#this is probably the funniest shit i've written

[pararennial-archived]

She is sitting there . . . Like an overgrown stuffed animal, probably spacing out or something while having a bunch of items nestled inside her very thick coat.

Her visits almost become regular, it was beyond the point of simply happenstance and algorithm. The greatest mathematicians cannot unravel the grandest of mysteries with such fine point precision, not through equations nor measurements. Whether Roxanne knows the true identity of the she-wolf or not, Amaterasu Ōmikami shows whenever she pleases, as certain as an ocean wave would collide against rocky shores.

Her arrival is not unwelcome as Roxanne greets her amiable companion with a smile and gently runs her fingers through the wolf's voluminous mane. The silken texture was to be expected, but not the foreign object that her fingers catch hold of. What the ⏤ ?

With a frown, Roxanne's hand closed around something cool to the touch and when she unearthed it from a mass of fur, to her surprise it was a bong of all things! Sucking in a sharp breath, she vigorously rakes her hands through, catching anything in her grasp. From her excavation, she collects a few zip locked bags of weed, several bottles of pricey booze, and even a pair of pants filled with ( you guessed it ) more weed.

Now, Roxanne is no narc, nor is she the most pious and reverent person ever. However, anybody should be able to acknowledge that this is an incredibly tasteless act!

❝What kind of drug dealer does this?! How'd they get to you?! And most importantly, how the fuck will they expect to get this all back?!❞

@ama-tcra-su

[anoant-haikyuu-dump]

"trio built like a sitcom" is just SUCH a good tag I love it

I MEAN LOOK AT THEM, ALL THEY NEED IS A LAUGH TRACK AND A COUCH

[suzukiblu]

For your ask game, what’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

. . . god I don't even know, man, that's a LOT of things, hahaha. And like, that answer definitely changes depending on the day/year/phase of the moon. So you're getting a couple answers here! Also I'm gonna keep this mostly to DC and only include finished fics, because me picking between WIPs would take a thousand years and also probably kill us all, lol (ignore the fact that a couple of these fics have sequels in-progress right now, STILL COUNTS OKAY??).

everything happens for a reason. sometimes that reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever written, full stop. Lex is SO fun to write, seriously, I could write him all fucking DAY.

I'm really proud of blondes really do have more fun, both because of how much it seems to have affected/touched people who read it and because I think it was my first experience with writing gender euphoria as a major thing and writing, like, an actual explicit trans narrative? Like, I definitely wrote genderfuckery and implications and metaphors before that and probably even some trans characters, arguably, but that's the first story I really remember deliberately just making about being TRANS. And also holy shit, man, did I ever love writing gender euphoria for the first time, especially because I'd mostly only seen gender DYSphoria as a focal point in other stories and it just didn't/doesn't resonate with me the same way. I'm not trans because everything else makes me miserable, I'm trans because that's what makes me HAPPY. I don't remember if I was intentionally thinking that at the time, but that's the story I wanted to write for that one.

one day this will all be yours and you found me when no one else was looking are both concepts I love and found really cathartic to write and was very pleased to finish. I love that they're sort of "families of choice" fics about, like, actual BIOLOGICAL families (like, in the context of the fics, anyway), which probably sounds weird but is a concept I'm sort of painfully fascinated by--like, about the fact that you CAN choose your family, obviously, but sometimes you're lucky enough to find out that you had someone worth choosing already and just didn't necessarily know it, or to both grow into people who CAN choose each other even if you had problems or lashed out due to outside traumas or didn't always understand each other. That's, like, very personally relevant and meaningful to me, the idea that maybe the thing that got all fucked-up and the choices you made when you didn't fully understand the consequences of them can still be worked through and repaired and made into something new and better.

Also, special mention because this one is back a few fandoms but zero humble on it: best friends means you get what you deserve is just really, really good, and I did GOOD on it, hah. I took a three-word prompt/concept and turned it into 17k of "hey, doesn't this make more sense for why this character is the way he is, and isn't this what the main character actually wanted??" in genre-savvy explanation of why the sidekick character might stick around for the antisocial asshole hero and seem perfectly happy to base their life largely around them no matter how said hero treats them, and then I made the Consequences(tm) happen to Jaskier and Geralt, both bad AND good. I am just SO dang proud of that one, UGH I love it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ FRIENDSHIP, AND THE CONSEQUENCES THEREOF.

[local-apollo-kid]

Thinking about how Shadow Company probably has a book full of things the shadows have written down about their Commander and how most of it is cute or funny or stupid or cool things they've seen him do but other times its a full on love confession and nobody knows if the person who wrote it is joking or not.

Shadow Company Record Book

Entry 207:

Graves passed out inside Pluto's helicopter today. It was rather cute although I'm surprised he managed to with the rock music in the background and Pluto's clanging around in the engine.

Entry 125:

The Commander decided to wake up at the asscrack of dawn to go for a run in the snow, and I had to drag him back inside after he fell head first into a pile of snow.

Entry 301:

Commander tripped today. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

HEY

I will not retract my statement :]

Entry 469:

When the bloody hell did you guys start making a record book of shit that I've done? You know what, I don't want to know. Go wild, you feral animals.

[bestanimatedmovie]

Choose your favorite!

Vote in the other polls!

What fans say:

Atlantis: The Lost Empire:

The whole movie is just top tier good shit. One of the top best underrated Disney movies with a great twist on who is bad. Ahead of its time. Plus Leonard Nimoy as the king???

I love the music, I love the adventure, and Helga Sinclair is an excellent villain. Not to mention such a strong cast.

Legitimately one of the most fascinatingly original animated films ever made, with not only a unique art style, but a cast of incredible and diverse characters all written with genuine heart and personality. I personally memorized what I call "Milo's Rant" for a drama monologue project in high school, and it still stands as one of my favorite scenes in ANY movie to this day.

