#this job has made me both a worse person and also a stupider person. i'm a mean moron now. thanks

[binch-i-might-be]

I need to switch to minijob asap. unfortunately I can't do that until october so what I'm gonna do is *unholy screech*

[lemon-muncher]

Yooo, its Aly. I have a request for you .

Can you do Sub!Bakugo and Sub!Kirishima getting pegged/ fucked by GN! OR Male!Reader it can be separate or a threesome does not matter to me <3!

TY, AstonomicalAlyy 💫.

Hehehehe😈

I saw this and got super excited. I'm gonna do this one in the style of a headcanon post cause I wanna do both Kirishima and Bakugou separate and together. Anyways, enjoy! Oh, I tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible...

Katsuki Bakugou

-One word: Slut

-Katsuki Bakugou is an absolute slut for anal play. It confuses you, and him. Something so vulnerable with his head strong personality just mix ... and you suck it up ;]

-Despite stating he's the dominant one in the relationship, he's very submissive when being fucked. He's a sucker for good old fashion doggy style. He wants you fast and deep inside of him, rearranging his guts in all the best ways.

-Starts off with heavy groans (he's trying to hold on to his dignity) by the time you replace your fingers with your cock, those groans turn into high pitched screams. Sometimes you think he's chanting in an ancient language from his incoherent whines

-If you're feeling generous or just want to hear his pretty crys and don't feel like gaging him, he will somehow get his spit everywhere. You can't tell me when he's fucked out of his mind that he doesn't drool. (Definitely inspired you to dress him up as a dog... you pervert;] ) Yeah, there's always huge pools of saliva left on your sheets afterwards

-I know I call you guys perverts but HIM?!?!?! He is the kinkiest mofo, besides Denki Kaminari, to exist. He's definitely had fantasy of you fucking him stupid infront of Midoriya to prove he has you all to himself. Yeah... you've probably thought of it to

Eijiro Kirishima

-Resident good boy

-He's a big guy, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be treated like he's made of glass. Such a pretty pillow prince

-Needs to be soft dommed. You would probably have to take up the role of a service dom because as a sub, Ei is just kinda useless... He's sensitive, so after an orgasm or two his body and brain have no energy.

-Prefers to be fucked slow but hard and deep. Even though he's practically unbreakable due to his quirk, a few deep thrusts into him and he feels like you reached his throat. He wants to break from the feeling.

-A fan of being able to look at you while having sex. He finds it more romantic:>

-His moans.... AHHHHHHHHH they're so pretty. His moans come from the bottom of his throat, they're long and sultry. Just hearing them makes you throb a little.

-Definitely the type to be a silent screamer when you finally hit his prostate head on. His head falls to the pillows under his head and his large hands reach out to hold on to you. Has definitely accidentally activated his quirk from this at least once.

-Call him a good boy. He thrives off of praise inside and outside of the bedroom. He needs to know he's doing a good job, he'll cry without it....

Katsuki + Eijiro

-A worshiper and a brat..... oh boy

-Bless your soul for having to deal with them. You have to be a service dom and a brat tamer at the same time. It's exhausting but it's worth it to see your boys satisfied.

-They both are attention whores, they want you to look at them and only one of them. Eijiro turns into a brat and Katsuki...he just gets worse. Eijiro will start to act out so you can shift your attention towards him, even if for a second. Katsuki becomes a nuisance, he'll rile you up around his friends only to ignore you the second you decide to indulge into his games.

-Most if the time, you usually end up having Eijirou in a full nelson, his feet close to his head as you pound into him. He'll be gaged as punishment for acting out. Edge him for hours and when you think he's had enough, immediately go into overestimating him. Milk him of 3 or 4 orgasms. He wants you to stop but also to keep going. He just wants to feel you.

-As you edge/overstim Ei, Katsuki will be restrained to your bed post with a sounding rod in his cock. He is also gaged but can hear and see everything. You leave him there to watch the two people he care about satisfy each other without him. It definitely turns him on but makes him lonely as well. Once Eijiro is too fucked up to comprehend anything, you move to Katsuki.

-The second you unchain him, he'll start sobbing, telling you how sorry he is for misbehaving. After a stern look, he'll think of every way to praise you. His mind will probably go to trying to suck you off but you have other plans.

-Put him in a headlock and fuck the shit out of him! Be as rough as you want. Pull his hair, force your finger down his throat, smack him like a common whore. He loves it. His eyes will roll to the back of his head in no time and drool will fall from his lips.

-He thanks you..... HE THANKS YOU LIKE A GOD ....I love it

- After a few rounds, Katsuki will collapse next to Eijiro, both of them having sheepish grins on their fucked out faces. All you can do is stare in exhaustion at the sight. It really is beautiful

Yes....just yes

[potatothots]

This Coffee is Gonna be Good

02.26.2023

Genre: Comedy

Rating: Teen, for some minor language and a tiny bit of angst themed

Pairings: bucky x reader, nat x reader (platonic)

Warnings: it's waaay to cute for it to have come from my brain. No cheating, no nothing like that. Just fluff and a stupid lie. Also, the game "Among Us." If you don't know that game then what are you even doing? It's so much fun. Go play and piss people off. ;)

Summary: Bucky is a liar. You're tired of keeping up with it. 

Bucky knows technology*. You know this, he knows this. Why does no one else know? 

The question burns in your head as you stomp down the hallway to your room. It makes you mad how he's fooled everyone. It's even worse when you're forced to run an errand during work hours to give him a message. It doesn't matter if you work in the same building you live in - he should have the common decency to at least admit to having fundamental knowledge so people stop using you as his messenger. 

You're his girlfriend, not a carrier pigeon! 

You slam open your door. You're greeted by the sight of Bucky laughing his tight little ass off. His personal laptop in his lap, the best/worst game ever made called "Among Us" open on the screen. He has the audacity to look sheepish when he glances over at you. 

"Hey, doll. Off work early?"

You look from him to the coffee table and see his dumb, prehistoric flip phone laying there. 

"Explain to me how no one realizes you can use technology perfectly fine?" You snap at him as you close the door harder than needed. 

He raises an eyebrow in question before looking down at the offending items. 

"I just, you know - "

You cut him off before he could continue with his stupid reasoning. "Don't start with the shit, James Buchanan Barnes. I know what you do. I both saw and heard you agree with Steve when he said modern technology is so confusing."

He shoots in a quick "But it is!" 

"You play Among Us! On your own laptop! You begged me to get for you under my own name but with all your stupid customizations. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, James Buchanan Barnes." 

He opens his mouth again, but you point a finger at him. "No. There is no excuse. You have a laptop, a pc, a fucking smartphone, a smart car, and yet you have the audacity, the nerve, to complain texting is too hard for you?"

"My thumbs are too big and my arm -"

"No excuses! You have a stylus! The screen can pick up your fingers thanks to help from Suri! Who, by the way, you've also fooled. Ayo seems to be the only person, besides me, who knows your tech obsession. 

"Like, how did you fool Tony? The stuff is mostly his tech! And Natasha? She sent me on this little errand because she's tired of garbled texts and you never messaging or calling her back."

His mouth opens and closes, then he shrugs. Bucky lets out a sigh through his nose. "I just hate the idea of people knowing everything. I hate social media. I only go on it to see you guys." 

He pauses so he can close his laptop and set it on the coffee table. 

"I love you so much. The thought of Hydra, or something else, fucking us over again gives me panic attacks. You know this, babe. You know why I ask for everything to be made a certain way. 

"I mean, I can barely eat comfortably at new places or change my room around. I need security, even if that means using the flip phone you don't even know how to text from."

You glared at him as he smirked at that truth. Those phones sucked. The last time you used one was…decades ago. Your job was current technology, not archaic bricks. 

"Fine. But, you need to get a hold of Nat."

He nodded. "I will." 

You looked him up and down, then turned to leave. 

"Don't I get a hug?"

"No. I'm working. You owe me a coffee for this." 

You open the door. Natasha is leaning against the wall. She gives you her signature sly smile. You wink. 

"I'll buy you two coffees for a hug. Three for a kiss? Look, I got the app up, let me know what you want…" Bucky's voice trails away when he walks out of his room after you. "Oh, shit."

"Barnes." Natasha crosses her arms, glaring at him. 

"I expect a coffee on my desk in an hour. You know what I like." You smirk at your boyfriend as you speak. "It's in the app you love to use."

He looks over a highly angry Nat's shoulder at you. It reminds you of a lost puppy. You wave to him before you turn and leave, your steps a little lighter now as you hear your friend chew out the former Winter Soldier. 

You can't wait for that coffee.

*I am under the belief that he knows how to use technology of nearly all types. Fight me. *

WHAT DOES GOOGLE SAY, BUCKET BARNIES BOI?? HUH?

[crimeronan]

re: your empathy posts. As someone who probably has higher than normal empathy (I used to ask people around me how they deal with sympathetic distress in common situations that occur in a job and only got blank stares) you're so valid!! The lionizing of this random subconscious process called empathy is so useless! It says nothing about the person and their values! As your other commenters suggested, people disparaging you may just be trying to boost their own shaky feelings about how their own emotional stability is deeply tied to their people-pleasing tendencies.

If anything, I think learning to function "normally" in society with "empathy" makes you more messed up. I understand this person's distress. I acknowledge it, and know how my actions will make it worse. I make them feel worse anyway, because that's the organizationally approved behavior, causing more pain for both them and myself. All the while I must behave as if I am cheerful and unbothered. Internalizing that hurting others and yourself to achieve your goals is Fine is necessary in order to stay sane. This is counter to everything people say they believe, so lying also has to become a virtue.

