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hawkewatching · 1 year ago

Text

Dark Sun (Arthur Harrow x Reader)

Chapter 2: Do You Know Me? (7,014 words)

Previous Links: Chapter 1 (Please check chapter 1 for any warnings and tags if you're interested, they are the same here)

Rated Mature for dark themes and some strong language.

Summary:

"You can walk away if you want, I wouldn’t stop you. But you won’t.”

What happens when he gets close? Do you want to test that? Do you want to test yourself?

A/N: My bad yall I kinda forgor to post, the only thoughts about this fic that I've had for two weeks is about finally finishing the current chapter I'm working on (chapter 15 hits AO3 in a couple of days, if you're waiting on that watch that space). Also I gotta say my favourite part of posting here is picking a slightly tangentially-related pic for the top, I always remember my thought processes for these chapters so they evoke scenes and ideas that I drew upon here. Iirc this chapter was written about July/August 2022, I remembering suffering from mega writer's block while working on this. I suffered so bad to write this one at the time. So enjoy it, enjoy my favourite bad bad man, I'm so in love with him it hurts.

~~~

Why is he here? He isn’t supposed to be here.

The sound of crunching glass immediately strikes fear into you, even if it is only momentary. No amount of exposure to it can make you used to it. Even though you don’t negatively associate the presence that accompanies it, something about how it sounds can never be spun in a positive light in your mind.

You had been previously leaning over a cardboard box of your belongings, packing up and ready to move out of the small flat that you’d previously called home. When you looked behind you, following the sound, you saw a sight that you knew to expect but hadn’t quite prepared for.

Harrow was leaning in your doorway, still holding on to that cane as if it helped at all. He looked exactly the same as when you’d first met him a few days prior, right down to the clothes. You hadn’t forgotten a single thing about him, and you should have welcomed the familiar sight, but something prevented you. You couldn’t remember if you’d ever told him where you lived, and he certainly hadn’t been invited.

You raised an eyebrow, suspicious of his sudden appearance. “Are you going to help or are you just going to watch?” You asked, only half sarcastic.

He tilted his head. “From my understanding it appears that you’ve already done most of the heavy lifting.”

“True, I could have done with you randomly showing up here an hour ago.” That was fully sarcastic, and you looked away from him to close up the box you were handling.

He began to take some steps forward, and you tried to hide your own repulsion to that sound that always followed him. “I apologise, I just wanted to oversee things.” He sounded genuine, but at the same time a little distant, noticing that you still looked at him with distrust.

You narrowed your eyes, watching him as he now stood next to you. The way he looked down at you made for an unintentionally intimidating presence that you refused to back down on. You tried to hide your feelings with a scoff and an unenthused smile. “What’s that supposed to mean? I wasn’t going to bail.”

His smile, which was supposed to be reassuring, only served to further stoke your rebellious flames. “I didn’t think you would.”

Finally, you became serious, unsure of his exact intentions. “I don’t need you to worry about me.” You insisted, but something didn’t seem to convince him.

“It wouldn’t hurt to have me worrying about you.” You were unable to hide your confusion when he put a hand on your shoulder, but it was only momentary when one of his damned smiles began to put you at ease. You didn’t mind him doing that, even if you didn’t understand it.

You could only look at him, not knowing how to reply to that. You didn’t really know what it meant, and didn’t dare ask. Given that context, you somewhat appreciated his unexpected company.

He leaned in and moved forward, with your response immediately being to brace yourself for whatever was to come. However, you were surprised to see him go around you instead. The rasp of his voice was next to left ear.

“It’s not too much further, but don’t get lost, alright?” Harrow asked. The question sounded almost playful, but you didn’t know how to respond to the game.

Pinned to the spot, you didn’t dare follow him with your gaze, but his sounds more than indicated him circling around you. He’d said his part, and you saw him again when he’d finished that lap, returning to where he had been a moment before.

He looked at you with a warm stare, a smile only just present. Your nervousness began to disappear at the sight. For once, you felt able to lower your guard. It felt safe.

What was this? Trust? On both our parts?

You only wished to know why he would do all of this for you, but as always, he was a total mystery. A mystery you hoped this new chapter of your life would solve.

***

Crunch, tap. Crunch, tap. Crunch, tap. Crunch, tap.

Anticipation was already eating at you as it was. That was enough torture for you. You didn’t need the addition of those sounds, which you thought you had escaped, getting to you through the walls. Not even the source being in another room could prevent you from having to experience it all over again.

It had been a week since you’d settled into this place. Your experience so far had been pretty good. Harrow’s promises had turned out not to be empty. Although you were still adjusting, you had found this environment to be welcoming, and the people rather kind. They weren’t like their leader at all, they all seemed… normal. When that realisation hit you, you didn’t feel so out of place anymore, and you had found great comfort in that.

Now, you were waiting in a hallway, the hot sun beaming through the windows straight onto you, not helping the already awkward situation. Directly across from you was the room that Harrow was supposed to be in. Well, there was no doubt that he was in it. You had been told that he wanted to see you, and that never really boded well.

You had already seen him a lot, but never in a context like this. Usually, he came to you. He would do that a lot, actually. You never objected to his company, sometimes you welcomed it. If you were alone, he always made sure that it was never for long. He didn’t seem to do this for other people, and they had noticed. No one had a definitive answer to explain that.

Something about the way he is just doesn’t sit right.

He would just sit with you and listen, but the conversation was awkward. He never talked about himself, and you had a hard time talking about yourself, so it mostly boiled down to talking about whatever seemed to be happening on that particular day. It wasn’t exactly riveting, but it was something? Regardless, you were running out of ground to cover. Something had to give. You knew there was something deeper, he had to have a motivation, but that was totally unknown to you.

He had stopped moving. You sighed loudly, trying to fill the eerie silence with something else. The moment was short-lived though, and almost as quickly as it disappeared you could hear him walking again.

Before you had time to process that, there was a clicking of a lock and one of the large, wooden doors that served as the room’s entrance opened a crack. Through it, you could see half of his face, and half of a warm smile.

“You’re here. Come in.” His enthusiasm surprised you, and you could tell he was happy to see you. You just weren’t sure why.

Once he had finished speaking, he just watched you, waiting for your move. You followed him, deliberately cautious. When you got close to the door, he pulled it open for you, revealing a large room that, while spacious, felt claustrophobic with its low-hanging lights and various items stacked up against the walls from top to bottom.

Harrow was shuffling towards the back, where a corner was stacked with sturdy, waist-high boxes. Littered there were various unknown, shiny objects. Drawn to those like a crow, he didn’t pay you much mind for a moment. You’re unable to find the same fascination, but everything around you looks alien to you.

You looked away from him for only a moment to try to better understand your surroundings, but right on cue, he opened his mouth, immediately making you whip your head back around in his direction.

“How are you taking to this place?” The question tumbles out of his mouth innocently. He didn’t even look at you, but somehow, you felt as if he was still staring right through you.

You tried not to let it get to you. “It’s good.” You replied.

He gives a satisfied hum, and for a moment, you’re tricked into thinking that would be all he would say on the matter. Before you can get comfortable, he takes a sharp breath that sets the tone. “Is it… helping?” He stares you down, hiding an eagerness for your answer. The pressure was on.

You recognised the way he looked at you. You’d seen it before. He’d looked like that in your first conversation, you remembered the flash in his eyes that he’d tried to hide. The ever-veiled threat.

Don’t be honest, tell him everything is fine.

You ignored the pleas of your own mind. Dismissed it as paranoia. You could trust him, or at least, you wanted to. For better or for worse, he had compelled you to be honest, but in your shame, you couldn’t look at him. “It’s too soon to say, I think.”

When you picked up the courage to glance his way again in the silence that followed, you could tell that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. His unblinking stare, the way his hands seemed to grasp tighter around that cane, all set off your mind’s warning sirens. But nothing on his expressionless face portrayed that. It appeared almost as a blank canvas, preparing to paint whichever response he deemed most appropriate.

Whatever plan he had, he’s changing it.

Your curiosity got the better of you. “What is all of this, anyway?” The question slips out of your mouth before you have time to fully evaluate the situation, your eyes darting around the room at all of the strange objects.

“Just items I’ve collected in my research.” He replied coolly, picking up an object that flashed gold in the light so brightly that you couldn’t quite tell what it was. “Most of these things are dead ends, but I find there’s no harm in keeping them, just in case.” He handled it with great care, carefully placing it back down. It didn’t quite match with the disinterested tone of his voice.

“And what about all of those?” You pointed to the back wall of the room, where some large - your first instinct was to call them boxes - but they were much more elaborate than that, were shoved into the corner, as if hidden. The longer your eyes lingered on them, the more you were able to discern that their size and shape seemed disturbingly human.

That idea didn’t make you totally comfortable, but you kept a cool head. Your better instinct, starting to understand his antics, knew to give him nothing to work with. You couldn’t let him have control of the game.

He didn’t even look at the subject of the conversation. His eyes instead locked with yours, the corner of his mouth twitching with indecision.

I’ve got you.

You could tell he knew how to pick his battles, but in choosing not to respond he had also admitted defeat. You had managed to call him out, and while that was a small personal victory, it was quickly followed with the realisation that your first examination must have been correct, and the implications were staggering. You could almost respect his ability to always come out on top in these conversations, if you weren’t the one always losing.

Under the weight of that realisation, your voice became hesitant. “Those aren’t what I think they are.”

Finally, he found his smile. “That would depend on what you think they are.” Now you’d given him something. Harrow leaned forward on his cane, completely calm. You thought you had caught him, but the indifference hadn’t shifted one bit. “I didn’t kill any of them, you know.” He stated.

You scoffed with sarcasm. “Yeah, sure.”

He wandered over to the bodies, brushing a hand over the nearest one. “You’d be surprised how many ancient Egyptians were buried with objects of immense value.” His words were a little quieter than usual, as if his mind was distracted.

You dare to take a step closer, standing next to him and looking down at his hand, now tracing the shape of what you assumed to be legs. “Went for a spot of grave robbing, did you?” You felt daring, confidence boosted by your minor win, and sought to further touch a nerve in him, but it didn’t seem to have any effect.

“I suppose you could say that. It made for some fascinating adventures, really.” He gave a small smile, and looked sentimental. You assumed that the thoughts that had made him distant in the moment were driven by nostalgia, and chose, despite the temptation, not to judge. He seemed to snap back into reality, a much more focused gaze now directed back at you. “But I’m past that point now. There’s not much exploring left to do.” He said that with real conviction, leaving you with no more questions.

The way he looked at you made you feel awkward, and you continued to apply the sarcasm. It was the only way you could express your distaste. “That’s great, I’m sure those dead people would prefer to remain undisturbed.”

You almost envied his ability to take all of the criticism levied at him without as much as a complaint. You had insulted just about everything he stood for and he didn’t seem to care one bit. He couldn’t be swayed.

That can only mean that he hides a terrifying level of commitment. You should be afraid of that.

You ignored your own thoughts, dismissing your own imagination as just overactive. You knew this already, yet you were still here.

Harrow was, as you knew him to be, unflappable. You could see the side of his face, and a smile creeping up it. “It’s all for a good cause. After all, if you try to hide something, it will always be found, eventually.” His face darkened during his last sentence, the instant seriousness putting you on edge. He turned, slowly but suddenly, and caused you to flinch as his intense gaze sliced through you. “They simply had it coming.”

You felt thoroughly intimidated, and tried to deconstruct his possible motivations, for you knew he’d wanted this response from you. It seemed like a reminder that you were playing with fire, and you were so, so close to being burnt.

Does he know something? Who am I kidding, he ALWAYS knows.

You suddenly began to remember how you even ended up here. Of course he wanted you for something. “Why did you want to see me?” You asked cautiously.

He seemed amused by that, as if you should have known the answer yourself. “I just wanted to talk. Properly. We haven’t been able to do that just yet.” Harrow tilted his head. The friendly sincerity that had followed him on the first night you’d met him had properly returned.

You gave him a look of confusion. “It’s not like we haven’t spoken-”

“Speaking and talking are two different things.” He cut you off, and while glancing down on you in a condescending manner, his tone doesn’t change, making for a creepy contrast. “You don’t seem very interested in doing the latter.”

Is this… impatience?

That seemed out of character for him. Curiosity began to get the better of you again, even though you seemed convinced that it would assure your downfall. You had a desire to outplay his games, but the line between beating him and playing into his hands was becoming increasingly blurred.

You gave a crafty smile, but spoke as if disinterested. It was the kind of contrast you could pick on, so you had no doubt in your mind that he had observed it too. “It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s that I don’t know how to.”

And you fucking scare me.

“Well, how about a lesson?”

The way he looked at you and the way he asked made him sound so innocent, but the demand was hidden under there. You couldn’t say no to him, even though you knew you should. It didn’t seem like an option.

“What would that be?” You asked, trying to suppress your feelings,

You couldn’t take his eyes off of him as he began to approach you, locked in place. Whatever was coming, you had to accept it. This was what he had wanted.

You only hoped he wasn’t asking too much of you.

He scoffed, a small smile forming. He acted like the answer was obvious. “You have to learn to accept help.” He leaned down a little to get on your level. “I am trying to help you.”

Perhaps it was the way he looked at you, that stare that always made you nervous. Or perhaps it was that he had all the energy of a teacher scolding a child. Something about his offer didn’t work for you. You gritted your teeth in annoyance. “You’re not doing a very good job of it.”

Your comment amused him, but he only lets that be known for a flash before he turned more serious. “That’s because it’s a two-way street. If you give me nothing, I can’t give you anything either.”

“What do you want from me, then?”

You expected his intentions to be suspicious. Every time you felt like you could trust him, he did something to change your mind, and you could tell he was doing all of this because he wanted something. There had to be an ulterior motive.

He gave an exasperated sigh, as if your questioning had tired him out. “I just want you to talk to me. That’s all I want. Nothing else.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to reply, only watching as he stared right through you, as if waiting. For the first time, you weren’t objecting to his games out of choice, but out of confusion, totally clueless on what your next move should be.

Your silence must have surprised him, as he scoffed, but the advance warning did not prepare you for the volume of the chuckle that followed. “I want to know how to help you, I want to know how to fix your problems, and I want to see you more.” A relieved smile formed after his words.

He means it.

Despite your racing mind, you didn’t give away any emotion, and forced something, anything out of your mouth. “Why?” You asked softly.

Harrow looked towards the window for a beat, head tilting as he seemed to think. When the words came to him, he faced your way again, and you observed that he’d dropped the seriousness and the distance. There was something warm about his energy. He no longer looked past you, but at you. “Because letting you go would be a waste. A waste of someone good. Not just for the world, but…” He let out a long, drawn-out sigh, purposefully delaying the rest of his words. “For me.”

Suddenly, everything began to make sense. Somehow, this outcome had never crossed your mind. You hadn’t expected it. Perhaps you’d thought too much of him.

He’s not helping me, he’s helping himself?

You couldn’t help but wonder if all of this had been for his own ends. That you had simply been used. All of the promises he had made to you felt hollow. It made you feel sick. This was a trap.

In your confusion, you hesitated before getting your words out, nearly choking on them. “Do I really need to be here, or did you just want me to be here?”

