#this post is just a huge tired ramble
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fumifooms · 3 months ago
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Dungeon lord Chilchuck
What would his wish as a dungeon lord be? What would he be like? Headcanons & speculation post for fun. But I’ll start with analytic lead up because that’s always fun for me, though feel free to skip and skim.
When it comes to what Chilchuck’s dungeon lord desires could/would be like we have mainly 3 hints: His nightmare, his succubus and what the winged lion says to him.
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Why: — From what we see nightmares are based on the person’s worst fears and insecurities, both Laios’ and Marcille’s nightmare were closely tied to their dungeon lord wishes (Laios’ dream monster being summoned to crush the ghosts of relationships that represented the pressure to fit in and belong, Marcille seeking control over death and aging through magic to avoid loss), the fuel behind their desire/goal if you will. Fear and deep-seated desires are seemingly closely tied, something also supported by Thistle and Mithrun’s reigns as dungeon lords (Thistle proving his worth through fulfilling his given duty + protecting his loved ones, being listened to instead of having to listen, Mithrun escaping rigid two-faced elven society and living in a wonderland where he has no enemies and he’s loved, free from everyone he knew yet propped up by the person symbolizing his brother being chosen over him, the bastard child).
— I’ve talked about the significance I assign to the succubi often by now, but rundown: What we see of each character is all very telling if you care to listen, it shows not only someone’s "ideal form" but what they want from it. Izutsumi’s is familial, offering a hug and comfort, Marcille’s is romantic with a character she knows and loves, offering a kiss on a hand and a connection regardless of how distant it actually is, and Laios’ is platonic, arguable at first but then Laios’ fear of judgement is placated and he is offered the picture perfect friend group that accepts his interest (if you want my full look at Laios’ succubus go here). They take on the most alluring form, most ideal person of their victim, even uncovering deep subconscious desires, so precisely and effectively to the point it leaves victims physically frozen before the object of their desire. Succubi and the demon are themselves tied in lore and it’s easy to see how similar their core skill are. Succubi don’t give a good idea of what a character would wish for on their own but they certainly give hints on what they crave, regardless of how you want to read it.
— Last bit is self-explanatory. To placate Chilchuck and win his compliance over, the monster that reads your soul like an open book offers to give him something specific. But! It’s also important to remember that the lion isn’t offering to fulfill Chilchuck’s dream world wish here, it’s a second prize, because his goal with what he promised Laios is that they’d stay in this world, away from everyone and everything else. Chilchuck wants to get away but is kept back, and it’s here the lion placates him with "hey it’s okay! You can’t do that but I can still give you this! This is enough right? It’ll make everything easier on you".
What each bit says: — Long version in another post. Tldlr: His daughters and family are obviously important to him, and this reinforces that he takes on the role of protector a lot, he’s constantly worried for his party members’ lives and implicitly his family’s. Safety and stability, both economical and otherwise, are his core values and goals, and he berates both others and himself if someone fails on those fronts. Here, there’s the fear of not being enough, of not having been able to protect, and of course of loss.
— Chil’s succubi are obviously sexual, and not only that but agressively and straightforwardly so. It’s not like Marcille’s where there’s personality involved, all they do is give him sultry looks and pretty smiles before jumping on him. His succubi aren’t like Izutsumi’s, always the same exact person and appearance, so it’s not someone but an appealing general idea. The idea of a sexual being he can regard as simply a gorgeous piece of meat and a good time no strings attached. In my interpretation, especially with my reading of Laios’ succubus where even with deep-seated desires negative emotions can be too intense to effectively freeze a victim, I think this doesn’t contradict his character. Relationships have been painful to him in the past, in the succubus scene when his wife gets mentioned his immediate reaction is to yell "Don’t bring her up now!", like with his habit of drinking and as a tallman liking his senses feeling dulled, it’s about not having to feel emotions with how difficult they are to deal with sometimes and just feeling good, or at least not having to think, for a while. If a succubus showcases someone’s ideal connection with an ideal person, then Chilchuck’s is with a pretty person that doesn’t stir any negative memory or drama, someone low stakes and low maintenance that doesn’t require him to manage or talk out feelings because there’s none involved in the first place.
— Once more, wife and family are important! He does long for his family, not only his wife but his daughters, and vice versa. This suggests not only that he wants good relationships with them but that he wants them to be with him, a family life. Far from the cut communication they all more of less have during canon, and perhaps far from their life pre-canon when he worked away from home a significant amount of time. We’ve seen recreations of people by the winged lion before with doppelgangers and monsters (naga), and though he claims he can make satisfying imitations, what we’ve seen is that they base themselves on the best memories of that person, like with Marcille’s dad, or twist behavior to be more pleasant, like Mithrun’s lover (and possibly twist appearances depending on the person’s view of them, but that’s Mithrun analysis). The line does suggest Chilchuck would want his family members as they are in reality and not idealized versions, but the circumstances are chaotic and urgent enough in the scene (and again the lion isn’t fulfilling Chilchuck’s wish but trying to make him content for Laios’) that it could just be the winged lion saying what he needs to to convince him the fastest possible, and like we see with Laios that can crumble to give way to deeper or more complex desires.
On top of that we just have general info on Chil. How does Chilchuck deal w his issues? What does he like to do? He likes alcohol and ignoring his problems. We have to remember there is a split between what someone would consciously wish for and what their soul uncontrollably irrationally craves. As always with Dunmeshi, there’s a narrative of irrational deep-seated desires vs active wants, what you crave vs what you strive for, what you dream of vs what’s actually good for you, the animal vs the human inside you, heart vs mind. Chilchuck craving a harem of hot babes in his fantasies but wanting his family life & wife back again is not mutually exclusive. You may crave becoming a monster and tasting what humans are like a little but still want to save the world & your friends more.
Btw can we adress the irony of him terrified of being the last one alive, of being left by his daughters and wife, of having left and coming back home one day to see everything gone or rampaged, yet not caring about dying of liver failure himself, knowing every time that he enters a dungeon there’s a real risk he may not come out. Die somewhere I can’t see you. I prefer leaving you than being left behind. He’s selfish and shortsighted like that… Chilchuck is selfless in many ways of course, but perhaps also due to his own relationship with his parents, he often undermines the effects he has on others in his relationships, both the good and the bad (he talks himself down about being cowardly and greedy yes, but never hints at his bad health habits, alcoholism and starving himself, may have affected his loved ones, doesn’t question his wife falling into a bad mood the night before she left, and talks about the possibility of dying here and there very casually, though obviously he tries his best to stay alive when it doesn’t concern his health).