Buying kindness from the store seems like a really kind thing to do tbh. I am passing you on the street as I am schlupping over to pick up some callousness.

this last sentence made me giggle a lot. but YEAH!! a lot of this is spot-on to stuff i've been thinking about lately. like, "normal" empathy levels seem to be socially defined as "you care about people and want to help them, but you don't care so much that you'll harm yourself in pursuit of that" and it's all just..... i dunno. so much pathologizing of how we think and feel and whether we're Human (TM) about stuff. it's all so Weird

like..... i keep thinking that my lack of empathy gives me certain advantages in social situations. but in a similar vein to the ppl worried about sounding like tiktok empaths for being hyperempathetic, i worry that this makes me sound like an alpha male influencer writing youtube essays about why emotions make you weak, or whatever.

it's not that emotions make people weak or that having less empathy makes me like, a Cold Logical Calculating Math-Loving Strategist. i'm a writer who focuses solely on character-driven stuff, u probably wouldn't expect that from a stereotypically sociopathic person. part of why i LIKE writing character-driven stuff so much is BECAUSE i've had to actively teach myself how other people think, how they feel, how they struggle, etc

a lack of empathy means i can choose not to get invested in other people's feelings or lives, i don't feel guilty for emotionally disconnecting, i'm not afraid of being disliked. but i still know how to act like a decent human being. there's that one post about how stupid it is not to realize being nice gets people to be nice back, and fuckin. YEAH!! it's astonishing to me to read about cases of """clinical sociopaths""" (who are just people who didn't get the 'pretend you give a shit, moron' memo) manipulating and gaslighting people and whatnot. everyone in the comments will always be like "ooo so scary... they didn't feel bad at ALL... so terrifying that people who don't feel guilt exist..." and i'm like.

IS GUILT THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU FROM COMMITTING ATROCITIES???

BLOWS MY MIND. IT'S LIKE..... THE LEFTIST EQUIVALENT OF SAYING EVERYONE WOULD BE MURDERERS IF THEY WERENT SCARED OF GOD. LIKE. YOU ONLY AVOID DOING BAD STUFF BC IT MAKES YOU FEEL BAD??????

good LORD. at least having no empathy means i've had to grow my principles organically. oh my GOD.

anyway what brought these thoughts up today was that i was thinking about gansey and luz noceda, since theyre extremely similar characters & on my All Time Faves list. and i've said this before but the things i love about them (the kindness, self-sacrificing shit, anxiety, etc) are things i don't see in myself. but Wish I Did. like i wish i was kinder on the inside than i am.

but i know that i admire ppl with luz and gansey traits both in fiction and in real life. so i simply just..... emulate the luz and gansey actions. not always successfully, esp because i have a temper and very little patience, but like. i try to be kind where i can bc i wish i was someone who tries to be kind when they can. so i'm just going to be. u know??

[mikuni14]

Bake Me Please - Ep 5

Bake Me Please is probably the first BL series I've ever seen that has such irritating characters and an irritating plot, but where the irritation comes from how much the series feels REAL and therefore is annoying af as the rl usually is, and not because I just find it annoying personally. For example, I feel a completely different irritation when watching Pit Babe than I do when I watch Bake Me Please, the main difference is that Bake Me Please makes me LOVE being annoyed, I am invested in this stupidity, instead of being tired by it 😄

I literally know such stories from real life, I know people like Peach and Shin. I've seen their situation in rl. In a separate post, I wrote about how Shin is not boyfriend material. Really, the more I think about it, the more I become convinced that Shin REALLY should undergo therapy and lessons in controlling himself, his anger and his reflexes. And most of all, learning that not everything is ABOUT HIM, that people make decisions not thinking about HIM, and that not everyone around him is his open or hidden enemy, and that sometimes things just turn out that way. At this point, Shin is a person who is not suitable for starting a relationship, because even if Shin and Peach were to reconcile now and start over, the next time things will go not to Shin's liking, he will react exactly the same.

There's also the matter of Shin's malice and his complete lack of qualms about actively hurting Peach. The scene when Peach cries and Shin, instead of coming to his senses, doubles down on his cruelty was very telling. I understand the anger (though honestly, Shin acts like Peach did something really, REALLY bad), but that moment when you look at the person you technically love, and they stand in front of you, heartbroken and in tears, and your heart hardens at that view, instead of going soft, or worse! your heart softens but your pride does not allow you to make a gesture of comfort - because after all this person is suffering - something is very wrong here.

Peach is really unlucky in love 😩 (it must be a really bad karma, Tharn with his thriving romance is a lucky one here lol), Shin is not suitable for a relationship, and Guy, as it turns out, also uses manipulation and ugly tricks to get Peach. Moreover, seeing Peach devastated, Guy doesn't think about him either, he just tries to push his own agenda. Likewise, I can't stand his constant accusation of Shin of "taking everything from him, professionally and personally." Thus, he denies Shin from simply being good at his job, and also denies Peach his own choice. Guy, by snitching on Peach to Shin and creating a conflict between them and accusing Shin of taking Peach away from him (wtf???), really treats Peach as someone without his own mind and free will, capable of making his own, even bad, choices.

That's why I'm shipping Peach with the boss of the other bakery, I think his name is Per, who seems to be the most sensible guy in this series (next to Atom) 😎

I also really like Per's final blow, which is: why is everyone running away from your workplace? Because you can really see the difference in the working atmosphere in both bakeries. I have to ask: if Shin's bakery hadn't made it to the finals, would they also throw a party, as they did at his bakery?

As far as I can tell, there are only, um, three? series about workplace romances this year, that weren't a complete disasters. Bake Me Please is not one of them, regardless of what the finale will show 😀

(the only good, positive relationships in this series are the brothers' relationship and Peach's relationship with his grandmother)

[these-detestable-hands]

Truly an Ask Game Tuesday.

1, 7, 8, 14, 16, 18, 25

Honestly, just answer them slowly and when you have time. These are your fan mails. You don't reply to ALL of your fan mails in one go!

Yippee I love answering questions as soon as I get them.

1. The character everyone gets wrong

Valter from fe8. Listen. I know he acts vile and Riev directly says he has raped women and it's heavily implied Valter wants to rape Eirika but please hear me out.

Valter acts like this because of the cursed lance. This isn't a story of a cruel man who hurts others for fun, it's a story of a man who fell victim to a curse. In the Duessel and Cormag A support, they say the lange only corrupts those who are already bad people and I think this is stupid cause:

A. I don't really believe in good or bad people, only good and bad actions so it doesn't make much sense that it would affect Valter but not Cormag, but whatever I guess.

B. They say Valter was always evil and the lance just made him worse but that's not giving him credit for how he was before. Maybe he had violent urges to kill and rape before, but it means he did a good job of controlling himself and not letting it show. Maybe he felt guilty that he had those urges, maybe it was something he was actively working on, only for the cursed lance to ruin all his progress.

Valter has the opportunity to be an incredibly deep and fun character but it's completely ignored because IS did not choose to flesh him out and so the fandom takes his character at face value!! I think a sacred stones remake would be good because it would allow them to flesh out Valter (and the other generals) more and he really needs it. He's such an important villain but he's treated like crap by both the devs and fandom!!!

7. What character do you hate, not because of canon, but because of the fandom?

Kahaku probably. I mean I already didn't like him very much but the fandom is infuriating. He's strange and does bad things and hurts Fushi's loved ones but people just ignore that for the sake of shipping :/

8. Common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

The spy x family manga has a good balance of showing all three protagonists equally because they're equally important (though there's a little extra attention given to Twilight because he's the protagonist protagonist) but the anime gives way too much attention to Yor and Anya and the fandom doesn't like Twilight very much so people are happy about this. It sucks because beyond being a comedy, spy x family has an amazing story but the anime reduces it to silly Yor and Anya shenanigans so there's NONE of the espionage and fictional politics that I signed up for.

14. That one thing you see in fics all the time

I don't read much fanfiction actually and I'm very picky with what little I do read.

16. You can't understand why so many people like this thing

The canaries in dungeon meshi!!! Obviously Mithrun is amazing but we hardly see the others at all, I genuinely cannot fathom why people like them when we hardly have any idea of their personalities outside of daydream hour. I didn't even remember their names until I saw people constantly posting about them. It's also just a little upsetting cause of the one extremely sexualized brown woman :(

18. It's absolutely criminal the fandom has been sleeping on...

Honestly everything in witch hat atelier. The only characters people ever post about are Qifrey and Olruggio (as a ship) and Coco and Agott (also as a ship)

It's a good manga where the fandom is being lost to shipping. It just sucks. I wish people would actually give a crap about the story or the side characters but NOPE as always people are just shipping. Also side note Coco and Agott are 12 and Coco is dealing with the severe guilt of functionally killing her mom, now is NOT the time to be worrying about getting a gf.

25. Common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Ok so in ace attorney 4, the antagonist Kristoph has a really big secret but won't say what it is. He's executed before you can find out what it is. People hate this because it's annoying to not know but honestly I don't get it.

Kristoph is a very secretive and calculated killer, a lot like Cylira or Benedict (if Benedict killed people) and it makes perfect sense for him to never confess whatever secret he had. I like that he dies and we don't know what it was, it fits for his character.

[fancyfade]

I got into DC recently and latched onto Talia like a baby duckling. Like even before I fully understood her as a character I was ready to fight for her honor, which is when ran into your blog on her tag.

