#this seems like it would be a generic staple in every deck

[dravidious]

I just found this card and

Why is this card not in every single commander deck ever?

[thecommandertable]

Wilds of Eldraine - in the 99 of Artisan Decks: Part 2 of 2

Find Part 1 here!

Red

This card screams 'Zada'-- that deck is very good at drawing lots of cards and making lots of creatures, and any card that can draw a bunch of cards while also generating mana has the potential to turn the dial up to 11. The only speedbump here is that the vast majority of creature tokens that Zada decks create only have 1 toughness, so we have to do something to protect them before we can start flicking coins. Kick in the Door and Blazing Crescendo give them some extra toughness, as well as the new cards Monstrous Rage and Witch's Mark. Otherworldly Outburst lets you upgrade your creatures when they die. And once we've got those cards, we might as well run Spawning Breath, too.

A Trumpet Blast with a dual role in aristocrats decks? That seems pretty good.

Hearth Elemental takes some maneuvering to get maximum value from it, but if you do, it's essentially a 3-mana 3/4 that draws you two cards; if you cast Stoke Genius and don't have any cards left in hand, you don't have to discard anything and you draw 2, then, if you have enough of the appropriate cards in your graveyard, you can cast the creature half for a single red mana.

If your red voltron deck can make good use of the adventure half of Two-Headed Hunter, Twice the Rage, adding the option of getting a 5/4 menace creature for 5 mana afterwards is nothing to scoff at. For example, I recently played against a Mr. Orfeo, the Boulder deck that this giant would probably feel at home in.

Unruly Catapult is the latest in a line of creatures that tap to deal 1 damage to each opponent and becomes untapped when you cast a certain type of spell. They are underwhelming on their lonesome, but can enable some very powerful things. In a Malcolm, Keen-Eyed Navigator and/or Breeches, Brazen Plunderer deck, if you change the Catapult from a Construct into a Pirate (with something like Amoeboid Changeling), you get three treasures and/or impulse draw from each of your opponents' libraries. You can also pair it with a Curiosity effect to draw three cards for every activation.

Green

There are a number of big green creatures that can help you ramp early in the game if you need them to, but they're all 6-mana or greater: Krosan Tusker, Shefet Monitor, Greater Tanuki, Beanstalk Giant, etc. Explore-type effects are generally less reliable than Rampant Growth-type effects, but Beanstalk Wurm's unique spot on the curve might get it into some decks. Having reach is another big point in its favor as green ramp decks often have a difficult time defending themselves against fliers.

When I gave my first impression of Greta, Sweettooth Scourge, I wrote that "I expect the deck to be functional, but not especially powerful unless we get some exceptional food payoffs at common/uncommon". Well, this is an exceptional food payoff at uncommon. This will be the card that food decks will want to draw the most; having Night of the Sweets' Revenge on the battlefield will give them access to a lot of additional mana and a win condition.

Just as green decks that care about +1/+1 counters tend to run Snakeskin Veil over Tamiyo's Safekeeping, I expect decks that care about auras or enchantments to run Royal Treatment.

A very functional Naturalize (sorcery speed, but that's ok) stapled to a 6-mana 6/7 with an evasion ability!? Stormkeld Vanguard looks excellent. I expect to be playing with and against this card a lot.

Most of the Artisan 'enchantress' decks out there are aura-centric as it is, so Tanglespan Lookout joins the ranks of Mesa Enchantress, Satyr Enchanter, Gnarlback Rhino, and Season of Growth; we're getting closer to the critical mass of enchantress effects needed for these decks to become truly degenerate. Note that Tanglespan Lookout's ability triggers upon etb of an aura and not on cast, which means it draws when you attach a role token to a creature or flicker an aura with something like Flicker of Fate.

Normally I'd advise caution about cards that trigger off of doing high-mv stuff, since the average deck only has 8-10 cards with 5 mv or greater. But Up the Beanstalk draws a card when it enters the battlefield draws a card when it enters the battlefield, so the floor here is super low. You only need to trigger it one time for it to be good, and obviously a ramp deck or a deck that is otherwise built to cast big spells should be able to trigger it more than once. An excellent card.

This isn't quite the marquee payoff for food decks that Night of the Sweets' Revenge is, but it's still good. The two separate instances of token creation synergizes well with Peregrin Took.

Multicolored

Callous Sell-Sword fits well into Juri for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, Fling effects are a crucial part of eliminating players once you've built up a gigantic Juri, so having that attached to a creature is helpful. Second, Callous Sell-Sword is another way to generate a large creature by sacrificing small creatures, which is good in a pinch if you've drawn an extra fling effect.

Likewise, Frolicking Familiar fills both roles needed in Balmor decks; it's a small, evasive creature that gets pumped by instants/sorceries in addition to being an instant. It's even a wizard, in case you're trying to optimize with Adeliz, the Cinder Wind!

Also, it's adorable.

Colorless

Collector's Vault looks like a serviceable little card selection/ramp piece. It might find a spot in decks that get extra value from treasure tokens like Juri and Thalisse.

To be honest, I don't know where Eriette's Tempting Apple fits into the format. It's entirely possible that no one will use it. I did want to note it, though, because it's the only colorless card with a Threaten effect (ignoring Turn Against). Blue has had Ray of Command, but now green, white, and black have access to the effect.

Whew. That was a ton of cards! This is my first time writing a set review like this, but I suspect that this is a higher density of Artisan-relevant cards than the average Standard-legal set. A lot of the draft archetypes here overlap with existing Artisan deck archetypes, or push themes that weren't quite there before into viability. There's plenty to be excited about!

[enigma-im]

Sucker Punched

Rating: Mature Relationship: Alien X Female!Human Warning: Dirty talk, strong language, Alien/human relationship, mention of blood

Word Count:6163

         I punched an alien and now he wont stop following me around

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bustle around the office was gratuitous and migraine-inducing. Crowds were never my thing, to begin with, now the opinion is evermore justified. The undistinguished murmur wasn't as calming as the ocean sounds its similar to. It just made me tense and strive to leave as soon as possible. Sadly my wants didn’t matter to my responsibilities. I had papers to collect and people to see.

The ESA has been visited by the Tatze, a race of peaceful bipedal beetles. They come to talk about working with ESA to help some refugees have a place to be kept. According to the few reports I had a second to review, a planet on the verge of being near a soon to be supernova star needed to uproot. The planet wasn’t too large, but it held a good diversity of beings. It was a hospitable planet that hasn’t evolved into intelligent life, so it was taken as free real estate. I knew nothing else about the situation, I just knew I had a lot of work to do.

I'm in charge of running around like a chicken with its head cut off. In other words, I run paperwork around to get signed. Mainly to accept relocations and housing. There is ample room for a good portion of these refugees but that still meant a lot of paperwork. Most of the issues being assigning people for specific jobs. I had to get approval for supervisors to run the dorms. Get people to stock the dorm, needed translators available, and empaths to help evade future problems.

As much running around I have to do, I feel worse for the people processing each individual. That’s who took up most of the room in the office. The printer has to be going nonstop since we got info on the newcomers.

I shoved around the group, holding the folder of papers close to my chest. I quickly push to Becker's office, making it through the door. I slam it behind myself, caught my breath, then got straight to it.

I caught Becker's eyes as I walked to his desk. He was standing behind his chair and on the phone. His pose was tense, which was understandable.

"I need you to read over this and assign workers for the first three decks," I spoke quickly. I toss the first folder onto his desk.

He looks down at the papers with a glare," I don’t have time for that. Give it to Regina."

"Regina already assigned her workers, now it’s your turn," I slide the folder closer. He huffs and slams his hand onto the papers.

"Fine," He snaps, "No not you, do you have Kurtis down there?" He went from snappy to pleasant in a second. Knowing the conversation was over I turn and walk out the door.

I storm through the crowd, catching a few elbows to the ribs on the way out. I cut out the offices and into the not so quiet walkway. I speed down the hallway towards the elevator, just catching it as the door closes. I stop a few feet away, debating my options. These elevators take a year and a half to respond. Which balances out the pros and cons with the capacity of the cabin. I cut my losses and turn to the stairs, the floor I need wasn’t that far.

I rush down the stairs, feeling like a missed a few on the way down. As I cut the corner for the next bout of steps. My foot slides on a mysterious wet patch. My leg slid and I didn’t have time to correct. I reach for the railing, managing to catch myself but drop the papers in the process.

"Fuck," I snarl. I right myself and make quick work of lifting the papers. Some managed to soak up some of the floor fluids. "Fuck," I groan. I drop my head to my shoulder and allow myself a second of frustration. After the second I get back to work.

I round out the door, shoulder checking some alien on the way. Not bothering to look I continue onwards. I make it to the storage office. Heading directly to the front desk I set down the folders with unorganized and slightly damp papers. I look up at the human working the information desk.

"I need everything on this sheet sent to E17 and dealt with by Sabrina," I sort through the folders before handing the worker one.

"Well absolutely, it will be my pleasure," the worker smiles brightly. The smile was anything but infectious. If I had to choose some words they would be 'damn disgusting'. They look up at me and pout, "Aw, where's that smile?"

"At home," I sneer. I turn and bolt from the room. Damn people who work in storages have it so easy. Everything is sorted and mostly automated by bots. They don’t deal with this traffic. Their smile was like a slap, making me envious of their simple work.

The next hour goes in a rush, my folder pile dwindling. I'm damn near ready to break down with a childish tantrum. I'm tired and in need of some food. I want nothing more than to roll up in my little nook of blankets. Turn on some cheesy monster flicks and pass out near some microwaved dinner.

I had one more folder, it just needed to be given to processing so they know what room is meant for the newcomers. I walk from the surprisingly quiet hallway into a less surprisingly loud waiting room. Any other time the area is covered in chairs and generally, those chairs are empty. Now you can’t even see the chairs, the room was a sea of people. Lots of Aliens, mostly staying consistent with only a few types. Varying only slightly.

I slide around the room, hugging the walls. With humans, catching some elbows it fine. With aliens, that could mean a concussion. I reach the door I need, open it with some strife. I walk into a conjoined office. The room separated by a partition wall. Some human-looking aliens were sitting behind both desks. One had a visitor and the other, the one I need, is alone. Easy in and out.

I sneak around as to not disturb the large alien sitting with the desk worker. I get behind the partition and catch Ja'Leah's eye.

"Oh hey, Phoebe," She greets as she hangs up the phone," What do I owe the pleasure?"

I walk over and set the folder down," Last one of the days. Housing, enjoy." I let go with a flourish.

"last one of the day? You must be ecstatic," She half-smiles. Ja'Leah grabs the folder and thumbs through it.

"Yes, I’m going to pass the fuck out," I sigh at the thought.

She looks up for a second," Day that bad?"

I give her a warning look," It been awful. I'm five seconds away from a breakdown."

"Sounds bad, great to look forward to. My day just started," She laughs.

"Girl, I mean this from the bottom of my heart. Good luck," I chuckle. I hear a thump from behind the wall.

"I’m going to need all the luck I need. What's that saying you have about luck," she asks. I cock my head behind the wall but ignore the noise as she asks.

"Tons of saying. Kiss for luck, luck of the Irish, um beginner's luck," I ramble.

"No, not those," she ponders," oh well, I won’t keep you." with a wave I turn to walk out.

As I pass into the other office I’m blocked by the large alien. He is snarling something out at the poor worker. As rude as it was, I didn’t care. I need to get home before I snap.

"Excuse me," I push lightly against their arm. He has a threatening protrusion from his elbow. It is attached to the padding on his forearm. I give it a wide breadth.

He turns and snarls at me, then back to snarling at the poor man. I try to sneak around again but their arm swings out, blocking the way.

"Hey, move," I snap. Reaching my final nerve. The man growls. When I press softly against his arm to move, he turns towards me fully. He crouches down so we are facing level and lets out a ground-shaking roar. His hands are posed claws out near his bent knees. I tense up and scrunch away from the air escaping his mouth. Once he is done, I turn and glare at him. Then before he could say a word, I deck him the nose.

I knew as I lifted my arm it was a bad idea. It was impulsive and without my command. His head barely moves but his jaw did shut. His hands drop as did his shoulders. Dark fluid began to drip from his nose, dripping onto the hard floor. He looks bewildered, which was impressive given his permanent scowl caused by his lowered brow. I could feel the silence in the room along with the pulsing of my knuckles. Man has a sturdy face, or I have weak bones.

Nobody said anything as he straightens. He presses his fingers to his nose, collecting the blood. He glances down at it, raising an eyebrow before looking back at me.

I lean back; afraid he is going to lash out. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes to mind. I quickly close it and point to the door. Then as fast as I could, I walk out. Leaving everyone to the tense silence.

Oh god, I'm going to be fired.

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

The day ended in constant fits of anxiety. Every task was done in a mundane fashion, almost like I was in autopilot. My mind went a mile a minute. Thinking about every outcome of my boneheaded impulsion. If anyone in that room said something to my boss, I was surely doomed. This job is all I have, and I love it. Not everyone can get this kind of job, it took months of screening just to be considered. Government jobs are hard enough to get planetside but to be carted off into space to do it is almost impossible.

I walk into my office the next day, tense for the soon to be lecture and inevitable departure. Trying to be a goody-two-shoes I went straight to work. Perhaps if I seem valuable that I’d just get a warning. I found some work that needed to be handed to my supervisor. I looked it over then promptly avoid it as long as I could. Feeling the minute I let them acknowledge me I was in for trouble.

After I procrastinate as much as I could I drop my shoulders. Looking at the stapled pieces of paper.

"Guess there is no avoiding that," I huff. With a quick breath of bravery, I grab the stack and march to their office. Perhaps if I treat it like a band-aid it will somehow be less devastating.

I knock on their door, then enter when I hear their invitation.

"Phoebe, watcha need," Tyler asks. He is surrounded by stacks of folders and binders. I do not envy his job. Mine may be an over-glorified delivery person but he was the one who had to approve everything. No thank you.

"I, uh, this is for you," I lost some of my courage. He reaches out his hand ready to take my offering. I quickly hand it to him. Standing there patiently for the tongue lashing.

Yet nothing happens. He thumbs through the sheets then looks up at me with a curt smile and nod.

"Need something else," he asks.

"Uh, no I guess," I smile confused. Then I turn and walk out of the room. Closing the door behind me.

Does he not know? Did no one say anything? Why wouldn’t the large alien I sucker-punched not report me? I made the man bleed for crying out loud!

I sigh as I lean against the wall. If they didn’t say anything I won’t. I'm not going to throw myself under the bus if not necessary.

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

I continue with work like normal, not letting myself think about possible outcomes or reasons they didn’t say anything. It would be a dark hole to fall into. I'll worry about it later.

Today is less crazy. The offices aren't cramped, and the copy room is empty. A nice calm after the storm but I’m sure housing is losing their minds.

I hear the shuffling of people outside my door. I look up and see small groups of people leaving, looking at the clock I notice its lunchtime. Glancing at my work I figure it be a good time for a break.

Saving my work on the computer then organizing my paper, I leave. I check my pocket as I stroll to the hallways, making sure I have my money on me. The lunch here isn't expensive or good but you can’t expect the money to go to fancier things. Some alien vendors here serve some savory smelling food, making me wish I dared to eat it. The human food general stayed bland, except on Fridays. They have special meals on those days, but it was as flavorful as boxed dinners.

I enter the cafeteria and order a simple ham sandwich. I just need nutrients, so I don’t get woozy while working. Figure I don’t need to enjoy my meal. Not that I would anyway.

I grab a random table towards the back of the room. Wanting mostly to be alone today. I have friends, some being in the room, but I'm just emotionally exhausted. I’ll just think for a while. Reflect on the event of today and future work I should finish before days end.

As I stare down at my phone, I hear a chair screech in front of me. I glance up and find someone sitting across from me. Realization strikes me when I look at their face.

"Uh," I drop my hand to the table, setting my phone down. I lean back in the chair and stare at the alien who is now lacking blood from their nose.

He sits relaxed against the chair that seems comically small to his herculean stature. His torso was bare save for a dark green sash. It seems to hold some tools, serving an actual function besides cosmetics. He looks like he is wearing pants, but I can’t tell from the table. Either way, he was large and in charge. Horns that blend away from platting on the side of his head strikes me immediately when I look at his face. His dark hair was shaved into a faux hawk. Despite it being fluffy and soft looking, it did not take away from his intimidating physique. He was scary, but he sat like he wasn’t about to kill me. Which I guess is a start.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday. It was uncalled for me to hit you like that," I began to apologize. He stares at me with a blank face. Seeming like he isn’t getting my words. He opens his mouth and lets out some grumbles and growls. "I did not get any of that," I stare back. Is he trying to talk?

He growls some more but when he notices I’m staring just as blankly as he was, he stops. Leaning forward onto his forearms he points to his mouth and ear. I shake my head, so he repeats. Still not getting it he sneers then holds out his hand. Motioning for me to come closer. I shake my head, not wanting him to be near my head with his clawed fingers.

He drops his hand to the table with a loud thud, giving a frustrated look. Thinking for a second before he turns his head and points at the small box behind his ear. It is a translation battery. The little computer is generally implanted behind the ear, leaving the battery exposed for easy access. We may be in the future, but no one has figured out how to keep the damned thing charged.

"Is it broke," I ask forgetting he can’t understand me. So I point at his ear then mime breaking a twig. He shakes his head. Alright, not broke. I ponder for a moment. What else could stop him from understanding? Mine isn’t broke so I should understand him. Unless his language isn’t common therefore not input into the system. I look up at him to explain my guess but remember he can’t comprehend me. How do I mime that?

I simply nod. Hoping he figures I know what he is trying to say. He nods back, leaning back into the chair. Ok, now what? He crosses his arm and looks me over, growling out some words.

"You have a weird language," I mumble to myself. He speaks some more, probably getting a little liberty as saying whatever he wants. Probably cursing me, I can’t imagine I'm his favorite person right now. I shrug and lift my phone back up.

As I swipe through my social feed, I hear him growl some more. Then growl a little louder, gaining my attention. I shift my phone aside and look at him. He points to my phone. I twist it to ask if this is what he means. He shakes his head then gestures to his hand then points at mine.

