#this is what being made fun of for being fat and ugly as a kid will do to you i guess lollllll

[f1owermoon]

after all these years of just trying to accept my body the way it is there's still a part of me that thinks no one will ever love me bc of my physical appearance

[starboye]

babydaddy!vinnie absolutely wrecking thicc!reader boypussy to put another baby in him and telling him he’s gonna fill him up and he’ll look so good and round with his baby omg im FERAL

could you think of anything at this point? no, you had no idea what was going on around you, for all you cared the world could be dying and you wouldn't give less than to fucks

all (sorta) thanks to the man plowing your ass like he hasn't gotten laid in years (he was just here last week) but as much as he was making you feel good he was also being incredibly annoying

"can i put another baby in you please y/n"

"vin- ah fuck... hell no"

"just one more time i promise"

he said the same thing last time before he got you pregnant, which left you with two kids instead of one, you weren't gonna risk it again

but with the way his cock was destroying your insides it had you thinking of having a plethora of this mans babies, and his argument was pretty compelling

"c'mon just think of it right, you and that big round belly i love so much"

"no vinnie"

"let me finish, you remember how fun it was carrying our baby right and god the second one made you look so handsome. so just imagine how good the third will make you look"

"fat and ugly"

"how about big and beautiful"

you were starting to think vinnie really had a thing for seeing you pregnant with how much he always wanted to get you pregnant, and damn were you glad your parents took care of the kids tonight

because vin had you moaning and whining all over your room, by morning you were a complete mess, but vinnie saw this as an opportunity and made you some breakfast and went to pick up the kids

shit, you both may have not been dating anymore but he really had you thinking of baby names now

[moonlight-tmd]

Mermay blitzbee headcanons or story please?

Oh gee, you folks are really into these mermay stuff, huh?

Unfortunatelly I don't have much to offer since I was never interested but I'll try-

Somehow these big sea monsters ended up together in Detroit- I suppose they adapted to be in both sweet and salt water so yeh. One day a little girl is hanging out with her dad at the shore and she runs off and tadah, she meets a funky lemon shark!Bee. Then the rest; orca!Optimus, puffer fish!Ratchet, marilin fish!Prowl and sea turtle!Bulkhead.

Then there's others- the mean ones; great white shark!Megatron, anglerfish!Lugnut, hammerhead shark!Shockwave, mimich octopus!Soundwave catfish!Blackarachnia and finally... flying fish/tiger shark!Blitzwing- an odd combo thought of as ugly but sturdy.

I think the two would separate and occupy the two nearest bodies of water- Autobot tribe is occupying Lake Erie while the Decepticon Tribe inhabits lake Huron.

The two tribes generally try to stay out of each other's ways with with a limited supply of fish it's rather hard not to stay out of conflicts- the con tribe has begun to be aggressive to the bots and certain boats that hunt the remaining fish in the water. That being said the bot tribe is actively trying to keep the cons busy so they both don't get discovered.

One day when Bee was looking around the bridge and the shores for fun human stuff that might have fell in he saw a shadow lurking behind some rocks- upon closer look it was Blitzwing, who literally jumped him in attempt to eat him. Of course Bee was swift to dodge. He started talking/bantering and it was revealed that the odd fish mix was left to starve because the other tribe members thought he was fat enough to get by on lower amount of food. Bee decided to take Blitz for a meal- ever since they met Sari the kid has been bringing them shockingly huge amounts of food at the docks. The feeder was there still and it wasn't much issue getting it open- Blitz ate the whole supply. He thanked the little shark and apologised for trying to eat him and swam off. From then on every other day Blitz would sneak into autobot waters and look for Bee to take him to the feeder.

Over time they started to take liking to one another- one may even spot signs of courting happening if they looked closely. Truth be told, Bee was interested in Blitzwing ever since he saw him- he was a sucked for all the odd and unique things and Blitzwing was all that, although the fact he was trying to eat few of the bots on multiple occasions was a bit alarming. Blitzwing on the other- fin? has been charmed by the tiny yellow sharkie- the curiosity, fun nature and hte kindness he offered made him Blitz's favorite mer soon. The two would meet up outside of the feeding times too, the small Lake St Clair and the rivers that connected it made a great place to hang out without being spotted by either tribe.

It was all going fine until the con tribe noticed Blitz has been putting on weight despite not eating- and it was not starvation swelling. They decided to spy on him and found out he was getting stuffed with the help of the teensy weensy lemon shark. Autobots had ways to get food so of course they invaded into their waters and tried to get it for themselves. Idk what else, there might have been a huge fight over it and then Sari got hurt in the water and yadda yadda the conflict was resolved in a peace agreement to not harm anyone and share food- oh and Sari's half mer thanks to her mother (who died when she was tiny) so she can go hang out w/ the mers in the lake.

I would guess Bee and Blitz have made their courtship public after the agreement and the cons have let him go; while the cons did nothing to better their relationship with him, he's been oddly welcome with the bots. He and Bee are quite a cute oddity.

And yes, he promised to not eat any of them nor the humans.

[cary-elwes]

Some people think when someone gains weight that automatically means that they become ugly, which is completely ignorant.

Even with his weight gain, he was still a very handsome man, and it showed with how he treated people. He was still treating people with the utmost respect, and to me, that is the hottest thing about someone.

And we don't know what he may have been going through. He became a father and it was probably stressful, or maybe he just gained weight just because. The point was that he is the same person, and he is the same man we all loved in the Princess Bride. The fact that someone would say that is extremely distasteful. Because at the end of the day, it isn't the weight that makes the person, but who they are on the inside.

Nobody should be judged based on their weight and how it shows, and I am not someone who understands how it feels to be made fun of for their weight, but I have seen how it can hurt someone because it is out of their control. We as people need to be better and more accepting, even with our favorite celebrities. ❤️

Exactly!!!! I don't understand and never will that there are people out there who think that way. I get however that different people have different preferences BUT telling someone they're ugly now because they gained weight is hurtful and stupid! I have had my own share of experiences as a chubby person and I can tell you that it really does break you. Especially when you feel left out in school because 'people don't wanna be around the fat kid' or later in life getting ditched when you've gained weight is really doing things with your soul (It also lead me to ED and other mental health problems). I cannot help that my body will never be completely skinny, that's just the way I am. That was also the reason this article mentioning Cary having aged badly and being fat / unattractive now got me all heated up and made me so angry yesterday. Saying this to/about a person is the worst thing someone can do. I don't know him personally so I cannot tell wether or not the weight gaining was due stress or something else (I can however imagine that having a kid can cause you to eat easier and quick to prepare meals which can lead to weight gain). But I personally think and I think many of us do, is that the chub looked extremely gorgeous on him (I think he even looks healther chubby). I MEAN LOOK AT HIM:

Like you said, whatever he looks like either chubby or skinny, his character and his heart won't change. It doesn't matter what he looks like because his soul and heart will always be the same. Thank you for the ask, it means a lot that you think that way, I wish everyone would think that way so we can finally bury fatphobia once and for all!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

final thoughts on the fox fella + new smol cat boi

What I find the most fascinating about Fellow isn't the character himself but rather the fandom reaction to just seeing his design. It was a tsunami of thirst unlike anything I had ever witnessed before. People were switching up oshis entirely, those who had never made a self-insert or yume before were suddenly making ones specifically to be shipped with Fellow, it was WILD. He's a homewrecker/j I support any and all Fellowives out there👍

That being said, I'm surprised that I feel so... lukewarm about him overall????? I'm usually all gung-ho for the smiling scammer types but for some reason Fellow just doesn't resonate with me. I'll admit that he's very good-looking (I love the colors of his suit, the cravat, the colorful patched up pants, and especially the silly little half capelet thing hanging off of him). His expressions are also very fun, with some favorites being his super smug smirk and the knowing, slightly-off kilter smile. However, there's just something about Fellow's personality that doesn't sit with me quite right. I know it's not the "he's a Red Flag!! RUN AWAY NOW!!!" thing either, because I love Love LOVE red flags in fictional characters 😭

Fellow is good at charming people off the cuff and using deceit to compensate for his low magical reserves, which in of itself is intriguing. It’s also admirable that he wants to start his own school for non-mages and low-magic mages to mingle, He’s an adult that still keeps the spirit of childlike wonder alive, and that makes him fun to follow. Those are the traits of his I like.