The Talia brainrot has been really rotting my brain SO you got anything Talia related? Arcs you wish were explored. If you were put in charge of a Talia run what would it be? Outfits you saw, or made up, that you think she would rock? Do you know any other blogs that are normal (as in they know Talia's OG characterization) about Talia? HCs? Your bio says you like Star Wars, so what Star Wars character do you think she would be friends with? (I think she would be friends with Satine Kryze) Who do you think she would despise? Do you think she would be a Jedi? If so what era do you think she would thrive in? What's her favorite Shakespeare play? Do you think she would have a favorite quote from him? (I think it would be Beatrice's "I will eat his heart in the marketplace" from Much Ado. Beatrice's relationship with Hero is so personal to me and I definitely think that's the type of cousin/ older sister Talia would be). Something DC brought up once about Talia, but you think it should be explored more (WHO IS AMALA DC??? WHAT IS HER FRIENDSHIP WITH TALIA TELL ME MORE).

Oh most importantly: How do you deal with comics that completely screw her up? I'm reading Tomasi's Batman and Robin and GOD I barely get through the beginning of Vol 2, and I know there are comics that do worse with her. So I know I can't just drop comics that do a nasty job with her because then I should just quit Batfam comics in general and try some other fam and I have NO idea where to start with that and ugh.

Just anything about Talia.

Also, I know I typed a lot and if you don't want to answer some of them that is 100% fine! Or if you want to answer them in parts across different posts. I just need more with her.

hmmm so talia arcs i would like to see

well probably b/c i am just re-reading lexcorp, but i would like a more satisfying end to president lex stuff and lexcorp talia. I feel like he just kind of grabs the idiot ball, unless I am remembering the end to this saga wrong. like IIRC it was due to him being stupid in batman/superman and not any of the people trying to take him down... which is SUCH a shame b/c a story of talia teaming up with the superman characters and helping them take down lex could be so interesting. like. we saw talia feed calvin carson info to get him to go to the press about lex. we saw clark go undercover* to try to find some dirt on lex after lex covered up his crimes. lois got a lot of dirt on lex he conveniently made disappear about his involvement in OWAW . i want to see this all come together in a satisfying way!!

for star wars, I think Satele Shan (from SWTOR era) interacting with Talia could be very cool! both in I just think both characters are neat, but also for some interesting mother son parallelisms and contrasts. Talia initially wants Damian but then realizes she has to give him up to avoid him being raised in the league and to protect him from his parents possibly dying on him, Satele I don't think we see a ton of reason why she gives up Theron, but in general I viewed her as a character who did not want to be a mother, and she knew that she couldn't be theron's mother while still fulfilling all her obligations to the Jedi and fighting the sith, and that's OK (Fandom hates this). I think seeing them interact and team up to stop a bigger threat could be cool.

Also would be cool: To see Talia interacting with Imperial Agent's crew (again SWTOR :P). Talia in her lexcorp era often feels very much like she'd fit in with the vibes they are going for in that story, which is that no one really trusts anyone completely, or in many cases at all. A lot of her time in Lexcorp she has no allies and has to play all her cards very close to her chest as she's dealing w/ very dangerous people. especially if you go with defector-imperial agent (who defects in chapter 2 to... that guy who's name i forget since it's been a very long time since I played swtor IA. ardun?). B/c my understanding of defector IA (I've never played it b/c Aereinys is too mad to consider it, even tho she also hates the empire at that point) would, being a double agent appearing to work for the empire and having to pull off missions successfully for them to stay useful, routinely work against people who otherwise would be on her side, while working for people she finds morally repugnant.

For Jedi stuff I think Talia would want to be one of those chill nerdy Jedi who meditate and study. But if we go with her in canon plotlines a Jedi Shadow would work well :P

I don't read much shakespeare so I can't say much for what her favorite Shakespeare play would be. if we're going w/ Talia + literature appreciation, I can see her liking Hombre Pequeñito (link) which is admittedly a short poem and not a play but :P

For dealing with comics that completely screw her up: I honestly just write my own headcanon stuff and that's my canon now. It is helped a little by the fact that new 52 created a big break in my mental continuity, b/c they messed up so many characters I care about (Babs, Cass, Jaime), so all of DC from 2011 til now is very much "I do what I want". So there is stuff to re-write but less stuff.

I got my own fanfic (link) for how pre-Morrison Talia can meet Damian, and that's what I hang my mental canons on for them.

I do know that people who are reading Ram V's TEC run say it's got pretty good Talia, I haven't read it yet but hopefully they're getting her back on the right track.

for other blogs that are good about talia u might find some in my talia al ghul tag (link)... there are a lot of good blogs tho. @brucetalias, @immortaldino, @fluffykitty149, and @arellas are often who I think of for the Talia fans!

*for like 1 issue ;_;

[dogfags]

blah blah journaling here bc my laptop still don't work

this week has been super stressful but my car is finally working again and it didn't cost as much as I thought. Chris and I had a little trial run of us living together bc he had to stay for a week to drive me around everywhere (bless him). praying he gets this job he just interviewed for so he can move in asap. and yes I have hangups about moving in with yet another partner after not dating for a total year but like 😭 dude idk how anybody can afford to live on their own. me and Tara can't make rent with just the 2 of us and it'd be really nice to be able to save some money. and after my car broke down I for sure couldn't afford to split the house bills 50/50. it was Tara's idea to invite Chris otherwise I never would have suggested it. and we both have our weird feelings and fears about it, to a healthy degree I'd say. I mean idk. my attitude rn is kinda like, I think I've already been through the worst it could possibly get with moving in with a partner? like there's no way it could be worse than That, even if we do break up. we have our own separate spaces also which was the only saving grace me and my ex had after we broke up so that's good. but I also just don't rly see things going so poorly. I mean idk. u never rly know somebody. but Chris just SEEMS different and has actually told me he wants to marry me and be with me forever etc. he is a more open and honest communicator than anyone else I've ever dated. won't be like my ex where he went off and binged a bunch of drugs then lied to me about it, bought a gun and brought it into our house, cheated on me, broke up w me then threatened me with suicide when I decided to move on. like actually fucking crazy person type shit. I can't believe I put up with so much in my last relationship. literally a nightmare. and I can't believe ppl were blaming ME for all that shit 😭 idfk dude. I'm so glad to be out of that situation and living my life now. as stressful as it is rn with school and work I'm still so much better off than I was. Chris is actually a huge sweetheart and shows me affection and loves me in the ways I need to be. and spends time with me. and talks to me lol. like I'm Sorry but after talking over all this with my therapist for so long I've kinda come to the conclusion that none of that shit was my fault. it sucks that some ppl got caught in the crossfire but again it wasn't my fault. I'll take ownership of going back on my word by sleeping w somebody at the house. that was shitty but also? maybe don't cheat on me and lie to me the entire relationship and I'd actually gaf 😭 he got his stupid little "revenge" for that anyway lmfao. I just fr cannot believe the shit I've been through with the awful awful people I've dated.

in an ideal world Chris and I could live on our own for a bit before we move in together but the job market is fucked, the housing market is fucked, and neither of us could rly afford to do that. sooo we just gunna have to move in together. and I was rly reluctant at first but everyone I've talked to has been super in support of it bc he's just such a good guy. plus we've been friends for a few years anyway so it's not like I started dating this stranger then he moved in. we used to talk semi regularly in college. would have hung out if I ever had time.

for a second I was worried I'm like, a bad person who does horrible things and I Have made bad choices don't get me wrong but like. I'm not evil or irredeemable. I have all these friends now who actually love me?? and I made them myself? wild. also quite literally everyone I've talked to about the past events have been like ya dude ur a victim 😭 I feel more guilty about the shit that happened w Friday than I do w my recent ex. bc some of that was objectively my fault bc I was in such a horrible manic episode I was acting crazy. they did kinda SA me but like. idk man. I'm insane sometimes.

the whole thing with that friend saying that "my stress is not their problem" kinda just. idk. idk if we will ever rly be close again. they kind of refused to apologize for anything they said to me or for screwing me over in housing. plus all the shitty posts they made about me. like idk. we talked it over irl and like kinda made up? but I still don't think she ever even said she's sorry lol. and for months I blamed myself for my ex being suicidal bc of all that. until my therapist and I went over it again and again and I've kinda just realized none of that was rly my fault. if anything staying with my ex after the first incident was my mistake. but I felt rly trapped bc we lived together. that's what is so hard about living with a partner especially when you haven't been with them super long. like idk. I have a good feeling abt Chris. I genuinely do want to spend my life with him. I never rly felt that way abt my ex. even when they were moving in I was like ya this is fine/fun for now. but I never felt like my ex was my soulmate or anything. not that I rly believe in that shit. but Chris and I just connect and get each other on a different level. it's the first time I've ever rly felt truly understood by someone.