"Oh, my hand," I say mostly for my benefit. I set my phone down and look at my very bruised knuckles. For as hard as I hit him, I’m surprised I don’t have any cuts from the skin splitting. The last two knuckles were still swollen as the first two are just bruised. Guess I have a crooked punch. Not that I’ve ever really punched someone before, don’t exactly have a technique.

He reaches out and snatches my hand. I wince as his thumb presses on the several bruises. His hold loosens as he peeks up at me. He grimaces for a second, like an apology. I nod. He looks back down at my knuckles, softly tracing the bone with his thumb. He smiles and huffs before bringing his head down. He pecks at each knuckle, shocking me completely. I jerk my hand away, cradling it against my chest

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing," I snap. He leans back in his chair with a smirk. Showing off his canines that sit on either end of that smile. He crosses his arms and laughs when I glare at him. Is he making fun of me? I can’t even begin to comprehend what is happening. I also cannot deny the blush streaking across my cheeks. Being too caught up in my unease I don’t notice him reaching across the table. Using his forefinger and thumb he grabs my chin. Turning my head to face him, he smirks. Growling out something I couldn’t comprehend. Seeing how flustered I am he laughs again. Dropping his hold he leans back again.

"If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you are flirting with me," I mumble. It was meant as a joke, but it came out worried. I’m not someone who has to learn about different alien cultures, just some 'learn this to not offend' kind of stuff. Flirting, or courting as some people call it, isn’t something I learned. Perhaps this was a challenge, fight me for hitting him. It didn’t seem right. id imagine a threat comes out more, well, threateningly. Don’t see warriors kissing people's hands.

He sat with me in silence for the rest of the meal. Which I won’t lie, I kinda rushed my lunch. I pack up my trash and with a nod, I leave. His eyes follow me the entire time, all the way to the door.

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

The next week he continues showing up at lunch, flirting more. At least I assume its flirting. He is very touchy and loves growling at me knowing I can’t understand. I see him a few times in the hallways, following me to my office before he leaves me alone. It’s a rinse and repeat week for him. If I’m late I catch him outside the offices in the hallway.

I try to push him from my mind for the rest of my workday. Throwing the memory from my head as I indulge my workload. I actually got a lot of work done, perhaps I will have an early day as well. Completely invested I don’t hear the door open. But I do hear a chair scrape across the floor.

Looking up I see the buff alien. I push against my desk, flattening myself to the chair. He grabbed a chair and slid it beside my desk. Where he then plants himself down. I watch completely caught off guard and confused. Once he makes himself comfortable, he looks over at me. Looking me over he cocks an eyebrow. He has never entered my office before.

"Hi," I quirk an eyebrow as well. He waves before crossing his arms. Sitting there casually, leaving me the only one freaking out. Why the fuck is he in here?

I look around the room then back to him. He abandoned looking at me and is investigating my desk. Touching a few paperweights and desk toys. Regarding the few pictures, I have framed. I watch him as I sit in shock, if not confused.

Realizing I’m staring he looks over. He waves again a little confused. I glare at him then point at the door.

"Get out," I snap. He looks at the door then back at me. He shakes his head. I stand and point again. He also repeats his actions. He points at himself then the chair. I stretch my arms out," Why are you here!"

He stares blankly but amused. God, he is infuriating. I might just punch him again.

"We are getting your fucking translator fixed," I growl as I storm out the office. I can hear the chair screech and can only figure he is following me. As I march through the room, I see some people giving curious glances. I ignore them as I make my way to tech support.

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

I parade into the room, slamming the door against the wall in the process. The few techies in the room snap their heads up at my outburst. Their faces go a little more fearful when they see my unwanted companion.

"I have a favor," I snarl. My venomous streak should be a little worrying. It has just been a stressful week, I need the weekend.

One of the techies jump up and walk over," Y-yes, how may I help you?". He was an extremely thin and mousy looking man.

I grab the big buff boy behind me and drag him forward," His language isn't translating." to emphasize my point the alien growls out a few words. The slim man looks up at him and nods.

"Alright, um, sit over here," he fidgets his hands as he walks back to his desk. We follow and I point to the chair for Hercules to sit. He does as he is commanded but does so with an annoying smirk. Damn annoying cute smirk.

The mousy man spits out some growls to my surprise. It seems it’s also to the large man's surprise too. He tilts his head and growls back. They talk back and forth.

"You can understand him," I ask. They both turn to me, the slim man nods.

"Yes, his language is old, but I learned it during my learning years," he answers, "it's uncommon and needs time to be added to the system so it can be understood."

I grab on to the back of the large man's chair, "Then can you do me another favor and ask him why he has been following me around?"

He nods and grumbles out some words to the man. As the slim one turns to tell me the large one grabs his arm stopping him. They talk some more before the slender one finally speaks to me.

"He doesn’t want me to tell you," he answers. I glare down at him then at the large one.

"Ask him for his name then," I sneer. It takes a second for the techie to realize I’m talking to him. The large one turns to me with that damned smirk. He answers the techie.

"His name is Ker'chak, or Kurt for short," he answers. I glare down at Kurt. Keeping my gaze he reaches for my hand and brings it up to his lips. Once his lip meets my knuckles, I drag my hand away. Letting go of his chair and stepping back. He snickers then turn back to the slim man. They converse and I see the techie blush. Once again, I assume so. I’m not educated in alien emotions.

"What did he say," I ask folding my arms. The slender man looks up at me then back at Kurt.

"Uh, I rather not repeat it," he hesitates. I raise my eyebrow then look over at Kurt who is still smiling. He even winks at me. How universal is that?

"So he is flirting with me," I ask. The techie nods as he hides his face in his palm. "Ask him what do I have to do to get him to leave me alone," I cock my hip. He does as he is asked. Kurt growls, sneering at the mousy man. Then he shoots up and stalks towards me. I snap back in shock and step backward. Feeling distressed at his demeanor change.

I back up till I hit a wall, wincing as my head bangs off it. Kurt doesn’t stop till he reaches his hand over my head to the wall. His chest presses against mine. I raise my hand and push against him. My other hands staying flush against the cold wall. He grabs my fist on his chest and holds it still. Even thumbing the skin of my wrist. He growls, sounding more like a purr. His head dips so his nose brushes against my temple. He rumbles out some words.

Across the room the techies chirps up to translate," uh, he says he won’t be leaving you. Not till he can explain himself. No moment sooner." Kurt growls some more, "I'm not repeating that," the slim man calls out. Kurt chuckles as he noses my hairline. My heart beating a mile a minute and my stomach fluttering. My eyes couldn’t stop flickering as I fought against closing them. They finally won out as he kisses my temple, I sigh. I couldn’t stop myself from nuzzling back against him. Kurt chuckles as he brings my hand up to kiss.

Getting perhaps a little too caught up in the situation I barely hear the awkward coughing of the other people in the room. My eyes snap open, horridly embarrass at being seen in such an intimate situation. I rip my hand from his hold and push both hands against his chest. Raising his own hands in surrender he backs up. Laughing as he does so.

Kurt growls some more, "He is such a raunchy man," the translator said behind him. Kurt gives me a once over with a satisfied smile. He then drops his hands when he is a reasonable distance away. Turning around and sitting back in the chair. He speaks to the slim man some then look at me expectantly.

"He hopes that made it clear what his intention may be," the slender man sighs. I feel a little bad for the man, I came here for pure intention. Well mostly pure, I just wanted the lug gone. Now I'm not a hundred percent as before. God, I'm so deprived.

"I’d have to say it does," I huff. Looking down at his pants there was a slight tent. I guess that does explain his intentions.

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>

The techie explained that getting his language into the system would take some time. Also that his translator needed to be updated. Which is good that is has been worked on since he first got here apparently. So it’s any day now when it will be done. I knew his translator was returned and just needed to wait for the update to be sent to it so he can understand everyone around him.

I did everything in my power to avoid him. His constant nearness has begun to break down my defenses. The day in the tech support was like he took a sledgehammer to my walls. I didn’t like the fluttering in my stomach at seeing him at lunch the next day. One day when I stood to get ready to go to lunch, I thought better of it. I just need some space.

It was no surprise that he didn’t care about my avoidance. When I didn’t show up for lunch, he would just come to the office and sit. After the first two times, he started bringing food with him for both of us. Just stuff to snack on, a lot of fruits or wrapped bars. It was kind of him, but it just made me more constricted. I don’t want him around, that lie tasted bitter after the second week.

As we both sat at my desk, him trying everything in his power to be distracting, I try to work. He has taken to touching me as much as possible. Like now, he is tracing the seams on my jeans. It was distracting around my shins but easily discarded. But when he got around my knees and thighs I jumped. That was like jump-starting a car because he did everything he could to make me jump after that. Right now he was tracing behind my knee, smirking up at me as I stare daggers into the computer. I’ve gotten better at acting like I don’t care. He has also stepped up his game.

Not getting the reaction he wants he grabs behind my knee and twists me to face him. I lift my hands, so I don’t sweep my keyboard off the table. Then I glare down at him.

"May I help you," I ask. He still can’t understand me, but he has gotten better at discerning the tone. Kurt smiles before he grabs my other leg and jerks me forward. I was airborne for a terrifying second before I land on his lap. Straddling him and clenching his shoulders. He growls out something then purrs as he noses at my hairline. Running his hands up the back of my thighs. Before he could grope my ass, I grab one of his hands.

"No," I slide his hands down. He pouts out the corner of my eye but goes back to smiling. He kisses behind my ear and massages my thighs. I bite into my cheek to stop the sigh that wants to escape. Having picked up on the nuances of my tone he also figured out that my little sighs were a good sign. Despite my best attempts when he nibbled on my ear, I let out a sigh. Even a small moan. This man is both infuriating and arousing.

"God, I can smell your cunt," he growls. I tense.

"What," I ask as I push back. He too tenses staring at me wide-eyed.

"Uh," he starts.

"You are vulgar," I huff with a start of a smile.

"Then don’t smell so damn good," he laughs. I squirm out of his hold to get on my feet, but he holds strong, "Where you going?"

I manage to get out of his hold and sit back in my seat, "We are going to have a nice long talk."

He huffs, "I’d rather be doing something else." I give him a once over.

"Yea, I didn’t notice," I quirk a brow. He laughs as he sits back and crosses his arms.

"Well, beautiful, it seems the translator now works. Ask away," he flourishes hand. I straighten my shirt as I get comfortable. I lean against the arm of the chair as I give him another once over.

"Why are you following me around," I start.

He tilts his head, "I feel I've answered that one."

"Not really," I respond, "I punch you in the face and suddenly you are around constantly."

He chuckles as he absentmindedly rubs his nose, "Quite the punch it was too. It was a little crooked so goddess only knows how much harder you could have hit if it was proper." He groans at the memory, running his hand over his thigh.

I look him over, "Did that turn you on?"

He snaps his head straight," Of course. Love me a woman who can put me in my place," he groans again.

"Perv," I hiss as I look away. Staring at the wall, calming my nerves a bit.

"I just know what I like, and you are it," he smiles. He reaches over and pulls my chair closer, so my knee is between his.

I glance at him from the corner of my eye, "So you just want to get into my pants?"

His hands grab my knees, "Your pants, your bed, your heart. I want to be in all of them."

I turn fully towards him, "you want to date?"

"To the divines, yes," He moans. His hands go further up my thighs, thumbing the seam. I stop him when he gets too close to my crotch.

"We are talking, stop distracting me," I reprimand. He looks from his hands to me.

"So it is distracting," he cocks an eyebrow. I glare down at him, not wanting to give up my interest yet.

"Why follow me around, I showed my disinterest very early on," I change the subject back.

"I don’t believe that was fair, I didn’t get a chance to woo you with my words," he answers," even though I believe I'm doing a great job with my body in its stead."

"Cocky aren't you," I ask as I slide his hands away.

"Damn straight, I'm a very worthy male and you are a very, deliciously strong, worthy female," he lays it on thick. He stands and presses his hands to the top of the chair. Framing my head between his powerful arms. He leans down, leaving a small space between us. "I want you, that has been very clear. Which makes me the only one being very clear. So to be completely transparent I offer this. If you want me, even a little, kiss me. If you don’t then I will walk out that door and leave you alone," he proposes.

I stare up at him, quick glances at his lips. My mind is completely blank, not offering me any words of wisdom right now. He lays it all out, it’s my choice now. If I want him to leave, he will go, be out of my hair. That thought was bitter like all the lies I told myself all week.

Fuck it.

I jump up, wrapping my arms around his neck. I press my lips to his, forceful and telling. He sucks in a breath in shock before wrapping his arms around my back. Lifting me out of the chair and holding me against his chest. Tilting his head, our nose brushing against each other, he sucks on my lip. Giving it his all; his joy, his wants, his desires.

He wraps my legs around his waist, resting his hands on my rear. He parts and gives me a warm smile. Gropes my ass and cocks his eyebrow. I chuckle at his questioning look.

"No, you are taking me out on a date and wooing me properly," I scold as I pet his hair. It is as soft and fluffy as it looks.

He pouts, " not even some hand stuff?"

"No, not in my office," I pull his horn. Tilting his head to the side and kissing him. He groans into my mouth, his hands massaging my cheeks.

He pulls back, " Then let’s go to your room, problem fixed. I've been tortured by your arousal all week. The most divine of torture but it must be remedied soon." I jerk his head back, exposing his neck.

"And you have been driving me crazy all month, live with it big boy," I kiss his neck. He hisses, baring his teeth to the ceiling.

"Goddess, you are pure torment, my sexy female," he growls. He tries to drop his head, but I jerk it back. I bite down hard onto his taunt neck tendon.

"Good, you deserve it," I laugh. I sit up straight and catch his eye, "Dinner at my place tonight."

He nods, "then sex?"

"Woo me with those words you promise and maybe," I smirk.

"I look forward to it," He grins.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Might make another part, might not. either way check out my archive. Follow for more stories, i have way too much free time with my new job.

[sp00kyjellybeans]

YO DUDE I HAD AN EPIC THOUGHT AND IMMA TELL YOU COZ YOUR WRITING IS INCREDIBLE!! So like imagine being a psychic or something. Like you’ve got an intuition that tells you shit about things and is correct 99% of the time, you’re into tarot readings and seances, and you meet the ghostface boys. IMMEDIATE alarms are going off in your head but you give them the benefit of the doubt and get to know them. Eventually you can’t ignore your intuition anymore and do a tarot spread to find out wtf exactly is going on with these boys and WHAMO your “I’ve got a bad feeling about these two” is backed up by the cards saying they’re serial killers. That’s all I got lol do with this as you please

Intuition

First off, so sorry this took so long. I absolutely adore this concept though so I’m going to make this the best I can hehe. Don’t expect a happy ending though. Thank you for your patience, I love ur prompts u send so pls do send more!

---

You weren’t popular in high school. If we’re being honest here.

Often times than not, that was your doing. You grew up with this gut feeling. That’s what you would call it for people who didn’t understand. For those rare friends that weren’t into anything remotely spiritual. 

Spirituality has been your staple for many years. That’s why so many friends have come and gone and why you were considered an outcast at Woodsboro. The self-proclaimed Witch. 

Your practices in the Occult were important to you. Your rituals were sacred and nothing was going to come between that. And that gut feeling, aka intuition, guided you to help avoid the most dangerous of situations. Or just plain inconveniences. Whatever it may be. You never ignored it. Because that feeling was always right. 

So here you were, desperately trying to find a store called ‘The Energy Within’ since you had nothing better to do after school. It was a new metaphysical supply shop that had found a home in the vacant building of the Woodsboro Shopping Center. Since it was bound to disappear in the next month and be replaced by some other local business moving from place to place... You figured you would check out the place to see if it had anything decent. Any crystals that you may not have or maybe a decently carved set of runes. 

You had your eyes trained on the sidewalk to avoid the stares of others you passed when suddenly you bumped into not one but two people.

“Woah-”

“Hey!”

About seven movies in total landed in front of your feet. All were cheesy horror movies. 

“Sorry!” You muttered, dropping down to collect the VHS tapes. “I didn’t mean to run into you I’m trying to find this store.” Neither bothered helping and when you finally stood back up you came face to face with two boys you recognized from school. One of which you had homeroom with. 

“Thanks,” One of them muttered, this wasn’t the one you had a class with, and took the movies from your hands. He was chewing on a piece of gum but it was seemingly robotic, as if his stoic face rarely changed from the harsh glance he was currently giving you.

“No worries. Hey-” The other one interjected, obviously more hyper than the other. “Don’t we have homeroom together? You’re uh...” He tapped a finger to his chin, bouncing on his heels, “(Y/n) right? You’re the satanist or whatever.”

You pursed your lips to form into a thin line, “No, actually. I’m not.”

“Then what are you?” The other boy asked. The more you looked at this kid the more unsettled you were by his lack of emotion. But there was a glint of curiosity that shined in his brown irises to you remained polite. 

“Wiccan,” you answered. Both of them tilted their heads, obviously clueless to what it was. “A witch, basically.”

“Cool,” The taller boy said. “Like The Craft?”

“Sure...” You mumbled, wanting to leave. The two of them seemed kind enough but the pit in your stomach had you itching to push past them. The better part of you was shoving any negative inkling to the back of your mind. They were just asking questions. Plain in simple, there was no harm in that.

“Well,” The taller one spoke again. “I’m Stu and this is Billy. He looks cranky but that’s just a defense mechanism. His mom left,” Stu introduced the two of them and slung a shoulder around an even more annoyed Billy. He responded with a grunt and an aggressive shoulder check to knock off Stu’s lanky arm. 

“Nice to meet you two,” You half-smiled. “I do have to get going, I really wanna find this shop.”

“Oh... right,” Stu nodded. “Have fun!”

And with that, the two boys glided past you. You stood in place for a few seconds, marinating in what had just happened but eventually you moved on. The store was a few blocks ahead which you were grateful for. And unbeknownst to you, the pit in your stomach had evaporated as fast as it had appeared.

