#this song came out almost 4 years ago and this is my first time listening to it omg i’ve been missing out…

[mittenhater]

mr. henshaw when will you miss (never)

[flamingo-writes]

What would you think if Hobie asks reader to cut the ends of his hair that bother him because of the mask and while she was doing it, she sang a nice song to him, meanwhile some little flowers began to bloom around them.

Really like the last post and this came to my mind immediately.

Listen, I’ve been daydreaming of this the entire day. I think this idea was very cute!

Also, little disclaimer: I was born and raised in Mexico, so, I’m very unfamiliar with how black people’s hair works. I know culturally it has a lot of importance, but other than that I knew very little of the different types of hair and ofc the insane variety of treatments and proper care as well as the different ways to give maintenance to different kinds of dreads. Also, as someone who has had very short hair for 2/3 of my life, as well as shaving my own head for the better part of the last 4 (5?) years, in general hair care and routines are something I’m wildly unfamiliar with, the longest I had my hair in the latest years was a 6 inch or so Mohawk I grew two years ago. Hobie has been a very good opportunity for me to educate myself a lot in hair (especially black people’s hair) and I spent a good portion of my evening watching videos/TikTok’s and reading on dreadlocks and their maintenance. If I wrote something inaccurate or wrong, please let me know, help me see my mistake, and I will fix it as soon as I can.

This came from this other request, I’m thinking of turning into a series.

Flower Bed — Hobie x Reader

Also, you said little flowers, but my brain decided to go for a full flower bed 😭 I hope you like this!

Warnings: none.

“Oí, luv…” Hobie said walking out of the bedroom, looking around you.

“Bathroom!” You shouted as he followed your voice, noticing the bathroom door opened and you kneeling by the shower.

Plants cramped in the shower as you watered them.

“Oh, never mind, you’re busy” He said.

“I’m almost done. I just need to water the ones in the kitchen sink and the monsteras…” You said as you’d todo up and stretched your back. “I’ll be done in ten minutes, what’s up?”

“I wanted to ask you if you could help me trim my hair, it’s starting to get long and gets stuck in the mask and, you know…” He asked softly. “But I can’t see the back of my head,”

“Sure, I’ll help you,” You said giving Hobie a kind smile.

He smiled back, walking up to you and kissing your forehead.

“Need help with the plants?”

“As you wish,” You replied happily. “You were asleep earlier and didn’t want to wake you, so I started watering them on my own…”

“I’m awake now,” He said. “I’ll water the monsteras,”

“Thank you, babe,” You purred.

By the time you were done with the plants, you went ahead and started helping Hobie out. You sat on the edge of your bed, as he sat on the floor. Since Hobie was tall, this was the most comfortable arrangement. It wasn’t also the first time you trimmed his wicks. He asked you to help him every few months.

As you put some soft music in the background, you got started, trimming dread by dread. Taking care to cut the hair while keeping the end of the dread rounded. Cutting just across each wick was already hard as they were thick, but you also wanted to keep them looking nice and rounded. Which was also a reason why Hobie asked you for help. You did a much better job at it than him.

Even when he didn’t admit it, or didn’t look like it, every single detail in his appearance was planned. Especially his hair. He liked taking care of it, and over all treated his hair like this very intimate thing, he hated having other people touching his hair. Except you. He actually loved it when you touched his hair, ran your hands through it, your fingers disappearing between the dreads. And the particular care and dedication which which you seemed to tend to every wick.

Deep in your concentration, watching over the little details, you were unconsciously singing. Something you also did quite a lot. When you were deeply focused on something, you’d start humming and eventually singing. Which only added to the relaxing time Hobie was having.

Between your gentle hands running through his hair, and now the soft sound of your voice singing in a low voice, going along with the music. Hobie lived for these little peaceful moments, making him feel absolutely contempt with his life. These little moments were everything to him.

As he had his eyes closed, focusing on every brought of your touch against him, he didn’t notice at first the plants growing around you.

It wasn’t plain on obvious. In fact, Hobie didn’t notice until he felt something tickling his elbows. He opened his eyes and saw flowers growing out of the floor, tiny plants growing buds and flowering. All in a matter of several seconds. And you continue to sing, concentrated. He blinked several times, wondering if you were aware of what you were doing, as he kept staring at the flowers growing and multiplying, coming out of the wooden floor tiles.

“Uh, luv?” Hobie asked in a low deep voice.

“Hm?” You hummed, answering Hobie’s question, sounding way too focused in your job as you were rounding one of the last wicks.

“Are you aware of the fact that you pretty much brought spring into our bedroom?”

“Huh?” You asked confused, breaking your hyper focus and looked around, noticing the flowers covering almost the entirety of your floor. White, red, lilac, and pink flowers, extending across your small bedroom. “Fuck,”

Hobie laughed softly.

“You didn’t notice?”

“N-no…” You whispered softly.

“That’s amazing…” Hobie sighed. “It’s beautiful, by the way…”

“The thing is I don’t know how to…un-grow them…And they’re a lot…�� You said softly, the concern building in your voice, making Hobie chuckle. “What are we going to do with all of them?”

“We can always collect them and sell them or whatever, you know?” Hobie chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

“In the meantime, we can always enjoy this beautiful scene, what do you say?”

“You’re way too calm for someone who has his bedroom full of flowers…”

“You made them. They’re beautiful. I don’t see the issue, basically a work of art,” He said looking at you over his shoulder, as you rolled your eyes playfully at him.

“Hobie, pollen give you allergies,”

“Sleeping on a flower bed one night isn’t going to kill me,” He pointed out. “Besides, ever since the spider thing, I get less allergies from flowers,” He said lifting a finger up, making you chuckle.

“Fine! You win this argument!” You chuckled.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah, I love you too”

“That’s why I don’t mind the flowers. Because you made them,”

You leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Hobie’s cheek before you continued tending to the last two wicks.

“Thank you,” You said.

“For what?”

“Being you,” You sighed. “I’m not precisely fascinated with all the flowers in the bedroom, but the fact that you are, makes me feel better”

“Why, you’re welcome, sweet’eart. Thank you for helping me with my hair,” He said looking at you and giving you a cheeky smirk.

“Anytime,”

[yournowheregirl]

welp, this one has gotten out of hand (over 3k... yikes) but here we are! part 3 of the secret-dolly-parton-fan eddie munson saga (only 2 more parts after this!) 

[part 1] [part 2] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6 + complete on ao3]

part 3: coat of many colors

Only a few weeks later, Eddie starts to slip up.

Any other day he’d wake up to the sweet, sweet sounds of his favorite Dio album, but one morning he grabs an old Johnny Cash album that Wayne sometimes listens to and puts that one on instead. 

It’s nice, and even though it’s apparently recorded at an actual prison, it still feels like home (Eddie tries not to think about that too much).

On a late night when Wayne’s still at work, he fishes his old acoustic guitar from underneath his bed and starts strumming away random chords that sound like the country songs his momma played when he was little. Sometimes he still remembers the lyrics, softly mumbling them even though there’s no one around to hear them. 

It’s nice, it doesn’t sound as sweet as when his momma played it for him, but it still feels like home (Eddie actually thinks about it a lot this time).

And it’s not like he’s abandoned his usual music or anything. He still has his Judas Priest tapes in the van because his driving would probably even more reckless if he drove without any music (and isn’t that saying something). And he still loves his sweetheart more than anything, she just has to deal with sharing him for a bit.

Not a lot of many people notice it, at first. Mostly because he still keeps that part of himself hidden, safely tucked away in the comfort of his own bedroom. 

But Wayne notices, because of course does.

“Whatcha wearin’ there, son?” Wayne asks, never looking up from where his eyes are glued to the morning newspaper. 

Eddie’s halfway out the door already, car keys jingling against his rings when his uncle speaks up, turns around in the doorway. “Uh…” 

He looks down at his clothes - what is he wearing anyway? Ripped jeans - all fine, nothing new. White t-shirt - okay, not his usual color but not that strange. Forest green plaid button down and beat-up leather boots that both actually belonged to Wayne at one point - yeah, that must be it. 

“Yeah, I mean I know they’re yours… You want them back or somethin’?”

Wayne chuckles and closes the newspaper, leaning back in his chair. “No, no. Not at all. Just surprised you’re wearing it. Ain’t you meetin’ the kids?”

“Uh, yeah?” Eddie frowns. “Should I… not be wearing this?”

“Wear whatever you want.” Wayne shrugs. “It’s just nice.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, nice. Nice to see you bein’ comfortable wearing that sorta thing again.” Wayne says. “Lord knows you wouldn’t be caught dead in it years ago.”

Eddie thinks back to when he first came to Hawkins, with an almost empty suitcase and ratty old teddy-bear in his hand. He didn’t have any clothes that were fit for the cold Novembers in Hawkins, more used to the mild Tennessee winters, so Wayne did the best he could and dressed him up in the warmest thing he had on hand at the time. A warm, blue flannel that Eddie’s small frame almost drowned in.

Not that he cared about it at that point. He only cared about how warm and soft it felt.

Which was fine up until the point that the other kids at school started caring about their clothes and how they looked and they started laughing at Eddie’s clothes. Making fun of how poor he was that he couldn’t even afford a decent sized shirt. Teasing him in the locker room about the holes in his socks. 

He decided then and there to swear off all the clothes Wayne picked out for him and changed his style up completely. His classmates were gonna bully him anyway, but he’d be damned if they insulted Wayne in the process. 

“Well, yeah. Guess I’m goin’ back to my roots.” Eddie shrugs.

“Noticed that as well.” Wayne is smirking now, way too pleased about the whole situation and gestures to his mouth. “Your accent, Ed. Any minute now and you’ll be talkin’ like Miss Parton herself.”

Eddie’s face heats up - if only Wayne knew what he’s been up to in his spare time “Shut up, old man. You’re gonna make me late.”

He drives a little faster than normal to the Wheeler’s house, because Wayne really did keep him a few minutes too long, but he still ends up relatively on time for Mike’s birthday party. Everyone’s already in the decorated basement (balloons and garlands and all) and Mrs. Wheeler is snapping pictures left and right, much to Mike’s obvious dismay.

Mike’s face does light up when Eddie comes stumbling down the basement, present in hand.

“Happy Birthday, mini Wheeler.” Eddie says, ruffling his hair.

“Hey, not fair! We were friends way before you befriended my sister.” Mike sighs.

“Eddie’s just got good taste.” Nancy smirks before turning back to her conversation with Max and El.

“She said it, not me.” Eddie laughs. “Now open your present.”

He’d bought Mike this older copy of a D&D manual. It’s a first edition that Eddie randomly found one day in a thrift store and considering the grin on Mike’s face, Eddie knows he made the right decision. 

Behind them on the table there’s a bunch of already-opened presents but one sticks out to Eddie - a beautifully depiction of the Party members, including El and Max, painted onto a notebook.

“Nice notebook.”

“Isn’t it the coolest? Will made it for me.” Mike gushes. “He always knows what kind of present to get me. He’s such a good friend.”

Eddie bites back a laugh. Poor Mike, so tragically oblivious to what’s staring right in front of him, bowl-cut and heart-eyes and all. But since he can’t actually laugh Mike in the face, he just smirks and pats Mike on the shoulder.

“Oh Michael… Bless your tiny lil’ heart.” 

Mike just beams at him, once again blissfully unaware of the little back-handed compliment that just escaped Eddie’s Tennessee mouth and runs off again to join the party. Not noticing a thing.

But apparently someone does.

“What was that?” Steve asks from where he’s standing behind Eddie.

“What was what?” Eddie replies automatically. He doesn’t turn around just yet, slightly terrified to find out Steve’s reaction. Not there’s any malice to be heard in his voice, but Eddie’s learned to be careful even when everything seems to be safe.

“That… the whole bless your heart thing.”

“That’s a just saying.” Eddie shrugs.

“But the accent… where did that come from?” Steve stammers.

That comment finally makes Eddie turn around only to find Steve staring at him, jaw slacked and cheeks tickled pink. And well, isn’t that interesting. 

Eddie grins as he takes a step closer to Steve, head cocked to the side. “Didn’t you know? I ain’t from around here.” He’s really laying the accent on thick this time, just to see how Steve will react. 

It pays off beautifully because Steve just stares at him again, his face turning an even deeper shade of pink that contrast with the tight yellow t-shirt he’s wearing. Eddie’s stomach bubbles with giddiness at the sudden power he’s holding over Steve, making him all flustered like this.

God, he really shouldn’t be flirting with his very-much-straight crush but it just feels so good.

“Where- where are you from then?” Steve clears his throat, running a hand through his hair.

“Tennessee, baby. Born ’n raised.” 

Steve opens his mouth and closes it again, does it a couple of times actually, like he’s a goddamn guppy. It’s, frankly, adorable and Eddie’s never wanted to kiss him more. He lowers his gaze, his hands moving through the air like he’s unsure what to do with that.

“I’m just… I’m just gonna talk to Robin for a sec. Be right back, okay?”

Eddie watches as Steve disappears in between the kids, sees how he frantically talks to Robin before dragging her upstairs, clearly in need some alone time.

Huh. Weird. 

-xxx-

Eddie comes clean about his roots to the rest of his friends a couple days later and to his surprise, no one really seems to bat an eye. Sure, there are few laughs here and there but it’s never bad. A couple of questions (mostly from El) about where he grew up and that’s that.

Or so he thinks.

Because he also told Steve, Robin and Nancy about the fact that there’s a country bar just a couple miles from Hawkins and that he’s being going there almost every week just to feel a little at home again. And now, they obviously want to come with. 

Eddie’s feeling slightly nervous about it - this is still on a whole other level than just wearing one of Wayne’s flannels and bringing out his drawl every once in a while. This is about who he is, how he was raised, and he’s not really sure how things’ll go down if his friends react weirdly about it.

Pat is surprised to say the least when Eddie strolls into the Off-Road next Wednesday with Robin, Nancy and Steve in tow. Robin swore up and down that they should dress the part even though Eddie told her it wasn’t necessary, but there they are anyway, plaid shirts and all. 

It’s slightly embarrassing to be honest, but Robin seems to enjoy making him suffer (well, that was until Nancy took off her plaid shirt and tied it around her waist to show off her tight black dress underneath and Robin almost had an aneurysm. Ha, how’s that for payback?). And besides, Steve’s looking unfairly hot in that light blue flannel so who’s Eddie to complain?

“Well, well, well. Looks like you got some friends after all, Ed.” Pat grins. “Welcome y’all.”

After Eddie introduces everyone, Robin starts talking Pat’s ear off, overjoyed with the fact that she’s finally meeting another queer woman, asking her all kinds of questions about growing up queer and how she met Tish. Eddie smiles, feeling happy for his friend. 

On the other side of the bar, Steve and Nancy are hunched over the jukebox, arguing about the next song to play.

“Is that him?” Tish asks as she puts down his beer - Eddie figures he might as well take advantage of the fact that Nancy’s driving tonight. She nods to where Steve is clearly losing the argument with Nancy. The way he’s bending over the jukebox in those tight Levi’s is making his ass look insane and Eddie lets out a strangled sound.

“Yeah, that’s him alright.”

Tish lets out a low whistle. “Damn, Eddie. You’re screwed.”

“Why, geez. Thanks for that boost of confidence, Tish.”

Tish just winks at him and disappears back into the kitchen. Eddie just sits and sulks for a bit, head rocking along to the song that Nancy picked out until Robin suddenly slides into view, eyes filled with mischief that Eddie doesn’t care for one bit.

“So… A little birdie told me you’ve been singing Dolly Parton songs here on the regular.” Robin says in a sing-song voice.

Damn Pat and her blabber mouth.

Eddie narrows his eyes at her. “And what about it, Buckley?”

“Nothing! Just wondering if you might wanna play a song for us tonight?” Robin asks. She clasps her hands together and pouts when Eddie rolls his eyes at her. “Please? I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

“And how exactly do you propose to do that?”

“Well… I can’t really say. Not yet anyway.” Robin smiles awkwardly. “But I promise you’ll be happy about it once it works out. Please?”

Eddie sighs - he’s never really been able to resist someone begging and he’s not gonna start now. He finishes his beer in one swig and makes his way over to the stage, taking the now-familiar acoustic guitar from the wall.