But I get the vibes that Fellow isn't as clever or as impressive as he likes to think he is...? He's full of himself but can't exactly back up his words with action. That's not meant to be a diss at his magical prowess, he's lacking in other areas as well. Like, he's a fully grown man picking fights with kids because of a personal vendetta... and he’s steering the kids home while the island is sinking and relying on them to rescue them in case anything goes wrong?? That’s just irresponsible. Not to mention he doesn’t seem to plan ahead?? How does he not know he’s kidnapping many famous and/or powerful people with families might come after his ass if they go missing?

I think that it doesn't help that the "pathetic" vibes were being conveyed in a lot of fan art well before the twist; it only adds to his "patheticness" and it gets to a point where it's too much for me and then is no longer appealing. I can get on board with him and gloating and wanting to crush kids’ dreams because same/j but not when he’s panting and wheezing and desperately tackling them for their tickets to tear up. He doesn’t feel like a genuine threat without the support of his backers. I would still say I like the character and will happily rag on him, but I wouldn't bark for him or anything (though I will grant him points for coming close to winning the cage makes it better/j).

What I appreciate about Fellow's character is that it shows us a darker side to Twisted Wonderland. I don't necessarily think his initial motives are that deep (he's after fat stacks), but I think the sentiment behind the motives are. It pulls back the curtain and reveals an ugly truth about his magical world and the roles that money and privilege play in it. We aren't exposed to many instances of this, but they are, in fact, there (like when Yuu was insulted by Riddle in book 1). It's finally getting attention front and center now—I just wish they had gone deeper with it.

What's currently got me invested in following Fellow is his relationship with Gidel. I love that they're a "found family" (they're "sworn brothers") and that Fellow seems to look after Gidel... Telling the NRC boys not to put stupid ideas in Gidel's head, walking off with Gidel at the end, recounting the times they scammed together, putting his arm out in battle to keep Gidel behind him... (or maybe I'm just delusional and want to believe the fan art LOL). I'm such a sucker for the trope of the protective big brother 💀 Unfortunately, we don't get a ton of canon moments in the event... Like damn, not even details on how they first met or how they found this job or why specifically Fellow cares for Gidel??? I don’t like that for all that we’re told about how hard the duo’s past was, we didn’t get to hear a lot of explicit detail about it (especially when it is so inherently important to their conflict with the NRC crew and their turn at the very end). I just gotta pray their eventual card next Halloween will give more insight into this.

He’s a character I like to think about mainly because his background as a failed mage student gives me a lot to chew on in terms of questioning the world’s lore and how their society is structured. Fellow himself is good for a few laughs, but it isn’t long before my mind strays, if that makes sense. I’m not chomping at the bit, but I don’t exactly detest the guy??? I guess you would call it ambivalence; I’m only fixated on certain aspects of him (the looks, the lore he provides, and the onii-sama potential).

I don't really have much to comment on for Gidel, but I have to say that I like having mute representation and more magicless characters in the cast at large. His outfit is also very fun; I like how it incorporates colors you don't normally see slapped together (that shade of yellow and purple) while still looking cohesive. I keep looking at Gidel's design and seeing a mix of Cheka and Ruggie though (because of the fluffy hair, eye shape, and stature). He very much reminds me of a smol doggo I'd bump into on a walk home and spend ten minutes standing there and considering adopting it.

As I said in my thoughts on Fellow, I think Gidel is at his best when he's in his little brother-big brother dynamic with Fellow. He's just a little guy trying his best while Fellow's trying to lead them. I think that's something the whole fandom can agree on, since I see sooo many people shading Fellow for his actions but the same people squealing and patting Gidel on the head and claiming he has done nothing wrong (despite being complicit in, and actively helping with, the trafficking operation). I guess it's because Gidel is still a child and may not fully understand the implications of it???

It's very sweet and genuine that Gidel demonstrates an interest in going to school and learning—but Fellow, who has been disappointed by the world of magic academia, warns Gidel against it. In his own way, he's keeping Gidel from what he sees as an uppity, shallow realm that will crush his hopes and dreams. That's Fellow's version of "protecting" him. It's a way of telling us about their relationship without outright stating how Fellow feels about Gidel. In return, Gidel also supports him and whacks him a good one when Fellow’s down in the dumps.

I'm sad that we didn't get to see more of their dynamic in the event (like we only see them having a meaningful interaction at the very end), but maybe that's just because the fandom works have set my expectations high. Unfortunately, all those sweet moments of Fellow and Gidel bonding are seemingly confined to just fanart and fanfiction, since very little is mentioned or even implied in the event itself. I'm hoping that (assuming they get a card together next year) we get to see more glimpses of their daily life in the associated vignettes.

[drkineildwicks]

Okay so let’s talk about Palworld

Because I really do gotta talk about it this thing blew up

Apparently the guys who made it were expecting to sell like 300K the first week and ended up selling two million

They’re having to run damage control on the servers because the servers legit cannot handle the traffic

Last time I saw a game look like this it was Temtem on its first days

Because literally everybody underestimated how much game freak ticked off its fanbase

Which brings us to the Donphan in the room

Pokémon VS Palworld

Look we all knew going in that this was going to be a meme factory, whenever we talked about it the game is Pokémon: Gun

But it was also one of those games that popped up when GF started its stunts with dexit, reused assets, releasing half-baked games, etc.

People made fun of it and it’s stayed off the radar until this year, when it released

And yes caution should be exercised because this developer’s other game is still in early access so people are on the lookout for a scam

Not to mention the whole thing about using Pokémon assets, apparently aping Legends’ UI, the AI stuff, NFTs, a ton of other stuff

There’s apparently a whole thread on Twitter comparing and contrasting Pokémon designs with Pal designs and you can easily pick apart where assets were, if not outright stolen, were closely copied

So going in there’s a lot of weighing of pros and cons and some actual moral dilemmas as opposed to the whole fabricated BS of Hogwarts Legacy

Yes it was terrible that Rowling said *checks notes* that biological women exist and that victimized women should be allowed to dictate who is allowed in their safe spaces, these are obviously reasons to cancel somebody please don’t slip on the sarcasm there

But I’ve been watching streams of Palworld and…I want to play it???

You can look at it and 100% name that Pokémon and go okay they got THAT idea from THIS game (watching it I can list BotW, Sunkenland, and a couple others) apparently it’s the Pokémon ripoff version of Once Human

Which also ticks me off because after watching videos of that one I want to play that one too

And originally the big reason for looking more seriously at Palworld is…game freak needs to suffer

They’ve been releasing trash games for years now, the only good Pokémon game as of late is Legends Arceus and do not get me STARTED on the state that ScarVi released in

And then them having the gall to charge the price of a full game for DLC

So in order to play the ‘full game,’ you have to pay for BotW, TotK, and possibly a Mario game on top of it

Ain’t nobody got funds for that

Also the shills

I was telling Mom about all this earlier and when it came to discussing Pokémon games, even comparing them to previous Pokémon games, discussions online go like this anymore: “Well it’s not MADE for you!  It’s for kids!  Go find something else to do and quit picking on the poor multibillion dollar franchise! uwu”

And thus the people who grew up with Pokémon move on to other games, like Nexomon, Temtem, Cassette Beasts, Kindred Fates, Coromon, Palworld, etc.