Chilchuck king of "Let me just avoid and ignore my problems surely they’ll go away, things might work out and if they don’t well tough luck I’ll survive and I probably deserve it anyways". If I don’t look at it it will dissapear <3 Why care when you can simply not think about it.
You might not understand Mister "my love will stay strong through months of work travel and also 4 years of separation" and Mister "well idk my siblings and me are kinda strangers and my dad is dead but that’s kinda whatever", but typically relationships need some form of maintenance and emotional availability…
The actual headcanons finally
I kinda have 2 routes in mind for dunlord Chil and both of them are centered on "I care too much, i wish things were easy", so first is a lot like his succubi, it’s full on indulging in his guilty pleasures like alcohol and bodies and it’s to keep him in a constant state of thrill and euphoria and distracted, unfeeling about stuff that really matters. "Nothing matters except that I’m enjoying the moment!" vibe. He gets to live a life worthy of Dionysus, with alcohol and women and debauchery and like— never having to think again, never having to feel anything but pleasure again, never have to feel guilty or shitty or angry or sad. He has a harem and gets everything on a silver platter.
Breaking news demon magic-induced rush of euphoria and power still not enough to cure this man of his self-hatred nor his capacity for thought!! But in his case a state of euphoria is what he seeks I think, to kinda mask or replace the Everything Else.
The other is what I think closer to what canon suggests, with what WL implied too with "I’ll make you a new wife and kids like the originals!! 😊", it’s a (spoilers) Wandavision type thing where it’s a slice of life where he’s never at work and always at home and the family eats lunches at the dinner table together and everything and everyone at any moment is just. Happy. No issues. It was all a dream, this is real and everything is fine and your family is perfect and happy. I like to think the timeline would be wonky, his daughters would fluctuate in age, but he’d want to be there for what he missed, would want them to still rely on him and look up to him like when they were young, would like to forget that they’re now independent adults and the distance that grew between Chilchuck and his siblings is happening between them as well. Chil would want doppelgangers of his family imo, at its core just a general wish for a peaceful happy family life with no drama, no need to compromise, a little paradise of unconditional love and no consequences. It’s for sure straightforward, but Chilchuck is a man with straightforward desires…
But see Chilchuck is a greedy man, and he wants it both ways without having to sacrifice anything or expanding any efforts himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think playing with these two opposite directions and mixing and matching is most fun. Him leading a life where he indulges in all his worst habits while still having everything he wants… Him getting to have BOTH his wife and any woman he can imagine up, his life like two sides of a coin he can flip at any moment where he’s partying then he’s at home enjoying the quiet and his toddler daughters playing with toys on the carpet. Christ when you remember it’s all an illusion that’s terrifying, the doppelgangers and succubi from the winged lion playing chilchuck ping pong.
A safe little haven both security-stability wise and emotionally. Gets to have both the relaxing and the thrilling in any dose he wants, mixed or separatedly. What I’d argue he had pre-canon too: Can live it up in taverns away from home, stays away from home for long periods of time, and can come back to home aka the symbol of relaxation and safety whenever he decides to. Something he can leave and come back to at will, an anchor he can trust in (until it’s taken from him and his wife leaves. Or in his worse nightmare people rush in and kill his daughters). The ideal of a house and family to a working man, perhaps…
I think it’s fun to think on wether or not these desires would be interesting at all to the winged lion… In canon he seeks out "rare/complex desires", common simple things like I imagine riches, sex, substances and pleasure would be are boring to him, he’s eaten those so many times already. So perhaps he wouldn’t last long as a dunlord, the WL would want to eat him fully quick, can’t keep him interested or waiting long for a meager meal, too much effort raising the cattle and too low quality meat. By making it more twisted or layered Chil’s desire would become more desirable to the demon, it’s part of what’s fun with the third option to me. But whatever. Has he ever eaten a guy with this much repression and self-sabotage... Like trying to get the meat out of a walnut, enrichment…
Other dunlord Chil takes I’ve seen that are fun and good:
@feelo-fick and @pluvio-floret have a dunlord Chilchuck AU project dubbed "tragedy AU" where Chilchuck is said to be "on vacation", in a weird delirious state, only half-there half of the time… From which he doesn’t want to wake up </3 Quoting Feelo, this is why the vacation thing is only a half-joke cause he is 1) letting all his responsibilities go 2) indulging in himself and 3) "spending time with his family" <- lie but you get what i mean. Additional comments that have me vigorously nodding: because changing is hard why cant things just be okay right now without the effort !!! Life is hard he’s so so tired he just wants to feel good… he just wants life to feel nice and easy for a sec while he can learn to breathe again and lose the stress and trauma he’s accumulated…….. spoiler alert yes !!! in fact a depressed person can suck themselves into their job and lock out the world who wouldve thought !!!
And then Cabinette I know posted about his dunlord take once but I don’t have the link, in which Chil has a lot of nosebleeds because of mana overload which is fun and interesting to think about imo~
In dunmeshi, where characters get underground pockets of the world as their playground disconnected from everything outside and the rest of the world, it’s important to remember to face reality even if it has conflict and people with different views and stances from you, it’s something Chilchuck and Marcille and everyone needed to learn, and the thing with a dungeon lord AU is that you imagine a timeline where he fails to <3
A timeline where his dungeon lord wish is to desire nothing bc hope and want has only ever hurt him would also go so hard. Very universal thing though I suppose.