His friends sit down at a table close to the stage, staring at him with eager excitement as Eddie tries to think of a song to play. He feels strangely nervous. They had seen him play before, been to a few of Corroded Coffin gigs and he even sang the Beatles’ Blackbird for Nancy’s birthday but this still feels scarier, more intimate. 

And the thing is, he can’t really go with one of the songs he played her before because one wrong look in Steve’s direction and he’d be fucked for life. Or even worse, a love song - that’d make for a real awkward evening. So, he finally settles on a song that’s neither of those, but still a song that’s very close to his heart.

“Back through the years, I go wonderin’ once again. Back to the seasons of my youth…” Eddie sings softly, though his drawl rolls out of him with full force. 

He can’t help it, it’s the only way he knows how to sing this song because it’s the way his momma sang it to him every night before going to bed. Tucking him in tightly underneath the duvet, covering his face with kisses until he couldn’t stop giggling. Her voice soft and warm as she sang him to sleep.

“There were rags of many colors, every piece was small. And I didn’t have a coat and it was way down in the fall. Mama sewed the rags together, sewin’ every piece with love. She made my coat of many colors, that I was so proud of.”

He thinks of Wayne. Thinks of the clothes Wayne gave him while growing up. How he wore them to school with pride, excited to have clothes to call his own. To have a home and someone taking care of him, not because Wayne had to but because he wanted to. 

“So with patches on my britches and in holes in both my shoes, in my coat of many colors, I hurried off to school. Just to find the others laughing and are making of fun of me, in my coat of many colors my mama made for me.”

Thinks of his classmates laughing at his accent, at the way he dressed, at his amazement of seeing snow for the very first time. Remembers going home to Wayne with tears in his eyes, stuffing his plaid shirts into the deepest corner of his closet and trading it for plain black tees instead. Remembers staying up late when Wayne was at work to practice his speech pattern by watching old tv-shows and repeating the lines. 

Looks up at his friends. Realizes how he’s showcasing all those parts he hid away for years and is for once, rewarded for it. They’re listening intently, proud smiles on their faces. Nancy and Robin are leaning against each other, their fingers finding their way to one another.

Glances over at Steve, whose hands are folded underneath his chin as he looks at Eddie with a gentle smile, his eyes soft and almost like honey underneath the warm ceiling lights of the bar. He barely blinks, eyes glued to Eddie and Eddie only. It’s a bit distracting, if Eddie’s being honest. He feels his cheeks heat up and he almost misses a chord at one point, realizing then and there why he didn’t pick a love song in the first place. 

He needs to sing, not melt into a puddle of goo underneath Steve’s gaze, goddammit.

“Now I know we had no money, but I was rich as I could be. In my coat of many colors, my mama made for me. Made just for me…”

The song softly fades away and Eddie mumbles a quick thanks into the microphone as his friends and the rest of the the bar burst out into applause. He shuffles over to the table  where he’s met with Robin and Nancy beaming at him and pulling him into a tight hug.

“That was so good.” Nancy gushes.

“Yeah, it was amazing! You should switch music genres, if I’m honest.” Robin nods. “Change Corroded Coffin’s name into Corroded Cowboy or something.”

Eddie chuckles. “Not sure if the guys are gonna like that. But thanks, girls. Means a lot.”

Steve stays strangely quiet in between Robin and Nancy’s stream of compliments, just fiddling with the coaster in between his fingers. It’s not until Nancy drags Robin to the dance floor when an upbeat song starts playing and Eddie slides into one of the empty seats they left behind, that Steve speaks up.

“You have a really nice voice, you know that?” 

He says it so softly that Eddie can barely hear him over the bluegrass music on the speakers. Still, it’s enough for Eddie’s cheeks to flush pink.

“Thanks.” Eddie replies, ducking his head to prevent Steve from seeing his flushed face. 

“Seriously, man.” Steve says. “Think about Robin said. I mean, I love hearing you sing and scream about the world’s injustices with Corroded Coffin as much as the next person but…”

Eddie’s heart starts beating out of his chest because holy fuck, Steve loves hearing him sing, Steve loves hearing him sing, Steve loves hearing him sing.

“But these songs seem to come so natural to you, y’know?” Steve glances up to meet Eddie’s eyes, the corners of his mouth tugging upwards. “You make it seem so…”

“Easy?” Eddie supplies.

Steve smiles and there’s something in his eyes that Eddie can’t quite decipher. A secret that only Steve seems to know. “Yeah, exactly. Easy.”

Eddie feels the flush on his face deepen underneath Steve’s gaze and he needs a way out before he starts doing something incredibly stupid like drag him to the bathroom just to see what happens when he calls Steve darlin’. 

“You want a refill?” Eddie says quickly, gesturing towards the empty beer bottle on the table. “My treat.”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Eddie.”

The sound of his own name rolling off Steve’s tongue almost makes Eddie  stumbles as he stands up  makes his way towards the bar. Smooth, Munson, real fuckin’ smooth.

“Two beers please.” Eddie tells Pat, drumming his ring-adorned hands on the faded wood of the bar.

“Here ya go.” Pat says, handing him the drinks. Eddie’s about to turn back, when she stops him. “Ed, I don’t mean to mess with your head or anythin’… But are ya sure that boy’s straight?”

Eddie snorts. “What’d you mean? ‘Course he is.”

“Well, I won’t be so sure about that, kiddo.” Pat says with a knowing smile. “I’ve been seein’ the way he looks at you tonight and well… let’s just say it’s the same way I look at Tish every morning I wake up next to her.”

Eddie looks up to where Steve’s chatting with Jack, one of the older regulars who’s an actually banjo player in his spare time. He just watches them for a minute, a soft smile playing around his lips, the one he always gets when he’s looking at Steve. 

Steve looks up and their eyes meet, a bright smile appearing on his face as he wiggles his hands in the air to wave at Eddie. He seems so happy and he’s never looked more beautiful. 

Christ, Eddie’s so in love with him.

“That. That look right there. No one looks at their platonic friend like that. Not when there are other feelings involved.” Pat says firmly. “You might wanna start re-thinkin’ this whole situation, Ed.” She adds cryptically and returns to where she’s drying off another glass.

A tingly feeling spreads all over Eddie’s body, a shiver running up his spine. It should feel nice, it does feel nice, but at the same time Eddie knows it’s actually the worst feeling in the world.

Hope. 

tag list: 

@solosnail @gothbat99 @unclewaynemunson @legitcookie @henderdads @goblin-eddie @trikigirl271 @alienace @stevethehairington @blank1eboi @fruitandbubbles @courtjestermunson @steveisabicon @stereoteleversion @wrenisflying @spectrum-spectre @hotluncheddie @punkharringtxn @remislupinisthevoiceofgod @panicatthediaz @thegingervulcan @sharkruption @goodolefashionedloverboi @thelastwalkingsoul @undreamingscatworld @magpiemuseum @mightbeasleep @maya-custodios-dionach @theokatz @this-earlobe-is-naked

[katiepotatie]

that way «Eddie Roundtree x f!Y/N»

Request/Summary: Anon asked, "Could you do an Eddie Roundtree oneshot based on the song "That Way" by Tate McRae ft Jeremy Zucker with a childhood friend of the band who also lives in California?" AN: Heyy! This is my first time writing a full oneshot/imagine since like 2019 when I was a literal child and in my MHA phase, so it's not the best thing ever... but it'll have to suffice 😙 Anyways, this imagine is MY interpretation of the song. I don't want people telling me to change how I've written my story (the only exception is constructive criticism on grammar, little fiddly bits in the story and ways to expand the plot a bit ❤️) Also Anon, I hope this is okay! I kept the song elements and childhood bsf part so... 😅 ---------------------------------- Word Count: 1.4k ------------------------------------- Warnings: Angst, Mentions of drug use and alcohol use, a bit fluffy, breakdown/kinda a depressive episode, short...hehe. --------------------------------

SFW

You and Eddie Roundtree have been friends forever. So, when he asked you to move with his band 4 months ago, you jumped at the chance. You were unaware, however, of the amount of partying that this would involve. You had always been a ballsy person but even some of the stuff that Graham was doing was a bit out of your comfort zone. 

When you were little, Eddie lived next door, sneaking through bedroom windows to comfort each other during storms and playing your piano, coming up with little songs. You were each other’s first kiss and Eddie took you to prom. Everyone said you two would get married one day. You said ‘no’. He said ‘maybe’. You still do stuff like that together but he’s off with groupies half the time. You hate to think it but, you feel like you are something more than just best friends…

Jealousy has overtaken your creativity lately. Every song you write is about him and you can’t fathom the fact that you might like him more than the unbreakable bond you’ve made over the years. Shit, you might even love him.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

“Hey Y/N! Come join us!”

You look over and see Warren and some other guys smoking something from a bong and you agreed. Anything to get your mind off Eddie dragging that girl to his room.

During the day, he’s the sweetest most loving person you’ll ever meet, but at night… You hate to think what else he does than hook up. It’s like he’s making you run in circles, constantly, you hate it. In fact, it’s almost draining. So, drowning out your sorrows in drugs and alcohol seems like the perfect solution.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

3 hours later and you’re pissed and high wearing a halter neck bralette and flared jeans, wishing that you didn’t exist. That this stupid crush didn’t exist.

That Eddie and you never existed.

So, as you lay there on the couch, listening to the unwanted people still vacating the house, you start to cry. You want to leave but, getting up wasn’t the easiest thing when you’re bawling your eyes out, drunk and high and surrounded by people you don’t even know. But you proceed to someone’s room, that definitely isn’t yours. To your surprise, there aren’t any girls in here anymore. Or a boy. You lay on the double bed in the middle of the room and ponder, still crying. Just wondering whether moving here was the right choice after all.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

You awake, unaware that you fell asleep in the first place. It’s not cold like how it was when you came into the empty room. You turn around to find that Eddie was the reason you didn’t have frostbite. Peeling his arm from your torso, you sit up and regain consciousness before standing up and walking to your room.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You turn to find a sleepy Eddie Roundtree at the end of his bed, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

“To bed.” You reply, clearly annoyed. Yet, some people just can’t take the hint.

“But you were in bed.”

“My bed dumbass. Besides you probably just fucked some groupie-“ you stopped yourself, but it was too late. Eddie looked at you concerned; you could only tell by the small slither of moonlight coming from the window.

He stood up and approached you slowly taking note of the vulnerable state you put yourself in.

“What are you talking about?”

He cupped your cheeks and his palms felt warm, you felt at home.

“The girl... from earlier... didn’t you-“ He cut you off. Your faces so close together that your lips almost touched. You didn’t like that. You felt like he was taking advantage of you, but oh well, it’s Eddie motherfucking Roundtree we’re talking about here.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Y/N.” He did in fact know what you were talking about. Not only was it horrible but she wasn’t you. And that’s what hurt him the most.

But it hurt you more.

You sigh, pulling his hands away from your face.

“Too high to remember?”

He didn’t answer only looked down in shame.

“Of course.” You scold him as your eyes start to water. You can’t keep them back like you normally would, which means that your heart is officially broken.

You peel away from him and run through the house to the rooftop. You sit on the ledge and cry until you hear a familiar voice behind you.

“Y’know, friends don’t look at friends that way.” It’s Karen.

You wipe away your tears and turn to face her, “huh…?”

“I heard everything... are you okay?” You nod, it’s not the most reassuring thing ever, but it works.

“Anyways, what were you saying? About the friend’s thing?”

Karen smiles sadly, “He looks at you the same way Camila looks at Billy, or how Graham looks at me. He loves you, Y/N. And I can tell you love him too.”

You look down, as if ashamed that you love him, that someone knows you love him.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

Eddie paces around his room. He knows he fucked up but there aren’t very many ways he can repair what he had broken. Trust. Comfort. Love. He overthought everything through so heavily that he became dizzy. Getting drunk again as if it might mend the hole in his heart for a little while. It didn’t. He was just drunk and delusional. Eddie put his hands to his head in frustration, making his headache, heartache and longing for your arms around his waist. Like you always would whenever you missed him. You wished you could do that too.

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡ ⋆

“Friends don’t look at friends that way.” That was repeating in your head non-stop over the next few days making your mind blurry and incognitive. Locking yourself in your room and staring at the void in your wall for hours on end wasn’t healthy. You knew this, you just didn’t give a shit. Even though everyone was worried you convinced yourself no one cared. That Eddie will never love you. That no one will ever love you. This obviously not true because 4 days after the ‘incident’, Eddie walks into your room. You were crying on the floor, next to a blanket and a box of tissues.

“Hey... We’re all really worried y’know.” He assures. You just lean on his shoulder as he sits down next to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder. It was nice there. For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt a small wave of happiness.

“I’m sorry.” You choke out. Still crying and overwhelmed.

“For what exactly? I was the one who fucked a bunch of girls and still thought that I deserved the most amazing one of all.” He chuckled. You smiled. Until you didn’t. Raising your head from his shoulder, turning to face him,  your face grew the grimacing emotion of anxiety.

“Do… Do you love me, Eddie?”

“Of course, Y/N. Who wouldn’t lo-“

“No. Do you love me, Eddie Roundtree. I need to know because this is what your games, or whatever the fuck you’re playing me at, has done to me.”  You grasp his hand, solemnly. His face contorts into something you haven’t seen from him before. He’s about to cry.

“Why the fuck would you ever think I didn’t love you as more than friends, Y/N? I have loved you the second I laid eyes on you. The minute you showed me how to play piano. The hour I spent making you a stupid sign to ask you to prom. I just figured you had other people in mind. That we were strictly platonic-“

You cupped his cheeks and pulled him in for the kiss you have both longed for since you laid eyes on each other. The passionate, painful, loving, gentle kiss you had needed since you knew you loved each other. With no words said, you have told Eddie a million things.

“Karen told me this thing, the night of the party…” Eddie said as the kiss broke. As if on que, you said in unison,

“Friends don’t look at friends that way…”

AN: If y'all want a taglist just tell me ❤️

[tacoma-narrows]

Twenty (Three!) Years of Humanistic!

Abandoned Pools' first album, Humanistic was released 23 years ago today, on September 25th, 2001! For anyone who doesn't know, Abandoned Pools is my all time favorite band! I found them through Clone High in September of 2020 and immediately connected with a LOT of their songs, and in that time, Humanistic became my all time favorite album! A spot that it still retains to this day hehe.

So when I found out that the following year, almost a year to the day from when I started listening to Abandoned Pools, was Humanistic's 20th anniversary, I knew I wanted to make something big for that occasion! I ended up making a drawing based on each song in the album! This is similar to what I did for Owl City's album Cinematic later on, which I posted last year.

This is also sort of a look at proto Let's Get Back! in a way! I made this when LGB! was still just a duo act with PB and Shep, since Rye and Pumpernickel didn't join the lineup until I was about halfway through the project, and the band wasn't officially named Let's Get Back! until February of 2022 lol. The cover image here is based on the actual album cover for Humanistic, and I edited later to say "Covers by Let's Get Back!" to make it consistent with the rest of my LGB! art :3

Each piece in the series is below the cut along with the song they're connected to and some explanation about each one. Again, these pieces are three years old at this point, so some of the art is a bit wonky looking and some of these piece I'd do differently if I were to do them today, but most of them still hold up pretty well I think! :D

1: The Remedy

I based this one on the line “save your breath, your soul is hollow” and wanted to do something simplistic but still interesting! According to my friend who also likes the song, this is “exactly how that song feels” lol. It was fun working with silhouettes here, which is something I've done here and there in the time since.

2: Mercy Kiss

I decided to not actually draw them kissing bc the song says “I don’t need your mercy kiss” haha. Wanted to capture sort of a defiant attitude for this one. Posing is a little off here, and I've tweaked some minor things abt their design but overall one that I'm still pretty happy with :]

3: Start Over

I was SUPER happy with the posing on this one, I love the sense of motion it has. Basically, I wanted to express being stuck in a cycle and just wanting to go back to the way things were, which was something I was REALLY feeling at the time, but is still sort of applicable today.

4: Monster

Another one I REALLY like, with this one, I wanted to show that I can be a force to be reckoned with when standing up for myself. Or at least that’s how the song makes me feel. It’s a good rampage song too. This is another case where I really like how the pose came out. As you can also see, this is the only piece without PB since I wasn't sure how to incorporate him into this idea, but I’m sure he’s still involved somehow lol. Also this is the best song called Monster, I do not take criticism at this time.

