#this is what happens when I watch all the presidents men and think 'what if woodward and bernstein fell in love'

[scientia-rex]

When I was in ninth grade I wanted to challenge what I saw as a very stupid dress code policy (not being allowed to wear spikes regardless of the size or sharpness of the spikes). My dad said to me, “What is your objective?”

He said it over and over. I contemplated that. I wanted to change an unfair dress code. What did I stand to gain? What did I stand to lose? If what I really wanted was to change the dress code, what would be my most effective potential approach? (He also gave me Discourses on the Fall of Rome by Titus Livius, Machiavelli’s magnum opus. Of course he’d already given me The Prince, Five Rings, and The Art of War.)

I ultimately printed out that phrase, coated it in Mod Podge, and clipped it to my bathroom mirror so I would look at it and think about it every day.

What is your objective?

Forget about how you feel. Ask yourself, what do you want to see happen? And then ask, how can you make it happen? Who needs to agree with you? Who has the power to implement this change? What are the points where you have leverage over them? If you use that leverage now, will you impair your ability to use it in the future? Getting what you want is about effectiveness. It is not about being an alpha or a sigma or whatever other bullshit the men’s right whiners are on about now. You won’t find any MRA talking points in Musashi, because they are not relevant.

I had no clear leverage on the dress code issue. My parents were not on the PTA; neither were any of my friend’s parents who liked me. The teachers did not care about this. Ultimately I just wore what I wanted, my patent leather collar from Hot Topic with large but flattened spikes, and I had guessed correctly—the teachers also did not care enough to discipline me.

I often see people on tumblr, mostly the very young, flail around in discourse. They don’t have an objective. They don’t know what they want to achieve, and they have never thought about strategizing and interpersonal effectiveness. No one can get everything they want by being an asshole. You must be able to work with other people, and that includes smiling when you hate them.

Read Machiavelli. Start with The Prince, but then move on to Discourses. Read Musashi’s Five Rings. Read The Art of War. They’re classics for a reason. They can’t cover all situations, but they can do more for how you think about strategizing than anything you’re getting in middle school and high school curricula.

Don’t vote third party unless you can tell me not only what your objective is but also why this action stands a meaningful chance of accomplishing it. Otherwise, back up and approach your strategy from a new angle. I don’t care how angry you are with Biden right now. He knows about it, and he is both trying to do something and not doing enough. I care about what will happen to millions of people if we have another Trump presidency. Look up Ross Perot, and learn from our past. Find your objective. If it is to stop the genocide in Palestine now, call your elected representatives now. They don’t care about emails; they care about phone calls, because they live in the past. I know this because I shadowed a lobbyist, because knowing how power works is critical to using it.

How do you think I have gotten two clinics to start including gender care in their planning?

Start small. Chip away. Keep working. Find your leverage; figure out how and when to effectively use it. Choose your battles, so that you can concentrate on the battle at hand instead of wasting your resources in many directions. Learn from the accumulated wisdom of people who spent their lives learning by doing, by making mistakes, by watching the mistakes of their enemies.

Don’t be a dickhead. Be smarter than I was at 14. Ask yourself: what is your objective?

[roanofarcc]

I never listen to men’s opinions in general but ESPECIALLY when it comes to movies. you’re going to tell, as a man, that the barbie movie was bad? you just can’t possible understand the complexities of the transition between girlhood and womanhood that happens before it should. you have no idea what it’s like to cling so desperately onto your own imagination as an adult after spending your pre-teen/teenage years pretending that playing with dolls and wearing pink was so beneath you. you don’t understand fighting with your mother only to one day realize she is living through you and doing all that she can to make sure you go leap and bounds further than her. men couldn’t possible grasp the impact watching Barbie herself cry and say she wasn’t perfect or pretty anymore, when your whole childhood was built around carrying her in your backpack and knowing that one day you’ll be the president, an astronaut, and a model because she was. because she was yours and you were her! yeah, the movie was silly and funny and self aware and maybe you don’t think it’s “that deep”, but as a woman you just get it. as someone growing up still in your childhood bedroom that no longer has a dream house but the dolls are still above you in the attic because you can’t throw them out, you get it

[k3n-dyll]

I know I said I'd be inactive but I gotta rant like I'm at a point of pure rage and I'm not all the way sober rn. As a black woman? I feel betrayed. Like I have no clue why, but for some reason I had faith in y'all to come through and recognize that while Kamala isn't perfect by any means that a Trump presidency would likely mean wraps for all of us, but no. Every. Single. Group managed to fuck up aside from black men and women in this election.

What happens when the internet becomes so overruled with censorship that we can no longer share information about the causes we care about? The police are already over militarized and the oompa loompa that's been put up in office is fully ready to grant them immunity, meaning they would essentially be able to do whatever the fuck they want to us without consequence.

I mean let's be fucking real that immunity is going to affect my community at a disproportionate rate just in case you guys already forgot what those pigs like to do to us. And my community is also that main group of people that is out on the street riding for everybody when there's an issue so what's gonna happen now? Hm?

Black women have been saying for a good while that we should vote for the candidate who will let us keep doing the work we're trying to do. The one that we would be safe protesting and organizing under so that we can make change both in and outside of our community, for example, actually putting third-party candidates in STATE GOVERNMENTS so that when actual viable third parties run, they'll have some chance in the presidential election. Y'know because the Electoral votes and support from state governments are really what matters.

And I say ACTUAL viable third-party candidates because, let's be real once again, half the people who voted for Jill Stein didn't do research on her like they should have. That white lady has been a grifter this isn't news.

It's like...watching people just cling to the idea that some big revolution is going to start within the next year because of this is exhausting, especially when the vast majority of American citizens had not a fucking clue about Palestine, Sudan, or Congo until 2023. Unfortunately for us, this shit takes time and actual irl community building. These election results have only made what would have been difficult nearly impossible because people either want to stand on some moral high ground or for 'tax cuts' that they aren't eligible for because half of you bitches are poor just like the rest of us.

I'm fucking exhausted. My ancestors survived slavery, Jim Crow, red lining - we're still surviving and fighting for justice for victims of police brutality and I am so. Fucking. Tired of surviving shit because y'all can't think critically for two fucking seconds. It's like doing a group project but everyone else has a few pebbles in their skulls knocking around in there instead of brains.

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

I'll come pick it up after pt.11

John Egan X Female! Reader

Summary: Y/n starts to lose hope, but he and his silly mustache made her a promise...

Warning: Historical inaccuracies/ mention of violence/ medical inaccuracies/ allusion to sex/ crying (joy)/

Word count: 1,4k

A/n: I can't watch Friday's episode because I watch it with my father and I'm away, so I'm just going to guess what's going to happen and pray for no spoilers. Again it's pure fiction so yeah. Thanks for all the like, the comments and the reblogs. I love reading what you have to say about my story. Love y'all :)

Weeks passed since she had the news that Bucky didn’t made it home. She was hoping to hear that he was coming back. But her hope was starting to fade, a small part of her still thought he was going to come home, and they could get married. Days past, she was thinking about him all the time, his smile, his mustache, his arms and his eyes. She wanted to remember his face, but even if she tried to forget him, it wouldn’t be possible. She loved him too much to forget him this easily. Harry Crosby was her best friend during this time of loneliness, him and Meatball tried to make her smile all the time. She spent time with the kids that were with the mechanics. One of them had lost a hand, so he had a metal hook, it didn’t bother him, he was making jokes about it, he was strong. Today was a normal day, it was the beginning of winter, so the temperature was colder than usual. She was in her uniform with a vest, to protect her from the cold. There was only one man in the hospital, he had lost his middle finger, and he needed to stay here so the nurses could make sure it didn’t get infected. She was checking his wound when Harry Crosby came rushing in. His eyes filled with a spark. ‘’Y/n, he’s back… Buck too’’ he said, smiling. She dropped the tool she was using; she didn’t believe him. Her heart filled with joy. ‘’Croz you better not be lying to me.’’ She warned, smiling. ‘’He’s here, Y/n, he came back.’’

He walked into the base like a champion, he made it back, with his best friend and the other soldiers that were captured. He still didn’t know how he managed to escape, but he did, that’s what was important. Men were cheering for him like he was the president of the United States. He was back home. ‘’Good to see you Bucky!’’ Rosie cheered as he hugged him. ‘’Good to be back Rosie!’’ he replied. John Egan was happy to see his friend, but only one person mattered: His future wife. When they heard Meatball bark, the men in front of Bucky stepped away, knowing he was always with the chief nurse, they wanted to let Bucky reunite with his girl in peace. Then he saw her, in her nurse uniform, her hair was a mess, probably from the running she just did. She stopped when she saw him, realizing that her pilot was back home. She breathed as joy tears fell off her eyes. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds before they both ran in the direction of the others. She jumped in his arms, hugging him like a koala. He hugged her so tightly he thought he was going to strangle her. ‘’You’re real, please tell me your real?’’ she whispered. ‘’I’m really here, darling, God, I’ve missed you!’’ he said. ‘’I love you too, John, I love you and don’t ever leave me again!’’ she said, kissing him.

God, he missed the feelings of her lips on his. They didn’t even care about the men cheering for him and his girl, about the men telling him to ‘’get a room’’ He came back for her. ‘’I love you too, darling’’ he mumbled against her lips. He noticed the ring she wore, his ring. He took it off her finger, she was confused, but when she saw him kneeling down on one knee, she understood. ‘’Y/n, my beautiful darling, will you marry me?’’ he asked, already knowing the answer. ‘’Yes, thousand time yes!’’ she said, kissing him as he put the ring back where it belonged. The men cheered and yelled their happiness. The feeling was euphoric, he just asked her to properly marry her, they were going to get married. When they stopped hugging, Y/n ran to Buck, she’d missed him too. He was one of her best friends. They became close, before he disappeared. ‘’Told you I’d protect him’’ he said, smiling. ‘’Shut up and hug me’’ she said, hugging him. ‘’Congratulations future Mrs. Egan’’ he said in her ear. ‘’You know your already the best men, right?’’ Bucky yelled. They both laughed as a Jeep approached. It was Crosby, with the nurses, because put the joy aside, the men were injured. Bucky had a black eye, it was swollen and had bleed, he was in bad shape. When Elodie came out of the Jeep, she ran towards Buck, hugging him and kissing him.

Bucky put his arms around his girl. ‘’Darling, I’ll need a doctor, they beat us up pretty badly’’ he confessed. ‘’I got Major Egan! Elodie, take care of Major Cleven, others, find yourself someone to heal’’ she ordered her nurses, making the Buck’s grin. They got in the Jeep and went back to the medical center. She still couldn’t believe he was alive, and she was engaged to him. Now she was going to treat his injuries. When they arrived at the medical centre, she guided him to her office. She needed privacy with him, not that she planned on having sex, but if it happened, they would be alone. When she closed the door, he roughly kissed her, he was eager for her, he needed her. ‘’Bucky, I need to look at your wounds’’ she says, giggling. ‘’All right, look at them’’ he said, taking his shirt off, in a seductive way. She looked at his chest, full of bruises, it was bad. ‘’What did they do to you?’’ she whispered. She touched the bruises, making him hiss in pain. ‘’You probably have broken ribs. Your face, well it’s just bruised. What did the pirate wanted?’’ she tried to joke. ‘’They wanted me to talk about you, and Buck, and all the secrets the army told. But I didn’t tell them anything’’ he said. ‘’That’s why they hit you?’’ she asked, cleaning his wounds. He nodded as he watched the nurse take care of him. ‘’I’m so happy you made it back, John, when I read your letter, I couldn’t believe you were… ‘’ she didn’t want to finish her sentence. ‘’Well, I’m here now, darling, and I love you, so much’’ he said, taking her face in his hands. ‘’I love you too, Bucky’’ she said, kissing him. ‘’Your ribs will heal, but slow down on the physical stuff’’ she said, seriously. ‘’I’m afraid I can’t slow down on one physical stuff in particular’’ he said, trailing his hands all over her body. She grins but tilt her head to the side. ‘’Bucky, don’t you’ll only hurt yourself more’’ she giggled. ‘’How much time do I need to lay off the physical stuff, darling?’’ he asked. ‘’4 weeks’’ she said. He shook his head. ‘’I can’t wait 4 weeks to have sex with you’’ he said. ‘’Well, you could piece your lung, and die, and I don’t want that. Maybe say 3 weeks, you heal fast’’ she said. ‘’All right, no sex for 3 weeks, but get ready, because I’m marring you in 3 weeks’’ he said. She smile and kiss him. ‘’If I stay on bed rest, can I make it 2 weeks?’’ he asks, making her laugh. ‘’We’ll see about that, Bucky’’ She was just happy he got back to her, in one piece

The last part ⬇️

[hadesoftheladies]

“that’s just war” is what i keep getting told. women get raped and butchered? that’s just war. children get bombed and buried? that’s just war. when i read stories of the hamas hostages and the frustration and pain of jewish families caught up in the war, what do online politics offer? “that’s just war.” that’s just the price of resistance. when i tell my dad while watching the news on palestine “thousands more children were bombed by israeli forces this week” all he can say is “that’s just war.” if a man pointed a gun at you wouldn’t you want to have a gun, too?

were the allied soldiers better than the nazis? depends on who you ask. they bombed, raped, sabotaged the planes of women in their own army. nazis were terrible. did that make allied soldiers saints? we weep for the mass graves in 20th century concentration camps across the world. then when we grow up we learn that those black and white photos were actually grey all along. the victims had also victimized others. male prisoners could rape as the soldiers did.

“ignore war men will be men” some women say. “they’ll find a way to keep killing each other. let them have at it.” is it feminist action to bask in our own self righteousness as women? do people sleeping while sirens go off in their city have any choice other than to wake up and run? can they ignore such a thing?

where should i stand? will the white women online help me if their president ordered a siege of my country? my country’s history is riddled with blood. the resistance gave me freedom. I can walk on my own land. go to school and own a car. I can dress myself without dressing a white mistress first. I can farm for myself and not for some smelly englishman. that’s good, isn’t it? but they also killed scores of setttlers, the resistance. they raped white women and girls. slaughtered white children and dumped their bodies in pits for their husbands and fathers to find. wasn’t that bad? but wasn’t it the black kikuyu children and women that bent their backs over white fields? wasn’t it the white people who put them in camps and exacted harsh curfews. didn’t white men shove broken glass up black detainee’s private parts? which white women came to free them? didn’t they laugh at the same racist jokes as their husbands did? didn’t she smile and pour tea for him as he told her about work? didn’t she love having such a wide sprawling estate? wasn’t that bad?

“so you stand with the evil black men that raped white women just because they could? you think their rape served a purpose?” no, but— “so you stand with white women who were okay ordering your people to be shipped, slaughtered and starved?” no! these questions are like asking me which bullet i’d prefer to be shot with. the answer is i don’t want to die. i am not comforted by the rape of women or by the enslavement of my people. why would either be something i want?

what this all is, ultimately, is a question the entitled never like to hear. in regard to the oppression of women by men, blacks by whites, the indigenous by the colonial, the one question at the heart of it all is this:

who has the right to self defense?

why is the woman that killed her rapist jailed? why is the slave that killed his master himself killed? by what means and to what extent do we rule an act of violence as self-defense or something monstrous?

the answer is even more uncomfortable: to the extent that we view the aggressor as human.

it’s not an answer that really solves anything. it doesn’t change what happens in war. it won’t stop any war.

but in these scenarios, my way has been to accept that there is rarely such a thing as moral purity in a human, and for this reason, our default attitude may need to be humility, the acceptance that we can be hypocrites. that we aren’t exempt from tragedy or more special than another life. that we’re as alike as we are different, even if we may not be equally guilty of certain acts. because if we are open to the humanity and dignity of the life of others (and I do extend this to animals as well, because they have the capacity to suffer and the will to live), we are bound to be less prone to repeat the cruelties we decry.

and maybe that’s more of a solution than a neat, easy answer or a casual dismissal like “that’s just war” might be.

[lavenderbang]

Drunk-Dazed

 Vampire! Park Sunghoon x reader

genre(s): vampire au!, non-idol au!, Sunghoon is also your tutor, mystery (not really cause dramatic irony), fluff, horror, Jake is your best friend cause I’m a simp, also feat. the rest of enhypen, mainly Heesung and Jungwon tho

Warning(s): blood/gore, swearing (obviously), biting (OBVIOUSLY), and probably crime (if you consider killing a classmate and drinking their blood a crime)

W.C: 17.2k (Sheesh this is long...)

Summary: When a fellow classmate was found dead on the soccer field with all the blood drained from them and two pierce marks in their neck, you took it upon yourself as president of the paranormal club to find the vampire. 

A/N: Y’all, when I say I am OBSESSED with Drunk-Dazed! That song literally made me an Engene overnight and honestly I can’t stop thinking about writing this fic. I don’t usually like monster stuff, but watching the MV (which is here) really inspired me. Also I love Park Sunghoon with my whole heart... anyways, Enjoy!

A/N 2: If you couldn’t tell from the previous author note and the title, this has been sitting in my drafts since the Drunk-Dazed MV dropped. It’s clearly been a long time since then, but I’m now finally posting this fic under a random spurt of inspo. I hope you enjoy it cause I love this fic (its my baby) and its been two and a half years in the making!

he’s so ethereal

“uhhh, you’re late dude,” You scoff at Jake, “Slept through your alarm?” Your best friend doesn’t respond, and only then you realize how serious he looked; Jake’s face was pale, and he seemed to fumble with his bag as he sat down beside you in his usual seat for biology. His eyes were darting all over the place before finally landing on you; you grabbed onto his hands to stop it from shaking.

“Hey, you okay?” You ask, frowning at your usually cheerful friend, “what happened?”

“I went out to the field this morning to get a bit of early practice...” He starts off, licking his lips nervously before continuing, “When I got there, there was someone laying out in the middle of the field....”

“who?” You ask but are soon interrupted by the chairman of your school and the chief of police coming into the classroom. Jake immediately looks at his shoes, not wanting to look at the two men at the front.

“Good morning everyone,” The chairman greets in a serious tone, “I have some grim news to share with you all. Now I’m deciding to share this with you because you are all young adults and deserve transparency on the situation.”

“Whats going on Jake?” You whispered to your friend, who was trembling in his seat.

“This morning at 7:32 am, were were alerted by a student that there was a body found at the soccer field.” The chairman stated solemnly. The amount of tension in your classroom was suffocating, “by 7:46, we had identified that the victim was a student by the name of Lee Geonu.”

The mood quickly turned from tense to absolute shock; You couldn’t believe that Geonu, the guy that asked you to borrow a pencil just last Tuesday was now dead. It didn’t make any sense whatsoever; its not like you were friends, but Geonu was a good guy, healthy too. 

“I know this is frightening and disturbing news, but we will only take a few more moments of your time.” The chairman turned to the chief of police and continued, “I will now turn it over to police chief Kim to bring up what’s important.”

“Thank you sir,” The police chief nodded before looking down at the document in his hands, “Now upon inspection, it seems that your classmate was found with two distinct holes in the middle of his neck on the left side, as well as a very low blood volume. As of now, we are unaware of where his blood went, but we suspect it sank into the ground.”

