." she offered.

"That’s nice." Pooch nodded.

"What is?"

"You guys being so close since you were kids." he said, smiling.

Stella smiled at him again but it was now a mischievous smile "He told you how we met?"

Pooch shook his head "No."

"It was first week of middle school. I was walking to class and my bag split. He came over to help me pick up my stuff, smacked his head straight into mine as he stood up." she stopped to let Pooch laugh it up.

"He banged his head?” Pooch snorted “Yeah that…that sounds like Captain Chaos alright…”

Stella shook her head as she gave Pooch a nudge, stretching her arm over the table. "Don’t laugh, he was cute. A dork but cute. And he was a friend. My dad had only been dead 6 months or so and we had moved back home from Kentucky to be nearer our grandparents so I didn’t really know anyone. But, he came straight over when everyone else was laughing at me and he deliberately placed himself so no one would see me crying." At that Pooch saw Stella glancing over at Jensen, smiling softly. "Been hanging out ever since."

"So when did you two…you know…cross the line so to speak."

"He asked me out on my 17th birthday. I’d liked him for years but didn’t think he thought of me in that way. We dated through senior year and then we both went off to Norwich University for the ROTC." She explained.

"Oh, so you didn’t direct enter either then?"

"No. I talked to Clay about it and he suggested I do the ROTC so I could get a college education as well. I suggested it to Jakey and we both went for it."

"So, excuse my prying but why you two beak up? Seems like you were together for pretty much the most important decisions of your lives?"

Stella hesitated before answering. Although she didn't mind talking to Pooch it was the first time she explained her and Jensen's story to anyone. She hadn’t needed to up to that point, seeing as everyone she had met till then didn't know Jake too, bar their respective families and friends and they already knew what the deal between them was. Sort of.

For the first time Pooch felt like she wasn't that willing to answer. "Well, after the ROTC thing we both got our first overseas postings and, well, he suggested that maybe it was better if we called it quits before the distance tore us apart and we resented one another. I agreed. We stayed friends though."

"Friends with benefits, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that." she snorted.

Pooch looked at her. He sensed it was better not to pry more on the subject so he decided to change topics.

"So, you know Clay of old then?" he asked, remembering Clay had warned them she was like a daughter to him.

"Yeah he was in the Army with my dad. My dad was a major in the Screaming Eagles, you heard of them?"

Pooch nodded "The 101st airborne division, right?"

Stella nodded too. "Clay was first lieutenant in his command. He was killed when they launched the operation to cut off Highway 8. One of only 16 to die. Clay took it hard, he was literally right by dad when he died. A foot to the right and he’d have taken the bullet not dad, and he felt guilty for ages for not spotting the sniper but…either way one of them ended up dead. I mean, dad was only 45 when he died and Clay would have been…what, 28 or so at the time, maybe? Either way it’ no age, total waste of a life."

"You know, Clay never really talks about his past much but he did tell us once that seeing his friend die at the hand of an insurgent was what spurred him into the Special Ops. He wanted to get involved in tracking down terrorists, making places safer. Never knew who he was talking about though." Pooch offered.

"Well now you do." she shrugged "I expect it's painful for him to talk about. We’ve all been there, lost people …it’s hard."

"So that's why you joined as well? Your dad?" Pooch asked.

"Yeah. Much to Mom’s disgust. She called Clay, thought he would talk me out of it. I think his words to my mum were, and I quote “ I don’t stand a chance Jules, you know she looks up to Ian’s memory like he’s Captain America….”."

Pooch laughed out loud and Stella grinned. "Yeah she’s still not best pleased with him. And when I got stationed over in Iraq, well, I thought she was gonna hunt him down and kill him with her bare hands."

"You clearly made the right career choice though, I mean you made Captain pretty fast." Pooch stated with real admiration. “Just like Jensen did.”

"A lot of that was down to doing the ROTC and circumstance. Right place, right time…you know what it’s like in the field. They need commissioned, senior officers in Delta Force, I dare say female ones specifically to ‘fil the quota’ so to speak. I did my job well and…" she shrugged.

"From what I hear you’re selling yourself short. Clay speaks very highly of you. He was raving about this person on the inside for the entire time we were running that last op."

Stella smiled, after the conversation with her mother the day before and having to put up with her sister and brother in law's perfect life all over the weekend, Clay's words were like a balm to her.