… And this is why a Chilchuck-centric Coraline AU is really really interesting and fitting and topical— Ok that’ll go in a separate reblog/post at @Fumiku I need to let this end
#Dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#Analysis#dungeon lord chilchuck#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Wish we could put just parts of a post under a ‘click to read more’ box that scrolls open and closes neatly#Bc 3/4th of the post is just extra explanation for ppl who don’t See The Vision already but like that’s not what i wanted most of the post#to be really gdbdg#Headcanons#You could say the family also represents something he’s built up with how own hands. If he has self-worth issues and thinks he’s a screw-up#in the virtue/honor and likability department especially— his family destroyed/killed also represents the one biggest good thing#he’s done/created crumbling also. Like his wife leaving without a word while he trusted their relationship this can hugely impact#one’s sense of identity and self-worth and what you’re living life for. In his case it’s not too surprising he turned to simple#physical pleasures for comfort and enjoyment. Like with tasting good food having moments feeling good keeps you going#He always focuses on the bad relationships bring and never the good aghhhh#The reverse of Marcille who often idealizes. They both ignore problems in their relationships in opposite ways.#What do you mean why do i bring up marcille. Okay yes this’ll get a marchil Fumiku short brainstorm reblog as well#Chilchuck is so… curse of having feelings and not realizing the extent of them. Underestimating how much you care#It’s either ‘i’m fine who cares’ or falling into the pits of despair and blaming himself n spilling his whole bag no inbetween#Dunmeshi succubus#Fumi rambles#boy that’s what this boils down to i suppose#Family angst “Hey I came back home from work and i’m tired so don’t talk to me about problems or anything k? I’m here to relax smh damn”#< unwilling to admit he has issues he should be working on or that some things are affecting others negatively#Chil you are so enneagram 6w7 <3
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xiii-e · 11 days ago
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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saline-coelacanth · 5 months ago
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I am once again going insane thinking about Kalmaar I cannot put into words right now how much I love him he is such a great villain I'm gonna scream
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sapphirebluebird · 9 months ago
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Y'know.. after some growth.. on my rewatch of BCS I have decided that Chuck is not a villain, he is the mentally ill precursor to the beaten down shell of a person that Jimmy turns Howard into.
I have decided that Jimmy is more of a villain than I originally perceived him as, (lot's of his sabotage behind Chuck go in hand with this thought as well) though that doesn't make me love his character any less. If anything, my love for these characters, especially the ones who I found obnoxious (mostly Chuck and Howard), grew exponentially. There's a lot of stuff I've missed on rewatch but I have certainly noticed how many more shitty things Jimmy and Kim did to Howard just to get the sandpiper case sacked while humiliating Howard. Howard has them completely clocked man, just like Chuck had Jimmy clocked! Honestly my rewatch of s6 e7 has me rooting for Howard and the end result of Lalo's execution has to be a symbol of Jimmy and Kim's relentlessness towards Howard. A symbol of the consequences of their need to play people. Howard wouldn't leave because he was too caught up in his rage at them, his honest to god understandable rage, and everybody paid the price for it. Howard's monologue was so good though. What's interesting to me is that maybe Howard does deserve a bit of guff in his life, what with the silver spoon. But his monologue is endearing to me, along with his homages to Chuck from previous scenes, and truly the growth of Howard's character is tremendous following Chuck's death. Like idk man. A lot of the things that Howard says end up being very sweet overall. Although, when Howard calls Jimmy and Kim "soulless" (SUPER funny to me btw) it is interesting to me that Lalo meets Howard after he comes out and says that. Like no, you haven't met soulless. (i believe that Jimmy isn't necessarily evil, but he is a maligned character for sure.) That being said, they did so well with building the suspense of Lalo's character and revealing just how low he will go to achieve his goals. The axe scene?? Him stalking Werner's wife?? HIM IN THE SEWERS WITH A PAIR OF BINOCULARS?? Like we all knew he was batshit but damn. When Kim went to go see him while he was being held in jail, and he compared Jimmy to la cucaracha, that was projection. He literally died in the papers but he didn't die actually. Oh also, he's crawling across the globe now in hiding and literally nobody has found him. Speaking of nobody has found him, Nacho's story was so heartbreaking truly he didn't need to be in the game.. guy was too sweet. I <3 u Nacho. When he hid in that oil tank or whatever the hell that cylinder was that shit was so smart but so nastay. Anyways I'm done talking now thank you for coming to my ted talk
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donnyclaws · 1 year ago
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I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.
#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself#maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it#places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do#cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way#which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does#working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it#it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect#idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or#be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely#i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute#not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always#i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen#but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the#i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or#yadda yadda lmao#sorry for the impromptu ramble#this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art#god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex#i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less#and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow.#it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me.#part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like#that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy
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florallychaotic · 4 months ago
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Not sure if I'm gonna get the second larks and katydids chapter out tonight but boy howdy I'm gonna try
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ardate · 2 years ago
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#protests#france#just me rambling#i'm getting real tired of those posts being like ''in the US we cant protest like the french do cuz we get violently repressed''#it is undeniable!! i am not arguing with the fact your riots got stifled very violently. it fucking sucks#but we ALSO do!! The french government literally got denounced by the UN for its use of weapons and ultra-violence against protesters#just a couple days ago there was a huge protest against an installation that would ruin us ecologically#in a continuation to the pension protests#the cops fired 4000 grenades in two hours.#several of those aimed directly at protestors. which is illegal and very dangerous and can KILL#40 heavily wounded. two people are between life and death.#someone lost an eye. a journalist got hit by a grenade in the leg and is gonna be out of work for 2 months.#one is still in a coma. it's been five days. he might die.#it took two hours for the ambulance to get there for him cuz it got blocked by the cops. which is extremely illegal. but they're cops.#and this is one protest but it's like that all the time#last week a woman got her thumb torn off by a grenade shot directly at her#there literally is a recurring joke among cops about 'losing hands' cuz of the sheer amount of ppl who got theirs torn off like this#i sympathize with americans your cops are fucking nightmares.#but so are ours. we get beaten up and mangled and killed. but we're still out there#stop pretending we only riot the way we do cuz we have it easy. i'm legit going to kick your ass#i didn't distribute eye drops to my fellow teargassed protestors last week in my tiny ass city to be told we play on easy mode#anyway. grabbing my medic kit and going out to protest again in an hour. what will You do?