You feel Jake’s hand tighten in yours, eyes brimming with tears from the traumatic experience. You squeeze his hand to comfort your friend, feeling sorry that he had see something so horrific.

“Now, we think time of death occurred at around 10:00-12:00 last night,” The police chief continued, before looking up at your class, “If any of you have any information as to what happened or anything you might know about the victim that is relevant to our investigation, please don’t hesitate to come to us.”

The room was silent for a moment, aside from a few sniffles in the back along with the anxious tapping of someones shoes on the floor.

“Lastly, I’m sorry to all of you for your loss.” Chief Kim smiled sympathetically, “I want you all to know you are safe and any information you can give us can help us find whoever did this to Geonu and give him justice.”

And with that being said, the two men exited the room, leaving a atmosphere of despair and melancholy over all of your classmates. You turned to Jake, patting his shoulder gently. He sniffled, blinking back tears. As hard as it was, your teacher put you all to work on a simple worksheet, hoping that it could take your guy’s mind off the current news.

~~~

“It was weird... The holes were small, no bigger than half a centimeter.” Jake explained quietly, whispering to you as you sat down at your lunch table, only to be followed by your friends Jungwon and Heesung.

“How far apart?” You asked cautiously. You still felt worried talking about this topic with Jake, as he seemed pretty shaken up yesterday morning. Since then he seemed okay, as it was a pretty big school and he didn’t know Geonu that well, having no classes with the guy.

“Maybe an inch, inch and a half?” Jake explained, opening his bottle of ice tea to take a sip.

“Strange...” Jungwon responded before teasing shoving your shoulder with a smile, “Maybe it was a vampire, right (Y/N)?” This made the boys chuckle, obviously amused to poke fun at you and your paranormal beliefs.

“That’s what I was thinking...” You responded staring at your sandwich, deep in thought. The laughter died and the boys all looked at you confused.

“Are you serious (Y/N)..?” Heesung asked, furrowing his eyebrows at you.

“Of course,” You replied, looking up at the oldest with a frown, “What else could it be?”

“Something real? Like a human maybe..?” Jake suggested, clearly concerned with your thought process.

“That doesn’t make any sense! Who kills a guy with two small holes in the neck and drains almost all of his blood from his body?” You leaned forward, picking at your food before sighing, “Besides, you guys are in the Paranormal Activities Club too, so why don’t you believe it could be a vampire?”

“Honestly, talking about ghosts and monsters and stuff during our PAC meetings is fun,” Jungwon started off before brushing his hand through his hair and sighing, “But it was never that serious. Not like ‘I think a vampire murdered our classmate’ type of club.”

“But don’t you believe in the paranormal? isn’t that the whole point of PAC?” You asked, seriousness dripping from your tone, “I just think it’s our duty to discover if this was actually a vampire-related incident or not.”

The boys looked at you like you had three heads, letting the silence be word enough that they thought you were insane.

“I mean, if its not, then no harm no foul...” You sighed, crossing your arms across your chest passively, “But it if it, that means we have a vampire on the loose and we need to find out who it is, as the closest thing to experts this school has.”

“I mean, it could be kinda fun to look for clues and stuff...” Jungwon smiled softly.

“We’d be like the Mystery Gang from Scooby-doo!” Jake beamed, suddenly interested in the idea of investigation.

“I guess we technically have to have other club activities besides chatting to count for credit..” Heesung agreed, shaking his head at the thought of actually agreeing to a vampire hunt.

“So PAC investigation to find the vampire?” You smirked, feeling excited to maybe see a real live monster.

“Yeah it’ll be fun!” Jake finalized, taking a bite of the apple he had pulled out of his bag sometime while having this conversation, “Lets meet back at the school tonight to look for evidence.”

“No can do actually...” You interrupted, shocking your friends at the odd change in attitude of inspiring them to do this and then suddenly bailing.

“What the heck (Y/N)!?” Jungwon huffed, throwing his hands up dramatically, “Why can’t you come?”

“I’ve got Calculus tutoring tonight.” You stated simply, “but you guys can go look for clues without me tonight and you can report back at tomorrow’s PAC meeting.”

“You have a tutor?” Heesung asked, “who?” You turn in your chair and point across the lunch room to a pretty boy sitting at one of the corner tables, headphones in and doing homework.

“Park Sunghoon.” You answered simply, “We go to the campus library every Tuesday and Thursday. One day he helps me with Calc and the other day I help him with Bio.”

“He’s in our biology class?” Jake asked shocked, scratching his head sheepishly, “I didn’t even notice him...”

‘Yeah he’s pretty shy, but nice enough.” You nodded and stuffed sandwich in your face before continuing with a mouth full of bread, “I don’t think he likes me very much though.”

“I wonder why...” Heesung cringes, watching bits of sandwich squish in your mouth as you talk with it full. Before you look away, Sunghoon looks up and around the room, only to catch your gaze. He blinks a couple of times before politely nodding at you. Feeling embarrassed you got caught looking, you whipped around and faced your friends again, feeling the burning sensation crawl up your neck. Of course, this appeared as the perfect opportunity for the boys to make fun of you; but you didn’t mind, as it was nice to see some cheer from the gloomy atmosphere that was hanging around recently.

~~~

Bzzt!

You looked down at your phone to see that you had gotten a message.

Sunghoon: hey, do you mind meeting me at the front of the school for our session?

You tilt you head in confusion, but nonetheless type out a response before packing up your things you had set up for your session.

(Y/N): sure, I’ll be right there :)

Quickly making your way to the front, you see Sunghoon standing there, expression blank and scrolling through his phone. Once he sees you, He puts it away and approaches where you stand.

“Hey (Y/N) I’m sorry about this, but do you mind if I teach you somewhere else today?” He asked, worry and urgency evident in the shakiness of his voice.

“I mean, I guess,” You respond jokingly, smiling to hopefully put the boy at ease, “I would have loved it you let me know BEFORE I set all my stuff out though.”

“I know and I’m sorry about that,” Sunghoon apologized, walking out of the building with you following, “My coach changed my practice to earlier so I had to make adjustments...”

“So where are we going?” You asked, walking beside your tutor fumbling with the zipper on your binder.

“My apartment, if that’s okay.” He replied, not looking away from where his eyes focused ahead, “since my practice is earlier, I��l be saving time by not having to travel home to grab my things before going to the rink.”

“Sounds good to me...” You agreed before falling silent. You felt a weird sensation bubble up in your stomach that you had never seemed to feel before. Maybe nervousness because you’ve never been to Sunghoon’s home, but why would you be nervous about something like that?

Silence filled the air as you walked onward. The sun was starting to set, setting a warm orange glow over the environment as you walked; Even in this light, Sunghoon looked pale; his eyes looking down at his feet as his dark hair swept across his forehead with ever step. Somehow you had never noticed until now, but Sunghoon had a mole right on the edge of the bridge of his nose. You though it suited him, even though you rarely talked about things other then your respective subjects.

“So” You cleared your throat, wanting to break the silence and overall your sudden appreciation for your tutor, “You play a sport? you said your coach moved practice...”

“Ah, yeah!” Sunghoon responded with a smile, turning to look at you for the first time since leaving the school, “I do figure skating” (A/N: I had to, I love ice prince Sunghoon). You nodded, finding it surprising that out of all the sports, he picked something elegant and precise as figure skating.

“Really? That’s cool!” You praised, excited to get to know more about him, “how often do you practice?”

“every weekday,” He answered, “usually after we have our session I go home and grab all my gear and head to the rink, but for some reason my coach moved practice ahead by an hour.”

“Damn coaches, Huh?” You joked, “Always ruining a perfectly good schedule. Not that I would know, as I don’t do a sport...”

“Oh yeah, you have your own club, right?” Sunghoon recalled, making a right turn as you continued to his house, “What’s it called again..?”

“Paranormal Activities Club.” You explained, “We usually shorten it to PAC because it’s a bit wordy...”

“Catch any ghosts?” Sunghoon asked smiling cheekily.

“We don’t catch ghosts, we talk about them.” You said before cracking a smile, “Behind their back of course, like we’re in middle school” Sunghoon laughed at your silly joke, warmth radiating from deep in his chest. For some reason, it felt good to make the boy laugh; maybe it was because he was so reserved that you were happy to see him ease up a bit with you.

You arrived at Sunghoon’s apartment within about ten minutes. As you stepped in, you noticed the simplicity of it; white walls, a glass coffee table, and a bookshelf off to the right. To the left, there was a small corner kitchen and a hallway that you assumed lead to the bathroom and Sunghoon’s bedroom. The only thing to note was the furniture; a expensive looking maroon love-seat that was perpendicular with the coffee table and a deep red, velvety sofa pushed up under the window. 

“You can set your things down here and we can get started.” Sunghoon motioned to the coffee table before going into the kitchen, “want anything?”

“a glass of water would be nice,” You respond politely before setting your binder on the table. You looked at the sofa, before ultimately deciding to sit on the floor in front of it, feeling the furniture looked to expensive to touch. Sunghoon returns, placing the glass on a coaster and then on the table.

“Thank you.” You accepted the glass shyly, feeling a sense of awkwardness being in the private of his home.

“Why are you on the floor..?” Sunghoon chuckled lightly before sitting on the sofa, “there’s a sofa right behind you... I mean if your more comfortable on the floor we can sit there-”

“No I’ll move!” You exclaimed, getting up and sitting beside Sunghoon on the velvet cushions, “It just that your furniture looks so expensive...”

“Really?” He scrunched up his nose before opening his textbook and flipping through it to find the assignment, “I found these at a garage sale for like $100. Some little old Victorian lady was selling them. They’re really nice, but it’s really hard to get stains out of them...”

“Oh, I see.” You nodded, feeling the fabric under your fingertips before grabbing your pencil, “So should we get started?” Sunghoon hummed in response and you began the homework you were supposed to finish for tomorrow. 

After a bit, things went back to normal and you didn’t feel as weird or awkward; it was like every other Tuesday in the library. It wasn’t long before the sun set, and you were packing up your things to go home.

“Thank you so much for accommodating my schedule today.” Sunghoon thanked, holding his door open for you.

“No problem! It was a nice change of scenery.” You said brightly, trying to be polite about the abrupt change of plans, “Have a nice night Sunghoon; see you Thursday!” You went down to the lobby and messaged Jake, hoping that the boys actually went to the soccer field to look for evidence while you were busy.

(Y/N): [dropped 1 location]

(Y/N): hey, pick me up cause its dark and there is a vampire on the loose?

Butt-head~: Of course, your highness. It’s not like I was just about to get into the shower or anything after being out in a field for an hour...

Attached to that message was a GIF of a dirty servant from that one medieval show doing a full bow. you rolled your eyes at Jake’s sarcasm.

(Y/N): if you’re busy, I’ll just walk home alone

Butt-head~: Don’t you dare

Butt-head~: I’m literally already in my car omw

Chuckling to yourself you sit down in the lobby and do what any person would do to pass the time; scroll through memes. It isn’t long before you get another text from Jake saying he’s outside. You hurry out and hop in the passenger side of his old red car.

“Hello your highness, I hope this chariot is to your standards.” He teased in a fake posh British accent, which wasn’t far from his usual accent.

“Well, there could have been a harp or trumpets playing when I entered, but this’ll have to do,” you sighed before smiling at your silly friend. 

He suddenly turned on a loud, heavy bass song and drove in the direction of your house. You both jammed out for a bit, rolling down the windows and screaming out the lyrics at the top of your lungs. Eventually Jake turned down the music in exchange to chat with you.

“So me and Jungwon went out to the field and-” Jake started before you screeched out and stopped him.

“Don’t tell me!” You hushed, almost reaching out to put your hands over Jake’s mouth, “Wait until the meeting tomorrow!”

“I just thought you’d want to know about-” Jake started again but you shouted out to avoid hearing about what the boys found. Jake sighed and shut his mouth, clearly not going to be able to tell you about the investigation.

“Wait, where was Heesung?” You asked, quirking your eyebrows becasue you were cofused on why he wouldn’t show.

“He said he had something important to do instead.” Jake responded flatly.

“What’s more important than vampires?” You huffed.

“I know, this is the most important thing in our lives right now.”

“Exactly! This is serious stuff he was missing.”

The two of you were silent for a moment, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Though, you soon broke the silence.

“i’m sorry I wasn’t there...” You apologized, fiddling with your things and feeling a bit bad, “I failed as a president today...”

“Dude, don’t worry about it! Your trustworthy vice-prez worked very hard in your place.” Jake complimented himself and jabbed a thumb at his chest; you giggled at his antics, glad he wasn’t upset with you.

“So how was tutor session with pretty boy? I’m sure you got lots of calculus done.” Jake teased, poking your shoulder.

“As a matter of fact, we did get a lot of calculus done,” You rolled your eyes and pushed his hand away before continuing, “Besides the awkwardness of me being in his house for the first time...”

“Finally seeing pretty boy’s house? Or were you too busy kissing him to see?” Jake teased yet again, followed by gross, wet kissing sounds. You give the boy a hardy slap to the shoulder before chuckling at his antics.

“That’s the second time you called Sunghoon pretty.” You joked before cracking a big smile, “You know, if you’re so jealous of me, I could introduce you two so maybe you could kiss him.” You then copy the kissing sounds Jake made moments before only to earn a laugh and a shove. 

“Thank you for the offer, but I’ll pass.” Jake finally said and pulled up in front of your house, “Anyways, here’s your castle Your Highness.” You jumped out of Jake’s old car, collecting your things. You said a sincere thank you and waved goodbye before scurrying inside to eat and then sleep. Besides, you had a big day tomorrow filled with excitement from vampire hunting.

---------------

“Alright as all of the members of The Paranormal Activities Club have arrived, as president I officially begin this meeting.” You sat down after saying your opening speech and look at the three boys in front of you. PAC always met in room 300, so you pushed four desks together to make a meeting table. The lights were usually off as well, with only a couple of flashlights and a single candle lighting your meetings; but since there was more serious stuff to discuss this meeting, you opted to keeping the lights on.

“Now, to start off this very formal PAC Meeting, I have something to go over before we talk about the findings from last night.” You said before turning to Heesung and pouting, “Where were you? I though you were all good for the soccer field last night...”

“I thought these two knuckleheads could handle it without me,” Heesung points at Jungwon and Jake before continuing, “So I went to the public library to see if I could dig up any similar instances of killings in the same manner. I just wanted to see if there was a history of a murderer or serial killer that murdered in this way, but no luck..”

“That’s because it was a vampire, not a serial killer but whatever...” You responded passive-aggressively before smiling, “But thank you for double checking, I appreciate the work you’re putting into this.” Heesung simply gives a thumbs up and looks to the other two boys.

“Alright, so now that that’s settled,” You sated, turning to the other boys as well, “Lets go over what our investigation brought to light.”

Jake stood up and walked to the white board where there were a couple of magnets. He pulled them all off the white board and turned to you all.

“Jungwon, You have the evidence right?” He asked. Jungwon dug around in his backpack before pulling out a file-folder and scurrying up to where Jake was standing. They first began by placing random photos of the scene on the white-board, including a blurry selfie of the two of them and a picture of the sun reflected on the school windows. Jake cleared his throat, trying to appear as professional as possible.

“I will now account what happened when we arrived.”

-

“Ow, I think that’s the seventh mosquito bite!” Jungwon groaned and slapped his arm. 

The boys trudged through the surrounding trees by the field. The area where Geonu’s body was found was roped off with police tape so Jake had opted to start looking in the surrounding area instead. 

“Quit complaining, we are supposed to look for evidence of a vampire.” Jake scolded before shuffling around in the bushes.

“This is stupid.There’s no way it was a vampire.” Jungwon huffed before sifting through a pile of dead leaves, “(Y/N)’s bonkers. I can’t believe I agreed to this...”

“Maybe, but it would mean a lot to her if we just looked anyways.” Jake reasoned, pushing through-

-

“Do you really need to be telling me all this? Especially the part where you guys basically say I’m nuts?” You frown before being shushed by Jake, who continues on.

-

“Hey there’s a footprint here in the mud!” Jake pointed out before turning to Jungwon, “It could be our vampire.”

“Or a random person going through the bushes.” Jungwon huffed.

“Just give me the camera Jungwon.”

“Fine...”

-

Jake places the photo of the footprint on the white board, securing it with a magnet.

“From my deduction skills, it is around a size 7 males shoe.” Jake confirms, “I’ll be studying the tread to see what kind of shoe it is.”

“Okay sounds good.” You praised, nodding to Jungwon, “Continue on with what happened.”

-

“What exactly are we looking for that the police wouldn’t have already found?” Jungwon sighed, climbing out of the treeline onto the red gravel track that separated the woods from the field.

“Paranormal stuff.” Jake answered vaguely, walking down the path closer to where the body laid just yesterday.

 He felt a strange sense of dread looking at the police tape, remembering the graphic scene all to well. It had etched itself into his head, not letting him get a wink of sleep the night before.

“Like... this?” Jungwon asked nervously. He held up a single silver ring, holding it up to the sky to get a better look at it.

-

Jungwon pulled the ring out of the folder; he had it in a zip-lock bag, almost afraid to touch it. Jake gave him a magnet, to which he hung the bag on whiteboard beside the footprint photo.

“What is that on it..?” You asked, leaning closer to get a better look at the ring. you could see that almost three-quarters of the outside of the ring was stained with some sort of black liquid.

“It looks burned in...” Heesung suggested, squinting to see the small piece of jewelry.

“Hey, I’m not done with the evidence yet!” Jake interrupted, trying to keep your attention, “Can we please stay focused?”

-

“Do you think we should go in there?” Jungwon asked, standing right on the edge of the police tape, “I feel like at that point, we would be tampering with actual police evidence...” 

Jake fiddled with the bright yellow tape, allowing it to slide in between his fingers, assessing the option of what they should do. He looked to the spot where Geonu had been, trying his best to recall every detail he could when he discovered him. Blanking on what happened, he turned away from the tape and went back onto the path.

“I think it’s best if we go home. The photos are good and the there’s that ring you found too.” Jake decided, turning to walk to the direction of the front gate. In all honesty, he just couldn’t bring himself to got to that spot in the grass; but he couldn’t just say that to Jungwon.

“Sounds good to me, I wanna take a shower, the bush was gross.” Jungwon said, jogging to catch up to Jake. the boys walked to the entrance of the school.

“Wait! I want to get a picture!” Jungwon insisted, pulling out his camera to get a photo of the reflected sunset on the windows. Jake waited, leaning against the gate of the school and gazing at the building.

-

“This doesn’t seem very relevant to our investigation...” You chimed in before Jake groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Oh my God! Can you just listen? I was literally getting to the relevant part...” He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, “Don’t interrupt, Stink-ass.”

“Sorry.” you responded, promising yourself not to interrupt again until the boys were finished.

-

The school was big and made of brick and glass; but something else was catching Jake’s attention.

“Hey, that flock of crows is trying to get into the dumpster over there!” He chuckled, before jogging over to the dumpster that was on the edge of the parking lot left of the building.

“dude, its actually called a murder of crows.” Jungwon corrected, earning a ‘whatever’ from Jake, who seemed much more interested in what was attracting the crows to the dumpster. After getting a nice photo, Jungwon came over too, curiosity getting the better of him.