"Good to know I’m doing something right."

Pooch was pondering Stella's words when Jensen returned from the bar with a couple of beer bottles and two deep orange coloured cocktails.

"Sorry guys, they had a new bartender who wasn't very sure about the best way to prepare a Sailor's Grave." He shrugged “So, this is for Pooch, this is for Mrs. Pooch and this one is for my girl…" he said, placing the drinks ceremoniously on the table, flashing a wink at Stella when he said the last part.

Pooch raised an eyebrow at Stella. The boundaries in Jensen and Stella's relationship, whatever that was, were clearly a little blurred.

Stella rolled her eyes before speaking "I’m not your girl Jake, not since you dumped me when you went over to Burkina Faso." She flinched a little as that came out slightly harsher than she meant and Jensen noticed.

"Ouch doll. Bitter much?" he frowned.

Stella took a deep breath but didn’t say anything. Worst thing she could do was encourage him, whether it was in favour or against, his attempts of flirting. Thankfully, at that moment Jolene returned to the booth.

"Sorry I took so long, I got a call from the office." She apologised as she sat at her place next to Pooch.

Stella seized the chance to divert the conversation and get Jake out of her mind and sight for a minute and she smiled at Jolene and asked “So what do you do for a living?”

"Oh I’m a paralegal for a local firm in Concord." Jolene explained before taking a sip from her cocktail.

Soon both women were engaged in a lively conversation as Stella continued to ask her questions, happy to keep her mind occupied and off all thoughts of Jake and the little tension earlier. Eventually, however, last orders were called and the 4 agreed it was time to go.

“Jolene seemed nice.” Stella broke the silence that had fallen in the car. “They make a nice couple.”

"Yeah, Pooch is a good guy and she’s a nice gal so…" Jensen agreed, hands on the wheel.

They both fell silent again, Jake concentrating on the road ahead. He was anxious and hoped Stella hadn't noticed, though they had never been so silent in a car drive. Something had been bugging him since that night in the barracks after the mission. The sex had been amazing, it always had been, but whereas they normally left it at that but now… well, being around their hometown, the place they had grown up and first started dated, going out and just doing things they used to do was sparking all sorts of feelings within him. Just an hour before, calling her his girl had just slipped out, and he’d realised from her reaction as soon as he’d done it that he shouldn’t have.

He chewed the inside of his cheek as he drove, trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing breaking it off 5 years ago. But he was also cursing himself at the same time, because being around her yesterday and today, in a normal environment, he realised that just as he’d told her that night after the mission he missed her. And not just the sex. But her. The difference being now, as he pulled onto her road, he realised he didn’t just miss her because he hadn’t seen her. He missed her being his.

His. That was his last thought as he parked up at her driveway.

"Thanks Jakey, I had fun today." Stella said, looking at him for the first time since they got in the car.

"Me too, Stel." Jensen said as he nodded.

And there was a silent pause as Stella digested the fact he wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were fixed on some point beyond the windshield.

"Ok, erm.." Stella spoke but paused to clear her throat. "Well, have a safe trip over to Base and I guess I’ll see you in a week."

He still didn't say anything, he only nodded in agreement. His eyes still not on her. So she opened the door, ignoring the lump on her throat, and made to leave when she felt him gently grabbing her arm.

"Stel…"

She stopped and looked at him. He was now looking at her, almost pleadingly, as he reached out, gently gripping her chin in his finger and thumb, his eyes bouncing across hers.

"Jake, I don’t think we..." she whispered but her protests died as he pressed his lips to her. It was a furious and needy kiss, his tongue harshly dominating hers, and when he pulled away he pressed his head to hers.

"See you in a week, doll." he said, his eyes boring into hers.

"Yeah, see you." she whispered, before getting out of the car

She looked back once to wave as he was waiting to make sure she got inside, as he always did. Once in she shut the front door and headed to the kitchen. Just as she turned around and took the first step her mom walked out of the living room.

"Not in a relationship, eh?"

"Were you spying on me?" Stella asked. Best defence is offense after all…

Her mother shrugged, a smile threatening to spread on her face. She liked Jake, she had always liked him and what was more, though she would rather be caught dead than admit to it, she liked him more than she would ever like Rick in a million years. But then, what was more important to a mother than their daughters' happiness?