The way he looked at you hadn’t changed, but in a new context he still appeared as distant as ever, even with the still-present smile.

Fuck! How does he feel nothing? He has to know what he’s done.

He straightened himself up a little, looking down on you. “That’s entirely up to you. You can walk away if you want, I wouldn’t stop you. But you won’t.” The smile seemed to more naturally fit to a newfound smug confidence, certain that he had read you like a book.

His conviction in your own feelings disgusted you. “You don’t know me.” You scowled.

He hummed, almost in agreement. “I know all of this is helping you.”

A tidal wave of emotions was overcoming you, too many too quickly to decide on one. It was the opposite to Harrow, calm and firmly decided on whatever that strange mind had settled on. You began to raise your voice: “Do not pretend to know me. How do I know you’re not acting selfishly? I-”

Knock, knock.

You gave a loud sigh, the knocks having completely ruined your train of thought. You could see, as always, that he was giving you nothing. Even now, when you’d tried to make an impact, you couldn’t break through his defences.

There’s a flash of irritation in his eyes at the idea of being interrupted, but as soon as a woman appears at the door, another disciple, it disappears. He appears to immediately understand the importance of whatever is to come.

“We just heard back from our contact in the Alps. They’ve agreed to your terms for the exchange.”

“That’s great news. Thank you.” His smile is warm and genuine, but the woman seems to register a subtle indication that his matter with you is private and swiftly leaves. He stared at the door, left ajar, his mind far more focused on the news he had just received.

After a beat of no response, he slowly approaches the door.

Crunch, tap. Crunch, tap. Crunch, tap. Cr-

Harrow slammed the door shut, turning to you now with a different expression. His eyes narrowed and darkened, and his offence was clear. For a moment, you felt something shift in the air. For the first time, you truly felt his power. You didn’t know the extent of it, as far as you’d seen and heard, it was stronger than it seemed, and the mystery of that was too much to bear. Anxiety suddenly began to eat at your stomach, afraid of his next move.

“Don’t assume I’m acting selfishly.” He growled, but in the span of a breath he had recomposed himself. All of a sudden his expression shifted in the blink of an eye, turning distant, unoffended. The same as usual, especially when you felt those ever-analytical eyes once again staring you down. He was far too good at hiding his feelings, but you wished to never find out again what he could possibly be thinking. He continued softly, thinly veiling a condescending tone: “That's almost insulting. I would never bring you into something that I didn’t think would be good for you.”

In that moment, you realised why he didn’t seem fazed at all by your negative reaction. Somehow, you were still playing his game. This is what he had expected. You were cornered, at this point, and the only solution left was to follow your heart, hoping that would help you escape.

He knows your heart.

“Forgive me for the insult.” You said sarcastically, not caring how he would respond, but still observing his unblinking gaze that didn’t even seem to register your comment. It unnerved you, and you folded your arms in an attempt to preserve your deteriorating defiant act. “I wouldn’t have that problem if I actually knew who the hell you were.”

He tilted his head with a smile, your words seeming to have the opposite of their intended effect on him. “I see how it is. It’s a matter of trust. That’s a starting point.” He sat down across from you, fingers stroking the head of the cane as he held it between his legs. That seemed to be a subconscious act, because his gaze did not once break from you. “Tell me, why don’t you trust me?”

You hated how genuine his question was, because you had long learned the lesson that always, somehow, Harrow already had every answer he ever needed.

“You already know.” You spat.

“I might.”

You gave him a nasty look for that comment, your contempt too great to suppress.

He responded to your stare with one of his own, but as per usual, he was seemingly immune to your efforts, continuing on as if your gaze hadn’t interrupted him. “I want to hear it from your perspective. Lay it all out.”

You raised an eyebrow, finding yourself leaning sideways on a table, sick of standing. “Only if you do the same.”

He paused for a moment, taking the time for a slow blink. You imagined that the gears of his mind must have been turning at your proposal, but his face did everything in its power to hide that. The silence betrayed the truth, though. With a deep breath and a shuffle as he straightened himself up, almost mirroring you as he leaned forwards and balancing on his own cane, he had prepared his answer.

“That seems reasonable.”

I didn’t expect that.

Even though you were surprised, you’d already rehearsed in your mind what you’d say to him. You’d been doing that for a week. You tried to take a trick out of his book and not betray that you had to think a little, though. With him, you knew that one wrong word and he’d play around it so expertly you’d never get this chance again. “Alright. I don’t trust you because I don’t understand you.”

He tilted his head in an almost adorable display of curiosity. “What don’t you understand?”

“Anything.” Your frustration started to come through as you spoke. “Why you are the way that you are.”

For a moment, he glanced away from you again, something you assumed to be a tell when he didn’t quite know what to say. When he spoke, any sense of uncertainty disappeared. He didn’t appear to be capable of seeming unsure. “There are some things in this world far beyond any of us, and if one was to cross paths with such things, they could break you in ways most of us could only imagine to be possible. For me, that happened long before all of this.” Although it was out of your field of view, you could hear him softly tap his cane against the wood.

You took a moment to process his words, suddenly brimming with curiosity. “What do you mean?”

He gave a dry chuckle. “You’ll probably find it unbelievable.”

Despite everything you had seen, your mind’s first instinct was to believe that he was simply making excuses, trying to dodge the question. He hadn’t been open about it in the past, which had only made you want to know more. There was something hidden in his heart that he was teasing you with. You snorted, dwelling on his words again. “Try me.”

This time, there was no telling moment of pause, his stare cutting right through you. “I was once under direct servitude of a god, who used that position to abuse me. He broke me completely, then left me all alone to pick up the pieces.”

His bluntness on this topic surprised you. This was a lot to throw in so quickly, and it seemed like he knew that.

“I was stuck, trapped fighting a worthless cause for years, all while the voice inside my head tried its hardest to bend me to its will. I was forced to commit unspeakable acts of violence, all in the name of real justice.” He spat those last words, face twisting to one that appeared to be of genuine disgust and pain. For the first time, the Harrow you knew looked somewhat vulnerable. “It never was. Hurting the people who deserved that after the fact never stopped any more pain from being inflicted.”

Guilt. You felt his, and the sudden appearance of your own. He had this appearance of something untouchable, and while you always knew it to be a carefully crafted image, it had achieved its intended effect. Hidden under all of that was something that was hurting a lot. More pain that you felt you could possibly understand. There was a real, deep history here. Even with how crazy it all sounded, you could tell by the way that he felt that it all had to be true. And that meant…

You had to stop yourself from speaking while your thoughts caught up, looking right at him as you saw his face slowly recover from the feelings that had taken over it before. “Everything this group believes…” These tales of gods aligned with everything you’d been hearing, and you knew what that meant. “It’s all real, isn’t it?”

“As real as you and me.” He found a smile again, standing up. His feet shifted on the glass, which must have brought some pain, but he didn’t show it. ”I knew you’d come around eventually. We have an opportunity now to correct our mistakes.”

As he took another step closer, you watched him carefully, eyes narrowed with suspicion. “I think you mean your mistakes.”

“No. We’re all guilty.” He replied with total confidence, his voice once again shifting into something more serious. “Why are you here, really? You’ve made mistakes, haven’t you?” His questioning was a bit too antagonising for your tastes.

You didn’t say anything, knowing full well that you were both aware of the answer.

“For some of us, it’s not too late to walk a better path. You’ve got room for a second chance.” There was something reassuring to his words, and despite everything about him, you had no reason to doubt that particular statement, but he cut off any chance for a response with a sigh. “For myself, it’s not as clear. But you never know if you don’t try, do you?”

The talk of himself piqued your interest again. “I don’t get it. Why claim to fight all evil yet preach about second chances? If your actions were so unspeakable, why do you go unpunished?”

For a moment, he doesn’t give any reaction at all, seemingly thrown off by the question. When the answer comes, it appears with no hesitation. You can tell he’s pondered this question before. “I do punish myself. And on judgement day, if I am deemed unworthy… so be it. I accept my fate.”

He shifted his weight and you heard it. His punishment. The fanatic part of him was showing, you knew it had been hidden somewhere. This talk was insane, and served to remind you why you had been so apprehensive.

He’ll try to make you forget this.

You were so lost in your thoughts that you failed to respond, giving him the green light to not only continue with his words, but to approach until he was standing right next to you. “I’m willing to do that for the people who deserve heaven on earth. All that is required of you here is to be ready and waiting for that day. If you make it…” He put his hand on your shoulder, his warm touch surprising you. “It’ll be a little more worth it.”

There it is.

You felt doubt wash over you, refusing to believe that he spoke the truth. Not only because you didn’t hold yourself that high, but because you found yourself distrustful of his words. They were too kind, especially coming from him.

You could only look up at him, mouth agape. With a sigh, you composed yourself. “I doubt I make that much of a difference.”

He leaned in closer, an advance you did not reject, until his face was close to yours. His watery eyes hadn’t been this close before, and they looked at your own instead of through them. “You undervalue yourself.” He told you almost in a whisper, trying to be reassuring.

His words almost worked, and you giggle at the thought of them being true. “You overvalue me.”

He finds your reply entertaining for a moment, but his face quickly drops, and you can feel a finger or two in your hair. “Maybe. But you seem to think that you don’t matter, which simply isn’t true. People do value you.” He spoke with utter conviction, enough to make the back of your mind believe him.

“And who would those people be?” You questioned, hoping to hear what you knew he was thinking from his own mouth, but when he didn't respond, you realised your mistake. He doesn’t need to say anything, for he knows the same thing that you do: Your question has already been answered.

You took half of a step backwards away from him, and he follows your cue to break away. His face flashes with concern for a moment, and you didn’t miss it. You decided to make your question more specific. “Why do you care so much about me?”

He doesn’t think about his response for very long at all. “That’s a question I don’t know the answer to.”

His bluntness greatly surprised you. Him not appearing to know something surprised you more. “That’s a first.” Your sarcasm is kinder this time, unable to help yourself at making a jab that wasn’t necessarily deserved in your mind.

Of course, he doesn’t care how you’ve spoken, just that you have, and he takes a moment this time to get his words right. “I’ve spent a great deal of my life keeping people at a distance. I have a track record of hurting people in every way imaginable. I think perhaps I’m finally at the point where I’m no longer afraid of that.” Just like when talking about his past, there’s something shockingly sincere in his voice.

You caught onto his wording, hoping that he hadn’t thought that through in the moment. You knew that was a naïve thought. That realisation causes you to betray your concern. “You don’t hurt people anymore?”

“I don’t hurt them as much.” He replied callously.

That does not instil confidence. You wanted to chastise him for such a mindset, or even ask for elaboration, but your first and foremost thoughts are self-centred. “What about me?”

An opportunistic glint in his eye appeared after you asked. Before he even began to speak, you know that this is a moment he had been waiting to pounce on. “That brings me to why I summoned you here. I need to test you.”

“Test me how exactly?” You weren’t sure why you asked, because you already knew full well where he was going.

“The same way that I’m sure you’re familiar with.” The words tumbled out. He seemed much more focused on you, eyes glancing up and down over you. When his gaze calms down, he continues. “You were paying attention before, weren’t you?” He may have smiled, but you couldn’t tell if that was a joke or a threat.

For better or for worse, you remembered everything. “You said you didn’t force this on people.” You replied concernedly.

The proof that you had been listening previously strengthens his conviction. “Sometimes there are exceptions. And I need to know.”

“You need to know what?”

“If I’m right about you.” You could barely hear his words as he took a step closer, half overcome by nervousness and half because he had practically whispered that. He gave you a reassuring smile, but it only appeared for half a second.

You felt frozen as you felt him grab onto your wrists. You had been too busy watching his face to watch his arms, and from the point of contact you vow not to make that mistake again. He was surprisingly gentle and delicate with you, even taking great care to place the cold and strange-feeling cane between your own arms, but you knew from the way he looked at you warmly that this was out of a desire to make you feel comfortable with this process, almost as if he foresaw that you'd be afraid. You wondered if he was like that with everyone in his clutches. Out of pure discomfort, you couldn’t look back at him-

“Don’t look away. Look at me.” There’s no warmness left in his voice. It’s a demand.

You hated how he had basically read your mind. Confused, you felt you had no choice but to obey him. Something was happening, out of the corner of your eye there was movement from his arm and you could feel that cane move in some strange fashion, but his grip on you gradually tightened, and you didn’t dare to disobey him.

After what felt like an eternity, you felt his hold loosen. He breathed a sigh of relief, and then, all of a sudden, before you could react, he went in for a hug. You especially felt the one arm nearly wrap around your next, and his hot breath directly in your ear. “I apologise for all of that. For a moment, I didn’t trust my own judgement. But everything I believed before was right, there is a hope for you here.”

“So I passed?” Your question comes out shakier than you hoped.

“Yes.”

“What would have happened if I had failed?”

He gave you a condescending scoff, and you felt mocked for asking such a question. That was irrelevant to him. “Let’s not dwell on that. You are safe now, and no one will hurt you anymore.”

“Not even you?” You found some of your confidence again to force that question upon him, and you can tell when his smile breaks that it has forced him to think.

Something about all of this does not put your mind at ease. Maybe it’s the fact that you’ve never seen anyone fail the test, or maybe, you remind yourself, it’s because you are knee-deep in the clutches of a cult. Those thoughts are small compared to the main idea running through your head, though.

If I failed, I wouldn’t fit in his standards. I would have to die. He could have killed me. Could he kill me? I’ve never seen him kill anyone. Does he have that in him?

Harrow put a hand on your shoulder again. You now noticed that he seemed to do that a lot. “I will protect you myself. I know now that you’re absolutely worth it.” He had leaned in a little while he spoke, just to add a little more reassurance. You hope desperately that his protection is as valuable as his power. He certainly acted like it was.

You feel a finger brush up against your neck, and the sensation shakes you to your core. In that moment, he feels closer than he ever has before. There’s something so casual in his act, he either didn’t notice this move, or he pretended he didn’t. You already knew it was the latter.

“I hope that we’ve finally cleared up some confusion.” His gaze follows his hand, wandering around your neck until it locks back into your eyes. “Do you understand me?” The question, unlike his last few words, isn’t so kind. Once again, it’s a demand.

No.

“Somewhat.” You lied, knowing that he would not take the truth for an answer.

The way he looks at you suggests that he’s not entirely convinced, but for some unknown reason to you, it doesn’t bother him. “That’s progress. I want…” He pauses for a moment, and you immediately began to fear that a sincere moment was coming. ”something here. I want a deeper kind of relationship. Something that’s more than what we have right now.”

“More than strangers?”

You didn’t intend to be rude, but you didn’t regret your choice of wording. He was, in essence, a stranger that you saw a lot. No matter how much you talked, he was always so distant, as if he wasn’t really on this earth the same way you were. You were never going to be friends, but there was a space to be something else and he’d capitalised on it.

You could tell that he found your response to be harsher than he expected, but he didn’t seem too thrown off by it. You expected that he saw it coming, because he always just knew. The smile he gives almost seems to suggest that he found that funny, but you don’t know what a smile from him means anymore. “More than that, yes.”

