#this is stupid but the thought occurred to me and its so funny in my head

[evilfrogcereal29]

ANOTHER NIKTO X READER I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THESE SPECIFIC SCENARIOS JUST COME TO MIND DJDHSKS

this is made with a fem!reader in mind, I try to write everything kind of GN, so sorry, but gender is kind of important for this specific piece cause reader's mistaken for a man and doesn't correct anyone to hide their identity

Tw: drinking, swearing, google translated russian, probably a bit ooc Nikto, I make him a lil softer than he probably is.

Nikto x Disguised(?)!fem!reader

- "You're pretty small for a guy"

- you were more than used to that sentence by now, and you never once saught to correct or challenge anyone on it. Who cared? There where more important things than whats in your pants, and it was better that everyone thought you you a man anways.

- You were very private about your identity, you had friends and family back home you didn't want getting wrapped up in this shit. You've seen how petty people can be for just a little bit of revenge.

- you wore a full suit of gear that masked your feminine form, including a helmet with a built in voice changer. (You sounded similar to that of a metro-cop from half-life 2, but with way more clarity)

- You didn't even push the man narrative, everyone just naturally started using he & him for you, unaware of your past or who you really were.

- You were, for the most part, one of the guys. Your file even stated you as male. A serious oversight by the higher-ups.

- So then why was Nikto currently pointing a gun amd looking at a woman in *your* armor?

- *Funny timeskip that i added here because I thought it'd be a bit confusing jumping between these two bullet points*

- You often frequented the showers late at night, it was the only time you could wash yourself uninterrupted by others prying eyes.

- You never realized how often you and Nikto barely evaded seeing eachother. You’d finish, disappear from the showers back to your room, and Nikto would come in, with the same idea of a late shower as you within a few minutes to as soon as 30 seconds after you departed.

- Tonight though, maybe by fate, you both got the idea at the same time, unfortunately for Nikto, you walked just a little faster.

- Nikto almost immediately turned around when he heard the water running, there was no point. Yet there was also frustration, and an overwhelming urge to confront whoever it was. Who the hell was showering at this hour?! He’s never had this problem before, who was deciding to give him problems tonight?

- He cracked the door open, head peeping inside, his eyes widen big at you- whoever you were- in his fellow solider's suit.

- Now it should've occured to someone as intelligent as Nikto that this *was* his fellow solider, but he had known you for a while, and had never suspected anything before, he would've known if you weren't anyone you said you are...right? Had you truely bested Nikto?

- He pulled out his gun right as you seemed to notice him, letting out a yelp. You were a confident 'man' on the battlefield, but now, you were red in the face, caught in a web of lies you didn't even mean to string.

- *Timeskip from earlier ends here :3 there will be more timeskips tho because my ADHD ass LOVES giving context*

- "ублюдок, ты кто? Where is our teammate? What did you do to him?" He growled, cocking his gun and aiming it right at the girl's head.

- Your eyes are wide, as big as half-dollars, and threw your hands up into the air.

- "Nikto its me! Its me!" You plead. Only receiving a sneer and angry grunt

- "You think I'm a stupid man, маленькая девочка?!" He yelled, stepping closer, finger twitching on the trigger, his bloodlust rising.

- The running water is the only thing breaking the terrifying tension in the room, you're mind is racing, how do you get this killer off your back. You needed to prove who you were. Think! Think!

- "Please don't shoot- let me prove it, I can prove it's me Nikto. I-..." You feel your cheeks heating up, god this was fucking embarrassing, and Mr. Emotionless here is the last person you wanted to slip up with. Even if you did prove yourself, he might kill you just because he felt a little angry that you didn't tell him personally. You gulp at that thought.

- Nikto grins under his mask, amused, truely, his gun lowers a bit.

- "Go on." He muses, "tell me something only HE would know." He smirks, thinking about how he's going to lay your body in the shower and watch the blood seep down the drain.

- *Time skip backwards again here, cause I love me some backstory :3*

- Your mind races. You and Nikto weren't 'friends' per se, but you had a past, you had met him right around when he had come out of rehabilitation after his sickening torture. He was worse back then, he would snap on teammates. He snapped on you, pinning you to the wall once, eyes dilated and filled with a primal kind of rage, he pressed down on your neck.

- "Мы сломаем твои кости, как стекло, маленький муравей."

- You had picked up some Russian from being around him and other fluent operators, knowing a decent amount, and in that moment you knew just enough to fear for your life.

- Thankfully Minotaur was in the area, and while he enjoyed watching a good scuffle bewteen two soldiers, he knew very well that this one would end with you dead, breaking up you two with very careful wording and while staying a very far away distance from the still ravenous, blood-thirsty Nikto.

- Surprisingly, you didn't completely avoid him after that, not like you could, the allegiance seemed to love put you two on the same team. Something about the variety of both your skillsets.

- It was true, you had to admit. You and Nikto worked very professionally on the field, quick and easy kills, communicating everything with head & hand gestures instead of talking. It was preferable for the both of you. And always ended with success. So maybe thats why you always ended up near eachother. Still, you always tried to give the Psychotic man the benefit of the doubt. Knowing the story of his past, as told to you by Rodion, you couldn't help but feel a twinge of empathy for the broken man.

- It eventually built up to you having a very personal moment with Nikto.

- You were on a long-term mission, you'd been deployed in Yakutsk, Russia. Yes, one of the coldest fucking places in the entire country. Reaching nearly unalivable conditions- In your opinion- but of course Nikto never complained, he liked the cold after all.

- You had shacked up in an abandoned home on the outskirts of the city for the night. You laid on the one of the dirty mattresses left there by the old tenants, whoever they were.

- You shivered and shook like a rabid animal. Unable to sleep from how cold you were. Even in your full body of armor, it wasn't doing enough. You had those crap emergency blankets but even they, and the addition of the thin poo-stained mattress beneath you, didn't help with the very persistent cold that seemed to seep in through every crack of the home possible.

- You can only assume Nikto is fast asleep, at least, until you hear a soft humming, one that turns into soft singing, its gruff, and deep, but as you continue to listen, you find it rather soothing.

- "Здравствуйте, девочки Здравствуйте, мальчики Смотрите на меня в окно...." He sang, tapping his foot to a beat in his head. It seemed there *were* moments where nikto wasn't being mentally tortured by his own mind. Instead, filled with a melody from childhood.

- You rolled over and saw Nikto sitting criss-cross on the other mattress, his mask was slightly lifted up, but it was too dark to make out anything but the outline of his chin, and there was something in his hand, a bottle of Vodka.

- Now that you found weird, Nikto usually wasn't one to live up to the stereotype, in fact, he barely drank at all. Sure, he did drink lots in his youth, and still did a few lines of coke or toked off the occasional blunt when the offer somehow came up, but he was sworn off alcohol for the most part, especially vodka or anything strong, it gave him extremely awful headaches, he was hangovers bitch.

- You finally sat up after a few minutes, alerting him to your presence, his singing ceased and he pulled his mask back down over his mouth quickly, shooting you a dangerous glare.

- you frowned through your helmet that you kept on, blinking tired, dissapointed eyes at him.

- "Don't stop, I didn't know you could sing like that Nikto... Or that you drank-"

- "Господи, заткнись, сука. ты ничего обо мне не знаешь" he said defensively, you couldn't recognize every word but you recognized every swear, flinching at his vile language, but recognizing the slight slur in his words. A sign of inebriation.

- "Nikto...? You're drunk?" You try to ask, but he follows it up with a quick and defiant 'no' and more swearing. You let him, knowing better than you argue with the bullish man. Let him stop seeing red, than you could keep talking.

- "So.. what about tonight made you finally want to drink, I thought you liked the cold?" You ask, tilting your head.

- "I'm not drinking cause I'm sad." He corrected you coldly, setting the bottle down beside him, "The opposite actually."

- Nikto was...happy drinking? You didn't think normal people did that, but than again Nikto wasn't normal so- you supposed it made sense.

- "Whats the occasion?" You ask after a moment of consideration, and now that you thought about it, it was a bit rude, let the man be happy. occasion or not.

- "Everything is... Quiet tonight. I think we're just happy to be somewhere that feels like home." he says, tapping the side of his head.

- You're happy for him. He deserves moments like these. You find yourself scooting closer, settling down beside him when he doesn't shoo you away.

- "Tell me about your home, Nikto." You ask politely, taking him by surpise, catching him in a moment of vulnerability in his nostalgia and drunk-ness. The usual softness in your real voice, even with the voice changer, was present.

- He goes on to describe his early life to you, albiet, in bit and pieces, it's obvious he's holding back, relinquishing some details while stating others blantly. He also just doesn't remember much. Everything from birth to 5 years old is a blur for him. He just remembers his older brother and mom, and a vague outline of a father figure, but he left before Nikto's 6th birthday, Nikto can't remember his face or the sound of his voice anymore.

- He pointed out the song he was singing earlier, he listened to it often when he was a younger man. It reminded him of his mother and brother, of sitting at the dinnertable eating warm meals as a family whenever they scrounged up enough money to have the luxury of doing so. The laughter and love they shared, even if things around them were lackluster.

- He details early life in the military, his becoming of a spy and his... Eventual Downfall and capture.

- "One job, I got messy... I wasn't looking where I was going I..." He trailed off. He stopped telling his story and you reached a hand out, resting a hand on his shoulder.

- "Its okay. I get it. You don't need to tell me anymore if it hurts." You reassure, seeing the way he tenses under your pitiful touches.

- "I deserved it." He tried to continue, but you interupted him

- "None of that now. Just shut up and think about the now." You scold, noticing the wide eyes stare Nikto gives you.

- No one has ever told him to shut up before. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks underneath his mask, thank god he was wearing one.

- "Sorry." He muttered, and now you both sat there a bit stunned and quiet. The moment you were experiencing together left the both of your heart's racing, wondering a million things about the other.

- You because you had never seen such a soft, apologetic side of Nikto before, a man with no regrets, no empathy. He seemed so... Human?

- And Nikto because he couldn't believed he was being so soft and apologetic with someone. He always had his walls up. His mental fortress guarded with maximum security at all times. But you caught him when the Vodka- 3/4th a bottle of it that he found stashed in a drawer somewhere in the shack- had him weak, and you didn't take advantage of him. Didn't judge or even really cast much pity towards him. He didn't like being pitied. Fucking hated it actually. But here you were, rubbing his shoulder, which wasn't exactly an *unwelcomed* gesture, and sitting in silence with him. The voices were at bay tonight. Right now. It was just him, or whatever was left of Andre.

- "I used to walk 4 miles to school every morning in the freezing cold, and almost got hit by a pickup truck and stolen by a pack of wolves doing it." He suddenly blurted out, the previously warm vibes of the room returning as Nikto casted the past out of his mind. You were right. He was being too emotional, he should focus on the now.

- And right now, the booze brought him back to fonder memories, ones of childhood mischief and near death experiences.

- You looked at him with wide eyes and couldn't help the burst of laughter that followed, something that Nikto didn't find insulting, in fact, he was smiling too, underneath that mask.

- "You think that's funny, just wait til I tell you where I got my first tattoo..." He chuckled with his thick, russian accent.

- You and Nikto shared stories all night. And never once did Nikto question it, like when you told him you took ballet, or when you ripped your prom dress, or even when you told him about your first boyfriend. He shrugged it off. He wasnt exactly as straight as a board either. And the military exposed him to people from all walks of life.

- Of course, Nikto still thought you were a *man* at this point. A very effeminate acting man, but a man none the less.