Stella sighed. "It's complicated."

"Sure it is. Night honey.” her mother said and, after placing a kiss on her head, she left her to it.

Stella said goodnight and headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water. She uncapped it and leaned on the counter. It had taken her a while to get to a point where she could simply fuck Jake and leave it at that, but even then deep down she knew she had been kidding herself, fooling herself. He had been right in the bar before, she was bitter. Bitter that he had given up so easily when she thought they had something special. And she’d been that much of a sucker that she’d gone along with the whole ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement because the thought of not being with him at all had made her feel sick.

During the last 12 months they had drifted apart and even though she’d hated it at first and it had killed her, it had done her the world of good in that she had finally worked him out of her system.

Or so she thought she had.

Because here she was, less than 2 weeks of being back in his presence and she was already slipping back down that deep, dark hole. After that night post the mission they hadn’t been together that way, at all, but then the previous day he’d shown up and today he had taken her out, for what had been a really fun afternoon and evening, and it had felt just like old times.

Especially when he had kissed her like that.

Jensen was the king of giving off mixed signals, he always had been. Hell, it had taken her years to figure out he liked her that way. But they weren’t in high school anymore, and it was easy, far too easy to get swept back into something that meant more to her than it did to him. She knew she had to put a stop to it, because someone was going to get hurt. And that someone was likely to be her.

Lost in her thoughts she drained the bottle and tossed it into the recycling bin before running her hand through her hair sighing to herself.

“I’m fucked.”

**** Chapter 2

#too loose and you'll lose it #jake jensen x ofc #jake jensen x original female character #jake jensen #the losers

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wlw-in-space · 5 years ago

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✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*here’s another Rosa Diaz x R for you guys :))

prompt:

“If I was your girlfriend.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

this one’s a little longer than usual but i had so so much fun writing it like ahhh i got a bit carried away with the plot

warning: a lil bit of cursing

word count: 1,933

Rosa eagerly tapped her foot on the floor of the elevator as she waited for it to reach the floor of the bullpen. She’d gone off to follow a dumb lead and was annoyed about wasting time.

She was glad to see you sitting at your desk next to hers though, not that she would admit it. Your last few days working had been spent following a bunch of leads that had you out of the precinct.

Rosa knew there was something wrong. Recently you hadn’t been acting like your cheerful self. As annoying as Rosa claimed it was, she missed your daily personal missions to make her laugh or smile. She found herself being glad that the two of you were partners (in the field and at your desks).

She chewed the inside of her lip and glanced up at you for a few seconds from her desk before going to the kitchen, where Amy was making a coffee, “What’s going on with Y/n?”

“What?” Amy furrowed her brow, not expecting the sudden question.

“You know, you guys are best friends or whatever. Is she okay and all?” Rosa asked quickly, trying to get the question out as fast as she could.

Amy gave her smug look before speaking, “Uh, okay, well,” she lowered her voice a bit. “she’s been pretty upset lately.”

Rosa frowned a little, “Why?”

“I honestly think that’s something you should ask her, she’s kinda sensitive about it and I know you don't like feelings or whatever but it might make her feel better, and it gives you an excuse to talk to her,” Amy said before picking up her coffee and making her way over to her desk.

Rosa rolled her eyes and sighed to herself and decided to make herself a coffee while she was in the kitchen. She was kinda worried about you, which was super weird because that was really out of character for her, but maybe it wasn’t.

The way Rosa handled relationships worked just fine for her. She didn’t usually get crushes, she would just think someone was hot and once she decided she wouldn’t mind dating them she’d ask them out on a date to see if she wants to make it long term, and if they say no, she doesn’t get attached.

That being said, every once in a while there’d be a crush that would creep up on her before she could swallow her feelings and make a move, and she’d never experienced a crush as strong as the one she had for you.

Once she found out you liked girls it felt like she’d won the lottery. The detectives were at the getaway and you came up to her, completely hammered, and confessed that you were gay. Right after doing that you hugged Rosa and asked her out, but she obviously wasn’t going to take advantage of your drunken state, so she just laughed and said to ask her once you were sober, before offering to help you to your room.

That was almost a year and a half ago, and three months after that you got a girlfriend, so Rosa was certain you’d gotten over your little crush on her a long time ago.