In your amusement, you were able to smile yourself for the first time in a while. “I don’t know about that.”

Your own happiness seems to touch him, and continues with his warm words. “I asked you before to take a chance, and you took it. Right now, that’s paying off. All I’m asking you now is to do that again.” In the beats between sentences, you catch his head tilting a little. “You’ve been shutting me out. Please, allow me in.”

You don’t know what to say, feeling more lost for words than you had been before. You watched him, his smile this time not momentary, but waiting patiently. For some reason, you just could not say no. But you couldn’t say yes either, even if the small nod you ended up giving him proved otherwise.

I just can’t help myself, can I?

You don’t see it, but you feel his hand tapping you. “I’m proud of you. You’ve already grown so much.” There’s a great sense of elation on Harrow’s face. This was what he’d wanted, and you’d just given it to him.

You struggled to be proud of yourself. His seal of approval was never something you desired. What you had desired though, was help, and he’d provided that. He had yet to break his promises yet, so why would he start now?

A small part of your mind held on to a lingering thought that you couldn’t shake. You feared that perhaps the closer he gets, the more dangerous he becomes. You wanted someone to understand you, appreciate you, and care about you, but was this the right person?

If I keep things up like this, he won’t hurt me, though. It could all be alright. It’s all or nothing.

#arthur harrow #arthur harrow x reader #moon knight #ethan hawke

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seekerstone · 9 months ago

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SKY PILOT?????? OH YEAH LET ME JUST GO GET A BLESSING FROM HOLY JOE THE SKY PILOT THANKS MAN YOU OLD JOSSER YOU

wdym the carrionplace is the only location denoted on the map. how am i supposed to live laugh plagiarize under these conditions hmm

#this is only tangentially related to the previous post but i had to stop and google for synonyms immediately agreeing picking and writing a #name for the village so like. idk it’s all the writing process. i write half a sentence. i stop to google walk synonyms. i lose my mind.#rinse and repeat for 20k words #writing shit #the moon speaks

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theprismaticvoid · 1 year ago

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(thoughts about my previous reblog bc it ended up being too long for tags and I was too shy to make this tangentially-related ramble a reply)

A big part of the issue with criticism of the Modern Backrooms, at least that I've seen, is that there's not often really direct criticism of what's wrong with the newer content beyond just saying "Trying to add more to the concept of the Backrooms makes it less scary" a million different times and ways (I've seen one post talking about a specific article about a sentient rubber duck that really sucked, but that was really it in terms of criticizing specific things about it). It gets to a point where it just feels very "NEW THING BAD" circlejerk-y forever and ever and ever.

I say this as someone who's not even a huge fan of the Backrooms, I've seen some of the found-footage videos and I have some vague ideas about levels and monsters and stuff through seeing people retweet fanart, and millions of posts about how the concept has been ruined.

The friend I reblogged it from made a good point in their tags about how the people complaining about how modern Backrooms sucks could 100% just make their own content that's more to their liking, but they'd rather complain that it's "not good anymore" in vague ways that both don't act as constructive criticism and don't produce better content directly.

The thing is like, if you hate EVERYTHING that's not the original “yellow room with the vague implication of a monster” concept, you can just go back and experience that? Nothing's stopping you from seeing the original 4chan post and the first few found-footage videos that kept strictly to the premise of the original - and if you want more, it quickly runs into the problem of "there's only so much you can do with a giant yellow room and only the vaguest insinuation that there might be a monster in there".

The whole concept of what made the original Backrooms scary, both never getting to see what (if anything) is actually there with you, and being stuck in an endlessly-repeating environment with nothing beyond moldy carpet and fluorescent lights for always and always and always, also makes it extremely difficult to put any interesting spin on without having to add something new.

There's only so many ways you can have a random person glitch into the backrooms, walk around for a while, run away from something, and then either die or glitch back into reality, before it becomes completely dull and uninteresting.

Another thing about the comparison to SCP is that, since a lot of people only came into the fandom after Containment Breach or another fangame, they aren't familiar with the very early history of SCP - while a lot of the early SCPs have some damn good horror, it wasn't ALWAYS like that. Tons and tons of very early SCP content was culled from the wiki for being terrible - self-insert OCs, things meant to pander to the artist's fetish, there was an honest to god "toilet that eats your butt if you sit on it" for a while (and not the Butt Ghost joke SCP, but an actual main-list one that was genuinely meant to be creepy/interesting, not funny).

SCP has some extremely good content - but only because it's had years upon years of bad articles either being entirely scrapped, or rewritten by a completely different author or the original author once they've had time to better hone their skills. And even then there are still some duds that are boring/uninteresting/terrible (Homestuck-obsessed Tumblr user alien satellite cannon that crytypes about how it's a horrible person, anyone? Or pretty much anything I've read that involves Gamers Against Weed/Are We Cool Yet)

The point I'm trying to make is, of course there's some bad content in the modern Backrooms fandom. It's still extremely new, it's popular with mostly kids and teens who are probably still learning how to write, and the concept as a whole is still trying to find out what it wants to be.

I'm just trying to say - if you love the concept of the Backrooms, try to be a positive influence over it instead of instantly going "THIS IS ALL GARBAGE AND CHILDREN RUINED THE CONCEPT THE MOMENT THEY TRIED TO MAKE IT ANYTHING BUT MOLDY CARPET AND YELLOW WALLPAPER, SO STOP HAVING FUN!!!".

Give polite constructive criticism, find things that work (or could work with a little tweaking) and point to them as examples of what you think the Backrooms should be, even write your own content if you think you can do better.

It's not like there's some sort of monolithic Backrooms Foundation that hands down the articles from on high and you never get to question them, suggest improvements, or add to them ever. It's just a loosely-connected web of fans trying to flex their creative muscles and have fun.

I don't know, I don't want to be all "modern internet culture bad", but with the state of things, I wonder if popular older creepypastas like Slenderman could've ever taken off in this kind of climate. I can't help but think that if something like that had started today we'd get millions of angry people on Reddit saying that Slenderman was only good when he was a completely-unexplained creepy guy who showed up in the background of photographs.

I can very easily see an alternate timeline where Marble Hornets was immediately written off as kiddy garbage that doesn't respect the lore and ruined Slenderman because he doesn't act right - "Why isn't he leaving organs in plastic bags? He's only supposed to show up as faceless on cameras and he looks like a normal person to anyone who sees him with their own eyes! WHY AREN'T YOU ADDRESSING HOW HE'S A GERMAN FAIRY???"

I don't really have a concrete resolution to this post or a point at the end of it, idk. Just my two cents on the issue.

#my ramblings

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eddisfargo · 3 years ago

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Not a day will go by (6/?)

This one's pretty short, so I didn't want to wait a whole day to post! Thanks again to beta @motherkatereloyshipper, who's really improved some of the rougher bits!

Tagging: @resident-of-storybrooke @everything-person @teamhook

AO3 Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6

Summary: Captain Hook wakes up in a strange bed, next to a woman he does not remember. He finds nothing particularly unusual about this situation. But the woman seems to know him very well.

In Storybrooke, there’s only one surefire way to get back a lost memory. And it’s not going to work until he loves her.

Rating: M

Chapter 6: Wake-up call

Chapter summary:

Hook wakes up to some surprising faces.

Emma had not been inclined to share her bed with him that night. Neither was he, truth be told. It was one thing to fall asleep next to a liaison. Another thing entirely to fall asleep next to your wife . She’d offered to sleep on the couch, but he’d insisted the bed was hers far more than his. As far as he could recall, he’d slept there only once.

“Would it not be easier to simply return to the Jolly?” he suggested.

“I guess you could,” she said hesitantly. “But it’s a long way to walk back and forth, and I want to get an early start tomorrow. So if you’re going to do that, I’ll have to drive you.”

It transpired that “driving” referred to the yellow monstrosity she called “the bug” for some reason. “Is that… unpleasant?” he asked.

She smiled sheepishly. “You… were not a fan of cars at first. You’re used to them now, but I’m guessing you’d be starting from scratch.”

By this point, it had been one of the longest days of a rather long life. So he opted for the couch.

His wife seemed to feel a bit guilty for kicking him out of bed, but he’d slept in far less comfortable places. It wasn’t a bad couch. Not as comfortable as lying in the particularly soft bed upstairs, but without the potential of waking up wrapped in her arms. That would be… awkward, of course. Certainly to be avoided… definitely… absolutely to be avoided, if at all possible.

Hook slept fitfully. When footsteps entered the room, he was instantly awake.

His heart stopped. Standing not a yard away was… Baelfire.

Impossible . He rubbed his eyes, unable to breathe. No, not Baelfire. Just a boy, a little older than Bae had been. Standing in front of him, looking curious and a little amused. He did look… familiar.

As his mind returned to him, Hook finally placed the familiarity. This was the man he’d glimpsed yesterday, with Emma. But he was no man, not quite yet.

“Henry?” he hazarded.

“Morning!” the boy said, too cheerfully for this hour. He seemed unsurprised to be called Henry, so that was likely his name. No, certainly not Emma’s husband. A conversation came back to him from the previous day. I mean, his other mom . Evidently, this was not a beleaguered wife complaining about her husband. The boy seemed about the right age to be Emma’s son, if she’d been a young mother. Should he ask if the lad was her son? Or who he'd been staying with? No, this was likely something he was supposed to know.

“So uhh…” the boy said, raising an eyebrow. “Why have you been banished to the couch?”

So, he didn’t know the story. This might be a moment to fish for information. Hook shrugged nonchalantly. “The same reason as usual.”

Henry’s brow furrowed. “There’s a usual?” He considered for a moment. “Guess you usually hide it better. You’ve never still been here when I woke up.” Interesting. So there were no obvious troubles in paradise. Henry took a seat on a chair next to the couch. “Is this about you vanishing yesterday? Mom was trying to hide it, but I think she was pretty freaked.”

Mom. So his surmise had been correct. He allowed himself a moment of triumph. He’d made a successful prediction. Today was already going better than yesterday.

“Tangentially related,” Hook said carefully. “Nothing to worry about, I’m sure.” There was a moment of silence. Taking a bit of a risk, he tried asking a question. “How old are you these days, Henry?” he asked, trying to sound as if it was a detail that had momentarily slipped his mind.

Henry considered him for a moment, and then grinned, “old enough to get a car for krissmus?” he suggested.

A car. This was information he’d come across. The machine you drive, of which he himself had evidently been not a fan at first . A good start. “And how old must one be to get a car for krissmus?”

“Fourteen,” Henry said confidently. “So uhh… I’m guessing you know what mom’s getting me, right?”

The boy was an excellent source of information, and seemed none the wiser to Hook’s careful interrogation. It turned out the situation was much easier to navigate when one had context . But now the cunning lad seemed to be fishing himself.

Hook grinned. “I haven’t the faintest idea,” he said honestly. Henry shrugged good-naturedly, his lack of surprise indicating that this was likely the correct response.

There was a businesslike knock on the door.

Henry stood. “Sounds like mom’s back already,” he said, sounding nonplussed.

Hook was a bit surprised, too. Emma must’ve been awfully stealthy to slip out the door without waking him. He stood too, following the lad toward the door. He had a few questions for her that he now had hope might receive a straight answer.

Henry opened it. “Miss me already?” he said, and Hook could hear the grin in his voice. But the woman standing on the threshold was not Emma. She wore a style of dress he hadn’t seen on a woman thus far—trousers that matched her jacket. It had an efficient style that was not unflattering. His eyes traveled appreciatively upward, noting short, severely cut dark hair. When he finally reached her face, which was currently scowling in his direction, he froze. Her .

#Captain Swan #Emma Swan #Killian Jones #fanfiction #once upon a time #ouat #ugh has it been ignoring my italics when I copy/paste this WHOLE TIME?#I only noticed this time because the last word is supposed to be formatted #oh no I italicize so much

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walker-journal · 4 years ago

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Seeking Sanctuary (Bex + Adam)

Participants: Bexley Ochsenstein (Spellcaster by Envy), Adam Walker (Hunter by Tapir)

Context: Two very unlike people encounter each other at the temple, and voice mutual doubts in a discussion about the nature of faith and identity.

Content Warnings: Religious Idealization, Discussions of Sexism and Transphobia (civil discussion), Mentions of post-traumatic stress and military conflict

Faith for Adam was a complicated subject. You’d think that knowing for certain that demons, life after death, magic, and souls existing would make faith easy. Adam technically knew the answers to alot of questions your average believer struggled with. There was no dread mystique to supernatural evil when your parents had taught you which tentaclely organs the laser beams came from. But that was exactly the problem.

Adam had grown up with Hell and all your worst nightmares simply being objective fact, an everyday reality that needed to be fought with tactics, technology, and sacrifice.

But although Adam was well acquainted with the forces of darkness, the supposed other side of the equation was very noticeably absent. Where was the Light in all of this?

Being a practical dude, Adam would’ve normally just dismissed tangential stuff that didn’t help you in the trenches, as Dad had...except...Adam had also warded off plenty of spooks with sacred symbols and watched with his own eyes as holy water burned undead killing machines to sterile dust.

What was the creator smoking? Fuck if Adam knew.

Adam turned his gaze from absently contemplating The Ark whose displayed scriptural scrolls dominated the front of the synagogue. There weren’t alot of people here today, but Adam found a familiar face in the pews nonetheless.

“How goes it Odelia?”

Prayer was something Bexley had never really gotten the hang of. She knew all the prayers to recite during Yom Kippur and Passover. She had memorized the passages for her bat mitzvah, and she had memorized enough to get through Temple. But when it came to personal prayer, when it came to sitting in Temple alone and staring up at the alter and around the pews, Bexley had no idea what to do. She hadn’t figured it out in her twenty years of life, the disconnect from her faith a struggle. It was something her parents had noticed, but never pointed out, because Bexley tried-- oh did she try-- to connect with the world the way she knew they wanted her to. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to or couldn’t, but, rather, that she felt so outside of it.

She was not born in the right body. Though the Torah made no mentions of people like her, the bittersweetness of it still tunneled her vision of it. How was she supposed to connect with something that wanted to pretend she didn’t exist?

But she wasn’t here today about that part of her. She was here today about the part of her that kept exploding things. Breaking them. Nell’s pot still sat heavy on her mind. It was a ridiculous thing to be kneeling in a pew about, but here she was. She wanted whatever it was to stop. She wanted to have some sort of control over it. She was practically begging for the help when a voice cut through her mind.

“Adam?” She turned to look over at him, startled slightly. “I-- sorry. What’re you doing here? N-not that you can’t be here! I just...you don’t really seem the type to just...come to temple... “

Adam was generally inclined to agree with that assessment. Between dating a woman who had a Beanie Baby collection of demons and committing more degrees of murder than existed in any legal code, the Hunter was pretty sure Bex was being overgenerous with his being allowed in here.

“Last night’s DIE party was the kind you need to get sanctified after,” Adam asserted as he plopped down unceremoniously in the pew in front of Bex. “You should come sometime.” he wheedled playfully. “Make sure you have plenty to repent for on Saturday.”

But after a moment Adam paused, the mischief of flirting with a lawyer-dude’s girlfriend fading. Dark brown eyes looked over Bex again, this time without lewdness or jest.