Shills: “Wait no that’s illegal”

Honestly it’s like the YouTube vs Rumble or Twitter/Tumblr vs Conservative/right-wing websites thing—if you chase them off, what did you think they were going to do?

And then the design thing…a big fat part of me does not feel sorry about that

Because every single other game I listed?  The shills will look at those designs and go “what ripoffs they’re obviously Pokémon but not friend-shaped so ugly!”

So basically anything’s a ripoff, you might as well go full ripoff because the ‘fans’ are going to hate on it anyway

Also if anything even remotely shaped like a Pokémon is a ripoff, then Flamigo angers me even more because that is such a lazy design yes I’m still mad

Most of Gen IX legit looks like they asked an AI to spit out some Pokémon-shaped stuff and called it a day maybe a quarter of the ‘dex is salvageable and that’s being generous

And having spent the past year or so designing ‘mons for the DA group I help mod…three people doing designs have no problem filling a ‘dex out, the most time-consuming part of creating new Pokémon ought to be modeling the thing and once that’s down you’re good

Which means that Pokémon…has honestly asked for Palworld

Because let me tell you something—when I look at this ripoff of a game, this scam game that comes from people who think that NFTs and AI scraping and plagiarism is a good thing, that claims that every Pal that escapes from a ball had parents that never married, and I STILL want to play it over Pokémon?  When the scam game released in a better state than ScarVi?????

Pokémon drove every single customer to Palworld and because of it Palworld deserves every single one of those two million purchases

[shojislady]

2. SO SCANDALOUS

"-ess.. princess. wake up, we need to get ready. kacchans making pancakes right now."

grumbling, she turns over to look at her clock. it's 10:15am, izuku let her sleep in a bit. today, the class was going out to the mall then the arcade to have class bonding time. with everything that's gone on, from the USJ incident and the tension from the sports festival, to the fight with stain (where endeavor unfairly took credit, causing the girl to have a "slight" hatred for him), and even the final exams, having to go against All Might with Bakugo and Midoriya, it was just a lot to handle. they're just kids, and kids need breaks.

walking into the bathroom, the girl began her daily morning routine.

"damn.. i look ROUGH..!" she said as she looked in the mirror. her bonnet looked as if it was trying to run away, her tank top was all twisted up, right boob was up in russia while the left one stayed home in america. she had eye boogers all around and her angel bite piercings were no where to be found.

she slept good.

"you know what... let me just wash my face right now and i'll do everything else after i eat."

her face care routine consists of ; black african soap, witch hazel, hydration drops, and a bit of coco butter.

finishing up and putting away her stray boobs, she found one of bakugos stolen hoodies and made her way downstairs.

(i would just like to add that she sleeps in boxers so yk that ass lookin fat 😋)

"good morning guys!" she greeted everyone, with a slight smile and wave. almost everyone was up, with the exception of a few people.

"hii y/n!"

"mornin bestie!!"

"Good Morning, Y/n! Glad to see you awake!"

and so on and so forth

"mornin angel.. im making your pancakes right now, but there's bacon on the tiny burner and i made u a tiny omelette. those burner thingies really come in handy, you know?"

"its a heating tray, katsu. and yes, that's why i bought them." she bought them for holidays like christmas and american thanksgiving, but since there's 21 kids living in one dorm, it's used more than expected.

"is that my fucking hood?? i've been looking for that for weeks!" bakugo exclaimed, turning around to give the girl a plate so that she could fix her food. "when the hell did you even- whatever.. as long as i get it back."

(Spoiler Alert, he doesn't)

"erm.. anyways..! so guys, what time are we supposed to be leaving??" asked y/n, going to take a seat next to shoji.

"Well, we're trying to leave for the mall around 12:45 since it isn't far, then leave the mall no later than 4:30-5." yaomomo began to explain. "I was able to rent the arcade from 6:15 to 10:30, food and drinks included, along with lazer tag , and we get the option of going in the bounce area, so when we get there just let me know."

"damn yaomomo... i knew you was stacked but DAMN!!"

"ong, bro's LOADED.."

"i'm calling you if i need to bailed out of jail."

"honestly guys it's not much, i just want us to have fun and relax as a class while being safe!" yaomomo said with a small smile on her face. she was literally loaded, like pockets so deep they could fit 3 gallons of milk each, pockets so swole they need an ice pack, pockets so fat they need they own TLC show type rich. but even so, she didn't like to flaunt her wealth. she'd rather use her money to pay for gifts and events for her friends, rather than to flex some diamond earrings or a gold necklace. She's still a teen girl though, so she still loves to go shopping. The girl is really just happy that she's found friends that actually love her for her, and not for her money.

"you're so cute yaomomo! i love you!"

"well thank you y-"

"if anyone, i mean ANYONE fucks with you, call me. these hands are rated E for Everyone. my fists are activists. i dont care if they're old, young, tall, short, fine, ugly, gay, straight. I believe in equality, and with equality comes equally distributed ass whoopings jus-"

"OK, n/n! i think momo gets how much you love her! since you're done eating can u help me?" midoriya interrupted the girls small rant.

"you gotta face the consequences of last night huh? you should've listened to me, but yeah i'll help!"

"you dont have to rub salt on the wound!" he whined. "i'll get stuff and meet in your room again?"

"sounds like a plan, izuku!" she replied, getting up to grab her plate and bring to the kitchen.

"OoOh y/n~" jirou began to tease. "last night? your room AGAIN? what scandalous activities have you been up to?"

"chill kyo, its not like that! he messed up his hair on his own and we always hang in my room bc its more.. welcoming.. then his."

"i know, y/n! im jus messin' with ya."

with her plate in hand, y/n walked into the kitchen where bakugo resided. he was cleaning and putting away the dirty plates before he started to soak the pans.

"so, the nerd fell asleep in your room again huh?" he asked, washing a plate.

"yeah, he started to doze off a little while after you left, so he slept with me."

"i dont know why you guys dont just ask eachother out yet. you two are basically in love with eachother."

"katsuki, you know how i feel, and you know how zuku is. im pretty sure if he would act the same way with the rest of the class as he acts with us if he just trusted them more." she informed, getting ready to wash her plate before bakugo snatched it.

"don't even try it." ever since they could crawl, they've never let the girl lift a finger. hungry? chef katsuki at your service! scraped your knee? Dr.deku to the rescue! and yes, they know that she's the perfectly capable and well off to do these things on her own, but why should she when she has two men to do it for her?

"anyways. we've all known eachother since literally birth. i see things, i observe things. you two are literally inseparable. im pretty sure y'all first words were eachothers names. you know how you act around him, you see with your own two (or four) eyes the way he acts with you, and im pretty sure he peeps it too. just ask eachother out already and stop being pussies for fucks sake!"

"oh my gosh?? shut the fuck up?? you're so damn loud??" she said, slapping him in the back of his neck.

"aye. try me again and we gotta tussle. i'm not deku. i'll will beat the black off you. i strike so much fear into your melanin pigmentation that it will come to me."

"whatever katsuki, u can run me my ones later, i gotta go help zuku now."

"ight then angel, u better be ready. see ya later."

with that, she finally left the kitchen and headed towards her dorm to meet izuku.

.*•

"finally.." the boy sighed. it's now 11:45 am, and they (she) just finished detangling, moisturizing, and somewhat styling his hair. at this point, her fingers and wrists were tired, her back was aching, her feet were sore, and she had the very violent urge to go back to her black roots and pop this nigga with the comb.

"I know damn well YOU not heavy breathing like you did some work. all yo lazy ass did was sit there and watch Netflix. YOU COULDN"T EVEN HOLD THE DAMN SPRAY..."

