#this post is gonna be blocked on my own dash bc i have aromantic blacklisted lmao

[asthedeathoflight]

I think its interesting to be an autistic aromantic person because a lot of aromantic people seem really staunchly opposed to the concept of romance or even love in general meanwhile i just kind of think its made up? Im not opposed to romance i just think romance isnt really a thing? I think people are trying to apply labels to something that is inherently unlabelable in a really unhelpful way. I believe in the existence of relationshipsa but i think "romantic" as a signifier is not useful.

Which is why i would like to introduce you to my alternative theory of relationships, which is "chill" vs "unchill." "Chill" is a quality generally associated with platonic relationships, whereas "unchill" is generally reserved for romantic relationships. However this doesnt actually work in the real world because we are all monkeys and as i said romance is fake. Unchill "platonic" relationships and chill "romantic" are all over the place.

Chill vs unchill is not a matter of depth of feeling but rather urgency of feeling. A couple who spends all their time together, if they are apart is always thinking about their partner, and prioritizes that relationship above other things in their life would be very unchill. Meanwhile a pair who see each other rarely but always feel as though they have each others back when worst comes to worst, even if their schedules dont reflect that, would be very chill. These qualities can be applied to any emotion, really. You can also have a chill or unchill nemesis. (I have a chill nemesis, personally. I will eventually destroy her but theres no need to rush.)

Chillness or unchillness are not inherently good or bad qualities. Conflict in relationships often stems from when people are not in agreement about the level of chill they want from that relationship. People who prefer chill relationships may find unchillness overbearing, and unchill people may think chill people dont care. Like everything else in relationships, it all comes back to communicating about what you want.

Ultimately my point with this dichotomy is that its more helpful when thinking about relationships than the ephemeral platonic/romantic divide. It doesnt matter if those two friends of yours are dating, because you have noticed that they are unchill and that is the end of the speculation. It doesnt matter what specific feelings you have about a new acquaintance, because you can evaluate the level of chill vs unchillness you feel and act accordingly. If you find the platonic/romantic labels helpful, thats fine, but having language that doesnt boil down to "well what do you feel in your heart" (when everyone's hearts are VERY DIFFERENT) is very helpful for me, friendly neighborhood autismman, to discuss relationships.