___

Much to your dismay, Billy and Stu had interacted with you more often than you expected at school for the rest of the week. Sometimes you would come across them after school, too. Although you wanted to believe otherwise it was unnerving.

Not for any particular reason either. They were beyond nice. Stu was funny as all hell. Billy apologized for being cold when you first met. He hasn’t said anything since then but you assumed that was the nicest he’s ever been to a stranger. He doesn’t glare at you anymore either.

Although every time you spoke with them you were left feeling unsettled. You couldn’t explain it and above all else, you ignored it. The kindness they showed you, or rather that Stu showed you, was nothing like what you were used to. Students at school made fun of you. In town, people ignored you. When they went out of their way to interact, it made your heart all fuzzy. But the rest of you felt troubled, in danger, even.

After another week you turned to what you knew and trusted best. Your tarot deck. You collected several decks over the past few years but this one was your favorite. It was hand-drawn and decorated with the most intricate details. You fell in love with the set as soon as you had set eyes on it.

The reading wasn’t anything like the others you pull from your day to day rituals. You set out the intention of wanting to know why you felt so perturbed after speaking with the pair and the deck gave you a clear answer. 

Two of the three cards that were pulled had fallen out swiftly. You flipped over one of the cards to reveal The Devil card. You weren’t unknown to this card, it had appeared more frequently than you wanted, so this wasn’t concerning. Rather, it was unhelpful. You were feeling negative in general after each occurance with the boys, you made that obvious. You went on at least feeling validated in your feelings.

The next card was revealed to be the Three of Swords. You pondered on this for a moment. Was this a warning? Warning you to be wary of the two? No matter what it was, the card set so far was basically screaming at you to listen to your gut. Listen to it like it had been warning you since the beginning.

The final card you had pulled basically shot out of the deck as you shuffled. You had put it off to read for last, but your intuition was telling you that this could be the most important one. Inching your fingers over the smooth card, you turned it over to reveal The Tower. 

For a moment, you froze. This card was rare for you. Usually, you took things with a grain of salt... but it didn’t feel right. Everything about the situation didn’t feel right to you. You tried rationalizing it in your head. Maybe it wasn’t the boys themselves. Maybe you three were correlated somehow. The universe intended you three to be in a terrible situation. You wanted to believe that rather than the possibility that these boys were... bad. No. One word screamed out to you. Dangerous. 

You attempted to shake off your nerves. You threw the cards back into the deck and shoved it to the side, folding your arms around yourself in a form of comfort. It was fine. You trusted that everything would be fine.

And then suddenly, without a moments notice, your gut feeling had returned. Your phone was ringing.

[fuckyeahalexedler]

Under the toughest minutes of his career, Alex Edler is quietly having his best defensive season yet

Wine, allergies, blue jeans, and Alexander Edler.

As cliché as it sounds, some things really do get better with age.

These past two seasons, at ages 32 and 33, Edler posted 34 and 33 points in 56 and 59 games, respectively. Extrapolate those totals over a full 82-game schedule, and they’re Edler’s second and third-best offensive seasons ever, and his best since 2008/09.

All the while, however, Edler’s defensive numbers took a nosedive under the strain of shouldering more responsibility on a blueline in flux.

Now in 2021, Edler has posted a scant four points in 19 games, but no one is complaining. That’s because he’s also facing the toughest minutes of his career, and yet somehow responding with defensive metrics that blow his last couple of seasons out of the cellar — and might just constitute his best overall performance as a Canuck thus far.

And all at the age of 34.

Where other defenders might be winding down toward retirement, Edler finds himself on the upswing.

Edler’s 2021 deployment: quality over quantity

Though the Canucks’ blueline arguably improved in the 2020 offseason via the addition of Nate Schmidt, Edler’s job hasn’t gotten any easier, mostly because he’s been stapled to Schmidt for the bulk of the season, eating up the team’s toughest minutes.

It’s true that Edler’s current TOI average of 20:19 per game is the lowest since his rookie campaign; but when it comes to deployment, Edler’s 2021 has been all about quality over quantity — as in top-quality opponents in low-quality situations, and all with high-quality results.

No regular Vancouver defender has started more of their shifts in their own end than Edler, who sports a not-so-nice 69% defensive zone-start rate, significantly higher than his 49.9% career average.

As per Micah Blake McCurdy of HockeyViz, Edler has also faced the toughest competition of any Vancouver defender, consistently being thrown out against top lines and whatever elite talent the opposition can muster up.

Both his quality of linemates and PDO of 95.9 — lowest among regular defenders — suggest that Edler isn’t getting quite as much support as he could from other skaters and his goalies when he’s on the ice.

Brutal zone-starts, the strongest competition, and a lack of support from linemates. Sounds like a recipe for defensive disaster, right?

And, yet…

Edler by the numbers

Pick a fancy stat, any fancy stat, and you’ll probably find that Edler leads the 2021 Vancouver blueline in it.

Corsi? Check. Control of scoring chances, and specifically high-danger scoring chances? Oh yeah. Fenwick and Expected Goals? Edler doesn’t just lead the D-corps in those categories, he’s ahead of anyone not named Justin Bailey.

Again, it bears serious mentioning that Edler is accomplishing all this despite the toughest deployment of his career, because these numbers also rank quite well when it comes to comparing them to the Edlers of years past.

In every major defensive metric, Edler is either beating or right in line with his career bests, most of which were recorded during the heyday of the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals run. Obviously, Edler is surrounded by a significantly worse Canucks roster today than he was back then, and yet somehow, he’s still finding the same success.

Let’s not mince words here. Edler isn’t just past his physical prime, he’s probably close to a decade past his physical prime. But here he is being asked to do a much more difficult job than he did in those prime years, and he’s performing just as well, if not better.

Truly, it defies all sense and reasonable explanation. Edler, as it turns out, is equally adept at defending against age-related hockey conventions as he is top-flight on-ice competition.

As far as coach Travis Green, who spoke to our own David Quadrelli on Friday, is concerned, there’s no real secret to Edler’s renewed success, aside from the reduced ice-time. To Green, Edler is the same ol’ Steady Eddie he’s been for the majority of his career in Vancouver.

“I think he’s just playing well,” said Green. “Eddie, he’s been a great defenceman for us for a long time. You know, I think he’s used to getting those tough assignments. We’ve tried to keep his minutes a little bit down by not putting him on the power play. And he looks fresh, he’s smart, he’s been physical. He’s having a good year.”

And lower minutes may go a long way toward explaining Edler’s personal renaissance, but he’s also performing better than before in those areas in which his duties haven’t been reduced, namely, the penalty kill.

Penalty killer queen

As of this writing, the Vancouver Canucks have the tenth-ranked penalty kill in the league at 82.3%, a sizeable jump on their 16th-ranked 80.5% of last year.

As was the case in 2019/20, Edler ranks second on the team in shorthanded minutes per game. He trailed just Chris Tanev last season, and just Travis Hamonic this year — the same Hamonic who has only played five games thus far.

In other words, if you’re going to give a single player credit for the Canucks’ improvement on the PK, you’re going to have to give it to Edler. That’s backed up by the fact that Edler has allowed just 0.32 high-danger chances per shorthanded minute, one of the best rates among regular penalty killers and way, way better than he put up in 2019/20. This is, again, despite being put out there against the other team’s top unit on most occasions.

The Nate Schmidt factor

By this point, we know what you’re all thinking, and it’s almost impressive that we’ve made it this far with only one mention of Nate Schmidt.

Yes, in terms of defensive partners, Edler has a big upgrade in Schmidt — with whom he’s shared the ice approximately 44.5% of the time in 2021 — over Chris Tanev and Troy Stecher, with whom he split the 2019/20 season.

Obviously, Schmidt’s presence alone goes a long way toward explaining Edler’s sudden defensive resurgence. But to suggest that Schmidt is the sole reason for Edler’s stellar performance is to not give the veteran defender his full due.

Both Edler and Schmidt have been significantly better together than they have been apart, and both see their metrics drop drastically with other partners — but more so for Schmidt than Edler.

When he’s not partnered with Schmidt, Edler has spent most of his time alongside rookie Jalen Chatfield. When not with Edler, Schmidt has spent most of his time alongside Tyler Myers.

Despite that time apart, their chemistry has been apparent from the get-go.

“We tried [the Edler/Schmidt pairing] originally at the beginning of the year,” said coach Green. “It wasn’t that we didn’t like it, we just wanted to get Chatfield into some games, and with the hand combos, we had to change the pairings. But that pairing’s been good for us.”

It appears then, that the benefits Schmidt has brought to Edler’s game are, at the very least, somewhat mutual, and that’s something that coach Green certainly agrees with.

“I think it goes hand-in-hand, whenever you have a partnership that you like and that is playing well together,” said Green, “It’s usually because both partners are bringing something to the table. I think they’ve had real good communication, they like playing with each other…they like the assignments they’ve had.”

The eye-test, intangibles, and head coach all agree

Though the numbers definitely look good, they’re perhaps not even the best indicator of Edler’s true excellence. In past seasons, most Vancouver fans would agree that the “eye-test” served Edler better than the fancy statline, and that he’s generally seemed to overperform the expectations of the analytics crowd.

And such is the case in 2021, too, even with a boffo set of stats.

Edler has been noticeably more mobile this year, roving up into the play in a way he hasn’t done since his earliest days in the league. He’s yet to score, but he’s come close on a couple of net-front chances, which says a lot about how active his offence has been.

He’s also hitting — if not exactly as zealously as he used to — with the sort of ferocity Vancouverites haven’t seen in years. His hits-per-60 might be down slightly, but the quality of those hits has increased by board-rattling magnitudes. Edler has made a real habit out of obliterating Calgary Flames this season, and he was one of the few players to stay consistently ornery during that dreadful six-game losing streak — one of the few who seemed genuinely angry to be losing so much. He elbowed Elias Lindholm, decked Rasmus Andersson, and even managed to turn Matthew Tkachuk into an agitatee, rather than an agitator, for once.

If Edler’s stern and silent brand of leadership wasn’t apparent enough during that losing streak, it was key in helping the team get out of it and over it. In fact, Edler’s quiet, steady alternate captaincy has been arguably more important in 2021, with the offseason departures of key leaders Tanev and Jacob Markstrom, than it ever has been before.

So, to summarize, Edler’s ice-time and offensive production may be down, but everything else is up, up, and away. The Canucks’ own man of steely glares has faced the toughest zone-starts and competition of his career and responded with the best defensive statline he’s ever put together, all the while increasing his physicality and playing a vital role in maintaining team culture as the last holdout of the Sedin era.

All of which goes to show, one should always respect their elders — and their Edlers, too.

And one should never count them out.

(Feb. 20, 2021)

[radramblog]

Some vague concern regarding Modern Horizons 2

We’re getting into the thick of the spoilers for Magic’s next Premier, Big Brains Only set, Modern Horizons 2. Which feels almost too cramped, since the set drops in like two weeks, and presumably the full spoiler will be out by the pre-prerelease, which is..a week away or so? I can’t be arsed looking it up.

(love this art tho)

Considering the absolute flood of releases recently, and how dramatic the impact of the first Horizons set was on just about every format in the game, I’m a little concerned about what this set is going to do to the game. The time since last format-warping card is approximately 6 months- and to be fair, that format was pauper, but the window seems to be shortening every time.

I guess what we need to do is start with an examination of Modern Horizons 1.

Released in 2019, the first Modern Horizons was a set built from the ground up to be relevant in eternal formats, have an excellent draft environment, and add loads of value for casual formats like Commander and Cube. And, for the most part, I think it succeeded. While a few cards (Wrenn & Six, Astrolabe, Hogaak) definitely overshot the mark, a huge number have been generally adopted into various competitive strategies in various formats- Ephemerate is a staple roleplayer in flicker decks, Seasoned Pyromancer has kept Red relevant in tempo, Prismatic Vista is the 11th Fetchland no-one knew we needed. The power in the set is extremely well-spread, with the majority of cards radiating power.

The set also had immense appeal for more casual players, as even the commons and uncommons had unique and spicy effects. Drafting it is like a Masters set draft mixed with time spiral, a high-power environment making high-power decks and all sorts of interesting mechanics mixed together. The set truly does feel like Time Spiral 2. The various cards in the set helped bump up fan-favourite tribes such as Slivers, Ninjas, and Bears, as well as the numerous Changelings making them all sorts of shenanigans more viable.

The set just looks gorgeous as well? It was the first to use the Art cards that would later be used in all the Set Boosters, but this was a great opportunity to try it out, with some of the most divine art collections in any set for the past few years. Adding in all the references to older cards and characters, and non-competitive but enfranchised players like myself are going to be hooked.

What makes me love MH1 so much, I think, is that if you just read the cards, it’s clear that the designers were trying to make every card stand out, by just going “what if” for every single one. What if our typical 3/1 for 1W was a Changeling. What if we did Mother of Runes again, but make her playable without being broken? What if our Convoke creature paid you off for convoking it? What if we made Chained to the Rocks actually good? These are all White cards, but that’s just because they’re what show up first on the list.

So where does that leave us with the sequel? I have some pretty mixed feelings so far- on the one hand, the power is clearly there, the art is on point, but some of this feels like either a mistake or at least a misstep. Where MH1 was Time Spiral, I’m getting the feeling that MH2 is Planar Chaos- and I’m not just saying that because Storm is in Green now apparently.

What we’ve seen so far is pretty clearly (to me, at least) an escalation of what MH1 was- where that set seemed largely to be experimenting with what they could do within the rules of the game, this set appears to be trying to find new ways to bend those rules *just a little bit* while still remaining somewhat inbounds. Carth puts the Loyalty Cost icon somewhere outside a Planeswalker for the first time ever, and the wording on his ability is somewhat confusing. Grist, the Hunger Tide, has one of the most interesting and potentially abusable lines of text I’ve seen in a while, and Garth One-Eye- I mean he speaks for himself. The effects on some of these cards feels reminiscent of the MYB Playtest cards- especially Garth- and while some of those were successfully integrated into the game, there’s a limit to how much of that silliness is healthy for the game.

And if Garth reads like a Playtest card, the new showcase cards look like them. I actually really like how these look, but they come attached to one of the sets biggest problems, and one that’s kind of emblematic of MTG design for the past couple years since MH1- Complexity and Collectability Creep.

Modern Horizons 1 has 254 cards in boosters, that you can get either non-foil or foil if you’re lucky. Each pack has 10 commons (or 9 commons and one foil of any rarity), 3 uncommons, one full-art Snow Basic, one rare or mythic, and either a Token or an Art card. There are two cards with special promos- Flusterstorm, the Buy-A-Box, and Astral Drift, the prerelease promo. You can buy it either in a booster packs or in booster boxes. Relatively simple.

For Modern Horizons 2, WoTC needed two separate articles to explain the various packs and promos, and people are still confused (to be fair fuck reading all that). There are 4 different special frames, and it’s incredibly unclear if they’ll be available in foil, or some even in nonfoil, or how you get each one, and apparently Etched foils are back again? What the actual fuck is going on here? Now, this is arguably not that huge a step up considering Strixhaven and its Mystical Archive, but it feels dwarfing compared to the last MH1. I liked the idea of Project Booster Fun at its outset, but at this point I think it’s clear that it’s gone too far.

(that’s gotta be the most ironic card/art pairing in a while...)

And my biggest concern with MH2 is this. It isn’t that the set will be bad (though based on these current spoilers, if you don’t like Squirrels, you’re SOL), because the set designers know what they’re doing, much as magic players love to complain that they don’t. It’s the precedent the sheer complexity of the collection is setting, I guess. I do think it’s too early to tell whether the set is clearly a mistake or it’s going to be great with some rough patches, but don’t get me wrong- I’m pretty sure this is a polarizer.

Fuck me it does have a Frog Samurai in it though, 10/10

[wavering-eyes]

The Three Goals of the F&L List

The TCG got a banlist a couple of weeks ago which went into effect on the 14th. I haven’t posted about it (or any banlist in the past year+...) because I feel it’s the kind of discussion I don’t have much to add to anymore. You can go anywhere and get a banlist analysis because the intent of the banlist is pretty clear to anyone who’s extensively interacted with the metagame. It’s for this reason I think the banlist is sort of self-explanatory, at least when it’s doing its’ job, and as a result, I have little desire to see Konami try to explain it themselves (also because their previous attempts didn’t satisfy anyone). I had pretty much the same feelings with this one.

With that said, there’s still an obvious demand for banlist analysis out there, so I figure it might be helpful to elaborate on my perspective in hopes it saves you, the reader, some time in trying to decode future banlists when they come around. To this end, I have isolated three primary factors that influence which cards end up on the banlist.

First off, as you probably know, the banlist is a tool used to balance the metagame. If a card or deck starts dominating the game at a high level to the point where other decks become unviable or warp around it, that deck will usually be addressed in some major form in the following list. Until recently, SPYRAL had four different cards (Drone, Quik-Fix, Master Plan, and Resort) on the banlist for this reason; the deck is simply too strong at combo-ing off with any more copies of these cards.

Second, the banlist is also used to ensure the game is enjoyable to play irrespective of game balance. The “fun” associated with the game is a really complex topic, but generally, this is meant to explain when cards are hit due to negative experiences with their mechanics. Yata-garasu is a solid example of this. I can personally guarantee you that Yata-garasu could be unbanned next list and see zero competitive success. The reward of denying your opponent a draw is simply too low for it to be worth finding a way to Normal Summon a 200 ATK bird and then hit your opponent with it, given that this absolutely requires you to either go second and break a board, or slow down the game going first without shutting your opponent out entirely. Any combo deck seriously capable of doing this would be infinitely better off going for an FTK or OTK, and any control deck capable of this would be better off just winning traditionally. And yet Yata-garasu remains banned, because at more casual levels of play, this card is about as fun as a root canal. If you’re looking at the banlist and spot a card that doesn’t seem to fit into any particular archetype and doesn’t seem too strong, this is probably the reason why that card is there.