5: Blood

Blood always feels like a sort of gloomy, spiral-y type song, so that’s what I went for. The line “we watch it burn, and we never learn, this can’t be what you’re waiting for” was really the focus for this one. A neat vibe with this one overall I think that I'm pretty happy with.

6: Suburban Muse

Suburban Muse makes me think of like, a fake sitcom town where things look normal, but things aren’t as great as they seem if you look a little closer. It even says “cue the canned applause” at one point. Also, those sort of, weird reality dreamscape neighborhood liminal space images like this where you can see where it's coming from but they just feel, off y'know

7: Sunny Day

This one is kinda weird because Sunny Day is kinda weird (though in like the best possible way, I love it). I couldn’t quite come up with a solid idea for both my OCs here, so I based them on two separate lines: “my head is inside a cloud” for PB, and “get off the bathroom floor” for Shep. In hindsight, I don't think the two separate lines approach really worked here since it feels more disjointed and not really representative of the full song, but I still like it well enough.

8: L.V.B.D.

This one was hard to come up with something for. I’ve never been super crazy abt L.V.B.D. since it feels, Very Hetero™ and I’m not about that. But it’s still sounds great and I’m definitely super glad it’s part of the album. Went for drawing Shep and PB here as little stuffed dolls, which is related to the acronym in the song’s title (which stands for Little Virgin Baby Doll) and I couldn’t think of anything better aha. I should draw plushies more often though

9: Ruin Your Life

Important: Shep and PB are only upset with upset with each other for the sake of this drawing, as I refuse to let anything bad happen between them for real. Anyways, the expressions were really fun in this one, and oh boy does this song feel very relatable over the last year or so.

10: Never

This one is very similar to Ruin Your Life for me, where it’s a sort of comforting during a dark time kind of way. Just crossing the days off hoping that things will get better soon, that’s what I went for here. The calendar is listed as 10/12 since this is the 10th song out of the 12 on the album, and the image is a reference to a previous drawing I had done of PB and Shep together :3

11: Seed

Personally, Seed is my least favorite song from the album as a whole, for similar reasons to L.V.B.D. but in a, more gross kinda way that conflicts with my ace side. The song still sounds great musically for sure. Even tho I’m not super crazy abt the song, I actually really like how this drawing came out, in fact it might be my favorite out of the whole batch, ironically enough lol. The boys are looking down into a hole from the line “there’s no more grace to fall from, there’s nowhere left to go but down” and I'm really happy with how the perspective turned out!

12: Fluorescein

Finally, Fluorescein is my favorite song of the entire album, and my favorite song in general! It’s so aggressive and loud, I love it. I decided to draw PB confronting a giant Shep bc the song makes me feel like I can take on a huge adversary and win >:] Although I do like what I chose to do here, I kinda wish I had come up with something better to represent my all time favorite song lol

So in conclusion, like I said, Humanistic is my all time favorite album and it means so much to me. Really all of AP’s work really means a lot to me, but Humanistic in particular. I found the band through watching Clone High and I am all the better for it. So thank you to Abandoned Pools for making something that I’ve gotten so much out of and I absolutely cannot wait for the sixth album coming at the end of next year!! :D

So I hope you guys liked this little trip down memory lane with me, and if you're also an enjoyer of Abandoned Pools, please let me know what you think of these and what your favorite AP songs are! I'd love to know! And if you don't listen to Abandoned Pools, I highly recommend their music if you can't tell lol. If you enjoy early 2000s alt rock sort of stuff, there's a solid chance you'll enjoy Abandoned Pools :3

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Current Top Ten 2NE1 Songs

Okay, I mentioned "Gotta Be You" a little while ago, and I've been streaming 2NE1's discography nonstop since then. So now I have to impulse-write this one, because I forgot how much I love their music and I absolutely must screech about it!! I think EXID is my favorite second-gen group, actually, but 2NE1 is a very close second--they have the kind of star power that I'm completely in awe of. I got into 2NE1 in 2020, via Angelina from ktube, so I've never experienced a comeback from them (though let's just say Park Bom's "Do Re Mi Fa Sol" took over my life for a good while when it came out), but I've still made so many memories with their music over the past four years & have plenty to say about it!

1. Gotta Be You

One of those perfect pop songs--it's almost four minutes long (cue the cheering from fifth-gen stans!!), and each moment feels perfectly engineered to be a dopamine rush all on its own. It's bright and full of life, and even after four years of being a mainstay on my playlists, I still find myself obsessing over this one.

2. Fire

This could easily be my favorite debut ever, though I'd hate to overlook Lucy's "Flowering" like that! The 2NE1 ladies are SO commanding in this song, and it's crammed full of hooks that have stood the test of time. Even with its quilted-together approach to song structure, "Fire" is pretty much infinitely danceable & never feels jarring. It's a similar style of campy dance-pop to 4Minute's debut with "Hot Issue" (which I also love), but "Fire" is constructed so much more carefully--it has an incessant energy that "Hot Issue" doesn't, and it shows off 2NE1's capabilities so impressively!

3. Lonely

This is definitely the most obvious pick here--of course "Lonely" is in the top three. For newbies: before Blackpink's "Stay", there was 2NE1's "Lonely". This one is such an easy listen, a comforting ballad that never tests your patience. Its hook isn't a big final chorus that you have to wait for, it's the steady presence of the chorus throughout the song that's so simple, yet so satisfying. Though this may not be what you expect from a hit 2NE1 song, it's iconic in its own way.

4. Come Back Home - Unplugged Ver.

If you've ever heard me talk about Blackpink's "Whistle - Acoustic Ver", this should come as no surprise! These two songs occupy similar spaces in my mind. I love that we got this unplugged version, without the beat drop, because it really gives the sadness and longing of "Come Back Home" room to breathe. And the 2NE1 ladies really take advantage of that, too--their line deliveries are crammed with interesting details that really make this track special. Also, CL's rap over acoustic guitar is such a highlight.

5. It Hurts (I usually listen to the Japanese version!)

Yes, this is the third ballad in a row, sorry! This one took me a while to get, but now I'm wailing "YOU'RE NOT MINE ANYMORE !!!!!" right along with them. This whole song is one really slow build, so it took me a while to find the patience for it--but the payoff, with those big emotive high notes, is so worth it.

6. Scream

You really have to look past the second-gen cringe for this one, but I'm more than willing, because "Scream" has quite a bit of depth to it behind that grating post-chorus. This is the best use of Park Bom's vocals like, ever, I think--she sets the chorus on fire. And that bridge is heavenly; after CL's first "I fell in love", my heart melts.

7. Don't Cry (Park Bom solo)

This song saved a friendship for me once, funny enough. I know not everyone loves Park Bom's voice as much as I do--she doesn't have the range of abilities that a lot of other vocalists do, so I get it--but I find her performance here, paired with that fuzzy early-2010's production, just so wonderfully soothing.

8. Ugly

A once-in-a-generation kind of chorus, and 2NE1 have the vocals to back it up.

9. Falling in Love

Yeah, sue me, "Falling in Love" is in the top ten. This is trash, sure, but it's exactly my kind of trash. For being as annoying as it is, this song has some legitimately gorgeous vocal sections, too (what is this, an NCT song?). Like, Minzy's voice in the verses? Oh my god. And CL's first-verse rap may well be 2NE1's best--it's fast-paced but sooo catchy, it flows easily but has quite a bit of kick to it. In conclusion, I can see how people think this is an absolute abomination, but I've never had a bad time listening to it--and I listen to it a lot, believe it or not!

10. Please Don't Go (CL & Minzy)

After I heard the chorus once, I knew I'd never be able to stay away from this song. Be warned: the second-gen cringe is strong here, so this won't be for everyone, but CL & Minzy really perform the hell out of it--they bring "Please Don't Go" some clarity, and it ends up a really addictive pop anthem! And that final chorus, when the vocals (the HARMONIES!!!) get to take center stage?? This song is a gem, truly.

Honorable Mentions: You & I (Park Bom solo), Hate You, Missing You, I am the best (obligatory), I Love You, Hello Bitches (CL solo), Spring (Park Bom & Dara), Lovely (Minzy solo) (there's also a Tagalog version of this one, which is so cool!)

[irradiatedbearchewtoy]

this is written with the intention of being accessible to people who have only watched post-2005 doctor who but who knows how that will go

i want to talk about a really cool controversial-but-not-in-the-way-where-people-are-arguing-about-if-bigotry-is-acceptable-way classic doctor who serial. if you sit until the end, you get to see a selection of alien designs from other 60s serials

if you're familiar with this story, happy humming! if you're not, hopefully you will know exactly what i mean by that very soon.

if you haven't seen classic who—or at least 60s who—before, this may not be the best serial to convince you of how exciting it is, but i'm running on no sleep, a newly released episode, caffeine, and audhd so i'm at least going to try. my apologies for the stream on consciousness; i have tried to make myself somewhat coherent...

the serial in question is the 1966 pure historical 4-parter 'the gunfighters'. pure historical here meaning set in the past with no science fiction elements.

these were standard in the first few years of the show but stopped after 'the highlanders' in late '66/early '67. there was one after that—'black orchid', in '82—but the time period was less relevant and it wasn't to do with any notable historical events or figures.

the first doctor, steven, and dodo land in tombstone, arizona because the doctor has a toothache after eating a sweet in the previous serial, 'the celestial toymaker'—a serial a lot more revival-only fans are now somewhat aware of since the toymaker's appearance in the 60th anniversary special 'the giggle'—and wants to see a dentist. steven and dodo put on awful american accents the whole time. they get caught up with doc holliday (who ends up pulling the doctor's tooth) and wyatt earp, among others.

a song called 'the ballad of the last chance saloon' plays over (almost?) every transition shot. i love it, but not everyone does; people have very strong opinions about that song. if you don't like it, this serial is a lot to swallow, as it plays over 30 times in less than 2 hours. steven is forced to sing this song at gunpoint while dodo plays the piano. i wanted to just insert a still of that but i think some of you who wont watch the serial or search out clips need to see it.

speaking of the gunpoint thing, there's a good chunk of violence in this one. people get shot with actual non-laser guns and someone almost gets hanged, noose around the neck and all. this isn't abnormal for 60s who. before colour came into the picture, the doctor used to whack people around all the time. a personal favourite of mine is in 'the highlanders' when the second doctor beats up a lawyer, gags him, and locks him in a closet. even in the very first serial, 'an unearthly child', a guy is stoned to death on-screen.

'the ballad of the last chance saloon' has been released officially, most widely when it was released on streaming platforms in 2013 as part of a 50th anniversary album. that version was pulled from streaming a while ago, leaving a very sad gap in many of my playlists. even before removal, that version was cut down from the full 10:34 to 3:51!! which is probably a good thing, because that track can be a powerful weapon against the right target. here is the full version, for your listening pleasure.

on top of it just being a fun story that sticks in people's minds because of the music, there are some cool notable production/show lore moments linked to the serial. yes, you can find these all on tardis wiki, shh

doc holliday's actor, anthony jacobs, brought his 10-year-old son to set, as a treat for his birthday (the birthday detail is mentioned in this ABC radio interview from 2022). that son was named matthew jacobs and went on to write the 1996 tv film starring paul mcgann as the eighth doctor.

it was the only (on-screen) story to take place fully in the united states of america until... the tv film!

it marked the last serial for every episode to have its own name. after this, episodes are simply numbered. there are some exceptions later on in the show, but this was the end of the standard practice.

it hosts the only episode title in classic, 'a holiday for the Doctor', to refer to the character of the Doctor as such instead of Doctor Who

was this a big pile of nothing? maybe? but here are your 60s alien photos, as promised. all photos are from the tragical history tour collection! x x

finally, this is an open invitation to reblog adding as much as you wish about the gunfighters or any other classic/wilderness stories that you want to talk about. my only request is that you make it an unhinged as possible. ik that's tall talk considered this post and episode aren't notably unhinged but just go with it, okay?

i kind of want to do a bunch of these just rambling about classic stories to try and get people to actually watch it but i'm not committing to that so. we'll see.

[lia404]

Get to know me better game—2 in 1 because I'm 6 months late

Tagged by: @baratrongirl and @missmewachu

Thanks for being so patient while I was figuring out how Tumblr works again and why I had a blue dot beside "Activity" (as in, notifications about tag games I've been sent 6 months ago. Better late than never 🤦‍♀️) Thankfully the tag games you sent my way are very similar so it won't be hard to do 2 in 1!

Last song I listened to: Chipzel - Courtesy - YouTube

The 1st track of Super Hexagon, composed by Chipzel. Chipzel's music has been a pick-me-up since 201...4 I think? And since I fell back into Super Hexagon around a week ago, the music has also found its way back into my work playlist.

Currently reading: Trick question! There is what I am MEANT to read, and what I am ACTUALLY reading.

What I am MEANT to read is To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose, which has absolutely all the elements I need to love a book. The problem is that my brain absolutely refuses moving further than Chapter 1, and I've been stuck for MONTHS. The good news is that when it happens, I usually struggle until the moment my brain finally snaps and I read the whole book in an afternoon. Wait for me, Moniquill Blackgoose, I'll soon be raving about your book.

What I am ACTUALLY reading is... well, it's more re-reading, but I'm going through Happy Hour by Inkflavored and Keep the Light Shining by Clydeside, two Yu-Gi-Oh AUs that have been incredibly healing for me in the past months, for very different reasons. I wanted to re-experience them to see if I could turn them into fanbinding projects (if the authors give me the authorisation of course, but I haven't reached this level of confidence yet, let's give it time.)

Currently watching: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS.

Do you believe me if I tell you that it was an accident? It kinda was though! I wasn't the one who played the first episodes I just kept going afterwards. That said, I have fully adopted Yusaku. I kind of wish he could meet Philip from Kamen Rider W. Things would go so well.

Currently writing: this one is plain cruel, because after a drought spell of almost 2 years, I finally feel like getting back into writing (thank you, current obsession.)

I have 3 WIPs, one PWP because I like a challenge, one backstory of a character that has basically become my OC, and one AU that @wisyhana created and that I'm using as a wonderful sandbox. I am between 2k and 5k into each, nothing is complete, I'm losing my mind. But at least I'm writing again, right?

Spicy/sweet/savoury: Okay yes no it's cruel again and you will not make me pick just one.

If you've followed me these past years you know that I have completely lost my sense of taste between 2020 and 2023. I was lucky enough, and honestly even the specialised doctor said it was a miracle, to have most of it come back to me abruptly in March 2023, after 3 years unable to enjoy a bit of chocolate or a nice gratin. Some tastes are lost forever, but so few compared to what came back that I just can only be very very grateful and very confident in saying SPICY SWEET SAVOURY I'LL TAKE THEM ALL. I LOVE TASTES. ALL OF THEM.

Relationship status: I have been told polyamory looks good on me.

And I am lucky to have the most patient and tolerant lovers ever. EVER. I love them so much and I'm so bad at showing it because I am a mess. There isn't a day where my heart doesn't overflow with gratitude that they are in my life and agree to putting up with my bullshit.

Current obsession: Listen, Mew put it SO ELOQUENTLY I can help but quote:

mentally ill traumatised japanese teenagers and their ancient egyptian guys who hang out in their jewellery all playing card games.

So, yeah, current obsession is Yu-Gi-Oh!, and with it Duel Links, and everything children-card-game-adjacent. I am currently trying to figure out why everyone in this kid's show is so hot and delightfully traumatised. Characters after my own heart, all ready to be projected on and used for cathartic writing purposes. Other obsession is MEW'S FAULT TOO ACTUALLY since it's my newly founded Clan in Flight Rising. Ask me about my dragon Atem.

Favourite colour: I like my colour like my wine—burgundy. (I actually like all sort of shades of purple, violet and red, but I don't know how to list them.)

Tagging: Wow uh who do I know around here who is still active?

@twilightknight17 for sure (although I'm sure you already did it), @wingsonghalo maybe? Uuuh, I think @the-wanderer-of-thoughts and @istadris? You know, considering how inactive I am here, I think it's already a lot, but if you're not in the list and want to do it too, be my guest!

