#this show is way too realistic in terms of character psychology

[hyog-blog]

Nothing Else I'd Rather Choose (fic)

The Story of Pearl Girl | Duanwu character study

Duan Wu and Zhang Jinran | Duan Wu and Yan Zijing

Duan Wu stares into the doe-like eyes of Zhang Jinran, feeling something unusual coming up to the surface from the depths of her heart. She didn't know it could even feel things like that. A mixture of gratitude, gentleness, and clarity, seeing the other for what he truly was - a gentleman with a noble heart, traditional upbringing, and a wish to lend her a helping hand. Probably, along with his bright sparkly eyes and a chivalrous heart.

He was everything a girl could dream of, taking care of her with utmost attention, not being entirely open about his affection, but she could feel it nonetheless. She has learned to read people while growing up, especially the men who surrounded her, looking at women as if they were prey or a prize to fight over and win for themselves. No one ever asked the women what they wanted in the place she grew up. Even within that dark nook of the world she was living, there were rules of its own and the strong always ruled over the weak, even if they themselves were ruled by even stronger predators and slave-keepers.

She had finally turned that page of her life over, but her agile mind and perceptive heart were still with her, more sensitive than ever before. The man sitting in front of her was nothing like the ones she grew up around - he was the very opposite of everyone she knew back at the pearl farm. So far from the world she lived in that he almost seemed like a mythical being. Much like she was a little mermaid for him back when they first met, he was a celestial creature for her - untainted with the darkness of the real world, the one that would grab you while you're young, enslave you, rape you, and make you bear their children just for profit.

In a way, she got lucky. She fought for her body as fiercely as she did for her heart and soul, but the damage was already there. She knew it when she looked into his eyes with all the light and nobility sparkling there like rays of sunshine - he would never be able to understand her. He could love her, long for her, and take care of her the best way he could, but he'd never give her the freedom she craved so much. It simply didn't exist in the world he was living in. But she, herself, could make it come true. Carve out a path for herself using whatever strength and wit she could master. Learn everything there was to learn about trade, follow Yan Zijing to the end of the world to see how it's being done, and explore the world she didn't yet get the chance to see.

Will it be as ugly as the pearl farm she grew up on? Or will it be as magical and soft as the poems written by Zhang Jinran? Will it cradle her in her arms like the waves of the ocean she both loved and hated so much? Or will it crush her, piercing like a sword that she was only learning how to use? She really didn't know, but she would do everything in her power to find out.

Duan Wu smiles at him with the softness of a person, who has seen light after living in the darkness for most of her life. It was the light emanating from her own heart, and one would be foolish to tie it to another person and hope that they would help this light burn brighter. He wouldn't be able to carry this burden - it was hers and hers only. Both her life and her future, and her death were in her own hands. As well as the secret of her origin and, maybe, who knows, some relatives that could still be alive somewhere out there.

She will find out only if she ventures out into the wilderness of the world that raised her in the darkness. But now the sun was shining brightly and it wasn't the sunlight sparkling in Zhang Jinran's eyes - her sun was burning brightly in the sky, bigger than anything, than the whole world, and she would follow it just like she would follow her heart and soul, wherever they'd take her.

"I can't accept this, sorry," she returns the envelope that could help her start a new life, and leave everything behind, but that everything was who she truly was. He didn't get that, but she did. And she knew she wanted to build on top of that, becoming so much more than a little scared mermaid who has finally reached the surface of the ocean and seen the broad sky, spread limitless above her head.

The light in Zhang Jinran's eyes dwindles just a bit but doesn't fully disappear. He might not be the type that lets go of the things he likes easily, especially the things that don't want to be owned and taken care of. The wild things, the mysterious things, the bitter and broken things he thought needed mending.

When she returns back to the ship, accompanied by Zhang Jinran, she spends a long moment staring at the tall figure of Yan Zijing, who came up either to greet or to scold her, or just to make sure that his asset was still in one piece. It was a weird mixture of sorrow, strength, and edginess emanating from the man as if he were a sword ready to strike at any minute. Relaxing was really not Yan Zijing's forte and the only thing that brought him peace of mind seemed to be music, that erhu that he played sometimes. The sound was beautiful, but she always felt like his soul was weeping at the time.

This man reminded her of the Ocean's depths that birthed her, nurtured her, tortured her mind, body, and soul, and then suddenly let her go to the surface to breathe in fresh air and enjoy the sun of the day. Could she really let go of her origin, though? He reminded her of harsh ocean winds and waters so cold that you could barely move in them, feeling the freezing current hug your body, slowing down your movements. One wrong decision, and you'd stay there forever, becoming a part of the deep-blue depths, just another piece of the still underwater landscape.

And yet, it was that very Ocean that held so many pearls in its bottomless pits. And the treasures Yan Zijing was hiding were but merely a glint in his dark eyes. A slight curve of his lips, a vicious stare, or a sudden gentleness that softened his features, emphasizing the raw beauty, like the light of a sunset would make the ocean seem so calm and welcoming, soft even.

Him, she could relate to. His eyes were mirroring her own. His philosophy was that of a person who has survived and prospered in a world that killed anyone who would so much as show a hint of weakness. Just like the Ocean, Yan Zijing would one moment torment her with a storm and the next gently support her with his strong waves and undercurrents. His presence, for some reason, felt like home - that dark place that birthed her, but also the one that let her feel what freedom truly felt like. She was, indeed, a mermaid. She could never let go of the underwater world with all its inhabitants, both the weak and the vicious, the soft and the strong.

And just like a pearl diver that she's been all her life, the pearls hiding in the depths of Yan Zijing's heart seemed too attractive, although unseen if you just look at the surface. It was similar to a feeling that she always got when going deep underwater, intuitively knowing where to look for those shells containing precious shiny droplets of light.

The moment passes and his eyes dart toward Zhang Jinran, a spark of hostility turning his face into that of a general ready to command his army to attack the opposing forces. The other man looked at him with a mix of disdain and fascination on his face. They couldn't be more different, and yet, fate, or destiny, or someone's brilliant plotting entangled them together, making one follow the other. But as it goes, sunlight would never pierce the darkness of the ocean waters, at least, not to the full extent. You'd have to be a mermaid to go that deep, look that far, and find whatever monsters, gems, or pearls hidden where no man could ever go.

Maybe for the first time in her life, she was happy to be a mermaid. For the Ocean was truly her home. When she steps onto the ship's floor, she feels a door getting shut behind her - the life she could have had, but that just wasn't meant for her. Whatever was waiting ahead of her, she had no regrets. None at all.

[noonblight]

Arven, And The Habits Built By Parental Neglect

So I was going to make this big song and dance post about Arven’s entire arc and character psychology but I think other people have picked that one apart better than me. However I DO still want to talk about something I haven’t seen addressed too much.

As much as I think the phrase ‘love language’ is a gross over-simplification of psychology (and also not real, go look it up, the guy who made it was awful) it’s actually a really fitting term for the thing I want to talk about, which is how Arven has built up a habit of caring for others despite the neglect his parents showed him, and made it a core part of his personality. In essence, he’s deemed himself the ‘mom friend’ because he never had that kind of support growing up.

You can see this throughout multiple parts of the game, but here’s my list of favourites:

• If you pick the dialog option and say that you’ll go along with Arven’s quest-line before he explains what you’ll be doing, he exclaims that you have no sense of caution for your own safety. That you shouldn’t just go brazenly dashing into agreements like that.

• He is always looking after Mabosstiff so tenderly, and while a lot of this is due to them growing up together, I think it’s the way he shows his care for Mabosstiff that communicates my point.

• After noticing Miraidon eat your sandwich, he begins to make extra ones so that you don’t go without one. He even splits his own sandwich with you after Miraidon steals the first one you ever make together.

• He mentions that he cleans his dorm every day he’s there because Maboschiff sheds fur a lot.

• Post-Game, he admits that he would like to be a chef who can make good food for others.