“How’re you holding up Bex,” Adam asked quietly with more intentionality than the previous address.

As Bex looked at Adam, she tried to pinpoint exactly what it was that Nell saw in him. Maybe it was something she couldn’t see, because all she saw was a rather lewd frat boy, who sometimes had that far away sad look in his eyes. Maybe that was really just the persona he wanted others to see-- Bex could relate to that. The happy, chipper girl she pretended to be in public for her parents wasn’t who she was at all, and her being here right now sort of proved that. She had to look away from him, furrowing her brow and smoothing her palms down the front of her dress. She always tried to look nice when coming to Temple.

“I don’t think those kinds of parties are really my style,” she answered quietly. Took a moment to look around to make sure there wasn’t anyone too familiar in here with them. But it was relatively empty today, with only a few people milling about and the Rabbi making rounds before disappearing back into his office. Her eyes settled back on Adam and he had that sad look again. He even used her right name.

“I’m fine,” she said curtly, “just...getting used to being back in White Crest. Kind of a whole different world out there than it is here, you know?” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “What’s the real reason you’re here, Adam? Repentance also doesn’t seem up your alley.”

While Adam had been trained to deceive and achieve invisibility by fulfilling others assumptions, he wasn’t so far gone that Bex’s directness couldn’t still get a rise from him. Adam blinked and his face became briefly uncertain, as if the Hunter had flubbed a line in a script and broken character in front of an audience of one. “I’ve gotten in over my head,” the murderer admitted after a time.

“I’ve been trying to just tough it out,” the Hunter continued, referring to the abuse and torments of a demonic cult in the tone someone else might’ve used for minor health difficulties. “But I’ve running on fumes for so long now that like...eventually you’ve got nothing left. No more second winds, no just pushing on through,” the athlete explained.

“I’ve never like been close to really hitting that wall one other time before,” admitted Adam in memory of when his power and faith had shattered on Lyssa’s peak. “I’m uh, not liking my chances here.”

Adam encompassed the synagogue’s interior with a vague sweeping gesture that implied that perhaps the soldier wasn’t so much seeking redemption as reaching anything to keep from plummeting off a cliff.

“Do you prefer the world out there Bex?”

Bex looked at Adam and listened to his words. Whatever he was going through, it seemed rough on him, like it was wearing him down. Sands blasting down his walls and carving them away, smoothing them away. Eventually, they would become nothing. Just like hers. She felt a pull at her heart and she had to look away to not totally give up her shiny exterior. Cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes.

“Don’t you have like, people to help you?” she asked. “You know you don’t have to go it alone. That’s sorta the point of community.” She gestured to the area around them. There were so many other people he could’ve gone to bother, why did he have to choose her? Still, a sense of curiosity pulled at her. And empathy. She knew what it felt like to be at the end of your rope. Her hands wrung together.

“What, um-- what happened? If you don’t mind me asking. Are you okay?” Was he dying? Did Nell know? She paused at his question. “I...prefer the world that I know I can interact with. It’s easy to...pretend to be something there.”

“There is someone helping me”, Adam admitted, “and I’m thankful I’ve got her help on this, but uh... “ The Hunter ran a hand across the back of his neck. “That’s kinna the problem y’know? Worried I’m just going to drag her down with me.”

Bex seemed to genuinely inquire about his welfare, which was kinna touching. As always, Adam had to weigh the difference between the necessary lies and giving the other people enough of the truth as he could. “There is a group in town that I think are into some really dangerous stuff,” was definitely a criminal level of understatement. “But I need evidence and to catch them in the act to make a citizen’s arrest,” Adam concluded. It was technically a lie, but as closest to the spirit of the truth as he could manage without going straight into Twilight Zone territory.

It was dangerous to say out loud. But as much as Adam hated to admit it, against an adversary like Ma’al these hallowed walls were probably studier than any military bunker.

“Why do you wanna pretend Bex? What makes this place hard to interact with,” Adam asked slowly, kinna intuiting what she might mean in his gut, but not wanting to jump to conclusions here.

“Is it Nell?” Bex asked, blurting the words before she could stop them. She paused, recoiled and bit the inside of her cheek. “Sorry. Not to sound weird, but I met Nell on campus and then we got talking and she sort of told me about you guys.” She burned to ask Adam if he knew that his girlfriend claimed to be a witch, and wondered what his faith-- their faith-- would have to say about that. She wondered a lot of things about Adam, actually, and Nell was one of those things.

“I think...if she didn’t want to be helping, she would say so. I think worrying about that is pointless.” Not that Bex knew Nell super well, but from what she’d seen of her, Nell didn’t seem the sort to do something out of obligation. She shifted, and leaned back.

“Whatever you’re up to, it sounds illegal and dangerous, and I’m studying law, so maybe don’t tell me what you’re doing,” she pointed out quietly, giving another wary glance around. She scratched her knees awkwardly.

“That’s...complicated, I guess,” she mumbled, furrowing her brows. “I want to pretend because...maybe one day I can’t stop pretending and it’ll be real. I know this might seem strange, Adam, but the world isn’t kind to people like me. Out there, in here--” she gestured around them, “it’s all kind of the same.”

“Oh,” Adam mouthed, feeling like a dumbass. Adam was typically immune to embarrassment or society anxiety, one of those side benefits of being conditioned to ignore fear and pain that might trouble therapists. Normally Adam would only grin and make lewd implications at the prospect of women talking in private about him. It’d never bothered him before, but for some reason the thought of Nell specifically doing so brought on a precarious uncertainty. “Yeah you’re right, I know you're right,” Adam repeated, “but still…” Knowing something doesn’t mean it can’t fuck you head anyway.

“Don’t you think we need to do illegal and dangerous stuff sometimes?” pointed out the vigilante.

Adam watched Bex’s face as she explained, his expression softened by a touch of awkward compassion but not comprehension. “Look I uh...can’t pretend to know what it's like,” he admitted. “This world is pretty dickish to women and I’m definitely not innocent of that, but there’s gotta be somewhere, or somebody, that can feel like a safe place y’know?”

“But still...what?” Bex prodded. She didn’t mean to pry, but she was curious by nature. And she began to develop a sort of friendship with Nell, so concern wrought itself through her face as she watched Adam. He always seemed so typical, but for some reason, up close like this with him, he seemed somewhat...different. There was something mysterious about him, about the way he talked. The things he hinted at. The casualness of his attitude, and the ruffling of his brow at the mention of Nell. Bex looked back down.

“No, I don’t,” Bex said, repeating the mantra in her head that her parents always told her. Be good, be polite, be strong. She tried her best to follow those, but she didn’t get them all the time. “My family is pretty strict about that stuff.”

She couldn’t help but chuckle hollowly. “I was kinda hoping that’s what I’d find here,” she admitted quietly, “but no one ever answers me.”

Adam let out a long exhale between his lips as he tried to scrape together some words to describe a gut feeling. Visceral stuff didn’t tend to lend itself to explanation very well, but here goes: “I’ve mostly ever done casual relationships,” Adam began. “I can’t do halfway stuff like...I’m not wired that way,” admitted the young fanatic. “Either it’s just a fuck.” Adam put a hand on one side of the pew’s back. “Or you care enough about them to give up everything,” Adam’s hand shifted to the other side of pew, perhaps indicating that the Hunter’s conception of intimacy was either a roll in the sheets or devotion to the point of self-sacrifice.

“Nell and I are trying something new for both of us,” Adam posited,”I care about her, but also don’t want to go so all in we can’t find a way out,” the Hunter said, perhaps talking about two things at once. “But as I said, not so great at halfway.”

Bex’s desolate mirth at divine silence gave Adam pause. His dark brown eyes flicked up to the synagogue's arched ceiling, as if checking to see if any angels happened to be fluttering about the eves.

“When I was on tour in Saudi Arabia,” the young soldier began after a while, eyes still contemplating the interlacing triangle mosaics. “One of my squaddies was this dude named Hasan. I was a dumass...ok dumbasser.. teenager and didn’t know shit about Islam and my Arabic was terrible,” Adam continued. “But like, we were on patrol together alot so we talked about stuff. One day we were looking at this camp full of bodies all ripped apart and shit,” the Hunter continued with conversational casualness, neglecting to mention that he and Hasan were not patrolling the wastelands against their fellow men.

“Hasan prayed over them before we bared what was left and I asked him later how he could possibly feel close to God out here, with all the blood and fucking torn up meat all over the sand. I was kinna messed up and lost my cool,” the Hunter confessed numbly, as if assuming that Bex would rightly judge him for this unacceptable lapse of composure on the battlefield. “Hasan just said that even here, even in this, Allah is not absent, We are no farther from his presence, evil is just distracting us from it.”

Adam’s lips creased into a rueful smile, “we talked more after that, he told me about this sage Rabia who was like this zero-wave feminist who went into the desert to chill with God and do survivalism.” The Hunter’s tone indicated that he himself might have considered going full wilderness anarchist on multiple occasions. “She was super smart and kind to the people who went out there to learn from her, unless they were offering marriage in which case she told them to fuck off,”

Scholars might’ve contested this summary, but Adam had learned about Sufi mysticism from Hasan in between filling hordes of Alghouls full of silver buckshot, so perhaps parsimony was forgivable.

“Anyway, Rabia’s whole deal I guess was that she found that like..mosques, patriarchy, the state and all that shit pulled her farther away from God,” Adam continued in the manner of someone who’d emotionally connected with what his brother in arms had described, even if neither of the young warriors really had a handle on the deeper theology. “Love was where she felt God. Love for herself, love even for the sand and all the scorpions, the joy of just being alive.”

Adam’s eyes finally left the ceiling and found Bex’s face. The young man scratched his temple in a sudden fit of bashfulness in the wake of reminiscence. “Ok uh, I dunno where I was going with that but...I’m shit at this...but I guess uh.. like ...maybe a temple is wherever you feel closer to God, even if that's a desert or even just a state of mind.”

“I’m still trying to find my temple,” the fallen Hunter admitted.

As Adam talked, Bex listened. Really listened. She’d had no idea he was a soldier, or that he’d been on tour. She’d gone to Jerusalem once with her parents, and her mother had looked down at her and told her to be on her best behavior, because she was already wrong for being in the temple of their God. She remembered the harsh look her father had given her as they’d entered and she was wearing a dress and her favorite shoes and he’d scoffed. Maybe that was where her disconnect had spawned from.

Adam’s story broke her heart a little.

Bex couldn’t even imagine the pain of seeing so much carnage. Her sheltered life had let her grow up in relative peace. Death was not a part of her life. Shame was, though. Shame and guilt. She could relate to him on those things, even if it pained her to admit that.

“I’m sorry, Adam,” she finally said quietly, “that you went through all that.” She’d judged him preemptively, but he was perhaps suffering more than most anyone else in this Temple. “You know, for a frat guy, you’re pretty wise,” seh tacked on quietly with a tease. Perhaps now she could see why Nell liked him so much.

“I don’t know Nell that well yet, but it sounds like you really care about her. I definitely can’t give relationship advice, I’ve never even been in a real one--” she gave pause, stuttering over her words. Frank, her current “boyfriend” was a cover, and she’d just given that up, “--until now! But...what I’m trying to say is, I think it’s okay to not know. I think figuring it out together is kinda like...the point, you know? Of being with someone like that. Of trying new things.” Things she only wished she could try, could have. He was looking at her with those bashful, knowing eyes and she had to look away.

“This place scares me,” she admitted quietly, “White Crest.” She rubbed her arm, pulling into herself. “My parents always kept me so locked away, even when I lived here. And now I’ve been back for almost two months and already I feel like this place is trying to change me, take me away from the person I’m supposed to be.” She looked up at the ceiling, mirroring his movements from moments ago. “I guess I just wanted answers.” The ceiling told her nothing, and she looked down to meet his eyes again.

“You and me both, then,” she answered his last statement, the same sort of broken admittance ringing in her voice, “Guess we’ll just have to keep searching, huh?” Because there had to be something better than this, for both of them.

Adam stared at Bex for a moment at her condolence, stunned, as if genuinely not understanding why a story of battlefield carnage had elicited that reaction.

“Well uh,” a red blush crept up Adam’s neck as if Bex’s compassion had unmanned him more then any debauchery or public streaking ever had. “It’s not ...I didn’t mean it like..” the Hunter insisted as if associating the long war with suffering was something unthinkable. Perhaps it was even literally unthinkable, an emotional descent Adam didn’t think he could survive.

“It’s an honor to serve,” Adam insisted quietly. Even disgraced, powerless, and at the edge breaking, the Hunter couldn’t abandon what was killing him.

“You’re pretty understanding for a church girl,” Adam answered back to the praise he didn’t deserve, the crease at the edge of his soft smile hinting at a deeper more serious compliment underneath the playful plaudit.

If Adam intuited something off about how abruptly and awkwardly Frank entered and left the conversation, he kept his peace.

There were things Adam wished he could tell Bex about White Crest, about why her fears were valid and his gut feeling that this city was in a liminal space between Earth and the fathomless unknown. But preserving supernatural secrecy was one of the sacred charges his ancestors had passed down, and Adam couldn’t bring himself to break it even when it seemed they’d abandoned him.

Besides, Bex seemed worried about White Crest killing her spiritually, while Adam had his hands full trying to prevent much more literal death in vamp infested graveyards.

“Yeah guess so…” Adam stood as if he were about to go, but paused, mulling over Bex’s words again. Locked up? Take her away from who she was meant to be? Aw shit. Uneasy vibes compelled Adam to speak even when his brain warned he should stay the hell outta this. “Hey Bex, like if its ever too much,” he began slowly, “I know people you stay with. On the other side of the country, or the Holy Land even.” Mom never turned away guests in need...well, human ones.

“Sorry if that’s pushy,” Adam ameliorated, “and you can tell me to fuck off. But like...offer open.”

His embarrassment was almost immediate and Bex couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little. He might’ve had a seeming heart of gold, but he still tried to apply certain standards of masculinity to himself. She supposed some things would never really change. Still, it didn’t discredit anything else he’d said, or that he’d done. “Well I did,” she answered, “mean it like that.”

At that, Bex snorted. “Church girl?” she chuckled, shaking her head. “Seriously? That’s what you think of me? Geez, I kinda hate that. Maybe I was right before, pretending I could solve my problems myself instead of coming here.” She was mostly teasing, but there was some truth to it. She hadn’t entirely found her purpose or sense of self within her faith yet, even as hard as she’d tried to. She had books about Jewish spiritualism-- Kabbalah as it were-- but after her parents had found the first one, their anger had made her never want to open one again, despite her curiosity for them. Despite what little she had read about it giving her a connection she’d never felt before.

His offer, however, was sudden and abrupt and not at all what she’d expected him to say. She blinked, confused, before softening her expression and shaking her head. “That’s real sweet of you to offer, Adam, but I could never take you up on that.” Her parents would never allow it. They’d brought her back here specifically to keep her close, and she had a feeling she wasn’t going to be let out of their grasp for a long time now.

Her expression fell again, as he stood and started to make his way out. “You know, Adam,” she said, a bit quieter now, “you’re a good guy. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think maybe letting people see this side of you more often might be nice.” She gave a gentle smile. “I’ll see you around. Tell Nell hi for me.”