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makerofmadness · 1 year ago
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When these three showed up I just gasped in absolute joy
(anyway so uh upon breaking the new update in it's genuinely just like. Really really good. and istg the trial reward thing kinda scared me at first but I'm pretty sure just about everything you got from the trials you can buy from the new shop so getting said new shop's currency from the trials basically has the same effect I think except now you get to choose what your reward is so yeah. Also one new thing in the shop is like a jar that's basically the shell-out machine from Splatoon 3 so Yippee I can get stuff from before I started playing the game-)
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skullzy20 · 1 year ago
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I wonder if varzia is tired of me going up to her almost every day to buy the same goddamn relic while being absolutely dirt poor with aya
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kapsloc7 · 5 months ago
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FINALLY POSTING THIS!!1! This was a huge project for me (literally, it is 3 feet tall!) based on Will Wood's 'The Normal Album' and my personal relationship with it. I threw a ton of references and symbolism in here, it was a ton of fun to create :)
Rambling about details under the cut.
Also: If you enjoy this, I have prints (and other things?) available here!
ALRIGHT BUCKLE UP BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS TO SAY
This painting is acrylic on a 24"x36" canvas, created as part of my portfolio focusing on human experiences and mental health. I wanted to make a painting about music because it's a very important thing to me, and was ultimately inspired by the song Memento Mori, The Most Important Thing. In the end I decided to base it off The Normal Album in its entirety.
The most obvious reference is the outfit, of course. I took all my own reference photos so it isn't an exact match, but is of course in spirit Will's outfit from the album cover. The only symbolism in this is the expression of masculinity in the suit, and a slight bit of femininity in the painted nails. Nothing too deep about it, I just wanted to throw in some gender fuckery because of my trans-ness.
The keyboard itself isn't a reference (I mean it's just my keyboard) nor are the books behind it (Just there for composition) but I put some stickers on the keyboard to throw in some extra references and symbolism. First, the "Give Me That Old Time Religion," both a Self-Ish reference and inspired by the sticker on Will's keyboard. Second, the pride flag being covered by an upside down American flag. This was something more personal I threw in for fun, about my distaste for the US and the oppression of queer people here. Also, I threw in the window from the album cover (but empty)
In the background, there are silly references to specific songs, (white picket fences, barbed wire and trenches, and the 222 for 2econd 2ight 2eer) and some more personal references as well (pill bottle ties into themes of the album as well as my own mental heath issues.) The potted plant has a bunch of symbolism thrown at it, and was inspired by lines in well better the alternative and Outliars and Hyppocrates, kinda a bit about feeling restricted by pressures from yourself or others causing you to uhhh. not be okay. and the pot design is based on the keys of Will Wood's keyboard as well as kinda an Everything Is a Lot reference.
Hand stuff: Bracelets are bracelets I made, mostly just for fun to provide more visual interest. Both kandi bracelets are inspired by Will Wood of course, the visible letters reading 'Memento Mori'. The grey bracelet doesn't have the letters visible, but it reads 'not afraid to die' The rings I wore were also personal fun. The white ring on the middle finger is a bit of queer code representing Aromanticism, and an engagement ring on my ring finger. Just representing the struggles I've had with sexuality and relationships and such.
Finally the chains, wallet chain was thrown in to represent financial pressure, and the one over the piano is the actually important one, representing how shitty it feels to turn creativity into a career, and feeling forced to create. There's more thrown in here probably but I'm tired and basically wrote an essay already so UH. GOODNIGHT IF YOU READ THIS FAR I LOVE YOU WAAAAA!!!! PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS I LOVE TALKING TO PEOPLE
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camellia-thea · 4 months ago
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mm. okay i've now rewatched the show and i'm actually standing a lot firmer on this one. i really don't like the season 2 finale's presentation of psychosis. especially as a response of rage and vengeance.
in part, it's related to a conversation had a little while ago where a friend tried to defend a (completely different show's) representation of psychosis that was harmful and upsetting as "humanising", where the entire point of the psychosis was to show the character was a "crazy killer not in control" and that you should pity the crazy person, but they're still going to hurt people! there is nothing humanising about these types of portrayals. it just reinforces the already prevalent stereotype that we're going to hurt people. it gives people justification to hurt us; the amount of violence we receive because people see us and immediately think "that person is dangerous" rather than "that person is vulnerable" is unspeakable.
there are so many ways they could have changed it to remove the ableism and sanism. i mean, "are you schizophrenic, louis?"? it's played as a fucking joke.
and the thing that gets me -- and always gets me in moments like this -- is that louis could've been full of rage and wanting to avenge claudia without the psychotic elements and it would have been even more powerful. in every instance of psychosis being used to "give reason" or "justify" acts of violence, it is more interesting and impactful for there to be an entirely different internal or external reason. i mean, louis, who for a very long time has grappled with the aspect of himself that hurts people, in very complex ways. a significant part of his character is grappling with his vampirism and his acts of harm, and even in s2 we see him eating animals over people. and he wants to hunt and be a hunter, he revels in it! but then he's overcome by guilt afterwards! would this not have been a good moment for that to truly absolve him of that guilt? have him, for one of the first times in the show, commit an unspeakable amount of violence without the prompting of another?
hell, i said it before, i don't mind dreamstat being present! i don't! i think there's an established place for guilt and grief to manifest as visions or hallucinations in media that isn't always bad! and i think conversations with dreamstat haunting louis everywhere is really powerful, especially when you see the real lestat countering it at the end! but not when louis hurts people because of it. that's the line i'm drawing.
and again, they're vampires! you don't need to lean into these tropes to portray them as awful people and show the horror of violence. you do not need to justify that behaviour; it's the vampire show where they're all awful to one another! that's part of the enjoyment! they're all meant to be hurting one another and deeply complicated people. the moral quandary of the vampire is that they inherently cannot exist without harming others, and how does one deal with an existence which entirely depends on preying upon others.
i know i'm repeating myself, and i will keep repeating myself until people listen. you don't need to justify acts of violence by throwing us under the bus.
this isn't a meta thing or a condemnation, i just wanted to write down some opinions. but i've thought about it a bit more. i really really don't like the hallucination/psychosis elements within iwtv.
i think it's in part because i experience hallucinations regularly and i've experienced psychosis, but i don't find value in it being shown in this instance and i think it could've been completely left out.