So no, being worried about you wasn’t as out of character as it should have been. She knew she was going to have to talk to you, but she simply just didn't do well with feelings, and deciding to help you (or attempt to make a conversation about it) with something you were sensitive about would definitely involve feelings. Then again, maybe she wouldn't mind having feelings if it would help you. Rosa missed your bubbly and upbeat personality that always managed to make her day.

Rosa turned away from the kitchen, coffee in hand, and sat down at her desk. She tapped her fingers on the desk anxiously, which was annoying that she was letting this get to her.

After a few minutes had passed, a lot of people had entered the bullpen because something going on involving Jake and you were getting really irritated. You groaned quietly and picked up the case file you were working on before moving to the break room and closing the door.

Rosa resisted the urge to bang her head on the desk and got up to walk to the break room so she could talk to you.

You flitted your eyes up when the door opened, but you didn't have a reaction when Rosa walked in. You were just expecting her to grab a snack and leave.

She caught you by surprise when she pulled out a chair and sat beside you. Your forehead crinkled and you looked up at her with a questioning gaze, “Did I forget to give you paperwork for something?”

“What? No,” Rosa shook her head, realizing that her silence was probably confusing. “I wanted to talk to you, if that’s fine.”

Your expression softened and you nodded, “Yeah sure, what do you need?”

“I guess I wanted to know if you’re okay? I know feelings really aren’t my thing or whatever but it seems like you’ve been really upset lately.”

“Oh,” You took a breath and looked down at your work before offering a thankful smile. “Yeah, I’ve had some stuff happening that’s sucky I guess, but it’s not the end of the world, I’ll get over it.”

“If you wanted to tell me what’s going on that’s fine,” Rosa shrugged.

“Hmm, wow, Rosa Diaz is actually interested,” You teased.

Rosa rolled her eyes, “Shut up, I’m being nice to you.”

“Yes, I’ll tell you what’s going on, just not now.”

“Shaw’s tonight two hours after our shift?” Rosa suggested.

You nodded, smiling a little, “Sounds good.”

“I’ll pick you up at 8.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* fun transition ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You finished up your paperwork a little early so you talked to Gina for a while in the break room. Once you had a few minutes before your shift was done, you returned to your desk to pack up your things and saw that Rosa was doing the same.

The two of you got in the elevator together, you could tell Rosa had waited for you, and walked together to the parking lot.

You got in your car and waved goodbye to Rosa when you got in and she gave you a little smile from her bike before putting on her helmet and driving off.

It didn’t take you long to get ready, you just put on a red dress (that wasn’t fancy since you were just going to Shaw’s). The least you could do was look good, since you knew Rosa always looked her best wether she was trying or not.

She arrived soon enough and knocked on the door to your apartment, so you grabbed your small purse and opened the door, “Hi,” you smiled.

“Hey, you look really good, uh you ready to go?” Rosa took a breath as her eyes flickered down for a moment.

“Yep, let’s go,” You nodded, and stepped out, closing and locking the door behind you and chuckling when you saw Rosa’s motorcycle.

The drive was short, you didn't live that far away from Shaw’s, so she parked her motorcycle and lead the way inside.

“What are you ladies having?” The bartender for the night asked.

“I��ll take a whiskey,” Rosa looked over to you.

“Two shots of vodka, please,” You smiled softly.

Rosa raised a brown when you downed both of them, one after the other, when the bartender returned with your drinks.

“What?” You asked.

“Nothing, you just usually don't have anything this strong when we come with the precinct,” Rosa shrugged.

“Usually,” You emphasized. “I still drink every once in a while.”

“Yeah,” Rosa nodded and cracked her knuckles out of habit, “You ready to tell me what's bothering you?”

“I guess,” You sighed. “You remember my girlfriend, the blonde one?”

“Mhm, what about her?”

“We broke up in the beginning of last month. She kept getting really jealous when I’d tell her things from work about you or Amy or Gina, especially you though, because we’re partners and stuff, and I kept telling her that she didn’t have anything to worry about but she’d never let it go. I wanted it to work out, but I just couldn’t put up with it anymore and eventually I fell out of love with her, so I told her and she reacted pretty badly and kicked me out of our apartment so I’ve been living in Gina’s,” You sighed and looked up at Rosa before deciding you needed another shot and getting the bartender’s attention.