[btsqualityy]

Y.O.U (Years Of Us), Chapter 4: Decisions Made Out of Hurt

Jimin x half black/half Korean OC

Genre/Rating: 21+, established relationship, idol!AU, smut, angst, and fluff

Summary: Kamaria gets back to work on her upcoming album, runs into Jimin, and has her perspective (slightly) altered after a conversation with him. 

Warnings: Mention of drug addiction and a rehab visit. 

WC: 4.1K

Song Of The Chapter: Demi Lovato ft Lil Wayne- Lonely

Two weeks later, Kamaria got out of her car at the HYBE building, making sure to lock the doors before she walked inside. After promotions for ‘Taming’ wrapped up, Kamaria was determined to get back into the studio. It had been two years since her fourth album and she had missed performing more than anything in the world. 

Well, almost anything. 

Once she had checked into the building and allowed the elevator to take her to the seventh floor, she instantly went to the fourth door on the right side of the hallway, typing the code into the keypad and waiting for the door to beep twice before pulling it open. 

“Well, well, well,” Yoongi smiled as he turned around in his chair and watched Kamaria step into his studio. “Long time, no see.”

“I just saw you in November, at MMA remember?” Kamaria chuckled. “Don’t start this dramatic shit.”

“What can I say? I have a flair for it,” he laughed, standing up and waiting until she had stepped closer to pull her into a tight hug. “How are you, kiddo?”

“I’m ok, can’t complain,” she shrugged as she hugged him back. “How are you?”

“Busy with work, as always,” he joked. “Here, have a seat.” Kamaria did as he instructed, taking a seat in the chair that had been placed next to his before she set her purse on top of the nearby table. “So, how’s the album coming along so far?”

“Well, I think I have about 50% of it done so far but as I started to think about what else I wanted to include on the album, your name popped into my mind,” she explained. “We haven’t worked on anything together since my first album and Lonely is still one of my favorites.”

“It’s one of mines too,” Yoongi smiled. “But uh, are you sure about us working together? I mean, there’s a reason why we haven’t collaborated since your first album all those years ago.”

“You just had to go and bring that shit up,” Kamaria huffed. 

.........................................................

5 Years Ago

After fulfilling her contractual obligations to SM Entertainment, Kamaria had been looking for a change. Though the company was amazing to her and had been an amazing fit for her mother, she had realized that she wanted more creative control when it came to what messages she was putting into her music. Through her friendship with Jimin, she became acquainted with Bang Sihyuk who welcomed her to BigHit Entertainment with open arms. 

“I have to say, Kamaria, I cannot wait to get into the studio with you,” Bang PD confessed as the two of them walked down one of the numerous hallways in the HYBE building together after she signed her artist contract. “I hope that doesn’t make me sound too excited.”

“It’s fine because I’m just as excited,” Kamaria laughed. “Some of my favorite KPop songs ever have been ones that you wrote.”

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say that makes me blush a bit,” he joked, making Kamaria laugh again. As the two of them walked, they heard a sudden commotion coming from the artists’ lounge and as Kamaria listened closer, she realized that one of the raised voices was coming from Jimin. 

“Um, sorry to have to end this on such short notice but I think I should go see what’s going on,” Kamaria said.

“I think so too,” Bang PD nodded. “I’ll have Nari-ssi get in touch with you with your new schedule for recording.”

“Yes, thank you,” she nodded, doing a light bow before she rushed away from her new boss and as she rushed down the hallway, she could hear the voices of the other Bangtan members getting louder and louder. By the time she made it to the open doorway, nothing could’ve prepared her for what she saw. 

Jimin and Yoongi had their arms wrapped around each other, trying to wrestle one another down onto the ground and throwing blows at whatever inches of skin that they could reach. The other members were left trying to break the two of them up although if Kamaria wasn’t mistaken, some of them looked like they wanted to let the fight take place. 

“What the fuck are you guys’ doing?!” Kamaria shouted as she rushed forwards, instantly going over to Jimin and pulling on his shirt along with Jungkook and Taehyung. At the sound of her voice, Jimin released his grip on Yoongi and allowed himself to be pulled away. “What the hell is going on?!”

“This dumb ass has decided not to resign,” Yoongi growled and Kamaria’s eyes widened because Jimin hadn’t said anything to her about that. 

“Are you serious?” She gasped before looking over at Jimin. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to do more solo work and I can’t do that with the group constantly hanging over my head,” he explained. 

“Say it like that again and I’ll kill you,” Yoongi threatened and Jin and Hobi tightened their grips on his arms just to be safe. 

“Jimin decided to tell us about his decision after we’ve already started contract negotiations as seven members,” Namjoon elaborated. “We were very clear on our plans before Jin hyung and Yoongi hyung went to the military so we’re not understanding the sudden change.”

“The sudden change came when he had his solo debut and started smelling his own shit,” Yoongi spat.

“I haven’t been smelling my own shit,” Jimin shot back.

“Actually, you have been,” Hobi interjected. “You’ve been acting every different every since ‘Here I Am’ came out and every solo comeback you’ve had since. Nothing against you personally but it’s the truth.”

“Maybe because I want to explore more of my own artistry,” Jimin explained. “I don’t want to be held back by my commitments to the fucking group, like I have been for years now.”

“We were holding you back?!” Yoongi snorted as he began to struggle against Jin and Hobi’s hold. “You wouldn’t be shit without us and you fucking know it!”

“There’s only three of us that pack in the fucking stadiums and it’s definitely not you, hyung,” Jimin said mockingly. “So I think it’s actually the other way around.”

“Ungrateful son of a bitch!” Yoongi roared before breaking free of the hold on his arms and charging towards Jimin again, literally tackling him onto the ground. This time, it took the members much longer to break the two of them apart while Kamaria was forced to do nothing but watch and call out to Jimin, hoping that he’d rein himself back in. 

“Get the fuck off of me!” Jimin hollered as he got up off of the ground once Yoongi had finally been pulled off of him. “I fucking quit!”

“Jimin hyung,” Jungkook called out but Jimin brushed him off before he stormed out of the lounge. 

“I’ll talk to him,” Kamaria said before rushing out behind her best friend. Once she caught up to him, Jimin didn’t stop to hear her out and even eight hours later, as he paced back and forth in Kamaria’s apartment, he still refused to see reason. 

“Listen, I understand where you were coming from,” Kamaria said from her place on the couch. “Bangtan has always been insular and it’s hard to go back to that once you’ve opened up more.”

“Ex-fucking-actly.”

“But couldn’t you just communicate that to them without all the extra aggressiveness?” She wondered. 

“They wouldn’t hear me out, Bubs because they never do!” Jimin exclaimed. “I don’t want to be just ‘Jiminie from BTS’ anymore. Once I started making my own music, I just saw everything that I could be and it’s so much more than I could’ve ever dreamed.”

“And you really think Bangtan is holding you back from that?” 

“I do,” he confirmed with a nod. “And I know myself. Despite what happened today, I do love my members and I’d do anything for them but I also know that my loyalty to them is holding me back. Think about it. Yoongi hyung’s been back from the military for six months and what I have done solo since then?”

“Nothing but you told me you guys had discussed that,” Kamaria pointed out. 

“More like the hyungs discussed it and I just agreed to it,” he corrected her. “I’ve grown so much as an artist in the last three years and I don’t want to lose the momentum that I have going.”

“And that’s worth you imploding a 15 year friendship?” She questioned. “Because of your fucking ego, basically?”

“Call it what you want but I’ve made my decision,” Jimin shrugged as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small pill bottle. “I’m going to finish another mini album and promote that for the next six months before I go to do my military service. Once I’m out, the only thing I’ll have to worry about is myself and my music.” 

Kamaria didn’t say anything else, instead just watching worriedly as he pulled a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it down dry. 

.........................................................

“Look, the only reason why I haven’t worked with you was out of respect for my prior relationship,” Kamaria explained. “Which you can’t blame me for. I mean, you gave him a black eye and a bloodied lip.”

“Which I’d do again in a heartbeat because he fucking deserved it for being a prick,” Yoongi chuckled. “But it must feel good to get rid of the old ball and chain, huh? I never did know what you saw in his ass.”

“Anyways,” she rolled her eyes. “Let’s get to work, if you remember how to do that.”

“Oh, I have a whole folder of beats that are awaiting your gorgeous voice,” he smiled as he turned to face his desktop. “Let’s do it, kiddo.”

Once the session started, Kamaria found herself easily slipping into the routine. Making music was like therapy for her and after the last few months, she fucking needed it. 

A few hours later, Kamaria stood next to the door of Yoongi’s studio while he locked up. 

“I’d forgotten how fucking good you are,” Yoongi chuckled. “I can’t believe we wrote and laid the entire song down today.”

“Me either but I love it,” she gushed happily. “I definitely want it on the album.”

“Good, as long as you don’t try to rope me into performing it with you,” he said as he turned to face her, motioning with his hand for her to lead the way down the hall. 

“Oh come on,” she giggled. “We’ve never performed together before and it would be fun.”

“Pay me enough and we can talk,” he chuckled. 

“Pay you enough for what?” Jimin wondered as he stepped out from around a corner, smirking when Kamaria and Yoongi simultaneously rolled their eyes at the sight of him. “Hello Bubs.”

“Hi,” Kamaria deadpanned. 

“So, she’s the only person you see?” Yoongi asked. 

“Hello hyung,” Jimin smiled but Kamaria could tell that it was completely fake. “How are you?”

“Eat a dick,” Yoongi snapped before turning to glance at Kamaria. “I’m going home. Call me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Ok, and thanks for today,” Kamaria smiled softly, giving him a quick hug before he continued to walk down the hall away from them. Once he was out of earshot, Jimin narrowed his eyes at her. 

“You’re working with Yoongi now?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m no longer with you and don’t have to worry about bruising your ego anymore,” Kamaria shrugged. 

“Nice to know whose side you’re on,” he snickered. 

“I was never on anyone’s side in that and you know it. I thought all of you were being idiots,” she reminded him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.” She moved to walk past him but when she did, he reached out and grabbed onto her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. “You know, you’re making a really bad habit of grabbing me and my fist is just aching for a face to punch these days.”

“Can we talk?” Jimin wondered. “Like, really talk?”

“If you ask me about being your fucking surrogate again, I swear-,”

“No, not about that,” he shook his head. “I want to explain things to you from my side. About Hye-ja, why I did what I did, everything.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” She chuckled in disbelief. “You made it very clear who and what you wanted when you married her.”

“But don’t act like it hasn’t always been you,” Jimin stated firmly. 

“It’s hard to believe that when you’re sporting another woman’s ring on your finger.”

“Have I ever lied to you?” He questioned and that had Kamaria pausing for thought. Jimin was a lot of things: an asshole, egotistical, somewhat clingy, and selfish. However, the man had never lied to her and she couldn’t deny that.

“No.”

“I know I’ve hurt you. I can see it in your eyes,” Jimin murmured. “The least I can do is be honest with you, if you’ll let me?” As Kamaria looked into his eyes, those brown eyes that she had found herself getting lost in so many times before, she felt that familiar feeling washing over her again. 

“Ok,” she agreed. “When and where?”

“If you’re not busy, I’d like to do it tonight,” he told her. “Say, my place, 7:00pm?”

“I’ll be there,” Kamaria agreed, her breathing hitching in her throat when Jimin suddenly leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss onto her forehead before pulling back.

“See you then, Bubs,” he smiled before turning and walking away. 

“I’m such an idiot,” Kamaria muttered to herself, grabbing her sunglasses from her bag and slipping them onto her face before making her way out of the HYBE building. 

.........................................................

Later that night, Kamaria found herself pulling her car up to the code box of Jimin’s house. His house could really be considered a mansion by modern standards, two stories with five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a home studio, a large backyard with a pool, and even a full scale movie room. 

Rolling down the driver’s side window, Kamaria reached out and quickly pressed the numbers ‘514′ onto the keypad, her eyes widening when the gate beeped before it slowly began to open. 514 was the date of their anniversary and she was somewhat, but not completely, surprised that Jimin hadn’t gotten around to changing it. 

As she pulled up the driveway and parked her car right in front of the front steps, she had barely gotten her foot out of the car when the front door to the house swung open. 

“Bubs!” Jimin called and in spite of everything, Kamaria found herself smiling as she walked up the steps. 

“Hey.”

“You look amazing,” he praised and Kamaria rolled her eyes.

“I’m wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt,” she scoffed. “Be for real.”

“I am,” he huffed, opening the door wider and allowing her to step inside. “And you have your hair in my favorite style.” Kamaria smiled at that, knowing Jimin well enough to know that he went weak in the knees anytime she had braids in her hair and especially when she put them up into a ponytail on top of her head. 

“Look, you wanted to talk so let’s talk,” Kamaria said once she had taken off her jacket and gotten her shoes off of her feet. 

“You’re not hungry?” Jimin asked as he began to walk backwards towards the kitchen. “I have food on the stove. Come on.”

“Jimin,” she whined but when he continued to walk away from her, she just sighed heavily before following behind him. Once she made it into the large kitchen, Jimin was already in front of the stove stirring something in a large pot so Kamaria walked over to him and hopped up to sit on the counter next to him. 

“So, where’s Hye-ja?” She couldn’t help but to inquire. 

“Not here.”

“Is she gonna be here? I mean, she does live here,” Kamaria pointed out.

“No, she doesn’t and she never has,” Jimin confessed, throwing her a quick glance before refocusing his gaze on the pot. 

“What? So the two of you have been living separately since you got married?”

“Yep. She said something to the effect of ‘”I’ve worked too hard to just give up my house and plus, I don’t even like the design of your house”,” he recited.

“She doesn’t like this house?” Kamaria gasped. “It’s gorgeous. I remember when you bought it.”

“I’d hope you would remember because you’re the one that convinced me to get it,” Jimin chuckled. “Pretty sure you threatened my life about it too.”

“Hey, a good piece of real estate makes me passionate,” she joked. A comfortable silence settled over them then, and Kamaria took the opportunity to look inside of the simmering pot. “Uh, Jimin? What is this?”

“Kimchi jjigae.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I’m sure,” he huffed. 

“It doesn’t look like it,” she observed. 

“Looks can be deceiving sometimes,” Jimin smiled. “Trust me, it’ll taste the way you taught me to make it.”

“I still don't’ know how you used to cook for me so much but had no idea how to make kimchi jjigae,” Kamaria giggled. “And it was so easy!”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault,” he shot back. “I had my parents, you, and the hyungs so I had no need to learn.”

“You’re spoiled.”

“Loved, actually and there’s a difference.”

“Whatever,” she smiled. Not too much later, the stew was done and the two of them were sat together at the table placed in Jimin’s dining room, their full bowls, one glass of wine and one cup of water in front of them. 

“So,” Kamaria spoke up, wanting to get right down to things because she wanted answers. “How did you and Hye-ja even meet?”

“Well, I’ve always known of her,” Jimin began. “I’d see her around at different events and award shows, stuff like that. I even did an OST for a drama that she was in back before I did my enlistment. She used to flirt with me whenever she saw me but I never paid it any attention because I was in love with you, even before we officially got together three years ago.”

“When you and I broke up, I was heartbroken and I had holed myself up in this house,” he continued. “Taehyung was the one who broke me out of my funk and dragged me out to Hye-ja’s latest premiere. When I saw her again, she was just as flirty and this time, I welcomed it. She gave me her number and we ended up talking on the phone every night for weeks afterward. She gave me attention and made me feel wanted, which is the exact opposite of how I had felt when you and I ended things.”

“As we talked, it just seemed like we wanted a lot of the same things,” he told her. “She’s the same age as me and it seemed like we were on the same timeline when it came to getting married and starting a family so I thought it could work. Admittedly, I also didn’t want to miss my opportunity to have the family that I’ve always dreamed of and since it seemed like you were really done with me, I took my chance. I asked her to marry me and she accepted. We got married in Tokyo a month after her movie premiere.”

“And where does the whole surrogate thing come in at?” Kamaria wondered. 

“Once we got back to Korea and Hye-ja saw some of the bad press we got for a ‘fake and rushed marriage’, she decided that she wanted to hold off on having kids for the time being,” Jimin explained. “And after that, it seemed like everything just unraveled. We have more differences than I thought and we barely see each other because she’s obsessed with working.” 