Furthermore, this is also why occasional banlists will come out and indiscriminately nuke every deck relevant to the metagame: players tend to enjoy the game less when the metagame is stale, even if it’s balanced. January 2020 is the most recent example of this: the top four decks at the 2019 WCQ were unquestionably Danger! Thunder, Sky Striker, Salamangreat, and Orcust. These decks had very solid matchup spreads against each other and represented a wide variety of playstyles. Most TCG formats would kill to be this diverse. Nonetheless, once January rolled around, the banlist hit key cards in all of them, because people had grown tired of seeing the same few decks everywhere, and the only one that really managed to survive was Salamangreat.

Third, on a more cynical note: the banlist is also a tool meant to sell a product. If you’re looking at the banlist and can’t discern that a certain card was hit as the result of one of the prior two reasons, it is probably because of this. While there’s something to be said about the play experiences and power levels of Called by the Grave and Red Reboot, I’m going to keep it real with you: I am firmly of the belief that these cards were hit to sell Triple Tactics Talent and Evenly Matched, respectively. Why’s that?

Red Reboot was limited in January 2020 in a format where the premier backrow deck was virtually all spells. A few tiers below the main four of that format were True Draco, which lost Demise and Diagram at the same time, and promptly dropped off the face of the earth; Altergeist with 1 Multifaker, still played only by Doug Zeeff; Guru Control, which was never that good, and had handtraps as backup in the case of Red Reboot anyways; and Traptrix, which saw fringe play at best. Red Reboot obviously saw no play in this format, but Evenly Matched did. So what’s the difference? Why is the less relevant of these cards Limited while the more popular, and arguably powerful one, isn’t?

Yes, Evenly takes your battle phase, and yes, it’s not a Counter Trap so it can still be negated without Solemn Judgment, but once again, let me be real with you: Red Reboot was a Super Rare worth like a dollar on release, and Evenly Matched was reprinted in a premium set three months later, rebounding to around $20 at the time of writing. Money is the motivator here.

Same with Called. Called was a $5 common for the longest time. Handtrap design literally shifted around it (Infinite Impermanence, Nibiru, the Primal Being, and Fantastical Dragon Phantazmay all don’t interact with the card), and as a result, it hadn’t seen much play at all in the previous few months, as the combo decks still remaining shifted towards playing as many extenders as possible, or putting out a negate in under 5 summons. Called was already made irrelevant by the decks that would normally want to play it becoming so powerful that they no longer have to rely on drawing it at all, so why was it hit again?

Triple Tactics Talent goes for nearly $100 a copy right now, that’s why. Why play the card that just counters some hand traps instead of the better going-second card that activates a card from the banlist if your opponent tries to interact with you at all? Called wasn’t much better if you didn’t have to use it, anyways. It’s a bit of a wonder why Konami felt they needed to limit a bad card in order to sell a good one, but let’s consider a few things about the format and world right now:

In-person events have been canceled since March.

The format has become incredibly expensive to play in since then. A 9-card side deck containing a set each of Forbidden Droplet, Lightning Storm, and Infinite Impermanence will cost you like, >$700.

Events since then have mostly been held in simulators.

You do not need to buy cards to play simulators.

You need cards to enter Remote Duel tournaments, but Remote Duels are a total joke and Konami knows it.

Once events reopen, people will probably be searching for budget versions of expensive staples. Called fits that perfectly.

Finally, I’d like to mention that this is also meant to explain why Konami is less willing to hit new cards as opposed to old ones. It is generally not a great look for your company to sell people cards only to tell them they’re not allowed to play those cards. If the time between release and banning is short enough, it raises questions as to why the card was printed in the first place.

So, to recap, consider cards on the banlist with the following questions in the following order:

Did, or would, this card contribute to an unbalanced metagame?

Is this card enjoyable to play against?

Is there a really expensive card that fills the same role as this one?

And if you answer “no” to all three, Konami might just be off their shits. Cannahawk was Limited for like 5 years, after all.

Thanks for reading. After one round of editing, this seems ready for release, but it’s possible there’s something I wanted to express but forgot to. If that happens, or if I come up with an example that demonstrates a possible fourth major factor, I’ll make a followup post.

[commandertheory]

Quantifying Color Power Rankings

This post came about because I was trying to figure out how to quantify the power levels of the different colors in Commander.

Before I get into my methods, be aware that, by necessity, I’m condensing a lot of nuanced information down into numbers. Some caveats about this discussion:

I plan on focusing mainly on cards and effects that are generally useful in Commander. Although there are a ton of cards that are very powerful if you build your deck around them, they tend to push the power level of niche archetypes, rather than improving the position of all decks of that color. For example, while Puresteel Paladin and Sram helped White equipment decks with card flow issues, they didn’t do much to help White decks in general.

Also, we are going to be looking at the more efficient end of the Commander card pool. While Fissure is instant-speed creature removal in monored, it’s way too expensive to see play in Commander (EDHREC backs this assertion up; it’s in ~0% of the decks that can run it). When we talk about how many cards in a given category in a given color, I’ll be talking about cards that are cheap enough (in terms of mana) to see a reasonable amount of play, not expensive outliers.

Speaking of cheap cards, I’m not super interested in limiting the discussion based on budget concerns. I am gonna bring up ridiculously valuable cards like Imperial Seal because I think we need to talk about what’s possible in the format in order to get a good sense of where the imbalance lies. 

Alright, let’s jump in.

I would argue that there are only a handful of types of powerful cards in Commander. I think that powerful cards either:

Increase your resources

Improve the quality of your resources (e.g., tutors)

Answer your opponents’ threats

Kill people

I think that we can divide up those categories where it’s appropriate:

Increase your resources

Cards

Mana

Life

Improve the quality of your resources

Answer your opponents’ threats

Spot

Instants and sorceries (counterspells)

Creature

Artifact

Enchantment

Planeswalker

Land

Mass

Creature

Artifact

Enchantment

Planeswalker

Land

Kill people

We can also remove the categories of cards that aren’t that important in Commander or which don’t really contribute to any particular color’s power in this format.

For example, straight lifegain is generally not good in Commander; most of the lifegain we see is paired with some other category on this list (like Aetherflux Reservoir or Gray Merchant and killing people). Mass planeswalker removal and mass enchantment removal isn’t as important as mass creature removal and mass artifact removal because enchantments and PWs generally aren’t as common in Commander. Planeswalkers also have a built-in answer, so spot removal for them isn’t very important, either. The best examples of spot land destruction (Strip Mine, Wasteland, Tectonic Edge, Ghost Quarter, Dust Bowl) are all colorless so there’s not much point including this category when we’re trying to determine the relative power of colors in Commander.

That leaves us with:

Increase your resources

Cards

Mana

Improve the quality of your resources

Answer your opponents’ threats

Spot

Instants and sorceries (counterspells)

Creature

Artifact

Enchantment

Mass

Creature

Artifact

Land

Kill people

I want to clarify “cards that kill people” a little bit. When I think of cards that kill people, I don’t think of large beatsticks or token armies. If a threat is easily answered with spot removal or a board wipe, when it kills somebody, it’s more a reflection on your opponent’s failure to find an answer, not your threat’s potency. To me, cards that kill people are the ones that:

kill your opponents the turn you cast them and 

aren’t easily disrupted by removal.

You can Doom Blade a Craterhoof, but it did its damage as soon as its ETB trigger was put on the stack. Likewise, you can kill a creature in response to an Insurrection, but there’ll still likely be more than enough power on the board to kill you. Other good examples of cards that kill people are Expropriate and Exsanguinate, since they’re powerful enough to win the game almost out of nowhere and they can only be easily answered via counterspell. In contrast, I don’t think Storm Herd is a good win condition because it gives your opponents a round of turns to answer it and can probably only kill one person at a time without assistance.

I also want to clarify spot removal a little bit. I think of spot removal as something that can stop what your opponent is doing at any time. If it can’t stop the Zealous Conscripts that your opponent’s Kiki-Jiki is targeting, it’s not a great example of spot removal. If it can’t stop the Rings of Brighthearth from copying a Basalt Monolith’s untap ability, it’s not great spot removal.

So we have some categories of powerful effects, and we can consult Mark Rosewater’s Mechanical Color Pie article to see what colors have access to what effects. How are we going to turn these into numerical scores for power level for each color?

In a 100-card singleton format like Commander, what a color can do is not as important as what it can do consistently and efficiently. Monored can answer enchantments efficiently because it has Chaos Warp, but that’s one card in 99, and you’re not likely to draw it in most games. 

I think the best measure of whether a color can do something is whether there are enough efficient versions of that effect that you can expect to consistently find them by the time you need them. Figuring out when you “need” a way to kill your opponents or a way to increase your cards in hand is tricky, but figuring out when you “need” an answer is a little easier.

In some playgroups, you need to be able to answer a threat by turn 5 or you’ll die. Most Commander metagames are a bit slower than that, but it’s not super difficult to figure out when the haymakers usually come down in your playgroup; I think in most, it would be turn 8-10ish. Let’s say that a 90% chance to draw the effect you need by turn 8 is proof that a color is “good enough” for the purposes of ensuring you have an answer to a threat reasonably consistently.

If we plug a 99 card deck, a sample size of 15 (7 card opener + 8 draw steps), and a desired success percentage of 90% into a hypergeometric calculator, you’re told that you need to run 13 redundant effects of whatever you’re trying to do. This may seem like a lot, but note that some effects can substitute for others. A Beast Within counts toward Green’s spot removal for artifacts, creatures, enchantments, and planeswalkers (and lands, I guess). Efficient card draw spells increase the number of cards you see, so you don’t have to run as many of the desired effect if you’re running a bunch of card draw. 

Most importantly, efficient tutors are wild cards that count towards every other effect you could possibly want in a game of Commander. 

So if your color has enough efficient tutors that you can expect to draw one or more by the critical point in every game, then you only need to have access to a single copy of any given effect to ensure that you’ll be able to find that one effect every game. 

For example, there is one spell in Black that kills artifacts (not really counting Gate to Phyrexia):

It’s incredibly inefficient, but it exists. If monoblack was in the same boat as monored, then there’s no way this could help you answer artifacts in most games. But monoblack has access to a million tutors; just counting the ones that cost four or less, we have:

Demonic Tutor

Vampiric Tutor

Cruel Tutor

Beseech the Queen

Imperial Seal

Grim Tutor

Diabolic Intent

Doomsday

Diabolic Tutor

Insidious Dreams

Mastermind’s Acquisition

Adding those 11 cards to Phyrexian Tribute, we get an 88% chance to find artifact destruction in monoblack by turn 8. Sounds good enough to me!

There only needs to be one color pie mistake in Black for the effect to show up in every game, and I’d argue that it’s the same for Green. 

Green is not supposed to be the color of creature control, and by the numbers, that appears to be the case. In terms of unconditional instant-speed Green spot removal that hits creatures, it’s basically just Beast Within. In terms of mass removal, you’re limited to Ezuri’s Predation and the newly printed Apex Altisaur.

Green may only have one Apex Altisaur, but it has a hell of a lot of ways to find it:

Green Sun’s Zenith

Worldly Tutor

Sylvan Tutor

Chord of Calling

Fierce Empath

Fauna Shaman

Tooth and Nail

Survival of the Fittest

Natural Order

Finale of Devastation

Summoner’s Pact

None of the above are bad cards in Commander; most of them are format staples and you’re not hurting your deck by running any of them. They also make it so that you are practically guaranteed to find any one-of effect that makes it to print, provided that card is a creature.

Also, while other colors have to run 13 ways to kill artifacts, 13 ways to kill enchantments, 13 ways to kill creatures, and 13 win conditions if they want to have access to those effects by turn 8, Green can get most of the way there by running 11 efficient tutors, 1 Bane of Progress, 1 Apex Altisaur, and 1 Craterhoof Behemoth.

Not only does Green get to stretch its few extremely efficient answers very far because it has so many tutors, but it also gets to make much more efficient use of its limited deck slots. Those 14 cards that cover you perfectly across 4 categories of useful effects would take up 52 card slots if there were no overlap among the cards and no wildcard tutors in your color identity. 

With all that in mind, let’s take a look at how many efficient effects we have in each color:

Ways to Increase Your Resources

Cards

White: Mentor of the Meek (if running tokens/weenies)

Blue: Too many to count

Black: Too many to count

Red: Wheel of Fortune, Reforge the Soul

Green: Shamanic Revelation, Collective Unconscious, Regal Force (if going wide), Hunter’s Insight, Hunter’s Prowess, Soul’s Majesty, Rishkar’s Expertise, Garruk, Primal Hunter, Return of the Wildspeaker (if going tall)

Mana (permanent)

White: Knight of the White Orchid, Smothering Tithe

Blue: Trinket Mage, Fabricate, Whir of Invention (for Sol Ring/Mana Crypt)

Black: Cabal Coffers, Crypt Ghast

Red: Neheb, the Eternal

Green: Too many to count

Tutors

White: Enlightened Tutor, Idyllic Tutor, Recruiter of the Guard

Blue: Mystical Tutor, Merchant Scroll, Personal Tutor

Black: Too many to count

Red: Gamble, Imperial Recruiter

Green: Too many (creature-based tutors) to count

Answers to Opponents’ Threats

Spot Removal

Instants and sorceries (counterspells)

White: None

Blue: Too many to count

Black: None

Red: None

Green: None 

Creature

White: Swords to Plowshares, Path to Exile, Generous Gift

Blue: Pongify, Rapid Hybridization, Reality Shift

Black: Too many to count

Red: Chaos Warp, Redcap Melee

Green: Beast Within

Artifact

White: Disenchant, Generous Gift, Aura of Silence, Seal of Cleansing

Blue: None

Black: None

Red: Abrade, Chaos Warp, Goblin Cratermaker

Green: Too many to count

Enchantment

White: Disenchant, Generous Gift, Aura of Silence, Seal of Cleansing

Blue: None

Black: None

Red: Chaos Warp

Green: Too many to count

Mass Removal

Creature

White: Too many to count

Blue: Cyclonic Rift, Evacuation

Black: Damnation, Toxic Deluge, Crux of Fate, Hellfire, Nightmare Unmaking, Extinguish All Hope, Life’s Finale, Black Sun’s Zenith

Red: Blasphemous Act, Rolling Earthquake, Chain Reaction, Earthquake, Subterranean Tremors, Fault Line, Starstorm

Green: Apex Altisaur, Ezuri’s Predation

Artifact

White: Austere Command, Cleansing Nova, Purify, Consulate Crackdown, Hour of Revelation (kinda), Planar Cleansing (kinda), Akroma’s Vengeance (kinda)

Blue:  Cyclonic Rift

Black: None

Red: Shattering Spree, By Force, Meltdown, Fiery Confluence, Subterranean Tremors, Shatterstorm, Vandalblast

Green: Bane of Progress, Wave of Vitriol, Creeping Corrosion, Seeds of Innocence

Land

White: Armageddon, Ravages of War, Cataclysm, Hokori, Catastrophe

Blue: Sunder, Rising Waters, Back to Basics

Black: Infernal Darkness, Death Cloud, Contamination

Red: Ruination, Blood Moon, Magus of the Moon, Bust, Thoughts of Ruin, Epicenter, Keldon Firebombers (kinda)

Green: None

Win Conditions/Cards that Kill People

White: None

Blue: Expropriate

Black: Exsanguinate

Red: Insurrection

Green: Craterhoof Behemoth

Here’s what that count looks like without the tutor wild card effect. Some things to note:

I’ve capped each category at 10 unique effects because of diminishing returns; 20 board wipes are not twice as good as 10 and for most effects there is a maximum beyond which drawing more is not particularly useful. 

I’m including counterspells as spot removal for creatures, artifacts, and enchantments, although obviously there’s a temporal component to their ability to answer threats.

Green card draw is variable depending on whether your deck is going wide, going tall, both, or neither.

What does this tell us about the power level of the various colors?

If you discount the effect of tutors, Blue seems to be in the lead, since its large suite of counterspells give it efficient answers to every spell type. Green comes in second, Black third, and White and Red are 4th and 5th, respectively.

If you include each color’s tutors as wildcards for effects for which they have at least one good card, the numbers look like this (highlight on big swings):

Once you count tutors as additional copies of the effects they can search out, the landscape shifts. Green and Black get a huge boost from their tutors, to the point where the gap between them and Blue almost completely closes. In fact, Green may surpass Blue in a deck that can run all of Green’s somewhat-conditional card draw effects. Meanwhile, White and Red, the colors least able to tutor, barely shift at all from their standing when tutors are factored out.

Discussion

What does this tell us about how the disparities between the colors could be evened out?

It tells us that tutors are the real problem. To get white on a comparable level to green, Wizards would need to print 10 win conditions, 4 spot removal spells that hit artifacts or enchantments, and 5 mass removal spells that hit artifacts or enchantments; that’s 19 cards that all have to be efficient enough to see play in Commander. Alternatively, Wizards could print a bunch of enchantment tutors and then the few high-powered enchantments in those categories can provide all that the color needs, in the same way that Green’s creature tutors cover for relatively few mass artifact/enchantment removal effects and win conditions.

However, I want to note that Wizards is pretty down on printing new tutors at the moment. We talked to Gavin Verhey at MagicFest Vegas and he said that Wizards doesn’t think that tutors make games of Commander more fun, so it looks like Green and Black’s duopoly on tutors is unlikely to be challenged anytime soon.

How much does the raw power of individual, high-profile commanders skew this argument?

In both measures of color power level (with tutor wild card effect and without), Red was dead last. However, in recent years, the community’s narrative has been that Red has surpassed White in power level. I’d argue that these facts are not inconsistent, because the power rankings above do not take into account the power level of commanders. If you look at the monored commanders on EDHREC, 8 of the top 10 were printed in the last 7 years. In contrast, that’s true of only 6 of the top 10 monowhite commanders. I think this is an indicator that Wizards has printed better (or at the very least, more interesting) monored commanders than monowhite commanders in the last 7 years.

Another interesting point that supports the idea that monored has gotten more good commanders than white lately is that people don’t like running red cards, yet monored commanders are more popular than monowhite commanders. If you tally up the numbers of copies of the top 100 white cards being run in Commander, you get 859,692 cards-- over 250,000 more than Red’s top 100, which total to 610,187 cards. However, if you total the number of decks for all monowhite commanders, you get 7,850, thousands less than the monored commanders, which total to 11,716.

