#this song is teenage angst central but i love it

[trillscienceofficer]

I can't see much of a future Unless we find out what's to blame What a shame And we won't be together much longer Unless we realize that we are the same

Ever fallen in love with someone? Ever fallen in love? In love with someone Ever fallen in love? In love with someone You shouldn't've fallen in love with

I regret to inform everyone that classic brit punk track "Ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've)" by The Buzzcocks is the perfect B7 song. I recommend listening to this cover by Le Butcherettes which is particularly apt

[ramp-it-up]

II Most Wanted Pt. 2: Pedal so heavy 

Pairing: Syverson x OFC Reader "Buttercup" (w/ Betty Bronco)

Summary: The feelings are getting real as you make a decision about giving Jake Syverson the time of day (or night, rather) at your 20 year reunion.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. RPF. S MUT, Angst, pining, fluff. Flashbacks, horny teenagers being horny (over 18 tho). Prom night, early 2000's music, mentions of sex acts, "Captain" kink, mentions of teenage pregnancy, divorce, breakups. The Powerpuff Girls, old automobiles, 20 year high school reunion, drinking, swearing. Reckless driving?

Read at your own risk.  Not Beta’d. All errors my own.

A/N:  This is the second installment of II Most Wanted. I'm in love with these two; they are bringing my writer heart back to life. If you like it, please reblog and comment.

I don't have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

Previous part here

-----------------

May 2024

“Well, now Buttercup, that’s a long story. I know you want to hang with your friends. And I don’t know what you’re doin’ later tonight, but I would like to go somewhere quiet and talk about it.”

When you heard that, you went into fight or flight mode. Rage, regret, and sadness all flooded your body at once, and Sy’s eyes flicked down to your dominant hand which was curling into a fist. A wry smile started on his lips, and then he straightened up and looked you in the eye as he started to speak again.

“Butter-”

You shook your head, which silenced him. Then you raised your chin, released your fist, and turned your back, walking toward your friends.

—---

Get out (LEAVE!)

Right now

It’s the end of you and me

It’s too late (NOW!)

And I can’t wait 

For you to be gone…

Carla and Tiffani followed as you fled to the restroom.

“Why did you even tell him I liked him? I blame both of you.”

You were hurt, so you brought up a 20 year old slight and lashed out weakly at your friends. You were trying to ascribe meaning to your emotions.

How could everything still hurt this much? 

Carla wasn’t having it.

“Unh unh. No. Nope. We were sick of you running your mouth all the time about how cute he was. And Jakey boy had heart eyes for you since the day you walked into school, despite Becca the Bitch. After they broke up, we had to put you both out of your misery. It had to be done.”

Tiffani was nodding her head in agreement.

You sighed.

“‘M sorry guys,” you sat on the bathroom vanity and smiled to yourself about your Powerpuff councils in the 3rd floor Central High bathroom all those years ago. Then you grimaced when you thought of Sy.

“I just… Can’t…”

“So what just happened?”

Despite your surliness, Carla was ready to go to war for you.

“He wants me to go talk with him, ‘someplace quiet.’”

“Wow. Your air quotes are kind of aggressive.”

Sweet Tiffani was also calling you out.

“Maybe you do need to talk to him. I heard what happened, and it’s kind of a lot. A hell of a story.”

“Tiff has a point. You forbid us to say his name after you two broke up…”

You interrupted Carla.

“After he found out Becca was pregnant, you mean..”

“...That is a part of the story you need to hear. She did him dirty. They split when he finished his first tour. He asked about you, but you were already engaged to Scott…”

You’d heard that Sy enlisted instead of going to State for football like he planned when Becca fell pregnant, but the bit about the split hit you like a ton of bricks.

But why? And what did it matter now? 

“Sy spent the better part of the last 20 years in Afghanistan, and I think it’s because…But that’s not our story to tell. You really ought to talk to him.”

“I don’t have to do-”

Your voice was a little shrill and you closed your mouth when you heard yourself. You stood in the bathroom awkwardly until the familiar beginning of a song wafted into the room:

“Teen drinking is very bad.”

Carla and Tiff started screaming the next line:

“Yo, I got a fake ID tho.”

The beat dropped and they pulled you out of the bathroom onto the dance floor.

One, here comes the two to the three to the four Everybody drunk out on the dance floor Baby girl ass jiggle like she want more Like she a groupie and I aint even on tour...

…..Everybody in this bitch getting Tipsy.

This was your thot song, and after a minute of standing there, fake offended by their dancing, soon you were shaking your ass with your lifelong friends.

—-----

Sy knew how much he was trying it when he asked you to talk, but he had been waiting 20 years for this chance. 

Tonight was the night.

And he wasn’t going to let the night pass without shooting his shot. But the truth needed to be told first. He hoped that you still cared enough to let it happen.

When you stared at him blankly, he started to sweat. He knew you lived your life since then. He feared that any feelings you may have had for him were over and done with. But then he saw your hand balled into a fist, and hope entered his heart.

Sy never shrank from a fight; hell, he’d started too many, but he never wished for someone to sock him in the mouth as much as you.

He wanted to fight with you. 

And he wanted to make it up to you. 

His heart dropped when you walked away, but he decided to let it ride and give you some space. After you disappeared into the bathroom with Carla and Tiffani, Sy ventured into the venue, ready to interact with others now that he had laid down the challenge with you.

—---

You were having a ball dancing with the girls until that song came on. You stopped moving, the hair raised on the back of your neck. When you turned you found Sy staring right at you. You’d managed to ignore him the entire night, but this song and his blue eyes were wearing you down.

I'd sure hate to break down here Nothin' up ahead or in the rear view mirror Out in the middle of nowhere, knowin' I'm in trouble if these wheels stop rollin' So, God help me, keep me movin' somehow Don't let me start wishin' I was with him now

You walked toward Sy, drawn to him as if on a string. You had that feeling in the small of your back as you stood before him, the one that you hadn’t felt in ages, and suddenly everything felt inevitable.

Just like it did 20 years earlier. 

—---

May 2004

On Prom night, you came out of your bedroom and Sy’s mouth dropped open. His eyes never strayed from your face as he murmured,

“You look amazing.”

You blushed and smiled while your mom ‘awwwed’ and went to get her camera. You approached your boyfriend and he took your hand to twirl you around as he appraised the rest of you in your sleek emerald green dress. When you faced him again, he was licking his lips, trying to make the look on his face respectable. You smiled because you could read his mind.

Sy didn’t flinch as your mom called him “Jacob,” and you didn’t have it in you to be annoyed as she took a couple of pictures. Sy’s hand on your waist and his thumb gently stroking the exposed skin at the opening on the side of your dress made you shiver in anticipation.

You were caught up.

Soon, Sy was loading your bag into the back of Betty, and pulling off, your mom having accepted your explanation of staying over Tiffani’s after going bowling with the group after the prom.

In reality, a bunch of the crew were renting a huge chalet in the mountains, 45 minutes away. You and Sy had your own room, and you were ready to give him everything that night. You were distracted, imagining having your way with him that night.

And Sy was right there with you.

“Y’know, Buttercup, we can just head on up to the chalet.” 

He cut his eyes over to you to watch your reaction. When you didn’t answer and just bit your lip, that’s when he knew.

“Our suite has its own bathroom with a shower in it. We’re definitely using that this weekend. Can’t wait to see you all soapy and wet. ‘S all I could think about in the shower tonight. Almost jerked off to the image, but I decided to save it all for later…”

Sy knew you too well, and had keyed into how you responded when he talked dirty to you. He was priming the pump for later.

You pictured Sy in the shower, his lithe muscles clenched as he fisted himself, made you suddenly need a drink of water. You cleared your throat and found your voice.

“We have to go, Sy. I spent so much time getting ready. And you look so handsome in this tux….”

You skimmed your hand down his lapel, down his torso to his thigh, and you quickly ascertained his situation. He grinned at you.

“You’re right.”

Sy winked, smiled and concentrated on the road while you tried not to be a slut in the passenger seat. By the time you reached the venue, you had yourself under control. He parked, then turned toward you. 

“Let’s have a good time tonight, Buttercup. Think you can keep your hands offa me for a couple of hours?”

You scoffed, and Sy took your hand and kissed the back of it, then turned it over and kissed your palm, smoothing the joke away because in reality, It was him who couldn’t help touching you.

“Don’t want to mess up your makeup right now… might ruin it later tho.”

You whimpered in his grip as he kissed up your arm and you tucked a long errant curl behind his ear. 

Sy’s eyes went soft and he held your hands in your lap.

“Y’know, we don’t have to do anything tonight. We can dance all night if you want to. Bowl the blue balls away.”

You laughed and Sy fell in love even more. You were so beautiful.

“I love you, Buttercup, and us having sex or not won’t change that, not one bit.”

You melted as you stared at your handsome fella. He was fiddling with your hand, and then you felt something cold on your finger. You pulled your hand back and saw the delicate white gold ring with a tiny perfect diamond in the center that had been his grandmother’s.

You gasped.

“Sy!”

You looked from him to his grandmother’s ring. You’d come across it the first time you were over his house, ‘studying’ in his room on a chilly November night after football practice. You were being nosy and looking at everything you could touch as he went to get some snacks.

Sy was embarrassed when he came back and saw you with it. You thought he was mad at you for snooping, but he wasn’t. He’d told you that it was just a ‘tiny little ol’ ring, not worth anything,’ and that no one would want it, but that his Gran had left it for him to give to his future wife. 

“But, I’ll propose to someone with a bigger ring than this.”

Sy’s denim blue eyes held yours for a beat. Your heart flipped. You didn’t know why, because you’d only been talking for a couple of weeks and this was the first time you were alone together. 

You didn’t know that Sy was repeating something Becca had told him when she turned her nose up at the antique when she happened to see it, and you didn’t care as you took the black box and sat down on his bed. You stared at the ring inside like it was the crown jewels, and after about 5 minutes of studying it, you looked up at him. 

“Well. I think this ring is beautiful and precious. The detail is stunning. Your future wife would be lucky to get it.” 

That was exactly when Sy realized that he was in love with you.

Back in the Bronco outside of the prom, you were in disbelief.

“What are you doing Sy….?”

All of a sudden, you felt too young for this moment. But after only six short months together, Sy knew exactly what you were thinking.

“Calm down, Buttercup, this is just a promise ring.” 

He kissed your hand again. 

“I know we're jumpin' the gun, and we're both still young.” 

Those eyes held you in a trance.

“But one day, we won't be.”

“Oh, Sy…”

“It’s my promise to you, Buttercup. I will love you ‘til the day I die.”

And it seemed kinda crazy. But you believed him.

—-

May 2024

I made it this far without cryin' a single tear An' I'd sure hate to break down here Oh, no

It was either the music, the dancing, or the alcohol, or all three that made your mind up, but you were ready to listen to what Sy had to say. 

Stephanie Prince, the class president, was calling the Homecoming court up to the stage, and Sy looked that way. Anger bloomed again inside you.

Damnit, Sy needed to choose you this time.

“You still wanna talk, Sy?”

Your body language that screamed aggression: the cocked hip, the crossed arms that pushed up your tits, the tapping foot in those heels, all made Sy soft on the inside and hard on the outside for you. When he answered you, his voice broke. 

“Ye– yeah.”

Christ, you had him weak. But he made a decision, found his strength, and grabbed your hand, pulling you out of the Marriott.

You followed him obediently, and that set him on fire. He stopped and turned around when he reached the Bronco. 

But he didn’t let go of your hand.

You two stared at each other in the late spring night air, stars winking down on you two.

“So where we goin’, Sy?”

Being this close to him again, and the feeling of his touch made all those 20 year old pheromones perk up again. Damn, this man. 

This huge, handsome, hairy man.

“Where do you wanna go, Buttercup?”

What your brain was doing was insane, so you just kept silent.

Becoming mute was one of your tells. Sy was elated that maybe you wanted him, at least physically. He was so thirsty for you.

“Hm.”

Sy grunted, straightened up, loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt, all while still holding your hand. It was like he didn’t want to let you go. 

And he didn’t.

“Tell you what. Let’s take a spin in Betty. See what’s up in the ol’ town.”

Your eyes flicked toward the truck, and you knew it was dangerous.

But you were grown now. 

And so was Sy.

Sy led you around to the passenger side door to help you up into the high profile vehicle, leaning over you to buckle you in, only releasing you to put his hand on the door.

“I can’t believe you still have her,” you whispered, indicating the Bronco. “How is she still the exact same condition?”

“She’s been in storage for the better part of 20 years. Thought about her everyday though.”

Sy was looking at your lips, and the memories came flooding back.

“I bet she missed you.”

Sy cocked his head and his tongue darted out to moisten his lips. His voice came out gruff and he had to clear his throat again. 

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, Sy.”

Any smooth line was lost as his brain short circuited with the concentration it took to not kiss you right now. 

“Well, we’re about to have some fun together again, you, me, and Betty. Sit tight, pretty lady.” 

Your cheeks heated at the compliment.

“Ok, Captain.”

Sy actually blushed, shook his head and closed the door, leaving you to breathe in the old leather smell of the Bronco with your eyes closed, conveniently leaving him to pump his fist behind the car unseen by you. 

He got back in the car, jacket off. And he leaned near you to place it on the back seat, you got a whiff of him, the familiar cologne adding another dimension to your roiling senses.

When you opened your eyes, you witnessed him rolling his shirtsleeves up his forearms. He caught you ogling him and you gulped and crossed your own arms and legs, angling yourself to look out of the open window.

Sy looked over at you closing yourself off from him, then smashed the gas to make sure that you'd squeal and grab his arm like the good ol’ days as he peeled out of the parking lot, pedal so heavy like you were the two most wanted criminals in town.

—---

Hit reblog if you like it!

Next part Here

[unproduciblesmackdown]

more summer stock review quotes from ones i looked up b/c the goodspeed instagram posted excerpts (though there's some secret middletown press one that i guess was/is print only). emphasis added by me for the queer agenda which is the whole focus of my excerptions, but the whole review is informative & fun

Jane’s principal suitor, Orville Wingate II, turns out to be a talented musician who is ostensibly gay, and his father, a banker, has been transformed into his mother, a penny-pinching land hoarder. [...] Gloria and Jane are played by Arianna Rosario and Danielle Wade, respectively. The two share resemblance and physical possibilities, but their characters are so very different that the plot begins to make sense when Gloria quits as the lead and later re-emerges as a show producer. We are shown that she has the same sort of initiative as Jane has about the farm. I think this is a brilliant stroke of invention by Steinkellner. [...] Jane’s first-grade sweetheart, Orville Wingate II (Eddie Bracken in the movie), is played by Will Roland, who delivers an interesting performance as the overwhelmed son of a tyrannical mother who ultimately shows his mettle and makes a move on the show’s composer and arranger, Phil Filmore (Phil Silvers in the movie), played by Gilbert L. Bailey II. The two men are delicious together, singing and dancing duets as their friendship grows first into a professional arrangement and then turns into who-knows-what. The production allows them to discover that “This is their Lucky Day.” A third romantic relationship comes about when Orville’s hideous mother, divinely played by Veanne Cox, reveals a secret passion for a Shakespearean actor who has been blackmailed into taking the lead in Joe Ross’s musical extravaganza.