The art style is amazing and it is one of my favorite stories. It was one of my favorite childhood movies and still is my favorite now. My favorite scene has to be the end fight scene in the volcano, though the "ENGLAND MUST NEVER MIX WITH FRANCE" line from Mole still makes me chuckle.

Megamind:

The memes on that guy! Also very likely one of Tumblr's most iconic movies. There's just great stuff in there and I want to rewatch the damn thing now.

The animation is great, the dialogue is INCREDIBLE, its an utterly fantastic deconstruction of the superhero genre, it is CRIMINALLY underrated, and i love it with every facet of my being (: Also my favorite scene is probably "PRESENTATION!!!" Seriously, i CANNOT overstate how awesome this scene is. Its perfect in SOOOOOO many ways!!!

PRESENTATION!!!!!!!!

An absolute delight of a film, Megamind is funny, subversive and incredibly emotionally resonant. Megamind is a very relatable protagonist and it might be one of the funniest movies I've ever watched. If you haven't seen it, you should.

Every scene is my favourite, it’s a masterpiece of humour and subversion and plot twists, 10-11 year old me didn’t watch it over 20 times in a row for nothing. I’ve had the opening quote written on my mirror since 2013.

PRESENTATION. it has a really good story, plot, characters, themes, and its really funny and i like it very much.

[peepslibrary]

Introducing~ Lay Bankz

This is probably one of the funniest things I've ever written. I guess this qualifies as a song fic? If you've been on tiktok a couple months ago, you'd probably recognize this song.

Synopsis: What would happen if the LU boys heard the song Ick?

Warnings: Explicit lyrics, mentions of sex

Y'all can thank @trippygalaxy for this.

... Why is there a portal right outside the camp?

Why is there

a

PORTAL-

You're fairly confident the whole town heard your sigh and the chain's groans as y'all packed everything up and linked hands to go through the stupid portal. The other side of the portal was - in fact - NOT another Hyrule. It was a stadium. A stadium filled to the brim with people, a gigantic stage, and multicolored lights moving all around. Ok wait- the portal might've been the least of your problems.

The group looks around with emotions varying from confused to overstimulated. Honestly, if you squint you could see their braincells work together. You turn around, doing a quick headcount. “Wait, where’s Wind?” You count again and… nope still 9 including you. Fuck

I don't mean to judge off a first impression. Or his part-time job at 7/11. But he's a broke-ass peasant ask-

You feel your eyebrows furrow. Where do you know this song??

(ick) and he's got bad credit (ick) and he got a foot fetish (ick) DNR, but he tryin' paramedic

Shit... that's where you recognize this from. Tiktok

You're quick to move and cover Sky’s ears, making a silent prayer to whatever poor soul is listening. You need to get everyone out. You guys need to find Wind and you're fairly confident that everyone present will get red in the face when they register the lyrics.

"Time." Thankfully he managed to hear you despite the current situation. You see him angle his head up for a milisecond. Just subtle enough for you to reply with a tilt of your head towards an emergency exit. He doesn't hesitate to nod, moving to Wars and Twilight to help move everyone along. It's not a stretch to think that he's overstimulated with the environment. Has any of them ever heard this much noise so close?? You wouldn't wish that on your worst enemy.

Actually... Dink can kiss your ass. He's literally the one that pulled you into this craziness in your pjs. Like... dude coulda waited until you were decent t-

“Hey, what’s going on?” You curse and look up at the question-er. His eyes stuck looking at the ground, his ears lowered under your hands while his playing with the fabric of his sailcloth. “Sky I’m trying to get you guys out of-“

(Ew) Lady boner gone (Oh no), He dry humpin' me and huffin' like a dog (Hah, hah), And he whispered in my ear did I get off?

You didn’t think it was possible to cringe laugh *this* hard. But oh boy, the collective faces made shouldn’t have been that funny. Red in the face and trying to move everyone faster - incredibly hard considering they’re all standing like statues - are Time, Wars, Legend, and Twilight. Sky, Wild, Four, and Hyrule have moved to cover their own ears, with some crouched against the floor.

Somehow everyone is able to leave the stadium with only their innocence (or lack of thereof) injured, only to find Wind standing with a security guard eating a string cheese and a can of soda next to him.

“There you guys- what happened?” Wind makes his way to y’all and you use that chance to check for visible injuries, making sure no one injured him.

“Although it’s likely they would be the one injured.” Your brain supplied helpfully.

“Uhh…” you look at the group’s states, “let’s just say they weren’t expecting what was inside the stadium.” Wind nods in understanding, “Yeah, Sam wouldn’t let me in because it was ‘for adults.’” You spare a glance towards the guard, who gives a humored nod and sends you guys on your way.

[spyridonya]

Lots of People You Want to Know Better

I was tagged by @arendaes, @yunessa, and @dujour13!

Three ships:

I'm going for canon ships! Even if I love my OCs, I don't want anyone to feel left out!

Clarice Starling/Hannibal Lecter - NOT THE TV SERIES!! Regardless of Hannigram aside, Clarice would probably stab TV!Hannibal five thousand times for the shit he pulled on every woman in that damn show. But in the books and in the movies? Their angst an UST is absolutely fantastic and treating down the Good Girl trope in Hannibal the novel is excellent in it's problematic glory.

Dispater/Erecura - Pathfinder did the funniest damn thing and made a goddamn Hades/Persephone love story. No, listen. Dispater is the Roman adaption of Hades. Erecura was an association for Proserpina, the Roman adaption for Persephone. They meet through work after Erecura is a goddamn badass and gets booted to hell, have a casual romance, and get married, and he is absolutely smitten with her. This isn't head canon, Paizo goes 'HE SINCERELY LOVES HIS WIFE'.

Nicole Haught/Waverly Earp - No, Wynonna and Doc Holliday were not the main romantic ship. It was Nicole and Waverly. It was love that began with flirting and grew, and grew, Nicole and Waverly overcame so goddamn much together and was the glue that kept everyone sane. Also, they were hot. Really hot. Oh my gosh were they hot.