Basically, I adore the tiny writing detail that even Arven’s positive traits are still shaped by the parental neglect that he went through, because it’s surprisingly realistic for the writing of a kid’s game.

He’s messy, he’s allowed to grieve and be confused about his feelings openly, he’s allowed to be irritable and strange in the eyes of others. But the game also never lets you forget how much he truely cares for others, even those he doesn’t know very well.

This can also be subtly inferred from just how amazingly fast Arven manages to raise a team that is arguably the only bordering-on-difficult fight in the game. Arven claims to not be a good trainer and claims Mabosstiff was his only pokémon before the events of the game (we can infer this from how he mentions after your first battle with him that he only just caught that Skwovet)

But just look at how fast he manages to make a team! Your trainer is always complimented for their rapid success, but man, they should look at Arven who doesn’t even have that much skill at the start of the game. I like to think this improvement is a direct result of his care for his Pokémon, and his desire to help and protect others. It’s no wonder why he claims in the post-game tournament that he’s been working super hard to build a team that can protect his loved ones, he really means it.

Arven also has a terrible habit of attempting to do most things by himself until the absolute last minute. He refuses to ask Nemona for help with the titans despite knowing she has the skills for it. He only asks you when he’s at his wit’s end starting to lose hope in Mabosstiff, and notices that you had the skill to work with Miraidon.

Even more than all that stuff I mentioned before however, I adore the end cutscene of the game for taking Arven, this character who displays all these little quirks, and then turns around and says ‘it’s your turn to be cared for by people who care about you, you don’t need to do this alone’

Nemona tells the group to take the scenic route home.

Penny suggests snacks.

Miraidon gently pushes Arven toward the group.

And the last scene in the game is so important for that reason, Arven is finally having others care for him. After everything that has happened, he has at least a few people who will support him and show him that care his parents lacked.

So anyway happy holidays, have that shoddy analysis <3

[bibibbon]

Since it's a known fact that Hori wants to make a horror manga and... with what BNHA showed us, I highly doubt it's going to be any of good quality.

That and the fact that the Horror genre seems too out of his league in terms of writing skills.

Horror can sometimes be a bit tricky to pull off, as it requires a LOT of care and thought to be put into. And the thing is it's more than just gore and seeing people die in horrific ways, as it can even show us the mind of the mentally messed up and the horrors of reality.

Something I don't think Hori is equipped of tackling. Since he refused to kill off any characters, rectify consequences to where it was completely pointless of adding. And the... sexualization. In all honestly, it's probably gonna be that one meme of on today's episode of the writer's barely disguised fetish.

Hi @theloganator101 👋

So I have heard that horikoshi intends on making a horror manga and I have no plans on properly following or reading it.

Iam going to be honest Iam not much of a horror reader so I really don't know much about the horror genre when it comes to manga or how the manga industry treats the horror genre.

Realistically, I do very much think that horikoshi is an amazing artist and that if he were to draw a horror manga it would be incredibly detailed ( we've already seen this from some manga panels or pages of MHA just how well horikoshi can draw)

But when it comes to the actual substance of the story I don't have much hope considering what happend to MHA. Relying on simply art and body horror isn't a great way to have a plot of a horror manga center around. There are many different types of things they horikoshi can depict in a horror manga, take for example twice and what happend to him (his clones all killing eachother and going wild) and how such an event can cause someone to go down the path of insanity because the fear that he isn't him and that there's no way to differentiate himself always festers on. You can also show the psychological trauma that a character has to a particular event or depict things like intrusive thoughts and such in a horrific way.

I agree horikoshi does have a sexualisation problem when it comes to his female characters and its honestly disgusting like there was no need to draw toruu in a manga cover like that or to show miriko all bloodied up and across the floor in the manner that he did. It's disgusting and I haven't even mentioned the other things he did so I do hope that he doesn't do that when it comes to the horror manga.

So yeah there's potential when it comes to the horror manga but I am not sure how his manga would go if the writing quality doesn't change

[queenofbaws]

Hey Queenie, I wanted to leave another comment on your page again (this probably won’t the last hehehe I hope you don’t mind!) because I completely forgot to mention that in your The Almosts series, I loved the argument scene with Chris and Josh in their dorm room when Josh drops out of his course - it shows the true skill of a writer because I don’t think any cutscene of a video game or a TV show or a movie of this scene could ever capture what you wrote. I loved that there was so much angst and tension and you write angst so well. When I read that I was literally sitting at the edge of my seat because the scene was so tense and I was so excited to see how the rest of the scene would pan out. Even before the events of the main game, I loved how all of the characters were so fleshed out and I was going to say you made them three dimensional interesting characters, but I think you went beyond the three dimensions hahahaha! I love how you made all the characters grey characters, like you wrote Ashley as feeling very guilty for her actions but also so angry at Josh for acting this way, I thought that was so interesting! And I found myself legitimately feeling scared at times based on the way Josh was acting, you captured grief spectacularly! You wrote Josh so realistically in terms of his mental health - at times he would be goofing off and having a blast with the others, but then he would get so angry at times and try to lash out at his friends and sort of provoke them and deliberately try to make them angry? You portray mental health so realistically, and you show the ugly sides of it and I think that is so interesting, you even gave Josh a rationale for designing his elaborate revenge scheme but you also showed us how it did not make sense at the same time. I loved how you seamlessly added traces of Josh’s mental health throughout the game, and you could really see the way his relationship had become strained with the others. I can tell you really analysed and researched the game and wrote accordingly to that even the way you wrote the others was so spot on like them being conflicted and not knowing whether to feel upset with the way Josh was acting due to his grief. I loved the therapist analogy with the princess, prince, father and the bull, that was so smart, my jaw literally dropped because that was such a smart literary device (maybe because I’m a psychology major but I loved that)! Thank you again for writing this I’m definitely going to reread this book ❤️❤️

🥲

oh man, i don't even know what to say - you've got me all emotional over here!!!!!!!

i'll let you in on a (not-so-secret) secret: i, too, was a psych major once...and then a straight-up psychologist for a minute afterwards, so the desire to DIG DEEP into characters is just sort of a curse i live with. every day. constantly. all the time. hheheheheheheheh

honestly, when i set out to write t(a), wanting to portray josh's side of the story in a more realistic way was at the tip, tip, tippy-top of my list of things i wanted to accomplish. i think a lot of people, myself included, who played the game were left with sort of a bad taste in our mouths regarding how his whole deal was handled, so i really tried to walk the tightrope between "josh washington deserved better" and "this was always going to be a fucking tragedy and things were always going to hurt."

thank you so much for your KIND AND WONDERFUL words, and thank you too for taking the time to read my stuff!!! i am genuinely teary-eyed rn and i've only just finished breakfast, so i can only IMAGINE what the rest of the day will be like, hahaha!!

[whetstonefires]

If Steve Rogers functions as the Superman of the bunch, the noble hero out of the past who inspires the others to greatness, what exactly is Bucky Barnes role, especially as Captain America himself?

I don't think that's a very meaningful analogy because like. The Justice League and the Avengers are very different teams, and despite their fairly similar ethics Clark and Steve are possibly even more different guys.

Captain America's is a solid general all-rounder, very mid-level in terms of actual power. Problems are frequently too big for him. Superman is stupid strong--every so often something shows up that's more powerful than he is, but he spends most of his life finessing his way through using as much force as he needs without overshooting and causing unacceptable collateral damage. He can move planets.

Psychologically, there's a vast gulf there.

The legacy of Krypton and the, the myth of America are roughly the same shape but are worn in completely opposite ways. No one on Earth knows or cares about Krypton except through Superman, and even he doesn't remember it--sometimes Kara does--so it's just pretty shapes and a deep solemnity.

America is messy and current and in-your-face, it was there before Steve and it'll probably outlive him and sometimes he gets so fed up with its foreign policy decisions or civil rights abuses he puts on a different outfit or goes and lives in a bunker.

'Superman' is a big idea that rests entirely on Kal-El as a person and as a force; 'Captain America' as a concept might be built on Steve and his supersoldier status but it's not dependent on him, they keep making a point of that.