"I'm sorry, ma. thank you so much, I should've listened to you last night. now do you already have clothes ready? or do you need to pick something out?" he asked, pulling her into a hug and rubbing her back.

".. you better be so lucky i love you. but yes, i need to pick. have u chosen?"

" yup, right before I came to wake you up. so i'll help you if you want?"

"yes please"

taglist: @ast4rg1rl

I FINALLY DID IT YALL..

and i already started the next chapter🙏🏾

well i split this chapter up into 2 to make things easier on me and y'all!!

so if its not out by next week then i'll post something embarrassing 🙏🏾

BUT ILL BE IN DUBAI FOR A WHILE SO JULY 13th IS MY DEADLINE

anywho

when i show outfits and stuff they're just there for ppl like me who can't visualize that well <3

WELL

UNTILL NEXT TIMEE

[choccy-zefirka]

Fun fact about me: when I was a teen, on two (2) separate occasions, an adult assumed that I had some sort of intellectual disability/low IQ because I "looked a certain way" (read: like a regular greasy-haired kid struggling with changes in their body, but also fat and wearing baggy clothes like a "slob"). I sometimes project this onto my OCs, like Evaraas and Lenka here.

And yeah, they both have blue hair and pronouns (Evaraas is they/them; Lenka is she/her nb person, CC options be praised). Though in Lenka's case, her hair color is going to change throughout her adventures as she loves experimenting with it and makes her own hair dyes.

Evaraas was adopted by a woman who was a lone magic-less warrior in an altus family, and was already assumed to be not too bright by the rest of the Mercars. She usually did not object against it and endured the insults in silence that only reaffirmed the family's perception of her as "dim-witted". In fact, getting to adopt Evaraas was the only instance she stood up to her Smart And Perfect mage sister, and Evaraas did not understand Tevene back then, so they have no clear memory of what the human women were talking about. As far as they know, their adoptive mother has always been like this.

Thus, Evaraas, also a warrior, copied and internalized her acceptance of negative stereotypes about her intelligence, which compounded with their childhood memories of becoming aqun-athlok. They were originally trained to be a Tamassran but then switched over to the Antaam, and they think about it a lot: "I used to be so excited about that, but what if I was never smart enough to be a Tamassran?".

Obviously being a rare Qunari in Tevinter does not help Evaraas' case, as many people might look at them and see a brute "ox", but the personal experience I draw from does not have a racial component, just fatphobia.

Then, there's Lenka, who's stuck in a cycle of "I look like this" (fat, with a prominent birthmark and a damaged eye from the one time her father hit her with a bottle when drunk) -> "I get made fun of by shems and elves alike" -> "I keep to myself and do not speak to people" -> "Everyone assumes that I must be simple-minded" -> "I keep to myself even more".

In reality, of course, both Evaraas and Lenka are quite intelligent: Evaraas is the secret anonymous author of one of Bellara's favorite Tevinter serials, and Lenka is a brilliant alchemist and latent mage that was weak enough to fly under the Templar radar as a kid in the alienage, but has amped her power a bit due to Fade shenanigans.

Also, Lenka's full name is Lenore, but she's embarrassed to use it because it's been drilled into her, mostly by her father, that it's too pretty a name for such an ugly person. She wishes she could be someone worthy of being a Lenore, but sike! She always was!

[pixie-violet]

unfinished article #1: Why was Nu Metal considered the most embarrassing era for metal?

i struggled to finish this one because i got confused and lost my point. i wanted to have a little redemption/defense for nu metal in the end but i got my facts wrong (i.e. kittie was an influential female nu metal band when the genre arose in the 90s). basically i wanted to make the point that nu metal was demonised so much that it caused a lot of destruction in the genre, which what I was getting at with pig and chester's deaths towards the end of the article. Word count: 935 - long read

Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of rape, suicide, and overdoses.

Korn, Limp Bizkit, Slipknot, Deftones, Rage Against The Machine, Linkin Park, Mudvayne, System of a Down, Helmet – the list could go on, these bands were the pinnacle of Nu Metal.

From the aggressive rapping, to white people rocking dreadlocks and goatees, Nu Metal defined the 1990s. It was the alternative’s protest to the manufactured teen heartthrobs and idols of the MTV generation.

The sound of Nu Metal is loved by most metal fans; we all have staple songs like ‘Break Stuff’, ‘Killing In The Name’, ‘Chop Suey’, or ‘Duality’ on our everyday playlists. However, in retrospective articles on the movement, music journalists have considered Nu Metal to be an embarrassing stain on the metal genre – an era that should never have occurred.

But why?

One reason can be summed up in two words: Fred Durst. Fred Durst is the frontman of Limp Bizkit, and was one of the pioneers of integrating rap into metal music. However, he is ridiculously unlikeable, with his band and fans being described by Marilyn Manson as "illiterate apes that beat your ass in high school for being a 'f*g' and now sell you tuneless testosterone anthems of misogyny and pretend to be outsiders...".

Fred Durst’s terrible attitude never fails to get him into feuds with fellow artists – from Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails to Eminem. Because of this, he created a reputation that the Nu Metal movement is full of angry, aggressive, and frankly mindless people that made the era extremely unlikeable.

Metal had spent most of the 80s creating a harmonious community of headbanging fans. Fred Durst enters the scene, ruining metal’s harmony by calling Slipknot fans “fat, ugly kids”. Durst’s only meaningful contribution to music was being the catalyst for the downfall of Woodstock 99.

Let’s talk about the ridiculousness that was Woodstock 99.

30 years after the original Woodstock festival, Michael Lang (founder of Woodstock) felt as though Generation X needed their own “3 Days of Peace and Music”. However, Lang’s age had showed because despite protests from Generation X organisers, he had put together a destructive line-up of Nu Metal artists that would cause the demise of Woodstock altogether.

The audience the Nu Metal line-up attracted certainly did not scream “peace”. Many were of the ‘frat bro’ archetype who’s oppressive amounts chauvinism was what ruined the festival. Along with the greed of the organisers, combined with the scorching heat, meant that the festival-goers were growing angrier as the festival progressed.

This culminated when Limp Bizkit performed ‘Break Stuff’, which prompted a riot in the audience and a car being driven into the rave tent during Fatboy Slim’s set. On the final day, the audience had quite literally torn a part the entire festival, setting fire to everything they could.

Moreover, one of the main criticisms of Nu Metal is the attitudes towards women. The 90s metal scene was dominated by men, you would be hard-pressed to find a Nu Metal band or fan who was a woman during the era. There’s no surprise why there weren’t many female fans when the music was centred around male rage. However, when the mainstream at the time focused too much on making fun of Slipknot’s masks, the male rage of the fans was never taken seriously and was allowed to spiral.

During Woodstock 99, one of the main controversies and criticisms was the issue surrounding the treatment of women. Sheryl Crow was sexually harassed throughout her set, with audience members who were waiting for Korn later that day shouting “show us your tits!”. There were five reported rapes and numerous sexual assaults, one during Korn’s set and another in the car that was driven into Fatboy Slim’s set – baring in mind that the audience of Fatboy Slim’s set was comprised mostly of Limp Bizkit fans who wanted to keep the party going.

The responsibility of these assaults went straight to the Nu Metal bands, with the media blaming their music with promoting such acts – which is simply untrue. The actions of the individuals should have been examined, as well as the health and safety of the festival.

The misogyny of the Nu Metal era has extended to today. If you are a metal fan on TikTok, I’m sure you have come across the ‘Deftones gf’ – she’s an extension of the 2020 e-girl trend. With her thick eyeliner, 2000s grunge style, and piercings, the trend dictates that she’s an emotionally unavailable girl with potential daddy issues.

Modern metal fans have used the ‘Deftones gf’ to subtly put down women who enjoy metal music, making them out to be gaslighting manipulators. Take it from a supposed Deftones gf, it makes the metal community uncomfortable to be associated with.