Last Song:

RIELL - Wrecking Ball (Original Lyrics)

Last Movie:

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once - My second time seeing it but I wanted to watch it with my dad. The vibe fits.

Currently Reading:

Authority – Jeff VanderMeer

This is the toughest book in the Area X series, with Annihilation being the most accessible (Acceptance is a pretty accessible read but you need to get through Authority to not get overly lost). However, it's a great audiobook and it has two of the most horrific moments I've read in a while. The plot is good, but the way how it's written means you need to pay attention, and reading along with audio is absolutely worth it.

Currently Watching:

I've got so many series, but I'm trying some older TV series. Person of Interest has been my favorite so far due to Michael Emerson being opposite of what he is in Evil.

Currently Eating:

Nothing at the moment, but dinner should be pasta.

Currently Craving:

Jeans and cheesecake.

Favorite Color:

Purple

Favorite Flavor:

Lavender has recently become my favorite.

Current Obsession:

Baldur's Gate 3, though WotR isn't too far behind.

Last thing I googled:

'middle ages trapping'

Favorite season:

Mid-Fall, when the weather is nice and not ruining my skin, when it's not too cold, and there's a few fun holidays making the time go quicker!

Skill I’d like to learn:

I'd love to get back into painting and one day I want to take an anatomy class for drawing so I can do something other than portrait.

Best advice:

"Compete against yourself, not against others."

I am tagging (with no pressure!) - @chaosteddybear, @cassynite, @amatres, @tenmillionbees, @serenbach86 - Though if you've already done this, I wouldn't mind a link to see!

[bandydear]

I’ve been reading your tlgbf tlgbl fic, and am absolutely obsessed!! Where did you get the inspirations for dyke Jackie? I love how you’ve written her and her queerness

So, I prescribe to the theory that Jackie had some inclinations about her homosexuality out there in the wild and that's why she's parading around in sweater vests and limp wrists. That the high femme presentation we see in the pilot is more of a gender and social performance than who she is. And, I explored the people pleaser elements that lingered behind in that.

She compliments Nat in the Pilot that she admires how true to herself Natalie is which means that Jackie is not true to herself. She feels the pressure of expectation and lives within that expectation instead of her truth. We are never given a "truth that could crash an airplane" from Jackie. What she says is that she used to sneak downstairs and watch The Color of Night so she could pause it at Bruce Willis's wang.

For research for the fic, I watched Color of Night (the shit I do for art...). Bruce Willis's flaccid dong is there for like, five frames. And, it's not impressive like she claims it to be. You know what that movie actually has a lot of? Naked women and lesbian sex. Jackie's gay.

I know a lot of butch/futch/even high femme dykes who began their journeys presenting heterofemme realness and rejected it when they made their way down the rainbow brick road. Jackie very much gives me those vibes. Like, she has gay energy, but also a very "useless gay man" energy.

I think that finding out "x amount" of her teammates are some kind of queer and that the Very Hetero Sport she's been shielding herself with is uhhhhh Not That is part of what leads her down the path of self-discovery.

She's also shredded. Jackie canonically has an 8-pack and that's interesting because in the 90's, muscle tone was seen as something undesirable for women. (Now, I know that the show is made Now, where the aesthetic ideals are different, but if it's in the text it counts.)

Anyway, this has all been said before in other tumblr posts about Jackie being gay. I'm sure you're asking about why I wrote her as a futch service top instead of say, a femme pillow princess?

It has to do with her character arc. In S1 of Yellowjackets, Jackie's arc is one of nihilism and regression. The only thing that is keeping her alive in this survival situation is her love for Shauna, and when she learns of Shauna's resentment, she loses the will to live. Literally. Dies of a broken heart.

Jackie cannot survive in an environment without love. And, she struggles with survival instincts in general. Which is what makes her a great foil to Nat, who cannot help but survive, and, ironically, dies in S2 of too much love. The moment Nat stopped being cynical and nihilistic she doomed herself.

Two characters in direct opposition cannot exist so therefore they must either kill one or the other other--or change each other to live in harmony. I chose the latter. Jackie softens Nat and Nat hardens Jackie. They meet in the middle. If Jackie becomes hard, and becomes someone who can survive, what does that look like? What's the funniest possible way to get to this point?

Make Jackie the one who builds the shelter. Take this ineffectual, limp wristed twink and show her the way towards self-sufficiency through trades. Her home was broken beyond repair, so she learns how to fix it on her own. The literal is metaphorical and the metaphorical is literal.

So, now that I've explained:

Why Jackie is gay

Why Jackie fixes houses

Now, "why a service top"?

I touch on it in the text, but I don't think she's solely that. I do think that even after coming out, if she was experimenting with people who weren't Shauna she wouldn't allow herself to be physically vulnerable with them. It would cause a panic attack. She has a very Protestant energy and receiving pleasure as a part of sex would probably give her like 5 different mental breaks.

Jackie doesn't enjoy sex with Jeff (oral and hand stuff count as sex) not just because she's gay, but because she's too self-aware of how she's being perceived to enjoy her body.

On the other hand, she is a chronic people pleaser--though Lazy, so I knew she couldn't jump into this with both feet. If Jackie had slept with the girl in chapter 1 it wouldn't have gone well, and it would have been super awkward and unsatisfying for both parties. It's the envy at seeing Nat enjoying herself, and finally being in a safe space to relax a little that allows her to explore sensuality. Still, I don't think she'd let herself be touched in the same way.

If she had, as planned, shared a room with Shauna at Rutgers, I could see her being in a much more comfortable sexual role. Because Shauna was her safe space. But, I could also see her bringing a lot of her own baggage into that situation, and it quickly becoming toxic. I don't think they'd work romantically out of their "platonic" relationship in school, because it had already broken and festered by the Pilot.

Anyway! That's the impetus for Jackie's dykery. I hope that clarified some things. There are other folks out there who have come away with other, valid, and cool conclusions, but these are the ones I came to with my own research and experience. Thanks again for asking!