Meanwhile they've made Jon Superman but struggle mightily with how to do that without just making him his dad. Of course they'd be struggling less if they'd let him grow up at a normal speed or were willing to lean into what a fucking bizarre person he ought to be after seven years in a cave with his dad's evil twin; basically Jon Kent doesn't have a character right now and they think he can hold up a title. But actually they know he can't that's why they brought Clark back. Superman is a disaster right now.

So anyway. In classic terms, Bucky was the counterpart of Jimmy Olsen. Then he died--I believe this was established in a retcon in the 60s when they brought Cap back, when Marvel was getting its feet under it as the grounded, realistic superhero comic company.

Then Bucky and Jason Todd both came back in 2005 which was kind of embarrassing for everyone imo. Just like. Did you have to do that at the same time you're making each other's cheap stunts look even more stuntlike.

Bucky's actually done better over the last 18 years than Jason tbh, rip--I mean in terms of interesting stories and development. Jason got his own book and all, he just also was subjected to terrible discontinuity of character and was primarily written by Scott Lobdell for like a decade. Terrible.

In terms of who he can be compared to relative to Superman when he's being Captain America, I. Uhhhhhh. No one in any useful way, I don't think. The obvious place to look is the Death of Superman/Reign of the Supermen period, but like.

Does Bucky have anything really in common with Cyborg Superman other than being a traumatized cyborg? No. Does he have anything in common with The Kid (later Kon-El)? You'd think there'd be something but there really isn't. Each point they have in common (i.e. dehumanizing lab background) they have diametrically opposed relationships to.

Steve's had duplicates and impersonators, I think the anti-commie guy he beat up that time is kind of like his Cyborg Superman equivalent? Except there's a whole political ideology thing going on there which is just not present with Superman. Anyway, not relevant to Bucky.

...you can I think draw some kind of relationship between Sam Wilson as Captain America and John Henry Irons as Steel, because on the writing end of things there's a definite flavor match, in terms of very deliberately creating a very cool black man and holding him up as an exemplar in a superhero story that otherwise has not got a lot of black people in major roles, and making him the best person to uphold the legacy of the Very Important Hero Guy. Like certain conventions are utilized the same in both instances. In certain ways that was two versions of the same story.

But also not really; Irons was very much pinch-hitting and what made him the best was that he was the one determined to do the work rather than claim the glamor; it's a lot more ceremonious and torch-passing with Wilson. A different deal. Although in some ways that's just because Marvel has hung onto and deliberately invested in the Falcon for decades.

DC Comics stop doing weird stuff with Clark's family and identity and reinvest in the supporting cast challenge. Where is Steel what's going on with him. Does he exist in this timeline.

[fraternum-momentum]

Most accurate depiction of Kylar I’ve seen yet, most people forget he’s still basically a teenager and portray him as a greasy incel (which he is) but it’s good to see a realistic portrayal of a character otherwise known to be meme material.

AWAWAQAW AH THANK YOU omg that means so much to me ahughguyhyggygg

And yes, yes, yes, 100 percent !! i mean, i'm not an incel defender, not by a long shot, but we have to remember that they're still people too (although most of them horrible pieces of shit but,, i digress) and there are reasons as to why they became that way. IIRC incel used to be just a website where people talk about being involuntary celibates. Well, that is until it got turned to that whole mess.. but going back on topic, it's really fun to think about the more uh psychological aspects(???????) of a character :]] Like if someone was bullied throughout their life, what would they be like? Is the internet the only place that give them a sense of control, maybe comfort or happiness? Is that why they became a degenerate incel? Did that royally fuck their brain up and warp their sense of reality? Why do they grow obsessive for pc in particular? Is it because they're the only person who's ever showed them kindness throughout their life? We get these glimpses of his backstory throughout the game and i love speculating as to what had happened. It's super duper fun to think about the motive for every action they do.

[important edit: as much as possible, please refer from using 'teenagers'. I know anon didn't mean it that way and they're talking about someone who's older than a teen but it's safer to just use another term that doesn't include minors in the mix]

[for more context please refer to this post: here]

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Social Anxiety and Pretty Privilege in Anime

Disclaimer: If you enjoy any of the following anime the way they are and do not want my take on this, feel free to skip this post. I'm not saying that any of these shows are bad in any way, but I will be looking at it from a viewer's perspective on how well it portrays social anxiety disorders. I do have social anxiety myself, but I am hardly the poster dino for it as the condition varies from person to person. This is just my own take on my own blog, and you're free to disagree, but I encourage you to do so respectfully as my feelings are easily hurt.

Some more anime were added below.

Anime Mentioned:

Komi-san wa, Comyushou desu.

Cool Doji Danshi

Romantic Killer

*(I did not finish Cool Doji Danshi or Komi-san season 2)

The Halo Effect: The halo effect is the tendency for positive impressions of a person, company, brand, or product in one area to positively influence one's opinion or feelings in other areas (Wikipedia). In this case, we will be looking at it in the case of people who are conventionally good-looking being seen more positively. This specificity also describes the popular term: Pretty Privilege.

Since this is the only anime in the list that I finished, I will start things off here. Romantic Killer does a great job portraying symptomology of social anxiety even if it would more closely resemble PTSD in this character's case (although I'm not an expert on the topic). His behaviours and responses change his everyday life, and when it's revealed why he reacts in certain ways, it is not romanticized in any way. It's not played for giggles. If anything, it subverts the trope of the "cool guy" to a whole new level. I'm not saying that shows need to get on his level of backstory (because quite frankly, I don't want every show I'm watching to turn into a psychological thriller in the last few episodes), but I like how this show interprets the symptomology of a panic attack in a way that feels incredibly realistic. For a show that is literally 99% comedy, they certainly got me there.

I get what Cool Daji Danshi is trying to go for, and I do support it even if I can't get behind it or agree with it. Cool Doji Danshi goes with the approach of "These guys are clumsy and make mistakes, but they deal with it in different ways!" I watched the first four episodes to get a feel on what the show was trying to get at and what each of the guy was supposed to represent. The running theme seems to be that besides their social awkwardness and clumsiness all of them are conventionally good-looking in their universe, and people around them react unusually understanding and well because of it. People like me, not conventionally attractive with social anxiety, do not get this luxury whatsoever. If I mess up, it isn't an "oh, he's so cool even when he's absent-minded!" it's a "Never do that shit again. It's embarrassing, dude.", an incredibly judgemental stare, or just the conveyed emotions of absolute pity.

The same thing goes for Komi-san. Komi-san is described as a beautiful ethereal being, and everyone in the whole universe of that anime knows that. This is essentially Cool Doji Danshi's issue for me and cranking it up to a comedic level while consolidating all of it into one character. When I'm nonverbal, unable to speak, and sweating in social situations, it makes the atmosphere awkward. It makes things uncomfortable, and I know that this anime is built on overly exaggerated tropes, but I can't agree with a portrayal that uses the disorder for comedic effect. It just doesn't work for me. Nothing about these experiences is funny, and while there is a time and place to laugh at yourself, this show just felt exhausting to the point of being exploitative towards the disorder.

I wanted to focus on anime that are mostly framed around less heavy and more comedic tones (I swear, Romantic Killer is usually funny and lighthearted). There are other shows that tackle this too that I didn't mention like Welcome to the NHK or the notorious Watamote. There are other more serious anime that take on similar topics such as A Silent Voice and Anohana, but those are far from comedic.

As someone who runs into hurdles and difficulties daily due to social anxiety, it's nice to know that there is representation for people like me. However, I feel that some of these works shift the tone to comedic by making sure that those with social anxiety as an MC or lead character are inherently attractive. To me, social anxiety isn't being perceived as "cool and stoic" with a side of cute awkwardness. It can lead to you making bad social decisions, having a damaged perception of how the outside world looks, and it can seriously impede your everyday life (seriously, failed my driving test twice because I couldn't stop shaking and crying due to a stranger sitting in the car with me). It's not pretty, it's hardly comedic, and it would sure be nice to have a more mainstream show that shows that people with social anxiety can grow with the proper help and support without being born with good looks.