“That’s terrible, Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?” Rosa asked, feeling a little weird about how both Amy and Gina knew and it didn’t seem like you had planned on telling her any time soon, maybe you weren't as fond of Rosa as she had thought.

“I dunno, I know you don't like feelings so I felt like you’d want to be left out of this weird thing that’s going on,” You shrugged. “I’m sorry.” “No, you’re fine, I get it,” Rosa took a drink. “If I was your girlfriend I-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked with a smirk.

Rosa had a sly smile, “Don’t you remember on the getaway when you were hammered and you kept asking me out and I told you to do it when you were sober? If you would’ve, maybe we wouldn’t still be sitting here,” She finished saying before chuckling, playing it off as a joke.

Your smirk dropped and you rolled your eyes, “Not funny Rosa, that was so embarrassing.”

“What? I was pretty hurt when I realized only drunk Y/N wanted to date me,” Rosa teased.

“Not like you would’ve agreed to date me anyway,” You huffed.

“Seriously? Are you really that oblivious? You're like, the only person at the precinct who I like being around, which is gross to say, but it’s true. I’ve practically been drooling over you this whole time,” Rosa admitted.

“Wait really? Would you have dated me if I had asked you seriously?”

“Obviously,” Rosa took another drink.

“God, I’m such an idiot,” You groaned.

“A little bit,” She shrugged.

You shook your head and looked over at her before sighing, “I’m sorry.” “You didn’t do anything wrong, if I wouldn’t have been a pussy maybe we’d be dating, that isn't on you,” Rosa offered a lazy smile. “I shouldn’t have brought this up.”

You stayed silent for a moment, having a question you were itching to ask, but you knew it was risky, “If I asked you out now would you say yes?” You asked, chewing on the inside of your lip.

“Depends on if you’re actually asking, this isn’t -”

“I am, I want you to be my girlfriend, Rosa. I know it seemed like that was a one night thing but I promise you it wasn’t, you can literally ask Gina, she’ll be more than willing to tell you, she almost told you completely unprompted multiple times this week because she caught me staring at you for like, five minutes and she made me admit that I like you when we got to her apartment.”

Rosa sighed softly when she saw the genuine expression on your face, “I’d really like to be your girlfriend.”

“Really?” You smiled, “If you don’t want to you don't have to like, I totally-”

“Shut up, Y/N, we’re dating, don’t ruin it,” She laughed and leaned forward, kissing you, something she’d been waiting to do for what felt like ages.

#rosa diaz #rosa diaz x reader #rosa diaz imagine #brooklyn nine nine #brooklyn nine nine imagine #b99 imagine #b99 #stephanie beatriz #wlw #wlw imagine #amy santiago #gina linetti #jake peralta

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dungeons-and-dragon-age · 3 years ago

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About Me

Thanks @roguelioness and @best-of-the-vein for the tags!

1: Why did you choose your url?

Dunno honestly lmao it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I had no idea for a fancy name (I am. very bad at naming things) so I was just like. "dnd is cool. Dragon Age is a dnd based. let's go with that." and that's all there is to it

2: Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

This is my side blog haha. Decided to make it cos I was (and still am) very deep in Dragon Age Hell and didn't want to spam my main blog with my shouting about it and rambling about my DA OCs 24/7

My main blog (which is @layalu) I started getting more active on because I was getting really fed up with deviantArt (they overhauled the site about a year ago and it's even more of a mess than it was before), and while I'm still on there too it's mostly just for one single ARPG, and even that is slowly transitioning to discord/their own website so who knows. I mean knowing me chances are I'll stay there anyway lol because yknow, sentimental attachment, but I think the switch to tumblr is gonna be more or less permanent. For now, at least

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

I joined in October 2017 but wasn't really active until April this year. Made this blog around the same time too. Tbh didn't expect that I'd stay active for more than like a month or so lmao

4: Do you have a queue tag?

Nope, still haven't gotten the hang of queues lol. I did try a few times but it's still really weird to me?? Sometimes I'll draft a thing I wanna reblog later and sometimes I make a mental note to reblog a thing which I forget 60% of the time, but mostly I'll just reblog things then and there when I'm online

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Again, so I can have an outlet for (one of) my current obsession aka DA lmao. Didn't expect that I'd be this active, but the community is really kind and fun and that's what's been keeping me here. It's the first time that I've ever like. actually interacted with a fandom (usually I just stay in my own little corner and am very cautious about getting involved in fandom) but so far it's been pretty cool~

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I was really proud of that drawing and because I believe in Pink Flower Crown Bull supremacy

7: Why did you choose your header?