“Wow,” Kamaria murmured, slowly dragging her spoon through her stew. Although she was still angry as hell at the way Jimin had gone about things and how he had let them play out, she still could understand his point of view. He had made a decision out of pain, only to have it all blow up in his face. 

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled. 

“I feel for you Jimin, I really do but I never told you that we were totally done,” she pointed out. 

“Can you blame me for thinking that after I woke up to all of your stuff gone and only a note left behind?” Jimin scoffed. “You said you needed space.”

“And I did need space.”

“Between that and all the times I proposed to you, only to be turned down, what was I supposed to think?”

“Your definition of asking someone to marry you changes everyday,” Kamaria responded. “Randomly asking me over cereal in the morning or over the phone or when I’m mad at you because I caught you popping pills is not a proposal.”

“....You didn’t have to throw that in my face,” Jimin grumbled. 

“And I’m not trying to but it’s the truth,” she stated firmly. “You had an addiction issue and I know you went to rehab and have been fine since you got out...right?”

“Right.”

“But it just made me rethink everything,” she finished. “I wanted everything you did Jimin and you know that. Marriage, kids, the whole shebang but I was not going to do it while you were using drugs and then fresh into recovery, especially not after what I’ve been through with my mama. I love you but I refuse to love you to death, and that’s something I’m standing on.”

“I understand Bubs,” Jimin said, reaching across the table with his hands out. Hesitantly, Kamaria set down her spoon and set her hands in Jimin’s, allowing him to squeeze them tightly. “When I came back from rehab, it seemed like everything was fine between us so I assumed that our relationship was one that I wouldn’t have to worry about mending. I guess I was wrong, huh?”

“I-” Kamaria began to say but she was cut off by the sound of the front door opening and closing followed by a loud voice calling Jimin’s name. Kamaria instantly snatched her hands out of Jimin’s, her eyes widening when she saw the person that the voice belonged to walk into the dining room. 

Kim Hye-ja was stunning and even Kamaria could admit that. She stepped into the room dressed immaculately in a light blue two piece suit, Jimmy Choo heels glistening in the light. Her long black hair was slicked back away from her face, showing off her stunning facial structure. 

“Jiminie!” Hye-ja exclaimed and Jimin stood up then, opening his arms just in time for Hye-ja to crash into him in a tight hug. Kamaria couldn’t help but to grimace and she had to physically turn her head when Hye-ja kissed her husband firmly. 

“What are you doing here, Hye?” Jimin asked. “I thought you were going to stay in Jeju after your photoshoot.”

“I was but I decided to come back to Seoul so that we could be together,” she smiled before looking over at Kamaria. “Oh my gosh, you’re Kamaria.”

“Hi,” Kamaria smiled softly and Hye-ja rushed over to her side of the table, bowing lightly and grabbing onto her hand to shake it in greeting. 

“It’s so amazing to finally meet you!” Hye-ja chirped happily. “I know you’re one of Jimin’s best friends.”

“Yeah,” Kamaria nodded. “It’s nice to meet you too, Hye-ja-ssi.”

“Please, you don’t have to be so formal with me,” she insisted. “Any friend of Jimin is a friend of mines.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Kamaria replied. 

“I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?” Hye-ja questioned suddenly after seeing the bowls of food and Kamaria’s glass of wine. “I know you don’t get to see each other often.” 

Oh, if only she knew.

“Nah, you’re fine,” Jimin spoke up. “I ran into Bub-, Kamaria at the HYBE building when I went to record today and invited her over.”

“But I was actually just on my way out,” Kamaria announced, standing up from her chair. 

“Well, we have to plan something soon so that you and I can get to know each other more,” Hye-ja suggested. 

“Sure,” Kamaria smiled falsely. “I’ll see you around, Jimin.”

“Let me walk you out,” he offered but Kamaria shook her head. 

“I’m good, don’t worry. Stay with Hye-ja-ssi, I’m sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do.”

“That we do,” Hye-ja smiled as she wrapped her arms around Jimin. Quickly making her way to the front door, she stuffed her feet into her shoes and grabbed her jacket and purse, holding both in her hands as she rushed out of the front door. Switching on the ignition and throwing the car into drive, she fled down the driveway, flying through the gates and out onto the streets of Seoul. 

“Every time,” she muttered to herself. “Every fucking time.”

.........................................................

Tag List:  @dunixxd @namaslaylife @shabbamadapot

[emilyssky]

Chapter 4: City Lights And Past Lives.

PAIRING: Lee Know! X fem!reader

GENRE(S): college au, smut, angst

WARNINGS: Mentions of violence and abuse, depression, self harm, eating disorders etc.. mentions of blood, swearing, smoking, smut [ dirty talk, oral; giving and receiving, chocking, spanking, praising, degradation, pet names, sometimes Minho is a dick :)

SUMMARY: "Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?"  

"What?"

"You said; Always leave people a little better than you found them" he looked at the floor with a small smile for a few seconds and then his eyes found mine. "You really annoyed me when we first met. I envied your optimism and excitement for life. But each time I saw you, I felt a certain thrill. You made me angry, you made me laugh., you made me feel everything. Something about you made me feel a little more alive each time. I know I fucked up and I know I'm an asshole but I'm also brutally in love with you."    

Minho's POV:

1 year ago.

I solved my phone back in my pocket, choosing to ignore Jisung's messages. I know I'm probably being a dick right now, but he's used to it and he understands. That's one of the things I like about him. He doesn't ask much, he simply knows. He knows when he has to push me and when he has to let me push myself. I take another puff of the remaining bits of my cigarette and throw it on the ground. I lift my hood, trying to protect the sides of my face from the cold, but I keep shivering. My brain is so numb right now that the physical pain is the only thing that I can feel. On days like this, I honestly miss being 16 and getting my ass kicked by my dad, cause at least then the pain in my body was stronger than the voices in my head. As the years went by I found other ways though. As much as I hated him, I got addicted to the pain. I used it as my own personal punishment. The self-loath that he caused me made me crave it. I found similar pain in things like drugs and alcohol and started getting off by inflicting pain on others. Girls I would use and dump, friends I would treat like shit, people that would try to help me that I would lie to. I did anything to remind myself that I had power. That I wasn't the scared little boy he would beat the shit out of. I wasn't someone who was only capable of kneeling and taking beatings. I was strong. I was in control. I wasn't the one in pain.

I didn't wanna deal with anything. Or anyone. And I know that running away from you're problems is not doing shit. I know that I have to go back and deal with this but right now, I just want the world to be quiet. I want everything to go away for a few minutes so that I can have some space to fucking breathe. I jog up the stairs that lead to the roof. I've been coming here whenever I wanted to just get away for a little. This place was already at the top of my 'fuck everything, I wanna be alone' list, but since that night, I've been coming here kinda hoping to see her again. I know that that's not actually what I want. I can't deal with another confrontation, but I want the silence that came with her. It was like all my walls were replaced with mirrors and as she talked my mind backed off more and more, leaving me completely alone, listening. I was listening. For the first time, someone didn't force me to talk about anything or explain myself. All I had to do was sit and listen to her comforting me. Reminding me that; it's going to be okay. After that night, her words lived in my head rent-free. You know how most people have a song that, whenever everything goes to shit, they just put their headphones on and simply listen to it, and for these 3-4 minutes everything else fades away. That's how I kept her in my mind. Like a comfort song that I've been having on repeat ever since then. I force my legs to climb the last flight of stairs, finally reaching the top. I tilt my head a bit, looking at the half-open door with confusion. It's almost 4 in the morning. I place my hand on the door handle, and just as I'm about to pull it even more open, a figure flashes through the small gap of the open door. I move my head further into the door's opening, narrowing my eyes, trying to spot the person again, but the moon being the only source of light, doesn't help. They step into my line of vision again. The long hair makes me realise that it's a girl. She extends her foot and lifts herself up in a fouetté,  which I instantly recognise. Her turns are surprisingly clean. Her body keeps moving around the roof, occasionally leaving my limited line of vision. Her back is facing me, not allowing me to see her face. I stand there behind the door, completely magnetised by her dance. She must be a student here. I lean a bit forward trying to catch a glimpse of her face as she jumps and turns. She bends her back backwards, her head and hands handing beautifully and I freeze. I realise that the huge amount of weed that I've smoked hasn't made me completely numb after all cause I swear I just felt my heart skipping a beat. Her eyes are closed as she stays in position, rolling her head and hands to the music that's probably coming from the Air-pods that are now visible in her ears. Her face twitches with emotion and my hold on the door tightens. It's her. Questions, questions, questions. So many questions run through my head. So many emotions overwhelm me. Fuck, I must be so too high right now. I've thought about her way more than I like to admit. Now she stands here, in front of me. And I don't move, I stay hidden behind the door, watching her dance with tears on her face. I don't wanna talk to her. I don't wanna know her name or why she's crying. I just wanna watch her. And the more I do the more my heart tightens cause the memories that she awakes hurt. She dances so much like Mia, that it's ridiculous, I swear I see her face at some point. I know that I only hurt myself more by sitting here and watching her but I'm completely mesmerised by the way she moves. She's the perfect combination of uncontrollable passion and technique. She's using so much power in such a tender and light way, that I'm jealous. I miss dancing like that. I miss the emotional freedom that I felt whenever I danced. I let myself slide down the side of the wall soundlessly, and rest my head against it. There she is again. My little mirror.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Y/n's POV: The next few days went by in a blur. Wake up, go to class, come home, practice, and go to sleep. Every day is basically the same but I'm not really bothered by it, routine is good, I like having a routine. It's safe. It doesn't make me anxious and everything is scheduled. Dance has been hard though. Correction after correction, my annoyance grew. I was making no progress.

.

.

.

"I don't know y/n. Isn't it a bit short?" Emma is standing in front of the mirror, tugging her tight blue dress down, unsuccessfully.

"Em, you look fucking amazing. Blue is the perfect colour for blondes, and you're boobs look incredible." I praise her in an attempt to boost her almost nonexistent confidence as I put my hoops on. "Seungmin is going to be hard from the minute you walk in, bet" I stand beside her in the mirror, taking a look at myself. We look completely different. She's wearing a blue strapless dress with white heels that make her almost as tall as I am. Her long blonde hair falls in loose curls down her bare back and her light makeup looks almost flawless. On the other hand, I'm wearing leather pants that are tight around my waist but a bit baggier around my thighs and a simple strapless black top. I've straightened my naturally curly hair and kept my makeup the same as every time with black eyeliner and a dark red colour on my lips.

"You're one to talk." She bumps her hip to mine "You're hot as hell"

"Stop" I roll my eyes, smiling at her.

"Is Chan picking us up?" She asks as she fills her purse with makeup and other stuff.

"Um no, Hyunjin's picking us up." I grab my jacket and walk to the living room. Emma follows shortly.

"Great, are they going to text you when-"

My phone interrupts her and we smile at each other. Hyunjin's name flashes across the screen. Wow, he's actually on time, that's a first. I answer and put him on speaker.

"We're here bitches." Hyunjin yells.

"We'll be down in five." I say and hang up.

"Let's go." Emma says with excitement and we walk out the door.

Felix rolls down his window from the passenger's seat and lets out a loud whistle. "Damn." He yells.

"Hello ladies," Hyunjin says as we enter the car.

"Hey," I say. "You're exactly on time. I'm proud of you.."

"Okay, you're both hot" Hyunjin comments as he drives off.

"You sound surprised. " Emma says and I giggle.

"You know what I mean" Hyunjin's eyes are focused on the road as he speaks.

"Is Jisoo not coming?" I ask.

"No, Seungmin only invited us, and since I don't really know them that long I didn't wanna push it and ask to bring someone else. Plus, we're not 'together ' together anyway." he shrugs.

"Come on now, you've been seeing each other for like, a year and you're completely obsessed with her." They've been fucking around for so long but even though they never made it official, we all know that they have feelings for each other.

"I'm not, shut up" Hyunjin tries to contain his smile.

After a few minutes, we pull to an apartment complex.

"It's not far from our apartment. " Emma comments as walks to the door.

"We could stay over at your place if we get too wasted and none of us can drive. It's like 10 minutes away." Hyunjin says.

"Sure, we'll probably have an extra bed anyway 'cause Em will hopefully not come home tonight."  I wrap my hand around her shoulders.

"If you're anything like that in front of him, I'll physically hurt you." She attempts to threaten me but both me and the boys just laugh.

The music can be heard from down the hall, and we had to ring the bell at least 5 times before a guy opened the door.

"Hi" he smiles at us.

"Hi, Jeongin" Emma gives him a quick hug. The guys simply nod at him and follow Emma inside the apartment.

"Hi, I'm y/n" I shake his hand.

"I know, Chan told me you were coming. It's nice to meet you, I'm Jeongin" He has a nice smile. He's tall, with dark hair, brown eyes, and perfect eyebrows. He looks like he could be a model.

I take a step to his left, inside."Is Chan here?" I lean into him a bit cause it's so crowded in here that I could easily get lost.

"Yeah, I think he's in the kitchen." He says, closing the door. Emma, Hyunjin, and Felix have already disappeared. There are more people than I was expecting, Emma made it sound like it was a private party, but there are at least 60 people here.

"The kitchen.." I trail off as I look through the crowd, trying to find it. I hear him laugh from behind me.

"Come with me" He touches my back lightly before moving in front of me, guiding me to the kitchen. I instantly spot Chan's blond hair. He's with Changbin and some other people pouring shots.

"Hi" I go up to him from behind and he instantly smiles when he sees it's me. His hair is a mess and his cheeks are flushed.

"Oh my god, heyyyyy" He pulls me into a hug and I giggle.

"Are you drunk already?" I love drunk Chan. He hardly drinks that much but when he does he's one of the funniest people ever.

"Tipsy," he corrects me pointing a finger at me "Tipsy is the right word dear"

He pours two more shots and he gives one to me and one to Jeongin who's still standing beside me.

"Let's get it" Changbin yells and we all drown our shots. . . .

.

.

The energy in this house is crazy and at this point, everyone is pretty much drunk, including me and I'm loving it. I found myself dancing on tables, playing games, chatting with people, and actually smiling. For a moment I felt like my old self again and I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I possibly can. So I drank more and danced more until the thoughts in my head about what I should and shouldn't do were gone. Currently, Emma and Seungmin are nowhere to be found, Felix has been following Hyunjin's drunk ass around cause he has thrown up 2 times already, Chan is playing beer pong with Changbin and some other girls and I'm dancing with Jisung and Jeongin. Turns out Jisung is a really good dancing partner and has been filling up Hyunjin's spot all night. Well, I did threaten him not to leave my side. Jeonjin is also a really nice guy, super funny, and easy to be around. Even if I don't wanna admit it, my eyes have been searching for Minho ever since I got here but he's nowhere to be found. I know I shouldn't really care, he hasn't been particularly nice to me but that doesn't really stop my growing curiosity about him. The temperature in the room is incredibly hot. My hair is sticking to my back and I feel like my whole face is on fire, the amount of alcohol that I've consumed doesn't really help. My breaths are getting shorter and sharper as I push my body to move to the music between Jisung and Jeongin. The minute I feel my stomach turning I knew I had to slow down for a bit. I needed air.

"I'm going to get some air, I'm sweating so fucking much." I yell over the music to both of them. Jeongin pulls me closer to him by my elbow.

"Do you want me to take you?" He says to my ear. Jeongin has been my guide through the house the entire night. He's taken me to his room to leave my stuff, and to the bathroom, and he showed me around the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. Emma was right, this place is huge.

"No, I got this one." I reassure him. I make my way upstairs and walk down the hall, to the last room, where we left our stuff. I remember that there was a small balcony and when I open the door, I'm happy to see that I remembered correctly. I carefully pull open the small balcony door oven and step out, letting the cool air hit my skin. My ears are ringing from the loud music, my eyes can't really focus on anything and my mind is a blur, unable to think about anything. In this moment I find myself smiling, cause in this moment everything is silent. The apartment is pretty high up, giving the guys access to an incredible view. I notice a small flight of stairs to my left. I look at them curiously, before slowly walking up, my drunken state not making it easy for me. When I reached the top, I looked around only to realise that I'm on a small rooftop. My eyes light up at the sight and a giggle escapes me. Rooftops make me happy. I wish our apartment had one.