EDIT: Some more anime that came from Anon and my personal viewing.

Tsuritama was a fun watch! I don't remember a ton since I watched it years ago, but it is a relatable representation of what it feels like to drown in anxiety. It's also wacky. I never thought I'd like the duck that much.

I didn't watched Ookiku Furikabutte because I'm not a sports anime person, but I hear it's good!

Bocchi the Rock was not only a great watch, but I found it was an extremely accurate representation as well! Even though it was played off for comedic purposes, I can't say that it wasn't accurate to my being (seriously, even the exaggerated bits were a bit too much like me). Sure, it's an anime that's supposed to be marketed on "cute girls doing cute things", but it never actually says that social anxiety is cute. Heck, it even distinguishes the difference between introversion and social anxiety!

((That's me with my double bass. I hate it (joking)))

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

sometimes I think that I prefer flawed and problematic but genuinely well intentioned depictions of things than perfect and “unproblematic” because honestly… the first feels a lot more real and hits home to me?

the rocky horror picture show is. the rocky horror picture show, it’s got glaring issues with how it approaches queerness in specific along with other things. but it's embrace of negative stereotypes and aggressively going “so you think we're creepy pervert monsters? fine, we are, and that’s cool actually” hits a whole lot more personally than works that have modern sensibilities on queerness and everyone is accepting and uses proper labels.

eva absolutely has issues with weird sexualisation (especially at the beginning of the show) and a whole lot of messy issues with its psychology (being based heavily on fucking freud) but it captured an experience of growing up thinking i was a girl and sexualising myself from a scarily young age i've never seen in any other show (and in general it’s depiction of girls and puberty is shockingly good, it even covers periods and the trauma they can cause) and while it’s psychology is definitely somewhat outdated the depictions of trauma and mental illness are still incredibly real and well written and even the weird sexual freudian stuff works to emphasise the themes of csa in a heartbreakingly frank way. it’s ending, confusing and messy as it is, has prevented me from self harm many times in ways work where everyone's diagnosed and getting therapy and where girl characters don’t grow up being pressured to sexualise themselves since childhood.

following up two classics with a minecraft roleplay might be offensive, but fuck it, i have to mention exile too. it’s exploration of abuse is often messy and switches on and off at the drop of a hat, the trauma and grief was never adressed, and no one seemed quite aware of the fact they wrote something incredibly severe involving topics like grooming and kidnapping, but the mix of normalcy and pain is just such an incredibly accurate depiction of abuse. it seems normal until it’s not, until what’s normal and what’s abusive mix into one. the lack of a solid healing arc and c!tommy going from recovery to relapse frequently was incredibly realistic and reassuring as someone who sometimes does the same that I’m not broken or bad. the lack of awareness on quite how bad it was prevented negative stereotypes from influencing the storyline and simply allowed them to play out without any biased viewing (in fact, the parts that were clearly intentional- the abuse itself- ended up fumbled worse in the end!). it genuinely helped me realise i was abused multiple times and it’s a comfort to me where depictions of abuse that are all sad and where the victim is perfect and the abuser pure evil and all the proper terms are directly and intentionally stated often make me feel worse for being unable to live up to those expectations.

idk. there’s not really a point here. the latter examples aren’t sanitised or bad or anything, they’re just fulfilling a different need, and that’s fine. it’s just… i think condemning things for trying and getting it wrong can hurt sometimes. because sometimes things are complicated and messy irl too.

[rescue-ram]

6, 11, 18 for the writer asks

6. First fic/pairing you wrote for? (If no pairing, describe the plot)

Kdjfjd. Don't remember the first real proper fic that I wrote, but I think the very first fic I ever posted to the Internet was like. "What if Pippin had a Yokomon." And it immediately got deleted by the mods on FF.net for being ""spam"" kfkdk.

11. Weirdest thing you’ve ever written/thought about writing/etc.?

I got pretty wild with Kinktober this year- I think the wildest thing I published was the Hawnk voodoo doll fic kfkdkd, though Trapper Jesus is probably a v close runner up in terms of deranged premises. I- and I am genuinely mortified about this kvkkfd- almost wrote a vore fantasy fic (aka character fantasizing about vore/cannibalism, not enacted.) I half-started it and then realized no- no matter how convinced I am this character could plausibly do that- I absolutely can't publish that kdkdjkf.

ACTUALLY 18. How old were you when you started writing fanfiction

Like 10 or 11 kfkck

EDIT I'M AN IDIOT AND COPIED THE WRONG QUESTION FROM THE ASK MEME BUT I SPENT TOO LONG ON THIS LVKDKXJCM

18. Favorite Fic By Another Author

I COULDN'T PICK JUST ONE Links and squeeing below the cut.

Your Cowboy Days Are Over by Sam Donne is one of those fics I read a little too young but is so good- it's exploration of memory and trauma and parental love and the trolley problem is woven in with this great sci-fi setting and a resistance story. Absolutely phenomenal. Another fic by Sam Donne- Nebraska, an Iron Man fic- is a fic I read once a year every year for over a decade and made me weep uncontrollably at multiple points every time. It's one of the most intensely psychological fics I've ever read and dealt phenomenally with depression and autism and the nature of consciousness, and it fundamentally shaped my language of grief. It also currently only exists as a print out in a fire proof bag next to my social security card. The thought of losing that fic forever genuinely makes me gnaw on things!

One other SGA shout out: A Farm in Iowa by sheafrotherdon. My best friend and I were completely obsessed with this series in high school. Sweet wholesome AU fluff, absolutely bucolic.

In adjacent Stargate fandom, cleanwhiteroom recently posted a revised version of Force Over Distance to AO3 and is working revising on my personal fave of her stories Mathematique! Incredibly compelling slow-burn of a plot with deliciously ambiguous relationships and consciousness blending that questions the nature of self and other. Extremely concept rich story.

The Heart's Obligations by schemingreader I THOUGHT was lost media but it is found!!!! Augh. The ULTIMATE transformative fic to me- so wildly AU from its source material, Harry Potter, it's practically an original novel and yet the knowledge that this ISN'T original and IS informed by outside context changes the way you read it. Really well written and well researched historical novel with lines that have stuck with me for well over a decade.

For Man from UNCLE, couldn't decide between Wonderland and Partners, both by Pat Foley. Really interesting and realistic take on the canon material and makes great use of the Cold War setting.

Force of Nature by Jenna Hilary Sinclair for Brokeback Mountain is an ABSOLUTELY TRANSCENDENT "What if Jack didn't die" fic that is so so realistic and well written and touching. Not a happily ever after fic, but also not needlessly cruel, but a very compelling story of Jack and Ennis making a real relationship work while staying closeted in rural New Mexico. Incredible characterization, good OCs, plotty and long enough to lose yourself in, incredibly influential on my writing in ways I can't even express, you WOULD NOT BELIEVE MY SQUEE when I saw she was writing a sequel after a ten year hiatus!!!!

Graduation by bat400 takes some of the dark storylines from Star Trek Enterprise and plays them out without giving them a neat resolution an episodic TV show demands. Fully explores the depths of tragedy but still pulls it back up to that Star Trek optimism at the end without undermining what came before at all. There are some annoying formatting issues in the AO3 copy from when it was imported, but the story itself still shines. A really well written story about grief, moral injury, and recovery.

Okay we've officially exhausted my "off the top of my head" all time favorites and I'm now mentally gibbering to myself about what else I should mention because clearly I have many favorites that rotate in the back of my mind the way normal people think about scenes and quotes from real books or poems jfkdn.