Nu Metal isn’t all bad when it comes to the treatment of women. At the moment, it’s having a resurgence with female rage being put into the spotlight with the likes of Nova Twins. It seems that nearly 30 years after Nu Metal burst into the music scene, there is finally a space for women.

As mentioned before, Nu Metal was never taken seriously when it first arose. It seemed that the bands were too focused on hating each other, and the mainstream media were too focused on making fun of them. The rage in the music isn’t just lyrics, they’re a cry for help, so it doesn’t help when the genre is not taken seriously and infighting is rife.

With tragedies like Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington’s suicide in 2017, to the overdose of Slipknot’s Paul Gray (also known as Pig).

[kidddoz]

Lotftober, day 7 - Piggy

Oh Auntie, do you remember those days? Those awfully sweet days were so full of pain. Those sugar-coated days when life was still miserable, but at least I had you and caramel and chocolate chip pastries.

Do you still remember me after all this time? Do you remember hugging me so tightly that we could disintegrate into tears and unspeakable love?

Do you remember waking me up in the middle of the night? You shook me gently and waited for me to put on my specs properly. The tears looked like frosting and made your face ugly, but your strokes on my messy hair were so calming. How did you feel when you told me about Mum and Dad? What did I feel? It is hard to remember, but it must have been hard.

Do you remember being by my side those afternoons after school? I have never felt shame in crying, but I felt little whenever my face turned as red as a tomato. You ran to me and always assured me that one of these days, those boys would stop making fun of me. That one day, they will call me by my name. Nor Piggy, nor Fatty. And just be liked as me.

Do you remember buying me my first book? You sure do. You have always liked to brag about my expression. Glazed shining eyes, such a sweet picture to have in your mind, Mama. You encouraged me to be clever, so I always assumed I needed to grow up for you so you would be alone taking care of a childish boy. I couldn't let that happen because you needed me as much as I needed you.

Do you remember your sweet-toothed nephew? You used to wait for me at the sweet shop to have 5 o'clock tea and talk about our days. You always heard so dearly my new discoverements and listened quietly. And we would eat your handmade desserts and just-baked biscuits while we heard the rain pouring outside, but still, it was so warm to be with you.

You surely remember me as just a little kid, too fat and too adult to enjoy the simple things in life. But at least it was my purpose, and I know you needed me, and I have always needed you. And maybe there'll be a day we could share a cup of hot cocoa, just as you like, and I'll tell you about my new friend. But I know you'll be okay, Auntie. Just save me some cupcakes for when we see each other again.

______________

God, I almost forgot to post this before day 7 ended, can't believe we completed an entire week.

I have no comments respecting the writing, it's pretty much sad. I always think about Piggy's auntie, and I hc they had such a good dynamic together, they were besties. And now Auntie must feel so alone :'(

[aromanticannibal]

amateur art advice from an amateur artist.

disclaimer. this isn't for people who want to make art their jobs (some of the advice may be useful to you, but some will very much not be). keep that in mind.

1. it's okay if you're not good. seriously. what matters is that you're creating and having fun (and if you're not having fun, perhaps there's something wrong).

good is subjective. when I was 13 and I drew big pretty anime eyes for the first time, I was super happy! and for me, it looked good. and it still looks good for someone out there, just like how people tell you how good your art looks when you think it's mediocre. it's not. your art is good, because you made it. Its true quality does not matter until you need it to for work. You're still learning, be good to yourself.

2. you've heard the PRACTICE advice from everyone ever, so I'll go with something different : try new stuff.

for all the summer holidays of 2021, I didnt draw at all, only doodled silly cats because yknow. mental illness. when I drew again, I tried drawing a full body pose, which I never succeeded in doing before. and I did it! obviously it wasn't perfect, but it was the best ive ever done. and now im pretty okay with drawing poses!

so try new stuff. try to draw busts from another angle, try to draw profiles. draw noses, draw combat poses, draw folds and old people and fat people and black people because i know most of the starting artists start with one type of character and stick to it (for me, it was front facing busts of skinny white girls with straight hair and no nose).

this also counts for objects, and animals, try to draw them (and try to draw people if you've only ever drawn animals or objects)

and again, it does not matter if it doesn't look good at first. don't get discouraged. your favorite artists have something they struggle with, the most famous and respected artists have struggled with some things and probably still disliked some parts of their work at their peak.

3. look at people. try to draw who you see. if you don't get out much or are scared to draw people when they're with you, then draw from photographs you have, or references (im begging new artists to look at references of actual human people. I'm on my knees. references are important, study what you see).

study your own face! when you take selfies or when you put on makeup or even just when you see your reflection - if you can, look at your face, the shape of your eyes, your nose, your lips, your face. I rediscovered this year that I actually have freckles and realized I have more of them on one side than the other. I realized my face is actually pretty androgynous and I have a soft square jaw. look at people. look at yourself, look at everything around you.

4. learn and try the tips other artists give you. once someone said that to draw both eyes the same way, you had to draw them at the same time, step by step, instead of doing one then the other. and it works! for me at least. don't be afraid to try stuff. you don't even have to keep doing it if you don't like how it looks or doesn't fit with your style, that's fine! just try to do things for a while, and if in the end it doesn't work out, you at least know this is a thing that exists and you know it doesn't work for you. knowledge is useful.

5. STOP. BEING. SO. HARD. ON. YOURSELF.

no one cares there's 10 years old kids who can draw better than you. no one cares you're starting at 30 years old, or 40, 50, any age that isn't teenagehood. and if there's people who care, they should not. you should draw because you want to. if drawing isn't making you happy, then stop, or try something else. if you are able, take art classes! do whatever makes you happy and stop thinking what you're doing is cringe, or bad, or ugly. it does not matter. what matters is if you're having fun or not. how "cringe" or "basic" it is does not matter.

I hope you keep loving art and I hope you keep doing art because there are people who want to see it. even if you think it's mediocre, even if it really is, even if you're a beginner. I hope you never stop doing art because you think it's never going to amount to anything.

good luck doing art, and have fun!

[misswannabeperfect]

A text similar to "Battered feet on and off the scale" but based on my experience so far.

Gathering all the strength to simply get out of bed,

Weighting and counting all the food, 3 almonds no more, 100 grams of this, a spoonful of that, still feeling guilty when all's consume.

A Monster can or a coke per day to get the energy to move around and 1 to 2 hours of exercise to get to eat a second time. Feeling guilty either way.

Happiness and confidence to fit into a pair of jeans, crushed when I meet my eyes in the mirror, feeling the fat on my thighs and my cheeks, face getting deformed in the window pane.

Unable to keep a selfie, called no fun for refusing to pose for a photo, avoiding the reflection, crying defeated in a lake of clothes because nothing fits, nothing's good enough, I don't deserve to wear the pretty fabric

And running for kilometers to win back some value, getting dizzy in the shower but I can't eat yet. Coughing, choking, spitting in the sink at my 5 years old cousin's birthday party to purge her cake.

Seeing my nails brittle and refusing to be called cute or pretty in case I might get cocky and stop putting in the work.

Fatphobic thoughts yell into my brain and oh my god how is that girl so thin, I want her legs, I want her face. Dreaming of becoming this Frankenstein abomination made of the pretty body parts I saw here and there.

The guilt again, because I'm not active enough during the day but how am I supposed to when all these people out there look at me and judge me and do I smell bad, tending for my hurt toes full of bruises and broken nails.

And running again but everything's painful, thinking about this dude who told me that my face's ugly but thankfully my body is nice and here comes the guilt once again when I crave chocolate.

Waiting for hours to go to the kitchen to eat because someone is still awake and I can't be seen eating, the guilt once more when they stare at my food, it's like I can hear what's going on in their head.