So the actual numbers of cards being run in the maindeck favors the idea that white is better than red, but people’s perceptions are skewed by some real sick legends in monored.

Counts of Monocolor Decks

White: 7,850

Blue: 11,061

Black: 11,241

Red: 11,716

Green: 11,235

Counts of Top 100 Cards

White: 859,692 cards

Blue: 1,175,579 cards

Black: 991,569 cards

Red: 610,187 cards

Green: 1,327,266 cards

Does this argument implicitly over-emphasize control with a combo finish?

I think the constraints of the format makes it so that control decks with a combo finish are more likely to win, and this argument just builds off of that premise. If the starting life total was lowered, the definition of what constitutes a good card would change and maybe more aggressive cards would become more generally useful. 

How does the cost of cards impact color balance? 

The fewer redundant effects there are, the more high prices handicap colors. There are a lot of replacements for cards like Imperial Seal and Grim Tutor, so Black doesn’t feel the pain of their outrageous price too much. In contrast, there is only one Craterhoof and only one Expropriate and the number of copies printed of those mythic rare cards has not kept pace with demand. This is a significant handicap on Green, since it can’t effectively make use of its tutor suite if you can’t afford the one copy of Hoof to tutor for.

Assuming the assumptions we’ve made about color balance are correct, how can White and Red shore up their apparent weakness, especially if Wizards is not keen on printing more tutors?

Well, Wizards can put a band-aid over White’s weaknesses by printing good commanders, in the same way that they’ve hidden Red’s fundamental flaws by giving it some busted commanders.

Printing redundant copies of effects White can already do will definitely help the color out; Generous Gift is a good start on this path.

However, these ideas won’t fundamentally solve the color’s problems. Not being able to increase its cards, increase its mana, increase the quality of its resources, or end the game are massive drawbacks, and without addressing at least some of these problems, White is always going to be fighting a losing battle.

When we did our episode on 8-mana game enders, we suggested that maybe White could get effects that draw the game, a la Divine Intervention, as a way to end the game that felt flavorful for White. The problem with that sort of effect is that it might feel a bit anticlimactic; at least with Craterhoof and Insurrection, there’s a visceral, Timmy-pleasing moment of attacking for a billion, and even Exsanguinate lets you cackle to yourself while you calculate exactly how much life you just gained. An 8-mana sorcery that says the game is a draw is not exactly an epic conclusion to an hour-long game.

A more appealing alternative might be to give White more overrun effects. As the color that gets the most creatures, it’s a little strange that White’s mass pump appears to cap out at +2/+2, while Green’s skyrockets off the graph.

From Maro’s Mechanical color pie article: 

+N/+N to your team 

Primary: white

Secondary: green 

White is the color most likely to pump its team, most often with +1/+1, but it will occasionally go up to +2/+2. Green's team pump starts at +3/+3 and often also adds trample. 

This seems like a pretty arbitrary rule and making this change would be pretty easy. Getting access to Craterhoof levels of mass pump will give White a way to turn all its value weenies, hate bears, and 1/1 tokens into a lethal fighting force.

As for Red, I would like to see more rituals (Dockside Extortionist was a great start!) to better enable its combo potential and help it sneak in wins before it runs out of resources. I think Red can get away with not having great answers or great ways to win a war of attrition if Wizards helps it become more explosive.

Wrapping Up

I know there’s a lot that’s debatable about what cards qualify as “good enough” to count towards a critical mass of effects but I’d love your input to strengthen the ideas here. Thanks for reading!

[carrollstreetstation]

cryptic passage: a level-by-level breakdown

CRYPTIC PASSAGE

the first official expansion pack, made by the legendary sunstorm interactive, and colloquially referred to as “episode 5.” as this was developed by a different studio from monolith, it has a distinctive style all its own, albeit one that's recognizable if you've played such classics as the duke nukem 3D expansion "duke it out in D.C." it's an eclectic mix of creepy european villages, dismal swamps and ancient ruins, offering a range of themes for you to shotgun cultists in. while a number of people had their hand in level design, the majority of it is by project director robert travis, who also had a big hand in designing the maps for the duke expansions. his style is immediately recognizable.

CP01: boat docks (michael beaulieu) the expansion starts off right with caleb fresh off the boat onto a dock. most of the level is a series of watery caverns, populated by ordinary trash mobs to start you off light. eventually you find a back way into a creepy fisherman's cabin, and from there, an old lighthouse. mostly linear, but you can sometimes open shortcuts to earlier parts of the level. fun encounter by the lighthouse.

CP02: old opera house ("WBB", who i'm going to guess is bill buchalter) given that duke nukem 3D's most famous level is an adult theater, it probably was inevitable that blood would have an opera house as a counterpart. after a short little path you come upon the town gates; beyond is a surprisingly well lit street, shops open for business. the opera house itself has seen better days, but it's currently being squatted by zombies and cultists. poking around in the auditorium uncovers a key to the back entrance down a long alley; from there you get to clear out the backstage areas, ultimately winding up in the cistern below with a surprise gillbeast in tight quarters. a little exploring and you'll find the lair of a certain phantom. one of my favorite levels in the expansion.

CP03: gothic library (robert travis & shawn swift) between this and "old opera house" you're not suffering for creepy urban locales, which outside of episode 3 were a bit rare. following directly on from the previous level, this is a small, yet fairly open layout that has you poking around in various wings of a 1920s-style library. lots of ambushes here behind every door, save one, behind which is a dark, foreboding mini-maze of bookshelves that has zombies lunge at you from the shadows when you grab the key within. great looking map that annoyingly has a couple of "find the button" puzzles blocking progress.

CP04: lost monastary (robert travis) true to blood tradition, we're running through a crumbling religious site, though this one is less "creepy ancient temple to a forgotten god" and more "defiled church." though it starts off linear, it soon begins to get sectioned off behind locked doors. a few good ambushes here, such as when you drop down a chimney to get ambushed by bloated butchers. lots of broad outdoor views too, especially in the back half of the map when you're forced on an extended river ride to get the eye key and back. fun hexen reference in the belltower.

CP05: steamboat (michael beaulieu) an unusual map for blood, seemingly more suited for redneck rampage, and yet it works. (amusingly, redneck rampage rides again has a riverboat level as well.) geographically it's quite small, but beaulieu has made great use of overlapping sectors to create a realistic-feeling vessel, with three decks on this tub to explore. lots of ambushes here, a few fun moments like a zombie climbing out of a toilet to come after you, a caged velociraptor(?) in the basement. just when you think you've won and you've opened the way to the exit, the boat repopulates, requiring you to clear it out again on your way out.

CP06: graveyard (tyler larsen) what's more of a blood staple than a spooky graveyard? this one's far larger than the iconic "cradle to grave" though. tyler larsen has crafted a sprawling collection of graves and monuments separated by hedges and walls and populated mostly by trash mobs. once you get the skull key and head into the mausoleum, the theme changes to a maze of tombs and catacombs with the occasional watery cave to keep things interesting. bloated butchers are out in force here, with a few hellhounds to keep you on your toes. cultists lurk around every corner, and the finale has you facing off against a mess of them, plus gargoyles, plus a hellhound, in tight quarters. at the very end you have a choice of going up some stairs to exit the tomb, or jump into a burning crematory chute to find the secret exit.

CPSL: boggy creek (robert travis) secret levels should be distinctive and memorable. while i don't know if this small, swampy map is distinctive compared to, say, "house of horrors" or "mall of the dead," it's certainly memorable, chiefly for the ruined house with its locked basement full of spiders, and the multi-gillbeast assault after you come back upstairs. similar to "crystal lake" in blood's 4th episode, wall textures looking like trees stand in for actual trees to define the boundaries of the map. charon ferries you around the swamp, but you'll need to find a key to your own boat to get to the ending, which leads you to the same spot the regular ending of CP06 would have taken you.

CP07: mountain pass (robert travis) reminiscent of some of the levels in blood's second episode, though with somewhat less snow. the cabal have set up some kind of bunker or another in and around some ruins set into the side of the mountains, and your task is to find and lower a series of obelisks (similar to what unlocked the boss levels in the main game) to gain access to keys. mostly fun except for an annoying bit where you have to wait for a stone platform that ferries you across a chasm.

CP08: abysmal mine (shawn swift) more cues from episode two, this is a relatively short little jaunt that starts you off underwater and makes you climb ashore right into an ambush. you'll be heading back and forth as each key seems to go somewhere else on the map. fun little scare when you break through a wall right into a phantasm-haunted tomb. the finale is a bit abrupt.

CP09: castle (jeff cleveland) your final destination is this gloomy castle in jeff cleveland's sole contribution to the mapset. compared to the relative ease of the rest of this mapset, cleveland really turns up the heat, throwing hordes of enemies at you, plus multiple boss enemies including a nest of stone gargoyles. starting off relatively linear, it branches out once you reach the castle proper; a trip to the dungeons prefaces a slaughter in the living quarters. after you clear out the big badasses and step into a portal you'll face off against TWO cerberuses (cerberi?) who serve as the final boss in a strange, otherworldly, vaguely egyptian-themed temple. after that, you're done!

final thoughts: quite the varied little adventure, though mostly thematically appropriate for a jaunt through the carpathians. difficulty generally starts off fairly light and doesn't ramp up much as you progress, but the final level will have you frantic. the design aesthetic is overall tighter and somewhat more realistic than the base game. it's clear that sunstorm has learned a lot from their duke nukem expansions, which were also great. though it's worth pointing out that many of the levels are surprisingly quite short. overall, though, while this won't bring anything new to the base formula, it's an entertaining romp with some original ideas.

[housebeleren]

Random Commander Challenge: Medomai the Ageless

I’m a little behind on these, but catching up fast. For the month of November, my random Commander deck challenge landed on a Legend I had thought about making before, but decided against in favor of some other, newer goodies. The first Commander to pop up was Medomai the Ageless, from Theros. Somehow, after 4 months of Legendary Creatures that had all been printed within the last couple of years, I got one (slightly) older. 

White-Blue is completely in my wheelhouse, so the real challenge here was going to be how to make this one feel distinct and have its own voice and feel.

Art: David Palumbo

Theme

Medomai is part of a grand tradition of White-Blue sphinxes in Magic. Hell, the very shorthand by which we name color combination is Azorius, named after a Legendary White-Blue sphinx. And while many of these sphinxes share elements in common, I took it as my challenge here to figure out what makes Medomai unique. So essentially, how do I not just make an Azorius deck, in the actual sense of the guild name? In other words, how do I make this deck so it doesn’t feel like it could just as easily have been led by Azor or Isperia.

My second challenge was how do I make this not just “extra turn tribal”? 

(As an aside, I am actually a big fan of extra turns in EDH, provided you execute on them quickly and without tons of useless deliberation. Nobody wants to watch you play masturbatory Magic. If you’re going to take extra turns, either have a win prepared or plan what you intend to accomplish in those turns.)

But yes, I’ve seen Medomai decks before where people just throw every card they own that says “extra turn” on it into a pile, and literally nobody wants to play with or against that. So I decided to not include any other cards that can generate extra turns, and instead capture the feel of time travel through other means, which I’ll get to below. That said, I can’t ignore the power of his ability, so the deck has ways to generate value off of extra turns, and ways to get more utility out of him.

The real thing that makes Medomai different from so many other Legendary Sphinxes is that his ability triggers off of combat damage. So this deck needs to be at least medium aggressive and have ways to push damage through. So that’s the jumping off point I used. The deck is designed to with with creatures who have combat damage triggers, with some wins centered around his turns.

This being Theros, I also decided to include some of the gods. Thassa is great in the deck and can help get attackers through, while Ephara is steady card advantage in a creature deck, and also suggested a minor flicker sub-theme.

Card Groups

Combat Triggers - The first thing I looked for were more cards that had good combat triggers, either on attack or hit. Both Frost Titan and Sun Titan seemed good. Augury Adept and Daxos of Meletis are both great early drops that stay relevant late if you can get them through. I also really liked Dragonlord Ojutai and Broodbirth Viper, though they’re on the costlier side of the spectrum. The final touch was Bident of Thassa, which is super flavorful and a massive source of card draw.

Combat Helpers - Next, you need some ways to get things through as the board clutters up. I already mentioned Thassa, who’s an all-star here, and Rogue’s Passage does a passable imitation if she gets removed. Blustersquall and Thoughtweft Gambit are good for one-time swings, and the deck also really loves Venser, the Soujourner, as he plays nicely with both the flicker and combat damage themes. Lastly, I added Archetype of Imagination, which is great for the endgame.

Medomai Enablers - Medomai is a 6 drop that needs to attack to work, so protection and Haste are essential. Boots and Greaves are musts, and I also included Gift of Immortality as a flavorful bit of protection. There are also some good ways to get bonus triggers out of him, even though he can’t attack on extra turns. Silverblade Paladin will get him 2 hits when soulbound, and Strionic Resonator is a Medomai staple for a reason. Both go in, and you can include some similar pieces like Duelist’s Heritage if you’d like more.

Flicker - This is more of a sub-theme, but it stemmed from wanting to include Ephara in the deck. Sun and Frost Titans already work here, as does Venser. Deadeye Navigator is obviously great. This is also a great place to include some recursion, a la Karmic Guide & Reveillark, plus some much needed ramp for white with Solemn Simulacrum & Boreas Charger.

Control - White/Blue needs some control, so the trick here is to not include cards like Render Silent or Absorb, which feel Azorius. Instead, Swan Song, Dissolve, Cryptic Command, and Rewind feel much more in line with how Medomai works. Curse of the Swine is one of my favorite control spells that is nicely Theros flavored. I did include Supreme Verdict, as it’s hard to escape how good that one is, and a couple more general boardwipes and spot removal of your choice do the trick.

Card Draw - Some good sphinx-like card draw such as Ponder, Preordain, and Brainstorm always fit right in. I know Sphinx’s Revelation is technically Azorius flavored, but I think it works well here too. And in the vein of “time travel”, I included some Blue wheels, such as Time Reversal, Day’s Undoing, and Echo of Eons, which are also good disruption against tutors and graveyard decks. 

That’s a lot already, but also don’t forget you need lots of ramp for a deck like this. I would recommend 8-10 mana rocks or sources that can find you lands, like Boreas Charger & Solemn Simulacrum.

Win Conditions & Lines of Play

Identity Thief - The big frustration with Medomai is his restriction that he can’t attack on extra turns. Well, this nifty little shapeshifter gets around that by being able to declare as an attacker first before transforming. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “But Medomai comes back into play while Identity Thief is still a copy, so you have to sacrifice it at end of turn!” TRUE. Identity Thief is not a one-card combo with Medomai (and to the best of my knowledge, there aren’t any.) However, there are ways around this. Mirror Gallery is an option, but it’s a completely dead card if you don’t have both pieces, so I opted out. But you can also use some recursion like Karmic/Deadeye to easily bring back the Identity Thief for extra attacks. It’s janky, but the pieces are all good individually. So Identity Thief is effectively a Time Warp that’s easier to reuse. Sometimes it’ll just be the one extra turn, but occasionally it’ll outright win you the game.

Approach of the Second Sun - This may seem like a strange inclusion, but I thought it was appropriate, given that Medomai plus just a little draw power can easily get it cast twice. It’s an unexpected way to pull off a win that a lot of decks can’t deal with.

Flicker - Deadeye Navigator allows for some ridiculous value, particularly when paired with cards like Archaomancer & Mnemonic Wall, both of which I included. Once the late-game hits, this lets you buy back counters and removal and basically shut down the game. It’s kinda dickish, but it works.

Beat Face - You have some heavy hitters in this deck. Even just using Medomai as a White/Blue Aurelia to get extra combats is totally a viable option. You can keep your board protected with your counterspells, and get 2-3 attacks each time around the table. Most of the time, this is how you’ll win the game. It’s unfancy, but totally reasonable.

Conclusion

So I admit, I did struggle with this deck a little bit. I think the concept was right, but I got a little unfocused. I unwisely included both Teferi, Time Raveler and Narset, Parter of Veils in the build, which ended up just feeling like dick moves. If I could do it over, I’d replace those with just pure card draw spells or utility creatures, since they felt more like the asshole control I was trying to avoid. And I had some one-off cards that just didn’t feel like they did enough. I also might have cut the Archaeomancer/Mnemonic Wall loops, for the same reason.

That said, the deck did work. I only got a chance to play 3 games with it, but of those I won 2 and we had a draw for the 3rd (though I honestly was not going to win that one). And truly, the way the deck won was just through attacks and extra combats. It played kinda like a White/Blue version of an Aurelia deck, and I really liked that about it. Not my favorite White/Blue commander I’ve ever built (That honor goes to Taigam), but still reasonably enjoyable and a nice way to approach the color pair from somewhat of a different angle.

The budget was actually pretty reasonable here as well. I did need to get another copy of Thassa for the deck, which isn’t cheap, but almost everything else I already had or was inexpensive. I think I went just a touch over my $25 target for cards I didn’t already have. It should be possible to build a version of this deck for under $100 and still include everything you need, if you’re going combat focused like I did, and not extra turn tribal.

For December, I got another Jund dragon, Darigaaz Reincarnated, so my next challenge is building that and having it feel different from Vaevictis Asmadi (Shouldn’t be too difficult... they’re radically distinct mechanically). Should be fun!

[beingallelite]

On Saturday, August 31, 2019, All Elite Wrestling presented the historic ALL OUT pay-per-view event from the sold out Sears Centre Arena in Chicago, Illinois. The play-by-play broadcast team for the main card was Jim Ross, Excalibur, and Goldenboy.