#seeking sanctury #para #ptsd tw #sexism tw #transphobia tw

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linkspooky · 5 years ago

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if dabi and shigaraki are foils I think wouldnt that mean enji would be the son of gran torino . ( also it annoys me that you act like nana committed an act of abuse on her son for leaving him when she left him because her husband was killed and she wanted to protect him you talk about sympathy but you didnt give any for nana which ticks me off)

Foils does not mean a 1:1 connection, it just means they resemble each other, for instance Deku and Todoroki are foils because they are both the intended proteges of the number one and number two heroes.

Their relationship with each respective mentor is not exactly the same. Endeavor was an abusive mentor who forecd Shoto to train when he was five years old, and acts as if Shoto’s quirk is something that belongs to him. He’s possessive and does not see Shoto as a person. He’s also Shoto’s blood father who had him with the intention of raising him up as his successor. Shoto himself also has no wish to succeed his father. Shoto does not believe in the kind of hero Endeavor is.

Midoriya’s ideal hero has always been All Might. All Might is severely misguided as a menotr at times, such as when he fails to properly inform Midoriya or warn him about the way OFA can destroy his body, but he’s never outright violent the wa Endeavor was to Shoto. In fact All Might encourages Deku several times to be his own kind of hero, instead of trying to perform exactly like him in the way his hero worship would lead him to want to. Deku also has no relation to All Might, he’s no one special, he really is just some random kid that Toshinori found and decided to make his heir.

There are a lot of differences in the sitautions they are not exact one to one reflections even structure wise, but the point is that they are meant to be compared. Shigaraki’s backstory is meant to be compared to Dabi’s, especially since they are both results of the mistakes of the previous number one and number two heroes. All Might respecting Nana’s wishes about her son allowed Shigaraki to fall through the cracks when he needed help. Whereas, it’s likely Touya’s quirk not matching his body at all was directly caused by Endeavor’s want to create an heir with a hybrid quirk. The children who fell through the cracks together, the children not saved by the number one and number two heroes respectively, that’s what makes them similiar.

I’m sorry you feel that way anon, I would like you to enjoy what I read. However, my askbox is a place for discussion not the complaints department. You are free to disagree with me, even encouraged to do so and I’ll do my best to respond if I have the time. Remember that this is a discussion and both side’s opinions need to be respected.

That being said it’s impossible for me to address every single character’s point of view when I am talking in a post. The reason I did not mention Nana’s situation is not because I did not sympathize with her, but because I did not consider it tangential to the subject at hand considering I was talking about Shigaraki. If I stopped to elaborate on the complexities of every single character in the situation then the post would have been too long.

But let’s address the complexity now. Remember, this is a complex situation not black and white. There are two sides to this story, Nana’s side and Kotaro’s side. On my part I hardly find it necessary to frame Nana as someone sympathetic in her decision to abandon Kotaro because the story does that already. I didn’t feel the need to mention it because I thought it was obvious, the story directly states the reasons why she is sympathetic.

It’s a matter of framing. That is the way the other characters react to her decision and we see it in two different lights. The first time we see it, Toshinori and Gran Torino are both framing it as an act of self-sacrifice on her part. An extension of her complete selflessness of her actions. That she was protecting her son and only had good intentions behind it.

My assertion is not that Shimura’s action was good or bad, but rather it was complex. That there are two sides to this story. Yes, Nana is sympathetic. Reeling from the loss of her husband, she made a harsh decision with the best of intentions in mind. It must have also been devastating and terrifying all at once to know that even she as a hero having sacrificed everything could not defeat All for One. Not only that it’s tragic, Nana makes this decision and gives up everything to fight All for One only to be killed by him, and have her family taken advantage of anyway. The only person that is a pure villain here is All for One. Nana lost her husband, and also had to distance herself from her own son there’s no doubt she was a victim of circumstance dealing with heavy emotional wounds.

However, that is also the point. You know who else probably felt devatstated when Nana’s husband died? Kotaro. Especially when he lost his father and his mother’s immediate decision was to abandon him. The theme of this manga is that heroes are flawed. Her actions which seem like noble self sacrifice, also left a poor defenseless child completely isolated and devastated.

Her intentions were good but it’s clear from the results of her actions that she made a bad decision. She made a bad decision in a bad situation, it’s tragic, I am not saying that makes her a bad person it makes her a human being as flawed as the rest of us rather than the perfect mentor that All Might characterizes her as.

Abandoning a child you are personally responsible for, and not doing everything you absolutely can to make sure he is in the right hands is abuse. Yes arguably if she had kept him close while a super villain was trying to kill her would also have been a dangerous decision, but throwing him into the wild where she has no control over the situation sounds far worse to me. Especially since it’s obvious that her plan failed and All For One knew exactly where Kotaro was all along. Neglect is abuse, even when it is not hitting a child.

Neglect is a form of abuse where the perpetrator, who is responsible for caring for someone who is unable to care for themselves, fails to do so. Neglect may include the failure to provide sufficient supervision, nourishment, or medical care, or the failure to fulfill other needs for which the victim cannot provide themselves. Neglect can carry on in a child’s life falling into many long-term side effects such as: physical injuries, developmental trauma disorder, low self-esteem, attention disorders, violent behavior, and can even cause death.

Yes, Nana’s feelings towards the loss of her husband are important, but more important in that situation are what Kotaro’s feelings are. Especially since Kotaro did not ask to exist, it was Nana who made the decision to marry and have a child, and she ultimately who is repsonsible for caring for him. If Nana does not carry out that responsibility to care for him that is neglect.

From Nana’s point of view she was committing an incredibly selfless act for her child, and doing it for his sake. For Kotaro’s point of view, his mother was choosing to fight for other people, rather than fight for him the son she brought into this world and therefore the person she should be most responsible for.

The way Kotaro acts towards Tenko also shows the long-lasting effects of his abuse. He’s not just hitting acting this way towards Tenko to be cruel for no reason, all of that resentment has to come from somewhere. If what Nana did is not abuse then why does Kotaro have permanent scars on him that even affect him when he is an adult? Why has he still not gotten over the feelings of his childhood abandonment?

The way Nana even talks about her decision to leave him seems like she was thinking of her own feelings at the time, her fear of losing him, more than Kotaro’s feelings which were the most important. She even says so, that he will probably hate her but she’ll keep on loving him. Nana considers only her own feeling, that this is an act of love and therefore Kotaro just has to understand one day and find his own happiness one day without her.

It’s not like she hid him for a few years, she was so dead set on never allowing any contact. Even when he was an adult theoretically had he survived there would have been no way for him to get into contact with her. Not only that, but she also forbid All Might and Gran Torino from trying to find him after she died, which meant he would not even know when his own mother was dead, or what had happened to her. It’s a situation where as a child Kotaro is denied all agency and she does not even take into consideration what he wants. It’s also her forbidding any contact that directly results in All Might not being able to save Shigaraki years later.

Not only that but Nana also raised somebody else as a surrogate son, instead of her natural born son she was responsible for. She was fine with putting Toshinori in danger but not the one who depended on her. All of these contradictions do not add up unless you realize that Nana made an extremely personal, and flawed decision.

Nana is already characterized in the story as an idealized hero from the past. We are all shown all of her positive qualities in All Might’s admiration of her. By pointing out the negative results of her actions, I’m not trying to judge her, but rather to make her more human. Nana is a human, and her flaws, and the flawed decision she made are exactly what make her sympathetic.

#metasks #Anonymous

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whats-the-story-tc · 5 years ago

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Have there been times when she felt so utterly human, a person with flaws and a life with banalities? Tangentially related, do you wonder a lot about how she feels about herself?

You see, whenever something happens, like, she comes up to talk to me, or she laughs at my joke, or she just exists in the same place as me (either physically or virtually), it feels like I'm in the presence of Aphrodite herself. I don't have time to think about why she does things, I have to concentrate on finding the right thing to say so the moment lasts longer. I let myself just feel things instead of planning. Her impact, her aura, and that strange, nearly magnetic pull I feel whenever I'm with her is too strong to let me do otherwise, anyway. But when I'm writing these posts to you guys, I always reconsider everything. Pick it apart, analyse it through and through. And THAT is when I notice the flaws. She's never been anywhere near a deity. She's incredibly, utterly, entirely human.

I haven't told you this story yet, as it took place exactly the day before I created this blog. I only mentioned it in my first story post. She comes in, sick out of her mind, to teach, just because so many of our Grammar-focused classes have been cancelled. We're quite possibly the only ones she actually taught that day, as she didn't do her double with the other class in the previous two periods and didn't do her usual supervising duty in the morning. Yet she pushed through, joked around, answered every question and even had the mental presence to play surrogate homeroom teacher. Was it irresponsible? Of course. Was she being stubborn? Naturally. But I still can't help but admire her work ethic.

This is what she is. She's stubborn as a mule. She's hard to read. She's messy and often socially awkward, with a habit of not quite wording things right, though this isn't exactly something I can blame her for, seeing I'm just like that. And, though she looks and acts very put together, she has absolutely zero control over her emotions. She rants and she argues and she complains when provoked and she's curious to a fault. And you know what? I still love her. And despite what I might say when I'm cross with her, I don't think that's ever going to stop.

As for how she feels about herself... this is the one thing I don't have to wonder about anymore. I know. And it doesn't make me happy. I've written about it before here, and there are two things I'd like to add to prove my statement, as for you guys, who only see her through my eyes, it might be hard to imagine why I would say such things about someone who is seemingly so confident and strong.

In my younger, stalking days (which I do recognise now was wrong), I went through one of her SNS profiles and found a rather interesting caption under a photo of one of her cats. "The reason I'm always taking photos of the cats is that, unlike me, they're always pretty." Yes, I know, we all joke about things like that, but with V... I just know that the self-deprecation comes from somewhere deeper. You can feel things like that if you know a person enough.

The other is perhaps the only part of the famous January 24th I forgot to add (sorry, I know you guys are sick of this story, but bear with me). During V's class that day, she jokingly added "At least the English teacher didn't change." "Thank God!" I remember saying, and I think I wasn't the only one expressing I was glad. V was very awkward about it and immediately started saying how we'd (as in the class and her) will get bored of each other soon. Bored? Me? Next to someone like her? Impossible.

Sorry I took my sweet time answering, lovely! Thank you very, very much for the question! And, naturally, please stay safe! (This goes for all of you!)

~ S ♡

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bobbytriesatlife · 5 years ago

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Kiryu Sento and his parallel to gay self discovery

By Bobby

Word count 1,419

I ended up writing this because of the response to this post and also because I’m over $100 for my Gofundme and I promised I would write this if I did. So here you go.

Kiryu Sento(23) is a the main character of Kamen Rider Build, the 2017 through 2018 season of the long running tokusatsu franchise. When we were are first introduced to our hero, we are told that he is a freelance scientist with amnesia who lives with his father figure and said father figure’s daughter. The father figure being Souichi Isurugi and the daughter being Misora Isurugi. The next relationship established in the show is with Ryuga Banjou, the secondary protagonist and Sento’s Best Match. These three characters will be the primary relationships that I will use to explain why Sento’s journey throughout the series reflects that of a gay youth trying to come into their own. Along with a few other relationships I will discuss towards the end. The first relationship I will explore will be with Banjou, who I believe is the most important character to Sento’s journey.

When Sento and Banjou first meet, they start out being antagonistic to one another until they realize that the similarities of their origins. The both of them having been kidnapped and experimented on by a group called Faust. In Sento’s case, this is partly how he ended up with amnesia and in Banjou’s case, he escaped before his memory could be erased. Banjou is on the run for a murder that he claims he didn’t commit and while Sento is skeptical at first, Banjou’s ernest insistence of his innocence leads Sento to take his side and help Banjou escape. These events take place within the first episode, which caps off with a joke where Sento points out that Banjou’s fly is down but waits to the last minute to say anything about it.

As the series continues, we see Sento and Banjou move on from being begrudging allies, to friends, to a “Best Match.” Sento seems to become more and more accustomed to Banjou’s presence, even making important choices solely on how they would affect Banjou. He keeps up a sarcastic and teasing facade towards Banjou, all the while exhibiting little shows of affection such as creating tools and gadgets specifically for him. Banjou eventually becomes a Rider himself and fights alongside Sento. Following this, the two acquire several powered up forms. The most notable being Cross-z Charge, Build Hazard, Cross-z Magma, Build Cross-z and Build Genius. The thing that connects each instance of them gaining a power up is that they do so in order to protect the other/show how close they have become.

Due to extreme circumstances, by the end of the series the two end up being dependent on one another in a setting that’s both familiar and unfamiliar. Despite everything however, the pair look forward to the future as they know they have one another.

The second relationship we will be exploring will be between Sento and Misora. Misora acts as a little sister figure to Sento. The two often play tricks on one another such as drawing on the other’s face when they are asleep. Though Sento is often enthusiastic about his various discoveries and inventions, Misora tends to seem as if it doesn’t interest her at all as long as he kicks in for spending money around the house. Though the two often playfully antagonize one another, they also often look to each other as emotional confidants. The pair often sharing secrets with one another that they wouldn’t readily share with anyone else.

There comes a point in the series where a personal revelation causes Sento to question his entire identity. He ponders as to whether or not he is a real person and if anything he’s done up till now actually means anything. Misora does her best to comfort him and tries to reassure him that the only him she’s known is Sento. So that is who he is to her.

The next relationship we will explore is that of Sento and Souichi. Souichi as a father figure to Sento for the first half of the series. He is the one who finds Sento after he has amnesia and takes him in to raise him alongside Misora. He is the person to push Sento to become Build and pursue being a hero in order to learn more about himself.

While this all sounds very positive, pretty early on in the series we learn something about Souichi that shows his intentions are not benevolent and that he does not have Sento’s (or even Misora’s) best interest at heart. This is one of a few events that truly shake Sento as he didn’t want to believe this person would hurt him and that they really accepted Sento as is. Despite discovering this, Sento continues to seek Souichi’s guidance throughout a large portion of the series. There is even a point where an event traumatizes Sento and the only person he can think of to seek advice from is Souichi. Souichi ridicules and belittles Sento for letting the event affect him, but also makes sure to toss a backhanded compliment in every now and then. It isn’t until the various other people that Sento has befriended at this point reassure him of his self worth that he stops going to Souichi for advice.

Two other character tangentially related to Sento’s journey that I want to talk about as well are Gentoku Himura and Takumi Katsuragi. In order to discuss Sento’s relationship with these two characters and how these relationships reflect Sento being read as gay, I have to dive into some spoilers. So be forewarned.

Takumi is the scientist who created the Build driver, the device that allows Sento to become Kamen Rider Build. Most of his research is partly responsible for much of the conflict throughout the series in one way or another. He also happens to be the person Sento was before he had amnesia. Like many other traumatic events in the series, this causes Sento to question his identity. Even to the point where Takumi’s personality begins to reemerge. The two of them even have full on conversations in their head about how to best deal with the conflict at hand. Katsuragi constantly questions Sento’s insistence of believing in Banjou and seems to be more emotionally cold than Sento in how he operates. Takumi’s personality even fully takes over for a few episodes before looking inside himself and realizing that Sento deserves to be his own person. (He also is the one to makes the Genius power up, which he leaves to Sento as a show of faith in him.) This can be read as someone who’s come out of the closet having a period of self doubt. One where they question whether or not it would be easier to just pretend to be straight rather than deal with the horror of being known. Fortunately for Sento it seems that his previous personality is just as easy to read as a gay man.