Looking in the mirror and you can't see the bones, God why ? When will my hips show up again, why are my knees so fat, why is my butt so round, and why must I be a woman when I hate my breasts ?

Being disgusted to get my periods each month only to become swollen when I don't even want kids, hiding in big clothes in case someone sexualizes me again, and the guilt to remember all the fatlogic I used to believe in, fearing what mother thinks but also craving her love and admiration now that i'm disappearing again.

Feeling my arms, my face, my hips, my shoulders, my back in hope to notice some progress, scared to become crazy cause some clothes fit but I don't see any change in the mirror and going to run everytime, when it rains, when it's cold, when it's hot, eating with chopsticks because it lasts longer and daydreaming of what the future will look like once I get there

Finally the guilt, again, cause really, I should know better.

[bullreigns]

You know, it's been a really weird experience for me, with transitioning and getting more confident in myself, because of just how different everything really is for me.

I was always the kid who people got dared to ask out as a joke, the one who was made fun of constantly for being fat and ugly and really tall and broad for a "girl," and because of that I just sort of gave up on the idea that anyone would ever be able to care about me despite my appearance, let alone find me attractive.

It was a really long journey for me, and I'm still on it, I'm far from done with my transition, but. I am at a place I never thought I could be? I always thought if I wanted to be attractive I needed to act small, lose more weight, shave everything, be "normal." But now I'm a fucking bear, I'm big and hairy and strong and loud and I don't hide my scars and cystic acne, and I think I'm legitimately hot as fuck! And I'm not the only one! You could not have told me 10 years ago that in 10 years I would be happily married, as well as having TWO girlfriends, and all of my partners think I am physically SO attractive that THEY had crushes on ME. I never thought people online would see random pics of me and say "That guy is hot, I should ask if he's single," and "I want to see what's under those clothes." I never thought I would even be alive at this point, but I'm more alive than I've ever been. Here we are, you know? Here we are.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Ah! Valentine’s Day! What better time to share relics from romances past….

Um, WAY past! LOL

The first romance involved a shockingly older man. Okay, boy instead of man. He was all of 7 and I was a mere 4yr old. As you can see, he wrote me my first “love letter”. He knew how to get to the point.

Oh he was so cute, tall with sparkling eyes, golden hair, and big teeth, but he was also fun.

He once tried to pull a prank on me with a trick pack of gum that would snap your finger. I may have been little, but saw through it and refused. My grandmother chided me for saying no, that it wasn’t polite. I still refused, saying it was a trick. He laughed, grinning ear to ear, and told my grandmother I was absolutely right. He even demonstrated the snap on his own finger.

You know, the way he smiled at me when I saw through the trick and said no was so beautiful, like the sun shinning on me. It was pure delight. We both knew the trick without saying anything, sharing a private knowledge that others standing right there didn’t get. He actually loved I was smart. I think I have spent the rest of my life chasing after that kind of smile. The most romantic thing I can imagine is someone’s eyes sparkling as we both “get” something.

Once his grandparents died he stopped visiting the neighborhood, but I remembered him with incredible affection. Unfortunately when I finally saw him again we were both in high school things were very, very different. He was now one of the cool kids and I was the fat, ugly, introverted geek. I don’t think he spoke to me once, and would avert his eyes if we started to face each other.

Still, even if teenage Michael wasn’t even friend material, I will always love 7yr old Michael.

Now this doll is even more dear to me, because the boy was even dearer to me. I’s even go so far as to say Stacy was my first real love.

I’m sure I’ve written about Stacy. I was the older woman here, a year older and more than a head taller, though I don’t think either of us ever seemed to notice that. He was smart (I guess a given with my weakness for smarts) and fiery tempered. But it wan’t a violent sort of fiery temper, let me be clear about that. It was more like blow up fights that he always apologized for. He was the only boy I ever knew that would, all on his own, say he was sorry and absolutely mean it. He was a total sweetheart, temper or not.

Stacy was the kind of boy that made me really notice what a boy looked like. All these years later I remember the way his eyes always twinkled with mischief and crinkled when he smiled. I remember the little birthmark dimple at the corner of his eye, the eyelashes as thick and dark as a deer, the skin that was always warm, always brown as dry leaves, and smelled like the woods. I can remember walking behind him on a summer day and being mesmerized by how his shoulder blades moved as he walked shirtless and shoeless on the too hot street.

I remember his voice and his laugh and every contour of his body even after all the other boys have faded in my memory to names and vague shapes like ghosts of who they were.

Back the there were a pack of us kids running wild in the neighborhood. Children were allowed to be naturally feral creatures back then, and it was glorious. I was the only girl in the group, which TBH is nothing like how fiction has depicted it.

Honestly fiction made me miserable, thinking there were rules about these thing. Fiction said, or at least I thought it did, that when there is one girl and several guys the girl has to marry one. The problem wasn’t that I thought I was destined to marry one if the boys, it’s who I thought it had to be.

See, this is where I thought there were rules. I thought it had to be the “leader”, and since we didn’t exactly have one (leader shifting depending on who was hanging out that day) there were the “like with like” rules. That meant as second oldest, with college educated parents, I’d have to marry the oldest boy who, unlike the others, also had college grad parents….

The boy I fought with all the time. The sexist boy that pretended he didn’t know me at school for the sake of status. The boy with the skin as cold, pale, and damp as the underbelly of a cat fish.

I remember crying when it occurred to me what fate lay ahead. I didn’t want to marry Jeff, I wanted to marry Stacy!

Obviously I was just confused by fiction. Actual fate has ended up with me married to no one. Oh well.

So I adored him, and he seemed especially fond me too. Not that either of us would have dreamed of saying that word “love”. We were little kids, safe from all the anxiety over what what we felt and whether it would be requited. Grownups worried about that sort of thing.

One year my birthday rolled around and I got a tangible bit of proof of his affection for me.

Now understand, I wasn’t expecting anything from any of the boys. There was an understood rule that none of the kids gave you gifts unless you had a party, and even then everyone knew the Mom’s picked the gifts. The boys themselves never, ever gave you a gift.

Stacy rushed over that day, I mean rushed, with a sense of purpose. He called me over behind my family’s car, where the other boys wouldn’t see us. In his hand was a present.

Oh he was so excited! He smiling, so eager for me to unwrap it that for a little you would think he would blurt out what it was before I could finish. I had NEVER seen any of the boys looking so proud and happy. I talked in one long explosion of words. He’d wanted to give me a birthday present, he’d picked it out himself, it was the most beautiful doll they had, did I like….and he looked up at me with those gorgeous puppy dog eyes, so hopeful and expectant.

The doll was a dollar store type doll, thin plastic with the hair only attached at the very top of the head, and at the time just wearing a blue bikini poorly stitched (the clothes in the pic were made by my cousin). It’s makeup was a bit like Stacy’s Mom, so I figured that’s why he was drawn to it. If you had pointed to the doll on a shelf and asked me what I thought I wouldn’t have used the word beautiful.

But it was. It was beautiful because he thought it was beautiful. He had thought of me and picked out just for me. He had even risked mocking by the other boys to give me this doll. Of course it was beautiful. Love makes everything beautiful!

I haven’t seen Stacy since I was 9. I moved out to the farm and he moved away. It’s been decades, and yet I still miss him, this best friend that had claimed a special corner of my heart. And you know what, I will probably still think of him until the day I do. You don’t just forget people that make you feel loved.

[pinkcatminht]

Any good resources on trying to unlearn crap people who grew up idolizing Harry Potter probably swallowed, or analyses of things like the antisemitism that digs into how that fits in with the apparent criticism of purity politics?

Unsure what you mean about the purity politics point, but for the rest of your post I unfortunately don't have anything off the top of my head. Im currently opening the floors to any of my followers who'd like to help out with that!