hell, it could've been just louis seeing lestat (and fuck, maybe even claudia) as manifestations of guilt, but the beginning of s2e8 wasn't it. i don't think i can properly convey what made me uncomfortable, but i had to pause for a little bit to let myself get through it.
i wasn't very keen on louis killing someone he thought was lestat, as a way of showing instability and as a way to make him obviously unreliable. i think it did give the impression they wanted; the unreliability, and i've talked about that in regards to unreliable narrators, but it didn't sit right at the time, and having now seen the finale, i don't think it was necessary.
the erratic behaviour and the hallucinations of his victims within those moments just felt. bad. especially since it was an element of driving louis to get revenge. it's just another case of psychosis being used to "motivate" harm. especially since he's a vampire! you don't need to justify him wanting to kill people! claudia's death pushed him to the edge without any elements of psychosis, he could've just killed them! and yes, he was tortured and had come back from the brink of death in those moments, but even still. it felt like it went too far.
i don't really have a point here, i don't think. i guess it's just, you can do horror and violence and instability without leaning into those tropes. i think it was unnecessary.
#god i'm so tired#this has been sitting here for a while#i have other less depressing actual discussions sitting back there but i just needed to get this out#in part this is because my symptoms have gotten worse since the conversation i mentioned. likely because of how upset i was with it#so like. i *am* currently having hallucinations of things that are telling me they want to hurt me. and that fucking sucks#and so watching it in media that i wanted to enjoy (and do!!) really just. makes me feel exhausted#especially when we're already dealing with 'delulu' it's just another thing that tries to kick at an already vulnerable community#and the fact that i have to justify why i feel this way! i can't just say ''hey. this is harmful don't do it''#and like! you can enjoy media that does bad things! as long as you can critically evaluate what it's saying!#you don't even need to do it in the moment! you can do it before or after and just enjoy the thing otherwise!#i mean. i am a huge horror enjoyer. you can't be a horror enjoyer without dealing with ableism and sanism.#that's the genre unfortunately. but it's 2024; it's not necessary we know better. (i wish. i wouldn't be making this post if we really did)#but looking back you have to accept that a lot of horror is not good at handling marginalisation! you can enjoy the film and also go#''that's ableist; i will reflect on that and make sure it doesn't influence my thoughts on people''#it's just. fucking tiring.#i dunno i am rambling at this point i have other things to be doing this is just. in my head.
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jweekgoji · 17 days ago
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Will you write for some Yandere!Orion Pax x reader? 👉👈
Yandere!Orion Pax/Reader [TFO/hcs]
tw: yandere themes, gn!cybertronian!reader, very brief mention of murder/death, mostly soft!yandere!Orion, overprotective, dependent behavior. word count: ~1000. a/n: i love making headcanons.
Orion is an obsessive, clingy and overprotective yandere that's for sure.
Orion is focused on you 24/7 in his mind, every time he's going out with someone else, he will constantly think of you. He's not having a fixation on you, like D-16 would with his darling, more like a thoughtful «I wonder if they will like it if I give it to them» or «if I COULD transform, I would be carrying them around everywhere!». His thoughts are mostly innocent, even though they often lead him to cause even more trouble. He will seek out a thousand risky stunts to do just to impress you, and he doesn't really care if Darkwing will beat him up because of it.
It is no secret that Orion is clingy. I already described it in other posts, and I will ramble about it again, but that silly guy does NOT know how to keep his servos to himself. Yandere Orion just can't comprehend the fact that you may not like it. You can find it weird, rude or just not tactile, and if he finds out, that's a pure torture. At first, he might find it funny and not take it seriously, you're probably in that «edgy, no nonsense and independent» phase some bots have, so he finds it his own personal goal to warm you up to him.
If you're somehow still adamant about it, I can see him trying to restrain himself from just squishing you against his frame the second he sees you in the same room with him. Cogless tiny Orion will be a sweetheart, so he always finds a way to satisfy his own needs without crossing the line. One day it's a simple touch on your shoulder, then he will try to hold your servo if lucky, and maaaaybe even give you a tiny peck on the cheek as soon as you look away from him. Touch is his love language!
Yandere cogged Orion/Optimus is a huge sweetheart but when he's tired and emotionally drained, the only thing he wants is to wrap his arms around you and hold you close to himself. Stay like that and don't say a word, it's not like you have a chance to escape.
Orion doesn't look like a person who thinks about his own safety. You will watch him running around Iacon from another trouble he got himself into, and he will even drag D-16 with him. Even though in his mind, it's for a better cause, If you're really close and dear to him, he also wants you to be the part of this adventure because he desires the better future for everyone and for both of you specifically. Together.
As Orion, still young, idealistic and naive bot, I never see him taking away your freedom. If you wish to tag along with him on the race, even though it's the most dangerous thing ever, especially with both of you not having any t-cogs...he will gladly accept it! As yandere Orion always cares about your well-being, but it's never the boring «I will lock you up just so you will always be safe» type of overprotectiveness. He neglects his own well-being to the point where he will gladly lose an arm or a leg if it means protecting you, and he doesn't care that he might die because of it.
You should constantly remind him to check Ratchet at least for once, but he will jokingly dismiss it since he's more concerned about that tiny dent on your frame. How did you get it? Do you need him helping you to polish? Orion already drags you to medic, meanwhile he is standing there holding broken metal pieces of his own body and like “that's just a scratch!”.
We all saw how Orion got protective over Elita once she was fired by Darkwing. His first thoughts are "yeah, I will NOT let that slide" even though he is two times smaller than their supervisor. Orion is a fighter for justice, for his darling he's a true gentleman, or...tries to be at least.
He's not that type of yandere who will murder someone if they hurt you, because his own beliefs are strong and unclouded. Yes, in the heat of battle, when it's either your life or the life of the enemy, he will never hesitate to end them, but even then he feels guilty about it (especially if we talk about young Orion/Optimus). If he actually ends up hurting someone, he will be devastated, and might as well take a long time to process it all.
How did it happen? How could he let this happen? He fights for freedom, for everyone, no matter if they're enemy or not, they all deserve at least a one chance for redemption. There will be a time when Orion blames himself for it, it corrupts his spark slowly, to the point where he thinks of himself as unworthy of you.