- *Time skip ends here SORRY IF U HATED THAT SJSHSK*

- But now Nikto's world was flipped on it's head, as you combed through your mind, you find yourself going back to that silly song he sang. Trying to recall the words.

- "Здравствуйте.... дев-вочки.." you started, cringing at your poor pronouncations of the words and shrilly little singing voice.

- Nikto's eyes widen in recognition, all former sneers and snickers long gone. He wasn't joking anymore, and it seemed you weren't either.

- "Здравствуйте, мальчики..." You continued, your cheeks growing impossibly red, "С-Cмотрите на меня в окно.."

- "That's enough. Stop. Stop it." Nikto demanded, aiming his gun right at you again, "how do you know that? That night?"

- "Cause it's me Nikto! I'm a girl!" You exclaimed, getting annoyed yourself. You practically just performed for the bastard, and now he was still trying to shoot you, just like you figured.

- There was a moment of silence. And Nikto stood there, as if needing to process everything that just happened.

- "Put on the helmet." He demands. And you don't defy him, placing your helmet on, the change in your voice is like night and day,

- "I didn't think it mattered this much, I'm sorry." You said genuinely. Your voice deepened to it usual state, confirming your indentity.

- There a few more moments of silence before Nikto coughs, grabbing your attention. He straightens himself. Lowering his gun and putting the safety back on. There's a sense of embarrassment in his movements, he's tense, and avoiding your eye contact.

- "It...it doesn't matter. We'll just shower tomorrow morning." He says and hurries off. Another vulnerable moment with you, what was wrong with him?! He hated himself right now. For having never realized, and for having threatened you.

- Nikto did hold you in high regards, not that he would ever tell you or another soul. He respected your dedication to the work, and after that night in the cabin, a mutual but unspoken trust was formed bewteen the two of you. You never had a moment like it afterwards. Well. Until now.

- You don't dare go after Nikto in that moment, but you want to. It's late, and if you woke everyone else up and made them aware of the situation, only god knows what would happen. So you shower and head off to bed, replaying senarios in your mind, planning what you'd say to Nikto first thing in the morning.

- Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you see it, he beat you to it.

- You were still sleeping when a heavy-handed Knock came to your door, sending you scurrying out of bed for your gear. You reach for your helmet until you hear the voice on the other side.

- "Hey... Its Nikto...let us in, please." He says, his voice gruff and demanding as usual but theres something else there....Pleading? Hoping?

- You freeze, fiddling with your helmet before deciding its not worth it. You quickly move to open the door, making sure noone else is around before ushering Nikto in.

- He takes a moment to look you up and down. You're not wearing any gear now. Just some plaid pajama pants and a white tanktop.

- He sighs, shaking any stray thoughts from his head. "We should talk. About last night." He finally states, and you agree with a simple nod, motioning for him to sit next to you on your bed.

- It feels like last time, except the cards have been flipped, this time, it was your secrets that were being spilled, and Nikto had the questions.

- "Why?" He asked flatly, "why hide your gender?"

- "Why hide your face?" You fire back, rolling your eyes at him like it was obvious, "for privacy, same reason as you, as Krueger. We don't want anyone knowing what we look like, our identities" you said, using another member of the allegiance, Sebastian Krueger, as an example.

- Nikto's eyes dart down in thought, and he nods, "I see."

- Theres more silence, it seems that was a recurring theme between you two, long bouts of silence. Never once did either of you try to force conversation. It came naturally.

- Nikto really appreciated that about you in this moment. It allowed him to get his thoughts straight, arguing with the voices for a bit before he opens his mouth again.

- "No one has to know." He says, like its that simple, and stands up. He starts for the door and you move to follow, a hand on his bicep.

- "Nikto wait- that's it?" You ask, confused, but what did you really expect? Nikto wasn't the type to gossip. If information needed to be gathered and brought back his superiors, he would. But that wasn't what he was asked to do.

- "да, that's it." He said standing the in the doorway with finality.

- He shut the door behind him with a click and you stood there dumbfounded. Did any of that really just happen, or was all of this one big dream you were about to wake from?

- You pinched yourself with a winced and cursed under your breathe. This was reality. Could you really trust Nikto with this secret? Without blackmail? Without shame?

- Apparently, yes. As you would come to find out. In fact, you soon realize that this whole incident only made you and Nikto somehow closer.

- In battles, during tight situations, he was always there. Freeing you from the enemies grasp, carrying you with a bullet wound in your back. He was your personal guard.

- He wasn't being more protective just cause he knew you're a girl, he knew you were deadly. He's seen what you're capable off. No. You come to learn Nikto does this as a display of affection. Subtlety showing his appreciation for keeping his secrets, and in return, he keeps your's, and keeps you alive as well.

- After one particularly long mission, you're walking alongside each other, covered in dirt and grime, heading to the showers as the sun set and everyone heads for bed.

- You two showered together now, of course, broken up by thin curtains. It was a bit intimate, but it was an easier agreement than an already insomnia ridden-Nikto getting up at ungodly hours of the morning to shower.

- As you're walking together you nudge him gently, "good work today. You still fight well for a guy your age." You tease. Nikto knew full well you were hiding a shit eating grin under than helmet of yours, grimacing at you.

- "Yeah, good work to you too... For a girl." He says back venomously, earning him a playful punch.

- "Bastard! Don't be so loud about that!" You scold while whisper-yelling, but Nikto can still hear the smile in your voice. And knows its in jest.

- "It would be a shame if the others knew what a pretty little woman you really were."

- "It would be a shame if the others knew about the smiley face tattoed on your buttcheek."

- Both of your faces are red and concealing mischievous grins. This was you and Nikto's relationship now. Learnings eachothers secrets, and using them to pick on eachother. Playful banter.

- Everyone around base notices what you two are doing...just FUCK already you two... Damn. The tension is killing everyone.

- You and Nikto will probably end up together after a while more of this, its inevitable. You're just unjudgemental enough to deal with his freak, while also being one of the only solider's on base willing to put up with his terrifying, intimidating aura for long periods of time!

- Nikto always kind of liked you, as a man, and even now as a woman. And sharing your secrets only solidified that attraction in his mind. You were his милый, and he would keep you and your secrets safe for as long as he lived.

AHHHH HOLY FUCKING SHIT SORRY IF THE END FEELS RUSHED I TRIED TO CONCLUDE THIS LONG ASS STORY, I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MUCH YAP I HAD IN ME😳

The song Nikto was humming is Кино - Алюминиевые огурцы, and was inspired by a comment on my post about Russian and Austrian musc left by @weepingmagazinesandwich and once I heard that song I knew I had to use it in a writing piece its just so sweet. The two playlists were made btw I just never publicly posted them (also cause Nikto's list is chronically short, and Krueger's playlist is already almost hours long) so- idk if y'all want those posted but lmk👍 I hope you enjoyed this- whatever you'd call it. Idk what to call the reader in this. Disguised!reader sounds so silly.

I have a sfw agere krueger drabble comin out soon, and I just started writing big chunks of the hubby!gromsko x reader hcs.

[beatcroc]

what kind of frivolity would you engage in, mecha?

<

---

[houndfaker]

i dont think ive flat out drawn kikumitsu before but the beast awoke tonight i guess

[bloominglegumes]

ok im not very into making human/holo designs myself but i think what absolutely needs to go into the outfits for blaster or soundwave are like.one of these kangaroo pockets

[fuctacles]

Henderson's-brother-centered misadventures continue [Part IV]

[Part I] [Part II] [Part III]

Eddie screamed. Then, he screamed some more. Then, he got hit with a teddy bear, which bounced off into the floor, barely disturbing his mane of hair.

“You get a drop of spit on my pillow, and you’re washing all my sheets!”

He groaned, like a wounded animal. If animals could be wounded by their best friend’s disloyalty.

“No, dude! You can scream into your own fucking pillow! We can jam if you need, smoke or steal a beer, hell, I can even listen to you. But don’t just come here to stink my room with-” Gareth made a flapping motion in Eddie’s general direction. “Whatever this is.”

Eddie groaned louder before finally rolling onto his back.

“I fucking hate him.”

“I was hoping you’d choose jamming,” Gareth sighed. He threw his leg over his chair and leaned on the back of it. “You mean Big Bro Henderson?”

“Who else?” Eddie threw his hands up into the ceiling. His friend barely restrained himself from rolling his eyes. “He’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met!”

“Good thing you can’t meet yourself, then.”

Eddie glared at him, but from this angle, it gave him a double chin which severely decreased the look’s efficiency.

“You calling me annoying?”

“Yes.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘lively’. Or ‘charismatic’! Or, or, ‘non-conforming’!”

“No, I’m pretty sure ‘annoying’ is the word. Also, ‘dramatic’.”

Eddie glared again, but since his position has not changed so hasn’t its lack of impact.

“How dare you,” he seethed. Gareth completely ignored it.

“So, what did he do this time? Give you more cookies?”

“No!” He had regretted the decision to tell him about it as soon as it left his mouth, but it was out there now. Well, the price of the blackmail material was listening to it first. “He just…” Eddie trailed off, realizing what he was about to say. ‘He let me sit in his lap for the whole length of Karate Kid’ was so much harder to explain than ‘he gave me an extra cookie for my good work.’ He scrambled to find a better approach. 

“So he’s like a therapy dog,” he started, because painting the scene is important.

“What.”

Wrong approach.

“Okay, so I’ve found out he has some issues, something to do with the Starcourt fire, I think? You know nothing of it, by the way, I probably shouldn't know about it. Henderson, well, the little one, just has a big mouth.”

“And so do you. By telling me,” his friend pointed out.

“Emerson, this isn’t about you,” Eddie scolded him. “So he needs extra physical contact or something. And he might have um…” Wrong turn again. “Engaged me in it?”

“Ok, hold on,” Gareth dropped his forehead on the edge of the chair’s back and rubbed his temples. “What do you mean by that? Because I know it’s not as weird as you make it sound.”

Eddie crossed his arms, which looked extra stupid in his horizontal position. He tapped his socked foot against the mattress.

“We were watching Karate Kid, and the couch wasn’t big enough for four people. Nobody else wanted to sit in his lap and I thought it would be, you know, funny, to offer. And he just said ‘okay’, and did it!” His arms flew up into the air again.

Gareth lifted his head.

“So you sat in his lap.”

“He put me in his lap.”

“Dude, you throw your legs all over me when we watch a movie!”

“Yeah, but that’s different!”

“How?”

“Because we’re friends! We play together and shit!”

Gareth scrunched his nose because while he knew of the wisdom his friend possessed (very selective and rarely occurring in the daylight), admitting him right was painful because the cockiness he possessed was probably far greater.

“Well, maybe he’s giving you signs he wants to be friends?”

Eddie snorted.

"No way. Not possible. No."

"And why is that?" Gareth raised an eyebrow at the adamant negation.

"I'm his younger brother's friend-"

"Who's his age."

"-And we like different things. I'm a freak, I like metal and D&D!"

"So does Dustin, and they get along well."

"They are brothers!" 

"Well, I actually hate my sister, it’s not a rule."

Eddie groaned.

"I don't know," he ended up saying, just to voice his internal frustration. At least he was facing the ceiling now and not Gareth's pillow.

He hummed, considering his friend, trying to understand his problem, to even locate it.

"Okay, so you don't like that he's nice?"

"Yes."

"... You want him to be mean?"

"... Yes? Maybe?"

Gareth hit his head against the chair. 