For me, the two things that really made me fully give up on HP as a series and start to unlearn the harmful shit, was remembering how I felt reading a lot of her stuff. Like yes, magic is awesome, and wizards are cool and shit. But I remember that small twinge I felt as a fat kid, every time she'd refer to how fat and ugly an antagonist was. I remember the twinge I felt when she'd make fun of Rita Skeeters facial hair, as someone who grew up in a girl's body and had facial hair. And I remember most of all being so confused about how nobody wanted to help Hermione liberate the house elves- obvious slaves who supposedly WANTED to be slaves? Even as a kid, that plotline made no sense to me. although I didn't have the words as a child to articulate all of these things, I do now - it's all bigotry. Fatphobia. Transphobia. Condoning literal fucking slavery. And I haven't even touched on the antisemitism of the goblins yet.

The second thing that was listening to other marginalized people around me. Jews who had things to say about the goblins, Black people whose lineage comes from chattel slavery talking about the house elves, people of all walks of life who criticize how she wrote non-British characters(Seamus, Parvati, and Cho Chang are famous examples), other fat people and trans people talking about the body shaming and how it exposes these beliefs in the author.

I've said it before, and it bears repeating now: you can't separate the art from the artist when the artist is using their art(which reflects their bigoted views) to mistreat people in real life, and Rowling is well-known for doing that in spades. It sucks, and there are still parts of the series I like to this day(I still credit Tonks for being one of my earliest genderfluid awakenings, solely bc I know it'd piss Rowling off). But overall, the series is shit on any critical read-through as an adult, and it's not a series worth caring about in my opinion in this day and age.

Also, if you want good content about wizarding schools, check out Ursula K. LeGuin, who Rowling bit off of for HP anyways.

[calypsoff3]

Fifty Four.

I am not happy that I have been deported to Barbados, I mean I don’t hate the place but I would have preferred to stay with a certain person in London, I mean I am not attached but I like his company but whatever. I am spending my New Year in Barbados which isn’t a negative thing but I am sure I will feel the negative vibe from pawpaw about things, but auntie has bought us to my momo house, they are doing a New Year party here, I guess I get to see all of my cousins, which is fun “look at my grandbabies” momo said, I smiled awkwardly “how was Christmas? I missed you both actually” momo said “erm it was good, we enjoyed a lot, spending time with dad and mom, what more can we want” I grinned, momo sighed out smiling “good, I am just happy that you are both happy, but we can spend time together, how come your mom didn’t come?” looks like mom didn’t tell her mom a thing “oh she is erm, she is staying with Chris” auntie piped up, looking behind me at Mel “oh” I guess momo isn’t amused “right, they are divorced right” looking back at momo “they are Monica but they were friends first so yeah, she is spending the new year with the man she married and I support it and so should you, she is happy so yeah” oh auntie is really for my mom “of course, come in. Yes kids, I have made it so fun for you” well that was weird, pawpaw is here, I mean of course he is “your mom should have come here, spend time with her mom. She isn’t thinking right, once she sees him she gets caught up with him” I pulled a face “ok, whatever” I walked off “uncle!” I spat, Rorrey smiled “terror” he dapped me “I have come to annoy you actually” he chuckled “I don’t expect anything less from you at all” looking at Nadia “auntie your hair is amazing, oh my god!?” I spat “thank you” she smiled as I hugged her “sister in London?” I nodded my head, he didn’t say anything and it’s best that way. I don’t get why people need to be vocal about their negativity, that is my parents and I want them to spend time together, this makes me happy “I actually should have been in London myself” he grumbled “no” Nadia said, I pressed my lips into a hard thing line “laugh and I will throw you in the pool” I shook my head.

Dragging my Macbook further up “I can see your double chin” North said “thank you, I swear the food in London made me fat” North chuckled “you think?” nodding my head “it did, I am not sure. Maybe I ate too much cake, but if the fat from my chin can go to my boobs, life will be made. You think my boobs are small? They are, I think they are” North tilted her head “mhmm they aren’t huge but they aren’t small, small but your mom didn’t have boobs, remember she told us? She always wanted big ones, see how much you complain about your boobs” she got a point “I know” I huffed out “I miss you” I admitted “I miss you too, but you have been living! Your Insta is popping, country hopping on a Rihanna tour, like wow!?” I grinned “I don’t know North maybe because my mom is Rihanna? Maybe that is why?” North rolled her eyes “so tell me, what the fuck was that snap you sent me with that guy?” I giggled “your reaction made me laugh because what the fuck, you just sent me a load of letters” North eyeballed me “that isn’t Melo, like I know those lips and braces and that guy didn’t have that, so?” I grinned “did you hear his accent? How sexy is that? Like he didn’t need to do anything, I was feigning” she cackled “no his accent is sexy, I can’t even fault it but what is happening, you have this ugly smile on your face?” I don’t know what smile she is on about that I do, because I can’t stop smirking “what is happening!” North screamed “erm, northing really. I mean at first it was me, I was perusing him but then it ended up being us speaking all hours and just getting a long really well, and he is so calm like I am loud and just annoying but he gives me good vibes and I like him” North eyes widened “send me his name on Insta, I need to see” I scoffed grabbing my phone “I will send” I mumbled.

North doesn’t look pleased “Rylee he’s twenty three? What the fuck, I know you like light skinned men but come on? Also he is just a UK rapper boy and he isn’t going to get far in life, Melo is literally going to be in the NBA, he will be hopping on your name. You are literally a billionaire because of your parents, he is a guy that is in the hood, you need to think. Melo has better perspectives, I don’t agree” that was very judgemental of North “that was nasty, not everything is to do with money. I didn’t think of him as money or think he is after that” is she stupid “I am being realistic, a boyfriend that is in the NBA or some no nothing rapper? Like come on” shaking my head “my happiness or money? That is it right? But I don’t agree with what you are saying North, like with Melo I date him because I wanted too, he chased me so don’t forget that. Good for him he will be in the NBA, that is so nasty. I guess you will think of money” North shrugged “I am telling you the truth, you can literally be rich or ghetto” now she is being a bitch “or maybe not North, I will go with whoever makes me happy ok, that doesn’t phase me, money. If I get along with someone I do, who cares about money really. You acting really shallow right now” North popped her lips “the truth, when he becomes a big NBA star then what?” I laughed “if you want to fuck him then go for it North, because I am telling you something that nigga ain’t going to put out like you think. I am still waiting” North sighed out “I am not falling out with you over this, I am just telling you from my perspective, that is all friend. I mean yeah” she is being a dumb whore that is what “well let me decide for me, I am not basing things off what someone does ok. You all think Melo is the best thing ever, but he has yet to talk to me, why should I message him? Mhmm, he wanted to go on tour, but he couldn’t because his parents didn’t allow it and now he is quiet, just whatever. I am going now” she is not ruining my mood any more then she has.