[source]

and some bonus fun quotes here lol

Love, of course, ensues between the central characters as the question of will the show go on pulsates throughout the troupe.  Catastrophe is averted at the last moment as sorted couplings work themselves out to produce…ta da…the requisite happy ending. [...] Will Roland, the archetype of teenage angst in the original Broadway productions of Dear Evan Hansen and Be More Chill, is a joy as Margaret’s coddled, frumpy, and good-hearted son Orville.

[source]

(also via that first review i'm presuming i was one song off with This guess, and that the piano number between orville & phil is "lucky day" as is suggested. time to listen to it. right then so instead of the song abt banger music and dancing to it with your little sweetie, it's the song all about how lucky you are b/c you're so happy b/c Then Of Course You Happened Along, not framed around anything else lol. hell yeah)

[talbottoresnick]

“HOMELAND OF THE GODS” By Grace Gemma Doherty * California, homeland of the Gods Once I found my way but now I am lost From the song “Nectar of the Gods” by Lana del Rey ** At the end of my seventeenth year, I left California with a toothache. My mouth was sticky with the red of teenage angst. My molars throbbed from the sublime sweetness.

I grew up between the central coast and Los Angeles to its south. I resented California and her picturesque perfection. I was young and bitter, and she made me feel so utterly mediocre.

I fled east and tried my best to ignore the growing lump in my throat.

A few years have passed. I have grown older and softer.

This project is an attempt to embrace the sacred sweetness that lives in the land that raised me. It was compiled over a week in late November, the time of year when California becomes something so idyllic it’s almost eerie. These images chronicle the physical, grand, Californian spaces and landscapes that I recognize as familiar, and understand as home.

This is an attempt at a love letter to my home, one that has only been made possible with distance and age and a little bit of longing.

[cleoenfaserum]

THE HIDDEN CITY OF SEATLE, and the destruction of its NIRVANA

Washington State has always been a mystery to me. In my imagination, it was something so foreign as someone lost in the forest before freezing to death. It conjured up in my psychic absurdity. It was how I felt about the place in my teenage years in Canada. But Seattle was only a name in a State with lots of crazy gringos running around with no distinct character I could sum up, like a faceless person you only heard about.

814-1 https://youtu.be/OgeR2oqZGTs

Marcus Sakey somehow grounded out a spark. However, it was a TV detective series, THE KILLING, that gave me a sense of Seattle. It was an excellent series, sometimes a little bit dragged out, but good and tense which kept you wondering all the time with an unsuspecting denouement. You can see the series at: The Killing Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot Full HD online MyFlixer (myflixerz.to)

814-2 https://ok.ru/video/4400405744175

It is difficult to sumareis stories in such a way that you seem to get the whole picture in the briefest of time. Sakey does this second to none.

814-3 https://youtu.be/tAGnKpE4NCI

Kurt Donald Cobain (February 20, 1967 – c. April 5, 1994) was an American musician who was the co-founder, lead vocalist, guitarist and primary songwriter of the rock band Nirvana. Through his angst-fueled songwriting and anti-establishment persona, Cobain's compositions widened the thematic conventions of mainstream rock. He was heralded as a spokesman of Generation X and is highly recognized as one of the most influential alternative rock musicians.

814-4 https://youtu.be/PbgKEjNBHqM

Cobain formed Nirvana with Krist Novoselic and Aaron Burckhard in 1987 and established it as part of the Seattle music scene that later became known as grunge. After signing with DGC Records, Nirvana found commercial success with the single "Smells Like Teen Spirit" from their critically acclaimed second album Nevermind (1991). Although Cobain was hailed as the voice of his generation following Nirvana's sudden success, he resented this, believing his message and artistic vision had been misinterpreted by the public. In addition to "Smells Like Teen Spirit", Cobain wrote many other hit songs for Nirvana, including "Come as You Are", "Lithium", "In Bloom", "Something in the Way", "Heart-Shaped Box", "All Apologies", "About a Girl", "Aneurysm",[1] and "You Know You're Right".

814-5 https://youtu.be/hTWKbfoikeg

During the last years of his life, Cobain struggled with a heroin addiction and chronic health problems such as depression. He also struggled with the personal and professional pressures of fame, and he had a tumultuous relationship with his wife, fellow musician Courtney Love. In March 1994, Cobain overdosed on a combination of champagne and Rohypnol, and he subsequently entered an intervention and underwent a detox program. On April 8, 1994, Cobain was found dead in his Seattle home at the age of 27; police concluded he had died on April 5 from a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head.

814-6 https://youtu.be/3_5mTTEF0qQ SOME BACKGROUND: https://youtu.be/zeH7gqoSUOQ

Cobain was posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, alongside Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic and drummer Dave Grohl, in their first year of eligibility in 2014. Rolling Stone included Cobain in its lists of the 100 Greatest Songwriters of All Time, 100 Greatest Guitarists, and 100 Greatest Singers of All Time. He was ranked 7th by MTV in the "22 Greatest Voices in Music". In 2006, he was placed 20th by Hit Parader on their list of the "100 Greatest Metal Singers of All Time".

814-7 https://youtu.be/pkcJEvMcnEg

REF: 814 NOTES

I don't usually include other themes with the central topic I deal with, though I have done on several occasions. The series "THE KILLING" is, as far as I am concerned, worth the mention. I have included the following review of the show and the link to the pilot episode of season 1 episode 1. I thought the acting was great.

814-8 https://youtu.be/e5Lz4_VB5Tw

The Killing Season 1 Episode 1: Pilot Full HD online MyFlixer (myflixerz.to)

[jungk0oksthighs]

Over The Odds | Best Friend pt.2 

Pairing - jungkook x reader 

Genre - smut, angst, fluff, S2L, love triangle, ceo!jungkook, sugardaddy!jungkook 

Word count - 1.9k

Drabble 5 - Jungkook and Taehyung have a drink 

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex 

FULL SERIES COLLECTION 

“What are you doing here I thought you were supposed to be in Bora Bora?” Taehyung quirks a brow at Jungkook, who stands on his doorstep wearing all black oversized loungewear.

“Can I come in?” Jungkook looks agitated, earning his best friend to step to one side and grant him access to his living space.

Taehyung owns a townhouse in central London, just off the popular shopping destination amongst tourists – Oxford Street. Taehyung is a self-proclaimed shopaholic and so when the house was first put on the market he snatched it up before any other potential buyers even had the chance to view it. It’s perfect for him, decorated brightly, the polar opposite to Jungkook’s place – it’s light yet busy, expensive artwork adorns each and every wall along with eccentric ornaments that litter the entire property.

“What happened?” Tae closes the front door, following his best friend into his kitchen. Something’s definitely wrong.

“You got anything to drink?”

“What the fuck is going on man?” Taehyung looks visibly taken aback, it’s not even 7PM and Jungkook isn’t usually one to indulge in a night of drinking, wanting to remain in control of his body and subsequent actions at all times. He’s been an organised control freak his whole life.

“I need a drink if we’re gonna talk about this.” Jungkook sighs, slicking his hair back with both hands as he sits down.

Taehyung nods, entering the code into the hidden kitchen safe where he stores his alcohol – his younger siblings visit often, this safe was his insurance that they would remain sober throughout their stay, you can never be too careful where teenagers are concerned in his opinion. He grips an expensive bottle of bourbon from the highest shelf and quickly gets to work on pouring two glasses, sliding one across the breakfast bar where Jungkook eagerly catches it.

“It’s Y/N isn’t it?” Taehyung hums, taking a sip of the aged alcohol, leaning against the wooden countertop. He’s wearing purple gym clothes, he’s not usually one for working out but recently it’s helped him blow off a lot of steam.

“Yup.” Jungkook downs his drink in one, grimacing at the burning in his throat that follows. “That’s good, where’s that from?”

“Dunno.” Taehyung shrugs with a boxy grin, “Think you gifted it to me last Christmas.” He pours him another drink and slides it over.

“Ah, I have good taste.” Jungkook smiles for the first time since setting foot in the townhouse.

Tae raises his brows as he watches the other man guzzle yet another full glass of bourbon, “Speaking of your good taste, what happened with her?”

At this Jungkook’s jaw tightens, “Pour me another one of those please.”

“Fuck me, haven’t seen you drink this much since university.” His friend shakes his head but pours him another drink all the same, growing all the more concerned by this bizarre behaviour.

“Thanks.” Jungkook exhales, deciding to sip at this one rather than down the whole lot. There’s a song playing on the radio that reminds him of you and he closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself for this conversation – he hates these types of talks with a burning passion, but he knows that Taehyung is the only person in the world that will put it to him exactly how it is.

“Go on, give it to me.” Tae gestures with his hands as he reads his mind, settling on the bar stool opposite.

“Don’t make me say it.” Jungkook whines with a small pout, his cheeks suddenly warm from the alcohol.

The other man laughs, taking another sip of his own drink, “She’s not here yknow, you can stop acting like a tough guy.”

“I am a tough guy.”

“Then why are you at my house? Drinking bourbon at,” He pulls his phone from his sweatpants to check it, “6:37PM.”

Taehyung’s curiosity is no surprise to Jungkook, he never does anything like this. But the expression on your face when you both landed back in London is what forced him here, the awkward aura you gave off when he kissed you goodbye. He fucked things up by mentioning the contract at all, anxiety took over his jetlag and that’s when he found himself here.

“I…” He gnaws his lower lip, his body’s final attempt to keep this to himself, “Do I really have to say it?”

“Why are you being so weird?” Tae laughs, exposing his perfectly straight white teeth, “Come on man it’s me, you can say it. I won’t tell a soul.”

Jungkook sighs, rather dramatically in Taehyung’s opinion, and looks at the floor.

“I like her, okay?” He groans, “I think one day I could even love her.”

“Mmm.” His friend nods slowly and understandingly, even though he’s never in his entire life heard Jungkook speak those words about anybody, not even his own parents, he folds his arms across his chest as he fights the urge to say ‘I told you so’ and settles for something less smug, “Have you told her?”

A sudden puff of air rips from Jungkook’s nostrils, he’s smiling at least, “I tried to, but…” He’s laughing now, almost in disbelief, “She fell asleep.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah I know.”

“You couldn’t tell her on the plane back? Private jet, no phone interruptions, above the clouds… It’s kind of romantic in a way.” Taehyung’s mind wanders somewhere unknown, zoning out of conversations is a bad habit of his that he swears he’ll get better with eventually.

“Um,” Jungkook laughs again, fiddling with his silver hoop earrings, “No we were kinda busy.”

Tae chuckles, “You animals.” He downs his drink and begins to pour another, “Well, I have a piece of information that you should know, since you’re finally admitting you pretty much love her.”

“If you’re gonna tell me I’m an idiot and that you knew that this was gonna happen all along then I’d rather not-“

“Her ex-boyfriend Namjoon,” Taehyung cuts him off with a raised digit, “Jimin and I bumped into him at Black Swan over the weekend-“

“You were hanging out with Jimin?”

His best friend sighs, choosing to ignore the surprise in his tone, “Do you want me to finish my story or not?” Taehyung’s brows are raised, eyes wide.

“Namjoon, the doctor,” Jungkook nods as he pictures your ex in his mind, sipping his drink, “Carry on.”

Clasping his hands together loudly Taehyung smiles triumphantly, “He was at Black Swan after his shift at the hospital, and he and Jimin got talking, so obviously I listened to every single word to prepare for this conversation because I knew something was sus from the get go.”

“Okay, and?”

“Just don’t shoot the messenger.”

“Tae.” Jungkook warns his friend, growing impatient.

“He still loves her, he’s down bad for her man… Wants her back.”

A cocktail of jealousy and rage courses through Jungkook’s veins, he fucking knew that Namjoon regretted leaving you, he could tell by the look on his face at the hospital. He wants you back? Jungkook scoffs, shaking his head. Namjoon is a doctor, he’s probably a lot smarter than he is, especially since he went to medical school… For the first time in his life Jungkook feels threatened. He doesn’t like it, especially where you’re concerned.

“Gets better.” Taehyung clicks his tongue, “He knows Jennie, yknow the model you had a thing with? And she-”

“He can have Jennie I never cared about her anyway, he’s welcome to her.” Jungkook looks confused, wondering why this part of the story is even relevant.

“Let me finish Guk, it seems that Jennie has told him about the arrangement you had together, the whole sugar baby sugar daddy you explicitly used her for sex. Do you see where this is going?”

“Not really, no. We fucked less than ten times in two months, it’s hardly something to brag about. I’ve had sex with Y/N more times in the past three days alone.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, he knew you and Jungkook liked to fuck a lot but somehow he’s still surprised, “Namjoon knows you’re a sugar daddy. He suspects that’s what you’ve got going on with Y/N, and he doesn’t approve.” Taehyung strokes the stubble on his chin, watching the other mans reaction carefully.

Jungkook frowns, “What so I need her ex boyfriend’s approval now?” He scoffs again with dark features, though from Taehyung’s point of view he looks awfully green with envy, “Doesn’t that go against the NDA? Jennie telling him-”

“He’s a medical professional, she could’ve gone to him concerned about STI’s and confided in him about her sexual partners, wouldn’t uphold in court. It’s not like she’s told any news outlets or anyone else for that matter. It’d draw more attention to it if we tried to sue, trust me. You’re missing the point man, Namjoon loves Y/N and has reasonable grounds to assume your relationship with her is fake.”

“But it’s not.” Jungkook swallows, “I… I can’t believe I’m saying this but-, Tae… I want to love her.”

“You’d better hurry up and tell her that then, before Dr Kim swoops in and tries to steal your girl.”

Jungkook, the man who explicitly told you not to love him is finally ready to be loved, and Namjoon, the man you once loved, is desperate for a second chance. Jungkook groans, throwing his head in his hands, he doesn’t know if you still have feelings for Namjoon, but your awkwardness as soon as he mentioned the contract suggests that his feelings for you may not be reciprocated. He’s fucked.

“You know what I say to this?” Taehyung raises his glass, forcing Jungkook to do the same in a somewhat cheesy toast. 

“What?” He sighs, he hates how dramatic his best friend can be at times. 

“May the best man win.” 

“Are you serious? This isn’t a fucking game man have you even been listening to me I-” 

“Okay, okay fine you’re right that was too much. I’m sorry. It’s just weird hearing you say that you love someone.” Taehyung rolls his eyes, a playful smile tugging his lips as he attempts to redeem himself.

“To the girl who stole my best friend’s heart.” 

“Just stop, you’re so cheesy,” Jungkook chuckles as he points to the other man with a serious face, “You’re done.”

“No wait I’ve got it! This one is perfect.” 

Jungkook waits expectantly with a bright smile, he can always count on Taehyung to cheer him up and make things clearer. It’s moments like this that prove just how strong their friendship is. He showed up without any warning and Taehyung kindly took him with little questioning, didn’t even give him a hard time over the fact he’d been saying for weeks that he knew this would happen. Tae is the only person in the world he can truly let his guard down for, though he’ll never admit it he appreciates him so much.

“Go on, third times the charm.” 

“Fuck Namjoon.” Taehyung clinks his glass against Jungkook’s with features contorted in some kind of comical pride.