As much as Orion is an inspiring, he's self-conscious. The more not-so-happy events you go through together, the more he becomes dependent on you. You're a part of Orion's life, he can't shine brightly without his little satellite.
Yandere!Orion would constantly need you by his side. It doesn't matter where he is going, as long as he is with you. During his lowest moments, he wants you to reassure him and give him that comfort that will keep him at bay. He didn't mean to hurt anyone, but that worry and spark of rage blinded him, leaving his own servos dirty in the stranger's energon.
Young Orion is one of the softest yanderes to deal with. He still has to learn a lot about his own place in this world, his motivation, and his strength. Everything felt so easy when you were just two cogless bots, but the more time passes, the harder it is to deal with more complex feelings. Jealousy, disappointment, and regret. At the end of the day, you're the only person to keep him sane and not to collapse from the responsibilities on his shoulders. The problem is, it is too hard to get rid of that dependence.
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yandere-sins · 1 year ago
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“he follows until you are pressed to the cold wall, his arm around you, pulling you back so you wouldn’t have to be cold all night”
this made me remember that bed post, of how couples sleep Vs how single ppl sleep. Single ppl often have their bed up against the wall, cause it saves space and they don’t need to worry about falling off the bed, while couple usually have their bed in the middle with the headboard against the wall and the sides not touching anything, and that makes it easier for one of them to get up without having to disturb the other. This made me think… it would be such a yandere thing to do to have the bed pressed up against the wall anyways, so their darling can’t leave without them knowing or waking up. It just feels like such a subtly controlling action, where the darling wouldn’t be able to even go to the washroom in the middle of the night without the yandere allowing it. I mean, they prob would have had to wake up the yandere anyways if the yandere hugs them in their sleep, but this is still make the darling feel even more confined mentally, because they know that there is no way that they could sneak out so they would stress over whether they should wake up the yandere or if they would be able to tolerate it till morning comes. It makes you wonder if the yandere did it on purpose or by accident, especially if the yandere lives in a spacious house so there is no actual need to press the bed against the wall… ah, I just think it makes for a very nice small detail in this kind of scenario ☺️
(Sorry if this is rambling, I just woke up so my brain is muddled lol)
I haven't heard about that theory before! But it makes sense, now that I think about it :D
(Warning: Yandere, Sexual Mentions)
I can totally see yans taking advantage of that. Two entrances to the same bed are just taking up sooo much space (even if the room is completely empty otherwise, hehe). Why not make sure the darling has to do impossible aerobics to get on top and over their captor if they want to get out? Oh, the darling is such a tease, accidentally loosing their footing and waking the yandere with the beautiful sight of their darling on top of them. And then there's the wonderful spiel of:
"I just need to go to the toilet."
"Sure you do, darling."
Even if he yan knows the truth they just grip their darling's waist, keeping them in place and teasing them a little before allowing them to finally get off their captor and to the bathroom, the yan always following of course, yawning but excited to be up with their darling.
Or the very clingy yans that cannot imagine sleeping separately from their darling, even if the darling is sweating bullets because it's so damn hot in the room and locked in the yan's arms around them. They already abstain from drinking before going to bed, knowing they won't be able to free themselves of the yan's hold, so now they just hope to pass out from heatstroke or dehydration 'cause they are so fucking tired but can't sleep.
And then, of course, there's the aspect of being able to watch their darling all night long. It might take them a while with their captor staring down at them for hours to no end. How could they sleep with their sweet love right next to them? Pass up the chance to leave fluttering touches all over their bodies and whisper sweet nothings into their ear while they dream (hopefully of the yandere)? Never! They're just looking out for you—protecting you even! But the pleasure is all theirs, and the yan soaks up ever little utter or whimper from their darling, drunk on the vulnerable sight of their most precious darling. ♥
Oh, and can you imagine, those really mean yandere that drug their darlings? They are so freaking overjoyed when their darling is searching for any kind of comfort, after the yan put them into bed, while their brain is a huge mess. Darlings that cry and sob, but then bury their face in the yan's chest and the yan just instantly has a huge grin on their face as they pat their darlings head and rub their back, telling them everything is okay. They try to be empathetic but they just can't stop grinning, loosing their freaking mind from excitement. Yans who get so fucking hard/wet from their darling inching as close as possible to them, scared of some imaginary monsters they are trying to hide from, not realizing the monster is right in front of them.
Last but not least, sharing a bed doesn't just mean sharing a mattress. There's also just one blanket and one pillow, and the darling will be forced to stay near and rest their head on the yan's arm or chest. There's no escaping that, so they'll eventually admit defeat due to being so tired. But the morning after is when things get really interesting. When the mood shifts from sleepy to horny real quick, the yan not wanting to lose the warmth they shared all night, as always insatiable for their darling.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
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thunderbump · 2 months ago
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Lesson in Labor
Disclaimer: Hi everyone i know i posted one story and vanished but life got busy. I kinda through this one together but if people like it might make a part two. Enjoy :)
Mrs. Thompson stood at the front of her classroom, hands resting lightly on her enormous belly, a practiced habit she’d developed over the last few months. At eight and a half months pregnant, she looked ready to pop any day now. In truth, she’d started showing early, much earlier than anyone expected. By the end of her first trimester, her small frame had begun to round out, her baby bump impossible to hide from the students who whispered excitedly among themselves.
"Mrs. T is gonna have her baby any day now!" one of them had said during lunch last week. The class laughed, but Mrs. Thompson smiled politely, brushing off the comment. Little did they know how right they were.
As she continued her lesson, explaining the intricacies of Shakespeare's *Macbeth*, a sudden, sharp pain shot through her abdomen. She flinched but quickly disguised it as a cough. Her eyes darted toward the clock. It was only 10:15 AM. An hour had already passed, the day would be over in no time. At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.
Taking a deep breath, Mrs. Thompson continued speaking, but her words came out more strained now. She shifted from one foot to the other, trying to ease the building pressure that was quickly becoming difficult to ignore. Another contraction rippled through her, stronger this time, and her free hand gripped the desk behind her.
"Are you okay, Mrs. T?" a student in the front row asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, I’m fine, Jamie. Just a little...tired," she said, trying to smile through the discomfort. She wasn't about to admit that she was, in fact, having contractions. There was no way she was going to give birth in the middle of her classroom. Not in front of her students.