North has put me in a mood, I just think that everything is not to do with money, why is it all money related with her, she is so dumb. Accepting the facetime “don’t mind my face” the sun is in my eyes “of course, I have just woke up. As you can see, covers over my face you know” I smiled a little “yep, you’re so efficient, when I say call you do it” Oakley side eyed me “do you mean when you ask? Let’s get that right first” I smiled “ok when I ask, you call” I can only see his eyes “better so what do you want? You asked for me to call anyways, I was going to get out of bed?” watching Junior jump into the pool fully clothed “aye! You!” Mel shouted, I sniggered. He is so funny “get out of there, I said shorts on boy!” I sighed out “what’s up? You seem a little sad and that?” I smiled “do I? I am smiling so I am not sad I guess?” he chuckled “nah, you not happy. What is it?” poking my lips out “just that a friend was being negative, I didn’t like it. I said about you right, and they just judged you as some UK rapper and stuff, I never really just thought of that you know and it’s annoyed me because why care about someone’s worth, I don’t know, she assumes that you would just want me because of who my parents are” I am being truthful with him “haha wow, I am just shit then, I told you I am from the hood you know. Need to watch that but I say don’t let negative things get to you, it’s your life. And you know that” he has a point “I know, I just got annoyed but anyways what are you doing today roadman?” he busted out laughing “roadman, it sounds so weird coming come from your American ass, like don’t say that again” I chuckled, the accent between us both is funny because I am stealing what he says to me and saying it back “how come you told your friend about us? I mean not us but me anyways?” look at him saying us “because she is a friend, friends talk but I guess not with that” he looks so cute, just woke up “she don’t appreciate your friendship, that is sad. I would keep it to yourself though. Like all this thing” he has a point “thank you for calling me, like you literally always do it when I ask” I know he’s smiling under those covers, I can just see his eyes now “you mad annoying though” he’s saying that to make himself feel good “what I said about you, you’re not offended right?” He moved the covers back from his face “erm no, I know me. And the way I have been harassed and grilled about you from your parents, like to me. That ain’t worth it, I could just dip. You know but, it’s whatever. I know me, and trust me. I have had words with big Breezy too” I cringed, he has a point.

I didn’t think I would be going out, out but it will be nice I suppose “you getting the big VIP treatment? Where is your bodyguard” Robyn rarely goes anywhere without them “in London you can hide, it’s a little like New York. It’s busy, people are so self-absorbed with themselves that they don’t care what you and I do so we good without one, I am glad you are coming out. You look so adorable with a beanie” I chuckled “I can’t wait to just gain weight really, that is all I want from this” I gestured for Robyn to go inside first “Rihanna, oh wow. Come here” oh I didn’t know we was seeing the band “oh wow, I got the call from you and I was like since when did Rihanna have my number, I was so shocked” Chris hugged her “I was thinking did I have your number, I was so thinking I may need to get my assistant on it bur I got it, I do” she laughed moving back from the hug “you know Chris, he’s my” she paused “your partner, hi” Chris answered for her, he is so excited shaking my hand “hi” he really does love himself some Rihanna “I am so hyper about seeing you, and I was thinking” Rihanna yelped out walking away “oh come on, it’s a big night for us. Just one song, one thing Rihanna come on!” he chased after her, I think he wants her to perform “I am not dressed for it" she said “and you still look beautiful, please tell her she looks amazing” he looked at me which made me laugh “you look amazing still” she looks so cute pouting about this “how can you do this to me?” he laughed hugging “awww come on” she said “fine” he yelped out “thank you, this is amazing. The show will be amazing” Robyn pointed at the cameraman “doesn’t mean I am a push over, never that ugh. Making me perform” I smiled at them, I can tell they have a great working bond and the respect and love is there.

Stood next to Robyn, they said I could go at front, and I said no, I am not going there alone anyways. Looking over at Robyn, she is waiting to go on stage. I love how in her zone she gets, she becomes a whole different person and it’s nice to see. Robyn turned to me “are you ok?” she shouted over the music “I know they tried to get you to go but don’t worry about it, production teams are asses. You wait right here and I will be back” nodding my head “there is so many people, the stage is huge!” I spat “it’s bigger then what I have been on, I think. This stage is big” it’s crazy to see “kill it out there” I smiled at her “I know you going to be thinking about me” she rolled her eyes “well the lyrics hit too close to home” I hugged her, I mean she’s coming up now “kill it out there” I stepped back, she put the ear monitors in, she seems so happy. I love to see her in this vibe, like this is the vibe I feel in love with, someone from the production team came over to take Robyn. The crowd are going to go crazy; I just know it. Moving my head to the side, she is going to go on now. She is so tiny compared to this stage “my good friend Rihanna!” he shouted down the mic and the roar of screams, it made me smile to see the reception she got. I am smiling hard for her.

Robyn is really enjoyed herself here and she is right, nobody has really cared for us or harassed us sitting here. Their concert is dope actually “to bring in the New Year, I think we should just look at one another, and show love. Everyone stand-up. Here is to another year” Chris said down the mic, I smiled watching Robyn getting up “get up” I shook my head, the song Yellow started to play. I didn’t think Robyn was the biggest fan like this, the way she has been singing her ass off at everything “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do” she sang, I can’t stop smiling at her. Really throughout this whole thing I have been just watching her, in her zone, how happy she is. Everyone is really just stood up, this place has no phones out, people just taking in the moment. I am hiding though, I have a beanie on and my hood on. I don’t want pictures taken of me either “get up” Robyn grabbed my hand, it is going to be the New Year now. Getting up from the seat “thank you!” she spat, I chuckled smiling at her. Robyn turned to me; she pushed my hood back. She lazily placed her arms around my neck “And your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones. Turn into something beautiful. And you know, for you, I'd bleed myself dry” Robyn sang and then tilted her head at me “For you, I'd bleed myself dry” I also sang, she gasped “all this time you have been quiet” she said, I just smiled at her “it’s true, look how they shine for you” Robyn said “Happy New Year!” he shouted and the fireworks went off, looking up smiling and then looking down at Robyn “Happy New year” Robyn said to me “Happy New Year” lowering my head to Robyn and catching her lips with mine, The kiss wasn't an explosion of lust, it was passionate, but slow and thorough, tongues lazily moving against each other, lips firmly pressed together. Moving back from the kiss but Robyn yanked me forward and just hugged me close.

Robyn placed her hand in mine in the car as I yanked off the beanie off my head “I still need to grow my hair out” I said placing the beanie on my lap, looking over at Robyn and then looked at our hands “I am getting used to it but try and not do it again, like you really have a big head” Robyn and I laughed “I erm, I have something to say” I said “Chris, it’s ok. I know” I furrowed my eyebrows “I was at the doctors appointment with you, and he told us the effects, you don’t need to say it out loud and I am not offended, I get it but I want to spend the night in your bed and in your embrace, if we can” I didn’t say anything “I am sorry” I apologised “I wasn’t expecting sex Chris, I genuinely want your wellbeing. Medication like this are harsh, they will lower the dosage, then you will be ok. You will eventually be fine, and I want that, I want to be with you Chris” her voice broke “like yeah. I just don’t care, it’s not about the sex” nodding my head “I just don’t feel that, it lowers my testosterone. But for me to do it I would need to come off it or lower dosage so they can give me the other medication to counter it. You know” Robyn shushed me “stop, I don’t want it. Just be nice to sleep in the bed with you, it’s been a while” nodding my head “I am here to support you Chris, and that is it. I am not going to be selfish about me and my needs like before, I am serious” nodding my head “I love you” Robyn breathed out smiling and cooed out as she shifted her body to me, resting her head on my shoulder “we best friends before anything” she is right, we are.

I wore my tee in the bed, Robyn is still the same person. She takes forever in the bathroom “poppa, Mel has just sent me this” my heart skipped a beat, just to hear her say that, my chest. She called me poppa “right so Mel sent me this, and someone posted this on twitter” Robyn climbed onto the bed “why have you got a tee on?” she questioned “ignore that, what is it?” she bought her phone to me “so someone posted this on twitter and it says, I have just seen the most romantic thing at the Coldplay concert. I have just seen Chris Brown and Rihanna being so in love and singing to each other and no there isn’t video, I have a video, but I won’t post it, just know love is real” Robyn looked at me “that is so sweet, I mean how did she get I was in love from that” Robyn side eyed me “ew, toothpaste, from your brush is dripping” she is so silly “oh yeah, but how cute is that though. But listen to me, I don’t mind your body” she said as she shuffled off of the bed, I feel insecure no matter what she says because I saw her face when she saw me initially.