“It’s whatever’s in this drug store bag...” Jake deduced, pointing at the thin, white, plastic bag tied tightly on the top of the trash.

“What do you think is in there..?” Jungwon asked, voice barely above a whisper. He seemed concerned, mostly due to the big, dark spot covering the bottom of the bag.

“I guess there is only one way to find out.” Jake gulped before grabbing the bag by the handles with one finger and dropping it to the cement, “I mean, if we really want to open it...”

“What would the Mystery Gang do?” Jungwon asked, half-joking/half-seriously.

“I think they would open it.”

“Okay so lets open it then”

“You open it. I don’t want to touch it...”

“Me neither! Besides, you already touched it!”

“Yeah, so it’s your turn.”

“How about we rock paper scissors for who has to open it?”

“That sounds fair.”

-

“This is what we found in the bag, and in all honesty, I don’t feel like I should even have it because its like... actual evidence...” Jake grimaced and opened his backpack to reveal a brown paper bag.

 He rustled in it before bringing out what was inside and pinning it to the white board. The room was silent as you stared at the item, feeling a sickness bubble up into your stomach.

Pinned to the whiteboard was an over-sized, white, male’s dress shirt; all around the neckline and dripping down, soaking into the chest area was dried, brown blood that had obviously been applied wet. The cuffs of the sleeves going up the arms was also covered in the dried liquid, tainting the pure white fabric.

“What...” You begin, not really knowing what you were going to say. What you even could say.

“We have to give that to the police.” Heesung stated frantically, like it was obvious, “That’s serious piece of evidence for their investigation and we shouldn’t have that.” The rest of you didn’t respond, earning a scoff from the eldest.

“You don’t think we should keep it, right?” He asked, clearing accentuating his tone to signify how stupid he thought that idea was.

“No, I don’t think we should keep it!” You exclaimed matter-of-factly, approaching the shirt and gently touching the hem of it, “But we could get as much information we need from it...”

“You’re joking right?!” Jungwon cried, clearly disturbed.

“Look at where the... blood is.” You pointed out, having a hard time actually say the word, “If it wasn’t a vampire and was just some guy, there wouldn’t be a focus of blood on the highest part of the shirt. We need all the clues we can to find out who our secret vampire is and this shirt has some.”

“I mean, we would only have it for a little longer and then after we get all the information we can from it, we give it in, right?” Jake supported, sitting down at the makeshift table to get away from the shirt. Heesung turned to you, worry and sincerity flooding his eyes.

“(Y/N), I don’t know how comfortable I am with this...” He warned, grabbing hold of your arm, “I really think we should give this in as soon as possible, along with everything else the boys found...”

“We will.” You answered firmly, holding Heesung’s grip on your arm with the opposite hand, “Just after we get the clues we need from everything.”

“How about a vote?” Jake suggested, “All in favor of keeping the evidence for a little longer and then giving it to the police after we are done?” Jake raised his hand, followed by you raising yours. 

“All in favor of giving it to the police right after this vote?” Heesung countered and raised his hand. The three of you then looked to the youngest boy who had not voted for either.

“Jungwon?” You asked, and he looked at you and you could see the inner conflict he was going through in his head.

“We give it back as soon as we are done..?” Jungwon asked hesitantly, playing with the cuffs of his jacket nervously.

“As soon as we finish documenting all the information we need.” You reassured, “Not a minute longer than needed.” Jungwon nodded along to your words, hummed and bit his bottom lip out of habit. He tapped his foot, deep in thought before finally nodding again.

“Okay, but only if we don’t touch it without gloves or something so we don’t wreck the police evidence...” Jungwon finally decided, to which you quickly agreed to his terms.

“I guess it can’t be helped,” Heesung sighed, brushing his hair back to release his stress, “but just for the record, I’m not touching any of that and this is a bad idea...”

“Noted.” Jake finalized before standing and making his way to the door, “I’m going to sneak to the biology lab to get some gloves and tweezers to start looking for clues, you guys should start photographing the things we are giving to the police.”

With tasks assigned you all got to work in documenting any clues you felt could lead you to the identity of the vampire.

--------------

(figure) skater boy: Hey, do you mind if we are at my house again today for our session? Coach switched practice for the next two weeks...

You immediately switch directions, walking towards the front as opposed to the library where you were planning on meeting Sunghoon until he messaged you. you typed out a quick reply that consisted of the absolute poetry of ‘k’.

As you approached the lobby, you saw Sunghoon standing by the door, except he was taking to someone today. It was a guy that you had occasionally seen your tutor with, but you had never actually spoken to him before. The stranger met your gaze and smiled as you walked up to the duo.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” You said politely, turning your attention to Sunghoon with a smile.

“Not at all, (Y/N).” He reassured, before motioning to the stranger, “ Have you met my friend Jay?” 

“I have not.” You confirm, reaching your hand out to shake the other man’s hand, “I’m (Y/N), I tutor your friend.”

“Jay. I’m friends with your tutor.” Jay joked, taking your hand and shaking it. Feeling nervous, you look at the floor before finding the perfect thing to say to be less awkward.

“Woah! I love your boots! They look really cool.” You gushed, not taking your gaze off Jay’s feet. He was wearing a pair of combat boots that went up to his mid calf, and they looked to be made of an expensive material with shiny silver buckles on them.

“Hey thanks!” He chuckled in response, tilting his foot to model them, “I ordered them custom made because I thought they’d look cooler with my own personal touch, y’know?” You hummed in response, before feeling a tug at your sleeve, gaining your attention.

“We should get going if we are going to finish the biology assignment.” Sunghoon urged then turning to his friend and smiling, “See you! I’ll message you after practice.” Jay nodded in agreement before sending you off with a ‘nice to meet you’.

You begin the walk to Sunghoon’s place in silence before you decide to break it like you did yesterday.

“Jay seems nice.” You stated simply, hoping talking about his friend would help Sunghoon open up more, “How long have you been friends?”

“A couple of years now.” Sunghoon responded before smirking to himself, “You like him?”

“Sure, he seems pretty chill.” You said, given that you only had about a minute to interact with the guy.

“He’s a good guy.” Sunghoon finalized, looking out into the distance seemingly in thought, “He’s the kind of guy to have your back no matter what.” You hummed in response, falling silent as you walked towards Sunghoon’s apartment. 

Maybe it was the fact that you were going to his house, but you felt that maybe you’d become a bit closer with the introverted boy. Maybe he at least didn’t dislike you, but you were certain he didn’t like you. But maybe that could change, just given a bit more time.

You were pulled out of your thoughts due to Sunghoon roughly grabbing your arm and pulling you to the left, just narrowly avoiding walking into the busy street. You stumbled a bit, catching your balance on Sunghoon’s shoulder.

“Watch where you’re going!” He huffed, clearly anxious, “Gosh, I thought maybe you didn’t know we had to turn here, but I didn’t expect you to try to walk into traffic.”

“Sorry, I was totally zoned out,” You apologized, letting your grip loosen from his shoulder. You both continued to walk, but he didn’t let go of your arm. For some reason you felt a warm feeling bubble up in your chest from the contact, “Thanks for yanking me to safety though.”

“Did I pull you too hard? Sorry about that, I was just worried.”

“Don’t worry about it, you were just helping me not get hit by a car.”

“Pay more attention next time. You must have been thinking about something important to zone out that badly...”

You blushed, realizing that you were in fact, thinking about Sunghoon and if he was your friend or not.

“Oh? You’re blushing. You must have been thinking about something embarrassing.” Sunghoon teased, finally letting go of you. You surprisingly felt disappointed in this action, “Maybe it was your boyfriend..?” You turned to him, confusion and embarrassment flooding your features.

“Boyfriend? I know you’re not talking about me...” You joked, looking at the sidewalk beneath your feet as you trudged along. It was Sunghoon’s turn to be confused and he tilted his head and stared at you.

“Aren’t you dating someone?” He asked to which you shook your head no; you could feel the shame of this conversation burn up from the base of your neck.

“What about the guy that picked you up on Tuesday that you always hang out with?” Sunghoon questioned you, to which you burst out laughing from the misunderstanding.

“Jake?” You spat between a fit of laughter, “No way! He’s a really good friend that’s all.” It was Sunghoon’s turn to be mortified, his ears turning red as his eyes darted anywhere but you.

“Ahhhh! I’m sorry for jumping to conclusion, you guys just seemed really close at school and the he picked you up and I just assumed and-” He rambled before you cut him off.

“It’s okay. I understand why people might think that,” You assured before smiling to yourself, “He’s my Jay.”

“Your Jay?” Sunghoon asked, finally able to turn and look at you. You catch his gaze and give him a soft smile.

“The best kind of friend that would do anything for you.” You explained simply, “My Jay.” Sunghoon seemed to understand your comparison, smirking to himself because of the cute analogy.

Soon, you make it to Sunghoon’s apartment and begin your biology work. You immediately sat on the sofa this time, not fumbling with the floor; this time, you were conscious of how close he sat beside you, the warmth of his body radiating on your side. It made you anxious suddenly, having him this close to you. You were self-conscious of everything, like how your breath smelled or the way your hair laid. This feeling was one that you couldn’t seem to shake, no matter how hard you tried to focus on teaching Sunghoon about DNA; it was driving you bonkers

“Can I use your bathroom?” You asked, bouncing your knee nervously. He nodded and motioned to the door on the left before continuing working on the question you were on. You quickly shuffled into the bathroom and locked the door behind you, taking a deep breath. You washed your hands and looked up to fix you hair in the mirror.

Only, there wasn’t a mirror there. It was just a blank wall in front of the sink.

You frowned, blinking a couple of times to make sure you weren’t just seeing things. When you finally reached out and touched the wall you finally confirmed you weren’t crazy and there really was just no bathroom mirror.

Drying your hands and heading back to the living room, you debated bringing up the bathroom mirror. Maybe he just broke it and hadn’t bought a replacement yet?

Thinking that it was no big deal, you dropped it and decided to focus on the task at hand. Sunghoon had finished the problem you were on before you left and had moved on to the next one. The whole mirror situation had shaken you from whatever you felt earlier and you were finally able to focus on biology; so much in fact that you finished the assignment early.

“You can stay a bit longer... If you want.” Sunghoon offered, biting his bottom lip and leaning forward on the sofa, “If you’ve got stuff to do, I understand too.”

“I can stay for a bit.” You agreed, putting all of your things in a neat pile by the door before taking a seat on the opposite end of the sofa as Sunghoon, “Besides, I was supposed to be here teaching anyways. And it’s not like I have a ‘boyfriend’ dying to see me.” Sunghoon buried his head in his hands and groaned, making you giggle from the successful teasing.

“I’m so sorry about that, honestly.” He apologized again before cracking an shy grin, “I just though since you spent time with him and you’re...” He trailed off shaking his head from the thought, ears turning a nice shade of pink.

“Oh wow, was Sunghoon going to say something nice to me?” You gasped, placing your hand on your chest dramatically, “Could it be that, THE Park Sunghoon doesn’t hate his biology tutor?”

“Of course I don’t hate you, I assumed we were friends!” He exclaimed.

“Friends? If we were friends, I would have known more about you.” You countered.

“Like what?”

“How about the fact that I just learned you live in an apartment, have old antique couches, and that you figure skate less than a week ago, yet I’ve tutored you all year.”

“Okay that’s fair.”

“And how about the fact that we don’t hang out other than tutoring? Not very friend-like...”

“Okay I get your point. But maybe we should.”

“Should what?”

“Hang out.”

Sunghoon shifted his weight, turning to you before saying something you never expected in a million years.

“I have a competition this weekend, do you maybe want to come watch?” Sunghoon asked, smiling sweetly at you. You taken-aback for a moment, thinking you misheard the boy in front of you. He really wanted to see you outside of tutoring?

“I.. uhh.” You stammered, blinking a couple of times before grinning up at him, “Sure. I’d love to come and cheer you on.”

“Cool. And don’t worry, Jay’ll be there too!” Sunghoon reassured you, “So that way, you wont be all alone when I’m on the ice.” 

You replied with a small ‘cool’, feeling like your soul left your body. All this time, you were worried the guy didn’t like you when it turns out that he thought you guys were friends the whole time. It made you feel good that he actually wanted to see you, a sense of pride burning in your chest.

“Well, I better get ready for practice...” Sunghoon said, subtly hinting in it being your time to leave. You caught his drift and stood, making your way to the door and picking up all your gathered things.

“I better text Jake to come get me.” You responded from the door, slipping your bag over your shoulder.

“Does he usually drive you home from our sessions?” Sunghoon asked, leaning his back against the kitchen counter, seemingly like he was about to prepare food right after you left.

“He didn’t,” You replied, shifting from foot to foot, “but since you live far from me and.... well... there was that guy Geonu a couple days ago so you can never be too careful.”

You see Sunghoon visibly stiffen at the mention of Geonu. His smile falters for a fraction of a second before he approaches you at the door. He helps you with your things and opens it for you.

“It was a terrible thing that happened to him.” Sunghoon said weakly, voice barely above a whisper as he holds the door for you, “I hope whatever monster did that to him pays for what they did.” 

You walk out into the hallway before turning back to face Sunghoon, Feeling a strange sense of dread leaving the apartment. He was smiling, but you could tell it was fake. Why...

“Stay safe (Y/N).” Sunghoon warned before waving, “Have a good night. I’ll text you about my competition later tonight!” You waved back, turning away from his door and walking down the hall to the elevator. Once in the small, confined box, you shook away that sense of dread.

“Get in loser.” Jake called to you from the red hunk of trash he called is car. Hopping in, you quickly did up your seat-belt and Jake was off.

“So, how was tutoring with pretty boy?” Jake asked in a sing-song voice. Ever since he found out about your tutor, he teased you relentlessly, calling him ‘pretty boy’ and saying some obscene remarks about how much “””work””” you guys do.

“Good.” You stated simply before grinning to yourself, “He invited me to watch his figure skating competition this weekend.”

“What! That’s totally a date!” Jake exclaimed, pushing your shoulder over and over, “(Y/N)’s got a date, (Y/N)’s got a date~”

“Shut up! It’s not a date, dumb-ass.” You pushed Jake back, shaking your head, “His friend Jay is going too, so it’s just a friend thing because we are friends.”

“Pretty boy has a friend?” Jake asked, seemingly confused, “I thought he was a loner; Shy boy style...”

“Of course he has a friend,” You scoffed, rolling your eyes a Jake, “For your information, I met him today and complimented his really cool custom boots.” Jake seemed interested in that comment, perking up at the mention of shoes.

“That reminds me! I went searching online for the treads of our vampire’s shoes.” Jake informed you, quickly catching your attention, “But I couldn’t find anything that looked remotely close to the footprint.”

“Really?” You asked before humming in response, thinking about what to do, “Maybe you haven’t looked for the right brand?”

“There doesn’t seem to be any brand like our vampire’s shoes, but I’ll keep searching.” Jake sighed, “So far, all of the major brands were busts because they have their own distinct styles.” You tried to remember back to the photo of the footprint, thinking about if there were any distinct marking on the tread. But to no avail, your brain couldn’t produce an image of value.

“That’s really odd...” You said flatly, deep in thought, but turn to your friend with a sympathetic look in your eyes, “But I appreciate all the work you’re doing to find the evidence.”

Jake let out a small, defeated ‘thanks’ before slowing to a stop. You get out of his car (not without an awkward, sitting down car hug) and scurry inside your house, waving frantically to your friend as he pulled away.

---------------

“Did you hear the news? Apparently there was another attack down by 42 St.” Jungwon exclaimed, catching your attention from the sudden news, “They didn’t die, but the victim was hospitalized and is in serious condition...”

You had gathered in the lunch room at your usual table; it was just you and Jungwon for the moment as Heesung was busy doing a make-up exam in History.

“Hey, pretty boy lives pretty close to there!” Jake revealed, returning from a bathroom break with a bag of chips and an ice tea. He sits beside you and fiddles with the plastic bag.

“Who?” Jungwon asked, tilting his head like a puppy out of confusion.

“Sunghoon.” You replied before chewing your cuticle anxiously.

“Yes?” a voice from behind you asked, causing you and Jake to whip around to reveal the man himself. He was standing with Jay and another boy you hadn’t met before.

“Oh, we were just talking about the attack that was on the news.” Jungwon explained, glancing between you and your friend tutor. Jay stiffened, looking like he’d just seen a ghost while Sunghoon glanced between his friends.

“I heard about that,” The other boy said; he had a cute face and raven black hair that gave him a mature aura despite his adorable features, “It was only a block from your house, right Hoonie?” The group was silent, but you watched as Jay shifted his weight from foot to foot. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty close...” Sunghoon confirmed. He seemed slightly awkward, but you guessed it was because he probably wasn’t used to all the attention being on him. Jay seemed much more uncomfortable though, looking anywhere but your table. He chewed on his bottom lip before swinging his arm around Sunghoon’s shoulder.

“We should get going.” He urged, before smiling politely to you, “See you at the competition tomorrow (Y/N).” You nodded and grinned at Jay, noticing his strange behavior.

“Stay safe, Sunghoon.” You warned, earning you a soft smile from your tutor.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He replied before the boys were off, going to sit in the corner table where Sunghoon usually was found. You turned back to your friends and they looked at you expectantly.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one who thought they looked uncomfortable...” Jungwon said, eyes darting back and forth between you and Jake.

“No, they were definitely uncomfortable.” Jake said and turned to you, “What was with that Jay guy? He looked like he wanted to sprint out of here as soon as we brought the vampire subject up...”

“I don’t know.” You frowned, glancing over to their table where they seemed to be back to normal, joking and laughing, “When I first met him he seemed pretty chill but he was super on edge the whole time he was here...” Your table fell silent, cogs turning in your brain that you weren’t sure you wanted turning. Your thought process was interrupted by Heesung sliding into the chair next to Jungwon.

“Hey nerds, I just failed that History test.” Heesung said nonchalantly before switching his demeanor upon noticing your serious moods, “What’s up? You all look like you saw a ghost!”

“Hey (Y/N), you said Jay had custom boots,” Jake asked slowly, hinting at exactly what you were thinking. You nodded looking between the boys, “do you think the treads would be custom too..?”

“We think we just met our suspect for the vampire incident.” Jungwon revealed, causing the lingering tension to suffocate your group and fill your stomach with worry.

-----------------

“You know the plan right?” Heesung asked, leaning forward from the backseat of Jake’s car.

 It was 2:00 on a Saturday and you were just outside the rink in Jake’s car with the boys; you were supposed to be going to the rink to support Sunghoon but because of the groups suspicions, you take it upon yourself as president of the PAC to do some spy work on the suspected vampire Jay. 

“Of course I know the plan.” You rolled you eyes, going to open the door to get out before a flurry of ‘aye’s came from the three boys in the red car with you.

“We should go over it again once more to be sure.” Jungwon suggested, agreement coming from the other two boys. You sighed, but retraced your hand from the door handle

“Okay so you need to get his shoe size and look for burn marks from the silver ring.” Jake re-iterated for what seemed like the tenth time.

“A confession would also be useful,” Heesung stated, “But those first two things would be most important.”

“Also, check the tread to see if the shoe is actually the one we’re looking for.” Jungwon added.

“And make sure you bring up the attacks and see how he reacts.” Jake pipped in.