Originally screenshotted that loading screen in case I needed it for reference/lore theory notes later on and just thought it looked cool. Also the colours fit

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

https://dungeons-and-dragon-age.tumblr.com/post/651126014406197248/leliana-please-its-3am-people-are-trying-to this one (just barely beats the Bull one)! It blew up MUCH more than I expected, and I'm unironically glad that shitposts are are popular as ever lmao

9: How many mutuals do you have?

18 (about 12 are for this blog I think)~ I don't talk/interact with everyone yet, but yall are very cool! owo

10: How many followers do you have?

Almost 400 now, somehow??? Which is absolutely insane. I don't know how that happened and it's a bit scary because that is a lot of people (for me it is anyways), but I'm really grateful and flattered too!! <3

11: How many people do you follow?

61 :') I'm kinda picky about who I follow because I'm always very wary about how far I want to extend out into the reaches of the internet, especially in fandoms, and I'd rather have my small circle of people who I'm comfortable with. Much easier to stay out of drama and nasty places that way

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

Pff yea. I'm more likely to reblog shitposts than make them myself though because I'm not the best shitposter lol, but you better bet I love me some good shitposts

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

Depends? Probably comes down to like 1-2 hours most days, more when there's a lot of stuff to read or art to admire on my dash or I'm answering asks etc.. Usually I'll just check my notes every now and then in between doing things and maybe scroll through my dash, so I'm rarely on for long at a time.

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

Nah. I don't have enough reach/contact for others to come and start arguments with me luckily, and I try to stay away from drama and fights myself. I'm not conflict avoidant and will debate/defend myself within reason if need be but I'd still rather the need for that doesn't arise at all. I'm just here to vibe, not to fight. Also like. not getting into fights really isn't that hard lol. Plus, everyone's been super nice so far so I don't think I'm gonna have beef with anyone any time soon.

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

If you tell me "I need to reblog" I will not reblog on principle.

16: Do you like tag games?

Yea, they're fun! I'm always a bit insecure about tagging people myself (if I ever tag you and you'd rather not get tagged, please tell me!), but I always get excited when I get tagged haha

17: Do you like ask games?

Hell yeah! I'm not exactly a writer and I suck at explaining lol but I do still love an excuse to ramble! Huge shoutout to my mutuals who always send asks btw, you're awesome <33

18.Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Bruh I don't even get crushes on irl people lmao. I do really appreciate and admire my mutuals (and a whole bunch of people who aren't mutuals) though!! There are some I-think-you-are-very-cool-and-I-would-love-to-be-friends-but-you-feel-way-out-of-my-league kind of people though, if that counts haha

tagging @dumbassentity, @a-drama-addict, @nomouthtospeakof and @exotic-inquiry (again no pressure ofc!)

#about me #tag game #misc

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muthaz-rapapa · 4 years ago

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Let’s talk TroPreCure! (^∀^ 🌺)

i’m so stupidly proud of this dumb pun “tropurikyua~”, hahahahaha

Last post of the year and wow is there are lot to be excited for!

I even had to make a list for the stuff I want to talk about and I’m sure I already forgot one or two things but we’ll get to them as we continue to float~ along the wave to February 28th, mmkay? :)

Now for what has peaked my interest so far. And yes, we have to talk about the following first:

1) HealPre the shortest Precure season??

Unless they plan for double features in February (which I doubt but you never know), HealPre is likely going to reach only 45 episodes long instead of the usual 48~50 before TroPre I’m using this shortening of the title for now so if there’s a better alternative, tell me and I’ll switch out begins its broadcast.

Understandable because the producers probably want to get back to their normal scheduling as soon as possible (toy sales, y’know) and I suspect pushing the start of the new season back by a month is the most they’re willing to compromise.

As for me, I’m quite happy about this since HealPre’s lost its hold on my attention a while ago so the sooner TroPre gets here, the better. Though the downside might be a scrambled climax and a rushed, underwhelming ending for HealPre (I dunno if it’s January’s titles that feel a bit messy or if the hiatus is still throwing me off) but whatever. We’ll refresh ourselves with the new blood Cures so it’s all good.