"Okay, now who's stalking who?" A low voice says and my head snaps to the left. Minho's sitting on the floor with a cigarette between his lips. There he is. Has he been up here this whole time?

"I didn't even know you were here." I protest, taking a step forwards but stumbling a bit on my own feet.

Minho let out a low raspy laugh. "How come every time we meet on a rooftop you're always drunk? " He snorts "Is that like a thing? Whenever you get drunk you search for a rooftop?"

I keep my eyes on the sky in front of me. "I like rooftops," I smile as I begin to walk aimlessly around. "Something about being so high, no walls around me, a clear view of the sky, makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, it calms me down." I grab the railing and take a look downwards to see how far up are we.

"Get away from the railing, you're drunk." Minho's voice comes out louder than before. I look at him over my back. He's now standing, his cigarette rests between his fingers and his eyes are set on my figure.

Interesting.

I turn around, resting my back on the trailing, my hands still gripping it tightly.

Deja vu.

"Or what?" I giggle and lean backward just a bit more. He takes a quick step forward, his free hand extended towards me.

"Y/n, I'm not fucking around, get away." His tone is demanding and his eyes are hard, jaw set. My drunk mind finds his face funny.

"You're funny." I smile at him. He takes a few more steps, carefully.

"I'm not joking." His voice gets low again.

My eyes spark with excitement. "Oops" I lean back furthermore, but his hand comes around my waist pulling me away.

"Do you wanna die?" He says, staring down at me. I know he's half joking but my mouth opens before my mind can think.

"That would be a good way to go." I half smile.

His eyebrows draw together "What?"

"I mean it would be easier right?" I tilt my head at him "It wouldn't be entirely my fault. She got drunk and she fell off the roof sound better than anything else that would make me look weak right?" His face is unreadable, or maybe shocked I can't really tell. He drops his hand from my waist but doesn't say a word. "But either way, I'm weak right Minho?" I say, waving my hands. He clears his throat and looks away from my eyes.

"That's not what I meant I-"

"Cut the bullshit, I know what you meant." A sudden wave of emotions runs through me and I raise my voice slightly. "But let's get one thing straight, you don't know anything." I move closer to him. "You don't know anything about me or what happened. You're so quick to judge me and call me weak and stupid but you don't know shit."His expression changes slightly. A flash of emotion in his eyes that wasn't there before, he opens his mouth and then closes it again. His lips turn into a line and then he exhales loudly.

"It's not like that. I was just trying to help."He finally says.

"I don't need your help Minho. I don't want your fucking pity." I say through my teeth.

His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "I don't pity you y/n" He grabs my hand and without realising it I flinch lightly. He takes a sharp breath, his eyes widening only for a second before he drops his grip on my hand and turns around. He starts walking back and forth, hands on his head, through his hair, over his face, and finally set on his waist.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I begin to apologise.

"Stop," His tone is sharp. He shakes his head. "You're- You're pissing me off."

Pissing him off? "What did I even do?" I honestly ask, frustrated.

"Why are you apologising?" He spins around. I stare at him, no words are coming out of my mouth. I simply stare at him. My chest feels heavy all of a sudden and my eyes fall to the ground.

"What happened to you?" His eyes are searching my face. "I remember a year ago, I met a girl on a rooftop. I was just sitting there when she stumbled through the door, wasted. She was smiling and she talked about life, kindness, and shit. Her eyes were wild and her voice loud and powerful. Her presence was so incredibly bright and I hated it. It pissed me off. It pissed me off because she was everything that I wasn't. The way she viewed the world and the way she talked about people and life made me jealous. I was jealous of her light. It reminded me of a lot of things I missed. I hated it." My eyes can't keep eye contact with him as he speaks. My stomach is a knot, my heart is beating fast, and my head is spinning.

He remembers me.

"Now here we are," He waves his hand around. "A year later, on a rooftop and you're once again drunk. But you're different. And I don't know why, but it makes me mad." My eyes are glued to the ground. My whole body is tensed and I feel more exposed than I should.

"You were right" I finally find my words.

"About what?"

"I'm weak," I nod several times. "And stupid. And I don't have the courage to say to anyone that I was in a shitty relationship. That I was weak enough to be manipulated and lied to and treated like shit. None knows about my childhood or my past in general. I'm scared that everyone would look at me differently. I'm scared that everyone will judge me. Like I did to my mom." I confess. "I promised myself that I would be stronger than she was. Braver and smarter," I laugh. "But of course, I met a guy in my first year of college and I thought I could fix him. I wanted to help him, so I stayed. I made excuses every time something would happen. And he played me. " My eyes begin to burn, desperately holding back the tears. Minho's gaze is hard. From the way he's looking at me, I can tell that he wasn't expecting me to share that much.

"I'm sorry," I sniff and try to look anywhere else. "I tend to overshare when I drink." I laugh awkwardly.

"Was he hitting you?" His question makes me freeze. This is a question I wished I would never hear anyone ask me. It sounds almost unreal.

"In the beginning, it wasn't so bad. Not enough for me to realise I guess. But he did at some point, yes. " My voice falters. "He would get mad often. He would yell. He would throw things, a lot of times dangerously close to me. At times I would try to calm him down, but he would push me, not caring to look where I would land. It wasn't like he was beating me up, we were fighting all the time. It was pushing around, slamming into walls, choking, throwing things. It was the type of beatings that in my mind I could justify cause I wasn't exactly innocent. If I had slapped him and then he had pushed me against the wall and choked me until I begged him to stop, I couldn't blame him completely cause I was the one who had started it. In the beginning, it was sort of exciting, the fighting and the toxicity gave me the kind of rush that made me go back, wanting more. But things started to change and the realization of the situation hit me as hard as the first time he actually slapped me. I would fight, I would yell at him but at some point I became mentally drained and I couldn't really fight back." The words come out of my mouth without me even thinking about them. Like a secret, I was dying to finally say out loud. "Even during sex he was-"

"That's enough" Minho looks at me, disgusted almost. He shakes his head and turns his gaze to the night sky.

"He had a hard childhood. His father treated him like shit. His mother passed away when he was young-" His laugh cuts me off as he turns to look at me.

"I'm not defending him," I whisper." I-I..." I take a deep breath. " I left him. It turns out I was a joke to him. He was supposed to fuck me and move on to the next girl. He had made bets with his friends and I was so naive that I fell right into his little game. The day I found out was the day he lost it and he ended up choking me. When it got to the point that I couldn't really breathe, he snapped back to reality but it was too late. I left him that day"

Minho shakes his head once again, smiling at the ground. His hands are crossed.

"The day we met, I caught him having sex with a blonde bitch at a frat party," I giggle. His eyes shoot up at mine. I drop to the ground and bring my knees to my chest. "And you know what's the saddest part?" I look up at him and smile a little. "I don't even miss him. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him. I miss who I was before him. I'm mad at him for making me feel this weak and I'm more mad at myself for letting him." I honestly say. "I didn't realize it at the time but now looking back, I can see that the more I stayed, the more pieces of myself I was losing. Until it was too late. Now I feel like everything was taken away from me. All that I built myself to be, came crumbling down after him." I let out a breath of relief. I've been keeping all this inside for so long, never having the courage to say anything out loud. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm too emotional right now. Either way, even if he doesn't really care about anything I said, even if doesn't even like me, the feeling of this huge weight finally lifting off of my shoulder is incredible. He takes a seat beside me. His shoulder brushes mine. He smells like vanilla and cigarettes. He doesn't look at me but I keep studying him. His jawline is sharper than a knife and his nose is perfectly straight. His eyelashes are probably longer than mine and the curve of his lips looks almost fake. His side profile is close to perfection.

"The urge to go find him and just beat the shit out of him is so strong right now." He exhales.

"Why? You have already expressed how much you don't like me and how I piss you off, many times." I giggle at his statement.

"Yeah but people like him piss me off more. " He says. I don't replay, instead, I rest my head on my knees and stare at him. His eyes are still looking forward. " And it's not that I don't like you."

"How did you know?"

"You told me about it the first time I saw you and I've seen it happening too many times." He says. I don't speak. I can't think of anything to say and I don't wanna overstep any boundaries by asking questions. "My father was abusive too," He breaks the silence. "He was an alcoholic. A piece of shit. It was only my mother at first but as the years went by he became violent towards me and my sister. I would fight him off as much as I could, but it would never end well. I remember begging my mother to leave him. 'I love him,' she would say. 'He said he won't do it again' "

He smiles at himself. "I was 17 and my sister 18 at the time. My dad came home drunk as usual. Me and Mia were in our room when we heard the sound of glass shattering. I rushed down the stairs and found a guy that I'd never seen before on top of my mother. He had his hands around her neck, choking her. Another guy was standing next to them, with a lamp in his hand and my dad laying on the floor." He clears his throat. "Um, long story short, he owed them a lot of money, and when he couldn't pay they came to find him. I did everything I could to protect my mother and sister but I was just a kid, I couldn't do much but I gave my sister enough time to call the police. My dad along with them ended up in jail." He finally turns to look at me. The emotion in his eyes is noticeable, for once. "It was supposed to end there." He continues. "We were finally free." A pause. "Until my sister started dating this guy."

I can feel my heart tighten, knowing where this is going.

"He was okay. Everything seemed okay, she looked happy so I didn't give it too much thought. They were dating for almost 2 years when they moved together. That's when shit started happening. We were dancing together ever since we were little so both of us decided to study dance naturally. We were practicing together every day so it wasn't easy for her to hide her body. Random bruises on her arms and legs started appearing, her mood started to change, she started skipping classes, and not going out with her friends." He shakes his head almost as if he's trying to shake the images out of his head. "She was this bright person, such a joy to be around. Always smiling." He smiled in such a sad way that my chest tightened. "When she came to practice one day with a bruise on her face, I put two and two together and completely lost it. I beat the shit out of him." He laughs a bitter laugh."She, of course, protected him. She pulled me away, and I yelled at her. I couldn't understand but I saw it in her eyes. She looked at me the way my mother looked at me whenever I would tell her to leave my dad." A pause "She was supposed to be better," His voice tightened, his tone a little louder. "I didn't understand. I still don't," He breathes. "I didn't speak to her for days, until one day she knocked at my door, late at night, crying hysterically." He takes a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and exhaled. "Turns out she was pregnant with that bastard's baby." He says and I suck a breath. He stays quiet, the silence makes what he said sink in more and more and I feel my heart break at his story.

"I was going to kill him." He looked at me. His face holds no expression but his eyes are swimming with emotions of all kinds. "For real, I was going to end him but she told me she left. She choose the baby over him and she left." I stare at him. That's all I can do honestly. What can I possibly say to him right now? His pain is all too familiar to mine. And I know that there's not much I can say.

"I understand," My voice comes out a bit louder than a whisper. " I understand.  I was supposed to be better too." I offer him a small smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but Jeongin bursts through the door before he has the chance to.

"Oh my god, there you are" He releases a breath, his hand over his heart. "You've been gone for over half an hour." I rise to my feet.

"I'm sorry." I apologise "I wasn't feeling that well. I think I drank too much." I quickly mask my face with a smile.

"You think?" He smirks and I push lightly at him.

"Smoke break?" He looks at Minho and I turn to look back at him as well. Any emotion that was there, has left Minho's face. His expression is entirely natural. Like our talk never happened.

"Yeah." He takes a lighter out of his pocket and lights again the cigarette that I forgot he was holding.

"You should come down, the party is crazy. " Jeongin says, excited and clearly drunk as well.

The corners of Minho's mouth lift a bit ."I'll be there in a few minutes." He reassures him and lets his eyes trail to me for a few seconds before focusing on his cigarette. Jeongin nods, grabs my hand, and leads me down the stairs and back into the room.

"Oh, by the way, Hyunjin has been throwing up nonstop and Felix is panicking."

"What?" I yell.

"Yep." Jeongin's mouth turns into a thin line. He leads me towards the bathroom, where I see Hyunjin with his head on the toilet and Felix leaning against the door frame, his fingers resting at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"I left you for less than an hour." I run to Hyunjin's side. I sit down beside him, brushing some hair out of his face. His eyes are closed, head resting on top of his hand.

"Babysitting Hyunjin feels like my full-time job at this point." Felix jokes, frustration written in his voice.

"You can go back down, I'll take it from here."

He hesitates. "You sure?"

"Yes Felix, go have fun. I'll find him a place to sleep and I'll be down in a few." I reassure him.

"Alright, if anything happens come and get me." He says and basically runs down the stairs.

"Hyunjin? Are you awake?" I say lightly. No respond.

"We can put him in my bedroom if you want. " Jeongin scratches the back of his neck.

"Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, sure" He shrugs and helps me lift Hyunjin. We walk just a few steps down the hall, into a bedroom, and gently drop Hyunjin on the bed. I scan the room, searching for a trashcan. I spot one under the desk, I place it beside the bed just in case he throws up again and turn him to his side before lowering the lights a bit.

"I'll come and check on him in a few. " I say as we make our way out of the room and down the stairs. The party is still going strong. I force myself to forget about Minho and what we talked about, by throwing myself back on the dance floor. The music gets louder and we get drunker. I lost count of the number of shots I've done, All I know is that I'm having a fucking great time. My body is on fire and my mind is numb. Unable to think, or panic. I move freely, I'm not thinking, I let the music guide my body and I let the alcohol take over my head. I spot chan coming out of the kitchen.

"Channie" I run to him, stumbling over my own feet. Thankfully, he catches me in his arms.

"Wow, you're really drunk." He laughs, helping me find my balance. I wrap my hands around his neck, refusing to let go.

"I've missed you so much" I slur.

"Okay, I know where this is going, and I don't want you to cry in front of everyone. How about we get you home?" His hand rests on my waist, as he leads me to the living room. Seungmin is sitting on the couch with Emma straddling his lap. They're making out as if their life depends on it. On the other couch, I spot Jisung and Minho talking.

"Em" Chan yells over the music, trying to get her attention. Her head snaps in our direction, breaking the kiss.

"She's drunk isn't she?" She sighs, a smile playing on her lips. I try to move away from Chan's grip but he won't let me

"I'm not drunk," I point my finger at her, trying to focus my eyes "I'm wasted." I smile.

Everyone laughs. Well, everyone except Minho.

"Okay, maybe we should get going." She climbs off of Seungmin's lap. "Where's Hyunjin?"

"Yeah, about that.." Chan trails off.

"He's blacked out drunk in Jeongin's room" Felix and Jeongin appear beside me, red cups in their hands.

"Jeongin," I squeal, as I break free from Chan's grip and run towards jeongin. "Let's dance." I attempt to grab his hand and drag him to the dance floor, but he sneaks a hand around my waist pulling me back, my back slamming into his front. I giggle.

"Nope," He laughs. "You've done enough dancing" I cross my hands and pout like a child. Felix laughs at my reaction.

" I haven't seen y/n drunk in so long, I've forgotten how funny she gets" he pats my head.

"I've not drunk Felix" I sigh dramatically, still in Jeongin's grip.

"I'm wasted," Chan and Emma say at the same time and everyone bursts into laughter. Everyone except Minho, again. I turn to look at him, and he's already looking at me. He's sitting on the couch, legs spread wide open, a red cup in his hand, and his head resting on the back of the couch. His free hand plays with his bottom lip and his eyes are focused on my figure, not moving. Not gonna lie, he looks hot. Minho is undeniably handsome. Something about his whole presence is attractive....until he opens his mouth. He can be a total ass. But right now he's not talking, he's simply staring at me, and he looks hot doing it.

"Wait, so if Hyunjin can't drive us back, how are we going to get home?" Emma's question breaks me from my thoughts.

"I can't drive, I've been drinking a lot" Felix giggles. His blonde hair is a mess and his cheeks look like they're on fire.

"I can drive." My hand goes up.

"No" jeongin brings my hand back down. I roll my eyes and rest my head against his chest. From the corner of my eyes, I see Minho lean forward. He places his elbows on his knees, the red cup now hanging from his hand between his legs. His eyes burn the side of my head.