“Yeah, fuck Namjoon.”

x

[geordiewrites]

Hey i just read exile inspired fic and it is soo good. I think you should write one based on the song tolerate it by ts? With harry plz. The drama, fight, tears.. I think you will reflect the emotion so well omg.

Tolerate It | Harry Potter

A/N: Hi lovely! First off, I adored this request so much and I really hope I’ve done it justice. Tolerate It is such a beautiful song and defo one of my favourites off of Evermore to cry to, there’s just so much detail hidden within the lyrics and I adore that. Harry too!! There’s not enough stuff for Harry, so I hope I’ve done well for you! ( Also this is super short, but I’ve been swamped with coursework xox )

Summary: Y/N is in love with The Boy Who Lived, and due to marry him in the Spring with a beautiful April wedding. Friends to lovers to that engaged couple who are just too in love to function, they share the most perfect story. But when Y/N begins to see their relationship for what it is, her entire world is thrown off key...

Warnings: angst and lots of it, loneliness, sadness, swearing.

~

“You’re coming home tonight, right?” Y/N asks, excitement and anticipation heavy in her tone, cherry red nails clicking against the cold metal of the answerphone.

“Of course, I’ll be back soon, love.” Harry Potter, her beloved fiancé, answered back on the other side from his workplace all the way in central London. His office is almost empty, devoid of any homely photos or colleagues: they had all gone home to their families long ago, and yet he stayed behind. He had no work to finish, no cases glaring to be solved. There was nothing to do but leave, but Harry didn’t.

“You’ve said that before.” Y/N pointed out blandly, her forced smile fading slightly. Many times had Harry said he was on his way home, only to send a letter the next morning apologising for suddenly getting swamped with unavoidable paperwork. “Please come home Harry, I’ve even made your favourite for dinner.”

“That sounds good, I promise I’ll be there soon. I’m just leaving the Ministry now.” Harry replied monotonously, not sounding nearly as happy as Y/N wished he would. Perhaps he had just had a bad day at the office, he must have done. But he had just one too many bad days now, and the reality that he might not want to see her was beginning to sink in.

Shaking off that horrible thought, Y/N inhaled a sharp breath and chewed the edge of her top lip. “Alright, if you say so. I’ll see you then.”

“Bye.” Harry said shortly before putting the phone down and staring at his office, desperately trying to find a reason to stay at work. He did love Y/N, he did. Heck, he had even asked her to marry him and kissed the edge of her lips as they set the date. And then postponed it. And then postponed it another year after that, all because of some urgent work that Harry had suddenly come across. He was just so young, forced to grow up so quickly he didn’t even have time for a scrap of a childhood. Maybe that was why he didn’t want to see Y/N, why going home to their apartment often felt like a chore.

Back at their cosy flat in the nicer part of Greenwich, Y/N put the phone down after hearing an abrupt beep on the other end that let her know he had hung up. She sighed before walking over to a tall cabinet that stood to the side of their kitchen, taking out a set of nice china plates her Grandmother had left her and crystal wine glasses. It was the lovely cutlery only used for things like Christmas and obligatory dinner parties her family forced her to hold.

After setting it out on the table, Y/N checked the time and supposed that if Harry really had left as he said, he would be back in just a minute through the wonders of apparation. Carefully so she wouldn’t somehow spill the food in her clumsiness, a quality Harry once said he loved about her, Y/N moved the food from the oven, to plates and then through to their front room where the fancy cutlery was set up. A smile made its way onto her face, a beaming, gorgeous smile of confidence that her and Harry would finally have the night she deserved. One where work or his reluctance to put effort into their relationship, even if she did pretend she knew nothing about this, didn’t get in the way.

Alas however, minutes passed and there was no sign of Harry anywhere. The food grew colder and that wonderful, rare smile of hers faded into an all too comfortable frown, the crease between her eyebrows deepening with not only disappointment, but anger. A growing resentment for Harry’s lack of care or even acknowledgement of their engagement. He didn’t seem to give two hoots that she had made a lovely meal; after all, he had only called it ‘good’. Not fabulous or decadent or even something praiseful. Just good.

They hadn’t said ‘I love you’ before they hung up the phones. Harry had only said one word. Y/N’s mind began to spiral, her breathing growing quicker and sharper as the thought that it might be time to confront Harry about the buildup of letdowns over the course of the last few months. A year even, since he had properly spent time at home. At their home, the one in which he had knelt down on one knee and told her he wanted to grow old with her by his side, failing at muggle card games on the front porch as they watched their grandchildren play.

Not knowing exactly what to do, Y/N retreated to grasping at the doorframe to keep her body from tumbling to the ground. Her mind whirred with the usual possibilities to try and chase away his lateness. Got caught at work, perhaps Ron called. But none of it compared to the looming threat that Harry was scraping any old excuse together in order to stay away. That he was lying, something she never thought she would have to think about him doing. Harry had always been such an honest person, even as a child.

Y/N remembered how nervous he was when he first asked her out during their fifth year at Hogwarts. He had been on this disastrous date with some Ravenclaw she couldn’t quite remember the name of, and come back utterly defeated. Feeling sorry for a friend she had always harboured a crush on, Y/N had stayed up all night convincing him something better was around the corner. It occurred to Harry quite quickly after that that Y/N was that somebody. She liked him, and at the time that was enough to make him think he was in love. To some degree he was, but not nearly as much as Y/N had fallen for him.

It was almost midnight when the front door to their apartment clicked with the turn of a key, and Y/N, still standing in the same sad place by the door to their living room, finally saw Harry step into their home. It had been hours since they were supposed to eat the food that Y/N had worked to hard to create. There it still sat however, with the plates and crystal glasses and unopened bottle of wine in the same place, completely untouched.

Y/N had a thousand things to say to him. Usually it would begin with her asking him where he had been galavanting off to, but not tonight. Tonight was the final tear in her elastic heart, just enough to finally make it tear into two broken, hollowed out pieces. She stood, silent and just watched as he took off his shoes and put his coat back in it’s place without saying anything. Harry wasn’t even trying anymore, and that hurt more than him being late to begin with.

“Sorry for the delay, something came up.” Harry said, standing a few metres away from her. There was no affectionate kiss to the forehead like when they were fresh out of Hogwarts with teenage dreams and ambitions. No arm comfortably slung around her waist in a protective manner. Y/N missed that especially out of all the things that had faded away. That simple gesture that showed he wanted to hold her above all else, above everyone else who had ever wanted to touch the Chosen One like she did.

“Something.” Y/N repeated, no emotion in her voice. It sounded almost like a recording being played back to him, just with any tone sucked away. “It’s always something, isn’t it?” She continued, not finding quite the right words to encompass the flummox of emotions seeping into her veins. “Work. Ron called. Hermione called. Work. Work again.”

“There really was something.” Harry pathetically added. It was a lie of course, he had spent the hours at his desk alone and staring aimlessly at a fountain pen as it leaked ink onto the black carpet of his office.

“Do you really think I don’t know you at all? Stop lying to me, Harry, just stop it. I’m done with being lied to.” Y/N says, her voice remaining as monotonous as ever as if she’s already grieving something. “I want to know what was so important that you’ve missed the dinner I made. The last thirty dinners, in fact.”

Harry just runs a hand through his messy hair as he tries desperately to think of something to say. But he can’t. There’s nothing to say that would make him any less guilty.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He manages to whisper.

“You’ve said that already.” Y/N points out without missing a single beat. She’s exhausted of pretending that she doesn’t know what Harry’s been doing, drained of all energy to put in effort anymore.

“Just tell me what the problem is and we can fix it.” He begs, but his voice is shaky and the words sound as though he’s reading them from a script.

“Fine. When did you stop being in love with me?” Y/N asks, sadness seeping into her voice. Tears began to form in her eyes but were quickly blinked away; the last thing she wanted was for Harry to see her as weak. She might be pathetic, pitiful, stupid for not realising earlier... but Y/N was not going to be weak. Not now, not ever.

“Why would you think that? Y/N, I could never stop loving you.” Harry said, trying to wrap her into a hug only for Y/N to quickly wriggle out of his cold grasp. His fingers left icy burns where they had briefly touched her arm, and Harry’s face dropped as he realised she didn’t want him anywhere near her.

“But you have, Harry. Otherwise you wouldn’t be coming home at ridiculous times, or avoiding even looking at me like you are now. You don’t love me, you tolerate me because you don’t want to be alone. I feel like I’m begging to be in the footnotes in the story of your life, not a main character anymore.” Y/N explained quietly, neither expecting her to be so frank but once the blunt words were spilling from her lips, not even she could stop them. She watched as Harry’s face crumpled, sadness twisting her gut as she fervently tried not to cry herself.

“Y/N... I don’t know what to say.” Harry trailed off. Y/N used to be so infatuated with him, so desperately in love that she was blind to his flaws, much like his ridiculous fan base. But she had grown up from the teenager with a crush to a young woman with heart and with ambitions, and Harry was no longer apart of what she wanted out of life. She had stopped being a part of his long ago, she just hadn’t realised it then.

“Is this in my head? Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow, Harry. Because please believe me, I could do it. I could leave.”

“I can’t.” Harry finally said. “I did love you once, Y/N. I’m not even sure what happened to us if I’m being completely honest.”

“That’s the problem: you don’t really even want me to stay. But that’s the thing... you built an entire new wizarding world after you defeated You-Know-Who, and where was I? I’m sorry for being dramatic and shit but I’m taking this dagger out and finally going where I need to be.” Y/N continued, not pausing as not to give him any time to ask her to stay, not that he would. Her mind was made up, and even Harry could see that.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” Harry whispered, his voice trailing off as Y/N went to get her coat from a peg just beside their front door.

“It’s alright, really. I know you don’t hate me, but both of us know this isn’t working anymore. I deserve someone who celebrates me and my love, and that isn’t you. I’m not really sure that it ever was.” Y/N said, a sad smile gracing her delicate features. She looked almost relieved. Utterly broken-hearted, but relieved all the same. “I’ll come back for my stuff tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving me?” Harry said. Even though she had told him why, it still came as a shock. Y/N nodded. “I’m so sorry I didn’t treat you how you deserve.”

“I’m sorry about that too.” Y/N replied, both warmly and coldly at the same time. “Goodbye, Harry Potter. All the best.”

“Goodbye.” It was all Harry could fathom to say as she pressed her engagement ring back into his hand, the final recognition of their relationship officially being over. It was a beautiful piece of jewellery, one she at one point she thought she would never take off her finger. There were no more words exchanged about the gesture for none were needed, all had been said already.

One simple word that locked the door on their relationship, the one that Y/N had finally gained the courage to close in the first place. It had taken her so long, so pathetically long, to realise that something wasn’t right. That Harry was meant to love her, that love shouldn’t and can’t survive while being one sided. It shouldn’t have to be tolerated, and Y/N had finally learned that through all those lonely nights of wondering where Harry was, what he was getting up to at work, if he even was there.

But as Y/N’s grandma used to tell her every Christmas, as one door closes, another always opens.

-

A/N: hoped you liked it anon!!!

Nancy xx

[theji]

Song of the Moment: 匿名的宝贝 Anonymous Darling

Today's song recommendation isn't directly related to Yizhan but rather, a BJYX fan fiction [As You Wish]. The original Chinese version is considered a classic within the fandom and there's even a book version of it now. I first read the fic about 3 months ago after seeing it in @rainbowsky's recommendations list. It's a long read, more than 90K words but I finished it in one sitting. That's how invested I was in the storyline.

(Side note: thank you Rainbowsky for the list. Your recommendations are excellent and most of them are right up my alley. If anyone's keen, here's the list. Check it out!)

I re-read it again last night and it just hit me even deeper the second time around. First time was really just to get the plot moving along but on my second read, you get to see more of the nuances, pick up clues that you missed previously. Generally just got more deeply into the main characters' headspace.

What I like about it is its simplicity and realistic portrayal of life and love - two people who understood the realities of life's circumstances and chose to put themselves first, and that any relationships take effort and courage to work. There's no fancy or dramatic plotlines, no major conflicts or antagonists or whatever, but it just draws you in.

Two ex-lovers, meeting again, walking on eggshells, awkward conversations, testing boundaries, wanting but held back by fear and uncertainties. Of personal growth and maturity. Of love lost and not found, but rather, rebuilt. It's not a fairy tale - there's light angst, some tension, sweet moments, awkwardness, etc but a worthwhile read, I assure you. I'm even planning to read the fic in Chinese next to experience it as the author intended.

Anyway, back to the song. Anonymous Darling is a 2004 song released by Singaporean singer-songwriter/rocker Huang Yida. I had known of this song back then when I was a teen cos my sis was a fan of him. We even went to his autograph session 😅. In the fic, the song is quite a central part of the plot, like a theme song of sorts, and the lyrics were used to portray some of the characters' innermost thoughts. After re-reading the fic, I put the song on replay. All the feels...hence the inspiration for this post.

Anonymous Darling is a love song, but a bittersweet one. It's about someone who once had a great love but then lost it. Instead of pining over it or being resentful or nonchalant, they chose to keep it hidden deep within their own heart, to safeguard it. The love and yearning is still there, it's still beautiful, it's precious. Even if it doesn't come to fruition, it won't ever be forgotten.

我思念在你眼中那一片海水 How I miss the view of the sea (tears?) in your eyes

有一种让我心痛的美 It's devastatingly beautiful

于是我选择自已孤单的睡 That's why I chose to sleep alone (to leave)

下半辈子让我不相信的理由 我想是你对不对 I guess you're the reason why I stopped believing for the rest of my life

妳是个匿名的宝贝 藏在我心里的眼泪 You're an anonymous darling, hidden in the tears within my heart

不管妳带走了什么 我都因为爱过妳觉得美 No matter what you take away, I'll always find it (the relationship) beautiful because I once loved you

永远不忘记妳的我 像一个孤魂和野鬼 I will never forget you, just like a lonely soul and wild ghost

在这个世界上受苦 风吹雨打 我都无所谓 Even if I have to suffer hardships or endure the wind and rain, it doesn't matter at all.

妳是个匿名的宝贝 常在我心里飞呀飞 You're an anonymous darling, fluttering around in my heart

如果还能有那一天 请妳 回头看我一眼醒了没 If that day ever comes, please turn back to look at me and see if I've woken up

不必安慰我 妳知道我不累 oh 爱妳怎么会累 Don't need to comfort me, you know I'm not tired. How can loving you be tiring

再一次站在雨中看着天黑 Standing once again in the rain looking up at the dark sky

我觉得我在人海里潜水 It feels like I'm diving in a sea of people

带妳的名字飞往东南西北 Carrying your name with me to North, South, East, West

我要让这个地球上除了我 再也没有人能知道 妳是谁 妳又是我的谁 Except me, I don't want anyone else in this world to know who you are, and who you are to me.

I hope you'll enjoy today's song recommendation. It really brought back memories of my teenage days. Haha..and also enhanced my appreciation of the fic. Sorry, this post was not meant to be a fic recommendation but I'd be happy to discuss the story separately with anyone who's keen.

Since I'm on it, might as well recommend a few other Huang Yida songs that I liked back then. I think he's now focusing more on song writing and has penned songs for several hit drama series in China. He's on Spotify too.