2) Tropical movie announced for Autumn 2021, no All Stars??

(source)

First saw this mentioned on Youtube somewhere but it’s all over the fandom forums by now. I mean, HealPre’s movie is set for March, the usual time slot for All Stars release. If Toei intended for there to be an All Stars in 2021, there’s no way they would announce the seasonal movie before it so speculations of them skipping it this year are probably true.

To squeeze it somewhere between March and October-ish would force them to readjust their budgets as well and I don’t think even Toei wants to go through that extra hassle after all the trouble the pandemic’s caused for everyone already. It’s just easier to resume All Stars in 2022.

That, and I think Laura being a major character in TroPre despite not having a Cure title (yet) would make for an awkward situation when the three latest teams gather so perhaps that’s also one of the reasons. But I’ll get back to Laura in a bit.

3) Cure Summer is a RAINBOW Cure

So god help me if I see anyone calling her a Pink Cure.

Yes, she’s the lead Cure for this season. NO, she is not a Pink Cure.

Look, even the official website has a rainbow overlay for her profile pic and text font while everyone else’s respective theme colors are a solid hue:

Therefore, RAINBOW.

In promotional material and merchandising, they’re probably going to advertise her primarily with pink bah and at worst, she might occasionally be labeled as a White Cure with multiple subcolors (her outfit is not pink-dominant) but definitely NOT. PINK.

...also, this goes without saying but f***yea, we finally got a lead Cure practically and unabashedly wearing the LGBTQ flag and you cannot tell me otherwise, Toei!

Own up to it! Declare Manatsu/Cure Summer as the Precure queer icon!

I’m not gonna stop yellin’ until you do! 😠

4) Laura = obvious midseason Cure is obvious

First of all, Laura is a babe. I already love her the best and she’s not even Precure yet. <3

Anyways, the set-up is pretty much in the description. Important main character who’s not a mascot, stated to have a self-confident personality and just speaks her mind (oooh, I like~ :D), magical/foreign being from another world looking for Precure to save her home, possesses her own special item(s), has aspirations to become the next Queen (so she’s a princess-candidate or something to that effect, I suppose).

We’ve seen various combinations of these traits in past midseason (and a few starter) Cures so nobody should be surprised when we all guessed that one of the Cures would be a real live mermaid.

The only question is why not just make Laura a Cure from the get-go if she’s introduced to us at the beginning (like Hime or Lala) and having a team of five with no unnecessary extra add-ons later on (like Smile).

Well, there’s a simple answer for that: formula.

Toei is afraid that if they don’t spit out some new animation sequence at the halfway and third quarter points of the show, the kids will lose interest and abandon the series altogether. Which means failed toy sales. Oh nooo... [/sarcasm]

...Yea.

And this way they can also have Laura available in the Cure lineup for the next All Stars in 2022 instead of making her sit the fight out if we were going to have one in 2021. I’m convinced that’s gotta be one of the reasons. *shrug*

But ok, whatever. Her debut is gonna be later, that’s all. She’s a delayed Cure. Midseason Cure, same difference.

Moving along to the more important stuff now like what’s her Cure name gonna be, y/y?

Well, knowing Toei, a translation of the term “mermaid” into another language is the most predictable route even though we already have a Cure Mermaid. Not like that ever stopped them from repeating words before (ex. Cure Happy vs Cure Felice). Though if they do go down that road, I hope they opt for the Spanish/Italian “sirena” and not the French “sirène” because the latter sounds too close to how Cure Selene is pronounced in Japanese. And, putting it nicely, we all know Japanese pronunciation of foreign words is as off kilter as can be.

Hell, even the the Portuguese “sereia” sounds aesthetic as hell so it’d be nice if they can just remember there are other languages that exist out there besides Japanese, English and French when making the final decision at the writing table! *stomps foot* >:/

Alternatively, “nereid” or “naiad” are good choices too but they remind me too much of Greek myths and Laura’s from the Grand Ocean which covers more than just a couple of seas (Greece is surrounded by three, btw) so...

I dunno. But whatever it’s gonna be, she’s definitely got a strong association with water and her powers will probably be based on that.

As for theme color, since there’s noticeably no blue or green Cure in the starter lineup, it’s likely she will take up that spot when she debuts around ep 20.