the things I feel guilty for are more like, I feel guilty for staying with the people who hurt me even after I've already accepted in my mind that they aren't the one. and I do that bc I'm scared of being alone and scared of confronting myself and the reality that it's not a perfect love story or whatever. and my ex did try to fucking. reel me back in after we broke up and keep me there but not fully there. but I removed him from my life after I had had enough and I am proud of myself for that. I don't need someone like that in my life, even as a friend. wishing the best for u but I don't want to be there to see it. after Friday SAd me I should have just ended it but again I stayed bc I was scared. and what I feel most shame for is manically scrounging up a plan to break up without actually breaking up and then making a fool of myself by "proposing" like God that's just so embarrassing lol. but idk like my therapist said I can't fully blame myself for the decisions I make when I'm in a manic episode bc that's just straight up Not Me. like part of the diagnostic criteria for a manic episode is making choices you would not otherwise make. I'm not crazy. I was just deeply traumatized and triggered and couldn't find a way out of it. then ofc they tried to screw me over in every way possible. I make bad choices in people I date. and I look back and I'm like, but if I'm the common denominator of all these people I dated, aren't I the shitty one?? like surely I pushed these people to madness right lol like they weren't bad people they just became corrupted bc I forced them into craziness. idkkkk my therapist also says I can't look at it like that. and that people with lifelong CPTSD often end up in abusive relationships bc of trauma and patterns and shit. so. there's that

while I am wary of possibly repeating my shitty patterns I also just have a good feeling about Chris. I'm at a point in my life where I'm done dating "for fun" like I actually want to find someone to spend my life with now. and I think he could be it. like idk people are like "when u know u know" and I just Know with him. he's such a good person, basically everything I've ever wanted out of a partner. he's smart as fuck and creative and interesting and sweet and loves my friends and has a lot of his own friends and we have similar ways of thinking and want the same things out of life. same lifestyles and same plans for our futures. he's highly emotionally intelligent and I feel like he'd never lie to me. I can trust him. he's always there for me. he's very helpful and never complains about helping me. he helps without even being asked. like mans fr just did our dishes. and I KNOW THE BAR IS IN HELL but fr lmao. I was a little apprehensive at first about dating, and I'm a little apprehensive about moving in together, but my gut says this is right and will help us both out a lot financially. and emotionally tbh.

so yea those are my updates. hopefully he gets this job and then can move in in September. and then I just have 6 months of school left. it feels like I have to grind forever for the rest of my life but it won't be forever. I just gotta get through this and it'll all be worth it. blaaaghdjdnns

[beevean]

Let's do this: top 10 most hated NFCV characters counting both shows

As a bonus, if you're willing to: top 10 worst episodes

I think I did a top 5 worst characters for both shows but I can do it again :P

11) Drolta. She doesn't do anything egregious, in fact she's kind of tolerable, but she stole Isaac's drip. And for that, I will forever be salty :) (also yeah I couldn't decide for #10 so I added one, whatcha gonna do about it)

10) Sumi and Taka. Ah yes, these two Japanese people who look identical are most assuredly not related, they are just Japanese! Aside from that, they are the emblem of S3's utter failure: they add nothing of importance except for a gratuituous (and OOC) rape scene that is supposed to send the message "humans suck, trusting is for fools"... that in on itself doesn't change a thing, because Alucard is fine afterwards. But hey, you got your bi rep! Aren't you happy with this show's representation? :)

9) Emmanuel. This guy is just stupid. Just because you lampshade how absurd it is to ally yourself with vampires because you think the Revolution is "godless", it doesn't make it any less absurd. We're still at this level of shallow, childish CHURCH BAD.

8) Sypha. You're not cute when you insult Trevor. Stop it. I remembered her being nicer than she actually was :( during the rewatch she was painful, constantly complaining, defending Alucard from Trevor rather than the other way around (but still ditching him when he needed company because yay adventures!!!), and acting bossily with her bf because that's the only kind of character they can write here. Also she's OP af and that's not fun.

7) Maria. Does she even have a personality beyond stereotypical Twitter communist teen? Good god girl shut up you are nothing more than useless backdrop!

6) Carmilla. In theory, she could be an interesting unapologetic female villain who reacted to her trauma with rage rather than sorrow, a female Dracula but even pettier. In practice, she is the parody of a radfem written by a man with zero respect for women, so you can imagine that she isn't exactly nuanced. I hate that Dracula and his boytoys were made to be absolute dumbasses for her to win, only for her to conclude effectively nothing. villain.exe

5) Alucard. You absolute cunt. Am I supposed to like, or worse being attracted to, this piece of shit who spends his time insulting Trevor and treating him like dog shit under his shoe? He has zero of the effortless charm of the real Alucard, but I'm supposed to root for him because he's hot when he cries all boobily. Fuck off with your disingenous fanservice. (also his design is atrocious and the artstyle doesn't flatter him at all)

4) Erzsébet. Literally an OC made by a 5 yo. Look at her! She's so cool and special! She's older than Dracula, stronger than Dracula, more evil than Dracula, more dangerous than Dracula, and she turns into an invincible Sun Thundercat! Yeah good job, but you forgot to give her a personality.

3) Annette. She is not a character. She is nothing more than accurately engineered discourse bait. I refuse to acknowledge this shallow attempt at "badass representation" that I am supposed to like on the sole basis of her race and gender. I am so tired of Stronk Women that are actually giant assholes, all flash and no substance.

2) Isaac. I will concede that he has the most coherent character arc of all characters, but aside from that, he pisses me off something fierce for how overrated he is. Forgettable design, pretentious as fuck, spouting faux-philosophical quotes to hide how petty he is, basically a jihadist in S3, wakes up one day in S4 and suddenly he's Muslim Jesus, disgustingly OP because the narrative finds every way to suck his shiny dick... and his amazing arc that everyone praises him for, the thing that makes him "better than that stupid gay joker from CoD"? It's just a worse version of Hector's from the mangas, which left him Hector here with no arc to speak of. Get him out of my sight.

1) Lenore. Her concept is great. She is an intriguing foil to both Carmilla and Hector, and incarnates an unique type of villainy: she is amoral, kind for her own selfish purposes, with understandable goals but willing to do anything to achieve them. I want to like her. Too bad she is a disgusting, repulsive, inconsistent, bratty rapist that I am supposed to feel sorry for because oh, she's not so bad after all :) she did everything for Hector's own good :) she's not actually evil :) she deserved to smooch the man she raped into slavery, don't you feel bad that she sunned herself like a selfish coward :) Lenore begs to be rewritten by someone who doesn't jerk off to abusive dommy mommies, but in her canon state, she makes me ill.

Now for the episodes :P

10) The Great Work (S4E7): I never watched it because it's boring as shit, which speaks of the terrible pacing of this show and especially S4. I know it has the infamous "vampires dislike crosses because their vision is fucked up" scene lmao

9) The River (S2E6): It's the episode where the zombie bishop resurrected by a dark necromancer who is now working for a vampire with plans of enslaving mankind is apparently favored by God to the point of being able to bless water. Do I need to say more? Well, it's also the episode where the heroes suddenly remember they are supposed to do shit and hack into Dracula's castle, and the episode that fully cements Dracula as an ineffectual pathetic antagonist easily manipulable by the real villain, no I don't care that he's kinda cool in For Love. (at least the scene with Carmilla avoiding the river and the castle is fun to watch)

8) Bless Your Dead Little Hearts (S3E1): The beginning of Alucard's and Trepha's plotlines, two utter mindnumbing wastes of time, and Hector's plotline, which is the show beating me over the head with a nail bat while screeching "LOOK HOW PATHETIC HECTOR IS! LOOK AT THIS PITIFUL WET CAT! LOOK AT HIM COWERING NAKED IN A CELL EATING MOLDY BREAD! FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!". Just unpleasant for all sorts of reasons.

7) It's Been A Strange Ride (S4E10): Trevor miraculously survives Death! Alucard is happy to live with his new bossy gf as if nothing ever happened! Lenore suns herself just for a final kick in the balls to Hector, whose character will forever be remembered as "useless simp"! And most importantly, Dracula and Lisa get to live again as if the dude didn't just try to exterminate mankind, and they will have endless kinky sex until she dies while Alucard will forever mourn his parents but no one gives a shit about that because we love to piss on the games! :D

6) Old Homes (S2E2): It has the double combo "Alucard being the biggest moistest cunt to Trevor while we're supposed to laugh at this hilarious banter" and "Carmilla girlbossily girlbosses all over Dracula who can't even punish this vampire who insults his wife in front of everyone, establishing herself as the cooler villain"! Joy!

5) The Good Dream (S3E6): "Walkies! :D"

4) Back In The World (S4E5): It's the one with the infamous "Oh, shush, you were having fun" :) and all the Lenore apologism that follows :)

3) You Don't Deserve My Blood (S4E6): I get it. Isaac is Jesus and I should drop to my knees to suck his entire dick. Good thing this is his last appearance. Other than that, this episode is the last nail in the coffin for what was left of Hector's character, who is revealed to have been working to resurrect Dracula (a complete spit in the face to everything he stood for in S2) and also chooses to stay with his rapist instead of seeking true freedom.

2/1) The Harvest (S3E9)/Abandon All Hope (S3E10): It's hard to separate the two, and I wouldn't know which one is worse. The Harvest is infamous for being half boring fight scenes, and half "hot" sex scenes that are actually rape by deception: the entire episode is simply uncomfortable to sit through, not helped by the shoddy editing. Abandon All Hope is the season finally dropping its final message: "the world sucks, and you will be betrayed". Everyone except babyboy Isaac is left traumatized and cynical because we are so fucking edgy, we are just like Berserk fr fr. And, of course, in retrospect, Alucard and Hector's endings piss me off even more as all of their pain was for fucking nothing :)

(Nocturne is completely forgettable and doesn't reach the peaks of NFCV so it deserves its own ranking)

[57sfinest]

i’d love to know your thoughts on jean and harry especially in relation to both of them being disabled, especially bc the second tribunal sees jean as a mouthpiece for the ableism inherent in the rcm

YESS JEAN'S DOUBLE STANDARDS HERE. IT'S SOMETHING I THINK ABOUT A LOT.

my perspective on the way he treats harry in the ending is that it's 50% genuine ableism and 50% him just saying the nastiest things he possibly can because he feels rejected and is now just trying to hurt harry to get even.

wrt the ableism like... even if jean didn't start off so actively ableist, his job + going through constant bullshit definitely made it a lot worse. unfortunately i don't think jean had much, if any, sympathy for any of harry's symptoms that he hadn't also personally experienced. if harry was just acting depressed, jean would be like "damn me too" and they'd drink about it or whatever, but when harry gets to the point of not even functioning, jean gets judgmental. his perspective is basically "i'm depressed too but *i* can get my shit together, what's your fucking excuse?"

nevermind the fact that harry clearly has a lot more than only depression going on. to jean that's not even a consideration. he's fed up with harry and his "uselessness" aka his Symptoms. jean's just like well i have Symptoms too but i can get over myself, unlike you. clearly this is because you are insane and lazy and beyond hope and stupid and you hate me personally and want me to die, and not because you are laying facedown at the intersection of like 7 mental illnesses as well as multiple physical disabilities. and i am diving headfirst into this mentality and not even TRYING to be reasonable about it because i am angry with you for other, more justified reasons that i am unable to meaningfully address with you, so i'm going to settle for cheap shots at your various disabilities because it's tangible and easy and others will agree with me and validate my feelings about you, which is something you're not capable of doing.