[kumakuma-circus]

burning men's soul is the funniest persona thing to me. here's me trying to make sense of the lyrics (mostly under the cut).

"check it out, i'm in the house like carpet"

this line implies that being in the house like carpet is somehow different than being in the house normally because it is. completely unnecessary to specify otherwise. i don't know how being in the house like carpet is different though does it just mean you're not allowed in the bathroom and kitchen.

"and if there's too many heads in my blunt i won't spark it"

my friend pointed out that this is probably meant to be saying "hits" which makes a lot more sense but literally everyone i've seen has written it as heads. and even if it is hits it doesn't really make sense because then he should spark it probably???

"i'll put it in my pocket and save it like rocket fuel 'till everybody's gone, and it's cool"

i don't even know what to say about this one. do people commonly save rocket fuel??? also i don't know if putting a blunt in your pocket is a good idea.

"then i spark it up with my brother. his momma named him moe, but i call him moe lover"

does moe have extreme levels of rizz.

"and he's more than a cover he's a quilt"

all i can think of here is that like. quilts are generally more fancy than covers??? it's still an insane metaphor though.

"and we're putting shit together like the house that john built on the hill"

who is john. why did he build a house on the hill.

"cuz this shit's gonna feel like velvet, turtle"

this line is fine until he says turtle. which is probably just to rhyme with the next line but i feel like there's a better way to do that then just. randomly saying turtle.

"my style fits tighter than a girdle"

oh wow a sensical line for once. shocking.

"if ya hate it then you can just leave it, like beaver"

okay we're back to nonsense. why is he talking about beavers. are beavers well known for leaving??? i again think this is just to rhyme with the next line but i also again think there's a better way to execute that-

"cuz in a day or two, i'll make you a true believer in me"

okay sure. another sensical line. even if it still doesn't have anything to do with beavers-

"'cause like the alphabet, you'll 'c'"

okay that's. actually a decent line for once. pff.

"that 'ism kicks a rhyme not your everyday soliloquy"

???

"like chef boyardee, my rhymes are truly cookin'"

chef boyardee literally makes canned food that requires next to no cooking. the singer is openly admitting that his rhymes are not, in fact, cooking and i love that.

"peace to matty rich, 'cause he's straight out of brooklyn, new york"

,,, yeah no i got nothing.

"i don't eat pork or swine when i dine"

good for you???

"i drink a cup of kool-aid, not a big glass of wine, or a henn, heine"

this is my favorite line honestly. the lyric is presumably actually meant to be referring to a beer called heineken, which was probably censored for copyright reasons but. they didn't bother trying to censor kool-aid-

"if you have time, then i'll drop rhyme again"

please don't.

[quietbluejay]

The Buried Dagger 1

OKAY mortarion time ….i forgot this was the book with purple prose and i had to go back in terror to make sure I didn't accidentally buy a McNeill novel again i did not, this is thankfully (?) someone else

I'm trying to figure out what about this pushes it into "Wow Edgy" rather than being genuinely compelling well actually this isn't too bad, to be honest, it's really the next bit which is that the population of ynyx (and WHAT a name) doesn't have mouths "the cold ember of his familiar, obdurate resentment" I feel like I'm being unfair to the book by feeling bathos instead of pathos but i think it's that everything is so over the top

wait what year was this written Mortarion is literally breathing in the chemicals 2019 I'm now going to suffer from the belief that the writer of this was listening to Radioactive (due to this plus some other things) and now I've got it stuck in my head

i want to take this seriously but i just can't, I'm sorry no one understands meeeeeeeee owo uncomfortable memory surfaces

i will say this, the prose is quite evocative

ok so mort has a giant chip on his shoulder and is an enormous misanthrope but just about every single person who has ever been in a position of authority over him DOES just use him as a tool

boy did he choose the wrong side of the war

tumblr has poisoned my mind regarding "the horrors" so it feels like "every day mortarion gets emails" mortarion: hm maybe i should get rid of the daemon and also all the stuff i used to summon him and go back to normal warfare

holy shit holy shit he really is his father's son also hey uhhh mortarion do you remember that whole slippery slope speech you gave at Nikaea about literally this exact topic

the irony is killing me you're killing me, Reaper of Men, and I'm not even a man the manreaper of….justice (????) is unisex oh yeah i forgot to bring it up but Mort calling Magnus an "arrogant braggant" fills my salty soul with glee

morty continues to try out for that fantasy villain role i think i'm warming up to the prose though

im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals- im breathing in the chemicals-

i think swallow's cd kept skipping while he wrote this

this is the third time he's breathed in the chemicals

it's totally not a ritual, honest! okay, this is a cool fight scene mortarion can be cool in a fight, as a treat

lmao

yes. this is funny to me. Mortarion is just so done with this whole thing Mort: why did i get sent on this sidequest rip typhon killstealing

mortarion would really like to be starring in a different genre oh no cursed idea my thought was "what genre would be funniest to put him in" which was followed by "this is our get-along harem protagonist" but it's mort and rob idk at the end of godblight they got yeeted my next thought was magical girl anime he's the dark magical girl's mascot creature he is having friendship! just hdu call him and the magical girl friends

typhon plotting out how to ambush mortarion with a hug

uhhhhhh

typhon: yeahhhh better not bring up the Fallen honestly typhon feels like one of the most intelligent characters in the series! ….huh why weren't the dark angels at Terra

dude and then typhon internally cackles evilly like a kids show villain everything is going according to keikaku does your brain on nurgle turn you into snidely whiplash?

Mortarion what the heck

normal behaviour to go along with the poison drinking or breathing in the chemicals and breathing in the chemicals- and breathing in the okay i'll stop

literally everyone on the ship is choking but typhon that was fast owo flashback time

okay so his evil dad (the first one) sent him out with golems to fight other golem things from other evil overlords as a test of some kind this is just his entire life, huh

oh lovely like wow the only reason mortarion's alive is that he's a primarch the abuse is kind of getting to ridiculous angst-fic levels and yet the way it's written is genuinely compelling? probably because he's not actually a normal human so it is survivable and not ridiculous but it is kind of walking on that line thrown to starving dogs when he was a toddler like

this really is his entire life huh

annnnd also Necare experimented on him with poison what next did necare give him a dog and then kill the dog in front of him we're starting to get into bathos here

the last bit of this scene is, yeahh

a bit. on the overwrought side.