The preshow BUY IN opened with a Casino Battle Royale, with the winner competing for the AEW Women’s title on October 2 in Washington, DC, at the Capital One Arena (being televised on on TNT). There were 21 competitors vying for a shot at that title, including: Leva Bates, Faby Apache, Nyla Rose, Shelondra, Priscilla Kelly, Penelope Ford, Shazza McKenzie, Sadie Gibbs, Dr. Britt Baker, Big Swole, Brandi Rhodes, Awesome Kong, Bea Priestly, Tenille Dashwood, Ivelisse, Allie, Nicole Savoy, Teal Piper, Jazz, ODB, and Mercedes Martinez. The final two wrestlers in the match were Nyla Rose and Dr. Britt Baker. With some interference from Bea Priestly, Rose eliminated Baker.

Your winner: Nyla Rose

Showing off the depth of the tag team division, Private Party (Marq Quen and Isiah Kassidy) faced the party crashing team of Jack Evans and Angelico. There were plenty of innovative tag team maneuverers here, with Jack Evans in particular putting on a clinic. All parties must come to an end eventually, and after their dynamic finisher, Marq Quen and Isiah Kassidy showed their opponents why no one throws a party quite like them.

Your winners: Private Party

The opener for ALL OUT saw SCU (Christopher Daniels, Scorpio Sky, and Frankie Kazarian) step back into time to face the Jurassic Express (Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus) and Marko Stunt. SoCal Uncensored have decades and decades of tag team knowledge under their belts, and despite showing lots of youthful fire, Jungle Boy got lost in the proverbial weeds once SCU hit the Best Meltzer Ever on him.

Your winners: SoCal Uncensored

Originally scheduled as Kenny Omega vs. Jon Moxley, “the Bastard” Pac would step up to Omega on short notice to replace Moxley (who was out of action with MRSA). This was a dream match for pro wrestling fans, with two of the greatest of their era, Omega and Pac stepping into the ring to face off for the first time ever. This is a match that can only be made in AEW, and it was loaded with intriguing and breathtaking physicality. Omega and Pac are perfect opponents for one another, with each being very well versed in each other’s playbooks. Tonight, Pac pulled out the victory, seemingly out of nowhere when Omega passed out after Pac locked on the Brutalizer submission.

Your winner: Pac

The Cracker Barrel Clash served up the buffet of brutality that fans might expect from a three-way match involving Joey Janela, Darby Allin and Jimmy Havoc. This match was violent and a blast to watch (but certainly quite painful for the participants, with their devil-may-care attitudes). Plunder in this match included a skateboard loaded with thumbtacks, actual barrels from Cracker Barrel, a tray of delicious Cracker Barrel biscuits, and a staple gun. These athletes were relentless, with a total disregard for their own wellbeing to earn the victory. Havoc eventually nailed a Rainmaker on Janela through a barrel, and the meal of mayhem was over.

Your winner: Jimmy Havoc

In a match with the winner receiving a first round bye in AEW Tag Team Title tournament (coming up on TNT this fall), the Dark Order (Evil Uno and Stu Grayson) battled the Best Friends (Chuck Taylor, and Sue’s favorite son, Trent). The Dark Order had their small army of minions with them, and eventually, being outnumbered would take its toll on the Best Friends. The Dark Order hit the Fatality finisher on Chuck Taylor to end the match and earn the first round bye. To help even up the odds, Orange Cassidy, the “freshly squeezed” friend of Chuckie T. and Trent, made a surprise run-in, hitting a tope suicida on the Dark Order.

Your winners: The Dark Order

Joshi enthusiasts were treated next to Riho wrestling Hikaru Shida, with the winner of this match scheduled to face Nyla Rose for the AEW Women’s Championship during AEW’s TV debut on TNT on October 2nd. Riho and Shida traded moves and counters. It was an evenly matched contest with plenty of back and forth offense,  and they had the fans in the palms of their hands. Ultimately, Riho would score the pin on Shida after applying head scissors.

Your winner: Riho

Perhaps the most personal bout on the ALL OUT card was next, with Cody (joined by MJF in his corner), taking on former friend Shawn Spears (with Tully Blanchard serving as his advisor). The Nightmare Family (Brandi Rhodes, Diamond Dallas Page, MJF, and Pharaoh the dog) accompanied Cody down the ramp, making a spectacular entrance. Cody’s gear was fashioned after the mirror universe Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and it was apropos, because Cody showed he was the captain of this ship by the end of this turbulent voyage. With Blanchard’s aid, Spears whipped Cody with a belt. MJF got involved and tried to neutralize the legendary Tully Blanchard, but Spears got to the preoccupied MJF, leaving Cody to fend for himself. A familiar face joined the fracas, with Arn Anderson making a surprise run-in to deliver his trademarked spinebuster. With the shift in momentum, Cody hit the CrossRhodes on Spears for the victory.

Your winner: Cody

The Escalera de la Muerte ladder match for the AAA Tag Team Championship was on deck next, with Fenix and Pentagon, the Lucha Bros., facing Matt and Nick Jackson, the Young Bucks, to put an exclamation point at the end of this feud. These two brilliant tag teams have been battling all year in a storied rivalry. This match was every bit as breathtaking as you might expect from two of the all time best teams in the sport of pro wrestling. It truly defied the laws of physics, and no amount of words will be able to do justice to the daredevil antics put on display. As noted by Excalibur, this was the sixth match between these teams in 2019. If you want to see how far the art of tag team wrestling has evolved, this match is cutting edge and one that will be remembered by fans of the sport for many years to come. Really, this match could have gone either way, as the balance of who had the edge between the Bucks and the Lucha Bros. often shifted in less than a nanosecond. After executing their Zero Fear finisher, Fenix and Pentagon would pull off the victory. Post match, two masked men made their presence felt, revealing themselves as Ortiz and Santana.

Your winners: The Lucha Bros.

The main event of the night was a match between Chris Jericho and Hangman Adam Page, and the victor would be crowned the first AEW World Champion. Page made an entrance riding a horse, which was a sight to behold. Page’s family was in attendance, but Chris Jericho didn’t see anything personal about this; to him it was strictly business, and he believes the success of AEW as a business is a direct result of his involvement with the company. Jericho wanted the belt so he could get the thank you from AEW brass and EVPs that he feels he deserves. Page showed a ton of heart and fire, but Jericho seemed unstoppable on his quest. The crowd, at times, was split, a sure sign of respect for both combatants, and it added to the big fight atmosphere and energy of this historic bout. There’s no arguing with Jericho’s Judas Effect back elbow, which rocked Page out of nowhere.

Your winner and the first AEW World Champion: Chris Jericho.

Visit AEWonBRLIVE.com to order the replay!

[stagekiller]

✧･ﾟ:✧!Headcanon time!✧:･ﾟ✧

                                           Physical prowess & Killing/Fighting style

 An elephant can produce about 300 pounds ( roughly around 137 kg ) worth of dung on an average day. Now multiply that by three, because a one-elephant-act isn’t quite eye-catching enough. And think about lifting that, every day, for 8 years in the least ( roughly about 2,920 days )

 Depicted above: Jerome Valeska wondering if there’s any man in Gotham other than himself that can pull off looking THAT delicious in his overalls.

That’s right, baby, this back took years upon years of scoop-the-poop to build.

  In his early years, Jerome would often tend to his body both directly ( simple physical exercises & an active lifestyle ) and indirectly ( heavy chores around the circus camp that required lifting weights a lot of the time ) The need to maintain his appearance was sourced mostly in narcissism as good looks are leverage for his social status and advantageous. Had his diet been on the healthy side, he would have developed toned muscles. However, he possesses sufficient strength, agility & flexibility, even post death, as well as a good sense of balance. Apart from the face situation & his ravaged vocal chords, his health was unaffected by his reanimation. Now let’s talk about the good parts, murder;

  I’ll point you to this ( x ) video compilation that includes Jerome’s first 17 kills on screen ( that does not include the amount of people who died because of him during the blackout, only the ones he murdered himself ) . There were at least another 3 during season 4, and that is not including the grand plan (tm). In comparison, Oswald, who has one of the largest kill counts on the show had about 25 on screen kills around the same time and that is with about twice the screen time as Jerome got to have.The real reason why they cut down Jerome’s screen time in favor of Jimbo’s romances was this pass it on.

   Unless part of a show, most of Jerome’s kills are done in a quick & messy fashion, usually by means of a ranged weapon, such as a gun. If need be he can get very creative with his weapons. Those are the lucky few he cares not to maul with his own hands, the expendable masses. This obnoxious Clyde for example;

  In the jester’s eyes this is no more than a fly that ought to be swat away. People are expendable pawns. He would shoot one to make a point, because they were in his way, because he doesn’t like something they said or did, because it made for a good punchline. Everyone in his proximity who hasn’t earned the right to be a face card ( K,Q,J ) on his hand is just another number in the deck. However it should be noted that Jerome won’t usually shoot someone for the sake of shooting them. He doesn’t kill for the sake of killing. His work is grotesque ART. His work has ambition & purpose; even if this purpose is pointlessness. He kills with drive, it’s just that his motivation is often not legible to anyone but himself. Oh, and before I forget, he is cold-blooded and deadly accurate with a gun.

  A knife is more personal, thus his trusty switchblade is utilized against those he is involved with, in one way or another. His fighting style is clumsy, jumpy & unpredictable. I like to think fighting versus Jerome feels a lot like fighting a clever & hyper child in that he seems not to care about his personal safety or getting scratched during the brawl. Perhaps his techniques aren’t refined, but this recklessness renders him HIGHLY lethal and dangerous on up close combat, because this child I’m referring to is actually 6ft tall and athletic. Unless a muse is trained on melee combat, Jerome can most likely handle them by means of sheer ruthlessness alone. 

 Notice the way he grabs Bruce’s shoulder to increase the force of his swing.

  He tends to get very grabby and will not hesitate to go for sensitive/private body parts or obvious weak spots. The eyes & the neck are a usual spot he’ll target. His swings are usually powered by his back rather than his arms, which means he utilizes his entire upper body strength with each blow. That is a LOT. That can bust your teeth out. It’s no joke - badum CHSSS- Legs will often be utilized as well. He is quick witted and creative and that translates to his physical responses as well ( for example, the way he instantly kicks Bruce in the face when he gets tackled, taking advantage of the new positioning instantaneously )

I feel like I should make my point utilizing some of my favorite clownboy ( low quality gif ) kills such as;

  You ever fired a gun ? A shotgun ? This shit KICKS. It can really hurt your shoulder. And this man? He barely flinched.

  Microphone stand head mashing. Can you imagine how much strength it takes to mash a guy’s head in using a microphone stand?

  There’s this fanon going around that Jerome can’t land a punch, but I’d like to place a friendly reminder that he couldn’t beat BRUCE WAYNE, who had spent months in training under Alfred’s wing, whilst Jerome had just come back to life and was wearing face staples ( if you have stapled your finger by accident, you may have a general idea of what that feels like. except that it is probably a thousand times worse ) Also Jerome was obviously humoring him during the fight, because last he’d seen Bruce, the boy was just a baby, and he was over-confident in his ability to take him down. It is obvious in the way he swings at him in a theatrical fashion. He lost not because he isn’t good at one on one combat, but because he UNDERESTIMATED his opponent. Add to that, the fact that the outcome of this fight was pre-determined because it’s a show and Bruce is the anti-hero. It is canonical for Batman to be able to take down the Joker, but this doesn’t mean your muse will be. He is NOT easy to handle.

[teamcalamity]

Okay, newbie. Let's move!

A new competitive season has started, Opus VIII is about to launch and Team Calamity has a blog... BOOYA!!

If you want to see more variety than a dialogue with Squall, topics that hit harder than Sephiroth into the back of a flower girl and tips more useful than Vaan's point in the story, then this is the blog for you.

In this first article we thought it might be best to introduce you to some of the team who will be regular staples on here. Hopefully this brief insight will help put some of their upcoming content into perspective.

First up is our resident judge - Mitch.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

It was a dark time in my life; I had just finished one of my favourite TV series for the 15th time and worst of all I had a piece of apple skin stuck between my teeth. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I received a call from the UK Champion (but not world) Peter Sherratt, he spoke to me like a true champion with grace and honour “you alright dickhead?” he told me that he had just gone to a new comic book shop, the infamous Calamity Comics. Peter knew I always had a creepy girlfriend affection for Final Fantasy and our recent card game was now just an OTK shit show. So we thought let’s give it a go.

Pulled Bahamut legend, fire seems strong; I bet this card will be good for a long time, 10000 damage AND removed. Peter got Foil Light Cloud. This card is also future proof, if there’s one thing I know about card games, is that removal is key and this has it in spades…

From that day I was hooked, scratching at my arms for the next fix of spoilers, tapping the vein, breathing FFTCG and dealing with my new addiction.

What style of play do you favour?

I like to win, but more importantly I like to be a smug prick and to do this, I love my combat tricks. Nothing lifts the table up on my side more than doing something your opponent cannot see coming. I also love removal and drawing cards so if someone could explain to me how to play earth that would be great. Thank you.

Biggest hype of Opus 8?

While all the cards aren’t out yet, I am especially excited for Lunafreya, the stuff that she can enable; it means your opponent will not want to kill off some of your best forwards. That said this will all change depending on the new Garnet, if there is one.

Peter - the 2018 UK Champion (not world)

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I played yu gi oh at the time and I saw FF being sold at Calamity Comics in Hatfield.

Eric the store owner said they were doing a tournament on Friday night's (an attempt to remove the magic the gathering crowd) .

I had played FF7 and I've never liked mtg so sounded like a win win for me. All that was left was to convince mitchell to go with me to hold my hand through it all.

Didn't take long to convince him and off we went to go purchase some cardboard crack. First pack I opened....foil Cloud L!! Wooo

First deck I played was fire ice. We didn't have a clue what we were doing but got it after a couple of goes.

Mitch went home that night to learn the rulings. It became an obsession of his for a while. He would wake up in the middle of the night about illegal plays the night before.

What was even better was we convinced our mates Joseph and Azlan to join also. Fucking great game. Needs more cleavage though.

What style of play do you favour?

I really like all 3 of the main tropes. They all have a special place in my heart because of the decks ive played with.

Mono wind has generally been a control deck. Midrange ice is tempo. Discard ice is quite aggressive.

I'm gunna vote for tempo. After a short amount of set up I do love using dull freeze or discard mechanics for those cheap easy wins. It's like eating 20 mcnuggets. You know it's bad but it feels so good.

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Sherlotta, Fina, Alexander, Lasswell & Time Mage.

The one I will talk about is Time Mage though because I honestly think it's perfect for what ice needs right now.

Wind earth is an awful matchup where we can't choose Zidane, get fucked by big daddy etc etc. So we're investing 5cp for a huge tempo swing. Huge. I'm a big big fan. It's a multicard too so extra copies may be played.

Mono ice will return with a vengeance!!!

Rich - Team Calamity's synergy specialist.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I have zero history of playing card games, so my interest in FFTCG was purely as someone who had played nearly every game released under the title, who just fancied trying it out. I bought the starter decks on release date to gauge if it was something that I was going to stick with, and pretty soon I was part of the Opus I stock disaster, hunting the shelves of every Toys'r'Us in driving distance trying to find packs (I'm not proud to admit that). Two and a half years, and many £'s later, here I am writing my first blog post after years of being a lurker on the fan page.

What style of play do you favour?

I have always run decks that I find genuinely fun to build, play and tweak. Sometimes that means I run stuff closer to the meta, and sometimes I run more obscure decks. The vast majority of decks that I run revolve around combo cards such as Yuri/Chelinka/Alhanalem or Seifer/Raijin/Fujin. Nothing turns me on more than the text "If you control card name "X"".

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Just give me 3 Lasswell in foil. I love that the card has been made with a specific purpose in mind (Fire/Ice deck), and all 3 abilities feed into what those elements want to achieve. I'm not quite sure how best to make Lasswell work, but I'm sure someone much smarter than I am will find a way to make him a beast!

Tom - Blog editor, specialist subject the 'Tombo Combo'

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I got into the game by chance around Opus 4. I'd never played a TCG before but out browsing for a cheap PS4 game in the January sales I spotted Cloud and Squall booster packs in the bargain bin at a local game shop. A Final Fantasy card game, what even is that?! Went home, googled it, rushed back the next day, bought the lot and ordered all the starter sets. I still remember opening my first packs and getting so excited by how many shinys I was getting, like one in each pack, I must be so lucky! Next step a venture to Calamity as the only local place to play. I didn't win a game for about 2 months but was having the best time!

What style of play do you favour?

I like to do things differently so for me I'm all about the meme life and unashamedly so. I like to shy away from the meta (to my own detriment) as I get much more enjoyment from doing things myself and if someone tells me something is shit, it just makes me want to play it more. That said I still believe you can meme and be successful and hope to go someway to proving that this competitive season (here's to 0-X at every major tournament this year)

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Not seen the full list yet but I'm buzzing for the new FF7 starter deck. I'll probably look to take the Earth parts into an Earth/Fire setup maybe utilising the new 15 characters if space. For me a big part of enjoying the game is using characters I actually know of and love so this should fit nicely. I've also got some ideas for a Fire/Water rush style deck and a new Opus launch wouldn't be complete without me trying to make FF8 work (where are you Cid Kramer!).

I hope this is the set where things really open up and we don't see the same few decklists dominating the circuit.

Team Calamity's OP runs every Friday from 7pm at Calamity Comics in Hatfield (North of London). You can also follow us on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook (teamcalamityfftcg) or contact us on email (teamcalamityfftcg@gmail.com). Alternatively just write anything on the FFTCG Fans Facebook page, Team Calamity's James Stevenson will no doubt comment on it.

[porchwood]

THG Reread: Interesting Tidbits from Ch 1

Disclaimer: I’ve never taken part in any official THG reread/discussion and I essentially read the book in isolation, so anything I say in these posts may well have been discussed and dismissed years ago.

When I wake up, the other side of the bed is cold. My fingers stretch out, seeking Prim’s warmth but finding only the rough canvas cover of the mattress. She must have had bad dreams and crawled in with our mother.

I find it interesting that Prim leaves Katniss to find comfort with their mother, especially since Katniss seems to see herself as Prim’s sole protector and provider. Are Prim and Mrs. Everdeen closer than Katniss realizes (having such an abrasive relationship with her mother as she does) or is it simply that Mom will always be Mom and in a moment of terror most children prefer the embrace of their mother over a sibling?