[liminalpebble]

Eddie's Education: Chapter 13

Masterlist link

Minors DNI

Chapter 13

Leia fixated on the sound of her heels clicking against the linoleum as she followed Dr. Ferguson, trying to distract herself from the fear stoking in her belly, and igniting her brain. She wasn't sure what she was in for as the older man turned and shut his door, but she had a pretty good guess. He said curtly, “Please, have a seat.”

She was waiting to see if he would sit as well, and only obliged when he did. She decided to speak first. In the last few months Leia had learned a thing or two about her worth, and she had a feeling she would shortly be called upon to advocate for it. She wanted the first strike. Eddie would want me to fight for myself, she thought, make him proud.

“May I ask what this is all about, Dr. Ferguson?”

He cleared his throat with a grumble, as if preparing to give a speech. “Well you see, Miss Vespero, I'm still concerned over the way you present yourself to your students.”

“Excuse me?” she responded, indignant, “I have done everything you asked...made every improvement. What exactly are you saying?”

“Well, your students reviewed you favorably. Your success rates are rather unusual to say the least.”

“I fail to see the problem.”

Dr. Ferguson huffed, speaking more slowly as if she were stupid. “I'm concerned, Miss Vespero, that you have been motivating your students through less than reputable means.”

“What exactly are you accusing me of?” she said with cold, controlled, fury.

He said, as if soothing a child, “No one is accusing you of anything. I'm...”

She cut him off. “No...no. You're insinuating, which is a good deal worse, especially for a young teacher in a vulnerable position. Accusations can be fought with evidence. And I promise you, sir, there is abundant evidence that I have acted beyond reproach in my duties here. If you insinuate, you can deny accusing me of anything and my hands would be tied. The damage to my reputation would already be done with no fair trial. So do not speak to me like a child. I fully understand what you're doing.”

Leia felt her voice rising and her hands began to shake with anger. Despite the assertive tone of her voice, she felt wobbly and was glad to be sitting down as her body surged with adrenaline. Her forcefulness was unprecedented and it slammed her with both a mental and physical shock.

Ferguson rebutted, “I saw you call Mr. Munson to congratulate him, I've seen him drive you like a taxi service to and from school. I've seen you hug your students on numerous occasions.” He leaned forward menacingly on his desk. “Do you mean to tell me that is appropriate conduct for a young lady such as yourself?”

Leia cringed at that last sentence. He was talking down to her as if she were a naughty teenager who broke curfew and it turned her stomach. “I personally called all of my students who passed the exam to congratulate them, as a courtesy. Dr. Thompson did the same. They deserve recognition for their hard work. And the crime of being transported to and from my place of employment? Sir, I don't own a car...on my salary, I certainly can't afford one. Mr. Munson has been kind enough to assist me in that regard, and frankly, how I carpool is none of your business. Your male employees do the same, sometimes also with students. Are they under investigation?”

Ferguson turned red, a clashing contrast to his puke-colored polyester shirt. He took on a drill sergeant's tone to match his buzz cut. “You are on very thin ice, Ms. Vespero. If you value your job here, which I might add, you are extremely fortunate to have at your age and with so little experience, I would straighten up and fly right!”

She felt nauseous at the idea of losing her job, a job in her field, a job she was good at, a job with students whom she respected when so many people didn't show them respect. Still she said, “Dr. Ferguson, if you attempt to fire me on groundless claims, whether it's insinuation or blatant accusation, you will find yourself on the receiving end of a discrimination lawsuit. Are you prepared for that?”

He pulled at the chain of his crucifix as if he suddenly felt unable to breathe. She noticed the pendant for the first time. The young teacher considered how, really, he's the one wearing something a lot more inappropriate to a public institution than she ever had. She tried to make her nervous swallow imperceptible. It was a bluff. No 23 year old adjunct professor could afford a lawyer like that. She could barely afford ramen noodles if it weren't for her job at the bar giving her just a little more money. Nonetheless, the bluff seemed to have it's intended affect. The dean was startled into a few huffing moments without offering a reply.

She bore into him with her hard, dark, eyes, daring him to speak and glad for his discomfort as he struggled to. “Alright, Miss Vespero. You'll finish out your year here as your contract says, since there is no evidence yet of a breach of protocol, but prepare yourself for a meeting with the board once this year is finished and it's time to renew said contract. We'll have to discuss if you are right for the future of this institution.”

She took a deep breath but refused to break eye contact, saying as neutrally as possible, “Is that all?”

“That's all Miss Vespero. You're dismissed,” he said, and she grimaced as she stormed out of his office, chaffing at being dismissed like a high school student rather than a colleague.

-----

Later that evening, Leia's phone rang. Startled, she slid the bottle of Jack Daniel's and the tumbler of ice away from where they blocked the device, and stared down at the caller ID. She didn't get many phone calls and she didn't like to get them. It wasn't a number she recognized, which at least meant it wasn't Ferguson, so she shrugged and picked up the receiver. Taking a fortifying breath, she readied herself to perform her best impression of a sober person.

“Hello?”

“Hello there,” said that sweet voice, which always seemed paradoxically shy and cocky at the same time.

She smiled. “Hey, Eddie.”

“Sorry to call your at home...I just...I know you never gave me your number, but it was in the staff directory.”

“Don't worry about it! That's fine! It's nice to hear your voice,” she said with an odd slur and crack in her timbre.

“Are...are you drunk?” Eddie asked with a breathy chuckle.

“Maybe a little. What's up?” she asked, trying to divert and hoping he wouldn't ask what had her drinking herself into oblivion tonight.

“Ha. Well, you might want to save it for tomorrow night. We all get trashed every Halloween party, working or not. Two days of hangovers might not be the most fun.”

“I'm fine, Eddie,” she said in a soft voice, hoping he would buy it. He didn't. But he could also tell she didn't want to talk about, and carried on.

“Anyway, I just wanted to really thank you for everything...better than I did when you called before. Sorry if I was being kind of rude or a dick or something. They guys were...well...you could probably hear them.”

She chuckled, but still nervously pinched at the fabric of her couch cushion. “Yeah, I heard them...but don't worry about it. I had to be little miss professional asshole too, with Ferguson breathing down my neck.”

Now Eddie laughed, amused by her drunken openness. “Jesus...Turd Ferguson's still being a dick to you? What is that man's fucking problem. It's not your fault everyone loves you.”

She scoffed. “You have no idea. He's really on the warpath...And...and...everyone doesn't 'love' me, Eddie. I'm just nice...sometimes a doormat, even,” she said, then let her head drop to the back of the couch, gaze meandering hazily around the ceiling.

“Negative, Princess Leia. I'm 100% sure that every guy you ever taught must be head over heels in love with you.” She was glad he couldn't see her turn red as she desperately sought a diversion. I'm too drunk for him to be this charming right now. I can't handle this, she mused internally.

“Uh...even Andy? I don't think I could marry him though, you know. I'd always come second to Miller High Life and the Marlboro man.”

Eddie giggled....giggled...big scary Eddie Munson giggled. And it made her heart flutter.

“I uh. I hate to bring the mood down, but I wanted to make sure Sam hasn't been sniffing around or causing any more trouble.”

Sam. Right. She'd been so worked up about this horrible meeting with Ferguson, she'd forgotten about Sam. Jesus, my life is a circus, she thought, rolling her eyes.

“Surprisingly no. I think maybe he felt inferior enough once he saw a hot metal....” she almost said, a hot metalhead with his ex. “Uh..a metalhead holding a broken beer bottle to his throat was intimidating enough for now to scare him off.”

Leia couldn't see the smile slowly spreading so wide across Eddie's hot face that it made the apples of his cheeks ache. He did a little jump up and down feeling giddy and drunk, himself. A hot metalhead. He thought to himself. He couldn't believe she thought he was hot. Ever since he got the call from the school office, the same verse of the same song of his desires had been pounding through his head like a skipping record. Ask her out. Ask her out. Ask her out. ASK HER OUT!!! Over and over and over again. Wayne, Dale, and Gareth had been yelling it to him as well all day. He'd been pacing and whispering it to himself repeatedly before he picked up the phone, like a devout zealot offering up the same frantic prayer as he worked up his courage, then dialed the number with shaking hands. She couldn't imagine how nervous he was.