"I can drive you," Jisung offers. "I've only been drinking water, all night"

"Yayyyy" I throw my hands in the air. Jisung flashes me a smile.

"Okay," Emma says and turns to Chan. "Please help me drag Hyunjin's drunk ass to the car." She stands from the couch and turns to Felix. "I'll grab all of our stuff, just take Y/n and Jisung to the car." She points a finger at him, her voice slow and loud as if she's explaining something to a child. Felix nods and takes me by the arm.

"I like them bossy." Seungmin wipes his lips with the back of his hand as his eyes follow Emma's back.

Jisung gets up from his spot beside Minho.

"Do you want me to come?" Minho looks up at him.

"No, I'll manage" He pats his back and Minho just nods.

"Okay then," He rubs his hands together. "Let's go kid." He says to me, placing a hand on my lower back, guiding me through the sweaty bodies, while Felix leads the way. Emma and Chan arrive at the car a few minutes after us, holding a very grumpy, half-asleep Hyunjin. Emma unlocks the car and gets into the passenger's seat while me, Hyunjin, and Felix get in the back. Hyunjin immediately lays his head on my lap, closing his eyes once again. Chan appears at my window.

"Text me when you guys get home, okay?" He says to Emma.

"Sure thing dad." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight Channie" I wave at him as Jisung starts the car.

"Bye." He waves back. I rest my head on the back of the seat, letting the cool air hit my face as my fingers run through Hyunjin's long blonde hair. Silence fills the car and my eyes begin to close until finally, sleep takes over me.

[m00ngbin]

SAW YOUR CD POST AND AM NOW FROTHING AT THE MOUTH THAT I FOUND A CD LIKER IN THE WILD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE plsssss talk about them

Like what's your favourite part of collecting them? Or what's your most prized one? Or maybe what one are you most proud of getting for the price you got it for?

Infodump to your hearts content CDs are like the closest thing in my life to a special interest lol

OH MY GOD EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT MY CDS THIS IS THE BEST EVER

@boquetgarni @grimlyyyfiendish @spacepajamas956 you guys ALSO said yes. so.

Oh and everything is capitalized as it says it is on the CD or it's case so the capitalization of the words "and" and "of" are going to be the tiniest bit inconsistent

Ok so first: the list:

1. Depeche Mode (unspecified album)

2. Evanescence (Fallen)

3. Green Day (american idiot)

4. Lady Gaga (Born This Way)

5. Miley Cyrus (the time of our lives) (the one I regret getting the most)

6. My Chemical Romance (Danger days)

7. My Chemical Romance (Three Cheers)

8. Paramore (Riot!)

9. Rage Against The Machine (Evil Empire)

10. Rancid (...And Out Come The Wolves)

11. SkyView (Of Love and Despair)

12. System Of A Down (Toxicity)

13. The Cure (Greatest Hits)

14. The Cure (Wild Mood Swings)

15. The White Stripes (Greatest Hits (My Sister Thanks You And I Thank You))

16. Tyler, The Creator (IGOR)

17. Tyler, The Creator (WOLF)

18. Trolls (Band Together)

I love CDs. I feel like I always make my collection sound bigger than it is but I'm very happy with the ones that I have

Questions:

My favorite part about collecting them is kind of that I like completing collections and when I get multiple albums by the same artists it's the best ever, and I also just like having physical copies of my favorite music

My FAVORITE cd is either my The Cure Greatest Hits cd, the Danger Days cd, or the IGOR cd, and my least favorites are the Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, and Trolls cds bc I just never listen to them ever

My most prized AND the one I'm the most happy about the price of is the Danger Days cd because I originally got it second hand maybe three ish years ago and at first I was just like "oh cool a my chemical romance cd, I've wanted one of those," but then I looked inside AND IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST DANGER DAYS CDS THEY SOLD. LIKE IT WAS FROM THE FIRST WAVE OF RELEASES. AND THE GUY I BOUGHT IT FROM WAS ONLY SELLING IT FOR LIKE THREE DOLLARS. I'm very proud of finding it

Organization:

All of my CDs are organized alphabetically by band name and then album name, but I went though a lot of different ways of organizing them just bc I love organizing things. The first time I organized them I did it by genre, then I did it by just band name, then I did it by just album, then I did it by color, and then how much I liked the CD. The only one that isn't currently in it's correct place is Trolls because I wanted to hide it from my friend (will explain)

Facts about the albums and also sometimes the CD:

1. ??? (Depeche Mode)

I know like nothing about this cd. It came in an unmarked cd case and it doesn't say ANYTHING about the songs on it or the album on the actual cd. The only reason I KNEW it was Depeche Mode was because it was written on the cd in red sharpie. I'm like 99% sure it was made by someone and not the actual band, and I could find out what album it is but it doesn't really matter as long as I like the music

2. Fallen (Evanescence)

I saw them live almost exactly a year ago and OH MY GOD they were so cool. The album came out in 2003 and it's not my FAVORITE of their albums but it's not my least favorite either. I UNIRONICALLY REALLY LIKE IT ITS NOT A JOKE

Favorite songs: Everybody's Fool, Imaginary, and My Last Breath

3. American Idiot (Green Day)

I was originally looking for one of their other albums but ykw? This is good too. This cd took so long to find which is such a shock bc as far as I knew, everybody liked Green Day. American Idiot came out in 2004, and it was their 5th album.

Favorite songs: Jesus of Suburbia, Holiday / Boulevard of Broken Dreams, and Homecoming

4. Born This Way (Lady Gaga)

I don't have a TON to say about this album but it did shape my music taste until I was like 12. So. I was a very hardcore Gaga stan. Born This Way came out in 2011.

Favorite songs: Heavy Metal Lover, Judas, and Americano ("fake Lady Gaga fan" I KNOW I KNOW IM SORRY I JUST LIKE HER MOST POPULAR STUFF)

5. The Time Of Our Lives (Miley Cyrus)

Not much to say about this one either, I don't listen to Miley Cyrus that much. This album came out in 2009 and I really only got this CD because it has Party In The USA on it

Favorite song: Party In The USA

6. Danger Days (MCR)

OK THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I CAN INFODUMP INFODUMP ABOUT. SO THE ALBUM CAME OUT IN 2010 AND IT WAS, (SORT OF, I don't count May Death Never Stop You or The Black Parade/Living With Ghosts and I'm not including any of the Numbers), THEIR MOST RECENT RELEASE UNTIL 2022 WHEN MCR GOT BACK TOGETHER TO MAKE THE FOUNDATIONS OF DECAY. This is unironically my second favorite mcr album, it's only after Bullets and I will never ever understand why people don't appreciate it as much as they should. ALLEGEDLY the last song on the album (Vampire Money) was made to mock all of the people who made music for one of the Twilight movies. FUN FACT THE PERSON WHO WAS MAKING THE TWILIGHT MOVIES TRIED TO GET MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE TO WRITE MUSIC FOR NEW MOON AND NOT ONLY DID MCR SAY NO, THEY WROTE A SONG FOR YO GABBA GABBA INSTEAD CALLED EVERY SNOWFLAKE IS DIFFERENT (JUST LIKE YOU) IN 2011. SINCE GERARD WAY IS A COMIC BOOK ARTIST HE WROTE THE STORY FOR THIS AND HE ACTUALLY MADE A COMIC BOOK FOR IT TOO THAT YOU CAN BUY AND I THINK YOU SHOULD CHECK IT OUT ok I could talk about MCR all day I need to stop

Favorite songs: Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back, Planetary (GO!), and Na Na Na (etc)

7. OR MAYBE I DONT NEED TO STOP BC THIS IS THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE (MCR)

OH I COULD SAY SO MUCH AB THIS ALBUM but for the sake of keeping it short, this album was released in 2004 and it fleshes out the story of the Demolition Lovers that was started back when they released Bullets AND I COULD HAVE A WHOLE RANT ABOUT THE DEMOLITION LOVERS I LOVE THE DEMOLITION LOVERS. I got this CD from a shady music store that I haven't gone back to since bc it freaked me out so badly

Favorite songs: The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You, Cemetery Drive, and YKWTDTGLUIP (long ass song names jfc)

8. Riot! (Paramore)

THIS CD KILLED MY CAR. I'm not joking I'm being so serious this cd killed my car I had to get it jumped and towed. It's a long story that all happened within the span of 30 minutes and I was REALLY pissed about it. Anyways Riot was released in 2007 and it is one of my absolute favorite albums by Paramore of all time. Unrelated to this album but Paramore actually DID end up writing music for Twilight, they wrote Decode, (very popular), and I Caught Myself, (significantly less popular).

Favorite songs: For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic, crushcrushcrush, and Let The Flames Begin

9. Evil Empire (Rage Against The Machine)

SKDODNSKFID I love RATM. I think that this album probably has everyone's favorite RATM songs on it, and it came out in 1996.

Favorite songs: Roll Fight, Bulls on Parade, and Revolver

10. ...And Out Come The Wolves (Rancid)

STILL RANCID'S BEST ALBUM ARGUE WITH THE WALL. ARGUE. WITH. THE. WALL. Urgh this was like the only thing I listened to two years ago but it's grown on me. Very reminiscent of middle aged white fathers. The album was released in 1995, and I cannot tell you how many times I had to listen to all of these songs. I don't know jack shit about Rancid but I love this album. ACTUALLY one of these songs was how I picked out a name forever ago

Favorite songs: Maxwell Murder, Lock, Step & Gone, and The 11th Hour

11. Of Love And Despair (SkyView)

This is one of the only CDs I've ever gotten AT a concert. SkyView is (kind of) local band and they usually perform in planetariums bc they can sync up their music with lasers and videos of space and rockets. I would recommend seeing them after doing edibles. The album came out in 2017 and most of the songs are instrumentals

Favorite songs: You Win, All Alone, and Shooting Star

12. Toxicity (System of a Down)

IMAGINE MY SHOCK AND SURPRISE WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE I LIVE WITH DONE LIKE SYSTEM OF A DOWN. STUNNED. HORRIFIED. SPEECHLESS. I love this album sooo much, it came out in 2001 and it was the 2nd studio album ever released by System

Favorite songs: Prison Song, Deer Dance, and Chop Suey!

13. Greatest Hits (The Cure)

AHKSHDKAIDJS I LOVE THE CURE SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. THIS ALBUM CAME OUT IN 2001 but it's a mix of songs that had mostly come out in the 80s-90s. I GOT TO SEE THE CURE IN CONCERT LAST YEAR AND THAT WAS THE BEST CONCERT IVE EVER BEEN TO I wish they would come back :(

Favorite songs: Why Can't I Be You, Lullaby, and In Between Days

14. Wild Mood Swings (The Cure)

Truthfully I got this CD because I thought it was a different one but it has really grown on me. This album came out in 1996 which makes it kind of weird that none of these songs made it into Greatest Hits but yZK (THEY SHOULD HAVE)

Favorite songs: Strange Attraction, Jupiter Crash, and This Is a Lie

15. Greatest Hits (The White Stripes)

I got this cd for one song and one song only, but up until I got it I'd forgotten how much I love The White Stripes. The album came out in 2020 (REALLY RECENT WOW) and it includes songs going back to 1998

Favorite songs: Fell in Love With a Girl, (the song I got the CD for in the first place), Hello Operator, and The Hardest Button to Button

16. IGOR (Tyler, The Creator)

KSOSHFKSOSJFJE MY FAVORITE CD EVER ACTUALLY. I COULD TALK FOR HOURS. HOURS. ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS ALBUM. I COULD AND WOULD TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT IT but this has seriously taken me two hours, so it's not happening today. IGOR came out in 2019 and won Tyler, The Creator his first Grammy, (FOLLOWED BY CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST WITH HIS SECOND).

Favorite songs: I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, PUPPET, and ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?

17. WOLF (Tyler, The Creator)

THIS IS THE CD I GOT MOST RECENTLY AND IM SO HAPPY ABOUT IT AND AKDITHSKKDFJEJ OK so the album came out in 2013 and it was his 2nd (solo) album and AKOEJDOAFIRN OK I REALLY NEED TO HURRY THIS UP BC I COULD TALK ABOUT WOLF FOR AN HOUR IF GIVEN THE CHANCE

Favorite songs: Wolf, treehome95, and Answer

18. Band Together (Trolls)

This is honestly my least favorite bc I originally got it as a gag gift but I've been forced to listen to the same three songs on it a hundred times. It came out this year, I really don't have that much to say, it's just here. It's the only one that's out of order in my cd collection just because I have to hide it from anyone that I'm driving around because they WILL put it on

Favorite songs: urgh do I really need to have a favorite (THE TINY CHUNK OF THAT ONE SONG THATS JUST THE TROLLS SINGING I WANT YOU BACK BY NSYNC. Or It Takes Two)

ANYWAYS SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WOULD SAY MORE BUT I TOOK FOREVER JUST TO SAY THIS. SO.

[emmaswanned]

@cleoselene tagged me several days ago to share 9 of my favorite albums! sorry it took me so long to respond but I did still want to make the post!

I've been bad lately about listening to full albums as opposed to individual songs but i'm trying to be better about this because i think listening to full albums is a better way to find new artists. anyway, in no particular order:

matchbox twenty: yourself or someone like you - i think i am perhaps a little young to love matchbox twenty as much as i do (this album came out when i was 4 years old LOL) but they were very much a soundtrack to my growing up. it was actually hard for me to choose between this album and mad season, but ultimately i thought you just can't go wrong with the album that features "real world", "3AM", and "push", just to name a few. (and hey, by the way, not to be that guy, but i loved "push" long before ryan gosling ever touched it!)

taylor swift: red - i chose the original album art to post here rather than the new version because RED has been my favorite album of hers ever since it came out in 2012. i have vivid memories of being a 20-year-old film student listening to the album on the train i took to get to school and thinking wow, this album really tells a story from beginning to end!

sara bareilles: the blessed unrest - this was another hard one because i wanted to choose just one album per artists and it was a tough choice between the blessed unrest and kaleidoscope heart. ultimately went with this one because of songs like "chasing the sun" and "december." sara bareilles has always (at least in her first 3 albums) conveyed a sense of unrest and uncertainty that i've found both relatable and comforting and i think in this album she finds her stability, or at least a hope that she can find it.

maisie peters: the good witch - idk what i can say about this one that others haven't already said - i think it's the newest album on my list, certainly, but it's also just, like, the ultimate breakup album. and the way maisie frames her songwriting as a way for her to take control of her own narrative is very interesting to me and very taylor swiftian.

rob thomas: cradlesong - kind of cheating here to choose a rob thomas album when he's the lead singer of matchbox twenty but i feel i cannot ignore him because he, too, was the soundtrack of my high school years. i had an obsession in 2009 that i cannot explain nor do i apologize for.

halsey: badlands - my least favorite thing about halsey is she put out this, the perfect album, on her first try and everything else has left me disappointed. i'm heading straight for the castle. they wanna make me their queen. it cannot be topped.

fun.: aim and ignite - fun. is just the perfect band for me and every day i am sad that they're not making music anymore

noah kahan: stick season - this album is very sad and heavy, and a lot of the songs sound quite similar, which are two things that are hard for me to get past when listening to music, but ultimately this album is too good to pass up. somehow makes you horribly homesick at the same time it makes you want to run screaming from your hometown and never look back.

of monsters and men: my head is an animal - i think a lot of my taste in music can be traced back to the era of of monsters and men and mumford and sons and the like. it's the thread that leads me to noah kahan now. my head is an animal is almost a no-skip album if we're being honest.

[vickiabelson]

Rumer Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson 

It had been too long, too many years, since I’d last seen Rumer, whom I first heard about through our mutual friend, the late, J Marshall Craig a decade ago.  As soon as I had my first taste I became obsessed with her and made it my quest to have her sing in my living room.  I saw her perform at a benefit concert for Jeff Jones about 10 yrs ago and vowed to make it happen. A great friend and collaborator of the late, beloved PF Sloan, Rumer oft lived across the country and abroad, I met her at last at PF’s memorial 9 yrs ago, just after he’d performed in the living room. Rumer and I became fast friends and I’ve listened to her in heavy rotation almost non-stop since. We came thisclose to her appearing at Women Who Write in 2016, and it’s taken all this time to get her on Game Changers… good things come to those who wait. 