"This whole conversation is lost on me."

When he looked up he met Eddie's eyes, a storm brewing behind them.

"I don't want to like him. But he makes it hard not to because he's so nice."

‘He treats me like I'm normal, like his equal’, went unspoken but Gareth could hear it anyway. It was time to end the questions for the day because getting any deeper into his friend's psyche could trap him like quicksand. 

"And then I go to apologize and end up talking about BDSM of all things!"

"Nope!" Gareth straightened up and hopped out of his chair. "We're going to the garage, so I can't hear you over the drums."

"What a best friend you are," Eddie grumbled but rolled off the bed regardless. He was secretly glad for an excuse to stop talking about Henderson because he started getting lost in his thoughts and feelings himself.

The next time he sees Steve, he doesn’t make it any easier. They see each other only in passing, and the older brother doesn’t give him more than a weak smile and a "Hi, Eddie. Dustin's upstairs," before leaving.

Eddie walks up to his friend's room thoroughly confused. 

"What was that about?" he asks instead of a greeting. He never greets his friends properly these days, but there are more important things like ‘hi’s and ‘hello’s.

"What was what about?"

"Steve," Eddie frowns like it explains everything. And apparently, it does.

"I think he's still upset after last time."

Eddie blinks.

"I said I was sorry!"

Dustin rolls his eyes.

"Sorry doesn't solve everything. It's like a," he snaps his fingers looking for a good comparison. "Like one of the spell components. It's not gonna work without all of them."

Guess he is casting Charm Person after all.

"Okay, but like. What are the other components?"

Dustin just shrugs.

"Hell if I know."

Eddie was burdened with the most unhelpful friends. 

"What do you do when you upset him?"

Dustin's first instinct is to protest, probably point out what a great little brother he is, but one stern look from Eddie makes him shut his mouth and reconsider his words.

"Well, if I made him upset, I'd help him with dinner, make him coffee or tea, pick a movie I know he'd like. Help out with chores, mostly. He does too much by himself." The frown on his face is deep like the mystery of Steve's adoption and Eddie mirrors it.

"This sounds all great when you're brothers, but I'm not a Henderson, how am I supposed to pull that off?

"You helped with dinner once, you could do it again," 

Eddie sighs, long and suffering.

"I guess…"

"Great! Steve has left to get groceries and is making dinner later, I'm sure he'll appreciate the help!" He grins, knowing full well he just backed his friend into a corner.

Eddie sputters when he realizes that. 

“What? Today?”

“No better time than the present.” Dustin shrugs smugly, like it was a universal law they can’t help but follow.

Eddie bristles, because, yeah, true, but…

“I'm not mentally prepared," he complains. 

"For what?" Dustin raises his brows in this annoying way of his. "Cooking?"

"You ate my mac and cheese, you understand the severity of the situation!" he yells, accusingly pointing a finger at him.

"Ate is a big word, I spat it out. And calling it mac and cheese is also a big word."

"Exactly!" Usually Eddie didn't like his abilities slandered like that but on the rare occasion when it served his purpose… 

"Steve's first casserole was also inedible," Dustin shrugs and Eddie tries to picture Mr. Perfect Housewife fucking up a dish. "You have about an hour to mentally prepare before he's back though. You can spend it finishing your readings."

Ah, right. The mundane purpose of his visit was schoolwork.

Eddie groans. He can only hope the tragic stories of holocaust victims will set him in the right mind for cooking with Steve.

They don’t. He's heavily unprepared for the confrontation when they're running down the stairs to help with the bags. 

When Steve's instructing them which things he needs and which can be put away, Dustin elbows his friend in the ribs, hard. He hisses in pain, attracting Steve's attention.

"You staying for dinner?" he asks before Eddie can say anything. 

"Uh, if I can help with it, then yeah," he says, feeling Dustin’s annoying beady eyes on himself.

Steve frowns at him.

"You don't have to do that, I’ve told you before."

"Yeah, but I'm done with my work for today," Eddie adds under the menacing gaze. "And my cooking skills need some guidance. Wayne is too old to stomach my food, he can't risk another food poisoning,” he babbles, earning himself a snort from Steve. 

“Okay, if it's that bad,” he agrees finally,  the smile Eddie has gotten used to once again on his face. "But you'll be under strict supervision."

"Of course!"

"Okay, you already got yourself a kitchen slave, so I can go finish my work," Dustin speaks up before promptly disappearing, only the sound of his rushed retreating steps left.

"Guess we're alone then," Steve comments, giving Eddie an odd look. He thought he was used to those but Steve's were always hard to decipher. Not the exact kind he usually got.

He clears his throat to dislodge the weird feeling clogging it up.

"So, what are we cooking today?"

Steve hums, looking at the ingredients before him.

"You ever cooked soup?"

"Uh, I assume you don't mean the instant kind?"

Steve makes a disgusted face, fake gags for a good measure too.

"Soup it is then. It's getting colder, and I'm sure Wayne would appreciate it," he says, eyeing Eddie questioningly, and this one he deciphers easily.

"My uncle,” he explains. "I live with him."

To his surprise, Steve smiles warmly.

"Wanna make some extra you can heat up for him?"

"That's-" Eddie's taken aback, which doesn't happen to him often. "That would be very nice, thank you."

"It’s nothing. He should know his nephew is spending his time productively."

"I'm always productive," he mutters back a complete lie. But he's been trying, okay?

"I know," Steve says, surprising him again. "Maybe I want to get on your uncle's good side too."

Eddie doesn't ask why. Doesn't want to know. Doesn't speculate. Just leaves it be, bugging him for the time being.

"I was thinking fritters too? Since they're easy to heat up later."

Eddie nods, watching him sort through the vegetables.

"Whatever you say, chef."

Steve instructs him through the soup preparations first, explaining it needs more time to cook. 

“I hope you don’t mind veggie broth. El didn’t like chicken and we kinda got used to it. Also, it’s cheaper,” he says, watching Eddie pour water over the vegetables arranged in the pot. 

He puts the pot on the burner and looks up.

"Who's El?"

"Dustin's friend. She moved to California though," Steve answers with a frown.

"That's a bit of a drive."

"Yeah," Steve scrunches his nose, then looks back into the pot, before reaching for a box of seasoning.

"Ok, now for the fun part."

Eddie has no idea how seasoning a pot of vegetable water can be fun, but he's not about to argue. He follows instructions and marvels at the amount of weird plants that could be added to food. 

"I feel like a witch," he whispers, tossing dried herbs into his cauldron.

Steve chuckles.

"You kinda look like one."

Eddie side-eyes him from his position over the pot.

"I hope that's a compliment."

"Oh, it is," Steve says in a weird voice and Eddie is too afraid to look at him. He flips through the seasoning packets instead, reading unfamiliar names.

"Okay, so this needs a couple of hours to cook, you'll know when it starts getting together from the smell. Then we'll blanche the onions and garlic, add the tomatoes, blend it all, and it's done. Now we can work on the fritters. Have you done them before?"

Eddie thinks about it for a moment.

"I saw my uncle make them."

"Potato ones?"

"Uh, yeah? Are there more options?" he asks, eyebrows drawn together.

"Apparently, yeah,” Steve rolls his eyes. “A fritter is technically anything you can grate, slap together and fry in a pancake-ish shape."

"Huh. I've learned so much today already."

Steve laughs. 

"So, what do you want in the fritters?" he asks and Eddie is ridiculously giddy about having a choice.

"Can we put meat in them?"

"Yeah, I've made them with bacon before."

Eddie's eyes sparkle.

"Potatoes with bacon and cheese?"

"Holy shit,” Steve groans. “Claudia's gonna kill us, but it sounds so good." He ponders on it for a moment. "We could add corn to pretend there are vegetables in them."

"Ketchup is a vegetable," Eddie points out and Steve bristles. 

"We're not eating them with ketchup!" he protests. "But… we could use some of the tomatoes to make a sauce."

Eddie never thought cooking could be this fun.

"Yesss!"

"You're way more excited than I thought you'd be," Steve observes, grabbing the potatoes to wash.

"I'm a growing boy, of course I'm excited about food. Besides, we're like two alchemists; mixing up stuff to make other stuff."

Steve laughs again.

"Are those the guys who tried turning metals into gold?"

"Precisely!"

He's tasked with peeling the potatoes while Steve puts bacon in the oven. He’s  never good at it, and he huffs angrily when Steve joins him and gets through three potatoes while he peels one. What's worse, he can see him watching and his fingers twitching.

"Okay, I can see you itching to correct me. Just do it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah man, unless you have some disease I could catch, I'll be fine."

Steve winces and Eddie has a lightning-fast memory of a rumour that gays spread a deadly disease. But Steve isn't gay, probably, and it's just a rumour.

Steve is still haste when he rearranges his fingers on the peeler and takes his hand away like touching him burns.

Eddie frowns. Well, that's not gonna cut it.

"Like this?" he asks, making a motion he knows is wrong.

"No, like-" Steve reaches out and hesitates. 

"I don't have cooties, come on."

Steve presses his lips together and wraps his hand around his. He has to move closer too, crowding Eddie's side. 

"Like this," he says, whispers really, pushing his hand in the right motion.

This suddenly feels more obscene than it is, but Eddie’s half tempted to push it further.

"Your hands are weirdly soft. Do you steal Robin's hand cream?" he asks instead.

Steve huffs at the backhanded compliment and retraces his soft, big hands.

"No, I have my own."

"Hmm." Eddie cocks his head, looking him up and down. "Should have guessed."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Steve asks with a frown, but he can tell the anger is played up. 

"Nothing," Eddie shrugs. "You just look like someone taking care of himself." 

Steve keeps looking at him like he is not sure if he should be offended or not so Eddie helps him out by rolling his eyes. 

“Don't worry, I judge you more for your music than your hygiene.”

“Of course,” Steve huffs. “You wouldn't know much about hygiene anyway, would you?” he teases with a smirk.

Eddie gasps.

“Are you implying trailer trash don't clean themselves?” he asks, eyes wide and offended. 

“What? No!” The smile vanishes instantly from his face. “Of course not!” Steve scrambles to defend himself. But then, he cocks his hip and crosses his arms.

“You know what? No. I stand by it. Your hair needs proper care, not whatever 3 in 1 you treat it with,” he says. 

“5 in 1,” Eddie corrects him smugly. 

“Five?”

“Hair, body, face, beard and ass,” he lists on his fingers, earning himself a look of disgust from Steve. 

“For that alone, you’re washing your hands again.”

Eddie knows he doesn't have to, but complies anyway. Whatever makes the big Henderson happy. And consecutively, the little Henderson. And somehow, Eddie himself.

By the time the sun starts setting, he’s gained some valuable culinary knowledge, including the fact that as a cook, he gets to taste the dishes all the time. His growing boy tummy is satiated with a stolen strip of bacon and one of the test fritters he’s munching on, when they hear the door unlock.

“I’m home!” a woman’s voice calls out. Eddie freezes.

“We’re just finishing dinner!” Steve calls back while the man next to him shrinks on himself, looking up at him and wondering why he isn’t being pushed into a closet like a secret paramour. 

“Your mom is here?!” he seethes through his teeth, eyes jumping from Steve to the door. 

“Well, yeah?” Steve raises an eyebrow. “She lives here?” 

“But why am I here?!”

Was Steve this stupid or did he not grasp the severity of the situation?

“You’re cooking? Staying for dinner? Studying? The fuck do you mean man?” he answers, more or less matching his volume.