We will close with Sins and Virtues by Quordle, because I VIVIDLY REMEMBER the experience of reading this I think in high school. I remember pawing thorough livejournal for TrapHawk fic recs, absolutely QwQ at the dearth, and there was like. A single line in a review for another fic, "inspired by the excellent Hawkeye/Mulcahy fic Sins and Virtues by Jane Carnall" and I was SO COMPLETELY GOBSMACKED by the concept of shipping Mulcahy with anyone but especially Hawkeye, I just had to track down this fic. I eventually found her personal archive and started reading the series like "Okay... Okay... Augh. AAAAAAAUGHHHHHHH." I was seriously getting up to pace multiple times during Such as We. Something that really made the series stand out to me was how DIFFERENT it felt. It didn't follow the usual rhythm of tension and release in shippy fics, used none of the usual tropes or short hands- it felt very original, and I loved how historically grounded it was. Like I'm sure you've already read it but if anyone else reading this hasn't, highly highly recommend!!!

[tothepointofinsanity]

If I may, have you ever heard or played the game Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice? Since it has heavy themes on mental health and psychosis in particular, I was wondering how you, someone with schizophrenia, thought of the game, or at least the concept. Not that you need to be interested in it, of course, I just found it fascinating myself.

Anyway, your art is so cool and subversive. It really fits the theme and tone of madoka, especially sayaka.

Ah, thank you for the detailed ask ^^.

Firstly, I think I should clarify that I am [not] an individual who experiences schizophrenia nor psychosis. The “schizo-” term I throw around so often refers to the cluster of personality disorders that I do experience/have. This chart is an oversimplified example of Cluster A personality disorders, which is known as the “eccentric and odd” group. These symptoms can go way beyond just the ones listed below given everyone has their own unique experiences to begin with. They also do not necessarily always manifest as a prerequisite or side to schizophrenia, but they can intersect. It’s hard to find more diagrams for Cluster A that aren’t immediately slotted in with the other clusters because of how idiosyncratic they are, in a sense.

Essentially, what all this means is that I do not experience the positive symptoms of schizophrenia (such as hallucinations) on a basis that can be considered obstructive and result in a dysfunctional interaction between me and Reality. However, the disorder is of the Self, and instead poses hindrance to how I perceive and engage with people living in Reality. Energy is spent preserving yourself and 95% of your time is spent daydreaming and crafting intricate fantasies. Self fulfilment feels like a bottomless need and priority [to me anyways, since other schizoids have other values]. Both negative and positive symptoms impair facets of the individual’s life, most notably socially and interpersonally.

Just wanted to put this out there since it means I cannot provide a valid comment on how the game’s personally shows psychosis. Because I do not have it. Apologies for the confusion and ramble on my end as well as possibly explaining something you might already know.

However, from an academic standpoint, I had looked into the game, and apparently the developers worked alongside neuroscientists, mental health practitioners and even real people with the condition to ensure accuracy of portrayal, which is appreciated. Too many companies tend to consult only professionals on these topics instead of, well, people who live with these conditions. The end product is always different when you actually talk to people with it, and based on the clips I watched, there is definitely good research devoted into its craft. The times where Senua struggles with the darkness and has her thoughts scrambled all over the place while voices instruct her to do things seems to be the hallmark of this. She also appears to undergo dissociative states, which is something I do not often see in games; that realistic overlap of symptoms that aren’t just, “oh my God the voices!” Ah. That’s cool, to see more games put effort in such time into researching psychological topics and issues instead of building it sloppily on stereotypes. I like it, and I have read comments of how the game’s portrayal of Senua’s mental health resonates with a handful of people. If people can find comfort in it, I would not have anything to complain anyways.

Hellblade reminds me of another game with a similar premise. Have you heard of Cry of Fear? If you enjoy games that are more psychological, CoF is an appropriate contender. More games about mental health struggles are always neat since they tend to be founded on different mechanics and playing experiences.

And thank you for the kind words about my art works! Sayaka is my favourite character, and I struggled a lot with trying to draw her at the start as well as finding a suitable art style. I’m glad a lot of people end up liking it. 🙇‍♂️

[decodad]

1, 18, 26

HORROR ask game!! 1. top 3 favorite subgenres 18. a character you really love 26. body horror vs gore?

top 3 favorite subgenres

hmm... an interesting question, because usually when i say i enjoy horror i just give one genre as an example, that being psychological. i looked up a list of different subgenres to help facilitate a more concrete answer, so based on some of my favorite movies being listed in some of them i'd say psychological (the one answer i always give; the shining, get out, the stepford wives), supernatural (the vvitch, midnight mass, carrie), and folk (midsommary, the vvitch again).

that said, when i go for horror i really go for anything that just doesn't have that much gore, as i can't handle it otherwise. genre outside of psychological doesn't much matter to me, so long as it's good.

18. a character you really love

NORMAN BATES!!!! absolutely my favorite character in horror, hands down. the only slasher i like because of the deep, aching pathos behind his character. psycho ii especially is just... heart-wrenching to watch.

26. body horror vs gore?

my answer here is three pronged, as i considered this question from multiple angles...

i find these to be interchangable terms most of the time, if only because as a general rule if either are present in a film or tv show with real people, i cannot watch it. even if the effects are schlocky-- my brain will fill in the gaps. i can't watch films like the thing or the fly remakes for this reason, unfortunately.

that said, in the realm of writing... i haven't read as much horror as i'd like, but i will gladly write or read both! i think for me if the gore i'm writing isn't falling within or at least approaching that realm of fear that body horror invokes, the loss of autonomy over one's corpus, then i'm not doing it right.

and when it comes to artwork that isn't encroaching on replicating things too realistically, gore all the way. body horror at any level of rendering is still usually (but not always) too much for me to look at or imagine. which can be kind of a problem when it comes to creature design for me, since my brain literally will not let me conjure up images disturbing enough for what effect i'm trying to engender...

[thefilmsnob]

Leave the World Behind: *** out of 5

There’s been a steady fixation on end-of-the-world scenarios lately, both in the real world and in the stories we consume. Reasons abound for our pessimistic view of Earth’s future, so it’s not only understandable for our works of fiction to reflect this feeling but entirely expected. Leave the World Behind is the latest depiction of society’s increasing existential angst.

In Sam Esmail’s new psychological thriller, the writer/director wastes no time getting to these heavy themes. The very first scene sees protagonist Amanda Sandford (a weary Julia Roberts) spring it on her half-asleep husband, Clay (Ethan Hawke), that she’s arranged an impromptu weekend vacation for the family at a rental house on Long Island. Her frenzied spontaneity might suggest some sort of mental illness, but what she utters to cap off the scene indicates her problem is even worse: “I fucking hate people.” It’s a sentiment that’s at once a justifiable reaction to our world and a vital factor in how that very world came into being. What’s clear is that Amanda cares less about where they’re going than where they’re leaving, New York City, which happens to be brimming with people.

Upon arriving at their destination, it’s clear this won’t be an ideal vacation, despite the gigantic, modern home and picturesque surroundings. First, the TV and Wi-Fi stop working which, in today’s terms, is all but catastrophic. Also, Amanda notices someone (a sadly underused Kevin Bacon) at the grocery store stocking up on essentials while back at the house, deer show up in gradually larger numbers, an ominous and recurring element that otherwise never completely works. Then there’s the oil tanker that approaches the beach where the family’s trying to relax, causing confusion at first, then utter chaos as the vessel rams into shore. This scene, on the other hand, does work, a nerve-racking set piece that really cranks up the tension.

However, the most intriguing and morally ambiguous dilemma involves the unannounced arrival of George and his daughter Ruth (Mahershala Ali and Myha’la Herrold), who claim to be the homeowners. Apparently, they’ve returned seeking shelter due to a blackout in New York City, but whether that’s true is part of the mystery. The characters also happen to be black, a crucial detail for this story and one that challenges both the Sandfords and the audience to confront any prejudices they hold. The more affable Clay is willing to give the benefit of the doubt, but Amanda is skeptical, barely able to conceal her simmering bigotry.

Yet, the characters transcend oversimplified labels; they’re realistic, their behaviour nuanced. The actors involved are too experienced for one-dimensional performances. Indeed, it’s quite rare for such a distinguished cast to be in this kind of project, but it’s a welcome luxury and one that makes up for an underwhelming picture.