He promised himself that once he passed he would ask her out. He reminded himself that this is why he called. He was determined to do it...and yet...hearing that there was some pain in her voice, something sticking like a thorn in her side that she wouldn't tell him gave him pause. Maybe she didn't need him to be her boyfriend right now (if she ever did want it). It sounded like right now she might need a friend a lot more, and what if he ruins their friendship? Eddie sighed. Deep down he knew what he was doing; rationalizing a reason to run, like he always did. He had been thinking so hard about all of this that he didn't realized he'd left Leia with several long moments of odd radio silence that she didn't exactly know what to do with.

She asked softly, “Eddie...did you zone out?”

“Yeah,” he said pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing at his face in frustration, “yeah, I did. Sorry sweetheart. I've just got a lot on my mind...you know? It sounds like you do to.”

“Yeah...that's an understatement,” she said morosely, and he could hear the clink of another drink being poured.

Eddie sat forward in his chair now, brows furrowed. “Leia, are you alright...I mean really. If you weren't you know you could talk to me right?”

Her eyes welled up and she bit her lip, trying not to sniff, but a tiny one escaped anyway. Eddie heard it. I want to Eddie. I want to tell you everything. I want to tell you how much I love you. I wish my life wasn't a mess with people like Ferguson and Sam here to ruin it.

Eddie has friends and family. He has a life here. Tomorrow is his favorite day of the year, his favorite gig, his favorite party, surrounded by all that love from everyone he cares about. How can I rain on that parade for this sweet odd incredible man? I'd just be a burden...lonely and sad...dragging him away from all these people he cares about. I can't take this man down in the quicksand with me, she thought, and she found herself making the decision she was so used to making; to keep the pain to herself and stay away.

And so they both fell back into old habits that they hoped so much to break. Now she was the one leaving Eddie with an awkward pregnant pause, full of everything she wished she could say. She sniffed and cleared her throat. “I um...well, it's just a little tough right now but I'll be alright Eddie, I promise. Please don't worry about me. I always land on my feet.” Then she forced a brightness into her voice, “Hey...please have lots of fun celebrating your GED. You've worked to so hard and you deserve some partying. And I'll be there tomorrow to celebrate with you in person, okay?”

Eddie's heart sunk with disappointment; disappointment with himself for not asking her out, disappointed that she still felt she had to hide her pain from him. But if she could fake not being heartbroken, so could he. He said in falsely-sunny voice, “Yeah! It'll be fun. Pick you up at 4?”

“That'd be great. Thanks, Eddie. Thank you for everything. You're amazing. Please never forget that or let anyone tell you differently.”

That part she meant. That part held a deep honesty that revived his heart a little and brought tears to his eyes. “Thanks, sweetheart. I'll see you then. Good night.”

“Good night, Eddie.”

@sunflowerdaydreamer

[formulapisces]

okay sorry this is close to a day late 😭😭 today has been non-stop sport so I haven't been able to spare much attention for other things 🥺

I know the feeling about getting burned out and giving up. for me I think it is a combo of the adhd and the metaphorical ghost of my mother habitually criticising me and they're both really hard to shake off :/ I'm honestly not sure how to get past it, but I'm trying to have more fun with learning this time around and trying to not have so much pressure on myself. doing it the other way didn't get me anywhere :/

being unwell during an exam sounds awful :( anxiety is even worse :/ I'm glad it worked out in the end though 🥺🥺🥺

🦇🩷🫂 (bat anon who will keep cheering you on)

oh i’m sorry i didn’t see this because (ironically) i was distracted… again. this one is more personal and is mostly just me rambling for paragraphs about how much free time i have and how i’ve been spending it.

i go on tangents about art styles, little hedgehogs, exams, and waiting lists. enjoy. 😂

the exams i missed were all multiples: i had 3 history exams and missed one, 2 physics exams and missed one, and 2 english language exams and missed one - that’s why i was able to pass because they used my averages. nobody thought i was going to pass, and i completely broke down when i got home on results day because i was told for the whole summer that i didn’t try hard enough and if i really cared i would have showed up but it isn’t that easy and people don’t understand that. i used to say it was because of a miracle that i passed, but now i’m saying it was because of me, and the effort i put in to everything else which i was able to do. 🙂🫂

i go through almost the exact same thing, so i relate to that 🫂🫂🫂. i get burned out because of adhd and then feel guilty i’m burned out, which only leads me to feeling even worse. i’ve been trying to do things just because they make me happy and just focusing on myself recently. i’m just doing my paintings and going on my walks 😅🫂. it’s really difficult because (using those exams as an example) i was completely burned out and unmotivated but i didn’t get any help from anybody, i was just criticised for it which made the situation even worse. that seems to be a pattern now, whether it’s somebody else giving the criticism or myself, so that’s what i’m trying to stop.

i’m letting myself take breaks and giving myself permission to heal, whether that looks like going on a 3 hour walk, or staying in bed and watching whatever youtube video will distract me or make me smile until i’m ready to face everything again, and both are just as good as eachother :)

i’ve forgotten to mention that i’m meant to be having an autism assessment, but the waiting list is so long. i was assessed as a child but they would just say no because i was shy. because of the fact that i can’t even stand to look at anybody because of anxiety and being uncomfortable until they mention one of my few interests, we* decided to agree to go through with it again. right now i feel like i’m just waiting for so many things, and i have so much time to myself and so much time to think - and that’s been good and bad. if i was doing something else right now i actually think i’d be in a lot worse of a place and i don’t regret taking the path i took, quitting my job, not continuing education, it lead to me talking to you and picking up painting again and going outside more. when i was in work, i felt so trapped and it made my already bad mental health worse. (we* = me and my last therapist)

i realise i’m rambling and i think the running theme throughout me rambling has been time, and giving yourself the time and permission to just live, to take an hour rambling on tumblr because it makes me feel better.

i also realised from having so much time to myself, and this might sound stupid, but you don’t have to accept the criticism. it’s obviously not easy and a lot easier said than done but i don’t need to accept criticism, i can and will do things i enjoy for myself. for example: when i used to draw i would do really ‘impressive’ detailed realism, only for my families validation, but i didn’t like it, i just liked that my family were seeing something i drew and i felt accepted because of that. now that i get the validation from myself, i’m doing what i love, which turns out to be watercolour landscapes and (spoiler alert) it is not detailed or ‘impressive’ but i like it. i like drawing funny looking little hedgehogs and bees and robins or whatever stupid thing makes me giggle. i like how therapeutic it is and that’s what matters :) id much prefer to sit by my window while it’s raining drawing things i love, instead of going grey at 13 because i cant draw eyelashes. 😅

this was just me writing anything which came to mind so i’m sorry it was such a mess, a lot of thoughts came to me all at once and i wanted to write them all out. thank you for reading this far, i really appreciate you reading everything i write back even if it is paragraphs of something i could have said in 2 sentences.

i’m always cheering you on too!!! i have no idea what i’d do if i didn’t have somebody who is always there for me, you’ve helped me so much, more than you would ever imagine. you’re so helpful and kind, i feel the love and i’m sending lots back for you 🫂🤍💜

[omegasmileyface]

Of All the People - Ch. 11

second to last chapter!! and the last journal chapter! the next one might take a bit to upload, so on our ao3 upload we promoted four fics that inspired the way we wrote this. here are those links! click through or check the end note on our ao3 upload for names and authors. as always, this was written by me and @attackradish and @ectolemonades for InvisoBang 2022, with chapter 1 art by @/toasty-ghosti!

whole fic summary: After a stupid dare puts Dash Baxter in the lab at Fentonworks during the middle of a ghost fight, he finds himself a little more spectral than usual. Apparently Danny Fenton’s gone through the same thing (someone has got to call OSHA on these guys eventually), and who could better help Dash than his hero? His lame, stubborn hero?

warnings: Nothing for this chapter! In others, existential crises, and Spectra.

words: 1981

AO3 link

first chapter

previous chapter

next chapter

===

November 21

Today in chemistry we had a lab and it was weird, cuz I wasn't with Star. Theirs no set partners in that class or anything but nobody switches up partners after the first lab. That would be stupid. But before class Star was talking to Foley about some part of the lab prep and they didn't want to stop the conversation so they paired up. It sucks that we had to re partner but Foley's usual partner was Danny so it could of been worse. Apparently hes still banned from the glass wear after he dropped everything in freshman year. Which was totally because he was still getting used to intangibility and thats really unfair. He's perfect at that now. Anyway, I had to hold all the equipment while he read the lab instrutions to me but it worked out fine. I'm glad I'm not dropping stuff like he was. I know he had way more times where he accidentally used his powers than I am (its hard enough to use them on purpose) but I think the training has also helped a lot. If we BOTH got banned we'd be screwed on the lab. It was pretty boring since I was just taking instructions and Danny's used to labs and shit so we ended up talking a lot. I got exited about Invasion Z 2: Redeath coming out this weekend and he kept agreeing with me. Turns out he likes movies too! Mostly sci fi and horror and stuff but hey, a good movies a good movie. He gave me some horror reccommendations and I don't usually like horror but I'm gonna try them. He's probably too busy but I think I'll ask if his friends wanna go see Redeath when it hits the theater.

===

November 22

The Red Huntress was in a ghost fight today. Like one where Phantom was there too. I havent seen her since Igot my powers but I don't think I've ever really thought about her before. I got to get up kinda close without her noticing me cuz Danny had her distracted and… she's so human. Like I mean obviously, she's human but I don't think I ever thought of her with that in mind. She's just kind of a superhero to me more than specificly a human that deals with ghosts. But up close I could hear what she was saying to Phantom and it was so different compared to the ghosts. It was all hate. It wasn't any challenges or competition or whatever mostly. She doesn't yell as much as when she started showing up and I feel like she's less trigger happy around Phantom now but she's still all personal and intense. I guess it just makes me wonder who she is. If she's human she's gotta have like a life and job when she isn't chasing ghosts and it was weird enough learning that it was the same with Phantom but Danny doesn't have a choice. This chick has to care a hell of a lot to keep doing this. What hapened that made her so invested in ghosts?