“and-”

“Guys,” You interrupted, clearly annoyed at how they don’t think you already know all that, “I’ve got it.”

“This is really important (Y/N), don’t let the club down.” Heesung said and grabbed your shoulder reassuringly. You nodded to your group, trying your hardest to exude confidence before opening the door and stepping out.

“Oh yeah, one last thing,” Jake called out to you before you shut the door, grinning from ear to ear, “Have fun cheering on pretty boy.” You shouted that you would before hurrying into the rink, wanting to see Sunghoon before his turn.

Ever since he said he’d text you about the competition, you had began to text back and forth nonstop. You were really starting to enjoy his company and for some reason, you couldn’t help but smile whenever you’d get a notification from him. That’s why the whole thing with Jay was so hard...

You didn’t want to jeopardize the relationship you had with Sunghoon because his best friend was allegedly a vampire. As much as you hated to admit, you really were starting to like Sunghoon and you wanted to become even closer friends with him; and you were pretty sure straight up accusing Jay of murder would not bode well for your relationship with Sunghoon....

As you entered the skating rink, you first felt a blast of coolness from the low temperatures. The second thing you felt was excitement because you could see Sunghoon tying up his skates on one of the benches across the arena. Even from across the room, you noted how beautiful he looked and you finally understood why Jake’s nickname for him was ‘pretty boy’. He wore tight fitted black pants that accentuated his long legs and a rich, red coloured shirt that made him look like a prince. 

Tearing your eyes from Sunghoon, you scanned the crowd to find Jay; you see him sitting with the boy from yesterday and yet another unknown guy in one of the very front rows. How many other friends did Sunghoon have?

You scurry over to them, before poking Jay in the shoulder.

“Is this seat taken?” You asked with a smile, causing all the boys to turn and look at you. Jay smiled and scooted over, making room for you between him and the cute boy from yesterday.

“Hey (Y/N).” He greeted as you sat down, “Glad you could make it.”

“He’s on the ice now!” The newest boy pointed out, watching as his friend got onto the ice to warm up.

“Oh yeah, you must not know these two knuckleheads,” Jay said casually, getting the attention of the two boys he was accompanying, “Don’t be shy, fellas.” 

“I’m Ni-ki.” The newest boy greeted shyly. If it was possible, he seemed even more shy than Sunghoon, eyes meeting yours for a moment before looking back out at the ice.

“My name’s Sunoo!” The cute boy from yesterday sing-songed, grabbing your hand and shaking it excitedly, “So you’re the (Y/N) Sunghoon won’t shut up about?” Jay shoved his overly excited friend for revealing that Sunghoon talked about you. You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought of Sunghoon gushing about you to his friends like a schoolgirl, but tried your best to act cool about it and like you definitely didn’t care.

Speaking of Sunghoon, there was a knock on the plexi-glass that got your attention; He stood on the ice, adorning the biggest smile you think you’ve ever seen on him. You got up and walked towards him, followed by the three other boys.

“You made it!” Sunghoon cheered, although his voice was muffled through the layer of glass between you two.

“Well, I was pretty busy, but I managed to squeeze this into my schedule.” You teased, checking your nails for the dramatic effect. The boy on the ice just chuckled at your teasing, the sound causing you to smile.

“Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it.” He thanked you sincerely.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.” You said sweetly before cracking a goofy grin, “It’ll be nice to see you do something besides fail at biology.”

“Good luck out there buddy!” Jay encouraged, giving his friend a fist-bump through the glass.

“I’m sure you’ll be great.” Ni-ki assured, nodding at the boy on the ice before retreating to his seat.

“We’ll be cheering you on Hoonie!” Sunoo exclaimed, making a fist before returning to his seat as well. Sunghoon waved as he skated back to the bench to prepare for his turn, which would be happening in less that five minutes.

“After you.” You gesture for Jay to go first, swaying your hands dramatically towards the isle.

“Thank you.” He bowed, before going to his seat. You are then reminded of the task at hand, and you make a mental note to ask Jay some of the questions you prepared, trying your best to come off as natural. You sat back down in your spot between him and Sunoo.

“So, how have you been?” you asked nonchalantly, “Busy week?”

“Not really.” Jay answered simply, “Mostly schoolwork and then hanging with these dudes. You?”

“Well, just tutoring and managing my club.” You said, grinning sweetly at the boy.

“You have a club?” Sunoo gasped, before pouting, “I wish I had my own club...”

“What kind of club is it?” Jay asked, seemingly interested in what you had to say.

“It’s called the Paranormal Activities Club. PAC for short. We meet every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at around 4:00” You explained, glancing at Jay as you continues, “We talk about all sorts of paranormal stuff like ghosts, werewolves, demons... vampires...” Jay shifts in his seat at the mention of monsters, and you of course take notice of this.

“That’s really cool.” Ni-ki admitted, smirking at you before looking away.

“Yeah... cool.” Jay agreed, a hesitance slightly present in his tone.

“Do you believe in anything like that, Jay?” You asked, relaxing your demeanor and trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible.

“Me?” He said and cleared his throat, “Not really. It’s possible, but super unlikely...” You hummed in response, taking note of how he copied your stance by relaxing his back and opening his legs a bit more to seem comfortable. He wouldn’t meet your gaze though.

Interesting...

Just as you were about to say something else, The announcer came over the loud speaker and announced that it was time for the next skater to go and Sunghoon skated out to the center of the rink and stood in front of the judges. He bowed before doing a half a lap and gliding the other half with his arms spread, greeting the crowd. You clapped along with everyone else, making a mental note to put the whole vampire situation on pause and focus on Sunghoon.

He returned to the center where he waited; the music began. It was a a soft piano track and it filled the rink with the sweet melody. Sunghoon then began to skate and you could swear you felt all the air leave your lungs. 

As he glided, Sunghoon twisted and turn on his blades, spreading his arms like a delicate swan. As the song grew to a peak, He dug one of his blades into the ice and used it seemingly as a launchpad, jumping and spinning in the air like gravity didn’t effect him. As the song continued, he swiveled on one of his feet before jumping and spinning again; your eyes followed him, in awe at how beautiful and graceful he moved around on the ice. He then spun in one spot, long leg outstretched at a perfect 90 degree angle before transitioning into holding  his blade and creating a ring with his body, all while continuing his turns. You watched, almost in a trance as he moved along with the symphony, skating right by the crowd and right past the judges before launching into another jump. As the song came to a close, Sunghoon got into his finishing stance, which was his arms outstretched forward and sliding on one knee towards the judges, a 5-star smile on his face. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest from his performance, taking a moment to calm down before applauding your tutor friend. (Did I watch a ton of vids on Sunghoon skating today? Yes.)

“He did fantastic.” You whisper breathlessly to Jay, who stands and starts to holler at his friend.

“He did.” Jay responded, showing a sense of pride for his best friend. The boys yell words of encouragement to Sunghoon as he bows to the judges and then to the crowd. You catch his gaze and feel a certain swell in your chest when he smiles just a bit brighter at you.

~~~

“You were gliding across the ice like ‘swooooshh’ and then you jumped up and spun like ‘trrrrt’!” Ni-ki gushed, rotating his finger as you were standing by the dressing room to congratulate Sunghoon. He looked even more beautiful up close, handsome features glowing in the place he’s most comfortable.

“You were awesome Hoonie!” Sunoo agreed, smiling so bright his eyes basically disappeared in his eye smiles.

“Thank you guys, really.” Sunghoon said out of breath, brushing his sweaty locks off his forehead, “I’m glad you all came to cheer for me.”

“Of course,” Jay scoffed, “What kind of friends don’t support their friend?”

“You should have seen (Y/N) watch you,” Sunoo exposed, moving aside to make room for you to talk to Sunghoon comfortably, “She couldn’t take her eyes off of you, and stared like this.” He then did an over-dramatized of you, eyes sparkling and jaw open so wide you thought he was trying to eat an invisible cheeseburger. You felt your face heat up out of embarrassment before Jay shoves Sunoo to get him to quit.

“For the record, I did not watch you like that.” You corrected, before grinning and holding out your hand for a high-five, “But you were really cool.” Sunghoon’s already flush cheeks reddened at your comment before letting out a small ‘thank you’ and lightly high-fiving you. When your hand touched Sunghoon’s, you felt a jolt of electricity and it made you giddy.

“Should we go out for pizza or something? To celebrate?” Ni-ki suggested, earning a murmur of agreements from the group. Sunghoon mentioned he had to go change and you were secretly upset by this. Just because you were friends didn’t mean you couldn’t think he was attractive right? He looked so good in that costume, the tight-fitting pants and loose shirt that left only a little to the imagination. You ogled his exposed collarbones for a moment more as he was talking to Jay about if he’d place; Although you had just now notice something that was there.

Right above his right collarbone, there seemed to be a small burn-mark that was previously covered with makeup but now was visible due to Sunghoon’s sweat. It wasn’t very big, but it looked like it was in a starburst shape and you wondered what could have caused it. Maybe a cooking accident with oil?

The ice price disappeared in the change room and you and the rest of the boys waited out front in the lobby. When Sunghoon did emerge from the change room, you all wasted no time and began to make your way to the closest pizza joint. You walked beside Jay, watching the other two boys tease Sunghoon in-front of you.

“So...” You said, trying to fill the silence; You didn’t know how to transition in to vampire talk so effortlessly. It was a weird topic to bring up out of the blue and you didn’t know how to ask Jay about his shoes without seeming like you had a foot fetish.

“Yeah..?” Jay asked before chuckling, “You okay? You look a little on edge; something on your mind perhaps?” Perfect.

“Well, its a little late and there have been a few attacks recently...” You said wearily, stealing glaces at the boy beside you.

“Oh yeah, there have been.” Jay gulped, brushing his hair out of his eyes, “But you’ll be okay if you stay close to us.”

“Me and my club suspect its a vampire.” You stated bluntly, wanting to see how Jay would react; he stiffens, but overall keeps a good composure.

“Really?” He chuckled dryly, “That’s interesting.”

“I know you don’t believe in that kind of stuff though.”

“yeah...”

“But we are pretty serious about it. We are just trying to find out who the vampire is.”

“Do you have a suspect?”

“yeah.” You answered and turned to him, pausing before speaking slowly, “We actually do have one...”

Jay stared at you, panic concealed in his glossed over eyes. Before he could speak, the boys lead you into the restaurant.You drop the conversation as you enter the building. You all squish into a corner booth and Ni-ki orders a pizza for all of you to share.

“what’s wrong Jay? you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Sunoo asked concerned, placing his hand on his friends shoulder.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Jay said flatly, glancing at you before smiling, “I just can’t wait to eat.”

“Dude, I’m so hungry!” Ni-ki sighed, patting his stomach for emphasis.

“I’m not actually, so I think I’ll just hang out.” Sunghoon revealed, grinning softly. You were pressed next to him in the booth and for some reason you felt nervous.

 It must have been the vampire thing. 

Definitely.

Why else would you be nervous?

“What?” Sunoo exclaimed, “How could you not be hungry? You’ve exercised all day!”

“Not sure, but I’m good on the food.” Sunghoon explained, “I think I’ll just get an ice tea.”

Just then the pizza arrived and you all (besides Sunghoon) began eating. Lots of fun was had and you swear you felt like you were with your own friend group. The boys made you laugh and you felt pretty comfortable around them, even though you had just met Ni-ki and Sunoo today.

Not long after, it was dark and you and the boys had finished the pizza and it was time for you to go home; You still hadn’t gotten any information about Jay’s shoes or a confession about vampire activities. But you had an idea to maybe reveal some information, though you didn’t really want to do it...

As you guys stood up from the table, you “accidentally” knocked over Sunghoon’s half-drunken ice tea all over your shoes, drenching your feet and the surrounding carpet with the sticky drink.

“Ahhh!” You whined, feeling the coldness of the drink seeping into your socks. The boys reacted as quick as possible, picking up the glass and informing a waitress about the accident. You guys left the restaurant, embarrassed; You sat outside on the pavement, wringing your socks out, giggling about how silly the situation was. Now was the time to really get the information you need.

“What am I gonna do about walking home?” You sighed before looking at Jay playfully, “Maybe Jay will let me borrow his super cool boots! What size are they anyways?” 

Jay chuckled and looked down at his shoes before shaking his head at you.

“No way man! I don’t trust you with my babies.” Jay joked, “besides, they are a men’s size 7, so I doubt you would be able to fit into them.” That was the same size as the print at the scene...

“I know, I’m just kidding.” You chuckled, trying to hide the thought process going on in your head, “I’ll just wear these gross sneakers home!” As you began to put your shoes on, your vision is suddenly covered by a figure crouching down in front of you. 

“Hop on.” Sunghoon urged, looking over his shoulder with a smile, “You can’t live that far from here right?” You replied with a small ‘are you sure?’, to which Sunghoon nodded yes. You picked up your shoes with one hand before wrapping your arms and legs around the ice-prince. He stood up and adjusted you on his back, placing his hands around your thighs to support your body. You felt yourself become nervous, yet excited from the close contact, bringing heat to your face from these feelings. 

“See you boys tomorrow!” Sunghoon called out to the boys as you and Sunghoon prepared to leave. Ni-ki and Sunoo waved before starting their trek in the opposite direction, bickering back and forth. Jay lingered for a moment longer, feeling a sense of anxiety bubble up in his chest. Were you close to finding out about...? He didn’t like the idea of you and Sunghoon being alone, but he trusted his friend.

“You two be careful okay?” Jay said very carefully, eyes glued to his friend, “I’ll see you tomorrow Sunghoon.” And with that, he turned to leave and quickly followed after the other two boys. You tried to get a look at the bottom of his shoes, but you couldn’t see them very well in the dark and in the distance. 

You had let Sunghoon know where you lived and the two of you were off. For a bit, the only thing that could be heard was Sunghoon’s feet against the pavement and the beating of your heart in your ears. You found comfort in the smell of his cologne and the occasional street light as Sunghoon held you close.

“Hey, you didn’t have to carry me home...” You hummed, feeling slightly guilty about making Sunghoon carry you.

“Oh, my bad. I’ll just leave you here then.” He teased, loosening his grip on you. You squealed and clung onto his shoulders and let out a flurry of “no”s. He chuckled at your reaction before shifting his grip on you to hold you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around the boy tighter, burying your face in his shoulder. It was silent again, but only for a moment before you mumbled a quiet thank you; Sunghoon hummed in response, focusing on the warmth of you against his back and the thousand thoughts stirring in his head.

“Hey (Y/N), I have to ask you something.” He finally said; You had almost fell asleep on his back, focusing only on the sounds of his breathing. His statement intrigued you, causing you to perk up off of his shoulder.

“What’s up?” You said gently, tightening your grip.

“Say you had a really good friend...” He started out, voice low and serious, “and you found out they did something really bad, but it was an accident” You frowned, getting a sudden sense of dread. You suddenly felt how cold it was outside in the dark.

“What would you do?” He finally asked, “Would you stay friends with them?”

You were quiet for a minute, thinking of how to respond to this question. You had just passed the last streetlamp on the road you were walking so it was almost pitch black except for a few stars. The night atmosphere brought in a thick tension that made you feel nervous about the subject matter of Sunghoon’s question.

“I mean, I guess it really depends on what the bad thing is.” You stated, before continuing on, “But it was an accident and if I knew they were a good person, I guess I might stay friends.” Sunghoon nodded, thinking about your answer and breathing out weakly.

“Why? Did your friend do something really bad?” You asked suddenly, Jay popping into your mind. Sunghoon’s pace quickened a bit and you could feel his heart in his chest going crazy. He seemed anxious and you though about what that could mean. He adjusted his grip on you before clearing his throat.

“Nope. I was just wondering what you’d say.” He said flatly, seemingly more confident than before. You blinked a couple times, surprised by his sudden change of tone.

“Oh okay...” You replied nonchalantly, looking up to the sky and sighing, “I mean, if you did something bad on accident, I’d still be your friend because you’re a really great guy.” You didn’t even realize what you said until it came out of your mouth. You felt you face heat up and Sunghoon let out a hearty chuckle that made you even more flustered.

“Thanks I guess.” He said through giggles, Before chewing the skin on his bottom lip and responding back, “I think you’re a really great girl too.”

“Thanks” you can’t help but squeak, making you mentally want to punch yourself. There’s suddenly tension again, but for a different reason this time. Sunghoon’s grip on your legs is softer now and you notice his thumb beginning to mindlessly draw shape on your thighs. You held his broad shoulders tighter and you could feel him take a shaky breath as yours tickled the side of his neck.

But before the tension got too thick, you had arrived at your place. Sunghoon took you to the front door and let you down off of him before turning around to face you. His cheeks were red, but you were sure it wasn’t from the cold. 

“Thanks again for taking me home.” You said, feeling like your stomach was going to explode.

“Its no problem.” Sunghoon assured you, rubbing the back on his neck to get the goosebumps to go away.

“It’s pretty late, do you want me to call you a cab?”

“No I’m alright, but thanks for the offer.”

“Are you sure? I’d hate for something to happen.”

“I’m sure.”

Sunghoon bowed his head to you, bidding you a farewell. You felt your body move towards him and before you could even think to stop yourself, you did the unthinkable.

You leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek, right on the corner of his mouth and you swore you must have looked just as surprised as Sunghoon did; His eyes were wide and he looked as if he was frozen in time.

“I- uhmmmm....” You stammered before saying the stupidest thing in the universe, “Good job skating today. Goodnight!”

 Sunghoon blinked a couple of times, finally seeming to wake up.

“Uh- Thanks!” He exclaimed, clearly flustered, before turning to leave you door. He had his hand on his face where you kissed as he waved back at you with the other when he realized he needed to say goodbye, “I- uhh, Goodnight (Y/N)!” 

It was official, you wanted to die.

--------------------

“Jake, did you even listen to the rest of the story?” You huffed, embarrassed at your friends relentless teasing.

“If you didn’t want me to make fun of you,” Jake explained through fits of laughter, “You should have left the part where you awkwardly kissed pretty boy out of the story!”

You shoved Jake into room 300 because he was about to miss the turn into the classroom (and for your own personal gratification). Heesung and Jungwon were already there, putting the desks together to create your meeting table. Upon noticing your entrance they both greeted you and Jake before gazing at the cackling vice-president of PAC.

“What’s so funny?” Jungwon asked, pulling out all of the evidence photos from his backpack. Jake sighed, wiping a tear away and finally able to catch his breath.

“I mean, you should ask (Y/N).” He chuckled, “I’m sure she’s dying to explain.” You rolled your eyes, trying to fight your body from heating up.

“Nothing new, Jake just bullying me.” You shook your head and took your seat at the head of the table. After setting up the rest of the evidence, the boys sat down too and you officially started the meeting.

“Alright, so here’s what I got to find out about our suspect.” You said and went up to the whiteboard. You picked up a black dry erase marker and wrote Jay’s name before underlining it.

“First, when we were at the rink, I mentioned our club and asked if he believed in paranormal things and he said no, but with hesitation.” You said and wrote down a summary of what you said, “Then, when I mentioned the attacks, he got really antsy, especially after I mentioned that we were investigating for a vampire.”

“So no confession I presume?” Heesung asked, jotting notes down as you went along to keep your encounter documented after club was over and you had to erase the board.

“No, but he was very defensive any time I brought the vampire stuff up.” You explained and the boys nodded.

“And the other boys, you said they were named Sunoo and Ni-ki..?” Jungwon asked and you hummed in response, “Did they do anything suspicious?”

“Not a thing.” You said simply, “Sunoo seemed more worried about the attacks than I did. And Ni-ki was a bit more focused on pizza and figure skating than engaging in conversation.”

“However,” You continued before writing your thoughts on the board, “I have reason to believe Sunghoon knows about Jay being a vampire.”

“You do?” Heesung said, shocked at your accusation, “Why?”

“Well, I wanted to get more information about Jay’s boots, but I couldn’t bring up shoes without seeming weird so long story short, I dumped ice tea on my sneakers and Sunghoon took me home.” You said before writing a side note, “Oh and for your information, Jay’s shoe size is a 7 in men’s,  but I couldn’t get a good look at the treads.”

“Okay, that useful information.” Jungwon said and jotted that down, “But continue.”

“Anyways, He had asked me if I would stay friends with someone if they did something really bad, but I knew it was on accident.” You explained, writing the point form of that conversation on the board, “So I suspect he knows about Jay and doesn’t know what to do, stay friends or turn him in.”

“I mean, that is an oddly specific question.” Jungwon agreed, furrowing his eyebrows in thought, “Why would you ask someone that unless you specifically have an experience to go by.”

“Anything else happen?” Heesung asked, looking at you expectantly.

“Yeah (Y/N), anything else happen?” Jake, who had been quiet this whole time asked, eyes fluttering and a grin on his face. You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Relevant to the investigation, no.” You said before sighing, “But I also gave Sunghoon a really awkward kiss on the cheek, but that’s irreverent.”

The room went up in a flurry, and you could have swore you wouldn’t have gotten a bigger reaction if you said you had found Jay to be the vampire. All the boys were talking at once and it was so loud, you almost didn’t hear a knock at the door. You shushed them before going to the door and opening it to reveal the man you were just talking about.

“Uh, hi...” Sunghoon greeted shyly. The rest of the boys peered over your shoulder to eavesdrop on the conversation until Sunghoon met their gaze, to which they looked anywhere but the doorway. You’re gaze dropped, not being able to his face, feeling the heat of nervousness and embarrassment creep up your neck.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked, suddenly aware of all of the writing you had on  the whiteboard; You pulled the door a bit closer, blocking most of the room.

“I just wanted to uhh.... I wanted to talk to you about something.” Sunghoon mumbled, clearly nervous. The boys let out a loud ‘oooOooOoOOoO’ from behind you and you reminded yourself to hit them later. You rolled your eyes feeling bad for how your friends were being.

“Sure, let’s just go out into the hallway.” You said and closed the door behind you. It was quite out there and you finally had the courage to bring your gaze back up to his face. Your eyes settled on the spot where you had kissed him a couple nights ago and you couldn’t help the butterflies from fluttering around in your stomach.

“Before you say anything,” You sighed, trying your best to hide your embarrassment, “I’m sorry about Saturday night. I totally don’t even know what I was thinking doing that and-”

“Oh please don’t apologize!” Sunghoon interrupted frantically, before clearing this throat and fiddling with an envelope; You hadn’t even noticed he was holding it until now.

“I mean, I don’t mind you kissing me like that...” He said timidly, smirking to himself before holding the envelope out for you to take. You do take it, feeling the red wax seal on the front, “I wanted to give you that. But please don’t read it yet!”

“Alright, I’ll wait to read it.” You agreed and gripped the paper tightly, “Is that all..?”

“Well, I was also wondering if you want to come over later today?” He asked, biting his bottom lip; your eyes were trained to his mouth, but instead of his lips, you were focused on his pointed canine teeth; how cute that he had little “fangs”!

“Yeah, I’d love to, but as a date..?” You asked timidly, rocking back and forth on your feet. Sunghoon blinked and gazed at the ground, ears red.

“If you want it to be, I’d like that too...” He said and you nodded, feeling like your heart was about to explode, “So I guess just be in the lobby of my apartment by 8 and bring the letter. Please don’t read it until then.”

“I promise.” You agreed again, smiling like an idiot, “I guess I’ll see you later.”

Sunghoon said goodbye and gave you a kiss, much like you did to him a few nights ago; Only this time, his lips attached to your mouth for a moment and you felt like you could die happy. Except he tasted oddly metallic, but you were too excited to care. He waved goodbye and scurried down the hallway and disappeared from your sight.

You go back into the classroom and are met with three pairs of eyes on you. You stared at the boys and they stared back in silence.

“So are we gonna talk about pretty boy asking you out or..?” Jake finally said and you scoffed, approaching them.

“Let’s just get back to work on things that matter!” You huffed, but couldn’t stop the grin from gracing your features.