The book is tap dancing on the line which is to be honest, making me sad i really want this to be good :/

if it's going to go all the way into goofy, i want it to go all the way so i can mock it if it's going to be half hard hitting and half goofy it feels like im pulling back to punch a small child this book also unfortunately has some kind of subplot on earth with a bunch of rando characters and also, unfortunately, Garro

oh this is i guess foreshadowing for what's going to happen to the death guard? so garro's friend got hit by an evil knife and unlike guilliman he did not have plot armour

so garro is working with a bunch of other dudes who defected from the traitor legions secretly working for malcador oh, and a psyker ultramarine

oh wait psyker ultramarine met garro on calth??? what??? how did he get to calth and back what is a timeline (i should be fair and stop banging on about this since i have not actually read the relevant books. at least I assume this has to be covered in a book I didn't read)

oh yeah sure let's undress the catatonic chained up woman oh she's a sister of silence my beloved

okay so context she had her name and serial number tattooed under her collarbone so. i guess that was more important??? apparently??? they did not take off the chains they just snapped them off of the wall and basically pushed her to start walking you couldn't just. pick her up??? wouldn't that be faster?? okay this was funny malcador sends an illusion of himself across the planet

I'm rolling my eyes

this is the guy running the imperium

does he have nothing better to do also why give them the job in the first place if he's not going to trust them not to "creatively reinterpret" his commands

oh we're back with Teen Mort and he keeps a diary ohhh a bunch of humans are rebelling and attacking

oh it's Teen Typhon meeting Teen Mort

psychic powers time

this is not the time to get angsty also he is kind of a grimdark rapunzel huh

back in the present and apparently mort broods a lot in his room and if you interrupt him he yells at you because of course he does you're interrupting his linkin park listening bluejay note: i love linkin park so i am allowed to make this joke annnd typhon is setting up the navigators on the ship to take the blame oh he just killed them all that was fast and now they're all trapped blind in the warp and typhon is being obviously evil and according to keikaku which is visible to everyone but Mort well tbf to Mort, he's very angry at Typhon for killing the navigators so he's probably missing stuff

typhon: this lifeboat is full of leeches just trust me typhon: throws it overboard

back in the past, Mort successfully rescues the spunky teens but his dad is coming so he tells them to get out while they can and then has his disney princess song realization that it's time to stand up for himself and he'd do it all again! and face his dad! and dieeeee okay the last bit isn't disney princess …ah

ah mort: wait, that's an option??? rip his hair is getting in his eyes i hate when that happens

okay this is a cheesy line but it's working here

okay i made the joke before about mortarion being the kind of guy who likes to stand on cliffs/balcony edges and look down but i DIDNT KNOW IT WAS LITERALY DONT STARE INTO THE WARP YOU IDIOT

i. oh boy we get to see an emperor-mort interaction

i think the emperor is….actually trying here? but what the emperor is trying to say here is not what mort took from it

[delaneytalks-tostatues]

do you have any thoughts on podcast characters and scene queen songs you'd like to share? :)

OH BOY DO I this will not be as put together as the Chappell and Pasithea one because I haven't sat down and written this out before:

Sophie Green would absolutely LOVE Milf, she'd think it's the funniest shit and also "wrote my duck into a song made the genre change // big shotgun cock 'cause you know I've got range" is SUCH a her lyric

She would also be a big fan of Pink Panther and Pink Hotel i think. And Pink Whitney.

Jane would not actually be a SQ girlie realistically I don't think, but Pink Push-up Bra, Pink Barbie Bandaid, and The Rapture (but it's Pink) are Jane songs

Moving on from Pasithea, Captain Isabel Lovelace, the woman that she is 🥰🥰🥰🥰 Pink Whitney, Pink Barbie Bandaid, The Rapture (but it's Pink), Pink Rover, Pink Push-up Bra, Pink Paper--actually you know what Lovelace is just the entire discography tbh, it's the absolutely Unbridled (and justified) Rage--

Hera would probably not want to admit it but she enjoys when Lovelace plays Scene Queen. (I think as she starts to understand music as an emotional outlet she consumes as much of it as she possibly can but that's another conversation.

Moving on from Wolf, Gwen Hartley and Bell Summers I think get a kick out of Barbie and Ken. It's a fun little duet for them!

[letyukisayfuck]

hey!! i really like your blog and all of your thoughts about haruhi the franchise are so interesting but what I'm curious about is how do you feel about koizumi in general? you speak about him very rarely but he's my fav character and you're my fav tumblr account so far so i wanna hear it if you have something to say about him ahah

aaaaaa thank you! i'm glad people like my particular brand of nonsense and screaming loudly into what i initially thought was a void. gotta say, being called someone's favorite tumblr is an honor i never thought i would receive from anyone

so yeah, i mostly talk about koizumi on here to give him shit, but honestly that's partially because i find it funny that after mikuru gets promoted from being nothing more than the universe's punching bag he basically takes her place in terms of 'character that suffers for comedy' (see: random numbers and seven wonders in particular), and partially because the text gives us very little of him seemingly being genuine without some level of bullshit attached to it.

like i said yesterday, i don't dislike any of the brigade; koizumi would probably be classed as my least favorite, but it's not so much because i dislike him and more because he never gets the narrative focus that would bring him up to the same level as mikuru

we never really get something that eqates to love at first sight or the melancholy of mikuru asahina for koizumi, and certainly nothing on the level of disappearance or intrigues (which i would argue are the yuki and mikuru spotlight novels, respectively)