(Ok I realised I like a lot of them so I'll just list some. I love soft rock, which he does very well.)

That Girl Said To Me

Blue Sky

That Girl

Every Day and Every Night

Only Understand When You Love

Love Under the Microscope

Go Away

Like You (Like Me)

A Second of Comfort

Equilateral Triangle

A Song to Myself

Heart Disk

Simple (fun fact: GG's idol Stefanie Sun penned the melody to this. In fact, Yida was dubbed 'the male version of Stef Sun' when he debuted.)

[imgoingtocrash]

Made of Iron, Born of Fire: The Fanmix 

by @imgoingtocrash

Listen on Spotify and 8tracks

Read the series on Ao3

AKA: A labor of love for @savvysass’s birthday!!!!

What can I say that hasn’t already been said because we’re both incredibly sappy people in our Author’s Notes? Writing this series with you has brought me so much joy in the last two years, and I never could have hit over 100k words without you. Here’s to whatever we write next in the series...and all of the WIPs we’re working on right now...and only god knows what’s next for us personally and professionally...and most importantly, to you on your Birthday. Thank you for being such a good friend, in both fandom and outside of it. I’m so, so thankful to know you and love you. 🥰

Director’s Cut Below, because we all know I love talking about this series, and yes, that does extend to why I picked these songs. (And also maybe because these song choices only make sense in my brain and hopefully Savannah’s?? Who knows! Feel free to ask questions if you want but let’s be honest this series and fanmix are most importantly for us, because we love the series so dang much.)

My Wildest Dreams by Ron Pope

I spoke in riddles and in rhymes, but my time with you has taught me to simplify, you’re not quite what I pictured you would be, you’re better than my wildest dreams.

We’ve talked about this one before, and I’LL TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN!!!! Ron Pope is so good imo, and this song wowowow the father-child feels, but especially with Tony and newborn Peter a la A Foreign Feeling and A First Time For Everything.

Big & Scared by Raleigh Ritchie

I want to be better for you, let me do that now, you’re my favorite human, so you should be prepared, I’ll help you get through it, when you’re big and scared

We’ve mentioned Tony’s thoughts about legacy multiple times by now, and I think this song really represents Tony looking forward to the person Peter could be become and that “breaking the cycle” mentality of supporting Peter even when he’s not a perfect father.

Legacy of Sadness by Ron Pope

irrational as it may seem I guess I’m sorry, even though I know that none of it’s my fault, it is easier for me to count my blessings, than to cry for every single thing we’ve lost

I have 0 shame putting these two songs by Ron Pope almost back to back because they’re the opening and closing of an album dedicated to his child like...it’s so perfect for Tony and this theme of reflection on who he is and who Peter will become/is becoming and all that entails.

this is me trying by Taylor Swift

They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential, and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that

I wrote something...very sad but also soft recently??? and this is for That it’s about pre-CW Pepperony being separated and the road to them trying to come back together including Tony working on himself and I love it!!! It hurts really good!!! This whole song is perfect for it and I can’t wait until people get to read it.

Be Good When I’m Gone by Four Year Strong

I'm sorry I can't stop to listen, but I've got so much to do and I've got some place to be, the house looks like the aftermath of a hurricane, I hope it stays that way

Tony being a busy parent but doing his best to make time for Peter in his life and making that time count has been something super important to illustrate to us, especially the transition from being a CEO to being a superhero and how that changes how Peter sees Tony’s absence over time.

I Won’t Back Down by Johnnyswim, Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors, and Penny and Sparrow

Tony puts on the original version by Tom Petty in Home Is Where The Heart Is, but I think this cover has a very slow, emotional undertone that’s really great too. The interludes, if you didn’t catch it, have all been featured in a fic previously.

Let It Matter by Johnnyswim

So if it matters let it matter, if your heart's breaking let it ache, catch those pieces as they scatter, know your hurt is not in vain

Pepper in Never Tell Me The Odds ALL DAYYYYY. She’s the emotional rock of that fic (and of our Ironfam TBH) and it’s all because she allows herself to feel her feelings and encourages the Stark boys to do so as well.

Simmer - Acoustic by Hayley Williams

And if my child, needed protection, from a fucker like that man, I’d sooner gut him, cause nothing cuts like a mother

Post-Home Is Where The Heart Is...y’all know Pepper’s not that mad about what happened to Obie. Also just Pepper when someone hurts her family?? I always write it as her sort of putting all of her emotion into something she can control and doing it well, so, this song is all about that.

Tightrope by Nia Hendricks

one step after another, keep holding on to each other, don’t look back, move on and let go, that’s how you walk on a tightrope

Pepperony trying to navigate their relationship and the insanity of superhero stuff and also co-parenting. It’s all excellent, I love them so much, I enjoy writing it so much!!!!

Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan

Never got the chance, to say a last goodbye, I gotta move on, but it hurts to try, how do I love, how do I love again?

This song is tilted towards romance, but if you’ll remember, we’re a Pro-Tony Survives Endgame AU series, so it’s not about THAT...but well...Infinity War sure will hit something fierce for certain non-romantic relationships in this series, huh?

The Bones by Maren Morris

Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I, can't even mess it up, although we both try, no, it don't always go the way we planned it, but the wolves came and went and we're still standing

Post-Endgame Ironfam!!! Tony and Pepper married with their kids, their family and HAPPY...THIS IS WHY WE DO ALL OF THE ANGST...FOR A FAMILY...WE LOVE THEM

Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas

Considered Pepper and Peter’s ‘song’, as it’s referenced multiple times in the series, and was one of the bigger solidifying moments of their mother-son relationship as a whole.

Mundane by Hardcastle

And I’ve been sinking into silence, dwelling on my thoughts, and in these months, I haven’t felt that most conversations have left me anything but blue

Peter’s selective mutism was something very special to us when we originally had the idea, and making sure we talk about it and utilize it in the right way is something we’re still working on, particularly with the Therapy Fic we’re brainstorming atm.

survivin’ (One Eyed Jack’s Session) by Bastille

What can I say? I'm survivin', crawling out these sheets to see another day, what can I say? I'm survivin', and I'm gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine, I think I'll be fine

Spoiler Alert: Peter’s not fine, like, a decent amount of the time. But he’s sure trying, and we love him for that.

Jacob from the Bible by Jake Wesley Rogers

Mama, don't worry, it took me years, to say I'm sorry, to see your tears, Mama, forgive me, I grew up too fast, but it's not on you, it's in the past

Mostly part of Peter growing up to become a hero and realizing what his parents--particularly Pepper--have gone through for him to become the person he is today, but that sometimes he still doesn’t feel like he’s making them proud enough.

Compassion Is a German Word by To Kill A King

Don't be so arrogant, you ain't no different to anyone I've met, we're all the heroes in our own film, or maybe the villain in someone else's

Spider-Man being an excellent superhero boi!!! Being kind and good!!! We love it!! Also, I put a TKAK song on...a LOT of my playlists, because I think they’re great.

brutal by Olivia Rodrigo

And I'm so sick of seventeen, where's my fucking teenage dream?, if someone tells me one more time, "Enjoy your youth", I'm gonna cry

I mean...this song is such a Teenage Mood...I had to do it...

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning by Frank Sinatra

So, I had this cute little scene in my head that went with this song for SO LONG but there wasn’t really anything for it to fit into so...yeah that’s part 2 of Savannah’s Birthday Gift, a little soft Baby Peter drabble. Fluffy Goop from top to bottom. That can be read here.

Home by Phillip Phillips

Just know you're not alone, 'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

...I know it’s not original, okay? It’s found family, it’s great, I don’t care!

Comes and Goes (In Waves) by Greg Laswell

And this part was for her, and this part was for her, this part was for her, does she remember?

This song is good family angst in general BUT these specific lyrics made me think of Mary and that they never forget her in their lives despite the other stuff going on (because we refuse to let them).

I Have Made Mistakes by The Oh Hellos

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them, the promises I've made, I continue to break them, and all the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them, but nothing is a waste if you learn from it

No one in the Ironfam is perfect, but they all do their best to try and grow even when they’re scared they’ll never be able to. The ups and downs are all par for the course of this series to us.

Easy Days - Demo by Bastille

Cause I don’t wanna fall back again, back into the easy days, everything was so simple then, little fires burned away

Strife is a part of life, and the family in this fic growing through their loss and struggles and moving ahead as a unit to get to a better place is super central to making the fic what it is...but it’s easy for them to remember the old days before being superheroes and wishing it was simple again.

North by Sleeping At Last

Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind, let our hearts like doors open wide, open wide, settle our bones like wood over time, over time, give us bread, give us salt, give us wine

The way Tony went from feeling so alone to having an entire built family that’s so full of love and everything he never dreamed of...*screams into my pillow* I love this series so much thank you and good night!!!

[litwitlady]

with you i serve, with you i fall down

Read on AO3.

Angst Prompt #3 - ‘Is that blood?’ (I PROMISE IT HAS A HAPPY ENDING)

Warnings: blood, minor physical violence, guns, gunshot wounds, mind games, mind control

‘We don’t have to do this today,’ Michael begs, eyes shifting back and forth between Isobel and Alex.

Isobel places her hand on his shoulder and tilts her head slightly, trying to make him understand. ‘There are innocent people inside, Michael. At last thirty heat signatures. We might be their only hope. We can’t wait for Max. He’s in California.’

‘We’ll be okay.’ Alex knows that’s not really enough, but it’s all he’s got at the moment.

Michael turns to him slowly. ‘You don’t know that. Me and Iz will go, Alex. Please stay here.’

‘You know that’s not the safest option. We’ve been over this already.’ Isobel tugs Michael’s eyes back to her. ‘There’s no cell reception in that building or even outside of that building. Leaving Alex here by himself cuts us off from communication. But having you out here means I’ll be able to reach you if something goes wrong.’

He makes a strangled noise and shakes his head. ‘Then you stay. Alex and I will go. You cannot ask me to watch the two people I love most on this planet - or any other fucking planet - walk into that building.’ He shrugs his shoulders and takes several steps away from them, needing the space to breathe. ‘I will not do that.’

Alex watches him walk away, kicking at the ground in frustration. Michael has never said the word ‘love’ to him. Not in the present tense, anyway. It makes him slightly dizzy. They’ve only just started finding their way back to each other. A friendship blooming gradually and finally able to talk to each like grown adults. Their future open and waiting for them.

Michael climbs into his truck and slams the door. But he doesn’t start the engine. Alex and Isobel watch him lean his head against the back glass and close his eyes. ‘He’s never going to agree to this.’ Isobel crosses her arms and stares at Alex. ‘It’s a terrible thing we’re asking him to do.’

‘None of us have a choice. I’m not willing to risk someone else’s life to keep my own safe. So, there’s no calling anyone else for help. And like you said, we can’t wait.’ Alex squares his shoulders, frowning. ‘I’ll go talk to him.’

‘No.’ She moves in front of Alex, blocking his way. ‘It needs to be me. Wait here.’

She slides into the truck next to Michael. He doesn’t acknowledge her presence. Just keeps his eyes shut and stays silent. ‘You know it has to be me and Alex, Michael.’ No reaction. ‘I’ve worked on my abilities more than you have. So, I’m better equipped, better armed. You know I’m right.’

Michael’s eyes open and he blinks several times at truck’s the rusting roof overhead. ‘I feel it deep in my gut, Isobel. Something bad’s going to happen if you leave me behind. We don’t have enough information.’ He turns his gaze out the window, focusing on Alex. ‘I love him too much, Iz. And you too.’ Angry tears burn down his cheeks.

‘You’re willing to risk all those lives - more than two dozen people - just because something might happen to me or Alex?’ She squeezes his knee. ‘I know you’re not. And we both know how this ends. So, if you want to sit and watch from the safety of your truck, that’s okay. But Alex and I are leaving.’

Isobel rejoins Alex by his Explorer, one last look over her shoulder at Michael. ‘We better get going. I don’t want to be inside that place after sundown.’

Alex checks that his gun is fully loaded. ‘What did you say to convince him?’

‘Honestly? Not a whole lot and I’m pretty sure he’s not convinced.’ She stuffs several bottles of acetone in Alex’s backpack next to his extra bullets. ‘He loves you, you know. I’m never sure how clear that is between you two.’ They hear a door slam shut and turn at the sound. Michael is on his way to them, sadness etched deep in the lines of his forehead. Alex sighs. ‘It’s much clearer these days.’

He’s left his hat behind and his curls swirl in the wind. ‘I don’t want you to go, but I won’t stop you either. But Isobel? At the first sign of trouble you scream for me. Do you understand?’

‘I promise. The first sign of trouble - even the inkling of trouble - and we’re out.’ She pulls him into a tight hug and whispers in his ear. ‘I’ll keep him safe. As best I can.’

Michael nods into her neck and watches Alex slip the backpack onto his shoulders. Isobel unfolds herself from him and Alex gives a little wave as he turns towards the concrete warehouse. But Michael reaches out and grabs his elbow, spinning him back around. ‘No, you don’t get to just walk away like that. Not anymore.’

He pushes the backpack off Alex’s shoulders and onto the ground. And then they fall into each other’s arms - Alex’s wrapped around Michael’s neck and Michael squeezing at Alex’s waist. Noses buried in hair and fingernails clawing at naked skin. So many words left unspoken but not a single one left unheard.

‘Don’t go playing hero, Alex. Sometimes running away is the right choice.’ Michael holds on tighter and glances towards Isobel who’s already at the electric fence, giving them their space. He pleads with his eyes and she mouths I promise one last time.

They pull apart. Hands lingering at collars and hemlines. Eyes blurry and hearts worried. Alex takes a couple of backwards steps, grabbing his backpack and then turns away. Joining Isobel at the fence and setting off together to whatever fate awaits them. Michael looks on completely and utterly helpless. He knows they are competent and well-armed. Smart and desperate to return to him. But that knowledge does absolutely nothing to ease the ache in his chest.

Once they disappear from sight, Michael heads back to his truck. He stands with his hand on the door handle for a long time, trying to convince himself to open the door and not do the thing his heart wants him to do. But his heart wins. Unlocking Alex’s Explorer with his telekinesis, he slides into the driver’s side seat and shuts the door behind him. It’s the most pathetic thing he’s ever done in his life, but he doesn’t care. That nagging feeling is still punching at his stomach and the smell of Alex surrounding him helps to calm his nerves.

The interior is immaculate. So clean it makes Michael roll his eyes. There’s nothing in the center console but two pens and a roll of quarters. The glove compartment offers only the owner’s manual and a flashlight. But when he reaches around into the seat pocket, he strikes gold. Michael smiles down at the cd case he pulls free. The title is written in Alex’s too-perfect script and black-inked sharpie - Desert Mix.

Starting the engine, Michael slides the cd into the disc player and waits. Static crackles through the speakers and then the soft strumming of an acoustic guitar, followed shortly by Alex’s own voice. And Michael knows these songs - remembers the lyrics scratched across the various notebooks tucked under the futon in the toolshed. He’s listened to Alex sing these songs over and over again in the bed of his truck underneath the starry sky more times than he can count. When they were still teenagers with all their dreams still alive and close enough to touch.