~~~

Ice Prince: you’re almost here?

You text back a reply and quickly close your phone. Jake glanced at you before patting your shoulder reassuringly while keeping is focus on the road.

“Hey, everything will be fine.” He said and smiled, “I mean, I think you’ll probably spill water all over his floor and probably trip in the elevator, but I guess he’s into girls like that.”

“Oh god, don’t jinx me.” You groaned, pulling down the flip-up mirror in Jake’s car to check your makeup one last time. You take a tube of lip-chap out of your bag and apply another layer, worried about your lips being crusty. Jake chuckled and parked in front of Sunghoon’s building, flipping the mirror up and startling you in the process.

“You look great, dude.” He said simply and gives you a lopsided grin, “Just breathe and be yourself and everything will go great.” You take a deep breath in and thank Jake before giving him a hug.

“Hey, when you tell me all about it later, make sure to leave out all the kissing parts.” He teased, grimacing as you got out of the car, “I don’t need to hear about you and pretty boy swapping spit.”

“If I knew you’d be so jealous of me, I would have set you two up instead.” You grinned and walked towards the front door, thanking Jake for the ride before entering the lobby.

(Y/N): I’m here!

Ice Prince: Be right there to see you :)

Ice Prince: Did you bring the letter?

After reading the last message, you texted back a quick ‘yes’. Just then, the elevator doors opened to reveal Sunghoon, who beamed when he saw you. He looked almost as ethereal as when he was on the ice (almost).

He had his hair parted in the middle and a simple, over-sized white dress shirt tucked into his black jeans. The shirt felt somewhat familiar, but you couldn’t place where you’d seen one like that...

“Hey.” He said, shakiness evident in his voice, “You look so beautiful...”

“Oh thanks.” You replied, trying to hide your nervousness, “I think you look beautiful- I! Uhhhh mean handsome! You look really handsome...”

You mentally facepalmed yourself, but it must have been showing in your features because Sunghoon laughed, releasing all the tension in the room. After all, this was your calculus tutor and a friend you were with. He lead you into the elevator. Sunghoon lived on one of the top floors on his apartment complex, so you'd be in there for a minute; Sunghoon took the time to try and ease his nerves, staring at the doors and humming a soft tune.

You glanced in the mirror in the elevator, wanting to make sure your hair was perfect. And that’s when you saw it; more accurately, didn’t see it...

You were alone in the reflection.

Feeling like your eyes were deceiving you, you turned back to see Sunghoon standing there, humming away without a care in the world. You turned back to the mirror and saw that he wasn’t in the mirror. You felt your stomach drop as everything clicked together.

No mirrors in his house, the burn on his collarbone, not eating after the competition, his question that night, the metallic taste of his lips, and that stupid shirt...

“Come on (Y/N),” Sunghoon beckoned from the hallway; you hadn’t realized the doors opened and he was waiting for you. Sunghoon smiled and your eyes snapped to his sharp canines you had noticed earlier today, “Sorry, was I interrupting your daydream?”

“Not at all.” You said nervously, leaving the elevator and following Sunghoon to his place. You had to fight the urge to run away from him and not let him be alone with you in his apartment; he could be trapping you and every instinct was screaming run.

But you were curious about him. If he really was... then as the president of PAC, you needed to know. 

“Hey (Y/N), you don’t have to be afraid.” He whispered, facing his door and opening it. He held his door open to you and softly grinned, which filled you with comfort, “Its just me.”

You entered his apartment and everything looked like it had the last time you were here. It had felt like ages ago now.

You sat on the couch, feeling surprisingly calm; But you always had felt pretty calm around Sunghoon (up until recently when you started getting butterflies because of your feelings), so it made sense.

“Do you want anything?” He called from the kitchen casually, like he does when you study here. He was looking in the fridge, as if he didn’t notice the change in your behavior.

“No, I’m alright.” You hummed, sitting with your hands in you lap; the atmosphere was thick, and you watched as Sunghoon closed the fridge and approached the couch and sat beside you, “So, what do you have planned?”

“First things first, I want to address that letter I gave you,” He said and looked at your bag that was still around your shoulder; You moved it and went to take the letter out of it, shuffling around in the bag, “And then maybe we can go out somewhere or watch a movie or whatever you want.”

“Sounds good, I have it right here.” You said, still looking for it in your bag. You ducked your head to look in your bag for it, surprised you hadn’t felt it yet, but you couldn’t see it in there, “It should be in here... somewhere...”

Sunghoon watched as you start taking things out of your bag until it was empty; no letter.

“I could have sworn I brought it!” You huffed, frustrated and embarrassed you forgot the one thing you needed, “I’m so sorry. but maybe you can just tell me what it said..?”

“ahhh of course this would happen...” Sunghoon sighed, chuckling to himself, looking at the velvet cushion of the couch, “I can’t believe I have to grow the courage to actually say it, but you needed to know.”

“Maybe you don’t have to say it.” you grabbed his hands, causing him to look you in the eyes. There was a suddenly tension, and you could feel yourself growing meeker by the second, “Maybe I already know...”

Sunghoon was so close you could feel the heat radiating from his body. His eyes hid something you couldn’t read, but his expression laid stone cold. He licked his lips before responding to you, eyes not leaving yours.

“What do you know?” His voice was low, barely above a whisper.

“What you are.” You said breathlessly with your last ounce of courage. Sunghoon’s eyes flickered, leaning away from you and looking out the window. He pulls his hands from yours, placing them in his own lap.

“It was the elevator right?” He asked, continuing before you could answer, “I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if you figured out my little secret sooner, you being the president of the vampire hunting club and all.” 

It was silent for a moment; Sunghoon still couldn’t meet your gaze, looking out the window into the lit city streets while you couldn’t stop looking at him. He was still beautiful as ever, and your eyes wandered to the mole on the bridge of his nose. You remember walking home with him that day an finally noticing it; You thought it made him look so much prettier.

He was still the same man as he was that day.

“What happened with Geonu?” You asked tentatively, leaning closer to Sunghoon to look out the window too.

“I had it all written down in the letter, but I can tell you about it because I owe you at least that much.” He said, his voice sounding weak and tired.

-

God he was so hungry. 

He was off to buy some beef to curb the cravings (Sunghoon eats it raw), but the market he went to was closed until the next morning.

But it didn’t help that he was hungry now and as time went on, his willpower was dwindling. As Sunghoon walked down the streets, hoping some fresh air would help with the intense burning in his stomach, before a familiar voice called out to him.

“Hey Sunghoon, Why are you out so late?” Jay called, jogging to catch up with Sunghoon. Jay was known to enjoy late night shenanigans, so it was no surprise to Sunghoon why he was out at night. But the smell of Jay’s sweat was killing him in ways he couldn’t explain to his friend.

“Wanted to go for a walk.” He answered flatly, trying to control his rampant desires. He kept walking, trying to get away from Jay, but his friend wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Hey dude, wait up! You don’t look so good...” Jay said, concern laced in his voice, “I’m gonna take you home okay, you need to rest up.”

As Jay reached out to touch Sunghoon, it was the last straw. Sunghoon grabbed his friend by the arm and yanked him, causing Jay to stumble to the ground in the adjacent alleyway, trying to process what was happening. Sunghoon lunged onto Jay, holding him down.

“Sunghoon get off of me!” Jay shouted, struggling to get out of the vice like grip Sunghoon had placed on his wrists. He saw the pure predatory look in his friend’s eyes and the growing of his teeth; The sight was something that would never leave Jay’s head.

“Sunghoon snap out of it!” Jay yelled, finally being able to throw Sunghoon off of his body. Sunghoon immediately made some distance between the two and burst into tears, laying on the pavement clutching his stomach.

“I’m sorry Jay...” Sunghoon cried, regaining the littlest bit of composure, “I’m.. It... It hurts so bad, Jay.”

“Hey it’s okay...” Jay said through heavy breaths, still trying to process what was going on and that this was real, “You should just go home and try to feel better okay?”

But just then, another figure appeared in mouth of the alleyway; Geonu.

He was studying late that night, stopping at the convenient store for some late night snacks. He was on his way back to the library when he hears shouting and fighting in the alleyway. And like any other person, he went to see what was going on and if he was able to help.

“Hey what’s going on? I heard shouting and fighting...” He explained, gazing at the two boys on the ground before approaching them. He stuck his hand out to Sunghoon, who was closer of the two to help him to his feet when the boy lashed out Geonu, digging his fingernails into his forearm and wailing.

Geonu pulled his arm away, crying out in pain and shuffling away from Sunghoon, holding onto the deep gash on his arm that was oozing blood. Once Sunghoon caught scent of it, his last bit of control was gone.

He lunged at Geonu, but he was quicker, stumbling to his feet and running in the direction of the school with Sunghoon in pursuit.

“Sunghoon! Wait!” Jay shouted, running after his friend to get him away from Geonu. He watched as they were heading through the front gate in the direction of the soccer feild.

Jay ran to the woods, hoping to cut off the duo; Suddenly there was a scream of anguish, sounding like Jay’s dear friend. He ran faster, emerging from the bush to see the two boys lying on the field.

Sunghoon had Geonu on his back, holding Sunghoon with his palms firmly on his chest. However, Geonu was wearing a silver ring that was burning into Sunghoon’s flesh near Sunghoon’s collarbone, which made the boy cry out. He ripped the hand from his shoulder before twisting the silver ring off Geonu’s finger and throwing it out at the track.

Sunghoon then fiercely lunged towards his neck, sinking his fangs into the center of his throat. Geonu’s screeched out in agony but it was already done. He weakly pushed on the boy above him, trying to get him off as he grew weaker.

Sunghoon sucked and chewed at the open wounds on Geonu, feeling the burning pain in his stomach subside. He held Geonu firmly until he ceased to move.

Jay watched in horror, his head spinning. He felt like he was in a dream as he watched his closest friend turn into a vampire and kill someone. Sunghoon unlatched from Geonu, realizing what he had done. He scurried away from Geonu’s body as fast as he could before wiping the copious amounts of blood from his mouth and chin area. He gazed at the red on his hands, feeling sick.

Sunghoon let out a pained scream, sitting on his knees as he let out sobs. Jay, shaken by his friends reaction, tried to approach the boy. Sunghoon looked at him,tears in his eyes.

“I-” Sunghoon choked, “God what have I done?”

Jay stared at his friend with wide eyes, kneeling on the grass.

“I’m a monster Jay.” Sunghoon wailed, shaking and crying, “I didn’t mean for this to happen... I was just so hungry and- and I killed him Jay. I couldn’t-��� He broke into heavy sobs, pulling at his hair with red spit dropping onto his knees.

“Its... It’s okay.” Jay reassured, not exactly knowing what to do, went to his friend and wrapped his arm around him to sooth him, “You’re okay...”

“I’m a Vampire Jay, but I try my best to not hurt humans.” Sunghoon sniffled, wiping his face with the back of his hand before trembling, “But I did... I killed him and I don’t know what to do... There so much red.”

Without a word, Jay took off his jacket, before reaching for the buttons on Sunghoon’s dress shirt. He didn’t know what he just saw, but Sunghoon is his best friend and whatever killed Geonu wasn’t the Sunghoon who was in front of him now. So he helped his friend rid himself of the red on his shirt before tying it up in the bag Geonu had gotten from the convenient store and wrapping his jacket around Sunghoon.

He walked his friend to his house, where he cleaned him up and put him to sleep on his bed, watching over him as he slept, trying to get the nightmarish images from this night out of his head.

-

“What I did...” Sunghoon sighed finally turning to look at you with a serious face. Tears were brimming the edges of his eyes before he swallowed, “It’s unforgivable. I’m gonna have to live with the fact that I’m a monster forever.”

You stared back blankly, not sure of what you felt. Nothing felt real at this moment; you should be horrified, angry, or even a bit stressed, however you felt surprisingly calm. You resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, not knowing how he would react.

Sunghoon sight and looked back out the window, a weak smile.

“Y’know, I don’t blame you if you want to run away,” He said nodding slowly before swallowing, “I just wanted you to know the truth and I felt that it was the only good thing to do. I totally understand if you-”

“Stop.” You interrupted, causing Sunghoon to turn to you. Before your brain registered what you were doing, you leaned in and kissed Sunghoon, hands coming up to wrap around his neck. He was shocked, but quickly kissed you back cupping your face with his hands. You broke free and he blinked expectantly a couple of times.

“Listen, I don’t know what I think, cause this is a lot to process,” You started to explain, playing nervously with the hair on his nape. You looked at Sunghoon’s face; His soft lips, his pretty eyes and his pretty features, reminding you of who was in front of you. And with that, you made up your mind

“But, I don’t hate you, and I don’t want to leave.”  You said firmly, “You aren’t a monster; you’re Sunghoon, the dork who figure skates, who studies with me every Tuesday and Thursday. You’re the guy who carried me home when my shoes were gross and the guy who my friends tease me about liking. This doesn’t change anything. You’re still you and I love you the way you are. So I’m not going anywhere.”

Sunghoon held your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks before he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on you lips. It was quick but sweet. He whispered a ‘thank you’, finally able to relax a bit. 

You wanted nothing more than to kiss him again, so you did, leaning in and kissing him deeply. You felt dizzy, but the only thing you knew was you never wanted to stop kissing Sunghoon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“As president of the PAC, I officially begin this meeting. We have a few things on the agenda today.” You said simply, sitting down in your spot, breathing out a heavy sigh, “To start, I have an update for all of you about our vampire.”

You thought all night about what you were to do with the information that Sunghoon is a vampire. You had explained everything to him; about how you were looking for a vampire and how you had suspected his friend was the perp and not Sunghoon himself. and after much deliberation (and Sunghoon’s permission), you thought the best course of action would be to tell your friends the truth. it would be impossible to lie to them when you were so invested in-

“Is it that your boyfriend is a vampire?” Jake asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. You looked at him in shock, flabbergasted on how Jake came to the conclusion. Before you had the chance to speak, he nonchalantly tossed an envelope- the one Sunghoon had given to you - on the desks.

“You left this in my car when I dropped you off for your date.” Jake explained.

“So, you opened it and read it..?” you asked; Jake silently shrugged and you shook your head at him in disappointment.

“Anyways, the point is, he admits it in the letter.” Jake said simply, glancing to Heeseung and Jungwon, who looked between you and the letter, “I texted the boys about it while you were on your date.”

“And?” You asked, looking between all the boys, “What do you want to do with that information..?”

“What do you want to do, (Y/N)?” Jungwon asked, “I’m sure you have your feelings invested on what happens next?”