Also: sleeping directly on a rough canvas-covered mattress? Are bed sheets are that great a luxury in the Seam? :(

I swing my legs off the bed and slide into my hunting boots. Supple leather that has molded to my feet. I pull on trousers…

So she gets out of bed and puts on her boots, then her trousers... So...girl’s a firefighter, right? :D

(Sorry for the crummy pics. Apparently the Tumblr presence of the Emergency! fandom is microscopic at best - I guess that happens with a ‘70s show :P - so these are screenshots I made from the S1 DVD, because yes, I’m that big of an Emergency! fangirl and you can never have too much Johnny Gage!)

It gives “girl on fire” a whole new meaning!! ;D

All merriment aside, we know that fire was a constant danger in the Seam, with its “old wooden homes embedded with coal dust,” so it’s entirely possible that residents slept with trousers and boots in readiness at the bedside, to be stepped into at a moment’s notice for a rapid escape if needed.

I…tuck my long dark braid up into a cap…

This has been discussed in previous rereads so it really isn’t news, but I’d love to see more Katniss-in-a-cap popping up in fics and fanart. THG opens in summertime and she’s still wearing the cap, so it was definitely a staple of her wardrobe! (And it brings us a little closer to the girl-disguised-as-a-boy trope, which is one of my all-time faves! :D)

(Behold this adorable @ghtlovesthg rendering!)

Our part of District 12, nicknamed the Seam, is usually crawling with coal miners heading out to the morning shift at this hour…

Somehow I had always (erroneously) assumed that there was just one twelve-hour shift that all the miners worked (ex. 6am-6pm). Since artificial light would be required inside the mines anyway, I suppose they could work around the clock with no regard to the sun and stars. Folks who live in/near coal mining communities: do they generally operate 24 hours a day or is there some arbitrary cut-off point in the evening? (I’m sorry I’m so ignorant about this!)

Most of the Peacekeepers turn a blind eye to the few of us who hunt…

Has anyone else figured out who these mysterious additional hunters are??

I watch as Gale pulls out his knife and slices the bread. He could be my brother. Straight black hair, olive skin, we even have the same gray eyes. But we’re not related, at least not closely.

First off: it truly befuddles me that Katniss’s hair color is stated on page 8 of THG (though, interestingly, never explicitly afterward) and yet it’s unusual - maybe even rare - to find fanart or even fics that depict her with black hair. Why is that? I was in love with her long black hair from moment one (truly black hair is unique, at least in my part of the world, and so striking to boot) so I probably belabor it a bit in my own writing, but it’s such an exquisite feature, why would you not?

Secondly: “He could be my brother.” That feels significant, and not merely in the “we look alike” sense. I’ve been working on a post about how Gale came into Katniss’s life in a very significant fashion after her beloved father’s death and she was drawn to him because of certain (I would venture to say striking) commonalities, but as I was wrapping it up last night (and sharing various details with my favorite sounding-board @ghtlovesthg), I realized there was a whole - vitally important - flipside to my theory that absolutely cannot be overlooked. So I might not get that finished till we’re on CF or even MJ. (No spoilers just in case someone pips me at the post - pun inadvertent ;) - but I think it’s pretty cool!)

And thirdly, because I can’t resist: I headcanon that Gale and Katniss are cousins through their great-great-grandfather (Galen Greenbrier, if anyone cares :D), who had two daughters (Aisling and Elspeth), who each had a daughter (Wren and Ashpet), who had Hazelle and Jack (Mr. Everdeen), who begat Gale and Katniss, respectively. Ergo: related but “not closely,” per canon. :)

With both of us hunting daily…

I’d always thought Gale and Katniss only hunted a few times a week, with Sundays being their largest haul/best trading day. (“Usually we devote all of Sunday to stocking up for the week.”) I know Twelve is an unusually permissive district at this point in time, but if two Seam kids were sneaking back and forth under the fence every single day and (forgive me) flaunting the fact by selling game in town (and when did they do this? before school, after, both?), surely, inevitably, the Peacekeepers would have been obliged to do something about it. Or were there some trips where Gale and Katniss only brought back enough for their own families, making their illegal activities not quite so blatant?

Cross-referencing with Catching Fire, I find Katniss saying, “Back when we were in school, we had time in the afternoons to check the lines and hunt and gather and still get back to town to trade” - exactly what time did they get out of school and how late were they doing these trades (not to mention, when did anyone get homework done)?? - but she also says it’s “an hour-and-a-half trek” just to check the snare line. I guess it isn’t impossible, but it seems a much more extensive (and time-consuming!) arrangement than I would have thought they could get by with, even in Twelve.

We easily trade six of the fish for good bread…

Like the rest of you, I’m trying to figure out who’s selling this “good bread” at the Hob. For some odd reason, at one point I thought maybe the bakery’s day-olds were sold there, à la:

They could potentially sell said day-olds at less of a discount than merchant clientele would demand but the reduced prices would be low enough for some Seam clientele to afford, and of course, even day-old bakery bread would be superior to homemade tessera bread (and therefore: “good bread”). 

I’m not sure where I got the “bakery outlet” idea (I think it was all the early canonverse fics where Katniss ran into Peeta in the Hob, so I figured he was running a day-olds stall or something) but having been away from it for awhile, I actually kind of like it! :)

You become eligible for the reaping the day you turn twelve.

I’m going to wax exceedingly about reaping ages in another post, but for the moment: I presume this rule means that anyone who turns twelve between reaping days becomes eligible for the subsequent reaping, correct? So if we arbitrarily set the reaping at, say, June 1, someone whose birthday is on June 2 wouldn’t be eligible till the following year. (Which would be especially terrible for your 18-yr-old reaping: being a day away from 19 and freedom, of a sort, but still having to go through one last reaping.) Now I think of it, it’s possible Career districts took advantage of this. Highly invested parents in a Career district could have planned their pregnancies with the intent of a late summer birth (i.e., a month or two after reaping day) so the resulting children would have the advantage of extra months up on other tributes in their same age group.   

On the flipside of this: Prim, whose birthday is in late May, would be an especially young tribute, since she’s only just turned twelve (think school kids with summer birthdays who don’t turn the “right age” for their grade till 1-3 months after school is out), and similarly Katniss, whose birthday is May 8, would be on the young side of the group of sixteens. 

“Pretty dress,” says Gale.

Madge shoots him a look, trying to see if it’s a genuine compliment or if he’s just being ironic. It is a pretty dress, but she would never be wearing it ordinarily. She presses her lips together and then smiles. “Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don’t I?”

Now it’s Gale’s turn to be confused. Does she mean it? Or is she messing with him? I’m guessing the second.

Gaaah, so much going on here! I can’t decide if I want to make a proper Gadge post, so in the meantime, here’s some food for thought:

1) Why does Gale remark on her dress? Really - give me suggestions, because I’ve been turning it over in my head. If it’s meant to be ironic and she gives him sarcasm in reply (as seems to be the quintessential Gadge dynamic :D), it’s odd that he would be confused and not have a volley/riposte/etc of his own on deck. I mean, Katniss doesn’t seem to know (or at least, doesn’t clarify in her narration) whether or not it’s a compliment -

2) Which is interesting, because she guesses straightaway that Madge is “messing with him” in reply. ;)

3) Gale gives Madge what outwardly seems like a compliment and this is what ensues. One might surmise they’ve done this before... :D I mean, if there was no precedent, Madge would’ve just said “thank you” and exchanged money for berries. Since the mayor is such a valuable customer (being one of very few who can afford their asking price for strawberries), it’s interesting that Gale would antagonize Madge and risk losing the strawberry trade - not to mention bringing up the subject of tesserae at the mayor’s back door on reaping day! Does he take similar potshots at other merchants or is it just Madge? Is he irked (even threatened) by Katniss’s friendship with Madge? (I love that Katniss immediately defends Madge in the face of Gale’s tesserae rant. ♡) Does he feel like he can sound off at her (with impunity) because she’s Katniss’s friend? Or is he secretly crazy about her and resigned to the fact that he’ll never get her but the reminders of the impassable gap between them still incense him? Sorry, my hand slipped there for a sec. ;) 

Gale knows his anger at Madge is misdirected.

I didn’t recall this line from previous reading and it just makes me happy. :)

To my surprise, my mother has laid out one of her own lovely dresses for me. A soft blue thing with matching shoes. [...]  For a while I was so angry, I wouldn’t allow her to do anything for me. And this is something special. Her clothes from her past are very precious to her.

I’d never caught the “matching shoes” bit before! Do you suppose Katniss means dyed [blue] to match/covered with matching fabric (so that’s what they do at the shoe shop!) or simply that they go well with the dress? And if she means that the shoes literally match the dress: is this a particularly special dress (hence particularly special shoes) or is it customary for merchant girls to order shoes to match their dresses?

And further: why this year? It doesn’t sound like Mrs. Everdeen has offered one of her apothecary-era dresses before, which could have been due to Katniss’s repeated rebuffs, but still: why offer one of those very precious dresses this year? Did she have a feeling about this reaping? Or is she starting to see Katniss as a young woman, not just an angry, resourceful child? (Coupled with the fact that she subsequently puts Katniss’s hair up, the latter makes a lot of sense.) 

On a sidenote: Has anyone written meta on the significance/usage of braids in Twelve? (Notwithstanding WTM: Ch 13 and all that Mellark bridal braids/braid coils/engagement hairpin business.) Ex. Does a girl "graduate” from pigtails to a single braid around puberty and then to a crown braid as a young woman/wife, or does she/her mother simply style it however she feels on any given day? I’m just now realizing that I consistently picture reaping day!Prim in pigtails because of the film, but it doesn’t state in the text how her hair is styled, so it might be in a single braid or held back at the temples with a clip or even worn loose.

The square’s surrounded by shops, and on public market days, especially if there’s good weather, it has a holiday feel to it.

I’m really curious about “public market days,” since the Hob seems to be Twelve’s primary market - or at least, has become so in fanon - but Katniss makes a clear distinction between them (“Make only polite small talk in the public market. Discuss little more than trades at the Hob, which is the black market where I make most of my money”). Is this public market like a farmer’s market or a craft fair - or a bit of both? Is it simply the “merchant version” of the Hob? How often are they held? Who gets to sell at this market, and what sort of wares are we talking about? (Is it just merchants bringing their product outside, like a sidewalk sale?) Does the Capitol/Justice Building collect a fee from everyone wanting a stall/booth/table?

Edit: While looking up details for a different post, I found this passage:

Gale and I went to the market on the square so that I could buy dress materials [for Prim].

So apparently they sold fabric and notions in the public market? (Not at, say, a mercantile/general store?) I’m wholly confused now!

[ciathyzareposts]

Game 317: Sorcerer’s Bane (1992)

Unfortunately, the game has no title screen. This is as close as we get.

            Sorcerer’s Bane

United States

Wood Software Development (developer and publisher)

Released in 1992 for DOS

Date Started: 27 January 2019

One of the things for which I am most grateful about this blog is that it introduced me to the roguelike sub-genre. The introduction was quite quick, as Rogue was the second game that I played. I had never encountered anything like it–had never encountered permadeath at all, really. The idea that you could invest dozens of hours into a character, and then he could be gone, just like that, with one wrong roll of the dice, is a hard concept to grasp when you’ve grown up playing RPGs that allow liberal saving and reloading. Even recently, when I was playing The Game of Dungeons, I had moments where my mind refused to believe that a character in which I’d heavily invested–hale and powerful only moments ago–was somehow suddenly irretrievable.

Because Rogue itself, with its permadeath and dungeon randomization, is so inherently replayable, games in the sub-genre really have to distinguish themselves with new content to be memorable. Otherwise, all you’ve made is a clone of Rogue. Thus, we find a lot more variance in roguelikes–more than I thought was possible before I experienced them–than we do in many other sub-genres. NetHack, UnReal World, Moria, and Wizard’s Lair I may look somewhat the same, but they took vastly different approaches in mechanics and content, making them all fun to play in their own way.

Along those lines, Sorcerer’s Bane is an admirable effort from Indianapolis-based developer Chuck Wood. (Wow, is that a difficult name to Google. I’m sure there’s at least one “Peter Piper” out there with the same problem.) If I’ve found the right man, he would have been 18 when the game was released as shareware. (He asked $19.95 for it, or $99.95 for a version with the source code.) While it has a youth’s sense of humor in some of the text, the game is competently-programmed and highly-original. Wood clearly played Rogue (and perhaps NetHack) and was familiar with Dungeons and Dragons conventions, but he wasn’t overly restricted by them.              

Until you register, you have to see this message every time you quit. I’d happily pay the shareware fee, but I can’t track Chuck down.

          The backstory concerns two sorcerers named Lodi and Sabee who together founded a magicians’ academy called Mogadore. Each of the wizards wielded a Staff of Power. For some reason, Lodi turned evil and killed Sabee, hoping to use his Staff of Power in conjunction with his own to achieve near-omnipotence. For some reason, Lodi was unable to use the staff, so he broke it into four pieces and hid them in various parts of Mogadore, guarded by four dragons. Lodi them sequestered himself in the lowest levels of the (now-) dungeon to plot further mischief. The player’s mission is to reunite the four pieces of the staff, figure out how it works, and destroy Lodi.

Character creation has the player roll for strength, intelligence, constitution, dexterity, charisma, and luck on an 8-18 scale. He then chooses from human, elf, troll, dwarf, and gnome races, which further modify the attributes. Classes are fighter, magic user, and bard, and each has unique talents that (unlike the typical roguelike) can’t be acquired by the other classes. In other words, no one but a magic user will ever cast spells, and no one but a bard will ever sing bard songs. I went with a gnome bard which is a little unusual for me.             

Creating a character.

          The game begins in a menu town with a single shop and a cleric. You don’t have much gold to start, but you can return to the menu level whenever you want. The shop buys and sells weapons and armor, identifies equipment, and recharges wands. The cleric heals, cures sickness, and removes cursed items.           

The store has the standard selection of equipment.

         Below the menu town, each dungeon level is 12 x 76 squares, with features randomly generated. The levels don’t have twisting corridors of most roguelikes. Instead, most of the space is open, but with occasional buildings or “rooms.” The character is represented by a yen symbol (¥). As you move, you reveal the squares around you, which might contain traps, treasure, or special encounters. Combats appear randomly as you walk, in a separate interface, and monsters are not seen in the environment.          

Exploring one of the dungeon levels, I have a special encounter with a throne.

              My initial reactions to the game were negative, primarily because it has far fewer options than most roguelikes and thus seemed “dumbed down.” In the exploration window, there are no regular commands beyond movement and inventory. There’s no food system and no complex interaction between items, and no object permanence–when you drop things, they disappear entirely.             

A fairly small set of commands for a roguelike.

          Soon, however, the game’s strengths and innovations started to come through. Among them:

           It has an excellent interface–one of the best I’ve ever seen in any game. It supports both the mouse and keyboard, and also multiple ways to use the keyboard. For instance, you can arrow among the commands and hit ENTER or type the letter of the command. It anticipates multiple ways that different users might want to accomplish things. For instance, in the inventory screen, you can choose to (W)ield, (D)rop, or (I)dentify items (among other commands), or you can select the item first and then see a sub-menu of the different things you can do with it. It offers a few shortcuts; in combat, (K)ill causes the entire combat to play out as if you hit (F)ight every round.

            I could have done all these things from the previous inventory screen, or here in a way that’s specific to the elven cloak. And I can either press the appropriate key, arrow to my selection and hit ENTER, or use the mouse.

        The “help” system is also excellent. Almost every screen has a (H)elp command that provides contextual assistance with your current situation. 

             Hitting “Help” on the class selection screen brings up a description of each class.

          You get experience just for walking. Every step grants you one point. This makes it possible to play a “stealth” version of the game, at least at low levels.

In combat, you can attempt to avoid battle by simply talking to the enemy. Results depend on charisma, but it works a lot of the time with animals and neutral creatures. There are even “good” creatures like dryads who have additional encounter options if you talk with them. 

              What kind of monster wants to kill a dog?

          After you’ve faced an enemy a few times, you can bring up a “Monster Info” screen the next time you encounter him. It tells you the monster’s statistics (with your own in comparison) and gives you a brief description.

                The game shows what I know about hobgoblins.

         I like the identification system. Items can be cursed or enchanted, and if you want to take a chance, wielding or wearing the item immediately tells you everything about it. You can pay to identify items in the shop, and you can find Rings of Identify that (usually) identify things automatically. 

          Yo, dawg . . .

          Items have fun effects (both advantageous and disadvantageous) that I’ve not seen in many other games. A “Book of Intense Wealth” gives you thousands of experience points or gold pieces. The cursed “Forward-Only Motion Boots” don’t let you use any up ladders. I’m not exactly sure what the “Attacking Floating Sword” does, but it’s apparently a good thing. Items otherwise offer the types of resistances and advantages that you’re used to in roguelikes, and of course you can keep multiple items to swap in and out of active inventory as the situation demands (e.g., putting on Ring of Disease Resistance when you meet a zombie).

There are interesting special encounters. Dryads give you hints. Gamblers offer you a chance to wager on a card game (and some of them carry Decks of Many Things). Thrones can convey a variety of benefits or demerits. Fountains usually heal (fully) but sometimes improve or reduce attributes instead. (Fountains and thrones, of course, are staples from earlier roguelikes.)

            A dryad offers some equipment advice.

        There’s a complex “wish” system. Various items and creatures can grant you wishes, which accumulate in an associated statistic. When you want to use a wish, you just hit “W” and a menu comes up offering various options, including raising an attribute, gaining a magic item, healing, extra experience, gold, and “a pet grizzly bear and a dreamwolf to fight with.” I haven’t tried that last option yet.

           Some of the wish options. I only have one, so I guess I’d better save it.