“Mothers hate me!” Eddie reminds him helpfully, making Steve only roll his eyes with a huff.

“Claudia likes you.”

“She never saw me,” he reminds him. Because as soon as any of the suburban moms caught a whiff of his metal vest, his dark clothes and long hair, he felt disgusted eyes on his back. 

And when the Satanist drug dealer rumours reach them? Things only get worse. 

“Dude-”

“Oh, hi boys!” A tired-looking blond woman enters the kitchen. Her smile doesn’t waver despite Eddie’s presence, meaning she must have seen some shit in her life. “You didn’t tell me we’ll have a guest today.”

Steve steps in before he can put his foot in his mouth, laying his big warm hand on his shoulder. 

“Eddie finished his work early and wanted to help in the kitchen. Hope that’s alright.”

At the mere thought it wouldn’t be, Eddie’s stomach twisted. 

“Of course! The more, the merrier!” Claudia smiled, still seemingly genuine, before stepping closer and extending her hand.

“Nice to finally meet you, Eddie. I’ve heard a lot about you from my boys.”

Steve’s hand is still on him squeezing minutely to remind him to shake Claudia’s hand.

“Likewise.” He smiles to his best ability, unable to remember the last time he was friendly with someone's parents. Except Gareth's, maybe.

“What did boys make?” she asks, sniffing the air and trying to peek over his shoulder.

“Tomato soup, like you asked, and some fritters.”

“With veggies, I hope?” She squints at her oldest (newest?) son.

“There’s corn in them, and we made a tomato sauce.” He smiled brightly and Eddie could tell he was happy to play the good kid role. 

“Good. I’m gonna change and get back to you,” she says before disappearing upstairs, probably to harass the younger Henderson now. 

“Why was she so nice?” Eddie muses, half to Steve, half to himself, half to the universe in general. Wait, that's three halves. Well, he didn’t fail school because of his great math skills.

“She's always nice.” Steve steps away to work on the next batch of fritters.

“Not to me! Mothers hate me! I bet she’s just pretending but as soon as I disappear, you're gonna hear all about it!”

“Hey!” Steve turns back towards him, frowning. And uh-oh, he upset him again. On his reverse-upset mission. “Claudia’s not some uptight bitch like that. She likes all our friends and you're not an exception. Just because you dress differently isn’t gonna ban you from the house or get us in trouble.” He knocks him on the head for good measure. “You’re safe here.”

“Okay,” Eddie simply says, taken aback. Being welcomed somewhere was a feeling he still had to process.

“We're safe here,” was a soft addition he almost missed over his own loud thoughts but made him even more curious about Steve himself. 

User tags: @i-have-three-feelings @mblogs @awkwardgravity1 @imacowboy3 @just-a-tiny-void @clumsiluni @shotgunhallelujah @halfadoginatank @carlprocastinator1000 @irregular-child

[konigsluvr]

SWEET 『cigarettes after sex』

MASTERLIST

popular girl x quiet nerd simon

warnings: kissing, horny and simp simon, cuming untouched. And sweetness ♡

cute little series I'm starting. I hope you like this as much as I do. Enjoy and leave any comments on where I can improve, but please be nice, I'm sensitive 💋 this isn't proofread as its currently just past midnight and I'm sleepy and don't want to overthink about posting this. xxx

『★』

Simon thought you didn't notice him staring at you all year. You're popular and he's... a nerd. The amount of picking on you would endure if you did anything with him... you didn't want to think about it.

Yet you couldn't help but smile at your Math teacher as he assigned Simon - the top of the class - to help you with your studies.

Here's the catch, you act dumb and stupid to fit in with your friend group when in reality, whenever there's a test, you never fail to achieve the A+.

"You won't be disappointed," you respond, heading out of class to see it empty.

None of your friends waited for you after class but you brush that aside, looking around for Simon. A minute later, you find him by his locker, taking all of his books and transferring them into his bag.

The bell rings, signaling the end of the school day. "Hi Simon," your sweet voice rang out.

He jumps, dropping his bag, his books scattering on a pile at your feet. He stumbles over his words, eyes wondering over your gorgeous face. His mind was reeling at the fact you knew his name?!

"I... uhh..." he clears his throat, gathering himself. His crush, his godamn crush since forever, is talking to him. Him. "Everything okay?" His voice steadies out, playing it cool.

Your lips quirk, not realising his voice was so deep. You have to look up, yourself standing at 5'5 and him standing at 6'2. You're both 17, so there's still growing to occur.

"Yes, everything's good," you speak, unable to stop your gaze to trailing to his arms. Its so obvious he works hard at the gym. "Mr Barnes assigned you as my study partner."

His eyes widen slightly, taken aback. "Me and... you. Study partners?" He speaks slowly.

He sees your eyebrows furrow. Fuck sake, idiot, he curses in his mind, being an asshole isn't the way to go.

"Um, yeah, for Maths. My grades have dropped so..." You trail off. Does he not like you? You were so sure. He's always glancing at you.

His pause makes you reinforce the idea he's never liked you. "I'll get a new partner," you speak, beginning to step away.

He grabs your wrist, and your eyes snap to his. God, your eyes and politeness... is he still grabbing you? He is! Fuck! Think, think, think!

"Tomorrow after school?" He questions, way too nervous. He bets you can feel his hand shaking. "Your place?" Too bold, Simon.

But you smile, warm, lovely. "Sure, meet here after the last period?" Your unable to tear your gaze from his stunning chocolate eyes, so attentive and aware.

He finally let's go of your hand, relief filling him. He nods, feeling much too shy to speak.

You return the smile and walk by him. As you walk to the main doors, you turn and wave goodbye, and he is already looking at you. You see his lips form a small grin and wave back subtly.

『★』

"Today was so boring," you huff out to Simom as he sits in the passenger. He sits too still, scared to make the wrong move in case you would call off this whole thing.

You find it funny he didn't respond. So you ask a question as you turn out of the car park and drive to your house, which is fifteen minutes away. "How was your day?"

He takes a few moments to reply, "good," his deep voice speaks. You wait for him to elaborate but he doesn't. The truth his, his day has been terrible but his mood is ecstatic (on the inside) about being with you.

Fifteen whole minutes, he had to sit there and pretend he didn't care. Staying silent like a complete douchbag. The smell of your perfume, your pretty outfit - a black jumper, faded blue jeans, Converse, pretty earrings, hair, and makeup. Just you simply being next to him made him hard, his mind running wild.

No, no, no, no. He needs to respect you. He's 17, not a little boy. He is a virgin after all, you definitely were not. The amount of stupid boys that took your attention will never deserve you in all the lifetimes. He's stronger, more respectful, just so, so much better for you. He noticed your smile was strained and he wanted to punch every asshole that made you like that. He covers his crotch with his hands, hoping you don't notice his hand placement.

He's so wrapped up in his own thoughts that you opening your car door and exiting snaps him out of it. He ushers out, slinging his bag over his shoulder as he takes in your families property. A simple, modern but classy home. Adorable. His gaze quickly returns to you, pausing as he sees your looking at him already.

"You work out?" You question, noticing he's wearing a black sleeved long sleeved gym shirt. He wore it just for you. It shows off his muscles perfectly.

"Six days a week," he speaks, trying to show off a little. Douche, again. But you smile and he smiles back.

"I do pilates sometimes," you reply, walking up to your front door. Pilates, Simon thinks of you doing the workout, so feminine and simple.

You both enter and you close the door behind you both. "Would you like a drink?" You ask innocently, looking up at him. You knew you were standing too close.

He swallows thickly, his gaze glancing down to your lips for a sweet second. He got even harder. For fuck sake, Simon. Answer the damned question! "Water would be nice, thanks."

You nod. "My room is upstairs, down the hall to the right," you speak, turning and walking to the kitchen.

He stands there silent for a few moments, watching your body sway. He shakes his head. Stop it now, he thinks. He walks up the stairs as he takes in everything about his small journey. At the end of the hallway, there's a picture of younger you.

He always knew you were an only child, makes sense how much you're put together with your parents attention focused on one child. He can't help but smile, seeing how cute you are. You must've been around 5 or 6 he's guessing, your eyes still the same sweetness.

He enters your room and sits on the edge of your bed, looking around once again. Clean, tidy, and... pink. Lots of light pink and white everywhere. Now he knows what your favourite colours are. Bingo.

He hears your soft footsteps coming up. He takes a quick breath, needing to calm his nerves desperately. Just your presence has him all giddy. You enter the room and close the door behind you.

"Here you are," you talk softly, handing him his water. You sit further up on your bed so you're in the middle of it. He thinks for a moment, copying you timidly. You face him. "I hope you like popcorn."

He nods, looking down, noticing you have a bowl of popcorn. Now he knows your favourite snack. Bingo, again!

You relax for a little while, scrolling on your phone as you chew on some popcorn while Simon takes sips of his drink here and there.

You come off your phone and hear your mother coming into your room. You have no time to prepare yourself or to even warn Simon, but he's already looking at her.

"Hi sweet girl!" Your mother exclaims happily, entering the room, hands on her hips. "How was school-" she cuts herself off, finally noticing Simon. She grins. "And who is this handsome boy?"

"Mom!" You scold, stepping off your bed, ready to usher her out, but she pulls you into a hug, kissing your cheek. You turn back at Simon, and he's gazing with a gentle expression, happy to see you and your mother's bond. "His name is Simon," you respond, pulling out of the hug.

Simon feels a slight blush form on his cheeks, shy once more. Your mom stops gazing at him too fondly for your liking and whispers in your ear, "he's a sweet one, I can tell."

You smile at her and glance back at Simon. "He's helping me with Math," you reveal.

Your mother's face brightens. "That's amazing, honey! Anyways, I'll leave you two to it, don't forget to lock the door-"

"Mom," you scold firmly this time. You love her dearly and you know she can tell that you like Simon.

She winks at you and leaves. You close the door and lock it. Simons muscles tense. You locked it? He doesn't want to think any further but he can see a blush on your face too.

『★』

Two hours. Two whole hours, Simon has spent one on one, simply inches away from each other. He easily covers his straining cock by having the popcorn bowl in front of it. He holds back jolts when you reach your hand for a snack.

You spent half the time looking at him and the other half wondering how his voice is so matured and dreamy. You did all the questions from your homework book and you played dumb on a few so he could lean in and explain it.

Simon grew comfortable in your presence. You are warm, soft and gentle. Everything he loves is you.

The thing he didn't expect at all was when you kissed him. You fucking kissed him. You and him! Kissing! He was explaining the most boring equation of all, leaning in more close, taking the pencil from your hand, your hands brushing together. He talks and continues talking when you catch gazes, noses nearly touching.

He wasn't sure whether Math turned you on? Or having someone tell you what to do? He was completely at loss, but once your lips touched his, the gates of heaven opened. You tasted of strawberries, sweet and addictive.

It was such a brief kiss, lasting a few seconds at most. His jaw goes slack afterwards. It was just a kiss, you don't want anything else. Maybe your thanking him for helping you? Both your hands stayed down at your lap, same with his. He's afraid if he touched you, he would never let go.

Should he confess? You've been staring dumbly at each other for about 30 seconds now.

"You're getting the hang of everything," he whispered smoothly. You sigh, feeling yourself growing wet. He was so good-looking and kind, too kind. He was huge, height and muscle wise, but his hands were so gentle.

In the moment, you place the popcorn on your beside table and climb on his lap. His eyes blow wide open as you take his face and lock your lips together once more. He moans into the kiss, making you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer.