You took a deep breath and slumped back in your chair, “I mean, I think Sunghoon a good guy. I’ve known him for a while and obviously now that were dating, I believe it even more. I know the most logical thing is to turn him into the authorities... but truthfully I’m not sure if I can. But if you all want to, that’s your choice.”

The boys were silent before Heeseung cleared his throat.

“well, we have already talked about the next course of action.” Heeseung began, speaking gently as if you’d spook. Jake hummed, gaze soft as he watched your uneasiness rise. He swallowed before speaking, “I don’t know Sunghoon as well, but he seems nice. and he makes you happy. And I think everything will be okay if we just leave it at that.”

You felt a wave of relief wash over you as you watch Jake’s expression relax; it was as if he was just as nervous about the decision as you were.

“There was a lot of logic talk with it,” Jungwon explained, lacing his fingers together and placing his hands on the desk, “realistically, the police probably wouldn’t even believe us if we did explain everything to them, so there would be no point.”

“And we also thought it would be a cool opportunity to talk to someone who is paranormal.” Heeseung added, with a shrug and a smirk, “y’know, for more club activities.”

“Yeah! (Y/N), do you think you could get Sunghoon to come and we could interview him for our records?” Jake asked, almost jumping out of his seat because he was so excited. you chuckled at your friends, who not only seemed to be making the best out of this situation, but also who just genuienly seemed interested in supporting you and Sunghoon.

“Funny you ask,” You laughed, standing from your chair. You made your way to the door, “Because the second order of business is that we have a few new members joining out club today and I was waiting to introduce them.”

You open the door to reveal Sunghoon and Jay, who awkwardly wave at your friends.

“Sorry for the wait, you guys can go sit down at our makeshift meeting table.” You explained, watching as Sunghoon smiled at you before he leaned in a placed a kiss onto your cheek.

“Hey, uhm..” Jay began awkwardly, walking over to and pointing at the whiteboard, “Why does it say “Evidence Jay is a Vampire” on your board..?”

“Oh uhm, don’t mind that.” Jungwon squeaks sheepishly, going over to the board and quickly erasing it.

“Hey, what’s so wrong with that?” Sunghoon teased, wrapping his arm around you and nudging his friend with his other. The group let out a flurries of chuckles.

“Hey Sunghoon, come sit over here.” Jake gestures to the seat beside him, grinning wildly at your boyfriend, “I have so many questions to ask you!”

You watched as the boys settled in nicely; Jungwon was showing some of the ‘research’ of vampire Jay to human Jay, while Jake and Heeseung brought out notepads and began to ask Sunghoon about some of his habits. You couldn’t help the undeniable feeling your heart swell at the thoughts of what the future might hold. 

______________________

A/N: ITS FINALLY DONE!!! I know this writing quality probably isn’t good (it is from years ago), but I loved this concept too much and put too much work into this fic just to scrap it. I hope you enjoyed it and if not, stayed tuned for something better !!!

[destinygoldenstar]

Due to the results of the election, things look bleak. And I live in a red state.

So in case anything were to happen, I want to be open about my experiences a lot more. I'm going to try and live as long as I possibly can, and I can tell you that if I get jailed, assaulted, or killed, it's NOT by my hands.

I'm an asexual lesbian woman in my twenties. I live in a red state.

When Donald Trump became president the first time, I was still a kid. So I couldn't get too caught in the crossfire of what he was doing during that term. That, and I had not figured out my identity yet. It wasn't until a couple months after Trump became president that I discovered from Internet browsing that "Wait, men x woman is NOT the only form of romantic love that exists? You can do that?"

Before that, I've been writing since I was six, never stopped and became self taught how to write fiction. Even as a kid, when I was a shit writer and just ripping off from the media I consumed, I would always make the straight pairings a 'friendship' between two girls instead. Because it was what I understood then. For awhile, after I got out of the phase, I dismissed that as me being a mansogynistic child. But no, turns out there was more to the story than that.

There was other things that became hints as well before I became aware who I was. When the other girls in my school were gushing about cute boys and teasing about 'do you like this boy? You talk to him so obviously you like him.' I would be in my corner minding my own business, not interested in the topic. When it was directly targeted at me, I would say 'yeah I like him', because due to my autism, either my reaction sent mixed communication signals, or I would think they meant platonically. Then they would either tease that I confessed to romance, or they would get I got it wrong and say 'I meant as a boyfriend'. And I wouldn't answer because I didn't want to be rude.

What was wrong with only seeing boys as friends? Well back then where I was from, everyone assumes everyone is straight. A boy talks to a girl, obviously they're gonna smooch.

So I, as someone who didn't know queerness existed, had to assume I was like that as well. And I was just "Not old enough to get it".

And then as I get older, that mindset turns into 'men and women always want to kiss and fuck each other all the time'.

But I wasn't interested in that at all, especially not the fucking. But there was no awareness of queerness in public and I didn't use social media, so I had to assume I was like that as well, just that I wasn't old enough to get it.

Which that became a weird excuse, I learned how babies were made when I was SEVEN.

All the while, while I NEVER dreamed of ever fucking anyone, I still had some PG-Loving fantasies about the women in those 'girls cartoons' I'd watch. Winx Club, Totally Spies, the Disney Princess Movies, etc. I read the Sailor Moon manga ALL THE TIME in Middle School. I was NEVER interested in the boys they were into, and I would never get it. Even as a kid.

Maybe I was just someone who was into femininity. Maybe it was something about how they'd stylize their hair or fashion, or their softer voices, or their more delicate approaches that touched my heart. In a way male characters didn't.

Later I would realize that applied to real life too.

Then my family watched the Cinderella Live Action Remake, and let's say, I found it magical. After the movie, my mom told me "You'll find your prince one day."

She assumed I was straight. Like everyone does before they get told otherwise. She assumed I was fantasizing about the prince that swept her off her feet. But... I wasn't. I was more interested in Cinderella herself and her pretty dress and eyes and how she stood up for herself to leave her abusive household. (Celebrity Crush?)

Then there's when my family got me in the MCU. You know, before Phase 4, which after that... EW.

My family would always GUSH about how CUTE these MEN were, as celebrity crushes. And they kept saying this was completely normal. My mom was a HUGE Captain America kinnie, my sister was into Thor (& Aquaman), etc. And I... did not get it. I didn't get any crushes on any of these guys. I liked them as characters, but crush? No.

And my mom was confused by it. Why isn't my daughter blushing mad at these movie men?! "Well maybe she'll like the actor for *this new MCU male character that shows up later*."

Nope. Nothing.

You know which celebrity from the MCU I did consider hot though? Scarlet Johansen. But I was casual about it and didn't say a word and kept it to myself.

I guess it clicked to me too late what I was ACTUALLY interested in.

Not in a 'I wanna fuck them' way. HELL NO. But I am an ace who doesn't have a problem with casual kissing. Dating someone? Sure. Potentially marrying someone one day? Of course. Isn't that normal romance and what people value in their crushes? (In person crushes, obviously.)

And then there was my 'first boyfriend'. BIG quote on quote there. He was a guy a year older than me in my school that CLEARLY was crushing on me. He would constantly follow me around to try and talk to me awkwardly, compliment me, etc. (Would I say 'stalker'? Not really. He could've been worse.) And I just found it AWKWARD.

He once tried to put his arm around me lovingly, and I was uncomfortable and made an excuse to leave.

I later talked to my mom about it, and she suggested I avoid him. And I did. I never talked to him again.

Was that the right call? Not sure. But I don't want to know what relationship that would've been if I did accept his loving gestures.

And he was just the first. Through Late Middle School and Early High School, a TON of boys were after me and wanted me. And they became OBNOXIOUS about it. And EVERY TIME they confessed their love to me, I would always, right there and in front of everyone, reject them.

That didn't stop them, as they would proceed to bully me about it and get in my face about them LOVING me. Or something.

It turns out most of them were just a 'this girl is hot' thing. Some even admitted that. I asked one guy what he liked about me. He said "looks". And when I asked, "Anything else?" And he said "Nope."

That boy was a MISOGYNISTIC PIG btw. And NO SHAME too. He constantly bullied me and made jabs at me, and he said the reasons were, "Because you are a woman. You belong in the kitchen."

I'm NOT exaggerating, btw. This is actually straight up what he said.

From then I became self aware and insecure about my appearance. Like, I'm hot? People think I'm hot? For awhile, I wanted to try and ruin my appearance so I wasn't so 'traditionally attractive'. I would draw a marker all over my skin, for example.

I mean, sure, these boys were assholes. And sure, people there, before I moved, hated my personality. They like my appearance, but the moment they get a taste of who I am, they say, "What a WASTE of good looks for a woman."

But I DO NOT want this to come across as "I'm queer because I hate men". Because I don't. It was just where I was and how the boys treated me back then. Nowadays, I have a couple of male friends who are good people, and don't treat me like dirt. It's just that I only consider them friends.

Combine all of these experiences, and I guess I subconsciously realized "OH MY GOD... I'M GAY."

But I never CONSCIOUSLY wanted to confront that. You know?

I only knew of the gay people on TV at the time. And in real life, I only knew one girl that was also lesbian, but uh... she was toxic, and really hurt me, and I DON'T want talk about that.

Everyone else in my real life was straight. And openly so. I was the ONLY person in my life that wasn't. And without social media (I didn't get it till I was a proper adult), I thought I was a broken human being.

"I couldn't like girls! I'm a girl! I'm supposed to like boys! I just haven't found the right boy yet, that's all! I'm not queer! I'm not broken! I can't be more broken than I already am!"

And people already WEREN'T very accepting about me being autistic. Something I outted. And what proceeded was years of bullying, discrimination, and ridicule. Even from adults. So if anyone started to process I was gay? I WOULD BE DEAD.

And then it happened. This AMAZING girl is a part of my life, and something clicked between us. And I started to process that she really liked me. (She's demisexual) I mean, I already knew she did, we've been friends for awhile before this, but there were other feelings she was blossoming for me. Romantic feelings. I didn't confront her about it because I had to think about it myself. And then I realized it myself. I had feelings for a real life person. Romantic feelings.

A couple months later, we confessed to each other, and we became official. I'm still with her to this day, and we're in a very loving healthy relationship and we feel safe and supportive of each other.

I wish I could say that I 'came out' properly to my parents, but I didn't. Six months into my relationship, my mom caught us, and found out.

I didn't tell my parents I was gay, they found out. Simple as that.

One, it had to do with fear that they wouldn't accept me. Two, I found it RIDICULOUS that only gay people have to come out.

Straight people don't! Everyone just assume you're straight until you tell them otherwise! At least bi and pan people have an easier time pretending they only like the opposite sex!

So I just... didn't want to tell them.

I did end up coming out to my cousin on the phone, the first person I properly came out to. And all he said was a casual, "Okay. Nothing wrong with that."

Which did make me feel better and understand I wasn't broken and I was valid.

So when my mom found out about us, she confronted me about it. And I told the truth and confirmed that I was in a relationship with another girl. And... she only expressed confusion. She said I could be whatever I wanted to be, but it's clear she didn't understand it at all. Neither of my parents did.

A few days later they made it clear that even if they didn't understand it, they were going to accept me, and they broke my fears by making it clear they were not going to disown me.

My mom told me that I shouldn't be open about my sexuality to anyone else. It's 'inappropriate'. "We will accept you, but there are people in this world that won't. They will bully you to no end and hurt you."

To which I responded, "They already don't accept me."

Referring to the years of bullying I endured for my autism.

I mean, to this day, I still love my family, and are grateful they love me and want to do everything for me. But only now is my mom getting around to trying to understand my autism through research. There's something to be said about whenever we're in public, or my mom is talking to a friend of hers, she refers to me and my GF as 'best friends' and nothing more. Or how she talks about how I haven't found a boyfriend yet.

It's because of this, that when asked, I use the vague gender neutral term 'partner' when talking about my relationship in public. So while I'm not 'hiding', I'm not opening myself up for backlash either.

It just, sometimes, feels weird. While my family and my GF's family accept us, everyone else in our families are straight, as far as I know. We are the only two queer people in our family.

As for my asexual side of my identity and how I figured that out, there's not as much to the story other than what I've already said. I never found any desire to have sex with anyone, and I found the explicit material of that subject matter revolting. I always did, and I never grew out of that. Whenever someone at school started talking about something sex related, I turned the opposite direction.

One time I couldn't, much after I got my relationship, and I said very bluntly I didn't care about sex. Then they asked "Are you asexual?"

And I researched it, and realized, "Yep. That sums it up."

I told my GF that same day, honesty is the best policy after all, and she strongly accepted me and promised not to make me do anything I was uncomfortable with. And she never did. Love her.

I did research, and realized, YES, Asexual Lesbians EXIST. You can be Asexual AND be a Lesbian. There's no contradiction.

It just makes my identity more specfic.

I admit, I'm still trying to come to terms with my identity and that I'm not broken. There are times where I feel like I am, whether it's liking girls the way I'm supposed to like boys, or having no sexual desire.

And still, to this day, where I work, ALL of my other co-workers are straight. Or at least, either straight, or hiding. I am the ONLY queer person I know in my community. (Well, aside from my GF, obviously)

So when the Election happened, is it any wonder how scared I'd be?

I casually admitted to a few of my co-workers that I'm dating a woman. And I haven't been 'harassed' by any of them. Mostly because where I work, there's a bullying policy and they would get fired.

But NOW? Living in a red state? With people I work with and for casually supporting Trump's win? I feel UNSAFE. I feel ALONE. I feel like if I tell someone the truth, I'd get arrested or assaulted or something. It's bad enough that I'm a woman. But an autistic woman? A queer woman? BAD COMBINATION.

Just the other day I was working, I confessed to being terrified of the election results, and why. And there were two people I told this to.

One of them gave me a warm and caring hug and told me I would be looked after and we would be okay.

The other person I told this to looked at me in confusion and told me, "There's nothing to be scared of. Things would be far worse if Harris won."

I don't like Harris either, but they don't know that. Trump WAS in office once, so we had something to go off of.

I should be appreciative that the place I work at has told me I'll always have a safe place there and nobody that works there will hurt me, and they wouldn't let anyone hurt me if they could help it. And I am.

But there's something to be said about the people around me DISMISSING my fears. Dismissing that I am at far more risk of assault now. Dismissing that I could lose my opportunities to work and get money to feed myself now, if any laws are to get signed against neurodivergent people. Dismissing that there's now going to be more backlash for queer people more than ever, and people that will treat me like a disgrace and a villain.

Living in a red state makes this worse. My body is sensitive. If I ever get pregnant from rape, I could DIE. My GF is on disability, so if she ever gets pregnant, she could DIE. We both could DIE.

But I wanted to get my story out on the Internet, because if that ever were to happen, if in the future I get killed, I want to make it clear that I am choosing not to give up now in the present day. I am choosing to live with myself. And I am choosing to NOT abandon my GF and stay with her. Even with the backlash we'll get. Because I love her, and it's nobody's choice but my own to be with her.

Because THIS IS ME. And no one can take that away from me.

And whether I die from getting killed, or I survive the four years and die of old age, I choose to die as ME. And as nobody else.

And my story will be here, so even if it gets lost, it can be found.

You Are Not Alone. We Are In This Fight Together.

Keep Living. Keep Holding On. They Can't Take Our Identities Away From Us.

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

God, it's true and I think the problem with the "I'm not just a mom" line is that it seems like she's not even trying to be a “mom.”

I think Mary could have been a character with potential and interesting without having to leave out Sam and Dean. And I need to complain about a lot of things about Mary now that I'm re-watching season 12:

12x12: Mary is working with the British Men of Letters even though THEY KIDNAPPED HER SON but the worst of all was that she lied to her children to get them to help her and when she stole from the demon (also without telling Sam and Dean) and Ramiel told them that they had 30 seconds to return what they had taken, she did nothing, she was willing to risk the lives of her children and Cas (who was already dying) to give the Colt to some people she works with just a few months ago

Also when Dean and Sam are arrested for the president and Mary was upset with Cas for abandoning them 💀

Girl, at least Cas was there, where were you? and she still asks why her kids didn't call her 😤

and I have another one, the chapter where they are trapped in a house with a demon, Dean himself tells Mary, quite rightly, that she traveled hours for the funeral of someone she hasn't seen in years but she sends her own children one text message a week, SOMETIMES

In that same chapter Mary has no problem killing Jody even though she probably has the notion that she is someone important to Dean and Sam.

Anyway, I'll stick with the scene where the boys travel to the past and Sam meets his mother and just sits down and tells her that she's beautiful.

I like what you pointed out at the end because that’s been in the back of my mind for a bit; Young Mary is not the same character as old Mary, not even a little. The writers changed her character so much, young Mary (1) didn’t want to hunt and (2) cared so much about her boys. Old Mary seemed to want to hunt so that she could ignore the problem that she thought Sam and Dean were.

Honestly, it’s like when she found out they were adults now she just didn’t want anything to do with them. Like she took one look at them and thought “well I missed all the interesting parts so why bother trying to know them now.”

And I get that she would want to grieve the life that she missed; raising her two sons with John. I just don’t see that as an excuse for cutting out the boys who are very much alive, even if they don’t need raising anymore.

And it definitely doesn’t excuse her using and betraying them. If someone she had really, truly cared about been tortured by the MoL, she wouldn’t have worked with them. But it was just a stranger. Just a guy that happened to be her son, but who wasn’t the baby she wanted.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Have you seen Impeachment: American Crime Story? The show about Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. Well, I was young in 1998 so I didn’t know a lot of details about Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica Lewinsky until I watched the show.

Honestly, while watching the show I was reminded of reporting in the royal world as there many parts of the show about journalists getting scoops, sources, catching someone in an affair, men’s bad behavior, etc. Andrew Morton even helped write Monica’s book, same as Diana.

My realizations:

1.) the people who worked to catch Bill Clinton dis jr because they thought they were doing it for the greater good. i think in some ways they thought it was their form of activism. It made me realize that a lot of journalists in the royal watching world probably feel like this as well and that’s why they go after William and Kate

2.) the scandal was so scandalous omg. It certainly made tampongate look tame. It makes me wonder why Charles and Camilla still get made fun of a lot these days and I hardly see anyone go after Bill Clinton anymore (might just be my algorithm)

3.) the journalists or the royal rota are so weak now. I wish if William was cheating, someone would commit a crime like secretly recording his conversations with the mistresses where he admits to the affair to get evidence. This, plus tampongate, shows me that the best way to expose an affair is by secretly recording lol.

It’s actually funny that anon said they became further convinced an affair is possible because Kate went home from the hospital unseen. That’s funny because it’s actually obvious. We don’t see them everyday. Of course they can move without being seen. Like obviously we wouldn’t catch William in the many many rooms of Houghton Hall where his secret rendezvous with the Marchioness probably is. ( Jk, don’t actually think this is what happens. Tbh I just said that to make that anon even more paranoid lol). Obviously their friends won’t talk. The rota said they searched for evidence but tbh theh probably didn’t work hard enough lol.

1 - Makes sense. I disagree slightly that they thought it was for the greater good - my political leaning and some additional reading I've done makes me see it more for the political activisim. On the one hand, yes, if Clinton (and any president) was abusing the privileges of his office, then absolutely, it should be investigated and it should be properly dealt with - as it was with the impeachment trial. But the investigation also did become a bit of a witch hunt by some of the people involved in the investigations, which made it feel more like partisan activism and ultimately hurt the actual impeachment.