The actors hold our attention and pull us into this mayhem, but so too does Esmail, whose keen sense of pacing and dialogue, combined with the performances and Mac Quayle’s eerie score, helps craft a gripping experience, a mystery begging to be unraveled. The setup is akin to Jordan Peele’s Us, 2019’s near-masterpiece that also begins with strangers arriving at the rental home of a vacationing family. Yet, adept as he is, Esmail falls short of Peele’s mastery of ideas and images.

For one thing, he’s overly busy with his camera. It moves around every which way, from above and below, spinning around and spying on our characters. At first, it adds suspense, but it becomes distracting, as if a recent film grad’s just itching to use every trick he’s learned. He also stages some clunky set pieces involving a crashing airplane or a fleet of self-driving cars that deviate from the story’s tone. Even worse is a late scene featuring a sea of deer that’s unintentionally goofy due to some shoddy CGI and bizarre character reactions.

As the larger picture comes into focus, the tension dissipates like the air from a balloon as we reach a conclusion that feels, if not predictable then frustratingly inevitable. Esmail is an astute observer of humanity and the conclusions he draws are sound, but it’s as if he’s reciting an essay instead of telling a story. Much of the content is over-explained, leaving scant room for subtext or interpretation. At the same time, he scatters on the screen an array of societal flaws like class inequality, racism, cynicism, over-reliance on technology, environmental abuse, etc but never completely zooms in for a closer look, settling for superficial insight.

This trend of over-explaining and under-developing is seen in the racial tension that develops subtlety but never fully, and when the filmmakers do address the sad situation of the black homeowners sleeping in the basement while the white visitors sleep upstairs, a character spells it out for us while a visual cue would’ve done just fine. Storytellers like Peele conjure up all sorts of intriguing symbols and concepts that coalesce for the narrative’s sake but not at the expense of our own intellect or imagination. We draw our own conclusions from the exquisite pieces that Peele lays out; in Leave the World Behind, Esmail does all the work for us.

There’s a subplot in the film involving the daughter, Rose (Farrah Mackenzie), and her quest to finish the program, Friends. She’s reached the series finale but can’t stream it once the internet goes down. This is her primary concern as the world’s ending. It’s supposed to be a metaphor for our misplaced priorities and over reliance on modern technology, but it also represents the seemingly trivial little bits of comfort we cling to when we’re distressed. This relates to something Clay says about his student who’s writing a book on how media serves as both an escape and a reflection.

Friends was never extraordinary. It’s not as brilliant, incisive or original as some of its contemporaries like Seinfeld or Frasier. Yet, despite that, its characters and their stories make it thoroughly watchable. In that sense, Leave the World Behind is as much a reflection of Friends as it is the real world, though it’s doubtful you’ll revisit it as much as the juicy drama between Ross and Rachel.

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[shihalyfie]

With Digimon Ghost Game starting, I thought about how different it is from previous Digimon series, though it's still undoubtedly Digimon... and then I realized all Digimon series are like that. So I wonder, what do you think sets each Digimon series apart from the rest?

I think both Ghost Game but also the reboot have been a wake-up call for people in terms of realizing that likes, dislikes, and tastes are subjective, and I think it's especially important in terms of this fanbase that is so obsessed with this idea you can objectively rank things by quality -- especially when each series is often deliberately trying to have its own identity, so it's arguably apples and oranges -- and forcing this idea of what's Good and Not Good on everyone else (especially when there's a nasty double standard phenomenon where Adventure and often Tamers get to be so impervious to criticism that people conveniently forget they're perfectly capable of being scrutinized for a lot of things they're weaker in). Very frustrating to see everyone who likes less popular series treated as if they have to accept that they like a "badly written series" for some things and everything else is a guilty pleasure, which I find to be incredibly dumb.

The most important take-home here is that the fact each series has its own identity is always going to be the main factor in what makes it "good" or not to you, not some arbitrary bar of comparison that's based on some narrow-minded view of "good writing" (which is usually unreasonably based on Adventure). For instance, the reason why 02 is so important to me is because (see below), to me, it has the highest amount of meaningful, important life lessons and themes that it wanted its audience to remember, to the point that I frankly do not care about where the plot goes in comparison. That may not be the case for everyone else, and that's fine, but should my tastes be called unreasonable for that? I think we're also coming to realize that because of Adventure (and kind of 02)'s precedent, so many people have been judging series purely by how intimate their individual character development style is, but this is unfair because Adventure and 02's ridiculous level of character depth to psychological detail is extremely unusual and unrealistic to expect of others; Adventure and 02 only achieved this by practically considering the plot utterly subservient to its character arcs, and it's arguably why they have some of the weakest "plots" in this franchise. It's so bizarre that I can see character development in other Digimon series that outstrips even most kids' anime on the market, but it's not as much as Adventure's so apparently it's bad. And, moreover, as it turns out, some people have priorities other than characterization; just because Adventure had that as its strength doesn't mean that's the only thing anyone should care about. Is the plot fun? Is there a meaningful message besides characters (also important to me)? Do you vibe with the tone being dark, or being silly? How much do you care about resourceful usage of Digimon lore? That kind of thing. Everyone is different, so that's why everyone has their own priorities. If you’re someone who prefers darker content, you may not realize that writing good and well-timed comedy is actually a very, very difficult task, especially when said comedy simultaneously has meaning (in comparison, it’s surprisingly easy to write “dark” but shallow content).

I think it's fair to like every Digimon series for its own thing, depending on your personal tastes. I can't speak for everyone, but my impressions are that it has to do with the following:

Adventure: Significantly easier to understand than 02 due to its more straightforward plot, and focus on individual character development ("individualism" being a strong point here). In terms of characters, it goes a lot into some very real social problems (the divorce around the Ishida and Takaishi families and the pressures surrounding Jou, for instance) in a very realistic manner. Also, it has that sense of mystique and absurdism to the Digital World that's both whimsical but also mysterious, and while 02 has it too, Adventure's the isekai story that has it the most.

02: The first is its focus on the importance of human relationships and the compelling group dynamic unparalleled in this franchise, and the second is its important themes and life lessons that I think are some of the strongest in said franchise. I have a whole tag for the ridiculous amount of nuance packed into every detail and dialogue line for this series, and I think every time I've rewatched an episode I've learned something new about it because there are so many things that clearly wanted to be said in each line. The entire series is basically an unpacking of the feelings of insidious self-hatred and the crushing feeling of being subject to society's expectations, and ones that are so deep-seated that you often don’t even have a single answer to how to unpack it (for instance, Miyako hardly has a tragic single event in her backstory, but she says and does a lot of things that'll be painfully familiar to those who have experienced chronic anxiety). Almost every plot point can be said to connect to each character arc in some way, and the mantras for appreciating and treasuring your own life and living life the way you will make this, in my opinion, the strongest series in terms of speaking to those who struggle with this kind of existential crisis for reasons of depression or otherwise. (Oops, I think I went too passionate about this; my biases are obvious...)

Tamers: I think it forms an interesting study and unpacking of the kinds of things you take for granted in Digimon or the monster-collecting genre in general, and an examination of how they'd work in a real-world context (although 02 had a focus on daily life, it didn't quite merge the Digimon and the real world factors until very late in the series). Also, probably the second highest on "hard sci-fi" (the only one that outstrips it is probably Appmon, but Appmon has a very different, more simplified take on it).

Frontier: A series that lies somewhere between Adventure's scale of individualism and 02's scale of group dynamic, and one more discussing the feeling of having your heart hardened from being an outcast, and what it takes to accept the idea of opening yourself up to others again. Recommended for those who like transforming hero and magical girl stories, too. From the Digimon perspective, also the one with the most detailed and consistent Digital World mythos.

Savers: I think this is the series that most drives home "life is complicated" (i.e. there isn't a single mastermind behind everything) in the most tasteful manner, because while it drives home the point that you can't just simplify everything into a good side and a bad side, some bad things really are evil (hi, Kurata), and it doesn't change the fact that everyone's responsible for cleaning up the fallout. The portrayal of the evils of government bureaucracy is probably the most realistic out of any of these series.