(melancholy and surprise i would class as haruhi spotlights, one before and one after her character development; and sigh i would class as 'establishing material that is necessary but not exactly fun to sift through for the most part')

i like to think if we ever get another long-form book it'll be koizumi-centric, mostly because i'd like to see him actually get to be a major player! it's getting a little sad to watch kyon hear him go "maybe i wanted to time travel" and just go "i mean what could koizumi possibly want from me"

but really, the only koizumi spotlight we have is the tempo loss bishop exchange--which, notably, while i take it as canon (as it was authorized) was not by tanigawa; if i remember right, it was instead written by sou sagara

i read a fan translation, as there's never been an official release and my relationship with the official haruhi translations is reasonably antagonistic on a good day, and i think it's worth noting that for the first page and a half i didn't think there would be a plot. i thought it was just koizumi's philosophical bullshit, novelized.

that said, it was really fun to read something from his perspective (kind of like how editor in chief gives us insight into yuki and mikuru via their writing styles; but more direct)

so, before i get into my own thoughts (which i believe i've touched on before), it's worth noting that while the entire cast of haruhi can be easily read a variety of ways, koizumi is arguably the easiest to do this with because we get so little to work with in terms of "things we know to be true"

things we know for sure are true about koizumi: north high student (presumably a teenager), esper, works for a mysterious organization, considered attractive/popular (unless i'm misremembering something), has explicitly stated that he's always putting on an act but has never clarified how much and in exactly what way, earnestly offers advice but often contradicts himself, claims to be able to read haruhi's mood/emotions/something along those lines, and (in the later books) has made a hobby out of trying to convince kyon to deal with his very obvious romantic feelings for haruhi

my own reading of koizumi is biased by my readings of other characters and their relationships/dynamics; and it's also specifically the one i think is the funniest option: koizumi has a thing for both kyon and haruhi, is aware that neither of them views him the same way (with haruhi viewing him solely as a subordinate and only really paying attention when he's saying things she wants to hear, and kyon seemingly regarding him as a friend as well as a source of useful information, but hardly even willing to acknowledge that fact most of the time)

and, since he has accepted that neither of them like him that way but they do very obviously like each other, he's decided that they should get over themselves and get together. unfortunately, kyon's strategy when he hears things he doesn't want to is pretend no one's said anything at all, and so koizumi's words go ignored

[coraniaid]

For the fic ask game, 5, 10, 20 please!

Fanfiction author ask game

5) The fic you’re most proud of writing?

I think the answer has to be Coexist, my season 3 rewrite.

It was the first fic I started writing in the Buffy fandom; it's the (completed) fic that took me the longest to finish [the first chapter was posted in February 2021, but I'd been planning it and drafting it for a while before then, and the last chapter wasn't posted until April 2023]; it's (by some distance) the longest single fic I've written [it's a bit over a quarter of a million words long].

And, now that I've had some time to think about it, I think it holds up pretty well? There are certainly a few sections I'd be tempted to rewrite slightly, and probably some bits which I should have just edited away, and (because I hadn't quite planned things out in as much detail as I thought I had) there's a few moments where the wider timeline doesn't quite work [secondary characters will say things that are meant to be cryptic references to events that I later decided hadn't happened yet], but overall I think I did a pretty good job capturing the story I'd been daydreaming about for a while. I'm still really pleased with the chapters The Price, Reactions and Undertow in particular, and I think the overall story is surprisingly coherent, both structurally and thematically, for something I spent more than two years writing.

10) Best/funniest comment you’ve ever gotten on a fic?

It still kind of amazes me whenever I get ... well, any comments at all, really, but especially comments that take the story I've written seriously as something worth engaging with and analyzing? I'm especially grateful to anybody whose leaves detailed comments or reviews on each chapter as they go, or who leave additional comments to point out things they noticed or enjoyed on a reread (not naming any names but you know who you are). Not to be sappy, but those are the types of comments that I go back and reread when I'm struggling with writing something new and trying to motivate myself to finish a difficult section.

Funniest comments, in hindsight, are the reactions to ... well, there is a certain chapter about a third of the way into Coexist where a Thing happens. I remember being really nervous about posting that one, and I still feel a little guilty if anyone really did stop reading at that point, but looking back the reactions (which included repeated variants on things like "damn" and "what the fuck?" and "I'm so angry right now" and "... ow :(" and "this is some real game of thrones shit") are exactly what I was going for.

20) Hardest character to write/get the characterization correct for?

I think Jenny Calendar is basically impossible to write 'correctly' because she just doesn't have a consistent characterisation in canon (is she a capable practicing technopagan who has a perspective on the supernatural that challenges Giles' own assumptions, or is she Giles' cool teacher girlfriend who helps with research in the library but is hurt and betrayed when the magical side of Giles' past endagers her safety, or is she a walking racist stereotype who [sort-of, somehow] betrayed Giles and Buffy [in ways that never quite make sense] and who has the bad luck to be written by a group of writers who ... well, let's just say that Angel doesn't ever attribute his soul to a Romani curse).

I don't think you can really reconcile those three contrasting versions of the character -- at least not in a way that I personally find satisfying -- so you just have to pick one to be the 'real' version and gloss over the other stuff as best you can. (And I think my summary above makes it clear which version of Jenny Calendar I like.)