He opens his legs, hands hesitantly holding onto your waist. Should he push you away or hold you closer? You deserved so much better than him. He's never kissed anyone before, and he's probably doing horrible. But he picks option two, he pulls you closer, fingertips pawing at your waist. He was right, warm, and soft.

You tilt your head, deepening the kiss, poking your tongue into his mouth, and he let's you, opening his lips, getting drunk off your taste. You sigh into the kiss. He's really good. You wonder how many girls he's been with, jealousy plaguing your mind.

You grind down on him, hips moving back and forth, needy to calm down your pulsing clit. He was rock solid. You swallow up his strangled moan, hips bucking up into yours like a pathetic mess.

Your hands move behind you, taking his hands and placing them on your asscheeks. He squeezes, becoming lost in everything you're doing. He wants to be in your mind, what are you thinking right now?

He pulls away and you look at him confused. His expression was pure pleasure. "Shit, no- fuck-" he groans, pressing his forehead against your shoulder.

"What's wrong?" You speak softly, stroking his hair. Due to you leaning more down, your clothed pussy was right against him. He felt his stomach tighten, pleasure rippling through his body. Don't cum, don't you fucking dare, Simon. If you speak once more with that honey voice of yours he's done for.

"Simon?" You whisper, hearing his breathing come out in quick pants. He whines into your shoulder, and you stare at your wall, completely confused. He wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you down onto him as he jerks his hips up a few times, riding out his pleasure.

"Are you..." you pause, thinking about the situation. You saw he was hard, it was obvious with the grey sweatpants he was wearing. But did he seriously just cum under a minute of kissing?

You wait until his breathing goes normal, his body relaxing. You try to get up off him, but he holds onto you tightly.

"I'm sorry," he speaks, the most embarrassed he's ever been. He's made you uncomfortable. He knows it. A disgusting pervert, that's what he is. He pulls his head from your neck, missing the smell of you. He looks up at you half-lidded.

Your hands stroke his cheeks. You grin. "Did you cum?" You speak gently.

He swallows, wanting to look away, blushing furiously. "...yes."

"Don't think you weren't so sneaky with the popcorn bowl," you respond, laughing as you watch his reaction to you catching him out.

He groans, resting his head against yours. He's dreading at the thought of letting you go. The prettiest, sweetest girl ever. So soft and warm, he thinks, sighing.

You laugh, making his head snap up at the sound. "Thank you."

He wants to throw himself off a cliff. He said that out loud. For the love of-

"I take care if my skin," you respond, cupping his face, "all over."

He feels himself grow hard again and that's when he can't be close to you anymore. Crossing boundaries is something he doesn't do, especially around you.

You yelp as he lifts you off him, not a muscle straining, carrying you like your as light as a feather. He places you on the bed and he stands up, covering the dark patch on the crotch of his sweatpants.

You giggle, covering your mouth. "I can give you a t-shirt of mine to cover up."

He nods. "Thanks."

You get up, grabbing a random t-shirt and handing it to him. You gaze up at him, tilting your head. He didn't understand how you were looking at him so happily, he was an asshole to you and was disrespectful-

"Would you like a ride?" You question.

He allows his eyes to admire you for a while before responding. "It's okay, my house is just five minutes away."

"It is?" You question, your smile widening.

He swallows. Damn you, you're teasing him. "See you tomorrow," he grumbles, walking to your door.

"Wait!" You exclaim, grabbing his book bag and handing it to him. You lean up, holding the back of his neck, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek.

His right hand itches forward to hold you, but he stops himself. No, you've already taken enough from her. What have you given her? The fucking creeps.

He simply nods, keeping his feelings to himself and walks down the hall. It takes every cell in his body to not look back at your face. He can feel your gaze trailing on him.

"Thanks for letting me stay," he thanks your mother, giving her a nod. But she squeals, hugging him close.

"My little love likes you, I can tell," she speaks hushed, not wanting you to hear. Don't give him hope, don't. His mind still races, even your mom can see it, your gaze with more shine as you look at Simon.

He nods again, brain running a million miles an hour to even form a sentence. He walks away from the kitchen and leaves through the door. He closes it behind him and walks down the drive.

He waits until he's completely off the property before grinning and laughing, all while holding your t-shirt to his crotch. The street is quiet, not a soul around. He walks away, an extra leap in his step, happiness fulfilling him.

All in one day, you met up with him, you drove him to your house, you studied in your room, you kissed and he... he cringed hard, not wanting to think about it. You had him wrapped around your finger. He keeps smiling, though. Next Thursday, he'll be with you again.

『★』

EEEEK SO CUTE!!

Guys, Simon is NOT a perv!! I just wanted to include his conflicted thoughts because he loves her so much and doesn't want to make her uncomfortable 🤧. I'm not sure how many parts I'm hoping on doing, mayyyyybe 4... or 5... 😙. For you smut girlies, yes, there WILL be smut in upcoming parts and I hope my writing will be up to your expectations. Have a lovely day💗

Also!! Please note I am not trying to sexualise the characters at all, they will be turning 18 soon and it isn't a shock to anyone that they are doing these kinds of this at 17🤭

[don1t1red]

Honestly, one thing about DotO which always bothered me is how Billie seems to be so lonely in her journey. And not in a way of "she is a lone-wolf" but in a literal sense of loneliness and not-belonging. It almost feels like it is her first day in Karnaca, a city where she doesn't know a single thing or person. Which isn't true. I know that a lot of people have already talked about this, and so I won't jump into the depth of criticism. Treat this post as a bunch of thoughts which occurred to me in my first playthrough.

Firstly, there is no recognition from different people. Stilton, for example. In DH2 she was ready to battle her way to his house and help him, she payed with her blood, her eye and her arm. And yet in DotO we don't see any valuable mentions of this man. Yes, we have a photo in her cabin but that's it! Nothing more nothing less, just a photo which exists in the cabin only to show us, the player, the Void rifts. Almost like it was never meant to actually represent their relationship, just a funny mechanic of the game.

Maybe I don't understand her character to that extent but when I firstly played and heard Billie's monologue about the state of the Dreadful Whale, I had a thought. Was there no one who could help her with that? And my first thought was Stilton, especially after I saw their photo together. But alas she didn't mention anything like that which was completely fine… till the The Stolen Archive mission. With a plot progression things became absurdly stupid. Billie learns that the cult uses Shindaerey as their hideout. And what is Shindaerey? It's a literal mining quarry.

And so you want to tell me that Billie who I know, cunning Billie, who was, by Daud's words, extremely good at unsolving mysteries, won't at least ask Stilton about this quarry? She won't ask a mining baron of Karnaca? Really? Give her skills some credit! I'm not asking for a 5 minute long cutscene but at least a small panel in the pre-mission briefing where Billie talks to him about that, and where we can see how worried he is for her. She is not alone and, no matter what, there is still at least one person who remembers her, sees her and wants the best for her. But again, for whatever reason Billie has no valuable connections in this game, it seems. So it didn't happen.

Two other people about which I keep thinking about are Thomas and that person who borrowed Billie's skiff and returned it during the Follow the Ink mission.

If that note from a certain T. was actually from Thomas I can't think of good enough reasons not to include some of the letter which might happen in between them during the events of the game. Thomas knew that both Billie and Daud were in Karnaca but he didn't know that Daud had died. And honestly an unfinished letter from Billie to him where she tries her best to write about their master's death but just can't - would be absolutely gut-wrenching and insightful. Also it could be interesting to see the difference in how Billie is talking about this event and how she is living through it in reality. Because - obviously - people's internal and external dialogues would be different and seeing that difference in Billie would help us, the player, to understand some shapes of her character.

Or maybe Thomas would learn about Daud's death himself somehow, maybe he could recognize Billie's work as she goes though the city to uncover its secrets. And, finally, it would be simply fun to find a small lootstach from Thomas on one of the missions, accompanied with a letter from him. How is he now? What are his thoughts about Billie? How do her actions are seen by the common folk? Or by the gangs? After all, a good character is not only divided by how the story sees that character but also how this character sees themselves and what other people in the story are thinking about this character. And, as I already said, this small letter exchange between Billie and Thomas could cover up those aspects.

And so we are left with only one character whose presence and absence in Billie's story bothers me. That person who borrowed the skiff. Because the skiff was Billie's main link between the shore and the Dreadful Whale. We learnt from DH2 that in any port there would be a “fee” for leaving the ship there, later, in DotO she complains that hiding her ship wasn't an easy task. So whoever borrowed it must be a good friend of Billie, as absence of the skiff puts her in a bad and potentially dangerous situation. Besides there is a note by a certain M., which talks about meeting with Billie later. I was kinda excited to see who this person might be. Someone whom I already know? Character from the first game? Maybe from the second one? Would it be a howler or black market dealer? Would they give me some special mission akin to one that Emily can get in the Royal Conservatory mission? Well, should I say that I was left wondering as there was not a single special NPC which met the criteria.

What? I forgot about someone? Deirdre? Oh, right. Deirdre. The best person in Billie's life and the worst death in Billie's memory. Right. It's almost too easy to forget that she exists, as Billie talks about her approximately two times in the game? More or less so. Should she talk more about her? Maybe, I don't know. But I remember thinking about using the rat charm in the Void or in the quarry. I thought that in the Void I could hear the real Deirdre speaking, this idea gave me chills back then. To adjust to the voice of your loved one's from rats, only to hear her cursing you for all you have done or to call you from beyond. I thought that she would appear somewhere in the Void, just in the corner of my vision. But again it didn't happen. And I don't know for better or for worse. As in the current state if you want to completely strip her out from the game - you won't lose a single thing. After all, a rat charm is just a rat charm, and so is a voice in it, as it never changes and never really speaks to Billie, it was never a personal matter.

Overall, I don't want to be another person who throws rocks at DotO as, honestly, I like Billie and I'm just… sad, I guess. I'm sad that the game about such a character fails to make me think more of her. I'm sad that the plot of this game was kinda ruined with a terrible script. And, at the end of the day, I'm just sad that Billies didn't get her chance to shine in her own game.

But nonetheless I still like Billie and, at least, her sarcastic comments on the surrounding was always a delight to hear, so I'm gonna replay this game one more time in vain hopes to find what I see in it.

[rueririn]

Pirating OPLA, thoughts

Episode 1

Garp being at Roger's execution is a nice touch

Really like how full Luffy's dinghy is-- crates of fruit, a barrel of fish instead of just one barrel of apples--- all makes sense. All the tiny details removed from manga that are just added onto opla for realism-- like the way the execution stand works, too, with the people cranking the manual lift to get roger up there. It's all very cool and makes the setting feel more piraty than mangapiece.

Our beloved Zoro tried to go to Sixis on a cruise ship. This is a good way to casually mention Zoro earlier (plus that's Ace's first island so it actually lines up on the One Piece map to be around Dawn Island--)

"it's worth more than the rest of our loot put together" a nika mention that can be interpreted as just a devil fruit mention

"You should never let anyone tell you what you can't do. If I did that, I never would have left my village to go find the One Piece." Luffy referencing Garp like this is so funny to me

Unlike mangapiece, Luffy invites Coby along before knowing his dream to become a marine. This makes me sad because now I wish la coby joined the crew

opla Shanks is weirdly more serious than mangapiece Shanks. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. That's the attitude I'm takign for most of opla anyways.

Adding the Mr 7 and Zoro fight here is actually really cool

Beta Nami outfit aaaaa they moved the pre-orange town ship-stealing scene to serve as her introduction scene and that works so well for her.