Thirty minutes pass and Alex’s songs have nearly lulled him to sleep when he feels the first twinge of fear. It’s faint and distant enough to not immediately alarm him. He just shifts into a more comfortable position and recloses his eyes. The second wash of fear is much stronger and arrives accompanied by Isobel’s screams echoing in his head. Within seconds he’s running harder than he ever has in his life, straight into his worst nightmare.

No doors exist in the building’s central door frame. Just a gaping hole daring him to enter. Which he doesn’t hesitate to do, especially once Isobel begins to chant help us help us help us through his thoughts. He checks behind every door he passes, but finds nothing until he arrives at a large open space. Bleak and gray, the roof leaking water onto the concrete. Isobel on her knees and Alex sitting flat in the center of the room. Farmer Jones behind them, deviant grin spread wide across his face. ‘Welcome, Michael. So glad you could join us.’

Michael’s heart sinks to the floor. He tries using his telekinesis but knows if Isobel has been rendered powerless, so has he. And with that reality before him, whatever hope he’d been trying to hang onto flees. ‘There were never any hostages, were there?’

Alex and Isobel shake their heads.

‘Front and center, Mikey! We’re going to play a little game.’ It points to a spot between Alex and Isobel. Michael has no choice so he steps forward. Stopping when he’s commanded to. ‘Well done. Now, take a good, long look at Isobel and Alex. Spend some time thinking about how much you love them. Let me know when you’re finished.’ He steps back, arms crossed over his chest and still grinning like a madman.

That’s when Michael sees the gun.

It’s Alex’s personal weapon. The one he keeps for protection. Protection he’s needed more than once in his life from those supposed to love him most.

Dragging his eyes down to Isobel, he can tell how broken she is despite the way she holds her shoulders back, strong and proud even in her despair. Her eyes are wet with tears, her chin lifted in rebellion. But he can no longer find her in his head, so Jones must have cut their communication.

Beside her is Alex. A dark red stain soaking the shoulder of his t-shirt. ‘Is that blood?’

‘Oh, don’t worry about that. Just a little scratch. Alex didn’t like my methods at first. But he’s since come around to see things my way.’ Alex’s jaw flexes and Michael watches him try to speak. But no sound leaves his mouth in spite of how hard he’s straining, veins in his neck throbbing with the effort.

‘Let them go and I’ll do whatever it is you want.’ Isobel and Alex both violently shake their heads. Michael ignores them. ‘Please.’

‘Can’t play the game with only one other person. Sorry.’ Jones rocks back on his heels, stuffing his hands in his pockets and shrugging.

‘Then let Alex go. He’s not one of us. Just a human who doesn’t belong here.’ Emotion chokes Michael’s voice which makes Jones’s eyes light up. Alex continues to shake his head, tears now trailing down his cheeks.

‘Everybody stays, Michael. Are you ready? You’re going to need this.’ He yanks the gun from the waistline of his pants and holds it out to Michael. ‘Go on, take it.’

Dread seeps deep into Michael’s bones, making him dizzy. He keeps his hands at his side and gulps loudly. Brain frantically searching for some way out of this horrific situation.

‘Now, Michael. Before you make me angry.’ Jones steps between Isobel and Alex, shoving the gun into his chest.

Michael takes the gun, hands beginning to shake. Eyes pleading with the monster in front of him, eyes avoiding the two people he can’t afford to lose at his feet.

Jones begins to walk in circles around the three of them. Slow and menacing. Taking his time and enjoying every sick second. ‘The game is simple. The rules easy to follow.’ He stops and puts one hand on Isobel’s shoulder, the other on Alex’s. ‘Your mind is a fascinating place, Michael. An electric minefield of love and suffering. Never a dull moment.’

He pauses for effect. Basking in his control and breathing in their terror. ‘This backwater planet has made you so soft and pliable. Imagine what you could have been had you grown up on our marvelous star.’ He feigns pity and then laughs. ‘But instead, you are this. Pathetic. Now you will pay the price for your mother’s wicked hubris. And the choices she made.’

Jones uses his power to raise Michael’s arm. The one whose hand is holding the gun. Michael fights like hell but it’s no use. The gun wobbles as Jones swings his arm back and forth. Pointing the gun first at Isobel and then at Alex. ‘So that’s the game! Your mother once had to make a decision and now her son will do the same. Isobel or Alex, Michael. You have five minutes or I shoot them both.’

Michael knows the moment his voice returns to him - his arm under his own control again as well. Jones smiles at him and Michael shakes his head. ‘I won’t do this.’ He tries to turn the gun on himself, but Jones just takes control again and laughs.

‘You will do this, Michael. Losing one is better than losing them both. And you’ll make it quick. I’ll make it sweet and so very slow.’ Jones tenderly cups Isobel’s cheek and runs his other hand through Alex’s hair. Michael watches as they both wince and shiver under his touch. ‘It’s not like we don’t know who you love the most. I mean, it’s no contest really.’ With a strike quicker than a snake, Jones backhands Alex square in his jaw, sending him crashing to the floor. Michael shouts and tries to go to him, but Jones holds him in place.

‘The lover. Well...the ex-lover, anyway. And the purest love you’ve ever felt.’ Jones wraps his fingers in Alex’s hair and yanks him back into a sitting position. His lip is split, blood flowing freely down his chin and dripping onto his t-shirt. All three of them are panting and openly weeping. Michael’s entire body covered in a cold sweat. None of the thoughts in his head coherent with no last minute save-the-day solutions presenting themselves. Wordlessly, he begins to pray.

Jones goes back to lapping the three of them. ‘In case you were wondering, they both desperately want you to choose themselves. Alex is begging you to pick him. Isobel is maybe less enthusiastic about offering herself, but that’s still what’s inside her head. Noble, really. And Max, well - he’s enjoying the show all the way from sunny California.’

He sits between Isobel and Alex like he’s preparing for some grotesque kindergarten story time. ‘It disgusts me how weak the three of you are. Born to wield such power and instead you’re this - something lesser than even toddlers back home. I blink and you can’t move. I blink again and your minds are easy to crawl inside. Another blink and you’ll do whatever I say.’ He tsks with his tongue and shakes his head. ‘And to think you were meant to save us all, Michael.’

He releases Michael again. ‘Choose. Your five minutes start now.’

Faced with an impossible choice, the decision is easy to make in the end. He’s able to talk but decides not to. Not with words anyway. Michael raises his eyes to Alex and then the gun. And Alex smiles. Because he knows it was always meant to end this way.

Michael thinks back to the first time he’d seen Alex in the hallways of their middle school. An unremarkable moment. Alex and Valenti laughing in a classroom doorway. Valenti grabbing his arm, ‘Who are you?’ And Alex smiling, waiting for his answer.

But the next barrage of memories collapses his lungs. The first time Alex had come to school with his ear pierced, the septum ring hanging from his nose. Always with Maria and Liz, right in the middle. The occasional what’s up, Guerin. Valenti slamming him into a row of lockers after the first rumors started to spread. And eventually, a stolen guitar.

His hand shakes violently. But Alex softly and nods his head. Resigned and ready for what comes next.

Michael takes a moment to step back inside the UFO Emporium. Bright Eyes playing through the speakers overhead. Not a soul in sight. Other than the prettiest boy he’s ever seen with a bigger heart that he could have ever dreamed. A flood of quick flashes - Alex naked beneath him, making out at the movie theater, the desert sky as Alex strums his guitar, Alex’s hair shorn to regulation, letters written and never sent, first glances after long absences, hands on hips and lips on necks, harsh words and bitter tears, i loved you and i think that you loved me, the toolshed destroyed, another soft smile and would you come home.

Michael pulls the trigger.

The gunshot ricochets around the cavernous warehouse, reverberating off the back of Michael’s molars. And then everything falls silent and time stops. Alex crumples to the floor, blood leaking from the hole in his forehead. Eyes dead and lifeless. Michael’s heart claws its way out of his chest and throws itself on Alex. Alongside a screaming Isobel who can move again, hand covering Alex’s wound trying to staunch the bleeding.

But it doesn’t matter because Alex Manes is dead.

Jones tugs the gun from Michael’s hand and pistol whips Isobel on the temple. She collapses across Alex’s unmoving chest. Then Michael is thrown through the air, landing with a thud against the cylinder block wall. He hears the crunch of his skull and then mercifully blacks out. The gunshot playing one last time through his mind before the world disappears.

Time inevitably continues to pass. Alex growing colder and colder as the seconds tick by.

Michael reawakens to Isobel’s gargled cries. Shouting his name over and over again, hoarse from the effort. Michael has no idea how long he’s been out. Looking around, Jones has vanished. A ghost in the night. He squints into the darkness, Isobel slumped over Alex still trying to save him. Beating at his chest and pressing her hand over his wound.

Alex remains dead.

And to think you were meant to save us all, Michael. That line replays in Michael’s head as he sits watching Isobel’s struggle. It’s those words that convinced him to choose Alex. He closes his eyes and goes to the place deep in his gut where his power lives. An electric minefield of love and suffering. He rests his mind, truly hushing it quiet for the first time in his life. Laying the love and suffering aside long enough to connect his brain with his power. Completing a circuit that his trauma had never allowed before.

Energy flares in his nerve endings, clearing all the muck and grime. He thinks of Isobel and easily slides into her mind. There’s chaos and panic and an overwhelming gut-wrenching fear. Bile rises in her throat. She’s convinced that both of them are dead and that she’s all alone in this hell house. Michael reaches out for her and settles her nerves. Sends his own energy through her arm and down into the palm of her hand. The one pushed tight to Alex’s forehead.

Michael concentrates on picturing Alex’s face, whole and happy. Warmth from his belly travels through his connection with Isobel and begins to weave Alex’s brain back together, one fiber at a time. He can feel Isobel gasp when the wound under her palm slowly smoothes away. Her fear subsides and big, choking gasps tear from her lungs the minute Alex’s eyes reopen and his chest rises. She starts to scream Michael’s name again, but this time for a very different reason.

He climbs to his feet and is amazed at how good he feels. Not drained at all - slightly light headed in a pleasant way. Alex sits up and Isobel pulls him into a tight hug, waving at Michael wildly with her free hand.

It takes Michael a moment to take that first step forward. Questions twist in his mind and he knows in his gut that his relationship with Alex will never be the same again. And while he’s excited for what comes next, he’s also terrified of what it might all mean. The overwhelming desire to feel Alex’s heartbeat eventually tugs him forward, though, and before long he’s dropping to his knees beside them.

Alex paws at him, crawling into his lap with Isobel not far behind - clinging to the both of them like she never intends to let go ever again. ‘I felt you, Michael. You did this. How?’

Michael feels Alex bury his nose in the crook of his neck and reaches out to pull Isobel closer. ‘What he said about me being meant to save everyone. It just clicked in my brain and I knew I could save us.’ He presses his lips into Alex’s temple. ‘But I had to choose Alex in case I was wrong and needed help.’ His voice cracks and falters, a sob catches his breath and Michael collapses into them. They hold him close while he cries. The crash of adrenaline and the weight of his choice catching up to him.

They sit tucked tight together for a long time while the sun sets outside.

‘Is he going to have a handprint on his forehead?’ Isobel asks, pushing Alex’s hair aside to see if his skin has started to glow.

‘I don’t know - I don’t think so.’ He cups Alex’s cheeks and inspects his face, finding nothing. ‘Do you feel any different?’

‘Yes. I feel you everywhere. All over me. Inside of me.’ He wraps his fingers around Michael’s wrists, gently knocking their foreheads together. ‘It’s hard to breathe around, actually.’

Michael laughs. ‘Well, I’m having a lot of feelings right now.’

‘About me.’ Alex smiles.

‘Yeah, baby. About you.’ Michael hovers his lips over Alex’s, waiting. Alex doesn’t hesitate to answer, instantly closing the gap between them. And when their mouths finally lock together, both whimper at the touch, kissing each other like it’s the first time all over again. Eager, a little shy, and once again filled with so much hope for their future.

Isobel stumbles to her feet to give them space. She’s still covered in Alex’s blood, needing fresh air. And desperately wants to call Max to explain everything. Reaching out with her mind, she searches for signs of Jones somewhere nearby but finds nothing. Glancing back at Michael, she supposes Jones must know what he’s awakened inside her brother. Michael - the savior. Honestly, she’s not really all that surprised.

Michael hugs Alex flush against him. ‘I’m going to do something, Alex. And you’re going to feel it.’

But Alex shushes him. ‘I already know. Are you sure?’

He nods and shuts his eyes as Alex pushes them as close together as they can get. Offering Michael everything he has to give. Michael smiles and whispers. ‘I love you.’

And Alex responds, ‘I know.’

Michael searches across the desert, not knowing exactly what he’s doing. But before long, he spots what he’s looking for - a mind signature frantically fleeing from his wrath. Alex puts on a hand over Michael’s heart and Michael snaps Jones’ neck, his mind signature blinking out as he crumples to the dirt. He reopens his eyes and looks down at Alex. ‘Let’s go home.’

They rejoin Isobel and Michael informs her that Jones is dead. She nods her head. ‘It was the right decision, Michael. I guess I just wish we’d been able to find out more about where we come from.’

‘We don’t need him for that. I took his mind from him, Iz, before I killed him. I know everything he knows. And we have a lot to talk about. But first, I’m taking Alex home and crawling into his bed for at least a week.’ He hugs Isobel and she looks at him like the marvel he truly is and always has been before climbing into her SUV and leaving them alone.

‘I haven’t said I’m sorry yet.’ Michael turns to Alex. ‘And before you say I don’t have to,’ he holds his hand up to Alex who is already trying to stop him, ‘let me finish.’ Alex reluctantly nods. ‘I know I made the right decision. But I’m so sorry that means you can close your eyes and picture what it looks like to watch me hold me a gun to your head and pull the trigger. Because I can’t fix that part.’

Saying it out loud breaks something inside of him. Something he’s not sure will ever heal. So, he doesn’t bother trying to stop the tears that burn down his cheeks.

Alex grabs his hands. ‘Look at me.’ He waits for Michael to meet his eye. It takes a while but eventually he gets there. ‘I have seen a lot of horrible things in my life. My father’s fists aimed at my face, his hammer breaking your hand. Friends - brothers - riddled with bullets and bleeding out in my arms. Innocent people dying at my hand, riddled with my bullets. My leg shredded to pieces on the side of a dirt road in Iraq.’

He pauses to take a breath. Michael threads their fingers together to give him comfort. ‘You pointing that gun at my head? It is an image that will stay with me. Forever. But not for the reasons you fear. Because you didn’t get to see your face in that moment. The steel and certainty in your eyes. The courage and the love. And the defiance, Michael. I knew I could trust you. I knew I’d open my eyes again and get the chance to tell you how much I love you.’

‘But it’s even better than that. Because now it’s like you’re tattooed underneath every inch of my skin. You’re the oxygen expanding my lungs and the blood pumping through my veins. Yes, you shot me, Michael. But when I opened my eyes, I was so much more than I was before. You gave me that and only you could have given me that.’

They push against each other, chest to chest. Fingers clawing at whatever purchase they can find. Nose in necks and the first flares of arousal spreading through their hips. The scent of rain and Alex’s shampoo mingling together for the first time in over a year.