When Takumi appears in the show, whether it be in flash back or when his personality returns, there is one person he seems to really be close to. That person is Gentoku Himura aka Kamen Rider Rogue. The two were the founders of Faust, the organization partly responsible for the conflict throughout the show. Though their intentions could be read as noble, their methods are questionable. We see that it’s Gentoku who convinces Katsuragi that creating Faust is a good idea and that Gentoku has high hopes for Katsuragi’s research. Even before the revelation about Sento and Takumi is revealed, Gentoku often speaks fondly of the time he and Katsuragi spent together. Around the time that Takumi reemerges from the depths of Sento’s mind, Gentoku has recently reformed and joined up with the Build crew. He and Takumi hash it out and Gentoku laments over how he used Takumi’s research and tells him that he missed him. Though Takumi doesn’t really forgive Gentoku, you can see that the two shared a very close bond.

I could continue to go on and cite various moments of Sento or Takumi’s life that show similarity to what your average 20 something gay would go through, but I will conclude with this. Sento’s journey starts him off practically alone with a one track focus on finding out about his past. The show ends with Sento having let go of that part of himself and settling down with a found family of his own making, living with his “Best Match”. If that doesn’t sound like a journey of queer self discovery then I don’t know what is.

#Kamen Rider Build #kiryu sento #I manage to slim this down #I finished this pretty late so I'm sorry for any typos

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des-shinta · 6 years ago

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Discussing this publicly as...Y'see, me getting comments like this DM'd and Emailed to me? That's why I even keep bringing Zi-O up or have stayed even tangentially involved. it’s not to keep sniping at it, it’s putting out there that you can choose another target, as this horse is out of this race until it is all said and done. Hell, that was the entire point of the last post about it. I’ve been through this song and dance and want people to stop bringing it to me. Though I am not calling out KaijucorpsTokuandrobots and his opinion of my work or in any way attempting to publicly shame him. Frankly, his is the most civil DM I’ve received on this thus-far and why I have chosen to cite it. They have otherwise escalated to Death Threats for me not wanting to watch a show that It’s clear I won’t like. I just...I’m seriously just done with this fandom. Marzgurl’s two twitter threads on the missed concept of the ‘Ally of Justice’ are so on the ball for how bad it’s been getting. I WANT to do and have been doing exactly as KaijuKorpsTokuandrobots is demanding and leave it alone for others to hate or enjoy as they wish to, and as I stated my position and bowed out weeks ago I would like to leave it be. I mostly have kept silent on my commentary since outside of...what, a handful of posts in the time it’s been running, not counting repetitions of the same subject such as the show being predictable, expanded reply threads, or snarking at crap? Though That’s part of why I format my videos and reviews the way I do, to better explain the positions I take. The extended in-depth length is for those unfamiliar or familiar with the media to see more of it than is present in shorter-length ones that's just the opinion piece, with my perspectives and analysis set between the recap. Doing this allows it to be more objective than others, and provide a better explanation for my perspective. It is not done to lead them to a subjective conclusion that ignores facts on a matter simply to make others opinions align with mine. That’s just manipulative and arrogant and...well, if you knew me or paid attention to my conduct, you’d know that isn’t me. If I did and was, in the Kyoryuger videos I could’ve just said “you’re all wrong about Daigo”, instead of addressing how there were legitimate grievances one could have against him due to his character archetype being one that grates on a lot of people and super sentai overuses, and also ones that had been blown out of proportion in the face of those who have legitimately erred in the same fields Daigo was blamed for but didn’t actually do. I could’ve just ignored the fandom complaints instead of acknowledging the reasonable ones and providing evidence against the ludicrous or exaggerated ones. For if you notice, I always supply evidence of why I have the perspective I do. For It has not nor has ever been about my opinion being the right one, it's about putting thought into one’s entertainment and seeing if it holds up under scrutiny. That’s what a reviewer’s job is. I’m an analytical and introspective person, I THINK about things. I LIKE Informing people about things, I believe facts and trivia are neat and fun to share, and media content regardless of genre, age or demographic that put in that extra effort to have all these big allusions to other work seamlessly woven into them and work for their story gives them a whole new layer of depth that is absolutely wonderful, especially if it is to other things I have enjoyed. And conversely, when I see something that has held itself to higher standards in the past acting as if it could not care less, I am compelled like many to call it out for that, and explain why that is. To paraphrase Linkara, “By teaching you how something is Bad, you learn how something is good, and if you are a creative type yourself, these are then tips to avoid creating something horrible.”

I don’t see how that can be viewed as being smug or any different than anyone else that does the reviewer thing, as my presenting of facts and the evidence supplied from interviews, analysis, data, records and what-not in the video content I make (and often these large blog posts) is always divorced or set separately of my Opinion or snark about something so it is uniquely distinguishable on which is which. My opinion does not superceed all of that, my opinion is a result of knowing and being aware of all of this, seeking out this information as I love to learn facts and trivia about stuff I enjoy, and presenting them all in a condensed collection of content. Analyzing the common themes, tropes and plots the writers on a show make use of in their original works (the Toshiki Inoue Drinking game, anyone?), and the conduct and statements they and the producers have made over the course of their careers inform the direction their work can take, as all of that can play a factor in the final product that results. And it’s not like I’ve never been wrong as a result of my research being erroneous or the knowledge I’ve gathered being faulty, and I’m more than capable of admitting it and have done so when told. if you’ve seen my videos on the Garo Franchise, I’ve had to do so a number of times because there are Not a lot of good, Reliable sources on it, and some of them have misreported information or treated Fanon opinion as if it were canon fact without verification. In example I had believed that Shou Aikawa and Toshiki Inoue were the writers to The series Garo The Crimson moon because it was originally reported they were the only ones writing on it. That turned out to not be so, and I was unaware of that as no-one had written differently in any of my usual resources. That wasn’t malicious ignorance or smug self-assurance, but operating off of the information that had been provided. Since that new information corrected me, I haven’t repeated something that wasn’t so.

But It is NOT about people lying to themselves about what they enjoy. To cite the specific gripe, I don't think Kyuuranger fans are lying to themselves in liking it and have never at ANY point said that about THAT show or any other media, I think they didn't see what others, including myself, disliked about it or didn’t find it disagreeable themselves. That’s not lying, that’s having a different perspective on it and what angers/annoys/frustrates others they don’t have a problem with. Everyone has a different perspective, I just put a lot of thought into explaining mine, why I have the gut reactions, revulsion or love I do for something. That doesn’t make me automatically right, that’s giving you all the evidence to why my perspective is the way it is, and the reasoning of my own instincts. Hell, in the entire year Kyuranger was Running, I only discussed or made mentioned of it around a dozen times in any significant manner in that period after I dropped it. Most of them? When it was Relevant to discuss it or refute something that had been spread in the fandom which was a factual Lie or blown out of proportion. I otherwise left it alone for people to enjoy or hate on as they wished and stayed out of it...until people kept berating me to give it a second chance. After MONTHS of this I finally caved and watched more of it.. and proceeded to predict every episode of the series simply from the ‘next time’ trailers. One of the bigger things I called before it happened? Revelations of Quervo’s betrayal and his related possession by Don Armage. Why could I? Because it was a cliche. Raven’s and crows by Proxy of Tengu (quervo’s creature themes) in Japanese Literature/mythology are most commonly used as either Divine Messengers or traitors to their cause; the latter often from selfish, self-serving motivations or malevolent corruption. Quervo ended up not diverging from that latter interpretation. And I saw them as taking that route with it (as opposed to Just Redoing Utsusemimaru's story from kyoryuger with Tsurugi as...well, Kyuranger redid a lot of stories from previous sentai), because of the derisive and flippant manner the show treated Death as both a consequence and tragedy before making it reasonable that they would do so. All that informed because of my experiences with Japanese storytelling tropes, mythology and the Eastern take on The Heroes Journey Monomyth. But I dropped it in the first place because it was clear it was not going to be something I would enjoy and I would be spending the whole year bashing it, but I didn’t want to do that. I went and did the ‘don’t like, then don’t watch’ thing people often want from those in the detractor camp of series people like when they don’t want to hear a dissenting opinion, and instead went to watch “wander over yonder” and other series I did like which did many of the same things Kyuranger did in ways which were more appealing to me. As That Pointless hate and bile was not something I wanted to spread or have infest my life. I did not want to rally a crusade of bloody vengeance against the show for every perceived slight. For That’s not the person I am or want to be. And with how horrible 2017 was for me personally (including my Stepfather withering away from an incurable disease before dying and relatedly being thrown out of my home), it was something I could do without. I decided I was done with it, and made my exit calmly and rationally as a Mature adult would when they decided they didn’t like something, and only brought it up when it was relevant to bring it up after that, until other people dragged me back. Would you honestly have preferred it if I spent week after week angry at something and pointing out every single way it was messing up? ‘cause anyone can do that. Many people still did. it’s not like I was ever a deciding voice, just another sharing the same perspective. I would’ve just done it with the framing device of explaining the context of why people disliked it, as opposed to bashing it on the principle of it existing. So why Should I be the guy that Goes onto every blog, every forum and lambasts any person that ever said something good about it with a bulletpointed list of reasons? Hell, I avoid the Tokusatsu forums in their entirety because OF my experiences with that fandom Toxicity. And The reason I ended up predicting the content as I did when I finally gave in? It was Because I am very well-versed in Science fiction and space series tropes Kyuuranger as a series called upon (star trek, star wars, babylon 5, farscape, gundam, Battlestar galactica...the list goes on as I prefer sci-fi stuff to fantasy series) alongside super sentai ones due to me having watched over half the franchise and the afore-mentioned mythology awareness, and thus could ask myself ‘From what I’ve seen before and this show has been doing thus-far, how could they go about doing this plot they’ve teased in the next episode?’ Watching the first Five episodes of the series was more than enough to provide that. And Five these days is considered lenient now, many Reviewers have reached the point of doing it in One, depending on their familiarity with the general signs of poor execution in the genre, medium or premise of the related story. Once more, it wasn’t about being right, it was about thinking on and applying the experiences I have had to the subject matter, and speculating on where it’s going, only to find it was as I had Guessed. My continued dislike of it being because those predictions included ‘what are the bad ways they could do this story’ as well, and finding more times I guessed that to end up being true. And I do this with...basically everything. My roommates and family are astounded by how often I call plot twists in advance of the story’s seeding of it. One of the reasons I don’t like M Night shyamalan movies (besides all the other reasons people cite) is his twists are ridiculously transparent to me. I literally had the response to the twist that Bruce Willis’ character in the Sixth sense is dead of “yeah, and?” because I didn’t think that was what they were building up to, I just thought that was the quirk of the movie’s story. the same with the old lady being the Devil in “Devil”. Months ago My roommate showed me the movie “Cabin In The Woods”. I had never seen nor heard of the movie beforehand. AS I later learned, It is Notorious as a movie where people do not see the plot twist coming. In the first few minutes of watching? I guessed the plot twist. It is actually a very good one that I do not wish to spoil here and was pleasantly surprised at how they went about executing it, but I Figured it out because I’d seen a lot of the works of The movie’s Writer Joss Whedon. If someone were to propose I had a superpower? That’s basically it, I predict narratives from precedent of their content, it’s genre, and their creators. I am VERY good at doing this once I know where they’re going. That is, after all, how I guessed the entire second half of Kamen Rider Ryuki’s story without having seen it beforehand from making a Phoenix Down Joke. My roommates and I love the Venture bros, Season 7 is currently Airing, it has been wrapping up a number of it’s previous hanging plot threads and story seeding. Of them I guessed from the watching of previous seasons: Vendata being the blue Morpho and the Monarch’s Dead “Father”. The Monarch and Rusty Venture being Half-siblings as Jonas Venture Senior had Sex with The Monarch’s Mom. And Rusty being a clone. There are others, but there’s spoilers involved.

I was excited about all of that, because the series had been building up the suspense about answers to those questions for years or seeded paralleling stories to them previously in the series (I.E Hank, Dean and Dermott’s relationship). I was elated to learn I’d been following the deeper lore of the show as they’d intended from their intermittent seeding of the story, that I’d connected the clues as they’d wanted them to be connected. And for all of that to add up? That’s Good storytelling.

And it’s not like I’m always right about that stuff either or desire media to bend to how I predict it would go. if I’m not experienced with a certain story engine, I’m less likely to be right and more willing to go with the flow to explore it, and conversely really open to things that defy my expectations.

I’m a huge fan of .Hack and the Megaman battle networks series, and other stories using Virtual settings for storytelling (though Not SAO, I’m in the camp that dislikes SAO), thus was very experienced with the tropes, storypoints and themes Kamen Rider Ex-aid was making use of. I played this same ‘game’ with it...and It proved me wrong very often with how it was taking things. I didn’t see where it was going, as the show was not Predictable nor following the expected formula’s. Sometimes I disagreed with or was critical of what it was doing, such as the lacking focus on Hiiro Kagami’s relationship with his lost Love Saki and her impact on him. For how important it was to the series and his Character it was very poorly grounded, established and explored even with the Later Snipe miniseries going back to her death to further flesh it out, as it was something that needed more than the show was able to give for it to fully justify where they took it and all the connected links in the story it chained together. Or, say, Kiriya’s Death in how Toei tried to make money off of a character death by selling commemorative shirts to it, as that’s a scumbag thing to do and made it seem like they ordered his death just to sell merchandise. it wasn’t true and was just a bad marketing decision, the reaction to it being so hostile as Toei had pulled crap like that before and had shown itself tonedeaf to that conduct.. But for the most part, I adored how original a lot of it was by it’s end, most of my early criticisms they took the proper steps to mediate, and at the end it used all of it’s assets very smartly. I enjoy it not because it conformed to some pre-scripted narrative, but because it defied and exceeded my expectations of it, and tended to blow up my expectations in the best ways possible. whatever nitpicking that’s applicable to it doesn’t negate the overall good it did and quality it put out week after week.

And even with those nitpicks and any other criticism I voice, it wasn’t about me being personally right and the show wrong about how it did it, but areas in which the product was flawed and the areas in which it could have been improved. Pointing those out? That’s what a reviewer does.

But To bring it back to Zi-O as this is ultimately what this is all about with people wanting me to shut up about it despite me already having done so for the most part...with the extensive experience concerning the Writer and Producers I have had in almost everything they’ve worked on, how Negative that experience has been, Time travel stories being something I really adore and read/watched/played a lot of, awareness of how easy it is to screw it up if you don’t care about addressing contradictions or think of how to do it without such, and the first episode and the ones I’ve been dragged into commenting on since by people sending me messages Just like this one, I’ve done this ‘how would they likely do this from everything that’s been presented’ exercise with them and ended up being mostly spot-on with the predictions Thus-far. I’m not going out of my way to do it or bash every little thing, I’ve been trying to do what I did with Kyuranger and Leave it be unless there’s something relevant to say, or someone drags me back.