===

November 23

Me and Kwan and Star and Paulina were gonna go to Nasty Burger with Danny's gang after school today to make sure we are all on the same page about ghosts and everything. But Kwan wanted to bail, which I get. He's still on the football team and so I guess the free time I've got now minus training isn't the same for him. Then Paulina and Star both had family stuff come up. I guess Thanksgiving IS tomorow. So I just went alone but when I got there Manson and Foley had ditched too. That many people leaving is kinda suspiscious, except that I don't see why my friends would do that on purpose. Fenton's friends maybe. Nerds are weird like that. Danny decided to stay even after it was just me there. I mean, foods food. Since everybody else was missing we didn't really talk business, instead we just talked about whatever. Did you know Danny has piloted the space shuttle before??

===

November 24

Turns out the Red Huntress is Val. As in, Valerie Gray. Danny's known the whole time she's been doing the job and he acidentally let it slip when we were talking about having to fight humans. He forgot I didn't know. He felt really really bad about it so obviously I can't tell anybody but it almost feels like I should. Is she okay? I mean she's doing this but shes just a human and I know she did sports before but it's super not the same. Where did she even get all that tech? Did she make it herself? I guess probably not because she was never into techno stuff before but did I is that the kind of stuff she has to do? It's weird that she's in high school too, with how busy Danny is she must have it the same way. I don't know if her grades are worse or anything because I haven't really talked to her since her dad lost his job. None of us have. Since then she's really been fighting ghosts? Why is Why won't Why does she hate them so much? Fuck weve all been such assholes to her and we just forgot about it when we didn't see her as much. I can't invite her back into the group becase she'll find out I'm a ghost and probably try to kill me at school or something. Plus she doesn't even wanna come back I bet.

===

November 25

Lancer wants everybody to do a writing piece on some exhibit at Amity museum. Something about getting imersed in knowledge or whatever. A bunch of us went there after school today to find topics so we could ignore it on the weekend. They have this exibit on the moon landings and mars rovers and all that space robot stuff and apparently Danny hadn't been here since before they added that cuz when he saw it he looked like he found $100 lying on the ground. He was fucking thrilled and he started talking about stuff that wasn't even on the information posters. I'm thinkin he should have designed the thing! His eyes got all sparkly and I'm 100% sure his freckles were glowing like little stars. He was also clearly trying not to float?? Honest to god it was so cute… Anyway everyone else went away after a bit to look at other exibits but like didn't they want to hear what Danny was saying?? I did.

===

November 26

Ok I've been mostly staying out of ghost fights this whole time cuz I get that while I'm still training it's better for Danny if I stay out of his way. But today there was a fight with this ghost skeleton dude in a white suit (he was kinda familiar?? I dont remember any ghosts like that though. ghosts are weird like that) and he kept punching Phantom into the road and shit and it was brutal. So I joined in too at least make it a two on one fight. But there was a bit where Danny was on the ground resting (I think his arm got broken?! Does he have bones?? I mean I do right??? But maybe he doesn't cuz he's a litle different or whatever???) so the skeleton dude started going after me instead. That was scary but like it's what we're training for so I was sticking my ground ready to help out my hero. But he barely touched me before Da Phantom was just… back.

He tackled the skeleton ghost strait into the road and it made another crater. He backed up into the air and fired a perfect ecto-blast that broke up the asphalt more so it looked like gravel around the ghost. I think at that point the ghost had passed out but Phantom jerked his hand and put some kind of green layer around the guy. I guess it was like one of his sheilds but at a distance. Then he came over and got me, I never had time to move away, and he just picked me up and took me to the other side of the street like mom moves Pooky when he's in the way. I tried to get out so I could keep an eye on the ghost and make sure he didn't escape but Ph Danny wouldn't even give me any wiggle room. It was like he was made of iron. I felt that a couple times before when he's saved me from stuff but it's a lot less comforting when I'm trying to fight it. I saw that he was still somehow keeping that sheild up though so I guess I didn't need to escape any way. Man, he looked pissed… but I don't think it was at me. It at least didn't feel that way somehow. 

After that he went back and captured the guy without anoher word to him and he checked me over and told me to "be careful around people like that" and went home. He didn't look me in the eye since he moved me out of the way. Maybe that's good, becuz I don't know if its a ghost thing or what but there was something really heav paralys intense about him at that point. I don't know how I would of acted if we had made eye contact. Stupid, probably.

I've been thinking about it and if I'm gonna be honest I was scared. Part of it was that kinda electric air thing that comes with ghosts sometimes, the feeling that makes you go all still, but I've never gotten that kind of feeling from Phantom before. Still though like I said I don't think it was aimed at me. That must be some kind of ghost comunication like Danny was talking about that one time, and it was comunicated to me that it was for the other guy. And it pretty much went away after he got the ghost contained. Still. I guess that wasnt all of it.

I re I guess I realized around then that like he didn't have to put up with everything. Me being an asshole I mean. When he was in that fight, even though it was worse then usual and he was suffering for it, when he got mad he just kinda switched gears. Ended the battle. Like he was sick of it. It gave me the feeling that he was sort of playing around until he cared enough to really get engaged (but why would he do that? Why wouldn't he just take care of the figt in the first place??)

And I guess that makes sense! I've been looking at every fucking Phantom fight I can these last few years. He doesnt really lose and he's done some crazy shit before. Pauli and I started getting stats at one point, like it was fantasy football. Those are kinda outdated now but I've seen a little stuff like that during trainings too and it's not like hes stagnated. He's crazy strong even compared to other ghosts and I guess I knew that but. I never really thought about what that meant for me. It's got me thinkin back to the times I was bullying him, after he became Phantom. A couple times he said "he didn't have time for this" and stuff like that but wh Fuck I don't know. It's just. He could have killed me really. Easy. If he was tired enough of me. That sucks.

===

November 27

My leg isn't getting better. Niether is my chest. Danny told me, because he still gets numb body parts and muscle spasms. Dying isn't really something you get better from.

===

November 28

am I ok?

[nancylou444]

I apologize ahead of time for the following rant - it's been a very looooong 2 years...

I appreciate the fact that you have been firm in your stance against all the Jensen hate that's been going around since the show ended. I get that people were upset with him but to me it seems like some are taking it a bit too far, like he somehow wronged them personally. The truth is, we don't know everything that happened nor do we know what was said between Jared and Jensen, only what they released publicly - which I have no doubt is just part of the story. I know Jensen's a grown-ass man but I can't help but feel like most, if not all, of this mess was D's doing. She probably came up with this stupid idea for the prequel and Jensen gave in, hoping to give her something to do and keep her quiet, much like he did with the brewery. Then he got roped into having to be a part of it either by her or the network or both and now he's stuck, which would explain why he's been doing such a bad job promoting it (hard to talk nice about something you know sucks.) And I'm sorry but I don't believe for a second that it wasn't her idea to send that tweet out before Jensen could talk to Jared first because she's just that much of a bitch (I also wouldn't put it past her to be jealous of Jared and how close he and Jensen are.)

The last thing I'll say is... We can all agree the prequel is a steaming pile of shit but I feel like Jensen is stuck in a really shitty situation and is doing the best he can with what he has.

This of course is all just my feelings and opinions and maybe I'm completely wrong. And I'm pretty sure not many will really care (if any at all.)

I'm sorry again for hijacking your inbox for this long rant but I've been holding this in for awhile and just kinda needed to get it out.

Yes, it has been a long two years, my darling.

Oh I absolutely agree with you and there is nothing to apologize for.

Yes, Jensen has made a few bad decisions, but haven't we all? And who is to say that this 'bad' decision wasn't at the same level (if not worse) then Jared finding out about the prequel from social media?

We don't know what text messages or phone calls happened afterwards. Most people don't communicate with their friends/family, via twitter.

D is totally jealous of Jensen's relationship with Jared and SPN and she wanted to somehow shoehorn herself into both 'relationships'.

Just like she got a part in SPN that was not needed. Anybody could have played that part, and we would have been better off without the retcon of Ruby2 being buddies with an angel.

Nobody will ever be able to convince me THAT wasn't a stunt move.

[whetstonefires]

For the oc ask game 2, 3, 6, 20, 21, and 25.

Okay this time I'm gonna do Darya. She's from the same story as Marl, and technically in story structure terms she's one step less Main Character than he is, but she's also one of the main POV sources and we're not allowed in his stupid head, so no she isn't.

2. What do they think is their best feature? This can be both physical or personality wise.

Her greatest asset has always been her looks, but she knows she was only able to use them to her advantage instead of getting victimized for them because she's a schemer, goal-oriented and patient. Also she's 37 and aware the usefulness of her beauty is very much in decline.

So definitely her ability to think long-term, even in circumstances that pressure you toward thinking only about surviving to see tomorrow.

3. What is something they are really self-conscious about?

She tries really hard to be aware of how she's coming across every second of every day but also not to care what people think, except as it's relevant strategically. So this is tricky! :D

The places she's worst at the latter are...she's overly defensive about being seen as an opportunist in the places she's acting out of loyalty or something approaching altruism, but since she identifies as an opportunist generally assumes people are always assuming it.

But at the same time she's very touchy about the idea that she's letting herself be taken advantage of and the possibility people might assume that instead.