Michael feels something insistent pressing between his shoulder blades. Reluctantly, he pulls away from Alex and turns to find his cell phone floating freely. He concentrates on his power and realizes it’s not coming from his mind. Alex laughs behind him as Michael yanks his phone out of the air, stunned into silence.

A death. A homecoming. Something bright and new.

[wayward-mikaelson]

Heavenly Crush

Word Count: 1599

Pairing: Cas x Reader

Characters: Cas, Dean, Sam, and Reader

About: When Dean buts into the Readers sex life she cant stop thinking about Cas. When she sees Cas, they both share a small intimate moment.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, Dirty Thoughts, Fantasizing, Blood and Gore

A/N: If you know a Cas/Misha lover tag them below! 

A/N 2: Request close in under 12 hours. 11.59 USA Central time! Send me those pictures or gifs or songs and what you want in it.

Forever Tag List: @donnaintx​ @myinconnelly1​ @magssteenkamp​ @elansaidaris​ @hobby27​ @squirrelnotsam​ @440mxs-wife​

*18+ CONTENT. YOUNGER THAN 18 MUST MOVE ON

**DO NOT COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AND WITHOUT GIVING ME THE PROPER CREDIT. I WORK TOO HARD ON THESE STORIES FOR THEM TO BE STOLEN.

***ALL WORKS ARE POSTS ON IG, AO3, WATTPAD. GO SHOW THEM SOME LOVE THERE TOO.

"We need to get you laid?" Dean says walking into the bunker and tossing his bag onto the table. I choke on whatever saliva I have in my mouth. "See right there! That would have been perfect if it were around some poor guys dick."

"Shut up," Both Sam and I say. "I do not need to be picturing myself giving some awful head right now." I continue. Sam flops into the chair closest to him. "Especially looking like I do. I'm sure I have Vamp guts on me." Our vampire hunt almost went south until Dean realized he had packed the freaking grenade launcher. When he shot it, vampire guts and body parts flew everywhere. "And stay out of my sex life unless you want me all up in yours Mister Right Now."

"Fuck you," Dean says making a face. He hates when I call him that when he buts into my non existent sex life.

"Oh, honey, I already do," I blew a kiss towards him. Sam is passed out and has missed the whole thing.

I make my way towards the bathroom. I've been with the boys for maybe six months. Both have tried making moves on me but they both failed. I didn't see them like that. They were more like brothers to me. Really, really annoying brothers who bickered almost all the damn time. I really have eyes for one person and that Castiel, our angel friend.

Once in the bathroom. I turn shower all the way on hot. Why? Well after this hunt, I feel the need to burn my skin to get all the vampire guts off me. I turn to the mirror and see that the damage is far, far worse than I imagined. Small chunks of vampire are stuck in my hair. Pieces of skin are stuck of my face. Dried blood is just about everywhere. "I guess that's what happened when I'm in the the splash zone," I begin to slip out of my clothes.

I carefully get into the shower and start to scrub my body, hair, and hard to get places. I want the smell and sign of it all off me. Once I am satisfied with my wash, I sit on the shower floor and just let the water run all over me.

I lean back and close my eyes and think of all the things I like about Cas. His eyes for one. The shade of blue always makes you want to drown in them. Then his smile when he was genuinely happy. That smile was always so rare to see and it always makes my knees weak. Then there was the way he talked and was always confused about certain things. The way he says hello to me and looks at me as if he's trying to read my mind. Well, maybe he can since he's an angel and all, I think to myself.

Then I start to think about the dirty stuff. I think of how those hands would feel on my skin. His voice in my ear. His body wrapped around mine. I bite my lip just thinking where it all could go. But I doubt it. Cas is an angel. I just want him so bad, I don't sleep or flirt with anyone at a bar of a town we roll through.

I sigh and turn the water off and get out of the shower. I look in the mirror to find I was squeaky clean minus the few cuts and scraps I got from being thrown around. I even start to see a few bruises starting to form. Oh well, I think, I've seen hotter days. I wrap the towel around me and waltz out of the bathroom without a care in the world. I run into something or someone and that someone balanced me on my feet and held me back. I feel my face start to burn when I feel the familiar gentle hands and see the beige trench coat.

"I was just coming to check in on you."

Cas's voice threw me for a spin and put me in a trance. I begin to envision me dropping my towel and jumping him. I picture slamming my lips to his and him backing me up onto a wall ripping the towel away.

"YN," Cas's voice also snaps me out my trance. "

"What?" I ask shaking my head.

"I asked if you were okay." Cas says. "You have some scrapes and bruises. Will you like it if I healed them?"

I smile. "Yeah," Damn my stupid day dream. I watch as Cas presses two fingers to my head and I close my eyes and sigh. I feel all the aching in my body fade out and disappear for good. Well, until the next time I need to be healed.

Cas pulls back his hand and I see a confused look on his face. "What?" I ask. "Do I still have blood or something in my hair?" I use my free hand to ruffle my hair around.

"No," Cas grabs my hand and I instantly feel my face turn red. I look away. "I never realized I had such an effect on you. I mean, I cannot hear your thoughts but, I can pick up on emotions. Yours are screaming whenever I am around you. I never knew until now."

I feel my face get hotter. I gently pull my hand away and turn away. "I gotta get dressed."

I hurry to my room and throw clothes on and sit on my bed. What the hell just happened? I toss over and bury my face in my pillow. Cas can't read my mind? But can read my flipping emotions? And they're screaming? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I scream into the pillow until I need to lift my head up to breath. I feel like a teenage school girl whose crush finally found out I like them.

I sit up and stare at the ground until I hear a knock on my door. I take a deep breath and compose myself. I get up and answer the door to see Cas standing there. Hes looking to the side and I follow his gaze and see Dean poking his head around the corner. He's giving okay and thumbs up hand signals. Dean sees me and stops and disappears. I sigh and let Cas in and close the door.

"I'm assuming Dean has something to do with this?" I ask watching Cas look around my room. It's the cleanest but, it also doesn't look like Deans.

Cas nods and looks back at me. "Yes, I inquired about your emotions I feel each time I am around you. He says that you might have what you humans call a crush on me. But I do not understand why you would want to crush me?" I cover my mouth and laugh. "What is so funny?"

I walk up to the confused angel with a smile on my face. "Cas," I say taking hold of his trench coat and I fiddle with the button closest to my fingers. "I don't want to crush you." I giggle again. "What Dean means is, I like you more than as a friend." I contemplate kicking Deans ass for telling Cas I have a crush on him.

"What is  more than a friend?" Cas ask looking deep in your eyes.

I take a deep breath because I know he will still be confused. I let go of his coat and take hold of his face. I reach my face up to his and gently kiss his lips. His lips are chapped but I didn't care. I feel Cas's hand on my face and he pulls back slowly. I'm confused by the look he gives me. Shock? Weird? Surprised?

"I see now," He says keeping his hands on my face. His thumbs brush my cheeks and I'm not sure if he knew he was doing that. "I think I, too, have a crush on you and like you more than as a friend." I smile and Cas pulls my face back to his and this time, this kiss is deeper and full of longing.

Cas's hands slide down to my hips and walks me back towards the dresser. He effortlessly picks me up and sits me on top of it. I hear him shrug off his coat and toss it to the side without breaking the kiss. I begin to reach for the button of his pants. Then out of know where there is a soft sliding sound.

"I'm slipping some condoms under the door for you guys," Deans voice is heard from the other side. "I mean, I don't know how strong they have to be for an angel but these are the thick kind that don't bust."

"Oh for fucks sake," Sams voice is also heard. "Leave the two of them alone."

By now, Cas has pulled apart and has gotten his coat back on. I still sit on the dresser contemplating on kicking Deans ass still. Cas walks up to me and helps me off the dresser. "I still feel your emotions are screaming maybe this can settle them until we get the proper alone time. You know, so that I can get my hard angelic dick deep inside you." Cas softly presses his lips to mine for a few seconds before leaving the room.

Such talk coming from an angel had me turned on in ways I couldn't describe. Until next time.

[mushyjellybeans]

Baby Please Come Home Part 2 (Bucky Barnes)

Pairings: Bucky x reader, Wanda x reader Warnings: A little angst, language (sorry Uncle Stevie), FLUFF, Mushy Bucky, angst with a happy ending, Mushy ending. A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Part 2/2 of the request sent in by @stuckonjbbarnes​ enjoy my lovelies!

MushyMasterlist

Part 1.

Two months, that's how long it has been since you wrapped yourself up in his strong arms, protecting you from the dangers of the world.

Two months since you heard his gruff voice, kissed his soft lips.

Tossing and turning on the sofa Wanda had put up for you due to short notice, you rested your forearm under your head and gazed up to the ceiling.

Your heart clenches with thoughts of him with his new woman, you were so sure he was having an affair. Who hides their phone if they have nothing to hide? What did she have that you didn't?

You didn't run far, you actually just went to her one-bedroom apartment to talk to her about it and it was her insistence you stay here for a while until you figured things out. She lived just a couple of blocks from where you and Bucky lived.

"He's not having an affair," Wanda spoke from the doorframe, flicking the light switch on your eyes take a few seconds to adjust to the light, your head perks up to the direction of her tired voice.

"How did you-"

"Your mind is really loud and I'm trying to sleep." She sighs. Of course, you had to choose to crash in a mind reader's room. "His secrecy was something else." She whispered.

Your eyebrows furrowed, "what do you mean?"

If there was an award out for the quickest dressed achievement, you would be confident you would win it.

The rain poured heavily when you stepped out of Wanda's apartment building. Immediately regretting not wearing a jacket. You were just dressed in your comfiest sweater with an old pair of skinny jeans and your favorite shoes as you walked down the deserted path in need of some fresh air.

You walked to central park, taking a seat on an empty bench. Raindrops falling from the end of your tendrils onto your clothed shoulders, you tucked your hand between your crossed legs as you sat there thinking over everything Wanda had just told you.

"The secrecy is for a whole different reason. Trust me on that."

"But how do you know Wanda? What is he hiding from me?" You breathed, running your fingers through your hair and tugging at the ends.

"It's big, but it's not what you think." She wasn't giving you the answers you were looking for, making you more frustrated in the process.

"Alright. Then why is he snappy? Why does he choose to argue with me on the smallest of things?" Wanda had just shrugged her shoulders.

"I can only give you so many answers Y/N. If you wanna know, go and talk to him."

You sighed heavily, your chest walls feeling as though they were collapsing.

"I'm going out for a walk." You put on your shoes and walked out, leaving a frustrated Wanda behind.

You didn't notice what time you left her apartment, but by the constant shivering of your body, you were gone for more than an hour. Stupid for not bringing my phone either!

The park was clear, just a couple of random people walking past usual hand in hand. It was close to home, you would think back to those times you and Bucky would walk the same path, hand in hand, giggling like teenagers and talking about everything and anything.

Wiping the droplets from your cheeks with your damp sleeve, you sniffled a few times and decided to go back to Wanda's. You would think about what you would say to Bucky tonight and go and see him in the morning, you had to hear him out if nothing else.

It seemed to take you longer to get back to the apartment than it did to the park. The walk did very little to clear the confusing thoughts of your mind.

The lights from the outside were turned off when you looked up to Wanda's front-facing window. That's weird you thought as you ascended the never-ending flights of stairs.

"Hey Wanda, what's wrong with your light-" you stopped mid-sentence as you walked in the door, all of the lights were turned off and from the hallway, you could smell the delicious aroma of French vanilla candles, some scattered on the sideboard as you entered. Your favorite Christmas song was playing in the background. A small sad smile creeps it's way to your lips as you quietly shut the door behind you kicking your wet shoes off. You decided to take a shower, figuring she had invited Vision over for a romantic evening and didn't want to intrude.

But this is Christmas, yes, Christmas my dear The time of year to be with the ones you love.

As you stepped into the living room, you were frozen in your spot. Eyes wide open, mouth agape and your heart beating loudly in your ears.

The fire was roaring, heat erupted around the chilly air, more candles were scattered around the room, on the fireplace, the mantelpiece, the windowsill. But also around the nervous man kneeling on the rug in front of you with a velvet box next to him.

"What are you... what are you... oh my God Bucky you’re here." You sobbed, not believing your eyes. You missed him, he was the missing part of your heart.

"I called him and told him to come." Wanda strolled in with her arms folded and a smirk on her face. You blinked a few times, gaze going from Bucky to Wanda's. "This was the secret." She whispered in your ear. winking as she left the apartment to give you two privacy.

"Is this... is this a dream?" You whispered but the pinch on your arm told you otherwise.

"I hope not." He finally speaks, his voice hoarse and he looks so tired. "Y/N come closer." He held his hand out and you hesitantly took it. His thumb rubbing the top of your soft hand as he looked up at you.

"I have something to say and I don't want you to interrupt me." He speaks softly.

You nod your head and he clears his throat before continuing.

"Y/N Y/L/N. I fucked up, really bad. I just... with everything that happened with Steve and me not knowing what to do with emotions I didn't know what else to do. I treated you so badly but I love you so so much and I'd rather die than not have you in my life. I can't live without you, not now - not ever. I would never do anything to hurt you, I would never cheat on you. This was my secret, I didn't want you to find out and I got scared because this is real. I haven't had a girlfriend for over 70 years and I've never had a wife but I want one and I want you, I want kids, I want the picket fence life. I want it with you. I'm so sorry for everything I've done. I should have handled it differently, I love you so much and if you don't want me I do understand, I haven't been a good boyfriend." Both of you are sobbing by this point.

You squeeze his hand tenderly. "I do, I do want you Bucky. I'm sorry for wanting to invade your privacy and the accusation. I'm sorry I didn't help you."

"Doll, listen to me. You're the best fucking thing I've had and got in my life. I won't keep anything from you ever again, I promise."

He smiles up to you, the corners reaching his eyes, you're lost in his blue eyes and you feel like you're floating on air. You return the smile.

"Oh, I almost forgot." He laughs nervously. Scratching the back of his neck, picking up the velvet box beside him as the record scratches to a new song.

"I don't wanna make us mushy. But I meant everything I said, I'm willing to give you the best life I possibly can, I'll keep you safe I'll keep our children safe. I'll never let you down, so doll. Will you make this 100-semi-stable brooding old man the happiest on earth and be my wife?"

You pretend to think for a minute, tapping your chin with your free hand before speaking.

"Well, Mr. Barnes. If I look as good as you when I'm 100 I'll be happy." You laugh. "And yes, of course, I will. I love you."

He stands at your answer, picking you up by the waist and spinning you both around. Your squeal echoes through the apartment followed by lots of giggles and happy sighs. You pull back to look at him and press your lips to his for the first time in two months.

"Don't you ever leave me again, doll." He whispers against your lips.

"I'm not going anywhere Buck, I promise."

He puts you down, slips the ring on your finger and admires it.

"It's gorgeous." Your comment.

"Wanda helped. She was the girl I was texting." He smiled.

He looked down at his shirt and pulled it away from his body noticing the wet patches on the shirt.

"You're soaking darling." He pats your wet sweater, "let's get you showered and I'll make some hot chocolate for us."

"Sounds perfect." You said leaning against the doorframe and admiring your fiance. "It's perfect." You whispered to yourself, a smile never leaving your face as you undress in the bathroom.