Again, the post I linked to up top? That was another attempt to do that, showcase what is the standard expectation I have for a series using a time travel story device so you see where I’m coming from on this. And yet, half a dozen people instead shot me angry messages and death threats, some of them telling me ‘Beast Wars Transformers is Shit and makes no sense and zi-oh was already doing it better than that because it intentionally decided to not play by any rules, even the ones it made up.’ ...The fact it ‘explaining’ it’s ‘rules’ and calling people losers for bothering to care about story consistency is locked behind a subscription paywall instead of it being part of the main series seems to be lost in this. ...Is this the one people want to fall on their sword over? Really? Guy’s, it’s a show run by a man who’s known for crappy conduct and screwing people over. There are better targets for this, and people who are more active in shaping public opinion than the one who’s moving towards retiring from doing web-video content altogether because of medical reasons!

You want me to leave Zi-O alone, just let others enjoy it blindly? That’s what I’m doing. Stop bringing it to my doorstep and dragging me back. You’ll just see come occasional snark when I’m given the prompt, that’s it. If there’s no supplied prompt you won’t even see that.

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onimiman · 6 years ago

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Halloween 2018 Film Retrospective (no major spoilers ahead)

Throughout the entirety of the month of October 2018, I had watched a movie everyday that was, in at least some tangential way, related to Halloween. I can't really call all of them horror films (and to find out why, please see below), although I will say that many of them were unfortunately films that ranged from mediocre to downright unwatchable; had I not been forcing myself to watch these movies for the month, I would have given up ten minutes or so in. And I know I'm a bit late to the party since I'm only posting this on November 3rd, but fuck it, here's the list anyway. So without further ado, let's begin this retrospective with not the first film I watched this October, but the last film I watched for September, which I will call Film #0.

#0: The Babysitter (2017)

The plot: A twelve-year-old boy still hangs out with his babysitter when his parents are away, and just as he is developing deeper feelings for her, he learns a dark secret about her and her friends. This prompts him to undergo a night of survival that forces him to grow up and move on from his own feelings of inadequacy.

My thoughts: This movie feels like it was somehow a holdover script from the 1990s; when the film brings up an element from 1996's hit movie Independence Day, a movie that no one gives a shit about anymore (see how its sequel, 2016's Independence Day: Resurgence, flopped hard at the box office), it serves as only one piece of evidence for that claim. However, I did find the movie to be quite fun nonetheless, even if not all of the jokes in this horror comedy quite landed the way they intended to, but to me, it did have a stable story structure and everything storywise paid off with what was established early on. It's an easy less than 90 minutes to kill on Netflix and I recommend it even if you're not a horror fan.

#1: Leatherface (2017)

The plot: In this prequel to Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, we see the birth of the cannibalistic Sawyer family's iconic member turn into this film's titular villain.

My thoughts: By all means, this was a stupid and unnecessary film that shouldn't have been made. But I went into this expecting to simply be entertained by the violence and gore that was to come about. And was I? Yes, I was, and admittedly, the film did make me feel stupid in misleading me as to who Leatherface was going to be, even though there was a piece of evidence in the movie that did make me think, “Naw, it couldn't be.” So, for that, I can't completely shit on this film. If you're not a fan of gore, you'll despise this movie, but for me, it's a guilty pleasure by far.

#2: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The plot: In this remake of Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 horror classic The Texas Chain Saw Massacre... pretty much the same shit from that film occurs in this one with only a few slight differences.

My thoughts: Having watched this not long after watching Leatherface, I knew that I was going to get something significantly more conventional, and boy did I get it. It's as boring and unmemorable as most other horror films from the 2000s are, and if I wasn't doing this retrospective, I would have forgotten this one altogether. And moreover, the kills in this are so much more disappointing than in Leatherface, with little to no gore here, so I can't even watch this from the POV of basic primal enjoyment. Skip this one whether you're a horror fan or not.

#3: Goosebumps (2015)

The plot: What starts off as a boy-meets-girl story turns into a spooktacular tale of adventure that involves stopping an army of monsters that come directly from the mind of children's horror author R.L. Stine.

My thoughts: This is a movie that I imagined that I would have enjoyed watching as a kid every now and then, especially during Halloween, but as it stands, it's a little too dull for me and it makes me question what kind of threat do any of these monsters pose to our characters if they never actually kill anyone. It's still fun, if even in a standard way, and Jack Black as R.L. Stine, while incredibly hokey in the role, is obviously having a lot of fun here, so for that, I guess I can recommend this one if you have kids. There's nothing in here that'll actually scare them (unless they're a young Justin Bieber type who'll have nightmares over fucking Scooby-Doo) so you won't have anything to worry about showing them this.

#4: Silent Hill (2006)

The plot: When a young woman takes her adopted daughter to a ghost town called Silent Hill to solve the mystery of the girl's nightmares, they are quickly separated from one another and plunged into a dark demented world with hints of a core secret that must be solved.

My thoughts: I heard about how bad this one was for years, but as I was watching it once the characters actually reached Silent Hill, I found myself enjoying it and finding it to be a legitimately scary movie. The problem? The payoff at the end. I don't know if this is the payoff in the game, but the solution somehow felt a little too mundane and I kind of eye-rolled at the film's jabs at religion (and I speak as someone who's not religious at all). Decent movie for the most part, but I can't really recommend it on account of where it all leads.

#5: Venom (2018)

The plot: When disgraced San Francisco journalist Eddie Brock sneaks into the lab owned by the business magnate who ruined his career, he is bonded to an alien parasite who gives him extraordinary abilities and the antihero persona of Venom. Together, Eddie and Venom must work together if they are to take down business magnate Carlton Drake and the symbiote that he bonded to, Riot, before they can unleash a symbiote invasion upon Earth.

My thoughts: Okay, I know this is kind of cheating because it's not really a horror film in a conventional sense, but since the movie deals with a man being bonded to something that can kill him from the inside if they are both not properly fed, I thought I'd include this movie in this retrospective. Now, with that being said, I found this movie to be pretty standard for a superhero film, and in the year that films like Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War, and Deadpool 2 came out, Venom looks kind of subpar in comparison. However, as standard as the story and action scenes were, I still enjoyed it for what it was, and as cliched as it is to say this now, Tom Hardy as both Eddie and Venom have some magnificent chemistry that makes me want to see more of them in a sequel. I'd recommend it, but with this stipulation: Only if you're not too versed in superhero films.

#6: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

The plot: A pair of mysterious death leads a medical doctor and the daughter of one of the victims to investigate a conspiracy in a Halloween mask-producing factory that can have far-reaching consequences.

My thoughts: I regret seeing this movie for only one reason: That this wasn't the film I saw for October 31st, because this is, by far, the most Halloweeniest movie I have ever seen. Otherwise, I enjoyed this movie more than I did the original 1978 Halloween or any of its sequels or remakes (which I'll get to later in this retrospective). While not exactly having the best atmosphere, Halloween III: Season of the Witch is a very interesting movie that is draped in its titular holiday, with a unique premise to boot, that is kind of suspenseful, even if it doesn't have a real resolution. It's a film I wouldn't mind rewatching for next year, especially if it's a rainy day.

#7: Final Girl (2015)

The plot: A teenage girl is trained in rigorous self-defense techniques by a mysterious man for the purpose of combating those who seek to wrong others.

My thoughts: As trite as that premise may sound, it's still very interesting in execution, especially if one is familiar with horror movie tropes like the defenseless teenage girl who wins at the end despite all odds against her. It's decently acted and directed, it runs at just the right length, and if I have any complaints about it, I just wish we went into this movie with our killers believing that this was just going to be another of their victims so that we could be surprised at the turn of events. Other than that mil critique, it's a quaint, simple film that you could watch on Netflix on a rainy day like the previous movie above.

#8: ThanksKilling (2008)

The plot: A 500-year-old talking turkey is brought back to life via dog urine on his grave and intends to kill the nearest people nearby.

My thoughts: This movie was an abominable piece of shit that's as unbelievable in every way as the premise that I laid out above. I'm not even joking about the dog piss thing either; that's how the killer comes back. The filmmaking here is student-level amateurish, the acting in it is jaw-droppingly bad, and this film's attempts at trying to be humorous make me want to punch a cat. Never watch this movie ever.

#9: Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The plot: Ten years after his killing spree in 1978's Halloween and 1981's Halloween II, Michael Myers has returned (as the title would indicate). With his sister Laurie Strode having died in a car accident in between films, Michael's new target is his niece, Jamie Lloyd, and his titular return renews the carnage that his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis, must stop.

My thoughts: A fairly dull film that's only half as decent as the first two films and nowhere near as entertaining as the third. The acting on the parts of Donald Pleasance as Dr. Loomis and Danielle Harris's turn as Jamie Lloyd were the bright spots in this film, and the ending is famous for being one of the most shocking things in this series that is never followed up on. Unfortunately, I can't recommend anyone watch this, whether you're a normie or a Halloween fan, especially considering what follows...

#10: Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

The plot: Pretty much the same shit as the last movie only with more self-aware corniness this time around and a shittier Michael Myers mask.

My thoughts: Ditto from what the plot described. I feel bad for Pleasance and Harris here, they are way too good for this movie.

#11: Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

The plot: Michael Myers finally kills his niece Jamie Lloyd, but now must go after her child as per instructions from the Cult of Thorn. But not if Dr. Loomis, Kara Strode, and Tommy Doyle have anything to say about it!

My thoughts: If you thought that how I delivered this plot wasn't exactly all that Halloweeny, believe me, this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with that kind of respect. I honestly don't want to say anything more about this movie except for these two things: what an awful last movie for Donald Pleasance to go out on before he died, and for a first movie, who woulda thought that Paul Rudd could be so damn boring?

#12: Halloween II (2009)

The plot: Director Rob Zombie takes one last shit on the Halloween franchise after his 2007 remake of the first movie debacle. Is it sad that this movie gets less of a respectful plot synopsis than the last three Halloween movies discussed on this list?

My thoughts: I saw Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween remake in the theater, and it was one of the worst movies I'd seen on the big screen. I'm so glad I missed out on this one when this came out in theaters because holy fuck, this one makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece in comparison. I could go on to explain why for those of you haven't seen these movies, but all I have to do is point you to Phelan Porteus's reviews of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies; he'll explain it all.

#13: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The plot: Deranged child murderer Fred Krueger returns from the dead in the form of a dream demon to kill the teenage offspring of the people who murdered him through those teenagers' dreams.

My thoughts: Finally, a legitimately good movie on this list that I don't have to dismiss as just mindless fun or even scary but with a bad payoff at the end like with Silent Hill. This movie is good even if you're not a horror fan; I whole-heartedly recommend this. And if nothing else, it's interesting to see how young Johnny Depp was, what with this being his first movie, and I could see just what the ladies saw in him back then.

#14: A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

The plot: Freddy's back! And this time, he intends to enter the real world through the form of a troubled teenage boy who may or may not have some repressed feelings about himself...

My thoughts: This movie is about as subtle in its homo-eroticism as a series of Michael Bay explosions (not that I'm against homo-eroticism, since I'm a bisexual myself, I just think that this movie was a little too on the nose with that kind of stuff). And while I did find this movie to be surface-level enjoyable for the creative kills, I can't help but think that this was kind of dull, especially in comparison to the first film and as we move forward with the other sequels. The worst part about this is that I find myself scratching my head as to why this is a Nightmare on Elm Street movie when, in spite of the use of dreams here, this doesn't really feel like the Freddy Krueger we know from the first movie nor does this hold up with the character we see in the subsequent sequels. I don't know how to explain it, but somehow, Freddy's characterization seems off in this one. In spite of this film's inclusion of homo-eroticism, something we seldom see in movies like this, I have no problem saying that you can skip this one.

#15: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

The plot: Nancy Thompson, the sole survivor of the first Nightmare on Elm Street, returns with Freddy Krueger this movie, and this time, she intends to help his intended victims fight back. In a sanitarium for suicidal teens with sleep disorders, Freddy intends to kill the last of the Elm Street children. But Nancy intends to utilize the help of one of the teens, Kristen Parker, who has the special ability to unite people into a single dream space and allow them to develop their own dream powers to counter Freddy. But Freddy isn't as easy to defeat as one may think.

My thoughts: Honestly, this is as good of a sequel as the first Nightmare on Elm Street deserved, as it's a unique take that manages to continue the story of the first in a natural yet unorthodox way, not unlike what Aliens did with Alien. The horror of the first film may be toned down significantly here, but at least the story was interesting, the characters were fun to watch, and Freddy is so much fun here. I recommend it for how Inception-y this movie can get, even if this doesn't have the same level of intelligence as that movie did.

#16: A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

The plot: Despite his defeat at the end of the previous film, Freddy Krueger is resurrected and he finally accomplishes his goal of murdering the last of the Elm Street children, accomplishing his goal once and for all. However, Freddy isn't so satisfied; he wants more children and teens to kill, and he will get more, through Kristen Parker's friend, Alice Johnson, to whom Kristen gave her dream-sharing ability. So unless Alice can find a way to stop Freddy, the latter's fun could continue...

My thoughts: I think it's safe to say this is the point in the franchise when all the horror in Freddy Krueger is pretty much gone and replaced with fun schlocky Freddy. And you know what? I'm okay with that, because it's always great to see Robert Englund have fun in this role. And in spite of the writing not being as strong as it was in the first and third films, I still find myself caring about our characters like Alice, and I was genuinely saddened when the last of the Dream Warriors died. It's rare when I can actually feel that kind of sadness for dead meat characters like these. Fun watch, would recommend, but be prepared to look at Freddy in a different light. And stay around after the credits, as Freddy sings a hilarious rap that just made me smile.

#17: A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child (1989)

The plot: Freddy just can't stay dead, for now he has a new dream master to kill people through: Alice Johnson's unborn child, who spends 70% of his life in a dream state in his mother's womb. So how can Alice defeat Freddy this time without having to sacrifice her dream child in the process?

My thoughts: “Faster than a bastard maniac! More powerful than a loco-madman! It's Super-Freddy!” If you don't know what that scene is, I urge you to look it up, as it's the best scene of the whole movie and it really capitalizes on just how much of a joke Freddy Krueger has become at this point in the series. However, unlike the bastardization of a character like Michael Myers in, say, one of Rob Zombie's Halloween movies, Freddy is still an enjoyable enough character where even one who despises the Nightmare sequels overall can still find little jewels like the aforementioned line. Give it a watch if only for just that one scene.

#18: Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)

The plot: Freddy Krueger has all but run out of kills in his hometown, and now he wants to expand nationally. But not if his daughter has anything to say about it!

My thoughts: This has become pure comedy at this point. But my God this is golden. When one of this movie's kills is an extended scene of a guy jumping around with cartoonish sound effects to boot while dreaming that he's in a video game being played by Freddy, you know that the filmmakers know what kind of movie they're making. And I enjoyed this as one of the most guilty pleasure films I'd ever seen. I do think that the film ended on a somewhat anticlimactic note, but alas, the film was an interesting end to Freddy's evolution as a character of horror to a character of dark comedy, and for that, I recommend this one.

#19: Halloween (2018)

The plot: Forty years after he terrorized Haddonfield, Michael Myers has once again escaped from Smith's Grove Hospital to return to where his reign of terror all started. But this time, the one who got away, Laurie Strode, is ready for him... but her daughter and granddaughter may not be.