Xros Wars: For those who like fun, most of all! For those who like seeing Digimon finally get more of the spotlight and individuality since so much of it had been geared and biased towards the humans prior to this. For those who really like worldbuilding, and, after all, this is called Xros Wars, so it's interesting to see shakeups on the usual formulas in the form of the different factions and their priorities. Hunters is very different in tone, but I do think they have some of these aspects in common; that said, it being closer to having single partnerships brings it a bit closer in line to conventional Digimon partnerships, and it also has more of a picture of daily life. Also, as much as Tagiru is probably your-mileage-may-vary since he's not exactly a very nice kid (I get it if you don't vibe with that), which may also rub those hoping for not nice kids to become nice the wrong way, I do have to say I find him to be one of the funniest characters in this entire franchise, and you'd be surprised how hard good comedy is to write.

Appmon: Probably one of the strongest theme narratives besides 02, since it has a very clear and obvious theme about the importance of kindness in a world where technology is dominating and we're almost encouraged to strip the feelings out of everything. (Bonus for more straightforward plot than Adventure or 02 while still retaining a lot of its elements in terms of how to characterize them.) Also the first series to be speculative about the near future instead of taking place around the time it airs, and it's very obvious it wants to provide important and necessary commentary about what we need to do in the incoming era, especially as a lot of what it has to say becomes increasingly relevant.

Reboot: For those who like Digimon mythos and null canon -- this is probably the only series to show it off in this level of detail -- and the kind of cool action fights that would usually be saved for the climax in prior series (and animated in much more intimate detail with battle choreography than prior series would have). There are a lot of people into this franchise who felt like it genuinely was not making enough use of its Digimon roster and its potential because it kept going back to the old standbys (especially Adventure-based ones), so it was a huge relief for that crowd to see attention finally being paid.

[annetteblog]

I spent January 1 watching YoI and it’s the best way to start a new year, I guess

So, yes, after all these years I finally watched Yuri on Ice. The biggest thanks to all people, who recommended me to do it, because it was amazing :) 

Now, beware of my incoherent rambling about the characters, the plot, figure skating, Victuri (Victuuri?), LGBTQ+ representation, and Russia, just because I need this 🙃

First of all, I had never thought that one day I would end up having a crush on a Russian man, but here I am, having crush on a Russian 2D man. Victor Nikiforov, how dare you steal my heart like this! He’s some kind of a damn Russian Apollo... So I perfectly understand Yuri’s gay panic in the first couple of episodes 🤣 dude, I feel you.....

What I specifically liked about the characters, it’s their growth. They were not frozen, but gradually developed to become more mature towards the end. Victor becoming less selfish, more compassionate and empathic; Yuri becoming mentally stronger and more confident. And Yurio... he’s such a lovely pirozhochek!!! :D Really, this “I-am-strong-and-independent-grown-up” kid with his love to pirozhki is just 🥰 But yes, he also mentally grew.

For me as a Russian, it was a pleasure to see normal Russian characters in a foreign show. They were talented and nice, wow, that really happened!!! Honestly, I’m so sick of this “bad-drinking-vodka-prison-tatoos-nucklear-weapon-terrible-accent” narrative (I watched Tenet the other day, and I was literally sitting like this 😐 the entire film; they forgot to add a bear for the full picture). And normal Cyrillic! Not perfect or 100% correct, but at least it was readable and understandable, not just a classic American movie with a Russian text, which looks like this - зжэщгардгрвъ шщыралойцы фвзпролдрппппп (yes, I just hit my keyboard). The same applies to the athletes from other countries. Kazakhstan!! Otabek!!!! 

I also needed to pause one of the episodes just to scream at this

Aeroflot (rus - Аэрофлот) is a Russian airline. And yeah, it sucks 😄

But seriously, you can clearly see that they did their research, cared for details and payed attention to things, and I, as a foreign viewer, really appreciated this. I really hope, that one beautiful day shows’ producers start to make characters from different cultures, who are just... you know... ordinary normal people? and not just a bunch of stereotypes?? or necessarily devilish evil just because they are from another country??? 

And now, the ship! 

I’m not really familiar with a lot of anime, and definitely not familiar with genres like yaoi, although I’ve heard about its stereotypes and certain common patterns. Here, however, it was a pleasure to see a same-sex relationship, which was not just a cool fetish for some young straight girls (nothing against young straight girls), but like... an actual relationship? Plus the creators successfully embedded it into the main plot, without shifting the central focus of the show and abandoning the actual sport competitions. 

I really enjoyed the delicate approach to the relationship’s development. Considering the characters’ own path of progress, the relationship they formed were equal and mature. Also their care and clear tenderness towards each other were speaking louder than words.

Sidenote. I had never realized how much I needed a Russian non-straight character in my life until, well, yesterday. Thankfully, I had the Internet since I was around 11, so I spent my teenage years watching a lot of American/ West-European tv-series. LGBTQ+ representation was not something out of the ordinary, it was not a taboo; and it mattered to me, a young girl, who tried to figure out what the F was going on with my own self. But I had never seen a Russian LGBTQ+ fictional character on the screen. Ever. Honestly, I had never payed attention to this fact. Normally I don’t really care about a person’s nationality, so I couldn’t even think that having some queer character, who is Russian, would be somehow important to me. As it turned out yesterday, it was actually important. And, I guess, one of the deeply personal reasons why I liked YoI, was the fact of seeing someone from my own country and my own culture, who was non-straight and being just fine and perfect the way he was. Even though I’m not a struggling young girl anymore. 

Okay, back to the tale, before I become a teary mess again. 

Their relationship was heartwarming to watch. Although there were clearly some sexual undertones, it didn’t end up being just some sexy gay boys. It was definitely about the growth of love, firstly fragile but becoming stronger and more affectionate with time. Their bond became psychologically equal; and they do complement each other, being codependent in the best sense. And it was beautiful. 

However, from what I quickly gathered while reading a few comments, some people still claimed that there was not enough clarity in terms of their relationship?? I have to disagree with this completely. Excuse me, but you don’t exchange matching golden rings in a church with your friend to wear it on your ring finger. You definitely don’t passionately kiss it seconds before an important performance. And you don’t cry your eyes out if your friend suggests you to end your partnership. If you do, I have some news for you, dear 🤡

I honestly can’t figure out what kind of a bigger clarity some people want. If the same plot was shown between a man and a woman, you would get the message from the episode 1. Or at least from that episode, where they were naked making out i mean...... practicing some moves?? wtf it was, honestly, I was too busy laughing 😆 However, seriously, what do you need? Is this really necessary to show an R-rated sex scene for some people just to get it? Lame. 

Sure, YoI was not perfect. Some bits with figure skating were off, and there was some obvious magic going on in terms of homophobia, more specifically - its absence. I mean, I’m not an expert in LGBTQ+ rights in Japan (although I know it’s not  that great), but if a Russian figure skater came out or just had some kind of (publicly known) unidentified close relationship with a same-sex partner, their successful career would be over. And not just Russian, I guess, any figure skater would face similar problems. It’s a very conservative sport. 

But, actually, I was grateful that they showed it the way they did. Fairytale-ish. A show doesn’t have to be realistic to be great. It’s enough if it warms our hearts and gives hope to the brighter future. The real world may be cruel and unjust, but we all need kind and reassuring stories to keep us going. And such story about caring relationship and love is the great example of this. 

Lovely, funny, refreshing, and heartwarming. 

Or, just quoting Victor

vkusno!!! (c) 

😄

I will definitely rewatch it at some points in my life.

and now excuse me, I need to fall into the rabbit hole of fanfiction, haha stupid me

P.S. 

This moment was 

hot

[linkspooky]

Touya is Dead, Dabi is Here.