[hms-no-fun]

14 again, but this time “Meat or Candy” interpreted as narrative philosophies rather than the halves of the epilogues

aghhh this is so mean!!! i've always read the meat/candy dichotomy as sides of the same coin rather than two discrete narrative philosophies, and homestuck itself as a structural exploration of various ways to balance/unbalance the split. picking between one or the other is like picking between air & water!

i certainly write godfeels with an eye towards finding a balance. serious drama needs to be offset by goofy comedy, cool anime fight scenes need to be offset by cursed bullshit or drydick exposition. chapter 8 especially is meant to be a tonal roller coaster. 'the shadows left behind' for instance is an almost 40,000 word long section about a depressed idea slowly clawing back personhood from their out of control death drive. there's murder attempts, there's suicide attempts, there's gore, there's psychological torture-- it's some of the heaviest shit i've ever written! and yet that same chapter also contains some of the funniest shit i've ever written. a story like this NEEDS that kind of variation to maintain reader interest, otherwise you get bogged down in seriousness or get so sucked up into lightheartedness that you lose all sense of substance.

like that's very much the reason ch8 ends with an epilogue full of jargon and exposition and obtuse metaphysics. i knew, at the close of ch8 act 5, that we were finally opening the door to what i consider The Good Shit. but it wouldn't be right to jump straight from that endpoint to where 3.2A begins. from an archival reading perspective, you need a palate cleanser to pull you back out from the thick of it and re-examine everything that just occurred from the outside. within the rest of ch8 there is a constant ebb and flow between meat tendencies and candy tendencies; what the epilogue reveals is that it was all candy in some sense, because it was functionally one extremely long action scene. it does this by serving as the meaty parallel, something much closer in tone and purpose to the author-insert sections of homestuck proper. it's meant to feel tedious and tantalizing at the same time, something you have to eat slowly and chew on to properly digest after the insane fast pace of [s] saturday. and even the epilogue swings back and forth between funny and serious! it's meat/candy all the way down!!

i suppose like any red-blooded american of the toonami generation, i have the most fun as a writer when i'm indulging myself in the candy of dumb anime bullshit. most of 'the shadows left behind' was back-constructed from the scene where Dare's "body" gets impaled and cut to shreds by X and they just keep walking towards it anyway. especially that moment where X tries to swallow them a second time, and Dare grabs it by the jaws and throws it off-- that whole sequence popped into my head and suddenly it clicked for me, oh shit, Dare is the secret shonen anime protagonist of godfeels! everything beforehand was a prelude to that moment when June really sees Dare for the first time, asks if they're real, and they shout defiantly, YES!!!

probably every writer does this to an extent, where they write towards some cool/interesting shit they can't get out of their head. there's a temptation to just go there, just get to the good stuff, because ultimately it's what you're there for and you KNOW the audience is gonna lap it up. but if you give in to that temptation and just string together all those keystone moments with bare-minimum bridging material, you paradoxically rob those moments of all their meaning and energy. did 'the shadows left behind' need to be 40,000 words long in one go? probably not. but i don't think the final culmination of that story would have hit nearly as hard otherwise.

you need meat to sell the candy. i wanted 3.2 A1 for instance to be much shorter than it wound up being, because god damn it i want to get to The Good Shit already!! but i realized very quickly that everything i wanted to get to would be poorly served by a cast of characters whose reasons for participating are murky at best. so i decided to invest in more of those meaty chapters between jade and various characters, which themselves needed their own fluctuating balance between meat tendencies and candy tendencies. from a structural standpoint it sort of becomes a meat/candy fractal, as each subdivision of each narrative unit has to maintain the same relative push-pull frequency that the entire fic as a whole does. does that make sense? i have no idea if that makes sense lmao.

anyway that's my take on the meat/candy split. hope it was satisfying u_u

[leminhthinking]

"add something, if youd like" ok, here is something i used a throwaway account to comment on the Double MV. i didnt reread so i didnt remember anything about it sorry but there probably is mention about internalized ableism. also personal experience. its kinda shaped like a rant

posting it here now that i came out about being plural here. yeah.

tldr (theres another tldr at the end of it but it was from the time i commented and i want to add something else here) i love representations

I keep finding myself wanting to comment something under this video, but I know I'll say stuffs about myself that I feel would be unsafe to share using my main so I'm using this throwaway account to do it instead 😔

I just want to say that I'm so grateful that Mikoto and John (and maybe other alters in their system too? saying this just in case) were ever written. Being a system who had just discovered that only over a year ago, I can almost see myself, no, I can almost see *us* in every part of their story up until now. And in a way, I feel like I've also... grown with them? If that makes sense?

I have been following MILGRAM for quite a while, enough to be there when MeMe was just released. Back then, I still thought that I was certainly a singlet (didn't have DID), despite how one of my alters - I will refer to her as my sister from now - showed up pretty regularly at the time. That's why when I watched MeMe, I remember thinking to myself, "oh shit, this guy's just like me, and because [insert internalized ableism here] I'm saying he guilty then." But then we all know what's got confirmed 😂 Funniest thing is, a short while before that, I also came to term about being a system. Dammit, to think about it, it felt like a second confirmation 😭😭😭😭

Now that I have accepted who we really are, the release of Double and their second voice drama feels exceptionally special to me, as the host of our system. John and Mikoto's situation right now really reminds me of us last year. My sister and I specifically, respectively. At that time, I tried hard to deny the fact that I am not alone in my head, and that we are entirely separate people. It took me a while (with a few tarot spreads. fuck. I'm a Mikoto kinnie now) to know that we actually are... and some actual, honest conversations to know that she actually loved me, rather than wanting to harm me... Yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm talking about? That's why I'm really rooting for Mikoto and John to have better communication... Ah, maybe if Mikoto watched "his" own second trial MV, he would understand...

That being said, I'm still not sure on what to vote... When I first watched Double and listened to the second voice drama, I thought to myself, ouch, ok, guilty because John clearly seems to be the alter who knows more right now and that would keep him fronting more to interrogate. But after a while, my opinion... changed? I don't want Mikoto to be affected too much from the verdict and maybe going dormant because of that. John maybe still there for the interrogation but fuck, I don't think he's ever been without Mikoto for a long time and I'd hate to see his heart breaks. Maybe innocent is the better solution after all for the whole system, as it might soothe Mikoto's mood and his mindset. I also trust that MILGRAM's writer team know what they are doing and therefore would not "kill off" John. Maybe they will just let him be inactive for a while if they are voted innocent, given that he's finally satisfied with our decision...

(Yes, I do know innocent = forgiven and guilty = not forgiven and I'm deciding while knowing that. I'm just calling them innocent and guilty because I'm more used to it while speaking in English.)