But her belly—round and large, the size of a beach ball under her flowing dress—was tightening again. She felt the unmistakable, rhythmic tightening, and she knew deep down that this wasn’t just some random Braxton Hicks. This was the real thing. Her baby was coming.
She glanced at the classroom door. She could make an excuse and leave. But then what? Her classroom was on the second floor, and the teachers’ lounge, where her phone sat, was all the way at the other end of the building. The idea of walking that far in her condition made her wince. Besides, if she suddenly bolted for the door, she’d draw attention. The last thing she wanted was to cause a scene.
“Now, can anyone explain Lady Macbeth’s role in the murder of Duncan?” she asked, her voice tight as another contraction hit. She bent slightly at the waist, hoping the class wouldn’t notice. Her enormous belly was pulling her forward, making her feel heavy, slow, and increasingly uncomfortable.
A few students raised their hands, but Mrs. Thompson’s focus was rapidly dwindling. Sweat began to bead on her forehead, and she wiped it away quickly, trying to maintain her composure. The pressure in her belly grew more intense, and she couldn’t help but place both hands on her stomach, feeling the strong kick of her baby—who was apparently eager to make an entrance.
"Uh, okay, Melissa, go ahead," she said, pointing to one of the students, her voice wavering.
As Melissa rambled on about the play, Mrs. Thompson barely heard a word. She was too busy counting in her head, timing the contractions. Five minutes apart. Maybe a little less. She swallowed hard, determined to make it through the next hour until lunch.
The next contraction came hard, and Mrs. Thompson had to turn her back to the class, pretending to adjust something on the board. Her breath caught in her throat, and she gripped the edge of the chalk tray for support. She was huge now, her belly straining against her dress, every movement reminding her of how close she was. Her students couldn’t know. They’d freak out, and she refused to be remembered as the teacher who went into labor during *Macbeth*.
But her body had other plans. She felt a deep pressure low in her abdomen, a sign she couldn’t ignore any longer. Time was running out.
She straightened up and turned back to the class, plastering on a smile she hoped looked convincing. “Class,” she said, her voice slightly higher than usual, “I think I need to step out for a moment. You can work on your study guides for the next ten minutes.”
She barely waited for them to respond before making her way, carefully and slowly, to the door. The moment she stepped into the hallway, her face crumpled with relief. She leaned against the wall, breathing deeply. Her water hadn’t broken yet, but she knew it wouldn’t be long. The contractions were relentless now, and her belly, huge and tight, seemed to be doing all the work of pushing her forward, one excruciating step at a time.
Each step was agony, and by the time she reached the teachers’ lounge, she was panting, her face pale and clammy. She managed to grab her phone, dialing her husband’s number with trembling hands.
“David, it’s happening,” she gasped, sinking into a chair as another contraction hit, “I tried to hide it, but…I think the baby’s coming now.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before her husband replied, “I’m on my way. Hang in there.”
Mrs. Thompson hung up and sat back, rubbing her enormous belly. She glanced out the window, knowing she was about to meet the little one she had been carrying for so long. But first, she had to make it through labor—hopefully, without causing too much chaos in the school.
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robolvrr · 16 days ago
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late night adventures  ⁠`⁠๑🍻
swerve x gn! human bartender headcanons /
i need more of this adorable little guy.
sfw / suggestive under the cut.
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"wait a minute. you gotta go to academy to make drinks?!"
you end up on the lost light completely by convenience. sure, cybertronians haven't exactly gotten the best reputation - a waging war following wherever they migrated wasn't pleasing for the planets caught in between a billion years of conflict. still, you're tired of working in a shitty bar with shitty customers and shitty pay.
while brainstorm first suggested to find a way to mass displace you (which you tend to just tune out his plans because he makes zero sense), the crew has settled on just making you a mech suit. it's not boxy, fitted for your frame. you don't have a helmet on because the mechs like to look at you.
kind of like a zoo animal exhibit to be honest. look, the alien in the tin can can speak!
you quickly develop some favorites. tailgate is adorable and cyclonus is terrifying but warms up to you over a few months. rewind is chatty. rodimus is.. rodimus. whirl has his charm and you love to hear skids ramble.
but who you really click with?
swerve.
my god he is OBSESSED. a human? on board? in his lifetime? at HIS bar?
it's even better once he learns you share interests.
you talk about your experience as a bar tender and yap his audials until he's melting. he loves it though.
he finds it interesting all the personal touches humanity tends to do for drinks.
like little fruits in fancy cups? burning a glass just for the fun of it?
"do you ever experiment with drinks?"
"well, yeah. to an extent."
"huh. do your customers sometimes offline for a lil?"
"... no honey i don't think they ever have."
please help him convince ultra magnus to include their trades for wines and spirits.
sometimes he lets you get behind the bar top.
he gets posted at your side and gushes like a goof. he finds the way you're able to talk and make drinks very, very impressive.
he learns to make drinks for you over time.
the first time you kind of gag and he freaks out, but you just end up patting his helm and choking out it's alright, he just gave his drink some extra kick.
HOOO. that is LIQUOR sir.
"what's wrong, starshine? feeling nervous?"
so. swerve isn't much of a flirt funnily enough. mechs laugh at his jokes and he's gotten some great connections, but not nearly the time to actually go out of his way (or shell) to banter like that.
it doesn't help that not a lot take him seriously. :(
when you talk to him about the culture of bartending, you joke about whether or not he had to sweet-talk his frequenters for tips and such.
he looks so confused.
"huh? why would i? you come to a bar to.. drink. right?"
oh boy.
you laugh though pat his shoulder when he gives that tiny pout of his. and you have the brilliant idea to show him what you mean.
it turns into a bet. if you can casanova the armor of em you win! and he'll get to see you in your full element. that means one night, human bartending - which drags in a HUGE crowd.
swerve bumps into mech after mech, shooting a lazy set of finger guns before knocking his way up to the bar. why was it never this busy when he was tending?
maybe he should hire the human. they certainly got some flair. for business purposes, of course. not like he's been thinking about them in the middle of the night staring up at the ceiling still as a statue. that would be weird. and creepy.
is it hot in here? it's definitely hot.
he eases himself on a stool. it feels funny being on the receiving end for once.
imagine his surprise when he spots you effortlessly zipping around, making drinks and finding him in the crowd! that look in your smaller optics sparkle and he feels the ship shift. is he having a spark attack? maybe premature crisis.