Dabi is the foil to Endeavor. His villainous foil. However, not everything is about Endeavor. Let’s shove him to the side for a second. Dabi is also the villainous foil to himself, in a stranget twist and turn of events. Dabi has a villain persona that he plays up, he’s trying to show everyone that he’s the monster created by Endeavor’s monstrous actions, but I think he’s also playing himself as the opposite of Touya, the villainous foil to Touya’s once heroic ambitions. Touya was supposed to die, but Touya lived. Now, Dabi is trying to destroy everything Touya is, by embodying the opposite of everything Touya was. 

1. The Child Who Didn’t Get Saved

Touya’s remembered in a certain way by his family members. Endeavor doesn’t even seem to pity the child who died on his watch, so much as he pities himself. He pities the fact that he didn’t get to raise his son up into a successor. When he sees the scarred up Dabi still alive in front of him, he doesn’t feel happiness that his long dead son is alive, or even pity for the monster covered in burns. 

His first thought is disappointment, that Dabi didn’t grow up into what he wanted him to be. Natsu remembers the crying child that always clung to him, but he probably has the most realistic view of his brother. Someone who was suffering under his father, and someone whose pain shouldn’t be forgiven or swept under the rug. Whereas Fuyumi and Shoto who were both less close to Touya, don’t even seem to know how to talk about him, or how to feel. 

Touya is in the eyes of others around him, either a sad and tragic case. A crying child in need of saving who unfortanately did not get saved. Or he’s just not talked about at all. I’m not going to talk about Shoto and Fuyumi because of course they don’t know how to feel about the death of their own brother, and their mom who they’ve been seperated from for a decorated they’re coming to terms with all that slowly but... not only did society as a whole forget about Touya but, Endeavor too. He doesn’t really see Touya. He just sees an unfortanate lost child. He sees a son who he wants to come home. Touya died so young, and so suddenly that his feelings aren’t really recognized. Nobody really knows Touya, and the Touya they all understand is the sad child he used to be. The sad, pitiful, tragic, child. 

And is it any wonder that Touya doesn’t want to be this person anymore? That Dabi denies being this person? If all Touya used to be was a sad child, constantly crying, who was never good enough no matter how hard he tried. Then wouldn’t it make sense that Dabi wouldn’t want to be this person anymore? 

It’s painful being Touya. Touya is vulnerable, a child who couldn’t do anything about his situation. A child who tried so hard he ended up burning himself. Not only is Touya vulnerable, he’s frail, weak, all the things Dabi doesn’t want to be and all the things his father found worthless. Touya has flames stronger than anyone, but a weak constitution to go along with it, so much so he always ends up hurting himself with his own fire. It’s pretty obvious to see that Dabi is in pain, everyone else around him except for Dabi himself seems to notice it. He’s covered in burn wounds at all times, he’s literally constantly smoking, and just barely stitched together. Yet, Dabi denies being in pain, and through doing that, he denies himself. 

2. That Child Grew Up Into An Asshole

Denial is a coping mecahnism.  Refusing to acknowledge that something is wrong is a way of coping with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety. Rather than simply being vulnerable, it’s sometimes easier to deny that you are ever vulnerable atall. Especially for people like Dabi who spent long periods in their childhood feeling helpless and week. 

From the moment a baby comes into the world, forming attachments to parents or other caregivers is critical to a child’s emotional, physical and psychological development. For an infant, having a gentle and responsive caregiver provides the nurturing a child needs to grow into a healthy adult. A cared for child develops self-esteem, feels secure in exploring the world around him or her and has a strong foundation for understanding how to build healthy relationships later in life.

But if those earliest relationships break down, the child may experience what is known as abandonment or neglect trauma.

One way of coping with this trauma is to be entirely self sufficient. To basically close up, never need to rely on other people ever, and therefore never open up. Basically, what Dabi denies more than anything else is his vulnerability, even though it’s obvious he’s in pain. 

Vulnerability, after all is the reason he got abandoned. Touya was tossed to the side because he was too weak. Therefore, in an effort to be strong Dabi denies feeling any pain at all, and in the process shuts out his other feelings. He also denies anything, his connection to his family, any feelings of guilt or remorse he might have.

Self-denail, and self-abuse, it’s the same reason kids from bad homes end up acting irresponsibly and abusing drugs, it’s all a fancy way to hurt yourself. 

If overthinking about things causes him pain, causes him to break Dabi’s solution is to simply not think about things. If being Touya is too painful for him, then Dabi chooses not to be a person and plays up the monster. 

It’s almost like Dabi and Touya are two separate people stitched sloppily together, but they’re coming apart slowly at the seams. Dabi pretends to be a remorseless villain when facing off with Endeavor, but then in front of the crowds when he’s begging for sympathy he shows off all of his burns, sits politely, and presents a character that is much more human making his case that he killed innocent people but he did so with reason, for a good cause. While, the same Dabi instead of Endaevor seems to just want to burn everything for the fun of it. The point being that, Dabi contradicts himself a lot. He argues with himself. 

It’s because Dabi is putting on deliberate acts. He’s changing himself based on the audience. It’s just that he’s also not as good of an actor as he thinks he is. However the performance seems to be pretty consistent at least for the most part, he wants everyone to regret what Touya became because of Endeavor’s abuse so he purposefully makes himself into the opposite of everything Touya was. Touya wanted to be a hero to carry on his father’s legacy, Dabi is a villain dedicated to completely destroying his father’s reputation and leading him to ruin. 

Touya was known for being particularly close to Natsuo, not only playing with him all the time, but confiding in him. Touya must have been a good big brother to Natsuo if Natsuo misses him so much. Yet, Dabi acts like Natsuo is nothing special, just another casualty in his revenge on Endeavor. 

Touya was someone always working hard to earn Endeavor’s attention and please him. Dabi seems to only want to bring about Endeavor’s ruin and think of ways of hurting him. There’s a certain irony in Dabi being so laser focused on Endeavor, because once again you reap what you sow. Endeavor wanted to raise his child to exist solely for his purpose, to carry on his legacy, to center everything around Endeavor’s needs rather than to care for another living human being with needs of his own and that’s what he got - someone who is singularly laser focused and obsessed with bringing him down. Even if Touya is still obsessed with only Endeavor to the point of forgetting the rest of his family, that’s literally just a symptom, a side effect of child abuse, of Endeavor raising Touya with the expectation that he had to please him.

Touya was a kid who is always crying, and Dabi seems to have no feelings at all. Once again, always, always he presents himself as the opposite of everything that Touya was and wanted to be. 

Dabi denies that he is Touya, and therefore denies that he is in pain. 

He pulls his brother close, and hugs him, and then does the opposite of what a big brother is supposed and hurts his younger brother instead of protecting him.

It’s not just Dabi being the opposite of Touya, it’s almost like he’s doing everything he can, to  burn up and riun Touya’s memory. To deny that any part of him ever was Touya. 

Dabi is in denial, but also I think some part of Dabi is aware of his denial. Like I said, he contradicts himself. He says that these are Endeavros’ flames, then just as easily he says “no duh, it’s obvious I’m not Endeavor.” 

I think Dabi realizes what he is doing, it’s just at the moment he believes he has to do this. It’s the only way. Whatever, Dabi is hoping to achieve, the radical reform of society, the destruciton of the hero system, it’s more important the feelings of his family, and more important than his own feelings. 

However, if those feelings are there it means Dabi isn’t without hope. There’s still a human side to Dabi. Dabi is still Touya, the same way Shigaraki is same Tenko. Their child selves died, but they never did die. Dabi is trying to be pure evil, but parts of him are still good he’s just suppressing himself. 

I think what Dabi needs to realize is that his hurt feelings, his feelings of vulnerability, are just as important as the strength he fights with. He needs both parts of himself in order to live on, weak little Touya and villainous Dabi. I don’t think Dabi will turn into a 100% good person, but as for character development the same way that Shoto is learning to reconcile his two disparagent sides, his ice and his flames. I hope that Dabi learns that he’s still Touya, while being Dabi at the same time. He’s not a villain, he’s someone capable of being both good and bad. It’s only that way he can learn to live on as Touya, rather than hoping to die and drag his father to hell with him as Dabi.