We went deep today, fittingly on 9/11. First, into Rumer’s past. Her humble beginnings, at the time, one of seven siblings. A secret revealed long ago, which led to unwarranted shame, and an ongoing almost unfathomable generosity. The origin of her name, another sweet, and loving familiar story. Adele, the 16-year-old down the street who had the record deal that Sara sought, La Honda, her early band, the years, the hard work, finding the right producer and manager, and grit determination that finally paid off. Her platinum debut album, Seasons of My Soul, which garnered her numerous Brit and MOJO Award nominations and a couple of wins. Performing in the UK with Dionne Warwick and meeting her musical director, Rob Shirakbari, who would become Rumer’s partner in music and life, Elton John became enamored of her talent, an oh-so-sweet story there! Touring brought her to the United States, where she began a long ongoing collaborative relationship with Burt Bacharach, to the White House to sing for the Obamas, to Jimmy Webb to sing his P.F. Sloan, and ultimately to sing it with the man himself, so important to this day as we ready to vote, to Daryl Hall and his Daryl House, great story about that, an email from Richard Carpenter, after being likened to his sister for years, a series of albums, motherhood, moving to Arkansas, a visit back to LA, where last we met, first giggling like girls in my car and then at a party at Stephen Bishop’s, her Nashville Tears, then back to the UK. where she, husband Rob, and son, Denny, currently reside, and where Rumer will be performing her now Triple Platinum, Seasons of My Soul, to a Sold Out crowd, and soon, a new album, with her 9/11 song, will drop. Rumer shared her September 11th story, and I, mine. 

I’m so grateful to have had this reunion with Rumer, a treasured friend, and an artist I adore to my core, who gives me goosebumps every time I hear her sing. Her Slow remains in my top 5 of all time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvYUfwMBCrU. Her duet of I Can’t Go For That with Daryl Hall is unforgettable https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rzr6mvDar30as is her cover of his Sara Smile - that her first given name is Sara, just makes it that much sweeter. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wh7y--Mc7kk.

Rumer has the voice of an angel and the soul of one.

Rumer Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson 

Wednesday, 9/11/24, 1 pm PT, 4 pm ET

Streamed Live on my Facebook

Replay here:

[helpleas]

Today was the most lovely of them all

Ok. ok it was crazy. first of all. the weather..... ohhh my god. beautiful. sunny. lovely. there was so much driving and cool breezes and giggling with glee and cute dogs and adventures and yummy snacks.

second of all. i had 2 first period spares which would usually mean i start class at 1:00pm BUT i accepted a slot to tour a family at 8:45 so i was there for that. this was my last tour of the year and i really put my all into it (it lasted AN HOUR) and i think the family actually liked me

while i was doing my tour my friend was sitting in the library and when i stopped in she lifted up her phone which read "do you want to go to tim's after this". im never one to decline a drive anywhere or coffee when i havent had breakfast. i got an apple fritter and a black iced coffee (bliss). BUT while we were there. who did i spot. but people doing fucking geomatics (the program i didnt apply to but got accepted to at waterloo) so we took a silly photo with them. then she drove me back to school and had to go to english :(

BUT she left me with our other friend who had a spare like i did. so since it was such a lovely day we skipped/ran all the way to the beltline and to the tree we discovered a couple weeks ago. sat and listened to music :)

then it was time to help our friends with their promposals. BUT there wasn't enough room in the car for everyone we needed so i climbed in the trunk. turns out i love the trunk. like a rollercoaster ride and fun and cozy and i loved it. also one of the dates hadn't ever been seen in person and was 10x hotter than photos. so amazing.

then when we got back the rest of my friends had spares and went to get boba soo i was totally bummed because i had to go to 3rd period. but when i got to 4th there was a bubble tea waiting for me (eeeeeeeek)

then i had to stay out of the house until after 5. so my friends and i went to sushi (i didnt get any bc im SKINT) so while we were sitting around waiting for a friend to get out of her ap bio exam. this rlly cute guy walked by. and 2/4 of us found him cute... but i was totally not there for that. so blah blah she tried to work up the courage to ask him out and stuff. when she finally did he had JUST walked away. but still cute good times.

so then our ap bio friend was starving and our other friend left so we all went to chipotle so me and ap bio friend could eat (used order ahead with family uber eats... very sneaky) absolutely scrumptious and i love that area of the city

+ the friend driving always rolls the windows down and my friend on aux has sublime music taste so it was just. so much fun

on the way to chipotle the 2 friends in front got the idea to go see challengers. 1 friend had already seen it but was determined to see it 3 times... so that comes up later

here i called my friend and had the funniest fucking conversation because everyone around me could only hear one half (you just woke up... oh no the dogs... chicken sandwiches... well tampon is #1..... no you don't have school tomorrow.... yeah no its next week now.... lucky i called you... the new season is out?!)

then after chipotle we drove down to the theatre and dropped one of us off along the way. and on the way there i rolled down my window to rest my head on it and look out and the wind was just so perfect and i felt so nice and i loved the song that was playing and it was just... yeahhhhhhh

also my friend called me asking to hang out on the way there and i just felt really loved

THEN OBVIOUSLY CHALLENGERS WAS AMAZING AND WHEN SHE GOES TO SEE IT FOR A 3RD TIME IM COMING. ALSO SHE BOUGHT MY TICKET BECAUSE AGAIN TOTALLY SKINT SO YIPPEE THATS A WIN. THANKS TO ALL MOM FRIENDS OUT THERE

then we listened to inhaler on the drive back to my place for some water (specifically these are the days which felt SO fitting). my friend was shuffling her favourite songs and one i showed her came up so. almost cried there. (She's a Jar- Wilco). We had been seeing really cute dogs all day because it was finally nice out enough and we saw the ultimate fluffiest friendliest dog on the drive back.

my step mom happened to arrive at the EXACT. SAME. TIME. and creepily followed us making spooky noises just to freak us out.

after a bit everyone went home but just. ugh. the day was so perfect and wonderful im like high on it. and i had to transcribe the entire thing.

[quiet-nocturne]

answer your 30 questions please and thank you!!!

WOO. HERE WE GO, YA'LL:

ao3 wrapped [writers edition]

How many words have you written this year? Published? 22,685. Unpublished? A loooooot ahaha.

How many works did you publish this year? Currently, 3. Hoping to have 4-5 by christmas though. 👀

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? definitely cause i'm lovesick. That thing was a labor of love. My first fanfic baby in a loooong time.

What work of yours has the most hits? currently cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed), which is at 735 hits. But it's kind of biased, considering I only came back to fic writing in like october.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? nothing in particular - I'm just happy to have any engagement!

Favorite title you used honestly, no favorite as of yet. All the titles I've used come from song lyrics that are super royai coded/important to me, so I like them all. That answer could definitely change in the future though!

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? most recently, taylor swift (hopeless, breathless, burning slow), but also banks (cause i'm lovesick and you're all that matters to me anyway - she's SO GOOD for angsty love songs). Lyrics are so, so important to me. I have a ~300 song royai playlist (which I'm going to slim down and post here at some point) that I listen to constantly, lol, and a huge notes file on my phone filled with potential song lyric titles. I have a music degree and it's literally so important to my writing process aajsaksjljasjl.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Royai. lol. That's not going to change any time soon. The extreme hyperfixation is REAL.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Again royai. They're the best. My babies. 💖

What work was the quickest to write? Surprising, chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. started it last night and i'm already nearly done the first draft. That thing flew out of me, especially considering chapter 1 was much more of a journey lol.

What work took you the longest to write? definitely chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. it wasn't the writing that was the issue - it was the editing. I really dragged my feet on it, and could have had that thing out like 2 weeks ago. 🤦‍♀️

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? oh god. my wip's currently include: - chapter 2 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow - sequel to cause i'm lovesick (I ain't even ashamed) - a christmas fic - angsty, hurt/comfort, character exploration, ishval restoration multi-chaptered fic (I'm REALLY excited to work on this!!! yay angst) - roy and riza returning to her old father's house post-cannon and STUFF HAPPENS, fluff, hurt/comfort, etc (also really excited for this one! i've been daydreaming about it for MONTHS. Even just thinking about this fic feels like sinking into a warm bath. That's the vibes I want it to give) - ANOTHER post-promised day fic, because I'm a broken record, but this time more humorous/cute. - aaaand yet another post-promised day fic, but one where Riza REALLY ISN'T DOING WELL/almost dies like a million times at the hospital and roy is sad (!!!). - briggs angst/sick fic - does that make sense? no? it will. Yeah. yeahhh. That list is only going to get bigger. 🤷‍♀️ Some of these will also, shockingly, not have smut lol.

What’s your longest work of the year? So far, ch. 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow at a whopping 9, 792 words. It really ran away from me.

What’s your shortest work of the year? mmm, you're all that matters to me anyway at 5,954 words. apparently I can't write anything below 5k lol. 🤷‍♀️

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? Oof, I mean probably most of what I had listed above. I aim to have some of it done - but it's already December 7th, so yeah.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Smut. lol.

Your favorite character to write this year? Surprisingly, Roy. I almost find him easier to write than Riza. Normally I don't enjoy writing from the male perspective. But Roy Mustang is just ��. I was so surprised lol.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? No one, as of yet. But we'll see what I say once I start working more on the multi chaptered fics. 😬

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? More Royai, maybe with a dash of Roy/Maes. Maybe I'll try a bit of Ed/Winry? Who knows!

Which work of yours have you reread the most? chapter 1 of hopeless, breathless, burning slow. I am so fucking sick of it ahaha helppp.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? Currently at 142! You are all so sweet. 😭

Which work has the most comments? I think cause i'm lovesick at the moment!

Did you do any collaborative works this year? nope! Definitely something I'd consider doing in the future though!

Did you write any gifts this year? maybe! 👀 we shall see

Did you receive any gifts this year? nope!

What’s your most common category? ...Smut. lol. 🤷‍♀️

What do you listen to while writing? ahhhh I love talking about music with my ships! like I said, my ridiculously huge royai playlist. also all of my top songs on spotify were from it, which includes: 1. Say Yes to Heaven - Lana Del Ray (i've got my eye on you / i've got my mind on you) 2. Work Song - Hozier (no grave could hold my body down / i'll crawl home to her) 3. I Wanna Be Yours - Artic Monkeys (secrets i have held in my heart / are harder to hide then i thought / maybe i just wanna be yours) 4. Night We Met - Lord Horan feat. Pheobe Bridges (i had all and then most of you / some and now none of you / take me back to the night we met / i don't know what i'm supposed to do / haunted by the ghost of you) - that ishval restoration fic is definitely going to use a lyric from this song SOMEWHERE Honorable mentions: Die First - Nessa Barrett (someone dies or someone gets hurt / but if one of us dies / i hope i die first) Ya'aburnee - Halsey (i'll never know / if there's danger in confession / or it's memory that presses / like a blade against my throat / another word and i could choke / but what's worst? / tellin' you my feelings / or to die without revealing / that you got inside my head / and set a fire there instead?) Dress - Taylor Swift (there is an indentation in the shape of you / made your mark on me, a golden tattoo / all of this silence and patience / pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you) 10000/10, would play at royai's wedding.

Favorite work you wrote this year? cause i'm lovesick. Again, it was my baby. I loved writing it so much.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year? mmmm, probably: "She'd planned to stay angry at Mustang for longer, but then he'd surprised her by sauntering into her apartment basically the second his train had arrived, eyes blazing with desire as he collected her in his warm embrace, murmuring you have no idea how much I've been craving to taste you against the soft skin of her throat." (I tried to find one that was mostly sfw lol).

Biggest surprise while writing this year? Just being able to write, in general! It's been so much fun. 💖

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, July 19th, 2024.

Do you want the last dream you had to come true? No. It wasn't a bad dream - it was just bizarre - but life is bizarre enough already.

When did you last talk to the person you’d most wanna talk to right now? That would be my dad, and I talked to him just a couple of minutes ago while I was washing my lunch dishes.

What kind of pill did you last take? Migraine meds.

Do you like wearing glasses? I don't mind wearing them while I drive, but aside from that, I almost never wear them.

Does your mom know the last person you hung out with? I haven't properly "hung out" with anyone in ages.

What were you doing 4 hours ago? Let's see…that would have been around 9:40am…so I was probably weighing cats.

What would you most like to eat right now? I'm good. I just finished eating a chicken salad.

How long were you last in the car for? 15-20 minutes.

What is something good that happened last weekend? I can't think of anything specific. It was just a generally nice weekend comprised of the usual stuff.

Do you like holding hands or do you think it’s stupid? I like it.

The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? I listened to a classical radio station on the way home from the shelter, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was just kind of zoning out on my own random thoughts.

How’d you get your last injury? I don't recall my last injury.

What do you like about your birthday? It's gotten to the point where it's just another day. I did go out to eat with my parents this year, but that was basically it.

Do you like being home alone at night? It depends on why I'm alone. I live with my dad, so if he was gone overnight, that might indicate that something bad had happened.

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? Other than hospitalizations for my eating disorder, not a whole lot. Even those have more or less dissolved into a blur.

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you? Probably finding out my dad had cancer. Thankfully, it's been well-managed and he's in relatively good health.

Has an ambulance ever came to your house? A few times.

The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? Due to the last two questions, I'm thinking about my dad. I'm just grateful he's doing as well as he is. He's the most important person in my life and I honestly don't know what I would do without him.

When did you last skip class? Yeeears ago.

Do you like the shape of your fingernails? Ehhh.

Did you look at your fingernails for the question above? Lol, yeah.

Whose pool did you last swim in? I don't remember the last time I went swimming, but possibly a hotel pool.

What’s something you like about your 3rd hour? N/a.

Is formspring a good idea? Oh wow, is this survey really that old…? We've got ourselves a veritable fossil on our hands.

What’s your biggest problem at the moment? I guess it's not really a problem because I've been dealing with it for a while now and I might have found some sort of solution. I want to spend more time at the animal shelter; however, I don't think Alex and Cassie really want me around. I don't think it's personal; I think they just wish there were no volunteers whatsoever. I have my own agenda, though. Animal shelter work is my passion, and I plan on being there long after they're gone, so I tend to ignore those subtle vibes. So, solution one is to simply outlast them. But solution two, in the meanwhile, is to start doing more work on the dog side of things. Do what I need to do in cattery, then get out of their hair. Because, honestly, they aren't the sole arbiters of the shelter, and there are other people there who might actually appreciate the help. Also, it's no longer about people-pleasing. It's about building up my own abilities, working toward my own future, and doing something that truly brings me joy. I'm not going to let a couple of nobodies stand in the way of my dreams. ;D

What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? I'm not sure.

When did you last see a police car? Within the past couple of days.

Why aren’t you doing something more productive than this? I don't wanna.

How many different cars have you driven? Five, I think? Although four out of the five were very brief experiences.

What did you do on Thursday? I stayed at the animal shelter all day. From 7am to 5:40pm. To the bitter end, lmao. It was definitely tiring, but it was also pretty chill, and it's something I'm planning on doing more often. Maybe 1-2 times a week to start and then I'll slowly build up from there. After seeing more of the process for myself, I think Alex and Cassie might be sort of unfair to the dog people. They're always on their feet, taking dogs out rain or shine; it's extremely loud and chaotic; there's more danger and safety precautions involved; the work is more strenuous; etc. Cattery is a breeze in comparison. I know cattery doesn't like staying late for the dog stuff to be finished, but I don't think it's anyone's fault. They're just understaffed, so it's going to take longer, and under the circumstances, I think everyone is doing their best. I certainly didn't notice anyone slacking or goofing off or whatever has been implied. Alex might be a bit of an unreliable narrator...go figure. :')

But yeah, I hung out with some dogs in the yard, did some doggy dishes, and helped dry kennels at the end of the day, and it was just nice to be around a different mix of people. I'm looking forward to exploring/experiencing more of that side of things.

What color was the last thing you drank? Clear.

What do you do on Fridays? Volunteer. I was there today from around 7:20am-12:15pm.

Have you ever had to take desperate measures in a desperate situation? Yeah.

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? The front door to the shelter.

What is the meaning of life? I don't know whether or not life has any inherent meaning. Maybe the only meaning is whatever you think it is…so you better think good thoughts because in the end thoughts are all you really have, huh?