Hmm, that was a longer rant than I expected. I don't know how to conclude really, so I'll say something that would sound entirely unrelated 😔 If I remember correctly, prisoners can hear us audiences right? If that's really true, I just want to scream to Mikoto and John that it's 100% ok to be a system! To not be alone inside your mind! To exist alongside another person in your system and love them! It's ok to just be yourselves! And please please please fucking find a way to communicate with each other!!!

Once again, thank you MILGRAM for letting them exist... I really hold them so dearly in our heart...

TL;DR: local system getting emotional over Mikoto and John, rooting for them to have better communication.

[daisyvisions]

Some questions for you. Just for fun. No obligation to answer any of these.~ <3

1) What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?

2) What music do you listen to when you write?

3) What time of day do you prefer to write?

4) What is one fic idea that you loved at first but then scrapped?

5) What’s the dumbest thing you’ve written?

6) Have you ever made yourself cry writing a fic?

7) What’s one trope you wouldn’t write, except for money?

8) Do you drink anything when you write? Coffee, tea, alcohol, etc?

9) What is the fic you’re most proud of?

10) What is your fave fic from another writer?

11) What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been inspired by?

12) What’s one genre you’ve never written that you’d like to try?

13) What is the WIP that you are most excited about?

14) Do you have any words/phrases you use habitually? 

15) What grammar mistakes do you always make?

16) Is there a comment of feedback that stands out to you amongst the rest? One that you think of often, remember the clearest, etc.

17) What advice would you give yourself of the past in regards to writing, planning, running the blog, etc?

18) Who is your favourite member to write for and why?

I wanna cry… I've been waiting for someone to ask me a bunch of shit like these tbh HAHAHA OKAY:

What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?

➺ oh man, there’s so many! I can’t seem to recall one that stood out the most BUT readers who comment their fave part always get me because sometimes it’s not even a part I would think someone would get affected by haha! 😆

What music do you listen to when you write?

➺ I definitely like listening to instrumental music specifically asian lo-fi hip hop playlists OR Lana Del Rey’s West Coast but instrumental on repeat mainly because I can never focus on writing when the song has lyrics ✨

What time of day do you prefer to write?

➺ I try either afternoon or after dinner before I sleep! Usually times when I find myself alone and unbothered.

What is one fic idea that you loved at first but then scrapped?

➺ Ooh interesting… I think it was during my Kinktober 2023, I had intended a stripper!au for a member but whenever I would try to think of a basic idea for it, nothing came out so I ultimately scrapped it

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve written?

➺ It was one of my asks for Sunwoo, wherein he times on his phone how fast he can make his girl c*m HAHAHA I looked at it a week or two ago and I just went “…what?” HAHAH 🤣

Have you ever made yourself cry writing a fic?

➺ Sad yes, but cry? not yet! haha mostly me trying to create dialogue in my head and the moment I feel the angsty coming in I just know it’s good (to me at least)

What’s one trope you wouldn’t write, except for money?

➺ not even for money but I can never get behind writing idol!au’s (which is ironic) because I guess it seems too personal to write? vs a made up au and all lol

Do you drink anything when you write? Coffee, tea, alcohol, etc?

➺ coffee when it’s an afternoon writing session OR alcohol when I really need to zone in on writing at night!

What is the fic you’re most proud of?

➺ Hate is a Strong Word series, because it was one of the first that I've done and especially for part 1, the scene wherein they were in the closet, that was in my mind for ages, the one scene that started the story, I saw it come to life through words and I was incredibly proud of myself for that!

➺ Other honorable mentions would probs be my camboy!Haknyeon fic, Screw It In Tight, Forget About It, Not Part of the Mission, generally most of my sangyeon fics bcos I’m biased, and of course my very first fic Dirty Little Secret hehe

What is your fave fic from another writer?

➺ I will die on a hill for Get F*cked by kyufiber, I can't stress that enough and was probably one of the fics that made me start liking hyunjae too

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been inspired by?

➺ Hmm, I can’t say I’ve ever been inspired by something weird! I usually get inspired through sharing ideas / scenario’s with friends, music, or anything nsfw that might pop up on my twitter!

What’s one genre you’ve never written that you’d like to try?

➺ Definitely Royal / Historical AU’s! Setting the tone, the scenery, the research for proper timeline accuracy, I would like to go through that process someday!

What is the WIP that you are most excited about?

➺ I’ve had this idea / outline of a summer series I've been wanting to push out since last year (involving 5 members 👀), it’s nowhere near a WIP but it’s one thing I’m super excited to write about when I get the chance!

➺ but if it was a strict WIP, most like the WIP I’ve got for Jacob coming soon!

Do you have any words/phrases you use habitually?

➺ It’s always gonna be those transition phrases like “as soon as” “instead” and etc that I'm guilty of using akjsdnkajsnd 😭

What grammar mistakes do you always make?

➺ run on sentences…..

Is there a comment of feedback that stands out to you amongst the rest? One that you think of often, remember the clearest, etc.

➺ If we’re talking about one comment, there was one that I still remember the most mainly because the feedback was negative and it didnt make sense to me because I literally wrote a warning on the fic and the person did not see that and proceeded to make the comment when the premise of the story is meant to have a dark tone… 😪 (and I guess I wasnt really in a mood that day so maybe it stuck too because it kinda ticked me off lol)

What advice would you give yourself of the past in regards to writing, planning, running the blog, etc?

➺ Just keep doing outlines, don’t focus on perfecting it. Don’t get too caught up with word count too!

Who is your favourite member to write for and why?

➺ Y’know what? Changmin! At first I just wrote for him normally but when I look back at all the fics I've written so far, his always are the ones I had the most fun writing and in my opinion are some of my personal best!

Thank you so much for sending these in! Seriously I've always wanted to answer questions like these and when I saw this ask I couldn't wait to sit down and write out my answers as soon as I got home! hehe 🤭