I love that they all naturally congregated in Ririka's bar. Everyone congregates and chaos occurs. Really like how they switched things up while never really taking things off course.

"PIRATES SPREAD DISEASE" poster on the wall

Coby sliding under the table once a fight breaks outajslkdjalsijdsakj i love him pls

ADORE the barfight. It's Zoro vs Baroque Works but bite-sized and with everything we love about the most consistently badass member of the crew. Thank you.

Zoro really pulled a reverse on Helmeppo lmao. "Three swords? I only need one" proceeds to get curbed by zero swords

oh! Zoro introduced himself as pirate hunter. that makes him different from mangapiece where he explicitly says at some point that he never called himself that. But it fits the opla characterisation so fair enough.

Luffy popping out of the manhole to yell 'thanks' at Zoro just sends me. Makino taught him well.

Nami being the most independent and capable girlboss up until the second Luffy literally crashes into her life and ruins her plan is actually 100% compliant with the basis of their relationship.

Oh is this the ass naked Helmeppo scene everyone's been yelling abo--- oh it is. ok.

I've never realized how badly I wanted a Nami and Luffy fighting together scene until now. I just realized how little of those we get in Mangapiece. Holy shit.

Romance Dawn trio just has this really satisfying trio cohesion that I can't describe. They're forever my favourite trio in the strawhats and opla does a magnificent job of bringing justice to what the manga couldn't give them with its chapter and page limits, since their only trio time together without being dragged around by handicaps was in the gaimon arc.

Makes me a little sad that Coby's involvement in Shells gets cut down a little, but that's fine I guess, he got plenty of touchup in his introduction scene.

Luffy holding back laughter when he sees Helmeppo's hair. Zoro chuckling because "yeah I might've done that" and Nami just being speechless. They're so stupid i love them

Garp going silent when he hears a straw-hat pirate stole the map to the grand line. I like to think this could imply Roger also stole his map once upon a time, but for now I'm just laughing at Garp internally screeching "that STUPID GRANDSON it's been ONE DAY"

[mikuni14]

We Are - Ep 6, Only Boo - Ep 5

Perhaps because of I Cannot Reach You, which I watched on Saturday, my view of We Are and Only Because this week was more harsh and less forgiving than usual 😭

We Are My biggest problem with We Are is that this show has no substance when it comes to romance. NONE. Seriously, it's more "meaty" on friendships than romance 😄 EVEN if a couple falls in love with each other at first sight, even if the couple starts their relationship with strong attraction and sex, for the romance to be interesting and engaging, we as viewers must observe some development, progress in the relationship. This is some form of journey for lovers and we accompany them in it. We Are, with the exception of Q and Toey, doesn't show relationship development at all. Tan and Fang have had about 3 scenes together so far, involving giving each other snacks and one scene of helping with a project. We know NOTHING about Fang. And suddenly in this episode, Tan proposes dating and Fang accepts. Where did this come from? Since when has Fang been in love with Tan? Is he in love with him? Their relationship… like what? Where?? When???? I have no idea what's going on with Chain and Pun (will they even be a couple?), especially since Pun suddenly has a great relationship and better chemistry with Mick. Regarding Phum and Peem: I just can't stand the way Phum behaves towards Peem, it's FUTS all over again, i.e. a rich and handsome but dumb guy doesn't know how to talk to his crush and comes up with complicated plans that always somehow humiliate said crush. The way Peem was waiting for him at the pool in this episode, AGAIN, while Phum was gaming with his friends… it pissed me off so much! And this "being a slave" is still treated so… normally and it is shown as something funny and romantic, as if Peem had no sense of self-worth and it was still a form of "fun" for him, and when he screws up and Phum is still nice (as in the food scene), then it is something positive for him. Well, unfortunately this is not my kind of romance, there is NOTHING cool or romantic about it for me and in real life Phum and Peem would not have a chance to be together. Their romance is ENTIRELY based on the oldest tropes, i.e. falling on each other and suddenly being close. Normally I love this closeness, when the characters are lost in each other's eyes and the sudden closeness makes them feel dizzy 👌 But this is literally the basis of their relationship, not one of the many things that make up romance. My beloved @miss0atae described the character of Phum in a very interesting way in this post and I also have the same thoughts. But the series completely screwed up on this matter because this thought occurred to me after his one sentence at the end of episode 5, because Phum simply acts like an ordinary asshole, his behavior was devoid of nuance and context so far. And that's the problem with We Are: this show has potential and, most importantly, it has the TIME to delve into each of its characters, including showing Phum as someone who is lonely and has trouble establishing romantic relationships, which is why he behaves stupid (for which he should face consequences). How unfair it is that Gray Shelter had material for a full season and crammed it into 5 short episodes, and We Are has SO MUCH TIME and can't use it. How much more interesting would the relationship between Phum and Peem be if they met under bad circumstances that would make them dislike each other, but also if they felt attracted to each other due to their expressive and strong personalities, all laced with the fact that they are both young, hot and each other's type 😉 I would love to watch their relationship in which they both mature, discover new feelings and needs, in which their prejudices are tested, in which they make mistakes and apologize, thanks to which they develop. How much more this kiss would feel deserved, long-awaited, important.

Only Boo I love Moo, I love Kang, I don't like forcing feelings on someone, I don't like putting pressure on someone, I hate love serenades, and I HATE love triangles. I know, I know, the series is silly and fun, and not that deep 🤡 I'm just being grumpy.

But maybe it's actually I Cannot Reach You's fault. I should take a 2-week break from watching BL series after every 10/10 drama lol

[dirkspanelcollection]

Pesterlog/Conversation between Eridan and Kanaya from page 2343

not really a panel, i know. but i love this exchange too much not to put it here.

Full log under cut.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin

GA: Who

CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very CooperativeGA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok

CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone doesCA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to

GA: Why Do I Got To GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less

CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticingCA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

GA: If Your Slander Werent So Predictable Id Block You Too For Saying That GA: Has It Occurred To You She May Have Blocked You Because You Are Vvery OvverbearingGA: I Just Said That Aloud Now In Your Silly Accent And Had A Private Moment Of Enjoyment

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith herCA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right

GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent GA: What Do You Want From Her Anyway

CA: she made me somethin per a prior arrangementCA: she wwill delivver it wwhen wwe meet in this game but i dont knoww wwhat the logistics are yetCA: im tryin to connoiter wwith her here but shes blowwin me off again fickle dirtscrapin landhag

GA: What Is It

CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethinCA: ok wwell not that obvviouslyCA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after

GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That

CA: wwellCA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionableCA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

GA: Also Speculate For A Moment That Self Preservation Might Not Be What Would Sway My Decision

CA: yeah go ahead and kiss us off but therell be blood on your handsCA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched toCA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps

CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworksCA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at onceCA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

GA: Its Just GA: Laborious Listening To ThisGA: Im SorryGA: None Of It Matters

CA: yeah it does its important sorry but the fate of the race and purity of the bloodline is important excuse me for being concerned

GA: I Know GA: But You Really Should Know By Now The World Will End Tonight RegardlessGA: Land And Sea Dwellers Alike Will All DieGA: Because Of The Game We Are About To PlayGA: And I Agree The Fate Of The Race Is Important But Its In My Hands NowGA: All Of Ours Really

CA: huhCA: wwell ok

GA: Really

CA: ordinarily id call bullshit on terrible stinkin bs like that but i knoww you dont really lie about stuffCA: unless its to yourselfCA: but thats wwhy i bother evven talking to you i wwouldnt evven be here SAYIN any of this otherwwiseCA: so did your clouds tell you that

GA: The Doomsday Scenario In Particular GA: No Not Exactly

CA: i got clouds and they dont tell me SHIT they hide nothin but misfortune and monstrositiesCA: fuckin pain in the ass fuckin cloudsCA: so howw do you knoww then

GA: I Have Another Source

CA: ok wwell you are jacked tight the fuck into this thing in so many wways i dont knoww wwhat to say anymoreCA: wwhatevver wwe wwill just play and find out i guessCA: so can you tell her to talk to me anywway

GA: No

CA: god dammitCA: she and me are teammates wwevve got to havve a powwwwoww or SOMETHING

GA: You Arent Actually On The Same Team

CA: fuckCA: fine i get it ill step offCA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that

GA: No Thats Not It

CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws itCA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright sillyCA: but its cool its totally fine dont wworry ill leavve you alone and givve you a shot

GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience

CA: wwhatCA: wwhoa wwait wwho

GA: Never Mind

CA: ok wwait did she talk to you todayCA: wwhat did she sayCA: or glub or wwhatevver

GA: Something About Longing To Touch You Indiscretely

CA: WWWWHAT

GA: And That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You GA: As Deep In The Flushed Quadrant As One Can Be

CA: wwaitCA: did she actually say thatCA: in confidence

GA: To The Letter

CA: can you copy exactly wwhat she said

GA: Absolutely Not

CA: this is bullshit youre bee essing me in some wway awwfulCA: you dont lie but you do tease and ill tranfuse my kickass royal blood out wwith incontinent musclebeast discharge if i wwont knoww wwhen im gettin hooked

GA: Yeah GA: Shes Just A Concerned MoirailGA: Looking Out For YouGA: Thats All

CA: awwww fuckCA: see im tellin youCA: you got to play your cards right

GA: What Do You Mean

CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to peopleCA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward

GA: Oh GA: Hmm

CA: kan its hard

GA: What

CA: being a kid and growwing up

CA: its hard and nobody understands

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

[beesmygod]

JJBA PART 5, VENTO AUREO IS THE UNDERBAKED MESS I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT FIXING...PART 2

FIX 2: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A PROBLEM LIKE GIORNO?

thats the homo photo of my dad

answer: i dont know.

the unfortunate and honest to god truth of the matter is that the protagonist of JJBA part 5, giorno giovanna, fucking sucks.

what if that little shithead from the twilight zone episode "it's a good life" was gay and watched "goodfellas". you might think "wow that sounds great" but, well, somehow it's not.

it is months later and i have been struggling with writing this for a bazillion reasons: i got sick, real life events occurred, i had to work on comic, i died, etc. but the most strenuous reason of all in the end was facing the impenetrable, tangled, and deeply complicated gordian knot that is the little ladybug loving bitch named giorno and not knowing where the fuck to even begin.

i had to think long and hard about how to approach the problem of "giorno giovanna". he is like a diamond of sucking ass: multi-faceted and beautiful in his perfection but is, ultimately, just a stupid fucking rock from the dirt. he completely lacks the innate charisma and personality inherent in previous jojo protagonists AND antagonists; despite having both the joestar AND brando gene pools to pull from, he manages to snag a net total of 0 personality traits. this problem is multiplied 100 fold once he starts actually doing things to move the plot along and the universe repeatedly bends itself like a pretzel in order to gift him undeserved and unrewarding (to us, the audience) win after win after win.

his theme goes hard as hell tho

if you were to ask me what is wrong with giorno, i would have no problem making a long and detailed list of why i want to slap the little cinnamon rolls of his head. i have no idea how to organize that list into a more coherent form of criticism that points at the overarching structural weakness of part 5. part 5 really, really wants you to like and root for giorno. it hinges on it. his victories are explicitly supposed to be emotionally and morally gratifying. they are instead trite and annoying.