Bucky walks in minutes later startling you slightly and undresses.

"Thought you were making hot chocolate?" You asked, amused and impressed by the speed he takes his clothes off.

"It can wait. I've missed you darlin'" Pulling your back to his chest as he guides you into the shower. The hot water cascading down on the two of you on Christmas eve.

Christmas and New Year's will find you home There will be no more sorrow, no grief, and pain And I'll be happy, happy once again

Ooh, there'll be no more sorrow, no grief, and pain And I'll be happy, Christmas once again

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The FAM: @stateoflovinged​ @chloerinebarnes​ @capandbuckylvr​ @ficsxreaderr​ @babblingbonky​ @captain-kelli​ @darlingtholland​ @mrwinterr​

[nightklok]

Writing Prompt! 1-4!

Fun Meta Asks for Writers

This turned out long I’m sorry sdflkj

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  –   what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

God I have quite a ton but I’m gonna narrow it down to at least four-

Planet Rain: I had this idea for a long time of the prophecy possibly requiring Charles to be stabbed by one of the boys, this being Pickles-Now it’s mainly about the prophecy actually never being finished because none of their incarnations made it past that so they have to restart the prophecy to try and progress further. Three chapters of sadness and angst but there’s a bittersweet ending at least! I guess I just love how it’s something I kinda need to write; it feels like those fics that just give you the comfort or vent you may need and it does just that!

Charles’ guitars headcanon: Inspired by the extras where Charles mentions owning a guitar, it goes from the first to the last guitar (as of 2006) he received, bought, or was gifted and was either kept or taken from him in some way or another. I think it’s the research on guitars and the era/pop culture of the time that really slows it down (but I’ve gotten into Johnny Carson and Huey Lewis because of this!) but I think it’s just fascinating getting to learn about that and what songs, tv, celebrities he would’ve grown up with! I don’t know if anyone else headcanons it, but I did also research what it was like growing up with autism that slipped under the radar and it’s amazing to find just how relatable the stories were even for 2020 (which I guess just means that society probably hasn’t really progressed on treating people with autism but that’s probably another discussion-) I just love how much I’m learning because of this fic and hopefully it will be accurate enough-

Before We Die: Another idea I’ve had for a long time! Basically just taking the concept of Pickles’ reaction to Charles’ return after nine months but making it more sad and angsty because I feel like with Pickles, he can be either happy and forget everything he suffered those nine months or completely remember it and be so emotionally distraught-I’m just going with the latter-It’s probably a fic that’s difficult to write just by being unsure how to go about it. I am quite a number of words in though (about 10,000-) I think it’s just definitely an idea I really love and it’s one of those stories where I never thought it would end up being so expanded and detailed on-it’s taking longer than I expected but I still love it all the same!

Chickles bakery AU fic i’ve talked about like five hundred times and actually writing this time: Anytime I talk about this I end up adding more and i think this is the final time I’m adding more to this-but basically the premise is Pickles takes the wrong bus and goes to New York instead of California. Eventually, he finds a job at a local french bakery in a collegetown, and does meet Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Magnus. Through them, he’ll meet Charles and they just end up slowly bonding over the uncertainity of the future and music. And then there’s probably a chapter or two where they go to Wildwood, NJ because I say so but I’m sure that’ll be a central part of  the story probably it’s not just the yearning talking no it’s not-I did manage to outline this story and I guess it’s outdated but I hopefully will be able to write at least chapter one and publish it otherwise I may never will-I think it’s just fun getting to learn about the 80s life in new York/New Jersey and getting to see what I can use from personal experiences there!

This did inspire me to make a spreadsheet of the fics I have in progress so here’s my google spreadsheet of (most of) the fics I’m working on far! I am still in the process of working on this and if I’m still planning to write whatever I had initially planned on last trope bingo, it might expand to 20 possibly-

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

I think I’m just gonna put this for general as I feel I answered it above! But honestly, I think it’s just getting to putting my ideas into words! The outlining and drafting process is one thing I’m especially looking forward to as it means I’m one step closer to finishing these hellscapes of never finished fics :’)

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

I think it’s just gotta be smut in general? Because man that looks fun to write but I’m not sure how to actually incorporate that into my writing-I did actually write one out of context smut scene that ended up inspiring Before We Die but now I’m just unsure about even including it there because it doesn’t really fit the tone anymore or at least I don’t think it does-I’ll just attach what I wrote here. And let anyone judge this or something- (This is highkey NSFW but there is some slight story to it that I think you can easily gather from what I summed up earlier and what’s provided. The only warning is that it’s not gonna end happy-)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I’m sure it’d be better if I used something that’s actually being published or something but it was this paragraph that I quickly thought of so here’s this paragraph-

There was for a moment that vulnerability once again. For just a moment, he was just some scared teenager like him from a tough home life trying to figure himself out. He wasn't the rebellious and over-confident singer of a band that was slowly tearing itself apart between the headlines. It would be a moment forever ingrained in Charles' mind as vivid and clear as his childhood home. 

This is one of the earlier fics I wrote back in March and with no real clear idea or anything like that but it’s kinda special to me! I don’t think it’s the first Chickles fic technically but I think this helped me figure out how to write them and their relationship, especially in the past. I feel like a lot of us (even myself) forget that Pickles was 16 when he joined Snakes N’ Barrels and he’s still basically baby-I think that much pressure and fame toppled with the drugs and alcohol he consumed made it a lot to handle for him. He must’ve had to hide whatever he felt for the sake of being famous all while being taken advantage of by an industry that saw his flaws and quickly took control of whatever cracks he couldn’t hide. Having someone, like Charles, I think would’ve just been nice for Pickles to have because he would’ve provided the balance in his life and been the person he could actually be himself around. And Pickles in turn would do the same to Charles-I’m gonna stop myself before i pull out a full essay but honestly I think I might be able to at least breathe life into that paragraph and have it part of a full blown fic-hopefully-:’)

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #443

Top Ten American High School Movies

So this week the kids are going back to school after their summer break, which is always a moment fraught with emotion (for us, not for them, they love school). However it’s even more of an angst-fest than usual this year, because notwithstanding ongoing and genuine concerns over just how safe school is and will remain, there’s also the fact that they’ve been at home all the time since March. This is probably the single greatest period of time all four of us has been in the house together. It’s madness, but it’s also glorious. Weirdly, I’m finding myself getting nostalgic for the beginning of lockdown; there’s a part of me that’ll miss organising their lessons every night and imposing a rough-hewn sense of order and schedule to the working day, the pair of them sat at the kitchen table doing printed-off worksheets or playing educational games from the BBC or wherever. As well as spending time together there was also a frisson of newness, a sense of shared learning and the feeling that, even if my work had dried up in lockdown and we were stuck at home, everyone was in the same boat so it didn’t really matter. We felt relatively safe in our little bubble, every wary step outside an adventure. They drew a mountain of pictures. I still didn’t finish my book. We bought a big monitor so it was easier for my wife to work from home. Good times, unless you turned on the news.

Anyway, they’re going back, notwithstanding further catastrophic spikes in infection rates. Everything’s going to keep being different, but in a different way. I’ll have to get used to dealing with pick-ups and drop-offs and I’ll probably always be worrying about what – and who – they’ve touched. But hopefully we’ll get used to it, hopefully no one will get sick, and it’s unquestionably beneficial for them to be in school with their teachers and friends and all that jazz.

So! School. I don’t wanna get maudlin or angsty about it, so I’m looking at schools through a prism of fun. And what’s more fun than a vaguely fantastical simulacrum of school life, filtered through a gauze of foreign motifs? American high school movies have been a mainstay of cinema all my life, and the tropes and trappings of their school life are almost as familiar as my own schooling. The same but different, the world of lockers in the corridor, gym class, jocks and nerds, cheerleaders, kids in cars, spelling bees and science fairs, all felt like a wish-fulfilment dream of a better, more grown-up school life. To turn the TV on for a second, the likes of Grange Hill paled in comparison to Saved by the Bell as far as I was concerned. Like Hogwarts, an American school was a cool school, a school you’d wish to go to, but that you knew didn’t really exist. I’m sure real high school life is not very much like it is in Clueless, for instance.

But – hey! – that’s all fine. Hospitals aren’t much like Grey’s Anatomy either, and I bet space is bugger all like Star Trek.

Anyway. Here are my favourite American high school movies. Enjoy.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999): using the weight of Shakespeare helps give the story strength and heft, but it succeeds in having one of those glorious teen casts of future greats. Perfectly pitched comedy as we unravel some teen archetypes, and at least one moment of stand-our brauvora spectacle as Heath Ledger serenades Julia Stiles. One of those scenes where you watch an unknown become a movie star in real time.

Clueless (1995): another teen film smartly utilising the classics, this gives us an even more stylised world in which to unpick those stereotypes, as seemingly vapid but good-natured Cher looks beyond her preconceptions. Gentle satire gives way to a cute romance, and in Dan Hedaya it boasts the best teen movie dad of all time.

Heathers (1988): a very dark but very funny look at high school life, as the supposed “it crowd” of glamorous girls and studly boys are, well, murdered by put upon outsiders. A satire on American exceptionalism but also a peek into the mindset of fundamentalism as their campaign continues to escalate to frightening extremes.

Brick (2005): using the tropes and trappings of a high school to present an alternative version of a classic mystery noir, this is less about examining existing stereotypes and cultures than twisting them to serve its plot and style. Invents its own teen slang, Clueless-style, but does so with a thirties gangster vibe, and expertly meshes these two worlds in a way that seems obvious.

The Faculty (1998): “the teachers are evil” is a common high school trope, here rendered literal by its funky millennial take on Invasion of the Body-Snatchers. As the school is taken over, a bunch of kids from – yep – different social sub-groups band together, put enmities aside, to basically kill their teachers. Fun horror comedy that, if you were a teen in 1998, felt smartly relevant.

The Breakfast Club (1985): John Hughes films are often considered teen-movie landmarks, even if they’ve often not aged well. Breakfast is probably the best at dealing specifically with high school, as its disparate heroes (again, each representing a different archetype) reveal depths beneath their surface personae. Angsty and on-the-nose but well-acted and with plenty of charm.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017): Spider-Man is the best teen hero (sorry, Robin) because he’s navigating a traditional teenage high school life as well as being a superhero. No film has handled that better than Homecoming, where he deals with his secret identity, a date with his dream girl, and how being a superhero impacts his education.

Back to the Future (1985): I did consider whether this qualifies as a proper high school movie, but I think the school setting is actually pivotal; it juxtaposes the 1980s high school with its 1950s version, and is able to show how much has changed but the teenagers stay basically the same. And, of course, the climactic dance is the cornerstone of the plot. Finally, BTTF is one of the best-written films of all time and a masterpiece, only this low on the list because it’s not quite as high school-y as other films.

Carrie (1976): high school as horror film, obviously, but whilst there’s plenty of terror to be mined from Carrie’s powers and her mum’s fire-and-brimstone fundamentalism, it’s the petty cruelty and viciousness of school that feels darkest and yet most real. Carrie is horrendously bullied for stepping outside of her lane, and that is very high school.

Grease (1978): certainly not the best or most realistic examination of fifties high school life, but iconic enough to deserve its place. The lines between the various sub-groups are broadly drawn, as are the teachers (mostly fools), and the central struggle of the plot – tough guy, nice girl – is timeworn. But, of course, it’s carried off in oodles of style and some classic songs.

Incidentally, there were a few films that I excluded because whilst I think they’re excellent films about teenagers – Rebel Without a Cause, say – they’re not really about high school life. And, of course, I was focussing on American high schools, so no Harry Potter. Just in case you were wondering. And sadly I couldn’t find out how to stick Teen Titans Go! To the Movies in there somewhere.

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Don’t Go Into the Woods

Can all supernatural things potentially make the lights flicker?  I know demons and ghosts do, but has this been a thing for more straight up physical monster-monsters before?  I honestly can't remember.

I hate to be complaining about the Winchesters actually working a case just by themselves?  Especially with as rare of a thing as that’s become?  But let's be honest, I wouldn’t trust Jack with a mission as perilous as shopping.  He might kill somebody or destroy the world. Dabb & Co. have pointedly made him incapable of learning or understanding anything, so he's less a realistic character and more a dangerously idiotic plot bomb perpetually set to go off at random intervals. 

Who the Winchesters are now going to leave entirely unsupervised while Cas also just happens to be elsewhere.  Well, isn't that suspiciously convenient?  

Right now when he's just got his canon-breaking powers back and may not have a soul?  NOW is the time to leave him alone?  

O-kay, crippling brain damage for everybody is again necessary for this episode's events to happen, I see.

The only thing more frustrating than Jack being a perpetual shifting blob of whatever the plot calls for?  Is further manifestation of Dabb's desperation to write for a teen audience via the dumbass teenybopper trio returning.  Knew it was coming, still did not brace me for hating having to sit through it this much.  

I'm a little puzzled about they guy one being able to watch Ghostfacer videos.  I kind of doubt any teenager would notice the videos if they weren't being currently produced, and the Ghostfacers broke up last we saw them.  Did they somehow get back together after that episode with the lulzy anvilicious supposed parallels?  If they didn't and this kid is just trawling the Internet for videos that are at least five years old at this point, wouldn't whichever Ghostfacer it was who had gone off to run a business or whatever have had this shit scrubbed off the internet to avoid being made fun of by his colleagues?  Seriously, I am way way more interested in this probable continuity fail potential mystery than in anything about the teens themselves.

I don't have a lot to say about the case Sam and Dean were working. Again, it was fine.  New monster, okay.  I mean, it does seem like maybe a questionable choice to go for something that's similar to a monster the show has already highlighted (wendigo)?  But really, a lot of folklore monsters are variations across slightly different legends, so it's probably stranger we haven't had more similar monsters over the years.  It did at least look quite different and I thought it was cool how it melted. 

Local townie sheriff in denial and really obtusely insistent about coyotes snatching people out of bathrooms? Eh, I can go with that, I guess.  Though, what, was he planning on spending the next who knows how long of his life futilely trying to keep people out of the local woods for reasons he was going to just refuse to specify to anyone?  And he even kept going on about coyotes while his son was so blatantly campaigning to win the Most Likely to Wander Into the Woods for Revenge Award?  Kind of dumb, but I don't think it was too far over the threshold of unbelievably dumb. Yeah, it was all more than a little on the nose obvious about the sheriff knowing something such that the Winchesters were going to ultimately need his help.  Still, there was at least some Winchesters working together and Dean got a cool moment disarming the sheriff in the woods.  Though I'm not any less sick of yet again the rando of the week killing the monster while the Winchesters get knocked about, I'm kind of resigned to it at this point.  Dabb clearly finds believably competent characters actually getting to be competent unspeakably boring. 