6. What is something they are absolutely hopeless at doing? Why?

Darya has a lot of holes in her education generally because she basically brought herself up and not in great circumstances. But she's done a pretty good job of filling most of them in. So there are a lot of things she's pretty bad at but can scrape by in, and mostly avoids having to attempt. She's a bad cook, but that just means the food is bland and overdone.

I guess what she's hopeless at is vulnerability? I was going to say emotional honesty but while she's pretty avoidant about it, and will often default to either appeasement or anger, she could be a lot worse.

The funny thing about her is she considers herself a schemer but is pretty straightforward, for the most part. Which is only partly because she observed from a very young age that every additional point of complexity introduces a new potential point of failure, so the strategic thing to do is usually not to over-strategize.

20. What makes your OC special? Why are they important or different ? What makes them a particularly wonderful and/or evil character?

I should make a case for her?? Like in the story or in the literary canon?

The point of Darya, for me, is she's someone who's always had to rely on herself but in a way that's made her acutely aware of how false and untenable the concept of self-reliance is. That people need people. So her personality is defined by the need to obtain security from others without trusting them. Which is a shitty way to live.

But she's not like some glamorous mastermind or social predator, she just ingratiated her way from abject poverty, to mild respectability, to the leisure class. Then found that position insecure in a fun new way and was eventually forced to choose between 'kill a decent person to ingratiate yourself with Asshole Social Leader and become his direct client' and 'chuck it all and throw yourself on the mercy of Cool Bandit Teenager' and chose the latter in a fit of basically violent reaction against the sunk-cost fallacy.

That was nine years ago and they've since overthrown the government, so she's just constantly torn between viewing her relationship with her found family as a healthy mutual-reliance thing built on trust, and seeing it as a complicated web of mutual exploitation that may collapse at any moment as their individual needs evolve.

And she wants it so desperately to be the former, but she can't bring herself to rely on it. Or even admit this conflict is a thing.

Which means everything she does has at least two motives and both of them consequently feel a little like lies she's telling herself.

Like, she's quietly setting aside a small fortune in relatively liquid assets--is she embezzling from her friend's nonprofit militia to set herself up in comfort when she's left hanging since they have no more use for her and have moved on, or is she socking money away to take care of her family when Elaine's stupid refusal to let the wealthy buy her off leaves them all in the lurch? It's both.

21. What sets your OC off? What will make them go from a docile little lamb to a rampaging, fire-breathing dragon?

This is a weird question, why would everyone's OCs default to lamb? I don't think any of this group are docile lambs. Marl can be uncomfortably slavish but only to (1) person, Owl only does what people want if it seems like a good idea, Elaine's entire Deal is about personal autonomy. Duluth likes to get along with people but he's got a lot of pride and grew up with Elaine as his top role model. Dan is probably the most biddable overall, but he's also royalty so the number of people he actually defers to is low and mostly he's kind of high-handed.

Anyway though. Intent of query. Darya gets mad pretty easily, but she usually channels it through her survival instincts so there's no rampaging, because she doesn't have the kind of power that makes that useful to do.

She gets mad about injustice but she's also really inured to it and thinks of herself as a strict pragmatist, so what truly pisses her off is being sold dishonest narratives about why an injustice is actually Good and Moral. Still wouldn't fly off the handle about it, though.

I guess the main exception turns out to be when someone she trusts lets her down severely, and she's the one in a position of power subsequently? Or at least enough power? Like that's the one scenario where she'd consider it worthwhile to just have a yell, and/or her survival instincts wouldn't be enough to counterbalance the amount of emotion.

If she doesn't care about someone personally and she's yelling at or attacking them it's not because she's simply lost her temper, it's because she thinks it'll help in some way to do that. If someone has offended her deeply and she's destroying them because of that she will probably do it like. In a way that isn't obvious.

Not, again, that she's someone inclined to or capable of deep elaborate manipulations, but it's just safer to cut a throat or publicize someone's dirty laundry than to confront them directly. And if she's planning to murder you (note: she has never actually assassinated anyone but she thinks of herself as the sort of person who would if it was ever a good idea) she's not going to blow up at you first. That would be stupid.

So yeah, her first instinct is to sit on that kind of feeling.

If she's betrayed and she's at a disadvantage she'll keep her head down and try to find a way to salvage the situation for herself, regardless of level of seething--the anger will definitely inform her choices and is likely to make her more reckless, but she's not going to actually blow up unless she feels secure. You know? She's a survivor first.

That's kind of what makes Elaine stand out, in the setting. She's the person who can get apocalyptically angry and go on a flaming rampage and find she's accomplished something thereby, and isn't dead. But you can't count on that happening every time, even when you're a hero.

25. Describe your OC in one sentence.

When your second midlife crisis is that your first involved leaving your husband (who let his boss throw you to the wolves) and joining a nomadic commune, and now the commune finished killing evil wizards (like your husband's boss) and is breaking up.

[kitewithfish]

Wednesday Reading Meme for 10-26-22

What I've Read - Omega Required - Dessa Lux (aka, fanfic writer Dira Sudis) - Werewolf Omegaverse m/m arranged marriage romance novel- I bought this in 2018, read 25% of it and then never picked it up again, because I am a fool. I finished it this week and I found the main couple really quite charming.  Beau wants to be a werewolf doctor to humans, Rory ran away from home at 16 with an older man who promised to take good care of him and has some major trauma around sex. It's careful to show Rory's recovery, tho it's a romance novel so he's improving on a pretty brisk pace. Beau is used taking care of only himself and not asking for help so he makes some fairly stupid (but very in-character!) mistakes around his new job. The resolution is sweet and generally hits the points that think a thoughtful romance ought to. I am probably going to read other things Dira has written - this series has a couple of other books, and this is hitting a self-indulgent spot for me. Good world building around how werewolves would function in the open in the modern world.

Wife to the Marines: A Military Reverse Harem Romance by Krista Wolf (reverse harem het romance, straight woman with three straight men) - Well, this book had some great elements? The sex was fun, the character dynamics were a bit spare (perfectly fine for this genre) but what was there felt engaging, the plot was brisk and both acknowledged the silly elements but made them feel emotionally true to the female lead's internal life. I finished it and at the low price of $1, I feel like I got my money's worth. I have definitely paid more for worse. 

But, oh man, I am too queer for this book. I am just too dang queer for this book. I literally picked this up because I was curious about the reverse harem romance sub-genre (aka, straight woman with multiple male partners, yay!) and wow, this is just - like, do gay people exist in this world? Do ace people? Polyamory is briefly mentioned but not actually engaged with at all, so functionally, nah. Because I just cannot imagine a world where queer people exist and these men are making the life choices they are making about committed relationships to other men, and having sex with the same woman in a committed relationship, and then like, just not talking about the fact that you are in a queer poly relationship. It's just, like, the most hetero and monogamous take possible on a very queer, very poly relationship. It's almost as if it's a het romance where the dude just happens to have three bodies? It's so fucking weird to see a book go so far out of its way to frame this as hetero brothers-in-arms who love each other? Like, the intense military friendship that is actually a romance in disguise is literally a gay cliche - this one is ours, straight people. 

Also, massive trigger warnings for eating disorders shit (the woman is a trainer and runs a youtube channel where she makes "health food" recipes, constantly breaks food into good or bad categories, calorie counting, talks in detail about the weight loss plans of her clients, none of it needed) and also, uh, military kink?  using the American invasion of Afghanistan as a neutral-to-justified backdrop for a personal vendetta? (Dudes, is it gay to avenge the death of your boyfriend's brother under the cover of a legitimate Marine mission while you lie to him and keep him out of the loop, safe at home with your other shared boyfriend and girlfriend?) This was a compellingly written novel full of sympathetic depictions of people who I would not ever want to have a drink with!

What I'm Reading

A Taste of Gold and Iron - Alexandra Rowland - A re-read for my book club. So sweet, so queer, so fun. Deeply good worldbuilding.

Thrawn: Treason - Timothy Zahn - Getting fun and brisk with this one! 55% in.  Hunting Towards Heartstill - Blackkat - Star Wars Clone Wars Cartoon au - marriage of convenience, fake marriage, Mace Windu/Cody - Slowing down because we're crash landed on an abandoned Sith planet and I'm watching Mace be annoyed at Anakin and, well, he's very annoying! I'm going to try and buckle down and get some more under my belt so that I can actually just get past this part. I got stuck here last time too.

Stay With Me, Go Places - cac0daemonia-  https://archiveofourown.org/works/39540420 - "After months of living a quiet, peaceful life on Ryloth, Waxer and Boil must don their armor again. What begins as a rescue operation in conjunction with a bounty hunter becomes a journey that the Force itself seems to have a hand in." - I am really enjoying this ongoing series, the Reconstruction Corps AU, which posits that a fairly minor change in the Clone Wars plot around the clones control chips allowed the Jedi to stop Darth Sideous and save the galaxy and allow clones like Waxer and Boil to retire to little backwaters and build themselves a community. 

What I'll Read Next

2312 - Kim Stanley Robinson - Book club pick, long one, too! Bought it since we're probably splitting it up over six weeks Library books: Our Wives Under the Sea - Julia Armfield Maul: Lockdown - Joe Schreiber  The Whale Rider -Witi Ihimaera  Tiger's Daughter - K Arsenault Rivera  Riot Baby - Rochi Onyeuchi The Silence of the Wilting Skin - Tlotlo Tsamaase  An Unkindness of Ghosts - Rivers Solomon

Libby:  Truth of the Divine - Lindsay Ellis Devil House - John Darnelle