"hiya, handsome. the regular?"
he doesn't even look down at the glass you set before him, but it's his favorite engex mix and you remember, you remember what he likes. frag. you are a real sparkthrob.
"haha, already starting with the show, huh? you're gonna have to do better than that if you wanna prove your point."
it doesn't take a detective to sense how nervous he sounds. or an magnifying glass, because his gaze is a little focused on where your aft would be. your mech suit is real nice. there's orange and yellow accents, dark coal mesh barely visible between rivets of armor.
sometimes in the shower he thinks about how you'd look as a cybertonian. you'd probably be just as hot.
hot galaxy babe. ha. so he's a hopeless romantic and a xenophile.
"you're my favorite customer, swervey. just admit it feels nice to be pampered. big, hard-working mech deserves a little treat now and then."
then you toss that impish look over your shoulder, shaking two steel mixers together. the motion is standard. up, down, up down, up down, shake shake.
your grip is firm and confident on the equipment. your fingers can't really fit fully around the circumference.
he gulps.
"y-you're not slick. nuh-uh-uh. takes a lot more than saucy words from a pretty thing to get this motor running."
"oh. so you'd like me to demonstrate? i am a hands-on learner."
"this kind of talk wouldn't fly around here for long, sweetspark. makes me kind of jealous - you doing this for all the crew? cause i gotta tell you, there's some reaaaal bastards--"
thank primus it's loud in here. you don't help you know, tipping over the bar with a wry grin.
something pops into his mouth. an energon cube. raw.
"then it's good i just like teasing you."
you slide down about four drinks along the metallic table. swerve wonders if love at first sight is truly like the movies.
"tell you what. these drinks? on the house. and if you stick around.. i can teach you some chemistry outside of just making a damned good cocktail."
steam whistles out his vents.
..........
yeah. you won.
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haza1ll · 4 months ago
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animation for THE NEON VOIDD BABYYYY
this post is for @sugarpasteltmnt
‼️‼️MEGA YAPPING AHEAD PLEASE BEWARE‼️‼️
this might end up being really long and rambly and sappy but maybe not who knows.( it was) (and also featuring numerous spelling errors i am way too tired to fix and i am not re reading what i just wrote) SO. yknow how when chap idek..25(?) came out and i was all like “yeah so i made this animation for TNV and ill drop it when the fic ends” in your ask box? so. I FINISHED IT RAHHH. technically it has been finished since i sent that ask but ohhh my goodness did it need polishing. i haven’t animated in 4 years before that and omg it felt so good getting back into it but IDFK SOMETHING IS STILL NOT UP TO MY STANDARDS. i feel like i could have done so much more with it and i deffo wanted to but as soon as i told myself “oh yeah this is basically done” art block literally sucker punched me in the gut out of NOWHERE. I COULD NOT PICK UP MY I PAD. I COULD NOT DRAW. I WOULD STARE AT THE WIP ANIMATION AND BE UPSET BC I DDINT WANNA WORK ON IT AHH. that goes with saying. i kept having this thought in the back of my head “you need to finish it. you have a wip sitting. finish it. go do it. what are you doing are you STARTING ANOTHER PROJECT??? anddd yeah i got super distracted with other stuff and other projects and then i started spending my free time rewatching 2012 turtles and omg this summer has been a mess. i have all the free time in the world and i choose to be the least productive as possible with it even though i have a job that lets me literally sit on my phone and do whatever i want if no one is there. (i’ve brought my switch to work numerous times ☠️) what i was trying to get at is the fact that TNV has inspired a lot of the old me to come back and i lowk missed her. i really missed the point in all those words up there but im here now so whatever. BUT. TNV made me make a tumblr account, i got back in to animation AND digital art in general, got back into longfics that are ongoing, AND it also helped kickstart ideas for writing. i’ve got so many stories now!! you are such an inspirational person pastels i just- every time i read a new chapter of yours it made me wanna go get up and do something. i wanted to create something. because at the end of each chapter, i would think- “woah. a person out there just wrote this. they just sat down one day and committed. i wanna do that” so i did that. just huge thank you and shoutout to you pastel. like damn. idk no words from me here. just a bunch of platonic hugs and kisses and thankyouthankyouthsnkuou for this lovely heart wrenching but also sweet story. i love this fandom (tmnt) so SO much and i think it’s so awesome how interactive you are with your own personal NV fans. crazy how we’re all here because of a bunch of turtles. 
STUFF ABOUT THE ANIMATION:
okay i really like to talk and if you let me, i will run my mouth. this is the internet so im gonna do just that. so more words for you to read 😁. AHEM. so like i stated before in the genuinely scary mess of words up there, i haven’t touched animation in a while, like, 4 years a while. yes i’ve done digital art here and there along the years, i haven’t been doing it nearly as much as i need to to use some programs to their full potential. layers are still confusing, and don’t even get me started on multiply and all that jazz. shading never comes out right on digital for me, i gotta work that one out. so, for this animation, i decided to go with a very rough style. nothing needed to be perfect, i just wanted to live my little life of trying to experiment with a bunch of different things all at once in one short animatic. I wanted to do that little ball bounce thing all animation artists start with (i kinda included that with the key). i also wanted to have a go at lip sync (no hate it was my first time) and also timing the animation with the music. i wanted to see how smoothly i could move a figure in and out of and out of the screen as well, which honestly, i think that part might be my favorite. i think i did a good job, and thats what matters. the animation itself lost a bunch of quality on importing it- no clue how it happened but now the ending is grainy af. ignore that pls lol- but it was sitting in my flipaclip for god, i dont even know, 3 months now? i kept going back and forth on if i wanted to share it or not, so im throwing it to the wolves and i guess whatrver happrns happens and im good with that. yay. im actually rrwlly tired now sooo *leaves this absolute pile of words with a video attached at your feet and stumbles away quickly*
also i’ve genuinely never posted anything so i’m learning how to use tumblr too ☠️
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