My thoughts: Aside from Jamie Lee Curtis's fantastic performance in this film, I thought this was just a run-of-the-mill horror film that's competent enough and has its moments but is otherwise forgettable if you forget that this is a Halloween film. If you're a Halloween fan, I think you'll be satisfied; it's certainly better than the majority of its sequels (especially The Curse of Michael Myers and Resurrection) but that's all.

#20: Meet the Blacks (2016)

The plot: During the Purge, the Black family (yes, that's their last name, and yes, the film does make several racially inappropriate jokes about it) move into an upper class white neighborhood where they are confronted by their patriarch's past in the forms of those he's financially wronged in some way or another.

My thoughts: This is only the second worst movie I've seen for this retrospective (yes, ThanksKilling is number one). Aside from all the racist jokes going on here, this movie is just a failure of a comedy and as a spoof/satire of the Purge franchise. It doesn't say anything new or fresh or in any interesting ways, and in fact, some of the “comedy” here just doesn't make any sense (then again, I just might be missing out on a reference, as if that's supposed to justify bad comedy). This movie may have been less than 90 minutes, but my God, it felt like an eternity having to slog through this piece of shit. Do I honestly even need to say skip this one?

#21: The Rezort (2015)

The plot: Years after the cancellation of the zombie apocalypse, the remaining zombies have been rounded up to an island owned by a private company where people can come and pay as tourists to shoot zombies. But when a conscientious objector sabotages the island's systems, the zombies quickly take over and many people die. So a small group of tourist survivors must reach a rendezvous point at the end of the island if they are to escape not only the zombies but also a strafing bombardment meant to eliminate the zombie outbreak.

My thoughts: For a movie that was obviously conceptualized as Jurassic Park (or Jurassic World since this park is actually running) but with zombies instead of dinosaurs, this movie ain't half-bad. The characters are nothing to write home about, although there is a Dirty Harry-type I was routing for the entire movie, and the action and plot are pretty standard for a zombie flick. Still, it's a mildly fun time and I recommend you give it a go.

#22: Scream (1996)

The plot: A mysterious serial killer who is savvy in the ways of the slasher subgenre of horror is gradually killing off various people around high schooler Sidney Prescott. So who could it be?

My thoughts: Talk about a standard slasher flick elevated by the principle of being meta. I enjoyed it, yes, and with the way the film is constructed as a whodunit, it certainly manages to stand out as above average overall. I could see how this was revolutionary back in the 1990s, but now, with pretty much every single genre movie being self-aware in some way or another, I just kind of shrug my shoulders at it as an experience. I think it helps if you're familiar with the slasher subgenre if you're to watch this, but I think it's a good enough film to stand on its own to someone who hasn't seen a slasher flick their whole lives, if only for the story.

#23: Hush (2016)

The plot: A woman with an instinctive writer's mind who is both deaf and mute in a cabin in the woods is thrust into a deadly cat-and-mouse game with a deranged serial killer who wants to toy with her before he kills her.

My thoughts: This is a movie that squeezes every bit of tension and suspense it can in the eighty-something minutes it has, and it makes good use of that tension and suspense in conjunction with its expert pacing. At no point did I think anything was dragged out; everything here was just as long as it needed to be, and it was all resolved in a satisfactory (and quite bloody) way that left me feeling, “Yep, that was a good time.”

#24: The Bye Bye Man (2017)

The plot: There is a demonic entity known as the Bye Bye Man who will psychologically torture you before he kills you if you think or say his name. And he's doing that to three young adults who are all living together in a haunted house. Yeah...

My thoughts: A very forgettable, subpar horror film with an antagonist with an awful name and no memorable appearance. Skip.

#25: Scream 2 (1997)

The plot: One year after the Woodsboro killings, Sidney Prescott is once again haunted by the return of Ghostface as she is attending college this time around. But who could Ghostface be this time? And what meta-commentaries could this movie bring forth about the slasher genre and sequels both?

My thoughts: This is a film that feels like it was planned out from the beginning as a companion piece to the first film; by that, I mean that it feels like writer Kevin Williamson always intended to have this movie be made after Scream had come out. And considering that this movie was released only a year after its predecessor, I think that theory may be true (then again, I haven't done any research for this movie, so for all I know, Williamson and Wes Craven didn't even intend for there to be a sequel in the first place). Regardless, this feels like a natural progression of the first film and while not necessarily surpassing it in terms of quality, I feel like it lives up to the first Scream in a satisfactory way.

#26: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

The plot: After years of killing horny teenage counselors at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees is finally blown away into literal bits and pieces by the FBI. However, his spirit lives on as his essence is passed on from person to person until he can find a permanent new body through a living blood relative, and all the while, his killing spree resumes.

My thoughts: As a movie that was intended to be the finale to Jason Voorhees, this did have some silly moments in it like Freddy's Dead but not nearly as over-the-top. And it is a little disappointing to not have Jason in his prime form like he was in Friday the 13th Part VI to VIII and, again, it was a little bit more disappointing than Freddy's Dead (which is far more entertaining), especially since this movie retcons so much of Jason's mythology that it feels like no one who worked on this movie has ever seen a Jason movie. So, yeah, I can't recommend this one unless you're a Friday the 13th fan (and even then, I don't think you'll like it).

#27: Terrifier (2016)

The plot: A mute man in a creepy clown costume stalks multiple victims in a condemned apartment complex with ruthless killing methods that make him worthy of the moniker Terrifier.

My thoughts: Holy shit, this movie was fucking creepy... and I fucking loved it. Of course, I can't recommend it to everyone, as this movie was also ridiculously over-the-top with its violence and gore. I don't want to give anything away, but as an example, there is a scene that involves our killer, Art the Clown, with a saw and a woman's who's upside down that's one of the most shocking things I've seen... and, again, I fucking loved it. It was an unnerving film that's worthy of having been watched for this month.

#28: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2016)

The plot: Take Jane Austin's feminist classic Pride and Prejudice and then shoe-horn a half-baked zombie plot into it. Okay...

My thoughts: I'm not familiar with Pride and Prejudice, so I went into this completely blind. But with that being said, I still thought that this was one of the most pointless, unfunny and unexciting parodies I've seen. The action scenes aren't all that good and it makes me wonder why this was adapted to the big screen. And as for the parts that are actually in Pride and Prejudice (at least as far as I can guess), I thought they were competently done, but they're just not for me. I guess someone who really Pride and Prejudice might like it, but that's only if they have a taste for zombie violence, too. Otherwise, skip this one; it's just dull.

#29: Zombeavers (2014)

The plot: A container of radioactive waste falls from a truck and floats down a river to infect a number of beavers that are nearby a cabin where a bunch of horny teenagers are. And those beavers become zombie beavers, or zombeavers.

My thoughts: I thought I was going into a movie that was going to be on the same level of bad as ThanksKilling, but thankfully, while the comedy isn't anything to write home about, the acting is at least competent and I was amused by the events that were going on. It was interesting to see what would happen if a zombeaver infected a human, and there were decent amount of subverting of expectations as to who was going to die first and who would live (and not in a Rian Johnson way either). I could see this movie not working for everyone, but it's fun enough as a creature feature with a supernatural element to it.

#30: Event Horizon (1997)

The plot: In 2047, a spaceship dubbed the Event Horizon mysteriously reappears near the edge of Earth's solar system and a salvage team is sent to investigate what happened. But as they arrive, they find that the ship may be more than just a ship now...

My thoughts: As much as I'd love to see what this movie would have looked like had the filmmakers not toned back on the violence and gore, I was still satisfied by what we got here. Sam Neill delivers a deliciously evil performance once Dr. Weir goes to the dark side that it practically borders on Tim Curry territory, and I thought the movie was a good space horror film that was just original enough to be its own thing and not be a knockoff of, say, Alien. Give it a watch; the violence you do see here ain't that bad.

#31: Halloweed (2016)

The plot: A couple of stoners move to a small town so that one of them can get away from the reputation of being the son of a now-dead serial killer. But what these stoners don't know is that they've arrived just in time for a slew of killings to start as Halloween approaches.

My thoughts: I'm mentally kicking myself for having this be the movie I ended the month of October on. This was one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen in my life; I can't remember laughing at all in this bland turd. And it could hardly qualify as a slasher film since the slasher killings don't start until there's about 49 minutes left in the film, and even then, it's barely focused on for the rest of the movie until it's resolved at the end. Skip this and don't let it be anywhere on your viewing block for next Halloween.

And that's it. Those were all 31 of the films I'd seen for the month of Halloween, one for each day. It was quite a venture, but one worth the time if only for bragging rights if not for entertainment (especially since very few of these movies were any real good). So please leave a comment, let me know if you saw any of these movies, if not for this past Halloween, then if you have seen any of these at all, and if so, let me know if you agree or disagree. Until then, here's to better films next Halloween!

*This post has been paid for and sponsored by Silver Shamrock, Inc. When you want quality masks at affordable prices, and a guarantee that they won't unleash killer insects and snakes that will trigger a potential apocalypse, look no further for a Happy Happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!

#halloween #halloween films #film retrospective

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starspatter · 6 years ago

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I think you should do ALL THE ASKS :D

WELL ALL RIGHT THENA - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.1) DCAU TimSteph2) ItsuHaru3) Logan x Diana Prince4) Itsuki Koizumi x Kyouya OotoriB - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.*looks at WonderWolf and SuperBats*C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.BatCat. Even back when I wasn’t a fan of Batman I remember I read one DCAU comic involving Catwoman, and her character just didn’t appeal to me.D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.Any Kagepro ships tbh. Idk I’m just not really invested in the romance of the series. I prefer them all as friends/platonic.E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?Ahaha… I’ve contributed a fair bit of Kagecrack through vids/posts, though I think my favorite are these BTAS crossover edits.Also Kyorange and Skitzo!Kyon for TMoHS. (Plus the “genderbent cast is the previous generation” theory if that counts?)F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?Well I’ve been a Pokémon fan since elementary school. While I no longer watch the show/play the games, I still follow the new generations and RP on occasion.G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?Eeyup. While I don’t ship too often, when I do I ship HARD. ItsuHaru was my first real “obsessive” OTP, but I think the honor for the *very* first ship I had goes to… Cody x Ken from Digimon S2, in a sense. *shot* ^^; Idk I was just really focused on the idea of them making up and becoming “friends”. XP Though I also shipped Ken with Kari too bc of the Dark Ocean stuff. (Also Gary Oak x Molly Hale from Pokémon but that’s a whole other story. >.>; )H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?I’m still mostly a weeb so animu is my go-to, but I’ve been branching out to more Western stuff lately. (Although when it comes to Kagepro the songs are still the best medium. =3=)I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?Steven Universe. While I still love the show, hearing about all the toxicity in the fandom really turned me off so I just try to avoid it.J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)Again, Steven Universe. Also Over the Garden Wall and Bojack Horseman (the former of which I still really recommend you see).K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?I’m also gonna say Sunset Shimmer from Equestria Girls. She went from being a seemingly one-off villain to a fully redeemed good guy and leader in her own right. Though she still has her insecurities, it lets her relate to and help others in the same situation to not let those feelings of inadequacy or jealousy overcome them.Also Midna from Twilight Princess. Her change of heart from servicing her own needs to selfless sacrifice after observing how hard Link tried to save others mirrors my own feelings when I met Link in OoT/MM and watched him grow into a true hero, working to help both the people of Hyrule and Termina even when he had no obligation or was openly blamed for Ganon’s rise to power.L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)So I’m not a big fan of Dick Grayson in the DCAU (or any of his animated adaptations aside from Lego Batman; his YJ version being especially egregious) since I see him as rather childish and bad at dealing with conflict, but he’s admittedly a lot better in the tie-in comics, which give him some much needed development as Nightwing (whereas he barely got any screentime in TNBA). There he acts as a genuine big brother to Tim, and is shown to not be as nearly as bitter at Bruce as the Old Wounds ep would have one believe. I also like that they highlight Dick’s fondness for music, wherein his musical knowledge actually comes in handy to solve a couple cases.M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.All of the Mekakushi Dan, SOS Brigade, or Host Club tbhN - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).1) More Kagepro content in general2) More DCAU TimSteph 3) More ItsuHaru

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?Growing Up - Run River NorthDefinitely a Timmy Todd/TimSteph song now that I think about it. Especially the lines “I found my way without your help, with a broken family” and “monsters in my head”. ;(P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).…Tbh I’m really liking the “Legion x Ouran” idea lately. XD *shot*Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.Hm… I don’t think there are any I’ve really “abandoned”, per se. Most of them are still there, just not at the forefront anymore.R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?All the relationships in Kagepro *shot*S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)Molly Hale from the third movie is the god of the Pokémon world. Just… don’t ask lol.T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?Already answered, but I’ll add a few of my favorites for DCAU TimSteph:1) Tim cuts his own hair after RotJ (or rather just lets it grow long) since he doesn’t trust anyone else with sharp objects around him. Steph is the first person he allows to trim his hair for him (even though she has no experience with it either), since I imagine him feeling comfortable enough around her that he even falls asleep like Sousuke does with Chidori in Full Metal Panic! The Second Raid. (For context, he was raised as a soldier from an early age and this is what happened when they tried to take him to a salon. Played for laughs, but probably an accurate portrayal of people suffering from anxiety/PTSD having to deal with mundane tasks that trigger them.)

2) Similarly, Steph plays piano to help calm Tim down whenever he’s having a panic attack.3) After RotJ Tim refuses to wear red for a long time until Steph knits him a red scarf and tells him it “suits him” bc red is the color of heroes.

As an aside, I also recently like the idea that Logan was at Lex’s party in the DCEU and saw Bruce and Diana together, based on this playlist that I made. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.Gonna talk about a few I don’t mention too often nowadays.

1) Link from The Legend of ZeldaLink will forever be my greatest true love. He’s the first real “hero” I believed in, and he honestly changed my life at one point to actually want to be a better person. While that faith has faded and I don’t think I can ever reach his example, I still wish I had that kind of courage and kindness - or at least be able to inspire others in the same way he did me.2) Meroko Yui from Full Moon wo SagashiteIf Link was the first (and only) person I ever truly fell in love with, Meroko was the one who taught me what “true love” was in the first place. I won’t say too much since I still sincerely hope you will check out the series someday, but suffice to say there’s a scene towards the end where she makes a choice that shows how much she has personally grown, and come to understand what it really means to “love” someone wholeheartedly.

3) Gary Oak from PokémonThis is a bit of an odd one, but Gary is a character I related to a lot when I was an adolescent since, of the main series cast, he was the first and one of few to really change his “status quo” by quitting training and deciding to become a researcher instead. In my eyes it seemed like a shockingly conscious choice to “grow up” in a world where you can ostensibly remain a “child” forever, and I both admired and deplored him for it (especially at that tender transitory age I was going through at the time, where it feels like you’re being forced to “become an adult” whether you want to or not).

V - Which character do you relate to most?Already answered.W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.Romance in general is really not my thing, so I dislike when it’s the focus/the writers feel the need to pair every character. I’d rather leave things open-ended most of the time.X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.Family/friendship stories + tragic adopted children wanting to be heroesY - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?X-Men, Kingdom Hearts, Dangan Ronpa, Fate/Stay Night, Various Magical Girl series, Various RPG Horror games

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)I feel like I’ve rambled enough already phew. OTL Thanks for asking though. =P

#cryptoriawebb #starspeaks

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