         Monsters include the standard set of roguelike/fantasy creatures. On the first few levels, you might run into jackals, goblins, kobolds, hobgoblins, floating eyes, skeletons, and giant rats. Later, you get more advanced creatures with special attacks and defenses. Were-creatures can only be hit by magic weapons and can cause lycanthropy, for instance. Amorphous acids can corrode items. Mad dogs and zombies can cause disease. Thieves can steal your money pouch and disappear. After Level 10, there are spellcasting enemies like satyrs, gorgons, and wizards. I’ve found it best to run away from a lot of these creature types, especially the animal ones that never offer any gold or items after you kill them.           

Fighting a mad dog is a bad idea. They can disease you and offer nothing once you kill them.

         In combat, you have options to attack, talk, run, cast a spell (for magic-users), sing a song (for bards), make a wish, and use an inventory item. A lack of missile weapons and a low variety of items makes combat a bit less tactical than some roguelikes, but it’s not bad and at least it’s over fast.

Health does not regenerate on its own, but in consideration for that, and for permadeath, combat is relatively easy, at least for the first 8 levels or so. A lot of battles end with no hit point loss for the character at all. Running away works most of the time. Every few levels, you find a fountain that usually heals you, and both magic users and clerics have magical healing options. You also occasionally run into wandering clerics. And if you die, the game runs through a humorous scene in which the gods might resurrect you, but at a cost of all your gold (if you don’t have much, your chances of resurrection seem to be lower) or some inventory items.

             A silly scene that accompanies death.

           I have no idea how many levels the game offers, but I played this first session to dungeon Level 10. My character rose to Level 6 during the process, which each level increasing maximum hit points and improving a few behind-the-scenes statistics (which you can call up) like “magic resistance,” “to hit,” and “alertness.” Many of my attributes improved from potions, books, and fountains. On Levels 9 and 10, the game started to get a bit harder, with tougher enemies like gorgons and wizards, and matters weren’t helped by the fact that an unlucky use of the gambler’s Deck of Many Things caused me to lose my entire inventory.            

He did warn me.

            I’ve gained two bard songs during the course of the game. “Hypocrita” is a healing song and “Bazerker” is a combat song. Neither seemed to have any effect when I had a regular flute, but once i found a magic “Flying Flute,” they both started paying off. In particular, “Hypocrita” heals 6 hit points per move, which means that combats have become about individual difficulty rather than collective difficulty.           

My inventory before the unfortunate event above.

        I expected to find shortcuts to the surface the farther down I explored, but it hasn’t happened yet. That means if I want to go back to the shop, I have to climb up 10 dungeon levels. I guess after a certain point, you have to rely on your own resources for item identification and wandering clerics for healing that you can’t accomplish yourself. Since I lost all my stuff, though, I guess I’m going to try to make it back to the surface to buy a new set of equipment, then perhaps grind a bit on lower levels until I find a few magic items again (magic items are most common in treasure chests, but monsters occasionally drop them). If I lose this character entirely, I’ll probably restart as a magic-user so I can experience that side of the game, but I’ll likely backup my character every couple of levels.

Sorcerer’s Bane will end on a high note if it doesn’t last much more than another four or five hours. Character development caps at Level 15, which suggests I’m about 40% of the way through, although it concerns me that I haven’t found any of the dragons yet. Maybe they’re all grouped together on one lower level. For now, the game hasn’t made any major mistakes, and I’m impressed that the young developer showed so much innovation and sense of balance.

Time so far: 4 hours

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/game-317-sorcerers-bane-1992/

[novantinuum]

Moments Faster Than Light (original)

Words: 3000~

Summary: In an instant, her mind reeled in the wake of infinite potentiality, strung between a series of futures with no clear answers. But in the end, two choices stood out highest above the others. Loyalty to her empire, or loyalty to childish, hopeful desire? 

Genre: Sci-fi (in setting), drama, kinda an introspective piece

This is an original work I wrote for a fiction writing class I just finished. I set about wanting to tell a familiar, character-focused story, but set in a futuristic, unfamiliar setting and this is what I eventually came up with. Without saying too much, at its core I’d say it’s about forgiving oneself- and the often long and tangled path we humans take to reach that point in life. 

As this is an original work- and thus devoid of the normal fandom audience that would otherwise read my stuff- if you read and enjoy it, I would appreciate any reblogs or boosts you could give. Enjoy :)

Firsthand experience of faster-than-light travel was truly a curious thing, she mused, perhaps even borderline unnatural. The stomach twisting sight of visible space bending around the broad, riveted hull, distant pinpricks of light elongating into thin streaks as the ship accelerated to its maximum velocity, she watched the whole spectacle from behind a tinted window in the engine room a day ago. This ship was en route to a distant colony world at the far edge of the Milky Way, on an aid mission due to recent skirmishes against a warring human empire that had grounded all civilian crafts to and from the planet. Thousands of light years away, and they’d arrive in no less than a week. How haunting then, that humankind’s vessels progressed far enough to cover such an unimaginable distance in so little time. Considering that, it never ceased to awe her how they possessed the ability to cross the physical boundaries of— for many— what encompassed the lived space of an entire lifespan in naught but a flicker of the second hand of her watch. 

Tamara stifled a chuckle as she adjusted her uniform. While she’d love to follow that mental thread through the far reaches of the cosmos, she cut herself short. There was no time on the docket for such fantastical, philosophical musing today, especially since her last review haggled her for “having an occasional tendency to appear unfocused on duty.” If she truly desired the chance to redeem herself and impress her superiors on this mission, it was imperative she kept to task. Calloused fingers brushed against the metal pins at her collar, two to signify her rank as junior lieutenant, and with a distant smile she imagined what the weight of three more might feel like. 

Not now though, not now. With an intentional crack of her knuckles she wrung these ambitions from her mind, and eventually settled back into the comforting rhythm of her current assignment in the engine command room. Her hands worked with quick familiarity in unscrewing the back panel of a broken medical scanner, this kind of mechanical work engrained so deeply into her subconscious it no longer required her constant attention. In between other jobs, Tamara’s superior officers generally allowed her to fix whatever busted tech she came across, satisfying her desire for busy work on slow days. She was thankful for that kindness; it kept her thoughts from wandering too far into the shadows of troubling memory she’d rather not recall. Her main duty however, rested in monitoring engine stability. Whenever the main computer caught a taunting glitch in functionality, she diagnosed the root cause of the problem and instructed the handful of crewmates under her command on the proper fix. In the olden days of space travel she bet her job would be lost to droids or half-sentient programs, but in this age of technology one learned to cherish the presence of the human touch. That being said, thanks to the numerous redundant failsafes the ship’s builders no doubt installed into the main drive, glitches were few and far between. Hers was a slow job for sure, but still one of great importance. 

“Lieutenant Raske, may I speak to you for a moment?”

She lay the medical tech on her desk and eagerly spun in her chair at the call of her supervisor, meeting his gaze. “Yes, Commander?”

“I, ah—“ He squinted through thick horn rimmed glasses at whatever text the tablet in his hand displayed, face masked with stress, and for an instant Tamara’s mind fixated on every possible outcome of this conversation, desirable or not. “Sensors in the rear cargo bay seem to have picked up an unusual signature? You’re well acquainted with our sensor arrays, so I’d like you to go check on it. Honestly, I think it’s just a malfunction you’ll have to fix,” he admitted, absentmindedly tugging at curls of greying hair at the nape of his neck, “but you know what they say about foresight in a time of war.”

“On it,” she said with a confident nod as she stood from her post, secret relief flooding through her veins. New assignments always excited her. “Report back. I’ll send the data to your viewfinder.”

...♦...

Tamara strode through the sterile, winding corridors, the steady echo of her boots against the deck acting as her pace keeping pendulum as she passed fellow crewmates. Thick panes of UV reflecting glass acted as portals to the world outside their artificial gravity filled, climate controlled paradise. Some people on this ship envisioned space as a purely hostile domain, and understandably so. She certainly couldn’t blame them, with the steely eyed gaze of pulse canons beckoning their attention from just outside the hull portholes. However, when she saw space, she liked to extend her envisioning to the endless universe beyond the walls of her ship. What of the star cluster glistening just above the starboard bow, or the nebula spreading its arms through distance space like veins of ore in stone? In an ideal world, one where her empire’s safety wasn’t constantly usurped by the threat of the Solarians, she knew she wouldn’t be a military officer; she’d be an explorer. 

She scanned her badge at the door upon reaching the rear cargo bay and entered the vast, low lit room, a thrumming sense of anticipation for a mystery yet understood expanding to fill the unused space. After a few moments spent fussing with the controls of the light panel, she glanced between the schematics on her viewfinder and the shelves of cargo, vying to familiarize herself with this new space. Wide shelving units extended all the way to the riveted metal ceiling, ten meters above at least. Bins of provisions— ranging from food staples like potatoes and beans, to practical supplies such as thermal blankets and bandages— were stacked wherever they could fit. From her observations, she was nearly ninety nine percent certain this entire bay was dedicated to nothing but storage of aid supplies for the civilians at their destination.

Her gaze dropped to the viewfinder in her hands. Securing the data on the strange signal her commander had intercepted was child’s play, and she quickly devised that the sensors had been tripped by unexpected motion. The ping appeared to originate from a storage locker in the wall a few rows to her left. She bit at her lip, meeting eyes with this locker as if it could sprout lips and vocally provide her a rational explanation for her mystery. Perhaps something had shifted inside. Yes, that must be it. The boxes got jostled about when the ship jumped to light speed, perfectly reasonable. A new curiosity boiling within her core, she trekked directly to the wall and pressed her palm flat against the burning cool steel of the locker’s door. She gripped the latch, and after a second’s hesitance pushed up. A harsh metallic squeak pierced through the stillness like the memory of bombs dropping through the cloud layer, and the cacophonous terror that accompanied them. Tamara couldn’t stifle the shout that escaped her lips and echoed throughout the entire bay.

She saw. 

Within the locker, half concealed by thick shadow and curled in fetal position inside a storage bin, sat a girl. Her face was pallid and thin, and her pale grey eyes—  blown wide with an emotion falling somewhere between fear and shock— appeared far too haunted for a child of her age. The clothes on the girl’s back were faded, threadbare facsimiles of the gaudily patterned fashion she herself had been accustomed to in her last years on Earth. Something about her appearance, whether it was the familiar mode of dress or the overall shape of her face, tugged at distant threads of memory. The threads wove through glimmering constellations, through years of stories, dreams, and childlike laughter, and the reassuring warmth of a small hand clasped within hers. They wove through acrid smoke and muddled sobs, unraveling the knots she’d tied that suffocating guilt within.

She clutched at her communicator, unknowing. Unsure. Blood pulsed through her veins at an almost painful tempo, her chest aching from the pressure. In an instant, her mind reeled in the wake of infinite potentiality, strung between a series of futures with no clear answers. But as her subconscious tore through the varied consequences any one of these decisions might bring, two distinct choices called louder than the others...

...♦...

Choice one.

All crewmates must report unidentified trespassers to the ship’s command immediately. Any actions made against this protocol resulted in removal of rank and potential charge of treason. Despite the mounting conflict gnawing at her bones she knew this fact well; after all, it was a rule branded onto the souls of everyone in their first year of academy. “There’s no place for anything but skepticism in a time of widespread war,” or so went the claim. Tamara held her own issues with this rhetoric, but good luck trying to provide criticism to authority when one desired nothing more but promotion. 

“Please,” the young girl said with a slight quiver, voice clearly hoarse from extended lack of use.

She tried not to let the air of desperation sway her best judgements, or wedge itself within the part of her soul that achingly remembered the experience of being a sister. Everyone knew the Solarian Empire they fought against was not above tactically planting impoverished children as sleeper agents. As much as she desperately wanted to prove this child wasn’t a link among enemy forces, she saw two issues with this endeavor. First, exactly how would she prove that the girl was telling the truth? She might talk to her, yes. Perhaps she might question why she decided to board this craft, ask what her intent in doing so unannounced was. But inevitably, if one asked a spy “are you a spy, or not,” they’d deny it with every fiber of their being. Like it or not, trust wasn’t an element in high demand right now. 

Second, and most importantly, she wouldn’t dare endanger her entire crew on nothing more than a glimmer of childish desire. She failed in her vigilance years before, and look where that left her. Every action, every decision she made within her ranks... she dedicated them all to him, to the one she loved, to the one she couldn’t bury before she evacuated from Earth or even mourn, because there wasn’t a body left to find. As much as she desperately wanted to move on, she thought of him every morning as she attached her pins to her lapel. She carried him with her on her assignments. She carried him within her dreams. The pull she felt towards title of captain— the very concept of steering her crew through the most distant, ancient nebulas, through space never touched by the whims of humankind— resonated deep within her, as if the constellations had written this aspiration into the very nucleotides of her DNA. She hadn’t been alone in this idealized vision of her future. He may have only been ten, but he had dreams too. 

Two breaths, she told herself. Deeply, in for four and out for eight, feeling her lungs swell with stale air.  In a bolt of hardened duty, she brought the communicator to her mouth and pressed to talk. 

“This is Junior Lieutenant Raske, I found a stowaway in cargo bay R1 and need backup? Over.” She averted her eyes from the girl before she could truly see her reaction. (Although nothing stopped her from hearing it.) This was a tough but necessary decision, she told herself, picking at a stray string dangling from a hem on the upper leg of her trousers. A child she may be, but truly knowing her motives was impossible. And despite her reasons for stowing away inside a bin filled with potatoes, any other choice might lead to her punishment, to the end of the rapport and reliability she’d spent years building. 

Security arrived within the second minute, and she wordlessly stepped aside to let them through. The two officers grabbed at the girl’s arms, pulling her kicking and screaming out of the locker. Her furious grey eyes yelled betrayal as security whisked her away to containment. Tamara’s nerves now considerably shaken, she lingered in the cargo bay a moment longer to close the door and conduct a final diagnostic check on the sensors. A large shuddering sigh drew from her lips as she dropped her forehead against the wall. 

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about the girl, or about the ruthless interrogation she’d likely be subjected to. 

At least both her crew and her position were safe, beyond a sliver of doubt.

...♦...

Choice two.

As much as she dared deny it, she couldn’t help but see her brother in the face of this girl. It wasn’t exactly a matter of resemblance; the only features they shared were grey eyes and similarly dimpled cheeks. Rather, it was their age. She appeared close to the same age Artie was when he— well, when she lost him to this dreadful war. 

She’d loved her brother. Over five years of separation between them, but their bond transcended that of normal siblings. By all else but title of mother, she practically raised him. Neither parent could ever afford to spend much time with their children because of work, but between scribbled sketches of spaceships and the endless mythology he invented at whim about every constellation that danced across the night sky... they found their own normal. She was only sixteen the day this “normal” splintered. It happened at the start of the current war against the Solarian empire, an old confederacy of worlds colonized by humans whose leadership had gone rogue. For weeks, a constant slew of news reports had outlined the mounting threat their strengthening forces posed to Earth, and yet she assuaged ten-year-old Artie’s worries and sent him off to school that morning anyways. When even but a fraction of the powerful Solarian armada crashed through the atmosphere hours later, haloed by fire, they caught Earth’s defenses by surprise. She remembered feeling the shockwave rattle the foundations of her own school, students pushing and grasping to reach the window so they could catch a glimpse of the cloud rising miles away, fringed with inky black tendrils smelling of death. Denial sliced through her heart first, followed by blinding anger on the day her family evacuated off planet. And once she enlisted in Academy, the last rotting sensation left after all those other emotions had boiled away was guilt.

“Please,” the young girl before her begged. A single word, unquestionable in its message.

Help. 

She thought of Artie, how his messy chestnut hair always fell in front of his eyes, the way he’d smile at her like she was his whole world, an endless ring of laughter as they lay on a blanket, stargazing under her old Earth sky. She thought of treason, of the punishment due to her should anyone catch her concealing a stowaway. Her actions might condemn her, strip her ambitions of one day becoming a captain into shreds. But should this girl be an innocent... a refugee of war, trapped between the lines of a conflict no child should ever be burdened with? She also just might save a life. 

Tamara’s pulse calmed, her path selected.

“I never saw you,” she said, meeting the girl’s eyes. Whatever words the girl planned to say next were lost in the slack jawed shock that followed. 

She gently closed the locker, plans already weaving through her synapses to adjust the parameters of the sensor array to mask the stowaway’s movement throughout the rest of their journey. It’d be an easy adjustment, nothing more than jumping a single line of code. As she walked back to the engine room, she tapped her fingers at a syncopated rhythm against her thighs, preparing within her the lie she must tell next.

Her commander stood at the far wall of the room, and apparently had watched her position for her while she was away on assignment. 

“Commander?”

He spun on his heels, greeting her with a trusting smile she knew she didn’t deserve. “Ah, Lieutenant, spectacular timing. Any findings?

“Negative, sir. Nothing of concern,” she said under the guise of confidence. “I’m almost certain the signal you received was just a glitch. It should be an easy fix for me.”

“Excellent,” he nodded, stepping away from her chair. “I’ll leave you to it.”

...♦...

Tamara gripped the handles of the storage bin and picked it up, muscles straining under the weight. Following her crewmates, she carried the food stock down the ramp and to the exterior of the ship, where the light of this colony world’s star warmly welcomed her. She deposited the bin with the others and inhaled deeply, appreciative that the air here didn’t leave her with a stale, metallic taste lingering on her tongue. In the distance families lined up in droves, eagerly waiting for the ship’s crew to begin passing out food and supplies. 

When she entered the rear cargo bay for the second time this journey, around an hour ago, the girl was nowhere to be seen. She kept a watchful eye for her among the civilians waiting for aid, but a deep hunch told her she may never know her full story. Since there was no news to be heard of a young stowaway found in the side lockers as they unloaded, however, she could only assume the girl slipped out in time. Of course, why or even how she trespassed on their ship remained a mystery, but as Tamara watched a solitary mother in the crowd turn and embrace her child tightly, she realized it didn’t matter. The only truth that mattered was that she put in her best effort to save her. Everything else was out of her hands, factors of fate. She leaned against the outside hull of the ship, the threads of guilt that had tangled across her soul for so many years slowly but surely beginning to unravel.

Wherever that girl may be now in this vast, mysterious universe, she at least hoped she finds what she’s looking for.