I won't go much further because then we start getting into politics, but if you're interested, some things to check out:

Burning Down the House by Julian Zelizer

The Clinton Affair (2018 docuseries - available on Apple TV and most other streaming platforms)

the Monica Lewinsky chapter in The Rulebreaker by Susan Page (Barbara Walters' biography)

2 - No one goes after Bill Clinton anymore because he's not in the news anymore. He's a US statesman elder now so he gets trotted out every 4 years for the election and the inauguration, then he goes back into semi-retirement.

Also, Monica herself doesn't talk about the affair very much anymore either, which has helped "cancel" the story from the public consciousness when Bill Clinton makes a public appearance.

3- It's not that the journalists or the rota are weak now; it's that privacy and security standards have changed so much that it's harder for them to have that kind of access to infiltrate the inner royal circle. William especially is aware that all kinds of people are interested in his private conversations and would leap at the chance to hack his phone or his email (look no further than the hacking of Kate's medical records) so he absolutely safeguards everything as much as possible, with unlisted numbers, multi-factor authentication, strict password protocols, and a strict vetting of everyone they give their contact info to. If they even give their real contact information out in the first place.

Also, another anon - I think it was on another site entirely - said that the only reason the rota had that kind of access back in the '90s to hack the royal circle's phones was because Diana gave them the phone numbers in the first place. No idea if it's true or not, I'm just passing on what I read.

Edit: Diana giving the press the phone numbers has been confirmed true. Here’s the link: https://www.reuters.com/article/business/princess-diana-leaked-royal-directories-to-murdoch-tabloid-court-hears-idUSL6N0MA43E/

Thanks, @and-the-void-looked-back!

It’s actually funny that anon said they became further convinced an affair is possible because Kate went home from the hospital unseen.

That's not what the anon said. They said that because Kate went home from the hospital unseen, they're more convinced that William's cheating/affairs could be kept entirely private/out of public attention if he ever did cheat.

[nozunhinged]

Love In The Big City reviews are raging everywhere - now what?

Or: why I think a 8.7 rating on MDL won't help anyone

If you're less of a reading person and prefer watching/listening, I made a post with various videos that are easily digestable.

disclaimer: this post is mainly an expression of my frustration over this crushing feeling of helplessness and the general fucked up political climate all over the world but also about how I truly believe that the most important thing is to think critical and never stop learning. Also I'm not south korean, but spent the majority of my academic studies on the topic of the post-imperial developments of Japan and Korea. And because I'm fundamentally tired of academia I will not proofread this for grammatical errors sorry - this is mainly a stream of consciousness.

Let's get this party started.

Because this is such a deep rooted issue, we need to do a teeny tiny, very brief excurse into korean history to properly explain my thoughts.

South Korea is a very young country

Before the republic of south korea we know today, Korea (North included) was ruled by one of the longest standing empires, the Joseon dynasty. The South Korea we know today is one of the youngest developed countries in modern history, first (brutally) colonialized by Japan and then taken over by the US.

The official end of the Joseon dynasty was in 1910. Thats a little bit over a hundred years ago, which is nothing if you think about how the Industrial Revolution was only 250 years ago and Korea has already overtaken many, many benchmarks the west set in the beginning in only less than half the time. The official founding of South Korea was even later, in 1948.

But that's only one important part about Joseon - this dynasty was also one of the most peaceful and stable empires as well. And how was that achieved? Well, confucianism and its very rigid patriarchal structures.

Joseon lasted over 500 years.

South Korea is only about 80 years old.

Their economic rise only took about 50 years.

Please remember those numbers for the next chapter.

I like to call it "The Patriarchy on Steroids"

Why am I throwing all those numbers around? Well first of all I suck at keeping it short but most importantly, I want to highlight how a country was turned upside down within the mere timeline of a few generations.

The South Koreans who spent their childhood in the Joseon empire, were teens during Japans brutal annexation, were adults when Samsung Electronics was founded and grew old with the first financial cracks of the democratic reforms, they raised the generations we have today. Let that sink in for a moment.

Central part of Confucianism is "Samjongjido", the expected devotion of the woman to her father first, then her husband and later her son(s), which exists in various forms in every asian country that was influenced by Confucianism. Essentially, women were expected to be nothing more than caretakers while the men were left with the "big pants" stuff.

Those structures can't be erased overnight.

But the bigger problem is when capitalism and "western culture" comes into play. In my opinion, it's a very deadly mix and there are countless examples of this.

You see all those "funny" conflicts in K-Drama and wonder "why is she expected to stop working after marriage", "why do they care so much about the family status of their spouse", well, that's how it worked for many, many generations prior.

The 4B-Movement (not dating men, not getting married, not having sex with men, not have children) is not just a dumb little feminist movement happening online, it's a literal, very real threat to South Koreas entire economy. It's not just a protest, women have literally given up on fighting these steroid patriachy structures that were only reinforced even more by capitalism.

And do you know what South Koreas solution to that problem is? Backing a right wing-conservative president who wants to get rid of any progress of equality politicians made in the last decades.

I repeat: You cannot erase 500 years of Confucian Patriarchy overnight. There's a reason so many historic k-dramas exist (sorry).

Fun fact: South Koreas economic rise made child mortality decline by almost 60% in only 18 years only to now have the lowest birthrate in the whole world of 0,7 children per 100 women.

Well done men, well done.

So what the heck does that have to do with that one gay show?!

Well, the backlash about LITBC shouldn't have come as a surprise. This show - openly and unapologetically queer - is attacking everything the steroid patriarchy in Korea represents. It hits exactly where it hurts the most. It's authentic, it depicts men not fucking women but other multiple men without the goal of having kids but oh - without just any goal that contributes to The Prosperity Of The Republic Of Korea. /s

The BL shows we got from Korea so far were all pretty tame and probably "tolerated" like the filthy smut that is BL manwha. That's easy to ignore and hide behind dark curtains, but a show that is distributed internationally with a famous actor in it??? That's going too far! /s

The most important point I want to make is that we need to think about the big difference between a countries culture and the economic interests they export. We all heard of the word "soft power".

But we often forget that what we see as international audiences is what they want us to see. We can't read Hangul, we don't speak Korean, so every translated article will always be lost in translation and not transport important nuances that make a culture their own.

K-Pop was made palpable for international audiences, as well as K-Drama and also - ultimately - Korean BL. Of course all of them play a big role in Korea as well, but what we get to see is only exported because it is made suitable for international audiences.

And I don't mean to diminish the work all the companies, writers, producers and actors put into these shows - they are all part of an important change that is absolutely necessary. But that's not the point here.

Big platforms like Viki, IQIYI, Gaga - they're not Korean, they're platforms from various asian countries with the goal of exporting media to international audiences. Shows are produced with that goal in mind. If it wasn't, none of the shows you can watch would be available without a VPN. They want to cater to international markets, that is literally their business model.

And they all know their domestic markets as well, which is why IQIYI is regularly pulling chinese BL - they can live very comfortably without the numbers from other countries but they definitely cannot ignore their domestic political climate.

And the same goes for LITBC. And many, many countless other examples like the one k-pop boy who was forced to leave his group due to massive backlash inside south korea.

And now what, smartass?

Like I said in the beginning - never stop learning. Start by reading Korean history 101 (or watch all the videos I compiled here). Learn and tell others about the horrible things happening - especially to women - in south korea. Unfortunately it's not all just fun and comfort shows/music. The 4B-Movement is still standing firm thanks to more and more education on it. (sorry not sorry men, get your fucking shit together)

Try to understand where the protesters are coming from, that's the only way to find a middle ground. But as long as the political climate in korea is getting worse and not better, hyping the show with huge numbers and raving ratings will not only have positive effects. It even has the potential to make it worse for south korean women and queer people as its success will only result in even more hardened fronts.

But at the end of the day, we have nothing to do with South Korean politics. We should also all be a little more humble, respect differences and not put our views on opinions on issues that we have nothing to do with. All we can do to help - again - is to never stop learning and never getting rid of your critical lens.

[firstprincewrites]

This Magnetic Force Of A Man

Henry is captivated by Alex Claremont-Diaz, there's no other way to describe the heat in his belly or the instant infatuation. For a long time, Henry is hopeless, dreaming a dream that seems so far away. When a media disaster strikes and things change for the better, Henry is left overwhelmed by the intensity of Alex - the man himself is a force to be reckoned with. In their heavier moments, Henry leans into the soft grip of dark curls, leans into the feeling of being grounded by another. Read to find out how Henry navigates all the big moments in their relationship, one hair pull at a time.

Caught Beneath the Landslide

What if Henry hadn't been emotionally unavailable leading to him being rude to Alex upon first meeting him in Melbourne? What if, instead of hating each other, their relationship starts right then and there? Come find out what happens when Henry and Alex find themselves growing up together, nursing a connection, and navigating hurdles in life without the fear of being alone in the fight. What could our boys possibly get up to now?

When Everything's Made To Be Broken

Henry is happy to be back at Etton College for his senior year but that's thrown off course by the president's son untimely arrival. A personal catastrophe brings Alex to England to rain on Henry's parade - at least, that's what the Prince thinks when the First Son arrives. Soon, Henry finds that there's a lot more to Alex and the relationship meant to exist between them.

Keep Breaking Me In

After a long night, Henry isn't expecting Shaan to knock on his door to bring bad news. Yet, his equerry stands there with a sheepish look on his face, nonetheless. Henry is quick to find out that Phillip got his hands on a damning video and plans to use it as a way to dishonorably discharge Henry from military service. Too bad Phillip doesn't recognize the other man in the video - Alex Claremont-Diaz is a high caliber Civil Rights lawyer just waiting to defend instances just like this.

Try To Document This Light

Buying the brownstone is both the start of Henry's path away from the crown and a concrete future for himself and Alex. It's a place he can call home with the man that he loves, a place where they can grow, change, and shift into the men they're going to be for the world to come. After a lifetime of not really belonging anywhere, Henry finds a space that's truly his. Read to catch little peaks into his life with Alex and what the future has in store for them between the walls of that simple little brownstone.

Just the Thought Of You (Gets Me So High)

"Amy helped me plan it."What went into Henry's ocean crossing surprise? What were his thoughts going to the DNC where he'd finally see Alex on the stage, doing what he loves & looking amazing while doing it? Read to find out Henry's side of things as the night of the DNC unfolds.

I Like That Thing You Do

Ever since the first polo match Alex attended, his obsession with Henry on a horse has only grew. Years into their relationship, Alex is still hanging onto the pitch's fence, watching with rapt fascination. Read to find out what happens when Phillip asks a question that creates a lust monster Alex can't control. No one ever said those white pants Henry wears aren't meant to be destroyed.

With the View In the Morning (You Won't Ever Go Back)

Despite being together just shy of a year, the night of the election is a first for both Alex and Henry. After sneaking away to linger in their victory, Henry is surprised by Alex's initiative. They're on his home court so Henry is expecting the usual but Alex has something different in mind. The shift is enough to knock Henry's world off kilter in the best of ways. Read to find out how Henry survives his first time topping.

Can We Dance In the Dark?

"Who would you be?""Be a writer. Live in Paris."Inspired by this beautiful quote, this fic follows Henry Fox, a writer who's famous for crafting stories about a fictional prince - The Royal Blue series follows James through the trials and tribulations of being young, royal, and gay as a maypole. He loves what he does but inspiration is dry. He can't find the words and is severely stuck in a bout of writer's block. To try and abate it, Henry takes David for a walk - fate, the dear she is, finds a way to intervene. After a collision, Henry comes face to face with Alex Claremont-Diaz, law student and first son of the United States. Read to find out how their relationship develops into something worth writing about.

This Happily Ever After

For such a natural, easy sort of relationship like Alex and Henry's, there is a lot of weight on their shoulders. Despite themselves, they're making history with each new step they take in their relationship. It's a good thing, then, that neither man is a stranger to the limelight. When Alex teases about them making history, Henry doesn't know how deep that comment will run or how true it actually is. Read to catch a few pieces of Alex & Henry's relationship where they make their own history. Sometimes, two people are meant to shape the world, no matter the circumstance.Or - 5 times Alex jokes about making history and 1 time Henry reciprocates.

I Get Lost, I Get Washed Away

Law school is stressful from the start but it reaches a fever pitch during Alex's last semester. He decides Henry's birthday is the perfect excuse to get away from it all so he hatches a plan to not only be there for Henry's birthday but surprise him with his presence, too. They're on the cusp of something in their relationship and Alex is ready to help whatever it is along. Everything works out perfectly, down to the moonlit car ride they take at the end of the night. Read to find out how an overstimulated Alex pampers the birthday boy - in the end, they both take care of each other.

I Got A Girl Crush

Alex Claremont-Diaz has been the object of Henry's affection for longer than the prince cares to admit. He's usually pretty sane about it but his brother's wedding has put everything on high alert. After reading a particularly upsetting gossip rag, Henry is distraught by the idea of seeing Alex with her - Nora Holleran - everything that Henry is not. He decides he wants what she has as the night goes on and her closeness with Alex becomes apparent. Though, Henry is quick to learn that not all things are what they appear. Sometimes, it takes a little frosting on the cheek to realize how wrong one can truly be.

Then Wiggle With It

What if, instead of balking at the request, Henry takes Alex up on his offer to dance during 'Get Low'? Alex has been wondering why he feels a little funny whenever Henry is around but an errant touch while their bodies are close causes him to reevaluate everything he's come to know about himself. Can the simple bump and grind of a raucous club song really change everything for Alex? And does their relationship shift now that Alex comes to a groundbreaking realization much quicker than ever imaginable? Read to find out!

The Perfect Genius Of Our Hands and Mouths

The first time they make love, that soft press of Henry's hand to the small of Alex's back is a guiding light. He's not a fumbling boy learning how to walk - he's a man with someone showing him the ropes. It's a wonderful thing that Alex never forgets. In fact, he comes to rely on that hand on the small of his back leading him through the ups and downs of life. Read to see a few slices of Alex and Henry's time together where making love and feeling that touch play starring roles in the biggest instances of their relationship.

A Solid Embrace

Despite the not so good nature of the holiday, Thanksgiving has always been special to Alex. Throughout the years, he learns things, eats good food, and grows into the man he is today. This year, Henry gets the freedom to spend the holiday with Alex and his family out at the lake house in Texas. Determined to make it the best yet, Alex goes through all the motions, perfecting them along the way. Somewhere throughout the day, his priority changes, however - Henry in a striped rugby shirt is suddenly the object of his fixation, food and tradition forgotten. Read to find out how a little football makes Alex realize his family is finally complete.

[satirates]

Baghera Jones is her own person that can make her own decisions, thank you very much

I wasn't going to post this here because most of this discourse came from the bird app, but I've seen so much posts here (and in my notes) that I need to get this out of my chest. So this post is going to be TW: fandom neg about Baghera treatment by the QSMP community, be warned.

So, where to begin?

I keep seeing post about Q!Baghera being a bad friend to Forever, insulting her, saying she" hate him" and that it would be better if Forever only interact with Brazilians from now on. And I'm tired of this shit

" She will clearly always side with BBH whatever Forever do"

Oh, so we have a woman friend with two men, so of course she needs to take sides. Forbid her to have her personal opinions, it all about choosing the guy she likes the most, isn't it ? How people don't realize hoe misogynistic that way of thinking is !?

She literally connected on the server yesterday, learned that Forever wanted to build a prison to imprison players and that he pass a law that was specifically targeted at one of her other friends. Of course, she said that she will stand by BBH if this continues. She is trying to comfort him because from HER perspective, he's being targeted by unfair laws, and he is still (in lore) experiencing psychological problems. She didn't side with him, she chooses to help him. Because she can make decision with the information she has.

" But she is always against what Forever propose with the government"

I'm sorry, where were you when the election arc happens? Probably insulting Baghera because she dare have opinions and calling them "stupid" and "baseless" to the point she quitted I guess? q!Baghera was ALWAYS anti-federation. She joined the election so she could start a revolution. Even after she accepted to not do that, she always defends the point that having a president was a bad idea and that a council would be better. These ideas aren't new and she didn't stop having them after Forever got elected. It makes sense for her character to oppose to him, because she was never for a president in first place.

Yesterday, she didn't say she thought his idea of vote is stupid. She says that she doesn't agree with HOW it's done right now and that they can make it better. More representative of the people. But when she talked to Forever, he basically ran away when she started saying she didn't like it. Then they got interrupted by Bad. She hadn't the time to explain herself and people are acting like she said the idea(and Forever) was bad when she never says such thing. And even if she was totally against it, she would have the right to. She has the right to have a different opinion than her friends.

" But she is always hiding things!"

Clearly, you haven't watched Baghera's stream in a long time. What does she have to hide, I'm asking you? She never gets lore, and never has any in the past. Every time sometimes mildly exciting happen, she is running to another player just so she could tell them. In the election arc she was even sharing a ton of secrets with Cellbit, a guy she was convince was a dormant agent, just because he was on the server at the same time as her and she needed to share! She is only keeping secrets that other people told her. You know, like a good friend? Also, she sometimes forgot to say things right away, but cc! Baghera has ADHD, so it's not on purpose she sometimes forgets things. CC! Baghera said that canonically, her character trust Forever 100%, and she kept it that way so far. She just has no secrets to share right now because she isn't getting any lore.

" But Forever is always alone these days, and Baghera isn't appreciative of his work!"

Pshhh, I'm going to tell you a secret. You know who's alone 90% of their streams? BAGHERA JONES! She is in her castle alone, building. And why she spends the other 10% with people? Because she goes to people to check on them! Does Forever do that? No. He's in is isolation arc. We have never seen him check on what Baghera was doing or asking to do something together. Several times we've seen the players having fun while he was online, and he didn't join. It's not Baghera's job to go fetch him to play and help him when he isn't asking for it. And she always shows appreciation for what he is doing, just not in his face. Things you would know if y'all were actually watching her POV. She has Portuguese and English subtitle on at all times, you have no excuses. And why these type of comments are always directed toward Baghera and nobody else in the server that are doing stuff aside from Forever? Literally, I've never seen anyone else being call names because they are not tending to someone else need. Truly strange that it's directed at a woman, isn't it?

Baghera said in live recently that she has to take a break from doing lore with some of the streamers with the biggest community because she was getting hate every single time she was interacting with them. She didn't say names, But we all know who she was talking about. And I think it sucks she has to walk on eggshells around Brazilian players because of that. That she try to not be too friendly/teasing with Forever because of that. If you don't see her spending time with him as much, now you know why. They are still friend, but she doesn't want to deal with the community bullshit.

To conclude

She said that she wants her character to be recognized for her own achievement and not just be "Forever and bad third friend". And I'm also tired of this. She has the right to have opinions. She has the right to make decisions that contradict the ones of her friends. Furthermore, she isn't "Forever bad friend" or "BadBoyHalo emotional support woman". She is her own person. Stop acting like she's picking sides. Stop to infantilize her by saying that "she needs to think about the way she's acting". All her decisions make sense in universe. She has the right to defend her friend, she has the right to do her castle in peace, she has the right to not spend time with/help her brother if she doesn't feel like it. SHE has the RIGHT to exist at the SAME LEVEL as BBH and Forever, not as their accessory that is there to break them apart.