for years, YEARS, my only experience with the entirety of part 5 outside of infamous panels and the most basic information about the story, was this incredible, evergreen and laser targeted tweet:

i thought this was a funny shit post. all i knew giorno had some kind of "life creation" power. what i didnt know was:

giorno says this exact line and then turns cars into frogs so that they (the bad guys) cant catch them (they do catch them)

giorno's power IS fucking stupid

i fucking hate him

he should stop using it

abbacchio was right. he was right about everything

how DO you talk about giorno? giorno's blandness permeates any situation he has the misfortune of attending and the parts of the narrative where he's missing for one reason or another are significantly improved by his absence. in comparison with the deuteragonists (bruno bucciarati) and tritagonists (the members of bruno's squad in the mafia family passione), he has all the flavor of a communion wafer. his character arc is non-existent. emotionally, he might as well have just gone to the store and back by the end of the story.

and, look, araki likes to play fast and loose with how powerful a stand is or what its abilities are. im not here to measure power levels or fucking whatever stupid shit people get up to. the more wild and insane he gets with his incredibly "unique" ""understanding"" of science and geometry, i'm 99% on board for. but giorno's stand, gold experience, is whatever the narrative needs it to be at any given time with no consistency. it's OP as hell long before he gets the 11th hour power boost; his stand has the extra trans-dimensional ability to remove any tension from a fight scene. through this, gold requiem can destroy the psyche of the audience, truly making it the most powerful stand of all time.

people used to love to bitch about not understanding how the villain's stand works in this part, but if anyone tells you they understand what the fuck THIS means they're lying to you.

anyway, there is only one solution i can think of when it comes to how to approach this: assess the major story beats in order. i think jumping around in the progression of events to highlight individual flaws in the character will not adequately impart the suffering one feels as an audience member while the narrative yo-yos between being rollicking good fun and being at the mercy of the little 15 year old twink with god mode on.

and so, having made it past koichi's tiny ass role (and his tiny ass) in the story and addressing how we can proceed, we can cover bruno (a genuinely wonderful character), polpo, and the wasted character building opportunity of the piss drinking scene, which vexes and infuriates me to this day. [thinking about the piss scene and getting mad again] ooooh!!!!

[takemyrevolutions]

“Is it, er, possible for a woman to be, you know, a wizard?” she said eventually. Simon stared at her. She gave him a defiant look. His throat strained. He was trying to find a sentence that didn’t start with a W. In the end he was forced to make concessions. 

“A curious idea,” he said. He thought some more, and started to laugh until Esk’s expression warned him. 

“Rather funny, really,” he added, but the laughter in his face faded and was replaced by a puzzled look. “Never really t-thought about it, before.” 

“Well? Can they?” You could have shaved with Esk’s voice. 

“Of course they can’t. It is self-evident, child. Simon, return to your studies.” Treatle pushed aside the curtain that led into the back of the wagon and climbed out on to the seat board. The look of mild panic took up its familiar place on Simon’s face. He gave Esk a pleading glance as Treatle took the reins from his hands, but she ignored him. 

“Why not? What’s so self-evident?” 

Treatle turned and looked down at her. 

He hadn’t really paid much attention before, she was simply just another figure around the campfires. He was the Vice-Chancellor of Unseen University, and quite used to seeing vague scurrying figures getting on with essential but unimportant jobs like serving his meals and dusting his rooms. He was stupid, yes, in the particular way that very clever people can be stupid, and maybe he had all the tact of an avalanche and was as self-centered as a tornado, but it would never have occurred to him that children were important enough to be unkind to. From long white hair to curly boots, Treatle was a wizard’s wizard. He had the appropriate long bushy eyebrows, spangled robe and patriarchal beard that was only slightly spoiled by the yellow nicotine stains (wizards are celibate but, nevertheless, enjoy a good cigar). 

“It will all become clear to you when you grow up,” he said. “It’s an amusing idea, of course, a nice play on words. A female wizard! You might as well invent a male witch!” 

“Warlocks,” said Esk. 

“Pardon me?” 

“My granny says men can’t be witches,” said Esk. “She says if men tried to be witches they’d be wizards.” 

“She sounds a very wise woman,” said Treatle. 

“She says women should stick to what they’re good at,” Esk went on. 

“Very sensible of her.” 

“She says if women were as good as men they’d be a lot better!” 

Treatle laughed. 

“She’s a witch,” said Esk, and added in her mind: there, what do you think of that, Mr. so-called cleverwizard? 

“My dear good young lady, am I supposed to be shocked? I happen to have a great respect for witches.” Esk frowned. He wasn’t supposed to say that. 

“You have?” 

“Yes indeed. I happen to believe that witchcraft is a fine career, for a woman. A very noble calling.” 

“You do? I mean, it is?” 

“Oh yes. Very useful in rural districts for, for people who are—having babies, and so forth. However, witches are not wizards. Witchcraft is Nature’s way of allowing women access to the magical fluxes, but you must remember it is not high magic.” 

“I see. Not high magic,” said Esk grimly. 

“Oh no. Witchcraft is very suitable for helping people through life, of course, but—” 

“I expect women aren’t really sensible enough to be wizards,” said Esk. “I expect that’s it, really.” 

“I have nothing but the highest respect for women,” said Treatle, who hadn’t noticed the fresh edge to Esk’s tone. “They are without parallel when, when—”

“For having babies and so forth?” 

“There is that, yes,” the wizard conceded generously. “But they can be a little unsettling at times. A little too excitable. High magic requires great clarity of thought, you see, and women’s talents do not lie in that direction. Their brains tend to overheat. I am sorry to say there is only one door into wizardry and that is the main gate at Unseen University and no woman has ever passed through it.”

“Tell me,” said Esk, “what good is high magic, exactly?” 

Treatle smiled at her. “High magic, my child,” he said, “can give us everything we want.” 

“Oh.” 

“So put all this wizard nonsense out of your head, all right?” Treatle gave her a benevolent smile. “What is your name, child?” 

“Eskarina.”

“And why do you go to Ankh, my dear?” 

“I thought I might seek my fortune,” muttered Esk, “but I think perhaps girls don’t have fortunes to seek. Are you sure wizards give people what they want?” 

“Of course. That is what high magic is for.” 

“I see.” 

The whole caravan was traveling only a little faster than walking pace. Esk jumped down, pulled the staff from its temporary hiding place among the bags and pails on the side of the wagon, and ran back along the line of carts and animals. Through her tears she caught a glimpse of Simon peering from the back of the wagon, an open book in his hands. He gave her a puzzled smile and started to say something, but she ran on and veered off the track. 

Scrubby whinbushes scratched her legs as she scrambled up a clay bank and then she was running free across a barren plateau, hemmed in by the orange cliffs. She didn’t stop until she was good and lost but the anger still burned brightly. 

She had been angry before, but never like this; normally anger was like the red flame you got when the forge was first lit, all glow and sparks, but this anger was different—it had the bellows behind it, and had narrowed to the tiny blue-white flame that cuts iron. It made her body tingle. She had to do something about it or burst. 

Why was it that when she heard Granny ramble on about witchcraft she longed for the cutting magic of wizardry, but whenever she heard Treatle speak in his high-pitched voice she would fight to the death for witchcraft? 

She’d be both, or none at all. And the more they intended to stop her, the more she wanted it. 

She’d be a witch and a wizard too. And she would show them. 

Equal Rites, Terry Pratchett

[estcsy]

STFU TELL US AB GOTHAM RN

okay sorry its just that gotham was gonna be one of the first places I was gonna shift to till I gave up LMFAO I have so much questions.

did you see salina? what was batman like?

ITS OKAY DONT WORRY HA yes i did see selina, BARELY THO

i was walking home alone which i know is such a stupid thing to do especially in gotham but one thing about me is i’m gonna risk my life when i shift somewhere because i think it’s so fun it’s like a little game to me i don’t take shit serious

BE SAFE THO ‼️‼️ IM BEING FR ABOUT THAT

while i was walking it felt like i was being watched and it started to scare me a little bit so i was getting myself ready to swing if i needed to do i turned around and nobody was there? so i’m like “okay whatever keep walking”

then it occurs to me to look up so i did and she was like standing on top of a building and i’m not gonna lie i got scared i thought she was gonna rob my ass for a sec 💀

so we’re like staring at each other and i didn’t know what else to do so i waved at her

like “:D👋🏼” and she waved back?? i didn’t think she would but she did that was very nice of her then i walked away and she watched me walk away and it made me nervous she’s intimidating 😭 she’s like 5’2 i got inches in her and still i was shaking in my boots

and i met bruce because like there was some bombing threats so special forces had to be involved so they called me and like some other people and the chief was like “these are our best agents they can assist you if you need” and i was trying not to giggle because i knew damn well that i had it easy and just scripted that in good at what i do and everyone else had to do it that hard way

eventually i started talking to him i said “hi :D” and he didn’t say anything to me then i asked him if he had a good day and he didn’t say anything again so i’m thinking “okay fuck you too” and he didn’t say anything till he was leaving i said “bye batman :D 👋🏼” and he actually said bye back?? that was crazy

his deep ass voice is funny tho he was like “bye 👹”

but yeah i enjoyed it a lot it was very fun!! :D

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 160 spoilers and thoughts that i am a tad bit late on (sorry abt that) below the cut

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bugs when you lift a rock

I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS EP IT WAS SUPER COOL AND THE BALANCE BETWEEN THE GAGS AND THE COOL PANELS WAS GREAT

i fucking love . javier being smug so so much THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAAHAHHAA bud knows his worth fr he really looks like an angel

they're so stupid /aff what's wrong with them

AND RAPHAEL'S WEAPON REVEAL. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE GIGANTIC WEAPONRY. IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER WHEN WEAPONS OF CHOICE ARE ABSURDLY HUGE AND THIS REALLY REALLY WINS THAT. ALSO I AM TERRIFIED FOR THEM BECAUSE OH MY GOD THIS LOOKS SCARY but also it having a very normal Office Product Name is HILARIOUS LOL yes the multipurpose business hammer. for business. it's big but don't worry about it .

we also have a date for when the great war in the mythical age occurred! i haven't quite started a whole Lorasia Timeline thing yet but thisll be useful for future reference i think

plus plus, the way the jewel of truth tells the truth,,, is by bypassing the heavenly realms rules and accessing something beyond that. it could be related to the system that lloyd is using? or when javier became a grandmaster how his mana changed to something beyond the laws of causality , or whatever that was. might be related!!!