Pink is also open since Cure Summer, again, is technically not a Pink Cure and Laura’s hair and tail fin are hot and light pink respectively but looking at Laura’s design and concept, does anyone seriously believe that?

Her upper torso consists of aquamarine while the body of her tail is definitely some shade of cyan, implying they’re aiming for somewhere around the middle of green and blue on the lighter spectrum.

And yea, I’m aware that green and blue are considered exchangeable in some perspectives with how close some of their shades are to each other but officially, I think Laura’s gonna be grouped with the Green Cures.

Cuz of the hair. If Laura’s gonna keep it the same or a similar shade after transforming, that is. The Blues have always had cool-colored hair so putting Laura in with them might disrupt that harmony whereas if you put her with the few Greens there are (including Parfait), she’d fit right in.

I mean, we’ll see but that makes the most sense, doesn’t it?

On another note, I just want to say that I love how they added frills to her arms instead of letting her elbows go bare naked. It definitely makes her look more like a genuine mermaid than if she didn’t have them (remember, half fish doesn’t mean half the body :P).

5) Magical Items

Frankly, I’m tired of seeing the transformation device being a compact again even though one of the main motifs is make-up this season. But at least, as far as Precure compacts goes, the Tropical one is my favorite cuz of how cute and delightfully colorful its toy version looks! So I guess I’m okay with it.

The Heart Rouge Rod, though? ...I dunno. I think it would’ve been fine without that...straw (?) jutting out at the top. It looks weird, doesn’t it look weird? :S

As for the collectible clip-ons, I can live without those for the rest of my life. Yeesh.

Laura’s items, the Aqua Pot and the Ocean Prism Mirror.

Again with the portable, travel-size housing. *sigh* 😩

Alright, I can let this year slide cuz Laura (I’m so soft for her, omg) probably won’t be getting legs for 20 weeks so she’s got to move about on land somehow. But unless they’re really thinking about turning this idea of carrying your apartment around in your bag/pocket/purse into a reality (cuz that would be effin’ awesome), please be more creative with your toys.

On the other hand, I’m much more interested in the Ocean Prism Mirror but from what Kusyami (the Precure merchandise reviews I follow on Youtube) said in his latest vid, this is the ED dance item so don’t know if it’ll actually have an relevance to the story or not. But I did hear him mention it having something to do with the Queen as well and since Laura wishes to become Queen, maybe it’ll be important after all? Maybe it’s her transformation device?

That’d be super cool. Let’s continue the trend of the midseason Cure having a different transformation item than the starters. Honestly, we should alternate every other year or two but we’ve gone three seasons with all of them using the same henshin gimmicks up till HealPre and I just want a break from that.

6) Fin sleeves??

These look so impractical for combat so maybe it’s exclusive to group attacks.

And/or a sort of precursor to the super forms?

*GASP* Does that mean they all eventually turn into mermaids? 🤩

7) Yui finally became Precure!! 😭

lol, it’s all crack from this point on so don’t take it too seriously but man, after Yuni’s deceptive braids, I thought I wasn’t gonna see anything that reminded me of Yui for a while and lo behold, Sango.

kehehehehehe xD;

Though Yui might be closer to Minori in terms of personal interests (fairytales and storybooks).

8) Akira, the actual Onee-chan version

I didn’t think this when I first saw her but once I read “Onee-san” in her profile, there’s no saving you now. Sorry, Asuka. 😅

Also, damn, do her sandals make her feet look big! Compare them to the heels she wears as Flamingo. Are they even the same?! lololol

9) ...this sounds awfully familiar...

Translation:

Tokimeku Tokonatsu! [Exciting/Thrilling Everlasting Summer!] Cure Summer! Kirameku Hoseki! [Sparkling Jewel!] Cure Coral! Hirameku Fuurutsu! [Flashing Fruit!] Cure Papaya!

Japanese reiteration:

Mallow/Mao: Pink no tokimeki! Lillie: Blue no kirameki! Lana/Suiren: Yellow no kagayaki!

….........

@Toei

Care to explain yourselves, punks?!

୧(ʘ ∀ ʘ ╬)

#it is 1:30 AM and im hungry and still have to do work on new year's eve so i'll come back to amuse-rage later #tropical rouge! precure #precure 2021 #cure summer #cure coral #cure papaya #cure flamingo #laura la mer

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