We have a lot more women on the server now that Jaiden plays regularly and with the new players. Let threat them like person, not just by the lenses of the men of the QSMP. Go watch their POV. Ask questions to people that watch them on main.

I'm so tired of this, it's being going on for months. I know the biggest part of the community is nice and love her. At least until she does something they don't like. I'm so tired...

[cookinguptales]

Finally putting down some political thoughts, and put under a cut because I am not going viral for a political post, not again.

I suppose something that I've been grappling with is... how do you deal with reactionary politics?

I do not believe, for the record, that there is something innate in men that makes them more dangerous or self-centered. But there is very much a problem with men right now. We are seeing misogyny of a virulence and magnitude that I have never seen in my life. Like... "your body, my choice?" That sounds like something an editor would have axed for being too on-the-nose twenty years ago.

And I understand that many of us have been socialized to take responsibility onto ourselves. Some of this is the way that women are generally expected to do heavy emotional labor for those around them, and some of this is... well, I'm going to be kind and say it's control issues. (That I see in myself, as well.)

If we made this happen, if it was our actions that made men hate us so much that they've done all this, then we can also fix it... right? We're supposed to be loving, nurturing, understanding, and patient, so if all of this was a failure of those "intrinsic" traits, then... we can fix it by being those things, right? We can love them into not hating us anymore, right?

I think what's more likely is that what we're seeing is a radical pendulum swing. It's happened so, so many times through history. There's a period of intense social change, often with a greater sense of freedom for marginalized groups, and then there is a severe backlash to that. This doesn't just apply to women; it's happened to people of color, queer people, ethnic/religious minorities, etc.

Hell, I'm even seeing people getting angry at disabled people (like me) for being too "rude" and "demanding" and "entitled" when asking for our legally mandated accommodations.

It's scary because... okay, so this is a backlash to us getting rights. It's a backlash to the ADA. To Obergefell. To trans rights. To Obama. To #MeToo. It's a backlash to women getting bank accounts and no-fault divorce and Roe and workplace protections -- to women not needing men in order to have a financially secure life anymore.

It's a backlash that's been building for decades now, but which really seemed to hit a fever pitch during the Obama administration. Not only did we have a non-white president, but that president enacted a lot of protections for marginalized people.

It's a backlash born of people who had lots of power now worrying that they will have less. It's men worried that they can no longer control women. It's white people worried that POC and/or immigrants will "supplant" them. It's straight people worried about some kind of widespread queer conversion. It's people who are financially unstable blaming these problems on social change. It's people who are billionaires worrying that they might have a single penny less.

It's a backlash that's happened more times than I'd care to count; you just have to watch pre-code movies to realize that progress is not always linear, and that we have had short-lived periods of freedom in the past.

It's a backlash. Okay. But so what? What do we fucking do about that?

I understand that every time one group gets more rights, the groups that previously had a monopoly on those rights are going to fucking lose their minds about it. But how do we assuage that? We can't just stop trying to progress. We can't just stop fighting for our rights. Even knowing that they're going to come down on us even harder in the future, we can't just give up and let them destroy us.

Like... when there is no pleasing a group except by surrendering all power to them, there is no compromise, not really. But then how do we prevent these backlashes? These periods of horrifying, cruel conservatism that are a direct response to periods of progressive liberalism?

Obviously strength of numbers in the voting booth didn't work. Nor did protests. Threats didn't work -- nor did kindness, for that matter. Fight, flight, fawn. None of them worked.

It's something that I keep coming back to. Like... you simply cannot depend on appealing to the humanity of oppressors. It does not work. Yes, of course I believe they have humanity. But so many people leave that behind the second they feel threatened.

The best I can think of, maybe, is coalition-building. Not with the people trying to kill us. I'm sorry, tumblr, but that's fucking stupid. But... god, I've noticed a shift in the past decade. There's been a lot of very purposeful division sown between the groups that will suffer most under the rule of Republicans. Women and POC and queer people and disabled people and immigrants and the impoverished... They've been training us to turn on each other, and then they've reaped the rewards.

It's one of the reasons why I finally deleted Twitter this week. I just could no longer take the amount of finger-pointing and in-fighting amongst the downtrodden while Republicans trotted around like fucking show ponies. Oh, this is the Latinos' fault. This is the white women's fault. This is the black men's fault. This is those damn self-hating women and queers. Boomer-ass cripples, etc.

This is your fault. No, this is your fault.

This is my fault, this is my fault, this is my fault.

Like damn, at a certain point they won't even have to destroy us if we do it for them.

But at the same time, I'm not going to feed you some Pollyanna shit about how we all just need to join hands and work together. There are internal prejudices and power structures that are impeding us here, and I don't think it's right to pretend those don't exist so we have the outward appearance of solidarity. To some degree, that's probably part of what got us into this mess.

If we can't at least unite against such a horrifying threat to our very existence, though... like... we will be destroyed.

After the debacle that was COVID... I don't know. It is harder to believe that people will work together to protect the most vulnerable of us, or even their own interests. But I also just do not see any other way forward. We're not going to just convince them to give us our rights back. These shitty alt-right fuckheads see kindness as subservience, not as bridge-building. That's why they take all of our concessions, absorb them, become more powerful, and then give us absolutely nothing in return.

Things are about to get a lot worse before they get better. And the only thing that might save us is numbers and solidarity, even when we have problems between us.

I feel pretty despondent about the odds of all that right now, though, so like... I don't really know what to do. :(

At the very fucking least, though, stop making posts about how their abhorrent actions are our fault for being angry and afraid. I've seen it on tumblr, I've seen it on twitter, I've seen it on reddit... The past few days I've seen more thinkpieces about how women made men this way than I can count, and it's unbelievably frustrating. Like... when women felt threatened by men, they didn't enact sweeping reforms taking away their bodily autonomy. They just wanted to be left alone. These two reactions are not the fucking same.

Sorry that you ran into some traumatized women who didn't want to keep trying their odds! Weird that you decided to become a Nazi about it! Seems like maybe this is less about a woman who's been repeatedly sexually assaulted posting "I hate men" on twitter and more about systemic social messaging that you are being deprived of your ~god-given power~ by those who should be beneath you, like women, immigrants, POC, disabled people, queer people, etc.!

I swear to god, this is just the same "oh but the shooter was bullied at school and ignored by girls" rhetoric in a new coat of paint. Maybe if you really want to talk about how men aren't intrinsically bad, you should stop assuming that they have no choice but to become comically evil at the slightest provocation.

"Your body, my choice." Come the fuck on.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

What Happened to Trin? aka Paying Attention to My Favorite Straight Boy

Friends. Romans. Country men. 

I have a confession. 

Yesterday I reblogged a Shadow gifset of Josh cuddling Nai in the middle of the night after returning from his evening of smoking in the woods with Dan. In that reblog, I wrote the tag “Josh is my favorite straight boy in the show”. I showered praise upon him for being secure enough in his own sexuality to cuddle with the Known Queer. But I am concerned I may have been mistaken. 

I was chatting with @khathastrophe about some Shadow theories and she sent me a screen shot of a conversation she had had with @brazilian-whalien52 about her theories around Josh. 

Now, I personally do not think that Trin had a crush on Josh, unless they are intentionally obfuscating the context around the two conversations that Trin had with Joe where he did pretty much everything but explicitly state his feelings for Joe. And I hadn’t been thinking about Josh in relation to drugs, because yeah, he smoked weed, but if you couldn’t tell already, I have been hyperfocused on trying to unravel the One Armed Man thread and he is the only one I could remember having explicit ties to narcotics. 

BUT! I had already been working my way through a re-watch of Episodes 1-7 to see if there was any new information I could glean from the show now that I had better knowledge of all the characters and their relationships to one another. And tonight, I was already planning on watching Episodes 5-7, so I said “you know what? I have been 0% suspicious of Josh the entire way through, but this show is steeped in mystery and it would be irresponsible of me no to pay attention to the character that I write off…after all, in a mystery it’s always the inconspicuous ones,” 

And thus began my Josh!focused Rewatch of Episodes 5-7 (shout out to @so-much-yet-to-learn for bullying me about this, thank you for keeping me humble friend <3). 

Some things I noticed in Episode 5:

Anan was running against Trin for student body president 

When Trin is speaking in to the megaphone about wanting to change the bathrooms, Josh is in the crowd of students listening, but he does not participate in the chants everyone else is saying. And the second the Head Master appears, he is running off before he can really be registered as in attendance of this gathering. 

Josh was out of the room when Joe saw Trin’s ghost, he returns after Trin’s ghost disappears, and Josh has left the auditorium when Trin’s ghost reappears and Nai sees him following after Joe. 

Trin’s medical records state that he has bipolar disorder which can cause him to have hallucinations, he was off his medication, and he was using narcotics to treat his symptoms 

It is later revealed that Trin got a medical check up after his arm injury, where it was discovered that he had consumed marijuana. 

All in all there isn’t much to go off of here, expect that Josh seems rather non-committal to Trin’s policy changes, and he does not want to be seen in the company of unruly students. 

Episode 6, however, is where it starts getting interesting for me, because Episode 6 is where Josh invites Dan out for a little smoke sesh.  

Now, I will admit, at the time of my initial watch, most of the conversation between Dan and Josh whizzed right on past me, obviously the only reason he had called Dan out there was to ask if he liked Cha-aim and to showboat a little bit. But on this watch through, thinking about Trin and Josh and drugs, the conversation hit much different, and it warranted a theory. 

The Build Up

Dan asks Josh where he got the weed from, and Josh tells him he got it from a man named Bancha, an alumnus of the school who is a witch doctor. (now that I think about it, that is probably who this person is from the promos for Ep 8-14 (to your question @slayerkitty): 

ANYWAY, Josh tells Dan that Bancha is a hermit who lives near the woods, and is a witch doctor that can treat mental illnesses. He asks Dan if he’s been having trouble sleeping and upon hearing Dan confirm his sleeping issues, tells Dan that Bancha could totally help him get rid of his sleeping problems. 

So why did this start ringing alarm bells for me this time through? Because a) I was watching Josh with more scrutiny these episodes, b) I’ve been paying a probably unhealthy amount of attention to arms in Shadow over the last few weeks and c) I remembered more details about Trin. 

The Puzzle Pieces 

When Trin’s parents come storming in to Brother Anurak’s office pissed the fuck off because their sons medical records got leaked to the press, Brother Anurak mentions to them that Trin about a year ago (which is around the time Trin disappeared), Trin was treated in a hospital for an injury to his arm. 

We open Episode 1 of Shadow with Trin running through the forest, with his left arm bandaged up. 

Brother Anurak also tells Trin’s parents that he had weed in his system when he got that treatment. (When I heard this at first I brushed it off because it felt like between the mention of bipolar, hallucinations, and narcotics use, adding the weed on top was just a few too many things to try to discredit any potential intel Trin might have had and to distance the school more from his disappearance). 

Josh is the only person we have seen with weed (so far).  

Trin was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and did not like the medication he was on. He wanted to feel “normal” and to get off his medication, which we are told through a flashback conversation between Trin and Master Joe in the theater. We also learn that Trin is going somewhere, he wants to give Master Joe a pen of his to hold on to while he is away and tells Joe, “when I come back and I’m rid of this disease, I will give you your answer” [side note: Joe does not take Trin’s pen, yet he has it in his desk in 1999, so he had to get it back from Trin somehow]

In short, Trin wants to be cured of his bipolar disorder and this Banchan guy that Josh mentioned is a witch doctor that can treat mental illness. 

The Theory 

So with these things in mind, that Josh was in a lot of the flashback scenes with Trin, that Trin had smoked weed at some point before his disappearance, wanted to be rid of his mental illness, had an injured arm, and was running through the woods when we first are introduced to him, I came up with a theory. 

Josh played an active role in Trin’s disappearance. 

gif from @pharawee

With the crumbs they have presented to us so far, my theory is that at the beginning of Episode 1 we are seeing Trin escaping the witch doctor that Josh has convinced Trin to go see. Trin had an injured arm at the beginning of Episode 1, and Brother Anurak mentions an arm injury, so I’d have to imagine they are the same injury. Which means that Trin had probably smoked weed with Josh like Dan had smoked weed with Josh. I can imagine that Trin asked the same question about where Josh got his drugs from, and that Josh gave the same answer. I can imagine Josh potentially knowing about Trin’s medical diagnoses, or at least observing in part Trin’s own experience with hallucinations and relying on that to help convince Trin to go see the witch doctor. 

I can see Josh getting closer to Trin, close enough to get Trin comfortable with him, close enough to get Trin to trust him. I can see Josh and Trin sneaking out to the edge of the woods to smoke, and how that might make it easier to get Trin alone, away from prying eyes, and more comfortable with being in the forest at night. I can see Josh either walking Trin straight to the witch doctor’s door, or telling Trin how to get there. I can imagine the witch doctor trying to do something to “cure” Trin, whether that be an exorcism, a poisoning, an attempted murder, or something else entirely, and Trin managing to escape. Which would explain why we see him running through the woods, because as Josh said, Bancha lives right near the woods. 

I see some things repeating themselves in the promo for the second half of the season, namely Dan having his left arm bandaged the same way that Trin’s was at the beginning of the show and running through the woods looking behind him scared the same was Trin was at the beginning of the show.

Do I think Josh is alone in all of this? No. If he is involved in this at all, I literally have no gauge or understanding of how complicit and aware of what he is doing Josh is. If Josh did play a role in Trin’s disappearance, is he sticking so close to Nai because he feels guilty? Or if my theory does hold true and Josh is pulling Dan aside for conversations and smoke sessions, is he intentionally setting something up?

Josh seems really comfortable and at ease with being physically affectionate and flirty with Nai, despite the potential to be subjected to homophobia, yet he also thinks theater is gay and tells Dan not to join because people will think he is a fag (which, I believe is the closest translation of “toot” to English, fruitcake is certainly not it). 

When Trin was getting beaten up by Anan, Josh just puts his Walkman radio on and ignores the entire fight. Anan and Josh both say Trin is dead (and to be fair, if it were me and a student at my high school went missing a full year before, I would probably also assume they had died). 

Oh! And another thing, one of the drawings in Dan's vision of the One Armed Man was a camera, you know who is associated with cameras?

Josh, our resident Photographer and General Assistant

I think @brazilian-whalien52 made a great point in the conversation I had with her: “Shadow seems like the type of drama everybody had a little hand in. Not an individual blame, but a look through society and the roles we play that affect others,” 

All of which is to say, I unfortunately, will be withholding granting Josh “favorite straight boy” status in Shadow until the narrative proves my theory wrong.

[qqueenofhades]

As much as I love hearing trump getting more charges and would love nothing more than him to get sent to prison, I fear that when he eventually goes to trial, they’re will be some crazy maga nut who could watch him kill their mother and would still claim he’s innocent.

Honestly, I am... not totally sure what y'all want me to say here? I get the fear, believe me, but also, after every Trump indictment, just like clockwork, a lot of Gloomy the Doom Men pop up to pre-emptively insist that it doesn't mean anything, it won't go anywhere, he won't actually be punished, etc. I'm not saying this is that, but it does happen every time, and I just... don't know what I'm supposed to do about it? Is this part of the whole "The System Doesn't Work and Therefore We Are Justified in Not Participating" thing that the online leftists habitually do, or what? Honest question. First it was he'll get re-elected, then it was he will never leave power, then it was the Republicans will win in 2022, then it was he will never get indicted, etc. The goalposts keep shifting so any progress we do make on holding him to account (which is far more than has ever happened to any other American president, including actual war criminal George W. Bush) somehow is "meaningless" and I just?? Don't get it??

First of all, jury selection is a thing, and aims to weed out those who, in this case, are either too vehemently against Trump or too vehemently for him. They want the exact sort of mushy middle voter of which there are far too many in this country, who can be persuaded one way or the other but doesn't have ironclad previous biases. Also, they must have done a good job selecting jurors so far, given that all the grand juries have returned indictments, and at least one of them (the one in NY) had someone who was a fan of conservative talk radio/right wing politics. So if by this you mean one rogue juror will preclude a guilty conviction, that is something that can actually be planned for and prepared, and as I said, all the grand juries seated to hear evidence against Trump so far have returned indictments.

Also, this case has been assigned to U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan, who is an Obama appointee and has been willing to sentence J6 defendants harshly in the past. She is widely regarded as competent, fair, and firm, and will not grant any of the bullshit delays that Aileen Cannon the Trump-stooge judge will bend over backward to find for him in the Mar-a-Lago docs case in Florida. So there's a strong possibility this one goes to trial before May 2024, and the judge in this case is neither a Trump judge or a slobbering Trump partisan: indeed, quite the opposite. So I don't think we can assume that she will be so incompetent as to not manage her own trial and/or jury.

Anyway, yes. We don't know what will happen, but similar to the Espionage Act charges he got hit with last time (themselves meriting of a stiff prison sentence) Trump is facing yet more high-level felony charges that come with serious jail time. So how about for now, we don't automatically assume that what will be the most watched and covered trial in a generation will fall apart because of a simple and easily avoidable mistake that even I, a non-lawyer, know how to fix, much less a team of extremely experienced prosecutors who know this has to be absolutely fucking watertight and then some? It will be better on your mental health for the long run and arguably also much more accurate.

[hadesoftheladies]

this week has been emotionally difficult for me. heck, ever since 2020 happened it's been constant coping tbh. i just woke up and watched soldiers fire at red cross medics at parliament. in my city. i just saw dead bodies litter my twitter. fellow countrymen. i am watching women and men choke on teargas. the country may go dark soon because now the the oligarch we call president is treating the protests as a coup. at least one million protestors out in the streets today. several died and more injured. there is going to be a state of emergency declared soon.

do you know what i was doing in 2019? going to movies and seeing all sorts of new places. in just three years, everyone is penny pinching. in just three years, this city full of startups and a rising business sector is set to be reduced to haitian levels of poverty. biden sends our soldiers to fight in a country he destabilized. did i say fight? i meant die :)

at the snap of a white man's fingers. american congressmen were in kenyan parliament. determining what would happen to this country. willing to tank our economy. one my grandparents fought and bled for. one my parents slaved for. my parents should be retiring GODDAMNIT. but we aren't people. we aren't human, and we can starve if IMF gets that one extra dollar.

we've been growing steadily since independence. we were one of the strongest economies in east africa.

and now at the snap of a white man's fingers, we're all going to be reduced to rubbish.

every country that thinks they're stable of their own merit . . . it's not true as long as the west is alive. it's just not true. everything can and will change at the snap of a white man's fingers. conflict and war aren't a matter of culture or complex history or the moral impurity of a populace.

it's just white men making business decisions. you will never be pure or democratic or educated enough to protect yourself from them.

to be born in the global south feels a lot like being a woman in a patriarchy. you just keep getting fucked over, have zero autonomy, and your safety depends on the whims of a man. when he hurts you, it's your fault. when the war starts, it's what did those uncultured black/brown swine do to provoke it? didn't i tell y'all? didn't i tell y'all that palestine, iran, congo, sudan were fucking warnings? haven't we seen how this plays out? it's always their fault. always our fault.

always your fault.

and at that point, all you can do is die or resist.