So yeah, that part of the episode was mostly just there for me.  I was inordinately bugged by how during one of those conversations between sheriff guy and his son the show chose to toss in an egregious flashback to the dead girlfriend.  Like, do they think we as the audience have so little attention span we can't remember the kid is upset his girlfriend just died a few minutes ago in this same episode?  Or do they trust their actors so little to convey emotion they felt it was necessary to go DEAD GIRL IN YOUR FACE AGAIN, BOOM! at the audience?  There was that and the sheriff lecturing Sam & Dean about how they should just tell people monsters or real or put it on youtube – because that doesn't sound crazy and people can't make fake videos?  I feel like that was less a genuine moment and more like the something the writers stuck in because it's one of the complaints that's been circling the fandom for years.  Maybe I'm just cynical or the scene didn't come off too well, but I was less sympathizing with something that's actually a pretty reasonable response for someone blindsided by monsters being real and more rolling my eyes at his whining.  

Here's a poll, which is more stupid?  The cringe-y cluelessness of shoehorning in a dead horse of a fanfic cliché like, “We have movie nights on Tuesdays!”  Or that the writers continue to think annoying teenybopper canon fodder calling Dean old is cool/funny.  I can't decide!

Also, what are the writers wanting us to think about whether or not Jack has a soul?  Because I am having some trouble here believing that he doesn't have any soul left when this episode turns into him angsting about accidentally almost killing Whatsherface #2 and getting rejected by the teen trio even after “fixing” his “mistake”. I mean, if the writers are intending us to know but not for Cas and the Winchesters to, that's fine, but if this is meant to be a mystery I feel like it's a fail in terms of how they're writing potential soullessness because while I don't care all that much, I don't feel any doubt that he does.  Even if I am annoyed at the groundhog day feeling of this incident after we already sang this song over the security guard incident. 

I'm also not terribly impressed about the Winchesters arguing in the car over Dean's lying to Jack about needing someone to stay in the bunker.  If Sam really felt that strongly about it, why did he just agree?  Even if it was some bullshit don’t argue in front of the “kid” thing, he could have tacked on an addendum about being worried about Jack’s powers without contradicting what Dean said.  Oh, right, for the dramaz.  In the same way that the show careens wildly back and forth between treating Jack as a competent adult and a toddler with some kind of memory retention disorder, the way the Winchesters handle him makes just as much sense.  Speaking of lying, is it really that much better to tell a white lie about being worried about Jack being “comfortable” with his powers instead of finding a polite but honest way to say they suspect he'll accidentally kill people because he has no brains consistent control and an issue with overconfidence? 

I think there were some Dean fans that thought the thrust of that end conversation was to blame Jack almost killing some fools on Dean - but whether or not there were any intentional shades of that, it's too stupid for words.  Jack being badly written is Jack's problem, not any other character's prevarications.  If Jack didn’t learn back with the security guard, the idea any talkity-talking over reckless use of his powers at the beginning of this episode would have prevented what happened is ludicrous.  That’s only confirmed by spoilers I know about the rest of this season making it clear that even accidentally almost killing somebody outright here doesn’t teach him anything.  Because again, he’s written as largely incapable of learning.  Which, I guess there’s a weird pacifier-toting squad of infantilization-loving fans who are into that shit, but for my part?  Ew, no thanks.  I prefer characters with more personality than “helpless ball of woobified stupidity”.  I liked Jack well enough to begin with, but the more central they make him to the story, the more obviously deficient he is as a consistent and three dimensional character.

[lysung]

Wabi-sabi (part 1)

Genre: angst, fluff (in the upcoming chapters :))

Pairing: Minsung (Jisung + Minho)

Words: 2,750

Summary: Wabi-sabi means imperfect or incomplete beauty. This is a central concept in Japanese aesthetics, which comes from Buddhist teachings on the transient nature of life. A pot with uneven edges is more beautiful than a perfectly smooth one, because it reminds us that life is not perfect.

Han Jisung and Lee Minho are two average high schoolers who have differences in common; two of them are being from the other high schoolers are being a part from the LGBT community and too thoughtful in an unhealthy way, besides many other things society would see as "flaws". After accidentally knowing each other through Twitter, they eventually became best friends but both of them still had colorless and monotone lives outside internet, until that, someday, one of them is about to get beaten up for being LGBT and the other one defends a random guy from getting beaten up by one of his best friends.

Warnings: bullying, homophobia, depressive thoughts

A/N: hello! i'm alexis and this is my first au :) i know this blog is supposed to be a fluff imagines blog, but i've been feeling like writing some ansgt lately. i hope y'all don't mind it ^^ i've worked hard on this since it's my arts homework as well, so i didn't have all the time to write this, but i did write it on my pace and, honestly, im still a bit unconfident about this one. if this gets a great reaction, i will definitely continue this asap ❤️ i hope you enjoy and please leave a heart and/or reblog, it would help me a lot and make my day 💕

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Legend says that, as soon as you’re born, you get a red string tied to your finger, connecting you to someone you’re destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The string may stretch or tangle but it will never break.

Han Jisung always found the Universe majestic but crazy at the same time. Isn’t it weird how everything happen as it wills? Or, maybe, would it be They? Who is in control of the universe, if there’s someone with such power? Would they be God? But who is God, actually? Is there someone above God? — This kind of thought dominated the teenager’s mind every once in a while and, when it did, it would always keep him up at night. The thought of living his own life but, actually, being controlled by a divine existence, would scare him sometimes.

But, the thing is: the Universe, be it "it" or "they", never did anything out of the blue. Everything happens for a reason; whether if we trip or fall, cry out of pain or laughter, fake or genuinely smile, nothing happens “just because”. And we live to grow up as individuals and learn each and every lesson “it” has to teach us, even the small and silly ones.

Laid down on his bed, Jisung, who strongly believed in such legends, turned off his phone and stared at his dark-ish room’s ceiling, slightly bright thanks to the street lights outside.

These thoughts were, once again, haunting him. All he could do was wonder 3 things: What is he supposed to learn? Why? And, specially, who is going to help him?

These thoughts were soon replaced by self depreciative ones as soon as he looked through the window and noticed the sun rising. He would soon have to be up to get ready for another monotone day of school. He turned around, his back facing the windows, closed his eyes and, one more time, tried to fall asleep. But, as time passed, his thoughts wouldn’t go away; neither his usual philosophical thoughts or the self depreciative ones. There were hundreds of voices screaming in his head – some were calling him, some sounded mad, you would be afraid if you could hear them too. And when he least expected, his alarm ranged, meaning not only it was time for him to get ready for school, but also that he lost another fight to his strong mind.

Later that morning, during class change, he noticed 3 of his seniors in the other side of the corridor. Changbin, Hyunjin and Felix were staring at him and laughing out loud; he tried to ignore them and got his material for Math class. Walking to his classroom carefully, trying his best to avoid them, but they eventually came to him and Changbin pinned him to the nearest locker.

"Where are you trying to go, you shameless fag?" Changbin, their "leader", said to his face in provocation.

"Leave me alone, Changbin. Mind your own busin-" The younger tried to say and break free from his strong grip, but failed and was cutted out by Changbin.

"What are you gonna do? Are you gonna run away? Huh?" The oldest said, the provocation never leaving his tone.

Jisung was speechless. The small anxious boy didn't know what to do — should he fight back? Say something mean to them? Run away? He was totally alone and lost; there was nothing he could do.

"What is going on in here?" A high-pitched voice echoed through the, now, empty corridor, and, right next to them was the school's principal, looking pissed off as usual.

"Oh, nothing, Mrs. Kang! I was just... just... asking him how he'll go back home after school, so that I would know if I should take him home or not, hehe! I love this guy, Mrs. Kang. You have no idea how much I lo-"

"Detention. The 4 of you. And, Mr Seo, I'll let you go this time but, if you ever try to lie to me again, it's detention for a whole week. No buts." Mrs. Kang said and left, cutting Changbin's excuse off and getting a sigh from each of them in response.

"Listen up." To turn back to Jisung was the first thing Changbin did as soon as Mrs. Kang left. "I will get you and teach you how to behave like a real man, annoying faggot. Wait for it." Changbin threatened again, looking deep in Jisung's eyes and left. He watched their figures get smaller as they walked through the long corridor, fear and regret as evident in his eyes than never. Changbin had something in his eyes that made Jisung even more confused and lost.

As soon as the group had finally disappeared, Jisung bursted to the school's restroom without looking back, not being able to hold back the tears. Poor boy wouldn't make it to Math today and he was very aware of it.

This was just a tiny bit of Jisung's daily life, but it always shattered his heart in a billion pieces. He wondered, how can people be this heartless? Why are people like this to people like him, who were just born "different"? What's so wrong in being different? In being yourself? In loving someone, not minding their gender identity? What did Jisung do to deserve to live in such a inhumane society?

What did people like him did for the universe to punish them like this? What did they do to deserve such pain?

Jisung eventually lost his hope on society and hated his mind even more for being so cruel to him. All these voices calling him out, calling him names and saying stupid things would never shut up. How great would it be if he had somewhere to scream freely, without fearing to be heard...

As he walked through a dark path in life, it only seemed to get darker. He tried his best to run away, but something was stronger than him, pulling him further into the endless darkness, regardless of how much he fighted back, until he couldn't fight anymore. That's when he gave up.

After two hours spent locked in the bathroom, including some time to calm down a little bit and reduce the swelling in his eyes at least a little bit, he finally left the restroom and safely got his stuff and went to his classroom, lowering his head to hide his swollen eyes.

And this is how Jisung spent the rest of his time at school: hiding himself from everyone, specially his eyes. No one should see his eyes, or else he would be bombarded with questions and feel even worse with people pretenting to be concerned.

When he was finally back home, his safe place, the first things he's done was locking himself in his room and throwing himself on his bed. It was a way too long day for Jisung and all he wanted was to sleep forever.

Hence he couldn't sleep, he unlocked his phone and tried to look for a calm and soothing song to sleep when he received a message from one of his favorite people ever: Lee Minho, a friend he knew through Twitter. They were like best friends; sending memes, using matching icons, tagging each other in random "love yourself" tweets and even writing sweet things to the other, just to remind them that they are loved and appreciated. It was the kind of friendship people either envy or ship. They would never stop talking to each other and Jisung would never find the exact words that can express all his gratitute for having such an amazing person in his life.

"hey, how was school today? did those dumbasses disturb you again?" Minho asked him in the most "Minho" way as always. Jisung's heart always skipped a beat whenever he would receive a message from him - he's one of the few people who actually worry about him and he loved this feeling.

"it actually sucked as always, but there's not much I can do about it anyways. and yeah, they did, that's why :(" Jisung replied, trying hard not to remind of what happened earlier.

"wait right there bub, i'll brb i will get some tickets to go to your city and kick some asses to mars" Jisung smiled at his reply. Ever since they talked for the first time, Minho's personality amazed Jisung. They were completely opposites, and that was the fun part - their differences made everything perfect.

Minho was, unfortunately, the only person Jisung told about Changbin and his "crew". He just couldn't gather the courage to tell anyone but him, blind by scenarios of his family's possible reactions.

"you're so weird" "i love you so much" Jisung replied and smiled as wide as he could. This kind of reply between them would be pretty common. Now, the question is: is it really a joke or not? Did they mean it, or not? They never even thought about saying this, but it obviously made both of their hearts best crazily fast.

"now that's a lie because i love you more" and tons of heart emojis and memes were shared.

They were each other's happiness, home, a safe place. It was incredible how each message would melt both their hearts. Happiness was endless whenever they would talk. "If only universe could make us live near...", Jisung said to himself. He just wanted to hold tight this bright light that had been brightening up the path Jisung was going through.

"hey, I didn't go to school today so i kept on reading about random facts and found out about a japanese legend that says that two people who are destined to meet are connected by a string tied to their hands and i thought of you" "you said you really like legends like this, so i was wondering if you knew about this one..." Jisung's cheeks began to hurt for smiling for so long. Minho makes him feel so loved, which is a feeling he's still not used to, but he wish he could feel all this in person.

"you're so adorable :( and yes i do know this one, it's one of my favorites!" "i wonder who's on the other side of my string..."

"if you're not gonna be on the other side of my red string then what's the point."

"i love you. i wish i could say this in person."

"i love you too bub and that's fine. some day this will happen, okay? we can and will make it happen. promise?"

"promise."

(...)

It was time for another monotone day at school. He would always know what was going to happen because it's been like this for a while now: he goes to school, sleeps in class, is bullyied, sometimes sleeps a bit longer and then, go back home. It's like he's stuck in a viscious loop - in the end of the day, he would always come back home with a sad expression in his face but he couldn't change this.

At school, waiting for biology class to begin, Jisung decides to try talking to someone. If he wants to stop avoiding people, he should be able to have short conversations with anyone. While talking to this girl who sits beside him about a test they would have later that day, a group of boys sat next to him and started to talk in a much higher tone. Jisung couldn't see their faces before they sat, but it was, surely, Changbin as his crew. Soon they started "talking" about gays and how they are ridiculous. Nice. What a beautiful place with sympathetic people, yay. Poor boy could barely focus in class because of all the noise they were making.

As his class ended and he was about to get his materials for his upcoming biology class, the same group of boys pinned Jisung just like the day before. He was shaking; it was happening one more time and he still didn't know what to do. Shaking under his breath, he didn't say or do anything. He wouldn't dare.

"Hello fairy, we're back." This was enough for Jisung to want to disappear. No, not these feelings again...

"H-hey... b-b-back for w-what?" Jisung asked, stuttering, in deep hopes it wasn't about what he thought.

"I told you we we would teach you how to be a real man, didn't I? And we'll do it now. You'll thank us later when you finally understand what being normal is." Changbin said, clearly trying to scare Jisung even more but, unfortunately, he couldn't get anymore scared. He could barely move or speak. He definitely gave up when he saw Changbin's fist in the air, getting ready to punch him, but another yell from the other side was calling for Changbin this time. His attention was divided between Jisung and the mysterious guy.

"What are you even trying to do?" The guy asked, trying to separate Jisung from them.

"N-no, it's not like that, I swear-"

"What is this supposed to be, then? I saw what I saw, and heard what I heard. So, you're gonna teach him how to 'act like a real man'? Because of what, he's gay?"

"Minho, what are you doing?" Changbin tried to reach him and grab his arms, just like how they would do when they were children, but, this time, Minho wasn't feeling like it. He completely understood what was going on and something must be done about it. He wasn't going to keep anything to himself in such moment, even if the one he's confronting is one of his best friends.

"First of all, he is a man. He's not 'less manly' than you, just because he like boys. Love is normal. Don't you even dare try to say it is not normal, or a sin, or whatever excuse you want to give." Minho kept on yelling and pushing Changbin and his other friends. It did hurt him inside, but he wouldn't stop. "You believe in God, right? Well, God wants you to respect His children as who they are. Also, stop acting as if 'gay cure' exist. You think beating a gay up will 'cure' him, huh? Well, this is not and will never be the right option, Changbin. He's done nothing wrong and there's nothing to be cured. You are the one who should learn to be a man. I thought you had finally understood me when we had that talk, maybe you really weren't paying attention at all, apparently. I can't with all this. You have absolutely 0 respect for people who aren't like you, and I won't stand this anymore. I can't do this. You will never change." At this point, there was a crowd watching Minho, their jaw dropped. He really thouched each of them deeply. Jisung could feel the pain and suffering in his voice. All he wanted to do was to hug him, if it means it would make Minho feel better, even if just for a while. He thought he is so brave for standing up for someone like Changbin because of a stupid dude he didn't even know. This is insane.

Maybe you can still have hope on this society, after all.