THE PRAYER GAG WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO MADE MY HEART ACHE BECAUSE- LIKE OKAY THE "also i want to live life selfishly and freely in retirement" IS SO REAL OF HIM BUT ALSO

i really truly believe that this second panel is how he really truly feels. living like a bum aside, lloyd has always put others first, he's always protected other people before himself. lloyd also tends to always try and take things into his own hands, taking the reins and pulling things into his control, so that he can achieve this unknowingly noble goal of protecting those close to him.

it makes the fact that the moment he heard about making a prayer he does it IMMEDIATELY, so so so heartache to me; maybe i'm overanalyzing/overthinking these things, but as someone who doesn't quite believe in higher power and also as someone with a lot of easily-hurtable pride:

do you realize what it takes to fall to your knees, to beg and to pray to be heard, to be at the mercy of someone else, for something you want?

that HURTS a LOT. seeing lloyd immediately bow his head and pray like this. he's desperate not to lose it all - he can't, not when the goal is so close - and fighting the angel really isnt smth they should do at all bc people would get hurt. and so he's on his knees for someone else to grant that privilege of building this jewel of truth... it could be my perspective / feelings influencing how i perceive this ofc, maybe it's really not that deep, but it Hurt me and i felt the need to explain why LMFAO

anyway, me inflicting psychic damage on myself aside, JAVIER VS RAPHAEL!!! THEIR WHOLE FIGHT IS SO SO COOL AND JAVIER LOOKS FUCKING INSANE /POS

the sheer power of their collisions/parrying sending REVERBERATIONS LIKE THAT is so fucking CRAZY javier has grown so so strong and the fact that he's sparring w an ANGEL is so fucking COOL GOD THIS IS SO COOL

AND THE CLOSEUPS ON JAVIERS FACE TOO THEY MAKE ME INSANE LIKE WHAT THE SHIT HE'S SO FUCKING COOL

LIKE NO FUCKING WONDER HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF TKOBAI HE LOOKS AND ACTS THE PART SO SO WELL HE'S SO MAIN CHARACTER SHAKES HIM AROUND HE'S SO COOL

poor lloyd tho the sounds of the fight fucking him up bc of the swordmaster syndrome RIP though it does look like he's handling it better than before!

there's still a lot of push and blur bc of the overwhelming sounds but it feels less chaotic and messy than the panels from last ep, like it looks more controlled i think? like the lineart looks much more stable here, so it seems like the meditation/training helped!!!

ALSO ALSO SOLITAS YAYAYAYAYAYY ITS MY BOY MY FAVORITE SIDE CHAR the mid-transformation panels are so so cool!!! so many awesome things this week heehee

AND VERKIS YAYYY YAYAYAYAYY honestly yeah it tracks that the three biggest powers on lorasia fighting at all would just. fuck up the world good thing he stopped solitas,,, even if solitas doesnt know who he is HAHAHA LMFAOOO "... who are you?" HAHAHA

OH AND BACK TO THE FIGHT RAPHAEL'S HALO THAT'S SUCH A COOL MECHANIC

that's so cool that the halo can be used defensively like this!!! and it stands just fine after one of javier's strikes too that's so crazy

it makes a lot of design sense too w the way he's dressed, and also with the sheer SIZE of his weapon; you'd think that he'd have like, armor or something if he was going somewhere expecting a fight, but all he's wearing is a nice clean white suit. but that's cause the halo does all the defense work for him!!! and with the weapon too like, if you need to suddenly defend but you're in the middle of an attack and unable to shift your momentum, the halo's got you covered! it'd be hellish trying to stop your trajectory with the swing of a hammer THAT large, it looks like its made of straight up metal/steel, so when you swing you HAVE to follow through. u wouldn't be able to really defend with it

im just saying all the same stuff at this point but GOD THIS IS COOL AND CLEAN HALO MECHANICS I LIKE IT A LOT

the effects in general are just SOOOO awesome in this episode im really happy about that heehee, the artist rlly popped off!!

AND FINALLY,,, LLOYD PREPARES TO SING,,,

THE FUCKING DEMON SHAPE IN THE SHADOW BEHIND HIM OH MY GODDD HAHAHAAA

see like. i'm genuinely wondering whether or not this'll work or if it'll like, cancel out like PEMDAS, cause like raphael would be considered a holy creature, right? and lloyd's singing is considered demonic, and so those two powers are opposites, so would it be like neutralized overall?? like would raphael just lose his power, or maybe lose control of his halo, or would he actually take damage from his singing?

sorry that's really silly HAHA but i thought it'd be funny to think about, im really excited to see where this fight goes!!!! i really hope we get more cool moments this is so sick i'm so excited!!!!

okay okay thats it hehe see y'all next week (as in later this week lmfao)

[bigasswritingmagnet]

A Monologue, of Sorts

Fandom: Dragon Age Summary: A good return-from-the-dead plot twist reveal requires a little rehearsal. Monologues of painful emotional honesty are much easier to give when there's no one else to hear you.

AO3 Link

'Surprise! I'm not dead!' 

No, that's bad. That's not even funny. 

'Guess what!' 

Maker , that's even worse. Hm. 

'Hello!' 

No. 

'Greetings!' 

Ugh . 

'Knock knock, who's there, me, I'm alive!' That’s stupid, this is stupid . This is worse than being in the Fade. At least in the Fade I didn’t need to worry about the best way to greet the demons before I bashed them over the head.

Now I'm talking to myself. No one else to talk to, I suppose. Just trees and rocks. Hardly pleasant company. Maybe I’m just going mad. Maybe I’ve already gone mad, and I’m actually still in the–

No. No, I’m here. I know I’m here. I can tell the difference. I can.

I’m here. 

…I need to sit. 

Ow. Bloody tree roots everywhere, can never find a decent place to rest. I'm starting to understand why Varric hates the outdoors so much. At least when he's here I have someone to complain to. Although that stump does sort of look like Varric. If he was a stump. 

Hello, Varric, so nice of you to drop by! It's simply been ages, how delightful to see you. You're looking very...mossy. In a good way, of course. The mushrooms really bring out your eyes. 

No, I didn't beat the Nightmare. Didn't you see the size of that thing? It was a mountain-sized spider! I'm not going to fight that! I just ran away. You remember how good I am at that. I was less good at hiding, but eventually I managed to get to a part of the Fade where it couldn’t reach me. Then I just wandered around til I found a Fade rift and popped back through to the real world. 

Popped isn’t the best word. It was more ‘hurled myself bodily through it while three pride demons tried to grab me and tear me in half’. 

Yes, I'm glad I’m out, too. Let's see...Then I decided to take a vacation, a little time for myself. I found a very nice cave - I say cave, more of a crevice, really - and hid in there for a few days. It was quite cozy. I meant to invite you, but between the fits and vomiting black sludge everywhere, I simply wasn't in any state to entertain. 

There's no need to worry! I'm in tip-top shape now. Better than ever. Once I could walk in a straight line again and was reasonably sure I wasn’t going to die, I started to make my way to Skyhold. It's been rather slow going, unfortunately. I have to stay off the roads–far too many bandits. It would be so obnoxiously tragic to survive the Deep Roads and the qunari and Meredith and the Fade, only to get taken out by some common thug. I refuse to die such a cliche death. 

Yes, I thought you would appreciate that.

Why am I sitting in a clearing in the middle of a forest? Ah. Well. It occurred to me that I should probably think of how to properly reveal that I'm still alive. One really only gets one chance at this sort of thing, so it has to be done just right. I mean, it is possible I'll be assumed dead again at some point, but after the first time, it rather loses its narrative impact. 

I could be casual, walk into Skyhold and ask what's for lunch. Or I could wait for a storm to roll in, wear a big cloak and then throw back the hood just as the lightning crashes. Maybe even make a little mist to swirl around me as I do it. 

Over the top? Don't be ridiculous, Varric. Where's your sense of drama? 

...Yes, I suppose a heroic sacrifice is enough drama for one lifetime. Or even two. That's the real reason I'm here, I suppose. A truly great performance requires that one knows one's audience, and I'm really not sure what sort of reception I should expect. Tears of joy and a great big cake would be ideal, but things are so rarely ideal these days. Far more likely everyone will be annoyed with me for causing so much unnecessary distress. Even you. 

Maybe even especially you. 

Do you remember, once, when I said I'd never leave you? 'Where would I be without my trusty dwarf.' But I did, didn't I? I left Kirkwall. I let them drag you off to Haven. Now this . All I ever wanted to do was keep you safe, but even when I'm not there I'm getting you into trouble. You're probably sick to death of it all. And now I've gone and... 

I know. You're furious. You don't even want me to come back. You absolutely hate me. You despise me, you wish I really was dead. 

Of course I remember! But all those little speeches – yes, speeches , you talk too much – were ages ago. A lot can change in four years. Four years of your whole world coming crashing down around your ears, and every bit of it my fault. 

What do you know? You’re not even real! You’re a tree stump, and I’m talking to myself like an absolute loon because I don’t want to have to hear the real you tell me how much he hates me!

Oh. 

Hello, Varric. Funny meeting you here.  

It's very rude to listen in on other people's conversations, you know. At the very least you could have made some noise. Although I suppose it saves me the trouble of having to repeat myself.    

No, don't you dare start crying, because if you–if you start then, then I'll– Tethras, you absolute bastard –

.

.

.

It’ll dry off eventually. It’s just a shirt, Hawke, there’s more important things. 

It is so in character for me; you’ve just never seen me in this type of scenario before. Besides, I already ruined your dramatic reveal, I’m not going to make it worse by getting mad at you over a wet shirt. …Or anything else, for that matter. 

But I’m not. And I sure as hell don’t hate you. 

Oh no you don’t. The role of guilt-stricken former comic relief has already been filled by yours truly, and there’s not enough blame for the both of us. 

What have you got to be guilty about? 

I know you did; this is me turning your question back on you. You’re supposed to be struck by the realization that you are not, in fact, at fault for every terrible thing that happens in the– Oh. 

Yeah, alright, you’re very clever. You don’t have to look so smug about it. 

You realize you can only be victorious if you also acknowledge you’re not at fault for everything. 

I only make it look easy. Listen, if we’re going to debate fault and the morality of cause and effect, I’d rather do it indoors with alcohol available, not sitting around in the dirt. There’s plenty of taverns between here and Skyhold. 

Sure we can. I’ll even let you win a few hands.

Nugs? No, they do not serve nugs in Skyhold. Alright, that’s it, we need to get you to civilization before you go any crazier. 

Lightning fried– Maker help us, it might already be too late.

[balladofthelamb]

tbh... post shower trans journal time:

i feel miffed and upset rn.... personally cheated by the universe on my flesh vessel. and also mad at myself bc i feel like, i should be trying to pass rn, but tbh i havent tried at all since the pandemic started. its funny cause in quarantine i figured out, yes, im a dude, but im also, not a dude. nonbinary, whatever you wanna call it. butch for sure, but my expression changes in waves. but its like, ive come to be okay (somehow!) with being fem in public, and thats good to a certain degree, because in quarantine i wished i could just be a dude who wears dresses sometimes. but at the same time, when i was in hs, all i did was try to pass, and it was so painful, all the time, the complete lack of respect everyone gave me. people see you differently, that's just the end of it. id go home and cry and cry bc not only did i get treated horribly, but also no one saw me for who i was. so im not like, crazy. i know why i dont try anymore. its bc it sucks. trying to pass (for me now) feels stupid. ive got other things to focus on. its a blackhole of effort and i doubt i will ever get to a point where people see me and think im a dude without question. it's also painful, fitting yourself into boxes for cis people so they can even understand a sliver of who u r. im not someone who breaks myself for others. i dont want to be someone who only wears fem stuff in private for the sake of passing. or, like before, when i would be terrified in social interactions that the other party would piece together that im not a dude. but at the same time, when the efforts worked and people did think i was a guy, its euphoria i haven't experienced in years now... i think its isolating to think, very few if any will ever truly see me, and yes there are those that do and of course that's important to me. but, it does make me feel incredibly disconnected to everybody else and with my gender in general. it would be easier, at least, if i was a gender conforming ftm. but im not even. and then with the autism, my gender is already creature like. this summer, the thought has occurred to me several times to try to pass again, to put myself in the box, at least for the joy of having people think im male, even if only sometimes. though, admittedly i immediately push away the idea bc it would require a masculine name, and i actually happen to like the name ive chosen for myself now. changing it would be a drag. also, part of me wonders if passing would be impossible now bc i think, realistically, what i would even pass as would be a teenage boy, and it wouldn't make sense among everyone i know whos an adult. anyways, i am going to get high now 🧓🫶